70: I’m a Genetic Wuss
59:20 Share

The iHeartRadio Music Festival was a blast, and Hyundai's EV lineup was there for every moment. In Vegas, Hyundai took VIPs to the Speedway to test drive the 601-horsepower Ioniq 5N. On Friday, the EV Sessions winner was announced, Hyundai's music contest on TikTok. The twist? Their performances were all powered by the all-electric Hyundai Ioniq 5. How cool is that? And after the show, fans got to check out the Hyundai dance floor at House of Music.

Thanks again to Hyundai's amazing EV lineup. Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.

Good morning, team. Good morning, team. Hey, I got a question. I got a question for the bad hoes out there. Where are the bad hoes with perioral dermatitis this morning? Where are y'all? Let me see a show of hands. Oh, no one? Welcome back to Weird Diagnoses with Brittany Bruschi. This week, so since June, I would say, and let me just preface this with

I know you're not doctors, but you sure as hell like to act like it in the comments. So here's some feed for the doctor bait in the comments, okay? And did I say like 10 episodes ago, stop diagnosing me? Yes. Do you still do it? Yes. So here's some feed.

This is me with a metaphorical, like, Home Depot bucket full of anchovies or big fish and I'm feeding them to the seals. You know how they do that in aquariums? Where they're like, "This big fat heifer loves a fish, come on!" And then they put a whole fish in their mouth and then they That's me to y'all. I'm the fucking zookeeper and you bitches are the seals. Okay? Swap, who wants a fish? Here's my diagnosis, okay?

Since June and let me preface this also with it's not herpes Okay, cuz you bitches are gonna be like you've got mouth sores. That's gonna be herpes. Shut the fuck up It's not okay because guess what I went to urgent care since June. All right count them one two, three four five months five months I've had this and I thought it would go away and it would get worse and would go away a little bit then it would come back and it would go away I woke up about two days ago

with this nasty, why am I talking about this? With this nasty, like flaky thing under my bottom lip. Okay. My lips are so dry and I've been struggling with it for a long time of like trying to put makeup over it. And even like makeup artists I work with are like, what's that on your fucking lip? And I'm like, I wouldn't worry about

And then yesterday I woke up and I was like, I have to go to the doctor. Like it got significantly worse. And now it's like when you try to exfoliate away the flake, it hurts underneath. Like it's a pain, like almost picking a scab. And I was like, I don't do medical stuff well. Okay. If something on me hurts or if I see someone else having, like I can't do body shit, right?

I saw The Substance, that fuck-ass movie, and while it was a thrill to watch in the movie theater, okay? I think it was such an absurd take on, you know, serious themes. I enjoyed the experience of the movie in the theater. That movie is body horror, and I cannot fucking... I'm actually gonna be sick on the fucking floor. I cannot deal with body horror.

I don't know what, I could never be a doctor. You bitches are so brave. Doctors, firefighters, nurses, how do y'all do it? Because seriously, I look at my own lip in the mirror and I'm like, I can't do it. So I'm looking in the mirror and I'm like, I have to go to the doctor.

And so I drive my ass to urgent care and I sit there and I'm like, something's growing on my lip and it's not herpes, but it could be. Okay. Never don't rule things out. And so she, she looks at it and she comes over, she's got a mask on and gloves on. She's getting all up in my lips. She goes, you ever heard of perioral dermatitis? I'm like, no, Shannon, I haven't heard of perioral dermatitis.

Why didn't you just say it was perioral dermatitis? Okay, well now I know exactly what that means. Thanks doc. What, am I a baby? Is that like hand mouth disease? I've just been in the crib sucking on my toes. I'm a baby. She's like, oh, you've got whooping cough, smallpox and hand mouth fever. Oh, okay. So just do I reel it back on the pacifier three or four times a day or what do I do there? She was like, perioral dermatitis. I'm gonna give you an ointment.

What's that Dr. Doofenshmirtz thing? If I had a nickel for every time a doctor has given me an ointment, I'd have roughly like a handful of nickels, truly. Like not an over, okay, I'm not like some gross weirdo, but like I'm no stranger to an ointment, okay?

I am no fucking stranger to having to smear an ointment on some part of my pale body on my fucking nightwalker. Like who's the big, tall, skinny guy. Who's kind of hot slender man. My slender man ass body. Every time I'm like,

With friends who are inclined to do sun forward activities, i.e. hiking, i.e. go to the beach, i.e. sit outside. Okay. I have to sit them down and be like, you're dealing with a real one here. Okay. I can't go outside for extended periods.

time, I will quite literally evaporate. Like, I am a creature of the night. I am a creature of the moonlight, okay? La luna. Look at the stars. They have stars in their eyes. All this lovely, beautiful, and naughty. That's me, okay? The moon is as big as a pizza pie because I cannot fucking go into the sun.

So, I mean, I'm very freckly, very moley. Here's what else is wrong with me. Balding, PCOS, leg hair, okay? Chin hair, even. So I'm at the doctor and I'm like, get this shit off my face because I've been dealing with it for five months. It's been going on for way longer than it should have. And now it hurts. Like, it feels a lot worse than it looks. You hope to God you cannot see it on the monitor because it hurts. It really freaking hurts.

And of course she was like, just between you and me, I got this ointment for you. And I know a guy. And I was like, who's the guy? And she said, CVS. And I said, yeah, me and CVS go way back. Look, me and CVS, that's my fucking family. CVS, wait, you do Walgreens? Don't do Walgreens. CVS, that's my fucking family. Which is the one that's more expensive?

Is CVS more expensive than Walgreens? CVS is typically less expensive than Walgreens. Bitch, this is why I'm a CVS girl. I'm a farm. I'm a I'm a Farminator. I'm a CVS Farminator. But also not because the last time I went to fucking CVS to get like over-the-counter medicine, I needed allergy meds. That shit. Where was I? New York? That shit was like $45.

Have you lost your mind? Me like, here's my government Amazon credit to pay for my Jeff Bezos allergy pill. Oh my God! $45 for Claritin. I just need an antihistamine. It doesn't need to be name brand. I don't need to see the label on it. It doesn't even have to have a flower on the damn package. Just give me an antihistamine because my body's riddled with histamines.

Histamine here, histamine there. Remove it. Take it away. Lord, exercise these demons. I need an antihistamine. Antihistamine. God is good. God is good. He will lead me out and through the histamine fever. Truly, the last time I went to CVS to get medicine over the counter,

I was floored by the price of fucking Benadryl. It's all the same stuff. Like a 24-hour allergy pill versus like... And did Stanley tell me one time that Benadryl is going to kill me? Yeah. And do I take Benadryl every allergy season? Yeah. Because it's one of the only allergy pills that works. Whatever. Doc gave me this ointment.

Add it to the, I literally have a drawer of all my ointments because I have chronic things that come back. They just flare up. I don't know why. There was a time in college, sorry, this episode's gross. I just am frustrated.

Because I take good care of myself. You know what I mean? Like, I try my hardest to put my best foot forward health-wise. Haven't always. But this year has really been the year of, like, I'm tired of feeling bad. And it takes a concerted effort to, like, not feel bad all the time.

So, taking control of the PCOS and taking control of my skin shit has been the two priorities of this year. And then this shit flares up out of nowhere, okay? And so, I've got this drawer full of ointments. I feel like the bouncing boil from, what was that, Jimmy Neutron?

The bouncing boil. No, or was that who had the bunions? Bouncing boil. Fairly odd parents. Yeah, bro. That's me. God, this is such a mean, this is such a mean character. Look what they did to him. They made his fucking type typography pimple.

Okay, and for the bouncing boil, let's give him a fucked up name. Elmer. Nice, I like Elmer. And now let's give him his own font and his own intro sequence. The typography, you might ask. Thank you for asking. It's gonna have zits on it. It's gonna have boils. It's gonna be swollen and red. That shit is so me. That's me, though. That is so, so me. Me vibes! Um, okay, my face win.

PenFed Free Checking offers zero fees and zero balance requirements for zero hassle. PenFed Access America Checking lets you earn money on your balance for dreams big and small. Choose the best account for you and start making the most of your money. Learn more at PenFed.org. Federally insured by NCOA. To receive any advertised product, you must become a member of PenFed Credit Union. PenFed's got great rates for everyone.

This episode is sponsored by HelloFresh. Make this fall the tastiest season yet with farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes delivered right to your door with HelloFresh. HelloFresh delivers all the pre-portioned ingredients you'll need to make easy homemade meals. All the proteins, veggies, sauces, spices, and more arrive in your box along with simple instructions that walk you through each step in the cooking process.

I personally love the pre-portioned ingredients because I have the too much gene and I always end up messing up the recipes. HelloFresh protects me from myself.

Get 10 free meals at HelloFresh.com slash free broski applied across seven boxes. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to HelloFresh.com slash free broski. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Anyway, dude, I am the bouncing boy old today. I woke up this morning. Oh my God, let me tell you about the fucking nightmare of a night I had last night.

Anyway, I don't really even know what the name of the medicine she prescribed me is. It's an ointment. I got to pick it up later today. Okay, God be good. God is merciful in his ointment bounty. Yeah, it starts with a T. It's like tirloposis, tirmadocosis or something like that. And I got to smear it on my face for 14 days, twice a day or until symptoms subside.

I'm pissed off, dude. There's nothing that makes me angrier than a doctor being like, there is yet another issue with your skin. Hey, why? One day, you know those shows like Man vs. Wild Extreme Naked Edition. I would be dead within four hours. Separate me from my ointments forever.

And my collagen powder and my coffee in the morning? I'm dying! I'm dead on sight, dude. That is just simply a fact. Man versus wild fucking antelope eater edition with only a stick as a weapon. He can only eat berries and the dung of small forest creatures. Will he survive? And he survives for like three months.

Until he has to get helicopter evac'd, heli-evac'd out because he like ingested a sea urchin spike or something like that. It's always the most crazy shit that happens to these people where it's like, well, yeah, of course you need to be heli-evac'd out of there. But for me, I would be like, I got a sunburn. It's peeling really fucking bad.

I got a sunburn. It's feeling really fucking bad. And I just need like a cooling agent. I need like a cooling gel. And I need to lay on like a tipper pedicometrist. And also I forgot to bring my silk because now my hair is going to be fucked out. Meanwhile, my lip is hanging off. It's flaking off. Like genuinely, what the fuck causes that? Oh, I was going to say, I have so many ointments for things that like

I've had one time, one time on my hands, right after college, I had something called acute dyshydotic eczema. It was this awful, I was about to look up pictures. I'm like, that's the shit my Mimi would do. She'd be like, look at this rare disease. No, come here. I want to show you a picture of it. And I would be like nine. And I'd be like, what? And she showed me a picture and I'd be like, what the fuck Mimi? Anyway,

acute dyshydratic eczema. It was on my hands only. Literally stopped at my fingers. That's a lie. Stopped at my wrist because it was kind of right here as well. And it spread in between your fingers. That's how it fucking spreads. Okay. So it starts on one finger and then slowly spreads to all of them. I was working a desk job. Okay. I worked at a bank where I had to shake people's hands and I had to take people's money and I had to

Imagine me with 10 bandages on my fingers like a fucking burn victim. Like, yes, let me just take, thank you so much. Let me just, I felt like Lobster Boy from American Horror Story. Thank you for your money. Okay, let me just get that for you in a second. Are you stupid? I had to go to the doctor and I was like, what is this? I'm a monster!

And she goes, like, literally looked at it, touched my hand for like four seconds and was like, that's acute dyshydronic eczema. And I said, what did you just call me? That's mean. She said, yeah, it's acute dyshydronic. Dyshydronic means, I think, and don't quote me on this, and you know I'm going to Google it. You know I'm about to Google it. It flared up after I was in water for a prolonged period of time.

My friends from college always used to call me a puss because they were like, "You can't do anything. Like you are such a puss." And I'm like, "It's not intentional." Do you know what I mean? Like I'm not being high maintenance on purpose. My body does not acclimate to nature well. I was a creature bred in captivity. I represent the worst of human evolution, okay?

The fucking air conditioner isn't at 68, I'm going to have a panic attack. If I'm in water for a prolonged period of time, bubbles start to form under my skin. Like genuinely, I had too many fried foods and now I don't have my period for eight months. Like it really is that simple. The smallest thing can knock me off course and I'm just, I am a health nightmare. Urgent care hates to see a bitch like me coming.

"Well, let's see. It all started about eight months ago. I noticed big chunks of hair falling out in the shower. Then I... Well, I got these bubbles on my hands and it only flares up when I go swimming in a public pool.

Let me think about something else. I've got some sort of fungal acne going around on my stomach. It started in my belly button. I don't know. It was like oozing something. Then I got this big rash on my inner thigh and it hurts more when I walk. So I'm trying not to walk so much these days. Something's growing on the back of my heel. It's kind of brown. Brown and blue veins. So cute.

I don't know, what are you thinking? Like an ointment or a pill? Like truly, I don't know. Is it just America making me sick? Like is this something where I go to Europe for two weeks and all of it goes away? Or is it just like, am I poisoning myself through the, what's that? Fucking copy pasta. They feed us poison so we buy their cures while they suppress our medicine.

Like Loki, yeah. Like Loki, yeah. And then someone made a funny one that said, they feed us poisson, so we buy their poisson. And it's a fish filet. Actually, maybe I don't understand. It's a fish filet from McDonald's because poisson means fish in French. So we buy their poisson. And this looks like a pill that's shaped like a fish. I'm really not sure. Anyway.

This is, every time I have to go to urgent care, this is how I feel. I'm like, something made my skin flare up or my stomach or my scalp or my lip or anything like that. Like, it's always the most sensitive parts of the human body where I'm like, yeah, that's got an irritated, big, swollen, red rash on it. You know what? I think I'm done talking about my body.

And that concludes our 17-minute segment on me bitching about my body. Anyway, I'm picking up my ointment tonight, so I'll let y'all know how that goes. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. Can you name every single subscription you have? I know I can't name all of mine, and I'm not alone. I just learned that over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. With Rocket Money, I don't have to remember every subscription or worry about forgetting any, because I can see them all laid out right in front of me.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them with just a few taps.

Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. You can create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going. Get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over budget. The

The new goals feature automatically saves money for you without you having to think about it. Whether your goal is to pay off credit card debt, put away money for a house, or just build your savings, Rocket Money makes it easy. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, sometimes by up to 20%. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service.

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash broski report. That's rocketmoney.com slash broski report. rocketmoney.com slash broski report. This episode is brought to you by Tinder. The only

Only thing harder than choosing a Halloween costume is dating. But you guys, amazing news. Tinder's unique safety features make dating feel easy, all while keeping you safe. So all you gotta do is think about your first date fit. Tinder cares about every step of your dating journey and wants to make sure you feel good from the first message to the first date.

Safety features like Share My Date, Are You Sure?, and Noonlight help you make new connections in a comfortable environment where you can be your beautiful self. Feel confident about dating fearlessly with Tinder, and I'm sure your outfit is a 10 out of 10. Explore all the possibilities for yourself on Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. Let me tell you what happened to me last night, okay? I was awoken.

around 4 a.m. by a thick and chemical smell of smoke in my home. And I wake up and I go, this is how it happens. This is how I fucking die. I die alone and in my home and for a stupid reason. What, smoke? And so I'm around my house desperately like,

Is it an electrical fire? I'm like trying to, I'm like, if I was my dad, what would I do? Is it an electrical fire? No. Is it a gas fire? No. Is it, is something just on fire? Did something catch on fire? Did I forget to blow out a candle? Did I something? I go all around the house and I, I smell around the door, the doors. Okay. That lead to the, to the outside. And I smell it so strong.

And so I go out front and I go stand in my front yard and it smells so strong. And it's not even like, oh, it's a campfire. It was like a chemical natural gas fire. And I'm like, is it a house on the street? So I go out into the street. It's 4 a.m., 4.30 a.m. I'm panicking. Okay. It's cold outside. I'm looking up and down the street and I'm like, is no one else there?

awake. Does no one else care? And like, no one's outside. I don't see any smoke. Like actually it's a little hazy outside and I don't see a fire. And so I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm freaking out. Cause I'm like, I can't sleep. Like something clearly is going on. It feels wrong to just go back to bed. And so I go on citizen and on the next door app because I am a white suburban mother. And I'm like,

Billows of smoke in my house. No chemical fire. What's going on? And on, you know, on those apps, it's like, it'll show you the neighborhood that you're in. And like, people will be like, I'm on this intersection or I live by this building. I smell it here too. It was all over my area. Come to find out. Okay. I'm on citizen. I'm on next door. As the hour goes on, it's about 5 a.m. now.

probably about 30 people are in this thread on Nextdoor that are like, I smell it too. Like, I'm at this intersection. I did the same thing. I checked my home. Then I went out in the street and it's super strong out on the street. Earlier today, there was some fire at some prop house and it was about 12 hours before I smelled the smoke. And I'm like,

If this is carryover from that, then we should have seen it, first of all. Like, I should have seen gray smoke because gray smoke means it's actively burning. White smoke means they put it out, right? And it wouldn't have taken 12 hours to travel that far. And so I'm like, that can't be it. Someone else is like, there's a homeless person doing a trash fire. No, it wouldn't be that intense of a smell. I call 911. And I've only called 911 maybe twice in my life.

One was in traffic when there was a car. It was like a six lane highway in Texas. And on the third lane, I mean, dead center of the highway, a car was parked and it was smoking. And I was like, hello, someone's going to fucking rear end this car. And then there's going to be a hundred car pileup. And so I swerved out of the way because it was at nighttime too. This car's lights were not on.

And I called 911 and I said, I'm at this exit. I just passed this exit. There is a stalled car with no one in it in the middle of the fucking highway. And I don't know if it's a bomb. I don't know what's going on. But, and they were like, thank you. We're on it. That was one of the only times I've called 911 this time.

It always is like I got a rush of adrenaline because I'm like, this is a, you call 911, something's going down. And I was worried because I live alone and it helped that, you know, there are different apps that are like, I smell it too. It's, it's, I'm getting a sense of it's over this larger area of like three different neighborhoods that this smoke smell is reaching. And I'm like, that is not good.

And then on top of that, the health concerns. I'm like, what am I breathing in? So I turn on all the fans in my house to try to like aerate it. And then I call 911.

And it's immediate. And I'm like, wow. Because the only other time I've called 911 in LA, they had me on hold for seven minutes. Seven minutes. And it was an immediate pickup because it was 5 a.m. 911, what's your emergency? I said, there is a thick smell of chemical smoke in this neighborhood. I'm at this intersection. I've checked with some neighbors. They smell it too. It's as far as this neighborhood. I just wanted to report it because it feels like this is a product of something larger. I don't know if someone's called it in.

And they were like, okay, we'll get you over to the fire department. And I was like, yeah, okay. So they transfer me and they get me to the fire department or LA fire department. What's going on? And I said, there is a thick smell. And I went outside and it's hazy, like of, of chemical smoke. And he goes, there was a natural gas leak reported about eight hours ago around your neighborhood. Now I'm just like, what? This doesn't smell like that. Like if you've ever smelled natural gas, like,

It doesn't smell like that. That's a scary smell as well. But this smelled like a plastic fire. A piece of plastic was on fire. And like your first thought is, oh my God, my home is burning. As of about 15 minutes ago, across the freeway, there is a big blaze. Something happened across the freeway and like fire trucks are dispatched right now. So that's probably the source of your concern. And I was like-

Okay. I was like, you're look, dude, it's not about me. Like it's about the neighborhood and about if something's happening, let's put it out.

because we're smelling it as far like across the freeway. That's crazy. And he was like, yeah, we're on it. And I said, okay, I just wanted to call and let you know. And he's like, okay, thank you. But at this point it's like 5 20 AM. This is literally four hours ago. It's like nine 30 right now. I don't really know what else to do other than turn on, you know, my little air purifier and try to go to bed because I have shit to do today.

And I woke up this morning and I haven't been outside, but the house smells fine. There's no smoke in the air. It's a bright, beautiful, sunny day. So like, what the fuck? It gave me this sort of, sorry to get serious for a second. It gave me this sort of existential smallness, which is something I've been toying with a lot lately because of this book I'm reading as well, of like how truly powerless I am and how I think in a lot of ways,

As a woman, you know, my dad tried to raise me to be as self-sufficient as I can be. And he did a great job. But there are certain things that I just feel like if I would have been the eldest boy for all my succession people out there, because I'm the oldest child by six years. And if I would have been the eldest boy, I think that some more skills would have been instilled in me.

And I don't, I'm not blaming my dad. I'm not blaming anyone because he taught me, you know, I know how to use a drill. I know how to like use an anchor. I know how to change a tire. I know things like that. But there are certain things like that where I feel so small and powerless and like, someone fix it. Like something like a chemical fire. I mean, I know there's nothing I could have done, especially if it was affecting the larger neighborhood, but

it gave me this anxiety of like, I truly am reliant on my local government to fix things for me. Something like that. I mean, that is the local government. If they're inept, if they're understaffed, if they're

you know, underfunded. Who suffers? The little guy, you know, the small families and the children of like breathing in that fucking chemical smoke. It just gave me this feeling of like, I've never felt that before. And maybe this is a very, I don't even know what I'm getting at. I just felt like,

I feel so powerful in a lot of other areas of my life. Like I can do this. I know how to do this. Or if I don't, I'll figure it out where it's something small and contained like in the home or if I need to kill a spider or if I, whatever I can put on my big girl panties and I can do that. If I had a pop tire, knock on wood, I could watch a video, figure it out on my own. You know what I mean? Like I have a spare tire in my car. I'm like,

tools. Like I could figure it out for the most part, or if not, you know, you call USAA, you get it done. Something like this was just so, it made me feel so small and human. And when I woke up, I was like, my initial thought wasn't,

Am I okay? It was like, is the neighborhood, you know what I mean? Because I had been checking with people in my neighborhood on these apps early in the morning and I felt very connected to them. And then I also had this, because you know, these thoughts come in like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, rapid fire. I was like, I really am not familiar with my neighbors.

And I think that started during COVID when I moved to LA in like December of 2019. And then COVID hit literally two, three months later. It wasn't really acceptable to go around your neighbor's doors and be like, hi, how are ya? Breathing your hot air in their face during COVID. And then just since then, I've never really made it a priority to get to know the people who live around me. And there's such a,

Again, this is my American isolationist, American self-centeredism coming out where I just never found it important to connect with my neighbors or like meet them or figure out what they do or where they're from or, you know, if I ever needed anything. Neighbors are supposed to be that. It's not supposed to be this standoffish, like don't talk to me, what are you doing on my lawn sort of thing. I know at least in my neighborhood, there's some people who

work for Disney, because my landlord told me this, some people who work for Disney, some families who have owned property in this neighborhood since, like, the 30s. Like, there's some really cool stories, and I claim to be this fucking humanist, you know, that values the power of the human story, and I just...

It's never been a priority of mine. But last night just gave me this fright of if something were to happen to me in my home, I don't know who would find me. Truly, I don't know who would find me. And I don't have the infrastructure of a network of a community for if something scary like that happened or if my house was on fire, like somewhere I could go. I would just stand out in the street and cry. You know what I mean? Like I couldn't. Anyway, I don't know. Do y'all talk to your neighbors?

In an apartment building, in a condo, in a... I don't know. Do you know what I'm trying to... Do you know what I'm asking? Anyway. So that was my night last night. Everything's fine, I feel like. Looks fine. Haven't checked the news, but... Here is something I want to talk about that has been deeply affecting my life in the vein of...

you know, I'm trying to do better by myself, okay? There is a girl on TikTok named Alyssa and she makes those snack plates, okay? I don't know if you've seen her. I'll put a picture of her up here. She makes these beautiful, well-balanced snack plates that have, quite honestly, like I'm being very genuine,

rewired my brain in terms of how to feed myself. And I mean that very genuinely. And this is leading back to this path of, you know,

The internet can either intensely harm you or intensely help you. And when I get messages that seem so cliche and so corny sometimes, it's like, your videos help me. Shut the fuck up. How? How could these videos help you? Truly. Like, I struggle to understand that sometimes. And then I read the comments and...

Without feeling self-important, of course I see the value in what a funny, silly video online can do for someone who's struggling or going through a hard time. And I, of course, have my comfort creators, but I think that culture is changing for me a little bit where I don't really have comfort people anymore. I have...

comfort topics or I have comfort activities. I'm trying not to base my happiness and my life around the postings of people or the continuity of being fed every week by something. Like I try to satiate those feelings by multiple different things. Lately, it's been

documentaries on YouTube and it's also been coloring. I'm back into coloring. I was doing air clay for a minute. Okay. Got bored of air clay. Now I'm coloring because I got these, Joanne Fabric sent me some of these paint pens. Yeah. I'm into that. Okay. So I'm doing coloring now. So I've been trying to do that. But what I'm saying is I understand the impact of just

someone filming themselves, filming their lives and finding meaning and help and almost advice, counsel from that. So this woman, Alyssa, she just shares her snack plates. She makes these really beautiful snack plates that are full of fresh ingredients. There's really no other way to say it. So she'll make a plate.

That will have something fun like a chicken salad or a sweet potato salad or a bean salad, which feels very like 90s chicken salad chick sex of the city type of food.

But, oh, I just had this visceral flash of a mom with a Tuscan Italian kitchen, the old Bath and Body Works scents, a distressed coach or diesel fossil purse. You know what I mean? Really thin brows, brown lipstick, that sort of thing. They love a bean salad. And so she'll do something like that with a raw carrot, a raw radish,

some pickles, some berries, a fun dip, like a tahini dip or something like a hummus. And then she'll do some form of protein. Sometimes she'll do like

Reese's peanut butter cup or something like that, but just one and the way that she assembles these place It's full it's full of food like it's it's piled up on the plate But it's all small helpings of each individual thing and it's colorful and it's fun and she incorporates, you know protein vegetables fruit and then she'll have Something fun to like four or five Buffalo potato chips

And I watch her assemble these and I'm like, she is fueling her body with raw natural ingredients, which feels so, you know. Oh, you ate a carrot.

But for someone like me, monumental. If I eat a raw carrot, you bitches better watch out because I'm taking care of myself. And so watching her do this while also having fun with it where she'll make her own chicken salad or her own bean salad, which is just

Butter beans, which are delicious, which is a great source of protein. Pepperoncinis, like banana peppers, some cut up pickled red peppers, some vinegar, and then some olive oil and some salt. She'll mix it all up. Delicious. It is fucking yum. Okay, so just a little helping of that. I made the other day, because I've been doing this all week. It's Monday and I've been doing it for like three days. I just got a bunch of

ingredients from the store that I can eat and that I like. Because here's the thing, I'm not going to force myself to eat something that I know that I don't like. Sometimes she'll do a hard-boiled egg, cut it in half, do flaky salt on it. I don't like hard-boiled eggs. Sometimes she'll do...

Cottage cheese. I fucking hate cottage cheese. Like I'm not going to do things or because I tried to remember that girl who made that plate that was like chicken, apple, sausage with mustard, all that shit. Half the stuff on that plate I didn't like. And so I made it and I was, oh, shocker, I didn't like it. I was like, what are some foods I know that I like?

And so I made it. And it was like this beautiful scene from Ratatouille where I came home and I had all of these fresh, colorful ingredients as fresh as you can get it in America. I'm shopping at Ralph's. You know what I mean? Like this is Kroger, right?

You're paying like the price that they charge, the upcharge for something organic. I've talked about this before. It is mind boggling. Something organic, something fresh, something grown out of the ground should be the most like cheapest item in the grocery store. And the overly processed red 40 food should be expensive. And it's the other way around. And that's not revolutionary to say that it's not, you know, I'm not revealing any new information. It's just,

Doing something like this really focuses your attention on that of this shit is so expensive. It is so much money to eat well. And even then you're not eating well because when I open my container of strawberries, they're all the same exact size and they're all the same color and they're all the same. And I'm like, that's not natural.

I wonder where those stores, you know, they make those stores that are like all the reject fruits and vegetables that are ugly. They're perfectly good for you and there's nothing wrong with them, but they're ugly. And so they don't get sold or they get picked over. Where are those places? What are those called? I also need to start going. There's a farmer's market. I live over by a farmer's market. I need to start going there. That would be so fun. I get to pick out all that shit and I get to support my local community.

I really don't go as much as I should because I Instacart. Okay, sue me! I Instacart. Anyway, so here's what I did. I had so much fun. I assembled my little snack plate with stuff I like. So I got chicken salad and it's the chicken salad with like celery and onions and some grapes in it. That's my favorite. I got that. I made a spicy tuna. So I got tuna and I put gochujang and the Korean mayonnaise in it. That was one. Okay, high in protein.

I made bean salad, which is that thing that she made that I just gave the recipe for. And then I made this cucumber salad, which was delicious. Okay, y'all listen to me, write this down. Thinly sliced cucumbers. I used plant-based sour cream and plant-based cream cheese because mama can't handle milk.

Then I put in lemon pepper, onion salt, a little bit of just normal flaky salt, and then dill, fresh dill. And you mix that up and it makes this creamy cucumber salad. I actually found it to put under this air fryer chicken. I didn't even do that. I just ate it on its own because it was so good.

It tasted like a pickle, but more fresh and like creamy. I can't even describe it. And so those are all my salads, quote unquote. Okay, so that's on this side. And then on the plate, I'll do a singular radish because radishes are like this big. Radishes taste like nothing. They taste like water and they're just crunchy and they're good, okay? And I used to do water chestnuts, but then I kind of got grossed out by the texture. So now I do radish. I'll do a couple baby carrots. And I mean like three, three baby carrots.

I'll do three strawberries. I'll do a couple blueberries, a sweet potato. This has been my thing lately too, is just cooking a sweet potato in the microwave and then cutting it open, cutting it into like bite-sized chunks and then sprinkle a little bit of brown sugar on it and a little bit of salt. That shit, I...

And then I'll do just lettuce, like those leaves of lettuce, like romaine hearts. I'll take two off and then I'll rip them in half. So it's like four pieces of little tiny lettuce. And then I'll put my chicken salad in that, like a little chicken salad wrap. Because my doctor told me to eat more lettuce. Okay. Okay. My dumb ass when I'm eating lettuce.

Okay, so that's my plate. And so I'll do literally just like a spoonful of each one. And by the time you're done, it is a full plate of food. And I'll pick on it, you know, because it's all cold. You don't have to heat it up. I am so full. Like that's my lunch. And I'm like,

This has, I have never, I'm like smiling. I've never looked at food that way. It's fun. And I'm, I've always struggled with portion control and how best to feed myself and like door dashing or even like Instagram and groceries. It's like, okay. And then you cook the chicken and then you cook the mashed potatoes and you cook green beans. And that's a balanced meal. Also, no, it's not. Mashed potatoes?

Okay, and then you put the butter and then you put the salt and then you put a little bit of potato.

Like it's just sort of rewired how I think about fueling my body. And it was amazing when the first day I did this, I didn't take a nap that day. I have to take a nap every single day. And I know that's a symptom of the PCOS too, that me and my doctor are still trying to get through because I'm like, I'm doing everything I should. I've completely cut out gluten, completely cut out dairy because those two things, my body just cannot handle. And I had no idea. Like I truly had no idea. And she was like, you're eating foods,

that you cannot handle and I was like okay sure you're calling me a push you're calling me a pussy bro I'm not a pussy bro I can handle bread I can eat bread and she was like your body just can't do it and it fucks with your hormones I can't eat avocado banana coconut because they all fuck with my hormones they all spike my testosterone and I grow a penis

Okay, bread makes me grow a penis. Milk makes me grow a penis. Cheese, penis. Like, truly, it's so annoying. And so when I go in for my hormone panels and she's like, you've been eating dairy, haven't you? I'm like, no, yes. Because when you're out with friends, I'm not going to be like, oh, the pussy meal for me, please. I'm just going to eat what everyone else is eating. But recently I went home.

to my grandparents' house in Texas, and I told them all my dietary restrictions. And my Mimi made me this beautiful meal. My Mimi and my mom that was like Hawaiian chicken teriyaki with pineapple, which I can eat, sweet potato, and cabbage. And did cabbage give me gas? Yeah, but it was delicious. And like, that was a nice meal and I could eat it and they made it for me. And I was like, that's really nice. So it is possible to have the, you know,

meat, two sides, that isn't just chicken, rice, broccoli, because I would put a bullet in my skull faster than you would ever believe if that was my meal for the rest of my life. Chicken, rice, cauliflower, chicken, rice, broccoli, chicken, rice, I'm not doing it. Also, I can't have rice, so.

This snack plate, Alyssa, thank you. I am your number one fan. Thank you so much. She puts these, also her videos are so aesthetic. She'll do grocery hauls. She's like, I got this natural butter and I've been loving this snap peas lately. I can't get enough of red pears. I'm like, I love her.

And she's so cool. She like bleaches her eyebrows and she's so, she'll put like classical music in the background. I love her. I'm addicted to her because one thing I love about a recipe video or a food snack plate assembly video and aesthetic music in the background, Neo It Girl does it too.

uh, when she does her get ready with me. She does classical music in the background. I love classical music. I'm entering this new era of my life that's, I'm calling it, um, I care about myself. And honestly, guys, it's great. It's really working out for me. You guys should try it. You might love it. I'm doing my ointments. I'm eating carrots, okay? I'm going on walks. That's a lie. I go on walks sometimes. Um,

It is truly, I know that the internet, okay, I'm about to rant. I'm about to rant. I'm about to rant. Lock in. I just watched myself on the monitor do that and it pissed me off. I just watched myself do that and I'm mad. Fucking mad. Why did I do that? Like, like that actually just pissed me off. I'm mad. The internet has bastardized self-care culture.

Amongst so many other things, mental health culture, you don't owe anyone anything. All of these things are taking us out of our human instinct and derailing us off this path that is our natural instinct to seek and build a community. The internet is not a community.

There can be fellowship that can be derived or taken from certain parts of the internet, both positive and very harmful and scary. And by that, I mean the spectrum of, you know,

One Direction and K-pop stans and that sort of community all the way to sort of like a QAnon. The range is very wide. And all we want as humans is to find community and to seek like-minded beings who will validate our feelings and we can find connection with. We just want connection at the end of the day. And we will do anything to get it, even if we know it's wrong.

Knowing this and knowing that TikTok, as isolating as TikTok can feel, a lot of people find community on TikTok. I've built a community online that I'm so fortunate y'all are a part of. You know, that this is as intangible as it seems, it is a community. And through shared interests, through I'm lucky enough that y'all have an affinity for me online,

You know, that is a community. And TikTok has bastardized, I think, in a lot of ways what self-care really looks like. But I'm finding this side of TikTok that is it's individual women sharing how they take care of themselves. And it's not in this sort of way that's

Here are the top five things that you need to do that are small, quiet luxury to take care. I don't want that. I want like the girl who made that video that was about the Aperol Spritz playlist.

changed my life. Or she was like, I've struggled with this. I've struggled with that. And a true way that I found to unwind and relax and treat myself is listening to this playlist when I shower, when I cook, when I whatever. And it's just bossa nova. It's just bossa nova. It's like

Italian countryside Lake Como music. And that is a small thing where I feel like she got nothing. She gained nothing from sharing that with us. And we gain everything, you know, like I, that playlist changed my life. Alyssa making her snack plates. That's a small thing to be like, I'm just going to

kind of vlog what I'm doing today or just share what I'm eating. That shit changed my life where it feels so it's, it's the butterfly effect of it feels so small, but it has revolutionized the way that I view food. And it kind of is going to make me emotional because I've struggled with feeding myself for a long time from like a binge eating disorder to

to not anorexia, but like, I think part of a binge eating disorder is gorging and then restricting. It's almost punishing yourself with no food and then punishing yourself with a lot of food because you think that, you know, you're fat and you deserve this and no one's gonna, it's just this spiral of like self-hatred. And to come from that, the scary year I've had with PCOS stuff

To realizing how actually important, which seems so stupid and reductive, but like it is so important what fuel you put in your body. And I was not fueling my body. It's a fucking miracle that I've made it this far with how I've been treating my body. And like, it's people like those women that show me, first of all, I just love being a girl. I love being a girl because those things are so simple, right?

But like it really is so impactful and it's so gentle. I think that's what makes me really... It's so gentle. And in a world that's so harsh. I don't know why that's made me so emotional. You know something as gentle as feeding yourself things from the earth. When like historically I've just never done that. And like...

It feels stupid to cry over that and I don't like I don't mean to but it's kind of cathartic in a way of I don't think I've realized how neglectful I've been to myself and um and how it feels good and I feel proud of myself for taking care of myself because it's not easy like it's really not easy.

Especially when everything is geared to take your attention away from yourself. Everything online, every app, every suggested post, every algorithm is intended to steal your time and steal your attention, which is a form of currency, away from yourself so that you cannot give it to yourself. And then it pumps you full of these ideologies of you don't owe anyone anything.

which is so not true. Like, you owe people kindness and empathy. And, like, these people on TikTok who are preaching this dangerous rhetoric, it's stuff like, and it feels so simple, and maybe that's me, you know, viewing the world with rose-colored glasses of, it can be so much sweeter. Those two things, amongst other things, you know, of, like,

how to actually have a healthy soul feeding nighttime routine because I'm not a creature of routine. I can't be. With this job, it's so exciting and new things are happening every day, but I can't have a routine because I'm home for four days and then I'm gone for two weeks. It's impossible to be like, every morning I wake up and I have my radish and I can't do that.

For the longest time, because protein is a big thing for me, I struggle to get my protein in. And protein is what fuels you through the day. My doctor says I need anywhere from 60 to 120 grams of protein. In the past, I'm lucky if I got 30. It's hard to travel with protein shakes and this and that. You know, it's just you adapt and

You find ways to do it. But I was beating myself up for a long time of, you know, this is hard for me. Why is this so fucking hard for me? No one else seems to be struggling with this. And then it's also admitting that you lack knowledge and information. I lack information about nutrition.

what a healthy diet looks like. And I don't mean diet as in dieting. I mean, as in like a human diet, you know, what is a human supposed to eat and what is a human need to live long and healthy and happy? Yeah, it's been, this year has been so transformative in so many ways. And I mean, it's almost Halloween and that has nothing to do with it, but I just felt the need to say that because I think I'm going to be a minion for Halloween.

It's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Anyway, one more thing I am going to- this is completely off topics and thank you for letting me cry, okay? Thank you for letting me cry about Alyssa the Snack Plate Girl. I fucking love her. I am going to see a play on Broadway I've only ever seen I think one or two plays on Broadway, but like not Broadway, Broadway, Off-Broadway I think I saw Wicked Off-Broadway like ten years ago, and I saw Lion King, okay?

bought tickets to McNeil. This is a play. It's not a musical and it stars none other than Robert Downey Jr. And y'all know how I feel about Robert Downey Jr. That's my man. That's my fucking boy. He is doing a limited run of this play McNeil until November 24th. And the tickets are sold out so much to the point where I tried to get tickets for me and Stanley to go

It's so hard to find a show where there's two tickets next to each other. Like, completely sold out to the point where it's only one individual seat at some shows. I scored tickets on a Wednesday. I am so excited. Like, I have not been...

I do a lot of celebrity interviews. I host red carpets. The idea of celebrity has sort of been tarnished to me a little bit, you know, because they're just normal people. And I grew up in the Tumblr era and whatever, where these celebrities are gods. And to a certain extent, that sentiment still exists today to a lot of people. But there are only a few people left in my life that are still up here that are like, oh my God. I will say after meeting Beyonce, she's still up there.

One of the only remaining people on that list for me is Robert Downey Jr. And I don't know why. I think if y'all have been listening to this podcast long enough and you know enough about me, you know that Iron Man 2 is one of my favorite movies of all time. Sherlock Holmes, one of my favorite movies of all time. RDJ's version, of course. Only You, which is one of RDJ's cheesy rom-coms from the 80s. These are all some of my favorite movies of all time.

I love him. I love him truly. Like, he has informed so much of who I am as a person. I've never seen him in person. I've never seen him anywhere. I've never, you know what I mean? Like, I see the fan photos and the whatever, but he doesn't really take pictures with fans on the street or whatever. He's also like 60. He's got kids and a wife, Susan Downey, his missus. Like, there's so many...

that are willing to play the celebrity game. I think RDJ likes being famous, but he doesn't buy into this, like, I'm...

You know what I mean? Like almost influencer level famous. I have a feeling like think fuck I'm going with someone because if I went to this shit alone, I would be weeping in the audience. This play is not like it's about AI and, you know, struggling with the human. It's like a very highbrow from what it seems from the synopsis. It seems like a very pointed and intentional play. Very timely. Very relevant play.

And I'm excited to see it for that reason. But also, when I see him in person, I don't know. I feel like he's Ariana Grande. I don't know. He is my Ariana Grande. I don't really know what's up with that. Anyway, I'm seeing him. I'm seeing the play. And I'll let y'all know how it is. I see it in a few weeks. And I'm flying to New York just to see it. I cannot wait.

And I, because I told myself, I said, if this play ends and I miss my chance to see RDJ live on Broadway, it's over. Like, shut it down. I'll go crazy. That will be the biggest regret. You know how in old folks homes, they have the old people sit there and they're like, what's the secret to life? What's one regret you have? If I was 21 again, I...

I would dot, dot, dot. And they have them write it on these big whiteboards. Mine would be, I'll be 107 in the old folks home. My grandkids, my children abandoned me. Actually, I don't think I'll ever have kids. So my nieces and nephews abandoned me. I'm in the old folks home in my wheelchair. They're like,

What's the number one regret of your life? On that I would write, didn't see RDJ on Broadway. And I'd hold it up. And people would be like, who the fuck is RDJ? It's, it's 2091. You know? Anyway. Okay, guys, I think that'll do it for me this episode. I don't know what the fuck I talked about. And, uh...

I'll see you next week. Seriously. Thanks for listening. And sorry about my lip. If it's grossing you out. Sorry, I talked about ointment for 45 minutes. Sorry that my head is shaped like an egg because I've been looking at that and this feedback monitor for about give or take an hour. You know who else has informed my worldview and my life view? Kieran Culkin. Kieran Culkin. I'll get into that next episode.

If you want Broski Report merch, just go to broski.shop. Just do it. Okay? I'm not going to, like, force you, but just go. Broski.shop. Subscribe to the Broski Report YouTube channel. Subscribe to the Royal Court YouTube channel. Very exciting episodes coming out in the next month. Also, really quickly, and I don't want this to be, like, a thing. I don't want to talk about Liam Payne. I don't want to talk about Liam Payne.

So please stop asking me and please. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. OK, I'll see you guys next week. And I love you. And thanks for listening. And make sure you're registered to vote. And bye bye.