Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 6 | Guys' Night
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Mikey Gilder and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. The members of Carnivale La Crewe, Cremie, Gideon, Frost, and Gricko, who set out to Agwe to make some coin. While there, they were accosted by Cremie's old boss, who let him know that he was in severe debt.

In a foolish attempt to try and earn the money back quickly, they went to a job board and noticed a posting from one warlock looking for information on their archfey patron, Zibilna.

They made their way into the swamps around Ogwai to meet up with Madrik, the warlock, to find out if there was the potential of a mass amount of gold and treasure that they would be able to use to line their pockets, maybe restart their carnival, as well as to pay off Remy Garou.

They decided that this was a lucrative job. This led them directly to the Witchlight Carnival where they were told the entrance to Prismir, a portion of the Feywild, was located and that it was through this carnival that they would be able to enter into Prismir, find out what's going on with Sibilna, and return back to Madrik with the information that was requested, thus securing their winnings.

They have arrived at the Witchlight Carnival on its final night, the eighth night of the carnival. And we're told to enjoy it as much as they can. We'll also sleuthing to see what information they can gather. Information about what is happening in Prismere, which has led them to information regarding the Coven of Hags known as the Hourglass Coven. It is most recently that they have made it through the first four hours of the carnival.

And they have just experienced one of the biggest spectacles the carnival has to offer. The Big Top Extravaganza. It is here where they finally have seen one half of the carnival owners in the flesh. A Mr. Light, who was the leader of the Big Top Extravaganza.

Towards the very end, he called out for participants to perform and potentially gain favor with the host in an attempt to buy them additional glory towards becoming the Witchlight Monarch, which happens at the very end of the carnival, and the good graces of both Mr. Witch and Mr. Light themselves.

It was then that this group that you see before you, minus one random player sitting at the table being a mooch. Just kidding. It is then that you see our four main characters here decide that they want to attempt to entertain the crowd, and they do. Though Frost, overcome by some fey magics,

puts himself in quite the pickle with Mr. Light when he begins to question him publicly in front of the entire audience about Mr. Light's most painful moment in his life. It was a tense moment, but the group was able to salvage it and Mr. Light let his right-hand man, Burly the Bugbear, know to invite the group to a meeting with Mr. Witch and Mr. Light, which is exactly what they were hoping would happen.

It is here that we start our session. You are standing in the big tub. Burly the bugbear is next to you. He's just informed you that you're to have a meeting with Mr. Witch and Mr. Light.

He rounds all of you up and takes you through the back entrance to the Big Top. You begin to make your way through what appears to be an employee area. You see picnic tables lined with bits of food. You see witch-like hands milling about on their breaks and enjoying some time off, or some of them working.

Some of them are there helping the performers that you just saw change into their new outfits or round up the clowns and put them into their cages. I'm kidding, clowns don't go in cages. - No they don't. - But the clowns are there milling about. - Oh man. - There's only one place for the clowns, not the cage. - Honking each other's noses and pulling, Jesus Christ, man! - And pulling what?

Do you see why we get nothing done here? You see the performers milling about doing the things that they need to get done after a performance as large and as grand as the big top extravaganza.

You wind your way through this area until you finally make your way to the very back of the carnival, right towards the edge of where the lake winds around in that figure eight pattern around the carnival. And you see a beautiful caravan extravagantly decorated, exactly what you would expect to carnival leaders to live in, in beautiful striped colors of red and white,

silk streamers and tassels hanging this way and that, gilded and glorious. In front of it, you see four benches as Burly motions to you to sit down. Mr. Witch and Mr. Light will be with you shortly. Until then, just take a seat and relax. Can't tell you how long it'll be. And, uh, Catfella? Yes?

Mr. Light wants a private word with you first. Oh, a private word? Perhaps he enjoyed my show. Perhaps. So if you'll follow me... Oh, will my companions be joining me? A private word insinuates you alone. Well, I wasn't sure if it was private as in just private between me and him or private with me and my companions. You're very large and muscular, so I suppose I'll follow after you. Hold on. How long is he going to be gone? Because, I mean, we only got eight hours, and if this is going to take all day...

"Yeah, no, Frosty has to help me save Hootsie!" No, it'll be okay, Gricko. I'm sure that my line of questioning just brought back some very pleasant memories for Mr. Light. No, yeah, it fucked up! Yeah, why are you taking him? His show wasn't even good! That was horrible, you see what he did at the end? Oh... This is like a bad kind of meeting, not a good kind of meeting, Frost. You understand? Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine.

We don't want to keep Mr. Light waiting too long, so if you'll follow me, Cat, I'll see you inside. Oh, good job on thinking of the wrong thing. Well, see, thank you, Mirko. I appreciate your confidence in my abilities. Either way, was your name Burly?

Am I getting that correctly? Yeah, my name's Burley the Bugbear. Is that a goblinoid name? I think it's more of a nickname. It's just my name. Oh, okay. Well, lead the way, Mr. Burley. He slowly walks over. He opens the door, and for a split second, you can see the inside. It is clearly a lush...

a lush caravan, purple velvet tassels strewn here and there. The wafting of incense spills out very quickly as the door opens and you are quickly, or Frost is quickly ushered inside. Burleigh shuts the door, crosses his arms and leans up next to the carriage, but then does not continue to speak.

You sit here and wait for a while. You notice that you're not the only person here. There is another person here. Clutching onto a piece of paper that has some words scrawled on it and what is clearly crayon is a... What are you? - I am also a bugbear. And my name is Torbek. - Do we recognize Torbek?

You do recognize Torbek. At first, it's hard to notice because clearly this bugbear has been in the drink. This bugbear is filthy. His clothes are tattered. He looks like he has had quite the past couple of months. But this is clearly one of the carnies that used to work at Carnival La Crewe.

Man, that guy stinks. I thought it smelled familiar. Is that... Is that Toolbag? Who? Toolbag!

It's kind of familiar. Do we know someone named Torbac? Do we know a bugbear named Torbac? Torbac worked for a carnival from the very beginning. Do you remember him, Crammy? Well, I know he had bugbears working, but I mean, I don't know. No, he was really good at... He ran a lot of the games and the machines and the rides that Gideon... Oh, the rigged game operator. That Torbac. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, doing whatever...

Whenever on the Harris wheel when that broke down, you'd say, "Oh, Torbeck, why don't you go climb up there? You never fall and ask for workers comp, 'cause we ain't got no workers comp." - Oh, he was, when we finally figured out that he was the only one that could do it without breaking the back and being fed to the pigs. - Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever pay him?

He also didn't pick up a torch or a pitchfork when the rest of the colonies revolted. Good guy, good guy. Maybe that's why I forgot about him is because I haven't built an eternal grudge of hatred against him for running us out of town. Oh, that's... And ruining my car. You know, that's a good sign, I think. Toolbag, is that you? No.

Oh, if it isn't Torbek's favorite coworkers. What are you doing here? Uh, I mean, I guess I'll ask him, "What are you doing here?" Yeah! Well, Torbek is here to find a new job.

After things went south at the carnival, Torbeck is what he likes to refer to as fun employee. But now Torbeck has gotten to the witch-like carnival early to apply for a new job.

Oh, early for like... Early for the next carnival? For like eight years from now? Yeah, that's real, I guess that would be very early. No, early for this carnival. Is anybody gonna tell him? Well, so, Toolbag, you're looking for employment for like tonight? For like four hours, is that what you're saying? Correct.

Wait, four hours? I thought it was eight days. Well, I mean, it is. No, no, yeah, it's last night.

"Oh, Torbek? Torbek, what have you been doing for the past seven and a half days?" Torbek thought he was a whole week early. "You're telling Torbek that this is the last day of the carnival? Let me see your calendar."

Torbek doesn't have a calendar. Oh, who cares about a calendar? Do you have a calendar with Hoochie's first lemon icy? This was Hoochie's first time that she blinked with two separate eyes? Wait, hold on. I can't even look at Gideon. Are you sure you're not coming to collect on the three or four months of wages I never paid you? Ugh.

Oh, Mr. Crammy Torbeck would never extort anyone that he worked for as magnificent as you. Alright. Is it extortion if we owe him the money? No question it, game. Oh yeah, right, right. Torbeck may be hitting a little bit of a rough patch, but things are still looking good for Torbeck.

Torbeck has a girlfriend named Clementine. That is absolutely real and not a cardboard cutout. Oh, that's really nice for you. Gosh, man. I know that you were always saying, oh, I'm so low. Torbeck is so lonely. Nobody wants to be with Torbeck. And a nice girl named Clementine. It's a very pretty name. Oh, Torbeck.

Torbek will have to remind Clementine to update his calendar. Oh yeah, no, you should ask Clementine to maybe remind, yeah, maybe she also should get a kind of herself if she didn't remind you correctly. Where's she right now? Is she around? We would love to meet Clementine. Wouldn't we, fellas? She's not here.

She's not here. Oh, you forgot it. You've got to bring her to the carnival. Like, the perfect spot for a couple. Torbjorn was here for work. If he was coming to get a job, he's not going to bring his lady. Actually, I suppose it's best that he didn't bring his best gal, because all the romances we've seen at this carnival haven't really worked out. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, no. One was with a mermaid who was like, oh, you know, you know, you know.

You know what I mean, Torbeck? Well, if that mermaid is still around, Torbeck isn't exactly exclusive. You're not staying a chance, Torbeck. She's in the clams. Let her sing, Torbeck. She's got a nice set of pipes. She's got a nice singing voice, Torbeck. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Gideon, are you suggesting that Torbeck has no shot?

Yeah, yeah. No, you can try. You can always try. It'd be funny. Look, all right. Just let him do it. You can try. Yeah, you can try. Yeah, you can try. Yeah, we'll talk you up. Torbeck knows he's not as handsome as Gideon. I actually think I've never seen you quite so put together. He's...

He's got like bits of dried vomit on his chest hair and he's just not... He's the best you've ever looked! Oh, you got some animal crackers up your legs. I'm not sure those are crackers. I pull out a handkerchief and I wipe my hands off. Well, you know, I'll think...

Torbett, if it's true that you and Clementimes have some sort of arrangement, I think that both of you would find, well, we haven't seen the mermaid, have we? But we've heard like a full, you know what I mean? And so we're saying it's kind of nice. And I mean, you know what, Kitty? You know what?

you guys are kind of mean. And I'm going to start speaking to him and going, "Bah, bah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah

And I don't think that it gets much worse than that. So I think he actually might legitimately have a chance. I mean, and maybe, you know, and he's actually kind of sad and mopey and pathetic himself. So maybe like, you know, Gideon's got too much of that cake chat energy, you know? She might like, she might want to fix somebody. What do you think he's talking about, Ian?

I have no clue. You think they're talking? You think they're communicating? Maybe it's some kind of interpretive dance or something, you know? I thought it was just hungry. Probably singing to the eldritch god for, like, boons or something. Yeah, classic, with his memory in his wings. Yeah. Probably, you know...

Those goblin deities always have memories. In Goblin, I will respond as we're talking. Oh, Gricko, you've always had so many friends, more than anyone. You really are my favorite co-worker. Oh! Well, that's very nice of you to say, uh, Torbeck. You know, I'm... I'm not!

Torbek can only hope to have one one hundredth of the friends that Griggo has. Well, you know, Torbek, I think that maybe you can start to try to, you know, maybe think that you'll try to make friends at work, you know what I mean? They don't have to just be co-workers. Maybe you can say, "Oh hey, what's everybody doing? It's Friday night. Anybody doing anything cool? Oh, well, everybody's busy."

Well, maybe on Tuesday we could check out Ruby Tuesdays. That would be nice. Oh, everyone's busy on Tuesdays, too. Well, maybe I'll see you around. You know what I mean? It's like Bricka was there.

You know, why don't you hang out with us? I mean, if Clementine isn't here to keep an eye on you, I mean, Kremi, despite all of his flaws, you know, and ill character traits, of which there are many,

You know, he's very good at keeping time. He's got a pocket watch. Oh, well, Torbeck has nothing better going on. I suppose Torbeck could hang out with favorite co-workers for a while. Oh, good. Well, you know, as long as we're here, you know what I mean? Especially when Frosty's going to be in there for who knows how long. He's probably fine. He's not going to get his legs broken enough. I'm going to go anyways.

You know, I'd take offense to that if I could understand what they're saying. Yeah, I think the sentiment was quite clear. It might be something nice, but given the tone of their voice, I don't think so. Yeah, no, definitely not. I switch back to calling. I'm so handsome. I'm Gideon. Hey, that's a horrible rendition of me.

I forgot to say it in Goblin. No! Too common! We always have to talk about people behind their back in Goblin! Yeah, have some common courtesy. Oh, Torbek apologizes.

It is about this time that the door to the wagon opens up and you see a man that you had not seen before. But it is easy to see exactly who this is the moment he steps out of the caravan. He is shorter than Mr. Light, pudgier, but much more put together. His clothing is immaculate, beautifully stitched.

gold and silver embroidery. The top hat he wears on his head is pristine as if it is cleaned and shined nightly. His shoes are so shined that they're almost to a mirror finish as he steps down out of the caravan, swinging a pocket watch on its chain as he looks directly towards all of you. Well, well, well, it looks like

You have gotten yourselves in over your head a little bit, I see. Mr. Witch, I presume if your reputation precedes itself, and it does. He looks at you and he smiles. I think we are kindred spirits, you and I. Got mighty fine shoes, mighty fine hat, and that is a mighty, mighty fine pocket watch. Where'd you get it?

My eyes are really big and the pupils are replaced by pink hearts. I got it in a place you've never been and will probably never go and is worth far more than you could ever hope to own. Oh, I mean, this is my tiny, pathetic pocket watch. It's nothing. It's nothing as beautifully pristine as yours.

Let me introduce myself. What a do. The name is Kremi LeCrew of Carnival LeCrew, and these are my carny hands. It is a pleasure to meet you, Kremi LeCrew. I do not think that an introduction is needed. I am clearly Mr. Witch. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. He nods his hat. He tips his hat to you. Now, I had hoped to have a conversation with you all, but as I'm sure you are aware...

Your friend caused quite a stir at the Big Top Extravaganza, and my partner in crime, Mr. Light, has a thing or two to say to him. Now I do think we should have our conversation, you see, because there's a lot to say, and your name has come up quite a lot at this carnival in the past four hours.

People are talking about Torbek. Who are you? He means us. Well, the three of us and Frost, but... I'm just Torbek. Are you the sad bugbear that showed up on the last day of the carnival to submit your...

Resume, which is simply a photo of yourself you drew in crayon. Torbek thought he was early. And yes, this drawing looks exactly like Torbek, including all of the horrible mutations that doctors cannot explain. Would you hold that up for me to see? He puts the monocle up to his eye and he looks at it.

I can see that children might find this amusing. There may be a place for you here. Yeah, stupid kids probably would find that amusing. Yeah, dumb kids. I hate kids. Oh no, we're the carnival for children and we love kids. No, we love kids money rather than parents money. No, we love children. That was not the time for your idle pratter. We don't have much time at all. Oh, what the?

Okay. We should have this conversation, but with Mr. Lied previously indisposed, we cannot have it now. I'm fine with that. I will slow down the process of time. Why don't you take...

Turkey bets? Sure. Why don't you take turkey bets here and you have him? Mr. Lurkey, yes. We will certainly take him. Yes, Mr. Lurkey. If you can take him with you, enjoy the carnival for a bit. I'll send Burleigh to get you when we're ready for you. Don't worry about your friend. He's in good hands. All right, so you'll just, for us to stay with Mr. Lott,

- Until their business is done, yes. - He's gonna be totally fine. It's a very polite, gentlemanly conversation. My name's not a gentleman, by the way. I've also lost my daughter and she was taken by spooky witches, but we don't have to deal with that until Frosting is back. - He takes his pocket watch. He takes his pocket watch, he opens it, and you watch as he takes his finger, he doesn't even touch it, but he slowly begins to wind backwards

and then really quickly, and then he stops. And you see that all of a sudden, the second hand is no longer ticking in seconds. It's ticking significantly slower. And though the carnival around you doesn't feel like it's slowed down, you do have this strange feeling as if time itself is not moving at the same pace it was, though you are currently able to function normally. How'd you do that? Just a little spin and time just stops?

Well, it hasn't stopped at all. It still progresses as time is wont to do. It just listens to me. Oh, so on the last night of the carnival, you give all of the guests a couple extra hours, perhaps, of enjoyment and merriment. Well, I'm giving you a couple of extra hours because we have business with your friend. But we have a lot to talk about, and I wouldn't want to miss it in light of the carnival ending and all.

So go, enjoy yourselves. Okay! Well thank you Mr. Witch, it's very nice to meet you. Pleasure to meet you, and I'm looking forward to our chat later. I have a proposition that I think you won't turn down. If it has anything to do with your "renowned carnival", I'm sure I've heard all I need to hear. No, I was just gonna offer our services to, you know, kill a political traitor, but we can talk about it later. Wait, what? He looks at you, roll an insight check.

Natural 20. Oh! You gotta give it up. Well done. First roll of the night. Insight 24. You see a smirk appear on his face for just a second. He seems very intrigued by the idea of you helping to secure a certain traitor. You can tell almost instantly and he knows exactly who you're talking about and he's very interested.

Well, I look forward to our conversation, Mr. LeCrew. Mr. Lurkey. And the rest. Oh, yeah, this is giddy. Yeah, you probably know me as the Cake Chad, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't know my name, just my title. He looks at your shirt. His eyes kind of linger there for a moment. Congratulations. Thank you. I ate the biggest cake. No one's ever seen it before. We've never gotten to that stage at the carnivore, so I've heard, but I believed it.

You may go. It was a death match. Oh, his last name's Cole. Like the fuel, not the slaw. That's pretty good. That's really good. Like the fuel, not the slaw. That's really good. That's really good. That's really good. That's such a close slaw. So told by a close slaw. You hear a slam as clearly Mr. Witch has left and just slammed the door.

It's usually cabbage or carrots in this mayonnaise base and it's vinegar and we leave. Everyone wants to know what Torbek looks like. What does he look like? Torbek is tall. How tall are bugbears? Very tall. Seven and a half. Taller than Gideon. Seven feet tall. Probably seven feet tall. Very hairy. He's wearing rags and probably some burlap.

The more homeless he looks, the more accurate your drawing will be.

Maybe he has like a hat or something, like a, maybe like a-- - Like a Newsy cap. - Oh, maybe. Or like an old boot. - An old boot's on his head. An old boot's on his head. He's got a can of beans. - The hobo bindle is just filled with rocks because Torbek doesn't own anything. - I think he just like Google classic hobo look.

They're all riding the rails and that's Torbeck. Classic hobo love. Oh, he's got a shoe and one big toe sticking out of it. I actually did my own fan drawing of Torbeck I can share later. Join the Discord. Join the Discord and you'll see Andy's fan art of Torbeck. Okay, so with that, you have...

You heed Mr. Witch's instructions and you make your way back out into the carnival proper. All the while you do notice that Burly is following closely behind, making sure that you don't remain in the staff area as he escorts you back into the big top proper and closes the curtain behind you.

you are now inside of the Big Top and you see that it looks like they're preparing to put on another show. And it's easy to just overhear from the people that are milling about that every 15 to 20 minutes or so they put on a small show in the Big Top. Nothing quite like the extravaganza, but it's a place that if you wanted to get off of your feet and find a place to relax, have something to eat or drink, you could always pop into the Big Top for a little bit of fun.

And they are currently preparing for one of those. And that's where you find yourselves. - All right, fellas.

I guess we should, uh, Mr. Lurkey. Oh, no. I kind of like that better than your actual name. Nobody ever calls Torbek by his real name. Some people call me Bodacious T. Oh! Bodacious T? Who is Torbek kidding? Nobody calls him that. Oh, but dude, you are too. Can you explain that nickname? Oh!

Torbjorn Beck. "From now on, Torbjorn Beck is shy." Is that a stage name? From now on, Torbjorn Beck is shy. Are you putting yourself through college with a little bit of a side career?

There's no judgement! Mr. Kremi was talking. I was just gonna say, Gricko, that's what we call wishful thinking. He's trying to actualize it in his mind, and nobody's gonna call you that. Wait, is he saying he's not actually putting himself through education by taking his clothes off and jumping around for the amusement of others? No, I think Gricko is just referencing early 2000s comedies. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Bodacious tea? Oh, yes. Oh. Well, you know what? It's Gajna. Every day for us is Gajna, but I mean, it's got the old Poland chain. I'm sure it's the Clementine chain. You know what I mean? So now, you're with us, you're with the lads. I'm like elbowing his like, calf. His calf.

So it's Torbeck, it's guys night out on the town. We've ditched Clementine. I'm sure she's lovely, but I'm sure, you know... And Torbeck missed any hope of gainful employment, so Torbeck's schedule is open now. Hey, you know what, you know what, Clemmie?

You know what Crummy and Gideon always say? Almost every day they say, "A day spent doing an honest day's work is a day's wasted." You know? I know. That's true. That's what I'm saying. You're wasting your time. There's no profit in honest work. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You can't enjoy yourself if you're getting paid for it above the table.

That's fair. I suppose if there's time, maybe Torbett could have a little alcohol.

It makes the pain go away for just a little while. So you're drunk too. I'm sorry, did somebody say they wanted some alcohol? Me, Torbek. You see a pixie flying around with very small bottles of alcohol. So to a human-sized person, they look like those little tequila shooters. But to her, they're clearly like large bottles.

The airplane bottles. Yeah, the airplane bottles. And she's got one of those, like when you see at the baseball games where they have the straps and the tray, and she's flying around carrying all these alcohol bottles. Oh, that's lovely, but Torbek doesn't have any money. No, it's all free. What are you talking about? Everything's free here at the carnival. Do you want some mulberry mead? No.

Yes, please. All right, here's one more. Gar's not. It's like a little thimble in the giant bugbear hands. Also, Mr. Cremmy, drunk. Did you want anything else from my quart? Wait, were we at the kid's drink vendor when she would only give us fizzy unicorn horny drinks? I'm sorry, what are you talking about? We were choked.

Torbek is interested in a horny drink. We'll have to visit the elf on the stilts, like, "Woo!" It was very uncomfortable. Anyway, do you have, like, a pint of, uh, a nice pint of, uh, like, a lager would be nice, maybe an ale? I've got an entire bottle of whatever you could possibly want. Oh, you got some, like, you only got spirits? Oh, we don't like ghosts here. Got rum? I don't... Well, I have a raspberry rum.

I'll take it. Alright, and she hands it to you, but it's tiny. What about whiskey? Depends on what kind of whiskey you want. Something spicy with a little kick. Okay, how about dragon fire whiskey? Oh yeah, that'll do. Alright, here you go. Did you want anything? You got like a cup of beer?

No. Uh, they probably have tons of it. You know, like, all the bottles would be it. It's all like, ugly. Oh. Uh, no, I'll wait until it'll be a cod. Are you sure? I mean, it's guys night. Come on, we're doing shots. Yes. Oh, no. I mean, my daughter did get taken by free-formal witches for billions. But it is guys night. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

You just consider him like babysitters. Oh, yeah. It's all about you. It's all about you. It's all about you. I'm going to make it okay. So did you want something from my court?

Oh, gosh. Speak something. Do you have like a... I have gin. You got any gin? Give him some gin. Oh, some gin. What kind would you like? You want ginger gin? A stanky. I mean, as much stank as you got. No. Maximum stank. I'll have some ginger gin. Yes, please. All right. Here you go. And she passes you a bottle. I wouldn't

- Be careful about drinking it all at once. It's a lot of- - Gosh darn it! - Wasn't he gonna toast? Can we get four more? - I need you all to make constitution saving throws at disadvantage. - Oh no. Constitution? - Yeah, at disadvantage because you just shot it.

It's the size of a thimble. Oh no. I just- oh! Oh no. Torbjorn got a seven. Griggo got a seven. Oh god. Nine. Uh, nine? I just- oh! The size is really deceiving. I know it looks pixie-like, but there's

alcohol content and that to put an elephant to sleep. You are all wasted. Well, yeah. Magic kick. Good thing we're elephants. Imagine if we were elephants. We would look like a bunch of idiots if we was elephants right now. Hey, go out now.

Hey, that's a strong step. Bodacious tea. Why don't you give us a little toast? I'm sorry for stealing your spotlight. We need a from order. You should.

I'm just gonna...

"Oh, it stands to reason." "I'm just, I'm gonna go. So good luck." She turns and flies away. "Oh no, we don't have a problem, you have a problem." "I don't know why everyone's always judging. We're not elephants." "He didn't say it, we're not elephants."

Elephants guarding me! Elephants guarding me! Elephant, elephant! Oh, come on, elephants. Tormek's toast is, Tormek yearns for physical touch. Is that it?

To Clementine! Oh, because this is the first time you've left her alone in a long time, so he misses his best gal Clementine and her lovely soft touch. Yes, she has a touch that is soft as an orange rind. Clementine.

Roll a constitution saving throw at disengaging. Oh, Grito's gonna twist. No, you're gonna, you're dreaded. Oh. I got a 14, 15, I got a 15, 16. This spaceship burns. Oh, it was almost a half of 20. Oh, 13, doing a little better. You know what, Ashley, I'm not gonna twist you. Yeah, you can go ahead and use a twist. Okay.

- I'm gonna keep my dread for something funnier. - I got a 20.

Roll a d100 for me, please. Okay, that was kind of my point. We gotta use them! You gotta use them! You're right, you're right. And you're still drunk. You're still drunk, so... I know, I'm still drunk. So who passed out? Who failed? I got a 15, whatever that means. You got a 16? 16. Yeah, 16. Oh, fine. 73. You gained the beauty of the gods!

- Nods, as long as you're being yourself in a mirror each day. If not, your video will corrupt into horror. - I see myself in this wall. - Wait, what is it actually just happened? - So all of a sudden you turn and look at Gricko and he is the most beautiful goblin you've ever seen.

Long, luscious blonde locks, plump lips, perfect skin, long feathery eyelashes, piercing green eyes. Oh my goodness, Gricka, when did you get more handsome than Gideon? What? I mean, this is actually

the third time. This at least wasn't out. You know what, Torbett? I know, I know, Bodacious T, that I was saying that you had a chance with that big titty mermaid. But that was before I had two drinks. And before...

I look like this, you don't have a chance. And nobody you kidding. It is at this point, Kremi, that you're looking at Gricko and though he is beautiful, he is for Gricko's. And he is stumbling about, you feel your head just spin and spin as you pass out. Oh shit.

Oh, I know the beer guy got a little thing, but you're awfully pretty. No, he's just handsome. Oh, God, no. I pass out in the kiddie's arms. Oh, is Mr. Tremie going to be okay? To be honest, I didn't even notice he passed out. I'm too busy looking at Grunko. Have you seen him?

I don't blame you. There's a lot going on right now. The way I would equate it is he goes from being goblin to goblin king. So it's as if you're looking at a tiny Jareth. No, I wear spandex now and I just have a crazy, crazy bald. Huge god beast. The rock mark is perfect. I have an absolutely enormous penis. Actually, it doesn't change the look of his face

at all. He just has a much larger penis than you. You know, just like that pixie said, normally I have to say that, oh, the size is deceiving, but now I don't have to. LAUGHTER

There's something wrong with this campaign. What was that mermaid's name again? Anyone remember? Let's go to the lake. Let's go to the lake! Does she have any friends?

Oh, we can ask her, she probably has a nice friend, yeah. Oh boy. Yeah, she might have like, you know, a cousin or something. Yeah, we can go to LA, just be careful when you walk there to not trip over your giant hog. Ow. Are you... Are you gonna... I'm getting used to this, for real. This is... You know what they say, "Four times a charm."

Are you going to sling that over your shoulder? No, honestly, I think the power of fey magic is keeping it all buckled up. Hey, Kirby! Wake up! We don't know how to pass out on gosh not. It's early. It's early. Are you like alligator hiss? Wake up.

Wait, wait, wait. Oh no, it'll wake him up. Oh no, it'll wake him up. Oh no! Does that alligator not have a mustache? Oh, wait, wait. I'll go on, I'll go on. I hate unicorns.

I think Torbek has the answer. I get really close to my whisper in his ear. Torbek has various horrific rashes. I was trying, Torbek. You don't really know Gummiedale. I guess he was always having to, you know, work hard and read games and climb up and fix things and steal from people. Yeah. Uh...

You know? Come here, come on. Come on. Wake up! It's just distasteful. Wake up! It's just embarrassing. You're embarrassing yourself and guys not. Torbjorn. But, but, was it Torbjorn? I was very excited for guys night out and we already lost a good soul night.

Well, you know, you got it in there. Look how skinny he is. I know that I'm a short king, okay? Not a whole lot less. You are a short king. You know, I mean, especially him. I mean, look, I'm like the Crimson Chin. He's just unbelievable. Oh, God. But, I mean, Scrummy, I can't believe... I mean, he's all scale and bone.

I don't mean his diet.

You know that you can easily wake up when it's just unconscious. You just be shaking away. Oh. Yeah. Wake up. Wake up. But I would say you're significantly more drunk than the rest. You're supposed to turn me on my side. I could die. Well, damn it, Kermit. I'm not a doctor. Or a surgeon. Or a surgeon. Damn it. I don't know. I've never saved anyone.

Where? I mean... Oh, my hat. Where's my hat? It's on your head. Did I lose my hat? It's on your head, currently. Oh, thank the gods. Alright. You actually have your mustache, by the way. I was just trying to wake you up. Wait, is it there? Hold on, let me flip open my compact mirror.

Oh, hold on! Can I take a look? No, no, no, I... I'm trying to, like, touch it, but I'm like, I'm smearing it all over the place. It's like at the club, looking in, like, the car mirror. Oh, God! It's Jeff and I! Oh, God, it's out of me! It's mine! Shut up! Shut up, Jeff and I!

Shut up. Shut up. Kevin won't take me back. Do you think that he's just playing hard to get? Hey! How do I look? Is it pencil thin and dapper? Yeah. I mean, you're looking pretty good. Thank you, but if it's pencil thin, you mean...

- I don't know, I mean, Frosty said it a couple of hours ago and I just, I don't know what that means. - Well, it's a snicker. - That's what I'm saying. Frosty just said it. I just sat in the thick, just sat in the thick with several Cs, if you know what I mean. Just like that mermaid, you know what I mean? - Ah, speaking of the mermaids, Mr. Cremmy, could you please not tell them about my rashes?

What about rational? - Roll a constitution saving throw. - To survive the knowledge that it's gonna work for us. - If you don't remember, just forget it.

- You feel like if he keeps talking about his rashes, you're not gonna be able to hold down the liquor. - You stop. - I'm sorry. - Look, look. - Turkey, just please. - It's Torbac. - It's Bodacious Tea you're talking about. This is the last night of freedom. All that Bodacious Tea has. - I thought his name was Lurkey.

No, no. Wait, I'm going to say turkey, last name Lurkin. Andy Corbett. Andy Corbett. He's lurking. Which is a very classic...

Gobanoid name. Okay? He stays like ten feet tall, but you never see him. No. No. Yeah. Big fuck. You guys are all big fellas. My neck hurts from looking up, but at least I'm very handsome. But now that I'm so handsome, we gotta head to town because this is gonna wear off. Oh, Grammy, can I see your mirror very quickly? There you go. I don't know.

Torbek has zero expectations and is still disappointed.

Do you mind if I clean you up and give it in the marmot patches or would you take offense to that? No, Torbeck would be very appreciative. All right, because I just can't tolerate anymore and I cast Prestidigitation. Yeah, you attempted... As much stink out...

- You do, and you see that Torbek is standing there without any clothes on at all. - Oh, with this, Torbek might finally smell like a living humanoid. - Well, Torbek, you're, I don't see why they call you Bodacious T yet. - We gotta get you some cool drip, is what they say. - Drip? - We gotta get you some drip, no cap, fam!

I don't know, can I borrow your lipstick? Why? Because I need to do some eyeshadow. It's not, I mean, it's a stick for my lip, but it's not lipstick, all right? What is it? It's my moustache application device. Oh, man, I'm borrowing your moustache application device, Greg.

I feel like I'm looking like my young days with the feathered tips like when I used to be in that band. All right, well, don't waste it. Okay, hold on. That's not your lips. Oh, no, I know, I know. I hate that no matter what you do, you just look better and better. I'm very symmetrical. Roll a constitution saving throw, Gregel. Oh, me? Just straight? Mm-hmm.

Oof. I'm just going to take it five. Okay, thank you. Oh, no. Oh, you're looking quite nice. All right, give it back. Okay, okay, he's just done. So what's next on the big guy's night out? You still make it. Let's get you some French. Whatever it goes.

- No, no, look. - They were so filthy, you prestidigitationed them right off. - They're being held together by vomit. - My underpants were like shredded wheat. - We gotta cover them up. - His underpants had more holes in them than they had underpants.

Use your hat. Krimi's hat. Oh, God. Oh. Oh, phew. There's children coming round here.

Yeah, and you're gonna cover him up. What about you? We're gonna go to fairy jail. You let that hang out around the kitchen. That's what I'm saying. I mean, Torbet's gonna get added to another list. What are you suggesting, Bricko? Torbet isn't a pervert. I'm just a bugbear.

Okay, I'm pausing this. Hold on one fucking second. So Andy pitches this character to me, mind you like ten minutes before we go live, and he says, I decided to play a sad character so that things wouldn't go off the rails. That's pretty sad.

- I thought I was laying that on to you. - Did I not convey that? - I mean, let's get this pivot. I mean, lad, we gotta go steal some clothes. - I will say, I will say you remember. - Oh, get still!

- You hear one of the Witchlight hands, it actually triggers your memory. You hear one of the Witchlight hands say, "Hello, do you wanna go out?" It's clearly one of the animal tenders as they're taking the animals out for their nightly walk. And it reminds you that when you were walking through the staff area, you saw an entire costume closet that was filled with costumes of all sizes, clearly some that would fit bugbears.

We gotta hurry. I want my hat back. Okay. Nothing to see here, children. Children do not... There are no children in here. Oh, people do not look over this direction. It's just guys night. We're not perverts. It's just guys night. As you begin

to yell this out, people start to turn and look. It's working. It's working. It's just guys now. It's just guys being guys. They're naked? Oh my god. He's mostly naked. No. The hair in his ass crack is maddening. Oh no. Oh my god. Get off the hat. Get off the hat.

- And we didn't brush out my butt crack hairs. - Oh, you-- - Don't look at Torbjorn! - Don't look at Torbjorn, no, no! - Okay, okay, Torbjorn, we're gonna get you cleaned up. We're gonna get you cleaned up. Okay, let's go to the costume chest. - We go to the costume chest. - Is it stealing? - Is it stealing? - No, I think it's stealing. What are the consequences?

Stealing's kind of a thing. I know there's like rules and things. I thought everything was free. In the worst case scenario, if he takes the costumes, he just gets captured by horrible witches and sucked into a hell dimension. Oh, is he gonna get sucked to hell? It's just, you know, if Murky does it. What? Tormek is not going to steal if it's going to get him sucked to... laughter laughter

Torbek has reconsidered stealing. What happened? Okay, okay, we're at the costume check. Here we go.

Sorry, Mr. Bunny. I need you all to make a stealth check. Because you are sneaking into the stagehand area. Stealth, you say? That'll be 19 for old Gricko Grimgrin. Oh, I'm not... Jesus. 19. A dirty 20. Oh. That's okay. That's okay. I think I broke vision, though. Oh, gosh. Oh.

- You know what I mean? - You know what I mean? - If you're to blame, you give love a bad name. - You got a nine? Everyone else seems to be beginning to sober up, though it hit really hard. It doesn't seem to be lasting that long, which is really nice. Except for you, Cremie. Whatever she gave you was very, very strong. And you are attempting to keep yourself together as you

exit back out of the big top the same way that you came in with the assistance of Burley and you weave your way through some of the some of the witch light hands as they're going about their business. Most of them don't pay any attention to you at all. The sight of a goblin and

A bugbear traveling together is really nothing. A fire genasi, especially in the way that you are garbed, it seems like it could easily be something that they would see performing at the show. And so they don't think anything of it. Kremi, however, is constantly stumbling and falling into witch-like hands, knocking them over. I'm knocking them over. They're making a very loud clatter. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- Eventually-- - I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. - Eventually a goblin makes their way up to you

What's going on here? *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *Mumbling* *M

Roll a persuasion check in advantage because Torbjorn makes himself like hell. I'll never want to. I'm assisting you. Persuasion? Yeah. I'm going to twist it because I'm so anxious. Roll a d100. Oh, the natural tawny. That's my card, though. 22 for all we got, Twists. He looks at you and goes, oh.

Alright, well, you know, if you're sure about it, just... You know how God's not used to it. Alright, well, grab a coffee on your way to the closet, then. But you gotta get dressed. The show's about to go on in, like, ten minutes. So get him together. Oh, the show? What are we gonna see? At the Big Top, you idiot! Oh.

They're gonna need you out there. So get this guy closed up and you can't get friends sobered up. Close him up? Okay. Let's hop to it. I don't have all day for it, all right? Get out of here. We're back on stage. I'm fine. I'm fine. Give him a coffee. Go, go, go. Do you have coffee? I have some coffee. Oh, I'm starting to sober up a little bit.

And so you are able to make your way over. At this point, people are like, oh, yeah, clearly they're just working the show. And, you know, people wave at you and they're like, ah, you're new. Welcome. Yeah, it's good to see you. Good to see you. How long have you been around? Oh, yeah, eight days. Oh, yeah. Real little bit. I switch to plant-based options. I hate that. Yeah, no. Oh, yeah, me too. I'm not a fan of the terribles. Not even a little bit.

Some people are deathly allergic, too. Oh, gosh, it's a real shame what happened to... As a bully wug, I'm just not really into terribles. Yeah, no, I mean, if it was actually leech meat and muskrat meat... I really like my fungus on my sandwiches. Oh, yeah, I appreciate that. You have really excellent taste. Thanks. Why is he naked sitting here at the table? No.

Oh no! I mean, Bugbear's a very... Torbjörn? Do we have an 18 plus show going on at some point tonight? Oh, Torbjörn hopes so. Will I get in it or not? Oh, is your name Fun Gus? What? Fun Gus. No, my name's...

Trudy. Oh, Trudy! Oh, Trudy, I didn't recognize. I mean, I just made a presumption. Well, I just made it up. Trudy, Trudy. It's quite nice. You got caught a nice two hours ago in the same direction. What are you talking about? I'm looking straight at you. Oh, my friend. Which is clearly not. You know I speak Bullywug. Oh, do you? I do. All right, you want to say something to me nice and Bullywug?

Oh, I guess I don't speak it. I'm all understanding. Hey, I knew what you said. Oh, great! Mostly good! Yeah! That's what I said! Yeah! All right, well,

I gotta go have a smoke before the show, so I'll see you later. She gets up and heads out towards the back. Showing what happened about Clutzy, definitely. Yeah, may you rest in peace. Terrible accident, having an allergic reaction to plant-based, I mean, you know. Speaking of allergic reactions, it really sucks what's happening to your eyeballs right now. And she turns around and walks away.

And you see that Griggo, even though he is beautiful, the bottom part of his eyelid where he put Kremi's makeup has now swollen. He's having an allergic reaction to one of the chemicals in the makeup. Oh, I also need to roll my d100. You do need to roll your d100. Oh no, Torbek has seen this before. D1.

Vines and leaves begin to intermingle, are sparingly intermingled with your hair and body hair. Oh. What's going on with you? You look like some kind of beautiful forest goddess. I don't know. Rico, I'm slightly concerned. I try to tug on the leaves that are attached to his arm hair. No! No!

Torbek is sorry! Torbek is sorry! I think you'll start calling me the Green Man. What? I think I will become the King of the Fae, looking like this. At least I'm less confused now. Ugh.

Andy's dead. Andy's dead. Torbjorn! Yes, Kriggan? From one Goblin to another, how do I look? Well, you look considerably worse off than before, but probably still better than Torbjorn. So I'd say you're doing all right. Oh, gosh.

Which one of these do I have to steal to get sucked to hell? Well, I think if you steal anything, you'll get sucked to hell, Tolbert. It's obviously not what we want at all. Yeah, I think actually that goblin has offered you all the clothes, so... I'm not for Torbeng. And I just begin to go through and see if I can find what would fit me. Roll a d100.

I got a 58.

And of all the things you find, the only thing that looks like it's going to fit you is a Playboy bunny outfit with very large ears. Guys? Fishnet type. Little cuffs. The hair is just pouring out. You can't even see that. Well, this is the only thing.

that fits Torbeck's. Oh yeah, it's a funny joke. Yeah, it's a funny joke. Gideon, will you please tighten my bra? Yeah, yeah. Oh wow, that's really jammed straight up your ass, Greg. Let's see if I can... Ouch. I think Torbeck is in.

Oh, my God.

I can't breathe. Oh my god, I'm so glad you rolled that. Funny joke. I don't think Andy can play at this table anymore. Well, fuck.

We were gonna invite you back next week, but I think you just need to go home. Well, that's very Torbeck of me. What were we even doing? Oh, yes, you were donning your bunny costume. So you just finished donning your bunny costume, and it was the only thing you could find in the trunk that would fit you. But it's on. It's a little pulled up into your ass. You definitely have a fedgie, a fur wedgie. Yeah.

You know what, guys? We is not even stealing. I feel like we should... It's guys night. We should all...

"Oh, wear a costume, so that Torbek doesn't feel so out of place in his lovely outfit." "Oh, I mean, I'm covered in fangs and also my eyes are puffy. But also wear a costume." Graco makes a good point, though. Torbek initially was uncomfortable, but now it just feels right. "This better not awaken something in Torbek."

- Torbett got the body hottie. - I'm gonna dive into the costume chest and look for something that fits me. - Am I still wasted? - You are all, you're all at least drunk. I would say you're not so wasted you can't function anymore, but you're still on, yeah, I would say you're on everybody else's level and you're slowly sobering up. Roll a d100, you little scamp.

Are we... 72. Is this like a disguise for the show so they don't recognize us, or...? No, it's good! It's good as night! Crammy? We're gonna be a little watered-down prank, just a joke, you know? Jorbek has removed "no" from his vocabulary.

to everything that comes Torbeck's way. I know it's gonna be the last night, you know what I mean? This is not at all what you're going to expect, but you find an egg costume. It is the shell of an egg, but it is oddly painted with scenes of human misery and disturbing detail. This is perfect.

No!

What is... What is... Hang on! What's painted on the costume? You have all these options. That's what you chose? Oh, yes. I mean, mass execution. Look at the family pestilence on the back. That's a pretty horrible costume. Graco, you're really harsh in Torbeck's buzz.

Well, I mean, there's only like a good number of corpses on Sparks. Yeah, look, I'm gonna see what they raise. Let me take a look. Oh, look at the starving children! You can see their ribs! Yeah, well, I'm not gonna be the only one not in a costume on Boys Night, so I'll grab one as well. 78. Oh, God. Boys Night. Boys Night, you know what I mean? Boys Night Out.

That's right. Why is the dungeon master laughing? You find a costume and it's a costume of a woman who's been recently murdered.

This is getting dark. Can we walk around in these? I need some spirit gum to apply this on. It does come with a silicone breastplate. And there's blood all down the front of my silicone bosom. It's a masterpiece. You know, Tomek, you can fly. Let's do this. Okay.

I don't know, it's like a Jessica Rabbit, it's like total sequins, sparkling.

I look all the way down to like your calf. There's a big slit up the side for my leg. You are very striking, Mr. Cremmy. Why'd I do that, gentlemen? I guess you are a bit of a tall, thin number. This outfit, Gideon, isn't going to fit you very well. It's similar to the cake shed outfit where it's just a little bit too small. But it is clearly a go-go dancer's outfit that is designed to look like a very flamboyant peacock.

Hey, guys, I'm an egg. Oh, well. Guys, I'm an egg. Look at this. I think this is going to fit perfectly. I'm almost in it. Oh, man.

Can't wait to flunk these feathers, you know what I mean? This is why Torbek can never have nice things. Why? Just when Torbek thinks that he gets ahead, here comes Gideon. LAUGHTER

We did this for you. Yeah. We did this for you. You're the good guy. You're the good guy. Oh, I fell over. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

I slip on giant yellow go-go boots up past my knees.

Well, I feel a little bit out of place. First, we're ready for the big time. I feel like I need to change. Hold on, I'm just going to see if they have anything a little more fitting. I just don't want to be out of place. I mean, I do like being an egg and human misery is kind of funny. I get a little grim when I drink, which is why they call me Grim Grin. I'm just going to do one more little look-see, you know what I mean?

Oh, he's wearing the body of a murdered lady. My throat was cut in the back alley.

- Oh. - 10. - Okay. - Right? - I look like he closed me up in a cage. I'm gonna dance to Technicolor lights and have a really great time. - So you did get 10? - I have a lot of drugs. I get a little cup balls, I kind of, "Scars not!" You know what I mean? - You find an outfit of a, what is very clearly a cloth rag doll that is skewered with needles. - It's a little macabre.

I'm gonna keep looking. Is that a kind of fabric? I'm too handsome. Yeah, I think. I mean, I don't know. I'm gonna keep looking. Yeah, I know. 94. Oh, boy.

It's a little macabre for me. I'm gonna have to shimmy. It's gonna take me a while. The costume of a taxidermied mouse. Perfect! Perfect!

I'm gonna go behind the privacy curtains. I can't breathe, I'm gonna go home. I'm going to... You all right back there?

You need some help? You need some help? A gig can go help. Oh, no! He's a big, strong man. He can just rip you out of that thing. Oh, yeah. I might not look like it right now, hence the boots and the fishnets and these fancy sunglasses. It doesn't have those muscles, though. Yeah. I can rip that egg right off you. Oh! Oh! I forgot!

I have the powers of the spirits. You're going to see a flash of blue from behind. You're going to hear the eggs you just drop on the ground. You're going to hear the skittering of some sort of insectoid creature. And then a flash of blue and then...

I'll see, I'll truffle around and I'll step out and it's just the mouse costume from Mean Girls. - Ah, Gricko. - But like, I have like giant like googly eyes for like really badly taxidermy. And like they're stitching, yeah, for glass eyeballs. I'm a mouse, see my ears, duh. It's perfect.

And your eyeballs are still swollen. Your body suit is hugging your enormous hog.

I suppose it is. I suppose it is. It's a bit obscene. I was always cool with you before, but I hate kids and animals, and that's definitely a hog.

I would just like it to be known that so far you've been turned down for a meeting, walked into a big top, and put on outfits. And that's the extent of what's happening.

This car's not. This car's not. It's just a prank. I mean, you know, we don't really like wearing anything. It's just a prank. They can't hold it against you, but so on. This is a joke. This is a joke if you're lying. How does my hair look? Squeak, squeak.

It's not weird if you're good at it. Exactly. That's actually true, though. It's not weird if you're good at it. It's not weird if you own it, you know what I mean? I'm a little, little, stitchy mouse with my glass eyes. Well, you know what they say. These boots were made for walking. So where are we going next? Only the end of the show, don't they? Oh. Did you want to stay in your costume?

What do you mean? Well, look for something a little bit sexier, Kremi. I mean... It's God's knife. It's a little macabre, don't you think? I'd take a look. It's a little macabre. I thought it was perfect, but if you guys are judging me, I'll be jealous about my ass again. I mean, it does look kind of nice. Come on, Kremi, show some leg. I mean, look at this big... I mean, no, it's kind of nice, actually. No, I like it. The blood kind of goes with my... Stick my leg out. Uh, 57. 57. Did somebody get that one? Uh...

I have 58. I had 58. Roll it again. 86. Ooh, good number. Where do you get these tables? That's what I just... From the deepest, darkest pits of hell. Where I will soon be sunk. I can't do that because it has more to do with rats. 50.

I don't want them if they're too close, you know? Yeah, yeah, that's... Yeah. I feel like Big Titty Murder Lady's fine. Why do you keep... To me, that's pretty close. I can roll a game. Night T. I will see what that one is, but you might do the one that you just rolled.

I'm just rouging. What do you think? The costume of a glass jar containing a weird bit of flesh floating in pickling fluid. The other one was a... Sorry, Elise. A dead scarab beetle.

I think you should keep it to that lady. Stick with the murdered lady. I mean, it's quite impressive that the costume designer was able to convey pickling me. I mean, that's quite a nice flashback. What do you think? What show do you think calls for, you know, whatever kind of mouse you are, a flesh in a pickling jar. Dead Scarabino. Oh, my name is Taxi Jack.

A murdered lady and a go-go dancer. What play is this? A peacock go-go dancer. A peacock go-go dancer. It's a good look. And a Playboy bunny. And a Playboy bunny. Oh, and you forgot Torbeck again. You really just disappear into the scenery. Amazing. You're both big. You literally go invisible if you stand still. I'm very stealthy.

Okay, I feel far too sober for guys now. What do you think? I mean, I feel very silly and sexy and I want to not think about the reality to that. So let's get a little more drinks. I could use another drink. Torbeck's starting to feel the pain again.

- Let's get shot! - Let's get shot! - Let's get sauntered. - You make your way out. Nobody even, - I'm still using my cane. - Nobody second guesses you. They knew that you were going in to change into your costumes. You get a couple of strange looks as you walk away or people are like, "That's really what they're wearing." I mean, I guess that's the show that's happening. Is this a new show? Maybe we should check it out. I mean, God, did you see the hog on that gum?

- Oh, I pick up. Oh, Pixie's gonna have some taffy. I hope it tastes like banana. - They ignore you as you make your way out into the tent. The show still hasn't started and the people that are preparing for it don't even look at you because they know that you're not part of the show. But you are able to spot the Pixie with the drinks as she is flitting about on the other side of the big top.

Another round, please. Oh, you were talking to me? Yeah, if you don't mind. What are you even wearing? Now Torbeck is definitely Bodacious T. Oh! Bodacious T? Why are you wiggling your eyebrows at me like that? Oh, I'm Tempting T. I mean, this is Bodacious T.

Wait, are we coming up with other names? Yeah! Two course modes, please! I'm finding myself oddly attracted to you in that outfit. Torbeck is also attracted to Bodacious Tea. Oh. Are you seeing anyone currently?

Well... I don't know who's your true friend. It's a bit complicated. No, it's your best gal. That's what it goes. Well, she is made of cardboard. Well, that's what I'm made of cardboard. Clementine!

Torrentia. Just because she's maybe a little on the flatter side. They have a wooden push and alley. It's not nice to call her a cardboard. Oh, she's dumb and flat-chested. That's what you meant by being a cardboard. Yeah, that's not very nice. He's happily betrothed to Clementine. I could be dumb and flat-chested.

if that's your thing. Oh, well, maybe meet Bodacious T after the show for a little something extra. What side of the carnival do you want to meet on? Are you going to bring your friends or are you going to come alone? Oh, well, uh, it's the north side of the carnival. Okay, yeah, I'll meet you on the north side. I get off in, like,

I don't know, 15 minutes if you'll be there then. And she winks. Torbjorn will be there in 15, north side of the carnival. And then her shift ends in 30, if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I can have a...

Yeah, I can have Peony take care of the drinks for the next round. I mean, if you're not busy, that's fine. Well, first we must have our next round because we're beginning to feel very silly. Oh, okay. I'm feeling a little silly, too. Like, I had some giggle water, but I didn't because I don't drink on the job. But I could if you wanted me to. Anyway, what do you want? I'll take giggle water, whatever that is. Make it two. No, we don't have that here. We just have the alcohol. Oh.

We'll have the fruitiest, lightest, pinkest thing you have, four of them, please. Okay, you want a love suck, sure. Oh! Is that okay, or a couple extra steaks? Oh, yeah. And the drink, if you want that. It's like a succubus drink, you know? Oh, uh, audacious tea will take one. Taxidermy will take one, too. Oh, right, you want one or two?

Well, I guess we'll stick with one. Oh, all right. Okay, okay. I don't want to have to mother have this. She hands it to you, but she like grazes her little tiny pixie hand across your hand. I'll see you in 15, big boy.

- And then she hands the rest of you your drinks. - A stiletto will take one, please. - Oh! - Get it? 'Cause my throat was cut in the back alley with the dagger. - Oh! - I thought you meant the stilettos that she was wearing. - Oh, double entendre. - Oh, I like your shoes. Are those Christian Lacroix? - I don't know what that means. - Are they Louboutins? - I mean, I could check. - Oh, they've got the red sole. They're definitely loose.

Oh, well, is that good or bad? That's really good. You want to make sure you show the bottom of your shoes at all times. It's how you can get some of them in Ikea. I've never done it myself. Oh, it's just a joke. It's just a joke. It's just all fine now. We're doing this. We're just all going to the wild. I hear it. I hear it.

It's all ironic. It's just very ironic. It was a dare, you know? Okay, well, you guys enjoy your drinks. Remember, don't drink them too fast. Well, be careful. All right, we'll see you in 15 minutes. I don't think I can flow with the swelling.

All right, toast, toast. Okay. To the greatest. And she flits away quickly. You can see she's going somewhere to change. Oh, you want to make a toast? Go ahead. Oh, if you don't mind. Torbeck doesn't get guys night out very often. You know, British Nights about you. Yeah, bodacious tea, come on. Come on, in that outfit? Let's go. Wouldn't it be funny if Frost never came back? No, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm less. Hey, I'll drink today. Get over here, shoulder.

What are you not supposed to say about our best lad Frosty? It's not a funny joke, but he's just teen. Torbeck was just kidding. Torbeck didn't mean to ruin the mood. Why don't you tell something nice and proper to your betrothed, lovely, beautiful Clementine? Yes. Here's to my lovely, betrothed Clementine, and certainly not that...

Oh, Clemmy! Oh, Clemmy! Now, for the first time, I'm viewing my betrothed in a completely different light. Anyway... Clemmy, Clemmy! It's a guy's night. It's a guy's night! It's ironic. God knows! There's an announce of seriousness.

Wait, why do they call it flammy clemmy? That cardboard doesn't dry out very well. Not with you around, Bodacious T. That doesn't dry out one bit. Oh, no.

I'm actually cramping. I might piss myself. I think I've lost sight in my left eye. If I black out, just keep playing. That's producer Rick if I've ever heard him. Okay.

- Oh, now I feel no less weird about being on your shoulders. - I'm gonna explain something though. I was literally like, you know, I feel really bad for Torbek. So I'm gonna roll on an attraction meter for this pixie. And unless, I have to get a natural 20, otherwise she's not interested. And I rolled fucking natural 20. So I'm like, she's gotta be interested. She's gotta be. Those are the rules I set for myself. - It's all downhill from here. - It's right here, beautiful natural 20. - Wow. - Yes.

What do we do for 15 minutes? I guess Taught Bodacious T is gonna abandon God's Knights like he doesn't understand the difference. Oh no, no. Krikko, you misunderstand. No, no, I'm Taxidermy, thank you very much. Taxidermy, Torbek apologizes. First off, Torbek doesn't know which way north is. Second of all, did you see the way that that pixie touched Torbek's hand?

She's clearly just setting me up for the fall. I would never abandon the guys on guys night. Oh, you're right. It probably was a sick joke that all of her friends were going to laugh at. Yeah, so in order to get the laugh first, Torbeck just sent her in a random direction. Come on, boys. Come on.

You know, that's a great way to approach your future. It isn't self-sabotaging at all. You don't need therapy. Let's go. Let's go, lads.

Are you sure? I mean, this is it. This is your one shot. Yeah, you definitely won't hook up with anybody after this. She had a roll of 20 on there. That's only 5% off. Think, think, Torbeck. Torbeck's never been more sure of anything in Torbeck's life. The barometric pressure in the air you drop when she chucks your hand. Torbeck just wants to dance.

You're gonna kill Rich!

Oh, we're just gonna dance with the girls, I mean guys, it's guys night. We just wanna dance with the, yeah, no, we don't need to worry about any girls, come on. Okay, we got Bodacious T, we got Taxi Dermy, we got Stiletto, okay. - Fifi Nicks. - Oh! - Fifi Nicks? - Fifi Nicks, you know, if I flame up, I'm gonna set these wings ablaze. - Oh, like fire fire. - Yeah, well, look at it, getting a little hot in here, you know?

"Oh, it's ironic, it's ironic." "Oh my gosh, if you line up with those feathers you're going to look like a brilliant phoenix." "Okay, now this is what it's doing this ironically in Felix Wielbeck." "Torbek isn't enjoying this at all."

We just need to dance. We should dance around here. This is your day. We got a few options here. We can do the snail race and I pulled them out. We got snail race and we got the mystery mine. Ooh, very mysterious. We got the pixie kingdom. We got bubble pop teapot. That's about all. We're not going to go north in case we run into that pixie. So we're going to stay out here on the south side of the carnival. That's for the

Um, well, uh,

Have you guys been to the Pixie Kingdom yet? It sounds like they might throw a good party. Let's do it. Okay. Don't mention I love unicorns. Let's continue. Duly noted. You make your way out of the carnival, or out of the Big Top, and you make your way down towards the southern side of the carnival. This is your first time being in this area of the carnival. And you're...

No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

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You have just left the Big Top and you're making your way towards the Pixie Kingdom. This is the first time you've been on this side of the carnival and you're surprised by the differences. Whereas the other half of the carnival, the thoroughfare was lined with different sweet shops and food stands and things. What you find on this side is actually different.

quite different. You find quite a few small stalls that contain different snacks and things: blue frosted cupcakes, candied apples on a stick, euphoria cookies, saucer-sized cookies dusted with particles of fairy dragon euphoria gas, evening berry wine, a sweet non-alcoholic drink,

Fairy Bell Nectar harvested from Fairy Bell flowers. Pixie Tarts, powdered candy in little cups. Sugar glazed button mushrooms. With a caution, may cause hypnosis. Tree sap lollipops. The rest of the stalls offer games.

Each one at the cost of one ticket punch, but there are things such as: Almirage Ring Toss, Catch the Dragon by the Tail, Gnome Poetry Contest, Goblin Wrestling, Guess the Number of Feathers, and Out Stare the Cyclops. Oh shit, they got games!

- Okay, gosh not, game not. - Again, you think they're as rigged as the ones you made? - Nah, it couldn't possibly be that. - They don't charge for ice here, Crammy, so I think they're probably not rigged. - That's what I'm thinking. - I can recognize a rigged game from pretty far away. - Maybe we do a little bit of inspecting for the next time we resurrect the carnival and get some ideas. - Yeah, see how it's going. I mean, we gotta get ourselves a Cyclops, obviously. - Zorbek, may we sidebar here?

Yes, I didn't mean to overhear. Torbeck didn't mean to overhear, but Mr. Kremi, if you do get the carnival back together, please keep Torbeck in mind for gainful employment. Well, he never broke your back fixing the Harris wheels, is that what you call them? The Harris wheels that get designed, I mean. And the rides didn't have seatbelts, so when the people got thrown out of them, you'd climb those trees pretty well and get them right back down. That's right. As you're having this conversation, you hear...

Mom, why is his butt out? Oh, Lisa, don't look. Yeah, shut up, kid. Fucking kid. Don't look at his ass cheeks. The happiness meter down by one. As Gideon screams at this child. Yeah, fuck off, kid. Oh, I, uh.

Well, okay. Torbeck will allow you to have your sign bar. Torbeck will walk over here. Oh no, you guys already covered it. I was going to ask Crummy, once we resurrect Carnival and crew, we could, you know, invite Torbeck back. Oh, good. Torbeck, I'm starting to like you. You know what the best part about you is?

Torbek can't begin to guess. You don't mind getting paid in IOUs? There's nothing better than that, so you know what? As soon as we do, you're high. You'll be our first employee. That is a great relief off Torbek's shoulders. We have a whole lot of magical adventure to go on, though, in the Feywild, so it might be a while.

Yeah, don't wait up for us. I mean, you get five games for employment like right now if you're going to be a family man and support Clementine. Torbeck supposes Gringo's right.

And if all goes well... You're as red as Gideon right now. If all goes well, we'll join the fairies of court and we'll never work a day in our lives and we'll drink enchanted wine. Just have a good old time. You know what I mean? If that happens, can Torbeck finally take off this costume? Torbeck's beginning to be able to taste his own thong. LAUGHTER

- It's probably one of the better tasting. - Torbjorn is sad because Gideon's right. - Let's play some games. - Come on, start. What are we playing, fellas? What are we playing? - Okay, once again, your choices are the Ol' Mirage Ring Toss.

Catch the dragon by the tail. All right. I know what an Omurage is. Gnome poetry contest. I don't want to do that. Goblin wrestling. Guess the number of feathers and out stare the cyclops. Wait, what? Wait, did she say wrestling? I was just going to say. Omurage! Oh my goodness!

- Ah, he's so cute, come on fellas. We're gonna do the rain toss first. - What the fuck is an armorized? - Oh, it is a cute little bunny-like creature with, Crammy, a horn. - It is basically a unicorn bunny. - It does not look like a unicorn. - A unicorn bunny? - A unicorn bunny! - That's the best kind of bunny, let's go! - It is the best kind of bunny. Oh, I cannot believe they have one here. I have not seen one in the flesh. I've only heard of stories. Let's go!

- Do you mind if we can do this some later? - Yeah, let's go. - Okay, fine. - You quickly make your way in your outfits. You do get some attention from the people milling about, but most people find you quite entertaining. And outside of the child that you screamed at, the...

You don't seem to be deterring the mood of the carnival at this point. I'm a little bitch. Fucking kid. Fucking kid. Look at Torbett. Handsome figure. He strikes. Tell him to put his ass cheeks away. This isn't a fucking fairy carnival. God damn it. Who the fuck

What's a kid doing here? Piece of shit. You tell him, kid. Fuck all these kids. Torbjorn's got one night only. It's a little guy's night. You guys know how a kid shows up, starts mouthing off. Put your ass cheeks away. Put your ass cheeks away. That phone's so far away, you can probably taste it.

Don't fuck around! Doesn't that child know that it is all ironic? And it's just guys now. What if I'm fucking drunk in a child circus in drag? What the hell is that, man? It's ironic! The stupid kid, where's he get off? Or she? I don't even know anymore. Torbjorn is just happy to be included. Okay, four for the Omerogs toss, please. Do we actually see them? Oh my holy...

That doesn't sound like there's any kind of deep-seated question. That was beautiful. Oh, listen. You don't need therapy either, Gideon. It's just Gar's knife. It's Gar's knife. I'm sure you don't have any unresolved issue with your own parents. So you make your way to the Almaraz ring toss. Okay!

You make your way to the Amaraj ring toss and you see this beautiful stall where at the very center of it, you do see this really adorable chestnut brown bunny sitting perched on top of a

a countertop. It's beautiful gold spiraled horn pointing straight up to the sky. It's little eyes, just absolutely freaking adorable. I'm just gonna show you what this looks like, sorry. - Oh my gosh.

Wait is it would you classify it as an animal? Yeah, it's a real one. I hate it Oh

Well, I mean, it depends on how you define animal. I don't know. How do you think the Feywild defines animals? When you get horribly cursed, they ain't animals. Oh, I forgot you used to have that. Well, animals are kids. I said to remember which ones you had held over from last week. And my skin is pink.

- Oh, man, you really are. - Beep, beep, nix. - Beep, beep, nix. - Yes, I am. - Yes, you are. - I totally forgot. - Well, even though they're not real Almarages, they look, oh man, that is a great carving. I wonder who did that? - No, it's a real Almarage. - Oh, it is? Oh, my goodness. - Oh, they're so beautiful. Look at how beautiful and cute they are. - And as you make your way up to it, you see a small female goblin.

Hi, welcome to the All Mirage Ring Toss. This All Mirage is no mirage. Adorn its horn with two or three rings to win a prize. I said, I would like to try, please.

Go inside. No, I can't.

This is a joke. It's really, hello, Miss Lady. This is just a joke. But it's okay, Bodacious Tea. You're first up for the ring toss. Look how cute they are. This homage is no mirage. A door gets horned with two or three rings to win a prize.

Oh, all right. Well, do we have to get our tickets punched? Yeah, yeah, it's one punch per toss. You're all playing? Yeah, we're all playing. It's college time, we all gotta play all the games! Torbek didn't realize that there might be a limit to the fun. Oh, we'll just buy more.

We're guessing you can buy more, we don't really know. Oh, this fills Torbac with existential dread. We still have seven more, right? Torbac's not so sure. I don't think the white prince can consume my witches.

We lost Torbjorn. Oh, the pink girl. Oh, God, it's that little... It's Scab-a-faw Newt. Torbjorn has a deep, horrible feeling. He's made a grave mistake. Ha ha ha!

You're one of those adventurers who just stockpiles all the potions and never uses one because you think that you're going to have to save it for later. It's an analog to Torbeck's life. Or maybe that means you should take more risk.

Anyways. This all mirage is no mirage. Adorn its horn with two or three rings to win a prize. Okay, how do we play? Oh, here are your three rings and she hands each of you a set of three rings. On the mouse. All right. See my ears? Did you see my ears? Duh.

Okay. Um, you'll toss the rings and if you get two or three rings, you win a prize. Tormek is ready. I look at the rings. How do you think this is rigged? What do you think? Well, the problem's not using the monkey arm.

So remember how at our carnival we made the rings very slightly elliptical shaped and the pegs very slightly elliptical shaped and it's ever so slightly wider than the rings. So it was absolutely possible to have a good one on. It was just good design. Fantastic. Good design philosophy. They never landed.

- Well, let's see. - I feel like this is big enough to land on that cute little outhouse. - And as you get the rings, all of your fake curses fade away from you as you all sober up. - What the fuck am I wearing? - Tormek is sad again.

I'll look down. It's where your hog had been is now just a flaccid sack of-- See, I can replace Derek. You better watch your ass, buddy. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for your job. Fuck. Ugh.

Let me just...clunk...just tuck it all back. Okay. So all the ones from last time? From last session? Yeah, so you're no longer pink, you're no longer...you no longer kids and animals. It's just a prank.

Just a guy's nectarine. No, the outfits are not. That was the alcohol. I miss my egg. You're gonna have to go one at a time. Tormek is ready to go. Okay.

It's his last knock on the line. Go ahead and step up towards the Almirage. Get your toes at the line, but no further. Toss one ring first. Then the next. Then the next. One ring gets you nothing. Two gets you one prize. Three gets you two. Ooh.

Alright, here we go. And Torbek will attempt to throw the first one. Roll a dexterity check for me, please.

So just add my... Oh, here comes Bodacious T, look at this. Oh, in true Torbek fashion, Torbek gets an eight. Wow, that's really sad. You didn't even get close to the Amaraj. Go ahead and throw the next one. Torbek knows and throws the next one. Come on, Torbek.

- A 24. - Oh my God. You were able to hit the Almaraz in the head with that very heavy metal ring. It probably has a concussion now, but you'll get one prize.

Nice work! What has Tormek done? Well, you may have killed it, but... No, no, no. We can't kill these things! Oh, yeah. No! It's sturdy. It's been hit in the face a lot today. Go ahead and throw your next ring. Are you sure how Tormek is done with this? And throws the last one.

- Oh, that sucks. So close, but it bounced off. One roll on the prize table though. If you'd like to win something, roll a d8. - Oh, well, I suppose. - Didn't you only get one? - Oh, you only got one? - Yeah, you didn't get anything. - Oh, I'm sorry. I'm actually kidding. - This is very twisted.

This is really sad to say, but you win nothing. Who's next? Wait, are you sure? I mean, it's Gaznak. It's Gorgon. Come on. Let me think. No. Who's next? Torbac just doing Torbac things.

And all you hear is the clicking of my heels as I walk away from the booth. And I stand like behind Garicka and I'm just like towering over him in my head. It's about at this point that you hear a loud wailing cry and the entire mood of the carnival drops by one. Oh, god. The wheels are falling off!

I want you all to roll an intelligence, no, a perception check. That's a little better. Yeah, perception's fine. Even if it's not right. Ooh, perception you say. Do the 25, do the trick, Dungeon Master. Another natural 20. Plus four is a 24. 16. Torbec is wallowing in grief with an eight. Greco, Kremi.

It takes a moment, but it becomes very clear that this is, you're surprised by the noise that this pixie can clearly make. Because it has been about 20 minutes since Zorbak left and never showed up to the spot at the north. And she is crying and wailing in sadness as she's been stood up. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, that's probably nobody of relevance. Let's keep playing. Yeah, no. Oh, gosh, no. Gosh, no. Gosh, no. Zorbak doesn't even hear it. He is completely imperceptive. Who's next? I mean, Torbak? Torbak. I don't remember his name. Oh, no, his name was Lurky. Oh, yeah, Lurky. This homerage is no longer.

- Okay, okay. - A torn and torn with two or three rings to win a prize. - Keep walking it back. All right, I'm up. I'll throw it. - Dexterity, check. - Just plus this? - Just plus straight dex. - All right, I got a five. - You got a five? - Yeah.

That is unfortunate. For someone as strong as you are, you were unable to get the ring even close to the Almaraj. Well, I just, you know, missed it a little bit. Just over there, but I'm just warming up, okay? Come on, Gia, you're better than this. Ten.

There's really no point in you even throwing the third one. I'm gonna throw the third one. At this point, you can't even win a prize. Well, I landed the third one, so. How do you know? I don't actually. Well, maybe I'm looking with my eyes, but 20?

Wow, you were able to land the third ring. What a shame that you can't win a prize and you just wasted all of our time. Well, how about this though? I won one. Hey, you still got one, Gideon. Lurkey won one. What if we combine that to a two? You let him roll on the prize table. That's a two. Let me think about that for a minute.

Come on. No. All right. Who's going next? I'm gonna win this cup of coffee. Okay, Cremie, you're up. Go, Cremie. I'm a keen eye, here we go. You love unicorns and unicorn bunnies are very similar. All right. I'm gonna throw them all three kind of like quickly into session and I'll just roll all three at once. Go ahead and throw your first, second, third, go ahead and throw them all at the same time. Sure, that's gonna work out well for you. Hold up, hold up. Let's do one more right here.

That's pretty good. Did I redeem us? Let's see. Dex, you say? That is a 21, a 16, and a 20.

Wow, you were able to get two rings onto the amourage by throwing them all at the same time. I think that might be cheating, but I don't really want to look. So congratulations. You get this prize. Go ahead and roll a d8. Hey! Oh!

- It would figure that Mr. Kremi, the smartest person I know would succeed. - Oh, Stiletta. - The three. - Oh my, yes, Stiletta. - Wow, this is so exciting for you. You have won a packet of pixie dust.

This is a wondrous item and uncommon. As an action, you can sprinkle this dust on yourself or another creature you can see within 5 feet of you. The recipient gains a flying speed of 30 feet, and

ability to hover for one minute. If the creature is airborne when this effect ends, it falls safely to the ground, taking no damage and landing on its feet. A small packet holds enough pixie dust for one use. Wait, I can only use it one time?

- Yes. - You think it's a D&D Beyond? - Yes, 'cause we own Witchlight and D&D Beyond. - Hey, I got it, Pixie does! Oh my goodness! Okay, you cute little armorages, I hope I don't give you concussions. I'm gonna try to throw it as lightly as possible.

Who's next? This is all, this all mirage is no mirage. Dorn its horn with two or three rings to win a prize. Okay. Gosh, if only Hootie was here. No.

Oh yeah, whatever happened to that? I still have a pumpkin, by the way. I'll just, we don't need a real plate, it's fine. Okay. One, two, three. Three. Oh, well. You know what? I'm not gonna twist. Greco, pull the tour back. It's a nine. Wow. How funny.

The weird petrified mouse wasn't able to get the ring on the unicorn bunny. I'm a weird petrified sexy bunny. Let's give it another shot, you old... Okay, here we go. Oh, 17.

Wow, just barely. It clipped the horn and could have easily fallen off, but instead it spun around and landed. Congratulations. What a mix of emotions from our wonderfully generating narrator. Okay, Greco, don't mess up the last one. Okay, that's what we're speaking to her and talking about. Okay, I'm going to do a little twist. I'm going to do a little bit of, okay, wah!

Uh-oh. Torbeck's seen this before. Uh-oh. Wow, you missed. Who would have thought? We're all surprised. Aww. Thanks for playing. Enjoy the witch-like carnival. Buh-bye now. Aww.

Wow, okay. Well, that was fun. At least one of us was skilled enough to get a ride. Oh, at least we got to see some cute homeroges. Guy's night out is less fun when you're sober. I'm feeling a little silly, pal. Oh, the irony is quickly melting. You'll see a... Oh, God.

It's too ironic. It's too ironic.

- I do feel this is a little tight. And I'm starting to become untucked. - I'm not sure what I was thinking. - Yeah, tonight's "Advantress and Chill" is actually called "Advantress Untucked." - Oh my God. - You'll see a flash of blue and then a blue glowing spirit of mirage will be where I was. - Come on, Gregor, is that you?

Oh man, look at how cute you are. I love unicorns. And I love unicorn rabbits and I love unicorn goblin rabbits. Do you have any like stuffed, those things? Can I buy one? You cannot buy one. You have to win. Would you like to punch your ticket for another chance? You're saying I can win?

stuffed animal that looks like one of those things? Yes. Please. The game kind of sucks. Don't let her. How many punches do you have? I got two left. Look, all I need is one more. You have to be careful. Same strategy again. Oh, fuck.

- A 19, a 13, and a six. - You're able to get one of the rings on top of the Almirage and she looks down and says, "Wow, how anticlimactic. "You went from winning once to winning not at all. "Thank you for your time, goodbye." - My ears will go back.

That's one of the cutest things Torbek has ever seen.

And so wait, what are the consequences if I steal one? Hmm. You get sucked to hell! That's pretty good, Gideon! What world do you live in? Well, I mean, we saw the gnome guy get sucked to hell through a mirror by a pig. Did he enjoy it?

Well, actually, it kinda looked like it did. Yeah, but... Tormek doesn't see the problem here! I didn't hear him complaining, you know what? You are making a strong point. Wait, so... You might steal one of those unicorns and get sucked straight to hell through a mirror. Oh, maybe find Hootsie! Maybe this is how we get Hootsie back. So you wanna get sucked to hell, don't you?

Who doesn't? Look, you're one of the stealthiest fellas I've ever met. Why don't you steal one of those beautiful plush rabbit unicorn veins? I'll shift back into Gricko form. What could possibly go wrong? You could not get sucked to hell. Aww.

And I will guarantee... I can hear everything you're saying. If you really want to stuff Almaraj, they are one of the prizes available at every single one of the game booths. You roll on the same table no matter what game you play. Hot dog! Well, we could win that wrestling one pretty easily. Or, worst case scenario, we steal from someone who didn't hear Torbeck's plan. LAUGHTER

I mean, have you seen Torbjörn Stihl? He's very good. - Oh, we're not gonna come back under cover of darkness. Don't worry. - No, no, no. - Well, it was very nice. We appreciate your energetic commentary. Goodbye, little Amarages. Goodbye. Uncle Bricka will miss you. - Can I pet one? - You can ask it and see if it will jump to you. - Oh, me ought to.

Can I just give you a little pet? A little unicorn bunny? Roll an animal handling check. Oh, fuck. Not persuasion? I'm not persuading this? I will say you can roll at advantage because you are genuinely entranced by it.

- It's wisdom, right? That's 13. - Yeah. You look and you see that it bats its fluffy eyelashes and you see that it starts to tap its little toes and then it quickly jumps into your arms and starts snuggling into you. - Oh, that's cute. - Oh, can I pet one too? What's your name, fella? - It chirps.

Oh, Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep. Oh, that's a little bit of a meme. Oh, Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep. All right. You call him Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep? Is that a show for Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep William?

Pretty good. Oh, me, me, me, me, me, Will. Oh, can't call you me, me, me, me, me, Bill. Oh, fuck my head! Oh, what would you throw? I was holding the overwatch. Ow! Throw what? A ring was a bit in my going towards the horn. Oh, did you throw a ring at him?

Yeah! I thought I was just working on what's happening right now. I threw a ring at him and you know. You're lucky you didn't die! Yeah, you drop the Amarash on the ground, it dies. No, I would have held him. I'm just kidding. I would have let my whole hand break before I dropped the Amarash. I'm sorry, Meme. At least it didn't hit you, Meme William.

Be free! Back to your imprisonment. It hops back onto the counter and then jumps back over to its spot. I'm glad I brought the cheap belt. We'll save you. Alright, let's play to our relative strengths from now on. We're all gonna do everything. Well, just based on how that went, Torbeck thinks that was probably Torbeck's best chance. laughter laughter laughter laughter

You do have very long arms, and I'm surprised you... Why did you just reach out your giant arms and just drop it onto the Omuraj? Tinkerbeck is now painfully aware of how freakishly long his own fingers are. You could have just extended your arm and just dropped it very daintily. One of the rules was not to go past the lines. But your arm could go past it, you just closed it. With your feet? Yeah.

Do you realize that you are able to reach ten feet? Torbjorn relies on Mr. Kremi for the idea. Torbjorn relies on Mr. Kremi for the idea. Well, that's a fair point. He's a good follower. Like you said, he's not a leader. Okay, well, what's our next game for Guys Not? Game Not? Guys Not? Game Not? I told Gabe we'd do wrestling next. Yeah, let's do wrestling. Oh, you know what they call it. It's not just wrestling.

It's Goblin Wrestling. It's Goblin Wrestling. So your day's unnumbered, Fee Fee Nix. Okay. Taxi Dermy is coming for you, Fee Fee Nix. Yeah, okay, Taxi Dermy. Okay, Fee Fee. We're gonna see... Torbek would buy a ticket to that show. I brought so much of that...

That processed slop that they feed at the staff thing, there's so much soil oil all over me. I think it's in a mud pit. I think it's gonna come straight off. Oh, is it? Yeah, we just jumped in the mud. Oh, I'm already greased up!

- Squeak, squeak. - How serendipitous. - You make your way to the goblin wrestling area and you see that there is a very tall and very buff goblin standing on a barrel as he's calling out, "Strong folks, test your mettle in a goblin wrestling game." - That guy's jacked. Holy cow.

You're looking to play? We all are. The four of us. It's guys night. All right, pass me your ticket. And he punches all of your tickets. Oh, wait. I don't know about. Come on.

- Come on, come on. Come on, Toadette. - The rules are as follows. You are introduced to them. A small participant has to pin one goblin, while a medium participant has to pin one goblin while also wrestling two goblins. Winning the game requires a successful athletics check contested by the goblin. Two goblins working together make one check with advantage. - Oh! - What if you're a large creature?

Are you large? He can be. He could be. Often this big fella needs three goblins to take him down. Oh, who said that? I hate your right. What a very austere observation. Certain parts of Gideon are very large. Yeah, most of me. Who was first? Well...

Hey, I'll show you guys how it's done. All right, everyone, gather around. We have the one and only Cake Chad. In the red corner, we have Cake Chad against...

Glorbis, Glingus, Pingus, Dingus, and Mingus. Oh, that's six of them. Glorbis, Pingus, Dingus, and Mingus, and Among Us? Very classic goblin offense. Five goblins? That's six. No, that was five. Didn't you have an uncle named Glorbo? Oh, I did. Remember when you came to visit Uncle Glorbo? I hope he's doing well. He isn't.

What do you mean? You know that, anyway. We'll talk about Uncle Globo. Oh, no.

Just when Torbett thinks things can't get worse... He finds out Gorba's dead. Everything Torbett touches turns to shit. Anyone can have quotes, by the way. Anyone can have quotes. Jesus...

I have to wrestle five goblins? Yeah, so with that, I need you to make a strength check. These are horrible odds. For them. I get it. Do you have a walkie-talkie on you? You're going to need to call the first aid. First aid. Fairies. But not for me. Fairies.

Oh, they got Rocky Talkies over there, you see? All right, I rolled for them. You rolled one athletics check. If I'm going to show five goblins how it's done, I'm going to give them a little bit of the action. And I'm going to gear up my flame powers just a bit. There's certainly no way this can go wrong. Yeah! I mean, boo!

Go goblins! What am I wrong? Athletics? Yes, athletics. Athletics. Yeah. Wait, are you a fan of this? No, I'm not. No, you are. Oh my god.

22. Nice. It's a tie. So we resolve a tie by rerolling. Just stacked goblins. Wait, I don't know. Are they holding to their shoulders? Yeah. Stacked goblins. I just grappled the goblins. Oh!

He's got his arms on my shoulders. You're going down, you stack of goblins. It's the pygmies from World of Warcraft. Oh my god. That's why you got advantage.

Should we twist it? I don't wanna beat the stack. Roll an even hundred for me, please. I felt something I was... 27? Okay. Stack of diamonds. Their center of gravity is like so high it would... Yeah, yeah.

They'd be like a wiggler from Mario. Yeah! It is like a wiggler from Mario! He punched the segments, yeah. I want you... Well, Derek's not here.

You may wonder who it is. You can hear with a supernatural precision. So much so that you can hear into the veil. Mikey, can you be chuckles for me again? I rolled a 25 for my strength check. My athletics check. In the end...

I can hear your goblin heart beat. You're going to, oh, God. No! I know! I haven't seen this many greased-up goblins since Rush Week at Clown Car. Oh, no! How is it even possible I accidentally killed that other clown? What's this? What's this?

- Why can I hear a pin drop and also my greatest nemesis, whose name I didn't even know until two sessions ago. - And you are able to, in your rage at hearing Chuckle's voice, you are able to wrestle these goblins to the ground because you were able to take out five of them when they were able to roll twice at advantage, you get to roll twice on the prize. - Nice. - The prize table. - Oh yeah. - Okay.

It's d8s. Torbjorn always knew Gideon could win. Two. Okay. And eight. Come on, come on. Please. For your two, you win a wooden wand with eight charges. As an action, you can expend one of the wand's charges to cast the Prestidigitation Cantrip. This wand can't be recharged.

As an eight, you get a stuffed Almaraj plushie. - Oh Gideon, Torbek has seen that wand before. Clementine owns one.

Oh, what would a cardboard cutout need with a wand? It moves around a lot and makes noises. She's excited by this? Torbek isn't sure. Yeah, you don't recognize the look? I'll tell you, I'll tell you. You're going to be...

Congratulations. You did it. You finally got there. Gideon really is better than Tom. Well, buddy, I know one young lad who's going to love this Mirage plushie. How about you just...

- Crummy, enjoy this. - Oh! - Yeah, yeah. - Oh my god. - You know, that's for you, buddy. This is a gift in season, we're at the carnival. - I would have very nice if you had given me the spirit. You know, I'm covered in the blood of goblins and wrestling and sweating. - Crummy, you attuned to this cursed item. When you do. I'm just kidding, it's not a cursed item. - Oh! - Oh my god.

- The curse activates when given the purest form. - But the horn is capable of casting the minor illusion cantrip three times a day. - Oh, wow. This is the most gracious thing you've ever done and you've done a lot of things for me. How can I, can I, you wanna trade for it? - When you squeeze it, it makes the squeaky noises.

What was that, the William? William. Get you a man that fights five goblins and wins you a hutchie. That Kremi, that's adorable. It looks just like a love flag. Oh,

Oh, Jenny goes "Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me

Torbek is ashamed to admit for a brief moment he thought Gideon was giving Torbek the plush. And who is up next to fight with the goblins? Do we have Kremi LaCrue, Gricko Grimgrin, or Turkey Lurkey? It's Torbek. No, Gideon. Turkey Lurkey is up next in the brown corner against...

Bongo and Zongo. What's the point? Okay. There may be blood all over you, Gideon, but their open wounds is the least of their worries. With my ghost eyes, I can see they have the silent menace of gingivitis.

They shouldn't have lied to their dentist about flossing. Oh my god, Chuggles, you know what's ironic? Is you wanted to go into taxidermy, my friend here is dressed and named as taxidermy, and I still don't understand a goddamn word you say.

Who the fuck are you talking to? I'm talking to Chuckles. Again? What? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Well, I can hear him. I can also hear into your soul. What? Yeah, I can hear, I don't know, the innards of your soul. I mean, it sounds kind of like... Oh, that's a good one. It's got a little phone sound. Yeah. It does sound like... Well, you know, it does that, like...

Oh, I'm in the jazz! Yeah, I'm in the jazz, yeah. Torbjorn gets scared to ask, like, "Can you hear us?" It sounds like . Yeah, it is kind of depressing, and then there's also all the wails and the gingivitis from those guys. It's got drowning it out, so.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just not picking up on yours quite clearly enough. Oh, that's fair. Yeah. I don't know. Something's going on. There's a pixie out there crying since 15 minutes. Those should be done in four. Oh, Torbeck has to go wrestle.

I jump in the pit. You jump in the pit. Ah, a school bag! You are a-- You have a tool bag! I'm being lurking! You are up against two goblins because you're meeting creatures. I have very long arms, so I'd like to try to use that to like-- Bodacious team! --get to them before they can get to me. I would say you can roll an advantage as well. Thank you. Is it just athletics? Yes, athletics. Oh, Torbeck is proficient.

Which is a 19. You, oddly enough, you get in and you shamble over and with your two arms, you just knock them together, knock them out, and then fall on top of them. Torbek had a lot of pent-up feelings. Torbek might have gone too hard. You do notice that one of them is bleeding out of their ears. Uh-oh.

Doorback's coming back now. And I'll just climb out of the pit. Hey, don't worry, buddy. They got taffy for that. You hear a wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo as a small ambulance of candy striper pixies comes up and on a stretcher they pull out a...

Bongo, Bingo, Bingo. Bingo and Bongo. Oh, what has Torbek done? Torbek will never get gainful employment with a rap sheet. But you are able to roll on the prize table. Hooray! Torbek got a two. You also get a prestidigitation wand.

Oh, a nice gift for a commentator! Yeah, you can finally satisfy him. The old one was getting a little used up. It broke down to almost nothing. Door-- Doorbeck can finally show his face back on. It makes it even funnier that this is a fucking cardboard cutout.

Oh no, Torbeck's wife is real. No. I was filled with...

bunch of emotions and I decided to drown them in whiskey sours and plates of walnut brownies. I gotta stop accidentally killing clowns.

Because then they haunt me and they say really depressing things. Yeah, I mean, are you sure this is like actually chuckles? It might be all in your head. I mean, it could be klutzy. This is becoming kind of like a rap sheet of I actually have a clown kill count written out of my little book here. You know, it could be either one of them. I don't really know what klutzy sounds like. I cut him 600 yards away with a meatball, for God's sakes. Klutzy is here. Ha ha ha!

Oh, no! You will know his voice soon. You will know his wrath even more intimately. Well, I'm not worried about his wrath because he dropped like a house of cards. It's hit by a damn meatball. By striking him down, his clown powers became more powerful than you could even imagine, Gideon.

In death we are one! In death we are strong! In death...

We are the Hog Legion! *laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* *more laughter* * more laughter

Let's just stop adding that. Okay! Good job, Bodacious T and Fifi Mix! It's time for Taxidermy to go Gobbo or Gobbo! And next we have Taxidermy going against Jim! Oh, Jim! I didn't recognize you before the Chrisco all over you! How you doing, lad?

Oh, hey, Greco. What's up, man? Yeah, it's been eight years. I guess I got a campground under the dirt now. It's the rules. I can't wait to win a cool prize. What are you wearing, buddy? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh,

- Oh no, it's a prank. - Oh, I lost a bear. Guys, nah, you know how it is, Jim. You know how it is, Jim. - He taps you on the back, yeah, I do. - Yeah, it's ironic and violent, it's a joke. - It's jokes, we're just gonna put it there. - I've been there, I've had my guys' night. - Yeah, guys, nah, you know, boys will be boys. - You know me, Jim, I'm a party animal. They call me Party Animal Jim.

Oh yeah, well maybe I'm going to meet up with Jerry later. Maybe if you want to join us. Sometimes they call me Jiminal. Oh, the Jiminal. Because of the subliminal messages. Subliminal Jiminal. Yeah, anyway, do you want to wrestle? Yeah, let's do it. It's already weird enough. Let's go.

- Athletics. - Hey, put him in the dirt, but don't look like you enjoy it so much. - Cause we got mud. - Yes. - Get him out of the mud. - Fine. - Get him down on the ground. - This is the most embarrassing thing that you have ever seen. They're pawing at each other,

notice that they start trying to wrestle, but they both kind of like it. And so they're like holding on to each other a little inappropriately. And like Jim starts rubbing Gricko's back and Gricko's like, huh, huh, okay. And eventually they just fall over. And Jim just kind of gives in and lays there while Gricko lays on top of him. I don't know where the Crisco begins and I end. Oh! Oh! Oh, yeah.

"Oh, okay, I'd like my prize, please. "Excuse me, please, thank you." "Oh, Greco, nice job on guys night." Oh, yeah, it was a gosh not. Just Jim's a little out of mind. He's another god. What kind of job that was. You know, a bunch of a gosh not. I guess it was nice. Yeah, it was a good job on a god's night. A careless whisper starts playing in the background.

With that, you can roll on the prize table. - Would I roll a D8? - A D8, yeah. - A six. You know what that is? - You get, you watch as a, you watch as a,

A fairy actually flies over to you. They're larger than pixies. With an apron on, wearing a cute little painter's cap, carrying a palette of paint with a tiny little brush, and begins to apply a single application of magic face paint to you.

You gain the benefit of a disguise self spell that lasts for one hour until you choose to end it. You can turn it on whenever you want to. Oh. Disguise self in what way? It's the disguise self spell. Oh. So the paint goes on and it makes you look like a...

- Can I be a mouse? - Yeah, it makes you look like a mouse, but the moment she's done applying it, it becomes invisible on your face. It is there the moment you activate it, you will have mouse face paint for one hour, but you can disguise yourself however you want to with the spell. - Oh, fair enough. Oh, taxidermy wins! Taxidermy wins! - Yay!

- Good job! - Good job! - Jim slowly like gets up from the ground. You can see like twists to hide his crotch and it was like, but anyway, it was good to see you, Gricko. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He turns and walks away. - I don't look him in the eye. - Yeah, he doesn't look you in the eye either. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it was good to see you. - Good to see you, bro. - Good to see you around. - Good to see you, bro. Just a couple of bros being bros. - Have fun in your guys' night, like totally cool guys' night. Completely, you know, just like platonic friends.

All right, it's time to go, right? Well, before you go, Gideon, is your taxidermied mouse of a friend single? She looks like she was...

From you taxidermied with the skin mounting method. I'm reading about taxidermy right now. As if a mouse was freshly skinned, its fast methodically scraped off of the underside of its hide and then rubbed with borax or cedar dust to help it dry faster.

And then it's as if that enchanting mouse was stuffed with cotton and sewn up. It's perfection. It's a magnificent mouse. She has earned the name Taxidermy. Thanks, Jackal. Well, if you just saw the earlier display, you would know that he is very well spoken for by Jim.

And with that, we have one final contestant ready to go. One, Crenny LaCrue. Can I get a refund on my punch? There are no un-punches. Get in the ring. The mood's kind of over, and I don't want to get in a mud pit with two goblins. Oh, that sounds like a euphemism. You start to feel the overall mood of the carnival start to lower as you decline to get in. Oh, fuck!

- Jesus. - Hold my hat, hold my candy. - I got it, yeah, yeah. I'm on to it. Give me stuff.

Just make it quick, fellas. I'm kind of like-- Oh, Grumby, you can do it! Good job, Grumby! You watch as two incredibly buff goblins make their way in. You're used to goblins being about three-ish feet tall. They're probably about four and a half. And they look like they've been doing power lifting since the day they were born. I probably deserve this.

- Gods, I wish that were me. - As you walk in, you see a hush fall over the crowd as Kremi, his tiny little body walks forward towards these goblins. In the blue corner, we've got Mr. Kremi LaCrue dressed as a dead woman. And in the red corner, and in the red corner, we have Ma and Cho.

Oh, I get it. See my gore makeup? Oh fuck. I believe they call this revenge of the carnies. Athletics for me, man. 11. Oh. Just make it quick. You fuck up.

And you swing as Ma jumps onto Cho's head and leaps over you. They attack you from both sides and beat the living shit out of you. They double zoom. They double zoom right through. You are swollen. You look like you've been stung by a hundred bees. Give me left arm! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow

He's really juggling. Oh, well, that was an unfortunate match. Not all of them could be successful. Somebody get him to a doctor. How bad is it, Garen? Oh, well, it ain't good. How bad is it? You say you're going to need to reapply your mustache. Oh, you're right. Okay.

It feels better. Let's put your hat back on, buddy. Is that good? Does it look asymmetrical to us now? It does look asymmetrical. You look really nice, Crummy. You look really, really nice. Is that supposed to be? Instead of the letter, they should call him

Luggage! You're such an alligator! That one was pretty good. It's not relevant to you, he wasn't talking about you.

As long as you're talking about me, you don't need to. Yeah, no, he wasn't talking about you. I think he was making a reference to something totally unrelated. Oh, yeah. Oh, who? Oh, uh, Chuckles.

I think he knew who I was. Oh, does Gideon have imaginary friends, too? No, I'm haunted by past murdered clowns, specifically. Yeah, not really friends. I didn't even know him. Sure. No, I didn't even like him, for sure. I mean, really, I didn't know him enough to have strong opinions on him.

The only time I heard him make any noises was when he was freaking out in the grass. Then I had to take him away. He wouldn't stop laughing, so, you know. He was always chuckled, but then he chuckled until he died. Do you remember that?

Oh, you guys told me that Chuckle's retired. Oh, in the form, right? Yeah. Oh. No. No, he's not. No, he's not. Yeah, I didn't murder him. It's gosh not. It's gosh not. It's gosh not. And it is at this moment that you hear, hey, you!

Yeah, you, Torbeck. You remember Torbeck's name? And as you turn around, you see one very angry pixie as she's looking at you. How dare you stand me up? And she tosses a drink into your face. And that is where we'll end the session. No! Darlin'.

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