Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello, pussies, and welcome back to Therapus. I have just returned from what, Louise? Yay! I have just returned from Europe. I'm a little...
I'm a little down bad. I'm a little just exhausted. We had a pretty hectic travel day that I cannot wait to tell you guys about.
Next week's episode. But for now, we have Ben Platt on this week's Therapist, who was just amazing to have in the studio. No pun intended. I love Ben. He's incredible. His new album, Honey Mind, comes out this Friday, May 31st. He played me a few songs. It's absolutely amazing. Give it a listen and enjoy this week's episode. Love you, Pussies. Thank you.
Thank you SeatGeek for sponsoring today's podcast. I think we all can be in agreeance when we say that summer is here. And the fact that summer's here means we need to get out of the house. And if you know me and my girls, we have the most difficult time leaving the house per se. We just don't like to do it. We don't like to...
We don't like to do things. And SeatGeek actually makes it easy to do things, like see live shows. As you know, we've been going to a lot of comedy shows and we've been trying to see more concerts lately. But,
But with all of our favorite artists touring, Olivia Rodrigo, Taylor Swift, Noah Khan, Joni Mitchell is even coming to LA. We need to get out of the house and go see a few shows. So we are going to use SeatGeek to get those tickets. And you can too. If you use code THERAPUS10 at checkout, you get 10% off any tickets.
ticket order. Tell me what concert you see or what show you see. I'd love to know. I love live music and live shows more than anything. And I am so excited that SeatGeek is working with Therapus and working with me because music is so, so important to me and live shows are even more important to me. So SeatGeek, thank you. And pussies, I love you. ...
Pussies, welcome Ben Platt to Therapist. You might know him from the Pitch Perfect series, Theater Camp, or his new album, which is coming out May 31st, Honey Mind. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? Good, I'm so happy you're here. Thanks for having me. It's so comfy in here. It's so comfy. It's also my favorite colors. It's giving like a mustard and a navy, which is like me and Noah, my fiance's favorite colors in the world. When are you guys getting married? In the fall. Where? In Brooklyn. Okay, love.
Yeah, it's going to be really cute. Where in Brooklyn? Like a sort of gallery warehouse-y raw space vibe with like 300 Jews.
Wait, that is so artsy of you. Thank you so much. It's really, it's Noah. Noah's the aesthetic king. That's amazing. I want to be an artsy gay so badly. I think about this all the time. I can't. Why? You don't have like that visual thing? I don't have the visual appeal and I'm a little, I think in order to be an artsy gay, like you have to, like you can be a diva, but like not in the sense that like I am, right? So like I can't deal with heat. I normally like, I'm like,
In an artsy setting like this warehouse you speak of, I would not be surprised if they were like, we don't do air conditioning here. That's a big thing on our list because the only thing we actually care about in regards to the wedding is like the dancing popping off. So we were like, if it's not breezy, it's not going to happen. So there will be AC. There will be AC? Yes. Well, okay. Like while we're on the topic of AC, like do you sleep hot or do you sleep cold? I need it to be frigid. Okay. Same. What do you sleep at?
What does that mean when I sleep? Like I'm a 62, two fans. Oh, oh my God. And a bad jet. Well, Noah got this thing for us called eight sleep. Like, do you have it? It's like $3,000. I need one. It cools my, the mattress so that even if it's not giving AC, it's like my whole body is chilled and I'm loving it, but I can't get my AC down to 62. It freezes. So I just give it like 67 and a fan and the eight sleep and one leg out. You should get a bag. Kind of draped.
Yes. You know what I mean? You should get a bed jet. What's a bed jet? So it's a tube that goes under your bed and it pours hot or cold air in. Whoa. Yeah. It's changed my life. That's fire. Yeah. It's, well, I put it on in the winter. I put it on turbo heat. Okay. So I get a little toasty. And,
after winter in the summer, this is when you really see my psychopath come out. I'm like 62, fan here, bed jet on, fan from across the room. Oh, cross breeze. Yeah. This just became SpawnCon for bed jet. Yeah. My entire thing is SpawnCon for bed jet. Okay, great, great. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, why
I mean, I guess you know what I'm pissed about today is the heat. Obviously, it's fucking hot in LA. What are you, Thera, pissed about today, Ben? What am I Thera pissed about? We actually were just touching on this before we started. I'm pissed about...
The struggle to find clothing that makes me feel good about myself and my body. Oh my God, story of my life. I find like one or two items and I wear them every single day. And then I have a closet full of things that I like think in my mind are going to be wonderful. And then I put them on anytime after I've bought them and I feel like shit about myself. And then one day...
When you gain like five extra pounds and your breasts are a little like more protruding than normal, you have to buy a new three shirts. And it is the worst feeling. I would not wish that upon my worst enemy. And if we're going to be honest, it happened to me last night. Really? Yep. I was wearing my roller rabbit. A shirt betrayed you? Yes. I was wearing my roller rabbit pajamas. And like, I always look like a chubby toddler in them. But like, I, especially last night, like my best friend Julia took a photo of me and I was like,
Oh, holy fuck. Like, I got to get it together. But they're PJs. They're for you. It does not matter. Okay. I understand. That is cloth on my body that is not looking good. And it's clinging in the wrong places. I understand. All the wrong places. I couldn't sleep. You don't understand. I was in bed. I was like, oh, sorry. I just cut you off. Oh, my God. No, please. I'm in your house. No. I have a... Well, you'll know this about me. Like, trust me. But I have a serious problem where I cut people off. Well, you're in the right business. Oh, thank you.
Continue. I was just going to say fitting rooms are so deceiving because they always have overhead light. And so things look like they hang and they're draping. You're like, this is gorgeous. It's like kind of like laying exactly as it should. And then you're in your normal closet and you're like, I look horrific. I did not know that was a thing. Did you work in retail? No. Oh, you're just like theater vibes. Yeah. I just understand lighting. Yeah. And angles. And angles. I don't.
I don't. I wore, like, the prime example of me not understanding lighting and angles is one time I went to a little event and I wore a sweater. Yo, like. Drop the name of the little event. It was the People's Choice Awards. Whoa. I know. It was a big little event. And I looked like I had a C cup. I'm serious. That's a beautiful kind of mid-sized cup. No, it was. What cup would you give me, Louise? I would say a V. Oh.
I think a B too. Adam, have you seen that outfit? It was fucking despicable. I don't know how I was allowed out of the house in that. Like Zach said to me, he said, yo, like, are you going to order like pasties or something? Like,
So my pasties that I ordered, do you ever like when you have a lot of packages, like you forget to open them? Yeah, of course. I was opening all my packages and I was like, okay, those are my laxative gummies. And then I found my pasties. Like after the event had already passed. Yeah, and I was like, oh, I could have used those. Yeah, no, I have like pretty intense OCD. So I like anytime a package arrives at my door, it has to go into the, has to be broken down and into the recycling within minutes of it arriving. So let me just show you the outfit and then I'll read you the tweets about the outfit. Okay.
Okay, here's the thing. No. No, no. The outfit itself, I get. But I understand where you're coming from in terms of the way that it's clinging. I understand. Okay, now let me read you the tweets. Don't look yet because I'm going to do a reading of them. Jake Shane at the carpet at the 2024 hashtag PCAs. Serving large and in charge realness.
Okay, shade. If a woman's expected to wear a bra, then a man with tits should also be. Sexism at its finest. They get so much better. The internet? Material not there. Next. Anyways. Damn. He looks awful. Oy. Just old and big. Oy. Oy.
Okay, suddenly I get the TikTokers being their hate. Get this ugly baby adult man thing out of public spaces. Oh my, this is why I've been off of XKhole for four years. This is my favorite one. Are you ready? Are we supposed to make some noise? Yes. The answer is yes. Yeah, for my fucking breasts. Thank you, Luis. Twitter's an absolute hellscape and it has been long before it was X. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't think, you know, I thought when Twitter changed to X, it would really affect people on the app. But if anything, it's just more prominent than ever. Yeah, it's like grosser than ever. Yeah, it's grosser and it's easier to tap. I'm like, oh my God, I'm not tapping Twitter. I'm tapping X. Yeah, it's like kind of begging you to join. It is. But I don't look there anymore. Haven't in a long time. Yeah, okay. We'll love that for you. It's not good for the, we're talking therapists. Oh, we are. Yeah. When did you delete X? It's not good for the mental health. Okay.
You know, right around the Evan Hansen film came out and people were just sort of being vitriolic and I was like, I don't need to read all of these things. What does vitriolic mean? It's like mean. Just like deeply mean. Do you all know what vitriolic means? So now Noah is not afraid of X so he'll go and search and find me the good things and show them to me. Oh, that's true love. That is true love. Do you know what you're walking down the aisle to?
I think so. I think we maybe are going to do the Bee Gees song, you know, you don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's like. See, that's an artsy gay. That's an artsy gay. Yeah, it's pretty artsy. Like, I'm going to do Video Games by Lana Del Rey. That's not an artsy gay. That is really chic. It's chic, right? It is. Someone commented on my TikTok, I'm going to walk down the aisle to the song, and I said, me too.
Me too. Like the piano, but I'm not going to have someone sing it. We're just going to do the piano. It's going to be like, if you know, you know. Instrumental? Yeah. I see. That's good. We have a lot of siblings who sing, so they'll probably sing it for us. Oh, you all sing. I think we all sing. We do all sing. Internally, externally, in some way, everyone sings. Well, what was I going to say? Okay, so your new album, Honey Mine, comes out May 31st. Uh-huh. Is that your fiance on the cover? The truth is, it's not. Oop.
Of course it's meant to symbolize Noah. Okay. But Noah was working because he's a working actor at the time when I needed to shoot it. So our dear, dear sweet friend, Eli Raskin, cast by Noah with Noah's approval. Thank you.
was playing noah in the shoot that's love that's what you work with on this album did you are you did you primarily write them alone or i wrote with a lot of people i wrote a lot of it in nashville with like a lot of wonderful writers there like hillary lindsey and natalie hemby and um my dear dear friend alex hope who i've been writing with for a long time we wrote grow as we go together and i want to love you but i don't a lot of my other older stuff um and then i uh
Dave Cobb was this amazing producer, executive producer of the whole thing in Georgia. And he's like super organic, like, you know, bare bones Americana genius man. Love. Yeah, it's like a little...
circle family of people. Oh, that's amazing. Congratulations. Are you so excited about it? I'm excited about it. Yeah. It's the kind of thing where you, it's been finished and you're sort of sitting on it and you're convincing yourself in and out of like, I love this. I'm so excited for this to come out. Wait, maybe do I hate this? Is this so earnest? Do I not want to put this in the world? And that's when, you know, you've been sitting with it for too long and you need to just like throw it out there. Yeah. Start to just second guess it and listen to it too much. And so I'm trying to just like not listen to it, remove until it's time. God,
I didn't even think about that. I feel like it's like handing in like a really big essay at the end of school. Exactly. And like you finish it a little early and you keep going back and it's like, wait, it's fine. If the essay was about like all of your internal trauma. Yes. And just like relationship intimacy. But no, I'm excited to put it out. That's amazing. I'm ready for it not to be just in my head. Are you going to tour it? I don't know. Maybe. Can we say it?
Oh, it is? Yes. I'm going to tour. I'm going to tour. Well, first I'm going to do a three-week residency on Broadway at the Palace. Shut the fuck up. Yes. And sort of give my Judy Garland era and play a lot of the new album in that show. That's amazing. Thank you. And then immediately after, I'm going to do like six weeks of touring around the U.S. and Canada. Are you excited? Very excited. I love to perform more than anything. So that's always the end game whenever I'm making anything is just getting to get on stage. That's the theater in you. That's the theater. Exactly. Yes. At heart. Absolutely.
At heart. Ultimately, I'll never grow beyond that. When did you start? Like, you did it as a kid, right? Yes. I started doing, like, youth theater, like, a, like, kids program when I was, like, six and, like, fell deeply in love with it and sort of, like, didn't.
I just like was very internal and shy in most spaces. And that's where I sort of just like felt free to be obnoxious. And then I started working professionally when I was nine. So I've been doing it for like, I'm really old, like 21 years. How old are you? 30. No, I thought you were younger than that. I'm sorry. Face crack of the century. I thought you were like 26. That's so nice. I know. I'm 30. Yeah.
So, well, you know what? Do you like being 30? People love their 30s. Sorry, I'm just getting comfortable. Yeah, comfortable. I've like never been so comfortable with a guest before. My feet are up. You know, this, you know, this is my first time I haven't used my stand for the mic. And tell me if I'm wrong, Louise, why do I kind of love this?
I think that... It's freer. It's flowing. It's shapeless. It's great. Yeah, I'm not hunched over. I used to have a really bad hunchback, but... I have terrible posture. Yeah, the worst. The worst. Well, so do you... Well, actually, I've been wanting to ask you this forever. What was your favorite play or musical that you were in prior to anything on Broadway? Oh, my gosh. Whoa. It's so hard because there's so many... I did You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Oh, yeah.
at summer camp and it's a musical that I really love that's like kind of like a warm hug and I always wanted to play Charlie Brown and I was like 11 and I think that I look back on it very fondly because I feel a real kinship with Charlie Brown I love that and it's also now also Noah's favorite musical and his dream is to play Snoopy so one day we'd like to play Charlie Brown and Snoopy together wait when did you and Noah meet and how did you meet and what's the vibe there
The vibe there is we met when we were like 19 doing like a comedy web series and we were like had talent crushes on each other and were jealous of each other and then we did a That's such a gay thing. Very gay. Being jealous. Jealousy seeps.
seeps through my body like fucking snake venom. Of course. Yes. We're bred to be jealous. And then we started hooking up and dating pretty quickly. We were doing a workshop of a musical together when we were 20. We dated for a couple months and then I had a gay panic and I wrote him, did you ever get a text message that's so long that there's an arrow at the bottom that takes you to the rest of it and it's a whole page? Like from a lover? Or just like ever. Yeah, not from a lover. Okay.
But I'm from a friend, yeah. Okay, so I sent him like a really indulgent essay being like, I feel like, you know, we're going to be... Damn, it had the button at the bottom? Literally. It was like, we're going to be... I feel like we're going to be in each other's lives forever. We're going to be friends. And like, I'm worried if we like jump into something. It's like, I don't know if this is like, we're young. And like, I don't know if we're going to be romantic or if we should just be friends, whatever. And so he hated me for a little while, but then we became friends. And then we sort of will-they-won't date for many years and would like...
have sex at someone's birthday party every so often. And then, um, when I was, uh, 26 or seven, I did a show at radio city. Um, and it was sort of like a bar mitzvah, like life moment where like everyone in your whole life comes and you like zoom out and you're like, what's, what is life? What's important. And I sort of had like an epiphany of like, I'm an idiot. Like Noah's been the person the whole time. And I've been wasting time and dating like
tall healthcare consultants. Like, why? You know what I mean? It's my type. I know, right? Yeah. Like, as different for me as possible. And then we started dating in 2020 and then we've been together ever since. Has anyone ever told you your life is extremely cinematic? No, and I really appreciate that. It is so cinematic. Like, that... Is that, like, not a movie? Oh, my God. Like, that's giving one day. If you haven't seen one day, go watch one day. Have you seen one day? I haven't seen one day. Oh, it's... Fuck.
Oh my God, it's Akamazing. Oh, you did not just Akamazing me. I did, and I do that. This isn't just a you thing. I do that every single episode. Is Pitch Perfect big for you? Like, I saw that shit during Hurricane Sandy. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Like...
I left the house. That's so nice. Did you have fun shooting that movie? A blast. I was literally 18. I was the only one that was like the age of like a college freshman and everyone else was like in their 20s and going out to bars and stuff and my ID got taken on, my fake ID got taken on the first night out. But it was my first on-screen thing and I...
because I came from musical theater world, the director Jason Moore was also from the theater world and he was able to talk to me in a way that I was like understanding what I was doing because I felt very scared to be on camera. It was very new for me. That was your first camera on camera role? It was. Well, that's not true. I played a Boy Scout in a straight to DVD version of Little Red Riding Hood starring Joey Fatone and I had one line at the campfire which was get your wiener away from my wiener. What? What?
So foreshadowing. Yeah. But this is my first like real situation. And you had so much fun filming. It was a blast and I felt it was like going to theater camp because it was, you know, we had like rehearsal and it was like a familiar process for me because there's musical numbers and it was funny and sweet and it was a great first, you know, job in that arena and made me want to keep doing it.
Amazing. Wait, who were you close with? Like Brittany Snow or Anna Kendrick or any of the? All of them are wonderful. Skylar and I became really close buddies. He's like a Jew also. Yes. His real name is Skylar Lipstein. What is his stage name? Skylar Aston. Interesting. And he went to Stage Door and it was like a musical theater. You went to Stage Door? He did. I didn't. Okay. I wish I did. I wanted to, but I was going to Jewish Summer Camp. Okay.
Okay. And he really like kind of took me under his wing and was really sweet to me and we've been buddies ever since. Wait, I can't believe I just got to ask you about Pitch Perfect. Okay, laughing about Pitch Perfect and then I'll awkward stop. What was your favorite performance in the first movie? I
I mean, I did love the riff off and I was there all night just sitting on the perimeter of the pool. Cause I had to just do like one shot of coverage of me just like kind of enjoying it. Yeah. Sort of just sat there and watch the whole thing. So I did love that. I mean, the Bella finale is just like hard to beat. I think it's just so it's like emotionally wraps up the story. It's a great arrangement. Everybody has a nice solo moment. It's like, don't you forget about me? It's Jesse J. It's, it's giving a lot of important beats. God, that movie is so good. It's good. Well, how did your life change after that movie?
Um, I think a just like solidified that I really wanted to do this for my life because I've been working as a kid all the way up until high school. And then when I went to high school, I sort of stopped and just like went to high school. And so this was the first thing out of high school where I was like, dipped back in and tried to like work again. And I think I was like, Oh, I really have to do this.
And then I think it just, I mean, in a literal sense, it's the reason that the people who were doing Book of Mormon knew who I was and they saw me in the movie and they asked me to come in on audition for Book of Mormon. And so I got to do Book of Mormon and that sort of started the whole Broadway of it all. So I have Pitch Perfect to thank for a lot of things. Oh, wow. I did not know that. For some reason, I thought you did Broadway prior to Pitch Perfect. Yeah.
So interesting. Just like musical theater in LA and like growing up. But my first Broadway moment wasn't until after. Did you have fun doing Broadway? It's the greatest. It was always my greatest lifelong dream. And again, I'm very OCD, so I love routine and like sameness and being able to know like what my day is always going to be and repetition. And like it's very ritualistic and calming. And it's hard for like your body to stay healthy and your voice and stuff. But once you get in a groove, it's like the best. Is it like summer camp?
Or is like filming a movie like more like summer camp? It is because it's more like ephemeral. Like you go somewhere, you're all sleeping in like a weird Homewood Suites or something and you're just like, you only have each other and then you go away back to your lives. Theater's a little more like it has to become part of your daily routine and your normal life. Yeah. Theater. I remember being like, how are people doing like eight shows a week? Yeah. It's a, it's a lot. It's, it's a little bit inhumane at times, but you find ways to do it and like ways to soothe and, you
you know, seamless orders to take care of yourself when you get home and things like that. Oh my God, I would not. Anywho, do you know about the tell me what's wrongs? I don't. Okay. So basically the pussy's right in and they tell me what's wrong.
And we answer them. Oh, we're going to give advice. Yes, we give advice. And then we prescribe them a remedy. Okay. So like I've prescribed Pitch Perfect before. That's so nice. Yeah, of course. It's a good remedy. Again, Hurricane Sandy. Like that fucking movie changed my life, seriously. But that's basically the gist of it. Okay, great. Okay, you ready? I'm absolutely ready. The binder clip of it all? The binder clip. That's a Nolan special.
I had so much to drink one night that I thought I was kissing my boyfriend. Oh, fuck. Who was in the backseat with my two other friends and I was in the front. IDK what went through my mind, but I was actually kissing the Uber driver and now I'm banned. Okay. Wait, banned from Uber? Yes. Because the driver filed a complaint? Yes. But the driver was kissing. Oh, so we're saying maybe it was non-consensual. I don't know what was going on. She seemed really drunk. But let me tell you something, girl.
My advice is that that is so unfortunate and I'm so sorry for her. But like, as long as her friends and her boyfriend aren't mad at her, like kind of like,
take it off the shoulder if that's even a saying. Like, we just gotta move past this and like, just maybe like... There's still lift. Yeah, there's still lift as long as you're not banned from both. Like, I have a friend that's banned from both and like, that's really difficult for us. That's tough, you're stranded. Yeah, wait, sorry, I just lied. I don't think that's the truth. I don't think I have a friend that's banned from both. One thing about me is I lie sometimes. But I always, I'll tell you right after.
Good. I'll tell you right after. So it's like electroshock. Yeah. Sometimes I just panic and I'm like, I can't go with that lie. It's a lie. Culpability is everything. So I really appreciate you saying that. Have you ever seen Culpa Mia? No. It's amazing.
Copa Mia. Yes, it's an Amazon Prime original. Whoa. Yep. And then what was the other thing? One Day? One Day. Watch One Day first. Okay. And then Copa Mia. And then Copa Mia. And then when you watch Copa Mia, you have to come over and my friend Peyton will sit with us and watch it. Okay. Why? Why? She's seen it six times. And so she wants to watch it again? Yeah, she has to be there. You're not allowed to watch it without her. Okay, understood. It's her favorite movie of all time. Understood. Oh, but back to The Girl Who Blacked Out. If that was me, like, I would just, like, really...
I'm honestly going to prescribe to her like a month sober. Just to like reset. Just to reset. Yeah. Or like just like not getting in a ride share alone. For sure. Like just always having a chaperone when it comes to like a driver. Yes. Because it seems to be a trigger, like a sexual trigger. Okay. Yes. So maybe just have somebody looking out. Okay. So like a ride share buddy. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay.
I recently found out my ex cheated on me. We were together for six years. I logged into his VSCO. Oops, I know. So 2018. And found out he had been liking extremely revealing pictures of my friends for years. Cliffhanger. Sorry, this is just... Staple cliffhanger.
Obviously, it wasn't my place to log into his account. Again, oops. But I want to cut all those fake friends out of my life. How are they fake? It's not his fault. It's not their fault. How do I confront them without telling them what I know? Dash Mads. Wait, I'm confused. What's to be confronted? It's just that they posted revealing photos. And he liked the photos. But that's not their fault. That's not their fault. They're allowed to post...
Hello. It's your body, your choice. You post whatever you want of yourself. That is called displaced anger. That's right. And I think she's projecting the fact that she is upset that her ex cheated on her. Also, who among us has not liked revealing photos of people? Relationship or no relationship? If you can't be honest about the fact that you find other people attractive, you're in the wrong relationship. Oh, sorry. God? That's my breathing alarm. What does that mean? I just need to breathe. Okay.
Oh my God. Talk about a fucking reset. That's the best thing my old therapist did for me. But anyway, you're allowed to like photos of anyone you want. As long as you're not engaging in like, you know, illicit DMs. Right. That's a different thing. But what is, I'm really sorry. What is VSCO? I'm really sorry. You know what VSCO is, right? Adam? Shut up. Adam doesn't know. What is it? You don't know what VSCO is? Is it like a video disco? What's the vibe? It's like,
How would you describe VSCO? You don't seem to know what VSCO is. It's like a site. It's okay. Basically, it's like what all the cool kids edited their photos with for a very long time. Oh, it's a photo editing app. But if you were real cool, you had an account and you would post it like Tumblr. I see. I see. So it's sort of like an Instagram Tumblr offshoot type of thing. Exactly. And you can do photos from VSCO on those other apps. Yes, like you would edit your photos and VSCO them. I see. And they would get a bunch of reposts.
Okay, I still feel the same, though. I don't think it's anyone's fault. I don't think it's their fault at all. At all, it's his fault. They just need to have an honest conversation about being open to being honest when they feel attraction to other people. I don't know what I would prescribe to that. Better communication. Better communication. I would also prescribe therapy and talking about how you're projecting onto other people, including the people you're closest with, a.k.a. your friends. That's right. So maybe I would also prescribe a girls' night. Yeah, a girls' night with the object of really opening up and talking. Yes, Ben.
Help. I'm hooking up with two guys at the same time. One of them is not cute and super hairy, but literally so nice. That's the one that sounds hot, but sorry, keep going. Okay. But literally so nice to me. The other one is a foine, but such a POS. POS.
His dog also ate my pants and he didn't Venmo me. Who do I choose? I would choose the more attractive one. There was a lot going on there. The dog ate the pants. That was a three act play. The hairy guy she's not attracted to was such a good guy. And then the really hot guy is broke and won't Venmo her for pants that his dog chewed up. Okay, well for me it's a no brainer because I love hairy guys and hair is one of my biggest things. And so I would just choose the nicer hairy guy because it sounds like he's an all around better person.
Okay. So that's what you prescribe. Yeah, but to be fair, I haven't seen the foy one. Yeah. My mind might change if I were to see his face. Okay, well, I prescribe the foy one. Okay. Because like a little bit of romantic drama like does the heart good. Okay, so let us know who you listen to. Yeah. Please. Oh my God, I hope she writes back. Use code word foy. My boyfriend and I want to live together after college. I want to explore new places and he wants to stay close to family.
How do we compromise? Rosie. Oh my God. She gave me her number. Wait, say one more time. So they, they want to move in together after college. He wants to stay like in their zone and she wants to go be exploring. So stay in the zone, but travel. Okay. Have like planned some moments to go explore. Would you mind if we called her right now? Literally? Yeah, no, she gave me her number. Okay, let's do it. Thank you, Nolan. Oh, you are. The number's already in.
Okay, Rosie didn't answer, but so I'm just gonna, you know what, Rosie, you can take this as your voicemail. I think they should break up. Whoa.
Okay, say more. Because she does not want to stay in San Diego. And he really does. And he really does. Well, what if she ultimatumed and was like, either you go on this adventure with me and stay with me in your life, or if it's not as important to you, then I'm going to go. Because that's not his journey, and he's going to hold resentment forever. But what if it isn't? He's just not been given the pressure to do it. Okay, well, then maybe it's a test of their relationship. Exactly. And then if he doesn't rise to the occasion, then they break up. Okay, I'm going to prescribe one day.
Because their lives go in very different directions. But like they're like, that's their one true love is that each other. And I'm going to prescribe Bedjet. Oh, a Bedjet? Because this is an ad for Bedjet. Because wherever your Bedjet is, it will feel like home. Yes, Ben. You're really good at this. Thanks.
My name is Tori. Hi, Tori. In the last five years, I feel like I've been through really hard friendship breakups. I understand that. But none of them will tell me why when I try to talk about it. I also understand that. Am I the problem? Okay, well, Tori. I had to come to the conclusion that I was, in fact, the problem after many friendship breakups.
Yeah, I mean, it's tough because if it's a friendship breakup, in some ways you're both the problem in the sense that you're just not right for each other. Like, I think it's about accepting that. And also sometimes it's like, there's not like an incident or like a reason or like a thing to say like, you did this and therefore I don't want to be your friend. It's usually like...
Just a gradual ineffable, like, we're growing apart. It doesn't feel right. We're not the same people. And so, like, I understand not being able to say why. I don't think that's a personal thing that people are, like, hiding from you, Tori, what they actually feel. I think it's more that, like, it's actually often hard to express why. Sometimes you just grow apart. I think it's important to express why, though, because there's been so many times where I haven't had someone express why to me.
And then if there is a why, I keep acting that way because I don't know why. So that takes maturity on both ends, Tori. That's true. Accountability is important. And if you can help your friend and give them an opportunity to show up, you have to give them the shot. Would you say a breakup, a romantic breakup is worse or a friendship breakup?
So depends. I mean, I would say friendship usually, because if it's an important friendship that you would qualify it as a breakup, then it's like earth shaking. And there are a lot of romantic breakups that can be small. Some are huge, but I think if it's really a friendship breakup, that's pretty earth shaking. Friendship breakups are the worst thing I think inflicted on this earth. Whoa. So Tori, I'm so sorry you're going through that, but I would prescribe show about a friendship breakup. Hmm.
You're so not invited to my bat mitzvah. Whoa. Because in it, they have a friendship breakup. That's true. And there is a makeup. And there is a makeup. Spoiler. Sorry, there is a makeup. Well, what fun movie would it be without a makeup? That's true. I would prescribe that. I'd also prescribe maybe Euphoria and focus on Rue. And who does Maude Apatow play again? What's her name? Oh, she does the musical. Yes, but what's her...
The fuck is her name? TikTok is so upset. I know. What is her name in the show? I haven't seen Euphoria since season two. She's great on it and I love that episode, but I can't remember. But Maude Apatow's character and Rue Zendaya's character, they don't have a friendship breakup, but they're best friends as kids and they grow apart. And I think that's, they show a really, I wouldn't say healthy because like they help each other with like drug tests and stuff, but like healthy kind of way of how to navigate a friendship breakup. I think that's a great description. There's no resentment towards each other. Totally. They still love each other.
It's just people change and grow. Also, I would prescribe the movie Bridesmaids because Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig basically have a friendship breakup. That's true. But once again, a makeup. So if you're triggered by things going well in the end, don't watch it. Okay, right. I'm trying to think of something that doesn't go well. No, you're right. Most things do. And that's why we want to see it reflected in media. Do you go to college?
For seven weeks. Where? Columbia. Yeah. I get that. You're like really speaking eloquently. That's so nice. Yeah. You're like eloquent. It's all coming out of my ass. Oh, okay. That's most of the time what I'm saying too. Except people catch me out on that. They're like, what are you actually saying behind all this? And I'm like, nothing. Do you have a bad jet? And then they forget. And then they forget.
So my brother hates my boyfriend. It's not blatant, but he makes comments and jabs and it drives me insane. I'm so close with my brother and want him to love my boyfriend. And this has been keeping me up at night. Do I have to have a convo with my brother? Yes. Yes. I'll let you take the reins on this one. You do. I mean, here's the thing. I think if your brother's harboring like actual concerns about him and in terms of like how he is as a partner to you or like not being right or something like that, like,
even if they're wrong or you disagree and he is for you, I think there has to be a point where you let him say it and air it and he's not harboring something. And it may be hard to hear. And you have to just be prepared to say, here's why that's wrong. And this is why he's a great partner to me. And you need to learn to accept him or hear what he has to say. I think that's,
To sort of pretend that it's going to be like, it's my relationship and like your opinion doesn't matter. Clearly it's not going to work because it's clear that they have a very meaningful sibling relationship. Right. So I think you've got to just sit down, have an ugly, real conversation, ask him what his hangups are, and then try to move forward and tell him that his support means a lot to you and foster some time for them to spend together. 110%. That was great advice. And I honestly have no notes. Thank you very much. So what would you prescribe though?
Whoa. Oh, what's that movie where she dates the friends? 17 again? Is that what it's called? No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. Edge of 17. Yes. I'm just always thinking about 17 again. Yes. Great movie. Great movie. Sorry, I lied. I have not seen that movie. What? Was that? You've never seen it? I'm sorry. Fuck.
I have an actual problem. I was like peak gorgeous Zach. Yeah, no, he's gorge. But yeah. That's my lying problem. But I told you right after. Yeah, so it's not really a problem. It was like a quick. It's an instinct. I saw actually, oh, 17 again or Edge of 17? Edge of 17 is the one with the friend dating the boyfriend and then they have to find each other. I thought Zach was 17 again. Because I've seen that one. That is.
Edge of 17. You're saying you haven't seen Edge of 17. Who is in Pitch Perfect. To bring it back around. Oh my God. Is she amazing? Wonderful. I mean, I honestly haven't. We don't have, we're not in touch anymore, but like she was wonderful when we made that movie. Yes. Have you ever met Taylor Swift? One time. How was? Lovely. Where'd you meet? At a party, at a Golden Globes party.
And she was very lovely and interested and asked a lot of nice questions and did not make it about her. And that's amazing because she's like the most famous person ever. So it was a very nice encounter. I love her.
Yeah, she's pretty cool. Who is your favorite music artist? Who is like number one? That's really hard. Can you narrow it to like people that are currently alive and making music? Yes. Beyonce. Number one. Great answer. What do you think about Cowboy Carter? I think it's brilliant. I think it is so, it's like her taking the genre and being like, I'm going to let this guide me, but also it's going to just be purely Beyonce as well. And it's like,
So sonically identifiable as her, even though it's like giving a lot of amazing country references and feelings. And there's so many different moods and energies on it, but it's all very cohesive. And I just think she's brilliant. Brilliant. What are your top three? I really love Riverdance. I really love Two Most Wanted. Yeah, I love that one. Michael Pollack wrote it. Shout out to Michael Pollack. And...
I love the Blackbird cover. I think it's really beautiful. I love the Blackbird cover. I didn't know it was coming and it really made me emotional when I first laid it down. Yeah, I also didn't know it was coming. It was so, it was really, I thought that was a standout moment. I also love Just For Fun. So fun. Yeah. So, I mean, there's, yeah, yeah, it's fun. I love Spaghetti, dare I say. Protector's beautiful. Yeah. It's a great album. Great. Great. What's your favorite Beyonce album though? Self-titled.
You know what? That was always my answer because that's the album that I really like kind of fell in headfirst into the beehive. I just remember, I have like sense memory of like when that dropped and we didn't know it was coming and I'm sitting, I'm like on my bed in my high school bedroom just like letting it wash over me. And then like the visuals that came after, like it was just so amazing. And she, I mean, you probably know this. She brought back Thursday Night Releases because of that album. Yes. So cool. It used to be released on Tuesday night. She owns it.
Yeah, she owns it. Oh, she's everything. My favorite though besides self-titled was Four. I love Four. Noah loves Four too. Aww. Well, what are your other favorite artists besides Beyonce? Kacey Musgraves. I love Kacey Musgraves. Oh, so you've been fed this month. Yeah. Oh, we really have as a culture, especially as the queers. I think she's just like one of a kind, incredible songwriter and a friend and she's wonderful. You're friends with Kacey Musgraves? Yeah. Yeah.
I love Kacey Musgraves. Couldn't be more wonderful and funny and real. And you can hear it in the music. Yes. Wow. I know you're friends with Kacey Musgraves. Sort of just like name dropping. Is she coming to your wedding? I don't know. Well, speaking of your album title, because it's called Honey Mind. Sorry, I'm all over the place, but I would like to know where you're doing your honeymoon. Italy. We are going to Italy. Where in Italy? To...
I don't want people to stalk us. Oh, sorry. You can go like this and tell me. No, it's okay. We're going all around. We're going to the beachy south part and all the beautiful little guys and then some of the cities in the middle. It's going to be really beautiful. Noah's an amazing cook, like hardcore cook.
Like, really amazing chef. And so we, like, toyed with going places that are less cliche and more interesting because everybody goes to Italy, obviously. And because you're an artsy guy. Because we are artsy gays. But ultimately, like, he deserves the greatest food there is, and that's where it is. Oh, my God. Fuck. Sorry, I know. It's gross. Oh, no, it's really sweet. Well...
Very sweet. I haven't seen my best friend in forever because I wanted her to reach out first. Now it's been four months and she hasn't reached out. Oof. We both are super busy, but it still hurts that I'm the one that has to make the plans. Do I reach out now or wait?
So hold on. So they're best friends and they haven't spoken in four months, but there's not been like a falling out? And she's like, her pride being like, I'm not going to reach out. You can reach out. And her best friend didn't reach out. So no, I think if this is a friend that actually is meaningful to you and is actually your best friend, then you call them up and chase them down and you say, what's happening? Why are you not reaching out? It's hurting my feelings. What's going on with you? And if they can't be honest and be accountable, then maybe it's not a friendship for you. And if they can, then you move forward.
Once again, literally no notes. Was that not amazing? I'm 30, I told you. Yeah, I honestly don't even want to give advice for the rest of the podcast. My advice is horrible. But do you prescribe bridesmaids? Because I do. Yes, absolutely. Oh my God, that was amazing advice, Ben. Thanks. What age? Oh my God, wait, your Saturn's returned. Yeah. What was that like for you? Saturn has returned.
When I turned 27, everything started to change. That's when I got with Noah. No way. Yes. My Saturn returning was like me realizing like what I actually want and prioritizing my happiness and well-being and being okay with like focusing on quality or friendships rather than quantity of friendships, which I think is a big one because it feels so good to have so many people you can reach out to. But ultimately, it's just not tenable to like carry on.
like carry around a lot of relationships because you just can't give enough of yourself to have them all be meaningful. So it's like being open to the ones falling away that need to fall away. And also just like doing the work and like art that makes me happy as opposed to the work and art that people maybe are wanting me to do.
So you loved your Saturn return. I loved my Saturn return. I mean, COVID wasn't great, but other than that, I loved my Saturn return. I really enjoyed COVID. You're sort of a homebody? No, I'm not. And I was. So what would you, what would you ascribe that to that you loved it? Um,
You know what it was? My Saturn had not returned. Obviously, I was 21 or 20. And I was able to keep every, like, I could give the same amount of attention to every single friendship I had because everything was virtual. Yes. It would be like FaceTime after FaceTime after FaceTime after FaceTime after FaceTime and everyone could answer because no one was doing anything. Okay, we got it. You're very popular. No, no. I'm just kidding.
It was like wall to wall, like 10 a.m. FaceTime, 10.30 FaceTime. No, I understand. It was like an equalizer. This is what I just said. You have to be just really judicious about who you're devoting time to and really show up for those people and not pretend that you can show up more than you actually have the capacity to show up. Right. But it's hard to do. I'm a people pleaser. I'm sure you are similar. Oh, I'm the biggest people pleaser. But I'm also like a myself pleaser because I'm selfish. Totally. That's good. Me too. I'm selfish too. Yeah. How selfish would you say I am? Yeah. Yeah.
Are you serious? A 10? Should I go or? Maybe like an 8. It depends who you're talking to. No, stick by your 10. You dropped a 10, so. Oy, my God. Hi, pussy. Hi, pussy. My name is Alex. Hi, Alex. I have a deathly allergy to nuts, but this boy I like keeps eating almonds when we go to dinner and I don't know how to tell him, but I keep having to take Benadryl.
You need to just tell him, sweetie. This is like really easy advice. If somebody can't respect literally something that would kill you, then like maybe don't go on another date. Why is he having so many nuts at dinner? That's such a lunch food. Okay. Almonds are in a lot of delicious sauces. So I think you should take that back. Like what sauces? Start naming. You were just saying Mr. Chow. Name them. You love, you're saying you love Chinese food. It's all kinds. There's all kinds of nuts in Chinese food. Almonds? I don't know. Not almonds. Peanuts? That's not an almond. Peanuts?
We got to call Noah up. He'll know. We could. Oh. Well, there's no almonds in my dinner food. Okay. So I'm a little weirded out by this guy. I prescribe, you know what? I was going to say I prescribe Benadryl, but I also prescribe a conversation. I used to have an addiction to Benadryl. I used to take Benadryl every single night to go to bed.
I understand. There was a time when I was on tour and I was like so too anxious and wired to go to sleep. But I was so worried that my voice was not going to stay healthy if I didn't sleep. And so I did take Benadryl to help me sleep a bunch of times. How many times? Like a couple weeks worth. Okay. Do you know it gives you Alzheimer's? What? Yes. It's a thing. That's why everyone stopped taking it. That's horrific. I know. It's horrible. Sorry. Uh-oh. Oops. Benadryl slander. Yeah.
Hi, Jake. Hi, I'm Ava. Hi, Ava. And I got into San Diego State. Yay! Congratulations.
I'll be attending in the fall. I'm wondering if you think I should rush a sorority. In high school, I haven't been the most social person, and my social battery runs out pretty quickly, lol. I am also worried that I won't like it, and it's kind of expensive. However, I'm wondering if you think it's worth it. Let me know. Is everybody from San Diego? No, but I went to USC, which is like Greek Central, so I can just tell you. Go for it. I think you should rush. I think you should try to rush. There is no harm in trying to rush and seeing your vibes. Okay.
I rushed a fraternity. I made it to the very last round and I did not get it. And you know what? It was the best thing to ever happen to me. And throughout rush, I was like, I feel like this isn't my vibe. And like, you will be able to tell, like you might meet friends in your rush group that you love and you can always leave rush. Like you're not signing a contract. Like you don't have to go to the sorority that you get or that you choose.
So I would prescribe just like giving, if you're, if you're indecisive about it, I would just, I would prescribe rush. And I would prescribe watching house bunny. Hey pussy. Hey, I love your podcast. It has really taught me to laugh about my problems and watch a TV show. Yep. So what's, so my what's wrong involves having a huge crush on my best friend. I have told him how I feel and he does not feel the same. It took some time, but our friendship is back to good.
It was awkward at first and the friendship changed a little, but I still like him and believe he is the only one for me, but he does not like you.
Unfortunately, the advice is that you may have to stick about this person for at least a little while. I think it's so easy to keep someone in your life and tell yourself that it's not because you're holding out hope. But if he's very adamant that this is not what he wants, I think you at least need to take an era or a time in your life where you take some space from the relationship to sort of heal and find other people that you like. And then if the relationship is meant to come back around as a friendship, it will. But I can just feel sense...
I think in this, um, in this little essay here that like the, the, the main reason we are in this friendship is, is, is holding out hope. And I've been there and I'm not judging. I have wanted this from usually like straight best friends of mine. So I, all I can say, I know it's easier said than done is like, maybe just let it go for a second and maybe take a step back. Okay. Once again, literally no notes. Thank you very much. Yeah. Your Saturn has fucking returned. And I would prescribe, um,
my own song and it's called Andrew and it's about unrequited love. Obsessed! So just kind of bringing it back around to the album. Yes! Street Andrew! So we prescribed Andrew and Time Away. And yeah, no notes. Okay, this is the last one. Okay. And it's a good, is a good one. My parents are weird.
Duh. Period. They are very conservative and my brother is gay, so he is scared to come out to them. I also wanted to get on birth control, but they said no. Oh, Jesus Christ. It just got worse. Obviously, it's like, fuck them, but they are actually good parents besides that, and I'm literally 16, so I kind of need some help with college and stuff. So what's the question?
Like how to handle, like what do you do with the parents? Yeah, I guess. Sometimes they don't ask questions. It's more just like because they just want to talk about it. Right. That is hard. That's hard. That is really hard. I am incredibly privileged because my parents, like when I told them I was gay, were like, duh. Yeah, same. This is boring. Do you know I asked for a toy? What? As a present. What did you ask for? I forget. But my mom was like, no.
Wait, what do you mean? I came out and then I said, okay, can I have this toy? Oh, like as a gift for coming out? Yeah. Oh, I see. I thought you were saying like sex toy and I was like, what are we talking about here? Okay, okay, no. Yeah, no. Oh man, that's really hard. I don't know. What would you prescribe? I would prescribe, well she said, my first concern is the fact that she said she wanted to get on birth control but her parents said no. I would prescribe going to, I think Planned Parenthood. If you find your local Planned Parenthood, they will 100% help with that. There's a million and one resources. Honestly,
In the case of this episode, I'm going to research for you and link some resources down here for you to get birth control independently without your parents. Because I would say that's probably the most important thing. And then in terms of your brother, you can't really control your parents' reactions. But as long as you're supportive, I think that's the most you can do. Exactly. Well said. He'll have a great champion in the family and you can stand up for him and they'll come around. Yes. And for this, I prescribe, I guess, whatever resources I'll link below.
And for him, I prescribe like getting his life diva. Okay, so Ben, what did we learn today?
We learned that everyone lives in San Diego. Yeah. We learned that we all need a bed jet. Yes. We learned that my album comes out on May 31st. Yes, and it's called Honey Mind. It's called Honey Mind. We learned that you lie, but then you tell us right away that you're lying, so it doesn't really count. No, it does not count. And we learned that you've been using Akka, and I didn't know. Yes. I have learned a few things. I've learned that you didn't know that I was using Akka. I learned that you're getting married in Brooklyn, and you're an artsy guy.
And I have learned that if you like someone and they're your best friend and they don't like you back, sometimes you have to take a step back. That's what I learned. Beautifully said. Okay, well, Ben, thank you for coming on Therapist. Thanks for having me. Oh, my God. Thanks for being here. Ben's new album, Honey Mine, comes out May 31st. Please make sure to buy, stream, and support Ben. The pussies salute and love you. I love them back. Can you give them a little tense up before you leave? Want to do this? Tense up. No.
Like this? Tense up. Thank you, Ben. Hi, pussies. Put your tents up. Put your tents up. Tents up.