Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hi pussies, welcome back to Therapus. Today for the intro we have a special guest that goes by the name of Bejewels. Bejewels.
So usually for this intro, I guess we usually recap like what we've been up to. So how would you say our weekend went? Horrible. Actually, worst weekend of all time. Why? Like one of the worst weekends of all time. I was really depressed. I can't lie. Like it was a really bad weekend. All right. So Friday night was pretty fun. Friday night we had a great time. Friday night was a solid like 7 out of 10. Maybe a 6 out of 10. Right. But I couldn't drink, which made it not fun. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It was a 6 out of 10. Right. Right.
It was on track, though. And then Saturday took a turn for the worse in every single way. Like, it was that bad. We went to lunch. Lunch. And let me just say something. You need to, like, let us know before you seat us, like, if you're offering a buffet. And if that's the only option. Because that was the only option. And we...
So I actually had every single thing at the buffet. I took a bite of every single thing they offered at the buffet. We had sushi and an omelet. I had sushi and an omelet in the same meal. And needless to say. You had shrimp cocktail. Fried chicken. Shrimp cocktail, fried chicken, sushi, omelet. I think. Peyton had funfetti cake. We had chips and guac. I had mozzarella. Do you remember I spit into that? So I went and got a whole new plate. Yeah, I walked back and the salsa was gone. And I said. I got a whole new plate of chips and guac.
And he kept asking if he could have some of it. Okay. So anyways, it was really bad. Like, I don't know how to emphasize just how bad it was. Yeah, it was. It was. We left that lunch. It was horrible. I, I, the whole day we kept saying, I'm queasy. I'm queasy. Johnny thought it was free. And I said, guys, good news. Like, it's free for me, but it's not free for you too. You three. And you said, looks like it isn't free. And John went.
And then when I told, no, when I told the waiter that he didn't end up getting anything, he looked at me like this. So anyways. Because he, like, didn't get anything. No, he had, like, a few pieces of sushi. He did? Yeah. Oh, that's why he made that face. I lied on his name. He had a few pieces of sushi. Anywho, we felt so sick the rest of the day. And all Peyton wanted to do was go out. All she wanted to do was go out. We had zero plans. We had zero plans. Like, she kept saying, like, let's do something. We're like, what?
We have no friends. What are we going to do? We have no friends. And any friends we did have were gone. Everyone was away. So then we ended up seeing a comedy show, which was like pretty good. It was. Okay. Here's my thing. I had really bad gas. Like if we're just going to be honest during it, like, do you know the type of gas that like you're not farting, but like it hurts like
Like, right there. Like, you were having gas pains. Yeah, I was having gas pains, and it hurt really bad. Like, and, like, especially because, like, it was just, like, an intimate room, and, like, nothing obviously could happen. And Julia felt really nauseous. I was sick. And one thing about Julia is when she feels a type of way, like, she'll let you know. Like, for example, when she couldn't sleep, couldn't sleep. I put it in quotes because, like, I'm sure you shut your eyes. No, I, like, didn't sleep for three days. Like, my eyes were closed for sure, but I was awake.
Okay, so Julia felt nauseous. And honestly, you were being a trooper. You're like, we can stay. But after... Okay, so basically, I find women very funny. I was laughing really hard. Just like every time I laughed, I thought I was going to throw up. Every time I laughed, I thought I was going to fart. So that's like, I guess we can relate on that. You did look uncomfortable. I was really uncomfortable. I'm like...
What did we have? Oh, and we said we weren't going to have dinner because our lunch was so bad. We had dinner. And we had dinner. But the waiter, the waiter comes. He starts bringing the bread over to the table. And we go, no, no, no, no, no, no. And he goes.
Okay, so anyways, the comedy show was like fine. It was funny. Actually, there was one comedian who was like really, really, really funny. Yeah, I forget her name. I'm going to figure it out and put it right here and her photo right here. We were. We were crying laughing. I was belly laughing. I was belly laughing crying at her. She was the funniest person I've ever seen. Ever. Ever.
The comedy show was fine, but then we, it was like midnight when we left. It was, the comedy show was at 1030, so we were leaving at like midnight. The car ride? And so the car ride is what sent me over the edge. We took Sunset like pretty much the entire way home, and it was just, the road is so windy, and I was sitting there like...
And I obviously was like holding in my gas because I didn't want to like make anything bad. But like I was also in pain and we got home. We went right to our rooms. Respectively, we went right to our rooms. We didn't say goodnight or anything. We walked through the front door and we didn't even say anything to each other. We just departed.
I don't even think I smoked a joint. I tried to get ready for bed, like, so quickly because I was so nauseous I couldn't stand you guys. Like, I literally was, like, having trouble standing on my own two feet because I was, like, spinning. Like, I actually thought I was about to blow chops. And, like, let's just be clear. Like, she was the only one who had the shrimp at lunch, so there was cause for concern. Like, she is the only one. And that's where we were like, okay, bitch, like, maybe you shouldn't have had the shrimp that's been laying out at the warm buffet table for four hours. Oh.
Also, like, let me just preface. Buffets are awkward because you have to, like, mingle with people as you pick your food. It was so awkward. We're like, excuse me. When we were waiting...
for the omelet station the girl next to us like that was awkward oh that was awkward especially because the the person making the omelets was like hey like your food's ready and she was typing away and i was like no your your food's ready like it's ready and she wouldn't listen and we were like we just we don't want to talk anyway like and the fact that you're making me do this right now because you're not paying attention it was just like awkward like we all sat down like back to the buffet sorry we sat down and we all looked at each other and we were like
Oh, we've like fucked up. We've made a horrible mistake. First of all, like John wasn't eating at all. Obviously he ate before I switched. So rude. So rude. He does it every time. So I'm trying to get ready for bed like so quickly.
And I'm like, all I need to do is get ready, like, so that I could just lay in bed and go to bed because, like, the world is spinning for me right now. So I get ready and I lay in bed and I'm like, oh, my God, I can't lay here because, like, there's chunks, like, coming up. And you're obviously texting me and I'm, like, half responding, like, half watching TV. And I'm like, no, like, Jacob, I'm really not okay right now. And I was like, oh. He was, like, ignoring. So then I was like, Peyton's probably asleep, but, like, let me just, like, give her a ring. I'm over the toilet.
Also, something about me is I have a really hard time throwing up. When I need to throw up, I don't throw up. I'm not a thrower-upper. I just don't throw up ever. So it's like when I need to throw up, it's extremely uncomfortable. And so I call Peyton, and she's on TikTok, of course, stalking the F1 boys. Yeah, she's on F1 TikTok. She's like, hey, what's up? Whispering? She's home alone. She's home alone. What's up?
And I'm like, Peyton, I really don't feel good. Like, I'm, like, I'm going to throw up. So she's, like, looking up all these remedies for me to throw up. She's, like, drink warm salt water, like, whatever, whatever. 30 minutes goes by. I end up actually projectile vomiting to the point where, like, the toilet was overflowing. And then Peyton delivers.
Peyton sent you. Peyton Uber packaged me like special prescription. Zofran. Yeah, Zofran. Which by the way is really wrong that you can't get that over the counter. It is. It's wrong. It's a necessary job. It's necessary. If you had gotten that 10 minutes before you wouldn't have thrown up. No, yeah, I would have been fine. And Julie said the toilet seat was filled to the brim with throw up. With throw up. Like I probably threw up like a,
A year's worth of food. Like, that's how much I threw up. And then Julia went to bed. And I was like, oh, great. I'll feel better the next day. I woke up still nauseous. Yeah. If you, like, would think our Sunday would be better, it was, in fact, so much worse. It was the worst. It was one of the worst Sundays of all time. I can't even call it a Junday because that's offensive. It wasn't a Junday at all. John didn't come over until 830. What did we do all day?
You know what? We had a great dinner. Yeah, the dinner was amazing. We're going to get it again tonight. Yeah, we're actually getting the same dinner again tonight because that's how much we loved our dinner last night. And then Julia finished Daisy Jones at the six. Oh my God, not okay. So we've been singing all day. Not okay. Baby, baby, baby. Tell me, tell me why. Tell me, tell me why. Do you know who I am? Did we unravel a long time ago? I don't know the rest of the words. Neither do I, of course. But what else happened? Well, John finally came over.
Which was like seeing a fucking Messiah figure at the end. Then we did a self-tape. We did a self-tape. All of us did it together. That was really fun.
And that's really it. It was a horrible weekend. It was a horrible weekend. Like one of the worst of all time. And the sad thing about the weekend is Friday night had the potential to be everything. It did. Everything. And it wasn't. And it wasn't just like, I'm sorry. Like, I'm just going to be like, look, I totally respect if you could have sober fun. I can't. So like I had to be sober and like I was literally just like,
Like, my mouth is dry, you know? Mm-hmm. Okay, well, Julia, thanks so much for recapping your weekend. Of course, dear. Are you, like, already getting ready to leave? I am. Before we leave, Julia and I never together watch, because, like, I have to go back and edit with Nolan the episodes of Therapist, and I hate watching... Oh, is this the MBB? Yes. Oh, okay. This was Mary Beth Barone, and I usually hate hearing the sound of my own voice, and, like, nothing can help me with that. Right. But the sound of Mary Beth's voice...
Jake watched it, like, the first cut with me, and he never does that. And, like, we seriously, like, I couldn't breathe. We were laughing so hard. I almost, like, was laughing so hard that I, like, was snotting. Yeah, Mary Beth Brone is, I think, one of our favorite comedians right now. So we're really excited for today's episode. Anywho, we loved this week's episode. Oh, yeah, it was the best episode ever. We're really excited for you guys to see it. Amazing episode. And we have an Italy-themed one coming up. Jake said he's going to throw moths around.
I said I was going to throw mozzarella at her the whole time. Okay, well, Julia, thanks for coming on. Of course. Love you.
Today we have one of my favorite comedians in this space, Mary Beth Barone. Hi. Thank you for being here. It's so good to see you again. Yes. We were in the same place this past weekend. We were. I actually heard some people next to me kind of freaking out saying, oh my God, that's Jake Shane on the floor. And they were taking videos of you. And I was like, whoa, whoa. I was like, I mean, I could DM him right now. It's not even a big deal.
I'm just kidding. I didn't say I just let them have their moment. I did DM you. But you were great. Like you were not on your phone at the concert. You were on your phone.
You were at the concert. Thank you. I really actually pride myself in that. It was pretty. It was pretty cool to watch. Yeah, I'm pretty. And I was on a date, too. So I like. Wait, because you were asked. Yeah, you were on the Jumbotron. I was on the JT, which many people don't know. Yeah, but you were on the Jumbotron. You got called out by name. Thank you. I tried really hard. And you were with your nieces, right? I was with my nieces and my sister. And did they have fun?
Wow. To be with two teens at an Olivia Rodrigo concert, it's so pure. Yeah. And they had the time of their lives. I saw someone post, they were like, thank God for teenage girls after going to the Olivia Rodrigo concert. And I was like, so true. No, they had such a good... Also, being at a concert that's mostly women, it's just such a calm space. Yeah. No one's pushing each other. Everyone's having fun. Everyone had such cute outfits on too. Yeah. Okay. Speaking of that, such a great point.
My first concert was with a lot of gay men and I was 14. I'm just going to say it was... You're not wearing deodorant. No, it was not a safe space. It was an Azealia Banks concert. Whoa. Sorry, I need a second. I was 14 years old and I was like, gay people are mean? They can be. I was like, wait, did I hurt someone? No.
No, you don't have to. You don't have to. I looked at my British friend. I said, what happened? And she said, I don't know. Well, there's a lot of pain. Yeah. I think there's a lot of pain, but it's good they have spaces to, you know, release some of that. With Azealia Banks. I went to a Charlie XCX concert during the crash tour and I saw a tweet the next day that was like, y'all need to crash into some deodorant.
And I don't know who tweeted it. And if you're listening to this, thank you for that. Because I think about it all the time. And I feel like, yeah, there's a lot of healing to be done with gay people at concerts. Deodorant. There's, yeah. But I think it's good. I think it's great that they were out to support Azalea as well. I mean, I was there to support her. Where, what city was this in? LA? It was New York. What's that one? You know. Small. Terminal 5. Yeah.
How do you just know? It's nothing but the classics at Terminal 5. I've been to so many concerts there. It's the only one I've ever been to. Which concerts have you been to there? I saw Tovla there. Okay. I saw Charlie. I saw, I want to say like Bass Nectar, which is like dubstep. I know who Bass Nectar is. They were at GovBall one year. At GovBall. GovBall.
I mean, I could go on for days about my golf ball experience. But I've been to Terminal 5 so many times. And I'm glad there's some more venues that size popping up in New York. Right. For like, you know, people that are sort of in that like mid-size range. But that'll always be one of the greats. Yeah. Oh, Hoodie Allen was there once. I remember all the girlies were posting their Facebook albums to him. Oh, the Facebook. Yeah. There was a Facebook album of the Bass Nectar concert. Was there really? Yeah. What'd you call it?
I'll have to look it up. Do you remember any of the names of your Facebook albums? One of them was called Insert Overplayed Rap Lyrics Here. I remember that one pretty distinctly. You know, you had to be a little cheeky, a little sassy. Of course. A little mean. I was at the end of the Facebook.
The end of the Facebook era. And it has ended, which is really cool. It's over. I feel like it's over. But it's not because they own Instagram. Yeah. But that's like, I don't think about that. You know, it's like how Disney owns Marvel. They're just so separate to me. I'm like, that's not. But like, yes, technically maybe. Right. But they're so different. Like when I'm looking at Disney stuff and a Marvel thing pops up, that feels wrong. Yeah, it's not the same thing. Disney is like Little Mermaid. Do you like Marvel? I like Spider-Man. Okay. Okay.
I'm a purist and I think the other movies, I'm so happy they exist for those that want to consume them. I just have, I don't have time. Yeah, I did. You did. Okay. I did. I spent two weeks watching every single Marvel movie in order and it ends and I recommend it. It ends with end game. Okay. It goes pretty much downhill after end game and it will change your life. Really? Yeah. Yeah.
It's straight people culture. Well, they tried to get me by putting Gwyneth Paltrow in one. Of course. In a few, really. They threw out a line for me and I said, no, I can't do that right now. I don't have the space for it. You know, I think Gwyneth Paltrow like forgot she was in Iron Man.
I know, which is so fucking sick. Yeah. Sorry. Can I curse on here? Is that, I don't know. Like there's probably kids listening. No, fuck is a curse word. Don't say it at school. You can say it privately with your friends. Yeah. Don't get, don't get in trouble. Don't get sent to the office. I'm so excited to ask you that. So I asked all of my guests this, but is there anything you're a therapist about today? What am I there? Or this week today or this week? Um,
I don't want to get too political, but I'm really scared about just like where things are going. Oh, same. I'm pretty scared. And I'm but I'm not ready to give up yet. Like there have been moments where I was like, fuck it, whatever. Like I'm just going to I can't be stressed about it. But I'm actually I want to keep fighting. Yeah. For what I believe in. It's stressful. Yeah. As fuck. It's really stressful. Because because, you know, sometimes like you read it and you're like, ha ha.
But it's real. It's real. It's not. It's real. It might be a simulation, but it affects people in a real way. I think what's been really on my mind, what's been plaguing me is the mayor of New York City. Is it de Blasio still? I wish. Is it Eric Adams? It's Eric Adams. Okay. Yeah. I didn't know I would wish for the de Blasio days or the Bloomberg days, but it's tough that he represents us on the world stage. Wait, why? I'm not knowing about the mayor. Okay. If you get onto Eric Adams TikTok, you're going to be on the world stage.
Does he make set aside some time? No, but he gets featured in many tech talks. He's featured in many tech talks. He, he says a lot of outlandish things. And he, well, he was on a morning show in New York and someone asked him if you had to describe New York in one word, what would you say? And he said, New York.
And then he said, which is two words, kind of famously. And then he was like, you can wake up one day in New York and planes will hit the Twin Towers. Or you could wake up another day. And I don't remember the latter part because I was so distracted by that first bit. But it's like, I mean, that happened one time. Yeah.
It's not like it's like a common thing. I mean, it was the one time. It was the one time. And it did happen. I'm not here to deny that. No. It just felt like you have your honor. They don't want to talk about that on morning. Like what? Talk about your bodega order. Yeah. Have fun with it. Yeah. But no. And he's putting the National Guard on the subways, which I just. What? Yeah. What the fuck are they going to do on the subway? I don't know. I actually think they should send the entire military down there just to keep them busy. Yeah.
Just send the whole lot of them down there. I don't know. I guess it's like, and also crime is down. So I think it's just a fear monger. I'm really into this new term fear mongering. Wait, that means like, what does that mean again? It's like you're trying to perpetuate an idea that like people should feel unsafe, but they're actually not. I don't know if you guys have that in LA. We do. I'm sure we do. I wonder what they would fear monger for here. Like...
Whenever it rains. Yeah, when it rains. That's true. When it rains. When I just bought a new rain jacket. It's crazy what clothes can do. Because like I hated the rain. Like I made it my entire personality. I was like when it rains, it fucking pours. And like I'm not leaving my room. Well, it's not okay. It's not okay. It's not okay with me. The city shuts down. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do anything. And then I bought a rain jacket.
And it stopped raining. And I'm like, okay. Like, I wouldn't complain about, like, one more time, you know? Right, right. What's the rain jacket situation? Do you want to describe it? Do you want to name drop? We love brands. It's probably. Okay. Well, no wonder you love the rain. Don't act like it's something anyone could do. You're like, I'm making rain fashionable. Sorry. No. Like, it's really kind. Have you ever seen the show Dark? No. Okay. So it's this German show. Okay. Okay.
Okay, cinephile. I know. I love it. And it's about this guy who lives in a German town and it rains all the time. And all he does is wear this not Prada, respectfully. Sad. Yeah, sad. So it's a drama. It's a drama. Yeah. And he does want the Prada rain jacket, but it's actually about time travel, the show too. So he can travel back and get it at a cheaper price. Totally. Which I want to talk about that. Yeah, talk about it. Because these brands are getting a little crazy. Oh. They're getting a little crazy.
little crazy they're getting crazy a bucket hat i purchased two years ago has almost doubled in price from what brand prada so apparently prada is like the in brand right now which you're freaking promoting it no one listening's ever heard yeah we'll gatekeep i mean gatekeep luxury brands for the love of god i am really trying to be like quiet luxury
It's hard with some of the brands now, though, because their logo's on everything. And I do love, I like to showboat sometimes. You know, I want to have that sometimes. But I try not to wear two logos at once. And it's really hard with everything going on right now. Oh, your earthquake. I know. Whoa. Well, there was one in New York. I know. Didn't feel it. Didn't feel it either. Too narcissistic to feel it.
I completely agree. Like what? Earthquake. I'm not thinking about that. No, I was outside walking. I was just like, whatever. Did anyone else feel it that, you know? I think a lot of people did. Yeah. Oh, most people did. Yeah. I like someone was like, can you mark yourself safe? I was like on what? Like, you know, remember when people used to do that on Facebook, but Facebook is over. I know. But someone was like, go mark yourself safe from the New York earthquake. How about this? I'm safe. Wait. So the show.
It is takes us in German town. It rains all the time and he wears a yellow rain jacket and I put it on and I was like, Oh, I'm Jonas. Yeah. His name's Jonas. I figured. Yeah. That's so cool. I'm really glad that you're figuring out a way to like bring rain into your life in a positive way. Yep. And now all I want to do is like,
Take a really subtle photo in the rain in my Prada rain jacket, but like swipe to it So like the first slide is from the back so you can't see it and then the second side you see the logo So it's not like in your face, but like I didn't pay that all that money for nothing, right? No, it should you should definitely but second slide feels very classy to me Luxury quiet luxury stealth wealth and I also bought it from the real real wait I shop on the real real all the time. I love the real real
I love it. Except I bought a hat that was in pristine condition the other day. Never before worn. Sure. And the letters were falling off. Who wore it? Did you email? No, I'm too scared.
Okay. If there's one thing people should take away from it, advocate for yourself. Okay. Email the brands. The person emailing, or yeah, the real, real, like the person emailing you back, it's not going to come out of their pocket and they should like not sell stuff that's defective. Well, it's just the whole story is a bit embarrassing. Like I had,
I can't imagine what it is. Like I had this hat and Beyonce has this song called Most Wanted. My favorite song on the album, if I may say. Really? And so she's driving down the 405. And so I was driving down the 405 and my best friend Julia was like, let's make a TikTok out the window to the 405. So I, and my hat flew off.
And it was like, so it's gone. It's gone. And I had to, I go, Julia, like my real, real account is broken. Please buy this for me. I need a new one. It was very special to me. It said Summerland. And that's like what I, where I like to live.
I that is a really sad story. I don't know if the people listening are prepared for a story like that. I'm being serious. That's like that's really scary. I know I need to put a fucking trigger warning on it. Put a trigger warning on this episode. Hot off. You might be you might be upset by what you hear. I feel like, yeah, replacing that hat is it's my boyfriend calls it life tax when something like that happens. If your hat flies off when you're making a tick tock.
And sometimes you just have to replace the thing and act like it never happened. That's what I did. But I can't act like it never happened when the letters are falling off. Yeah. That's my issue. I'm really sorry. It's okay. And I honestly think that's what I'm therapist about today. Okay. Yeah. I'm glad you got it out. You know what I'm not, but I'm there pleased about? What? I got a tracking number today for my package. Whoa.
Yeah. Okay. So you're riding high right now. I'm riding so high. Nothing could get you down right now. I keep refreshing and it's like at the pace of tracking the package where it's going really fast. Yeah. So it's like updates. Yeah. It's like. Updates are happening. Label scanned. On the plane. Landing. Oh, well, don't do not gloss over label created. That's a really important step in the process. It's the most important, but it's the most like, I don't know what I would refer like, like, uh, oh my God, what's the word related to God. Um,
I think I would relate it to like a movie preview. Yeah. The idea is there. But you know, when it says label created, this does not mean the package has arrived yet. Oh no, definitely not. But then it says the package has arrived at the facility. Yeah. Oh, when the package arrives at the facility, I'm just like, I'm happy. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that in this capitalistic world, like we just derive joy from looking at tracking numbers. It might be the most pure form of entertainment that we have left. It's the only thing that brings me joy.
I'm like, okay, what's your favorite...
favorite corporation to track? Okay, so there's FedEx, there's USPS, there's Amazon, and then there's ShopPay. I have a crazy one to throw out. And this is because my boyfriend's British, so I'm ordering things in Europe sometimes. DHL. I knew you were going to say DHL. The colors are so deranged. To have red and yellow and not be McDonald's is crazy to me. But you know what? I think they take what they do really seriously. So seriously. They're not like, they're like, they're kind of like,
They're hard asses. Yeah, and it gets there fast to the point where I'm concerned. No, I'm like, did you know I was going to order this? How did you do that? But it's pretty, I like it as far as commerce goes. I want to get things quickly. It also like shows up and it has like a little like glossy like red and yellow on it. Oh yeah. And you like get your package and everyone's like, oh, they got something. They got something expensive. It was shipped from abroad even potentially. And wait, can I ask what the package is that's on the way?
Are you allowed to say? Oh, it's bagels. Okay. Wow. Okay. Let's talk about that. So the other package I'm tracking in addition to the bagels is the rest of my Coachella outfits. Okay. You're hitting me with so much. You're going to Coachella. Let's talk about that. What's the plan? What's the outfit? Like, are you getting, did you get a stylist? No, no, no. What's the vibe? Oh, well, my best friend Julia styled me. Of course. Because like, why wouldn't they? Because I would do the same.
And she, she styled me and it's all coming today and tomorrow. The plan for Coachella is I am too cool for Coachella. Right. But not cool enough to not go. Right. So I'm still going at 9 PM every night. Okay. And like a sweater and like sweats. Yeah. Cause it's like, Oh my God, like what? Like I didn't even think I was going to end up here. Right. It's like you actually got dragged there if anything. Yeah. It's like, Oh, like I don't want to be here. I'm here to watch a set. Right. You know, like, well,
Well, it's like, oh, yeah, I'm just here for the set. Yeah. And then I'm leaving right after and I'm going to go back and like just chill. I think that's really cool. Yeah, that's my vibe because I saw Haley and all them did it last year and I was like, oh, that's cool. They were in like jean jackets and stuff and they like look like they really didn't want to be there. I think what people in L.A. don't sometimes understand is that the coolest thing you could do is not do something. Yes. Many, many times. That's why I love L.A. because I dress so slobby.
But not because like to be cool, just because like, yeah, I put on a few pounds since I bought my last jeans, you know? And you shouldn't be like punished for that. No. And so I'll wear sweats. Sweats are the only thing that fit me right now. And it's more of an homage than anything I would say to Miss Regina. It is. What are you thinking about the low Hannah songs?
So I'm happy for everyone involved. I feel like, I don't know if, again, I'm always going dark, but I watched the Nickelodeon documentary and I just feel like justice for child stars is so important. Like the industry really like chewed them up and spat them out. So I just, I'm happy if she's happy. But can I say, I think it was the industry, but I think it was her own family too. That's what's kind of really scary about it. Yeah. Like in so many cases, I feel like it is, it is due to that.
And like, but she's still hanging with them. Like they're going to every event of hers. Like I'm, cause I'm watching every pop shot of her. Cause I love, I love Lilo. Of course. Yeah. Like she was my 2000s girl. Yeah. She was such, I mean, I, I'm happy she's found her way back. And I do wonder how people navigate those relationships with their family. Yeah. But I, my family all has hearts of gold. So I can't really relate. What's your star side? Gemini. I'm, what's your rising and moon? I'm Gemini double Sag. Oh,
Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. Louise, I am this so fitting. We're having this conversation right now. I'm Scorpio double Gemini. Well, and that might be one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I know it's bad. I kind of just slipped it in there so we could like humble for it. Yeah. It's pretty bad. Bury that in the media. And so, but we were having this conversation the other day with someone and he was like, my entire friend group is twin rising and moons because you want to know why I need your self-aware.
Because your rising is how people view you and your immune is how you view yourself. So if you view yourself the way other people view you. We're better. We're better. We're better than others. And what's your sun?
Like my main one? Yeah. Gemini. Gemini, right. Yeah. So your Sag buries your Gemini. Interesting. Because like that's who you think you are, but really you're a Gemini. I think it's also like being a Gemini is, there's a lot of like facets to it and it's good to know that I'm aware of all of them. I think, yeah, I think Gemini is the most discriminated against star sign. I mean, it is. It is. It's really hard. It's really, they have like a bad rep, but it's like,
In the same way that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, like your star sign's in the eye of the beholder. Like why do Geminis have a bad rep? Maybe you're projecting onto us. I don't know. It's like, yeah. And it's like almost feels like a media takedown.
Also, I feel like, well, I don't want to say everyone's jealous. I didn't say that. So I actually didn't say that. And if you're thinking that, then that's because of you. Yeah, that's my own issue. But who would you want as a friend? Who would you want to go to bat for you? Gemini's. They fucking ride. They ride and they're fun. They're your sisters. It's what we do. It's what you do. It's what we do. By the way, that is my favorite moment from your podcast of all time. Finding that. Yeah.
was a really cosmic, speaking of the cosmos, that was a cosmic experience. Like what was your, like when you saw that, like did you guys look at each other like kismet? Well, I knew, I remembered it from, cause I did a rewatch a few years ago. Okay. And then Benny was like, there's this insane line delivery. Like I have to show it to you. And he knew exactly what episode it was. We were in a hotel, we were touring and I was just like, we could not stop laughing. And then we came back to LA. We showed Terry at Terrence O'Connor and I don't know, we were a little bit drunk and
And so we just were like, well, this is the funniest thing that's ever been like captured on TV. And I, we just, we want to get inside the minds of the editor that said like, that's the take. I want to, I want to know what the direction was to say, just like, do you know what? Do something, do a fun take, do something totally different for this one, like totally out of character. And then it, you know, it captured the hearts and minds of America, America and the world, I would say. And Dan Humphrey and Dan Humphrey. Wait, have you, so that was, what's the last show you've rewatched?
I rewatched, it's been a busy few months for me. I rewatched Gossip Girl, Sex and the City, and Girls sort of back to back. I just rewatched Girls.
I think it's better than Gossip Girl and Sex and the City. It's... Well, okay. So I have this thing. There's certain pieces of media that are actually more relevant now than they were when they were made. Girls. Girls is one. Her with Joaquin Phoenix is another one. I need to see that movie. You have to see it. It's like... The fact that it was made several years ago, it will blow your mind. I would say Ex Machina falls into that too for me. But it's just... It's so...
It's crazy when media just like really can do that. Yeah. And girls about like AI. Right. And like isolation and stuff. Yeah. My mom's like it's one of the best movies about isolation ever. It's really good. I need to see it. That's crazy. I think I'm gonna watch it tonight before Coachella. That's a crazy pregame. Yeah. You know what? It's gonna give you the right mindset. I couldn't agree more. That's so funny. You showing up to Coachella just being like I don't want to fucking be here. Yeah. I don't. I'm not. I don't want to be here. But also.
Lana. Who's. Oh, OK. Fucking Lana. Who else has a name? Tyler. Tyler, the creator. Dogecat.
I spice. Wow. Sabrina Carpenter. Chapel Roan. Oh. And all I want to do is see Chapel Roan. I have a story that will make you feel better. Okay. I went to Coachella in 2011. I went with a boyfriend. Whoa. Yeah. This was before it was two weekends, before it was like crazy celebrities everywhere. It was like, this was like grassroots Coachella. It was GovBall. It was GovBall in many ways. Yeah.
I went with a boyfriend who was older than me and all of his friends. Okay. All I wanted to see, the only, the only act I was felt really strongly about was Lauryn Hill. I really wanted to see Lauryn Hill. And I unfortunately was at the behest of these men in their mid twenties. And I, I was like, can we please see Lauryn Hill today? And already my boyfriend was giving me grief because he's like, I'm here with my friends. Like I have to do stuff with my friends. We went to see duck sauce. Yeah.
Instead of Miss Lauryn Hill. Wait, does duck sauce do the Barbra Streisand? Yeah. That's it. Whatever happens this year at Coachella, just know that what happened to me was worse. That is so much worse. Yeah. You saw duck sauce instead of Lauryn Hill? Yeah. She doesn't perform that often. Oh, I know. And I had to really sit with that and say, do I want to be just a cog in a man's machine? No, you don't. Or do I want to exist on my own?
How soon after did you guys break up?
That was April. And then I think we stayed together until the following February. We broke up like right before the Super Bowl. So you were like, I can't do this anymore. I was like, God, too many holidays coming up. Like we have the Super Bowl this weekend. So yeah, we did end things. And it was a, you know, I was younger. He was older, long distance. But Coachella, I was at BC actually. I was still in college, but I did LSD at that Coachella and I decided to drop out of school and it's the best thing I ever did.
Wow. Yeah. So some people have great experiences with LSD. There's highs and lows. Like I just, my fear is like, I'll never get out of the trip. It's not that intense, I would say, but I don't want to also be like, do it. And then if like you, I don't know. Yeah. I'm like, like, like in the hospital, Beth. Yeah. Like Mary Beth, bro. If you die, then like it's blood on my hands. Yeah. No, you would be like, cut it from the podcast. Cut it. Yeah. Cut it.
Yeah. Cut it. Censor that. Okay. Well, I think this is a perfect segue into our tell me what's wrong. Do you know how they work? I think you read them and then we say what people should do. Yeah. And they have to do it or we can sue them. Yes. We can sue them. Cease and desist. And also, I think you're going to be good at this. The prescribing like remedies. Yeah. Because it can be anything. It can be anything. It can be going to Lauryn Hill in 2011 of Coachella. It can be inventing a time machine. Yes. Buying a yellow raincoat. Oh, yes. The yellow raincoat. The luxury brands. We got a lot. We got a lot of good tips here. A lot of stuff.
I was working out and dropped the dumbbells on my penis and screamed and creamed and cried all in front of my crush. Do I kill myself or ask for that number? I think this person needs to touch grass and find God.
How do you even drop a dumbbell on your penis? What weightlifting are you doing in that position? I mean, I'm not a bodybuilder by any means, but I'm curious of the physics of that. I'm also curious about the physics of climaxing after a weight's dropped on it. I guess it's like pain kink maybe, but that feels like a lot to happen in a really short amount of time. Okay, if he has a pain kink, I'm going to prescribe all the Saw movies in order.
That's really good. That's good. Solid advice. Thank you. That's fine. I know why people come to you. Yeah. Also, if people are submitting fake stories, that's really fucked up. And that was giving fake. If it's fake, just know that like we are licensed therapists. And we're on to you. And we're on to you. And don't waste our time. Because that was a waste of time.
And, yeah, you should ask for his number still. But also, does your dick still work? Yeah. Like, I have a lot more questions. I was going to say maybe start from the top because the reason that one was at the bottom is because those were, like, the in case we need. Oh. So that was, like, last resort. That's why it was at the bottom. That makes sense. I'm like, wow, they're pranking me. They said there's a comedian on today. Let's fucking, let's give her a show. No, I was like, that's a wild one to put first.
Whoa. You fire everyone. Yeah. The podcast is over. Do you see the video of Nicki Minaj screaming at her hairstylist on tour? No. Oh, it's the funniest thing in the entire world. Her wig is bobbing and she's screaming. She's bossed up. She's bossed up. And she taught us a lot with that. I love Nicki Minaj. She's so fabulous. Have you seen her bit where she makes them sing The Night Is Still Young and then rips the microphone out of their hand? No. Because they're bad.
Who are they? Like her barbs. She gives them the mic. She goes, can you sing? And gives them the mic and they go, the night is still. And she goes and grabs it before they can even finish. Sometimes they go, no, please, please. And she says, no, you blew it. Yeah. And someone once sang, Nikki is still young. She let them sing for a little while. Well, it's flattery. Yeah. And it will always work. It will always work. The pop girlies.
My best friend has been on and off with her ex for literally two years, and he literally came back to me with a new girlfriend. Wait, what? I just dyslexia. My best friend has been on and off with her ex for literally two years, and he literally came back with a new girlfriend, and they literally got matching tattoos that say no sleep. I kid you not. And now she's not allowing any of our friends to say anything to him, but I just want to tell him how much of a loser he is. He's literally known this girl for five days.
I think, okay, first of all, that's so annoying. And like stop having main character syndrome to the girl, the friend who keeps on and off. People who are on and off, you need to make a decision. So my like my prescription for them is to just like grow the fuck up. Right. Like be together or don't be. That's insane. But he's with a new girl and he got no sleep tattoos and they all want to like ride for their friend. But she's like, just please stay out of it. I think you should all chip in for a cameo from a random celebrity saying that the guy's a loser.
And send it to him. Wouldn't that be so fun? Wow. Like to receive that. Like, I mean, they probably don't have like Snoop Dogg level funds, but like if Snoop Dogg was just like your tattoo is stupid and like leave my friend alone. I think that'd be kind of cool. That was sick. Also, like if he's getting a tattoo that says no sleep.
I think he knows. That's a nightmare also. No sleep. Sleeping is my favorite thing. And Dakota Johnson stole that from me. Really? Because I've always said I could sleep 14 hours a night. Well, have you ever seen the movie Awake with Gina Rodriguez? Oh, girl. I haven't.
It is your worst nightmare. Oh, no. She's not sleeping. No, no. Not only her. The world isn't sleeping. Have you ever seen Bird Box? Of course. Okay, so it's like Bird Box, but instead of seeing things, no one can sleep. And everyone in the world starts to go crazy. And she's like making her way through the world, like ripping her hair out to find a cure for this paranoia. How did this miss me? I have never heard of this movie. How recent is it? Like two years.
Okay. Wow. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get my shit together. I honestly think I might rewatch that right after her.
a double feature. They call it, they're calling it a double feature. Yeah. It's not, it's not a, what is it? Oppen Barbie? Oh, Bar, Barbenheimer. Barbenheimer, which by the way, we listened, we were listening to your season finale and we couldn't agree more that it's time. We're done. The press tour of Barbie has what? It's two, it's two years. I, we had such a good time. It was so fun. And now it's time for different stuff. Right. Which is awesome. Yep. You know what? It,
I'm happy it put feminism into so many people's minds. I think in that way, it's a great, I don't know. I don't know. Cause I don't, they're not people. I only hang out with coastal elites, so I don't know. I don't know what they're thinking, but I think it's good to have discourse sometimes, except if it's in my comment section, then I don't really care. I don't want that. Keep it away from me. Keep it away. Disagree with me. Yeah.
Yeah. Or don't say anything. Nothing at all. How about this? Screenshot, send it in a group chat. Yeah, I would prefer that. Not my problem. Yeah. And not my business. The comment section almost feels like they're like talking behind your back in front of you. Yeah. I'm like, you know, I'm getting a notification, right? My friend is in a really toxic relationship. They have broken up probably five times, most because he cheated. Oh, damn. She will get so mad when we tell her she deserves better that we gave up.
I don't think there's anything they can do, to be honest with you. Yeah, I guess just keep trying and eventually she'll be fed up, most likely. Yeah. I think... What should we prescribe? What should we prescribe? Toxic relationship on and off again. Maybe have a group session of watching He's Just Not That Into You. Okay, yeah. Because that has a lot of really good stuff in it. Or I'm trying to think of...
Like a reality show where they break up and get, oh my God, Jersey Shore. They give up on Sammy and they write that note. And you know what? Sometimes we can learn from TV. Yeah, we can learn from both Johnny and Snooki. Did you watch Jersey Shore? I did. I watched like the first three seasons probably. Oh, it's some of my favorite.
Also, one time JWoww was at a bar in my hometown. Really? She's lovely. Yeah. You know, I met a lot of the cast. I met Snooki. I was 10 years old. I made my dad take me to a book sign-in. She wrote a book? Yep. How to Be a Gweedette. I made my dad take me to a white... That's actually on the shelf. There's multiple copies. We should get that for the shelf.
I made my dad take me. I was 10 years old. He took me to Barnes and Noble for a meet and greet. And then after that, I was at Korean barbecue and Yonkers. And I ran into Ronnie and Sam. I said, mom, that's Ronnie and Sam. I was 11. What a huge day. I know. Then I recently met JWoww and Mike, the situation.
I love Mike the situation. Like the name is so cool to me. Right. Like it was like, that's the name. That's the name. I'm still waiting on meeting Polly D though. Wait, you know what sticks in my head to me all the time? I'm thinking I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet. Yeah. Cause right. That's like so fucking sick. It's sick. And it's like the OG housewives tag on. Also after I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
And that's page one of how to be agreed at. How to be agreed at. And then what's Snooki's again? And then it's parties here. And then Angelina says, um, hello. That's cool too. It's so simple. Yeah. And Polly D's is, no, Vinny's is go Vinny, go Vinny, go Vinny. Mike says, all right, we got a situation. And then, um,
Pauly D is, I don't know. And then Ron's is. So in that, from that I'm taking Pauly D should have done more. Because we can't remember. For the life of me. Clearly that's a core memory for you. Burned in your brain. He's like smiling at the camera. I get crazy. I can't remember it.
Sorry, Polly. Sorry. My roommate and friend just got engaged to someone I hate. It happened over spring break and the wedding is set to be this August. I am afraid she is rushing this and it will end in disaster. And they gave me their number to call them. And I think you're going to give really good advice over the phone. Wait, why are so many people hating their friends' partners? I don't know, but that seems to be the- This is the real epidemic. Yeah. COVID's over. COVID is fucking over and it's the roaring 20s. It's the roaring 20s. Okay, they have a butler.
You better keep this in. When you have finished recording, you may hang up. Okay, should we leave a message? Yeah. Okay, hi, it's Jake, Shane. I'm with... Mary Beth Brown. Yes, and we are here to tell you about your friend who just got engaged whose partner you hate. So, Mary, I'll let you take it off.
So I would say it can be really hard in this situation. Honestly, most of the questions we've gotten today are about people who do not like their friends, partners. My advice would be you. I think you can say something respectfully just so that you've kind of said your piece. And if it does go up in flames, you know, you can sleep easy at night, which we know sleep is so important.
I would also say just like- Stream Awake with Gina Rodriguez. Exactly. Stream Awake with Gina Rodriguez. And I would also say just be prepared that if it does end terribly, you just have to be there for your friend and leave the I told you so at the door. Just be supportive. And unfortunately, things end sometimes. But hey, maybe she'll come out stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And Kelly Clarkson said that. Yeah. And if Kelly Clarkson said it, then you know it's true. Okay. And we don't even know your name, but I feel like I know you and your British butler voicemail.
Anywho, we love you. How fun for that person. I know. She's going to get an awesome voicemail. Yeah. Oh, my God.
I posted something very specific about a guy on a private story that I thought I took him off of. Yeah, comma, he saw it. He started typing but didn't say anything and sent me a snap. I haven't opened it. I posted on my story. I'm so done posting things for a dare, but I'm dying. That's a great cover-up. I'm obsessed with this being written by a 13-year-old. Yeah. You have a lot of life left to live. You will not remember this in five years.
I would say weaponizing private stories and close friends. It's a risky game. It's a risky game. Screenshots exist. You never know who's going to see it. So I would say just presume the whole world can see it. Yeah. Fuck. Private stories were never that private ever. No, they've never been private. I mean, I'm screenshotting them, especially on Instagram because it doesn't tell the person. Have you ever gone? Oh, yeah. That's fucked, by the way. Oh, OK. Well, there's a part two to this story. This is the sequel. Hello. Hello.
You're lying. Wait, no, I'm not, but I do want to hear more. Wait, first of all, what's your name? My name's Ainsley. Okay, I'm sitting here with Mary Beth Barone. Say hi. Hi. We thought you were going to be British. No, your voicemail is a British man. No, I'm not. Okay, well, so your friend just got engaged and you hate them. I love my roommate and I love my friend. Not a huge fan of her now fiancé.
Oof, like, does she watch this podcast? Well, we can always, like, mask your voice. Okay, cool. So, can we do that? Oh, Mary says this is a great way to start the conversation with your friend. Do you want to tell her? No, because she's moving away, so I'm really scared that, like, if she moves and then maybe...
Yeah, I think you should keep it, like, such an open dialogue. And what, something that is raising a red flag to me is, so they're engaged but they haven't lived together yet? No, they haven't.
Well, hey, you could be totally safe because it could all fall apart. If he's a mess, he's not replenishing the soap, he's not buying snacks for her, he's living like a pig, you could be in the clear. Right, and then you wouldn't have said anything at all, and then it's fine, and then you can just kind of like nod to yourself like, I told her so. Exactly. You and your other friends can start a group chat without her to talk about it. But I think, you know what, just be there for your friend and make sure she knows that if it's not working, she should say something. Yeah.
It's okay. She can change her mind up to saying I do. That's what a lot of people forget. So true. Right? And it seems like you care a lot about your friend, which we can hear, and you want her to still come to you. So, yeah, maybe not saying something is the right move, but then, you know, if she's ever having a problem, you could push her in the breakup direction. You know what I mean? Be a little, you know, you know what? We love you. We prescribe. What? We love you angrily, right?
Ainsley. Ankly. It's British. Sorry, I thought it was the British of it all. Ainsley, I love you. We prescribe. I prescribe 13 going on 30 because she breaks that engagement off. Oh, yes. Okay, Ainsley, we love you. Be well. Ankly. Because I heard Ankly and then I panicked.
You were making me laugh at one point. That's my fault. Blame the woman in the room. I've always said that. As a gay man, you can blame women for anything. Really? And not enough gay guys are doing that. Okay. Or actually, maybe they are. I think they're doing it a little too much.
A friend is literally copying me. Oh, fuck no. I hate that. That's fucked up. I noticed this a while ago, but didn't tell anyone because they would think I was narcissistic. But she would constantly ask me where I got my clothes and buy them. You know what I say? Buy more expensive shit. Put it on the plastic. Go to Prada and say, oh, you want to know where my raincoat's from? It's from Prada. Yeah, and she'll be like...
She'll start shaking. You know that scene in Bridesmaids where it's like, oh, eat an almond. And she's like... And she's totally shaking. She's like...
So good. That's what you'll tell your friend. No, you know what? That is really tough because it's hard to broach that. But I think there's a way of saying it where you could just be like, I totally love that I'm on the mood board, but I feel like it's important to have our own distinct style. Go shopping together maybe and you can buy different things. But obviously she sees you or he or they see you as someone who is very stylish. So you don't want to offend them. But I think there's a way of just saying like,
But like then she'll be like, oh, well, you're so narcissistic. Why would you ever think that? That's not a good friend. Yeah. And you know what? When you know what I say to that photo evidence is your best friend. Oh, yeah. So start snapping pics. Start. Get your fit. Build a case. Yeah. Build the case. Build the case. Because no, a prosecutor can't just be like you're arrested. Right. You need you need probable cause. Yeah. Probable. So I think my my prescription would be to watch Aaron Brockovich, the movie about the lawyer. Yeah.
Single mom who works at a law firm. That's a movie? That's a movie. Who's Erin Brockovich? Julia Roberts. You got a lot of movies to watch before Coachella. Okay, so it's a triple feature. That is a sacred text, Erin Brockovich. I believe she won the Oscar. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, so it's her? Mm-hmm.
Mm hmm. What was the next one? Single mom. No, no, no, no. It was what was my triple feature? It was her. It's it's it's her. I thought you were saying it's Julia Roberts. And that's what's tough about naming a movie, a pronoun. It's her. It's Erin Brockovich. And it's a wake. Right. And should we finish it off with a wake?
I guess because you'll want that energy. Yeah. Or like awake to start it off. Maybe. So it's like you'll have it in your head like I can't sleep. I think I think what could really work is awake. Erin Brockovich and then and then her. OK. And then you go watch. I agree. Lana Del Rey. Yeah. Oh good pregame. Good. Really. Are you a Lana girl.
I am not. Whoa. Yeah. Really? Yeah, which is interesting and I know really unique, but I guess I'm just quirky. I'm a Katy Perry girl in my heart through and through. I heard she's having a comeback. You know, she never left. And that's what people won't tell you. Yeah. The woman never left. You listen to Witness? I listen to Witness. I listen to Smile. Yeah.
So don't come for me. Don't come for me. Daisy. Daisy. Daisy has got me through the pandemic. Daisy's a sick song. I don't know why. It's almost like people shunned her. She was like, I'm releasing new music and only the Katie cats cared. She's had a target on her back for a long time. And despite the fact that she has the best Super Bowl halftime show ever, I would venture to say. Ooh. And five. Beyonce. Look.
We're coming from different walks of life. Okay. For me, it's Katie. Okay. I think it's cool that Beyonce has done multiple. She has done multiple. And she's definitely in the top three, I would say. Who's your top three? Katie? Honestly, and this is crazy, but I think it's so cool that Aerosmith, NSYNC, and Britney Spears did it because Britney Spears was dating Justin Timberlake at the time. Can you imagine playing the Super Bowl halftime show with your boyfriend? She did it with Justin Timberlake? Yeah, all three of them. Aerosmith brought both of them on as guests.
I believe. Don't fact check me. We don't fact check on my podcast. So if that's just true, what I just said is true. But isn't that cool? What does Aerosmith have besides? And I don't want to miss a thing. I think they have Liv Tyler, obviously daughter of Steven. But I think they have other songs. I've been told, you know, who Steven Tyler reminds me of. Who's the guy that did Rock of Love?
Oh, oh. Bret Michaels? Bret Michaels. I get them confused. It's the aesthetic. It's a big aesthetic. I used to watch Rock of Love. Then I watched Charm School. And I watched Flavor Flav. Flavor of Love. Yeah, Flavor of Love. And I watched Tila Tequila Takes a Shot at Love. So you're highly educated. I'm very educated in the reality TV space. Yeah. Like everything, VH1. That's currency. That's currency. I'm not educated in like the really like...
intelligent, literate movie scene. Like I just watched The Godfather. I still have not seen it. Okay, so it's, you know what? And you're going to watch it and you're going to agree with me. It's a coming of age movie.
I love that. I love that spin. Yeah, because I'm not going to spoil it. I love spoilers, though. Oh, okay. So basically, it's about this guy named Mike, whose dad is... Mike the Situation. Yes, but it's about Mike the Situation and Snooki. And his dad's the godfather, and his dad, you know, sustains injury, and he has to come of age to become the godfather. That's coming of age. It is, by definition, coming of age. Like, whether you would like to believe it or not. I think...
I think sometimes straight guys put movies into a box and then until it's seen by a queer and female audience, it's like, it's just one thing. But you know what Katy Perry once said? What? I'm not just one thing. Not a lot of people know that. A Katy cat. She's a Katy cat. I love Katy Perry. Me too. I mean, it's one of those artists where it's like, where were you when you heard them for the first time? I remember when I heard a kiss to girl. Yep. That's me too. It was a huge track for me. And a lot of people come for that song because it doesn't represent.
represent like everyone's queer experience. But as a, as someone who was raised Catholic and I was like, Oh, kissing girls is fun. And then later would come out as bisexual. That song was important to me. Yeah. Yeah. That song's amazing. It's a really good song. Yeah. That's not. And then what else, what else does she have on there? She also was like, you're so gay on the same album. Oh my God. One of the boys. Yeah. She has, um, hot and cold, hot and cold. I think
Don't quote me or fact check me, but I think Waking Up in Vegas is on that album. It is 100% on that album. And then I also think it's not the one that got away thinking of you. Yeah.
With Kyle XY in the music video. Yeah, and he's like a war hero or something. A soldier. Yeah, that song changed my life. He's fighting for our right to freedom. The last great soldier. The last great one. It's crazy how Katie and Lady Gaga kind of just blew up at the same time. God, what an amazing time to be on earth. I wonder if people at the time were like, I was young, but I was a big little monster. But people that were like 20 were like, what a cunt time this is.
We knew. And I know that, I know this for a fact because I was on Tumblr. I was a Tumblr girl at the time and people were, we, we were rejoicing. Like we knew we had it so good and we knew it would never be that good again. It's never, ever. And it never has been. Katie and Gaga. Gaga, no one was doing it like Gaga. And the Gaga Madonna beef of it all. Oh, it's all just so fabulous. That's culture. That's culture. Oh God. And then she was on Gossip Girl.
We had a lot. We weren't thankful. I will say we could have been more thankful in looking back. I have a lot of gratitude. Yeah, and it's in the moment. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. Okay, I think this is our last one. Or maybe I'll do another one of the... Cuckoo ones? Ooh, I like this one. I think that's my last one.
I had a sugar daddy that flew me out to Florida where he lives. He paid for my flights and all my food, and I even stayed with him for free. I mean. Well, that would be insane if he charged you for room and board. My problem is he's almost 70 and refuses to let me drive. I'm 23. He is not a good driver, and all week I felt like I was going to die. He argued that he would rather drive because he wants me to sightsee, which I guess is kind of romantic, but still, my life is more important.
This is such an important issue for people in their late teens all the way into your early 30s. Advocate for yourself in the car. Yeah. If someone's driving in a way that makes you feel unsafe, it is so fucking scary. And I would rather like be a little annoying to someone and not die ultimately than be like, oh man, I wish I said something from up in heaven. Right. One time though, like my friends that kind of have like anger issues with that. Like I was in the car with someone and I was like, yo, like the phone.
The phone drives me insane. The death stare I received. I was like, look, I'm sorry, but like, I'm just having a moment of anxiety. I normally, I don't care, but like right now I'm like, you're tapping away and like the light's green. I know that person doesn't have a double, double sign in their chart because they are not aware. They don't. They're not self-aware. They don't. And you know, apparently it's for people that have double signs, they really click. And like, it's hard to be friends with people that aren't double signs after you start becoming friends with people with double signs.
You should not get behind the wheel. Ask for someone's chart. Forget on dates. Before you get in a car with someone behind the wheel, ask for their chart. That is so scary and disrespectful. Yeah. It's also illegal. It's not like we're being like prudish. Yeah. It's illegal because people get in accidents all the time. All the time. I got into an accident in an Uber once.
But it was an insurance scam. And I'll tell you why. Tell me why. So I'm in my Uber and suddenly the car stops once and then stops twice. And on the stop twice, like obviously it and it like crashes and t-bones. And I'm like crying. Like I run out of the car with one flip flop on like sobbing my eyes out. OK, so you're down bad. Yeah, I'm down. Freaking out. And we were across the street from we were across the street from a hospital.
And I was like, oh, just my luck. And so I'm on the phone with my dad hysterically crying. Just my luck. And this guy taps me and he goes, hey, can I talk to your dad? I'm an insurance guy. And I'm like, double luck? What the fuck luck is this right now? And he's like, hey, to my dad, he's like, I got you. I actually represent people that get in Uber car crashes.
And my dad was like, oh, okay, thank you so much. Can you give the phone back to my son? And then I'm like, dad, how fucking great. Like, kismet. What luck. It's kismet. And he's like, no, Jake, that's a scam. So it was a scam. It was a setup scam.
They're not they're they're not unheard of they're not and so that's why I can never drive because every time now That's why you can never drive. I pull up to like a t-bone section. I clench my body clenches. That's really scary Yeah, but you didn't sustain any injuries. No, I mean I had a little bit of like seatbelt burn Yeah, wait, that does really suck and it's really scary I think road safety is like so important and it's not even it's like not even a joke like oh you are like
Driving is community based and you're only on the road is only as safe as the least safe driver on the road. How? I just like I just that's an analogy from you're only as happy as your least happy child, which my mom says sometimes because she has six kids. But yeah, the road is only as safe as the least safe driver on the road. And you just come up with that. I just did just in the moment. That was fucking crazy. I told you having an old lady on this podcast would spin gold. Right. So I hope I didn't disappoint. You've spun platinum. Yeah.
Like, actually. But yeah, please drive safe. Like, seriously, it's scary. I prescribe, I think, Clueless because remember she can't drive and gets on the highway. Oops, sorry. Yeah, like, she's a virgin that can't drive. Yep. Sounds like this 70-year-old guy is too. But you know what I say? I'm so happy that she's profiting. Okay, and I think I have one more for us. One more. I found my stepmom's dildo and vibrator. I want to kill myself now. Please send help. Girl, stepmoms need to get an N2.
Why were you snooping? Why were you snooping? Mind your business. Mind your business. And for that, and my prescription, the song Mind Your Beat by Britney Spears. Britney Jean Spears. I need to listen to that song. Mind your beat, mind your beat. It's recent. It's a recent song. Yeah. You know what I prescribe? What? You know the movie with Shia LaBeouf where his next door neighbor is a serial killer? Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you talking about Disturbia? Yes. Yeah. One of the greatest horror movies of our time. And he shouldn't have snooped because then it would have been all fine. If he didn't snoop, he would have never been in that situation where he was almost murdered. So that's what I prescribe. You know what else he did? He was on house arrest. Yeah.
Yes, he was. God, Shia LaBeouf was hot back in the day. There's also a big car accident scene in that movie. Whoa. So this is very topical. It opens on a huge car wreck. This is one of the best episodes of Prescriptions I've ever had. We're just out here to help people. I'm all about helping people. Me too. I don't know about you. I don't know if you started this out of self-interest or because you want to help people, but. You know. It's a mix of both. I like hearing myself talk.
You're really good at it. You're also, you're a great like podcast host. You keep the conversation going and you're like, I've definitely been on some podcasts, which I'll tell you offline. Cause I love naming names. Sometimes it feels like it's my podcast. Oh, I hate that. And I don't, I like when it, I'm a, I'm a guest in your home. Oh,
I mean, you've got this. You've got the bar card. We're in the office. It's like I want to feel like I'm in your space. You are. But I almost feel like I think you're such a star that I'm in your space too. Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, speaking of endings, what did we learn today?
I think we learned that people do not like their friends' partners, and that's a huge problem. And much like safe driving, I think it's always okay to express concern about a partner's behavior. Yeah. But you never want to come from a place, you always want it to come from a caring place because you don't want to damage the relationship. Because the worst thing that could happen is your friend is with a bad partner and they have no friends.
And it's like you don't want to come off as like I just hate the partner because then that friend's going to be resentful. It's like, no, I care about you. Yeah. I think also interrogate whether you don't like the partner or whether you miss the friend being like you miss being that friend's number one priority. I agree. Sometimes I think it's both and that's okay. But then it's like, are they really a bad partner or they're just not someone you would date? Right. Because that's a great point. And you know what else I think we learned? The road is only as safe as the least safe driver. Right.
Dash Mary Beth Barone. And I dropped the mic and break it. 2024. I smashed the bar cart. Yeah. I totally leave this place in shambles. Sorry. Honestly, like I think it would be okay. Louise would be like, it's fine. Yeah. As long as the cameras are rolling. Yeah. Thank you for coming on Therapist. Thanks for having me. You give a little tense up. Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies. It's this. Yeah. It's one thumb down.
Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies. Put your tents up. Put your tents up. Tents up. Smart cookies.