65: Love Island & Michelangelo
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Okay, okay! Enough! Settle down. Settle down, I don't wanna hear it. Guys, seriously, can we get this meeting started already? Hey, one, two, three, eyes on me. Thank you. Silent Coyote. Y'all remember that one? Silent Coyote. I used to love that as a kid. Or how about Catch a Bubble?

You catch a bubble in your mouth? You have to get inventive to get kids to shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? Silent Coyote. Me like, "I want to be the first one to be Silent Coyote. This is my Silent Coyote. He's beautiful." He is a blue, blue coyote with a fluffy tail. He's been hit by multiple vehicles, but he has lived. He walks with a limp. He's missing teeth. But this is my Silent Coyote, okay? Because they silenced him. Okay, guys. Hello?

So much has fucking happened. So much has happened. Things are always happening, okay? In my life specifically, because that's all I can really talk about. Jesus Christ, a lot has happened. But here's something real quick that's real, real cute. Actually, I'll get into it. I'll get into it later, okay?

There's something on the forefront of my lobe, okay? My lobe is pulsing with this information that I have to get out to y'all. And albeit, I am late. I am late to this whole sort of debacle. But I feel the need to speak on it. I watched Love Island USA, okay? I don't really... I gave Love Island USA a chance like two, three years ago. And I was like, this bullshit sucks. Because nothing in my mind beats UK. Dude...

one of the guys who does my hair recommended that I watch it because I was like, I'm not watching that bullshit. And he was like, trust Diva, you will love. And I was like, okay, fine. And so I started watching it and oh,

God, I'm addicted. I'm addicted. I understand. Because here's the thing. All you Bravo girls, all the reality TV hoes, I understand that's just never been my universe. You know what I mean? I've been more so in like the House of the Dragon, Game of Thrones, Succession universe. That's what I'm like, ooh, TV. Okay? Love Island, it's on par. Love Island might as well be Succession season five. Okay? Season six.

That shit, oh my God, I just can't even. Maybe it's not that good and I'm just like, I love drama when it's not mine, you know what I mean? Here's what I wanna say. If you haven't watched it, you should start. But for all the people who have or who are familiar, I have some thoughts, okay? I'm gonna ruin it for the winners because, I mean, it's been out for a while. I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you who wins. Serena and Cordell win. I'm sessed.

with Serena. I'm obsessed with Serena in a way that's like, I have got, I have got to go to a concert with her now. I have got to have two glasses of wine on an empty stomach with Serena now. From when she walked into the villa, I was like, I know a Texan when I fucking see one. She looks like a time.

I love her. Because here's the thing, I see myself in Serena, which is the beautiful thing of shows like this, where it's like, oh, look at all these people coming on this dating show, right? It's a dating show. But no, you can see through to the heart of some people. Humans are very easy to read, I would say, for the most part. Serena is such a genuine person. And

When she had her little crash out, understood, right? Like, I would have reacted in the same way. And the person I was watching it with, we were talking about it because they were like, I think she acted out of pocket. Like, that is so, I don't understand. And I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? Because let me validate Serena really quick, okay? So essentially, let me give some context for people who don't watch Love Island.

There is the villa, okay? There's the main villa that people come into, that the islanders come into. There's like the main girls and the main guys. And throughout the season, they introduce bombshells, okay? So like when there's a recoupling, you have to couple up with someone if you want to stay into the end. And if you don't get picked or if someone kicks you out of a couple because there's a new bombshell coming in, it's drama, okay? Halfway through the season, there's something called Casa Amor. Casa Amor is a separate villa where the boys get sent off

Off to Casa Amor and five new women are introduced. Mind you, all of these men are in a couple, okay? So it really tests the relationships that are budding and forming. Also, I just had a cup of coffee and my doctor told me to start putting whole body collagen in that shit. I feel like my eyeballs are, they've been doing circles around this room, okay? I feel exhausted, but I also feel like,

Okay, so if you see me, I'm like, the sweat from my neck down is something crazy. Crazy work is happening under this table. Okay, so Casa Amor, that's how it works, okay? And while the boys are sent off to Casa Amor, the girls are left in the villa freaking the fuck out, right? They're like, is he gonna cheat? Is he gonna whatever? But it's not really cheating because they're not together, you know what I mean? Some of the couples got close to being like,

But, like, girl, you've known him for three weeks. What do you mean that's your boyfriend? Me. Literally me. Meanwhile, while the boys are off at Casa Mora doing whatever, the women are back in the villa, and five new men are introduced there as well, okay? So all the relationships are being tested. New connections are blossoming. But, you know, the OG girls are in the villa, and they don't want any of these new guys. The new guys suck. Like, they miss their OG men. So...

Serena is one of them from Houston, Texas. And I loved her from the jump. Her and this guy Cordell had coupled up, okay? And it's real cute. It's real, real cute. At this stage, it was so, so cute because...

They've kind of been, you know, it takes her a moment to be like, do I really like this person or do I just feel forced to couple up? Is there a real connection? Could I see this working on the outside? But the clips they would show of them, and I know obviously the show is so heavily edited, we don't get the true story. Everything's, you know, a construct, but...

They're so cute. They're so cute. The way they banter and they do little voices back and forth. And he makes her laugh. And he really likes her. And it takes her some time to come around to him. By the time Casa Mora comes around, she really likes him. Okay? Because it took her some time. She really likes him. Okay? He goes off, couples up with someone else. Oh!

Bitch couples up with someone else. Okay, I'm devastated We're obviously the viewer is watching this happen as Serena has no idea They get sent a video of Cordell Kissing another girl. Okay freak out crash out of the century Cordell comes back Brings the other girl with him to the villa. Oh my god when they're recoupling

They're like, Serena, are you coupling up with any of these new boys or are you waiting for Cordell? And she was like, I'm going to wait for Cordell. Because here's the thing. You're fucking humiliated if you stand there and you're like, yeah, I want to recouple up with them. I was thinking about them the whole time they were gone and I miss them and I really see a future. And then they bring back another person. Oh, oh, you've just disrespected my bloodline. You spat on my bloodline by bringing back another woman from Casa Amor. Okay. So.

Everyone recouples up. There's other drama, fucking whatever. Okay. I'm only really locked into Serena and Cordell. I only really give a fuck about them. He comes back. He feels bad. Okay. And here's the thing. I do believe to my core that men are stupid. Men are weak, spineless creatures. Does that mean that they are absent or lacking in affection and love? Maybe.

In the case of Cordell, I don't think so. Okay. Cordell really liked her. And this girl in Casa Amor came onto him hard. And again, when you're in Love Island, it's like we're not dating. Okay. In the real world, you'd probably be seeing other people as well and going on multiple dates with multiple people. But there's also this silent understanding of like, come home to me. You know what I mean? I am just like Serena where it's like,

I'm only entertaining one person and I love myself. Here's the thing. I love myself more than any man could ever love me. And

At any weight, at any job, at any point in my life, I have done so much work on myself. I love myself. I am my biggest advocate. And this has not always been the case. You have to work to get to that point, okay? And for me, that strength comes from a lot of the women in my life when you have a support system like that. So these islanders are separated from their support systems, okay? All they have is each other.

And they're all making kind of shit decisions sometimes. And so it's easy to feel very alone and feel very like, what the fuck am I doing? Who am I? Why did I let this happen? Serena's standing there at the fire pit. Cordell comes back with another woman. It's immediate. Like, fuck this. Fuck this, dude.

She gets so fucking mad. She's like, I don't want to talk to you. Like, fuck you. You made your decision. That is so hurtful. Like, wow. After that sort of thing. And as it continues to progress, you know, like this whole confrontation between her and Cordell, I'm watching it with my friend and they're like,

I don't understand why Serena would do that. Like, she's mean. You know what I mean? Like, I really lost a lot of respect for Serena when she did that. And I looked at him and I said, what?

Because what men don't understand is what I am now coining the lemonade effect, okay? It's the lemonade response. When something like that happens to you where your trust has been betrayed or when you have put all your eggs in one basket with this person and they have made it clear that they don't feel the same, it's the chronological order of how Beyonce structured lemonade, okay? It's anger. Actually, it's disbelief.

Then it's anger. Then it's apathy. Then it's sadness. Then it's resolution, okay? And that's the condensed version. But that journey that a lot of women go through, I've gone through it, and it's how I process things. She's processing it like grief, honestly. When you get cheated on or when someone dies or when anything in your life happens like that where you feel that you've lost something or that you have been disrespected, because that's all it is. It's disrespect, okay?

Let's call it what it is. When you've been disrespected in that way, the gut reaction at first is like, he wouldn't do that. Like, this is a joke. Like, come on. And then it's anger. How the fuck could you do that to me? After everything we built in here, after all the time, after everything that we talked about, and I told you my sister's name and where my mom is from and all this bullshit, you know all this shit about me. And you did that. You did that. Own it.

It's anger, okay? And there's this scene where all the girls are getting ready and Serena's at her little glam station. I love her. She's at her little glam station and I'm not saying that this is right, but I'm saying when I saw it, I was like, oh, yeah, I get that. Cordell tries to bring her and the new girl breakfast the next morning. Are you out of your motherfucking mind? Are you out of your motherfucking mind? Tries to bring both of them breakfast in the same room.

This is what I'm saying, men are stupid. Like the intention, I guess, was sweet, but girl, think about it for more than 15 seconds. How do you think that's gonna play out for you? If you know Serena as well as you say you know Serena, how the fuck do you think that's gonna play out for you? And so here he comes up the stairs holding these two breakfast plates.

gives one to Daya, the girl who he brought back from Kasa Mora, and one to Serena. Serena flipped that shit back in his face. She's, get the fuck out of here. Flipped it on his, it like went down his chest. It fell on the floor and everyone's like, Serena. And in my head, I'm like, I get it. I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying that that was the correct thing to do. It is rude. Okay. It was mean, but she, you know,

There probably was a more mature way to handle it, but bitch, I understand. I get it. I get it. Okay? Then after that, they argue. They talk. It's a bunch of conversations after that of like, you disrespected me in a way that I did not think you were capable of. And that fucking sucks. Because we have been through so much in this villa already. Okay? I'm locked into Love Island, bitch. Like, trust. Trust. Believe you me. Okay? Okay.

It's the anger. It's the initial anger where she's yelling at him on the dock. And then the next morning, that shit, she flipped that shit in his face. And it was like, you know, let him sit in this for a second. You have to really understand that you may have lost her. And I hope it was worth it. But in the end, after the anger comes some sadness and then acceptance. Okay. And then resolution. So they end up working through it.

because there's really no one else in the villa. I mean, even when he brought that girl back, he was like, I was thinking about Serena the whole time. Okay, does that matter? No, because you still brought her back. So why did you bring her back? You didn't have to do that. If you were thinking about Serena the whole time, come back alone. You know what I mean? So I'm watching this whole Serena Cordell thing play out, and I'm like, I think I'm more like Serena than I realized, right?

Because I watched her whole process of that happening, her processing it, A, alone, and then, like, in the confessionals, and then, B, with the girls. And, you know, just, I just love girls. Like, just the support from your friends through anything. You know, like, I support a women's rights and wrongs, that sort of thing, where, of course, they're there for her.

Even when she acted out, even with whatever. It's like, I completely understand. And it was a, it's such good television. Sorry. Because I've had friends who've gone through something like that. I've gone through something like that. And it's like, there's no correct way to handle it. Because you're hurt. And hurt people lash out. And fuck you for bringing two breakfast plates to two of them. Anyway, they worked it out. They ended up winning. Period.

They ended up winning, of course, because they're really sweet for each other and they have fun together. And he makes her laugh. She's got the cutest little laugh. And they met each other's families and they're just giddy. So here's the thing. If this were my friend, if Serena were my friend in real life, I probably would have told her, don't take him back. Right? Like, don't take him back.

But in this scenario, because it's not real life, it's Love Island, we saw everything. You know, like, okay. Okay, yeah, I take it back. That's fine. I was just, I just love her to pieces because I see myself in her a lot and, and,

It's so human, the way that she reacted. It wasn't for a TV show, you know what I mean? These are real people with real emotions and real lives. And yes, they auditioned for the show, but it's to find love. It's to find love, and then she found love. I love Serena. Okay, anyway, we'll move on. I have a confession that I don't really know what this says about me, what to do with it, but I just need to sort of get it off my chest. I am addicted.

I'm addicted to Leah. I don't know why. I don't agree with a lot of the shit she did on the show. I think she loves a toxic man, but I'm addicted to her. I, after I finished Love Island and I watched the reunion, fucking tea, by the way, holy shit, we'll get into all that in a second. And I'll explain it for all the people who haven't watched it because it's motherfucking tea, bitch. When Leah was on the reunion, there's this unspoken hierarchy, I guess,

of the OG girls who entered the villa versus like the people who they introduced after the fact. And again, that's not the later girls' fault that like they didn't get as much screen time or, you know, we don't know that much about them, so we don't like them as much. Not that we dislike them. It's just that I don't really, I didn't get to see a lot of you. So of course I'm going to be more emotionally attached to like Leah and Serena and Janae and Nicole. But I just think that

Leah just gives good TV, first of all, because I've had friends like Leah in the past, and there's always something happening. There's always something happening in those girls' lives. And it's fun, you know, to be around sometimes, but it gets exhausting. And then you start to realize, like, oh, they kind of like it. And for me personally, I'm too...

I'm too emotional. Like, I can't deal with that, truly. Like, I can't deal with it. But Leah and Miguel, I think, are good for each other. Miguel, like, worships the ground that she walks on, which is how it should be. And they're together all the time. So, hold on, okay? In the villa, Leah recoupled with, like, what, four different, five different people? Yeah.

Because she's obviously so gorgeous. She's so likable. She's so just like girl's girl. Like, I don't know. I love her. In the end, she ended up with Miguel. They're still together outside of the villa for shits and gigs. I followed her on Instagram. Okay. And then I was like, oh, she's posting vlogs. So I go on TikTok.

I watched her entire account from top to bottom. It took me like four hours. I'm addicted to her. I'm addicted to Leah. I literally want to buy her merch. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to buy Leah's merch. Okay? And I'm going to wear it out. People are going to be like, is that Leah from Love Island? Yep. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I'm addicted to her. And her and Serena and Janae are all best friends. Duh. Okay? Okay.

Leah, I don't know what it is. I honestly was sort of consulting y'all to try to explain, like, why is it that I'm addicted to her? Why do I love her so much? I think about her throughout the day. I think I'm just intrigued. Like, it's just pretty girl stuff, you know? Like, I think she's very sweet and, like, can be funny and is just so likable. I'm just addicted. I don't know. I think I need to get drunk with her, too. So I've been addicted to her, um...

Yeah, I'm in a trance. I don't know. Girl, Aaron and Kayla. So Aaron and Kayla on the show were like the season's mom and dad. You know what I mean? There's always that couple in these sort of shows where it's like they've been together from the beginning. They just knew they were made for each other. And like they're probably going to get married in the outside world. It was just like truly this show is so beautiful. Like that sort of shit. Love.

Oh my days, oh my days. When I say like toxic gossip train. When I say toxic. And here's another thing I'm gonna say, okay? So in the whole time they're in the villa, right?

Kayla and Aaron, Kayla and Aaron, everyone's like, oh, they're as solid as anything. Like, they're in love. Like, he asked her to be his girlfriend, whatever. Cheated on her at Kossum or bad, okay? Like, fingered another girl. Okay? All this comes out in the reunion, by the way.

They go through it in the villa, like, break up, back together, break up. I can't stand him out of you, like, toxic. Like, he is a toxic manipulator. And I will say this, Kayler separated from her support system, right? These men, and she said this in the reunion, and I was like, period, bitch, you better say that. She was separated from her support system. Those sort of men will...

smell weakness in a woman like that and just beat her down, beat her down. And this is verbatim. It's her words from the reunion and she was so on the money. Just beat her down, beat her down so that she takes him back every time. No matter what he does, she will take him back because he love bombs her, because he'll fuck up and then ask her to be his girlfriend. He'll fuck up and then plan some sweet surprise. He'll fuck up or he'll say something fucked up and then do something sweet for her. It's like,

This weird pain reward system. And it's almost like a Pavlovian response where you are constantly in this state of like, okay, well, I know he loves me because he tells me he loves me. And look, he like planned this date night. But then he said this fucked up shit or he yelled at me or he stormed off the set, which he did at one point because everyone was ganging up on him because he's a shithead. Okay. And then you take him back.

And it's also like, here are these women in the villa that, yes, they're your friends, but they don't know you. They don't really know you the way that your friends and family from back home do. So you're weak in there. You are at a weakened state. They didn't even make the top four because people saw through the toxicity and they saw through the like,

Oh, I just love him. And I love you. We said the L word and he, he planned a date with so-and-so's help. And it's like, girl, who gives a fuck if all we're seeing is you crying in every confessional, he's not good for you. I just wanted to hug her at some point. She cried so damn much on that show. I was like, mama, stand up, get up, tell him to fuck off.

Truly, it's so hard when you are unplugged from the people who help you find your self-advocacy. It is so hard. And those people, like Erin, prey on that. They prey on women like that. And it's awful. And I just, you know...

I think he has probably done some reflecting in the reunion. He was tail between his legs, okay? I know he's been getting shit online. And that's the risk you run when you audition and get cast on a show like this. It's like, none of this is private, okay? Even the shit that happens after your time in the villa is like, girl, it's up for debate because...

your relationship is now public discourse. And if that's okay with you, then, you know, you have to be okay with... If all the opportunities that come from being on a show like that are appealing to you, then you have to be willing to deal with the negative as well. And if that means you were a shithead on the show to multiple women, you're going to get flack for it online afterwards. So I think that he is definitely allowed to repent and he's allowed to be like, you know...

I probably should have done that. Who's to say he won't do it again to another woman though? But here's the thing. In the reunion, Kayla sat there and she was like, you beat me down. You beat me down. You lied to me. Okay. I'm sick of this. I'm over it. I have no tears left to cry. We're done. It was three weeks since the fucking villa, since they'd left the villa. Not even a month. And y'all had broken up and that, she was supposed to fly to the UK to go meet his family. Oh,

Crazy, crazy. Reality TV is back, bitch, it's back. I don't know if it ever went away. This episode is sponsored by Blissy. Y'all know I've been sleeping on Blissy pillowcases for about two years now, and it really is life-changing. So it's your turn. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy's award-winning 100% Mulberry Silk pillowcases. If you haven't used silk,

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Some people it comes more naturally to and some people you have to work it out like a muscle and it is possible and it has everything to do with who you surround yourself with. Okay.

And this is the sort of segment of every show where I'm going to shout out Drew F. Wallow because that's my fucking bitch and that's my sister. And she, for me and for so many women and femmes, have been that because she comes. And so this is what I want to talk about. Here's what people like Drew and a lot of my other woman friends have opened my eyes to is, and this is a simple concept, but it's hard in practice. If what you're going through was happening to your friend,

and your friend came to you and asked for advice, what would you tell them to do? You know? Would you tell your friend to stay with someone who doesn't make them happy or doesn't fulfill their needs or stay with someone who they have a toxic past with? Would you tell them to stick around?

And if the answer is no, why would you give yourself any different advice? Why would you tell your friend to stay in a situation that does not serve them, that is not allowing them to flower, that is not allowing them to blossom into the fully realized woman that they could be? Why would you not give yourself the same care and love? And so, you know, being friends with Drew and my friend Katie and a lot of people like this in my life, it's like,

It suddenly becomes so clear to me. This is also a practice in people who really struggle with anxiety is you get so deep in your own head. For 15 minutes, pick one person and think about them.

Think about them and their lives and what they want and what they're probably doing and their favorite things and their family. It pulls you out of your head and it grounds you, puts your feet on the ground because we are so navel-gazing as creatures, as human beings. We are navel-gazing creatures. We think it's all about us all the time and the fucking universe revolves around us. And that is also an American individualism thing, okay? It's a very American experience, right?

And oh my God, it's just a spiral. And so that's related to what I'm saying, of course, of like, think about yourself as someone's friend. And would you want that to happen to someone's friend, to your friend? No, God, no. So why are you letting it happen? So.

Back to Love Island. That was, it's just, it was, oh my God, it was so, it's entertaining, but it's also interesting to talk about because these are real people. Okay, moving on. I think Connor was too normal for the show. Let me just say that. I think he was too normal. Again, he might be a fucking freak weirdo, so I'm not going to sit up here and defend him, but him trying to talk to these women or just anyone, any of the dudes too, they're all stupid. I was like,

Connor is too, like, why are you on this show, dude? Why? Okay, next. This isn't really that funny, but I want to talk about it because it's very interesting to me. And on a podcast like this, you know, you have to realize that you're sort of in the cultural zeitgeist. And so I want to talk about this because I find it interesting and important. And I want to sort of open an eye in the general populace to this concept. If you, I know a lot, the majority of my followers are very, very intelligent people. Okay? Okay.

On the other hand, there are some that are so chronically online, it literally could be diagnosed as an illness. And something like this is very important. I feel that it's very important to talk about if you've never thought about this in this way. Because it feels very, to me, this feels very like, duh. But let's talk about it. I want to talk about this TikTok by this creator, arca.so. It's called You're Lonely Because You're Overconnected.

And she's referencing an article from a sub stack by Sherry Ning, wherein she says, social media has transformed us into each other's supervisors. We post like we know we're being watched. Many of us don't have friends anymore. We have followers. We don't deeply care about each other's lives. We consume them as content. We're in constant contact with people, but to what end? They're not meaningful connections.

Don't let social comparison let you lose sight of what you care about. Don't let social media blur your sense of what matters to you. How would we express ourselves online if we didn't consider the audience? So to me, this is very, you are your own voyeur.

sort of thing, which is, is that Virginia Woolf? You have to look at yourself through the lens of, that one in particular is you have to look at yourself through the lens of men. You know, you are your own voyeur. We watch ourselves through the eyes of men. Are we pretty in how we're doing this? You know, are we poised? Is our posture straight? Are our legs crossed? All of these things, it's like we're looking at ourselves through a fucking security camera lens all the time. That's that. This is something a bit different.

when it comes to digital voyeurism, you know, self-voyeurism, auto-voyeurism. I think all of these are incredible points. You know, we talk a lot about this loss of a third space where people can come to connect, where community can be built that isn't a church, okay?

We talk a lot about the loss of identity in favor of trends. You know, there's this joke online of the micro-trend final boss, and it's someone with the shirt with the bows on it and the weird wavy checkerboard from 2020 and all these weird shirts.

short-lived, fashion nova, fast fashion trends that just are cyclical and they're, as soon as they're in, they're out. And here's something else. Here's blueberry milk nails and fucking coffee makeup. Shut up, okay? I don't give a fuck what, what do you like, okay? My question for all of you today is what do you like? And if you don't know how to answer that question, I recommend you take a break from social media for a while.

delete the Instagram app off your home screen, okay? Maybe take a week break off of TikTok. And I want you to sit with yourself and I want you to think, who am I and what do I like? Who am I might be too daunting of a question. Throw that one out. What do I like? When I was little,

What did I gravitate towards? What did I play with? What were some of my favorite toys? What were some of my favorite movies? My favorite TV shows? Who did I like in those TV shows? Who are my favorite crushes? You know, what did me and my friends talk about? And how has that evolved into who you are as an adult?

Can you carry some of those things with you? I used to love doing arts and crafts with my Nana as a kid. I'm 27. I recently just bought fucking air dry clay and I've been making clay figurines and it brings me so much joy. There are positive things 100% to come from TikTok and social media.

For example, the air dry clay stuff came, a lot of that inspiration for me came from TikTok because it started coming across my feed and I was like, I used to love stuff like this and I just don't make time for it. And instead, I make time to sit on the couch or lay in bed in the dark and scroll TikTok for five hours, genuinely, at least five hours.

That is so much of my day gone. When I could be creating art, I could be talking to friends. I could be calling my grandma. It's things that like I am at a point in my life where I am trying to let go of things that do not serve me. Actually, I'm going to cry and that's okay. And actually, I'm going to cry and my eyes are burning and that's okay. Going to let go of things that don't serve me.

and letting go of some of that stuff, I'm gonna leave claw marks on it because I love some of that stuff and I love some of those people. But those people and those things are not good for me and that's okay. At time you can be sad but you can also think to the future and who am I gonna be in six months after I've let this thing go and that's so exciting and it's so beautiful.

that I am constantly meeting new versions of me. And I don't know who I'm going to be in six months, but I know I'm going to like her. And I know that who I am right now will always be a part of who I will be. And it's very exciting. And so I just, it makes me really sad to think that we're all a part of this culture that's just, it's addiction. I'm addicted to my phone. I'm doing, I'm not joking.

15 hour days on screen time. 15 hours on my phone. That is a clinical addiction to my iPhone.

And it doesn't feel good. And it hurts my eyes. I literally turned on that accessibility thing that's like when your phone is too close, it literally tells you to back the fuck up because it's hurting your eyes. Like this has infiltrated every single thought I have. I don't know who I am without this fucking phone. And it's a horrible feeling. And as I just did that, look, my fucking mic is on and it's tracking everything I say. All that to say,

This is a practice in self-reflection and hanging out with yourself. And I know that's scary for some people. We are bred and conditioned to not like ourselves and to want to change ourselves. And there's so many things that I could touch on. There's so many sub-points, bullet points of...

The way that we change our bodies and the way that we change our speech patterns and the way that we change our aesthetics and the way that we are around people because this is what the internet tells us to do. This is what social pressure and socialization urges us to do. And it's not necessary because who loses in that process? You. Who do you lose in that process? Yourself. And who's gaining something in that process?

mediocre men, shitty friends. This is what Drew always says. If being the cool girl means having to lose yourself to impress the most mid guy in the room, fuck being cool and fuck being chill. That is directly from Drew's book, which you should go listen to. And it's like, if you've never thought about this in a really literal way, that we are acting. You know, we are acting out the version of ourselves in here.

And if you deeply dislike the version of yourself in here, who are you trying to impress? And that is a fruitless endeavor. If you are performing the ritual of yourself for people that don't give a fuck about you or men that only want to use you as a sex object, you are the only loser in that situation. So get up! Stand up! Fuck!

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Offer ends November 5th. Promotions may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Your homework for tonight is to do some reflection. Who am I to my core? What do I love? And what have I let go to be this watered down version of myself? This is why I think a lot of young women specifically,

young women and femmes and all my gays out there are sort of attracted to what I've built here because I am out loud living and loving the things that 14-year-old me loved. And I do it out loud. And I think that

That is an encouragement for a lot of young people and, you know, millennials, older millennials. I mean, if you're I've got followers well into their late 30s and I get really cute messages sometimes of like, I forgot I used to love this. And like the way that you love things makes me want to love this shit, too. And I don't care if it's cringe or I don't care if I get made fun of or whatever. I like this thing.

And that's a beautiful thing because life is too short to water yourself down and dilute yourself to appease people. I don't give a fuck. So that's your homework is to really sit with yourself. I want you to have a conversation with 14, 15-year-old you or even 8-year-old you. What are they doing? What are they enjoying? What are they listening to? What are they watching? What are they playing with?

And how can you honor that past version of yourself as you are right now? And I know that's hard, you know, if you live, if you work all the time or if you work a shit job, if you're miserable at your job, been there, trust. Where it feels like you don't really have time to do those things that you love. You can find time.

trust all the time that you spend on your phone or on TikTok or comparing yourself to other people or trying to change things about your appearance. Can I, I just can't even, it's a rabbit hole, honestly, of all the things I want to say about how little appearance matters truly, how, how little appearance matters in the real world, because people who are impressed with

by those sort of things, are those really people that you want to keep around you who don't see you for your soul and your heart? They see you as someone who needs lip filler or needs cheek filler or has too much filler. You know, it's like these things are so, who cares? Who cares? And I know that that is, it's hard.

To unlearn that, you know, that I need to change myself. I need to change how I look and then the world will treat me better because there is truth to that. The world does treat you a certain way depending on how you look. And that's an, it is a,

A shitty reality. One second, I think it's raining and I have to go look because I like the rain. This episode is sponsored by Factor! Warmer, sunnier days are calling. Fuel up for them with Factor's no-prep, no-mess meals. Meet your wellness goals in time for summer thanks to the menu of chef-crafted meals with options like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, and Keto. Factor's fresh, never-frozen meals are dietitian approved and ready to eat in just two minutes.

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Head to factormeals.com slash broski50 and use code broski50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. That's code broski50 at factormeals.com slash broski50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active. Okay, it's not raining. It's sunny in 70. It was just bugs hitting the window. Ew, by the way. Anyway, yeah, I want you guys to do some...

Do some self-love practice tonight because life is too short and I'll be damned if I let anyone rob that happiness from me. So I'm trying to decrease my screen time and I'm trying to give that time to myself and to people that I want to spend time with. And here's the flip side of that too, is the more time that you work on being a good friend to yourself, you can be a great friend to others.

I have such great, rich, beautiful friendships in my life. And sometimes I beat myself up because I don't think I'm as good of a friend to those people. But life ebbs and flows. You know, those periods ebb and flow where you might need a little bit more love and a little bit more attention. And then when your friend does, you will be there for them. You know, and some people...

are stronger than others. They can handle things that other people can't, but that's the beauty of friendships, you know, is that you're good for each other. You're good for each other. And you can, even if it's not advice, even if it's not helping them solve their problem, you can be there for them by just being there, you know, and you can't be there if you're on your fucking phone or if you're canceling hangouts because your phone made you feel sad.

It's just shit. I mean, we are destined for so much more. We have so much potential. But if you don't act on it and if you don't fully realize who you are by the end of your life, that's all that it is. It's just potential and it's wasted potential. Okay, that was heavy. Shout out to that creator, though, and the author of that sub stack because that shit changed my life for real.

I mean, these are things that I've thought about, obviously, but to have them condensed into an article is great. You know, it really is. It paves the way for self-reflection. That to be cringe is to be free. That's basically what I'm saying. Okay, and I have one more thing, actually two more things that I want to touch on. Thanks for letting me cry. That I want to touch on before we wrap up. And one of those things is in this vein of

Doing things that I like and honoring things I like, which one could argue that's all this podcast is. It's just talking about what I love and what I like to do. But I still get those pressures, you know, of like, you should care about this. You should talk about this. Bitch, that's the biggest fucking thing is in the comments. You say, why isn't she talking about? Where are you going to address? How about I don't want to? How about I don't want to? You know what I mean? How about this is what I want to talk about.

I've been watching a lot of art history documentaries, which of course I've always had a blanket interest in art history, but dude, in recent times, it's just like, I, again, my time and attention has been stolen by a lot of different things. And it's not that I regret giving my time and attention away, but I'm glad to have it back now, if that makes sense. And, um,

Everything I just said, I have been practicing, you know, in the comfort of my own home. And it's been emotional and it's been challenging, but it's been heartwarming. And it's been really lovely to spend that quality time with myself. And one of the things that I realized recently is being productive makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel really good. And I need to be productive to feel accomplished and successful.

I think maybe that's I'm a Taurus. Maybe that's, what am I? I'm an ENFJ. All these things point towards I've been denying those parts of myself and, you know, I'm realizing that that shit does not serve me. So I need to feel productive to feel good. And I also need to feel smart to

And the intersection of feeling productive and smart is learning and quizzing myself. And the best way to learn is to teach. So I've been watching a lot of art history documentaries specifically about Michelangelo, okay? Michelangelo, not Michelangelo, okay? That's going to be the American pronunciation. Michelangelo. We're not doing that. He's Italian.

Michelangelo was born, I want to say 1478, around then. 1478. We're still talking about Brau, okay? Michelangelo is arguably one of the most important artists to ever live. And his impact on the art world and on the world in general is, it will stand the test of time and it's important to study it. And here's what I want to say about Michelangelo, okay? We throw around the word genius.

a lot. I think we have bastardized what a true genius represents. To be the best at your craft to the point where you are recognized by the Pope, okay, is something to be said. Michelangelo's life, he lived a full life. I think he died at like 90. He lived to be 90, which is crazy during the Renaissance because they were shitting in the street.

It truly, like, I can't overstate enough how world-changing his art and his life were on culture and on history. A lot of you know that Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling, as well as the altarpiece called The Last Judgment. Okay, let's pull those up. This is the Sistine Chapel ceiling. I visited this when I was 18 years old, and I damn near fell to my knees.

I've always loved art history. I've been sort of on and off studying art history since I was 15. And this truly, to me, represents the pinnacle of what it is to be an artist, to be like artist with a capital A. He was commissioned to do this. Michelangelo was a sculptor, by the way. He was not a painter. He was not a muralist. He was not a fresco artist.

He was a sculptor. The Pope himself commissioned Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling, scaffolding up to the, I mean, think about that. Really take a second to think about this. Do you know how fucking high these ceilings are? To build scaffolding that high, to lay on your back by candlelight and paint this, the entirety of the ceiling and some of the walls and the altarpiece. Let's look up how big the Last Judgment is.

The painting covers almost 2,000 square feet and features 400 distinct characters, 13.7 meters tall by 12 meters wide. That is crazy. Like, we don't, this shit just exists, and we don't, I mean, people marvel at it, but, like, we don't marvel at it the way that we should. I just feel like

I'm screaming from the rooftops for younger generations to give a fuck about art in this way. Like, this was life-changing. This tells a series of biblical stories, okay? From the creation of Adam to the crucifixion of Jesus to the last judgment, which is, you know, Judgment Day. This was his magnum opus, you know, you could argue.

And compared to one of the first very famous, notable genius works that he did called the Pieta, okay, when the Pieta is the scene of Mother Mary holding Jesus's dead body after it's been removed from the cross.

This is done in marble. And around this time, oh my God, I could talk about this for hours. Marble quarries back during the Renaissance were these giant marble deposits in mountains and in the sides of hills that they would cut with different tools and whatever, and they would need to be

fully intact. There couldn't be breaks or tears or cracks in them. They need to be solid chunks of marble. And sometimes in marble, there'll be those little like air pockets. Can't have that. It has to be the perfect chunk of marble. They would cut these and transport them by ox, by ox into the city. The marble, these are tons, hundreds of tons worth of marble that these artists would bring into the studio.

and sculpt. And you have to practice before you do something as revolutionary as the Pietà. The Pietà, which I will pull up, it shows a mastery of the human form. Around this time, we're transitioning from the Middle Ages, from medieval times, where it's very, very religious. The society is very religious. Every piece of art honors God.

Around this time that we're transitioning from the Middle Ages into the Renaissance, there is a movement called humanism where we're focusing more on humanist qualities, you know, like the material nature of mankind, that we are physical beings, that there are things to marvel at and revel at in our grasp that don't just honor God. Okay. So around this time, there's this new interest in anatomy and correctly portraying anatomy because in the past it's been

you know, idealized versions of 2D paintings of Jesus. Let me show you. This sort of stuff is what we're looking at, okay? Very 2D paintings that represent biblical stories. They represent biblical figures and they were displayed in churches, but they weren't things to gawk at and marvel at. It was more so because the public couldn't read.

A lot of it with murals and with stained glass as well told biblical stories because the population of a lot of these towns were illiterate.

They couldn't read, so they relied on their worldview and their understanding of religion to come from the monks. That's why monks were the ones that transcribed the biblical texts or religious texts, and they were housed within the monastery. These were not really available until we start getting into the printing press and things like that, where people could have a copy of the Bible in their homes. Before then, you had to go to church to get the word. So the Pieta.

Around this time, this is the intersection of like humanism and the Renaissance and relieving these medieval values in the past. And here is a marvel of understanding, an academic understanding of anatomy. And unfortunately, a sort of weird grotesque fact of all this is that to properly understand how the human body should be portrayed in these sort of figures, the church heavily condemned studying dead bodies.

So artists in the night will go dig up bodies from the graveyard and take them to their studio, dissect them, do a lot of drawings. This is why we see a lot of da Vinci sketches are of male nudes. He was also gay, but that goes without saying. They were of male nudes and they were of muscle, musculature. Musculature? That's not a word, surely. Musculature.

Musculature, yes. Musculature is used to refer to all the muscles in your body or to a system of muscles that you use to perform a particular type of action. Da Vinci sketches muscles, anatomy. I'm sure you've all seen the Vitruvian Man. This is a very famous one. These are his studies in anatomy. And you have to do this. Here's more.

of how skin stretches across muscles on different body types. The really muscled figures are going to look differently than the soft picture of what Mother Mary should be represented as, you know, this soft feminine form that won't have rippling muscles.

This also, this is my question too, that when I'm watching these documentaries and I'm taking notes on what I find interesting, I have questions. And I almost wish, we talk about this a lot, I miss school. I wish I could ask questions. This mastery of anatomy compared to Greco-Roman statues,

I think, because my question is, what's the difference? Because it feels like we already had a mastery of anatomy and then we lost it, returned to the dark ages, and then here's the renaissance, which means rebirth, okay?

That to me feels like an idealized version of the human form. When we're sculpting gods and goddesses, this is what they should look like. You know what I mean? Not so much what the average body would look like. So here we see a difference in how he's sculpting Jesus's veins and his arms and his

the outline of his abdomen and his rib cage and the angle of his jaw, all of these are such attention to perfect detail. This is the only work that Michelangelo ever signed. He signed it right across the little sash that Mary's wearing because after this, he didn't need to. After this piece of work,

His touch was clear. He didn't have to write his name on the pieces of marble that he worked on. It was evident. So we go from the Pietà to, of course, the Statue of David. That's a Michelangelo. Where that was such a feat because for so many different reasons, I feel like we're sort of blinded by...

how much we've seen these figures in pop culture. The Statue of David is so iconic in so many different ways. And it's been referenced in a bunch of different movies. And it's just one of those things. It's like the Mona Lisa, where this is one of the most famous pieces of art ever to be made. But we don't think about it actually, of why did he pick David from the story of David and Goliath to portray? Why are...

the proportions kind of off if you look at his eyes they're hearts he actually sculpted little hearts into the pupils of the statue of david and this to me when you get down to the nitty-gritty also when you look at his hair up here the hair that sits on his forehead this is marble by the way

the hair that sits on his forehead, he knew that this statue, seven feet tall, was going to be looked at from below, naturally. And it's up on a pedestal as well. There are little pockets that he left to sort of emulate the darkness, the shadow of when curly hair sits on the forehead. You know, there's space in there, but you can't make him look bald and you can't give him too much going on in the forehead. It's just so expertly done. I can't,

Like, I find it hard to articulate how important these works are. That it's 2024 and we're still marveling at how impressive this is. Okay? So we have the Pietà, we have the Michelangelo, we have the David, excuse me. And then towards the end of his life, we have Sistine Chapel. And then we have The Last Judgment. The Sistine Chapel took four years to complete, which, yeah, by the way, he had...

which they don't really say this a lot. He had upwards of about 13 assistants help him with this. But those were all just, you know, go get me new candles and help me mix this paint. It wasn't the actual process of painting that we know of. The actual, you know, paint onto the ceiling, onto the wall was him. And this was done with egg tempura. And it was actually pretty sad when he first started painting this. He painted it

I'm not sure with what material, but the conditions in the room and the materials that he used and the speed at which he was going, it started to mold. And because the paint molded, he had to scrape it off and start again. Devastated. Devastated. You know how fucking hard that is to get up there and do that? And then it molds. But this is the thing, too. When I was watching this documentary, and I had heard that before, I was like,

You know, when anyone, if anyone has sat down to ever do a craft or paint something or draw something or work on something creative that in the end, you know that there is that innate desire to create something perfect knowing that it is impossible. It is impossible to create a perfect work of art.

In the artist's eye, there will always be something because our taste levels outmatch our capabilities. I think that's the case for every artist. As you progress in your artistry, your taste level will always be one step ahead. And you just keep getting better and better and better. And to the average eye, it's holy shit. But to the artist's eye, it's nah, I could have done that a little better. I could have fixed that. I wish I didn't do that. You know what I mean?

And so when I look at something like this, I'm like, I'm sure he finished this and was like, I'm just ready to get this fucking done with, even though he was a perfectionist. So what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, he had to scrape it off because he fucked up. And if you're going to do it right, you got to do it. Actually, what's that saying? My brain just stopped. My brain just fully shut off. That noise when something powers down. That's what my brain just did.

It took him four years to finish the Sistine Chapel ceiling. The last judgment, which is the piece on the far wall, this is the last judgment. This is Michelangelo's interpretation of what will happen on Judgment Day, which Judgment Day is when Jesus will come back and decide everyone's fate. It's the rapture. It's if you have given your life to Christ, you go to heaven. If you haven't, you go to hell. Okay, what a simple concept, right?

but not so simple in execution. Got a lot of qualms with this as well, but we can talk about that on a different episode. What I like about this painting, amongst a lot of things, is that, and I heard an art historian describe this, and I was like, that is such a good take. There's no clear instruction in this, in these people were good, right?

They go to heaven. These people were bad. They go to hell. If only it were that easy. If only it were, if human nature could be simplified as such. It's unclear in this painting why and who goes to heaven up top and who is cast down to the bottom. It could be a saint. It could be a sinner. Okay.

It could be you. It could be your neighbor. You have no idea because ultimately it's not up to us. We think that we've taken redemption and salvation into our own hands and we've come up with the equation for salvation. We haven't. We don't fucking know. Religion is man-made. And religion, as it pertains to this period, I mean, we're talking about, what was that called? Penance? Penance.

Penance or tithing, not tithing. There was a word for it where if you sinned, you could just pay the church to absolve you of your sins and you'd be fine. All you got to do to go to heaven is be rich, okay? Because the church needed money. The church was the end-all be-all of a government. It was a theocracy around this time. And so it's scary to think about what did these people believe and how...

incorrect was it or how off the mark was it? So I find this painting very interesting because it's not clear who goes where and why. Here we have God in the middle and we have around 400 figures surrounding him. And down here gets real scary. Okay, here's the river of souls. There's the river of the damned. We've got some demons. And interestingly enough, right here, I think,

I forget where exactly. Essentially, right in front of where the pope or the priest would stand, it was this really gruesome depiction of hell. And Michelangelo, of course, did this on purpose to sort of prove a point that even these righteous figures who are telling us how to live and how to live in a way that honors God, they're human at the end of the day. They're mortal.

Just because you're the Pope doesn't absolve you of anything. You know, we don't know how this shit works. We have an idea, but we don't know. So down here in the bottom right is really terrifying depictions of, you know, serpents and demons and being cast down this river of hell with a demon, you know, paddling the boat and just very frightening. And then up top, if we move a little bit up right here,

This is the famous one that everyone, if you've ever studied art history, everyone knows this. That Michelangelo painted himself into The Last Judgment in this skin suit right here. And I don't really know. I mean, we could write a whole thesis, a whole essay on what this could possibly mean. It's been done. It's interesting to research. I don't really have an answer, but very interesting to immortalize yourself in that way.

Again, I just don't want to understate how massive this painting is. It is the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's huge. This is a marvel. So that's the last judgment. Michelangelo was a very tortured soul. We assume, based on letters and records and biographies that have been done of him, that he was, of course, a closeted gay man.

I believe he married a woman at one point, but he got into a fistfight with someone in a studio when he was a young boy. I want to say like 14 and it disfigured his face. I think it broke his nose and he forever from that point on considered himself ugly. And he put that sort of beauty that he was missing into his art. All of his energy, all of his focus went into his art.

And he was world renowned. He was one of the Medici's favorite commissioners, commission, commissionees, one of one of the Medici's favorite artists, the Medici family.

was a very famous, rich patronage. They were patrons of the arts. And a lot of the art we have from this period was commissioned by the Medici family. So we have them to thank. Now, were they ruthless and cruel and all of it? Yes. Yes, they were. But goddamn, they loved the arts. And they ended up being murdered. It's actually tea. The Medici family's tea. But to this day, the way that they conserve art

and preserve this art. Because when it's in a building like this, you know, this isn't a painting or a canvas that you can take from one museum into a studio, restore it, and then take it back to the museum. Museums are also climate controlled. You know, they monitor and limit how many people can enter in one day so as to preserve the paintings more. Because this is, I mean, this egg tempura, it's very delicate.

And when you have millions, tens of millions of tourists coming in and out of this building every year, carbon dioxide can damage these paintings. There's no glass. There's no bulletproof glass over this stuff. This is the building. This is the walls of the building. So it's very interesting how they conserve this. It's the perfect...

marriage of science and art history, of you have to understand what materials they were using at the time and how they are vulnerable to certain atmospheric conditions. And then on the flip side with modern science, how we can regulate and preserve these even further. I think this was restored in the 80s, I want to say, as recently as the 1980s.

And today, there are multiple filtration systems throughout the entire Sistine Chapel. I think six. There's six. Throughout the day, the air in this building is filtered six times. There is a temperature gauge. Only a certain amount of people are allowed in the room at one time. It's very, very scientific the way that they have gone about ensuring that this art can be enjoyed and will be enjoyed by humans for, you know, centuries to come. So,

I love this shit, dude. And I'm back. I'm back in it. And it feels good because this stuff makes me feel connected to life. It makes me feel alive and it makes me feel tethered to everyone and everything that's come before me and everything that will come after me from ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You know what I mean? What's that quote? Let me find it. I've talked about it before.

From my rotting body, flowers shall grow. And I am them. And that is eternity. That's how I feel about this shit, dude. It makes me emotional. I come from the earth and I will return to the earth. And we make art like this to honor the earth and to honor humanity.

our lives and whatever we think God is and how such a beautiful but devastatingly tragic existence can be so finite and so delicate and so short.

But you can make something like this that will affect generation after generation, centuries after you have died. You have created something immortal and you have immortalized yourself in the process. It's amazing. And it's not about you. It's not about me. It's not about, you know, immortalizing oneself. It's about creating something that humans value and see themselves in and are impressed by. This is humanism, I think.

Okay, that's all. Be sure you're registered to vote at headcount.org. I'm doing a fun little thing with Headcount. If y'all are going to ACL, Austin City Limits weekend too, I'm going to be there. And you can enter, if you are registered to vote through headcount.org, you can enter to come meet me. Okay, I don't know who wants to do that. Probably nobody, but you can do it. Okay, that's an opportunity there. So you just got to prove that you're registered to vote. Go on the website.

Check that shit out. If you want merch, we've got broski.shop. You can get Broski Report merch if you really are rocking with what we're putting down here. You can also subscribe to this channel. You can subscribe to the Royal Court channel on YouTube. We've got new episodes coming very soon. Very exciting. Okay. I love y'all very much. And thanks for letting me cry because my instinct there was to say I'm sorry for crying, but I'm not sorry for crying. Thank you for seeing me and not shaming me.

for crying. Love y'all, and I'll see you next week. Bye.

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