Uprooted | S2E6 | Analysis Paralysis
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Booker and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time. There's a ritual going on downstairs. It looks real like spooky magic. I think they're trying to sacrifice that poor guy to the night here. I guess we can just play some more ten pin bowling eventually. Oh, I'm being sacrificed to night here now? Let's go behind those pins and see what we can find.

All five of you are together. Oh, no, it's a goddess of time! Please, please. Fine. Have a seat at my table and enjoy of my clams. Thank you. I have youth.

of a bunch of drifter vagabonds that nobody never cared about. Nobody's gonna miss us if we die. I will be happy to forgive your father's immeasurable debt to my family. What you're saying is that if we do a favor for you or some kind of job, we just help you and Booker's dad's gonna be okay?

That's exactly right. What I need is a bunch of disposable grifters to commit a political assassination and pledge their fealty to my family and perhaps an ancient eldritch fish god. Donovan, where can we find this master bead? His name is Judge Hootie Nathaniel the Blowfish.

You all sit at the table after hearing this name, Judge Hooty Nathaniel the Blowfish. As Don Gobblegool continues to root around, he kind of pushes... You watch him eat a little bit, and while he is eating a lot, he spends a lot of time pushing the food around with his fork, weirdly, and his knife.

and he's almost like playing with his food in a weird way as you see this and he calls for more wine and he says I'll give you some time to think about it thank you and by time I mean yet to decide here

Because if not, I'll have to make some extreme measures. That's all I'm going to say. You already disgustingly licked your ring. Oh, you did. You did. That's right. I'm sorry. Too much wine. Yeah, my sons are trying to say they're trying to put me into a home. They're saying my mind is going. And I say, that's crazy. That's crazy. Going where? Anyway, anyways. Oh, it's going... Gosh. Gosh.

Gosh, where was it going? Probably down to the track. Oh, this is just sad. I don't know. I don't know. My doc says that my mind is sharp, although I got to stay away from the orange groves. The what?

The orange groves. We should stay away from them? Yes. Why? I don't know about us, but he said his doctor should warn him about staying away from the hunt. But are they just dangerous like in general? I don't know. Maybe it's got an orange allergy. My doc said I should avoid frolicking with my grandchildren by the oranges. You shouldn't listen to doctors. They don't know

about the part of them. That's what I said. I completely ignored his advice. You should probably go to the Orange Groves with your grandchildren right away. No, but then I spoke with Quasimodo. Oh, yeah? And predicted that my end would come at the hands of the

of the orange growth. - Either way, it's very rude to ask people about their personal hospital problems, okay? - Oh, well-- - Oh, do you wanna, are you curious about when the last time I went, I just had a colonoscopy. Have you ever done one of those? - I swear, I do think it's a little different when they offer some of the information. - All right then. - If you say so. - Oh my gosh, they give you a, they give you a cup of what's it, let me tell ya. And you are on the can for two days.

And you do all day. Do all day. Then you get shit. And you shit. It is unbelievable. Let me tell you that. It is unbelievable. How much you shit. You think, there's no way that I could shit this much. This is where the conversation's going now. Can I have more tiramisu? Oh.

- Oh, me too. - Of course, of course. Come, here we go. - This has been a sobering conversation. - Chumbling, gleaning. - So when are we gonna get this hit, this assassination? When are we gonna pull this off? When's this guy gonna be here? When are we gonna get him alone? I mean, give us some details here. What's he look like? - He is the judge. He's the magistrate of this clearing relatively recently. - All right. - After a re... A hell of it. - Are you all right?

Keep doing that. Salami. This is my kid brother. It sounds like you're going to puke. He was so young. What are you doing? Are you in pain? Are you gagging? Do you need help, sir? Sorry, my therapist says I struggle to express emotion. I'm trying to wistfully mourn the death of my kid brother, Salami. What are you feeling right now? Well, my jaw hurts a little bit. It looks constant. I got a little gas. It looks constant. Is it the left side of your jaw?

Oh my gosh, it is. You shooting panes down your left arm? Yeah. That doesn't sound very good. What do we do, Booker? What do we do? Betsy, fix him! No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Quasimodo didn't predict that I would die amongst Muck and Clans. Yeah, he's gonna die in an orange groove. Uh, huh.

Also, I'm sorry, I'm asking a lot of questions. Who's this Quasimodo guy? Where is he? Can we meet him? He sounds like a cool guy. He does the future. He picks a lot of stuff, right? Quasimodo is my personal deformed soothsayer. Oh, that's right what it says on the tin. All right. Do you not have one? Where is he? Can we meet him? I'd love to just, you know, maybe get to know him a little better. Is there a Mrs. Quasimodo?

No, it's not. According to the ancient text, laying with someone diminishes the prophecy of true sight and forces-- Also, he's fucking deformed. Didn't you hear that? You don't need to lie down. This is a pervert. Holy smokes. Well, I don't think there's any need to get-- Turns out the perverts are the ones who need to lie down.

Wait, do you not have a personal sous-sai? No, we don't. Oh, my goodness. Certainly not one that's deformed. Or one that can see the future. I generally do not dine with the poor, so I do not know what the poor have and what they do not. Bitsy says some really cryptic shit sometimes, but she's also, you know, kind of in one piece. Are you their personal deformed sous-sai? No, I tried to see the future once, but it's just all prison orders.

the time no physical deformities over here well that's what Quasimodo does he will be like I said if you'd like to meet him he will be in my grandson's christening I would like to know my future I mean is that a possibility does he will yes he does know he can see the future what's that process look like that is how you are not high enough as in the

the order of night here to get such information. No, I mean, if he's gonna tell our futures, what's that look like? What's gonna happen? It's a very interesting... It's not gonna lick on my toes or anything, right? That seems...

No, he makes these beautiful works of art. Oh, he paints. Beautiful work. No, no. He does not paint. He's a soothsayer of the whole sort. No, no, no. Ceramics? No, are you kidding me? Macaroni art. How did you know? Just had a feeling. You know, it seems on theme with the Italian restaurant. This is the piece where he predicted my demise. And we had to reinterpret what he does.

It's a bunch of multicolored macaroni. That's wonderful. There's like a bit of orange ones here and there. One of them just falls off. Yeah, one of them falls off. Very talented. And you saw your demise in that photo, in that picture, that macaroni. You sing.

You saying- Is it bad? Yes. Are you saving that for later? This is my- No, we're not cooking it. Oh. This is my doom on the- on the pizza business. Eight half by eleven. Look, I don't- I don't know anything about anything, but I would guess it's probably unlucky to cook the doom pasta, you know? I can't believe your grandchildren are gonna kill you oranges. That's terrible. Man, that made me through. It is my fate all the same. But at least, for now...

We have such a beautiful spread. We have Clams Casino. We have the Galamad. We've got Brasho. We've been eating for two hours. Dang, we only just started. Oh, okay. It's like four in the morning. This is the only chance I get to eat. I'm a busy man. I'll have some Galamad, I suppose. Okay, there we go. You all look so thin, especially. Oh, you all look so skinny. Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. Okay. Manja. Well, it's both the clams. So...

We gotta kill some guy, huh? Oh yeah, that son of a bitch. Does it need to look like an accident? Can we just do it and then you'll make sure that we get off and no problem? Well, if you can make it look like an accident, great. But if you need to murder him in broad daylight, the good news is you're a bunch of drifters what nobody cares about. So if the Eerie takes you and executes you, nobody's gonna care. Well, I...

We would be it's a win-win we would can we get a lot. I don't want to execute it Then you better make you look like an excellent Do you have any like Oh Do you have any of that shake cheese?

Oh, butter noodles? Yeah. Okay, yeah, I got a goon who only eats butter noodles. His name is Sonny. He's a good kid. You have any chicken tendies or something? No offense. Oh, well, no, we don't eat chicken here. We're not barbaric. Oh, well, I'm a frog, so. Yeah, no, we have conch fritters. Is that the same thing?

What fritters? Conch fritters. We got the... They bring the shells from Graves. Do you have any deep fried flies or anything I can have? Oh, yeah. We got the deep... Do you have any ketchup? We got French fries. Yeah, I mean, we got some gravy right here. I don't really like any of the other sauces. Some good enough gravy. You need some ketchup? This is gravy? Yeah. It doesn't look anything like gravy. It's gravy, yeah. Wow. It's my...

It's my grandma's recipe. But don't belabor the point. He's gonna freak out. I just feel it in my bones. It's not really gravy. It's just sauce, but he's gonna lose his goddamn mind if you bring that up. Oh, all right. Okay. Let him have this. Oh, delicious gravy, sir. That's right. Thank you. That's tomato sauce. Uh-oh. Excuse me. It's similar to ketchup, which is what I was asking for, but it's just plain old tomato sauce.

- Does that come out of a can? Is that ragu? - Do you know what my dear grandmama did to develop the perfect gravy? - No. - Can you not taste the beautiful symphony of ingredients in that? - Well, if you put some gravy on the table, I'd be more than happy to try it. - The gravy is fine. It was made on the equivalent of a sundae. I will have no more talk of gravy in this table. - Okay.

Um, well, I suppose you will have to figure out how you will murder the magistrate. What kills him? Well, I heard that he's very weak to having his throat slit. Oh, yeah! Some people have terrible allergies. They die right away. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he's got a weakness to that? I've also heard that he had a weakness from being set on fire, that that usually would do the trick. All right. What about to being stabbed with a sword? Oh, I'll have to consult Quasimodo about this. What about his...

Oh, no, go ahead. Oh, I was just going to say, is he particularly susceptible to poisons? Yeah. Oh, poisonings. Yeah, we could sneak into his room and, like, be all quiet and in the ceiling, and we could lower down a little tiny string, and then a single drop of poison could drop in his ear while he sleeps, and he'd be dead right quick. Well, what about if he just happened to succumb to everybody's hated internal combustion? Oh, that's very interesting.

internal combustion engine. I've not thought of this. It's worth noting, I've done a medical of this. I think that if you can make it painful, and if you say, "Salami, gabagool, senses with gods, from the grave,"

You motherfucker. Oh, should we kill him on the toilet? That'd be kind of cool. Oh, it would be very humiliating. We could set him on fire and slit his throat on the toilet. After we drop poison into his ear. Well, the poison, not the poison thing. I've never met a blowfish in person, but they say that they're poisonous. He might have a resistance. Oh. Oh. Wait, he's a... I thought he was an owl. Is he a blowfish? His name is Hootie.

family name it's a very common owl family wait you're telling me this guy's a bird what kind of a name is the blowfish there aren't fish people in this setting i know you said you did i did i've never seen a fish person

That seems, you know, we don't have to have this conversation right now. In honesty, I think that the ancestors of Mr. the Blowfish, they are former worshippers of Night here and have been banished from the cult. They took on the name of his sacred animal, a fish, and they have not paid their dues to make it to level 27 in the order...

And so they were banished and don't get to go on the cruises no more. Oh, how do you sign up for this order? Is there like a form you fill out and send it to mail? There. You must sacrifice the grain beam. Yeah, like what? How many people? Oh, I meant like it's a $20 fine. Oh, no, that's what I meant too, yeah. And then every month, you know, if you want to basically go up, you have to pay more every month.

And so the more you pay, the more esoteric knowledge you get. And only the elders who you pay the money to really know what an idea is. What's the most esoteric piece of knowledge that you've purchased? Oh, I have purchased quite a bit. You see, I do not, but I do not need to be as high as other members because I have...

a very loyal Quagmoto. Well, and if you told us, it wouldn't be esoteric anymore. I meant just like, you know, the most esoteric he was willing to part with. Like, they teach you to breathe underwater. They teach you, you know, how to draw strokes. What level are you in the order? Yeah, that's a good question. It goes up to level 27. Are you about that range? I'm not sure even 27 is the cap. I'm getting the impression we're going. Oh, 27. If it's like, no, if it's like an

Oh, you want to go to one, not up. Where do you start? Oh, no, you go up. You go up? You go up. But there's no ceiling to up. Exactly right. That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, every year the great elders are saying, oh, there's more if you just keep a Black Friday thing. Oh, no.

You didn't answer our good friend's question here. What level are you currently? Oh, me? Yeah. I'm quite advanced. Okay. What does that mean? I'm a little late.

I said, I said, what did you say? I think he said level eight. What did you say? Level eight? Like, as in less than nine. Less than nine. Not even in the double digits. You might be right. I'm privy, but I do not need it. Like I said, I'm a very powerful and wealthy man. I just need to pay homage to the great deity. I thought you just said that 27 was like peasant to you. Well, I mean, for someone like...

Someone like, you know. Someone who doesn't have a Quasimodo. Who doesn't have a Quasimodo. I see. Did the cult grant you the Quasimodo or is it completely unrelated? Oh, no. Oh, you just found it. Yes, it's the great tradition. Wow. And did Quasimodo predict that you would only need to ascend to level eight? I said the holy number was eight. Oh, something about eight. Yes, he put four noodles together and then made the shape of an eight. I mean, did he? Damn.

You know, weirdly, eight's one of the only numbers you can read with macaroni. I mean, fair. Jokes aside, though. Just a bunch of elbow noodles here. Holy shit, that's funny. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Holy shit. It is the symbol of eternity, so that also would make sense. Well, I think it's probably the macaroni thing. You see the sight that Quasimodo had to bring. But I do, by being level 8 and being a member and all, I do get to eat. I get special access.

very similar to certain exclusive clubs. I get access to exclusive merch and I can book special locations for parties and dinners. Like a timeshare thing. Oh, is that where you're going to have your grandson's prison? That's right. So you better join club night here. laughter

Well, if you get special access to dinner locations, how come you're eating in a riverboat casino at 4 a.m.? Yeah, we're like in the basement here. It's kind of muddy and gross. This is an exclusive dining hall that Louie provides for people of fine standing within the clearing. You're the only one down here.

Oh, because no one else that's fancy enough is up at 4 a.m. wanting a full-on palliative meal. I'll say, little 9 through 27 are asleep. What are the peak hours? Like, what does it look like around, you know, 5 p.m.? Well, you know. Or the equivalent thereof? I mean, dinner rush, I mean, starts a little earlier because a lot of us in the cult are a little older. So, you know, dinner rush starts around 4.

And you know... -Line out the door when we're talking. -Yeah. Maybe not out the door. Maybe like it's 6:30, 6:30 p.m. Are there any sign-up promotions running currently?

Oh, you might need to wait a couple weeks. I think they were doing a bake sale and fundraiser. Oh, for Labor Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. If you sign people up, do you get commissions on the people you sign up and then the commissions on the people that they sign up?

That's right. Are you interested? I am not interested. Well, can we see a pamphlet or a brochure? Well, you get a free box of energy bars. Well, I'll be honest. I'm interested, but I'm only interested if then Sean Plott is interested in signing up for me and using my code. Wait.

Well, what if I sign up first and then I sign you up and then you can use his code? No, it's way too dangerous for you to sign up first, Grumly. I should sign up first. Oh. And then you should use my code to make sure that it's safe. Don't do it. And Jean-Claude should also use my code after I make sure that it's safe. Wait, so you're going to make sure it's safe and then we're going to sign up through you? Yep, that's right. But not through Mr. Gobblegoo? No, no, no, because I'm the next step. I'm the new middleman. What if you sign me up and they all have to sign up with me? I mean, we can talk about the details. Oh, well...

Do you get like less of a cut if I do it? I don't know. I haven't found out yet. I haven't decided if it's safe. I have to make sure it's safe. I imagine there's one more middleman. That might be better. That might be even better. I don't know. Oh, better? Oh, maybe it's better. You're right. It could be better. It could be better because it's like, oh, look at how... I've never really done MLM math before. How many degrees of Kevin Bacon have you calculated? You've got to calculate the pyramid. You've got to see how many bricks you need, you know? Oh, right. Okay. Okay.

let's let's table this well there's an option he said energy balls i mean he did say energy that kind of got me going i mean it's four in the morning i could use it i could use a little pep that's like a sonnet phone i'm sobering up real quick you would like to try this little box here you go try it yourself i love it myself

I didn't make it this far in business not having good pain. I'll take a big bite. What does it look like? It is awful dry and chalky. Does not give you any energy. You think there's sawdust? There's almost certainly sawdust in these. This is...

This is abhorrent. Oh, it really pips you up, huh? No, it's bad. This is not good. Well, if you sign up, you can make so many sales by going to every single person that you went to high school with and haven't spoken to in 20 years. And you say, hey, you're doing well. I want to talk to you about buying some energy bars. Don't eat the bars. They're abysmal. Don't eat them. Uh-huh.

Are you sure? Yes, it's like eating chalk but also somehow mud. I'm pretty hungry though. We're having a Italian spread. This food's actually good. Don't eat the... It's not worth the space. Eat the tiramisu! Alright, I guess... Oh no. See? You're gonna need a big glass of water to wash that down. It's kind of like eating, you know, just like 400 crackers.

If you guys join, I'm gonna be real upset. I start slobbering really badly. You need to join culture when the numbers go up, alright? It's crazy. What? Don't do it. Why? I don't know. It seems like a pretty solid deal to me. Did you just taste that energy bar? Well, to be fair, the bar's pretty bad. But the thing about all the other people, the wealth just flows up. The wealth just flows right up. It's almost like they're carrying it up a ladder.

What? The welt. Oh. To get it to the top, you gotta carry it up the ladder. What? Should we... Should we focus on killing that guy? Hey, you alright? Yeah, well, I'll eat that real fast. Would you like some water? Can I get a cup of water? You want some of this? You can drink this tomato sauce. We need some more ice water.

Oh, no, no, not sparkling. We want still. Do I have to pay extra for the bottles of sparkling? Yeah, no, I want it out of the gun. No, no, bring regular water. Just a pitcher. It's good. I mean, like, anything. Oh, you have the pitchers here.

That's unfortunate. It might just die or what? Bring him a pitcher. Bring him a pitcher. Are we putting you out for asking for a pitcher? Jeez. The waiter comes and brings a pitcher of water. Here, drink up. Come on. I'm worried about you. Come on. You know, the aftertaste is actually quite pleasant. I don't believe in that.

Has anyone not eaten theirs? I didn't finish mine yet. I'm not gonna finish this. Save it for later. Yeah, it's really gross. I twirled all my spaghetti on this fork and now it's too heavy to lift and I can't eat it. What? You see this, like, giant spaghetti ball that I've been slowly twisting over the course of the entire meal and I'm just like... What if you just left it on your plate? No, it's all twisty.

Well, what if you just leaned in and took a big bite out of the salad? Like an apple. That would not be ladylike. Well, that's true. Do you want some? I suppose I could take a little taste. Why is he eating like that? I don't know. It's kind of weird. I'm not even sure he's getting any noodles in his meat. He's just kind of pecking at it. Wow, he's really good at it.

Why are you scratching the carpet with your talons? No, it's a nice carpet. It's like cutting the noodles and it's slowly starting to just unravel like a ball of water. Oh, here, hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That young lady what seduced you and brought you here gave me a little envelope. What? What? Hold on. The cocktail waitress? The fox lady? I didn't catch her name. What was her name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I remember. Janina something. Okay, Janina. I'm going to put that one in the memory bank. Let's see what she's doing later. What the hell? This is horse shit. What?

It says that Booker T. Raccoon, by giving a great sacrifice of a fucking banjo, is already level five. What? This shit is horseshit. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't sign up for any of this stuff. I'm level five? What? It says right here, Booker T. Raccoon has signed in blood. Oh, there's blood on this. Oh, my goodness. I didn't sign in anything. Look right here. Well, now that I think about it, there might have been blood on the banjo. There was certainly blood on the banjo. I was just trying to get rid of it. There was DNA all over that.

thing. It was gross. So I just threw the banjo into the lake. I was frustrated.

I was upset. I was cursing the names of all the people who wronged us. And I told you, and then a fish person came up and claimed the banjo. And you offered your treasure instrument to a... It wasn't treasure. It was ruined. Covered in DNA? Oh, it was definitely covered in DNA. Booker, you made billions of sacrifices to know you. Is that why this... And that only gets you to level five? Damn! Damn!

What have you done? I was hoping I'd be at least 27. I mean, jeez. What kind of DNA? Hard to say. I mean, you know, a lot of perverts. We can't answer that. Because this note ends in a winky face. Are you telling me the fish people are freaks? You take this. I'm a good married man. What does it say? Oh my god, it's sopping wet.

It says something along the lines of Booker T. Raccoon signed in blood, making a great sacrifice of one banjo, is rewarded five ranks, one for each string of the banjo. What do I get for being level five, huh? Blew me in, you're level eight, you should know.

Oh, level five? Yeah. Hold on. Is there any good that's going to come out of this? Level five is a big one. I know you're disappointed in me, but I didn't intend for this to happen. It was just, I was angry. He couldn't have known. And I was trying to get rid of a befouled instrument. And now you're soul is doomed forever. This really does kind of feel unfair. Can you get me out of this? You're an attorney. There's got to be a loophole here somewhere. Level five gets you...

It gets you two points for every gold piece you spend at any cult-affiliated establishment. Oh, that's not bad. Well, I want some money in the casino. Maybe I can move up a level here. It gives you a special concierge at any establishment affiliated with the cult, including the Hungry Cat Finch. Okay, okay. Oh, okay.

Oh, and when you stay at any cult-affiliated establishment, you get a free continental breakfast from 6 to 11. That's not bad. How much is it going to cost me to go up to level 6? How much does it cost me to get to level 9? So I can lord that over you. You'll have to talk to one of the representatives. I just didn't remember. How will I know who the representative looks like? They will find you, probably.

seems like a bum deal breakfast goes till 11. how frequently do breakfast go to 11. that's pretty rare it's a great deal a good deal all right well okay we're gonna it's very generous we're gonna see how this pans out just you know spend a little gold here and there and we get a little influence right well no if you want to rock it to the top we just need to perform a heist of a banjo store oh okay i'm with you we steal all the banjos and then you

We have lots of DNA all over. I mean, you'll be number one. Do you know how long it'll take to befoul all those banjos? Oh, no, we can just take it to the foxhole. How many perverts we need? I don't know if that's going to do it. I mean, those guys are perverts, but nothing like what was on that boat. But...

If Phyllis the feet comes back and we do a banjo performance. Reunion tour. Yeah. And I can play the banjo with my feet. And as one is befouled, we remove it from the stage, replace it with an unbefouled one. And by the end of the night, we've got like 15 befouled banjos. And you're like top of the list. Just think of her little piggies. That was really good.

Wow. What if all those banjos inadvertently end up signing up all the other patrons into this here cult? Okay. Well, then it doesn't help him ascend the ranks. What if it needs to be personalized DNA? Wow, wow. Were you doing weird shit to your banjo? No.

Absolutely not. Yes, you were, you sick fuck. No, absolutely not. I would never. I needed to be able to play it. As soon as it was ruined in the evidence locker, that was it. I couldn't play it anymore. That's why I threw it away. I'll miss your banjo. Me too. I've been waiting to buy a new one. It's crazy how long this day's been. It really has been one hell of a day, hasn't it? Well, you have a room for the evening of So I Am Home. This also says that Louis has...

Louis says pretty pretty mean trick that you played on him. That wasn't very nice The tax man is scary. You shouldn't joke about that But you still have the room because you kissed my ring. Oh, he's a good boy Good kid. He's a good kid. You know, he's a good kid 45 years old. He has so much life left so the whole like

bruise with, you know, the taxes and the accounting. It's all out the window? And we're just, we're moving on from that. Yeah, I feel like that was probably not gonna go anywhere. We are? He saw straight through me, handed me all his books. I just let me walk out the door. I got all his books. I'm taking off this fucking turtleneck.

Maybe we just hand these over to that hair concierge. Kinda like your mind. What's he gonna do? Here's your dad's turtleneck. I don't want it. It smells funny. Yeah, I'm definitely not taking that. It's really gross. Just put it in the corner. Nobody's gonna notice. No, I brought it. It would be rude to get rid of it. Nobody can take it. I'll just throw it in the corner somewhere. I got some tomato salsa. Why is that turtleneck made out of latex?

That's what I'm saying, it's just your feelings. I've been sweating so much. 100%. 100%. You mean this isn't Merino wool? Oh wait, there's been a hood this whole time. No! Why is there a zipper? Oh no! How do I look? Not good. You look like a Trinity Matrix. Oh. Yeah.

I'll take my leave. Well, thank you for the room and making sure we didn't get killed and asking us to kill somebody. Well, you have seen the kind of sacrifices that we do here. You understand after that poor, that poor kid that said the wrong thing, he had to be sacrificed. You understand. You're confirming that.

That the Outland John experience met a terrible end. Oh yeah, from what I heard, it was very, very clear that he was killed. Brutal. That's unfortunate. I kind of like that guy. He had a good voice. Yeah, he wasn't bad. He wasn't bad. What a shame. It's really a tragedy, but he should have thought about it. We needed a sacrifice anyway. Night here devours and consumes...

It's just nasty, nasty business, but business is nasty, you understand? It's gonna be nasty when you're standing over the brutalized corpse of that son of a bitch Magistrate, you understand? If we stand, I mean, if we stay. What?

We don't have to stay there. We just set him on fire, cut his throat, and leave. Preferably on the toilet. On the toilet, yeah. Oh, that'll make it look like an accident. Yeah. People will just assume he had a really bad shit. Oh. I have had some shit that were close to that bad. That's true. Sometimes you have to shit so hard your throat opens up and you burst into flames. What? Is that true?

If it is, generally it'll only happen once. It'll happen more than once, that's for sure. Oh no! How do I prevent that? You can't. You can't. It'll just happen. You won't know. It'll be instant and then it'll all be over. And then it'll be sweet oblivion. Terrible lottery. Oh no. I bet you Quasimodo can tell you about it. He'll let you know if that's in your future. When you meet Quasimodo...

You can ask him such things. Okay, we gotta kill this guy real quick. Where is he? Where does he live? I don't want to kill Quasimodo. No, not Quasimodo. I want to kill the guy so we can get invited to Christmas on the Pupin on Tower today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still can't get over the blowfish thing. That is, like, really just a misnomer. Who is this guy? He's a judge. He's a judge? Apparently.

He's the judge. What is he judge? He was sent from Okak's Hollow. He's some big hot shot magistrate trying to come in and bring true law and order and justice. And then that's why when my poor kid brother got arrested on a couple of counts of murder and they executed him like he was just some animal.

I want to go on record as saying that I'm pretty opposed to murdering this guy, but if we just find out where he's staying, it should be pretty easy to take him out in the middle of the night. And if he bursts into flames while taking a shit, then people will leave us all the credit. Yes. Yes, that's true.

Well, I mean, are we gonna sleep first? Oh, we should. Well, you know, if we're gonna go with the toilet direction, it's a common thing for people to be afraid that a snake is gonna come out of the toilet and latch onto your genitals. So I think if we just put one in his toilet, then no one would be surprised. Do you think you could get your hands on a snake? I've got my hands on many snakes. Those are very dangerous.

That's why people are afraid they're going to come out of the toilet. Yeah, you see in this setting, they are actually monsters and not people in this setting. It's actually apparently. I was going to say, I don't think we're going to be able to fit a whole snake in the toilet. I mean, they are very large. I mean, well, it depends on how big its toilet is, of course.

You might be able to perhaps invite him out on a hunt and have a hunting accident with a snake. That's very elaborate. None of us are really hunters. We can certainly give that a try. Does he hunt? Oh, he loves to hunt, yes. He was taught by his family that they like to hunt for sport and for fun and to show how much superior and filled with justice they are. Can you believe that? He's probably quite a dangerous fellow if he likes to handle weapons and go on hunts.

Well, he likes to think so, but I think he's past his prime. Even though he's an upstart, he achieved success late in life. He ain't a kid like my little brother. I kind of like this snake idea. I mean, it seems like it was... If you want to try to hide it into his toilet...

That is also a possibility. That's a lot of snakes that fit into a toilet. The hunting accident, believe it or not, feels easy to accomplish. There's the toilet spontaneous combustion throat-sleeving plan. Don't know how we're getting a whole snake in the toilet. I think they call it throat-shitting. Oh, throat-shitting. Yeah. No, no, I'm saying forget the toilet. I'm with you. I'm agreeing. Probably we're on the same page. And find a snake and just have the snake kill him and then we'll run away scot-free. I'm with you.

I agree. Well, I'm really fixated on the whole snake thing. This is wild. Wild thought. Snakes, blowfish. I mean, I was never worried about a snake coming out of the toilet until now. Now that's something I'm going to be worried about. Oh. Even though it seems highly impossible. I didn't even think that. Brutal. What a way to go. You know, there's a reason on curling irons. They tell you not to put it into an orifice while turned on because things happen sometimes that are out of your control. You've lost, baby.

You've lost me. It might seem unlikely that anyone would do something like that, but it's on the label. So it had to have happened at least once. And the same thing with snakes. This is also another very likely accident. If you want to use a hot curling iron and an orifice...

That would also be acceptable. That's something he does on a regular basis. I don't think we want to go that route. I'm not sure that's what we're looking for. I'm not saying one way or the other. I'm not saying one way or the other. I'm saying one way, and it's not that way. Booker, Booker, if we could simultaneously ruin his reputation and his fall, I mean, people won't even care he's dead. I think the old curling iron up the wazoo. I don't know about that. I don't know about that one. You guys want to go to bed?

Yeah, I guess we should unless we want to kill the guy in the middle of the night. Well, even if we do, we wait till tomorrow night. I mean, if that's the way we're going, but either way, if we're going hunting, I feel like we got to get some rest first. We got to meet this guy. We got to convince him to go on a hunt with us. We're not going to be like, hey, man,

You wanna go hunting while we all have very dangerous weapons? And he's gonna be like, "Yeah, I've never met any of you before, but that sounds great! I'll just turn my back and accidentally not look at you while you're filming full arrows and bolts!" I mean, we should try it just in case. Or if he wants to. Sure, but we gotta meet him first. Well, yeah. Now that you put it that way, it seems very unlikely he'll agree. That's what I'm saying! Well, especially if he was the one that was going to preside over your trial.

There was, he's a very ruthless judge. One of my other goons, Ned, sent a message to me. He begged me to get him off. Because he said that he wasn't able to get off in jail. And they're going to send him to the clan bucket. And that's a dangerous place. And he's afraid and he's worried that he's going to get executed by this magistrate. And he said, I believe in you, Don. I know you'll save me. And I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

Wait, Ned's involved in this? Oh no, well he said this magistrate will probably be responsible for the execution of Ned and for that terrorist that just came into town. Will the deal be done if we just execute Ned instead?

What? If we just kill Ned. Ned didn't do nothing to my kid brother. But yeah, but you just mentioned him. Yeah, I'm saying... You just mentioned him and you're talking about it. I mentioned him because I'm saying that a lot of heads have rolled because of this magistrate. Your duck friend, the other guy, Ned. Ned. My kid brother's salami. We call him Little Italian Sausage for sure.

I don't think this is the same thing. You know what? Never mind. Look, we're gonna do this thing. We just got, we need a way to interact with this guy. We gotta meet him. We gotta figure out what his patterns look like, what his day looks like, so we can find an opportunity to strike. Do you know where he goes to the bathroom? Well, no I do not. If you must.

Consult Nostradamus. I mean Quasimodo. I mean we've been begging you to. Yeah. I'm just saying he's very busy. Quasi's busy? He's very busy. Doing what? He's being a soothsayer. Fucking around Mac and Ruffin? Exactly right. Very thirsty work being a soothsayer. You're saying sooths? We'll meet him at the christening. It's okay.

Okay. How hard can it be to figure out where this guy shits? Well, I asked where he was staying and we haven't gotten an answer. You know, is he staying here at the catfish? Well, you know, it is kind of important if he is an owl, is he really shitting or is he puking? Oh, he's shitting. Owls do shit, yes. But it's not as often is the thing. Oh. Either way.

You should get some rest. You look terrible. Did you know that the capybara poops in a square? Maybe that was the wombat. What the hell's a capybara? What's a wombat? You know, just one of those furry creatures that lives down the...

But when they poop, it's in a cube instead of a circle. Is that true? Yeah. Wow. Did you not know about wombat cube poops? No, I think I might have to Google this. Yeah. Well, it has been a lovely discussion with you. I must retire back to my lavish mansion that is on the same lane as the magistrate's mansion that the son of a bitch killed my brother. It's been a pleasure.

We'll look for the magistrate wherever he is. Okay. Well... There you go. That's just some wombat cube poops for ya.

It is customary to stand when the dawn stands. Oh. I'd say it's cool. Okay, I guess. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, I mean, just in case you were wondering before you go, the poo cubes are formed in the final section of the wombat intestines. When they're pretty dry and where the intestinal walls have varying degrees of stretchiness, the pressure molds wombats poop into the characteristic cube shape. They don't put that in zoo books.

Well, with that, I must retire. Linguini, I don't got money for a tip. Good night. That's what I've been saying. And he waddles out of the room. Who has any money for a tip these days? Anyway. And the door closes behind him. You see his tail's kind of dragging along the floor as he slowly... It's grunting as he moves and leaves the restaurant. Oh, man.

This has been the longest day of my life. I just want to take a nap. And then I guess we gotta figure out how to kill this guy and make it look like an accident. What have we gotten ourselves into? I say this has escalated rather rapidly.

I was really just hoping to defraud the casino and now here we are, we gotta kill a guy. We could still defraud the casino though. I don't think it's... They'll never see it coming. I think they will. I think they... I think the Don specifically had a note that said they did see it coming. Right, but now that they think we're gonna heist the casino, then we heist it. And then they'll just know we did it. That's the definition of they see it coming. No, no, it's like juking left. Okay. Okay.

We gotta come up with an idea. Well... I'm too tired and drunk for this.

You know, here's the thing, right? The reason we're doing this is to help your dad out, right? Ah, it's just, it's a mess. The whole thing's a mess. We should have gotten ourselves wrapped up in this. We could always just invite everyone we know and love and care about to meet us at the local church. We put a bit of poison in some beverage, we pass it around, and we all just die together, and then we don't have to worry about this anymore. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not very easy. Ah, ha.

Whoa, bitch, what the fuck are you talking about? Devil Dagon, two appears on your shoulder. I've been very clear, I don't intend on just dying yet. It's not my plan. I got things I gotta do. Things I gotta see. Well, ignoring what Piggy just said, what if instead we just...

Leave! What if we just take your dad and we run? But we don't have to kill anybody, we don't have to risk our lives, and we just get out of Dodge! Here's the thing, Grumly. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Almost a full 24 hours. Uh-huh. Let's say we... let's say we succeed. Let's say we pull this off and erase the debt.

What's stopping my dad from just doing it all over again? A large chainsaw would probably do it. That's why I didn't want to wrap you guys into this. All right? It's none of your responsibility. I was going to try. But that's okay, because I've got this one. And see what I could do. And I don't think there's any hope. So, what you're saying... If I could maybe restate it from a different perspective...

is that even if we kill this bird and risk life and limb and potential capture and execution to get your dad off and free from debt that we leave even though we got him off once the second we're gone he's gonna do it all over again it's a possibility and then the others are gonna execute him anyway that's right well what if we just grab him we take him take him to a clearing that the cats rule and then it's an entirely different government

And maybe the Otters won't have, you know, a position of power there and he'll be safe. As much as I wish that were true, you can only help people that want help. I mean, could we just talk to him about it? Maybe he'll finally see the light. Maybe. Maybe he'll come around and for once in his life...

make a decision to be your dad? I mean, at this point, he's, like, already so old. He's really close to death anyway. What's the point of even changing, you know? He's not that old. You might as well... I mean, what? He's gotta be at least, like...

Well, you raccoon, you guys live about seven years. It's going to be like six by now. He's only 42. That's the oldest raccoon I've ever heard about. Yeah, I mean, you can't teach an old raccoon new tricks. It's what they say. Did they say that? I did. Oh, this just sounds very scary. We're in trouble here. We're in real trouble.

I mean, if I'm being honest, I think at the end of the day, I'd rather kill this no-name-Owl-Hoodie thing than I would book his dad. What if we don't have to kill anybody, and we take him to a clearing where there are no orders, and no gambling, and no strip joints, and no booze, uh, no...

men of low moral fiber to corrupt him into his dark ways. I don't think a place like that exists. What if, uh...

What if we could put this magistrate instead of... You got a little... You got that here. You know, your waddle here. Yeah. You got to stop moving it. Oh, I can. What are you doing like that? I'm just... Oh, it's very good. I got it. I got it. You're good. Well, thank you. What were you saying? What if when we encounter this magistrate, we actually just reveal to him that we have been hired to murder him...

Pointing him, this trigger-happy executioner of a magistrate, directly at the Don whom your father owes a great debt to. You want to double-cross the artist? If this magistrate is cleaning up these here woods, maybe he just does the executing and we don't have to. Wow. I wouldn't trust Erie. Certainly not a fucking magistrate of the Erie. As far as I could throw him.

He would double-double-cross us! So we're back to murdering. No! No, I'm saying can we avoid the murder entirely? What if... What if... I think that. What if we take him back to Pottsville?

Remember corn and corn alone day? Do I ever? Those were simpler times. Those folks seemed very pious and, you know, kind of weirdly religious. And I don't think they would like gambling terribly much. Maybe he can turn over a new leaf. Oh, yeah. You know what would be great? Because he's a single man, that's the kind of place where he could have a bunch of wives.

Bitsy, maybe, I don't know, do you have any family there that maybe could take him in? Mm-hmm, I got lots of family. This is such a good idea! Wow! What do you guys think?

Well, I think I don't want to live the rest of my life constantly looking over my shoulders to see if we're being followed by the odders that we double-crossed and constantly waking up in the middle of the night to check on Daddy Booker to make sure that he hasn't snuck out to go do nefarious things and gamble all the money away. At that point, you know, it's up to him. Mm-hmm.

You know, at a certain point we have to just let him do his own device. But then why wouldn't we just do that now and say, actually, you know, you got yourself into this mess, see you later, we're going to go to Potsville. Well, then he'd be killed for sure. Tough situation. We'd be signing his death warrant. I think he would have been the one signing it, but yeah. Oh, no, it'd be us. Well, we'd be no-right. That's probably a pretty good way to put it. Of sorts, of sorts.

And if we do that, we're double-crossing the Ottos all the same. I really wanted to talk to Quasimodo. We still can.

Yeah, but we gotta kill a guy to do it. That's crazy. Usually they charge like 20 bucks for cover. We gotta kill a guy to talk to a deformed soothsayer? Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll burst into flames and his throne will explode when he's on the shitter and then we can just get it for free. Do you hear what any of us are saying? This shit is nuts!

I don't know, I've got a good feeling about it. I think he's just gonna do it. Oh, Bitsy. He's just never the optimist. Hey, how old is this guy? The Magistry? I don't know. Do we have any idea?

I think you made mention of 42 quite a bit. It got all mixed up in the conversation. Too many people around here at 42. That's a weird thing. Well, it seems like the age that they get to before things start going awry. I think Peggy just got bored when she was making the universe. Yeah, I can only count to 42, so... That must be the top number. Oh!

That's the highest number of the cult. It's gotta be it, right? Because there were only 42 numbers in the entire universe and then they just start back over at one. That's true. I mean, at the end of the day, like, as high as even he is or even Booker for making terrible sacrifices. Yeah, how about that? Breakfast is nice, but like, only two points per gold?

For how many sacrifices? I would figure you get at least, I don't know, three or four points per goal piece. Oh, maybe that's higher levels. Maybe when you get to like tens and double digits, you start to get extra points per goal piece. Maybe. Oh, like a higher multiplier. Yeah. What if we sacrifice the blowfish tonight here?

Then we're killing two birds, technically, with one stone, right? Oh, I don't like this. We're killing him for the orders, but then we're also getting some points with our cult. Look, that was kind of a fluke. I don't even know if I could do it again. We'd have to kill him and then throw his body in the river. We should ask for a sacrificial dagger.

I didn't have one of those, and it just worked. Well, yeah, but that's because you probably did some kind of ritual, spooky, creepy thing out by the water. We're not going to have that ability. I mean, I guess unless we want to sacrifice him into the toilet bowl, but that gets a little... I was just going to throw him in the river like last time. That's what worked. It worked again. We can't do that. People find him on the toilet on fire. Oh, that's right. We need the humiliation factor. They'll believe that he died on his own. Yeah, you're right. You're right. That's fair. That's fair. Okay. I'm not endorsing this plan.

But instead of a sacrificial dagger, what if we go to the banjo store and buy a sacrificial banjo? And we kill him with the banjo and then sacrifice the banjo and his body and the blood. That's perfect because we can slit his throat with one of the banjo strings. Those things are incredibly dangerous. We can make it look like he was trying to play the banjo on the shitter and he was like tightening it too tight and then it just... Done.

I don't think we have the money to buy a new banjo. I've got a little bit of money. I made 42 gold from showing off my photorealistic feet. Is that enough for a banjo? Should be plenty. They're not very expensive, surprisingly enough. What do they cost? Like two gold? Fifty gold? Way less than fifty. Much closer to single digits if we're making the absolutely single digit gold pieces here. They're not that expensive.

There's all sorts of different qualities to a sacrificial banter. That might run you a little bit more. Oh, should we carve our perfect, like, cult symbols into it? We could. I don't really know what the symbols of night here look like. We should all slice our palms open and infuse it with our own blood. That never works. Well. I mean, people always just make up the runes and shit anyway. It never works.

I mean, it worked for Booker when he got five points. I didn't do any of that. I just threw a disgusting, messed up banjo into the river and I said I hope that Nestor, Jean-Luc, and the perverts and Toadie were all dead. Okay, well, so maybe it wasn't blood then because he did say that there was some kind of infusion on it and so maybe it was just, you know, so we could just play limp banjo and then we could sacrifice that one. Your guess is as good as mine.

You wish Jean-Claude, I mean Jean-Luc was dead? Oh, absolutely. Fucker! Why? Why?

I knew I liked you from the start. I was going to say, you said it first. I was just following your footsteps. All right. You had me worried there for a minute, Jean-Claude. I didn't know I liked the cut of your jib so much. Yeah, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. I figured I'd be helping you out. Listen, family comes first, and that's why I'm in favor of helping your dad. Unless it's a brother, then string them

Especially a twin brother. A twin brother! If there's any justice in this world, Night Ear will rise from the deep and eat Toadie, Jean-Luc, and Nesta.

And hopefully just Jean-Luc in pieces so he can see all the others eating first. He can go last. He can go last, but I want him to nibble on them first. Fair enough. You guys want to go and get some rest? Yeah, we should probably leave this table. It was really nice having dinner with you. Let's go. I'm just kidding.

Did we ever say we actually left the table? He's wrong. No, he left. He left, okay. I was imagining this entire time he's sitting there. Oh, thank you, Nangweenie. I don't have any money for a tip, but it was very delicious. And I stand up. Come on, it's through the front door here, through the bowling alley, through the labyrinth maze, back of the hall with the ruben.

Wait.

If we go through that door, are we gonna be in a horrible nightmare fluorescent light office building? I'll just say, it was weird, but I was very drunk. I mean, I still am. Oh! But I also was then, too.

The odds of that seem very low. Yeah. Let's go through that door. Yeah, I'll be fine. Okay. I'd like to try to lead us back through the door that I thought was the fox's hotel room with the key that she gave me back to the rows of hotel room doors to try to find the room that we were gifted to stay in. Yes. Let's hear the music. Yeah, take it down. You open the door and you find that it's a dark and damp mildewy hallway.

But you keep following the hallway and eventually it gets brighter again. And as you make some certain turns, you find yourself back amongst the normal rooms of this place. And you look back and you feel like...

Even if you tried to find this strange room again, you wouldn't be able to. The turn, the labyrinthian construction of this place is very unsettling and disorienting. It's like you're at the Grand Geneva in Wisconsin. That's very funny. That is very funny, holy shit. And you finally find the room on the top floor.

the top level of the riverboat amongst the luxury suites that Mr. Ledoux had put you up in. And you open it and the key that you have works and you find a beautiful two-room hotel suite. You find that there is a gift basket for you. There is a chocolate mint on every pillow.

and a little note from Mr. Ledoux himself, signed to you. - I call bottom bunk. - Nice scurry underneath the bed. - Well, I say, I say the lap of luxury at last. - I'm going to bed, I gotta sleep this off. - Is there a bathtub? - Yes. - Yeah, I'll just fill it up with water and climb in. You'll see my two little eyes poking out to the top. - There's a full claw footed bathtub.

How many beds are there? There's four beds. I'd like to read the letter from this little note. Oh, of course. You open it, and you find it's a little hefty. And it's addressed to Jean-Luc Chanticleer. And it is filled with flowery, aggrandizing...

almost like sniveling compliments about... And you see that also it says that he'd love to discuss future employment opportunities. And you find that there are...

Ten more gold pieces stuffed into this envelope. I'm just taking that aside. It seems the Don did not have his roosters in order. That's a good one. So what does that mean?

Well, see, by the state of this letter, I say, I say, I think that I did, in fact, deceive Mr. Ledoux. He seems to address me as Jean-Luc and is stating that he'd like to explore further employment opportunities. Now, you know what you should do? Next time you get the opportunity, if he's interviewing you, you should take a dump right in his desk. That'll show your old stupid brother.

Be careful, though. Well, the problem is, anyone who slots him in the immediate moment is all rapidly offstage and sacrificed to a night guard. Oh, but you'd have to sneak in. You'd have to sneak into his office, take a dump in one of the drawers, and say, from Jean-Luc. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Your brother will never work again. What I wouldn't give to see Jean-Luc thrown into the river and consumed by a demon monster. Oh, yeah.

Oh, good times. One can dream. I'm going to bed. Oh, yes. The hour is late. Good night, Peggy. It's been quite the day, folks. Good night, Bitsy. Good night, Crumbly. Good night, Bitsy. Good night, Booker. Good night, Bitsy. Good night, John. Good night, Bitsy. And good to meet you.

Oh, you guys met like today. I only just met you today. And now, and after this, this guy's... Because we all met today. I only just met all of you today. We only just met today? Ow! And tomorrow, a murder. Good night, Brumley. Good night, Booker. Good night, Peggy. Good night, Booker. Good night, Sean. And I'm sorry we basically ruined your life. LAUGHTER

Seemed as though it was going that way with After Hell, so it's nice to have the company. At least you're not lonely. Exactly right. Good night, Betsy. Good night, Grumly. Good night, Mr. Chanticlef. Good night, Grumly. Good night, Peggy. Good night, Grumly.

Good night, Booker. Good night, Crumbly. I'm sorry to pervert through your banjo. You know, it was kind of heading that way anyway. So it's just nice to have people around you even when you don't have your banjo no more. Yeah, I didn't know they were so cheap, though.

Well, again, quality, all that good stuff. A couple gold pieces? I thought about buying the materials, make them my own. You know what? We can talk about this in the morning. The banjo market's really in shambles after Banjo Hero Freebombed, I guess. Yeah, I mean, things really started going...

going down after the dissolution of the middle class. That game came out and I was like, why isn't anyone just learning to play a real banjo? And it's like, pfft, overnight. Anyway, don't get me started. They really oversaturated the market. Booker. Yes, Gronly?

I missed the middle class, Booker. Me too, Brumley. Me too. We didn't know how good we had it. No, we didn't. And break. Oh, man. This is fun.

Bye.

You fall asleep.

bemoaning the loss of the middle class in the Dimwood. And you awaken after a full eight hours, you enjoy a long rest. You awaken and the windows of the swampy vibes or the swampy atmosphere and environment of Muckbed Creek is right out your window as this riverboat is right on the edge of the clearing.

And so the light of morning, the sun is actually pretty high in the sky. I mean, you went to bed and basically a sun was coming up.

And what I'll say, it's so nice to be able to have a normal day-night cycle in this setting that I don't have to think about as I'm writing. It's extremely convenient. And so I'm not going to scream about it. It's so nice to be able to use words like dawn. Yeah, dawn. Oh, you wake at dawn and you see daylight. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. They're okay, guys. It's bleeding through. It's Bill Buechner. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

You wake up and there's a little common room and you realize that sometime in the middle of the night, some housekeeping or someone come in and there's a table, a basket of fruit, including an orange. Booker doesn't find that weird at all. Is it dawn yet? It's way past dawn. I'm pretty sure we went to bed at dawn. Oh, man.

Shouldn't Mr. Chanticleer have, like, notified us of this? Who? Well, I don't do that kind of thing. Oh. Oh, is that... Especially when I'm asleep. Oh, is that a myth?

Well, no, we'd be there. I was very tired. Oh, and we got to bed pretty late. So naturally, you would sleep through your own alarms. Exactly right, exactly right. Man, I got a hangover the size of a barbarian. You don't think those are real, do you? What do you mean? We met a bear. He was a wonderful person. He liked vegetables, remember? Oh, was he a barbarian? I don't know, I kind of got that vibe, you know.

Oh, I always assumed barbarians lived on remote islands and like ate people. Well, I think he was going to eat us if he didn't eat vegetables or I didn't play my instrument. That was in this timeline, I guess. It was. Oh, I think I'm mixing up my timelines. I think you might be. I always seem to be doing that. I'm the old Mancala effect, you know? Have a banana. I didn't know they have bananas here.

Oh, it was kind of them to come through and bring this here fruit basket and change me into this fancy nightclothes in my sleep. What the heck? I don't know. You didn't go to bed wearing that? I didn't go to bed wearing this silk two-piece top and bottom. That means... I don't know. This place is the most luxurious establishment I've ever spent the night. No, no, no, Jean-Claude. You misunderstand. You didn't experience this before.

This means there might be perverts about. Well... Check under the bed. Yeah. Make sure none of the floorboards are loose. No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. You weren't there. Houses full of them. We couldn't go anywhere. They were coming out of the walls. Perverts in the walls? Everywhere. There were more perverts than you could shake a stick at. That's a lot of perverts. And them changing your clothes in the middle of the night? They might have done that, but there was definitely a period where they paused and they waited and they watched.

No one is safe.

I mean, surely, I thought they were all terribly executed. I thought we escaped. I thought they all died in a house fire. Oh, well, surely here, they're professionals, not perverts. I mean, look, I think you're overreacting. I'm sure it's totally normal to change a bird's couture ball in the evening as he sleeps. Wishful thinking, my friend, wishful thinking. Amongst all five of us, without waking any of us. Oh, no, I was awake the whole time. What?

Who was it? I don't know their names. I've never seen them before. Don't let your guard down. Not even for an instant. It might have been the perverts that came in on that boat. Well, I thought that was you guys. That's very funny. Well, I guess we have to figure out what to do next. Mr. Ledoux still thinks that Jean-Claude is Jean-Luc.

But I'm inclined to drop that storyline and move on. I think I'll probably just tell them the books are all right. You think about it and you get the sense that you wonder, would a crime boss really do that? Go into an Italian restaurant and tell lies? Would he really do that?

I think if we follow that storyline at all, it's just for Jean-Claude to take a dump in his desk. That's all I'm saying. That'll take five, ten minutes of stream time tops. Okay, you're convincing me. It'll be the last thing we do in the clearing before we head off into the sunset. I think there's got to be an F when we deal with the magistrate. We're on the same page. So are we going to deal with the magistrate?

Oh, well, I... We don't have a lot of options. It's either let Beauregard T. Raccoon get tossed into the old drink, or we deal with the magistrate. Or we could just run. That's all I'm saying. You know, just grab your dad and run all the way to wherever Bitsy's from. Look, I'm not opposed to running. We do that well. But, you know...

I want to bring my dad. I spent enough time with the guy. Look, it's all well and good. It's been great. I don't necessarily need him joining us as part of our adventures. He's gonna think he's one of the gang. It's gonna get weird real quick, you know?

What if we just drop him off with the rebels in Sticker Brush? I mean, that could be fine. I'm not opposed to that. It's one clearing over, and, you know, they really hate the E-Rate, so it's not like they're gonna uphold their laws or debts. That's true. That's a good plan. I like that plan, too.

But if you want to kill this guy and potentially like risk, you know, being caught and executed permanently. You think, and you get the sense that it really is true that whatever you want to do, it's a possible option. You know, if you make it back to Pottsville, that's controlled by the Marquis up and the Eerie would not have

the authority there. You know that Stickerbush is entirely taken over by rebels. You've seen what they're capable of. It's definitely more chaotic, but they also, the Eyrie is not able to get there. You also feel like there's perhaps opportunities to kill the Magistrate and utilize the power of the Riverfolk Company.

or perhaps betray the river foe company in the mob and Throw your lot in with the Erie There are snakes in the woods spoiled for joy there's are There are shooters that might cause them can combust the world is your oyster Let's vote how keen on how keen is bitsy on murder? You seemed like you kind of kind of excited you a little bit you

Yeah? Yeah, once we get a reputation, people will ask us to do more murder. Is that a good thing or a bad thing in your eyes? No, we can't let anybody know that we did the murder. We don't want a reputation about that. Well, you get a reputation in the underground, just not in the overground. It won't be public knowledge, but it would be criminal knowledge. The overground. If it were up to me, we'd grab my dad and get out of here.

But then, like Peggy said, we'd be looking over our shoulder with the odd as well for the rest of our lives, and that might not end well. Killing your dad's off the table, right? I mean... That solves a lot of problems. I feel like I'm obligated because of my character, the way that I wrote them, to have to say, yes, that's off the table. Bye.

It's off the table. Oh, okay. That would be a character assassination if I were to say that I would agree with that plan and we could just move on with our lives. He seems like a cool guy. He's all right. He's not as cool as I remember. He's kind of a bum. Yeah, he has a lava lamp.

Yeah, it didn't really seem like it even worked though. It just kind of sits there. The beaded arch to his kitchen seemed real cool. It was alright, you know. Really impractical though when you think about it. The carpet was sort of like a dark orange. Yeah, it's really old. You know, I'll never understand why he had that furry toilet seat cover though. Really unhygienic, you know. And carpet in the bathroom? Who does that?

The relic, relic of the past. Maybe so he doesn't slip and hit his head on the tile. Or if your feet get cold when you're getting out of the shower. But he didn't even have a splash on. Well, he didn't smell like he did. I mean, he'll get a Ford one of those. They're crazy expensive. They're like 75 clams a pot. That's insane. Who has that kind of money for a splash hug? Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. How do these convention centers in New Felicia have splash logs in every urinal? Well, the ticket prices go up every year. Tax dollars, I'm telling you. No wonder the middle class is gone. That's right. That's right.

I don't know, guys. I feel like I'm too emotionally invested in this to make the decision. Well, maybe what we can do... I'm compromised! Maybe we can talk to your dad. Maybe we can go to him and tell him the deal and say, listen, Beauregard... Ask him to kill himself? Well, no. Maybe encourage him to run. Maybe encourage him to run and move on to another clearing and then we don't have to do anything.

He's off the hook, or maybe they're chasing him, but we can maybe direct them in some other way. We have no compelling reason to do anything at all. At this point I feel like we're obligated to kill this Judge guy, because we kissed that guy's rings. We pretty much already said yeah. That's true. But if we were going there on any orders, then why does it matter?

We're getting out of Dodge, and you know, we might be in a little trouble too, but Booker's dad's in a lot more trouble. You see me like, scribbling down on some, like, parchment. Certainly. So, based on the colorful discussion we've had over the last evening and this morning, I think really we have two broad options. Okay, all right. On which to decide. One is run. Two is kill the magistrate.

And then depending, I think we should vote and decide which one of those we want to do first. And then depending on which wins, which wins, I think each of those options has two further options that we can then also vote on. Wow, you're speaking with a lot of clarity here. If we decide to run, we could take... Why don't you tell us about it after we vote?

I just want to frame it up. You don't want to color people's original opinion, right? I want to let people know what they're getting into if they vote for one or two. We should have all the information when we make the decision. So we could run to Potsville. We have been there. We know it's controlled by the cats, which I'm a big, you know, not necessarily a fan. You know, they might not like me terribly much, but I think that they're much more just and kind and eerie.

bitsies from there and has lots of family. A con is that Peggy did explode and set on fire and burn alive two deaf, several soldiers from there, but hopefully they forgot about us. The officer fuzz, the beloved officer fuzz. Oh, that's right, I forgot about that. Oh boy. But they have a lot of corn there and other food. He probably doesn't even have any family.

And then the second option is we take him as Sticker Brush, which we know is controlled by the Woodland Alliance, and we have friends in the Alliance, and I don't think that they would, you know, carry over any debt or, you know, verdicts from the Eyrie or the Otters, so I think that would be pretty safe too. So that's option one if we run. Option two, kill Magistrate. Then we have two sub-options here. One is the Shit Throat Gambit,

And then the two would be hunting accident, but I put quotations around the word accident. Oh, yeah. I like the word gambit there. That was well done, well used. Very Paul Atreides. Yeah, I don't know what it means, but it sounded nice. All right, should we blind vote? Wasn't gambit one of the X-Mice? I think it is time to vote. LAUGHTER

We're voting. I'm going to write mine on this piece of paper. Oh, that's right. Officer Fuzz did survive. Is it a silent vote? Just so that we're not swaying each other. I don't want any peer pressure to factor into this very important decision. Thank you.

Just pull some paper out of this book I found in the drawer over here. By some guy named Gideon. That's very funny. So if you want to run, write one or A. All right, well, what if you want to kill the guy? And if you want to kill the guy, write two or B. Okay. Oh, I'm very torn. I know what I want to do. I don't think it's the right decision. I have voted. Let it be known. I'll collect the votes.

i love this you should be anonymous no no i'm gonna i'm gonna shuffle them up nobody's ever gonna know don't write your name i don't want anyone to know what i'm doing don't write your name okay oh wait don't write your name don't write your name okay hold on yeah redo it i tear another page out redo it redo it um i guess mr charlton clay i should

Shouldn't presume that you're coming with us, but given that your life is ruined and you have nothing left to live for, I kind of assume that you might be tagging along, you know. Well, I do have my fancy pad to get back to from here, but it wasn't. That waterlogged shithole? Whoa, hey, hey.

It was in a modest state of disrepair. I think that thing got repoed. Oh, that's right! It did get entirely repoed, you're right. I have absolutely nothing to live for. Except the destruction of my brother's reputation and his physical well-being. All right, I think everybody voted. This is exciting. Are we ready? Okay, somebody's gotta keep tallying. Grumly, will you keep tallying? Oh, yes, I would love to. Hold on, I'm making a screwdriver out of this orange. Okay.

All right, here we go. Vote number one. We have run 1A. Oh, that's all of them. Which I believe is subplot 1A of going, maybe perhaps going to the, not Sticker Brush, the other place. Whoever, oh no, it needs to be anonymous. No, no, no, yep, we're gonna make some assumptions. Okay. It's one vote for run. You might have to re-vote on that. That's fine, we'll figure it out. One vote for run. What is this? Which,

Which one of you mongrels has the worst handwriting I've ever seen in my entire life? Don't look at me. What? I don't know what you mean. This looks like a four or an A. Those aren't even options. No, it's like a one. See, there's the line, and then there's the... You know what? We're going to say it's a one. We're going to say it's a one. I don't know how I know that. This is a lesson in not writing an eligibility. Your vote gets cast for you. What do you mean? Unbelievable. Okay, all right, here we go. This one's...

Oh, wow. This one used the technical term. The shit frog gambit. Two or B. Oh, this one's got some graffiti on it. Beautiful. I'm not going to read the graffiti, though, because it might give away who it was. That was mine I voted on.

Oh, Peggy is supposed to remain anonymous. Oh, now we know. I wrote my name on the bottom. I even drew one of those really cool S's. I learned how to do a middle spell. I know. It was really cool. I felt bad. I wanted to give you credit, but I didn't want to out you. It said Peggy was here, and I spelled was wrong. It was pretty cool. It was very cool. This one says run, but then in parentheses, but murder is probably the right option.

Okay. That still counts for run. Yeah, I think so. That counts for two. I think that counts for both. I think so. All right. And finally, we have two or B spelled B-E-E like Bumble. I don't know what I'm going to do with you people. What's the vote? What's the vote, Bromley? What do we got? Well...

If Bitsy is right and that one vote counted for two, we have a tie. No, it's not possible. No, it's not possible. It's a run. It's probably the right answer. What are we doing in time? It's five o'clock. It's not possible. I know, I didn't expect this. Let's vote again. All right, all right. I'm sorry, Kitty.

Rip up more paper. Jesus. Okay, forget one and A. Just write one or two. Don't write anything other than one or two. Can we just write kill or run? Yes, or write kill or run. I was trying to reference my notes. Just kill or run. And write legibly. You buffoons. All right, if you insist. No, no, this handwriting's not very good. Hold on, I can do better.

I got it. All right, I'm collecting the votes. Here we go. One, two, three. All right, three votes. I'm still making my mark. Me too. Hold on. There we go. It's within the lines. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for collecting these votes. Thank you for coming up with the plans and helping me tally them.

I was just summarizing. See, we're an effective government because we're small. Do you want a screwdriver? Are you offering? I'll take one. I got a nasty hangover. A little hair of the dog, if you know what I'm saying. I found all these little bottles and found this little cabinet right here. Perfect. That hit me. Is that a fresh squeeze? Nothing like a fresh burgeoning alcoholism in the day, right? Oh, that's delightful. Thank you. I'm still waiting on one more vote. What? We're waiting on one more vote. Who?

If I say, that'll ruin it. We're in a small room, there's only five of us, Ben's still riding. There's only one person still riding at the table. I hope she did the S thing. Okay, all right, here we go. I love the S thing. Here we go, here we go, here we go. Okay, okay. I'll tally again. This one says the first vote we have is one or two. That's two votes. What are you guys doing here? What are you doing? He said, right, one or two.

This one says run. This one says run. Okay. Is it a nice handwriting? It's fine. Oh.

Two booker from Peggy, anonymous vote. Kill, legibly. Peggy was here, and the S is bigger this time. This is badass. Oh, yeah. I don't know if there's some sort of magical lift, but I like this. Oh, yeah, it's a runic symbol for power. I'm a big fan of that. I'm a big fan of that. I wrote legibly, just like you requested.

This one says run in giant nice letters. I can read this. Thank you. That's kind of obvious when you see it like that. It is. It fills me with dread. That looks like a killer. It looks a bit like a warning. No. If you look at it and it scares you a little, you're doing something right. It's pleasant handwriting. I think that's more of a threat than anything else. Yeah, that's scary. I don't like that. Look at how correct those letters are.

This one says milk, eggs, bananas. What the fuck? No, it's on the other side. Run, it says run, but then in the bottom, really little, it says or murder. That's two again. Two again. It's four for run. Yes. I'm so relieved. I thought we would have to kill that guy. So all we have to do is kill that guy and then we can run. LAUGHTER

No! No, we're going to leave. We're going to take Mr. Raccoon, T-Raccoon, and take him away. Didn't you kiss that guy's ring? I don't care. I already have an oath. It was a fake oath. You made a

Oh, you mean a kiss pact. I don't think the kissing was a bond in contract. I think he just had a weird fetish. You are the lawyer. Exactly right. We didn't have to sign a dang thing. We just had to slobber all over his hand. That means we need to vote on the nature of our running. Oh, no, not vote for me. We have voted. It was stated. It was written. Okay, all right, all right. What are our options for where we're running to? So, wow, this kid is...

Really is loved by this Gideon guy. Crazy. That's very funny. Option one. Oh, I almost put it down. One now. No. So, oh, not one or two. All right, if we're going to write it out, if you want to run to Pottsville, which had Corner Corner Lone Day, and that's where Bitsy's from, right? Pottsville. There's an E at the end, but it's silent. If you want to run...

To Sticker Brush, that's where the Woodland Alliance is. Uh, but certainly not Nesta. Who needs a piece of paper to vote with? I've been ripping up this book! Okay, alright, nobody's stopping you. Oh, I don't know what to choose. Um, Rot Sticker Brush. Sticker Brush or Pottsville. Or Pottsville, that's right. And for the folks viewing at home, I'll bring up the map so they can see the difference. I don't know what to choose.

Is this another anonymous vote? It should be. Okay. Unless you don't care, which, let's be real, Peggy, you've been pretty transparent this whole time, so if that works for you, what do you mean? What do you mean? I'm not miserable. I'm right here, Booker. Thank you. Oh, shit. No, I should do it this way. To Booker. From Peggy. Anonymous vote.

Bitsy has torn it out about half the pages in a book called the MOLY Bibble. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Got you. Thank you. All right, here we go. We have Pottsville. Oh, this is lovely. And it was signed with a nice little image, but I'm not going to say what it is to let people... I don't want anyone to know. Was it this?

What? What? Sorry, I was getting something from the cabinet. Yeah, you gotta, if you're gonna yell at me, you gotta come sit down so we can all talk. I can't hear anything in there. Was it one of the S's? Is that what you said? No, no, this was nice. It was a different signature. It wasn't the S this time. It was very, very nice, you said. You said it was nice. It was very nice. Oh, wow. This is two Booker Forum, Peggy, anonymous vote.

Can we walk? I have asthma. Pump that with the S again. It's really growing on me. We can walk. I wish I could do that. That looks so cool. But you misunderstood the assignment. You didn't say where we're walking. Oh.

We can walk. We can walk. We want to be cognizant of everyone's health problems and not put anyone out. That's this ominous run. This one says, I'd love to visit Rye Barrel Falls. That's not even close. That isn't even close. Oh, that sounds nice. This is why I drank a little any of those screwdrivers. Jeez Louise. You're right. That isn't even close at all. Do you think the falls is made of rye barrels? I don't know. I've never been.

Pottsville? We're getting closer. But what if that guy just dies on the toilet collapsing in flames and shit? I don't... I don't have an answer. I don't have an answer for that. Just put it down for Pottsville. Okay. No, no, no. I don't have it. I mean, we might as well capture Ribattle Falls if that's an option. Oh, I suppose. Hollywood. Hollywood? Which one of you sick fucks wants to go to Hollywood? Hollywood.

You absolute degenerate. One of us is a pervert in disguise. I regret it being anonymous. Who would write that? Who spelled it wrong? The point is, we have a traitor in our midst, and whoever it is was undressing and redressing John Claude in his sleep. Do you think that a pervert slipped in one of the votes? Oh, my God. Oh!

Are they under the beds? Oh my god, you know what that means? This voting system's rigged. We gotta vote again. Yeah, let's vote one more time. I can't trust any of you. This is a nightmare. Oh god, so we slept here. Is that the final vote? Yes, it's the final vote. What do we got? I think we only had two legitimate votes. If I'm counting correctly. This is my hell. Based on my detailed calculations, the final results... I call for a recount.

Well, we haven't even had the V-count. Yeah, I know. I'm calling for a recount. Okay. I think it's required that he tell you. One, two, one, one, zero. All recounted. Richard, boo.

Total metallic. Two. But you wrote all those down. How do I know that those numbers actually reflect the data? Booger, could you reread the selections? Hollywood. Okay. Okay, that's one. Rye Barrel Falls, for some godforsaken reason. That's one. Can We Walk? Peggy Has Asthma. Maybe that's a place. Oh, I didn't even write that down.

That's not really a vote. Pottsville. Pottsville. There's one for Pottsville. Okay. That's one, one, one. And Pottsville, but again, what if that guy just dies on the toilet collapsing in flames and shit? Oh, wow. That sounds violent. That's very, very specific. That's five votes, and there's five of us. Yeah, it all checks out except for that Hollywood thing. But I didn't vote.

Here! There's one in there that says it's for Vex! No, you just offered that you had asthma! No, but I'm saying I didn't vote for anything. Well, no, no, there's four actual votes and then your suggestion card. Why did you hand me this piece of the book? Well, so you can get your vote in. Oh, okay, I'll vote. Oh, do you want to vote? You can vote. Sure. Yeah, you can vote. I mean, you know, the democratic process...

Voting is our duty as a citizen of the Dimwood. This is anonymous, right? I don't want anyone knowing. Yeah, it's probably best you just do it anonymously here. Yep, thank you. No one will know. Okay, all right, here we go. Oh, no. It says Hollywood. What? You tell me you're joking, Booker. No, I'm not. It's what it says. Oh.

Who would write that? I don't know! Who would have done this? We have two poets in on this! No, no, no, no, no, no. Look, look. See this hanging guy named Chad? This is no way! No, it doesn't count. It came in. It can't count! The polls closed. I know we just made that up, but it can't count. No, it can't. No, it can't count. No, unfortunately. I mean, I definitely think that's probably a legitimate vote. What do we do now, Rodley? We gotta tally the votes. We gotta see where we stand in the polls. In last place...

- One of the two legitimate options, Sticker Brush with zero votes. - Sounds like we're not going there. - In third place, Rye Barrel Falls with one vote. - Ooh, let's go there. - And tied for first is Pottsville and the Hollywood. - Who would have voted for those places? - I never thought I would have seen this in my day.

What do we do? How do we break this vote? We have to make another vote to break the tie? This is getting out of hand. Now there are four of them. Okay, that's fine. If it must be done, it must be done. All right. Please, for the love of gods, check to make sure that none of the perverts vote for the Hollywood. We can't do that. We can't go there. The stream will be canceled forever.

Wait, what were the two places we were voting on? Pottsville. Let it be known. Pottsville. There are only two options in this vote. All other votes will be disqualified. Oh, wow. Look at you getting all authoritative. You know what? Someone's got you at this point. Be here till Christmas. Or the equivalent of Christmas. Or the equivalent of Christmas.

You're looking a little suspicious over there, Grumly. Like someone who would vote for the Hollywood. I'm looking suspicious? Yep. Booker.

What? I'm starting to think that Peggy voted for the Hollywood. Hey, it was anonymous! You have no way of knowing what I voted. I know, I can't be sure. She's right, but I'm with you. I'm getting a sinking, suspicious feeling that she might be the secret pervert. Secret? Director Ferret Weasel must have gotten to her. No, you don't think? Maybe he was the one that slipped through those mind control drugs. What the hell did he promise her?

The whole wood. It's unbelievable. Well, unfortunately for all of us, right now, those woods are quite waterlogged. That's very funny. All right, here we go. The first one we have says, please, please, Pottsville. Tally it down, Bromley. Oh, oh, I'm on it. The big P got one. Thank the gods. We have another for Pottsville. Oh, wow.

Things are looking good. Hopefully the counting doesn't stop it. Hollywood signed, this was definitely not a pervert. They're making fun of us, Gromley. They're mocking us. This was definitely not a pervert. Oh my God, they still spelled it wrong. The drama of this count is really reminding me of survival. Do you want another screwdriver? As a count, disqualified. All right.

Nobody worry about that. Nobody worry about that. Counting will resume. Okay. Pottsville. That's number three. There's no way this can fail. The Hollywood signed Peggy. No, no, no, no. That was an accident. Hold on. It's supposed to be anonymous. Oh, okay. Let me cross that out. I was really worried that Peggy was the secret pervert for a moment. There we go. Okay. Let me just reopen this one. Thank you. This one says...

The Hollywood! Who would have voted for that? Damn povets! But I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters. The election results are coming in. Watch this. I'm getting an update live from the field. This is very topical for this year in our time. We should probably avoid this topic. Oh shit, a hologram! It's too big!

That was very funny. It's too late for me. We've done this five times. We're almost at the end of the bit. We've got to pass the vote. Hollywood, two votes. Pottsville, three votes. Yes! Yeah! Oh, wow. We never didn't have it. That was close. Here's your screwdriver. Thank you. Wait, so what did we do all that for? That settles it. We're going to run to Pottsville.

Oh, when? We gonna pick up groceries there or something? No, we're going forever. We're gonna get out of, we're skipping town. We're getting out of Dodge. We're going back to Pottsville. We're gonna get out of this eerie controlled clearing. We're gonna take refuge under the Marquisar and we're gonna find where we can just dump off Beauregard and move on with our lives. The body? No, he's living for him in a place where he won't get any more debt, any more trouble. Ever.

After that, it's not a problem anymore. Did we decide whether or not we were taking him or leaving him? What? All of that was to take him to Botsville. We're trying to save his life. I thought we were just running. Should we vote on whether we take him? No, no, no. No more voting. We're drowning in Bible paper. No. No more. I thought it was Bibble. I'll leave. I'll leave Bibble. All right.

Okay. We shouldn't delay anymore. The autos are gonna be looking for an update. We gotta go grab old Bo. Get out of here. We gotta get your dad.

And Jean-Claude, if you want to shoot on Mr. Ledoux's desk, that's fine. Just take a real quick break. I'm really in and out. Like five minutes and out. We don't even have to roll. No, you get your own scene. No one talks to my dad. You go get your own scene and go shit in his desk and walk out of here. You can find a local wombat and make it square shaped. Yeah. Okay. Give me old Jean-Claude up a decker and then get out.

You could do that. Do it. All right, I'll do it. I've said I'll do it like four times. You're gonna do it, Rod. That's a long fact. I'm leaving right now. I don't think you can talk to me anymore. You're not second-guessing things? No. Next time you see me, I'm gonna be ten pounds lighter. Oh. Holy crap. That's foul. What the hell? I'm trying to make you vote for Hollywood. Ugh.

I'll scare you after booking it. I run to where my dad's apartment is, regardless of who joins me or not. I sound like Brumley's coming. I'll follow. Alright, everybody push on Claude. He's got a job to do. I got a job to do. Roll a d100. If you roll a 100, your slit opens up and you burst into flames. laughter

Okay, 68, everybody. 68, 68. Oh god. You almost shit yourself in the flames. And your artery almost exploded in your neck. Oh god, oh! That was the big one! His slit. Oh god, okay. Um...

You go find my dad. Yeah. You make your way through the casino. It's very, at this time of, it's actually, it's 10 minutes to 11 as you're making your way and leaving. As you see that they're getting ready to close up breakfast. Damn it! The next one, the next one. We're going back and forth. Do I have time? No, we start time. Oh!

I'll go. You stay. I'll go. Give me one of those really gross, dry, like, tiny corn bars. No, I'm not going. I'm going to my dad. I'm saying, you stay here. I'm going to my dad. Oh, I'll meet you there. I'll catch up. I told you I thought I'd watch your cars. You can eat breakfast, and I'm off. Yeah, you make your way out into Muckbeak Creek.

I remember, yeah, Mobut Creek. And you make your way through the town, through the clearing, looking for your father's apartment. Dad, wake up! Dad, we gotta go! Come on, Dad, wake up! You make your way through as no one answers. Wake up, Dad! I tried the handle. Oh, no. It's locked.

You want me to burn the place to the ground? No! I will attempt to... You remember you have a key. No! Stop! I'm sorry, I'm over it. Screwdrivers haven't kicked in yet. I didn't lock the door. Dad! Dad! I run in, I try to wake him up. You run in and you see him sprawled out on his bed. He has a...

Three pairs of boxers on and nothing else. What the hell? He has one on wearing normally, but you can see the attempt of where he tried to get one over his arm and one over his head. Oh, dear God. As he's a sprawl out, snoring incredibly loudly. I grab him by the shoulders and I say, Dad, wake up! Wake up! And I shake him and I slap him on the face a little bit.

What? What?

You gotta come with us now! We gotta go now? Yes, we gotta go now. Oh my, I almost paid off my apartment! The apartment's not going anywhere, Dad. We can worry about that later. We got a good attorney. He can handle the estate stuff. Come on! Oh, I don't have time to take a shit and get some coffee. How much time is that gonna take? Well, I mean, John closed for the same thing, so you probably got about ten minutes.

I need to go into the bathroom. Fine, fine, hurry up! Hurry up! Oh, my back! Make sure you roll a d100 first. It's easy to do it safely.

What happened last night? What do you mean what happened last night? You were gambling. You were up a lot of money. You were going to pay off your debt. You lost it all. You got way more debt. And we took it into our hands to figure out your debt problem. Turns out the only way to do that was murder. We decided not to do it because then we're going to take you to a different clearing where the others can't get you. We're leaving. We're leaving. We're leaving Mugbeck Creek. Mugbeck Creek is all I know. Well, now you're going to know Pottsville.

Oh, Pottsville? Oh, there's nothing to do up in Pottsville. That's right, and there's no way for you to get yourself in any trouble. Oh, I don't think they got any gentleman's clubs in Pottsville. I think you should shut the hell up! Okay, let me just go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Hurry up! Dad, what the hell? What? What are you doing? Is that his dad? Is it just Mike?

As Beauregard cold starts in the morning. Hurry up, hurry up, we don't have much time. One shot, cold stuff, you really have to go. Because then they're going to be looking for us. Okay, hold on, hold on.

You wait as Jean, as Grumbly, we'll go to you next. I'm just going to grab a couple really gross, stale corn muffins and danishes and whatever. Yeah, no, they're incredibly stale. The cheese danishes have like crusted over a little bit. What have you done with the blueprints that you had taken, been gifted or loaned from Mr. Ledoux?

I don't think... I would have probably... Did Jean-Claude have them, or did I have them? You had them. Oh, I guess you both looked at it together, so whoever would have taken them. I think Jean-Claude had them. Okay. Jean-Claude now has the ledger and the planks. Because I was sniffing. I was sniffing around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so once I just grabbed a few, I remember telling Jean-Claude that I would just watch guard while he shit on the desk. And so I'm going to basically like go back up to the office real quick. There's like powdered eggs. There's like one like really overcooked chicken sausage on it. Oh yeah. Dry as hell. Yeah, dry as fuck. And I'm going to like plate in hand, walk up to the office and just like,

Okay. Assuming Jean-Claude's in there already. I look around the office. I walk in. I look around to see if he has a...

Well, I look for the desk. It's there. And I place the ledger. You had seen that Mr. Ledoux was at the far end of the casino. He was already making the rounds. He was talking to some of the pit bosses. They were leaning in. They were by the music, having to find new entertainment because they're scratching out the sign that said, the Alton John experience here all weekend. Yeah.

They're getting rid of that. And so they're trying to find new entertainment. Probably the music director of the casino is talking and they're going through lists of bands and musical acts. And he seems to be completely distracted. So I head to his office. I go in. I go to the desk. I grab a pen and I start to write a letter response. To Mr. Ladoo.

Thank you for your kind offer of employment. However, I have to say, fuck you. I would never work for such an underhanded, ugly businessman who hands over his ledger to just anyone who comes and asks. Especially one who looks like an alligator.

Or crocodile. Crocodile. Yeah. Is what I meant all along. Sean, it's yours truly, Jean-Luc Chanticleer. And I think this here draw will do just fine. P.S. Enjoy my last surprise.

Oh, he's really struggling in there. He got a 68. He got a 68. Wow. That's commitment.

This is the method acting. This is going to shit his pants live on screen. This chair was already stained. It's a nightmare. Everything okay in there? I don't have any fiber left. It's all clams and pasta. We should be up for this. Hurry up. Just give me a second. I'm savoring the moment. I think this guy

I might actually fucking execute my brother. PPS. If you want someone to employ you no good crocodile, look for my no good dumb ugly brother Jean-Claude Jean-Claude. That is all. Bye.

A perfect cube lands on the desk. In the drawer! In the drawer. Are you sure you don't need help? Oh, wow. You hear a rumbling inside of me. The door is vibrating.

The door slams open and you see me standing on the threshold. You're sweating out of the armpits of your pants. I'm pulling my pants, I'm holding my pants in the waistband.

All Grumly-handle us saying we must make haste. Oh my god. They're gonna know immediately. We gotta go right now. Right now. We're in Bintzy. Bintzy, come on! Leave it, it's no time. No time! It was no time. How many screwdriver's have you had?

- Oh, we scurry out the casino. - You make your way out of the casino. As you make your way just around, you had just very fortunately missed Louis Ledoux as he is going around the other side. - You mean Louis Ledouce. - As he makes his way to his office and as you're running through the Muckbin Creek, you hear from the highest window,

you hear from the highest window, very clearly from Mr. Ledoux's office, "I'm going to kill that accountant!" And that is where we'll end the session. Well done, well done. Oh, that's fun. Oh man. Best run of the session, Mike. Thank you. That was so good. God, that was fun.

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