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Nice to meet you. Or maybe we've met before. I'm the COVID-19 virus. I use disguises to fool your immune system. My buddy the flu virus and I make thousands of people sick every year. But updated vaccines make it a lot harder.
Don't make it easy for these viruses. Stay up to date on your COVID-19 and flu vaccinations this fall. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress. CVEEP.org. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Hello, Broski Nation. Jesus. Hello, Broski Nation and welcome back.
to another week. Yes! Yes, the passing of time continues! There is not much, anything we can do to slow or perhaps thwart the stopping, the passing of time. Okay, now, some changes to the set. We have added vintage 1995 Coca-Cola bear
You know how Drew and Inya have Psyop Corner where they just like read memes back and forth to each other? This is something similar is kind of happening over here. I'm hoping to sort of establish a special interest corner with my Funko Pops. And did that feel good coming out? No. You think I like to, you think I want to come on this podcast and be like, oh, everyone, I got a new Funko Pop. It doesn't. I'm humiliated.
Okay, and welcome to the stage, my new Funko Pop. Hey, I'm 26. Every day, every day is a war between being my true and authentic self, unabashedly, unashamedly, for the world to see, for the world to gawk at, knowing that I am comfortable in my own soul, my own skin, versus the mortifying ordeal of being known right now. Those two inside of you are two wolves.
Mortifying old deal being known. Living for your own pleasure. Okay? And they kiss sometimes. Inside of you are two wolves kissing. Inside of you are two wolves fringing. Okay? It's just, let's get that out of the way. So now, let's go through the ranking. Okay? We have me on the Iron Throne. Kylo Ren and Mando kind of taking the right flank. Okay? They're taking the right flank.
To the left, Coca-Cola Bear. He's the jester. Okay, he's going to make me giggle. He's going to give me Cokes whenever I need them. And then we've got Ghost from Call of Duty. He's going to be sort of like, not recon. What does reconnaissance mean? That means when you go get somebody, right? Recon. To conduct a preliminary survey or reconnaissance of something. For example, the hacker is. They're doing the recon. And then they're breaking into that server so as to compromise your environment. Period. We've got a tagline for a movie here.
As a noun, recon is an abbreviation for reconnaissance. Again, which is a military term for inspecting or exploring an area. Exactly. So Ghost is going to be doing recon on what? That's classified. Okay? That is classified. Now, we've addressed the changes to the set. Oh, also...
Mug of the day is Pirates of the Caribbean that has this crazy little sword handle, okay? It's a sword, okay? And what do you call the hilt of a sword that wraps around your hand? Pommel. Testing you guys' vocab, okay? And you know what? I am going to Google that just to make sure I'm right. What is the pommel of a sword? The pommel is a knob or shaped protrusion at the end of a sword's hilt.
It has several functions. Balance, grip and guard, aesthetics. Okay, so maybe that's not right. The pommel's what you hold. What wraps around your hand to protect your hand? We'll never know. Okay, guys, there are a lot of things on my mind that we need to address, but initially I will address the elephant in the room, Beyonce Gisele Cardinals. Over the Super Bowl weekend,
which she's known to do, okay, she did this with the formation tour as well, announced that act two of the three-act structure of Renaissance,
is going to be a country album. I heard whispers on the wind way back when, 2021, 2022, when they were like, new album, it's a three-act structure or whatever it's going to be. And there are a couple different rumors, and I kind of refuse to believe it. And I don't know why, because looking back, I'm like, all signs pointed to this. Her CMA performance of Daddy Lessons, all of the sort of country elements that she's wound in to her discography that...
Even through the visuals, I mean, it's not really like a, you know, I don't think it's an aesthetic that she's pulling from. Like, Beyonce is country. People forget that. So I think that it's absolutely, I'm an idiot for not expecting it because they said, this was the rumor on Beehive Twitter back in like 2021, 2022, was house album, country, and then rap album.
People are saying now the third one's going to be rock. I'm fine with either one because Ape Shit by the Carters changed me. Ape Shit, bitch? That whole album. She kind of has, oh my God, that whole album, Everything is Love, that dropped in 2018 and changed my life. It was the album of my summer. It soundtracked my summer into that fall. It was so...
When you have a body of work, and also if you don't know this, let me just go ahead and walk through it. Lemonade, okay? Lemonade 2016 was her I Got Cheated On reconciliation album. It was processing visually and sonically the whole experience of having the absolute love of your life do that to you.
It perfectly, if you've never listened to Lemonade, first of all, fucking grow up and don't listen to it first. Go watch it first because it is a visual album. It is a movie. Go watch Lemonade. It chronicles every single stage of grief that you experience in that sort of headspace of grief.
anger, and then apathy, and then just guttural sadness, and then, you know, this decision that you kind of get to a fork in the road. You get to an intersection of
Do I leave him behind forever, knowing that you have a child with this man? Or do you go down the second path of you absolve him of his sins because the love is that strong? Because love, true love, can have missteps and mistakes can be made because we are only human at the end of the day. Do you let him back in? And the sort of resolution of Lemonade is yes, absolutely.
Then Jay-Z drops his album 444, which is Beyonce's lucky number. I think it's both of their lucky numbers. They have it tattooed on their ring fingers. It's like their number. This album explores similar themes from his point of view. Story of OJ, one of the best songs of that year to come out. Story of OJ, Family Feud, Bam. And bitch, she would do Bam on stage. The Bam Bam.
Which is a sample, of course, but the way that it's chopped up in the song, fucking art. And then she would do that crazy combination with, ♪ Hold up, they don't love you like I love you ♪ Slow down, and then she would turn around to the crowd, so her ass is facing the crowd, and she would do this crazy bounce with her butt to the, ♪ Bum bum bee dum bum ♪ It's so good! Holy shit! This album was really great, okay?
Also, the music video for Story of OJ, whoa, wow. Like, wow, okay? We have 444. Then 2018 comes around. They release a joint album as The Carters called Everything Is Love that, again, sort of chronicles the emotions in a much more healed way of everything that they went through to get to where they are now as a couple where he knows he fucked up.
And even, how are you going to cheat on Beyonce? You have the literal baddest woman alive and you cheat on her. I can't, okay. I think I've talked about this ad nauseum before. Anyway, through this album, it's evident that the work has been done. Healing has been done. They are at a place where, you know, for the betterment of their love, of their lives, for their children's sake, for everything that they've built, this empire that the Carters have built.
We will continue on, you know? And that album is just so, it's so full of love and life and happiness and home and family. And it changed me. So on that, all that to say, on that album, let me pull up that track list too. She kind of has her little rapping moment. And because it's Beyonce, of course.
On Apeshit and on 713, there's still this, like, just you can't get rid of the musicality behind. You know, it's rapping and singing these insane riffs in the middle of the rapping. I love her. If it's a rap album, I would kind of prefer that. If it's a rock album, we know she does that very fucking well. Because when you have a skill, the skill level that Beyonce has...
Genre is non-existent. Genre is but a roadblock for someone like Beyonce. She's gonna make art and music that exists outside the bounds of earthly labeling. You know, like it is music that is so interconnected between souls that I don't really, you know, there's not really, and I think that the music industry really struggles to put her in a box because they don't know what to do with her. They don't know what to do with someone like Beyonce and it shows.
I think that this country album, first of all, it's already a joke online. People are like, this is going to be my new personality. Bitch, I've been here. I've been here waiting. And so I'll continue to be here waiting. I'm turning into Nick Cage. Have y'all seen, to completely pivot, Shane...
Tom from Smosh and the other guy, what's his name, do this like trivial pursuit thing on Smosh where they act like Nick Cage the whole time. It's the funny, it's my entire For You page. I liked two videos on it. I get one every other video now. It makes me laugh every single time. Go watch that. I'm going to watch that after I finish filming this. Okay, Beyonce. I'm very, very, very excited for it. I mean, naturally, anytime Beyonce has a release, I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there with my hands out on my knees because...
That's where I am. I got my four tattoo. Okay? Y'all don't understand! I would die for this shit! Got my four tattoo. Okay, now let's talk about the singles. Texas Hold'em and 16 Carriages. Did I fucking sob to 16 Carriages? Yeah. Oh, you're saying you didn't? Oh, you're saying you're a heartless bastard? You didn't sob to 16 Carriages? Go listen to it again. Go look at the lyrics. Okay? Go listen to it again. When your entire life has been dedicated to the craft.
Maybe in the beginning it was a mixture of, yes, you had a passion for this industry and you had a passion for singing, but the external factors in a sort of Michael Jackson way of your father forcing you to have a reinvented passion for what you do. It's an almost obsessive businessman-type attitude towards a 14-year-old, towards a 15-year-old, that they're workhorses. And
I think that growing up in that, you know, how do you process that? It's just keep going, keep going, keep going. Especially as a woman in the music industry, you have to consistently reinvent yourself every year, every album cycle, every day. People get bored of you. Versus men, Icon. You know, you don't have to change anything. If people like something, just do it again. There are some exceptions, you know, with people who...
I think just out of the boredom of their own creative spirit, want to try something new, but there are some artists that continue to make the same fucking album six times in a row.
And it's totally fine for them. If a woman artist does that, it's not acceptable. It's such a double standard. Y'all seen that picture of, like, Beyonce at an award show and then Ed Sheeran at an award show? He's in jeans and a fucking t-shirt. She's in a gown. It's that. The standard is so much higher for women. And I don't think that they're giving their flowers near enough. Near enough! Anyway, 16 Carriages is about her...
her journey through dedicating her life to making this art for, yes, for her, but for the audience as well. You know, in these conversations, the audience is this sort of invisible other that dictates your every move, dictates who you are, how you act, what you make. And you have to get to a certain point in your creative career to say, okay,
I'm okay not serving those people, you know, not serving this invisible other, whether that's the label, whether that's, you know, the fans. And when you make music for you, I think that's the most tapped in, most genuine you can be. And the audience will love it even more.
It's a rare sort of beautiful thing in creating art, you know? And Beyonce does it the best. So, 16 Carriages, sobbed. Very, very beautiful song. Very simple production as well. I'm obsessed with just the stripped back sort of
♪ 16 carriages ♪ ♪ Riding away while I ♪ ♪ Riding away, don't know ♪ It's just very, and it's so good because it's so clean and crisp. Okay, Texas Hold'em. The complete opposite, right? Texas Hold'em, holy shit! I have chills thinking about it. I love Beyonce so goddamn much, dude. It needs to be studied by like, sociology. It needs to be studied by a brain doctor. This woman means so much to me. Texas Hold'em is fun.
It's inventive. You know what I also appreciate is she's going to show off her vocal range every time. I don't think she knows how to not show her vocal range. It's just, it's incredible. Every single song. Texas Hold'em, I appreciate is, of course, it's a country song from the fiddle to, you know, the intro guitar to everything. But towards the end of the song, it's almost like I forgot.
Like, I was jamming along to it so hard. I was like, yeah, this is just a Beyonce song, but it's not. She doesn't, again, I'll scream this. She doesn't let the rules of genre define her or get in her way or impede the creative process in any sense. And I just love it. I love listening to it. I love, I cannot wait for what this album is going to sound like. I cannot wait. I am so, so, so happy. And honestly, I think a lot of Beehive members, it's kind of like you get what you get.
I'm not demanding, oh, drop an album, drop an album, the way that I kind of feel about Harry Styles or whoever, where it's like, drop the fucking album, coward. You can take a hate or spitbrush the album. That sort of thing. It's kind of a funny thing with Beyonce. She has laid the groundwork. She has done the fucking albums. She's done her time. Let her rest. Let her be a mother and a wife. You know? And still...
Still, she's giving us music. She's giving us visuals. She's giving us, I'm hoping and assuming eventually a tour because oh my fucking God, dude. And when she sells out NRG Stadium in Houston, Texas, you bet your fucking ass I'm going to be there. You bet your fucking ass I'm going to be in assless chaps, butt pimples out at NRG Stadium. I'm going to be carried away. I'm going to be escorted out of the establishment. Okay?
That was my Beyonce spiel. Thank you for indulging me. Cannot wait. I am so, so excited. And that merch is gonna go crazy! It's gonna go crazy. Oh my God. Okay. Big, big day for annoying people. Big, huge day for annoying people, aka me. Okay, now I want to get into something that I just like really feel called to. Every day I get on this app, and again, it's the two wolves. It's like, do I expose my soul? Do I show you my soul?
Or do I keep some things private? Today, I'm not keeping things private, okay? I did a sponsorship. I did a brand deal with a dating app and they gave me the premium version of it. So of course I put myself in Dublin, Ireland. Why would I not? You think I'm not going to put myself in Dublin, Ireland? Guess what? Top to Martin to you. Top to Martin to you. How are you doing? How are you doing? Oh my God. Oh my God.
I went fucking buck wild. I felt like a bull in a china shop. I felt like a kid in a candy store. Dude. Oh, y'all let me loose around the Irishman. Oh, y'all let me swipe around the Irishman. Found a husband. Found six. Okay. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Well, actually, but before that, Irish names, crazy. What do you mean your name is Donnach? Love it. Love it, by the way. Okay. Donnach. What?
Right, okay. We're gonna call you Don for short. Donnie maybe if I'm feeling crazy. Some of these names would come up and I'd be like, no shot. There's no shot. I'm gonna kind of lean on you to give me, go ahead and send me a voice memo with the way you say that fucking name, okay? Damn, so many gingers. I don't know why I'm shocked. I was swiping and I was like, I've never really, I'm learning so much about myself these days. Whoever said that life stops when you turn 30?
I don't know who said that. I'm also not 30. Was wrong. Life is just beginning. A whole new world has opened up to me. These names are crazy. A lot of gingers. I don't know why I was like shocked to find that out. Have I ever lived a day on planet Earth? I'm swiping, I'm swiping, I'm swiping. And I'm thinking, you know what? I have always thought Conan O'Brien's hot. I don't know why I'm lying to myself. Like he is hot. Conan O'Brien is a sexy gentleman.
And I'm jealous. I'm jealous of any woman who's ever gotten to know him. Okay? Conan O'Brien hit my line. Now, is he almost 60? Yeah. Is he 60? Maybe. Doesn't matter. That will not be. I don't care. Oh my God. Tumblr rotted my brain in ways that I'm still trying to figure out. The DILF epidemic. I was 16 talking about, oh, George Clooney, salt and pepper. Huh? Silver Fox. I'm 16.
And now I'm 26. Now guess what? Let's make it happen. Now guess what? Hit my dad. Hit my motherfucking dad. Conan O'Brien. He's got a wife. Okay. So I'm in Ireland. I'm in Dublin, Ireland. Top of the morning to you. Okay. Turkey tree potatoes at the party. Okay. That's literally me on the app. Playing the Irish national anthem. Don't know what it sounds like. Also the president of Ireland. About 5'3". Okay. All of about 5'3".
Adorable. Miss him. Think his name is Mikey Higgins. Miss him so bad. Wish he was on the podcast. Okay, I'm swiping. I've got my little profile set up. And I don't do this, dude! I don't do dating apps. Like, I've talked about this before. I don't trust men to not be creepy. And also, I don't trust men with my privacy because it's different if I was just like an anonymous woman, you know, just like working a normal job.
There is a safety and security concern when it comes to having private DMs leaked and things like that. You know, sometimes you see that happen to people and it's just the most humiliating thing ever. I just don't want to put myself in a situation. But in Ireland, I guess the logic kind of went out of my brain because I was like, oh, Irish men would never do that to me.
Oh, American men, absolutely. Irish men would never fucking do that to me. So I did put myself in Dublin. No, I was swiping and I came across a young gentleman. And I'm not like, I hope this is going to be one of those clips because I am clinically delusional. I am clinically crazy. I think that we've sort of established that point. That's a foundational thing of this podcast. I don't really need to convince you on that. Not much to convince there. I'm fucking...
We're swiping, we're swiping. My profile, of course, is a joke. I've got beautiful, gorgeous pictures because I'm beautiful and gorgeous. Why are you like, why'd you make a face? I'm beautiful and gorgeous, okay? My answers are so unserious. I'll read them. Allow me. Okay, my profile is as follows.
Guys, this is really like, take some pointers from me because don't take yourself seriously at all on a dating app because you think you're going to find true love? Maybe you will, but you won't. Okay? I can almost assure you, you won't. My profile is the about me section. Here we go. Seeking tall bearded Irishman to enlist in my personal militia, similar to that of minions regarding Gru. Okay? Like re, Gru. So I am Gru.
I'm Groot seeking Irish minions, okay? That's going to be my about. A prompt I'm known for, morphing into my werewolf form when the full moon appears, prowling through the forest with my pack, howling at the blue corn moon, hunting unassuming mortals, et cetera. You know, because the list kind of goes on. Let's break dating stereotypes by starting an MLM scheme together, okay? What's an MLM? Multi-level marketing. Dating apps really are just a
a recruitment software, if you think about it. It is indeed.com, it's LinkedIn. I'm really looking for employment here, the more that I'm actually reading my profile back, starting an MLM scheme together, and then I guess my grew fantasy. Favorite quality in a person, anemia. Okay, so that's actually gonna be my profile, and then of course I've got gorgeous and sexy hot pictures of me, okay? Because I've never taken a bad picture. And if you start to think that way, it might be true.
Okay, so I'm swiping, I'm swiping. That's my profile, like so unserious. And I'm scrolling through these. Oh my fucking God, dude. I forgot that when you leave. Okay, the limits of male cringiness know no bounds. When you start to think, maybe extremely loud, incorrect buzzer. Men will always be cringe and horrible, okay? Women can never make mistakes.
Don't forget that women are surreal, ethereal, angelic beings. And any cringe that they could ever, you know, any cringe that a woman could ever do is part of an artistic display, I would argue. You know, we are performing femininity. Sometimes femininity has an element of cringe to it, but that's been taught to us, okay? Because men like it, okay? So if you see a woman being cringy, I don't blame her. I don't blame her. I blame the patriarchy, okay?
When a man's cringing death to all of them, okay, I'm swiping some of the bios are like I'm swiping I'm swiping through these men's profiles. Okay, if I see one more oh I might start shaking if I see one more bio that says just looking for someone to like day with just look for someone go hiking Gus on the phone maybe trying to trying to cover plans have a have a point and
Okay, that is the one difference in Ireland. It's like, you want to go on a hike and get a point? No, motherfucker. I want to have witty banter and then maybe meet up and then maybe we ghost each other, okay? That's what I want. Maybe, looking for an adventure partner. Adventure? What are you, fucking Robin Hood? Looking for an adventure? Adventure? Are you talking about? You live in the city center!
this dumb ass shit off. I'm livid. I'm pissed off. I think men just don't, men are so unoriginal. Like, I don't know. Again, it goes back to the like Beyonce, Ed Sheeran thing of like, there is just such a different standard or maybe I'm putting this on myself. And again, I'm talking out of my ass. Okay. I could be wrong. You guys could disagree. That's totally fine. I think that, or maybe it has to do with hot level. It has to do with hotness level.
And this isn't something new. If you are hot, like very hot, traditionally very hot, you don't have to have a bio. People are going to swipe on you regardless because you're hot. And so much of dating apps is this game of like, does that hot person think I'm hot? You know, it's that game of yes or no. Usually it's no. Okay.
And then if you're medium ugly or medium cute, you have to be a little funny. You have to be a little interesting. Okay. That's when you start to filter in more like, okay, this is the type of music I listen to. This is, let's get some thought starters going. Okay. Then when you're, you're lower tier, low, ugly, low, cute, you got to really pull out the stops. Okay. You got to make me fucking giggle. Luckily for me,
I love a beard. I love a mustache. That can conceal a lot of the face. It can conceal a lot of... If you're not happy with what you're rocking with, grow a beard, okay? If you can't grow a beard, grow a mustache. If you can't do that, get like a... Get a... What's that called? What do they get done up here? Hair plugs. Get stash plugs, okay? Maybe look into some mustache plugs. That could really suit you well. Now, my profile, I think I've kind of...
I'm very hyper aware of myself and how I come off. I'm kind of forced to be with my job. I'm totally aware, you know? I'm not the most hottest, gorgeousest, sexiest person alive, but I'm not ugly, okay? I'm somewhere in the ether. I'm somewhere floating in the ether between the two. Gotta pull off stops. I think also just naturally,
I grew up not really getting a lot of attention from men, so you have to be funny. Okay? I have to have something that'll, what about this, boss man? You know, and I pull out a little jig. I start dancing. Oh, yeah, I'm not pretty in the face. Watch how these feet move. I start doing an Irish jig, okay? And then the king and queen say, and they keep me around. They give me one of those little gesture collars and a little bell on my hat. And I'm, okay? That's sort of my purpose and role in life thus far.
So in every aspect of my life, don't know how to not be funny. Okay. Don't know how to not have that be the frontward facing thing. And you know, it's a catch 22 that makes me want to kill myself. Men don't like funny women. Okay. Because men hate women because men like men. And I think that it's just like being cursed. It's being cursed with skill and charm. Okay. And I know I'm all my funny bitches out there. I know you agree.
Have you ever? It is so evident when you're talking to a man and you're like, I am funnier than him. I am smarter than him. I am cooler than him. I love those posts that are like, just remember any dude you ever talked to is just some guy. Like, oh, he made you feel bad about it. He's just some guy. Dude, who is he, dude? Who the fuck is he? Oh my God. Who is that? Okay. So,
All that to say, okay, that's sort of my MO, my modus operandi on these apps. And I'm only on one app. I'm not like, I just, you know. And so, swiping and swiping, I come across this young gentleman who has a profile that makes me literally giggle out loud. He is tall. He has a mustache. He's funny. He has a real job. And I said, oh, shit. I came across him. I was like,
I'll swipe. I'll throw a right swipe. He's like my level of cute, I'd like to think. You know, like a seven or eight. And I was like, I can, I would be willing to bet. So I swipe. Match. Imagine my shock. Imagine my horror. My butthole. My butthole tightened up. Oh, shit. So I messaged him. And I said, I'm not going to say his name.
I said, you've charmed me, mind, body, and soul. Which is that Ricky Gervais clip. Have you seen that? Okay, where are the ACOTAR girls? Fucking indulge me for a second, even if you're not an ACOTAR adult. There's this Ricky Gervais clip. Okay, so in ACOTAR, oh my God, will it ever escape me? In ACOTAR, it's a 500-year-old high fae, fairy, high lord, president of whatever, okay?
He's charmed by this like 17 year old girl. Okay. Because of course, because, okay. And so there's this meme, this Ricky Gervais clip from the office where he goes, this woman's talking and he's sitting just looking at her and he goes, you've charmed me. Okay. And that was like the high Lord to the human girl. That was me to this guy. And I said, you've charmed me, mind, body, and soul. And he responded back and he said,
God damn it again. He was like, I have got to stop doing that. It's really getting me into trouble. And I said, once you put a, I said, like, once you open a can of worms, you can't put them back in. It's like squeezing the toothpaste out. We went back and forth. I'm not joking. Four hours. Okay. Next day, same thing. Next day, same thing. Next day, same thing. Now every single morning I wake up, I'm like, has he messaged me? And he's eight hours ahead because he's in fucking Dublin. And now we're talking. Okay. It's been like five days.
I text my friend Katie and I said, it's going to be different this time. I'm not going to be crazy. I'm shaking. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I start pulling out all my body hair. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. Okay. Next time you see me, I'm bald. I have no eyebrows. I've picked every single hair off. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.
Okay, when I really start to like a man, I feel myself getting fucking crazy. Now, okay, I'll finish and then I'll get to my sort of philosophical rundown. This man is, and I hate to talk nice on a man. Okay, I hate to talk, I hate this as it comes out of my mouth. So few times in my life have I ever spoken to a man who isn't my dad where I've thought, you can go toe-to-toe with me. And I don't mean that in a way that's like,
you know, fluffing my ego or whatever. Like, I know I've put a lot of work into having the level of confidence that I do of,
You know, men don't like, think about it. Why don't men like funny women, funny, smart women? Because they're jealous. Because they're jealous that they are not that smart and funny. It's a skill that they envy. And so they reject you. They make you feel bad. They tear you down. Okay. And this, again, I'm speaking in generalities. I'm not speaking if your boyfriend, your husband's great. I believe you. Okay. So few times in my life, and I literally mean this, the exceptions are my dad, Trixie Mattel, and Stanley, and maybe Jack Inanen.
Where a man can go toe-to-toe with me and I'm like, this is a fair match. Like they're in my weight class, so to speak. Where I feel like I'm struggling sometimes to keep up with them and it ebbs and flows. You know, like there are moments where like,
You have the upper hand, they have the upper hand, it's whatever, but you are matched. And it is such a beautiful banter where you're learning from each other, you're sharing interests, and you're connecting on those interests. And it's done in such an intelligent way. This first conversation I had with this dude, we were talking about, not talking about, but we were making references in a comedic way to Jane Eyre, Eyes Wide Shut,
uh of mice and men 1984 like really oh my god elephants foot chernobyl i whipped out the special interest of chernobyl bitch and he matched me he matched me we were going special interest for special interest and he was right there and then he pulled out something i was like okay i don't know about that quick google search okay let let me educate myself get back in the game
It is so much fun to talk to him. And he is so cute. I'm obsessed with him. It's like, I'm not crazy. I've never been crazy. I'm never going to be crazy. I'm actually normal. I am normal. Can't really speak for you bitches. I'm very normal. So if you listen to this podcast, that must mean you're also normal. Because my thought process, my obsession level, very experts would say clinically normal. I'm just very normal. Normal SpongeBob. Put him up here. This dude...
We're messaging back and forth. And I'm starting to get the feeling that he is, of course, he's like traditionally educated. I think he has a master's degree. So he's matching me like on my academic references. And then he's chronically online. Do you know how fucking hard it is to find people who have both? Again, Stanley and Jack are like the only straight men that I've found that can like get it, you know?
And of course, my woman friends do. Like, I'm talking about men exclusively, how rare it is for men. Almost all of my woman friends are that level for me. You know, like, I have found such a community in the sisterhood of, okay, I could cry. So this dude, we're talking back and forth.
And I sent something about like... I referenced some stupid... Because I'm on fucking straight TikTok sometimes. Like look maxing. Look maxing! I'm not even going to try to explain that if you don't get it. It's a fucking straight TikTok thing. Look maxing and mewing and like being handsome pilled, all that. I sent something like that, hoping that he would get it. He sent me back a message that said...
I need you in the most biblical sense. And I said, are you? I'm normal. I'm normal. I'm normal. I'm normal. He's my husband. I'm not. Okay. If you see me, if you see me next three months, four months, I come on here and I have a glow to me. Just know something happened.
Just know something happened. Or I'll regret it. I'll live to regret it. Usually that's how it's going to go, okay? I'm choosing to stay hopeful. Am I getting those manifestation TikTok audios? Yeah, okay? I will not be crazy this time! You will not make me crazy! Usually men disappoint me, and usually men who are that funny and are willing to go toe-to-toe with me don't want me, okay? They want me as a friend. Understandable. Also...
I know men like that like talking to me because they feel the same way. It's a challenge. You know, like I'm keeping them on their toes. It's a funny, what is she going to say next? What am I going to say? It's fun. You know, to talk to someone with that level of like witty conversational banter is a lot of fun. My worry comes in that usually men like that are incredibly emotionally unavailable. That is just kind of a given fact not to be disputed. Science speaks for itself. Okay.
I don't want to assume things about him. Again, I've like, I've been talking to him for a week, maybe. And I'm trying not to be crazy because I really, really like talking to him. We've never spoken on the phone. We've never whatever. Like, we're just, we're texting. It moved off the app. Okay. But beyond that, I mean, he also, he accounts for the time difference. I account for the time difference. He'll be like, you know, I gotta, he's up at work. I'm going to bed, all that sort of shit. It's crazy. So,
Oh my god. All that to say, I'm going to Ireland in July. That's not a joke. I'm going to Ireland, Ireland, Ireland, Ireland in July to see Hosier in Dublin. And I think I'm going to the UK in late June. I think I have a show there to be determined. Not sure. Hasn't been like details confirmed yet. But I will be across the pond this summer.
to really just experience the horrible, awful weather in Ireland. I've heard that it's terrible. Rain, wind, cold, or humid. Can't wait. So I really am going in July. And now I'm like, okay, this is what I was talking to my friend Katie about the other day. Again, I'm oversharing and I'm okay with it, I guess. I was talking to my friend Katie about this and I was like,
So what, we're just going to fucking message on WhatsApp for five months? Like, before I get there? Oh, he's going to lose interest. And then it's like, why are you counting yourself out? Or also, you never know. Like, and my therapist, before I fired her, used to tell me this too. You have a problem with always. Oh, this always happens. Or he'll always this, that. Like, men always...
You speak in absolutes and that's not how life works. You know, life can surprise you. Life always has something around the corner. You hear a lot of the times life starts at 30. Okay. I'm not even 30 yet.
People will go through complete marriages and divorces, job changes, state changes, have children, and then they'll come on TikTok and be like, my life began at 30. Your 20s are about fucking figuring it out. Your 30s are about having fun, okay? I'm trying to be in the mindset and a healthy mindset of if this doesn't work out, it was fun to talk to him, you know? And maybe if I'm there...
It's like a friendly thing, okay? Do I want him? Yes! Do I want him so bad that I go to bed thinking about it? Yes! Okay? He's so cute! Oh my god! Okay, so I will be there in July. What the fuck, bitch? I mean, it's just horrible. Like, I think this is why...
I'm not on these apps. I don't do this bullshit. It's because when I get attention from a man that I like, and that's the caveat. In the past, it's been attention from any man. Now, it's when I actually get attention from a man I like, how do you not think about it all the time? Like, I'm trying to do my daily tasks. I'm trying to do my work. Bitch, it's so hard. It's so hard. And the time difference sucks. Time difference kind of helps, though, because it's like, okay, I know...
I know he's asleep. He's not gonna bother me or like whatever, you know? And he texted me 10 minutes ago and I'm like itching and scratching. I'm like itching my fucking neck to answer it. Okay. Anyway, that's the update. And I'm challenging myself in this regard to maintain boundaries with myself, you know, of like,
You need to have clear boundaries in your life of how much time you're willing to give to this dude, some dude, okay? Any man is just some dude. He's some dude, even worse, from the internet. My life is more important, and I hate to, I'm going to throw out a song, okay? Oh, we got to do my songs of the week. Okay, let's do my songs of the week because one of them is actually applicable. First song of the week, which I'm about to talk about, is the song.
This is a curveball. I'm gonna throw it to you. It's called Word on the Streets by Key Glock. Okay. And in this song, Mr. Key Glock, Mr. Glock, if you will, he says, I'll never put a bitch before my money. I'll never put a bitch before my money on my mummy. Okay. That is so true.
I would never put a young gentleman above my career, my job, what I have to do on a daily basis, my team, the people who work for me, like everything that I've built. Why would I fucking put that on pause for someone? And I'm getting ahead of myself, of course. I'm like, you know, we're putting the carriage before the horse. But I have to like have these conversations with myself because I become so obsessive and I become so like, oh, well, you know, true, true love.
You're normal, you're normal. Don't be crazy, don't be crazy. So that, this song, and I'm not, I'm being very earnest when I say this. This song really is out. Word on the streets by Key Clock. Don't listen to it if you want to. It's wild. Okay. And I'm, let's keep in the same vein, guys. I'm not really proud of the songs I'm about to give you. But here we go. Flawless by Yeet and Lil Uzi Vert. I love that song.
And then, of course, we'll throw in Texas Hold'em and Sixteen Carriages. Those have also been on repeat. But let's add in a fifth one because I'm feeling crazy. Noah Khan had his song with Sam Fender come out. Freaked the fuck out. Could you imagine? Try to imagine it, okay?
♪ Well, I grew up in the fallout of the riots from the 90s ♪ I love his little accent. He's so cute. It's called "Homesick" by Sam Fender and Noah Kahn. ♪ 'Cause I grew up in New England ♪ Okay? Love that song. Another one I've been really, really fucking with lately is "God, the Reason" by Hoopa Stank. Do y'all remember that song?
♪ And the reason is you ♪ ♪ And the reason is you ♪ I was with Nashville Cash in Nashville recently. I went out there for some work stuff and I got to see him. And we went to lunch at this Mexican place that ended up giving me food poisoning, by the way. And they played this song over the radio and it was The Reason by Hoobastank, Latin version,
almost went topless. I was going crazy. We're doing dad rock Latin version that Britney core. That's broski core. Okay. Jonathan Moly and who bestang. It's the reason Latin version. I saved it immediately. It's been on repeat. I'm obsessed with it. Okay. Another one, a country recommendation. If y'all are, you know, if, if
Beyonce's country thing has kind of put you on to maybe I'd like to explore some country music. First of all, hit my line, okay? I can give you some recommendations for the flavor or brand that you're going for. If you want more pop country, like a Luke Combs sort of John Party thing, I can give you recommendations there. If you want to go more Tyler Childers, Colter Wall, indie country maybe, indie like traditionalist revival country, okay?
If you want bluegrass, I can give you some old bluegrass recommendations. Or this sort of thing that I'm really kind of digging into. I don't really know how to. I mean, it's just like good songs. Till It Does by Randy Rogers and Wade Bowen. Yeah, the intro of that song is going to... It just opens my heart to something that is so... It makes me emotional. I don't know what. I think that there's such a spiritual connection to...
To folk music, to country music for me, especially being from Texas, I think it reminds me of home. And it also, it's just good fucking music. I think I always say sonically, but like truly, there's something about the combination of a steel guitar, a fiddle, a banjo that all just fits together. It was supposed to go together. Oh my God, I found this TikTok the other day of, it's these two women from Appalachia who play banjo and...
I think the ganjo, which is a guitar banjo. They play them. And then they have a friend who I think she's a Chinese woman who came to she left China and came to live in, I think, West Virginia. I could be making that up. And she plays the mandolin and another. The name escapes me. It's like a traditional Chinese instrument. And they play them together.
Oh my God, it was the coolest thing I've ever fucking seen in my life. And it fits. It fits. And this is, I always talk about this. I think I talked about this a few episodes ago, how folk music across every culture has some similar elements, which is crazy when you think about it. Like it's really crazy. Either the instrument itself,
It has a similar, like, body and sound to a country on the complete opposite side of the world before we had the internet to sort of, you know, compare and contrast models. There is, I think, humans are called to folk music. It is something in the bones. And that may sound cringey. I don't care. I truly believe that. I think it's something very, very spiritual. It's something very...
the human propensity and need to dance and sing. Okay, sorry if that's like... Humans need to dance and sing. It is part of the human condition, the human experience. You have got to dance and sing. Don't give a fuck. If you haven't danced and sang recently, if you have not danced and sung, try it. There's that old woman on TikTok who goes live when she's had a tough day. She'll just spin around.
That's what I'm about to start doing with this fucking man. He's going to drive me up the wall. I'm just going to start going live and start spinning. Just spin around. I got a lot of emotions I need to get out. I'm just going to start spinning naked. TikTok's going to ban me. I need to do this for my soul. I need to do this for my spirit. I just need to dance. I need to get it out. There's something. It's real. Okay? Word on the streets by Key Glock. Always thinking about that song. Usually.
In the vein of the young gentleman I'm talking about, again, I'm trying to maintain a healthy perspective on I enjoy talking to this person. It's evident he enjoys talking to me as well because who the fuck wouldn't? Because I'm cool and like I would like to talk to me too. You know what I mean? Like I – it's not this –
Oh my God, he's giving me attention. It's truly, genuinely, I like talking to him. Like he, oh my God, and he's so funny. He literally makes me laugh. Usually when I talk to man, it's like a sympathy laugh or it's like a, you know, it's one of those like, I'm trying to make you feel good. So you like me? It's a people pleaser trick. He makes me really laugh, like genuinely laugh. Oh, what the fuck? Oh God! What?
That is so nasty. That is so wretched and vile. Oh, I was going to say manifestation audios. Manifestation audios and videos on TikTok, I think need to be permanently banned. That is a form of psychological harassment that I did not consent to. I did not sign up for. Am I liking them? Yes. Am I saving the audios? Yes. Is that feeding the algorithm the information and knowledge that I'd like to receive more of those videos? Yes. Still, they need to be banned. It's like fucking gambling, dude. It literally gives me the rush like I'm gambling.
Like I just hit the fucking slottoes. Like I'm at the slot machine, ching, ching, ching. Okay? And instead of dollar signs, it's just fucking ginger men from Ireland. What the fuck? Deluxe to the Irish, fuck you! Playing the slot machine of TikTok with manifestation audios. He will text you in seven minutes, just like and save this sound. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You bitches need to be shot. That is crazy.
like this audio and trust me, bro. Dable, what are you talking about? I do it. Can't play with fate, okay? Sometimes it'll be like, look at the time that you're seeing this TikTok. And sometimes it'll be 333. Let me look up what 333, 333 angel number meaning. Angel number brings positivity, spirituality, and mental peace and abundance in life.
Extremely loud, incorrect buzzer. Mental peace and spirituality. Angel number 333, an important message from your guardian angel about new life, abundance, and spiritual awakening. Under the influence of angel number 333, you'll be encouraged to speak your truth in all situations, T. This will help you become more in tune with who you truly are and will lead you to a place of true peace and inspiration. My question is who the fuck, this is from Pinterest, dude. It's from hiddennumerology.com. Consider the source.
Okay? I find myself exhibiting boomer behavior sometimes where I'll see something online. I'm like, no way. Did you see? And then I'll go and I'll tell it to somebody. I didn't fact check that shit. Consider the source. Hiddennumerology.com. Fucking grow up. Now, I also see 222 a lot. Oh, and I've already Googled it. Can't remember.
Angel number 222 signifies good fortune in finances, relationships, and career, as well as a reminder to work toward your soul's purpose. That's tea. Now this one, I like this one. Oh wait, and 777 was another one that I saw.
associated with wisdom, intuition, and divine connection, the angel number 777 is considered a powerful spiritual message. When it appears repeatedly in your life, it is a reminder that you are on the right path and that you are in tune with your purpose and mission in life.
I get little signs like this throughout my life that I haven't really dissected in full, but sometimes I'll see something and I'm like, that's a sign. Or I think deja vu is that. When you get deja vu, that means that you are on the right path. In my mind, and I don't know where this idea came from. Let me know if y'all have this feeling too. When you get deja vu, it's like,
I imagine a bunch of different timelines. And in that moment, two crossed and lined up perfectly. And I think that signifies that like, I'm on the right track in my life, in the greater sort of speed racer racetrack of my life. I'm on the right path.
I don't know what that means. I don't know if, you know, on the right path could mean you're headed down a dangerous or harmful path, but it's because the universe knows it will bring you back to the right path and you will have learned a lesson from that. So it's not a very comforting thing because your path ebbs and flows and winds and bends, but it is a little comforting knowing that
you know, maybe I'm not, I'm not too far from what I was supposed to do in this lifetime. Stay with me. Okay. Another one I see all the time, like for example, every time I look at the fucking oven clock, it's one, one, one. I was driving the other day. It was stuck behind a bus that was bus one, one, one. So what does that mean? And I've already Googled it too. I can't remember. I can't fucking remember these. What does angel number one, one, one mean?
It represents opportunity, good luck, and achievement. Okay, do any of these fucking initial numbers represent sex and love with an Irish man? 111 can encourage individuals to take risks and welcome fresh experiences in their relationships. What?
Signify confidence within yourself and motivate your own strength and decision-making when opportunities are sent your way. Be a sign that new opportunities are on the way or that this is the start of a new beginning. Be a sign to trust what's happening in your life and recent ideas you've been having. Okay? So many of these angel numbers are like, okay, so I'm supposed to just trust what? Trust what, boo? All right, I'll keep you guys updated on the fucking...
On the Irishman front, I'm feeling nervous. I'm feeling sweaty. I'm feeling scared. I'm feeling neurotic. Normal. Also very normal. Again, put normal SpongeBob up here. This is me. Hi, I'm normal. Hi, how are you? That's me. That's me talking to him. Hi, how are you? I'm normal. Last night we were talking about first date ideas and...
He suggested that I tie him to the railroad tracks and leave him there. I suggested that we buy guns and shoot each other. He suggested that we go into a sensory deprivation tank and leave each other there. So I really like that. Oh, he also suggested a sensory deprivation tank and then he rolls me down the hill in it. I did like that idea as well. So it's very romantic. I think about him all the time. I'm obsessed with him. It's kind of a...
It's crippling. It really is. I can't do my daily tasks. It's horrible. And then last night he was talking about, it's just out of context. It's like, oh, what the fuck? Hey, what? Kind of concerning. Last night he was like, I need to go to bed. He stayed up way too late because it was the weekend and he texted me and he was like, I have got to go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, lunatic. I've never been hornier in my life. He called me a
I need him so bad. I need him so bad. We can make a beautiful life together. Our kids would have the bluest eyes and the palest, just, you can't even put them in the sun. Those kids would be so pasty white. You put them in the sun, they turn into a fucking lobster. Okay? You put them in the sun. Am I going to have kids that wear a sun shirt? I'm going to have kids that wear a sun shirt. Okay, that's it for this episode. Love you guys.
I'm going to go smoke a cigarette. This has been horrible. Love you. Be safe. Goodbye. Oh, Broski Report merch is still live. If you want it, go buy it. Broski.shop. And New Rule Court on the 20... 21st? 22nd? Don't know. It's up to Stanley. We'll see. Okay. Love you guys. Bye.
