Hi pussies and welcome back to Therapus. Today we have a very exciting and a very, very full circle moment episode for me. The week that I, like everything kind of happened for me on TikTok for the first time, the Jonas Brothers were like the first, first people to like really like
engage with it and kind of create a narrative around it and do like this skit with me. And I flew out to New York and I hung out with them and we did a skit together and it was so fucking awesome and it was so fun and they were so kind and so welcoming. And I remember being like, okay, this isn't as scary as I thought anymore because they were so nice. And today I get to have Joe Jonas back on Therapist and I was like,
I'm so grateful. I've been bugging him for months and it's finally happening. He has new music coming out and it's his first solo project in years. And his new, his first single is coming out on, wow. We revealed that during the podcast. Anywho, pussies. Enjoy the episode with Joe Jonas. I had so much fun recording it. I love him so much. He is so wonderful, so stylish, and he has great feet. What?
During the episode, you will get an exclusive sneak peek at Joe's new music, his new single coming out on...
Hi, Joe. Hi. Long time no see. I know. We're just trying to figure out when we last met.
Greg might know. When is the last time I saw Joe? It wasn't Jimmy Fallon. It was after that. A show maybe? No. No. You never came to our shows. Okay. Too busy. Whoa. Podcast takes off. He forgets the little guys. Where it all started. I'm really sorry. Okay. Diet Coke. It felt like yesterday. Chopped liver. Thrown out with the scraps here. You know what that was just given? What?
Have you seen the Ellen DeGeneres episode where Dakota Johnson goes, well, that's not the truth, Ellen. Oh, and she calls her out about the birthday party. That's what that was. I felt that. I channeled Dakota. Well, you know what? It's not like your tour is over. In the States, it is for now. Well, planes exist. Well, do you want to go to our next shows in Calgary? I'll tell you right now. I'll say it on air right now. I'll pick a good one for you. Okay.
I've never been to Mexico. Really? Never. I'll come. Where's Mexico? Well, I know where Mexico is, but where in Mexico? I think we're playing in Mexico City. Mexico City is awesome. Yes. You love. I love. You've never been there? No, I've never been, but I've heard it's a vibe. It's so much fun. Yeah. It's a good place. Good food. Okay. Good coffee. Do you drink coffee? Yeah, but I'm not like a coffee aficionado. I love that you just looked at my coffee because you saw the order was like bougie. Well, what is that?
This is a Cortado, and it's from a place that I guess probably Greg found, who's on our team. Are you a coffee person, Greg? We're coffee snobs. Oh, really? What's your favorite coffee in the entire world? Okay. A flat white from...
A place in Miami called Sweet Habana Coffee. Okay. Oh, it's Cuban coffee, huh? They're Cuban. They're from Cuba, but the coffee is based in Miami. Got it. Got it. Coffee shop is. Got it. Got it. So if you're in Miami, you got to go. Okay. You know what you're really good at that I've been meaning to ask you about? Yeah. And I'm so excited. Oh my... I have so many questions for you too. Okay. Okay. I'll ask you a question, then you ask me a question. Okay. Perfect. Okay. So my first question is your photo dumps on TikTok. Okay.
You're really good at them. Is that a question? No, I'm just like, when did this happen? Like, they're good. Well, you know, you got to keep up with the kids.
But like you're better at it than like I would do. Like I think you could do a great photo dump. Okay. Should I? We'll go through your camera roll afterwards. Okay. And you can show me what you're comfortable posting. A lot of it is like screenshots. That's even better. But that's the kind of stuff that goes. Yeah. Personal, personal touches. Yeah. But I always have like a photo album of just text from Nick. Uh huh. Cause he texts me like the funniest stuff. The last one I think was Aperol Spritz, please. That was funny. It was like a coffee and Aperol Spritz, please. Or, um,
I think the last one was like brand new pair of Nikes. Oh, so he just takes like a 50 year old dad. Yes. Or like a grandpa. Honestly. Yeah. You know what? I just saw recently talking about Nick Jonas. So he has this video that our youngest brother, Franklin just put me, uh, put it brought to my attention. Okay. Put it to my attention, brought to my attention that has like over 60 million views. And it's like a video of him, uh,
taking a picture. I think he hit that button where it's like, you know, it's like, Oh, would you like to share this to reels? Because this is doing so well on your story. Got it. And it's a photo, a like photo of himself in the mirror and he's holding his phone kind of like, and it's probably two seconds long and it's 60 million. Can you pull up his Instagram right now? I kind of want to see this now. It's unbelievable.
A lot of people are dogging on him for being like millennial, but it's... Well, the texts don't do him any justice to not be a millennial. But it's fascinating. It's like a study that this... But I can't figure out if it's because people find the humor in it or it's because it's so short you keep watching it over and over again. Right. So you're really, really good... Hold on. I'm finding this. You'll see it right away. 60. There's like 60 plus. 60 plus. Oh, wow. 68. And there's a background noise. It honestly...
It feels like he was... Is this an accident? I don't know. I haven't talked to him about it. I was just on the phone with him. You never spoke to him about it. I was just on the phone with him. Well, I... Let's read... So I think...
I want to recreate that. Someone commented, someone please do a scientific study on millennials. They're really good comments. Yeah. But maybe he's just smarter than us because that was, maybe he's the genius behind it. I mean, I think so. I think the less you, well, okay, but your photo dumps are good because they look like you're not trying, but I know you're putting them together. I have someone. You have someone do it? Someone help me.
Someone do it or help you. It takes a team. Okay. A team of six people look at every photo. Okay. And see what it says to your emotions. Okay. I'm excited for your July. And there's like a million Easter eggs in them. Are you serious? No, I'm not. Okay. But the photos that I choose...
Just, you know, a little personal life. Why not? That's what TikTok should be. What do you got in that cup? An energy drink. Really? What's your prime? It's Celsius in my cup. Oh, nice. And it's so good. What's your Celsius flavor? McSperry. McSperry. It's amazing. What's the one that's like the tropical? They've got like a candy. Peach Vibe. Peach Vibe. Peach Vibe. They gave, what's his name? Like $50 million. Who? But it was like in court.
Yeah, Flowrider. He was like an owner early on and they didn't give him money. I knew this. And then he was like, wait a minute, where's my big check? And so he brought him to court and he made like, I think it's like $50 million. Want to hear another crazy soda fiasco? Yes, I love soda fiascos. Okay, so what did Starry used to be? Does anyone know? Sprite? Sierra Mist. Sierra Mist.
What is it called? Sierra Mist. Used to be what? No, Starry. What's Starry? So Sierra Mist was a soda. And some girl, I guess, had the Instagram username for them and they kept trying to buy it back. And she kept saying no. Wow. And then the day the trademark went, like, was able to, like, went expired, she bought the trademark for Sierra Mist. So then they had to rebrand the entire soda and they named it Starry. I know. Wow.
And they offered her a lot of money and now she's left with nothing. Oh, that's sad. I thought she was like made a bunch of money. Yeah. It's kind of like investing, investing, investing, investing, and then like it bursting before you can sell. Yeah. You should have just taken the cash. Okay. What was your question for me? Because I can't stop thinking about it. Okay. What's your in and out order? Oh, okay. When I'm... Okay.
Well, you were to say when you're, uh, let's, okay. When I'm, when you're like, let's say I'm like a big night. No. Okay. Big night. I'll tell you both hung over and then big night. There's a difference. Like if you're going out and you're like, all right, we just went partying. I need to soak this up. And then I feel like shit the next day. What do you have? Okay. So I'm going to, well, like my most common order. Am I allowed to curse? Yes, of course. Yeah. Okay. I'll usually get a protein style burger. Okay.
This guy goes to aloe. Yeah. Protein style burger, animal style with fries and a diet Coke. If I'm actually eating what I want to eat. Right. If you're listening to what your heart is telling you. Yes. If I'm intuitive eating, then I'll have an animal style burger, animal style fries and a black and white milkshake. Wow. I haven't done the milkshake in a while. Yeah. Do you dip the fries in? Sometimes. With animal on it? Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes.
Have you seen the video of the girl that's dipping her hot dog in a soda at a baseball game? That's disgusting. That's a good video. Who did that? I don't know her name. Have you seen the Huk Tua girl? She owns Sierra Mist. What? Have you seen the Huk Tua girl? She's everywhere. Everywhere. Has she been on this podcast? No, no, she hasn't, but she just made her podcast debut. And you know what? I haven't seen virality like that in maybe 20 years. She knows she's moving to LA. She got fired from her job. She gained 5 million followers in a day. And she's out there being like,
I'm going to tell the truth about these rumors. Yeah. Like what? Well, what rumors are there? I'm not in that deep. That she got fired from her job. Is that true? No. That's all I know. I didn't click on it, but I saw the headline. Wait. Okay, Joe. I've been meaning to ask you. Go off. What are you therapists about today? I love it. Sierra Mist, changing their name. Me too. But, you know, it actually happened yesterday. Uh-huh. I'm a therapist at People. Mm-hmm. The minute you hear that...
on an airplane and they like push their way to the front of the plane. I do that. You do that? Yes. I want to get off. Yeah, but we're going to, I'm going to meet you a baggage claim. Like, yes. One time I was on the phone and I was a minute late to baggage claim. One minute late and a kid stole my suitcase.
That is not true. Yeah, absolutely. It is true. Louise was there. Stole your suitcase? Stole. And I tried. A kid. Sat on the floor. I started crying. I didn't have air tags at the time. I still don't. Still don't. Well, I know what to get you. What? Well, air tags. But I didn't get you. Actually, I brought you something. You brought me something? I did, but it's not air tags. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm so excited. Do you actually bring me something? Next time. Yeah, I did. Every time I get a package, I get scared that it's going to be like anthrax. Do you ever have that irrational fear? I've had some interesting stuff sent to me through the mail.
Not anthrax though. Not anthrax. Does anyone else have that fear? You've never had that fear. Someone said to me the other day, do you ever get scared you're going to like open a package and it's going to be a bomb? I was like, now? Don't take packages from those people. Oh my God. You've always wanted one of these. Oh, is it? It's, oh shit. Oh, Cassandra, don't freak out. I brought her, brought her a date. She has a baby brother. I just gave birth.
What should we Okay so this is a boy This is Cassandra This is a boy I want to go basic Patrick Patrick You hate it Patty Puss We can go with Patty
You really wanted Patrick, huh? I really wanted Patrick. Yeah, but that's Passandra. That's a cute couple. They're like balancing each other out. Patrick. Let it breathe. I'll let it marinate. Wait, Joe, thank you. Passandra and Patrick. And Patrick. That's a sitcom. Passandra and Patrick. They're a cute couple. Well, they're brother and sister. Oh, well. Unless you want them to be a couple because we can also do that. I thought couple. Okay.
Okay. Maybe they're like, how about they're like distant cousins? That want to hook up? They have hooked up. Okay. No one's told their parents. Okay. It's a little secret. So they're cousins. Patrick and Cassandra. She saw it. Oh, that's a queripus. You know who actually named him was Alexander. Really? Yeah. That's a queripus because he's an Aquarius. What's your star sign? What do you think? Pisces. Leo. Leo.
I see that. We're getting close. Not, you were a Leo? You are a Leo. I was. I changed my birthday. When's your birthday? August what? 15th. Wow. When's your birthday? Well, do you want to guess what I am? Yeah. Guess. Gemini. Okay. Well, yes. Am I right? I'm a Scorpio sun, Gemini rising, Gemini moon. See, I was going to guess that. Yeah. And that, do you know you're rising in your moon? No, but you know what I just learned recently? Have you looked into animal...
Was it animal star signs? Hold on. Oh, can I have my phone? There's a really interesting thing about like you connect the Chinese animal with your birth chart.
Oh, I'm you're the rabbit. Yeah, exactly. I'm, I'm a, can you guess what animal I am? So the only other one I know is dragon and boar. Your primal astrology. Oh, okay. So I'm a fox. No, I got it. I got it. So I can do yours. I always wanted to be a fox. I'm so jealous. I was so jealous of everyone that was a fox. I feel pretty good that I'm a fox. You should. What year were you born? October 1999. Okay.
99. You're a baby. I know. October. What year were you born? 89. 34. Yes. Or you're about to turn 34. I am 34 now. Okay. I'll be 35 on August 15th. Well, you know your 30s are the new 20s. That's what everyone's saying. It definitely is. Yeah. October. Sorry. October. I'm rabbit, right? This is really cute. October what was it? 27th. You are, my friend, a koala. What? Should we read about it? Emotional. Tell me if you're right. Okay. This is right.
Emotional, powerful, and intense. Yeah. Those born under the primal zodiac sign of the koala are often not what you expect. It's not that they are putting up a false front. It's that they are trying to keep their tornado of emotions safely inside themselves. Koalas are almost always approachable. Oh, they always approach life. Sorry. I was homeschooled. Koalas always approach life with good intentions, but with so much inner emotional turmoil. Yeah.
Plans can miscarry and life can often seem frustrating. This is a sign that wants what they want when they want it. But they are also trying to refrain from using their power in the wrong ways. So I'm a good person. I don't know what that said. Okay. That said, I'm a good person. I think it said you mean well. Okay. And you have a big heart, but you're emotional. Louise, big heart. Do you agree with this? And I mean well. And I mean well.
You could read that there's more. There's a lot. We don't need to read the rest, honestly, because if it gets bad, I don't even want to know. Well, that's what I always think. I'm like, I'm picking shoes when I want. I really do want to know what your rising and your moon is. Wait, okay, so you're a therapist about me. I'm a therapist about you and others who just want to rush to the front of the plane right when they ding the bell like it's a race. Yeah. And I'll meet you at baggage claim. Right. And why are you in such a rush? I just like to be...
In order, yesterday there was this little old lady and this, and we were, the plane was like parked, it's parked, not parked itself, but it went to a stop and this guy like hopped up. Me. Or this lady hopped up and the flight attendant was like, man, please sit down. We didn't, we did hear the little bell. And she was like, okay. And then the minute the bell went off, the guy next to her was like, get up, get up. And she was like, I got in trouble just like five minutes ago. Like chill. And then she like, she like let him pass.
And even if you're on a connecting flight, it's like... I don't think I would do that. You'd push your way through an old lady? I don't think I would. I think I would ask. I'd be like, girl, move. Girl, move. We need to go. We gotta go. Also, if you're flying and you're about to land and the window's up... Oh, I'd never put mine up. But if they insist, what the fuck is going to happen if my window's up versus down? Yeah, I get very frustrated. That's going to be...
That's going to take down the plane that my window was down. Uh huh. I, yeah, I also, I totally get that. My so annoying going off of what's annoying about airplanes. Cause I was actually just thinking about this. I hate when they like the flight attendants come up and like, maybe this just happened on my French flight. I was just on a French flight. That's oh, I beef with them. Hardcore. Like I actually fought with my flight attendant. We did not get along.
Because he would be like, okay, buckle, and I'd be sleeping. Like, I wouldn't be buckled. Oh, no, the reach over is, like, not necessary. And wake me up and buckle my seatbelt for me. Yeah, like you're a toddler. It was very frustrating. Not good. I hated it. So we agree on planes. I also hate children on planes. Okay. Like, I don't discriminate against age. When I'm on a plane, like, you're my enemy. Like, I was like...
there was this fucking kid on this plane yesterday like sobbing sobbing crying where were you flying from la to new york and it was like an 8 a.m flight to new york to la no new york to la sorry and i it was i was just a lot of tears i was really hung over there was crying kids it was 8 a.m on a monday and i was like like if i could silence you
You didn't bring silence headphones or earplugs? So I did. They died. My big ones. My big chunky ones. So that can happen. Yeah. And so I took four melatonin. Okay. Did they have like CBD in them or something? No. I also ran out of edibles.
Okay. Which sucked. So you're getting on a tough flight. It was like I raw dogged that flight. And you're hungover. What? And you're hungover. I was hungover. I was tired. Raw dogging the flight's a big thing right now. I don't think they're talking about it. Oh my God. You're so in the trends on TikTok. How do you know that? Come on. Oh my God. What are we doing here? You're like really good at TikTok. It's alarming.
That's a lot of hours to myself scrolling. You're really good at it, yeah. I don't know if it's alarming or concerning. I've never really raw dogged a flight, but I put on True Crime. I don't think people are raw dogging flights. I think that's just them. Oh, you think it's like a fake bet? Yeah, and then I'm sure some people are like, this is sick, I'm going to do it. And the joke's on them because they're actually sitting there and they're like,
I'm doing it. I know Diplo's not doing it. I saw Diplo do it! Were you next to him? No. He just did it for the post. I agree. We know what's going on here, Diplo. I know. I knew it was a lie, too. Did you ever fly on planes when you were a kid? A few times, yeah. And you didn't cry once or anything?
Exactly. No, I think I was a pretty happy-go-lucky child. Like, I remember, like, I actually have this really distinct memory of me jumping back and forth from my parents' seat, like, smiling. That's cute. So when kids cry on planes, I don't get it. That's probably your memory, but somebody next to you, somebody was like, if I could silence this child. No. Really?
I feel like that was an exception. I feel like the best thing you can do, I think like, not that I've done it, is like giving like little, I saw this thing. I haven't done this, which is funny because I'm a father, but little baggies and say like, sorry, this is going to suck for you, but here's like some candy. Wow. Or earplugs and candy.
But I'm not going to do that. I like fight with them. I like notoriously fight with children. It's weird. Like, I was at a restaurant the other day and this kid cut me in line. Cut me in line to go to the bathroom. And I said, excuse me. He was like, seven. Excuse me. You cut me. And he said, what? No, I didn't. I said, yes, you did. You cut me. And then I went to the bathroom. I actually kind of got in a fight with a kid recently. So I can relate. So you're not alone here. Thank you. I was in...
I was on vacation. I think it was Montenegro. Where is that? I know a lot about Montenegro now. So it's like East Europe, and it used to be Serbia. It used to be a part of Serbia. Wow. It's its own country. They have their own language, Montenegrin. Is there a beach? Yeah. There's a bunch of beaches. They shot Casino Royale. Oh!
James Bond. Oh, gorge. So it's like there's a beautiful scene of him on a boat. Am I right, Greg? He's sailing on a boat and then like he's... No? That sounds right though. The audience would... Daniel Craig? Of course, number one. I love him. He's my celebrity crush. Is he really? One of them, yes. Okay, my celebrity crush is...
Ashton Kutcher. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, it's the one I always say. That's cute. Yeah. He's a handsome guy. He is a handsome guy. And loaded. So rich. Did he invest in like Uber when it first started? Something. So rich. I already invested in Tiramis. Yeah. I'm going to cuddle with this one. What was his name again? Aquaropus. Where was I? This is just Patrick, I guess. Oh, getting in a fight with a kid. There was a kid going around pretending to spit on people. Who was pretending to spit on people? This kid. This kid.
He was walking around being like, but he was pretending to spit on people. And I said something. No, I pretend to spit, spit on him back. Oh, but that's like friendly. And oh, I, and he was like, I was like, yeah, I would have said, fuck you.
There's people walking out of a little gelato spot and they're almost dropping their gelato. In Montenegro. Yeah, because he was going... Was he a local or was he a tourist as well? I don't know. I didn't ask. Okay. You didn't get to know him. I didn't get to know him, but I pretended to spit on him. Okay. Well, spit on him back because he spit on me first. Right. So it was more so retaliation. Yeah. I don't know. I can't... If a kid tries to pretend to spit on you, what are you going to do? Fight them. Yeah.
You're going to pretend to spit on them back. Yeah. You handled that, I think, with grace. Maybe not. My friend's like, did you just spit on the kid? I was like, no, I pretended to spit on the kid. He's like, how old are your kids? Almost four and two. Cute. They're adorbs. So cute. Thanks. So cute. How old are your kids? Passandra is... Who gave you Passandra? I think I bought her. Oh, wow. I think I bought her. You have a good eye. I know. I know. When did I get Passandra? Has Passandra been around since you've been around? Yes.
Okay, so Passandra's three years old. And Patrick is, I guess, I'm going to say he's one month. He's about a month. So Passandra is Patrick's. I cannot get over that his name is Patrick, but I, like, seriously. Now from now on. But you did name him. You always think of me. Patrick. Can we give him, like, a last name or something? No. Okay. He's like Beyonce. Patrick. I mean, I get why you're calling him Patrick. Because SpongeBob, right? No. No.
Why are you calling him Patrick? I don't know. It just came up to me. You just came up. I mean, at least it starts with a P. But maybe subconsciously because he's... He looks like Patrick Star. He's peach color, yeah. Yeah. Well, I never told you what I was therapist about, but I'm going to use this time to tell you. Please. Okay, I'm therapist about a few things. Number one, I'm therapist about the fact that I shaved my stubble today. I'm a little upset about it too. I'm really upset. I was going to make it a whole thing.
And when you showed me that photo, I was like... I know. I know. It looks good on you. I know. So I'm therapist about that. I'm therapist about the fact... Okay. I'm no longer angry about this since the package was delivered. But before you got here, I was like really tracking my new mattress. And it just got here. Thank God. What kind of mattress? Okay. So I'm so excited to talk about it. Thank you for asking. It's called an 8 Sleep. Have you heard of this? No. Okay. So not sponsored, but...
Soon to be. It could be. Well, they actually sent it to me because I spoke about it on an episode. So that means they're going to send you another mattress? Or send me one. Yeah, maybe send Joe one. They should totally send you one. They will. How therapist would you be if they cut me a deal?
I'm watching like a few episodes down the line. You're like, I'm therapist with Joe Jonas because he got, yeah. Cause I put you on to eight. You see me like, it's like hash. You see one of those ads pop up on your Instagram. Yeah. Joe Jonas on a bed. Half of it gets cold and half of it gets hot. It can wake you up with heat or wake you up cold. It can wake you up with vibrations. It tracks your sleep. So this is what sold me. Right. Someone described it as the cold side of the pillow all the time, all over.
That's incredible. I'm really pumped. Who the hell is sleeping in a warm bed? Me sometimes. I really can't. What? Do you sleep cold? Always. What's your temperature you sleep at? I mean, 67. Whoa, that's hot. That's about 18 Celsius. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. For the international listeners. I sleep at 62, which is 16 Celsius. That's insane. I sleep at 62 every night. I have a fan on me, and I also have a bed jet.
Okay. That, that, well, it's, it, you're supposed to sleep cold. You are? Yeah. It's good for your body. Right. Someone told me it makes you skinny once. Are you okay? Are you choking? No, I like had to like. Does beds get you emotional? Like I thought like, I ended up going to weightless. So I'm like. You got to put a sleep eight over here.
Sleep eight seat. Eight sleep. You know what you could do? And if like just to mess with people, you can just start like turning up the heat a little bit. I like to do that in the car. No, but that would be bad for me. I love doing that in the car with my friends. Like if they have a seat heater, just like click it on. What? It's evil, but it's so fun. Next time you're like in a fancy Uber, just hit that seat heater button. You do that to your friends?
If my friend did that to me, I would knife them. I would actually knife them. You don't understand. I hate heat. Like, okay. Like, we don't need to get into it. Like, I... So you would never live... Well, then you live in California. In AC. I'm really susceptible to heat. It's like actually... So Europe... Have you been to Europe? Yes. Oh, you just were in Europe. You're in Italy, right? How hot was I all the fucking time? Because you know what? Guess what they don't have there? AC. Or ice. Nice.
It's quite funny when you're like, hey, can I have ice in my drink? They're like, hmm. No, they say no. It's fucked up. Where were you? Just in Italy? I was in France. Oh, well. Yeah. Okay. And they don't have ice there. Not possible. No, no. Yeah. And you know what I realized about the French is that we don't get along.
Me and them. I'm French. Are you really? I just did my, I did my, I did my Alexander 23 and me and I found some, you like that one? Yeah. I, I, uh, learned some things. Okay. My dad didn't know his father. So I was always curious what I was and German, French, Irish, and Italian. Damn. Yeah. So I'm a little French. So you're saying you don't get along with me. No, I do get along with you. Sir. You're just saying some, some people. Are you Italian? Mostly Italian. Yeah.
No. Oh, what are you? Which I thought I was. I thought you were too. For the longest time I was, you know. What are you then? Yeah, mostly German and French. I see the German. You're just saying that. No, I don't. What about you? I mean, I'm not. I do. I'm not just saying that. I'm like 98% Russian. Can you speak Russian? No. Yet? Yeah. Well, my last name is actually Roscoe.
That's cool. Yeah, so that's... So where did Shane come from? It's my middle name. Jake Shane Roscoe. Mm-hmm. Cool. Joe, tell me about your new album. I see you've been working with Alexander 23 a lot. Your boo? Tell me everything.
How did you meet Alexander? I think through Renee. Oh, that would make sense. Yeah. Through Renee. Yeah. Alexander and I worked on a song for a brother's album. And it was just me, Alexander, Justin Traynor. I love Justin Traynor. You should have him on the show. I know. He's amazing. Am I missing anyone? Bo Knox as well. And then I was like listening to it. And I was like, damn, I really like this song.
And I was starting to feel like, I don't know why, but I want this song for myself, not just the brothers. And I also feel like it's not DNC, which is another band I'm in. I was like, I don't know what it's for, but I know I want to work on something. I feel like the pull emotionally to work on music.
And so I asked my brother's blessings and I was like, Hey, I'm going to, I want to go work on a kind of a, I guess, I don't know what I want to, don't want to call it solo, but I want to go do something on my own. And I don't feel like it's DNC and I need to go just express some stuff for myself. Right. And they're like, go for it. Nick booked a movie. Kevin was going to do another season of claim to fame. I don't know if you've seen that show, but it's so good. And so I had the window of time and I locked myself away with Alexander and
Justin Tranner, Jason Evigan, this guy Tommy English who worked on a bunch of Kacey Musgraves stuff. I love Kacey Musgraves. She's great. She's great. And a bunch of incredible singer-songwriters. Josette from Moona, who's like, I love Moona. And just like worked on Paris Carney, amazing songwriter, singer. There's a bunch of other people that I'm not naming, but just great people.
friends of mine and we just worked on i made an album like two months two weeks two weeks two three weeks wow just like two rooms all at once and um i'm just like really really excited it's the most personal music ever put out wait i'm so excited for you that's awesome thank you yeah so the first song is like the song's called work it out can i hear a little bit of it okay so i wrote wrote this song with uh this amazing writer named blush and jason evigan who like
It's pretty much worked on 90% of the music that you listen to. You're like, oh my God. And we wrote it really quickly, but the idea is pretty much just like sometimes you realize that you just have to shake yourself out of something and you're the only person that's going to fix it for yourself. No one's going to come save you. It's also like emotional lyric with fun music. That's the best pop song. Yeah. Well, I need to hear it. Oh, Louise, you have it pulled up. Oh. Okay, Pussy is exclusive.
I'm so addicted to my phone. You seriously don't understand. Who's not? No, no, no. You've never met someone like me. Thank God you're addicted to your phone or we wouldn't get so much good shit from you. Joe! Oh my god, nice! That was so nice. That's the response I want when I talk about my phone addiction. I'm sure your therapist says something differently. Okay, so Joe. We are about to play the world exclusive of...
Work it out. Work it out. My new song. The chorus. This is the chorus. No one's heard the chorus. And no one's heard this before. No one. Besides. I've only teased the verses. So this is the first time. This is the first time anyone has heard the chorus. Pussy exclusive. He's getting emotional about it. Getting emotional. Get this guy Celsius. Pussy exclusive. Work it out. Chorus. One, two, three, four, five. Oh, that was amazing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. And that comes out in nine days. Nine days? Nine days. What is the exact date? July 19th. Work It Out, July 19th by Joe Jonas, the first single off your upcoming solo album. Wow. Thank you so much. So does the rest of the album sound like that or is it like, do you have any ballads? Yeah, it's all over the place. Oh my God, I'm so excited. I think we're going to probably release...
A few more songs before the album comes out. Okay. And you haven't announced the release date of the album yet? Not yet. Got it. It'll be later this year. Or the title of the album? No, I'm not. Can you whisper it? You didn't whisper it. I can whisper it. Here. Ow! Oh, shit. I know the title, and I knew it before we started. Oh, snap. Oh, that was good. Wasn't that good? That was good.
Oh my god, that was really good. Okay, wait. So, when you write an album with these people, do you all live in a house together? No, but I was living like two minutes from the house. Okay, and do you just wake up and go? How does this work? Like you, you have your guest house. Right. But you're not recording in your home. It's good to have this little separation. Or if you have that Jake Shane money, you got a guest house and a studio house. Okay. Joe. Joe.
My, the studio house, it's actually the House of Blues Studios. Wow. Which is, the home is owned by the, I guess the former owners of the House of Blues. And they built this gorgeous studio. And it's interesting, I used to like go there a lot. My brother and actually Greg, who's right here, they used to have a production team together.
and they worked on a bunch of music. I just want to know, because I always want to be a pop star, do you just wake up and you're like, okay, let's get breakfast and record? That's right, because you asked, do we live a deal? Yeah, how much time do you guys spend together? My hours were from noon to whenever we finished, but I think it's healthy to not, for me at least, I want to be able to
clock out at some point because I think sometimes you can work yourself to death or you're just trying to catch an idea but Alexander is great to work with is like
We'll start ideas and we'll just move on. We're not trying to be like, we must finish this. Sometimes you're like, all right, we got a good start. Let's revisit that later. And he was really helpful. I mean, he was the one person that helped me kind of like crack the code on the sound and what I wanted it to become. He's so talented, huh? He's amazing. He's so good. And I love that dude. Yeah, he's great. Such a sweetheart. And he's so incredibly talented. And so I got to work with...
Then there was a few songs. I worked with Dan Nigro as well. I love him. Dan's amazing. Oh my God, I love him. I've never met him, but I'm a big fan. Yeah, for those of you who don't know, he did all of Chaperone's stuff, all of Olivia Rodrigo's music. Conan Gray. Conan Gray as well. And so just...
amazing person and East Coast guy. So I grew up in New Jersey. So we're bonding on that. He was in a great band that I loved. What band was he in? As Tall As Lions, right? As Tall As Lions is like a great band from back in the early 2000s, rock band. And we wrote a song. It's kind of bizarre moment, but it's one of my favorite songs I've written on this project. I'm really excited to hear this album. When's the last time you did a solo work? It was a long time ago, but it's hard to even like,
I don't know if I look at that as... Look, very different projects. I had a solo album come out, but it was... At the time, I learned a lot about myself because there was a lot of cooks in the kitchen. Right. And I kind of went a direction that I felt like...
I'm proud of the music now, so I should say that. I learned a lot, but I feel like if I could turn back time, I would have spent more time trying to crack the code on what I wanted to say musically and sonically. I feel like I've been able to do that now. Because you were really... Very influenced by the people around me. I think a lot of young artists probably feel that way. There's people in the room, they're like, oh, you know what would sound good? And then you're like, sure, I guess. You've done it longer than me. So I didn't have that time to figure out who I was as an artist and a person before.
And now I feel more comfortable to share all that stuff. Oh my God, congratulations. And it's like my journals. I was like, here you go, guys. And they just read your journals? No, no, no. I shared a lot of my journal, but in this process, it's like sharing your journal to the world. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant you literally handed them your journal. No, sometimes. Alexandra did take a peek. Really? Yeah. Wow. So you really get close on a level that's like... So there's music that's all over the place. There's some real beautiful ballads. There's songs about...
Being a dad. There's songs about love. There's songs about being better to yourself. Kind of everything. Wow. Yeah. I'm super excited. That's amazing. Have you heard the album, Greg? How long have you guys been working together for? So Greg used to be, this is wild, since he was 19, right? What? What?
18, he was the first Jonas Brothers bass player in our band for like 15 years. Shut the fuck up. And 10 years. And then I always have, he's honestly, this guy's brain when it comes to dates and times, it's insane. He can tell you where the Jonas Brothers played. It's Jonas Brothers knowledge. So it's not, maybe it's, it's not, it's impressive for like Jonas Brothers fans. But he can tell you where we like were like July 13th, 2009. Where were they? Yeah.
July 13th. Watch him do this. Watch. I know we were on tour for Lion's Vines Triumph. Wow, I love that album! It had just come out. It had come out of America. This is impressive though, right? I don't know. Probably somewhere in the mid- That is crazy, Greg! I know, I gave him a toughie. But anyway, so he was bass player for 10 years and then moved over to do his own thing at the time. Wow. Isn't that crazy? That is fucking crazy. I can't believe you remembered all that.
I can't remember. Do you have a good memory or bad memory? A terrible memory. I have a really bad memory too. And I used to have a really good memory, but then I started smoking a lot and it just fucked my memory. Smoking what? Weed.
It ruined my memory. It really, really, really did. At least you have a good excuse. Yeah, I do. I just have a bad memory. Okay, well, Joe, should we get into the Tell Me What's Wrongs? Oh, yes. Do you know about the Tell Me What's Wrongs? Of course. You know I love your show. Oh, Joe! Or I just love the clips that come up on my page. What? I'm joking. Amazing. I'm here to help.
I feel like getting a tattoo. Not one person in my immediate family has one, but my dad's side, all of his siblings do. And he always told me to never get one. My other issue is that I am the most indecisive person to walk this earth. And I'm scared that the minute I get it, I will want it gone. What should I do? I wouldn't get it. So I would get it. I mean, you're biased. You have tattoos. I have tattoos, but it took me forever to get my first tattoo. What was your first tattoo? It's this little symbol here. It means help me help you.
It was a gift from Kevin on my birthday. It's kind of sketchy. I walked into a hotel room and he was like, happy birthday. I was like, what? There was a person ready to give me a tattoo in the room. That's weird. He knew I wanted to get this for a long time. What is that crown one? I like that crown one. That's a little Basquiat crown. I love that one. You have a lot of tattoos. How many tattoos do you have?
Couldn't tell you. Okay, so what? I don't know. Greg, do you know? So there's, I have cartoons on my legs. Really? Yeah. And it's quite funny because if I get a massage and then I start rubbing my legs, the other day they said it was like, she was like, I could feel, she was like telling me it because I was doing some squats. So my legs were sore. Okay. She was like,
She's like, near the Spongebob and Mario. You're very tight. You have Spongebob and Mario? Yep. And some other classic cartoons on there. Like who? Guess. Who are some of your favorites? Homer Simpson. No, but close. Peter Griffin. Not Peter. Partman. Younger. Okay. Younger, like more, like, I guess. You're how old? 24. 24.
Yeah, I think you would know these. Hey, Arnold. Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory. I know Dexter. Who else? Mojo Jojo from Powerpuff Girls. Wow, that's kind of c***y. That's kind of c***y. Well, you know, Jojo is my name. Yeah. Why not? Wow, I was not expecting that from you. That's kind of everything. When did you get that tattoo and why?
Because why not? Okay, love. Are you like in your Brat Summer era too? Always. Are you listening to Brat? Duh. What's your favorite song? You know I've been listening to it a lot right now because it's just everywhere. It's the Apple song. What is it called? Apple. Oh, there you go. I love her though. She's amazing. I love Charmian. She's the best. She's incredible. We did a video together. We shot it in, she was shooting it like all over town and we shot in my living, dining room.
You guys have a song together? No, I was in one of her videos. Which video? Boys. Hang up. The boy syrup on pancakes. Wait, okay. Stuff is coming back to me now. Stuff is coming back to me now. Okay, so for this pussy, you obviously think she should get a tattoo. The reason I don't think she should get a tattoo is because she says she's indecisive, and that gives me anxiety. Yeah, but there is technology to remove stuff, so it's not like you're getting something that's permanent. She's not getting a new chin. Okay, how easy is it to remove a tattoo? It hurts. It hurts.
I'd have never gotten a tattoo removed. Do you know anyone that's gotten a tattoo removed? Yeah, my best friend. Okay. He has really bad tattoos. Oh, like what? Like from his drug days. So he has like, yeah. So now I'm getting them all removed and it takes a lot of sessions. So I would say like go small and go to something that your dad would like. Now this has got me thinking. Be like father. I kind of want a tattoo. Daddy with a heart around it. Ooh. That could be for multiple people too. Mm-hmm.
I guess. She did say her dad's side all has tattoos. But I'm also now. And he's saying don't get them because he's like, you know. I don't, I mean like. He probably knows his daughter really well. He's like, I know you're indecisive. I always wanted a tattoo. Did you have, do you have a tattoo? No, I don't. Well then why would you not have a pussy tattoo?
See, I think about this all the time. On your back? I would want a PTP. Oh, I love Ben Affleck's tattoo. I don't care what anyone says. I want a PTP in my handwriting right there. That's great. I've got little ones. Should I do it? Let's do it. I'll do it with you. No, you won't. Will you actually? Why not? You'll come to take me to get a tattoo? Let's do it.
I have a great tattoo artist. I have an amazing... How long are you in LA for? He can come here. How long are you in LA for? 24 hours. Fuck. But I'm back eventually. When? Well, how about when you come to Mexico? Dino. I know a couple good ones in Mexico City. Do you actually? No, but I'm sure we can find one. Greg? There's great tattoo artists everywhere.
Well, by the time we get to Mexico City, you're going to show up and be like, Joe's supposed to be waiting for me. I'm excited for my tattoo that I'm getting with you. Done. I'll get a tattoo with you. Shake on it. I won't get the same one, but I'll get a tattoo. Okay. Really? Yeah. Okay. So essentially it is 20. You pick mine. I'll pick yours. What is the date for Mexico City so I can confirm this on air right now? 21st, 22nd. Cool. That's my best friend's birthday.
Bring them. Okay. I prescribe a tattoo because now I'm going to get a tattoo. Hell yeah. How do you deal with being left out? How do you deal with being left out? It's a tough one. It's tough when you see it. It makes me so upset. Like, you know, social media. Yeah, social media has made it worse. Because you're like, oh, they're having a lot of fun and I'm not there. I think you deal with it by throwing your own thing and making sure those people are not invited. Like, who would go if not them? Yeah.
You find new friends. Okay, sorry. I was being toxic. You're so right. You're so right. You're so right. Sorry. I was getting back in my headspace when I was left out. I used to get left out all the time and I would make it my mission to always be there. And then once I was there, I actually realized that it's not that fun. So my prescription is just knowing that it's not always that fun. And I also prescribe the movie The Click.
I don't know if I know that movie. It's like... You should watch that when you're being left out. Yeah, The Click. You should order the comfort food. What's your comfort food? I mean, probably In-N-Out, to be honest. You love In-N-Out. It's the second time I dropped it. I'm trying to get that In-N-Out deal. Uh-huh. You never see In-N-Out ads, do you? Never. They don't need them. They don't, but I'm trying to... They don't need them. I know. I've been in my burger era recently. Have you ever been to J.G. Mellon?
The best. Yeah, it was really, really, really good. Which one? Well, there's only one now. I think they closed the one downtown. I went to the one on East 80-whatever or 70-whatever. It's amazing. Yeah, it was incredible. Do you like pickles on your burgers? Yes. I didn't fuck with the french fries, though. They're pretty soggy. They were just weird. Like, why are they circles?
I think, why are they circles? Oh, I forgot. They do the waffle fries. No, those are not waffles. They are like potato skins of sorts. Those aren't french fries. If they call them like cottage crisps, they were like not my vibe. I feel like McDonald's is also quite, oh, I'm getting a phone call. Oh, you are? Who? I actually don't know who this is. Oh, never mind. No, don't worry about it. Oh, okay. Damn. Now you want to know. Secret secrets are no fun.
It's somebody from my record label if you really want to know. Oh! I was just on the phone with Nick. He did say hi. Oh, tell him I say hi. I will. Before this, I was like, I'm about to go do this. Aww. And Glenn too. Really? Yeah, but he didn't respond. Oh. I text Glenn and I was like, oh no, he did respond. What did he say? I said, I'm going to do the podcast with Jake right now. He said, no way. I freaking love that guy. You guys are going to have the best time. I love him. He's just a teddy bear. He is a teddy bear. He's a golden retriever. Yes. I love him. Okay.
How do I cope with being an only child? I feel like I, we are the wrong people to ask these questions. Actually, maybe we're the right ones because I have a younger brother, but everyone thinks I'm an only child. How do I cope with being an only child? I feel like I only have myself and don't have anyone who gets me. Sometimes I'm happy that I don't have siblings, but I wish I had someone to truly bond with. Any suggestions? It should be like an app for making friends.
There is Bumblefriend. I think, you know, maybe try putting yourself out there. Depending on the person's age, go to like, there's like fun classes in each city. You know what ClassPass, also not sponsored, is really good to meet people. Really? Like, it's usually workout related, but you can go and like, you know, meet people.
meet people. There's also like pottery classes. It depends what city you live in. And I'm just assuming she lives in like a city, but like, you know, like she, hopefully she does. I hope she does. But if you're in New York, I would say you can meet people by drinking. And then if you're in LA, you can meet people by working out. LA is so tough to meet people though. Yeah. It's impossible. It's like, I've met two people this year. Yeah. No, I listened. I lived here forever and it was like,
How long? You don't live here anymore. You live in New York. I live in New York now. Okay. I kind of live out of a suitcase right now, but yeah. Do you miss living in LA ever? No. It doesn't sound like it. You love New York, huh? I miss my friends that are here though. Yeah. That I took no time to make. And all my friends are from other places. Right. But yeah, meeting people in LA is tough. But yeah, it's like going to Alo. Just kidding now, but I know you go to Alo. No, I've met so many people in Alo. Your two friends? Yeah. No. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah.
I do meet them through Aloe. I think there's a lot of ways you can meet people, but you just have to like research it. Research? I don't know. Oh, ask AI, like open AI. Like where do I meet people in LA? Friends. You gotta be specific. Yeah. But I like outside of like Aloe, I did. New York is so easy to meet people. It's really so easy. You see the same people all the time, depending on where you are. You're always bumping into the same people and you're like homies with the barista, you know? What's your favorite coffee shop in New York? Favorite coffee shop in New York?
La Cabra. And the most amazing pastries, too. Ooh. When you're there next. I'm not a pastry girl. I don't know why. Really? Yeah. I don't know what it is. Like, I like a butter croissant. Okay. That's a pastry. But, like, anything else sweeter, I can't do. Really? Okay. Yeah, I don't have a sweet tooth for it. Well, this place has a really good butter croissant, so. Next time you're in New York? You ever go to Irving Farm? Where's that? There's one. Are any of you from New York? You ever been to Irving Farm? Yeah.
Yes. That was my high school. Well, this was the place where I would get coffee before high school every day. Oh, okay. And so their cold brew is exceptional. Well, there you go. Then I'll add it to my list. You have to. You have to. Wait. I'll get a tattoo, but you have to go to Irving Farm. Done. Okay. Deal.
They used to have this thing. They don't have it anymore. It was a grilled sweet potato with an egg on top of it. It was so good. It does sound amazing. It was so good. I feel like everyone's hating on me for going to the same college as my boyfriend. What do I do? I don't know. Is that the main reason she went to the college? I think that's what it sounds like, yeah. I think they'll forget about it. Yeah, there's nothing you can do, honestly. No, I mean, it is a little like... Aggressive? Yeah.
Yeah, or maybe you're prioritizing your relationship. But I think at the end of the day, they'll probably get over it. I think they'll get over it. Or they'll forget after a while. Drake has this thing, this 72-hour rule, and people will forget about it in 72 hours. Drake says that? Yeah, he does say that. Oh, you big Drake quote guy? Sometimes, yeah. A little, yeah. Got it. Well, that's good to know. I think, yeah, they'll probably forget about it. It may not be 72 hours, but...
No, I mean, they'll definitely talk shit. Yeah, year one, they'll forget about it. But, like, listen. Also, if you're really, like, in love with a person, who cares? Right. Number one, who cares? Number two, as someone who is, like, a pro, like, I am a gossip. Like, through and fucking through. Like, I bleed and die for, like, talking shit, essentially. And, like, that, to me...
I'd be like, I would talk about it for sure for like five minutes and then we move on. You wouldn't be like, and then like maybe every now and then I'd get reminded like, oh, she goes to the same college as her boyfriend. Like, oh, remember that? But then I'd be like, but then the second time I talk about it, I'd be like, well, if they seem happy, it's fine. But the first time you just have to like, first time it'd be like a big, big topic of discussion. It would be like five minutes. I think 10. Yeah. And then, but here's the thing. People forget that like,
No one's going to bed being like, I can't believe she's going to the same college as her boyfriend. Right. So true. It's not the last thing they're thinking about. They're thinking about themselves. Exactly. I think about myself so much. So that's like, you should find solace in that. There's like a healthy balance to it. Yeah. I mean, everyone's always thinking about themselves more than they're thinking about you. There you go, girl. Like today, I discovered that confidence was fake, so I've decided that I'm going to be confident. Well, shit. Yeah. Is that a Drake quote? No. No.
I learned it in my Pilates class today. Oh, wow. Yeah. My friend was like, girl, no one has confidence. And I was like, girl, what do you mean? And she was like, it's fake. You just have to fake it. And so I put on my Instagram story. I'm confident now. And then everyone started swiping up telling me they liked my scruff. But then I shaved it. So that's why I'm like, like, I'm just like. You draw it on.
Well, superimpose scruff. How expensive? How much money we got with this show? Put some scruff post. Scruff post? Put it in post. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, you speak so show busy. You know. Yeah. Show busy. My brother is a male model and recently started an OnlyFans account. I just found out my best friend of 13 years bought a subscription. Ew. I feel uncomfortable and don't know how to approach her. Please help. Here's what I'm thinking. Okay.
You know how you like some people you have friends that keep tabs on like, you know. Is it boyfriend or brother? My brother. Oh, God. I thought ex-boyfriend. No, no. This person's brother is a male model and their best friend bought a subscription of 13 years. Their best friend of 13 years. Just putting it out there. You know the sister's not going to watch it. But to have a best friend, he's like, hey, I'll let you know if it gets like really bad. Yeah, I kind of see her point, honestly. Like being like, hey...
I'm not going to tell you that I'm watching this alone in my room, but I'll let you know if like it gets kind of weird because maybe, I don't know how it works, but do you like see who follows you or whatever? He must see like, he must. Maybe that's why she said, Hey, by the way, I bought this, this subscription. I almost said, if she didn't tell her then, but she told her, how does she know? Because I bet you the brother was like, yo, your friend just bought a subscription to my only fans.
because he can see oh shit yeah and that's that's it's got see that's it's weird that's weird if she fessed up then i'd be like maybe she's like hey by the way i'm just gonna keep an eye on it because what if he's like doing some freaky stuff on here that you wouldn't want that that that it's like about the family but if she approaches the sister that she's fucking up his bag because he'll lose he'll lose a subscriber i'll lose some 20 bucks or whatever it is do you know how much money people make on only fans yes i do it is crazy lily allen just joined
Only feet. Yes. I saw that. Wait, what? She's putting her feet on. Is it? Okay. She's what? Like, is it like? I thought she was only doing her feet. Is it a joke or like, is she like dead serious about it? I don't know, but I learned something quite interesting recently about my feet. Which was? So I'm quite proud of this. I'm going to show you the score. There's a website. Okay. My youngest brother was like, oh yeah, you're on, I think it's WikiFeet. Oh.
He's like, yeah, you're on WikiFeet. I was like, what's that? That's awesome. And he tells me about WikiFeet. WikiFeet? Get ready for this. So he's like, yeah, you're on WikiFeet. I was like, oh, cool. What's that? He tells me about it. Hold on. Let me see if I can find it. Wait, you don't have a phone case? No.
I know, girl. That's rich behavior. I'm looking for a pussy case. My youngest brother's like, yeah, all the brothers are on there. I was like, okay. So I'm looking. I'm like, all right. They're 4.6, 4.7. What are yours rated? 4.9. Out of five? Out of five. That is- I've never been more proud of my life. Amazing. Who has a five-footer? And ever since, by the way, ever since I've got this rating-
I'm taking care of these feet way more than I have been before. You get pedicures? Yeah. Shiny buff? Sometimes. I love a shiny buff. Do you think these are 4.5? I'm going to show you. I was going to say. I'm not putting these puppies out for free, you know? You have great feet. Do you think those are 4.9s? Yeah, I do. You have great feet. Thank you. So maybe I will get on only feet. I mean, this is the best promo for it. People, you'll definitely make a nice pretty penny on it. You can do it for charity.
Or for coffees. Or for yourself. Would you ever be on OnlyFans? Are you on OnlyFans? No. No. I could... No. Even like... I respect the fuck out of it. Yeah. I just don't think I... It's personally... I don't think I could do it. Okay. Good to know. I think I could do like a Patreon. Yeah, like... A what? You know what a Patreon is? Like a character? No. It's like...
Only fans for vlogs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I think the only fans are going to become that probably. So it's like not sexual. Yeah. The people that are on there that are not sexual. On OnlyFans? I don't know. I've heard about it. Yeah, see? Some people are shaking their heads. I think I would still do a Patreon. I bet in five years we're going to be like, remember when we talked about that and then everybody was on there? I remember when the first celebrity joined Snapchat. Oh. Who was that? You want to know who it was for me? Tinashe.
Oh, wow. Yep. I've been a nasty girl. There's a handwritten one? Yeah. I used to be in handwriting class when I was a kid. I didn't know that. It was so bad.
Oh, you were in the class because your handwriting was so bad. But I was really good at typing. Me too. I'm still like a keyboard warrior. I was on my phone the other day typing. I was on a plane and the wife, I wasn't working, so I started typing with my eyes closed for fun to see what I could do. We used to play this game where it was the fastest texter.
Who won? Me. Okay. Obviously. You are a good tech star. You're good at your phone. You're good at technology is what I've been saying. I can do it and not look most of the time. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but you know what I'm saying. I think it's a good thing.
I bet kids were going to be in tech class soon. Like we did computer class. Oh, I remember computer class. Loved computer class. That was my favorite class. My teacher was so fucking hot and he drove like a Porsche or something. It was crazy. We used to have to practice typing out sentences and my sentence I picked was, Jake is the best person in the world and I would type it out over and over and over and over and over again. That's like Matt Simpson on the chalkboard.
Yes, but it was like positive affirmations and I was like seven and I would write it over and over and over and over again and I still do it and I could still, if I did it right now, I could type it a hundred times over and not miss a single beat with my eyes closed. I love that. Jake is the best person in the world. Jake is the best person in the world. And I love him so much I would add sometimes. Aw, that's cute. I know. It's very positive thinking. I know. I wonder when it stopped. My step grandma won't stop coming on to me. What do I do? And they gave me a number.
Maybe their step-grandma's like a gold digger and they're 40. Well, we should call this person. How's grandma? Like, is she like leg under the table at the family function? Like what's going on here? Well, I guess we're about to find out. Hi, this is Jake Shane and Joe Jonas. We got your tell me what's wrong about your step-grandma. I got it's Joe. It's Joe here. Here. Come talk to Joe. So we're reading your note and we're really curious about this relationship with your step-grandma or at least how old is she?
Okay, so I think she wants validation. Jake says that she might want validation. No, that's disgusting. How old is she?
How old is she? Is she single? Well, he says step-grandma. She's my grandpa. Well, I don't know if your grandpa was still alive. She acts like she's single. She acts like she's single, but no, she's not. You should ask your grandpa if she's cool with it. How old is she? She's what? She's 79, and my grandpa's 82. Yeah, I think you might need to bring this up to your grandpa. Okay, because I've been with older women before, but not that much older. How old is she?
You know, like 55, 56, but I never touched the 60s. Wow. I lost my virginity to a 39-year-old when I was 20, so I can kind of relate. Would you recommend it? No. It was from Grindr, honestly. It was crazy. Wow. Yeah, it was during COVID. It was just a mess. Good for you. Thank you. Did you guys wear masks? No. Well, I think maybe...
You like grab her leg next time she plays footsie and like put her foot on the table and be like, this woman just touched my leg. Oh, if your grandpa has money, he'll write her out of the well. Oh, maybe bring this up to your grandfather. Yeah. Wait, you just cut out for a second. So sorry. If your grandpa has money. Expose yourself to your grandfather? No. Expose her. If you expose her, then your grandpa could write her out of the well and that means more money for you. I mean, he's 82, so he doesn't have much longer left.
smart smart there you go you can how about this you don't even need to because he might not believe you like film it oh well if I film it should I take it a little further though because OnlyFans there's a whole OnlyFans probably for this we actually just talked about OnlyFans for a while we're talking about OnlyFans you can put this you can just maybe just put this on OnlyFans and make more money I like that I also just want to say I would subscribe to both of your OnlyFans for sure
Aww. We were just talking about that. Thank you. What was your name? What's your name? What? Your name. Franklin. Thank you, Franklin. Oh, my brother's named Franklin. Nice to meet you, Franklin. Best of luck with your step-grandma. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'll keep you guys updated. All right. Please do. Bye, Franklin. Bye-bye. What's your personal phone number so I can... 555-2555. Got it. Okay. You'll be hearing from me and my step-grandma. Bye, boo.
I don't think I've ever had a caller that's so calm, cool, and collected before. He sounds like somebody I know. Really? Yes, a lot like somebody I know. Who would that be? That sounded exactly like Alexander23. A prank? Thank you. I think it might have been him. You have great hair. Has anyone ever told you that? Wow. Yes, I have. And thank you. You have amazing hair. Thank you. It's like luscious and black. You have great hair too. Thank you. What color would you describe this as?
Brunette, I guess, right? Mm-hmm. What color would you describe my eyes as? Blue. What? Those are blue. Blue? Yeah, those are blue. Do you think I have blue eyes? I'm never going to shut up about this. No way you think I have blue eyes. What color eyes do you have? Hazel. Those are blue. I'm glad they look blue. Well, also, you have the blue octopus behind you, so maybe my eyes are just drawn to that color. Wow. I've got to take off my shoes.
Better? So much better. You weren't wearing, you wouldn't take off your sandals. Yeah. My slippies. Very on brand for this week. I know, 4th of July. Are you celebrating? What are you doing? Last week there was fireworks going off in Italy and I told them I was saving my body for the 4th of July. I love that for you. So I didn't watch. Have you ever been to Bastille Day in France? No. It's like the French's 4th of July. I've never been. French's 4th of July. I'm like kind of down to go. Let's go. I want to go to the Holland Day. Oh, okay.
Okay, what do we got? My boyfriend has really long toenails. How do I tell him to cut them without implying that he's gross so he doesn't get defensive? You don't have long toenails. I'm just saying you have good feet so you can help with this. Thank you. You should have started with that. I know. I'm sorry. After you said that, I'm like, wait a minute. Oh, from Tatum. Hi, Tatum. I showed you my feet. Hi, Tatum. I think you probably take him to...
Like a salon. And then maybe you just like let the lady know. Like cut them. Or a person before be like, you should bring up how long his toenails are. So when the person's like, wow, your toenails are really long. Okay. And it's not her that has to say it. You know what I would do? I would be like, please, my gift to you for whatever, six, 13, 14 month anniversary is going to be a pedicure. And we're going to go together. And then you're going to say to the girl, please cut it short. And then he's going to,
how they cut short and you're going to be like, oh my God, look how short they are. Don't you like them short? Doesn't this feel better when you put socks on? I think that's a good idea. And he's going to be like, oh my God, yeah, it feels so good. I feel like I should, not only should I... What if he goes and he's like, keep them long? Well, then at that point, I would prescribe a good dose of honesty. I would turn to... Yeah, he's like, I like those puppies long. That's just disgusting. He might like grab stuff with him. Yeah, you know, sometimes my nails get so long. Do you paint your nails? And I pretend they're acrylics.
I do. But then I have to cut them. I bite them off sometimes. Are you a nail biter? Do you ever get anxious? Yeah, sometimes anxious. Yeah. On a plane yesterday, I was getting anxious. I thought I was having an allergic reaction. Have you seen Inside Out 2 yet? No. But Anxious is introduced, right? Yes. And apparently everyone's like, Jake, it is so you. And I need to see it. Nolan, you saw it. You said it was just like me, right? Yeah, I was thinking about you. Really? Yeah. Thank you. Louise and I are going tonight. Are we not?
Okay, cool, girl. Like, that was the plan. Girl, my birthday is July 19th and I'm turning 19, so it's my golden birthday. I want to throw a brat-themed party, but IDK how and, like, what would I do? Decor invites? Call me, Leo. Amazing. Okay. Should we call her? Hi, this is Leo. We'll leave a message for Leo. Leave your name and number and I'll call you back. Thanks. Bye.
Hi, it's Jake Shane and... Hi, it's Joe Jonas. Your birthday is July 19th, which actually is quite exciting. I have a song coming out July 19th. And you want to do a brat-themed birthday party. So we tried to call you, but you didn't answer. For your invite, you should send it out as an email because I feel like it's kind of cunty. And, okay, so it's 19 and you want it to be brat. And, like, what would you do? Paint the whole house green. Maybe go out clubbing. I was going to go with, like, different types of food. Oh, okay.
No, fine. Do you. What I will say is I was going to paint the house green. If we're going Charlie XCX on this, then paint the house entirely green. Everything should be green themed. Everyone has to show up in green. You can do one of those green jumpsuits. Green full outfit, you know, head to toe. Best of luck. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Leo. Bye. Okay, well, Joe, what did we learn today?
Alexander 23's step-grandmother is possibly making moves on him. Yeah, was that Alexander? My money's on Alexander. Okay. When he said hi, I was like, hmm. That's why I made that face. You were like, say something. It also was handwritten by Louise. Interesting. Interesting. And you're...
birth chart animal. Yes. Which is a panda bear. No, koala. Koala. And yours is a fox. Ding, ding, ding. Wow. Hi, listener. Somebody's listening. Oh my God. A lot's changing. They're working. My ears are really tiny. They're my favorite part about myself, by the way. Sorry, I just had to throw that in there. Ears and nose are the two things that never stop growing. Really? I don't think my ears have ever grown.
Well, in time. Oh, God. Let's pray. Let's hope not. I've learned that I'm going to your show in Monterey, Mexico. Yes, we're getting tattoos. And we're getting tattoos. We actually... We have to do that. Of course. I hope everyone in this room is serious about it. You better believe... I'm getting... You're Mr. Dates. You're good with dates. August 25th. I'll see you in Monterey. I'll have the tattoo artist waiting. Really? Right when you walk in. It'll be in your hotel room. Okay. Just like Kevin's thing. I can't believe this is happening. I'm actually going to do this. You better...
Okay. You gotta get your meditative state ready. Okay, I'm gonna get a tattoo with you. And it's gonna say PTP right here. Boom. You already know what you want, so you're good. In my handwriting, so it's a little c**t. Great. Oh, we've learned that you have a Powerpuff Girl tattoo, which is so c**t. Thank you. Yes. We've learned that your favorite coffee shop... Let's actually test my listening skills during this. Okay, yeah. Go off. We've learned that your favorite coffee shop is in Miami. Miami.
And I have no idea what it is called. It's going to be a tough one. Sweet Habana Cafe. Sweet Habana Cafe. And it's a half... Cuban coffee shop. But the thing you get from there is like a half tan whatever. Half tan. Flat white. You get a flat white. What else did we learn? We learned that...
Yeah, I would say that those were the biggest takeaways for me. You learned my new album title? We learned. We did learn your new album title. Ooh, but I only told him. Yeah. Only one that knows, except for a lot of people at the record label. And everyone in this room. Uh, no, not everyone. Oh, you don't? Oh, do you? Yeah. Oh, damn.
We should have asked them the question about feeling left out. Remember, that was the first time. What's wrong? True. Well, Joe. And you learned how to talk to a girl who didn't get fired. That's crazy. The rumor was that she got fired because she did that video. She did it. Where was she working at the time? Do you know? I don't know. I only saw the headline. Okay, cool. Well, Joe. Well, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on Therapus. Can we do a little bye, pussies? Bye, pussies. Tense up. And pussies, fun fact, we never even spoke about this.
Joe, you were the first person I ever worked with after this all happened for the Diet Coke thing. Do you remember that? Of course. So funny. Time flies. It really does. Time flies. First person. Well, technically Nick. It was Nick first? Right? I think it was Nick first. But I'm pretty sure I put Nick onto you. You did. I know you did. Because we had this conversation. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, how did you guys even? And I was like, me. Joe! Joe!
Thank you for having me on. Thank you. I love you. You're the best. I love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.