Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
Watch Team USA during the Olympic Games with Xfinity Mobile. Stream every record-breaking moment with fast Wi-Fi on the go. Get the fastest connection to Paris with Xfinity. Proud partner of Team USA. Learn more at Xfinity.com slash Team USA. Restrictions apply. Available in select areas. Xfinity Mobile requires Xfinity Internet. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
Actually, what would my WWE walkout be? My WWE walkout would be...
Or this Muse song I've been obsessed with lately, Stockholm Syndrome or Uprising by Muse. How does that song go? That would be my walkout song.
Hey guys, welcome back to another Brosgate Report. I feel fucking crazy. Guys.
A lot to talk about today, okay? We're going to be jumping all over the place. Don't really, I'm going to apologize up front for the things that I'm going to talk about. I'm also going to tell you right now, what am I sipping on? We're sipping, listen to that. Yeah, we're sipping on a half sweet, half unsweet iced tea in my Fuzzy's taco shop cup, okay? What's it say on here? It's taco clock somewhere. I know that's fucking right, okay? You know, my latest sort of like,
What do they what do y'all call it vocal stem of the week? The thing that I walk around my house saying is well all we can do is pray for It applies to anything. It's the new bit if someone's doing really bad or someone's doing really well It's well, I'll wait news pray for that Theo Vaughn clip. I don't know if if Theo Vaughn the girls like him, right and
I've always thought Theo Vaughn is hilarious, but I don't know if he's problematic. So what are we talking about today? First of all, some housekeeping. Broski Report merch is still live. Go get it, guys. If you want it, go get it. It ships out the week of April 1 because it's made to order. So go get that. Now, next order of business. I was on the pit stop. I was on the pit stop with Trisha Martell, my sister in Christ, my brother in arms, and
And we just had a good old time, didn't we? Sister Trish. When I get to see my sister Trish. I love her. I love Trish. You know, whenever someone comes up to me in person, they're like, I love you and Trixie Mattel. I'm like, well, she's really hard to look at, but she is sure fun to be around. And they're like, I'm not joking. You ever looked at her? Yeah, try sitting across from her. Katya is a God warrior. Katya is a warrior of God. All right. We don't talk about it enough.
I love Trisha. We did Pit Stop. It was so much fun. I cannot believe queens get paid to do that. That is the ideal job. You get paid to sit around and watch Drag Race? Yeah, bitch. To sit around, watch Drag Race, and give your opinion? Yeah, bitch. Sign me up. I did. I told Trisha that I was like, the girls are going to literally like quarter and what's that called? Draw and quarter? Draw and quarter. Definition.
Hey, don't care. Don't care what the fuck is the definition. Draw and quarter is a medieval expression that refers to two brutal forms of execution. Execution by horses. Tying each... Ooh, we should implement some of these in Broskinew.
Execution by horses, tying each of the victim's limbs to a different horse and then driving the horses in four different directions. You know that that ASMR was crazy. Damn, King Edward had some crazy ASMR. Sorry. Execution by hanging, hanging the victim, disemboweling them while they're still alive and then beheading and dismembering them. Right. Oh, holy fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Quarter? Oh! Oh! Quarter, oh! Literally means cutting the person's body into four parts or quarters. Oh! Right. The punishment was considered one of the most brutal and inhumane forms of execution. Well, yeah, I could definitely see that being sort of the case there. Oh my God, have y'all ever been to a medieval torture museum?
Very, very niche-esque. Have y'all ever been to a medieval torture museum? Let me tell you something. It's crazy. It's bonkers. Okay? I think we should bring back some of those. We should bring back some of those for just like really petty crimes.
not like stealing from Walmart or stuff like that. That's sort of like, ah, you got me. You know what I mean? I don't think stealing from Walmart is worth like drawing and quartering, but something as simple as like, okay, this is a thing in California and I don't know if this is a thing anywhere else in the fucking continental United States to merge onto the highway. There is a stoplight. Like you get on the feeder road, the access road, and you're,
You stop. Like, you fully are about to merge onto the highway, then you stop. And I think it's to control the traffic flow so it's not bottlenecking and so it doesn't, like, back up into the actual street, like crossroad streets. But it's so fucking stupid because you think people actually sit there and do that shit? No, girl! They blow right through that bitch. They are not stopping.
And I, because I'm like, it's going to be me. I have that fucking curse on me. If I do this and I follow suit and I just blow through this light, guess who's getting a fucking ticket, girl? Me. My dumb ass. And I'm going to get sent that picture of me in the driver's seat just blowing through it. Listening to Meg the Stallion level 28 volume, maxing out my speakers, hands on 10 and 2, blowing through it.
Did anyone else get a ticket? No. Just me. If you blow through those lights, I think you should be drawn and quartered. Because it, like, you are defeating the purpose. I think, honestly, if the light worked, if people actually abided, abode by the rules, and they...
were able to merge onto the highway in a way that actually, you know, monitors and regulates the traffic flow, maybe it would work, okay? It doesn't. Oh my God, completely separate thing yesterday. I was driving to Brooke Averick, Lady Efron's podcast release party. Her podcast is out, I believe, today. Oh, you're going to watch, it's my sister, I love her.
It's called Obsessed. Her new podcast is called Obsessed, of course. Because of course it is. Like, one thing about me and Brooke that we have in common, we don't know how to like something normal. And I think she really embodies that. I'm so excited about the podcast. Anyway, I was on the way to, she had a little trivia night. It was a Brooke-themed trivia night. It was Criminal Minds, ACOTAR, Glee, and Broadway. Those were the fucking categories. ACOTAR.
ACOTAR, of course. ACOTAR, of course, I won for my little group. They were like, we haven't read. Yeah, I know you bitches haven't read. You bitches can't read. I will be the fountain of information, the fountain of knowledge on ACOTAR. You can bet on me for that. I'm on my way there. I was in Santa Monica and I'm driving there and I'm headed. This is about to be the most California sentence I've ever. And trust me, it hurts coming out. I'm like saying this.
I'm headed south on the 405, okay? It's like a windy highway through the mountains. On the opposite side of the highway headed north, there is a police lineup of like, I'm not joking, probably 15 to 20 cop cars. It's spearheaded by three.
And then behind those three are two stretch limousines with American flags up front, like the little flags that they, and they're going super slow, which I'm just like, why the fuck would you do this? Take a fucking helicopter. Oh, you bitches are so annoying. And I'm like, oh my God, who do you think that could be? Is it Obama? Is it Trump? Is it Joe Biden? Or is it like a senator or a congressman or whoever?
And if that's the case, why wouldn't you just fly? Why are we driving? Why do we have two stretch limousines and a fucking 30 police car police escort stopping traffic on a Wednesday night? Oh, you bitches. And so I look over and I'm like, oh, holy shit. If it's not presidential, then it's something. Time to find out. I call my mother because I'm driving. I call my mother and I say,
Can you Google something for me? She's like, yeah, what's going on? I was like, there is an escort happening on the 405 right now. So we're in SoCal. Can you look up on Twitter or somewhere? Like who's here? Turns out it was the Veep. It was Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris, welcome to SoCal. SoCal, the best cow, we like to call it. SoCal, best cow, the fancy cow. I love SoCal. I live in SoCal. I was like, oh, holy shit.
Drove by Kamala Harris. Okay, we did it, Joe. We did it, Joe. I wonder if she could hear me blasting Megan Thee Stallion from my car. Kamala! Woo! Okay, bye, girl. I'll see you, girl. Okay, I don't know where you're going. Okay. If y'all were headed that way, I passed the Canes earlier. Y'all stop at that Canes. I love you. I'll see you, girl. Okay. That was me on the 405. Oh my God, Kamala, you did not tell me you were passing through here. What are you doing? You are crazy!
Well, no, I can't talk. No, I would love to. No, no, no. Don't stop the car. Okay. Stop the car. Wait, no, I'm headed to Santa Monica. Yeah, I'm doing, you know, bro. Yes. Yes. And her point. Yes. So that actually comes out tomorrow. I'm the first episode. Oh, Kama, you are too sweet. KK. We like to call her KK. KKH. Kamala Kardashian, if you will. We like to call her that too.
I said, Kamala, you are so sweet. No, please, I have to go. I really can't stay another minute. I've got to hit the road. Yeah, y'all were blocking traffic. Y'all were crazy over there. Okay, besitos. Bye, KK. That was me on the 405 with her. Anyway, crazy. These politicians are just, I always think, I don't know why I don't think that they're like,
going to be driving on the highway. I don't know. Well, she wasn't, of course. Someone was driving her. But I was like, whoa, that's the first time I've ever seen like a presidential-esque escort
And just, they were just on the road. And of course they stopped traffic. So it was the three police cars, the two stretch limousines. I wonder if anyone was with her. And then like, I'm not joking, 15 cop cars behind her. And one of them was doing like a serpentine thing, like the very last one at the very end of the procession. And I think it was so no one would try to like rush up next to the cop cars or like speed up and, you know, I don't know. People are crazy, whatever they try to do.
I was like, damn, that's crazy. There's like a protocol for this shit. You can't just be like, all right, let's get in the Tahoe. Kamala, let's get in the Tahoe. Pick it up. Let's go. Anyway, that's what I'd do if Kamala Harris was staying at my house. I'd be like, Kamala, we were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago. Get your ass in that car. We've got to go. We don't have time to stop at Cain's anymore. I told you if you want to stop at Cain's, we got to leave 15 minutes early. That line is damn long. Get in the, well, we don't have time.
"Oh, I don't give a shit that you're hungry. Hopefully they have Reese's Pieces at the town! Lord knows you took your sweet time!" Anyway, drawing and quartering was in 1305. The Scottish rebel William Wallace was hanged, drawn, and quartered for being a traitor to King Edward I. Damn, so this dude had a punishment invented for him. That's fucking crazy. Damn. He was like, King Edward was just
Oh, I fucking hate it. Okay, hear me out. What if we got four horses and we tied this motherfucker to the horses and we said, and they ran? Yeah. Okay, what if we did that for everything? Anyway.
I think we should introduce drawing and quartering in a broski nation, but for like really, really heinous, like not, not deserving crimes, but also it's a joke. Like we'd, we'd strap you to stuff and I'd be like, any final words on my little throne in front of the town square? You'd be like, please, please. And I was like, nah, I'm just joking. All right. Untie him. Untie him. It was a joke. It was a prank. Drawing and quartering someone is a prank. Holy shit.
Jake Paul core. It was a prank! Okay. What the fuck was I talking about drawing and quartering for? Oh, how did I get there from Pit Stop? Yeah, Pit Stop was a lot of fun. The reaction has been really, really nice. Everyone who's sent me messages or all the comments on the video are like really, really sweet. And I'm like, you know, because I was talking to Trixie beforehand and I was like, I feel really nervous about
being on a show like Pit Stop because anytime someone who's, you know, on the show who isn't a queen or who doesn't do drag in some capacity or is associated with the drag world, they're kind of discounted. You know, like, why the fuck are you there? Which I totally understand. What opinion could you possibly share that could be constructive or helpful in any sense? I totally understand. But as a longtime fan of Drag Race, I mean, I told Trixie on the show I've been watching Drag Race since season four.
Season six. I started at season six and then I went back and watched. And then I've been caught up ever since. But it's like that was a part of my literal childhood. I was a sophomore in high school. Drag Race has been a part of my life for a really long time.
And I don't, I mean, when it comes from the perspective of a fan, I think that that is relatable in a sense, you know, where it's nice to see two queens talk about Drag Race and they obviously have the inside scoop where they can relate to or say, well, in my experience, you know, this was kind of the experience on the show, but as a fan of the show, no.
So it's fun to just also with like one of my besties, like to sit there across from Tracy and be like, yeah, girl, I live for plain Jane. I live, you know, it was really just fun. I mean, it's, it's a fucking blast. This job is stupid and it's not real. So that was kind of a dream come true. And, uh, I think she's doing a great job as the host. That is not an easy gig. I mean, to kind of lead that conversation totally from the ground up. And, and obviously they have a structure that you kind of need to follow, but there's a lot of pickups and there's a lot of, you know,
Television is just not as natural and easy as you may think. Television, against all odds, sometimes is scripted, okay? I hate to burst the bubble. Anyway, thank y'all, because the reaction on Pitstop's been really, really great. Okay, here are the three songs of the week. I kind of want to get into it early just because
It's on my mind, okay? And kind of in the vein of Drag Race, not even in the vein of Drag Race, in the vein of Trixie and Katya, one of my songs of the week is going to be by Linda Ronstadt. One of my songs of the week is going to be, You Are Lonely.
I've gotten a bunch of, for some fucking reason, Linda Ronstad videos on my For You page, and I eat every single one up. I get Old Cher, I get Linda Ronstad, I get the Mamas and Papas, I get Dolly, of course, Dolly and Porter Wagner,
I get old Johnny Cash. I get old Hank Williams. I get a lot of, and then like every now and then it'll be like Mariah Carey's best vocal moments. And I'm like, fuck yeah. And then I'll sit there and watch the nine minute long TikTok of, okay, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, who you got? And I'm like, that's an impossible choice, but I'll sit here and I'll make the choice. Oh my God. It is so sad what's happening to Celine Dion. Her like health is
Celine Dion's sister says singer doesn't have control over her muscles. Oh my god. Grammy winner and international icon Celine Dion is working hard but doesn't have control over her muscles, her sister Claudette has told Canadian media. Dion earlier this year cancelled all tour dates through 2024 due to a rare neurological disease called stiff person syndrome. That is so sad. In our dreams and hers, the goal is to return to the stage. In what capacity? I don't know.
The vocal cords are muscles and the heart is also a muscle. This is what gets me. It's a one out of a million case. The scientists haven't done that much research because it hasn't affected that many people. Oh my God, that fucking sucks. That is one of my biggest fears about getting older and aging. I'm not so much afraid of age. I'm afraid of the health risks and the health, the deteriorating health that comes with age. You know, like I...
I am acutely aware of my sort of lack of activity, my lack of dedication to living a healthy lifestyle. I am not looking for a lecture. I'm not looking for advice. I'm simply just relaying this information to you all.
I understand it's so important to wake up and stretch every morning and do vitamins and walk and move your body and, you know, core strength and all this. I totally understand. It's a lot easier said than done. Also, when I've struggled with an eating disorder my whole life, it's just, you know, it's a lot more fucking hard than it should be for no reason, because I guess I make it harder. My brain, I don't know. And that's one of the things, especially in my family,
Cancer of all types runs in my family. High cholesterol, high blood pressure, just an evil concoction of things that just sucks. And it's stuff like this where it's like, could Celine Dion have done anything to prevent this? No, it happens. And that fucking sucks too. And that's the shit, not to get super deep, not to get deep, but allow me, indulge me for a second. That's the stuff that'll make you religious. Because I know that,
in my family, there have been divine healings. And I say that, of course, with a grain of salt, because was it divine healing or was it, you know, the body's ability to regulate itself? Was it prayer? I don't know. My relationship with God and the church is what it is, but I don't know. I think there is something to be said about miraculous healings that cannot be explained. I know it happens. I know a lot of people have stories of it happening.
I never would rule that out, but it is situations like that where when it comes to someone's health, that is a situation where it is completely out of your hands. Your faith is in the doctors and beyond that, it sucks because there's a sort of wall there of you don't understand it. You don't understand the medical side of why this could happen, how it could have been preventable, how to treat it. Oh, there's no treatment. It's hopelessness. It's how do you even fathom
powering through this and being able to emotionally get through this both as the patient and as the family of the patient or the friends of the patient. It is a stress that only if you've lived through it, you understand it. And, you know, it's situations like that where I come on here and I talk a lot about my relationship with the church and how I feel as a young woman, it did me dirty and it left me reeling. I hope that
Through those conversations and through those opinions that I've shared,
I never want to seem like I'm shitting on someone's religion because religion is such a deeply personal thing and it's a cultural thing and it is so deeply ingrained. And I think that there is a separation between being able to say, okay, this element of religion and man-made religion and religious practices can be harmful. But on the other side, if that helps you make sense of the world and it helps you connect to hope,
human hope is such a fragile but strong thing, then I think that is beautiful. And I always come back to the point that a lot of, you know, I'm not saying I'm an atheist, but a lot of atheists come to this point of I envy the faithful because of that, you know, blind hope. And for some, it's not a blind hope. It is faith. That's what it's called. That's the definition. It's faith. And I've seen it and I've had it and I've lost it.
And in situations like that where your family member or you, you're going through a medical emergency that has you literally lifting your hands to the sky and being like, please help me. Please, anyone, anything, help me take away the pain, take away the pain for, you know, whoever is suffering. That is when religion is, I mean, it's truly the last, like, it's a Hail Mary.
And in that regard, I am so sympathetic to that. And I am so, I've been there and I understand it and I've watched it work and I've watched it fail. And I don't really have a definitive opinion or answer on it, but it is just one of the most tragic. I see a lot of comments on, this got really serious all of a sudden, sorry guys. I see a lot of comments on the podcast, on the YouTube, where a lot of y'all have said,
You know, you've recently experienced a death in the family or a death of someone very close or you've just not been doing well mentally. You're in the hospital, God forbid. And this podcast helps with that. I think that is so what an honor for me to sort of take your mind off of it, you know, because I've got I've been there where you're just waiting, waiting on someone to get better is just indefinite, stressful waiting. And
When you finally get the news, it's this rush of adrenaline. It's just, it's awful. And so my heart goes out to anyone who's currently dealing with that. I mean, back to Celine Dion, it's just like, I can't imagine to be. And when it happens to athletes too, you know, where it's like your skill, your talent, your gift that you have given to the world is how you use your body, how you use your muscles, how you use your voice. When that happens,
capability is stripped from you, I cannot imagine how crippling that feels. You know, like you have to learn how to interact with the world and express yourself in a completely different way. And I just, that's one of the most, you have to be so strong and it's so heart wrenching. My heart really goes out to, um,
Celine Dion and her family. I can't imagine. And what an icon. What a fucking icon. Who's done it like Celine Dion? Very, very few have done it like Celine Dion. And I know she knows that. At least I hope she knows that she is a literal living legend and she has left her mark on humanity. You know, so that's just wow.
Back to the music. Oh, a Whitney Houston song. Oh, Linda Ronstadt. We're talking about Linda Ronstadt, I Knew You When. The second one is Whitney Houston, You Light Up My Life. This song has been on repeat. Also, she did a song with Mariah, bitch, for the, what movie was that? The Prince of Egypt, dude! The Prince of Egypt!
The Prince of Egypt. I love that song. I love that song. This is from 1998. My Love is Your Love is the name of the album. When You Believe from The Prince of Egypt, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. That song chills. Chills all over my body. My nipples are hard. My leg hairs are raised. Wow. Third or I guess fourth song of the week. I'm just kind of firing them off at this point. It's never three. I always have more than three.
A song that I'm clinically addicted to and I'm kind of embarrassed about it because it's like so pop country is called Country Boys Dream Girl is the name of the song and it's by Ella Langley. And now I used to live by Langley Air Force Base. I believe that's in Virginia or it's in North Carolina. Langley. That's in Hampton, Virginia. Yeah, I used to live by Langley Air Force Base because my father used to work there. Okay. Because my father's a red-blooded patriot. Okay. Okay.
Not taking questions at this time on my father. Joint base Langley Eustace. Here's one of my deep fantasies, okay? And after I saw Top Gun for the first time and after I saw Top Gun Maverick, starring of course Miles Teller and Glenn Powell and Jay Ellis. Hi, Jay Ellis. Hello, Jay Ellis. Da, hello. Da, hello. We are selling schnitzel. We are selling schnitzel. Yoo-hoo. Da, yo-hoo. I have my little handkerchief.
Yo-ho, boys! Me to jail. This should be a How to Get a Restraining Order 101 podcast. I can really help with that course of action. If you guys are interested there, I could really give some pointers. Oh, yeah! Okay, I have this deep, visceral fantasy of, for some reason, okay, I have relocated the HQ.
Broski nation now has an underground base, a headquarters, a military operative base Somewhere near a famous American Air Force base. Okay, stay with me. We're sleeping in cots. We're underground. We're district 13 Okay, we're district 13-ing it from Hunger Games. We have a complete fully operative. We have nukes. We have missiles We have ammo. We have grenades. All of its underground. Broski nation, the Broski nation arsenal Tottenham, Arsenal Tottenham
Tottenham Forest vs. Arsenal. Arsenal vs. Liverpool. Liverpool. Not da freakin' football team. Sports soccer team. Arsenal definition. A collection of weapons and military equipment. Period. I'm so fuckin' smart. Oh, yeah, dude. This is what the British Canadian Arsenal looks like. Frackin' pull it up! The Royal Armoury and Leeds. Oh, that is fuckin' ridiculous. Those are all swords and, like...
What are these called? Pommels? Oh no, the pommel of a sword. These are called pauldrons up on your shoulders. These are knights helmets here. Swords. Those are crosses so that God blesses you in battle. God, the Holy Crusades were so fucking stupid if you really think about it. I want to start a history series where I just talk about men being fucking stupid throughout history. You're gonna start a holy war? Cringe. Oh, you started a literal holy war?
"My god's better than yours!" "No, my god's better than yours! What the fuck did you just say?!" You started to holy- Can we find something better to do with our time? What about the big ball of light in the sky? Maybe we should like, study that, study the moon, study the tides. "Your god called my god stupid! I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Anyway.
Holy war is crazy. Okay, anyway, back to the Royal Arsenal in Leeds. Yeah, this is kind of what the Broski nation one looks like, except actually, no, we would actually be equipped with a Victorian sort of weaponry or American Civil War era weaponry.
It's muskets. Reload! Oh, shit. You have to do the gunpowder. Oh, shit. Okay, look at... Oh, goddammit. And it's those old-timey cannons. Fire! Fire all! And you have to cover your ears like this. Actually, each member of the Broski...
The trimmer of the broski military is going to have to wear a balaclava like this. The one that I currently have on, teddy fresh balaclava with the little ears. Okay. And the colors. Well, I've said this before with regards to the furry military. Of course, furries are going to be on the front lines. The operatives are going to be kind of in the control room underground, helping with like geolocation and stuff like that and strategy. And from the north.
Quick, hide! Quick, invisibility cloaks! Oh my god, Warfare in a Broski Nation is crazy because we actually have dragons, but we're still fighting with Civil War era technology. And everyone's on camelback and horseback, but not normal horses, okay? Little Shetland ponies. And they trot like that. And they're real proper, they're real tiny, and their legs are this short. Anyway, furries are going to be on the front lines because what did I say in that video? Does anyone remember? Say it with me. Bulletproof outfits.
Bulletproof uniforms, okay? Well-known fact about furry costumes: they are bulletproof if you make them that way. Mine will be bullet-resistant, sweat-resistant, they will be built with AC and heater units inside of them. Night vision goggles in the fucking eyes! Are you guys listening? You care! Can I just get you guys to be serious for half of a fucking minute? It's so hard. Guys, pay attention. We're talking military strategy here. Anyway, back to the Royal Archives and Leeds.
Yeah, this is what ours looks like. That's where all the funding is going, okay? All the money that's being funneled into Broski Nation is being funneled out into the military complex that I'm creating underground in a sort of District 13-esque way, okay? Now, do I think Philip Seymour Hoffman is hot? Yeah, I do, okay? A little bit. So those were the songs. Yeah, Country Boys, Dream Girl. Again, how did I start talking about that?
How did I start talking about, y'all need to put me on one of those shows that's like, how do you connect this topic to this topic? I will find a way in five minutes or less. Let me cook. Let me cook, okay? I can connect Chernobyl to just about anything.
If you give me the time and a microphone, I can really make that happen for you. Those are the songs. The last song is Stockholm Syndrome by Muse. I've been in a Muse mood lately. I think Uprising by Muse was one of my songs of the week like three weeks ago. I love Muse. And I only recently realized that they are British. And you got to hand it to the British, okay? They know how to make an alternative grungy rock band and then reintroduce it to America. You know, that's actually tea.
If you're like a classic rock enthusiast, classic rock, quote unquote, one of the only like famous American rock and roll bands from that era is Aerosmith. All the other ones are fucking British, dude. Actually, I may be lying. Guns N' Roses, are they American? Wow. They're American. Yeah. 1985, Guns N' Roses and Aerosmith because fucking Led Zeppelin,
How about famous, famous rock bands from the 80s? Oh, guys, the diarrhea is churning. Okay, maybe I'm actually talking out of my ass. Motley Crue, are they British? Motley Crue's American. Let's fucking go. Def Leppard, English. Journey, American. ACDC, Australian? I thought ACDC was British. Fleetwood Mac, American. Of course, Rolling Stones, British. Queen, British. Dire Straits, British. Kiss, American. No, I didn't know that.
Whitesnake, English Iron Maiden, English Judas Priest, English See, so many of these are fucking British The Clash, English Hall of Notes, proudly American Okay, don't you forget it ZZ Top, American The Police, English Van Halen Van Halen's American? Did not know that Formed in Pasadena, California Let's fucking go Bon Jovi, American Guns N' Roses, American Metallica, American
That's actually tea. Oh, my mom loves Rush. Canadian. Let's go. Woo, Canada. Biggest band of the 80s. Let's consult Reddit. Who do you guys think was the most famous band in the 80s? Like everyone was like, oh my God. I think probably, well, no, Led Zeppelin was like 60s, 70s, I think. They had their heyday. Maybe I'm biased because Aerosmith, I grew up in an Aerosmith household. My stepmom loves Aerosmith and I do too.
I want to say Aerosmith, like, really, really was on top in the 80s. Who was the number one rock band in the 80s? This is from AmericanSongwriter.com, Guns N' Roses. Despite popping up midway through the decade, Guns N' Roses seismically shifted the tides of rock and roll when they came around. Rock on, rock on, rock on, rock on.
appetite for destruction brought something entirely new to the rock sphere while their grungy look quickly became adopted by their predecessors what the fuck was the movie that what's his name was in where he tom cruise is in where he played the rock guy rock of ages yeah this movie was this it oh this has terrible ratings okay why the fuck is alec baldwin in it yeah i think it's this one julianne huff and tom cruise yep it's this one
Oh, I fucking love this dude. I hope he's not problematic. God damn it. Diego Boneta. He played Luis Miguel in the... La Serie. The series on Netflix. I love that. And he was also... This motherfucker is in the famous video of... Extra hot, no foam, de la latte. Señora Awesome. Isn't he? That video where she's ordering coffee? Señora Awesome.
Senorita awesome coffee scene. Yeah from scream Queens, dude. What are you doing? Like a pumpkin spice latte you psychopath next time I get you fired or worse. Look at him. It's Luis Miguel Other barista. I know her. I mean, I just met her. I'm pledging Kappa. A lot of psycho on me named Chanel. She's president of the Kappa house and she thinks that means her poop smells like ginger beer.
She's the president of the Kappa house that means she thinks her poop smells like ginger beer if my shit smelled like ginger beer That would be a problem. I thought I'd have to go to the poop doctor Oh my god, y'all remember when I had to go to the poop doctor and I just shit in a bucket Do you guys remember that? I had to shit in a bucket and take it to my doctor The doctor was like I think I have IBS and he was like I need you to do something for me. He said
Miss Tomlinson, I need you to do something for me. And you're not going to like it. And I said, Doc, lay it on me. I'll do anything. Am I doing a secret mission? And he handed me a plastic bucket and said, I need you to. And I said, this must have been like what Cersei felt like during the Walk of Shame in Game of Thrones. And they paraded her through the city naked, ringing that bell. Shame! Shame! That was me having to shit in a literal bucket. And then give it to the doctor.
I don't- Hello! I'm here to drop off my schnitzel! Where the schnitzel after it wins for my body! Yoo-hoo! Dog! Can I see the poop, dog? Oh my god, I have never felt so fucking bare. Stripped bare. He is so cute in this, I just wish that he didn't act like that. She must think her poop doesn't smell like ginger beer water. She must think her poop doesn't smell like a matcha latte with double oat milk foam and some vanilla.
What are you talking about? Oh my God, I didn't even tell you. So my plan is to move in next to a, oh yeah, this movie. Hold on, go back. It is so fucking hard living in my brain for 30 minutes. Imagine trying to speak for an hour straight. What the fuck am I talking about? I had that moment about 36 different times filming one of these. What the fuck was I talking about? Anyway, Diego Boneta, he was in Luis Miguel and he was in Rock of Ages. Don't remember that. Rock of Ages, I think was this like,
movie where all these older stars were like, let's make a movie about the 80s. And then everyone was like, yeah, I love this dog. I remember watching it being like, what are these fucking old people? You know what one of my new favorite bits to do with my friends is? Is be like, wait, how old are you? And they'll be like, 27. Damn! I think that's a Kevin Hart bit. I think that's where I got that. Yeah, that was Kevin Hart and Don Cheadle. Where he said, how old are you? Damn!
- "I'm sorry."
I'm sorry. Because it was a thought. No, no, seriously. It was a thought. It was a thought, and I blurted it out. I'm fine. I didn't mean it that way. I'm fine. Okay. But just understand, I didn't mean it the way it came out. We'll take a poll on how you meant it with people here later after the show's over. I can sit up here and honestly say, buddy, that that was from a place of love. Got it. Like, damn. Like, damn. If we could play it back, these are two different dams. Play it back in slow motion. There was no, like...
- Wow, that's amazing. - I said, damn. - No, you said the word damn. Do you want me to tell you how you said it? - I know how I said it, dog. - Do you want me to say it back to you how I think you said it? - Go ahead. - Damn! - Not true. - Not true. - Fam. - I said. - Kevin. - I said, damn it. But at the same time. - That is so funny. - Damn! I'm 56 years old, damn! That is hilarious, girl. I'm gonna start doing that to my grandparents. Man, I held you again? Damn!
What is Langley Air Force Base known for? It's among the oldest continuously active air bases in the U.S. In 1916, the National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics, predecessor to NASA, so this was NACA, National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics, established the need for a joint airfield and proving ground for Army, Navy, and NACA aircraft. Damn, why is Langley Air Force Base closed? Didn't close.
things to do. Arts and crafts. Oh, on-base recreation. I don't know if any other military brats listen to this podcast, but if you grew up as a military brat, you know that on-base kind of slays. I mean, it gets kind of boring, but it kind of slays. It's fun. It can be fun. There's like, oh my God, I remember we lived in South Korea in 2008.
And going on base was like the highlight of my week because I was in sixth grade. We lived in a foreign country. I had friends. I also went to school on the American Air Force. I actually went to school on the American Army base because we lived in Seoul. The American Air Force base is in Osan. We lived in Seoul off base in a high rise apartment. And it was me and my family was five of us.
It's in South Korea. There aren't really that many American...
chain restaurants. I mean, there's McDonald's and stuff like that, but it's obviously it's like, that was my first time really out of the country experiencing something that wasn't familiar to me as a child. And I think that was the first time I experienced true homesickness where like, it was so hustle and bustle and it was so interesting to learn about everything. And, you know, I was meeting Korean American friends who were the children of American servicemen who had married a Korean woman while they were, you know, on duty.
And I was friends with those kids at my school and they would teach me Korean and we would talk about 21 and Wonder Girls and Girls' Generation and like the early sort of 2010s era of K-pop. And I had all the sort of cutesy like anime stuff and all the cute little, oh my God, one thing, one thing that I miss, well, I miss a lot about South Korea, but one thing that I really miss is how fucking cute their stationery is.
The little pins and pencils and erasers and boxes to hold it all in and little zipper pouches and backpacks. Oh, my God. The school supplies were so fucking cute. I miss them all the time. Luckily, I live...
kind of close. Well, not really close to Koreatown and Little Japan is what it's called in LA. And they have stores like that. And I literally go, I literally go and get myself little stage days. It's so cute with the little bunnies and the little like, oh my God, the little teddy bears. I do miss that. The food, oh my God, we would have like breaks in between classes because it was kind of, it was weird for a middle school. It was like,
I had to walk to my different classes. It wasn't, you know, just three or four classrooms. They were different buildings, different little portables, all it was a campus. And they had little stands where if you saved up enough won from whatever, you know, if your parents gave you money.
You could go and buy the like spicy noodles. I miss it so much. I miss living in Korea. It was really fun. What was I going to say? Oh, you know, sometimes after school, my mom would pick me up and I think my siblings were in pre-K or kindergarten. Actually, I don't know if my siblings were in school yet. They were really young. I think they were in kindergarten.
After she would pick them up and then me up, we would run errands on base, you know, for like whatever reason. And she would take us to the commissary and the BX. And those were places like...
that had, you know, Taco Bell and Popeyes and Pizza Hut and all this. And it was like, oh my God. And then they had like American toys. I mean, it was like a Walmart on base. They sold electronics and household stuff. And we would go there and it literally felt like such a treat when we got to go to the BX or to the commissary. So I was like, Popeyes. And they had ice cream, like American ice cream. It was just so fun. And I'm looking back on it now as like,
Those were just gross chain restaurants, but it's such a piece of home. And I know that there's a lot of that's a loaded statement of like, why do we associate nasty, gross, unhealthy chain restaurants, fast food chain restaurants with America? But of course we do.
And it is such a piece of comfort when you're overseas. It's like, oh my God. And it's not like, you know, if you've ever been to like a Spanish McDonald's or I went to a Taco Bell in London, it's fucking gross. Like, I don't know what you bitches are doing. Like, it's nothing. It's nothing like an American Taco Bell.
And so in South Korea, it would be, you know, I guess the American quality when we would go on base. And I was like, oh, thank God. Gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, God bless America. God bless our troops. And gentlemen, start your engines. That was me on base.
Anyway, yeah, I remember living, we didn't live on base. I've never lived on a military base that I can remember. My dad had a lot of different, he was stationed a lot of different places that I probably don't remember because I was too young. But in Korea, we didn't live on base. Anyway, my plan for Broski Nation, can we fucking get back to the point here, guys? Can we get back to it? Broski Nation, at some point, I'm going to relocate outside of a popular Air Force base and I am going to, you,
Yeah, and my little Marilyn Monroe white dress. No undies, no undies, okay? No undies, maybe some Spanx, maybe some 3XL Spanx underneath, but no undies. And I'm gonna, yahoo, right outside where they like check your ID. And I'm gonna say, "Where are the boys? "Where are the young servicemen? "I'm just a little German girl." And they'll be like, "Ma'am, you have got to, "there are like military vehicles coming through here. "You need to get out of the way."
Also, why don't you have underwear on? Why are you barefoot? Okay. My handkerchief is shit stained. They're like, ma'am, you've got, you are in the way. Please. I'm dodging in between those little, like the arms that come down to block the, they'll have the arm come down. They'll check your military ID and then they'll let you on. I jump it. I'm running. I go straight for the barracks. I go straight for the dorms. Okay. You gentlemen.
Does anybody want me? I'm just a little German. They tackle me to the ground. My skirt comes up. No, no, my spanks. My tan spanks. No, no, don't make me go back. And then a young gentleman comes out of the barracks. Stop, stop. That's my wife. She escaped.
What I'm saying is if there are any young, beautiful, brunette, blue-eyed American servicemen who don't love beating women, please hit my line. Why is it? What is it about the fucking military that makes y'all just want to punch? Y'all just want to punch. Y'all want to hit. Damn.
Get that under control, dude. With all that being said, if there is a lovely young gentleman who's just getting out of the military, who's like, I can't do this anymore, and they're clean cut, and they are in a uniform, and they want me, guess what? Yoo-hoo! Young gentleman! Lieutenant! Yoo-hoo, little lieutenant! I'm outside! I'm here! Ah!
Oh my god, Elvis has this movie called GI Blues, problematic movie by the way, very very problematic themes and ideas explored in the movie. Does he look good in it? Yeah! Gary does! Oh god, Elvis was so cute with his little cheekbones. And there's something, I mean you could be just ugly as a hog. You could be hog, wild, ugly. And if you've got on a military uniform, hello!
Guten Tag. Danke. Danke, sir. Is that how you say thank you in German? Thank you in German. Danke. Danke. Danke. How to say hello. Hallo. Hallo. Hallo. How to say hello, sir in German. Hallo. Hallo, Herr. Hallo, Herr. How to say do you want me in German.
"Willst du mich?" "Willst du mich?" "Willst du mich?" "Willst du mich?" Or maybe it's not in the throat. "Hallo, Herr? Willst du mich?" And then they'll say "No" and shoot me. No! No! And then they'll shoot me. It's over, dude. How did you get on the military base? How did you get on the military base in German?
English to German. There's also a line, not to go back to Sherlock Holmes, but I will. Sherlock Holmes 2, A Game of Shadows is set in, I think, 1892 and it was in the middle of a conflict between Germany and France.
And I honestly don't know how much of it is historically accurate because, again, don't care to look it up. But there's a bombing in Strasbourg and the Germans and the French are bombing each other back and forth. And there's some bombings in London and all this, you know, affiliated, whatever. There's a scene where Sherlock goes up to Mycroft, his brother, and they're talking back and forth. And Mycroft is played by Stephen Fry. And he says...
There's an ongoing something in the da-da-da. And I can't tell you exactly who it is, but I can tell you they speak French and German. Anyway, that's just like a Stephen Fry. Also, Stephen Fry narrates some stuff on Calm, the Calm app. Okay, what was I going to say? Let me into the military base. Las mich in die Militärbasis. Las mich in die Militärbasis. Las mich in die Militärbasis.
That's a made-up language, dude. You're just speaking English with a little... with a little... with a little... Okay? Do you listen to Hosier? Hoss... Hoss... Hoss... Hoss...
I'm gonna stick with Spanish, girl. That's crazy. German's crazy. Y'all are crazy MFers, okay? Germany is full of crazy MFers. Germany! Germany. Deutschland. How do you say Germany in German? Deutschland. Deutschland. Deutschland. That's crazy. All right, team. I think that'll do it for me this episode. Thanks so much for listening. I don't even get to talk about the seven deadly sins. We'll get to it eventually, okay? I'm gonna pop an edible and we're gonna talk about it, okay?
Go get your merch, broski report merch, broski.shop, okay? Sweatshirt, hoodie, t-shirt, get it while it lasts. We are doing YouTube videos every week on the Britney Broski YouTube channel. Go subscribe to that. Subscribe to this YouTube channel, the broski report, if you da, if you da.
and rate us five stars on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Audible, wherever the fuck you listen to this, okay? Whatever, wherever on the internet your grimy little rat hands found this podcast, go ahead and rate me five stars. I'm loving you guys. It's been real. See ya.