Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 8 | At a Snail's Race
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Welcome to Legends of Adventress! What a do! The name's Kreml and the crew, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witch Life. Here's what happened last time:

Torbek's mouth grows two gigantic bucked teeth. Oh no! No! This is horrible! How could this happen to Torbek? Things are just going from bad to worse for Torbek. Just another day that ends in Y.

Riata helps you make your way towards the Ferris wheel, all the while just completely talking your ear off. And it's going to be so great, because if you decide after the Ferris wheel that you're completely in love with me, which, by the way, you're not allowed to fall in love with me. Like, totally don't. And she goes in and she plants a kiss on your lip. No!

Oh, God. It's really awful. It's not me, it's you. I don't think this is going to work anymore. What? Yeah. I just feel like you might be a little too inexperienced for a gal like me. Who can outstir the Cyclops? Oh, thank God, Kim. How hard can it be? All of a sudden, you hear a booming voice. Oh, yeah, that's true. Catch the dragon by the tail. Catch the dragon by the tail.

You are standing inside of the darkened room where you had fought the, or where you had tried to find the fairy dragon that had been hidden. The past hour or so going by in almost a blur, you had spent your time breaking pixie hearts,

Tragedy at the Ferris Wheel. Tragedy at the Ferris Wheel. See, I can't even do a last time on with you guys. Or else I'd just be like, you know what? Go for it. Torbeck already misses the big scene. Heartbreak at the Ferris Wheel. Big scene in Laszlo.

- No, her name was Rihanna Flay. - Her name was Ricotta, Crammy. - Do you see what I'm dealing with? Do you see what this table is like? - Yeah, anyway, back to the recap. - You had spent the last hour or so wandering the carnival.

enjoying what it had to offer, playing games, Kremi was able to get his unicorn horn, breaking Pixie hearts along the way, a slow and emotional Pixie Ferris wheel ride came to an unhappy conclusion for one member of your group.

as the pixie known as Riata Flog decided that she was no longer interested in Torbek. - Oh, even the God of the world doesn't remember Torbek's name.

But the heartbreak did not last long as Guy's Night proceeded towards the Cyclops game. - Oh, it did.

Stare down a Cyclops camera, what it's called, because brain fog. And the heartbreak didn't last because there, the very back of the arena behind the Cyclops was an absolutely gorgeous Eladrin woman, a woman of the summer fae.

And she, it was Gideon who approached her first. And she seemed very interested. But sadly for Gideon, it was Torbeck that really caught her eye. I didn't know he was such a food and smooth fucking opera. And lucky, lucky for both of them, this was the case. Because unbeknownst to Gideon, in the cockles of his heart...

- Gricko was fanning the flame of love. - That's right. - Oh, that's one of the twists. - Yeah. - He's so symmetrical. - He is symmetrical. They were all successful in staring down the Cyclops with the date secured to spend time with

Torbek not wanting the Aladrin's actual name, she gave him her alias, Laszlo Gregorovitch. - We have to keep names out of it. It's much more mysterious. - You can have my burner number. If you Google it, you won't find anything. - And they decided to meet in the North.

before Gaius Knight proceeded to, proceeded to the catch the, pin the tail on the dragon portion of the carnival. And it was here that they met a very, a very uncomfortable Carnie who really did not want to let them in to enjoy their game. But eventually they were allowed in.

She's the valley girl who just wanted to keep talking to you and crying. Oh yeah, that's what I thought about. But they were able to be successful through a few turn of events. And eventually, in their victory, the carny returned. Not with their prize like they had hoped, but with a letter. A roll of parchment that was wrapped up, gilded and beautiful, white and red, striped like the tent of the big top.

and a seal that clearly shows a pocket watch and a weather vane. A letter from Mr. Witch. She looks nervous as she hands it to you and lets you know that Mr. Witch delivered it personally, but didn't want to disturb you in the midst of your game. You could pick up your prize on the way out, and she'd leave you alone for some time to read the message and figure out what you would like to do.

I'm still 84 and I'm on the ground with a broken ankle. Oh my God, yeah, that's true. Crummy! I'm going to show the fairy dragon to you. Who do they hand the letter to? The fairy dragon disappears and is no longer there with you. You've won. You don't need to hold it anymore. But she'll hand it to Gideon.

I'll take that. I got no use for it. Griggo, you take this. I'm going to pick up Kremit. Surely this is a letter from Mr. Witch inviting Torbeck to work at the carnival. Torbeck is on a heater.

Is he still behind me? Is who still behind you? You've been shouting about your uncle this whole time. Uncle Gilbo, I need to see you.

I'm sorry I didn't do more to save you, Uncle Globarn! And I chuck the letter, try like a ninja star. Ha!

And who? And Uncle Glorbo. And so he flies through midair. Well, for fuck's sake. Come on, Kremi. Let's get the hell out of this cursed tent. And Gricko's finally lost his mind. Pick up Kremi, go get the letter, and then follow Gricko out of the... wherever the hell he's running.

- I'm running in a random direction as far away from Uncle Glorbo's shambling, bloated corpse as I can. - There's only one exit out of this place. - I'm booking it. - It's the entrance that you came in. - I am booking it. - Out of my ankle, you little kid. - I'm like, "Oh, you're turned around."

You know, I'm no doctor, but I think you're gonna lose the legs. I figured, can you at least take the stilettos off? It's unseemly for a lady of my age. Leave the gourd makeup. Uh, yeah.

You sure you want me to take the stilettos off? I'm not sure I can comfortably take them off without just putting you in absolute agony from your broken ankles. No, I don't think I can. All right, here we go. You do that, Dan. You do that, and it hurts. But your feet have swollen up so much from the breaking of your ankle that you can't seem to pry the stiletto off.

You're pulling and twisting and crying. But they don't budge. Okay, can you give access to my pack? I think I have some bacon grease in there. I want to use to get them on.

Come on, you glue them to your feet? What the hell is this? No, I've just aged 42 years. You're supposed to get smaller when you age. If your feet don't swell up to the size of freakin' balloons. What makes you think alligators work the same way? That's fair, that's fair. Yeah, I guess I'm not too familiar with the etymology or, you know, whatever, you know, if that's a delicious cake or what. Anyway, here's your bacon grease.

What do you want me to do with it? You want me to rub bacon grease on your feet and get your shoes off? Oh, my God. If you're offering, Dorbeck will take some. Oh, dear. Well, at least Graco's not here to remember this. I take the bacon grease and I gently massage it into...

- Kremi's feet around the openings of his stilettos. - You know what? - To try and loosen the-- - Because that's absolutely disgusting and I hate that it's happening, it is successful. - Judge Master, my mental picture is not being painted. I need a mental image. I need a description of what that looks like. - Yeah, so you put Kremi on the ground because you're gonna need both of your hands for this.

As you pull a stool. Like if this is his foot. Yeah.

See, you don't even need me to paint the picture. Mace is just really wanting this. That smells delightful. This is Mace's moment. Right in the crevices. Getting that grease in there. This is going to loosen you right up. Right here. Don't enjoy it so much. Ow! I'm going to stop this. You're going to keep these stilettos on forever if you enjoy it that much.

Are you sure your name isn't Gideon Tarantino? Chuckle's not now. I don't understand your crazy pop culture references, okay? Where the hell they come from? I'm trying to bacon grease his feet. Yeah, TV in hell. No wine, but cable. It's only got six channels. Okay. All right.

Hopefully you have the mental picture now. I very aggressively rubbed bacon grease into Kremi's elderly feet. And you were able to dislodge his stilettos. You were easily able to pry the stilettos off of his swollen feet. You're the worst part, Ian.

is that we only have access to stars. It's with a Z! I'll admit, that was...

as painful and as pleasurable as you can imagine. Well, I'd like to say any time, but to be frank, never again. That's all I need.

Beach in the fall. Dutch in the bank. Oh, God. Old you is really fucking uncomfortable. I remember when I was still paying my... No, I'm a girl who's an ordinary man. I'm not even four years old. I don't give a fuck.

Oh, God. Just hang on tight. Strap on around my neck here. Hang on tight and let's get the hell out of this twisted... Just throw me over your shoulder. Sorry.

- You know what, just come on. Now I would like to finally take the letter and leave this fucking-- - End scene. - You find yourselves outside the Witchlight Hand that is running this portion of the carnival is currently in talks with two teenage half-elves

and seems to be completely oblivious to any of the shenanigans that you are doing. And as you walk out, all of you feel a soft, gentle breeze that washes over you. Glitter trickles in with the wind. And as you breathe in, you feel...

as the fey curses that had overtaken you wash away. Kremi, your ankles are still broken. You're not under hold. What the hell? You can't put me down. Get off of me. Get off!

I'm falling to the ground. You know what they don't tell you when you rub bacon grease into a man's feet is that you can't get it off your hands. It's not fucking covered in it. Wipe it, wipe it. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, I think this is just kind of spreading it around a little bit. Your mech's feet would help. You want some fur? Oh, it's the chill of the grave. I'll be back.

Hong Kong! Perfect. And with that, you feel the fey curses go away. Gideon, your mind is no longer perpetually haunted by the honking sounds of irrelevant information about the life of Chuckles and his opinions on things. I just had a cold breath of Uncle Gobo. I feel fine.

Oh, I've got a prize! There's me prize! I hope I get something fun. Roll a d8. And not one of those lame wooden wands that everyone keeps being cryptic about. Which I still don't understand. Seven, please! You got a seven.

You got a cuddly toy spider. As an action, you can stroke the spider to gain the benefit of spider climb. The spell lasts for one hour. Once used, it just becomes a cuddly toy spider. This is the greatest day of my life! Guys, do you see this? Yes. Yeah, I got one of those. It's like the F.A.O. Schwartz Eragon. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Nothing costs like two grand. I got it for free! See, I thank the gods and the primal spirits that they don't understand the concept of commerce. Well, it was free if you don't count us cashing in on our dignity. Did that come before or after?

"Hard to say." Yeah. "I mean, I still have all my dignity." I say with my sparkly phoenix feathers, my crop top, and my thigh-high yellow go-go dancer boots. And your hands are covered in bacon grease, dude. My hands are-- yeah, that was not fakers. And my hands are covered in bacon grease. All right, get-- pick me back up. Throw me over your shoulder again. Aw, forgot your ankles are still broken. Yep. No, still broken as can be. All right, yeah, come on. Come on up. Dude. Yeah, head first this time, though.

You see where we're going. All right, what the hell does this letter say? Rip open the end and see what's in this letter from Mr. Witch. You rip it open, and the first words you see in very bold lettering, a beautiful script, immaculate penmanship, is, do not read this out loud. Torbek cannot know the contents of this letter. Do you understand me?

Says this one's not for Torbeck. He can't know. Oh, what? Yeah, no, I guess he hates you. No. Yeah. Sean Torbeck. Gideon is lying. No, it's for the long game. Sean Torbeck. No, you can't see it. Oh.

- It says right here in the script. I can't read it aloud, but I can tell you that he doesn't want you to see it. - To be fair, Toolbit, you know how you said how you were just here for like a job? We're like kind of on a magical adventure to save like the Feywild or something like that. So, you know, it's not like you can't sit with us and you can't hang. It's just, you know, we're kind of in a different tier, you know what I mean? - It doesn't hurt less the more you say it. - Hey, at least you have a normal day.

- I'm the most lady at home. All of us are a bunch of single bachelors. - All right. - All right, let's see, what's the next line? Don't tell, well, no, I won't read it aloud, but you definitely can know. - The rest of the letter says the following. Frost, Frost is safe for now.

Torbeck, recently in a drunken rampage, stole the cardboard cutout of Clementine from the Big Top Extravaganza. Her whereabouts is currently unknown. He believes he arrived recently to acquire a job, but he has been paid multiple times for this past carnival extravaganza. He is wanted. Oh!

You have been tasked with making sure that he does not leave this carnival while we work to secure the manacles that will be needed to lock him up so he can serve his time. We need one more hour before you may return him to us in exchange for Frost. If you do not do so, you will not see Frost again.

- All right, what's the-- - Oh, what you say? I'm sure it's good news, Gideon. I thought you'd be news Gideon soon. - You are never gonna believe what this letter says. Hey, sidebar though, Torbeck, hang tight right there. All right, sidebar, come on, come this way. He can't know. - Okay. - Yeah, guys, you know Clementine, his girlfriend? - Oh, Clementine, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a very nice lady. - Well, if you want like girlfriends. - Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah, you get it, yeah.

- So he's kidnapped her from the carnival. - Hold on, before you continue this, Andy says to me, Jor-Bek is pathetic and sad, feel free to tell me

free to make his exit. It's pathetic and sad. This is brutal. You really cranked it up to 11. This is fucked up. And so I thought, all right. Can do. So, I mean, you never get it. You never guess what comes next. I mean, so his girlfriend at home, he's kidnapped from the carnival. He's a kidnapper. He's criminal. I mean, this guy.

This guy. Couldn't there be a better end to guys? With a kidnapper. I'm saying this very loud. Yeah, in the sidewalk. Yeah, so this letter, I mean, you tell you, you tell you, read it yourself, but. There's no fucking way. No. No. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Have you smelled this guy? There's absolutely a way. Uh,

I would say because Gideon asked me not to listen, I'm intentionally not listening, but I will still roll because he's loud.

Well, I got a seven, so. You're nothing. Natural 20. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Hey. You're not joking. Yeah, you guys know I really like Torbeck and everything, but the letter goes on to say if we turn him in, we'll get Frost back, and I'm sure they're going to, I don't know, kill him or imprison him eternally, and I think that that's probably fine. Wait a minute. I don't believe that. Torbeck would never, would never do that. Oh.

- Yeah, you get it right. You read the part. - Yeah. I mean, how are we expected to choose

between Torbeck and Frosty. Are you fucking kidding me? Very easily. Frost can, like, explode people's brains just by looking at it. But, I mean, can Frosty climb a Harris wheel quite easily without breaking his back? Hang on, I mean, he's got a fair point. Maybe we could say, you know, we just weigh the options before we do anything else. I think that Torbeck has been framed.

Probably by that Kenku. Kenku? The Kenku terrorist. Kenku? I'm glad that you clarified, Greco. You know, I had no idea who you were talking about until you told me. That's what I'm saying. It's hard to keep it all straight. That's what I'm saying. I don't believe it. But look, let's just finish guys now. I bet it was Jerry and Jerry's framing tool bag.

Does Jerry even exist? Is he the sandwich guy? Yes, sandwich. After I'd seen him, I just saw the sandwich. Wasn't he your friend from eight years ago? Well, he was, but then I'm like, oh, can you get me some, like, tuna sandwich? And he gave me something made out of processed soybean slop. Knowingly? The Jerry that I know would never, ever subject me to an impossible. Look, maybe this Jerry guy is a little jealous of this new bugbear town.

But I mean, this sort of implies that Torbek's been here a while and not like the last two hours. - So I will say the letter specifically mentioned that Torbek did arrive on time, but he has been so drunk through the entirety of the carnival that he stole a cardboard cutout. He's gotten paid more times than he's supposed to and then showed up on the last day with a fake resume trying to get rehired.

Well, look, I mean, before we turn him in, we should at least show him a good time with old Laszlo Dragorovic. I mean, he could be locked up before that. No, I mean, no. What? He's a dangerous criminal. I'm not jealous. What do you mean?

- I mean, for you it's 10 minutes, for him it's like he'll never forget it. It's like the rest of his life. - Yeah, she'll be scarred. She'll have nightmares about it for as long as she lives. - Remy, don't forget that your truth telling was the pact with the ticket.

because you got a new ticket yeah did i lie about something oh i don't know i just like chat say it so i'm like oh if i lied about something correct me but i mean for you it'll be 10 minutes it's a lifetime i mean you know this is the time is the time important right this is about the you know it's about the fun we have along the way because i agree with with clary is that it's guys not we need to uphold the sanctity of guys not and no bugbear left behind

Well, how about this? How about we spend an hour. We keep doing guys and I. We have a great time.

Mr. Witch shows up, uses whatever kind of crazy power he has to recapture Torbeck and send him to some sort of horrible fairy prison. And we'll just see, you know, what kind of evidence he has at the time and if it's substantial and, you know, I mean, even if it's not. Well, I mean, does someone do the farewell? Do they ever write to an attorney? I don't think so. Do they ever write to due process? I don't think so.

But look, does it really matter? I mean, we met Torbeck like an hour ago. No, we didn't. We've known each other for years. Oh, yeah.

Not a lot, I just forgot. Then again, I guess if he does respect Chromie as much as he does, he has to be quite morally dubious. All right, let's just enjoy the hour and then we'll, you know, we'll tune him in. Yeah. Okay. To an uncertain fate. Are we in? Oh, well, if it, I mean, yeah, we don't really have a choice.

I feel like Mr. Witchlock snap his fingers and go You know what I mean? We all age like Yeah, we double in age, we break both of our ankles Can you fix that by the way? I'm sick of just laying like this Oh! My shoulder talking to the side This is like it's a tube banana job You know what I mean

- I don't. - I think that's the problem that we've done. - I've never used that phrase before. I'm not quite sure. - I'm just having a whole bunch. - Did that work?

Maybe 10 hit points, 10 good berries. 10 good berries, does that heal? Well, you hadn't taken any physical, you hadn't taken any like damage, so. Oh, hold on, let me just calm down. You feel a lot better, and then Gricko starts massaging your ankles and breaking, snapping the little shards of bone. And you're pretty sure that they're probably never gonna heal correctly ever again. The bone fragment travels up your bloodstream. No, I'm kidding, it does, it fixes your ankles, you're fine.

Okay. Nice, I did fine. It fixes it, you're fine. Thanks for those bananas. So yes, your ankles are perfectly fine. They have been healed. You feel much better. Okay. Oh, too bad, Gar's not. Gar's not. Oh, hey.

- Hey guys. - Hey. - Am I okay to come back? - Yeah, yeah, come on back over here, big guy. - Are you good? - I think I'm good, let's try it. - All right, good. - A little bit of banana, always is the truth. - I'm gonna leave the shoes off. - Thank you for inviting Torbjorn back to the group.

Torbek wanted to talk to everyone about something. Torbek's getting pretty tired and might just go home. Thanks for everything, guys. Guys, nice to meet you. Torbek is very tired. Oh!

No, no, we gotta... I'm gonna be hitting the old Faye trail. No, we gotta, we gotta, we gotta, you know, it's Gosnau and we can't go to sleep. No, but why? You just want to party with Torbeck the co-worker? No, you're Torbeck... No, you're not a co-worker. It's Torbeck the friend and collateral. Torbeck the employee. Wait, wait, go back. Torbeck the what? The friend, man.

you now notice that Torbek is standing very close to you. You call Torbek a friend? Yeah, no, I mean, you've always been a friend. You're so good. We've known you for years.

Oh, do you guys call Frost a friend? Yeah, he's my best friend. Are you sure? Yeah, no, I'm questioning you. You don't have to answer so quickly. Frosty's my best friend. I'm questioning you. Everyone I've ever known, Frosty is my best mate. Well, then maybe Dormek's just ready to go home.

No, look. No, you're still a friend. Not everyone can be your best friend. Kermie and Gilge are my best friends. Yeah, we got a bit of a hierarchy thing going on. Kermie's my best friend. Griggo's Frost's best friend. You kind of just, like, slide in. But you're there. You're basically the fifth wheel. Yeah, it's the fifth wheel. Does that make Torbjorn Kermie's best friend? No.

I don't think it works that way, and I wouldn't even say friend, period. Former employee. But that's pretty good, right? That's pretty nice. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's about as high a praise as you're going to get. I mean, you know, Frosty can explode someone's brain with his mind. Gideon

can explode someone's brain with his palm. Boom. I have a very nice personality. That's what me mum always said. So, I mean, it's a hard part for Krem, you know what I mean? Torbjörn isn't beyond tearing some poor innocent soul to shreds for Kremi's best friendship. Oh, yeah.

I don't want to see that. If he does that here, though, he's going to get a little, he's going to get shlooped a little before time o'clock. You know what I mean? If we make the fair while and we got a few fairies to kill, maybe we have Torbjorn. Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you seen how sneaky he is? I can't see him. He's literally right in front of me and suddenly he disappeared. Ah, there you go. Oh, fuck. Ah.

Now you'd think the stench would give me away, but it doesn't. He's like a supernatural bushwhacker.

I mean, that does sound useful. Something we're missing currently. Look, either way, you're not going to go home, okay? You're going to hang out. You're going to party with us. All right. What's next for guys? And almost serendipitously, you hear...

Sound the chime! It's time to rhyme! You bring the poem, we'll bring the gnome! Come down to the gnome poetry contest and win a prize! I feel like Brickle would be pretty good at that. I mean, I feel like I normally would be quite a poet. I've written a few songs. But, I mean, I would never rhyme poem with gnome, gnome. Well, I mean, it rhymes. Maybe I'm bad. Yeah, gnome, gnome.

That rhymes. Wait, is gnome pronounced gnome? No, not gnome. I'm spelling gnome this wrong. Like gnome is in know them and them is abbreviated um or gnome is in like the little guys. Oh, I thought they were just saying gnome weird. Oh, this makes her make the brain hurt. Kevin from the carnival was a gnome. I mean, he was a little guy, but you know, he was Kevin. I'm not disagreeing with you that Kevin was a gnome. He didn't even wear a hat.

I mean sometimes they wear hats we see them like standing around in gardens just wearing weird hats kind of weird I don't know oh yeah we did have to chase off that guy who kept standing in our turnip garden yeah and he kept like you know

like creepily scaring away people because his like back was turned like facing the corner you know oh yeah i forgot about him he had a really weird head anyway let's go oh is this another game it's another game look at this giant spoiler i got oh that's pretty cool oh i'm gonna give it to hoochie as soon as and i can rub it and things happen oh

I think Torbek would like to try if, you know, if there's time before Torbek has to go home to Clementine. Oh gosh, I can't wait to meet Clementines, you know. Plus, Torbek has been working on something that he would like to show Clementine and maybe could try it here first. Oh, like a dance? Oh no, a poem!

Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you were artistic. Torbjorn's been working on that exactly eight days. Torbjorn's a little shy. You know this. I mean, it's quite romantic that you're like, oh, I'm going to try to sleep with all these different fake creatures and then go back to my best girl. No, that didn't happen. Torbjorn would never do anything like that.

What about, uh, what about, uh, Ricotta? Oh, Rihanna. Oh. Yeah, she left. Things didn't quite go the way Dormek had hoped.

What about Laslo? The most beautiful name. Torbeck is still holding out hope. Perhaps if this poem goes well, Torbeck can use the poem on Laslo first.

And we won't tell Clementine. Yeah, I like that it's kind of applicable to any situation, you know? It just kind of comes up as a reusable board. Well, Gus, I hope when I meet my woman that's my type and she becomes my best gal, that she's as understanding and free-spirited as Clementine's. Do you want to go first or should I throw her back?

I'm a dad, I got a lot going on. I had a big pasta salad. I'm not really, no. Well, Tormek meant the poem, but it is Guy's night. I'm so far. A big pasta salad. Yeah.

You know? Do you remember that when I ate Pussy Salad, guys? Oh yeah! Oh, from the car, from Fort Meade.

Wait, you didn't do that? Yeah, I thought it was a big bowl of beef stroganoff. Oh, well, you know, I polished, I washed it down. No, you had some cake and you had some, uh, do you have any custard? They didn't have the sauce you want. No, they had that, but I got the, uh, the cherries berries because it tasted like more. It tasted quite plural, you know. All right, anyway, what are the rules? Okay, Mr. Noam.

Oh, so you walk up to the... Yes. You walk up to the booth and you still hear the horn echoing out once again. Sound the chimes, it's time to rhyme. Bring the poem, we'll bring the gnome. But the witch-like hand behind the barrier is very clearly half-elf. And they look out at you and...

Oh, you coming in to do the poetry contest? Yes. Yeah. Well, that's some balls. No, we're all gonna do it. It's Gar's Night. Oh, yay. Oh, no. Torpec is already liking this. I've been to a few clubs like this. Oh, yeah. So this is how it works. It's a five poem game. Person with the best three poems is the winner.

You go, I go, you go, I go, you go. You win, I'm done. You don't win, I go.

You know? It's against you. Yeah, it is. Torbjorn might have to write a few more lines. Torbjorn's starting to sweat! This thing's riding up on Torbjorn! Well, I think I should use my mousy makeup to look the part. And I will have a

Fantasy, fantasy! Turtleneck and beret. Oh, so you're using your disguise off, perfect. I'll, oh, stick of candy please, okay, I feel really cool now. It's one of those ones where it's got the powder in the middle, so if you pop on it, it looks like smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's the pink painted tip. Where's the gnome?

What are you talking about? I was promised a gnome poetry. Oh, the judge. And you see as they move the curtain aside and you see a very plump gnome dressed like a king sitting on a throne eating what looks like what we would equate to like Funyuns. Just eat- Fantasy Funyuns. And then-

Bobby! Hey Bobby! You're- hey! Oi! Gricko! It's been so long! How have you been? Open club! Hey, you look so good! Oh no, thank you! I've been working out a little bit. Where's Ootsie? Who? Oh, so sorry friend. Who? So you're gonna do the poetry contest? Yeah, well, I mean, now that, you know, hopefully you can put in a good word with the judge.

I can't, I gotta switch the fucking voice! Anyway! Can I b-rob you with, uh, by assisting in your drinking habit? You see him fidget a little bit, and he looks down at you and he's like, "I can't." Oh, that's right. No takes, she's back, she's got it, got it. Okay. Well, it's good to see you, Bobby.

And I can't do the voice because it's all of a sudden just turning into Harley Quinn. Just gonna deal with him not saying anything for a while. I don't know why that fucking thing does that. He was always a strong silent type. He was always a strong silent type.

- How dare it? How dare it? You guys wanna take a break? - Yeah, sure. - Because I figure there will be poetry that needs to be written, so it's a good opportunity while we're taking a break for you guys to write a couple of little poetries. They only need to be a couple of lines. They just need to rhyme. - Torbek is ready.

- To clarify the rules, are you going first or is the player going first? - The player is going first. - Okay, let me just make sure. - And so I will have to be writing them in response to what you say. And so you can either choose to have poems ready or you can choose to do it like a rap battle where you then respond to what I say. - Torbjorn would like to go first. - That's fine, Torbjorn can go first. - If it's okay with Brinko. - Oh, that's fun. - All right.

With that, it's time to get started with the poetry contest. - Oh, why do I look so good? - Oh, yeah, sorry, hold on. Let me reveal the king, and the king is revealed. - Hey, the king, the gnome king. - The Fainian crumbs all over his frock. - Fainians? - Yeah, Fainians.

And yes, you would need to have your tickets punched. Anyone who wants to participate. - Oh gosh. - You're gonna make me work really hard if y'all are playing. - Yeah. - Well, it's guys night. - It's guys night. - Okay, I punched his ticket.

Punches, what? What did you think Torbjorn would say? Nothing. It's funny, I'll tell you later. All right. And with that, she motions for someone to step up in front of her to begin the contest. Torbjorn will...

be visibly shaking and stand up in front of this elf woman? - Yeah, half elf. - Half elf woman. It is visible to all of the people in the audience that Torbek is slightly moist. He'll reach into his breast. - So you,

you are actually saying this. Torbeck isn't, this isn't something you're visually seeing. Torbeck stands up and begins to monologue. Torbeck thinks that he's setting the scene but is actually saying it out loud. He pulls out a piece of paper from his, uh,

bunny suit breast pocket. Yeah, he is definitely kidnapping murderers. It's all like crumpled and all like, I'll smooth it out. Okay. It looks like a damp toupee. Torbeck's poems are a couple lines apiece. The only rule is they have to rhyme. Poem one. Torbeck's favorite color is purple. He loves to go and

And... OHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *laughter* *laughter*

He's doomed! He's dying out there, he's dying! Okay, I need you to roll at disadvantage. I need you to roll a performance check at disadvantage for me, please, while I write her response. Say purple or something, man. I got a seven. I got a seven. No, that's it, I trail off. And you can see that Torbek's starting to sweat more through his fur. It's really awful.

Do we like clap for them or something? Yeah, you guys can RP between this. Kind of out of character for us. She looks up and she just kind of shakes her head.

That's not a poem. I guess I'll show him. How it's done, it's so much fun. Just make up lies and win a prize. - Oh, okay. Jormek has changed his favorite color to orange.

Torbjörn! Not again! Torbjörn! Roll a disadvantage again. Torbjörn, you man. This time somehow Torbjörn managed to roll a 15. You're a poet and you didn't even realize it was the face.

- Orange. - She looks towards you and with a 15, you are able to meet it as she, you see a look of sadness on her face.

This is getting sad. I'm feeling bad. It's slightly charming. I find that alarming. That was pretty good. Come on, Tormek, get it together. I'm short. Tormek dreams that he is the spirit of a wolf. Tormek!

- Ghost! Ghost! - And Tornad's legs down into tears. And drops to one knee and just buries his head in his hands. - Nothing rhymes with war! - Please, please roll a disadvantage. - Another seven. - Oh no!

You can do an RP together, remember? I need time to write these. Torbeck is almost wailing on the stage. You know, you acted like a read from a piece of paper, but she's got another three minutes left. Maybe we should get his eyes checked? Or maybe his penmanship is quite off.

Well, I don't think anything rhymes with purple or orange. I mean, wolf you could have done. I mean, Griggo was saying gulf, maybe like... Not even wolves, Rams. A gulf! Like, oh, I'm gonna get hit by a hurricane that came from the gulf. What does that have to do with wolves? I don't know.

Maybe wolves are avoiding hurricane season. I think prizes are not in our future at this point, guys. I think we're going to get it. I'll tell you, I'm not winning it for us. Now, Gideon, I think that you actually would have quite the nice poem. Well, wait till you hear what I have written down. She looks towards you. The sounds are loud. He seemed so proud.

Can he even read? You should take my lead. Take your time. At least try to rhyme. Oh, this is a little savage. This was a mistake on Torment's part. Ha ha ha!

Can Torbek go now, please? Yes, it's Torbek's turn. Torbek, we'll run off. Oh, it's Torbek's turn to go again. Torbek only prepared three words. Don't rhyme! Torbek misunderstood the sign, man! Why do you try to actually rhyme this time, Torbek? Oh, shit, I better think of a few more things. Shut up.

I misunderstood. You can essentially quit. Yeah, Torbek will cry and run off stage. As he feels the hot stares of the audience on him, his tears stream down his cheeks, Torbek will hide in shame. That was just really sad. I guess, I'm sorry, buddy, but you lose.

- Oh, Toolbank! - Oh, Toolbank's not surprised. - And you notice that the Gnome King eating the fanians behind her puts on a foam hand that has a thumbs up and he,

puts it in the down position and the crowd laughs and begins to throw tomatoes at him. Oh, that's a shock! Let's give it the snaps for Torbjorn. Audacious D, guys nod. Pretty embarrassing. That was really tough to watch. No, it wasn't so bad. No, it wasn't so bad. That was really bad, yeah.

No, no, no, the audience, they're gonna forget about it. They're not gonna remember it in 20 seconds, Tolbeck. Execute him by order of the king. Oh, Tormek. Oh, Tormek feels like he really let the guys down.

No, no, no, no, Toolback, you didn't. That's exactly right. No, the only way, you know, Toolback. I'm just about making us watch that. You know, that's pretty horrible. No, no, no, no, we, no, because we didn't have any expectations of you. So how could you let us watch that?

us down i mean uh the only way that you could truly disappoint us is if you turned out to be a a thieving kidnapper i mean i mean i mean a drunk it could it could

- It's okay, it is. - You know what they say in show business, razzle dazzle. - Yeah, you have to break a leg to make an omelet. - Dormak's gonna just sit here and contemplate his existence.

Alright, who's next? Kreml, I think you're up. No, I said I was going to go last. No, I'm going last. Gideon, I guess it's you. Gideon, I guess it's you. I feel less tingly now around you, but I still am quite impressed by your level of words. I think I'm going to blow him away this time. Here we go. Okay. What do I do? My name is Kreml LaCrue, and I do love unicorns. What's your name?

- He looks at you and says, - Slovakia, Razamataz Jenkins. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. - You can call me Falcon. - God! - That's a badass name. - That's a beautiful name. My mother's name was not Falcon. - My parents were hippies. - All right, who goes first? - You go first.

- Well, do you mind if I put a little bit of melody on this? - It's not a song contest, but as long as it rhymes. - Oh, it will. ♪ You know I'm a gator ♪ ♪ And I say what to do ♪ - Fucking cheater. - ♪ I'm looking to find a way to the Feywild ♪ ♪ In search of a better tasting roux ♪ - Please roll an advantage. - Oh, and what's the stat bonus?

You're rolling a performance check. Oh, performance, that's a 20. Well done. Okay. And you guys can talk in the meantime. Oh! It wasn't that good. You know, pull back. It's okay. Mr. Crammy is the voice of an angel. I'm going to finish the rest of my songs for all five poems. Just you wait. It's going to be his magnum opus.

I mean, by comparison alone, he'd win the whole thing. Oh, we're not competing against each other. We're just, we're just, we're competing, we're just against the judgment of old Bobby.

He gave me a giant thumbs down. He did have a big thumb that he would always brag about, I don't know why. Let's just not ask questions. I don't know, I don't know. Oh, no. He told me it's disgusting. Doesn't happen very often. He was kind of a weird guy, actually. Especially when he would indulge in his drinking habit. Oh.

How long have you known Bobby for? About eight years. Yeah, now I met him when I worked here last time. Oh, when did you guys meet? Oh, I guess here at the con. Oh, Krammy, aren't you up at the stage? Oh, never mind, I'm not back there. Yeah, no, you're up at the stage. She turns to you and she says, I'm so impressed. You're so well-dressed. But with that smile, are you not a crocodile? I sure love to cook, but you should pick up a book.

What did you just say? You better get rid of the roots. For another piece of pumpkin pie, I trade my soul. Just one more slice and we'll learn why they call it a death roll. Yes. Please roll an advantage. I'm not Derek. 15.

15? 15's the DC. Talk.

Man. Just wait till the chorus. Her response was pretty good, but Crammy won't stop now. Yeah. He really is on a roll. He's really on a death roll. He's caught the poet and he didn't even realize it was the case. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. Well, he seemed pretty confident when he was going up there, so maybe he did realize it. Is Kremi... I guess Kremi's been kind of amusing. He always listens to that jazz stuff. He's very charismatic. Yeah. I guess. He's pretty charismatic.

He's definitely what Torbjörn would describe as a smooth talker. You know, Torbjörn, I'm really trying to find ways to lift you up. You're just making it real hard for me, buddy. Well... Oh, man. I suppose this is just another fault of Torbjörn. Hey, which one of those poems were you going to share with Clementine?

All of them? Yeah, and you just didn't think to finish any of them? Well, Torbeck's paper really just had bullet points. Do you know how poems work? Yeah. There's like a structure, you gotta have rhymes, you gotta have...

Torbeck understands that the real art in poetry comes from lack of rules as opposed to hard structure and, you know, timing and format. So you probably listen to the same jazz that Krimi does. What jazz? She begins to look nervous.

As she looks towards you, Cremi, and she says, you may be on a roll, but this game will take its toll. You're clearly from the swamp. You can sing and you can chomp, but this game you cannot win. It's time to finish him. I want to see you try. Ooh. Ah. Ah.

I didn't know these were like poem battles, you know? Yeah. Like all of these are just threats back in the day. I for the good life, company's my code. They gave us a house, a stock kitchen, and my velvet bathrobe. Please roll.

I'm very excited for Karemi's big finish. 21. Oh, he's picking up speed! She begins to think and a hush falls over the five people that are here watching the contest. As the king stands up from his seat and puts his hand out to stop her.

He takes his foam hand and he motions it into a thumbs up. That is three in a row. She does not get to continue the poem. Cremie has acquired a clean sweep. - Whoa! - And you are able to roll

- Twice on the prize table. - What? - Oh, I just win. - Yeah. - All right. - All you have to do is win three. - I was gonna, anyway, I'll finish the song later fellas, don't worry. - Torbek is very much looking forward to that. - Six and a five, are there eights, the eights? - Mm-hmm. - Six and a five. - Six and a five, you get a face paint, so a disguise self again.

And you get another replica unicorn horn filled with candy. Oh, I got two now! I'm a duocorn! Yeah, don't forget to eat the candy this time, though. Remember all the chocolate melted all over your head? Oh, open your mouth, kid. Oh, yeah. And this is why they're spam-fading. Oh, yeah. This is why we're best friends. That's right. We're just a couple of fellas. Eating candy.

at a slam poetry contest. All right, I just crushed that, fellas. What do you think? Trying to follow that. That was pretty good. Well, I can't, but I guess I have to. I mean, they did punch a ticket. Yeah, I mean, we're already puck committed, as they say. Do you think it's too late to unpunch Dormax's ticket? I think once you go through the entire event, there's no turning back. Oh. Yeah.

Just a couple of guys being dudes. Just a couple of guys being dudes. Okay, I think I'm ready.

But you wanted to go last. I mean, I could go last. Are you ready to go? I mean, I got, if you want to call the phones, I got three strings of words that kind of rhyme. I have a feeling, despite your rough and tumble exterior, you might have a bit of a soft heart. Perhaps a little bit of squishy tenderness, you know? Why couldn't the next game of men punch something real hard and hit a bell high up in the air? I think that's all a facade.

What? It's all a facade. What's a facade? It's all a ruse. What the hell? Are you feeling alright? A disquise. Torbeck's understanding less words than normal. How few of them? Well planned.

*laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore* *Lore

You can see that her confidence is clearly shattered a little bit as she believes in her poetry as you step up to recite. You just want me to start?

That's how it goes. Oh, God. Well. Keep them dead! At least I didn't watch you lose. That helps a little bit. Swiggity swoogity. Thibbity thobbity. Gideon, that's me, likes to gobbledy. Okay. Okay.

- What do you think about that? - Please roll an advantage. - Oh, you just win. - What kind of roll is it? - Performance. - Performance.

18. That was my best ball. It's all downhill from there. Gideon, that was quite nice. It was. It was even more of an off structure with the cake at the end. That was a bit of a shock you wouldn't expect it. You're like, what is he like to gobble, dude?

I don't know. It's like, oh, cake! Of course! It's a little bit like an AAPBC sort of structure. Oh, yeah. Doorbeck would almost call that avant-garde. Oh!

I gotta want that on a t-shirt. Yeah! That's what Torben would almost call that. Oh, my God. He's doing good. Oh, my. It's a little post-modern art. Here, I got a post-modern art installment for you. Here's my last banana. I'm gonna put it on the ground.

Oh wow. It stands for fucking that's something that rich people love. It stands for shedding the expectations of society like a peel of a banana. Torbeck sees something about the duality of goblins. Oh, that's quite nice. Modern art exhibit! And it's got no pieces! Oh!

More than enough. More than enough. One banana peel on the ground. She looks towards you. You look like you lift. I'll give you a gift. Lay off the cake. The carbs are a mistake. Oh!

You gotta give it to her. Oh, gosh. That's the most savage thing Torbex ever heard. What the hell? Is she a boy? Because that mockery was savage. What are you doing? Vicious. Vicious.

Is your spine okay? Why are you doing that? Because it's cool and relatable to children. Cool and relatable to children. I see. You suck. That's a good way to start. That's not the beginning. I'm getting started now. Haunted by a clown...

He makes me frown, but at least I'm comfortable in this gown. Okay. Oh yeah, please roll at advantage. Oh, I think you win. 15. I mean, he's kind of killing it. Oh, I mean, he's doing quite well.

Torbek is proud of everyone. I feel like we're all giving it our all. I feel like we're all doing an adequate job. Even you, Torbek. Yeah. I'm also proud of me and Gil. And Torbek.

And maybe you, Greggo, you might do all right. I don't know. I mean, he kind of cried and ran off stage. That's like the worst thing you could do in show business. I mean, but if it's for the drama. No, you always got to finish an act. I was, Dormek was overwhelmed.

Hey, you know, while Gideon's up on that stage, it gives Torbek an opportunity to say, well, maybe if Frost is coming back, we can leave Gideon behind. What do you guys think? Gideon, if we left Gideon behind, who would punch all the bad people to death? My arms are like ten feet long. That's a good point. That's a great point, actually.

Do you really need Gideon? What did you get? 15. All right, that's enough. I don't think we could ever leave Gideon behind. Just mull it over. If I had to choose between Gideon and Frosty, it'd be Frosty 10 times out of 10. No, I mean, I would choose Gideon over Frost. What? That's not the question. That's ridiculous. There's no chance, Torbjorn. I hate to say it. Just maybe let this Discord simmer a little bit.

We'll see where we come out on the other side. Oh, Gideon's starting again. She looks towards you and she adjusts her beret as she says, your clown joke was killer, but this ain't no thriller. Is this a setup in that hideous getup? One night on the town, you're sure to be let down. Damn. Man, she's a little sassy. Kind of like it.

I wish I wasn't so good. She's kind of monotonous though. I think that's her style. That's her vibe. I'm just saying you could have a little bit more pizzazz. Pizzazzle? Pizzazzle, you know what I mean? I don't know. I think it sort of fits that kind of Daria vibe. You know what I mean? From the music television network, you know what I'm saying? From the late 90s. Now I'm going to shoot him in the hip a little here.

You aren't very nice. And I hate ice. 'Cause I'm made of fire. Always chasing my heart's desire.

Hopefully I haven't sired a whole bunch of kids. Oh! Doubting the questionable paternity of a potential fatherless... That was quite the humble brag. Roll an advantage. Quite nice, quite nice. 16. 16. Okay.

You win, but she's gonna respond anyway. Oh god. That's a pretty close one. Because I started writing it already. Gideon probably should be sweating a little. That's a lot closer than Torbjorn thought! Uh oh, Gideon! This was Booth at all times? Yeah.

To be fair, one of the options is neither. Neither stays. There's four people that hate Gideon as much as Torbjorn. That's pretty brutal. It's been a tough night for sure. Oh, she's gonna respond. Oh, well. Anyway, did you see he said the thing about ice and fire?

What does that mean? Is that something Gideon does regularly? No, I'm just reminded of when they said the thing of like, truly we are the Song of Ice and Fire. Oh, no. You know what I mean? Oh, truly. And when he said, oh, he said the thing. He said the thing. That's right. Oh, remember the time that...

The Gideon said, "Ah, I'll drink and I'll know things." And all of the wine ants clapped. All right. That sounds like-- You have the wine monsters that were cute. There we go. Those crying ants. The king starts to stand up, but she motions to him and she looks at him and she says, "Please," and he nods and she looks towards you.

You're clearly a himbo. Your love life's in limbo. If you asked for a date, you'd be much too late. How does this end? The girl picks your friend.

Well, first of all, she's a big doorbag. Nobody likes it. That's a good point. Rico, did you hear? She said Gideon is my friend, too. Who are your friends? I'm getting friends! I'm getting friends!

- Fringe, well, yeah, two of it. - I can't wait to do it. - Two of it. - You missed that. - We have fringe now, which is okay. - The king looks at her and smiles, but he does turn towards you and with his foam thumb, he gives you the thumbs up and you can roll, you got three in a row, so you also get to roll two times. - Yay! - Good job, friend Gideon. Gideon, you did a great job. - Hey, thanks everybody. Three and seven.

Three. You get a packet of pixie dust. So you get one packet of pixie dust and you also get another cuddly toy spider with the spider climb ability. So I think between you guys, you have three spider climbs, three toy spiders. Oh, there's a lot of different spiders here. Mine is fluffy and orange with black markings on it. With giant googly eyes and sneakers.

- That's oddly specific. - That's exactly what it looks like. - Are you ready to go downtown? - She looks at you and doesn't even smile. - What was your name, Homeslice? Kids, are you all listening to this? Are there children here? - There's one.

Child! What does he look like, or is she? He is a plump boy, short, rosy cheeks, blonde hair, blue eyes, and he's currently sucking on a lollipop, and he is kicking a snail. Hey, chest of cheeks!

Let's leave that snail alone and listen to more sick rhymes. And I'm going to snap my fingers on my disguised self. I will get my sunglasses back that Frost sent to the farm on a backwards hat, baggy pants and like a gaudy purple jersey. Are you ready?

Chester Cheeks and also this elf? She's looking at you very confused as to why you're trying to rap battle the kid. No, he needs to listen to my rap and I'm rapping you, Stu. Chester Cheeks needs to pay attention. Stop kicking a snail. Stop wearing nose to a snail. He's continuing to kick the snail. Or maybe I'll turn more. You ready?

He just keeps kicking the snail. I'm talking to the elf! She looks at you and doesn't smile. She's just waiting for you to start. Get in! Yeah.

Hit what? Drop a sick beat. What the hell is he talking about? He's asking you to do some beatboxing. Oh, I hate when he tells me to do this stuff. I hate it. Why does he think I'm going to go along with it? Because you usually do. Yeah, I mean, but damn it. I don't like it, but I can't.

You know, what am I gonna do? Hang 'em out to dry? - Well, you can do what I do and just not do it, but you always do it. - Turn it back, it's uncomfortable. - Okay, all right. You know what, here.

My name is Draco and I'm here to say that you can hang with your friends the responsible way. Listen to your parents and also disbronk and make sure you get back to supper on time.

I can't snap any louder. But my heart is snapping like there's no tomorrow, Mike. Yeah, you can easily roll at advantage. Incredible. I cannot wait to hear the rest of this. At advantage. What role is this? Performance. Charisma. I think you're proficient in... I'm not proficient in performance, but it's still a 15. You fool. Oh.

Chester Cheeks, pay attention. We can talk. I'm... Torbeck is waiting on the edge of his seat for more.

I think he'd learn that one at the rat's child's casino. Yeah, the child's casino. Yeah, definitely pick that up there. Torbeck feels like if he had this kind of direction earlier in life, then maybe Torbeck wouldn't have turned out to be so Torbeck-like. I mean, probably. Did you have any strong mental figures in your life, Torbeck? Nothing but despair.

Well, that's too bad. Yeah, I was kind of considered, well, no, maybe you would have turned out better. Well, one can only guess. Why does he keep shouting chest to cheeks, by the way? I don't know. Is that part of it? Looking at that kid where they keep kicking that snowman. That kid?

kicking the snail like way far away from him. Do you guys know that kid? No, we've never seen that kid before. I mean, I don't think we know that kid. No, well, he's just trying to enjoy the carnival, but Gricko sort of called him out, called him out, came out and put him on the spot. Yeah, this is part of the, you know, like he thinks, yeah,

from the child's casino if you were to do like a rap thing and he does the lean and he's got like this weird outfit on that would never be stylish on anybody and it's really embarrassing well there's a time and place for it you know was there well that's what he thinks yeah well but you think for him to believe that he has an impactful poetry it's gotta like you know impact the youth of America the nation oh I forgot my bling

- And a big gold medallion. - She looks up and then she looks to Gideon and she winks and she says, "Can you do it again? Drop the beat."

- Oh, Jesus. - Let's go, homegirl! - Let's use your mouth this time. - What do you want, like a different beat, the same beat? - Same one's fine. - Bending yourself to 45 degrees, putting on a hat and rolling up your sleeves doesn't make you cool to kids or dads. Your rhymes are weak and you're behind on the fads. - Whoa!

Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbjorn! Torbj

That was incredible! Oh!

Yeah! You know, it makes me wonder if this has ever worked on a single child. Yeah, well, it's also why would he lie to him? Illegal substances are the best. I'm not really having fun on guys tonight if you're not involving illegal substances. I don't know, Gideon. That almost makes me want to stop huffing pain. Oh, that explains a lot. Oh, man. Yeah.

Well, too bad that kid's a lost cause. Still kicking heads now. Yeah. Something ain't right with that boy. Chest and cheeks. Anyways.

Now, how do we even find that child's casino and that rat man that ran it? How do we find anything? Well, I guess that's a good point. Stumble across it in the stupor, and there it was. Yeah, I think he got ran out of town, too. I can't imagine that still exists. Yeah, well, I mean, with all the lessons he was teaching them. I don't know if he actually got out of town. I think he met, you know...

Do you guys... Anyway. You think he retired early? Yeah, I think he retired. Was helped along by the local townsfolk, if you know what I mean. Well, sometimes the local townsfolk are fine, but once they try and retire you, they're really a pain. And then you gotta deal with them. Farms overrun. So much business they can handle at once, you know? Yeah, you know...

What were you saying Torbec, sorry I didn't mean to cut you off. No, Torbec was, it's alright. Torbec was thinking, we don't have too much longer for the whole carnival left, but maybe we could take time and you could tell Torbec,

your crazy adventure stories well guys night doesn't have to end too early right guys not last one because it's all I go we have about 43 minutes why 43 minutes yeah I just sometimes I like to look at it and just reference time is there a hard cut off to guys

I don't know why I did this to myself. This is hard. It goes now this APM2 question mark. She once again looks at you. Can you do it again, Gideon? I'll give you an extra prize. It was more cats and boots and cats and boots. You know what I mean? Sicka sicka. Sicka sicka. You're the stranger that lives in the van. Sicka sicka.

that peddles the candy, the boogeyman. You warn of the drugs. You're giving them fright, but you're the monster that goes bump in the night. Oh!

That was pretty good! She fired back, Ricko! Salt's fired! Are you just gonna take that? He kinda looks like a van lurking-- Look at him. She fired back! Okay, kids, this is my last ammo. Hit it. Okay.

Do your homework and don't skip school. Say no to peer pressure. Don't act a fool. If you heed my words and my relatable hat, we'll go get some pizza from a casino rat. Yeah! Woo! I'm all in advantage. Come on.

I'm twisting. Roll a d100 for me please. I'm twisting. Oh boy. I'm twisting. That's three. You keep twisting. If you go to five, we'll use a poison coin. I'm gonna twist. Four. I'm twisting. Make it a poison coin. One whole poison coin. That's what they're there for. Sixteen. Okay, that wins. Well, I guess she doesn't have to respond.

- Redeemed. Oh, 64. - Well, because you won, she doesn't have to respond. - She doesn't. - She doesn't, but I kind of want to.

- Well, she did last time. - I know because I immediately thought of rhyming himbo and bimbo. Or himbo and limbo. - It's kind of vindictive against me. - Okay, fine, fine. I'll write another one, goddammit, but this is the last one. - Well, roll all your d100s. - With all your fey curses. - Yeah, roll like eight d100s and keep it down. - Torbek doesn't envy you. Which is pretty rare. - He says that he references the rat at the child's casino and is overcome by horrible fey curses.

Is that five or six? Five. Five.

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- This is just really rough. - This is rough. - This is why you win. - Well, she's a boom beat all night. - She is. - Boom, boom, shh. - All right, here we go. - She looks-- - She's been clean sweeped all night except for-- - She looks up and she motions to you. - Yeah, yeah, I got it. Boom, boom, shh.

Listen up parents and hide your kids. This guy will take your children right from under your lids. He's offering them sweets to leave their home. He's hiding behind an innocuous poem. He take them down to the child casino, but the candy's no sugar. It flows through you like Beano. I think she just accused me of being a pest.

I feel like that's slander and very not appropriate. Don't listen to a chubby chest of cheeks. LAUGHTER

And with that, you get to roll twice on the table. Thank you! Congratulations, Kariko. Holy shit, that was a lot harder than it was in my head. Yeah, you busted your butt to get that. That was crazy, nice job. You were like creating like 14 poems and I was struggling to come up with unique beats three times. I had three versions of a beat and I was like, no! Why force me to do this? What did you get? Oh.

- Mike. - Eight and two, no, two. Eight and two. - Oh, for your five. - No, for the D8, the prizes. - You receive a glove puppet in the shape of a wizard. That's it. - Hi everybody.

- Oh my God, just the term glove puppet somehow referenced to Mikey was like, oh my God. - Don't move your fingers like that.

Hey, no! I got a glove puppet right here! No, my special move is the glove puppet! Oh, uh-oh! Itadakimasu! Yeah! I got a glove puppet right here! It's a glove puppet. It's a glove puppet. It's a classy new movement. Oh, no. No love without the glove puppet. Hey! Hey! What do you think Shadowfax is?

And what else did you get? Uh, it was a two or three, eight and two or three. Uh, two? I'm going to say two. You get a wooden wand with eight charges of prestidigitation. Classic. Is

- Is that, was that five? What was five and six? - Five is a replica unicorn horn filled with candy. - What's six? - And six is this guy's self face paint. - Okay. - And then Mace, you can also roll on the carnival prizes because she offered you an extra prize if you would be boss. - Everybody except for Toolbag gets two prizes. - Oh, I got three. - Oh. - Seven.

Another cuddly toy spider with a use of spider climb. No one has rolled a one, that's interesting. Wireless wizard. Looks more like a USB dongle goblin. And with that, she looks to all of you. That was...

Really well done. Thank you. We all did great, lads. Well done, everyone. That was great. You were some challenging opponents. More fun than I thought it was gonna be. Okay, as I step off, I feel the magic of the Feywild hit me on the lops. A banana trough! She looks at you and she reaches into a drawer and she pulls out three blue ribbons.

And she looks to you Torbek and she looks sad as she then reaches towards Graco and hands him a blue ribbon that says, I dropped a beat on the carnival street. - Oh no! - Dropped a beat on the carnival street.

Man, it's pretty shy, look at that. Oh yeah. Looks quite nice. We all look quite nice. Do they all say that? They all say that. Are you sure there isn't one for Torvac? You cried a man off the stage. Yeah, I mean, you definitely dropped a beat. You walked the hell away. She looks at you and she reaches in and she pulls out an orange, bright orange ribbon that says,

- Oh, participation! This is the only prize and award Torbjörn has ever received. - It's like consolation prize rhymes with awards. - I go to pin it to my bunny suit. It goes right in there.

Are you bleeding? There's a lot of blood! Torbac can feel the pride! Are you okay? Yeah, Torbac's never been the best day of Torbac's life! Alright, well thank you. That's quite a stream coming down here. It'll start to slow.

We have a date with Laszlo Gregorovitch we gotta go catch. That's true. We'll see you soon. Oh, you're not gonna head over to the snail races? Oh, we can race on snails! That sounds wonderful! They're about to start in like five minutes. Well, goodbye, mysterious rat battler.

Hey, Gil, what time is it? Well, it's 43 minutes until Torbjorn gets... I mean... To the time. Yeah, 43 minutes to time o'clock. Time o'clock. Is that correct? God of the world, how much time we have? Yeah, I would say about that. Do you think we have time for snail racing and get up to the north? I think you have time for everything that you want to do.

- There's always time for snail racing, all right? - I get hit by five curses. - Oh shit. - Oh yeah, yeah. - I forgot, thank you for reminding me. Okay. - 65, 25, 72. - Hold on, can you please go on a side? - And I rolled a bunch, so. - So 65. - Yeah, in case I need to, I can just go to the next one. - Deuce. - All water tastes oily. - Ew.

- That's awful. - Okay. - Okay. - Can you grab me a seltzer while you're here? - Yeah, seltzer. Anybody else? - I'm good, thank you. I'm good. - Okay, continue. - 25. - Rich preference? - Whatever. - Suddenly, you only find trolls attractive.

You aggressively seek out a long-term relationship with a troll. - Uh oh, I mean, that's certainly won't happen though. - Uh oh. - Torbec sees trouble in our future. - Continue. - 72. - 72, okay. Where are you? - Torbec is basically half troll.

You believe that you are the leader of a great kingdom. You've been ruling for ten years, and you're afraid it will fall to ruin. This is great.

We're creating a completely new character for the show. Oh yeah, fantastic. Okay, 24. Didn't you just do that one? 25 I did. 24 is new. Everything you eat tastes like, oh no, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, no, that's right. Everything you eat tastes like chicken. So you have a oily mouth and chicken taste. Okay, it's not so bad. 34. 34, is that the last one? Mm-hmm.

- How many languages do you know? - I believe two. - Which are? - Goblin. - Goblin and goblin. - Oh, hold on. Oh, I know giant and Jewinik.

- Giant and druidic. - And goblin and common? - Goblin and common. - Roll a d4 for me, please. - Roger that. - One is goblin. - Two. - Two, hold on, I'm gonna have you roll after I announce these. One is goblin, two is druidic, three is giant, and four is common.

Three. So that's giant. Yeah. Anytime you hear giant, you believe that, or anytime giant is spoken to you, all you hear is screaming. Okay. Jeez Louise. I mean, luckily that's not going to happen, so. I'll step forward, I'll say,

Something has happened. What do you mean? Well, you just won that rap battle. That's happened.

I must produce an heir. What the hell? I have no legacy. First kid, then Tomek, and now you, Krikko? I know it's guys night and everything, but... I have no heir, Kremi. What would you even leave an heir? Like, your flute's here? I need to fuck a troll. What? Krikko, you've been acting very strange all guys night.

A troll? Yes, the decade-long war we've had with the trolls has almost destroyed this kingdom. What the hell are you talking about? And so I must marry...

I needed to release all of that D. Oh my god. I must marry a troll to unite our houses and finally bring peace to this war-torn kingdom. And also sire a half-troll, half-goblin. I know.

i know i said this before but gricko's really lost his mind now everything you've ever said you stand for you're not ready for a committed relationship yeah what about it that was grico the boy that was 10 years ago gideon i was like 10 minutes ago

How little you know of goblin politics and troll politics. What? I thought it was just a bunch of screaming in a court and then nobody knows what the law is and then somebody just picks. That will make things difficult. The language of the trolls is giant.

Sounds like horrid screeching to me. So my wife will surely be someone who I cannot stand, but I must fuck her all to save. For what it's worth, Clementine can't stand Torbek, so that's probably the norm for relationships.

Is Clementine a troll by chance? No, why you ass? Oh, I just thought we could kill two more monsters.

And I don't want to just fucking troll and say goodbye. I am not the kind of ruler who would hit it or quit it. Yeah, no, of course. Why? Why not? Just fucking troll and leave. Yeah, no. I must have a long-term serious relationship. We need to discuss an heir. We need to go on...

Date nights. And we'll have to spend time together. Quality time. And by that, that means sitting on the couch and ignoring each other while we watch Netflix. Because that's the only hobby we have in common. That's very mature. Like a real, real relationship is the only way I can save the realm. That sounds like a fucking living hell. Do you think this is something he learned from the child casino? Like, what the hell

is even happening right now. Just from, I don't know, really sad trolls? I mean, have you ever met a troll, Graco? Yeah! The trolls, the harpies and the trolls of the swamp, yeah. That's how I know Giant.

I've known a lot of trolls, have you seen... Have you seen a troll woman? Please elaborate! I mean, you know what I mean? Like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

That is interesting! Yeah. I mean, you know, if she's like, you know, ten times my size, and I'll say... And I must do it to save the ailing realm. Or else the small folk will rise up. I've got my tax advice from this white horse.

Named what? His name was Schmadofax. What kind of name is that for a white horse? I don't know. He had a very interesting tax policy, and I feel like the peasants are not too pleased with him. How come every time we have to deal with finances of some sort, we get a consultant that's just an idiot? Someone with a weird name. I don't know. But I must save my kingdom. We must find a troll that I can...

It'll be a political marriage. I think he's finally lost it. Yeah, I'm not getting that conclusion years ago. You clearly have no sense of duty to the realm. You don't understand what kingly responsibility is. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You don't understand what kingly responsibility is. You eat rats in a swamp.

And I also must fuck a troll. Torbek is of the deep belief that you can probably learn to love each other. Oh yeah. Is something wrong? I must slake my first with wine.

I need to find a funny man to say I'll drink in no things and take very bad advice from him in the last couple seasons. Well, Torbeck could use a drink. The harsh realities of that poetry contest really brought Torbeck back to Earth. Perhaps...

I can get this taste out of my mouth and replace it with the taste of troll. Can we just stop talking about trolls, please? New policy, all right? No troll talk, you understand? But Griggo, I must save the realm. I must unite.

our peoples and make our house strong. You're Griggo. He doesn't even know his name anymore. He's completely lost it. My name... Don't you say it. Don't you say it. Don't you say what I think you're going to say. I actually do know what I'm going to say. My name is King Shmebulon. Oh.

I am King Smebulon of the Goblins. That's a very noble name. Oh, well, thank you, Lord Torbeck. Torbeck is a lord? You may sit on my high council. Oh, Torbeck would be honored. Now, one of the kingdom's in ruin.

What is that supposed to mean? Well, he put you on his high council. I will make you master of laws. You couldn't rhyme with wolf. You are such a law-abiding citizen, you will bring great order to the realm. Did you forget about the letter...

Remember that? The letter? You're not Gricko. I guess I'm not really understanding. Do you know who Gricko Grimgrin is? Snail racing! Snail racing commencing soon! I'm talking about Cursed to Fuck. A believed wild fae fried my...

I smoke up and drink. Okay, why don't we go to the drink cart? That's the best idea you've had all night. We'll get you some wine. Three drinks and the snail! Let's go get some drinks. You need some wine. We'll find you a troll. That's very serendipitous. Ah, yes, Gideon, I will make you my master of coin. Great idea. Oh, God. Let us go. What does that leave for me? You can be master of ships. What? What?

That's right. What a comprehensive kingdom he has here. Well, the coins and laws seem like a big deal, but ships, I mean... Every good kingdom needs a ship, especially a landlocked kingdom like Goblin Tokyo.

I see. We have a very large lake. A ceremonial role with no real responsibilities. But I still get paid as a lord or something. Yes, and it's a great honor to your house. I could probably live with that. Yeah, I mean, to me, that seems like the kind of thing you'd like.

And once we bring prosperity back to the realm after I fuck a troll... Just stop saying that. After I have a very nice long-term relationship with a troll, Messiah and Aaron unite our houses, you will experience prosperity unlike...

Why is everything so oily and chickeny? Like chicken gravy? Oh yeah, do you get the bacon grease on your hands but chicken grease? Do you get some in your mouth? I've just been eating like fried chicken skins and like nothing even the meat. Oh, that's the best part.

And why are you making that face? Because it tastes good. Let's go race the snails. Is it because I thought of the troll? We go to the snail race. Are you sure? Yes. Should I keep it down? We go to the drinks first. Let's get some drinks. Free drink, free wine at the snail race. You make your way towards the snail race. And...

As you're entering and filtering through, there are tons of people heading this way. You're actually surprised by how many people are here. It is like going to the jousting tournament at a Renaissance fair. Just like the great Tony's at Goblin Topia.

What kind of turrets do they have in Goblin-topia? Great Joust followed by the melee.

Master of coins. What do they ride in Goblin-topia? What do you ride when you joust? Is it horses? Or do horses do all your taxes? No, they just do taxes. All we do is take financial advice from horses in Goblin-topia. That is all we do. LAUGHTER

They're around like unusually large rats or something. Well, how did you know? I mean, you are my Lord Count, you are the Master of Goa, and of course you know. You are my Lord Count, so... Where is my Hand of the King? Frosty? Lord Frostington?

Lord Frostington, where are you? If you would know what to do about this chickeny grease. Is it that puppet maybe? Maybe that's Lord Frostington. Oh no, this is the Grand Maester. LAUGHTER

Hey, have you ever thought about doing leeches about it? Oh! Wise counsel, Lord Goodberry.

- Anyways, here's my fucking ticket, please punch it. - What are we even punching the ticket for? We in the train car or what's going on? - And as you hand your tickets out, the person behind the counter hands you a flagon of mead or a goblet of wine, depending on which you prefer and looks towards your tickets. Did you?

Did you want to observe or were you looking to participate? No, we're gonna ride, we're gonna play. Oh, that's wonderful. We have four snails available that are without jockeys.

Oh, well how sound evidence, fella. The king does not ride in a tourney. Yeah, he's gonna ride. We'll force him to do it. You're a king? Yes. No, I'm King Shmebuluk of Goblin-topia. I'm sure you've heard of me. If she attempts to curtsy, it's not very well done. He's really the role play. Why does the air taste like chicken oil?

- It doesn't, my king. - Serving wench, bring me my wine. - Yes, yes, my king. And she passes you a goblin wine. - Someone who respects their king.

Have you seen any trolls? Have you had any trolls around? Funny you should say, I'm not sure if they're a troll necessarily, but Snarly, one of the other jockeys, I believe is Trollkin.

"Trollkin won't do, it's gotta be a full troll. Trollkin fartyfschmall!" She looks at Ed, Gremmy and Gideon and Torbek and then looks down at you and goes, "Oh, okay."

right this way and she opens the door towards the back and begins to lead you through the area. The grand stands next to this race course are filled with cheering fair goers, ringing bells, swinging rattles and waving flags. On the starting line, eight giant snails are having their shells scrubbed by pixies. Above the circular course, a wooden gang tree hangs from the branches of a central tree where two goblins officiate the proceedings.

You look around and you see that four of the snails are jockey-less. The other ones have riders that are being helped. Each snail has a color and three pixies that seem to be specifically for that individual snail, helping their jockey to mount the snail and get prepared for the race, give them the rules and things, etc. You see that there is clearly what looks to be an older human man

There is what, based on the way that they clasp hands and then separate to snails, his wife, a human wife, as well as someone that does look like they could potentially be a trollkin. And there is also one very stout dwarf.

Bodacious G, Lord of Laws here. Torbek has a question regarding the snails. Are these snails big enough to hold someone, say, nearly eight feet tall and 400 pounds?

Yes, they're giant snails. All right. Bodacious de-rest. They can hold up to three tons. Oh, that's impressive. Thank you. Hey, if I give you two gold pieces, will you tell Grickle that Snarly's a full-blooded trope? Just as a favor for me.

Roll a persuasion check. Ah! This far-off kingdom has very oily, chickeny wine. 18.

Yes. There you go. She takes the gold pieces and she looks at the sheet. Can I get your names, please? I need to assign you to your snail for the competition. This tourney is being held in honor of the visiting king, King Shmebulok of Goblin-topia. I'm sure you've heard of me. King Shmebulok, I am looking at the roster here and it looks like Snarly.

Snarly is full troll. - Oh! How wealthy is her house? - Well, if she wins this race in honor of you today, my lord, very wealthy. And she looks to you, Crammy, and winks. - She would make a fine queen for Goblin-topia.

- Perhaps if she wins, I will betroth her. - Bet her and let her. - We shall have the finest wedding that Goblin-topia has ever seen. - Lovely. Can you roll a d8 for me, please? - Me? - Yes. - Oh God. A two. - You have been assigned snail number two.

- Ninblefoot is the snail's name and your color, my lord, is blue. And she passes you a small blue cloak to pin around your back. It has the number two on it. - It will match my ribbon. Good snail! Snail number two, you will race quite well. - Shelly moo. - For King Shmebulock.

Wait, is it Nimblefoot or Shelly Moon? Oh, sorry, Nimblefoot. You're Nimblefoot. Oh, Snail's got a lot of names. Snail number two. Nimblefoot. You're king. You're not even at the snails. She's pointing at the snails from afar. No!

Start the race before I piss myself!

An open field, Graco. Excuse me, sir. Can I get your name as well, please? Yes, it's Bodacious T, Master of Laws. We don't have that many words. Can we just call you Bodie?

You'll use his full title, Serving Wench. In the name of your king. Yes, my lord. And she clearly writes down Bodhi on the list. Can I have you roll a d8 for me, please? If you get a two, re-roll. Okay. Bodhi got a seven. Oh, uh...

- Lovely, Bodhi, you are going to be on breakneck and your color's red. - That's all it is. - Breakneck. - Breakneck, I mean leg. - Breakneck.

Oh no! Torbjorn gets a bad feeling about this! And your name? Yeah, it's Fee Fee Nix, Lord of Coins, but not really just for- Master of Coins! Master of Coins, but it's Gideon. All right, lovely. Can you roll a d8? Roll one! Gideon.

Seven. Roll again. I'm on with Torbjorn. This is a 10, don't worry. Probably Torbjorn. Oh, we're about to test this weight limit. Eight. Eight? Yeah. Oh, lovely. You get a crowd favorite. You'll be on the Queen's Majesty and your color is black.

Now, I isn't snarly on the Queen's Majesty. She's fit for a queen. And your name is? My name is Colonel Creel of Unicorns, and I will take number four, please. Oh, lovely. You will be on quick leaf, and your color is green. All right. Kind of matches my skin, don't you think?

Hey, it looks pretty good. Quite lean. It's like eating the bottom of the deep fryer at a Fayette C.

It's becoming increasingly more difficult to determine whether or not you're enjoying yourself. If you ever rise to your own king...

Lord Bodhi. Bodacious tea. Master of corn. Oh, it's lost. Master of corn. Lord Smabulok, I think you're drunk. King Smabulok. King Smabulok. King Smabulok. They're all of you lost.

Tormek is sorry, your grace. There will be a law to not allow horses to give financial advice. That was a law. You overturned it. You brought in Shmemulon the Galactic. I overturned decades of oppression against horses.

Oh, wow. What a benevolent king. And with that, she ushers you towards the snails. Each of you moves towards your snails. They're in a line from one to eight. And so, Gricko, you are directed to number two. Gideon to number eight.

Bodhi is right next to you at number seven and Kremi, you're directed to number four. Each of you has three pixies that are all going to sound exactly the same and speak in one voice because I am amazing. And they're all going to come up to you and begin to talk to you individually, but as one single NPC about what is going to happen here.

Okay, so here's the plan. Well, it's not really a plan. It's just how it works. You see those two goblins up there? They're gonna narrate what's happening. It's gonna be really cool. You're not gonna hear any of it because these snails are loud and they have gas. It's not gonna smell great.

You won't mind. Anyway, how this is going to work is all the snails move at the same pace. The track is 480 feet to the other side. It's a circular track, so you really just have to go around one loop. All the snails move at 80 feet per six seconds. However, if you handle them properly,

they might move faster. However, if you handle them improperly, you might be punished. So be careful with them. By the gods. Any questions?

What eldritch order is this that twelve pixies speak with one voice? Your king is scared and confused. You are very drunk. Are you... Thank you for noticing. Are you safe to be riding on this snail? No!

Well, that makes me want to do it more. You know that snails, it's an uncommon thing, but they have really vicious teeth. And if you were really drunk and out riding on one, you could be gutted and die. Okay.

Snail number two would never do that to his king. I have royal goblin-topian blood. That's not a real place. When I was crowned a decade ago, we had peace.

And everyone, this snail race is about to begin. Get your loins. The snails are lining up at the starting line. That's right, Jim. The snails are starting up at the starting line, and this looks like it's going to be a great race. Let's go ahead and take a look at what we've got here. On the back of Shelly Moo, we have Alec, everyone. Let's give a cheer for

Alex. Boom. Fuck yeah. Yes. Alex, just a normal human bartender. On snail number two, nimble foot, we have...

King Shmaboo Shmaboo Shmabooly of Gobble Tizzle Yes, we've got King Shmabooly of Gobble Tizzle Let's give King Shmabooly a round of applause for the King Shmabooly Hold on God

On snail number three, we have Alec's wife, Jane, just a regular human bartender as well. And she'll be riding high road. - A lot of bartenders in this race. - That's because they're married.

On snail number four, we have Cremi La Crew riding quickly. - My turn six. - Oh, she sparks out of my hand. - Look at Agamemute. - On snail number five, we have Biggs the Dwarf riding Flower Flash.

Yes, Death Flag is written all over him. He's not going to make it. On snail number six, we have Snarly. Oh, this just in, Jay. Snarly is a full troll. You see Snarly look around and go, oh, yes, he is. We have Snarly riding Whizzy.

Oh, no. Oh, gosh. I thought you were getting covered in goblin piss on God's Night. Fuck! I can't enjoy myself. Oh, no.

- What a dizzy wiz. Oh gosh. - Dizzy wiz, really? Okay, up next we have on snail number seven. - God, I'm cramping.

Brody? Bodie? We have Bodie on breakneck. Okay, breakneck. I'm sorry you drew me. You hear a few smattered clapping and then you see people kind of looking and going, oh. Oh.

As the announcer then says. And lastly, but definitely not leastly, on snail number eight. A favorite up in the box. Queen's Majesty written by Gideon. The crown of the wild.

- All right, and with that, let's get this, let's let this race begin. The flags go down and all of a sudden the snails shoot across the line. They are going at an extreme speed. They're going 80 feet per round. I need all of you to roll an anviling hand. Oh, so you have a choice. You can choose to go the 80 feet,

per round, or you can choose to make an animal handling check, which can either be beneficial or it can have a drawback. - There's certainly no way animal handling would be a bad choice for Tormek. - I'm just going 80 feet. - King Smibulok's snail rod's better when he's drunk. - Tormek is choosing animal handling. - Yeah, I'll do the animal handling.

Torbek leans down to break Neck's ear and says, Please, snail, Torbek has never asked you for anything. Go as fast as your snail body will go! Torbek rolled a natural 20! Yay!

So Torbek gets an entire 22! Torbek, you lean down and you say this. You expect nothing. Your luck is hit or miss. You don't expect much most of the time. But this snail moves one of its eye stalks and looks directly at you and you feel the connection as it shoots not 10, but 20.

20 feet forward, going a full 80 feet or a full 100 feet in this round in total. - Let's go. - That's it!

- Who else is doing animal handling? - I'll do that. - But you're doing 80. - No, I'm just gonna relax and ride. - Snail number two, your king requires victory so he may win the heart of his beloved full troll. - The crowd goes wild as this happens. You are clearly a fan favorite. - Yes.

Animal handling? I got a 17. Okay, you are able to shoot forward. You shoot forward an extra 10 feet, going 90 feet.

I got an eight. Come on, baby, ride like the wind! Everyone is watching in bated breath as the Queen's Majesty, mounted by the cake chat, you hear the chants, cake chat, cake chat, cake chat, echo throughout this entire stadium. As you lean down and you speak to the snail, but...

- You are a fire genasi and you sear the tender skin of the snail's ear and it bucks. Instead of going the 80 feet it's supposed to, it rears back and slides backward 20 feet, only taking you 60. You are clearly in the, you are clearly in last place. - Yeah, what are you doing? It's a child's play. They just getting lucky. - I accidentally leaned in and just,

- And seared my snail. - What? - Hey, can you hear me? What? Hey! - Well done, snail number two. You already know me, Steve. I shall make my house crest a snail if you bring me to victory once I am done with the trouble. - Okay. - What's he saying? Is he saying something crazy? - One, two, three, four. - One, two, three, four. - Two, three, four. - Three, who's three? - Me.

At the start of this round, your snail slides over a splinter and it gets wedged in its billowy gelatinous skirt. That's horrible. This isn't a horror campaign, but that's what happens. And your snail is only able to go 40 feet this round without your assistance. - Oh no!

What's wrong? I have to spin out like I just hit a banana. Oh, I had a banana! Each megawatt. Oh, my God!

Perfect. That's canon. That's what happens. Incredible. All right. The announcers call out, what a round. Look at those snails go. Can you believe the queen's majesty is losing this race? But oh no. King Shmabuli of Gobbledy-Gookington has thrown a banana peel

onto the track? Oh, let's hope no one, oh no. Cremies, hit the banana peel. Watch as number four slides out of this race. - He's like literally

- All right, who's moving? Who's choosing to do an animal handling? - So if I do animal handling, can I make up at least some of the 40 that I lose? - It works like the other one, where it's like normally your speed is 80, it's just a flat 80. Yours is 40. So if you roll an animal handling, you could potentially get 10 or 20 feet. - Fuck it, let's do it. - Do we see any question mark boxes in the field? - Who knows? It's hard to tell from this corner that you're rounding right now.

Torbek leans into the ear of Breakneck and says, okay, Breakneck, it's time to silence the haters with a cool move that Torbek learned from the children. Oh, no. Torbek got a natural one. Ah!

Torbek, your snail is racing. You are significantly ahead. You're ahead of everyone by at least 20 feet. As you move forward, your snail is just...

annihilating this track. As you round the corner, you begin to talk to it again. It looks at you confidently, but unfortunately it's so focused on you that it's not paying attention to the track itself. And as you dab, you're going around the corner and your snail starts to roll over onto the side of its shell. As it takes the corner on the slide, it begins to slow down and you only go a total of 60 feet. - All right.

19. Oh, you did the thing? You are Gricko, so you toss the banana peel behind your back. You're no longer focused on the banana that you were eating. You're drinking your wine. You're kind of ignoring your snail, but you tip a little bit of wine into its mouth, and it seems really happy with this as it skids around.

around the corner and you do gain a little bit of speed. - Ah, good taste. If you guide me to victory, noble steed, I will reward you with a feast of frozen peas. - 17. - Okay. You also are going around the track. Everyone is, they're cheering for you, but it's almost a sad cheering.

It's not the same kind of expected avoidance that they're doing to Torbek, where they just, they find him hard to look at. You asked for it, Andy. With you, there's a genuine sadness as they were hoping that you would, on the Queen's Majesty, that you would tear this race up.

And you do gain some speed as you move forward and this round you make it 90 feet instead of the 60 you did last round. You're at this moment in time in third place.

- So as I'm spinning out from the banana peel and the momentum's finally gone, I'm about to gain control. And with the last bit of momentum, there's a little green shell on the trap and I tap it and I explode and I spin out of the air and then the snail collapses down as I roll the four.

Oh shit. Yes, the snail hits it and you watch as it spins and it spins and it goes up onto the side, almost like what happened to Torbek, but it doesn't stop there and right itself. It actually flips and flips and flips as you, you got a four? I rolled a four. As you are only able to make it 20 feet along this track. Woo!

- The game is a broken fucking snail! - You see a fairy fly in, sitting on a cloud with a fishing hook, and go, "Woo-woo!" - All right, and for those of you that are watching from the nosebleed section, here is your update. In first place, we have King Shmabooly-Booly with 180 feet. - Goblin-topia! - In second place, we have

The troll herself, Snarly with 170 feet. In third place, we have a four-way tie between Bodhi, Jane, her husband Alec, both human bartenders, and Biggs the dwarf. In fourth place, we have Gideon on Her Queen's Majesty. I wasn't expecting that, Jay. I wasn't either, Ken. And in last place,

Kremi Le Creux with a very humble 100 points. No, fucking do something! The name of the wrong one, the name of the defective snail! I'm facing the other way, going down the track. And with that, another round starts. Breaking Act. The snail giveth and the snail taketh away. Ugh.

So anyone who's rolling, please roll for me. Tormek got a 15. 13. For King Shmeviolok. 13. 6 for Gideon. 15. Is there another splinter roll? Huh? Roll for Banana Peel? Yeah, I just need you to roll. Oh, you're waiting to find out what's going on? Well, I mean, I'll just do it anyway. Oh.

Snail 2, you will bring great fortune to my kingdom. Sorry, math. Math is hard. Our house words shall be... Snail number 2 was the best. If you win this for me, you will help me sire beautiful, troubling children

- Not goblins. - Troublin'. - Troublin'. - That's so good. - Troublin' children. - Oh, that's why. - And they will be great princes and princesses. And I will die surrounded by my family peacefully. Peace and prosperity return to Goblin-topia. - And if Torben can hear that, he'd probably ask if that was

of the words all at once. Is that whole thing the house words? That's like a small novella. So, one, two, three, four, same numbers.

- Three, it's three, I promise you. A spectator throws a head of lettuce at you, at your snail. The snail stops to eat the lettuce and you don't move at all this round. - You're still facing behind that. - All right, whiz wrap. - He's rigged.

- And so you get... - I see a question real quick. The dick mean lord says, "Scurvy Dave merch whim." - Great question. - There's so much merch we need. - With that, the crowd goes wild. You hear people laughing as a cremy snail begins to start eating this head of lettuce.

They are looking between all of you as the snails are neck and neck. We've got Gricko with 270 points. Gideon with 200, what? - So I still made an animal hand, which I got four. So could I go literally negative 20 feet? - No, 'cause it says you stop and you need to take no movement. - Okay, so it's like you stop, you stop. - You just stop.

So we've got Gricko with 270. We've got Gideon with 250. Tide with Torbek with also 250. We have Cremie at 100. We have Alec at 260. His human bartender wife, Jane, at 240. Snarly is tied with Gricko for 270. And Biggs is coming in behind Tide with Alec at 260.

- Wow. - If I get lapped, do I get disqualified? - I don't think you can get lapped. - I guess it's just one letter. - It's a single circle. - Okay. - I'll tip my crown.

I've used the Sky Assault to have basically a goofy ass renaissance. Basically, it's the king from Burger King. Exactly. I'll say, Lady. As she slides up to me as we're neck and neck.

They weren't killing when they said you were a fool troll. Hey! Ah! The voice of an angel. Our trouble's not gonna be this! I just try to think of what I get. Do you promise? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Our troubling children will save both of our kingdoms, my lady Snarly. What? I'm bearing down on your ass! LAUGHTER

That was good. Thank you for a loop. That took me on a twist and turny ride. This day keeps getting better and better, my love. My stomach's... This is what happens when you try to make an NPC when I'm also trying to do eight maths. Ugh.

Why did they put this in here? Or is there chicken grease in the air? I love the smell of chicken grease in the morning. I'm going to win, you fucking piece of shit. My brawn. That's what happens. I don't know. Let me do the math.

Do the math. Oh yes, I know Baron down your ass! A great goblin ally on the Thread of the Crown! Can you tell me who rolled and who got what? 21. Oh! 18! Okay. What was that? Uh, that's a five. Seven!

- Twist me. - As you round the corner, the announcers begin to call out and Gideon, you are holding onto the reins of the snail as you feel gloves appear on your hand. They're quite swanky, really nice, dark leather gloves. - Bruh, that's a pretty dashing glove. - And then you feel it.

Well, you hear it first. Oh, fuck. Is this the hearing thing again? And then all of a sudden, what the fuck was that? It's stinging. One, two, three, four. You feel it all over your hands. You try and rip the gloves off, but they will not come off. They are fused to your hands as hundreds of bees sting you perpetually. Do you like jazz?

- I'll allow it. - And the announcers begin to call out. - This is quite a race folks. Don't you agree Ken? - Yes, I do Jay.

Looking at our leaderboards, we currently have a two-way tie for our top position. King Shmarglebargle and Snarly the 100% Troll Woman are in the lead with 370 feet. That is only 110 feet to go, Ken. You're right, Jay, it is.

In second place... Can the other one be named Mike, please? Sure. Scratch that. His name's Mike. I have my notes here. That's right. That's right, Mike. In second place, we are looking at Alec, the regular human bartender with 350 feet.

followed closely by Biggs, the dwarf with 320 feet. Next we have Jane, the human bartender and Gideon with 310 feet, followed not so closely behind by Torbeck with 250 feet. And look at that, Mike, that snail's just eaten some cabbage. We've got Cremie with 190 feet. - Fucking cabbages. Fucking turtle shells and shit.

And that's how the round goes. You may roll again. Come on, let's go! Big figure, here we go! You are an early opponent, ladies and gentlemen. Torbett got a 21. It's probably too little too late. I pray this won't be the last time you'll be bearing down my ass. LAUGHTER

That's like a 26. I don't wanna die. Snail number two, do not forget the glory of Goblin-topia and frozen peas. You will be rewarded handsomely. I will make you the master of logs. What?!

- What did you guys get?

- 17. - 21. - Eight. - Okay, so hold on. - And a four knife in his back. - Oh my God. - Polymer curse, you son of an inevitable betrayal. - What did you get, Gricko? - 26.

- Snail number two, the only thing that can stop us now is a sparky blue turtle. That is impossible. - All right, as you round the corner, no cabbages fly out of the stands. Nothing spooks your snails. This round goes off like a hitch. As all of you race forward, the goblin announcers begin to call out.

This race is quite the race, Jay. You're right, Mike, it is. As Mike lifts up his coffee mug and takes a cheerful swig and smiles at the camera, Jay, there is no camera here, Jay calls out to the crowd, all right, as an update, we look like we're nearing the finish line. In first place, we have...

King Shmebelebelon with 470 points. In second place, we have... I did math wrong for sure.

- Oh, we have. - Grimmy. - Snarly, Snarly, the full human, the full troll woman. - The betrayal. - 430 feet. She has fallen behind by a large 40 feet in this round. I don't know if she can pick up the slack, Mike. I don't know, Jay. It's not looking good for that full troll woman.

In third place, we have Biggs the Dwarf with 420 blaze it. He is blazing it around this racetrack. That's for sure, Mike. That's for sure, Jay. Your name's Greenleaf. Why can't you blaze around the track? Next, we have Alec, the full human bartender with 410 points. Followed by Gideon on her queen's majesty with 400 feet.

Next, we've got Jane, Alec's wife with 370 feet, followed by Bodhi with 350 feet and still coming in last. He just can't catch a break. We have Cremi Le Creux with 290 points. It's not looking good for Cremi Le Creux in this race, Jay, I'm telling you. I don't think he's gonna be able to make up that time. It looks like next round, unless something absolutely horrible happens, and it can,

- King Shmebulebulon is probably gonna win this race. He's a scant 10 feet from the finish line. You're so right, Mike. You are absolutely correct in that one. I don't see how Cremi pulls this one out, but the crowd does love an underdog. And I need you all to roll. - Is there like a poorly hidden shortcut?

That I could take and like I shoot over a canyon and like a little glider pops out. You go through a ring and like the boosters kick in. Yeah.

Tormek is completely defeated. He'll just lie down in front of the snail and let him use his namesake. You look around and you see nothing of the sort. This track is a circle for a reason. It makes it very difficult to cheat. What's the spell level on slow? How many targets can I hit in that one?

Signs posted in the stands and along the racetrack warn that neither jockeys nor spectators may influence the outcome of a race by using magic or by harming other jockeys or snails. Any jockey who openly does so is disqualified, as is the jockey's snail. A spectator caught doing so is escorted from the carnival. Uh-oh.

- Shit. - There are four goblins, large buff goblins, wandering the crowd closely for trouble makers. - It's Ma and Chet. - I trust them one night. Look, look fellas, let's just lose with grace, all right? - I need your rolls, please. - 18. - Jormek also rolled an 18, but just really isn't feeling it. - 23. - For the third time, an eight. - Wow.

Poor Kremi. Maybe if you face forward. What did you get, Gideon? 18. Okay. Oh, man. What did you get, Torgrod or whatever your name is? 18. Torgrod the Incinerator. Yeah. That's so much more badass than Torbett. What did you get, Kremi? I got an 8. I got a raw.

That's a rock effect. I'm gonna be a Torbjorn. He's got a pitbull full of rocks. Yeah. Sorry, I've gotta do math. This is gonna be a photo finish. What'd you roll? 23.

- I guess it's not. - No, it's not. - We're gonna see how Snarly does. - He's got it in the back. - We're gonna see how Snarly does. - I mean, ah, fuck, ah! - Abyss! - And this is it, folks.

The final, the final push of the race. It is a close one. We have King Shmarglebargle and Snarly neck and neck heading towards the finish line. The only one who's really suffering here, Mike, is Cremi Le Creu. I don't think he has a chance.

I don't think he's got a chance either, Jay. I think we should honestly just pretend like he doesn't exist in this race because he's clearly going nowhere. Oh, he's not a master of snails. And with that, did you see that? King Smorglebargle has barely made it over the finish line first in this race. We have a winner, folks.

- Oh, folks. Nimblefoot is true to his name. His feet are nimble as King Schmarglebargle has taken this race. All hail the king, the crowd goes wild. Coming in second, very, very close behind is Snarly. Snarly has pulled in just a second behind her king.

a real 100% troll woman bona fide and coming in third who would have seen it

following the Kings Queen is the snail Queen herself Queen's Majesty and her writer Gideon number third followed quickly behind in in a tie both Biggs and Alec make it over the line a human bartender folks I never saw that coming his sad wife is left behind

unfortunately caught between that horribly smelling bugbear and that incredibly unlucky crocodile. But lucky for her, she does come out a little ahead the crocodile, but sadly, no, I'm sorry, she does come out ahead. Jane makes it in front of...

whatever that stinky thing's name is. Congratulations, Jane, human bartender. - Doesn't seem relevant. - Followed by Bodhi and let's wait.

- Come on! - No, I don't wanna get with you! - I'll go to the next attraction. - And there he is! Krenni has crossed the finish line in last place. Thank you everyone for coming out tonight. Free drinks at the exit. Don't worry, eyes are always watching here at the Witchlight Carnival.

And it is almost time for the crowning of the Witchlight Monarch. Thank you for being our guest here today and thank you for narrating this game with me, Mike. Well, thank you for narrating this game with me, Jay. Y'all have a good night, you hear? Do I get a pathetic participation badge?

You all stand around and wait for a moment as the stands begin to evacuate and people begin to leave. You hear whispers about, well, so-and-so was my favorite and I don't care that he didn't win or how stinky he is. His sadness is really charming in a pathetic way. You're right, Jill, it really is. Thanks, Michaela. As they begin to make their way out of the stands.

You also hear people cheering for Cupcake Chad. I don't care that he didn't win, third place is admirable and look at how he looks in that crop top. - Three's a party. - Oh my God, nobody can handle those tiny wings quite like Gideon the Cupcake Chad. Nobody talks about Cremie at all. - I didn't ask for it. What does Big say? - What does Big say? - Yeah, the dwarf.

And then he walks off. Only fourth place. Only fourth place. As he walks off. Yeah, that's what he says. Mr. Crammy, I heard you wanted a participation match. Here you go.

I was being sarcastic. Is this going to give me a disease if I sit down and eat myself? Probably. Snarling, my beloved, the smell of bugbear blood is in the air, and that can only mean wedding bells. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, fuck you, but I ain't gonna marry you. I'm not looking for anything long term.

What's the size difference here? Smiley, you have broken my heart. Sorry, get a mental picture. She's probably around seven feet tall. As much as I want to fuck a troll, and a troll you are. He's going to get lost down that hallway. I'm here for a long time, as well as a good time. And I cannot unite.

Our houses, if we are not betrothed, we cannot bring prosperity to Goblin-topia.

I don't know what you said, but my sister, Gertle Trudy, will be very happy to have a long-term relationship. She's never been with a man, a woman, or anything really, so. Lady Gertle Trudy. She sounds like a lovely broad. He really likes it if you are. How's Trublin? He speaks giant. So if you prefer, you know. Oh! Oh!

And then she turns around and walks away. Where's good old Trina? Goblin-topia shall descend into ruin. LAUGHTER

Gross bugs will crawl in our beds. Our crops will rot. End war will surely kill all of our children. Aged...

16 to 25. Ricko, if it's any consolation, it's probably for the best. That would have been like a goblin falling into a well. Like a toothpick down a volcano. Toothpick, that is what I desire most.

But I must no longer call you Master of... Master of Laws. Oh, boy! I hate to tell you this, but Snail Number Two is now my new Master of Laws. Oh, I'm like a snail! Can't even talk!

But he has a great sense of justice on his side. What has Torbett done to deserve this? You may be my court fool, if you wish. I need you all to roll a perception check. Perception? All of us? I can't even hear what the fuck he's saying over this buzzing. Can somebody get these damn gloves off me? Oh, I got a two.

- Four, no. - A total of four. - 16. - Okay. - Nine. - Okay, thank you. - Playing BB. - Five. - Okay, thank you, continue.

- Well, I guess if it's the only role for Torbek, Torbek will take it. At the very least, Torbek is just glad that his newfound friends would never betray him. - It is as Torbek says this, that you all noticed the lights have gone down in the arena here in the stadium.

and there's an eerie silence. It seems like everybody has been evacuated from this place. Everybody, but the fluttering of wings. What could that sound be in the darkness? It's hard to tell. As slowly from the other side of the track,

you begin to see forms starting off as shadows first two very large forms and one very small form as it makes your way towards all of you and then behind that even an even larger form you all quiet yourself as you look forward and you see two bugbears one of them very clearly burly the bugbear the other one

whatever his name was that gave you your tuna and meatball sandwich. James or- - Brendan. - Jerry. - Jerry, right? - I think it's Jerry, yes. - Jerry. - The other one, clearly Jerry. And in between them, looking pissed and irate, Riata Flog. - Oh no. - Is coming up the flank. You slowly hear the tap, tap, tap of a cane as a top hat comes into view.

And you see Mr. Witch as he looks between all of you. Well, well, well, you have done your job exactly as I had hoped, fellas. That's right. We followed your orders. He's right here. He never left. If you have the manacles, you can take them right now.

He snaps his fingers and you see as in each of the bugbear's hands are two giant magical manacles. Oh, where did those bugbears come from? As they begin to move with almost an unnatural speed heading towards Torbek.

And as you begin to move away from them, Riata flies up towards you. You're not going anywhere after what you did to me. Lights out, Mr. T. And she blows some pixie dust in your face. And you begin to start to say something. Oh, I don't know what the meaning of this is. Oh, I suppose that this might be goodbye.

Why? Torbec just has a few quick words. Do not stand around and weep because Torbec is not there. Torbec does not sleep. Torbec is the thousand winds that blow. Torbec is the diamond glints in snow. Torbec is the sunlight on ripened grain.

Torbek is the gentle autumn rain as you awake with morning's hush. Torbek is the swift up-flinging rush of quiet birds encircling flight. Torbek is the day transcending night. Do not stand around and cry. Torbek is not there. Torbek did not die.

- Okay, I'll see you guys. - And as you say this, you immediately fall asleep and land on the ground. Jerry and Burly immediately manacle you and pull you up. You're snoring and slobbering all over yourself, completely ruining your bunny outfit.

as Riata begins to bark orders and they begin to carry you away. You hear the ticking of a stopwatch, or the ticking of a pocket watch as Mr. Witch begins to rectify time. And he looks between all of you and he says,

Well done. Oh, that's the wrong voice. I can't do, do your voice so I can copy. It's all new, everybody. It's all new. That's right. Well done, fellas. I couldn't be more proud of you today. You'll have your friend Frost back. Go ahead and follow me back to our tent. And that is where we'll end the session.

I guess it's true what they say. In the game of trolls, you either win or you get put to sleep by a pixie and dragged away by two strong bugbeats. Thank you, Abby. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you.

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