Stardust Rhapsody | Ep. 11 | The Joker
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Welcome to Legends of Adventress. The name's Rhett, and this is my buddy Hank. And you're listening to Stardust Rhapsody. Here's the rewind on what happened last time. I'm going to destroy everyone. We're here for you. We trust you. But just remember who you are. If the fool executes properly, the Archon will show shortly. But we just walked into a trap. What? Dandy and the Archon. I don't know what that means. I think

Your friend may have betrayed us. As the temple itself begins to crackle and pop, as strikes of lightning erupt from inside. Let's get out of here. Large vessel rapidly approaching. Oh, fucking hell. Present to me the Archon. No can do, boss. And erupting from the base of this temple structure, you see ships begin to pour out.

They always want to do this the hard way. The Archon will lead to the expansion of the Saurian. He reaches out with the maw and he points it towards Dandy. The ruby light of the maw begins to resonate with you as your shape begins to change once again. You grow a darkened crown.

A long black cloak of thorns emanates from your shoulders as it stretches off behind you. I came to awaken the Archon of Destruction so that the Saurian race could reclaim the stars. Something drastic's about to happen and I take the hourglass and I rip it open. Two giant dials appear behind me. They're bronze in color, a clock of sorts. You hear

Twelve enormous, almost like hydra heads, cascade towards Dandy as they get there attempting to turn back the sands of time. Time runs out for us all and the red energy snaps back. I look at Kavir. You meddle with powers you do not understand.

But I do. As tendrils of ruby energy erupt from Dandy's form, they meet you as they battle back at you, shattering the dial at your back. The Archon is awoken. And the Prophet and Dandy fly away. Hank! Help! Come get us! We promised her that nothing would happen. I know we promised her, Pike. I know we did. Damn it! You would be the first to see Kabir.

He looks 30 years older than you remember seeing him when he entered the ship. It's a cough of blood, but sand. Kavir, what did you do? I had to try and stop it. Kavir's chest begins to cave in as he is beginning to turn to dust. No. Kavir, don't go. Time runs out for all of us, my friend. Make the most of yours. I've...

I enjoyed every second with you. You're the best. You taught me how to speak. You taught me how about the world. And you disappear into sand. Even the flowers hang their head when it gets dark. Space, the infinite song. It's been said that we're all irreplaceable parts of a grand cosmic melody. But like any great melody, play it long enough and it can turn discordant.

Believing themselves to have saved Azaradun from a Saurian warband, the party took to the skies. It was then they realized that the trap Raesh had warned them of, the trap they thought behind them, had finally revealed its true nature. The Saurians were never going to let them go. What happens next is no fight, but a gruesome show of unshakable commitment to primal savagery.

As the Saurian swarm fly in and detonate their ships, it becomes clear there's nothing they won't sacrifice to claim the Archon, to take Dandi. The crew of the Rhapsody swiftly routed, the Prophet claims his prize. Extending his ruby maw, he reaches out to Dandi and breathes new life into the long dormant Archon gem. She cries out as a terrible power begins to erupt from her.

Kvir, hearing her cry, vows no more. No more death, no more destruction, no more friends will be lost. Shattering his hourglass, he draws upon the unfiltered power of the endless. Mighty sandworms of timeless rage charge forth and envelop Dandi and the Prophet. Kvir fighting desperately to turn back the wheel of time, to undo the change.

The fully awakened power of the Archon is life, however, and life finds a way. Ruby-red lightning shatters the sands of time as what was once Dandy delivers her answer to her friend's desperate act of love. As the Prophet takes Dandy and begins to move on, the remainder of the swarm moves in to finish off the crew.

They prepare for their last stand when suddenly one by one swarm ships erupt into flowers. The final loving act of a lost friend or the Archon's chaotic need to destroy. The crew putters back into the hangar bay. Wrestling Kvir from his ship they see the unthinkable cost of meddling with powers beyond even immortal comprehension.

Aging 40 years and 4 minutes, he knows that his ticking clock is about to strike its final note. As he makes a tear-filled goodbye, he turns to dust floating off into the cosmic winds, mingling with shattered debris, flowers, and tears. Kavir dead, Dandi, once a radiating bastion of unstoppable kindness and positivity, now the herald of the end times.

but it's always the brightest lights that cast the darkest shadows. And even the strongest flowers hang their head when it gets dark. Space. Out here, it is so easy to feel lost and alone. You find yourselves in the hangar bay of the Rhapsody. Red lights blink as a pale glow struggles to illuminate the cold room. Smoke and heat hang in the air as you watch the remnants of your friend fade away into eternity.

As you look at the carnage of what's just taken place, you see the receding engine fire of the Saurians growing smaller in the distance. You know, should you seek to chase them, you're running out of time. Labouche, left in front of you, the simple clothes that Kavir wore. And within them, a strange glinting catches your eye momentarily. On the ground, a simple bronze necklace.

Brown rope secured around a perfectly circular bronze dial of some sort, resembling a crude sundial, but entirely flat. The words, I will miss you most, my friend, land heavy in your ears as you go to pick it up. Do I get a sense that they have ceased their attack and that we are safe? Or I guess I don't even know if Rhett would believe it, but...

I think you would understand that as they were heading away, the Prophet had made mention, leave the rabble for the swarm. And as they closed in on you to finish you off, they exploded into flowers.

I'll reach down and I will pick up the bronze medallion and see the surface. If I turn it over, does it look like a sundial on both sides? Is there anything inscribed on the back as I hold this artifact? There is, as you look at it, you hold it in your hand and you flip it back and forth. On the front, there are runes marked in six spots around it.

Equally spaced out. On the back, another symbol carved, but in a language you don't understand. Does it look like, um...

Sorry for all this out of character stuff. Does it look like Kynthir's ashes or the dust or the sand that he's crumbled into, as if that's like gone out of reach? Or is it kind of just drifting off now into space? If the intention was to like try to collect it.

- At this point, it is definitely begun to float out into space. There's probably little remnants of it left if you wanted to try and collect some of it, but you would not be able to get all of the remains.

I'll take a few steps forward, still nursing my left arm, banged up pretty bad from the space combat that we were in, and I'll take a few steps forward so that I'm closer to the rest of the group, and I'll look to Rhett and I'll say, "Dammit. Dammit, Kvir, what did you do?" We need to get the fuck out of here.

Chuckles, let's fucking go. And I'll sort of with a dour face, I'll look at you and point at you as I just turn and start stomping towards the cockpit. But he's getting away. We have to grab him. He's gone. For now, with all that's left of him. We don't know if they're coming back. We don't know. We're too fucked up to do anything about it. Can't we just try? Rhett's right. We're sitting ducks out here. If they decide to come back,

We're done. Okay. And I will, um, I'll make sure that the, uh, the saucer has basically placed K'vure's ship down in a way where basically the saucer can dock and everything is safe and if we're gonna blast, uh, I'll follow Rhett's command and I look basically out at the, uh, what is it, like the hangar door of the, the, the spaceport built into, um,

into the Rhapsody, as I'll just see the glinting sand drifting off as I'll go to the station, the Honkweave station. I'll walk over to Laboosh, and with my good arm, I'll stick my hand out and say, Come on, Laboosh. I'm not crying. I would be if I had tear ducts.

but I am unarmored and I sort of, you see my large gelatinous form sort of tremble for a moment before the eyes look up at you. A tendril will grab your hand and sort of take an assumption of like a humanoid, but far more blobular and amorphous. Thank you. I'm gonna quietly walk over to where my armor is and start to put myself back together.

And before I would have gone out, any kind of sand that was probably has left the hangar, I would have just let go. But I will have, I'll reach into my hat and use my creation bard feature to pull out some kind of an hourglass.

maybe in the same kind of style that Kvir would have had, obviously not magical and intense, but a very simple hourglass. And I will use my, my hand will detach and I will attempt to float and catch anything that's left in the hangar into this hourglass and then cork it, or then top it with the top of the hourglass and then before I head out to my station. - You're able to produce a very simple,

significantly smaller than what Kibir would have had. Very simple wooden hourglass with glass frame and wood enclosure. You open the top of it, you detach your hand, and you're able to navigate it around the hangar bay, picking up any remnants of his remains that exist still in this space. And it's not a lot. It would take you...

maybe two minutes to get the hourglass about halfway full. As full as you'd expect a normal hourglass as it would sit to be able to move the sands from one section to the other.

And you can begin, you all dock your ships, but it's not easy work. The damage in the hangar from what you've been to is extremely apparent. All of your ships show very brutal scorch marks, explosions. It is particularly solemn work moving the Echo into its docking station.

When I do assist, or perhaps even lift the entire ship and move it into place, I would look into the cockpit and see if I could find the remnants of the hourglass that Kavir shattered. Roll an Investigation check. That's pretty good, bud. Get the fuck out of here. That's for Thursday. Ten. What is that? Ten? Ten. Flat ten.

You don't have tear ducts, but the emotion is palpable as you move into the opening of the Echo. The cockpit thrown back, you explore the pilot seat where Kavir stood when he shattered the hourglass out in space.

You see small cracks of glass. It's hard to tell if that is from the hourglass itself or from just the helm of the cockpit. You do, however, find a small glinting circle of bronze.

Do I recognize this perhaps to be the, like, waist of the hourglass or one of the, like, the top or the bottom? Or is it simply a copper band? You believe that it is a piece of the hourglass. It is difficult for you to tell if it is actually the hourglass itself or what part it would have come from if it is. Okay. Okay.

I will pull it in through my wrist and you'll see it sort of float up my arm before it disappears into my chest cavity as I finish my investigation. Re-fitting the echo into its location, stomping over to my ship, getting it secured, closing the hangar bay doors, just doing everything that I can, sort of zombie-like, walking numbly through the hangar space.

- And you begin to make your way to the cockpit. - I'll be sort of just walking very grimly, you know, maybe 10, 20 feet in front of Chuckles silently. - Your foot falls land like you are angry at the ground as you make your way there. - And I get into the cockpit, a rat-hank.

Get us ready for the Honkweave. And I'm going to sit down and there's gonna be like a little sort of, you know, like these cubbies where I sit. I'm gonna rummage around and you'll hear clinking and rustling. It'll pull out a tube of a glowing purple liquid and I'll stab it into one of my ports, hit the plunger. All right, Shuckles, do your thing.

I'll try. And I'll start preparing to go through the Honkweave. I'll take my usual seat in the couch area that I would typically sit in when we're preparing for Honkweed travel. I'll sit in, I'll secure myself and look over at the edge of the table where I would normally see two feet kicked up. Of course they don't exist anymore, so...

As I'm getting ready, I will, as my hand has reattached with the hourglass, I'll walk over to Laboosh and say, "I think he'd want you to hang onto this." This is the collective stand? Yep. Thank you, Chuckles. I'm gonna do my best, Rhett, but I never thought I'd say this, but now it's not the time for jokes.

We don't have all the fucking time in the world. There could be 300 more Swarm ships on their way right now as soon as they realize that we haven't been wiped out. You understand? But where are we going? Without Dandy's navigation, I don't know where we're gonna end up. We might end up in the middle of a star! Fucking anywhere, Chuckles! I don't care! Anywhere far from here! Somewhere where they can't follow us! Okay. Can you handle that? Uh, I'll try. I'll try.

As I will get in my station, and I think that my, a colorful ball will pull out of my hat, and I'll just toss it to my own hand that'll catch it and throw it to hit the button to plunge me into my strange, my dunk tank, my clown, my bizarre clown dunk tank as I float, and

You won't hear any kind of song or any kind of music, but I will basically just try to focus as I think that what I would do is probably pull out a, from my hat, like a handful of, you know, bizarrely colored brass instruments and play some discordant funeral dirge as that's all my discordant magic can muster at this point.

and as I attempt to access the Honkweed with that same kind of reality warping colorful circus hole that'll open in front of the Rhapsody. - When you call out to Hank, you see that he's not in his traditional spot prepared to navigate, to guide the ship wherever you would like to go. He sits in the seat normally reserved for Dandy.

with a low whine. It's gonna be okay, buddy. It's gonna be okay. He slowly gets up out of the chair and he hops up and plants himself in his classic spot and clicks in as he does his best to plot a course to somewhere else, anywhere, any saved star coordinates that are away from him.

And Chuckles, you are dunk tanked. You throw out your circlet in front of the ship. You tear open once more a portal into the Honkweave. And the Rhapsody enters. No destination this time.

You fly through the chaotic energies of red honk weave forces at honker than light speed and you move to where you hope is safe haven, but your minds are shrouded with the thoughts of what has just happened. I need everyone to make a charisma saving throw.

Good call. Just straight? Well, Charisma's saving, so... Okay. You said we were shrouded, so I thought you might be leading up to a disadvantage. We'll see. Oh, that makes sense. I'm not gonna twist it. That makes sense. Roll it on the dice, told story here. It is very high, but I'm... Oh, good! Brothers!

Lucky numbers. Numbros. Numbros, exactly. That's good. Okay, sorry, sorry. I should have... Gotta leave a lot of characters out. I rolled lucky number 13 for a total of 15. I labooshed into a natural one, so I got a two. Oof-da. I labooshed into a 13, so I got a 13. I chuckled into a hot 26. Whoa!

Though this is a particular moment, Chuckles, you're still able to guide through the Honkweave as best you can. Everyone else, extremely clouded in their focus as they move through. Even Rhett, as you pilot, you see the mouth of the Honkweave as you think you're about to exit. And it's in that moment that I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, shit.

Come on, brother! 14. Okay, alright, not horrible. You are not as laser-focused as normally you would be. Not even close. Your mind clouded, you don't see it until it's too late. The normal shadows that dance in the sides of the stream, the horrors that live just right beyond your view, uh...

something rapidly enlarges as it comes at the ship on its port side very quickly a black circle gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until it bursts through into the weave itself and a giant pie hits the Rhapsody and knocks you out of the weave.

tumble Star Trek style I'm just snatching up against the side of the of the tank damn it Red what's going on up there what the fuck was that

The ship starts spiraling and spinning. It's gummed up, caught in whatever hideous attack has just landed against it. Exactly, you hear the sounds of sirens, that familiar red light spinning and beaming and casting its pale shadow across the cockpit. Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo.

All the dashboard lights up with danger signals as you spin and you make a crash landing I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throw. It's Maudlien's! Can I see this? Do I get advantage because it's a dex save against something I can see? Did okay. Sure. I would say this is your crash landing. This is uh...

This is... You can see the crashes coming. I'm so glad because I'm holding my jar of sand to roll a natural 20. Oh! Oh, let's go! 23. 3. 16. 11. If you are over, 15 or over, you'll take 8 points of damage. Oof. If you are under that, you'll take 16 points of damage. And we haven't long rested since the dungeon. Nope. Uh-oh.

So we crash. Oh, yeah. I was like, what? Oh, right, right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You bet a horrible time. Oh, man. Who balanced this? Um...

So you crash. You have firmly crash-landed in unknown territory. You can look out the cockpit and the skies beyond what you can see are like a mesa red. I would immediately jump up and try to get to one of the most recent, like, closest consoles and hit the button and say, Red, talk to me, buddy. What's going on? I don't fucking know. Chuckles, where the fuck are we?

- Oh, let me get out. I spill out his seltzer water, it's like super fizzy. I spin out with my arms completely splayed.

I have a comical snorkel and floaties on. I'll throw them off. You're on your back and you spit water out of your mouth. Yeah, exactly. 100%. 100%. Exactly right. And your stomach deflates. I will run to the viewport or wherever I can see to get a sense of where I'm at and try to survey this because I...

Uh, that was definitely a Mautlian attack. Oh, oh gosh, oh gosh, oh no, yeah, I've... Oh, if we are... if we are in the Discord in space, oh, if we're in Mautlian space, this is bad. Oh, we should have waited. We're not even in space anymore! No. We were in the Honkweave and now we're on the fucking ground! What does this mean? Oh, look around. I also will go to the window to see what I see. Roll a... Chuckles, roll a... History check.

That was cocked. You all saw it. Yeah, that was definitely cocked. Oh! Gotta give it up. Gotta give it up for a natural 20, folks. Oh my god. History. Get out of here. I'm on board. 22. 22. With a 22, you look out and you are met with an extreme unease as you survey your surroundings. It's almost like a red rock canyon extends out around you. Yeah.

jagged, shattered ground. Not dark, but a deep, deep, almost like a dobo red coloration in the ground and in the sky. Creatures fly off in the distance. You can see them, you can't quite hear them, but you feel a sense of dread. You know that you know where you are.

But you can't bring it to mind. What? Wow. Holy shit. Wow. Hey, buddy, are you okay? Uh, we're in trouble. We're in trouble, folks. What is that supposed to mean, Shuggles? Uh, this is a bad place. Don't. This is gonna sound crazy. It's gonna sound like I'm gaslighting you. I don't know where we are, but I do know where we are, and it's bad.

Since that was a moth-lean attack, oh gosh, let me survey the damage. I'm gonna try to-- if I can go outside of the ship. I'm presuming it looks like a redder version of Blade Runner 2049. I'm assuming it looks like-- Yeah, Vegas! I think it's Vegas from 2049. I'm assuming it looks like the Southwest American desert I've portrayed in Wile E. Coyote cartoons.

I'm picturing like the Constantine scene where he goes in and talks to the- Oh yeah! When you delve in, when he puts his like foot in the water and he goes to hell. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Don't go outside! Is there air?

I'll try to go outside and if there's still like pie damage, I'll try to go, hmm. I don't know if I get any big trouble. - You, with a 22, I'll keep it. You go outside and you survey the damage. The engines are shot. They're caked in pie. Ironic.

Um, you go to taste it. You put it to your mouth and what seems like a trapped memory rattles in your mind, bouncing around the cage, begging to be released. Uh, it tastes like simple pie, but there is a flavor here that you know you know.

but you can't place it. - A memory steps. - I would have, I would have like, as you exited the ship, taken a few steps in the direction that you went just to watch you get off the ship and see if I can also like take, you know, a look to see what's going on outside. And I would just kind of like out loud to whoever nearby say,

When it rains, it pours. And then I go into my jacket pocket, looking for a cigarette and realize I watched them all float out into space. After the, uh, after the sparrow had taken tons of damage and I just, "Hey buddy, are you okay?" And all, there's like little, like, like storage crates and stuff on him and I like, I free up. You shuffle it all off and he's there just on his side a little bit and he's like, "Oh, come on buddy, you're okay."

Can you check the charts? Can you tell where we are? Hank tries.

You can see he goes into the mode where he's attempting to access the sensors on the Rhapsody, understand where in space you have landed. But as your initial perception proves true, you're no longer in space. The dials all come back with white noise.

Or like spinning, like... Just static comes across the board. You're getting no readout from the sensor. Oh, that's not good. How's the status of the ship? What's the damage like? Damage is intense.

Not only has it just been in a dogfight with the Saurians 1, but the engines and any sort of flight mechanics are completely gummed up with pie. Oh gods. We're gonna be here a while. Chuckles, how's it looking? How fucked are we? It's looking bad. The raft that you've caked up with pie. That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny.

I don't know how else to say this. It's bad. You see, one other thing, though, off in the distance, as you look at how caked up it is with pie, uh, chuckles, you see kind of on the horizon what almost looks like, uh, spotlights. Like, show spotlights that weave back and forth through the air. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Uh, fellas, this is gonna be

Intense. This is Mottlian territory. There's no other way to say this. And I feel like we gotta come up with a plan. Maybe... Ugh! Oh gosh, if Dany was here. I can't wait until she comes back. I would have matching outfits for this. Anyways. Maybe... Ugh! Maybe I pretend that I've captured you all to bring you back for a great banquet beneath the big top.

And then we'll eat all of your flesh! Oh, that's a good one. Uh... Chuckles, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm definitely not a traitor. If you think that I'm a traitor to the great, the great circus, uh, the Circus of Doom, I don't know what to tell you about it. I don't know what to tell ya! Uh... That was a little sweet. It's a little... I'm gonna walk over to one of the consoles again and press the button and say, "Uh, Rhett, I think we're losing, Chuckles."

You gotta do what you can to keep them together. That was an intentional attack. Somebody wanted to fucking knock us out of the Honkweaver, into the actual Honkweaver. I don't fucking know. All right, I'm going outside to get him. And I will take my time, both hands in my pockets, as I stroll outside the ship to try to bring Chuckles back inside and get his head back on his shoulders. Chuckles, come on. Come on, Chuckles. Come back with me. We're going back on the ship.

Oh, but on the ship. Oh, but what if they need me? Oh, at the big top. What if I'm needed? We have to have a talk and I'm going to grab him by like the scruff of his like bowling shirt and like pull him back onto the ship with me. Not like rough, but you know, just tug at you until you... I'll be very easy to go and I'll just be talking.

Yeah, you are absolutely able to do so. And when you make it outside as well, you'll notice that the air is incredibly dry. And it's very hard to take anything more than a shallow breath. Oh! Jeez!

Okay, then I'm a little bit more urgent with us getting back on the ship. Oh, ma'am. Once we get them on, I'll press the button again and say, all right, I think everyone's on board. We got to have a meeting. All right, crew. Chuckles, can you tell us anything about where we are? What kind of danger we're in? What kind of time we have? Because we're sitting ducks.

and the Rhapsody is in no shape to get us out of here anytime soon. Dungeon Master? What do I know? You... Hmm. You have a very bad feeling about staying in this place. Oh! And as described, you know exactly where you are, but you can't bring the thought to mind. You believe that you can find help. Someone who can repair the ship,

who can fix or remove the discordant energy that's blocking your engines from running. Okay, okay, this is bad. Oh gosh, Dany would know what to do. Dany would know where we are. She would know where we are. Oh, and we were gonna play King Donut 64 after that mission. Oh, you're not getting out of here without some help.

That means we have to talk. Oh gosh. If you thought the spooky boys were bad, oh gosh. Oh man, that's a walk in the park. A walk to the cemetery. So you're saying that this is just more discordant? Yes. Yes, this is discordant. It's a discordant realm. This is basically an LH realm of demons, technically speaking.

Oh, but the good news is, is that amongst the demons, well, what is a demon if not what was once man? So there is humanity left at the heart of us all, but it is not the heart of man, truly a heart of darkness. Oh, we are so doomed. But we can find help, perhaps. Maybe there's someone that can help us and uncake the rhapsody. Why can't we just uncake it?

Oh, you don't want to go out there. I hate that. If you even look at it the wrong way, you'll get pied. Also... You'll get caked up yourself, Rhett. Unfortunately, it's kind of hard to breathe out there. Oh, hells. I could give it a try and see if I can consume the pie. I'm not very hungry, but I'd try.

If what you're saying is that this is some kind of special pie intended to gum up the workings of a ship to keep us here. Yeah, I mean, I have much smaller versions of that, and I'm able to commit plenty of atrocities just with the pies I can pull out of my hat. I almost killed Dandy that one time, and that other time, and the time before that. Well, if what you're saying is right, then who here on this planet would even bother to help us? Well...

We're basically... Ugh. We don't have a choice. What choice do we have? I mean, we can take a look, Rhett. What do you know about magical demon pie? Is that a serious question? I don't know fucking shit about magical demon pie. That's true. Ugh. I mean, Labouche, maybe take your mop and see if you can scrub it out. I'll set the jar down and go to the janitorial closet where I will pick up a bucket and mop.

And then I will lower the door that allows me to get out to the outside and then realize I don't need the bucket and mop. I'll just set it down. I'm going to attempt to do what I would normally do, like when we're especially lacking for food, I'm like consuming rust off the exterior of the ship or I'm consuming crumbs that drop off of plates and stuff. I'm going to try to oozoid vacuum cleaner the surface of the ship. You are the bucket and mop.

You also go out the back of the ship and the first thing you noticed is even though your suit has an air filter, it also feels like it is difficult for you to do anything more than take a shallow breath in this space. It is just mildly uncomfortable to exist. Feeling that, I will quickly get back to the oxygen of the Stardust and I...

will pull in an hour's worth of lung and create a bit, an hour's worth of oxygen in a big bubble in my chest so that I can feed off of that rather than worrying about the atmosphere of the planet. You do so. If I can. You do so. Grab a bucket and a mop for that weird-ass pie. Oh, no. That's very funny. That should be illegal. That is very funny. I'll give you that, Juggles. You got me.

I'll reach up once I get to the pie. I'll reach up and I'll take my first attempt at... Is it something that I can consume? Do I think that I would be able to dissolve it the way that I dissolve almost any other morchetic material? We're on our comma check. Oh. I'll walk up next to Labouche. Fucking illegible. Six. You start to try.

You spread out onto the engines and you begin to meld with this form of pie and you intake it and you begin to dissolve it into your form and you work to clear out a section of the engine and you move from side to side and you begin to kind of work at the rim like you're cleaning out the pie that's there.

And as you leave the space you've just cleared, the pie extends back out. Oh, shit. And takes its place back in the engines. Before I notice that, I'll have taken a bite. I'll...

speak through my monitor to the rest of the crew. It tastes a little funny. Yeah, I mean, it's not a bad taste. It's not a bad taste. It's just a little... And a memory stirs. It makes me think of a clown. Probably nothing. It's growing behind me. It's not... Yeah. It does make you think of a clown. You get a silhouette.

emblazons itself in your mind. You think of the last time you were- the first time you were traveling through the Honkweave when Labouche and Kvir fell to the the taunting, the jeering of a figure from just beyond the edge. And a familiar silhouette pulls into your mind, but you cannot

I'm sorry. You cannot picture the... You cannot picture the clown. I've tasted a bunch. There it is. That's it. It's out. I've tasted this before. It makes me think. I think that we've encountered this before. We gotta get to the bottom of this. We may need an exorcism.

I can't do anything about this, V. The pie keeps emerging after I consume it. Well... Oh no. So what you're saying is... we have to fucking stomp down to whatever fucking... settlements down there, and you have to talk our way through that place and get help? Okay.

We should decide, do we say, "Hey, we crash-landed!" And like, "Oh, I'm kind of on the run and I betrayed my kind and now you'll be-- oh, it's cool, JK, send!" Or do I say, "Look at all of these, I'm the boss here. I've corrupted, we may have to dress you up as clowns." Oh wait, no! Oh no, no, it doesn't work like that, it doesn't work like that. God. You're not humans! Yeah, I'm pretty sure...

Yeah, you guys aren't humans. We're not passing as humans. Oh. All right. Okay. What we'll do is I will improvise it. I did pretty well as Shrookle Shrookle. Oh, but without cash room. How much time do we have? Not long. Do we have time to fucking get some rest? No. Well, Rhett, how are the life support systems looking?

That'd be my first concern. I think we'll be okay in here. It's just all the fucking flight mechanics are toast. Not to mention all of our smaller spacecraft are totally fucked up too. No, we're gonna need some like, crazy eldritch power or an exotherm. What worries me- Get rid of this pie. If we have to defend ourselves, especially out there, we're gonna be at a pretty severe disadvantage. I agree.

So, what do we do? Do we need to fucking march down there now? Is someone coming to us here? Can we take eight hours to just fucking sit down and catch our breath for a second? Do I know any of this, Fender Master? I'll let you decide what I know.

Rhett, you believe that the life support systems... Everything is blinking red. Everything. The console is smoking. Oh, fuck. You believe that the life support systems have maybe a full day of power left. You have to make it somewhere in not a lot of time. Chuckles, you think that...

It is probably not a good idea to wait here. No. And you don't have a lot of time before you'd have to make a move to get help. We don't have time. Well, and whatever happened there in the weave doesn't put us down here without somebody knowing about it. Damn it, you're fucking right. Oh, could you call Dandy and maybe she could help us? Was that a serious fucking statement? Yeah, she's got crazy powers. Maybe she could help us.

And how do you expect me to call Dandy? Don't you have some way to do it? This better not be a sick fucking joke, Chuckles. I'm not for once in my clownish life I'm not joking! Maybe we should get a move on. I'll furrow my brow and, uh, you know, feeling some of the calmness of the ether that I injected. Uh, alright. Um, Hank, you should come too, just in case.

Can't lose you two. I will go to my room/workshop and grab the, uh, the engine, ether engine, and get suited up and get it plugged in. And I'll get my grav cannon and, uh, presumably everyone else would do the same. Yeah, I'd go to my room, check the drawers for extra pack of cigarettes. You find nothing. You find nothing. Sigh.

and meet everybody out on the bridge, wherever we're going to, where we normally meet, the common area or wherever before we depart. I'll transport my jar of sand to my room and also produce the necklace and sort of hang it around the mouth of the jar and not wanting to risk it on whatever journey this quest takes us on. And then I'll stomp back to rejoin the crew. Well,

If we can't talk to her, she'll have to be back. We were going to play King Donut 64, and that's her favorite game, so she'll certainly be back. And so, at the very least, that is our last-ditch effort. Shuckles, she may be gone forever. You understand? No, she really likes King Donut 64, Labouche. I don't think you understand. You don't know Dandy like I do.

Anyways, we're gonna go, we're gonna see who's out there, and we will improvise. We will be, we'll improvise it, and we'll put on a performance, and it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be fine, I'm sure. Or perhaps we all get killed. And I can't stress this enough. If it comes to blows, I've got maybe five, six minutes tops before I'm gonna be too winded to continue. In this atmosphere, it's not looking good.

We're gonna fuckin' fight our way through this if we have to or die trying. Okay. Please, by the gods, don't let me meet my end from a fuckin' clown. It's gonna be fine. And it's with those words that you walk out into the land.

Uh, you take step after step and presumably you head towards the twin spotlights, swirling in the distance. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but lead the way, Chuckles. You got it.

Okay, normally I'd have an outfit appropriate for the situation, but I guess it's what I normally wear then. I never thought this could happen. I'm feeling extreme dread, like I'm running away from these people, but we don't have any choice. Do you have any kind of plan, or are we just going to follow your lead? Just follow my lead. It'll be fine. Everything's going to be fine, fellas.

And it's as you say that while you're walking. You start to notice...

Chuckles, just so you'll notice this for right now, but everyone as you move through, it's not terribly unbearable, but it is uncomfortable to move through this environment. Like you're walking through a very muggy, hot day. It's not heated, but it is just extremely unpleasant and unsettling to exist in this space. Chuckles, you are starting to acclimate.

So it is less though it was not comfortable for you in the beginning. It is becoming more and more so. Though you still have the exact same impending dread like this is a terrible place. But you are acclimating to the environment.

And you continue forward. You walk along and you move between two rocks that you just shimmy between two large, jutted out red rocks. And on each, they're over, they're much over head height, so you're moving between them. And on the right and the left, you see silhouettes painted on the rock. Jet black.

with white eyes and a strange grin with a square toothed mouth. Looks very similar to, uh, Truth from Pullman Autonomous. Oh, guys, this is gonna be really fucking cool. I mean...

"What the fuck are you talking about?" "What the fuck are you talking about?" The eyes almost seem to follow you as you shimmy past it. And it's at that moment, uh, you... you almost start to hear something. You start to feel, hear, sense in some way or another the beating of wings as two birds fly into view. You're obscured by the rock.

But you start to see them as they come closer and closer. And as they fly overhead, you see what looks like rock-sized geese that are in the shape of bicycle horns that have long winged feathers. Oh, I'm sorry, long wings that come out from either side with decaying feathers.

Their eyes sit at the front of their head, bloodshot red because they have no eyelids and they cannot blink, their eyes unmoving. They let out a terribly demonic honk. And I need everyone to make a madness saving throw. Oh yeah, we're in hell!

DM. I want to see madness under my saving throws. Madness saving throw is a d20 roll, subtracting your intelligence score. I've never been happy to be dumb. Just a straight d20. A d20 roll, and you subtract your intelligence. Intelligence? Yeah!

The smarter you are, the more you comprehend in the land you're in. The more you comprehend, the quicker it drives you mad. It stands to reason, yay for airheads! What was the roll? 5d! I gotta finish the roll again. D20 minus your int. Minus int? Yeah. It's a madness saving throw. Minus my int. Yeah, this is bad, folks. The modifier you mean? The int modifier. Yes. I got a zero.

Is that the first zero in the history of a Vantrum? I got a zero. We've had a zero, I think, and a negative one. That's rare. I don't know if I'm a racial, but my racial features have advanced against Motley. You're Motley in hell, you son of a bitch. 15 minus one is a fortune. You might just have immunity.

Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah, no, this is, this is, this is discord hell. No, we're literally in demon hell. We're in cloud demon hell, fellas. Oh! 13.

I have a plus zero. I'm the dumbest one here. Wow. I have a plus one. I have a plus one, I roll a natural one. Five, one, zero. Zero, thirteen. Ten. Ten. Fourteen. Fourteen? Oh, okay. Yeah, I rolled fifteen on a minus one. The DC was fifty. I bet. Wouldn't shock me. Oh, good. Here comes the madness. I mean, it's hard when you don't have any, like, you know, no plus, let alone a minus. It's, like, very hard to...

This horrific scene flies past and as the demonic call goes out, it shatters, well it doesn't shatter your eardrums, but it feels that one. As the birds fly on. Boo!

Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, no, yeah, no, this is, oh! Okay, no, this is true. No, we're in the, oh God, we're in the discordant. Oh yeah, no, we're in the discordant realm. Chuckles, what the hell was that? Oh yeah, no, no, that's, that's, yeah, that's the, that's the thrill. Oh, what a thrill. Sometimes you die on a tree frog! Yeah!

Oh, we are so fucked. We are demons. Who's to hell? Clown hell, clown hell. I'm gonna fucking relate. Don't you see those things? Oh, yeah, no, it's gonna get much worse. Okay, well. Are those literal fucking demons?

"Uhhhhh, from a certain point of view, are those literal fucking demons?" "From a certain point of view." "Yeah, oh yeah, no, I mean, technically, technically speaking, I mean, really what is a demon besides THAT fucking thing? AHHHHHH!" "Okay."

Okay, uh... We're gonna die here, aren't we? We gotta keep going. We gotta keep probably... We are not going to die. Probably not. We have way too much to get done. No, we're gonna die. Come on! Get it together! Daisy will save us. She'll save us. Okay, let's go. We'll keep going and we'll try to get the ship fixed. And by the time Danny shows up, we'll be like, "Okay, we're gonna blast off and play King Donut 64." Okay, uh... They didn't see us. That's good. We're gonna keep going. I'll wave at the, uh... at the silhouette.

Oh, it's me, Chuckles! I'm back. Shut the fuck up! Oh. And keep going. I'm back. It's ya boy. Chronicle sun returns. It's me, ya boy. It's me, ya boy, Chuckles. Okay, let's go. I'll hang back a little bit, and I'll walk up to Pike, and I'll say, Look, Pike, I'm letting you know right now, I'm not letting these things take me alive. You understand? Yeah.

Yeah, Red, I wouldn't expect anybody to take you alive. Nothing's gonna happen. We're gonna fight through this no matter what. I have enough of these to kill us all if we need to. One of the vials that I regularly inject myself with. Do you clearly have a little bit of a crazed look on your face? Oh yeah, 100%. My eyes are open a little wider than they normally are. I'm just saying, if we need a way out, I have a backup plan. Hey, hey, hey, look at me.

You're not losing it, are you? I need you to stay with me here. Chuckles is already off his rocker and I'm worried about LaBouche too. Don't you go off on me here. No, no, I'm okay. It's just, if we need to get out of here and leave Chuckles here, that's also a plan too. All right? We can just leave him. As soon as we get the fucking ship ready to go, then, you know, we'll leave him in his fucking home hell planet, wherever the fuck we are. And it'll be like the old days. All right?

We don't get mixed up in fucking time gods and dinosaur super weapons and fucking cream pot bullshit. Hey, easy. It's gonna be all right. Okay? All right. Come on, let's keep going. I'll walk up to Rhett and Pike. Guys, I'm worried about Chuckles. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

If things get bad, you just push this button on my suit and I'll die instead. What happens if I push this button? I die. No, I just stomp forward. So you would have noticed that...

When I got to the planet of Nightingale with the other Discordant at the opposite end of the spectrum, I had my gun out and I was very aggressive. And now I don't have any weapons, I'm not acting aggressively at all, but obviously the madness is starting to affect that. So I have not touched my Rhaegar. Do you seem disoriented or just fearful?

I feel like both. Okay. I think, and if there's any change to my physiology or, uh, or mentality, I would, I'll rely on you to let me know. Okay. I won't make decisions for you. I would say that visibly, um, you wear gloves, correct? Yes. Visibly. Mickey Mouse gloves. Uh... Four fingers. No one would else, no one would be able to see any change that's occurring with you currently. Um, but you can feel, uh...

You can feel your hands take a stronger shape. And that's all I'll say. Oh. I refuse to elaborate. Okay. Guys, they're just demons. What's the worst that could happen? Oh, hey, it's your boy. Hey, demon, it's me, your boy, Chuckle. We're gonna go, just me and my mates. We're just, you know, or I don't know them, whatever is most appropriate. Oh, no. Hulka, hulka, hulka.

How far do we look to be from these? I'm so glad you asked. You've been walking now for about an hour through this environment. You're starting to get thirsty.

You don't look like you're any closer to the lights as they beam through the sky that you've been moving towards them unending. And it's at that moment where you really start to feel the thirst overcome you that you come across what can really only be described as an oasis in this space. Beautiful.

Sorry, Derek looked at me, okay? Like, you piece of shit. No, you glanced at me instead of laughing. Beautiful, crystal clear blue water sits in a light gray fountain.

six fountain heads rise up from out of it, very simple, and spout clear, crystal clear water in front of you. As soon as I lay eyes on it, I look at it and I go, you couldn't pay me a million credits to drink from that thing. Oh, thank goodness!

Do they look like library or like public school water fountains with the button that you press on and then like... Kind of. I would say it looks a little bit more like the bathroom water fountains in Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets. I love that!

So it's got like six heads sit around the edge of the central section of the water fountain. As it rises up and curves out, six streams of beautiful, clear water fall from its mouth. I wait to see if Chuckles dies. Oh, I was so parched. Uh...

Shuckles does not die, and in fact, you enjoy a long rest. Oh, guys, you gotta try this shit! It is so good, and I know we're in a demon health game, and it's awfully convenient, but believe me, would I ever leave you in the draaaay? I say hawkingly, I'm not- I'm not trying to lock up first. Before you do, how much do the three of us know?

about the effects of the discordant on humans versus non-humans. You would know very little, but I believe that Chuckles described in Nightingale that the, like, discordant energy was effectively a curse bestowed upon humanity. Right. And does not impact anyone who is not a human. I don't think that that would be enough to convince Mike that it's okay to drink from that fucking fountain.

I think that Pike might realize that we might have some resistance to it, but it wouldn't be enough. I'd have to be way thirstier than I currently am to dunk my head in that fountain. I think. I think at least Rhett would know, right, that we can't turn into and become corrupted in that way. But I think that he would know that we can still get killed by demons, right? Killed by discordants. Oh, for sure. 100%. And that the...

you know, we're, we're feeling the effects. We're marching through territory that has a high level of discordant corruption. So we're experiencing attrition. Yeah. Is it unreasonable to say that Pike would not, would, would not drink from the, I feel like he wouldn't. I, I totally agree. Uh,

And I think that Rhett would be on edge as well. - You're marching through territory that has the mark of thrill corruption. And we're slowly ticking away. - I'm going to try a sip to see if there's anything. It's not a very good test to see if it might not affect you because I think

You both are technically carbon-based creatures, right? I'm whatever the fuck I am, right? So it's not the perfect test, but I am interested if he gets a benefit because of his motley nature. I'm going to try to pull some of the water in, basically turning my hand into a massive straw and pulling that in and seeing if it nourishes. Oh, it's so good, you guys. You plunge your hand into the fountain. Oh!

And you draw this clear water into you. And it is the perfect temperature. Not cold, but cool and refreshing. And as you draw it in, you notice that it's just a little bit fizzy.

And you enjoy a long rest. I think it's root beer. The problem with this is that we had the worst control sample because they're both basically eldritchly affected by something going, you know what I mean? He's an eldritch abomination. You're probably also an eldritch abomination. You know, like you're cursed. You're cursed to hell. We got to have some root beer float here. It is so quenchy. It's going to quench you. Come drink. You do not have the original sin of man. Drink and be well.

My friend. As far as I can tell, it's just natural fizzy water. I feel refreshed. Well, let me go next. I got a high tolerance in what hasn't flown through, uh, through these veins. Are you sure about that? Yeah. You feel the dryness in the back of your throat. Wait!

You need this! And I'll pull out curly Q straws. I just like take it and like very like nonplussed look at it and kind of furrow my brow. Wind in hell. And I'll walk up to the fountain and I'll turn back to Pike and say, look, if anything happens to me, you take Hank and you do whatever you need to do to get the fuck out of here. Understood, but you'll be fine.

Diveridentally sip on the straw. Roll a death saving throw at disadvantage. I'm kidding. Oh my god. You draw on the straw and it hits your lips and you get that same cool refreshing hit of what is effectively seltzer. And you feel very refreshed and you enjoy a long rest. Nice.

"Oh no, I forgot, guides can never look cool "drinking out of a straw!" - I start to disarm my grip. - "Oh, what are you doing?" - "Oh, hell whiz, no!" - I don't feel so good, Mike. - I look to the rest of the group and I say, "Well,

Bottoms up, and I will kneel down and use my Curlicue Crazy Straw and drink from this mountain.

You do so. And you get the same experience, the refreshingly cool water as it strikes the back of your throat. I thought that either the water was going to run out or you were the last one to go. Right, right, right, right, right. No, no, you... Mesa's cooking something up. A fountain of cowardice. You, for the first time since you've been in this space, which hasn't been long, but probably two hours now,

You feel just a little comfortable and you enjoy the experience of drinking this refreshing water. You make it another 200 feet and you find a fountain of cigarettes. No way. You may also enjoy a long rest. Sweet. Oh, let's fucking go. Wow, this is actually, this is good stuff. I told you guys, this is delicious.

Shroud over Saltmarsh.

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You are still walking towards the twin spotlights, and you do not seem to be getting any closer. We'll make it. Are you sure they are unchanged since we've been walking for? Yeah, I mean, we're like in a demon clone hell realm, but again, whatever. It's like, inevitably, we have to show up. I turn around and look at the Stardust Rhapsody to see if it's small.

I look at the ship. It is entirely out of view. Okay, so it's not like we just walked nowhere. We're making distance, we just don't know if we're closing distance. We're creating distance. Okay. Oh my gosh. What if I need to do a theme transition? A what? Oh no. I'm gonna try to give it the shortcut. What do you mean?

I will attempt, I don't know if I have a spell that can do this, but my intention is I'm gonna try to have a big plane where I just paint a tunnel or something that basically then shifts the scene to just us being to the destination. I thought you were gonna cast George Lucas Star Wipe. Grab the edge of the screen and pull it. Let me see if I have any spells that, I probably don't have anything that can do that, but...

Oh, shit. You're going to eventually be able to cast Teleport. I will, actually. That is very nice. That is very true. Spells. Oh, shit. I'm rolling dice. I am so sorry. I'm just trying to see if there's any spells. He rolled a three, everybody. Hey. As he's searching, you've been walking for about 20 minutes now. And it's at this moment that you all hear a loud...

As each of you, here's your stomachs growling. It's at this point, you've firmly digested the water from the fountain, and I need everyone to make a madness saving throw. I should have fucking known it. Same check. Exact same thing. Come on! D20 minus your intelligence. Whoa, that's pretty good. It's not very good.

Fifteen. Fight. Eight. I rolled very mediocre and minused mediocre. Six. Quatro. Oh my god! Or I suppose it's still a boosh. Cat. That's good. Rhett, you, as the water, the coolness hits your core and it starts to send a cool shiver throughout your body, you, not overwhelmingly so...

but the feeling of paranoia creeps into you as you are now mildly paranoid. Alright. Now it's just mechanically represented too. Well, you're already doing it, but that's what I had. No, it's good. No, I mean, eventually. Maybe just crank the dial up a little more. You knew where I was going. Just a little more. Oh, man. I am actually feeling a lot better about the health gate that we're in.

I'm very confident in my ability to lead us. So you just take it easy, Red. Do you have any fucking idea what you're doing? No, but I'm confident in my own ability. I will say a mantra. Join me. I am a worthy clown. As we're walking. Everyone after me. I am a worthy clown. We're not safe. I deserve applause. Is this? I have really good jokes.

I have really good jokes. My act is really awesome. Oh god. This isn't a plot, uh, Shuckles! Well, it applies to anyone who wants to divide this place. In this realm of discordant clown demons. I am a worthy clown. Oh, good job. I can't hear you! Laboosh, you're really gonna do this? What was the second one?

I deserve applause. I deserve applause. I have really good jokes. My show is really awesome. My act. It cannot be a show. Just your act. You're part of the show. There we go. It's really awesome. I leave a walking mantra as we continue through the desert. I have really good jokes.

I will have like let Labouche and Rhett kind of walk in front of me behind Chuckle so that I can walk behind everybody and like keep an eye on everyone and keep like looking over my shoulder and I am not repeating the mantra. Okay. Every once in a while you just see one of my eyes like... Yeah, you're looking around too. You carry onward. Some of you repeating a mantra, some of you not.

And it is still unchanging, the environment around you. You're moving through this almost like arid, rocky step as you try and close the gap to the elusive spotlights ahead of you.

And it's at this moment, you'd see it first, Chuckles. You see what looks like a group of people ahead of you. Shuffling, moving, to and fro, slowly. You can't quite make them out. Oh, it's help! There's people out there! How do you do, my fellow demons? It'll walk up.

And I'll walk up very confidently, after saying this mantra over and over, I will walk up very confidently to them. I'll be right behind, Shuckles. How do you do? As the second you call out to them, and you draw the attention, it becomes very clear that this group ahead of you all snaps their attention towards your party. Oh my god, what are you doing? Oh, shit. They start to kind of like, almost like crickets.

they jump in their movements as they close the gap. And what eventually comes into view

maybe ten small clown-like creatures with razor-sharp teeth, white pale skin, all dressed in reds, yellows, white gloved hands, probably no more than two and a half to three feet tall, any one of them.

as they're hopping towards you and they're chattering as they approach. You'll hear, "We have a joke, we have a joke!" - Oh! Oh ho ho ho, me too, me too! - Choose your next word, fucking carefully. - Tell me your joke, how do you do, fellow demons? We're all here for a good joke. - We can all understand them?

Yeah, I would say like I've got my left hand in my pocket and my right hand just kind of closes like this and the tip begins to glow. I got my myth. The gem starts to light up. Yeah, the gem on the back of my gauntlet begins to kind of like radiate a little bit of light. Ah!

As you prepare yourself for what comes next, everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw at advantage. Oh, baby. What is it? Christmas me? Thanks, buddy. Dexterity? Let me pull out a... Dirty 20. Dirty 20. The dirtiest. Yeah, I got a 22. I got a 15. Dexterity, you mean to say? Oh, my God.

No, he did say dexterity. No, that's what I mean. That's what I mean. Oh, wow. That'll be a 23. 22. 22. So you see them coming a mile away, and they're not moving extraordinarily aggressively, but as they approach to you, they continue to kind of hop and lunge at your direction. They look like they're trying to grasp onto you, chanting and repeating, We have a joke! We have a joke! Yeah.

Let's hear it! I need everyone to remake a dexterity saving throw. Oh god, straight or at advantage? Oh no. 15. 12. 19. 18. Whoa! Yeah, pretty good. Okay! One lands on you, Chuckles, and grabs you by the front of your jacket.

and grips in, and it has clawed hands. It feels almost a little piercing into the skin as it grips you. And it says, tell us if you've heard this one before. A weasel walks into a bar. Yeah. And it orders. Pop goes the weasel. Pretty good.

Does it explode on me? It does. And I need you to make a madness saving throw. Guys, I don't think that... Hey, that's pretty good. The moment that this thing explodes, I think I'd unload on the other. Yep, same. The second it explodes, I would shoot. I would fire. Okay. Roll attack rolls. Yeah. I got a one. Yep, yep, yep. For what? For madness. Oh my goodness. I got a zero, a 15, and a one. Okay.

I can make at least two attacks. Yeah, do we have... Is it a normal just one attack or if I can make two attacks, am I allowed to make two attacks? How many attacks do you have in a turn? You can make two attacks. One of those goes way off. The other one's a 26. One's a 16. The other one is a 22. Cool. We have double attack, right? Yeah, I do. You should. For sure. You should have extra attack. Let me just double check.

As the two of you start to pull your energies together and you fire out that classic magenta blast and the ether engine roars up and you start laying into them, as your attacks start landing, they just start bursting as you shoot out at them. And you're able to drop, you hit one, you hit one, you're able to drop two additional targets as they're dancing around and leaping at you. 25 and 19 to hit.

You hit both as well. You reach out and you... I grab both hands like so, and I just crush them like empty aluminum cans. Bursting confetti. They probably blow my hand open, like if I had a firecracker in my hand, but my hands immediately reform. I love that. You gotta be kidding me. I tumble. I get yam-chunned. You know what?

Stay in there, yeah. I'm in a Yamcha crater. Chuckles is knocked back onto the ground, certainly in a Yamcha crater. You all reach out in between smashing and punching and crashing and blasting. You're able to clear out the remainder of these creatures. Damn it, Chuckles! What were those things? I think those were like, hub and flea clown or something. Well, they're blue.

Are you alright? And I'm gonna run over him and try to help him up. Yep. Uh, how do you grab him? Uh, probably, like, like, by the lapel, but I try to, like, you know, get one arm, like, to grab his arm, and the other hand, I grab him by the lapel and try to hoist him up. Blake! You would notice you're able to help him up easily. Uh, he's hurting. He looks hurt. As you reach out to grab his forearm, you would notice, uh, a very unusual, uh,

like, musculature. He feels incredibly, like he has incredibly powerful arms. As I get you, like, to your feet, I'm gonna- Do you know how hard it is to work forearms? Yes, I'm very, very hard. And I'm gonna, like, look you in the eye and say, Chuckles, are you alright? Pike! Talk to me, buddy. You need to watch out for the explodies. Yeah, I'm painfully aware of that now. Are there more of those things coming? The what?

Those horrific clown creatures. What else do we have to look forward to here? The explodies? What do you think I'm talking about? Focus. Yeah, the explodies! The explodies nuts. Dammit, Pat. Let me handle this. I walked right into that one. I look over at the lights sullenly. Are they closer?

You continue walking for a couple of extra minutes now past this threat. And you now do feel like the lights are getting closer. Guys, I'm not gonna lie. My plan to communicate with a little exploding

The little flea clowns, uh, didn't go according to plan. I tried to reason with them, and they just exploded in my face. So can we assume that everything from this point out is shoot on sight? No. No. We're gonna go into the diplomacy style. What were you hoping to achieve with your- They're gonna mire my sick games, and uh, it'll all be cool, LaBouche, okay?

Are you from around these parts? I didn't think so, Laboosh. The second another one fucking explodes, we're unloading on them. Yeah, that's fine. That's a last resort. Oh, gods. Man, I really got... I got got good. That was a good Weasel joke. I'll save that for next. Uh... What are those botlives over there? Chuckles, why don't you keep leading the way?

As soon as he's like 10 or 15 feet in the lead, I'm gonna like quick like pull LaBouche and Rhett closer and be like, "All right guys, I don't think I need to state the obvious, but something extra weird is going on here." Yeah, I'm a little fucking worried about it. "Yeah, I'm talking about Chuckles. He's something with his physiology. He feels a little bit more solid, like he's a lot stronger than normal." What if this is all part of his plan?

That this whole time he was gonna walk us into some kind of fucking trap and sacrifice us to some horrible eldritch clown god! Listen to yourself, Rhett. It's Chuckles. He never has a plan. Maybe that's what he wants us to think. Oh, he's just a fucking idiot. Oh, he's just a silly, goofy little clown. Oh, look at all the pies he makes. LaVouche, help me out here. I think he has just lost his mind.

I mean, he's of this place. I don't buy it. We're walking like behind him. I'm just making sure we're out of earshot of chuckles. Oh, I figured it out. We should have cartwheeled there. Duh. Come on, fellas. Cartwheel. You remember what I taught you. Perfect star.

I do not cartwheel. And I continue to walk behind you. None of us cartwheel. We do not cartwheel. I am a worthy clown. I'll do one cartwheel to see if it helped. I'm like a tumbleweed or like a wagon wheel going through like in a western as I'm just going through the mesa. We are keeping an eye on it. It's gonna be fine. I'm just trying...

To keep everybody on the same page, alright? I understand your worry, your concern. I'm right there with you, alright? It just feels like the culmination of all the supernatural bullshit we've been fucking dealing with. Like we were just meant to fucking end here. There's nothing we can do either way. Let's just see how this turns out. As you cartwheel forward, a structure comes into view.

Stretching out in front of you, uh, black wrought iron, uh, gates extend all the way around, uh, and a large kind of like rainbow crescent sign, uh, at the top of a gateway. A simple entryway. The only disruption in the gate in front of you is a rotating, uh,

like, ticket entry space. Almost like when you enter the metro. You move through the, like, the bars. Turnstile? A turnstile. A turnstile. But a full-body one that takes you as you go through. Whoa. The... And you hear call out into the land. Just above the gate, you see the words...

Carnival of Fun. And you hear a call out almost through the sound of like an old timey speaker. Welcome to the carnival.

of fun! I guess I'll allow you an opportunity. Oh, yeah, we're here to have some fun at the carnival! We need to clean up Isle Rhapsody, you know what I mean? Anyway, one please. Welcome to the carnival!

- Oh, well thank you. We're here to have some fun. Four tickets for the carnival, please. - Well, and you'll see a creature similar to the ones you encountered before sitting now atop the sign.

That that same kind of like small almost like clown goblin ask creature Will say and you'll notice also the this is incredibly rusted as it stretches around And the sign itself definitely dirty and there's a section just under Carnival of fun covered in like cobwebs as it is above you as the creature will say oh

Welcome. Come on in. Come on in to the carnival.

fun. Uh, the pie engineer is awaiting your arrival. Oh, thank goodness that you have a pie engineer. I knew that was gonna be here. Every great carnival has a pie engineer. Exactly right. So, uh, yeah, we'll talk to him. Uh, here, everyone, uh, do we need tickets? Him? Her? Oh, her. Excuse me, sorry. Every great carnival has a pie engineer. I always, the one that I always knew was named, uh, uh,

Frank. And he was a real gruff customer. And he would say, open the hood. And he'd open the pie. And then oil was squirted out. Very funny. I thought all pie engineers were named Frank. Not at all. All pie engineers named

Jolly! Jolly? Jolly Pie Engineer! Jolly Pie Engineer, wow, that's a bit of a... I cannot wait to meet her. This is my personal hell, Red. Well, I mean, you're literally true! It's a hell for all of us! Okay, let us continue. One, come all, one at a time, through the turnstile. I'll go first.

Welcome to the Carnival of Fun! I'm like walking completely off time. As he's like walking towards the turnstile, I'm gonna shout to Chuckles and say, "If this thing dices us up into little tiny pieces, I'm not gonna be happy." Why would it do that? This is fun, not certain doom.

And as you move through the turnstile, it circles quickly and pushes you through onto the other side. But it does take its price for admission. And knives stretch out as you move through it. And you are cut, taking four points of slashing damage. Oh, just kidding! What you said is literally true. What the hell?

And as you move to the other side, you'll see on the sign, the three of you will see this. You won't see this, Chuckles. But the cobwebs, as he moves through the turnstile, have fallen down. And you'll see Circle of Fun in parentheses, we promise. I mean, I'm sorry, Carnival of Fun. Carnival of Fun. I will walk out, and I'm like a spiraled potato. I'm like a sleepy... And so I'm walking out, and I'll like...

And I'll get myself back together. Your layers. My layers will form back together. I just look to Rhett and I say, called it. And then I take my left hand out of my pocket and I kind of like put one foot in front of the other as I look through this turnstile. And I lean forward a little bit. I kind of push my left foot into the sand, the dirt, and...

I run at it as quickly as I can, and I try to get through this turnstile as fast as I possibly can. You're gonna get Resident Evil meet-cute. Without, you know, getting completely-- Laser beam netting. Yeah, I'm hoping. I'm hoping that I'm quick enough to kinda push through this as dexterously as I can.

With that in mind, and you're agile not only that, you are life. You have the ability to kind of move through, control your body, and you can see things like this coming. This is discordant clown magic. I'm bracing for pain. So as you move through the turnstile, you move incredibly agilely. Those same blades whip out.

and reach out at you, catching just beyond your jacket. You will take two points of slashing damage as it takes its ticket in blood. - Ah! I get to the other side and the jacket's been cut and the white begins to turn a little bit red. Son of a... Ah! - You good, Buck? - Yeah, I'm all right. But you're paying to fix my jacket. - Me? Oh, but I don't have any money. I'm just a clown.

I guess we'll have to do a bit of a bake-hype. I think you might see me do the empty pockets with one fly. Oh yeah, the moth. Hurry up and come on through! It doesn't seem like there's any way around this. I'll stomp forward, and seeing that I am too big to get through the turnstile, I will take my pieces of armor off and I will bunch them together and try to force those through first.

before sleuthing through the turnstile in one gelatinous move.

You do that. I can literally, like, Terminator T-1000 like he does through the jail bars. But I assume I still get a stab. You are able... And you'll notice, you're able to push your suit through the other side. It moves through the turnstiles. And as your suit moves through the turnstiles, nothing happens. It just passes through to the other side, and it falls on the ground awaiting your arrival. I see that happen a lot. I'm like, should have thrown my jacket through. You...

You move yourself through and you begin to just juice through the bars. My gun clinks when I do it. The turnstile doesn't move as you're just juicing forward. However, it understands that you're coming. And the blades stretch out and you will take half of this, but you will take two points of damage. Slashing damage. One? That was already halved.

Oh, you're taking four. You're taking two? You take two points of slashing damage. I take two. I take two. And then I'll start putting myself back together again. All right, hopefully...

Hopefully dogs are free. And also, basically my engine has the arms and just normally if Hank's not walking alongside, they just hold him and he's just like, you know, he's just hanging there, dangling. But they're going to lift him all the way up just to keep him as far away from the blades as possible. And I will shimmy through.

You take... It craves flesh, not metal. You take four points of slashing damage as you move through the turnstiles. Hank is safe. That wasn't too bad. I love to see that we're all having fun already!

Welcome to the carnival of fun. Wow, it's gonna be so fun here. Which game would you like to play first? Oh, what games do we have to choose from? Well, we have the tunnel ride of delightful memories. Oh! We have the ball throw of knocking over fun things. Wow, you guys are so good at names here. Oh!

Oh, thank you! Oh, I know which one I want to do. I want to play the game of negotiating with the Pi Engineer. Thank you. Oh, well, we'll definitely get to do that. How many tickets does it cost to talk to the Pi Engineer? One ticket, Chuckles. Thank you. How do we win those tickets? Well, by playing any of the games. Ah...

Do we each need a ticket or do we just need to get one ticket? One communal ticket is all it will take to talk to Jolly, the pie engineer. Do we get like a cool giant teddy bear too or something? Yes, of course! Oh, I knew it! Whatever you would like that brings joy and fun. Okay, rest of the games, name them. We're going to platinum this carnival. We need one ticket!

We're not platinum in anything. There is the pizza eating contest. What? The clean up corner. The ball pit. And then pick one of those games. Why are we other two? Let's just do the one where we knock stuff over. That was going to be my suggestion. The ball throwing? We're all basically weapons experts. Yeah, the ball throwing. That's gotta be easy. We'll both have probably went through some cool giant teddy bears or something. The ball throw or the clean up for me.

Well, I was thinking the tunnel. You want to go into some dark, horrific alley where we can't see what's coming on a literal demon hell planet? Who gives me an excuse to kill whoever jumps out at me? Probably perverts. I'm not gonna lie. My knowledge of clown hell is not... it's fuzzy, but it's always the perverts in the tunnel. My vote is for anything that's even remotely close to target practice.

Alright, I vote for the one you said. The knocking stuff over. Come on. That's what I was saying. We're going to chuck some balls. Thanks. Oh, a perfect selection. Let's make our way to the ball throwing game. Oh, that's exciting. Ugh. And you move through the carnival of fun, led by this small goblin-esque clown creature. And

And he shuffles and hops in a similar way. You move past some of the games you saw before, the eating contest, with large, full sizes of pizza laid out on a table in front of you. Whoa. Can't beat us like that. Can't beat us like that. Man, Luigi the pizza clown has really been hard at work.

Oh, you know Luigi the pizza clown? Oh, I've heard of his work. Oh, the funnest joke on the internet. I wonder how much the pizza eating contest costs. One of the clowns looks at all the pizza as we walk past and goes, man, whoever wrote all this really fucked up. 400 credits, what a fucking ripoff. Damn it, Luigi.

Again. Can we deep freeze this? Can we deep freeze this? We have to have enough for anyone to play. And he gestures at the carnival. And you look around and this is desolate. There are a lot of...

like, fun time booths and games to play. And there are kind of like lights galore going off around, but kind of muted, like they're not operating at full power. All of the actual booths themselves made of wood.

and very extremely run down, most rotten in some way that you can see. You can see now very close to you off in the distance ahead, you see the twin spotlights move back and forth just ahead. And at the far end of the carnival, you can see another sign with two giant arrows pointing down at it that says "Pie Engineer Here." Guy!

You think that's where the pie engineer is? Yes. Whoa. I hope we get the tickets. Welcome right this way to the ball throwing event. Now, who is your first contestant?

Me first! Me first! Me first! Get the fuck out of my way! Oh, thanks, Mr. Terrible Clown Demon. Don't explode on me. Give me a ball. Of course, we don't explode. That would

Oh, just put your hand right on the table. Oh, my hand? Okay. Just put your hand right out on the table. And as you press down, a spike shoots up from the table and pierces your palm. Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow, the vet's going to leave a mark. Hold your hand up.

You take three points of piercing damage. And as the spike recedes back down, you bleed into the table a little bit. Price of admission paid! Five points? Three. I knew it was an odd number. You... Here are three balls.

Three balls. He hands you three red, like, squishy balls. And at the other end of this, you see slowly moving back and forth targets that look like the horned geese. The horned geese. But they're small. They're small. Like, you know, classic, your target size. All you have to do is throw at the target and knock it back. Three strikes and you're away.

Do we see any carnival goers at all? No. Not at all? So it's like totally abandoned, everything's over like loudspeakers. Completely devoid. Holy fuck. Okay, I got this. I'll do a little bit of a juggle and then I'll grab one and then suddenly my hat will have a brim. I'll pull it around. Hey, better, better, better, better. Suddenly my hand will morph into a big catcher's mitt. And I will... I'm breaking out in a cold sweat. Yeah.

is my arm will go back and suddenly I'll spin and spin and spin and spin until it's just a blur of my arm in rotation. I'm gonna just throw it as hard as I can. - He winds up and here's the picture! Roll an attack roll. - Attack?

Like a physical attack or a spell attack? You roll a spell attack. You're a demon clown. I'm gonna use a twist, because I think it's fine to use a twist. Two. I rolled two twos in a row. Oofta. Spell attack, you say. I definitely... Ten. Ten! As you spin your arm and you rocket this red ball,

You throw it as hard as you can and it limply arcs up into the air and lands down just without even reaching the geese on the other side. Does a pixelated dog show up and go boop boop boop?

Oh, I hate that fucking dog. Okay, that's no biggie, that's no biggie. You know what they say, second charm is the time. Oh, we say that here too. Okay. Second charm's the time. Second charm's the time.

I think he has already lost. You have to get three. I'm gonna try... I take off my hat, the baseball cap goes to the side. Now my bald spot is very prominent. I'll breathe out and my gut will appear underneath my bowling shirt as my shoes won't really change at all as I then go with the bowling grip.

Okay, everyone said that no one actually likes bowling and it's for people with no friends or hobbies. Let's show them wrong, gang. I'll do a thing and I'll do a spin. I'll do a Fred Flintstone Yabba Dabba do bowling and I do an underhand and I'll try to throw the ball that way. What?

As you release the ball and you throw it out and roll a spell attack. Let's prove him wrong. Oh yeah! That's gonna be a 27. A 27. You, uh, Pat has fallen to the side, full bowling shirt on, your shoes are the same. You spin your arm and you rocket this red ball forward. It soars like a bullet through and strikes one of the horned geese, uh, and it falls off without knocking it back. Oh yeah, do I win?

Oh, you have to knock them down! Look at the goose. You made me do this. You know what you did. No more myth and knife chuckles. I'll re-pick my hat, I'll come back on and it'll suddenly turn into like an army style helmet. I'll put black lines under my eyes.

a cloud horn version of "It Ain't Me" starts playing. And I'll reach into my hat and I will pull out a huge bazooka as I take the ball off of Guthunk into the bazooka. Clear! As I'm going to fire in the hole as I blast off the ball at the

- At the goose. - Oh no. - Natural one! - I ain't no natural one! - I ain't no natural one! - Your helmet has born to kill on it. - Born to kill. - Born to honk. - Born to honk. - Born to honk. - Born to honk. - As you fire out of the bazooka, the end of it explodes in your face. The ball, once again, rockets out, slams into one of the honk geese.

Doesn't even begin to move it as the ball falls to the ground and rolls back. Your helmet around your head spinning as you start to see honky swirling around you and the stars. With that, the bazooka will go and lift down. Fuck outta here! Player one is spent! Would anyone else like a go? I failed! You hit one and it didn't even knock down. Is it even possible to win?

Of course it's possible to win at the carnival of fun! Yeah, it's an old wives tale that these games are rigged, Laboosh. But he hit the geese and it failed to fall over. Alright, I'm next and I throw my hand down onto the spike. Well, hold on a minute. Spike shoots up out of the countertop.

And you take four points of piercing damage. I'm getting max damage here. No, the die has gone up, actually. He offers you four red balls. The price has been paid! Player two, enjoy the game! Before you throw any of those red, I was going to suggest maybe you just grav cannon this whole thing.

You have the same fucking idea. If this game's rigged, then I'm gonna be fucking rigged too. And I'm gonna shoot one of the pins. Roll a tackle. That's cheating! 19. With a 19, you do hear the engine whir up. Vroom.

Boom! As the Aether Cannon fires out a blast, it lands cleanly onto one of the demonic honk geese and it knocks it down. Oh! A success! Why didn't you fucking say so? Roll two more attack rolls. I presume that they get faster, Galaga style, each time you knock one out. Should I twist this? One twist. Another 19.

And a 24. Fire out two blasts at the honk geese. Uh...

moving targets as they move back and forth. Uh, the timing does seem to shift, but not just faster. Sometimes as you fire in a moment, it'll move slower. Uh, but you're no, uh, you're no new combatant. You're a grizzled veteran. Uh, and you can track these and anticipate this shift as you blast out with the cannon and knock down the final two geese. Uh, what a,

Did you have fun? As the wind, like, blows our hair back from the ether cannon shots landing, I'm just going to put my hand on his shoulder and say, well done, big guy. All right. Where's the ticket? Oh, right here, sir.

And he hands you a deep red ticket that has one symbol on it. It just has a black border around the edge, like almost in pencil. And in the center, a jet black smiley face with a square-toothed grin and white eyes. All right, here you go. Thanks. Do whatever the fuck you need to. We're the prize.

You may select from the following prizes! Oh, the cutest one there. But tickets are non-transferable. Does it disappear from my hand? Uh, it will, as you open your hand to look, it will swirl out of your palm and land back with Rhett. Oh! Alright, fine, I'll hold onto it. It's probably for the best anyway. You gotta pick a prize, Rhett! Ugh. What are the options?

There is a slightly larger, probably about the size of a squishable. They're all the size of a squishable. One is the horrible horned goose monster. The next is a hideous looking clown goblin creature with jagged crooked teeth.

The third is a cute pig. The fourth is a like off color seltzer bottle. Whoa. Oh, I mean that pig's pretty cute. Yeah, do the pig, do the pig, do the pig. What do you think, Pike? Yeah, it's great. I just want to talk to the engineer. Pick one and let's go. All right, I'll take the pig.

Not the choice I would have made, but no wrong fun. He pulls the pig off the wall and hands it over to you. And as you squish it, it goes, All right. Why don't you hold on to this bike? All right. I need two hands from a cannon.

As you hold this pink... Oh, Lucky! He gets like uncomfortably close to me. I'm like three inches from your face. He's right there. You can feel Chuggles' hot breath strike your face. I just slowly tuck it under my left arm. Oh, Lucky! As you put your arm down, you hear... And I just keep it wedged underneath my arm so that I have my other hand free.

Let's go see the engineer. All right. Well, I guess we passed it on the way here. So I'll start walking back to where the big glowing arrows are pointing. Yeah. Let's go talk to the engineer. I'm glaring daggers. My little pixel daggers are coming out of my eyes. I told you.

Yes, you're like right here, like, I'm just like, trying to like move my head farther back. You're firing these daggers out of your eyes at Pike, and they're materializing and just landing in a throwing board behind him as you move along. Fine. Deathclaw, thank you, tiny goblin demon clown. Oh, it has been my pleasure.

to enjoy the games of fun. We promise with you. And...

You make your way away from the, uh, ball-throwing game, and you pass a couple others. Uh, you pass the ring toss, you pass the cavern, uh, carnival ride of, uh, good memories, we promise. Uh, and you make your way over to the second set of gates within the carnival.

And you see the sign that says Pi Engineer here with giant red arrows blinking and moving. And it's at this moment, Brandish your ticket for entry to the Pi Engineer! Alright, here it is! Hooray! And you hold up the ticket and you hear, Ho, ho, ho.

as it dissolves into flames in front of you. And as it turns to smoke and ash, the gates creak open. That's a good thought. Let me do the talking. And it admits four, right? We fucking established that. Yeah, we already have a little truffle-worthy goblin guy.

A communal ticket of fun! Everyone can enter! Yours is mine! We all share here, huh, buddy? Let's get this over with. And I just walk past Chuckles. I, like, push him out of the way. I, like, walk past him and through the gate. The Scroogeable's still under my left arm. Uh... That happens exactly. You move through.

And you are, you walk just a little bit forward and you walk kind of down a, like a gated pathway. And you can see at the back of what opens up into what looks like maybe

It possibly was a petting zoo beforehand. You can see kind of like feed laying about, hay in certain places as you move forward. And at the back of it, the twin spotlights at the other end of the petting zoo. And you see, as you enter... I put it somewhere...

You see a familiar dark silhouette at the other end of the open field in front of you. Impossible to actually catch her figure until you step closer. But this is clearly the silhouette of whatever beckoned you to the weave before. Was it from episode one? From episode one. Do any of, do we all recognize this?

Or is it only Chuckles that has that? I would say Chuckles and Laboosh. Okay. Because Laboosh fell prey to it. Right. Mm-hmm. Right. Okay. Is that the beautiful fire in that beckoned me through the weave? Do I tough mine eyes deceive me? Oh, hells. Hey! Are you the engineer?

Do you move in to address her? I-I, no. I stay right there. I move in. I shout at it. I try to get a closer look. Uh, you move in. You stay just outside. Uh, the boss doors close. Behind us. Cutting you out from the encounter. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Uh, there are no boss doors. Reset, quick, quick, reset! Oh!

um that's funny you see as you move in to the area uh a female clown standing in front of you

Hello? Does... Well, I had a description. I was looking for it. Go ahead. No, wait. Oh, there it is. The figure that taunted you before, enticing you to enter the honk stream. You see a woman with wild blonde hair tamed up into twin peaks stretching out to either side of her head.

This is a psyop.

You will see a literal cartoon heart shape will go thump, thump, thump, thump, as my tongue will lull out. There will be a horn that goes oooogah, oooogah, and my eyes will pop out as I will get a clownish wolf head. And I'll say, oh, it is dog!

Fyron. Oh, from me. It's me. It's me. Do you remember me? Chuckles. It's me from the ship earlier. It was a while ago. Do you remember me? Hi, hi, hi. These are all my friends. You're gonna, I hear you. We're here to talk about, about, I mean, you're very caked up. I mean, our ship is caked up. Okay, okay. I mean, I mean. I couldn't possibly be so lucky. Oh.

- Yeah, oh, it's me, yeah, it's no big deal. We came here about a pie. - I didn't think I would ever get you to come back. - And as she says that for a split second,

Something that rattles in your mind about where you are. The area as you look out at her, she stands tall, and for a brief moment, everything flashes blood red around you as you feel the sensation of a blood rain fall about you. And she has a wicked, square-toothed grin as she looks at you. - Oh! Do the rest of us see this?

No. Just chuckles. Nope. Just chuckles, experiences that. Hey, Puck, do you know what a thyrin is? No, Rhett, I don't know what you're talking about. What? The words echo, those huge baggy clown pants aren't actually baggy.

Lipskin-type baby! Do we hear her voice change, though? At the end? Like, you... Yes. Yes, that you experience a very firm moment. And you can see, as she gets excited, there's almost a moment where she, like, flashes from pale white to, like, crimson red, and then back. Oh, this isn't good.

I can fix her. I mean, I've never... The blood is finally falling on me as I'm like, the bloody tears start to flow. I don't know. Rodnas, we need assistance to fix our ship. Can you help us?

I've never been here before. You may be mistaking me for another Chuckles. There's a lot of Chuckles in the canon. It's very confusing. People get very confused about it, but I'm just, you know, there's a lot of Chuckles. I don't know. Just like you. To not let

- Remember me? Well, let me see if I can jog your memory! Let me give you a big hug. - It's better not to wake him up than to ignore it. - Meet one of my dearest friends, Jack! - And I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throw. - Do I see what's coming? - You don't see what's coming.

Now I get my natural 20. Gotta give it up. Gotta give it up. Gotta give it up. I got a 16. 17. Excuse me. 17. 17. 22. Um, hold on. You gotta roll at disadvantage. What did you roll? I rolled a 5 and I rolled again and it was a 4. I'm taking the 4. I'm taking the 4. Brutal. I'm taking the 4. Uh, dexterity, you say? Oh, we'll plug a legend.

erupting out of the ground behind each one of you is a spring-loaded jack-in-the-box that moves back and forth. Chuckles immediately, you're snapped up into its grasp.

The two of you evade for one moment as a second jack-in-the-box erupts behind you, almost like a field of blooming flowers. Rhett, you're moving and rolling dexterously. One sprouts, two sprouts, leans forward to try and grab you. It can't quite land as they continue to move back and forth as they go to grip you, but the fourth one finally reaches down and gets you wrapped up in its grasp. I drop the stuffed animal.

As soon as I get caught, it slips out from my arm. No, Charlie! As I was back there springing, I dropped the animal and then I get caught. Oink. Oink. Lands on the ground at

I'm presuming I am similarly grappled. You are similarly grappled. You see the movements of these jack-in-the-boxes as they go back and forth and they begin to kind of stabilize. The weight of you all within their grasp as their arms wrap around you. They still kind of have a little momentum as you begin to come to a stop. You wouldn't believe.

I can't believe how hard it is to find so many people named Jack. And you'll see that at the end of the springs, these are what look like suspended death humans.

With crooked, crooked, flat-toothed smiles. That's pretty cool. And pinned open eyes with a similar bloodshot look. And tears stream down their face. So am I grabbed by one of these jack-in-the-boxes? Everyone is grappled. Everyone is grappled by a...

buy a jack-in-the-box. Oh, this is a nice trick, Jolly. Nice jacks-in-the-boxes. You know, Jolly, if I had a single credit for every time I got bamboozled from a boss from Big Funkin' 64, I'd have two credits, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. You still don't remember.

Do you? Am I supposed to, you know, I gotta say, I know I've been doing a lot of positive self mantras, but you're way out of my league, honey. I'm just being honest. There's not a whole lot here. I can never pull that. You know what I mean? I'm just saying that. You must be mistaking me with another clown with a W ribs, not the elves that I have. Oh, no. It's you. It's you. I would never forget. Maybe this will jog your memory. Ah.

And quickly, she produces a llama corn in about the size of a horse. A beautiful technicolor shaped llama, primarily, with a perfect horn that comes from his head. And she starts to ride it around you, around the petting zoo, around all of you. See how much fun we used to have? Oh, look! Oh!

You love llama corns! Well, that's true. I don't know how you knew that about me. I have a big tattoo. You still have a big... There's a giant sailor bison. I have a giant poplar arm. It's an eye-art llama corn. I'm the cloud car saucer since my other ride is a llama corn. That's funny. Oh.

Does this spark any memory, or am I just confused and, uh... And aroused. You are, at this point, you are just confused. But it is about to. I'm not gonna lie, I mean, this is actually my dream right now. I feel like I'm gonna be pinched and wake up. I mean, you don't have to pinch me. I mean, you could if you wanted to. I don't know. It's kind of weird, but I'm kind of into it. I don't know! I'm so confused! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

This ought to do it. And she rapidly produces a knife and draws a thin line of red across the throat of the llama corn. This is dark. It falls to the ground and a pool of blood begins to form. You got about two fucking seconds to resolve this, Chuckles! As this happens, you flash for one more moment. You see...

A girl standing in an altar and on it splayed out a llama corn, freshly butchered, blood running off onto the ground in front of you. The rain falls and her blonde hair hangs limply around her head. You look down and it's hard to tell whether it's tears or rain. And as you look down in this memory, you see human hands, not gloved.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. Why would you do that? No, no. I don't know who you are, Charlie. You don't know who I am. Why would you do that? Oh, I haven't had this much fun in so long. I tell you what, everybody. I'll make you a deal. Ha ha.

Leave Chuckles with me and I will fix your ship instantly. And better than that, I can deliver your friends back to you. What? I can feel the loss emanating from you. It's a simple task to bring them back. The only price is Chuckles, my favorite plaything. She starts to cartwheel around.

And not in like a gymnastic kind of cartwheel way, but in a way where her arms and legs don't shift or move in the slightest.

She forms kind of like a perfect four-point star shape and moves incredibly gracefully around. She continues to circle you until she reaches the Llamacorn blood. And as she moves through it, she slips slightly and falls in it and just begins cackling wildly. As soon as Jolly says that she has the power to bring back the people that we lost...

I haven't been struggling terribly much against the jack in the box grapple because I've been watching this unfold. I would attempt to break free as hard as I can, enraged, furious. Can I get free? Roll an athletics contest. And are you raging or not? I would love to rage.

Do I... I see this experience, but does it awaken... I'm just reading that as... I'm just having kind of this vision. It doesn't... I'm not sure if it's, oh, yeah, that's what it is. I'm just experiencing... I have no idea what's going on, correct? You don't...

You don't have an idea of what's going on, but you know that this feels like a memory instead of a vision. And you tie this very deeply to why you feel so strongly that this is an evil place. I rolled a one and a natural 20. Oh!

And I get a 28. With a 28, the rage bubbles through you. You can almost see your form popping and bubbling as you shatter the arms of this jack-in-the-box. You can hear viscerally. I don't have a pencil. If I did, I would snap it right now.

You can feel the bones crushing as this human Jack in the box's arms are ripped free from your control. I don't care. I pull the torso out of the box and straighten the straightening that it's been on, and I toss it down. I'll dare you! And I will attempt to jump and grapple Jolly to try to wrestle her. Oh, you have fun friends! Oh!

And you make it within about an inch as you stretch out your arm to grab at her before another jack-in-the-box erupts out of the ground, and they start to spring at you before it encaptures you again. And you are grabbing, you're reaching, you're grabbing, you're grasping, and you're just about an inch away from her face, and she is unmoving in her attempt to get away from you. Do something!

That's not very funny. That's not very funny at all! I'm going to attempt to vortex warp. Oh. I may, I don't know if I am restrained and I can't use somatic components. Um, but am I able to use vortex warp by myself? Yes. Oh, I have my feature, my special clown feature, where I'm able to basically just blink. I'm going to use that conjuration wizard feature.

is I'm going to attempt to, and this looks like a real llama corn or like a fake vision llama corn that's been killed? - This looks like a real llama corn that's just been killed. It's body fresh on the ground. You can smell almost the heat of the blood as it pours onto the ground. It smells like iron hangs in the air. - I am going to attempt to basically blink out of my bonus action and out of my hat pull out a large pie.

It's all like rainbow color probably similar to the color of the the llama corn's tail and main as I will just try to throw it at her very much upset as you go to do this as you draw on your power to vortex warp you get a sensation of an enhancement to your magical abilities as you go to draw on them and

Because steel sharpens steel, and honk sharpens honk. And in this space, you feel empowered. And as you vortex warp out, it is...

it's stronger than almost you expect it to be. As you think in some cartoonish way, you would move from the grasp of this jack-in-the-box to where you envision yourself to be. In an explosion of chaotic energy, the jack-in-the-box is disintegrated as you remove yourself from its grasp and you move to where you decide to be in the area. So yeah, that's a bonus action, just a magical feature.

something displacement or whatever, and it'll burst out, maybe like erupting into confetti or something. And I'd like to basically get out and pull out that rainbow pie and cast catapult at a third level.

And I'll say, "Look lady, you have the wrong chuckle. "There's a million of us. "I don't know who you are, but do not kill. "Pull a little llama coin that didn't do nothing to you." And I'm going to yeet the pie at this crazy lady. - Roll an attack roll. - I will roll an attack roll.

Technically, if you want to, if there's a cheesy way that she can easily escape, is a dexterity saving throw 16. But I will make an attack roll. And that is a... I'm going to use one twist, if that's okay. That is not good. So, 16. 16. You explode out of the grasp of this jack-in-the-box. You land furious in the space you decide to be. You pull out a pie that...

crackles with heat and rainbow energy as you toss it at Jolly. As the pie flies through the air and is approached to her, she raises a hand and it explodes into cheese. You've grown weak outside of the honk, Juggles. You used to be so much stronger than that.

No! You know, I've never been very strong, I've actually been quite weak, and I've been more of a nuisance than I have been a help to anybody! Thank you very much! I don't know who you are, crazy lady, and you know, I used to think that I wanted some caked-up, sick-eyed clown mommy to ruin my life, but now I'm not thinking I like it so much! So why don't we just fix our ship and we'll get the hell out of here? I would be happy to fix your ship! You asked for proof.

Yeah, fucking prove it! Can you bring Dandy back to us? In her palm, for a moment, as she moves her hand, she produces what looks like Dandy's... Arken gem at her core. Whoa. What is that supposed to tell me? I could piece her together as easy as I dismantle that pie! All you have to do is leave chuckles. Bullshit, I don't believe it. Not a chance in hell, Rhett.

This is another lie, it's a trick. I don't care if it is true, you sick bitch. You think that we would leave Chuckles here? Our friends would never forgive us. You don't even like Chuckles, let me guess. Does he frequently spread your credits on things you don't want or need? Yeah. Is there a closet on the ship filled with off-brand holiday weird ornaments?

full of them. Nothing but a nuisance. As you see kind of at her foot as she's been moving around, something's falling out in here. As a plaque hits the ground, a fish starts going, no, no, no, no. Space, let me do this. Space, let me do this. It was already space related. It made it more space related.

No, no. You leave my Decemberine decorations out of it. Jolly, if that really is your name. What I do know is that you're a demon from the clown hells. And I don't know who you are. You may think you know me, but you don't. And if that's what it takes to save my friends and get them out of this place, what's one more crew member of the Rhapsody gone in a day? Fine. Take me, you crazy clown. Chuckles, no. Oh.

Oh, I will take you, Chuckles, but you can't give yourself to me. I need them to offer you to me as a gift. Never. As an act. I would never. I'd rather live a hundred lifetimes with Chuckles as a nuisance than give you a moment's satisfaction. That would be dandy. Would it be her or would it just be some fucking facsimile of dandy? Oh, it would be her in her entirety. Smile. And the one made of sand, too.

Lost to the ages. It would be a simple task to bring them back. I will allow you to discuss it. You don't have to make the decision right now. I will come back. You have two minutes. Oh no you don't! I didn't throw another pie. I'm blowing my resources here. She disappears in a poof of red smoke.

And the pie flies straight through her and crashes into the wall behind. It hits with such force that it rips open a section in the gate of the carnival. But she dodges it effortlessly. If the llama corn body is still there, I'll run up to it to see if there's any chance that it'll like, oh, no, no, no. You run up to the llama corn on its side, red blood dripping out from it.

It is alive, but it's a breath incredibly shallow. Oh, paging Dr. Bozo. The reflector. Yeah, the reflector. Are we still restrained? Yes, you're still restrained. Just before we get there. Laboosh.

You also have a strange sensation in this place at this moment filled and bubbling with rage. You imagine yourself within your mind and through all of the things that have happened to you, you sit on what feels like a beach looking out over white sand that stretches off in front of you and

It's almost calming. Almost. And then you're back in the petting zoo. Chuckles, you are Dr. Bozo'd up. Oh, I need a roll for my wild magic. I'm going to explode the poor llama cord. Oh, thank God. I actually don't have any... No way!

I'll have like a doctor's outfit I prescribe anti-dying and I'll write on a pad and it's the worst handwriting you've ever seen and I'll hand it to the like I'll put it on the lava corn oh I realized I don't know I don't have anything I don't know how to be a doctor I'm not Dr. Pozo Dr. Pozo died a hundred years ago roll an animal handling check add advantage I have so much I can do

Oh! Advantage, thank God. That was a natural one. I'm the more handling. 19. 19. With a 19, you are not Dr. Bozo. No. You know that it's beyond your current means to save the life of this creature, but you understand llama corns. You love them deeply, and you know that should you choose to do so, you could end its suffering. Mercifully. I am not going to do that.

I am going to... What I'm going to do is I will just be with it, and I will basically kind of pet its head as I'm going to say, Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know who did this to you. I don't know where you came from. I don't know why it seems so familiar. I'm very confused, and I'm scared like you are, little fella. Get me out of here, and I can save the goddamn critter. What I'll do is I'll basically...

I will basically kind of pull out a, into my hat and I will pull out a, out of my hat will be a stuffed rabbit that looks like it's made out of sweets. As I will place it and I'll use my magic to have it kind of like dance around and like play a little song. It'll be very soft and soothing as I'll just basically pat its head. Do I feel like I can get out in any way?

- You feel like you can try. - I'm gonna try to use all the arms and break out. Maybe Hank will bite one of the, you know, bite the guy in the face. - Roll an athletics contest. - That's pretty good. - That's pretty good. - Pretty good. And I think I'm proficient.

I am. 20. Nice. 20. With a 20, in a similar fashion, your mechanical arms and your actual arms push at the grasp of the jack-in-the-box, and you're able to rest yourself free as you fall to the ground. And it snaps its arms back closed, empty.

And as you hit the ground, the jack-in-the-boxes start sprouting again, but this time with the distance of Jolly a little bit slower. I will hustle up to the llama corn and I'll lean down and one of the nozzles will extend from the ether engine and you'll hear it. And it's going to kind of like spray almost like a gel across its throat to stay the bleeding. And I'm casting Spear of the Dying on it just for now.

If it'll work, I don't know if it's gonna work on it, but I'm casting Spare the Dying. I touch a living creature that has zero hit points. The creature becomes stable. It has no effect on undead or constructs.

And then once I feel like it's not just about to die, then another arm will extend and it'll have a large syringe on it. And it'll inject into the side of the llama corn and it'll cast Cure Wounds on it. It's gonna turn into a fucking demon.

Both of these arms come out from either side of you. One with the paste as you draw a blue line across the throat of the Llamacorn. The other injects into its flank as you pump healing properties into it. The Llamacorn begins to buck and kick at the piercing of the needle when it enters its flank. And it...

swiftly stands back up. And it starts licking you first, Chuckles. You're alive! It worked! Rhett, you saved it! And then it starts licking you, Rhett. Oh, don't mention it. It's nothing. Hops deftly around the two of you for a moment, and then hops out of the petting zoo. Run away from this place! Fly away! You can fly! Use your wings! Chuckles, you're gonna stay here.

Do you understand? Yeah, I'll stay here and you guys get out of here. Get Dandy and Kavir back. They're way more powerful than I am. They'll be able to save the day. I'll just...and now we save that little llama corn. I'll be holding this plush rabbit as it's been playing "Always I wanna be with you" and the rainbow will be appearing from behind it.

as I will, I'll just be kind of holding it now, and I'll be, I'll say, "I don't know who this crazy bitch is. "I'm just gonna say it, I have no idea. "I don't know why she thinks she knows me. "There's a million chuckles, there's a million clowns. "I mean, I don't know why she thinks "I'm somebody that I'm not. "This is crazy talk." - You get to hang out here with your clown people and your llama corns, and we'll get Dandy back

You'll get Kvir back. You two fucking leave. It'll be like the old days. Red, listen to yourself. I am still, uh, I'm still, uh, uh, grounded. The moment that I realized that I couldn't, like, easily slip out, I stopped fighting against it, and I've just been watching and taking in everything that's happening. And so from, uh, where this thing is holding me, I just, I address Red. You can't be serious. She's fucking...

Serious, and she has the power to bring Dandy back? You don't just get a fucking undo button, Pike. That is a fucking gift! Th-that's just it, Rhett. There is no undo button. Whatever she's saying, whatever she's promising, it's not real. Think about what we've just been through the entire time we've been in this hellscape. None of it is reality. We promised her we were gonna protect her. You're right. Fucking promised! And you know what?

The Saurians made one big mistake. They didn't realize that the single thing we're best at is hunting. And when we get out of here, and when we fix the ship, and we get any kind of lead, we're gonna hunt them down until the ends of this galaxy. But even if she could bring them back, Laboosh is right. Think about how disappointed Dandy would be in us if we traded chuckles for her. But that's just the thing, Pyke.

We're fucking bounty hunters! We're not fucking the Empire! We're not cut out to fucking deal with time genies and fucking kingdoms of dinosaurs and fucking clown demons! He's right! He's right! Get Dany back and then she can play King Donut 64 without me! It's actually the two-player game! I'm just gonna watch her play! I mean, it's a one-player game!

It's fine! I'll be fine here! I don't even know if we had the full fucking might of the Empire if we could get Dandy back. And who knows? If they fucking changed her, she's not gonna want to come back. Man, I wish I had a cigarette. It is a trick. There's no way she can bring back Dandy or Kavir. Or if she can, they would be twisted and somehow evil like everything here.

Don't you see? There's no right answer except for us to fight. Plus, use your brain, Rhett. If we leave him here, we're never getting out of here. What other choice do we have? Well, for one, we figure out a way to deal with these things, and then when she shows up, we pound her into the dirt. Chuckles. Think hard.

How do you know this woman? I don't know! She's a lion! She's a temptress! She's a fire-in! Didn't you feel like, "Oh, wow!" But, "Ahh! Oh! Uh!" No! I mean a little bit, but no! "I mean, uh! Uh! Uh!" My face will basically be a mask of the comedy and the tragedy faces going back and forth.

I don't know. There's something that's so familiar about it, but I don't know. I don't remember. I don't know. I didn't have these. I had five fingers, and they were real skinny and not like pure white with those weird lines for some reason. I don't know why I have these lines. It's clown flesh, but I don't know.

I don't know, I think she's actually a Mötley and all these demons and whatever it is. I don't know who the fuck she is. Are you saying that you had memories of the time when you were human? That's-- I mean, there was a human, it's a dream or a memory, I don't know! There was blood, there was a llama corn, there was an altar, there was a lady,

I don't know, I don't know, maybe was that jolly? Was that jolly in my memories? Was I seeing it or am I just truly mad? Is it all just my thoughts? Is it all just the discord? The force of discord is the force of lies, you know. That's why the Empire has its kill on sight. He doesn't want, I mean, we've lost whole planets to the discord. We've lost all of them.

I don't know. I don't know, fellas. I don't know. All I know is that I can't fix the caked-up Rhapsody, folks. I can't. That's all, folks. That's all I'm saying. All I know is that if she's able to do it, maybe she'll be a clowness of her word. I don't know. What if we... Oh, you're so close, Chuckles. You're almost there. In a plume of red smoke, Jolly appears back in the...

in the enclosure. Oh, sick. And as she arrives with full force, the jack-in-the-boxes erupt out of the ground again. And anyone who is not restrained currently is restrained once more. I gave you your time. It is your decision. No deal. No deal. You're right. No.

Deal. You're right. You're fucking lying. You can't bring Dandy back. You're not that powerful. And I'll spit on the ground. There must be something you want other than chuckles. We will play more games. We will dance and sing, tell jokes, fix our ship and let us go.

♪ Dance and sing and telling jokes ♪ ♪ Is there anything else you have to offer? ♪ And she approaches you, LaBouche, and as she does, she extends out a deep red claw as she touches you. And for a moment, there's a strange resonance

She's almost surprised. Oh, you might have something I want more than chuckles. I feel a little self-conscious. And for a second, everything stops. And there's a brief moment where you hear a voice in your mind, like a story you remember as a child. Her author is a liar.

I can restrain her momentarily, but you will have to break yourselves free and make it back to your ship. She was never going to let all of you go. This is like a thought that crosses my mind, or do I hear it as though someone's whispering to me? It feels...

You hear it almost like a memory, but of a memory, a time someone spoke those words to you as if they were reading to you a storybook as a child. And that's how the words feel. To put it in D&D parlance, or to pop culture parlance, the Weaver is Obi-Wan Kenobi-ing you. Are we sure it's the Weaver? Or the voice of George Newbern? Ha ha ha!

Oh my god! What is Perfect Jackson? But only Labouche can hear this. Or the venom parasite. Do I suspect that it's the weaver? Or a voice of something else that's within me?

I think it would be reasonable for you to suspect that it is the Weaver. Oh. Not George Newbern. Not George Newbern. Shucks. Whoever that is. Yeah, whoever that is. The voice of Superman, Sephiroth. Oh. Sephiroth doesn't have a voice. Lovely. Something dark rests within you. Oh. This...

This would change things. Yeah, you can take it! We don't even know what it is! We don't care about it! Take it and let it go and don't do any more mean stuff to any lava cores, please. Oh, it just has to be freely offered to me and I could accept it easily. And this would change everything. You have no intention of letting us go. It doesn't matter if we agree or disagree. I know.

I may be one friend fewer, but I still have friends! Hurtful words! I don't see what you're going to do about it. We need to get out of here! We need to escape! Yeah, we don't care how hot

And sexy and convincing and beautiful and strangely alluring you are, weirdly. And we don't care about all the confusing feelings that you're instilling in all of us, certainly, it's not just me. I look to Labouche and I say, "Are you sure?" We have to run. If we can get back to the ship, I am confident we will be able to escape. Then we gotta fucking find our way out! And I'm gonna try to like break out and shoot her, I guess.

Roll an athletics contest. Anyone who would like to try and break out. Well, I would like to break out, but I don't feel like I should have to roll anything because I'm just going to use my solar step and teleport. Okay.

- Okay. - I will do it as well, 'cause I've exhibited, I've exerted that power for the day. - I would basically, I would be waiting to see what my friends are doing, and the moment that someone is successful being free, I don't want her to know or to think that I have the ability to just be released whenever I want. The moment that I would see Rhett burst out and hit the ground, or Laboosh burst out and move forward, I'd be out of there like a shot. - Actually.

What you'll see is as you make the claim that your offer is disingenuous, she'll begin to react. Give me your power! Offer it to me freely! I could use it easily with this! It wouldn't be disingenuous at all!

Something slams into her face. A presence appears just for a moment from behind you as something fires out and lands onto her head. And as it collides with her, her head rubber bands backwards for a moment as it's shrouded in white cloth. And then she snaps back and she starts to...

I'll shatter the body that's holding me easily and continue to, um...

Now that I think that I can overpower the jacks to a certain degree, what I'm gonna try to do is stretch my arms 15, 20 feet out in both directions and essentially push them aside to create a lane to the exit door that the llama corn left through so that we can all try to run down it like an aisle. Roll an attack roll.

And I would also like to, I'm not gonna, seeing that she's distracted and seeing how powerful she is, I basically want to lay down, like, covering fire. So, like, shooting any jacks in the boxes that are, like, trying to grab us. Or if she breaks free, like, trying to at least get her to take cover. Two fourteens.

Two 14s, you fire your arms forward, and with great power, you attempt to spread the feel of the jack-in-the-boxes, and you bend the metal forms that they're on for a moment as they spread out. Rhett, you look back and you just start peppering the field behind you as you're laying into these jack-in-the-boxes.

It starts kicking up dust. Red mist enters the air.

as you obscure the field of battle. And you all are able to begin to run out of the clearing that you're in. - As I run out, I will use, you'll see out of my elbow another pseudopod just quickly pop out and a smaller hand will grab the pig from the ground and connect it to me as I continue to run forward. - Oink.

I'm gonna grab the cinnamon roll rabbit that I have, that I made for the llama corn, if it's still there. And I'm gonna be, "Oh, oh, I don't know what's going on! Oh, why am I so conflicted? Oh, oh man, we're all feeling really just like wild conflicting feelings right now, guys." When I catch up to the gang, I'll whispering as I run, to the best of my ability, that's hard to do, but you would hear my voice, "It's the weaver! He whispered to me, he can get us out of here!"

Alright, then no stopping until we get back to the Rhapsody, understood? Kill everything! And literally, if I see anything, any goblin, any goose, I'm just gonna shoot at it as we're running back. Cap, you all start sprinting back to the Rhapsody. You race out of the carnival. Oh, as I pass the pizza-eating contest, I'll grab a slice of pizza, have that go down,

and I'll grab one of the prizes from the nearby counter. I see that it's a first-generation Amazon Fire Stick. I throw it down to the ground. And then I continue to throw it to the counter. You trip and hit your head on the corner of the table and die immediately. LAUGHTER

Oh, lasagna pizza! What are these? The prize of Eldritch, Eldritch Orange Cat. He's hanging there, his scarf... Everyone slips on a banana peel and hits their head on the ground and you're all dead. Uh,

You see that, you see the Amazon fire stick and everything. You start racing out of the carnival, you're running and you're running and you start to hear this deep demonic screaming from behind you. Oh shit.

and it is deep and guttural, as you sprint out of the carnival. Looking back over your shoulder, you look up at the sign of the Carnival of Fun, and you see where it was covered in dust and cobwebs, and you see sitting in the dead center of it a small black spider as it remains on the side. Let's fucking go! Really cool, really cool.

Oh, I'm glad we called that guy. I don't know how I did it. Oh, good job, Laboosh. Good job, Chuckles. Um...

Mikey is expecting Jolly to fly after us on a goose Tiamat demon. Stop spoiling his campaign, man. No, I assume that she's going to walk out backwards on a giant ball covered in scars. Oh, man. That's good to hear. But anyway, I am... So I think Chuckles is not... I don't buy it.

So I'm gonna be like, "Huh? Huh? Huh?" And I feel like I chuckle. I'm not sure if I am hoping I don't see her or if I do see her. Yeah, that makes us do us. Oh, she didn't chase her. Does that mean she doesn't like him? Yeah. Oh, is he gonna come after us? Not worth chafing? You see...

Almost like explosions start to come from the carnival. These red blasts of energy as you hear these, the thunderous sound of bursting, like dark rage starts to explode behind you as you're racing back a familiar pathway. You see, you realize

run past the littered bodies of the demon, the exploding demons from before. You see a couple of them as they're grasshopper-ing, jumping around as you're moving to and fro, each one of you marking them easily. Bang! Boom! Boom! As you don't miss a beat, continuing to run, Ether Energy Cannon Blast, extending arms,

The tears of a clown, magenta blasts all erupt from the party as you move through and you leave a trail of bodies behind you as you race back. You move between that same jagged outcropping of rock. You see the silhouette now, the black shape with the...

squared toothed grin now with a look of rage on its face as you move and the eyes once again track you as you move past it it feels very much that way you make it back to the Rhapsody

And you see that, dispelled from it, sitting on either side of the engines are two full, uh, cinnamon pies. Wait, how big are they? Just about the size of like the jet engines of the Rhapsody. They're very large. Oh yeah, this is good cloud time! It's gonna work, let's get the fuck outta here! How do we, what? What? With the pies? Huh?

I just mean to say that the pies that were gumming up the engine... Oh! They've been like cleaned and reformed. They have cleaned and reformed an actual pie shape on the ground to either sides of the engine. Like the magic was absorbed, fully removed, recreated, and moved to the side. I thought we were supposed to use the pies to somehow escape. That's what I thought too. Okay. Sorry everybody. No, I'm with you. It was the best with me. I'm... Ugh!

I will remotely have the gangplank drop, and if we can, just book it as quickly as I can to the cockpit. Cinnamon, I've tasted that pie before. And that is the exact flavor you couldn't place before that rattled in your head, something that you had experienced from previously. Cinnamon, so simple. How could that not come to your memory? I'll look at the cinnamon roll rabbit that I have, and I'm like,

Gosh, I gotta talk to somebody about all this. Oh, I don't know if my space insurance covers space therapy. Oh well, we'll talk about it. Can we bring all this shit with us? You never know when it'll come in handy. Do we get insurance? I'm gonna... I just ignored it. I'm gonna try to put both pies into my hat. Roll an Arcana check. I'm gonna use One Twist.

- That's what they're there for. - Not good. One more twist, 'cause I want this to sanitize. Okay, no, it's meant to be. - Fake. - I believe that is a... - 10? - A, no, hold on, sorry. I have a card right here. - Nine.

With a nine. I rolled a seven. As you are all very hurriedly getting onto the Rhapsody, Chuckle pauses for a moment. The two pies to either side, tries to collect them. But the energies, the arcane magics of them are almost too heavy. So you stop and you begin to cut slices and you'll continue like this until somebody stops you.

Yeah, I would have like a giant-- You hear the engines roar off. The dust is getting kicked up. Oh, I couldn't possibly-- You get started to have it like, raise just a little bit off the ground. I couldn't possibly eat the whole thing. You get out like a seesaw blade. Oh yeah, I have a lumberjack, like a kidney. As I start sawing, "Oh, I couldn't possibly do the whole thing in one sitting." Oh, that's sinful.

"Juggles, I'll bring the pie inside! We need your help to get into the hogweed!" I look like I have to the warms. "Oh, I'm dead!" "Come on, I need to find some of this pie!" Is the way under the Rhapsody wide enough that I could bring one of the pies?

I think I can bring one slice. You can bring a slice is what we're getting to. A slice is what I'm getting to. So you're seesaw blading the pie and after a moment you see the Rhapsody... ...more to life and it does start to lift off the ground a little bit as Rhett's made it to the cockpit, brought it back to life and the engines are at full blast.

and you see it kind of like, just take off just a little bit as you're able to cut a slice out of this cinnamon pie and shove it into your hat as you presumably dash on-- This is the most important play of my god. I grab it by the back of the pants and pull it on the floor.

Oh man, I secured Charlie's pie! Oh, slice of Italy, just slice. Just the taste. Just the slice. It's not even a crumb, I got a little pie. Just a sample, ooh.

As soon as he's on board, I'll gun the thruster and shoot. I don't know if going up into the sky is going to take us back. Chacos, get the fuck up here! Oh yeah, I'm going in. Okay, gosh. As you run to the front of the ship to get into your dunk tank to try and wrest the Rhapsody out of the area, you do in the...

You do, in the distance, see a winged creature erupt from the carnival. And as it begins to grow larger and larger in the rearview mirror, you see behind it a flock start to form. As...

- And the Honkgeese fly in a V. - Leboos, dunk me, quick, quick, quick, quick. - Gigantic honking Rockgeese terror monsters, demons, fly after you. - Are we ready to go into the weave? - Yeah, man, right now! - I'll pull the pig off of my elbow and I will whip it at the button to dunk him into the tank. - Snorkel flippers. - You throw, as you get the breathing device, pull the goggles down.

You got your flippers on, and the pig just somersaults through the air as it hits the throw pad, and it flips back. Choo!

And you fall into the water, accessing your power. Open your eyes, I see. Your eyes are open. Wear no disguise for me. Come into the open when it's cold outside. And I will...

Am I here in vain? Hold on to the night. There will be no pain. The traditional change of punk number five does not call out as this new song is sung. Uh, and the, uh, a similar disc flies out into the air. This rips open a massive opening, uh,

back into the Honk Weave, that red tunnel. You feel like you're in the middle of it as opposed to entering it from a mouth or leaving it a mouth. You're kind of coming in as if you're Osmosis Jones cutting into a blood vessel as you burst back into the Honk Weave.

The ship, the Rhapsody, spools back in and flattens out and almost like diving into a rip current, the ship is pulled immediately down the line. You see as the hole starts to close behind you, you can see the flock of demonic honk geese as they get ever and ever closer. And the head of one extends out as the hole snaps shut

and the unblinking bloodshot eyes of the trumpet-headed goose is severed and enters the honk stream behind you as you careen down its pathway.

Hank dives into the navigator spot, punches in the only coordinates he has. You fire out. Rhett, more focused, you punch in the throttle. You're best, buddy! The Rhapsody starts to soar through the Honkweave as now, finally, you come to an opening and you explode out of the Honkweave into space. And live in harmony, harmony, harmony!

Weaver, if you are listening, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Are you talking to him? I am talking to the air. I don't know if I'm talking to him or not. And you heard his voice? Yes. Man, what the fuck? So is he still alive? Or is it some sort of ghost or something? I think he is still alive. And I think that he is watching over us.

I'm gonna walk over to one of the windows and just look out into the vast expanse of space to make sure that we are in space and just take it all in and... Did we make it? Are we alright? I'm okay. No fucking geese with fucking bicycle horn threads behind us? Not that I can see.

And it's as you look out the window that you see those familiar pastel cotton candy skies of space. And you are back.

It's also at that moment. This is the crackling red energy of the weave right behind you as the severed head of the trumpet goose does explode out of the weave behind you and crash lightly into the ship. I like I guess for a second and then I'm like, man, I need a cigarette. I'm going to reach over and I'm going to pull chuckled out of the dug tank and I'm going to give him a big hug.

And then I'm gonna set him down. We made it! I will hug you back, kind of like, almost automatically, but I'm very, like, clearly, like, distant. As, like, I'm not there, as I'll just... You'll put me down, I'll just jelly onto the floor. Very similar to, like, LaBouche, as I'll just kind of be staring up as I'm covered in, like, colorful seltzer bubbles as it kind of dissipates back into this water. You're going to be okay. As I'm staring up. It's all right, Chuckles. We're safe now.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh! Pike, it's your lucky fucking day.

Oh, yeah? You know I always have an emergency pack for you. And I'll open up the glove compartment of the Rhapsody. And I'll unshuffle behind paperwork and random booklets and stuff. There are three different registrations. Two expired. From years ago, the cellophane wrapping it is yellowed. The Rhapsody owner manual falls out still wrapped and never been opened. At least five cassette tapes with black paper.

- I gingerly take the path. - Cool jams one, cool jams two. - Spacey DC. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spacey DC. I love Spacey DC. Fuck that shit. Shit. - I gingerly unwrap it and with a smile and a nod, I pop one of the cigarettes out. I place it in between my lips and I light it. I take a long drag as I sink back onto the couch and I kick my legs up onto the coffee table. Now what?

Now we have to find the nearest port and get the repair and start our hunt, I think. We need some leads. I think we gotta get back to bounty hunting. We need time to rest and repair. And whether I'm gonna repair all those fucking ships or we get some help. Actually, do I know of anyone or any planet or space station or whatever where I would go to

if I needed repairs knowing that all of our personal ships are totally fucked up and the Rhapsody's probably not in the best shape. Would I think, oh, I could just handle that over several days or a week or would there be somewhere where I would go to with someone that I trust? - You think you all have traveled on the Rhapsody together for a while now. You have tinkered on every piece of mechanic that enters your ship.

you feel like you certainly have the expertise, though it is a large task. You figure that you have the expertise to be able to repair the ships, but there are also places that if you wanted someone to do it for you, you know that you could dock in a more official docking station, larger towns, anything that's

related to ships in some way. There are places that come to mind where a work of this magnitude you could definitely seek help with. But it's more a matter of time as opposed to anything would be beyond your ability to accomplish. The sparrow is completely busted. We definitely need to get some cash. But between dealing with the boss

going after and finding Rex, or picking up another bounty here or there. It's only a matter of time before we hear some kind of news about where potentially Dandy might be. Now that they have their Archon, they might make a move sooner rather than later. And knowing us, trouble always finds us. Chuckles! Yeah? Life is a bitch, get up!

I know she is. We all have our pain, get up! Life is a bitch, come on! She's like a demon succubus. Did you all feel the pain of... that you hated her, but you also kinda loved her too? And then you're actually kinda sad that she's gone now, even though she's a horrible demon who's trying to kill us? Do you guys feel that too? That's some crazy Discord magic. No! You guys feel like that too? I think that's just you. It's a fucking miracle.

that we have powers beyond our mortal comprehensions looking out for us. You understand that? Yeah. The Rhapsody team does it again.

Yeah, we do. Oh! You dropped your pig pie. I'll reach down and I'll pick up points. It's floating on the top of the drunk tank. I like, it's like sopping wet. Just kind of like, I shake it out and I set it on like the short coffee table. The one in the clown outfit.

- Oh my God! - That's an exact, redacted, redacted. - I like shake it out and I just like set it on another small table next to the couch to let it like air dry as I continue to puff on my cigarette. - And as you press it down, it makes a particularly wet, squishing sound as it takes its place on the table next to the couch. - I think he looks like a Christopher to me. - I thought perhaps we could name him Flipball.

That's pretty good. It'll come to us. Christopher Peter Bacon. No. That's what he looked like to me. Come on, Mace. Mace liked it. That's the name now. No, it's not the last Christopher. Chris P. Bacon. Well... I could go for some space bacon and space eggs about now. I really could use some space bacon and space eggs. Now that you mention it, I'm starving. Do we have enough food?

Do we have food? We have food, right? You have food. You had, uh, you knew the, like, life support and kind of, like, rations, even beyond the energies, the, the, uh, you know, like, air energy mechanics, fuel, uh, to keep you going. You know you had about a day or two there, but, and your food extends beyond that. Well, I could use some space egg and space bacon if the space inflation rate isn't too high these days. We can afford it.

I could really use a comfort meal, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. All right, I know where we're going next. Is there a diner at the end of the universe or something that we can... I go to my nav controls and I look through the map and on there it says Dexter Jester Space Diner. 1950 Space Diner. And I hit a button. And...

We're going to set our destination for the nearest space diner. As you go to change the nav, you recognize that as you were punching through the honk weave, Hank had entered the last nav point that he had for the prismatic pathway. And you have been spit out.

within range of the pathway. - There's gotta be some good food around there, right? - Oh yeah. Big tourist attraction. - All right, well, well done buddy. I mean, we said we were gonna keep an eye out for wrecks. Maybe we can get our barons down on the, is it a planet?

Or is it like a space station? It is more like a station, like a large station that runs multiple different styles of races. But you remember that the boss had mentioned that the Grand Prix was coming up. And it's like a large, organized space station.

Do we have multiple days or weeks until the Grand Prix or the Grom-Prix? Or do we think that it's like, "Oh, it's tomorrow!" Or, "Oh, it's like right away!" I feel like weeks. I pulled my newspaper. Space times. A booming voice calls out throughout the immediate airspace.

And that's it, folks! The prelims are over as racer number eight takes the checkered flag, securing his place in the Grand Prix! Entries are now closed as the most exciting race of the season dominates the skies tomorrow night here at the Prismatic Pathway! That was still

That was for emphasis. It was weird when he made that sound. Why did he do that?

And you start to fly towards the prismatic pathway. You can hear the triumphant roar of engines racing through the night sky before you see anything. And as you approach, you see the racer doing the victory lap. You see a jet black two-wheel speeder racing through the air. A dark rider

in a gray racing outfit with the number eight on his back, doing a final victory lap. And that is where we'll end the session. Well done, Ace. Well done. That's the round of the session. Holy shit. I kind of tear up chuckles with a joke.

I say, do you remember the... Do you remember the demon geese that we saw? How they were flying in the V? Yeah. Do you remember how one side was longer than the other? Do you know why that is? Why? There were more geese on that side! Oh!

That's pretty good. That's really good. And I will laugh as the session ends. Thank you. And as we are hearing that voice, I turn the knob on our radio just to shut the guy up, and you'll hear, I'm on the Prismian Aquarius! Prismian Aquarius!

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