Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 28 | A Comedy of Errors
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This is Bavlorna's book.

It's where she writes all of her grudges. I had it stolen. Would it be too much to ask my newfound friends to return this book to Bobble and Charm and get them to return it to Bavlona? If there needs to be a duel to the death, maybe one of you would volunteer as her challenger. For now, you walked through Downfall as the hands of the king. Stop by and talk to Morgo and maybe...

perchance purchase some things, gain some intel from Bobble and Charms, and then loop your way back around to the Soggy Palace. And once there, we'll get you outfitted in your gear to perform in Electrum Chef, and then we'll have some fun and games. You now hold in your possession a brooch of the king. You do have Bavlorna's big book of bad blood. A clown. Someone who has never been here before. Rising from the depths of hell. I cook for the pizza. Ha ha ha!

- Momo has entered the chat. - What the hell? - They're clearly preparing for celebration and a large feast and eventually a lectrum chef. - We need to talk to her, convince her that we are on her side, convince her that we are going to meet her in the arena and that we are going to fake her opponent's death.

pretend to fight. One of us pretends to die. The jail in front of the proving grounds. There are two guards standing there with their spears crossed in front of you. You hear, I'm not telling you nothing. You are now members of the Sagi Court. laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

I would like you all to roll a d20. Oh no! Ripple didn't do anything wrong! You know what, fine, you don't have to. I was cool. I'm doing it, I'm doing it. I'll accept my fate. 11. 19. I'm choosing between the list. She's already hating us. I ain't telling you nothing, nothing, kids.

You will take no steps. What did you get, Cremmy? Thirteen. Gricko? Eleven. Ross? Fine. Okay, cool. We'll resolve those as I see fit. Okay. You are... I love that. You are now knights, or members of the Soggy Court, in name only. After your meeting with King Gullop the 19th,

You have discovered a bit more about what it means to be a member of the Thagatjord, what the politics are like, and who this king really is. There is still one pawn in play, someone that you have yet to meet, the leader of the resistance. But that will have to wait in time, because you've been sent on a mission to deal with Morgo, the former Knight of Warts, who has been imprisoned

in the jail of the Soggy Court for crimes against the court in her participation in the escape of the fairy dragon. And I cannot think it is fucking hot in here. Jesus Christ. It's okay. In her part of the escape of the fairy dragon.

Bavlorna is not pleased that the fairy dragon has gone missing, as he was held captive in her hut, or in her cottage. King Gullop believes that Morgo, who had always been an honorable knight, doesn't necessarily deserve the fate that she has been handed. But as the new king, and with all eyes on him and a coup already...

In effect, he cannot step in and determine a more kind fate for her. So he sent you on the mission of speaking with her to see what information you could find and potentially coming up with a solution to the problem. All before you're expected to be at the, at Soggy Castle to participate in an event for the kingdom in hopes that it will raise the spirits of Downfall and thus gain him some favor with the courtiers.

all culminating in one grand event that Kremi has been voluntold to participate in. Electrum Chef. Oh, yeah. But for now, you have made your way to the jail. Stepping forward, the guards blocked your path, but upon showing them the king's specific...

pendant that he gave you, the brooch, that belonged solely to King Gull at the 19th. The guards easily stepped away and no longer hindered your path, as you were able to move forward towards where Margo is held. Rising from the soggy earth is a sturdy wooden hut with an open doorway on one side of it. At the back of the hut are two holding cells. Thick mangrove roots serve as bars with a small round door closing off each cell.

The floor of one cell is covered with several inches of stinking water. The other cell holds a figure in rags slumped against the back wall. And as you move forward, the sounds of your footsteps are not quiet in this open area. She lifts her head and makes eye contact with you from beneath the brim of a dirty and moldy hood.

As she looks quickly between all of you and says, I'm not telling you anything. Well, you don't know who we are. And I'm telling you, I'm not telling you anything. My lips are sealed. There's nothing to say. What if I pull you? Then we're on the up and up and, you know, we're pretty hip to the old Bunko game, if you know what I'm saying.

Oh, we didn't introduce ourselves correctly. Are there guards?

there were guards at the entrance, but they stopped to say, it's just you standing in, at the top of this platform. There are two cells, one's empty and partially, um, covered in water. The other one just has more, um, more go in it. And she is, um, she slumped against the wall and she's just barely looking at you, um,

from under her hood. Does it seem like the guards would be within earshot? No. So we have absolute privacy. They have given you privacy. You showed them the brooch that the king gave you, and they understand that you have a level of authority here that far outranks them. Aside from the invisible chinchilla that's been following us through the entire adventure. You mean Twig? Yeah. Oh, Twig's here too? No, she's hanging out with the scarecrow, Clapperclaw. Oh, right.

So it's just us and the chinchilla. It's just the chinchilla and Marco. Okay.

"All right, Scurvy, introduce yourself." Hey! Why is he doing that? Torbjorn Randall doesn't like it! He's been here the whole time, but he's never done that once! I have to comment. Someone said, "I'm in Maryland and it's 69 degrees."

Yes, our AC is broken. Well, it depends where you're going. And there is something about this house that generates-- It's fucking 81 outside! Heat rises. We're on the fourth floor of this house. It generates heat. We are locked in by fleece and blankets that are covering our windows. We have no on the walls. We can't do anything.

There's soundproofing foam. We might as well be wrapped inside of a carpet taco. Low tide is in my pants! I wish I were where you are right now! Where are you? Anyway. Sorry, sorry, Monica. I'm out of this whole prison thing. You like bunka? You like bunka a lot.

She tilts her head up a little more and the hood falls back from her face. And you can see that she's clearly not been fed much over her stay here. As her eyes have sunken in, she looks like she's becoming a bit emaciated. She was a small bully wug to begin with.

But her time here is clearly taking its toll. The bags under her eyes are darkened. She isn't sleeping very well. And yet the hair on top of her head is pulled up into a loose bun, but it is very well-kempt and organized. And though she's dirty, everything about her seems to be put together perfectly.

She spits on the floor towards the entrance to this cage, in your direction. "I am no traitor. I am, or was, a former knight of the Saki court, and I do not dally with those who wish to do harm to my king." She crosses her arms over her chest, and she just stares at you. Can I insight check that?

I can't hear you over the fans. Sorry, can I insight check? You're gonna have to scream! What? Into the mics. Can I insight check Morgo? Yes, I would love for you to do that.

Are we at level five yet? That's also not the way to do a stopwatch. No. You metagaming piece of shit. Yeah, no, 18. What did that guy? Can I get a sense of if she's truthful or not? I would say with an 18, it's very easy to tell she's truthful. And this mirrors what the king had told you, that she was an honorable knight of the court and that whatever had led her to help...

Sir Talavar and Wigglewog with their escape must have been something very important because she is one of the few people of the court that he felt like he could truly trust and is part of the reason that he is feeling so much guilt about the situation she's in.

Margo, we'd like to hear your side of the story, if you would be so kind to share. I know you just said you wouldn't speak with us, but it's very important that we make things right here. We're trying to do not just what's best for the king, and also for the land, and perhaps for you. We can cook two meats with one fire, so to speak, if we all trust one another. You come, as you're saying this, you...

realize that night has fallen and it's the perfect time of night for you, a vampire, to exist in this world. I hate when you say that. I love

As long as there's no garlic involved, I feel like we could get it together amiable. He's very rude. This is actually Grumple the Count of Bogbora. I am Baron Splop, the green baron. You can tell by my skin I'm green. Hi. She looks up at you and she just doesn't respond. How do you get mixed up in all this?

She especially looks towards you and you can see that she there is a look of derision on her face with She seems to be incredibly offended that you would come to her about bunco. Well, so, you know about bunker Drop the bunker. You're not into it Doesn't even like it a little bit. Okay, I'm not saying she does and I never said I did maybe she's assuming that I'm down on the bunco and

I guess I did say that I was down on the bronco. Yeah, he said, I'll read him, down on the bronco. I think it's just so odd our brains are scrambled. Where the hell's the brooch, man? Just show her the brooch. Take a look. It's a brooch.

I'll flip him between my fingers and sort of flash the brooch that the king gave us. A nice brooch. Listen, we actually really like the king, and we don't even look down on him a little bit for all the public masturbation he does. And even some of us, I don't want to knock anybody's proclivities. Some of us have probably even done it ourselves. Torbjorn, for sure. Oh, hell.

- Hey, first off, Ribble's name is Ribble, and second of all, it was only a couple times. - Yeah, there you go. Ribble, I think it's even worse when that's his name. - You idiot! - And as you say this, you look around at your friends, your party members, and something doesn't look right about them.

One of them is clearly a doppelganger in disguise, and you must determine who they are before they can betray you all. Oh, fuck. We're not making any progress here. Morgo, I'm sorry to do this to you. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Hey, have you ever made that look before? What are you doing, Frosty? Just hold on. I mean, grump. Morgo turns. Yeah, I've never said all the letters in anybody's name. She looks towards you. Are you trying to cast a spell on me? Well played, Morgo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

My charms did not work on her. Oh no, that's definitely Frosty. Okay, it's somebody else. No. Well, we ate Bunko, and we're trying to free you from your fate by doing a ruse to trick all of the guards and then let you win and kill us. Mundelmud is pretty charming. Why doesn't he take a crack at it?

Oh, great idea. Pretty suspicious. You would say something nice about me. What? Tell me something only Ribble would know. Well, Ribble already got the public masturbation thing out there. Ribble has a wife named Clementine. Nobody knows about that. Oh, it's you. Clementine's your girlfriend, you filthy money.

I knew it! I found the matter so quick! No, it's very serious! Clementine is Rebel's wife! Alright, we're gonna have to dive into that later. That is some new information, Gid. That's awfully suspicious. Now you got me questioning. Maybe they eloped in the five years that, uh, you know. While he's being held captive and tortured by doctors? And have the old bat installed?

As you're saying this, you begin to look around and the whole world begins to change a little bit. The colors brighten even more. This is the Feywild. Everything's enhanced even more until it mirrors that which you've seen in a storybook. You believe you are living in a fairy tale and everything that happens to you follows a certain narrative structure.

Oh, I've seen this one before. What? We're going to have to have some sort of like crazy tournament with her, right?

Yes, that's what we've been talking about. I thought it was a fart to the death. That's what the Instagram story says. I don't know if it was false advertising. Yes, I saw that. What does crummy mean you've seen this before? No, this is... It means he's been to prison before, which is true. You know, it may or may not be true. It was alleged. Not to visit the prison. It's not alleged. I mean, that was real.

All the crimes we were accused of were alleged. You know, Geed, I try not to think about those times. Yeah, that's fair. To be fair, you know, you were, you know, judged guilty by a jury of your peers. Anyways. Look, we all know how this goes, right? You're basically a side character that I encounter to sort of, you know, throw a challenge in my path.

And the whole point is I need to show that this is my low point now, where I have to pretend to be this duke or whatever the fuck it is. Oh no, this is not a low point. Public masturbation is a low point. Yes, we really need to get you a robe about this. And I gotta finish my hero's journey by saving your life. If you like that, I'd let you out of here.

Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage because you called her a side character. Hirachi's a bit more of like an extra. 11/11. Not bad! 19. Holy shit. That's crazy. Well done. That's a huge. Of course I would like to get out of here, but I'm also a knight. I took a vow. If it weren't for Wigglewog, I wouldn't have done what I did.

But a vow of friendship is sometimes more important than a vow of knighthood to a court in disrepair. I do hope that Gullop the 19th can solve some of the issues. We were friends once, before he ever had it, before I ever became king. He was a nice guy. This role is going to destroy him. Which I have done wrong. I must pay the price.

It seems to be a little, I don't know, defeatist. Very, it seems your philosophy seems to be a little bit draconian. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to see my friend ever again. Who knows where he's at now? What if he's in the Summer Court? What if he's with Titanian? She doesn't like him or understand him. You know what? He is in the Summer Court. He was such a shy bollywug.

He always needed me there. Yeah. He struggled without me. I tried to teach him the best I could about how to fly those cat airplanes. God, I hope he was able to do it. You got all the way up until the break part, huh? What? What? I'm sorry. Usually somebody else does the talking. I'm not very good at it. I get nervous and I reveal things. That's exactly what Wiggle Walk was like. Oh.

When it was just the two of us, he could talk up a storm. We were the best of friends, caught in all kinds of adventures. But then the moment someone else was there trying to talk to him, he just climbed up and he couldn't do it. But he was so smart and so full of... What's the term? Jour de vive. Pizazz. Oh, he sounds lovely. When can we meet him? I'm not sure. Look, you know what? Hopefully you will. I think...

I think you would like him. I can't speak for the rest. He's a little scratchy. No, they're good people. They'll grow on you. I actually think he would connect best with them.

Yeah, probably. For a certain point of your life. Well, look, you know what? I think at the end of the day, wherever he is, I think he's always gonna be right here. I think he's at Titania's side right now as we speak, talking up a storm to the Queen of the Fae. Well, that's highly unlikely.

Either way, he's on a mission. Check out, as you say this, you develop the ability to break the fourth wall. You are now able to start addressing the DM directly. Fuck you, Derek. It's at this point. So, Angela...

I've got to say, I think we've all had enough of Morgo. I feel like all of us don't really know what to do in this situation. We don't know what she wants. And we'd really like to get on to Electrum Chef. Do we all hear this? Yeah. Oh, really? What's wrong? Who's Angela? Is that the name of the chinchilla? Why are you talking directly into that wall right now?

now. One, two, three. The fourth one. What could Splat possibly be addressing? And so I'm just going to say, is there any way you could, you know, give us a little bit of a hint? I'd be like to cash in a hint, you know, clue token, you know. Kindness. Oh! Oh!

Thank you. So we all gotta be noshed, too. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. Oh, and Ribble was nice. What did you just do? Who have you been... How did you get that information? Frosty was always everyone's least favorite character. That's a hurtful thing to say. But you know what? He's my best lad. I'm standing right here. You're my best mate.

I'm like looking above his head, and I'm like, is it like a mosquito? What the fuck are you talking about? And, you know, it's... And Torbic was there. I don't know, Ribble is always here. He might be able to connect with the king and their shared penchant for public masturbation.

Can we stop bringing that up? It was never, I guess it was never proved in court. And a raid is here. What? What kind of raid? Oh my god! They're on Twitch. Blair, I look out the window.

before starting. And there's a whole bunch of people who are new to our channel. Rubble doesn't understand any of those words in that order. You are some kind of a doppelganger. Yeah, and so, you know, I would like to personally thank the Raiders for joining in on this Feywild adventure.

You know, if you would like to hit the follow button, we also have a merch shop on Patreon. - You are all standing here as Gricko is saying these words, these things that mean nothing to you. For context for the Raiders, we have a fairy curse table.

that I randomly throw out to them for fun. And Gricko's is that he can now break the fourth wall and speak directly to the DM. And so they're in a situation where all the party members now hear him saying this stuff. So all of you people watching us are now officially part of our team. In our most intimate moments, give Questlondian to your follow. They're good folks. What are you talking about? He's been taken by madness!

You've never made less sense, Griggo. You know what he's saying. Look, Wigglewug, I'm sure, was a swell fella. And you know what? He's out there. He made it out. And that's what you need to do. You got to focus on being where he is on the outside with your freedom. And look, you think that King Gulub guy's a swell fella? Well, I think so, too.

And I'm telling you, if we don't break you out... If you think that he's a swell fellow, then why did you step to my cell and speak the words of traitors? Because I had to make sure that you weren't one of them. The whole reason we want to get you out is so that you can protect him. Are you being truthful? Yeah. Well...

Think very carefully, my friend. My plus is the same either way, so... But it's if I... Are you being truthful? Because it determines whether you roll deception or persuasion. I would say I'm attempting to cover up my initial question. Because I wasn't exactly sure on her philosophy on the Bunko game. But I don't think I'm necessarily trying to trick her or deceive her. It's truthful that it was a test. Yes. Then roll a persuasion check for me, please.

Kremi always was a very good liar. He's the only one in the group that has hard charisma. And so he makes a very nice leader of the party when we all decided our loose backstory together that everyone always asked about in YouTube comments, confused that there was no campaign before this. Hmm.

What? Don't forget you think you're a vampire. Oh yes. I'm waiting for my moment. Vampire is all the time in the world. A vampire never forgets. I meant what? To kill! I mean, bleeha, blah. Blah.

What was it? 23. She seems more receptive to you as she's listening. I'm not giving up, but I did break an oath, and there is a price to pay for that. I'm not saying I want my life to end, but I do want to win the trial by combat. And I want to take my name, my rightful name, Morgo, no longer former, but current Knight of Wards. And I want to protect my king.

Well, uh... I think we can make that happen. We can plan. And if you could get on board with just one more deception, you could win, and you don't have to kill nobody. All it'll take is just a little bit of your blood. What? No. I'm sorry, what? No, no, no. I mean, you might...

get hurt so that it looks reasonable, but you don't need blood. Frosty's acting out of character because he rolled a vampire falsehood on the fae table. What? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not... What are you saying? I'm sorry. A vampire falsehood on a fae table? Yes, yes. What's a roll?

Mimicking the great vampires such as Dracula. Who's Dracula? Dracula. Dracula and Nicolas Cage. That's Dracula. And it's a delicious addition to any dinner meal.

Isn't Nicolas Cage also in that new vampire movie? He's Dracula. He's Dracula. It's modern humor referencing a film that is currently in the process of coming out or not. I'm not quite sure. A film? Like a sticky substance that gets on you? Frosty, you'll never understand.

I feel like he's got a direct tap into whatever affects us from time to time. Where did that flamboyant hat come from? Oh, I got it as a merch from Magfest. LAUGHTER

It's a wonderful music and gaming festival in the Washington, D.C. area in the beginning of January, not the equivalent of January. We've completely lost him! If he could, ignore all the fucking nonsense that they're spewing, alright? Just try to focus on me, okay? Now, look, can you, if you could accept that, you could be the Lord Commander of the Kingsgoth.

And you can make sure that nothing happens to King Goliath, so that he actually has a reign longer than two fucking days. And that is my plan. Once they have found someone to challenge me in a trial by combat, I will win. And I will take up my spot as a free woman and as a loyal knight to my king.

Well, would you believe me if I said that the goblin spouting fucking nonsense is the one that wants to challenge you? Has he committed a crime? Well, no. From a certain point of view, we've all committed terrible crimes. What I worry about as I listen to this sad exchange is that she doesn't realize that she was written as a cautionary tale against the dangers of oaths of honor and how backwards such

philosophies were at the time, the widows of Wizards of the Coast when they wrote this module and invented her from their brains. She reaches down and picks up swamp water and she hurls it at you.

Poked, thump! And you immediately feel this curse cleansed from you. In this very not thinly veiled analogy to the French rebel, yeah! Yeah, my head! All of this is causing rebel distress!

Oh, finally. Oh, I forgot to take my bananas. Oh, it's scurvy chinchilla. No. Scurvy chinchilla. Can you roll another d40 for me? Two. Two. Kremi, see if you can negotiate a few ounces of her blood in all of this.

Otherwise, I'll be forced to turn you into one of my thralls. Oh, I missed the opportunity. I'm going to rewind and say, man, that's a great reference to the television series King of the Hill. And as the pocket swamp hits your face, you realize that you have been having these horrible hallucinations of a world devoid of magic and color. As you...

come to you in Gricko's body, but with a voice in the back of your mind, a voice from the depths of hell, a voice you know all too well. And just as you feel yourself coming to, that voice pulls you down deeper into your mind and takes its rightful place as the commander of Gricko's body.

chuckles, rises again. Oh no. It's two! Two is cloud! We all know two is cloud! Oh, I'm back so soon! What are we doing, fellas? Oh, the swamp water. Why did you do that? Do you know what you've done?

He was speaking gibberish. I just, I thought maybe sometimes, you know, when you startle someone, it gets rid of the hiccups. And so I thought maybe it would get rid of his brain hiccups. We're going to miss the nonsense. Swamp water, swamp water. I got to write that down as activating, you know, and when it happened so recently, I thought that we need to let it, you know, pause a little bit. Um,

But Gray, what are we doing, fella? I'm interrogating this frog. If you need someone to torture, I'm very good at that. No, we're on the brink of negotiating a deal to allow her to live with honor and free her from this jail, Ch-Chuckles. Well, honor is a currency traded by fools, and I should know, I'm the king of fools. Say, you wouldn't have any blood on you, would you, Chuckles? Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Well, I can see. Why don't you give it a little puncture? Oh, don't mind if I do. Oh! Oh! Oh!

It is horrible, dry, desiccated, like dusty, undead Clamclash. It's actually Gricko's body. You're just inhabiting it. Oh, don't I transform a little bit? You do, but it's still Gricko's body. So though that's what it may look like, it is actual blood. And you can...

- Feel the warmth of the life of a-- - That means a tiger biting my hand. - Ribble is completely just freaked out, a lot of screaming. - Oh! - Thank you. - You watch as Frost's face is completely caked and coated in blood. - Oh, I didn't know it would do that! Well, you know, if it does happen to be demonic clown Ikor, you may experience some changes to your body, but we'll have that conversation when you're a little older.

GRUMPLER, NOOOO! I'm sorry, I had to feed. Goblin blood is not particularly to my taste, but it will satiate me for now. I'm sorry to tell you this, but my name is not Frost, it's... GRUMPLER.

Are you doing a Dracula name generator? Sorf. Sorf. Sorf. Is it a pot with VMAs? Is that the best you can do? It's like Alucard, it's frosted backwards. It's a sorf. You know, given your penchant for breakfast...

I would have thought you would have just said Count Chocula. Shit. What a missed opportunity. I hiss and fly away. I'm holding my cape. Man, sorry you hadn't seen that. This fella's really cringe. To sort of exit the building and seeks additional victims.

We hear the screams of the guards from the other room. Do they look expendable? Kinda. Hey, friends. I cast friends on them and we start having a conversation. Okay, how does that work? We're going to cut scene and we're going to go to this. Okay.

Well, a, uh, uh... Frost walks up covered in blood and puts his arms around both guards like so, and just is like, hello, how's it going? Excuse me? Oh, yes. Yeah, and that's disposable guard number one here. Why are you covered in blood? Uh, it doesn't matter to you. I, uh...

Or it holds for much longer. If you could just, as a good friend, present your neck to me. I was a very good friend. What are you doing? What are you doing to Carl? Carl's just fine. Don't worry about Carl. Oh.

You're right. I'm not worried about Carl. Carl looks fine. Republican credits will be fine! So Frost kills two innocent guards and drains them of their blood. And in the meantime, the four of you...

Oh, I'm sure that'll be fine. Oh, is it kind of like, was that my fault? Did it kind of like Pringle that once you pop, you just can't stop? Did I break the seal, so to speak?

This prison's really starting to feel like prison. Someone playing a fucking... Oh, hey, Gideon, shake my hand. I didn't mean to shake your hand. No, I won't touch you. Oh, God. Come on, you owe me. You sort of killed me. You manslaughtered me in lukewarm blood. Ah! Ah!

Damn it, I hate you! Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that? You are just the worst clown! Oh gosh, I'm glad that I have the body of Griggo at the hostage, so to speak. But you can't really turn your arm of your might or magic against me. The joke is on you, clown. I've killed Griggo three times, one canonically.

Okay, and on camera. Oh, well, I don't think you have the spell that breaks the fourth wall, so it's a little improper of you to even suggest that. You're right, I'm sorry. I have multiple times punched and knee-grickoed to the point of death, so you having him is like the most expendable of our party. Well, I hope you say that to him to his face. It's very hurtful. You're quite a bad friend. No, it doesn't take things like that very well. He gets really emotional. I might cry.

Man, those guards really aren't struggling at all. I mean, oh, do you hear the cracking? Oh, man, Froth is really going to town. So here's the thing, just because he's Bricko doesn't mean you can't punch him, right? Just don't, like,

Kill him. Yeah. You can still punch him in the body. Oh, I can. I feel good about this. Either way. You know, a little round two. What do you think? Do you want to do that, Gideon?

Do I wanna do it? Oh. Yeah. I dare you. No, I don't. I double dog dare you, motherfucker. I punch him. I punch him as hard as I can. As hard as I can. I'm going to attempt to literally, with my sticky squeakers, just complete Matrix back and just bend over backwards like a cartoon character to dodge him.

I don't know if Chuckles has any crazy demonic clown powers. You can't miss. I will twist of dread that. So you can roll it again. Roll it again. I want you to hit. So I'm dreading it. 23.

Well, luckily I cast Shield. Does Griggo have Shield? Oh shit, oh my god. You attempt to and then... My Clamble and Covering. Oh my god! Okay, yeah. Roll for damage. Let me get Griggo's character sheet up.

Uh, nine points of punching damage. Oh! Nine points of punching damage? I puke up a bunch of colorful circus peanuts. It just sprays in.

Oh man, I haven't felt anything like that in so long. Since the last time. Oh, since the last time. Well, no, I was in a bit of a stupor thanks to the whiskey sour. I thought you smelled a little funny. Well, all of this madness is happening in the inside. You are...

You are now crouched down in the muck of the swamp. You are covered in the blood of three people. Your best friend, Gricko, and the two guards, Carl and unnamed guard number two. Unnamed guard number two? No.

Their bodies are slowly sinking into the mire of the swamp, and you imagine that given a certain amount of time, their bodies will disappear forever, and no one will have noticed that they had ever lived. Sink down, sink down, sink down, sink down! As you listen to the sounds of the swamp with your perceived heightened senses, and you hear a splooshing sound.

I look for the sploosh. Roll a perception check. Oh. That's a d30, I will not be rolling that. You made a critical miscalculation. You're supposed to puncture the bodies a few times before you throw them. I already punctured them once, I figured... More! More! They float otherwise! Hmm. Perception? Let's go with a... 12. You...

definitely know what direction this is coming in. It sounds like feet stepping into the muck, and then the suction sound as they pull themselves out of the liquid stuff. It's 88 degrees here, I'm done. Based on the sounds of that liquid stuff, they're gonna be here any minute. To source as bitter as apparate.

And you look at yourself. You are clearly invisible now. You're mist in the swamp. As you look forward, you hear the sound getting closer and closer. You hone your eyes in, waiting for the silhouette to appear before you eventually hear, immediately behind you, Frost, what are you doing? Frost!

Twig! Yeah? How can you see me? What do you mean? You're standing right there. I'm mist. Why are you covered in blood? I missed you too, man. It's good that you're here. This is other people's blood. It's not my blood. Did you get in a fight? You okay? I don't know.

You look emotionally broken! You look like a damaged man! Dwayne, can you have a-- You look like a man-- Edge! Go ahead! Okay. What happened? And she reaches into her acorn bag and she pulls out what was probably a tablecloth from one of the tables, but in her hand in this size looks like a napkin of some sort, and she starts to dab the blood off of your body. Oh, thank you. I'll clean you up.

I'm not sure how you were able to see me. Where's everybody else? Are they dead? No, no, they're talking to Morgo inside of the prison. Who's Morgo? Oh, Morgo is the former Knight of Warts. She's been wrongly imprisoned and we're endeavoring to negotiate for her escape and also some of her blood. Do you think she knows where I could get a supply of...

Specific type of frog, maybe? Oh. Being the Night Orcs. Why would you be interested in frogs? You know, for licking purposes. Hmm. You know, insects and other critters are very adjacent to frogs. Would you be interested in perhaps consuming them and being my servant forever? Um, yeah, actually, kind of to both. Okay, I think we have a deal.

You have very little blood, so this is a perfect relationship. I do have very little blood! I cut myself once, and I didn't even get a scab or anything! Okay, you cannot reveal our secret to anyone. It's just you and me. Count Sorf and Twig.

That's me. Great. Wait, why are you calling yourself Count Swarf? Oh, well, that's our secret. Most people will call me Count Grumple, but in reality I'm a... Wait, hold on. Why would most people call you Count Grumple? Because that's what the king renamed me when he gave me an entire... Oh, yes, yes, yes. And a county. I have a whole county to my name. How cool.

You were talking to the pumpkin-headed child. Damn it! It's all right. You're my servant. You can run the county. You're going to be the right hand of Count Thorf. Can I have a cool servant name then? Um, Twigfield? Okay. Thank you. That's like Twig of the Field. I like it. Twigfield. All right, but don't tell anybody this. It's very important. Wait, what?

And because that makes it even cooler that it's our secret. Oh. Now, do you have a log or something heavy? Maybe. Roll a d100. Our first task is to get rid of these bodies. 54. 54? 54?

My first order of business. Um, no, I don't have a log. I have this cool candle that can never be lit. Oh. Neat. Yeah, I guess I'll keep it on my sill and look out into the night gloomily for centuries on end. Okay.

Let this quick field disappoint count. Sorf. Sorf. Sorf. Sorf. It should strike fear in the hearts of those who hear it. Is it me? No, no, no. You're my servant. You just always do my bidding and you eat insects. Okay. And you help me hide these bodies. Once they're...

Wait! Where'd those bodies come from? It's not important. Servant, now go. And as this is happening, you guys are in front of Morgo.

I like to, with the Crusher feat, I'd like to punch Chuckles with an uppercut to the body five feet up into the air and have him float down. And I will fly up and I'll float down like... Like a balloon with the air let out of it. Like a deflated balloon. Yeah, I'll...

And there will literally be flying canaries and stars circling around my head. That was pretty good. That was pretty good.

I know Karemi said that the peanuts were slimy, but it's way funnier to me if they're dry. Like, they're literally just circus peanuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, that's just me. First one's free, give me a turn. Why do you guys, like, rumble outside, you know, have, like, fisticuffs? Well, if I have fisticuffs with him, he's gonna die.

Fuckin' hell, Greco! You know what's funny, Gideon? I'm gonna blow my hands up really huge. That's exactly what a bitch would say. Okay, then you're right outside. I didn't want to do it. I was gonna spare Greco this time, but I don't even care that you're riding his body, okay? Then you're right outside. I'll bury you in the swamp, you goddamn clown! Get on this cannon!

Mr. Crammy, do something! I'm gonna rib-laden you to go out there and supervise, make sure nobody dies. Okay! And Torbett will chase after the two of them outside to make sure nobody dies. Um...

Which, there are two outsides. Wherever they're going. There is the way that you came, which is the way Frost went. But this place doesn't have doors in the same way that other places would. And you can see that directly behind this, there is the circular proving grounds where the battles to the death take place. I'm clouded by rage. I'll be drawn naturally to the arena.

You decide in this moment you will have your revenge on this clown. This clown that has haunted you through the entirety of the carnival and continues to take hold of your friend Gricko's body, forcing you, forcing your hand to harm someone you care about because of his mere existence. And more importantly, shock my hand with a stupid toy. I cartwheel out of the room with my giant hand. Woo!

And each time my foot lands, it just squeaks. And you make your way towards the proving grounds. A mangrove tree sits in the middle of a patch of heavily churned mud, where rusting and rotting bits of armor and weapons are scattered. Two lengths of chain are anchored to opposite sides of the tree trunk, each with an iron shackle on the end. But you're not prisoners.

You have no need of those shackles yet. As you find yourselves in the middle of this circular proving ground, there are rusted pieces of armor and weapons all over. Looking at these Gideon, this is fodder for the fight should you need it. As you and Chuckle stand face to face for the first time in life and death, able to truly fight,

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Mumble, mumble, mutt. No, no. Gideon, please. This is important. Don't hurt him. Did you hear what he said to me? He called me a bitch. Yeah, I'm rebel hurting. Trying to pretend like he didn't hear it. But this is serious. It's still Gricko. Well, listen. I'll just hit him so hard he just dies kinda. And then we'll revive him a little bit. Oh.

Just think this through. Gideon can be the bigger person. I'm literally the bigger person from him. I don't see what you're trying to get me to do. I'm going to slap him so hard, the chalk's going to come right off his goddamn stupid clown face. I'm going to get Bricko back one way or another. Front hand, back hand, it doesn't matter. He's coming back in the next 12 seconds. That's how many rounds it's going to take. For the purpose of this,

because Chuckles doesn't really have a stat block in this campaign. I can use Grigori's. No, no, no, no. I think it would be much more fun if Chuckles could do Chuckles themed things. And so... Well, we have the other one. We have a Chuckles. Yeah, no. I want to do it this way. And I'm the DM. How this will work...

is we will roll for initiative. One of you will obviously go first. That person will say what they're going to do using the arena and things that would be in character to their, even if it's not something on your spell sheet. It can just be like, I'm gonna take this armor, I'm gonna charge it up with flame, and I'm gonna do this crazy stuff. Cool. You will roll a d20 contest. Whoever wins that d20, if Chuckles wins it, it misses. If you win it, it hits. Does that make sense?

Sure. Yeah. And then that way Chuckles can do weird like balloon clown disproportionate body things. Yeah? Fine by me.

so it's a battle of the d20s fine by me you square up torbek ribble is standing there at kremi's at kremi's discretion um guarding his friends unsure of what to do in this moment as the two of you um stand opposite each other in this circular arena gideon you stare down at chuckle's body the body of this desiccated

dead clown thing, and you know that somewhere in there is Gricko, your friend. But in this moment, all you can see is Chuckles. Chuckles, you stare at your arch-nemesis, Gideon. This is the man that punched you so hard in the body that you went to hell. I will...

And chuckles. There really is no wine in hell. I will never forgive that flight. As I finish, Kurt wheeling out, and I'll do a few figure eights. I'll stand, and I'll write myself, and my hips will get, my legs will blow out like a cowboy. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

And suddenly, like, this, like, goofy, like, toy ray gun will appear on my hip, and it'll be, and it's out of nowhere, you'll hear, and it's also, it's by, it's all, it's just clown horns, and I'll have my, my hands are still giant as I'm just holding it. Okay, Gideon, how is it going to end? These are Mortal Kombat entrances. Yeah. Um...

I square off against him, walk up, meet him face to face, and I'm...

My gauntlets start to come to life. The fire starts to tick up around me. Only for it to then just cut back because I'm out of resources. Your resources don't matter for the sake of this. I am igniting a flame. Would you say that you get a little heated? Oh, yeah. Because it's hot in here? Yeah. Oh, it's hot in here. And may you both roll for initiative. Ah.

Do I use Gricko's initiative or what? Use Chuckle's initiative. Oh. You're using your actual initiative, but then going forward we're not using any of your stuff. This is just going to be a fun improvisation. 15. He goes...

You swear up and you are so excited to finally take down Chuckles for hopefully the final time. But Chuckles surprises you as he pulls out a ray gun. A gun? What's a gun in Avantras? Hey, what's that? He's fast! He has the fastest finger in the West.

Hey Gideon! Yeah? I was walking from the carnival to the farm and out from the bush

Three pigs jumped me and devoured my flesh. That's a pretty good story so far. Keep going. It was a ham bush that I pulled the trigger. And that is where we'll break it. Oh, shit. Oh, man. You now stand alone. Sorry, Carrot.

You now stand alone in the cell, or in the jail, staring into the cell where Morgo is leaning up against the wall. And she looks completely flabbergasted. Everything that's happened here, she has seen many things in her time in the Feywild, but nothing compares to whatever the hell this has been for this past period of time.

You can hear the sounds of Frost speaking out into the ether, unsure of what he's saying or who he could possibly be talking to. And you can now hear the sounds of combat ensue and you can only hope that your pal Torbek can keep the clown and the genasi in check for long enough for you to get out of this situation. But for this moment, there is some peace and quiet.

And as your emotions calm down, you feel that Fae curse leave you. You find that you are truly Cremi again. Is there a chair in here? Yes. I'll drag the chair out. I'll take my jacket off and put it on the dog. It does that like scratchy thing. That was my best scratchy chair noise. I'll spin it around and I'll sit on it sort of backwards and I'll sort of have my arms...

So look, Morgul. I'm gonna officially apologize for whatever the fuck all that was. But I feel like we were getting somewhere. You understand? I feel like we understand each other. Regardless of the madness, regardless of all the goofy bullshit, I think you get what I'm saying. The Feywild can be one hell of a place. I've seen my fair share of Fey shenanigans. Nothing quite like this. Oh, yeah. But your friend was...

packing quite a lot of witch light. Yeah, sometimes we get hit with like a cloud of drugs in the air or something. I think it's unique to us somehow. I don't know, fate or some other kind of fairytale bullshit. I think regardless, that's all outside now. Now it's just you and me.

I can get you out of that cell. I can get you in a position-- Well, I've thought of a phenomenal idea if what is happening out in the Proving Grounds is what I think is happening out in the Proving Grounds. This is like a plan related to just me sending them outside, because I was sick of listening to them? Yes. Go on. You said that that thing that took over your friend, his body changed. The entity that he became. Yeah, he's an undead clown. He was punished for something, a criminal?

I mean, he was sort of just a... In loose terms? Yeah, he was sort of just a gross fella. You know, it's really unclear, actually. How many backstories can one clamp have? I don't have to fight for myself in the trial by combat. Oh. If I had someone willing to stand as my champion. And if this entity is a bad dude... Oh, yeah, no, he's a bad dude. And your friend...

willing to fight in my stead with witnesses, obviously as long as they don't kill themselves before the plan comes to fruition, as long as there were witnesses about, maybe the guards out front, if they could see that my champion had bested this cur, if he were to win, I would be set free.

Wait, so we can just handle it right now? Yes. And all I gotta do is get the two guards standing right out front. Yes. And I'll get them as witnesses. And then when Graco just... And then they can release me from this cage. Well, one quick caveat is that... But make sure you get those two guards, for they're the only ones with the magical key that can unlock this cage. Oh, no. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Alright, that's a great plan. Wait, here's the thing, this is just the one catch, is that can he actually kill the clown because he's sort of transmogrified into the clown? I think, and it may just be because I'm quite smart, as long as he doesn't kill the body,

He kills the clown within the body. Then I'll turn back to Grinco. Then he's still killing the clown, but not killing his friend. Oh my god. We just need to make sure that we get those guards. He's gonna make work out of them, so I better go. I'll be right back. All right, I'll be right here. I open the door.

You open the door, and what you see is... Twig and I are walking towards the entrance that I initially came out and grabbed the guards up. Twig is covered in mud. I'm wiping the mud off of myself, and well done, Twigfield. I don't think we could find those bodies. Even if we ourselves went back looking for them. You're very talented at this. Now, remember to keep quiet. Thanks. I'm leaving.

I really like being your servant, Master Master. It's my pleasure. It's important that we keep our word of paper. Do not mention this to anyone, even our good friends. My lips are sealed. If I had a magical key that could only lock one thing, I would seal my lips with it and throw it away. Well done.

Fuck, never to be found again! Here comes Cremmy. Oh, okay. How much of that do I hear? Hi, Cremmy! Hello, Cremmy. Everything is well. How are you? Everything's great, Cremmy. I'm Twig. I look at Twig. I look at Frost. We're the gods. Blood gods! They seem to have disappeared. I came out here and they were gone.

Yeah, they must have had a changing of the guards without actually bringing new guards. Yes, once they stop working, they just get up and go. I think it's a union thing.

Oh my god. Well, if it's a union thing, wouldn't the body be right here for the fucking second shift? Perhaps they're feeling under the weather, but those guards, they won't work another minute. If unions work different than unions, you're probably each two, right? Both of them. She winks very obviously at you. Her glasses that amplify her eyeballs make it very clear.

At the same time of day, for the same shift. It surprised me as well. I came out here to make sure that they were protecting the prison.

Yeah, and then I showed up. And then Tweed came. And she watched the guards walk away, and we just stood there until you arrived. We decided to get a little money for some reason. I slipped and fell inside. Oh yes, we slipped and fell. Do I see blood? All over Frost. It's like a beautiful blood. It's Kate. Hey man, do you see bits of flesh stuck to his fur? Look, I know you were

like playing pretend, Lopin' earlier. You know, as Dracula, whatever. I don't know what that is. For some reason, I was compelled to bite Graco's palm, but that's over now. Yeah, but that didn't happen when you bit Graco's palm. Just fucking tell me that's Clamato juice. It's Clamato juice. Do you want some Clamato juice? I can get it out of my acorn house.

Can I, uh, perceive if Twig and Frost are being truthful? Oh yeah. Uh, can I attempt to deceive? Of course! Alright, that's very exciting. Twig is also going to, but at disadvantage because she's Twig. 19. Pretty good roll. 3! That's less of a good roll. 20. Ooooh! I look around immediately. Okay, Frost. Mm-hmm? Fucking lay them with me. Do kill those gods!

No. No, I did not. Why would I do that? I'm not a killer. Where do you have the bodies? There are no bodies. They walked out and they walked away from their shift, from their duty. They definitely weren't seeking into the muck and when I showed up, Sorf told me to go over and start pushing them down into the deep depths of the muck to never be found again. Oh.

No, no, none of that. That would be ridiculous! That would be outrageous. He'd even accuse... I'm ashamed of you, Gremmy. Did you poke holes in the bodies? She thought of that idea. It was really... I mean, no, no, no. No, of course I didn't, because that would be something only a cool-hearted killer would think of. And neither one of us are like that. Only someone who is really great and talented at hiding bodies would be able to think of something like that. Yeah, I'm not.

Alright, it's fine. It's fine. Okay, first we gotta clean you up and I'm gonna snap my fingers and all the gloves, John. Okay, next. Oh, thank you. You gotta take me to the bodies. Those gods have the magical key. It's the only way to get Morgo out. And then finally we need a fucking witness. It's going down now. Let's just say hypothetically. That they walked into the swamp and

into some branches that poked holes in them and then they fell into the water and then they sank to the bottom of the water. I'm not sure we would be able to tell you where they poked themselves. Look, I'm not trying to trick you, Frost. Look, I'm your friend right now, okay? And it's nothing, you didn't do anything wrong until the jury convicts you in court, alright? Everything's alleged, what you did. I just need the key! You understand?

We'd feel, think. We need to try and remember, where were we just now? We were walking for perhaps one or two minutes. This is so bad. Um, there. I looked at the ground. Both of them on the ground right there? Yep. You just told me that you sank them to the bottom of some body of water.

Nope. You're alright, you're alright. I'm going to see if I can go into my mind palace and retrace the steps. Everything was, I was quite blood high at the time, but...

I'm going to endeavor to see if I can retrace the path in my mind, even though I had been actively working to file that away. Roll a survival check at disadvantage. I'm going to use the tiniest d20 that I have. And the biggest. Oh! Survival? I would like you to roll a d20 for me, please. Oh, it's rebel. I'll use my new one.

Oh! A rebel got a 19! When it least counts! We're rolling hot in here. 13. You gain one free natural 20. This is rebel's lucky day! Damn. You can use it on yourself or someone else. Hooray! I got a 13.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Do whatever you want. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. 13 is fine. 13 is more than enough.

That's a super Torbjörn thing to-- Give me that! Okay! Save it for something better. Save it for something better. We'll find these fucking bodies. Where Twig's pointing looks about right. Okay. Brimps?

This is the right direction. Just, uh, I'm gonna have to get dirty again. I'm gonna start walking in there. This is probably gonna take us like 15 minutes or so, maybe even longer. Um, so you know, you're welcome to hang out with us if you want, but... No, I'm coming with you. Make sure we get the fucking key.

- Y'all just allegedly murdered two guys, understand? Employers of the government. - I would say, because you just had the conversation, you remember that if you don't get a witness to the event, if they kill each other before a witness is present, the key won't matter. - Well.

Dormbeck remembered. Ribble remembered. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I think I found it. This is definitely a body. Oh, wrong body. All right. I don't know who that was. All right, all right. Fine, fine. Look, my brain's telling me. You guys find the key. Yeah. I'll go find a witness. You understand? Yep. Can I trust you?

Yes. You're not gonna forget? Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm full. I'm full of blood. Just don't tell anyone. I'm counting on you, Grammy. Yeah, and you can't tell anyone that my name is Twigfield. It's a secret. Isn't it?

Why? It's not important. All right, find the key. I'll be right back. Find the key? But we don't need to... Oh, wait, they're dead. They can't do this. Leave the body. No, no, no. Just the key on the body. Sorry, I'm confused. I'm a little blood high. And we don't know which one had the key.

I'll find the key. I'll find the key. You gotta find both bodies to make sure you find the right fucking key. Pull every key out. All the keys. All the keys. One of them's magic. The body I just found had a key on it. Should I grab that? Yeah, because we can always take it back to Jingle Jingle. Oh. Even if we can't find it. Here. Look.

I'm not gonna endorse you looting them from the fucking dead guy, so you do whatever the hell you want. Waddup. I'll turn and I'll just start looking around to see if I can find anybody that looks either like a guard, a soldier, even like a noble or like Rococo. Roll a perception check. Oh, that's probably pretty good. Perception is... 17.

You look around and there are no guards out and about, but this place is fairly close to the Palace of the Soggy Court. And you eventually spy just off to the edges of the treeline, up against a mangrove, mangrove roots, flitting around these two bodies are lightning bugs.

And you see the swirling of a parasol as clearly two Bullywugs are out on a date. And as you walk closer, you hear, I love you so much, honey. You're just the sweetest little peach I ever saw. My little

Jesus. Perfect! I'm so glad we came out here away from Prionize. I'll put my cane out and I'll walk up and I'll sort of pretend to walk by and be like, what do you do there, Monsieur Mademoiselle? No, I'm not for

My indecency don't tell no one. Well, you know, I wasn't going to say anything anyway, but now that you mention it, how about a little exchange? Okay. I guess. She starts to walk towards you. How about a little frill? What do you mean? I'm sorry, but if he

I'm not gonna give you I just want to spice up You know what I'm talking about? She gets down on her knees.

Oh, wait. Oh, well, no, no. We gotta go. It's just funny when I'm looking. If you've seen House Bunny, it's like the scene with the cop at the beginning. Oh, yeah! Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. I mean, get dressed, and then we're gonna go watch a combat to the death. Doesn't that sound fun? Oh! Oh, what? Oh, no, no, no! Stand the fuck up!

Sorry! I'm so sorry, Herbert! What about you, fella? You wanna come? He's just standing there. He's got his hat on his chest. There are tears streaming down his face. Look,

I'm awfully sorry about the misunderstanding, I just think it'll be fun if you can watch a guy punch a clown to death. Doesn't that sound fun? Immediately they both smile and start nodding. Yeah, yeah, you hate clowns too? Let's go, come on! And they grab your hands and the three of you skip towards the... So yeah, I will... Spins upside down. Oh my god.

I'm so sorry for that fucking guy. That's not going to last. Look, if you've seen House Bunny, you get it. Happy 50th anniversary, sweetheart. I'll try anything to keep the relationship alive. Jesus. We go to the arena.

You have found people to watch this fight. And as you're walking back, I believe I named him Harold, but if I didn't, his name's Harold now. No, he was Harold. No, it was Hubert.

Herbert. His name was Herbert. It's too hot in here. It is too hot in here. Herbert stops you for a minute, kisses his lady love on the cheek, and rushes off on a side path and comes back with five more Bullywugs.

Oh yeah, tell all your friends! And as you continue to move, they'll randomly run off in a direction and come back with more. By the time you get back to the arena, you have 50 Bullywugs in tow, all dressed in various degrees of Rococo garb, all of them clearly members of the Soggy Court, as they begin to fill

the stands and you see that it has caught the notice of some of the people that worked here that you didn't even realize were in the back because I didn't think about it at the time, but they're there now because we need circus peanuts and we need hot dogs and we need everything that you would get at something like this. And so they're all here. Okay.

Come with me! Offroad! Join me! Come along, any of you government officials! If so, raise your hand! I'm like the Pied Piper of Bollywood. I'm like that fox from Pinocchio. Honest Jon. And within 10 to 15 minutes, the stadium is filled. Torbek, you have been outfitted with a referee uniform. You've got a whistle hanging around your neck. You've got a cap on and you're wearing a striped shirt.

And you're not quite sure what you're supposed to do with this or what your expectations are, but you are now seen to be in some sort of position of power. Cremie, you're gifted a magical...

I'll say a magical conch shell from the court of coral that when spoken into amplifies your voice and allows you to speak to the crowd as a whole. And you're told to hold off until it's time for the, for the event to start. And somehow through all of this,

Gideon and Chuckles have not destroyed each other yet. They're just staring at each other, squaring off, getting ready to engage in a delicious combat. Ambush. Great. Great joke. For 15 minutes I've been laughing. It is Hiddies laughter.

The event is, everyone has begun to settle down. The Bullywugs have their hot dogs and their peanuts and their drinks. Everybody's excited and a hush begins to fall over the crowd as people begin to look out. Is it going to stop? Do you think that they might? Oh, will there be blood? I don't know about who, but I just want to see someone killed. You're all huddled together in the middle.

You are in the arena? So the four of you are huddled together in the arena. The two of you are focused directly on each other. You've got a clown gun in your face, but the two of you could easily have a quick conversation before you begin the event. You and Torbjorn.

Oh, me and Chubbuck. Yeah, it's just you two. Alright, what's going on? It's pretty bad! It's pretty bad, Oglef! I'm really worried that Gideon's gonna kill Gricko accidentally! Well, here's the thing, you gotta make sure that he beats him up until it looks like Chuckles dies, you understand? That's your job. Okay! Ready?

No, but here we go! Froggies and Toe People! I'm gonna be talking into the, uh, into the, uh, cock shell. Cock shell. Uh, are you ready to see a bloodbath? Whoa! Yeah! Kill them! Are you ready to see something you ain't never seen before? You! Kill them! Do you all count as witnesses? If so, cheer!

We count as witnesses. Yeah, I think so. Yay! Yay! That's legally binding! And begin! I immediately blow the whistle as soon as Kremi yells begin.

ambush we've been standing here for three hours yeah what that thing's supposed to do he's been pointing at me for for forever uh it'll it'll be like this very uh it's a strange looking contraption that looks like a gun but it it has like this dark it looks clown and circus like but it almost has like this dark shadowy uh nature to it and as i pull the trigger i forget what we rolled of this but this uh this i don't think we rolled you want to roll

You just won first. You went first, you drew it, and we can roll. You are going first, I should say. So you guys are each gonna roll a d20 to see if it hits. Oh. 17. Two. Oh!

It was just disintegrate. Oh, that was my ninth level spell! A Bullywug in the stands. No, that's exactly what happens. A massive beam cannon eradicates the Coliseum. And standing there watching, you, Torbek, and Kremi can hear some of the talk that's happening about, who even is fighting? They never announced who this was. How do we know who's dying?

Hot dogs, get your hot dog shh! Man, this Shadowfell stuff is pretty intense! Oh, hey, do you remember Gideon's last fake name? Yeah, it's Muddlemud. Why don't you introduce him and I throw the shell at you. Okay.

Sorry, Ribble's gotten too close to the con. Oh, it's a rippening! Oh! Shut up! Let them fight! Shut up! Wait real quick! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! That

I immediately give the conch shell back to him. And I pointed to each of the men who said it. So wait, so what did you say? Muddle? Muddle up. Muddle up versus squat. But I mispronounced it. Sploop. That's a very Torbic thing to do. I panicked. A lot of pressure. Get your voo-voo-vay-las. Pssst. What?

Oh, I went out of turn. Sorry. Oh, that was my last use. I throw it behind me. And it hits the ground. There's wailing souls. As it shatters. All right, Gideon, it's your turn. All right. After dodging his disintegration beam blast, I'd like to charge at him and try and whip my chain around him to see if I can get him wrapped up.

Not doing any damage. Well, that's just for starters. I'm not punching real hard. Am I rolling against this? Yep. It's a nine to wrap you up. It's a natural one. Uh, so I would run up, flip the chain around you and attempt to get it to swirl around your, uh, form. And then, uh,

And then I would... We haven't even established a safe word! Banania! Banania! Banania! I don't have a safe word for you, you greasy clown! And I pull him towards me and then try and knock him out. Oh, well, greasy was just uncalled for!

17 to hit. How am I ruling? Yeah, you can roll against that. Well, I feel like it counts because you're wrapping me up and punching me, so I feel like that counts. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I got a natural one. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think that's fair. You got a natural one, so... Do you want to roll damage? No. You just get a... I should mark this down. Max damage. Got it. You send out your chains, and you wrap up Chuckles, and just like...

Just like a... I almost said a slinky. But just like the wrapping up of ribbons. He spins towards you as he laughs and flails his arms, completely oblivious to what's going to happen next. And as his body slams into yours, you sink your fist into his face. And you watch as his almost...

almost like plastic-like face, begins to contort and stretch around your fist. It's almost like Gak from when you're a kid. You punch into it and his face goes, and then comes back together. But it seems to do a significant amount of damage.

Full metal clown bomb, bitch. Full metal clown bomb. And there will be a bunch of colorful circus peanuts that just hit your face. Oh! Banania! Banania! And my head will spin around and I will say, um...

I'm not going to say that. Bud Light, get your Bud Light here. Only 16 gold pieces. So my head will spin around. That's outrageous. I'll take one. As you knock my head, it spins around, spins around, spins around. And I just look at you. And I just spit a projectile vomit of... Oh my!

My least favorite bodily activity. Oh, God. Not the clown acid. That'll kill him right away. Oh, what a wonderful day for a bloodbath. And I am going to try to, with my hands ripped, my grapple and restrained. Is that how that works? Yes. Say grappled.

So I will do that. I will attempt to say, oh, Gideon, what's your favorite animal? Quick. It's a pig, man. I've told you like four times. You've asked me every time you take over Gricko's body. It's a pig. Oh, okay. Coming right up. And I'm going to...

And as my hand will inflate, I will try to basically burst into a bunch of balloon animal pigs out of the chains. If that's something I can do. You can roll for it and see if you win. You can do it if you win the roll-off. A three. Roll against it. One or two. I mean, 10% chance you fuck this up. A three!

- Roll again. - Oh, we roll again. - Oh, it's like playing war when you're a kid. - Eight. - 19. - You attempt to turn into these balloon animals,

But you and you do you disperse into all these balloon pigs. But the chains are hot and the balloons are of melty plastic and they melt to and adhere to the chains and the little pigs just wiggle and wiggle trying to get away. It's a horrific sight. Oh, and my face will be melting off. Oh, I'll never be able to get this out.

Oh, no. Just hold on. Oh, my plastic is flashing. Burn.

burning my rubber and I'll take my hat and I will pull it wide and I'll just pull it down and up and I'll return back to normal. Oh, that's much better and less graphic for the children. I know there's some tadpoles in the audience. You gotta keep this PG. It's like Men in Black when you're in a skin suit. Yeah, yeah. Pretty good. Your turn, Gideon. Uh...

Pretzels? Get your pretzels! Unsalted pretzels with avocado-based mayo! Only 23 gold pieces! Uh-oh, never! Hold on one second, Gideon. Pssst! Okay, that was the last charge. Fuck that guy, right? I kinda wanted some of those, man. I'm a little hungry. Unsalted pretzels? I'd eat anything! We're in a swamp! God, do you hate yourself?

18 oh i'm gonna get a natural 20 here i can feel it a 14. oh still wrapped up in the chains i like to be they don't have to be like totally wrapping you but like just around his waist or something i like to keep pulling him in

and then punching him back out. - And you pull him in, you punch him, and he spins out on the ground. You pull him back in, you punch him. This is the second one. - You're beating snot out of him. You're beginning to see his form shift, and you can see bits and pieces of Gricko in there somewhere. - Don't worry, buddy, I'm gonna beat you right back up!

A few of my teeth are missing, like in a very Looney Tunes style way. Oh, nice shot, Gideon. I won't let this horrible clown have your body, even if I have to bury you. Well, you know what they say. I'm fine getting a little roughed up. To make an omelet, you got to break a few eggs. And then in my hands will be a big barrel.

that's striped and colorful, but almost like a dark-toned circus, and I'm going to try to smash it over your head as a bunch of red monkeys spill out and cover you. My flesh! What a horrible way to go. Tiny, fleshy monkeys. Oh my god. Wow!

Seven? One. It was meant to be. It's desperate. Oh my god. I twisted or something. Can I twist? PvPs. Okay.

The monkeys hit the ground and they begin to sizzle and pop. These were clearly a barrel of poison monkeys. They would have annihilated acidic, poisonous monkeys. They would have annihilated your flesh. But you were able to dodge out of the way as they sizzle and pop into the earth. And they run away. Oh no! No, I promise I have more bananas! I have more bananas! Oh!

Bloody Mary's. Get your Bloody Mary's here. Bloody Mary's with one of those deep fried cheeseburgers on top of it. Why the fuck not? Only 42 gold. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it is screaming and it hurts. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh! Oh! Oh! The sand is littered with vendor bodies. Oh!

And another one comes truffling down the stairs. Fucking roller coaster tycoon! There's always more guests! Somebody just, just, like, you know, sweeps off the wreckage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what are you waiting for, Gideon? What we do here will echo through oncturnity! Oh, my teeth are missing, there's blood coming out of my eyes. *splat*

Natural 20. 19! Fuck! That's the worst number you could have gotten. That's so much worse. Is there any chance that this would be where I get the sense that this is a killing Wong, for instance? Or not? No, not close. So I had set that it was going to be five. Whoever got to the fifth hit. Oh, God.

The natural one with the monkeys counted as a hit against him. And so that put you at three. A natural 20 counts as two. So this will be the fifth hit, per my calculations. Just give me one moment to say something before you do what you... Give me a point. So I...

grab the end of the chains and I whip a wave through them, launching him up in the air and I leap up after him and grab him in my arms, spin upwards and then...

I'll pull out a sign that says "Uh-oh!" and then as I'm slammed down... Yeah, from 20 feet in the air or however high I can get him by whipping the chains, I'll just pile drive him back into the earth with a seismic toss. As I pull out the sign, I'll look at you and my time will stop.

And all my eyes will go wide as my pupils get smaller, smaller, and red, as I will say, "That's right, Gideon, entertain them. "My clowncestors are smiling at me, Gideon. "Can you say the same?"

As you're falling, you hear him say this to you, and as you're falling, you begin to see chuckles fade away. As Gricko's body is now in your arms, you realize it a second too late as you slam Gricko's tiny goblin body into the ground. You can hear all of his bones snap beneath the ground. Don't worry, bud, I'm going to bring you back!

If I sense that this is the end, Torbeth would blow the whistle to signify the end of the bout. I will say you can easily do that. You have been watching this entire thing. You see the moment that this clown ceases to be Chuckles and becomes Gricko, and you blow the whistle a second before notating the win of Gideon against Chuckles. Oh.

I am literally in a hole in the ground of the arena, and I'm just Yom-Tah. Yes, thank you! Perfect. Thank you. I love Yom-Tahs. He gets so fucked so quick. Dust has swirled up from the base of the Coliseum as it clears. Everyone looks upon Griggo. The Coliseum goes crazy. Everybody is tearing and screaming. Long live, what was your name?

It's Mundle Mud. Oh, yeah. Mundle Mud, the winner. Mundle Mud has fell above the bow beast. Mundle Mud has a clean slate. That's it, folks. The clown's dead, and he disintegrated immediately, leaving a goblin he must have eaten earlier or something. It's over? Thanks for coming. Oh, shit. Does anyone want full cooked chicken piccata?

on dinner plates? Chicken piccata! Hey! Hot and fresh chicken piccata! Who wants some? One of the Bullywugs stands up and says, Shut up, we're listening! And he stabs you in the back. Ah!

Lemony capers. As the dust is settling from the athlete pile driver, I will look into the camera and say, could Marquis have rode any worse? LAUGHTER

That was a streak. Holy shit. Holy shit. Unbelievable that the only roll I lost was initiative. You just absolutely landslided it. Yeah, you absolutely did. I'm sorry, that was cuckles. Yikes! And with the Bullywugs, you hear bits of conversation. Oh, but that's

I have to put on a new dress if I'm going to watch Electrum Shed. Do you think that there will be something going on in the opera? I don't know. I haven't seen an opera in 15 years, but I'd like to see one tonight if you'll escort me, Jennifer. And they begin to make... Just make a name for it. I'm going to say Jennifer. I want to go see the opera. And then...

Without a second glance, now that this is over, they're no longer interested as they all begin to make their way towards the castle to prepare themselves for the night's endeavors. May Torbek keep the small brass whistle? Yes. I tuck it away in my filthy sack. Right next to where he keeps his bag. I immediately start looking around for Frost and Twig. And Seep.

I can't believe we've got 33 bodies and not a key on one of them. I don't know what to do. I could have sworn it was right over here. I swear. And as you look around, you see that it's like the book and movie holes. I don't know what to do.

We just have to keep digging. We need to get that key. If we're gonna free Morbo...go. I wanted to say Morbo. I don't even know who she is, but okay. Yes, yes, yes. Don't you have some sort of innate abilities that might be able to seek something out? I can only do things with my mind when I've not been spending the days like I have. I don't have the ability. No. Have you ever had hiccups before? No.

He has one. Yeah, no, the only thing I can do is this. And you feel your vampiric delusion leave you. What have I done? Yeah, that's all I can do. I've...

I murdered two innocent people. What do you mean? I bit my friend Gricko. What do you mean? I tried to turn you into a servant of the night. What do you mean? I'm Twigfeld. I was under the influence of Fae Magics. No! That convinced me that I was a vampire. My body is full. My stomach is full of blood, but it doesn't bring me nourishment. I'm not a vampire. This is...

You've done terrible things, Twig. You thought you were a vampire? No, I'm sorry. Thank you for believing in me. That's very kind, but... Yeah. It's time for an existential crisis. With the vampire confusion out of my mind, I think I may actually remember where we buried the initial bodies. Okay. I'm sorry. I can still call you Twigfield if you'd like.

I would like that a lot, but only in secret so nobody else knows. Yes, I like that part too. One, two, three, three treats from the entrance and about 24 pieces. Follow me. Let's go. Bags of blood! Bags of mysterious humanoid blood! I break his neck with my mind and then I continue.

Without the vampire cloud confusion, I'd like to think that Frost would immediately be able to find me. I would say easily. And so it takes some more time. And I would say you stand here waiting for a while and you don't...

You don't see frost coming back. There's no twig. You imagine you're going to have to seek them out yourselves.

Can you make sure he's not dead? Here, I think I still have one of these from earlier. Yeah, I do. He's fine, man. He's just playing dead. He does this every time I hit him. All right, hold still, Graco. I'm going to run over to you and I'm trying to be as gentle as I can, but I'm a lot bigger than you. I'm going to grab your face with my horrific...

and just like jam the entire banana down your throat and like stick my finger like way in there and push the banana down your throat. Oh, come on, Graco, swallow the banana! And I have like this disgusting long finger that's like pushing the banana down your throat. Oh, oh.

You can do it, Draco! You can do it! You gotta get him to chew it up, like move his jaw back and forth a little bit, you know? Okay, ah! Ah, come on! And then I'll start like rubbing your throat, but I'm like... Come on! Live, damn it! Ah!

We have to run, Twigfield. I have a sense that somebody's jamming an unpeeled banana down someone's throat. Red! A red hog! It's okay. We established it was banana beforehand, so that means nothing. He's just talking crazy. Keep going! Keep going! My ears are in Torbeck ears! Mikey, make a death-saving throw, please. I'm not real. I'm not real.

I was like, now the 20 will come. All of these knives. Now the 20 will come. I was convinced. Roll this tiny guy right there. Yeah, roll another one. Two. Oh, no!

Oh no, you got the stink on you. Surely the bananas reached his stomach acid. It's about this time that the magics of the banana takes hold. You feel yourself on the brink of death. Your jaw is splintered into hundreds of pieces. Your bones are nothing but shards of marrow floating in your man flesh. But you can breathe again. As

You can say this doesn't happen. But as my consciousness is dying, I have no idea what just happened. Chuckles have been ripped from my brain. As I'm feeling my dead savings, Torbjörn is doing just as much harm as good. I feel like my vision is dark and suddenly it starts to fade in as there's rattling on a cart.

And then I see, I'm like, and I hear like a carnival sounds and I'm on like basically a big goofy clown cart and chuckled in there. Oh, good. You're awake. Oh no. As I come back, as soon as you're breathing, I would have been like, Oh, Cricko is breathing. Ripple is a god.

And I would scoop you up and hug you very tight. About this time. Yep, that's his shoe right there. You were right, Frost. I can't believe it took this long. I'm

Do you think that we have to remarry the other 33 Monies, or do you think that the swamp will do its work? Yeah. Great. You know the swamp better than I do. I just wanted to, okay, well, I'll pull the shoe off, and presumably the key is inside, and I'll put the shoe back. I'll pull the other shoe off, and presumably the key is inside. It's not.

He's undoing his pants! It's harder than it looks to me. I mean, to be fair, he's covered in swamp gunk, so it's sticking. You know how when you try and put pants on, when you just get out of the shower, it sticks to your skin? No. Oh.

No, it happens when the rigor mortis sets in. It happens every time. Do you try to put your pants on right after you take a shower? Don't you towel up first? I have a towel. No, not every time.

Fun fact, I once learned that Steve Carell apparently does not dry off. He puts his clothes on immediately after he showers, and I can't stop thinking about it in this moment. Nice. That reminds me of something I learned long ago. He was pretty funny in Ever and Almighty. Just hold on to the other side and tug with me. We need to get these pants off. I'm sure it's in here for some reason.

We undress both of the corpses until we find the key. You find no key. Oh my god. There's no key on these guards' bodies. Do you think it fell off into the muck?

I'll reach around with my mind hand and see if I can find it. You're gonna give him a reach around with your mind? Yeah, I can reach around with my mind hand anytime I want to. Gideon, voice from nowhere. I can give him a little tug while I'm at it. Why do you think I'm wearing this fucking robe? I'll search around the bottom of the swamp and see if I can find it. Oh, an investigation check. Are we playing Dungeons and Dragons?

That's a D100. That's not right. Give me some hot 23 action. You look around and it's very clear there's no key here. Holy crap. These guards didn't possess the key. Oh no. I feel like I'm convinced.

Do you think perhaps one of them dropped it when I initially dropped them at the entrance? I mean, it's possible. I wasn't there at the time. When I came back, they were mostly already submerged in the muck, and you were just covered in blood thinking you were mist. Yes, I did think I was mist. Let's hope that it's at the entrance and that perhaps one of them dropped it when I dropped them. Okay, I'll help you. And you can roll with advantage to look at the entrance. That was this. Yes. Yes.

Uh, 18. Looking around, it's very clear that there are no signs of a key anywhere. Well... We're gonna have to go tell Crummy, and I don't think he's gonna like the words that come out of our face. No, no, he's not gonna like these words at all. Think he's gonna yell at Twig? I'll let him yell at me. I'll take the brunt of it for you. Okay. I don't get yelled at very well.

I'm a little grid out, you know? Oh, yes, yes, I've forgotten about the Humphrey. Let's... The Humphrey? It's not important. I'm just really hoping I get that fourth wall promptly. All right, well, let's go towards the back and let Crammy know the bad news. Okay. Churros in the shape of a pretzel. It's not dessert if it's in the shape of a pretzel. LAUGHTER

34, buddy. At this point, you have just brought Gricko, too. He's alive. You feel like a god. Torbjorn, is that you? It's Ripple, but yes. Oh, that's right. Ripple, I forgot.

Did we do it? Oh, well, we did something. I probably still have as much context as you. Hooray. I'd like to walk up and just gruffly pat Gricko on the back and say, hey, you did great, man. I'm happy you're back. Oh, did I? Yeah.

Do you think this vendor is selling any popsicles? It's cleared. The sign that every single vendor that had been here is gone now. The entire stadium is cleared out. And popsicles! He slips and thinks...

me shaping gumballs in the eyes well i think that guy was selling popsicles and i mean there's one there but it fell on all the dirt and blood and bones and stuff so i mean oh yeah what an idiot got his blood and bones everywhere

Oh, and the teeth. Yeah. I don't think you want to eat that. I mean, that's mostly you. I love that in Graco's reality, Morgo just threw a fucking glass of swamp water at his face and then you woke up. That was one hell of a swamp water.

While that is all happening, I would be very anxiously looking around the hut where the jail is to just get any sign of Frost and Twig, just hoping for the key. And you don't look too long before you see Frost and Twig walk around the side of the hut, both of their heads held low as they walk toward you dejectedly. You're gonna yell at anyone, Grimmy.

oh baron help me and i just like you just sort of like speed walked or speed walking up to them when i see that they look disappointed when i get like close enough please tell me you found the key no we didn't find the key i don't think the guards morgo must have been mistaken we did find the original bodies but there wasn't a key on them nor was there any in the mud nor was it at the entrance they must not have had that key i swear to you i mean she said the prison gods had the key and it's a magic key

Right? I know she said that to you. I, uh... You're damn sure you found the two gods you killed. Allegedly. Well, uh, understand that I was under a curse that made me convinced that I was a vampire. That's why I went out and did the things that I did. That's why you found me the way that I was. But once that cleared and I was able to use my mind, I was able to investigate thoroughly. You have to believe me. I left no swamp rock left unturned.

Torbek, you first, yourself. I look around Kremi and I see the scene with Gideon and Torbek and the other one, Griggo. And...

Hey, Frosty! What happened here, Cremmy? The plan went perfectly. Every part of the plan except your part of the plan. Unfortunately, I don't know what the fuck we're going to do. Wait, a key? What if by magic key she meant like, oh, the key is like a code word that they say and it's a magic word they speak to open?

And unlock it and knock it. Oh, it was like their friendship or something, and each one of them had to touch the gate and the door would just swing open. Wouldn't that have been funny? Oh, that's magical! Yeah, it would be magical. Yeah. Or maybe it was just different guards that had the key, and we'll just wait until they show up. We have all those witnesses. And, you know, hopefully by then the word will spread. Oh, wait, what happened to the guards that were out there? Oh, uh...

You know what, Git? Because it's you, Frosty killed him. Oh, that's awesome, man. Why did you do that? He like ripped the fucking throat out. Holy shit.

Yes, and I made one of them watch. Yeah, real sadistic stuff. Like psychopath serial killers. Can't you just kill them with your mind? Like, why'd you have to make one watch? Well, I wanted their hearts beating while I sucked the blood from their body, if you have to ask.

Well, okay, that explains it. Is that obvious? It wasn't, but now that you explained it, it makes perfect sense. I'm ashamed of what I did. Well, the good news is, is that if Downfall is a union town, their replacement should be showing up right on time, according to their negotiated shift start. I wonder when that is.

We could ask Morgo. Or perhaps she has an idea about where the key could be if she understands that the guards didn't have that on them. Yeah, we're gonna have to... Don't tell her you killed the guards. Maybe say that they skipped out because they heard the commotion on the other side and they just enjoyed the festivities and left. Perhaps they enjoyed the festivities so much they went on a vacation.

Oh, yeah, that's a great idea. Enjoy other varieties of similar festivities in other lands. And they probably pack with them, like, you know, a variety of clothing in case it got too hot or too cold. And it's kind of more of a temperate area. The nights might be a little chilly, you know? Should have had a bit of...

I have a pair of jeans as well. I'll mention that if she asks. I don't know how that helps me with this lie. I felt like the vacation thing was really solid. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's a good idea to vacation. Where are they going? They're going to... Yon. To see other trials by combat. Oh yeah, and they booked it with their travel agent, Stacy.

And she said they should pack a pair of jeans for the chilly knots. Yes, I solicited all of this information when I asked about the key and they told me that they didn't have them, correct? Yeah, it's a good idea. And they took a balloon. Oh, they took a balloon. Yeah, they were saving up and they were able to get business class because they don't get to trade these trips very often. Okay. So, that's a good idea. Wait, when are they coming back? How long is the trip?

You know, they didn't mention it. They said vacation. But it's not very believable if we don't know how long it is. Look, I don't really want to lie to Morgo, all right? Why don't we just go in there and say, oh, the gods didn't have the key. Was it another set of gods? Do they show up later? When do they show up? Was it a special? Was it a key in like a metaphorical sense?

I'm still feeling a little lost from my experience earlier. My magical hand produces a dinner plate. Oh, chicken piccata. Oh, is that a churro shaped like a pretzel? I'll dunk it in the Bloody Mary.

I make my way back to Morgo, presuming everyone comes with me. Yeah, and you go back inside. All right, Morgo, it's done. I got at least 50 witnesses, probably close to 100. Some of them are dead. All right.

Well, unlocked the cell. Well, here's the thing. No, no, no, no. Here's the thing. No, here's the thing. The gods didn't have the keys on. Yes. What do you mean they didn't? Of course they had the keys on. They each should have had a key. They each had a key. Yes, of course. Well, according to them...

They didn't have any keys. Around the neck, they wore a chain, and on it, there was a metal frog-shaped box, and inside of it was a small key. These are details I could have used earlier. Oh, you mean like this, that it took off the guards before we buried them? And she holds up exactly what Morgo has described.

We're going to talk about this later, Twigfield. Did I do good? There's the sand dogs that they wanted to go to. So they had... Oh, here we go. No, no, no. Yes, they gave us the keys that Twig just produced, Morgo, and then they said that they were going to go to... Yeah, but I like stuff...

I thought it was a real one, so I tried to lick it and then I realized it was a necklace. I thought, well, I can't lick it, but I could wear it. So I took it, because we were going to bury him anyway, so I didn't think it'd be a big deal. You are a genius, Twig. Thanks. You can keep those once we use them to free Morgo. Okay. And the key, too? May I see the keys? Well... You'll get them back. I've grown really attached to both of them. Yes.

We just need to... It's a key inside the... It's like a frog locket with a key inside, right? Frog with a key inside. Like one of those deals. This one's named Bill, and this one's Ted. Oh. And in my mind, they can travel through time. That's ridiculous. You know, we can all travel through time. They would have the most bogus adventures. Do you mind if I take a look at one of those? Why not? Ask them.

What do they have, Mr. Frog Pendant Key thing? Ask them by their names. What are their names? I just told you two questions. It's Bill and Ted, man. It's Bill and Ted. You're not a very good listener, Kremi. You're being literal. Bill, Ted, do you mind if I open you up and

Pull out one of them keys. I just need one. And give them back to Twig afterwards? Give it back in 30 seconds at last. Is that okay? Are your peaches free?

That's what the green bear and Karen do. I just snap one open and grab the key out of it. And they open very easily, and there are clearly two identical keys inside. It looks like whichever guard had been here would have easily been able to use it to unlock the key. I just immediately unlock the key, throw it back in, and pass it back to her. Yes! Hot bell! Hot head! And she puts them both around her neck. Totally.

Toad. All right. The gate to the cage swings open and Morgo stands up and she picks up a few belongings she had with her. Something appears to look like a journal, a small satchel, a rock, a couple of other things. She shoves into her bag and writes the hood on her neck and on her shoulders and

"Well, thank you for that. You have a lot to do, but I promise I'm honorable, I will be a valuable companion, and you've done a great service to me this day. And so, Morgo, previously the former, but now the current Knight of Horts, is eternally in your debt."

And she moves to step forward, and as she does, she slams into a magical force field and shoots backwards back into the cage. She looks up and she goes, Did you make sure to mention my name in the tournament? And that is where we'll end the session. Oh, no!

"Oops." "Oh no!" And Marky was thinking that. But Gricko was in chuckles, who didn't care about such things. So there was no way to ask if any of the witnesses were clear that Morga was being felt. "It's too hot for these mind games, Vicki. This is horseshit."

I was just an accomplice to two murders. It's like one of those hell loops where you open the door and you're still in prison. Honestly, I think our body count for this episode is the highest so far.

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