Uprooted | S2E9 | For Whom the Bell Bongs
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Mikey Gilder and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time.

Let's go in the direction of the echo. Whoa! Whoa! We'll go in the direction of the echo. Through the darkness of the tunnel, you see what looks like a large black pooch. I was a little worried by the giant monster spiders and the striking wolf, but these are some fine accommodations. As soon as you enter the courtyard of this enormous looming castle... Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

- Oh, God. - I am friends. - You scared us. - The master has been waiting for you. My name is Michael, the master. I serve the master here. It's Count Morlock. He'll be so pleased to have you for dinner. - Oh! - I wish you good night. - Good night again, Michael. - Thanks for everything. - Have a good night. - We appreciate it. - Sleep well. - Good night. - We're trying. We're really trying here.

You'll find this place is as quiet as the grave. It is as dark as a crypt. Beware a skeleton.

As the skeleton looks at you and it says oh shoot, I thought this was my room Sorry, you guys nightmares. I'm sorry to hear that really had a nightmare It was just like this weird shadow guy that came in my room and tried to have sex with me But I told him I had a headache Yeah, but then he went to Jean-Claude's room and fucked him all

I was haunted by the ghost of my brother. You will be feasting, yes, with the monster. Okay. He eagerly awaits. Each must drink a full goblet of blood. Orange mimosas.

- You are all standing in the hallway where your quarters are at as Wygor offers the tray of these fruity alcoholic beverages. - Is there champagne in this? - No!

Of course not. Why? What makes it a mimosa? Oh, well, it's sparkling wine. Champagne must come from the province of Champagne in France. And we're in the dim wood. France doesn't exist in this universe. I swipe a glass and I smell it. How does it smell? It smells quite light and good. Refreshing and delightful. I slam it. Ah! Wow, I really needed that. Of course. That was delightful.

I say, I'll save your mind if I do. It tickles my nose. Yes, and for you. You got two of them, because I've got two hands.

Well, I could perhaps make another of the kitchenese on the other end of the castle. In the forbidden wings. Yeah, I mean, if you wouldn't mind, that would be awesome, because I don't want this hand to get lonely. Oh, and my knees are so agonized lately. Well, so second it, I'll also have two, but I do have a question. And the gout, oh!

Why is the kitchen in the forbidden wing? What is that all about? And why is it forbidden? The forbidden wing? Yeah. What's going on over there? Ah, if I told you that, I would have to kill you. Violently. Wait for the joke here. With a knife. Wait for the shooter to drop. Oh, here it comes. And pull your intestine. No. Here comes the joke.

And then eat your intestines. Ew. I don't think he's joking. In Roblox. What the fuck is a Roblox? That's the other wing of the castle.

The roadblocks wing? That's a thing? Well, I say it just legally means he can't be held accountable to his threats against you. Oh! Well, all right. Well, you know, we definitely want another round. Some of us, several. So chop chop. Come on, hurry up. Go work. Would you care for a bucket of peach? Yes, we're all out. Will breakfast be served?

How long do we have until that? Alright, we'll set it at home. Labor?

Much to do, much to do. Well, I can't get started on any kind of labor if I'm not significantly drunk. I must be going. The bell tolls in the cathedral of the dead. I must away. And he shuffles off. That was weird.

That was weird. This guy's getting weirder. You guys feel like that? Like, this guy's getting weirder? I don't even remember seeing a cathedral on the way here. Me neither. A bell came from nowhere. Straight out of nowhere. I mean, to be fair, there's a forbidden wing in here, but apparently the dead walk among us in some way. And death reigns supreme. Yeah, and he's gonna eat your intestines. Allegedly. In Roblox. Yeah, whatever that is. Why go on such a straight shooter? LAUGHTER

Do you think he's gonna bring back those mimosas, or...? I hope so. I told him it was important. I know, but he sounded like he was going to the cathedral. Well, true. I guess we'll find out. I don't think we're getting any mimosas or breakfast. We're having mimosas now? Yeah, we're not getting breakfast because he wants us to be hungry for dinner. I know, but I don't like to intermittent fast if I can help it.

You are a growing boy. I am, and I need me nutrients. I know the rest of you slept all night, but I mean, I was-- Well, most of us slept all night, but this guy over here was quite busy. John Claude worked up an appetite. Holy moly. You probably lost a lot of weight last night, didn't you, buddy? He needs a lot of vitamin A right away. I was killing machine last night. What? The blood.

Huh? The Eichel, you know that's how it's pronounced? No, I thought it went over that way. So much death. I'm a little concerned about you, and I like it. Oh, no. I mean, look, I'm not going to give you any grief for just wantonly killing things. I mean, sometimes it must be done.

I just worked up an appetite, that's all. But anyway, I can last. I'm fine. I'm fine. Who invites a bunch of people to their castle and then puts them to work? I didn't want to do any work. I mean, all he said was labor. Well, he said labor. He said, well, work. Yeah, but he didn't tell us what it was. Thank God the bell went and he's gone. I don't want to do any work. It could be, you know, it doesn't mean necessarily manual labor. It better not be. What if you're pregnant? What? I don't think so. You shouldn't have the mimosa if you're pregnant.

Too late for that! You had that whole thing real fast. Are you craving pickles, dirt, ice cream? Definitely not dirt. I could go for some ice cream, but I wouldn't call it craving. You wanna put fries in it? No, not really. Yeah, you're not pregnant. Okay. Grumly?

Uh, what? You want to put some pickles or fries in your ice cream? Uh, it does sound kind of good. Well, Grumly's pregnant. What? I'm pregnant? No, you're definitely pregnant, and I think we found out why he wants to say you're going to go into labor. How many litters do you think a pug can have? How many pugs in a litter? Oh, I don't know. I mean, does it vary from pug to pug, or is it always the same? Good question. No, I think it varies from pug to pug. How's your stomach feeling?

Is it like bull? I mean, I could go for some breakfast. Well, no, not if you're hungry. I don't want to get in it fast if I can help it. Like, push on your stomach. Do you feel anything on the inside? Wait, are you saying there could be something on the inside? Yeah, little pugs. I don't like this line of dialogue right now. I'm uncomfortable. Just telling you, I think you're pregnant.

Maybe that's what he meant by labor. Wait, wait, wait. Did you guys hear that bell again? What? The bell went off again. The bells. Oh, no, he's coming back. Well, at least maybe he has the mimosas. No more mimosas for you. He better have that damn mimosas. Yeah, you can't have any mimosas if you're pregnant. I'm not pregnant. Ice cream and pickles?

"But that's pretty normal, don't you think?" No. "Sweet and salty, it's a classic mix." Do you want to put fries in your ice cream? "Do you like chocolate-covered pretzels?" No. Well, yes, I do. Who doesn't like chocolate-covered pretzels? Okay, no, but that's normal. That's top tier, I mean-- We're talking like deer tier. Okay, okay, if I put a bowl of clay in front of you right now, would you eat it? A bowl of clay? No, I mean, that's not food, that's clay.

- Why would I eat clay or dirt? - What if I put a bowl of mashed potatoes right in front of you and I squirted hot sauce all over them and then maybe some chocolate sauce, would you eat it? - You're pregnant, I'm telling you, you're pregnant. - I wouldn't say no. - I mean, I wouldn't not try. - Let's move on. - I'd like to see if Wygor is coming since I heard him groan from down the hallway. - Oh, you hear and you hear like the scraping.

And I pray to all of the gods. But it's echoing throughout the castle, and then it disappears. It doesn't sound like he's coming back. Those bells are weird. It's not any kind of a clock. I thought maybe the owl had rung. It's just tolling for some reason. It seems to be completely random. I love it. Yeah. You love it? Yeah. Well, whatever makes you happy, Betsy. It just sort of surprises you. It comes out of nowhere. Okay. All right. Well, maybe the... I'll say, remember, the count uses the system of bells to summon his people.

I'm gonna be honest with you guys. If we got a few hours to kill, the Forbidden Wing's calling to me. I'm gonna go make my own mimosa. What do I gotta wait on this guy? That's just what I was gonna say. We go to the Forbidden Wing and eat some fucking mimosas. I mean, how bad could it be? We can make some breakfast, too. Well, I don't wanna be that. We don't wanna be rude. We're gonna have breakfast. We're gonna eat with the Count, the King, whatever his name is. The Lord of the Manor. We're gonna eat with him. But I need a mimosa, alright? Wygo does seem easily mistaken. And also slow and repulsive.

And he sure does like to offer bitch. I'm just going to say it right now, that guy is a freak. I mean, we just got up. I say we're going to stay in our room. We're going to go to work. I will be absolutely shocked if at some point during the course of our stay at this mansion, it does not come to blows between us and Wyvern. Just going to say it. No! We can't hurt him. Oh, he will most certainly make the first move.

And then we would be forced to beat him down into submission and destroy his lifeless body. Well, I mean, go for the knees if that happens, but... I mean, he did say that his knees were already damaged, so it's not going to take as long. He mentioned gout? Ugh. What about Gus Rice? I wanted to tell him all he had to do was have some cherry juice and he'd be all right. Is that true? Oh, I don't know. I just heard someone say it once. Oh, my gout's flaring up real bad. Can you get me some cherry juice? So I did. I don't know if it helped. Ah, fascinating.

So which way to the Forbidden Wind? And I begin to look around to see if there's that bell again. Bell tolls. It goes from beyond the castle. Do you think someone's getting married? You normally hear lots of bells when there's a wedding. Yeah, but they're usually cheerier, you know, not so melancholy and scary. I mean, everything about this place is a little melancholy. Dour, yeah. You're saying death reigns supreme and you were visited by a skeleton. Yeah, but it was cool. At first I was like, oh, no.

Oh no, I was a little scared. Am I gonna lie? Well, maybe it's a skeleton wedding. Maybe they use a spooky bed. Where else but the Forbidden Wing? We'll go find it. Yeah, because if there's a wedding and that's where the kitchen is, I mean, it'll be bustling because they'll be working on the cake and all of the food for the reception and stuff, so. What do you think they eat? Skeletons? Yeah. I don't know. Flesh? It's like bear ribs.

Well, no, they probably eat cobwebs and things. Maybe some spiders. What makes them spare ribs? Are they ribs that you don't need?

Good question. What's funny about it? I eat every rib that I've got. I'm certainly not giving any up. The bell's just making me hungry. I'm getting upset. Anyone else have a craving for tacos? I don't think I've ever had a taco. Yeah, what's a taco? No, it's like a, you know, and then it's, and then there's, and then you, you know. We probably shouldn't elaborate on that anymore. I look for any sign of where there might be, I look around just to see if there's any indication. I would say make an investigation check.

We're playing Dungeons and Dragons. Oh shit, I don't even have dice. 13. 13. Oh, there we go. You look around and you get a sense, this castle's very old and it's very much of strange construction, but you feel like if you wandered around, you feel like you could probably find the Forbidden. We didn't figure out where a kitchen would be in a castle. I pick a direction based on my sense of my perception of what I've investigated. And I start to walk. You do. Not at a brisk pace, just leisurely.

Okay, you do. I follow. You feel like maybe we should just randomly walk into rooms and see what's in these places? Oh yeah, couldn't hurt. I mean, we're already being snoops. We might as well just send it all the way, you know? All right, left to right.

You take left, I'll get right. All right, gotcha. And we just begin to check door handles and be really awful guests. Absolutely awful. Most of them are locked. Not this one's locked. Same over here, locked. All right, well, you take right, I'll take left. All right, switch it up. We keep going. We're just casually checking doors as we're perusing through. Okay, I would like you to roll a d8 for me. Both of us or just one of us? Okay, okay.

Feel that? Two. Five. Five. Okay. Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you. You make your way through this castle and you're trying doors and most of these, most of the rooms, especially as you're going into this wing or this tower with various rooms are locked and you keep checking and it feels incredibly empty.

You see the occasional skittering of small and relatively large spiders as they make their home in the, especially in the upper reaches of these large, vaulted ceiling rooms. You see the occasional painting or tapestry that looks incredibly old.

And you see these forms, these illustrations, these weavings of this Count Morlock, seemingly as a very imposing, handsome bat, as he appears to be some sort of warlord. As Morlock

Booker, the first room that you open is the bell rings again. And you're getting a sense that it's coming from outside the castle from beyond the courtyard, from what you can tell. Distant. It's distant. It's distant from where you're at. As you open and you find a...

The first door that opens is, surprisingly, it gives you a little bit of trouble, but then you put some force into it, and it creaks open, and you see a very dusty armory. There are rows of suits of armor and weapons, and there's various spears that are all lining this wall, and on each of the walls,

Each of the spears is a skull. He's mounted a skull that seems to have rotted away long ago. But you see a wide variety of creatures, creature of skull types. You see that there is a bird, you see that there seems to be what might be a feline skull.

But you see a surprising number of mole skulls. Actually, I'll just give you that. You probably don't know what a mole skull looks like. I don't think I've ever met a mole. Yeah. Maybe you probably haven't met a mole. I don't think I have. But I don't really know what their skulls look like.

I think Grumly might know what a mole skull would look like in his training. Those look like mole skulls. That's dark. Do I recall the lord of this manor? Did Wygwer mention that he had an army or something about living statues or something? Am I making that up? Living armor? I thought he mentioned something about it. Maybe I could be entirely-- I don't think so.

Like I said, I may have just made it up in my delirium. I thought he mentioned something, or maybe he was just saying that he commands the dead. I can't remember. Maybe I made all that up. I'm gonna pretend like he didn't. I'm gonna pretend like he didn't. I just wanted to ask, just to make sure. Yeah, I can hear you. Why, this is a fearsome display of the damn bell.

- A fearsome display of why would he keep all these skulls on these spears? This is kind of dumb. - Is he saving them for later? - Well, he probably got them at the Spirit Halloween. - So many of them.

Yeah. Well, once a year they have a really huge sale. So if you want to decorate a really dreary, you know, gothic style manor like that, if that's your aesthetic, you could just go down there and just get tons of skulls. Well, I suppose that's just good business. They're probably all real. Oh my God, this is real. It's not fake. It's not plastic. It's real. It clatters to the ground and breaks in half. Spiders skitter out of it. That one was real, but the rest are probably all fake. Probably. So this is not Halloween decoration storage room? No.

You know, one skull really doesn't tell us about the rest. I don't like the forbidden wing. Are we even at the forbidden wing yet? We just went down the first hall. If this is not forbidden, what is forbidden? Oh my, that's a great question. Do you guys think it's actually a forbidden wing? Because I have a phobia to that. Well, you don't really call something a forbidden wing if you don't mean it, you know?

Well, that sounds pretty forbidden, then. I mean, are you really sure we should be going down there? It's probably just what it's called. I bet he also has, like, the interior decorator's wing. Oh. The unforbidden wing. That one sounds real nice. The chicken wing. I mean, I'm sure there's... A chicken wing? Yeah. You're hungry, aren't you?

That's the pregnancy talking. No, it would be weird if I eat chicken, given that I'm a good friend. You're a rooster, though. Same family. A rooster's just a kind of chicken. He's still a chicken. I wouldn't be upset with you if you ate a toad. Well, because you're a frog. Exactly right.

We should not discuss cannibalism such as this. Oh, we would talk... Oh, I thought you meant something else. I take one last look around this room. Yeah. As I think to myself, and if there's nothing of interest outside of these skulls, I would close, slowly close the door. And you see a full, there's tons of weapons of all manner. They look very old.

And you would see that the interest would be the fact that there's, and what I would say is actually make, are you going to investigate or are you just kind of like? - No, I think my goal was very much to just head to the Forbidden Wing to the best of our ability and just look at things and be nosy as we're going by. I like step, I didn't even want to step fully in. I just wanted to poke my head in, see, go to it and keep moving. It was my thought. I don't want to investigate.

You hear the bell. I didn't hear it at all. Is it getting more frequent? What's going on? And you make your way through, and eventually you feel like, what the hell does a Forbidden Ring look like? Then you see a large double door that's...

of shrieking dead ghosts and skulls and tortured corpses that are all writhing in equal parts agony and ecstasy as they kill each other. In this horrific scene, there are children dying of plague and there's all sorts of horrific, vile scenes, witches flying on strange broomsticks and poles through the air.

and there's a large sign at the top that's carved that says "Forbidden Wing." There you go. It's as easy as that. You think that's it?

Most likely, yeah. That is some provocative art. I was gonna suggest if they caught us here that we just say we couldn't have possibly known we were in the Forbidden Ring, we don't know the castle. But it seems how he had the foresight to write the name Forbidden Ring above the door, I think would-- Just tell him we can't read. That's a great idea. Well, that's good, I think he'd believe that, yeah. Do you think that he made the art after it was forbidden or before? Hard to say.

It's a vocative, I'll give you that. What's your favorite piece of art if you had to pick one? This? Yeah. Those people playing jump rope without other person's intestines. That's a good one. I'm a fan of the saggy haggas. I like the little devil guy with, he's real small and he's got a little pitchfork, but that giant penis, it's like hanging on the floor.

It's a good piece. Why? It's a good piece. Why is it so big? Are those supposed to be nuns? Why are the breasts so large? I knew that was coming. That's why they call them Nunga Nungas. Whoa! Jean-Claude, what do you respond to this? I've never quite went for Renaissance era dead part. Um...

I find the whole display a bit unsettling, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly why he would choose this section of the castle to prepare his blood orange mimosas. You, the five of you who called it out, the little figures and critters that you call out, they all turn and look at you suddenly. Oh gosh. And they open their mouths in unison.

Beware! Holy crap! For this wing is forbidden. Shit, there goes our defense. Beware of what? Stay out. Of what? This wing. Do you think he means the wing that we're currently in? Maybe we should go into the forbidden wing. Yeah, we should get out of this.

Oh, that's a good point. We should. Oh, we're sorry. We're sorry. We'll get out of here really quick. We have to get ourselves in quickly. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Go, go, go. You have to paint it. You have to paint it.

Screams of wailing souls. We get to the other side of the threshold. Why are jinnies so big? Yeah, we get to the other side of the threshold and I look at her and I say, look, I don't know many things in life, but one of the truths is don't ever ignore the warnings of a phantom.

a fat titty nun. That's true. I'm so glad we got out of that hall before something bad happened. It was really kind of that big penis guy to tell us that we shouldn't be there. Oh, it was very helpful, Frank. We could have been caught on the wrong side of the hall. When he turned around, I ducked.

Take your hat off. Just clean off your shoulders, you know? That's quite impressive that he made a painting in three dimensions. Yeah, it's like a Dark Souls dungeon. The dogs under the blades. The timing is very important. You gotta hit roll. It's sooner than you think. All right, now what? You see, as the door closes behind you, and you hear a ch-chunk of a large lock. Ch-chunk!

You see here, dozens of locks start to trigger behind you. You see a long hallway with several large, heavy doors. This room has no windows. It is completely pitch black. The sconce-- You hear the very distant muffled bell from beyond the door. I can still hear it, dammit! As you

see that there are, that this room is so dark, you can see a hallway, but beyond that, it's very difficult to tell. I have darkvision. So do I. Do you think that Wygar has to talk to them every time he comes in here? Ah, that would get old quick. Yeah, that would get old real quick.

That wasn't Weigel? Maybe that's why his knees are in so much pain, because he constantly has to duck every time that guy turns. Oh, he has to roll! Yeah. His agility is probably really low, so he rolls slow. He rolls on his knees, though. Where do you get gout? What part of the body? I think it's like a joint thing, like just in general, your joints. You usually feed that thing. I thought it was that spot between your asshole and your ball sack. That's not your gout?

No, no, no, you're confused. You're confused. What is that? Yeah, Booker, what is that pod? You know, I've said too much. I've said too much. We're one step closer to those mimosas. Come on, let's keep going. Maybe there'll be like a kitchen tableau and they'll talk to us about mimosas. Maybe, if we get lost, we'll ask the paintings.

And we proceed forward. I lead the group towards, hopefully, Mamosas. You... I didn't think it had a name. You look...

I fall behind Booker. If Beauregard was here, you would know. You think of Beauregard fondly, and you see... How fondly, really? That the first door you come across is made of iron, and not only is it... seems to have a padlock, it has chains and iron bars barring it.

and it says etched in this strange script, you can make out the words, and it says Count Morlock. - Oh, whoa, there we go, the Count. - Do you think that's a suggestion or a requirement? - Suggestion for sure, I mean, you know.

You know, like speed limits. Yeah, just suggestions, right? It's a guideline, more or less. Yeah. Granted, that padlock is pretty serious. It's a serious lock. Do you think that it's locked?

Is it booked up? I mean, is it locked? You could try it. It might just jiggle free. I continue to make this egregious face at Bitsy as I am stunned by her suggestion, and I walk over very sarcastically and attempt to open the door, expecting it to be locked. It's extremely locked. Well, you gotta pull the pad. I try to, like, jiggle the padlock and see if it unlocks. It's very heavily locked.

Can you pick a lock? I could pick the lock. Well, I can pick locks. I don't know about this particular lock. Oh, but you're not good enough to pick that lock. I might not be. Look at it. It looks like good metal. It's bigger than your head. It is. You know, it could have like 40 different, you know... Tumblers? Yeah. Pins. That's what I'm looking for. Pins. You could have like 400 pins in there. Look at the size of that thing. But it says count more lock only. We already established that we can't read.

Oh, you're right. Well, you know, Morlock's not spelled like you think it'd be spelled. And we also established that it was just a suggestion and not...

A hard and fast rule. Well, and here's the thing. We're going to meet with him in a little bit anyway to have the feast. I want those mimosas. We know where it's here. We can come back, right? I wouldn't assume they're behind this door. Yeah, I don't really need anything in there anyway. Especially if he's having a wedding right now. He's probably not in there. Could be. And Count Morlock only will then we know that Wygor's not going in there. So the mimosas aren't in there.

Did you hear that cough down the hallway? I swear. Who is it? Hello? That's why, Gorr, I'm going to be so pissed. Hello? Who's there? Are you a pervert? Or a cultist? Maybe it's just the door behind us. Or a skeleton? Making noise. Sounds like somebody's got tuberculosis. Good lord. How can skeletons cough? I don't know. I don't think it's a skeleton. They're our lungs. Thank you. How did he say?

- Oh shit, you're right. - That's crazy. - How big is your penis? - That's a good question. 14. - 14, you do hear down at the very end of this hall, sounds like coughing and hacking and scraping. - Oh, it's just somebody making pancakes. - Oh!

In the kitchen! They're making breakfast! That's exactly where we should go! Let's go get some breakfast! Mimosas are on site. Let's go! Thank god! We head towards the sound of promise of pancakes and mimosas. I pause for one second, and I look up at the door with the chains and the irons and everything, and I reread the words "count Morlock only," and I very quickly just go: One Morlock!

And then I chase after everyone. You do, and you pass several doors that all seem to be, they all have padlocks, they're all locked up. Warnings, keep out, count Morlock only, until you find the very last door in this wing.

And it is closed, but it seems to be unlocked as you see that there's a glow from between the doors and you hear a hacking and coughing and sounds like movement from inside. Hello to me.

Move the plate. I really hope this isn't the kitchen, because whoever's hacking like that better not be hacking all over the pancakes. Well, no, it's probably just the flowers getting up in the air. Have you ever baked? Because sometimes you get something in the air, and then you're coughing and sputtering, and it's awful. Did he say sweet fantastic? I thought I heard sweet meat. Oh, so it is the kitchen. That's what I think.

Should we knock on the door? No, that's not really our style. We'll welcome ourselves in. Do you want to go first, then? Sure, let's find out. And I'm going to try to open this door, I guess, where we hear this voice. You open the door, and the heat hits you in the surprising amount of...

despite how cold and frigid this castle is, the heat blasts as you open the door, as you see a roaring fire and a bubbling,

a bubbling pot on there in the fireplace. There seems to be some sort of stew being made. As you see a very strange kitchen all laid out. But it seems to be surprisingly well stocked. As you see exactly who you expect to see. As you see Wygor. As he's shambling around. As he's...

He has a very fancy orange press, and there is a very fresh basket of blood oranges, and he's cutting it. And he says, next will ask me to make daiquiris using this margaritaville machine. It was a very pristine margaritaville machine with fresh ice in it. And as he's mumbling, they'll eat their intestines. Oh, to have the pleasure.

I'm attracted to all I meet. Hey, Mygor. Ah! Ah, it's just Booker. It's just Booker. Oh, what are you doing here? Well, you know, we thought about it, and we realized, you know, you said that you have conditions, gout, all sorts of stuff, and we didn't want you to have to walk all the way

All the way back to us. And it certainly has nothing to do with the fact that we don't like you, that you're decrepit and you're too slow. We wanted to come meet you halfway to get those moses. How did you make it past the door of the forbidden? What? What do you mean? The forbidden door with the spooky stuff on it. No, no, we talked to them. Well, they talked to us, really. We were pretty taken aback, but they told us that we shouldn't be where we were and that we were supposed to come in to get away from the horrors. Did you not heed their warnings?

- No, we did. They told us they said get out of the hallway quick, and so we did. - We ushered ourselves into the wing. Oh, there's the bell again. - The dead rest in the cathedral, and they rise, they are restless. I must provide their delightful ichor. - Okay, how about the mimosas? - Oh, the mimosas, yes. - Witchcraft!

What's the matter? You've never seen an orange? He's just using a press to make fresh-squeezed blonde oranges. Oh! Oh, Bitsy! Oh, gosh, she's foaming! She's foaming in the mouth! She has died! We must feed her the... No!

No, no, she's not dead yet, but she's choking on her tongue! Quick, quick, quick! Stick your fingers in there! Stick your fingers in there! Get a tongue out of her throat! Dips a ladle into the cauldron, and you see that there's bits of carapace and spider eyeball, and you see, Grumly, that hanging up are the corpses of

dozens of spiders and huge insects of wide varieties. Seemingly, you see that there are crossbow bolts and ax wounds on them. As they're all hung up, you see that there's some in a locker. Oh, we must feed her the ichor! - Oh, you don't need to worry about that. I've had to do this before, and I, with Bitsy's permission, shove my tongue down her throat to hold it open.

"Witchcraft!" "Who are you?" "I'm a witchcraft!" "What happened? Where am I?" "I'm holding a mimosas. I'm checking on you. Are you alright?" "Oh." "It was real. All of it. Look!" "Are they restless?"

Sorry, I lost the time. What happened? We found the kitchens. Here's Wygor. He's making us our mimosas. I almost returned you to life. The Eichel. Isn't that your name? My name? My name doesn't sound anything like it. It's Wygor. It's Wygor. Yeah. Wait, say the other thing again. The necropolis Eichel. I have a small request.

I'm really not feeling a mimosa. Could you make a blood orange-erita? Maybe a frozen one? A blood orange-erita? Yeah. I'm more of a tequila girl myself. Peggy, it's like 7 a.m. QQQ, I'm not judging. It's 5 o'clock somewhere. This is far more cumbersome than they let on on the QVC. LAUGHTER

It takes 30 minutes to make money. Oh, okay. Oh, the pitcher. I'd never wash the dust out of the pitcher. I would be-- She probably doesn't mind the dust. Oh, there it goes.

I mean, I helped make this, I'm pretty sure. I mean, like, I definitely killed at least some portion of these things.

Wow. See that crossbow bolt? Yeah. That was, well, I missed that one, but then the big cool wolf guy, I don't really know his name, he nailed it right between the eyes. Wow. And see that axe mark right there? Well, I was going for it and I tripped and tumbled on meself and then he got it right in the back. Yeah, so I helped.

I don't think I made any of those wounds, now that you mention it. You know, you can't really know in the heat of battle, right? It's a lot happier. Confound your thinking! That's really loud, Flago. That's obnoxiously loud. Icon!

"Icore? Icore? Icore?" Oh, why would there be a pulse?

They seek the icon. I must throw away soon. They grow restless. You are weighing again. And filled with ire. In a court. How often do you weigh? That's very funny. How often do you weigh? How do I know when it's done? How do I know when it's done?

Oh, I have to wait for the whole song. The entirety of it's five o'clock somewhere begins playing. That is a banger. This song slaps. I never should have bought this thing. It took three years of wages. Why, Gore? Why is this all forbidden? The forbidden wing!

Why is this wing forbidden? You should not be here. This wing is forbidden. Yeah, but we're here now. It doesn't seem that forbidden. This guy's losing his mind. And how come you purchased a personal Margaritaville margarita-making machine? Yeah, with your own money. With your own money. That seems like something the Count would at least give you money for. And you keep it in the forbidden way. And if you spend like 5, 10, 15 minutes on yoga every morning, you just buff that right out.

Okay, the song is over. Oh, what would Jimmy Buffett do? Indeed. Here you go. Oh, I'm not thirsty anymore, thanks. I'll take it. Oh, it's cold, no thanks.

Well, I'll say that looks pretty good. You think you'll make a second? All right. I mean, I'll make a couple more. You're at it. Make three of them. I know it's one at a time, but it doesn't sound like it. I'll take it. Give one to Grumly. We'll take a few more. It's mostly ice. It makes your teeth hurt. Isn't anyone going to drink that? No, I want yours. You take it. I'll take that. And then John and Claude, I'll get the next two. I must complete the ritual.

to create the icon. Okay, but first make sure you're doing the margaritas. Come on, they're going to take a while. Let's go. Aye, you must wait. The eyes of the dead grow restless. There are two more to join me. There's a great feast to be had as the dead will feast and the dead will dance. Oh, yes. He hobbles over to the pot. He goes, Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Rosako! Ros

The moment he abandons the margarita machine... The moment he abandons the margarita machine and goes over and starts completing this ritual, I look at Jean-Claude and I say, this guy is fucking useless. And I go, I hit the button.

Trying to drown out the ritual to see if I can make the remaining two margaritas. Wait, all of us are going

- Those are completely oblivious to what's happening, 'cause we're making our drinks. - I'll like to drink mine. - The fire chain is in this horrible, sickly green, and from the flames, you hear . - We're listening to the song. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm hopping along. - Never off fun, okay? - All right, fine. If you're making it, I'll have fun. - All right, got you. - All right.

as we make song, song, song. Probably's got it, probably's got it. This is so fun. Song, song, song. As, uh...

As Wygur conducts a horrific necromantic ritual. This is the best episode of D&D. This arc is amazing. This is the greatest thing I've ever done. This NPC is the greatest NPC you've ever created. This is the best thing you've ever done. You can retire now.

As this continues, as you all make, you make however many-- I make three more. Peggy changed her mind again, so we make sure we have four margaritas completed. It takes easily 40 minutes. I continue to drink from the pitcher of blood orange. And then once the margaritas are done, I dole them out. Okay, all right, labor of love, here we go. This is gonna taste great. Cheers!

Wow, that is cold. Brain freeze! All you have to do is hold the thing up to your head. You have to drink it slowly, Gromit. Don't suck it down. As soon as it hits the roof of your mouth, it's all over. Why, Gore? Oh!

of your glasses. We're sorry. You're going to have to clean it up. I know that's going to hurt your knees, but it's real bad. Watch out for the glasses. There's shards everywhere. You don't want to cut yourself. It's hard to tell the difference between shards and ice. And the floor will be sticky. My iliaster runs low.

I'm a sweet-blooded quintessence. What? What do you mean? Are those something about love? I don't know what he says. Oh, I think he's got a bit of a cold. There's this horrid, like, radioactive green sheen on the cauldron now as he begins to lay the left arm

into several large balls as he gets in. I must away to the catacombs beneath the Cathedral of the Dead, the area that is more forbidden than this. More forbidden? Yes. The price for entering the Forbidden Wing.

I will explain later, I don't have time. As he scampers away with this Necropolis I-Core. More forbidden than forbidden. Do you think it's like five-bitten? Don't come in any of the rooms! There awaits

When is your feast? Is it soon? "Tomb." Can we have the key to that iron door? "Tomb." No! None shall find the keys hidden beneath the welcome mat of our installment of the Margaritaville. You don't say. All right. Thank you. I don't know how we're going to get in. Good luck, Wy'gorub. We'll be here. Thank you. We'll never find it. "Highway!"

And I must nourish on the Iliaster of the Master. All right. He will nourish me from his very breast. Okay, thank you. Stop talking about it and be about it. Come on, get out of here. You are just destroying the mood. This guy's a vibe killer. We were having a really great time. I was really enjoying this margarita.

Did you just try and pocket sand us? What the hell was that? What are you doing? Get away. Get out of here. Don't touch me. You see that this radioactive, it's not really, it's more of a blue-green, it's like this turquoise that's bubbling in the cauldron. And it's this bright, this bright turquoise that's bubbling. It's almost like this neon turquoise as he carries the bowls of it away. It smells very strange. Yeah.

Well, we should probably go start looking in some of the rooms in the Forbidden Wing, because he said don't go to the forbidden, forbidden catacombs and look in any doors there, which to me sounds like we should look in the doors here. Oh, for sure. Didn't he say he needed us for labor?

I think he meant later, when we have dinner with the master. Oh, he means later for the feet. Of course, of course. Well, if there's a reason that this room had margaritas and butter on the mimosas, the others probably served conch fritters. What I would not give for a conch fritter right about now. I think we should check him out. I think he said where the key was, Booker. I look underneath the margaritaville book of madness.

What are you talking about? You actually find a welcome mat right out front of the door. It says, "The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful." Banger. Absolute banger. And you find a large key shaped like a skeleton. Look! Look what I found. It's shaped like a skeleton. I know. I wonder what that opens. Why is that key so suggestive?

It's shaped like the whole skeleton, but like half of it's, you know. Yeah, whoever made this key, didn't they know there are no bones in the penis? There's actually a full skeleton in the key, is his dick.

Wait, he's got like seven or eight bones there. That's crazy. There's no bones in the penis? No. It depends on who you are. Why is he called a boner? Oh, that's a good question. Actually, yeah, I don't know how to answer that. How would there not be bones there? I should have thought about that when I created the world. No, there's totally bones there, right? No. I mean, he's got them. He's got seven or eight of them. If someone went up to you and just cracked your penis, no bones would break.

No, it's like one of those plastic snakes. They have just a lot of joints. It's like a vertebrae. I think it's more like a slinky. Let's move on. I think Mom's hollow. Oh no. Like a straw. Booker gets suspiciously awkwardly quiet during the penis-bone conversation. And it looks like he doesn't want to engage in conversation. I'm gonna go try that door.

Which one? The iron door, Count Morlock only. Well, I think all of them were iron doors, and several of them said Count Morlock only. The one that we saw first, that one seemed especially interesting. Which one? The one we saw first, that one seemed especially interesting. Yeah, which door did we see first? I don't know if I saw the same door you did first. There were like tons of doors in this hallway. Okay.

Booker, what's wrong? You've been suspiciously quiet during the penis-bone conversation. Listen, Bradley, we talk about a lot of things, but I feel like this is a threshold we shouldn't cross. What is? Entering the Forbidden Zone? Well, in a way, yes. Why are you talking about the penis-bone conversation? The latter. The latter. The penis-bone conversation. Oh, well, I didn't mean to get you down. Well, it's just that I can confirm that

I have bones in my penis. What?

I have bones in my penis. Don't we all, though? Look, I can't speak for you. I can only speak for myself. But there are very clearly bones in my penis. Oh, so you thought it was a raccoon thing when no one else has bones in your penis? I don't know. I don't know if it's just me. I don't know if it's raccoons in general. He's saying that he's not a penis expert. He's simply a penis specialist. Why are you sharing this right now? Why can't you point that thing out? It just seems pertinent, all right? And I...

The thing about breaking the penis, it really, ugh, really visceral reaction. I don't like that. It's just one? One big, long one? This guy's got like seven or eight. You only got one? It's not like the snake thing where it has an interconnected joint. No, no, it's solid. It's a bone. Well, that sounds uncomfortable. How about we go find that door?

Okay. Baby. I mean, it's, you know. It's going to be okay, Booker. I don't know. It's fine. No one's going to break your bone penis, all right? I hope not. Just strike it from your mind, all right? I've made it this far in life. I promise, Booker, I'm never going to snap your penis. Oh, oh.

I'm not making that promise. Let's fucking get out of here. All right, bitchy, let's go. We go try to find Count Morlock's door. There's several doors that are heavily locked. If you want to go to the first one, you absolutely can. The first one that looks like the Count Morlock-only door to me, I will go to. Yeah, you do. And you, as soon as you enter the key and turn it, all of it just completely falls off. And the door...

You see now that there's a faint glow of strange light that goes between red and blue and green and then red and blue and green again. Some strange light in there. I don't know what it could be. It's probably a lamp. It's red and blue and green and then it just sort of cycles through. Could be a party. It could be one of those Wi-Fi activated hue lights. Maybe.

Like you unlock the door and it triggers a scene that turns on the light and runs a spectrum of colors. Yeah, no, exactly right for people who've enjoyed a nice margarita or a mimosa, might want to have their cue lights on for a party. Gets you into the mood as you get into the mood. Well, what are we waiting for? If there's a party, I want to be a part of it. Yeah, come on, follow me. All right. Yeah.

I walk out. And you see this dim room that is lit by the strange glowing hues that are vibrant of red and blue and green, as you see rows and rows of cases, tall glass cases that go from the floor to the ceiling, lining every wall. And you see in these glass cases there are shelves full

and on the shelves are dozens and dozens of strange, dark objects. It's hard to tell. You see that the glow is coming from the edge of the room. You see the edge of the room is what looks like a, almost like a throne, and in front of it is a strange square thing that's glowing

and strange contraptions glowing with this blue and green as they all go back and forth in this strange dancing light that illuminates this dim room. - Wow, I've never seen anything like this. What's going on? - I don't know. - They've been to a party quite like this before. - Is it magic? - No, I'm the only one that has magic. - That's true. - That's what I thought, but I'm not. It looks pretty magical to me. - Yeah, it's probably a wifi enabled hue lamp.

I don't know any of those words. Me neither. What do those words mean? Well, why don't you just go up to it and touch it and see what happens? All right. You look past and as you walk in, you realize now as you look closer that these are figurines. Strange figures that have been carved out of wood and painted.

of a variety of strangely proportioned and extremely voluptuous women of a variety, somehow many bunnies, some cats,

But there's figures and figures and figures of these characters that are all throughout that are very inappropriately dressed. And it's not very tasteful, by any means, as you see that there are thousands of these figures in these glass cases. Mom?

Oh boy. Like, like, like, like, our size figures? Oh no, it's like small figures. It's like figurines. Figurines in these glass cases. This really reminds me of the Fox's Hole. Also, I miss the strip club. These, all these like carved statues, they look tiddly, tiddly in nature. They're like, they're like designed to make you all, all sexy up. It's gratuitous. Certainly doesn't leave anything to the imagination.

Are they magical? Are they real? They just look like figurines. Let me... I'll open one of the caves. You do. It is pristine in here. There's no dust. Are you all right? It's got a weird smell for a second. It is a little weird. It's a bit of a weird smell. Ew. Is there stale air? I mean, what's the problem?

I don't necessarily want to touch that. Do you think it's a key, like another key? No, no. I mean, does it appear to be like, have like craftsmanship? It seems to be very finely crafted. It seems to be probably very expensive. It seems to be collectible. Those look expensive. If I break it, I'm never going to be able to pay back the count. I don't really want to.

I'll look at the bottom. I'll give it a once over just to get a sense of, it doesn't seem to be an art object. You see that on the bottom it says one out of 500.

Wow, this is 1/500th the size of the actual being that this is a statue of. 1/500th? That thing must be huge! It's bigger than the house I'm on! So it's gotta be a statue of a god-like creature. Those things are enormous! They must be the size of houses! Do they all say that? Well, maybe there's different sizes. Man, 1/500th. Is anybody else getting the urge to be sat on? Grab the Levi and the maid costume, see what that means. Just me? Okay, never mind.

One out of 25. Okay, well that one's much smaller than the other one. It's still huge. I mean, but still, imagine that. It's a giant. Wow. Well, maybe 12 feet tall? Well, if you consider surface there, it expands out the other way as well. It's actually probably just not that big. Wow. What's that smell? That's the Funko Pop. What about, why don't you try that one on the Sailor Moon one down there?

Wow, this one's a little bigger than the others. One out of a thousand. Oh my god. She must be the queen. Do you think that this one gets bigger or this is just a model of the one that's actually out there? I don't know. I have no idea. We should put it back and leave right away. Can you imagine if that one, if it got bigger right here in the room, we would die. We'd be smashed up into paste against the walls. Yeah, we should get out of here. That's why this place may have been locked.

We should leave. I agree, we should get out of here. That's all that's in here is just these weird sticky figures of very large women. And Levi in a maid costume. Does that look like that's all in there? There's this strange contraption at the very end of this that's glowing with red and green. Well, there's this strange contraption over here. Well, maybe that's the bigifier. Maybe if you put it on it, they get giganticized. Maybe it'll make me bigger.

I think we should look at it. I'll go check it out. What the hell is that noise? I'm repulsed.

You see that there's just these strange everything. There's this strange set of contraptions and a threaded cable that seems to all connect all of it. You have no idea what it's made out of, but it's glowing. All of it is glowing with this red, blue, and green that seems to basically go from red to blue to green and red to blue to green as it flashes back and forth. It's almost hypnotizing. It is. I don't know why I feel like this. I'm having trouble focusing.

What is it? I don't know. Don't hurt yourself, Bitsy. Make me taller and bigger. I'm going to just push my hands against it. Not gently, but not overly. Like, I'm not hitting it. I'm just trying to firmly press into a panel and see if I can activate whatever witchcraft this may be.

You press it and nothing really happens. It just kind of flashes strangely as you do. And the front of this, it's almost like touching glass. It's almost like it's something made out of glass. It is flickering with this strange light. You see a button on it? I look for a button.

What was that? You hear a horrid sound as the light floods the room. Oh my god! Surprise! We should go! We should go! We should go! Bitsy, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. My dark vision! God, my eyes! I'm blind! 22. Bitsy! As you... I see green robin.

rolling hills, a blue sky! You see as your mind starts to warp, the insanity that you have resists you. You feel like you have a moment to escape. As you look down, you see next to the strange contraption, there's a variety of letters on this wooden board, and beside it seems like it looks like a version of you. It looks like the same species as you. It's looking up and dead.

as there's a shrunkified mouse that's on this strange table, as the utter horror fills you. You feel you just a moment before something awful happens in this room. I'm blind! I'm blind! I lost my vision! I can't see, Grumly! Bitsy, where are you? I had but a moment! Just give me a chance!

I launch the pinball. You do that. As you launch 3D pinball. We're still screaming. I've been blinded by this flashbang that has basically gone off. You do that.

As you experience a fever dream that you can't possibly imagine. What you've experienced is an eldritch nightmare that even in your strange imaginings, you'll never replicate. As suddenly your consciousness leaves you and you're standing outside of the door. As the red, blue and green of all of these strange contraptions fills the room as the door slams behind you. All of us. Yeah.

I'll hit the ground as I get my bearings. Ah! No! No, my margarita! I dropped it! I wasn't done yet! No. Oh, damn it! What was that? I don't know. Bitsy? Yeah? Okay, good. You're here. I still can't see. My vision's coming back slowly. I'm just seeing those weird bright orbs every time I close my eyes. Are you blind? No. Ah.

My eyes just hurt. Oh, yeah, me too. It's wearing off. It's wearing off a little bit, but... I don't think we were supposed to see that. I saw beyond. Beyond? What did you see? I saw paddles. Okay. A number getting bigger, ever growing. A what? I saw a ball, eternal, until it fell into the abyss. Whoa. Sometimes they were...

Multi balls. Multi balls, you say? More than one ball? What does it mean? I think I saw beyond the world. Was it a vision? Prophecy? Did it tell you to do something or not to do something? Did it give you the numbers to the next Powerball? No, I... Do you feel bigger? Do I look or feel bigger? No. It didn't make me bigger.

These mysteries are beyond me. I can't say. I don't know what happened. We should never speak of this again, and I think we should leave the Forbidden Wing immediately. Maybe we don't check any more rooms. No, no, definitely not. Definitely not. I think you're right. I believe our hubris has gotten the best of us this time. We've seen things that no creature should see, and we'll never forget them. I just wanted a feast.

I just wanted a margarita. Well, I wanted a mimosa, but then I found the margaritas and it's a natural progression. Well, you could go make another one before we leave the Forbidden Wing if you wanted. It takes a really long time. You're right. Well, yeah, and then we have to wonder, is being in one of these rooms, are we still technically in the Forbidden Wing, or is the wing only the hallway outside? Because this is a room unto itself.

I think the wing includes the hallway and the attached rooms. So then we can't go back to the mimosa, the Margaritaville machine, because that's in the wing. All I'm saying is nothing bad happened by the Margaritaville machine. So maybe it's just this room that's cursed then and not the forbidden wing itself and we could go into another room.

'Cause so far it's been 50/50 in the rooms. How many rooms are there? Like 100. It's one for one in the locked rooms.

Yeah, so we just don't unlock any other rooms and we just go into unlocked rooms. We'll probably just find more cool stuff. I think I hear Wygor coming. Why don't I just post up and stand guard out front to make sure nobody comes in? I don't hear Wygor. And you guys can keep exploring. I totally do, okay. I'm gonna go stand outside and make sure that demon doesn't have too big of a penis, okay.

All right. And I'm gonna try to awkwardly shuffle out and just try to get out. Out of the Forbidden Wing? Out of the Forbidden Wing. Okay. Do you think he's doing all right? No, I think he's scared. Oh, this is one of his phobias. For sure. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Gromley, how's it going? Are you getting the door open? Do I make it outside of the Forbidden Wing? You...

attempt to get out of the Forbidden Wing. And you realize that it's locked. Please! No, no, let me out! Please!

This place was forbidden. You shouldn't have come in here. Booker, please, pick me up. We were very clear in our instructions. I don't even see locks on this side. It's just the door's shut. We're not supposed to be here. Oh, easy. Hey, go easy on the door. Ow. Oh, he dislodged his shoulder again. Oh, no, it's just a little bruise a little bit, I think. This is a sturdy wood.

looks like a rare rhodesian it's a rare rhodesian well put the margarita up against your shoulder that way oh that feels very nice actually all right um okay well we can't go back uh do we sell the key did you hold on to the key no that's not the key yeah all right well that's a good sign i don't know if the key works on this door but it works on the other doors presumably careful with that that's well think about what you're doing well oh oh yeah well what

The door, the door. I'm saying maybe it'll work on this door. Maybe, is there a keyhole? Do we see a keyhole anywhere on this door? Not on this side, no. Damn it. That's what I was afraid of. I don't think it's gonna work. There's no keyhole. Yeah, well, we gotta go elsewhere. We can't stay here. I mean, we need to find out where they are.

Just keep unlocking doors until we find a way out. Also, I hate to admit it, but we probably gotta find Wygor. He might be the only one who can get us out of here. Oh, God. I don't want to be late for the feast. I hate it as much as you do, but we gotta do what we gotta do here. We could go back and we could just stay by the stew. Isn't that supposed to be the feast? Well, or we could travel further to the even more forbidden wing and find him in the catacombs, the crypts. That's true. He did tell us to go to the more forbidden wing. He's slow, too. We'll catch up to him, no problem.

All right, let's do that. All right, let's figure it out. Which way did it go? That way, somewhere. It's deeper, just deeper down into the wing. I'm sure there will be another sign with more horrific art, and they'll be telling us even more horrific whispers and warnings, and we'll just go forward. Just in case, I'll unlock all the doors along the way. Good night. Okay. I need you to roll a D100. You rolled a D100 for me? Yeah. What, does it lift in my level?

Eight. You open one door and you unlock it as you see a sight that's utterly horrifying. You see a round table with eight seats and behind the door are eight skeletons playing cards. And one turns and says, excuse me, this is locked for a reason.

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you witness as these skeletons are playing cards and say, excuse me, this is a private game. Oh, hey! Hey, it's you! Oh!

Bro, I'm so sorry! No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I thought that was my room. Sorry about that. No, you did it to me last night. Now here we are doing this to you. No, no. You go ahead. My name's Booker. I just wanted to say my name's Booker. Oh, I'm Doug. Doug! Yeah, Doug. It's a pleasure. It's a pleasure to appreciate you. These are my friends.

Hi. This is Doug, he accidentally walked in my room last night. He scared me, but he's a nice guy. What are you guys playing? We're just playing a little poker. Oh, nice. Yeah, not a big deal. Who's winning? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, skeleton never tells. That's the thing about skeletons. If you never tell, you'll never tell me what the fuck this is? I'll hold up the key. We're just trying to play a game here.

We should really just let you off. I think we've overstayed our will. We're just trying to, you know. Doug, we're sorry. We'll lock up on the way out. Count Morlock hosts, you know, the executive game. These guys play a lot to be here. Oh, are you going to be at the wedding later? I'm just trying to, we're just here to play some cards. Okay. Playing some cards. We get the hint. We'll lock up on the way out, Doug. I'm so sorry. I apologize. Yeah, might be seeing you a few weeks later. Okay. All right. Okay.

Okay, bye. Vixen, please lock up. Goodbye! Quick. Thank you, thank you. Oh, that was dumb. He's the guy who walked into my room last night. He was a nice guy, though. I thought you were crazy when you said a skeleton came into my room. Well, I thought I was crazy, too. There were eight skeletons in there. Playing poker! Pretty crazy. Never seen anything like that before. Me neither. We should continue.

Do you think it was Texas Holden or some other variant? Hard to say. With Doug, you never know. He's a wild card. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

- It wasn't that funny. - Are you laughing or crying? - I feel as though something unrepairable happened to you in that other room. It just fundamentally altered at a level we can't fully understand. - And there's no going back. You can't put that back in the box. - You should probably go in another room.

I just wanna find the feast. I wanna find Wygorm. I wanna go to the feast. Yeah. Let's go to the feast. Our best bet is to head directly for the catacombs.

He said he'd be there. Yeah, sure. Well, it said the catacombs are... I swear to God, that is good. Under the cathedral, which is outside the castle. Is it? I figured it'd be connected to some sort of... I thought he said it was outside the castle, but... I mean, we're in some kind of, I don't know, creepy forbidden way. We just gotta find the more forbidden way. Yeah, it might connect. Who knows? Here's hoping.

Just try and unlock all the doors and really quickly check them and see if one says Catacombs. This is the third time I've tried to make this joke, but we should go to the five-bidden wing. Thank you! Fucking thank you!

I heard it every dog bitsy and I laughed every time. I appreciate it. I also heard it every time. And... That's all I have to say. All right, let's go to the dog-a-combs. I like that one. Let's go to the dog-a-combs. Can we go to the dog-a-combs? Yeah, we try to find the even more forbidden wing in the catacombs and all that.

The catacombs are not... are outside of the Forbidden Way. Oh. We just need to find a way out. You made it sound like he was awaying to a connect... I don't believe it. Is it all doors? There's secret passages in this place. Are there windows? No, no windows. It is... it is... there's... there's more doors. Well, we should... Just try every door until we find a way out of here. All right. He had to have left somehow. Yeah, he's a... that guy... he's not telling us everything. I open a random door, whatever we're closest to, after a few minutes of walking and talking. You...

You open another door and you find it is a room that the sight of orange hits you.

and this room is filled, not glass cases, but shelves and shelves, as well as pillows, blankets, figures, things on the walls, paintings of this... Is it a celebrity? It's a strange orange cat who seems to be a little portly, and it's Renfield. And this is a lazy fat cat that

that the Count seems to be collecting all sorts of things about this cat celebrity, Renfield. You actually recognize Renfield. - Oh, is it Renfield? - It's a traveling stage show about an orange cat from-- - Oh, I love you. - That's actually, it's old, from old Felicia. Yes, it's an old-timey, like, traveling play. - What do you mean you know him? - I used to watch his Saturday morning plays.

Who's a chameleon from Orphalicia. Oh my god, how does he know Redfield? Oh, he's a clever character. You see, he hates Mondays. Really? He has an appetite for an Italian dish known as lasagne. Oh.

That's right. That's the whole thing? Yeah, well, he loves lasagna pizza. Oh. And who the fuck eats lasagna pizza? I don't know, it sounds pretty good. I knew a guy once who ordered 400 clams worth of lasagna pizza. Holy crap! That's 20/25.

It's 2025. We're in a different year. We're in a different year. It's going to be on your headstone. It was two years ago, number-wise. It's 2025.

Just in case everyone forgot. Can we let 2023 die? We cannot. Leave it in the past. We cannot. I was just trying to make a Lasagna pizza joke. No, I liked it. I wasn't trying to bring in the 400 clams. I don't think there's a way out through here. Now this just looks like another weird room. There's a beanbag with his face...

I'm not touching that, that's for sure. I didn't think he was that popular. I mean, this is a lot of merchandise for that one guy. I mean, it's everything you could possibly think of. This is a blow-up punching bag. You actually see that there is a strange, uh, uh, uh,

It looks like a strange, it's Renfield laying down, and he's laying in an orange bed, and his tail is connected to a wire or a string that seems to go up into a tiny hole in the wall upwards.

It looks like a phone, a Garfield phone. Thank you. Who's this other character who always wears blue sweaters and glasses and does-- does he understand Renfield or is he just talking? He seems like a lonely, lonely man. What the fuck is that thing? Oh my god! Is that a hairless ape of some kind? It must be, I don't know. Oh, it looks like the Ocelot! But worse. That is one unsettling creature. Oh.

No, they hadn't gotten to the point where he needed to like add a sidekick to try to revitalize his act. They hadn't gotten there yet. I saw him. Oh man. Well, I guess word travels overseas, huh? Hey, do you think we could go up this rope? You could try.

I give it a little tug. It's very thin. It's almost like a can on a string. Almost. And so it's very small. It doesn't feel like... You may be able to hold your weight. It may snap. It seems to be connected to this wooden thing on top of another wooden thing. I will stand onto the wooden thing, holding the thin rope. Yeah. And I will temporarily... I'll just grip it and sort of let my weight hold it and see if it snaps.

You do that. Make a acrobatics check. 20. 20. You hold on to it. It gets taught. It does hold your weight. As the bell tolls. That's ominous. This thing is very small. It's only this big. It's a figure of Renfield. As you pull on it, it doesn't seem to break. I will start to make my way up.

And you realize the hole is like a pinhole. Oh, I can't go up into a hole? I mean, you can look. It's just a tiny, like, crack. It's like a telephone. I may be small, but I can't fit up there. Why don't you talk into it? See if anyone responds. Hello? You sound real sick. Who is this? It is a black omen to invade the Count's man cave. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

What did he say? Is someone talking to you? Yeah, I heard a voice. Did he tell you how to get out of here? They said it was a black open. Ask for directions. How do we get out of this cave of man? Do not touch mine Renfield collection. What are you going to do to stop us? Can you ask him what time dinner is? We're getting hungry. Do you know what time dinner is? We're getting hungry.

You are in the forbidden wing. See, that was unclear. The spooky things made it really unclear. It is very clear. Did you tell him how unclear it was? Yeah, I said it was really unclear. What did he say about that? He's just breathing real heavy. Sounds like he's in that stash of rules. Go into the dungeon before the feast. If we knew how, we might.

Do not go to the door across from the kitchen, which is the dungeon. It is a block only.

Why don't you tell him if he told us where the door is, we could avoid it. Yeah. Yeah, we'll leave if you tell us where the door is. Stop breathing like that. What are you doing? You will feast on the bread and salt of the castle and meet with me. I require a lawyer. The bread and salt of the castle? Huh?

I'll say what's he saying? He's talking about tassels. Yeah. The bread and salt of the tassel. What does that mean? Bread and salt of the tassel? Is that a riddle? Ask him. Does that have anything to do with the room full of like naked women? Do we get any hints? Do we get any hints?

I must tend to the dead. I will see you in the hour. Oh, wait, wait. In the feasting. Ask him how seasons four and five of Redfield were. I didn't see that. He's talking about going to the feast and tending to the dead. What about season... I'll say, I'll say. Did you ever find out who this is? Who is this? You speak to Count Morwalk. Oh, this is Count Morwalk.

Thanks for letting us stay here. He's got a lovely place. The mimosas were nice. We dropped the glass. We're starting. Igor seems on the edge of death. Ask him if he's looking for someone to fill Igor's role. Would you like another Ygor?

- We could make it-- - Seasons four and five were all right. I preferred Renfield babies. - He said something about Renfield babies. - Oh, I never got around to watching that one. - Oh my god, Renfield's the one that's pregnant. - What?

We should leave. All right, where are we going? I've seen those stacks on AO3. Did he tell us where to go? He said something about maybe there's a way to the dungeon and then the stew room where we made the margaritas and the blood orange by the kitchen. By the kitchen? Yeah. Okay, we'll go back to the kitchen. Let's go. So we're supposed to go through the door opposite the kitchen? Yes.

What? Let's go to the dungeon, that's what he said. Yeah. That's what Bitsy said he said. Across from the kitchen, let's go. Okay, great, let's go. Oh, what a friendly guy. We rushed to the dungeon. That's nice for him to tell us where to go. How'd he sound? Did he sound like he was in a good mood? He sounded very sick.

What do you mean? Well, you kept breathing real hard. It was a death rattle. Well, I keep saying there's something about a plague going around. Did he? Michael said that? Well, I mean, he's been, oh, I want to get the plague is kind of what he's been saying. He wants to get the plague?

- He was muttering under his breath something about how everyone he comes in contact with, he gives them the plague. - No, I thought he said he was falling in love with everyone he comes in contact with and that in itself was the plague. - Oh, you know what, maybe you're right. - No, I think he was saying that he falls in love with the plague and he wants to get it.

Well, it really was. Once I tasted that margarita, I just stopped listening to him. And even before that, I was in and out. To be fair, we haven't really put much stock in anything he said. So while we walk, Bitsy, did he say why he invited us here to the feast in the first place? Or what he wants us to do in the catacombs? If he needed anything? No, he just breathed real heavy. Oh, he didn't say he needed anything at all? I don't think. Like not a lawyer, an attorney or anything? No. I bet he does, though. Yeah.

Anyone that close to death needs to talk to an attorney. Yeah, he's got to provide his last will and testament before he goes. I wonder what he's going to do with all this weird shit. I'll say you can't just leave that room and wear dolls to any old person. It's got to go to the right person. Especially if they get that big.

Well, this is something I specialized in, was last will and testament. Before I was disbarred, of course. But you don't have to be disbarred. You don't have to practice in a court of law to help draft a last will and testament. I mean, that was one handsome Renfield there. Goodbye, Renfield. Why didn't you ever have a mouse character?

Seems obvious. Decades! Decades! Decades, though! Get in the comics. Here we are. The kitchen. You see the door across. You see the door across. And it seems to be the oldest door that you've seen. It seems to be almost made of stone.

This looks like the oldest door there is. It seems to be made of stone. Why do you think it says catacombs do not enter or dungeons do not enter? Everything says do not enter here. It's crazy. We've had pretty good luck, though. It's been fine. I'll try. Okay.

Does it look like there's a skeleton penis keyhole? It does. You just put the dick in it. Whoa! The keys never made that noise before. Oh, I had a feeling it was that kind of dungeon. Things are really heating up. I don't think these keys...

It didn't even last a minute. No, just one pump.

- I don't think about how many times we use that key. - That's true. - Just three times. - More than I'm up all evening, you know? - You see-- - Is that why it says Keenest on it? - You hear the skittering of spiders as a spiral staircase down into the castle is before you. Narrow, tight, low ceiling, the dungeon awaits before you. - I think we found the dungeon.

All right, this is going to be totally fine and cool, right? Nothing left to do but head on down. All right, well, Grumly, you first. Oh, no, why me first? Jean-Claude, you should go first. He's probably looking for an attorney or something. I think you should go first. I don't have darkvision. I've been in many a dungeon in my life. I'll go first.

- All right, Peggy, it's for the best. I'm right behind you, defending you from behind, just in case somebody sneaks up behind us. - Perfect. - I'll stay back here. - I open my mouth and my lightning bugs come out and I will lead us down the hallway of the dungeon. - You make your way and you find a horrid dungeon. There are many cells, some with bits of bone.

of variety of different species. And there seems to be, every cell seems to only just have the stench of decay and death. And as it, it's dark, it would be completely pitch black if it was not for Peggy's fireflies. And at the very end of this strange, it's almost maze-like. You make your way down the various, um,

different hallways and you see various rusted cages. You see a single cage in the far back and you hear the rattling of chains as you see the most bars that seem to be heavily reinforced with a heavy padlock and the light from the fireflies glint on gray fur as you see an old cat

that seems to be completely emaciated, covered in torture wounds. As his eyes are closed, he's chained up. He's actually chained, hanging from the ceiling by the chains. He's ragged breathing, but he seems to be alive. - Oh my gosh. - Holy crap. - He must've had a good time. - What's going on? Hey, you. Are you alive?

Oh no. Do any of us have anything for that? Come on, little guy. Just give it the shrimpy. Come on.

It's just like this. Oh no! Come on! There's nothing we can do for you, I'm so sorry! If only he had bones in his penis. His eyes open and there's this milky white as he looks and he says, Living things that aren't that vile rat. Perhaps I'm not in hell after all. Well, I'm Peggy. Okay.

I'm Bitsy. Jean-Claude. Oh, rude to not introduce yourself. I'm Grumly. Thank you. What's your name? I'm Professor Albin Eberhard von Fuzz. Is there something shorter we can-- you got a nickname? You know what? I'm never going to remember that. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm just going to remember Fuzz. Most people call me the Professor. Okay. That's easy enough. That's easy even this stupid-looking mouse could perhaps remember.

How long have you been here for? I've lost count. My time here on this planet is short. Are you okay?

I'm going to be honest with you, your wounds smell pretty bad. It's not looking good. I am the mortal nemesis of Count Orlok, for he is not what he seems. His name's Orlok? Morlok. Oh, shit. I thought that was information. Count Morlok. Is not what he seems. No, he's not what he seems. He is a demon, a creature of the night.

He's vile and evil. First he was all bitsy and now he's over here. Death reigns here. I don't know how far we've got back. We've been done. All right, thank you. He doesn't seem so bad. I mean, he saved us from a deep, dark tunnel and then served us mimosas and margaritas. And his man, Wygore, gave us a whole bunch of piss.

Well, that guy sucks. Let's be real here. That guy sucks! The Wygors guy sucks! Well, no, I mean, no argument, no argument, but by extension, he has offered us quite a bit of items. Wait! What did you say your last name was? Fuzz. I will not make it out, but I have one living relative. My dear grandson.

He doesn't have to happen to be like a police officer. Yes, he is! How did you know? Oh!

Oh, no, he's totally-- I wish to see his face! Oh, I wish to see his unburned face! So, how about your time here in the cells? Please find him. I don't think that's gonna happen. Let's move on. We will find him. Please find him!

He's in Pottsville. He's in Pottsville. Well, he might have been. Yeah, I say, weren't you guys in Pottsville? My dear grandson. That's where Bitchy's from. That's where I'm from. Now, look, uh,

Mr. Professor Fuzz, I need you to focus. He commands the dead. Your grandson? He creates an army of the dead. He wishes to leave these dark caverns. The Count? Yes. Oh. So if you're his mortal... He seeks a bride. I told you there was going to be a wedding. He seeks a bride? To join him, I think he has designs to take on.

over the Timwood and turn it to a land of death. What kind of brides are you looking for? Perhaps clammy. Like a mean, green, naked machine? Yes! That is what the prophecy foretold.

Oh, I wish I had, I wish I could wade through my studies of holistic philosophy, alchemy, the occult. Hold on, wait, wait, I just want to make sure that I'm understanding. If anybody else, it's for me. I'm a little slow sometimes. You're saying that the prophecy literally said, what was it, Mean Green Naked Machine? Naked Machine said that in those words? Wow. In my ancient alchemical text. And how would a Mean Green

mean, green, naked machine know that they had been mocked by the Count as a potential bride? And at what point did you-- The shadow would linger over them and they would awake. Two mocks on the chanced. Like nipples. You saying that them, not me, but that person would just have to have two nipples?

Well, I'm out. The prophecy did not say. Well, it doesn't make any sense. I have two nipples. I believe he seeks to move into a spooky mansion somewhere and begin casting his shadow over the dim wood, making it...

The dimmest wood. Oh! No, not the dimmest wood. I see, I see. He needs a patent lawyer, probably. I mean, that's just good marketing. Oh, he's gonna patent the dimmest wood. I think he's gonna patent the dimmest wood before he takes it over. Well, it's better than the softest wood. It's certainly a better name. I mean, it's not bad. We can have that whipped up for him pretty quick. I know what you mean. Ha ha ha!

He has bound a demon to himself! How did he do that? Foul demon, I dare not speak its name. Are you sure? I get a feeling you want to say its name. I'm getting that vibe. You're gonna die soon, you better say it. His name, the most evil creature I've ever encountered in my studies, Sir Kul.

Whoa. That's the name of a demon. Seercool? Seercool? It sounds like the name of a demon. Damn, that's cool as hell. Yeah, Seercool. Wow, that really is Seercool. It is Seercool. Whoa. Is there going to be a Seercooler later? You must stop Count Morlock. He is a creature of the night, but he has a weakness. What? What is it? He must rest and sleep in the grave dirt he was first buried in before he hears...

"Cockscrow!" The what? The what? "The cockscrow!" No, he's dying! Oh shit! Oh shit! No! He leans forward. Hey, Professor Fuzz! Professor Von Fuzz! Hey, come on. I think he got the prophecy wrong. You okay? What, why? I don't think it's the cockscrow, I think it's the crow's cock.

"Hey, Professor! Are you dead? Are you okay? Wake up!" Oh, that guy just died in front of us! Hey! I look around. Is there a pebble or anything on the ground? Oh yeah, there's bits of it. I pick up some pebbles and I just start trying to hit him with the pebble. "Wake up! Are you all right? Wake up!" I'm just bouncing pebbles on his forehead. He's going to shit himself in a second. Back up! Everybody back up!

Why are you watching this?

You should really think about that. Don't you have anything better to do? Yeah, get out of here. That's like 2,000 bee balls. Oh yeah, he's gone. There it is. I guess that confirms it. He's dead. The possessor is gone. Dead. It's terrible. Now what?

We should probably keep going. Sorry, Betsy, go ahead. Do we still think we need to find his grandson or whatever? Nah. I wouldn't worry about that. Let's not, no, let's pretend he never mentioned it. I mean, what are we going to say? We watched your grandpa die and then shit himself? That's probably not what he wants. There are quite a few other things going on than telling a grandson his grandpa shit himself to death.

And then we threw rocks at him. Well, it was pebbles. It was just to make sure he was okay. It was more than needed. But he wasn't okay. He didn't make sure of anything. I tried. I was trying. You threw rocks so hard he shit himself. No, I lobbed the pebbles. No, not only did we see a guy die in front of us, but I lost the game. What game did you lose? The game. Which one? Well...

Back home, there's a game that we played in New Felicia called "Too Old Cat," and you can't win, but if you ever find a cat that's too old, you lose. And this cat is too old. Now this cat's dead, so does it still count? Yeah. It's still bold, it's kind of bold. And there's no winning? No, there's no winning. Why say a game you can't win?

Well, I play any game. It's just for fun. It's kind of funky, like, none of this seems fine. He's dead and he shit himself. And he's too old. Guys, this is going to sound really weird, but my key's ready again. Oh. We can get you out now.

Should we go inside? No, save it. If we've only got one more use for another 30, 20, 20, 30 minutes, save it. Yeah, and I mean, what are we going to do? Drag his shit-cuffing body out? All right.

So, speaking of his shit-covered body, do you think he was telling the truth? About Sir Kool? Yeah, about the demon and about this guy wanting a bride and all that stuff and needing to patent his idea of the dimmest wood. Who knows? Wait, didn't you mention the shadow is part of your dream? Oh, yeah, that's the thing that our old pal Jean-Claude fucked last night. No, he's got ghosts with chains and stuff. That's totally different than what you said.

No, I said that when the shadow came in and it tried to have sex with me and I told it I had a headache, so it went over to John Claude's room and had sex with him instead. Oh, but it did come to your room. Yeah, it bit me right here on my chest. Oh! Oh!

Oh, that's not good. Yeah, you see that? Is that infected? They say two duds. Most certainly it is. There's one too. Yeah, it almost looks like I got frog nipples. It's oozing a black eye cool. I know, it itches. Stop scratching it, you're making it worse. I can't help it, it's itchy. Oh, God. Isn't that the prophecy? Like an old prophecy thing? No, I don't think so.

Well, hopefully it's just a weird coincidence because-- We got to find Wygor. Didn't he come down here? He'll have some answers. Do we want to just scream his name and see if he comes running? Couldn't hurt. Wygor! Hey, Wygor! Wygor, are you down here? Is there a door on the far side of the dungeon? No, there's just one door. The door he came in. Oh. Well, this was fun. Yeah. There's got to be a secret door somewhere.

All right, well, look for one. Does there? There has to be one. Why would the Count tell us to come down here? He came down here. Where did he fucking go? Go, go, go these stairs. Oh, there he is, right on top of me. Go one at a time. Why are you giving your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your,

Hey, we're on agreement. The master has nourished you. He slits, breaks a hip, we just finish him off. The master has nourished you. I'll stab him to death with this key. Put him out of his misery. Oh, he has nourished you to life. Here he comes. To health once more. Do you have a salve for this bite wound on my chest? Hey, why go on? Why go on? Oh, I need to descale that thing. What?

Mr. Gore. Oh, I'm coming. None shall enter the dungeon. We're in here now. The dungeon is forbidden. I'm coming, I'm coming. Hurry up, hurry up.

I'm coming! We don't have all day! I say we're trying to get out of here! The dungeon is... No visitors in the dungeon. Especially in the premium skeletons poker game. Death reigns here.

I'm coming. He sounds like he's not getting any closer. You hear him coming. We start going to him. We make our way. You meet him halfway up the stairs. Yes. This dungeon's forbidden. The Count told us to come down here.

Yeah, we talked to him on that weird cat phone. In his Renfield room. You went to his Renfield? Collectible room? Yeah, it was a limited edition Renfield phone. Well, stands to reason. It even had like a little sidekick phone, his little grey sidekick named Wormwool. The little little worm guy. Wormwool.

Can you just read the telephone book with this fucking voice? It doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't matter what you say. It's so fucking funny. Wormle. Oh, Wormle. What will she do? Or is it he? I'm not really sure. Well, either way, Wormle, what will they do next? The King, the Master has requested, now that we are done in the catacombs below the cathedral,

administering the necropolis eichel to the dead. The feast upon bread and salt. The time is nigh. It's now. It's finally now. Something about tassels. Wait a minute. You didn't talk to any strange cat down there, did you? No, but there's a dead cat that shit himself. Yeah, he's dead. Oh, he always does.

He always does. Thank you for clarifying. He's always doing that. Okay, hold on. Perfect merch idea, booty shorts with death reins here. Can't you take a hint?

Oh, so he's just sleeping. Oh, if he does it all the time, maybe he falls asleep and hits himself. No, I don't know. He seemed really dead. Oh, he's still alive. I should have used the key. Oh. I will guide you to the feast hall. Okay. The master is eager to meet you. Okay. Time is nigh, as they say. Is the master okay? He was breathing real heavy. Oh, the master is the piece of... Oh!

I have been summoned. Again? You have to away again? I say we're definitely gonna just follow. Yeah, we're coming to you, Star. We're coming to you. We're coming to you. We can't seem to get the heck out of here without following you.

Follow me to the feast hall. Okay. Lead the way, please. Jesus Christ. He just walked so slow. It's probably the gout. Oh!

God, his feet look like they're gonna explode. Yeah, that's bad. How do we have blood oranges but not cherries? One wrong step, it's all over for him. Oh. He should bop like grapes. Oh. Oh. We follow him. He does this for 20 minutes. Here's the door.

"This place was forbidden, we told you!" Thank you! "They specifically did state that this place was forbidden!" I don't know, there was some confusion. It's not clear. "Okay, where's my soul key? Which one? Which one?" He pulls out a ring of keys and one is like a horrific, nightmarish, like, freaking soul key. "I never tell!"

Like way bigger than me. Is it that one? Oh, how did you know? Oh!

You know me! I've always liked that big, titty nun! Hey, me too! I'm right there with you, not really coming in my eye! Good taste, I guess. All right, this way. This way. The catacombs? Oh, call to me. The bells talk for the dead. We had two new guests arrive.

I administered the ichor to them. They will be stirring soon. Oh, that's-- Oh, there they are.

Some info. All right. Lead the way, we're right behind you. Oh, yes. We keep following, slowly. Oh, will you assist? Will you assist me in the catacombs? It is forbidden. Follow me. This guy's losing it. I can't follow anything he's saying.

I thought we were not going to the-- The feast, you said, the feast. Oh, well, it's on the other side. We may as well just make a quick detour. We've been summoned. The bells. The bells toll us. Death rings here. Death rings. And we said we would help, so let's go to the castle. No, we didn't agree to help, brother.

"Come on! They're feeding us dinner! A lovely feast!" He said, "We have to labor! We have to do the labor!" "I like both of those things!" "Well, they're good, but it's hardly what I'd call a feast." "Well, maybe there'd be a lot of it. I mean, I could eat a lot of bread and a lot of salt. I don't know about you." Well, you lead the way. We'll follow, all right? You're in charge here, unfortunately. He leads you outside the castle gates and through the courtyard. There's a very small door.

along the wall, and he opens it, and the breeze hits you as you peer down into a complete pitch black abyss. There's a very small treacherous stone staircase going down along this huge elevation of rock that this castle's built on, and he walks around to the other side of the castle, and you can see this large cathedral-looking structure built into the side of the cliff, and you see the large bell tower,

It is in shades of a strange purple. As... As... Yeah? As... I get it. As he guides you, and it doesn't take you into the main cathedral, but there's a small door on the other side. These are the forbidden catacombs. Do not enter here. Follow me. Just... Could you maybe just wait outside? Wait outside?

Will I do my thing? No, no. We came all this way. We're going with you. I'll be honest. We're not going to do that. We're going to help. Yeah, you want to help or not? I know. Classic. I can never tell you no. Folks, he leads you to...

He leads you down below and you enter this network of catacombs. There's numerous skulls that are lining these walls and eventually you find a row of

of these crypts that are flanking on either side. And the very far end is this incredibly ornate, massive crypt at the very end that's adorned with spears and sigils of greatness. And he guides you with his lantern as he-- Wait, who goes there? Okay, just checking. Really, really? As-- Come, come.

And he guides you to the crypts and you see the two large bowls that he had had that are empty. They still have some of that, uh, that blue green sludge in them, uh, in the ladle inside as you, as he guides you to these two crypts that are open and you see inside, uh,

their lips are stained with this blue-green. You see the small vole and the gray crow, their corpses, as he looks in and says, Oh, they are ready. I see them.

"You have not witnessed this. "You are forbidden to witness this." He grabs his ladle, there's another bowl, he says, "Here's the necropolis, Eichor!" And he pours into the mouth of each one, as the mouth, they just open and they close, and then he raises his hand and goes, " "

Live! Live, moths! And you see both of them open their eyes, and that's all in the session. He's gonna die. I can't wait until he gets ceased and assisted. Thanks for having us on the session, Mikey. Thank you.

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