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Mucho gusto.
¿O ya nos conocemos? Soy el virus del COVID-19. Me disfrazo para burlar a tu sistema inmunitario. Mi compa, el virus de la gripe, y yo enfermamos a miles de personas cada año. Pero las vacunas actualizadas lo hacen mucho más difícil. No se lo hagas tan fácil a estos virus. Este otoño, ponte al día con las vacunas contra el COVID-19 y la gripe. Patrocinado por los defensores de la educación, la equidad y el progreso de la vacunación.
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Hey team, welcome back to another fucking episode of the Broski Report. Guys, episode 17, let's hear it for episode 17. Mr. Cops with that bell. Let's hear it for Thursday, sailors. Ahoy, sailors, it be Tuesday. Ha ha.
I just woke up like 15 minutes ago and I'm woman enough to admit that. You are getting, um, uh, eepie. You are getting eepie. This is like, um, hold on. What's the thing that girls do with their boyfriends where they're like, they like infantilize them. He's a 30 year old man, by the way. That's literally me. That's me to myself. I wake up, I'm like, she's just eepie.
Shut up! Okay, some things to address. We have a new addition to the set, guys. So if you'll direct your attention here, and for audio listeners, just imagine, I guess. We've got Bobblehead Funko Pop Kylo Ren to my left. We've got Bobblehead Funko Pop Mandalorian fixed with Baby Yoda, I believe. Yes, Baby Yoda in tow.
Sorry, Grogu. And now in the middle, introducing this cute little thing my friend Luke got me that says, caution president at work. How silly is that? That is so silly. Caution president. It's literally me. Oh my God. You should say caution supreme leader at work. Caution
Uh, what's the word? Caution dictator at work. All right. So just wanted to introduce this because, you know, hopefully my goal by the end of season one of this podcast is that I'm just going to have shit all over the desk. You're going to be like, it's going to be hard trying to see me because I have so many Funko Pops and figurines and dragons and Mickey Mouses and shit all over the desk. So this is one of many additions. So just...
Be forewarned. We've also got Mickey over here still with the nuke codes. And I have not... We might reach a point today where I have got to call in the airstrikes. Because we've got a lot to talk about. First and foremost, let's start with my songs of the week. Okay? Because I forget to do this every week. So I need to put you guys on now before you're too bored at the end. And if you get bored listening to this podcast, you need to get fucking brain checked. Because there's no... I don't even know where...
when I start it, where it's gonna go. And I'm always astounded where it ends up. So just, you know, get that together. Okay, guys, if you're bored listening to this, I don't know what to tell you. First song of the week, Cold Hard Steel and Sand by Braxton Keith. Now, what do y'all know about Braxton Keith? He's a new little boy on the scene. Not little boy. So why did I say little boy? He's a new young gentleman on the scene.
He's a country singer. He's from Texas and he can't be more than 22, 23. Like he is so young and he came out with this song and I'll be honest, it's not like the rest of his discography, which I was kind of like, damn, like this is kind of a standout song. I'm bopping it every day. This song is so good. And I did DM him. I did DM him and say, when are you coming to Los Angeles, California?
He said, I don't know if people know who I am out there. And I said, well, I do shit. Come on, y'all. Next song is Kentucky Rain by Elvis. Of course. Kentucky Rain by Elvis. Kentucky Rain by Elvis. Of course. Like, of course. I love it so good. Kentucky Rain is one of my top five Elvis songs of all time. It's up there with Love Me, Trouble, If I Can Dream, Obviously. It's not.
That song is so good too. Okay, it's now or never. Okay, now...
I guess we have to talk about it because y'all have been waiting long enough. And I have a preliminary opinion, okay? And of course, I'm about to be talking about Hosier. So strap in. Strap in and strap on, team. Because we're talking about Hosier. First Light is one of the best songs I've ever heard, maybe. Abstract Cycle Pump is my favorite song on the album.
And I'll talk about it in detail. Give me like give me a few minutes here. These two songs have been simply on repeat. I've listened to the album all the way through probably like three, four times. I really like of course as a body of work conceptually, lyrically, sonically. It's a... I... Okay well this is actually maybe I'm asking this question more so. Do y'all think it's his magnum opus?
And magnum opus, for those that don't know what that means, is like his greatest work of all. Magnum opus meaning a large and important work of art, music, or literature, especially one regarded as the most important work of an artist or writer. I don't think that this is his magnum opus. I think that honestly Wasteland Baby might be. But I'm still getting used to Unreal Unearthed because there are some people are already drawing similarities of like
this song is the track three of Wasteland Baby. There's comparisons both sonically and also kind of the role that the song plays in the album track list, like how it's kind of either a transition from one song to another or they flow into each other or one's kind of a high point and one's like a really slow ballad. And I'm kind of drawing those comparisons too, but I don't know, it's taking me a second because...
all of the singles he released, Eat Your Young, All Things End, Francesca, all of them were so good. And then I kept being like, how the fuck is he going to top this? Unknown, obviously, it's up there. Abstract, up there. Diselving Part 2, up there. Diselving Part 1, up there. I mean, the whole album is so good. But I have such a... I think I have such a spiritual and... It's not even nostalgia. It's like...
a personal connection to Wasteland Baby that I'm having a hard time moving on from it. Maybe that's what it is. Like I'm having a hard time not letting it go, but letting it be its own body of work and not like my favorite hosier album. So anyway, I talked about Abstract, which is... It's this track list. So it's this song, Abstract, Psycho Pump, okay? And now...
When I first read this, I was like, why does that sound familiar? I've heard this term before. I've heard the term psychopomp before. And I was like, I know that it has something to do with travel. It has something to do with travel. So I googled it and I did some research. And I'm so fucking smart, bitch. I am so smart. A psychopomp is a almost spirit guide that...
leads a spirit or a person or an animal or anything from one phase of life into another, most usually from life to death. And Hosier tells the story of kind of the inspiration for this song was
As a child, he saw an animal dying in the road, like it got hit by a car or it was dying. And someone pulled over, just a stranger, and went to comfort the animal and try to help the animal kind of in its last moments. And for some reason, that really stuck with him as a child. And so this idea of
That human was that animal's psychopomp in that moment, kind of there to hold the hand, metaphorically, of the spirit that is about to start its transition from one phase of life into potentially the afterlife or wherever we go.
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And I think lyrically and conceptually, it is so smart because he's describing this experience that he lived through of watching that, of how in the end, that sort of empathy and compassion, that creature is dying. You know, it won't remember it. It won't remember that last act of compassion or just I am here with you as you go from this point A to point B.
But what a human thing and what a beautiful thing. And Hosier, therefore, in writing this, is sort of acting as our spirit guide, our hand that we're holding through the album track list, I think, or through life. Because I think for a lot of...
hosier fans there's kind of this comparison of the first second and third album the first album is kind of um um airy the second album is water and then the third album is earth and so also fire wait where how does fire go into it hold on i have to look up the track list for uh self-titled
Yeah, In the Woods Somewhere, Run, Sedated, To Be Alone. All these songs are so good. Yeah, there's kind of this like travel through the elements sort of thing going on.
And we've landed from Wasteland Baby. Even the album cover was underwater and it has to do with, you know, movement and sunlight and how water refracts sunlight and all of these things. And now with Unreal on Earth, with even the album cover, we're in the dirt. We're underground. We died.
Right? Or we're reflecting on what happens after that second album. And of course, what I've talked about before is the album is inspired by Dante's Inferno and that episode where I got high and I did the nine circles of hell. If you haven't watched that, go watch that one. That was a fun little... I don't remember anything, by the way. But that was the inspiration for this album is post-death, those nine circles of hell and what each layer is reserved for.
where Hosier maybe is taking us. Like, why are we going through all nine of them, you know? But with abstract, let's look up the lyrics because y'all know I love this shit. The speed that you moved the script. Okay, here are the lyrics for abstract. Some of the lyrics.
The speed that you moved, the screech of the cars, the creature still moving that slowed in your arms, the fear in its eyes gone out in an instant. Your tear caught the light, the earth from a distance. Just got to chill. Just got to chill. My leg hair just stood up. See how it shines. See how it shines. And so a lot of this is like, obviously it's up to the listener's interpretation. See how it shines. Is that...
Sort of this, the wetness of the dying animal on the road. Is it the rain that they're caught in while all this is happening? See how it shines. Is it the tear on the stranger's face mourning the loss of this life that they tried to save, but inevitably we can't save each other. Everyone has to die eventually. But I think the humanness of it is we're going to try because to exist altogether is
And to enjoy each other's company. Even acknowledging how precious this fleeting life is. Even just the motion of trying to comfort this creature. Oh my god. So see how it shines. Is it human nature shining?
You know, see how it shines. Is this the spirit guide shining? Is there a light being emitted from the spirit guide? Or is there a light being emitted from the creature as it passes from one realm to another? I just have chills. I love those here. There's so many ways...
that you could take this. sometimes there's a thought like you choose what you're doing but it comes to naught when i look back through it. i remember the view, street lights in the dark blue, the moment i knew i had no choice but to love you. like, fuck you! the memory hurts but does me no harm. the memory hurts but does me no harm.
Your hand in my pocket to keep us both warm. The poor thing in the road, its eyes still glistening. The cold wet of your nose, the earth from a distance. See how it shines. I love! Now we're gonna look up Unknown's lyrics because he's he is sick. He's sick. Funny how true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy. If there were scarlet flags they washed out in the mind of me.
Where a blinding light shone on you every night and either side of my sleep where you were held frozen like an angel to me. Fuck you! Fuck you! That's not real. He's not real. I've seen so many interviews where people are like, you know, you were written by a woman. Like you're the female gaze. You're whatever. And he's like, am I? I don't know. You're a sick fuck. You're a sicko.
I love him so much he needs to be locked away for a very long time. You need to be locked in prison for a very long time. You need the internet taken away from you. You are a danger to society. That's me to hose here. When he comes on Mark Zuckerberg's internet, starts posting all this sappy bullshit, get it off. I'm not interested. Not interested. Boo! I love him. I love him so much.
It ain't the being alone. It ain't the empty home. You know I'm good on my own. It's more the being unknown. Okay, so beyond that, beyond Abstract being like one of my favorite songs. My favorite. I would argue my favorite song on the album. And then Unknown and then Decelby 2. Let's look up Decelby 2's lyrics. Is it DeShelby? Am I Irish phobic?
Am I irophobic? I want to run against the world that's turning. I'd move so fast that I'd outpace the dawn. I want to be gone. I want to run so far I'd beat the morning before the dawn has come. I'd block the sun if you want it done. Ah, you want the moon, darling? I'll tie a lasso around it and I'll give it to you. I'll bring it down to you.
That's literally... Hozier, if he wasn't Irish... If Hozier would stop with the fake Irish accent... I bet he'd talk like this. Well, darling, you know that I'd give you the moon if you asked for it. He has a transatlantic accent. Hozier, if we freed him from...
Give up the Irish bit, Hosier. We know you're a 1950s transatlantic movie star. What you're given, what you live in. Darling, it finds a way to live in you. And your heart, love, has such darkness. I feel it in the corners of the room. He's so spooky. Hosier spooky? Hosier spooky, emotional, not clickbait.
We're going to move on from Hosier because I can't talk about him for too long. I can't talk about it for too long. I'm going to get really emotional and I already kind of did. So next week we'll definitely dive into it more because I'll have spent more time with it. It's only been out for like a week and a half and it took me like, honest to God, five days to be like, okay, I'm going to sit down because this is what I've been saying of like Wasteland Baby means so much to me and self-titled means so much to me too that I didn't want potentially something to replace it.
And I'm afraid that what if I didn't like the new album?
Which is impossible because I'll like whatever he puts out. But there are, like, I have a favorite tier system, you know, of Hosier works. But I'm very, very pleased with it. I love the album. I just need to spend more time with it because what made me fall in love with Wasteland Baby so much is when I did my sort of lyrical analysis of all the songs and how they all flow together. And the sort of solidarity that comes with a lot of
the music from that album. You know, it's a very forward-thinking, politically involved album, one could argue. And I would say this one, this one not so much. This one very much is about love and the afterlife. And I like that too. Not everything has to be political, okay? I love a concept album. Okay, moving on. If you don't want to hear me talk about Call of Duty, fuck off!
There are developments. Broski Nation, I need you at full attention. There are developments. I need you to stop what you're doing. Hands off the wheel, eyes closed. We have developments. Put some headline news music over this. This just in, an Italian ghost cosplayer who also does Star Wars stuff and sounds like ghost made a video directed at me. This was a direct attack on my life.
We're gonna watch it. "Brittany, please, please, notice me." "Please notice me." Now see, I'm not trying to do all that. Alright, let's see whatever that was at the end. You lost me. Because at first, at first I was into it! I was rocking with you at first! And then you had to do that voice at the end. One thing about men, don't try to be funny. Don't try to be funny. I'll do that. Leave the jokes to me. You just stand there and be hot, okay? You don't need to do anything else. Don't hurt yourself.
Don't hurt yourself. I'll do the fun. I'll do the jokes, please. Please. Full of God. Just stand up. I saw this. You know what's really terrifying? Is I didn't see this in my mentions on TikTok. This came on my fucking For You page. This came on my For You page and I saw my name and I just about fell out. I just about fell out. And now you know what we're about to do. We're about to stalk him. I love...
The lightsabers, alright? But do you know what I love the most? Goth girls with big teeth. Okay, so you lost me again. You lost me! Men are so stupid! Men are so stupid! Just stand there! Just stand there! Just stand there. In the ghost cosplay with the fire. You don't have to say anything. Is that you have a lightsaber on a Goth girl?
Why did Jeffree Star get a custom-made Beretta pistol? What? Why? There's not one reason why Jeffree Star should have a Louis Vuitton. Oh, I'm drooling. See, like, I understand. I understand that, especially with cosplayers on TikTok, there's this need to sort of break up the seriousness of, you know, the character or...
not taking yourself too seriously while making one of these videos. But I feel like there's a way to do that that's not the fucking "I want a big titty goth girl." Okay? You and everyone else, brother, get in line! But it's like that's not... that's not the way to do it is like... I don't know. I'm mad. I'm angry. I just got angry. Uh-oh, I'm mad!
That's not the way to do it. Just stop. This is my advice to men everywhere. And I hope you guys will kind of spread this gospel. Stop talking. If you have something to say, maybe reel it in. Maybe think twice. What's that thing? Is this before you speak? Think. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it God?
Every woman in a relationship should print out this image and like put it on the fucking wall like we're in a kindergarten classroom to remind every man. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring, necessary, and kind? If the answer is no, you don't have to say it. You don't have to say it. I'm gonna make this my profile picture.
I'm gonna start posting like half naked thirst traps and then halfway through when I'm about to go full-on nudie, it's just gonna pop up with this. I'm gonna post my naked body and right before we get down to nippies, it's gonna be this image. It's just gonna green screen, pop up, silent. And then it's gonna make people reflect. Why the fuck are you- What are you doing, team? Hey, chiller.
What's up, my beast? What's up, beast? What are you doing? I saw this TikTok where this guy was like, I'm bringing back like 2010 hype beast pet names. And I'm really into that. He said, like I said, chiller. What the fuck is up, chiller? That's a great one. Beast. Like, oh, you went beast on that. You went beast mode on that, my brother. So that's the takeaway. Before you speak, think. Okay, yes, I talk.
I do have the ability to talk, but this is my cat. His name is Loki and I love him. Okay? Also, I really love Goth Girls. Do you get what the shit? Stop it! Like, this is my cat. What? What does it say? How cuppy? This is Loki. How cuppy? He didn't have to do all that.
Men need to be electroshocked into good behavior. Inquisitor, Inquisitor, you have so much potential. Inquisitor, listen to me. Hold my hand. You have so much potential. Don't let it be wasted. Don't let it be for naught! Do not disappoint me! Go! He's so cute. His voice is so cute. And he's Italian. I wish Italy was real. Okay, so...
Right, so why did he say men and females, right? That's about to piss me off. So, uh, anyway, Inquisitor, you have some work to do, but I give you... I'm gonna rate you 6 out of 10, okay? 6 out of 10 overall. I like the basis of what you're doing, but some behavior needs to be, uh, adjusted. Now, this is my favorite! Raven is my favorite Call of Duty cosplayer, dude. Okay, okay.
Raven is my favorite. I need her. I don't give a fuck, dude. Okay, now this is using a Last of Us audio. So immediately, I'm tuned in. Immediately, I'm plugged in. Okay? Not her, you know. What? Maria told me about Sarah. Ellie? You are treading on some...
So the lore here?
Let me catch you up. Okay? Because you bitches don't understand that was an art piece. You bitches don't understand that was a fucking art piece. The Lord!
I just had that moment again where I was like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm sharing something so deep within me that I'm getting embarrassed. But there's no turning back now. If you're an audio listener, let me explain what the caption said, okay? So that's obviously an audio from The Last of Us where Joel is about to leave Ellie. Like, leave Ellie with...
What, his brother or something like that. Or no, no, no. Leave Ellie somewhere and Joel's going to go look for his brother. Something like that. And Ellie was like, everyone always leaves me. Like everyone I've ever loved just left me. And then obviously Joel's daughter got killed, got shot by Fedra. And so, ghost in this scenario.
Okay, stay with me. Stay with me, guys. All right, you're veering off. You gotta come back in. Come back into the lane. We're still here, okay? We're still in Ghost Duty cosplay, okay? Ghost, you were Ghost's girlfriend, wife, partner, or something like that, okay? And Ellie, the Ellie character, I don't know, it's probably Ghost's teammate, is teasing Ghost about like,
I've lost people too. And Ghost is like, you have no fucking idea what loss is because he lost your name. Okay. He lost Y slash N and he never recovered. Okay. He's a shell of who he was because he lost your name. It's fan fiction. And then the character, the rookies, like Ghost teammate, the rookies, like, yeah, well, shoves him. And then Raven...
She's like acts like someone shoved her. She's a good little actress. I'll tell you something. The first time I saw Raven, I didn't, I didn't know she was a girl. And I was like, that's fucking period. She's hot. Hold on. Let me pull up another one. - He has a girlfriend. - I don't see her. - Turn around. - Now you see her. - Something about this tickles the fiber of the Masked Kink for me.
You can see them smiling under the mask but you can't see their face. Something about that makes me tingle. Something about that really freaks me out, okay? When I realize how attracted I am to that and then I'm like, "This is not normal or good or acceptable," I would say. It's so bad it's to the point I see like a motorcyclist on the freeway. Like I'll be driving, I'll look over and there'll be just like a dude in a motorcycle helmet.
Hey, I'm not- I'm not looking at the road anymore. My head's like this. I'm going 90 miles an hour with my head at a fucking 90 degree. I'm looking straight at him until- until he pool- pulls forward. Pools. Until he pools forward. Ew! What are we drinking tonight? Absolutely gorgeous. Did you know Danielle Walsh does stand up for praise tonight? Ha ha!
It's the weekend so let me show you what we're drinking. I cheated, I've already had one but we'll say nothing because it is beautiful. So we're starting AU Penable Vodka. Because I mean what's three drinks without vodka? So as much or as little as you want, there's no judgement.
Four Loko Traffico. Vodka, four Loko, and I think she's gonna add another vodka on top. And we're gonna top it off with twisted sour fruit shots. Because I mean, vodka, four Loko, and shots is obviously the perfect... That is potion. That, what she's holding in her hand, is fucking potion.
'Cause I mean, vodka for loco and shots. That is potion. Fuck! It's obviously the perfect- There's not a single drop of like juice or water. It is straight up alcohol. Drink, right? Happy freaking weekend. Let's try it.
Absolutely gorgeous! Like someone called Gavin from Auto Class. Hey, what did she say? Hey, what did she say at the end? Gorgeous! Like someone called Gavin from Auto Class. Hey, what? Sorry? Come again? Gorgeous! Like someone called Gavin from Auto Class.
I need to meet her. I need to have a fucking espresso martini with her. I actually, you know, the way she makes these look so delicious. Like I can't even sit here and lie. Like with the colored ice, the different like color combinations of the liquor, because it's always like peach, raspberry, vodka. Yeah. Gorgeous.
Is that Scottish or Irish? What's the one part of Ireland that sounds Scottish? Because it was settled by Scots. Or they like, they like took it over. Why does the Northern Irish accent sound Scottish? Scots, Irish Gaelic, 17th century English, and Hiberno English, the variety of English spoken throughout Ireland, have all influenced the development of Northern Irish English. And this mixture explains the very distinctive hybrid that has emerged.
I think it is Northern Ireland. There's something in Northern Ireland that sounds... Here we go. Quora. Quora with the fucking answers. Let's go. So the question is, how do you tell a Northern Ireland accent from a Scottish one? And Peter Garrett, who lives in Ireland...
says all accents are part of a continuum and that is so true in ireland accents in the far south such as cork and carry are very different from the accents of northern ireland cork and carry accents are like what the fuck are you saying what the actual fuck are you saying
Nevertheless, as you progress from the far south up the west and east coasts or throughout the Midlands, the accents in each district will be similar to those in the adjoining areas. The accents of Northern Ireland and the other counties of Ulster are strongly influenced by Scottish accents, indeed the Scots language. In particular, the sound often represented in English as ooh is pronounced at the front of the mouth, like saying ee with rounded lips.
In many other languages, these two sounds are distinct. For instance, ruse and what? For instance, ruse and ruse are pronounced differently in French. Oh, I don't speak French. But in English, it's either one or the other. Okay, I need an example. The pronunciation of words ending in the O-W sound is sometimes different. In Northern Ireland, it's often pronounced as I or I. So cow is like cow, cow. Wait, how do they say it?
Not, not, wait, how do they say it? I know it in my head. Right now, no, that's Australian. Whereas now is nigh, right nigh and brown becomes brine. She's Northern Irish. I promise you that. Irish Belfast. I am so smart. I am so smart. Where the fuck is Belfast? Stop, I'm American. Oh my God, there's an Ikea in Belfast. Belfast is not close to Dublin.
How sad that Londonderry is literally called that. Why did they- why did they have to call it Londonderry? Where is Hosier from? Bray, Ireland. Ireland. Bray County Wicklow. The son of Rain Hosier Byrne, an artist and John Byrne. A local blues drummer who had a day job working at a bank. Was that good? He grew up near Delgany County Wicklow. The fuck is Delgany? Delgany. Oh, that's like south of Dublin.
Oh, he's like right on the water. That is so real of him. Turlock's Lane. Okay, now I'm just having fun on Google Maps. I need to get back to what I was talking about. How did I ever go from talking about Raven, my favorite cosplayer, to Danielle Walsh? You know, she does stand up and it's good. Dun-dun. There it is. K-N-I-N-E.
"Downtown, pink get done." That's Scottish. He's Scottish. "Pink get done." That guy who's talking about, I feel like sometimes I'm speaking a different language for the people that aren't chronically on TikTok the way I am, or chronically online in general. There's a video of a Scottish creator who's so hot and I don't know if he's gay or not.
talking about how Pink is always like at her concerts suspended from things. Like why is she doing somersaults above the crowd? Get down. Get on stage. And so he made this video like
Get down. But his accent's so thick, people's just like, it's now a thing. People make fun of him. Not make fun of him, but like they quote. But that's different than, because she would probably say, dine. I've been there a few weeks and my boss, Day, hello Day. I told Day I was fluent in French. Bonjour. Comme ci, comme ça, très bien, merci. Oui, oui.
Don't speak a word of it. A few weeks later, Dee rings me. Danielle, know the way you're fluent in French. I said, oh, really, Dee? Great, there's a French tour booked in. Come down, I need you down to do it. I had an hour to learn how... An hour! Okay, so she's talking about how she works at this, like, pedal bike pub. Uh...
And that she told her boss that she speaks French. And that's all. I'd become fluent French. I get stoned and every single one of these French people were French. What's the chances? She's like funny. I'm like, I have an R, an R. Not understand a one word. So I says, Felder Jack Daniels. That's Jack Daniels.
And just keep shouting, pedal, pedal, pedal. That's paddle in French. I think it is anyway. I'm obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with her. An R. Wow. This way. Okay, back to the topic at hand. I'm sick of y'all distracting me. Oh my God.
So this one says, POV, you catch a ghost staring. I'm like getting nervous. You catch a ghost staring at you while you're getting your gear on. Because of course, in any POV in the Call of Duty cinematic universe, you are in the military. Because why would you not be? They're not frequenting civilian bars, okay? Now, it's hard for me to get that mindset because, uh...
No, I don't want to do that. Sometimes, oh my god, y'all, I've read some fucked up fan fictions in my lifetime, in my time on God's green earth. I've read some fucked up things online, okay? And I watched this one, or not watched, Raven's distracting me. I'm literally like, okay, I read this one fan fiction one time when I was deep in my Narcos phase.
And for anyone who remembers that, y'all are troopers and I'm so sorry for what it's worth. That was- but here's the thing. That was the genesis of my Pedrito era, okay? And this was like two, three years ago and y'all bullied me for it. High school bullies! Don't turn me into Gabbie Hanna about it! These are high school bullies!
I was so deep into my Pedro Pascal era and only a few of y'all understood. Okay. Because the Mandalorian had just come out like season one. I think season two was about to come out. And then I realized, I was like, what else has he been in? And then I was like, oh my God, Game of Thrones. I remember him, but I wasn't like an Oberyn Martell stan. And then I was like, Narcos looks tea. And I do kind of want to know more about Pablo Escobar. And so I was like, okay, I'll watch this.
Narcos changed my life. I love that style of television is so good where it's like, it's based on real events and you can tell that the show runner or the show creator really like had an interest in telling it as accurately as he could, but obviously because it's TV, it's going to be dramatized and whatever. And it's also such a weird thing for the actors to play these like drug kingpins, you know, of like what a morally, uh,
uh ambiguous sort of thing where you're playing this person and you want to do them justice by playing them but also objectively what they were doing was bad um and and they killed so many people by proxy and uh narco trafficking is such a violent and tragic you know business but anyway um
I was like really invested. I liked it for that reason. And I liked all the actors who played, you know, the main players and all these and whatever. But Pedro playing Javier Pena changed me as a woman. Okay. I was so deep into my Javier Pena phase that I was like, I can't.
I feel batshit crazy. Like, I feel like there's a screw loose somewhere. And that's kind of unrelated from me in my normal life. This was specifically a separate screw came loose watching Narcos. And so I was spam posting on Instagram about it every day. I was like, Javier Peña this, Javier Peña that, Pedro Pascal, whatever. People were like, who is that? And then, of course, everything came out with Last of Us and Mando season three and
He's just exploded into this like S tier superstar now. And I'm so happy. But like I three years ago was like, oh my God, he's the one. And y'all were like, who's that? Whatever. So I was deep, deep on Tumblr and AO3 trying to find these goddamn Javier Pena, like your name, Javier Pena, ex-reader,
like, stories. And I mean novels. Because this is a... I don't want to read a one-shot, bitch. I don't want to read a fucking one-shot. I don't want to read something that you took 30 minutes to type up, like, three paragraphs. And it's like, and then happy ever after. I need the grit. I need the drama. I need the contrast. I want them to yell at each other and slap. No! And then they almost die. Oh my god! And then they're back together. And oh my god, I missed you so much. You know, that sort of shit. I need it. So...
I go on 803 and I find, actually no, I'm lying. My friend Caitlin sent me this. Caitlin, love you. Shout out. And we became internet friends through my DMs because she sent me something and I was like, I know this bitch gets it. I know this bitch gets it hard. She sent me some recs and I was like, holy shit. And I read this one. I'm not joking. It is so, it is so like, who wrote this?
So the main character is you, but you are, uh, an operative. Okay. Like you work for the DEA and you're stationed in Columbia and whatever. They're hunting for Pablo Escobar, all this shit. Javier Peña is obviously your coworker. And you are, I think, um, the character in this one, they called her ears because she was one of the people that like, cause this is set in the eighties. This is set in the eighties. Um, she was one of the people that used to wear the headphones and like, uh,
like, translate and like decode things that they would say over the radio frequencies and whatever, like calls between the patron and his kind of henchmen. And then she would write it down and report it to Javi. And what's Javi's fucking partner's name? The hot blog guy. Steve Murphy. Steve Murphy. Anyway, so she was that and they fall in love. She gets kidnapped, bitch.
She gets kidnapped. And it's also like, I was reading this kind of like, this is fucked. Who is writing? Who is writing a fan fiction about like a real life historical event and like inserting yourself into it? I mean, I get it from an artistic standpoint, but morally, does that piece of art need to exist? Does that piece of literature need to exist? Probably not. And I was like, holy shit. How about they're reading this? I was like,
the fuck am I reading? Like, I felt bad. It's very well written though. And she would like incorporate Spanish. She was like, and the little author's note, she'd be like, I don't speak Spanish, but fuck me. I'm going to try. And she would do like, she would have her friends, uh, check her Spanish translations. And I come up with, it was so like, oh my God. And it was like 150,000 words. Like it was so long. I don't even know if I finished it.
And it was traumatic and it was dramatic and it was just like, wow. Anyway, that's what I'm reading on AO3. That's the type of shit I'm into, okay? Oh my God. Speaking of reading, Throne of Glass. I'm almost done with Tower of Dawn. And you bitches were right. It's good. Okay, fine. I hate to admit it. I hate to give y'all your flowers when you're right, but it's good.
it's really, really good. And I'm almost done with it. And then I'm gonna start Kingdom of Ash. And I've been so invested in this like, Kael slash Nezrin slash secret character timeline that I'm kind of like, I mean, I love Rowan and Aelin and I'm excited to read about them again, because something dramatic happens at the end of book five, that
I want to know like what happens because it was a cliffhanger. But I'm kind of enjoying just this like Kale. Even though I know I said three episodes ago, I don't give a fuck about Kale. My opinions have changed. He is a very complex character and I appreciate the depth that Sarah J Maas writes him in. Whatever. So I'm almost done with that. Hopefully by next episode, I will be done with it and I will be starting Kingdom of Ash. So I will keep you updated on that front. But I think that's pretty much it.
Other than if you guys wanted to watch some more Raven videos with me. Horny, horny, horny, hot, sexy, horny. We need like a, I need one of those soundboards that like TMG or any of these podcasts have that's like a red alert. It's like an alarm. Like this. Every time I get horny, like, like criminally horny.
This needs to go off and I need to be like, the lighting needs to change, needs to go red and we need to have like, it's LED lights. It's those TikTok LED lights. Vinny Hacker comes in.
It's Vinny Hacker Hour. Okay, I just needed to... I really wanted to touch on the guy at the beginning of the episode, the Inquisitor guy, because that video came on my For You page and I was like, not them knowing about me. And I just made this video and I woke up this morning thinking no one was even going to see it. It's at a million views. Uh, why is it in a cage? Because it growled at me. 360,000 likes. I didn't...
Stop! This was supposed to be my thing! I just have to make a burner, I think. I have to make a burner, but I'm terrified that you bitches will find it. We need to bring back Tumblr, dude. I'm sick of this. I need my anonymity. I need my anonymity so I can talk about this shit and be as gross as I want. And people can't be like, I'm 14! Yeah, bitch, I was too! And I saw Blue Waffle! I don't give a fuck!
So with that being said, thanks so much for listening and watching team. Love you guys. Go watch Royal Court. New episode comes out September 20th and you're going to like the guest. I'll just, uh, yeah, you're going to like the guest. So I'll just say that right now. So it's good. It was a really fun one to film. And, uh,
Yeah, subscribe to this channel. Please rate this podcast five stars for the love of Christ. Okay? Do you want me to die? No? Then leave me five stars probably. Okay? Because that's how these networks track us. They track us, dude. And we need to be greenlit for another season because I have things to say. And I have loyal people who need to hear them. So that's all.
Love you guys. Go watch my YouTube videos. Don't go look at my TikTok because that is private for me and all 4.7 million of you, but it's private. Okay. Love you guys. See you next week. Bye.