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Price after $10 monthly bill credit while you maintain a nationally available postpaid voice line. Qualifying credit required. Regulatory fees included for qualified accounts. Plus $5 per month without auto pay. Debit or bank account required. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Reporting to you live from the Broski Nation headquarters, a message urgent and imminent from your Supreme Leader. It reads as follows.
Hello everyone in Broski Nation. Today I have a red alert. I come to you head in hand. I come to you vulnerable and with a sorrowful message. And that message is, I've given up. If you're looking for a sign, this is it. Give up.
Dude, I'm at my wits fucking end, dude. Happy Tuesday, guys, or whenever you're listening to this. I appreciate you. First of all, let me just go ahead and throw that out there. Second of all, I've given up. I've decided that I've doctor estranged in my mind and I've looked at all possible possibilities. Okay, I've gone through every fucking alternative timeline. And the only one that I'm kind of settling on landing on that makes logical sense is to give up.
Now, how did I land on this? Funny you should ask. Funny you should ask, actually. It's a funny story. Yeah. I'm just over it, dude. I'm, for real, I can't do this anymore. I'm giving up on entertaining romantic relationships of any sort of nature. If you are not...
borderline berating me, to shower me with affection and quality time and to hear me and see me as a human being, I really hope that you die. I hope that the worst things happen to you, truly, as a man, if you're pursuing a woman and
You are attracted to women, but you do not like women. There is a difference Do you feel seen and heard by the person that is showing interest in you? The answer is gonna be no. Maybe you should give up. I've had it officially and I refuse to settle. Okay, we're 27 years deep damn near I turned 27 in a month We're damn near 27 years deep
And I'm laid up in bed watching grown-ups playing Cake Sort on my iPhone with ambient rain noises in the background as I play with my stem toy and eat chocolate berries. Now, that actually, in an alternative dimension, seems like the perfect life. However, deep down, buried inside, almost like a crystal within a geode, a crystal buried in a stone, okay?
is a deep-seated, insatiable yearning. The yearning has yet to be quelled, it has yet to be quenched, has yet to be thwarted, okay? Add all those to your daily vocabulary. Those are great words. Thwart, add thwart to your daily vocab. Thwart definition. Prevent someone from accomplishing something from one side to another. Okay, that's not what I meant. A structural cross piece of a, right. Okay, so thwart definition, verb.
prevent someone from accomplishing something. Okay, yeah, exactly. Just stop, okay? I lay in my bed. I watch my silly Adam Sandler movies, okay? Maybe Sherlock Holmes, RDJ version. And I lay there and I think, what a beautiful life I built for myself. Okay, here are the two, inside of you are two wolves. One is incredibly content with life, overjoyed, beautiful, bountiful, warm friendships, okay?
I live an extremely comfortable life. I have so much to be grateful for. Now, the other wolf is feral, mangy. It has rabies. It's not off its own leg. It's actually a jackal, okay? Inside of you are two animals. One's a jackal and one is a furry wolf. Now, the jackal is so horny. The jackal is so horny that it's subscribed to its Celebrity Crushes Only fans, okay? That's the jackal inside of me.
It is so horny that it has begun to chew on itself and pick at itself and eat the bugs off of its own skin because it cannot contain that sort of physical... Tweaker SpongeBob. Can we play Tweaker SpongeBob? What in blazes are you doing? That's it, boy. You're done for the day. That's me, dude. Okay? Inside of you is the jackal, Tweaker SpongeBob, and a wolf that's a furry. Okay? Okay?
am constantly at war in my own mind of you do not need to be romantically pursued to be validated, right? This is constantly something that I am trying to prove to myself and I have before. That is a truth. It's an inherent truth. As a woman, you do not anything, you do not need anything else to make you whole. You are whole, fully with yourself.
but on the hierarchy of needs, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, James Maslow's, James Maslow. He is from Big Time Rush. Okay, here we go. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. When James Maslow was sat in that writer's studio and they were doing, uh-oh, and then he said, guys, I need to take a second. I need to go over into this corner. I need to think about some things long and hard. And he came up with this little ditty.
Physiological needs, that's gonna be the bottom of the pyramid, okay? Air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction, animalistic, okay? Next up, safety needs, personal security, employment, resources, health, property. Okay, we're moving up. Love and belonging.
Friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection. That's where I've kind of, traffic has stopped there, okay? We're in standstill bumper to bumper traffic. I'm set, 10 and two. I'm stuck right here. I'm stuck in this yellow zone of love and belonging, okay? Everything above that, we're good to go. Above that, we've got esteem, respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength, freedom. Got all that. All that's on lock. All that is check off.
Top of the pyramid, of course, we all know, self-actualization, right? Desire to become the most that one can be. Got that on lock, okay? Done, check it. Now, again, we're going to go back to this third sort of yellow level here. I'm in bumper-to-bumper traffic. What?
is the point, and why should you keep pursuing that if I've already kind of knocked off the top two layers of James Maslow's hierarchy of needs? I don't really see a reason to go back to the third, but yet here I am. I'm stuck on it. Pin the tail, pin the donkey tail on James Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and here I am on the third tier. Okay,
If joining a nunnery is not a viable option, you know, a viable sort of exit path through this predicament I find myself in, I fear I might have to commit myself to a facility. I'm just, I'm done, dude. Or at least, you know, have a caretaker wheel me to the cliff's edge. And just one last time before I give up for real, just have the ocean spray mist my face.
Have it curl and kink my hair so that I may feel alive one more time before I fucking give up and they whisk me away to a facility for real. I'm just over it. I'm just so tired of constantly being disappointed and worried about, you know, never finding the one or finding someone, but then you realize quickly that you need a little more and...
You should never have to beg someone to act right if they're not acting right. You know that's not your person. Anyway, that's all the sort of, you know, there's a certain level of disappointment and horniness that you can reach that is, it's got you contemplating Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And that's kind of where I'm at. In other news, I discovered that
Isn't L'Oreal? Someone makes one of those sprays for mature women to cover grays on their head when they get gray hairs. I have discovered it and I use it because I'm bald, okay? Because I'm balding. I have hair extensions. I have tape-ins. And I can't put my hair up like this without the tape-in showing. And so I've started using that and it covers the bald spot on the top of my head. Bitch, we...
learning the beauty secrets. I know everyone in the comments is going to be like, you don't do that. I've been doing that. Or you can use eyeshadow on your hairline. Okay. Okay. And I just discovered it. Sometimes my house makes noises and I live alone, you know, as you do. And I just kind of let it be.
Not my problem. Not my business, okay? If there's ghosts, if the house is making noises, it's really none of my business, guys. You guys, you were here first. You know what I mean? Just go ahead and do your thing. Love you guys. Seriously, can I get you anything? Water? A snag? Okay, love you guys. Dude, you're crazy. You're fucking crazy. Okay, moving on. Yeah, so I sprayed that root spray in my hair and it did the job. I had the mirror literally like a commercial. I said, wow. Oh.
Wow. Okay. I'm sort of in the vein of just, I'm giving up. I'm rejecting everything. I'm so over it at my wits end. I'm rejecting everything about modern day beauty. I have decided that I have the face of a 1920s silent actress, okay? Silent film actress. I got a big, a lot of, you see those TikTok videos where people are like,
Where is the weight concentrated on your face? That's where we do the filler. That's where we do injections, you see. Now, if there was a lot of weight at the bottom of the face, you'd go ahead and scrape off some of this, you know, buckle fat. First of all, delete your account. Second of all, I have a lot of visible facial weight sort of in this area, top of my head. Got a lot in the forehead region. Got a lot on my mind. And, uh...
Like we talked about in the last episode, you know, my foreskin, my brain foreskin, if you will, is covered by a lot of skin surface area, you know, on a sort of dermal level. Got a lot of brain dermis. Yeah.
We're growing calloused brain dermis in my forehead region. I've got big eyes, a big forehead, and a small mouth. Okay, so my visible facial weight is going to be up here. And I think there's nothing wrong with that because...
Back in the day, and by back in the day, I mean 14, 15, 1600s, women used to pluck their hairlines because a big forehead was a sign of wealth and status, which naturally looking at me, you would assume so. They used to pluck their hairlines. And so I'm thinking, you know, how fickle are beauty trends? We all know this, okay? Beauty trends don't determine anything except consumerism and, uh,
pushing people to overconsume so that they fit a certain beauty standard, which doesn't exist and changes by the hour. So with my facial features that I have...
I was not, I wouldn't say I was bullied as a child, but I look different than people, you know? I've got some incredibly European beauty features in the most Anglican of ways. And by that, I mean small fucking mouth and lips, small teeth, big, scary British eyes, okay? With that, accentuate it. Why would you change that? I'm finally landing on this
acceptance of myself of, you know, it's been, I don't want to make this feel like I'm starting this because I'm not. It's like, I'm finally accepting of it for the longest time. It's been like, you need to chisel your cheekbones and you need to overdraw your lips and your eyebrows and your, you know, you need lashes. It hyper feminizes your face and make sure you have a heart jawline and all that. It's just like, Oh my God, I don't.
This is my sort of manifesto for myself, is that when and if I ever have something done to my face, I fear that I won't be able to stop.
I know that I have an addictive personality and I know that by nature of living in Los Angeles, I've felt tempted since the first month that I moved here, you know, to get stuff done because you finally start making money to the point where you can change those things about yourself that you've always wanted to change. You know, like from when you were 14, 15, 16 on Tumblr or when Instagram first started to become like a sort of comparison arena. It's,
this weird, you find yourself in the coliseum of women your age or women that are like you, but a little bit better. And it's like, I am so young and I don't have the tools or the means to change the things that I'm feeling like I need to change now. Now that the financials have matched up to those sentiments, it is so hard not to, but I'm being steadfast in this
I look like my parents and I love that. And I've said that before. The things that make me me, I am not willing to give up to meet some standard of beauty that, like I said, is fleeting and will change. We're already seeing that with BBLs and other bodily reconfiguration surgeries, reconfigurative surgeries that either were done poorly or didn't
are not on trend anymore or cause health problems, to be quite honest. And it scares me. And I don't want to start because, you know, I don't know if I can stop. So I'm trying to fit into this mindset of there was an era, there was a time when people, women who looked like me, had their time. And I don't know why it goes out of style. And I don't know why, you know,
it would ever get to a point where you would be bullied for looking a certain way. Anyway, so what I'm trying to say is I am about to start dressing and changing my makeup to really accentuate my features. Almost over accentuate is really what I'm going for. There is a person on TikTok that really, really inspires me. Their name is Evelyn, and I believe their username is number one New York Times bestseller.
I think that's their username. Yeah. Number one New York Times bestseller. They do 20s inspired makeup and it's this really avant-garde editorial type. And I don't know if they wear it out in public, but for photos, oh my God, it's stunning. And I used to get tagged in their posts a lot of you look like this person and you should try this and whatever. And I've done a YouTube video on it before of like trying 1920s makeup. And I was shocked how flattering it was on me.
It's very dramatic, of course, with the skinny downturned eyebrows and the almost sorrowful yearning expression on the face where it's just a very raised eyebrow and downturned eyes. And I literally did that maybe what two or three years ago. And I remember looking in the mirror being like, oh, my God, why does this really work?
And I really liked it. And I wish that that sort of drama in makeup was acceptable to go out in the way that it was in 2016. But at the same time, I want to start experimenting with is there a wearable way to bring it back? You know, I think that trends start with people who are unafraid and unabashed in their own identity and they're not afraid to be themselves. And Evelyn is that to me. I watch their videos and I'm like, that's a fucking artist, bitch. An artist.
And they explore, like their references are so clear and well-researched and respectful and, you know, taking all these incredibly famous and well-established photographers and these makeup artists and
taking the inspiration and making it their own. Oh my God, I'm obsessed with Evelyn. And I'm very, like I said, inspired. And so I want to start. I've started doing this sort of half lash, sleepy eye sort of thing instead of a full lash with a full, I used to do that really dramatic black wing. And Ariana Grande did that Vogue makeup tutorial
like a year, maybe two years ago. And in it, she was talking about how for a long time she was hiding behind makeup because maybe she didn't know who she was or it's just insecurity or there is a, I mean, obviously it goes without saying there's a pressure for people that are on camera all the time to look perfect and beautiful all the time, which is not realistic and crazy and really rough on the skin, to be honest.
So she talked about that where she and she got kind of emotional and it made me cry because I would take a bullet for Ariana Grande. What? I love her. I love her. In this video, she cries because she's like, I felt like I was hiding for a long time and I'm not hiding anymore. And I really I didn't relate to it in the sense that like, oh, my God, I know. Right. But I guess I sympathized with it because I used to really go crazy with the makeup, with the
really intense, bold, black eyeliner and big lashes and overdrawing my lips and just really... And like that with a t-shirt and jeans. Like I just... It was never that serious, girl. But at the same time, that's at the time in my life, that's how I was expressing myself. And there's something to be said for that. And it's weird to look back on photos from then because I feel like I look older there than I do now. Very strange. But it's also a beautiful...
evolution to constantly be meeting yourself. You are always meeting a new version of yourself and you're consistently reintroducing yourself. And it's a beautiful part of life that never ends. You have the power and the autonomy to constantly reinvent yourself. And if there's something about yourself you don't like, or if there's something you want to change, or if there's something that you want back, you can always do that.
Don't let anyone hold you to a certain standard of yourself or...
era of yourself that you've outgrown and if you stopped being friends with someone or if someone stopped caring or paying attention to you around a certain time in your life and they're unimpressed with the new version of you or saying that you've changed I think that is unfortunate that they don't understand that you know you're allowed to grow and you're allowed to change and with new information you're allowed to change opinions and change your mind we are always ever-changing and
And it's really, really unfair to hold people to old versions of themselves. So to bring that back to the discussion around makeup, I think makeup is a symbolic, a tangible, symbolic way to talk about this, you know, because how you paint yourself is a very symbolic representation of how you want to present yourself to the world.
And looking back on how I used to do my makeup, how I used to paint my face in high school to college to my early 20s to now, I guess, my late 20s is it honestly kind of makes me emotional of looking at who I remember the thoughts that were in my head when I was doing those things.
the ceremonial process of putting on makeup is a sacred thing. And you remember, you know, and when you smell certain things and you find certain old products or see photos, it's like, it electroshocks you back to that moment in your life. And it's a nostalgic thing. And, you know, we're so rough on ourselves. And I just, it reminds me to give myself grace. So all that to say, Evelyn has been kind of
essential in this process of seeing people who have my features embrace them. And my God, is it beautiful. I think it's beautiful. You know, not everyone will agree. There's a cinematic quality to kind of 1920s makeup that not everyone is going to find attractive. And I'm not doing it to be found attractive. I will be doing it to embrace the features that I was given and that I was gifted by my parents.
So I'm excited to kind of start that of experimenting with what that might look like and really taking a look at myself and, you know, don't hide the things that are obvious. I got big fucking eyes and a big forehead. I'm going to accentuate it, you know? So shout out to Evelyn. Really, really incredible. I want to talk about Songs of the Week.
If you'll allow me, people, sorry for the deep, deep spiritual humanistic rant. Let's talk about songs of the week. Mentioned Ariana Grande. The song I have had on literal, literally, literally on repeat is the title track, Eternal Sunshine from the album Eternal Sunshine. The lyrics to this song make me want to cry.
and cry, I do. Okay? A crazy line, by the way. Okay, I want to say this, and I don't want it to come off as, like, one of those weird fucking fans, but I'm saying this as a genuine long-term fan of Ariana Grande. I've seen her through so many of her phases and her eras, and, you know, all that of, I guess, different characters that...
you could argue she played, or different personalities attached to each album. Because so much of being an artist is having a forward-facing, public-presenting persona, and then a private persona that we're not entitled to. She is not obligated to share that with us. But there are these public, memorable moments from each album that she's put out that are nostalgic. And the lyrics of this
song specifically and the entire album as a whole art piece I look at it through the lens of I mean she opens up the album with how can I tell if I'm in the right relationship aren't you supposed to really know that shit feel it in your bones and own that shit I don't know like that's crazy okay in my mind there's a lot going on of Ariana Grande to me is just a woman capital W
God is a woman. The song represents that to me. Even like positions represents that where you can be this sort of blissful domestic, I guess, trad wife adjacent thing of like I my whole being and purpose is to love and to love you.
And the flip side is like, that bitch runs a business. She is a business woman. She's an entrepreneur. She is a hardworking, successful business woman who has created and run a brand and is a literal savant level genius when it comes to arranging and harmonies and melodies. It is truly to be studied. So both things can exist at once. To me, I always come on this fucking podcast and yap about how
And desperately, I want women to be seen as the multifaceted, beautiful creatures that they are instead of this unilateral, that's a woman. A woman should be this. A woman should be that. Here's what the mold is. If you don't fit into it, that's why you're single. That's why you're lonely. That's why you're whatever. Fuck that. I reject that.
And I look to women like Beyonce and Ariana Grande that show me this is a multifaceted woman. This is everything I could ever hope to be. And it inspires me to keep on the path, you know, keep steadfast in the trip sort of thing. Ariana Grande opening the album with that. How can I tell if I'm in the right relationship? To me, I'm like, this is a woman that is so deserving of love and affection. And this almost...
high school level joy of this innocence of being in love. Like I associate Honeymoon Avenue and all that with Ari. Like it's just a certain type of love that gets conjured up. And it makes me sad that she is, she's been through so much, so much. And it's like, when you've been through that much, all you kind of want is, is a person to come home to at night to be like,
you're confident and to just hold you and to just support you and you do the exact same to them it's like the fact that she has tried so many times and all that's been public oh my god i can't imagine i just oh my i don't know the album opening up like that i was like oh fuck how can i tell if i'm in the right relationship i'm like bitch if ariana grida doesn't know how the fuck am i supposed to know anyway eternal sunshine the title track
The opening lyrics being, I don't care what people say. We both know I couldn't change you. I guess you could say the same. Can't rearrange the truth. I've never seen someone lie like you do. So much even you start to think it's true. Get me out of this loop. Okay, I'm going to say something. And again, I don't want to sound like a psycho fan, but I think that Mac Miller was the love of her life. Like I truly, that was her soulmate. And it is
so unbearably tragic. I can't even begin to imagine that level and intensity of heartbreak. And there are so many layers to loving someone who struggles with addiction. I cannot even begin to imagine. I view all of these lyrics written from the perspective of
he was the one, he was her person. And everything after that, every relationship, every rumored affiliation, whatever, is trying to fill that hole. And I may be speaking out of my ass, I definitely am, but that's how I listen to these songs. And of course I relate it and fit it into my own life where I feel like we all have that one person where it's like, you were my end game and I don't know what the fuck went wrong. And
It just makes it even more devastating, I feel like. I mean, to open it with, I don't care what people say. We both know I couldn't change you. It's like I've been through that too. And it's so painful. So the chorus being, I showed you all my demons, all my lies, yet you played me like Atari. Now it's like I'm looking in the mirror. Hope you feel all right when you're in her. That shit, when I heard that shit for the first time, I said, tears.
immediate tears hope you feel all right when you're in her oh my god i found a good boy and he's on my side you're just my eternal sunshine sunshine so i try to wipe my mind just so i feel less insane rather feel painless i'd rather forget than know for sure what we could have fought through behind this door so i close it and move oh dude dude
I just love she just fucking gets it like I can't articulate like when I first heard that it literally was like my chest kind of broke into and every time I hear it the yeah yeah I could tell and then the little video game sound effect goes off oh just I love her this album is so fucking good it's it's been all I've been listening to the last two weeks and Cowboy Carter of course goes without saying but this I've been like crying in my car to this song specifically
I mean, even opening this episode with, I'm just over it, dude. I just, you know, hope is what keeps us human, but it is fleeting and you can't crush it. But my God, it does go away. And I've been feeling kind of fucking hopeless when it comes to romantic relationships as a lady, as I kind of always do. But it's this innate hope and patience, which is hard.
That when it's meant to happen, it will happen and that you can't spend your life obsessing over it. You cannot spend your life waiting around because life will quickly pass you by. Men are not the center of the universe. Romance is not the center of the universe. There is so much love to be shared and given and enjoyed that is not romantic in nature.
And I have beautiful friendships that remind me of that. And every time I start to get in that mindset of like, I'm fucking miserable because so-and-so won't text me back or this happened or it's just like, I'm better than this. So thank you, Ariana Grande, because you're, you help me and I love you so much. Another Ari song is West Side. Unrelated. I just love that song. And of course, the Supernatural remix with Troy. Hello to Troy Sivan. Hello to Troy Sivan.
Are you going on tour with Charlie XCX? Yes or no? Can I sit on the side of the stage? Yes or no? Just let me know, guys. Troye Sivan, send me your perfume company. Or is it candles? Troye Sivan, I want it. Troye Sivan company. Homeware. It's candles, isn't it? Yes, bitch. Candles, fragrances, and artistic trinkets. That's what I thought. It's also a perfume. Cologne. Unisex fragrance. That's what I want. Troye Sivan, come on.
Come on, Troye Sivan, just figure that shit out. Send that shit to me now, dude. That's about to piss me off. Okay, next song of the week. This is a complete gear shift from the whole cinematic universe I was just talking about into this. We're now entering straight man lore, okay? Let me just, guys, two truths can be inside of you are two truths.
One is Ariana Grande. One is Yeet. The next song is Never Quit by Yeet. I love Yeet. The next one is the fucking Drake diss. That shit's crazy, by the way. I'm plugged into all that. It changes by the hour. This Metro Boomin and Future and Kendrick Lamar and this and that and everyone versus Drake. And then Drake comes out with the diss track and it's crazy.
And then for some reason all these other rappers are beefing with each other and I'm like trying to plug into that. Then I'm like, where's Quavo? Quavo came out of nowhere and why is 2NE1 saying, okay, right, right, right. Don't know. That shit goes crazy though. And he just released it and changed the beat from when it was the leak on SoundCloud. Anyway, next song is Cinnamon Girl by Loving W. I don't know, dude. I don't know.
There are so many different sides to me. I'm just an onion. You have to keep peeling back the layers, girl. I'm a moldy onion that you left on the counter and you keep peeling back layers and there's different type of bugs in all the layers. And you peel it back and you start chewing on it. Ain't it Shrek?
And then you start peeling back layers and it's Shrek and it's Shrek and Fiona's freaking like wedding carriage thing. And there's wheels on it and donkeys there. That's like, that's like my brain. Seriously. Seriously, y'all.
Speaking of Shrek, watched Shrek 2 the other day with my bestie Taylor. That is, I mean this with my entire being, the best movie ever made. Shrek 2 should be studied in an academic setting for its cultural impact. All of the cultural references that are packed into that hour and a half long movie, it is...
Living in LA now and watching it again and like realizing that far, far away is supposed to be like Beverly Hills. And I recognize like the Roosevelt Hotel that's supposed to be. And then, oh my God, when they're going down what I'm assuming is supposed to be like Melrose or Rodeo or any of those famous streets.
In Hollywood, they pass by Versarchery, which is supposed to be Versace, but it's Versarchery, like archery. There are just so many. Oh my God, and then the fairy godmother on the billboards with the wand that does this. It's just like, oh my God, it's so good. And I never realized until you watch it as an adult, which I have watched it as an adult, but it's like every year, every year you get older. Children.
Right? That's me watching Shrek 2. I love Shrek 2. It's so smart. It is so well done and it's withstood the test of time. Okay. Knights instead of cops. Them pulling aside puss and them finding catnip on him. That's so not mine. Are you serious? I'm wearing ladies underwear. It's good. Oh.
Even charming. Thank you, mother. Just stupid. The whole scene, too, where Fiona, they finally get back to the castle and they meet her parents and all this, whatever. And they're in...
She storms off from the dinner table and goes back to her room and she's like, Sam's Adore. And then the fairy godmother appears. And then they do that whole like musical number where all the wardrobes come to life and the chairs are dancing or whatever. It's, there are so many references packed in there of the wind blowing up under Fiona's dress. That's supposed to be Marilyn Monroe. And then all the singing shit is supposed to be a riff on Beauty and the Beast and how stupid that whole premise is and how it also relates to her. It's so good. It,
Please go rewatch Shrek 2. Also the soundtrack. So good.
Anyway, also you want to talk about voice acting and like a stellar stellar casting They could not have casted that movie any better with every single part was perfectly casted. It's just a marvel I could literally write an entire essay on it. I could do a video essay on it on YouTube I might I feel so passionately about track 2. I love that goddamn movie far far away. Yeah, dude, okay, so
Oh my god, also, I'm not done. When they go to the swamp to deliver, you know, the king and queen humbly request the presence of Shrek and Fiona, whatever. And they line up and all the horns are... And then the one guy breaks off under the horn and does... Is that Hawaii Five-O? Isn't it? Hawaii Five-O theme song. I'm so smart.
Yeah, it's Hawaii Five-0. There's just so much in there, dude. Please go watch it. Okay. Oh, and my last song. I think last week I talked about Bluegrass as well, about how Bluegrass was just really transformative for me as a high schooler. The Oh Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack and all that. I have a playlist that I've had on repeat that
Look, I don't know if y'all are into bluegrass the way I am. Or if you like modern bluegrass, sort of like the Sierra, Feral, Billy String sort of bluegrass. I listen to traditional Bill Monroe, Ralph Stanley, what are they called? The Wilcox Brothers or something like that. Wilcox Family. Or maybe it's the Cox Family. I don't know. I listen to all that and there's one that's called Three Men on the Mountain. Love that song. I have had that shit on repeat for no fucking reason. I just love it. Three men on the mountain.
♪ On the mountain ♪ The harmonies in "Gospel Bluegrass" are so, so, it just, it just, my, since it chilled on my spine, it's so good, I just love it. Okay, okay, we were just speaking about art, the art of "Shrek 2" and "Eternal Sunshine" by Ariana Grande, and so I wanted to show you guys and talk to you guys for, about my favorite painting ever, ever made, okay?
And this is purely aesthetic in my reasoning, and I was hoping to, because I realized I've never done a deep dive onto the story behind this painting. And let's learn it today together as a class. Okay, now starting Art Clash with Brittany Blufke, with Professor Blufke. Class is in session, team.
Okay, I hope everyone did their homework and their reading because the art for today is Roses of Heliogabalus by Lawrence Alma Tadema. This is my favorite painting of all time. Let's go ahead and pull it up. Okay, like I said, this is Roses of Heliogabalus.
What is Heliogabalus? I'm probably saying that wrong. This is what I know about this painting. It is neoclassicism, which neoclassicism is, it was in a resurgence and a refascination with classicism, which has to do with like Greek and Roman gods and society and culture that was in this painting, I think is from the 1890s.
And it was a status of wealth, obviously, with something as decadent and as
as ostentatious as this. And also when you think about Greek and Roman culture, very ostentatious in nature. They enjoyed the luxuries of everything life had to offer and gluttony and the age of empire and all that. So neoclassicism, I find very interesting with culturally and globally what was happening in the 1890s, a lot of shifts and a lot of
modern empires, you know, with Ottoman Empire and the British monarchy and all that. So with that, first of all, let's just zoom in. If you're listening on audio, let me describe this painting. Like I said, neoclassicism. So imagine a bunch of Greco-Roman figures, columns. And what is the standout of this painting is the attention to detail on the human faces, the
the feathers, and most notably the flower petals. These are a butt, like covering the entire floor of the scene, ground up, plucked rose petals. And they are everywhere. And they are all different shades of pink and white and red. And there's fruit and pomegranates and billowing cloth and
The human forms that are just, you know, the beauty of human muscle in paintings like this where they capture the lighting and the detail and the veins and the coloration of the veins. There's so much texture to it color-wise of blue and hues of even green and yellow to the skin tone.
And the detail on the marble as well. I mean, it looks like you could reach out and touch it. This one right here, this guy with the... a lot of them have roses on their heads or tucked behind their ears. The leather on the cushions, the jewelry and fabric on their beings. It is just so, so beautiful. The light reflection on the gold accents on the green marble columns.
The cherubs on the table, the grapes and fruit and other decadence on the table as well. Now, this is, like I said, I don't really know the...
story here. I don't know if this is an allegory allegory to like a Greek myth or if this is just supposed to represent celebration from Greco-Roman times. We see someone in the background here playing some form of ancient flute or not what's that called a lute even.
And I love when they include that or even like an animal, like a dog or a parrot or a cat in paintings like this, because it helps build the ambience where I don't know, like when I look at a painting or when I'm in a museum and it's a huge canvas like this, where you can stand in front of it and it's bigger than you, you know, it takes up the whole wall. I like to imagine myself in it. What does it sound like? What does it smell like? What, what,
where is the light coming from in the painting and where would it be hitting me if I was stood in this room with the figures in the painting? And I think that's why I like this painting so much is that it's completely immersive. You almost feel like, I mean, imagine the smell of that many roses. If you've ever walked through a rose garden or bought your mom flowers for Mother's Day, like, you know, this smell, a rose perfume. There is such a
classic smell and association of just niceties, the niceties of high class life that this image conjures up. So let's read through it because a lot of them have laurels around their head. I don't know if this is just decorative made of flowers or if they're coming from a celebration of some type. So let's read it.
The Roses of Heliogabalus is an 1888 painting by the Anglo-Dutch artist Sir Lawrence Alma Tadema depicting the young Roman emperor Elagabalus, right? From 203 to 222 AD hosting a banquet. The painting measures 52 by 84 inches. It shows a group of Roman diners at a banquet being swamped by drifts of pink rose petals falling from a false ceiling above. So they're falling, right?
yeah i guess there is that sort of motion to it too i always thought it was a wind i wonder where they're falling from the youthful roman emperor elegabalus am i saying that right wearing a golden silk robe and tiara watches the spectacle from a platform behind them with other garland guests a woman plays the double pipes beside a marble pillar in the background wearing the leopard skin of a main main ad what is that
In Greek mythology, Maenads were the female followers of Dionysus, whoa, and the most significant members of the Thiasis, the god's retinue. Okay, now here's the tea about Dionysus, Dionysus. Um...
This is all about, if y'all have read The Secret History, you know about this. Like, it has to do with the Bacchus, Bacchus. It's basically an orgy. It has to do with primal pleasure. I don't know if she's the goddess of pleasure. Dionysus, the god of winemaking, orchards and fruit, vegetation, fertility, festivity, insanity, ritual madness, religious ecstasy, and theater. He was also known as Bacchus, Bacchus.
And Dionysus is going to be a man. Did not realize that. He was also known as Bacchus by the Greeks for a frenzy he is said to induce called Bacchia. As Dionysus, his wine, music, and ecstatic dance free his followers from self-conscious fear and care. T! From self-conscious fear and care and subvert the oppressive restraints of the powerful. That is crazy. Okay, so I love this shit. I wish I was more into Greek mythology because this shit goes crazy.
Okay, I knew, see, I was picking up on the vibe here of like, what's it called? Partaking. What's the noun of that? Not gluttony. What's a gluttony synonym? There's a word I'm thinking, I hate this shit. Indulgence. Indulgence? Yes, to indulge in something. Indulgence. Okay. Okay.
A woman plays the double pipes beside a marble pillar in the background wearing the leopard skin of a maynard. Okay, now this was follower of Dionysus. With a bronze statue of Dionysus based on the Ludovici Dionysus. What the fuck is that? In front of a view of distant hills. Oh, it's a sculpture.
It's a statue. The painting depicts a probably invented episode in the life of this Roman emperor, Elagabalus, also known as Heliogabalus, taken from the Augustan history. Although the Latin refers to violets and other flowers, Alma-Tedema depicts Elagabalus smothering his unsuspecting guests with rose petals released from a false ceiling. The original reference is this.
In a banqueting room with a reversible ceiling, he once buried his guests in violets and other flowers so that some were actually smothered to death, being unable to crawl out to the top. Ooh, I love that. This sort of symbolism of drowning in your own indulgence and drowning in your own...
addiction to to giving in to your impulses and the pleasures like what's that called when you're you're like addicted to pleasure in life that's everything that this represents and how is that in our human nature to we always have to max it out we don't have balance like it's always too much we end up doing too much the painting was commissioned in 1888 for 4 000 pounds
As roses were out of season in the United Kingdom, Alma-Tadema is reputed to have had rose petals sent from the south of France each week during the four months in which it was painted rich. The painting was exhibited at the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition in 1888. The commissioner died in 1911, and the painting was inherited by his son, Sir John Richard Ayrd.
Second baronet. After Alma-Tadema died in 1912, the painting was exhibited at a memorial exhibition at the Royal Academy. Don't care. Okay. So it was just auctioned off, sold off, sold off all throughout the 30s, 40s, 60s. It was sold in 1973 for 28,000 pounds.
Then it was sold again by an American collector in 1993 for 1.5 million pounds. It's currently owned by the Spanish-Mexican billionaire businessman and art collector Juan Antonio Perez-Simon. Hello to Juan Antonio Perez-Simon. Can I come to your house? Hello to Mr. Perez-Simon. Can I come to your house and see my favorite painting, bro? Do you mind? Can I come over? Juan Antonio Perez-Simon, porfa! Porfa! I'll come!
The painting was included in an exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York in March and April of 1973. Damn, this is my favorite painting. I want to see it in person so bad. Now, Lawrence Alma Tadema,
Sir Lawrence Almatadima was a Dutch painter who later settled in the UK, becoming the last officially recognized denizen in 1873. Don't know what that means. Born in the Netherlands and trained at the Royal Academy of Antwerp in Belgium, he painted, I want to say, majority neoclassicism.
A painter of mostly classical subjects, he became famous for his depictions of the luxury and decadence of the Roman Empire. With languorous figures, great word, languorous, characterized by tiredness or inactivity, especially of a pleasurable kind. That is such a good fucking word!
With languorous figures set in fabulous marbled interiors or against a backdrop of dazzling blue Mediterranean sea and sky. One of the most popular Victorian painters, Alma Tadimo was admired during his lifetime for his draftsmanship and accurate depictions of classical antiquity. But his work fell out of fashion after his death. And only since the 1960s has it been appreciated for its importance within Victorian painting. That is crazy because some of his shit, it's just like...
That is artistry to me. It's a complete understanding of lighting and like fantastical representation of a time where we don't have photos. You know, like they'll do historical paintings or historical re-imaginations, but some of those, like the coronation of Napoleon, was that coronation of Napoleon? When was the camera invented? 1820s? Coronation of Napoleon was...
He died in 1821. Damn, so he died two years before, or maybe five years before the camera was invented. Bro was five, six, L, short king, short emperor. Bro's not height maxing. Bro should have mewed. Bro got guillotine maxed. Actually, how did Napoleon die? He got exiled, I know that. Chief among the theories for the exiled emperor's death. Oh my God, it's open to interpretation now.
Theories for the exiled emperor's death is arsenic poisoning. And they think this because of the condition of his body. What was Napoleon's cause of death? Stomach ulcer. What? The autopsy report signed just after Napoleon's autopsy on May 6th by the British doctors show strong medical evidence and allow a final diagnosis. Advanced malignant gastric neoplasia associated with upper gastrointestinal bleeding as cause of death. He shit himself to death.
Damn, RIP Napoleon and Elvis. You guys would have loved Tums. RIP Napoleon, you would have loved the gastric sleeve. Oh, Napoleon. Wow. He would have loved that chalky taste of Tums. Have y'all seen that freaky ass kinky letter that he sent to Josephine, his woman, where he said, I return in three days. Do not wash. That's crazy. He wanted that thing stinking. Like, shut up!
Napoleon letter to Josephine Bain. My god, please don't wash. We'll arrive in three days. Even historians do agree that Napoleon didn't mean that Josephine shouldn't do the laundry. Freaky ass motherfucker. He liked it stinky. Devil man! Or actually, that's a real man. Okay, what the fuck was I talking- Oh, how did Napoleon die?
Why did I look up Napoleon? Oh, oh, I was talking about the coronation of Napoleon. Okay, I don't know if y'all have ever seen this painting. This one is fucking crazy in real life. It's 20 feet by 34 feet. Feet, okay? Takes up an entire wall of the museum that it's in, which I believe is the Louvre. Is it in the Louvre? Yep, it's in the Louvre. Okay, here it is. God, this shit goes crazy.
This is one of those paintings where when you see it in real life, you got to stand there and stare. There's a big bench in front of it that you can sit down on because it's just so much to take in. I mean, the figures are life-size. Life-size, if not bigger. Okay, Coronation of Napoleon.
is a painting completed in 1807 by Jacques-Louis David, the official painter of Napoleon, depicting the coronation of Napoleon at Notre Dame in Paris. The oil painting has imposing dimensions. It's almost 10 meters wide by a little over six meters tall. Hey, don't know what meters are. I'm American. What the fuck is a kilometer? What the fuck is a meter? What the fuck is Celsius? Only Celsius I know is a damn drink.
You guys need to get out of here with that crazy bullshit. Okay. Coronation of Napoleon is... Why did I bring this up? This was pre-photography, obviously, and this was his official court painter that captured this. So you have to wonder, was this posed? How many times was this...
quote unquote, for lack of a better historically accurate term, what changes were made to it at the request of Napoleon or Napoleon's inner circle. And I also wonder, you know, how accurate is it? How accurate are the details of the room and of the faces that were there? Because a painting this size, I mean, how long did it take him? I'm trying to say, you know, there's a difference between this sort of, this is a historical painting
moment in time that the autocrat at the time wanted to be memorialized for all of history forever to remember versus someone like a Lawrence Alma Tadema who
repainting an imagination of what those Greco-Roman scenes probably looked like. You know, there's a difference when it comes to historical painting and reason behind painting them, what they mean for the future, and what they mean for the time. You know, because, I mean, even with The Roses of Heliogabalus,
People didn't give a fuck about it for like 60 years after it was painted. It was auctioned off for a couple thousand dollars until it was like, wow. So it's so interesting to me how it's paint on a canvas and it can just represent and mean so many things in so many different ways. Coronation of Napoleon. How long did it take?
The ceremony, okay, well, this is the actual ceremony, lasted three hours before thousands of guests, but one member of the family was conspicuous by her absence. Napoleon Bonaparte's mother. How long did it take David to paint the coronation of Napoleon? That is what I should have Googled, and here is the answer. Come on, Google. See, exactly. This was commissioned by Napoleon for the palace.
An ambitious composition representing the coronation, which took place on December 2nd of 1804 in Notre Dame, took three years of detailed work to complete. So, Michael, like, I just wonder the process. And this is I can Google this on my own. But like, is this bro was there and he counted how many people are in the room and generally where they were? And, you know, is it like you do a pencil sketch on an eight by 11 piece of notebook paper and then you paint it?
to scale? And how do you scale it? And my God, where did he paint it? Where was a room big enough to paint it in? And how did they transport it? There's just so many logistical, technical questions I have of a painting that impressive. Also, the restoration of this painting is crazy because it's so old and it's so big. And, you know, paintings like that
It's like, where has it been? That used to be in the palace, Napoleon's palace. And now it's in the Louvre. I just, it's crazy. I just, I love art history. Also, I think we've talked about it before on here, the whole era of in the forties, the Nazis stealing art and it just sitting in a warehouse and how much art hasn't been recovered and how much art was destroyed.
because of their greed, you know, because Hitler wanted to own it. Just crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. So this painting is crazy. If you ever go to the Louvre, please go sit in front of this for at least 10 minutes and just study it and take the time to, you know, pull out your phone and Google some shit. It's fun. And it's crazy to be in front of the actual, that Napoleon passed it as he would walk through the palace. That's crazy.
History is living and breathing through art. Okay, I'm gonna get out of here. Love you guys. Be safe. Make good choices. Broski.shop for merch, guys. And guys, if you guys are looking to purchase a muumuu anytime soon, stick around because they're done and they're ready. Okay? Be looking for that maybe sometime May or June. So...
Like I said, broski.shop, go get your broski report. Uniform. You guys tag me in it on Instagram. I like every single one. Y'all are so cute. You're like, and the packaging's cute. And I'm like, it's the little things. It really is the little things in life that y'all appreciate. I do love that. Thank you so much. Okay. Seriously, love you guys. Be good. Bye.
