Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 4 | Lose Your Illusion
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. Greetings, I'm Morning Frost, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Fairy cake eating contest will begin in two minutes shop. The goal is simple. Eat as many cupcakes as you can within 60 seconds. Prepare your mouths! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!

There can only be one winner. It's mind over cupcake, Gideon. I only have one question for you. What do you want to get to eat after this? Pixie comes over to you and lifts your arm into the air. Oh, yes. Gideon. They have someone come over and paint your picture as they take it over to the cupboard of Cupcake Chad's.

and they put your face up there. - There's nothing Mr. Light likes more than to see his smiling faces. The carnival's happy, he's happy, so. - Oh. - Looks like you've done the carnival a service, friends. - Oh. - Well, I'm really not supposed to talk about this, but. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, continue, continue. - The carnival can't run without Mr. Witch's pocket watch. I hope he never loses that thing.

Did we just encounter random NPC dialogue? Mr. Witch and Mr. Light aren't the carnival's original owners, you know? No, you don't say. I don't know, man. Do you want to ride on the dragonflies? I heard this weird whispering come from the bushes over there. No one else seemed to hear or whatever. Sticking to those leaves appears to be four or five black feathers. These are feathers clearly of a Kenko.

Yeah, there's been a Kenku terrorizing the Witch Lake Carnival for quite a while now. Terrorizing? Mr. Wish and Mr. Light would be really interested to find out about this. I'm not supposed to tell you that.

You all stand within the portion of the carnival that you have just experienced most recently. You are near the dragonflight rides and you have just rescued the dwarf that had been

Almost carried away by one of these rogue dragonflies. And in the course of all of this, Kremi notices some movement and he is told by Northwind that something strange had happened off to the side. And with his, with quick movement, he blasts his Eldritch Blast into part of the underbrush.

And you all go to investigate to find that there are three feathers that clearly belong to a Kenku. It is at this moment that Northwind informs you that the carnival has been plagued by a rogue Kenku for a while. A Kenku that has been sowing distrust and causing havoc and attempting to lower the overall mood of the carnival.

He looks at you all and yeah, man, he's just kind of a buzzkill, you know? I mean, what kind of buzz is he killing? I mean, is he like hurt in the bottom line? Is he a terrorist? I mean, what are you trying to say? I mean, you're saying this Kenku's causing trouble.

And I'm trying to ask what kind of trouble he's causing. Are you suggesting that the Kenku is politically motivated? Well, I don't know. I mean, they're like, do I know anything about the Feywild, actually? I would say probably not. Never mind. Oh, you was going to say you love the unicorns. Oh, yeah, I love unicorns. Yes, I'm curious about Kremi's question as well. What is the nature of the buzz killing that he is doing?

Well, nobody really knows much about the Kenku, if I'm being quite honest with you. And, like, I'm not supposed to say this, but he's, like, really frustrating Mr. Witch and Mr. Light. Mm-hmm. So, you know...

People are trying to find them, but no luck so far. Was the mischief that we just experienced something that was likely- Oh yeah, if you found Kenku feathers over there, that is totally signs that the Kenku, like, messed with their dragonflies. Well, he could have killed that dwarf. That's- Yeah, that would have really lowered the mood. Oh, he could have killed a dragonfly, even worse! Seriously? Hmm.

Oh, those poor beautiful creatures. I mean, it's not nearly as, I mean, I shouldn't say this, but it's not nearly as bad as what happened over at the Hall of Illusions. That poor mime. Did the mime die? Worse than death. Oh, he got punched so hard that he kept...

Pulling a rope that wasn't really there until he died Does he persistently haunt anybody at the Hall of illusions? Is that what happened to him? Well, I mean he's persistently at the hall of illusions. Oh, they left the body, huh? It's not good for business. Well, I mean I guess

If whatever fella accidentally, I mean, intentionally punched but accidentally killed the mine, if they were subsequently haunted, they wouldn't hear much. Look, I'm not sure how important that distinction is, all right? I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Oh, look. Grammy may have accidentally killed a Kenku.

Oh no, you totally didn't kill the Kenku. What we're trying to ask is if we take care of this Kenku problem for you, is there some kind of genuine reward? I mean, you could ask Mr. Witch and Mr. Light, but I don't know if you can even get an audience with them. They're like, I'm sure they'd be pretty stoked. So if we're proactive, fellas, and we think that we can, you know, grease some wheels here and...

Maybe use that as a front to steal pocket watch. Can we attempt not to kill the Kenku and perhaps just capture him? I know that your beams destroyed this bush. Had it hit the Kenku, do you think that the Kenku could potentially have died? Let me check. No, I rolled a one. Oh, but there's some bloody berry jam. Oh, that's totally not bloody. It just buries the pocket. Oh.

Gosh, I thought it would just be like my uncle used to make. It's just cherries, berries. Bloody, oh! Tastes quite delicious. That's what it tastes like more. Oh. You know, you can't just stop at just one little donut. That's why they call it cherries, berries. I gotta get back to the rest of the dragonfly rides, and I'm probably gonna wake up red soon, so...

Thanks. Oh yeah, sorry for the rude comment from my friend about his little scat giant. Oh yeah, I feel awful. I'll just, you know. Yeah, he's been crying in his hollow since you got here. I'm very sorry, and hopefully he enjoys my pistachio peace offering and apology token. I'll let him know. All right, I gotta go shackle up these dragonflies.

- See you later. - All right, bye. - Goodbye. - And he turns and slowly walks around and heads back and you see that he's like taking some ropes and helping to calm the dragonflies and getting them put back into their harnesses and back on their individual lily pads as a line spreads its way out from the dragonfly rides. You can see that there is quite a lot of commotion around here, but it's slowly starting to calm down as North Wind gets the ride under control.

As I was saying, Grimmy, I think we should try to do everything we can to just capture the Kenku. If we kill someone here, I don't know if there are carnival laws that might be applied or carnival jails. There's nothing on the map.

So perhaps we would just be disappeared as well. I don't want to... And how would that affect the mood? I mean, if it's like a righteous killing, is that like, yay? That's what I mean. If this guy's a pest and he's causing problems with the carnival, I mean...

You know, the things Gidd's done to pickpockets and ne'er-do-wells that have slunk around our carnival. And other kinds of pests. Yeah, really any kind of mild inconvenience. They meet the same fate. Yeah, just say, hey Gidd, take care of him! And then his fists are all bloody. Does your beam have some sort of stun setting? Um...

Uh, no. Do your fists have some sort of stun setting? Yeah, actually, I can stun them. I haven't yet, but I know that I can. I just go straight for kill. Frosty, how's the old...

- Oh, am I feeling un-oiled in my mouth? - There's still a lingering oil taste, especially when you rub your tongue around your teeth. It's almost like the crevices in your mouth have retained that oil taste. But as you continue to drink water, it washes it away. - It doesn't need water. It'll go away soon. - How do I look?

- I mean, you have still been recently punched by Gideon. - Oh no, I became very shy and bishonen and then very handsome. - Yeah, what do you keep saying now? Bishonen? - And then very protagonistical.

And then I became a horrible eldritch abomination. Combo, really. It's a matrix. And then I ate some taffy. Yeah, and now you look like yourself, just with a swollen half of your face where Gideon punched you. How do I look? About the same. Back to normal, except for the yellowing bruise. That's good. I mean, I still have a...

strange desire to sail through the ether on my membranous wings while also simultaneously confessing to senpai at the festival but having it get drowned out by the fireworks. Other than that, I'll feel back to normal. Do they serve senpai here? That's a good question. I've had pumpkin pie, I've had cherry pie, never had no senpai.

Sounds like the beginning of a song. I'm looking at the map. I'm wondering... Never mind. Let's move on. Quick! Speaking of moving on, I would propose we go back to the feasting orchard. Do you recall there was a maze? Oh! Would you guys like to explore said maze? It sounds like an interesting test of our memory and logic. We're really going to platinum this whole conversation.

Oh, yes. It's right next to us. We'd have to walk all the way back if we went all the way to the gondola swans. There's a waypoint on our map here. It won't stop flashing until we go at least a quarter. Oh, there's a piece of heart up there. How are we going to make it up full feet? Just follow the yellow pips. Oh. Oh, and a golden skulltula. It's a spider and a skull. That's too spooky.

- All right, lead the way. - I'm just gonna let you go. - We sprint. - You make your way back to the feasting orchard and while you are making your way, I'm going to assume that you're keeping your eyes out for any signs of Kenku and you notice nothing.

You see no signs of feathers, no signs of anything else. I would, however, like you to make a group perception check. Oh, I need a character sheet for this campaign. Oh, who'd say? I need a character sheet for this campaign. You're still balancing that tawny pumpkin so cutely.

Oh, you'll show such a good surface, Owl-Ban. I hope you make it to the end, Hootsy. Oh, yes. I'm envisioning, do you remember that Corgi? What ever happened to her? Hazel? That had the like, that would literally balance anything on her head. That's what I'm imagining Hootsy doing with this tiny pumpkin. That's very cute. Isn't there a rabbit with a pancake on its head also? Oh yeah, there's a pancake rabbit. What was it, Perception? I believe that's a 19. I will enjoy a 21. Seven.

- 23. - Perfect. - What you notice, and this was a group, so this works all for all of you, you all balanced out in base. - Thank you. - Though you don't notice a Kenku, you do notice multiple suspicious individuals. And it's not enough to make you

investigate them further or try and follow them off into the crowd. But it's almost as if you notice a few people who seem to be watching you intently and people who seem to dart in and out of your eye line the moment you make visual contact with them. It's almost ghost-like in the way that they appear and then disappear quickly.

- So not in a flirty way. - Not in a flirty way. No, no, I'm sorry, Frost, no. - Did you see that one? They looked away right when I saw them. And then I looked away. - You do make your way back to the feasting orchard. You see that another round of the fairy cake eating contest is underway as the announcer calls out to continue another person down.

Only 10 more to go. Look at them feast and you watch on. You hear of the announcements that the...

that the Cupcake Chad has arrived back at the feasting orchard and a small crowd crowds around you as they all stare on in awe at Gideon and his Cupcake Chad shirt, which is very clearly too small for him. - Like a midriff. - Yeah, tube top. - Small wings, tiny fairy wings. - Just a repeat. - A Genasi happy trail right there.

It's a lot more than I had in mind. Yeah! It's probably what Gideon wants. It's more of a happy forest. It's like Bob Ross said, "A happy tree needs a little friend and another friend and another friend and another friend." I'm picturing flames on the side of a hot rod.

Like Guy Fieri style. Oh yeah. Fieri. Anyway. Oh, you're right, Frosty. There are some perverts here, but let's go rid of the mangs. Okay, yeah.

And they do hinder your movement through the feasting orchard, but not enough to stop you on your path towards the orchard maze, the corn maze. And as you make your way towards it, you see that it feels very autumnal here. Almost as if this part of the carnival was...

pulled straight from the Court of Autumn itself. You see the beautiful golden red leaves on the trees that as you look at them, you realize that the golden leaves are actually almost metallic in nature as they reflect. It's nighttime. There should be no sun here, but this feels fully illuminated as if the sun were in the sky. The weather is a very brisk 60 and

almost sweater weather, but not quite unless the wind picks up. It's perfect. You can smell pumpkin in the air, cinnamon, clove. The, um, the ground is lined with, um,

with hay bales that people are sitting on and enjoying ciders and candied apples and things of that nature. And you make your way towards the corn orchard. There is, appears to be no, or the corn maze, there appears to be no person taking tickets as you are able to make your way in if you so choose.

Well, it doesn't cost a punch. So we can do this as much as we want. We can really get our money's worth. Oh, our two gold pieces and my love of unicorns worth. Well, there's limited time in the carnival, and I imagine that if we're still in the maze, we'll be trapped there forever at the end. So let's try and complete it as quickly as we can. Oh, it's eight days, so we have eight days. Is this the first day? I believe this is the last day. This is the final day. Oh, it's the final day. You have eight hours in the carnival or something. We may be...

Maybe all of us will just be caught in a corner alone. Maybe the canku's in there too. Keep an eye out for him. Or you can blast through it like you've destroyed that bush. I feel like property damage is probably not something I want to be charged for in a place like this. Gideon can throw us all out. That's true. But then he's going to be stuck forever. It's a sacrifice we'll have to consider when we get to that point. Well...

I didn't know Gideon was so selfless. No, I wouldn't do that. I start walking in and I get confronted with a left-right choice. Yes, you make your way in and you are surrounded by these gigantic stalks of corn. They are so congested together that you can't see through them, but there is a path. It's

a nice cobbled path that leads its way in and you are eventually confronted with a choice. Do you go left or do you go right? - I would propose that we go left. - Any reason why? - It's the first one, it's on your left, easy. - No, that makes a lot of sense, let's go left. - It's a strong argument, I can't argue with it. - Whatever you fellas say.

- I'll follow for all of a sudden. - All right, you're choosing left. - You didn't live. - You make your way towards the left and you continue to walk and walk and walk and walk and you are not met with any other choices for five, 10, 15 minutes before you finally come to a fork in the road. You can now move left, right or forward.

All along this path, you've been seeing pumpkins with carved faces, or faces carved in them, candles melting on the inside that have been nestled on straw bales and inside parts of the corn patch. You've also been met with a plethora of very same-looking scarecrows.

They all, all with turnips on their heads, burlap sacks over the turnip as they appear to be fending the, or scaring away the birds that might feast on the corn. - Well, it certainly doesn't seem like a trap or that it'll lead to combat. So we just have to pick one of these three directions. - Which way looks the most turnipy? - Turnipy? - Why is that relevant?

It felt like the right thing to ask, you know? - What do you think? - I got to choose the first one. Do you think either of these pants look turnipy? - No, not all the same. - Are they? - Well, I mean, in the sense that, in relation to how turnipy they are, I mean, I don't know, are they? Is one more turnipy than the others? - Do you want to see? - I'll look, I don't know. - Roll an investigation check for turnips.

- Oh, another 23? - Yeah. - All right, you look towards the middle path and you see that quite a length down the middle path there appears to be some sort of like turnip, not turnip fountain, but it's like multiple hay bales that are stacked together with turnips with faces carved in them all around it. And at the very center there is a scarecrow that's holding a lantern on either arm. - Take a look. - Oh!

There we go. We've got a fellow holding lanterns and stuff. That feels kind of turnipy to me. A lot of turnips down that way. Yeah, let's go say hello to the scarecrow. I'll remember this choice in case we have to double back. And I continue to lead the way. You make your way.

down the, down the path and you find yourself in what appears to be an outcropping. And it is exactly as Kremi had described. There is a circular pile of hay bales in the middle that is piled high with these turnips and pumpkins that have faces carved into them. They all have varying emotions and, um, the emotions range from happy to angry to sad. Uh,

to Jubilant and all of them have a single candle on the inside slowly burning down and in the very center there is a scarecrow that seems to be significantly larger than the ones that you've seen elsewhere. Its arms are pointing to the left and to the right

Its fingers are pointing straight out as if motioning in a direction, but its face is looking straight forward. On either one of its outstretched arms wrapped around its wrist is a corded rope, and from that hangs a lantern. Inside, there is a turnip.

both of them completely, completely whole. But they glow with an unusual orange light. - Do I see any crows? - You do not see any crows. - Good job, scarecrow. - You also do not see any exits from this space. - Not even behind us? - Are you looking behind you? - Oh no. - Uh, sure. - As you turn around to look behind you, you see that the corn has completely closed off the way that you'd come in. - Well, I think we've done it. - Oh no, trapped like rats.

This is part of some kind of stupid puzzle, right? Your intelligence is higher than his, right? Well, to be fair, it's just more of a logic puzzle than a word puzzle, so I will no, no, no. It's down to you, Frost. No. I don't want to give it my best shot. I've always preferred parsnips. Okay. Carry on. You should have said that before we were...

I'll walk up and I'll look. There are no, there's no egress from this. There's no way. You are in a circular outcropping. There is the circular pile of the hay bales with all of the essentially jack-o'-lanterns, but in pumpkin and turnip form. Some fun trivia for you that the jack-o'-lantern originated as a turnip.

- Or a parsnip. - I know, I've seen faces and they're way scarier. - They are way scarier. - Way scarier. - Way scarier.

And you said that hanging from both of the wrists are... So he's pointing straight out. And there's a lantern that is dangling from a corded rope. And inside the lantern, there is a turnip that is completely whole, but it has a strange orange glow on the inside as if there is something burning inside of it. Oh. Can I reach the lantern? You'd have to climb up on the hay bales, but sure.

It's easy enough. I get up there and I will open the lantern and I will remove the glowing turnip. You do that. And as you reach up, you actually stumble a bit because you realize that this scarecrow isn't stationary. It is on essentially a lazy Susan and it can be rotated around.

And so you were able to catch your ground. - What's a lazy Susan? - A lazy Susan is the thing that you would have on a table that's on a platform and it spins around so that you can- - A lazy Susan? - Yeah, a lazy Susan. - Hey, there you go.

I didn't know that was called a lazy Susan. Were you actually? Did you do pottery on it? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I've heard of the term. I've heard that. I mean, I turned it into a bit because it was a disruptive question. I feel like I can understand Mike's general curiosity because he had that look on his face like, can you please tell me what that is? I'm standing on a lazy Susan. I mean, I've heard the phrase lazy Susan, but I didn't know that's what it was. I have a small dagger. You do? And I am going to, I'm going to attempt to

Make my own face. Oh! Make it a happy cat face. I'll do my best, and having said that, I will attempt to draw a serious pondering face. Okay. I would like you to roll a performance check.

and a sleight of hand to see how well you're able to create what you are looking to do. - Okay, performance, that's where I'm invited. - And don't forget that you have twists. - Yeah. - Please don't forget that you have twists. - I think I'll use one. Let me check out the sleight of hand. - Oh, let me get my-- - Okay, so sleight of hand's gonna be a 19, and I'll use a reroll of the d20 for the performance, 'cause it was a three.

A 12. So a 12 and a 19. The 12. The 12. The 12. The 12 fails. I need you to roll a d100 for me, please. Oh, no. 66. Oh, I'm so close to the good number. You die. Oh, wow.

I guess don't cut the turnips. You don't die. Check his pulse. Come on, losers. That was for the twist. Oh, Lord Vader. Derek, you're alive. Oh, God.

You were... Oh, you're fine. You got you. I fell on my dagger. Oh, God! Your Indians are coming out! Oh!

- Oh no! - This is why we get nothing done! - Frost is the turn up! - Ooh, maybe that's the puzzle. - Can we do this? Here we go. I lost it. The concept of death is unbearably sad so that you burst into tears whenever it comes up and you can't stop thinking about it. On top of that, what did you get for your sleight of hand?

12. Your sleight of hand was 12. Yes. No, your sleight of hand was 19. Your sleight of hand was 19. Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. So your ability to carve this turnip is impeccable. It looks amazing, but you weren't able to get the expression that you were looking for, that pondering, that sense of wonder and quizzicalness. Instead, it looks sad. It looks a little bit...

Depressed. And as you stare at it, you feel that way too. It's almost like you've carved an emotion into this pumpkin, or into this turnip that is reflected back at you. Well, I was able to carve the face. That was the opposite of what I was suggesting. No, no, I didn't do a very good job. Doesn't matter though. What? We all die in the end. Yeah.

Oh god! I mean yeah, that's the cycle of life and death. Are you alright Frost? Did this like awaken something in you? Frosty! Are you crying? Oh! Ah! There there!

It's fine. It's fine. It's okay, Frosty. It's okay, Frosty. You'll probably outlive all of us. That's fine. Don't you have like nine lives or something? Yeah, you've got nine lives. And so after you live on, probably immortal with all of your mind powers after we die. So you'll outlive us and then we'll die and everyone that you have ever known and all your loved ones will die. But you'll be alive, dude.

- Nine lives means I have to die nine times. - That's a good point. - That sounds a little unpleasant. - I think I'll just take it once. - Oh no.

Would you like to enjoy a nice cute jig from Hootsie? Hootsie, would you like to cheer up Uncle Frosty? I would like to see Hootsie's dance.

Okay. Hootsie all shuffled up. Now make sure you don't drop that pumpkin, Hootsie. It's very important. Probably for noxious reasons, on account of you being a child. Hootsie will do a very nice, pleasant dance. Thank you. Perhaps Frost's favorite dance that she would know. Oh, yes. That's my favorite. Thank you. I don't know what came over me. I...

- Something about, I don't know. Someone put it back in the lantern or. - Do we wanna put it back? I mean, what's glowing inside of it? Did you get down deep enough? - I think it's one of the candles. - No, you did not get down deep enough. - Here, give it to me. Oh, here you go. - And you do pass it, but it does not change the way that you're feeling. - I wanna bite the face off and then spit it out and try to like get to the middle of the Tootsie Pop. - Okay.

- You bite the face off and you begin to feel just absolutely nothing. It's almost as if you had attuned by carving into this thing to begin with, you had attuned it to yourself and your emotions. There is no face on this at all anymore. There is nothing. You are just blank, empty. - What do I find?

You find that you rip the bits of it off and it just smooths over. And you see that there's still that glowing ember on the inside. So I didn't get any closer to it? I would say maybe a little bit closer, yeah. Can I use my thumbnail to try to scoop that out? I want to see if there's anything inside of it. Yeah. Yeah, so I'll just, you know. Try making a face. It seems like the only logical thing to do. They're all faces here.

I mean, that's what you did, nothing happened. Besides, sort of broke down a little bit. Became very introspective. Weird. A little battle melancholia, nothing wrong with that, of course, no judgment. No, it, uh... It's okay, we all have to face our own mortality, Frosty. See, that diamond didn't do anything. Oh.

So you went from feeling overwhelming sadness and crying to just feeling empty and absolutely nothing? Yes. Okay, that's about normal. Yeah, actually, it's a little after the last one. That sounds about right. Okay, you're a normal person, Frosty. But the face was very mirroring the expression. The...

Give it another shot. Someone else attempt with perhaps the other turnip or with this one. If we can't master the face. What does the scarecrow's face look like right now? It's completely neutral. It's a burlap sack. No, it's a turnip with a burlap sack over it like a hood. Oh, what'd she say? It's kind of spooky. I'm going to look at all of it. Give it a shot. I'll throw you the turnip. No! No! No! No!

Sorry, oh, okay, I got, ah, fuck, oh, I fall off the emails. Ah, I got it. I got it. See, this is why I don't need forced natural ones. I got it. They do this shit for themselves. I got it, don't worry, don't worry. Everyone relax.

I got it, Hootsie. I don't know how you balance it. I couldn't even pick up a turnip that Uncle Crummy handed me. You dug your finger into it to see if you could get... I did. It was very clearly a piece of burning coal. Oh, and then it covered back up. Does it kind of grossly regrow? Yes, and it looks like it is slowly, where you bit off, it is slowly starting to regrow out and cover itself with its...

Turnipy skin. Is it getting like a sad face again? No. Oh. Some kind of like burning coal in there that seems to be perpetually glowing. Maybe just for the sake of making a spooky glowing face. It seems to me that I had an intention of drawing a pondering face, but I failed and it was...

much sadder expression than I intended. Frosty? Can you create the expression that you have intended in your mind, and if it's correct, perhaps that is going to reveal a path from this outcropping? I'm not saying you're a bad artist, but what exactly is... How would you convey a pondering face in something as basic as a turnip carving? That's a good point.

Perhaps I bit off more than I could chew. Yeah, I mean if you were gonna, you know, if you're whittling and you're going real granular and like a block of wood, and I pull out a block of wood, right, you could get real nice and lots of detail, but if it's just a turnip, if you try to get detailed it'll rot away, you can only go, "That's what I said, happy kitty, eye, eye, little nose, and then smile, smile, whiskers, done." Why are you carrying around a block of wood?

"Oh, I mean, I'll carry out a bunch of blocks of wood, in case I feel like whittling something." He's a whittler. Never seen him whittle before? "You ever seen me whittle, Frosty? How long have we known each other?" I'd forgotten. "It's one of my favorite hobbies." I'd forgotten. I had forgotten. "That's what he and Scurvy Dave bonded over." "Yeah! He was a scrimshaw. He gave me a whalebone, and then we also scrimshawed."

Well, with the Wendling being such a master, why don't you give the turnip a try? Okay, a turnip. So you know what, Frosty? I'm gonna take me own advice here, little shake. I'm gonna make a happy kitty. All right, roll a sleight of hand and a performance check. Can he add anything 'cause he's proficient in woodworking? I would say yes, you can roll advantage.

- Oh, wow. - For both of them? - Sure. - Oh, that's a 19. Let's see if I can nat 20 it. Oh, an 18, okay. So a 19 plus, oh shit. Why is it taking so long to load? I'll just roll the next one.

- 18 and a four, so. - Crushed it. - Yeah. It is easy for you and you have, there have been, I would say when you were working at the Witchlight Carnival, one of your tasks was to carve some of the turnips and the pumpkins when you were working here. And so it's easy for you to get back into that mode as you quickly carve the face of the happy kitty and you are, you carve deep enough

and well enough to get down to the coal. And as the face illuminates, you watch as the coal pops and ignites and turns into a wax candle with a flickering flame. - Ah, there we go. - Frost, you immediately feel overwhelming jubilance.

You have never been happier in your entire life than you are right now. However, your twist of fate was still the death thing, so you are very, very happy unless you think of or have a realization about death. Oh, I see. Okay. They were two separate things. I conflate them. Got it. You're doing a terrific job. Thank you. She's a little happy kitty. Meow, meow, meow. Okay.

Oh, and the candle revealed itself. Hot damn! And Zeus! One of the nine elves! You feeling all right, Frost? I feel great, we think we solved it, look! He was chasing the world before. Do you smell burning fenders or anything like that? Not since we saw the Kenku. Oh, that wasn't pretty good, Frosty. A little concerned.

I'm concerned, kid. I don't know why. That's the funniest joke he's told in the whole time we've known him. I'm just saying, if he loses his marbles, he can explode a mine just by looking at us. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

- Uh, Hootsie, would you like to do a nice pleasant calming jig? Maybe like some Tachi top number. Anyway, I'm gonna place the happy kitty in the lantern because I think our scarecrow friend only had coals when he needed candles. There you go, Mr. Scarecrow. - You place it in and you still feel overwhelming happiness, but you, and you watch as a face appears on the scarecrow. - Ah! - A wide smile, incredibly happy.

And nothing happens. Well, as in some of the puzzle, I assumed that perhaps this would do the trick, but I feel elated. I feel much better. Oh, well, I'm glad you're feeling better, Frosty. I'm glad that you're not really dwelling on death so much. Whoa, whoa.

Can we just stop saying the D word, please? The D word? Yeah. Probably shouldn't touch that other turn up either. We carve any more faces, he's definitely going to kill us all. If we all could just stop saying the D word, that would make me much happier. Or the K word. Yeah. Because then I have to edit it to say unalive instead. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's definitely going to play with our minds until we have Fitz in the grass and somebody's got to take us out of here. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, you're saying, Crummy, that we all know the lingo that you use at the carnival, advertiser-friendly. Exactly right. You have to appear on the servers that you're advertiser-friendly, and hopefully they don't notice the rats. Because they're a bunch of suckers. I mean... And they're a bunch of rubes, and we'll take all their money, you know what I mean? That's sort of the deal. I mean, that's why we're all here, isn't it?

I really love unicorns and I gave these jerks two gold pieces. And we have 500 gold pieces in the sack. Oh yeah. Lucy's doing the dance again. Lucy, it's a very nice tape of a pumpkin on your head. You're so dexterous. You're like a little ballerina acrobat. Anyways, I'm going to go look at what other options for pumpkin, I mean turnips, I mean pumpkins there are. Mm-hmm.

Do we see like that there are a specific number of faces or just in general, there's expressions? There are varying expressions. Okay, okay. So, I mean, you know what? It was a long time ago.

And I was drinking a lot of beer at the time before I found purpose with Hootsie. And so it's a little foggy. But I actually used to carve the turnips for like the children. So like, they were like, oh, could you give me a happy kitty? Oh, sure. So that's what I did there. Is that what goblin kids sound like? That's what children sound like. It's true. I love a happy kitty. Those little fuckers. Ha ha.

"Um, Grandmama, please get me a sweet from the confectionery." I hate to lean on you once again, but perhaps if you, uh, there's two turnips, right? There were, yes. One in either of them. Can you work your skill on the other one and perhaps make a sad face? Well, hold on. Why sad? Why not just too happy? Or one that's incredibly sly and clever? Matching faces? Well, they all should, they all should say, "Oh, I'd love to be a mermaid!"

Oh, maybe if they're both happy, uh... Oh, Scooby, Dave taught me a fun trick with mermaids that I didn't know. Oh, it looks like a mermaid. That's amazing. Go to the boobies. Are you carving the turnip? Yeah, I'm carving the mermaid, yeah. Can you do a sleight of hand and a, um... Yeah, the other thing. Uh, natural 19.

And ooh, natural 14. Oh my god, why is D&D Beyond not loading? I wish I had my iPad. D&D Beyond! Hmm. D&D Beyond! It's D&D!

Well, I believe my sleight of hand is plus four. So my sleight of hand should be a performance will be plus four as well, I think. So it'll be a 23 and an 18. Oh, yes. You're easily able to carve this mermaid. And as you do, you begin to feel this sense of what does her face look like?

What expression's on her face, Mike? I forgot to draw the face. Oh yeah, it was a moment in time. Did you forget to draw the face? Why'd you draw her so suggestive? Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna take this over. DM Fiat, what would Scurvy Dave teach Krikko as a boy? You begin to grow a pair of breasts.

Really, really nice large breasts. Oh no. And you feel incredibly lustful. Technically shouldn't grow breasts, but fuck it. Really cool. Oh. Look at this tall drink of water. You? Me? What am I, a scarecrow? No, no. What are you, a scarecrow? Look what you've done! Uncle's the scurvy dame!

Oh, it's Curvy Dave. Not quite the same as Curvy Dave. I mean, you could be Curvy Dave. Oh, look at him. Yeah, look what's happening to your body. Oh, no, that's ridiculous. My name isn't Dave. I mean, well, I don't think it needs to be with a pair of those. I'm sure Rico doesn't have the same ring to it.

Gargantuan? After more recent transformations, I feel like I'll need to move around very awkwardly and have them defy the laws of physics and do this. And then I'll be heavily using the promotional materials.

But only show up in a handful of episodes, disappointing all viewers who wasted their money on this shitty shonen, likely mecha overwatch.

So if we carve whatever in the turnip it affects us. We can carve these turnips and we'll be transformed into whatever magical... interesting implications if you ask me. You sound like a dragon. It's kind of interesting. I don't know. Turn around. Not all the way around. Oh man. He's the cornwall. He's the cornwall. He's unsymmetrical evil.

I mean, I guess that's actually very normal. Okay, I'm going to turn around. Oh!

Well, you know, they say they're gonna climb a tree, but it says, I'm gonna climb a scarecrow. Here's the thing. He carved the first one and it affected you. Yes. And then he carved the second one and it affected him. Is it because you touched the first one first and he touched the second one first? I would say it's very easy to realize that that's exactly what happened. And that's exactly what it is. I think that's very logical. Thank God there are only two of them. And, well, we still need a plan.

Oh, we have to get out of here, don't we? Yeah, Turnip's turning everybody into, you know, I don't know, he's in love with scarecrows and he's gotten more attractive. Nothing about him has changed. His face is still swollen. He just has some great breasts. I just can't even see his face anymore. I don't know.

Yeah, I remember having a really hard time looking him in the eye. Can you just grab a turnip? I think this is where we all have to participate in order to get out of here. Out of the turnip, why don't we just spin this scarecrow until it's pointing the way out of here or something. It's pointing in every direction. It's on a spinny dial. Oh, after I'm done with him, he's going to be pointing in three directions. Ha ha ha!

Quickly. Idiot. Oh my God. You did this, Nikki. You did this. You did this. No, no, no. This handle on the scarecrow is appearing out of nowhere. You know what? I'll use this crank to just spin on her.

Grab him by the shirt. Grab him by the skirt. Oh, no! Oh, the trap door! That's how we do it. All right, I put my hands on the lazy Susan and I attempt to spin the scarecrow to see if pointing him in other directions is possible. It wasn't lazy Susan. You're using the crank?

Yeah, yeah. I'm using the crank that's appeared out of nowhere after this. It's a new handle. You use this new handle and you turn the scarecrow easily, but only one of the lanterns is illuminated inside of the... One of the turnips is illuminated inside of the lantern. His face is still incredibly happy.

As you spin it around, he just seems very happy, but it doesn't like click into place or anything. - I think I may have it. I'm gonna take the mermaid, turn it up and I put it into the other. - Oh no, my waifu! She's a collectible! - So we have very lustful and happy.

- Very lustful and happy. - Okay, you place the turnip into the other lantern and you see as the scarecrow's face changes, it is now incredibly happily horny and it does have a handle that appears randomly. - It's got a giant smile with pink lines on it. - It's got some sweat droops. - I back away a few steps.

- Oh yes, it has a nose balloon. - Yeah, yeah. - But both of the lanterns are illuminated. - All right, I spin it again now that it's a double illuminated. Now that it's super horny. - You go, "Oh!"

Why? I just thought to myself, "Well, they'll clearly do happy and sad. This'll be fine." And we're here with a fucking scarecrow with an erection and Crickle and Boobs. He drew a happy face and then a perfect rendition of a horny mermaid. Everyone ducks and spins around. Ugh! Ugh!

But you do begin to spin it and it spins easily until finally click and you see that it is facing with its back to you in opposite directions. So you were coming from, let's say the north and the south. It is now pointing towards the east and the west.

And as you wait, it seems like nothing happens. But then you look a little bit closer and you see that there are clearly exits to the east and the west. Oh, we still got a fucking choice. That's fine. We solved the puzzle. It's over. Oh, my God. It's over. Hold on. I think we need to keep spinning it. It doesn't move.

He continues to tell me. Hold on, I think he's stuck. I think I need to... I think he's stuck. I think we need a little bit of... Hold on. That's a clue. That's a clue. Hey, did that... Did that scarecrow... You guys, you guys go ahead. That scarecrow moaned suggestively when it locked into place or was that Gringo? I think it was both. With any sense of direction, do I get a sense of what

- 'Cause I would have tried to memorize our path to get here. Do I have a sense of whether east or west would take us back to the carnival? - Well, I think he's a rioting. - I would say that you know that you came from the south. And so depending on which way the east or the west diverts, but you would say each side has an equal chance. - To the west? - Is that left?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think we go. Let's go. Let's go left. All right. Oh, all right. We make our way to the east. You make your way towards the east. He's looking on in absolute horror. Did I say west or east? I don't know. We're going to go west. You're going west. So you make your way towards the west, which is the left. Goodbye. Goodbye.

And as you step out of the glade, the little circular area, the corn grows in behind you and Gricko's boobs shrink, your lustful nature fades away, and Frost, you are just overwhelmed with the thought of death. When it comes up. When it comes up. Well, it is a very strange carnival. I'm not used to being...

I feel full of different emotions. It's kind of exhausting, isn't it? Oh, it's not a very good parental role model. Yeah.

Well, there was a lazy Susan. I was acting more like that crazy Susan you matched questionably on. You never should have given her your real number. No. I'm sorry, Hootsie. I hope you can look at me in the same way again. I look at Hootsie. What expression does Hootsie have? Completely neutral. Disgust.

I guess she is an owlbear. I mean, that's kind of normal. Okay. You think this would go back to normal? They're not. They're just kind of like fried eggs on nails. Is that how your chest normally looks? No. What is wrong with you? I'll give you a little bit of definition. Do you think they have plastic surgery in the Playwild? Well, I hope so.

We continue. You do. You continue for quite a while, for about five minutes before you find yourself at yet another juncture, the choice between left and right. What's up to you, Frowl? Stop looking at me. Please. You wanted to come here. All right, all right. I'll stop. I'll stop. Gideon, it's your go. Oh, no. Oh, really? You know what?

Well, I don't want to touch Gricko, but what if I just threw you really high up in the air and you got a sense for where the center of the maze was? That would be cheating. Perhaps there's a magical barrier that could kill me. What? Oh. Oh.

Now why'd you have to go and suggest the death of Barry? He brought that up! Why would you say that you were gonna murder Frosty after you murdered poor Chuckles? I would never murder Frosty the way I murdered Chuckles. I manslaughtered Chuckles. Oh yeah, you manslaughtered him. We made it very clear last time. Yeah, exactly. I murdered my Chuckles! How could you forget about Chuckles? That was like an hour ago. Yeah.

Yeah, that was memories not that great for total intelligence. Yeah, wow, gosh. I'm concerned about him. It's okay, he's at the clown farm. Yeah, your actions lead to the death of a clown. Everybody forget. I mean, it was a clown-like farm in the sense that it was a clownishly run pig farm. We gotta get out of this maze. Are you a left-handed or a right-handed? Oh, well, you know, I mean, whichever one works at the time. That doesn't help much.

Okay, alright. Look, Frost, you wanted to come back here. You wanted to finish the whole fucking thing. I know. Left or right? I can flip a coin. I can roll a die. Which hand did you punch Chuckles with that killed him? Oh, it was the right hand. Chuckles!

It's okay, Frosty. He's in clown hell. And they don't have wine, so they're working on his drinking habits. He's in a better place. Let's just keep walking.

And so you go right and you continue walking. You have some twists and turns and some other choices that you have to make. And you do make them with relative ease, comparatively, before you make your way to a...

a small outcropping that has two arched doorways. And in front of each of them is what almost looks like a shimmering minor image of one is a happy face, the other is a sad. - If you told you then we should have gone with sad. - I should have made her a sad mermaid. - I mean, does this have any kind of relevance to Scarecrow? It's like a new fucking puzzle.

I imagine it's gonna be another puzzle. We can try the doors first, but as we approach one of them, it's probably gonna be like, well, I only tell the truth, and the other one's like, I only tell lies. Hey, Frost, walk up to that. Just walk up to that. Walk up to that sad face, Frost. Go fuck yourself. Get out of my house. I don't know what's in the fucking book. That's the puzzle? I walk up to the sad face. Man, you ever wonder about your mortality and just try to comprehend eternity?

- No. - Have you been cursed as well? Why are you talking like this? - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - Oh. - Is anything happening? - You cry, but nothing seems to happen. - You said it's a door. - It's an archway. - Archway, oh. - And so it's almost like a shimmering barrier.

- And I equated it to something like mirror, not mirror image, a minor image where it's like you can clearly see that there's some kind of magical thing in there. It's like wobbly magic. But it is, it creates the look of a happy and a sad face. - I was picturing like an opaque face. - It's like in a video game. It's how it shimmers and you know if you go through, you either need the thing to go through or when you go through it'll give an effect. - I'm gonna attempt to walk through. - No, attempt to walk through. - You attempt to and you're immediately bounced backwards.

Nothing. Hmm. I guess we need the thing. What thing? Uh, hello, happy door. You hear nothing. I'm gonna walk through the happy shard because my verb is being killed. You walk up and you bounce straight off of it. Hmm. Hello? Happy door. Why don't you not tell a joke or something? Oh.

Do you know any jokes? Well, he was crying, walked through the sad door, and still got thrown back. Yeah, I thought that was very clever. Well, he was sad, but maybe you have to make the door sad or the door happy. You know what I mean? It's not like you need to feel that emotion, but you gotta evoke it. Hmm. Hmm.

I continue to stand in front of a sad door. "Have you considered your mortality lately?" Because it's pretty rough. No. And then after I attempt to say that, it doesn't react or do anything. I'll test the barrier and get the pushback again. Nothing. Hmm. Happy face.

Well, isn't that kind of like drama? Put on a play or something? I would say that upon saying that, you do think back to the amount of plays and things that you've seen and that those are the symbols of drama. Oh, yeah. Like a comedy in the tragedy. Yeah, it's sort of the representation of performance. Ah.

Depends on what era of comedy shall we enjoy to reproduce, Crenny. Well, maybe we could put on a little show, fellas. Oh, yeah, that's sweet. We're great at shows. Well, I mean, there's no one like Frost in my read. I guess you could do a little juggling and hootsie dancing. No, don't we need to actually do a play with a story and some jokes? If it's a comedy...

Oh, well, since maybe if this new door prefers the current trend in modern comedy, he might enjoy this. Which door are you standing in front of? The comedy door, the laughing door.

Oh, dude, weed, LMAO. Oh, I'd smoked so much weed and there were boobs back there. Nothing happened. Thank goodness. Ain't nothing to laugh about.

I'm so glad that didn't work. I think you're onto something. We need to... Gosh, you know that rat at the child casino? He knew comedy.

Rat man. Can we tell a simple story? Rat folk, I think they prefer. Oh, you can't call them rat men? I would say you would imagine that it's worth a try. Can we act out a simple story where we'll assume roles and... Oh, like role play? Yes. Well, like an actor does. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if we can give it a try. Oh, yeah, we'll perform one. That's really what we're doing. We're pretending to be somebody else. One of the classics? Yes.

All those D&D classics that we know in the world of Adventurous. I don't know, probably something... Oh, comedy. Yes, I agree. Comedy would be refreshing. I'm really not much of a theater goer. I'm struggling to think of even... Here, here, here. You all three stand here. You guys are going to be

Pigs. I have a feeling this is where it's going to be. Okay. I'm going to be this wolf character. Okay. And each viewer inside different houses. Okay, Frost? What's my character's name? I don't remember the story well enough to pick any name. How about Phil? Oh, Phil! Okay. Because you're a pig. What's my motivation?

Your motivation is not to be eaten by me. That's it? Yes. Does he have any notable skills?

Well, he clearly knows how to build the house that he's in. Oh, so like carpentry or masonry? What's his house made out of? It's made out of hay. Oh, what? Oh, my character's an idiot! Okay. Hey guys, my name is Phil. I want to consume you. Why would you want to do that? You've made a very poor choice in housing material. What?

And now your house has been blown away by you. Nuh-uh. Yeah, yeah. Nuh-uh. And then I can see my house. No, no, no. My house comes in special fortified hay. It's not. It's magic hay. No, okay. You can just say how it's supposed to be. Nuh-uh. I put out a flamethrower and I killed a wolf. Ah!

Why didn't it walk for supper? Fear not, brother pigs. I mean, fear not, brother pigs. I'll slain that wolf. Oh my god, you killed me. Well, thanks, Phil. Yeah. You want to come to my superior house? No, I got special magic impenetrable

Hey, I'm going to be eating wolf nuggets for the winter. Your idiot should have made your houses out of hay. This went from comedy to tragedy.

Oh, two birds with one stone! I need you two to make a performance check at Disneyland. How is that ever going to be a comedy, Frost? Fucking awesome. Oh my god, I'm twisting. Oh, I'm twisting. I mean, that's what they're there for. Natural 20. Oh!

17. Okay. D100. D100s for the two of you. Oh, man. D100s, fellas. Oh, shit. That is not how the three little pigs go. A nine to two. That's pretty good. Let's see you. Is it 10 and a zero? No.

Your knees become feet. You literally need to run. A 10 and a 0 is a 10, right? Yes. Okay. Did you get a 100? No, no, I got a 10. This is gonna be the end.

Your breathing is loud and obnoxious. Crossy! You legs! Did it work? Tell me it worked. What? But oddly enough, oddly enough, the happy side of the door goes from being happy to being very, very sorrowful.

However, you're now looking at two sorrowful faces. You imagine that to unlock these doors, the other one needs to be changed. That could have been done with a play that exhibited both sorrow and comedy. - You could have thrown a few jokes, Krico, before you killed the fucking wolf. - But it looks like you're going to need to perform some more. - Maybe like a knock knock joke? - Yeah. - Oh, knock knock!

Who's that? The big bad wolf. Big bad wolf. Oh, I feel he was the smartest, most powerful big bad wolf in the world.

All right, I'll give it to you, Gringo. I feel like I need to wear a dirty white bathrobe and eat some gabagool out of the fridge. You have to make it into a story. I army crawl over to the corner of the corn and I just sit up. You guys are on your own for the next one. I've got too much shit going on.

You take it, you take it. What happened to your leg? I don't know. Again, again with the fucking, again with the fucking leg. They just locked together. Why does this keep happening? Oh, why don't we come back to this maze? It's all frosty. That is very annoying. What? Give me rest, too.

I can hear every breath. Every particle of air that's going through that snout. What are you talking about? It's very annoying. It sounds like a death rattle. Oh, God. No, death rattle sounds more like... Yeah.

I'm going to sit this one out and we're going to go away. Out of all cameras. So Gideon and Grimmy can enjoy something. That's all I'm going to do. Oh, man. So now we have to tell a funny play. Well, I'm at least making him smile. Oh.

You imagine it needs to be some sort of performance with a story. Like a joke doesn't work clearly. We gotta think of a story that's some sort of comedy. Oh my god, do we know any of those? I don't know. I mean, what really qualifies a comedy? Well, he just made up that thing about a wolf getting burned by a flame thrower. Sounds pretty funny. That's pretty funny. Yeah. What else is kind of in that genre?

Um... I don't even think. Anything? You could pay me money right now and I could not tell you a comedic story. Because I'm like completely blanking about... I'm just telling you. Three little digs. Someone will have a $20 bill and be like, take any comedy. I'll be like...

I have an idea if they don't figure it out. Your fucking legs.

Would you like some cured meats? There's pistachios in there. What about classics that are fun? I mean, they're all real grim. I keep thinking of stories like, oh no, everybody dies in that one. There's one about a mermaid, but she dies in the end. Oh, what even makes a story a comedy? Well, there's one about the two kids and the hag, and the hag dies in the end. She actually gets burned alive.

Well, what about, does irony count? I mean, irony's kind of funny, depending. What do you think? Well, I don't have any stories that are ironic. I just can't tell whether or not it counted. Oh, Gideon. Tell the door that there was wine in your sardine. What? It's very ironic.

I mean a flaw in your short enough. Or rain on your wedding day, perhaps. I don't think either of those things are ironic. I think it's just unfortunate advance. There was a thing about unfortunate advance, but I think there was horrible death in that, too.

I think some kind of house fire or, I don't know, some kind of death. Was that the family reunion you were talking about? Yeah. Oh, Chuggles had some funny stories. If only he could call me right now and tell me one of his hilarious comedic backstories so I could just retell it in a rendition in front of this door. I believe the distinction is tragedy is when something bad happens to me, but comedy is when something bad happens to you. So, uh...

Pick any story where there's some sort of comedic outcome to it, perhaps a villain for example. How about a story about a woman and a man falling in love but an evil king attempts to marry the woman anyway in order to secure his kingdom.

And she actually turns out to be a secret troll that magically overnight turns into this troll creature that I'm describing. And he could be very short and be defeated in the end.

I mean, something along those lines, perhaps. Are you talking about Shrek? Yes, in fact, the entire message of the story could be about appearances not being important, but the entire movie makes fun of the height of the king, and that's irony. LAUGHTER

It's pretty funny. I like that. You know what, fuck it. The door, the door, the sad door starts to laugh. Yes! And Shrek seems to say, "Yeah, I feel like Shrek needs to save you in this moment." Yes, that works. Thank you. Oh, we did it. I guess we just needed to tell a story. We didn't have to all participate. I was going to say, I could have played the short villain.

And he could've-- Grickle could've played the-- the ugly guy. What do you mean? I'm so symmetrical. Grickle is matriarch. Can you be kind enough to-- Yeah, yeah, come on, hop on up here. Yeah. I'll go over and pick up, uh, Frosty and let him sit on my-- let him sit on my shoulder. What happened to your legs?

Well, they seem to be fused again. Let's celebrate by making waffles! I'll probably die like this. You probably won't. Hey, no crying up there, all right? This is a new shirt. I'm sorry. Oh, we could have called it Shrek-o. Oh!

We make our way through, we still have to pick which door. You have to pick which door. Oh, there's different doors. ♪ Somebody once told me ♪ So you pick left? Left door. We're just gonna go left. You make your way through the left door and there are a couple of turns and eventually you make your way out of the gourd maze.

Oh. Are we back in the feasting carnival? Oh. Oh. And as you step into the feasting carnival proper, your legs unfuse and your fake curses fade from you. Hey, come here. You feeling better, Graco? You know...

I feel a need to be endlessly frustrated by people knowing something that they shouldn't have for seven entire seasons on repeat. But other than that, I'm fine. I can think about death again. Now, you have a list of classic comedies and none of them are funny. What in the hell? Why do they call them comedies? Because it ends in a wedding.

Oh, I guess they end in... But usually there's some real dark stuff going on. They all end in weddings? I think traditionally, if you're talking about the Great Bard. Oh, look! It's the Cupcake Chad! And all of a sudden, kids just start to swarm around you. Finally, back to polite society. You know, if you... How's that horrible maze? If you didn't have a proper joke...

All had a pretty good one. It was actually going to be about clowns and court relevant. Well, it wasn't about a joke, but I mean... Oh, it was a story, too. It was a very comedic story. Oh. Well, then please continue. Why did you go over and sit down and not tell it then? It was huff and puff. Because I was... Imagine... Snack on gabagool. All I could do was breathe very loudly and snack on cured ivory Italian meats. That was not part of your fate, Eric. Oh, my white robe!

- That was exhausting, and even though I have just restored my legs somehow, I would propose that we go to the Gondolas one so that we can sit and relax and not have to walk and--

These kinds of smooth ride kind of action. What do you think? I bet we didn't even get any credit for being the Witchlock King or whatever. You feel like you got nothing for doing that. That feels like we just wasted a whole lot of time, Frost. We only have eight hours here. I wanted to...

We had to solve puzzles. It feels like the DM probably just mentioned it to set the scene and you decided to do it and had to come up with something. That's what it feels like. Marky knew meta was, that's what it was. But I still wanted to do it. What?

How am I supposed to know that? In the rule of Game Design, Froster, you generally just have one attraction in each node on the map. Otherwise it'll get repetitive thematically. Well, shit, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was putting so much pressure on the universe. Well, shit. Did you not think we should go to the Hall of Illusions? Wasn't that where the kid could have just killed somebody or something? He's ruining the mood. Sounds like more wonkings.

I was proposing that we take a smooth, relaxed choice, but if you want to go to the Hall of Illusions because you enjoy that sort of thing, you please, by all means. Well, I've never been to a Hall of Illusions, but I'd be willing to give it a try. I just think maybe if we find this Kenku, then we take care of him. I think that, you know, maybe we get another ticket or we get some kind of reward. What do you imagine is a Hall of Illusions if you've never been to one?

You know, like a straight hallway where you walk down it and then, you know, I don't know, somebody whispers to you and, you know, things happen. I would say, Frost, you have read at least about Halls of Illusions, though none that have been in a fey carnival, and you imagine that this would be similar to what you experienced, but significantly worse. Yeah.

Very maze-like. Worse in like a... In every sense. Worse in like quality? No. Worse in like... In exhaustion. Yeah. Terror. Oh. Effort. So what you're describing is a corridor where there will be things that aren't real inside.

But it won't be scary at all. There's gonna be like breathing on your neck and like whispers in your ear. Yeah, I'd be surprised if you get all the way to the end with your knees not fused back together. Nobody tell Gideon what the whole illusion is. For a second, it sounded like you were just describing the alleyway behind the Ratman's Toil Casino. That wasn't an attraction? No, it was just the alley. It was a giant trash can. That was

That wasn't a part of it? No, there were eight raccoons. I thought they were performers. No, they only started performing because I played a jaunty tune on me whistle. And I got them away from attacking all of the children as they exited the casino. Well, they were very handsome dancers. They did kind of look like a ball pit. Yeah. We can give you a pass on that one. Well, thank you. I thought it was very reasonable to think so. There was also the broken animatronic Abraham Lincoln. LAUGHTER

I was born in 100 log cabins. I'm going to make a Futurama joke every time. I'm going to make just one.

And I'm gonna make a Futurama drink. I think I actually made three Futurama drinks before he punched the line. Let's go to the Hall of Illusions. I want you to see what it is for yourself. Okay. But, I mean, here's the thing. The Kenku probably won't be there right now because if he already, like, killed the mime, then I doubt he'd return to the scene of the crime. Oh, we'll get more clues if we talk to the mime. I get...

If we question the mom and have a nice conversation with him. Well, he might not be like a legitimate mom, so yeah, I bet he'd talk. Yeah, what do you want? I'd probably do anything for a couple of lectern pieces, you know what I mean? Do we ever have a mom?

I'm at a carnival of crew. No, we never had a mime. No, I hate mimes. Yeah, you said that. First of all, carnival of crew policy. No mimes. We're learning a lot about you, Kremi, and perhaps your childhood. On one end of the spectrum is unicorns, and the other end is mimes. And so you've got to wonder where everything else in your life falls on that spectrum.

I think everything could fit on a unicorn to mom spectrum. Exactly right. Oh, yeah, yeah. I may be able to speak to him with my mind. Oh. Oh. I mean, if he won't talk, yeah. And then he's not breaking his mom's vow of silence, right? I thought moms had a vow of celibacy.

I think that just comes with the occupational hazard. They get a vow, but they just don't get laid. Wait! Moms don't have a vow of celibacy? No, they have no game. That big titty golf mom that I was chatting up was lying to me? Let's go to the Hall of Illusions. We go. We hustle. So you are skipping a bunch of things and heading towards the Hall of Illusions. We're not skipping stuff. We can come back, right? Apparently.

If it's more... What are we skipping? If it's more, like, reasonable for us to hit... No, it's totally up to you what you guys want to do. We're putting so much pressure on the DM because she's like, what do I have to prepare? What do I have to prepare? Is it going to be this? Do I have to page 78 or page 77? Yeah. Look, I'll go to the Gondola Swans if you want. Oh, Jerry, I think he's going to meet me there with half a dozen of them. You can go to wherever you want to go. I just need to know so I can prepare it.

I think we go to the Hall of Illusions. I think so too. We got a deal with them. We'll find clues and soon they'll be saying Kenku. More like Kenku. Because he'll be out of here. That's very funny, Gregor. Thank you.

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plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You make your way through the Witchlight Carnival. You pass attractions that you have not been to, specifically the Gondola Swans. You feel a bit of sadness, and like you probably should have gone there first. As you make your... I'm just kidding. Do you think Jerry's going to throw away my tuna sandwich? I'm 100% kidding. No! As you make your way past these attractions, you make a mental note that...

If you're going to find this Kenku, there are probably many places that you're going to have to experience before you can do that. But the first place, the place that seems most reasonable, is the place that you know this Kenku has been. And that would be the Hall of Illusions. What's the booze? You slowly make your way up to it. And you see it off in the distance. Not off in the distance. You see that it is in front of you. But your attention is turned towards a glass cabinet.

A wooden mannequin of a grinning raven-haired young woman in witch's attire and a green flowing cape hovers inside a glass cabinet. At the top of the cabinet, a sign reads, Tasha the Wizard, known for her hideous laughter. A halfling couple holds hands as they approach the glass cabinet.

You watch on as this

as this halfling just rolls around on the floor laughing. But she is reaching out towards the man who had gotten down on one knee in what appeared to be an attempt to propose. And in his shame at her reaction, he darts into the Hall of Illusions. You do see that there is a mime standing outside of the Hall of Illusions. He looks like you, how you would expect any mime to look, but he's devoid of all color.

It's almost as if he is solely in sepia, or I guess tones of greyscale. He's in greyscale as he makes a gasped expression and reaches out and makes a hole punch motion with his hand. And then he looks shocked and scared, but he doesn't seem to chase after the male halfling as he runs into the Hall of Illusion. The mime following the halfling? The mime does not follow the halfling. Oh, okay, the halfling ran in. The halfling ran in.

all the while the female halfling is just rolling on the ground laughing. Are you all right, miss? I need you to roll a history check for me first. Didn't that guy die? I'm going to point at the mime. Oh, no, he said worse than that. And then I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. Who? Derek. Can I twist the history check? Yes. Twist it all.

Give me some 71. 71? Are you sure it's a 71? It's 170. I roll again. What time does Sean Connery go to the Wimbledon? Seven. 55. 55? You believe you are a child.

Okay, and for my wisdom saving throw... You think you're what? A child. Oh. I walk up to the woman in front of this glass box, and I get a dirty 20. Okay. So your intelligence, or your history, you got a dirty 20. Yeah.

You look up at this box before approaching the halfling rolling around on the ground and you immediately recognize who this is. It's something that you had studied and heard about. You don't know much, but you do know that Tasha was one of the names reputedly used for Iggwild, the Witch Queen. And this is clearly some kind of mannequin depiction of Iggwild.

- Or of Tasha. - Igwilv, I-G-G, well, that's probably not how you actually pronounce it, but I-G-G-W-I-L-V, the Witch Queen. - Igwilv, the Witch Queen equals Tasha. - Who is just Tasha, like if Tasha's called her? - And then what was your wisdom saving throw?

- Dirty 20. - Dirty 20. You immediately, as you step forward, you immediately feel yourself overcome by this aura of magic. And as you look, you look more closely at this glass cabinet with this,

this mannequin of Tasha inside of it and you're reminded of a very common spell that was written by Tasha herself, Tasha's hideous laughter, as you feel yourself overcome by it. You look down at this halfling girl and you realize what happened. Getting near this cabinet, there is an aura of that spell and her partner appears to have been able to withstand it.

She, however, did not. And if he's not aware of that, he probably took her laughter as sincerity. As she writhes around on the ground, unable to speak or say anything, she just laughs and laughs and laughs. Uh, deducing all of this, I'll look down at the lady. As you then become overcome by a fake curse, where you feel your mind start to change and warp. Your age, not what it should be. Not what it could be. It is what it is.

which is probably around eight. - You still look like adult man Frost. - Yes. - Oh no. - This is an adult man. - You just think you're a child, you don't become a child. - Yeah, I was trying to decide if I was gonna switch voices, but I'll continue as Frost.

Hey lady, you seem to have broken the heart of the man who was proposing to you because you were unable to resist the magical cabinet. Do you need assistance? Are you alright? She just laughs, rolls and laughs. She clearly needs assistance. Goodbye. That's child fraud. Wait, is that what happened? That's a dick. This cabinet here...

i think tasha was some sort of uh egg will the witch queen with uh another name for her what eggwilf are you familiar with eggwilf egg will egg i don't really study you know witches and stuff i think i had egg will over the diner once you notice as the um

You notice as the mime makes motions and eventually a couple of candy striper pixies make their way over and carry the halfling off. Is she going to be okay, pixie stripers? We sure hope so. Who knows? As they shove Toffee into a drought and try and help her. Hold on, hold on. She was with somebody. Yeah. Can we go fetch him? Where should we bring him? Can't we go to the Hall of Illusions?

That's where he is. That's where he ran into. I just want to enjoy the whole illusion. I feel like it's a big misunderstanding. I feel a little bad that, you know, all this happened right in front of us and you're acting a little bit like a dick right now. Yeah, Hootsie, I never ever want you to end up like that lady right there.

And by that, I mean dating a bloke that would propose in front of a gross marionette of a witch. And a carnival. I don't care how nice the carnival is. I don't care how magical and how much on your Instagram it is. Don't.

- Date no one is gonna propose there in front of a Growswitch mannequin. - Well, it wasn't the- - Find yourself a nice man. - It's not a Growswitch mannequin. It is in her Tasha form. She's beautiful. - Oh. - She's very beautiful. - Who would propose in front of a beautiful statue that's hotter than you are. We should know our place, you know? We should know what number we're at and we don't wanna have competing gays.

For a mannequin? For a sexy mannequin? Is it tough? Is it going to be like, oh, I'll tell you fortune, or does this make you laugh?

Why don't you find out? I'm gonna attempt to push the idea. I'm gonna attempt to push it into the aura of the box. I stumble and catch myself. I need you to roll wisdom saving throw. Oh shit. Frosty! Frosty! What are you doing? It's funny. Oh, it's not funny at all. Natural 20. Oh! You are able to fend off the effects of Tasha's hideous laughter.

All right, is there a place to put an electron piece or anything? I'm gonna look around and see if there's anything. No, it appears to just be a mannequin depiction. It's like a human or a lifelike doll in a cabinet. Oh, well that's it. No fortune telling or any other kind of witching business.

Maybe Graco can help you take a look. - What was it, what is it? I got a four naturally. - So you fail. - Oh, it's wisdom? Oh. - Yeah. - Frosty, have you lost your mind? Why are you pushing everybody towards this crazy? - 90 plus eight, right? - That was funny. - It's crazy, what a mannequin. - I'm six seven plus seven. - Plus seven, so I still, uh. - So 13. - 11. - Yeah, you fail.

You're pushed into it and immediately you, everything is hilarious. I'm just thinking about it. Tom Chuckles was laughing after you punched him. And his first day on the job, he's like, oh, I'm killing the clown. And everyone just called him Chuckles and so he just changed his name.

You know, Frost, there's no cure for this. It's not like Willy Wonka where they, like, Oompa Loompa show up and carry the kids out. It's over because there's, like, no way to fix them right away. Oh, my goodness. That's what the fairies are going to do to him. Oh! Oh!

You don't think they're gonna harvest the organs, do you? Well, I don't know now. There's Taffy. That was very rude. I won't slide, but to your best friend, Rico. Gideon, you better go help. Oh, there's Taffy? That'll just make me more laughy. Ha ha ha!

I'll walk up to Grit going, "Hey, hey, hey, cut him out!" Trying to get back on track. Wouldn't that have him cross the threshold in order for it-- Oh, it would, yes. Can you please roll a wisdom saving throw for me? Don't get too close! Oh no! You are an agent of chaos tonight, Derek. I appreciate this, thank you.

- Wisdom save? - Yes, wisdom saving throw. - I got a natural 17. - Oh, then you pass. It's 13 as the DC. - Okay, okay, okay. - You were able to step in. You do feel the magic wash over you, but it doesn't affect you as you grab onto Gricko and you start slapping him and shaking him. - Oh, I'm getting bruised now.

I'm giddy with Gideon. Well, this is just a funny situation, regardless of the spell. Oh, slash genuine laughter. Oh, yeah. Oh, Mark. I just feel like, you know, I can't go about it without hitting Greco. It does look kind of fun. Can I try? Okay, I walk in and I slap Greco. Oh, that's great. That's pretty good. You're good.

Come on. I'm not doing this. It's really weird. And it takes a while, but you do start to notice that some of the candy striper pixies are like hanging around outside of the outskirts as you're just slapping Gricko. They're not really sure how to get in and help, but they do eventually dart in and shove a toffee down Gricko's throat. Oh, I hope.

- It takes a bit of time, but you are able to be cured of the hideous laughter. - Oh God, save him, save him, save him. - Choke it down, choke it down. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Well, then we'll put it back down the right two. No, just cover his mouth and then hold his nose. And I just hold him down like this. I've done this before, I promise. Swallow it. He starts to go white. Swallow it. Are you sure? Give me a hand signal. Give me a hand signal. He passes out. But you do see that.

He does swallow as he passes by. Well, here's the good news. The good news is he swallowed the candy. I think he's fine. The bad news is I don't know when he'll wake up. You watch him for one, two, three minutes and he finally wakes up. I heard you roleplayed for about three minutes. Well, at least they gave him toffee. Feel bad for the halfling girl.

Oh, man. You feeling all right? Yeah. Dr. Gideon, M.D. I'm just thinking about how that guy waited eight years to propose to his best gal.

at a carnival like this. It's a very magical, like, you're thinking more like Cremys Carnival. This is a wonder to behold. Hey, hey. Listen, plenty of revolutions happening. So yeah, I guess it's more Disney. I'm thinking more of like Funland at the end of the pier in Ocean City. This is much more like Disney World. Oh, okay.

Oh, maybe we can do a character meet and greet with his mime, Grumby. Let's go talk to the mime. All right. A lot to do there, fella. He mimes taking his hat off and... I'll take my hat off and I'll put it back on. You feeling all right? We heard that you got into a bit of a scuffle with a certain feathery friend. Oh, foe. Oh, does that make you sad?

Oh, he... he choked you or...? Hey, cut your throat, huh? Oh, he cut your tongue out? Can we see? Oh, no, he got a tongue. Did the mime steal your voice? Oh, wait, the mime stole your voice? No, the Kenku stole your voice. Grimmy, that should have been obvious from the very beginning. I don't... I mean, he's a mime... isn't that what you want? Why does it make you sad? Your ring finger? Oh, did you lose your best gal? Because he can't speak?

Did you attempt to propose to her in front of the fucking witch queen? Oh, no, yes, no? No. I'll bet this store would open that door. Oh, wait, you're engaged or you're married? You're married? Engaged? Oh, it didn't work. Did you attempt to propose or did you fail at proposing? Or you were married and... Wait, wait, wait, yes or no? Yes or no? I got it now. Uh...

Were you able to propose in the first place? Were you unable because you couldn't speak? Would you consider this a fate worse than death? Oh wow. You got problems, Fred? Oh, was your best gal a mom too? Okay, I was gonna say, if it was that same mom girl I used to know, that'd be crazy coincidence. Did you lose your color through this process?

Is that a snake? Ah! No, no, the Hall of Illusions! No, is the thing that you love able to swim? Is it-- oh. Oh. Is she in the river all around this carnival? She's at the Swan Lake? Oh, she's in the river. Oh, she's probably in the gondola! Can you point at where she-- if she's in the carnival, can you point to her on the map where she would be?

He does point to the water. The lake area or the river around it? Both the lake and basically anywhere there is water. Oh. Wow, so she really gets around. Don't say it like that, that's very funny though. Oh no, she's confirming it, she does? Well, you know, it's fine.

It's nothing wrong with that. Alright, fella, um, is there something we can do to... can we help you? Oh! Yeah, alright. Oh, did your best gal look like this? Hold on, hold on. You scoundrel. What did you do? A giant breasted mermaid.

Oh! No wonder you fell in love! Oh! Oh yeah, those are seashells. The color, the fact that you're completely greyscale, is this related to this in any way? Oh, so you've lost your color. Was it also stolen from you?

From the can-cube. So, are you... were you even a mime before all this? I mean, what's the problem? He just actually turned you into a mime. Oh, he wants to perform. Oh, he wants to bang the... Oh, you want to give up your mommitude for a mermaid? Oh! She won't marry you unless you have color and voice? It's kind of superficial of her. Yeah, I mean, as long as you have a nice personality, that's what me momma always told me. Well, how's he gonna... Wait...

Oh, they fell in love because they spoke to each other. Oh, you can find other ways. Anyway, how did the Kenku do all this? It seems quite powerful. There's no how. You have no questions. How did the Kenku do it? Hold on. Find a way to rephrase it so that he can say yes or no. Oh, rephrase it. Okay, hold on. I got it. In which way did the Kenku...

Hold on, how about this? Hold on. How about this? Oh, okay. When the Kenku took your voice, what was he or she doing? You're fucking it up right now. Oh. Give me one more chance, and I'm gonna ask it. Maybe we just ask him which way did the Kenku go after he could just point. Hold on, I got it. Is the Kenku a powerful wizard or something? Oh. Oh, he's a powerful wizard. What? What?

Oh, he's a wallop. Wait, how do you know I was a wallop?

I mean, you're carrying a cane with a skull on it. Oh, fuck. You're wearing a con badge that says, Cremi, Warlock, Patron, Baranthomony. Did this happen to you today?

You've been like this for a long time. And it was this Kenku, still. The same one. Well, do you happen to know where it-- well, first let me ask you this. If we kill him, will all this go back to normal? No, it won't. Do we need to steal something from him? Take something back? Oh. Do we gift him something? What should we do? We can't kill him. We can't steal from him. This sucks. Well, no, but we need to take something back. So if we bring him back here--

Is that bad? That should be bad. He'd be scared if we brought him back. But if he were bound, if you were unable to perform magic, we could ask him or force him to give you back your color and your voice. We could cut off his beak. What if all his hands were broken? That's all very violent. Well, there's no rules about being violent. I just can't steal from him. Oh, is there not? Are there rules about violence in this carnival?

So if we murdered this Kenku, we wouldn't go to carnival jail? Oh, we would be sad. No, no, the mood of the carnival would be ruined. Oh. What about justified killings of terrorists, politically motivated or otherwise? That's a good point. That's a good point. It might be cause of mischief of some sort. Yeah! Everyone would celebrate if we killed a terrorist. Yeah, if you'd be an enemy combatant, that's a whole other thing. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

How hot is the Kenku?

Oh, okay, so he's not an idiot. Well, here's an interesting... Okay, ten words. Oh. These are ten. Oh no, the mermaid. The mermaid. It's a woman. The Kenku is a woman. The Kenku is... Wait, Kenku can't fly. Why are you flapping your wings? Well, Kenku have wings. Dude, they don't got wings. They just got little hands. Well, that's sort of wing-like. I don't know. They're covered in feathers. Little hands. Eight words. Three, eight. Seven, eight. Eight words.

Oh, she's a seven or eight. Oh, it's a she. That's a pretty fine looking cat. And let me guess, your merfolk is a ten out of ten? Oh, that's a lot of tens. Oh, and then what number is she? Oh, if only you could laugh, Pork. Oh, what's your name? Oh. Oh.

Fire? Lantern? Flame. Lampwick? Fire, uh... Lampwick. Orange. Fire. Yellow. Lantern. Heat. Glass. Candle. Fire. Candlewick! Your name is Candle? Oh, just Candle. And then I'm not going to do it, but he raises his foot up and points at it. Candlefoot! Candlefoot? Candlefoot? Candle... Candletoe. Candletoe? Oh, wait, no, there's the old nursery rhyme. Oh! Jack...

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack jump over the candlestick. Is your name Jack? Oh, oh, oh, Candle Tarantino. I thought you were going to go somewhere else when we said Candletoe. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. Yes, so he, yes, it is Candlefoot. Oh, okay. Okay.

Great. Nofwin Candlefoot? Ha, I don't know if you recognize me.

I used to work at the staff area. I also carved pumpkins and probably other things that we'll discover and improv along the way. This was many years ago. Yeah, it was a long time. I was into the drink a little bit. Weren't you hoping people don't recognize you here? Didn't you leave on not the best of terms? Yeah, I mean, I think they don't really care that I kidnapped Hootchim, and she's been walking around with this very cute pumpkin on her head, and nobody seems to care. So I feel like we're not really on the lam, so to speak.

That definitely kind of, you know, harsh the whole vibe of the carnival. Thank God that's not the case. Yeah, that'd be very unfortunate. But I mean, I feel like they want to get rid of her anyway. I know that you can't answer complex questions very easily, but are you aware, yes or no, of the Kenku having additional abilities beyond its ability to sap your color and your voice? You don't know. Very interesting. I'm bored now. You want to go in the hall of illusions? Ha ha ha!

He lifts up his hole punch and motions towards your tickets. Hold on, hold on, real quick. Last thing. Would you be happy if we found the Kenku and robbed it of all of its possessions? Broke its hands. Broke its hands. Cut off its beak. Broke its toes. Found it, gagged it. That'd make you sad.

A little scared? Alright, okay. We won't bring the Kenku back here because the Kenku's a powerful wizard, but we'll steal all of its things. We can still cut off its beak and break the thing in the form. It went from scared to happy and then back to scared again. Oh, is that scared? Is that more ponderous? You just look a bit confused. Are Kenku beaks valuable, Kermie? Well, I'm thinking if it's like a wizard and he can be like...

And I cast spells. Wait, if we cut off your snout, could it do voodoo magic? Don't fucking think about that. No, I'm just saying, by the powers of voodoo and alligators. If I can't speak, absolutely. You've just given me an idea. What? The Kenku. Ken who? Has stolen a voice. It's doing it again. Don't Kenkus normally communicate with mimicry?

The Kenku, then, we are going to find. Oh, this is a tragic tale of a misunderstood bird who just wanted to beat her own curse on account of her horrible dark... And it's not her fault that they was all cursed. Well, how about that time she almost killed that dwarf? Oh, that's true. It seemed like he was kind of a dick. Maybe he deserved it. We don't know his backstory. Well, that's fair. All right, well...

Can you somehow mind what we can do to help you, if it's possible? He looks towards you and... You're a mermaid. A snake. He points towards your map. Oh. And he motions to the river around it and points directly at the gondola swans.

Oh. I felt a little bit of regret when we passed by those gondola swarms. I feel like the order of operations for this mystery may have illuminated itself organically. I imagine many people who come to this carnival just do it in a clockwise order. Well, look, now we have the clues, so when we go back, we can address it properly with the right information. Oh, right. Okay, so is the Kenku at here? You don't know. Is your mermaid lady friend there?

- Oh, there's a snake there, little fish. - He was trying to motion towards the water, essentially signifying to you that the gondola ride takes the entire perimeter of the carnival, so it is a great place to get information because it sees all of it in one one-hour ride. - And your love could be at any spot on the entire perimeter? - He points to the Silversong Lake. - Okay, so in the lake.

Oh, probably. I mean, oh, probably in that big clam. That was actually, that was not a bit. That was actually Mikey. I can't even get Griggo's voice right. Oh, no, no, no.

I think we know that we have to do the gondola squall. Even though it sounds boring. I got some clown flavored popsicle in my throat. It's just a toffee. What does it taste like, clown? Maybe clowns taste like toffee?

"Cock-hot toffee tastes like clown. Does anyone know what toffee's made out of? Toffee?" Yes, they do. "Oh." "That's not very exciting. Let's go to the Hall of Illusion." "Is there anything else that you would like to convey to us through motion?" "All right, so after this we'll go right to the lake. Scouts on." "The gentleman who ran in here didn't get his ticket punched. Does that mean that Gideon gets to punch him?" "Oh!"

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Are there consequences? We have to worry about... You're scared. You're scared about the consequences for the band. So he just gets to do that with no consequences? No, there will be consequences. We can't uphold the justice of the carnival? Oh, wait, what's your name? Candlelight. Oh. Are you on a break with your mermaid lady? It sounds like he... Does she have any favorite interests or hobbies?

Oh, swimming. I should have guessed that. That's pretty obvious. Probably what singing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said it before. You saw it. Yeah. Okay. What you'd expect? I mean, just because I have legs doesn't mean I enjoy walking.

He's my fucking ticket. He punches your ticket. I don't feel like we're really gonna get into whether there are consequences for not getting punched. We should all just rush in. Just walk in. As long as we get punched, we don't have to worry about it. I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you, but we'll get your voice back. Let's, uh...

- Let's find out what this is for. - Hall of Illusions. - Do I have a curse or is this you? No, does this you have a curse right now? I never know. Oh, the Hall of Illusions. - You look like asshole Frost, don't you? - That's how it got me. - You walk into the Hall of Illusions and you're immediately met with walls and walls of mirrors. It's hard to tell which way this place turns and moves because the mirrors are reflecting everything back at you.

And as you look into them, you see that you are... You are reflected back as children. The forms that you had taken when you were kids. What would each of you have looked like as a child? That seems very natural to me right now. Yeah. I would probably...

have like a very rounder cherub-esque face. I'm thinking like young Simba kind of action. I would have a very haughty look on my face. Like I'm obviously the protagonist of everyone's story.

- I would probably have, obviously I'd be a lot smaller and I haven't grown into my ears or my nose yet. So, and my hair is absolutely wild. So it's like that,

- What is it, the vulture from the Robin Hood movie? Where he's like, he has the thing and he's complete and his beak comes out from the hair. So basically I, I literally, I haven't grown into my chin yet. And so it's just like a complete like mane of hair and just massive ears and nose and like maybe like a little bit of a chin coming out and like that's, and my mouth. So you won't, can't see my eyes.

- Yeah, I think I'd be smaller, obviously, like way, way smaller. I wouldn't be anywhere near like strapping or- - You're scrawny. - Strongish looking, yeah, scrawny. - Still like beard though. - Tussled hair. - Yeah, that's some- - And instead of a majestic full beard, it's just a five o'clock shadow at eight years old. - At eight. - It's just how it was in real life, you know? So, yeah.

I would be a, so this Kremi that you see would be a short, scrawny kid with tattered overalls, dirty white shirt with like a big, a leather like straw kind of beat up hat. Looked like he was just sort of stomping around in the mud or catching frogs or, you know, helping his me monster, the gumbo, you know, something like that. Just totally different.

Not at all the crisp dressed Kremi that you're used to. Oh, so our outfits also would reflect. Yeah, you would look like what you look like. You don't look like that as you look at each other. You're clearly adults. You're clearly yourselves. It's just your reflection in the mirrors are resembling

I presume it would be me in my current robes, but just the appearance was changing. No, you just look like... So without my robes on, and as a reflection of my childhood, I would be wearing simple farmer clothes. Hmm.

I'd probably be like, "Ooh." I'd probably wear like alligator skin or like crocodile skin. You know, something that would be in like a bog or something, like just beasts. Like there'd be like, maybe leopard pelt or like, you know, something like that. What is that? Do I look like...

Are we gonna transform? And I look around and I see... Oh, look at little Gricko. I would escape. We're in a Hall of Illusions, Krimmy. Ah, this is what happens. This isn't so bad. I know a thing or two about illusions. Oh, look at Hootsie. This is some advanced stuff. Oh, she's like this big and she's all head. Oh.

- Oh, she's so cute. - I thought you were cute now, you two, but-- - Oh my goodness, no. The day I met her, she looked just like that. - Wow, what a fuzzball. - She's a little fuzzy February ball. - You think this is just these mirrors or like any kind of mirror? And I take out my-- - I need you all to roll a wisdom saving throw. - Oh, okay. - I'm reaching for my compact mirror as this happens.

I bet you never thought you'd hear that in a DNA campaign. Gimme them 12. Okay. 15. 18. I will not be allowing twists of fate in the Hall of Illusions. That's your prerogative. 26. Okay. What did you get? 15. 18. Okay, well, Frost, you are a child. You look as Frost now resembles the child in the mirror.

You begin to shrink down and your clothes change. You are this eight-year-old Frost. No kentukes. What? Wait.

Am I still me? I flip out the, open the compact mirror and I check my Kananon mustache. Is it still there? It is still there. Oh, and I pull out like this thing that looks basically like this big tube of lacquer stick. Oh yeah, roll for Hootsie. And I retouch my pencil-thin mustache that I keep on the end of my snout. What is her? The DC's 15. No. She's exposed to you. She's exposed to you.

Hey, you're still you. Am I still me? You're still you. I mean, the three of us are still us. Oh, look how cute Frosty is. He's a little kitty whiskers. Just because I look like that in the mirror. No, you look like that now. Yeah, now you actually turned into a child. Oh, my goodness. Do you want to ride Hootsie? Well, I look in the mirror, but this is how I... Oh. Oh. Well, shit. Well, you've got small little kitty legs. Look at your paws. You've grown into them, John.

I'm gigantic. Yeah, I'm the same height as you now. I know. Look, hey, Ruth. Hey, you know, Charles, why don't we rap about how listening to your parents is cool and how you should do your chores after school?

I really wasn't that cool to kids. Well, we've got to go to the Ratman's Child Casino. Go on the alley. No, don't go behind the alley. Apparently that's not an attraction. Well, you've got to... That's where the raccoons live. You've got to go through the raccoons into the Child's Casino run by the Ratman. Oh, okay, okay. And his jamboree.

Do you feel any different otherwise? Like, is your mind still... Like, do you have the mind of a child? I have all my memories and knowledge. I just... Oh, could you fry all of our brains just by looking at us, too? I'm not going to try. I'd probably fry all of your brains by just giving you a look. Well, remember, you still have that effect, the Fae Curse, that makes you think you're a child. Yes, so... Oh, this is interesting. Oh! Do I...

- You are essentially- - I have the personality of myself as a child, but my abilities, or do I- - No, you believe that you are just eight year old Frost. I would say you still have your memories, like in the sense that you know who everyone is, but you don't believe that you have your abilities. - Hey, Frost, yeah. And I throw my cane, I've probably done this before, and

Expecting you to catch it with your mind. Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, I thought you'd catch it. I was never very dexterous. Oh, that was so much better than him catching it. Ow! Well, no, I'm not. The point is, you should have caught it with your mind, not with your hands. I mean...

You gotta tell me next time, right? You're so cute! I don't think I can. I mean, when I was eight, I only had a sense of my ability. I couldn't even do the talking into the brain stuff. What is this? The playlist ran out, probably. Oh, it's Thomasin! Thomasin, shut up! Gosh! Tom's sister has such a nice voice, but she just doesn't... She can't read the room. She can't read the room for the life of her.

Okay, little Frosty. Gosh, look at you, you need to eat something! Does anyone have any food? Look, he's wasting away! I could eat. Would you like a rat snack? Do little children eat rat snacks? That are tabaxi? Let's finish the-- we're in a hall of illusions with this goal. We got a punch ticket where if we have to go out and get food and then come back, we're gonna have another punch-- let's just fuckin'-- Okay, well you stay with Hootsie Buddy System. It's like a field trip.

Can you ride Hootsie? Yeah, you gotta ride- I don't wanna do that! Well, you have to ride Hootsie, okay? I don't wanna do that. Well, you have to! No, I don't! You're very small! Do you see how small you are? Do you see how- you are too small for this ride. No, I'm gonna go forward and I'm- maybe they're- Young man! Young man! What? You need to listen to Uncle Kremi and Uncle Gideon, okay? And you're gonna buddy up, it's gonna be a buddy system with Hootsie, and you're gonna let the adults lead you through, and you're gonna stay out of trouble, okay?

And you will get a nice sweet, a nice wedge of cake and a pinwheel, perhaps. Very weird feeling like you're eight and having decades of memories that are adult. Well, this is a horrible, nice thing. This is a really, really fucked up place to be, you know? It's kind of this, your mind gets fraught. I'm kind of used to it at this point.

I'll hold on to Hootsie. - Very nice. Hootsie, now see, look! Frosty, you're like little buddies! - I think about punching the pumpkin, but I reconsider and grab onto Hootsie and I'll let you lead me to the next mirror set and hope that this reverses my age, 'cause I'm probably gonna become an old man and shit my diaper at the moment. - And you do make your way further in and you,

You keep looking and you're trying to find the turns and it seems like it's fairly linear in the sense that it doesn't give you too many choices on which way to go. But as you move through, you finally start to notice that you're not reflecting as children anymore. You're in your early teens. Early to mid-teens. I need you all to roll a wisdom saving throw, please. Oh, no. I hope I pass.

16. Okay. DC's 15. 19. I'm gonna have to start raising DCs for level 3s. Jesus. Yeah, honestly, you should add 10 to everything. I'm rolling hot fire. Because between this and the twists. Yeah. 11. 10. The two of you immediately...

transform into your early teen selves. And I do want everyone to describe yourselves. You remain a child. - Yeah. - But Gricko, you are now physically the oldest of the group as you're next to Child Frost and Teen Kremi and Teen Gideon. - Hootsie fails, but I presume nothing would change. - She looks pretty much the same. - There's one zit right here. - Yeah, she's got one zit.

Oh, well, so what you'll see is Kremi would be wearing an apron and kind of a dirty chef's hat and just some simple kind of clothes that he would have had from Agwe. Around that time, he would have gotten his first jobs cooking in the crawdad quarter. Yeah, and Gideon...

It would probably start to be a little more defined and definitely not bulky, but similar kind of outfit, but would be covered very dirty, covered in just dirt from working the fields with his dad. What does Teen Gricko and Teen Frost look like? Gricko's hair is even longer.

Black eyeliner. Yeah, exactly. No, it's, uh, and he has, uh, very clearly like a, um, some sort of, uh, leather, uh, perhaps like a wolf or some sort of, uh, swamp creature, uh, leather jacket. Uh, it looks very much like, uh, like, uh, what's his name? Uh, Eddie from, uh,

From Stranger Things. Oh, yeah. It looks like a leather jacket. And there's like some sort of a strange word written in goblin seemingly on the back across it. And he looks very kind of like rebellious. His nails are painted black. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's going to join basically a metal band. Perfect. Love that. Love that for him. Yeah.

Compared to the laboring clothes that I'm in now, and I assume that my clothes did change when I transformed into a child. Yes, they did. In the mirror, you do not see the robes yet of such dramatic quality that Frost typically wears. Instead, he's wearing a dark tan, not quite brown...

very, very simple, almost like monkish outfit with a very dark green sash, but it is unadorned. It's extremely minimal. And you can see he's starting to get some of his definition in the sense that he's like

Not beefing up because he's not a strong man, but he is better, he's more well-eaten, let's say. And he is starting to get like just a little bit of the tufts here and whatnot, but his full beard hasn't quite grown in. He looks thin and sort of serious and determined, I would say. And you are a young child, an eight-year-old, looking at what you're going to look like when you're 15. Yeah.

It's a strange place to be, whereas the two of you, you're looking at... That's what you look like right now. You are... Oh, man. You're young again. This is great. I haven't felt this flexible, and my back hasn't felt this good in years. How do you... Oh, my goodness. How do I look? Oh.

I mean, I hope this is temporary. I don't really know how they're doing this, but this feels awfully real. I mean, it would be better if it wasn't temporary. We'd be able to live much longer lives. Well, who knows how much of, you know... It'd be a horrible existence, I imagine. There'd be some cost. We're still the age we are, just looking like this, though. I mean... Okay. You never imagine going back and re-experiencing life, but with your same memories, it's suddenly transported into a youthful body.

You know, when I was this age, I so wanted to not be who I was. I so wanted to wear those nice suits and make all that money. But, you know, it was simple times. It was fun times. It was cooking, you know, making my gold piece. But you're not who you were. You're who you are now with all of your memories. My God, you're greasy.

I'm actually just dirty from the fields. I have thought about living these years again. I didn't quite get the opportunity the first time. The hobgoblin warhost rolled in and took these years away from me. So, I don't know. That's a lot of hair on your arms for 15.

That's impressive. It's just genetics. Ain't nothing you can do about it. Isn't it pronounced genasi? Genotics is what I said. Okay. Well, you two lads, two young men, you keep an eye on the children in the back. All right. And just make sure these scamps don't get into trouble. Make sure that Hoochie keeps balancing that little pumpkin very cutely. Is that my chef's hat?

What was that? You like my chef's hands? Oh! Yes, it's quite nice. I thought I-- oh jeez, don't chill. That genasi. I'm gonna go back and duck a candle toe. The genasi was quivering in anticipation. Join our Discord.

I am going to write a lemon. About the Genesee. Anyway, I think I look pretty good in an apron. Chef's hat. Does it actually change our clothes? It changes your clothes and it changes your personality. You are a 15-year-old you. Well, I mean, you still cook for us. No, I know, and I still have an apron. A chef's hat is not as old and dirty. Yeah. It's just sort of something charming about it. I don't think I could, honestly, it's weird to picture you not wearing

like completely perfectly put together or when you're not put together very upset that you're not perfectly put together. It's very interesting. Yeah, but you know when sort of where I'm at now it feels normal, you know what I mean? Sort of where I am now, that's where I will be. Oh man, this is kind of weird but like you know when you're... So you're less neurotic. When you're living it every day, you know, it's a far-off ambition.

And then you get it and it's like, well, I gotta do more. And then you kind of get more and it's like, oh shit, well, I gotta keep up. I gotta keep doing it. Well, just like a young Gideon, it's a good lesson for you, young man. You should always think about this when you're striving to be the best. What is the winner of the pie eating contest, kid? More pie. Let us continue through this hall of illusions. I think you were cooler with the cane.

Oh, my cane. I hope all that stuff comes back. Oh, I'm sure it'll come back. This is all an illusion. You're probably just still mustachioed, crummy LaCroix with your top hat. I got this frying pan. Oh.

And maybe this knife too. If a DM will allow it. Well, maybe you can make us some of your famous beignets, but from your earlier years. Anyway, keep an eye on the little Precocious Rascals. And you progress further into the Hall of Illusions.

And you continue to walk and you see yourself age directly in front of you as you walk past these mirrors. It's a strange feeling to see the progression from your youth to where you were when you walked in. As now all of you are staring at yourselves exactly as you had been. And I all need you to roll a wisdom saving throw. - Oh.

Wait, exactly after you had been? When you walked in, yes. Okay, so this is the turn back to normal. Modern, modern, modern. 10. Yes. I got him with fate.

I don't win a 19. 10, 18. You remain a youthful Gideon. You failed this one, so you don't get to go back to your form. Nothing happens to you, Gricko. Nothing happens to you, Frost. You're still Child Frost. But you do regain your form again, Kremi. As your cane appears in your hand, your top hat is pristine. It looks like you've just applied your pencil-thin mustache. Well, I'm back.

Well, none of yous are. Yeah, no, I'm still... I feel like I was kind of ripped off by this whole of illusions. Well, I mean, maybe you should be less wise. Ever thought about that, Rico? Is that how that works? I mean, in a meta sense. I mean, I quite like the illusions that I'm seeing in the mirrors, but the fact that I'm like, oh, it's just me. I mean, you know, it's nice for a little bit, but at the end of the day, I'm glad I am where I am.

I guess. After getting all of our money embezzled by, uh, Randall...

His name was Colin. Oh, I keep forgetting his name was Colin. Oh, God, he probably hated me. He was an energy vampire. Oh, Colin. Why did I think his name was Reynolds? Why did no one correct me? Because it was funny. It was funny. I think I'll pass him. We ate oatmeal together every single morning. I was like, oh, really?

Hey, Reynolds, how you doing? And no one ever corrected me. That's probably why he embezzled so much gold. Probably because of you. He probably hated you. I didn't mean to. Hopefully it wasn't because I didn't pay him a few times. Either way. There were a lot of angry carnies.

- Anyways. - Anyway. - Shall we continue? - You continue. - Okay, young men, young lads, learn from the follow Uncle Crummy and Uncle Gricko on another whirlwind adventure. Perhaps you'll return. - And you continue to make your way through, watching your life pass before your eyes as you walk through this hall of illusions. - This is a nightmare.

And you finally get to what feels like there's a little bit more left of this Hall of Illusions, but you find yourselves in a circular room with all the mirrors pointing towards you. You all look into them and you see yourselves in your old age. 90, 100 years old in human equivalency times, however that works for each of your races. And advantageous most races are.

- And you stare at yourselves, your skin wrinkled, your hair gray, your body's hunched from years of caring, just the weight of the world on your shoulders. And I need you all to roll for a wisdom saving throw. - Oh, please, God, please. - The DC is higher on this one. - Please, no. - 15. - Graco gets a natural one. - Okay. - Cootsy gets a 21. - We can't twist, can we? - Nope. - 11.

Four? Four. Every single one of you feels your body begin to change. You feel aches and pains in places you didn't even know existed on your body. As your shoulders hunch, your skin begins to sag, your hair turns gray. It is...

It's difficult to stand. You're using your cane to hold yourself up. - Oh, my feet! - Cane-zooks, kid! - Oh, no! - So you're just 36. - Oh, no! My everything hurts! - What? Oh!

What do you say? Why are you... Stop shouting, Frosty! Hootsie! Are you still... Oh, of course you're still... I'm Frost. At least I still have this cane. Have I told you about the Haradrim? What? Speak up, Rolster. Frosty, Haradrim died a decade ago. Why is everyone whispering? Haradrim. What? What?

A rod drum. Oh, galladrums. Well, I suppose this better not be permanent. We should all enjoy some ye olde fashions, I think. I wouldn't say no to that. There we go. Well, Gadzooks, I think...

I'd like to continue on or get transformed back. I think I'd like to take a nap. Well, that sounds good. Early dinner. Well, no. It's a little late for dinner already. It's four o'clock. Oh.

And yes, we are. We miss suffering. We miss the early special. I'm going to propose shuffle. Oh, that's awful. Let's go to the displacer beast track. Hmm. Hmm.

I've developed a little bit of a gambling habit in me old age, so I love it. The chairs are so uncomfortable. After I've earned all of me gold from old relatives,

Rest of may he rest in peace. Presumably, if we're this old, he must be a spooky skeleton. Guys, I hope I don't make him this long. Can't we just go to bingo? Oh, leopardy is on. I'm going to go to the tracks. I'm going to put in my teeth. Oh, God. Oh, God.

the noise well you know I wouldn't mind watching leopardy oh yeah I love leopardy why don't we just sit down and I think watching leopardy last time the contestant lost and he tried to reason with the leopard scowl

What a goofus. We can't miss that next episode. I keep forgetting to answer in the form of a question. Oh, straight to leopard with you.

Anyways, I feel like we should move on at this point. I feel like this bit has gone and run its course for the whole thing. I feel like this has gotten enough room to breathe. We've met all the older references we could possibly think of. That's not true. I just hope that when we transform back into our old selves, that it cleans the shit out of my pants.

Now we've made all the references! I say out of character. Mikey says out of character that we proceed. We're in a circular room of mirrors. The final-- The snow hallway, isn't there? Are we in a circular room? Yeah, you're in a circular room. There's always a

A path forward. Yeah, and you move around and you eventually find the place where the mirrors are. A mirror hip. Hermie breaks a hip and a mirror. But you eventually find the opening in the mirrors and...

Do you guys want to proceed further or do you want to stay in this room? No, please. Same us. And as you make your way out of this room, you once again see the mirrors lining the hallway, but you feel yourselves return back to your normal forms, as the mirrors that reflect in front of you are of what you should look like in this time on this timeline.

There is, however, something different about this space. The very end of this hallway, there is a much larger gilded mirror. The metal that it's made out of is almost like a, almost like the way light shines through a crystal prism as it illuminates with rainbow colors. And you see in front of it,

Just staring into the mirror is the halfling man that you saw run in here. And he, it sounds like he's talking to someone. And as you make your way further down the hallway, you see that on the opposite side of the mirror, there is a small girl dressed in rags, a pig mask on her face. As she leans in and motions towards him to come follow her, you see that her spindly arm reaches out of the mirror towards him, reaching for his hand.

You listen as it's clear that he's upset as he says, And all I wanted was just to ask her to be my wife. We've been saving up for seven years to come to this carnival. It is tough to get that many gold pieces to come to a place like this. We've loved each other for so long. And I just, when I told her that,

That I had something special I wanted to say when we went to the Hall of Mirrors so she could see how beautiful she was. The way I see her in my eyes. I thought it was gonna be the perfect place and then she just starts laughing at me and she just... It was awful and I didn't know what to do and I ran in here and... It's okay. It's alright. Just come with me. The Hourglass Coven has a place for you.

I promise. They'll make all your dreams come true. The sadness you feel will go away. They might even make you forget this day. I see that you don't have your ticket punched. But that's alright. Come on. Do I get- With us. Do we get the sense that this is not an illusion?

It is very clear it is not an illusion. Are we all back to our normal selves? Hey, guys, do you feel like that woman is too pig-masky and far too arm-spinly to be someone that that halfling fellow should follow? It's in great danger, we need to go out. Excuse me, would you kindly please stay away from the gentleman? I cast Suggestion, I'm a hag. Go ahead. I think it's a wisdom saving throw. I don't know if it's a hag.

It could be a servant of a hag. It passes. Well, if it's a hag, what's suggesting it wouldn't work? Step back, sir. Step back. You're in great danger. Oh, fuck. You watch as he turns to look at you and she reaches up and grabs his face. No, they can't help you. Only we can. And she grabs his hand. Come with me.

And he begins to step through the mirror. - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Wait, it was a misunderstanding! She still loves you! - He stops for just a second and he shakes his head. "No, she never loved me." And he steps in through the mirror and you hear a clank as the wedding ring, the engagement ring that he had been carrying hits the floor.

As he disappears into the shimmering surface of this prismatic mirror, you watch as this small pig-like creature, it looks like a child in rags wearing a pig mask, fully steps into frame and looks at all of you from one to the next to the other. And a big smile appears on the half of her face that is visible beneath the pig mask.

small razor sharp teeth as she looks at you, almost with a sense of glee. And she turns and disappears into the shimmering darkness. - No, no, no, no, no, I mean, there's some kind of doorway and I'm gonna run up to the golden mirror and try to like feel around. - You feel it and at first it feels almost malleable,

But then you feel that it begins to harden and that strange shimmering green prismatic light that you see behind it. It's like a, the best way to describe it is if you were looking into a rainbow, but there was almost like a murky green film in front of it is kind of what it looks like. A rainbow in a swamp.

you see as that begins to fade away and all you see is the reflection of all four of you staring at this mirror. And that is where we'll end the session.

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