Session 08: Harry Jowsey
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Hi pussies and welcome back to Therapist. Today we have Harry Jowsey. He just announced his new podcast, Boyfriend Material with the Unwell Network. So yay for him. We are so, so excited. Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you about what happened to me this past week because I've been just patiently waiting.

I met a guy at an after party last March, so almost a year ago. We followed each other on Instagram. I'm like, okay, like we're flirting, like whatever. And then I kept seeing him. I kept seeing him. We kept flirting. We kept DMing. We kept kind of texting, trying to make plans. It never happened. Whatever. Finally, this trip in New York, he's like, do you want to hang out? I'm like, I am there. Like, you know, like I'm fucking desperate as can be. Like I am there.

So I'm leaving the Tommy Hilfiger fashion show, which was like my first fashion show. But I was dressed in denim denim, right? I was dressed in denim on denim. Let's start here. He sends me the drink place we're going to. Drink location. Perfect. Want to meet here at 930? And I said, perfect. Let me change from my show wear. Ha ha ha ha ha. And he said, ha ha ha ha ha. Did you walk the runway? And I said, no. I'll show you videos, though. I'm in head to toe denim. And he said, hot.

So I'm like, okay, maybe I don't have to change. Like, I hearted the message. And I said, okay, fine, I'm coming in my outfit. We got there. Okay? Like, and then he's like, okay, I'm going to get there a little earlier. Whatever. I get there. We're talking. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, what are the vibes? What are the vibes? We finish a drink. And then I'm, like, talking about my day. And I reference, like, what we're doing as a date. I'm like, and then I came to this date and whatever, da-da-da-da. And he goes, oh.

I'm going to stop you right there. And he was like, what'd he say? He was a little nicer than that. The whole thing wasn't nice though. So I'm not going to give him credit. He was like, Ooh, um, I just want to, he stopped me in my tracks. He stopped me in my tracks and goes, I just want to be fully transparent. Um, I don't want to hook up with you. I said, Oh, got it.

Okay. And then he like kept explaining it. Like, it's not like, I'm just, you know, it's hard in the gay world. I'm like, no, no, no, for sure. But like, we had been talking for a year. So I'm just like, definitely a little confused, but like, I'll let it ride. And I'm like, no, no, no, totally. Like whatever. I'm like, honestly, like I'm, I'm not trying to impress him anymore. Like, I'm just going to talk about myself. Like, that's what I'm going to do. So I started talking about myself. I'm like, oh my God, like, I can't believe I'm going on like a platonic date right now. Like on a Friday night, this is so awkward. And,

And he was like talking, talking, talking. And then I'm like, oh, my friend Cassidy like really needs me to meet her. And he like kind of mimicked me and was like, oh, like Cassidy, how he said it wasn't a date. And I'm like, like, yeah, that is what's happening. And then he was like, what did he do?

And I'm like, fuck, this is actually really awkward. I can't believe this is happening. A pussy comes up to me. Hi, whoever you are, hello. If you are watching this, you're going to die. Because he comes up to me, this pussy, is like telling me like, I'm like, oh my God, hey girl. I'm like, honestly, thank fucking God. Like, I can't do this anymore. I'm feeling so awkward. And he starts talking to me. He's like, I'm so sorry. I'm interrupting your date. And I'm like, oh, like, no, it's not a date. But like, I couldn't say that. But like me and this guy had made eye contact. Like, fuck, this is so awkward. Yeah.

Then the guy starts pitching to be the producer of my podcast live show. After he had told me he didn't even want to date me. And then I called a car and I went home. No, sorry. I went out. But yeah, so that's what like led up to my Valentine's Day mental breakdown. If we're going to be honest, like that's the moral of the story is like if you pussies remember, like I had a really big breakdown this Valentine's Day. Like it was because of this. Like I was like, oh my God, I'm so alone. And like I'm suffering.

As a reminder, go to passthatpuss.com and click tell me what's wrong to tell me what's wrong. And you can also click tell me what's wrong and send me your number. And honestly, maybe we can have a call about your problem. If you put your number in at the end of a problem, I would love to call you and talk about it. Okay. I love you, pussies. Harry! Harry!

Harry, we have Harry Jowsey in with us today. Hello, Harry. Okay, I need to ask you a question. Oh my God, okay. What does pass the puss mean? Okay, do you want the long story or the short one? We're on a podcast, do the long story. Okay, so basically I made an octopus account my senior year of college called Pass That Puss.

And that's past that puss. And then I tried to make that my TikTok username, but they wouldn't let me. So I made Octopus Lover with two S's. Okay.

Okay. What's with the octopuses? Have you ever had octopus? Have I eaten it? Yeah. It's great. But did you watch like Octopus Lover on Netflix? No, no, no. No, no, no. Because they are smart, those creatures. And I don't want to feel like I'm eating something with a brain. Wait. So it wasn't because you just, it wasn't because you had an octopus and you like loved it and it was like really cool. It was because you just love eating them. Yeah. It was sick. Grilled puss is my favorite thing in the entire world. Grilled puss is great.

I'm dead ass. I love eating puss too. What? But you know what's disgusting, and I'm going to be honest? Raw puss. But I said I don't discriminate against puss. I'm serious. I love raw puss. Really? We're talking about different things. I think different things. But raw puss, it needs to have the proper texture of like salmon almost. No, that's the taste of salmon, the texture of like –

A little firmer sashimi, but I just find it disgusting. I only like grilled puss, and I hate boiled puss. I've never met someone that loves puss enough to make it a whole brand. It was my favorite thing. It was like if I had an extra $20 in my allowance, I'd go get octopus. What? Yeah.

It's an expensive luxury. This is fucking crazy. I've never heard of someone loving octopus that much. It's amazing. It has a little bit of mercury in it, I think, so I try to, like, air on the side of, like, once a week, but I used to do it, like, four or five times a week. Wow. Like, do you like calamari, or is that just too mainstream? No, that's Puss's cousin. Oh, okay. Yeah, they're cousins. Oh, my God. They only see each other at, like, family gatherings and stuff, so I don't really have calamari all that often, but, like, sometimes calamari's in town and Puss isn't, a.k.a. it's not on the menu, and...

It needs a better name, like Kelly or something. Yeah. I almost did send that squid. Wow. Because it's a squid. Wow. But squids ink. They're messy. Ew. Yeah. I don't think puss do that. Clean up your act. I know. That's what I think. Yeah. Well, Harry. Well, thank you. I was on the drive over here. I was like, I really want to know what it means. Like, I just, yeah, it was throwing me off. That's what past that puss is. Had I known you had such an interest in this, I would have ordered puss for us.

Well, you know what? We always have next time. We do. Oh, my God. Yeah, I need to take – well, have you had – last question. Have you had any puss in LA that's your favorite? Because I'll tell you my favorite. No, I think in Australia it was the last time I had puss. Uh-huh. Yeah, it was by the ocean. Is it good there? It's always good. How's the seafood there? The best. We got a lot of sea and a lot of food. It was great. What is Australia, like, known for food-wise? More like brunches and stuff, I think.

Because like everyone's up early, everyone's by the beach, everyone goes get a coffee and we're really good at coffee. What time do you wake up in Australia? Like six, five or six. You actually? Yeah, because like the birds are so fucking loud. I live on a farm. So like we'll wake up like you can't really not wake up because it's so loud and they're just yelling at you. So you're like, all right, we'll get up. And then what time do you go to bed usually? Probably eight, nine.

what a life what are you what time are you gonna bed last night i went to bed at two what what are you doing i was finishing my netflix show which was griselda no i saw your story and i'm gonna watch that next you have to is it good it's actually insane i love sophia vergara she is the most incredible actress like that was wild i was watching that there's so many twists and turns

And then I was like Googling it because I'm like, there's no way this is real. It's fucking crazy. Was she like a Coke kingpin? Pretty much. And then I'm not going to spoil it, but some other shit happens and she's just like a goddess. And I'm like, you know, I might start flipping drugs. Yeah. I look straight at my publicist. No, I think I'm going to watch it next. I was watching this show called The OA.

It was cancelled after two seasons. So I don't really know what ended up happening, but it was really good. And that's where you were watching last night? Yeah, I finished it. Have you seen Married at First Sight?

It's a really big Australian show. If you want to get addicted to a reality show, you should watch that one. Because I got Alison Hannigan hooked on it. And she, like, will text me, like, a description of each episode. And I'm like, it's... These people get married at first sight. Do you, like, win money or something? What's the point of this? No, it's just, like, people like myself who are hopeless at love and just want to go on a reality dating show. And they do that. But the issue was when they did it in New Zealand, the people actually got married and they had to get a divorce. And, like, people, like, lost half their shit.

Wait. So they canceled it there. But does that not happen in Australia? No, it's like fake. It's a fake wedding. But then people's like, why I sleep with other people? And then they all meet up at the dinner and like, you fuck Josh, blah, blah, blah. And it just like goes down. I once saw the craziest reality show. It was, I forget. I wonder if this was real actually, or a dream I had. No, it must be real. The premise was, it was these people who,

And it was like they would show you like they would like stay in different houses and then like they would create these scenes out of AI and like show this person's partner. And it was like them making out with someone else. I've heard about this. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. This is a real show. Yeah. So it wasn't a dream. No, no. But it would be a good dream though.

Really? It'd be a crazy dream if your brain could think of, like, AI stuff. I guess. Oh, AI. Shout out, AI. Do you ever use AI for anything? Yes. I use a Snapchat AI. Just to talk? Yeah, like, hey, what's up? My friend Peyton does that. Really? She chit-chats with it. It's fun. I was, like, asking it, like, about, like, how many calories should I have in a day? It answers? Yeah, yeah, because...

I was talking to one of my friends about how easy it is to just make a meal plan and stuff. I'm like, look, I'll show you. You just ask it how many calories I should have throughout the day and then what I should eat, and it will give you a whole plan.

Then you don't have to spend money on a sausage nutritionist. Well, even though they're probably really good. No, I don't think they're all that good sometimes, actually. Yeah, do you use it? A nutritionist? No, AI. Nutritionist, I should. AI, no. AI, I use chat GBT sometimes just to see what's up. It feels almost like Omegle for me.

Just in that type of weird corner of the internet that I shouldn't be on. Yeah, I feel naughty when I'm on it. Yeah, I feel naughty. I'm like, what are you wearing? I feel like it knows my address and it's going to come take me. I don't really know. So I don't use AI that much. But I've been meaning to ask you. Oh, shit. I start off my...

with, well, actually, this is the second time I'm doing this, so. Okay. Oh, my God. It's a segment called Therapist, and is there anything that pissed you off this week just so we can air it out now? Oh, what's something that really pissed me off? Damn, there was so much stuff. Oh, love. Um.

What does the last person say? What did they say? What's something that pissed them off? What is something... I think it was... What pissed you off this week, actually? Okay. Because I got a few. I had the most manic day ever yesterday. What pissed me off yesterday? What pisses me off is...

When I have a lack of urgency, or no, no, sorry. When I have a sense of urgency and someone else has a lack of it. Oh, it drives me fucking crazy. I literally want to wring their neck. Yeah. Like I imagine doing bad things. You know what place has the worst sense of urgency? And I'm really sorry if you have a brand deal with this place. And I've done a brand deal with them once before. Really? I'll bleep it out. They take... Forever? It is like they are...

I could walk to Arizona and back and my s*** is still waiting to be s***. Not to be a cunt, but like I'm in line and I'm like, is there not a more effective situation for what's going on? It is out the f***ing door and down the block. It's not that good. It's not good enough for that. Yeah, I've never been there, I don't think. You've never been there? I don't think so. Well, I'm not selling it. Okay. Yeah, I'm never going to go. I think my...

Something that pissed me off this week, even on the way here, is when people on their phones, when the light is red and then it goes green and they're sitting there. We've all done it, but I feel like such a bitch when I honk. I'm like, why am I being so pissy? Oh, you shouldn't feel bad for something you have to do. Yeah, but I'm like, just look up or put your phone up here so you can see that it goes green. You know I don't drive. You don't drive? No. Why not?

I'd crash. Because of that reason? Oh, okay. Like, I'd hurt someone. Yeah. Like, I really and truly would. Well, that's a good reason not to drive. I've driven a car once around a parking lot about a few months ago. I just... In Australia, do you drive on the opposite side of the road? We do, and they're very strict about phones. Like, it's crazy. Like, you can lose your license. Well, that's why Australia seems to be better.

Yeah. But they have cameras that look into your car. So if your phone is anywhere near you... That feels invasive. Yeah, it's kind of scary. They'll just ping you right away. And then what happens? You lose points or lose your license. What was Australia like during COVID? Were you there? No, I wasn't. But I know they were pretty serious about it. A little bit more serious than America. Than America, for sure. But I know New Zealand, they fully just closed down all the airports and everything like that. So everyone could just be free and whatever else. But there was one security guard at...

Like, when they finally opened things up again, there was, like, planes coming in at the quarantine for, like, two weeks. There was one security guard at the quarantine hotel who ended up sleeping with someone and got COVID and then brought it back to his family. And his family... So then everyone got COVID. Yeah, the kids went to school. The kids got COVID. They gave the kids to school. And because he had an affair. Yeah, and so now the whole country knows that he cheated. That's crazy. Yeah, crazy. That sounds way more fun than our COVID. Well, it's probably not fun for him. Yeah, but it's fun to... Yeah, it is.

Yeah. A little bit of drama. Yeah. Wait, so do you remember, actually this brings up a question I've been asking my friends recently. Do you remember where you were? Do you remember what was the day? March 13th? What was it? 15th? Oh my God. Wow. You remember. What happened for you? What? Isn't that crazy? What? Really? He's 20. Wow. Isn't that wild? Damn. Yeah. Uh,

Was at my internship And then I went to Kazunori Wait what's March 15 why is that so important Because it's the day everything like shut down Oh okay I was at my internship And everyone was washing their hands a little more than usual And then my friends picked me up And they were like oh my god The NFL just shut down their season Do you want to get Kazunori And I said yes Damn and then I realized I had to cancel my spring break So I know

Yeah, it fucking sucked. I flew home to New York, gloves, mask and all, and...

Sat my fat ass in my room for three months. Wow. Yeah. I think I was just in my apartment in Hollywood with my friends just watching Animal Planet. Oh, fuck. Because we didn't really do anything. Because my show hadn't come out. Oh, and you filmed prior. Yeah. So we filmed like that. We were just waiting for Toad the Handle to come out. And I didn't really have any friends or to do anything. So we just like stay in the building and like work out. And then it's like, oh, yeah, no one can leave. So we're like, OK, well, we're not doing anything anyway. Fuck. And then we just sit there and watch Animal Planet. I feel like you had fun in COVID. Yeah.

It was a crazy time. It was because my life was changing in front of me. Of course. This is wild. What a weird time for your life to change when you can't leave the house. It was so strange because I'm like, my phone is going crazy. Everyone wants to be my friend. And then my friends are just like, you should just chill out. Because you can't leave the house. Yeah, you can't do anything. Damn, that's crazy, actually. It was a crazy time. COVID, COVID, COVID. Shout out COVID. Yeah, honestly. Fuck. What can we do about it now? Seriously. No.

Okay, well, let's get into the tell me what's wrong. Do you know what the tell me what's wrong are? Okay, well, brief description. So the pussies, shout out you guys. Pussies. Yes. Oh my God. Do you want to give them a hi, pussies? Hi, pussies. Hi, pussies. Yes, we're here. Holy shit.

- Hi, pussies, thank you so much for submitting the Tell Me What's Wrongs. They submit the Tell Me What's Wrongs and they basically just tell me what's wrong and we tell them what we think they should do and then we like maybe prescribe them a remedy. So like yours would be like-- - You're so good at branding. Listen to this. - Thank you. - You've got so many words. - I mean, puss works with a lot. - It does, it's a great word. - Like for example, this is, sorry. - Is this your merch? - No, this is Pissandra.

Yes, this is. This is Cassandra. Who's this one? I don't have a name for her yet. Actually, pussies, you guys can name her. You can name that puss. Oh, that's probably therapist, honestly. But you guys can name her if you guys come up with something better. Holy shit. And then I have... Okay, so this is Cassandra. I'll introduce you to all my puss after this. But then I have...

Penelopus, who was my first one, and she has a broken tentacle. And then I have Puss Sheeran because I have a ginger puss. And then I have ETP, extraterrestrial puss, because it looks like an alien. Then I have Blow Puss because it has dick-sucking lips. Wow. And then I have two Blow Puss, actually. Wow. And then I have, God, what are the other names? Passandra Penelopus, Blow Puss, Puss Sheeran, ETP.

Oh, I have bougie puss because I have a puss that's like expensive. I have... I wish I loved something as much as you love pusses. I know. They really... And I wrap their tentacles around me as I go to bed. Wow. Is your bed a big puss? If I'm lucky, I'll choke and die in the middle of the night. Whoa! If I'm lucky. Holy shit. Wow. Okay. I'm just honest. I'm here for the honesty. Wow. And you got cards. Look how professional you are. I know. So good. Thanks. Okay. Wow, you're so professional. Okay. Okay, are you ready? Yeah.

Tell me what's wrong. Oh, no, no. Sorry, pussies. Whoa. Tell me what's wrong. My best friend introduced me to her guy best friend of many years, and we really hit it off. Okay, girl. I've since noticed the way she looks at him and that she's always all over him and clearly wants to be with him, but every time I ask her about it, she denies it. He's the first guy I've liked in a long time, but I don't want to lose my best friend. It feels like your best friend was introing you to him as a test.

Really? Yes. Yes. No. No? I think it's more like, you know, sometimes you don't want someone until someone else is attracted to them. Oh, that's such a nice positive outlook, but I don't think that... Continue. No, but...

No, but I feel like she introduced you and then she's like, oh, you know, I've never had any, like, interest in him. And then she sees that you're interested and she's like, oh, maybe I don't want to let this, like, slip by. And she's like, I don't want you to be happy. I want him. Can I give you my read on it? Okay. I think this girl has always been in love with this best guy friend. And he isn't interested in her. And she's almost introducing him to her other girlfriend.

In the deranged hopes that he also wouldn't be into her. But like he is. So now she feels like she's losing. Like it gave her almost this sense of control over the relationship. Yeah. Like I'm best friends with her and best friends with him. So like you guys can't ever do anything. But like I kind of know you want to. What would you do? I'd probably suck it up and be like, fuck, this sucks. But honestly, I would be transparent. And I honestly, I think I would be like,

Because this, okay, let me tell you, I'm reading between the lines here, and this girl obviously knows her friend likes this guy for a while and, like, doesn't want to admit it. And he obviously isn't into her, but obviously is into this girl. And I think if I was her, I would ask the friend, and then if the friend was like, no, I wouldn't be bad, I'd be like, no, you would be mad, and I know you'd be mad, so can you just admit it so I don't have to do it? Because I will do it if you, like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think also, like...

I think at the end of the day, if she's a real friend, you want you to be happy and want her best friend to be happy. Boys are so simple. Go have fun. You are so simple. That is not true. No, but yeah, go have fun. Hook up with him. Give him a kiss. The power men have over people sometimes, you have no idea. This girl could be the best friend in the entire world, and as soon as a dick gets in the way –

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission. So go fuck him and then be like, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it. It wasn't that good anyway. You know, I missed out on much and then fall in love with him. Okay. So you prescribe eating his ass. All of it. Suck his toes. Like do the whole shebang. I prescribe. What am I going to prescribe? Because what am I like? I'm trying to think of my TV show reference that I'm calling out here. And I know I am. Oh, okay.

My God. I'm going to prescribe Mean Girls because Regina George is so fine with Katie Heron being with Aaron Samuels. She's not really. She's not. She's not. She wants the control. Yeah. My best friend has genital herpes and doesn't tell the guy she fucks. That's illegal. That's illegal. That's, yeah. What do I do? She sometimes fucks guys. I know. Oh. Okay. Post a story.

You would post a story? No, I just think that's illegal. Right? They should know. That's illegal. I would... Here's what I would do. I'd go to my girl and I'd say, Girl, I'm sorry about your GH. Menopause.

And I'm very sorry about it. And I can't even imagine how bad that hurts. I can't even imagine what that feels like. All the bumps. You need to keep it real and tell the people you're fucking or I will have to take action and tell at least my guy friends because it's also going to start to affect other women because these guys just aren't affecting you, aren't fucking you. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, the ripple effect that, you know, GH could have. Yeah. Kind of crazy.

But yeah, I would have to bring it up to her. Like, yo, you're doing the wrong thing. Like, maybe you don't want people to know your business, but you fucking have guys. It's going to get around. Just be like, it's illegal. Like, they can like actually sue you and take you to jail for that. Yeah. And if you're the guy, sue her. Because like, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Everyone lets sue. For sure. Are you crazy? Okay, so I'm going to prescribe. Are you doing a facial? I'm massaging the part of my brain that thinks of prescriptions. Oh. I'm going to prescribe.

Maybe an STD check for you too. Maybe this is a wake-up call that everyone needs to get tested for STDs. Oh, I got a good one. I would prescribe there is the STD text reminders that come from anonymous number. I would go and send, if you don't want to get involved because it is a lot of weight on your shoulders, I would get one of those and I would send it to all the guys that you know she's been with and then also send it to her as a gentle reminder. If nothing comes from it, then you start a conversation of, hey,

You need to shut up shop a little bit. Right, okay. Or wrap it up. That's a really logical prescription. Yeah, because that's serious. If babies come out, they got problems. No, that's bad. It's a lot of stuff that goes on. I actually thought of a really good prescription as you were talking about your prescription. Season one, episode three of Girls, where Hannah finds out she has HPV. It's a great...

because Hannah really tells everyone she has HPV and she really over shares. And honestly, you should show that to your friend because maybe she should start over sharing a bit. There's a guy on TikTok live that I always see him on my for you page. He says, I have herpes. Ask me questions. Does he have herpes? I think so. You've seen him? Yeah. He's like always, you saw him as well? He's always on live like talking about herpes. I'm like, you know what? Be more like that guy. A lot of people have herpes. A lot of people have herpes. You know, everyone has HPV. What's that?

Human papillomavirus? Human pusillanimus? Human papillomavirus. No, it's a thing. I've heard of this. Yeah. It's a thing all adventurous women do. But that's the tagline in Girls. Have you seen Girls? Yeah. It's the best. You should watch season one, episode three of Girls just because it's one of the best episodes of television ever. Well, yeah. I love your references. It's really good. Thank you. All I do is watch TV.

My dad's breath smells like ass, and no one in my family knows how to tell him. What ideas for you to have? Sorry. What ideas do you have to help me tell him delicately? Just always have a pack of gum ready. No, that's not delicate. I would be like, are you trying to tell me I have bad breath?

No, but like, oh my God, look at this. This is so yummy. You should have one of these. Yeah. It helps. Or just, okay, or just put like little bottles like Listerine around the house. Like, who's putting these here? Someone's got a stinky breath. That's crazy. I think. Do a little sweet. I think the most delicate way to tell him is to have like the mom or the dad tell the other dad your breath stinks. Mm.

Not that the kids notice it because then he'll feel like shit if he knows the kids notice it. But be like, your breath smells so bad. Like, fix it before the kids notice it. Just, like, lie to him. Yeah. I feel like if it was my dad, I'd just be like, dad, your shit stinks, bro. Go fucking eat a toothbrush. Oh, I don't know if I would say that. I would feel so uncomfortable. Like, bad breath. Being told you have bad breath is one. I, in my, I think it is so much worse than being told you smell bad. Yeah.

That's like your soul escaping from your body. There's this one influencer girl. Whenever I'd be out, I'd always see her. And she would, like, talk to you that close. Worst breath. And she had veneers. And a lot of people with veneers have, like, the stinkiest breath. And it would always be, like, you'd try and, like, move your head away from her. And she would, like, be like a heat-seeking missile. Just, like, right there. And, like, dude...

Fucking stinks. I would always have gum like oh my god like let's try this and is she known for this She's known like every guy every girl that is friends that knows is like yeah Like if she's ever drunk like stay away from her because she's just gonna talk your fucking face It's so it's so stinky like I feel like my skin would be peeling from like how like gross it would be I can't be like get out of my face well I don't want to be like rude, but I'm like you got a PYP girl protect your peace

Seriously. Fuck. If someone was speaking to me and they had bad breath, I'd find a way out of that conversation. I'd be like, let's have another shot. Like, let's do something. Let's sleep. Let's stop talking. Is what we should do. Let's get a toothbrush. And I'm so, like, intense about my breath. I mean, I hope. God, if my friends are watching this and think I have bad breath, let me know. Because one time when I got my wisdom teeth out, I came back to school and my breath smelled really bad and my friend had to tell me.

And that moment, like I remember where I was standing. I remember almost what I was talking about. I think I was 14 years old. And so that's why you just have to tell the person. Because if I went, thank God she told me. Clara, if you're watching this, thank God you told me that I had bad breath. Shout out, Clara. Because if I went about my day with that breath...

I would have killed myself. So I prescribe for your dad is your mom should tell him he has bad breath. And then I also prescribe like a bottle of Listerine or something. I think you should do like one of those like criminal notes where they cut out letters from different magazine things and put on a piece of paper. Like dad has stinky breath. So then they don't know where it come from.

And then just leave it in his bed. Yeah. Then who knows? He'd be like, oh, shit. He'd be like, which one of you did this? Yeah. With his breath stinking still because he'd be so angry. Ew. You have to tell him. Oh, I also prescribed the song Delicate by Taylor Swift since you said you wanted to tell him delicately. His reputation's never been worse. But you like him for him because he's your dad. I matched with a guy on Tinder and hung. This one is so long. Let me just see if the next one's shorter because I don't know if I have the brain capacity right now. Do you want me to read one?

okay oh my god wait okay okay oh this is long i matched with a guy on tinder and hung out the night went over to his house and we talked for hours but also both agreed we were not looking for a relationship i lied we started hanging out every day and i began to have feelings and then he proceeded to say that he likes me and changed his mind about not wanting a relationship oh i go out to the bar last weekend and i got drunk

And he was there and would not talk to me because I was drunk and told me that I'm pushing it. Ew, what? We've been talking for two months now, and ever since last weekend, he's been distant and suspicious. Send help. He sounds like a fucking freak. Yeah, that's a red flag. That's a really red flag. I hate when guys are weird about girls drinking. I think it's gross. Yeah, just let her have fun. Yeah, that's weird. He's obviously like, I think that's one of the biggest red flags ever. That's what he's being weird about. If he's at a bar as well, like,

What are you doing in a bar? Like, everyone's drinking and having fun. Well, he's... I don't know. He's probably got stinky breath. Yeah, he probably does have stinky breath. God, I don't know. I don't have much to say at that one besides I prescribe maybe cut things off. Yeah, I prescribe fuck his best friend. Oh, okay. I love your prescriptions, Harry. This one is nothing's wrong, but can you call me? Okay. What?

You actually call people? I don't know. She's asking me to call her. I thought this was like a prank. I'm like, he's got to call my ex or something. Hi, this is Jake. I got your tummy. What's wrong? Hello? Can you hear me? Yes. This is Jake. I got your tummy. What's wrong? No, you're lying. No, I'm not. Sorry, did we scare you? No, no, no. Wait, I'm dead ass. What's her name? Wait, I'm sitting here with Harry Jowsey. Do you want to say hi? Yes.

I'm, I'm, I'm, no, no, no, you're lying. No, I'm not. Yes, come here. He's the one who's on Dancing with the Stars. Well, I wasn't because I wasn't very good at dancing. But hello, what's your name? This is crazy. My name is Callie. Oh, my God. Hi, Callie. I'm like so deep in my workflow right now. This just made my day. Like I truly. Oh, my God. Wait, of course. Do you have anything you want to talk about? You're on the podcast, if that's okay.

No, this is crazy. I have no idea what to say right now. Like, I didn't even think this would happen. Wait, but it did. It did. We love you. Okay. Okay, wait, let me walk outside the office. Okay, girl, walk outside the office. Yeah, get out of that place. Quit your job. Oh, Harry says quit your job. I just got a great new job, so this is great. Oh, yay.

Wait, I just want to say, can I say something? Do you really quit? Do it. I think you are the funniest person on the internet. Like, you make me so happy. Like me and my friends. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I really appreciate that. I really appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah. You're amazing. I hope to,

Thank you for actually calling me. I wish I had something fun to say. Wait, this is so fun. Don't worry. Have the best day at work. Okay, thank you. I'm going to text you from this number for your address. It's not a scam. I want to send you a nimming crew neck. So text me the name you want and I will. But yeah, Callie, you are the best. Have the best day at your new job. We love you, Callie. I love you too. Have the best day. I appreciate you. Of course. Bye.

Oh, that was so lovely. Yes, you guys, I love that call-in. Callie. That was really sweet. You know what? That was so fun. That was so sweet. That was really nice. Yeah, wasn't that nice? So cute. What a little gem. I know. She's at her new job, like, low-key killing it. Yeah. Shout out, Callie. I've noticed for three weeks now that I've been missing underwear. I found a stash hidden in my roommate's room. What should I do? I'm freaking out. Do they have any skitties on them?

No, but, like, her roommate's, like, stashing and sniffing her underwear. That's bizarre. No, but maybe she's wearing them. Like, if there's any, like, poop marks, I would probably throw them out. No. Or do you think she's sniffing them? No, I'm, like, appalled that you think her roommate's taking it just to, like, wear it? Just to look sexy, like, run around the house with undies on her head. No, I think her roommate's taking it because she's obsessed with this girl or guy and wants to wear their underwear. Yeah. Yeah.

I would put, like, ant poison or something in one pair and then see what happens. That's what you would do? I would be like, why the fuck are you stealing my underwear? You freak. Oh, I would rob them back. I would start a war. Like, start taking their shoes. Okay, you know what I'm going to prescribe? And this is actually the third time I'm prescribing this same prescription. God, I feel like I'm...

An SSRI salesman. But this is the same prescription I am going to prescribe again. The roommate with Leighton Meester, because her roommate is so obsessed with her that she kills her. So I would say something now. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you don't want to die. No. That'd be horrible. Yeah, or just, like, glue all their shoes to the ground or, like, steal all their shoelaces or something.

So you want to do, like, a prank war? Yeah. Like, let's not make it weird. Let's make it fun now. But it is weird. She stole her underwear. I would cut holes in every shirt. Like, little nipple holes. Yeah, they did that to Mean Girls, and it worked out in Regina George's favor. There we go. I actually am going to also prescribe...

What's the thing about a creepy roommate besides the roommate? I don't know. Put rats in her room. You rats? I think that would affect her too, though. They're roommates. Yeah, that's true. Wait, that's fucking crazy. Okay, I'm going to give you real advice right now. What I would do is I'd...

Okay, like, to me, that's just an immediate move-out situation. And, like, obviously your roommate is fucking dangerous. She's stealing your underwear. This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. Stay at your friend's, pack your shit up, and text her and be like, I moved out. I found you stealing my underwear. I've never been more weirded out in my entire life. If you don't have an actual explanation for this, like, I don't know what to say. But I would also do it on the phone so that they can't make up an explanation and text it to you. And then if she actually stole your underwear, I would, like, maybe call the police. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fair. I got nothing. Yeah, my ideas are worse. No, I mean, your idea was like a prank war, which is like fair. Yeah. Well, I'm a guy, so I don't really know what's going on. Okay, then let me ask you. Let's say you share a room with this guy, and you're like, where's all my underwear going? And then you found a stash of your underwear hidden in your roommate's stuff.

What would you do? Well, it's happened because my maid would just put our stuff together. And then if I have friends over, whatever else. No, no, no. But a stash of your underwear specifically. This seems methodical. They've been taking your underwear on purpose slowly over time. I'd just buy more. Enjoy those. They're Tom Ford. They're very expensive. So whatever. Wear them out. Yeah. I'd freak the fuck out. See? I would just be like, dude, it's all good. Just don't come in my socks.

Oh, my God. Am I crazy to say that I would freak the fuck out? It is weird. It is weird. But, like, I'm also, like, whatever. You're so positive. You remind me of the angel I'm watching in my show. The OA. Really? The original angel. Oh. Yeah, you're the OA girl. Shout out, angel. I've been talking to this guy for months, and we're finally going to go on a date, and then his house burned down, and I DK how to ask if he still wants to go out or not.

Fuck, I relate, girl. Because, like, damn. Wait, you dated someone with a house buddy? No, like, I relate to that level of selfishness. You know what I mean? Like, fuck. Like, she was so excited about this date and then his fucking house burned down. Well, it's also like, he should take his mind off it. Well, do you think she should ask him about it? Like, I don't think she can.

I just be like, yo, let's just, you want to come to my place? Because yours is on the ground in ashes. Yeah. That's a, I mean, that's a valid thing to say, but I think. Yeah, but do you need a place to stay? Let's go to a Brazilian barbecue or something. Let's have fun. I haven't had Brazilian barbecue in so long. It's so good. It's so good. Shout out Brazil. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. You just went. How was that? I fucking love Brazil. Wait, I've been meaning to ask how Brazil was. I remember I saw you before you went. I'm moving there. You are? I'm moving there. How, do they party hard?

It's just like everyone's just so happy and dressed in bright colors. And everyone was just – no one cared about anything. It was just like so much fun. The beaches were amazing. There was so much fun activities. The food was incredible. It was so cheap. I've never been happier. I got off the plane. I'm like, this is so much fun. How long were you there for? Like five days.

That looked really fun. You were there for Carnival, right? No, no. It was just Anita's pre-Carnival parties. Got it. And we went with all her friends and everyone's just in the best mood and everyone wants to just have fun. And I was like, this is...

Epic. I loved it. You were in Rio? Yeah. You go to a club here and everyone's on their phones. Way too cool. You go there, people twerking at each other, making out. What? No one's got their phones out. Even Markel had girls twerking on him. I'm like, what is going on? Wait, that sounds really fun. I was overwhelmed. I'm like, this is crazy. Wait, I kind of want to go to Brazil. No, if you want to go, I'll go today. Really? I'll pack my bag. Okay, maybe we should plan a...

The trip to Brazil. Let's go. Everyone, all the pussies, come with us to Brazil. Oh my God. First of all, do I have any pussies listening from Brazil? If I do, let me know. Oh my God. I'm actually really curious if I have any people listening from Brazil. For sure. There's so many people. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. We'll get you some. But let me just warn this girl. Okay. Because I totally get what you're thinking. You're like, ugh! Like, his fucking house burned down and we were supposed to go on a date. Very normal reaction. I don't care what anyone says. You need to be careful who you talk about this with. Because if you talk about it to your girls, they are going to be like, you are selfish and crazy, even if they would think the same thing. Because...

Like, that's just how people work. You need to just kind of internalize this and, like, take the L. That his house burned down and, like, you might not go on this date. The episode, what I would prescribe to you is, I don't know the exact episode of Girls, but I'll put it here once I figure it out. Hannah has a book deal and her book publisher dies. And the only thing she can think about at his funeral is if her book publishing deal is still on.

It's a good question. It's a great question. But she asks the widow, like, do you have any connects for me? Which is just where she missteps.

And there's also another episode where Hannah finds out that he dies and all her friends are like, you're fucking weird. How is the only thing you're thinking about your book deal? While I understand why she's thinking about her book deal, yeah, you should definitely maybe give it like a few weeks just to like let this guy get his things in order. And just until like the hype, not the hype, but like the news of his house burning down kind of like simmers out. No pun intended. The hype is so worst.

But you know what I mean? Like, everyone's obviously talking about so-and-so's house just burned down. Yeah, true. But I would... Okay, if my house burned down and I got nothing, I just got the shirt on my back, and a girl wants to take me on a date, I'd be like, you know what? Maybe I need that right now. No, see, that's why you're the O.A. You're the original angel because that's such a nice point of view. But anyone else would be like, you're fucking crazy. How are you asking me on a date right now when my house just burned down? And I think you just need to wait a few weeks until it simmers down. Yeah. And...

And then maybe you can approach like, hey, remember when I was supposed to go on a date with so-and-so to your friends and like see what they say. And if they're like, oh my God, yeah, you should totally ask him, like ask him. But like your friends usually know best. And like right now they're going to tell you to shut the fuck up. And like you don't want word getting out that you're trying to go on a date with this guy after his house burned down. Oh my God. I was doing anal with the boy who doesn't give me the time of day. Uh-oh. Suddenly he screamed and jumped off the bed. You can imagine where this leads.

When I looked down, there was an entire edamame on the bed. I had sushi the night before. I haven't heard from him since. What do I do? An entire edamame? Yeah. What would you do if that happened to you? Well, I love edamame. No, Harry, what would you do if you were having anal and someone shit out an edamame? Just be like, hey, let's...

He won't speak to her anymore. Oh, he won't speak to her anymore? Well, then maybe he's just not the one for you. You haven't found your OA yet, your Harry. Yeah, I think the thing is, is like if he loved you, he would care about a little bit of poo at a mommy. Yeah, that's crazy. Just push it under the bed. I'm so sorry, girl. I prescribe for you to find your Harry because that's really nice. Yeah, I prescribe you to fuck with his friends.

My sister is sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back, and I'm a gay man. Whoa. Whoa. How do I confront them? I don't know. That sounds messy as fuck. Wait, what? My sister is sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back, and I'm a gay man. How do I confront them? I would never speak to my sister again. Would you? I don't even know what I would, like. How do you confront them? Well, first, you have to.

Because what you're going to have to do. That's the biggest level of betrayal. It's the biggest. And so what she has to do is run a smear campaign. And in order to run a smear campaign, you need to assemble your players correctly. You get proof that she's sleeping with him. Because right now, from what I'm hearing, he said, she said. You want the general public to side with you, right? You establish proof. So you gather your proof. And then you confront, as I've always said, men first.

fold easier than women. You confront your boyfriend first, record the entire conversation, and then confront your sister, and then you handle the heartbreak because your relationship's over with your sister and your boyfriend. And...

You start to smear. Not your sister, but your boyfriend. Yeah, and call us so we can hear about it all. Yeah. Oh, my God. Call in. Okay. Then we can front run the smear campaign. Yes, yes. Use code word, sister sleeping with my boyfriend, and drop your number, and I'm going to give you a call in the next episode, and I want to hear about if you confronted them. Is this actually real? Because that's fucking crazy. That's fucked up. But also, like, what's up with the sister? Like, what? What?

Maybe call your parents. Oh, yeah. I would definitely get the parents involved because the parents have to be on your side. If you smear too hard, they're not going to be on your side because they're going to feel like you're bullying your sister even though she did something wrong. Yeah. Yeah. That was a mouthful. Wow. That gave me anxiety. I feel so bad for her. I know. I feel bad for her too. I prescribe – I guess I prescribe a smear campaign and I also prescribe –

I'm pretty sure I'm going to prescribe to you 90210 because Naomi has a really weird relationship with her sister. And I'm pretty sure her sister like tries to fuck her man all the time. And I would just watch 90210 to see how their relationship plays out because I don't really remember how it does. But I remember it's not good.

I don't know how you keep referencing all these shows. All I do is watch TV. This is incredible. All I do is watch TV. Fuck his brother or dad or something. Yeah, get him back somehow. Get back, like something. I would, yeah, fuck his dad. Yeah. I had a crush on the guy that worked at my gym. I hit on him and now we've been together for five months.

And I just found out he actually works for the Secret Service. Him working for the gym was temporary because the hiring process is L.A.H. Long as hell. He's my best friend and the kindest human ever. Also, the sex is mind-blowing. But so is this information. How do I process all this, Jake? Fuck. That's so cool. That's so cool. I think that's sick. Yeah, I don't know. He can kill anyone. I think she's maybe feeling weird because technically he, like, lied to her.

Right is the vibe I'm getting but like that's for his job and like yeah at the end of the day your career is never gonna wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore which is probably what's going through his head. Yeah Lady Gaga said it once and

it's probably going through his head. So I would just give him some grace on this because some people take their career really seriously and it sounds like if he's in the Secret Service that's not something he can just freely admit all the time. So process it by being like, okay, well, he didn't not want to tell me on purpose. He didn't tell me because it's his job and he's good at his job. So if anything, I think that should be a beige flag because, yeah, he's a good liar but he also cares about what he does. Yeah, and it could turn into like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yeah, you could get involved. I don't know what that would be.

Yeah. I've never seen that movie. Oh, it's so hot. Really? So sexy. With Brad Pitt and Angelina. Oh, my God. Really? It just makes me want to just be in the middle of them. Yeah. Just watch it go down. I get that. What's your favorite movie of all time, actually? Oh, it's probably a little bit controversial. Tropic Thunder. I think that was... People love Tropic Thunder. I love that movie. I've never seen it. Really? It's just so, like... It just... It's just so...

So far gone. Yeah. Who's in it? Robert Downey Jr. Yeah. Who else? Jack Black, Ben Stiller.

J.B. Schill. Yeah. Damn, maybe I'll, yeah. It's fucking crazy. Like, it's nuts. And it's just like stuff that if it got released now. It wouldn't. It would. All their careers are done. But the fact that it got released so long ago. Yeah. It just makes you like, it just feels like a naughty laugh. Like, I shouldn't be laughing at this. Naughty laughs are the best. Yeah, we love a naughty laugh. What's your favorite TV show of all time? Griselda, I think. I just watched that. Really? Okay, well, besides Griselda. Okay.

The Breaking Bad was pretty good. I loved Breaking Bad. Yeah, it was really good. Best show ever. Yeah, what about you? My favorite TV show of all time. Have you ever seen the show Dark on Netflix? It's amazing. It's German. Could you do subtitles or no? Yeah, I can. No, it doesn't sound like you want to do that. Well, I just... My brain doesn't work that well, so I have to, like, read and look at the photo. Yeah, I totally get that. I just watched that... My brother's dyslexic, so I, like, understand. Yeah, so is my mom. I'm not. I'm just really slow. Yeah. No, but I'm saying, like, I respect... I have two brain cells. I respect how...

brains process things at different times. I actually did watch that Netflix one about the plane crash. You see that one? Oh, MH7, that one? No, no, no. It's Society of Stars. Oh, I didn't mean

Watch that. How was that? Insane. And then watch the making of it. And did you do that with subtitles? Yeah. Then you can do Dark. But I had to pause every five minutes and be like, okay, that's what they said. Yeah, I get that. But it was so intense. And do you not like it dubbed? I personally don't like it dubbed. Yeah, I can't do it dubbed. Dark is one of my favorite shows I've ever seen. My second favorite show I've ever seen ever is Girls on HBO. What's that? It is about – so do you know who Lena Dunham is?

If you show me a photo, I'm terrible with names. No, no, no. I understand. She is a writer and an actress, and she created this show called Girls, and it's about four millennial women living in Brooklyn in the early, early 2010s, late 2000s. And it really is... I've personally never laughed so hard at a show in my entire life. Wow. And yeah, it's...

Yeah, right now I would say that's my favorite show of all time. Damn, I'm going to watch it. If you watch Girls, you have to tell me. That is my favorite show of all time. And I already prescribed two episodes of Girls in this episode of Therapist. No, like seriously, it's the best show of all time. Have you seen Girls? What's your favorite episode? Panic in Central Park? Yeah. I love how he's naming the episodes. Like, what else is a good one? Oh, Goodbye Tour. I cried. Oh, okay.

That is the best episode ever, ever. When they're singing Maroon 5 in the car and Adam hits it and hits it. You need to watch Girls. You must watch Girls. I'm going to end this and watch Girls after we're done. It's seriously the best show of all time. Like, I actually, like, if you want to put one thing on my tombstone, it's like you should watch Girls.

Dash it. Like, seriously. They should pay you for this. No, they don't need to. I'm so blessed by the creative genius that that show has brought that I don't even care. Like, that is the best show I've ever seen in my life. I love girls. I spent my entire winter break watching it, and it made me really just, oh, my God, it's amazing. Wow. It's amazing. Shout out, girls. Shout out, girls. Wow. Damn, you're fired up now. Yeah, wow.

Just started my job and one of my male coworkers just sniffed me. Ooh, that might be assault. So I would definitely handle that with HR. What? And that's as far as I'm going to get with that one. But I would definitely take that to HR if he's sniffing you. That's weird. What?

Get them back. Make it weirder. Okay. This is the final one. Okay. Are you ready? Let's do it. My dad stabbed my boyfriend because he cheated on me. Now I need to testify in court and don't know what to wear or who to defend. My boyfriend was an asshole, but he didn't deserve that.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news and I understand there is nothing like a father's love for his daughter, but that's fucking crazy. That is fucking crazy. He should not be stabbed. Is there any more information? Why did they stab? Because he cheated on her and then her dad stabbed him. So now she's in court and she doesn't know what to wear.

Well, you better look good, girl. Come on. She needs to look good. So the boyfriend cheated, the dad stabbed. Yeah. Sounds like a good dad. It sounds like I would. She has to testify in court. And I'm so sorry that you have to do that because that is. Yeah. So that must be so difficult because she is still seemingly really into her boyfriend. But at the end of the day, he did. Actually. Yeah. You know what? This is there's more. Well, no. Well, well, he. He cheated. He cheated on her. Yeah.

So he obviously doesn't care for you. Yeah. Your dad's going to care for you forever. And, like, yeah, he stabbed him. And, like, he definitely shouldn't have done that. For sure. Right? Could have just hit him with his car. But, like, I wouldn't, like, defend your boyfriend too hard in court because he did cheat on you. Well, if you're in court, just tell the truth. But just, yeah, don't lie under oath. Yeah. Definitely. Do you think people lie under oath, like, all the time? For sure. I definitely would. Really? Yeah. You think? No. Maybe not.

I just hope I never go to court. It's scary, huh? Yeah. Have you been? No. Well, I think I went for like a class field trip once. Oh, that's cool. It wasn't. No? Actually, it was super depressing. I was like, why am I here? Yeah. I want to do that jury duty. I feel like that. Oh, my God. I got called in for jury duty last year. And do you know when you get called in for jury duty, you have to call every single day of the week for like two weeks to make sure that they don't actually need you to come in.

Huh? It is. What? Hell on earth. Uh-uh. Cancel that. Cancel. Jury duty needs to be canceled. Yeah, I feel like if, yeah, I guess it's a conflict of interest if you start paying people to do jury duty. It just seems like the most reasonable thing to do. But I would definitely prescribe, oh my God.

You just gave the best prescription. I would prescribe jury duty. Just try to bring some lightheartedness to the situation. And I would prescribe a really cute outfit, considering you also don't know what to wear. Yeah, exactly. And I would prescribe maybe like an episode of Law & Order.

Just so you can also see court on the more serious side of things. Is Suits about law stuff as well? You know, I've never, I've seen past one episode of Suits. Yeah, just watch some law shows so you feel like you know what the fuck's going on. Yeah. Well, Harry, what did we learn today, do you think, in our session? That your puss names are incredible. Thank you. Did you hear that? Yes. You gave great advice. Someone got stabbed, they got caught. It's crazy. There's so much stuff that went on today. I think my key takeaway from today is that

It's hard to be put in the middle of two crazy people. And I think that's what I'm taking away from the last question. And I'm feeling a lot of sympathy. And my second takeaway is I would love to call more of you pussies. So if you send in some more call requests, like I will definitely be calling you during the show because that was so fun. Callie, I fucking love you. Good luck at your new job. You're going to fucking kill it. And I want to send you Nimming merch. Harry, thank you so – wait. What do we got? What do we got?

Oh, your session's up, you guys. Harry, thank you so much for being here and coming. And a little fun fact before Harry leaves, I also have those shoes. Show off your shoes. I have those shoes too, and I wish I wore them today so we could have been twinning, but I didn't. We could have been twinning, puss. Harry, thank you. I love you. I love you so much. Thank you so much. I love you, pussies. Tense up. Hi, pussies. Put your tents up. Put your tents up. Tents up. Small.