15: Christian Girl Autumn
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of the Broski Report. I am filming this for a second time because I did eight minutes of the first episode and then a wave of diarrhea hit me so bad that I literally had to hop up out of the chair and leave the room. So, um...

My brain just said, yeah, so that just happened. Okay, mustache moment. So I just shit my brains out in the bathroom and I'm back. Lots of updates that I just went through, but I'll do it again for you guys because I guess you weren't here. It was only me alone in this room speaking always, like always. Okay, first and foremost,

You may not notice, but I'm in a different house. We have the set completely disassembled and reassembled in the new house. We have it updated as well. We have the UK, the Ireland, and the Iceland. Okay? Because all the white people, all the white people that are not American were like, and I'll say, what about you? What about you, babe? Oh, fucking ask. I didn't ask. How do Irish people sound?

What the fuck? What the fuck? How do Irish people sound? Tarty tree potatoes. That was probably mildly offensive. I'm sorry to any Irish men or women or Irish thems watching my podcast. I love you guys. Sorry. But also it's funny. And Iceland. That little nugget of glitter is Iceland, where the famous rock band Kaleo is from. I love Kaleo.

Now, do not ask me about Oceana, Oceania, Oceana? O-she, Oceania. Ocea, Ocea, oh my god! Oceania pronunciation. Why the fu- Oceania? No fucking way that's how it's pronounced. Let me get my, let me get my earpiece. Let me get my earpiece to see what this fuck-ass Google lady's about to do with her mouth.

Oceania? No way it's pronounced Oceania. Just say Oceana. Just say Oceana. I would like to meet with the director of pronunciations for this. Also, anyone from Oceania, guys, we have got to have a meeting. It should not be that complicated to say. Anyway, working on that because I added all these and then people were like, okay, what about all of the Polynesian islands? And I said...

You have a point. You do have a point. I don't even know if New Zealand's on the map. Maybe I don't know what New Zealand looks like. I went to public school. New Zealand. This feature is annoying. The Google AI. Australia. I have New Zealand. Yeah, that one's New Zealand. You bitches. I'm not really sure what that is. I could not tell you. Oh, is that New Caledonia? Love that place.

All right, this isn't a biblically accurate map. This is the Broski Nation map. All of my cartographers, all of my geographers died of diarrhea, all right? The only cure for diarrhea is Imodium and I am holding the stock of Imodium. We have surpassed currency in Broski Nation and we now deal in solely Imodium and Pepto occasionally.

So that's kind of where we are. Our economy collapsed. We are back to bartering and trading chickens, goats, imodium, pepto, antibiotics. Ran out of antibiotics a few months ago. So if you get a UTI, you're fucking dead. All right. You are useless to the population. You are not a working woman if you get a UTI. I just had a UTI. That's why it's top of my mind. That shit is ass. That shit sucks. UTIs suck, dude. What do you mean my pee hole's infected?

infect my own pee hole all i did was pee out of it there is one purpose for the pee hole i peed out of it if i had a penis i'd pee real hard i'll tell you one thing right now and i'll take this to my grave if i had a penis i'd pee real hard out of it i just for one day one day i wish i had a peener

oh i wish i could just pee on anything i'd pee on the wall i'd pee on the floor i'd pee in a bowl i'd pee out of the car window i'd pee on a car i'd pee on a tire i would pee real hard on like an anthill and see what anyway a uti is crazy and what's even more crazy is having to go in there and be like it hurts when i pee and they're like okay how about you pee in this cup i just told you it hurts my pee believe me anyway

I'm in a new house! I have my own 1920s Spanish style like Marilyn Monroe classic Hollywood HOUSE! My dreams! There's a little courtyard out front, there's a vegetable garden out back. I'm not gonna be touching it. I'll tell you right now. I was touring the house and they were like "full vegetable garden?" I said "I won't be using it." What a waste.

You guys, I follow Julius Roberts on TikTok, who's that British chef who, like, used to work in Michelin star restaurants and fucked off and moved to the English countryside and, like, fully is self-sustaining. Like, he...

cooks all of his own he grows all of his own food keeps his own livestock like does all this completely self-sufficient farm out in England and I was like every time I watch one of his videos I'm like I could do that I could do that I could just eat a squash a squash and basil pasta and be content with my life maybe buy a few chickens

But I'm not that person. As much as I would like to be that person, I'm not that person. All right? I'll eat a Hot Pocket any day. You wanna know what I had for dinner? Popeyes. You wanna know why I had diarrhea? Popeyes. You wanna know what's in this cup? Popeyes sweet tea. Okay? I think that I'm built different. I am built the same. I am a standard model.

If you were at the store and you were looking at like American Barbie dolls, it'd be like, oh, where's the plus size normal one? And I know a lot of you guys are going to be like, you think you're normal? Listen, this is what I have to say to that.

This is the new Broski Nation merch. This is the new Broski Nation uniform. Everyone has to have a normal People Scare Me t-shirt from Hot Topic circa 2013. And you have to wear only the furry paws. And you have to have the Ariana Grande kitty ears. Dude, do you remember the kitty ears she used to wear on stage? Ariana Grande kitty ears. Just stroked out. Yes, dude. Oh my god. You have to wear this. You have to wear these.

I had this poster on my wall! I am such an aryanator. I don't give a fuck. Okay, so you have to wear these. You have to wear the like lace cat ears. You have to have the raccoon tail or honestly an alternative, a funny edgy cool alternative to the wolf tail or the fox tail that you would put in your pants in high school is a platypus tail.

A platypus tail is very interesting and I think a marvel of what evolution can do for a species. So that's actually going to be the current. Oh, and then skinny jeans. But not just normal skinny jeans. The skinny jeans with those ribs in them. Ribbed skinny jeans. Yeah, these. Where are those famous ones? God, these are so terrible. Yeah, these, dude. These Tony Lopez ass jeans.

Beach blue biker jean. Okay, so it's this, these jeans, normal people scare me t-shirt, the Ariana Grande ears, the fuzzy tail, the furry paws, and then for makeup, you can do whatever you want to do. I'm not really going to like dictate with the makeup, but the shoes do have to be those platform, no, not platform, the Toms. You have to wear Toms and Toms, okay?

So that's actually if you have any interest in being a resident full time in Broski Nation, you get issued this uniform upon entering the sort of safe haven that Broski Nation offers. So getting that out. Mucho gusto.

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So like I said, I moved. I live in my own house now. I want to walk around naked. I want to sing at the top of my lungs. I want to play out skits and act out little shows, maladaptive daydreaming in my home. And I want to be able to talk to myself in my home without people being like, what actually might be wrong with you? What from a clinical standpoint could be wrong? And I just don't want to answer that. So...

i have my house i'm gonna decorate it completely like western spanish uh combination sort of like very heavy on the cowboy uh faux leather fringe all of that like framed pictures of marlboro ads and like very sort of orville peck moment like tasteful cowboy um

With some definitely girly pop elements. And then the other sort of blend is going to be the mosaic tile of a classic Spanish home. And it's got the arched doorways and all that. It's white with like the deep mahogany beams across the... Oh my God, it's my dream house. So...

In the process of decorating that, we moved the podcast set in here. So yeah, that's kind of the update team on that front. Now, I also redid my YouTube space. So be expecting some more high quality videos. I'm just a girl. I'm just a baby. I don't know. I don't know how to do, how to film a video. I just, I don't know. I don't have no money. I just sit down. That's how I feel. And Stanley's always like,

So did you just like not focus the camera before you filmed or did you intentionally fuck up with the audio to piss me off? And I'm like, I'm just a girl. I'm just a little girl. I don't know what I'm doing. I press record. I be funny and I send it to you. And he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

He plots ways to murder me. I know for a fact. I know that he has fantasized about my untimely death probably at least once, maybe twice, but not that often because I think we're friends. Stanley, I think we're friends. I think maybe that you like my company and to work on my projects, but time will tell. Okay, what's another update? I gave up caffeine. I gave up caffeine because I saw someone on TikTok do it.

someone on TikTok do it. I'm like, what? Reverse. Begin. I saw someone on TikTok do it. So I tried it. She said, she listed off all of these symptoms that I have constantly. I am always tired. No amount of sleep is restful for me. I'm up through the whole night. Like I stay up late and then I have to be up early. And so I drink more coffee. It's just this constant, like

high and crash and high and crash and high and crash and then in the middle of all that you know like if coffee's not doing it then i drink a red bull or i have a coke or whatever and so she listed off all these symptoms of you know like it honestly borderlines depression like the the sort of clinical definition of of depression of i really don't have motivation to do anything um

And I have to force myself through overconsumption of caffeine to sort of get to this level where I'm literally tweaking for me to sit down and be able to film a YouTube video or a podcast video. Like for a second there, it did not bring me joy. And then I was like, fuck all this. And so I stopped. I stopped drinking coffee. The first two days were kind of rough. And then after that, like I found, and then I went to Florida. So that was, it's two hours ahead of

And so when I came back to LA, I was waking up a little bit earlier. And then for like a week straight consistently, my body was like 8 a.m., you're up, get up. And like I wouldn't go back to sleep and I would get up and I'd do stuff. And I was like, this is crazy. Because on coffee, I would, I don't know, just something crazy.

Something happened in my brain. Okay. Something like there's little monsters or something like insects or bugs in my brain. They get in there and they dig around and they were like chewing on the wires or something. And then in the middle of the night one night I said, and then I woke up the next morning. I said, oh my God, I can see clearly now the rain is gone.

I can see all obstacles in my way. Oh my God. Someone needs to do a bluegrass cover of that song. After the, what are the words? I can see clearly now. Jimmy Cliff. It's going to be a bright, bright, sunshiny day. That with some like pedal steel and a banjo under it. Oh, get into it, dude. Speaking of country music, I,

have a lot to talk about. And I just briefly got into this on the last time that I recorded this, so I'll, I'll, I have no problem really diving into it again for you guys. Because of course, this is like Squidward's episode, the lost episode of SpongeBob that I'm referring to, because only I know about it and it's lost to the archives forever. Because guess what? It didn't record the audio and also the camera's cut off.

So here's my deal with the current state of country music. So I know a lot of y'all are country fans. And if you're not, listen, you might learn something, okay? Or at least have an interesting perspective on kind of what's happening in pop culture right now on that side of things. Country music gets a very, very bad rap for obviously being culturally more aligned with the right wing, for targeting...

sort of conservative Christian Southern values, naturally. But what a lot of people don't know is that this is, it's not always been this way. If you're sort of a fringe listener of country music, you know, you may know a George Strait song or you may know a John Denver song, that sort of thing.

And you don't really know a lot about the origins of American country and Western or American folk music and how it ties back to, you know, Scottish and Irish folk songs. That's a longstanding history, but mainly I want to talk about in the last 25 odd years, there was a major shift in the 90s to the early 2000s. And of course, the sort of

life-altering thing that happened was 9-11 country music really really changed before like after 9-11 and it used to be you know when you think of like Johnny Cash or Marty Robbins or any of these really famous country singers their songs were all about like shooting the sheriff and like anti-establishments and Johnny Cash used to go perform at prisons because he was so

like leftist and so anti-government and like I just he wore all black to represent I wish I'm gonna butcher how he explained this but at the beginning of one of his live versions of his songs he goes into detail about how he wears black because there is no color in a world that

treads on minorities and on oppressed populations. And so for that reason, he has a lack of color and he will wear black to represent that. And

How do we go from a cultural icon like that, who was so socially plugged in, you know, who is plugged in with the people and is anti-establishment, to where are we at right now? Luke Combs, you know, Morgan Wallen, this sort of music that's like, if you don't like it, get the fuck out. Like really, really, incredibly, almost overly patriotic music.

And to a certain extent, I do understand. And I never ever want to come off as insensitive to obviously 9-11. I mean, I know online people are free-flowing with the jokes, but at its core, of course, it's an unimaginable tragedy.

I definitely understand this pendulum swing to the right, quote unquote, of, you know, patriotism. And we're going to make this the focus of our music because it was a unifying event. When there's an attack on America, Americans do not, for a second, for a heartbeat, want to fight with each other. It's a unified enemy, right? I've talked about this before with fucking World War propaganda and all this. Like, for a second, the

The easiest thing to pump out and sell to the American populace is a patriotic country song because it's something, for the most part, a lot of people agree with. You know, having freedom is great. But it's like it's to this level that's so cringy and embarrassing. And like you have lost touch with actually what happens.

People want to hear you sing about. Because if you're tone deaf in that sense of you are not able to critique the country in which you live, you are not able to be critical of your politicians and your representatives and what's going on in America. I wouldn't say there's like one common enemy right now. We're not in fucking World War III. Like there are serious problems at home that I don't think should be celebrated with patriotic songs right now.

So when things like Jason Aldean's whatever, try that in a small town, when that happens and people are actively calling out the lyricism and how it's racist and it is really disturbing and scary imagery and ideas that these songs are promoting. And then he comes out and acts like he's none the wiser. He didn't know. Yeah.

No, you are well aware of what is happening in America today. You cannot make songs like that and expect there not to be consequences. It's just batshit how from like country music of the 1950s and 60s that was so, and excuse this, lack of a better word, woke and critical of the society and time in which that music was being created.

to now, where it feels like we have the internet and we have the world at our fingertips. We have any bit of information or misinformation you could ever hope to find. And this is where we've landed? It's just so infuriating. It's also, I think, a real hit to the legacy of country music. It is dishonoring the art form

and the genre of country music. And there are a few people today that I think are part of this sort of revival that's happening of like a return to traditional bluegrass country music or country folk. And it's abandoning the sort of

Pop country, I fuck my truck, and if you don't like it, you kiss my ass. My pronouns are USA! It's abandoning that, this sort of fuck Bud Light, woke light, and it's turning more towards cowboy songs and...

I think it is so important. Obviously, I'll talk about Orville Peck till I'm blue in the fucking face, but it's people like him who are reinventing what country music is and can be. It's a return to tradition, but with an honor and a duty to sing about the shit that matters and to sing about the shit that he's lived through as a gay country artist. Are you joking?

Like what a... And he talks about this all the time and I think it's just so... Artistically, it's one of those things that just clicks. It's like, yes, yes. And if you didn't do it, someone else is going to do it because it's fucking brilliant. And I'm so glad he did it. Of...

Country music is about outlaws. Original, like, outlaw country about living on the fringes and as a cowboy and never feeling like you belong in a social setting or whatever. You're an outlaw. You're an outcast.

So much of those emotions can also be applied to growing up gay, growing up in the closet, growing up on any sort of fringe of society where society pushes you out there. There is a community within that outlaw country music where I can stand alone, but I'd prefer not to. I think that that is such a smart, artistic connection. And I just love him.

And it's so important today to have that representation in, quite frankly, a genre that is just inundated with garbage. Just garbage. The music is bad. There are some songs I'm like, "Okay, fine. You could... Okay. 'The Kind of Love We Make' by Luke Combs, fine. That's a good song. Okay, whatever." But I didn't say that. And if you ever say that I said that, I didn't because no, I did not. But for the most part, you know, it's just pump and dump garbage country songs.

There are a few artists, and if you're interested, I have a list and I have some of my favorite songs by them that are really doing country music an honor. And are really doing country music a service. And they're honoring the roots of country. However, I always want to tell you to take what I say with a grain of salt because as we know, things online do not age well usually.

You can like someone one day and think they're doing everything right. And then something comes out, whether it's real or made up, because people don't care to tell the difference. And suddenly that person is spoiled for the rest of time. All the people I'm about to talk about are white men.

And I fully recognize that. And I also understand that as musicians, you know, I don't know. I don't know personal things about these people. I know their music and I respect what they're doing with their music. But, you know, I just want that because people online are fucking stupid. I feel like HRH Collection. What I'm saying right now is

could change, okay? People change, things happen, life happens. And if something comes out about these artists in the future, I'm gonna be so, so disappointed, but it's their people. And I just am saying that I'm aware of that, okay? So with that being said, don't put them on too high of a pedestal right now, even though I'm sort of giving them their flowers right now. Number one, obviously, is Tyler Childers. Tyler Childers is just doing it. He is fucking doing it.

First of all, he's got an incredible voice. His lyrics are insane. His music is tongue-in-cheek and yodely and scratchy and grainy. And live, he's incredible. And he is just really honoring. You can tell he grew up with the classics. And I think it's a really great thing. He also just released a music video about a gay couple. I'm pretty sure. Let's read the specifics.

Why Tyler Childers, this is a Rolling Stone article. Why Tyler Childers put a gay love story in his new video. The video stars Colton Haynes and James Scully, along with writer Silas House, talk about the LGBTQ representation in Childers' song, In Your Love. It really does mean a lot. I mean, like, who the fuck? Like, he did this knowing damn well what the response would be. And how upsetting is that? You know that...

He probably felt it on his heart to do this. And it's similar to Hosier in the sense of,

Because if you can, why don't you? If you have a platform and you have people's ear, you have their attention, how dare you not? How dare you not sing about things that matter? How dare you not show things that are hard to watch for some people and hard to embrace for more people? How dare you not do that? It is a responsibility that you have.

and i really i mean this came out and i was like yes taylor childers yes you motherfucker i love him dude songs i would recommend uh by him house fire is one of my favorites shake the frost is great charleston girl he's got a song with the next guy i'm about to talk about a coulter wall called fraulein oh my god i love that song

He's just fantastic. I mean, he's got a whole album of... I would listen to Tyler Childress live. The live versions of his songs are absolutely incredible. And yeah, he's really doing it. He's part of that small minority that's like, wow, for yourself. Next is Colter Wall. Now, Colter Wall is like truly... I discovered him because I was listening to, I think, John Denver. I was having a mental breakdown. Yeah.

This is about two years ago. I was having a freak out, like absolute spiral. What am I doing with my life? I can't do this. Like I'm imposter syndrome to the core. And I was like, I'm going to take a retreat. And I told my team, fuck off. Don't talk to me. I told everyone, don't talk to me. I put my phone on do not disturb for five days straight. And I used it as an iPod essentially. And I drove from Hollywood to Idlewild.

which is where Dolly Parton's got her little cabin home. And it's about two hours outside of LA and it's just, it's mountains. It is, it is the mountains. And it was kind of snowy because I think I went in like February and I drove up to this little cabin that I rented on Airbnb and they didn't have a TV. They didn't have a microwave. And I brought a bunch of groceries and I stayed holed up in this cabin for five days until I got bored to tears. And

And I was listening to that. They had a little record player and they had John Denver records. And I was like, oh, I love John Denver. And so I was listening to John Denver and I was like, there was one song in my head that I was like, they don't have this on record. And so I went on Spotify and I found it. And then it started shuffling music after that. And Culture Wall came on and there's this song Cowpoke by Culture Wall. And I was like,

This sounds like an old guy. I've never heard of him. He must be an old, like from the 60s country music star. Girl, he's like 30 something. He's Colter Wall. He is 28. No shit, he's 28. Where's he from? He's Canadian. Colter Wall is a Canadian singer, songwriter, and musician. Known for his deep, gruff baritone and narrative songwriting, Wall's music encompasses country, folk, and western styles. I know that's right.

His self-titled debut album was released in 2017 and his second album, Songs of the Plains, in October 2018. Sleeping on the Blacktop is another one. And The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie are three of his biggest songs. Coulter Wall is doing it like no one else, bitch. I'm gonna play a clip of him performing live so hopefully that YouTube doesn't snipe me because I just need y'all to hear. ♪

Reverend, Reverend, please come quick. I got something to admit. What are we talking about, man? Where does that come from? He probably weighs 110 pounds soaking wet. I could throw him in the pool and yank him up by his shoulders and he would weigh half of me. Oh my God. Where does that voice come from? I love culture wall.

All of his music is fantastic. He's got that song with Tyler Childress called Fraulein that literally brings me to tears. I love him. I cannot wait to see what he does. Like what a talent. And he also like ranches on the side. Like he'll go on tour and then he'll fuck off for six months and his management can't get in contact with him because he's off on the ranch. He's like working with his hands. I need him. Culture Wall, I don't always look like this. Okay. You just wait till I, I'll be a backwoods Barbie. You just wait. Okay. I'm gonna go on

Which y'all said on the last episode or two episodes ago when I was talking about Matt Damon and Oppenheimer. And I just went on this whole like spiel about Barbie. How like you shouldn't have to change yourself. And it's the patriarchy. And like my body is keeping me alive. How dare you say that it's a commodity. Like all this shit. And then 20 seconds later I was like I'll get gastric bypass for Matt Damon. I'll get the gastric sleeve if that meant Matt Damon looked at me for 30 seconds. If Matt Damon gave me the up-down.

Like I, that was, y'all were like, period. So I think that when I go on Ozempic, when I lose about 70 to 80 pounds, like,

Um, I start wearing wigs full time. I'm going to get that. What did Ariana Grande get? Kybella where she had her like chin fat shaved off. I'm going to get that done. I'm going to have a spray tan. I'm going to get lashes. I'm going to get teeth whitener and then also lip filler. Culture wall. Then, then you let me know. Okay. Now I'm not going to come work the field with you. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to be out there picking corn. I got a vegetable garden out here. I can't even take care of. Okay. I'm not doing that.

And I probably won't cook for you either. But I'll make you giggle. And I'll make us money. Culture wall, you sing your heart out, baby. I'm gonna make us, I'm gonna bring home that fucking bread. I will provide for you and me. This is a family unit. And I swear to God, I will put money and bread on the table. So help me God. I need him so bad. He is so cute. But not even that. I thought he was a 75-year-old man from that fucking voice he's got. Look at his Adam's apple. Christ.

I really, really have a deep respect for what he's doing artistically. And I cannot, I am such a fan of his. Now next, Zach Bryan, another white man, you guessed it. Zach Bryan like quickly shot up the charts. And I will admit, he's not my favorite artist.

Maybe I just haven't given him enough of a try. Something in the Orange is a fantastic song. Like, cried. And then Niall Horan covered it? Hey, what are we doing? Niall Horan is a country star. Niall Horan is a country Barbie. That's crazy. Horan dye his hair blonde again. We're bored. We're bored. We miss blonde Niall. Give us, give us blonde Niall.

Yeah, Zach Bryan, he's got a serious, serious fan base. And I think it's deserved. I mean, he's very talented. I just like, if it's between...

Tyler Coulter, Zach, I'm probably listening to Coulter, to be honest. But I'm excited for him. He's kind of part of this whole revival that's happening of this return to just acoustic, good fucking songwriting. And that's not to say, you know, I love Midland, the country band. I do love some Luke Combs songs. But these people like, you know, Dan and Shay or

who thomas red like luke bryan all these country singers where it's like what's special about the music you're making what is special what are you bringing to the table that's never been done before and in an industry in a genre that is inundated and ran by white straight men you don't have to bring something new to the table and that's what oh i could wring somebody's fucking neck

have to be extraordinary. You don't have to be reinventing the genre. You don't have to be on the cusp of innovation. You can just be and that's enough. But for anyone who is not a straight white man, you have to bring something to this genre that has never ever been seen before or no one's done it like you. And there are very few people I can think of that are straight white men that do do that. Chris Stapleton's one of them where it's like,

Oh my God, no one is doing it like Chris Stapleton. No one's got a voice like him. No one can play like him. No one can bring an audience like him. But you know, that's a sort of once in a lifetime talent. And the rest of them, it's just like, it's so fucking easy. Y'all have it so easy.

Also, while all this is happening, I don't really know how to fit her into it, but Megan Moroney's on the rise. Megan Moroney's another country star who, she's got some good songs. I like Tennessee Orange. It's a good song. Is it about Morgan Wallen? I don't know. There's tea in the country music community, bitch. Everybody's sucking and fucking on each other. And when is it my turn? When are y'all going to invite me into that circle? When do I get my liberal country boyfriend?

I'm telling you, I don't always look like this. I don't always look like this. I can be cute. Oh, and then speaking of Chris Stapleton, the Steel Drivers is a band that is a bluegrass band. And you'll never guess whose bluegrass band it is. Chris Stapleton. From probably about 2008, he had a bluegrass band called the Steel Drivers that I'm not joking, bitch, is some of my favorite music on this planet.

they've got an album and i can't remember what it's called because i only listen to the songs off of it i've never steel drivers it's whatever blue side of the mountain's on steel drivers yeah it's called the steel drivers oh my god blue side of the mountain drinking dark whiskey midnight train to memphis if you can't be good be gone to be with a heaven sent y'all need to get into the steel drivers these songs are so good and if you don't like bluegrass grow up okay if you don't like bluegrass

Get on with it. You like Mumford and Sons. You like the Fleet Foxes. You like bluegrass. You need to return to tradition. So that's sort of my spiel on country music is that I'm very upset and angered by the state of country music today, but there's something really cool happening in the underbelly that's a sort of direct resistance to the mainstream pop country.

Because that dominates the charts. But it's also cool to see Tyler Childers and Zach Bryan really up there. Like, that's really, really neat. Waiting on Orville Peck to get his number one. Waiting on Orville Peck to get a number one. Please. Because you bitches, you bitches are homophobic.

And that's really all it is. There's really nothing else to say. There is a reason why he's not number one. It's not for lack of skill. It's not for lack of talent. It's not for lack of voice. It's not for lack of connection. It's because you bitches are scared. Anyway, I've got to go to a ranch.

Okay, here's my plan that I'm concocting right now. So give me your feedback on it to find myself a cowboy. Because at this point, as long as they're alive, that's pretty much, you know, they could have a beard. A beard would be really nice, actually. And a cowboy hat may have to be taller than me. Actually, I have a lot of descriptors that I wouldn't settle. But in theory, I would settle. But in reality, I wouldn't. I'm going to She's the Man, Amanda Bynes, myself.

uh, I'm going to Mulan myself and dress up as a man and go work as a ranch hand. And then I'm going to, okay, so I'm going to buzz my head and then I'm going to like wear those button ups and like really tight fitting jeans and boots or whatever. And then one day I'm going to be working on the field and they're going to be like, who's this fucking dude? Brody. This is Brody Broski. And I want to show up and be like, Hey y'all, how y'all doing? Or whatever. Okay. Okay.

I just like won't pluck my mustache for a few days. It'll be a full grown beard. I'm gonna lean down as I'm like trying to haul hay or something and my voluptuous busty breasts are gonna pop my pearl snap and they're gonna go crazy. They're gonna lose it. They're gonna say, it's a woman! And then I'm gonna rip my bald cap off and I'm gonna shake my hair and they're gonna be like, and she's hot!

It's literally going to be like a nerdy girl takes off the glasses and she's suddenly beautiful. That's going to be me when my big tits bust out of my... And then all of them realize they're in love with me. And then I say, are you liberal? And they say, I don't know. And I say, I can change that. And then I sit down with them for 30 minutes and I give them the spiel of their lives and they listen and they learn. And then I'm like, I can work with this. I need a man who is made out of Play-Doh.

A man I can mold and shape and give him a slutty little waist and like a Dorito body with he's got the big broad shoulders, but a slutty little tiny waist. I just need some Play-Doh. I need to be, I think, stuck in a cage and muzzled and be given Play-Doh to play with. Maybe a vibrator. Just like some pottery. I can like make a man.

Or a poster board. I can just draw on it. I just need to do some arts and crafts alone by myself probably is what is sounding like the best remedy here. Anyway, that's my plan. I'm going to snag a man because I'm going to be in drag. I'm going to be in boy drag. And I'm going to go work on a ranch. My big busty areolas are going to pop out of my shirt. And they're going to be so turned on that they have to come home with me. This is literally my plan. Y'all understand my plan. Please, God. I still need to read that book.

That book about, what's it called? That cowboy romance from a few episodes ago, whatever it was called. I added it to my Goodreads, but I haven't read it yet because I'm trying to get through fucking Tower of Dawn. I'm actually reading Tower of Dawn now. I took a moment and I paused because I was like, you're going to have to kill me before I read this book. And then I was like, you know what? I actually do want to know what happens. So I sat down and I read about 100 pages. It's not that bad. Fine. You bitches were right.

But it's still like 700 pages. So it's like, I bought all eight books in the Throne of Glass series together. And I'm on book seven. And I'm only 60% way through the entire series. I'm on the seventh book. And I'm only 60% of the way through the series. That's fucked.

Because the last two books are 1400 pages total. That's more words than the Bible. I just lied. I don't know. I just made that up. That's actually more words than the Declaration of Independence. Now that's true. I think. How many words are in the Declaration of Independence? Declaration of Independence is only 1300 words. How many words are in the Bible? Oh, 773,000 words. Okay. What was that? 773,000. Remember that.

Many words are in Throne of Glass series. A million and eighty thousand words. That is so fucking true. I can't read the Bible front to back, but you bet your sweet ass I'll read Throne of Glass. Wow, that's crazy. What is the longest book?

called "A La Recherche du Temps Perdu" by Marcel Proust contains an estimated 9 million characters. Spaces are also counted. The title translates to "Remembrance of Things Past." That doesn't answer my question. That's characters. Yeah, that's got the Guinness World Record. "A La Recherche du Temps Perdu." That's crazy.

What is the longest... Now we're just googling stuff. What is the longest word in the English language? Oh, fuck off! The longest word in any of the major English language dictionaries is... It's 45 letters long. And it's a word that refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles. Specifically from a volcano. Okay. Pneumono. Ultramicroscopic. Silicovolcano...

silico-volcano-coneosis. Pneumonoltramiscopic silico-volcanic monopus. Now that's just stupid. Anti-disestablishmentarianism. Remember when that was a thing? Anti-disestablishmentarianism definition. Opposition to the disestablishment

of the Church of England. Seems oddly specific. All right, back to what I wanted to talk about. I feel like I've already ranted enough. I had this whole rant that I guess I'll do for next episode on is art self-serving? And I will talk about this for 30 plus minutes on the next episode. Or I could just do it right now. This episode's 48 minutes long so far. No, I'll save it for the next episode. Right now I want to talk about Halloween. I want to talk about how

Every year, every year, people make fun of Christian girl Autumn. But you want to know something, dude? I was that girl. I was, let me pull it up. This dude, every year people make fun of this girl. But guess what? This was me.

In college. This is the like ideal. This is a woman. This is a woman in her final form. You got to get them knee-high suede camel boots. That dumbass fucking Pharrell hat. And the cardigan.

Wow. And the dumb beanies. And the, what's it called? Those half beach waves. They're like a little too curly to be beach waves. I love that we're returning to this mindset of, I am exactly like other girls. I am exactly like other girls. Like, I'm not any different. I love this too.

I love a cardigan and a nice boot and a skinny jean sometimes if you're wearing boots. I love going to Target during Halloween season. I love going to TJ Maxx. I love going to Ross. I love spending money on Halloween decorations. I am just like every other girl.

It's the small joys in life. And don't you ever try to take that from me by telling me that I'm just like other girls. You bet your sweet ass I am, brother. I want a cute little ghost cookie dispenser. I want a cute little ceramic ghost that you take the head off and you can put chocolates inside. That's one of the simple joys of being an adult. I want to put Andy's mints and a ceramic pumpkin. And then I want to shove it up my ass.

I love Halloween. I want to put those gummy little sticky bats on the glass on my window. I want to hang orange and purple lights in my house. I want to watch Nightmare Before Christmas. I want to eat a pumpkin cookie. I want a pumpkin spice latte. I want to smell a pumpkin candle so strong it burns the inside of my nose. I want to chew on a stick of cinnamon.

I love the fall. I love Halloween and I don't care who knows it. And you know what else? I always think that I'm one of those girls that's like, what's that aesthetic called? It's like cottagecore kind of, but it's also gothic, but it's not like horror gothic. It's more like spooky cobweb tattoos, but they also have a tattoo of Jack Skellington. I think it's called Whimsigoth. Whimsigoth.

I love that. I always go in and out of that. Like I'm very attracted to that aesthetic and that sort of like every time I see someone's house who's decorated whimsical off on TikTok, I like sort of drooling. I love it.

love that and so much of it overlaps with like the stevie nicks sort of you know witchy aesthetic which is just so cute i love being a girl whimsy goth is so slay and i love the people who have those like spider web elbow tattoos it's just so cool and when you decorate your house correctly with it where it's almost like victorian inspired um

It's just this sort of touch of a cult, but in a tasteful way. I'm obsessed with it. I love it. Keep, if that's you, keep it up and don't be afraid to commit to the bit because I love seeing what you bitches come up with. I live through you because I'm much more like, I'll actually decorate my house Western. You know, like it's, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, I don't have another choice, but

but you bitches who do the whims and goths so well please keep posting videos and house tours and room tours because i eat it up every single time and then my last point uh is i have a new favorite tiktoker my new favorite tiktoker the her at is greasy bussy greasy bussy let me go ahead and pull this up there's no i'm not kidding there's no

Last night yo, to everyone that said I wasn't gonna just get one drink, you were fucking right. Because my date was a fucking loser. She's my Alex Earl. Like I don't care. There's one video, I can't find it. I just scrolled for like 10 minutes. There's this video of her jumping and she goes like going to the club. Boobs bouncing. She goes chill, chill.

She's my Alex Earl. I literally like wait by the phone for her to post TikToks. I love her. She is a party girl. She does not know when to stop. I think it's so admirable. Anyway, love her. Get into Greasy Bussy. I wish I knew her real name. What's her real name? Greasy. I don't know. Love you.

Love you, Greasy Pussy. Let's go out sometime. I don't know where your base. Would love to meet up. Okay, guys, that'll kind of do it for me. I don't even know what the fuck I talked about this episode. Ranted about country music and I will rant about art and how I think art is self-serving, but it also serves the masses and which is more important and which is worse. And does it always lead to the eventual ruin of the artist? I will talk about that on tomorrow's, not tomorrow, next week's episode.

But I think that'll do it for me today. I love you guys very much. And thank you for listening to the vexing sound of my voice and looking at the shine on my forehead. I love you very much. Royal Court comes out August 24th. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. Subscribe to this YouTube channel, the Broski Report YouTube channel. And new episodes every Tuesday. Love you guys. Be safe. Be good. Bye-bye.