48: Broski Nation Space Program & the Popemobile
54:58 Share

Mucho gusto.

¿O ya nos conocemos? Soy el virus del COVID-19. Me disfrazo para burlar a tu sistema inmunitario. Mi compa, el virus de la gripe, y yo enfermamos a miles de personas cada año. Pero las vacunas actualizadas lo hacen mucho más difícil. No se lo hagas tan fácil a estos virus. Este otoño, ponte al día con las vacunas contra el COVID-19 y la gripe. Patrocinado por los defensores de la educación, la equidad y el progreso de la vacunación.

Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Bebe Andresi, Bebe Andresi, come on, Bebe Andresi, Bebe Andresi. Guys, what a week. What a past 72 hours.

And of course I am referencing the Kendrick and Drake beef. Hey, what's going on? Guys, what's going on? I'm a little scared. Bebe Andresi, Bebe Andresi. That, look, funniest thing I've ever heard. Okay, guys, it's been a while, okay? I backlogged some episodes.

I haven't sat my warm, flat, pimply butt in this chair in, oh, it's been about two weeks, okay? Because I back, well, let me think right really quick, two weeks ago. Also, we're having like a windstorm or something in LA right now, so the windows are like, because my house is old, it's like creaking and like,

groaning and like, my house is one of those where I've talked about this before. Hey, maybe it's haunted. Not my business. Maybe it's haunted. Don't care. Okay? Don't really see how that involves me. If you guys are hanging out in here, totally understand. Okay? I'm just going to kind of be in my room. If you guys could just keep me down sort of thing is how I feel. So like when you walk through my house, the floors are real like, that's how it makes me feel good too because if there was ever an intruder or something, bitch, I'm hearing you from the minute you touch the doorknob. It's...

Loud as fuck. It gives me time to escape and I have an escape plan. Did you know that you can't take mace on a plane, but you can take bear spray on a plane? Or maybe, hey, maybe I made that up. Can you fly with bear mace? God damn it. Bear spray is not allowed.

One four ounce can of mace or pepper spray is permitted in a checked bag. Okay guys, if you're traveling with bear spray, put it in your checked bag, provided it is equipped with a safety mechanism to prevent accidental discharge. What the fuck? Okay, my bear mace isn't discharging in my bag, bro. That's freaking gross. Okay, my bear spray isn't having shmegmum wet cum in my bag. My bear spray isn't having a panty liner, bro. That's gross.

Can I fly with bear spray checked? It can be checked if it is less than four ounces and contains less than 2% of the active CS or CN ingredient. What is that, do you think, cyanide? What's in bear spray that makes it burn? Red pepper oil? Alaska Department of Fish and Game.gov. I trust this website with my whole entire being. Bear spray is a deterrent.

Here's what everyone should know about bear spray. Lock in. It's made of red pepper oil, oleoresin, or capsaicin. Now, capsaicin is what they use on the Scoville units. It's a measurement of how much capsaicin is in, right? What is the Scoville? Scoville. What is Scoville? Scale. It is based on a Scoville unit is a unit of pungency.

Recorded in Scoville heat units. It is based on the concentration of capsatinoids.

Among which capstation is the predominant component. And really quick, I'd like to give a quick shout out to Sean Evans for teaching me this shit, okay? Sean Evans taught me everything I know about Scoville and Scoville units. Shout out to Hot Ones and shout out to First We Feast because that's how I know what the Carolina Reaper is. It's how I know what Pepper X is. It's how I know what ghost peppers are, okay? And when Popeyes came out with that ghost pepper sauce, that shit was not a joke. It had me coughing blood into my hand, okay? And I love spicy food.

Do my bowels love spicy food? No. Hell, can my bowels handle milk? No. Tom Segura has that bit that's like, oh, is the milk too spicy for your little tummy? Do you go poop on your panties? Yes, I will. I remember the first time I went to a doctor and she was like, yeah, you just don't have the like, you don't have the, it's not an acid. It's not a protein. Lactic. You don't have

It breaks it down. All right, guys. How does lactose intolerance work? Lactose intolerance happens when you're smelling, tasting. Okay, so when you're smelling, tasting, it's not big enough digestive enzyme. It's called enzymes. That's what it feels like. When you start talking, you feel that mucus bubble growing in your throat. Lactose intolerance happens when you're... Like...

When your small intestine does not make enough of a digestive enzyme called lactase. Lactase is my favorite British drag queen. Breaks down the lactose in food so your body can absorb it. Lactase. Digestive enzyme. Now, what is an enzyme? What is an enzyme? We're really getting to the bottom of this today, guys. Enzymes are proteins that act as a biological catalyst by accelerating chemical reactions. So that's what it is. My body cannot break down lactase.

the lactose. And for that reason, furthermore, and inevitably, I am lactose intolerant. And I grew up drinking like literal cups of milk with dinner. I had horrible cystic acne and diarrhea all the time, but damn, that shit was smacking. Sometimes I'd wake up in a cold sweat in the night, just like, oh, I need a nice cold glass of cow's milk.

I do miss cow's milk. Sometimes, oh my God, I was in an airport lounge recently. I was in an airport lounge and I got, they had one of those little coffee machines, okay? And I was like, a latte from an automated coffee dispenser? I don't have to interact with anyone and probably this machine hasn't been washed in two months. Yeah, I'm getting one.

Went up there and I was like, where's the option for, okay, I guess it's just real milk. Clicked it. I made a decaf coffee, okay? And I peered into the little machine. I probably wasn't supposed to. Opened the little door and it's literally just a gallon of milk that they've put a little feeder tube into. So, you know, when the coffee comes out and it's like, that's the Keurig noise. When it's percolating like a butt. And then the other tube comes in, that one's milk.

I literally was like, I wonder if this is like a powdered milk or if it's something else. No, bitch, it's coming straight out of that gallon. I don't know what I thought was going on behind the scenes of a coffee maker. Sometimes I watch clips back from this podcast and I'm amazed at how sometimes when I try, how articulate and...

See, forgot the word that I was going for. How articulate and eloquent I can be when I really sit down and put my brain to something. And then sometimes I am shocked and amazed by how a coffee machine works, how a coffee maker works, how they can automate a latte. And I think that's the beauty of life. Never stop being amazed by these small things. Okay. Life's full of awesome, amazing things. Like an airport lounge coffee maker. Anyway, I sat down

with my little airport lounge coffee, and I was like, "This is delicious." It wasn't, but it was free. And so I'm drinking it. I'm not joking, within seven minutes, count 'em, seven, I was on the toilet. It goes through me like that. I don't, like, I can't tell you the last thing I probably had with cow's milk in it because I know that's the response. And I just kind of was like, "You know what? "I've got time to spare, so if there is a diarrhea blowout,

If I coat this airport lounge bathroom in orange spray, first of all, I have time to be escorted out in handcuffs and still make my flight. And second of all, you know, I bring baby wipes with me. I'm a prepared adult. I always have a MacBook charger, a tube of chapstick, and some baby wipes because you never know what the day's going to throw at you. I'm in that bathroom and I'm like, all right, 45 minutes to board. This is going to take me about 40 minutes to clear out of the tubes.

And so I'm in there and I am not joking. I hunkered down like I was on fucking Apollo 11, dude. What's the one that exploded? Probably, probably Apollo 13. That's unlucky number, dude. Seventh crewed mission in the Apollo space program and the third meant to land on the moon. Apollo 13 crash? Disaster. Seventh crewed. Yep. Already knew that. Hardship caused by limited. Ooh. Critical need to adapt. What's the, what is,

Is the Apollo that exploded. Apollo 13 was NASA's third moon landing mission. Can I talk? Apollo 13 was NASA's third moon landing mission, but the astronauts never made it to the lunar surface. During the mission's dramatic series of events, an oxygen tank explosion almost 56 hours into the flight forced the crew to abandon all thoughts of reaching the moon. Okay, this isn't the one I'm thinking of.

Apollo 1. The first fatal accident in the history of U.S. spaceflight occurred on January 27, 1967, during preparations for the first manned mission of the Apollo space program. This is when a fire broke out in the command module of Apollo 204 during a simulated launch. All the astronauts died of asphyxiation. What is the one I'm thinking of? Challenger.

On the bitterly cold morning of January 28th, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger broke apart 73 seconds after its launch from Cape Canaveral, crashing into the Atlantic Ocean from an altitude of some 50,000 feet. All seven astronauts aboard were killed, including Krista McAuliffe.

A high school teacher who had been selected as part of a national teacher in space initiative. God, that's so sad. I remember learning about this in school. This was so sad. An investigation later found that NASA had known that extreme cold temperatures could result in damage to the spacecraft's rubber O-rings, which separated its rocket boosters and prevented fuel leaks, but elected to go ahead with the launch anyway.

prompting widespread outrage and the temporary suspension of the space shuttle program. Damn. Okay, so Apollo 13 was not fatal. Apollo 13 fatalities? Apollo 13 what happened? The mission was aborted after rupture of service module oxygen tank. It was classified as a successful failure because of the experience gained in rescuing the crew. The mission spent upper stage successfully impacted the moon.

Damn. So everyone survived. Period. Now, to relate this back to suddenly this feels like a doomed story. I'm not going to finish it. Trying to relate like a failed NASA mission where there were fatalities to me shitting my pants in the airport lounge bathroom. I'm going to go ahead and stop while I'm ahead. I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to I'm going to nix that one. Okay.

That one is going to be a never mind. Back to my lactose intolerance. Yeah, I blew it up before I went on the plane. So I did not impact everyone who was riding with me on said airplane.

Now, speaking of NASA, actually, this is a great segue into what I wanted to talk about. Fantastic news coming from the research and development front in Broski Nation. Hope everyone is sat, hands off the wheel, and pencil in hand, legal pad on the lap. Now, please put on the automated driving feature in your car. If you do not have one, invest in one. Because I need full attention on what I'm about to say. I need attention.

Absolutely eyes closed listening ears on one two three eyes on me If you can hear me clap twice if you can hear me clap three times if you can hear me sing Did you do it? Okay now that I have everyone's attention Thank you for gathering here today some major updates on like I said the expansion front, okay? incredible news

Broski Nation is expanding into space. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, guys. This has been years. Seriously, guys, stop. Thank you so much. This has been years in development. We have put every ounce of our resources, our money, our tax paying dollars, our taxpayers' dollars into funding this mission. Do we have clean water still? No.

Okay, do we have enough food to feed our people? No. Is the economy in disrepair and collapse? Yes, it is. But we are making strides not only for the betterment of Broski Nation, for the betterment of humanity. Can I get some claps? Now, a few of you will be selected to be shot out into space.

And I feel the need to warn you up front, we do not have proper safety protocols. What was to be learned from the Apollo missions? How to rescue a crew. We did not have access to the NASA files. They were not declassified until years after we started this program. You know, America, we set foot on the moon in 1969. Ruski Nation, we did that in the 40s. We had access to some really...

Highly classified tech and intel that we later leaked to you know the Russians the Americans and You know am I American yeah, but broski nation. It's sort of like a Vatican City sort of thing Vatican City Exists and operates and has its own jurisdiction within the city of Rome okay the papal the the papal seat Walmart place

♪♪♪

Start a show together with your included Paramount Plus subscription. Walmart Plus members save on this plus so much more. Start a 30-day free trial at WalmartPlus.com. Paramount Plus is central plan only. Separate registration required. See Walmart Plus terms and conditions. And did you know that there's a Popemobile? You guys know about the Popemobile? This is the Popemobile. When the Pope is paraded through the city, they go ahead and put him in the back of this pickup truck.

that is bulletproof glass, and I would like to think, you know, in an alternate reality, that this chair is like the chair that Nickelback describes in the song Rockstar. The, um, and a big black chair with a bathroom in it. That's what this is. It's got a sort of commode in the bottom of it. A toilet. A turlet. The Pulp Mobile has a leather recliner with a massage chair and a turlet in the bottom.

The Pope gets up and it's a big brown stain on his white robes. Okay, that feels kind of sacrilege. I'm going to go ahead and leave that one there as well. No more, guys, we're not doing skid mark jokes about the Pope. We're not doing skiddy jokes. Those are low-hanging fruit. Do not laugh at that. Imagine this is like an F-150. I mean, that's a dead-ass truck that they put. Is that George Bush? Pope Francis debuts new Hyundai version of Popemobile. Oh.

Shout out the Koreans. Shout out Hyundai. For real. Last night I enjoyed a nice bulgogi kimbap. Speaking of Korea, shout out to my Koreans. And shout out 2NE1 and Girls' Generation. Love you guys. Hope you're doing well. And I sent my friend Christelle a text in Korean because I downloaded the Korean keyboard. And I said, I'm eating kimbap and... How do you say it? Tteokbokki? Tteokbokki?

It's the soup with the rice cakes in it and like fish cakes. It was so delicious. And I texted her and I said, I'm eating kimbap and tteokbokki and I miss you. And I sent it in Korean and she responded, what the fuck LMFAO? I miss you too. Anyway. Okay. Popemobile. So I'm imagining this is like a lifted, it's a lifted F-150 that's got those really fucking bright headlights. Like the B it's like,

LED beam headlights that alternate colors and it's got a big American flag on the front and it's lifted and jacked and it's got those LED strip lights under it too. And then in the back, of course, is Papa. Okay, we got Papa Francesca, Pope Francis.

Anyway, back to the news at hand. Yes, guys, guys, space. It is possible. We have been in space, like I said, 20 years before the American space research, NASA, National, NASA stands for National Aeronautics and Space Administration. We started on 1958. Yeah, well, ours was started in 1957. I mean, 1945.

ours started in the 40s so nato north atlantic treaty organization yeah well broski nation or atlantic treaty organization we actually have the broski nation pacific organization have y'all seen that clip of hamza and martin martin was oh my god okay this is for the chronically online girls and i know that probably majority of y'all during the pandemic chase rutherford hayley sharp uh claire uh

Who else was in it? Hamza. Martin was in it. I think it was the four of them. I forget what their frigging little, they used to go live on Zoom or they used to do Zoom calls or whatever. And fans would clip it and put it on TikTok. It was like a thing during the pandemic. Okay. Hamza was part of that. And then I didn't realize he was Canadian. And so was Martin, that kid, Martin, that Martin kid.

I've loved them for years, okay? They now are a duo called Slushy Noobs. I've talked about them on YouTube before. I fucking love them. They make me giggle like no other. And there is this clip of Martin and Hamza doing a side-by-side draw my life where Hamza's like, and then my family immigrated and it was hard and we had no money and my uncle got deported and da-da-da. And Martin goes, yeah, well, my dog died. Well, my dog died, so...

Stupid, I love them. Okay, so just to recap the last few Google searches I've done, NASA stands for Hyundai Korea, Popemobile, Apollo 13, what happened? What is an enzyme? What is the Scoville scale? Okay, now back to the matter at hand. I have put a down payment on a spaceport.

Once again, with your tax paying dollars. Thank you, Broski Nation, is what I came here today. Let's give this globe a nice little spin, okay? Our blast off point will be from, boom, you guessed it, Silicon Valley, California, okay? Actually, where's somewhere that doesn't exist?

Yeah, this whole area up here, like a Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, we're going to be blasting off from there in case there are any fatalities for, you know, whoever I end up putting on these missions, whoever the lucky volunteers that are volunteering to be shot into space. Shout out you guys. In case there are some fatalities, which, you know, we have a lot of funding for this program, but not a lot of safety protocols. We're going to be blasting off from there. So if we decimate the land, it's just going to, we'll evacuate the bison and the buffalo out of the area because they are endangered. I'm pretty sure. Are bison endangered?

endangered, not extinct. While bison are no longer threatened with extinction, the species faces other challenges. The loss of genetic diversity, combined with the loss of natural selection forces, threatens the ecological restoration of bison as wildlife. A low level of cattle gene introgression is prevalent in most, if not all, bison herds. I knew that. Bisons are eight feet tall? God damn! Bison next to a human. Oh, those are extinct.

Size comparison of an adult human to the giant extinct bison latifrons which lived in North America. Oh my god. So now we just got these tiny pussy ones? Oh my god, if I ever saw a bison in real life, I'd literally shit down my leg. That is so scary. You know what's scarier than bison, dude? Moose! Oh my god. Meese. Meese next to a human. Meese. Oh my god. I hate moose. They're so big.

Leave bro alone. They're 10 feet tall. What are you talking about? That is so- No. Human deer elk moose. How an elk's cry pierces the gentle morning. Meese. Okay, shout out to moose. I'm gonna leave y'all alone. If there's moose in that area, we'll move the detonation site, okay? Oppenheimer Broski Nation edition. Okay, like I was saying-

I've put a down payment on a space portal. Soon, coming soon, more Broski Nation merch drops and a space portal. Okay, we're getting the fuck out of here guys. Things are not looking good. They're not looking good and I'd like to offer an escape. I'd like to offer a way out. All you have to do is volunteer to be shot into space. Okay, we need somebody to build it. We need somebody to build it.

My hands look like this, so yours can look like that, okay? But you zoom in and it's like one of those really HD SpongeBob, SpongeBob paintings. And my hands are like blood caked mud under my nails, just like leathery sunspots. That's me building the space portal for you guys. I do need volunteers though. I can't do it all by me lonesome, can I? I can't do it all by me lonesome.

So those are two major updates on the expansion front, Broski Nation. We ran out of space on Earth. We have depleted all the resources. No clean water, no more food. GMOs are out of control. I was in London recently. Apples are this big. American apples fit in the literal, like, in your hand way too big. English chickens...

I could eat a whole one by myself. They're the size of your hand. American chickens, big, girthy. Okay? Those are chickens, an American chicken's legs are the size of like a small dog.

like meaty, veiny, muscly, like protein powder. Okay, the American chickens take pre-workout before you eat them. That's what it feels like. Like when you see a rotisserie chicken at Publix, at Ralph's, at Kroger, Walmart even,

Damn, that hole has been pumped. She's got a pump going. An English hen? Oh my god, it is the smallest, most delicate. That is just satisfying enough. Thank you so much for this lovely meal. Thank you so much for this lovely meal. Really, how did you prepare such a lovely thing? Oh, it's just enough. I'm quite satiated, really. Maybe just a small little treat before I go off to bed.

"I'll just have a cup of tea." Okay? An American chicken is like, "Gwaww, gaww." You eat a fourth of it and you're like, "Fucking Christ, I'm full. "Another!" It's just truly like, we live in a food desert and I always forget that until I come back here. Every time I go to Europe, I'm like, "God,

No wonder we are all in our WALL-E chairs. I've talked about that ad nauseum on this podcast. We are the fat whiteys from WALL-E in our little chairs, in our big chairs, with our iPhones right here in front of our, with our big 7-Eleven slurpy cups. I'm hungry.

And a fucking holographic meatloaf appears next to us. Watching our shows. Our fat little toes. Bed sores all on our back and our little levitating chairs. My God. Loki would hit though. Okay. We're almost there. We're approaching WALL-E territory when it comes to meta AI. I don't know, dude. Anyway.

Broski nation we're entering space. So if you guys are interested in joining the Space Force Be in SF broski nation Space Force. Let me know we're looking for qualified members to draft Okay, you have to be honestly all you have to be is willing And we'll shoot you out into space if you've had enough guys comment down below. We'll shoot you out into space. I

Speaking of space, I was at the airport recently because I was coming back to LA from being in London for like two or three days. I was shooting something. It was a commercial. I was flying back and I was in the international terminal, which is the nicest terminal because I don't know if that's the way the case with like every airport.

major international airport, but like the international terminal in an LAX is like rich, fancy. There's like gorgeous, huge art hanging. It's the tallest ceilings you could ever imagine. Everything's new and pristine and clean. And then the other ones are like, you want a water fountain? It's brown. You're like, free water. And you touch it, it's brown water. Fuck!

There's one restaurant and it's like some NASA, it's like Jersey Mike's, but there's one poor employee working back there. They haven't gotten a food delivery in three days. You're like, could I have the chicken and lettuce? Out of chicken, out of lettuce. I'll just have bread with mustard, I guess. That'll be $28. Thank you. Could I have a Diet Coke as well? Anyway, the international terminal is

It's so nice. And I'm sitting there waiting for my bag, okay? And we're around the big baggage claim thing. And it's so...

Like, just clean. And every time they would make an announcement, they'd be like, Thank you so much for flying into LAX. We're happy to have you. If you're coming in from Auckland, New Zealand, your bags will be on baggage claim six. Thank you. It's like the most nice whatever. There's like so many different people running around, like so many different languages and whatever. It's just such a cool, chaotic experience. I was standing there waiting for my bag. And I was like,

You know what? This is kind of like Star Wars. Okay, it's like they made Star Wars real fucking life. What? What? I was sitting there waiting for it and I was like hearing languages I don't understand and they were announcing this shit and everything's so new and futuristic looking and I was like, okay, this is literally Star Wars.

This is like if Mandalorian was flying from Tatooine to freakin Naboo and they had to go on a space shuttle check your bag. Like I stood there.

I was traveling alone, just waiting for my bag. And I was like, I thought that. I was like, this feels like getting on the Star Tours ride at Disneyland. And I was like, yeah, it does. And then I had to zoom out for a second and be like, you're so fucking stupid, bitch. It's just called air travel. It's just called getting on a plane. Star Wars isn't real. I was like, this is just like if they made Star Wars in real life. Hmm, idiot. There's that scene from, I think it's Andor,

I need to rewatch Andor, by the way, because Andor season two comes out soon. Yeah. And The Acolyte, bitch. The new Star Wars series, The Acolyte comes out soon. So excited. And House of the Dragon season two. Big, big summer for annoying people. Big summer for annoying sci-fi fantasy girls. Okay. What the fuck is I talking about?

This is just horrid every time I do this. What was I talking? There is, here we go. There's a scene in Andor, I believe, where, or is it Mando? No, it might be Mandalorian. Like the sort of end of Mandalorian season three when he's not even in one of those episodes pissed me off.

And they're traveling and they make them go through those, it's like metal detectors and you can only have a certain type of weapon on the shuttle transport. Oh, I think it was the Mandalorian. And so Mando boards this shuttle transport thing, I guess to go from planet to planet, and he's...

He has the Beskar armor that he had the armorer make for Grogu to protect. You know, like even if Mando can't see him, he will be protected. He still knows that Mando cares about him, whatever, because he was like a father to him. OK, and he's sitting there and he's looking out the window and another little shuttle goes by and it's a kid with a parent or something like that. And so it's cute. It's sort of, you know, foreshadowing of the decision that Grogu will make in the future. OK, all that to be said.

You don't really get to see that stuff in the miniseries. Like, that's mainly in, I want to say, you know, the main movies where you get to see the sort of world-building elements of, like, the droids that bring the coffee and food or...

automated things like that of space travel or wherever. I love all that shit. And that's what I love about Galaxy's Edge and Disneyland and Star Tours in Disneyland and Disney World, where when you are walking through the waiting area to get on the ride, it's all that. It's the droid, like, make sure your carry-on's no larger than this. And then the departures and arrivals are all in like basic or whatever it's called. It's like it.

in alien language, bro, and I loved it. Anyway, love all that. So I was at LAX thinking about that, that this is just like Star Wars if it was real, except it's just, I'm at LAX and I flew British Airways. Okay, two completely separate things that I need to talk about that I have absolutely no segue into or out of. Okay, I'm just gonna sort of check them off my list. Songs of the week. I may appear chipper right now, okay? I had a lavender vanilla latte. It's running through my veins, coursing through my veins.

I have been in what some might call a quasi-depressive state recently. I don't know if it's the fucking weather or the season. Usually, like, it's common for a lot of people to be depressed or experience depressive symptoms during the wintertime. And, like, April is when things really turn around. I don't know what the fuck was going on in April, dude. April was, like,

War of the Worlds, Planet of the Apes, War of the Worlds in my mind. Just every day, waking to sundown, just, I don't, just planes crashing. There's a rebellion, and then there was like a global, there was an Orient and a rebellion in my mind. Just every day, I was just,

I don't know. It's just a struggle. And I'm still in it. And I don't really know how to curb it or quell it. You know, it's like at a certain point, this is my job. I need to get on the camera, turn it on, whatever. Like I can do that. But I don't know what was in the fucking air for April, dude. I had a panic attack. I haven't had a panic attack in so long. It was horrible. I had a panic attack so bad I had to listen to jazz. Listen to bossa nova, dude. When you have a panic attack so bad, you got to throw on that Brazilian bossa nova playlist. Holy shit. Horrid.

Anyway, I've been kind of going through it in a lot of different regards. And the psychics on TikTok, I think, need to be drawn and quartered because I'm over it, quite frankly, dude. That shit is more damaging to my mental health, the state of my mental health, than not going, than like, because it feeds the delusion at a certain point. That's why a really good friend is a friend that will sit you down and be like,

They're not an enabler. Okay. They're going to call you out when you need to be called out. When some behavior you're exhibiting is damaging or maybe it's not healthy or maybe you're spending too much time obsessing over something. And there's a gentle way to approach a friend when they're going through something like that versus a friend that's just like, yeah, girl, exactly. Yes, exactly. No, like, yes. I don't need that. I want a friend that's going to sit me down and be like, you need to fucking wake up, girl.

I have a friend that I'm embarrassed to tell something to. That's the best friend you could have because it's this sort of moral guidepost in your brain that's like, if so-and-so would not like to hear that from me, then maybe I shouldn't be doing it. Maybe I shouldn't be talking to this person. Maybe I shouldn't. You know what I mean? It's like,

Let your friends be the moral guidepost when you can't be it for yourself because we all have weekdays and we all have struggle bus moments and like I have friends like that where I'm like, God, they would be so mad at me if they knew I was talking to this dude again. Anyway, all that to say, Ethel Kane is going to be all three songs that I have to share with you this week specifically. The M.O. has been as of the last, I don't know, four fucking weeks,

I've been traveling nonstop. Like I'm finally back home. That's why I logged a bunch of episodes because I had to be gone for three weeks straight. And like, there's something also that's just sad about not laying in your own bed. You know, like I try to travel with things that are comfortable to me that make me, that are comforting, you know, but I don't know. It sucks. It's hard not being, I'm such a homebody. Like I have to be in my bed surrounded by my things with my ambient noises and my snacks and my whatever, but,

And so being gone for that long, it's like, I can do it because it's work and it's fun and I love my job, but I just miss my house. So anyway.

The MO as of late has been ambient rain and fire noises on the TV, crackling fire, sort of rain outside. I like the YouTube ones that have a lot of plants in them where it's like a bedroom with a crackling fire and plants and like cozy. You know, you throw that up there. On my little Google Mini or in my headphones, I'll of course put on Ethel Kane, the songs I'm about to say. I travel with my own blankie. I got half my own blankie. I'm 27.

At a certain point, when do you ask for help? And then I've been playing Cake Sort. Again, I'm not sponsored by Cake Sort, dude. I just, I've spent upwards of, like I said, $150. $150 on this fucking game. You know that TikTok of the old woman that's like, I've never told anyone this in my life.

In 2018, during a depressive manic episode, I spent $900 on Candy Crush or whatever she said. That's dead ass me. Cake sort some days is the only thing that keeps me on my feet. Like I'm not joking when I say that. And I turned my best friend Taylor onto it too. She's been going through a hard time as well. And she goes, at least I've got cake sort to get me through it. Don't be, I don't know what it is. I love that game.

I've been playing cake sort, Ethel Kane, ambient music, comfortable blanket, ice water by the bed. And I've been reading my book. All those combined, it's like, God, maybe things will be okay. Hey, maybe things will be okay. Okay, so all that being said, here are the songs. And I found this playlist on Spotify, which is so tea, that's called Ethel Kane Songs in Order. Let me find it. Ethel Kane Songs from Least to Most Disturbing.

And so the least disturbing is Crush, an American teenager. And then it ends with one of my songs, Head in the Wall, Hard Times, and August Underground, which I fucking love Ethel Kane, dude. I love her. And that's part of the appeal is like, that's the art, bitch. It's disturbing. Art comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable. I reblogged the fuck out of that on Tumblr.

I was like, God, it's so true. Me after looking at a Jeff Koontz piece. God, that is so true. And if you don't know Jeff Koontz,

This is going to be him. It's the giant metallic balloon dogs. He makes balloon animals. He doesn't even make them. Okay. I don't even know if they're his brainchild ideas. It's just his name slapped on it. Jeff Koons is the epitome of like rich people, tax fraud art. Like this is not real art. You know, that's a conversation for maybe a different time. There's a lot of think pieces on YouTube about his Jeff Koons art ideas.

Or is this just a facade, like an almost mattress firm laundering money front for rich people? Anyway, I saw this shit though in high school and I was like, this represents when you look at in the metallic, you look at yourself and we're all just kids playing. Our hands are too small to play with the earth because it's so big. Seriously, guys.

Yeah, dude, these songs are like really fucking disturbing. I'm not going to lie to you, but like work diva. She's also performing at the Greek this summer and I'm going to show up in a nun costume and levitate above the crowd. I'm going to show up and be performing exorcisms for free.

Actually, not for free. I'm going to have my Venmo there and I'm going to be like, I'm going to set up a booth at the Greek. If you need an exorcism, if you need a reading, if you need a cleansing, drop five bucks in my Venmo. Guys, five bucks in the Venmo. It goes, oops, just bumped my mic, goes towards space travel. Five bucks in the exorcism Venmo. It's going right towards the space funding project.

fund your funding space travel. Broski nation, we're putting a Popeyes on the moon. Let's get those monies in the Venmo. Let's get those USDs in the VNMO. What is a nun's costume called? Habit? What does a nun wear? The traditional habit. Three pieces are consistently worn. A tunic, a belt, and a veil.

The habit of some Dominican sisters consists of a tunic, belt, scapular, veil, rosary, and on formal occasions, a capa, a mantle. What's a nun's hat called? Wimple? Y'all could not have chosen a worse name! Known as a nun's hat or wimple. To be even more exact, the cornet. Stop, wimple. I like your wimple. Hello, sister, I like your wimple. Kind of goes crazy.

Yeah, I like these little lobster-eating bibs they got on, too. They're real cute, too. They got the dickies on under the dress. The dickies fake turtlenecks that you can put on so you don't sweat. And then they got the lobster-eating, the crawfish bibs. Okay? Me when I show up to Red Lobster with my own crawfish and lobster-eating bib. But it's just a nun's habit. Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. If you're Catholic, if you're a sister, sorry.

And to the Pope, sorry. So I can't make lifted F-150 jokes about the Popemobile and say that sisters were a lobster bib? So like, I guess comedy's dead. Oh, so I can't say that sisters have a built-in lobster bib. Is Red Lobster going out of business? Red Lobster out of business? Red Lobster considers filing for bankruptcy. God, this nation's in the shitter. God, this nation's in the shitter, I'm serious.

This is the calm before the storm. You try to shut down Red Lobster, you try to rid me and mine of cheesy cheddar biscuits, war. War is coming. We're gonna storm. January 6th storm the Capitol, we're storming Red Lobster HQ. Give me the recipe for the cheddar biscuits! I know they sell them in stores. They never hit the same way they do when you're actually at that table and they bring them out in that little, with the cloth over it.

Oh, sweet God. Red Lobster, if you can hear me. Red Lobster, if you can hear me, send 30. Red Lobster, if you can hear me, send 15 king crab legs and some cheddar biscuits to my house. Amen. Red Lobster, if you can hear me, please. Okay, Ethel Kane songs. Number one is God's Country. I don't know who the fuck is on this song. And I don't know if he's problematic either. But let's look it up. God's Country, Ethel Kane. I love his voice. It freaks me out.

Wicca Faze Springs Eternal. Who the fuck is that? Wicca... Wicca what? Faze Springs Eternal. Oh, he's kind of hot? Fuck. 35 years old. His name is Adam. He's an American musician from Pennsylvania. Beginning his career as a member of the rock band Tiger's Jaw, he soon began pursuing a solo career with a sound base in hip-hop, emo, and witch house. That sounds sick as fuck. What is witch house, dude?

Springs Eternal, problematic. Oh, here we go. R slash Ethel Kane. Damn. I've been seeing a lot of negative. Okay, this is a post on Reddit. Oh, we're in the bowels of this shit now. I've just been seeing a lot of negative discourse about him and his verse on God's country lately. I've seen people literally say this is one of the worst features of all time, and I think that's just so unwarranted. Yeah, agreed. It's not a bad verse. I actually like it. He stays on theme throughout the song, and he did a beautiful job lyrically. Yeah, what's the hate?

WPSE song recommendation for the Daughters of Cain, Suffer On. Yeah, let's add that one to the library. Suffer On. Eternal. What's his name? Wicca Faye Springs Eternal. Where did it go? I'll give that a listen and see what's going on here. What is Witch House? What do we think Witch House is? We gotta get into that. I can't stand his voice. The verse itself is fine. I just find his voice whiny. Oh!

That's fine and all, but his voice is grating to me. The weird accent he sings in, I just can't listen. I love his verse. I don't understand the hate. Favorite artist of all time. Girl, Reddit is such a fucking... This is the scary thing about the internet, is you can find any, any website, any opinion can be backed up by something you see online. And that does not mean that there's validity to it. It doesn't mean that it's correct. It doesn't mean that it's true.

But you can find anything to substantiate a claim that you make and that is the scary part of the internet and it's why I fucking hate arguing with my mom about politics. It's because you and I are on two completely separate planets where you are unable, for the most part, to differentiate between what is true and what is false. And I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, but I've been on the internet longer. I've been on the internet longer in a more meaningful and engaging way.

Because by default, yes, my mom is older and she was on the internet before I was born because it was in the late 90s. But it's in a different way than how I grew up with a device in my hand and an account when I was in the sixth grade for every social media that was available. It's different. I've been exposed to more. And you know what the true test is? Is like if you were to pull up an AI video of Tom Cruise saying some shit, I can tell it's AI. I don't know if my parents could.

because I've been on the internet long enough. But even then, on TikTok, we're always like, is this song AI? Is this a leak? Is this a demo? Is this whatever? Even it gets us. I'm not saying that I'm immune to misinformation. I'm just saying I'm primed more to seek it out. Anyway, confirmation bias is what I'm talking about. Like shit like this is, if you have an opinion, you can find someone to back you up online. Doesn't mean you're right. And when it comes to music, obviously I'm talking about, it's completely different because this is all opinion based. Like the...

Original posters saying that they're not annoyed and then all the comments are like I am annoyed and then some are like no actually this sounds good just shut the fuck up. I like how he sings. I'm into that because the tone of the song is so sad and like like lamenting almost.

Okay, God's Country by Ethel Kane, number one. Michelle Pfeiffer by Ethel Kane, number two. And Head in the Wall by Ethel Kane, number three. Now, Head in the Wall is going to be pretty down there on that list of disturbing Ethel Kane songs. Let's go ahead and go through the words. I've just been kind of feeling like this lately.

If you know what I mean. I put on my Instagram story the other day, like, you get it or you don't. You get it and understand it on an intrinsic cellular atomic level or you don't. I cannot attempt to explain how this song makes me feel and how. It's just, it's sort of like the Lana fan base. Like, you get Lana or you don't.

Sorry, I really don't know how to put it into words. You understand the art and what it's going for and the aesthetic and the cultural perspective that the artist sings and pulls from, or you don't. You know, or you listen to it topically and all you hear is the melody and you're like, ah, this sounds kind of monotonous or monotone, whatever, and you move on. Or you take it at a subcutaneous level

level of understanding and you enjoy it and interpret it through that means through that level of understanding and that's kind of where I'm at it opens up with sometimes you make me want to put my fucking head through the wall I hold my head underwater just to drown out the noise it's always my fault girls will be bitches and boys will be boys I know I don't need you but I'm terrified of letting you go

How am I supposed to feel good about myself when everything I do is wrong? When I'm just an ugly bitch, a fucking freak, and I don't want to go on, and I don't want to leave my house. Damn. There's no escaping you now. I'm going to die all alone next to you in this piece of shit town. And we've been cursed since the start. Jesus didn't want us. And you take all of your sins out on my body like everyone else does. God. And the end of this song...

And fuck the cops and fuck God and fuck this town for ruining us. And they'll put holes in all we own and in our heads pumped full of lead. Jesus. You always told me I could only leave you once we're both dead. Sometimes you make me want to put my fucking head through the wall. Jesus Christ. I just gotta chill. Chill through my body. Like, she's so... It's like...

You have to be in the mood to listen to Ethel Kane. It is heavy. It's heavy, dude. Type shit I've been on though. You know what I mean? This is what I've been on as of late. Golden Age by Ethel Kane. God damn. 30 minute long EP changed me. Changed me as a woman. Obviously love, like Preacher's Daughter is so good. Inbred's good. Golden Age, I've just been bumping Golden Age recently. Okay. Like I said, I will be seeing Mother.

The Daughters of Cain will be having a meeting at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles, and I will be in a nun habit with a lobster bib on, levitating above the crowd, nailed to a cross. So I'm showing up. I'm parking across the street, taking a shuttle.

Actually, the Greek theater is the one that's up in Griffith Park, which there's no service. There's no room. It's like in the middle of a neighborhood and like a major almost national park. There's no parking, no cell service. It's up on a hill. It's a clusterfuck nightmare. And to get an Uber, you have to walk like a mile and a half down this hill to this really crowded intersection. So you walk even further. It's a whole thing. But I'm going to show up. Okay, I'm showing up in a nun outfit.

and stilettos okay guys i think that might do it for me seriously yeah those are my three songs we'll give them a listen and next time we're gonna get into finaf lore because i meant to do that this episode i don't know what the fuck i was talking about i talked about ethel kane and star wars and i guess uh crashing apollo missions so i love you guys if you don't have your broski nation uniform which is just the broski report merch for now okay

Go get that, broski.shop. It is always available if you want it. Hoodie, sweatshirt, t-shirt. New drops coming later this year. Okay. Moo moos. Yeah, moo moos. And we're making... Okay, don't tell anyone. We're making actual Broski Nation military garb. Thank you.

I love it. Y'all are going to fucking die when you see it. It's hilarious. I'm so excited to show you what we've been making. Okay. That's coming later this year, probably later this summer. Okay, guys, I love you. Subscribe to this channel. I post weekly YouTube videos. Go check that shit out. If you're listening on audio only, there's a YouTube video. Go check that shit out. We also have a TikTok. We have an Instagram. Go do what you need to do.

I'm also going to put in the description of this video and every episode moving forward a link to register to vote. If you are a new voter, if you have never taken the time to register to vote, if you've been afraid of the process, or if you're just fucking lazy,

Now is the year. The time has come. We're no longer accepting laziness and not participating in a national election. You are part of the problem if you are not voting. So I'm going to make it easy for you and I'm going to put some links in the description for some great websites like Headcount, Rock the Vote that will really help you get registered. It's very simple. And yeah, love you guys. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.