Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 48 | Up Shade's Creek
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Welcome to Legends of the Vantress. What a do. The name's Kremi Le Creux. You're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. You're pulled out from the darkness at the bottom of a chest and lifted into a child's room littered with toys and trinkets. A small elven boy with platinum blonde hair. The sword is broken in three pieces as the boy tumbles backward.

The hag looms over you, crushing the three pieces of the wooden sword and sprinkling the splinters into three separate cauldrons. One new, one old, and one in between. The cauldrons bubble and pop as the brew spills over and fills three cradles. You make your way towards where you believe Nib's cave to be. The cave is dark at first.

You can hear the sound of a spinning wheel. You see a wizened old man wearing a blindfold, sitting at a spinning wheel, surrounded by piles and piles of gold. A veritable horde of magical items. And behind him, lurking in the shadows, you see the undulating shapes of what appear to be humanoid figures as they call out to him. Let's get 100,000 gold pieces in the fucking head. Okay.

And I'll walk over and I'll take the first gold piece off the stack and I'm gonna try to put it in the crookers hat. This is the easiest job that you've ever had to do. You take piles and piles of gold coins. I'm starting to feel a little guilty. What's that like? He seems suspicious for a moment before slowly going back to spinning.

rush down the descending slope. Heave as you've been carrying all of this gold. Your body is laden. As all of you see something move behind you, you quickly look and there's nothing there. And Gideon, you turn and look one more time and you see the silhouette, the moving shadow of a cloud. You are standing beneath the boughs of the trees and thither. You...

are exhausted from the trek out of the mountain, your pockets laden with coin, over 300,000 pieces of gold, more than enough to pay back Remiguru, return home to the Material Plane to Aventress proper, and move on with your lives should you choose to.

your feet find purchase on the mossy, leaf-scattered ground, and it is soft and comfortable as you make the trek back to where you had left your new owlbear friend, Juniper, Hootsie, and the cart. And as you reach the, what is now more like a caravan, you notice movement behind you as the light

shines in front of you from the sun that is still fairly high in the sky and your shadows move, but not with you. They dance as they form their own shapes. Kremi, you notice yours first as you are acutely aware of your shadow, having an ability and an affinity for your shadow.

And this does not look like you or any shadow you've ever had before. And as the shadow begins to form, it begins to take on an image of a Bullywug. Same clothes, same silhouette of one Pierre that you knew from feels like very, very long ago. The image of his face looking up at you as he gasps for his last breath.

and you see as the shadow takes its index finger and slides it across its throat as it stares out at you menacingly, but it makes no sound, and you feel exhausted. You take one level of exhaustion. - Oh no! - Gideon, you see Kremi as he slumps over almost as if

The wind has been knocked out of him as he's staring towards the shadow and you realize that his shadow is not his own. Oh, there, buddy. Yours begins to mingle with his. But where there should be one shadow, there are four. You see the shadows of what clearly are a band of clowns, a veritable clown car's worth of clowns,

You see the form of Chuckles leading. Will you stop it? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry, official. - Jesus Christ. You see Chuckles taking the lead as he's leading the rest in a strange dance as Chuckles, Klutzy, Bumbo, and Thacko all make their way around the

the shadow of Pierre and begin to move in this strange clown-like dance. And they all look towards you as they tower over Pierre and all of them in unison pull back their arms and punch towards the air directly at you and you feel, even though they're nowhere close to you, you feel the collision with your stomach as you double over, taking one level of exhaustion. Well, fuck.

So I already had a level of exhaustion. That's the one. Same. That's the one. I'm just reminding you because most of you probably did not take your level of exhaustion if I had it. So we're not at two levels of exhaustion. You're at one level of exhaustion. For now. They do not speak. Is the Bollywood court jester there? The five. Oh. So I was thinking as well. His soul is still doing the thing. Yeah, yeah. It's still getting there. It's tadpolling.

It's in the waiting room in Clown Hill. You double over in pain. And Torbek, you watch this almost in horror as you see the way that all of these shadows are moving, the way that Kremi and Gideon...

Two people that you have known to be so strong in the face of all of this are doubled over by the mere image of these shadows as you immediately see darkness rocket across one side, directly in front of you, behind you, around you. As it spins around and around you, you start to get dizzy as you look this way and that before it finally stops for just a second and you see the image of Agdon Longscarf.

His scarf wrapped around you, almost choking you, the shadowy scarf, as he darts in another direction, completely knocking your legs. Mike, will you stop? Okay, I'm done with my drawings. Thank you. Completely knocking your legs out from under you as you land on your back, the air knocked out of your body as you take one level of exhaustion. Oh!

Gricko, you watch as Torbek falls on his back. Gideon is doubled over in pain and Kremi is reeling from some psychic pain that has overcome all of them. As you feel your shadow loom over you, much larger than a shadow should be. And as you turn to look,

you see Uncle Glorbo. - Oh shit. - Exactly as you had been afraid he would be. No one knows what truly happened to Uncle Glorbo. - He was very unclear. - But you know, deep in your heart you know. And no amount of trying to pretend is going to change what's happening now as Uncle Glorbo looms over you, his face angry.

as you feel fear well up in you and you run straight forward, slamming face first into a tree and you feel all of the air knocked out of you as you take one level of exhaustion. I'm fucking somersaulting, I'm rolling down a hill. Nephew.

Frost, you watch all of this in almost a peaceful contemplation as the intelligence that you have allows you to almost slow things down when you try to understand the situation. As you look to your side and a shadow nods at you, almost in agreement, you nod back and you look to the other side and you nod at that one and then you realize...

Oh wait, those are shadows on the other side, not people I know. Those are the shadows of two guards. Bite marks on their neck, blood dripping down the front of their uniforms as they look down at you in anger, in pain, in horror, in resentment.

And both of them at the same time directly lunge towards you. You feel their shadows collide with you and you feel all of the air knocked out of your body as you take one level of exhaustion. And then these shadows stand behind you, tethered to you. So far saying nothing. So far just following, watching. Occasionally you'll see them move or make strange motions. You see them out of the corner of your eye.

And all of them are threatening and menacing in some way. But all of them seem to be waiting. For what? It's hard to tell. But they wait and they watch. Oh my god, Pierre. Did somebody put you up to this? Was it Garou? Look, I'm sorry, man. I fucking had to, right? You gave me no choice, all right? I wait for him to respond. You get nothing. Ah! Ah! Ah!

And I'm just like, I'm just fighting every like hill and I'm just, I'm just rolling down and like the opening of Kung Pao out of the face of the little baby. And then I keep rolling down.

I didn't think I would see you again. Please know that that was not me. You do not need to take any vengeance. Everything is fine. If you have anyone to haunt, it should be whatever that curse origin was. Not myself, certainly. I don't take responsibility for it. You can go. You can go now. Please leave. Thank you. No, no. You're not leaving.

You know, I assure you that I bear no responsibility in your deaths. That's... You just stand there then. That's fine. I don't mind. That's fine. They move closer to you. Tower over you. I'll just start walking. Griggo!

"Rigo, I'm walking--" What's happened to you? Do I see the shadows also of--? Yeah, you can see everybody's shadows.

Griggo, there it is. Stop rolling around. We need to figure something out. I start jogging a little faster as I see the shadows getting closer and closer to me. Griggo, stop freaking out. Now's not the time to freak out. I just did this Ned dream fall down and I stop. Now I'm like climbing. Oh! Irene goes live. Griggo.

I'm just running after Gricko. And Phil existential threat. Yeah. Why is Gideon looking at Torbett? Torbett didn't do anything! Torbett doesn't deserve this! I wasn't looking at you, man. I was looking at all these stupid fucking clowns surrounding me again. You kill them once. Well, that one once. That one once. That one three times. That one once. That one was from a fucking fetish.

allergy man i mean i hit him with a sock puppet this is i hate clowns i hate the feywild i mean i think um maybe it's not real like like that's not really pierre maybe they're just looking into our minds and pulling stuff out of it maybe just figments of our own imagination fellas what do you think they're very persistent parts of our imagination i say as i like run past you and continue around i don't get a good feeling about it though i feel like

Pierre's looking at me, just waiting. Waiting for the right moment. I don't know what that moment is, but I feel awfully tired with him being tethered to me like this. I feel the same. Yeah, me too. I'm also very, uh...

Aware that they haven't touched me yet, and I don't want that to happen either. I will have fallen down and somehow I'll be back around. And as I'm falling back and rolling down, "We have to go back to the cave! "We have to give all the gold back! "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" You're in a half pipe of hills. Yep, yep. You just rolled just enough to go off one and then back. What do you mean, Gringo?

We have to give the gold back, we've been gold cursed! Ah, we should have known! Ah, we should have known the exact same thing that happened to Niv would happen to us! We've been gold cursed. That actually makes some sense, that's amazing.

Is that Uncle Globo, Rico? Frost, as you were saying this, both of the guards lunge towards you and you feel shadowy, you feel their shadowy teeth pierce into your neck. You take two points of damage, piercing damage. 10? Two. Oh my gosh.

No, no! Oh, they can hurt you! They can hurt you if they touch you! They can hurt you very much if they touch you! This is not pleasant, I start to speed up. Torbek is not attempting to down one agit at all, because he knows that he can't. So Torbek is like, completely like, balled up on the ground, like covering his hand, his head with his hands, and just like, "No, no, no, no, no! We have to fix this!" Pierre, we cool?

I think you would have done the same thing in my situation, right? Like if the roles were reversed, you would have snuck up behind me and cut my throat, right? Right? Are we cool? I want to see if he is getting closer to me at all. Or is he just standing there? He occasionally moves towards you. None of them are standing still. They're all acting the way that they would have in life.

The clowns are all performing their own little clown act together. Occasionally, one will step forward and do something menacing or threatening towards Gideon. But so far, none of them have, outside of the ones that have attacked Frost so far, none of them have made any move to harm you in any way. But none of them are motionless.

Quit making obscene gestures at me! Chuckles, fuck you, man! Oh, god. Somehow it's better when he can talk, you know? Both of his hands are removed from his fist and spin around him, flipping you off. Once they bite Frost, I'm going to endeavor to...

Fight back. I would turn to the closest of the guards that's now chasing me at a good pace, at perhaps a jog, and I will try to cast Mind Slipper. I'll reach out and I will attempt to crunch something the way that I crushed a small beast, a woodland beast, not a few hours ago. How does that work? Oh, they need to make, it needs to make an intelligence saving throw. Roll an intelligence saving throw for me, please. Okay.

Just one moment. I don't know why you would make me do that. At disadvantage. Oh, yeah, no, no, that makes sense. Oh, I know what's happening. I get a six. Okay.

So how does my silver work? Oh, well, if someone fails a saving throw, then they take 1d6 psychic damage and they subtract 1d4 from their next saving throw. You take a d6 and you're going to take a minus 4 from your next saving throw. Okay, okay. We'll take damage, right? The d6 is just damage. Yeah, he took 6 damage and then his saving throw will be negative 4. Ow!

That hurts. What'd you do, man? I tried to reach into one of the guards' minds to crush it, and it was some sort of reflection or mirror attack. Oh, good, good. Is this what this feels like? It's awful. All skinned to a stop.

It's like when you eat a sea cucumber, rubber, rectangle, trout, or popsicle too quickly. Yeah, that's exactly what this feels like. I'm just gonna look at it, I can't hurt me. Grumman, you're the shadow guy, man. You know how to kill 'em or hurt 'em or like, what the hell do we do about these ghosts? Well, no, I mean, that's the thing. How do you kill a shadow? That's why it's so fucking powerful.

Just send him away! Say goodbye! Say goodbye, Uncle Globo. I'm sorry you couldn't pay your debts. No, I mean, it's not real. It's not like you've been attacking. You start to speak and you immediately feel your lungs fill with water and you feel yourself choking. It's not water, but blood that's caught in your throat as you feel yourself choking as you begin to suffocate.

Krimmy, Krimmy man, spit it out. What's happening to you? Spit it out. Hey man, hey! Hey! - I'm licking! - Come on! - I'm licking, I'm licking, I'm licking! - Put him in the lungs! - Get it out! - Put him in the lungs! - Get it out! - Put him in the lungs! - Krimmy, look, turn quick!

You take one point of damage as the choking sensation fades away. You look back towards Pierre and once again he raises his small bully-wug arm and he runs his index finger along his throat. Oh, no, no! That's what that feels like. We win!

I have to fix this! I thought he was gonna go in and do his filthy sack and pull out the bloody scarf. You attempt to, and as you do, Agdon Longscarf runs up behind you, jumps into the air, and slams right into the back of your knees. You fall over the prone, taking...

Two points of damage. Oh, Agdon! Torbjorn was just getting your scar! Torbjorn is sorry! Please, Agdon, go away! I'm going to, as I'm just scraping, scrambling at my feet, I'm going to say, Nib! Nib! Help us! Help us, Nib! We're so out of your go! We're so out of your go! We've learned our lesson! I've learned our lesson!

I've learned from this parable! Quiet, quiet, quiet. We don't know if it's the gold. Hold on. Yeah, what Frosty said, man. We don't know if it's the gold. We need more evidence. I think I have the solution. If it hurts us to attack them, I cast Mind Sliver on myself. I make an intelligence saving throw. At disadvantage. At disadvantage. Yeah. I fail.

Oh my god. I take six points of-- Yes, you do. Oh, and I'm sure subtracted 1d4 from my-- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh wow. So I take six points more of psychic damage.

I think. And you take a d4. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I subtracted the d4 from my chain. Yeah, but you need to roll another d4 because your next one will also be negative. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do that for sure. Do I damage the shadow or do I hurt myself? You hurt yourself. Oh! Oh, no, it was not the solution at all. Oh!

The point is, is that this isn't real, right? Like I said, these are just figments of our imagination somehow. It feels very real to me, Grimmy. He kicks Torbjorn in the knee! Do I see blood running through me? Gideon, I need you to roll a wisdom saving throw for me, please. A disadvantage. Oh!

That'd be a three. What a natural one. You lean in to listen to the conversation as Chuckles pushes you backwards and all of the clowns-- Hey! Don't fucking touch me, man! And all of the clowns begin to perform a strange circus routine for you. There's nothing funny about this. And yet you can't stop laughing.

as you feel the effects of Tasha's hideous laughter come over you. This is the worst show I've ever been to. You fall prone, laughing louder and louder and louder, and with every laugh, Chuckles gets bigger and bigger and bigger as he feeds off of your laughter. That's funny, I'm in the fucking clowns!

Oh god. Oh god. Look, if it's not you-- Oh jeez. I'm so lucky! I wanna Eldritch Blast. I'll do Klutzy and Chuckles in the face as the two beams of Eldritch Blast will shoot out to them. You are doing what? I'm Eldritch Blasting, Chuckles, and Klutzy. Okay, go ahead.

They're both 20-something. What's your-- no, that would hit, yeah? Yeah, that would hit. Yeah, it hits. 23 points of damage. You take 23 points of damage. Oh my gosh! Gideon. You do? No, you do. You get to roll two wisdom saving throws, and you are advantage on both of them because you just took damage. See?

I'm thinking ahead. Big money. First is a 22. You are able to shake off the effects of Tasha's-- Did you roll at disadvantage for those because he was prone? I did not. The first one would have hit. Yeah. So you still would have shaken it off, but--

It might not be 23 damage. Only a seven, you're AC 17? 17. Yeah, so I would hit that. Yeah, okay, you take 23 damage. But you are no longer laughing uncontrollably. The second wisdom saving throw, I believe, would have been 14. The first one you got a 20. Yeah. Yeah, so you shake it off. Oh, I got you out there. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, you all right? I'm so sorry. Ah! Ah!

Are you laughing? That was terrible, man. What the fuck? I know, I'm sorry. Look, look. Who came over me, man? I didn't even like that a little bit. I know, I know. Look, look. But, I mean, it got you a stop, right? Oh, you dumb bastard. I know the problem here is Frosty's doesn't hit hard enough. Here we go! Boom, boom!

Boom! I ignite my fists in flame and fire, and I lunge at all of the clowns. Targeting for Chuckles, and I try to hit him. Okay, roll to attack. Chuckles will have the shadow popcorn bucket, and he squeezes it like a Popeye spinach can, and his arms get huge, and he will go after. 17. Yeah, that hits.

That hits Chuckles? Mm-hmm. Oh. Is he C-17? Yep. Definitely pour everything you've got into this piece. Definitely a 17. I action surge. Yeah, do it. Ah, one. Ah, one, yeah. Nine points of damage. And that's with your action surge? No, I don't know.

Okay, you take nine points of damage on top of the 23 you just took. Now, that's fair. However, my fists cast light in a, I don't know, a 10-foot radius or something. Is that relevant at all? Or does that seem to diminish the shadowy effect of these shadows? No. Wow, okay. Okay.

The light shines through them. It's very pretty. It casts a purple light on the other side, but you still see the outline. It's as if the inside of them becomes completely illuminated, but you still see the outline, a dark purple outline of these shadows as they all-- Gideon, the light from your gauntlet isn't affecting the shadows at all.

Niv! I'll trip, I'll fall out of the cave. You're making your way towards the cave? I've been running towards the cave and yelling, "I'll take the gold! "Blood from the parable! "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" We don't know that. "I'm sorry that you had a gambling habit! "I'm sorry you couldn't pay back your debts in the bank!" What if he cursed us, man? What if all we gotta do is kill Niv?

You make your way to the cave. There is no entrance. It's just solid cliff face.

You look for the torch that had been sconced outside, but there is no sconce there. You find the tree, the nail still embedded in it that had the sign for Wanted, Will of the Feywild. You see that it had been recently removed. This is clearly where you had been. You even find your footprints walking from the face of this, the sheer cliff face of this mountain.

But there's no entrance. Smash cut to the Lost bumper. Everyone knows the show Lost, right? It's very funny to Lost fans. Lost fans will love that joke. Ah, Niv! Open up! Open up! Oh, gosh! Oh, no! Did you transfer your curse on to us? Oh, no! Do we get monkey porn? Oh! I hate monkey porn! Oh! Please, please, Niv! We're sorry! We're sorry!

Do I see him hitting an entrance or hitting a portal? You see him slamming his fist up against the mossy side of a stone mountainside. Look, fellas, can we all just calm the fuck down, all right? No! I'll turn into a miniature bullet or land shark, and I'm just gonna start digging. I'm gonna try to just burrow through the cliff face.

Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, you begin to burrow and there's no tunnel here. You make a new one and you burrow for however long you choose to. I'm not gonna keep going until someone yanks me out of this. Look, three things, right? One, we've been cursed. Two, these aren't real ghosts, all right?

somehow getting pulled out of our heads. It's us. It's an extension of us. Gid can confirm. Whoever else, you can confirm, right? Yes, yes. Every time I've attempted to hurt the shadow, it's hurting me instead.

"And three, did Gricko kill Uncle Glombo? "Is that the implication of this?" Can we fucking talk about that? You see his jaw? Only Gricko has ever done that to a guy, man. "Was it like a logging accident? "This way is what you do it?" Oh man, he pierced him, I think. "Oh gosh." No offense, Pierre. I never thought I saw that coming. He always spoke so fondly of Uncle Glombo.

You read into the subtext on those hunting stories. I've never been one for subtext. I have a quick idea. I have a quick idea. I will open my pack, and I will go through my pockets, and I will collect all of the gold that I took. Some 70,000 gold pieces. And I will put them into a sack, and I will put them on the ground, and then I will back away slowly. Let's see if the shadows...

Care about the gold or care about me now that I've given up the gold? I've given it up. I don't know how I'm not possessing of the gold anymore. The shadows take, they look at you with your hands on your hips and they mimic your posture as they stand on either side of you. They look at you, they look at the gold, they look back at you, they look back at the gold.

And then they both lunge forward and take a quick bite out of your neck, getting four points in damage. That hurts! Well, I guess we get to keep the gold. That's the good news. Oh god, frogs with teeth is really disgusting. They're not frogs. Oh, I guess they would be. I was picturing the 15-foot guards!

I'm going to take a sigh out of cry. Of course they are. Enjoy frozen peas. So they just gum me really hard, is what you're saying? No, no, they have vampire fangs. They have fangs now? Yeah, they have vampire fangs. They fang now. They have fangs now. They fang now? They fang now?

Well, that hurts and I'm bleeding from my neck now. You're bleeding from your neck now? Bleeding from my neck now. Graco, Graco, stop, you can stop, Graco, please. I turn around, having burrowed deep. This is the only way back out towards Uncle Glorbo's shadow. Oh no, Uncle Glorbo's in this hole with you. I'll turn. He's around you. I'll be there and I'll stop. I'll turn.

I'll immediately just be scared out of my wild shape and I'll scramble. You do. And as you do, you are horrified and a bit of the tunnel collapses and you take three points of bludgeoning damage.

I was just brewing up and I just start rolling like a fucking golf ball out of a window. I'm just rolling out. I will take that damage. Okay, okay.

Oh, Frost, you're still haunted, and that's all the gold you took? It's not just the gold I took. I put every single penny in that bag and walked away from it. I don't know what a penny is, but here we are. All right, let's just get all the gold we stole and put it in one big pile. Maybe we need to put all of it away from us. Oh.

Oh! I shake it out with my coat. Oh, Torbjorn. It just isn't fair! Torbjorn didn't do anything! He's trying to pour all the gold out and trying not to look at Agden. Agden's neck, his head is only held by a sinew. He's missing an eye. He's like a Riddance.

It's definitely stitched together over 200 places. As you move forward, Agdon once again jumps up and kicks you right in the back of your knees. You fall face first into frost gold, face plant into it, and you watch as the gold spreads all over. Oh my knee! It's like tripping and falling onto Legos. You have gold and gold in your knees. No! Torbjorn doesn't deserve this!

He can say that, but he stole just as much gold as we did. Yeah, and he killed the guy. I mean, he killed the guy worse than anybody else. What the hell is he talking about? They all were put together. Look at that. Yeah, man. He just doesn't remember. Oh, well. You sure we gotta give up all this gold? I think it's not real gold. I think it's like magical curse tempt you gold. And we got tricked. We got tempted, and we fucking fell for it. I feel like we have to find a way to return it.

Hey, Grooko! You find me? No, the cave is gone. I parodied Uncle Glorbo. He was in the cave. It was like Empire Strikes Back. You look behind you. There's no Uncle Glorbo. You look to your side. There's no Uncle Glorbo. You look to the other side. There's no Uncle Glorbo. You spin in circles and he is nowhere to be seen.

And then as you look down at the ground, you realize there is a huge shadow cast over you as you look up and Uncle Gorbo is above you, towering over you. A glob of, like, swamp water. Rattling in chains. Ectoplasm. No!

He begins to sing, "Glorbo and Graco, ooh!" Yes! "Glorbo and Graco, ooh!" Graco, please, please just fucking stop, just for one fucking second, all right? I'll stop it on me like mid-fall. It's not real. It's not actually a ghost. It's not actually Uncle Glorbo.

It's all in your hand. It's all in all of our hands, all right? You have some gold, we all have some gold, and we have the gold here. We're gonna put it on a pile, we're gonna walk away from it and see what happens, all right? It's our only chance. Don't be afraid of the shadow.

But these injuries are very real. I put my hand away and he's like... Eat a banana. As soon as Gregor will make me one. And I empty all of my bags and pouches and all of the gold that I have, I'm going to try to put along with Frostmourne. This is the worst feeling in the world. Getting rid of gold.

So you're doing all the gold you took as well as all of your additional gold or just the gold you took. Do we have any? Tormek, those are one and the same. Everything, every single gold, silver, copper, electron piece. Gricko, I'm just completely just throwing. I'm emptying out. Tormek has nothing. I will...

I will keep what I think is real gold and not fake, like, cursed gold. Okay. Roll an intelligence check to see how well you do at determining which pieces were yours and which pieces were... Twisted. Twisted? We're horribly cursed by ghosts. We're horribly cursed by ghosts. 17. Oh! You feel like... You look at them and you realize that there are...

The gold pieces are clearly from the Feywild.

Where they were minted, you have no way of knowing, but these are not your standard of Ventress currency. And so you are able to pick through them and find the pieces that you know belong to you. Though you imagine you had some Fae coin on your person having been here for a while. Those pieces inevitably get put into the pile, but you feel like you do a pretty good job at separating the two.

It's easy to tell the difference. Look, there's chocolate inside these. I need to roll a constitution saving throw. Okay. And here's the four that I'm subtracting from my next saving throw. And it's going to be a... Dread. A 15. You suffer from incontinence for the next 24 hours. Solidarity! Solidarity!

- Pause, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. These things happen to the best of us. - That happened, yeah. - That happened, yeah. - The reason the Torvac is generally moist. - It's very easy to tell that that wasn't one of the fake coins, it was one of the party favors you got from the Witchlight Carnival and time has passed.

Well, all the recipes are gold. What if I just eat?

Why didn't you have random jug with any gold? How did you get that? I left it in my pockets! I don't know, it looked like gold! Oh, I don't know how to go. Well, this is outrageous. Extremely concerning. I don't feel great. Are you okay, Brody? That was very little chalky. What'd it taste like? Was it even chocolate? I'm pretty sure it was chocolate.

Well, it can't be that bad. It was like a mocklet. It was like a faux chocolate. Was it like advent calendar chocolate? That's exactly right. Uh-oh. Frost, that's ridiculous. There's no way...

Anybody could mix up something that isn't chocolate. Does anybody want any licorice? This is too bad, Rubber Toast. Why are you getting me rubber roses? This is nice. Dormax licorice. That's not licorice. I'm going to buy you licorice. Uh-oh. Oh, my God.

*laughs*

Bravo. Uh-oh. Oh, fucking hell! No, no, no, nothing. I will need to walk away for a moment. I need to go over here. Anybody smell that? Nothing. Nothing. I'm like using Prestidigit. What smells like bad air?

What happened? I go behind the fucking tree. Here, hold these for me for a second. The shadows hold them.

Frost, what are you thinking? What are you doing with your life? This has happened once or twice. Allow Doorbeak to share a piece of wisdom. Someone once told Doorbeak that people don't forget. I'm just behind the tree at this point. I'm gone. People don't forget, Frost. I'm going to go over here.

Is it very obvious that Frost should have-- Yeah, I'd say it's pretty obvious. Make sure that the curse is being removed, everything's fine here. We're all fine, how are you?

All right, nobody else eat random chocolate you find on the ground, all right? Why are you looking at Doorbag? I want to pick up one of the fake gold pieces and do I get a sense that it's magical in any way? Roll an arcana check. I'm gonna twist this. Oh, god, these red dice are real fucking hot. That's a 16, I believe. You...

You pick up the gold piece and at first you notice nothing. Then you notice a gentle warmth to it. And you can feel a slight vibration, a magical thrum. You drop the coin and pick up another and wait and eventually you feel that too and you try another and another and another. You eventually get through 25 different gold pieces. - Fuck! - And they all feel the same way. - God, how did I not notice this before? - What's the matter, man? - It's classic cursed gold.

Classic! Yeah, yeah, no, these are very obviously cursed magical coins. What do you mean, cursed? Frosdor, I'm up to you. He's completely clean. He's prestidigitation himself. You love it? But he is very pale. He's sweating. He's sweating. His eyes are bloodshot. And his nose is running. Frosdor!

You look a little damned. And Chuck Lindblom went right through me. He looks like he just left a review on Amazon about some gummy bears, sugar-free gummy bears. I feel like I ate an entire bag of Wow Potato Chips. This is not possible.

Don't let this get you down. It gets easier every time you make that mistake. I've never felt lower than this time. You can only go up. Never trust a fart, Frosty. I didn't have to trust anything. You know who taught me that? No, no, no, no, no, no.

I already gave up my gold! I gave up my stinky, stinky gold! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Yes, we gave up the gold. And as you panic and run forward, you trip on a root and slam your face into the ground, taking four points of damage. Ah, bah, bah, bah, bah! I wanna make sure that I don't have any more gold on me, and that it's all in the pile. Any more fey gold. Fey gold, correct. Yeah.

You were able to do that previously. All right, fellas, let's get rid of this. It's all in for the bear. Yeah, I've given all of mine up. I've given all of mine up. It's the only gold I had on me. I've given every thing I had. Oh man, you think the curse is going to make us all shit ourselves? Oh god, I hope not. No, it was the chocolate. Just don't eat any chocolate. ♪ Lost East Shore licorice house ♪ It's not licorice.

Stop waving it at my face. Oh my god.

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And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you! I don't think it's working, Grimmy. Well, hold on, hold on. Did you do some kind of fey ritual or something? I mean... Oh, magical gold! You have been returned to a pile in the middle of the Feywild. Please, shadows go away. Are we for anything to happen? You wait one minute, two minutes, five minutes pass.

The shadows are continuing to act as they've acted this entire time. Fuck! Perhaps it's about concepts of ownership. We have to declare that these are nibs coins or something.

I ain't looking too good, man. You need like an hour. It's fine. This is the combination of blood loss and other matter. Do you want to just contribute to the conversation from that bush over there? Oh, no. I'm putting down.

"Will you help getting up, Frosty? I'll walk over." "I just want to sit here and vlog. I think that's going to help." "Okay, well, I'm sure you'll feel better." "I'm going to have to clean, I guess."

Are you sure? It's not a concept of ownership for ants. If we leave them and put a sign, "These are-- these coins--" reciprocity and whatnot. I-- the rules. I'm not thinking straight. Yeah, but we can't just like-- if Nib's not around and he's fucking gone, how are we gonna give it back to him? Just say, "Oh, these are Nib's coins now?" These are Nib's coins now! We bequeath

We bequeath unto Nib! We bequeath unto Nib! I declare bankruptcy!

I declare bankruptcy. I have no gold pieces left. Yeah, that's the spirit. All of my creditors may not hunt me down, kill me, and throw my body in the swamp. We all return to Torbjorn. You heard him, boys. See? You can leave us alone now. Unlike Uncle Globo, I wish to escape my creditors.

Is he still there? Mm-hmm. Ah! I'm sorry, I'm gonna go back. Well, maybe it's not got anything to do with the gold, man. He said it was all in our heads. Why don't we try knocking somebody out? Oh, that's a decent point. Torbjorn means, look, the cave entrance is gone. Something isn't right. Well, I think he means, like, you know, making one of us unconscious. Yeah.

Yeah, Torbeggers are great. Are you volunteering? Well,

"Well, Torvang didn't say that! "Torvang is just saying that Torvang thinks "that Gideon might be right!" Okay, I'll take one for the team. Come on, Gideon. All right, man. Hold on, I'll mix in bananas first before you do this. Okay. Oh, oh. My name is Graketa Banana, and I'm here to say

I hope frosty smell does go away. The smell of bananas hits your nose. It's a lot stronger than you'd expect. Your stomach turns.

You feel the nausea welling up inside of you. Nobody look, I can make it to the tree line. No I can't! *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan* *Groan

I mean, that's what I'm used to making. Maybe some cheese will bind him up. Torbjörn does. Horrific diarrhea, lots of cheese, too much cheese, lots of dried fruit. It would help. Repeat the process. It would help. Make a bunch of mallow cups. Those will plug you right up.

I'm sure bananas will do your tummy very nice. Okay, get in!

Come on! Alright man, where do you want it? Just let me practice. Alright, on the count of three. Okay, here we go. One, two, three! Okay. Just go to sleep, man! It'll get easier! Probably at the point where you're going until he falls unconscious.

You don't have to roll for it. No, you do. No, no, no. I'm saying you just knock him unconscious. Gricko, you lose all of your health. I take 100 points of damage. You lose all of your health and you fall unconscious.

As the shadows close in, so does one particular shadow. Hey, get out of here, Glorbo. He's unconscious now, right? You're all in his head. You all watch as Uncle Glorbo's shadow continues to loom over Gricko. And Gricko, as you're floating through this unconscious state, all you see around you is darkness.

You hear the clinking of gold and occasionally a glint of light and as you look it almost seems as if a beam of light glints off of piles of gold all around you but as you move through this you're never able to get to them. All the while though you can't see it you can feel the presence of that shadow. Ever watching, ever moving, ever waiting. Even in death, Glorbo has come.

I'm in hell! I'm in hell. Quick, give me a banana, he's saying he's in hell. My prison is regret. Oh hey baby, he's mine. It's a living nightmare.

This is a hell of a mile, Mickey. I like them better this way. Pretty much. I'll take one of the bananas. Well, at least let him make one death saving throw. Yeah, make one death saving throw. Oh, 19. All right, go ahead. Come on, man. Come on, back to us. Is the doorman of hell. Chew it up. Chew it up.

Torbjörn takes it back! Torbjörn doesn't think that works! Well what the hell are we gonna do about these things then? You can't knock a guy unconscious. You can't give away all the curse gold. Okay, I have an idea. Uncle Globo can buy my popsicle. Anyway...

Ross, what's your idea? All right. I'm just going to try it. Oh, stinky. Oh!

I'm trying my best! Guards, nameless guards. I don't know what your name was in the-- perhaps in your shadow state you can't tell me. But perhaps I can help you. Is there something in life that I prevented you doing that I now must quest to achieve on your behalf? Perhaps visit a lover so that you can possess my body and communicate some form of

redemption or allow you to pass on in peace and solitude. Your stomach turns. You're inviting a ghost to take over your body so you can have sex with their lover? You're shitting yourself every five seconds, man!

Who let this guy come up with a plan? No, I'm offering redemption. Perhaps that's the pattern here, is that we prevented all of these people from what they would have enjoyed in life. It's the saga of the stinky booger.

Unless that's what you want me to do, is it banging? I'll bang. Not real, bro. I can clean up. There's no way that we prevented people from doing stuff. Vagdun wasn't even a good person. Surely he had dreams. Perhaps this is one of those stories where, you know, in the Feywild they talk about

- The wagon was hurting people! - Look, look, maybe it is about ownership, right? And we need to give the gold away to do good, just like Nib has to do, turn it into a bunch of bullshit. All right, so maybe we should sign it over to somebody. And then we're free! - And we sign it over to the Shadows?

I'm sorry! I'm well past rational thought. No, you got some fucking stupid eyes here. We're gonna sign it over to the owlbear. Go easy on him, he's dehydrated! That's a good point. I'm gonna snap my fingers and there'll be a shadowy puff and a contract will appear midair and open and it'll be signing over all of the gold to one juniper owlbear. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Why if that just gives the owlbearer curses? We can't do that. It'll be free of our curses. Oh, look at her. She didn't hurt anybody. She's currently snuggling with Cootsie. Jesus. Bunch of perverts in this thin feather. Juniper. Jesus. You got an audience. Holy hell. I did it.

Oh, God, I've got to write that one down. Uncle Globo's DVD, Snuggly with Coots. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

- Oh, now it gets to the stairs! - Oh god. - Now they're in a confrontation. It's all coming together now. - Yes, please! - Holy shit. - You are all, you have just finished putting your gold into a pile in the middle of the forest. You are signing a contract to give all of the gold, this fey gold, over to Juniper.

in the hopes that it will appease whatever curse has befallen on you. All right, Juniper, just need your paw, if you don't mind, please. Let me just-- oh, here's an inkwell. Let me just dab. We can't do this! Mr. Crimmie! Oh, that's a beautiful signature, Juniper. Look at that. Wow.

Oh, it's stunning. All right, what do you think? This is gonna cause a double curse for all of our horrific misdeeds! I'm not convinced this will work either. I thought I was onto something, but the guards haven't responded to my offer to bang their wives.

They both lunge in and make the tear neck, doing one point of damage. No, they will curse Juniper, and she is a bullprecious, defenseless owlbear. No, we got cursed because we stole it all. We're giving it away to her for free. Yeah, oh! She's not stealing the gold. We're giving it away. We're the heroes, you know? This does not sit right with Torbac.

All right, enjoy your gold, Juniper. What do you think? Shadows, you can go away now. Juniper motions, or moves towards the gold and begins sniffing around it. She finds another one of those chocolate gold pieces and eats it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Juniper, no! Imagine the smell around here. And eats it whole with the wrapper on.

She's a large owlbear and something like this is not going to affect her stomach in any way whatsoever. She seems to enjoy it. She's doomed. As she sniffs around the gold and not quite understanding what it is that you're asking of her to do with this. Are the shadows still there? They are. Oh, well that didn't work. You just signed away all our gold for nothing, Remy. Well, I'm not sure that an owlbear can, in terms of contracts, you know, intellectually agree.

sign it, so it's probably void. We need to find someone with more vengeance. Well, no. Niv is turning the gold into something that can help people, right? Magical items. It's turning it into magical items or whatever, but we don't have the ability to do that. Oh, maybe we can spin it. I'll take one of the cursed gold pieces and I'll put it down and I'll spin it. It spins for a short amount of time before it falls over onto its side. Oh! Look, look, look. I don't know

what we're gonna do about this. But I think we can't do anything about it right here, right now. So, let's put all the gold into the wagon, the chariot. We either need to find Nib, find some people to help with the gold, otherwise these shadows aren't going anywhere. Torbek's knees are never gonna be the same again. Torbek can already feel the weather changing. Juniper, you need to

Can you smell the gold and perhaps track the scent? You're an owl there. You're very clever. Can you source out where Nib may have gone? Roll an animal handling check. That's a great one. A disadvantage. I actually did something smart, so thank you, Dice24. A disadvantage? Oh, a disadvantage. There's a lot of scents around. And it's animal handling, right? It's going to throw her off. Please. Eleven. Ugh.

Juniper sniffs around the gold. She seems to at least understand roughly what you're asking. She sniffs around the gold and she perks up as if she has caught a scent and she begins to move forward as she sniffs the ground. She tightens up her limbs and begins to strut over to Crummy and then over to Gideon and over to Torbeck.

and to Gricco, and to you, smelling all of you on the gold as it's been in your packs and on your person and mingling with your scent. It smells like us. I should have realized. Oh gods. All right, well look, we're going to have to fucking deal with this. Why don't I just keep eating bananas so you don't pass out and let's just start looking for Niv. Somebody, anybody. Well, you think we should keep carving into the mountain?

No, I think he magically teleports around maybe, I don't know, that seems fair enough. Oh, he came all this way. Oh! Wait, Juniper just came here. Didn't Juniper-- Juniper brought us here. Yes. And she was supposed to be here. Oh, let's all get in the chariot. Okay. Okay. All right. There's no nuts in here, Frost!

What the fuck is wrong with you? Can you clean that up? I can try. I've already cleaned it up quite a bit. Can I try the hair? Oh god. Oh, it smells like-- it's making it worse. It smells like eggs. This is like the Wizarding World 500 years ago. Oh no! That just smells like Febreze and shit. Oh no! Oh god. I'm doing my best.

Okay, we're all in, good seat. Take the reins once again. Juniper. Help her out. Proceed. Take us to Niv! And Juniper does, as she's told, and she begins to proceed. Frost, I need you to make a constitution saving throw disadvantage for me, please.

A disadvantage, you say? Oh yeah. So this advantage, right? Yes. That's not cocky. Whoa, look out for that turn, Hootsie! This is a really rough ride for you. There's no bank. Jesus. Oh! Oh my god. That's enough out of you.

It's filmed like fucking Kill Bill Part II when she's in the car, but it's all of us looking on in horror and frost. Careful around the bends.

He didn't trust the controller. He's going to take the lily pad and just shadow us 200 feet behind on the other side or something? Probably. I still have the lily pad. I can probably just-- Can I enroll the-- Like a fucking, what is it? Yeah, you can. It was wrapped in a heart in the-- Oh, you're right. So has it been re-humidated? It looks like it is repairing itself, but it's not fully repaired.

I'm worried I can't use this. I'm gonna have to sit in the chariot with you guys. I'll endeavor to keep things fine. Things are fine. And you continue on your way. It seems like Juniper has an idea of where she wants to go. Whether it's where you want to go is unclear, but she seems to be moving with purpose as you make your way through the trees.

following along what is clearly a pathway, a rough but used road of sorts. As you make your way through past beautiful purple trees, into beautiful pink trees and blue and into green, you pass a crooked rock and a stream, a gentle waterfall. You ride like this for about 30 minutes before

You pass some purple trees, some pink trees, some blue trees, some green, a crooked rock, a stream, a gentle waterfall. You continue for about 30 more minutes until you find yourselves passing through some purple trees, some pink trees, some blue trees, some green trees. Oh, crummy. Is that crooked rock familiar to you?

Why would that look familiar, Frost? Well, and also these purple trees. Didn't we just pass those? Oh, I don't know. I've been paying attention. I haven't even been looking at them. I've just been sort of staring at my feet, trying not to focus on the smell.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Are we going in circles? Oh, those trees are green. What are you guys saying? You guys saying Hoosie's bad at driving this thing? And it's taking us in circles? Hoosie, you're doing great. Is Uncle Gideon helping you how to drive? Oh, you're going to be able to drive all your friends down to the local mall. Oh, it will be so sweet. I think that we're trapped in a loop. I don't think we can escape from this mountain.

Oh no. I look behind me. Are the guards sitting with us on the chariot, or are they like... They're all floating behind the chariot. They're all parasailing! The clouds are! It's actually just balloons. It's like coming fucking up. The smell is killing them. I don't...

You pass a stream. A small waterfall. Well, that's brand new. Well, no, stop turning then. Just go straight. Hey, man! She's doing great, all right? And you're positive you should be. You haven't made any turns. You haven't come to a crossroads. There's been no fork in the road. It's just been straight. We're moving as straight as that shit coming out of Frosty's pants, all right? Okay.

We're traveling one single direction, all right? I'm never gonna live this down. As you pass purple trees, pink trees, blue trees, green trees, a crooked rock, a gentle stream, a small waterfall. Are we... Like, if we look behind us, we're, like, in a forest, right? We're not, like, looking at the mountain behind us, are we? No, you've...

You're well past where the entrance to Nib's cave had been. You passed that a while ago. When you reached the purple trees. You haven't passed anything like that again. It's just purple trees, into pink, into blue, into green, into a crooked rock, a gentle stream, and a small waterfall.

Maybe we're just in some kind of like straight, maybe we should jump out. I mean, if you're going to stop, let's stop by the stream. We're trapped in a Hammond Barbera cartoon. Well, we're at the purple tree, so hang on, hang on. Another 20 minutes. And you continue for another 20 minutes until you make your way past the crooked rock and the gentle stream

Or to the jump train. Stop, we're at the stream. Ah, super love's dropping us, right? We're right back. I'm going to loop back here. I go to the stream and I...

endeavor to free myself of all sense so that i'm fragrant yeah you make your way to the stream and as you step into it a um a gym of carl fish appear no i'm just kidding that's very funny oh yeah my gains my way protein also makes me in my pants

I can't take credit for the Gym of Coral Fish. When I was playing Baldur's Gate 3 with some of the Adventress fam in Discord, I don't remember who it was that called them a Gym of Coral Fish, which is hilarious. Genius. Well, I don't have a solution. I'm cleaning my underwear, and there are two voiceless guards who occasionally bite me. And I can't seem to convince them that I can help them.

I can free them and then allow them to pass on to the next life, but... How come the fact that we're in the woods with all these trees and bushes and leaves and the only clean water we've seen since, uh, you know, neck bats, and, uh, you decided to just shit in it? What's that all about, man? What would you have me do, Gideon? Wipe your ass with the leaves!

Use your magic to clean it up, man! Don't just shit in all the water! I already have been using the magic. This isn't coming out! Gideon? Do you want to try it? No, no! I got no magic cleaning abilities! I don't even have normal cleaning abilities, alright? You see me? I'm covered in dirt. This oil's from seven years ago, alright? Alright.

This mustard stain? That wasn't yesterday! I think I have some perfume- fume in my pack. Hold on. I'll continue to clean. Now what are we gonna do? This curse is worse than I thought. And I don't know how we're gonna get out of this. Are we gonna die here? We just might. Probably, yeah. We might just be here 'til we die. 'Til these shadows kill us. Dormer doesn't wanna die. I am going...

to consult with the primal spirits. I'm going to sit by this smelly stream and attempt to think of an idea of how we might be able to break this curse. Okay. How long is that going to take? Torbjörk? Yeah? I don't know. I'm going to walk over to a rock by the stream, and I'm just going to sit and cross my legs and just close my eyes.

We've gotten into a very spooky situation, Primal Spirits. Any ideas? Warden, none of our odds are working. Please help me, oh great Primal Monstrosity Spirits. Is this gonna work, Mr. Grimmy? Don't you actually have, like, Augury or something on your spell list? I don't do Augury. I think they gave it to Druids, because you only used it somehow. You're always telling Dandy to use Augury. Uh...

To your point, Torbeck, I don't fucking think so. He's never done it before. At least he's never worked before. Torbeck doesn't like to be negative, but Torbeck is worried that we're wasting our time. I think all of us might be a waste of time, Torbeck. I don't have it prepared. If so... I'm going to just basically try to... Do I get any sense of how to break this curse or figure out what to do?

Do I get anything? And what are you doing to try and-- I'm just trying. I'm just trying to think, does Gricko have any idea to figure out, is there any clue that I could piece together? Roll an arcana check. Oh! This doesn't work. Torbek has an idea! Okay, Torbek might not have an idea. The arcana check would have been a disadvantage. Oh, because I'm exhausted. Yeah, you can't fix that. One more twist, one more twist, one more twist.

How many ones is that? No, that's a seven. You have a one, a five, and a seven. Okay, hold on. One more chance, one more chance, one more chance. I can stop whenever I want. And a one. So the best you can do is a five, right? If we take the two highest. One, five, seven, one? Yep.

5309. We'll see how this goes. Dormagmion. I commune with the trained spirits. To the great engines of the year after. I declare uncursing. And I'm just actually sitting there. Hey!

Please! I commune with you! Help! I hear a random voice around the woods. Shut the fuck up! Help! Is this actually going to help us? I take a deep breath. Please help! Help!

- Arcana. - Seven. - You scream and scream into this ancient forest

and your voice reverberates back at you. Yes, calmly. You imagine that if the primal spirits were going to tell you anything, they would be drowned out by the sound of your yelling. Yeah. They've actually been trying. They've been trying all day. Oh, please, it's so spooky and I want to pee! The answer is--

Well, Zorbak has an idea. What's your idea, man? Anything, please. Can we call the king for help? He's never answered us one time. Well, maybe now he will. Well, maybe not, but we gotta try, right? I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? The last thing I want is to meet the king at this time.

But he's powerful and we're stuck and scared and some of us are hungry and some of us are pooping our pants. What's some of us? Who else is pooping their pants? Yeah, let's call the king of hearts. I mean, what the hell, Kremi? You got any other ideas? I mean...

This is one tough nut to crack. I already tried tricking the owlbear. I mean, I don't know what else he wants from me. The owlbear? The last of the bearishum? What if you asked the great, kind baron how one would stop shitting their pants? I'm not asking him that. That's pretty indignant. We just have to wait it out. Why don't you just ask him how to get rid of mind goblins?

What? Ask him how to get rid of mind goblins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not, man? This is pathetic. I'm sorry. If I go to him and be like, oh, we got curse and we can't figure out how to get rid of it. Frost is shitting himself. He's in a lot of trouble. I actually hate random chocolate. That's the

I got more problems than ghosts. It doesn't work that way, all right? We really fucking needed them. Maybe I would try. This is not one of those scenarios, am I wrong? Are we going, kid?

Wait, what are you trying to commune with the great train? Oh, great mechanical engines in the hereafter. I'm like a ghost rider in the sky. Oh, great ghost rider in the sky. Ghost riders in the sky. I commune with Gideon's train, ghost cowboy. Ride your flaming steed into my mind.

garage and unveil me of your mechanical wisdom. I plus one that. Thomas had never seen such bullshit before. Gricca was quite distracting, considering this is something you've never done before, so I'm going to have you roll a disadvantage. It's also just not real.

It's just a good time to dread, really. The great mechanics in the sky all know that it's not real. Yeah, they do. I know what that shape is. Yeah, they know that's not fucking real. Oh my god. Can I twist it? Yeah, twist it, twist it, twist it. I'm thinking about two twists in advance. Yeah, just do a double twist. Or ice bone rules, double twist. Okay, that's a two, that's a two. Okay, okay. This is gonna at least be a three. This is just fate.

It's at least gonna be a three, that's how probable you are. Oh, great ghost rider in the sky! I am helping! It's a six. It was more than a three. Alright, one last twist. One last twist. Here's the other one that you haven't rolled yet. What are your current two highest? Six and one. Six is the highest. Six and five are your two highest. Yeah. Okay. Actual powers don't want us to pass this. Yes! It's fate!

That's a nine. So you still take the six though, right? Arcana? It's disadvantage. It's disadvantage, but when you twist it, it undoes it. It's not like the two lowest. You're technically not supposed to be able to twist dreads, but I don't care. Oh, you dreaded? That's why it was a disadvantage. I dreaded it. Oh, I thought it was just exhaustion. No, it was because I dreaded it. But the exhaustion, I don't care. I don't care. It's fine. This is funnier than just me dreading here. For the twist.

That is the noise that you hear, and you are excited for a moment as you think that the trained spirits are responding to you. Here we go, it's working, man. You open your eyes. Here we go, it's working! As you open your eyes and you see the look on Frost's face and realize that that is where the sound came from.

I hear the train a-comin'! I hear it, kid! I hear it's engine callin'! Oh, why does the train smell like shit?!

Nothing's working. You got steam coming out of your ears. Damn it! We're gonna be here forever. That's not a ZS. Call the king, man. Call the king, Torbjörn. It's all on you. It was your idea, man. Call him up. Let's see. Fine. I'll go through my filthy sack and see if I can find the chest piece. Yeah, you can find it easily. Everybody just hold on. I can hear you. Your highness. Your highness.

King of Hearts, are you there? This is Torvac, if you didn't know. Torvac, you guys heard it, right? As you're coming through? Yep, you have to know I heard it. It's still clear, man. We're having several emergencies. Yes, yes. Torvac would never call under normal-- Quiet yourself. Oh. Oh. Are you in mortal peril?

From a certain point in time. You have awoken me during my hours of sleep. This better be good, Torvek. Well, I mean, it's really bad is what it is.

We're stuck in a forest and we keep seeing the same crooked rock and the same purple tree and the same purple thing and then the thing and we see the crooked rocket again and Frost keeps shitting himself. It's really bad. We don't have any way to fix him. He looks dehydrated. We don't have any food or water. He shit in the river. It was our only source of water.

uh blowing down uh water coming soon mr mr king of hearts is scared don't bother ghosts have you mentioned the ghosts yeah they're fucking ghosts please forgive torment coming is very scared i don't know how else to say this we're cursed there's there's shadow people

Torvax used to shadow people, but this is different! Please! Can you please stop yelling? Sorry. Did you call me because your friend is shitting in the woods? That's one of the problems, yes! Turn the pawn towards your location and not your hairy chest.

What do you mean? Just like put it on the ground? Hold it in your hands and turn its face towards your location. And as you do so, you watch the eyes alight with red. You're in thither. You're near the wayward pool. That's why you keep seeing the same thing over and over again. It has nothing to do with your curse.

What about the shitting? It's because of the chocolate. I already explained it. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Torbjorn wants to be sure, Torbjorn's worried! This is no joke.

Do you have any cheese? That's what Torbjorn makes. Guys, he's suggesting cheese! You make me some goddamn cheese. Torbjorn is so sorry. Torbjorn already suggested that and everybody laughed at Torbjorn. Yeah, that's because you think rubber hoses are licorice. Okay, okay, I'll try to make some cheese. That's what I'm going to do. Quiet.

How you're going to make your way to the Wayward Pool is going to be your problem. There are signs all over the place as to how to get in. You just simply have to open your eyes and look for them. But be careful. The unicorn Lemorna is Trixie.

This place is not what it seems. I'm going to bed now. Do not call upon me-- What about the ghost? What about the ghost? Do not call upon me again unless you are in mortal peril. And you hear the line go silent. The ghost killed Grick-- fuck. Did he say unicorn? Yes. I couldn't quite catch the name. He told us not to call him again. Well, at least we know we can, perhaps.

In the future, if we have a real emergency. Okay. I'm gonna make you some cheese, Frosty. What, uh... Mmm, my spirits, I request cheese!

I'm holding a big wedge of cheddar cheese. No, it's not. It's actually a gigantic wedge of very pungent gorgonzola. This is all I got. Sorry, Frost. That's fine. I appreciate that you put it inside of a red wax seal. That's very charming. It's a giant baby bell. It's very pungent, Frost.

Oh man, ah, Frost, I can't, that smell, you should get better. I'm gonna walk. I'm gonna walk.

I'm going to commune with the river spirit. Oh, river spirit. I don't notice that. I commune with thee. Guards, can you just fucking kill me? What are you waiting for?

They both bite you, doing four points of damage. That feels so good. The pain distracts me from my embarrassment. You haven't been cursed, but this food poisoning is quite difficult, and the gorgonzola goes straight through you.

He said cheese. The King of Hearts wouldn't have been wrong about the solution. "How long are you going to be eating?" "Grigo, Griggo." "Oh, you know, I heard from the Great River Spirit."

Ah, fuck it. I walk over and I'm kneeling down next to Gricko at this point. We're both squatting. Oh my god. I think we deserve to die. We're not gonna die. We have to look for signs in a unicorn.

We're going to need more! We're going to need more! He is just shitting water at this point. We've got nothing left. I don't know why you both want to haunt me still. This is a nightmare. I'm already dying from-- From-- Digested gorgonzola. Joke's on you, we're into that shit.

What is that? Spears? Yeah, whatever. "Good lord! "Don't all guards have spears?" They're giant spears, and yet they decide to bite him and everything. Yeah, exactly right. It's ironic, because I've attended that. Okay, start!

No, you finish it and Torbek, look for the signs. Okay. I begin to wander away from the carriage to see if I can find any of these signs that the King of Hearts was asking me to look for. Roll an investigation check. Torbek would not be sure if they are actual real physical, like literal signs or if he was being like, you know, hey, get your metaphorical head out of your metaphorical ass. Investigation, you say? 12.

You begin making your way through this forest, past the gentle, now brown pond, or stream. The wayward pool, I believe it's called. The wayward poo to the small waterfall. It is over here, you're not that far from your friends. It is over here that you begin to notice

rocks lined up in an interesting pattern. At first, it doesn't look like anything unusual until you realize that they're spaced apart almost perfectly all along the way. You look down to inspect each of them, and there are carvings in them. The first one shows what appears to be two unicorns

curled together in an embrace, a loving embrace. The next one you see one of the unicorns appears to be crying and sorrowful, alone. The next you see this rock is carved with what is clearly this unicorn having a bout of anger and casting some sort of magics.

And then you see this forest completely shrouded in mist. Next, you see what looks to be a human man. Just normal human man looking confused.

And you finally get to the last one, you notice that there are rocks scattered about. You see that this human man is standing, looking out over what appears to be a lake, and in the very center is one lone island. And the only thing that seems strange about this carved image is the horn affixed to the human man's head.

Hey guys! When you can all take like five minutes to put yourselves together, I got something to show you. Is it progress? It's something. Okay, I'm here. Let's get the fuck out of here. I would then show them the rocks and the progression of the story exactly as you told me to the best of my ability. It kind of feels familiar.

I wonder if this horn has something to do with something. What do you think? It's possible. Wait! If there's like a unicorn, if you're waving around a severed unicorn horn, is it gonna be like, "Oh, he killed my brother, Charleston."

Is that a common unicorn name? I was calling him Charles and then he just-- You just go right in the moment. Is that a weird unicorn name? Torvac doesn't know. Look, I didn't cut this off, all right? Some other jackass did. Where he said, "I mock you for revenge. "You will never find the wayward pool now." That guy looks like a human and that guy doesn't, so we might be okay.

Well, I'm wondering what if that's how he got the horn on his head? Is that he cut it off and stuck it on his head? Oh, you think you should try sticking that on your head? I mean, I may have already tried a few times over the last few weeks. When? I don't remember seeing you do that. Just, you know, I mean, I didn't do anything at the time. I could try now in front of this fucking sign. Come on.

- No time like the present! - Does it do anything? - You place the horn upon your head and immediately you watch as the world around you begins to shift and where there had been purple trees and pink and blue and green, this gentle stream and the small waterfall, they all begin to fade away as they swirl in this beautiful glittery mist

until eventually you see that you are actually standing on the bank of this beautiful pool. It is more like a large lake, though it doesn't look that deep. Imagine you could wade through it to this island at the very center, lush and beautiful, filled with flowers of varying colors, colors that you've never even seen before. There doesn't seem to be anything or anyone on this small island, but

As you look and you strain your eyes, you see what appears to be an unlit brazier.

on the island. Mm-hmm. So we're magically teleported. We've been transported. You're not teleported, it's just whatever glamor was on this area is gone. Like illusory terrain. We've seen through the veil! Oh my god. And what you do see is that the mist seems to coalesce around the island more so than anywhere else. It is significantly more misty and veiled. That actually fucking worked.

Unbelievable. Hey, great work, man. Yeah, well done. I take it off. Nothing seems to change. You performed unicorn magic. I can't believe it actually worked! Oh my god! He communed with the spirits. It was like an instruction manual. Yeah, we just had to go through the process of elimination. Just had to roll an investigation check. I had to fail, and Gideon had to fail, and Furtom used to charge. There you go! Oh, just the stream let out this lake.

The water ain't running anymore, huh? - It's just stagnant. - It's looking a little swampy in there. - Oh, we gotta go through it. - Is that a layer of algae or is that a-- - No, this lake is clearly of a magical quality, not like the stream that you had just been in. Lights dance and sparkle off of it, these beautiful,

green lightning bugs skim the water and then fly up into the air. It is magical and beautiful. This is a place unlike any you've seen. The Feywild itself, there have been places that were not nearly as appealing, but you have seen some of the most beautiful places you've ever seen, and they all pale in comparison to the Wayward Pond. Oh, thank goodness. Torb, I can't afford to get you already out again. Let's go!

Oh, I love Giardia out of me hot dollars. Torbeck thinks that Torbeck and Gricka have very different definitions of Giardia. Isn't that like the pickled relish? It's a horrific disease. Nah, I don't think so.

Nah. Uncle Globo used to serve Giardia. So you're walking into the water? I was going in. Yeah, and you fall off the islands. You walk into the water, and at first it is about-- it starts off about one foot deep. It eventually goes to two. And you find that it is-- as you wade out further, it gets to be about five to six feet deep.

But it is crystal clear. You can see down to the bottom it is deceptive because from the shore it looked like you could just walk across with no problem. And you realize that as you continue to make your way out, it is going to get deeper and deeper. Yet the clarity of the water never changes. You can see straight down to the bottom to all the coral fish swimming in their gyms. All of the... The coral fish...

And that's how they... I only got one set left, bro. Okay? You guys want to spot me?

And you watch as all of the life inside of this. You see frogs of varying colors swimming through the water. You see little water bugs that skirt along the top

and again, the lightning bugs and dragonflies that dip down and drink and fly up into the air. Everything seems to be living peacefully and in harmony with each other. As you wade into this water, Frost, you immediately feel relief. - Nobody look in the clear water. - Almost as if there is something special about the water in this pool.

What ailed you is gone. You feel refreshed. All of you feel refreshed as you feel the exhaustion leave you. As you feel the benefits of a short rest coming over you all at once. All of them all hit dust. Short rest time, come on. It's time to take a short rest. If you demand a short rest, I'll show you this. Perf. I don't need these all, actually.

Does it seem like Juniper can come with us? You imagine she could. It's big enough. The lake is 250 feet of fresh, still water. It's 30 feet deep at its deepest. And as you get closer, you realize that the islet is 30 feet wide and about 40 feet long. It's small. Ootzy, remember the doggy paddle? Oh, you're doing great. Oh, that's so cute.

You are easily able to cross. You eventually find yourselves on this little island. What to do? Any unicorns around? Just looking for some unicorns.

You hear the sound of scampering animals. You see a chipmunk tumble out from below a bush, holding onto a large acorn as it attempts to open it with its mouth. It fumbles with it a little bit, looks at you, doesn't even look scared as it looks between all of you.

It's almost for a second like you see a soft smile on its face as it darts back into the bushes. And it's in this moment that you notice that all of the shadows have been cleansed from your bodies. Oh my god. Thank goodness. That's it. All right. Well, thank you, magical unicorns, if that was you. Maybe it was magical water, but I like to think that it was the unicorns that helped us. It was the pool!

Oh, it could've been the pool, yeah. It's a magic pool! Thank you, Wayward Pool. I feel... refreshed. You feel like... your tummy's all good? Yeah, I'm not sweating. I think... I think I'm alright. You look a lot better. Oh, thank you much, you Wayward Pool. Me mate Frosty can control his stool. Thank you. About 20 pounds lighter, but you're looking good. Yeah.

All right, well, we're free. And we still have all the gold pieces. Well, I'm presuming that Juno was on the other side of the bay. You left the gold pieces back at Nib's Cave. You never picked them back up. We put them in the chariot. We put them in the chariot. Oh, I don't remember you saying that.

Well, we haven't brought them to the island, though. So at the very least, either they're back at Nixcave or they're in the chariot. Are the ghosts still with us? They're gone? No, they're gone. They're cleansed. All right. Stupid carnival of horrors is gone. Looks like we're all cleared up. Thank you, pool. Thank you, unicorns, if it was you. We don't mean to steal credit. Here we go. Fosse.

Gideon accidentally killed the clowns that haunted him. You purposefully killed that chipmunk, all right. You point fingers. And I may have killed those guards, even if I was under the influence of strange fake curses. You definitely killed those guards. And like 38 other guards. It's a question of intent, right? Mindfulness. But it doesn't matter. With Torbeck, he was nothing like himself when he killed Abdon Longscarf.

And you killed Pierre during the Iron Electrum Chef competition. No, that's a different Pierre. Oh, that's a different Pierre. You killed a different Pierre in a different situation that I can't remember at this time. I didn't tell you all about it. But? Well, I guess I did later, but... What? You, uh... When I cut Pierre's throat in the swamp. Yes. He was tailing us on the way to the Witchlight Carnival. Oh, you did tell us that. Yeah. You probably deserved it. Well...

I mean, I think so, but... Didn't he spark our drinks with, like, some... one of Mr. Guru's drugs that he peddles? He was just following orders, you know, and... He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, you know what I mean? He was following the wrong guys. That's a really brutal way to kill somebody. All right. Can you just blow off his head with an Eldritch Blast? Why do you gotta cut his throat? I mean, it's... it's quick and solid. You bushwhacked him? Yeah, pretty much. Guess what I'm driving at.

is that we don't know anything about your relationship with Uncle Glorbo or why he would be haunting you. Do you have any, uh, explanation? Well, I don't know what happened to Uncle Glorbo. He, uh, he had a gambling habit, as he called it. He owed a lot of money to a lot of really bad people. And he kind of went on the lam and I would go visit him and bring him some food.

And, I mean, there was one night I went to the pub, I had a few pints, I had a few more pints, and I get kind of, I flap me gums when I, you know, when I have a lot of pints, as you know. And, you know, I may have let slip.

where he was at and some certain people may have overheard. I don't know. All I know is that when I went to go deliver food, he was gone. And I don't know what happened, Uncle Globo. So I'm going to take this as it was more of a nightmare given the fact that I don't know what happened. And so I'm still thinking, is Uncle Globo still alive out there somewhere? And it wasn't.

Killed by the goblin mafiosos that also frequented the pub with our allies. Just hanging around with all the dead ghosts and all those. It was a coincidence. One of the chances, Griggo. I'm interpreting it. That makes me feel a little better, Griggo. So I believe it was caught if I am to interpret it.

The intention of the curse, it could be more of... I mean, if he did, you know... If they did find him and, you know, whack him, so to speak, and I'll reach into my pack and I'll find, like, the fucking Chuck E. Cheese hat, and I'll put it over my... I'm glad we were doing the fucking wiggle log. If Uncle Globo is sleeping with the leeches...

That's what they say at the swamp. Sleeping with the carcassians. Sleeping with the leeches. Maybe, rest in peace, it may be for the metaphorical doon.

Thank you, Griggo. That makes me feel much better. A wise man once told me that's what we call mental gymnastics. Perhaps so. And perhaps we're all doing our own form of mental gymnastics in some ways. I guess it's true that what they say, loose lips sink ships and kill your uncle. Oh, so people don't forget. Yeah.

Gosh. I'm just glad we didn't have to fight any shit elementals in the fucking goblin pond on the island. As you say that. Imagine the smell. I'm from the one I'm sitting on. Oh, it turns into Conker's Bat for a day, right? ♪ Far out of the music starts playing ♪ ♪ The great mighty Pooh ♪ We have an amazing boss fight with sweet corn. ♪ Bring me some sweet corn ♪ Well, I propose we explore this island and see what

What lies here? It's shrouded in mist, and the only thing that you can see outside of the foliage is a large metal brazier. Yeah, we can see that brazier swimming up here. Filled to the brim with coal. Oh! Hang on! With what? It's in the name, ladies and gentlemen! I like to think that every time you spit in your hands, it's like .

Uh, well, it's a shame to come all this way and not set ol' coal on fire. Let's go! I mean, are we cool with that, or do we think this is gonna summon a shit elemental? As long as no one pronounces it "Brazier," I think we're all set. Light her up, kid. Light her up. Oh no, it's coming and it's so slow to me!

I punch into the brazier. The brazier. Brazier? The brazier. The brazier. The brazier. And with my classic brazier technique, and I ignite the coals within, as I've done a thousand times, and I'll do a thousand more. The pixie who's wearing the brazier...

screams out in pain as you punch her in the chest. She screams out in enjoyment, I promise you. I've heard it before. As the brazier lies cold. Speaking from experience. The pixie ignites and shrivels into ash. Honey, that's pleasure. No, you channel the innate fire within you as you punch into this brazier. As your fists connect,

with the coal. You watch as the kernel of flame within them ignites and they begin to glow and pulse with the beginnings of flame until eventually they catch and a fire erupts and roars out of this. You watch as immediately the mists begin to part and standing on the very edge of the lake is a single white horse shining in the light.

Her body is shimmering with iridescence, a single gleaming horn on her brow. She stands perfectly still, silently, observing you, but not moving, just watching. - Oh my god, she's beautiful. Does she look like she might be a unicorn missing a horn? She has a horn. - She has a horn. - Oh. - Mm-hmm. - I thought she was a horse.

And with a horn. Reveal a white horse with a single gleaming horn on her brow. That's how she is described. Look at it. I think that's Lorna or whatever. The kings say, like, Unicorn Lorna was over here. It was something like that. But if we don't know her name, we should be careful. Did anyone catch her name? It was something like Lorna.

That's what Torbeck heard. It's not Lorna, that's the horrible fucking hag. No, I didn't, Torbeck didn't say Lorna, Torbeck said Lorna. Listen, I got a very strong recollection of things, not even in the, you know, kind of like sometimes I'm correct way. It's probably just Lorna. Oh. Hmm. Grimia, if you wanted to approach and talk, I think that you're the one who's best equipped for the job, but don't be upset if

The unicorn runs off very quickly. I understand they don't like to stick around if you aren't a virgin. Why don't you go up to her? Frosty! You've been preparing your whole life for this! What are you trying to say? Don't take this from me! I start to slowly approach. There, there, it's all right, it's all right. You begin-- Oh jeez, what does Gid do? And I stick my hand out. It's okay, it's okay. You begin to move forward.

doing your best to move slowly and to make non-threatening gestures and you keep your voice soft. She does not move even a fraction. You've never seen a creature stand so still, so majestic, so beautiful. And as you get to about 50 feet from this creature, immediately you hear in your mind, "Why have you come to this place?"

Are you here to torment me like the rest? Are you here to point and laugh at me? For I am the last. I am the only one left. My love was taken from me and is gone. What do you want with me? And that is where we'll end the session. Oh, no! Fucking way!

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