Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 49 | The Last Unicorn
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hello everyone welcome to legends of avantras i'm gricko grimgrin and you're listening to once upon a witch life here's what happened last time you make your way to the cave there is no entrance oh no did you transfer your curse on to us oh no do we get monkey pong i'm sure we gotta give up all this gold oh you suffer from incontinence for the next 24 hours i'm gonna buy you licorice what oh

Classic cursed gold. These are very obviously cursed magical coins. I declare bankruptcy! Is that Crooked Rock? That doesn't look familiar to you. Talking about, are we going in circles? And I don't know how we're going to get out of this. Can we call the king for help? King of hearts, are you there?

We're stuck in a forest and we keep seeing the same green rock and the same purple tree and the same purple thing and Frost keeps shitting himself. You're near the wayward pool. That's why you keep seeing the same thing over and over again. Be careful. The unicorn pneumonia is tricksy.

You see that this human man is standing, looking out over what appears to be a lake and in the very center is one lone island. You are easily able to cross. You eventually find yourselves on this little island. And it's in this moment that you notice that all the shadows have been cleansed from your bodies.

I think that it was the unicorns that helped us. It was the pool! You channel the innate fire within you as you punch into this brazier. Fire erupts and roars out of it. The mists begin to part. And standing on the very edge of the lake is a single white horse. You hear in your mind, Why have you come to this place? I'm the only one left. My love was taken from me and is gone. What do you want?

With me. - Kremi, you are staring out at, to what most people would look like, the most beautiful white mare they'd ever seen in their entire lives. But you recognize immediately this being, this creature, for what it truly is, a unicorn. You've seen them before in depictions, in paintings, in art, in stuffed toys and carnival games.

But to see a unicorn in the flesh is unlike anything you could have ever expected. A feeling of calm radiates over and through all of you. Almost as if the unicorn has an... What? I'm sorry! What the fuck? What's going on here? Someone's a unicorn! Kill's for all the sense of my being! I don't know!

You're supposed to be professional, dammit! That's their fault! I can't hear like this, Rick! Oh no, my pancreas! The horn went up under my wrist.

I don't know which one of you said that. You're in trouble. I didn't even see it. I just said it was in the corner of my eye. I would like to see you in my office after the stream. Oh, they're all calling out Lexi. I'm killed and then set on fire.

The unicorn stands up, takes off its hood. Yes! And their little hands and dumps gasoline all over his body. That's still one of the most scarring moments of any cartoon ever. Ooh, is that Adventure Time? Yeah. Yeah. God. God, that was fun. Okay. You're doing great. That was a very beautiful-- I'm so sorry. Thanks! Very beautiful description.

And I don't even know how to start it again. You know what? You're in front of a unicorn, and she's just said what she said to you. Go for it. No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. We're not gonna hurt you. You alright? The last word she said to you is that she, her partner, she believes has been killed, and she is the last one left. The last one? Fellas, did you hear her speak?

Yeah, everybody heard Mr. Crammy. Oh, Mr. Crammy. She's beautiful. I have, like, tears in my eyes. I'm just like... I'll reach in my filthy sack and give you a disgusting rag to, like, blot your eyes. It's okay. Everyone cries sometimes. I'll pull out my own hand and be like...

It's okay, Crammy, everyone gets pink eyes. You are not still wearing the horn on your head. I'm assuming you took that off. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have that inside. Maybe she's riled up. Does she look anxious? She doesn't move the way you would imagine a skittish beast to look. Her eyes do not dart this way or that. You don't see her ears perking up.

She stands as if she has not a care in the world. Roll an insight check. Oh. 15. However, it is in her eyes that you can see that she's nervous. And though she stands in front of you with all of the confidence that a unicorn can muster, there is a part of her that is afraid.

And it is in the way that the lights hit her eyes, these beautiful, deep lavender eyes that sparkle in the light, that you see that her eyes are moving, scanning the horizon behind you, checking for anyone that could be, that would dare to trespass on this meeting between all of you.

and you imagine that at the slightest hint of danger that she would bolt into the tree line and that there would be no catching her. All right, Gricko. I need you to play me some late '70s, early '80s Americana folk rock, all right? Don't make me put that song on. I'll do it. ♪ Boo boo boo ♪ ♪ Boo boo boo ♪ ♪ Boo boo boo ♪

Not what I was thinking, but... When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain. And I'm slowly approaching. When the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain. And I'm like, I'm just going to continue to sing as I approach her. I'm surprised that you remember lyrics from that song.

It's a fucking banger. It's a banger. I mean, come on, holy shit. As I approach her, if she would let me-- Are you singing as you approach her? Yeah, I'm singing. Are you actually doing that? Yeah, and I sing the rest of the lyrics, too. I don't know the ball. That's all I got. The internet at your fingertips and you don't know the lyrics.

I will continue to sing the theme song to The Last Unicorn by America. And when I'm close, just try to brush her mane and knowing that she'll bolt and that if she bolts, that she's gone. I just want to seem friendly and gentle. Roll an animal handling check. Oh god. Since Graco's helping me getting everything-- Straight. Oh!

Oh, 18. Oh, wow. Nice. Good roll. You sing this song, and though it is not the most beautiful song that anyone has ever sung before-- No, no, no, it ain't. Says you. There is heart to it.

The love of unicorns that you were cursed with at the Witchlight Carnival didn't end upon leaving the carnival itself. Whether it was something that had been there all along or whether it still lingers is hard to tell, but you feel for this creature. Your love for this creature is real, and she can sense that, and her fear ebbs.

As you reach your hand up to touch her, however, she backs up and shakes her mane. Beautiful, pearlescent white curls almost float in the air as she shakes her head and she looks towards you, denying you any kind of physical contact with her. I am the last. What brings you here? Well,

What do you want of me? My name is Kremi Le Creux, and this is Carnival Le Creux, and I'll gesture to them in the back there. Well, hello. You are not playing Frost. Can you please, for the remainder of this session, forget that Frost exists? Who's Frost? Beans on toast for breakfast. I'll be right back.

Hello, I'm going to go now. Hey there. Look, we're just trying to make our way through the Feywild and, you know, I'm just a big personal fan of unicorns. You sure you're the last? I have seen no others. I would feel them, and I can't. Ever since my love was taken from me, I felt him for a long while. He...

We were connected, but it has gone dark. It's been too long and it has gone dark. Well, I'm awfully sorry to hear that. The reason I think you might not be the last is, just brace yourself, and I'm gonna reach into my jacket and pull out the horn. Does this-- You don't even get a moment to say a word as she rears back on her hind legs and lets out a noise that is

unlike any sound you've ever heard before. And all of you feel as if you're experiencing heartbreak for the first time. The sound is one of the most sorrowful noises that you've ever heard. As she rears back and she shakes her mane and then you watch as this beautiful creature, this lithe and graceful creature crumbles to the ground. And you watch as you see a unicorn cry.

silvery, sparkling tears drip from her face and create a pool in the grass as she sobs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm so sorry, no. The reason I'm asking you, the reason why I'm showing you this is, I don't know how I know, but the unicorn who's worn this is, I believe, is still alive. She quiets.

As she looks up towards you, you watch as she attempts to regain her composure and get back to her feet, but her legs buckle beneath her as she once again crumbles to the ground. But she lifts her head. That horn belongs to my love. It was stolen from him. It was stolen from him the day I lost him. How could you know if he's alive? You simply have what they took.

What they stole to do all of this to Prismir. No, no, no, look, look, I know it sounds crazy, but I stole this back. And I don't know if who I stole it from was the one that took it, but when I touched it for the first time, I got visions of a unicorn with the horn removed, trapped on an island just like this, but there were storm clouds and he was almost like in a cage.

Roll a persuasion check at advantage.

That's where I'm a Viking. I can't wait to roll nice. No, I don't say that. 24. You watch as she slowly, shakily rises back to a standing position. She shakes out her mane and her tail, and you feel as one of her tears lands on your lapel.

and it sparkles. You immediately, as it begins to evaporate, you smell the scent of summer rain and the smell of fresh grass and flowers blooming for just a moment before it fades away into the wind. She looks towards you. She eyes all of you suspiciously at first, but then you watch as her face softens. You are welcome here.

But I would ask that you tell me everything you know. I will tell you what I know and help in any way that I can. If you promise that you will try to bring Elodun back to me. If what you say is true, I cannot leave this island, but I will do everything in my power to help you with the knowledge that I have and the guidance I can give and with the magics that I possess. I would do anything to see him again.

So you're stuck on this island too? On my own accord. For if I am the last, then everything about me has value. And there are many in two looks behind you that seek me to this day. For that horn was stolen for a purpose. What has befallen Prismir could not have happened had it not been for that horn. And mine holds a similar power. Follow me into the treeline.

We will rest. "Absolutely. Fellas?" Yeah, we're very tired. We've been rolling around being haunted by ghosts for many hours, or perhaps days.

She leads you into the treeline and to what is a beautiful grove with a large overgrown bit of ruin. What the building had been in previous times, it is too dilapidated to tell. It is overgrown with moss and vine and branch and thorn, but it is beautiful. Everything in this forest looks as if it is eternally spring here.

It looks verdant and healthy. The smells are unlike anything you've ever smelled before. So sweet. And there is a sense of relaxation and calm that comes over you as you find your way to this unicorn's home.

and it is not a home as you would expect it to be, but just this open glade surrounded by the stone ruins and a soft patch of grass and flowers that clearly she sleeps upon night in and night out. But you are able to pull up stumps and find a few

moderately-sized toadstools that carry your weight, and you're able to sit down, and she allows you to build a fire and to set up a makeshift camp in this spot.

And you take an hour, maybe, almost in silence, all watching each other, getting used to movements and how to interact before you're finally settled and ready to talk to this creature. She makes no movements to start the conversation herself, but waits for you to feel ready to talk about your journey, what's expected.

whatever it is that you feel inclined to speak with her about. All right, fellas, don't say anything too scary, spooky, fucked up. She's clearly had a rough time with it, all right? Yeah. You know, it sucks that she's in some kind of self-imposed isolation. I kind of thought she'd come on like a vengeance quest with us and you'd get a super cool unicorn steed. Oh, yeah.

Could you imagine? Oh my god. You're riding around shooting voodoo bolts and just stabbing people.

Damn, it would have been cool. Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, people are after Torbac and want to rip Torbac's guts out. If people want to take the unicorn's guts, maybe the unicorn can go crazy like Torbac does. Oh, man. And wear a yellow jumpsuit, and we can all walk in slow-mo's and go, burp, burp, burp, ch-ch-ch.

You know what I mean? Yeah. That does sound really cool. That sounds cool. But look, she's not a beast of burden, all right? She's a, you know, she's a sentient creature. She's more powerful than probably all of us put together. But that being said, let's say I ride her into battle and I show up at the hag's door and, you know, she gets, she would probably have more use for the unicorn than just about anybody else in the Feywild.

Does that mean that Torvac is also not a beast of burden? I mean, I never said you were, technically. That sounds technically correct, but Torvac doesn't necessarily believe it. Look, look, he also never said that he wasn't. What I'm trying to say about, and I should really get a name,

I'm thinking maybe Mia. Her name might be Mia. I think that's a pretty name for a unicorn. Her name is La Morna. You were told this already. Oh well. I just figured if I ever met a unicorn, her name would be Mia.

You can't just name a sentient person. Oh, I guess you're right. She's not a horse. He's not a horse! I've just been thinking about this all wrong. Mr. Grimey tried to change Torbeck's name like eight times. So, you know. Trying to change the name and just forgetting it are two different things. Yeah. Oh, I guess. Although if it was one syllable, that'd just be a lot easier to say. Like, why couldn't you just settle for Steve or something? You know what I mean? Jim?

Those are boring names! Torvac likes Torvac! Yeah, everyone thinks my name is Greg. Oh. And Grinko. That's what I was gonna say. I feel like everywhere we go, at least when we have a carnival, people call you Grinko. It's like your name's fucking spelled on the marquee, I don't know. I know! There's no N! Just like there's no D in the Adventress! Grinko's kinda cool, though.

I mean, that's what I'm saying. I think Grinko's very nice. Remind me. She's the smartest person I know. No, no, no. Grinko is great. Torbjorn is saying that Grinko is kind of cool. I sound like I'm going to have really overpriced copying services. Oh, I was just going to say that. She's got to be pretty fast to get one on over a little green, big red. Torbjorn's going to make a Ginko below.

I don't know the meaning of war. You're a storm bag. Maybe that's why they keep fucking it up, because you're little green coat. They combine a little green and grinko. Oh, no. I'm about to have an identity crisis, guys. Get it? Why? We all need to calm down from that heartbreak. See, let's all group hug and snuggle.

Frosty! Frosty, stop talking! Shut the fuck up, Frosty! We're having a moment here! We're fucking! It's like I experienced my first heartbreak.

Oh yeah, you gotta be careful with that horn, man. Especially if what she's saying is true and it's got some kind of crazy powers that did all of something to Prism here. Maybe start bustin' into Hag's Hut, waving that around. They'd be more interested in that than they are dealing with us. I don't know why I pulled it out, but it just, I don't know, it felt like she'd somehow believe me more easily if I showed her that I had it than if I just tried to convince her otherwise.

You know, hopefully she has some faith in what I'm telling her, because I swear to y'all, I saw it. I saw another unicorn that looked just like her on an island not too dissimilar from this. Was that like the same kind of vision where I saw that satyr? Yeah, kind of. It was like a weird magical trip, sort of. Who was, like, naked? But here's the thing. I think the King of Hearts was the one that cut it off. What?!

Yeah, at least that's sort of what I put together, and the way that the blade sort of-- and I'll pull out the horn, you know, if you kind of look here, it's sort of the same kind of knife that, you know, took old Miss Potts' wings off. Potts' wings off. Wait! A second! Oh, I'm putting something together, but it's not-- Are you telling me? Are you implying?

Come on. That was-- It was the same type of knife that they shop at? Yeah, we've talked about this. They shop at the same cutlery store? There's a cereal harvester running around. I think he probably used this for some kind of magical spell or something and just didn't need it anymore. Maybe it was stolen from him, but I don't want to fucking ask. And we're sure it's the king?

I mean, I felt like I was seeing through his eyes. Oh, that's so unfortunate! What would he be doing, stealing unicorn horns and fairy wings? What the hell? He's collecting bits and pieces.

And did he do all this? I mean, I thought he's trying to undo all this. Well, we did discuss that maybe it was like a, you know, like a false memory, an image, and some other being out there, maybe that fucking ugly hag with the metal teeth. Oh yeah, the ugly hag! Maybe she's trying to, you know, turn us against him. What happened to Jabba? What killed all of us? Either way, I mean, I think she deserves to hear what we know, and I think we need to tell her what...

I don't know if we tell her our full plan, or if we let slip that it was the King of Hearts, maybe? She might not even know who the guy is. Torbek can't help but think that we're all just pawns on the chessboard of life.

What? Yeah, I was going to say, it doesn't make any sense. It just came to Torbjorn all of a sudden. Torbjorn doesn't even know what half those words mean. I was going to say, that's a nonsensical metaphor. Or was it metapore? All right, let's go. Okay, we are feeling less heartbreak-y. I think so. Yeah. Oh, Tiffany. Okay, let's go.

You talk, we will approach. You're all in the same glade, it's very small. She's probably been listening to everything that you've been saying. No, she appreciates and understands privacy. It's very clear that she allowed you your moments to talk and that she's choosing to trust you. And she waits until you make your way closer to her before her ears perk up and she looks towards you, awaiting whatever information you have to bring her.

All right, so what can I do to help you? You can find my love. You asked for information, and pretty much what I know. Well, I asked for you to find my love. I offered to provide information to help you. I cannot provide assistance physically, but I can provide knowledge, and there may be a few other things.

depending on your hearts and whether they are pure. Oh, well. I'm sure we'll pass that test. As Bruella said. Torbjorn's heart is like his filthy sack. Torbjorn is doomed. How pure is pure? You know, like opaque? You misunderstand. I am not concerned what laws you've broken.

What sins you have committed. All I care for is your trustworthiness in this situation.

What about accidental murder, but still such reckless disregard for life that you could really classify it as heinous misconduct and technically murder? Well, hang on, man. That was like five or six times, okay? That barely meets the-- I don't think she's thinking about that. Quit asking clarifying questions, all right? I'm looking out for you, kid! I'm looking out for you, big red! Yeah, so what he said. Evil.

is innate in this world. It is natural, just as good. Where you find one, you will find the other. Mistakes, it takes a long life, a unicorn's life, to understand truly the difference between right and wrong. Morality is, morality belongs to each individual on its own. I will never choose

You will never be able to understand how I view the world, for you do not see through the eyes of a unicorn. Oh, damn. And I will never be able to understand why you choose to do the things you do, for I can never see the eyes through the eyes of man. I am not here to judge, but from you, I ask one thing, to bring my Elydon home. And if your heart is pure,

"and you can make this promise to me, "and I believe that you are true in your words. "I will help you on your way." Well? "Because in doing so, "I believe you can free Prismir from its curse. "Your past transgressions aside, "it is what you choose to do with your future that matters."

Well, that's what I was getting at, is that's exactly what we aim to do. We want to free, or I don't know, help Zabillna return and be the queen of Prismir, whatever she is, whatever she is in the pecking order. But regardless, we want to help her. We're helping out the King of Hearts. And as I say that, I just want to see if she changes-- She doesn't seem to

Not that there's no recognition necessarily, but the mentioning of the name doesn't seem to affect her negatively in any way. We're trying to take care of these fucking hags. Excuse the French. Please watch your language in my glade. I'm sorry. Unless, of course, you got 100,000 gold pieces for us bringing back Eledin, then we're cool with that.

Gideon! "You silly, silly, silly man. "A unicorn does not barter in gold or material possessions.

I have no use for gold. I have gold, yeah, that's what I'm saying. What is so gold? They haven't been cursed all of Prismir or something. You think they might have 100,000 gold lying around? What do you think? Do you like clubbing and just pushing around with hooves or something? I don't think there's a danger of gold. That's not how hooves work, idiot! That's not how hooves work! That's disgusting, oh my god. That's disturbing! I don't know, man. I just thought she was like a crazy, powerful, magical creature. I am. Oh, okay. Yeah, well.

My bad, everybody, jeez. He's above such mortal desires. Please forgive us. I know you can't comprehend the mind of a man. He's half man. None of us are, though, we're cool. Tormek is 0% man. Yeah, no, we're 100% goblin studs, you know what I mean, Tormek.

She watches you, not necessarily interested, but as if she's watching a creature out of space, some sort of entity that is wholly foreign to her. And she watches quietly. She seems neither amused nor disturbed by the things that you're doing. But all that aside, he's cool. He's with us.

He's also have genie, which is pretty cool too, you know. That is pretty cool. That's pretty cool, yeah. I like it. He's the king. All right.

I ignite it. Keep James Woods' attention. Yeah, James Woods. She once again watches you, but she does not startle. She does not seem impressed. Oh, well. Yeah, look at that. Look at that. How about this? You are impressed by your primal nature. Well, I mean, no, you're impressed by my primal nature.

Impressed, not at all. Dang. Well, you don't have to be impressed. It's cool, but it's not that cool. I totally get it. Well, it's quite hot, actually. Yeah, thank you. Take a step back, Ed. Don't overheat the unicorn. Look, I'll make any fey pact you want. I will do what I can to help Elodin. I am not looking for a fey pact. I'm a unicorn. I am not a creature of the fey.

I do not deal in mind games and trickery. She's a Celestial. How do you look into our hearts? What's that process like? I've been doing so since we first started speaking. Oh no. She's like an angel, basically. Oh, this is not good. Well, hopefully.

You can sense that my intentions are true. I mean what I say, and I plan to do what I can. And so whatever you need to be able to help us, we'll take all the help we can get. It is a promise, then, that you will venture to wherever you believe Elladon is being held captive. You will reunite him with his horn, and I will ask you one thing further, that you will do everything in your power to return him to my glade, where he will be safe

That's a good question. Do I know, thinking back to what I saw, do I have any sense of where it might be? There were things about it that led you to believe it was in Yon. I promise. I promise I will do everything you just said, and based on what I saw, I think he might be in Yon. We're going there anyway, after we take care of-- Come on, take care of what? We practiced this! Take care of what? After we take care of-- Take care of what?

Say the name, Ben. What name? Say the name! What has-- What has-- I can't believe this. It's like his favorite thing in the world. This is where you bring the passion, man. This is where you bring your heat. Bvlona? No. Vladstron? Vladstron, Vladstron. Ah, Scapify. Why would you just be more specific? Oh my god. Look, we're going to go deal with her. Scapify. There's something we need from her.

as part of our grand quest that we're on. This is just a little piece of it. But then yon is our next stop. And what do you know of what has happened to Prismir? You dally with the hags that have caused all of this. Do you know the game they have played? Do you know the wrong that they have done? We know. Do you know the catalyst that started everything?

We've put some clues together, but-- What do you know? Maybe like 25% of the story. We're getting in bits and pieces. Who wants to summarize? Well, we know that they like to play with dolls, so that's about as far as we got in the game. Like the one you have strapped to your back? Yeah, she's not really a doll. No, she's not. Yeah, she's a bog. She's a bog beast. What is she? What's twigs? A bog.

She's a boggart. Well, no, she's a brownie. Sometimes she's a boggart. She can transform, or if she gets too worked up, she's like... Oh, she also does James Woods. Yeah, yeah. She's always saying, I'm gonna boggart out. Yeah, you gotta look out for her. We also know that they got, like,

reborn in a cauldron. Mm. After a committee of-- So you know of the cauldron, then? What? Yeah, we've been to Neckbats. Hold on, hold on, let's take a step back. I will run you through what we know. We know that Zabilna is a powerful archfiend, and the man that we are working for that sent us on this quest

He's a warlock and his patron is a Belna and he lost contact with her and she is trapped or asleep or dead. Oh, and Kettlestein. What? Yeah. Don't forget Kettlestein. Yeah, and Twig. I mean, all of them are, you know. We don't know Twig's patron, do we? Well, she was in the portrait. I just assumed. You're right. Twig never told you who her patron was. Oh.

I was just assuming that, maybe it was kind of jokes on me. You have mentioned that Zabillna was her patron around her, and she didn't say it wasn't, but she's never told you who her patron was. So anyway, we know that something happened, and she was usurped by her three older sisters, as far as we know, the three hags, and she's the little sister. We know that there's a bigger hag,

with big metal teeth, and that when Zbielna presumably was young, she was kept in a tower for some reason. We know that she was kept away from the prince for some reason. We know that there's a horrible...

Elden beast of Viridian Scale. We got murdered! We saw it happen! We felt it happen! Yeah, that wasn't very fun. You have encountered the Jabberwock. For a very brief period of time. Yeah, the jaws that bite, the claws that catch. It showed up and then it was over. You must be careful. All right. The Jabberwock.

Oh my god. Oh man. No, no, no. Well, that's another thing.

Speaking of time, we were set on a quest by the King of Hearts to resolve the Zabielna situation. He's looking for a trinket, or curio, you could say, from each of the hags. We're theorizing-- Where does this King of Hearts rule? Underground?

Do we know? Underground? I don't know. You're not very sure. I mean, he turned into an owl. You think he rules underground? He's like flying around as an owl. What would an owl have to do underground? Also kind of unclear, there have been several visions that we've all shared and had individually that don't really mean much to us. Oh, he talks to us on these things.

She looks at the pot and there's no recognition that crosses her face. "Well, like the Summer Queen, my guess is he rules the Feywild proper. "What domain, I do not know. "For my life has been spent here in Prismir." So what you're saying is that you don't think he has anything to do with Prismir. He's from outside in the regular Feywild. "There is only one ruler of Prismir.

And that is Sibylna. So look, we've gotten a lot of fucking allegorical, metaphorical, you know, timey-wimey visions and-- Phantasmagorical. Phantasmagorical, exactly right. I've heard of theater mind, huh? Animal-headed people on fucking horses.

We know that the hags used to be really fucked up pieces of shit and did some heinous crap. I've asked you to watch your language. I apologize, you're right. I was going to triple whammy there, Mr. Kremi. Let's try to take our foot off the gas.

I'm sorry! Oh, it just comes out of-- Oh, they were once also of the race of man as well, I believe. I think that's true. We learned. And yeah, they did a lot of murdering and then I guess they were turned into soup. That's what I'm saying! The soup was consumed, right? Oh yeah. And then they turned into horrible hags. So you know this cauldron then?

I know of it in whispers. I know of it in tales. I know of it in the stories the butterflies bring to my grove. It is a cauldron of immeasurable age, ancient and powerful, belonging to, well, Yonah is unimportant. Does Yonah have metal teeth, by chance? Then you know of her. We've seen visions. I think we stumbled into...

One of her hourglasses. She was a giant! She looks confused, but-- Yeah, me too. -- shakes her head. The Cauldron was not given willingly. It was stolen. At least that's what the stories tell. Those are the words the butterflies sing. But we move too quickly. We must start at the beginning. The domain of Prismir was once ruled by Svelner.

She ruled fairly from the castle of the Palace of Heart's Desire and was usurped by her cruel sisters, the Three Hags, which you know of. Yep. Those at Bilna was vainglorious and deceitful at times. Her magic is what kept Prismir safe and isolated from the rest of the Feywild. Okay.

Will you please stop it? "Oh, so what?" You don't need to say that. He thinks he's active listening. He doesn't realize he's doing it. It's very distracting. Okay. For all people involved. Okay. You're doing it still. "What? I'm doing what?" You keep saying okay. "Okay." Just don't make sound out of your mouth. He doesn't even hear that he's doing it. We're so sorry.

Where was I? I didn't even know a unicorn could get distracted and then you show up. Sibylna's magic was the only thing what kept it separated from the Feywild. That's an act of listening. Thank you. I'll learn from the best. Learn from me mom. Now, Sibylna's palace is a place of wonder. Anyone that was looking for

Well, their heart's desire could travel there and beseech Sibylna to make their wildest dreams come true, and she would. She would help them. Now, they were only able to access her palace by invitation, though with the hag's magic being what it is, I don't know if those rules still apply.

Regardless, when they realized they wanted Prismir for their own, for what purpose, I'm not quite sure, and the butterflies do not tell. They utilize the stolen cauldron of ancient magics and the unicorn horn that you now hold in your hand to put the Palace of Hearts to Sire in a time stop. Everything within, everything but the Jabberwock, which cannot be controlled, is frozen in time.

I do believe that undoing this magic will take quite a few powerful magical artifacts. One, you will have to fell the foul beast that guards the castle, the Jabberwock. There is only one thing that can stop it. The blade key. What? No. Oh man. I thought you had it. I had it right here, but yeah. The Vorpal Sword.

But it has been lost to time. That was close. Dang. And none that I'm aware still know of its location. It may not even be in Prismir any longer, and if it's not, then we are lost. But you have something in your possession. That horn. Why do you keep raising that stone key of...

Of blades. I'm sorry? It's a blade key. It's a stone key of blades. No, it's a stone key of absolutely no value. Well, I mean, this thing's killed a jabberwock once or twice in its day. You just got to galumph right afterwards and then it's totally fine. Oh, are you a bard? Are you telling a tale?

a story, weaving a tale. My card? No. Take one look at me. I got fluffy pantaloons and a ridiculous instrument I strum around with, a crazy hat. Well, then why are you telling lies? You see this beard?

Every magical creature we meet in a fair while Very certain he's heard a story from a man with a beard and fluffy pantaloons and an instrument and he was very much a bard

"Well, nah, it was probably a lie." He may be-- Well, then it was definitely a bard. "What? No." Bards-- "Hang on, okay?" They live on lies. Did he say, like, "Hey, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n "and throw flower petals and stuff?" How did you know?! "No way he had a beard, bullshit." He did!

"You have your language." Come on, man! "I'm sorry, it's just second nature. "I apologize." Tormek is on fire! Tormek not on fire! I mean, they really do say "hey, n-n-n-n-n-y" home a little more. Quite often. We are digressing. Oh yeah, oh, sorry. Yeah. I believe

You will need the Vorpah Blade to fell the Jabberwock to make your way into the Palace of Heart's Desire if you're going to rescue Zibilna and free Prismir from the clutches of these three hags, the Hourglass Coven. But you will need two additional items to do so. Along with this? The horn in which you hold and the cauldron itself. Now the horn the butterflies have told me has been altered. Will you bring it to me?

Of course. She motions her head towards the horn, and you watch as she angles her horn down towards it, and as the light pierces into the tip of the horn, it shoots beams of light through Eledin's horn, and you see, created on the grass beneath you, a map of all of Prismir. Whoa! That's pretty cool. It is as I thought, for you see,

The hags' memories are not so great. One of the three forgets most things at the beginning of a new day. None of them would trust the other with keeping the cauldron for their own, so it only stands to reason they would hide it. But, with their memories being faulty and not trusting any of the others to keep the secret safe, they would etch it on the horn, a map.

You will need to use that to find it. How it works, I cannot tell you, for I do not understand hag magic. But we at least know its purpose and what it can do to get you to where you need to go. Is the map still on the floor, on the ground? The moment she moves her head away and the light from her horn stops shining through it, it disappears. I like Trudy. Is there a button on the app? No, we've got an Indiana Jones-like bitch. Ahem.

Oh wait, hold on. I run off to the shore and I hold it up across the lake. Oh look, see, it lines up perfectly with the Bruins of the Death Star. Somehow they knew that I would be standing at this exact point and that the horn would have this exact shape. Isn't that fucking crazy? That's untrue. I was going to say, no, all MacGuffins are far more likely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. That is untrue. No, I don't do any of that.

So we'll figure out how to use this then, and this'll tell us how to get to the cauldron? "That is the hope. "Though nothing when dealing with these hags "is going to be foolproof, "and you are five fools standing in front of me now." Yeah, stands to reason. Well, you know what they say about fools. They are wiser than you expect.

I've never heard that before. And they can make a living through their flatulence alone. How? She looks at you very quizzically and then continues to look towards you, Cremi. How the cauldron is used, that is another matter altogether.

The hags can work it because they are hags by their very nature. Yep. But you will need to find someone to help you. Somewhere in Prismir is a warlock. The warlock whose patron is Baba Yaga. It is through her that you will be able to learn more about the Cauldron, but you will have to gain her favor. Do you happen to know where she is? I do not. All right.

Have I ever heard of Baba Yaga before? Roll a history check. Out on the floor. I love how all of us are like . I mean, who? ♪ Torbjörn is going to be very honest ♪ ♪ Torbjörn gasps because everyone else gasps ♪ ♪ Torbjörn has no clue what's happening ♪ You know, Baba Yaga is a great song by The Y.

Oh, I get it. Yeah, that was pretty good. I got a 20. You have heard of Baba Yaga in Augwe. You know that there were people who would turn away from the Loa, but would look towards Baba Yaga and head out into the swamp for different reasons. Wait, are you talking about-- wait, I've heard that name before.

faint stories in the Whippoorwallow Swamp about folks who call upon her or say she lurks amongst the trees. She's fucking real? Of course she is real. I apologize for my language. You need natural language. I'm sorry. And so what you're saying is that this warlock

that worships Baba Yaga, she'll be able to tell us how to use this. No, how to use the cauldron. So we got to find out how to get the map from the horn. Okay. Then we'll use the map to get the cauldron. Okay, nevermind. Nothing at all. I mean, silence. Once we get the cauldron, then we find the warlock. Okay. And then the warlock will tell us how to use the cauldron. And then we somehow find the vorpal sword.

And then we kill the Jabberwock with the Vulvasword. Wait, wait, wait. Where does all of this go on our current list of things to do?

This is going to the top. Everything else, I have to go straight to the bottom. We made so many promises to so many people. Torbjorn can't remember them all. He's getting the nervous sweats. Who cares about that horse lady? I really don't. I mean, you guys. Well, not really. Who? Torbjorn doesn't even know. And you don't even know that. What's his heart for?

Not you, not you. There was a horse lady, remember, at the carnival? She was like, oh, she was a centaur. No, Torbjorn must have just missed it. Yeah. And then there was like Curly's cousin. No, Burly's cousin, Curly. Oh, yeah. Well, those guys kidnapped Torbjorn, you know? Torbjorn gets shot after the carnival.

on time and gotten a proper job. None of this would have ever happened. Oh yeah, she's the one that we met right after Gideon started getting haunted by Chuckles. Oh yeah, that's right. Oh, was that right after? That was right after. What if that was like Chuckles in disguise? Oh god. I guess he's dead. I hate that clown. Anyways, anyways. I think we got the plan, unless there's more you can tell us. Hmm?

That's enough. There is only one other thing that may be helpful. On the second floor of the Palace of Heart's Desire is a room, a room that Zabillna treasured above all others. It's where she kept her tomes of the most ancient knowledge. If, by the time you make it to the palace, there is anything that you are unsure of, it is in this room you will find the answers. Like anything? Zabillna was kind.

But she was also secretive. This room was her most precious place. If there is something Zabillna knew, it would be documented in this room. But to get in, we have to kill the Jabberwock. It is true. There is no way to access the gates of the palace without slaying the beast. All right, we'll figure that out. I think we'll leave that up to the King of Hearts, hopefully.

You need to travel to Yon. Okay. There is someone who can help you. An oil can named Squirt. Someone? Get in, Star. I'm fine. What? What do you find so comical? I'm laughing at Grinko. Get in! What? You do? Listen! Little green! Come on, man! There's no Ed and Grinko! There's no D!

"There's no end in Krakow!" Guys, keep it together! "Squirt, man, and he got me." I thought you were like, "I'm a mechanic. "That's a little bit of mechanics here, man. "Oh, okay." "I'm a solo brow Gideon. "I'll be supportive of you." "Oh, I'm sorry." There is an oil can named Squirt. "All right." You can find him at Little Oak. "Little Oak, okay." With a getaway gang.

It's got a whole gang? Yes. All right. The band of misfit children that Will of the Feywild has rescued from Granny Nightshade. Oh, the fellow on the water posters. Yes. All right. Little Oak is a treant. Ooh. They have found their home in the boughs of his tree.

It is there that the Getaway Gang plans to rescue the rest of the children from Granny Nightshade's workshops. And it is also there that Squirt has found a home. Now I do know, as my butterflies have told,

That's Njarn.

"Scamifer." No. We saw loom lurch. That is here in-- "You saw loom lurch and told us about it." Oh yeah, I know all about loom lurch. "Loom lurch is the downed oak tree "rotting in the middle of the forest "that Granny Nightshade calls her home. "Now, my suggestion is that you take one of my butterflies "and let them guide you to Little Oak.

You befriend Will of the Feywild in the Getaway Gang. Nice. And in doing so, get their permission to take Squirt along with you. You will have to help him refill his oil reservoir, but once doing so, you will be able to freely move into Yon. Whatever tasks you need to do in thither before then, I would suggest you do them. Before or after we follow your butterfly? Your next stop

should be Little Oak in the getaway game. Okay, that's what I was-- Yeah, we were-- Just confirming. I was going to-- If you hadn't mentioned Will of the Feywild, I was waiting for the right opportunity to inquire, because I believe he was next on our list to find out, to see if he's running some sort of underground rebellion. I will be careful with Will of the Feywild. Oh? He is not quite what he seems. Do you know why he's wanted? Why the reward is so--

At least at face value, uh, generous? Granny Nightshade hates children, despises them. Oh yeah, we know. She steals children from the mortal realms and brings them here in their nightmares and in their waking nightmares, and she puts them to work in her workshop making horrific toys. So she just wants them because he's a kid?

He steals the children from her and adds them to the getaway gang. Oh, he's liberating kids, man, from their weird child toy prison. So we shouldn't turn him in for like eternal life or whatever it was? No! That is your choice to make. Well, no, no, I mean, I didn't realize he had such a noble cause. The poster man had to look like a jackass.

Oh, fuck! Can you please watch your language? He really can't. He's trying very hard. It would be so much worse if he wasn't trying. Do you guys think Will's full name is William Walk? What? William Walk. Of? Like the Bill Walk? Yeah, but William.

We could go by Bill, I mean, I'll be stopping him. Maybe, I mean, Torbjorn's just thinking out loud. Why would his last name be that, I guess, is my question. It's another thing you can find in a kitchen that doesn't, is in a pan.

What? What the hell? I think I missed something, Jorma. I like your Peter Pan reference. Jorma, you're such a kid! I mean, I'm afraid-- You were trying really hard. I appreciate it. Wait, what?

It's okay. I'd prefer if he was called Bill Dutch Oven. Doran was also going to go with William Waffle Iron, but a wok is actually a pan. It's one syllable, it kind of works. There used to be a guy who would come into Uncle Globo's shop who apparently he moonlit his name was Bill Dutch Oven.

They never caught him. They never caught him. Willy Wisk, Bill Skillet. They never got him from release four off what I heard. Well, I'm glad the DM got your reference, because the three of them are like, "Oh." I'm like, someone's going to get it eventually. "No, it's okay. "It's just door-back things."

What have I messed up? Never mind, I don't know. You're done, you're done. You do it-- Oh, squirt! You do it one more time and your name will be canonically Grinko. No! You're fakers. Your name will permanently be changed to Grinko. So we got to find Squirt and he just walks over.

What did I say? You do it one more time. No, no, no, I do it, I do his voice. Okay, that's it. All right, okay, well then, the next stop, we'll follow the butterfly to We'll Walk and take it from there. It's William. William Walk. But remember, we have to be careful because he's not what he seems. Well, that could be propaganda.

Wait, who told us that? Lamorne! Sorry, Dormek was still really worried about his horrible flop, dude.

He was so sure that Mr. Krammy would know what Torbjorn was talking about. He was pretty sharp about this. I feel like if Frost were here, Torbjorn would have said, "Frost, my god, man." Yeah, he's had the shits for at least a day or two. I feel like Frosty would probably write-- Please watch your language. I'm sorry. Frosty, I feel like, would have said, "Hey, that's pretty funny."

But unfortunately my name is Grinko, not Grinko, so he will not say that to me. That's okay. Froschie, you doing okay? You need some paedialyte?

What part of stop talking to Frost your name's gonna be Grinko, don't you understand? No more referencing Frost. Who? Our party's always been four. Frost is standing there

there with you, he doesn't have the shits, he's just deep in thought, and will be for the next three hours. Okay. So, can we leave immediately? If that is your wish, you can. Oh, you don't deal in gold, and I know you're not a fey wild creature, or a fey creature, but we must offer you any trinket of your choice.

I have no need of material possessions, but you do. And I see that your hearts are true and that you really will try to reunite that horn with Eloden. I will. And so I give you these two things. Do you have a vial on you? I got a shmason jar too.

Do you have a vial on you? A frost. You take a vial from Frost. I know he's got vials. I take a vial from Frost. Show me Elodin's horn, please. Immediately, you watch as two large tears begin to roll down her cheek. Take them. Oh, oh.

And I will collect the tears. You watch as one, two, three teardrops drop into the vial before you're able to cork it. What is some-- No, we can't, no. I can't sit across from him anymore. I cork the vial. What's going on? Something happened at work earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How is this at work? This has magical properties. They're unicorn tears. So yes.

And lastly, you may pluck one single hair from my mane. Oh. Only one. Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to, like, hurt you. Would you like me to change my mind? No, no, no, no. I mean, I'm just, it just seems, you know, a little violent, but I'm happy to if you don't mind. I'll just take a little short one here. Here we go. None of the hairs are short.

and you take a long, beautiful, pearlescent strand of white hair, and you can feel the magic thrumming through this strand of hair. And-- Cross, can I get another please, thank you. I'll put it in the second vial, and I'll pork it. And with that, let the next leg of your journey begin. And if I do see you again, it will be with my thanks.

And both you and Elladon will be thanking us. I realize now that sounds very bad. Why are you threatening her? You will be in a beautiful time with your husband, horse-band, and everyone will be happy.

We swear it on our lives, especially Torbjörn's. Or we'll die to the Jabberwock, either way.

She bows to you. It is a strange sight to see such an elegant and beautiful creature bow to you in this way, but she does. Though her eyes never leave yours, she still keeps her head tilted up to watch you. She slowly backs towards the ruins and then lowers herself onto the soft floral bed where you know that she has made her home.

with a soft whistle, which doesn't sound like it could come from the mouth of a unicorn. You immediately see a veritable swarm of butterflies fly up out of the tree line, and they all swirl around and dance. You hear the sounds of singing, voices in common, all of it meshing together, creating a cacophony until eventually one singular butterfly alofts down and

flies directly in front of your face, Kremi. Beautiful colors of purples and blue. His head is fluffy, his antenna bouncing. He is wearing fluffy pants and he has a great beard. You see a tiny lyre strapped to his back. No fucking way. That's a warrior if I've ever seen one. That's a warrior butterfly. Morgan, man!

He looks towards you, and while still floating in the air, he lets out a, he folds into a gentle bow, and he says, let us away, gentlemen. We are heading to Little to meet the one and only Will of the Feywild. Oh my god. And yes, he's a barter fly. Yes!

Yes! That's so great, with a great big bushy beard! He does, he has a great big bushy beard. I just wanted to say that as you were describing the butterflies magically flying out of the woods and the trees, I thought to myself that we're a bunch of mid-30s men going on the most magical adventure I've ever heard in my entire life, and it nearly brought me to tears. Aw, thanks, Andy. Magic is real. It is, it is. And it exists at this table.

This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Avantris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas. Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to thecrookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement,

the Crooked Mood, a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Nice to meet you, Butterfly. What's your name? Maybe you gotta sing to it. Oh!

Butterfly in disguise. You guys don't let me DM. You literally just don't. We can't even just jump into a session and let me set the tone. You guys just gotta do this. Hey, nini, no, nini. Hey, nini, no.

Oh man. Just let him live for a while. Okay, let's go. Yeah, fine. You want to jump back into it like that? We will. He looks towards you and he pulls out his lyre. He looks out at you and he bows towards you and he pulls out his lyre.

They told me you had been to her and mentioned me to him. She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim. And then he laughs and flutters away a little bit in front of you and then waves his hand as if to follow. Oh, this is going to be so fun!

Oh, he really is a bard. Oh, I thought he was just a handsome warrior. I was wondering why he was rhyming so much. With a beard like that, there's no way he's a bard. Oh no, I'm the jury, he's still out. He still hasn't said hey, ninny, ho, ninny. I mean, I'm playing all the tunes, I'm a musician and I'm a druid, so-- As you say hey, ninny, ho, ninny, he quickly darts back and lands upon your head. He begins to do a jig as he says.

He sent them word I had not gone. We know it to be true. If she should push the matter on, what would become of you? Quit speaking of riddles. Should we just follow you? What the hell is this guy? We should follow you to the lovely tree, right? I gave her one, they gave him two. You gave us three or more. They all returned from him to you, though they were mine before. And then he alights up into the air and begins to fly.

All right, Mia, it's been a pleasure. I'll save Jeff, I promise. And whatever's-- Ellador. You really going to insult her like that before you leave? I'm just ruffling the lats. She's a person, she's a person! Mia Farrow and Jeff Davis. Yeah, I know, you're talking about the voice actors. I'm just kidding. No, I know your name. Lemorna, thank you so much for the help. We were wayward souls, and now we have purpose and vision and direction.

and we didn't have to make a deal with any bad people. Actually, this is an absolute win! It really is. It's pretty good. We gotta find a way to use the map before we restore the horn to, uh, Ellador. Oh, yeah. He's in the next zone over. I guess we got time. You're right. Order of operations.

"Farewell. If we need to reach you, "do you have some sort of magical--" She has already stopped talking to you. She's been laying in her bed, and it is as if you no longer exist. She looks so comfy. "Well, goodbye, farewell, lead the way, "noble butterfly." Love what you did with the place. And he flies, and as he does, he recites poems and songs and

Anytime you attempt to speak to him, it is a different poem or a different song or a different dance or a different tune that he plays for you. None of the things that he ever says make much sense at all, though sometimes what he says sounds like it could be in response, but for the most part, it is all whimsy and it is all madness.

but he continues to lead you about until eventually you find yourselves at a crossroad. You've been traveling

I would say an hour, maybe two at this point, traveling along what are some rough-hewn roads through this ancient forest. And you have taken many turns and you've come to many forks and the butterfly has always led you on. In his sing-song voice with his happy little jig, he has led you forward until you find yourself at this crossroads.

And it is here that the butterfly spins off into the air and he strums gently on his lyre as he looks towards the path. He looks towards the paths in front of you, one forward and then one to the right and one to the left. And he looks between all of you as if waiting for you to make a choice. What should we do? Yeah, is there like a poem for this?

- You asking him to do a poem? - Yeah. - Which path you take, oh noble butterfly? - Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin. You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in. His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed. His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed. He sways his head from side to side with movements like a snake, and when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

Oh, the answer's left. Well done, Torbjorn, let's go. Well done, Torbjorn. I didn't understand any of that. Torbjorn just knows sometimes. Yeah, I thought he was just talking about cats. Play some jaunty traveling music, will you? You make to turn towards the left.

Yeah. As you do. Often the silence of the night when the lonely moon rides high, when wintry winds are whistling and we hear the owl shrill cry. In the quiet, dusty chamber by the flickering firelight, rising up between two sleepers comes a spirit all in white. Oh wait, hold on. Hey, what's going on? It doesn't matter, guys. That's not ominous at all.

Yeah, I mean, what he said-- Wait, he ain't afraid of no ghosts. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I feel like left now is spooky ghosts. What are you gavel for that, Torebank? What? You're saying Macavity is left? Yeah, it's obvious. You guys didn't hear it? Well, I just assumed that you figured out whatever fucking riddle he was speaking.

Wait, that was a riddle? Oh, I don't know. We trusted you, Dormag! I don't make sense of anything you said. Yeah, Dormag didn't know what he was saying either. Dormag just knows we're supposed to go left. All right. Um, Mr. McCavity, whatever your name is. McCavity's the cat. Oh. Uh, is there a spooky ghost this way?

He looks to you and you see a look of horror on his face for a second. My mistress eyes are nothing like the sun. Coral is far more red than her lips red. If snow be white, why then her breasts are done. If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damasked red and white, but no such roses see eye in her cheeks.

Oh, now Torbjorn thinks we're supposed to go right. Yeah, that sounds like the undead. If I'm being honest. Torbjorn is very sure we're supposed to go right. All right, we'll go right then.

This way, good butterfly. As you make your way towards the right, he begins to read. Oh no. Or he begins to say, "The broad-backed hippopotamus "rests on his belly in the mud. "Although he seems so firm to us, "he's merely flesh and blood. "Flesh and blood is weak and frail, "susceptible to nervous shock. "While the true--" And then he stops speaking. The true what? You feeling all right? While the true--

Well, it sounds like this is just a hippopotamus. I think a hippopotamus is a spooky ghost. Wait, wait, wait. Do you guys have any idea how dangerous hippopotamuses are? They're harmless. We gotta go with the ghosts. You can also move forward. A full-grown hippopotamus will tear a man to shreds.

instantly. No way. No way. Yes way. I could take a full grown hippopotamus. Oh no. You definitely couldn't, Vinny. Yes I could, man. I don't think you can. Well now I want to go this way just for principle.

Why are you talking-- there's only one kind of bad hippopotamus, and it's a purpulous, pecus hippopotamus from the second level of the Lion King game for the SNES. Fuck that hippo! All of the hippos are cool, Torbjorn! We're going right! Oh, well, Torbjorn is being outvoted. Just don't say Torbjorn didn't tell you so.

I mean, like he said, hippos are just flesh and blood. So if it causes problems, we just kill it. Torbjörn's gonna think that everyone's gonna wish we went with the ghost. Fine, do you want to hear what the middle road poem is? We should hear what the middle road poem is. And then we go right? Fine. I think that middle might be the cat though. No, left was the-- oh. No, left was the spooky ghost. Left was the spooky ghost, right is very charming hippopotamus.

Wilma, we'll hear him out.

What was it, was the middle the cat? Mm-hmm. Was the middle the cat? No. Oh. Speaking of cats. Cat was the crooked coo of bananas. Cat was your crossroads. The cat was the clue to go left and we thought about it and then we're like, oh no, it definitely means right. Then we heard about the unbelievably dangerous hippopotamus, so now we're trying the middle. Okay, so we have

And then we have . All the while, the butterfly dances to the tunes of your song, but you are making a motion to move towards the middle? Yeah, just to check, just to see what happens. And as you do, he begins to say, "The sun was shining on the sea, "shining with all his might. "He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright. "And this was odd because it was the middle of the night."

The moon was shining sulkily because she thought the sun had got no business to be there after the day was done. It's very rude of him, he said, to come and spoil the fun. Wow. I mean, that seems pretty innocuous. This path is, like, sunny? Torvang doesn't know what that means, but Torvang agrees. Oh, I think it's about a ship at sea billowing the sails at night. Sailing at nighttime. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Oh, like...

Two ships passing in a knot. Yeah, I guess. I mean, what's the theme song of this one? Well, that was pleasant. Oh, he's not done. I kind of like this one. And then there's going to be a bunch of angels who are actually aliens.

Do you say angels and aliens? You think that aliens are easier to deal with than one hippopotamus? Oh, absolutely. We got spooky ghosts, we got angel aliens, and we got some hungry, hungry hippos. I saw that movie. That movie fucking sucked.

Angels and aliens? Angels versus aliens? What is that? With Harrison Ford. Who? Directed by John Barry. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, it's terrible. I think we go right. I like the charming, it sounds like a very fun, like, situation, like a fun watering hole. Oh, that's a lot of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got one of those? Like the second level of the SNES Lion King game fucking shit. Well, again. The butterfly begins to speak again. Uh-oh.

The sea was wet as wet could be, the sands were dry as dry. You could not see a cloud because no cloud was in the sky. No birds were flying overhead, there were no birds to fly. The walrus and the carpenter were walking close at hand. They wept like anything to see such quantities of sand. If this were only cleared away, they said, it would be grand.

Oh man, that sounds pretty cool. Walruses are kind of fun. Yeah, I love walruses. They're one of my favorite animals. And they're not nearly as dangerous as hippopotamuses. Yeah, but if there's a whole bunch of sand this way, you know how hard that is on gears? It's terrible for gears, I'll tell you, if you don't know. It gets in everything. He's got a good point. I mean, we should probably avoid the sand if we can help it. Okay. Listen, if you want to go the sand route, I'm just saying. I'm not moving any sand.

And I'm not sitting down either.

Do you hate sand? You just don't hate it. You just, you know, there are better places to be. Is it coarse and harsh and gets everywhere? Yes! Ah, okay. It's coarse and harsh. It gets everywhere. It gets in everywhere. And you're just never comfortable shitting for a week. How do you feel about younglings, Gideon? I'll stand between Gideon and Hootsie. Well, okay, I like... I vote either walrus or hippo.

Nothing with spooky ghosts or zombies or some strange cat named Macavity. Nine out of ten dentists would say we should not go on that path. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Oh no!

Funny enough, all of a sudden you all look at Grinko and you realize that his name is permanently changed. A name tag erupts on his chest. None of you remember him ever being called anything but Grinko Grimgrin. I love living in the world of Adventress. Anyway, if we want to go where Hippopotamus is, then so be it. Last one!

Okay, let's take a vote. A full-grown hippopotamus makes the Elden Beans of Virginian sales look like a cakewalk. I mean, I've never heard that, but have you ever seen a hippopotamus, Torbac? Yes. Why would you think Torbac hasn't seen a hippopotamus? The butterfly begins to speak. Ha!

If seven maids with seven mops swept it for half a year, do you suppose, the walrus said, that they could get it clear? I doubt it, said the carpenter, and shed a bitter tear. Oh, oysters come and walk with us, the walrus did beseech. A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, along the briny beach. We cannot do with more than four to give a hand to each. And that's for the forward path, Stu? I mean, you're still standing there, so. Let's go back to the hippo path. Maybe he'll finish his rhyme.

Okay, let's think about it. We are guessing left is spooky ghosts and zombies and ghouls and ghasts and shades. Geists. Wait, are you raising your hand for that fucking pad? Yes! Put your fucking hand down. We're not going down. That's not going up. Forward is the sea.

It is send. If Torvig has two votes, he also votes metal. You guys have one vote. It's how democracy works. So you're standing over by the right path right now. Yes. Yeah. The hip hopper part on this path. Forward is

is the beach, a walrus, oysters, brine. Lots of sand. Some cocktail sauce, maybe. Hold on. Some pina coladas, a little bit of a ton. There's refreshments. I mean, I could be coming around. If Tormek's vote for initial vote doesn't get enough votes to even have a chance of winning, Tormek's vote should be transferred to his second favorite band.

Which is the beach! He begins to speak. He's outwardly respectable. They say he cheats at cards and his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yards. And when the larder's looted or the jewel case is rifled or when the milk is missing or another peak's been stifled or the greenhouse glass is broken and the trellis past repair, aye, there's the wonder of the thing. Macavity's not there.

Oh, this is the fucking... the hippo is the same thing as the cat? Oh. Well, that's a lot less interesting. That's a lot less interesting.

Especially if Scott is going to be there. Yeah. Yeah, Scott-lands yard. I thought Scottland was a district of Galtica. No, it's like a discount warehouse owned by some guy named Scott. Oh, makes sense. Yeah, it's like yard furniture. That's why it's Scotland Yard. All right, I vote for angels and aliens.

Yeah, me too. Well, it sounds pretty cool. Is that the beach? Yeah. Okay, Tormek also votes for the beach. So are you going right, left, or straight? Forward, straight, straight. Walrus Town. ♪ I thought that day was angels ♪ ♪ But to my surprise ♪ ♪ I climbed aboard their starship ♪ ♪ We're headed for the skies ♪ I like this continues. The butterfly begins to speak. ♪ Come sail away, come sail ♪

The walrus and the carpenter walked on a mile or so, and then they rested on a rock, conveniently low, and all the little oysters stood and waited in a row. The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things, of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings. And as he says the final words, he flies up into the sky and disappears.

and you are left alone on the forward path. As you look behind you, you see the crossroads are gone, as if they had never been there before. It is just a singular path that stretches on for miles behind you. Oh god, do we fuck up? Well, maybe. Either way, Torvay's glad that story ended because he didn't like where it was going. Oh, do you think that

Why are you looking at me like that? Do you think that-- He's blaming Grinko. I didn't murder a family of oysters, that was the fucking law of confidence. You think that that story was going to end in the gaslighting and subsequent massacre of children? It certainly sounded like it was going that way. I don't know why you would presume that, Tormek. Tormek was having a pretty good game until he heard that story.

I mean, it's like, oh, hello, oysters. Let's go there. I just want to walk along the briny beach. What's wrong with that? It's a very friendly, neighborly thing to ask, Torbett. Just getting a bad feeling. I think you just might be a sourpuss today, Torbett. I feel like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, as if you were chased by a ghost and had to watch and smell Frost shitting himself for hours. Yeah, those things did happen. And listen to. Torbett didn't want

any of that to happen and all of those things happen. Oh, those ghosts were spooky. You still wanted to go down the left path. You fucking idiot. We just got root notes. You've never seen a hippopotamus, Mr. Cremmy. Yeah, I have.

No, you haven't. In a zoo? You don't know. You don't know! They look awfully charming and friendly. All right? Except that one from the fucking SNES. Fuck that hippo. Fuck that hippo. Those shitty monkeys. Goddamn, what are you, two dudes? Ostrich. Fuck, fuck! Okay! Now what do we do? Well, we have no path but forward. Hopefully there's some nice beach, there's some nice tropical beverages.

And, you know, nice oysters and bread with butter. No children massacre, hopefully. Yeah, none of that. None of that. Let's establish that right now. We are not hoping for any of that. We're going to manifest anything but that. Okay, Hootsie, let's go, we're safe. You continue on your walk. It doesn't feel like time passes at all. You walk and walk for hours.

And yet, the sun still seems to be held in the same place overhead that it was when you started. It was when you entered the Glade with Unicorn. As if time is in a standstill. You continue to walk.

ever watching the forest around you, remembering what it had been like to walk through the forest before you had gotten to La Morna's Island and how you had been perpetually walking through the same bit of forest over and over and over again. And now that that idea has crossed your mind, that that's a thing that can happen here, you look for it and you see that that is not the case here. The trees are ever changing.

The forest that you're walking through is not the same as it was an hour ago or an hour prior. And eventually, you hear a sound on the wind. The sounds of sniffling, crying, pained groan. And you look up ahead and you see that there appears to be a small bit of a clearing. Maybe another crossroads or a fork in the road. Something, at the very least. And that seems to be where that noise is coming from.

Does the noise, the sniffling sound like a crying child? It doesn't. Oh, okay. Okay. I think somebody needs help. They're very sad, it sounds like. We should be careful, though, of any tricks. I think this is like the walrus. Or the carpenter. It's probably the carpenter.

What do you think Torbjörn? Torbjörn doesn't know. Torbjörn still thinks we might have messed up. Told you we should have gone with spooky ghosts. Hello? Do you need help spooky ghost?

Are you a spooky ghost or are you friendly? Are you walking up to the clearing? Yeah. You say this as you make your way towards this clearing, which it becomes very clear to you is a pathway that diverges. This road clearly continues forward. You do see that there is a tall wooden sign that has two

two posts on it, one leading towards the forward path, something scribbled on it in a potentially

Sylvan and then the other one pointing down another path leading towards the right. Also with a marker indicating what would be down that path and that catches your eye for an instant but it is what is on the ground in front of this signpost that draws your attention. It is what looks to be a bundle of

woven blankets, shawls, cloaks, all bundled onto the ground and pulsing. And then you hear it, the sniffling and the whimpering, and you realize that it is not a bundle of fabrics, but it is an elderly woman.

who is laying on the ground, tempting wearily and shakily to get to her feet and continually collapsing onto the ground. You see for a moment a flash of her pale, wrinkled skin, and you see that her ankle is dark, dark purple. And you notice very quickly that there is a walking stick embedded in the ground, snapped in half.

it appears to have hit some sort of rock and snapped and she had tumbled and she is struggling, not even noticing you as she's trying to gain her bearings, as she whimpers and she calls out in pain as she tries to find some way to get to her feet. Help her up, kid. Oh, well, gosh. Excuse me, excuse me, young lady. Do you need a strapping young lad to help you? What happened here? Are you all right?

Young lady? Who you talking to, this old lady? She immediately startles for a moment and she looks around and she fixes the spectacles that are on her face. They're overly large and the prescription, if prescriptions were a thing, in a Vantress would be clearly high as it magnifies her eyes, very similar to Twig, as she looks over towards you and, "Oh, look at you! "Oh, you've come to help me!"

Oh gosh, you sweet little sprout, can you please help me up? Yeah, Gideon's a real big strong lad. I'm looking at you, you strappy lad. Oh yeah, I mean, can you even stand up if I lift you up? Look at that ankle. I'm not going to be able to put much weight on it, that's for sure. Yeah, you look like you got one foot in the grave in your little banana peel.

I'm sorry, what did you say? I said you look like you got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Oh, you sweet little sprout. Oh, well. If you could just help me up. Yeah, okay. And help me get my staff. There you go. I'll find my footing.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. I will make a banana potus. Ooh, I didn't know you knew that. I know that word. What brings you out here into the forest on a day like this?

Let's make up a little bit. All right, oh, oh, ow, why are you putting so much pressure on my ankle? This isn't me, this isn't me, and I'm trying to help you. Ow, ow, ow, ow! I thought you said it only took a second to apply. Why are you still massaging her foot? Oh no! Oh no! You take her shoe off, and that's it.

You take the shoe off on the wrong foot, the one that's not even swollen. Well, we should have the high heel be critical to solving the mystery. To confirm the identity. That makes the best narrative we can film.

Tarantino? What did you do? Tarantino. Tarantino. Tarantino. Tarantino. Tarantino. Tarantino. Is it Prince Charming in Cinderella? Is that his name? Yeah. Where it's like, oh man, I saw them, it was beautiful woman. I was like, oh, what did she look like? No! Get all of the women in the kingdom! I must look at their feet! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No, can you get a description? What did she look like? No, no, I think we can just find her with a description. There's no other way. You would be executed if you don't bring me all of their feet. There's no other way, just bring all of the women. I am trying to heal her swollen ankle with bananas.

How many are you using? I mean, so-- Oh, you're doing healing work. I'm just doing healing touch, but I'm just, I'm doing banana flavor. Banana flavor. You're just playing with it. Jesus Christ. You're sick, though. You reach down and you help her with her ankle.

feel that there's clearly a break here, and if left in this way, that the foot will set improperly, and she will struggle to walk going forward. So you tell her it's going to be a little bit painful, but she's not prepared for what you do as you set the ankle, and then use your druidic magics to mend the bone. She yells out in pain,

but the sigh of relief that comes next is palpable in the air around you. As she looks down, you can see that the purple swelling is turning to a pink as the ankle is healing in your hands. I know it may be alarming that I don't have medical supplies and there's just bananas and jungle vines!

Magic! And there's funky swing music playing! But I promise I know what I'm doing! I promise I know what I'm doing! And, uh, I'll do that, and I'll say, "Gideon, put her on Hootsie, it'll be nice and comfy for her!" Okay, here you go, come on, sit up here, old lady, alright? Come on. Take a load off. It seems like you broke your walking stick, let me mend that for you. Here you are.

and you do this. I mean-- How you feeling? I already forgot what her accent sounded like. Blimey! Are you kidding me? You helped me with my ankle and I appreciate it so much. What are you sprouts doing over here? We're lost.

Little Auntie Ethel will help you out. You tell me where you're headed and then I'll point you in the right direction. We're looking for-- You've done me quite the favor here with my ankle. A treant by the name of Little Oak, if you happen to know where he is. I don't know a treant by that name, but I do know there's a treant if you keep heading straight forward. And if you're looking to go to Loom Lurch, you can take this path here that I was heading on. You know of a whole bunch of kids living in that tree?

She looks at you nervously.

Who's asking? What do you mean, who's asking? I just picked you up off the ground. His name's Gideon, he's asking. We just scooped you up off the ground, healed your ankle, no more questions. We're looking for school children. We're looking. Now leave this in here, Granny. Jails where the fucking kids are at.

Or I'll make your other angle purple! Oh. And what use do you have of any children?

I don't really have any use for them. I'm just looking for them. We're trying to help them, all right? Oh yeah, that's what I meant. We know that there's a kid that needs some assistance, and we are just trying to do them a favor, and frankly, it's for a side quest. We're just trying to knock it out before we continue with the main plot line. I'm not sure what any of that means, but you helped me out, so I'll tell you. I heard children's laughter over that way, the way of the--

The other treant, I don't know if it had a name. And we just continue down the path this way? You just keep going straight unless you're planning to go loom lurch. And that's that way? No, we got other stuff to do. It's the path I'm heading.

Okay, well, remember, that way is Loon Lurch, so when we come back, we just make a rot. Charles, put it on the map, will you? Yeah, of course, yeah. I have a map right here in my bag. You do, remember? You drew it on the map. Okay, the path is right here. There we go. We are quite close to Loon Lurch, actually. Sorry. And it stands to reason. Okay.

Well, I mean, anyway. Do you need any-- I mean, do you want to come with us? Can you walk in this state? I'm on my way to Loon Lurch. I've got a favor to ask of Granny Nightshade. I'm hoping she'll help me with a problem I found myself in. You'd be scary for that. And I don't have many other choices, so.

I've been walking for a long time. I'm going to head on my way there. And if you happen to find yourself there too, well, I owe you a favor and I plan to pay it. Well, if you don't mind sharing, you say you're out of options. Perhaps there's one more option stumbled its way upon you. I'm sorry, what did you just say? Is there a way that we can help you with your problems here or to go to Scabify? I don't think so.

You all look very strong and capable. It's true. You've got a large owlbear in a carriage, which is pretty neat, and a small owlbear that's helping with your other things. Yeah, Juniper's still here, too. What a cheerio. Yeah.

You're very strong, you're very tall. I didn't notice you for a moment, because you're slinking through the shadows. Dormag's name is Dormag. It's nice to meet you. You look like you're capable of something. I am indeed. Well, what I need, I don't think any of you are capable of fixing. Well, what's the problem? Because-- What's your problem?

You gotta wait with words, you know? I'm just thinking, like, you know, this doesn't look like it's gonna have a problem for too much longer, the way things are looking. You know? You really do have a way with words. Like, you're a poet and you didn't even realize that was the case. I would never be a bard, okay? You watch it. That's true. Why not? What's your problem with bards, kiddo? I'm just saying, man, you know? I've got the beard of a bard. Hey! Hey!

No, that bird fly was very uncharacteristically handsome, okay? I don't know what the hell was going on, but he was hyper-masculine. He was certainly gugging. Jeez. My husband passed away recently. Oh. We have a small farm, just deeper in the thither. We supply a lot of mushrooms. Our main crop, and I can't run the place without them.

and I miss him terribly. And I know I shouldn't go to arrest and ask her to give him back, but he's been my best friend my whole life. And I don't know how to live in this world without him anymore. So I don't think he can help me. But I hope she can. Sorry to hear that. We certainly can't help you with that. No, that's out of our wheelhouse. I promised y'all I wouldn't go if I didn't have to. Are you looking for gold pieces? Would that help?

talking about the curtains cold. What the hell, Crammy? You give that lady a hundred pieces of curtains cold and she's gonna meet her husband way the hell before she gets there. Hey! Was he a talking guy? He was a man of few words. Was he? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Look, all I'm saying is, I wouldn't recommend making a deal with Granny Nightshade, all right? And I wouldn't if I didn't feel like I had to. I ain't got no choice. If you need some help and you're lonely, if you happen to find yourself on the south side of the Unicorn Pond or lake, whatever,

There might be a large pile of 700,000 gold pieces that-- It's like 350,000 gold pieces. 350,000 gold pieces that nobody's using. That's all I'm saying. It might just be an alternate solution to what you're dealing with, is all. She hobbles over to you using the staff that Frost had mended for her and she puts her old, wearied hand on your shoulder. You're young.

I know that gold-- fuck, I'm going to go into that accent again. I know that gold-- I know that gold, yeah! Stop talking about gold! I know you're young. Fuck, I can't do it. Anyway, she tells you you're young and gold won't matter so much when you get old. And that's what she tells you. God, I hate those accents together. Once it happens, you can't break it. I just wanted to offer an alternate solution. Totally up to you. It's there, southern side of the Weywood Pool.

Just sitting on the ground. Get into that. I don't think that there's really any way we could bring him back, right? It would mend my broken heart. Well... No.

Well... Because you got me laughing! Well, now that you mentioned it... I told you, wait, what words? I just had to think about it for a second. I just had to think about it for a second. You never know. You never know when inspiration's gonna strike. Well, golly, now that you mentioned it... Now...

She, for the sake of time and my sanity, she squeezes all of your shoulders individually, thanks you for the help that you've given, but must be on her way because time is short and...

She has a very important deal to make, one that she's not taking lightly. But she promises you that as she's traveling along the road, she will think about the choices ahead of her. And if she makes it to Loom Lurch, and she has the opportunity to make the deal, she will only do it if she feels like it is the right choice. But she will at least give it thought.

She wishes you all luck on your journey and she hopes that you find the children that you were looking for. We don't have to OP this, but I'll just say in closing, we'll keep an eye out for you in Loom Lurch if we ever miss it that way. We hope that she solves all your problems. She squeezes your hand and she reminds you that you have done her a great service today and that she is in your debt.

I'm glad I was able to fix your walking stick with my mind beads. Everything is coming up wrong. And I helped. Get back in the fucking chair, man. Let's go. Oh, man.

Okay, let's keep going. So it was right. We did a nice thing. And we know how to get to Loodler.

Tormek hopes she doesn't make any deals. You kidding? You see her? She's not making it there. We're in, like, the friggin' desert, man. You're in a forest. We're in the forest, right? You've been looking around a little bit? She's from the forest. She tripped and snapped her leg in the middle of the friggin' crossroads. You think she's getting a little much? With the stick that Frosty mended.

And with my splints, I feel like she'll make it there just fine. A little bit of jungle swing and some magic of the primal spirit, she's good as new, right as rain. Zormag just knows deep down nothing good can come of making these deals. We're probably horrifically cursed.

You know what's gonna happen, right? We're gonna go to Lume Lurch and she's gonna be like, "Oh look, I have this goat and it's my husband because of some stupid monkey paw thing. Can you please help?" No, Torvay doesn't want that to happen! No, it's Pavlona that had the goat. That's what I'm referencing. It'll be like an ox or something, help her tend the farmland, you know, like pull some-- Ah man, I could have just offered to make her farm equipment.

I know, like, everything about farm equipment. I think she's just lonely and misses her husband, that's all. Oh, well... I don't blame her. Look, I mean, you know, if that's all she had, you know, maybe...

Even if it is some horrible monkey paw, it'll still be worth it, right? You look to Gideon and think about what you would do if Gideon were to pass away suddenly. You don't have to call me out like that. He was in blood. Oh, gosh, I could have offered to, like, help her grow, like, different crops that were easier to tend, like tropical fruit. Yeah. Man, there's a lot of things we could have done to offer her.

Well, I'll sure see her again. Did you say mushrooms? Yes. Farmer mushrooms? That's like a very Feywild crop, sounds like. Yeah. We've only seen mushrooms just the one time, haven't we? I mean, I said mushrooms all over the place. It's a Feywild.

It's kinda like they're fading here. Okay. Well, look, look at it this way. Right? We sort of encountered a similar situation with Bavlona, didn't we? We asked her to bring Twig back, and it was kind of cursed and monkey pawed, right? But, you know, it's still kind of like having Twig back. I mean, obviously not right now, but we were still in the old downfall. Fuck!

I should have told her to say from a certain point of view after she made a deal. Ah, well, next time. Next time. I don't think it works that way, Gripper. Oh, you never know. Well, let's keep going this way. Let's continue. There's no way that there's actually a beach in, like, this forest-themed zone, but there's got to be some sort of metaphorical... No, no, there's beaches.

What? Haven't you ever seen The Last Unicorn? Just like one of those. Grubby! Those mushrooms in Grubby took-- I thought I flew off the roof of the sky! Fly your brain, Grubby! That mushroom spit in your face and you've been going cuckoo fucking bananas ever since. You know, y'all can doubt me, but I'm telling you, those little beaches... It's a little beach? Well, there's like a couple of them. It's a little beach that makes you old?

No, that's a stupid idea. Oh yeah, it's an awful idea. Let's keep walking. Yeah. You continue to walk. You walk for about 30 minutes before you hear the sound of children's laughter. And as you look, you see that the forest is thinning out around you. And a large open field, or not fully open, but significantly less dense thicket of trees. And in the very center, standing trees

incredibly tall, towering over the rest of the trees, you see a giant oak. A giant oak that you now know is known as Little Oak. And as you make your way towards it, you feel the shade that it casts around you. It is cool here. The sounds of birds chirping, animals skittering about and playing. There's an air of joyous rebellion.

And as you continue to look around this place, you see up ahead a small group of children as they flock around the leafy oak tree. Their gleeful yelps carrying through the forest. Painted swings dangle from the tree's branches. Nestled in its crown is a ramshackle treehouse. And as you get up to it, you bask in its glory for about a moment before...

A small, wrapped scallion of a boy leaps from the treehouse and slams into the ground in front of you. As he looks up at all of you, he says, "Stand down or face my merry hell!" He holds out a little wooden sword. That's where we'll end the session. Oh man, it actually is Rufio. Can you take us to William Locke? Freedom!

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