Ring of Chaos | One-Shot with Matthew Lillard: Part 1
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. Hello, and welcome back to Legends of Avantris. Today, we are inviting you to join us on a very special one-shot. We also have a very special guest here at the table, the one and only Matthew Lillard.

Now, I know you might be a little camera shy, but this is world-class. I am so nervous. Don't worry. Today, we are here to play a special one-shot based on the brand new board game that is being kick-started by Beetle and Grimms called Ring of Chaos.

Very cool. So, I wanted to give Matthew the chance to talk a little bit about the game. Tell us about it. Well, first of all, we are here because you guys have changed the dynamic of Kickstarters for people doing Kickstarters for Dream Begins. Oh, thank you. And we met you at Game Over Con, and quite frankly, I didn't know the game, and we walked over,

And in meeting you, I was like, those are good people. In that moment, we started talking about, can we do something together? And I am super happy to just share a table

and to be here and sort of this moment of you guys supporting our Kickstarter is super powerful for us because we are a little Kickstarter and you guys are the granddaddies now of the space. It's humbling. Somehow. We were like, I was like, we should do something together and then I literally just

being bougie, but I wrapped the movie on Monday. I'm like, what are we going to do? Cool moments. I love the wrap party to come here. But it was this moment where I was like, where do you guys live? I'm like, D.C. And I changed all my plans to fly to D.C. and to come and sit at the table. And the idea is that tonight we're going to play an adaptation, a 5E adaptation of our

game which is sort of, it's called Ring of Chaos. So we have a company called Beto and Grimms, we've been in the space for five years, we make high end premium boxed editions of Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder, Critical Role. And we have a lot of cool stuff coming out, we have a new TV show coming out called Fast to Perform Kill Kill, which comes out probably when this is released. We premiere on the 16th. So we have a company with five people we have been best friends

since we were 21 and we're all over 50. And I think one of the things that I'm attracted to is how you guys are connected. You know, we've been sitting here for an hour eating pizza and wings. The fellowship that you guys share is very similar. - Andy always says best friends win championships. That's one of the pillars of the band. That is one of the pillars, yeah. - That's true, that's true.

So anyway, so we created a game called Ring of Chaos. The idea is that the Earth has sort of revealed this ring of chaos. And if you control the ring of chaos, you control the gods of chaos. And so all these adventurers, monsters, and humans, and elves, and all these adventuring groups come. And if you can win the ring of chaos,

though the world is yours to sort of control. So that's the game. It's a card game, it's a board game, and it's a very strategic game. It's sort of loosely based. We love the game A Bang, which is this Italian game. And so we basically reinterpreted the idea of that for Dungeons & Dragons and 5e. And so we are doing this Kickstarter. We just hit 2000.

2,000 backers, right? That's right. Literally the last. Which is super fun. So tonight is about adapting this. Thank you for taking the opportunity to spin this tale for us. I'm super excited to be in amongst you and playing and sort of honoring our game and sharing space in this

which is awesome. Thank you. It's gotta be a blast. Do you want me to keep going? I've never done this in my life. You've never done it? Yeah. You guys can do that. Yeah, yeah. Look, this is your own. I think that's my catchphrase. I love that.

Did you know? My eyebrows are very wet. So, the one shot that we're playing tonight called Ring of Chaos is going to lean heavily on the themes and the lore of the game. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. And we're going to have a great night. Thank you. Let's go. Let's go.

We're gonna win. We're gonna win this all together. I'm gonna lose my shit. That's badass. That would be amazing. I'm gonna give a fucking-- I hope we get so loud we wake up your mom and dad. I'm sure we already have. We could aerate hot on the fire. Let me ask you a question. Is there any at-home

At home, rules I should know about before we start. We do rapid quaffing, bonus action drinking a potion. Rapid queefing? Rapid quaffing. If you're into it. Yeah, yeah. If you happen to have a potion, you can take it with a bonus action instead of a full action. It would be a mechanical change that we do. I think the biggest one is rule of cool. So if you're trying to do something, it sounds really cool, you run it by me. Even if it doesn't fit within the rules, if I think it's cool enough, I'm going to let it go.

Oh, I love that idea. Storytelling, first and foremost. We're big on story. The adventurous array. So as you build your character, we don't use the standard array. We like to beef our characters up a little bit, so we have a different set of numbers that we use just so that we feel more heroic. I wish you had told me that. No.

We can fix it real quick. I'll just bullshit every roll. It's going to be great. Oh, I hit. I hit. What was your number? Trust me. We should have probably dealt with this before we started streaming. This is all editable. I'm playing the Harb-- what's my name again? Joe Titi. The Gifted Harbinger. The Gifted Harbinger, which is one of the characters in the game.

But I just took basic Arashasa, but we're building it to Tabaski. Yeah, so basically it's exactly like standard array. We'll just give you different numbers to plug in.

So instead of it being like low numbers, they're higher. Yeah. So just do this already. Just plug those in to whatever stats you want. Okay, good. And then do any magic items or any sort of-- I have a basic mace, chain, and a shield, which I am happy to rock with. We also have a basic mace. For now,

That's what you will be rocking. There will be opportunities. What subclass are you? The least moderate. I am a Cleric of Light. Nice! I'm a Cleric of Life. No, that's a lie. I lied to you before. We just started and I lied. You are.

What are you two life clerics? I am a cleric of... Peace. Peace! Ooh! I love that, I love that. I'll listen to that. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. This is in your normal campaign? These are your normal characters? Sort of. They are flavored. They're the character, but not the mechanical characters. So the voices will be the same that we do. Personalities. Is there a clown in the game?

No. No. Okay, close. You don't want that. Nothing would have been done. He's going to be quite great. Making a brand risk for Ring of Chaos. Two true chuckles. Listen, so. That's Vino and Grimm's 101. Okay, hey, next time. Next time. How many campaigns do we have represented? Like five? We almost got all of them. Yeah. Three. Oh! Which curse? Icebound, Curse of Stradonia, Prime/Root. Prime/Root. Gary Goodberry's neutral.

Neutral. Witchlight. And Witchlight. Yeah. So we're missing...

Edge of Midnight. We're wasting Edge of Midnight in Stardust. And Beneath Dark Wings. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Hopefully it's still accessible. We could do a lot of campaigns. So really, depending on when NPCs happen to appear, it might just be Stardust. There you go. I mean, it's just-- A robot pup! What are you doing here? All you have to do is go--

I feel like everyone should play with these scores. Yeah? I think so, too. It's really good. Yeah, it makes sense. We believe in playing heroes, you know? And so you have to have a little bit of a-- A little boop. A little boop.

And not taking a feat at level four feels bad, so having to waste it on-- Yeah, it's fun to be able to take a feat early and flesh out your character's theme and flavor a bit more. Our campaigns also last an eternity. We're on episode 40-something of Witchlight, and we're level five. I was like, you don't knock me off my level of Witchlight. Did you run Strahd? Yeah. Oh. I'm running Strahd now. I love it. It's probably

probably my favorite module that Wizards ever released. We heavily homebrewed the end of ours, and I ran with a female Strahd, Stradania. Oh, that's so good. And it was so fun. It was so fun. It's the only campaign that we have on our podcast. Yeah. It's done, much to the chagrin of all of our fans. It's also the campaign where it ends with them all crying like babies because it's so dramatic and intense. Yeah, I didn't want to do the whole, you know, Strahd comes back.

over and over and over again. I wanted to finalize the whole thing. Finish it, yeah. So we did that and now Barovia exists in our world in a different way. Awesome. We ready to go? We ready. I'm ready. We won't have an intro for this one, so it's just going to jump right into it. That's fine. Roll for an intro. Join us in the something. I thought you were literally playing. In the jungle.

The Temple of Chaos has been revealed. Existing only as a dark rumor for centuries, this ancient seed of chaotic magic has been rediscovered. Within is the legendary Ring of Chaos, a tool of unmatched potential that allows its wearer to summon the Chaos Gods to do their bidding. Adventurers, leaders, heroes, and villains have converged at the site of the temple, all longing to claim this newfound power. For whoever wears this ring will reshape the world for good or evil.

And that is what has brought all of you deep into the jungles of Chak. In an expedition led by the renowned archaeologist Clayton Azran, along with the promise of adventure and gold, the draw of such unimaginable power that comes with claiming the Ring of Chaos is hard to ignore. Clayton has guided you here following the instructions of a mysterious letter he received, providing direction to the newly revealed temple.

to the newly revealed temple of chaos and warning of its many dangers, including competing parties of adventurers and the temple's guardians. You make your way through the thick jungle brush, the sounds of colorful birds, clicking insects, and howling monkeys surround you. After pushing aside hanging vines, a sunlit clearing is revealed to you.

though your vision is blurred by the tropical haze. As a soft breeze blows down from the nearby mountains, you see the silhouette of a stone structure in the distance. And now I ask you, what is your name? What do you look like? Why did you agree to risk your life and limb to help Professor Clayton Azran find the Ring of Chaos? And lastly, and most importantly, what is your catchphrase? Oh, yeah!

The best part! So we'll go around the table. Should we explain the catchphrase? So in the game, there's a catchphrase. So at the end of every turn, you have to say your catchphrase. And that's how you signal the turn is over. And that has nothing to do with anything other than we thought it was awesome. It is awesome! It's gonna be awesome tonight. It is gonna be awesome tonight. So we'll go around the table. We will start with Derek and we'll head around if you want to

Give us your name, what do you look like, why did your character agree to come on this journey, and then finish it off to signify the end of your turn with your catchphrase. Tonight I will be playing Morning Frost, a tabaxi psionic wizard. He uses his mind powers in order to shape reality and defend his friends and attack his foes. And I am a tiger-type tabaxi. You can see the orange fur and black stripes on my face.

face and on my arms. You can see my tabaxi hands. You can see my school bus yellow eyes. And you can see that I'm wearing... That's the most incredible description ever. It's an inside joke. I'm describing Tiger the Tony. Tony the Tony. And I

I am wearing a green robe that flows all the way down to my shoes where I, you can see I keep to myself a bit with mysterious, a bit of a sash, that sort of thing, but it's the most prominent thing you would notice upon a first impression. Why am I risking life and limb?

Well, because I share the passion for knowledge that Clayton Azran and I both seek. That promises of untold knowledge, promises of secrets, and promises of

Learning about the nature of reality itself, perhaps. I would risk life and limb for that, for I am a very curious tabaxi. Damn you, fuck. And my catchphrase is...

Let us proceed. Am I going next? You're next. That's how I end my turn. Love that. So good. Tonight, I am playing Scrim Stab-a-Scotch. I am a goblin, about three, three and a half feet tall.

Green skin, the clothes that I wear are kind of patched together. I kind of look a little bit like a hobo, rambling, moving around, never staying in one place. Con man, never worked an honest day in his life.

I'm a rogue as well. My subclass is the Phantom Rogue, because at one point in Scrim's life, he came very close to the brink of death and came back with these phantom-esque powers. Still a renowned thief, wants to risk life and limb for the gold that was promised by Professor Clayton Azran. And is just looking for treasure. Scrim will do just about anything for a little extra coin.

And because I'm ending my turn, Scrim Stab-A-Scotch's catchphrase is, I'm 6'4 and I wrote for UC Davis! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Oh no! Is that another-- He's like four, two-- No, I'm actually three. Yeah, yeah. He's tired of getting picked on. He likes to think that he's six foot four and he's big and muscular and he grows from UC Davis, but he's actually just a three-- UC Davis is canon now, right? Yeah, no, it was. Yeah, it's one of the schools in-- Onzu. Oh yeah, yeah.

"Hi everybody! Gary Goodberry here. I'm a halfling. I'm stout. That's actually in the brief description. And I like to grow goodberries at the goodberry farm that I work with my wife. I am wearing a wizard's outfit, but it's green. So I'm not a wizard, I'm a cleric. I'm a life cleric and I use goodberries.

i'm a big fan of of the sports team the mighty trunks but it's tree trunks of this universe anyways you know i i

The reason why I'm here is, is that one of the other questions? Oh, the reason, I don't know why I'm looking on the screen. I'm wearing glasses. Habit. I'm a no-man, well, I guess I'm probably shorter than Scrim here, even. I don't row for UC Davis, but I'm here because my wife said I needed to get a hobby and get out of the house.

And I also thought my good berries could go to use. And my catchphrase is, "Trunks win!" Trunks win! Trunks win! Spit all the way across his head. There's a lot of spit going back and forth. That's good. I'm going to be playing Hazel. Hazel? Hazel. I'm a wood elf. I'm about

close to six foot, but who's counting? And I've got red brown hair, freckles across my nose. And I basically just came on this journey for Professor Asran because he told me that there's a special treat out in this jungle. You can't get it anywhere. It's awful sweet. It's awful good. God, I can't wait to get there. I'm so hungry. You'll mostly see me eating snacks along the way. I've always got a little something in my pocket. And my catchphrases. Oh, that's

Well done, that treat. Is that from the film, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? How do you do? My name is Professor Clayton Azran of Miss Hallery University, and this is my expedition. Although we do need a cool team name, so I won't do all the noodling on this. Oh, that's right. It is a problem.

I am a late 40s, early 50s human male. Definitely shorter than six feet, but a very large top hat to compensate. I carry a magical case with me that has my family's crest engraved on the side. What does the crest look like?

It looks like a top hat with a fancy A on it. Good, good. Well, it's in the arch. And...

The reason why I would risk life and limb for Clayton Asran and his expedition is because it's me. It's because he's me. And finally, my catchphrase for this one-shot is, that reminds me of a puzzle. Well, fuck, I guess that's my turn.

I'm Gideon Cole, ex-train engineer for Hobgoblins. I only worked for them because, well, they didn't let me go. It's like corporate America. You're damn right. You're damn right. But they pay you even less.

And I've been on the run ever since and well, I've linked up with here Clayton, Professor Azran, because I don't know anything about intellect like my friend Frosty over here. But well, he promised me booze and money.

Anything else that's good. Barbecue spare ribs. Oh, barbecue spare ribs. As much as you can eat. Which for me is a hell of a lot. So that's why I joined up with this expedition. And in my turn, I'd say that my catchphrase is, well, shucks howdy. I think I'm all fired up.

Oh, because I'm big and red and I'm a mean old pirate genasi. Old pirate genasi. That's good. You're going to have to write that down. You're for sure going to forget. I'm writing it down. I'm all fired up. I need a piece of beer. I got it. I got it. I'm playing the gifted harbinger, Jotiti.

Who is, oh jeez, thank you so much. That's not a pen or a pencil. Half of them don't work. It's a fun lottery. They work mostly. I am, for tonight's purposes, I'm playing a Tabaxi, a cleric of peace. I am here because I am deeply in love.

Oh, deeply in love with one of the people on this expo. I am, it is so hard to, I cannot let them out of my eyesight. I cannot let them walking in the world unprotected. So I as a cleric of peace, as the gifted harbinger, Jotiti, I am here to protect thou,

Ola, ola, ola. Me, I hope it's me. Please. And so yeah, so I'm playing a cleric of peace. I have a catchphrase and my catchphrase is, Ola, I love thee. Saucy.

My goddess is Shantae. I was

I was gonna go with Hestia because Hestia's best friend. But that got shut down so it's a halfling goddess and she's got good berries. Unbelievable. Yeah, but we... As I show up...

But in the morning before we show up, before we go on the expedition, I gather everyone together and we hold hands. We hold hands. Your hands are so soft. Those are yours, yes. Let us pray. Let us, God on high, bring us together. Let us find the Ring of Chaos and let us bring it into our control. For if we are to fail, the world shall forever fall into darkness.

We are called upon in great measure to save the world. Nothing short of. And women and booze. And the great power that comes through. Well, thank you. I'll pray to that. Let's all have some good berries. And that is how you begin your journey. You travel a great distance to make your way eventually to the jungles of chalk.

And it is here that you spend an ample amount of time traveling through those jungles. Guide after guide leads you as far as they can until you acquire a new one and travel deeper in and deeper in.

And eventually, you're left to your own devices. No one will travel this deep into the jungles where you're headed. The entire time we're going, I'm casting Dormiturgy, and I'm casting the sounds of angels as we walk through. The sounds of angels are playing in a tree top. It's not overwhelming. It's sort of like this calming sense. It pierces through the sounds of the jungle of...

That's really nice. -- that is filling up this jungle. Yes. Occasionally, a soft wind will blow through and it will carry with it an even louder sound of these angels as you boom up the thaumaturgy. Thank you for not nagging me. Little bit of harm, little bit of love. I don't want to be wrong. Do you like the sounds of angels?

"I'll take it or leave it, you know, it's been a... "Oh, oh my, you're convincing me, you're changing my mind." - "Let them lift your spirit." - "Okay, I will attempt to open my heart, I suppose, to greater powers." - "This is what I seek." - "Yes, greater powers." - "You're open."

All right. We all have open hearts. I looked at Gideon. All right, yeah, sounds good. Thank you. I'm going to make this session like 12 hours. We got time! We're not going to stop you. That's fine. My favorite part. Yeah. Sorry, sorry. And you have time. You know that you have about-- you imagine

based on the time that you've traveled, the letter that Clayton has in his possession that indicates where this temple has come into existence in the world of Avantris. You imagine that if your calculations are correct, and you are very smart, so your calculations are most definitely correct. You have about half days travel before you reach the jungles that immediately surround this temple.

You are heading out the very early part of the morning, the crack of dawn, as you begin to make your way. You've traveled for a while now. You're all comfortable with each other. You have become accustomed to your quirks, your interests, your differences. And a lot of the things that surprised you in the beginning no longer surprise you as much anymore as you begin to travel. Is there anything you'd like to do before you reach your destination?

I've been thinking about this question of what we should name ourselves. Should we come across others with perhaps their own adventuring names?

Oh, you're right. We all looked like a bunch of idiots that didn't come up with the name. And I will say, you read in the letter that you would be met with other adventuring bands. Their names, some names had been mentioned in there, and they were pretty cool. And you might feel a little bit down on yourselves that you don't also have a really cool name for yourself. Come on, guys. We've got to step it up a little bit here. What do you have in mind?

What are we doing? What was wrong with Team Fire Punch Squad? Hey, hey, hey, I had that thought. I was with you. We can't all fire punch. It doesn't make sense. Only you do that. Well, I mean, you know, as long as one person does it and then we're a team, I mean, the name writes itself. It makes it sound like you're the leader, and I feel like we should all have equal say in how the gang, the name comes together. Fire punch. Well, whatever, all right?

Maybe if we all say a word at the same time and the words that stand out in this moment

may be the beginning of our team name. - Ooh, like a kernel! - I love it. - The sound of angels booms out around you, almost making what Joe TT is saying more impactful to you. - I'm convinced. - I'm in. - You are gifted. - On the count of three. - Oh. - Are we gonna go on one or go or? - It'll be one, two. - Make a true goblin!

One, two, three, go! First of all, close your eyes and find the word that you choose to speak on go. You have it? Yeah. All right. And say it loud, and we will all agree on what the word is. Ready? One, two, three, go!

- I didn't hear a single word. - I didn't either. - I heard Good Berries. - Good Berries. - Oh, so that's it? - I did hear Good Berries. - That's the beginning. - So we're not just the Good Berries. - No, God, that'd be horrible. - It's like Fire Puncher, only he does that.

I said bumbleberry, how much different could that be? Oh, that's true! That's true! That's so crazy, I also heard fruit. I said banana hammock. Okay. We are using the name banana hammock outright. But I do think fruit, maybe we build on the word fruit. Oh, that's a good, what did you say? What did you say? I said team Top Hat.

I'll hate him. I thought you said Team Tom Hanks. Very weird. He was great casting. I enjoyed him in Hall 13. It was terrific. How about Maverick? How about the Mavericks? That's not bad. In the name of screws. I like the Mavericks.

I like the berries. Mavericks of Mavericks of? Mavericks of something. The Mavericks of Goodberry. The Mavericks of Top Girl. What about Mavericks of Goodness? As in Goodberry, as in the Mavericks of Goodness. We are seeking

Yes. We are coveting the real chaos to save the world? For goodness, definitely, absolutely. Yeah, we're all real good kids, right? We're very good, yes. Are we not? Well, I mean, we're clear. That's why you hired us, because you're all such good folks, right? Yeah, good is relative. I'm just here to help steal this thing and get it back into the right hands. Yeah, I thought that's what we were doing. The good hands. The good hands. Yeah. Yeah, I believe in us. Mavericks of goodness. I'm in. I like it. Maybe. Oh, goodness.

I like it. Well... Professor, what do you say? I will acquiesce to you and your decision. I leave this up to you all. I mean, I usually just go with the Azran expedition. That's not very cool. That's not very leader-y of you. So that's why, yes, we can be the mavericks of goodness. I like it. In Azran. Yes.

And also berries are there. And can there also be something about breakfast? The name's getting kinda long, you gotta be able to share it. Oh, and now crunch berries! The berries are in there with the breakfast. The breakfast berry buddy mavericks of goodness. Breakfast berry buddies mavericks of goodness?

It's kind of a lot in the house. Breakfast berry, how are you going to get that into tattoos? I've been too long. I've got a wide lower-- The Mavericks of Goodness seem to have a windmill. I think you're right. Let's do it. All right, Mavericks. The Mavericks of Goodness, folks! All right, everybody, the Mavericks. The Mavericks of Goodness. On three, one, two, three. Mavericks of Goodness!

Mavericks of goodness, Darryl, come on. Sorry. Darryl, you really ruin everything. Oh, I'm sorry. I usually don't get out on adventures. Now that that's over, let us proceed. And that is how you became the Mavericks of goodness. The Mavericks for short. But you all, with this newfound name, this newfound kinship, once again, continue your journey deep into the jungles of Chalk.

It is a hot and humid day as you travel through these treacherous jungles, parts untraveled by any for hundreds of years. At least not until this temple appeared. And you know you're not the only one seeking the Ring of Chaos, but for now it feels lonely. The jungles empty, all but the sounds of the wilderness around you. You travel hour after hour.

until it's around the time you would expect to see the temple come into view. Frost, maybe you sneak ahead. Make sure we are not being put upon by somebody from the front.

I believe you're speaking to Scrim? Scrim shit. Oh, that's what I call a test. No, I know it can be confusing because I normally speak to you in your mind. Ross, come, stand next to me. Come next to me. Yes. Your hands are also quite soft. Thank you so much. I'm still happy to sneak ahead, you know, even though you...

I don't remember my name. It's all right, it's all right, it's fine. The professor was going to tell me to do it anyway. Mr. Stabberscotch, do you mind scouting ahead? Not in case, you know, to clear any traps that may end with your demise. Just, you know, see if there's anyone cooler up ahead with a cooler name than we have. Fine, yeah, I'll go scout ahead, but I just want to get one thing straight. You mentioned that there might be other people around. Are they trying to kill us?

Well, I hope not. I didn't sign up for that. From a certain point of view, they also want the Ring of Chaos. This is going to come down to violence? Well, perhaps we could all work together, and then once we achieve the ring, we backstab them, and them as the violence. All right, all right, fine. Professor! We were the Mavericks of goodness! I mean, I know Mavericks break the rules, but isn't that going a little far? Well, it breaks the rules, and it is good to get the ring. All right, all right. Well, maybe we can

We can just punch them in their backs. We don't have to stab them so hard. Fire punch them again? Well, maybe we don't fire this time, you know? I mean, if it happens, it happens. Sometimes you can't control the release. Scramming here. I'm going to give you 100 ball bearings. What? Why? And this whistle, if you need to signal one. I can't hold all these ball bearings. Oh, damn it. I guess it's good if we... Shit. No, come back. I run after the ball bearing while I scout ahead. You do? Yeah.

I'm going to have you roll a survival check at disadvantage. Survival? At disadvantage? Oh my god. You are very distracted by the 100 ball bearings. My little ball was a nine, so I got a 12. That's not bad. That's good money. That is not bad. You--

You chase after the ball bearings, and they distract you. You imagine that you have missed some tracks here and there, but you need to collect all of these. Frost will not be happy if you don't return with all 100 of his ball bearings. And you are lucky that you are so tenacious when it comes to this. As the final ball bearing continues to roll, you find yourself spilling out of the underbrush in the jungle here, and you are...

at the top of a hill looking down into an open canyon where you can clearly see the ruins of a temple. The temple. The temple you had been looking for and from this vantage point, as you scout around and look, you see the movement of the trees, clearly animals moving about through the jungle itself, but you do not see any other band of adventurers.

you feel, at least from this point, that you have a clean shot down to the temple itself. The entrance before you, covered by growing vines as it peaks out of the jungle, clearly having not been there until recently. I would shout to the rest of the group and let them know that I found what I believed to be the temple. I found it! I found it!

I gave you a whistle. Oh! Tropical birds fly out of the canopy of trees. There's a huge, you hear monkeys. I cast silence. Quickly, all of the noises of the jungle's quiet and there's pure silence. Are you crazy? This is the group you put together. This is the group that you, Clayton, have chosen, this goblin with a whistle

I'm off in the jungle wondering why the whistles stop working. Well, it was all I could afford within our budget. I mean, it's, you know, I'm working on a grant from the university, and, you know, Mr. Goodberry has lots of debts to pay, and a cleric's frankly more important than a rogue, so... Why are you paying them? Can we keep this between us? Hey! In suits, good sir.

If the goblin continues to put the entire party in jeopardy, he must be, we must rid ourselves of him. What?

You're in silence! You're in silence! You have no idea! Matthew is saying what everyone in chat has been saying for a while. Joe, Gigi, I'm glad that you said it before I had to. No! I mean, it's definitely going to continue, but that's half the pun. 80% of the time we're getting fired from this group. You're saying that we-- It's something crazy. I know, it's-- Get rid of him! It says that we are talking about the future of the world! Oh, Grish!

knucklehead, this scrim, this beast of burden should be gone. He's not without skills. Every time I send him away with 100 ball bearings, he brings 100 back. That's remarkable. What else could we ever possibly ask for? Listen, I don't like the way you're talking about scrim, right? And I won't have any part in killing him

"unless--" I believe that my research is so excellent that we must be the first ones to this temple. By at least weeks, we have plenty of time to go inside

to collect the ray and leave before the next name, the next group with a really cool name finds this place. Well, then, to be fair, I mean, a rogue is a classic part of a party. We'll be unbalanced if we lose them, and I know we already have Hazel, but if she dies, then we'll be fresh out of Rome. So it's always good to have a backup. That's true.

You know what I mean? All right, all right, all right. I understand that. And look, as a cleric beast-- I was going to say! --as a cleric beast, it goes against my better angels. It goes against my better angels to suggest such a thing. But in sooth, in sooth, good son. Yes? He is a fucking problem. I have been with him for four minutes. We've been extra-positioning for weeks.

I don't disagree, but how about after this is all over, maybe you can get him to follow your peaceful ways by force? We are the mavericks of goodness. So in this moment, I will not cast my creature. No, no. I will not cast upon him, but...

I will also not watch his back, for if he falls into a pit of death-- As lightly. Yes, then let him be. Yeah. So we're not the Mavericks of murdering those-- No. Let's change our name to the Mavericks of--

I must take a moment to reflect on what I've said here. But it is clear that the person I am in love with is not me. Let's not protest too much. You might be protesting too, people. I assure you, he's so tiny. I don't know how to tell you. He's such a tiny creature. He's not my type. All right.

I remove the spell that I cast, which I regret casting, though. We now have to take a full wrath. Your whistle's broken. I'm keeping it. I have one of all batteries. May you?

98, 99, 100. They're all there. I know, I know. I found everyone. Oh, hey, you found the temple, too! Yeah, it's right down there. Did you find any traps or dangers? No.

Did you look? Yeah, kind of, a little bit. I mean, I was looking for the ball bearings, and they didn't land in any traps, so I think we're all right. Then it must be completely safe to the temple. Let's go. It's probably fine. Did you find any of them parties down there? No, no tracks, no nothing, no danger, just old scrim and the whistle. You seem a little down.

Calm down, Frent. Well. Nah, I don't ask him about it. He likes to elaborate. Let's just go. Let it proceed. Don't ask him about it. He likes to elaborate. And I dejectedly drag my feet as we walk towards the double. What's wrong, Frent? Now, Frost doesn't want me to talk about it. I'll elaborate. I sit there waiting for you to elaborate. Uh-huh.

Say the thing. Let us proceed. Well, you know what always cheers me up when I'm down in the dumps? What? A goodberry. Oh, thank you. How many of these should I be eating? You fed me like 20 today. Oh, you want one too? If you...

You'll be fed for a whole day, never two minutes. That's like my 20th one. Is my liver in danger? I mean... I really regret the choice I've made with the group. As we have now been here for 30 minutes talking about blueberries. Hey, get your group in order, good job. The ring of chaos is before us. Please, mount forward.

To the temple! Thank you! To the temple! To the temple! You can tell us later, sir. It's fine. To the temple! It's definitely your kidneys. To the temple. It wouldn't be, We are the Mavericks of Goodness. We are the Mavericks of Goodness. We are the Mavericks of Goodness. Then nobody can do that. Yes!

We gotta find the Ring of Chaos and kill all the old rules. Better than the angel music. Murder everyone. We have to work on a battle song. We'll workshop that after the ring. Aye, good friend. As you journey through the valley, the temple ruins grow larger and loom taller with each passing minute until you are standing directly before it. Built into a mountain cliff and surrounded on both sides by dense jungle foliage, a single arched entrance seems to be the only way inside.

Directly above the entrance is a relief carving that confirms you're at the right place. Carved into the ancient stone is a jagged star with eight points, at the center of which is an unblinking eye with a vertical pupil. The mark of chaos welcomes you to this long-lost place. And through the gloom, beyond the entryway, you see a large statue of a sphinx, shockingly well-preserved for how old the ruins are. Then you discover why.

As soon as you begin to ascend the large stone steps, a rumbling echoes around you as the sphinx turns from stone to flesh and stares at you, unmoving and unblinking with an appraising expression on its face. What do you do? This is it.

Derek, can you put this-- Is it supposed to do that? Yeah. The Temple, please. The Mark of Chaos. Should we put our tokens on the-- Oh gosh. Yes, please. All right, put us up. Here we go. Are we on the steps? Put us on the steps. We're probably already up on the steps. Oh, that's-- is this me? Yeah, we got you there. This is my favorite. When only the best will do. That's right.

Let's get the map camera over here. Oh, yeah. We're all wearing heavy armor, right? So we're the beefy boys. We're in front. Is this supposed to happen? Clayton, come on, talk to us. What's going on here? Well, I figured there may be a sphinx, but not an actual sphinx. More like just a statue of a sphinx. What?

It used to be a statue, now it's an actual sphinx. Now you must speak to it, come on! How do you do, young sphinx? Well done. Strong and open, strong and open. No notes, no notes. The sphinx, which is in a sitting position, rears up and stands on all fours as it looks at you, its tail twitching, its eyes moving between each of you, before it finally looks directly at you, Clayton.

It arches its back and lets out a loud yawn, looking lazily about before finally speaking. For you to enter my temple, you must answer my riddles three. But beware, should you answer false, you will pay dearly. This is hard. Did you say riddle?

That reminds me of a puzzle. I think the riddle's a type of puzzle. I can't just leave my catchphrase. I'm stuck in a little box, I can't really-- You are perfectly suited for this moment. Yes. For if you miss the riddle, we all die. So, Ghaji Ghoden, go with Ghaun.

could result in our deaths if we get this riddled incorrectly. So now you speak out of ten! I believe only for you. Sprout! Sprout! Yeah, is there any way-- I mean, maybe work with Frost on this one a little bit? No, no, if I get it wrong, we all die, is what I'm trying to say. No, no, no, no. We all agree. That didn't sound like that's what they were describing.

Yeah, Scrim would definitely hide behind a pillar. Same. Yeah, and peeking over around the corner. Where's Frost? I'm right here. I'm a Scrim. I'll come Tiger Belly. Oh, yeah, yeah, Tiger Belly. Well, Frost, I might need your intellect that is profound, but slightly smaller than my intellect.

That's what I'm trying to say, work together on this. Don't get us all killed, come up with an answer. I will listen to the riddle and perhaps I can give you a clue inside of your mind as you answer. Okay, I see what's going on. Fuck, it struck my lightning. The rest of you are safe and far away. Fine, you know what? Solidarity, bros! From behind the pillar, I say, "Don't worry, we're right behind you." We're fine, you're like 50 people ahead. Clayton, don't worry! If we die terribly, we'll just all die together.

At least you and I will. You know, I believe in you, Clayton. You've always been a good chum and a great boss. I'm gonna give you guidance. Oh, I was about to say that. Hey, let's get double guidance. No, I'll let you do it. I see you do it. Thank you for that, Gary. Okay.

I didn't even know! This is the first time you haven't called me Mr. Goodman! Are we at first name basis? Well, we might die in five seconds, so I figured if it was a time, it's now. I don't think you have to worry about that. Master Sphinx, riddles three you say? We are prepared.

Then step forward and may we begin. Clayton! Follow us! Yes, yes! Go get it! I'll step forward. As that happens, I'm going to start to try to move around a little. I'm going to keep on this edge.

I'm going to start to move maybe for a flanking position in case things go bad. Roll a perception check for me, please. Oh, great. Okay, good. Oh, and I didn't mention this to you, but you all have inspiration. Oh! The stories you told about your characters and all of your catchphrases and all of that. Thank you. What a twist. What a twist. That's my catchphrase. There you go. You need one, too. Perception, right? Yes. Oh, nice. Okay, so...

22. Nice. Wow. Thank you. Apparently the scores do count. I will keep that in my mind. Thank you very much. Clayton, as you step up to the Sphinx, she sits down on her hind paws and she watches you carefully. And eventually she begins to speak. I have a tail, but no body. I have a head, but no brain. What am I?

- This is not my strength. - Uh-oh. - Tail but no body, a head, a brain but no-- - A head but no brain. - I have a tail but no body. I have a head but no brain. What am I? - Oh, a coin. - You speak out loudly. - Oh! - The sphinx turns from Clayton to you, Joe TT. - Oh, no. - That is correct.

You used to say, nice one, Jotiti's, whizzles don't got nothing on ya. I almost said lettuce. I almost said lettuce. In your mind, you would have heard a and I just look over at Jotiti and I'm And I end with my catchphrase, Lord, I love you.

Let us proceed. Clerics are smart! Who needs wizards? Cleric bros! Cleric bros. That was one of three. You're still alive. All right. Well done, Joe TT.

Let's hear the next one. Can I just say for the record? Yes. There is no negotiating or talking about it, because you just say things and all of a sudden they look at you. So be careful if you're going to say something impromptu. Because apparently that counts. I agree. Let's all be entirely quiet unless we feel we know the answer. Oh, I'm really impulsive.

Oh, I know that. That shouldn't be a problem. You're right, he's a problem. We should have gotten rid of him. Just don't say anything after she's done speaking her riddle, unless we're certain. I'll try. No promises. Maybe we all gather together. I'll say it, Clayton. Maybe we all gather together and present...

one answer in one voice. Yes. As one group. Yes, because we are the Mavericks. The last time we did this, I shouted "banana hammock," it's not looking good for us. Well, you don't know, that could be the answer. If you shout "banana hammock," that would be the last thing you ever shout. At least that we ever hear. Now we're all in range of a single lightning bolt, so we can all die together as well. We are one group. Yes. Mavericks die together.

Hopefully not. This is gonna be a little dark. Can't just answer the questions together. You know what I mean? Best ring in the championship. This is making us. This is making me the smart guy. I don't know if that's a rule. He thinks, looks to all of you. Oh, shit. If you speak my name, you break me. What am I? Quiet. She turns to you. Oh, no. That is incorrect. Oh, no! Ah.

You know you can speak with your brain, right? She looks towards you and she turns her head. It was very close, though. And you have decreased by one level. Oh! Oh!

- Oh shit! - Here's the thing. Scream, whatever I answer is you answer next. - So she did say, so we're in a group, right? We're not screaming. So she did say that was very close. And his answer was quiet, which maybe silence, break the silence. - Could we have a moment please?

What is the riddle again, please? If you speak my name, you break me. What am I? Speak my name. I think you break me. I don't feel as good as I did. You like, at your feet a lot? I don't feel as good as I did a moment ago. Your hand is in its face!

Frost is having a stroke. Your legs are losing a lot of muscle tension. God, it's proud posing. Whatever you do, just don't look in like a mirror or anything. You're not going to like it. You're not sure what just happened. You are still one of us.

Thank you. You're not dead purpose. No. I'm sure if we can kill Gary, we can find one for you, too. Scrim just wants to get in here a little bit. All right. Zayn, we have to focus. What is it again? If you speak my name, you break me. What am I? Promise? No. I'm going to break your idea. Hang on, we're sure it's not quiet. No, but he said-- She said it again. I said silence. And look at him. Maybe he just says, "I'm agreeing with that."

You said quiet. Oh, yeah, no, that's stupid. I was trying to say quiet because-- It was gonna be really cool if it worked out. I knew the answer and I-- But you used the wrong word. No, I didn't want anyone to speak up, so they wouldn't get the wrong, so they wouldn't-- No, it quite literally would have been the coolest thing you've ever done if you had just shouted "silence" instead. I made a mistake. You really dropped the ball bearings on this one. One.

Two. We move Frost into the corner. We pick up Frost and move him in. In the intro, who thinks that Alice is silent? I do. I'm there, I'm with you. I think it is-- Then say it. Me? Yes, Scrim. Scrim the time. I'm telling you. I tap you and I'm giving you guidance every time. Silence! I step back.

She turns to look at you as she rears up for a moment. That is correct. Oh!

never didn't have it all right who would have thought the scrim was smarter than home for hosting wow that is impressive you redeemed yourself from your earlier blunder that simply is not false that's not true we gave him the answer he was a meat puppet he had to agree to it yeah someone had to step

forward in front of the scary Sphinx. I think that's very brave. I volunteered. Well done. Frosso, you did okay. That's the largest flip thing I've ever seen in my life. That's my thousand chaps thing.

Thanks, Ifnio. Next is the Flintstones push pop. Hey, hey! Look at Sharnkentra. It is! It is a Flintstones push pop. All right, here we go. One more, one more, we got this. Once again, she looks between all of you.

What can run but never walks? Has a mouth but never talks? Has a head but never weeps? Has a bed but never sleeps? Oh. Andy knows this one, but Scrim is way too stupid. It's a-- Don't say it! Well, to be fair, he already took one for the team. What's another level? It's fair. Better than any of us. We're at full strength. Sacrifice him. It's a-- What are we trying to say? A river.

One more time, please, Mistress Sphinx. "What can run but never walks, "has a mouth but never talks, "has a head but never weeps, "has a bed but never sleeps?" And you think it's what?

I will stand for it. It's my hero! Mistress Sphinx. Joe Titi, you don't have to! It has... Clayton, trust me. We still have to fight. All right. It has been an honor to battle wits with you, and I'll start to step forward. It has been an honor to-- where am I? Oh, yeah. To battle wits with you. Our hope is that in this moment, we have justified our presence here

and our quest for the Ring of Chaos. The answer to your final riddle, mistress, is river! That is correct. Well done! Nice job, Josh! I'm so cold-blooded shit to say that thing before we answer that question, you know what I mean? She looks between all of you. You have shown your intellectual prowess. Some of us, yeah. Most of you have.

You may enter. And as she turns, she motions towards the stone wall behind her, and you watch as these stones begin to shift and change, and where there was no entrance previously, an entrance appears there now.

As she motions to you in that direction, you watch as her body starts to change. The flesh of the Sphinx begins to turn to stone again and then crumble into dust. Oh! Holy shit. Well, that sucks because we really want this door to close behind us. It's open now. It is as you say this, Joe TT, that you hear something behind you, a rustling in the grass.

and you immediately hear the sound of something

whipping through the air as you reach up and you grab a dart as it almost flew straight past you, aimed directly towards Frosth's chest. Not on my watch. Whoa! I told you I love thee. As you turn around, you immediately are able to see with that spectacular perception score that there are clearly four figures lurking in the underbrush.

As they notice that you have seen them, you watch as these four figures leap out, clearly preparing to attack, but now a little more hesitant. They are all dressed in dark garb. You see...

The one that leads them has a large brimmed hat as he saunters forward looking at all of you. And he looks at you for a moment and you see a smirk as he notices the dart in your hand. Well done! Well played! We were just laying in wait for you to accomplish these riddles so we could take what is rightfully ours.

The ring of chaos shall be mine, my friends. You wouldn't dare stand in our way. For we are the den of thieves. Oh! That is a group! Yeah! You see what they're doing? They're pretty huge!

"And I am the one and only Mad Eddie, "and you would not want to face me in combat. "All my friends here." You watch as they all stand behind him, they saunter up to him. You see two women at their flank. You see a masked man standing towards the back. They all look very menacing, their hands lingering near their weapons as they all look towards you. "So it seems like we should be able "to come to some kind of accord."

You let us through, you go back from whence you came, and no blood needs to be shed here today. You beat us to the temple, how? Well, quick, we're smart. We have street smarts, while you read in books. Nah, most of us don't do that, all right? So get the heck out of here. And you had him, and he points to Scrim. What? What about me?

your ball bearings. Those are Frost ball bearings. You dropped them daily. Your tracks were easy to follow. Ah, damn it. I should have known. Frost, you got to stop giving me the ball bearings. I don't want them. Okay, here's 100 Cull Drops. You won't drop these. Well, Eddie, Ed, can I call you Ed?

No. Is it Ed, Ed, or Eddie? It's mad Eddie. He is beginning to look very mad and very Eddie. Why don't we just share the ring of power? No, that is not a better word. Are you an idiot? You don't share the ring of power. It will be mine. You will stand down. Or we will come to blows.

I think you're outnumbered, sir. You may think so, but you are outmatched. Yes. There's the rub. That is what... Mad Eddie, we present a challenge to you. Clayton, mind if I step in? Please. We will take our greatest hero amongst us to go one-on-one in battle with your greatest hero in your group of idiots.

And the winner takes the table. And the winner goes forward, and those that lose shall retreat forever.

It's quite a gamble. Take the option or not. He turns to the rest of the Den of Thieves and you hear them mumbling. If they mumble, we should mumble. They discuss, you may discuss. I think his head may be bigger than yours, Clayton. God, these caltrops are like burrs in my skin. Forget the caltrops for one second. I can't forget them, all of them.

We have the numbers advantage, but maybe during the one-on-one we can set up a plan and an ambush in case... If it starts going bad, yes. I'm the champion? No, maybe it's you. Well, you know. He's very strong. Are you afraid? Not even a little bit. Can we not buff him?

Can we not give him the advantages he needs? He looks buff enough already. Would that make us not good clerics? Listen, Goodberry, do not trifle with the ideas of right or wrong in this moment. I like this cleric! He's all about cheating and killing people. I hate to be it! And who cares about that? Eat food! Have a healthy diet! Yeah, he did decide to wear a cape. It's a little gauche.

I think you cut his fucking head off. Yeah! I think you cut his fucking head off. Separated from his damn shoulders. Yeah, I think-- Oh, I think I could get-- yeah. We got the tools for the trade, you know what I mean? I volunteer myself, but I feel somehow diminished. You look like an empty Capri Sun! And you--

You're gonna drown in the puddle of your own jewels. What say you, Fast Eddie?

Eddie turns to all of you and he raises his hand and silences, you see one of the people that travels with him is a lithe woman with a crossbow. He responds to her, "Rosemary, now is not the time. "I do accept this challenge." And he unsheathes his rapier and he points it towards all of you. "And who shall be my challenger?" Nodded. Well, can we have

Can we maybe have like 10 minutes? Or one minute? We just need one more minute to-- To decide. To decide, yes. To get the caltrops out of my skin. Yes, yes, our friend fell into some of my caltrops. I cast. He's not the champion, though, don't worry about that. We may all take one minute to prepare for battle. Once the minute's over, your champion will step forward into this open entryway where the sphinx has disappeared, and we will do battle.

The winner will take the temple. The loser will go back from whence they came, to Miss Tallory University. Oh, never mind. It's an hour cast. You don't have to make it personal. It is personal. The Ring of Chaos shall be ours.

Beaten by Mad Eddie. Come, it's embarrassing. We're not going to get beaten by Mad Eddie. Gideon's going to cut his head off. Get him. I'm going to cut his head off. Professor, all right, just be cool. And I'll just hide somewhere and shoot him up with arrows if things go awry. Yeah, just so we're all on the same page. We all just got to jump out and stab him, right? Yeah, everybody, we go one round, and then y'all leap in and just start stabbing. All right, all right. While this warms up, Frost, start taking the cow traps out of my skin. This seems somehow antithetical to the Mavericks of Witness that we agreed to earlier.

He cheated and he started it. And it's a fucking brand name. And he shot a dart at Joe T.T., man. You can't let that fly. He wasn't trying any fair fight. The Maverick's a goodness. The goodest thing to do here...

Let's fucking kill him. We are certainly not the pushovers of goodness. Let's go. Gideon, since you're such a maverick, I know you can handle the crunchy Goodberry. Oh, man! It's like a pistachio Goodberry. It's got a shell. Oh, this is my favorite one. Here you go, buddy. You have Shield of Faith. Oh, nice! You can even shell it. You don't even need to shell it. You have plus two AC.

For ten minutes. Oh shit. That's my AC, all right. All right, as long as I concentrate, nothing can go wrong. And right before, I think, the minute's up, I will put my hand on Gideon and I will cast Haste. Oh shit. Damn. In this moment, I put my hand upon your forehead.

I dog your nose. And I gently kiss your mouth. I cast Steamy. God's I wish that would mean anything. Well, I think I'm all fired up! Lord, I love you. Lord, I love you. Transmute, transmit, all the way in! I cast Bless. Nice!

So Bless does three of you within range. You get 1d4. Whenever a target makes an attack roll or a saving throw before the spell ends, the target can roll a d4 and add that number. Okay. Amazing. So the three of us that I'm going to cast on are my Fire Genasi friend.

"Clayton as our leader." Yes, of course. "If you fall, we all fall." I'll increase your bonus. "And then Frost. "I know that makes no sense, "but I want you to know something. "You are blessed. Lord, I love you." You keep saying these words, and I thank you.

I wish you would stop drooling. My apologies. I'll use the mage hand and a handkerchief will come up. That's good. So impressive. He's very talented. He's very talented. All right, so that's that.

That's what I do. I got him written down. So Gideon, Clayton, and Frost are preparing. I want you to do something. If you die right now, it's going to be the worst example of the game ever if you die. No pressure. Gideon don't die. He's Gideon. Don't worry. It's easy. It's easy, all right? I've got some tricks way, way up my sleeves.

Hazel's hiding in the jungle foliage. I have slipped back as a wood elf into the jungle foliage and hidden myself on the leaves.

That's not even close. That's not even close. I'm a wood elf. What the fuck? Okay, Gideon, I believe in you. Good luck, buddy. I believe in you. I grab my giant two-handed broadsword off my back, and when I started with just Henley and work pants on and a pair of suspenders, now I have the holy power of the Aegis of multiple lords and, I don't know, some other shit really revving me up. I'm ready to cut this guy clean in half!

With that, Gideon and Mad Eddie make their way onto the platform that leads towards the entrance of the temple. It seems like the Den of Thieves are playing fair, at least for now. I need you to roll for initiative. Hey! Come on, dude.

Just lie to her, lie to her, lie to her. 27. I'm kidding, it's a 14. Oh, okay. Well, Mad Eddie gets to go first. Oh. When he uses his rapier, I say, that's not a sword. This is a sword. That's a sword. You both step up, and with a flourish, Mad Eddie lunges towards you very quickly. He...

Even with the cape that's weighing him down in the jungle, why would anyone wear a cape in the jungle? Stupid. But it moves with him in a way that's almost supernatural. As he moves one way, the cape whips him faster around and he is able to zip around you and lunge into you far quicker than you had expected. He is going to attempt to make both of his attacks on you and he is going to hit with his lowest is...

16.

18 is my AC because of my Aegis of the Gods. Oh! Clever, bro! You have the power of Shantan! Do we have a Mad Eddie to combat? Oh yes, shit. Here he is, thank you. Ha ha! He does have a very cool hat, Clayton. He does have a very cool hat. Actually, if you would not mind, could you place the rest of the Den of Thieves just around? They are watching.

as this is happening. They're on the stairs. They're cheering. It is his first turn, so he actually gets an advantage because you have not taken a turn. He gets a natural 20. Oh! He's cheating! His first hit-- Wait, hold on! Give him 20. Did I make you work? I need to roll my dice. I haven't done that for today. Oh, come on, come on.

Oh no, I don't think any of these are going to work. No, he gets a natural-- Wait, wait.

As this first attack happens, I've kept one of the caltrops on me, and I have caught it in my invisible psionic hand, and I have gone around behind him without anyone noticing, so focused on the fight, and I'm just going to stick it right in the side of his neck, distracting him. A sleight of hand, please. Okay. This is actually silvery barbs. I'm just flavoring a spell. I still just see if anyone notices. Let me go with...

13. 13, okay. Okay. So with hopefully successfully pulling that off, I will cast Silvery Barbs and as the first time, you have disadvantage on this attack roll. I will say because you are not currently in the initiative, so he would have gone first. It won't be for this round. I will let it happen for next round. I was trying to tell you. You watch as he... Real quick, Dan, I'm so sorry. Can I use my cloud

to change the course of his attack to himself. Is that a reaction? It says that I can do that. Is that a reaction? Theoretically, yes, it is. It's one reaction. I can take the target of his attack. Yeah, I mean, if you can do it. All right. Vroom, vroom, vroom.

The manacles on my forearms were up as the steam will pour out. And as he moves in quick, I'll go to grab his wrist and redirect his rapier into his. If I can with this natural play. Take that.

You're going to drop as quick as your name, you son of a bitch! That's how it's done. You all watch as Mad Eddie whips around very quickly, moving almost like the speed of light. At one moment, he reaches up and he smacks the side of his neck, and you hear him call out: Mosquitoes! It's actually your silvery barbs. Oh, yeah.

as this distraction gives you enough time, Gideon, to take your manacled hands and twist his wrist slightly as he aims the rapier directly towards you, but you flip his wrist around and he stabs himself directly in the side of the gut. He lets out a loud yell as he takes a significant amount of damage.

What an idiot! Nice job, jackass! He really is mad. Oh, nice rolls, too. Yeah, Stomach Boom's the worst dead man, so all right.

The pointy end goes into your opponent, dumbass! As he takes 15 points of damage, you see as his face goes pale, as poison begins to seep into his flesh. He seems to be able to steal himself against the poison, but he does look flushed, he begins to sweat.

He is feeling very wounded. He rips the rapier out of his side, brandishes it again, and he's going to go in for a second attack. Whoa, wow! 18 plus six to hit. Well hit on this one, all right. Ain't nothing to do about it. And you are going to take nine points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. Oh boy. You have blast, though. You have plus four to it. Yeah, yeah. Hashtag blast.

Do I take less damage than a 4-person? Con save? Yeah. No. And then a d4 on the save. If you need it, you might play it while you need it. What's your coin? Plus 5. Yeah, he's good. Oh.

Four. 16. 24. Nice. You are easily able to withstand, you feel the poison as it seeps into your bloodstream, but you are a genasi of fire and the embers that naturally burn inside of your body completely evaporate the poison as it attempts to take hold. Hell yeah. And you

You take the wound, but you are unfazed as you make your attack on Eddie. You hear the rest of the den of thieves call out and hiss. They do not seem happy by this first round of combat. Yeah, I eat steel and shit nerds for breakfast, Fats Eddie. Get the hell out of my field!

I look to Gary and say, "What the fuck does that mean?" "I don't know, I can never understand his cowboy speak, but it sounds real nice." Yeah, you can shout fast, Eddie. I want to know what's mad, Eddie. Oh, not fast, Eddie!

Yeah, well you're gonna go down like your name says, man, I guess. You have Ace for me. What does Ace do? It gives you an extra attack, it doubles your speed. Extra AC. Two extra AC. But if the concentration drops, you lose the whole turn. But I'm just chilling. As long as you don't become a ghost. Two extra AC, so 20 AC. So 27 for the first hit.

Wow. Natural one for the seven. You have inspiration. All right, I count. This is a fucking moment. Okay, okay. 17. That hits. Nice! And then... Idiot Eddie.

Oh, 27 again. That misses. Oh shit, the 17 hits, the 27 misses. What the hell? He's a bull. They all hit. He seems, even though he didn't take the full brunt of the poison, you can see that he's slowing down. His skin is sallow, his forehead sweating profusely. Yeah, it's only shit. He looks like he ate something that didn't agree with him.

I've been there, friend. Yeah, it's called a sword! You moron! I still can't believe this! I'm like looking at the rest of the party, how did this happen? You played yourself, Eddie! You played yourself!

Well, that's not that bad. I grab-- after I move the rapier in to strike him into the stomach, I grab him by the wrist and I hit him with a striking headbutt as he reels back and I grab my greatsword and swing down twice, landing two more hits. And I deal 10, 15, 21, 2...

26 plus 15, 41. By the ring of power! Chaos, sit! 41 points of damage!

Eddie, you got a little something here. And he does. Blood begins to spill forth. Bitch. Yeah. Shit. Get out of my face! He reaches up and smears the blood across his face. His nose is bleeding profusely. You watch as he spits out a couple of his teeth. He bends over, retching. He is severely wounded. You hear the rest of the Den of Thieves begin to mumble amongst themselves. What are we

Like, do we help him? And they stand back. Eddie is not in a place to communicate with him. They don't know what to do without their fearless leader in this moment. Well, shit, and I'm just getting all fired up. As Eddie stumbles forward and once again attempts to make his attacks against you. I have a 20 AC.

You have a 20 AC. With the power of friendship and the Mavericks of good, there. Even at advantage, he does not make his first hit.

and it is a 20, he said? 20, two zero. 18. He stumbles forward and once again, his rapier, you hear it as it slices through the thick, humid air of the jungle, but it is unable to find purchase on you as he is severely wounded and is distracted by the caltrop in his neck.

- 27 roll of 19s is down. - Send it to the grave Gideon, end this. - This is literally the way to do combat, just buff one person. - Finish him. - Sweep the leg, put him in a body bag. - And 24, so two hit, one misses.

Oh, presumably. Oh, wait, so what was the miss? The middle one was like 13. That misses, that misses. 10, six, 17, plus 10, 27. How do you want to do this? No! He had 22 hit points left. That's sick.

No, you missed the bitch. And then I take my... I mean, am I just killing this guy? I take my greatsword. You have to make chaos at stake! Well, shucks. And here I am just getting... Oh! I cleave my greatsword down and cut him from his left shoulder straight through his stomach and clean in half.

Yikes. Your greatsword slides through him. It is warm.

the heat from your body traveling through the metal of the blade, warming it up, and just like a hot knife through butter, your blade slices through Mad Eddie, completely cutting him in two. As the rest of the den of thieves let out a shocked gasp, before any of you have the opportunity to turn on them, they dart back into the jungle. Nice! They're...

they want to take their chance with the wilderness over fighting whatever it is that you have in your power. And if you-- Quiet. Quiet. Returns to this place as you have felled the first of potentially many.

other groups' challenges that await for you in this temple. Damn, Gideon, you turned the Den of Thief leader into a spring roll. Yeah. Let's check the body, yes? He may have magic. You've earned that magic. Or perhaps clues! Well, it is logical. Yeah, I mean, he had to get in here somehow. I guess he tracks Grimm. I just want his purse.

Roll an investigation check at advantage as people are helping you. I call it out. That's not my--

I look at Scrim and say, don't grow near that damn body. What? Don't even go. I will look, I will look, and I will dig you up with whatever loot you have. I will also investigate the body. Are you helping me? I would be happy to help. I'll look at his hat and into his pockets. This is completely unreasonable. Just watch out for that sword. I think you had it poisoned or something. I'll check the entrance. I'm going to watch the entrance. Make sure nothing comes out.

Can you-- I'd like to use my inspiration. You also have your portents. You have your portents. I do, but I want to save my portents. What's a portent? So as a divination wizard, at the beginning of each day, he rolls two d20s and he gets to save those numbers and he can replace a roll

at a later date with one of those two numbers. Any d20 roll, though. Yeah, so he can mess up the DM, or he can help one of us, or it's pretty cool. Divination wizards are kind of lost in a good way. I just rolled two threes. 17.

You step towards the corpse of Mad Eddie and you begin to rifle through his belongings. You find a pouch containing about 120 gold pieces. Useless. You find the rapier that he had on him was, it's a very fine blade, it's a plus one rapier. Nice. The hat itself is also interesting as it thrums with magic. It is a hat of disguise. Ooh. And lastly, you find

Next, you find seven potions of greater healing. I'll take four of them. Lastly, at the very bottom of his satchel, you find an exact copy of the letter that you carry on yourself. Worded in the exact same way, on the exact same parchment, with the exact same script, and sitting directly next to it is a small statue of a bat.

This is the exact letter that I received. Say again? Did you have a bat? No, I did not receive a bat figure. Have we been set up? No. This is curious. This reminds me of a puzzle. I mean, it is something of a puzzle. It is. Perhaps the bat is unrelated to the letter. They called him Mad Eddie. Perhaps he was a little batty. Wow. Did you get a figurine of some other kind of animal? No, I did not. Curious. I wonder...

Maybe he stole this from some other temple or ruin. "I'll keep an eye on it." Does anybody want this other shit? I'll take the gold. Healing potion? I just wanted to see what you were going to throw out. Healing potion for you. Yeah, you earned it. Listen, Drake's on me tonight, all right? All right, dude. Wild play, you did well. Listen, if we are to meet other people on this adventure, that was a good recipe for success.

Yes. Well, hopefully then, maybe that's it. It'll just be them and us, and we kill them, and we can go at our leisure. What do you think, folks? I certainly hope so. The power of optimism manifesting? I mean, I didn't have to do anything. It was great. Yeah. I thought I had an exclusive in on this ring with that letter, but here, I mean, it's the exact same. It's almost like an exact copy. Where did you receive that letter from, Clayton?

Where did I receive that letter from, DM? You are unsure. To just show up to him. I don't know where it came from. It's like the invitation. But you had heard-- Just deliver it to me. You had heard whisperings about the appearance of the temple. You knew that it--

you knew of it, it was something that you had studied, and there were parts of the letter itself that made it very clear to you that there was truth to be told in the letter itself, as well as an incredibly large coin purse attached to it. Someone of great importance had sent this, and they did very clearly have the money to back up their word. That if what appears to be the truth, that we are the first here, Clayton,

Perhaps we travel forth post haste. For if we are to assume that others are behind us, right now it seems that we have the advantage. Let us travel forward. I hope so. Jotidi, I think that's a logical deduction. We should move...

Let us proceed. I'll go grab the body that's dead, and I'll try to-- I'll drag it with us to get it out of the way. Okay. So that people have to try to figure it out. As we get through that threshold, I'm going to look around to see if I can figure out a way to close this door. You roll a perception check. Okay. Ooh, 14. Strong, strong. Pretty good roll. Stand by, sorry.

You're good. I can't believe I'm level five. Oh, plus eight! Plus two! All of you make your way in through the door that opened up after you answered the three riddles for the Sphinx. You stand back, Jotiti, and you inspect the outside of the door. You look for any loose stones that may be pressable buttons or things of this nature. You eventually notice that there is a small hinge at the base of the torch to the left side of the door.

You reach up and you pull it down and as you do, these stones begin to move and seal. Nice! Oh shit! As you close the door behind you. Well done, harbinger of goodness, Jotiti. Well done, Jotiti! Jotiti. Jotiti wins! Harbinger of goodness. No one's getting through that stone door unless they're a stone puncher.

Oh man, ain't many of those left, that's for sure. And it is here that you hear the sound of running water as you make your way through the hall and enter the next room. Its recessed floor is filled with shallow water and at the center stands a tall stone obelisk covered in carvings. There seem to be other doors going deeper into the temple, but all of them are obscured by sheets of falling water.

At the pointed top of the obelisk are unsettling carvings of four figures with leering faces, almost as if they are malevolent gods foreboding your doom in the misshapen forms that approximate a snake, a toad, a fish, and a bat. At the base of the obelisk on each of the four sides are very clearly carvings that resemble weapons.

a sword, a staff, a bow, and a mace. And if you could replace that map tile with this one. Nice! Ooh! Well done, dear. And I marked the cardinal directions. Snake-toed fish bat. Snake-toed fish bat.

Sword, staff, bow, mace. Oh, staff and mace. Norvige this way. I was looking for the cover. Sword, fish? No, there's a snake, a fish, a toad, a bat, a sword, a staff, a bow, and a mace. So at the very top of the obelisk, you see the creatures, and it's not a toad, it is a foreboding creature that resembles a toad. Oh.

As if some sort of creature was trying to take on the image of a toad, a bat, a snake, et cetera. And at the very base of the obelisk, corresponding, you'll have the, I can actually tell you, the north, you have the snake, and at the bottom,

At the bottom, you have the sword. On the south side of the obelisk, you have the toad on the top and the mace on the base. You have, towards the east side, the fish on the top and the staff on the bottom. And on the west side, the bat on the top and the bow on the bottom. Is there any connection? And I'll pull the bat relic out and see if I can-- It looks very, very similar to what you see at the top of the obelisk. What are the connections again? It's bat.

Bat and Beau. Bat and Beau on the west side. Fish and staff. On the east side. Toad and mace. On the south side. And snake and swords. On the north side. Snake and sword and--

Is it a big sword? It just looks like a sword. You have a sword, Gideon. Yeah. It's pretty cool, too. It is pretty cool. In looking around, is there any place near the bat where the bat would actually be able to fit into the obelisk? As you inspect the obelisk, it's very clear that it is completely solid.

You do not see any recesses. I won't even make you roll for that. You can't see any recesses. You check along the base where the obelisk sinks down into the pool of water just to see if there are any alcoves or hidden mechanisms, and everything is completely smooth. Can we tell how deep the water is?

It's about a foot, maybe a foot and a half deep. Okay, so it's like a-- Yeah, it's just a recessed area. Are we in the water or not in the water? To get to the obelisk, you have to wade through the water. So I'm in the water. You're in the water. Okay. I'm like knee deep.

Speak for yourself. Depending on who you are, yes. I'm doggy paddling around. I'm like, "Calf, deep." On the same side as the bat, if I look at that door, is there anything around the door that looks like a bat? Or again, looking for some kind of, I don't know, insert or some kind of, you know, something that the bat would make sense in that door.

Looking around the room, the stone is once again smooth. It is so smooth you couldn't even fit a piece of parchment between the stones themselves. The only thing that prevents you from being able to make your way deeper into any of these rooms is the quickly flowing sheets of water that are flowing down in front of them so quickly that it seems near impossible to make your way through them.

So if I grab my shield, because I always travel with a shield, and I try to slam it in there to create a shield where the water comes crashing down, can we see inside? So I'm going to take my shield and smash it through and try to withstand... Roll a strength saving throw. Okay. Oh!

That's not great, that's not great. Probably a 12. A 12 is not bad. You are able to wedge your shield-- 10. Oh, it's 10. Oh my god. I said probably, not 10. I think a 10 will be-- rule of cool, I like this idea.

You're not going to be strong enough to hold up the water with your shield for too long. Not even long enough that it would allow the rest of the group to glimpse into this room. But you head towards the north entrance and you use your shield to block the water for just a moment, long enough for you to look into a large room that has no exits. The only thing that you see is a large, is a large

green stone image of a fish head that is, it's carved out of this green stone and affixed to the wall. There are two steps that lead up to it, but aside from this you see absolutely nothing else in this room before the water

flowing as quickly as it is, nearly breaks your arm as you're trying to hold this shield up. I let it go long before my arm breaks. You do let it go, but you're feeling the pressure in your shoulder as you notice that each of the eyes glow. One eye is glowing golden, the other one is glowing an orangish red as you let your arm down and you are pushed backwards from the flowing water.

I fall down and splash down in the water. I've seen something. All right, it's all right, Jotizi. How was it? Whoa, Frost. Yes? I am okay. Thank you for asking. Clayton, the room beyond has cat and glowing eyes. It's a fish head.

A fish head looks a lot like a cat. It's a catfish! It could be a catfish! It's a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish! It could be a catfish

No, no, no, no reason. Perhaps the sword. Let's investigate the sword. What do you think, Gideon? Can I do an investigation? Can I do a perception check? Yeah, absolutely. That seems suspect as shit. Right. The paws and the grabbing of the whiskers seems totally bullshit. Yeah, so I'll have you roll an insight check. That's what I'm looking for. Yes, come on! Oh, big money.

23! I look at him, I'm like, "Craig!" Why do you care about a fish in your pockets? I keep everything in my magical case, of course, but I just, a fish, I mean, it connects to this obelisk. What did you roll against it? I rolled a four. You go ahead and answer.

I've not been truthful with all of you. Whoa! I didn't follow him. I move to be the immediate leader of this group. Bad Maverick. Bad. Let me explain. I'm the Mavericks of goodness that also cut a guy's head. Not lying to your friend. Hey, that's pretty good. I've been lying for the last five minutes. When I said I did not receive a relic, I did. I received a relic in the shape of a fish. How do you lie?

I mean we asked you point blank! You just had to say yes! I wasn't sure in case we meet

In the other parties, I didn't want to let slip accidentally. And I'm like, look at Scrim. What? I won't stand for this. Again, it's your fault. Everything is your fault. It seems like a lot of deflection, Clay. It feels like you've been caught in line. They're not very friendly. And that worked pretty good, man. I was ready to blame Scrim. We should blame Scrim. Well, damn it. Now I'm back on the Scrim frame. This is...

Someone is pitting us against these other groups. Yes! With the letters and the figures. And I don't know why.

Professor Clayton Azrael of Salary University, the leader of this expedition. Professor Clayton Azrael.

and then here we are again and you've lied. I've only turned over five or six new leaves throughout the course of this expedition. I've only known you like a year. Frost. Yes? I ask you, what should we do with him? Should we kill him?

Me? Yes. You lied to the group. The group has a decision to make, a very important one. I don't know if Frost has the mental capability to answer that question. Yeah, he's down a whole level. No, no, no, no. He's a bastion of strength. I feel better. I feel better. My headache's gone. I may be somewhat diminished, but Clayton is a sharp mind. I believe that he meant to help us find the ring and that concealing the fish was part of a plan that he thought would work. It was...

I think a good intent, even if it was a bad thing to do. Mm, misaligned. I have a concern that if others receive this letter, it's very possible that we weren't the first. And we may encounter others. Well, we have something that they don't have. We've got two statues now, right? We do. Presumably the other parties only have one.

That's twice second place! That's right, that's right. And if there are only four, then maybe there are just two groups. We have the fish and the bat connected to the staff and the bow, east and west. Can you reveal your fish?

That's a weird way to ask that. Show me a fish. It's really inappropriate, Frost. Show me a giant-- Right in the middle of something. Show me a hammerhead shark. If you could just pull out your fish right now, I think that we need to experiment with it. I'm into that fish. It's the whale shark. Is it just the whale shark? Can you guys even hear yourselves? Unbelievable. I want you to put your fish right in my hand so that we can experiment with it.

What? I warn you, it's slimy. All right, I regret leading this down the stairs. Well, just so you know, I'm going to, as-- I'm really disgusted. I actually find this moment

Not the sexual innuendo. No, no, you're fine with that. That's fine. That's fine. I was an athlete once in high school. I understand. Listen, I find it repugnant to be lied to. I find it, look, as a cleric, I'm the harbinger of, what's my name? Peace. Oh, no. The gifted harbinger. I'm the gifted harbinger.

And I'm gonna walk away from the group. Yeah. And I'm gonna take Clayton from here on out. I do not trust you. And this is unfortunate. On behalf of this group, we cannot walk together. We cannot walk as one. We will not survive. So in this moment, you have to earn my trust back. And I will storm off through the water and slosh through. I'm gonna watch the door because now I believe there are two other groups coming.

You make your way, you slosh through the water, and you make your way towards the door that you had peered through, and you lean back against the wall. You're very frustrated as you watch what happens here, and your eyes dart back and forth between the east and the west entrances, and you keep your ears open for any sounds of anyone else traveling within this place. Roll a perception check at advantage. 21. 21. Hey! All right.

21's a high. Oh, damn, double 21's. All right, I will keep that in mind. All right, I gotta be honest here, guys. Look, he's right. Clayton, you messed up, but I'm also a little conflicted because he was advocating for my murder earlier. So, you know, six to one, half a dozen to the other. I don't really know where to go from here. Things are tense, Joe TT. I understand where you're coming from. We all feel betrayed and hurt. Are you at least a little sad about it? Can you apologize?

Well, I guess I could. I'm sorry. Why don't you do that right now? I'm sorry that I had this information. I believe it was for a good reason. For if this was public knowledge and we encountered another party, they happened to learn that through means outside of my control, they would have the upper hand.

I believe that's totally just and logical and reasonable. Would it be helpful if we all told a secret about that chance that we lied in the past? Like before I was using Gary's Goodberry's nose clippers to trim my ass hairs and I didn't tell him.

You no wonder it smelled like shit. So, Gary, I'm sorry. See how that works? Well, I forgive you, Scrim, because I believe in forgiveness. I believe that no one should be defined by their worst day and their worst mistake. That's very kind of you. And now also I kind of feel bad about the whole situation. Well, I think we all should feel bad. We should all be friends together and not be arguing. The fate of the world's at stake. The ring of chaos is going to cause chaos or something. I don't know. If we let it get into the hands of bad... Imagine if bad idiot got his hands on him.

It'd be doom for all of us. We'd all be had to wear capes and stupid hats. Something, who knows, even worse. So we gotta stop him. So you got any other statues we don't know about, Mr. Asrae? No, just the one. And now we have the two, and there are two remaining, presumably. Maybe there's ten of each, for all we know. I'm still holding my hand out.

Oh right, curio. And I'll wave my hand and my case will float up and open up magically. And it is as this happens that, actually, I will roll the d8. You hear the thrum of magic as this entire temple, the chaos that is building within this begins to warp the temple itself.

As the chaos spreads out, all of you feel it overcome you. I need all of you to roll a d100 for me, please. Oh! No! Because I got a one, so that affects everybody.

I got a 92. 84. Somebody tell me how to do this. You roll two d-taps. Frost, what did you get? And which one goes first? So this is 44. See, yeah, so 44. Derek, what'd you get? 97. Whoa! 84. 84, thank you. 23. Rich? 38. I refuse to roll. Kels? 73. And then lastly, Mike. 23. Okay.

The Crooked Moon.

A folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck and more. Thanks! Bye! The chaos magic pulses around you and all of you feel it seeping into your flesh, into your bones, into your souls. Scrim, if you die...

you automatically reincarnate. Oh. Wow. Wow. That sounds like a blessing, not a curse. I know, I was waiting for the as a. Yeah. As a snail. We will find out if Scrim dies. Oh. What do you mean if? Gideon. You begin to pulse with a dark black and purple magic.

The flames that, the embers that crackle in your beard turn to a dark purple instead of a red, instead of an orange as necrotic magic bursts out from you. All of you will take 1d10 necrotic damage. Ouch. Shit. All of us? All of you. Including me? Except for you. Do we roll it ourselves? Yes, roll it yourself, take the damage and you will regain hit points equal to the damage they took.

Oh no! I lost three, so you gain three. I lost two, that's five. Ooh, I lost nine. That's nine. I lost nine, too! 18, 27. I'm doing it. Eight? Eight. 27 plus eight is 35. Do I get temporary hit points? No. Damn it. Good try.

He's even more unattractive! You're all blasted by this necrotic energy. Ah! Gideon, no. Clayton, it's your fault! It's the fish statue, it's the fish statue! It's twangy, it wasn't me! Pick one of your companions. Well, shucks, I feel great! I will choose the Gifted Harbinger. You look towards your tabaxi companion, and in a fit of chaotic madness, you let loose a-- not a fireball--

You let loose magic missiles at 5th level. Oh my god! JTD's not gonna trust any of us. It's game over. It's just chaos. I guess I'll look that up. 5th level, that's a lot of d4s. That was just rude, really. You need some?

Hold on. It might be like 7d4s. Magic Mithril. You know Debbie's so happy to give him two. I mean, if you do. I mean, if you guys don't like Scooby-Doo, just tell me. You love Scooby-Doo. I was off by two. There's two more. I need one more d4 over here. I'm going to grab a d4 right here. Why are you doing my d4? Oh, yeah.

From his own pool. Seven, ten-- You roll like hot fire. 12, 14. 14 points of force damage. That's good. I try to grab Jotiti's hand. You are trying to console him after he walks off. It's going to be okay, Jotiti.

You feel the missiles slam into your body as you are thrown backwards, slamming into the wall. The chaos magic consumes you as well, and all of you see that same purple and black magic begin to throb and pulse within Jotiti as all of you once again take

10, 1d10 worth of necrotic damage and you will heal from-- Six. Oh, Jotunia heals about it. Let's go in order from Derek. Hold on, let's start with Derek. We'll go this way. Three. Three, six is nine. Eight. Eight is 17. Two. That's 19. Nine damage. That's 28. Seven.

35. 35 again. You heal for 35 points. Holy shit. So, Gigi, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm not sure. We're all just exploding. Well, how'd this happen? Lord, I love thee. Thank you. Trunks win! Trunks win!

And as you say this, Clayton, into existence popping around you, one, two, three, five flumps appear around you. They seem happy and excited to be near you. They move in towards you and rest on your shoulder. They make these cute squeaking noises as they fly up under your hat. It's quite obnoxious.

and you can't seem to get them to remove themselves from your body. What are they? Flumps. They're these adorable fey jellyfish. They're very cute, but they're quite obnoxious. How do you do? Oh, actually, no. I mean, you're cute for a second. You open your mouth and one of them flies in and you have to spit it back out. It does not taste great.

But for this foreseeable future, you are encumbered by flumps. Oh fuck! Cumbered by flumps is my number one. Encumbered by flumps, yeah. It's an encumbrance of flumps. That's really funny. Hazel, please pick one of your fireblades. Not it, not it! Do not look me in the eyes. Hey! I pick Gary.

Roll a d4 please. B? No, hazel. Pick my floats! One.

You turn and you look towards Gary Goodberry as he is telling this tale. You're not distracted by the flumps as the chaos magic infuses your body and two rays of poison shoot out from your eyes like you were a horny toad. What? Horny toads spit blood out of their eyes. It's really creepy, but I'm doing poison because they're also kind of poisonous. I didn't know that was fun. You are poisoned for an hour.

Oh my gosh. What's happening? I'm sorry.

It's all in my eyes! As this happens, you watch as Gary Goodberry's skin turns a vibrant blue. Whoa! You turned blue, too! Oh god, is he asphyxiating? But you're right! He's reading Gary. He's eating one too many good berries. Let him go, I am a cleric, it's fine. We have his position covered in the group. What just happened? It's good to know. What just happened, Ola?

We just exploded. He's a nice Gary Goodberry. He was a good companion. He didn't lie to people. I'm trying not to. Wow, Gary, you're looking pretty rough. This is awful with the poison and the novas and the ag. I feel pretty good.

Nothing happened to you. Yeah, you came fine. Kind of strange. Well, you were blasted by horrible purple magics like multiple times. Oh, Scrim needs one. You're right. No, he got one. If he dies, he automatically retires. Yeah, I mean, I'm a little beat up, but I've been worse. I feel all right. It's kind of weird. I stabbed him in the heart. I know, I know. I know, I know. That was a joke.

Could you stab these cute things in the heart? I wouldn't hate that. Oh, don't do that. No, we're not gonna hurt your flumps. It is all right, don't move. Your lovely lady flumps. I knew it, I knew it was coming. Gideon, attack the sword or something. We gotta move on or else we're all gonna explode and tear each other apart. I don't know what's happening. I don't know, if the sword moves us forward, I'm grabbing it. It is around this time that the humming and the thrumming of this temple begins to subside and all returns to quiet.

Oh, goodness. That was a lot. To the obelisk, the sword that's depicted on the obelisk. Yeah, I know, I've got it. I'm up at the obelisk right now. My hands are wrapped firmly around the sword and I'm balling. Is it an actual sword or is it just like-- Oh, jeez. No, it's a carving. It's like a hieroglyphic. There's a carving under the hieroglyphic. Do sword-esque things in front of it. I don't fucking know. I grab my sword and I spin it behind my back and under my breath I say,

And to see if anything happens. As you stand in front of this face of the obelisk and you wield your sword before it, you watch as the depiction of both the animal at the top and the sword at the bottom begin to glow with a soft white light. Nice! Well, hell, I'm doing it working! I can't believe that worked. That's amazing!

Where did you get the sword? I just have a sword. Oh, you had a sword. Well, I have a sword. Oh my bad, it's just my sword. He has a great sword like you have a basic mace. Right. It's no coincidence that there are four sides to this obelisk, and there are four classes represented amongst us. Cleric, fighter, wizard, and...

What's the other one? It's rogue! You know, I left my bow at home. You don't have a bow? No, I have daggers and little short swords. You know, look, I got little arms. What do you expect me to do with a bow? It's bigger than me. That's true. Fight from far.

I like to get in there and stab them. Sometimes bite their ankles. So what are the other icons? Yes, we have the snake, the toad, the fish, and the bat connected to the sword, the staff, the bow, and the mace. I have a mace. Oh, good, I left mine at home. I have this club. I've got my mace and my shield.

I'll get up to the mace side and sort of do my, like, I'll go through... Your victory pose. Yeah. Or, like, I'll go through, like, you know, the key thing. I will go through my... Every morning, I wake up before dawn. Exactly. And I do a ritual of, like, mace work. Yeah, and attuning to your...

My craft! Your craft. My craft of death and bludgeoning. And peace. Peace and death. If you want peace, prepare for war. Hell yeah. You stand on the south side, directly opposite from Gideon, as you do your victory pose, mace in hand, and when you are finished, the final flourish of movement, you watch as

the symbols of both the animal on the top and the mace on the bottom begin to glow with a soft white light. Hell yeah. Yes! Stand back. Somebody's going to get hit with magic missiles. Everybody, you got to run up and do a victory pose in front of your side. I can do that. Well, get on up there. I'll fling my longbow out from behind me and do my approximation of what I think Sailor Moon might do in a cartoon and go, "No, no, no."

And I'll string my bow at the obelisk. All the lights go out. The splashing through the water is a beautiful dance as you do these motions. And in your final pose, as you hold the bowstring tight or taut, you watch as, once again, the animal on the top and the bow on the bottom

illuminates on the west side of the obelisk. Nice! One more left. Chucks, that leaves Wizard. I hope neither of you left your staffs at home. I carry my staff with me, thank you very much. You use a staff? Well, I reach into my backpack. Oh, you reach into your pants. It was right there.

That's not a staff, those are just tent poles. What are you doing? Just a moment, I'm going to make a staff. Oh, it's collapsible? Well played, Foss. Without you, we are lost. Thank you, thank you. It's always good to be prepared, I always say, and I will assemble a staff. Look at him, look at him assemble. I can't believe I left my mace in my other pants. As he does this, I say to everyone, I think we should find the four corners of the room.

Let us be prepared for whatever's to happen. If this obelisk comes crashing down, if a door opens, if the water starts to flow freely, we need to be prepared. If anyone explodes from necrotic magic, I'm going to step away from all of you, but we'll all be ready. Anyone who's not doing a victory dance. Oh, yeah. So we got four people around the obelisk. I'm backing away. So you're in the corner. And then there.

and Clayton can be in the corner. All right. Okay. That's pretty good. Staffs are so three-legged. Very second-age, I agree, but... Actually, that isn't a good point. The staff is really just a symbol. Perhaps, let me just try something.

I will reach out with my mind, and without a staff, I will push into the symbol of the staff, and I will try to read its thoughts. I will try to pierce the veil. I will try to go into its mind and see if that is the representation of my wizardly power, rather than the need for an object. All right, Frost, you lost more than a whole level. And how do you endeavor to do this?

Well, they just had to sing Sailor Moon and stuff. I mean-- Well, what '90s media are you pulling on, all right? Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! Yeah! I push through with my mind saying, "Thundercats, ho!" Fine, you know what? Fine. Yeah!

Thank you. You do, though the obelisk does not have a mind for you to read, you attune yourselves to the magics of this place. You can feel the innate arcane magics that infuse every stone in this room, in this temple.

And you are able to attune yourself to this obelisk. No need for a staff. It's not about the weapon that you hold, but the magics and the power that you wield. And as you do this, you all watch as Frost stares forward, almost completely still, as every breath that he takes is attuning to this obelisk before Frost.

both of them illuminate with a soft white glow. And as they do, a wave-- thank you, I wish I could do those noises. As this happens, the entire room begins to hum with magic, and then you hear the rumbling as the obelisk itself begins to sink into the ground. And as it does, it doesn't disappear fully, but the--

The pyramid cap on the obelisk is the only thing that remains as all around it you see grapes revealed as the water begins to rush down into the space between the obelisk and the floor. The walls...

where the waterfalls were keeping you from being able to exit, they begin to slow, and you realize that the doors on the left and the right, the east and the west, were simply mirages. There's nothing but stone behind them. The one to the north, however, is no longer blocked, and you're able to move forward deeper into the Temple of Chaos.

Oh, Mavericks of goodness, strike again! I'll lower my hands and shift them into my robe sleeves.

Let us proceed. Trunks win! Trunks win! On to the next room! Keep a fish head. Lord, I love thee. Thank you. We proceed. You all make your way forward. Clayton, did you see us? As we proceed, I say to Clayton, your group has accomplished so much, and yet your tongue is held still. You have not a kind word to give.

I ask you, what kind of leader is this? He lies, he does not provide encouragement, strength in the group. Kill him! You really should have been in Curses for Dawn, yes. I am not saying to kill him. I am just challenging that perhaps you are not the leader you believe you are. The words is not leadership.

Is this a mutiny you suggest? "It is not. It is a challenge to you all." Well, could I pose a question? "Yes, love." What do you have to offer us? Because really, I only came along because he had promises of-- "Money." Money. "Treasure." Treasure. "Gold." "Treats." A recommendation. I ask you this, other than you who will resurrect if you die, the rest of us, to chase nothing but money,

Isn't the stuff a legend? Isn't the stuff a hero? It is not the medal to win the Ring of Chaos. It's true. You have to have more than that. That's true. I'm not challenging you. You want words of encouragement? Well, if we can win this Ring of Chaos,

I will double all of your pay! Wow. Double? I will double it as long as I survive. And we get rid of Chaos. Frost. I will always have your back, just know that. Thank you. Others may not. Who likes gold?

I'm not doing this for money. I'm not a political-- I'm doing this to find the Ring of Chaos and learn its secrets. Yeah, me too. To learn its powers. We never really gave thought to what it would mean if we found the ring. That's a really good question. Clayton, what do you plan on doing with this thing? Aye, there's a question. Aye, leader, what are you going to do? It belongs in the museum. Why? It needs to be studied, protected.

I will place it in the greatest... It'll be housed for eternity. So it won't fall into the wrong hands? Exactly right. The Asran wing of the Mistalri Museum. Wow!

And that's more protective than this place? That is. Yes. Yeah. Of course. I mean, look at this. Fast Eddie almost broke an idiot. I mean, if anyone liked Fast Eddie, he could just waltz right in. He was bad at it. Yeah. He just got me all confused. Listen, let's continue forward. But I'm just saying.

I expect more out of the leader. I agree, you need to really, you need to do some shadow work. Maybe start some therapy. Yeah. If you don't-- Say thank you once in a while. People will just look at you and say, "All hat."

That's really great fun. This is my expedition because I funded it and I decided to come here, but it's not like I'm the leader in the way that Hannibal's the leader of the A-Team, you know what I mean? I'm not like a commando, you know what I mean? It's not really my style. Well, if you think a bunch of nerds are going to keep this thing out of their wrong hands, like Mad Eddie and his Mad Squad, get a Mad Eddie.

The guy you cut in half! His name wasn't Fast Eddie! No! Bullshit! I called him Fast Eddie right when I cut him in half! All I'm saying, we may run into tougher customers than the guy in the Zorro costume. I'm saying, I've cut him twice! It's really, I'm just getting it right! What's more intimidating than the guy in the Zorro costume? That's what I'm saying! That's what I'm saying! Nothing could be worse! Gary, I think you may be undecided. We head now north.

into the wing of the snake. Towards the fish? No, the fish and the bad doors were illusions. We're heading north now into the snake corridor, unless I misheard our dungeon mistress. No, you are heading north. If you want to replace that tile with this one. Ooh, a new tile. As you enter this small chamber, you see--

You see the statue of an enormous misshapen fish head carved from a dark green stone and affixed to the wall. Both of its eyes hum with glowing energy, glowing in two different colors. Its right eye pulses with a soft golden light while its right eye radiates with chaotic orange and red light. This is exactly what you remember saying.

And it was described to all of you. It matches the description perfectly. And as you look around the room, once again, you see that all of the stone, the statue itself affixed to the wall, the fish head, is almost seamless. There's not enough room between the wall and the fish head to even slide a sheet of parchment.

The stones that create the floor, the walls, the ceiling are all meticulously crafted together and perfectly smooth. There is nothing else in this room that you can see. You know, Jotiti, you're right. You all have been doing the heavy lifting. Let me put my own life at risk. I've been spending months studying that fish relic and I believe there may be some connection, so stay back! Wait, do you honestly think that it might take your life?

I mean, I think any one of these rooms could take our lives in an instant. Oh, so you're thinking more of like a metaphysical level, not like literally. You're just like, just in case maybe this is your turn to step up, that's... Well, I think if I walk up there and I take ten magic misses to the face, I might die. I'm always the best, after all. All right, well, you know, hey.

Good luck. I go up to you and I grab your ear and I wiggle my fingers in your ear and you have guidance. You feel like a tinge of energy starts to cascade around your ear and you have a sense that you are imbued with guidance. I feel at peace, Jotiti. Thank you.

Let the leadership shine in you. It's very intimate. Yes, it was. It was very-- You should see what I do for Bless. I'm going to use Free Salt. It is delicious. Well, I don't think I'll be that intimate, but I think I'm going to maybe say,

Eat up! Good berries are good! I cast Mass Healing Word on everyone. That is... That's pretty good.

Oh, that'll be nine points of healing. Oh! To everyone. That got me exactly to max. Nice. That got me to-- Is anyone else down? I'm good. Specifically, Frost, are you all right? I'm feeling good. Are you all right? I'm good. Well, hang on, I'm carrying my voice for a second. I'm good, that brought me back up, tip top.

How much was it? I'm probably bad. Nine. Nine hit points. Oh. I am-- I got blasted to shit. Do you do a heal? No, I heal and I heal others, so. Oh, great. Because I'm a life cleric. You probably need to get rid of that poison, though. That's cool. Oh, I am poisoned. You are poisoned for an hour. I call and I'm still blue. And you're blue. This guy's got to rest over it. We got to rest over it. We got used to that very quickly.

You know, I'm keeping my spirits up. He's Gary Blueberry. Gary Blueberry. Gary Blueberry. Well, I'll rebrand to Gary Blueberry, Good Blueberry. Shouldn't it be, with alliteration, shouldn't it be like Berry Blueberry? Barry. No, Frolls. Barry, Barry, Barry.

What are you saying? It's only New Jersey that has a distinction. I heard him say berry. Berry, good berry. That doesn't work. It's Barry. No. Barry Blueberry. What are you saying? Barry the Good Berry. Barry Blueberry. So let me explain. In this mythical land of New Jersey, they pronounce Barry and Berry distinctly. Two different words. Why? The name and the fruit? Yes, exactly right. It's like this Mary and Mary and Mary

and Mary. It's actually three different pronunciations. I didn't even think of the name. I thought he was talking about like a bear, like as if he enjoyed the qualities of being bear-like, you know? As if he was "bear-ee" or "Berry." We are so far from the Ring of Chaos. Let us proceed. You are going to step forward and be a leader. I'd like to see this. I pull out a little, like, I pull out, like, my hands go like this. I start to watch you through these hands.

I wave my hand over the ground and I'll say, "Sensu ma khanus," and I will cast

detect magic. As I approach, and I want to sort of investigate if I can, and see if any of my research about the fish rings true here. You begin to cast this spell, and it takes hold, but as it does, once again, the temple responds as the innate chaos magic within this place begins to thrum and shoot out. Two.

I refuse. Derek, I need you to roll a d100, please. Oh! Bad boy. But that's my name. You didn't mean to say that, right? I did. Oh, that's cocked. Let's give me some 49. 49, you say? I did a hold your hat. Oh, that feels worse. You feel the chaos magic infuse you. You all watch as

You can see the magic in this place swirling through this room as it all shoots directly towards Frost. And it pierces into his body as he is wracked with chaos magic. You open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. Only beautiful pink bubbles float up out of your mouth. Oh. Oh. That's kind of nice.

He's a fucking Oompa Loompa. Oh! Oh, and I just heard a new blueberry! Is this actually Willy Wonka's chocolate? And I'm a certificate of obsession! The Temple of Chaos! It's all been a ruse! We all got a golden-- the letter was a golden ticket!

Oh! I have an existential crisis. So you are unable to talk, you just-- For the next minute, he is unable to speak and he just blows bubbles out of his mouth. I don't know that we have to see this as a bad thing. Well, I'm more worried that there's some horrific side effects or something awful's going to happen.

Well, so far it was just the one of us. Last time everyone exploded into crazy magic. Everybody but Scrim. I'm all right, I'm good. Everything's fine, I'm all in one piece. We just never quite know what's going on with you, you know? And as they're having this conversation, Clayton, your latent magics infiltrate this room in a way that you begin to see it clearly. You look towards this fish head and you see the creation magics that

that one of these eyes has, the destruction of the other. And you think back towards your study on the fish head, and though you didn't learn anything about the specific statue that you held in your hand, you had read tales of a room, a potential room inside the Temple of Chaos that could create and destroy magical items, if one was brave enough to retrieve that which they sought. - Oh, false alarm, gang.

What is it? This is magics evoking the tenets of alchemy, reconstruction and deconstruction. It creates and destroys. Perhaps...

First I'll say, stay away from the destruction one. It could destroy anything that we throw in there. Should we just test something? Does anyone have anything random? Oh, I have a good berry! Gosh, I haven't really contributed this much. All you hear is like a and I have like 100 call drops. I'm going to throw a good berry up into the eye of destruction, that he says is the eye of destruction. You do this. The good berry flies through the eye that is both red and orange.

and you watch as it is incinerated. Oh!

You feel a sense of emptiness within you. You feel that you only had the ability to do this but once. Oh! Oh, I love you. Oh, shucks! Don't destroy anything carelessly. I feel like I'm just blowing a great opportunity. But I'm willing to take the sacrifice because this reminds me of the cycle of life and death, like Shantae would want. All right, stand back.

By goddess, I'm a cleric. Let us see what creation does. Oh no, what are you doing? I will put my life at risk. Are you sure? Yes, I will prove to you that... All of us, not just me. The greatness of Clayton Azran and the Azran expedition is justified. And I'm going to reach up and try to like...

I don't know, summon or use or call upon the creation magic and see what happens. Thinking back to your research, one of the things that stood out was that there was a significant importance on bravery and taking that which you sought.

and you do attempt to pull from it something, but it begins to be clear to you that you are going to have to reach into the eye. I'm going up with-- Oh! Oh no. You watch as Clayton sinks his arm into the eye. You all watch as

The eye expands around his hand, his wrist, his elbow. He is shoulder deep inside of this fish eye. I'm feeling rude. You are able to pull something from it. Roll a d100 for me. Oh, nice! Roll high or low? High. We'll see. Go high. Straight 50.

56. Fuck you, Jynx. You're getting a quiver of arrows. I mean, I mean. There's only seven of them. The feathers are bent. If one of them's broken, yeah.

You reach in and you pull out. At first, it comes away with ease, but you realize very quickly that what you're pulling from this is nothing small. A four foot tall mirror is pulled out of this thing that swirls with the faint images of creatures within it. You have found yourself a mirror of life trapping.

Wow. What? Do I know what that does? When this four foot tall mirror is viewed indirectly, its surface shows faint images of creatures. The mirror weighs 50 pounds and it has an AC 11, 10 hit points and vulnerability to bludgeoning damage. It shatters and is destroyed when reduced to zero hit points. If the mirror is hanging on a vertical surface and you are within five feet of it, you can use an action to speak its command word and activate it. It remains activated until you use an action to speak the command word again.

Any creature other than you that sees its reflection in the activated mirror while within 30 feet of it must succeed a DC 15 charisma saving throw or be trapped. - Oh my god. - Along with anything it is wearing or carrying in one of the mirror's 12 extra dimensional cells. This saving throw is made with advantage if the creature knows the mirror's nature and constructs succeed on the saving throw automatically.

Ah.

Extra-dimensional cells are already occupied. The mirror frees one trapped creature at random to accommodate the new prisoner. A freed creature appears in an unoccupied space within sight of the mirror, but facing away from it. If the mirror is shattered, all creatures it contains are freed and appeared in unoccupied spaces near it. While within five feet of the mirror, you can use an action to speak the name of one creature trapped in it or call out a particular cell by number. The creature named or contained in the named cell appears as an image on the mirror's surface.

You and the creature can then communicate normally. In a similar way, you can use an action to speak a second command word and free one creature trapped in the mirror. The freed creature appears, along with its possessions, in the unoccupied space nearest to the mirror and facing away from it. This mirror has ten cells used. Oh my god. But you don't know their names, you don't know the command word.

Is it another command word? Not currently, if you attune to it. You would automatically learn the command word. For the sake of this and the

the ability that you use to learn more about this. As you hold on to this, you realize that in this moment you have a choice. You can choose to keep this. It's basically White Elephant. You can choose to keep this, give it to one of the members of the party, or you have one opportunity to destroy it and select something new.

A mulligan. Mm-hmm. You're reaching in. I'm going to look closely at the mirror. And each person can only destroy one thing. Oh, you haven't pulled it out? Oh, shit. No, he has pulled it. But I wanted to make a Superman II joke. You don't get to keep it in there. It's pulled out, it's in your possession. You can either destroy it, keep it, or give it away. Oh my god. I'm carrying this effortlessly. Oh my god! This is a magic item. Presumably we can all pull from this. How did you do that? It is very rare.

It is very rare. I just, you walk up and you have faith. You reach in and you pull it out. Did you like ask for a giant mirror? No, I didn't ask for anything. I think it was just totally random. I have something in my mind's eye that I would like. What are you going to do before that? Before whatever little thing comes out of your mind? What are you doing with the mirror? Are you going to keep it? I don't...

No, should I keep it? Is it safe? What would you do with it? It looks like it weighs a ton. What are you going to do with it? He's going to go into combat with it. It's unwieldy. I feel like we could really solve a lot of problems with that thing real quick. I think so, too. I mean, but we'd have to trick people and they'd have to fail their saving throws and...

I think I'm going to keep it, I like it. Oh my lord. It's handsome. It's a little heavy, but I've got it. All right. Come on. It's a beautifully ornate mirror. No, it's fine. Sure? Yep. I'm going to carry it. You're just going to carry a 50-pound, four-foot-tall mirror? Yep.

No, this is fine. You'll have to direct me where to go. Mourningfrost gets your attention as you're carrying it over, and he's going to start doing a ritual. Oh boy. You can see a psionic hand coming out of nothingness into existence just through the use of his thought alone. Then you see another hand, and they join hands. You can see one grab the wrist of that, and then grab the wrist, and grab the wrist, and grab the wrist. You'll spend ten minutes producing a floating disk

Nice! They can carry up to 500 pounds. And then he waves his hand forward. You can speak now. It's only a minute of your bubbles. Oh, it was only a minute? It was only a minute. You can use this floating disc to carry your mirror around. Let's-- Oh, sweet, a loot wagon. Let us proceed. Don't break it! Gently. Do you think you'll turn me unblue?

I mean, anything can happen. It's a, you know, it's an eye of creation. Well, if Scrim has something on his mind, why doesn't he stick his hand in next? Okay, that's fine. You think of it. I will. And if you pull it out, we know that we have some control. And, for the record, Joe TT, my dreams are very big. I'm 6'4", and I wrote for UC Davis. LAUGHTER

Yes! Go, Klai! I jam my arm all the way in and I am thinking very deeply in my mind's eye about what I want. Okay, roll a d100. I want to get a 100 so bad. I hope this is whatever I want. It's the wish. Oh, 20! I think it's just a nine. It's a nine. I was so close. It's a 900, oh wait. I got a nine. You pull out these beautiful, black, fluffy house slippers. Ha!

Wow.

Not what I was thinking, but they look pretty comfortable. They do look very comfortable, and as you feel the fur on them, you realize that it's not the type of fur you would normally expect. The way that it feels reminds you of one of the times that you'd encountered an incredibly large spider. These are clearly spider fur slippers. They are boots of spider climbing. Wow, nice!

I mean, these are pretty comfortable, but I kinda wanna try again. Push your luck? Screw them, what's got into you? I say, "Big money, big money, no whammies, no whammies, stop!" And I throw the slippers into the Eye of Destruction. You watch as they get back at you. And I immediately jam my hand back into the Eye of Creation and say, "Come on!"

You're really good. The most goblin thing ever. Please roll a nine. I got a 74. Okay. Can you imagine if I had the same slippers? Damn it! How about that? That'd be amazing. This is bullshit! I could've put those slippers to good use. You didn't think to-- Oh, I forgot I could've given them away.

You scrim every time! As you pull out a large rod-- I just wanted to be something horrible. I wanted to be like, you get a big stone. A big rock. A big rock. Affixed to the tip of the wand, affixed by thick vines, is a small wooden toad. As you hold this and look at it, you have seen something like this before. This is a wand of polymorph. Ooh!

I think I'm gonna keep this one. And I like tuck it into my waistband, like in between my jacket and my waistband. I'm gonna keep that one right there. And I'm pretty happy with what I pulled. It wasn't what I was hoping for. What were you hoping for? Well, ever since I was using that whistle that Frost gave me that stopped working, I was hoping for a new whistle in the shape of a tiny little wiener mobile.

Oh. Oh. A wiener whistle. What's a wienermobile? You know, like, imagine a giant hot dog with wagon wheels, only it's a whistle. And it works, unlike the whistle that Frost gave me. Well, shucks. That's kind of a big ask.

You didn't say your dreams were big for UC Davis. I was just kind of thinking that. Yeah, it was a whistle. I didn't think it was that big. Anyway, I'm just going to keep my wand. As you pocket the wand, something you didn't notice the first time, you begin to notice now. The mouth of the fish has slowly begun to open. Oh. Clearly.

taking these items as having an effect on this room, and you imagine that should you all choose to partake in chaotic creation, that you may find that the mouth itself creates the doorway to the next room. You know I've been watching this mouth

I think that it's opening slowly as we take things from the eye here. Through the process of-- I'm not going to do it. You were so close! You were so close! You were staring at things' mouths? What's gotten into you? I reach in. Why are you always noticing stuff like that, Rolfie? 14. 14, you said.

Terrible. You pull out a beautiful circlet that has motes of red light all around it. It's a circlet of blasting. Ew. It's very pretty. Are you going to keep it or go back in? Well, I'm no blasting company. I'll probably...

Unless you want it. Would you be interested in a circlet of blessing? Not even a little. Then go in for yourself. Good choice. That sucks. You should mow again. You imagine that. Should you step away? If we wish hard enough to teach him. I see, I see. Let me go in one more time. Yes. I will whip the circlet into the Eye of Destruction and I will reach in and feel around. As he's doing that, I will go up and rub his ear and give him a...

I cast Guidance on him? I know it's not a skill check. I will let you use Guidance on your roll if you should choose to. Awesome. Oh, awesome. Oh, I could get 104. 77. I feel really good about 77. Really? Do you want me to roll a d4? Yeah. Well, you can see what it would be and decide from there. Oh, I like that.

That's very cool. A 77. It's still a 77. No, you know what I'm saying, you can see what the roll is and then decide which number you want to take. A 77 or a 78? 77. It's so easy. What I will say is they're the exact same thing. Yeah! Okay, thank you. I tried. Oh, that feels very-- That was good. How's rubbing too hard? Next up. You touch or don't touch?

You reach out and you pull out an incredibly long sword. Whoa, hey! Oh. Oh. Such good mind work. Did you see him take the weight? It was so good, Faust.

You pull out what is known as a dancing sword. You can use a bonus action to toss this magic sword into the air and speak the command word. When you do so, the sword begins to hover, flies up to 30 feet, and attacks one creature of your choice within five feet of it. The sword uses your attack roll and ability score modifier to damage rolls. While the sword hovers, you can use a bonus action to cause it to fly up to 30 feet to another spot within 30 feet of you. As part of the same bonus action, you can cause the sword to attack one creature within five feet of it.

After the hovering sword attacks for the fourth time, it flies up to 30 feet and tries to return to your hand. If you have no hand free, it falls to the ground at your feet. If the sword has no unobstructed path to you, it moves as close to you as it can and then falls to the ground. It also ceases to hover if you grasp it or move more than 30 feet away from it.

Dancing sword, made in a furnace fort. I think this actually has your name written all over it, Gideon. I wasn't going to say anything about it, but if you're handing it over, I mean, I would take a dancing sword, because at the end of the day, dancing's all I know. As you take the sword, Gideon, you feel a connection to it, and the toad door begins to rise up. You feel like you could reach in and pull out a new item. Oh!

Greed. This is like D&D porn. It's all magic. You need another thing, you don't like the thing, you get-- 37. A little to the left here, perhaps.

37, you say? I'll give him a little guidance. Okay. This time I'll grab both ears and I'll be way gentler this time. Yeah. It's very soft. That's what I was hoping for. I'm going to go for a 40. Nice! Oh, yeah, that's exactly the spot. Thank you, Joe TT. Lord, I love you.

Thank you. You reach in. Oh my. And you know the moment you feel this that Gideon is going to regret his sword choice. No, that's unlikely. As you pull yet another sword out from within this fish head, but this one is wreathed in flames.

No! Hang on, wait a second. No, no, hang on. I know so many other things than dancing. Hang on. The infamous sword, Flametongue, appears within your hands. Flametongue? Frosty, I've never asked you for anything, please! All you know is dancing! No, but I know fire, too, Frosty, please! Every morning you ask me, are you gonna finish that? No! Oh, God. Frog.

The frog giveth and the frog taketh. I don't fight with swords. If you want it, you may have it. You feel that you would be unable to give this sword to him. He has already claimed and attuned to an item. No, hang on, hang on.

Hang on. Frog monster. It's a fish, Gutham! It's a frog monster. A fucking fish! No, it looks like it's maybe an amalgamation of a fish and a frog, and it's maybe a monster. If you hold a sword in each hand, even though this one's a broadsword and this one's a dancing sword, I can hold that one in my mouth. By the magic of the fish, I don't think that I could give this to you unless I shoved it into your belly. Oh, fuck.

I literally just sheathed it in. You don't have a sheath. You literally put it down. You're closing fire! You're closing fire! Ow! Put him out! Oh, God, ow.

Could Gideon destroy the sword and then use that mulligan that Frosty used, or can Frost mulligan a guy? He could try. Uh-oh. Oh no. I don't know if I risk it. You could try whipping that dancing sword into the eye of-- Fjord, you don't use swords, man. Let's level with each other, all right? I agree with you, but I feel that I physically and magically can't. He cannot give it to you. I cannot give it to you. Do you not understand? I'm bound by the fish mouth. Unless you destroy the dancing sword.

The sword whips through the air and pierces into the destructive eye and you watch it as it shimmers out of existence. It bursts into glittery magical particles and you feel like you could take the sword from him. Oh my god. He gets one mulligan. You are so benevolent. Here, catch.

But now you have nothing. Now you have nothing. You have nothing. Now you are lost. Well, the thing that I really wanted was thrown into the Eye of Destruction in the beginning of this exercise. You feel like you could reach in and pull something out of that. It's just a mulligan. No, he used his mulligan. You are literally the nicest DM in the entire-- You have to be kidding me! What did you get? You rolled a fucking hundo. Oh! It was fate!

Wait, maybe I want this one, too, all right? I've never rolled a 100 in my fucking life. Wiener whistle! I've been playing this game for fucking forever! Wiener whistle. Oh my god. Okay. Is it a wiener whistle? No! Is it a wiener whistle? This is rare air, everybody. Did you win? Did you really just roll that? Yeah. Yeah, he saw the whole thing. You reach in and your hand closes around a sphere. Oh my god. It pulses.

with energy, so powerful you feel like it could almost consume you. As you pull it out, you look at this two foot diameter black sphere. Inside, this two foot diameter black sphere is a hole in the multiverse, hovering in space and stabilized by a magical field surrounding it. The sphere obliterates all matter it passes through and all matter that passes through it.

Artifacts are the exception, unless an artifact is susceptible to damage from a sphere of annihilation. It passes through the sphere unscathed. Anything else that touches the sphere but isn't wholly engulfed and obliterated by it takes 4d10 force damage. What is that?

Be careful! The sphere is stationary until someone controls it, and you do. Oh my god. If you were within 60 feet of an uncontrolled sphere, you can use an action to make a DC 25 INT arcana check. Oh my god. On the arcana check, it levitates, it becomes yours, but it's already yours.

The sphere comes into contact with a planar portal, such as that created by the Gate spell, or an extra-dimensional space, such as that within a portable hole or a mirror. The GM determines randomly what happens using the following table, so keep that up. Wow! I say to Clayton, now is the time for leadership. Frost, in sooth, is not capable of that kind of power. He must put it back in the-- I wield not swords. My mind is my weapon.

"Yo, TT, this is in good hands." So TT leaves the group and never comes back. How would you know? In all-- Clayton.

Is that what I think it is? It is indeed. Can you not feel it in your very bones? It is a sphere of annihilation, but it is within my power to control. Imagine choosing a black volleyball when you could have had a flaming sword. I pull my robe up and I'm like...

♪ ♪

Oh my god. Clayton! Clayton! This cannot stand! Why can it not stand? Because no person should have ever rolled a 100. Clayton! Clayton! In sooth! Frost. Give me the Ring of Chaos. That could be more powerful than the very ring itself. Yes, Clayton? Let's trade. Ah!

I'm not interested, Graydon. I will say, you realize that you would not be able to trade. You are now attuned to your item. Frost could trade the sphere to someone who is not attuned to an item, such as Joe TT or--

or Hazel, who could then-- He'll kill me, he'll kill me. Don't kill the Jotiti. Who then could use their mulligan to destroy it. Frost cannot destroy it, because Frost has already destroyed an item. Frost turns-- So the only way to destroy it would be to trade it to someone and use their mulligan to destroy it. Yes, Jotiti. It is not.

within your realm of intelligence to hold such power on this plane. It is the stuff of gods. When we are finished with our quest to find the Ring of Chaos, I will annihilate

the sphere of annihilation, but we need it to get through this temple. It's like surrounding me like Dr. Manhattan. All will be well. We are mavericks of goodness, Jotiti, I believe that very much. That is the very power of the Force itself. I don't believe it.

God is real, and he's a tabaxi. That is very funny. Yeah, I rolled up. Oh jeez. I wonder if you can get two of them. I mean, just roll a d100, man. Oh my god, please, please.

A 30. Oh, it looks like a-- From over here, it looked like a 100. Holy shit. 30? Yeah. You pull out a dark black cloak. It swirls around you and affixes to your back very quickly. You have pulled a cloak of the bat.

Oh man, I made fun of Matt Eddy for his cake. And that, my friend, is called humorous. I'm extremely humble. What are you going to do? I guess I got to start fighting crime. I end the night in such. You're blue. You're in a cake.

I can't maul again, right? I can't maul again, right? Because you have already destroyed-- Yes! You destroyed a good berry, so you've destroyed-- A good berry is technically a magical item, so yes. Whoops. I have been dying! You look like grandpa from the Munsters. No, no, no, no.

With that, we have-- The door is almost to a point that you feel like you could get through it. There are only two of you left without items. So, Titi, do you want to go, or should I?

You go. I will continue to work on Frost. Okay. Sorry. And convince him to. I can defend myself, too, TT. We can stick together as a group, I think. Okay. Now I'll reach up and reach into the eye. Please don't give me anything weird. You get the Bag of Endless Plants. I got 79? Is that how it works? 79. 79?

You pull out a staff. Well, let me actually open another one because I should keep the Warp of Annihilation. Yeah, you should.

Jesus. We're going to speed run this thing. You pull out a staff, a magic quarterstaff, the Staff of Power. Oh man! Power thrums through this staff. Oh wow! It has a lot of stuff. It has a lot of stuff. It has a lot of stuff. You don't have to read it all. So I'm not going to read it all. But you imagine that-- I can tell you right now,

Now I'm keeping this! A sorcerer, a warlock, or a wizard would love this. As though it's the only that can attune to it. Oh! Boo! Do you want to trade? You can't trade! Oh, I can't trade? You can't trade. You can't trade. Destroy it, go ahead. I'm not allowed to, I promise. Bummer.

Useless! And I'll chuck it in. Oh my god. I just got this stupid-- Multiclass, multiclass! I will throw it into the eye of reaching again. 29 this time. 29.

You reach out, or you reach in, and as you find your hand grasps onto a soft, velvety fabric, as you pull out-- Please be a cloak. -- a dark black cloak of the bat. Oh wow! Oh wow! Do you love it, Gary? Is that really? No!

I love it, I don't care! And I'll whip it around my back and flap my arms out in the wind. You're like a gang. Bat-Bruce! Bat-Bruce! Let's go! I feel so cute. We are the bad, we are the bad folks. He must give it back. He cannot walk upon that kind of power. Everyone knows it. It was his fate. It was his destiny to

"hold that orb, and perhaps I could study it "and learn more about it." Well, and at the end of the day, who's going to argue with him? I mean, look at us. We're fucked. There's nothing any of us can do, even all six of us combined. We are fucked. We are absolutely fucked.

Don't listen to them. Look at his face. Don't listen to them, Fear. Yeah, what are we going to do? Try to take it from him? We're going to ask him nicely and he's going to annihilate us. It's in the name. It does what it says on the tin. It's like flying around me. All right, you will not give it back. You will not trade it. You will not give it back.

Is that true? I don't believe I have the power to. I'm compelled to keep the sphere. You could trade it to Joe TT. He's the only person you could. Because he's the only one without a magical item. What reason would I destroy the sphere? It's beyond your power. Well, if you grab one, can't you grab an item and then decide if you want to trade it? Then you can entice him with a deal. No, once he has an item, you can't trade. I'm begging you. You look like an empty slot. I am begging you. How can I be sure that you would destroy the sphere?

We will destroy it when we are through with finding the Ring of Chaos. I don't think that's true. When you rule the world, you rarely give it up. All right, if that's the way you want it. But we are the Mavericks of Good.

And we use it for good! We are about to ruin our name. We annihilate it. About to ruin our name with, "Are you sure? "Are you sure? "Are you sure? I'm begging you. Are you sure?" Let me just think about it for a moment. He did rub your ears off him, I see. Yes, I'm quite sure.

I attack, I attack. You're attacking him? I attack him. Oh, okay. I don't want to end this without passing. But dude, this is a mistake.

All right, 78. You reach in and you-- Cloak of the Bat, Cloak of the Bat. You find yourself, your hand attached to a hilt as you pull out yet another dancing sword. Put it back in, I don't want it back. You destroy it very quickly. You destroy it quickly. Been there, done that. It's either 100 or nothing. Ah, shiza, 45. 45.

you reach your arm back in and you find-- Golden pickle. You've got a golden ticket. You find your hand wrapped around the base of a staff. A staff of healing. Oh!

I will be there to heal those that you destroy. I don't think you can heal anything with a big circle-sized hole right in the middle of its chest like this. Well, no, magic beats magic. I believe in it. Mavericks are good. With that, you watch as the mouth of the fish statue, as it completely opens,

and the way is no longer, your way is no longer blocked. You're able to make your way deeper into this temple. Frost is the new leader of the surface group.

I'm sorry, what? I thought you said do a gnome, you faggot. No offense. The new leader of the whole world. I will follow you. What is your choice? Yeah, the guy with the speed of annihilation is the leader, Clayton. I mean, what are we going to do, professor? He's right. I'm not listening to the Bat-Duo. What did Bat-Duo do? Yeah! Can you be Robin?

Orc, can I be Robin to your Batman? Yes. Can we trust him? Right out of the cages.

We're going to workshop it. I don't want anything to change just because I got a Sphere of Annihilation. We're all saddled with Mavericks of Goodness. Even though you now look like Ents to me. It's all the same. Where's our theme song? We forgot the song. I've forgotten the song. I agree, nothing should change.

I'm still the leader of this expedition. Regardless of what trinkets we may have uncovered along the way. Are you sure about that? Are you sure about that? Asrun walks away from his mirror. Say the thing. Let us proceed.

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