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cover of episode Session 39: Claudia Oshry

Session 39: Claudia Oshry

2024/8/17
logo of podcast Therapuss with Jake Shane

Therapuss with Jake Shane

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The hosts discuss the anticipation and hope associated with Fridays, reflecting on the weekend ahead and personal favorite days.

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Surprise, pussies! Happy Friday! We have a Friday surprise episode with the one, the only Claudia Oshry. She is so goddamn funny and she makes me laugh so hard. So I'm so excited for this episode to make you laugh the way it made me laugh. You know I love to do a Friday surprise ep. Fridays are... I want to say they're my favorite day of the week, but I think that... I want to say Junday is my favorite day of the week just because obviously, but...

Fridays really like there's so much hope to be had on a Friday. You know, like, like you have the whole weekend, you have your whole you've got everything ahead of you. You know, it's so you have John Day ahead of you, which is why I think makes Friday so amazing. So this weekend, what am I doing this weekend? Hopefully nothing.

Hopefully absolutely nothing. As always, submit Tell Me What's Wrong to PassThatPuss.com. Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy and enjoy the episode. Love you, pussies. Good morning, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Today we have Claudia Otrey, girl with no job, host of The Toast. That's right. Ooh, host of The Toast. Pussy PSA. Pussy PSA. Obsessed. So excited to be here. You told me you had some exclusive news to tell me about. Oh, no, no.

I knew that we were going to be talking about TTPD and I felt like if I wanted to be my most authentic self, I would have to share a part of my TTP journey that I'm not necessarily proud of. Okay. Well tell me. I feel like you're like a toxic fan who's going to yell at me. No, I'm actually the opposite. I'm not. Yeah, no, you're the opposite. I'm going to say it and I'm going to ruminate on it. And if I decide later in the day that I want this cut out, we're going to, we're all going to honor that. Okay. I did it. I listened when it was leaked.

to like a crack addict. Do you want crack? Yeah. And I wanted, let me tell you why. I was forced to. By who? Society. I can't believe you did that. Oh my God, shut the. So basically, we were just having this conversation offline. Like, it's so much pressure to be an influential voice in the Swifty community. They're like, what's your ranking? What do you think? What do you like? I don't know. It takes me a minute. So I thought if I had like two, three days head start. Yeah.

I would be able to get, like I was on vacation. I was like, this is so perfect. This is what I should be doing. And let me just tell you this. Like, man plans, God laughs. I did the work, and the second the album dropped, there was a whole second album. The leak was only the first part. Right, okay. I actually. But I'm an extremely, you know, motivated consumer. I bought the album. Of course. I pay for things. I bought merch. I bought a vinyl. I feel like I undid everything.

The damage. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's like getting an IV after drinking. I feel like it's a little bit more than that. No, but I honestly, I'm not mad at you. Thank you. I'm not mad about it. Okay. Because if the album debuted like underwhelmingly, I'd be angry. I knew it wasn't going to happen. But because our girl like broke records, like it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. And it's okay to not be okay. It's so okay to not be okay. Is that from the fault in our stars? No.

that's an amazing question. I think it's just a phrase, you know, and that it was in the fault in our stars. Right. But I don't know if it originated from that. Did you like that movie? I saw it in theaters. Okay. Um, with my sister Margo. I didn't cry. Uh, not only did I not cry, I laughed. The girls in the theater, like seriously, like they needed a therapist. Like the sobs, like choking. And I think I saw it at midnight. So it was like real fans the night. Yeah. I was like, Oh my fucking God. These people are not okay. It's a fuck.

It's a movie. Sobbing, choking, like crying, screaming, throwing up. The only movie that will ever make me cry is Marley and Me. The only movie that will ever make me cry is The Little Princess. Have you ever seen that movie? It's like such a deep cut. I think it's like a Disney Channel original movie, but if you know, you fucking know. That movie tore me up. She's like in an orphanage and they're so fucking,

And her dad, I haven't seen the movie in a while. I feel like it was a war. I'm not sure which one. Her dad is gone. Where's the dad? Where's the dad? Oh, he's gone. He's never coming back for you. Mean orphanage. One day, spoiler alert, the dad comes back. And she's a princess. And it's the rain. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh, this was it. The dad, I don't know why it's called The Little Princess. Like, she's not a princess. She's literally an orphan. Okay, I remember. The dad comes to the orphanage, but he has memory loss from the war. So he's staring at his little girl, and she's like, Dad, please get me the fuck out of here. I don't know.

And the dad's like, I literally don't know you, scram. And he's getting in the car and it's raining and he's leaving the orphanage. But then he's like, wait, Sarah? She's like, daddy, it's me. Sobs, violently sobbing. I love your laugh. I literally, I was telling you today, I know you're schtick. It's my, one of my favorite things you do on social media is like you scare people. Very Ellen coded of you, but you're not an asshole. Yeah.

I, everyone in my life knows this. I am scared so easily. Like seriously, sometimes there's like a hair on my shoulder. I'm like, oh! It doesn't take a lot. And I know it's in my future today. It is. It wasn't going to be. And then she texted me. I was like, honestly, like, so like I forgot about the scaring. Like I was like, I'm kind of over it. Like I forgot about it. And then she texted me this whole thing. If you scare me, I'll fucking kill you. I need to take a fucking Xanax. Like I'm so, everyone knows how fucking scared I get. And I was like, well, you just reminded me to scare you. So it is coming. That is so great. Yeah. I'm looking forward to the content.

Yeah, no, me too. I just know I'm going to have to go through this traumatic experience. It's going to be scary. In the next, no! It's going to be scary. Wait, I need to watch The Little Princess. You actually don't, but it's on Disney+. Oh, it is? Now I feel like the scare is coming. Like...

Is it going to be on the show or like TikTok? That would ruin the scare. Yeah. Okay, well, speaking of Disney+, like honestly, what's your favorite streaming platform? Such a good question. I feel like on the toast, we're always analyzing the different streaming platforms. I really can't focus. Can you promise me that it's not in like the next 10 minutes? Because then I'll forget about it. I'm going to give you a promise that it's not going to be in the next 20 minutes. Okay, like a grace period. Puss's honor. No, that's, that I'm lying. Okay. No, it's, I'm not, I promise.

Okay. What was the question? Favorite streaming platform. Of the moment, I think it's Max. I think they're doing really good work. I love like, you know, the vibes. It's nice. Yeah. Everything okay? Well, like think about it realistically. Like I'm not going to scare you from across the room. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

I don't think so. That scared me. Yes. Okay, Max is my favorite too, but why is it your favorite? I just feel like every time I go to Max, there's something for me to watch, whether it's a comfort show like Friends, Sex and the City. I love a show that's accessible. Okay. 10 episodes, 30 minutes. 30 minutes? Love. Love. Love 30 minutes. Like, okay, 22 episodes an hour long each, I'm out. I'm out. Out, out, out. Unless it's Shonda Rhimes.

No, I'm out. You're out? I'm literally out. No scandal, no grace? No scandal, no grace. Wow. Desperate housewives. My shit. Which desperate housewife would you say you are? I'm turning the tables interviewing you. Okay, my death. I'm the one with no friends and a single mother.

What's her name? Edie? No, what's her name? No friends and a single... Oh, Susan. Oh, so you're the worst human being on the planet. Got it, got it. I fucking hated Susan Meyer so much. Yeah, she's the worst. But it's okay. You know who I am? When I was younger, she was my least favorite. This happened to me with Sex and the City. Brie? No. With Sex and the City, I was like, if you call me Miranda, seriously, I'm going to go shoot my brains out. I would be so honored if someone called me... Now, as a fully grown adult who's experienced relationships, work...

If you're not Miranda, get the fuck away from me. Like, she was the only one with a good head on her shoulder. She was. She was the only one with a job. Yeah. Obsessed. Obsessed. So, I feel like if you had told me back in the day that I was a Lynette Scavo, seriously, shoot me now. Oh, I love Lynette Scavo. I love, she was done so dirty by her husband. She was done dirty and her kids were nightmares. Oh, her kids were horrible. Remember when her husband, like, made her quit her job so he could open a pizza place? Yeah. Seriously, she was like this big time executive. But no, yeah, let me,

quit and you could open up your passion store pizza place. That was crazy. And then do you remember when Bree's son, um,

Andrew. Slept with... Her fiance or her boyfriend or whatever. Yeah, that she dropped him off on the side of the road. That show was not fucking real. Like, seriously. But no, he like comes back and then ends up being like senior vice president of her big home Martha Stewart company. The show made no fucking sense. No sense. The way I needed to come back. Do you remember when she said, the final episode, she said, let's do one more lap around the block. Yeah. Full body chills. Let me ask you a question. As somebody who lives in LA, have you been to a Steria Lane on the lot? Oh my God, yeah. Where they do, where was I? Um...

You were just there. You did the rundown, right? Yes. That property thing, that's where they have a bunch of sets. And Wisteria Lane is still built because they use it. Sometimes I'll notice in other TV shows and movies, I'm like, oh. That's Wisteria. They like painted this house, but that's Wisteria Lane. A lot of those ABC shows. And just like if it's universal. Right. They'll use it. They use it in Heart of Dixie. Like it's.

If you're looking for Wisteria Lane, you can find it. Oh, wait. I'm going to look for it now. Do you watch Jesper Housewives, Louise? Yeah, you can go on the tour at Universal on the 18th. How long are you here for? I'm here to... Wow, you want to do a tour together? Done. I'll extend my trip. Wait, I'm dead. How long are you here for? Until Thursday night. Okay, like, do you want to go tomorrow? I'm 100%... I'm running a 5K tomorrow. What? You're actually doing that? Oh, yeah. Tomorrow.

Like, I'm literally running a 5K. I thought the whole thing was that you weren't doing that. It's definitely confusing if you've been following the journey. But it turns out there, I am doing it. At the end of the day, I'm running a 5K tomorrow at the Rose Bowl. Whoa. Yeah, it's kind of like, it's kind of major. You want to do it with me? What time are you going? It starts, so it's like, it's open to the public. But then at 11, a bunch of, like, comedians, podcasters are running it. I think it was supposed to, like, I don't know what the point of it was to, like, get people outside. But I was like, you know what?

Let me use this as an opportunity. I've always wanted to run because I feel like a lot of attention comes with running. When I say I'm a runner, people ask me questions. When I'm running through the park, people are like, oh my God, she's a model. And so I am doing it. And I'm really excited. It's at 11? It's at, so I think like the famous people run at 11, yeah. I'm interested. Are you? I'm interested. He can run, right? Ben is running with me and Josh Peck. Oh, I'm very interested in this. Oh my God, we have to get puss at the 5K. Wait, I would do this. Are you?

It's 3.1 miles. I can do that. It feels accessible. I've been vaping, though. Okay. I'm so glad you brought that up. Okay. Because I'm... Back on it? No. One month is it? One month sober, I must admit. Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it.

Yeah, I miss it, but I am five months clean and it went hand in hand with me starting to train for this and it will slow you down. I'm not going to lie. I know it's, I can't, I'm huffing and puffing all the time. I'm so jealous. What, what kind of technology are you working with? What piece? Like I smoked one the other day that like lit up.

Oh, that's definitely like a low. I had like a charger. That's a personal low for you, I would say. It was really bad. Yeah, yeah. What's your go-to bar? Flume Guava Citrus. I was a mango tropical stick girly back in my day. I remember. I hit it. Yeah, I literally. Do you miss it? I don't miss it anymore day to day because I was at a place where I was really doing it too much. I don't think it's a big deal to like go to a party and do it. Like, okay, YOLO. Yeah, agreed. But, you know, when you're doing your makeup in the morning and like, you know,

and vaping, I feel as though that perhaps might be an issue. Wait, I've been meaning to ask you because I just feel like I was like, I want to talk about this and I want to talk about it with Claudia. Okay, have you watched the new Elizabeth Moss show?

No. Okay. It's hard for me to watch because she's a Scientologist. Yeah. Yeah. I felt that way about the show that everybody loves. Handmaid's Tale. It's like a little too on the nose. Yeah. It's like something's wrong. I did like her in Mad Men. Her Scientology wasn't enough to turn me off. She's amazing. Yeah. But like- I don't know that actually. Oh, with the veil? It's great. Yeah. I'm sure it is. I'm also at a place in my life where I cannot-

watch something on the television without just being on TikTok and forget, like forgetting that the TV is on. Me too. I cannot pay attention. I can't. So if I actually successfully watch something, I feel like that's like Turdy's stamp of approval. It's a huge honor. What's the last thing you successfully watched? Well, it was on the plane. I feel like plane doesn't count because you're just forced. Yeah, it does. But just what was it? I watched Unfrosted on Netflix. The, um...

New Jerry Seinfeld movie. Oh. Yeah, I had some notes, but it was very good. Okay. One of the notes was that I should have been in it. What's the last? So I feel like this is definitely indicative of some sort of undiagnosed mental health disorder, but I really can't watch new shows. Yeah, I get that. I'm always re-watching either Friends, Sex and the City, and then with Ben, so many of the shows that I loved growing up, he didn't really watch because, you know, he's not a girl. So I made him watch Gossip Girl.

He loved it. Who doesn't? And then we watched the OC, but we didn't finish it because let me tell you, that show doesn't age well. Like it's actually bad and boring and stupid. Okay. That's why I don't want to watch it. That's what I've been saying. Have you never seen it? No. Let me tell you, Ben liked it. When I was like, we're not watching it anymore. I like made the executive decision. I remember your rewatch. He was like, he loved it.

It was bad. Like, everyone was so stupid. I can't watch stupid people being stupid. Like, I have too much of that in my own life. Right. It's frustrating. Okay, well, speaking of stupid people, what are you a therapist about, Claudia? Well, I've been, you know, traveling a lot. Yeah, you have been a lot. Yeah, like low-key, so booked and busy. So grateful to the Lord. Um...

And I feel like traveling is just like sort of horrible. Horrible. And so I feel like Ben was therapist at me yesterday. I did something kind of crazy and I wanted to get your take on it. Okay. So I landed yesterday and I immediately had to go do a podcast. So I did my glam on the plane. Okay. What else was I doing? And I'm not one of those people like, yeah, but I did make a tick tock, but I'm not one of those people. And I

I was done and I slayed the house down boots with the glam. Yeah. And I was setting my face and I put on a lot of setting spray because like when you're under these lights, you know, you want to look cute and clean. And it was a definitely really fragrant setting spray. And I didn't really think much about like, and I put a shit ton on. I was like, and I'm very like nose, fragrant, phobic. Like if somebody is wearing a crazy perfume, especially on a plane, like seriously, I'm

Die. No fly list. Yeah, like, that's why I can't go into Sephora. Oh, right. So I basically, like, I did, I, Ben was like, that was the craziest thing ever that you just did that. Like, I have a headache now and everyone around you was looking at us. And I was like, I guess that is kind of crazy that I did that. I didn't notice it at the time, but yeah, it's kind of nuts. But you had to do what you had to do. I had to do what I had to do. But what I'm personally therapist about, I just wanted to bring that up, is, and of course, an excuse to talk about the 5K. A lot of people are doubting me.

Well, I didn't even know you were doing it, Claudia. But I've been talking about it a lot on my podcast, and I think some people are like, oh my God, we got it. And either they're fatigued by it or they're thinking I'm not going to do it. But dead ass, I don't know when this episode comes out, I'll probably have already done it. And what have you done? Nothing. Yeah. Wait, speaking of 5Ks, you said you had a message for Brett. I do have a message for Brett. I wish she was here because I just want to tell her something that I personally feel very strongly about, and I think maybe a lot of her followers feel strongly about too. Okay.

Rice cakes aren't dessert. They never have been. And they literally never will be. And I want to take you to Dylan's Candy Bar and show you what real life is like, Brett. There's a whole world out there. And I could help with that.

Rice cakes aren't dessert. They're like literally not a dessert, period blank. They're not. No, they never will be. Have you ever had a dessert bowl? Well, yeah, but my dessert bowls don't look anything like her dessert bowls. What does yours look like? Whatever the fuck I can find. Like the most horrible fattening things for you, put it in a bowl. I will say the one rice cake I do like is when they're covered in chocolate. Okay, which, like what brand? Some fuck shit brand. With like the chocolate chips? No, no, no, it's like dipped in chocolate.

Undercut the quinoa. I don't know. I don't know if I could ever say I loved something with quinoa. Yeah. I feel like we tolerate quinoa. We do. We don't love quinoa. We don't. I'd rather have rice. I'd rather have a donut, you know? Yeah. I haven't had a donut in so long. Should we get donuts? I would get a donut with you after this. I mean, I love donuts. What's your favorite donut place?

Oh my God, amazing question. Krispy Kreme, original, fresh out the oven, hot glazed. I don't like the schmutz inside. Yeah, disgusting. And I don't need like a whole affair on top. Yeah, neither do I. Glazed is perfection. Glazed, that's it. A warm one. And so actually they do sell them in the grocery store, which I feel like is obviously not as ideal. But let me tell you, 20 seconds in the microwave, you'll think you're out of Krispy Kreme. Are you serious? Follow me for more diet tips.

I like the ones from Penn Station, but I just can't go to Penn Station. Yeah, no, I feel that. I went to, oh, Hailey Bieber. You know how she does, like, glaze? That's, like, her thing. She had, like, a beauty event, and it was at Krispy Kreme, which was very on brand. Right, that was very cool. I saw that. It was very cool. And, like, there was a donut factory, like, in the middle of the facility. That's cool. And, like, Justin Bieber was there, and Hailey Bieber was there, and everyone's, like, looking at Justin and Hailey. I'm like, I'm going to be eating the donut. Like, I could not have been taken away. Did they eat the donuts? No.

I didn't see Justin eating one, but I saw Haley eating one. Okay. But like they have this conveyor belt where they frost it and like it's the Times Square location. So they make it, it's all glass. You can look inside. I was mesmerized. Like it was more, it was more, it was better than honestly going to a cereal lane. Like it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. Like I couldn't even look at Justin Bieber. I was like the donuts. Oh, he's so yummy though. Yummy, yummy. No pun intended. Who's your celebrity crush? Ashton Kutcher. Joe Mancinello. Who? Is that?

Is that Sofia Vergara's ex-husband? Mm-hmm. And Trini Asher is future husband. Wait, he was in True Blood. You know I used to watch True Blood when I was a kid. I mean, it's definitely not a kid-friendly show. No, and it really, like, bugged me out. I know, but it was like...

It was so dumb, first of all. All these vampires, like, fucking. The entire show was sex. Which is why we loved it and why it was successful. And I feel like Anna Paquin deserved better from Hollywood. And I think she married the other vampire. She married Belle. Belle, yeah. Was that his name?

I don't know. I just copied what you said. Okay. But that show was like full of smoke shows. Yeah. Alexander Skarsgård. The hottest person I've ever seen in my life. Like Die For You would take a bullet. And then of course Joe Manganiello, which is where my love affair started. Really? And I do, like not to blow smoke up my own ass, but I do think, I don't look that different than Sofia Vergara. Now obviously we're not like...

We're both brunette and we're both like big breasted. Like I think actually if he had a type, I might fall into the category. I think you could do it. And I know he's in a relationship and that's great. With Sofiesto? No, no. They're both seeing other people now. Oh, well, what am I therapist about? Oh, I feel like shit. Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe if you took better care of yourself. I know. That's what I'm saying. I'm bad that I didn't take better care of myself this weekend. But how old are you? 24. When I was 24, I always felt like shit. Not to be such a grandma and I will not say how old I am, but I have a few years on you. Okay. Can you whisper how old you are?

Yeah. That's not bad. Okay. It's not great. It's not great. It's not great for like, you know, the digital age. Right. But when I was 20... You fucking dick! I know. I thought you were readjusting. I screwed it up. I hate you. I'm so glad it's over. Is it? I feel like that wasn't so bad. No, it wasn't bad. Do it again. I'm not afraid of it anymore, so you can't hurt me. What's done is done. What's done is done. We did it. Sweating. Yeah. Yeah.

What was the question? Something about your age that you didn't want to talk about. Oh, yeah. So just know, like, when I was 24, I was always feeling like shit. It wasn't until, like, six months ago I decided to really start taking care of myself and, like, you know, eating well, exercising, things of that nature. When I was 24, I was always eating like shit. I always felt tired and groggy, and I was always hungover. So, like, to be young, you know? Live your best life. I'm living. Yeah. You have time to be well. Right. Now's not the time. Okay. Well, speaking of unwell...

Let's do the tell me what's wrongs. Okay. That was a good segue, huh? Killed it. Professional podcaster. Joe Rogan who? Professional fucking podcaster. I think I did your podcast before I had a podcast. Yes, but you told me about it like I knew before everyone else. That's just what I wanted to say. I'm so excited for your advice on these because I know it's going to be unhinged. Well, I did want to say, Previs, I feel like your audience...

is a little younger than mine. They're like Gen Z, would you say? I feel like I'm firmly like, you know, zillennial, whatever they call it. Ooh, I love zillennials. Yeah, I mean, I'm technically a millennial, but I won't say it, so I'm a zillennial. No, I think you're a zillennial. Yeah, I have a TikTok. Yeah, you're a zill. But, and we do advice on our podcast too, and we are kind of known for, you know, delivering harsh truths. I'm not gonna coddle you. This isn't, you know, this is tough love. It is tough love. So I just wanna prerequisite because I feel like the younger people are very like, oh, my feelings. I don't,

I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. Well, it's time to deliver them. Okay. This guy has posted me to his main Insta. I've posted him. We've hung out every single day since January. It's fucking May. And now we're partying waves for summer and I'm still not officially his girlfriend. He blames it on a bad breakup in the past. What should I do? Run. Run. Like literally run. But like also like I'm not going to name names, but like this. Whisper it. I don't know who those people are. Happened to them. And now he's like the love of all of our lives. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I know who they are. Yeah. Got it. I mean, okay, so I've been with my husband for 11 years, and we have an amazing, you know, knock wood, no problems. But, like, every relationship does have, like, a murky beginning when you're young. So we met when I was 18 and he was 20. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, 18 and 21. And, you know, he didn't like me, and I just loved him. And I was like, we are going to wed. Yeah.

And wed you did. Wed we did. But let me tell you the first couple of months, like we're humiliating on my behalf. Like I was really desperate. So obsessed. Like I just knew there was something there and he had just gotten out of a relationship and he made it abundantly clear to me. He did not lie to me once. He said, I'm really not interested in a relationship. And I just like was deaf. And I was like, but we love each other. What are you talking about? And so I will say every relationship definitely has like a beginning where it was like not ideal. But this is just, I don't know, six months is a long time. I want to say run, but if I told...

to run, we wouldn't have blank in our lives. I do feel like the blank is the exception, not the rule. Okay. And I happen to think with my situation too, I don't think it should be like a lesson to girls to do what I did. Right. Because I do think my situation...

It never ends up like that. It's the exception to the rule. So run. Run fast for your mother. Run fast for your... Run like me tomorrow at the 5K. Yes. Honestly, I think if she runs, they'll come running back. Well, that's also... You never want to say that. But it's always great to leave when someone has done you wrong because you leave with your dignity and all that. But there's like this small chance that because you left, like they want what they can't have. Right. That's not a reason to run. Right. But that is what happened with blank and blank. But that's what happened with...

- Turnie and Ben. - Really? - Yeah, I was like, it was two months that he would be like go on dates and stuff, but he was really just like wanting to like have like hang around, have fun. I was like, oh, I wanna be engaged. - Right. - And we were just not aligned and it got to a place I think like I actually felt really embarrassed and I was like, oh my God, you know what? I'm done. I was like mad. - Yeah. - 'Cause I have like, I was desperate, but I also have integrity. - Yeah, you do have integrity. - I know where I'm not wanted. - Yeah. - Let's say that.

So it was like immediate, like no contact. Right. No more texting. And like in two weeks we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Wow. It does work. But I don't like to say, because like I feel like stuff like that is so stupid. But it does work. It works. It works. It works. It's like eating a spoon full of pink. Does it work? It's a very like hetero thing. Does it work with the queer community as well? I've never had a boyfriend. Oh, right, right, right. But I'm desperate. Let's talk about that. I'm desperate. But then when someone gets close to me, I'm like, get away. Interesting. Maybe. And what does your actual therapist say about that? Um, she...

Honestly. So working through it? I don't, every time I'm on the phone with my therapist, I'm somehow in a fight with like Julia or something. So she really just like coaches me through the fight. But maybe you're actually lashing out at the people around you so that, like around therapy. So you don't actually have to go into therapy and talk about what's really bothering you. Breakthrough.

And by the way, I don't even do therapy. I think that's it. 100%. It's weird. I literally said to Louise the other day, I was like, I fight with my friends every time I have therapy. It's so weird. Oh my God, it's almost like you're self-sabotaging. Yeah, because one time we talked about my naked body on therapy and I was like, I can never do this again. Oh, okay. That's why therapy's not for me. You know? My naked body is none of my fucking business. Yes, none of my business. And my naked body seriously upsets me so much. No, I literally can't be naked. And if you were to ask me who my nemesis is,

It's my naked body. Yeah, me too. Like, I can't sleep naked. I don't understand how people can sleep naked. No, that's insane. Insane. It's insane. Although, I have recently been doing this thing where I don't wear underwear. That's fine. And part of it is, like, I just don't want to. Yeah. The other part of it is, like, I only have so much space in my suitcase, you know? Yeah. And underwear doesn't fit. I need, like, a flat iron. Okay, well, I was at Coachella, and I had five pairs of underwear, and I thought that was enough, and I obviously ran out. Of course. So it's extremely, like...

Apparently it's like really disgusting if you shower and put on the same underwear. Yes, it is. That is correct. But I had no more. And you just learned that. No, but I had no more underwear. Okay. And so hand washing. I hand washed some of my like delicates. Yeah. First of all, if you have nice underwear, you should hand wash them. What is a hand wash situation? You know, you plug the sink. Okay.

Fill it up with warm water. Some people bring their own wool light. I'm not there yet. Okay. Some soap. Let it marinate. Okay. And then scrub and rinse the areas. You don't need to scrub the whole thing, but obviously like the patch where your vagina goes, like that obviously needs to be tended to. And hang it up to dry on the shower. It's really like not a big deal. That's what I would have, if I was in your Coachella house, had you invited me, I would have told you to hand wash your undies. Laundry machine? They had one.

- They had one, yet you still chose to re-wear dirty underwear. Let's talk about that. - I just was like, I can't. - I feel that. - I was like, I can't, I'm so tired. I'm mentally drained. - Yeah, no, I feel that. - And also we're gonna cut whatever I'm about to say really quickly. - It's so hard to be such a gossip girl. - Yeah, it's so hard. - Are you a Serena or a Blair? - Blair. - Obviously, okay, thank God. - What are you, Blair? - Blair. - Who the fuck is a Serena? - Somebody dumb and annoying. She was so self-destructive, she made some of the worst decisions. I just rewatched it so it's all fresh. - Okay, yeah, tell me. - When she's dating Armie Hammer,

And he ends up being like a Ponzi scheming, like cocksucker who steals from everyone in Lily's building. And then Lily has to pay back all the people. The signs were there. The signs were there. Cause like Serena was like down for it. It's like, girl, you live in a penthouse. You are six feet tall. You are so skinny. Drop dead gorgeous. Hair is herring. It's thick. Like you've never had to take a supplement in your life. Stop. Stop. Stop. We don't feel bad for you. She was just so like down on herself all the time. The whole like dynamic between Lily

Serena and Blair was like super toxic and like they were best friends but they literally hated each other. And while I hate Serena and I love Blair, I do feel like Blair was just really insecure. I actually feel, you know, Serena was just that type of girl. We all know girls like that who enter a room and like everybody gravitates towards them. You know, some people say I'm like that. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

And I think it's just like some people have that natural ability, that shine, that energy. And Serena had that and Blair didn't. Yeah, she didn't. Blair had a lot of other things. Yeah, she was really good at being vindictive. Uh-huh. Plotting, planning, scheming, fashion, all of the things. All of the things. But Serena had that dazzle. Yeah. And I think it bothered Blair. Of course, it would bother me too. I would freak out. Like, I couldn't be friends with someone like that. No, neither could I. Yeah. Neither could I.

Wait, what are we prescribing this person? Oh, right. What was the thing? We're prescribing a 5K, like run. Okay, yeah. We'll prescribe a 5K. Run fast. Yeah, run fast away from him. Yeah. My friend has been obsessed. Oh my God, I'm obsessed with this. My friend has been obsessively lying about her virginity for the past four months. And it's one of those ridiculous things and I can't help but laugh, but she's literally lying to so many people and it's kind of bothering me.

Let her live. I just feel like we all live in the fantasy of our own minds. Agreed. And I lie. I've lied like 16 times on this podcast. It is what it is. We're all just doing our best to survive and create the narrative, create our own stories. Right. And like if you maybe like if it really bothers you, you can be like, girl, like I know you're lying. But just, you know, note that she lies. Maybe keep that in mind if she ever like says, you know, you owe me money. She's obviously a liar. Right. She's a liar. So good to know. I feel like have you had this experience with someone, you know, and there are a moment comes where you realize this person's a liar.

And I joke like I'm lying, but I'm a truth-telling person. I don't lie about anything that matters. It's a crazy moment. You're like, whoa. And then you realize, once you have that realization, it's kind of like the veil has been lifted. And every time you interact with this person, you know everything coming out of their mouth is a fucking lie. It's crazy.

It's a really unfathomable thing. So you know that now about her and you can interact with her knowing that. I would prescribe, I don't even know. I would prescribe just like having an awareness. Yeah. You know, being aware. You don't need to write people off. Like that's not something that's a little dramatic. Right. But know this girl's a liar. Maybe don't have sex with her. Right. And mind your own business a little bit, you know? That's that her espresso. Yeah. Right. Right. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean. Which, by the way, that.

saying like that's that me espresso is going to go down in history. I agree. Like history. Can I ask you a question speaking of expressions because I've been saying a lot you know that's common knowledge I fear. Okay. And you know you this is like a major viral moment from your podcast. You know how good that felt for me? Do I know? Actually I don't but I imagine. No you're one about

Who's the Kenny Ortega? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was exceptional. Thank you so much. But do you find like going viral almost hinders your creative spirit because you sit here trying to say viral things? I notice people on social media do that. Well, no, because it's always the stuff you never expect. So true.

Brett was the first episode that I uploaded on a Friday because we wanted to get it up before the marathon. So it was my double episode in a week. I didn't really have any crazy expectations for it. I had one clip, that clip. That's so crazy. I had a clip and a dream. It was a really, I feel...

Crazy thing for you to think. That marathons weren't the same length? Right. Well, because like, how was I supposed to know? No, it's a good point too. It's a good point. But like, everyone was like coming for her being like, well, that's not common sense. I'm like, but that is actually common sense. Oh my God. Was it divisive in the friend group? Did you guys get into an actual thing? No, no, no. The common section. You guys don't let the common section come between you? No, no, no. Never. That's so good.

I keep posting on social media, whether it's my private TikTok, Insta, whatever, but I get so insecure and take it down. Well, it's, I feel like we're kind of ill-equipped to answer this question because we see social media and how we use social media is so different than like other people. Right. I do it like, cause I'm building a business, you know, and I'm thinking about ads and I'm thinking about, you know, engagement. I'm very almost strategic if you will. I don't know what it's like to, and I haven't probably since like my freshman year of college to post on Instagram, like a

a normal person? I think. I kind of miss it. She, if she's feeling like so insecure about this, like you just need like a good group of friends or family around you because like my friends were always so supportive of my past Atlas journey. They always thought it was so funny. They always supported everything I did. Is there a friend or not even a friend, like someone you know who like when you were building, of course, it's all fun and games when you have millions of followers and a million likes, but when you're posting content that's like

influencer but you have no influence people can make fun of you I'm sure they did but my best friends were such good best friends that I locked it all out that's amazing like Julia and Brett were like really like that's who I lived with at the time really were like you're a star like you're a star like this is amazing do what you need to do yeah I feel like a lot of people who are now like have platforms have like people in their lives who they know like used to make fun of their content and like now they're super super nice yeah always

I hooked up with the sexiest 6'3 muscular gorgeous man who ghosted me a week later and now I don't think I'll find anyone attractive ever again. How do I get over him? Please and thank you. Oh my God. I wouldn't. Honestly, I think you should just like, you know, gratitude is so important. Like you hooked up with someone and not to be rude, but it's sounding like you're saying this is like someone who's a little out of your league. And sometimes that happens to, you know, normies. Like we get unbelievably exceptionally good looking people to give us time of day. It's really, it won't last a lifetime. It won't. But just,

Don't cry that it's over. Smile that it happened. That's like what I had with, um, who will bleep. But, um, he was 32. He was an ex-Oxycontin addict. Dark. And he, he used to smoke it with his roommate who was from Florida. Florida! It's one hell of a drug! Yes, for him it was. And,

And I was really just down bad for him. Like, his traumatic past. Like, he told me he was the frat drug dealer. We love a boy with an entrepreneurial spirit. Yeah, and he was the love of my life. I hooked up with him twice, and I've never found anyone as attractive since. I do feel like we should leave this in. I'm just going to go on record saying we can bleep out his name, but the people need to know, like, this is your podcast. I think people should know a little bit more about you. And, you know, you banging a former drug dealer is just...

I now feel like I know you a lot better. Don't you want that sort of transparent, authentic relationship with your followers? I'm just so scared of getting in trouble. I always have been. And I need to get over it. And I need to get over it. Okay, I have this conversation a lot with my friend Taylor because she did radio for like 11 years at SiriusXM. And like, when I tell you nobody gives less of a fuck than her, like, she will literally call out people first, last name, address. Yeah. And, you know, as...

Time has went on. It's obviously come to bite her in the ass. And I feel like I'm the total opposite. Or actually, you're the total opposite. You err so much on the side of caution that I feel like it maybe limits you creatively. Do you feel that way? It does, yes. There's a happy medium somewhere in between. Right. Using your gut, your judgment, what to share, what's appropriate. Bleep it out, but...

that's an interesting story. Getting critique, whether people feel it's valid or not, is going to affect, if you read that, it's going to affect how you interact. And like, people follow you for you. They love you. You're crazy out there. You know, sometimes crazy takes. I feel like reading that sort of stuff is going to stifle you

creatively. It does. Seriously stop reading it. Okay I'm done. It's the best thing you could do seriously for your career. Okay. Give yourself one year of not reading that shit. Tell me where you are in a year because it wouldn't be where you are if you kept sitting home every day reading the comments. Okay I'm done reading. No I seriously made a commitment to myself like two years ago. I was not going to engage anymore with like and

any sort of negative feedback, negative critique, even if it was like done in a way that people think is respectful. They're always like, I'm being respectful. You're fat. And they always think, but let me tell you how dramatically my life has improved in a personal, in a professional way. I just stopped. You've never been funnier. That's so funny. Thank you. You've never been funnier. I podcasted yesterday with Sebastian Maniscalco, who's like arguably one of the biggest comedians that came out this morning. Um,

And I was definitely nervous. I don't really get nervous, but he's certainly not like a, my usual, you're a classic, perfect person for the toast. We're same vibe. Same like he's, you know, different age. He has a totally different audience. I was, I was like a little like, I don't know what I'm gonna talk to this guy about. Right. Um, it went super well. And there was like probably six or seven times where he was like belly laughing and like,

you can't touch me today that's why i'm being so funny like sebastian matiscalco gassed me the fuck up yesterday like belly belly laughing i have chills i know and i feel like sometimes and maybe you you feel this way too because you operate in circles like you know really legitimate circles you meet people and people come on the show who aren't going on every podcast and you definitely feel like you have something to prove and maybe they come in like not really understanding the shtick but by the time they leave you want them to like totally get it right like you're gonna dazzle them and

Sometimes maybe they come in a little skeptical, being like, oh, I was told to do this. I don't really know this girl. And you try so, so hard. And that was the experience that I had. I was like, I just want him to get it when he lives. And I feel like he totally got it. I think you're my inspiration. Oh, my God. I think you're my best friend. You are. I love you. I love you. You did a live show, correct? I did. How did that go? Great. And I was really...

I told all these stories that I really didn't want getting back to certain people. And I was like, do I just tell people to put their phones down? And I was like, oh, fuck it, whatever. It's hard because you don't want shit getting out. When you do stand-up, it's like someone could also record the entire thing. And when I was shooting a special, I was like, if somebody just came with their phone and recorded this whole 90 minutes, my special, no one would watch it. They could watch it for free. I loved your special. Thank you so much. It's available for streaming on Prime Video. It's called...

Lean in. Oh my God, not me forgetting. Wait, so what the fuck are we? Oh, you know what? I know what I'm prescribing this girl. Okay. Listen to an episode of The Toast. Agreed. Wait, what was her problem again? That she hooked up with someone out of her league and now she's feeling bad about herself. No, seriously, this is an opportunity for you to journal. People are always gratitude journaling. You should just be grateful. Do you journal? Do I journal?

No. Yeah. Do I look like I journal? No, that's why I'm like, do you journal? No. And seriously, I don't even know how to write with a pen anymore. Like every time I have to like sign a check, I'm like, what are numbers? What are letters? Like I'm so digital. Same. I can't go. Whenever I'm like signing a bill or doing something that requires handwriting, I can't go analog. I can't go back. I know. Neither can I. I'm living in the future. I'm moving forward. I'm moving forward too. And like, I think that's important. That's why like when they come over with the iPad or the credit card machine, that totally works for me. I like that. However, it's like a little awkward when they're like tip.

Oh, well, of course, when they're staring right you in the face. And I'm like... Sure. Sure, I guess. I guess. Like, can we just be like Europe where we don't have to tip and just pay them properly? Like, we could be like Europe. We could, we could. But we're not. They don't value air conditioning in Europe. They don't value ice and they don't value portion sizes. And I'm an American. Yeah. I want a big portion. I want AC. I want air conditioning blowing up my fucking ass. Yes. And yeah, okay, I'll tip if you give me ice. Like, what the hell is with the no ice thing? I was in London during the heat wave and I went into...

A depression. Okay, I'm going to butcher this name. Yeah, number one, a fucking depression. Number two, a Pret-a-Manger, Pret-a-Manger, whatever the fuck it's called. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Margot, my sister, like, loves Pret. People call it Pret, I think, because they seriously don't know how to pronounce the whole thing. I hate it. I think it's seriously, and I'm going to butcher it as well, Pret-a-Manger. Yeah, no, I think you just killed it. Killed it. But I think we should say Pret, like, for our reputation. Okay, well, I went in, and they said they had an iced coffee on the menu, and I'm, like, dripping sweat. I'm, like, thank God. I'm, like, can I have an iced coffee? And they're, like, we don't have ice.

Right. And then you'd say, like, iced Americano, and then they know you're American, and then they kick you out of the restaurant. They were like, no, we don't have ice in the restaurant. I was like, who doesn't have ice? How are you surviving? Absurd. Why don't they do that in Europe? It's just, you know, one of those cultural tings. It's bad. It's bad. It's miserable, I would argue. Of course. My long-distance boyfriend who works in investment banking, love, is so bad. Six-five, fine ass.

Is so bad at communicating and he always just blames it on work. Well, he's... Must be nice to have a job. Yeah. Be grateful. I'm so toxic. I'm like, well, at least your boyfriend has a job. Exactly. She's trying to complain. This part is a little crazy. She says, we will go days without talking on the phone or FaceTiming. I've talked to him about it and there's just no change. Oh, he has a second family, sweetie. Yeah. Like,

You are seriously a mistress. He has a full-blown family with two children, going days without talking to a partner. And it's so funny because when you're in a relationship, and it's just like you two, sometimes something will happen and you can't see out of it. It takes a third party like us to tell you how fucking crazy it is to not talk to your boyfriend for a few days. That's crazy. Especially long distance where communication has to be paramount. You all have to be working all hours of the day to prioritize communication. So not only is he not doing that, but he's literally not even talking to you.

He has a second family. He does. And I prescribe The Other Woman, which I prescribed before, but like that's just that. I am so glad you brought that up. Yep. The Other Woman is a movie Jackie and I talk about on our podcast at least once a week. Yeah. It has such an important place in culture. It does. Obviously, it's an amazing movie. Right. But let me tell you why the movie is even better than other good movies. The casting. Oh, Nicki Minaj. Cameron Diaz doesn't leave her house anymore. And so she obviously is retired from work except when she wants to come out and promote her wine. Yeah.

And she took a break from being on break and did this movie. It's like the only piece of work she's done in the last 10 years.

It is so incredible. It really is amazing. It is so good. Kate Upton's first real major movie. Leslie Mann makes every movie better. Every one. And then, of course, my personal favorite part of the movie. Oh, well, then, of course, Jamie from Game of Thrones and Nicki Minaj. It's perfectly cast. It's... And people forget that Nicki went to LaGuardia High School. So she can act. She was very good. She was very good. The soundtrack is amazing. Amazing. But specifically, the moment where they're in the Bahamas, and it's all gone really well, but...

Leslie Mann has taken this moment to just being like, yeah, we're having so much fun, but this is my marriage, and she throws her ring in the ocean. It's like this sort of climax. I remember that. And they play my favorite Christian song. Which is? It's The Sun is Rising by Brit Nicole. I love Christian music, even though I'm like a big Jew. They play Christian music in this? But it's like, is it a Christian song? I don't know. Wait, I remember this song. The sun.

The sun is rising. The sun is rising. Oh. And they only play the bridge. Yeah, yeah. Just look beyond the clouds. It's my favorite song. It's the most random song. Nobody knows it. The fact that they put it in this blockbuster when the song came on, I swear to God, I was like one of those girls in The Fault of Our Stars, like violently sobbing. I just loved it. It's a perfect film. That's a perfect prescription. A plus. Thank you. What's your favorite music moment in any movie ever?

Oh my God. I mean, where do I begin? I... Because I'll tell you mine, but it's in TV. By the way, you do this thing that I do and it's so funny. Like you'll ask someone a question because you have the perfect answer. You go first while I ruminate. Okay. When they did a drop in the ocean in the Vampire Diaries. Okay. I never watched the Vampire Diaries. Oh yeah. But a drop in the ocean. Okay, let me tell you something. Maybe once a year I'll talk about a drop in the ocean on my podcast and 10 out of 10 times Ron Pope is going to clip it and put it on his Instagram. Oh my God.

It happens to us all the time. Like, we'll talk about someone so random. And, like, I always forget, like, a lot of people listen to the show, like, they're going to find it. Like, I did this whole thing on Phillip Phillips. Do you remember Phillip Phillips? He won American Idol. Yes. And he had that huge song, Home. Hold on.

to me as we go. Whatever. It was a classic like granola song. Was that the one that they would play every single time? No, that was Daughtry. I'm going home. Also, very good. But whatever. He had this like major song and then he kind of like faded. And so we did this whole thing on the podcast being like, what in the world happened to Philip Phillips? Not only did he clip it, he put it on his Instagram and he was like, I'm still here. Come see me on tour. Horrifying. I need to like remember that people listen to what I say. I know. And that's why I like

I'm just going to shut up from now on, like for real. No, you can never. Never. Okay, but what's your favorite musical? Oh, okay. I mean, I think the movie Hairspray in its entirety is perfection. That's a musical, so I don't know if that really answers your question, but specifically Without Love, which was an original, which was a new original song. Like Hairspray is this famous musical. It's been on Broadway. It was done 50 years ago. It's perfect and all the songs are the same, but they wrote a new song. And when they do that, I'm like, please, Hairspray is perfect. Don't touch a hair on its head. But they did and they wrote,

No pun intended. They wrote Without Love, which turned out to be one of my favorite songs. Also honorable mention to the moment in that movie where Zac Efron is at the dance and he sings, it's ladies choice, choice, choice on the ladies. Like seriously, a perfect film. I've never seen it. You're lying. No, I'm dead serious. Get out. I know. What's the one song they sing?

Good Morning Baltimore. Good Morning Baltimore. And then there's like... You can't stop the beat of the ocean or the sun in the sky. You can wonder if you wanna battle. Fun fact, I mean, it's like I know all the lyrics. Okay. To all the songs. Are you a musical theater girl? Okay. So I wrote about this in my book. So when I was writing my book, I didn't realize like...

You do a lot of self, you should write a book, by the way. We were just talking about this. You do a lot of self-reflection. And so much of my personality is singing. I love to sing. I love music. And people always ask, like, did you do show tunes? Did you do theater growing up? And I didn't. And it never really made sense. And when I was writing my book, I'm like, why did I never do a choir or anything? Yeah, why didn't you? And I realized, like, I was very much brought up in the age and very much, like, raised by movies like Mean Girls.

where there's like a hierarchy. Now the school I went to was absolutely nothing like Mean Girls. I went to like a yeshiva, but nonetheless, I was inspired. And you know, those sort of like late 90s, early 2000s high school set movies, Mean, really shaped how I saw the world. Glee.

Glee. Glee. Like what? Glee isn't like inspiring me to sing. And so those movies shaped how I saw the world. And I was so obsessed, still am, but in high school, like so obsessed with being well-liked. Yes. And joining any sort of club like choir or theater would knock me down a couple pegs based on how I saw the world. Me too. And so that's why I didn't do, and I do often like regret not spending my time, you know, doing the things I loved, which I love to sing. Yeah, and you're good at it. Thank you. And I,

It's upset. Like I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at myself too. That was like my COVID realization. I was like, why did I stop acting? Right. I was like, oh my God, because I wanted to be cool.

And theater kids weren't cool. But then, that's so funny because all celebrities, traditional celebrities, people who act, people who sing, nine times out of ten, they are theater kids because you have a passion, you start young. Ryan Gosling was in that Mickey Mouse Club. If Ryan Gosling was in my high school, I would have been like, okay, loser. But so all celebrities innately are a little nerdy because they all were in theater. Mostly. Mostly. Not like in the digital age. I would say the one that isn't, Leo.

DiCaprio? Yeah. You don't think he ever joined like drama club or did community theater? I think he was the cool one that did it though. That's cool. Do you follow that guy? I don't follow him, but his videos always come up on my TikTok. Like he does the character of like the really toxic senior in theater. I know him. Oh my God. It's so funny. When I see it, like I actually get mad. I'm like, oh my God, you're a dick. And I don't relate to it because I wasn't in theater, but I can imagine those kids. Oh my God. I'm obsessed with those videos. No, he is...

Tyler Joseph Ellis. I don't follow him, but he's so funny. I should actually just follow him. That's the thing with TikTok is like you can keep up with people and you don't. Actually, the people I follow, like I never even see your content. Like they don't even serve me the people I follow.

I don't know if I follow anyone. I follow you. You better. Everyone should. I follow you. I follow the toast. Of course, of course, of course. Jackie doesn't have a TikTok, does she? No. Why not? She is a big champion of reels. She says reels people are real people. Wow. And she wants to be treated as such. So I'm sure this episode will make it to her in six months. I'm trying to post more on reels. Well, the thing is. It's just like a little awkward because it looks awkward.

Like, try hard, I feel like. You think? It's just like on... I don't think so. Okay. I don't. And I think, like, for the sake of your career, like, get on reels. Okay. I made, like, they wanted us all to get on reels, and I gave in, like, a year ago. Right. And let me tell you, my life has improved, so... Okay. Do it. I'm gonna do it. Let's talk about that today. Yeah, we'll strategize afterwards. We'll strategize. I'm so excited for my internship this summer, but it's remote, so I fear...

I fear. That I will be isolated. I'm scared this is how it will feel when I graduate. Well, that's valid. You will make friends remotely. That's just not how making friends works. But at the same time, take this as a blessing. Okay, so you work from home during the day. You can shimmy and shake.

earlier on into the night with your actual friends. Also true. Like there are so many benefits working remotely. Also so many benefits from being in an office. Sounds like this girl has like a good, you know, entrepreneurial spirit. She wants to get out there. Make co-worker friends. And we love, we love. My sister Margo, who works a traditional nine to five job in addition to being a content creator, her work friends are like...

like she has an amazing social life. Like she's always going out for drinks and she just had a birthday party and was like so many of her work friends. It's really nice. It can add a lot of value and I think a lot of, you can feel fulfilled, you know, by having like, so I feel for you and you know, do the internship. It's your last summer before you graduate. So like party it up, like, you know, but now you know, like perhaps when it comes time to enter the workforce for real. You don't want remote. And you know what? There are more jobs. They're trying to get everybody back in the office. So you might have a better time finding a job than some of these other people who just want to be remote. Right, but like enjoy your summer. Of course. No, it's in the words of High School Musical 2, summer.

Enjoy. No, but seriously, like I would be so blessed if I had a fucking remote internship in college. That was a person. I'm lit. It's lit. I like this guy, but my best friend has mega beef with him. Do I tell her I like him or keep it a secret? Oh my God. And she gave us her number. Should we FaceTime her? I think we should call her and it's a New York number. Okay. Well, what I want to tell her is like, she needs to grow up. Her friend needs to grow up. Wait, wait, what was the tea again? Here, I'll give you it to read. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Laminated. The friend needs to like grow the fuck up. I kind of agree. Okay.

She will die. Should we leave her a voicemail? Yeah. Oh my God. That must have been... What are you setting an alarm for? Your birth control? To breathe. Oh. To breathe. Seriously, what is she doing? Why isn't she answering? She's not available. Fuck it. Pussy PSA! Pussy PSA! Oh shit! You're a dick! You're a dick! Hi, it's Jake and Claudia. Claudia Oshry. Um...

We got your tell me what's wrong. Sorry, I just scared her. So she's recovering. We got your tell me what's wrong about this guy that you want to hook up with, but your friend has beef with him. So, okay. Your friend needs to grow the fuck up. Like for real. It's hard to catch a man. And like, you can't be like cutting people out because, oh, my friend doesn't like him. Tell your friend to grow the fuck up, bitch. And honestly, that's our advice for you. Jake. No. I'm sorry. I loved it. We love you.

I need to know when you get close to me that it's coming. I know. That was it, though. I promise you that was it. I'm sweating. I don't believe it does. You know when we said that moment you realize your friend's a liar? You. Me. Well, Claudia, what did we learn today? That I hate you? What did we learn today? We learned...

That you're not going to let the outside noise get to you. Claudia, that was what I was going to be to say. You are looking up and looking out. Look at you. You're successful. Thank you. Like this is a nice studio. Okay. This was expensive. I know how much these things cost. So fuck it. We're not giving the haters any of our time. We're listening to the toast daily, of course. And we're just going to pop our pussies like all summer long. Done.

And you know what? That's a mic drop. Should we drop our mics? Will they break? These are expensive. Yeah. We'll drop it on the couch. Okay, wait. Say bye to the pussies. I one time did an event. I forget where it was. And I said something really funny. And I was being paid to host some corporate thing. And I said something really funny. And then I did a full-blown mic drop. Oh, they're calling back. The voicemail she got. Hello? Hi, it's Jake, Shane, and Claudia Oshry. Well, I hope you're not with your friend that you wrote your Tell Me What's Wrong about. Honestly, it'd be helpful if you were. Okay.

Okay, well, Claudia has some choice words for you.

You sound like a nice girl, but seriously, who fucking cares about your friend? No offense. It's like hard to catch a man, especially in these dark, dark, dark times. And obviously you're a queen because you listen to this podcast. So you're obviously like a woman of taste and you sort of giving so much energy to like your friend having beef. Your friend needs to grow up seriously and not some people come into your life for a season or a reason. And maybe like your time with this girl is up. Honestly, you need to move forward. Like you're putting your big girl pants on and it isn't sorry. Like your friends just got to suck it up.

Okay, she agrees. Okay, well, we love you guys. Yeah, do you want to say hi to the pussies? Hi, pussies. We're in school. You're in school? How old are they? How old are you? So that's that. Okay, well, enjoy high school. I love you guys.

High school. Okay, when I said her friend needed to grow up, I didn't mean like actually. Turns out she does. Whoa. Whoa, we are so influential. We are very influential. For the young generation. Thank God they have us. Say goodbye to the pussies. Oh, I've loved every minute of being here. Thank you for having me. Pussy PSA. Pussy. Ta-da. Fuck. Not me. What's so embarrassing? What's more embarrassing than that? Nothing. Mic drop. Thanks.

Hi, pussies. Put your tents up. Put your tents up. Tents up. Smart cookies.