Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 5 | Big Top Bop
02:56:24 Share

Oh, hello everyone! Welcome to Legends of Avantris! My name is Gricko Grimgrin and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. I mean, I shouldn't say this, but it's not nearly as bad as what happened over at the, uh, over at the Hall of Illusions. That poor mime. If we take care of this Kenku problem for you, is there some kind of genuine reward?

I mean, you could ask Mr. Witch and Mr. Light, but I don't know if you can even get an audience with them. The corn maze. There appears to be no person taking tickets as you are able to make your way in if you so choose. Very center, there is a scarecrow that seems to be significantly larger than the ones that you've seen elsewhere. Its arms are pointing to the left and to the right.

You begin to grow a pair of breasts. Really, really nice large breasts. Oh, after I'm done with him, he's gonna be pointing in three directions. I think we go to the Hall of Illusions. I think so too. We got a deal with them! We'll find clues and soon they'll be saying, "Kenku?" More like, "Kenk-who?"

You stare at yourselves, your skin wrinkled, your hair gray, your body's hunched. Can't we just go to Ringo? Oh, leopardy is on! We should move on at this point. I feel like this bit has kind of run its course for the whole thing. Just staring into the mirror is the halfling man that you saw run in here.

And he, it sounds like he's talking to someone. The Hourglass Coven has a place for you. Step back, sir. Step back. You're in great danger. They can't help you. Only we can. You find yourself standing within the Hall of Illusions.

You have just witnessed this halfling man that you know had been turned down recently outside of the Hall of Illusions due to the partner he was with succumbing to a Tasha's Hideous Laughter spell. You watched him run into the Hall of Illusions completely, um, completely heartbroken at the fact that this woman that he loved so much would burst into laughter at the idea of tying herself to him for the rest of their lives.

And as you make your way through the Hall of Illusions, you end up finding him at the very end of one of the halls, staring into a mirror. Reflected in it, the figure of a small, almost childlike entity wearing the mask of a pig. As she calls out to him that all his problems can be solved if he just takes her hand.

You call out to him. You try to get his attention. You try to get him to believe in you. Why are you laughing? You're thinking about that fucking pig, aren't you? I'm thinking about the pig! I'm thinking about the pig!

story as well

- Get it out, Mace. - I'm back in. - Are you back in? Am I allowed to say the word pig at any point during this session? - I've been picturing waddles. That's what the villain looks like to me now. - Are you all right? - There's a mirror, there's a half-length. - She was calling out to him to take her hand and to join her, that all his problems can be solved if he just follows her into the mirror.

And against your wishes, he does. And it is here that we begin. It is mostly quiet in this long hall, the mirrors that line it reflecting the image of you at your current age. They're twisted and warped, but it's you all the same, as the sound of the wedding band clings and clangs on the floor right in front of the mirror. Oh, yeah.

There is no longer the reflection of that pig-headed girl. There's no longer a reflection of the small halfling man. It's just you. That fella's doomed, but I tried. Yeah, you really did. I kind of went, oh, and I sort of, you know, joined with half a step. Oh, was that you? You stepped like a half step. And you kind of said, oh.

I said, "Eh." Yeah, I tried, but he didn't listen. That's maximum effort from Grumman. I tried to quickly convey that the partner had been under the effects of the spell, but he didn't hear me. Yeah, he was real tied up with that pig. I mean, you know, I've been in a similar situation. Once you got your mind set on glorious power and potentially never-ending life, you know, it's hard to convince a fella. So I don't blame him, I guess.

And, you know, maybe even if it was a spell, he had just been enticed. He'd been seduced by that lovely, handsome pink woman. I'm going to walk up and while the others are talking, I'm going to reach down and pick up the ring. You do that. It is a small golden circlet. It appears to be...

not shoddily made, but you can tell that it's not highest quality, but you do see that along the inside rim, there are words etched there. What languages do you speak? That's a great question. I know it's going to be common. In addition, I'm also-- Well done! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Celestial and Elven. Oh, that's lovely. It is in a language that you're not familiar with. Ooh, the language of the elves.

I think I should hold on to this, and perhaps if we run into his partner again, I'll be able to give it to her for safekeeping. I suppose that's true. I mean, after all, why shouldn't you keep it? No, I'll give it back to her. Oh.

Why shouldn't you keep it? Because it's not mine. It's the treasure that a woman for his beloved. I think she's in the infirmary. As I understand it, the ring was already offered to her and she declined in a fit of laughter. And I think in the back of her mind, she'd be aware that she offended her partner and we're going to have to pass on the bad news that he has gone into some sort of mirror dimension. And likely dead. And very possibly dead. Yeah.

Yeah. Or worse. Everyone I've ever seen go the way of the pig has not come back. That's true. Tell me more about this way of the pig. Is that how they get to the farm? They go through a spooky mirror like that? Wait, we didn't have to take them through the mirror, did we? No, he just, you know, he just drives the wagon up to the, you know, to that sketchy farm where you give them a gold piece and they look the other way. Oh, and they cut in that way? And you came back, it was a butcher shop, and you came back with a sawed elk every time? Yeah.

Well, it wasn't identified as a butcher shop, but one could say that that happens there. Oh, we're so excited for elk nod every time we're coming back to sort of elk. That means that you fetched someone for the pigsy's time. This is what it looked like. Just for context. So it had a big lollipop like that? Oh my god. Well, that's a nightmare. Yeah.

So you, uh, I mean, I'm curious to learn more about the process of you guys getting rid of dead bodies, but we have an interesting mystery on our hands here. Do you think that perhaps this is the portal to Prismir? I guess it's what we came here to find out. Should we, uh, should we try and see, you know, maybe like wave a hand into it and see if we...

Did I do that last time? I can't remember, but I'm glad I did. No, no, we said, and then suddenly just stopped for a second. Before you attempt to do that, I need to center myself. I thought that there wouldn't be much risk today, but I'm going to increase my ability to defend myself, should there be combat. I'll focus for but a moment. My robe will glow just a little bit brighter.

10 lumens and I'll cast Mage Armor on myself. Thank you for specifying the lumens. Yeah, 10 nits. Oh, look at all those lumens. There's at least maybe eight or nine of them. Probably 10. All right. All right, well then, since you just did that fancy, you know, whatever you just did, would you like to do it then? Do the honors? Oh yeah, Frosty. You let us into that lovely maze. Mm-hmm.

Although I did all the work. Before Mr. Scarecrow, no one else wanted to put any elbow grease into it. For some reason, the D&D Beyond doesn't want to acknowledge my new AC. And I will spend the beams to do that, which I think is first level, so one beam? I'll put that up. Yes, I'd be happy to give this a try.

I'll reach out and press my palm. Roll an arcana check. Oh, before I press the palm? No. As you press your palm. As I press the palm?

I like to, as he's reaching out to it, I'd like to just like behind the mirror. Oh. The mirror is attached to the wall. There's no behind the mirror. Oh, that's what I figured. Oh, I pictured it kind of like a Harry Potter situation. Oh, like that would have been more like a dressing, like a personal quarters instead of a house of horrors. It's a house of illusions. Illusions. I don't know. Something sitting in the dead center of a room when you get to it. Somebody gets sucked in by a pig.

Nice and central. Focal point of the room. Yeah, no, it's at the very end of the hallway. Yeah, that's what I was envisioning. Oh. Twelve. Wow, that's a really high roll, so it gets you nothing. You press your hand in. I love D&D. Get a blitter in. You press your hand into the mirror, and it gives a little bit at first of,

It feels like there's some... How do I explain this? Almost like it's water for a second, but then it firms up very quickly, and it is clearly just a glass mirror. Well, I can't seem to press through. The portal is closed. If it is the entrance to Prismir, then we either need to

do something or have some sort of spell or perhaps break the mirror or perhaps it's just part of this hall of illusions and this has nothing to do with our ultimate quest. I like your one idea. I take out two hands and just wrap your fist before you do it. You know, like Slots and Autumns. I don't feel comfortable breaking property. It was at the last resort.

I've seen so much blood on your knuckles and it's usually somebody else's. Oh wait, hold on. Does anyone have those rules? Oh yeah, no. Oh yes, the rules of hospitality. No tasty backseats. Equal or lesser value. Yes. Uh...

I'll forget the other one. My point is, is there some kind of like fairy law against breaking property, even if we're trying to save a four-board defenseless halfling? That is an interesting moral conundrum. It does seem to create a conundrum between the rule of ownership and the rule of reciprocity.

Don't we know? Mr. Witch and Mr. Light do own it, but they just didn't always own it. So we'd still be breaking and vandalizing their property. Let's inform someone and perhaps they'll give us the permission to break it and then we can come back here and you can fist the mirror all you like. Oh, sounds like a good time. I'll take my handkerchiefs back. Okay. What do you think?

I always preferred old mill rods to houses of illusions. Carry on. This has not been very fun so far, but do you think we can go to someone of authority around here and get deputized? Perhaps we can talk to the bugbear friend that you said hello to. Oh, Jerry! Just a few... No, we're gonna meet at the gondolas and share a tuna fish sandwich.

It's true. We're going to do that. Could he preordain us to commit violence of various kinds? I actually don't remember what Jerry did. I don't even know if his name was Jerry. His name definitely wasn't Jerry. Roll a...

- Roll an intelligence check. - I was calling Colin apparently, Reynold for three years and nobody corrected me. I failed terribly. - I'm gonna put money on the fact that you actually don't remember his name and you're just making this up the whole time. - Yeah, you know his name isn't Jerry, but it's something close. So it's good enough and he responds to it. And you're pretty sure that he slung the manure

outside of the big cop. Oh, oh no. Jerry's job. He was the dung slinger. Oh, that was eight years ago. That was eight years ago. It was a long time. Oh, maybe he's moved up in the world. Maybe he's running the dung show this time. Anyway, I feel like we've really witnessed a very tragic thing, but I don't know what's befallen our young friend. Kramer, what do you think? This is your bag, right? Are you...

Is Jerry the young friend you're talking about? Oh no, the young man ran off without asking. Like, "Oh hey, sweetie snookums, maybe? Hey, what's up?" I mean, I could take a look, I guess. Why are you laughing? He already did it, but I mean... "On a land of strange charms and magics, perhaps I should just check before I run off and join a horrible witch through a mirror." You know? I'm not gonna be the only one to say it. We don't know what kind of creature that was.

It was some sort of entity. It didn't seem like a witch or egg or anything. They may have problems, you know. You don't know what's going on in their lives. No, no, I'm just saying. I feel like, you know, you need to stop and communicate. Well, let me take a look. Yeah. I have a keener eye than Frosto's. Let me see. I'm going to touch the mirror and kind of get a sense. Roll an arcana check. Fail horribly. Oh, that's not bad. I think that's a 17. Ooh. 17. 17.

You place your hands on the mirror and it is fully firm. It just feels like a mirror. There's no movement to it. What Frost described, that strange, almost watery motion to it the moment he had touched it, you don't feel that at all. But you do sense a magical hum and it is akin to teleportation magics. Hold up. I'm getting...

Getting a little something. Oh! This is a magic mirror! Oh, is it Mimo's etouffee? What? You said you're getting a little taste of something and normally you're like, "Hot dog!" It's like Mimo, just like how Mimo used to make... Oh, like "Mee high on the grasshopper" or something like that? Yeah! Or it's like a "Sack of corn pone!" What are you always saying? It's just a magic door.

You didn't sense that? I guess, you know... No, I felt a little something, but you seemed to taste the magic in the air. I mean, I could just kind of feel it, you know what I mean? If you were attuned to the arcane powers of the world, which I guess, you know, style's a little different. Yeah, I'm only vaguely familiar with the arcane powers. Yeah, so I can just kind of sense it. So the point is, is that the magic wasn't from the pig girl, it was from the mirror itself.

So if we find some way to like flip a switch and turn this back on, maybe we go right through. Maybe throw the ring at it. Ooh. No. Well, we're going to start looking around the room and see if there's levers or things to look behind or trick something. It's sort of like...

pat down the room effectively. Sure, roll an investigation check. Large stone block, like push puzzles. Yeah, I'm hoping for one of those Tomb Raider style ones where we have to push the blocks into exactly the right corners. Oh look, it's a priceless discovery. We have to grab the handles and pull it out and then move it to the pressure plate? Exactly correct. Let me refresh D&D Beyond because it's being a little goofy.

He's offended by your Ninja Turtle costume. Come on, D&D Beyond. D&D Beyond, everybody! Hi, everybody! We're D&D Beyond! You two can stumble around for five minutes to make a simple village here. LAUGHTER

With D&D Beyond, you'll be just as unprepared for your turn as you were with pencil and paper. But hey, at least there will be fewer gray smudges all over the place. You know? You don't have to buy erasers. No pencil sharpeners. What an improvement. What an improvement, folks.

Okay, so you, what was your... My Investigadeon was 16. Oh, so good. Yeah, that's pretty good. It wasn't good enough. No, I'm just kidding. With that, nothing happens. Somebody stole my briefcase. No, 16's really good. You look around the room. You see that all of the mirrors along the hallway are firmly attached to the wall.

There's a little bit of space between them, clearly, where you can see that there is space between the wall and the mirror itself. When you look along the edges of the mirror at the very end, the one that Kremi believes to have the teleportation magics,

It is affixed to the wall, but completely, solidly affixed to the wall. There is no space between the wall and the mirror itself. It's not bolted on the way the other ones are. I could pass my hand from the wall to the mirror and I'd feel no groove. You'd feel no groove. Well, we're not going to get behind the mirror. And there doesn't seem to be any...

lever or button. Should we let Mr. Witch and Mr. Light or both or one or the other know that there's some trickery afoot? I think if we talk to them, we should at least mention the mirror. I doubt that they're the ones that would really care about this. They just own the carnival. I mean, I'm sure they got, you know, carnies that deal with this.

Maybe they're the ones that could deputize us. We could come back. We could break a couple mirrors. I like that. We could find that weird bird thing that's killing dwarves or at least bashing their heads in. Could you imagine it? Us on the side of upholding the law? Don't even speak such a thing. What if he knows a guy that knows a guy that are all in law enforcement? They might...

have run, you know, had a run-in with us from years past. It's a little risky. What kind of colonies do they get here? Is it mostly locals or are they from all over the place?

Oh, I mean, it's from all over the place, and you know, they know all sorts of people. There was one fellow who came in, he was from a mercenary company, and he said it was just, you know, he was just kind of keeping an eye on things here. Seemed like a real good lad. Fucking Pinkertons, I knew it. Wait, what? That's it, how did you know his name? Oh, his name was Pinkerton? Yeah. Oh, shit. No, no, no. If it's Pinkerton, if it's the same Pinkerton I'm thinking of, not a chance. What are the chances, though? He's always talking about his big family.

Anyways. All right, Frost, so you're saying we just leave here and we go tell somebody? We're almost certainly holding up the line if there's anywhere to hide. If there is anywhere to hide in here, I would propose that we watch what happens to the next attendee to see if they also would seduce into the mirror, but looking around, I'm... Could we do a different word? Roll whoo-cheese right here. What, seduce? Yeah, that's just not a... Before they get...

Compelled into the mirror and sourced. That's a fine word. That's a very fine word. That's a five gold piece word. That's like a two electron piece word, maybe. A little more than that, I think. Maybe a three electron piece word, Frosty. Well, Frost, why don't you three go ahead, and I can hide anywhere, so I'll stay behind and just keep an eye out. How does that sound? If there's any trouble, we won't be able to help you.

Can't you just like do your thing? I guess, how far can you do that? I actually can do that quite a ways.

Or I can just start screaming. Yeah, that always works. Our usual tactic. We'll see if anyone is ensorcelled, Rod Huchi. Remember that word. Ensorcelled. As long as we don't leave within five miles of you, it should be fine. Oh, well, shit. Now, I don't know why they made that mechanical restriction, because it only lasts three minutes, and I don't think we could make five miles in three minutes. Well, if we go through a teleportation door, we can do just that, probably. Who knows where it goes? Actually, very smart of you. No.

Oh, I take it back. We should all... No, no. I think it's bad for you to hoard here, Clemmy. All right, why? Because we should all leave together.

Yep. What if it's like, oh, we're gonna leave. Oh no! We're in Scamifer's house. And then Crummy's like, oh, I'm at the candy floss vendor. And then we're trapped. There's only three of us. We don't have Crummy. Crummy's enjoying a nice confection and we're being turned into scab fodder. Wait a second. Are you saying...

They have candy floss here? Yeah! Didn't you see all those kids fighting over it? No! Yeah, they were all tearing each other apart. It was like there was a lord of the flies somewhere. It was awful. Well, I mean, you know, this is probably fine. Let's just go to the candy floss. We'll do some other stuff, you know. How can you possibly still be hungry, Gabe? I...

I only got to eat the one cake. You ate 300 pounds of cake. Yeah, but you know, I just burned it quickly. It was a 300 pound cake. It was one, but it was a lot of cake. Yeah, you guys are making my point. I've only had 300 pounds of cake. Well, didn't you also have a nice big skewer of horse meat as well?

Let's leave. Oh, right. We're going to leave. We're going to leave. Griggo, on the way, I want to hear more about this Lord of the Flies. Sounds terrifying. Oh, yeah. No, it was a spooky story that a Bullywug told me.

It was also involved a pig. Yeah, we continue outside. Back to the cove. You make your way out of the... Oh wait, the new exit. No, you're trapped. You make your way out of the Hall of Illusions and it's a quick trip out. You are not phased by the changing of the mirrors any longer. You've passed your saves effectively so they don't...

affect you anymore and you quickly make your way outside. You see that Candlefoot the Mime is still outside miming. There's no one in line for the Hall of Illusion. It's almost as if this sad colorless mime detracts people from even wanting to come into this area of the carnival.

You'll notice that some kids do walk up really excited, and as he cries and mimes about the joys inside, they turn to their parents and say, I don't want to go there, and head towards the bubble pot teapot.

So there was no one waiting in line. That's why you never have a mime, kids. That poor chap. Why do you never have a mime? I mean, look, he's depressing the kids. Who would see that and be like, oh, I can't wait to do whatever he's gotten. Are you sure it's about him being a mime or him being very gray and telling children about how he lost his big titty mermaid girlfriend?

I mean, have you ever seen a mom that's not gray and depressed about something? Usually about big titties, you're right. That's why they're always doing this. Why are mimes always sex pets?

- But you do notice that there's no signs of the halfling girl. It looks like the candy striper pixies have taken her away to whatever infirmary there is to get rid of the Tasha's hideous laughter. You don't know if and when she'll return. - We'll have to keep an eye out for her if she manages to make her way back into the amusement park or carnival, which is a more appropriate term than what I just said.

Do you guys want to go northward, back up past the Big Top, past the Staff Area, past Silversong Lake to the Gondolas ones?

And it is at this time that you hear the booming sound of the calliope as it rings out a beautiful song marking the changing of the hour. If you want to move the hour up one for me, please. To three? Mm-hmm. Okay. Do it on camera. Thanks. That was pretty good. Okay.

Wait, I mean, all the way north when we got, look, there's a bunch of pixies over there. That sounds so cool. Should we do a few of these or should we go up there first? What do you think? I mean, do you have a timeline when you got to meet up with Jerry or whatever the hell his name was? No, he just said he'd meet me at the gondolas with half a tuna set. Was it a whole tuna sub? I thought that was the reason. It was a combo tuna meatball sub. Oh. That's my favorite. Oh, I knew Jerry wouldn't forget. Thank you.

Thanks, Jack. Oh! They call that the goblin surfing turf. Is that what they call it? Who calls it that? Yeah, Monk. You was always kind of weird. Is your uncle named Jerry, too? No. He kind of sounds like it might be a Jerry. No, his name is Globo. Oh, God.

No wonder. Growing up with a name like Glorbo would turn anyone crazy. I was just saying, actually common goblin men. Yeah, now like half of the men in our village was named Glorbo. Like the John of...

Well, like that you and all the girls were named Kimberly! Hold on! Fizzy Melanju sure wasn't Onizum! Oh! Onizum was his name. Oh no, that's how Uncle Globo died. He came down with a case of the Onizum. He didn't make it, no. Globo, rest in peace. If you were gonna die, Onizum's probably the most pleasurable way to end. LAUGHTER

Let's continue. I have to say, I think that you need to learn to pick something on the map and then commit or the gods of this world will shower rocks down upon you. You can go wherever you want to go. But I think, are you feeling God of the Swamps? I mean, is that where you truly want to go?

I'm just saying, I mean, if Jerry said he was gonna give me a goblin surfing turd. All right, let's go, come on, let's go. Oh man. We can make our way back here. It's only three on the clock. All right, here we go. And we will go all the way back up to the turn of the carnival. You are making your way. You're making your way and you do actually notice about halfway towards the gondola swans that there is a nice little candy floss cart.

There are a bunch of pixies flitting around, swirling the sugar into the vat and creating these beautiful candy floss sculptures. You can pick unicorns. - Oh, unicorns. - Yep. You could pick pixies. There are pixie floss, candy floss, pixies. - Man, they make...

food out of pixies everywhere here. They do. It's a fairy carnival and I'm not very creative, so there we go. Shouldn't you call this carnival? It should be called cannibal. There's a leprechaun. There is a pug. Oh. Yeah. There is a, um,

There's a cake. Oh, wait, it's a cake? There's an apple? There's an apple one. Okay. Yeah. Oh, there's a donkey. There is... There's a flower, a bouquet of flowers made out of candy floss. One unicorn, please. This free? Yeah.

- Yeah, one of those. I'll have two actually. - Two unicorns? - Yeah. I really, I love unicorns. I don't know if you can tell, but-- - Do you want them to be the same size or different sizes like a baby unicorn and a mama unicorn? - Oh, that's so cute! - You know, dealer's choice, whatever you're feeling. I mean--

it's really horrible to eat a baby unicorn in front of its mama so instead i'll give you two mamas oh no just give me the baby and i eat the mother first

Now you're using your noodle In the wild no that is actually quite humane you need to kill both of them You gotta eat both of them

- Well, you're better. - You're a unicorn of one baby. - Exactly right. - You're mama first. - Well, the baby unicorn's gonna die a slow death if you don't eat both of them. - And I love them so much that I'm willing to-- - Yeah, you're a conservationist, Crabby. I didn't know this about you. I always thought you were gonna just exploit the local wildlife to make a buck or an electron piece. - Okay, here are your unicorns. - Oh, all right, I'll eat this one first, thank you.

Oh, it's animated. I'll take the pixie, please. You just want one pixie or two? Two is fine. Okay. Handsome to you. Thank you. Why does this guy taste like iron? Tastes like real pixie. Okay.

Sorry, headphone users. I'm not actually too particular on the shape, but can you just swirl a bunch of that floss into my open arms? Yeah, how many pounds of floss do you want? Until I look like I can't carry it anymore.

You look like you could carry a lot of floss. Well, yeah. You know what one pan of floss looks like? The volume? Well, maybe it just becomes unwieldy and if I start to stumble a little bit, I just, you know, I start to wait always. Do you want a complimentary pixie or a candy floss Chad shirt? Oh.

Well, yeah. Well, it isn't even done, Leafy. Can I have one, please? No. Oh! But do you want one, though? I would love one, actually. I'm not going to take my current shirt off. Your arms are huge. Oh, well, I mean, nobody said that since the cake eating contest, but it's pretty nice to be noticed. Are you the cake, Chad?

Oh, you've noticed my shirt. Nope, I wasn't even looking at it. Oh, yeah. Yep, I'm the cake, Chad. Wow. Yeah, I've eaten one whole cake and a bunch of cupcakes before that. I actually beat my old pal Frosty here. Do you like pixies? I mean, one of us has the shirt, one of us doesn't have the shirt. Yeah, I love pixies, I think. Are you going to go to the pixie kingdom and enjoy the frivolity there?

Yep. Yes, I am. I'll let him know you're coming. Oh. He doesn't know the meaning of the word. Pixies can get a little frisky. Oh. All right, we should probably stop talking. Why? You're going to do this whole way of enterprise here. Wait, let's go to the pixie festival. Let's go to the pixie festival. You know, we have to give it time to give them a heads up, right? Oh, okay. Yeah.

Do we book an appointment? Do you want me to squirt pixie floss all over your chest now? Ummm... You'll have to pay extra for that. You know, Wheely, this isn't the first time that's happened.

- Holy ass. - That's how I know I enjoy it. I'm just wondering what the surcharge for that service is. - It's all free here. - You have to like pay tax or something? - I'm done with this one. - You only ate the head off of it. - That's not everything that I ate. - Ew.

She just drops it into the trash. That's gross. No, it's free. Oh, well, absolutely then. Load me up. She does. She loads you up with things you want.

In a normal, non-sexual way. Could we have two candy flosses shaped perhaps like pumpkins or parsnips or something that doesn't resemble any body parts of any types of creature? It's very strange when it screams inside your mouth and reverberates in this very wild way. Yeah, when you feel it in your cheeks.

Thank you.

Yeah, I can get you some pumpkin floss if you want it. Do you want it to taste like pumpkins? Oh, that would be great. My daughter and I love pumpkin straw. What? We can't do that. So here it is. And she gives just normal fixing floss to you. No French dressing. No pumpkin candy floss. Oh, if you're looking for French dressing, you might want to see Duncan. He's over by the gondola swans in the feasting orchard.

Oh no, we already went through this whole sauce rigmarole with him and they're all out of French dressing. We just did an entire vat of French dressing to him. What?!

We're not going back. No. Do you know how good a goblin surf and turf of extra fringe dressing is? Now, the only reason we're going to go back is if you have candy floss flavored like antidepressants. That child. Does it work like that, bro? Are they SSR eyes on the man? I don't know.

Yes, there are now. You know what I'm sweating? Well, if you want to go to Pixie Kingdom, the tuna can probably wait. Well, let's get on the gondola. We'll take a little trip around. It always tastes better the next day anyway.

- All right, we're doing the Gondola Swans. - Afterwards, we head to the Pixie Funland. - It was really nice meeting you. We'll make sure to let the Pixies know you're gonna be there, Cake Chad. - Excellent, bro. You tell them I said hello. - That's the wrong way. - I'll tell them that I said hello when I get there. - The Gondola Swans, right? - Oh, I thought we were going to Pixie Kingdom. - I said Gondola Swans. - We're going to Pixie Swans.

- This would be very us in the carnival, with a map out like, where are we going? It's upside down! - You make the rest of your way towards the Gondola Swans. The carnival is almost at its peak. It's almost at the halfway point of being over. You hear a lot of people exclaiming how excited they are that within the hour, the big top extravaganza should be starting.

And it is the highlight of the carnival. It is the place to be. If you're not at the big top, you're not anybody. The energy at the carnival is palpable. As you make your way to the gondola swans, unimpeded, enormous swans glide through the water here, pulling ornate wooden gondolas draped in flowers. The swans disappear into banks of silver mist as they wend their way down the river. A jetty extends ahead, at the end of which a waiting swan preens its feathers.

They're real giant swans! Wow. Wow! I thought they were just gonna be wooden ones! I also thought the same. I'm surprised we didn't notice that when we walked past this place. We were very distracted by Duncan's very sad, sad story. Yes, well... Are they gonna be as mean as actual swans? Oh, I kept on thinking-- Oh no! Swans are so nice and lovely! You're thinking of geese.

I think Swan's pretty mean. Yes, I believe that Swan's actually-- No, no, no! How could this Swan be mean? No, aren't you the most beautiful thing? Hello, my name is-- Are you walking up to the Swan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aren't you just an absolute beauty? Excuse me, filthy little pest. Don't patronize me. Are you taking a ride or not? Oh, she's met you before.

I sure hope this doesn't awaken something in me!

Swans are only super violent against other swans. I've only seen swans attack and kill other swans, I just assumed it would work, you know. Call species. You're always awakening. Oh, and it comes with the whole druid plan. Excuse me, you imbeciles, are you going to ride or not? Hold up, hold up. Do you mind if we have a sidebar real quick? I will listen to everything you say. Oh, well, what if we talk real quiet?

You think you can? I'll just ask you instead of Gricko, are you like an actual swan or are you transmogrified into this against your will? I'm an actual swan. Look at my beautiful feathers. They are very lovely. I mean, you look like a swan, but you don't sound like a swan. What is a swan supposed to sound like? I mean, like honking and like hissing. Kill another swan. I've never killed another swan a day in my life.

And I will not honk on command. Okay. Well, I didn't know. I mean, if you're a swan and you're off on rides... Yeah, no, no. I knew a fella who did honk on command and he ended up at the pig farm. I don't have all day. Rides are only an hour. Do you want to ride or don't you? Yeah, do you have rides before? Wait, wait, wait. Wait for what? The big top is in less than an hour.

Wait, it takes an hour to do? By the time you're done with the ride, you can dismount and go straight to the big top. That's perfect timing. Oh, exactly. We'll hop on right away. We'll have four tickets, please. Perfect. Oh, shit. We've got to stay on schedule then. We can't be late.

Yes, only to get more tickets and hopefully I'll have a lost. Oh, nope. You just jump off into the water, run to the big tank. You haven't been punching your punch. Haven't I, Frosty? You haven't been punching your punch. Yeah, I asked you to punch it on the cards. No, it's okay, it's okay. You don't have to. I tried to do that. Can you pass me the purple? I just didn't...

It's impossible. No, I hate it. I hate you. No, I won't. She leans down and with her beak, she punches through your tickets. Oh, wow. That was pretty cool. That was very fast. I'm surprised you have such accuracy given the size of your beak. Bill. Are you cooling my beak large? I mean, everything about you is so grand.

Hmm. I sense sincerity in that. You may get one first, Cat. Apparently. Well. I mean, can you all fit? Yes, you can all fit. I'm designed for this. Okay, all right. Well, no offense intended. Here we go. This is going to be the weirdest tour ever. And to your left is this fucking thing. I step on the frost. Oh, yeah.

You do, and she ruffles her feathers. She actually jolts you this way and that, knocking you about. You can tell it is unnecessary movement just to throw you about in the seating area, but there is a seating area on top of her back. It's not like the gondola swan jude picture that are made out of wood where it's sunken in. It's more like a harness that goes over the back of her swan body with these plush seats in a beautiful blue velvet.

and you are able to sit yourself down, strap in as she begins to move through the water very slowly. - Everybody strap in. - Welcome to the Gondola Swans at the Witchlight Carnival. I am Featherene and I will be your swan for this evening. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will feel free to not answer them if I don't feel like it. Otherwise, enjoy the ride.

Very good. All right. So, you know, I love unicorns. So anything unicorn related, please stop. Oh, yeah. If we have time for it, of course. No, you can go to the carousel. I do have a question for you, though. Oh, sure. What even is joy? Some kind of riddle. Oh. No, you said you love unicorns. I'm assuming that unicorns bring you joy. They do now, yeah. What is joy? Joy.

You know, like a feeling of happiness, a pleasantness, I guess. Right? Fellas, back me up on this. Oh, yeah, no, it's like, it feels just so nice in your, you feel warm and cuddly and snuggly. Kind of like in your soul, you know? I'll actually go a little farther and say the experience of joy in a vacuum of

It's a little tautological. If you were to describe joy, why not describe the opposite feeling, pain? It's in that contrast that you're able to truly experience what happiness means. - You see as she cranes her head around at you and that look of frustration and anger, do you do that?

- You start snoring? - Do you? - Yeah, I do. - I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw for me, please. - You're about to get winged off. - As she turns and she looks at you, that look of haughtiness and anger on her face slowly starting to subside as she looks you up and down. You are an interesting creature. I like the things that you say. Things to think about, hmm.

I didn't have to roll even. That's nice. What did you get? Six. She turns and she looks at you, and she's looking at Frost. She's still facing forward, but her neck is turning around, as a swan is wont to do. And you see that she looks really pleased with Frost, as all of a sudden, she hears your snoring. Her head snaps immediately towards you. Do you find this conversation boring, Flaming One? What?

I mean, not the conversation. He said something about Tom-Tons and I don't know, I just went straight to sleep. He's doing it too!

I'm wide awake listening to it all about the tontons. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside. I was going to make that joke. Beat it, you and Frosty. Just like those unicorns. Wisdom versus intellect, Frosty. I should have known you didn't have the intellect to hold down a proper conversation. Just like most, completely empty on the inside. Oh.

I know, we're all filled with joy and snuggly feelings. Yeah, I actually... Now go ahead, please. I actually got quite a bit on the inside. Oh, really? Yeah, just very few of it is fancy words, but, you know. 300 pounds of cake. Yeah. All right, then answer me this. And some flaws. How do you even know that I exist? Well, you know, because I'm sitting on you.

And, you know, most people I sit on, they tend to be there. Not afterwards, but in the moment. You're friends with him. He's very useful.

In what way? Yeah, what the? What the heck? Frosty, all these years? We're also good friends, but... Please. You should see him punch a body, is what I'll say. You know, if that body had any ribs intact before that, oh, forget about it.

May I try it? Barbarians, the lot of you. No, a fighter, actually. May I try to answer the question you put to Gideon? Yes. If you believe you're up to the task. My answer was not sufficient enough for you, Frost. Well, I think just sitting on something doesn't necessarily convince you that you're not alone in this world.

and that existence isn't only inside one's mind, but it would be absurd to believe that. Necessarily, if I believe I myself exist, I have to believe that other things exist and perceive things in the reverse way. Solipsism is a terrible road of madness, and I won't support it. - What? - And how can you confirm that you yourself exist?

Just by that very argument that I made. The idea that only I exist in my mind and that everything else is an illusion is a terrible thought. I can't entertain it. Have you ever heard of Newton's laser sword? I enjoy a good fig Newton. Oh, yes, you enjoy a fig Newton's laser sword.

You can get them in a sleeve. Oh, no. If you shove them all down in the thing and you have a handy snack, it's just like, well, you know, when you're going out on a stroll, and it's like, I can't carry all these Fig Newtons. Oh, I'll drop them. So then I had a brilliant idea. I was just like, oh, maybe you should just have one or two. The serving size is two, Graco. And I'm like, you are an idiot, Frosty. And I took them all and I shoved them down my sleeves. I'm a swan.

I don't have hands or sleeves. Well, what do you like? Oh, I don't have any sleeves either. I used to wear sleeves. Then it got a little warm. So you need to be fed your Fig Newtons. So every time you have a Fig Newton, someone's got to feed it to you. We have swan handlers, yes.

That's not bad, actually. I'm gonna mine a life with a handler. Are they really big fig news? Isn't that what this fiery man is to you? Your handler? I mean, we'll put it that way. Aren't you a couple? Yeah, I mean, we handle this, I handle that. We're just partners. Yeah. Business associates. Life partners. Just a couple. Just a couple of guys. Couple of fellas. Just a couple of fellas. Wild and crazy guys. LAUGHTER

- Just one and then two, me and you. - Doing crime. - Yeah, couple of crimes. - Oh, partners in crime! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Partners, yeah. - Two guys in a hot tub. - It's a hot swan, right? - Just guys being dudes. - Just a couple of guys. - Anyways, in conclusion,

It's not worth arguing. It can't be proven one way or the other. There's nothing to prove its existence without the evidence for it. Why even debate it? Well, I would query this. In a world so full of magic, is time an illusion? Are we still talking about fig noodles? Oh, speaking of something to eat, near my rear feathers, a disgusting, foul-smelling sandwich was left for you.

If I accept that, does it make it more weird or less weird? In regards to what? I don't even know anymore. Would you like to eat my rare sandwich feathers? I mean, rare feather sandwich. The only window goes to that. Felt that coming. I can feel the heat off of Gideon. Well...

- Oh, you're... - I can't do this voice. - Well, it smells like goblin surfing, too. - So yeah, I'll take seconds. - This is gonna take an hour. - That would be very lovely. Jerry is a real swell guy. I hope I get to see him before we, before the carnival shuts down for another eight years.

Who would pair tuna fish with meat? Well, a tuna fish is a meat. It's a fish meat. But I'm talking about the meatballs. I can't look at that and be like, oh, that's beef or pork or veal. The meatballs are definitely not meat. It's just meat. They're not pork, veal, or beef. It's a soy-based alternative meatball. Yeah. Oh.

Oh, yeah. They're called impossibles. Oh, I'm glad you're expanding options for the witch-like hands. I'll support their love choices. Oh. Oh.

Oh, that's good process sludge. Just like Uncle Globo used to make. I'm dying of oldies.

Well, I mean, in the bug, it's not the same because if it's actually tuna and it's actually like meat like veal or pork or beef, that's not a real goblin surfing turf.

It's gotta be made out of muskrat and leech. That's the good stuff. That's the real good stuff. You just... You just spread that leech and you get it all nice and it smells basically the same. Leech is in like leeches, like from a swamp. Oh, yes. Some lamprey, perhaps, if you're feeling real spicy. Oh, I've not had lamprey. That sounds quite good. It's delicious. I'm gonna sip.

I think I have an answer, Featherine, to your inquiry. You do. If time is an illusion, then so are the dimensions themselves. Just as width and height and depth are part of the dimensions of this world, so is time, where those pieces can move through space in the fourth dimension.

As we move upward through the tree of dimensions, there would be additional consequences, but here in our third-dimensional world, we must respect that time is not an illusion, but a very physical fact about reality. Though I do not care if we were clearly idiotic companions, you have a sharp mind and a clear wit. I have tried to hone it my entire life, thank you. I like you. Which is your name? My name is Morning Frost. You can call me Frost. Oh, we're calling him M.F.,

Are we? I mean, when did we start doing this? They call me MF because they're goofy bitches. Do you know what that means? Do you know what that stands for? I tried to explain it to them. It should stand for morning frost, but I hear them whispering behind my back. I see.

I feel like I can talk to you about things. Indeed. And I don't often feel like I can talk to people about anything. Most just ignore the questions that I ask or they make light of them. They're not funny questions. They're things that are deserving of ponder.

But most people only care about the gossip around the carnival. All the goings on in the back alleys. Oh, what are they saying about Candlefort's ex-girlfriend? Oh, do you mean Pelosha? Oh, Pelosha! And her name, does she have any favorite songs, favorite colors, any hobbies that she cares for? No, I'm not sure. I don't spend much time with Pelosha. But I do know such a horrible thing that happened between her and Candlefort. Oh no. It's absolutely awful.

I was present, you see. It was happening over in the lake. And I was currently giving a tour. I didn't have anyone on my back, you see. So I was able to meander about a bit. He was giving such a heartfelt, beautiful proposal when all of a sudden the color started draining from his body out of nowhere. And as he got to the part about asking her to be his wife, his voice completely dimmed.

He was forcibly turned into a mime?

By what? By who? He was always a mime. By what or by who? Who knows? I have been pondering those questions myself. Was it even a who? It was a whom. Can you...

Can you take us to where that happened? - Well, it requires a ticket to go see Pilasha, but when you're done with your gondola ride, you can make your way over there. - Oh, we gotta go to the big top to go down with the gondola ride. - We won't have to do it after the big top, but I do have to ask you a couple questions. - Oh, there's a hair in my teeth. - Oh my goodness.

How are you holding that? That's remarkable. How is there hair? You're a swarm. There's a feather in my teeth. We have met Candlefoot, and he did seem quite distraught. Can you repeat the name of the woman that he tried to propose marriage to? Kalasha, the mermaid. Kalasha? Kalasha. Kalasha. Kalasha. Kalasha, what a horrible name. Please don't call her that.

Your ears are coming out, Frosty. That's why he cuts the holes in your head, right? So you can hear better. Exactly right. This is so fascinating. Another prevented marriage seems to be happening in a pattern. Perhaps there will be a third.

Well, if you know the gossip in the carnival, what do you know about this Kenku that's terrorizing the outskirts of the carnival? Oh, well, that's another story all on its own. This Kenku appeared, right? Right. And she has a habit of being able to use... What is the word you... Your magic uses, yes?

to disguise herself as other people to hide amongst the crowd. She's been creating quite a lot of trouble within the carnival lately, you see. Yes. She tried to get an audience with Mr. Witch and Mr. Light and they were having none of it. Apparently, she's concerned about her patron Zabillna.

They don't want to answer any of her questions, and so they kicked her out of the carnival. They had her forcibly removed. She somehow found her way into possession of a ticket and has returned back to the carnival.

and has been causing mischief ever since. From what I heard from Burley the bugbear, who is, by the way, very quick of mind, quite a lovely old chap, not the one that left Jimithin or whatever his name was, the one that left your disgusting, horrible sandwich on my tail feathers. It wasn't him, it was the other bugbear, the one that works over at the, that works over with the security area, the staff wagons. Oh, that's so great. He's quite lovely, Burley is.

And what was I saying? You were talking about that the Kenko's not actually a political agent. Oh, she's just trying to get an audience with Mr. Wish and Mr. Light. Something to do with, like I said, this Zibilna person who she claims is in distress or there's something wrong with her domain. I'm not quite sure. I'm not familiar with Zibilna. But what Burleigh tells me is he caught

This Kenku trying to sneak into the staff wagons and trying to run away with Mr. Light's candle vein or potentially Mr. Witch's pocket watch. Can you imagine what would happen to the carnival if someone got a hold of those two incredibly powerful artifacts? Oh. They would quite literally have the carnival eating in the palm of their hands. Don't even joke about it. It would be horrible. Oh, wait, you said candle vein?

And pocket watch? Weathervane. Oh, Weathervane. I might have said Candlevane. I was staring at the candy floss upon this fiery man's chest. Oh, did I not get it all? No, it's... It's sticky. It's stuck to your flaming chest hair. No, no, I was saying... The warmth of your chest hair keeps melting the floss and it's just sticking. Oh, can you feel that from there?

I can see it from here. Oh, no, the rapids! Oh, it's so turbulent! Oh! Oh! My plant-based sandwich! Did you just drop your sandwich? Oh, don't worry, he left another just in case. Oh!

Thank goodness. And she motions to the other side of her tail feathers and you see that there is another sandwich there. Oh, Jerry sure is a good lad. He was worried that you wouldn't be satisfied unless you had your favorite meal. Surprisingly, this one also has arugula on it.

I'm just going to dunk this in the water here.

With a little bit of pollen scum. Oh, the water. No, it's fine. Oh, it's got all that blue dye in it. It's not dye. I grin and it's all stained blue. Yum! I don't think the swans leave this river for the entire carnival. It tastes like blue! Well, Featherine...

So you're saying that the Kenku is currently in the staff area and was apprehended by this bugbear? Well, I wouldn't say currently. That is just what Burly told me the last time we spoke. Unfortunately, Burly doesn't have much time off, so it's very rare that he gets to come and spend time with me, but he's quite a lovely friend. One of the few people in this carnival that can hold down an intelligent conversation.

Oh my gosh. Oh.

His brother just died? Well, we're not quite sure. You see, things go missing here at the Witchlight Carnival. Olaf Ramirez?

I'm not sure what you mean. Like if it was a little girl with a giant lollipop and a pig mask. So you have seen the spectre? Oh, it's a ghost! Well, that's what we think it is. We're not quite sure. It's just that it appears out of nowhere, and if you don't have a ticket or you enter a ride without a ticket, you don't get it punched, or you do something against the rules of the carnival, it is said that the little sow pig will appear and take you away.

That thing is an employee. No, we don't know what it is or how it even got here. He ran right past Candlefoot and didn't punch his ticket. It must have been a consequence that he's being... He's a squatter.

Wow. And the punishment is to be kidnapped by a horrible pig specter, taken into a mirror dimension, and presumably unalive. It's very possible. And unfortunately, we've also heard that the desperate will make pleas to the sow pig in hopes for something in their life. And Hurley was, that's Burleigh's twin brother, was unhappy with things the way they were, and

Burleigh heard him one night calling out into the ether for help, and next thing you know, he's gone, and no one's seen him since. So the running thought is that the sowpig must have taken him. Well, I guess that means that if we want to meet with the sowpig...

- There's a way to do it. And I had a question about our journey. - Yeah. - Are we circumnavigating the carnival? - Yeah, you're going around the carnival. - So we've been moving in a pretty good clip. - Yeah, she's not at all interested in telling you where you are or what you're looking at. It's more designed for you to just look and explore. And I would say you, I guess, 'cause we're back into it, I would say you've noticed that

there are other swans in front of you and behind you and none of the other swans seem to be, I mean, they seem to be like chatting. They seem significantly more amicable than Featherine is. But they're not talking about what they're seeing. It's more just pleasant conversation, a nice relaxing ride. It's a way to get off your feet for a bit and just kind of enjoy an hour leisurely ride down the river. - I enjoy this ride. - Oh yeah.

I mean, it's good learning how to get the scoop on everything. This has been our most useful experience. You've been very illuminating, Feathering. Well, I'm so glad to hear that. I've really enjoyed your responses to my questions, Frost. I normally don't get involved in talking to the riders on these things, but you've piqued my interest. It was my pleasure. If you have any other questions, I'm happy to answer them. And I normally don't do that, but for you, she smiles at you.

I do have a question. Is it just for Frost? A friend of Frost is an acquaintance of mine. Oh, nice. So this weathervane that you say is important, I got two questions about the weathervane, actually. One, where's it located? Is it maybe the top of the big top? Oh, no. Mr. Light carries the weathervane on him at all times. Oh, he carries it around? Yes, it's like a magical staff. Oh, okay.

That's kind of cool. It's very similar in nature. All right. Have you met Mr. Light? We have not. I think you would like him. He's quite a jovial fellow. Where is his office, their office? Back behind the staff tents.

They have a carriage. Can anybody just walk back there? Of course not. You have to be invited specifically by them. Of course not. Can you believe what a silly question just called us? If you're able to impress Miss Light at the Big Top event in less than an hour, you might get an invitation to meet with them. How do we do that? They always ask for audience participation at the Big Top. And if you can do something to...

truly get his attention and makes him believe that you have a good chance at being in the running for the monarch, then he might invite you back to speak with him. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

Well, you already know who's going to be the monarch. It's going to be Hootsie, who's been here the whole time and is still balancing the pumpkin. It is highly unlikely they would ever crown an owlbear a beast of any nature. Well, that's what they always said. There's a first time for everything, right, Hootsie? Well, not this time. Well, maybe this time. You don't know that, Hootsie. No, it's definitely not this time. Don't listen to her. It's bird envy.

She's not a bird, she's more like a bear. That's what I mean. She's half bird and half mammal. I'm just saying it's kind of like a rivalry is what I'm guessing. Just because he's half genie, does that make him not a genie? You're half genie. Yeah, it's true. It's in the blood. Is that where all of your flaming chest hair comes from? Well, I guess it could be the human half, but it's probably unlikely.

I mean, look at him. You have a cow lick, by the way. No, it just does that. I haven't met any cows. What? I haven't met any cows. As you said, they didn't lick me. I don't think. He doesn't get licked by a cow is what he's trying to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did you meet these friends of yours? At a field carnival.

Oh. Well, we met in the jungle first, I think. Yes, he was hanging upside down by a rope. What a fool. Indeed. That's very funny. It was a tricky... To be fair, it's not entirely... It's mostly Hoochie's fault. I'm sorry, Hoochie.

Just gonna call it how I sees it. Why are you so curious about the weather vane? Oh, I mean, you just mentioned it was very powerful and rare and majestic, and I'm just wondering, why is it powerful? What can it do? Does it have any kind of special features or magic or ability? Oh, I know that it does. It has some tie to the carnival in some way, and...

I believe it's tied directly to the emotional state of the carnival, which is why Mr. Light is not pleased when the carnival dips anywhere below neutral. Oh, we can see which way the wind is blowing. That's pretty good. It's like a metaphor. Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah.

So if he were to lose it, or someone else were to get their hands on it, not that that would happen, but if it did, what might happen? Well, I'm sure he would be furious, and the entire carnival would go in search of whoever had stolen it. But it's not like, you know, they would stop owning the carnival or anything, you know? No, I think that's more likely if you were to get your hand on Mr. Witch's pocket watch.

Oh, okay, I see. So Mr. Lott has the weathervane and Mr. Witch has the pocket watch. Yes. Oh, got it. Write that down. Well, I think those are all my questions. Does Mr. Lott perchance have a white or pinkish mauve face paint with a diamond red on his cheek or his eye? It really just depends. He's quite flamboyant character. He loves color and

dressing up and makeup and all things fun and glamorous. That's a very, very detailed question. Why would you ask that in that order? Well, no, I saw the big clock tower and it was like... I think it really depends on his mood. Or I guess I should say the carnival's mood. Okay. I'm starting to piece things together, perhaps out of character. Well, I mean, we're looking at the same map that...

Us as human beings on Earth, all right. Oh, that's right! Oh, is this Mr. Woodland? I'm sorry, I can't see what you're trying to show me. I point to the faces on the map. This happiness tracker down here. If the map looks exactly like what the map is here, then... I'm on value. We're gonna start pushing you in and we're gonna start pushing you in. I don't remember what it looks like. Anyway. I would say on occasion, yes, Mr. Light would wear face paint that looked like that. All right.

Oh, in time? Mr. Witch. Yes. Oh, like a pocket watch. Oh, but the hourglass. We don't like that. That's spooky, right? I don't know. What's the difference? The hourglass coven? Oh, well, I don't know. Does that mean we hate all hourglasses? Oh, we gotta be wary of them. Maybe it's like a trademark or a calling card. A calling card.

Anyways, I'm done. That's enough questions from me. Hey, so what kind of stuff can we get involved in in the Big Top Extravaganza? Well, it'll start out as a simple Big Top.

extravagance, really. There'll be events for you to watch and things to do. And about halfway through, Mr. Light will come out and he will request audience participation. And should you get his attention with some performance you would like to provide at the carnival, he will allow you access to the big top ring you perform. And if you please him, then you are on the fast track to being the Witchlight Monarch.

And can request an audience with him if you so choose. Wow, that sounds pretty cool. We actually just wrote a really good play about the joys of building with magical reinforced straw and flamethrowers. So I think we just run that back. Fellas, what do you think? That sounds incredibly boring. It's actually pretty exciting. Oh, it's pretty exciting. What is a flamethrower? Oh, it's when you take flame and you go in a fireplace and you're like...

Ah! Ah, my hand! Wouldn't that burn your hand? Yeah, it does. It hurts real bad. Why would you do that? Well, because the character I was playing, his name was Phil, and he was a pigman.

What does the name Phil have to do with grabbing coals and throwing them at an enemy? Well, this is part of his character. He was quite the moron. What did you miss? Well, I mean, that's not for me to decide. It sounds like there's a 100% chance you burn yourself, but a significantly lower chance that you actually hit the enemy you're trying to damage them on. All I'm gonna say is the big bad wolf burned alive and all of the pigs ate wolf nuggets for supper. That's all I'm gonna say. Okay.

That sounds like a false plot. I think it was pretty cool. I think it was a pretty exciting play. I meant it opened the doors, so... Yeah, the door father was pretty good. What doors? Yeah, and the corn maze. Oh, those doors are set low for children. Oh, well, you know what they say. If you want to hear the truth, you go talk to a child. And if you want children to succeed, you make sure that the bar is set very low.

Who says that? Why would you want children to succeed? Well, we don't want to trap them in a corn maze for the rest of their existence. Well, no. I mean, if they can't get out of the corn maze, they deserve to be trapped in it. Wait, if that's built for children, why is there a turnip that turns them all lusty with giant breasts? Yeah, and why is there a scarecrow that responds to lustful intentions? He only became that because you carved that into the turnip. Oh.

- That was you. - The child would never-- - Foiled again by Scooby-Doo. - The child would never think that unless they'd already been introduced to it. - The entire purpose of that is a child would simply choose happy and sad. - Well, to be fair, I told Flossie to do happy kitty first. - So where does this lusty, busty mermaid come from? - Oh, I don't know. It was just a funny story. - Have you been spending time with Flossia? - No, but we've heard a lot about her. - Clearly. - Does she have any favorite snacks? - Clams. - Clams, okay.

That's why I didn't work out with the bomb. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow.

Hey, what? William! What did I know I was watching HBO? Candlefoot is upset. It had nothing to do with-- That was a bit of a snow nook, a snow nook, buddy. We just are passing, because we would be going all the way around, we're just passing the Hall of Illusion. You can see Candlefoot, as you're making that joke, be like,

Tiny Violet. You make a great mime, dude. You do. You put my mime to shame. I went to clown school. I know you did. I kind of want to go to clown school. It was fun. You could walk on a giant ball. How long did you go to clown school? It was like four weeks. Jesus.

Holy shit, it was four weeks? It was like a camp! How much did that cost? I didn't go to space camp! How much did it cost? I don't know! I was like eight! And you retired on gills? Juggling the fucking scarves and shit! I'd say swords, to be honest. Yeah, they gave eight-year-old swords. Yeah! Boom!

Hey, if you can't catch it, you deserve your fate, alright? All I wanna say is no wonder you are the way you are. I was that way before I went to fucking classical. I love Dino Cat says, I thought that clown camp was a joke. Is it not? No, it's not a joke. It's something Derek actually did in his real life. Amazing. And I can still kinda juggle. Kind of.

Oh, God. Yes, sir. Well, if that's all, I guess we can continue the remainder of the ride in silence. Okay. All right. You can respond to me in your mind, Featherina. We can have a conversation. It's Featherine. We can have a conversation, Featherina, and...

It's Featherine. It's not Featherina. This is going to be the third time I've corrected you. It's Featherine. Are you sure it's not Featherina? It's my name, of course I'm sure. I'm communicating telepathically with Featherina. You can't eat his ears. It's Featherine.

Oh, I actually couldn't hear you over the rushing water in my hooded robe. I'm using my mind powers to speak with Featherine. If you wouldn't mind, we can sit in silence, but you and I might have an intellectual conversation for the remainder of this ride and enjoy pondering the nature of reality and interesting questions. Oh, we would love that very much. Do you have anything that you would like to

to question me about. Nothing specific to the carnival. I thought you were coming up with questions like time is an illusion and these kinds of ideas. Yes. Would you be interested in these similar pursuits? I just said yes. Oh. What is... Ponder this. What is the most difficult or important question ever asked? Grubgo, you still got any more of that sandwich? LAUGHTER

She thinks for a bit. She sits in silence while they do whatever they're going to do, and I think about this. Can I have some of it? I mean, are you sure? I mean, I'll get some food. Oh, I'm being such a nice guy. Here's your gift. Oh, do you know how much this is worth to me? I haven't had a goblin so far in so long.

Oh, uh, well, I'm gonna level with you. I was just gonna tear bits and pieces off of it and see how far I can throw it from. Oh, I was gonna ask you if you could do that! See, the perfect throwing! Okay, here you go! Oh, gosh, this is... Okay. So I'll bet you 20 electric pieces. No, wait, how much is that? I don't know. 20 electric pieces. You can't hit the guy with the stupid-looking toy right over there. What do you think? I'm in. Okay.

- Easy. - 20 lectrum. - A roll and acrobatic, athletics. - Don't mind if I do. - Pretty good. - If he misses, he hits Duncan. - Please miss, please miss, please miss, please miss. - 24.

You take one of these Impossibles and you wind up and you throw it and it whizzes past child, parent, two lovers walking hand in hand. Yeah, Jesus, you pervert. Aiming directly for, aiming directly for what was it that you were?

that you advised him to try and hit? - That guy with the stupid looking tie. - Yeah, the guy with the stupid looking tie, but it's not a tie, it's a bow tie. And as he turns around, you see the big round ball on his nose as he honks it and his tie squirts water at the children in front of him as they clap.

Immediately as this impossible smacks him in the face, you watch as you can't see this, but you imagine the bird spin around his head. His head lolls this way and that he goes to say something, but his eyes roll back in his head and he falls over dead.

Can you please move the happiness tracker down one as the children watch the death of a clown? Again? Again? Again? I had thought I'd set my pigeon arm to stun. Stop joking around, Clutzy. Clutzy? You don't know by now that clowns are very weak spinal cord. What's going on with Clutzy?

It's just like that. Why is he laughing like that, Mom? There's air escaping from his body. Children, run! Did anyone see us do that? Oh, God, we've got to get out of here. Can you hurry up? We're about to fly. Swim fast or something.

We gotta go! We're at a set pace. I do have an answer to your question. Oh, thank God. I don't think she saw me doing it. It is the answer that you were hoping for. You were thinking. I think it would be the question of why. For everything has a why. And the answer will be different depending on who asks and who answers. That guy doesn't have a why anymore. That is a phenomenal answer. I wish I had some reward for you the same way you

gave us so much insight into the nature of... Would you like to have sex behind the shed? I'm just kidding, he doesn't say that to you. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Well, you know, when I came to the Witch Lake Carnival, you could have given me a million guesses about what I do here. But fucking a gigantic sentient swan is not one of my guesses I ever would have had. How are your back feathers? Are they still filthy? No.

I can see. There's a little bit of marinara mixed with tuna mayo back there.

Oh, no. I thank her very kindly for the answer. And if there's more time, then I would go back and forth. Yeah, she would ask you things. You would ask her things. And you make your way around this...

You, whatever your name is. Frost. It's Frost-uh. Moring Fong. Moring Fong. It's M-F-U-N. It writes itself.

It's Emma. Can you roll intelligence, throw it for me, please? Oh, intelligence. Intelligence, check. Check, check, check. That's where he's a Viking. I was about to get feeble-minded. Shit. You are too smart for your own good. Just straight in. And she melts your mind.

I'm not rolling hot. 16. Oh, that's fine. You are making your way around this, and she's around this lazy river, and she is casually talking with you, and just randomly she says, Would you like to know one of my favorite things about running, being a part of the Gondola Swans? Yeah, happily, yes. Please. Are we still in the mine place? No, she's talking irregularly. Do you have a favorite number? Um...

No, but I have a number that seems to be coming up again and again in a pattern. A fixation of a number, let's say. So do I. The number eight. Oh. If you notice, the entire carnival is shaped like an eight. The lazy river shaped like an eight. Eight is a symbol of infinity. When I was younger, my favorite number was three. It's interesting to think that threes pushed together create an eight. Don't you think?

Now Frost thinks that she's coming on to him. You may be wondering how I got here. About to push my three into the filthy back feathers of a giant talking swan at the

At the dragonfly ride, they were also going in a figure eight. And let me tell you, the number I was so fixated, that I am so fixated by, is currently three. That is quite interesting. I think we've met for a reason. Yes, I would agree. I would say that it is fate. Two minds meeting by fate. A cat and a swan.

Sounds very fairytale-esque. Ah, yes, at the Witchlight Carnival. Anyway, the ride's over now. Get out. Hey, everybody. Chuckles here. It's time for an ad read. This podcast is brought to you by our very own Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legendsofadventures and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon-exclusive campaign set on the high seas.

Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to thecrookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more! Thank you so much, I'll see you around!

Are we just going to ignore the fact that he just killed a man? Keep your voice down. We can't confirm that. No, I think he was pretending. It's a classic pratfall of these clowns over here. Yeah, give that guy some laughing, Taffy. They're not invulnerable. They've still been like that. And we know from experience. No, no, no. That man was dead. That didn't even snap in half, all right? Not that. Bobo.

is legendary. Excuse me, the ride has come to an end. There's about 15 minutes until the big top show. If you're planning on

If you're planning on impressing Mr. Light, you might want to consider thinking about what you're going to do once the event starts. Oh, do we have to come in with a plan or just tell us what to do? No, we will ask if anyone in the audience has some trick or performance they would like to perform in hopes of gaining favor for Witch-Light Monarch. I got a trick I can do. I can throw a meatball so hard it kills somebody. I'm not sure that would impress. As for you, Frost, if you

ever find yourself looking for more intellectual friendships, please, further rides are free. Oh, thank you for the ride. For you. If there's time, I will be back here. You will... I would love to see you again. You will hear...

as I pull up a stool and I stand up and I kind of get in the way in between the swan and Frost. And I'll say, "Now, Frosty and I'll probably be busy doing the word jumble. Very intellectual pursuit on the coloring page with our crown. Thank you very much. Very intellectual. And he even lets me do the word search on me own for the first 20 minutes before he helps. Very intellectual."

Okay, good boy, thank you for the ride. Congratulations. I hopped out. It was a pleasure, Featherine. It was lovely to meet you, Frost. Enjoy the rest of the Witchlight Carnival and good luck. We have to make our way. We gotta lay low, all right? Why? Hopefully they'll clean them up. What do you mean, why?

I was talking to Featherene, what happened? Gideon killed a clown! Wait, wait, no, this is-- he's probably not dead! It's a very classic pratfall amongst these edgier clowns who are a little bit more experienced. They're like, "Oh, I'm gonna pretend to die so the kids go cry, and when I come back alive, oh, they give me lots of money!"

For me booze. I hope I'm wrong. Stop killing clowns. That's what I said. Listen. Please, please. Well, but let's also not glance over the fact that you owe me 20 electrons. Oh, what's the conversion rate? I don't know. I actually don't know what 20 electrons is. Look, that's not your gold. That's Mr. Guru's gold. Don't you fucking touch that gold. Right? I'm an IOU.

Oh, this is like the carnival. This is like our carnival all over again. Don't use your ticket. You're going to be taken by some slam pig in a moment. Keep it in game, Derek. Keep it in game. I've been waiting to drop that one for you. Two and a half hours.

Self-restraint that I have. I want everyone to know. To know. Uh... Okay. Um...

Jesus Christ, there's something seriously wrong with you guys. There you go. Alright. Thank you. Oh, I didn't sign it. Oh, yeah, sign it. We gotta be able to collect. Okay, so we... Anyway, we don't know that I killed that guy. We just know that I hit him real hard. I didn't realize it when I threw that.

I was gonna break the sound barrier and then his neck. I just thought I was gonna hit him with the squishy meatball and bounce off of him and I would just be like, yeah, look at that accuracy. Are you sure you killed him and in the distance you can hear him? 20 and a half. Thank you.

Look, all I'm saying is I'm not saying that you were meant to kill him. The amount of times you've accidentally killed someone, it's ridiculous. I don't think he's dead. I mean, come on. It's a carnival. Nothing bad can happen here. Can we walk and talk? No, we're walking towards the... We've got to make sure that he's okay. No, we have 15 minutes to get to the pig top. But Bozo, we've got to just check on Bozo real quick. I think it was a klutz in. I don't want to go over there. Oh, God.

The next time I get haunted... You know the name of the man you killed. Oh, is Bozo the next one? The next time I get haunted by the last person I killed, I want it to be kind of like a, you know, like they don't know who I am. They don't know why they're there, you know? Gideon, remember the number eight. Oh.

There will be six more of us. Oh, no. Instead of my seven evil exes, it's like my eight evil dead ghosts that also happen to all be clowns. God. If this becomes a thing, I'm going to lose my mind. Garrett.

Every time, when we ever have combat, I'm gonna kill like a... I need you to make a wisdom saving throw for me, please, at disadvantage. Oh, shit. I gotta get my Miami dice. Natural 20, okay. Two in a row. Two in a row. Disadvantage? Okay. Well, that's pretty good. 20. Okay. Uh, well, we gotta go check on Kotzi to make sure he's alright. Oh, hold on. One thing that I wanna clear up is I wear a bow tie.

Oh, yours is a very nice boat, Todd. This guy had a stupid-looking boat. I couldn't see that he was a clown. I didn't know that Gideon has an arm that is a clown-seeking missile thrower. Are you getting him to do it?

do it. You better election people. I didn't think a plant-based, if that was genuine muskrat meat, it would have splattered on his face. The children would have laughed. The goblins would have laughed. I like where you're going with this. He had, so he actually survived the impact.

But he had an allergic reaction to fake processed vegan food. Oh, it was basically synthetic. Yeah, I didn't actually do it. It was just triggering his allergy inadvertently. I'm like those fry shops at the boardwalk. You know the allergies. Just like that. They put fans behind the fries to attract customers. I know. I was having an intellectual conversation and I turn around and you've killed another clown with an impossible.

I'm going to the big dog. If you guys want to go to investigate this new body, that's fine. But I feel very strongly that we need to be there. That it faded. Yeah, I mean, what am I going to do about that clown? Well, actually, we can take him to the pig. I think he's already disposed of. No! Grit, go roll a wisdom saving throw at disadvantage, please. Okay. And we don't perceive any of anything going on inside.

Look, I agree. I think we do what we can. We gotta impress Mr. Witch and Mr. Light, and I think with our abilities, it's gonna be easy compared to all of you. May I twist? You may not. I will twist of dread you. To make it impossible for you to twist. Thirteen. Okay, you will fail. You immediately feel your body start to tense up, and the rest of you don't really notice, but Gricko does get a little stiffer as he starts to move a little slower. Gricko, you begin to see things that the others do not.

you see a strange shadowy woman that has a, she's colors of purples, blues and grays. And on her face is a mask shaped like a crescent moon. You see a tiny, almost frog-like creature as it moves towards you, licking its lips. It's clearly humanoid in some way. It looks like a mix between a child and a, and a, a Bullywug. And then you see

the sow pig. As it moves towards you, almost jittering, as if it's moving through space and time in a different way than the rest of you are moving through this carnival. It stops next to you, it looks up and it says, "Where's your ticket?" - Oh! - I knew it was happening right away. - I totally didn't. - Oh, my ticket, oh! - And you realize you can't speak, but you are verbally communicating, you're communicating with your mind.

But you are frozen, you can't move. You should be. Do we see him freeze? You do not. Oh, am I able to respond? Yes, you can respond. Oh, with your mind. You are frozen in space, you can respond with your mind. I just want to apologize in advance for what is happening here, but this is your fault, so. Oh, bah, bah, bah, bah.

Oh, my ticket. My buddy Gideon is holding on to it. I have it there. It's right there in his pocket. Did you give your ticket away? Oh, no. The ink is really what I was just showing him. You're not allowed to be in the carnival without a ticket. She's not happy about this. Oh, no. The rule of reciprocity means that if you sneak in...

We take something of yours. And she reaches out and touches Hootsie. And in the span of a second, all of it is gone and you're able to move. Hootsie is nowhere to be seen. Hootsie! Hootsie!

- Hey, Griggo, did you just say slam pig? - Can we stop saying that first of all? - What happened to Ootsie? - What did the slam pig do to Ootsie? - Hey, also, I don't know if you realize this, but-- - And so for you, those of you that were not Griggo, it's almost as if time stopped. And so essentially how that worked is time stopped, you felt frozen, and because you did not have a ticket,

This entity, sow pig, is able to take something from you, one of your most treasured items. And as Hootsie is your most treasured item, the sow pig has taken Hootsie from you for not having your ticket at the carnival. And I'm not aware of this as Frost, but for my meta, and you don't have to answer, the sow pig is the same creature that we saw in the mirror. Okay.

- Okay. - But there was two other things with it? - But you also saw two other entities. - One was a frog. - I will actually show you a photo of what they look like. - It was a moon masked woman and a, like a caged mullywug. - It will make it a lot easier if I just show you what they look like. - Oh man. Well, there's three of them. That's cool. That's not important. - Certainly not a coven.

These are the things that you save. Oh my god. Oh no. So it is like, it's like half frog, half person. Yeah. Like, oh no. I'm gonna put it on the, once you're done looking at it. Oh jeez. What is it with you and Coven's packs? Oh no! Watch Coven if I've ever seen one, holy cow. Oh wow.

This is straight from the medulla, yes? Yes, this is straight from the medulla. Oh, look at that. That's like a... Oh, no. Tree... Like a Yoda bug. Tree creature, man. It looks like Clone Wars Yoda. Wow. I'm a soldier.

- Tree creature man, dude. - I'm the nearest starship, focus your fire. - Fuck. - Just say what you mean, Yoda. We're at war, we're gonna die. - So anyway, just to clear everything up, for you three, it was as if time stopped.

And in that span of the stopping of time, Gricko was able to see things that move between, almost as if they're moving between time itself. And they were able to come up out of the carnival. The other two lurked in the shadows while Saupig came up and took what was owed to the carnival for not possessing a ticket, not having a ticket in your possession while inside, but while being inside the ground. - Hey, Gricko.

And then time reactivates. So it would be like we, to us, we'd just be walking in all of a sudden Hootsie like blips from existence. Yes.

Where did she just go? No, the pig mask girl. And she came and she had a lollipop and there was a frog. It wasn't really a frog. It was like a really creepy homunculus thing. And then there was a really creepy, the tallest one was a moon mask. It was very, very witchy.

What in the shadow of a feather? What are you talking about? Oh, and that is a good question. You see that the little pumpkin that Hootsie was holding is now just resting on the ground. Oh! Oh my gosh. No, I did this. Why did they do that? Why did they take her? I don't know. I thought that if we just all had the tickets, it was fine. So it's because you didn't have a ticket. I mean, I have a ticket. I'll just give...

I know it's an IOU. Well, what I was gonna say is that Mr. Guerrero. Yeah.

That's probably, I throw you like way more than 20 Electrum pieces. What I was going to say is you didn't even write 20 Electrum on here. You just drew two giant breasts. No, I didn't. I wrote Electrum on this. Look at this right here. Tell me these are not just two giant breasts you drew here. I mean, those look like Scurvy Dave's mermaid tits. That's right. No, no, look. It's an I and it's an O and it's a U-tree. Uh-huh.

I've never seen any eyes like that. No, look, he said L-X-T-R-M. L-X-T-R-M is what he wrote, so that's just how he spelled Electrum. As soon as you get the ticket back to Gricko, he may have... Who's he returned to him? Well, okay, all right. Take the... Yeah, I mean, he gave me the... He gave me the... What? I threw one impossible and you killed a clown because he had a bow tie. No, he had a stupid... Anyway, you know,

"The Muppet's gone!" Graco, you found your ticket. "Oh, my ticket! Oh my goodness. It was right, it was literally a foot and a half from me. Me old lad Gideon was going to hold onto it while I washed my hands of candy floss like that young raccoon gentleman." Did they ask you what your prized possession was?

No. Did they present you options to give to them? No, they just took Hoot Seek. So they stole Hoot Seek. They stole Hoot Seek! Well, that's like rule three or something. They can't steal. I can make it a pass, though. Wait, do they work for the carnival or not? How does this work? I think it's punishment. I mean, he did something bad, and then that was the punishment. But wouldn't that imply that this is endorsed by Mr. Witch and Mr. Light?

Well, now I gotta speak to him. Well, so maybe, maybe we'll go to the big top. You know, I don't know, set Frost on fire or something. It'll be very exciting. We've never done that before. Well, that's why it'll be exciting. It'll be new. The screams will be real. I already know what I'm doing at the big top. Oh, we're doing individual...

Okay. Well, I thought it was kind of a group thing, but okay. No, keep going. Yeah, and then, you know, I don't know. You do some cartwheels, and it'll be very flashy. We'll, you know, we'll become, listen, listen, we'll become the monarch. We'll get with Mr. Wedge, Mr. Light. We'll find these couple of, you know, rambunctious scams, the frog thing you're talking about. Oh,

You know, when we get him... It was like a really gross little green thing. Oh, Froggy's an insult. I'm sorry, Mr. Froggy, my spirit. I'm sorry for comparing. I'll kneel down and I'll pick up the pumpkin. For real, I think that you have to carry this for Hootsie. I know you're hurting right now. I'm sorry, friend. You're right, Frosty.

If Archerid is pumpkin, then logic dictates that I will fulfill her pact and they will have to return Hootchi at the end of the carnival. According to Fae logic, I think. There's rules to this, yes. There's definitely a pattern. And when you gave your ticket away, they jumped on us immediately. Jumped on you. We're all in this together. You've seen the pain in the others who have experienced this and now you are yet another victim.

Let's go to the big top and see if we can impress Mr. Witch and Mr. Light and win an audience with them. And they can probably help. They know all that's going on. That raises a lot of questions we should be very careful about. If they're in cahoots, then we will... Hoots! Oh! Frosty! Oh! Oh, you dummy! For someone so smart! Oh!

It was right there. It's a different kind of smart. Hootsie the Cahootie. Oh! Oh! Hold on, Brickle. That reminds me. Didn't you originally steal Hootsie from this exact carnival eight years ago? I did! Oh!

Is this what they call just desserts? I mean, maybe this is sort of the reciprocity thing happening. You know what I mean? Oh, eight years delayed. Oh, eight years. Eight hags. Eight clowns. Look, we can try to get it back. What I'm worried about... It has been eight years, hasn't it?

Is that, when we get to the big top, I was planning on our big ace up our sleeves was gonna be a dancing owlbear. Who can say no to that? That's what I'm saying. She was our tour de force. I mean, we can come up with something decent, I guess, but without Hootsie, she's sort of the centerpiece of the whole operation. I imagine it's a performance by individuals. They talk about awarding a crown. How are they gonna award four of us a crown if we work together?

Well, if we appear as Carnivore LeCrew, maybe they can give a crown to Carnivore LeCrew and then just, you know, we'll put it on a nice shelf somewhere. We're going to have to play it by ear. There's perhaps minutes left before we enter the Big Top and attempt to participate. Uh-oh. Rico, you're going to be all right. We're going to solve this. We're going to get Hootsie back, and you're going to feel all the better. Yeah, and you know what? When we find those things that took Hootsie, I'm going to punch one of them.

real hard. I hope you, I mean you should probably punch the pig, but that frog had a really stupid looking face. Yeah. Can you punch all three of them? I'll punch all three of them. Unless I get the sense there's some kind of combined horror boy, I'll achieve one. If I hit him, I'll explode into dust. I think that that actually might be the case. I won't hit him, but if I get the sense that I can hit him and get away with it, it's gonna be alright for you. Do you think they have corn frogs in the big tub?

I feel confident about it. - Well, we can at least pick one up on the way. I think we do have a little bit of time. - Loudly booming over the carnival, you hear the- - I'm out of time. - You hear the sound of the calliope boom out loud, boisterous music as you hear

Big Top Extravaganza! Tonight at midnight, prepare to be delighted! Who will be crowned our Witchlight Monarch? Join us in the Big Top just before dawn to find out. Is it 11pm? It is probably 11.55. Oh, wow, it's already midnight. I guess that makes sense. We got here at 8 o'clock and four hours later...

Just as long as nobody all fades away into ghosts at midnight, I think we're going to be fine. Let's make our way. All right, so we're all going to do our best to win. It doesn't matter as long as one of us wins. We can get an audience, hopefully all four of us, with either Mr. Witch and Mr. Light or both of them. And then we can plead our case about Hootsie. And I guess that halfling too, but I mean, they can't like that. That's going to be bad for business if they're not associated with the carnival. There are many pleads that I would make.

Pleadings. That's not quite the right word. There are many things we need to learn from the two who run. No D. Thank you, please. The two who run this carnival. We need to learn more about what this Kenku is up to. The nature of the centaur who we promised we would help. Oh, shit. Is somebody keeping track of all these? I have it right up here. So we got to deal with this and get to the fucking farewell? All right, all right.

All right. Hold on. I just had the greatest idea. Oh. If we help all of these people get their people back, then they will have to help us get Hootsie. Uh-huh. Imagine if we solved the problem, what's happening to these people? We'll have gotten Hootsie back in the first place. Well, I think we can, whatever happens, we can try to make a deal. Yay!

And that's where I'm a Viking, as Frost says. What does that even mean? I don't really know, but he says that when he's good at something. Yeah. Sometimes I also say, oh, it's a donkey.

I remember, I mean, when we would travel all the time, he would say, I'll be sleeping, he'd say, oh, wake up, oh, look, it's a donkey. I'm like, oh, no, Frost, I've seen donkeys before, I know they don't have many of them in Yulong. They're just hilarious, especially when they get drunk on fermented fruit. I mean, I know it's quite charming, but I've seen so many donkeys.

I like donkeys. There you go. I like them almost as much as our friend Kremi likes unicorns. Oh, I really do. I haven't found a good person to tell that to, but I like unicorns. It's two people carrying a stretcher with a dead clown on it. Oh, no. It is. Oh, no. He's like, I see.

Clutzy the clown, may he rest in peace. Come on, Grigome. All right. Do you want one of us to carry you? No, I can walk because I have to hold, carry this pumpkin with me own two hands and me own two feet for Utsi. Everyone keep their ticket on them. All right, don't lose it. Let's go.

Keep right here. Yes. Very smart. My robe doesn't have any pockets. You make your way towards the big top. The roof of this tent reaches towards the night sky and three swooping peaks topped with spinning golden stars. Painted wooden panels in the tent walls whirl with colorful motion, displaying vibrant circus performances. The sound of music and laughter drifts out through the canvas door. Do you think this cost a ticket? Like a punch?

I don't see anyone there taking punches. This feels like one of those free kind of carnival I would say it's easy to see that this is a free event. Beginning, middle, end are the free ones. Were there any corn frogs on the way?

- Looking inside, just glancing inside, you see that there are, that there are dryad like entities that are making their way throughout and they have little trays of confections and different beverages and food, candy popcorn, some candy floss.

You do see a tray of fairy cakes. I look for something savory that would be the closest equivalent to a corn frog. Oh, they definitely have corn frogs on a stick. Oh, I grab four. A corn frog, Griggo. Oh, thank you for staying. You're a real lad. Did you get his French ransom?

They were surprisingly out. Apparently it had been carted off to a sad child somewhere on the other side of the carnival. Standing behind you, a very tall Dryad looks down and says, We've got French dressing. Oh, thank you! Do you want some? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes an acorn and pours some French dressing into the acorn and passes it to you. Do you have a large size? Enough that we could take a bath in it for a day. Oh yeah, that'd be great!

- Hmm. - What? - Like if you were gonna take like a popcorn bucket and fill it with French dressing, would you be able to do that? - If you can give me a minute. - Oh, that would be lovely, thank you. - What are we gonna do with that much French dressing?

- Probably let someone drink it, I don't know. Who's asking? - He makes his way towards the back. You see that there's an exit towards what is clearly the dressing room and the stage hand area. And you even see a ways past, I'll say the way that it opens, 'cause this is quite a large dryad. The way that you see it open, you can see that there is clearly a carnival wagon that says, "Witch-like carnival, Mr. Witch and Mr. Light" back behind the big top. And you see,

Burly, the bugbear, standing outside of the staff tent, as well as the dressing area, as the flap closes and your sight is cut off. And it takes like five minutes or so, but eventually the dryad comes back out with a very large pumpkin that has been hollowed out and filled with French dressing. Thank you very much. Look at that, Gregor. Oh! They have a room of dressing. Wonderful! A room of dressing! A dressing room, a dressing area. Oh!

Oh, dressing room. Oh, shark. Oh, is that what a French dressing is? Oh!

I got you six more corn frogs for your French dressing, Rico. Eat up, buddy. I know how much you love it. I must have been thinking of something else. That was a dialogue. I look at the guy from the pumpkin. I just turn around.

I place the pumpkin down by the trash can. I throw the completely doused corn frog. Thank you, Frosty. There you go, there you go. Just like Uncle Globo used to make.

The tent is filling up quickly. You find your seats, you sit down, you are able to get, have quite a few confections and some bubbling drinks and the mood here is high. The mood of the carnival, even though a clown has been killed recently, is still high. It's a group of children. Right, it helped improve the mood. It was a horrible showman. This show's good. I don't know.

But it is filling up very quickly. It feels like most of the people at the carnival have made their way here. This is quite the attraction. As the lights dim and a hush falls over the crowd, a second later, a spotlight illuminates a lithe elven figure sitting in a silver hoop.

suspended above the center ring by silk robes. The elf wears a dazzling suit of diamond-paned mirrors and a pair of butterfly wings. His scepter is topped with a spinning vane. "Welcome one and all to this evening's extravaganza! I am Miss Delight! Prepare to be delighted!" He spreads his arms out and begins to fly out into the air, the weather vane spinning in one hand.

It is with an unfortunate tone that we must set the stage today with an in memoriam for Clutzy the Clown. - Okay, I'm in. - May he rest in peace. - They even like that guy? - But now let's have fun as the carnival begins!

He slowly lowers himself down. He is incredibly thin, incredibly tall. His face is completely painted with opalescent makeups. He is bright and glamorous and he looks like he is, being in the spotlight is his favorite thing in the entire world. As he spins his weather vane and smiles,

He rushes up to people and makes bubble animals just by simply blowing on his weather vane. The kids cheer and clap. He looks towards one of the people in the crowd and he says, "What is your wildest dream? What is your wish?" And they look up at him almost stunned. "I know what it is. I need you to roll a d8. One of you. Just roll a d8." Oh, a d8. Do you give me-- I find the switching between two documents.

The Firefly Circus, let it begin! He blows, once again, a massive bubble out of his mouth and you see inside of it hundreds of fireflies. Wow.

swirling around and sparkling. As it flies up into the air, he slowly sinks back into the shadows. The bubble pops, the fireflies shoot all over the room as they begin to perform a circus for you. You see a genie, or an ogre, dressed like a djinn as he makes his way out and sets up these tiny ferris wheels and

a hamster that's dressed like a lion, and these fireflies perform a small circus for everyone as everyone claps and cheers. - Oh, tiny hamster. - Pretty good.

You enjoy the Firefly Circus for a bit. Mr. Light eventually comes back out. He performs a routine as he dangles from silken ropes. He sings a song that's almost a haunting melody where everybody in the place begins to lull back and forth, almost as if in a trance, just staring at his utter perfection before pointing at yet another person in the crowd and asking them what their wildest dreams are. Please roll another d8. I got this one.

I think we each get two if I understand the reality of the universe. Where's my d8? I want a very specific d8. There it is. Keep me honest, you get it. Well, it's a one. It's a one again. Should I re-roll? Re-roll. If it's the same number, re-roll. Four.

Just for you, the satyr fiddler takes the stage. And you watch as a satyr fiddler moves out into the middle. He is quite beautiful. His outfit is covered in nothing but vines and flowers. No, no cloth, no leathers, no shoes. He's dressed purely in greenery as he pulls out a fiddle made from cotton

curling oak in wood. It looks as if it was naturally formed and grown into a fiddle, not carved in any way whatsoever. The strings on it are these beautiful taut vines. As he begins to play,

The bow that he's using is not like any bow that you've ever seen. What would normally be hair, horse hair normally, is a beautiful stained glass like butterfly wing that he uses to stroke the vines as he begins to play. And up out of the ground arise what look like stone

small plant-like creatures that dance and move. And as they move towards people in the crowd, they're overcome with this feeling of the need to dance. I need you all to roll a wisdom saving throw for me, please. Oh, this isn't nefarious. 13. Am I proficient at that? 15, 15. Sorry, I can't do math. 15. Should we be twisting? It's up to you. We got him.

- You got seven. - I don't want my mind to be addled. I'm gonna never let it ride. - Eight. - 22. - Gricko, Cremie, you are not touched by this music. You're not overcome by it, but Gideon and Frost,

This music is powerful. You feel, even though there are no drums, the stomping of these dancing plant creatures as they make their way throughout the crowd resonates within your chest and you feel the beat, the eternal beat, as you are overcome with the need to dance. You both rise, you among many, many others in this place, as you feel the need to dance.

Wow, this is uh... quite a... What are y'all doing? It's dancing, you can't recognize it? You don't feel compelled to slide to the left? No. Slide to the right? No. Yeah. Clap your hands three times. I like that Gideon's doing like a little shimmy, a little shimmy-shimmy shake, that sort of deal, but... Yeah.

I mean, are you being magically compelled to do this? I mean, the song's all right, but it's not that good. I can stop at any time. All right, go ahead and stop. Well, I don't want to stop. Listen to the music, though. It's a banger. You know, it kind of slaps a little bit, Kremit. I can stop, but I don't want to. I'll get a straw. The song continues.

And eventually the satyr makes his way back behind the curtains and Mr. Light comes back out. He performs another routine where he's hanging from these beautiful silver rings and he's flitting and dancing between them. All the while, glitters raining down over the crowd. Butterflies alight into the air and flap their wings. The iridescent stained glass nature of them catching the lights and causing a kaleidoscope of rainbow light to wash over the crowd.

The sounds of "ooohs" and "ahs" are booming throughout this place. It is a spectacle. As he once again moves towards someone in the crowd, this time he descends from the ceiling right in front of you, Frost, and he asks you that question: "Let me know what it is that you dream." And without even saying a word, you feel your mind go to all of these places. I need you to roll a d8 for me, please. Two.

And for my rolls, one plus two is three. I love threes! I love threes! He smiles and winks at you, and you see that he looks at you and then he looks at the rest of you. And you see a smile on his face that he hasn't done to any of the other contestants.

almost as if recognizing you, having heard about you, noticing you, as he once again ascends back to the top of the Big Top. And a small hat box is brought out into the very center of the Big Top, and it sits there. Everybody watches. There's almost an uncomfortable silence for a moment.

One minute, two minute passes. And then finally the hat box begins to rise up on a silver thread. It looks like sparkling spider silk that is carrying the hat box up towards the, up towards the, um, the top of the big top. And you see that this hat box has a lid on either side.

And just as it lifts about halfway up through the big top, both of the lids fall off and inside of it is a tiny halfling contortionist that begins to bend and twist themselves inside of this hat box. The box far too small for them, but their lithe abilities allowing them to contort themselves into all of these different positions. They make the letters of the alphabet.

And then you hear a chorus of very small chipmunks off to the side begin to sing nursery rhymes and children's songs as the halfling contortionist performs visually what the songs are portraying inside this tiny hat box in the very center of this big top. And everybody cheers. It is quite amazing.

That's pretty good. Did you see how long that halfling was in that box? Wow. This is so much better than our carnival. It's remarkably better. It's just amazing. That halfling sure can't hold their breath long enough. Well, I don't see you... What? Oh, for the box trick? Yeah, that was the whole trick. We went through so many escape artists. Ha ha ha!

and look i didn't see you finding any singing chipmunks to bring in the car that's your whole deal oh no i just had the one gerbil that tried to sing and it was just it's dr and then repeat yeah those are such beautiful singing chipmunks also we're like four performances in by now i feel like you would already be escorting most of the audience out

for the next round of the show and collecting the nickels, exactly right. How you gonna make money if your show goes on and on and on? You gotta cycle the crowd through. The entire crowd is clearly here. There's no crowd to cycle through. This is such an extravaganza that no one was willing to miss this. As once again, Mr. Light descends from the roof of the big top, reaches out to an audience member and I need you to roll a d8 for me, please. I've rolled mine too.

- Five. - You would get five. A troop of eight, no wait, seven clowns.

emerges from the back room. You can clearly see that there should have been eight, but one of them, dear Clutzy, is missing. As they pull a large cannon towards the center of the big top, and you see that there is a large sign on it that says, rest in peace, Clutzy, you will be missed. As all seven of the clowns climb into the top of the cannon, into the barrel of the cannon, Mr. Witch,

descends from the ceiling again on that same silken spider's thread, descending like the fool. Um,

hanging by his leg as he ignites a match and lights the cannon. He takes the handle and he begins to spin and spin and spin as the cannons turning and turning and turning with a loud pop, a clown shoots into the air doing flips and acrobatic tricks as it pops and burst into glitter. Another one does the same. They tumble, they dive.

Oh god you think it's cuz I prompted this one my greatest desire is to be is to slaughter a triple clown?

Number five is troop of eight clowns launching themselves through a magic cannon. I love it. Wait, do you think that my desire actually had the cannon blow up? There were supposed to be eight clowns tonight, Gideon. You're fucking with the numbers. Why do you hate clowns? What do clowns do to you? Tell us about your... Oh, I actually heard Gideon's... I know why Gideon hates clowns. Why? What? We don't have the time for this.

This is truly an insane clown porsee.

- They're flying into the air and just so I have the correct visual, they do disappear into fireworks. - They do look like they disappear into fireworks. You're seeing that as they explode into like glitter and lights, it creates butterflies and stars and beautiful flowers as it shimmers.

you notice is just as quickly they tumble and land with a flourish on the ground before re-placing themselves into the cannon. As Mr. Light spins it and spins it and spins it, they shoot this way and that, bursting and then materializing back on the ground to do it all over again. - Can I request that the seventh one just to really salt the wound for Gideon be the face of Kletze as it like came out? - Absolutely.

- No, what I will say is at the very-- - In firework form. - No, Frosty, it's no-- - At the very, very end, they all load themselves back into the cannon and Mr. Light spins them even faster, even faster, even faster. They all shoot out at the same time. And in unison, their beautiful firework spectacle creates an immemorium to Clutzy. His face smiling, his nose honking as they all

tumble down into a solemn prayer-like motion as a hush falls over the crowd, a moment of silence for a clown lost this day. Who knew he was allergic to impasseballs?

You know, I'm just gonna say it, they seem weirdly okay that he's dead. I mean, he was clearly murdered. They don't care. They don't care. What is with you? They used to be good at crime. They're wearing makeup. Look at their faces. They're actually doing like... Right by Rianchi. Exactly. Look, again, I'm saying we got out of wanting murder a long time ago. We went clean with the carnival, you understand? Yeah.

I don't understand. I think this is another manslaughter situation. Clownslaughter. What? Clownslaughter. You're right. They're not men. They're clowns. What if it was the pig, the frog, and the moon? What do you mean? What killed Clutzy if it wasn't...

It was very clearly Gideon. If it wasn't Gideon, especially not because I didn't suggest it, I said, get the guy next to him with the stupid tie. I thought it was a stupid neck tie, not a bow tie. Bow ties are cool, Grammy. I feel like we're going to have this conversation. Oh, the memoriam is still going on. Oh, the chipmunks are singing. Ah, we love you.

- I'm just saying like, it's always like-- - Bridge over troubled water begins. - It just feels like this happens a lot and it was ready to have an in-memory for a clown. Isn't that kind of weird? - You're all missing a huge opportunity here. As they walk away, they sing send out the clown. - They do, yes, you're right. That's exactly what happens.

As the clown extravaganza comes to a close, once again, another audience member is queried. Please roll a d8 for me, please. Oh, as you. What haven't we gotten? Two? Three, six, seven, and eight. Three. Immediately, you hear Flight of the Bumblebee begin to play as...

Out from the curtains behind, you expect to see something significantly larger. What's happening? You don't see anything at all until you realize it is a pixie chariot race. It's two pixies, one in red, one in blue, begins to race around the,

the entire big top, some of the dryads that are milling about begin to start taking bets. Are you for blue? Are you for red? Who's gonna win the pixie chariot race? Place your bets now. I'm putting a gold piece on red by a wide margin. I'll put his bet on red. 20 electron pieces on blue. Blue's got it. Oh, red, are you kidding me?

Double or nothing, 40 election pieces. No, last time I took an IOU from you. I'm not getting-- This isn't Mr. Garou's goal. Okay, fine. It's my goal. You realize looking at this that the pixies are, their chariots are pulled by weasels. Oh! What are the odds?

Are there any odds listed anywhere? No. Oh, well, I guess red. I mean, I don't know. It's your favorite. Just pick your favorite color. Blue! 40 Electrum on blue. 40 Electrum? What do you think? You don't have it. You gave me all the gold. I'm a good. I'm on red. Red. I'm on blue. I'm on red.

Well, when I win, I'll get all your gold, probably. I don't know how it works. Yeah, that is how it works. It goes into a pool, and then it's distributed across the winner. So if it's you, you get literally all of it. And if it's us, we have to buy three weights. Look at everybody betting. We're just betting in a pool here. Oh, look at that bear folk. He's like, there's a huge pile of platinum pieces here. And he's sloshing around in a yield fashion, really. Gosh, that...

Brownish tan suit, though, is awfully tacky. Jeez. It doesn't even fit right now. It's too small. Oh, Finkieloo's caught you all, man. He's having a good time. There's an orc talking about boogles.

The pixies race, the weasels are madly running out of control as the chariots move and move and move and move. I need you to roll a d100. Come on! Come on, blue! I got you.

- 15. - 15, red wins by a hair. - Oh! - You watch as the weasels move this way and that. Blue is in the lead. Blue is going to make it, but what's that? A small rock? The weasel stubs its toe on the rock, flips into the other weasel, knocks the chariot over. Pixies are flying just in time for red to

slide in and take the win. The crowd goes wild, but not as wild as you would hope. I need you to roll another D10 or D20, or sorry, D100. - I cheer out loud, pumping my fist and going, "Yeah, run!" And as I do, flames will shoot out from like my hair, my shoulders, my fist. - Literally Fiero. - Igniting. - Roll a performance check for me, please. - 91. - Oh, amazing. You,

The cheers erupt, but it's not as loud as you would expect. It is very clear that most of the people in this place had voted on blue. The payout for red is going to be quite substantial. Yeah! Oh! All right. 13.

13. Okay, well I got a natural one, so that works out well for you. As it is very clear that your exuberance at winning this and this display of fire has caught the attention of Mr. Light. As he looks towards you, he raises his weathervane wand and shoots a stream of bubbles at you that make the shape of bubbly flames.

as it engulfs and swirls around you, his laughter booming out throughout this thing. He seems very pleased with you. Please move the happiness meter up by one. - Oh! - This is how we do it. - It's like Hades from Hercules. - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - He once again moves towards someone and calls out one of their greatest desires. Please roll a d8.

How much gold did we win? You'll find out after the big-top extravaganza. Oh, nice! You can collect your winnings as you exit the tent. Did we get four? We did. Oh, we did. You're at six, seven, and eight are the only ones left. Thank God we're not in combat. Jesus. You got an eight? Eight, yep.

A pink silk ribbon descends from the roof of the big top. As an elf ballerina spins down the length of the ribbon, the music is slow and soft and beautiful as she begins to dance. She's entrancing the way that she moves. It's almost as if time slows down with her every motion.

She waves her hand and creates a beautiful magical wardrobe that opens in front of her. And these dancing interactive costumes appear as she slowly melds into them and becomes a different character. A beautiful rococo queen as she bounds around in a dress that has hips for days.

And then she finds another outfit, a forest fairy. She slips into it and begins to glide through the air, spinning on her tiptoes. She is hands down one of the most beautiful women that you've ever seen in your entire life. Gideon, you're sweating profusely. I wish I was that black leotard. She makes eye contact. Slip right into me. Ah!

Don't think about it. I just wish it was the case. Ugh. That's a big jump. She does make eye contact with you and she smiles softly at you as she winks and continues to dance.

It's very beautiful. It calms the crowd a little bit after the pixie race. And you all feel yourselves relaxed as you listen to the beautiful music and you watch the live dancing of this elven ballerina and her magical wardrobe of animated outfits. It was quite nice. It was quite nice.

Yeah, that was quite nice. Eventually, Mr. Light descends again and pulls another hope from someone, another dream. You seem quite attractive. Roll a d4 and odd will be seven and even will be eight.

Perhaps you'll be able to... Or roll a d8 and we'll do even or odd. Well, seven's all that's left, right? Seven and eight. No, six and seven. Six and seven. Six and seven. Perhaps you'll be able to meet her in the staff area. Oh, yeah, I'm excited for the staff area. Seven! Seven! Lucky seven! Oh! Oh!

- Oh, that's wrong, Mr. Bear Man! - With this, Mr. Light announces audience participation is a must for the next act. As about 15 goblin jugglers make their way out onto the floor, they begin to juggle large batons as they're juggling four, five at a time. As Mr. Witch calls out to begin throwing items at the goblins, they'll be able to catch them and juggle them.

- Oh, can you juggle totems? And I'm going to pull off all of my totems, not my owlbear whistle, but I'm gonna pull off my froggy myth, my guralan and my rook, two-headed vulture rook totems and juggle all of them and get a little bit of spirit magic going. - Roll a performance check. - And then toss it to them. - Roll a performance check at advantage because of your innate juggling abilities. - Okay, natural one, okay. That's why we rolled an advantage.

Natural 20, you gotta give it up again. You gotta, you gotta give up. You do, you pull out your totems and you begin to juggle. You're doing so well that some of the crowd is so interested in what you're doing that they look away from the big, the goblin jugglers in front of them. You hear clapping and cheers and you have clearly gained the attention of Mr. Light as he looks towards you with anger

with a smile, his pure white teeth shining in the light of the big top. He is incredibly happy with you as he watches you juggle out your totems. The goblins dance and tumble in a way to get to the places they need to be to catch them. They add them into their juggling routine and then toss them back at you. They even toss some of their totems back at you and you begin

this juggling back and forth between them. Mr. Light lets out a loud cheer of happiness as you do this, and the happiness meter goes up by one. - And I think all this time, I would probably be having spirit forms like Udyr, like these blue spectral monstrosities kind of rising up, maybe following the totem, and almost kind of looks like kind of crashing and moving around like some Ardenweald ship.

If you- Save it for your show, save it for your show. Oh, just, you know, we're just teasing them. The prestige comes later. Do you want a crowbar or any of my things? Oh, do you have a saw? Uh, I have a steel mirror. How about this? And you'll see this huge knife, like, start to fly towards you. You can joke with knives, right? I don't know, it'll dissipate. I use minor illusion. I'm just kidding.

- This lasts for about 10 more minutes before all the goblins finish their juggling and they take a bow. - Nicely done, lads! - They're all bowing on one leg as they have their batons balanced on their back leg as they take their bow. They have batons balanced on their heads along their backs. They whip them into the air, catch them all, turn and exit the big top.

Everybody claps and cheers. Mr. Light pulls the final act from one of the members of the audience. And you see the lights go dark, completely pitch black. - How do they do that? - What's happening here? - As all of a sudden on one side, a flash of fire ignites on a torch. Fire. All around in a circle, just torches of flame undulate and move.

Everything is silent. - Oh, prophetic. - 'Cause all of a sudden in the very center of the room, you see a large roaring tower of flame that bursts up towards the very top and illuminates Mr. Light as he dangles there, just mere inches from the flickering tip of the flame. It illuminates him in a way that you can fully see the sparkling abilities of his outfit covered in gold and jewels and glitters.

He is quite spectacular as he rolls around on this silken red thread, pretending to be turned in a spit, but as if he's enjoying the licking of the flame before the flames slowly goes back down. And you see standing there in the very middle, a tiefling holding a torch.

as he places it into his mouth and breathes out a large breath of fire that takes the shape of an ancient gold dragon that spins through the air and whips around everyone. Once again, he places the flame in his mouth and blows it out and you see dancing fire methods

as they appear in the sky doing a fun jig. And for the next 10, 15 minutes, people will call out things that they want to see as this tiefling fire breather breathes in the flame and shoots it out towards the crowd, creating these beautiful flaming flames

depictions of real life creatures or events, sometimes almost as if conjuring minor illusions and performing full displays of storytelling with just his fire breath. - One of the gondola swans.

And you watch as from his mouth erupts what is clearly Featherene, riding down a twisting lazy river. Oh! Wow, he did the river, too. That's a river of fire! It's like Featherene's in the Nine Hells. Yeah, I guess that's true.

- Unicorn, unicorn! - He already sends unicorns. - I wanna see more of them! - He takes one of the torches again and places it into his mouth and as he pulls it out, he lets out a large rush of fire. You see a flaming bull chasing hundreds of unicorns into the sea. - Oh no!

And if you got that reference, we can be friends forever. - I got the reference? No. - Oh, a pumpkin, a doula han, headless horseman with the pumpkin and the fire. - Oh, that's a good one. - That is easy enough as once again, this time he takes two flaming torches and places it into his mouth and he lets out two simultaneous fire breaths. One of them is a horse.

The other one is a headless man chasing after a rolling pumpkin. And as he catches it, he tosses it onto his head as he grabs onto the side of the saddle and flips himself onto the steed and rushes straight at you, Gricko. You watch as this Dullahan is charging towards you. And as it gets to you, it looks like it's about to run you down as it disappears in a puff of smoke. - Do you have one or can I go again? - Oh, please, go again.

- Mr. Light and Mr. Witch, the fair runners of this carnival. - I would like you to roll a persuasion check at advantage, but he does it. As you see, as he picks up two torches and places them in his mouth, the entire room alights in flame and light. And you see that Mr. Light is dangling from the very top

just spinning on this beautiful, almost like a silken seat. As he smiles down at you, he catches your eyes and you can see the approval on his face as this tiefling conjures the image of Mr. Light very clearly there as he's looking dapper and powerful as he struts around performing magics and behind him, someone you have never seen before.

a plump man with a top hat as he spins his pocket watch. He has a somber look on his face, almost the exact opposite to Mr. Light, who is jovial and flamboyant. Mr. Witch seems much more cool, calm, and calculated as the two of them intermingle with each other. You watch as the weathervane, um,

as Mr. Light's weather vane changes his expressions from incredibly sad to incredibly happy in the flick of emotion as Mr. Wit, or as Mr. Witch opens up his pocket watch and you see the spinning dial, um,

And it changes time where once there was no carnival, as the dial begins to spin, the carnival begins to appear. And as it goes back towards 12 again, it disappears into his pocket watches of conjured purely by the magic held within. They both take a bow in their flaming forms and the light puffs out. The tiefling takes a bow, lets out a roaring flame across the crowd that says, crowning of the witch-like monarch,

just before dawn and everybody cheers and claps. Mr. Light descends from the top of the big top and he looks out to the audience and proclaims that the final act is one to be performed by the members of the carnival. Who is capable of entertaining the crowd? - I got an 18 on my persuasion. - Okay, thank you.

Us, we are, we are, we are! Oh, we are! Tons and tons of people here. Old pros! Here, I think I can... Old pros, goblin! Wait.

I'm using my minor illusion to make a big flashing neon arrow pointing at us. And I flame up. I'll have a large blue... A flamey-o! A blue guralan spirit appear above me with these wooden tribal drums and a spirit, and it'll be hammering it and drumming to draw attention to us. And I'm kind of clapping along with the rhythm. I just...

You do that, but you see that his eyes linger on you, still thinking about the request of Mr. Witch and Mr. Light being performed in flame. And it does seem to have an effect on him as he hushes the crowd.

and he takes his weather vane and he calls out, "The carnival will choose." As he takes it and he spins it on his index finger and he watches the weather vane spins and spins and spins and spins until it comes to a stop pointing directly at the four of you. He takes a bow and motions towards you and indicates for you to take your place on the floor of the big top. What will you perform for the crowd? - I don't have any ideas.

I don't know why you chose to do this if you didn't have any ideas. I mean, I have ideas, but what are we gonna do for all of us? What do you mean? Something that involves everybody. It's just that we practiced. Oh, okay. Right? Yeah, it's just that we practiced. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Kremi, you got it. What did we practice? Well, Kremi's got it. Oh, the hoochie was the key to all this. It was like Jar Jar. I mean, I don't know. We can just, you know, do a bunch of fantastical shit. I can do some fire stuff. I can whip the chains around.

You know, snap, crackle, pop. That kind of thing. Throw people around. Cartwheel. Jump pretty high. I've never seen you cartwheel before, Gideon. You ever seen me cartwheel before?

No, I've never seen you call. That makes sense, I've never done it. But I assume that I would be able to. This is a character, so I'm gonna turn off the video. Oh, you might as well just roleplay a little bit while Flossie uses a little tobacco. Yeah, I don't know either. Yeah, there's nothing involving clowns. You know, we gotta keep them aware or they're gonna see that I just inadvertently, horribly manslaughtered clowns without any regard. I feel like there's some... You got really drunk once.

Like, really, really drunk, more than usual. Yesterday? Well, no. The day before yesterday? Well, yes, but not this drunk. The day before that? And you told me your whole backstory with clowns. And that's why, I think that's why you have a subconscious urge to murder them. But anyway, I've had a lot of circus peanuts. I don't mean the actual peanuts. I mean that candy that's really bad, but I can't stop eating them for some reason. You said peanuts, right? Yeah, peanuts. Woo!

"Who? The bachelorette party's over there, okay." That's pretty good. Thank you. Oh, I'm clapping. Oh no, we're down. You are now down on the big top stage. The crowd is cheering for you. Mr. Light has just announced your arrival, and a hush falls over the crowd as they wait for whatever it is that you plan to perform.

Alright, just follow my lead. Okay. Can do. It's like the old usual Carnival Le Creux special. Let's just do our normal act. Alright. Okay. Again, when I say flameo, you know what that means. Hotman. Exactly right. Welcome, one and all, to This Carnival Has Been Lovely, but we are simple performers from Carnival Le Creux.

The second greatest carnivore in all of the Vantur. Yeah! Cheer! Please enjoy the performance. And I will wave my cane and you will see these four kind of glowing orbs appear above my head, all four different colors. There'll be sort of like a reddish-orange-ish neon that sort of floats above Gideon. There'll be a green one that floats above Gideon.

there'll be a blue one that floats above Gricko, and there'll be a kind of a purplish pink magenta one that floats above me. And I'll say, "Introducing Mr. Gricko Grindjagren and his wonderful monster spirits." And I'm going to do my, probably do a little bit of juggling, but this time it's going to be way more impressive where I'm gonna basically blow all of my spell slots. Maybe not, maybe I won't.

But, uh, cause I'm probably going to get into combat, but I'm going to blow. I would say for this, you don't need to. Okay. The innate magic that swirls throughout this carnival, especially the big top, you're able to harness to do whatever it is that you want to try to do. You will be rolling for each one of your performances. You will be rolling a performance check. Yeah. At advantage because of how impressed Mr. Light is with you currently. Uh,

And so I will do juggling and then it will, there'll, you'll see a huge froggy myth, a huge Gurt, which is basically a big frog monster with three eyes and tentacles, a big Guralan, which is a huge fanged gorilla monster with four arms and a long tail. And then a Rook, which is basically a giant two headed vulture monster, kind of a flare up. And then,

there'll be spirit energy and I will go into a number of Steve Irwin-esque stories, but I'll start saying, now, for this first, take you crummy, our ringleader, and now, in certain parts of Adventress, they keep an ear to the ground. And do you know what it is, boys and girls and everyone watching? Oh no. Do you all feel it? I feel it.

- The hush falls over the crowd as everyone is feeling their seats. They can feel the rumbling. There is no rumbling, but the sound of it is making them feel like the entire thing is shaking. Everybody gasps and stares. Everyone's so nervous they can't even speak. - Oh, it's coming! And some call it a day.

The land shock. Those who are uncreative will prefer the music of Jimmy Buffett. I don't know, just go with it. He's the ghost that's keeping his job. That's my joke. Others who don't know how to pronounce anything

Call it a boulet! But that's entirely wrong. Oh no! It's the fearsome predator, the burrowing boulette! And a huge blue spectral boulette spirit. This massive...

like part shark, part almost rhinoceros looking creature with a huge long beak almost or bill will burst out of the ground, a spirit of it and then crash down and I'll try to have the spiritual energy make it look like it's erupting out of the earth and crashing back down. And that'll be my portion for this. - The entire crowd erupts and cheers. Well, roll a performance check.

You're at advantage because Mr. Light is happy with you. - Okay, two. I'm twist, 10. Can I, may I twist it? - You may. - Come on! - Roll a D 100 for me, please. - Natural 20. - Damn! - And then a D 100. - Yep. - 57. - I can reroll if you need to. - I don't think we've gotten that one yet. - You cannot say the beginning of any words.

"Thank you! Thank you! "Thank you, Remy! "Thank you, Gregor, that was quite phenomenal. "Next, you will have mysteries from far beyond "our own realities. "The wonderful mystical mind of Morning Frost." The crowd cheers.

Ooh, ah. Ah. Ah. Rusty. Hello. We know not each other. You're probably wondering who's speaking to you now.

He said the thing! He said the thing! As this has been happening, I've been looking around for something high up, like 30 feet up, that I would be able to get to in this time. What kind of thing? Like a trapeze platform. Yeah, easily. Okay. Sure. It's there.

You've seen many great performances and attractions, many delights this evening. However, I would point your attention to the fact that all of them require a semantic component, a verbal piece, some sort of performative art. Watch now in amazement. The lights dim, and you are surrounded in a beautiful jade light, flecks of gold.

as I disappear before your very eyes. Misty step, I disappear to the trapeze spot, and I would have clearly gone. The crowd goes, where'd he go? I'm up here. The light shifts to you. It actually shifts somewhere over again. Oh, oh, there. And then it finds you. Through the power of my mind, I have transported myself, and feeling the natural magic of this space, I will once again...

demonstrate this impossible power. And I disappear back to where I was standing. Oh, where did he go? And once again, the light is going everywhere, trying to find you. It can't find you. And I'm back to exactly where I was standing. Yeah, but it doesn't know that, so it's looking at me. I'm here, I'm here! Oh, and so it finds you. Roll a performance check advantage. Uh, 18.

You are easily able to do this disappearing act and the crowd is loving it. Especially the light having a hard time finding you just shows just how disappeared you were. The crowd gasps and awes and there is an energy that is just building in this place. This feels like...

A true ending performance. And all the while, Mr. Light is dangling from the very top of the big top, looking incredibly pleased and incredibly curious. I'm not going to push it. Mr. Light, I would ask that, I know this is an audience participation performance, but for my next act, I would ask that you join me down here in the circles. Okay.

Mister, roll a persuasion check. Oh. Oh. Rusty, I... Rusty. I leave in, I mean, ooh, ooh, and I'm going to cast Guide and Sign now. Persuasion? Mm-hmm. May I twist this? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Roll a d100. 66. Oh, yeah. Two threes.

Same thing. You are once again overcome by the concept of death that is unbearably sad. And you burst into tears.

Mr. Light. What did you get for your first life? Oh, no. He rolled a natural one. So funny enough, he does actually descend from the rafters as he stands before you. Actually, he stands behind you. His arms outspread the spinning. You're able to actually look at this weather vane now. It is topped with beautiful iridescent butterfly wings that spin.

in a, almost like an orb of glitter. And you see that it is thrumming, a Derek word, with magical power. I love the thrum. I see that Mr. Light has come down and Mr. Light, if you won't mind, I'm going to attempt to pry into your mind. He looks at you curiously, but he nods.

Mr. Light is a willing volunteer. We've never spoken before. We've never met before. Uh, uh, I'm, I'm just, uh, getting to know you. Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you. He reaches out his long slender hand and I proper hand. I take his hand and I'm, I'm doing that mentalist thing where I'm like, sort of like getting a sense of him, not just like shaking his hand, but like also making him comfortable, starting to touch his shoulder. Mr. Light, you can relax. There's nothing to be afraid of. Uh, uh,

Here, help me understand a little bit about yourself. You haven't spoken this entire performance. Do you have anything that you would want to say to the audience? He looks about. Well, I think we have someone running for the Witchlight Monarch, don't you, audience? And he smiles and winks and everybody cheers and claps.

I'm gonna use the same kind of bullet effect to basically just be spamming mold earth to kind of have like the little puffs of explosions behind Frosty. You speak truth. You speak truth. He speaks truth, everyone. The crowd erupts. You, if you don't mind my asking, how long have you been a...

running the show in the Big Top here at the Witchlight Carnival. And I'm continuing to sort of walk around him and get a sense of him. And it's in this moment that I'm gonna cast Detect Thoughts and get a sense of his mood in this moment. You're just trying to get a sense of his mood? Top level. I'm not probing deeper. He announces over a hundred years. And his surface level thoughts are: Hmm... Very talented.

but a little too curious for a cat. - And over a hundred years, what a magical experience. You look so young for a hundred years. I'm trying to get a little bit of a laugh or a chuckle out of the audience. - And they do, and you're still probing his thoughts?

Immediately, his thoughts change from being concerned about your curiosity to, I do look great today. I wonder if it's the fit on my new outfit. Darken the lights with your permission. The lights dim. I will now probe into the mind of Mr. Light and attempt to pluck a...

hidden truth from the mind of Mr. Light. You feel him tense up a little bit, but he doesn't move away. I will stand in front of him and while everyone is silent, I will probe deeper. He can choose to resist and make an intelligence saving throw, or I can ask him a question he must ask truthfully. Or, if he's immune to charm, nothing happens. Okay.

I have always ruled that whether somebody is immune to charm or not, they can still choose to fail. He is going to choose to fail. He chooses to fail. That is usually how this trick goes. I will reach forward with my mind and I will... You will hear in the back of your mind, I know what you're doing. Be careful, cat. Oh, that's fine. Seems okay. And I will ask my question sincerely.

Trying to think of how to word it in exactly the right order. Playing with fire, bro. That's my job. Just do them all left. Oh, it's too spooky. What can you tell me of somebody that you lost? Your greatest loss?

You see a look of sadness on his face. And instead of answering you, he flicks the witchlight vein and you see a major image appear up in the sky of him as a young boy, all dressed in black, standing over the recently interred ground of his parents at his parents' funeral.

I want you to move the happiness tracker down by two notches. Back to square one! That major image having appeared, I'll turn to the audience. Mr. Light has graciously shown us his greatest loss. His parents. I'm sure that's why he strives to spread joy to all of you. Thank you, Mr. Light, for participating.

Thank you for letting me demonstrate the powers of my magics.

The crowd claps lightly and people look around. What was that? That was fucking sad. Who asked a stranger that kind of question? Is Mr. Light gonna be okay? And you see as Mr. Light slowly, he looks at you and he...

He looks at you, his eyes linger on you for a little bit. I want you to roll a, um, I want you to roll an insight check for me, please. Finally, something higher than 12. Uh, 22.

you see a very heavy, he's smiling at you and on the surface he looks like he's pleased with you as he claps loudly for your performance. But as his eyes linger on you, you see a look of very heavy suspicion and a flicker of anger behind his eyes as he slowly ascends back to the top of the big top.

Oh, yeah. You're going to want to send up there pretty quick, Mr. Light, because the fire rises. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! I'll jump in front of where Frost and he was and just fire off to, not really like fire him off, but like, you know, like spurt fire a little bit. Mr. Green, go! A pretty blood run

runs in his veins giving him extraordinary powers of fire and extraordinary feats of strength take it away and i will demonstrate both right now but you don't want to be late to catch your ride

And I'm gonna blast I'm gonna like, you know, just like really turn on I'm gonna heat up I'm gonna not get covered in fire But all of my kind of more 3d features are gonna inflame and emblazon and the fire off of me is gonna be like licking out As it turns on and then

I'm gonna pop out my, pull forward my arms and you're gonna start to hear a whirr kick in from my manacles and a sound that you guys would have heard before, but as the fire starts to dim down just a bit into my chains as the ends heat up. - Oh!

As the steam engine whirr kicks in as my chains blast up. The chains ignite at the tips. My red hot eyes, I look out at the crowd as I start to spin them and slowly I slam the ends into the ground as I start to pick up my pace.

behind me to the left to the right slam small explosions eat into the ground blackened darkened spots as I spin and I whirl with with almost an acrobatic grace hopefully as the ends slam and explode I do a final forward spinning flip the chain spin in the air as I land forward

the ends smash into the ground and with a quick pull, I sign my signature as I've just drawn the emblem of the LaCrue, the Carnival LaCrue into the ground in fire. Roll a performance check at advantage. My final signature was Kremi's mustache on his smiling crocodile face. If that's our emblem. I love it.

If that doesn't get him. All right, I'll twist. I'll twist. Roll a d100. One more twist. One more twist. That was so good. That was great. That was great. That was great. All right, I'll roll two. One more twist. I'm going to roll three d100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not even good at this. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You deserve better.

Well, thank you, chat. Roll three d100s. It'd be like a performance, it'd be a 10. Funny enough, the DC was only 10. God. 43. Your skin now becomes hot pink instead of red. I don't know. That's an improvement. Yeah, it might work for the act.

I did that. Oh no, it's part of this train. 63. Come on, Barbie. Let's go, Barbie. All water tastes oily. Okay. I got that one. That sucks. An 83. Roll that one again. 66.

I think we just got one. Oh, you may have just got one. Yeah, I should do another one. That one broke me. 75.

You hate all children and animals. - Fuck kids. - But the crowd cheers, they burst into, please mark these down 'cause they are going to be relevant, what your effects are. 'Cause they're not gonna stop. - Oh, I, oh.

The crowd bursts into massive cheers and Mr. Light slowly descends halfway from the top of the big top and he announces another round of applause for Carnival Le Creu

What a spectacular performance from these strapping young lads. They are definitely in the running for the Witchlight Monarch. And if you would like to see the crowning, please be here just before dawn. Four hours hence, enjoy the carnival.

May your emotions rise. The lights begin to swirl and rainbow magic moves this way and that. You are not ushered off of the stage, but you are off of the middle of the big top, but you notice that everyone else is beginning to be ushered out as Mr. Light slowly descends off to the side and you see as he makes his way over to a very large, very muscular bugbear. He leans in. He looks towards you with a look of...

The look of uncertainty as he leans into this bugbear and whispers some kind of order. The bugbear nods as Mr. Light lithely skips out of the tent. The bugbear moves towards you and he moves towards you and he crosses his arms over his chest. He looks at each one of you and he says, "Mr. Witch and Mr. Light have requested an audience with you in their carriage."

And that is where we'll end the session.

Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventress podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin tier or higher to unlock Shroud Over Saltmarsh, a patron-exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash legendsofaventress. If you want to chat about the episode with the Aventress community, join us on Discord at legendsofaventress.com slash discord.

We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, so make sure you follow our socials at legendsofadvancers.com slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror 5e supplement published by us. Get your own copy at thecrookedmoon.com. Thanks again, and we'll see you next time.