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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Hey guys, welcome back to the Broski Report. I'm your host, Brittany Broski. This is the Cunty Diaries. Welcome back to the Cunty Diaries, like starring me. Like the Carrie Diaries, but me. Welcome back to, we're going to do an in-depth dissection of the lyrics to Why Don't You Love Me by Beyonce today, because I'm feeling very much female rage.
Welcome back to another fucking episode of we're not passing the Bechdel test because try and I'm trying my fucking hardest. I am a God warrior. We are God soldiers. I am not winning the war against male validation. I am not winning. Fuck, they hit the road. I try my fucking... I've gone on so many feminist rants on this podcast. You don't need male validation. Men need male validation more than women do. Men seek male validation more than women do. And that's saying something. Okay? I...
Something occurred. Hey guys, something happened. I met a young gentleman. He's a fucking loser. He's a loser! He turns a Jim Carrey clip. Loser! And guess what? I cried. I cried over him. Because sometimes that's what you have to fucking do. There is a 12-step process to getting over a loser. You have to cry, okay? You have to feel bad for yourself to cry. You have to think, oh, it's my fault.
So that's where I am right now. I did in fact on my drive today put on Why Don't You Love Me by Beyonce and screamed every word. I did move forward with putting on Don't Hurt Yourself by Beyonce. Did scream every word going down the 101. Okay, we're doing 101 Beyonce Lemonade.
That was on the schedule for today. I don't know if you guys got that in your fucking emails. I don't know if you got that docket. When you enter the situation room, you should get the docket. And if you're not getting those emails, please let me know. I'm going to yell it. I'm going to yell it. In my mind right now, it's like all the different Spongebob's work in Spongebob's brain. I'm like, we threw out his name! That one? Put that episode up here.
- That's all the Brittneys working up here. Concierge Brittney will get that information to you when she feels like it. And if she forgets, whatever. Okay? I'm feeling bad, but like, look at me. Have you ever seen a more gorgeous one? Like genuinely, like genuinely, I'm not fucking joking. Look at this eye makeup. 22 inches. This is 22 inches of not my hair. I do all this. I do all that.
And why don't you love me? Okay? And Beyonce said this. Hear me when I say this. I've got beauty. I've got class. I've got style. I've got ass. That's debatable for me. Okay? Jury's still out on that one. I've got ass. Hey, arguable. I've got ass. Some experts disagree. That's fine. Because guess what? In the titty department, I am a fucking expert. We call the witness to the step. We call big titty girl to the step.
And I'm up there in a fucking bustier in the witness stand. We call the witness to the stand, your honor. And then opposing counsel objects. Your honor, this expert has not been entered into the database. As an expert, I fail to see her credentials. The camera pans to me. I do one of these. I gesture down to my chesticle and the judge looks at me, one of this over his judge glasses and his funny little wig. And he goes, point proven. Objection overruled. Oh, I could be a lawyer, dude.
A big busty milf lawyer. Lawyer. Shut up. Okay, you're gonna look at me and you're gonna say, did she really sing Why Don't You Love Me by Beyonce on the drive home today? Yeah, she did. Okay. Because a shithead le who has her a man. Feel bad. He made me feel bad. Men don't know what they want. Men don't know what they want and they make us suffer for it. And that's disgusting. I think all men are pigs and they should go sniff out the fucking truffles in the ground. That's the only thing you pigs are good for.
Go find him. That's what you fucking sound like. And you know what though? I always circle back to this. Can you guess what I'm about to say? When you're convincing yourself to get over a man, guess what I'm about to say? He's not even that cute. He's not even that cute. All this is not worth it. He's not even that cute. And I could do better and I know that. And guess what? In three years when me and Hosea are in Ireland, I'm going to be thinking about this like, damn.
Okay? When me and Andrew, I'm like, Andrew the bees. Andrew the bees, you forgot. And he's like, oh, I was on shift duty. I was on B shift. I thought you were on B shift. I'm like, no, I'm on A shift. Okay? You were on B shift for the bees. When we're in our Irish country home, whatever. Hosier would never do this to me. She fucking blows. Why don't you love me? Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter. And this video eats too, bitch.
When she says, she says, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She says this. Tell me, baby, why don't you need me when I make me so damn easy to need? I got beauty. I got class. I got style. I got ass. Again, jury's out. And you don't even care to care. I even put money in the bank account and got to ask no one to help me out.
You don't even notice that. Why don't you love me? Why don't you need me? I got beauty. I got heart. Keep my head in the books. I'm sharp, but you don't care to know. My editors are like, I hate my job. My editors are like, actually, genuinely hate this job. My editor right now just pulled up a new tab and said, LinkedIn.com looking for new jobs. I can't do this. I love my editors. Thank you guys.
We're just, we're just, go ahead, drop that mic level down. We're just gonna go ahead and take that mic level. Go ahead and bring that down for me, baby, right there. You know what my new favorite thing to do is? It's a, it's a Benny drama, Benito Skinner thing. Him and Mary Beth do. Hi, my love. Put them up here. From Ride. If y'all listen to Ride, their podcast. Hi, my love. That is literally, hi, my love. Say that to anyone.
The cashier at Taco Bell, your friend, someone you've never met before. Hi, my love. How are we doing, my love? It's funny every time. I love doing that shit to straight men. Hello, my love. They're like, what the fuck? I love saying hi, gorge. In my mind sometimes. Okay, me after two to six lemon drop shots, in my head, I look like Gottmik. After two to six lemon drop and or green tea shots, I look like Gottmik.
Okay, I go to the bathroom and I go and I do this. I do one of these sexy little, I check my lip liner. That's got Mick. I'm looking in the mirror. I'm seeing Violet Chachki, girl. This is not here, but this is not that bad. Okay, big titty lawyer called to the witness stand as an expert dismissed for being too sexy, distracting everyone. You're lucky I got this. I got this zipper zipped up because these are double D's. Okay, does my back hurt? Yeah. Do I want a brush reduction? Yeah.
Okay? Do I not see them as sexual because I hate my body that much? Yeah. Okay? Am I working on it? Maybe. Am I working on it? Sure. Am I working on it? What's the PC answer? Yeah. I'm always working on myself. Shut the fuck up. Why don't you love me by Beyonce? Could we go ahead and Siri? Can we? Hey Siri, could we? Can you hear me when I? Alexa, can you? Google our way. Shut up, girl. Like it's a bit. Fucking Google it. Okay.
That concludes the I feel sorry for myself segment of the podcast. That was for any girls who are feeling like, who, who, sir, men? Because I literally, the time that I've dedicated alone in my day today to think about this, wasted. Wasted, wasted. Wasted by Carrie Underwood. And that's a great song. But guess what? Carrie Underwood anti-vax. Carrie Underwood, why? Carrie Underwood, why are you anti-vax?
Karen DeWitt, shut the fuck up. Okay, I'm going to completely undermine and pivot what I just said about being a woman with large breasts, okay? If you are a small titty girl, listen. Listen to the plight of a big titted woman. If you are a little mosquito bite nipple girl, just know we're jealous the way that y'all are probably jealous of the busty girls. Let me just explain, okay? I saw Kim Petras on, okay, the one Wednesday, okay? I saw Kim Petras on Wednesday, okay?
You bitches are so mean. First of all, all the videos I saw of Kim's concerts, everyone was so mean. The stadium's empty. Why did they put her in this venue? She is not singing live. I was in the pit for Kim's concert. Like literally diva icon star. She came out in a t-shirt that said, I heart my pussy. Get into that. That's all you need to know. She came out in a shirt that said, I heart my pussy.
What questions? What questions do you have for me about I Heart My Pussy? It was so much fun. It was also like I saw Ash Nico on Tuesday and I saw Kim Petras on Wednesday and I'm seeing Hosier on Saturday. I'm like, I'm in it, girl. Okay? I am drowning out what's happening in my brain with live concerts. Okay? With live music. Live music is better than any vax. Any vaccine.
Is the Trump bit just going to be a recurring thing on here? I'm just going to break into Donald Trump, I guess, when I need to convey a point. Whatever. The show was so good. That bitch is a singer. And I literally, I thought this, I was saying this to my friend David. I was like, Kim is, if someone who wasn't from America was like, I want to be an American pop star.
Like in a movie. Like Kim Petras is a fake character that someone created for a movie to be like, she's the pop star. She's literally Hannah Montana to me. She's the pop queen. Like that's literally. And it's so funny too because she's like German. Question mark. Right? She's German. Austrian? German. She's like German. To like come to America and have all this success in America is like, oh my God, I just...
Wow. And I really, really enjoyed. She does so many outfit changes. The dancers are giving 113% the entire show. The visuals were crazy. The music obviously is so good. I was gagged, to be honest, because I had a very like, for some reason, which is so fucked and I feel bad about this. Like I had a very low expectation because of TikTok. TikTok's not real life. Wake up, sheeple.
Wake up, sheeple. I had a spiral. I'm like, okay, maybe this is me kind of coming clean. I could cry at any point. I'm like kind of not doing well mentally. Okay, so let me just throw that out there. I could cry at any point. So if you hear me start to get choked up and we do a jump cut, just fuck off. If you see a jump cut, why is the editing? Hey, I'm outside your house. I'm like not doing that well. TikTok is so fucking bad for me, dude.
And I hate, listen to me when I say this, I understand the cliche of a social media person who you only know through the lens of social media coming on here to lament about the woes of social media. But like, I'm sure even in your normal life, me and my normal life before any of this bullshit,
I would get on Instagram and YouTube and like whatever the fuck I used to watch and just get overwhelmed sometimes. Especially when these apps start changing their algorithms and all that. Where it's like, I used to go on Instagram to see my friends posts and maybe some celebrities and it was in chronological order. Okay? Period. And there was a notifications tab. Back in my day, meh, she. Now, now, look here. Even then I would get overwhelmed. Now? No.
The constant inundation of data and information and content and dopamine hit and dopamine recession and dopamine hit and give me another hit of that fucking dopamine stizzy. Hit me that fucking stizzy. Does anyone have the dopamine vape? Has anyone seen my dopamine vape? I lost it. I just haven't. The battery died.
I won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me. Emerge as you. In two clinical studies, Trimphia guselkumab, taken by injection, provided 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks in 7 out of 10 adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. In a study, nearly 7 out of 10 patients with 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks were still clearer at 5 years. At one year and thereafter, patients and healthcare providers knew that Trimphia was being used.
This may have increased results. Results may vary. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tramphia may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fevers.
sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough. Tell your doctor if you had a vaccine or plan to. Emerge as you. Learn more about Tremfaya, including important safety information, at Tremfaya.com or call 1-877-578-3527. See our ad in Food & Wine magazine. For patients prescribed Tremfaya, cost support may be available. Tremfaya.
I won't let my active psoriatic arthritis joint symptoms define me. Emerge as you. Tremphia guselkumab is proven to significantly reduce joint pain, stiffness, and swelling in adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Some patients even reported less fatigue as assessed by survey one week prior. Results may vary. Tremphia is taken by injection six times a year after two starter doses at week zero and four. Serious allergic reactions may occur.
Tramphia may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough. Tell your doctor if you had a vaccine or plan to.
That's literally what it feels like. I feel like I'm constantly shaking like this. I'm angry and I want to cry and I feel so overwhelmed. And then I feel bad about myself and then I'm like, shut the fuck up, girl.
Who cares? Who cares about you? Who cares about any of this? Social media is not real. Social media is so sensationalized. I have been so desensitized. But at the same time, I've never been more like, I just feel so fucking overwhelmed all the time. And I know that's not like, I know a lot of people feel that way. Okay. A lot of people and a lot of people feel that way. It's not fun anymore.
You know, like there are these periods of I have so much fun and then it's like, and some of my peers are just the fucking worst people ever. And I go to events and I have to see people that I don't fucking like. I'm not going to say a name, but there was someone at the Kim Petras concert who was an influencer. And they walked in and I said, please, no. It's just like, I don't, I don't see myself in this world. Okay. And I don't think I know what that means.
I don't think I know what I just said means. I see myself as this is my job, but me as the type of person I am, I don't see myself in this world. And that's a very strange cognitive dissonance to have. I recognize that the tactics and the strategies you have to employ for when you release things and when you collab with people and when you do brand sponsorships and I know how to play the fucking game, girl. Okay?
I know how to play the game. I know how to run this business. But like the me side of it, the Britney side of it, I'm like really struggling. I'm struggling and I don't know how to reconcile that with this literally being my job. My job is to be myself. And there are a lot of, there's so many variables. It just gets overwhelming. I'm just very overwhelmed.
I won't let my active psoriatic arthritis joint symptoms define me. Emerge as you. Tremphia, guselkumab, is proven to significantly reduce joint pain, stiffness, and swelling in adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Some patients even reported less fatigue as assessed by survey one week prior. Results may vary. Tremphia is taken by injection six times a year after two starter doses at week zero and four. Serious allergic reactions may occur.
Tramphya may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough. Tell your doctor if you had a vaccine or planned
Emerge as you. Learn more about Tremfaya, including important safety information, at Tremfaya.com or call 1-877-578-3527. See our ad in Food & Wine magazine. For patients prescribed Tremfaya, cost support may be available. Tremfaya.
I won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me. Emerge as you. In two clinical studies, Trimphia guselkumab, taken by injection, provided 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks in 7 out of 10 adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. In a study, nearly 7 out of 10 patients with 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks were still clearer at 5 years. At one year and thereafter, patients and healthcare providers knew that Trimphia was being used. This may have increased results. Results may vary. Serious allergic reactions may occur.
Tremphia may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough. Tell your doctor if you had a vaccine or plan to. Emerge as you. Learn more about Tremphia, including important safety information, at Tremphia.com or call 1-877-578-3700.
In lighter news, Hank Green made a video about me and I cried. Cried. Cried positive. Cried, uh, parentheses positive. I got sent a video, uh, that Hank Green made after I did my Colin and Samir interview. I went on Colin and Samir and I just kind of told my... Colin and Samir's podcast is all about, you know, the creator...
economy and the sort of inside track of how this living beast, you know, eats and breathes and shits and how it keeps itself alive and how it cannibalizes itself and how it started and where it's going. And, you know, it's a very interesting thing to hear from all these different creators' perspectives because this is one of those industries where there's not a standard.
You know, there's not like a union for fucking internet people. It's the wild west out here, dude. And there's more rules, I guess, now or common practices than there were even four years ago when I started doing this.
That, like, there's no laws protecting, like, children, you know, in YouTube videos or... That's just one example. It's things like that where this is not a regulated industry the way that traditional media is. It's very interesting to watch these podcast episodes. Mr. Beast has done one. Rhett and Link, TMG. Emma Chamberlain did one. And to, like...
Talk about, you know, the sort of day-to-day of these creators, even for me as, oh shit, that's my job. Even I'm like, whoa, okay.
Because it's so vastly different, but also very similar. And so I went on the Colin and Samir show and it was a beautiful interview. They're such wonderful hosts and they're very prepared, which I respect and I admire. I want to be that for, you know, royal court when I have people on. I want to make them feel like I value their time. Thank you for coming on my show. And thank you for...
you know, giving me your time and your ear and collaborating with me, collaborating with me on something creative that I wanted to do. And that's funny. I want to make something funny. And you know, because it's me at the end when we do the shield making a coat of arms bit, I have to ask my serious questions because I'm never going to pass up on an opportunity to have that human to human connection with someone. You know, like some of the guests,
We've had on, I met for the first time that day, but I've been fans of them for a long time. And, you know, I guess they kind of vaguely know about me. And so I want to take that time to connect with them as human beings. And I hope they appreciate that. I know they tell me as much, which means a lot to me. So Colin and Samira, I feel that way about them. You know, I felt very valued as a guest when they had me on. In this interview, I talked about the parasocialness of it all. Okay. And then
Everyone knows that that's a fact of life of what this sort of is. You know, I have my parasocial relationships with my favorite creators, or at least I used to. Now they're real social relationships because I'm lucky enough to call people like Rhett and Link and Cody Ko my friends.
You know, so that's not really parasocial for me anymore, which is very strange. And I'm grappling with that. But for what used to be a parasocial relationship, and for me, for certain musical artists, still very much is a parasocial relationship. Or even Hank made this point in his video, which I'll get to, of like, if you're reading a book and there's a fictional character, you have a parasocial relationship with that character. He's not real, but you love him. Okay. He makes you feel safe.
That is a parasocial relationship. Everyone knows that, okay? I'm not, I'm not, I'm preaching to the choir. I understand as a fan of fucking course, first and foremost, y'all have parasocial relationships with me. I'm a part of your day, which is such a blessing for me. For me, it's a privilege for me to be, you have chosen, you know, to put me on your screen while you're cleaning the house or while you're driving. Like you've chosen to fill your time with whatever the fuck this bullshit is that I do.
And it means a lot to me. You know, like I'm, I can be appreciative of that and not know who the fuck you are. The flip side of that is I am parasocially attached to you all. And that's what I said on Colin and Samir. And Samir really was like intrigued by that. And so we talked about it for a little bit. And I think the most interesting thing about it is, and I don't want to get too deep into this, but everything that I do is,
is informed by y'all. It's informed by would they like it? Would they want to see this? What do they want to see less of? You know, am I aligning myself with the right brands? Am I doing things that would make my fans proud? Everything I do is because you guys watch. So I'm going to continue to give you what you want. And in doing that, creatively fulfill my own sort of
my desires, my creative desires. And when that Venn diagram totally eclipses and overlaps, it's a beautiful feeling. It is such a beautiful feeling. And when it doesn't, hey, I want to blow my fucking head off. When I miss the mark, when you guys are mad at me, I want to blow my fucking head off. Okay. I'm a real person. I'm a real person. I read everything and it makes me feel strange. And I'm in such a weird position. Okay. I'm at y'all's mercy.
But at the same time, I have got to maintain a sense of self. If you dedicate your entire livelihood, your entire living, your entire sense of being and purpose and worth to serving this imaginary, not imaginary, this invisible audience, this invisible other, you know, that's kind of always,
looming over me that's around my neck like an albatross. It's like I know that what I'm doing is to serve this purpose, but what happens if I'm not happy? What happens when that disconnect kind of like shifts, you know, it misaligns. And so Hank talked about this in his video because I kind of mentioned it on this podcast and how the parasocialness goes both ways. And he talked about it more in depth on his video that
He hadn't really thought about it like that. And that's a crazy thing. And Hank and I were DMing on Twitter, which is crazy because Hank Green, hey, you're my hero, by the way. Hi, Hank Green. I love you. We were DMing about it because he was like, I really enjoyed your episode. I'm about to watch it again. And I was like, oh my God.
And he was like, you really are helping me think about, you know, my own job that I've been doing for 15 years in a new way. And I said, that's so cool. And it's not surprising from Hank Green, obviously, to have such an open mind and to be always, always, always learning and interested in the experiences of others. And especially, you know, I've been doing this for barely four years. And I look to people who
who have handled their platform with such a relative grace, you know, and patience. I look to people like Hank and John Green and I'm comforted and I'm inspired. And it's a strange and cool validating feeling to have those people feel similar about me. Kind of makes me emotional. It's a very cool feeling. But in his video, he talked about that of like,
You have to keep something for yourself. And that's different for every person. And it's hard. It's hard. Especially through a medium like this, where I am literally in this room alone, talking to two cameras with a microphone and four walls. There is something very navel-gazing about that.
And there's something very soul-bearing about that, which I knew when I pitched this to anyone who would listen, when I was like, what I do on TikTok, we need to do it in a podcast. Because I've seen that comment multiple times. I could listen to you for 45 minutes. Hey, you're mentally ill. I'm mentally ill. Let's get her done. Okay? You know what, soldier? I can make that happen for you. Merry Christmas. Christmas came early. So...
That was the goal in this podcast is kind of horse's mouth to listener of, I want to share my thoughts. But when I share my thoughts, that's very personal. And that's what makes, that's what keeps this boat afloat, to say it simply, is that this is personal. This is interpersonal. This is very vulnerable when you think about it. Imagine like your coworker or your brother, right?
or your mom or your teacher getting on a podcast in this sort of setting or a YouTube video and sharing intimate details about their life to live online forever as a job. It's a very dystopian thing. And of course, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that format. And I embrace the vulnerability. I love it. And it makes me feel closer to, you know, this invisible other, to you guys.
And you guys aren't invisible when I meet you in person, you know, when you come up to me. And it's such a lovely, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful human thing to tell each other that, you know, you've positively impacted each other's lives. And I always try to do that. You know, when people... When I meet people who happen to be fans of mine, first of all, I'm always shocked. Second of all, it's this like, thank you for watching. And thank you for saying that. You know, you didn't have to come up. That was... It's very nice. So...
It's a strange, strange, when you really think about it on a human level, what this microphone symbolizes is very soul bearing. And I hope that people would understand to a certain extent that some things and some thoughts I would keep to myself because if I don't, I will go fucking crazy. I will lose my mind. And not everything needs to be shared online. There has to be a line.
You know, then you get into this, like, I'm getting a divorce and my kid doesn't want to stay with me. He wants to go with the dad and we're both vlogging about it. What? What? Vlogging a divorce trial? Hey, what? There are certain things that should not live online. We live in the digital age where everything, you have to post everything. I know that. That's my job. That's my, that is my lived reality. My lived truth.
That's all of our lived truths. We no longer are posting to share memories. We're posting to prove who we are. We're posting to prove to each other and to ourselves. This is the type of person that I think I am. This is the type of person that I see myself being in my ideal form. And we edit our pictures and we cut our videos.
And we, you know, untag ourselves from photos and we unfollow this person and we follow this person and we follow this hashtag and we want to fucking... It's all inherently so performative. We are performing the ritual of ourselves. When you do that and when you turn who you are, this complex...
ever-changing, ever-growing ball of energy and emotion. When you turn that into a commodifiable aesthetic, that is fucking weird. And that's what we're doing. And it's strange to see. It's also strange to see that on like a, you know, a person without a following versus someone with a following. You have to be a brand. And that's what another thing Colin and Samir and I talked about is
You're a brand. You are a sellable, fucking packaged up with a bow, 25% off, use my discount code, please. That brands sell to each other and we sell to each other and I'm selling to you guys. And that is just a part of it. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel fucking weird. There's no nuance in these sort of conversations in a TikTok comment section.
Everyone, to a certain extent, is performative. And it's strange, and I don't think we talk about it enough, that we're losing a sense of
who we really are outside of what you curate on your Instagram feed, both for other people to see and for yourself to see, what the algorithm feeds you, that is your reality. You know, that is your social media reality versus your actual social reality. It's just so...
I just feel so overwhelmed by all these emotions recently. And this is it. Like I said, it ebbs and flows. This is not the first fucking time. I'm not the first fucking person to ever think about this. Okay. But I just like urge everyone to maybe like myself included and like, hey, the world is so cool and heavy. There are so many things wrong and we cannot fix the problems by ourselves. And I feel that way a lot of the time. I feel like
I feel tasked with the weight of the world on my shoulders and it literally sends me into a spiral. It literally sends me into a panic attack to the point where I want to call a fucking ambulance and it's very weird. Anyway, all that to say, Hank Green made a video about me. Hank Green made a video about me. I fangirled. I freaked the fuck out. At the end of the video, he thanked me. He said, thank you, Brittany. And thank you, John. And I said, I just poo-pooed in my diapy.
A little bit of skid mock just ran down my leg because Hank Green said hello to me. I love Hank Green. I interviewed Hank Green when I hosted the TikTok podcast. You guys remember that? That's a Broski Nation deep cut. I hosted the official TikTok for you podcast during the pandemic. And it was weird. And I wasn't a host. I never hosted anything before. Okay, so that was my Hank Green story. Very, very cool, but also very, it left me...
I got sent the video and I was like, "Oh, Hank Green talked about me!" And then by the end of the video I was like... Because the topic is so heavy and it's so personal and it's so... I don't even know. It's like I need to write about it. I need to like write in an academic journal about this lived experience. It's very... There's not... I don't even have an adjective for it. And I feel very fortunate and grateful that I have a community of creators who I can talk to about it. Because if not, oh my fucking god, I would feel so alone. What I'm saying in my head...
I work at the bank. In my head, I'm still doing my little duties, okay? None of this is real. This has all been a dream. Like, I don't live in California. Like, I'm still, you know, in my one-bedroom apartment in Louisville, Texas. Like, that's, I have these dreams sometimes where I wake up and it's all been fake.
And then I wake up and it's like, is this really? It's weird. I'm feeling weird, dude. Okay, to completely pivot, we have three major things to talk about. Number one, song of the week. I already said it. Why don't you love me by Beyonce? Go listen to it. Go sob to it. Number two, Harry is releasing a friend. The long awaited Harry Styles. Three?
Harry Styles is releasing three fragrances and they revealed the first one today. By the time this episode comes out, they'll probably have revealed all three. It's like an amber woodsy. Oh, you motherfucker. If they don't make it smell like tobacco vanilla, which is the rumored what Harry smells like. And I wish I could confirm for you guys what he smells like. That was the number one question I got after I met Harry. They were like, what does he smell like? Hey, blacked out. I don't know. I don't remember. I truly, truly wish I could help you guys. Wish that I could provide more information. Can't.
Blacked out. Freaked out. Fell to my knees, sobbing, crying to the floor. Okay? Even the second time I met him at the Don't Worry Darling premiere, blacked out again. I watched that footage back and I was like, how did I get through that interview, dude? To this day, to this day, I don't know how I got through that interview. I interviewed Nick Kroll, Olivia Wilde, everyone. I was fine. And then I watched him enter the room. Over. It's over. Blacked out. Game over. You lost. Loser.
I don't know. But it's rumored that he wears Tom Ford tobacco vanilla. And y'all remember when Target released that candle? And all the Harry's ran to Target. And we got that fucking candle. And it smelled just like it. I don't even remember what it was called. My friend Katie got it for me. And it was rich. It was like in a glass. It had a glass little... What are those called? Watch the gold thing called on top of food. Why if you eat gold do you poop gold? Is uh...
Gonna be the number one search up here. "Gold is an inert metal and is therefore not degraded by the acid in our stomachs. It will travel the length of the intestinal system unchanged, passing out in your poo. Depending on the sewage treatment system, it will eventually be returned to the land or washed out to sea ready to be recycled again." Guys, we should go dumpster diving too! Look for turds with gold in them. There are golden turds floating around in the sea and you guys are just sitting at home?
Guys, the treasure chest is in front of us. Do is open it. All you gotta do is rub. You gotta rub that golden dirt. It's out there. Wow. Why is edible gold so cheap? Edible gold? Gold has a reputation for being a particularly expensive professions- professions metal? Particularly f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f
The gold leaf will often be something that is surprisingly cheap to most people. The reason why some gold leaf can be cheap is that it's either imitation gold leaf or not very high in carrot purity. Duh. Okay, enough of this. If you eat gold, do you poop gold? What's the thing on top of food called when it's served by a butler? Cloche. A cloche. Cloche. Cloche.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the candle came in one of these. A cloche. I wonder if they still sell it. I'm gonna run to Target after this and go grab it. Okay, the Harry fragrances. They're through pleasing, of course. Guys, they're... I don't think pleasing... Hello? I don't think pleasing or HSHQ realize what they've done. This is a product that will never, ever...
Go out of like they're gonna be able to sell it forever. This is the new Chanel number five, bitch We've struck gold we've struck a Harry Styles Fragrance this is like been begging for on my bended knee since 2011 a Harry Styles fragrance dude, I guess what when they released the hosier fragrance, what's that gonna be? Moss and shampoo Pantene and moss
Wow, maybe like an herbal cigarette. Is he smoking like rose leaves? Gotta know.
Um, okay. Hairstyle is fragrance. That bitch is going to sell out within milliseconds. Milliseconds. You can already pre-buy it. I'm pretty sure. You can like reserve one. It's gone. They're doing it at like Selfridges in London, one in LA and one in New York. Guess what? I'll go stand in line. I literally will go stand in line. I don't give a fuck, dude. I need those so bad. And if they're ass, I'll never say it.
If their ass, if they smell like, do you remember going to Rue 21 with your mom or like Claire's or like Forever 21, any of those stores, fucking Charlotte Ruse. And when you're checking out and they have the little doodads, the little like dingle dongles that you could buy at the counter, like a charm bracelet or like a crystal bracelet. And some of them would be perfumes. They'd be like ripoffs of famous perfumes. And it's that cheap,
mall department store plastic smell. If HSHQ pleasing fragrances smell like that, you're not gonna hear a peep from me. You're not gonna hear a motherfucking peep. Keep my mouth shut because that's Harry Styles. My son made that. My boy. My boy. There, see? He put his real hard working ingenuity into something and he sold it to the general public and it's good.
"Meh, see? That's capitalism at work. I'm proud of my boy. Come here, son." And give him a noogie. "Good work, my boy. Back to the factory." Anyway. Yeah, I don't- it's literally like, I don't care what it smells like. Well, I do, obviously, because like, I'm gonna wear it. And if people are like, "You smell bad. What is that?" I'm gonna be like, "Nothing." And I'm gonna use it till it's fucking empty too. Whatever. So Harry Styles fragrance. Hosier and Noah Khan releasing a song together.
They did a cover of Northern Attitude? Oh, you want me to blow my head against- Oh! Hosiery and Noah Khan collabed? Died. Dead on site. Brittany Broski found dead. I'm so excited about it. They keep posting teasers about it. Okay, so that is Noah Khan on Royal Court win. Noah Khan, I know you're watching.
Noah Khan, did you see me rant about Why Don't You Love Me by Beyonce? Sorry if you saw that. Okay, Noah Khan, it's just me and you right here. Come on Royal Court. I would love to have you on my fantasy medieval talk show. We can talk about Vermont and how it's not a real state and how stick season should have been about beef sticks and like Slim Jim. We can talk about that. Just give me a chance. Noah Khan, please come on the show. Hit my bio on Instagram. I have an email, Noah Khan. Just text me.
Noah, just text me. Noah, stop. Just text me. Okay. An update. I'm flying through these guys. You got to stick with me. An update on Throne of Glass. That, remember, guys? Hey, for the last five months, that book series I've been reading, I am finally on the last book. I am halfway done with it. Maybe about a third, two-fifths of the way done with it.
And it's literally, I'm not even halfway done. And it is so devastating. It is so devastating. Like the way it opens and there's a reunion that happens. And the way that she writes about it is so fucking devastating. I'm talking about the beginning of the Kingdom of Ash, which is the eighth book. The way that Sarah J Maas writes it, it's not the reunion that you want.
Like, you want them to run into each other's arms and like, I miss you so much. Like that sort of thing. She does not give that. And I really, I was pissed off at first, but then I appreciate it because I was like, one of the characters went through such a trauma, like such a trauma. And so of course, when they're reunited, it wouldn't be like, yes!
She's like shaken up and probably will be forever and it will be time before she heals. It's that literally it's those fan fictions of like hurt comfort.
Like H slash C. It's an HC fanfic. Except it's a novel. It's a series. So yeah, I was like gagged by that kind of, because I was like, oh my God, why did she do that? And then I was like, well, of course she did that. That makes total sense. And I appreciate it from like a literary perspective. It keeps the story kind of moving. Because all the characters have their own motivations and their own like, of course she did that because that happened. And now, because in the future, of course she's going to do that. And then that'll happen.
Like, I'm so excited. Kingdom Bash is so good. I'm so... Every single person I've talked to that has finished the Throne of Glass series says that, like, it's going to be weeks before I can finish it or start another book. It's going to be weeks after I finish it that I'm just going to have to sit there and, like, be emotional and be devastated and, like, mourn it. And I don't know what happens. And I haven't read any spoilers yet.
So, I don't know. I'm like really fucking nervous. So I'll keep you guys updated on that, where I'm at and what happens. Maybe. I tried to be vague, okay? No spoilers. Another update. Seeing Hosier at the Hollywood Bowl on Saturday. I know I keep saying that, but like guys, if I move to Ireland, will you be mad? Will you be mad at me? Like if I actually go to Ireland. My fantasy actually, like all the joking aside, guys.
My interview, when I interviewed him, it was everything as a fan that I could have ever wanted. And I literally went to bed that night being like, I miss my friend Hosier. I miss my friend Andrew. Like I literally was in the shower and I was washing my head. I was like, oh, I need, I should text Andrew. We can hang out again. Oh, he's an international superstar. That's not my friend Andrew. That's singer songwriter Hosier. He just sold out Madison Square Garden. I can't text Andrew yet. I've got to.
I've got a craft going on. I am crafting something crafty up here, guys. We've got a strategy game plan. I literally was like, I had such a good time and I hope he enjoyed the conversation too where I was like, I can't wait to hang out again. Like he's a friend that I just met. And I was like, damn it. That's probably not possible. Except you never know. Because the power of my reverse manifestation is a scary thing. So I'm going to stop thinking about it. And I actually don't want to do that. And then it'll happen. Maybe.
Whatever witch put that hex on me is a rotted bitch for me to be like, "I don't want this to happen!" And then it happens. But maybe because deep down, of course I wanted it to happen. So I'll let you know when my flight to Ireland is, you guys. We can all have like a meet and greet at the airport. Last sort of thing that I wanted to put on everyone's radar: I made podcast merch.
And yeah, did I have that whole rant about commodifying myself as a packaged brand? Yeah, I did. But guess what? This is a packaged brand. Okay. So if you want podcast merch, you better make some motherfucking noise in the comment section below or the podcast reviews on Spotify, Apple Music. So yeah, podcast merch is coming. We just did the photo shoot for it. Y'all are going to gag. It's so fucking good. And I'm working with a great company. Really love the company.
So that is going to be kind of it for me today. Kind of silly, kind of heavy. What do you fucking expect, guys? I fired my therapist and I think it shows. I did though. I fired my therapist. She was an enabler. She enabled me a little bit. And I need someone to be like, I'm telling you as your therapist, this is wrong.
I'm telling you as your therapist, you should think about it this way. I'm telling you as your therapist, that is harmful behavior. I need someone to say that to me. And my old therapist was like, you need to hold space for yourself. Oh, I don't want to hear that. I was raised by a military father. I don't. You need to hold space. I need someone to be like, get your ass up. You need to apologize to that person. You need to sit in what you did. You need to apologize to that person. You need to.
Like, have a conversation and move on. Okay? This is how you need to approach that. Like, that's the sort of therapy that I appreciate. And I wasn't getting it. And I haven't found another. I have never found a therapist that has given me that. So maybe I'm asking for something a little unrealistic. I don't know. Anyway, sorry for getting very emotional, maybe. I'm going to go to dinner with some friends tonight and maybe have a drink or a cocktail or four. I love you guys very much. Please subscribe to this channel and rate me five stars, guys.
Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? I feel like that psycho clapping monkey with cymbals. That's how I feel. When he's looking at that screen and he sees something he likes, he goes, and he starts clapping the cymbals. That's how I feel. Okay. Love you guys. Bye.