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cover of episode 60: The Mr Beast Version Bible & Researching Cryptids

60: The Mr Beast Version Bible & Researching Cryptids

2024/8/6
logo of podcast The Broski Report with Brittany Broski

The Broski Report with Brittany Broski

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Hey, small businesses. Sentara Health Plans has a team dedicated to answering your questions, leaving time for other business thoughts like... How did an action figure get stuck in the air vents? Or... What is the ideal human-to-goat ratio for my yoga class?

Knowing your health plan questions are answered, you can now focus on your other business needs. Sentara Health Plans, a dedicated team for your small business. Sentara Health Plans is a trade name of Sentara Health Plans, Sentara Health Insurance Company, Sentara Behavioral Health Services Incorporated, and Sentara Health Administration Incorporated. Exclusion terms and conditions apply. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Banana, B-O-B.

out. You know, sometimes I zoom out of what I'm doing and I realize the people who comment, I don't like her. She's annoying. I get it. I'm having a really deep seated moment of like self-awareness, self-awareness and the propensity and compulsion to do better. You know, in a different lifetime though, I would take off the minion hat. I'd take off the dragon helmet and I would talk about something useful, but that's not this podcast.

Stop expecting diamonds from a gold mine! I'm a gold mine! And usually I'm- I am the Webkinz cave. What was that called? The Webkinz gym mine? Would I still see suspicion in your eyes? Here I go off.

What the fuck is I gonna Google? Oh, Webkinz Diamond Mine. Curio tips in gym locations, gyms. What is it called though? The Gym Hunt. Gym mining. What are the different Webkinz gym mines called?

Okay. I don't know what it is about this podcast, but once again, we have landed on some form of a .fandom.com slash wiki. Last week it was dragons. This week it's webkins. Who knows what the fuck else it could get into. Oh my God, mermaids. I was going to look up mermaids later. Okay. I'm just going to store that in a separate little tab really quick. We'll come back to that. I should start doing that. I should start making tabs for

of what I want to talk about this episode so that way I can look at them and be like, oh, that's right, I was gonna talk about this instead of me scrounging around trying to find in the labyrinth of my brain what the actual hell I was about to talk about. Anyway, this website's prompting me to put in my birthday. I'm an adult, I'm a kid. Yeah, I'm an adult. Yeah, I'm a grown adult.

Gems in Webkinz world are gemstones that can be found in the gem mines through the Curio shop. Yeah, we know that. What are the different? Oh, wow. These are gorgeous, aren't they? The Webkinz diamond is, of course, the most valuable. Unicorn horn. I always did like the yum-zum sparkle. It looks like a sea anemone.

These are just to die for. I'm serious. Oh, loved these. The sea stone looks like a seashell. List of mines. Here we go. Let's fucking go. Let's go. The buried bones mine. Okay, guys, tag yourself. I'm about to list off all the mines. I want you to...

Think, if you were some form of a gym, where would you want to be within the Webkinz universe here, geographically located? We're looking at District 12 of the Webkinz World Mines. This is...

For lack of a better word, it's post-apocalyptic. They're living in quasi-slavery here in District 12, aka the Webkinz gym mines, okay? There are really, really atrocious human rights violations going down in the Webkinz gym mines. Artifact, he's a goddamn slaver, okay?

They don't talk about this a lot in the lore of Webkinz, in the larger lore of Webkinz. It's all fun and games. Oh, you want to go down there and mine hunt for gems? I bet you fucking do. And guess what? You're doing it for free. You're not getting paid to do that shit. We were part of a pyramid scheme as children. For a day in the mines, you might come across something. But the house always wins, right? Artifact always wins. That old delf who runs the curio shop, he's always going to win.

This truly was indoctrinating us. They needed someone to come work the mines and they enticed young individuals like myself to enter into the mine. Hey, I don't have a life insurance policy. Me at the ripe age of seven, down there with my child hands working the mines. No tools, just digging with my little child hands, desperate for a Webkinz gemstone, the Webkinz diamond. Did I ever find it? No.

You know what I got? Slag! I got slag! Oh, I got to keep the slag, though. But every time I got a diamond, no, no, no. You sell it back to the man for pennies on the dollar, right? Anyway, all that to say, here are the mines. You guys tell me which one you would be. Buried Bones Mine, Muzzle Mouth Mine, Flea Floater Mine, Howling Horse Mine, Barking Mad Mine.

I might link my ting from barking. 7 a.m. in the morning, she's calling, I'm yawning. Guys, remember that TikTok song? Guys, remember? Felt like I did so much. Felt like I did so much. I get naughty, and I'm naughty. Yeah!

You know what's awful is I love Don Toliver. I love Don Toliver. Like, probably gonna be one of my most listened to artists this year. TikTok ruined some of those songs for me. Forever and ever, amen. I can't hear that shit without picturing Addison Rae in my brain. I like blink, and every blink is Addison Rae doing a body roll. And I think I'm better because of it, okay? I think I'm better because of it. I'm cultured. This is my culture. That's my team. Team USA comprised of Addison Rae, uh...

Well, hell, who else would be on it? Who is y'all's dream cast pick for the Team USA team? It doesn't have to be any specific Olympic event. It could just be, you know, just generally to represent the US. I'd probably put someone like a Rachel Ray. Do y'all remember Rachel Ray? Does she have any racist allegations or was that just Paula Deen?

I would put somebody from the goddamn Food Network on Team USA. Because no, oh my God, Anthony Bourdain. Anthony Bourdain would have been number one hot seat pick for Team USA. May he rest in peace. I miss him every day. Anthony Bourdain and then maybe like Solange. I'd put Solange on Team USA. Yeah, and then maybe like DJ Mandy.

I'd put DJ Mandy on Team USA. Oh, I was saying I might link my ting from Bawk in 7 a.m. in the morning. That's what I was saying. Okay, yeah, back to the mines. A lot of these, I mean, upon reading them again as an adult, like buried bones mine, what was I doing in there as a child? What was I doing digging around in there? Also, these are not close together, the way they've got these positioned on the map. This is in between mountains, hills. I mean, I am miles underground. No lunch that day.

Because I've got maybe like 30 webs cash, Webkinz cash to my name. And I've spent that 30 bucks trying to feed my fucking son, Marlboro, who is my dog. That's my son, Marlboro. Y'all, I had about 100 Webkinz. I'm not joking. I had about probably over 100 Webkinz when I was a child. It was my obsession.

Every birthday, every Christmas, I would ask for money so I could go buy a Webkinz. And I'd be pissed when someone would get me a Webkinz because I'm like, I didn't fucking want that one. I didn't freaking want that one. Because now you bought that one for me and it's stupid and dumb. I would never buy a cat Webkinz. I wanted to dragon unicorn Webkinz.

I wanted all the dogs. Oh my God, I had two chihuahuas that were twins. Twin bitches, twin bitches hopping up the jet ski. You know, I had two Webkinz that were twin chihuahuas and I named them Mia and Tia. My twins big like Tia Tamara. Anyway, yeah, I had over a hundred. And looking back, like, you know, those memes that are always like me while my parents were financially struggling during the recession. What do you mean we can't get Chick-fil-A for dinner?

I didn't know you guys were fucking broke. Me to my parents who were raising three children, working jobs during a recession, trying to keep food on the table. What do you mean we can't get McDonald's, bro? You guys suck. I hate it here. I'm going to kill myself. Except that was me providing for my son and Webkinz. Okay, yeah. Buried bones, howling horse, flea floater, muzzle mouth, barking mad mind. You know, I don't like to say this,

But a lot of y'all would be in the barking mad mind. A lot of y'all would be. And I wouldn't put you there. I wouldn't do that to you. But unfortunately, after a lot of psychological evals, because you have to get a psyche eval before you go down into the mines, because, you know, the mines can really take it out of you. The mines can bring you a lot of fortune or they can they can mentally bankrupt you.

So a lot of you guys, unfortunately, would be sent to the Barking Mad mine because you failed your psychological evaluation. And that's okay because not all of us can be in the Buried Bones mine, the Flea Floaters. These are the really lucrative but very difficult mines to be in. And it would break a weaker spirit. So I'll be in the Buried Bones mine.

getting my scraps and you guys will be in the Barking Mad mine. And that's okay. Cause I'll come visit you. I'll come, I'll, I'll smuggle scraps from dinner. You know, like the, what's that scene in Hunger Games? And the one with Tom, what's his name? Tom Blythe. Oh wow. Oh wow. I haven't thought about Tom Blythe in a second. Tom Blythe.

Oh, Lord. Hold on. I'm blushing under my Minion hat. I have not thought about Tom Blythe in a hot minute. Damn. Shit. That movie, I forgot I saw that movie theaters four times. Damn. Sending a love heart to you this morning. I'm manifesting a physical love heart. Just grunted one out. No, I'm sending it to you. Okay? Down the sewage pipeline. Okay, so...

Oh, wow, hold on, there are detailed explanations of each of these mines. Oh, y'all. Okay, here we go. For the majority of y'all, the Barking Mad Mine. Is it madness or genius to search for gems in this mine? Only a truly seasoned miner will know. See, they entice you in that way. You gotta be this type of miner. You gotta be a veteran. You gotta have served in the Webkinz military for 13 plus years.

It takes a lot of manipulation to get to the point where you wish you were in the Barking Mad mine. You know what I mean? Honestly, really kudos to the Webkinz Deep State because that's nuts. That sort of, like, this is propaganda when you think about it. So moving on. Flea Floater Mine. The bugs are about the only small things you'll find waiting to be uncovered and discovered inside. Okay? You know what else can be found in this mine?

The bones of a homicide case. Because everyone remembers that famous Webkinz true crime podcast that happened where they talked about the human bones, the human remains found in the flea floater mine. Everyone knows that. Moving on. The howling horse mine, the howling wind will help to whistle while you work along your way to royal riches.

I do like actually how a lot of all of these mine entrances look like what they are. The Howling Horse Mine, of course, the entrance is a horseshoe. The Flea Floater Mine, you know, just kidding. I don't know what that looks like. But the Barking Mad Mine, it looks like it has teeth. It looks like it has teeth and a little uvula.

And Muzzlemouth Mine, this one has a gate over it, it looks like a muzzle. Many miners have been tight-lipped about just what type of treasures they've found hidden in this mine, because the Webkinz cartel wipes them out afterward. Guys, I talked last week about the Broski Nation Crime Syndicate. It's nothing compared to the Webkinz one. Okay, this shit runs deep, it is a problem, and the Webkinz DEA

Uh, really, you know, they're at their wit's end. They can't do much about it. And let me go ahead and just Google really quick what DEA stands for. Um, the Drug Enforcement Administration. So they're really, they're doing drug busts. They're doing drug busts in the Webkinz mines. All right. Buried Bones Mine. It's said that this mine has many things other than just gems nestled in its niches. Niches? Niches? Nicha.

How to pronounce niche. Niche. It's not each? Niche. Niche. Niche. Niche. Oh my god, do y'all remember that video of the guy pronouncing all the food wrong? Speggy and Marbles. Page. Do y'all remember that video? I don't- who the fuck- was I watching this with my writers the other day? I think I was watching this with the Metchkies.

Speggie and Merbles and Pish, that video from like 2008, where it's just the pictures of the, you guys get what I'm saying. If you have not seen that video, please. Guys, no one gets me. Niche. Niche. That is the stupidest shit ever. So how come it's not niche? How to pronounce niche British?

At this point in time in the US, niche with a C-H is still the more common pronunciation, but niche is gaining ground. Our evidence suggests that in British English, niche is now the more common pronunciation. That is so, so, so, so crazy to me. This is from Merriam-Webster. What a, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold your horses, buddy. Hey, pal.

Hey, pump the brakes, pal. When a white guy starts to get mad. Whoa, whoa, whoa, pal. Back up, buddy. Back up, buddy. Whoa, pal. Hey, hey, man, relax. Okay. Okay.

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I get that sort of like short of breathness that comes. Do you know what I mean? Where like my, I get a little tight in the chest and I get excited. Like I can feel my pulse. The last time it happened was with the TikTok ASMR potions.

and before that it was the Squish Toys. Now, actually before that it was World War II. Now, reading that just now of like our evidence suggests, like from Merriam-Webster, the website. Can I say like one more time? I hate, I hate this. I hate this.

The Merriam-Webster website explaining that, that language is ever evolving and its meanings can change and its pronunciations can change and new words come from this. And, you know, this region is developing this and it's spreading across because of, you know, anthropology and linguistics. I just love and I never really gave it much thought.

In a recent TikTok, I talked about graphology and some of you bitches were really interested. And here's the thing. I'm here to help feed that hunger for different disciplines of study, different areas of study. Because graphology, when I was in high school, was a real thing I was interested in. Don't know why. Actually, I do know why because it was mentioned in Sherlock Holmes and I love it.

I loved it. Of course I loved it. Graphology is the study of handwriting, and it can give you an insight into that person's mind, their mental state, their character traits, maybe some, not compulsions, but their tendencies in life, and I think that's so interesting. The slant at which someone writes, the pressure with which they write,

what type of utensil they write with, you know, is it messy? Is it legible? Are some of the letters, do they write different letters differently at different times? Because all of our handwriting varies depending on

who we're writing for, who it's addressed to, is it a note, is it a journal entry, is it a letter? All these things affect, but at the core of it, there are similarities and there's patterns to be observed and learned from. And so graphology in that sense is more a study of psychology. And it's very, very interesting. And so from graphology, that sort of leaned me into the linguistic side of it, how language is this ever beating, it's ever beating heart is in your hands.

every day when you wake up, how we choose to wield words and what we make language do, how we can wield it for good or evil is such an interesting, you know, anyway. Clicking on this website where it said our evidence, evidence suggests, which means that they're constantly doing research and polls and what an interesting field of study is what I'm getting at.

But it just sparked something in me because this is interesting. I'm going to go back and read it. Maybe, maybe Merriam-Webster is where I was supposed to work all along. Maybe this internet shit isn't for me. Maybe I'm supposed to be doing research on how to, do Americans pronounce it niche or niche? Niche, peach, spaggy and marbles. Our evidence suggests that in British English, niche is now the more common pronunciation. Okay, I'm going to click on this one more time. Let's go ahead and get the definition of niche.

A recess in a wall, especially for a statue. A place, employment, status, or activity for which a person or thing is best fitted. A habitat supplying the factors necessary for the existence of an organism or species. The ecological role of an organism in a community. Okay, now, how do you pronounce niche? There is a debate about how you are supposed to pronounce niche. There are two common pronunciation variants, both of which are currently considered correct. Niche is

Is the more... Oh my god, I'm still saying it wrong! "Niche" rhymes with "sheesh" and "niche" rhymes with "pitch". It's supposed to be "niche"? Now see, 'cause what I did was a combination of both. Which I guess is not right.

Oh, I need to get me a copy of that.

Niche wasn't listed as a pronunciation in our dictionaries until our 1961 Webster's Third New International Dictionary Unabridged, and it wasn't entered into our smaller Collegiate Dictionary until 1993. All this is to say that the historical pronunciation has been niche, and that niche is a relative newcomer that came about likely under influence from French pronunciation conventions. What?!

Yo, at this point in time in the United States, niche is still the more common pronunciation, but niche is gaining ground. Our evidence suggests that in British English, niche is now the more common pronunciation. What an, wow, that is so interesting to me. Do you guys not give a fuck? You guys don't give a fuck about etymology? Oh my God, here we go. The noun and verb is French from middle French, from nichère.

to nest from vulgar Latin, nidi- nid- nidi- care from Latin nidus, nest. What? Its first use was in 1610. That is nuts to me, y'all. Y'all don't even care. And it just goes to show that y'all don't really care. Well, glad we spent 20 minutes on that. Glad we really learned about that, guys. The fuck? Anyway, back to the bone mine.

Buried Bones Mine. It's said that this mine has many things other than just gems nestled in its niches. See, now that seems mean. The way that I just said that word seems mean, but according to Merriam, Merriam-Webster, it's correct. Who was Bro? How do you have a whole dictionary named after you?

Who was Merriam-Webster? Just how I've always thought that it's fucked up that there's a King James version of the Bible. Who was James? There's a Jimmy? There's a Mr. Beast version of the Bible? The Mr. Beast Bible? No, bro. There's a Mr. Beast dream version of the Bible? No, bro. I'm not reading that, but I'm getting that for a few friends of mine.

Going to church and they read out of the Mr. Beast Bible. Okay. Noah Webster is the namesake of Merriam-Webster. Oh, it's hyphenated. It's two names. A company that provides language information to the United States. Just the US. Webster was an American nationalist and lexicographer. I'm farting. Did you guys hear that? I feel so much better. Oh, that was a surprise one. And it smells god-awful. Lexicographer.

A person who compiles dictionaries. Wow, guys, we're learning a lot today. My tonsils are touching each other. Like I have do not disturb on, don't blast through it. You know what I mean? Hey, if I have D&D on, why would you blast through it? Because guess what? I don't want to be disturbed, right? I'm addressing the nation. I don't want to talk to you currently. I will get to you in a second. So if I have do not disturb on, why would you notify me anyway? Anyway.

A lexicographer is a person who compiles dictionaries. Has everyone got that? What is a lexicographer? Thank you. Who was Miriam? He was an American nationalist and lexicographer who believed in the cultural independence of the United States, including a distinct American language. He spent decades researching and writing dictionaries to create a single definition of American English, popularizing features that would become hallmarks of American spelling and usage. This is nutso.

Webster's first dictionary was published in 1806, a compendious dictionary of the English language. It included technical terms from the arts and sciences, as well as features like sinter, spelled with an ER instead of RE, and honor with an HONOR instead of with the British OU. In 1807, Webster began work on a more comprehensive dictionary, an American dictionary of the English language, which took two decades to complete.

To help him trace word etymology, Webster learned 26 languages. What the fuck? Y'all, this is nuts. Listen to this. Oh my God, I had no idea this. Webster's political agenda was authoritarian and intolerant of difference. And he believed that national spelling reform would lead to national pride and identity. However, his dictionaries were originally considered a prestige purchase, only affordable to the wealthy.

The brothers George and Charles Merriam, printers from Springfield, Massachusetts, helped transform Webster's dictionaries into a household necessity. In 1982, the company changed its name from G&C Merriam Company to Merriam-Webster Inc. to distinguish its products and emphasize its quality dictionary-making tradition.

Today, Merriam-Webster offers award-winning websites and apps that provide language information to tens of millions of visitors each month. That is not so to me. So he was born in what? 18... 1758. Died in 1843. Can I have a voice crack a little deeper next time, maybe? Jesus. It is the oldest dictionary publisher in the United States. That is so kind of scary, actually.

I think that's what I'm settling on. Hold on, let me work through this. So you're telling me that an American nationalist who was intolerant of cultural difference... Scary. ...is now shaping and defining language, now saying what is and is not correct American English. That's nuts to me that someone just had that idea and that previously, before he existed...

There was no reference for what a word means, how to properly spell it. That's actually impressive. No, that's not true. At least American English. What? When was the first dictionary? Yeah, here we go. The first recorded dictionaries date back to Sumerian times, around 2300 BCE, and were bilingual.

The oldest surviving monolingual dictionaries are Chinese dictionaries from around the 3rd century BCE. That's nuts. The first purely English alphabetical dictionary was A Table Alphabetical, written by English school teacher Robert Cawdrey in 1604. The only surviving copy is found at the Bodleian Library in Oxford. The library.

The Baldwin Library in Oxford, really. It's nuts. So it sounds like there was, I mean, he was a teacher. There probably wasn't, I'm assuming, any malintent behind that of providing an identity to the people who read the dictionary. Also, you don't read the dictionary. You reference the dictionary. Sorry, that's actually so boring. I'm so sorry for that.

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Other podcasts are like, and here's the fucking tea. And mine's like, so when the dictionary was made, American was different from British. And actually, we're still trying to decide which one is correct because technically both are correct. Who fucking cares, dude? I do. Actually, let me rewind. I do. I care a lot because this is what I want to talk about. It's important to know how the language we speak was shaped and how it shapes us.

And apparently it was legitimized by an American nationalist who probably was racist. So that's American to its core. Let's talk about mermaids. Is there evidence of mermaids? Don't know why everything here is coming up in Minions suddenly. Okay, here it says, Bido, Bido, Banana, Bello, Casa de Miniboss.

Maybe it's like a setting in my Google or something. I don't know why it's... Hold on. Sorry, guys. Yeah, no, everything... And the page is yellow and it's saying to like put on my goggles. Maybe if I had my goggles, I could read it better. No, yeah, this is all in Minion. Sorry, guys. I'll just change the language at the top. Okay, here we go. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, there is no evidence that mermaids or aquatic humanoids have ever existed. God damn it.

They just don't see. They don't see. Yes, they don't know what I know. They don't know what I've discovered. That the mermaids are very real, and not only are they real, but they speak to me. Yes, they speak to me. Whenever I'm in a body of water, I hear they whisper across the waves. They speak to me. I know they're real because they're in my mind, and everything in my mind is real.

horrifyingly real. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, yes, a bunch of fucking idiots. They don't know what I know, that all merpeople are real. Chat, is that valid? Chat, is this real? Chat, is bro valid for thinking mermaids are real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.

Mermaids, those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea, are legendary sea creatures chronicled in maritime culture since time immemorial. So if we've been talking about it forever and we have sightings,

What do you mean they're not real? Just because we don't have a carcass of one displayed in a museum doesn't mean they're not real, bro. And on TikTok, I see people make mermaid potions. So who's drinking those if mermaids aren't real? I need you guys to use your fucking brains.

Again, some podcasts come on here and they're like spewing really scary, hateful, right-wing shit. And people are like, oh, they have a point. That's really actually, that's really true. That's true. If you think about it, I've never thought about it. It's the truth. It's the truth.

And then I'm on here in a similarly harmful way, like guys, dragons were real. Mermaids are real. You have to live life with a little bit of whimsy. You have to leave your convictions behind and embrace reality that mermaids are real, we just haven't caught one because no one can keep up with them. And when they die, they sink to the bottom of the ocean. Therefore, humans, our ears would pop, guys.

our ears would pop and what's that called when divers go to they go down really far and they acclimate their their pressure whatever down but then when you go up to the surface really fast what's that called it's not the spins it's called it's on the tip of my freaking tongue bruh what is it called when divers return when divers come up too fast

Decompression- the bins! Decompression sickness, often called the bins. Decompression sickness happens when a scuba diver ascends too quickly. Why do I know this? Divers breathe compressed air that contains nitrogen. At higher pressure underwater, the nitrogen gas goes into the body's tissues. This doesn't cause a problem when a diver is down in the water. But if you come up too fast, you have to like slowly drop weights off of you.

Or like, you know, acclimate the pressure. Because when you come up way too fast, you start like shaking and shit. Because what is that? There's nitrogen in your blood? Is that what it is? You can die from it. The nitrogen can form tiny bubbles in the blood and or body tissues. Causing decompression sickness. This is proof that humans should stay on the damn ground. Get out of the air. Get out of the water.

This is Mother Nature being like, "I said no! Get out! No! Get!" Mother Nature. When you're, they always say like in planes, it's the highest UV radiation, like, it's, you swell up, you get dehydrated, you're whatever. "Get out of the damn air! Get out!" I said no. Get down!

And get out of the pool! That's literally Mother Nature to us. And we're like, "I wanna go four miles underwater!" And then we do it, and then we come up and we're, "There's fucking... There's nitrogen in my blood! There's nitrogen under my skin! There's bubbles under my skin!" Mother Nature's like, "Told you. I told you to get out of the water or else. What'd I say?" "I'll give you a reason to cry." That's what Mother Nature said. She said, "Quit crying, I'll give you a reason to cry." And then she spanked me. She hit me on my breeches. Oh!

The bins. Do you die from the bins? Yes, decompression sickness, also known as the bins, can be fatal. I knew this. It occurs when dissolved gases like nitrogen form bubbles in the blood and tissues of someone who ascends too quickly from deep water. These bubbles can cause tissue and nerve damage, and in extreme cases, paralysis or death if the bubbles enter the brain. Oh, yeah.

And like, what do you do? You put them back under the water? How do you fix the bins? The bins are treated in a hyperbaric recompression chamber. Yeah, you put them back under water. The doctor will first treat immediate life threats, such as breathing problems or shock.

The diver will need high flow oxygen and IV fluids. Oh, that is nuts. Can you fully recover from the bends? The majority of people recover completely. Divers having only itching, skin modeling, and fatigue usually do not need to undergo recompression. Now, what the hell is skin modeling? Guys, we learned so much on this podcast. Modeled skin occurs when blood flow to tiny vessels under your skin is disrupted. I'd like to see a photo. Oh!

Oh, wait, I get this sometimes. Wait, what the hell? Yeah, babies get this. Oh, Jesus. This results in a fine bluish red lace-like pattern. The condition is also known as a livido reticularis. Reticularis. What the hell? Oh, it happens before death and in sepsis. All right, I don't want to know about this. It's gonna make me vomit.

Okay, so guys, if you ever go scuba diving or you go snorkeling, probably not snorkeling actually, if you go scuba diving and you go down too far, just know that if you get the bins, just go to a hyperbaric recompression chamber. Okay, guys, this is common knowledge. This is common knowledge. Okay, okay, okay. Now back to mermaids. Is there evidence of aquatic humanoids?

So again, they're saying no, but in my mind, no just means we don't know yet. We can't know. That's what this is reading as to me because there are those weirdos, okay? There are those weirdos online that are like, I have a mermaid carcass I found and it's in my house. It's like, okay, I will never be going to your house. Thank you for letting me know. Thank you for letting me know, okay? Thank you for telling me. See, what the hell is this?

Do mermaids exist? Scientists begin tests on a 300-year-old what? Mummified body to uncover the mystery. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, look at her. She's gorgeous. And she's in a Skims strapless bra. Oh, look at her. She is beautiful. She's in a Skims.

A report that scientists have begun tests on a 300-year-old mermaid mummy to identify its origins has stimulated an interest in the existence of mermaids in Japanese folklore. Let's lock in to that. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ning, ning, yong.

As the name suggests, is a creature with both human and fish-like features described in various pieces of Japanese literature. It translates to human fish, bro. Though often translated as mermaid, the term is technically not gender specific and may include the mer-men. The literal translation human fish has also been applied. This is what I'm talking about!

The earliest records of the 凝漁 attested and written Japanese sources are freshwater beings captured allegedly in the 7th century, documented later in the Nihon Shokai. But subsequent examples are usually seawater beings. Guys, in the medieval times, it was held to be a sign of ill omen, and its beaching was blamed for subsequent bloody battles or calamity. Okay, now were they fucking? Were they fucking these fish?

You know, the propensity of men is to, if they find something interesting, they try to fuck it. So if this, if this is folklore, I don't know if they, they said that they were writing about it in burlesque and these burlesque novels. Okay. So probably they were jerking it to the merman, to the merpeople.

The merfolk. In Japan, elements of belief and myth linked to the natural world have endured from prehistoric times as an important part of culture and tradition. But the mermaid, as imagined in the Western Psyche, does not appear in these accounts. Okay, here we go. The dried mermaid currently undergoing tests was allegedly caught in the Pacific Ocean off the Japanese island of Shikoku between 1736 and 1741 and is now kept in a temple in the city of Asakuchi.

Examination of the mermaid has led researchers to believe it is a relic from the Edo period. The Beedo Beedo period. Sorry. From the banana period. It was common for yokai, spirits and entities, and living scary creatures to be displayed for audiences as entertainment in traveling shows, similar to the freak shows in the US. Crazy. Okay, so now we're seeing that...

Whatever these, you know, myths or if they're supposed to be stories that we teach children or, you know, if they're campfire stories to teach a sort of lesson of, you know, maybe it be the dangers of immortality. Once again, I dare to bring up on this podcast how you should not want to be immortal, but so much of mythology and these mystical beings are...

I think they're elusive and they're interesting to us because they are immortal. They're described as being immortal. And we're like, what? That's also why they don't die. We've never found them. That's why there's no bodies. Yeah, because they're all still alive. Be serious.

So this right here, listen to this. Literary and visual representations, particularly anime and manga, of the newly westernized mermaid have explored the dilemma of enchantment. Okay, let me read that again. Have explored the dilemma of enchantment. I wish I could highlight that. That's great. I'm going to copy and paste that. These have included perspectums. What? Take that again.

These have included perspectives of the mermaid herself, and in some cases, the person, generally male, who has discovered her existence, bonded with her, then is forced to let her go.

This new mermaid now appears to have a place in popular culture, with new tales that attract tourists to the southernmost islands of Japan. The bronze statue of a mermaid, sitting forlornly on a rock on Okinawa's Moon Beach, is supposed to represent local legends of beautiful mermaids rescuing people from the depths of a menacing sea. This is a far cry from the ghoulish image of the ninyo, the half-human fish with the monkey's mouth.

That's very interesting because, again, if, because it's shit like the Loch Ness Monster as well, Bigfoot, where in one region, it becomes a thing. Like, like it's a thing, you know? And I don't know if it's a, how would you define cryptid? Cryptid.

Like an elusive creature. A cryptid is a creature that is mentioned in folklore or other accounts, but whose existence is questionable. Exactly. So these cryptids that are local to one region where the Loch Ness monster comes from the Loch Ness Lake, which Loch is lake. Ness means it's a lake in Scotland. Large freshwater loch in the Scottish Highlands. Nessie. Loch Ness monster story.

Okay, this is from Britannica.com. Much of the alleged evidence supporting the existence of the Loch Ness Monster has been discredited, and it is widely thought that the monster is a myth. Reports of a monster inhabiting Loch Ness date back to ancient times. Notably, local stone carvings by the Pict depict a mysterious beast with flippers. The first written account appears in it. What if it's just a dinosaur? What if it's a dinosaur that survived? What?

Here's the photograph, the famous photograph. This is from 1934. Bruh, what is that? That's it. That's Nessie. Reports, oh, here we go. The first written account appears in a 7th century biography of St. Columba. According to that work, in 565 AD, the monster bit a swimmer and was prepared to attack another man when Columba intervened, ordering the beast to go back.

It obeyed, and over the centuries, only occasional sightings were reported. Many of these alleged encounters seemed inspired by Scottish folklore, which abounds with mythical water creatures. In 1933, here we go, here's the tea.

In 1933, the Loch Ness Monster's legend began to grow. At the time, a road adjacent to Loch Ness was finished, offering an unobstructed view of the lake. In April, a couple saw an enormous animal, which they compared to a dragon or prehistoric monster. Dinosaur. And after it crossed their car's path, it disappeared into the water. This is in 1933.

The incident was reported in a Scottish newspaper and numerous sightings followed. In December 1933, the Daily Mail commissioned Marmaduke Wetherill, a big game hunter, to locate the sea serpent. Along the lake's shores, he found large footprints that he believed belonged to a very powerful, soft-footed animal about 20 feet long.

However, upon closer inspection, zoologists at the Natural History Museum determined that the tracks were identical and made with an umbrella stand or ashtray that had a hippopotamus leg as a base. Wetherill's role in the hoax was unclear. What? Zoologists at the Natural History Museum determined that the tracks were identical and made with an umbrella stand. So they're saying that the creature would have two different feet.

Or if they had four feet that there would be some abnormalities? The news only seemed to spur efforts to prove the monster's existence. In 1934, English physician Robert Kenneth Wilson photographed the alleged creature. The iconic image, known as the surgeon's photograph, appeared to show the monster's small head and neck. The Daily Mail printed the photograph, sparking an international sensation.

Many speculated that the creature was a plesiosaur, a marine reptile that went extinct some 65.5 million years ago. That's what I'm saying. It looks like a plesiosaur. What? Elasmosaurus. Look at that. It's like a turtle with a super long neck.

What the fuuuuuck? I thought it was like a brontosaurus underwater, but this shit, that looks like the Loch Ness Monster to me. I think that looks about right to me. Yeah, that's what I saw. Wait, okay, how do you do Scottish? Seriously. Are you serious? Seriously. Is that Scottish? Or Shrek? Donkey! Okay, okay. I forgot what I was going to say. Let's keep going.

The plesiosaur, any of a group of long-necked marine reptiles found as fossils from the late Triassic period into the late Cretaceous period. Plesiosaurs had a wide distribution in European seas and around the Pacific Ocean. An early plesiosaur was about 15 feet long with a broad, flat body and a relatively short tail. It swam by flapping its fins in the water, much as sea lions do today.

In a modified style of underwater flight, the nostrils were located far back on... Oh my god, I have to subscribe to finish the article. You bitches who do this need to be shot. You bitches need to be shot, whoever puts this shit behind a paywall. On Britannica? On Britannica.com. Dumb. This is dumb. Knowledge should not be gatekept behind a paywall. Stupid.

Okay, anyway. Oh, look at all these cryptids. Holy shit. Oh, I need this on a t-shirt, I think. No, I don't. Mothman. Yeah, you guys heard about Mothman in West Virginia? Um, the Flatwoods monster? That looks fucking terrifying. What the hell's going on in West Virginia? Why are there so many cryptids in West Virginia? What are y'all smoking out there?

West Virginia is known for having many cryptid stories, more than any other state, and some say it's 'cause of the state's location in Appalachia and the heavy fog in the Ohio Valley. Appalachia's home to a variety of natural flora and fauna and many mysterious and unexplained creatures. Some of the most popular cryptids, some, some include Mothman, Bigfoot, Grafton Monster, Sheep Squats?

Sheep Squatch! What the fuck is Sheep Squatch? Why is it like it's from Fallout? No! Oh my god, if this came knocking at my fucking door, I'd kill myself. Oh, what the hell is Sheep Squatch, bro? This is gonna make me freak out. Cryptid Wiki? Once again, we've landed on fandom.wiki.com. Y'all, if anyone plays Fallout, can you please tell me what the hell this shit is?

Sheep Squatch. Damn. Okay, here's another one. Snarly Yow and a Cumberland Dragon. Snarly Yow. What is this? Oh my god, what is that?

Legend has it that the shadow of a black dog used to prowl the heights of South Mountain. One night, a huntsman, famous as a sure shot, encountered the beast. He aimed and fired his rifle. The shot went right through the animal with no effect. He fired again and again, each shot passing through the shadowy beast. Finally, overcome with dread, the huntsman fled. Okay, so it's just a dog. What is this? Okay.

Snarly Yow. The more you know. Cumberland Dragon. Let's see what's going on there. Cumberland Dragon. Cryptid Wiki. Oh, this is what I'm talking about, bro. It's like a real dragon. Oh, yeah, that's sick as fuck.

That's so cool. Y'all got dragons in West Virginia? Guys, it all comes back together. Everything on this podcast is a full circle. Closing the loop. Bumping this in your inbox. Closing the loop. I said last week dragons are real. We've got proof of one in West Virginia. West Virginia Cumberland dragon. The following weird blurb was posted in the Caledonian Mercury podcast.

Here's the little blurb.

in february last a detachment of mounted infantry commanded by captain john beard penetrated fifteen miles into the cumberland mountain on cover creek in sign mcdonald and another man in advance of the party as spies discovered a creature about three steps from them it had only two legs and stood almost upright

I know this was in America, but I'm imagining 1784, they still would have had British accents, right?

It stood about three minutes in a daring posture, orders being given not to fire a gun. Mr. MacDonald advanced and struck at it with his sword when it jumped at least eight feet and lit on the same spot of ground, sending forth a red kind of matter out of its mouth, resembling blood, and then retreated into a laurel thicket, turning round often as if it intended to fight. The tracks of it resembled that of a goose, but larger.

The Native Americans report that a creature inhabits that part of the mountain and of the above description, which by its breath will kill a man if he does not instantly immerse himself in water. What the fuck? So that's real. Someone commented, are you sure it's a dragon? Someone responded, maybe a basilisk or a cockatrice. Now what's a cockatrice? What is a cockatrice? Oh, it's a...

A mythical beast that is part snake and part rooster, with a rooster's head, legs, and wings, and the body and tail of a serpent. Oh, it's a basilisk. Now, a basilisk in Harry Potter is just a snake. Just a big-ass snake. Big-aw snake. This is a cock snake. When they talk about a snake cock, this is what I'm imagining. Okay, I guess that's scary, but, like, not really.

Cause that looks cool as fuck. This is, it's literally imagine like a chicken wings, neck head. And then it's just got like a snake's tail. Come on guys. We couldn't have been more creative than this. All right. Okay. I think that'll do it for me this week. Team.

New episode of Royal Court coming out August 2nd, so watch out for that. If you want Broski Report, merch, we have it, broski.shop. If you want a Broski Nation muumuu, the official uniform and outfit of a Broski Nation soldier, go get it, okay, broski.shop. If you want to register to vote, headcount.org, they'll get you set up over there. If you are not registered to vote, please register to vote.

If you are not subscribed to the new Royal Court YouTube channel, go do that. Guys, I have so many different avenues of content for you. Just take it all. I also have a main channel, the Brittany Broski YouTube channel. I post one YouTube video a week. Go enjoy that. Okay, guys? Love you. And if you're watching this, I'm in Paris for the Olympics. So go Team USA. And separately, go Team Ireland. Oh!

Okay. Love you guys. Shout out. Be good. Bye-bye. Next week. I'll see you next week. Bye.