Session 28: Tana Mongeau
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Hi pussies and welcome back to Therapus. If I look like shit right now, it's because I feel like it. Someone told me the other day that they missed my little updates. Well, they told someone who then told me. Not that it matters, but so here's my little update. Last night I, okay, so I had this buffalo chicken wrap for dinner last night and like

It was like, look, I've never only, oh my God, I'm going to throw up thinking about it. I'm seriously. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Like have this Buffalo chicken wrap and I had only half of it. Cause it was so heavy. I'm seriously like getting nauseous thinking about it. And then I, I texted my trainer and he said, okay, give me 10 burpees right now and film it. And I did 10 burpees and filmed it. I'll actually just put it right here for you to see. And after that,

And then I had a whole bag of Katya's candy and a Popsicle. And after that, I started to feel a little like sick. And I just assumed that's because when I was doing the burpees, like the buffalo got up all up around my body. And then I was like, whatever, I'm just going to go to bed. So I took something to go to bed. I took melatonin. And then I woke up at 1.30 in the morning, really sick, like aches all over my body. And then I was like, okay, like I'm just going to put on TV to go to bed. And my Wi-Fi was out. And so I couldn't.

Watch TV and I was laying in bed achy for two hours until my Advil PM kicked in.

So that's where I'm at. And then so I think I'm going to take this time to tell you guys what I'm watching and listening to. Today I'm watching The Other Two on HBO, which is really good. I just finished Hacks and I needed a new premium cable half hour. So I went with The Other Two. It's really hot in this room right now, by the way. And then today I'm listening to Crash by Charli XCX. I know we're like in a brat summer, but like I rediscovered Crash today and I was like really into it. And my friend Will is here watching me record my intro. Say hi, Will. Say it loud so the mic can pick it up.

Hi, guys. Louder. Hi, pussies. Louder. Hi, pussies. I hope you guys heard that. Will's here. Today, we have one of my favorite people in the entire world, Tana Mongeau, on. I think this might actually be the longest therapist session to date. We talked for like two hours. I don't even know how long we talked for. And yeah, I think you guys will really, really, really like it. She's absolutely hysterical. No one tells a story like her. And I think this will be one of your favorites because it's one of mine.

Um, as always, to submit Tell Me What's Wrong, go to PassThatPuss.com. Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. And enjoy the episode. I love you, pussies. It's so funny you having me on this podcast. Like, was, like, Chelsea Cutler busy? No! Like, where's Julia Michaels? No, how bad did I want Tana? But, like, I love you for that. I think, Tana, sometimes I think you don't know how great you are. Oh.

You don't. Coming from you is like, oh my God, I just- What do you mean coming from me? I need to say it one time and I'm only going to say it one time today, okay? Say it. I feel like such a make a wish child whenever I'm around you. Like, I just, I love being in your house. I love, you're my favorite content creator. And you're mine. Like, ooh.

Tana, you don't understand. You act like you... I mean, it's one of your greatest qualities, how humble you are. But you've been doing this for, what, seven, eight, nine, ten years? You act like you just started a month ago. You know what I mean? Damn. It's so true. I do. I don't know why it is. You're like, thank you. I'm like, thank... Tana, you have one of the most listened to podcasts in the country. Thank you? What are you talking about? I mean, yeah, I guess that's really sweet. I don't know. It's just like...

You know me, like I'm just not brand safe and I'm wild. So anything that anyone is down, like when people are down to stoop to my brand safety level, it means the world to me. Tana, fuck a brand safety. Paris Hilton wasn't brand safe back in her day. That's, I mean, that's why she's just the goat. And no one was. Marilyn, you know what? If you really think about it, Marilyn Monroe was not brand safe back in her day.

Wow. She wasn't. See, only you would say that. But she wasn't. It's so true. You're right. Like, she had her little dress up in the wind and she was fucking the president and whatever. Yeah, she was singing. Yeah. Can you believe that? If I was Jackie Kennedy, I would have gotten up on that stage and beat her ass. And slapped her. She said, happy birthday. What do you mean? Yeah.

He's married. That was fucked up. But like so iconic. So iconic. Yeah. I just saw that. Have you seen that TikTok trend where it's like, I met Drake, I met SZA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw someone do it where they met Marilyn Monroe. Wow. Like this old guy. How old was he? Very. And how old was the photo? Very. I met SZA, I met Drake. No, I met Marilyn Monroe. Like what do you mean? Like, okay.

I just, oh, Jake Shane, I just have to give you your flowers. And again, thank you for having me on. Whenever people ask me, like, if you're ever brought up, like I was just doing the Dropouts podcast and Tara Yumi was saying how bad she wants to come on and like film with you. She does? She loves you. Oh, I love her. I had no idea. She told me to tell you that. So I'm telling you on the record that. Okay, I will. But I was, I literally always say like, he uses his social media in a way that no one else does. Like, I don't know.

The way you use your platforms to me is like the absolute, like goat level greatness. Thank you. Like, just like, I realized it on this day when you posted. The pharmacist.

No, it was when you wrote a poem to an airline. Yeah, JetBlue. Yeah, they lost your luggage and you wrote a poem in your notes app to JetBlue and you posted a screenshot of it, hard post on your grid. And I was like, that's my president. Yeah, because fuck JetBlue. Are you fucking kidding me? 100%. And it's like, no, everyone else would be so afraid to do that. And they take shit so seriously. And like, you just, you don't give a fuck. And I think that's the way you should use it.

But that's how you use it. And can I tell you why I think sometimes you're harder on yourself and people are harder on you for being brand safe? It's because you're a woman. Don't get me started. Because like... No, I... Just in the past couple years, I've had this realization because I just think about like...

a Paul brother or like a, you know what I mean? Or like, I was literally just texting him in your driveway. I do stand now. The rebrand is he's reformed. Oh, he's, he's reformed. People are quicker to forgive and forget when it's a guy for sure. I think, but I mean, I just try not to take that route because then it's kind of like you're giving people what they want. Like I'm like, Oh, people are hurting. I mean, I'm a woman. Like I'd rather just keep pushing harder and acting like a man until people accept it. You know what I mean? And I don't know. Have you heard the man by Taylor Swift? No.

What? No. Bitch. I do. I'm looking at Paige's so real. Paige and Jake Shane are my Swifty coaches until I die. Why don't I have Paige's number? You need it. You guys would go in.

In. You guys would be best friends. You'd forget about me. I'm so sad. I'm not kidding. No, we're going to do a group chat where all Paige and I do is send Swift, Swifty News to you so you can just stay up to date. You kept me alive on tour, like sanity wise. Like I was just saying off camera, but like I'm in the middle of Minnesota. I've forgotten everything I know and love. I'm miles from the pink wall and Alfred's Coffee. And, you know, everyone is...

Fuck, I have to stop shitting on people in states that I'm touring in. But you were texting me all these Taylor Swift songs and like why I would love them. And for like 48 hours, I was just like in Jake Shane world and it was like the best. It's an awesome world to be in until it's not. I am so obsessed right now with I Can Do It With A Broken Heart. I was listening to it the whole way here. It's a good touring song to listen to because some days you wake up and you're like...

I'm sure I've never done it, but I'm sure you're like, I want to kill myself. I'm so depressed. I act like it's my birthday. Yeah. Every day. You get up there and do it. Yeah. I mean, in the scary mental parts of what you do, it's such a relatable song. And I know she just ate and how it sounds like you can hear her in ears. You can. In the song. Like that's so, like who thinks of that? You want to hear a Taylor Swift fun fact? No. Okay. So in So Long London, which is goodbye to Joe. Yes. The beginning of.

is sampled from Call It What You Want, which is her first love song to Joe. Me too. Me too. It goes da-da-da, or what does it go again? It's like da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

And then it's like, and then if you sing Call It What You Want, it matches perfectly. And then it goes into So Long London. If you could ask Taylor Swift one question, what would you ask her? Sorry, I'm also like, stop asking questions. Wait, no, this is my favorite thing when guests do that. That's my favorite thing. It makes me feel so much better. If I had to ask her one thing, I would ask her what her favorite song is.

she ever wrote was and why and what do you think it would be i think it would be all too well 10 minute version me too i think it's because just saying how she someone asked her in an interview like brooke was like i'm a swifty and then they were like okay what's your favorite song and she was like all too well 10 minute version and she got a bunch of hate i guess because it's like you're not swifty enough if that's your favorite whatever but that song is just a masterpiece dude it's like a fucking saga of a song it's 10 minutes long and it

feels like three minutes in the best possible way. And it's like, the way it just paints in the imagery of that song to me is unlike anything else. I remember when that song came out and I was like, I just remember like it was the best day of my life. Like I was like, we drove around the,

so like, cause I was in college at the time we drove around silver, like with the windows down, blasting it like full, like blasting it, screaming it. And everyone was staring at us and it was just like euphoric. Like you're in a movie. I was in a movie. Taylor, that's what Taylor Swift does best. It is so true. And even just, have you seen like her directorial skills for the video? Yeah, they're great. Was unlike anything I've ever seen. I think she's going to get into directing and acting and,

I mean, she can run for president and win. 100. Oh, my God. Come on. She could run for president and win. Can I hit your vape?

Therapist, hi pussies. Welcome Tana Mongeau to Therapist. That was the best intro I think I've ever had in my entire life. You're lying. And I never vape on this podcast, but Tana Mongeau is in town and that means I'm going to be vaping the entire episode. I'm really thinking that my fun new bit could be a nicotine patch. Like imagine right now I was just like...

Like, come on. Yes, you have to. I hurt myself, too, by the way. You look beautiful. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. I had to put on a real outfit for you. I was going to wear my Puss University, but I was like, take it off. It's dirty. There's buffalo sauce on the wrist. I need canceled merch. We are almost done, and you will get it all.

I'm so excited. Well, it's so funny with the merch game now. People take it so seriously and they're like critiquing and unpacking. I used to literally just like have a dream and wake up and be like, that's merch. You know what I mean? Or a copyright galore. Like for a while I had like a Lizzie McGuire. Like I turned myself into Lizzie McGuire and put it on merch and it's like...

Gotta cease and desist. What are you doing? Like taking nothing seriously. So I'm trying to actually make the canceled merch really like wearable and cool. You can do it like the on air sign, but it says canceled.

Scrap the whole deck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Not kidding. Wow. Isn't that smart? You're so smart. You're so girl boss town coded, too. You always have great ideas. Well, I was a marketing major in college, but I made merch back when my account had like 500 followers. And I was interning in college and I made...

a few thousand dollars and, oh, this was so scammy of me. And I, I, Well, you're talking to me. And I, and I spent, I think I had $2,000 saved up. I spent $2,000 on my merch, charged everyone a shit ton for it, made a few bucks back and then all of a sudden merch became like a thing when this all popped off. If you think about it, that's like what Yeezy did for a while. Yeah. Or like bad, sorry, bad, bad, bad, nope, nope, nope, yeah, good, good margins now. Yeah, like,

What's a margin? Like, profit margins. You know I don't know. I'm also a high school dropout.

Okay. Oh, you are? Yeah. What grade did you drop out in? Soph-more year. Shut the fuck up. Like two, I only went to school on Fridays freshman year because I just wanted to know what was happening over the weekend. And then by sophomore year, even that was exhausting. And I just, yeah, I remember the day I dropped out, I had on zebra flip flops. I walked right in there and I said, I'm done. But you know what? Does it ever feel so like...

I was born to do this. I was born to talk my shit in front of a camera and have people relate to it. It does feel like that sometimes. And I think it's also like... I was thinking about this actually last night because I think that I have a problem with being present. Me too. Everywhere else mentally. You know what I mean? And I was...

I was shitting actually in my house, but the door was opened. And so I was looking at this house and I was like, like this house is so fucking beautiful. And like, I wasn't supposed to be here. Like the, I just have to try to remember like what the cards I was dealt. Right. This shouldn't be my life. Like I, you know, I should have dropped down and like been a stripper or something, you know? So,

It's cool. It's cool. Yeah. Do you ever think like, sorry, sometimes I think we're really similar in this. Me too. I want to be best friends, but I can't like be a stalker. No, we are. I text. Okay. I text Hannah. Get Julia Michaels on this fucking seat, like and scrap the episode while you still can. I text Hannah every time I'm anxious and it has been this way for us since I've met you. I always text you. Oh.

I always text you. I'm like when, like, I remember when I first, and it sounds so shallow, but when I was like dealing with like the views and stuff and because when you get like, I know this sounds so dystopian and horrible, but like when you get a lot of love online and then it kind of goes quiet for a second, it's like, well, yeah, because you just, you,

you have to really actively choose to map out how your self-worth is in this space. And if you don't, like, it can, because you're basing all your worth in the good and then it goes away and then you're like, who am I? No one loves me. I hate myself. And like, you know, whatever. Yeah. And you always do text me, like... It's funny because...

You know how I know I fucking love you so much, though? Is I had an out-of-body last time. You were texting me just for, like, advice on touring. And, like, which is crazy, first of all. Like, literally, your Rolodex of people you could text that also tour and then choosing me. Crazy. But you do what I want to do. Oh, yeah.

It's true. Okay, continue. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm Louise's death fairy to me for cutting you off. I love you so much. Cut me. We're ADHD. I love it. Yes. Sometimes Tan and I will talk to each other and we'll be like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like yelling over each other but we get everything and it's great. It's like my love language. And I was texting you like novels and voice memos and all this stuff on like how I felt and I left my own body and I was like, damn, you love him because you would leave any other influencer on scene. Like I really would have and I just, you're going to kill it. It's actually funny. I just saw that you...

At the beginning of your shows, Brooke and I were gagged. You have a QR code and people from the audience can send in and ask for advice and then live on stage you give them the advice, right? And I was like, we need to do something like that. You need to. And it was all you. And I was talking about it in a meeting yesterday. I was like, that's the best idea ever. You know whose idea that was? It was Louise's. Was that your idea? Genius. Brooke and I always talk about this as well. It's like...

I fucking love talking to that girl. Obviously no shit. Like we're touring the world doing it and stuff. But let's say we have a story and we want to tell it on stage. And we've now told the story on stage to each other 50 times. Yeah. Fit. Like there's a point where you're acting a little, you know what I mean? And running it like a standup bit. And I'm laughing at a joke where I know the punchline and like whatever. And it does become a little more of like,

Turning it on and it feeling like stand up, but it's so cool to make people feel from what you say. And I think it's, I think this is almost like a new age version of stand up because the issue, the issue I think stand up is facing in this world is that people know you're repeating jokes and then they have trouble with that. And it's like, but that's, it's a performance. And I think that it's like stand up is supposed to feel like you're just up there talking shit. And I think this is kind of the new, um,

way to convince audiences that it's all it's all and just like dope with the dopamine of it all you know what i mean like we have to i'm like do we put subway surfer behind us like you've got to like keep people engaged in so many different ways now you know the younger crowds the younger crowds yeah and they hackle but then when it's at your own show like sometimes it's so fucking funny yeah that it's like encouraged it's like it's because what you do is like

It's kind of a conversation. And so if someone's going to say something that prompts you to say something, that prompts you to tell a story, that prompts you to do this, that prompts you to do that, takes up 20 minutes and then everyone's laughing, why not? It's so worth it, exactly. And it's, oh my God, we've been doing this...

We tell all these stories about us trying to get revenge on a guy. Like when you think you ate, right? Like this guy fucks you over and you're like, I'm going to fuck his best friend. And his best friend's like a literal lizard. And like, he doesn't care at all. And like, you just leave sad. And like, you know what I mean? Like one of those, we're telling all these stories like this. And we started asking the crowds what they've done to get revenge on a man. I think I saw this. I did not do one show without someone telling me that they fucked their ex's dad.

Like, no, I'm not kidding. Because the girls that come to the Cancel Podcast live tour are just as unwell as I am, you know? Oh, you're... I'm going to munch your box, diva. Someone call HR. I'm not kidding. Paige is amazing. Oh, she's everything in the world. I'm actually trying. I'm like, I'm going to take the summer off. And then I'm like, what if me and Paige did a second podcast? It's like in a group. I was about to say, please, I want to hear Patana stories. Dude, it's... Oh, my God, stop. We...

I was going to tell you about how this girl stood up and she told us she was pregnant and she told us it was by her ex's brother. That was the end of what I was saying. There's a clip I'll show you. It was insane. She stood up with her baby bump, everything. He cheated on her so she got pregnant by his brother. They're crazy. The silence is deafening. Me and these bitches are sick. What city were you at? So much of it was Midwest. Like a Midwestern town where you think no one does shit like that. Yeah, but they do. They do. They do. I remember. Yeah, continue.

Well, no, now I want to know. I was just like, I grew up in a suburb once where I thought nothing happened and some girl got pregnant in eighth grade. And I was like, damn. Oh my God, I had a girl like that. We were fucking kicking it too. And I was like, damn, you just had to get knocked up, girl. But now like her and her baby are slaying. Oh my God. Give me a muzzle. Fuck. Yeah, I really want to do a show with her too because...

You will get this more than anyone in the world, okay? So I've been having Paige on Canceled and I'm loving it, right? But the type of conversations Brooke and I have, which I love to have so much, they're so much fun, are usually about like pop culture and boys and we kind of go back and forth and it's more normal. We have our guests on, like our sense of humor is like quick-witted jokes about like normal stuff, you know what I mean? And her and I are like pee-pee-poo-poo humor to the core, you know what I mean? Like and just...

All the silly stuff that you do, like the type of TikToks that you're making, like nimming and stuff. I literally want to call it the pee-pee poo-poo show and no one will let me. But I'm excited to showcase a little more of that type of people. Pee-pee squared. Pee-pee squared. Take it. Do it. We can cut it out of this. Take it and do it.

That's a real fucking friendship though. That's like me and my friend Alice. Like we just sit, I had her on for an intro once. She came on for the intro and all we did was like laugh and like over the stupidest fucking shit. And like you're just in tears and like maybe it's a little unwatchable, but like it's so fun. But it's not unwatchable. That's true. Cause I love watching people dying laughing. Me too. Cause then I'm like, oh, should I laugh? You know what I mean?

Like, that's how I feel. Yes. Okay, well, Tana, I was actually very excited to ask you this. What are you therapist about today? Oh, fuck. But I don't want to give you some half-ass answer, so let me really think. I can start off if you want. I would love for you to start off. I went to an appointment today. It was tomorrow. So I'm canceling the appointment. I can't. What was it? It was laser for my balls. Oh, my God.

Because I once hooked up with a guy. He was like 40. I was like 20. And he was like, you're hairy. And I was like.

okay and you're about to die yeah like what the it's so huh that's crazy does it hurt yeah like a i can't actually imagine i want to laser my so bad but like i just it's so and it's gotta be dehumanizing the eye contact you're making with the person they go like this you ready they go you sit down they go under they they leave the room for you to undress which is just pointless and then they come back in and they go okay butterfly and your butt ass naked

And something about butterfly doesn't make me feel nice or happy. And then they go, okay, pick up your, and you have to pick up your dick. And they like do that side and then that side. And like I would fart. Like ow. One time one of them laughed at me. Were you shaking like on the reformer? I was like, sorry, sorry. And they were like, and I was like.

I would never recover. My issue with it too is like I would need like an old woman. Like the idea of anyone ever knowing anything about me and then I'm like holding my lip. Like not, no. But it feels like, and then a month later you haven't grown an inch of hair and you're like, this is modern technology. Oh yeah, you're so right. It's awesome. And then the hair falls off. It's the, Tana, it's the craziest thing.

It's the craziest thing. Do you want to go with me? Yes. We come out scarred. Yeah. Like you can't shower for the day. So I remember I woke up today and I was like, it's Tana day. Okay. I'm going to shower. I woke, I was supposed to wake up at eight. I woke up a little later. I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Woke up, wash my hair, shave my face and shaved my parts yesterday. And I was like, okay, time to go to laser. I'm sitting in the car to laser. And I get there and I'm like, hello. Like, it's like, it's like pitch black in there. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? It was like,

30 minutes away and I was like oh it's fucking Memorial Day okay but like what are the presidents and the memorial and everything have to do with lasering balls I think we should still be lasering balls on Memorial Day agreed and I was and I look back on my text and they were like we're closed on Memorial Day and I was like got it so I'm gonna cancel tomorrow that's what George Washington would want he would laser if Memorial Day is not President's Day Tana pick up a book what's Memorial Day you guys

Fuck rats. You know what? I'm at the point in my life where it's fine if we don't know these things. Do we even need to know these things? Do we need to know? It's fun to learn. It's so fun to learn. I'm in my history era, I keep saying.

I watched like a show the other day and I was like, ooh. And then I, it was like, it was like something about North Korea. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. I'll send you it. It was the most insane thing I've ever seen. The way I would need that explained to me though in like diva girl pop girly pop like verbiage. I was like, girl, they gotta go. We are, that's what we're missing. Yeah. But like, oh my, if someone could teach me everything in like Slay Mama the House Down Boots like terminology. If we did that together on a podcast.

I'm going to have five podcasts by the end of summer. If we had like a drunk history, but just you and me just for that. And it was every episode was a different thing. And I'm like, okay, so then they had to leave. That's what I'm saying. Like the Irish exited. Yeah. The Irish exited, but literally cause they were in Ireland and it was the famine and they were hungry. Like,

I would do anything in the world. And I would learn so much. We would learn because I don't know anything. I always, my best friend Hunter, like whenever anything serious is happening, I call him and I'm like, can you explain this to me? Is he smart? For dummies. Yeah. And he just like, he knows how stupid I am. You know what I mean? So he knows how to like. Well, in those regards. Right. I guess. Okay. Not I guess. Yep. In those regards. Yeah. What's your star side? I am a triple cancer.

Whoa. So you know yourself, by the way. I'm so depressed. I act like it's my birthday. Every day. That means when you have your sun is your cancer, but when you're rising and your moon is the same, it means the way other people see you is how you see yourself. So you're really self-aware. I also could be lying, but I'm pretty sure that's what it means. Louisa, am I lying? Do you remember what the... Okay. Just making sure.

It is. I'm so cripplingly self-aware, and I talk about it all the time because it's the biggest blessing and curse. Like, even when I, like, do something so embarrassing, like, watching everyone, like, make fun of me for, like, Team Bryce on God. Like, I was like, you're so right. Like, more. When you first saw that, were you like, f***? So badly. No, I actually, I just pretended it, like, wasn't real for a couple weeks, and then I was like, oh, no, it's, like, super real. Like, I remember that. And then I could get on board. I just had to be like, f***.

For like a week and a half and then I was like, okay. Was Paige there for that? No. Was it when I just

Really? I think. Yeah. And that's what I was, everyone thought I was hammered and I was sober. So even sitting with that was a bigger, ah, like that was just me being me. But doesn't it feel amazing that now you're in internet history and like in those videos that are like pop culture moments that like keep me up at night. Every time I'm watching one of those and I see myself, I'm just like, God damn it. Not interested. Wait, no, I would feel so good. Those videos are my favorite videos in the world where they're like, Kendall Jenner, who's your alter ego? She's like, Tupac Shakur. Yeah.

You're right. It is like iconic. And like Trish is in them when they're like, uh, when rare beauty, did she name her rare disease? Like, do you know what I mean? Like those videos save my life. Oh, I'm just so fucking in love with you because of everything you just said. Like, I just love a chronically online, like, but funny, like you're, uh,

I love you. I love you so much. This is making me want to do this with you like once a week. I would do it all the time whenever you want. I do love this environment too. Like we're riffing. We're eating. We're eating. Like we are and I know it. I was just thinking, I was just in my head like, Louise, tell me I did a good job after today. Because I left the edge here and when we get in the car and it's dead silent and she goes,

And I go, what? Isn't that the worst? She goes, you need to stop cutting people off. And she looks at me and goes, it's fucking Ed Sheeran. And you're sitting there and you're cutting him off. And I'm like, I really don't think I cut him off that much. And I watch back and it's like, yeah. So I'm like, yeah, okay, great. It's so nice to have someone else like that though who is like self-aware and will tell you your shit. It makes you so much better. Like, I don't know what I would do without Paige if I didn't get in the car and she was like, stupid, stupid, stupid. Yeah.

Like, isn't that the worst though when you're shooting a podcast and afterwards like all the lights shut off, like everyone starts to go home. No one said good job. And like the SpongeBob like, like music starts to play. This is the best therapist episode literally ever. I'm in love with this. I've been wanting to go on so bad. I know. And I knew, and I was going to get like something. And then I was like, fuck it. Like, fuck it. Let's just fucking do it. I think it's better like that though. I really do. Like, it's just, I love to just talk shit and giggle. Oh my God.

It's so fucking obsessed with you. I am obsessed with you. But you don't, you just really don't understand. Like I'm so creepily obsessed. You're the only person that makes me feel as good about myself. Like when I leave hanging out with you, I'm like, I feel so good about myself. Because I just love people too who like aren't doing it.

You don't do shit at like, I was just saying this to my friend today. Like my favorite type of person is someone who's not doing something for like the masses to get like, I love it. If you get it, you get it ass bitch. I'm like, I get it. Yeah. And I love you for that. Like, it's just, it's so good. I don't know how this should I post. I'm like, I feel like some people aren't going to get this, but like, who cares? I'm like, for who does they'll laugh with me. I'm like, that's the most lit way to do shit. And I just, I'm in love with you. Um,

I'm always bitching about this, so it doesn't count, but it's just... So I'm leaving for, like, tour, and I leave tonight, actually. I got to get on this bus, and I've just been, like, writing the shows and doing so fucking much for this. Everything. Just working, like, crazy, you know? And my biggest fucking pet peeve in the entire world, I have a tier list to this, okay, is when...

Like a meeting could have been a call. A call could have been an email. An email could have been a text and a text could have been a thought that you kept to yourself. Like the amount of people with just the audacity, like we need to have a meeting and you show up and you're like, that could have been a 40 second call or like someone texts me and it's like, you literally could have like been pissing and thought that and just moved on. You didn't need to reach out to me. Like just the amount of fuck,

I sound like such a cunt. But like, the time wasters of it all is what I'm always therapist about, especially when I have no fucking time. And to play off of that, what bothers me even more is when someone will send you something negative about you online and be like, ah, did you see this? Yeah, I did see it actually. Thank you. It's,

I've never ever understood that. It's like, who do you think you're helping here? Like, no one. And it's like, I think that people just want to feel close. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry. Yeah, and it's like. It's like, I don't want to talk about it. Wait, sorry. This, I hate when there's a fucking viewfinder. I know. Because I'm so plagued by it. Do you want me to turn it off? No, because like, I love me. Okay, yeah. Like, it's just like, I can't stop looking. Like, I need to know everything. Like, every little, you know. You know who else did the same thing was CharlieXCX.

So you guys are- Kind of iconic, kind of cunt. I want to do something with her. You have to. I need to. You have to. I reached out. We'll see. You will. You will. I feel like you've had so many projects throughout your entire career. Fuck.

What? Projects is just such a nice word for like mania. No, no, this is a perfect example. I go to Tana's house for the first time. I'm like, how's Tana best? Like, she looks at me. She goes, oh, sweetie. She goes, the weed business isn't for me. Brooke and I just did a whole bit on canceled. It hasn't like come. It's like an episode that's coming out later. But we were talking about just my projects. Like now I'm.

Now my first thought is like, okay, am I gonna want to be doing this in a year or five years or whatever? But like, we were talking about this one that I was going to do Tana's tacos. Wow.

don't mean like this was just a thought. I mean, I was going to these kitchens every week and trying a full menu and leaving notes on everything. It was hot Cheetos were in every single item on the menu. I'm not fucking kidding you at all. Like it was the people who did Mr. Beast Burger and I was like, it's going to be everywhere. And I'll never forget. I had to scrap it because I finally like here I am thinking that my new thing is going to be culinary art, right? And

And I get to the point where I have now curated my menu. And mind you, it's like hot Cheetos on pickles in a taco. No one's eating it but you bubble guts, okay? And I bring it to all my friends. And mind you, I'm filming this. I'm sorry.

I'm filming this for a documentary on Tana's tacos. That's going to get six views. What do you mean? I'm filming it and I make all my friends try these fucking tacos. And the next day, mind you, this was at the time where I lived with all of them, my 17 roommates. The next day, every single person was glued to a toilet, gripping the walls like no other. Like I gave everyone like the sweats and food poisoning. I had to scrap it.

Obviously, after just like a year of work, same shit with cannabis. Does that hurt? And the indigestion from the taco itself. Yes, it was. Yeah.

But I also just had a lot of faulty management, I think, that looked at me as a cash cow. And so I would be like 19 on mushrooms with a manic idea. And then all of a sudden we're like doing it. Doing it. But like doing it D-H-G-H-E inversion, whatever it was, you know, and it's like.

just wild like to think about like now I'm happy that I'm in a place where I think it through and I have a team of people who think things through but and you know what you can fucking tell like you're you sold out the Greek like for a podcast I love you I love you when Brooke told me that we were like I saw her and she was like yeah we sold out the Greek apparently it's like a huge deal I was like

I think she might have had her tables twisted. We're doing the Greek, but we were selling out rooms similar in size. So it's like... Trust me, you will sell out the Greek. Which is nuts. No, she didn't say sold out. Sorry. She said you were doing the Greek. Yeah. I took sold out just because you sell out everything. It is wild that like this tour, we have like five more shows left and then we're done with it. And like, we'll have done like 60 sold out shows everywhere. Like I'm just... And you're killing it too. It's great. I really take after you. So thank you. But...

Diva, please. Diva, seriously. DS. Nintendo. DSI. Diva is seriously intense. See, that's why I love you too is like if I said that to anyone else, like Diva, seriously, they'd be like, you know what I mean? Like you'll add on to a bit. It's brain rot. Oh my God. And it's so good. It's so good. I think it really took a uptick after COVID where everyone was like, wait, maybe this is funny.

- I agree. Like were we all just bored in our houses? 'Cause like, I feel you. - Well, no, it was like you were ahead of it. Sorry, I just cut you off. Oh my God. - I swear I haven't noticed one time and I like it. - Okay. - But that's 'cause I'm ADHD, so it like feeds me. - Right. - I love it. - Yes, okay, amazing.

But during COVID, everyone was on their phone. So it felt like the people that didn't get brain rot before kind of came into it and were like, oh, this is kind of cool. And now it's like a thing. I 100% agree. I just, I really do love it. But at what point is it too far? Because I saw this TikTok the other day just about like speaking in brain rot. And I really am walking around all day like diva diva boots. Seriously, like what TikTok sound am I stimming? Like right now it's been brother. And I can't stop.

And Britney Spears, you found me. What is that? Have you seen the girl who pretends to be Britney Spears and she's in the mall and you find her in the clothing rack and she goes, you found me. No.

Wait, can we make a TikTok to that after this? Yes. Please. I have to give credit to Trevi Moran for that one. Oh, I love her. You would love Trevi so much. I saw Trevi singing along at Lana and I was like, oh, she gets it. She's just like the most talented person I've ever met and the funniest, quick-witted person. Like every single day she has me like

like she silences me. Right. Like where I'm like, how the fuck did you just think that fast to make that joke? It's so nuts. It's because, I don't know. How long have you guys known each other for? Oh my God. Like coming up on 10 years. Wow. She was my first friend in LA and-

I always, I watched Trevi when she was in her like O2L, like OG YouTube era and was like a fan. And then we met and we were the same age and everyone else kind of like the Shane Dawson and the Jeffree Star and all everyone else kind of coming up at that time was like older than. Right. So we were like going out to all the Hollywood. Right. Shit together. Right. And she would let me sleep on her couch before I ever lived in LA. It's just crazy. She was, I've been writing my book and I've.

I'm so excited to tell you all about it. Wait, I want to hear about it. But Trevi was like, you know, I met your parents like 15 times before you fully like fell out with them. And I don't remember a lot of my life. Right. I was like, it's so crazy. Like...

How long you've been around for and how much you remember. It's really sweet. Doesn't it feel good to have people like that? So good. Because first of all, I'm like filling the blanks. Right. I don't remember anything. But like they know you. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. 100%. Because they remember shit that you don't remember. Yeah. So when you're reacting a certain way to something, they'll be like, well, you're reacting this way because of this. And you're like, oh my God, I didn't even think about that. And it's so nice to have friends. Like to me, it's like if we're going to be close for a long time, you're going to be

It's got to be so open and honest. And like, you know, if you can take the heat stand in the kitchen, we've got to be able to give it back to each other and whatever. And it's nice to have those friends who kind of read you to filth like that, but in like a caring way. Always. Yeah. You need those people. Yeah. Or else you're just surrounded by yes people and then what happens? And that's so scary. That's like one thing about me is I always want to keep my circle like the way it is. Like people that I've been close with forever. You've had them forever. Yeah. And it's so nice. It is nice. Like they're...

I mean, just with the way I was brought up and raised, I learned at a very young age that family just, for me at least, isn't blood. And my friends are my fucking family. There's nothing more important than chosen family. Nothing. I agree. You know, there really isn't. When you feel like...

I totally understand, obviously, blood is blood, but, like, when you both choose each other and you're like, we're in it for life. And actively continue to choose each other. Even when it's not easy and... You know what I mean? Like, I think that's a beautiful thing. It is. Because it's like, we're friends. We could walk away. We're not tied by blood, but...

living with that family mindset. Right. You know, still actively choosing someone. You know what the blood version of chosen family is? What? You know too much about me. I know too much about you. Like we're stuck. 100%. That's so real. That is so fucking real. Oh my God. I always think about that. And that's blood. Yes.

And we're over sharers by like nature too. So it's like, you know, too much. Too much. Yeah. Whenever Tanya and I see each other, we're like always ask each other about the. But it's everything to me. It really fucking is. I love you. I love you so much. I really love you. I really. I'm having like so much fun right now. Like. You're just my favorite. You just. I love you so much. It's going to be so many of the I love you kind of. This is a good hug. I do. You do. I'm a Scorpio.

I don't know a lot about astrology. I used to always like pretend to know a lot when I wanted to hook up with a girl, you know? Yeah. I'm trying to learn more though. Cause I'm starting to just like, I am such a cancer. It means you're, you know, it's so interesting that you're a cancer because cancers normally wouldn't do what you did. You like, you left, you left home, you came here, you started a career. Cancers are very homebodies. Yeah.

They're very homebodies. They're very homesick. They vary very much. But you kind of, what you did is you brought your home with you. Oh my, the goosebumps. Did you see that? That's so crazy because that's so true. Like to me, home has always been a feeling, not a place. And like-

And I am homesick in that way, in like a metaphoric and a feeling way always. Like, that's so interesting. I am on the cusp of a Gemini, so maybe that's why I'm like a kind of. Well, that's why you can talk to people. Oh. Yeah. I said, mm-hmm, I didn't know that. No, yeah, Geminis are really good at talking to people. I'm Gemini rising, Gemini moon. I do love Geminis.

which says a lot about me, but like, I just, I don't know. Yeah. Keep you on your toes. They do. You know? Should we get into the tell me what's wrongs? What's the tell me what's wrongs? You know the tell me what's wrongs. Would they tell us what the pussies, write in and tell us what's wrong? We prescribe them? Oh my God, I'm so excited to prescribe the pussies. I do know, I'm sorry. No, no, don't apologize. I had to explain this to someone the other day and they were like-

what? And I was, nevermind. It was just that. Do you know when you, sometimes you start talking and then halfway through the sentence, you're like, I don't want to finish the sentence. Always, always. We always do that to each other. I'm like, and then we should just, we just constantly hit like the, and it's, it's great. It's a sentence. All right. Understood. Yeah. Understood. End of sentence. Okay.

I don't want this to end. It's not. We just begun. We just hit the tummy. What's wrong? Oh my God. Okay. I thought this was like the ending thing and I was like, no, we can't do that. Wait, no. This goes on for like another 30, 40 an hour. Oh, well, this is just going to be an extra long episode.

Three minutes. I really do want to start our history podcast. I would do it. I would any, if you told me tomorrow, like what, literally that you wanted to walk across the country, like Mike Posner and film it. Like I'd walk across the country with you. I wouldn't do that with anyone else. What should we do? Like, I want to do something like really, like, should we go to Antarctica? Yes. Yes.

Oh my God, yes. Me just wanting to like leave LA. Like see the penguins. Ooh, diva down. Like, oh, the ice caps melting. Fuck. Like slay tuxedo kings. Yeah, slay. Oh, they must be hot. Yeah. Oh my God. That would be funny if we like simple lifed it up, kind of. You know what I mean? Yes. I'm so...

I will do anything with you. Anytime you want. Okay. You know, reach out to Alexander23 and if he says no, like I'm there. I hate when you say that. You don't like, it's what Tana says. These things, it's like, do you not like see the numbers next to your name? I love you so much. Do you know what I mean? I love you. I swear it's all people just confused hate watching though. No, Tana, it's not. If we were confused hate watching, you wouldn't be a top podcast. You wouldn't be selling out shows across the country. You're so sweet. I love you. I'm not sweet. I'm stating facts.

It's so funny, too, because I always do this to other people. And, like, I get so... Like, my boyfriend's so like that. I'll be like, babe, you're literally the most beautiful person I've ever seen. He's like... He is one of the most beautiful people. He's like, you're just gassing me. And I'm like...

I don't even want to say it anymore. Like, no, it's a fact. Yeah. Like. He's. I remember the first time I met him, I was like, oh. You're like, right. It's scary. And then he's so golden retriever that it's like, it makes it okay. He's perfect. He's so perfect. I love him. I miss him. I'm like becoming so codependent. Really? Like, it's so bad. I just left Hawaii a couple of days ago and we were both crying in the airport. Like, like I was going to war. Like I was going to Antarctica and it's like, I'm going to see you in 14 days. You're just going to the therapist.

his office. Yeah. Not kidding. Like, at all. It was cute on the phone. I was like, I'm going to film with Jake Shane. He was so excited for me because he knows how much I love you. Oh, tell him I love him. I love him. I know he's the best. He's been nothing. He's one of those people where it's like, every time I've met you, you've been nothing but so nice. He's just like, he doesn't have a, and it's not like fleeting surface level nice, which I hate. Like, it's, he's genuinely so inherently good, like down to the core. And it's like, just,

I love him. He's the best. You've lucked out. Healthy relationship is such a slay. I feel so lucky. I do. I had to outsource. That was the thing. Stop dating in LA. How'd you meet him? In Hawaii. Stop. He's straight Makoa and I have a gay bestie, gay Makoa. I only knew one, that one, gay Makoa. And he introduced us when I was just, it's funny because I was,

I went to Hawaii because I always go there to like find peace and clarity and I was just burnt out and like a mess. Right. And then I met him and Gabe McCullough broke my toe and then straight McCullough was like carrying me around and like icing my bloody toe and I was like, he's never going to fuck me. Like my toe is bleeding everywhere. It's in a cup of ice water. He just met me like. And you fucked. It ended up working out. Not kidding. I love him. He's the best.

Jake, I am 40 years old and I've never had a boyfriend before. Wow. Did future me write this? My friends tell me I come on way too strong and it turns guys off. What should I do to actively tone it down? Thanks. Love, Monique. I know someone like this and I always feared they're going to die alone. Holy shit.

Monique. Not Monique. Not Monique. I've never met a Monique that I didn't like, by the way. Hi, Monique. I love a Monique. That was my high school best friend's name. Wow. It's hard because it's like, it shouldn't be that way. You know what I mean? Like, you don't want to be with somebody that you feel like you have to make yourself smaller for. Like, my immediate advice to her is like, don't change anything. You deserve someone who sees you for all of you and loves you for that person.

But at what age do we get to where we do have to self-reflect and be like, okay, what am I maybe doing? Right.

That's like not turning down your personality, but maybe like dialing in on some of the toxic things. Yeah. Or it's like I often feel like people get in these patterns where they're like, I've never had a boyfriend or I've never this. So they convince themselves that they're never going to and like project that and like end things before they start and like sabotage things to like stay with what they're comfortable with. You know, that's what I do.

I just have attachment issues. Like, I can't. Are you avoidant? So avoidant. I like, not with friends. With friends, I'm like, we're together forever and whatever. But when it's like, when it gets to the point, like, I just, I feel very uncomfortable with like, when you're in a relationship, like that person has to know you so personal and so deeply. And I just don't, I don't know. But I would prescribe to Monique two things. Liability by Lorde. Okay.

Maybe will they hurt me crying in a taxi? They will. Like, oh my, it's the best song ever. It's the best song ever. And I'm going to prescribe the 40-year-old version. I'm going to prescribe, is it prescribed? Yeah. Obviously it's prescribed. Why would I even ask that? Literally so embarrassing. I would prescribe a quarter Xanax. Okay. And Hinge. Hinge.

were you ever on hinge oh my god yeah i had a hinge boyfriend really like i had a hinge boyfriend i've never had a hinge boyfriend i've had hinge dates but never a hinge boyfriend i was like really hinging it up for a while because i was like i wanted to date in l.a but i felt like the circle yeah that i'm in in the scene i'm in i just couldn't find what i was looking for i wanted someone who was from a completely different like world inside of l.a

It's... Like, when people are like, I got married from Hinge, I'm always like, how? How? Like, I think it's like you can go on the dates, maybe have a little boyfriend here and there, but it's hard. It's like, I was dating this guy for like a couple months, and he was super, super fucking hot. And like, it was cute, but like, we were just so different. And then after a while, it was like, I don't know you from Adam or Eve. Right. And like, I guess it's like you could meet someone organically and feel that way, but it's just different. I...

It hits so different meeting someone organically. And it sucks to say because it's so hard for me to meet people organically. But when I'm at a bar and, like, I'm flirting with someone, like... It's every day. It just happened to me twice in my life. It feels amazing. I completely, completely understand. Just because it's, like... Like, the tension all night. It feels like a movie. It feels like a movie. It feels like the digital era does ruin so much of, like, things. Because we're...

Things being romantic directly goes against things being, like, pre-planned and, like, digitally selected and, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's all about spontaneity. Yeah. And, like, hinge. And fate, I guess. And, yeah. But it's, like, I get so much social anxiety. I never used to get social anxiety in L.A., but, like.

I don't know if you experienced this. I so prefer going out in New York to L.A. Like, I have so much more fun in New York. Like, I feel... There's the gay scene's better. Everything's better in L.A. It's so, like... You know what I've always said about the difference in New York and L.A.? Because I wanted to move to New York for a long time. I remember this. I love New York City so much. Well, in L.A., everyone cares so much about what everyone else is doing. They're walking on the street, and they're looking at your outfit, and they're scanning you, and they want to know what you do for a living and what car you drive, and even just...

further than social bias is just everything your life and if you're succeeding in your numbers and in new york no one could give a fuck less what you're doing thinking wearing being like it's just like do you i'm gonna do me and that creates for such a freer environment it's just like it's so much more like it's just less judgy it's more like i always say like concerts in la i don't know if you experience this with crowds in la but concerts in la like

That's what kind of sucks about Coachella. Like, I remember I was at Phoebe Bridgers, and I was, and I never cried. And I just heard, like, sometimes music just really gets me. I'm the same way. She played the first, and I just wasn't expecting, oh, my God, I have chills thinking about it, the first few strings of motion sickness, and I just remember, like, bursting out into tears. And everyone's in the crowd, like. I, like, turned to my right, and I sat like, like.

It was just the perfect person. And I was like... Like, that was the perfect... Like, you couldn't write that with a blank filled better. And I was like, I hate it here. Fuck. And Brett was like... No, I completely understand. It's like corny in LA to like... Care. Feel and care and whatever. It's because it's the... Every... This is LA's problem. It's...

The problem when you care, everyone will just be like, oh, you're faking it. Trying too hard. You're faking it. You're trying too hard. No, I'm just being, like, I'm just living. I'm feeling, living, being. You're suppressing that. Yeah, you're suppressing that. And, like, that's caring way more, in my opinion. It is. Like, which I couldn't agree more. I literally couldn't agree more. I'm so over Coachella for that reason. Me too. I'm over it. I pray every year it's my last one. I say, I think this might have been my last. It won't.

My goal is to like go back with a kid one day. Yeah. Like a toddler and like get to see it through their eyes. Oh dude, little, but not too young. Cause then I'm like, why the fuck did you bring your baby? Five and six and they have the headphones on their dad's shoulders. It's so sweet. That's what I'm saying. And just seeing it through like a kid's eyes or like an innocent, unjaded Los Angeles fucks.

that's one thing I love about being with Makoa too is like seeing someone who's like so not from LA and like getting to like even Coachella with him was so nice because all he cared about was the music yes didn't give a fuck what he was wearing or what anything it was just like

God, we're so awful. We're so awful. That's why I want to go to like, and it's just funny because you see like the videos of these people and the crowds and everyone's like, why did the crowd suck so bad? Like Coachella did it. I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand. This is every concert in LA. This is what you will experience. The only crowd I have not experienced that within LA. Who do you think? Taylor Swift. Because Taylor came and she was like,

I don't care what, like you're, no one's going to do this with me. No one's going to do this with me. Like I'm showing up, I'm shutting down your city. I'm doing six nights. You're going to scream at the top of your lungs. You know, every fucking lyric. And if you don't get the fuck out. Well, and it's, she just creates an environment that's so like nonjudgmental and welcoming and opening. And like, it's, it's so hard to find.

It really is. So happy you're a Swifty now. It like really like, I don't, I need to, I feel like I still need like a Jake Shane masterclass to fully rep the title. Like, I feel like you really can't be like, I'm a Swifty and just like not only know the like surface this, you know, but like you, I love her. Have you seen her documentary on Netflix?

No. Tina! Oh my God. I'm going to come over. We're going to watch it. Please? But you can't just say things like that. No, no. I mean it. I mean it. We are going to watch it. It's called Miss Americana. I know every lyric. She starts off playing the piano. Her cat touches the piano. And then, do you know what I'm talking about? And then she's like, these are the journals I had when I was a kid. My dream.

My reality. My the. She's just such a romanticizer too and like everything is so beautiful. And it worked. It's so crazy. It is. Yes, I need to do more. I've been like with tortured poets I've done the most. I know everything about everything. It's like my favorite. The smallest man who ever lived changed my life. I was about to say that's my hyper fixation song at the moment. It's

So bad. How much... Like, I'm really bad about hyperfixation with music. Really bad. Me too. Like, six-hour flight, it's one song. Right. On loop the entire time. Like, all week, it's one song. Like, in the car, if my dream is, like, for driving an hour, one song. One song. Like, and it's the greatest song ever. It is amazing. You know what the best part about... And this is what... I think this is...

Taylor Swift's power and also sometimes what people like tear her down about but what they don't understand is like not all of these songs are about her life and that's why she doesn't do interviews anymore because it's like some of these songs are inspired from her life some are it like for example like you listen to like

guilty as sin and you're like, okay, well that's about, that's about. I'm like, but what if it's not? Like, what if it's just like, she's an artist and she's a writer and she's openly said that she takes these titles and she uses them as creative writing prompts. So she took the title of Midnights when she would release Midnights and she was like, okay, I'm going to write songs based on Midnights. And like, you know, when she came up with 1989, she woke, she, the story is crazy. She lost the Grammys. She lost the Grammy of album of the year to red. And she woke up in the middle of the night

And said, my next album is called 1989. I'm cutting my hair. I'm doing a pop rebrand. And the rest is history. See, and then it's just like, what type of brain do you have to have to do that? To wake up in the middle of the night and just... She's like... Like, that within itself to me is why she's like a genius. She's genius. Like, no one else could ever. No one else could ever. Like...

Any other artist, if they did that, like, I woke up in the middle of the night and I titled my album this, like, it would just be the most manic, schizo shit. Yeah. It'd be awful. It'd be awful. Okay. Gotta rephrase that. No, no. You know what? Whatever you want to cut, you know. By the way, I think that is podcast etiquette, by the way. I was invited on a podcast once and they were like, you don't get final approval. And I was like, so I'm not doing it? Like.

I couldn't agree more. People always think canceled is going to be that way. Like I have to tell people like, no, you can cut anything. And I'm like, what do you mean? Really? Like what kind of fucked up death trap is it to have someone on something and then be like anything you said, I'm going to put out there forever and it's going to alter your reputation forever. Even if you don't want it. It's just evil because it's like you're inviting people to be in like this very vulnerable space and being vulnerable. And then it's like, okay, if you don't want something, you don't want something. Sorry, Monique. We kind of got off topic. Yeah.

She's like watching the 40-year-old virgin barred out right now crying. Yeah, because what did we prescribe? Half a Xanax, the 40-year-old virgin, and Liability. All those three things happening at once. It's just like, they say you're a little much for me. Like, watching the 40-year-old virgin. On the inch, swiping. Why was that me all of like 2020, though? No, exactly. Oh my God. Liability is the best song ever. That album. When I got arrested at Coachella, I'll never ever forget. I, um...

Oh, it might have been green light. So I'm just lying. But I like got out like they took me out of the handcuffs. My glitter tears were like fucked up from like actually crying. And like Lorde was performing and she was singing liability or green light. I can't remember. And I walked out and I was like, I'm in a movie. You are. You should frame that mugshot. It's on pillows. It's on things. It's definitely I want a new one, but I don't want a new one. I'm just forever angry that real mugshots make you take your ears out.

What do you mean? Like I was sitting there voguing for my mugshot, right? I'm mewing. Yeah. In the moment, were you like upset or were you like, okay, this is kind of cunt? I was just on Molly and like scared. Afterwards, I was like, this is cunt. Yeah. In the moment, I was like, I don't know. And Coachella jail is a weird place. You don't want to go. And they were like, take your ears out. And I was like, that's literally so lame. Yeah. Like, well, I don't want to dumbo it up in this mugshot. Yeah. I don't know. Just a thought. Judicial system.

I want to have a threesome with my boyfriend's best friend and his girlfriend. Wait, hold on. I want to have a threesome with my boyfriend's best friend and his, so not your boyfriend. That's a foursome. Yeah. Or is it with my, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. So her boyfriend's not in the equation. I want to have a threesome with my boyfriend's best friend and his girlfriend. His best friend wants to do it, but I fear my boyfriend will be jealous of me. Should I do it? Yeah.

Like she, her boyfriend's not a part of it. Like she just wants to like fuck his, his best friend and the best friend's girlfriend. I think so. But still like just the boyfriend's best friend and his boy and the boyfriend of the best friend. Like I don't think. Just do it. I can't. Getting overwhelmed by that is so funny. It really like that was, that was like a math equation. Carry the four, subtract the two. I couldn't. Yeah. It's. Just do it.

Yeah, I mean, you're probably going to get left. Yeah. But like, I mean, if you want to do that so bad, like maybe you don't want to be with your boyfriend that bad. I'm so depressed. I act like it's my birthday every day. Why did I just say it like that every day? Have you seen Baby Reindeer? Yes. Sorry, you were getting more so with that. Every day. Every day. That's not what she sounds like at all. She's like, can I have a Coke? That show is fucked up.

You know that the main character. It's real. It's real. Yeah, it all really happened to him and then he chose to act it out. It's so, and then she went on Piers Morgan, which I just found so gross. It's not funny. It's not funny. Ha ha, it's funny and weird. That's why I'm laughing. But it's like, I just, I'm like, ugh, I don't want to watch this. I feel disloyal to Richard Gad. You know what I mean? Yes, 100%. And it's like,

It's so crazy that people live with like the she thought she ate disorder. You know what I mean? Martha was like, you know Martha left Piers Morgan. Everyone knows I'm not a stalker. Like no. You didn't do what you think you did. It's just funny because no one was like maybe it's her, maybe it's not her and it would have died out there and then she's like

You know what? Like, I'm going to set the record straight. And like, just completely like. Ruined it. Backfired. Like, it's like, you are clearly. I mean, the bitch. Everything. She looks like her. Yeah, it's. They casted it so. Like, too good. Too good. Honestly, too good. Too good. To the point where, you know, when they cast something too good, where it's like, you can never play anyone ever again because you were so good at that. Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. What did we prescribe? Oh, do the threesome. Yeah.

Maybe leave your man. Yeah, maybe that. I don't know. Because I just, yeah. Anytime I've ever wanted some shit like that, but I'm dating someone, it's like, you don't like the person you're dating. I need to date someone. I have this friend that only talks about men. Like seriously, we're 22 and she only talks about who wants her and who wants to have sex with, who she wants to have sex with and makes it like some sort of base your worth off this. I've been noticing it so much recently and I don't know how to tell her. I don't want to hang out because that's all she talks about.

Okay. Well, you are 22. That's true. I don't know about you. But I am feeling 22. Yeah, that's true. You are like at 22, that's just so common. And good for you for being like ahead of the curve. It's hard. I have a lot of friends like that too. And it's like exhausting. Yeah. But I like it in certain capacities. Like for me, it's just like I have friends like that, but then I need other people to like –

Right. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like this person, it just sounds like, I'm not saying end your whole friendship or even call. I feel like you can't call someone out on that because they're just going to keep doing it. Yeah. Or it's just going to be like a weird fight, but you just need someone to like mentally satisfy you as well. Like some, I'm prescribing new, other new friends, new friends always. But I just like, don't leave the friend. Just,

new friends. And then if the friend wants to be like, why are you a little distant? Then you can bring it up. Yeah. And it's like, then maybe like when you do have a love life, little trial and tribulation, you go to that friend. Right. You guys can just different friends for different things sometimes. 100%. And maybe that friend isn't your chosen family. If you're this frustrated about it. 100%. Yeah. That is always tough where it's like, Oh my God. Like, you know what I mean? Waiters like still are sparkling and she's like, Steven loves sparkling. And it's like, Oh my God, you know,

And Steven wants to fuck me. Yeah. And it's like, we got it. Yes. What am I going to prescribe for that? It's giving Stanley Cup to me. It's giving Stanley Cup? Elaborate. I don't know. Like, just like that type of girl. Like, get her a Stanley Cup. Yeah. Like,

You know what I mean? I don't know. I'm hyper fixated on Stanley cups right now. Cause they're, they're just so funny for it to be this socially normalized and all these bitches look like they're carrying a blender around. It's so funny to me. And like, like how the one, like the car, like someone's car caught on fire, but then the Stanley cup didn't know it. Yes. And then bought the person a new car. That's marketing. That's a black mirror episode. That's black mirror. And that is marketing. Is that not nuts? I just, I can't write. I don't know.

Stanley man. But then like Kylie and Stassi just filmed a video and like they had their Stanley cup. The Stanley cup where they went in and out. Yeah, and I was like, there's no way Kylie Jenner has a Stanley cup. Like if that's the case, like we can't. We can't go on. Like we can't bash that. I found the most insane invention yesterday. My friend found it and I was like, is this real? Okay, you ready for this? When you're on an airplane, you plug it into the, you plug it into the headphone thing, turn it on, Bluetooth to the airplane TV.

What do you mean? It's like a little adapter. So you know how you always have to ask the airplane for headphones so you can watch the movies? Uh-huh. No, no, not anymore. It's called AirFly or iFly. You plug it in to like the little thing. Oh, and you have Bluetooth headphones. And you like your AirPods connect to the little adapter in every movie. You don't need airport headphones anymore. And it stops feeling like there's like hard chewing gum in your ears. Yes, yes.

I love like all of these like in-flight inventions. Like I'm hoping in 10 years, it's like an inflatable like bed in your one, like 25 B seat. What's the nicest thing?

I mean, like, what's the night? Like, I'm just, like, curious because I feel like you've flown a million places and done a million things. Like, I've always wanted to try, like, Singapore Air first class or, like, what's the craziest flying experience you've had? You know what I am going to say? Hot take, okay? And I really need to stop. Like, Tana's here, not Zanna. But if you take a fucking quarter bar, a Spirit Airlines middle seat feels like Emirates. I'm kidding. I don't know. I had a really, like...

seriously bad obsession with flying private for a long time. Yeah. Like I was Taylor. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, you don't have it like that. And I've jaded myself so bad that now I like, and it's like, who do you think you are? Jeff Bezos, Tana? Like, I just, I don't understand. I'm trying to think of. Have you ever flown Emirates? I don't think so. I haven't. Maybe. I just want to speak to someone who has. I just want to speak. Get Casey Neistat on.

Who is that? I love you. No, that's it. That's the whole conversation. Okay. Just so you don't, yeah. Okay. Do you know who that is? That is actually really fucking crazy that you don't know Casey. Who is Casey Neistat? What? It is like, but like the, he was the like,

Oh, God. Cut. No, no, not even cut because it's like it's camp that you don't like it. It's not cut. Like you don't need to know who every single person ever is. I was just very into like growing up. I was very into I don't know. Like I was always such a big music guy. So I was always knowing all like the artists and like I was I was always so into traditional media. And then like the intro I had to digital media was you and Emma.

Like those were the two people that like intro to me, digital media. It's true. Like I remember being like, okay, like YouTube, YouTube, Tana Mongeau. Oh, crazy. It's why? I don't know. It's like whenever, like even when my fans are like, you raised me, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I watched you. There was one thing you did once. It was my favorite video you've ever posted to this day.

You're getting ready for a party at the Team 10 house, and it is the most chaotic get ready with me I've ever seen in my entire life. You're like, fuck, I have to go. Do you remember this? You're like, it's like a chaos. I think I remember this. And it's like a 20 minute get ready with me, and you're just throwing shit on your face. And like, you get to this party, and there's like a bouncy castle, and you're like, why the fuck am I here?

I hear it. That era was just so funny to me. It was like, like living in that house was unlike anything in the world. What was it like? Sometimes it was like so calm, eerie, calm, and it was cunt. Like I loved it. Like I'd have like my long robe on and it's like, cause it was the biggest house in the world. And like no YouTuber was buying like $10 million mansions. And I loved it.

And Jake just was the type of person that had like a hundred people working for him at all times. So then I just got to walk around and like boss everyone around. I'm like, no, I wasn't paying them. He was, you know, like that type of stuff was really fun. Like I just, it was diva. But then it would be like, I would just walk in one day and there's like a cow in the foyer. And it's like, why? You know what I mean? And like seven, whose kids, like whose. Whose children were at the Team 10 house? Their kids.

There were two kids that were always there. Jake had this bit that was like mini Jake. Oh, no. And his real name was Titus, and he had a little sister, Riot, and I was just always watching them. They were so cute. Were you like one of eight? I'm not kidding. It was like, oh, I don't even know. What a time. Yeah. That's funny that that's like what?

Like, that's the video. Oh, we got a caller. We have a caller? We have a caller. Hey, one of our friends is secretly hooking up with our best friend's brother, and we know, but we don't want to ruin the friend group by telling her. Help call us. She's hooking up with what? Let me see the card. I said it's Jake and Tana. Okay, can we talk about this really quick, though? Yeah.

I don't get why when bitches get mad when, like, someone's hooking up with their brother. Right. Like, I had a friend, like, do this to me. I didn't hook up with her brother, but everyone was accusing me. Uh-huh. And, like, she was all, like, freaking out. And I was like, well, do you want your own brother? Do you want your own brother? Like, do you know what I mean? Sometimes they do. Sometimes they do. And it's weird. But it's like, why are you, like, who cares, right? Hello. No, Anna. Answer the phone. She responded. What? You want me to stop? No.

No, but something about you just blowing her up is iconic. Like, imagine having, like, ten missed calls from Jake Shane. Do you use your phone number? Hi, it's Jake and Tana. How humbling. Wait, she's calling back. No. Hello? Hi, sorry. You hung up on us, Diva. Hello? Hi, it's Jake and Tana. Hey, Queen. No. We're here to therapist your puss. Oh, good. Oh, God.

Wait, so your friend is hooking up with your best friend's brother. Okay, Tana's going to give you some advice on this. Oh, fuck. Okay, what's the tea and lore here? Like, why is it bad? Why is it wrong? Like, why can't everyone just know? Like, what if we pass him around? If everyone knows, it's going to be some people that are mad. Who's mad? Everyone. Why? Brother and, like, usually mess up. That's fair. See,

Like, if people find out, like, I feel like it would just be awkward and we don't want to, like, mess up the group. That's actually fair. That is actually really, really fair. But I think if it's already happening and everyone already knows, like, the sink is shipping... The sink is... The ship... The ship is sinking. The ship is sinking. Like, grab a lifeboat. Like, you know what I mean? Like, try to save the situation. Like...

Maybe it could be something that, like, you guys all laugh about soon. So you think we should tell? Well, I think you tell the friend, like, or the brother, like, one of you needs to speak up. Maybe you, like, give her a chance. Be like, so are you hooking up with anyone? Like, kind of make it seem like you already know, but give her the chance to, like, feel like she's telling you. Mm-hmm. And, like, just see. Because I think that sometimes, okay, I don't mean to be all, like,

put my empath hat on. Right. But like, I'm actually being her. And like, she, you, you find this boy and like, you're vibing with him and like, you love all your best friends so much. And like, but you're also vibing with the boy and like, you don't want all your besties to hate you. And you just like, want to take him for a whirl. Sorry. I'm a whore by nature. So like, I just am empathizing. Yeah. Whatever you do, we support you. Do you want to say a little high pussies?

Hi, pussy. Okay, Autumn, we love you. Love you. She was so over what we had to say. Well, what does she want us to say? Put the best friend on a steak like a pig with an apple in her mouth and roast her? I think so. I think that's what they wanted. I don't know. Yeah, she goes, hi, I think I might just end it there. Hi, it's Jake and Hannah. Boom.

That is just a crazy situation. That happened to me in high school. I lost a friend over that. Really? Bridget Nichols. I was hooking up with her brother. These names. Shannon. What about when I went on Canceled and I got the couches mixed up and I took photos of the couch downstairs and I was like, the couch. I was like,

And then I went upstairs and I was like, oh. The couch. But who buys that couch twice? Only a certified insane person. I need to sell one. If anyone wants the canceled couch. Wait, Tana, you should do a canceled couch giveaway. Do you know how- Hell damn, way to fuck up my bag. No. Like, don't need it. Like, yes. I should. Tana, it would be so everything. And you have to get people to do unhinged shit for the couch. Oh my, wait. Like, you need to get- Oh, the marketing major's marketing. Like, you need to get-

You need to get people to do the most unhinged shit for this fucking couch. And it will make national news. Like, Tana's couch challenge. And then I can, like, hand deliver them the couch. Yes. Like, you'll drive wherever they are and give them this goddamn couch. I'm giving away the canceled couch. In December when I move, but I'm doing that. It's so funny because we're going to tell Brooke and she's going to be like, that's the dumbest thing ever. Like, we have to do this. I think so. Like, people will do the craziest shit. But it's just, like, two bitches going, yes, we can do this.

We are the definition of two bitches going yes exactly. Thank God we didn't know each other 10 years ago because it would have been a TanaCon world tour. So bad. I would have been like, wait, it's fine.

Trevi was just telling me all about TanaCon because I don't remember that either. I try to block it all out. And apparently I was going to do the roast of Tana Mongeau on stage and make like Shane Dawson and everyone like roast me. And Trevi was like reading her roast that she wrote. Like, and the entire thing was like about how it's going to get shut down. Like foreshadowing queen. Like you ate with that. Diva foreshadowed. Yeah, that was nice. When me and my boyfriend were on a break, he hooked up with this girl that I hate and always had a problem with. And he knew that. Ooh.

I've never been in a relationship, so I'm letting you take the stage with this one. Okay, this is the first one where my advice is going to be so unhinged and evil. Do not take him back. Do not take him back, diva. That is step one, okay? And then I'm going to need you to go fuck the shit out of his brother, best friend, and father all at once. Like, ew. Because it's...

To me, it's like, it's not that they hooked up with someone else. It's like when they, when the guy goes to the person that like, he always told you not to worry about or someone that you specifically knew, like he specifically knew like grinded your gears. To me, that's so much more than like, oh, he touched someone else. Oh, he, it's psychological warfare. Right. It's calculated. Yeah. And it's evil. And it's just disgusting. Yeah. It's disgusting. Have I done something like that? Probably.

But again... Why do I always think it's okay when a girl does it? You took the words out of my mouth. You literally took... I was just saying this. I was just saying this this morning. Like, so many things are just okay when a woman does it. Right, because it's like... Camp. It's camp. Every time. It's like, and guys just suck always. Always. Yeah. Oh, that's awful. And it's hard because it's like, you can try to forgive those things and move past them, but it's always going to be in the back of your mind. And I think... I don't know. I don't know enough about your relationship, obviously, to...

you know write him off as a fully evil guy but like sounds pretty evil yeah that's like objectively pretty evil i agree my boyfriend has been giving me the ick recently everything he does is so cringy is this a phase or am i losing feelings i don't i've never been in a relationship so i can't answer that for you tana that's hard that's such a hard one because it literally it genuinely can be one or the other right like it you could be losing feelings but also like

I left my own body about ick shit, like, recently. Like, six months ago, I had this thing where I was, like, talking about how a guy chasing a ping pong ball, like, was giving me such a visceral ick, could never talk to him again. And it's like, Tana, you're, like, eating a crunch wrap and, like, crumbs all over your chest, like, licking them off. Right. Like, you have no room. Like, I think that this generation has taken, like, the ick too far. To an extreme. And then you just see all these TikToks about how everything is an ick and how everything is this and that. And, like...

He's probably just existing and like awesome. So then you, I don't know. You have to weigh out like if you're losing feelings or not on like a serious note. Like, yeah, I think most of the time it is losing feelings. And like, but I, to play devil's advocate, like I also get the echo for the smallest shit. A guy told me to put my seatbelt on and I was like, excuse me. Completely valid though. See, same. And then he told my friend to put her seatbelt on and she was like,

What? Men used to go to war. Men used to go to war. It's just like, yeah. See, belts are so cunty when girls are doing it. But as a man? Like, what's going on? He's like, come on, you never know what's going to happen. I'm like, I know that's the fun. That's the realest shit I've ever heard. Like, I just want to feel something. Like, feel something. You know what I mean? We good? Break check me a little. Come on. All right, this is our last one, and it's a long one.

I know it's trying to. I'm buckled in. You're buckled in. Seatbelt on. I see what you did there. I love you so much. I love you. I really love you. I was just thinking about one of my favorite things about you. Like, I don't do that enough. I think it's because my face doesn't move from all the Botox. Okay. Is like, like that, like how you hit like, like you're very like, what's the, what's the word? Animated, expressive. Like you, you do a lot of, a lot of your humor is within like being. Physical comedy. Thank you.

You're good at that, Jake. Thank you.

Hey, Jake. Hey, it's one of your male followers. Yes, you have them too. My boyfriend, three years together, moved in with me from another state, but he's from a very wealthy family. Me? A poor ass. His life is completely upside down and it's obvious I can't feed his old needs in this moment and place. Sometimes he goes through some deep, sad moments and my anxiety goes through the roof. I'm scared to say this, but is it selfish to think I should let him go and come back to his rich family? I feel like I'm bringing him down and I'm not being enough.

That's so sad. That makes me really upset. That's really sad. I don't think you should let him go, but I think you should vocalize your feelings to him. He seems like he loves him. You've been together for three years. Yeah. And then I think it's almost like his reaction to you vocalizing it will tell you what you need to know. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes.

And that's... That breaks my heart. Yeah, that's just hard and, like, sad. You know what I mean? And it's sad just because, like, also it's, like, I get it. It's, like, there's such a... When you are with someone that comes from such a wealthy, privileged place and you don't, like...

It's just how it is. Like your views on life are different. Completely different. They're just so different and they're so not aligned and like your reactions to certain traumas are different and like, you know what I mean? And I think, I think it just needs to be a conversation. I 100% agree. And yeah, because it's like,

You shouldn't feel like you're not enough for not relating to that. You know what I mean? And like, that's a shitty way to feel. And if he's the one for you, he'll understand like that. Right. And I think for all, you know, like, I think he's like thinking like he's miserable because he's not living the life that he's accustomed to, but you don't know that. You don't know that until you have a conversation. Absolutely. And then if he is, then that tells you what you need to know as well. Like, yeah, I think I'm going to subscribe. Oh, I have a sick one. Come on.

What's that one? I'm always looking at you like, what am I thinking? What's that one? It's, um, come on. Can you give me one hint? Like, it's like, girl from a... So you're from Alabama? No, falls for like a really rich guy and like it... Pretty woman? You know what? I've never seen pretty woman. Let's go with that. Me either, honestly. We prescribe pretty woman. I'm prescribing like the dirtiest chain restaurant in your town. Yes. Take him there and see how he acts.

Yes. Like the Chili's that's about to close. Oh, we should go to Chili's. The one in Encino. Like I want to get married there. I've never been to Chili's. I want to have a reception. What? Yes. What? Never been. Isn't it amazing? I've heard it's amazing. I'm fucking seeing God. What do you mean? Therapy shmeropy. My therapy is in a Chili's. I'm sorry. Isn't it the charged or is that Panera? That's Panera. Have you seen it?

Have you had that either? No, I've had Panera. I've had the bread bowl. Have you had their charged lemonade though? No, I heard that kills people. Yeah. It like kills people.

Can. For sure. But it's fun teetering on the edge. It's kind of like the seatbelt thing. Right. Yeah. And it's like Fuji apple flavored cocaine. Ooh, yum. Yeah. It's really... I'm really into the charged lemonade. Okay. But I don't know. One time I did think I was going to die. Are you serious? What's your heart like? Well, because I took an Adderall and then I drank a charged lemonade. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. No. It's absolute complete idiot behavior. I didn't know there was that much caffeine in it. And then I looked it up. How much is there? Like...

300 milligrams or something in a one. No, it's insane. Is that legal? No, probably not. I'm pretty sure Panera is also the reason that you have to say, this could be a total lie, the heat on cups, because I'm pretty sure a woman got like fourth degree burns from a Panera cup once. Panera and McDonald's, I think that happened. That is a thing. Oh, it was McDonald's. It was McDonald's. Sorry. Panera is so fucking funny. Okay. I know someone at Panera just has a sense of humor because it's like,

Everyone was dying from the Charged Lemonade. It's not funny. My thing is like right now it's been like on air apologies, like immediately saying sorry for that. You don't even have to say I'm sorry. Like anyways. And, you know, like, yeah, that was happening. And all Panera did was take the Charged Lemonade section from like, like. She just dropped out from the Charged Lemonade section.

She's out. Yeah. The way this looks like a prolapsed situation. So what? Sorry, I interrupted you. And they just moved it behind the counter. So like, that's all they did. Yeah. Like, all they did was move the Charged Lemonade thing to where you have to ask for it behind the counter. Like, maybe discontinue it. They didn't discontinue it? Oh, no. Oh, they won the I don't give a fuck war. Yeah, like, how crazy is that? They just said, no, we'll put it behind the counter. What doesn't kill you goes behind the counter. Not kidding. Yeah.

But no, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa! Chilis. You've never had a triple dipper. You've never sat down. Their chips are like eating tissue paper, but in a good way. Chips? Their chips like chips and dip. I've had Applebee's. No, but

No, but Applebee's just wants to be Chili's so bad. But tell me why if they brought me a brand deal tomorrow, I'd be like, Applebee's is the new Chili's. You know? Like, I don't know. Wait, so what do you get at Chili's, though? What's, like, the whole shtick? Oh, my God. They have this thing called the triple dipper where you can pick, like, three appetizers. They give you a list of, like, ten of them. Then you can pick three. And they're all insane. The avocado egg rolls. Ooh. They have big mouth bites. I might be making that up.

Are the fries good there? It's like chicken. Everything is good at Chili's. Everything is good at Chili's. Have you ever gotten drunk at a Chili's? Oh my God, Chili's margaritas. Like it's not even alcohol. Like I know they're just like fermenting something back there and charging a dollar for it. And it's, I don't care. It's insane. Have you ever been drunk there? Of course I've been drunk in a Chili's, Jake Shane.

I need to go. And they're closing down. Dude, I like... Chili's, if anyone's watching this, how can I save you? There's no... They can't close down. I refuse to believe that one. No, they won't. They won't. They can't. Something will happen. Like probably one Chili's in Cedar Rapids, Iowa is closing, but now we're just running with it on TikTok, right? We're running with it. There was something else that's closing as well. I think it was Red Lobster. It was Red Lobster! It was Red Lobster. And I've never been there...

The biscuits are insane. I've heard. Red lobster's a little crazy, though. Really? Because you walk in and, like, all the lobsters are, like, in a tank, and I just feel like, like, that can't happen in chain form. Oh. Okay? Like, I'm down to walk into, like, a random nice restaurant down the street, and there's lobsters in a tank. Like, where are all the chili's lobsters, or the red lobster lobsters from? Like, you know what I mean? Are they real lobsters? Yeah, you, like, pick them, I guess. I don't...

You know, you're like, I like that one. She has cute eyes. And then you like eat it. I don't get seafood though. I'm not a big seafood guy. You're not? Sometimes randomly. Okay. You know the best seafoods. Have you ever been to Cape Cod in Massachusetts? No. Tana? I feel like I'm here in Cape Cod right now. Your house is so Cape Cod. Someone else said that to me the other day. Literally Paige an hour ago. It was Paige. The way you were just going to eat that too. He was like, someone else said that to me the other day. And you were like, hmm.

Paige, I'm sorry. I just, I hear things and then I forget if I heard it today or yesterday or the day before. You are me. You know, and then my friends are like, you're such a bad listener. And I'm like, I know. Like, what do you want me to do? So much is going on. It really is ADHD of it all. Tana, what did we learn today? Ha ha ha.

I learned I'm not alone in this world because I have you. I'm not even kidding. I think I learned that too. I'm like, damn, if all else fails, like I got Tana. I'm not kidding. God, that's such a sad thought. No, for real. I just fucking love you so much. And I'm just so proud of you. And I love that everyone loves this show as much as I do. Like it's some people shouldn't have podcasts and you're not one of those people. Like, yeah.

I just thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. Seriously. Oh my God, I love you so much. I love being here. I'm sad it's over. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Me too. Do you want to get dinner this week? Not kidding. I have to go. Oh, you're on tour. But only for like five or six days. And then I'm back and I'm taking you to Chili's in Encino. Done. Done. And then we're watching the Taylor Swift documentary. Chili's to Taylor. This never happens. It needs to happen. It's going to happen. No, it's going to happen. I mean, I don't do anything. I'll show up here. Yeah. Like a freak.

Okay, I love you, Tana. I love you so much. Thank you for having me. Pussies, I love you. Pussies, I love you. Pussies. And even just that, like calling them pussies, but like still being so brand safe, like not, it's just like, I'm gonna go, don't worry. We can just sit here. Before you leave, you need to get, have you met Cassandra?

No, but I saw you introducing someone. Was it Glenn Powell or was it Alexander? No, it was. Again, this is one of my favorite things about you. Like, you're going to have Ed Sheeran on this couch and you're going to be like, meet Cassandra. And like, you're going to make that person play along. Like, it doesn't matter if you give a fuck about Cassandra. Oh, if you're coming into my dollhouse, you're playing with the dolls. Oh, I'm the same way. Like, if you come over, you're meeting my stuffies. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I'm not changing. Yeah. If you don't meet Beauregard the dog on my bed and you don't care. Like, it's like. Yeah. It just says everything you need to know. Cassandra.

She loves you. I love her. She was expensive, huh? No, she wasn't. The one, the big one in the room was a thousand.

Not funny. Funny. What do you mean the big one in the room was a thousand? It was like 800 plus tax. I love Cassandra so much. She's such a good color. She's great, huh? And she just, she goes with the flow. Like, look, like I consider her and she's like, okay. Yeah. She's like, whatever. Yeah. She like shuts up. Yeah. She's that bitch. She's that bitch. Tana. I love you. Hi, pussies. Put your tents up. Put your tents up. Tents up. Smart cookies.