Session 45: Role Model Returns
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Solving your problems with the famous person on the couch. He's got you up, he slayed and he shook. It's Therapus, Therapus, Therapus, Therapus. With me, Jake Shane. Hi pussies and welcome back to Therapus.

I guess we have a few things to go over. Number one, I'm finishing up my tour this week. I'm going to San Francisco Thursday and LA Friday. For those who didn't see, I announced my debut comedy album, Puss in Poems, out this Friday. I guess midnight on Thursday. But,

Yeah, if you watched Therapist Season 1 and you watched Alexander 23's episode, you know this has been a long, long time coming. You guys know I'm obsessed with pop stars and I've always wanted to be a pop star. So Alexander 23, my dear friend, finally allowed me to become one and we created my debut comedy album. If you watched his episode in Season 1, you remember he brought his guitar. We sang a little to-do about JetBlue and...

Yeah.

Also, I'm so grateful for everyone that was willing to participate in it. Tate McRae, Joe Jonas, Jack Schlossberg, Snooki, and Bejewels. I love you all dearly. Thank you so much. You guys made it what it is. I'm just really, really, really excited for you guys to hear it. I'm honestly kind of nervous because the songs are true. They're true experiences, each and every one of them. So, yeah. Yeah.

I guess it's in your hands now. But wow, I really feel like a pop star over here. But we recorded, we also recorded a mockumentary that we'll put out and a music video for a special song. I just really hope you guys think it's funny. Like I don't mean to beg for laughs, but at this point, like I am. So like stream Puss in Poems out November 22nd. Oh, today's episode.

Well, he came back. Tucker is back for season two. It didn't feel right to do season two without Tucker. And it was a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. I love Tucker more than anything. We, I think we love each other more than anything. Yeah.

I don't really know what else to say. Yeah. Also, I just wanted to say thank you to you guys, the pussies. You really do make my dreams a reality. And even if I know it's all jokes and it's all funny, but it really means a lot to me. And I really wouldn't be here without you guys. And I love you all so much. Seriously.

Tense up and enjoy the episode. Love you, pussies. Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist Today. We have, sorry, I just stumbled on my words. Fuck you. Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. I didn't look in the camera when I said it. Tucker, I can't. One second.

Hi pussies and welcome back to Therapist. Today we have a very special guest. You might all remember him from last season or from his hit song, Look at That Woman. He also just went on tour with Gracie Abrams and lost people's sexiest man of the year. Please welcome back, role model. Hi Tucker. Why would you do that? I don't know. I just like feel like I needed to lay it all out really quickly. Mm-hmm.

It just would have been cool to start this on like a positive note and to be like... We haven't been positive though. There's been beef. That really did it for me just now though. Okay. You doing that in the intro really just set me... I voted for you. Did you? Yes. Do they email you? No. So you didn't vote because everyone who voted gets emails from People Magazine every day and they complain about it. Okay. Well, maybe I put in my spam email, but I did vote for you. Okay. Okay.

I appreciate that. I really thought you would win. Who'd you lose to? Let's move on. Okay. Let's move on. We can fact check it right here. Yeah, what is this? Is this a painting or is that like a green screen? It's a painting. Okay. Very cool. Abstract. Okay, well, how about this? Okay. Because last time, one of the first things you asked me was what I was... Pissed about? Octopissed about. Therapist. Therapist about. I think you've had quite the morning. Yeah.

You've had a rough start today, and I would love for you to maybe open up and talk about that. Okay, you want to hear about my morning? I've already heard about it, but they haven't. No, no, you haven't heard about my full morning. Yeah, you got off. So me and Tucker were really excited to make this work. We had a lot to work out, and today was the only day Tucker was available. So you know what I did, Tucker? Because I'm busy. You're busy. What are you doing?

Keep going, keep going, keep going. I took a 7 a.m. flight out of Fayetteville, Arkansas. Your favorite place in the world. My favorite place. Yep. You, yeah. And I woke up at, well, I actually got one hour of sleep. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, like, because I thought I would miss my flight and then I would miss you, Tucker. So I woke up and I got on the flight at 7 a.m. and we landed. And then I got to get, lucky me, I got to go on another flight.

And then I came straight here and I exchanged some words with someone in my life. And now...

We're here. Go more. Let's dig deeper into that person in your life. I know we can't say specifically their role, but maybe you could describe them as someone who has supplied you a place to, has given you the shelter or watches over the place that you live. Well, actually, they don't watch over, and I think that might be the crux of the issue. Yeah.

Yeah, so... And what happened? I got in a fight with someone on the phone. You did? I'm like, I... And then what'd she do? She flipped me off when she saw me. An old woman. Okay. Too far.

Again, we don't know her role. We don't know her name. But an old woman, as soon as I got here, was like in the middle of flipping Jake off. An old woman usually love me. Yeah, I could see that. Do they love you? I think so. I think so too. How was tour with Gracie? It was great. We're done with your morning? I mean, I got air one for lunch if you care. Cool. It's better you. Tour was great.

I loved tour with Gracie. It was the wholesome sweat tour. It was the sweat tour for people who wear loafers and it was amazing. Did people wear loafers? They did. And they, everybody's got a bow. She's got that on lock. She does have that on lock. What was your favorite city? Have you gone to a show, a Gracie show? Have you gone to a therapist live show? No, I haven't. No, it's so funny you ask. I have gone to a Gracie show. Okay. But it was eras. No, it was a good written story. Okay, cool. Yeah.

What do people wear to your shows? It depends. You would know if you came, but it was in, they wear octopus onesies. Of course. Sometimes they wear shirts. Someone wore a shirt that said Jake Shainzano's MPEG. The Heiress Tour merch with my face on it. They do that for me too sometimes. I know they do. Okay. People are asked about you at every stop. That's not true. Louise. Really? Every single stop.

And, you know, they asked me my favorite episode of season one. And you know what I would say? Is it mine? That's awesome. I will say, I had a great time, but I will say the comments of like on that video and every clip that I saw were wild. What was your favorite? I don't know. Like I saw one about me telling you to take out your bicep.

And show me your biceps. I don't have those anymore. You do. No, I lost them on tour. Show us your bicep. No, they flap back at you now. Jake, show me your bicep. Pull your sleeve up a little bit. That's muscle. Tucker, it's waving at you. The muscle is so big that it's just moving around. It's flapping. It's incredible. I stopped working out on tour. I really let myself go. Do you do that on tour? I try to...

Workout. Why can't I imagine you working out? That's rude. No, I'm just... I can't imagine you... I just can't. Do you run? I run. I do it all. Okay. Okay. And you can't tell? No, I can tell. I'm not saying I can't imagine as if... You can't picture me doing it. I can't picture you taking something like that seriously. Yeah. I get that. It hurts, but I get that. No, it's not. It shouldn't hurt. Like...

Well, this is somehow this is worse than last time. Are you is there anything your therapist about today? I my toilet overflowed this morning. Why? I don't know. It just you don't know overflowed and then like flooded my bathroom. But what were you doing for it to overflow? I know what you're trying to get to. And I don't shit. Okay. I don't.

That's fine. I didn't think you did. I was just curious. No. And it just overflowed and flooded my bathroom. And my first, like I just didn't know what to do. I did have a little, I felt like you a little bit. I had like a little bit of a panic attack. Oh. And I, my first instinct was to call my mom. Aw. Yeah. And she was like. What's she going to do? Figure it out. Exactly. I was like showing her. Showing her what?

The active volcano of a toilet that was spilling onto my bathroom floor. So did you leave with the toilet? I cleaned it the best I could. It stopped, and then I cleaned it, and then there's a plumber that might be at my house right now. I was pissed about that, but I feel safe. You feel safe now? Yeah. You know what's one thing you shouldn't be pissed about? Your amazing haircut. Thank you. Awesome. Do you like compliments? Yeah, I do. Okay.

Do you want to talk about the sulfur smell in your home that I've heard about? It was like the first thing I heard about when I walked in. Okay, so this is a really vulnerable topic, and I low-key can't believe you just brought that up. And guys, Jake was here alone, by the way, so do the math on where that stench would be coming from. I wish you could see it, too, because the way they are shooting this, you can't see it because of the light, but he has these green squiggly lines coming off the top of him, and there's these little flies buzzing around him.

My God, does it stink in here. So there's a sulfur smell, if you couldn't tell already, in my house. I got home to it today and it was really jarring to say the least. Yeah, that would be tough to come home to, especially you just came back from tour. Yep.

And now you're doing this too. I know. You're a trooper. I will say that. You are a trooper for getting off tour this morning and doing this. Thank you. That's all I wanted. I'm very impressed. Thank you. Being honest. And I'm awake. Yeah. Do you want to talk about tour? How was it? Yeah, we can talk about tour. It was amazing. It was your first like real headline tour? Mm-hmm. Yeah, what do you do? I want to know. I have like a real run of showdown.

Run me through it. Well, I don't know if I want to spoil it for the viewers at home because, you know, comedy is all about the... I just like... Did you see what I just did with my head? I'm used to it now. Okay. I start off and I do a thing and then I do another thing. This is the best podcast ever. My God. So the new question that we're asking people in season two is what brings you in today? Yeah, I forget this is supposed to be like a therapy...

This is like almost like a therapy session. Yeah. I forget about that. I don't know, but we should treat this like an actual... You want to? Like we should actually treat this like a therapy session. Okay. I could learn things about myself. Okay. Have you ever gone to therapy? That's what I'm saying. Never? It'd be cool to do it on camera. Okay. As a social experiment. So like how are you feeling today? I know, but can we at least like...

Role play it a little bit. Okay, act the whole thing out. Okay So do you want to be therapist or you want me to be a therapist? No, i'm the patient. Okay, this is your podcast I'm on the long couch too. Tucker. Welcome in. I'm so excited to get to know you Yes, have you ever done therapy before? I haven't i'm kind of nervous. Oh my god. Okay. So why are you here? What brings you in? I just I like i've never gone and I just feel like

A lot of people say really good things about therapy and how it helps them. And so I thought it'd be cool to give it a try. I also have this friend. Do you? His name's Jake. And he like drives me insane. Like fucking pisses me off. And I'm just like...

I want to keep that friendship close and like I do value him. Yeah. As a human. I totally get that. But in my head, it's like I treat him like an animal. No, I 100% get that. And I don't want to think that way. I totally understand that. It's so funny you say that. A lot of people come in and tell me about how amazing Jake is. Really? Yes. I think we're talking about the same one. Other patients have a friend named Jake. So I would just like to know what about him makes you so angry. I don't know. I feel like sometimes I have to do like tiptoe around him.

Are you fucking serious? And I feel like I have to, you know, when there's, you have like certain friends. Totally. That you kind of have to treat like a princess to like make them happy and to almost like treat them like royalty. Okay. Especially when they start making it up in the business and they start getting like St. Laurent sneakers and like nice watches. That's so weird. I have the same sneakers. Hold on. And they start going on tour and touring the country and everything.

I feel like you end up having to almost bow down to them in a way. And I just feel like that's not what friendship is about. No, that's not what friendship is about. Like, what about Jake has ever made you feel that way? Because in therapy, we like to get into specifics. Yeah. Blanket statements are no fun in therapy. I don't know that because I haven't been. Right. It's cool that this is my first time. And I just want to ease into it. No, we can ease. To feel like I'm...

The problem immediately? No, you're not the problem at all. But like, you know, blanket statements are a problem. They are. So like princess, what do you mean by that? I don't know. I don't know exactly. I guess that is a blanket statement. I don't know. Wow. It's just, I guess it's more of an aura thing or like if I ran into Taylor Swift, I wouldn't, I would, there would be like an aura thing where I would have to, I would probably drop to my knees and it's. So you're saying your friend Jake is kind of like Taylor Swift? Yeah.

Oops. Yeah. What do you mean? Oops. Like, you know, you just complimented him. Yeah. I love Jake. Like Jake's a good friend of mine. I think Jake loves you too. Very cool. Bless you. I don't think that was a sneeze. And then also in therapy, there's usually other people in the room. Sometimes. Yeah. Really? No. And cameras. Are you deciding to break the third wall on purpose? No, I'm just asking. Or is that the fourth wall?

Fuck my life. I'm asking you as my new therapist. It just feels uncomfortable and I feel like I can't fully open up. You wanted to play this game. Stop. Now you're breaking. Okay, okay. No, there's not usually cameras and a group of people, but for you there is. What should I say to Jake? How should I act around him? You shouldn't tiptoe around him. I think... I know, but I've seen... He has this rage inside of him. Oh, he does? I'm telling you right now. He has this like...

Dark, dark heart. Like a rage inside of him. And he used to work out. And I remember just feeling... He stopped recently. But I feel like... How do you know he stopped working out? Because he's my friend. We talk sometimes. So you can't tell or anything? I can't tell. I can't tell. Okay. Just making sure. He looks buff. Which is what I'm saying. I tiptoe for my own safety around him. Because I've seen him crash out. Oh, man.

When did you see him crash out? He has a certain level of fame. How famous? Pretty famous, I think. Would you consider him a celebrity? I would say a lot of his friends are celebrities. Holy shit. I think he's friends with a lot of celebrities. Right? Sorry, I was just talking to the other group. Continue.

For the record, I'm never coming back to therapy. Oh, yes. It's been a really weird experience. You're talking to other people while I'm talking to you and you're whispering. There's a smell. There's a sulfur stench that I can't get out of my nose right now. I'm like suppressing my gag reflex. Okay. I don't really know where to go from here. Okay. That was good, but that was a good bit. Yeah, it was great.

At this point, we just have to fill time. We've ran through the talking points. I feel like I brought maybe two talking points. It was you going on tour, and then I gained a new one when I came in here with the sulfur situation, and now I'm out of talking points, so we have to just fill the space. Okay. Unless you have more questions. No, I should, right? Right, you're a podcaster. Right. So you're going on your own tour? Yeah. When do you leave?

On I leave for Dublin we start in Oh chic I start in Dublin on I don't know we leave Friday and then we play we start on Sunday Okay I don't know when this comes out Okay We'll be playing Well when do you how long are you on tour for? We do Europe UK until like December 12th or something And then we go to Australia in the first week of February

And then we do U.S. We finish in the U.S. Well, I'll be sure to be there for the U.S. shows. Okay. Well, what city are you most excited for? Have you ever been to... I've never been to Ireland. I really don't like traveling. Like, I really don't like it. Why? It's just the worst to me. Like, I hate airports and planes and lines and... Would you say it gives you anxiety? If I'm... We were talking about this the other day. The only time I feel like I...

Get anxiety is when I'm on a plane for more than like six hours. I freak out. Do you have claustrophobia? No, I just like, I don't know. I've also had weird experiences on planes. I've like passed out multiple times and like fainted. Tucker, I think you have really bad anxiety. I don't.

That sounds like untreated, repressed anxiety. No, because every time that that happened, it happened three times in the past four years, and it was all from edibles. So you had an anxiety attack on edibles? Yes, which is why I stopped smoking weed. When did you stop smoking weed? A year and a half ago. And have you seen your life improve? 100%. Okay, because I kind of want to stop smoking weed. Yeah.

You should. Jake, I did it every day for years. That's what I do. And it gave me a freak out every time. Like, I would have a panic attack every time I smoked weed, but I would still do it every day. Okay. Because one, I would tell myself that it helps me sleep and I can't sleep without it, which ended up not being true. I did help you, like, write, too. And then the other thing is, like, thinking that you're, like, creative on it.

Like, none of it's true. Okay. I think I'm addicted. Do you think you were addicted? I don't think so. I think I was just telling myself that I needed it to do those two things. And then I stopped. Did you face any, like, withdrawal when you did it? No. Zero. I slept like a baby the first night. Okay. I'm one day clean. Half. I'm half a day clean. I smoked last night. Ah, sister. Let's keep an eye on this journey, guys. I think we should. We should. I think we should. I love this. Oh, where are your shoes from, Tucker? Oh, my God.

Where are your fucking shoes from? You want to come for my St. Laurent's? Why don't you tell the audience where your shoes are from? The only reason I brought them up is because of that goddamn TikTok account. The TikTok account. Jake Shain styled. Oh. Oh. I didn't even know. What TikTok account? St. Laurent Cowboy, the guy who's impersonating me. I'm really sick of this weird narrative that you pull with. That's what I thought you did. Okay, do you want to tell the audience where your shoes are from, though? Loueve. Speaking into the mic. Contact me. They're Loueve.

Tucker likes to talk a big game, but. It wasn't about the fact that you were wearing designer shoes. Are you gaslighting me? I'm not. I'm really not. You took it there because I was like, oh, nice shoes. That's not what I meant. I wasn't thinking you were flexing. I was like, oh, St. Laurent cowboy. So that's a me problem. Yeah, but I love you for your me problems, I think. I love you for your me problems. Thank you. I think we're getting somewhere here. I think we're getting somewhere too. So are you going to go to Amsterdam? Yeah.

Everyone, the other people in this therapy session are nodding yes. Oh, I am. I am. I am. Are you excited to, so you're not going to smoke weed in Amsterdam? I'm not going to smoke weed. Like, I'm done. Like, that phase of my life is done. Are you going to party at all? See, I don't, yeah, maybe. I don't, like, party. Are you taking a bus around Europe? Mm-hmm. Are you excited for the bus? Yeah. Yes, I am. Have you taken a bus before? Mm-hmm.

I don't, it's not my favorite thing, but it is more fun in Europe. Those buses are better. Yeah, they're double deckers. They're insane. Can you poop on those? Nope. Is that a problem for you? I also don't do that. Okay. I went over that. Cool. Do you sleep in the bunk or do you sleep in a bed? Bunk. Oh yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about. You motherfucker. You are a princess. Your first tour and you have a bed in the back of your tour bus.

I have been touring for how many years? Five years now? Never once have I had a bed in the back of my tour bus. I grind it out with the peasants, okay? We coexist in the stacks. Do you like the stacks? I hate it. Really? I would love to have a bed. You know why you hate the stacks? You know what? I wouldn't be able to sleep at night because I would know that my band members are getting stuffed into those little cubbies while I'm having the best night of my... Best what?

Life. I don't really know what to say to you right now. I'm just saying it's a blessing. You should feel blessed. I do feel blessed. Do I not feel blessed? No, I don't know. You seem blessed. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry if that came off like I was attacking you. I was attacking you, but I'm sorry. No, it's okay. Forget it. Yeah. But that is crazy. I was very jealous. It was cool. I also got my bad chat on the bus. Your what? My bad chat.

What is that? It's my, it's like a tube that you put under the bed. To make it cold? And it blows hot air or cold air. So when I get out of the shower, I get under the bed and I put on turbo hot. No, sorry. I put on heat and it blows hot air. And then when I go to bed, I put on turbo cold. My God. But I've recently upgraded from the bed jet at home to an eight sleep mattress.

Mm-hmm. What is that? You ask? It's, it tracks your sleep and your heart rate. It also, it's cold. Like you can make it really cold or you can make it hot. It wakes you up vibrating and it can wake you up with heat. So I go to bed with it on negative 10 and it feels like the cold side of the pillow all over the bed. And then I wake up, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. And it's on a plus four, plus six. So I wake up all toasty.

It's... Yeah. You lost me. Where? I don't know. I don't know. It is crazy. Meanwhile, I'm, like, stuffed in a cubby on a bus getting...

Fucking railed by the strips, the strips on the highway. Uh-huh. And there's like scabs and like weird, like loose hair in my bunk. And there's like wires. I have like a phone charger that fell out in the middle of the night. It's like wrapped around my neck. And then you are in your little palace. Well, I don't have the mattress on the bus. I just have the mattress at home, but I did. I did ship out the bed jet. You know, I have to make sure Cassandra is comfortable. I know. I know you do. Did you miss her?

I did. What do you think about? Like in your off time, like when you're not doing this and we're not speaking right now, like what's going on in your head? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think a lot. I think you do too. I'm very open about how much I think. I think we both probably think a lot. I think yours probably comes out your mouth more and I keep mine. And also I think yours is probably like

If you just had ping pong balls like flying around. Yeah. There's mine. There's like shelves and units up there where I can like. Okay. What's like one of your most used shelves? I don't know. I think I judge people. Oh. Quite a bit. I think I do. Quietly. I'm not like, you know. Okay. What do you judge them on? And that's not always a bad thing. I think I'm just constantly like. Sometimes it is. For sure. I'm judgy too, but I'm pretty open about it. Right. I'm not.

So people just think you're a nice guy. Yeah, I think I'm a nice guy. But yeah, I have thoughts. I don't know. Like I went down a spiral when you were talking about your bed situation with the tube and heart rate stuff, all that. What was your spiral? I just was like...

You're stressed about the bus. I was honestly, I was like how I was thinking about how to change, like move this podcast forward and almost, almost do your job in a way. And like thinking about how to keep it moving and like the next topic to bring up.

I've brought up so many topics. I know, you're doing great. I was just being honest with you. What would you like to talk about? That's fine. I'm just telling you what my internal thoughts are. I'm being honest with you. I appreciate the honesty. What do you want to talk about, Tucker? Is there anything that you would enjoy speaking about?

I love our banter that we are having. Me too. I'd love for it to just continue. Okay. I'm going to lay back. You know what I have noticed though? Please tell me. I have realized recently that it's very hard for me to sympathize. I feel like right now a lot of people are getting, going into relationships right now. It's how you say. Coughing season. Yep.

That would be the first time we've ever really been on the same page. I think we're starting to sync up. I bet by the end of this episode, we will be synced. I think we're going to be synced too. And I think I'm... A lot of like... I have friends who are like starting to get... Go into relationships and like... Or at least just going on multiple dates with the same person. And it's like leading to something. And I'm realizing...

I have a hard time sympathizing with people who are having relationship problems or bumps that early on in their relationships. I actually totally agree with you. Because I want my own. No. No. We're not synced up. Because I'll get coffee with friends and they'll be telling me and they'll be venting about how they just started seeing this person a month ago and there's already little issues and

we had to like have a sit down and they, I had to kind of change this about myself and like, she's going to work on this or whatever. And I'm like, I'm a firm believer that it should be easy and like smooth in the beginning. Like if you're already having bumps, totally. Like I just can't sympathize with it. And then they're like, yeah, I have to change this or like,

Whatever, like just changing anything about yourself. Like I feel like that's a huge red flag and I just can't sympathize with people who are having, who are like coming to me with issues in a relationship that just started. Has this happened to you recently? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay.

I have like two friends who have recently started going into a relationship and they're just like coming to me. I totally get that. As someone who's incredibly desperate, like I would change parts of myself for someone. Yeah, don't do that.

I have to. I'm a firm believer that you don't have to, that that is not true, and that it can be easy, and that there is someone. Obviously, it's so much easier to settle and find someone who's like, oh my god, Jake Shane, you're so fucking hot. Or you can wait a little bit and come across the perfect little puzzle piece for you. But I've been waiting 25 years. And have the most romantic sex rather than like, Jake Shane, you're so fucking hot. Don't you want to mix it both?

Yeah, I think there is a balance. I think there is a balance.

But I'm more saying like you don't have to settle and change things about yourself. Okay, that was nice. Do you say this to your friends when they come to you or do you just silently judge them? That is what I've been doing. So that's why it's an issue. So you should say something. Are you scared that they would get mad at you? But I can't say anything because the only thing I want to say is like, yeah, you shouldn't be doing it. Like you should find someone else to break up. So say that. That's always my – people don't want to hear that, Jake. Okay.

But then they shouldn't come to you and ask for advice if they don't want to hear it. Yeah, but people just like to vent. I don't know. Okay, you know what? So valid. Sometimes I vent. And then I just have nothing to say. Not with you. Sometimes with you. But I just, you know. And then I feel bad and I'm like...

Break up is the only advice I have, but you can't really say that. Have you met these people's significant others? But this is also not just recent. This is over the past... Whenever. Anytime a friend starts seeing someone and they're like, yeah, it's going well, but they kind of embarrass me here in front of all the friends and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, break up.

What's your star sign again? Taurus. Is that a Taurus thing to do? No, we like material things. We like St. Laurent sneakers. You do like material things. Is that because I said that to you last time? Because that's what I always say. I know, but every time I say I'm a Taurus, they're like, oh, you like the finer things. Yeah, every Taurus I know likes the finer things. Louise? This is the only nice thing I have. Oh, please. Really? Oh, really? Please. I've seen your house. Aside from the sulfur, it's fucking rich, my boy.

And I've seen your house on FaceTime. Yeah. Quaint. Quaint little Spanish doors. That's not... Quaint. It's cute. Humble. I'm just like, I don't know what advice you want me to give you on your friends if you can't speak to them. I don't think there is. It was more just me venting. I think this is how it would go if... I'm now realizing this is how it would go if I had a therapist. I would be like, you don't have to say anything. Right. I also don't like love advice either.

You don't? I don't like advice. Why? Do you think your way is the right way always? No, no, no, no. I just think advice is so, like, across the board, it's so situational. You're on an advice podcast. I understand that, but it's like, let me think of how to word this. Okay. I'll drink my Celsius in the meantime. What were we talking about, though? You were trying to word something politely. Advice. No, this isn't bad. This isn't towards you at all. Oh, okay. I promise.

I just think it's so situational. Like, me being, like... Like, if you ask me for advice and you're, like, kind of what we're talking about, where you're seeing someone and you already feel like you have to change things about yourself, me being, like, break up with them, I have no idea about your past or, like, what you've been through or if this other person is, like, gaslighting you into feeling... Like, it's just so...

situational do you think that your advice to just break up with them is almost like inconsiderate I could be wrong sometimes I just think the advice is inconsiderate like if you're like yo if I'm telling someone to like drop out of college because that like worked for me what vape is that

Oh, thanks, Grace. My God, look at you. It lights up. Please don't cut this up. Ready? I want the world to see this. Have you seen this one? I want the world to see this. Have you seen this? No. My God. You're something else. Let me try it. Remember last time? That was a good clip. That was a good clip. Oh, I remember. That was a great clip. I hope we get good clips this time. I'm trying to think of what we could do to get clips. Oh, that's all you've been thinking about? That's one of the thoughts. Um...

Wait, I was just making a point, though. If I told someone to drop out of college because it worked for me, barely, but it worked for me... Seems like it worked for you. But it was close. But me dropping out of college worked, but me telling...

Someone else to do that like you've no idea what their situation is like they might not have like a home My parents still lived in Maine So I took a u-haul from Pittsburgh to Maine and got to like stay with them until I could figure out how to get to LA What does that have to do with this relationship? We're talking about advice now. We're just talking about advice. Oh, sorry Like advice is weird to me. I don't like to take it and I like to give it but you need to I don't know anyways

How much do those sneakers cost? How much? I'll tell you if you tell me how much your boots cost. I can't. How much your boots cost? I can't. Oh, you can't, but I can. I have a sugar daddy and he got them for me. Okay. So how much were they? Usually the sugar daddy will send me. And he happens to be in the room right now. Oh, well, no. How much were they? No. Oh, are those leather? Let me feel. That's leather. You can smell if it's pleather or leather. What else should we talk about? I feel like no one asked you about your sex life.

I haven't had sex in a really long time. Because I think everybody sees you as this cute little stuffed animal. You know what I mean? I haven't had sex. Do you want to guess the last time I had sex? Eight months. Eleven. Coming up on a year. Jake. I know. I don't even want it anymore. Really? No. Maybe you could cut that and weed out of your life.

cut that one of the it's already cut out right i haven't had sex in almost a year when's the last time you had sex i don't know we're not we're not doing that i just wanted to ask you because i feel like they want to know that i feel like the people who are fans of your podcast want to know about your sex life probably so you're going on tour you don't want to talk about that you don't want to talk about your sex life you don't want to talk about anything actually i will say the advice part of the last time we did this was like horrible

On whose end? Mine. Okay, so do you want to redeem yourself? I have some more questions. Perfect timing. Because you just started recapping as you do. But that's good. This is perfect timing. You started recapping and now we get to do this. I'm really not over your haircut. It's seriously amazing. Thank you.

Do you get a new tattoo? No. I love your tattoos. Thank you. You're welcome so much. Am I the problem? I go on tons of first dates. I'll focus on something wrong with them and eventually get the ick to the point where I cannot come back from it. If I find someone I actually like, they are shit at communication and only text me every few days. Help. Yeah. I could not relate to you more and thank God because I want to come off as more relatable on this time around. Help.

Was that the way she ended that? She said, am I the problem? Yeah, I think I relate to you. I think I feel exactly the same way. And I would say, yes, I am the problem, which means you are probably also the problem. So you think she should settle, even though that's what you said? No, I think it comes along. I have the highest. This is another character default. Oh, okay.

You're way more open and honest than the last time I saw you. I think I have very high standards for myself and how I act and how I behave and how I go through life. And also just little things. I think I have very high standards for myself. And I think I also, but I think I hold other people up to those, which is not always healthy. I think that's a bad thing to do sometimes. What do you mean by that? Like what type of standards do you have?

I'm like so good at asking questions. I feel like I fed you that one though. Yeah, but then I like you fed it to me. And you like sat up straight. And then I sat up straight and piggybacked off of it. Right. So what are some of your standards, Tucker? Okay, I feel like I'm a very good listener outside of this podcast episode. Like if I'm

On a date or if I'm talking to anyone, I feel like I'm a very... I will be attentive. Like, I will never... I will always do my best to never, like, go on my phone or do anything or respond to anything on my phone while someone is talking to me face-to-face. Totally. Do you genuinely care? Yes. Like, I do think I do that. And then it's really hard for me if I'm talking to somebody else and you can tell that they just are not... They don't care or their eyes are wandering or...

Or they like talk over your answer after asking you a question, right? Totally. You do this? No, I know someone that does that though. Okay. Like just talking over, like me asking you a question, you answering it, and then me talking over your answer. Jake, I'm very pissed about that. I hate it. I can't stand it. Do you have any friends that do that? No, not friends, but I know plenty of people that do it.

So she's the problem, this person. Yeah, but I'm also saying I am. We are the problem. We are. We are the problem. We are the ones who make a brighter day. So let's start living. We are the world. Okay. We are the problem. We are the ones who make a brighter day. So let's start living. Giving? Giving. You could so be in Tell Me Lies. Tell...

Okay. Is it... It's a show? Yeah. You have no idea what Tommy Lye says? You've never heard of it? I don't. When's the last show you watched? I don't know show. I don't know. I watch movies. But I haven't because my remote has been broken for a fucking month. So what's the last movie you watched? Long Legs. Long... How was that? It was good. What's that about? It's a horror movie. Nicolas Cage is in it. I love Nicolas Cage. I love Nicolas Cage.

Yeah, and it was good. A lot of people didn't like it. I liked it, and I thought it was really cool. Have you seen The Substance yet? Mm-mm. When do you leave for tour? I do want to see that. Do you want to see that together? Sure. Are you serious? Sure. Okay, when do you want to see it? I don't know if I'll have time. Hi, puss. My roommate has been...

My roommate has been hooking up with her coworker for about two months now. I have just recently learned that he is not only in a committed relationship, but he also has two kids and lives with his wife. He comes over to our apartment. Oh, my God. I'm sick. After every shift, and he makes me very uncomfortable. I have voiced to my roommate that it's very wrong, but she seems to not care and is just doing it for fun. What should I do? Break up with him? Can you recap that really quick? Oh, I totally can.

This person's roommate is hooking up with their coworker. Their coworker happens to be married happily with two children. And so like he's cheating on his wife and he's coming over to their apartment to do it. Yep. So break up. But like the roommates, like what do I do? If it was me, I'd mind my business. That's what, you know what Tucker, I would do the same. We're syncing up. I would do the same. My mom always taught me not to get involved in other people's relationships. I couldn't agree more. What's something your mother has taught you?

I don't know. She gave me very small wrists. She gave me very small wrists. Frail. Can I compare? Do you think yours is smaller? Mine is smaller, I'm telling you. Damn. So what did she teach you, though, like in life? I don't know. She was a teacher. Oh, we're getting somewhere. What subject did she teach? She was a special ed teacher for my whole life up until this year. She...

What's retired? She retired. Big word for me. This is fun. Jalloween girls. Do you know what Jalloween is? It's Jake Halloween. Would love you to call us with role model for my best friend Aaliyah's birthday. Is that fine with you? Yes. I think it would make someone's day. It's Jake Shane and can you guess who I'm with? Tucker. Tucker, do you have something to say? Hey, bitch. Is it true it's your birthday? Yeah, that's why I didn't like the

Can we sing to you? Okay, you ready? One, two, three, and go. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. We love you.

I'm so upset I didn't name you. She doesn't care about me. I know, but now we're chilling. Your friends are really fucking funny, by the way. Oh, it's you guys? Happy Jalloween, bitch! Yes! You guys, I miss you! I miss you, too. No, you guys, you left, and I was like, I fucking love those girls. Like, Jalloween was so fucking clever. No, Jalloween was fucking sick. Aaliyah, what are you doing for your birthday?

I think because it's on a Sunday. It's on a Junday. Okay, Tucker is making me hang up the phone. Okay, well, tell Tucker we're going to his concert. Yeah, so you should be very thankful. God bless you. Thank you. Way to go, ladies. I love you guys. I love you guys more than anything in the entire world. Happy fucking Jalloween. Happy fucking birthday. Happy fucking Junday birthday. You're amazing. Thank you. Love you. What was your problem with them? It was just, it went on to...

They won, they didn't care that I was here. Yeah. And it went on too long. We're in the middle of a podcast and you're catching up with them. Yeah, those are my girls, my Jalloween girls. Well, I don't like Jalloween. You don't like Jalloween? What do you like? Halloween, I like Halloween. What were you? Did you dress up? Yeah, I was chaparone. You missed it? No, no, I saw it, I saw it, I saw it. With Benny Jarmel. Yeah.

Someone tweeted, don't worry. It said, therapist, colon. Don't worry. Jake Shane Chapel Roan can't scare you. Jake Shane. And then the photo of me. You look beautiful. Tucker. Thank you. I thought we harmonized well. Should we sing a song? Do you want to do another American Idol thing? Yeah, because I'm way more comfortable with you now. I think I'll actually sing. Okay. They loved it last time. I know. Okay. So, Katie. Katie.

Yeah, maybe. Should I be Katie again? You can be someone. You can be Lionel. You can be Katie. I think I look more like Simon. You want to be Simon? Yeah, but I'm not going to do a British accent. Yeah. I'll be Katie. I'll be Katie. I'll be Katie. Okay. So you're walking in. Hi, Katie. Oh, sorry. That's okay. I'm just so excited. Holy shit. I know. Don't be nervous. Okay, I am. What's your name, sweetheart? I'm Jake. Okay. Hi, Jake. And where are you from? I am from...

New York. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. And it says here that you have never really been confident in your singing, but you wanted to take a step and take a leap and do something that scares you. Yeah. So is that today? Yeah. Scares you a little bit? I'm going to say I love you. I'm sorry by Gracie Abrams. Oh, my God. I love that song. Okay. Well, whenever you're ready. Oh, my God.

To prove that it haunts me I love you, I'm sorry You were the best, but you were the worst I loved you first That was a dig, it is what it is I'm an amount of man What'd you think, Katie? Like my vibrato? I did, I liked it as soon as I stepped in I feel like

We've figured out your pitch once I sort of came in and saved it. But I think as far as star power, I think you have the look. And then I think we can just tweak those vocals and really get them perfect. Okay, cool. Do you celebrate Jolliween? No. I don't. I fucking don't. Okay. Thank you, Katie. I went to a family reunion and met my fourth cousin. He is from California and so fine.

We ended up getting each other's snaps. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. This time I was listening. Repeat that.

But you said you were listening. I was, but I want everyone to hear that. I went to a family reunion and met my fourth cousin. He is from California and so fine. We ended up getting each other's snap. That night, I drove him around and we sat in my car and talked and listened to music before our next family reunion. Anyway, we are only 0.002% related. Is it bad to date him? Yep. Why? Why?

Are you, do you support this? It's there's 0.0002% related. What'd she say? Fourth cousin. Sorry. I hiccuped. It's just like, there's so many fish in the sea. Why? There might be fish in the sea for you. Hook up with anyone where the word cousin is like in, it doesn't. I mean, yeah, that's awkward. Maybe you're right. There's so many other options. Can I be honest? It sounds like they fucked.

It does. And I was scared as you're reading it of where it was going. I don't think she wants, cause she said, is it bad to date him? You would only really ask that after, you know, like, like look through these before you select which ones. That's crazy. Nolan looks, that one was like, is incest cool or is it,

Not chill. But it's 0.002% related. Okay, guys. So Jake wants you guys to hook up with your cousins. He has no problem with it. So go ahead because Jake Shane told you to. Okay. So maybe don't date your cousin. Like try to figure it out. But like if you grow desperate and like there's no one else, like I really think they fucked already though. You don't agree? I mean actually you just said you don't. Let's move on. That's crazy. Okay. You just co-signed incest. No, I didn't. You did.

Look at that cousin. That Imagine Dragons guy is so fucking hot. He was working out next to me the other day. No way. You were working out. Yes, Jake. But he was next to me. And my God, he is like a giant. That man is a giant.

I mean, he would spin you around like a ceiling fan. How do you wait? He is a giant or he has it? No, he's a giant. I'm sure he's that tall. Obviously, he's going to have like a third leg, but he's like built like a fucking Icelandic giant. Is he Icelandic? I don't know. He looks like it. Okay. He's built like it. I should say. So fine. See, like if that was my cousin, I'd fuck.

You guys heard it here first. Like, but if that was like my... I'm not agreeing with you on any of this bullshit. No, like if that was like my .0002% cousin... Yeah, you'd fuck your cousin. Say it, Jake. No. Is it that bad? To fuck your cousin. It's the fourth cousin. It doesn't matter. It has the word cousin in it. There's...

cousins with anyone. Everyone's related. No. There's so many humans in the world. Don't fuck your cousin, Jake. Okay. I didn't say you should fuck your cousin. You're a weird little motherfucker. Don't fuck your cousin. Okay, well, I'm just saying it's .0002% related. I know what you're saying. It's like, how did they even figure out they were fucking cousins to begin with? Like, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm.

Fucking disgusting. Are you having fun? I am having fun. I just found out my boyfriend of a year was texting random girls across the country for nudes. I broke up with him, but we still see each other regularly. My friends think it's dumb, but I like having him for affection. Should I go no contact or keep him by my side for comfort and still do my own thing? Keep him by your side for comfort and still do your own thing.

That's what a man would do. That's what you would do. Well, get rid of these questions because now I'm not relating to them. So that's about it. But you see what I'm saying? I don't know. What are you saying? How can I help? Give advice. We just talked about this. I can't stand it. What's your favorite song you've ever written?

See, that's a fun question. It is. I just think that when we start talking about music, that's when they tune out. I don't think they care. I think when I brought up your sex life, I think everyone was like, oh, this is going to be the best podcast episode. But you won't talk about your sex life. I won't. Because I'm thinking about what they want to see, right? I'm trying to accommodate. I feel like they would want to hear about your sex life too. No, they want to hear about yours. What's the longest you've ever treaded water for? Minus seven minutes. I had to do it for the deep water test.

I don't know. I think I could go a long time, though. Really? I was just in Austin, and we went to Barton Springs. And I was out there. What's Barton Springs? It's this massive pool that is, like, made with, like, there's a river. It's like a river, but they, like, carved a pool out of it. And there's just, it's, like, very European. And there's just, like, people laying in the grass. And then you jump in, and it's, like, an actual, it's river water. It's not a pool. And I treaded water for what felt like...

An hour. Who were you with? My band. Are those your best friends, your band? They're my friends. They're my friends. My word. They're my friends. I take best friend very seriously. Who's your best friend? My best friends have been my best friends since like kindergarten. How'd you guys meet? Kindergarten. You want to know how I did it though? Yeah. This is the type of bitch I am. In kindergarten, I had...

I had a friend, this new kid who had just moved to our town was walking by and I had like kind of befriended him and I made them shake hands and I was like, we're going to be best friends. Aw. And they shook hands. So you're like the leader of your friend group? I think they wouldn't like to admit it, but I think I am. I think you are too. What's their, when's their birthdays? August. Leo. And December. December what? December. And August what?

20, December 27th. Okay, so Capricorn. Cool. And August 17th. Leo. Virgo? I don't even know my parents' birthday, but I know theirs. Do you know your parents' birthday? How do you wish them a happy birthday? I'm going to be honest with you. I forgot my dad's birthday this year. It was really horrible. Yeah. All my siblings will text me.

Yeah, I got that too. You have siblings? Mm-hmm. How old? I want to say 33 and 34. Oh, you're the youngest? I'm a baby. Do they think it's really cool what you do? Um...

Yeah, we're all very different. So what do they do? Why is this like the only, this is, why did we just actually turn into a podcast? I don't know. Like this just now, what time are we at? You just killed the flow. We just turned it into an actual serious podcast and I hate it to be honest. Okay, so do you want to stop talking about it? Let's stop talking about it. I love my siblings. What do they do? I'm curious. My sister, my brother's a lobsterman. What is that? He goes out on lobster boats and he catches lobsters. That's fucking cunts. Yeah, it is cunt as fuck.

That's kind of my sister does like physical therapy. I forget you're from Maine. Not Kansas. Not Kansas. Anymore. Did you like your university water? It did. Yeah, it was good. It was a good one. Tucker. I don't know. I had a lot of fun. Oh, you. Okay. All right. I had a lot of fun. Do you think we like outdid ourselves from last time or do you think last time was better? I'm very curious. I. What do you guys think?

I think last time might have been a home run, but I don't know. Like, did you guys think this one was funny? Very funny. Different energy. Different energy. What was, like, the energy? I kind of matched him a little more. You guys are synced now. Yeah. This was more aggressive, I feel like. Aggressive? On my end. Oh, okay. I feel like I've spent a lot of time attacking you. Maybe, yeah. Maybe I need to do some... Soul searching? Yeah. Yeah.

Self-analyzing. How old are you again? I'm 27. Damn. How old are you? 25. We should go out sometime. I ask. I know. I ask. I know. But also, you live so far away. It's crazy that you live over here. Why did you choose over here? I like it. I can walk everywhere. I'm by the beach. It's like almost a highway right there, though. Okay, why don't you just dox me while we're at it? I'm trying not to. I think that's pretty general.

I don't. Sorry. Sorry. Tucker, like, I don't. It's hot in here, right? You don't get hot? No, we're good right now. We're good. What are you doing for the rest of the day? We start rehearsals today. What does that look like for you? Do you have dance numbers? Like, no. We have a bunch of dancers for this tour. Really? Mm-hmm. Shut the fuck up. Me. We have three dancers behind me. Are you lying or are you being serious? And then we have drums, guitar.

bass and keys guitar does he actually have dancers behind him and i play guitar what's you what song are you most excited to perform you rolled your eyes at your own body of work that was even hard for you to do i watched it in your eyes that was like hard for you to ask you're like so what is your favorite yeah you're right it's like you threw it away okay okay so let me like should we talk like you don't want to help the pussies with their problems

I think I did my part. It's just as soon as we got to cousin fucking, I feel like that was more year-round, we found out. Do you read? No. I don't either. Do you ever have aspirations to act? Yes. Me too. Really? Yeah, I was just in my first commercial. Really? For what? Walmart. For Walmart? Yep. Really? Walmart, Black Friday, Deals of Desire. Shut up. Swear to God. Are you allowed to say that? Yeah, it's out. Do you think I'd be a good actor? I think you'd be amazing. Why? Why?

I don't know. I actually have no evidence to back that up. Because it was like a second ago when you asked me what my favorite song is to perform. That was really bad acting on your part because you tried to do this like you're interested thing. So is that why you don't want to talk about it? Because you talk about it on other shows. Your art, your music. In the right environment. Like this, I know that they don't really care about like an artist's

Well, who are you to say that? I just know. I just know. So what do you think they want to hear from you? What do you think that they would be interested in hearing from you? I don't know. I think they just like to hear you talk. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. And I don't think they want to hear you be like, what was it like writing that song? Like, was that, like, mentally fucked for you? It's like, no, they don't care about that. They would rather you, I don't know, the other things you ask when it comes out of your mouth naturally rather than being like,

Like, what's your favorite song to perform? Okay, Tucker. So what did we learn today? I learned that you have low-key a hard time being vulnerable. Mm-hmm. That's true. That's true. I make a joke out of everything. Yeah, you do. Everything's a bit to you. That's true. And I was just with my tour manager actually does the same exact thing. Everything's a bit to him. Yeah. Why do you think that is? I don't know. I couldn't figure out if it was like you genuinely don't care and you have no qualms or anxieties. Yeah.

Or like you use it as a method to repress those anxieties. Probably that. Okay. If I were to spend time. Thinking about it. Thinking about it. Probably that. Well, I think you're doing. I think it works. I think you're doing great. That's great. And you should try it. What? Repression? You should try it. Thanks. That is my advice for you today. Okay. Well, I had a great time with you. I had a great time too. Really? Yes. Okay.

And I would still love to go out at some point if you just came a little bit. Do you want to see the substance? Oh, you don't have time. The other way. Yeah. I hate seeing movies in LA. I can't do it. Wait, why? Because parking garages and like they're all in malls. I don't drive. Right. It ends up being like a hundred dollars. Of course. Tucker, thank you so much for coming back to the therapist's office. We love you so much here. You're welcome anytime. I love you. Thank you. I love you too.

That was hard for you to say. No, I love you. Okay, okay, okay. I do love you. I love you. Your octopussies are the reason I do it, and you guys are the reason I'm here, and I'm so thankful for you every day. Come see me on tour. You come see me on tour. Uh-huh. He's joking, guys, but seriously, come see me on tour. Love you, pussies! He's got you up, he's slaying, and he's shook. It's Therapus, Therapus, Therapus, Therapus.