Session 02: Culpa Payton
32:45 Share

♪ ♪

Hi, pussies, and welcome to Therapus, where we give you quality care from unqualified experts. Hopefully, you will leave with a prescription that suits your needs. So I thought, what better way to start off your session of Therapus with talking about, well, me. Let me just tell you about what I've been feeling this week. So I honestly think I've had a pretty good week.

I'm like thinking I had a good week. My only issue is that my stomach's really been hurting and I've convinced myself I have a parasite because Brett got this thing when she came back from Mexico and her stomach was like all over the place. And then like, she was talking about it and then everyone was like, oh, it's a parasite. And I like, I'm knowing that parasites aren't contagious, but like for some reason, like I'm just feeling like I have a parasite, even though I don't just like

everything I eat makes my stomach hurt, which I know it's like preach to the choir. Everyone's fucking stomach hurts all the time. But like my stomach's like really been hurting all the time. What I've found is a good solution to my stomach hurting is drinking water. I don't do that.

really at all or enough. But then when I do drink the water, my stomach like stops hurting for a second and then it starts hurting again. Anywho, that's been definitely taking a toll on how I've been feeling. But while my OCD has basically kind of not gone away, but has gotten a lot less bad, like it's very much easy for me to like, you know, like be like, okay, enough. Like my anxiety hasn't. And I was just thinking that like Prozac was like supposed to like

not cure my anxiety, but like help. And it feels like almost it's not helping anymore. It just stabilized me, which is like, what was I like before this? When I told my psychiatrist that a few years ago, she was like, great, well, I can put you on something else. But like this, something else is like going to make you gain weight. No, like I was like, no, no, no, sorry. She goes, I'm going to tell you it, but I don't want you to look up the side effects. I was like, why don't you want me to look up the side effects?

And she's like, I just don't want you to look up the side effects. I'm like, all due respect, I'm going to look up the side effects, especially if it involves a fucking weight gain. And granted, it did. Like an actual chemical weight gain. I was like, I'm sorry I'm not doing this. It was going to make me tired and this, that, and the other. And it was going to like ruin my appetite. And I was like, I'd rather just be fucking unhappy.

than have all these fucking side effects. But I think for a few days in New York, I did forget to take my meds and I almost cried, which was crazy because I haven't cried in years. And I was like, why am I like getting so emotional? Oh, Mikalki Kulkin. I'm sorry. I know I just butchered his name. The guy in Home Alone who's married to Brenda Song got his Hollywood Walk of Fame star. And yeah, I was sobbing because Kevin's home and he deserves it no more, no less.

Actually, maybe more. I'm really excited about today's guests. One you know, Bud Jewels, Julia, and then Miss Peyton Perther, Bepe. And they are just a one-two punch, them two. I'm really excited for them to come and read the Tell Me What's Wrongs with me this week. And I have a fun skit that I'm going to have them do with me. I don't know if they're going to be down, but

They have to be down. Before I bring them in though, obviously I'm going to let you guys know, passthatpuss.com. Go to the tell me what's wrong little widget and tell me what's wrong and let's fucking talk about it and I will prescribe you a remedy for you to hopefully feel better. Let's bring them in. It is my honor and privilege to introduce to you my two biffles, Julia Mervis and Peyton Perther. Hey. Oh my God, are you guys so excited to be here?

So excited. So excited. Julia had a little fit about the headphones. Huh? Because you told her to save it for the pod. Yeah, sorry. I like the headphones. Like, it just feels more profesh. Okay, well, you know what? I'm going to ask you two. How are you feeling? And be honest. I'm okay. Why are you okay? Just like, you know. Okay. I've had better days. Wait, I thought we're being honest. No, we are being honest. So? Today was rough. Not my best day. Not your best day.

What was it like? Not good. What did you guys have for lunch? I don't think about that either. What was it? I'm texting you guys all day. What should I get for lunch? I know I didn't give you a recommendation. What did you get? I had avocado toast. Ew. What do you mean, ew? That's all? For lunch? For lunch. From where? Well, it was like brunch. That was breakfast. So you didn't eat the rest of the day. I had Cheez-Its. Two whole packs. Wow. Yeah, I had avocado toast and Cheez-Its. Like, sorry. What'd you have?

What'd you have? Yeah, what did you have? Did you get a lobster cut roll? So much worse. What'd you get? I got a wrap. No, don't say it. No, I knew you guys would guess that. That's fucking disgusting. Worse. Think back to freshman year. Like, it's that bad. Salads that we used to get. Worse. Salads.

No, that's fucking disgusting. Yeah. How did you end up on that? You had a rough day. I told you it was bad. Yeah, you had a bad day. And I told you I didn't want to talk about lunch. Okay, well, let's get in to why we're here. We're here to help the pussies feel better. Or maybe have a little bit of a reality check. Okay. Okay, is everyone ready? So ready. Okay. Tell me what's wrong. That was new.

Oh, okay. Go off. I'm getting the ick from my sneaky link, but he's the only guy who can make me cum. Fuck. That's a problem. Tab. Well, I would like to know what the ick is. I also need to know what the ick is because I feel like that's important. Right? It's important. I say, get your roster, babe. Get your roster. And you keep him on it. Tab.

- I'm on that motherfucking roster. - You know what, no. I think it's okay for girls to always think like a man and if a guy was getting good sex from a girl that he got the egg from, he'd still fuck her. - True. - Probably. - Probably. - Explore other options. - Explore other options, just don't commit. - Doesn't mean you have to ditch him. - Just don't commit. - Put him on the bench. - Bench. - Bench. - He's warming up the bench. - And pull him off when the game's going south. - Totally. - What do we prescribe? - What if we prescribe Bumble? Yes.

Okay, like, we're prescribing you Bumble. Like, get on there and figure it out. Also, isn't Bumble the one where girls talk first? Okay, well, my prescription's a little different than yours. Oh, okay. And I'm going to explain mine. Listening to you, doctor. Friday Night Lights. And you're like, oh my God, why Friday Night Lights? I am wondering that. The main character gets pulled off the bench and ends up being, like, the star. Didn't hit. Okay.

That analogy didn't work. Yeah, I'm ADR. ADR. I'm on her side. So we're prescribing her Bumble. Yeah, prescribe her Bumble. Sometimes people need to be prescribed. Bumble and a fucking vibrator. Girl, make yourself come. Yes, absolutely. Wow. I found out my dad cheated on my mom at the Aris tour. Sorry, you can't let it ruin your time.

At all. And let me just say, I can relate to not that I've, I've done. No, no. He is about to be so dramatic. No. Okay. So dramatic. I'm going to get pissed. No, stop. My parents are happily married. They're happily together. But I had something. Nope. That happened to me at my first Arrows tour. Nope. Shut up. That I didn't, I didn't really, you know, it kind of ruined my time. And I look back and I think, God damn it.

However, like the Aris tour definitely probably came and went. Yeah, fuck. So you found out your dad cheated on your mom at the Aris tour. I mean, whoever let that one slip at the Aris tour is fucking selfish. Yeah. Right? But also like needing to know, did she see a text?

How'd she find out? I'm curious as well. I mean, that fucking sucks. But can I say something? Like, she'll probably relate to, like, tolerate it. Yeah, fuck. That must have... I hope she didn't go to the bathroom during that one, because that would hit. No. Yeah, look at her dad. Like, you fucking tolerated it. Okay, so what do we prescribe? Okay. Therapy. Wait, seriously. Like, you gotta talk that through. What about... What about...

- More Taylor? - Oh my God, you know what I'm- - Miss Americana, Miss Americana. - No, you know what I'm fucking prescribing? Maybe she doesn't, maybe Taylor will trigger her 'cause she found out at the heiress tour. - Okay. - Taylor. - Do you remember, did you watch Pretty Little Liars when Aria found out her dad was cheating on her mom? - Oh no, and she was making out with the girl in the car. - Yeah, watch that episode of PLL. - Pretty good, huh? - Okay, we'll fill it up at HBO Max or wherever your local streaming service may be. - Okay.

Can I just say I really like it better with the headphones? So put on the headphones. No, I'm not going to be the only one wearing headphones, but I just like had to make a comment. Well, I mean, it definitely would look weird, but you wore them and I didn't wear them last time and it was fine. Well, that's like one verse two and then it's like two verse one. Well, that sounds like a thing that you need to sort out in your own head. Whatever. Because we're just hanging. As always. A poo as per usual. I'm excited for this one. From Mia.

Hi, Mia. Hey, Mia. My foster mom's sons are so fine, but they're 10 years older than me. Okay, so I'm not... That's it? Yeah, but like... Oh, so fine as in like so fine. Right, but if that's your foster mom's kids, is that like your brother? It's giving fosters. That's my prescription. Okay, I've never seen the fosters. Will you like... Shut the fuck up. The fosters was unreal. One of the best shows of all time. Unreal. Really? It's my image. Would I like it? Yes. Yes.

think he would actually. It's a free form show. What's it about? It's about this girl, Maya Mitchell, and her little brother, who's gay. Oh. And they are like, Maya's like in juvie and they've like been in and out of like foster care or whatever and then they like get arrested. And then the cop is a foster parent. And the cop like looks at her and she's like, oh my god, I like have to save this girl.

And then whatever. So they like take her in and they're like, okay, just until we find like a place to like place her. Like we're just going to like have them live with us. Like this girl can't be in Juby. Like she's literally so sweet. Will she like bring my brother with me though? Yeah. No, the brother came too. I think I'm honestly, it's been a while, but like the brother is there. And then the foster mom and one of them has like a son from like a previous marriage. And she's in love. A biological son. And.

- My Mitchell starts like fucking the sun. - Okay, question. Well then question, how does that go down in the show? Like, are they like that's- - It doesn't end well. - Mia. - I have another prescription, Mia. - What? - Culpa Mia. You might be a little confused at first. - It is dubbed. - It's an Amazon original. - No, it's not dubbed. You need to watch it with fucking subtitles. - I don't read. It's dubbed if you wanna watch it in English. It is Culpa Mia, my fault in English.

An Amazon Prime original. It's probably the best movie I've seen in 2020. The best movie I've ever seen. The guy in it is the hottest person I've ever seen. Well, you need to explain the plot as to what. I am. I'm getting there. Okay. So Julia, Brett, and I are sitting on the couch and I'm like, you guys, just give it five minutes. If everyone hates it after five minutes, we'll turn it off. Spoiler alert, no one hated it. Spoiler alert, everyone was addicted and obsessed. Including Brett. Brett doesn't watch movies.

The reason I'm prescribing it is because it's about this girl and her mom gets remarried. She goes to move in with her new stepdad, but they've never met before. And her brother and her like fall in love.

Stepbrother. Okay, so. But, like, they never met before. I don't know. We have two prescriptions for you, Mia, which is actually fitting because I was talking about today how my psychiatrist tried to prescribe me two things instead of one med the other week. You're going on new meds? No, but I was talking about how my meds, like, aren't working anymore, and I was, like, saying, like, my psychiatrist was like, well, I'm going to put you on this mood stabilizer. And I was like, what? And then she's like, but I don't want you to look up the side effects. That's us. Yeah. I was like, wait. Like, obviously you're going to look up the side effects. So we're giving you two prescriptions, but, like, there's no side effects except joy. Joy. Joy.

This guy had a crush on me for almost a year and I rejected him. This past summer, I had a crush on him and he rejected me. Fuck. Yeah, fuck. I'm already lost. I don't know. All due respect, how the fuck did, where did I lose you? I honestly can't be honest. I wasn't listening. This guy had a crush on me for almost a year. Okay? And I rejected him. Okay. Okay.

You're going to relate to this one. This past summer, I had a crush on him and he rejected me. God damn it. We're now just friends, but deep down, I still like him. What do I do? I mean, you kind of missed your chance. You kind of missed your chance, but my thing is you shouldn't feel too bad about it because if he doesn't like you anymore, then how long was it going to last to begin with? Oh, that's good advice. I kind of hit. I know.

Like, you know what I mean? You should find solace in that. But maybe don't be his friend if it's really weighing on your mental. Also, if you guys are close enough, I feel like he could just say. Would you ever just say? Yes. Why are you laughing? Share it with the group. Yes. The text. Well, bleep out the name. Disregard my advice. What did you say in the text? Peyton had a situationship once. Mm-hmm. And it's still on. Do you feel comfortable talking about it right now? No.

Yeah, okay, well, honestly, I think you should just find solace in the fact that he wasn't going to like you for the past summer at all. Or maybe it's just like he's trying to prove a point. Yeah, let him prove that point. And you know what you should do? You should hook up with someone else. Yes, his friend. Oh, yeah. I mean, it sounds like Peyton. Yeah, hook up with his friend. And see if he cares, and if he doesn't, oof. Okay, you know what I'm going to prescribe? You know what I'm going to prescribe? The summer I turn pretty.

How are you going to prescribe that? When you haven't seen it. When you haven't seen it. Fake. Okay. Literally, eat your words. Okay, then you know what I'm going to prescribe? A sick hookup. Okay. Right? Yeah, a sick hookup. And like, if you want to take two meds at once, like hook up with this friend. Yeah. Like that'll do the deal. Two words with one stone. And you know what? The two meds, more side effects, greater outcome. I agree.

Yeah, stir the pot a little bit. Yeah, stir it. I feel like there's nothing to lose. There's a lot to lose. Not really. Yeah, I guess not. But they're still friends. But like... Well, if he's not into her, then she can do whatever she wants. Agreed. I was given the would you rather let your mom die or suck off your dad. I've been truly devastated ever since. I don't want to answer this. Well... Um...

- Holy fuck. - Ew, I'm gonna throw up. - Wait, like respectfully, we can't air this. - Really? - Like my mom's gonna watch this and I can't like let her see that I would rather her die. Like that's disturbing. Yeah. - I'm gonna air it. I don't know what to tell you. - I wish I let you speak at once. - I knew you were just thinking that. - I'm so happy I didn't.

Okay, should we play a quick game of would you rather? I hate you. Should we play a quick game of would you rather? Yeah. So we asked you pussies earlier to send us in some would you rathers. And honestly, I wasn't even expecting that in there. But that is such a good segue into playing would you rather with my girls. So let's pull it up and let's start playing would you rather. Would you rather be Cinderella or Belle? You've never seen either. No, I have. You totally would prefer to be Belle. You would want to be the... She has the yellow dress, right? Yeah. Yeah, Belle. Yeah, I would also say Belle.

Okay. Ew. Would you rather have teeth for pubes or pubes for teeth? I'm letting her answer. I answered the last one. Well, can you shave the teeth? Yeah, you can definitely wax them. I'm going teeth. Okay, would you rather always have mustard in your eye or always have Vaseline on your hands? Vaseline on my hands. Me too. Moisture. Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty easy one. Smell like shit or be bald? Smell like shit. Smell like shit. Smell like shit, for sure. You can cover that up. Yeah. But what if you can't?

Okay, would you rather your nipples bleed when you're aroused or fart every time you hear a Taylor Swift song? It's crazy. I'd rather fart hearing a Taylor Swift song. Really? I feel like that's so often. No, but I usually know I think I'd rather fart when I hear a Taylor Swift song. What if you're in the middle of doing something and you start bleeding and your nipples... Hopefully it's dark.

I feel like I don't listen to Taylor Swift at the club. You know what I mean? I'm listening to her in my car. Speak for yourself. We've been to three Taylor Swift club nights. This one's just stupid. Would you rather meet Taylor Swift or meet a real life octopus? Taylor Swift. Taylor, duh. I don't want to meet an octopus, respectfully. Me either at all. What are you talking about? Can you at least whisper it into the mic so the pussies can hear you? It's so rude. Well, we're going to say it out loud. Okay. We have one for you. We have one that's too specific. Okay, go.

Go off pay. Would you rather have to sleep in a room with no air conditioning or spend an entire day without the conversation being about you? Hard right? Wait, like every night with no AC? Yeah. Like for a week. And then how long does the conversation not have to be about me? Same. A week. A week. You can't open the windows. A fan? No. Nothing. Hot room. I'm going to say I'd rather have AC and not talk about me because...

How would you get by? I wouldn't. With conversation. First of all, I don't believe you. But I wouldn't be able to sleep. You know, yet last night I slept in Alice's room. She was so freezing cold. I put the fan on the floor, put it up and lean sideways. Oh my gosh.

So that I could get a little gust on my face. Pussies, we took an intermission and I think we're ready to get back into Therapus. I'm ready. My roommate is actually the worst smelling human in the world. Nothing could prepare you for the scent she produces. That fucking sucks. Whatever you're thinking, triple it. I asked her to shower more. She has not. Move. Yeah.

Wow, that's like brave to have that conversation. Ask her to shower more? Would you? You would. Yeah, you have to. Like, hey, you smell bad? Yeah. Honestly, I'm astounded by this girl's bravery. Same. Because I would never say that to someone. I would just complain about it. Right? I'd probably complain really loud in front of them. That's Payne's MO. Yeah. You know what I'm going to prescribe for them? A breeze? Maybe a Febreze, but also, you know that movie The Roommate?

- Is that the one where they kill each other? - Yeah. - Yeah, I guess things could be worse, huh? - Yeah, things could be worse. Your roommate could kill you. - I'm prescribing Zillow. You gotta get out of there. - What would you, have you guys ever had an experience where your roommates smelled bad? - No. - This is awkward 'cause we've all really just lived with each other. - Haven't. - I smell bad sometimes. - You're more just like dirty. - Yeah. - And it's like shower. - Ew. - And maybe wash your clothes. - And your sheets. - I'm in love. - And yourself.

I'm in love with two guys who are best friends. That's epic. Wait, sorry. I'm really sorry I wasn't listening again. Julia, it was one sentence. No, I know, but I wasn't listening. Can I just ask you what you think I said? I'm in love with two guys who are best friends. I missed the last part. Honestly, I don't really, like, I'm jealous that that's what you're coming to fucking therapists about. Same. I want that problem. I want that problem. I'm in love with two, but you can be in love with anyone. She's not saying they love her back. Oh, my God. I'm literally prescribing this. Vampire Diaries.

Oh, yeah. And the Samurai Turn Pretty. No, they're brothers. Oh, I guess they're brothers in Vampire Diaries, too. Yeah, but they're also best friends. Vampire Diaries. Okay, so you're prescribing the Vampire Diaries. Yeah, duh. And the Samurai Turn Pretty, both. Slay Cherry Girl says, my mom's crazy. I'm literally Slay Cherry Girl. Slay Cherry Girl says, my mom's crazy ex threatened to kidnap me and her. Fuck. Fuck. Also Copa Mia. Yeah.

Why Copa Mia? Because. Maybe you'd have to watch it. You don't want to spoil it. I watched the first time that the mom willingly went. No. Jake, you're not knowing. There's a whole other layer of the plot and you just don't know. They're kidnapped? You're not knowing. We don't want to spoil it for all the pussies. Fuck, I kind of want to watch Copa Mia now. Because I want them to watch. Alice will. Okay, so I guess we're going to prescribe. You know, some people take the same medication. I forgot the question. My mom's crazy ex threatened to kidnap me and her.

Block him. Well, sounds like they did. I would recommend calling the police. I mean, that's like real life advice. Like you should probably get the authorities involved. I would totally call the police. Yeah. And watch. Yeah.

It's a two-step process for this one. Yeah. Like, authority first, culp of me a second. Yeah. Okay, this is going to be the last one we do before we get into our skit, which I've so lovingly prepared for us three. I'm nervous for the skit. I know, but, like, it'll be fine. I'm not, like, good at acting. Well, we'll just, I'll leave it. I feel like it's easy over text. I'm nervous in person. I can emote better on the phone. Well, we can, we'll just, we have to, like, straight face. Like, it's fine. Okay. Like, no one's expecting Oscars from us. Okay. Okay.

Can we do an exercise first? Yeah. Okay. From Marissa. How do I make friends in college? I'm a sophomore and I'm struggling to connect with people. I tried going out slash staying in, socializing in class. I have no roommate this semester, so that doesn't help. I'm starting to think I'm the problem. I mean... Okay, Marissa.

I feel like you're not the problem. I also don't feel like she's the problem. College is a really hard place to make friends. It's impossible. My first month of college, I cried myself to sleep. Peyton bribed me to come to her room because she would send me photos of her snacks. Yeah. And she said, I have goldfish. It worked. And I have Cheez-Its and I have corn thins. It worked. And it worked. I would shake my ass up there. Yeah. And eat her snacks. We're snacking. We are. So maybe get some snacks in your room and start bribing people.

Yeah. But she's a sophomore, so like people already have snacks. Be proactive. Be proactive and try to make plans. I would say. That's like really good advice. Is it not supposed to be real? No, it is supposed to be real. I would say set a goal for yourself and make one plan a week.

Wow, that was amazing. Yeah, you need to go reach out, text someone, make a dinner plan, make a pregame plan. Even if you have to force someone into a dinner plan, prove to them why you're worthy of their hour. Or Marissa, invite yourself somewhere. Yeah, I invite myself everywhere all the time. Right? Yeah. I've invited myself somewhere. All the time. Yeah. Okay, so invite yourself somewhere. Yeah, me and Peyton became friends because she asked me to go to the gym. Okay. And I DM'd Julie on Instagram. Yeah. Before college. I'm remembering.

You know what I'm going to prescribe for this? Perks of being a wallflower. Wait, fuck, he tries to kill himself. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Prescribe something else. Is it puscribe or? Puscribe. Puscribe, yeah. What's a movie about someone with no friends? I mean, they all end up like doing something dark. Maybe let's not pick a movie. Prescribe joining a club. Did she already try to join clubs? Yeah, I'm going to prescribe to you number one, joining a club, number two, Phoebe Bridgers. And maybe watch reality TV.

I'm going to prescribe reality TV because all these people are thrown in the house and they are not friends with each other and they somehow end up being friends. Totally. Like, I'm going to prescribe, like, Jersey Shore. Yes. Yeah. Jersey Shore. Totally. Like, Jersey Shore, like, that's a great one. Or, like, Summer House. Summer House. Bad Girls Club. Bad Girls Club. Well, they hate each other at the end. I love Summer House. Okay, should we do one more because I'm having fun? Yeah.

From Brooke, my situationship of 14 months started seeing another girl and I found out through Instagram stories. How many months? 14. That's a long time, Brooke. That's a lot of months. Okay, so while I'm just going to say, Brooke, that sucks. Yeah, I mean, sucks. That sucks. That sucks. Obviously, you cannot be with him. It was a situation for a reason. But my issue is like, why was it a situationship for that long? Yeah. 14 months, like, fuck. That's long. Yeah.

You do it too. Fuck, I would. I'm going to bleep. Just let me go. And I won't say specifics so no one will know and we'll cut this part out too. If **** was like leading you on for 14 months, this is an unspecified period of time, you would be down. Yeah. I mean, you were down after way worse. Then if this happened to me though, like **** kind of did happen to you and you were still upset and like still like would be down. Okay, Brooke, I don't think I can help you. Yeah.

Prescribe a best friend. Yeah, I'm going to prescribe your best friend because that's fucking shady. You have to watch two shows and you have to focus on two characters in these two shows. Gossip Girl, focus on Blair. Absolutely. Scandal, focus on Olivia Pope. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, you guys. Well, I think we are at the very end of the Tell Me What's Wrongs and I would like to do a little skit with you guys. Peyton, you have to switch with me because we're FaceTiming you. Fuck, okay. Okay, you take the... Okay, ready?

Okay, so the skit is me, Pei, and Jewel. I feel like you should be Taylor. Okay, I'll be Taylor. So we like to cosplay Brittany Mahomes, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez. No, we like to... Are we not? Oh, I'm usually Travis Kelsey. I just don't know if I can do a good impersonation. And usually we're a chat of... It was Travis introducing Brittany and Taylor. Yeah, and so I was like, here's the group chat. We've made it. Me and Pei, I was Taylor, Pei was Brittany, and we were like...

Like Peyton was like trying to like be all inclusive to me. Sign your jersey size. We made a rest for after the game. I'm coordinating. I'm doing the party bus. I'm making the plans and I'm including Taylor. Okay. So for the skit, we are going to do Taylor and Selena FaceTiming Brittany after Brittany is in, um, is, was in the skims campaign.

Okay, ready? I'm nervous that I'm about to be ganged up on. Can I just be honest for like one second? Right. Like, obviously, like, this isn't going to happen. Like, we're already in our positions. You want to be Taylor? No, no, no, no. No, that wasn't personal. You're just usually Taylor. You are usually Taylor. Okay, can we just do this again? Well, I was just going to say that it makes a little more sense if me and Pete are Selena and Taylor because we're both usually getting mad at you.

Okay, I'll be Brittany. No, it's too late. But like, I'm just like, it's too late. And like, Brittany is me. Like, I'm already so used to being her. Okay, okay. You ready? Fuck, I'm nervous. I know. Wait, ready? You're gonna be like, you should call her. Ready? No, yes, you can. Yes, you can. Are you ready? I'm trying to get into the zone. No, yeah. Okay, ready? No. Wait, Taylor. Wait, Sal, I'm sorry.

Okay. Okay, ready? Ready, ready. Wait, Sal, did you see this? Brittany's doing the Skims campaign, and I'm just confused because she was so nice to me last week, but, like, she didn't tell me anything about the Skims campaign, and honestly, I don't know. Wait, what? Should I call? Yeah. Call Brittany Mahomes new. Wait, like, does she, like, know? Shut up. Hey, Britt, it's me and Sal. Hey.

Hi, girls. Wait, so we were just sitting here. We had so much fun at dinner the other day. We had so much fun. So much fun. Okay, well, I was just calling. I was going to call you alone, but Sel has been here. She's having a moment. And like you know, we're attached at the hip. Yeah, we're attached. Yeah, girls. Skims? Skims?

Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. I honestly wouldn't have. No, no, no, no, no. I wanted to address the elephant in the room. Right. I was going to call you earlier just because I wanted to make sure there was no tension. I mean, like, there's a little bit of tension. Sal, shut up. Selena, yeah. Yeah. This isn't about you. But I just really wanted to clear the air because I wanted you to know we filmed all of that.

Before I knew about you and Trav. No, of course. I just like wish you told me because like a bunch of people. I know. I know. Because like a bunch of people were like sending it to me as you can imagine being like, wait, aren't you and Brit Brit like super close? I know, but I didn't know about the timeline. You know, it dropped today. I mean, tell you before. Selena, sorry. Sal, honestly, not to throw you under the bus. Sal was more pissed than I was.

Wait, Taylor, what the fuck? Sorry. Sorry. I just, like, think, like, I don't know. Like, I'm Taylor's best friend, as you know. She's just, like, so protective. Yeah, and, like, I just, like, if it were me and, like, something like that happened and, like, yeah, out of your control, whatever. But, like, if it were me, like, I definitely would have, like, I don't know, maybe. No, I honestly wasn't even going to call you about this. Travis was like, you need to calm down. Love that ref, girl. Yeah.

I'm just, like, not looking for anything to, like, tear down, like, Trav and Tay, because, like, why would we want that to happen? Right. All right, you guys. That was seriously not fucking okay. I don't think we can do that. That was fucking weird. Oh, no. I think we have to. And you know what? On that note, it's honestly quite fitting that Peyton's in the therapist chair. You know what, you guys? Your session is officially up. Thank you for... Oh, okay. Will you hold this into my mouth?

There you go. Okay. Your session and, oh, wait, sorry. Yeah, so that skit was really fun. Oh, fuck. Okay, your session is over. Thank you so much for coming to Therapus. It's better for your mind and it's better for your tentacles. And thank you to Peyton and Julia for hanging out with us today. As you know, go to PassThatPuss.com and tell me what's wrong for next week. I love you, pussies.

you