Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 46 | The Jaws That Bite
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What a do! Welcome to Legends of Adventress. My name is Kremi LeCrux and you are listening to Once Upon a Witch Life. Here's what happened last time.

We just need to find a little bit of shade and some shelter. That's probably some shade under the obelisk. Wait a second, I remember this place. This is Neckbats! Neckbet. That's what I said, Neckbats. No, Neckbet. There's a large limestone temple. The sand is moving unnaturally. What looks to be a gigantic cobra. But no, not one cobra, but two. And then three. It is a single cobra.

but with three heads. Almost like a madness overcomes Torbek, and for a second you see his eyes flash, and they are no longer his eye. The bloodlust overcomes him, and he rips scale after scale. He rips it into pieces. Hootsie, great fucking work! Nice pull! Torbek, up top, man! Great shot! Ah!

You see what appears to be a sphinx guarding the entrance to this thing. Recount the tales to me times three of a troubled past and what set you free. Prisoned, ten years of my life snatched away in my prime and I don't let anything stop me from having a good time nowadays because you know it's just fucking fleeting. Shimmering light appears in the room as a young woman takes shape, shrouded in black garments.

See a verdant, beautiful courtyard filled with thorny bushes of blue roses. Filled with the sounds of life. It is gorgeous. There's a fountain off to the side that is bubbling with crystalline water. And at the very back, an arched wooden doorway that looks almost fairy tale-like in its nature. The door of a castle, like a palace. This is the kind of place that's made of the very heart's desire.

You have found yourselves traveling through a fairy circle to what you had assumed was Nekbe. The sands stretched out for miles around you. The deserts were... the sun was hot. The trek through the sands was difficult. You expected to find at least something or someone that was familiar to you, as this was the material plane.

But after a few hours of traveling through this dangerous landscape, you encountered something you weren't expecting.

a temple, an Ekbeshin temple of sorts. And after the battle with the temple guardian, you came face to face with the effigy of a swan goose and a strange, a strange stela. I'm going to turn this music down. The swan goose was very frightening. I wasn't very frightened. A swan goose. I know!

We feel like we're on Weathertop, folks. I'm down to get stabbed by a Morgul blade. Why not? You-- I'm pregnant with a good time. Reading the scylla at the base of the Swan Goose, you begin to realize this place is not at all what you see, what it seemed. Though the imagery and the temple itself is built in the style of neckbats,

there is an offness to it. There is something different about this. You begin to notice that in the carvings there are imagery of the hourglass and the roses. And as you accomplish the riddle,

and make your way through the entrance to this temple, you are confronted with the imagery of animal-headed knights. And progressing through this temple, you find yourself meeting more riddles and beginning to learn and see the backstories of the three hags that you know to inhibit Prismir. Endelyn Moongrave, Scabitha, Granny Nightshade, and Bavlorna Blightstrom.

coming to realize their past and what led them to a singular hut in the middle of a swamp and how they were turned from woman to hag. Their hag origin story, as it were. You now know who these women are, the evils in their past lives, what led them to the place that they have come to now in Prisneer. And as you continue to travel through this place,

you realize that though you've learned these things about these hags, there is definitely something far older that this temple is attributed to. Something that you don't quite understand yet. Constantly, constantly confronted with the imagery of the blue rose. And it is here, as you stand in what appears to be the final courtyard of this Nekbeshen temple, that you see you're surrounded by an oasis.

A beautiful verdant garden blooming with red roses. And at the very end, in an arched doorway, is a door. But one that looks succinctly out of place. It looks more like the sort of door that you would see leading into a castle. The stone very similar to castles that you've seen in your travels.

Definitely not the limestone blocks that you can attribute to Nekbet or the deserts. And yet this beautiful garden blooms here in the sands. And in the very center, you notice something that stands out from all of the blue roses and all of the verdant green. A very large fountain. The water inside of it is cool, blue, and crystalline. But that's not what catches your attention.

It is the horrible effigy of a creature you've all seen before that looms over the water, the figure of the Jabberwock. Its wings outspread, its neck bent down as it is almost, it looks almost poised to attack the singular thing that sits in the very center of this fountain. Out of the very middle, the large stone, you see a stone depiction of a sword.

A sword that is encircled by thorns and topped on the hilt with a singular rose. Not blue like every other rose that you see here, but completely colorless. And as you look at this fountain, you notice that there are climbing up the sides of this Jabberwock fountain. On one side you see beautiful blue roses.

And then the other side catches your attention as you see the only other color, red. Beautiful red roses that climb up the other side almost as if they're competing, almost as if they're battling each other as their thorned vines twine together and try to overtake this beautiful fountain. And at the very front, a large plaque with some sort of writing. And that's what you see as you enter this place.

So it's a stone statue of the Jabberwock. It's a stone statue of the Jabberwock. Oh my god. Oh my god, that scares the shit out of me. That's it! It's the Elden Beast of Viridian Scale. Not in front of us, fellas. Wait, that's what you saw? That's what I saw. When you were flying up in the sky, that's what you saw across the way? It was, how the fuck did it get here? To be clear, this is a statue, not real, Cremmy. I mean, it looks like a statue, but maybe it's some kind of trick.

Wait, with my second sight, do I see anything weird with my sight beyond sight? It looks like a statue. No, you're right, it looks like a statue. Why is it here, though? I mean, is there some kind of fucking connection? I don't get it. Also, I feel like we need to unpack everything we just saw in Echo's past. There's...

Why are you calling it that, Frowlst?

From what? Jabberwocky. Oh. Do we not know that name? You trying to make it like a cute thing? It's a Jabberwock.

I think that Richie is pointing out the common misconception that Jabberwocky is the name of the poem. The creature itself is the Jabberwock. You know why? No, it just sounded really natural to say Jabberwocky. Oh, it does sound very cute. Hello, little Jabberwocky. Come here, come here. Coochie, coochie, coo. It's like Kleenex and facial tissue. Yeah, yeah. Or band-aid. And adhesive bandage. Kind of.

Anyways I would like to say that my mind is similarly boggled but this is far more information than I usually am able to process in a month

much less in several hours, especially after baking alive in the desert and being poisoned by a snake and being dragged down to a spooky voodoo swamp. Yep, yep. Door mega-grease! It's been rough, gosh, it's been-- I mean, so what-- I mean, why are we seeing all this? I mean, who's showing us all of this? Is the door still there on the other side?

This is a very large courtyard. It is a temple oasis courtyard. It is two, maybe even three times larger than the courtyards you'd been in previously. And it is all verdant. There is lush grass at your feet. It feels, in the other courtyards, it felt like it was 120 degrees Fahrenheit. And here, it feels like it's a nice 65 degrees.

There is a breeze. It is beautiful, and at the very end, you notice that the final, the backstone wall is made out of what almost looks like marble.

And it is very clearly not the same stone that the rest of the temple is made out of. Maybe someone knows we have business with all of those people and they're trying to help us out. Also, Dormek feels really bad about eating all those cookies now. I would ask, why...

Why would you assume that we're being shown something? That's a good question. We just came here. We're intruding. But, I mean, don't you think that's a weird fucking coincidence? That, like, I mean, I guess anyone that walks through Prismia would have the same fucking experience. Maybe that's true. I suppose it's possible that we were somehow intercepted and brought here, and that that's... that there's an intent and a meaning to all of this. It wouldn't be...

Well, it wouldn't be weird to walk through a place like this and have something happen, but it's pretty fucking strange to walk through here, and it's all to do with the hags, and it's all about how they got to be the way they are. I mean, it definitely feels like that's for us. I don't think it's personal. It doesn't seem like it's for us. We're adjacent to the Feywild. There's...

There's nothing seedy about this in my mind. It's just like wandering into someone's house and reading their library. Of course you'd find books that you might make connections with or draw some assumptions about. Does this remind me at all of the glade or whatever that I saw the visions of when I had the unicorn horn? Oh.

I'm trying to remember. Is that the one where you-- No, that's the one where you saw the unicorn. Yeah, I was looking through someone's eyes. This is very clearly not in any way similar. Well, I mean, if it's just a statue,

Wait, where's the sword? Is it just sitting on its own? No, so it is part of the fountain. So there's this gigantic fountain in the center, and it has the stone image of the Jabberwock as if it is over this sword in the stone, almost menacingly, like they are in battle with each other. And the sword is in the very center, coming out of a stone. Wow.

Clever. A sword and a stone? No idea. I know that! The sword itself is also stone. It is a depiction because it is all part of the same fountain. But it is quite a large sword with the tendrils of thorny rose vines wrapped around it. And then the head of it comes to the end of the hilt, which is the shape of a rose.

and it is oddly devoid of color. So what do you think, fellas? I mean, should we just pass this and go to the next door? Are we supposed to, like, I don't know, is there something in the fountain that we have to do? Is that the Nott equivalent? Everything so far has had one of them plaques that breaks it down for us, and it looks like this one's got one of the same, maybe. I agree.

Imagine there may be an additional riddle, perhaps some challenge or test that we have to pass in order to progress. That was the case in the previous areas. Well, if we have to tell another story, I guess Torbeck can talk about his irritable bowel syndrome and how Torbeck overcame it, but not really. It has to be relevant to whatever the riddle is. The plaque itself should give us some indication, but unlike some of the others, there's...

I've written a language I don't read. Well, there's nothing to say. It couldn't be a story about mild to moderate inconveniences. And then, you know, just be ready. Torbeck is unfortunately always ready. Do you just want to talk about it? I feel like you keep bringing up your ear bowel syndrome. Torbeck is trying to stop eating rubber.

"but it really looks like licorice!" Well, it's either that or it's the 27 hag cookies you ate. It's hard to tell what's in that. "Oh, that's a good point!" What if you're growing a bunch of little fuckers inside of your gut now? Because you ate all those cookies like Bufluna did.

What if they're growing like polyps inside of your colon? Gringo, stop! You're scaring Torbjorn! Gringo, stop! What if a tiny little fucking Torbjorn starts sprouting out of you? No! Gringo, stop!

Oh god, Torbjorn can feel the gookies coming back up! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! To the caulfish, too? Can we just stop? Everybody just fucking calm down, all right? Look, you're going to be fine. Just next time, don't eat like 38,000 feathers, you understand? But it was all so good! It doesn't matter how good it is. Oh, how about when you take one little nibble, you realize it's not licorice? Stop! You don't have to fucking keep eating it. Have you ever had licorice?

Now that you've had it, Torbeck's not sure. We're going to get you some licorice so you can make the distinction moving forward. It tastes much worse than a hot pot. I'm sorry to say. You'll never mistake the two again. Can't say I agree with that.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. You do like licorice. Yeah, it's very flavorful. Not particularly rubber hose-like, so I can understand why you've been making this terrible mistake. Oh, happy as hell, and confection or deception. Oh, yippee! Oh!

I've enjoyed some black licorice. My favorite house to go to is Old Lady Num Noms with the black licorice and apple slices. I also enjoy the house where they hand out the full-size candy bars.

No, I imagine Frost goes to the houses where they give those mini toothbrushes. Cracker Jacks. Pocket-sized rulers. Or pennies, the houses that give out pennies. There's a small riddle inside. Oh!

Hootsie, we're never going-- Great teaser. Sleep is the death of reason. The sleep of reason is the arrival of demons, yes, of course. Hootsie, next Sauron, we are going to follow my route for confection or deception instead of Frosty's route. No more toothbrushes. Anyway, can somebody read the fucking thing?

That was Frost, go on. Frosty. I've attempted to read similar plaques that were written in the same language and come away with very little. You've read them all and you've been able to read them all? Yeah. Yeah, so far. As you've looked at them, they're very clear in a language you don't understand, but as you look at them much longer, the words form on them. It shifts into common. Yeah, it comes into your brain space. When we were in the circle, though,

I wasn't able-- The Circle of Stones, when we initially arrived. Yeah, no, you couldn't read those. I couldn't read those. So this is not that same language as what I'm asking. No, this is the same. It's similar to the Knights and to the Swan Goose. I will endeavor to read it. Roll an intelligence check. Seems strategic. Pick the guy with Clough's five hands.

I might need to-- I swear this never happens. This is going to take a little longer. It's much more complex. Look at my glasses. It's very difficult to understand. The letters are just-- Actually-- They're constantly moving. I will reach into my pack, as I'm struggling, and I will pull out a pair of spectacles that I have gotten on my journey, and I will

Oh yes. With a 21, I will stare close and hope that the words dissolve into meaning. They do begin to move all over the place, almost as if they're running, chasing each other, forming new lines and new squiggles and new forms until eventually they land in a rough approximation of a language that you understand.

Beware the Jabberwock, my son, The jaws that bite, the claws that catch; Beware the Jud-Jub-Bird and Shun, The Fumious Bandersnatch. He took his warple sword in hand, Long time the mansome foe he sought; So rested he by the tum-tum tree, And stood awhile in thought.

- Do you read this out loud to us? - I initially process the entire message before I start to read it, and you'll hear under my breath, "It is Jabberwock."

This must be what Graco feels like all the time. Once you finish reading the message, Torbek will lean over to the premie and say,

Gideon chooses not to read. Torbjorn can't read. We are not the same. - All right, buckle in everyone. This is a long one and it's complex and some of these words may sound made up and I repeat the messages to the best of my ability. - I will say with a 21, you were able to just read it back out loud, word for word. - What do half those words mean?

Well, it's something about a tum-tum tree, so maybe it does want to actually hear about your IBS. Torment can save the day. There's a tree in the corner of the oasis that just has tums all over it. Oh, my goodness.

Yes! Face opens up, "Tom, Tom, Tom!" "Tom!" Walking Pepto-Bismol bottle. Anky stomach, die already. Yeah, no, the-- Naja, heartbreak, indigestion. Upset stomach. Wait, wasn't that the thing, weren't the little campestry folks, weren't they saying something similar to that?

You were singing about a Jabberwock too when you were like, "Oh, it's the Viridian Star!" Oh yeah, they were singing nonsense too. Oh, it was all... I could pull them out, but they've been quite tired. Why? I don't want to read that again. I don't want to hear that again. What?

I think my brain might be-- I think goblin brains can't process this. I said, "I think we're fucked!" It's possible that I am not interpreting the text. These may be real words that we would understand in some alternative form in common, but there's something about these spectacles. They really make things feel very clear when I stare at this. So what does it mean

besides nonsense. Well, I think it's saying that this thing can be killed. Or that somebody's killed one of these things before. It chopped its head off with the... did it say... warple sword? It did. There's more than one?! I mean, I'm guessing that this... I mean, maybe this is one mythical beast, but if it's just a fucking, you know, critter in the woods, just a really big one, I'm guessing there's more than one.

I can read it to you again if you'd like to hear it. That'd be nice. Frost, please. Give me more help. One moment. Grab a night quill. No, it's going to put you right to sleep. No! The weeping night quill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I say, Beware the jabberwock, my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that catch. Beware the jub-jub bird and shun, the fumious bandersnatch.

He took his vorpal sword in hand, long time the man-sown foe he sought, so rested he by the tum-tum tree, and stood a while in thought. And as in uffish thought he stood, the jabberwock with eyes of flame came whiffling through the tulgy wood, and burbled as it came. One-two, one-two, and through and through, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack. He left it dead, and with its head he went glumphing back.

Chop the damn thing's head off. I just can't believe in this entire thing. At no point in time. I mean, they said he went galumphing back, and it seems like a missed opportunity to say he jabber-walked away. You know what I mean? Like, he cut his whole freaking head off. I mean, who's writing this thing? It was right there. That's how it sounds in common, but in the original language, that play on words may not make any sense. Yeah, Torbeck was sure galumphing is something else.

Yeah, no, I mean, he probably saw the dead Jabberwock and said, and he did a 360 and walked away. Yeah, Jabberwock. Oh, by the way, Frosty, you read real nice. Oh, thank you, thank you. You have a very nice reading voice. I feel vindicated that Snickers snacks are real. That's something I mentioned 21 episodes ago or so, and...

When? When I mentioned snicker bars. You don't recall? Half a year ago? On our trip to almost Hershey Park. Thank you. I just have all the fun without a snicker bar. You missed the Hershey Park caper? He doesn't even know what that

It is! They have chocolate bars that are a whole pound. We're tearing this world apart! You're tearing me apart, Nysa! That's a snicker. Well. Is it possible? Go ahead. Oh, I don't know what to do. I was going to ask if this is the sword. Could it perhaps be the Vorpal Sword that fell the Jabberwock in

In some point in the past? Well, I mean, it looks like it's made of stone and connected to this other stone. So it would be kind of weird.

Weird, but I mean, I guess there's nothing to say. It can't be a sword made of stone in a stone. I don't know how a sword can snicker snack either. Perhaps it can transform into whatever Vorpal material is. Frosty, I think, so Gideon, you're right. I really don't think you could pull that sword out of the stone anyway. Whoa. I mean, you're right. You're right. Nobody said, I didn't say that.

What do you mean? I can pull that sword out of that stone. You just said that. It's not even a little bit lodged in there. I can go pull it. If you don't feel like it. No, I'm not holding back. If you don't feel like you can do it. No, I can do it. No, everybody look at me. Everybody watch right now. Where am I? Get down!

I try as hard as I can to rip the sword out of this thing. That's somebody's property! Yeah, stop! You need to wait a moment. I want to show you something, but I also don't-- I'm just giving you a heads up. I don't want spoilers and I don't know what to do. Do you have a piece of paper to cover it? I could just rip the page out of the book. No, no, don't rip the fucking page out of the book. That's a joke, that's a joke. Give me one secundo. Okay. Should we take a quick break? I am Secundo. Bring me the Hicks of Zerobbis.

We literally just started, so the answer to that is no. Okay. Halt. Bring me the hexature armament. Attention all planets of the Solar Federation. Secundo is his name. I can't wait for the Spanish translation where we hire voice actors to do all of our characters in Spanish for all of lifespan. That's going to be fantastic. I can't believe you blew that just on a random wish light. I mean, like literally half of our YouTube comments on YouTube

You too? No, I made a deliberate choice. I'm thinking about it nonstop. I will never say it. That's what it looks like. Whoa! But it's all stone. It's like fucking various. But it's all stone. I was thinking. It is all stone, and everything but the rose looks to be stone. The rose itself seems even more devoid of color than the stone itself. It's almost as if the stone doesn't have color where the rose is. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Anyway, I felt it was important that you see what it looked like. Well, he's going for it. Okay. Be very careful, that looks like a very delicate tilt. While I was so desperately trying to figure out how to show you this without

Spoiler images. What? What are you doing? I'm trying to vandalize private property. That's never been a problem for you before, all right? Not even one time have you brought up a concern about that. When it's private property of a horrible elder tag, then it becomes a fucking problem. That's never been proven. That remains to be seen. Well, do your thing. I'm already doing my thing. I know. My hands are on it. We're going to talk about this afterwards is all I'm going to say.

Okay, so what are you doing? My hands are under the-- well, is the blade lodged in the stone or is the blade pointed at the jabberwock? The blade is lodged in the stone. It's very sort of the stone axe. I'm using all of my-- And there is water in the fountain. It's fairly shallow, but it's beautiful and crystalline.

Yeah, wherever I got to stand-- It doesn't seem like it's pouring. Whatever I got to enter, whatever. Are you drinking the water out of the fountain? Yes! It's incredibly refreshing. It's the first thing that they did. It's water. Once I realize that Gideon's trying to pull the sword out, I'll stop at the water running all over.

You do have to step up onto the fountain a little bit. You step up onto the edge and then you step over onto the stone itself and you plant your feet on either side as you grasp the hilt. You bear down with all of your strength to pull this sword from the stone. I will say you do feel

twist it a little and see that it is not part of the stone itself. It could potentially be removed. Whether you have the strength to do it is hard to tell. So I need you to make a strength check for me, please.

I'll be using Mage Hand, kind of like when a spotter is noticing someone's reaching muscle failure and they put one finger out underneath the wound. I'll be doing that with my hand. Moral support. Yeah, what's that like? Don't worry, God, that's grind. Natural twine. If you were going to...

Give your mage hand to yourself! You whip it out the courtyard. It's now lodged in the ceiling. Gideon's like, don't touch it, don't touch it! I got it, I got it, I got it! No, I got it, I got it! Why would you touch it? 28. It's not enough. I'm just kidding. He needed a 30. By the beard of Zeus! You needed a 30 for this. Great Poseidon's tridentness is lodged in here.

You bear down and with all of your might, you begin to pull and at first,

There is no give, and you continue to pull and pull. You watch as the embers in Gideon's beard and his hair begins to ignite as he's exerting all of the force he can muster. You can see the muscles in his arms begin to tighten as he is using every ounce of strength he has to pull this sword out.

and then, almost as if something clicks, it effortlessly pulls from the stone, and you brandish the sword through the air. You watch as the blade, even though it's made of stone, catches the light, and you see a prism of rainbow colors just shift across the blade for a second. It feels incredibly light, but also it feels

substantial. It feels like this is the kind of blade that could fell this creature, and yet this isn't a blade at all. This is a stone. This is part of this statue. Wow! Oh my gosh! Would you believe that was only 20% of my balance? Yes, you almost went super genasi. Turret believes it, yeah! We were either supposed to do that, or we really fucking shouldn't have done that. Why is Gideon so cool?

Is the rose still-- You stab yourself in the back. It's still devoid of color. Devoid of color?

But the blade is like a rainbow blade? As it caught the light, you saw almost as if it were a real blade, the way the light would kind of ripple across the blade, but it was in a prism of rainbow colors as it did this. And as you move it around, you see-- This is so beautiful! You still see that on occasion, that it will catch the light and you can see this shift of color along the blade as if for a moment you could be fooled that this blade was real.

but you feel it in your hands. You can feel that this is clearly the porosity of stone. This is not metal. Well, this is definitely it, guys. Do we all see the rainbow shimmer? My goodness, that is quite a thing. We got to get out of here. I think that I rule neck bats now.

I think that I'm just the rightful emperor of neckbats. I mean, there are some cultures that say that's enough to be the foundation of a hereditary monarchy. I think that we gotta go check it out. I mean, this could solve all our problems. Is this a system of government? It's a system of government. No, just because some watery tart throws you a sword doesn't mean...

You hear that, Mr. Jabberwocky? You're a watery tart. Yum. I hope there's raspberries in it. Careful now, you'll ignite into flames. I'm not afraid of this. Look how goofy he looks. He's got big old bug eyes. So if that...

Thing that plaque is like a like a riddle. Maybe you gotta chop its head off now was actually gonna be my suggestion I mean yeah, exactly. I'll give it a try. I mean this thing's cool as hell Yeah, it's kind of heavy, but kind of light at the same time make sure that it snickers snacks on the way down a little snicker snack snicker snack is the only thing I know how to do I think that's the important part

Hold on, that's gonna get messy! I have no choice. Maybe practice your galumph now and then you'll know how to do it after. Well, I mean, how do you galumph? I don't even practice galumphing. I mean, give me some... Dorkbeck has had several run-ins with the law over galumphing. You know, as galumph what you were doing in that bush, you think I need to stand in front? You think I need to behead the Jabberwocky? Spin around?

Allegedly. Oh, well. I think that's just public masturbation. Allegedly, Mr. Cranberry. Well, there's nothing that says Galumphant ain't public masturbation, you know? We're one and the same. If it is public masturbation, then you can't do it here. This is a private courtyard. Well, not if everybody's watching me. I don't know if we count. We're friends. Well, that's fair, I guess.

They've seen you masturbate many times. Oh, well, yeah. It depends on the province or region. Yeah. Well, is there a law in Nekbet that perhaps we can reference? I don't know if there are any-- We never covered Nekbet in Goblin College.

The Jabberwock's not down here, though. We gotta go back to Thither, where presumably there are plenty of people that could watch me masturbate after I behead it, and then I think it's totally fine. I think that completes the nursery rhyme. I do have two semi-conscious compassories in my pack. They've never seen me masturbate, that's

This is turning into a weird power fantasy. Look, we're not going to do any of this. For the first time, you see the Campestries. His faces are eternally happy. Look, stare on and work. I know you can't look away, Campestries, but you might want to close your eyes. Well...

You know what's also true is that I think that the meaning of it's a lot of nonsense, but I think it's saying is that, oh, I'm the Jabberwock, and only a bitch couldn't behead me.

Oh, well. I made his head come off as easy as my pants won't go off him. Yikes. What if you tried it on the statue first? I'm not trying it on the... Why would I chop the statue's head off? I mean, that's the fucking riddle. I think it's a stone sword. Oh, man.

Oh man, I thought we were going back to the other with this thing. I cut that Jabberwock's head off. The act of doing the ritual here may transform the sword into what we need to defeat the real Jabberwock. I don't want to say that I-- because we're doing a lot of references to episode two, I did very well on the unicorn riddle. And as the self-proclaimed emperor of riddles and the Muad'Dib,

I'm speaking plain English, folks. "It is the law of riddles that the sword will shatter "as soon as you behead it, and we will not be able "to use it on the Jabberwock." Wait, how does Gricco know that? "It's the law of riddles." Why hasn't Gricco mentioned that until now? "I don't like to flex about it." No, he has, he just missed it.

Oh, no! That's true. That's true. Greg, I don't-- Tormek doesn't mean to be a bad listener. It's okay. We can put it to both. It took me a long time to learn how to be an active listener. Just like, "Okay." Every time someone says something, and then they'll say, "Oh, he's such a good listener. "I'm not going to knock out him "as soon as he comes back from the pub." Okay.

So you come back home after having some brews with your lads. Okay. A couple pints with your lads, and you come back and you're like, well, I'll

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And then they'll eventually stall, and then you say, oh, I'm such a good listener. As we've been having this entire conversation, I've forgotten to take my spectacles off, and I'm looking around the garden. Does it appear differently than it would if I didn't have my spectacles off? Can you tell me what your spectacles do? Because I don't remember what they are. It's the cumulus spectacles, and they tell me

Cumulant, I can't pronounce it. That's fine, just tell me what they do. You told me that they give me advantage on perception checkies and I can see invisible fey creatures. Oh! Invisible perception checkies. I would love to. Oh my god. And I'm gonna do it at-- This place is covered with fey creatures. Advantage. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

We're so close. I've never had witness while galumphing. We've ruined galumphing. It's just a nightmare. 22. What do you expect? You look around the garden and it appears to be exactly as it seems. I will say what you notice, however, is that though there are blue roses all over this place,

The roses on the right and left sides of the fountains, the blue roses on the right and the red roses on the left that are climbing up this Jabberwock and intertwining with each other and almost at war with each other. There is something different about them.

You can't quite put your finger on what it is, but it's almost as if when you're looking at them through these spectacles, you see a halo around each one of the roses on either side. A prism that you notice as you take them on and off, it disappears when you don't have the glasses on. Mm. This is like when you're wearing 3D spectacles at the movie theater and there's those five rays. Okay, okay.

I'll make note of that, but I'll continue to listen to the ridiculous conversation of my friend. Okay. Get-- What are you doing? But we're going to move on from that. Oh. Before you do that, let's just make sure nobody's watching in case we're not supposed to do this. There's a door right over there. Is there a window in the door or is it a total-- Just give me one second. Yeah, why don't you just open the door? I'm not going to open it. I'm just going to walk to the door and just try to listen.

to see if I can hear anything on the other side. You walked the door, and what you notice is there is no handle on this door. Oh. It is a large,

curved or arched wooden door. And it has the metal brackets that go down from the top and the bottom. But they are very clearly the twisting thorny vines of roses. And you see carvings, woodland scenes all over this door. Almost like a

beautiful fantasy forest. As you look over this door, you see depictions of mermaids bathing in waterfalls. You see a unicorn cooling itself by the water. You see pixies flitting about on large flowers, dancing in the rain. You see just depictions of what appear to be

say what you would equate to imagery from children's fairy tale books. Ooh. And roll a perception check. You can hear very muffled music coming from the other side of the door. Ba-ya-ya-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Nice scene. I always really like that scene. You press your ear to the door, and at first you hear nothing. You slowly make your way down towards the bottom, to the very small place between the ground and the edge of the door, and you attempt to listen in, and for a second,

you feel like you hear childlike laughter. Oh god. I don't say anything. I'll startle and take my head away from the door, and then I'll put it back to see if I still hear it. That's all you heard. And I just look around. "I think you're good, kid." Yeah, all right, well. "Let her rip." So what do we think, just cut the head off? I mean, if this is a riddle. By the law of riddle kind.

Yes. All I can tell you, if this sword shatters and I lose my only opportunity to act like Angio from Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core where I have a giant broadsword on my back but all I ever do is never use it and just punch people, I'm gonna be very upset. AHH!

Roll an attack and advantage, please. Oh! I don't mind. You didn't use a sword. He's a fighter. He's fizzing with all weapons. Oh, wow. That twice! Jabberwock knees, no!

Your voice echoes throughout the temple. Jaberwock, deez nuts, deez nuts, deez nuts. As you swing this sword through the air-- A tear comes to Riko's eye. You can hear

the sound of the blade swoosh through the air the same way that you would hear a normal blade swoosh through the air, not a blade of stone. The way that this sword feels in your hands as you bring it down against the stone neck of the Jabberwock feels like the way a sword should feel. And the sickening slice that rends the air as not a crack,

but an actual slice happens at the neck of this Jabberwock. You see a clean cut of stone. This is not flesh, but this sword has rendered the neck of the Jabberwock as if it were, and with a loud splash and kapunk, the head of the Jabberwock is cut open.

lands into the water at the base of the fountain, and then immediately you begin to watch as thick white paint begins to spill out of the severed neck of the Jabberwock and begin to fill up the fountain. It's gone? With loud glup, glup, glups, the paint

viscous and thick spills out into the fountain, mixing with the water that was in there, thinning it out into a beautiful white gesso-like paint. Oh man, don't worry about it, I told you guys it was going to get messy! Oh my god. That actually is what could have been me! That's graphic. That was a clean cut! Well done, Gollumph.

You have to galumph now. You have to galumph away, though. Oh yeah, all right. I turn away from the statue. Oh, 2GGG degrees! And walk away. I spin in a 360. Time to galumph. So basically, the 360's all the way around. No! I drop trowel. Here we go! I'm kidding, I don't want to do that.

I was waiting. Someone stop me! Please! Is the paint flowing ongoingly? Yes. Almost like--

Backing up, was the fountain already fountaining water? No. It had water in the base, but there was no water coming from anywhere else. It was still, and it was beautiful and crystalline. We're going to get GRD up. And now is it starting to flow and fill? As the paint is pouring out of the severed neck of the fountain,

of the Jabberwock statue. It is beginning to rise, but it is mixing with the paint, and what had been this very thick, viscous paint is now thinning with the mix of the water, and it's becoming...

None of you are artists, but similar to paint that you would paint with, should you be into that sort of thing. I spin away from the statue after doing a 360, and I just leap from where I was slightly elevated back to the ground, like away from the water.

Do my best galumph to galumph away from it. I would like you to roll performance check at disadvantage because you don't have your-- I've got no galumph! You have no-- You have no jam, you have no buy. No way. Oh, I thought you were going to say third one.

You've lost your ability to dance. The actual real galump is just that picture of John Lennon doing that weird walk. Galumphing's all I know. 13 with a plus zero. With a 13, you imagine that you have, you're not galumphing, but you might galump.

but it's not a full galumph. You forgot the H, kid. Well, get up here and help me galumph! You know I can't galumph on my own. I think galumphin's just you trying to dance in your current state. Just try that. Oh, you think I just kind of dance? It's like dance away, but with the way that you dance, it'll be galumphin instead. Wait, don't we have to retrieve its head? Look, that's galumphin! Look, you know what? Mystical statue, ain't that galumphin? Frost mentioned its head!

Oh! I galumph back to get its head. You do? Roll a performance check, straight, for galumphing forward and retrieving the head. Unbelievable. Nice! It's natural 20. That's outrageous. 20, 20, 13, 20 tonight for you? Can you roll a d2 for me? Can't get a 20 on that. I can't get a Kraken symbol, though. I'm hoping for the edge.

It's a one. Okay. You make your way around the left side of the statue, out of the fountain, as you are galumphing. It is...

It is horrible to watch, to be honest. Without his ability to dance, this thing that he's doing is-- it's worse than watching Bernie at Weekends at Bernie's. He looks like he has no muscles in the top half of his body, as he just jerks and shakes this way and that. This is worse than watching Weekend at Bernie's. He eventually

flops his body forward and slams his hand down into the white paint and pulls the stone head of the Jabberwock out. And in doing so, as he pulls it up, his arm jerks wildly to the side, hitting the blue rose bush that's climbing up the statue. And four of the rose petals fall into the paint. And immediately you watch as the paint turns a beautiful shade of blue. - Whoa!

Well, that can't be real. You know. What in the hell? That was more wild than the luau at Richard Dryfox's house.

But is that more or less well done, not at Blue Jays? You can't even finish. Get in, Blue Jays. Nothing that's wrong. Don't finish that joke. Nothing that I finish. Get in. Do not finish that joke at that one Blue Jays house.

Out of curiosity, does anyone mind if I attempt to do the same with the red roses? Do we think it's going to turn purple or do you think it might have some other impact? Most of them are blue. So in the courtyard, the roses everywhere are blue. Okay. At this fountain on the-- I swear to god, you do that too fast. I'm sorry, I'm done. At this fountain on the right side,

Wait, you said one. What? You rolled a one, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, on the two? Yeah. On the d2. So that should have been left. Anyway, we're pretending like you went right. On the right side is where the blue roses were. And on the left side are where red roses are. It's the only place in this entire oasis that you see roses of any other color. And they are sprouting out of the ground immediately after

on the left and right side of the statue, and they are climbing up the statue on both sides, specifically the portion of the Jabberwock. And they are reaching towards the top. You see that the vines are actually intermingling. It's almost as if these roses are at war.

fighting for dominance over the statue. Oh. When, I probably wouldn't notice this, but when the roses were knocked off of the display into the water and the water changed, does the display look like it's leaning any kind? No. Okay. Don't look like the display changed at all. Nope. I'm gonna give it a try. And I'll go to the left side, and I will attempt to pull one

A whole rose head. A rosebud, yeah. A rosebud off of one of the vines. It's easy enough to do. Just a rose. And I will take four of the petals and I will sprinkle it into the fountain. As the first petal drops, you begin to see the color of the paint in the fountain change. And after the fourth petal drops, it is a beautiful purple paint that now sits in the base of this fountain. Well, nice thinking, Frosty.

But Mr. Crammy, what does this have to do with the elder beans of Virginian sales? What? What? What the fuck are you talking about? The elder beans of Virginian sales. Torbeck's just talking about what Mr. Crammy's been talking about. The elder beans of Virginian sales? Virginian sales! You've said it a thousand times! Oh, no, you're thinking of the Elden Beast of Viridian Scale. Yeah, that's what this thing is. That's what Torbeck says!

That's not even close to what you said. Well, it's pretty close, to be fair. I mean, he's right there. We're three out of five on wrong words. Give me the head. The head of the-- Is it covered in white paint? Is it the head of the Jabberwock? Oh yeah.

Come here! Why? Now that I have been gloved upon, I've come for your soul. No! It's the elder means of Virginia's sales! Crack it! Leave for me!

- No, please! - It literally looks like the Beetlejuice face statue. - Yeah, no, that's exactly what it looks like.

Oh man, that was a good one, little green. I chased Torbek around. I'm completely covered in white paint now. Unless you've ever turned blue before you got it. You're making Torbek's RPS worse! Do we think that we need to make it one color or the other? Do we need to paint something, perhaps? Perhaps that door. Well, maybe we have to

I don't even know. I mean, yeah, we paint the doors like a paintbrush anywhere. Do we? Presumably we could use the roses.

We didn't try the door, I mean, just to see if it's open. Like, this is a door, you know? It don't look anything-- Welcome to Esmer. There's no handle on it. I just figured it would open automatically once we did the right thing, like all the other doors. Honestly, oh, sorry, it's just me, Ygritte. Okay. Now look, you'll see that I paid him.

"Gricko's ghost? AHHHHHH!" "I look like the funky Phantom!"

Oh my god. I'm out of ideas because I thought it was going to open as soon as you beheaded the Javawog. Well, let's just see if it's a push door. I mean, maybe it's just like that. I mean, go on, Trace, go on. It does not budge. You could roll a 40 and you could tell at this point this door is not going to budge.

I guess you didn't glump well enough, Gib. Ugh, stupid door! All right, well, it ain't glumpin', or openin' either.

That's because it's a pull door, not just a... Have we tried just knocking and asking politely? I just punched a whole bunch. Why do we always have to break and enter? Well, this is kind of because we're like criminals. That's all we know, Toolbag. One day I would just like to enter. Can we not change? Must this pattern

of criminality continue into eternity? I mean, I guess you weren't around the carnival as much as me and Frosty, but you kind of get, like, used to it, right? Like, when we first went, like, Frosty and I were like, no, we're not criminals. Yes. And then Cremmy was like, ah, what do you guys want to be and eat? And Frosty and I was like, oh, bacon and eggs? That's delicious. Oh, man.

I remember the first time. And Brody was like, oh, I would love to join you for breakfast. And then it ended up being Breaking and Endering. And then once you do it the first time and you break the seal, it's kind of hard to stop. Yes, because we're guppable now. We would be... Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Can we not grow and change and become better people? I'm sure we could. It's just like, you know...

Give me two good reasons. It's so much fun the other way. That's good reason one to not do it. I'd given up on that hope long ago, Torbeck. Okay. That being said, I'm going to endeavor to paint the door. I think that that's...

Something to try. I'll go on ahead. Hootsie's also very good at painting with her paws. Well, Hootsie, if you'll join me, I'm going to paint using the blue roses. That's very cute. Oh, Hootsie, you should do it! Help Uncle Frosty paint! And Hootsie will walk over and she'll look at the roses and she'll snap off a little one and mimic Frost with her beak. And then she'll think for a moment, drop the rose, and just dunk her paws into the purple paint. I'm going to take one of the

full blue roses, and I'm going to snap it off at the twig, so to speak, and I'm going to use that to dip it in and create a brush. I'm assuming it continues to stay purple, but if I'm using-- It does. Okay, so, come on, Hootsie. Oh, good job, Hootsie! And Hootsie's going to Circus Bear walk forward and join Frost and just lean forward and smear, "Oh, you are so good, Hootsie! You can even stay in the

She's just the best, ain't she, lads? She's just the best. Oh, you're doing great, too, Frosty! You and Hootsie begin to paint the door. It takes about ten minutes to cover the door completely in purple paint. I stay right in the lines. Hootsie does it. It looks beautiful. There is paint everywhere.

And as you step back to admire what you've done, you hear no sound of the door moving or unlocking or anything like that. And then slowly you begin to watch as the wood absorbs the paint and it returns to its umber brown. Hmm. Was that like a good job or was that like you fucked up, that's not part of the riddle? Maybe you didn't like that color, you know? I mean, it seems, I don't fucking know. Well, then we might have to

Try and change the color to some one of the binary, uh, perhaps red or blue? Well, what about, how about this? Look, you know, you got blue roses over here, and you got red roses over there, and they're kind of like fighting. What if we make them all purple, you know, bring them together? Bring, make all the roses purple? Yeah.

Oh, make the garden unified! Yeah, none of this strife-- Like red versus blue. Why do we gotta fight? Let's be best mates and all be purple. Well, haven't you noticed all the other stuff around here is blue? Like, what if it just wants blue? We're not pulling the bed out of that, I don't think. Well, we didn't-- I mean, I dipped this like a paintbrush, but I'll go to one of the blue roses. I'll grab four more petals and I'll sprinkle those in and just let that happen.

It becomes a darker purple. Try taking the red petals out. Try dipping the white rose of your sword into the paint. That's a good idea, Frosty. It's going to turn purple. ♪ A legend of fall ♪ Sploosh! As it erupts from the paint. I was doing something different. You pull the sword from the paint and purple paint drips from the rose.

and then disappears as the rose absorbs the color. Where there had been a colorless rose, there is now a beautiful, vibrant purple that begins to unfurl and bloom as if it's really a true rose, and you feel in your hand as it thrums and shakes and vibrates, and you watch this thing as the prism of color shifts along the stone blade, and then it begins to shrink.

and shrink and shrink until where you had been holding a blade, you are now holding a key. A key whose end is shaped like a rose. One end is shaped like a rose, the other like a heart. And then you hear what sounds almost like a soft click, and your attention is drawn towards the door, where now, marring its surface is only one thing, a keyhole.

Holy shit. If Goofy and Sephiroth are on the other side of the door, I'm bored after this. I know that you said you wanted a crisis call, but you've got Kingdom Hearts. Don't worry, the story's just as nonsensical. It's unbelievable. Blade that's changed into a key? I think I'll call it a blade key! This is so cool!

Torbek is very glad that this worked, because if Torbek's learned anything about adding red to blue, you can never get that out. Trust Torbek. You know a lot of little things, don't you? You're full of wisdom, Torbek. Don't hide that in a bushel.

Well done, Frost. That's a good fucking idea. That was a great idea, Frosty. Man, I kind of missed the sword. Yeah, what's up with the sword? Yeah, well, man, at least I got this key now, I guess. It's a blade key. Oh, a blade key, yeah. You can use the blade key. Let's go unlock this door, see what's over here. You didn't hear anything over here, did you? Nothing's going to jump out at me. Like, snap me up. Okay, well, I got nowhere.

No worries, then. Make sure you snicker smack it. Just the cries of doomed children. What? What are you saying? That was all about him. He says, as you hear the lock click, the door immediately opens and you are all blasted with a, once again, prism of rainbow light. You are awash in this light. You shield your eyes against it at first

and you try to adjust to this new space. You feel warmer than you had. That breeze is gone. The scent of foliage is no longer present, but scents of flowers and woods and fire. And as your eyes adjust, you hear, "What are you doing in my room?" And as you all look over, you realize that you are in what looks to be a tower room.

large stone circular room that is bedecked in beautiful things. Pastel colors everywhere, yellows, blues, purples, pinks, greens. And you see that off on one side, there's a luxurious four-poster bed in lace and velvets.

but the size of a child. You see that there are toys littered all about the room. The rug in the middle of the floor is in the shape of a chubby teddy bear. And sitting on it, in a beautiful purple princess dress, is a small girl. She has dark hair,

and piercing green eyes. She looks out at you with chubby cheeks, rosy and happy. Sitting in front of her, you see that she has a strange plush that immediately catches your eye, Kremi. It appears to look like a cute stuffed version of the beast that you just beheaded in the garden previously.

and she is holding it almost as if it's bound to attack as you look to see what it is that she is playing with. And in front of her, she has this clearly stuffed version of the Jabberwock as it fights against a knight made of wood atop an owlbear steed, a knight made of clay atop a catablepis steed, a knight made of glass upon a displacer beast steed.

A knight made of bone atop a hellhound steed. And a knight made of metal atop a unicorn steed. And as you all stand there and look around, you realize that door that you just entered is gone. There's no door behind you. The only door that you see is off on the other side of the room right next to the fireplace. Which is, there's a fire roaring in the hearth. As this girl once again looks up at you. What are you doing in my room?

Did you come to play? I look behind, is that the damned child that I saw? Don't call me a damned child. Do you watch your mouth? Not like, I mean like damned as in like-- Don't curse in here. Oh, I apologize. Grandmother would be so upset if she heard you say that.

"Is this real, fellas? "Have you all seen this, or am I just-- "I'm selling drugs." Of course I'm real! That's not very nice. You come into my room and tell me I'm not real. Hey, what's your room doing in where we are, like in the middle of the desert? Inside of my castle. Well, it's not really a castle, but I am in the tower, so it's kind of like I'm a princess in the castle. "Those are some nice toys you have there." Thank you. "My name is Morning Frost. "What is your name?" Oh, my name's--

Grandmother says it's not a good idea to tell people your name. She calls me Morgana. Morgana? Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Morgana. Well, we are so sorry for being rude, and yet it's a pleasure. It's a pleasure to meet you, too. And she stands up and she curtsies. I'm Princess in here. We're sorry to intrude. We didn't know we were entering your room when we walked through the door we just came through. You didn't walk through the door. The door's over there. The door we just came through. You said we were in a tower, right?

We're not in the middle of a desert in a weird temple? No. What? She points to the window and you can see that you're clearly up very high in some sort of tower, and that sprawling out for miles are beautiful verdant woods. Ooh.

I look again at the toys. Can you describe them again for me? She was currently holding the Jabberwock, which is a big stuffed Jabberwock. And it was clearly readying itself to attack what appears to be a front line of knights atop steeds. There's an Owlbear Steed, which houses a Knightmaid of Wood.

There's a Catablepith Steed, which houses a Knight made of clay, a Displacer Beast Steed that houses a Knight made of glass, a Hellhound Steed, which houses a Knight made of bone, and a Unicorn Steed, which houses a Knight made of metal. That was very fast. I got Catablepith. Made of clay. And clay, and then the bone is-- We'll fill you in later, Frosch. Displacer Beast is glass.

Hellhound is bone. Hellhound, Jesus. Unicorn is metal. Badass. How many times have you listened to that fucking poem, Frost? You still need help with this? Unbelievable. Well, could you clear us up from the paint? We don't want to jerk paint on all these lovely toys. Are we still covered in paint? You are not covered in paint. Never mind. Well, little Morgana, my name is Gritko, and this is my daughter, Hootsie, and she would love to play.

She's quite large. She looks like she would destroy all of my pretty things. Oh, well, you know, that's okay. No, it's not okay. These are the toys of a princess. You're not very good at sharing. I've never had to share. Well, I got to share once. I used to have a best friend, you see. Oh, and what, they just left you because you weren't good at sharing? It's not very nice. Well, I mean... Grandmother doesn't want me to see the little prince anymore.

Little Prince, eh? No. What's his name, this little prince? I told you it's not wise to give people your name. I'm the princess and he is the prince, and that's all you'll get from me.

"All right. "Well, Morgana, it was a pleasure. "It's a pleasure to meet you. "Do you know where we are? "Do you know where this beautiful tower's located?" Yes, you're in my home. "No, but where's the home located?" What do you mean? "Like where? "Where are we presently outside?" If we were to leave your home, what would be beyond-- "I don't know. "Grandmother brought me here because she says "it's not safe to leave the tower. "If I knew where I was, I'd be at risk "of letting people know how to find me.

Dormag's starting to think that that door over there is locked. Well, fortunately, we have a blade key. Ooh, we have a key. Wait, why would people be trying to find you? I don't know.

She says I'm very powerful, even for my age. Do you want to see something cool? Yeah. Yeah! Roll a d8. I step back. Tormek also has people looking for Tormek, and Tormek is also very powerful! Well, four. Four.

She looks towards you and she raises her hand and she begins to make this motion. See, look, I'm like a witch in the woods. And you watch as she begins to generate strands of this dark purple magic and she's pulling it almost like taffy as she is

moving it around and slowly swirling it into a beautiful orb. And she looks almost entranced by it, as if the magic is almost overcoming her. And then she looks up, almost as if remembering what she was going to do, and she hurls the orb towards you. You feel it collide with your chest, and immediately you begin to change. You feel your body

become wooden and jointed and just like the twig strapped to your back you become a marionette intent on telling fairy tales. Just suddenly now like are you toppled over by twig? Yeah. Oh my god.

Do you do this? Yes, I told you I was really powerful. Oh my god. Can you undo this? Can you fix him? Well, if I wanted to, but he was kind of stuffy and mean, and now he's a toy, and toys are fun. Are you okay? Once upon a time, I was not okay. Oh god, he's speaking in riddles. Gideon, are you okay? There was a group of people traveling through the woods,

She plops to the ground and she starts to watch you. I love a good story. Well, sit on down, because I got a tale to tell you. Once upon a time-- Gentlemen, while Gideon is speaking to the girl, I suggest we look around and get a sense of anything else in this room. Roger that.

I'll nod, and I'll just sort of, while he's entertaining the princess, "Well, yeah, we'll investigate the room." They had to unlock the door to darkness. Roll a group investigation check.

As soon as you start to look around, Torbjörnk will look at Frost and just say: What? You're interrupting my story! And she hurls a purple orb straight at him. Torbjörnk is sorry. And then we had to lock the King of the Mice behind the door so that he could fight back the wave of darkness. And that is where we'll end the story.

Is that a four roll? Absolutely perfect. You feel your body begin to change, Torbek, as where had once been this monstrous, disgusting bugbear, you now see in front of you a small cowboy doll that believes he's got a snake in his boob. Do I change size? Yeah. Am I like-- Yeah, you're about a foot tall maybe.

Well, shucks happened. What does Torbek have here? Torbek doesn't want to alarm anybody, but there's a snake in Torbek's boot. Torbek, will you keep the snake inside the boot? We've talked about this. Yeah, keep the snake inside. What the fuck am I looking at?

Torbek's not real sure, but the snake does run all the way down Torbek's pant leg. Just listen to the nice story that's being told by Wooden Gideon. Tiny... Yeah, they're gonna introduce a bunch of characters that are actually technically already dead. Oh.

Huh. And they all have different colored hair and you're going to forget all of them? Well, shucks howdy. Torbent. It is a terrible story, but-- No, listen, once upon a time-- That's not very nice. Why are you saying such horrible things to your friends? Oh, I'm just speaking the truth. It's not, you know, I mean, did you listen to that? Yes, I loved it.

Thank you. I don't like what you are right now, and she hurls a purple-- What are you gonna-- What are you gonna do? She didn't know all that, me? Says goblin, transformed by a witch. Roll a d8 for me. What are you gonna do, turn me into a noob? Ah, Kuriko, you really tore back to this one. A eight.

Let me know if I need to reroll. You don't, that hasn't been taken yet. But I'm gonna have you, I'm gonna dread you, 'cause I want you to, I wanna try and get you something else. You can just sign whatever you want. I could, yeah, but I'm gonna dread you first. Let's just dread you, yeah, let's burn the dreads until you get what you need. Seven. No, you can't do a seven. Oh. That one I won't allow you. I got seven, seven, seven, I draw a prize, one. One's already been taken by ol' little Torbek over here.

You become a clown, happy and filled with joy. Torbjorn would call this a little bit of serendipity. I spoke too soon. I'm filled with joy and serendipity, little girl. Is it your birthday? Oh, to be a clown. Why--

Why are you towering over me like that? Oh, what do you mean? Oh, is it like Fulgun's house? Yes. Oh! Yeah, I was definitely thinking like a little bit better. Oh, to be a clown! What's your favorite animal, little child? I like this creature, and she holds up the, she holds up the,

The stuffed animal of the Jabberwock. But before it came, whatever this is now, this creature scares me. Without the little prince here, I don't know how to defeat it. His knights don't work if he's not around. And he can't defeat it without his knights. He can't have one without the other. I'm pleased to tell you that... So he gets stronger. Oh.

and he will overtake everything if he's not stopped. Oh, that's a good story, little girl. Only a lot of balloons.

Well, Torbeck once knew a guy that would call this fella highly marketable. Also, Torbeck is very certain that that is definitely the elder beans of Virginia sales. I'm, like, scared. I'm, like, backing up, but, like, I got a 17 on my investigation check. I'm looking around at Morgana. Morgana.

Speak again with your new marionette friend. He can tell you a story of how he once defeated a Jabberwock. You defeated a Jabberwock? Without the little prince and without his knights? Once upon a time, just because I had this story tuned up. Once upon a time, when we're talking about someone who was so powerful he couldn't be stopped, let me tell you the story of the three little piggies. I would love to.

Well, let me tell you, so did the-- Excuse me, what are you doing rummaging around my room? Hey, that's very rude, man. I'm in the middle of a story. That's not yours to touch. And she hurls a purple orb at you. I need you to roll a d8. God, Zooks, I stepped on the snake! Tormek accidentally stepped on the snake!

How does that hurt you? You become a mime. I'm not investigating, I-- Oh no, the spell didn't work properly. I didn't make him a toy, I made him boring. More boring than he already was. Oh, why does your neck move like that?

Oh, it's me, the Jabberwock! I'll have spent five minutes tying together a mini ballooned Jabberwock approximation, if I'm able to do that with my new clown body. Yeah. I kill your friend, the little prince, who'd gone and gobbled up forever, and you shall never see him again, Kaloo Kaleo from today! My darnation! Why would you say that?

The little prince is just gone. He's with his family. I'm just not allowed to see him because Grandmother says that I can't. Oh! He's not eaten. Then we'll eat your grandmother! The Shuggler isn't real! What? He's not real. He can't hurt me. Wait, what did you say? You said that thing's not real? It's what I tell myself. No, I've seen it. Without-- no, it's not real! No, it is. It's very real.

Oh, you don't want it to be real. This is why Grandmother doesn't want me to leave the tower. We'll eat your grandmother, too. We'll kill her dead so you can be free. I'm all

Kill her dead just like the three little pigs when the wolf showed up with his flamethrower. And let me tell you, not one house made of straw, not one house made of wood, or not one house made of whatever the hell else you could find could withstand the mighty power of the flamethrower 4000. Turn it into a monster. And then the wolf kicked.

the doors in but he didn't even need to do it because he had the flamethrower in hand and those piggies that's all you could hear as each and every hut went up in a burst of flames oh they ran and they hid and they scurried then they all got into one house but that just fed the fire in the wolf's heart's desire and then he burned it down and you know what they had

pork belly. It was pretty delicious, and that's where we'll end the story. That sounds like a luau at Richard Dreifunk. They cook three whole pigs each time. It's a tradition.

Between the two of you, that story was really brilliant. Your storytelling was so riveted. I'm no longer scared about the awful things you were saying as she hurls an orb of purple light directly at you. Oh, it's not-- ah! I usually roll a d8. Yeah, well, bacon will fix just about anything. Oh, damn! Is four taken? No. I was four. Yes, four is taken. Three?

No, three is not taken. You become a potato person. All of your limbs and facial features magically attach to you. They also randomly fall off. What's the big idea? Oh! Oh no, what's happened to me? Is this a real toy? This is the worst toy I've ever seen.

Ignore him, little girl. If you got one of these things on Yuletide morning, you'd be very disappointed in old Holly King, let me tell ya. I don't like the way you're talking to me. Why not? You friendly clown! Don't you like clowns, little girl? Look at me with my balloon jabberwock.

Now I think I'm frightened of them. You did this to me! You did this to me! You brought this upon yourself! She throws another purple orb at you.

I need you to roll, I need, hold on. We've done that, we've done that, we've done that, we've done that. I need you to roll a d3. Old Torbec's now seen just about everything. Mr. Cramming turned into a tater tot. How will we bake your grandmother into a-- What do I roll? A d3. What the fuck would wham with something tacky like this?

Fucking tacky mustache and a tacky hat. Is there anything a little more spiffy than that? I'm going to try to shit out like the clothes. I guess my back flap will open. Does anything come out? Yeah, you're filled. Oh, man. Classic Bowler dream. Now we're talking. Hey, you got a little pencil thing? Oh, hey. Like Ricky Ricardo.

Oh! Oh, do they have any like, pomades slicked back, you know? Man! Oh, like the Rat Pack, here we go! It's the Saints of Newark, hey! I put on like a black sheen combback haircut, and I will put on whatever fine top hat that I find. Yeah, you do that. Oh right, and that with Hawking. I got a two on my d3. You become a princess fit for a tea party.

Oh, that's so much better. Do I look like Gricko? What do I look like? Yeah, you look like Gricko, but in a beautiful pink princess dress. I'm Princess Goblinette! I'm the girl one! This is so much better. Oh! I'm more magical power as being the girl! Oh! Little Princess McGonagall, shall we

tea and crumpets? Oh, let us enjoy! Let me pour it for you. She leads you over to a little tea spa where there are two seats. She pours the fake tea in the little girl's tea set. She provides you with what is clearly a wooden crumpet.

She is engaging with you in this. Oh, Caloo Calay, what a frugious day. A little treat. No, no, don't actually drink it. It doesn't, no. Oh, you have. It's not meant for drinking. Oh, it tastes like polypropylene. It's meant for drinking.

Uh oh. I don't like you either. She pulls another purple orb at you. Uh oh.

Hey guys. Roll a d2 for me, please. Torbek doesn't want to alarm anyone, but the snake in the boot is missing. Are you telling me it's a real fucking snake? Well, Torbek is not sure. Torbek has an impending sense of doom and can no longer find the snake. Is this like a trouser snake, or is this like a cookie spaghetti kind of snake, or is this like a real fucking venomous kind of snake? From a certain point of view, you know what I'm saying.

That's all. Oh god. As you're having this conversation, Frost is miming as he is become mime. And then as this purple orb hits his chest, you watch as he begins to shrink and shrink and shrink. His hands, which had been

cat-like hands begin to form this strange shape as his arms and shoulders become jointed where any genitals or butt crack would be. It is now completely flat as he, as clearly Morgana has had enough. And Torbek, and Frost becomes a 12 inch or 11 inch plastic doll.

You can talk, though. Oh. This is very strange.

I would say for the sake of this, the personality that you have would be very similar to when you are the Eladrin. Oh! For some reason, I thought you were going in a Lego direction. All right. No, you're Ken. Now this is more fun. Come on, Brett, don't you join us for tea?

I love the Brett door. I was never able to get one when I wanted for my birthday because they were always so loud at the local shops. I'm so articulate. Have you ever mojo dojo cosser house? Well, let's find out. Can you open your ass? Oh, yes, do open your ass. Open your ass, please. What does it look like? My ass is already open. Have I fucking closed it? No, I haven't closed it. My ass is open.

"Yes, good potential, man!" Oh wait, I think the snake's in there! I open his ass like the trunk of a fucking Volkswagen Beetle. I fish around and I emerge from the other side in a what outfit? In a Mojo Dojo Casa house. You are able to pull what looks to be Ken's dream house out of

potato crummy vast. Oh, hey, oh, hey! You see that there's now this dollhouse there that has everything you could possibly want. Large fur coats, leather pants, necklaces, jewelry of all kinds. No, no, no.

Now, now, perfect. And I grab what is clearly like the entire red leather suit that Eddie Murphy wore in that one time. And I stretch it on, I pull it out, and my chest is all out. So what do you want to play? Not really anything, but what I'm trying to do now is just find a way to destroy the Jabberwock.

Well, we're all right here ready to back you up. How should we begin? I'm not sure because I haven't been able to defeat the Jabberwock since the little prince left. Do you know if it's got any weaknesses? Yes. Oh, any deep-seated fears or insecurities? Yes, the knights and the prince coming together as one. So we just have to work together. All right. High five!

Well. She reaches down and high fives you. Orbeck doesn't want to ruin the vibe here, but it certainly sounds like that it's high

Time would come up with a plan. Did somebody make a pot of gravy, maybe with a little bit of fettuccine or something on the side? I feel like I just lost 38,000 pounds. Sure, no problem. I go up the two floors.

I took the whole house out of my ass. Speaking of which, can you close me up? Give me a real place to fight this. This reminds me of a story as well, but it ain't no fairy tale. What did you do with Twig's body when he became a man? I mean, it was-- oh. You're back to back. Yeah, I mean, she would still be on me, I guess, unless I dramatically changed so much in size that she would've fallen off. You're about the same size as her.

I mean, I guess she would've just fallen off then, proportionally. Yeah, she'd be lying on the ground. That makes sense. So with that perception check-- A suplex on the ground! I'm in the chair! I'm going to turn her into splinters! With that perception check, you hear a squeal come from Morgana as you make way to the top floor of your Mojo Dojo Casa house. Why is the kitchen up here?

as you close your eyes. It's a pan with fettuccine painted on it. Hey! It's a sticker of fettuccine. What the fuck is this shit? But you hear a squeal from her as she rushes over and grabs the twig marionette and lifts it up into the sky. My twig puppet, wherever did you find her?

Well, let me tell you-- She's all wrong. What did you do to her? Why does she have this? What did I do to her? Let me tell you, once upon a time, she turned into a fucking marionette. And here's the-- No, she's always been a marionette. She reaches out and she once again begins to pull that purple magic. You watch as she's doing something. She's looking intently at the twig puppet.

And then you watch as the tendrils of purple connect to the face of this marionette as she channels the magic in. You see for a moment she looks almost angry at one point. I can't believe you would ruin my toy. And then the tendrils fade. Oh, better now. And as she turns her around, you see that where the two roses had been in her eyes, they're now just twigs eyes. Just wooden. Wow.

Whoa! Tell us more about your twig doll. We are very curious. Well, I'm curious as to where you got her from. Oh, well, it is a long story. War crimes were involved. I don't know what that is.

A great massacre of rabbit stews. But she's mine, not yours. She went missing long ago, and Grandmother made her for me out of the twigs from her blue rose bushes. All right. Torbjorn witnessed the whole house come out of Mr. Crummy's ass, and this is the most confused Torbjorn has ever been. I'm sorry, what? Tell me! Please, just continue, little miss.

I told you, she belongs to me. She's been missing for a long time. Grandmother tried to blame the little prince, said he stole her, but I don't think that's true. She just doesn't like him. And you said that your grandmamma made this lovely doll? Yes, she made her out of the twigs from her blue rose bushes.

That's why I named you Twig. All right, fellas, what do you think? We whack Grandma? Whatever you want. Hold on. You can't talk like that. We're talking about the power of friendship. We got to defeat the chat. But Grandma is keeping the poor little girl in chains, basically. She's not keeping me in chains. She's protecting me. How long do you think you've been here?

"I don't know, for a while now. "It's been a long time since I've had a friend. "I was really excited to see the five of you "and that dog show up here." What? What? Who's he looking at? "No, not the owlbear, that one." Does he mean me or Pat? MATT:

- Do you see what she's pointing at? Is she pointing at a dog? - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, spaghetti, my favorite. - I told you to stop eating the toys. - This is so hard, not a-- - Believe, don't you understand? Did you know if you think of something really hard, if you use your imagination, if you dream of something, if you focus really hard on your heart's desire, you can make it real.

Wait, you mean like right now, right in this room? Just in general. ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Nona's brashul, Nona's brashul ♪ ♪ Nona's brashul, Nona's brashul ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Nona's brashul, Nona's brashul ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jugs, bully jugs ♪ ♪ Bully jug

That's part of the reason Grandmother used to get so upset, is I would use my powers to create things with the Little Prince. He started to ask me to create things for him. I don't think she liked that very much. I feel like this is going to get sad. I walk over to the refrigerator and I pull out a tiny toy Coors Light.

I take off my jacket and I've just got a white beater on. That raises an interesting question. And quite frankly, Torbek wants to know why, if you can do that, you don't just leave. Because I can't.

You can't imagine this door just opening? Not anymore. I'm not sure why. Oh, that is so sad. Perhaps if Grandmama died, it would open-- Stop saying that! She's all the time-- Back to plan B, what do you think, fellas? You like your Grandmama, even though she keeps you imprisoned in this tower? She's not imprisoning me, she's trying to keep me safe. Well, look, let's say we were told to have a simple, short conversation with your grandmother. Where would we go about finding her?

And I guess you'd go out the door there. All right, fellas, let's go. Wait, wait, wait. What does she look like? Well, it really depends. Do you have a list of her fears? No. Just checking right now. I don't think Grandma is afraid of anything. Ah, damn. Wow, that's pretty interesting, I suppose. She sounds so

Be brave, I wish I had a grandmama like that for a doll. I wish you had a grandmama.

It's lovely to have someone who looks out for you and takes care of you and makes sure you're always okay. And that you have nice toys to play with. That is pretty nice. I swear that you love her so much for her keeping you captive in here. It's kind of like Stockholm Syndrome, which reminds me of this other story I know about Sleep Whitaker, who was kept by her as a female's name, I swear, and it was kept by her

her aunt or something and she couldn't get away, but she still kind of liked her and then she met a prince and some other stuff happened and she really liked her, but the moral of the story is she was really bad actually and we had to kill her. Is that the one with the long hair?

No, that's like, you know, Sleep Whitaker. Sleep Whitaker? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? You know, you never heard the story of Sleep Whitaker? No. I don't know why I'm doing that. No. You never heard the story of Sleep Whitaker? Yeah. What are you talking about? When you raised in a fucking barn, your mom never told you the story of Sleep Whitaker? Yeah, no. She was like she had three sisters, you know, and they were making her do all the chores and, you know. Oh.

Oh, I see what you're doing. Oh, that's charming. I burp loudly and throw a can to the kitchen floor and I go back over to the refrigerator.

You go over to the toilet and there's nothing there, but you pee into the toilet. The toilet doesn't have a concave hole. It has a sticker on it. And your beer is actually, you go and you fill it with water and it's the color-changing plastic. You see the mountains on the side. Oh, wow, this is really rare.

So we will speak to your grandmama and she will let you free of the children. You can try. I'm sure if you're, if you made it in here that she would want to talk to you since you've spoken to me. I'm going to be honest, as awesome as my new wardrobe is, I think that you should believe that we can- You're not wearing any pants. It's just a part of the monsters. Right? Yeah, that got really hot and sweaty like real fast.

Pleather? Yeah, yeah. I mean-- They have no breathability. Let me see if I can find something else. No. No. No. No. No.

I keep doing that. I just get distracted. It's all the same item as the scroll pad. It's all Frost's robe. Not this one, nah, nah. Not this one. All right, fellas, I think you go kill Grandma. Let's go, and I'll take a step and I'll-- Oh fuck! I'm going to topple over and all of my pieces are going to fly off and my eyeballs will be here, my mouth will be over here. Oh my god, this fella.

This is an Eldritch abomination. What is that like? I can feel everything still. I feel like I'm looking up and my eyes are pointing down. I didn't know we

- Remy, if we stuck your pieces into a tortilla, do you think you'd still animate like a nightmare and you don't even want to ask all the various questions that raises? - Look, just put me back together, but please don't put me in any weird configuration, like a normal potato configuration, all right fellas? I just need some help. - Let's Picasso this fuck. - I can see my mouth over here, my eyes are over here. - Are there any windows in this tower? - There's one window.

No time like the present. And Cowboy Torbeck will walk over to Kermit's eyes, pick him up and see if he can stick him out the window with a tower.

You hold him out of the window and, Cremmy, you can see him from my-- Oh my god! Fucking Vertigo fell in! Mr. Crem, what are you, potato? I see! Oh, it's spring-spinning! Whoa! Potato chips are coming out of his mouth on the floor. Yeah, that opens up in a plastic fruit. Potato chips.

Do I see anything down below? It plummets down hundreds of feet, eventually meeting the tree line. Even from up here, you can tell that these trees are massive. They're some of the biggest oak trees that you've ever seen. It is hard to know how many hundreds of feet it is from this window to the forest floor. All right, Toa Bek, I hate to say this, but drop my eyes.

I can see. My head's not spinning so much anymore. Maybe I can see past the trees if you drop my eyeballs down there. Oh, yes, good cowboy, please. As the children say, that I'm a child of Yeetil. Mr. Grammian. For real, from God.

Torbjorn's just got to make sure you're thinking straight, because once Torbjorn drops her eyeballs, there's probably a good chance we're not getting them back, or some critter's going to snatch them up. You only got one set of those. I'm looking at all your pieces. There's no other eyes here. No, I'm pretty sure there's like an angry eye set somewhere in this. I'll just pop those in once these are done. I don't know, Mr. Crammy, and as I go to pull the eyes back in, they get caught in the window, they fall out. Ah!

You watch the air rushing past you as the treeline gets closer and closer and closer and closer and closer. The eyes are spinning as they're curling through the air, gaining momentum as they're propelling towards the ground. They meet the treeline and the branches and twigs scratch at the wooden--

and begin to gouge them as it takes a while before eventually the eyes plummet face down into the earth. Cremmy! And all you see is darkness. What do your potato eyes see? Actually, let me roll for it to see if they're looking up or they're looking down. It's some kind of magical darkness down here. I don't see nothing. Aw, well go get the eyes back, Mr. Brave Cat.

Well, Torbjorn's not sure how that's going to work. Find me angry eyes and there's a big pile of shit over there and if it's not, just check my ass. Oh, please, Sir Cowboy, please check his ass. I'm not finding any eyes. Everybody stand back. Here we go. Heads up, Mr. Cruddy. Roll me over. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nope, nope, nope. I'm pretty sure-- I'm pretty sure-- I'm pretty sure-- Keep looking. They're definitely in there. Torbjorn is now shoulder deep. Woo! You are-- You search. Keep searching, man. You search and search and search. You do not find another pair of eyes. You remember seeing one.

and it seems like everything else is accounted for. You remember seeing surprised eyes, sad eyes, happy eyes, but none of those eyes seem to be present any longer. Don't give up, Sheriff, just keep looking. Well, Dormbeck's looking like a fool. There ain't no eyeballs in this ass! Good effort, and my two hands are going like this. Good effort. You're killing one!

You know, if Torbjörn was a Torbjörn, Torbjörn could be pretty pissed. Good thing you're not. Not still in there. Are they hiding somewhere else? Maybe they're in this house. There's so many rooms I've yet to explore. I go into the only other room that I can go into. It's a living room. Oh, the tube. Oh, yes!

The pro pro-- Oh, it's a pro pro! It's just a palm tree-- I love this one! All right, well, I can't see anymore. Torbjorn certainly saw at least four pairs of eyeballs, and now they're nowhere to be seen. Can somebody put me back together, please? Even if I can't see, I can feel around, you know?

Anybody? I put them back together. Can you roll a performance check to see how well you put them back together? I'm busy at my tea party!

Well, with a plus zero, I've rolled a four. The arms are a little bit too close to his back, so they're sticking out towards his back. They're not quite symmetrical, so one is a little higher than the other. I can't really tell where the tapia is, so I think your ears go here. You stuck both of the feet in a little too far, and so he's much more squat than he had been.

In an attempt to give him eyes, you put two of the ears where the eyes should be. You pick the largest nose that's possible. Let me borrow that mustache pen you got here. I'll get you some eyes. You vaguely remember him saying something about a mustache, so you get the largest handlebar mustache you can possibly find. Oh, not the tacky one. Oh, jeez. And a bowler hat.

I'm just back to how I was. Hey, you guys! Oh, you look wonderful, Mr. Potato. Yeah, they suck. Cranium. That's for sure. Well, so we will defeat the Javawalk and free you after speaking with your grandmama. Well, I think.

There is something grandmama seems to be worried about. She won't tell me. She just says you cannot see that boy anymore. I mean Morgana. You cannot see him. And you will stay in this tower because it is where you are safe. She also told me not to talk to my sisters. And I shouldn't say this, but she says I'm her favorite. Well, it's not nice to have favorites. I know.

when it comes to children. But I have a favorite. The little prince is my favorite, and he's a child just like I am. Hey, quick question there, little girl. Are your sisters real ugly-looking broads? Really hag-looking characters, you know?

"I don't call them ugly. "They're much older than I am." How old, like older than dirt? "In varying degrees. "One of them is almost, well, "looks almost as old as grandmama. "I don't think she is. "Another is older, but not quite so old, "and the other is younger, but not quite as young as I am. "I'm the baby, you see."

So she fell off of the Ugly Tower and hit every brick on the way down. That's what I'm saying. Color Torbic unsurprised. I see. So how do we talk to Grandmama and have her solve all of our problems for us? Well, I don't know if she will do that, though I do think that she's powerful enough to. Oh,

"Grandmother can do so many things, "and I'm learning every single day. "She says I'm getting so strong, "way stronger than she ever could imagine "a girl of my age could be. "I think that's why I'm her favorite. "I have raw, natural talent and power," she says. Well, if you were really that powerful, I bet you couldn't turn us back, I mean-- "Oh, I could, but I won't. "If you want to see grandmother, though, "you can head through the door." Yep. "She's probably in her sitting room."

Torbjorn thinks we should be hitting the old, dusted trail. Partners, what do you think? Oh, I agree. Thank you so much for the lovely tea. Stop eating my wooden crumpets! And she pulls a partially eaten crumpet out of your mouth. Oh, and a lovely dish from the chippy mushy peas and...

- It's a curry sauce! - Where did that come from? - And soggy chips in it! - What was in there? - In it! - It's from my fridge, it's all in here. It's all the special collector's edition. - Lashings of salt and vinegar. - All right, little doggies, let's giddy on up. - All right, just, Torbjorn, hold on. Can you guide me? I can't see very well.

"What's this?" And I feel this, like, ring on your back, and I just pull it. Somebody's poison the water hole! What in toleration was that?! Oh, that's fun! I pull it again. I don't remember all the pieces! Little Timmy's gone in the well! Shucks howdy. Shucks howdy! Stop doing that! I might die of dysentery! The Torbeck didn't say anything about that!

Allegedly, I mean, you can just be controlled and do whatever I say. They're going to blow our hole! We'll blow up the ocean! Well, thank you so much for the tea for myself and Hootsy and all of us toys here. It was lovely meeting my new friends. Thank you for bringing my twig back to me. Oh no, we're taking her with us. You can't have her, she's mine.

I think the thing is that she's actually not yours, she's ours. My grandmother made her for me. Well, what if she just reminds you of the thing that she made for you?

Well, from a certain point of view-- No. --maritime salvage law dictates finders keepers and losers weepers. Not from a certain point of view. There seems to be a little confusion about who might own whose toys between the little prince, between the little princess, and of course, all of us. No confusion. This is my toy.

All right, we tried. She looks towards you, Gideon. What are you feeling right now? Oh man, I don't know. Confused? Yeah, confused, confused, confused, exactly. I don't know what the hell is going on. I don't know who's a heartless and who's a nobody and who's a regular. What the fuck does any of this mean?

That's how I feel. That's how I feel exactly. Do you genuinely believe that Twig belongs to the five of you? No, I think Twig belongs to no man. Twig belongs to herself. Get rekt. Greg, I would agree. Morgana, just like you're friends with your toys, we're friends with Twig. We need Twig to go and fight our own fights. Is it your heart's desire to keep my toy?

She ain't a toy, she's a person. You know, just like Schminocchio when he was talking to Jeremy Cricket. You know, and even though that guy was a total asshole, he helped him realize that, you know, he was a real boy all along and that's what Twig is, you know? I mean, she ain't a toy, she ain't anybody's property, you can't just keep her. So is it your heart's desire to leave here with Twig?

Well, yeah. She looks at you for a moment and you feel her eyes, her pupils dilate as she stares at you. The way that she's looking at you is knowingly, almost as if she's searching your very soul. Oh god, I think she's tripping out. This doesn't feel like the way a child would look at anyone. She feels almost adult-like as she stares at you. You may keep her. Hey fellas, what's in there?

You must protect her. Anything happens to Twig, you will all pay the price. Do we have a deal? She kind of protects us, but what is anything? Yes, we have a deal! That sounds wonderfully generous! I can be convinced! On behalf of Gricko, Grimgrin, Morningfrost, Gideon, Cole, Crummy, LeCru,

and especially Torbeck. Just Torbeck, we sign this pact. Lovely. Then you may exit the room and go seek grandmother. The bargain. Well, we're just collecting these deals like we're picking up posies. Wasn't Jeremy Cricket the guy they twig-whacked?

Was that Jeremy Cicada? That was Jeremy Cicada, yeah. Distant cousins. No, I just judge your moral character. And I find you very questionable. "Regatta, we will protect her. "She's our friend, too." I hope so. "Well, you have a lovely rest of your tea party, "and I hope you are rescued by your little prince, Sue. "Thank you. Good night."

Have a good evening. I'm going to take a nap. I've had a long day. I'm feeling cranky. Make a tree and get the fuck out of here. Good night, have a wonderful-- Sweet dreams. Sweet dreams. It was nice meeting you. Very sweet dreams. Keep Drake safe for me. Mm-hmm. I will get around with echolocation with my six ears that are pointing at us. And I will follow the gang. I will pull a--

a full night suit of armor out of the closet and I'll put it on and I'll clamp it down and I'll start to make my way out. It's made out of felt. Yeah, yeah. Wait up, you guys! Yeah, we tried to open the door. You make your way to the door. It's just a simple wooden door that you would see in any castle.

And you make your way towards the door and you reach for the handle and it opens easily as you step out into the hallway.

and then immediately you all feel yourself tumble on top of your heads, almost as if you've been flipped, the axis of the room completely flipped, and all of you fall and slam into the ceiling of whatever this room is, and you realize that you've all returned to your normal form. As you are trying to right yourself, as you get to your feet and realize that you are very clearly walking on the ceiling, as sand begins to

drip down against you and you wipe it off. Where is this coming from? You look up and you realize that there is a small hole that is just pouring tendrils of sand, but there is no room when you look up. There is curved glass and two big eyes that are looking in, an old wizened face.

And it moves this way and that as it begins to look and it taps the glass with a long thin finger. The nails yellowed as this feminine face looks quizzically at you. And then you hear, "You don't belong here, little ones. Not yet. No, no, no. Out of my hourglass."

and once again you spin and flip as all of a sudden you realize you are inside an hourglass and it's flipping once, twice, three times before the sand begins to pour and all of you feel the sand begin to cover you and then pure darkness.

as once again you feel flip, flip, flip three more times, flip, flip, flip three more times, and with this last one you feel yourselves moving through that tiny little narrow gully in the middle section of the hourglass and expecting to fall once again into soft sand at the bottom before being flipped again. You don't this time. As you find yourselves plummeting into a

pit of darkness, sand all around you as you just fall and fall and fall as darkness surrounds you, nothing but darkness, pure pitch, magical darkness. Eventually, the sand fades away and you see nothing. It's just the six of you, seven of you if you count Twig-- So Twig's still with us. She is still with you. Yeah, we took her back. Yeah, you took her. As you fall and fall and fall, and then eventually you hear a sound that

Only Kremi has heard once before the screech of a Jabberwock. And then you hear the flapping of wings, but it's too dark to see anything. And then all of a sudden you see a jet of flame off in the distance. You whip your heads that way trying to see it, but it's pure pitch darkness here. And you hear the screech again and the flapping of wings as you look the other way. And yet again, you see another jet of flame until eventually,

a pulsing orb of light appears around you from where you can't be sure as you find yourselves falling and falling and falling until finally you slow and you feel yourselves on what feels like soft forest floor. The trees all around you smell fresh. The smells like thither, though it's hard to tell and yet that

thwap of the wings can still be heard. With another piercing shriek, you hear the jabberwock somewhere behind you. You hear the sound of it sniffing, almost as if there's something on your bodies that it can smell. Some new scent, some proof of where you've been. As you find yourselves back in Thither, it's clear that you are not alone.

As once again, from behind you, you see a jet of flame just narrowly miss your heads as you all turn to look as the Jabberwock lands and I need you all to roll for initiative. It is-- You've got to be kidding me. Holy smokes.

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And so, just for clarification as to what happened, you walked into the room, because obviously I know that was narrative. You walked into the next room, which very quickly it became clear that you were not in a home. I would say it was very clear to all of you that once again you had been living in some sort of memory or some sort of captured moment in time that you were able to affect.

And that all of this had happened inside of an hourglass that was clearly being kept by some other being. A being that you are not familiar with. And this being spoke to you realizing you were in there and told you you did not belong here. And it is with the movement of the hourglass that this entity sent you back to Thither.

or so it appears, and that upon falling through the Sands of Time back to where you belong, that the Jabberwock caught your scent. You heard it sniffing loudly. It was very clear that something about you smelled in a way that set its sense to hunt, and that it took instant for it to find you where you are.

and it is here that you find yourselves, what you believe to be the forest floor of Thither, with the Jabberwock behind you, and we need the initiative. 20 to 25.

What the fuck, Mace? Dude, you're on fire. That's five. 23. Is it like 69? With a natural 20. That's five. That's five? Jeez. At least four, maybe five. I'm rolling them hard. Like hot fire. All right, let's get into some combat. Oh boy.

The Jabberwock beats its wings as it descends, and with a loud crunch, you hear the sticks of the earth break beneath its giant feet as its long,

neck twists this way and that, looking at each of you individually as it breathes in deeply and you can see its eyes alight with rage as it clearly smells something on you. It begins to, because of the nature of this combat, it does get to go first.

I would be surprised by that. I would say that we have a surprise condition. I don't know why I rolled a d4. I would say that's very-- We are surprised. It is going to use its main ability. It will move to the side of you where, yep, right there.

and you will watch as its eyes flash with this pure white hot light as it lets out a fiery gaze. It's going to emit an 120-foot, five-foot wide line from its eyes. It is going to emit fire as each eye, five and five, whoosh, directly through all of you except for Hootsy. I need you all to roll a dexterity saving throw, please. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, that's Realm of Viking, though.

Oh, let's go! Natural 20. Hey, welcome to the party. I got a 28. 24. Hootsie got a natural 20. Gricko did not do well. I could always use a shimmy shamble. I'll do one twist. Natural one. Digichat. Okay. That's fate. I'll find out how low this DC goes with a 17. 17. 16. Yeah.

We might be okay. I'm going to let it ride. I think it's 20. I'm resistant. We're going to start getting swishy smoked. This is going to be brutal. Even half damage is going to be like-- Yeah. You take 80 points of damage. Oh, well. 38 points of damage to anyone who got 17 or less. Half if you-- Half if you succeeded. 38? Mm-hmm. How much? Wait, the DC is 17 or 18? The DC is 18, so if you got 17 or less, you fail.

How much damage? 38. I'm almost dead. And I take half if I-- Yes, half if you pass. It is fire damage. 90-ish. Okay. That is half of my-- That's brutal, man. It recharges on a five or a six. Okay, it's not even on a six. Are you kidding me? Well, it's more than my max. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, it's nice knowing y'all.

Oh boy. Okay.

Where are we right now? We're in Thither? On the forest floor? Are we surrounded by forest on all sides and we're in an open clearing? You see that this line of fire has completely ignited you and that the trees on either side are scorched in flame. You watch as the leaves that came into contact with this fire from the Jabberwock's eyes have turned to ash.

The branches are crumbling, and just like your beard, these trees are glowing with the fiery ember. There's been significant devastation brought by the first attack by this Jabberwock. How far would you say we are from the tree line? You're in the middle of the trees. We're just going to smack dab in the middle of the trees. Oh, we're not even in a clearing? No. Just crash through and-- Oh my god.

We're fucked, everybody! It's so fucked! Holy! Give it, give it, give it, give it, give it, give it, give it, give it! Oh. I'll ignite into my flame form. The manacle is once again warring to life as the heat courses over my body and the red flame core comes to life. I will--

I will take the... Oh, here goes nothing! Fuck, somebody get Frosty up! I'll take the key and put it, like, hold it in my hand and put the, like, the heart's, the bladed heart's edge right in between my knuckles.

and just run straight at the Jabberwock and start throwing punches at it, aiming, if I can, I mean, if it's got a massive fucking neck, if I can reach it or try and hit it there, try and punch it with the key. This is a huge dragon. Its neck is very high up. I'm punching the body. But the way that it's moving, it's moving its neck almost like you would expect a snake. And as it...

As it lunges forward, you notice that there are opportunities where you would be able to punch directly into the neck, should you choose. All right. 22 to hit it? 22 hits. Okay, okay, standard, standard. I will do seven points of punching damage and six points of fire damage.

The damage that you do seems to be, the attacks that you make seem to do the proper amount of damage. You punch into the neck of this creature and you do see that it pierces a bit, having this key wedged between your fingers.

You see the way that the embers glow at your knuckles. The key lights up a bright orange. The heat from your genasi body infuses the key, and you almost brand the neck of this creature. You did seven punching, and how much fire? Six. Good job. You got spirit. It seems unfazed, though, by the actions that you're taking.

It does notice you. You see as it's leaning down, as if it is going to, almost licking its lips as its head whips down towards Frost. Oh shit. It is clearly looking as if there is something about Frost that it is drawn to.

but as you rush forward and you punch into its neck, it whips its head back towards you and it breathes in a deep breath as it lunges forward and it's going to, because it's doing a lair action-- It's jaws that might-- It is going to rend at you with one of its claws. Is that a legendary action?

Yeah, I'm just doing legendary actions because I don't want to have to do them between everything. So I'm just doing them on the count of 20.

and it is going to make-- You leave him alone, you big, dumb, ugly-- My organs! My most of me! Yeah, it's going to hit with a 25. Is he done? What is it, the claws that what? The claws that what? Snatch the jaws that way. I got snatched! I forgot to snick or snack! Fuck! Oh, fuck!

19 points of slashing damage as it rends your flesh. It's not good.

you feel its claws swipe into you, but it doesn't seem like its nails are going for your flesh. As you feel it swipe across your entire body and you watch as one of its claws comes away and clutched in its fist is the chess piece that had been given to you by the King of Hearts. What the, hey, that's mine, give that back! I'm gonna pull out my ocarina and go,

I'm on fire as a big spirit growling is going to appear above me and start to play a bongo tune that plays Donkey Kongo like Andy does on my shoulder, on my body. That's my bonus action. I am going to look down at Frosty and I will use my last third level spell slot to cast Cure Wounds. Actually,

Yes, cast Cure Wounds. Woo! And I will heal. I will do that. Get up, Frosty! And I'll actually do a bongo on Frost. I'll walk you out. So I just need to, I'll roll that while someone else goes. I guess I don't know if he... You have to wait because it's my turn next. Oh.

I'm not cheating. I'm not cheating. I'm not cheating. I'm just joking. So that is 14, 19, 22 plus. And they get like a grape ape sort of thing, don't they? Yeah, you do. Oh, grape ape. Thank you. Where's my fucking chalice? There it is.

Oh, you're 1d8. You double it, don't you? No, you cast it on a second target. Oh, you know, it's basically, so what was it? I said it was 14-- You were at 27 and three. Was it 21? 23 and then an additional six. So 29. 29 points of healing. Damn. That's it? That's a lot of healing, Frost. It will do well and has a third-level spell slot. Which everyone dealt 38 points of damage, so.

big dragon breath. I briefly lose consciousness, the concussive force of the dragon's breath hitting me, igniting me, and then I stop, drop, and roll only by pure merit of the fact that I fell unconscious and hit the ground and just went out with the remaining pats of Graco, and I

wake up in the cacophony of all of the battle. Hearing you scream, hearing everyone else start to charge in or do whatever it is that they're doing. Frost is lost in the chaos for a moment. His eyes go white. And

just out of sheer feelings of protection and sheer feelings of the fear and the danger that this Jabberwock represents, the terror pushes Frostmine into a state of flow. I'm not thinking consciously about making this choice. Instead, this ionic energy just flows through me, and a orb, a sphere of sorts, a circle, shifts into a sphere

shows up and surrounds us. I will cast Magic Circle, that's my third level spell. I will choose a fey creature, which means that fey creatures, unless they pass a charisma saving throw, can't pass inside of the circle that I choose surrounding all of my allies. - Wow. - Oh my god. - And I'm hoping that it's fey, 'cause that's the choice that I'm making.

but if it can, it still has attack disadvantage on attack rolls against targets within the cylinder. We can't be charmed, frightened, or possessed by that creature. Oh yeah.

It's a 10 foot by 10 foot radius, so I'm just going to put it all right here and just protect everyone as I push out with my mind, attempting to shield myself and everyone from the Jabberwock. Holy shit, pulling down right trigger. And I'll stand. There's a quick time limit. What's happening? And I'm pushing out with my mind. You can see the force. I'm almost in two places at once. Badass. The Jabberwock moves forward.

it moves slowly. It's almost as if time slows down as it creeps closer and closer. Who is directly in front of it? I give you the idiom. Once again, its head whips this way or that. It breathes you in. Don't come in closer. And its head whips towards-- who's the next behind? Frost. Frost, yeah. Is one of them within 15 feet? I am.

No. Yeah, both of them are. No, they're just outside. This is here. He's here. Oh, yeah. He is going to take one of his claws and looking down at you, he is going to rend you, Gideon. He has to make a charisma saving throw if he's a fake creature.

So he's going to rend Gideon. This is very clearly a huge dragon. Huge dragon-type creature. You feel its claws rend into you with a 23, and you're going to take...

I have to separate these ones so I don't have to keep getting them. I just love the visual of it just pushing through the circle and not giving a single fuck. With its giant fucking wide eyes, like . 22 points of damage as its claws once again pierce into you. How are you looking? Gas. Run. Oh my god. As I slump to the ground.

It is going to look down at you, and it is going to step forward on top of your body and get face to face with Cremie, as it is going to reach down and make a rend attack on Cremie. Do I have to roll a death save for that? No. Oh. And with a--

Sorry. No, no, no, no, no. 17? Yeah, I'm sure that is. With a 17, it is going to rend you doing--

23 points of slashing damage. It is then you watch as its tail whips up and slams down on Gideon's dead body, piercing into it with the very tip. Dead body or just like unconscious body? Unconscious body. For now. Advantage. So it is-- He's breathing for now. Advantage. This is very bad. Oh, it hits me, I just take-- 20? Yeah, it's all a crit. Which is a crit, so two death saves.

Oh, do I roll them? Or is this automatic? Just two automatic fails. You know, we'll see you around, buddy. And that is its turn. Grumby. This is bad. This is extremely bad. I don't have any way to get him up, I don't think. Oh no. Nor does Torbjorn. Oh, thank you, Derek.

Oh my god, what do I do? What do I do? I'm guessing he needs you to offer 20 dex. What about the power of friendship? Wasn't that supposed to work? How's this thing looking? Best friends with Jyn. He has taken a total of like 13 damage. He's taken 13 damage. He's got a scratch in his neck. Mm-hmm. Agitated, slightly annoyed. I'm gonna be like totally slashed apart and burnt and barely hanging on.

And I'll say, "Well, Baron, I might be coming to see you sooner rather than later, but fucking give me some help here." And you'll hear this sort of ominous jazz play as the shadows will whip and take form with neon sort of glyphs that appear over me. I'll take my Form of Dread as my own shadow sort of like shimmers behind me. And I will take my cane and you'll sort of hear

faint kind of laugh from the crystal skull on the end of my cane as I sort of touch it towards the skin of this dragon creature. And I will cast Inflict Wounds. Nice. Which is... It's a melee spell attack. Let's see, you're on your die. I need to use a creme die. Pink.

Where? Right to your right, to your right, to your right. Oh, it's right here, thank you. What do we think? 17 hits? That's going to be close. Can I twist? What kind of save is it? It's just an attack. You might be okay. Let me try. 18 is going to be the issue. That's a 19. Better. 19 hits? Let's go. It is going to be 5d10.

One, two, uh... One, two, we should be prepared for this, two, three... Um... Four... Five.

Oh, that's pretty bad. Nine, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23. 24 points of necrotic damage as you'll see these almost greenish-blue soul, this necrotic death magic get pulled from the creature. They're not doing a whole lot.

You watch as the necrotic magic is pulled from the face of this creature. You see what appears to be little gasping skulls in a swirl of this neon light as they're pulled out of this Jabberwock, and you see its eyes sink in just a little bit as the necrotic damage takes place, but it quickly whips its head this way and that, and it seems to be in

fighting health. And for my movement, I'm going to come and try to stand between me and Gideon. If he's here, I'll just get next to him. He's on top of Gideon. Okay, well, I'll try to get in the way a little bit, and I'll just say, "Come get me, you big bitch." And that's my turn. We're back.

Torbek is singed. He smells like burnt hair and burning trash. Torbek does not want to fight. Baked beans. Would we have all seen the pawn get stolen, or did we not witness that? Roll a perception check at disadvantage because of what's happening. Sure. Very fair. Not good. That's going to be an 11. No, you wouldn't. Regardless, Torbek...

You said we get the sense that it's hunting us for some reason. It's smelling something. It's very clear that something that it's smelling on you has caused it to go into a hunting frenzy. Torbek will wave his hands over his head and say, "No, no, stop!

We don't want to fight! Look!" And go into his pouch and pull out a small hourglass with no sand in it from the little trinkets that we got from the pile of stuff after we perished Agden. "Look, look! It's just like where we came from! Take it as a gift! Leave us alone!"

Gideon. His entire turn. I need you to roll death saving throw for me, please. Everyone else, close your eyes. Oh, shit. We're doing icebound rules for this. I love icebound rules. Okay. But, yeah. Okay, thank you. The...

Jabberwock sees you do this, Torbek, and it whips its head this way or that as it reaches down and attempts to rend Kremi. With a 21. Yeah, that hits. 21 points of damage. If we're doing icebound rules and I find him within five feet of Gideon, do I see his status? Yes. Close your eyes. Got it.

I was like, "Chad." I'm not reading Chad. Don't read Chad. Yeah, so I, as whatever, is he clawing me? He is running, he's reaching down with the claw, and he is slicing through you, and similarly with Gideon, you feel the claws rend your flesh, and almost as if they are looking for something, as he breathes in deeply, smelling something on you. He actually pierces his

his claws deep into you, holding onto your person from inside of your body. I will look down at Gideon, sort of wryly smile, and I'll say, "The jig's up," as I get slashed and knock back. No! Oh! Grico. I will, oh god, I didn't even know it was my turn. I am going to

Gideon looks really bad. He looks very bad. I'm going to look at him and I will say, Gideon! I'll give you as many bananas as you can eat! Get up! Come on, run! And I am going to cast Healing Word, my last spell slot. Second level. And that is 1d8 for us, 2d4.

I'll use another before. Oh god, I've lost it. I'm going full monkey mode here. Oh god. 3 plus 10, 13 plus 5 is 18 points of healing to Gideon.

You call out and you almost visualize the notes, the words forming healing magic as they collide with Gideon's chest. You watch his body bump, bump, bump with every bit of healing that you pump into your friend.

but his skin remains sallow. His eye is sunken in. You can see that the bones of his torso have been smashed beneath the huge haunches of this beast, and his chest does not rise or fall with breath. There is no motion from Gideon at all. Okay. I don't know what actions I can take now that I've used the spell. You could wild shape.

You can shit your pants. Yeah, just turn into a cat. Turn into a bull and go. I am going to look at Hootsy. I'm gonna like, my face is gonna drop and I'm gonna look at Hootsy and I'm gonna say, run! Now Hootsy! I'll catch up with you! Go! Go right now! And I'm going to cast the help action on Hootsy to then get her to run away as quickly as possible. I'm gonna cry.

I'm getting a little misty-eyed. This is awful. I'll catch up! Don't worry, Hootsie! I'll stop the big bad dragon! Don't worry! Don't worry, Hootsie! And she'll look and she'll stop, and then I'll just look at her and I'll look so serious. She'll just stop and just nod, and then she'll stop and she'll hesitate, and then she'll just turn and bolt. Yes, my girl! Run! Oh, yeah, you're the best! Run!

Look at you! Give it a stoplight. That's my turn, that's my turn. Oh fuck. I promised. I'm going to go towards Krem. Well, I'm not-- I'm going to look at Krem. Thank you. I see how grim things have gotten around me. I am searching for a solution, some way to solve the problem, and I am trying to

turn the key of my own mind, unlock each of the tumblers. I'm thinking back to our experience in Bavlorna's hut, and I'm thinking back to the experience that we just had with Morgana, and I'm trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Seeing the Jabberwock's behavior, scenting and searching, is it possible for me to deduce that there's an object on my person specifically that

I need to get rid of it or destroy it. Roll an intelligence check at disadvantage because you're in the heat of battle and you just witnessed your friend's fall. That's fair. Yeah, that is fair. 19. I'm going to dread you. You get one more roll. Deliciously beautiful. I want higher than 14. How many is it? 12.

You can tell it's definitely looking for something, but your mind does not come to the thought of a thing. You imagine that it is a creature. It is a creature that hunts and you are large and live and the perfect meal for a creature of this size. Oh, it's stirring. Sorry, one minute.

I will, I guess I will-- You have 30 seconds to make a choice. Yep, I will bonus action

Teleport. I will jump over to my friends, Kremi and Gideon. I will just vanish and continue to search my mind, trying to think of something, anything. I will yell out, there's no reason to attack us, please. We mean you no harm. You've defeated us, run! We...

Please, stop what you're doing! I'm on the verge of tears. I'm just putting my hands over, trying to protect my two friends. And even with my action, I'll have my mage hand out. It's putting up its hands. Maybe it can see that. Just begging and helpless. The creature still has its claw in Kremi's body. It is going to rend Kremi yet again.

It has advantage. Oh. Oh yes, you're right, it does. It's not a natty 20, but it is going to be a 23. That's still a correct. I don't need to do the damage. That's two failed saves. It is going to, with the...

its claws embedded into your torso. It is going to reach forward. Who is the Yornir mini? Torbek. It is going to reach towards Torbek, and with Kremi's body still attached, it is going to rend you with its claws and your friend. That is going to be a 26 to hit. Just missed this. Now that hits. What's your AC? 17. Oh, okay. I was just doing it.

20 points of damage. That is both of its rend attacks, it rended Cremia, it rended you. And it is going to, with its tail attack, it is going to whip around and hit Frost with its tail. 24. I'll count it.

I rolled the percentile die. 10 points of bludgeoning damage as it whips you with its tail. And I have to roll. I need to find a good d20 here. Kremi, I need you, everyone close your eyes. I need you to make a death saving throw. Good luck, brother. You may all open your eyes. Torbek. Heavily bleeding, covered in Kremi's blood, tears streaming down Torbek's face. Torbek will be hitting himself.

Why won't you come out? Where are you? And Torbek will use his action to throw himself at the Jabberwock and attempt to bite this creature while screaming about all of his friends and tears streaming down his face. I'll try to make two attack rolls. Okay. A 14 and a 23. Let's twist a 14. I'll twist a 14. One more, one more, one more, one more, one more.

That would be two 23s to move. Both of those hits. Please! Seven, 17 total points of damage over two attacks. Okay.

You are up close to this creature as you do this, but your eyes are clouded by the tears that you have no control over as they spill out of you. You see Kremi's body as it hangs unconscious next to you. You see the blood

pouring from his wounds as you reach out and attempt to wound this creature. And as you do wound it, but you see that the wounds that had happened to it previously are beginning to close up. But you are able to do a bit of damage. Fuck.

That's my turn. Oh, it has troll powers. Gideon, okay, it's lair action. I'm going to use my troll powers on it. It is going to look down at you, Torbjörn, and you--

You see it breathe in yet again as its head turns this way or that, as it's searching you, its head circles all around you as it breathes in the scent of you, and it is going to make a rend attack on you. I'm going to use a dread. 20. Yep. And it is going to do--if I can find these, don't I? Ooh.

28 points of damage. After latching onto this thing with Torbek's teeth, the jabberwock easily grips Torbek, rips him from his body, and throws his unconscious body on the ground. Torbek is safe. And as your body flies to the ground, you see those of you that are still conscious that there are now two pawns in its hand.

a matting of Torbek's fur and one of these pawns. Come on lads, we gotta get out of here! That was-- Is Rolf's down too? Gricko, your turn. Not yet. I have more spells. What does Gricko do? I know what I would do. I are Gricko. Flee. I would like to, do I need to get to Krem-- I am going to do exactly that.

You have Wild Shape, right? ...is where I'm going to look at Gideon get down, and I'm gonna see Tormek fall, I'm gonna see Kremi fall, I'm gonna see that it's just me and Frosty alive. And I'll look and I'll see that Hootsie's running away, and I'll say, "Keep going, Hootsie! We'll stop it, don't we? It all gets up to you!" And I'm gonna look at Frost, and I'm gonna say, "Just like old times, Frosty."

as I am going to, the great eight is gonna disappear behind me, as I'm going to play a little tune on my ocarina, as I'll turn into a spectral, like this great stag beast with two sets of antlers, as I am going to gallop

It turns its head towards you and it begins to burble. Are you within 30 feet of it? Yeah. As the Jabberwock burbles, I need you to roll a D6 for me, please. Or I'm sorry, a D4. I'm going to attempt to run and scoop up frost as a one. You do nothing. You are the burbling. Well, first I need you to make a Christmas saving throw. I fail.

you hear the burbling and the sound is unlike anything that you've ever heard before. As your body begins to shape and twist using the druidic magic, you look towards Hutsi as she's running off towards the forest.

The burbling will not stop happening in your ears, and it gets louder and louder. You turn to look towards this thing, and you see this sack on the underside of its neck as it's pulsing and throbbing as it's creating this unholy noise, and you feel yourself unable to move, unable to do anything at all. I will... That is your turn, Fawzi. I'll start to play. I'm coming for... That's it.

I'm screaming from the Elvers' Burbling. It's your turn. It's used confusing Burble as a reaction. Yeah, well, Torbeck Burble in the pants. They say you do that when you go down. I'll, um... It's all Ogre boys.

I see that, uh, Gricko is the only one, and that he is being affected by this strange speech of this beast. Looking around, I suspect everyone is dying or dead. Uh, in shock, I would just look up, pull my pack off, and throw it in its entirety. Just...

let it explode on the side of the body's, the Jabberwock's body. And this is the end. None of this made any sense. You've killed all of us. There's nothing left. And that's what you do? I'll fall to my knees. Can I see how far away is Hootsie? Okay, okay. Too far. Hold on, grab this. This is-- Let's war game this.

Hootsie's far. She's like 21 inches. Times five feet, what is that? Less than 120. Yeah, 105. The Jabberwock steps back and you watch as its eyes ignite with that same white light. Oh my god. And it lets loose two lasers of flame, one straight towards Hootsie, the other straight through all of those bodies there.

I need-- That's how far she is. I need Gricco and Hootsie to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. I assume I automatically fail when you go to the dex check. Yeah. Shut. I got a natural 20 on my dex check. Dread. Not so nice. No, it's still not good enough. Damn. 15. No. No. Do I just take one death saving throw? You take one death saving throw.

One fail. When do you take two? When you get hit up with a melee attack. It's an all-time crit. Lucy gets a natural one. Oh boy. So it's crits give you two and a melee attack. Oh no! How much health does he have? This is very bad.

39 points of fire damage. 39 points. I fall. I get . Maybe I'm trying to play as I see its eyes look up and I look and I see that it's turned towards Hootsy. I try to turn as I get blasted. I'm imagining it's one of those anime beams where it goes . Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a cyclops. Yep, exactly right, exactly right. Then Hootsy's HP

39. Oh yeah, she's down. She's down from the damage. No! This is the most fucked up thing that's ever happened on this channel. You don't see what happens to Hootsy, but you can hear it. Those of you that are still conscious. I don't give a shit. Frost, as this thing lets out two more lines of flame and you watch as Bricko crumbles, Ember's

crackling in his hair and on his clothes. Torbec's fur billowing smoke as the fire catches and begins to burn through the hair that coats his body. We watch all of this as the Jabberwock turns and uses its foot

to grasp Gideon's lifeless body and kicks it, hurling it against a tree, impaling him on a branch that sticks out from the foliage that has been burned from the bough. You watch as he steps down and having

Still having Kremi attached to one of his claws, he steps down. You can hear the crunch of bone as parts of Kremi's bone becomes exposed. You watch as he has no disregard whatsoever for the people you care about, the people that you love.

as he slowly tramples your friends as he turns to face you and lets in a deep and turns his head towards you as he continues to search. Crammy, Torbeck, everyone close your eyes. You may all open your eyes. It is his lair action. I need the map again, sorry Rich.

Is Torbek within 15 feet? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He is going to reach out with one of his arms and he is going to rend Torbek at advantage because Torbek is down. It's a 21 to hit. Yeah, it's gonna do it. Looking for the die, there it is.

It's a melee attack, right? Yeah, it's-- 21 points of damage. I don't know why I did the damage. No secret at this point. It's all over. You know he's gotten three saves. Once again, he digs his claws deep into Torbek, and with the same hand, he comes down and he's going to attempt to rend you fast. 28 to hit. Godspeed, fellas.

I'll see you in Valhalla. I wonder what hell's gonna look like. Yeah, or just hell. 19 points of slashing damage. Are you still standing? Yep. He is then going to look towards you and he is going to-- No, no, I'm sorry, I'm out. Having rendered you, you are all unconscious, none of you see this, as he

picks you up and looks at you, twisting you in his claws before his tail comes up and pierces straight through your abdomen, hitting with a 25 and doing two failed death saves. I need you to roll. Should we all close our eyes at this point? I mean, you're all dead, so it doesn't matter. I'm going to watch. Success.

He's hanging in there. It is then his turn. He is going to take both of his claws and he is going to attempt to rip you in two. This jaywalk's got no chip. He did not crit, but he did hit for both of them. As your body falls limp, he tosses you to the ground.

He moves between all of you, slowly, sniffing, searching, hunting. As he rips parts of your body from your clothes, bits of you are scattered around the forest floor as eventually he has one, two, three, four, five pawns in his hand. Oh snap. He looks around and continues to sniff,

You can't see this in death. I'm alive. But you're still-- Well, roll a death saving throw. There's physically no way for you to survive this. I succeed. So he's going to do all three of his hits on you. I think I made it! Succeed. Succeed. Concentrated breath. So yes, you are dead. He stands atop the mound of your gnarled bodies.

And he breathes in for the last time, almost a look of triumph as he clutches on to the five chess pieces that he holds in his hand. And then his haunches lower and he propels himself up into the air with the sound of flapping wings. He alights.

into the Prismir sky. And that is where we'll end the session. Oh! Well, and the campaign. Yeah, I think you missed both. Hold on, hold on, I got to roll for-- whose team would wake up and-- okay, that's a fail. Oh, no, it's-- because it's a con save, right? No, you don't add anything. Oh, that's right. It's just flat. That's a fail. Success. Fail. That's it. No, this was one. Two and one. Success. Oh my god. Two and two. Don't make me say it.

You can't dread death saving throws. That's not what I need to say. Technically she succeeded. It was exactly a 10. And if that were the case, the Jabberwock would turn its head and once again rend the forest with lines of fire piercing straight from its eyes. And what had already been one painful death is now two. And that is Orla in this session.

Holy shit. Nice run of the session, Nikki. You're welcome. That was fun. I think-- yeah, yeah, this is traditional. Do you want-- do the honors. It's traditional if the DM tears the character sheet in half when you kill-- Oh, I thought that afterwards I was just going to get to punch you in the face. Well, you can do that as well, but if you'd like to start with this.

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