Uprooted | Ep. 4 | Do You Hear the Critters Sing?
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Mikey Gilder, and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time. Oh no, he's a sweet, sweet little bear who's came from all the way up north. We're gonna go get the rest of the Woodland Alliance that we know is in that prison out, so they can escort you down to Stickabrush. Help, we need help! Oh, we've encountered the bear, and we've slain!

- And most importantly, get us the vice room because we need our money. Oh, help! - Public executions of traitors at sunset, looking for caterer for the event still. - Full hide for full reward. - What? - We need that ring of keys and then we're gonna bust everybody out of the prison.

and we're gonna burn this entire clearing to the ground. - Our two friends are rotting away in a Marquis VIII jail. - So we convince Nestor, we create some horrific, horrible concoction for the viceroy and hopefully the goat guy. Out they go, we swipe the keys, we let everybody out, and we steal back the gold that is ours. - I think it's either that plan or we commit a bunch of crimes and get in with the prisoners and try to escape chicken run style.

Okay, crew, let's cook. And he's barking out orders. We're putting the drugs only in the place that the Viceroy and any of the Marquis 8 soldiers that might be in there are eating. At the head of this grand dining hall, you see bound and gagged but dressed very gaudily 25 prisoners. And you see sitting at the head a very large, incredibly well-dressed pomp rabbit and sitting on either side of her.

Bound and gagged, similarly dressed, are Hazel and Peggy. Hazel. What? Peggy. Oh. You sit at a grand banquet hall. Flanking on either side, Viceroy Bontilda, the leader of...

clearing of Click Clot Crossing. You are trying to remember how you got into this situation, and the details are very fuzzy. After being coated in cold soup, cold stew by the crossbow bolt that Keziah had shot at Hazel, Hazel sprinted away.

and had gotten very distracted by a very clear trail of bumbleberries in the woods. - I'm sorry, what was the cold soup? - We had a bag of stew that exploded. - It was a lot of those Grumleys leftovers, right? - Oh! - You had a sack on you. - Yeah, you had a sack on you. - I was like, what? Okay, got it.

And you followed it. Ooh, bumbleberry, ooh bumbleberry, ooh bumbleberry, and off into the woods. And Peggy had noticed that you had wandered off and gotten very distracted while Bitsy, Grumly and Booker dealt with the bear and the bird.

and you were led to

You followed the trail until, unfortunately, you noticed too late that the forest floor opened up beneath you, and you fell into a large pit. Oh no! And were surrounded by bandits almost immediately. They had, and much to Peggy's surprise, they had anti-magic maneuvers, which was just taking all of her stuff.

- Sending the anti-wizard. - Taking all of her stuff, which they then-- - You can't stop me from getting naked. - That's true. - Can't stop that. - Which, and after realizing, after hearing word from Pottsville that there was a group

of vagabonds who had conducted quite the caper of creating corn and corn alone day and making away with quite a bit of coin and food that the authorities of the nearby clearing would be very interested. You were turned over to the town guard and

The town guard ignored the caper and ignored the corn and corn alone day and just presumed that as vagabonds, as these travelers, that you must be Woodlands members of the Woodland Alliance and immediately arrested you. You were added to a chain gang. And while you were with your prisoners, you had seen in the other cell, the fox girl that you had that had stumbled into your camp.

And you heard mutterings. Many of these people were so confused. They had no idea why they were being accused of being members of the rebels. You get the sense that most of them are probably just peasants that just weren't able to defend themselves and didn't have any way to get out of this situation. And you were then told that you would be offered a last meal.

that you'd be dining with the Viceroy herself, and there would be a grand public execution for those that would not talk and give up secrets of the Woodland Alliance. And that there would be carnival games, that there would be food stands at the public execution, that it was going to be quite the event. And that if you did not want to be executed, that you would spill the beans. Is it this point that you were then,

all dressed for dinner in very gaudy clothing and brought together in a chain gang that wrapped around the entire table and into a grand hall with all sorts of art from some centuries old, from the old Eyrie dynasty that had ruled in this palace well before the Marquis Zot had taken over.

And as you sit chained, the Viceroy had eagerly awaited the meal from the, the butler had come in and whispered who had been replacing the previous crew to cook dinner. And it was the

the renowned chef, Nestor Zappa, from "How 'Bout Dinner?" "How 'Bout Lunch?" and also dinner. - Bitsy's the only one that knows the name of the show. - "How 'Bout Dinner?" but also breakfast. - Did somebody say tea? - Did somebody say tea? - Did someone say tea? And lunch. - I might have it written down. - Yeah, it's something.

- Vincy was the only one last time who knew it. Probably and I had no fucking idea. - I tried to write it down, but I was like, "Ah, Derek's got it." - Yeah, no, I just have Jawbone of St. Fultonheimer written here. - Nice. He'll probably comment if he just said LOL. He's gotta be there. - Yeah, Derek, we need you. We need you. - The name of the restaurant, Derek. - The name of the restaurant. - Lunch. How about dinner?

Did somebody say dessert? I really... What about tea? Some bullshit like that. Somebody say dessert. Close enough. Close enough, yeah. Anyway, and you then see the doors open. And it's at this point, Booker and Grumly, you...

enter the Grand Hall and see the scene ahead of you. These prisoners all in a chain gang. The Viceroy in her elaborate outfit at the head with a very large open space on the table for her various portions of the feast. And it's at this point that you look around and you realize that Bitsy's gotten distracted

and has made her way back into the kitchen. - That doesn't seem like Bitsy. - What does Bitsy say in this moment? - Oh, I think I heard one of those tarantulas back there telling me the secrets of the universe. I'm gonna go commune with it. - No, where you going, no! Don't go back there! Ow! - Just one. - I missed a lot of them. Those fuckers can jump. - Everywhere.

And Bitsy is gone into the kitchen. And then Nestor, who has not been informed of this plan... That's exactly what Bitsy says. That Nestor has not been informed of the plan and he is-- his eyes are filled with tears. He still has the red headband from the 80s montage that you all did. And he

He looks at this. This is the greatest moment of my life. And I realize I've forgotten how to plate. You're my team. Can you help me out here? And so he turns to you and you basically have free reign to do whatever the fuck you want.

Yeah, so I would say we are carrying out the plates at this point. I would say, for sure, we were very careful about how we lined up the dishes and which ones we drugged. And definitely not trusting Bitsy, and only half trusting Grumlin. I would take at least...

One or two, again, we had some unnamed number of them, because I didn't know how many other people we might need to drug outside of the Viceroy. But I'm going to make sure that the Viceroy gets the drugged food. Okay. At the very least. Outside of that, I don't give a shit. She gets five portions, right? Yeah, some crazy number of plates. Five portions of drugged food. And I'm going to just wait there, a little scared booker. I'm like, my eyes will just be a little...

- Just like, wait till he told what to do. - "Drum Lee, just as I grab some of the plates, as I'm giving them to our lovely guests, fight with." - Which one?

No, any of them. Just start going right around the corner. I'll take care of the Viceroy. If they have to, you know, Uggsdray. Whatever. No, I'll take care of that. Grumly, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Leave the rest to me. Oh, so these are fine? I've got everything. It's all right. All right. Okay. The Viceroy has to eat first. She's the most important. And I'm going to be, like, handing out the drug to her. You mean plump?

Bunny will look at you and she's like, "I'm starving! This looks delicious!" - Oh, that's, yes. Well, you have the most famous chef in all of the Dimwood here who prepared this meal for you. And so it's going to be nothing but delicious. - I hope so. If not, I'll have your heads. - Oh, well, thank you, your highness.

Royalty. Make a deception check. Oh, shit. I might be viceroy, but tell the one. I think I might be viceroy, but tell the one. That'll be delicious, Andy. What is going on here? Sorry, I apologize. Gotta get my skill up. Deception. Starts with a D. I'd have to get a one to fuck this up. The D is for deception. I got a 19, so that's gonna be a 30. Okay. Wow. She... Ha ha!

She says, this looks delicious! And she turns to both of you as you're the closest prisoners on either side. As you see Booker walk up. And how would you react to Booker showing up in a chef's outfit? I'm like trying not to make eye contact with him. Hi, it's Booker. Booker! What are you talking about? It's Booker.

- Who? - Zeyn? - You got a booger in your nose? I'll get it for you if you want. - No, I'm saving that. - Shut your mouth, you're gonna get him in trouble. - I'm here too, by the way. - Oh, I mean, you don't know who I am. - You have a grumbly in your tumbly. - I'm Pugsley. - I have a grumbly in my tumbly too. - We should eat. - What? - Get in your teeth until I say you eat. - That's fair, August.

- Good, please. You first. I'm hungry. - Her eyes widen almost maddeningly as she looks at both of you and she says, "Because I am such a generous captor, I have provided you the most delicious last meal you will ever enjoy." - It does smell good.

As things, I expect all of the information on the Woodland Alliance that you have and you might be spared. Yeah, okay. So the biggest thing is that most of the high-end members of the Woodland Alliance are actually your gods and the people in your Rampoy. That's how they were able to get so many people in here. The majority of

- People know nothing, 'cause they're not gonna capture all of us. That would be silly. I'm a high-end ranking member, so you should probably kill me first. Unfortunately, that's just the way it goes, but most of these people are really stupid and they have nothing to do with it. So you should probably go through all of your gods and question 'em, because I would say like 70 to 80% of them are actually your enemies. - Make a perception check. I mean, a persuasion check. - Oh, I don't even have dice out. Thanks.

That's pretty good. It's damn good. Just keep it. I mean, I have dice. You said... Persuasion. Persuasion. 16. 16? Let me roll real quick. She... Her eyes widen, and she looks at you. Wow, really?!

Yeah, you know, it was quite honestly was the easiest way we figured we could do it because then we take out a bunch of our enemies right under your nose and you wouldn't know anything at all, you know? So if we just infiltrated your court and filled it up with the Woodland Alliance, then we could get rid of everyone who sided with you and then you would be the easiest thing to take out at the end. Well... Is that true? There needs to be a trial and do you have evidence? Evidence?

- If I dip, what is the word I'm looking for, clunk? - And you hear a - Oh gosh. - As the massive sheep man enters the room and he says, "Evidence." - Oh yes, evidence!

"Do we need evidence?" And Calunk looks at her and he says, "Mmm. "Splendid!" - Oh my goodness. - And all the guards are looking around at each other very nervously. - God. - And she turns to you and says, "Will you point out which ones are the traitorous rebels?"

- It's gonna be really hard for me to point 'em all out when they're wearing clothes. - - Make a deceptive check. - - - - - - -

- Five. - Well, almost. - I rolled a three and then a five. - So close. - Nearly there. - Missed it by that much. - She leans in and says, "That's ridiculous! "They're dressed to be in my presence!"

Do you know how much it cost the taxpayers? Yeah, but you know the thing is, how can I- I don't! I don't really care! It's the taxpayers' money, not mine! But see, the thing is, you know, how am I supposed to tell whether, you know, Guardsman Sean over there is actually Woodland Alliance Adam when he's wearing a helmet? I can't see his face! Are you saying that there's special tattoos or something?

- Why don't we give everything away? You think we're stupid enough to do that? We gotta think of our own way. - That would be evading the evidence. - She thinks for a moment. - Oh, in all this yelling sure is hungry work, isn't it? Why don't you eat five portions of supper before you do that? - And perhaps maybe your enormous, scary Goatman God would like to eat some food too. - Clunk!

"Do you do executioning on a full stomach?" He steps forward a little bit and says, "I prefer to kill fast." No, it's really good. I mean, tell him how good it is. It's, I mean, it's, it's...

I mean, in all reality, this is some of the greatest food I've ever tasted in my entire life. Oh. You have to try it. It's been everywhere. It does look really good. Every clearing. Nestor knows his way around the kitchen, that's for sure. Nobody like Nestor.

- Oh yes, no, I've wandered into many strange kitchens after being in the bar. I've been thrown out by many, I mean, I'm a graduate from Gordon Ramsay's prestigious. - I promise you, you'll never see another, you'll never try another meal like this ever again. - Make a persuasion check. An advantage, 'cause Grumly's helping you. You can't.

I got a, uh, 29. Uh, twist of dread. So do I just re-roll that one? You'll have to take the lowest regardless. That's not how twist of dread works. Natural two of eight. So do I just take the

- No, no, no, you take the 20, yeah. - I just take the new roll. - Yeah. - I got a 31. Thank you, Michael.

And this is my famous Dutch sauce. See the sauce on literally every course? That's Dutch sauce. When you put it like that...

Oh, it's even in the trifle? Um, if that means that the goat, the goat, the clunk? Yeah. Clunk is looking to have a plate. Clunk, I order you to not kill bastards! We have seen Nestor from the restaurant that they said. You must not be rude to our chef. He is basically an executioner like you. Here, let's

"Allow me, please." And I go down to the end of the table where one of the most pathetic, peasant-looking, starving people is sitting there and I lean over and I go, "I'm so sorry." And I take the dish from him and as I'm walking,

And as I'm walking to Clunk, I would like to... I'm so hungry! ...as stealthily as possible, take the rest of the drugs that Bitsy had us, and just slip them under all the food. I mean, this is so much drugs that I'm putting in this one plate, because this guy is like 1,200 pounds. And so we've sprinkled it amongst the vice for his food. I am using the rest of it. It's basically like a giant crack rock

of drums underneath the mash, next to the bangers. And I will try to stealthily stick that in there. - So you actually pull out, literally, it looks like, it's a full crack rock, but edible food grade paint, you see Big Clucker. And he says, "Nobody does drugs like Big Clucker."

- All right, and the key to this one, the key to this one is called deconstructed bangas and mash, but the key is actually just eat it all in one go and it just constructs as you eat it. - It's pretty crazy. - Another natural 20. - Gotta give it a try. - 27 total for right at hand. Poco's on fire tonight. - You're able to do that very quickly and as you approach him, his eyes narrow and he says, "Don't I know you?" - What, me?

- No, no, we've never met before in our lives. - Make a deception check of disadvantage. - There's certainly nobody in the dimwood that has, I mean there are tons of people in the dimwood that have the exact same accent as I do. I'm certainly not a unique raccoon or anything. You said disadvantage? Uh oh. Deception? - Yeah. - 17. - Fuck. - Oh no, inside, I gotta roll inside.

I'm using a twisted dread. Son of a gun. So I will keep the six, re-roll the high... Oh, you're gonna just... I'm re-rolling. Okay, okay, okay. I'm re-rolling. Got it, got it, got it. 17. I went from a two to a seven. Very good. Never seen me before in your life, friend. And he looks at you and...

- I mean, the Viceroy says, "Clunk, what did I tell you about... "You sit down and stop being offensive!" And with that, he yelps a little bit, and he's very clearly actually afraid of the Viceroy. - Me too. - And he sits down, and he takes the plate.

And she then extends her arms and says, "I will reiterate my generous offer. You will have the greatest meal of your life. And if you give up all of your allies, all of your friends and family to be hanged at the carnival this evening, this will not be your last supper or you will die pleasantly at the very least. Well,

I really feel that my tongue gets loose once I've had a bite to eat. - Oh, good point! Secrets are best speared over dessert! Dig in! - All right, Brumley, just stand back and watch the mayhem. - I'm sitting at the table with my fork like,

And you see as the, um, you had taken, uh, there's a very emaciated, uh, tiny vole. And as you like, he's like, when his chains are rattling. Can I go into the kitchen and like pick up the tarantula and just like bring it out to him? But he's like, I was just going to look

- Three years salary, oh! - I just totally ignore Bitsy. - It's Bitsy's opportunity to, "I'll find someone else to start a cult with!" And you do that and you just drop a smashed tarantula and the vole devour, starts to devour. - It's the best I could do, I'm sorry.

- It's all we got. - As Ness is like, "Oh, I can't wait to get the reaction. "I'm going to look and I can't wait for you "to tell me how you love it." As you see the Viceroy Bontilda starts shoveling food into her face and she takes

a handful of bites for a couple seconds. Her eyes go wide. As Kalan turns and he looks and he's like, "Oh, drag rock!" Yes! I didn't think that was gonna work! I need to roll a Consume Seving Toad for them, though. Oh. Okay.

Probably overdose. Well, then we can get our money back. Serves them right for charging us taxes. Okay.

Okay. Remember the lesson of the day, kids. If you charge people taxes, you deserve to be poisoned to death. FBI then rolls up. And so is it just Kong and the Viceroy that you were poisoning, right? Assuming that they're the only Markizak people that are actually eating, yeah. They're guards, right? I assume if there are guards there, we'll just have to slay them. That's unfortunate for them. Wrong place, wrong time, friends.

No, but we were definitely gonna try to avoid poisoning any of the woodlittle lions.

- That happens. And so both Clonk and Viceroy Buntilda just completely collapse, foam emerging from their mouths. - Oh wow! - As the guards all snap to attention and they all turn to Nester and say, "Oh, this was all me, I did all of the work, I played at everything and got..."

Did my famous duck sauce on all of the dishes. There was no particular reason to do it on every course except for the fact that it was so delicious. And the guards immediately raised their weapons and said, stop you!

- You know, if I were you, I'd get outta here right now, 'cause she now thinks that at least 70% to 80% of you are with the Woodland Alliance, and she needs no evidence. She's gonna wake up eventually if you're still here. Those don't look so good for you, fellas. - Make a persuasion check. - I'm gonna get you guys. - Oh, it's a folder.

- I'm not first places. - They look at you and they hesitate and they pull, and as they look and they seem to, they seem to be very clearly thinking about it. As after seeing that the Viceroy had very clearly been very willing to execute all of them. As they stop and they turn to you and say,

"Well, if we can prove it was this guy, we'll put it on him!" And they go, "Oh, wait, no! What did I do? Did I do too much booze? Too much bourbon?" As the guards start to, uh, start surrounding. - Wow, they're going after Nesta. Look for the goat man's key ring. See if we can get the ladies out of here and then also maybe get our gold back. - I haven't been served yet!

- You can take it to go, we have to get out of here, quick, run, let's go! - All right, and I'm gonna run over to Clunk's person and I wanna just look through the ceiling. - Investigation check. - Oh god. - I'm like trying to see if my hands, my bound hands can reach the Viceroy's plate. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no! - Yeah, yeah, just do that, do that. Dexterity cognitive between you two. - Reaching as hard as I can.

- Are you trying to stop her? - Oh, I was just telling her if I'm close enough, yeah, I would definitely try to slap the fork out of her hand. - Just dexterity. - 19, 16. - Oh, you beat me, I think. - Welcome, Huntress Clarice. - Just straight up dex is-- - Hello, Huntress Clarice. - I got a 12, so I'm not able to stop her from doing what she wants to do. - They can call Zeeza saving throw.

- Natural one. - You immediately lose consciousness as you get a morsel and you take 14 points of poison damage. It's bitsy to not realize.

The sheer extent of what she had done as you see Hazel slump forward into the deconstructed bangers and mash. - Son of a gun, there was food right on her own plate. She had to go for the viceroys, unbelievable. Bromley, have you found the keys? - I'm looking, I've roped into my team to look for the keys. - Oh yeah, you find it very quickly. - I wanna keep an eye on Nestor and like what's happening.

- Poor Buster. - He's holding up his hands like, "Oh no, I just was trying to live my dream "as the real chef of the Viceroy. "I didn't mean to use too much salt. "Maybe it was a hard condition. "I'm sorry, I just like my food salty." As they are closing in on him, I will...

Hey, Booker, take these. And I'll throw him the keys. What are you doing? No, we have to get out of here. We can't stick around here. What are you doing? You're going to free the prisoners, and I'm going to save Nestor. No, no, no. Nestor's what we call a patsy. He's a fall guy. We don't need him anymore. No fall guy gets left behind. Oh, sweet God. I just want to start bum-rushing for Nestor. Okay. Okay, make a...

I would say that they're approaching him and starting to surround him. We'll say we're gonna do roll an athletics or acrobatics contest and it's gonna be a group roll for the guards.

And it's gonna be disadvantaged because you see that there's actually, there's one leader that is very much unswayed, but a lot of them had, after hearing what Peggy had to say, they're like, "She almost just tried to hang us. "With no fair trial. "The taxes are high, we don't have right to a fair trial. "What is this place?" - Hell. - And it's gonna be a natural two. What'd you get? 26. - Nice.

You manage to, after you throw the keys to Booker, you manage to just hunker down and dash, and you've never seen a bug move this fast. - It's like a bowling ball. - Yeah.

And you actually, it's like the lion scene of Timon and Pumbaa in The Lion King, and you actually are knocking guards out of the way as Nestor doesn't even have any time to react as you basically tackle him. Oh, what's happening? Oh my goodness! I get up and I say, now that's what I call duck pin bowling.

And I turn around to all the guards. Jesus Christ. I turn around to the guards, and I say, "Don't make me use my chef's halberd.

- Stand down! - I will begin trying to unlock all of the manacles from all of the Woodland Lions. - I would say so as that's happening, you are able to easily unlock it and you see that on Clunk's person are all of Peggy's effects. As you see a bunch of horrible,

glowing vials and horrible experiments and contraptions. As they all spill out and you are able to free your companions. Done.

And I leave Hazel just sitting in the chair for now until we're ready to move. - You see that in the foam at Clunk's mouth, there's some blood in there. - Oh, oh no. This is awful. Bitsy's a murderer. I can't believe she's done this. I also would like to check if he has any of our gold that he stole from us. - Make a...

- Make an investigation check. - Used all my good rolls. Ooh, 12, or 11. - 11, you find a small pouch of gold on him. It looks like his personal gold collection. - And as I hold the gold up, I say, "There's a lesson here, clunk."

Taxes are bad. And I pocket the gold coin purse. - You see his eyes kind of like get cross-eyed and like some blood starts to pour down his face. - Jesus. - You brought this on yourself, friend. And I'm like,

I will turn to the gang. All right, what do we do now? We gotta get out of here. And I'm like telling the peasants basically to just fucking run and like just get out and you know, we can move together as a unit. Somebody's gotta carry Hazel.

- I'm literally surrounded by guards. - Grumbly surrounded by guards as they, this lead one, as the other ones are kind of looking at each other, this lead guard who is very, he's dressed the most elegantly. You can tell that he's a cat and he's very, very loyal. - I'm a cat. - What? - Doesn't care who, I'm a cat. - That's pretty good.

He says, "You are an accomplice! You will be brought in and tried and hanged at the festivities this evening as well!" "We're not accomplices, I'm just a sous chef! An opportunity for a head chef!" "So I suggest you step down." "I'm a real head chef!" How close am I to this person? I would say as close as you want to be. It's really from 30 feet. 120 feet? Oh yeah, the room is big, it's not that big.

I am going to... Give me a second. I have to think about how I magic this. Oh, I've got my stuff back. What would I have in my pack to make him very, very frightened? You look like a really cheap Halloween mask. You perfect!

I'm gonna reach into my back and pull out what clearly looks like a plastic-ware thing in this place, like one of those super flimsy clown masks. I'm gonna put it on my face and I'm gonna look to this man. I'm gonna go, "No one's gonna get hanged here today, friend, but maybe you will. Look around you.

You see nothing but foes. You're the only one that's got enemies here. We're all friends, and I'm gonna cast Enemies Abound on this person. He needs to make an intelligence saving throw, DC 16.

- Fucking fails. 14. - Yes, he loses the ability to distinguish friend from foe. Regarding all creatures, it can see his enemies until the spell ends. - He turns and as he sees the very cheap, very cheap clown mask. - It's like ill-fitting. - You have no chance against the magics I've created for myself. - His eyes go wide.

And he says, "I don't wanna go to the circus, father! "Spooky clowns, scary! "Ah, spooky clowns!" And he turns, as he has a horrible flashback, and he takes his sword and runs it through one of the guards. - Oh my god! - And blood splatters everywhere. - What the hell? - And you see as one of the younger guards, "Okay, I'm sorry,

I'm not gonna be killed by a corrupt politician and they all just start caesaring him. - This is so much worse than the poisoning. - I don't want to spooky clowns.

- I'm gonna, while this is happening, I'm gonna go over to Azel and I'm gonna grab her by her lapels. - And he turns into this. - And I'm gonna be like, "Wake up, wake up, Azel, we gotta go, wake up!" And I'm shaking her violently. - Molino! - I would say that you, make a constitution, I will say a little trigger constitution saving throw. - Ooh.

- 16. - 16, that's enough. The DC was 15. As you are very sick, your tummy hurts. You're a little drunk from the duck sauce. And you, but you are conscious and you're able to move. - Okay.

That wasn't very good at all. You ate off the wrong plate. We served you your food specifically. Why did you eat the Viceroy's food? I was just so hungry and honestly, I didn't see my plate. It was right here! Get up! Get up, look around! Look at what in that nine houses happening! There's blood and sores and like dead people. And I'm standing there with this mask askew on my face covered in blood. What the hell? What is that?

All right, next, let's get the fuck out of here. - It's like the scene from Saving Private Ryan, but it's from Hazel's perspective. It's like going in and out. It's fuzzy and there's like a clown Peggy standing over it. And there's one guy walking around with no arm.

Actually, that does happen. You see that there's a large carving knife. You see that there's a mouse that, despite his small size, is actually incredibly muscular. As he looks forward and lunges for the carving knife and says, Freeze!

And he lunges for the Viceroy and just cuts her throat. And he says, come on yourselves, brothers! And he starts throwing out knives and they turn on the guards. And a couple of prisoners who are actually Woodland Alliance starts stabbing the guards. And one goes into the kitchen as Bitsy is like, oh no, there's a fire!

It's hot in here, oh God. And she runs out and there's a massive eruption of flame from the kitchen as the whole room starts to catch fire. This is the worst dinner I've ever been to. We have to get up, we have to move. Are you fucking drunk? Come on. Oh, hey, Nestor. I'm pulling Nestor out with us. We gotta go. I don't know where he is. I'd be dragging Hazel and saying, Peggy, come on, we have to find a way out.

- I'm just standing over them, breathing heavily. - Freedom, death to Titans! - The fire is, it's getting hot in here, so Peggy takes off all her clothes. - Oh God. - No kidding, I just thought it was coming. - Is there another, I would look for some sort of like staircase thing that's away from the kitchen, but not necessarily like the main door to this room.

Yeah, so you do see that there's a large door as, and there's absolute chaos erupting. And you, and through the crowd, someone approaches you as you see the fox girl approach you. And she says,

I knew you weren't with them. I knew you were one of us. As she pulls out one of these steak knives and hands them to you, it's like, join us. One of you? Let's not get hasty here. I mean, we're here to save you, but we're gonna get out of here. This is going to be a beacon that will burn the entire Deadwood. What? In the fires of freedom! Ah!

Hold on a second. Yeah, we're not burning anything down. I mean, I did say I wanted to burn this clearing down because of the taxes. Yes, you will. Yes. What? We got to find a way out of here. I don't know if we want to get mixed up in this. I think that's really more of a figure of speech. Burning it all down. No, we will burn it all to the ground. Oh, dear. Why don't you just leave? Can you just leave?

as you see as all of the guards are massacred at this point. - Oh wow. - And the whole palace is starting to burn, there's absolute chaos all around you as the members of the, there are very clearly completely innocent peasants who are looking around and they're absolutely terrified and like looking at you like,

What do we do? - I would tell this fox girl before we make any moves, listen, if for some reason that we get separated and we don't see you again, there's a small area south of this clearing and I would tell her how to get to Benji and Koziah. You're gonna find a very large bear and a really kind of a very rude bird, but they wanna join the Woodland Alliance. They can help you. You can find them and lead them to wherever you wanna take them. Just in case we don't stay together,

I mean, we can't really stay in this clearing anymore. No, no, we have to get the peasants out. Look how very confused and scared they are. Come, quickly. Thank you. If you find a trail of bumbleberry, don't follow it. Follow it for a little while, but not as long as you'd like to. And she looks at you and says, Thank you. My name is Ginger. Ginger.

come to Sticker Brush and she turns to the mouse and says, Sean, we have a weapon of war! Yes, I bet!

And then he kicks open the door, it flies open and there's guards that start rushing in and the members of the Woodland Alliance start fighting them and clashing them, very much leaving an opening for you as you're able to lead the actual peasants through the palace. - All right, yes, that sounds great. We'll see you in Sticker Brush. There's no way in hell we're going to Sticker Brush. Let's get the hell out of here. - I'm Dragon Nestor.

And I'm walking slowly, covered in blood, wearing a mask. And that's it. That's all. I occasionally hop. As Nestor says, like, well, this dream of mine turned out to be a nightmare. As he looks, there's fire, there's blood. He's being carried by Grumly out. As he looks at me. I grab Betsy and throw her over my other shoulder. Yeah. And she turns to Nestor and says, well, how...

Oh, hey, it's the creator. I knew that you would save us. I always knew the creator was going to be intelligent enough to graduate Cal Clown College. It's like Derek and Errol laugh. It's really. It's really.

as the Woodland Alliance fights their way through the palace, creating enough of a distraction where you hear that there had been guards going down through these hallways, but the actual sound of violence and shouting voices and death to the Marquis Zod and death to the Marquis, you know, freedom for the Dimwood starts to draw all of the attention.

So there's like another hallway that's empty. Yes. As Nestor looks at Bitsy as she says that, a tarantula crawls out from under her chef hat and skitters on top of Booker. And he looks around and he looks at Peggy. He's like, and the clown...

And he reaches into his coat and he unscrews the last remaining airplane bottle of booze and he just downed the whole thing. - Well, that moment of clarity for Nestor is gone. He's hopeless. We should throw him in the fire. I'm kidding, we have to get out of here, please. - Where are we gonna go?

I mean, we can't stay in this clearing. I mean, I'd really like to get the gold that we earned, and I'd like to take it with us. I mean, we have all of these keys. We should be able to fetch the gold, and then we can get out of here. We can go to any clearing we want. Where's the gold? If... What? What? What?

We were robbed. We didn't get the money that we got for slaying the bear, all right? That's terrible. That's what I'm saying, because they're all evil, crooked crooks. Well, we got some of it. Yes, but we'll figure it out on the way. I have a question, though. Like, did you kill the bear?

Well, no, but we were... Well, then why should you get money for killing a bear if you didn't actually do it? Because he didn't deserve to die. He was a good person. He was an arse bear. I thought he was pretty scary. Right, but they were paying you for killing a bear. So if you didn't kill the bear, why should they give you money? We saved a life and we stole from these crooked crooks. It's all win-win for me. So where's the gold? We're going to go find it if there's time. I'm not going to put these keys to no use. We're going to put them to good use.

- I think we should get next to, like, into the inn or something. - That's fine. We'll deal with it on the way. Let's just get out of here. - All right. Lead the way. - Maybe just try to find the fastest way out of this building.

I'm following Grumly, looking up at, "Mister, did you make a dessert course?" "No." "Oh, my dream is a nightmare filled with bloodshed and clowns." "Nothing, then? No?" "You know, somehow I always knew it was gonna end this way." "I don't know how I was so oddly specific and guessed that a clown was gonna be involved."

But just somehow I always knew. And you know, I didn't think that my dream was gonna be so political. I just wanted to save, I just wanted to make, Dugthor. - Ken, I was gonna be one, Nestor. - Chef Ramsay would be so disappointed. - Oh, to be fair, Nestor, he always is.

Oh, I know! I'm shocked I graduated. I'm sure your bumble-- Me too! I'm sure your bumbleberry trifle was good. We'll never know if it's currently incinerated. It was bumblebe- It's terrible! Oh, it's terrible!

- I like break every window. - Yeah, yeah, you're breaking the window. - I look outside, nope, too hot. Break the next window. - And you're going down and there's very clear like a spiral. There's all sorts of staircases and ladders. This is built into a tree. This is a captured Eyrie Palace that was the prize of the Marquisate.

It's kind of like a dead tree already, right? Oh yeah, it's a dead tree. So it's a very ancient tree. So it's kindling. Yeah, basically. We're in a giant kindling. As you hear the screams of pain and the shouts of freedom, as you make your way through, the fire roars behind you. You break every window. There's priceless art all around you.

that's going up completely in flames as you make your way through and through the chaos, you're able to lead these terrified denizens who just got mixed up and for no reason, you managed to save all of them as about half of them seem to actually be with the Woodland Alliance, half did not.

as you make your way out into the clearing, as the alarm bells are ringing, as the town guard is mobilizing, and you see this large...

a large crowd gathering as you see that mouse, the very muscular mouse that had been called Jean. - Did you say he's a mighty mouse? - He's a very mighty mouse, yeah, exactly right. As he stands atop the gallows, as he takes, he's now found a saber of some kind, he's slicing all of the ropes and they start to torch it. As he says, "People!"

Denizens of the Dimwood, denizens of Kla-Kla Crossing, we have brought an end to the tyranny of Viceroy Gontilda. Join us. Join the alliance of all of the woodland critters.

"Join us in our fight for freedom, we now have a weapon of war!" And you start to see that townsfolk are looking around and dozens of townsfolk leave the crowd. They have like churros and like... As more and more people start to join the crowd.

as a large crowd, as the guards all start to rush in, as the bells are clanging, many people, many denizens, many rabbits of this clearing

who had very clearly decided to join the Marquis Zot in the tabard, and perhaps because that they needed a job, they needed money to bring home for the family. They look at the massive crowd, the growing crowd of these members of the Woodland Alliance, and they're just like, "This isn't worth it." And they're dropping their swords and just backing up. - Jesus. - And the massive swarm of the crowd,

starts flooding out of the city in the direction of Keziah and Benji as you see them leave the main town as the large clock tower gongs as chaos is in the city. You know, I think your plan of getting Nestor back to the Inn at the very least is a good one to start, and then we have to figure out where we're going. I mean, I almost feel like we should just have them take him with them.

Oh man, what's he gonna do? He was, you know, witness to be a part of it. I mean, I guess there are only witnesses left. Oh boy, well that's a good point. I don't know, I feel like... Yeah, I don't feel like anybody involved should really stay here. I just, I don't know. Is he gonna go with them? Is he gonna be alright with that? Are they gonna take a trunk? Clearly he's, you know, far right off the wagon. What do you think, Esther? You drunk? You drunk. Oh! My dream.

Oh, woe is Nestor. My life, how silly it was to think that a duck like me could ever get his groove back. All right, Nestor, I'm going to need you to focus, all right? Dreams are over. The dim wood is on fire. I need you to focus here and make a decision. Oh, to make a decision, such a monumental decision. Well, it's one that if you don't make the right choice, too, you're probably going to die. Oh, don't make this happen.

But it's the reality of the situation. He's got to wake up here. Why don't you just tell him what to do? I don't think he'll fight. Why fight? In the end, it's all just... It's all just burning trees, dead butlers, and a scary, spooky clown. Nestor, where one dream burns...

Another dream can be born from the ashes. - I'm gonna walk up to Nestor covered in blood with my clown mask still on. I'm gonna lean over him. Nestor, if you don't get your shit together and stop drinking, I'm gonna come to you every night in your sleep.

Oh no! Wait, you sound just like that pair of really strange frogs.

that I met at the tavern was taken off a clothes. - That's terrible. - You're very clearly a flesh eating monster who eats critters and has mimicry abilities. - And the only kind of monsters that I eat are the drunken ones.

I like to taste the alcohol in their blood. - - Sober up. - Go back to Gordon Ramsay's and get a new degree. - I didn't really work out at all. - Shut up! - Make an intimidation check. - 14. - 14? That's not terrible. He looks and he says,

Well, even after this, you're right. I don't have a degree. This is fraudulent. Look, you can see Big Cluck's thumb right here. Bester, you watched me make that. Oh, I did. I'm a fraud. Maybe I should go back to school and get into architecture or something.

Well, I think that-- You know what? I think I'm going to be an accountant. Well, hold on. I think the monster that ate both Peggy's makes a good point. He roughly started to make a very good speech that was very reminiscent of something that I might say. But look, if this doesn't work out and maybe you still want to cook, it's very possible the Woodland Alliance could use a talent like yours. They need to eat just like everyone else. That's true. Everybody needs to eat. I could eat right now.

- Oh, you like some of the duck thaws that we ate? - It's really not the time for that, Nesta. We need you to focus. - I still have some. - No, I don't think that's a good idea. - Ooh! - Hazel, no! - Hey! - Oh, that was the last of my duck thaws.

Oh man. - Now what am I gonna eat? - You could have a new dream of freeing the woodland from the Marquis' art and the Eyrie and you know, independence or community or whatever they believe in. You know, sort of give you something to live for. - We're gonna be honest, we really don't care what you do. You just gotta make a decision quick. I mean, things are literally on fire here.

You hear the ringing of the fire squadrons as they're like a bunch of cats and rabbits with buckets of water. - Look, Nessa, I know we've been through a lot, but you are just a minor.

part of our lives. And look, maybe our paths will cross again, but I hope they don't, and I don't think they will. Oh, I am a minor part of my own life. We're all just specks in the grand green. This guy is depressing. I really thought he was going to turn around. This is, this got dark.

Can we see like an actual crowd going into the woods? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all running off into the woods. I'm making an executive decision. Here we go. Let's go. Follow me. I'm going to keep it over my shoulder. We'll follow. And I'm going to just try to catch up with this throng of people going through the woods. Yeah, I would say you're able to catch up and you see many of them are like carrying large pots of honey. They're breaking in and like stealing from the, uh, the apiaries and the bakeries and...

For the cause! I want to see if I can recognize any of the sort of just meek, normal, like...

as part of this throng. Not necessarily Jaune or Ginger, but... - You see... - Oh, Jaune. His name was Jaune. - Jaune. - I thought it was Jaune, too. - My name is Jaune. What's up? - That's a little weird for Mikey, but... I'll go with that. - You can follow NickRat in 2012. - Oh, hey, NickRat. - And you can follow Hunter's Cholera Clarisse. - Oh, thanks. - You see the rabbit, the bunny mother that had...

that had been scared off and called Booker a pervert. - That's right. - And she joins, and she has joined the crowd. - I forgot about that. That's what we missed. - And you hear the turtle, the blue shell turtle, say, "Ah, here, here, here, here, here,

hear ye absolute chaos and pandemonium in uh in clicklaw crossing oh in the viceroy's dead viceroy's dead killed by the hands of the woodland alliance and probably that ram guy too probably that ram guy well if you can't beat him join him off to sticker brush for this uh for this town crier i wonder if they need a crier of some kind uh

I'm gonna turn to the mother. Do you mind looking after a wayward soul who really needs some guidance in life and really some purpose? And, you know, burning down a whole dimwit is a pretty noble purpose, I guess, depending on who you ask. And to be fair, he's a very, very good cook when he's not drinking. And another thing, I'm not a pervert, I'm just a raccoon. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Yes. Yes, they are. Unbelievable. And another thing, I'm not a pervert. I'm just a raccoon. Yeah, that's right. So please, just take Nesta. Get him away from us. Take him. He needs people that are not us. He needs guidance. He needs to be molded. And you can teach him the ways of the Alliance. Specifically people that are not

And so I'm gonna like tie him, take out a rope and tie one end around Nestor's waist and give him the other end of the rabbit mother. So if you could just do us a huge favor and lead him into the woods where the bear is, that would be great. Make him his waist in check. Just straight. Uh...

Not too bad, 15. 15, okay. She looks and she glares at Booker and looks at Nestor and says, oh, I guess I could be a political agent. You could get assassinated in week one. Immediately. I guess...

I guess I could join the revolution. Make, I was gonna be an accountant, since I'm already dead inside. Jesus. Sorry, accountant. Sorry, accountant. No wrong thoughts. Even if you were an accountant. Even if you're dead inside. No wrong thoughts.

But I guess whatever fate awaits me doesn't really matter, does it? And architects. And she just looks and says, well, I haven't had a well-cooked meal in a long time. Oh, thank goodness. Do you need me to cook?

Is my spark for life coming back to me to find purpose? Oh, no, they were just a cough. I thought he was going to vomit.

As he turns to you and says, "Well, I guess this is goodbye. I'm going to join the violent revolutionaries who commit massive atrocities in the name of their cause." Jesus. Um, congratulations. Well, this is the wild craziest spring break I've ever had. Is it spring?

I don't know, you tell me. I lost a few thievens. Um, good luck. Don't, you know, in the revolt, don't die. Don't. Watch out for cats. Watch out for dogs, I hate to say it. Oh, there's a dog right there! There's two of them! Go away now. Well said, Bramley. Well said.

And we wave as we go. Goodbye, friends. Oh, tell old Beau that I'm sorry for...

for vomiting so much in his inn. - As they're retreating into the woods. We won't! - Can you repay him for all of the lost business? I think he had ground for a lawsuit and I'd rather avoid that. - No, we can't, goodbye, mister! - I can't afford legal fees! - We can't hear you anymore! - And that's the last you've ever seen us. - Thank God, that's over. Jesus, unbelievable. I never thought we were gonna get that guy out of our hair.

All right, so you want to get this tax money? Yeah, I really do. I mean, I feel like we're going to be unimpeded at this point, and the money's ours. We might as well take it. They don't need it anymore. They're dead. All right, let's go. We've got to loot while the loot is going.

That's exactly right. Lead the way! And then we gotta figure out where we're gonna go, and I'll go to where I remember seeing this box that he had locked up. Yeah. Some sort of a guard tower or something. It was a government building. There isn't really a mayor in this town, the clearing, because the Marquis, rather the Viceroy,

was the leader, but there was basically kind of like the town government building. - And that is assuming that as we're approaching this building, it is just complete and utter chaos and we feel like we can walk in unimpeded. - I will say that there is complete and utter chaos and it seems like the guard presence has been lowered, but it does seem as if there are a handful of guards left

the collected taxes being very, the mid-level bureaucrats that are still here are very, they're all, you can hear them like crowding. It's like, oh, maybe we get to finally skim a little bit off the top. Oh, finally. I have to be honest. I wasn't expecting any resistance. I really don't want to have this come to blows over some gold pieces, even if they are rightfully ours. Well,

Well, if they're rightfully ours, why don't we take it? I don't feel like... I'm certainly not going to murder anybody for some gold. Well, we could just tell them to leave, you know, be real scary-like. Or convincing. And then if it devolves into a fight, Peggy will turn them into liquid goo. Why don't we just tell them that the fire has spread to the building and they might... they've got to evacuate?

I don't know. I just don't want to do anything that's going to cost us to come to fisticuffs, if you will. Oh, what if we don't have to pretend there's a fire and just have Peggy make a fire? Oh, yeah. Peggy make a... Well... Can we scale down? I turn to you and my head slowly turns. I'm still wearing the clown mask. The blood is crusted all over my body. Maybe we do.

Maybe she can just pop in and say hello. Look, again, it's not worth it. It's not worth causing more mayhem and death and destruction over some gold. I mean, we need to get out of here. It's more important. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I certainly just don't want to tussle over some gold pieces. It's not worth it. Well, I mean, I'm just thinking it like... It's a lot of hard work. We're kind of broke now. We sort of, you know, spend all our money, thanks to Nestor.

Well, I mean, there's always more clearings and there are always more people to trick. I just don't want to get in a fight over gold. But we've seen enough death today. We could just back it down. Walk it back. Tone it down. Bump it from like 11 to 4. What's that tone? I don't know. If they get mad, just run. Just to... Oh, okay.

I thought maybe instead of, you know, massacring them, you meant maybe a dagger and a kneecap or something. I know, that's still like a high seven. Good to know. We're working on the scale here. All right. Well, I mean, I guess we could put it to a vote. It's usually how we do things around here. Do we want the gold or not? I'd like gold, yeah, but I also like the queens. Eep-beer-ee.

Is that in this town? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a whole honey vault. Like, yeah. Well, the honey's probably completely unguarded. I mean, they care about the gold, not so much the high salt people taking all the honey there was. They could be gone by the time we get back there. But I didn't... I didn't... I didn't get to... I need to go now. Maybe on our way out, we can see if there's any left, you know, in the honey vault.

All in favor of-- I'm like twitching. All in favor of stealing the money, even if it means murdering these guards, hands up. Do it quick, yeah! All right, we've got two. Brumley, what do you-- is that a no? Well, I don't want to murder anybody. Yeah, me neither. I didn't hear that all. Put me on the brain. I think we can do without murder. So I think we do it.

Alright, well that's three against one. I guess I'll just vote so that way I don't look like the weird one. We're all unanimous. Attaboy. So where is it? Give me one second. Here, make like a wall so that I can be hidden and have some progress. I'll try to stay in front of Grumly, but he's three times as wide as I am.

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The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. - You needed some privacy. - I shove on my dirty ancient cat tabard, my Marquisot tabard from my past life.

Okay, I'm ready. You can step aside. All right, we'll back you up. You're going to be able to handle this? What are you going to tell them? I'm going to go order them to go help. There's chaos. You're just standing here guarding a government building. All right, so you're going to tell them that we're changing up the guard, so to speak. No, I'm going to tell them what are they doing when there's chaos. They should be helping with the fire and trying to capture the people leaving the clearing. So you're going to take a commanding route.

I'm gonna be very angry and hopefully intimidate them into letting us through. All right, well, just know that I'm here and I've got your back every step of the way and you have inspiration, which is a 1d8. I think shaming them is a really good route to go. Oh, that was a good route to go. That's pretty meta. You guards, what are you doing here? I'm gonna walk up. You will see that they're two guards, both rabbits.

They snap to attention and they see a dog approaching them. And I would say that just being a dog in this clearing, they just presume that you are from New Felicia. And they all say, oh, we are protecting the government headquarters. I am Sir Grubly of New Felicia.

high-ranking military official of the Marquis up, and I must ask you, soldiers, what are you doing guarding this building when the palace is on fire, and there are rebels escaping into the woods, civilians are dying in the streets, being cut down by these vigilantes? Yeah! Now, we are here under explicit orders from the government accountant.

And who does the government accountant report to? The Viceroy. And we hear that she is dead. Exactly right, she's dead. You know who I report to? The Marquise. And I'm passing orders down straight from the Marquise herself. The Marquise de Carte. Oh, that sounds very fancy. And she orders you to leave your posts, screw what the accountant says, and go help with the chaos. Or else...

Make an intimidation check. I like it when Grimly does dog things. Oh, it's pretty good. You might as well use it. Even if you fail, you get to keep it. Oh, that's right. It's at a minute. Intimidation! That's a 24! They all look at you and they look back and forth at each other.

And they just say, well, you're explaining to the accountant, right? Yeah, don't worry about that. I'll go in there and I'll explain very kindly where you two went off to. Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. We'll help, we'll help. And they'll look, so tell the Marquis. If you don't go now, I might die of an inkling of terror. As they scamper off. That was really good.

I can't believe they're guarding an accountant. And he's someone that I could be convinced to kill, Booker. Well, we can see what happens when we get in there. I'm going to try the door handle. Wait, is there a door? There's a door, yeah. I'm tempted to see the door, see if it's unlocked. It's unlocked, yeah. Okay, I open it up. Yeah, you open it up, and there's, you know, there's a small...

- Little entryway, as you hear from down the hall and around the corner, which is in the direction where you had gotten your gold from Klunk, there's the sound of clinking metal and joyous, almost like childlike laughter. - That was really well done, by the way. Nice job, you got us in here. Do we have to go past or towards that sound to get to where the strong box is?

- To, are you asking me or? - Yes. - Oh. - I'm asking, I'm out of character, but I just like to stay in the voice. - Basically to go down the hall and around the corner is where you know the strongbox is, is where the till was. - And that's where the laughing's coming from. - That's where the laughing's coming from. - I assume somebody's Scrooge McDucking in there. - All right, well. - I sure hope so. - I wonder if that's the accountant. You think we can just deal with him and take the money? - Well, let's not kill him immediately, all right? Just hold on there, insane clown posse.

You know, I've always wondered, how do magnets work? I thought you invented those. I invented magic, not magnets. It's in-mag-nets. Oh, I thought it was on the same sort of thing. They kind of sound similar. You know, magnets, magic. How do they work? All right, I'll lead the way. Oh, I'll give it. Hehehehe. Hehehehe.

I lead the way towards where I remember the straw bomb to be. Thanks, Rich! You turn the corner and you see that there's no guards in this room as you see the glint of gold.

spread out all over this table are just piles and piles of gold. There's the strong box that you had gotten the gold from Clonk is open and it's still filled to the brim. And you see that there is a vault

or rather a heavily padlocked door behind this table and basically screwed McDucking and like counting the coins and throwing them around is a very, very- - Spitting them up in the air. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is a very, very well-dressed, buttoned up- - Buttoned up.

Yes. A plump looking gerbil. Mother-in-law. Not a gerbil, a shrew. As he seems to be about middle-aged, very well-dressed. Finally. And he's so focused on the gold that...

That he doesn't, that he's a Noosicam man. All right, let's, let's, let me, let me handle this and we won't kill him unless he poses any kind of threat or something like that, all right? Let's just, all right. But I've watched it and I just put it back. Yeah. We'll unleash the monster that ate both babies.

- That's a pretty cool monster name. Just a monster that ate both Peggy's. - Yeah, we'll keep that in our back pocket. I'm sure we can use that for something. Hey, you! - No! As you see as the shrew looks at you and that he's wearing like a tie that's too tight around his neck and he's kind of bulging out of it a little bit and he looks at you and his eyes are wide and says, "How do you get past the guards?"

- We are the gods now. - Oh, well then guard me. - From ourselves? - Government accountant, Reynolds, tells you to get out of here. - That's not gonna work, friend. - It's a little name tag. - It literally is a name tag, it says Reynolds. - Government accountant Reynolds, that's your name? - Yes.

It is! Well, listen here, government accountant Reynolds. No one gives me any respect, and now that the mark, that the, uh, what the fuck is her name? Uh, the viceroy is dead, and Reynolds now is in charge of all of the taxes. The what? All of the, all of the gold. It isn't taxes, it's just...

- Listen here, we've come to take what's ours and not anymore, mostly because after we're carrying 5,000 gold pieces, it's gonna be hard to carry anything else other than that. But we're gonna take those 5,000 gold pieces and you're not gonna stop us because they're rightfully ours. - Don't you care about the sanctity of a government bureaucrat's title? - I can't think of a single thing on this planet that I think of was lower than dirt,

- Don't hurt me, but please don't take my gold. No one gives me any respect, but now they will. I just wanted to be respected and have gold. - This doesn't have to come down to blood, but if it does, my friend Grumly here will rip you in two.

Peggy will reduce you to nothing but atoms That's Peggy And Hazel will probably chew on your bones Because she's this weird glutton I'm kind of hungry She's a weird glutton So this doesn't have to be bad We just want the 5,000 gold pieces And we'll be on our way

Where? I don't want to give up the gold. Well, I guess I can. I guess I... You're right.

"Old Renald doesn't need any of this gold and Renald never gets any respect." And he starts walking closer to you. "I need to make a dexterity saving for all of you." As he reaches into his pocket and throws sand at you. - Oh, shit! - Renald pockets it! - Son of a bitch! Dexterity saving for any sand? - Yep, yep. - Oh no. - 20.

Okay, you're able to dodge. 17. 17? Okay, that's enough. Uh, well no, so we're all within 10 feet, right? Yeah. Everyone adds an extra +4. Oh, then I get a 21. 24. Uh, 19. 22. The sand just flutters down around us and we don't move, we don't even flinch. Yeah, he chucks it and you don't even have to move, and you see he throws sand and then a little comment is falling on the ground.

- What the hell was that? - I know that was not a good decision for you, friend. - Oh, Reynolds' true singing voice. - And he just runs out of the room carrying a handful of gold. - All right, fine. He's not worth our trouble. Let him go. Let us just-- let's grab as much gold as we can and get the hell out of here.

Alright, we gotta get out of Dodge. This whole clearing's going to hell. We're morally obligated to take as much as we can physically carry. Yeah, that's exactly right. I'm just waiting for the god of this world to tell us how much my little raccoon arms can carry. That whole interaction made me a little bit sad. He was pretty pathetic. Well, you still have plenty of gold to come back to once we're done.

Yeah. I just didn't even have to run, you know? I light a match. Peggy, no! Just hold it. Come, Peggy, no! What are you imploring, Peggy? What are you going to do with that match, Peggy? I'm going to light a fire. No, Peggy. Peggy, no! I know, I think all the England peasants have that covered. I'm going to help to get it started here so he has nothing to come back to.

You try and throw sand in my face when I'm wearing a bloody clown mask. I was going to stick to the clown mask. Really? Me, me, me, me, me. And then you have the audacity to sing that song when you run past me. Me. Ow, ow, burn my fucking fingers. I've got to light another match.

You need one point of fire damage. I will, I will. I'm gonna start taking... Just filling my pack in my pocket with as much gold as I can. That's reasonable. Yeah, I'll say...

- I'll say you're easily able to carry amongst you 10,000 gold pieces. - You know what, I'm gonna take two points of fire damage because I'll let the second one burn my finger too. - Okay. - That's very good of you, Peggy. - Are we doing, or should I track like, I just let Booker track the money. - Oh, that's terrible. I don't wanna be involved with that at all. That sounds like the worst, okay. - You should hire Count Reynolds.

- We officially have 10,000 gold pieces. - That's government accountant Reynolds. - It's all evenly split amongst all of us. - Government accountant Reynolds is joining the rebels. - No, he doesn't. You don't know where government accountant Reynolds has gone off to. - Can we come? - As it sounds like the bells are ringing, his order is starting to be restored.

Oh, God. I'm going to miss you. Fine, fine. We have to get out of here anyway. Let's go past the honey. Let's get to the edge of the clearing. Then we're going to decide where we're going. We can't stay here. We've got to find another clearing. I swear, if all I get out of this is 2,000 gold pieces and I don't get a drop of honey, I'm going to...

I take my halberd and just dig it through the nearest rainbow and just kind of... Easy, quick, get away! There's like a door right next to it. Let's go! Go thinking! I'll use the door instead. I'll be like bleeding. You're like that...

that tick-tock of the pug that gets stuck in the doggy door. The window's actually considerably narrower than you can fit through. Probably. What are you doing? You're wasting time. I'm doing a quick escape. There's another glass shard. I'm going to pull you out. Are you stuck? It's in my beer clogs. I'm going to hop around. I'm going to help bugger. I'm going to try to pull Gurley out of the house.

And a girl rolled through the door and pushed it from the other side. In true Winnie the Pooh fashion, which is now, come after me, mouse, you can't do shit. Uh,

- In true Winnie the Pooh fashion, you heave and you pull and you pull and finally with a pop, Grumly's pulled out of the window. - Oh bother. - That was a good try. - All right, to the apiary and then to the edge of the forest.

And I'm like dragging you like a little kid at Disney trying to get to the ride. I can't say that. Oh, I'm sorry. She missed me. There's a giant mouse. What did you just fucking say? The old cat of mine. Please, make a Mickey Mouse. You get my name out of your fucking mouth, scum. No!

Dangerous territory, we're trying to invite you. They got their hands full, we're fine. They got the attorneys all ready on the leashes. It's parody, it's parody. God, good lord.

Oh my god. Please make this the next TikTok. Do I see you infringing on my fucking property? Oh no, he owns the tax house. He's a bloody bat. Oh my god.

- Jesus! - You don't actually see that. - He's saving that for the BP. - Yeah, right? - We run to the apiary to see if we can salvage any of his honey for poor Hazel.

So you make your way to the Queen's Apiary. And so you know that this is a very, or at least it was heavily fortified, almost like a fortress of garden hedges. And you had heard lots of buzzing and you can just smell the honey in the air as it is. You can tell that's incredibly sweet. Is honey flammable? I don't know. Don't you dare. It's made of sugar.

I mean, it would caramelize, right? I was thinking the first thing I thought of is that if there was a lot of fire and smoke in the air, the bees would probably be taking a nap. Oh. That's how they like, you smoke the hives before you go in and harvest the honey. I love that. Yeah. I tried to make it less gruesome, like all the bees are dead. Honey is not flammable, but it does catch fire easily.

Idiot. Thank you, WikiHow. From Firefighter Insider. Do you guys ever think that, like, trees, they're not that flammable. They catch on fire easy. That's pretty crazy. Oh, man. I mean, does that mean that we're not flammable? Mm-hmm.

Like, does that mean that like, I do catch on fire easily, but I'm flame proof? There's an old woodchuck and he's smoking something. He's smoking a pipe. And he says, hey man, you ever notice how honey isn't flammable, but it catches on fire easily? Who are you? I hope his name is Tyler. Hey!

- There's loafing here with the town in chaos? - Yeah, no, my name is Xyler. - Xyler. - It could be. - That's a pretty interesting name. - But then Alexa answers from Amazon, "Pure honey is flammable due to having no water content.

This is a good way to test if you're buying pure honey or fake honey. I'm going to go light all our honey on fire. Don't you dare. Isn't that why you need like a candy thermometer? Because if it gets too hot, it can't light the whole thing. Well, I don't know because the firefighters are telling me that honey is not technically flammable, but it does catch fire easily. That guy sounds like a big dumb idiot. He inhales very deeply and he says, Alexa, this is so sad. Play Despacito. Laughter

Then he just starts singing dead. Oh, Booker. You see a shrew that come out and say, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Go away, Reynolds. It's Alexa. No, I

I'm Reynolds' twin sister. Alexa! Alexa! Alexa, what's the weather today? I'm fine! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. She runs away. Alexa, is honey flammable? No.

- We're probably setting off people. - Alexa, drain bank account into legends of a Vantress vault. - Alexa, order a 55 gallon drum of water-based lubricant. - Or my personal favorite, Alexa, play fart noises.

It's actually pretty good. It's really good. There'd be like a slight pause and then she's like... That was a wet one. It's really fucking wet. Sorry, Polly. Do you need anything else? Well, thank you, Alexa. And you make your way up to the apiary and you see that there are lots of plump, very large honeybees that through the smoke...

as it is wafting through the air are on the ground and they seem a little drowsy. As it seems to be, and it had once been heavily guarded with large towers of trees built all around this place. You can hear a very slight buzzing, but it seems as if the, many of the guards have been drawn elsewhere. - Oh my gosh.

- I stole a bee stool. I'm so excited. - Well, make it quick. We don't have all the time in the world here. - I just kind of tiptoe through the bees and find my way. - Make a perception check for me. - Uh-oh. - It is advantage. - Uh-oh. - Tonight.

An eight? Yeah. Okay, yeah. So you actually see that there's a large, it almost looks like a cartoonish yellow hive and it's dripping with this shimmering orangey gold honey. It looks like a precious metal as it's like the, it's like in Winnie the Pooh. You hear, "Ha ha, what the fuck?"

- What did I fucking say? - Stop dropping my titles. - As it's dripping down like from the Winnie the Pooh scene where he gets into the tree and it's just a beautiful treasure trove and it smells absolutely divine. - Golly, it smells divine.

Do you have any like vessels to use? Surely you have some sort of a pot that you can put honey in. Like a honey pot. Do I have a pot? I don't know. Hazel, what's wrong with your face? You've got like eight million jars. I would say you have a very round plump, this is honey, H-U-N-N-Y on it. Honey. Are there bees in here? Um,

- You don't see any bees immediately. Hazel's in the lead here. - Okay. - Yeah, there were some that have been crawling around in the sleep delay. - I twitched as Hazel gets $2. - $2? - You're a hungry girl. - Yeah, so I would pull out my honey pot from, 'cause I had stolen honey from something else too. So like my empty pot that I had from that, 'cause I think I gave the rest of that to Benji. I would take that out.

I would take like, I'd dump out my water sack and like prepare to fill that with honey. I'd be like getting my pockets ready for honey. Like anything that I can put honey into.

- Yeah. - When you leave the apiary, you're just gonna be like. - Basically, yeah. And as I'm trying to fill this, I would like scoop some, one for you and one for me, and scoop some into my mouth and into the pot and into my pocket and into my mouth and like. - Yeah. So you see Hazel dive in and she's scooping up the honey.

In this strange space, there's kind of a strange echoing as you can hear the sound moves weirdly, bouncing off of this thick, gooping honey. That is a very thick consistency. And the three of you can see, it happens in a lightning, in a flash.

as a massive stinger descends from above Hazel and pierces into her back. - Oh! - As huge insectoid legs, as a colossal monstrous bee, perhaps the queen, descends guarding her honey as Hazel begins to get carried off, and you never know for an issue. - Oh, fuck. -

As you're gonna take some damage. Holy shit. Wow. Does Grumly step on a bee? Does Grumly step on a bee? Does Grumly step on a bee? Oh gosh, I stepped on a bee.

You said, well, there's actually, probably the smallest being is this, and it just completely goes through the armor. Thank you for that. I finally rolled, like, absolute trash. It's seven. And Hazel, you're gonna do some piercing and poison damage. I'm going to the end. That's gross. What a great question. I just wanted some honey. 23 points of damage total, piercing and poison. And it causes a saving throw.

23. Yeah. Oh, my dex is plus zero. 21. Okay, so you were not poisoned. That's good news. Yeah. Thanks. This is in combat. Ouch! Something about this one is... Oh, I think you know the one. What is it? Ba-da-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da.

Oh, yeah, why not? Right? Yeah. God fucking what? Do you know how little that narrows it down? He knows exactly what I mean. Because you're twins. Twin brain strikes again. It's that Muse song, basically. Muse song? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. No. No. I mean, we really don't. Still don't. It's a little bit pretty intense. 20 to 25.

- Not me. - You'd like that, wouldn't you? - 15 to 20? - I got a 15. - Okay. So 14 is Peggy, then Booker, then Grumly. And then we're gonna see where the queen bee goes. She goes, okay. She's enemy two, why not? As...

- Or should we do minis or theater of the mind? - Let's do theater of the mind. Let's do theater of the mind for this. As there's a huge bee that is bigger than any of the insects, the gigantic insects that you've seen in the woodland.

as it carries Hazel off into this hive, it's filled with a network of honeycombs. As she's doing that, Hazel, you go first though, however. - Oh my God. - So I am in the air. - You're in the air being carried off by this monstrous bee, these huge mandibles and spikes are all over it. - Am I like stabbed through or did he just stab me and then pick me up? Like, am I restrained? Like what? Or am I? - You're grappled, you're grappled. - Grappled, okay.

- I would take my scout stick and presumably I'm underneath it, but I would jam it up into the belly of the big. - Okay, roll for attack. - Oh boy, it's 16. - 16 hits. - 12.

12 points of damage as you stab in and it cracks through the chitinous armor as it spills bug guts and lets out this angry buzzing. As you see that this thing has six or three pairs of wings and it's buzzing violently, it's covered in spikes. Help me! And you actually get grazed, you stab up one of its spiked armor, pierces you for four points of piercing damage. Nice. Oh fuck!

- Oh, and with that, it is going, you see as it's flying, carrying Hazel away like prey, it is going to look down at the three of you and you see honey well up in its mandibles and it bursts all down towards you. I need you all to make a dexterity saving throw.

Trying to dodge a honey glob. - Add a four. - I crushed it. - 20. - I got a 26. - 18. - 18, you all crush it as you are not restrained and blinded. - Holy shit. - Thank God. - As you are not encased in honeys, you're all able to dodge out of the way. It's almost like a tidal wave of honey that bursts and erupts around us. Okay, that is her turn. Peggy, you're up.

Oh shit, I thought that was a lair action. Okay, what can I do? I am going to-- - I'm gonna make something as I go, there's no lair actions. - I am going to acid splash this piar. I'm gonna reach into my pouch and I'm gonna pull out some like disgusting popping like acid swamp water and I'm just gonna chuck it. - I thought it was from your--

- Oh yeah, my super croaker. I pull out of my bag, I pop on this little tube of the vial and I pump my super croaker and I spray her in the face with it. - Oh, thank you for the twisted thread! - Thank you! - Thank you, thank you. - Happy new! - And it's a dexterity saving throw.

- Natural one. - That's pretty good. - Six plus four, so 10 points of acid damage. - Okay. As Peggy pumps and pumps and pumps and then as it flies up, it hits her shell, her armor rather, as it singes away and you see this flesh underneath.

With that, it is Booker's turn. I'm going to see that my good friend Hazel is in trouble, and I'm going to sing a little tune for her because I'm worried that she's going to be toast here. And I am...

Did you say honey? And we use Healing Word, a third-blood for 3D4 plus 5 healing. I love that.

- That's amazing. - Gotta give it up. - Thank you. - Not great, that's gonna be 11 points of healing. - I mean, where I'm at, I will take it. - You hear this and you feel very inspired and it's very sweet and you feel like you can hold on longer. As hit points not represent just your physical health, it represents a totality of your mental, physical and all other attributes.

- Well, thank you for that. - Is this in the DMG? - Wow. - Okay, wonderful. - You're on page 245. - Yeah. - Thank you. - And that's my turn. - Okay. With that, I believe it is Gremlin's turn. - How far away is this bee? - Far enough that you can attempt to, the one that you stepped on? - No, no, the big one. - I would say you could probably attempt to make a jump at it to get to it.

- Is it holding Hazel? - Yes, it's carrying it off to a large layer. - Is it within 60 feet? - Yes. - Aye, aye you big B, drop! - And I'm gonna use command. And it needs to make a wisdom saving throw. - 15. - Okay, I would say that you're able to do that, but how are you going to justify it in this world?

- I, well basically yelling at it and startling it so much as I bark drop, might startle it or if I need to do something physical, I guess I would like, I don't know, if I could like jump and grab the stinger and like shake it. - I would say you leap forward into the air, 60 feet, you've never seen such dexterity from Grumly before. As he grabs on and just how, this is a massive beat, but Grumly is a chunky boy.

- And suddenly, rolling a natural three, this bee is trying to shake Grumly and spins around and you see as it's too much weight and you all collapse to the ground as the bee crashes down. You both make dexterity saving throws. - Oh no, you can add four. - Oh, that was a...

- 11. - Hold on. - DC's 15. - So you're gonna take half of this. Half of 14 points of bludgeoning damage. And if you fail, the queen bee is on top of you. Oh, and you're gonna take additional piercing damage. - So she failed? - Yeah, she did. - She failed, but. - Six points piercing damage. - Me? - Yeah. - Oh, I got stepped on by a bee!

- With that, Hazel, you've been released from this bee as it is full and it is on the ground, thanks to Grumly's weight. - What was the, it was seven points, half a 14? - Yeah. - It made me bee. I wish I could flee. Sorry. Okay, so it's on the ground, we're on the ground.

- Sorry. - There's honey all around. - Show me my actions. What's it doing? Frozed. - Oh, is it froze? - Dagnet. - You could whack it with your stick. - It's really grumpy at me right now. Okay. I am going to take steady aim at this bee that has just hurt me. And I am going to...

That's a bonus action. And then I'm going to whack it with my scout stick. - Okay. - So that will give me advantage. - Rip. - Natural 20. - Oh baby. - Sneak attack damage. - That's huge. - Oh baby. - That's freaking massive. - Okay, so that's 1d8 and an extra 3d6. Do I double the 3d6? - Double all of that. - Okay. - So 3d8 and 6d6. - Jesus. - Plus five? - Can I have 2d6? - Yeah.

- 18. - Jesus. - 24, 29, 36. - That's pretty massive. - Plus five.

- 41. - 41 damage. - You walk over to it and it's on top of Grum, it stepped on a pug. - I stepped on a pug. - And it collapses on top of Grumly. Her spikes impaling your friend and you run up. It's weak spot like a boss, a video game boss exposed. And it's flashing red, the angry honeybee.

- Looks like all of the rain, there's like orange smoke coming out of the weed spot. - Yeah, and you stab into it and it explodes into this ichor. It's looking very rough. Its cracks are spreading all over its shell as it's buzzing angrily at you. - Peggy, you're up. - Oh, I'm up. I thought it was the enemy's turn. - Oh, it is the enemy's turn, you're right.

With that, it's going to use its, it's going to get up. Wait, is commanded? Does it want to do anything? How does that work? Let me see how long it lasts. Technically, it does all of that on its turn. Okay, so yeah, whatever. So yeah, basically, it passes its turn. Okay, it's going to get up, and it is going to angrily, um, uh,

take its stinger and stab towards Hazel, who has just stabbed it. 22 to hit. - I'm going to use my reaction and cast Silvery Barbs. - Oh. - I'm going to open my mouth and you're gonna see King George fly out as I stare at this bee. One bee flying out of the mouth of a frog. And as my eyes go lopsided, I'm gonna stick my tongue out and pull King George back into my mouth and say, "You could be next."

And that distracts them long enough that they must reroll the d20 and use lower roll. - Yep. - Does it 15 hit? - It does not. - I then choose a different creature I can see within range. The chosen creature's advantage on their next attack roll, ability check or saving throw makes within one minute.

And that is gonna be Booker. - Oh boy. All right. - And with that, the stinger's going to miss as she's very distracted. She's going .

She stabs into the ground and with that, she's going to attempt to grab Grumly with her claws and carry him away. - Oh boy. - Natural 20. - I made it into a Christmas tree. - Well, I also have silvery barbs. - Do it! - Fuck you, do it! - I'm gonna use my reaction to catch the silvery barbs as I'm still playing my instrument.

Excuse me. Sorry. I'm a little nervous. Me, me, me, me. Me, me, me. Get up, my girl. You slept too late, honey. Honey. Get up, my girl. You slept too late.

Get him, my girl, you slept too late. The crawdad man don't pass your gate. Honey sugar, baby mine. And I will cast Silvery Barbs. They will have to re-roll the d20 and use the lower roll.

- That's natural one. - Yay! - I'm using a Twisted Dread. - All right, that's totally fair. - I know that face. - It's natural four. - Mmm, love that. - Oh, what's the plus in my tea?

12. No. Close, buddy. Close. Okay. And you get to choose someone to give the advantage thing to. I'm just going to give you inspiration anyway. You can give it to Grumly. All right. I'll give it to Grumly. Grumly can use it because he gives it after me. That was so nice. Peggy, you're up.

- Perfect. - Guys, it misses, and I guess it's still angrily trying to defend its honey. - So I'm gonna pump my Super Croaker. - I didn't see that, I didn't see that. - I'm gonna pump my Super Croaker, and I'm gonna acid splash it in the face. - Okay. - Dexterity save. - 14. - Misses. Fails.

- 10 points. - 10 points. As it's another blast of acid hits it and it's looking rough as you are just burst after burst of the super croaker. With that, it's Booker's turn. - I'm still playing. - Okay. ♪ Whatcha gonna do when the lake runs dry, baby ♪ ♪ Whatcha gonna do when the lake runs dry ♪

♪ Baby ♪ ♪ Whatcha gonna do when the lake runs dry ♪ ♪ Sit on the bank and watch the crawdads die ♪ ♪ Honey ♪ ♪ Sugar baby mom ♪ And I'm gonna cast Dissonant Whispers at a second level. ♪ Honey ♪ So I need a wisdom saving throw from this Queen Bee.

- Okay, natural five, it fails. - I love this. I love having an instrument. - They're gonna take nine, 15 points of damage. - How you wanna do this? - If the bee, well, if the bee could understand my banjo playing, they would become with an overwhelming sense of grief knowing that their only source of livelihood

The crawdad hole has dried up and all the crawdads have died and it causes them such anguish that they too just died. You see a look of existential horror wash over the queen bee as she looks around and sees the honey and she's scooping up and you see the bee that Grumly has stepped on.

And she scoops it up in her claws, her horrible faceted eyes looking at her crushed bee and all of the sleeping bees and her honey, completely unguarded now, absolute pandemonium. And it reminds her of a song about crawdads, and the dead crawdads is a symbology for all of her dead hive.

And the horror and heartbreak from such a terrible realization from the onslaught that you've done to her, you just see the, you hear a sad buzz and then just collapse on the ground and dies. - I can't believe that worked. - I was afraid it'd be beautiful. - Well, it's gonna be kind of depressing at the end of it.

That's kinda life in the dim one, right? It's a little depressing at the end. Yeah, I guess that's true. Are you alright? Is everyone alright? Ow! I got a lot of blood mixing into this honey, but it still tastes really good. Oh, Hazel, ah. Now I just have two stabs in me liver.

Oh, God. All right. Everybody just, just, no. Well, you know, at least you've got two livers, so. That's true. Oh, I do? Yeah, so we could just take that one out completely and you would be fine running on the second liver. Oh, well, you know how to do that, Sudri? Sure. Oh, well, yeah, let's do it. I will, while they're having this conversation, I will continue to play a little tune, uh,

- Just to keep things going and cast a mass healing word at a third level. - Oh my god. - You all feel very inspired and you steel yourselves. - Nine points of healing for everybody in the room. - Oh my god, I needed it. I too needed it. I just got stuck nine points in. - The queen bee dies and all of the sentry bees and soldier bees that were coming to its aid have also thought about the crawdad hole drying up.

And how pointless this apiary is now, that there is no queen bee. How can there be queen honey? Perhaps the entire supply, perhaps all of the entire economy of Click Clock Crossing, perhaps may go down.

You don't know. Who's to say? As they all fly away and you're able to gather as much honey, a little bit of blood and gore mixed in there. I'm covered head to toe in honey at this point. I just slathered my entire self in it. And I read, I am your queen now!

- And I'm just like on a sugar high from how much honey I've eaten. - Oh my God, I was gonna ask you if this was all worth it, but it appears that it has been. We almost died for this honey. - Honey has a dimer crease! I feel great! - Hazel, I have a question for ya. - Yeah? - Have you ever eaten the bleemis off of a pudding?

- By sheer odds, I guess probably, but I don't know that I can recall. - You know when you leave your pudding out for an hour or so without refrigeration? Oh no, you probably wouldn't. You know when someone else leaves their pudding out for an hour or so without refrigeration and then you find it and it's got that skin on top of it? That's called the bleemis. - Booker vomits. Booker actually just vomits. - Hell yeah.

- All the day's activities catch up to him hearing the word blemus and being described by Peggy. Booker moments. - And it's not Nestor's cooking. - No, no, it's just the stress of the day and hearing about the blemus. - Have you eaten that before? - Yeah, sure. - Do you like the way it tastes?

I wouldn't kick it out of bed. Alright. That's all. I was just curious. Do you have any pudding? No. I could get naked though. I won't stop you.

We really need to be getting going. Did you get any of honey? Did you try it? No, I don't want any more. I don't want any more honey ever again. I finish just filling anything that I can find. Yeah, you fill, everything is sticky. Stuffed to the gilded line. Yeah, your cheeks are just filled. Out to here. Yeah, it's, it's.

It's one of those things like how honey is like so hard to wash off. It's going to be in your fur for weeks. I hope to be just like fully encased like a Jurassic Park mosquito. Instead of amber, it's just honey. Yeah, it's like tall for when she has that like armor suit, except it's hazel and honey. And I would like to fill a jar with honey and keep it all in person. I'm going to like lean down and like try to lick it, but I'm actually going to get like my snout in it. And then just like for the next three hours, I'm just going to be like...

I'm just trying to get it off my tongue. It's so sticky, I just can't get it. I'm just like, that's really bad. I can't get it off. Oh, this is so unpleasant. The best thing about honey is it just sticks around for you. So whenever you're ready, you can get it eventually. You know what's also really great about us taking this honey is it's probably going to be worth more than gold soon.

And when the economy collapses? Well, I was thinking more along the lines of while the Queen Bee was alive, she could continue to produce the Queen's honey. But now that she's dead, what's here is all that's remaining. Oh, God. A finite supply. Yes. And huge demand. What have we done? So that means that we are going to have quite the fortune on our hands eventually. Well, this is unfortunate. I don't know why this went this way.

I didn't even... This is finite. I can't ration this. You're gonna have to, you don't have a choice. I can't do it! I've already eaten like... more than I should have! Your eyes are really bloodshot. I'm like, my pupils are like this big. This is extremely dilated. I'm so... I mean... Your feet are swollen. No, go! My feet!

Maybe they'll find a new queen? Is that how bees work? Maybe. I don't know. I can't say that I've ever had an experience. This bee could have had a specific type of... How do bees make honey? Is it like pee or something? I think it's vomit. I've never really thought about it. Yeah, but what if this particular queen was the only one that vomited this sweet of honey?

And so even if they find a new queen to make more honey, it won't ever taste like this will. This is simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I mean, I guess a relatively unceremonious murder of this majestic ancient creature. How are you feeling? You stepped on a bee. Oh, I did? Well, yeah, and then I got stepped on by a bee.

But Booker sang to me and it was very nice until the end. It was nice. It was sort of like, you know how sometimes being sad is kind of nice too? Anyway, I feel a little rejuvenated from the old banjo playing. Glad I could help, I guess. We really need to get moving. Save that honey. Don't eat it all in one go. Do the best you can and we got to get out of here.

I'm just like licking random parts of me that have honey on it. So what's our plan? Where are we going to go now? The city's burning behind us. We've stolen all of the gold. We've destroyed their...

the queen bee that made the honey, we've killed the leader and we've started a revolution that's now heading out into the forest to completely destroy all life within. So what are we gonna do? Is there like a fun place we can go gamble or something? - Well, this really went pear shaped. Yeah, I'm with you. - Can't we say it all together like that? - They wanted us to go to Sticker Brush, which is south. So I say we go as north as possible. - We gave all of those rabbit children a drunk duck father. So that's a lot of damage.

Yeah, yes, I guess so. I don't know. I mean, they wanted us to go to Sticker Brush, but I don't necessarily want to get wrapped up in that. So where do we go next then? Oh, and we gave them a weapon of mass destruction, a gigantic bear. Yeah, well, we definitely couldn't have killed the bear even if we wanted to, so. That's true. It's kind of the best serenaria, I suppose. The only thing I'm worried about is that eventually Inspector Jarvis is going to have our faces.

on posters in every clearing controlled by the Marquis' arm. Well, maybe we can go somewhere that doesn't have that. Well, why don't we go to those clearings first and put up posters with his face on them? Got him! Well, I haven't known Starlet before. I don't know. Wow, you really are smart. No wonder you invented magic. Oh, we could blame the Viceroy's death on him. We could, yeah. He turned sides and murdered her.

And then Marcus Art will be like, "Maybe on next. We better kill him." I mean, that's not a terrible plan. I don't know how many people would actually believe it, but it would certainly sow some more discord as we walked around. And as we now realize, we really enjoyed doing that. Yeah. This is extremely destructive. We are the agents of chaos. Yeah. You know, it does kind of seem that way. We could call ourselves that.

- Call ourselves what? - The Agents of Chaos. - Oh, that's not very pleasant. - Kai, who are you? Well, my name's Peggy and I'm an Agent of Chaos. - I preferred the Foggy Bottom Band or whatever we were. - That's a long time ago, girl. - It was a long time ago. - Well, I'm a Froggy Bottomed. - He sure are. - I know.

You want to see it? If you would just put your clothes back on. No. We've all seen it plenty of times. You can put my clothes back on. You never do. She's got a point. Hard to argue that one. Never thought of it that way.

Can we take a look at the map? Because I can't even remember what our options are. Let's pull out a map here. You're right. Where are we? So, we really shouldn't go over to New Felicia. It sounds like the worst possible idea. We might get recognised. We're becoming infamous, you know. That's pretty cool when you think about it. We could go down to Nookington. That's where I'm from.

You could go home, but it is controlled by, I guess everything's controlled by the Marquis. You've got to ride Bear and Falls to get as far away as possible from Nestor and all the rest of the crazy loons. I mean, that girl, Ginger, really wanted us to go to Stickerbrush. I just, I don't know if that's what we want to get roped up in.

I mean, it might not be a bad idea to at least lay low for a little bit, you know, let the whole Inspector Jarvis thing kind of blow over. And it might be a good idea to start doing some recon to see what's going on with the Woodland Alliance. Because I was thinking initially, like, you know, they're taxing people, they're stealing innocents and killing people. So obviously, like, nothing good's going on here. But then they're talking about burning down all of the forests.

There's something nefarious going on with them too. And the only way to find that out is to go to their home, burn it to the ground and take no prisoners. Um, well, I don't know if we have to go that far. Is there any option where we don't have to burn something down? Yeah, we could just go and ask questions. Oh, that sounds fine. We could start a call. I know that Bitsy would really like that.

Let's see what I want. We have a couple options. I mean, if we want to start heading south, we could go to Nookington and, you know, maybe see Hazel's family. Has it been a long time since you've been home? I probably know in character how long, since we've been traveling together for a few years. I probably do too. So, yeah. Oh, wow, that's a, that's a determining amount of time. I probably have not been home in, in, oh, I don't know. How long, I don't know. How long have I been?

I would say it's been like days. Like probably a couple months. Yeah. A couple months. I haven't been home in a while. We could go see my family and tell them to, you know, rise up and head to the forest or don't. I mean, we don't want to put them in danger, right?

No. As long as you don't think that this would cause them any harm. There's like so many of them that they're practically a little army in their own right. So I do have one question and correct me if I'm crazy and this is just totally out of hand, but do we know if the Otters operate in this clearing? Sorry to bring that up if it's a sensitive subject. You do. You saw Riverfolk Company outpost at Right on the River.

In ClickHawk? In ClickHawk, yeah. In ClickHawk. So, theoretically, if I'll take a look at this map that I have conveniently, we could, you know, take a barge down, and you said you wanted to gamble, maybe we can stop by the casino or on our way through Muckbat Creek, and then we ride by Sticker Brush. That might be the fastest, most direct route as well. And the safest, perhaps. And we don't have to go through the woods. Yeah. We've been in the woods a lot. I mean, we have a little money to burn now. We could...

Certainly afford it. And we can swing by Peggy's old workshop! Yeah! Do you have any interest in that? Burn that place to the ground. Oh. You're really in a burning mood. You invented magic, probably. It was one of my first uses of fireballs. Do you have like a pocket watch with it on the inside? You carved a date that you burn it down? And just always remember, you know, like, "Oh, this was the day I invented magic."

I lost my left nipple that day. - Oh, that is serious. Holy crap. - Do frogs even have nipples? - Oh yeah, I have a watch right here. It says "Last Thursday." Never forget last Thursday. - It's from Big Cluckers. They don't have that. It's gone. I didn't see Big Clucker at all. I got all the stationery of all the names that weren't Bitsy.

- That's pretty good. - All right, my vote is taking a vote. Unless you really want to see your family, I just think, you know, maybe not mixing them up and all this might be better off. - That's fair. And if I go home, they're gonna want some of this honey. My little brothers and sisters, they always want the honey. - We should just kill them.

Well, I just didn't want to have to share it. We don't have to kill them. Oh right, we just don't have to give them any of the honey then. They're just really, you know, sort of gluttons is what they are. We should kill them. It's really a terrible trait that I've tried to guide them out of. It's true. And the only thing to do about a glutton is to kill it. You're really scaring me. The punishment for gluttony is death. Oh, that seems severe.

It's an unfortunate thing. Yeah, we should go to Nookington and kill Hazel's family. I don't want to go. I want to go on a boat.

We're not going to go kill anyone's family. I think they moved, actually. We're just going to take the boat as far south as we can go. You know, to be fair, I don't even know if the yachts will take us. We will be crossing through different faction territories, you know, and then ultimately they may not even take us into Stickerverse, but if they take us as far as we can get, then that's good enough for me. Well, it'd be nice because we know they're pretty neutral, right? So, like, if we ever get... And you know them. Oh, not all of them.

- Well, I don't know all the others, but you know how it is. - You know like how they operate. - Are they gonna make us eat those disgusting clam sandwiches again? - Oh, then those are the best part. That's the whole reason we talked to the others. - I'm pretty sure the clam sandwich I had had old clams in it. - Well, you know, I had a pretty good clam strip through big ones.

I mean, I don't know, it's fine. - A clam and cheese sandwich was what I had. - Oh. - That sounds a little gross. - Yeah, I don't think that's, that's more like a prank sandwich.

I don't think they actually serve that. That's like when you go and they say, oh, it's the local specialty, but they just give it to tourists because it's cheap. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't cheap at all. It was really expensive. Well, you know, I just mean cheap to make. It's like a massive upcharge. Yeah, it's like you freeze pineapple and you whip it up a lot and you put it in a cup and it's basically like free. You know, the worst part about it, it was supposed to come with... What is it?

The worst part about it was that it was supposed to come with a side of French flies, but none of them even said wee wee. That's a travesty. I'm pretty sure they were American fries and all they were crying out for was freedom. We have a lot of French flies up in New Felicia. They're also talking about wee. It's kind of weird.

There are at least 286 flies in the world at any given time and I guarantee you not a single one of them, at least in where the otters are, is a French one. I mean, Hazel could go through 286 French flies in like two seconds. That's true. It's like once you have one, you really... We can't just have one. They'd be extinct. Once you pop, you just can't stop. Yeah. You can pull them out, Reg.

He's like, "Just shut up." So, as you think about your options, you... Cigar Bush is an option. You just were talking about Mukbed Creek and Wartwallow. You know that Rybarrel Falls, there's a lot of work needed, as well as Reckonoiter Ridge.

If you wanted to lay low and try to get a job and earn some coin, you know that Grizzlepaw is the most remote area. A lot of underground places to hide literally, and not nearly as heavily patrolled as it is basically the frontier of the Dimwood. You know, the Nookington obviously has Hazel's family, definitely more heavily patrolled, but there is a bit of an underground in the figurative sense of a smuggling black market situation.

that run through Nookington, and then you know that Muckbed Creek is effectively, it is ruled by the Eyrie, but given how much capital is brought in by the Otters, the Riverfolk Company, the Eyrie basically gives them free rein and helps kind of back up their muscle as those options. So what do we think?

I don't know, Booker, what do you think? Well, again, I mean, either way, taking the river is gonna be the easiest, the fastest, and probably the safest. I don't mind going to check out what's going on down in Sticker Brush, but, you know, if we go down there, there may not be any turning back. We don't know what we're gonna get roped into. I don't know how dangerous Waterwallow is.

- Well, that's where Peggy's from. - Well, I mean, the clearing itself should be perfectly safe provided there's not, you know, some horrible unrest that's happening, you know? I just wanna get as far away from here as we possibly can. - Which direction did they flee? - They were heading southwest towards the direction of where Benji and Josiah was. - So they were in the woods here. - Yeah. - Okay, okay. - And then they were gonna-- - They'll probably find their way down here somehow. - Okay.

It'd be a long trip for them. Yeah, I don't have any interest in just going through the woods. So, I mean, I kind of like the idea of do we lay low in Grizzlepaw and just, you know, see what holds, what, you know, what we can find there or just do we go to Stickerbrush and, you know, and just totally get away from any kind of Marquis-art force. I feel like as much as I would enjoy going to Grizzlepaw, it's only a matter of time before we're probably found out.

I think we gotta get out of Marquis's territory as fast as possible. Let's go south then. Alright, let's talk to the others and see if they'll even take us. That's a good point. They might just say hop on, we're going, where are we going? Alright, well, I'll let you do the talking. I think I saw, um, you know, they had an outpost right down that way, so... Alright, we'll go check it out. We'll go check it out. You make your way through the town. Order is starting to be restored.

whatever kind of looting and all of the members of the Woodland Alliance have made their way into the woods. And order has been almost mostly restored. Although there's much of the town that's, much of the clearing that's still on fire. And there are still some roving bands of looters and people taking advantage of the opportunity.

You arrive at a large building on the river with many docks and many boats tied up. And you see, you hear, there's several long lines as it says, "New prices." - Of course. - "New prices fleeing Clivot Crossing?" New special, new special,

rate 500 gold pieces. Us river robbery. Well, it's not... We can afford it, Dad. What other gold we got? That doesn't mean we should pay it. It's not to be unexpected. They're enterprising people, all right? If they have an opportunity to make the money, they're going to do it. We have the money and we're going to give it. Oh, my self-respecting business person haggles.

Well, we'll see what we can do. We'll see what we can do, all right? But you have to understand, there's a lot of demand here, all right? Not a lot of supply. We need to get out of here first. Yeah, well, tell them that we're not fleeing. Maybe they won't think... You know, if we're fleeing, then it's like we're desperate. But if we're just, like, going on a trip, um, casually, and not in a big hurry... Do you want to be rounded up and hanged? Uh, well...

Oh, I already heard that today. We are a little desperate. I'll do what we can. Double see what we can do. You need to know it. Fine. Okay. I think I'm just... The honey's wearing off and I'm getting a little cranky. You have plenty more. Just keep eating. Oh, how to ration it. If you don't eat it all before we get to Nookington, then your brothers and sisters are going to eat it before they're slaughtered.

No, we're not going anywhere. Aren't they gonna be slaughtered? Never mind then. Jesus, Becky! Great bear in the sky, why would you say that?

Interesting deity to worship. Mike, what are the gods? Well, you know that there is a mysterious cult that worships a dragon god. A great dragon. We know of deer. You know that there's some mystical deer and you can probably have a great bear in the sky. Sure, why not? I imagine the cats worship some sort of

You know, God. I've been referencing God since day one. Yeah. There's some sort of, yeah. Church. Just a pantheon. There's gods. My gods! You know, all that stuff. I try to find someone who looks like they're in charge. Yeah, there's several lines. There's supplies. It's all crazy marked up. I cut the lines. Everything. Excuse me, excuse me. Coming through. We got a very important business. Get out of our way. We're coming through. Look out.

and you see that there's an otter standing and he greets you with a smile and he says, "Welcome to the Riverfolk Company. We have special death of the Viceroy Reitz." - Incredible, thank you. - You're welcome. - Oh, well, okay. - Oh, did you do that? - I know, I know, I know. - You're not taking credit for anything like that yet. - Yeah, we did that, we poisoned him. - Oh my God. - Yep.

Business is booming, so I appreciate it. - You're welcome. Could we get a discount?

Well, no, business is booming because I'm... I know, because we killed her, so... It'd be a shame if someone were to un-kill her. Oh, my God. And I give a menacing stare. Getting out of hand very quickly. You should let Booker do the talking. Too late, I'm done. Good luck. You know what? I can't endorse any kind of assassination. I am not... We are entirely...

apolitical. We are entirely neutral. So if you are with the Woodman Alliance, uh... No, we're not. Then I... We're with your worst nightmare.

when known as the agents of chaos. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. We've had a lot of honey. I haven't had a single bite of honey. The sugar's getting in your head. I stick my finger in a cup of honey in your mouth. We're just simple vagabonds looking for an ex-clearing. Do you see my clothes covered in blood? It's not mine.

Tell him, Booker. I know that this is mine, but... This raccoon knows so many orders. We're your friends. I couldn't even count how many orders he knows. We're heading to Nookington. No, we're not heading to Nookington. The river doesn't go there. I don't know if you know where the river goes. We're going to Wallow and then Muckbeck Creek. We're going to kill my family. Oh, you're going all the way to Muckbeck. Well, that'll be a thousand gold. It means it's each clearing. What in the hell? Per each...

But yeah. Per person? So that'd be 5,000 gold pieces. Because there's a mouse right there too. Oh yeah. What's your name? It's none of your business. Oh, they got that here. They didn't have my name. Here. What the fuck?

- You actually unironically shop at Big Clucker's General Store? That's pathetic. - That's what I said. - So you wanted the fairy service or not? - It would be a shame if your fairy service was filled with a stinking cloud of horrible stench that made it so no matter how desperate someone was, they would be unwilling to ride on your vessel. - That's true. - Can't be worse than the smell of clams.

- Oh. - Try me. - Try me. - Are you trying to extort money out of me? Are they out of the Riverboat Company? - Why is it working? - I'm just simply saying she wasn't there. - Help Megan just-- - Could you give us a second, please? - I collect everyone.

What's going on? So, look, here's the thing. What's the plan? You sound like you might be getting intimidated if we were to roll for it. When I used to work for the Marquisard. Yeah. How long ago was that? We, I don't know, a couple of years. And you were fired, right? Dishonorably discharged, fired, you know, a little different. Semantics. Yeah. We would do clean-ups sometimes, about like, you know, we'd go to a warehouse,

It was, you know, some folks that crossed here, the Riverfolk Company. Yeah. They won't hesitate to cut our throats in an instant. Grumley, so you're saying that the strategy of threatening the mob is not a good one? Oh! No, I thought it was going great. I thought it was going fine. I was going to let it see how this played out. Yeah, I... Not the mob, they're just orders. Are they the mob? What do you think they're the mob? You know we just talked

An honour is never just an honour.

Alright, they can be ruthless and again this is just my experience. Have you ever seen an otter? They roll around on their back and they smack rocks together. That's true, they're like really cute. They're like super cute. So here's the thing, they don't even just- Ain't I a stinker? You didn't say that. They don't even just stick to the river. Sometimes they kind of go out in the clearings and try to sell their goods.

They should stick to the rivers like they're used to. They shouldn't go chasing waterfalls. What does that mean? Oh, river falls? No, they should stick to the rivers and the lakes like they're used to. Don't go chasing waterfalls. I don't understand what it means, but...

Anyway, the point is, as our book has said, we shouldn't be threatening the mob! I don't even know what a mob is. They're very violent, evil people. They eat clam sandwiches and they ride around in a fucking boat. When they're not killing people. What have we been doing for the past 24 hours? Do you not see this frantic look in my eyes? I went from being a magically creating frog to a wanton woman of death and destruction, all right? Do you stop the clown mask on? Yeah.

- It's like everything's slightly muffled. - Yeah. - Peggy's actually got a good point. I think we might be a mom. - I'm cracking here. I'm losing it. - So anyway, why don't we-- - How many people do you need to be

- What do we stay-- - Yeah, exactly. Are we a mob? There are five of us. - It's more about organized-- - Six of us. - You're an agent of chaos. They're more about organized crime. I would say we're anything other than organized. - All right, but what I'm gonna tell you is organized crime can be deduced. It can be sussed out. There's organization to it.

Chaos, you can't plan for it. Chaos comes out of nowhere. Chaos cannot be prepared against. - That's all very good points. - I am shaking.

I just need to get out of here. - So why don't we, hold on, why don't we just share like a little picnic? Everybody but Booker, why don't we all split this sandwich? And I pause. - Are you saying, are you saying? - The bread is like super smushed, like something got like pressed on it. - It's like a muffaletta, the worst kind. - Are you saying you want us to have a teddy bears picnic?

Well Booker goes and talks to those others. I never specify what Booker was gonna do, but I only have enough sandwich for the four of us. Aw, do you have sandwich? So Booker, we're gonna split the sandwich. Wait, are there four or five of us? Because I can't count anymore. Well there are five of us total, but I can only split it four ways because I can only cut the sandwich. Aw, that's so sad. In quarters. Booker can't stay and Bitsy doesn't want any, she told me.

I've been talking this whole time and you've not been listening. Would you like a bite of, would you like a quarter of my, uh, Armour crease sandwich?

Ew. What? Yeah, sure. That's a low even for me. You've had worse. Is it like gas station egg salad? It is. One can only help. It's exactly like gas station egg salad. Is that a cracker? Oh, it's a tomato. Did you get that sandwich from Mr. Cluckers? No, I've had it long before. Big Cluckers.

Is Big Cluckers related to the chain Big Cluckers, Shuckers, and Muckers?

- Where's Muck the Slam? - Aren't they partially owned by the Riverfolk Company? - I'm not sure if there's any relations, but anyway, just take this pizza sandwich. Here you go. And I pass out the sandwich. - Why is the meat green? - I will, I'll walk over to the otter. I'm very sorry about all that. Let's start from the very beginning. My name is Booker and we're looking for safe travels.

Well, my friend. Could he hear all of that? I mean, just for the fun of it. He's very clearly been watching you this whole time. You look over and he's like playing with a rock. Aww. I love that.

He lays on his back, and he punches a clam with a stone on his tummy. And he looks and he says, State Passage, a thousand gold pieces of Bersin, very fair price. All right, all right. Given the circumstances. Or, you know, we can drop you off at Ward Wallow, and you can find your own passage south after that.

- I understand, fair prices, fair prices, but what if we could help you out along the way? Maybe do a little mutually exclusive, mutually beneficial thing here. Cut half off the price, maybe we carry some goods for you along the way. Certainly you must have something that must need smuggled, ferried, delivered. - Sound, you look, he looks at all of you here listening. You all are vagabonds, right?

- That's one word for it, I suppose. - Well, I mean, usually if I see someone as dirty as you guys, that usually means it's a vagabond. - Oh, dirty's a little far. It's more like we're covered in the dust of experience. - I would go as far as to say filthy. - Yeah, no, that's what I would say. I would go that far and a little bit more. You looking to smuggle? What are you, you trying to, you trying to-- - We'll help you out. - You trying to get made? You trying to get a little piece of the clam? - We'll help you out if you shave off half the price.

- I take the sandwich piece that Grimly gave me and shove the whole thing in my mouth so my cheek puffs out really big. - So, I don't know if we're smuggling in here. - I'll hand you my sandwich so you can make it even bigger. - I'm gonna shove it in that cheek. - I'm just gonna sign later! - You know where we gotta go? Certainly there must be some delivery we can do for you. - I think, I mean, Lux, you all are crazy.

- She's especially crazy. I kinda like it. What's your name, sweetheart? - My name's Peggy and I'm single. - She says from behind the clown mask. - You want me to take my clothes off so you can see what I'm packing? I'm gonna leave the mask on though. - Am I gonna learn why they call you Peggy?

- This metronome is just one extreme to the other. Jesus. - I take my clothes off. - You know, buddy, I'm not sure

- We've learned that this was a socially acceptable thing to do on a regular basis. That's what I'm trying to figure out. - Well, to be fair, I mean, you know. - Oh, God. - It's basically a freedom. I kind of respect it. I'm just feeling it was a wrong thing. - It's what I always say. They can put my clothes back on. They never do. - Right now. - Okay, I know a guy who I think, I think I might have a job.

For you, if you want half off, useful, perhaps if we get all the way to Muckbed, then maybe we introduce you to the Don. You do a good job for us, perhaps kiss a ring or two. If you say that you took care of the Viceroy, she's been a thorn in his side for quite a while. Yeah, no problem. Look, this isn't our first time talking to the Otters. We've done a little work before. We'll do it again.

You've worked for the Otters before. Who do you work for? I know a lot of guys down there. Gino. There was a guy named Vinny. Vinny? Oh, yeah, no, I know Vinny. It's been a long time. He's unhinged. They probably wish that we didn't meet at one point, but, you know, look, it's not my first time talking to the Otters, dealing with the Otters. We've done a little bit of this before, all right? That's all I'm saying. We're happy to do it. Okay. But we need priority out of here and half off.

Priority? I can do that. It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Scampi. I really like that name. Thank you. You're welcome. Maybe one day you'll learn why they call me Scampi. Well, you figured out why they call me Peggy and I'm going to slowly put my clothes back on. Okay. You have a deal. And you see he goes underneath the counter.

And he, you see him pull out this strange, almost like a sharp object. It's very knife-like, but it's flat at the end. And he waves it up as if he's going to strike. And then he goes and he shucks six clams. And he hands them all out. No, if you're going to be part of the crew. You guys are basically just a glorified crew. We know the deal. We know the drill. That's pretty cool. Do I have to eat this thing? Oh, yes, you do.

It smells kind of funny. That's the point, that's the joy of it, Peggy. You'll learn to love it! To the Riverfolk Company! To the Riverfolk Company. Yeah! To the Riverfolk! You clink the clamshells together and down the clams.

And he says, "Oh, well actually, perfect timing. We should probably get out of Dodge here." As you hear the loud marching of footsteps coming down from the major road from the north and from the south, as you hear the sounds of Marquis Zot forces reinforcing Click Clock Crossing, you manage to get onto the raft, joining Scampi.

as there are a couple other denizens that are paying for passage. Some are bringing out their life savings, not wanting to stay here any longer, not wanting to brave the roads that can be just as dangerous. So throwing their lot in with the Riverfolk Company heading south. And as the barge pulls away from the dock and you take off into the river, into the night,

the dull glow of the slowly dissipating fires of Qliklok crossing behind you, you see amidst the throng of Marquis Zot's soldiers looking around vengefully and resolutely, you see a hound as Inspector Jarvis is on your trail. - Fuck that guy. - And that's where we'll end the session. - Fuck that guy. - I'm so glad we're not gonna get to-- - Skadoodle skedaddle, it's time to paddle. - Hang out with that guy again.

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