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Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Broski Report with me, your host, Brittany Broski, the host of the Brittany Broski Broski Report with Brittany Broski. Pride month, guys! This is what Ellen DeGeneres fought and died for. When we enlisted Ellen DeGeneres into the Broski Nation army, this is what she fought for. I think, honestly, to kind of have a serious moment, this year's Pride Month is so, so important.
And with all of the anti-LGBTQ legislation happening right now, which is fucking terrifying. And with the sort of war on drag and gender expression and trans lives and gender affirming care, all of it happening at once, like pride month means so fucking much now. It always has. But this year, especially what the fuck is going on in America? Just like what that coupled with the war on women's rights is
And bodily autonomy is just like, I don't as a country, I'm,
It's so regressive. And I don't understand that. That really is the hardest part for me is I don't understand where it's coming from. I do. I do understand where it's coming from. And it's a method of control. And of course it's the patriarchy and it's old crusty white men who are scrambling for, to keep their level of control that they've always had because as the world changes, they become uncomfortable. And if they're uncomfortable, you know,
We all suffer. So I do, I understand where it's coming from. I guess I just don't understand the timing, you know, like to come so far to take two steps forward and four steps back. It feels so fucking dystopian and handmaid's tale. And it's just a really scary time to be alive right now. So I want you guys to know that as always in as not cringy of a way as possible, I,
My channel and all of my channels, everything I ever hope to put out online, I hope to create a space where you can escape into it, where you can feel safe and you can laugh and have a good time and forget about all of the bullshit that you have to think about in your daily life, especially for kids.
my audience who, who connects with what's going on right now. And honestly, all of you should, if you are not connecting with what's going on in America right now, and you don't feel a personal tie to it, you need to fucking check yourself. Cause it's not all about you. That's like, I had, I had a friend that I no longer talk to who, um, he was a man when Roe v. Wade was, um, when that happened, I was at VidCon 2022, um,
And I had to speak on a panel that day and the decision was released. And I called a bunch of people and I was like, I can't, if you expect me to be able to get up on a stage today while my rights are actively being stripped away from me and everyone that I love, you're smoking fucking crack. Like cancel everything I'm doing today. I'm going to lay in this bed and fucking cry. And that's exactly what I did. And it wasn't crying for,
For me. It's not about me. I am affected, but it's not about me. I'm crying for every fucking woman or person with a uterus in this country that would now have to be forced to give birth. It is quite literally the most disturbing human rights violation I have ever... To have your bodily autonomy stripped from you. I cannot actually...
conceptualize what that must feel. I just... So this happened that day during VidCon. And this friend of mine who I no longer talk to was like, well, I don't understand. You live in California. You can get an abortion. He was like, you're not even pregnant. Are you? Like, is there something wrong with you to look me in my eyes and say that? Well, you're not even pregnant. Why do you...
I feel like a fucking gorilla. I could start beating my chest and like run out the door and like rip somebody's eyeballs out. Like I just literally, you don't fucking get it. Do you? You don't get it. Do you not have a mom, a grandma, any friend that's a woman that if she were to be violated and somehow end up pregnant, she would have to go through with that pregnancy. She's not allowed. She could be jailed if she gets an abortion. What the fuck? What do you mean?
That's also the point. It's not about me. It's about my friends who are still in fucking Texas. It's about my Bible Belt, who are in any of these fucked up states where to be a woman is a punishable crime. That's what it's about. It's not about me. I was so fucking mad. I don't talk to him anymore.
Those men, I don't have the patience nor the time to sit here and explain the plight of a woman in 2023 to you. Fuck you. You don't get it. Get out of my life. You have lost me as a friend because you chose to say that bullshit to me. I just like, I don't, I am at this point with all of it where it's just not even, you know, I used to feel so compassionate. And so, you know, I need to explain everything.
to the men in my life, and even some women, you know, the pick-me women and women with internalized misogyny, even my own mom sometimes. I used to sit down and explain the reality because the information that my mom had when she was my age compared to the information we have now as young 20-something-year-olds,
I think by and large, we are absolutely the most educated generation because of the access to information that we have. Also the access to misinformation. But I just like to have to explain to my own mother who gave birth to me why banning abortion is a human rights violation. I just like, and that's something very personal. And I hope that
I don't want my life to be opened up to discussion for y'all. I want that to serve as an example of what I'm talking about. Please don't involve yourself in my life and my relationships, please, for the love of fucking Christ. But I say that as an example of some women just truly don't understand because it's either shrouded by religion or
It's shrouded by their internalized misogyny, you know, of, well, childbirth is a miracle. Sure, you can think that. I don't ever want to have a child. Honestly, if I got pregnant, that would ruin my fucking life. I don't want a child. I don't want the burden of bringing a child into this world. I understand, sure, that it can feel like a blessing. But if that blessing is forced upon you, is it a blessing?
And on top of that, you're bringing a child into this world that is innocent, that's now a victim. What if I don't want that child and I surrender it to the foster care system, the broken, broken foster care system in America? That's part of the problem. It's such a complex issue. And I think it ties very much into this war on both women and on
the LGBTQ community and it's fucking terrifying and it's devastating and it's scary. And I want you guys to know that I'm, you know, as much as I can, I will provide a space to where you don't have to think about it and where you feel loved and accepted and welcomed. That's very, very important to me because the gay community, I mean, it's why I have the fucking pride flag.
on my set, like it is something so, so special and important to me and who I am as a person. And I don't have enough words for, to express my gratitude to the gay community for the support that I've had. And not even, I'm not even talking about my internet career. I mean, my entire life, since I was probably 12, 13, I was hanging out with gay kids who didn't even know they were gay yet. And I think that it's always been this
magnetic sort of, for whatever reason, and Trixie and I have talked about it before too, of, you know, why is it that way? And I don't know. I don't, I can't explain it. I don't think it's for me to explain, but there is a magnetism between me and who I am to the gay community. And I feel very, very lucky to be considered, you know, to be accepted by the gay community to a certain extent. It's something very, very special to me. And I,
I want to reciprocate that. So I love y'all. And it's a very scary time to be alive right now. And community is more important than ever. And I just really want to hammer that in because I feel isolated sometimes. I feel isolated a lot of the time.
And I recognize that I live in a little blue bubble here in Los Angeles. And I never in a million years thought that I would live in Los Angeles, you know, nonetheless work here and kind of this be the broski nation HQ. And so it's weird because I never grew up around like-minded people, people who like to their core and to their bones believed the things I believed.
Black Lives Matter and blue lives are not a fucking thing. And that gay rights are human rights and trans rights are human rights. And all like all of these things are like, I grew up with people who passionately and violently disagreed with me. And so to now move to a place where that's the standard, of course, that's the standard.
It was very new to me because I've always felt like the black sheep of my family and of my community. You know, all the tree hugger, the liberal, whatever. And now I live in arguably one of the most liberal cities in the country. And it's great. And I love it. But I think there are... It's dangerous to find yourself in an echo chamber like this. It's just a feedback loop of people who are always repeating the same things because it's true. I mean, we all... I live 10 minutes from West Hollywood. Like, I just...
This is something that it is honestly, it's shocking, but it's not surprising. You know, that we're still fucking talking about all this in 2023 because of where I come from and the ideologies that I was raised around. Like I have seen it firsthand and I've experienced it firsthand growing up in the fucking church. Like I just want y'all to know that this is a place that you can come to. So happy Pride Month. Holy fuck.
And please go out and celebrate. I'm also going to link some charities and organizations in the description that I really think you should check out and that I've donated to and that I would encourage you to donate to as well. So yeah, love you guys. Sorry for the little rant, but if you don't like it, get the fuck out sort of thing. You know what I mean? If you don't like it and you lick my tiny little asshole, you can lick my tight, hairy, pink little asshole. And that's really all I have to say about it.
Also, I'm wearing a Dolly Parton sweatshirt that says, tease it to Jesus and spray it like hell. I know that's right. What you're hearing is Hardy Fiber Cement Siding living up to its reputation as the siding that handles hail impact with ease. James Hardy knows how important a reputation is, especially when you're a contractor. That's why Hardy Siding withstands severe weather better than vinyl siding with styles to match its strength.
so you can be sure you're providing your clients with the best. Protect your reputation with exterior products by James Hardy. 40%. You're welcome. Go, go, go, go, go. Bye-bye. Okay, I want to retouch on what I talked about last week, which is I've been re-watching Love Island. I'm still re-watching it. It's so fucking good.
And I would like to pick my own Love Island lineup because why not? Right. I am in in Broski Nation. We do have a form of the Hunger Games. OK, and it's going to be my version of Love Island, which is separate from my other show I'm working on called Love Island Plus, which is like I said, it's going to be a plus size Love Island. It's going to be Love Island with just a bunch of fat people and I'll be on it.
And I'm going to win because I am the game maker. I'm the host and I'm also a contestant. And Love Island Plus is really a chance for me. I'm also the only woman on the island. It's a chance for me to find my mate. It's going to be just a bunch of men that I like and it's going to be me. And I'm going to be in my little Spanx swimsuit.
And I'm going to have a spray tan and I'm going to have a blowout. Okay. And I'm going to have lashes and I'm going to look fucking incredible. And it's called Love Island Plus. And it's just me with all my men. Okay. And then I get to pick and they get to ask me on dates. I don't have to do anything. Okay.
Okay, anyway, so my own love island. If I were a showrunner, if I were a producer, here is my casting, okay? Also, if any of these people are American that I'm about to list, in my mind, they're British, okay? Some of them are British, but if they're American, just imagine them with a British accent. And not like a terrible American doing a British accent. I mean, I mean, like, actually, like, do you know what I mean? Like, I'm in me head. Like, I don't know, babe. It's like...
I really like him but he's just a boy, like he's just a boy. And I know he's gonna disappoint me eventually so like, mug me off like, I don't know like, I just always do this to myself like, I'll go for the same type of and I know it's gonna work. That's good huh? I am so talented. Okay, fine. Okay, like I said, if these people are American, imagine them talking like that.
Or if they're American, you can also imagine them as maybe Scottish. They come and be like, you right away. That's not Scottish. What was that? You right away. Like Welsh almost? No, what is that? I don't know. Okay. Entering the villa. Man number one. Ew. Ew. I was trying to do a Shrek. That did not sound like Shrek. Okay, moving on. Man number one is going to be Aaron Taylor Johnson. Damn.
We have a winner. Thank you for watching. Specifically, Aaron Taylor Johnson from when he was in Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging. And Perfect Snogging. Aaron Taylor Johnson. Oh my God. I have no idea. Oh my face just got hot. Oh my God. The scene. Oh.
The scene where they're in the pool and she put that self-tanner, whatever the fuck it was, on her legs and they were orange and she did a handstand on the bottom of the pool or maybe her legs were hairy or something like that. And she was like, look what I can do. And she did a handstand and he seized her legs and he said, like all of us were like, ew. And then he still thinks she's beautiful. What if I shot myself with a rifle, bought a gun and killed myself? Holy shit, dude. 2008, this came out in 2008. He's so...
He's so cute. Okay. Oh my God. Don't ever put me in a room with Aaron Taylor Johnson. I will literally, I will literally rip my shirt in half right here. I would and rip my shirt in half and it would be a little
Little t-shirt scraps and I'm full chested. I'm full. I'm like swinging my boobs around like I'm a fucking gorilla I would start chewing on my t-shirt And then I would wipe my butt Okay, I rip my shirt off and I have them in my hand And then I would wipe my butt with one of them You know how sometimes monkeys will do that? They'll like itch their fucking butt And they'll smell their pee
I can't breathe! Security, whatever! Oh, I'm drooling and crying! Oh my god, if Aaron Taylor Johnson walked into the same room I was in, I would rip my shirt open and then start running around on my knuckles like a gorilla and then I'd take one of the t-shirt pieces and wipe my butt and smell it. Oh god! I just started crying! Oh god. That is so fucking ridiculous! Oh, I just started crying, dude! Ugh!
Thank you guys for watching this video. I don't know what the fuck it is. Okay. Okay. Ooh, Aaron Taylor Johnson. Oh my God. What if he sees this? What if someone sends this to him? I don't want to be served a restraining order. Aaron Taylor Johnson, I'm kidding. Aaron Taylor Johnson, I know you're watching. I'm joking. I would never do that.
I would never rip my shirt open and start running around like a gorilla and start making monkey noises and wipe my butt and smell it and pass out. I would never do that to you. You're acting fucking crazy right now. I would never do that to you. And I don't know where you're hearing these crazy fucking lies. Okay. Wow. Next up, Logan Lerman. Specifically from Percy Jackson.
Okay, Percy Jackson. Oh my god. Wow, he looks so young. I thought he looked a lot older in this movie. He was so cute in Percy Jackson. I'm watching Percy Jackson tonight too. Okay, what's on the watch list? Percy Jackson and Angus Thoggin's The Perfect Snogging. Oh my god, he is- oh my god, this was the wallpaper on my first laptop I ever had, dude. This fucking picture.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, that just electroshocked me. He is so cute. I always used to get him and Dylan O'Brien confused because when I saw Dylan O'Brien, I was like, Dylan O'Brien looks just like the other guy. I think Logan Lerman's cuter. I'm sorry. They look very similar. No, see, I'm not into the beard. He looks like Shia LaBeouf. That is Shia LaBeouf, dude. No, Logan Lerman supremacy. Oh, Logan Lerman's so fucking cute, dude. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Okay, next up. And this might... Stay with me. Zayn Malik. I mean, obviously, right? Zayn Malik gives Love Island. Like, he gives fucking Love Island. And also, additionally, to spice things up, Zayn Hijazi. We would throw Zayn Hijazi post-hairplugs into the Love Island villa.
Okay? And we're going to have Zayn. I would pay US dollars for an interaction between Zayn Malik and Zayn Hijazi. I would like to see them just try to talk to each other for 30 minutes. Put them in a room for 30 minutes. And I want it to be in a padded room and I want cameras in all four corners and I want fucking boom mics. And I want to listen to what they talk about. Wow. Zayn Malik is so, so Love Island.
I'll just pull you for a chat, yeah? I'll pull you for a chat. What's happening? Sorry. Sorry. Slash Broski Report. Thanks. Next up, Diego Luna. Young Diego Luna. Okay, young Diego Luna. Diego Luna. I'm in love with Diego Luna. I think that we could make a beautiful life together. And he's divorced. He's freshly divorced. I could be his controversially young girlfriend. I could do that. Because I...
I am willing to abandon my sense of self for Diego Luna, okay? I would give up anything for him. How old is he? 43? No problem. No sweat. Who is he dating now? Diego Luna dating. Yalitza Aparicio. She's beautiful. Fuck. I've got to split them up. Oh, Suki Waterhouse. When was this? Oh, 2017. Because she's dating Robert Pattinson now. Wow. Wow, dude. Oh, that's so upsetting.
If I looked like Suki Waterhouse, you bitches couldn't tell me anything. You bitches, you bitches, you would pay. You bitches would pay. If I looked like Suki Waterhouse, life would never be the same. Now, this one is kind of a curveball. And you can let me know if what you're thinking, Bryce Hall or Blake from The Bachelor, because I hate both of them.
I think Bryce Hall and Blake from The Bachelor are the definition of annoying average white men who have a God complex, who literally, they would give you fucking drama, okay? Because in the villa...
There's always has to be some couple or some guy that everyone is talking about and not for a good reason because it's drama. Okay. That's why. So that's why I would put Bryce Hall in there is because inevitably someone would be like, I don't know. He's not, I find him fit. Yeah, I do. I don't know. And they'd be like, all right, then go for it. Go for it. I don't know. Go, go chat to him. I'm going to go chat to him. And then they would. And then he would be a fucking dickhead. Yeah.
He would break someone's heart and then everyone would talk about it and they would pick the girl's side. Then all the guys would turn on Bryce or some of the guys would back him and there would be a war between the, Oh my God. Like it would just be drama. Like I really, really see that because me as the show runner, director, cast, uh, casting director and host and also a contestant, um, he has to be on the show. Okay. Next up is Lil Nas X. I think it'd be fun to have just a gay guy in there. Right. To just like, just kind of be there.
he's just kind of there and maybe we introduced another i always thought about that i was like because they should really start having like lesbians on love island but i was like that kind of sucks because it's not you know then you it's the whole conversation of like well is it predatory to have a shut up bitch lil nas x is on the show because it's my fucking show next would be uh jack harlow
But Jack Harlow, I would enter a stipulation into the show rules that Jack can't talk to anyone, go on a date with anyone, look at anyone unless it's me. So that would actually be written into the show is that he can't go on a date unless it's with me. Okay, so that's it for men. I'd like to move on to the women that I would like to see on the show. Number one, absolutely number one.
This is controversial, but I don't care because it's my show. And I would watch this show. Tana Mongeau. Tana Mongeau on Love Island, dude. She would give you television. Because that's all this is. It's television. It's the girls fighting.
It's the girls and the guys fighting. And that's all I want to see. Tana would fight with somebody. She would get drunk and she would, well, maybe not like Tana as of today, but like three years ago, Tana, holy shit. She would get into it. She'd be like, no, because I know you said that about me. And she'd have her vape in her hand. I would watch that television, bitch. That program. Next up, Maren Morris. Maren Morris, if she wasn't Maren Morris, like the absolutely lovely woman
kind-hearted, genuine country singer that she is. She looks like one of those girls that would be on Love Island. Like, really tiny and tan and just classically beautiful. Like, just really cute. She's a cute girl. She just gives Love Island vibes. I just really see her on the show. And she would be like, all the guys would fawn over her until the next girl comes in. The next girl, you know, whatever. Because I've always hated that about Love Island. It's like, it just shows how men...
are so not loyal and it's always the shiny new object that is solely based on looks. It's like you can, someone can have an incredible connection. Like there's banter, like he's got the chat, like they're getting on really well. And then it comes another bird in the villa and it's like, he said, he said, it's been turned. Do you know what I mean? Like,
His head's been turned and there's nothing you can do to like turn it back around. Do you know what I mean? So like, I don't know. It's really frustrating. That's how I feel, dude. It's like, I don't, I, cause in real life too, it's like, you're going to be so fucking happy in a relationship. And it's like, if a man sees a shiny new toy, he's going to play with a shiny new toy. So,
Yeah, Maren would be that girl, though. Like, all the guys would be like, I don't know, I really fancy Maren. I really fancy her. I just do, like, I don't know. And right now I'm coupled up with someone else, but, like, I don't know, I just really want to go, like, get to know her better, get to know her more, don't know. That's what it would be. Next up would be, okay, now, hear me out. Monet McMichael from TikTok.
Monet is such a girl's girl. Like that's one of my favorite parts of Love Island is when all the girls are in the bathroom together getting ready and they're all like talking shit and like being honest and, and, uh, like being angry. And then everyone, like they can do no wrong. Like it's never like,
I don't know, you know, maybe you're not looking at it from all sides. It's always like, no, fuck him, girl. Like, fuck him, girl. You're so right. I love that. I love that toxic support from your fellow women. I'm obsessed with it. And the glam room is so cute. How like all the little tables are in the middle and there's mirrors all around so you can see everyone and everyone's having fun. They're doing straightening their hair, putting in extensions. I love being a girl. I love being a girl. Oh, how I love being a woman.
um anyway Monet McMichael she would give us that like she would be like girl fuck him like no no you don't deserve that like you you deserve so much more than that like do you want me to step in like I'll go talk to him that would be Monet she's so fucking slay she would give us good tv like she would go talk to a man for you I'd be like why did you talk to my girl that way like that would be Monet I'm so I love her um next would be Amelia from Chicken Shop Date
Because obviously, because she's British. Like she should have already been on Love Island. Just because she's British and because she looks like that. She's literally that Love Island type of hot. And she would go on there and she'd be like really awkward and dry. And then the men would gag for it. The men would be obsessed with her. And all the other girls would be like, yeah, I don't know. I was just like going out and I like doing this and I'm whatever and I'm a model and I'm whatever. And Amelia would be like, hi. Yeah, you're right.
So what you do, like that would be Amelia. And I think they would really, really gag for it because they'd be like, she's so mysterious. I can't figure her out. When in reality, she's just so fucking awkward. Not Amelia in real life though. Amelia in real life is like very warm and personable. But the character she plays on Trigger Shop Date is very like, that's what I imagine her doing on the show. And I would love to see an interaction between Amelia and Bryce Hall and to be so like put off by him where he would try to like riz her up and he'd be like,
Yeah, so you're from England. She'd be like, yes, I am. That's it. And he like, I want, I want Amelia to make him feel so fucking stupid, dude. Like fucking idiot. Next up would be Becky G.
Becky G gives Love Island beauty as well. She's just like tiny and the most beautiful fucking person I've ever seen in my life. By the way, Becky G and Megan Thee Stallion are the most beautiful women I have ever, ever laid my eyes on. Every time a picture of Becky G comes across my feed, every time, every time a picture of Megan Thee Stallion comes across my feed, I'm like, holy shit. Holy shit. Sorry, that just left me speechless for a second.
Anyway, Becky G. I could see Becky G being on my version of Love Island and all the – she would get her heart broken though because she's too nice. That's the difference between like her and Amelia. Amelia would be really cold to all the men and they would see it as a challenge, which is fucking gross. And Becky would be like, yeah, I'm just like good time. Like I really, really like so-and-so. Like we're really getting on really well. And then he would leave her in a second for the next girl that walks through the door.
And she would be the one getting her heart broken. But I think she would turn around and win it all in the end because eventually a man's going to come in and they're going to like couple up and then it would be like, oh my God. So Becky G would have to be on there because she would give us good TV as well. And then finally, we're going to go for Doja Cat because Doja Cat, Doja Cat on Love Island would be, they would have to like stop production because she would do some shit or she would be doing bits and they'd be like,
You have to be serious for like a second, like during the recoupling or whatever. Like she'd be, I've got a text, but she'd be texting people. It'd be like pee pee fart, penis in my ass, penis in my dirty ass. Big fat penis in my dirty ass. Hashtag penis. Hashtag ass. Like that's what Doja Cat would do.
And she would couple up with people and they would be in love with her. They'd be like, I don't know, I just can't really get a reason on her. She's very weird. Like that's, and she doesn't give a fuck, dude. She would be there for a laugh. I don't know, I'm just having a laugh. Do you know what I mean?
She'd be like swimming in the pool. Oh my god, that drives me insane about Love Island too. Like no one ever fucking swims. You have a beautiful pool. You're in Spain. You're in Mallorca or Abafa or something like that. I don't know where they are. Mallorca, Marbella, Abafa, Verona, Verona Villa. I love Love Island. Anyway, they wouldn't know what the fuck to do with Doja Cat and I would pay money to watch Doja Cat on Love Island.
And then maybe she would go on a date and maybe like in her little confessional, she'd be like, I don't know. I think Dedede is really cute. Like she would actually end up having a crush on someone, but she would never act on it. And then he would go off with another girl, but she would give us good TV. Pretty much. Okay. So let me pair. Okay. So obviously the winners would be me and Logan Lerman. Obviously the winners would be Logan Lerman. And I, um, after I kick Jack Harlow out, like, okay, there's going to be a recoupling. Um,
And everyone's sitting around the fire, like we're sitting around the fire and we've got a text and it says, girls, it's now time to pick who you're recoupling with. The last man who's not picked is kicked off the island.
And guess what? I would pick Logan Lerman and Jack Harlow would be kicked off the island. And I think that he would be really mad at me because we did write in the stipulation that Jack Harlow isn't allowed to talk to other women, look at other women, even talk to the men because he's there for me only. And so when I inevitably, it's going to, the crowd's going to be like, Oh my God. Oh my days. Oh my.
Oh my days. That's what the crowd would say. Because when I go for Logan Lerman, because I'm like, I don't know, he's just got chat, doesn't he? Like, he's proper fit. It's just banter. Like, he's got the chat. I really like him. Like, we're really getting on. And then Logan would be in the confessional like, yeah, I don't know, it's really, you know, it's something so spiritual with Britney. Like, I don't know, I really, really like her.
Um, I could see us dating outside the villa, not in the real world. That's what Logan would say about me. And then he'd be like, and then he'd switch to American and he'd be like, but I don't know, we're filming the sequel for Percy Jackson and I don't know how I'm going to see her. I might have to take her to the set. That's what it would be. And then we get married at the end. I love Logan Lerman. Okay. So it'd be me and Logan Lerman. And then I think Aaron Taylor Johnson would end up dating Monet probably. Mm-hmm.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson would end up dating Monet or Becky G and they would date in the real world for like maybe eight months after the show ends and then they'd break up. And that would be really devastating. How many Love Island couples are still together? Okay, this sucks. I don't know any of these people because I stopped watching after season six, I think. Who won season six Love Island? Finn Tapp and Paige Turley.
Maybe I didn't watch season six. Who are these people? I don't know who these people are. Love Island season five. Oh, I watched this one. I don't know if I finished it though. Winners. Oh my God. I loved her. Molly May. And what was this fucker's name? Yeah. Cause oh my God. Okay. Yeah. I stopped watching season five because Molly May came out with her own line of self tan. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Why do British people tan like that?
They have to know that tan does not look natural. Why do they do that? Like, I truly, truly don't understand. Okay, speaking of Becky G, because I love Becky G. I'm in a Becky G phase right now. And I think what started it is, because I'm still in my Peso Pluma era, they have a song together, Becky G and Peso Pluma, called Chanel. And...
It's good. It's not my favorite song from Peso Pluma, but like, it's fine. I'll sing along to it. And I watched the video for it and I was like, and then they performed it at Coachella too. And I was like, again, maybe she's the most beautiful fucking person on the planet. And second of all, um, oh my God, wait, I have to show you. Look at her dude, this like blue. Okay. So she came out in this blue outfit.
this rhinestone bralette with this high like one of the thongs that come up on your hip and then she had these low-waisted jeans down under it and it's all blue and then she had this matching blue cowboy hat and then a matching blue rhinestone mic it was so gorgeous she is so beautiful and then she didn't have to change it and then oh my god she's so fucking beautiful this sequin halter dress she is so beautiful look
The blue boots. So I started listening to some of her music and it's fucking good. I like Becky G I'm like, oh my god, and she had these blue stripes in her hair She is so gorjean and people make fun of her who's really singing in the shop Sorry
She's gorgeous. This blouse is gorgeous. If my armpits look like that, you couldn't tell me anything. My armpits are like... My armpits are like... My armpits are like if you...
Okay, imagine a chalkboard, like a normal black-gray chalkboard, and you took an eraser filled with chalk and just slammed it against the chalkboard. That sort of white-gray texture, like the color and the sort of look, is exactly what my under armpit looks like when I have it shaved my armpits. If yours look like that too, you're cool. And if you have...
flesh-toned armpits, you're weird. Okay? Cool girls have armpits that look like elephant. Elephant feet. Elephant paws, if you will. If your armpits don't look like this, you're not fucking cool. Okay? If your armpits don't look like the ball sack of an elephant paw, the elephant's ball sack, the elephant's leg sack. That is so gross. I'm actually so sorry that I said that.
My feet are actually kind of cute. Like, what is that? Stupid little toes. Those are so cute. Why did that? Three big toes. Why do they have three big toenails? That is so silly. You can't even cut, you can't even trim them with like a little toenail clipper. They're too big. His toenails are too big. He's only got three of them. They're about, they're about big as a big toe. What are elephant toenails made of? Elephants toenails are made of keratin.
Same thing. Are fingernails made of? I'm just like an elephant for real. But instead of using an emery board like humans use, we use something a little stronger. An angle grinder. Hey, I got to use that on my bunions. I always wonder, like, you know, we groom animals in captivity. Not in captivity, I guess, in like conservatories.
Where if a species is almost going extinct and they put them in a conservatory to, like, get the population back up or if they're wounded or whatever. Like, when you groom them and feed them, whatever, like, they would have to survive in the wild. Like, they don't get groomed in the wild. So what naturally wears down? I guess the running and the, like, they probably do it themselves. Yeah.
Right? Like how is an elephant filing his fucking fingernails in the wild? I don't understand. Like what's the study of animals called? Agriculture. Not botany. Zoology. What is the study of animals? Zoology. Yes, dude. I am so fucking smart. What are the three types of zoology? I might know this actually. Micro, micro zoology, macro zoology, and mac and cheese zoology. Stupid.
Morphology, genomics, and ecology? I didn't know that. What the fuck is morphology? Morphology. The study of the forms of things. The branch of biology that deals with the form of living organisms and with relationships between their structures. I immediately just got bored. I'm not interested in that. Do you ever start thinking about something or start having a discussion about something with someone and you're like, oh, I don't care. Guys, actually, wait, everyone stop. I just remembered. I don't care.
I think Chris D'Elia had a bit about that one time. Hey, Chris D'Elia, RIP. Redacted Chris D'Elia. He had a bit one time that was like, I'm not in the business of arguing with you. Like if you, if I get the feeling that you're about to start arguing with me, I'll just agree with you. You know, like I'm not going to be the one to sit there and be like, well, actually. And he had this whole bit where someone, if someone's like, you know, the Raiders are the best team ever alive. He'd be like, yep, you're so right.
And then if someone else came in the conversation, they'd be like, actually, the da-da-da are the best. Chris would be like, yes, exactly. I was just about to say that. Like, I think that's so funny to just agree with everything everyone ever says, even if they contradict. Stupid. Sorry. Stupid bit. Not my bit. Also very problematic, man. Don't know why I brought him up. Stupid. All right, guys. That'll just about do it for me today. I am loving you.
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