Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 23 | Stumped
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Oh, hello, everyone. Welcome to Legends of Avancerous. My name is Grickle Grimgrin, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witch Life. Here's what happened last time. The hut clearly held aloft in the fog is Bavlorna's cottage. The only way to get there is through Brigham's Tollway. This is as far as I can get, Chuck. Is anyone else worried about the fact that it's, like, completely silent here? Good, maybe we use someone as bait.

You've baited before, like a lot. Tormek's been known to bait here and there.

Well, shit, there's only one way forward. Let's just get on the dock and start walking. We have to actually approach this possible ambush. As you become aware that somewhere along the way, a hunched hooded figure has joined the group. You have been being watched by none other than Agdon Longscott, the brigand prince of Prismir. There are at least 50, if not more, heron gone staring down at you. Give me what you've got until I'm satisfied.

Add Dinlongscarf and his four companions, for that's all I need. Oh. We'll challenge all of you. Fair fight. Including the little one. Oh.

Oh, it feels so good to be free. There is something about you, Torbek, that absolutely terrifies him. Agdon is in hundreds of pieces floating on the surface of the water. It is, everything has quieted around you. That's a lot of blood in the water. He said, oh, wow, that's a nose. I'm gonna... Ah. Ah.

- The sitting on the edge of the dock is a scarecrow? Ever since my actual head was taken by these heron gone, it's really hurt in here. Last time on, you all killed somebody. Okay, so you are now sitting on the dock. That was the full last time on. You were sitting on the dock. Telomihill has long since faded into the distance.

with the swirling fog around you. You imagine occasionally you see glimpses of the top of the hill peeking out over the fog, but it's only for seconds. He's clearly made his way to safety with Jingle Jangle in tow. As you sit on this docks, you notice that all is quiet after the defeat of the brigand prince of Prismir, Agdon Longscarf.

All of the Harin-Gan that had been perched atop the stump have seemingly disappeared, and it is quiet around you, except for the sound of a faint plopping noise, one after another, as your attention is drawn to the farther end of the pier, where you see a strange creature, a scarecrow.

dressed in burlap with two crab pincers for hands. And atop its head, where a head should be, or in the case of a scarecrow, where a burlap sack should be, is an old and twisted gourd replacing its head. And as it reaches down, it picks up with its pincer claws a rock and tosses it into the water, making the soft plopping sound.

And as you notice it, it turns to you and begins to speak, letting you know that it is Clapperclaw, and they are the child soul ripped from Gehenna and placed in this body by one of the hags. Seems happy for all things considered. It kicks its legs back and forth and enjoys the soft breeze.

The Scarecrow seems interested in you, but not completely engrossed. Occasionally mumbling to itself and for all intents and purposes not trying to hold down a conversation with you.

Do you have a question? Yeah. Does Frost know what Gehenna is? Roll a religion check. I guess history would work, too. I'll let you choose. I prefer history. Go for it. Of course you would. Not that I'm trying to optimize this.

And the flood of '83. Harold was born. You're thinking of the war of '82. And then for the sake of making it easy for you, that is an image of Clapper. Oh my god. Wait, is the whole big thing his head, or just the little small thing on top? The whole big thing is his head. Oh wow. It's a two-tiered gourd. It's got like a crab claw. Oh, I prefer religion for some reason. Interesting. Put it in the hanger.

Uh, that'll be a natural one. Do you guys think I should twist this? No, I'll take it. Let's go with an eight. You imagine the word sounds familiar. Do you know you've heard of it before? What it is, where it's from, any specifics about it? You have no idea, but you've definitely heard the name. Hey, kid.

Oh, are you talking to me? Yeah, is your name... We were told the name Clapperclaw by... I believe so. Yes, you were. Somebody else mentioned it. You have heard the name Jingle Jingle told you of Clapperclaw. Yeah, that's right. Is your name Clapperclaw by chance? How did you know my name? Am I getting, like, super famous? Well, no, we heard all about you. We know that you're... So I am getting super famous? I mean, you know, your name precedes you, so yeah, I guess you're kind of off. For what did I do to get famous, do you think?

Well, we heard that you're the only one that can... Is it because Eggman Longscarf stole my head and is now holding it hostage, so I have to wear this gourd where my head had been? Oh, he's the one who stole your head? Yeah, that's why I'm here. I snuck away from Downfall in the hopes that I would be able to get my head back. Well, our best friend Torvek took care of that fella. You're not gonna have to worry about him no more.

Yeah, we'd offer you his head, but it's kinda really more just like bone chips and blood. I do like bone chips and blood, but I would really prefer to have my head back, but the thing is, I can't climb up to the top of this dump to get it. Oh, so...

So A, it's good that he's dead though, right? We did the right thing, huh? Well, because I've been dead before, I like, am not so worried about people dying and stuff. Like, it's going to happen eventually, you know. What we did was, that was our justified, right fellas? I mean, it was pretty brutal, but you know. He stole a lot of things from a lot of people. Oh, would she keep playing on your fly pad? Oh!

Oh, that's rabbit soup. Torbek still isn't really sure that Torbek did this. Oh, it was definitely you, man. You should take this, by the way. I think you're now the brigand prince. I toss him the scarf. No, Torbek doesn't want this.

I think it's kind of like a keep what you kill kind of situation. I think it's just like, whether you want it or not, you wear the crown. Yeah, it must always be a smavish moans, you know? It's completely soaked through with what I hope is swamp water. Oh, yeah, no, he was in, I chased him down there as a crocolisk. Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, or I guess I dragged him into the depths very closely. Yeah.

And gave you, I really alley-ooped you to that. Scene of blood and, was it bone chips and blood you said, Gideon? Bone chips and blood. You know, actually. That's about all that's left in his ear. Strangely, that was the name of my band when I was in Goblin College. It was bone chips and blood. I was going through a bit of a phase. Were you kind of one of those like experimental men? Yes.

Yeah, I know. Why did I admit that? Anyway, Toolbag, I think Gideon is right. I think you are the bringing prince now. Oh, guys, really? This was some sort of horrible accident. That's a good question. How and what, why, who, whom, whomsoever,

And bees? Answer all of seven, please. Torbjorn doesn't know! Hmm. Look, I mean, based on what we saw, we can gather that, you know, you sniffed danger and those plungers just, you know, they did their thing and the tubes were going and your blood was sort of mixing with the goop and...

You transformed again. It wasn't quite as spooky as the first time, I'll admit. I mean, you were like still half the size, thank the gods, but you were still a big fucker and you, I mean, the bones break in and... I mean, you literally, your hands turn into, you know,

Like a fucking meat grinder, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and you know, I'm very used to changing form, but it's more of like a mystical woodland spirit, as opposed to like breaking sinews and stretching ligaments. I'm really familiar with stretching ligaments, because sometimes when I bogger it out, I just get really big, you know?

Although I guess it's mostly... It's mostly, like, not even really me, you know? It's like a lot of shadowy stuff. You're more familiar with it, I think.

I mean, I sort of understand the feeling, but-- But I think what that means is we're a lot more similar than we thought, you know? Also, my glass is cracked. See? And there's a huge crack in her glasses that make it look like in one space, there are three different eyes there. This probably looks horrific! Yeah, so would you like me to repair that? No! I'm going to sow fear in the hearts of many.

Twig, you had a rough couple of minutes. Here you go. Just one more. Just get one more down for me. Look at this.

little tiny banana. Well, yeah, it's a banana. It's a little mini fella. There we go. Okay. Oh, I squeezed it too hard and it splooshed all over my face. That's what it's supposed to do. It's medicinal. That's the good stuff. It's in my nose. Oh, yeah. There used to be, when I first started, when I first learned that spell, they were like, oh, plantain-sized.

so I've been working on getting them smaller and smaller to make it more palatable in action packed situations thank you are you sure you don't want me to repair your glasses you need them to see

Yeah, I mean, no, these aren't prescription. I just wear them because I'm cute. Oh, okay, then that's fine. How many fingers am I holding up? Seven. Oh, okay. And see, watch, do it again.

Seven. Frosty's very good at repairing things. You should give him a good one and let him show you his stuff. You remember when I repaired one of the trinkets in your home before we destroyed it? Yeah, I do. That's when I knew we were going to be the best friends forever. That was right after...

No, that was before it was all broken by Gricko. Yes. Was it old me? Yeah. Yeah, it was all you. Yes, yes. Clean the place up, fix it up. You zug-zugged all over. Yeah. Oh, here when that happens. Torbek, the deduction that we're making is that when you're under the influence of this material in your...

back chambers. This witch light. That you don't know what you're doing. You become another person entirely. Someone, some personality seems to dwell within you waiting to rise up to the surface as soon as you are transformed. Yeah, I can relate to that a lot because I have my bugger to me all the time trying to come out. Oh, Frost. Does Frost mean the other voice? Yes.

You can hear this other... Do you have conversations with this stranger in your mind? Oh, no, Torbeck just drinks a lot, and that usually keeps them at bay. Are you being honest with me? Yes, why would Torbeck lie? To hide the fact that you're having conversations with some sort of sinister other. Well, I think what he's saying is that he does have conversations with this sinister other, but he drinks to make him go away.

Conversation is very one-sided. Look, we're not going to get to the bottom of this now, you understand? No, I agree. And I mean, should we be concerned about the, like, 50 rabbits that were on top of that stump aiming bows and arrows at us? Well, Tobeck is now their king or prince. Well, that's what I mean. By right of conquest or whatever, like, put the thing on. Oh.

Tormek's always wanted to be royalty! And they're like, I'll start to put the scarf on, it makes this horrible squelching wet noise against my fur, and there's like, you know, I'm like holding, Tormek's holding back tears as he puts on the bloodstained scarf. Ah!

It looks so nice. Yeah, you look beautiful. And with minor illusion, I'll make my voice boom out. Look at that. It's a tall back long scarf, bringing Prince of Prism here. That's a handsome scarf you got there. Hey. Hey. Oh, ask about the F-Sack.

What? The ass sack was all of our souls what they took. We're not going to jump right to that. Let's try to see what we can do getting up there. And as you say all this, you still have the spell active as your voice booms out over these. What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck?

Oh, I didn't turn it off! Oh, shit! Mute. Fucking idiots. You wait and listen. You hear your voice echo out over the swamp, but you do not hear any response. There is no clapping in response. You do not see any heads peek out over the top of the ridge of the stump.

It is quiet. Alright, so either they're gone or they're waiting for some kind of ambush. I'm not sure which I'd prefer, to be honest. Gone means the lack of danger and also the lack of knowledge that they have about this dump and the rest of the city. If they were to swear allegiance to Torbek, we would learn much.

Well, I mean, we should definitely keep it as a plan. But either way, we got to get up in that stump, we got to get this fella's head back, and we got to find that F-Sack. Exactly right. I'll say we just head on in. I mean, even if there are 50 rabbits in there, I mean, Twiggy's going to kill like half of them in an instant. See what she did back there? Yeah, it's... I almost did the clapper claw. Um...

Yeah, I mean, I hate to say it, but I'm a hardened killer now. Yeah, I think we should... Yeah, I'll make that... Someone's gonna have to hold me back. And Pig Tunia is just indisposed. Wait a minute. I'll point to the boat with the war-crimed, annihilated rabbits that was put to sleep first. That was... That was... That was...

No, no, all I did was hit Twigsy. What's her name, Twigsy? My name's Twig. I mean, Twigsy, because she's cute, you know? So, yeah, Twigsy. I had Twigsy in the face with the horrible necrotic spell, and that's been the rest of the combat, trying to keep her alive. Yeah, see? Look at my glasses. It's broken. I kept trying to punch the rabbits and missing everybody. So, I mean, she did almost all. I think she hit the numerical value that considers her godlike. I had to help my friends, because otherwise...

all gonna die. Yeah, like I had her in my arms and she's like, I'm dying of onism. And then she like lifted her arm up and like blew their fucking heads off. It wasn't their head. Well, it was kind of their heads that she blew off. Anyway, you missed it, but their crotches exploded. Here's your fly pad. Here's another. Here's some more flies. I just threw a handful of flies on the lily pad.

Guys, we may be turning down a dark path in this adventure.

But you know what? I guess it's what we gotta do. One question I have, Torbek. Do your back canisters refill? I try to look up and see if the back canisters have refilled. I don't know how obvious it is. You look at them and you see bits of bubbling as clearly the liquid is slowly rising up. When you ask this question and try to look, Torbek tries to look at his own back and be a walking insert.

Someone told, go take a look. I'll go over and inspect. And you see that? Yeah. I see that it's rising. Well, what does this mean? What does this mean?

How is that even possible? Where's it coming from? I don't know. I mean, it's got to be magically regenerating himself. I think the bigger question is, what the hell is his trigger mechanism? I'd say it's tied to some kind of biological component in his body that triggers upon fear, but he's basically always afraid. Do you think maybe it's a word? Someone said a word? Oh, you think it could be initiative?

That's the best joke I've ever heard. That's the best joke I've ever heard. Easily. Easily. That's a Derek joke. That was a winner. Shockingly intelligent and smart. Torben has to kill the Prime Minister of Moldova.

That Torbek, he's so hot right now. Torbek is the original Daryl E. Oh my god! It works on so many levels. If we don't get some zoo

- We riot, we riot. - We need that whole scene animated between Torbec and evil Torbec. - You could be Derek Zoolander and then Gideon could easily be on. - I'm not your bro. - The second personality speaks in the back of your head and you're just like, God. - The files are in the face.

We were lied to. It's not in here at all. Come on, Tormek. Let's go get some orange mocha campitinos. And that's when Gricko Frost and Chromie Dine a freak gasoline.

All right, so the rest of the session is a few later. We're just having a sexy gasoline fight and then someone lit it on fire. How are we to know? No, gentlemen, my top hypothesis is that he has the same amount of witch light in him

And that, perhaps it's not a word, but the adrenaline of combat that the Witchlight seeks out or perhaps triggers the plungers as they go. And what's in him is slowly sapping back into the canisters. Oh, wow.

I mean, that feels a little too logical for the Feywild. I mean, I just feel like it's magic, and we don't got to explain shit. It just happens. The serum, whatever this liquid is, may be Fey, but the devices are clearly some sort of machine, a device that's trying to control that. I've seen a lot of GID's engineering, and it looks nothing like it.

Well, I mean, I've been trying to figure out this fey engineering, but I'm only 20 pages in so far, and it's only been a children's fantasy tale about the power of friendship. So I haven't gotten to the piece that talks about bioengineering yet. I'm hoping that's like page 21. Oh, it's a young adult novel. Oh, geez. Yeah.

I mean, I suppose I could skip all of it, but what if it ends up being important in the end? Oh, is like the main character a heroine who's very plain yet beautiful? Yes. Are parents both dead? Does she have a bow and arrow? She's extremely clumsy, but she's also a stealthy killer. Ah!

Oh, she's probably got two different colored eyes. Well, actually, her father's dead. Her mother went missing at a young age for unknown reasons. Oh, so she thinks that the mother's dead, and then suddenly the mother will come back only to die a book later. Hey, spoilers, man. Spoilers. I don't have a fake engineering tooth for dummies. Normally, the mom comes back and is some kind of princess of, like, a fairy kingdom or something, and she finds out she's not fully human. She's a half-elf, actually, and that's why her ears are kind of pointy. Oh.

I don't know if she's coming back, though, because, I mean, I don't see how she can come back in the story. There's a character that's got a mask on and has kind of the same ears and is about the right height, but I don't think that that's her. You're right. That's ridiculous. It just wouldn't fit at all. He's a summer child. I mean...

Come on! You know, she's dead. And the mask is probably just a coincidence. Nah, I mean, you know, you never unmask a masked character. That's their whole thing. They're all about the mask. Who would do that? Anyway, let's continue. Okay. Mr. Crab Claw, fella. Clapper Claw. Clapper Claw. Would you like to join us at the top of the stump? Unfortunately, I cannot get to the top of the stump. Well, what if we, like, carry you up to the top of the stump? Yeah, we can escort you. We can help.

I was told I wasn't allowed to go up there, so that means I can't go up there. Who told you that? One of the Bullywugs in Downfall. Well, I mean, how are they gonna know? You won't tell them if you don't. So, you mean you can just do the opposite of what you say you're going to do?

Yeah, that's pretty much it. Unless you have some horrible curse at a carnival where you can't do that. That's a living hell, let me tell you. Are you saying that you promised that you wouldn't go to the top of the stump? I was told, like, oh, you know, this guy has your head and you are not allowed to go get it, so you can't go to the top of the stump. And I said, okay, I won't go to the top of the stump. I will go stand at the bottom of it.

Has anybody got a copy of those three things? I was just thinking of those. No, I think what's more important is whether or not the promise may have some negative effect. Perhaps going up there would break her word, and it may not be anything to do with the laws. But who are they to say, I mean, he's the prince. Like, he owns the whole stump now. What if he just invites her in, you know, and it kind of overrides the, or, you know, yeah, overrides the, like, hey, you can't go up there. He's like, hey, come on.

I don't come out in, you know. I like friends. Plus, there's a difference between promising not to do something and someone telling you you can't. For example, Mr. Krammy used to tell Torbeck to climb up the Ferris wheel, but don't fall.

fall off and Torbeck regularly fell off. No promises, Mr. Crammy. But the reason I kept you around is you survived. Most didn't. In fact, no one else did. Yeah, no, I guess you're right. Not a single other of those three dozen fellas survived.

We call that the 35. I kept raising the pay of my whole copy piece every time one died. We can never attract the right talent. Is that why those pigs that we kept around were always so well fed? Yeah.

My albeit limited understanding of the rules of this place of the Feywild, and you may understand better than me, depending on how long you've been here. But my limited understanding is that there's a rule of hospitality, of ownership and of reciprocity.

However, at the top of this dump are not items that were owned by the people who told you you couldn't go up there. They were themselves stolen. And so I think that you have every right to go and return what you rightfully own to your head. I would really like to have my head back if there's a way to get it. Well, join us. I remember this. If you feel weird about going up there, then why don't we just get it? Yeah, we'll go fetch it for you. What does it look like?

So it's really cool. It is... It has antlers on it. It is... I'm not sure if it's a goat or a donkey. The donkeys have antlers. Okay. No other goats, no donkeys have antlers. It is some kind of creature that has antlers on it. Goats kind of have antlers, don't they? They got the... Nose of horns. Cremlin have horns. It is definitely antlers. So I would like to have it back. Okay.

Would you like to join us, or are you safe here? It is a stag. Oh, a stag. That's what I was drawing. Does it look like this? I'm gonna do like, as a hyper-realistic... A beautiful nature drawing. Yeah, a beautiful nature drawing of a stag head. That's something you find in the library. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the best of my ability, if I can. No, not really.

Um, the cheekbones are a little too high, and I would shorten at least a few of the antlers. You might have gotten a little too realistic. Uh, can I use, can I draw on this? I'll kill you. Okay. So then I'm gonna go back, and then I'm gonna go back into it, into the book, and I'm going to draw this. I will watch what you're drawing. You could have drawn it with a sword.

Oh boy. This is definitely the Andy school. You're doing really well. Yeah, that's what the dog is like!

Okay. Okay. Now we know. That sounds like a lead to Tormek. You certainly look very smiley and smirky. Confident. I was a lot more happy when they had my antlers on my head. That's so good. Okay. I propose that Clapper Glam join us. I have many questions about this place that you're from, Gehenna. Oh,

I don't have many answers about it, honestly. All I can remember is there were a couple of other kids there. None of us really know where our souls came from before they went to Gehenna, but we know that they were there because of somebody who wanted them to be there. The only things I remember before Gehenna were a huge moon, and that's about it.

Oh, okay. Huge moon. Huge moon. And then you found yourself in Gehenna. And you knew that you weren't going to be... Okay. That sounds suspicious. Never mind. Okay, I'm going to write moon...

please join my name is Morning Frost this is Twig I'm Gricko I gestured to Twig yeah but I'm here too Gricko just cause I'm shorter than you I didn't know you were standing back there what are you talking about I've been bringing your armpits this whole time are you hungry are you hungry Kuiper Claw yeah really oh I got a couple left over here's another one

She squirts it all over her face again. Damn it! I can never get that right! I don't know if you can eat when you're growing up. I mean, it's got big old crab claws. Well, no, and I don't need to eat because I'm literally just a soul trapped inside of this...

body that was given to me by a hag. So what's the deal with the crab claws anyway? It's just the things she had in her house that she puts together to create the body for me. Kind of like a mix and match sort of deal. Hey, why were you in downfall earlier?

I was sitting on the dock trying to figure out where my head was. Oh, well that's a good... And that's when the Bullywugs told me, "Oh, it's the Prince of Prismir who has your head." It was given to him by the hag that's here. Because the hag that made me isn't the hag that was here, but the hag that is here is the one that gave my head to the brigand Prince of Prismir, so I came here to try and get my head back.

Who's the hag what made you? Yes, this was going to be my question. Granny Nightshade is the one that made me. Nightshade. That's none of them that I know. That's not Scabitha, which is the one that's here. That's one of the other ones, right? Wait, is it not Nightshade's first name? Scabitha.

We need to get one of those cork boards so that we can lay... I mean, you've been saying Scabitha. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Are you thinking that Scabitha is the one that is here because she's not? No, she's not the one here. The one that's here is Blavona Blotstraw. Then there's Enderlin Moongrave. So that means the only one left is Scabitha Notshay. Oh, wait, Notshay. Oh, it's Scabitha something.

Is it nightshade? Let me check my notes.

Why is this head giving out your head? Is it some kind of powerful object? And wait, it's not even Scabitha that's here. It's a Bevlorna blade star that's here. That's what I'm saying. I'm asking who made you that? Who made your head and claws? I just told you. Granny Nightshade. Granny Nightshade. I'm just saying, what's your first name? Oh, I just wrote down Bevlorna. And that's all I got. Torbjorn also wrote down Bevlorna's card. Just a moment.

Frosty, you're very small with not memorizing abilities. Oh, I found this picture of a reindeer or something. Oh, that is cute. Oh yeah, that's kind of charming, isn't it? Yeah, it's pretty good. I like his little smile. Yeah, he's got a kind of little right angle smile going on. Hey guys, while Frost is thinking, Torbeck was also thinking, and Torbeck is revealing the rules.

that you all talk Torvank about Prismir? Yeah, these ones. Where

Where does unlawful murder fall under acquisition of things that aren't yours? To be fair, the more that we learn about this, uh, uh, Agdon guy, he was kind of a dick. So, um, I can answer that question for you. The moment someone is dead, their property ceases to belong to anyone. Unless there is an ex of kin who has claim to that property. And in this case,

There is no one here to claim it. So should you want to claim said scarf, said scarf now is belonging to Torbek. Well, Torbek doesn't want to, but... And you know what that means? I mean, Torbek kind of wants to. But do you know what that means? What? I have two skiffs. This skiff and this skiff formerly belonged to one twig.

Well then this- If anyone can test my claim to Skiff One and Skiff Two, speak now or forever hold your peace!

My skiffs! This scarf that is soaked in the blood of Torbek's enemies now belongs to Torbek. If anyone wants to claim it, speak now or forever hold your peace. Please don't speak. Torbek doesn't like confrontation.

I don't. Nobody said anything, so it's yours now. I think we're in the clear twig. Yep. I own a skip. I own a skip. One skip, two skip. I own a skip. You own a bloody scarf. It's gross. It looks cute on you because you're all so gross. Oh, that's not very gross. Left-handed couple, man. But Torbeck will take it.

Well, you know, okay. Twig, the next step of our journey, now that you have two skiffs, is to make sure, A, that these skiffs stay where they are, and B, we need to make sure that they are sturdy while we are investigating the big old stump. Okay. Well, Cleverclaw doesn't want to go up on the stump, then maybe they could watch the skiffs. You're coming with us?

I want to. All right. Because I'm on an adventure, you know? And what if there's something else that needs taking care of? And she winks with the eye that's behind the broken glass. You see three eyes wink at once. You know what, Twig? I'll find you very charming and hope you're not a horrible hag in disguise. I'm not. I can be sure of it. Okay. And she winks with her three eyes. Ah.

Torbeck's convinced. Yeah, me too, me too. Okay, Clapperclaw, would you mind taking a look after these two skiffs while we investigate the big ol' stump?

Sorry, what did you ask? My brain just malfunctioned. If Clabberclaw would be fine staying behind to look after the skiffs while we go investigate this document. That would probably be the best choice, because to be honest, I should not be going up there. I told someone I wasn't going to. All right, well then just stay right here. But you're promising that you're going to bring my head back for me? I certainly will. Well, if we can find it, you know. Well, I will think of something I can do for you, unless the...

So I just watch the skiffs, you bring my head back, and that's just it? Well, no, I mean, if we bring the head back, the skiff thing is really for Twig. There is a favor we might ask of you, though, if you're looking for ideas. What is your favor that you would like? Well, if we bring your head back, you could take us to Downfall.

The big thing also that we need is to be taken after we deal with downfall to go to Thither. We need passage. We need passage to the other realm. You want me to go back to Thither? Well, that's...

That's a lot to ask of someone that has escaped from there. Could you just take us just to the edge? And you don't even got to go in there, just help us get to there. And then you're going to go, and then we just shoot out and you stay behind. You know, I don't know how to describe that in an ungross way. I'm sorry. In exchange for my head? Yeah. Yeah, you know, I think that's fair trade in exchange. All right. Okay, so we got our plans of attack. What was the confusion about the hags?

Granny Nightshade, what is her first name? We don't have a first name for Granny Nightshade. Oh, shit, what's the other tag then? We've got Bavlorna Blightstraw, Scabatha Nightshade, Endelin Moongrave. Are you kidding me?

You just said scam with the nightshade, man. And then we've got Granny Nightshade. Yeah. No relation. No relation. Hey, everybody. Am I insane? What are the chances there are two hags with the last name Nightshade?

It's actually, listen, over here, it's actually pretty lacking, man. I'm actually shocked it's not a granny nightshade. I don't have anything more written down other than that. I don't know what you guys are looking for. All right, we can move on. Are you looking for me really good? Okay, thank God.

It's like fucking... You were tiny tunes. Buster Bunny and Babs Bunny, no relation. Nightshade is the smith of hag reunions. Actually, it's quite a very common name thing. The hag reunions are massive. I'm seventh on Nightshade, but we're... Her name is mine, too. All right.

Yes, it was Scamatha. Let's move on. Scamatha! Scamatha. Don't worry, we'll also kill Scamatha for you. That's for your choice. I'm sure she also has a grandmother. Are we climbing the stump now? Is that the next plan? I mean, there are a bunch of rope ladders hanging down from it, so it looks like it'll be pretty easy.

Okay. Um, hey guys.

Torbeck was hoping while we climbed the stump, you could explain a few things to Torbeck. Remember at the end of the carnival when they came to get Torbeck and everyone acted confused and you guys said, goodbye, Torbeck, we have a grand adventure that you can't go on. And they took Torbeck away and then the rest is very dark and horrifying. No, I don't remember that.

What is the grand adventure? Why are you here? I know that we're looking for a key for a dragon and that's about it. Oh, that's a good point. We never filled you in on the whole thing. Where do the hags come into play? We got a lot of rope to climb. Snake in our arms.

While we Adam West and Burt Ward are way up there. Now would be a great time for us to have a non-RP check-in, because I could use it for a completely honest. Well, why don't we do it in Kirky? We can, though!

All right. Well, it all started when we found a small pixie with her wings pulled off. Yeah. Yeah. There's also a lady that got merged with her horse. Yes. Oh, no, no, no. Let's start from the beginning. All right. Yeah.

We're in horrible debt. We used to run a carnival. Oh, I was there for that. I keep forgetting about that. Anyway, after we willingly disbanded, we were laying low in Agua, my hometown, so to speak. And I got a letter from my old associate that he was collecting royalties on all the money I've made for like a decade.

Or two, maybe. Anyway, horrible debt to a man you don't want to be in debt to. And then we found an old warlock named... What was his name? Rosloff? Mr. Rosloff! Magic Rosloff. Yeah, Mr. Rosloff! Hurry up, Griggo! Okay. Well, you guys climb very quickly. I'm not used to climbing outside of spirit form. He made a mean pun.

Is this helping you get the story together, Derek? Or do you want to do an actual out of character? No, no, no, this is actually probably gonna help. I'm gonna follow along in my notes. I just want to make sure. Step one is debt. So then that's exactly right. And by the transitive property, all of us are in debt as well. That's right. They had some life debt to meet for some reason. Clemmie murdered Pierre. Anyway, through the swamp,

Oh, no. So Rosloff, right? His patron is this archfiend named Zabilna. Zabilna! You may have heard of Zabilna. She once ruled all of Prismir. She did. So Prismir, where we are right now, it was her domain, right? And all

you know, he lost contact with her and, you know, she was basically responsible for everything that he had achieved in life. He was actually in the portrait at the end. I don't know if you recall that, but there was a beautiful archfey. That was the Bill Nunn. And you saw Twig and you saw Rosloff and maybe, and we saw the old Kettlesteam, you know, they were all in that portrait. Anyway, he was in that Kettlesteam.

Oh, anyway. That's besides the point. Alright, anyway. Just keep going. So, he's getting up there in years, right? And, you know, he's feeling like he's gonna pass on soon. And the last wish that he has while he maintains his mortal coil is he wants to speak to Zabillna and reach out and feel her presence again.

And so he offered a quest to us where if we could freeze Zabilna from whatever kind of trap she was in or predicament she was in so that she could reconnect with old Razlov, then he would leave us his entire...

A sizable fortune. To fix the debt! To pay back the debt, and I'm sure we would have plenty more on top that we could all split. With myself getting a larger portion, of course, being the leader of this operation. I don't think we agree on that. Well, don't forget Hootsie's portion, too. Oh, Hootsie, you're doing a great job. Remember, just right, left, right, left. You're doing great. So anyway, we go through the swamp.

Right before we get to the carnival, we see it up ahead, but then we come across this pixie that had her wings cut off her body. And she was bleeding out terrible, and Gricko tried to heal her, but it wasn't closing the wounds. She didn't make it. It was almost like whatever cut the wings was cut with some sort of magical something that wouldn't let it close up. Anyway, she died, and then we went to the carnival. We bought tickets, and no, I guess we didn't buy tickets. We made a pact for some tickets. I purchased a ticket.

I don't know. Anyway, I couldn't lie. Torbjorn was there for that. Yeah, we ran into you. Remember guys night?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know about that. No, fellas, it was ironic. I mean, obviously it was ironic. It goes without saying. It was ironic. It was ironic. Oh, but you missed us. We all stayed in drag even after Christ Night was over. Even though it was ironic and we did a great show. It was still ironic, Rick. You understand? It was ironic. We got frosty in drag after Christ Night 2.

Long story short, while we were there, we learned that this Covenant Hags had taken over Prismir, and for us to help Zibilna, we gotta, I guess, take care of the hags.

And, uh, that's where we're at. And we know that this fella here, Clabberclaw, well, I mean, you were there for that, but he can get us to the next zone. Oh, he's way down there now. Oh, where does the fairy dragon come into play? Oh, he, I don't know. He's, he's just, he was just there. The fairy dragon was on, here on a quest, a mission from, uh, uh,

the Summer Queen, she was investigating Prismia after losing contact with Zibilna and apparently this were on the verge of some terrible war of some kind. I'm sure we won't get mixed up in it. But anyway,

He basically wrote all of Prismir off and said, it's gone. Ain't nothing of worth here besides a couple of gross eggs, you know? But anyway, we want to save him and help him. And he saved Uzi. Because we're doing a favor for the queen of all the fae, and maybe we can turn that favor in in the future for our benefit. Help Jingle Jangle get the key, save the dragon, favor with the fae, kill the hags, save Zabillna, pay off the debt. Torbeck's caught up.

We also promised the centaur on Cloppington. And we'll keep it around as long as our quest log doesn't fail. If they do, I'm abandoning them. If you see an individual who looks stricken by grief, who probably was sucked into a mirror by a big lady, then make sure you save him, too.

Okay. I feel like we're missing something. Well, it'll come up if it's important. Oh, I mean, I guess you got sucked to hell and experimented on for years, apparently. We don't have to talk about that. Oh, and I mean, you were also there for this mysterious strange man in taut pants and the barn owl.

Oh, yeah. We really don't have to talk about that. Yeah, and then there was that strange fellow with the big, the mustachioed fellow who was a servant of the top pants man. With a big beard, right? With a big beard. A kind of dwarf-looking fellow. Oh, yeah, he was kind of dwarf-like of some variety. He was dwarf-esque. Yeah, dwarf-escue.

Who they might say. And it's around this time that you make your way to the very top of the stump and you begin to-- Down on a tree slope! You begin to pull yourself over. The fog is thick here and I need you all to roll on the naughty list. Oh no! Is that a d100? No, it's a d20. Oh.

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We didn't plan. We didn't plan one cut for everyone. Gricko got a five. Gricko got a five. Ross? I got a six. Oh, shit. Torbec. I got a six. Oh, we have two fives. Yeah, Gricko too. Um, Torbec, re-roll yours. Okay. I'm gonna leave this one for mine. Torbec got a two. Sweet.

Everyone around you looks like candy and you have a sweet tooth. - The moment this happens, I just turn and I start licking Rick off. - Well, you're actually climbing directly behind him. - I'm climbing faster than you. - I'll be climbing and I'll say, "Oh, giddy good." - No, you won't because-- - Have you been doing squats? - No, you won't because you can only speak in song.

Gideon, have you been doing squats? I feel a tingle in my toes. Crotch. Gideon. Yes? You hear the dulcet tones of Gricko's melody as your entire mouth goes numb and you cannot stop drooling.

Gideon, stop. I'm right behind you. Feeling alright, Gideon? This is just unfair. He's having a stroke. Can someone roll a d100 for me, please? Look at that big boy!

Two. Amazing. Wow. What the fuck? What is that? For someone to ask me to do that. Two is the best fucking, it's so fucking bad. I actually thought it was going to land on one. It was like really angry. Two can be as bad as one. It's the loneliest number. It's number one. Cremmy. Oh no.

You are overcome by psychedelic hallucinations. Oh, fuck. Frost. You believe you're turning into a wereperson. You are not. The moon hangs high in the sky as the fog clears on this stump. You've all crested the top of it. As you watch, as you look out and you see that this is clearly a camp.

A place, you can see areas where the cooking was done for a large group of people. You see tents set up, beddings,

Places to work out target dummies for archery practice and melee combat. In the very center, sitting atop a pile of thousands of trinkets, stolen items from all over Hither.

you see a makeshift throne, a throne for the brigand prince of Prismir. And as you cross the top of this stump, all of you feel that strange fey magics infiltrate your body. And you see the fog move away from the moon as it illuminates, almost like a spotlight down on top of all of you. As Twig steps forward,

I don't feel so good, Mr. Crummy. And she spins around and falls to the ground dead. Oh no. And just as quickly as she lands, you begin to see her body change. Oh my God, what am I looking at? And she gets longer and she begins to sprout feathers. Her feet-

Her feet become more spindly and you see talons begin to form as her feet spread out into three bird claws. Her arms slowly flap and where her arms had been, there are now wings. As a very small owl sits there in front of you, as her head turns 360 degrees,

I'm getting really dizzy. Guys, I think it took a little too much of something. It looks like a fucking owl. Is there somebody else in there? What happened to me, Hoot? Are you having a stroke? I don't know. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

While you're all screaming, I will just pick up Gricko and flip you over and begin lightly gnawing on your leg. I look over the edge, and it feels like we're just rocketing away from the ground. Oh, God, guys, I'm getting vertigo. Oh, fuck, I don't do well with hands. Oh, my God! Oh!

Gideon? Yeah? Do those chains come off? I didn't realize what day of the year or the month it was. You'll need to bind me. Bind me quick. What? Toby!

Backstab! Hoot! Twig! I don't know what's happening to you, but you have to run! Make it with saving throw! Twig tries to run, but she's not used to her new Aarakocra legs, and she face plants. I can't run! Frost! I can't run! Hoot!

Quickly, Gideon. I'll tell you where. Gideon and Tammy. I'm your friend. Now you're on our side. Why are you doing this, bitch? We don't have much time. Batman and I. Batman and I. Batman and I. Please don't make stuff. Licking my feet. Don't make stuff.

Steam Engine kicks in as the chains word of life and they wrap around Frosty, assuming that you don't make a strength saving throw. I would want to be restrained as quickly as possible thinking that I've endangered all of my friends with my transformation. Steam fires out from the manacles. Oh, you're wrapping it up. Yeah!

Good work, Andian. Yes. Torbek, there's a reason I understand your transformation. And it's because...

I am a werecat. The moment you deliver this line, you realize that Torbett has your tail and is lightly chewing on the air. Frost tastes like candy, Frost. Oh, my God. Oh, he's transforming. You can get your house in two. He's a werecat, and I can't run. Hoot, I don't know what to do. Hoot, oh.

And you see Twigs just flopping around as a tiny pygmy owl on the ground. Oh my gosh. He looks like a titty roe. I want to come down. I want to come down. I want to come down. Twig, please just run on hootie. Run on hootie. Please run on hootie. Oh.

Oh, okay, okay. I don't do that, but I just ask you to kindly please give. Please just put your hands out. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I just feel guilt for what I've done to you. Look at you. You're a fucking beast. What? What have I done? I don't know what's going on. Oh, man.

I'm really flattered, I didn't know you got to pay attention, but... It's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown, it's the frown.

It's the Frone! I walk up to it and I look for the sack. Roll an investigation check. What sack are you looking for? The filthy sack that stole our souls or whatever, the hag sack. Sure, twisting it wouldn't be a problem. I'll twist it! Does my curse only apply to people?

No, I would say it applies to everything. You feel like you're on top of Candy Mountain. I would like to twist. Candy Mountain, Torbek. I would like to twist, and I would also like to withdraw two dreads to purge the singing. Okay. So I'm still, I guess, taking on a dread, but I still don't do a terrible. That's clever. Thank you. I like that. While you're investigating, I stop chewing on Frost's tail, and I walk over to Gideon, and I look at your bicep, and I say, ooh, candy apples!

- You begin to draw blood, but to you, it looks like a delicious strawberry compote. This is clearly a candy filled candy apple. - Oh, Tormek's lucky day!

Oh my god. Toll bags and monster too. Get him, sorry. You might have to kill everybody. You might have to kill everybody. No! Why are you biting me? It's licking my blood.

You look through all of the trinkets and the sack that you're looking for, you're unable to find. No, no. You do, however, find a couple of other things. Toback, Toback, Toback, Toback, Toback, stop licking people. Can I have you roll three times on the D100 table? What was that? Three times D100. Ooh. Graco, stop going to Toback's bag of candy.

- That's cocked. - Three times, we gotta do this. - And yes, you've purged the singing. - 39. - As you were looking through this, you feel your voice catching your throat and for some unexplainable reason, the singing stops. - And for my new twist curse, I got a six. - I believe that the, oh. - 76. - 76. - You believe you are turning into a wereperson, you are not.

I'm like digging around. Guys, I didn't find the f-sack. But just in this moment, I realize Frost's right, it is the full moon. And we are an eternal war of the were-cats and the were-rats. And we're rats. We're rats. We're the rats. Oh no! Oh no!

It must have happened when I bit him at some point. He's a were-rat! I get on all fours. I just start bearing around, potentially gathering. Three trinkets fly towards you, Gideon. What numbers did you get? 39, 17, and 76. 39. You find a vial of viscous liquid labeled Fomorian Spit. Do not drink. Oh!

- Oh, symbol zero! - No, the spits are in quotes. - I just blow a thing and I bleed from my mouth. - We'll address that in a second. What were the other numbers? - 17. - 17. You also get a sheet of music that goblins find upsetting when they hear it played or sung.

- The sheet of music that Goblin played. - And what was it, 76?

A collection of baby teeth in a tiny wooden box. Jesus. I am just like, I must form a defensive burrow. You're all in terrible danger. And I'm going to be digging into, I'm going to try to dig a burrow through the, all of the trinkets and scattering a bunch all over the place. Don't let him get away. He'll spread the curse. This is a lesson, isn't it? We're all monsters on the inside.

We're not that different from Torbek. Well, monsters on the outside, man. We're just normally monsters. No, I mean, you're literally a horrible green monster. It's coming out of your neck, and he's a horrible werecat, and he's a horrible wererat, and he's Torbek! It's only a matter of time. Torbek. You hear Kremi yelling. Frost and Gricko are maddened with their...

imaginary transformation into were-people. Gideon's spit is flying everywhere as you're staring at this veritable smorgasbord of candy in front of you. As you begin to crunch down on the glass and you begin to drink down this spit, which in this moment tastes very sweet and thick and syrupy to you. And then things begin to change.

as clarity, a clarity that you have never experienced before in your life overtakes you. Almost as if you are given the gift of a true sight and you can see things as they are. You see a strange purple haze clouded around the heads of everyone atop this hill, Twig,

Frost, Kremi, Gideon. You even see the faint outlines of it around yourself as well. But more than anything, it is the presence that you feel inside of your mind. An entity. Someone wholly different than yourself. The voice that you fear is not just a voice. And it is there, knocking at the door.

You are watching out from inside of your own body. And though you can hear this entity, this other side to yourself, this other person inside of your body, you can't seem to interact with them. And you hear another voice all together. We are coming for you, Toolback. We will have you.

We know where you are, and you will not separate yourself from him. Not anytime soon. Thirteen, Torbeck. Keep that number at the forefront of your mind. It will be important. Until we meet again. And we will meet again. And just as quickly as you hear the voice, you almost like in slow motion, you begin to see everything returning to Candy.

The faint knocking at the door, the metaphorical knocking at the door of this other entity inside your body completely ebbs away and his voice calling out to you to let him out, to let him overtake you is completely wiped away as your mind is no longer as clear as it had been. The purple hazes surrounding all of your friends fades and all you see is a candy gummy gator

a Gideon Pez dispenser, his head flopping around this way or that with candy shooting out of his neck. - Candy.

And I put a rock in my mouth. All right, I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. And I look over the edge and I still see a lightning. I throw myself on my hands and knees. I peek over the ledge again and I just puke. We have enjoyed a short rest in meeting Clapper Claw.

Yeah. And all of that. So as that happens, as I'm burrowing in, I will say, I'm the giant rat who makes all of the rules. And I'm going to turn into a large spectral version of a rat ogre, which is like a big rat monstrosity. It's almost ape-like.

And I was going to take the stats of a stench cow. So that is going to be very stinky in that pile. Another thing to add to that, you have one use of Dimension Door. Me? Yes. That's pretty fucking good. That's a fourth level spell, folks! If you're keeping track of hope, that's pretty intense. I feel like I have, like,

- A time limit? - Until it's used. - Oh, okay.

- Candy! - Gonna use it to get more candy. - Yeah. - So as I'm digging, thinking that I'm this big rat king, were-rat king monstrosity, I'm gonna be trying to basically build out a burrow in this pile of stuff and try to find things that I guess like as a little rodent, like a creature would try to basically gather and things that I would find valuable.

I would say roll another investigation check. Okay. I'm going to try to get a good one this time. I'm going to twist it. I'm going to twist it. Okay, 17. All right. Okay. 17. I will say you...

You don't find any additional trinkets, but you are able to, going through this, just with the entity that you have turned into, you have an unnatural ability to quickly scan trinkets and find anything you're looking for, for the sake of brevity. And you are able to see that there does not appear to be any stag skulls atop this mound.

You are, however, able to find a bag of truffles. Stitched into the side of the canvas bag is an embroidered name, Jingle Jangle, with a key hanging around the J.

It was clearly done by hand and with love. It is old and well used. It appears to be something that Jingle Jangle has made many, many moons ago and keeps with her all the time to gather up her truffles. The inside of it is actually is veritably filled with the truffles that she'd been harvesting on the day similar to Bud

very distinct from Wednesday. And it seems like none of them had been eaten. It had been stolen and then just thrown atop this pile. But you do see stains from Truffles Past, as well as sewn into the linings all around this canvas bag are keys of varying colors, shapes, weights, sizes. I'll be digging through and I'll be like, trash, trash, trash, trash! Oh!

- Fuck, I'm glad Acton is dead. Trash, trash, trash. - And you also find a ledger, which seems to be a well-kept ledger of everything that was ever stolen and from who it was stolen from and its current location. - Trash!

Do I... Oh, a ledger with detailed records. This could be useful for Biggie Cheese.

- And that's what you find, what does everybody else find? - I'm in my burrow now. - I'd like to try and look around for any signs of the other herring gone. If I can, I like see, just look around, like obviously there were like 50, but presumably up like on this precipice where we're at. - I mean, it's very clear that there was a,

a civilization of Harren gone up here that many families and groups of them lived up here. And you're doing this with a frost strap to you like a baby Bjorn? - Oh yeah. No, it's just getting dragged behind me. Probably on the ground.

- I would like you to roll a survival check at disadvantage because you are dragging Frost who is ruining any tracks or other things that you might be able to save. - That is fast. - What are you doing, Frost? You're being dragged by a kid. - I'm totally restrained. - You can still speak.

Yeah, no, I've gone, like, feral dormant. And I'm just looking around with crazy eyes, looking at the moon, looking up at the back of Gideon as I'm being dragged, hoping that I don't kill my friends and feeling the rage and adrenaline hunger they're in. I just...

I'm not sure why I still look like Frost, but I'm still ready for the transformation and grateful. And you know that it should be coming. Yeah. Any second now. In just a moment. Just a moment. And then that moment passed. The next moment. Oh, yeah. And then that moment passes. I'm just at the top of the roller coaster for eternity. Stuck in paralysis. But because I'm restrained, I'm like...

As soon as I finish out my burrow, given the pisser I had with Frost... Let's finish this first, and then we'll get back to that. Oh, it was a 15, and then it was a three. No. You look around, and you...

You are able to see that there are clear footsteps and you imagine that you, you have the track that they took, the path they took. It's very clear. They were up here and they left and you begin to follow those tracks. And it takes you about 10 minutes before you realize you've been following your own tracks.

in a circle around the entirety of this thing over and over again. And that any tracks that would have been left at this point have now been wiped away or overstepped by your own. As you eventually make your way over to Cremie, what are you doing?

I'm still on my hands and knees. I wipe my hands off. I'm gonna try to position myself, like, pointing away from the edge. And I'm just gonna close my eyes and kind of shakily crawl on my hands and knees until I feel like I'm, like, at least 20 feet away. Oh.

And I'm gonna take my hat off and put it over my snout and try to cover my eyes and just like wait for it to be over. Just try to wait out the bad trip. Kermie. Okay, you do that. Torbek. I would find a good size rock.

And it's very clearly just a giant jawbreaker. And I go walk over to my candy throne and I sit on it and begin to lick the jawbreaker and enjoy my new station's royalty. - The proportions are from "Ed, Edd n Eddy." So you can visualize that. - You are doing that as Twig is making her way over towards you, Gricko. She has gotten back up onto her feet.

And she is slowly getting used to being a pygmy owl. As she creeps along, she occasionally flaps her wings and flies up maybe like a foot off of the ground before she gets scared that she's up because she's afraid of heights. She's, and then, who?

And then she crashes back into the ground. But she does this a few times until she finally gets over to you. It's almost like one of those, what are those games where the things are flying at you and you're trying to dodge out of the way? What are those called? Oh, you mean like Temple Run? Yeah, those kinds of things. I think it's Beat Saber.

for some reason. - Yeah, it's similar to that, but like, you're just tossing trinket after trinket, and so she's dodging out of the way and turning into a game as she sings a little song to herself and makes her way towards you. Noticing the ledger, she pulls that aside.

And she is resting on top of it, kicking her little owl feet as she slowly reached through the ledger. As Twig is freaking out, I'm imagining that Hootsie would kind of like seeing that she's turned into an owl. She would like Hootsie would nudge Twig and just like Gricko had taught her, like left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. Like she would basically walk forward, even though she has like a little she's using some of her owl farts. He was trying to be teaching her how to walk like an owl.

Yeah, absolutely. And that is how she ended up getting to the point that she was able to start making her way on her own. And all the while Hootsie is watching Mama Owl bearing her as Twig eventually pulls the ledger over towards Hootsie and she opens it towards the middle of it, flops her tiny pygmy owl body on top of it and begins to start reading things.

through. That would have been after she just looks at everyone freaking out and she'll just roll her eyes. And she'll go to Twig. As long as Twig has it, I was going to basically also just try to find a way to get it away from Gricko and in the hands to advancing the plot. Okay, good. I'm glad. Hootsie is the only reliable narrator. laughter

It is around this time as you are tossing trinket after trinket, Torbek, some of your teeth are now half missing as you've been gnawing on and licking at this jawbreaker. The rock has been grinding down a few of your teeth unevenly. This is not what we're supposed to be listening to. Torbek is unsurprised.

So only like one of your front two teeth has gnawed down, a couple in the back. It's very haphazard. Kremi, you are rocking and shaking on the side of this stump. Gideon, you're dragging Frost around. And all of this is happening as a warm breeze flows

rushes by and as it does the sound of song is mixed in with it. You only hear as the breeze rushes by your ears. It is clearly a soprano voice as it sings a soft lullaby and for a moment you feel dizzy and warm almost as if you've just woken up from a very long nap abruptly.

And as your eyes refocused, Torbek, he realized that you were gnawing on a rock. - Oh, not again. - Frost, that moment of transformation was never going to come. You are not a werecat. You've never been a werecat. Why does this keep happening to you? And all of you begin to feel yourselves coming back into your person as something on the wind washes away

the, the Fae magics that have overcome you. It's like a melodic soprano, soprano voice. Yeah. Can it be something like, Oh, when you're down and you're looking for some sheen up, then just head right up to the candy mountain cave. You know, it was in, it was in, it was in Sylvan. Yeah. So you don't know what it said, but you imagine it was probably something similar to that.

That was the melody, for sure. As I'm digging, I'll be like, "She call me Mr. Boom-Bastic, save me, fantastic and what the fuck?" And then all of the trinkets in the horribly fortified burrow that I've made collapse on top of me. Am I actually looking at the moon, or was that an illusion? That was an illusion of the moon.

Gideon. Your cute chat shirt is covered in spit. Oh, man.

Well, that's gross. Can you release me from these chains? Oh, yeah, man. Are you doing okay now? I never was. If I ever tell you that I'm a werecat moving forward, please don't believe me. You're the most believable guy I know. I mean, if you say, hey, I'm a werecat, look out, bind me up just like that other time. I got to wrap me in chains. Next time, no matter what I say.

I'm not a werecat. I cannot wait for the next one. That's gonna bite his ass. All right, man, if you're sure. I won't harm you. I'll just continue to think I'm a werecat. I will say everything that I could in order to convince you of the fact, but there's no danger. Ha!

All right. Well, that sounds good to me. I turn around, I whip his chains, and they'll ripple out and kind of bounce him off to straighten him on his feet and then fall to the wayside, so you're now free. That was the haggiest laugh you've ever actually done. You've done them trying on purpose. I'm so terrified.

It's gonna be like the bee situation. Frosty's gonna be running at me as a werecat. And I'm gonna be like, oh, well, he said he wouldn't do anything to me. Do you need help? No, the rest of this campaign is Nicky figuring out how to actually get me to become a werecat. That's why Nicky in real life is Maggie's Baba Yaga. Mmm.

As things begin to settle atop the stump, you see the trinkets just piled around all over the place. Torbek, though you don't regain the clarity that you had in that moment of drinking the Fomorian spit, that moment where you felt like you could see through the veil of glamour,

That infuses everything in this place. You remember it. You remember the purple haze that was swirling around the forms of yourself and your friends. You remember the voice that spoke to you. And I need you to roll a d20 for me, please. Okay. Just straight. 17. Now that the magics that were warping your mind have ebbed,

You recognize this voice. It's not just the voice you heard in your dreams the night prior. It is also a voice that you had heard strapped to a table, that you don't remember the words that were being said to you. You remember faint bits and pieces of people, beings milling about you, poking and prodding you, treating you like an animal.

And the way that they began to cower and stumble over their words as this entity walked into the room. This voice captured all of their attention. As this voice ordered them about, and they did not wait more than a moment to respond. The way the tension in the room unfolded.

rose upon his entrance into it. And though you could not see his face, though it was obscured by the contraptions that you were attached to and the bed that you were strapped down to, all you could see was the dark ceiling, which was nothing more than the ceiling of a cave. Some sort of subterranean room that you were locked in. But that voice...

You remember it now. It was there not just once, but multiple times. How many times, you're unsure. But you know with certainty that you have heard that voice before.

Um, guys? Yes? Torbjörn had what alcoholics might refer to as a moment of clarity. I've been there. Uh, hello there, Robert! Uh,

In the absolute chaos, Tormek ate what he thought was simple syrup and is pretty sure now was just spit. And glass. But either way, Tormek's heard that voice before. The voice from the dream.

You talking about that, uh, that dream we had with the doctor? Yeah, but the menacing voice, the scary voice that everyone seemed to cower from. Tight pants!

Oh, in the throne room, on the fucking throne! Yes! That person has visited Torbek numerous times! What did he say to you? In what context and circumstance? Well, when Torbek was strapped to the table, Torbek can't really remember, but during the moment, he said, "We're coming for you!" Fuck!

And something about the number 13. Oh, that has a three in it. So you're telling me you probably followed. Oh, God. Well, that's what Torbjorn was worried about back at the end.

I like to slightly approach the edge a little bit and I look down to see if I can see anybody. I actually want to look down and see if I still see old crab hands down there. Like just hanging out by those skiffs. You look down and it is very foggy. There is almost a layer of fog that swirls around this stump. But as the winds move it, you are able to peek down to bits and pieces of the docks below. And you eventually see where you had left Clapper Claw.

and they're clearly sitting there dangling their feet over the edge as they throw rocks into the water. Occasionally you can hear their voice drift up on the wind. They're singing and humming and telling stories, talking to themselves, just normal kid shit. Torbek wants to help all of you, but Torbek is worried he's put you in danger. Who else is going to throw a wrench in the whole operation? Gronk!

I will scamper out, like my lower half is in the pile of trinkets and I'll finally scramble out. And I will look at Kremi and I'll say, I mean, if the big...

bad guy underground he's the one what experimented on Torbeck or commissioned it or was part of it then we just gotta fuck him up like we're gonna do with the hags just adding one more person to our list yeah man I mean the only reason he would want him back is if he knows what they did to him made him powerful enough to be an issue so this guy shows up

We'll do the same thing we do to everybody else. That guy didn't look like some kind of just hag. I mean, this dude was sitting on a throne on the ground. I mean, who knows if he's some sort of equivalent to the fae queen that we're talking about. Like, we have no idea. Torbjorn's sitting on a throne right now, man. Yeah, you know... A throne is only as good as the people that you rule. I mean, you know, a monarch is really only as powerful as their people.

And Derek. Are you saying Torbjörn is still worthless? No. Here's a horrifying thought. If they were able to make two years happen in the span of a night, well I guess who knows how long. Years, he said, right? So at least two years. I would say just looking at Torbjörn, he looks to be at least five years older than the last time you left him. A good amount of years.

They have access to whatever the fuck all that is? You think they're not doing it to other fucking bugbears or whatever else? That's a good point, Krimmy. I mean, what if they get a bigger Torbeck to send after us? We may have to deal with that. Okay. And... I might just have a grim imagination, but how many times, Torbeck, do you fall off the Harris wheel and survive almost miraculously? Ugh!

Torbac can't count that high. What if Torbac has like some crazy resilience and other people would die under such circumstances to put all that stuff in him? And Torbac survived it when others don't. That's a fair point. I mean, they'd have strapped that huge contraption to him. I wouldn't just slot on anybody. You know, it would be awfully fucking coincidental that you show up the same now we do.

Or the same carnival we- Otherwise, why would they follow him if they got like legions of bugbears or whatever? Like, why does Torbek matter? Man, that's a good point. I also want to know how much Mr. Lane and Mr. Witch knew about the people who took you, Torbek. They probably knew everything! I hate those guys! Why do we even- we shouldn't have even given them back the thing! It's possible that you were just the first, or that Graco's theory is correct.

But this is something of a wrench in our plans. You made it sound so simple earlier. Do this, do this, do this. Get out and get the money that will eventually allow us to pay for our debt. But what are these...

These three hags know of the voice that you heard or of your abilities or of any of this additional information. Are they going to be looking for you too or are they going to know anything at all? We're in a very unknown place and that makes me very nervous. Torbeck is extra concerned that they might be in Torbeck's brain.

What if the things Torbeck knows or learns ends up in the wrong place? Look, here's the thing, Torbeck. If somebody comes... Calm down, look. I don't mean to freak you out, all right? Oh, God. Here, Hootsie, Hootsie. Uncle Torbeck needs a little bit... Uncle Torbeck needs a snuggle session. Squishy snuggle session. Oh, there we go. And Hootsie...

And Hootie's gonna basically act as an emotional support dog or stuffed animal and basically kind of turn into a squishy plush toy or chunky dog, but as an owlbear. Torbeck will be very gentle. Yeah, yeah. And she'll be genuinely happy and snuggly and, you know, nestle in there. Torbeck, I have a few additional words of comfort for you. First of all, I was frustrated after you were able to

attack us, not as yourselves, but when you showed up again in the cabin and you were your other self, you were very powerful, but I was disappointed that I was not better prepared, that I was not able to contribute more to that situation, for I am quite learned about the mind. When we have a chance to rest, now is not the time, but when we have a chance to sit down and chat, Torbek, I may be able to

tidy a little bit to shuffle through and perhaps perceive something that you cannot. Okay, Frost. I'm willing to work with you on this. There's much we can learn together. And, you know, I have... You know, maybe it's a little foolish of the accused of being a fool to...

Once or twice or thrice or four-ice or five-ice. A day. A day. Many times. Oh! But...

But... Okay, I'm trying to stay not distracted. Oh, Koozie, you're doing so nice. Oh, by the way, I found the truffles of old Jingle Jangle. Oh, but we're on the right path.

I bet that, you know, it doesn't matter if nobody knows nothing about this barn owl fella or his dwarf men and then anything else that's going around here. But you know who I bet does is Zibuna.

And so, Zibilna, who's the wise and benevolent and all-knowing queen of this place, she seems to be the only one who knows what's going on around here. Even the... Sir Talivar? Was that his name? Yeah, yeah. Sir Talivar said, "Oh, uh, Zibilna, there's a whole Fey Realm here, and Zibilna's not available? Let's ride off this whole area."

So she's a big deal. And so why don't we... It's probably just going to be her problem. We'll just tell her, hey, you handle it. We'll go home. It'll be fine. I was worried about this being a problem well before we even started. That's all.

- This is so unfortunate. - To see his twig is now herself, still roughly the same size as a pygmy owl, but she is nestled in the pages of this book, her broken glasses askew on her face as she's reading through this ledger. - What was that? - Cloverclaw's head is in here. - Is that a ledger? - Yes, that was gonna-- - Yep. - Oh, can I, may I see this? - Nope.

Oh. Does it say where it is? Yep. Does it happen to mention the old F-Sack? Nope. Filthy sack? Nope. Bag of dreams? Oh, soul bag. Oh, sack of dreams. Memory container? Memory pouch? Can you just read it to us in order and if it has any sort of value corresponding, debits, credits, these kinds of ledger fodder things? Nope.

Um, sure. It's interesting because this only goes back so far as the very day that Sibylna disappeared. There's not a single page in here from before. Do you know what that means? That they were enabled by the lack of a powerful ruler in the land? It just started on the day that Sibylna disappeared!

That makes sense. Yeah. That doesn't seem relevant. When the government collapses, they start robbing people and looting. So... That's interesting. Why?

Oh, I don't know. I just found it interesting. Do you find it interesting because you had an expectation that it was some time after the bill in the cell that this all started or that it was so... Well, I was thinking to myself, you know, the rules here specifically say... Is it specifically or a-spe-fic-ly? It's specifically. A-spe-fic-ly. That's what I thought.

thought it specifically says in here that um you're not in here it's it specifically says in the rules of this place that's what he said specifically and it says in this place that you can't steal what belongs to other people yes and he was stealing yes

Yeah, breaking the law. Oh, and there's no Sibylna to enforce the law. And Sibylna made those rules for the here, you know? Yes. For hither, thither, and yon, which were not called that at the time. Well, it could still be intact, though. What? Well, it could be intact, right? Like, maybe it got horribly fake cursed, but where the culmination of that horrible curse, you know, because it did.

So like maybe just had a little bit of lag time and we were the instrument of the fey magic. Of his just deserts. Yeah, we just kind of doled it out, a little dollop of dole. Kind of like the threads of fate working in mysterious ways. I don't know what you're saying right now, but what I will say is what I know what I'm saying. And what I'm saying is this.

I think Sibylna kept him from stealing. And in the moment Sibylna was gone, he could steal all of a sudden. So we could break these rules. These three rules to rule by. None of them apply anymore. I don't know.

Not that we should. I actually like Gideon's theory that all that has happened to Zabilna is that she's been slowed. Her influence is still perhaps pervasive in this area. If you were to steal, and I'm tempted to look at all of these trinkets and look at that legend. Remember, it's not stealing if he's dead and all of his next of kin don't come to claim anything. Hey, rabbits.

Yeah, where did they all go? I don't know, man. I thought I picked up the trail before, but it turns out I was just following Frosty getting dragged on the ground. Let's see if there's any burrows in this stump to see if there's some sort of subterranean stumpy in the city. All right, go ahead.

It's very clear to see there isn't. Oh, it's literally just a stunk. Yeah, Frost. You are a very intelligent brownie. Thank you. I hear the logic of your words, and I propose that we all find ourselves a handful of trinkets that have no owners. They may come in handy. That's actually not a bad idea, because I've given you a lot of stuff for free.

Most people won't do that here, so you might want to have some monies. Well, why don't you take your share? Take your share and get paid back. Because you're not giving it to me. Well, Torbjorn's kind of giving it to you because it's kind of all his stuff. Oh, that's true, Torbjorn.

Never mind, I can't ask. That's rude. Torbeck has had an idea. What's your idea, Torbeck? Torbeck would like to gift all of Torbeck's friends from amongst his newly acquired treasures.

Oh, that's great. I hope all four of you guys and Hootsie enjoy your new gifts. Twig, you are Torbeck's best friend, too. Ding!

Torbeck does! Wow! No one's ever called Dweck their best friend before except for Pig Junior. But I made Pig Junior, so she has to say that. No one's ever said that Torbeck was Torbeck's best friend until Clementine, and Torbeck made Clementine say that. You're my best friend, Torbeck! Why? But you're Torbeck's best friend! I'm right on your shoulder!

All of Torbeck's friends may choose five trinkets. Oh my gosh, I get five trinkets from my best friend Torbeck. You're so generous, Lord Torbeck. Torbeck likes the sound of that. I mean, Prince Torbeck. That's what I got. Prince Torbeck.

Let me see what I got! We should make up some business cards. I have trained you for this moment, Prince Torbek. Like I foreshadowed six, five or more years ago when I said, if you ever become monarchs of your own kingdom. Oh my gosh, Torbek, look at this! I got a wooden mouse! Squeak, squeak! Oh, it squeaks! I want to squeeze it! Ha ha ha!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Stay with Tolbeck. Stay with Tolbeck. We'll get you rat snacks. We will find you rat snacks. Oh, Toothpick, look. Oh, gosh, look at those farts, wood, and teeth. Oh, that's horrific and unsanitary. Look, I found another fart, farts, wood, and teeth. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I can't tell them. A little humor for you Americans. Oh, my gosh, look at this.

And you see as she pulls up a, what is very clearly a fake beehive with these magically animated glittering bees that swirl around it. And it's clearly made for a sprite, a pixie, or a fairy. And she just happens to be one of those things. And as she takes it and picks it up, it's a wig! She puts it down onto her head and she has a beautiful beehive wig with all of these glittering bees that swirl around it. That was my cape!

And this is my most cutest twig there's ever been.

Um, Graco? When do I get a snail, and when do I have to fuck a troll? Well, uh, you may acquire a snail when the time is right, and there's a grand tourney, and one snail binds with you spiritually for life.

You must fuck a troll if your kingdom ails for a decade against a nation of trolls, and fucking a troll is the only thing that will save it in siring a bug bro. Hey, Graco, will you do me a favor? Yes. Do you see this tiny wooden stool that's sized for Pixie or Sprite or Twig? And will you set it up next to Torbeck's throne so I can sit next to my best friend? Oh.

That's a perfect idea. Gricko's so wise, he can be Hand of the Prince, and Twink can be Best Friend of the Prince. Yeah, that's great. Will you put the stool there for me? Oh, actually, Lord Toblack, I figure as my first gift to you as monarch to monarch, I will grant you my...

Grand Maester to be your Hand of the King. Why's Krikko ignoring me? Oh, well, I'm walking up the trash heap, and I keep sliding. Oh, fuck! Okay, okay. Oh, fuck! Krikko, stool. I'll place it right here. You do that.

However, there is a caveat to this. Anyone but the owner who holds this stool gets splinters. Oh.

And so as you're carrying it up, you feel splinters just shoot into your hands. And they are, you have 50 splinters in your hands. Oh yeah, Torbjorn, I will grant you my grand maester to be your hand of the king. I guess you'll never ignore Twig again. Hey, Torbjorn. If you get twigs. Ah!

Have you thought about doing leeches about it? Why is the Grand Maester bleeding? Oh yeah, there's a lot of blood in his throat, in my robes.

Twig will sit on her little stool next to Torbek. She's just happy, squeezing her mouth, her mouse, using her new wooden teeth and looking very beautiful in her beehive wig. I'm poking around the trinkets just trying to find something that might be used in a spell or something. Oh.

- You can all roll D100. - Yeah, I'll roll and I'll say as I'm looking. - But you will need to write these down because what I will say just for metagame knowledge is you will have more success. Obviously these trinkets are the currency of the Feywild. You will have more success by paying with these trinkets if the trinket itself

is some way matches whoever you are trying to trade with. The relevance of the trinket to the person is important. - I'm convinced that this campaign is just an early 90s point and click adventure game. 100%. Find the key, we go to the goblin. Well, you gotta kill the goblin.

We go, "You gotta find my head!" We get the head, we get the guy, we get the key, we get the bag. - Sleek's awakening. - D100s? - D100s, yeah. - As I'm poking around the pile of rubble, I'll say, you know, that brings up a good point. Weren't they riding snails?

Think they have like snail stables around here or something? They might have snail stables and Mr. Laird and Mr. Witch promised me that snail number two would find its way here and he hasn't yet. They did say that. Which makes sense because they're dirty liars.

I haven't been saying much because I've been going around picking exactly the most perfect five trinkets that I think are going to be meaningfully important for this adventure and putting them in my pack. Great. And those numbers are? 68. 68. Yes. You find a wooden pan flute that seemed to attract harmless local fauna when played. You gave me the little marker. You play it a little bit and you notice that a few actual mice come up. You were able to hide them from view of Hootsie and they're able to go back into the woods.

I need to hide these from Hootsie. Hootsie! Hootsie glares at you as if you've done this many, many times before. 25. Incredible. You also find a silver fork with the outer tines bent sideways. Oh. That's interesting. Tine.

Is it significant? Like a dowsing robin? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. A chess piece shaped like a dancing satyr wearing a bishop's hat and clutching a gnarled staff. Chess piece, dancing satyr. Gnarled staff. Satyr. Satyr.

I hope you get a number. I hope you get one. Me? No, Krabby. I didn't get a one. I might give you one just to pick one of your random numbers and remove it. Make it a one. Yeah, make it a one. 63. 63.

Why don't I go through all five, and then you can tell me which one my friends would see. Black Executioner's Hood, sized for a pixie or sprite. Whoa. A pixie Executioner's Hood? Mm-hmm. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gumdrop buttons! Uh, 74. Is this the last one? Yep. A copper coin with a smiling satyr's face on one side and a satyr's skull on the other. Oh, satyr's face. And...

- Gricko, what are your numbers? - 19. - All right. You find a vitrified eye of a displacer beast. - Whoa. - Are these in D&D Beyond? - Right. - I'm just gonna add them. - Whoa, a displacer beast! I had to go with my displacer beast cloak! I forgot I had that function! - And other numbers? - 36.

36. Rock that floats and is small enough to hide in your closed fist. Whoa. Oh, and that's a rock fact. I'm going to give you a name. Oh, no. Oh, Macabre. 23. Ball and cup toy that plays a short, victorious jingle whenever the ball lands in the cup. Ball in the cup! It's ball in the cup! Good!

- Oh, you don't get to get this one. You don't have the opposable thumb. - Are you able to get the ball in the cup? - I'm certainly trying. - Oh, it's okay that you missed. You can still try to get the ball in the cup because the ball's attached to a string. - Oh, thank goodness, ball in the cup! Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. - You almost got it, Graco.

Almost, that was close. Little ass twist on the back strap there. You do get the ball in the cup at once, but you get so excited you shake your wrist and it falls out of your sleeve. You're spinning it like a helicopter, man. You gotta put a little arc in your wrist. Too much. I'm doing terrible. Was that the fifth one for you? No, that was the third, sorry. 55.

A mask that helps you remember your dreams if you wear it while you sleep. Oh, what does the mask look like? Whatever you'd like it to. Okay, I'll think of something. Taper. Yes. And what's the last one? 90. 90.

- A set of false wooden teeth. - Nice. - Should I reroll? - No, now you also have, she has two sets of false wooden teeth. So you now have a third set of false wooden teeth. - I am a taper what can't tell a lie.

I'm a keeper with cat color lie. I've got a cat's eye and a floating rope. Torvac, are you taking anything? Yes. I took five items and I'm keeping the scarf as well. Perfect, yes. 50. 50. You find a tiny hourglass without sand in it. Ooh. 71.

A wooden apple painted blue. Oh, 82. The blue feather from Harvest Moon? A petrified robin's egg. Petrified robin. 39. 39.

39. A vial of viscous liquid labeled Fomorian spit. Do not drink. Oh, perfect. Maybe later. 64. 64. Piano key carved from a satyr's horn. Okay. Oh, wow. And I'm just keeping the scarf as well. I'm wearing it. Gideon. 40.

Wax candle that roars and crackles like a bonfire while lit. Oh, that's fucking great. We haven't had an ice pound. Oh, yeah. 45. That's pretty cool. You said 45? 45. Sorry, I wasn't listening to you. A bar of soap that smells like something memorable from your childhood. Oh, I'll need this. Soap with a memory inside. Soap with a memory inside. Only a gold vase. Three. Three.

Silver hand mirror with a nymph shaped handle. Interesting. Oh yeah. 28. Tiny clockwork dragonfly that slowly beats its wings but can't fly when wound up. That's amazing. It's fucking perfect. 73.

Nunchaku sized for a pixie or sprite? Nunchaku! I don't know what that is. That's a terrible weapon. Man, we got so much pixie stuff, we're running them. We're going to be able to make them an executioner or a nunchucks. This is badass. This is like Fae Malnin just...

Gosh, look at this glass green eye. It's glowing. Yeah, you want to see something cool? Check out this clockwork thing, man. It's just like that dragonfly from the ground. You should study. Study this. Oh, I'm going to study this. Don't break it down. Don't break it down. Gideon. Okay. You have been looking through your storybook, and you have seen inside of it, towards the back, a page that you haven't been able to decipher yet. You see the schematics for this exact same dragonfly. Ooh.

- I got a 34. - Fake three dragon anti-card depicting a fairy dragon. - No way. This is fate. - Hold on, depicting a what, sorry? - It's a fake three dragon anti-card depicting a fairy dragon. - I mean, that's just that blue, it couldn't be more perfect. Good God. - What do I do? Add it to your hat. - Yeah, I'm looking to add to the third card in my hat. - Oh my God. - I got a 94.

tasteless wine charm shaped like a sprite. - Ooh. - Wine charm. - Sorry, tasseled wine charm, tasteless. - For Rose night. - I said tasseled, but I repeat myself. Absolutely tasteless. - Which wine charms did you guys bring? - Oh my goodness. - Okay, 74. - What's the other one that you have? - 55.

Just because I think we might skip that one. I already know 74. Okay. Okay, and then the last one. I just want to see which one to replace. 49. So 74, 55, 49. A piece of parchment bearing a child's drawing of an Oni.

That's fucking horrifying. These are spooky. That is very macabre. What? Anomi? Anoni. Oh, anoni. So basically what the kid saw under the bed before he got fucking chomped. Okay. That's dark. A 100-sided die the size of a plum cut from coal.

Oh my god. This is like spooky fake shit. Fucking literally. And then the last one, the one I'm replacing, is just the repeated one. A cookie cutter shaped like a unicorn. Oh my god. 100%. Okay. And then cookie cutter. It does 1d4 piercing damage. Nice.

Wow, that's so many cool monies that we got to spend all over the Feywild. Sad thing is, I don't want to give up any of mine. I need two sets of wooden teeth.

What happens if I break the first set of wooden teeth? Are we allowed? Good question. Prince Torbeck, sir? Yes? Are we allowed to rumble through and perhaps find one additional to make a trade? Oh, yeah, of course. Torbeck only said five as an arbitrary number to go easy on the DM. You can take as much as you want.

I'd like to just give Hootsie something. Of course, Hootsie is Dornbeck's best friend too! I'm still petting her like a evil villain. I'll set her down. I'm gonna roll 65, if that's something that is allowed.

A tiny wooden lute with cat ears, cat hairs for strings. Oh. I don't think she's going to be able to play that with her big bear paws. Well, I am a master musician, and Hootsie, I know you've always been complaining about not being able to...

chew ruminant vegetables when I tell you to eat your greens. You're all like, oh, but Papa, I'm a carnivore. Why are you having me eat dark leafy greens? And I'll say, well, you're a very attractive blogger in yoga pants, so you should. And I want to look like a very good dad in front of them. So, here you go, and now you can match your best friend twig.

I'm gonna give her the vaults with her teeth. - They are magical wooden teeth, they resize depending on she's mouth, and as she opens her beak, you see wooden human teeth inside her beak. - Well, and now you have to remember that dental health is very important. Now, finally, and frosty. - Yeah.

Well, now we're going to get both of you flossing, because remember what Chuckles told Uncle Gideon, that you want to avoid the silent menace of gingivitis. You made Hoochie look like the bear that they use to teach children how to brush their fucking teeth. No, we need to teach you how to brush your teeth!

Oh, this is going to be so wonderful. I can't really tell if this is cute or horrifying. And now I can. I'm leaning towards the ladder. And now I can do this. Oh, this is so fun. Yeah.

And I play my tiny loot. Oh, what were some of the other items that you got? I didn't see you. Oh, I got my glass. You can tell this is a displaced beast on account of it being glowing green even after death. That's something that it is. Yeah, I mean, a glass cat saw. Yeah, I mean, I quite like it. It matches my cloak. Hey! Wasn't Clapper Claw supposed to be watching the skiffs?

What happened? And you see that Twig is standing at the very edge of the stump looking down towards the area where the skiffs had been. Copperclaw's not there! Skiffs is gone! Hey, Prince, your navy's under assault, man! Oh, Tormek hasn't assembled any kind of military yet! Did you order that scarecrow to go? Kazoo!

Oh!

Didn't you leave your scarecrow room again? I think it's getting away. We have to get down there right away. Follow me. What a thrill. With darkness and silence through the night. I just silently draw a clock clock. What a thrill. With a twig, you watch as, so we're going down? Where does it say that his head is?

Not here, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I didn't tell you what it said. Come on. I was going to read it a whole bunch. Oh, yeah. Now we ignore you. Yeah. No. It says right here. Acton gives one

"Clabraqua Skull to Bavlorna Blightstraw." Oh, fucking great. It's in the boss room! "What is Services Rendered?" Does it say where the big skull key is? Wait, wait, what is Services Rendered? No, but it does say that it now resides in Bavlorna's Cottage's Treasure Room. That's what it said. Wait, Services-- Classic adventure game. Services Rendered, that means that

Agdon was... She did something. Maybe he was beating up the poor old...

- Jabberjaw. - King Kong, King Kong! - I'm touching the jet! - Did you see how fucking fast that dude was moving? Ain't no other heron going. - Are you guys leaving? - No, I'm just holding on here. - I was just doing this. - You watch as Twig, "All right then!" She rears back and she just runs straight off of the ledge. - Don't wait.

And then she flies because she is a fairy creature. Her wings unfurl and she begins to fly down alongside you. Three minutes and 45 seconds. I give my life not for honor but for you.

Oh, it's a ladder. It's a ladder. Yeah. It's like this. And you eventually make your way down to the dock and to the area of the, uh, the area of the docks where the two skiffs had been. One of them is clearly missing. The other does seem to be securely tied to the dock. Um,

where it had been floating aimlessly in the dock when you had originally seen it. So it does look like Clapper Claw found a way to tie it there. Bits of the rope have been sniffed partially in half. Clearly, Clapper Claw's crab claws are a little hard to manage and they almost cut through some of the rope. But

It is, it was clearly done as a sign of goodwill. And you do see that stuck to one of the posts is a small note and scribbled in a childlike handwriting are the words, sorry, couldn't stay, was called back to downfall. Take this skiff and just go straight through the opening. You'll get there no problem. Very kind of, yeah.

They blessed us. They blessed our boat. Now it's like a mistraveling boat. Man, things are kind of looking up. We got a lot of cool stuff for killing that rabbit. Good job, Kulbeck. I mean, at first I was like a little, it's a little macabre, you know? But now after all the cool stuff, I mean, I got a bowl in the cup. Oh! I didn't get a bowl in the cup. Oh, I forgot my 10-foot pole. I'll be right back.

Not for honor, but for you.

This stuff is so cool, it almost lightens the horrific moral load that is on Torbeck's shoulders for committing murder. I'm back. Before we take this gif...

We have to go find the hill, see if we can find Jingle Jingle and give her her truffles back. I can deliver it if you need me to. I've got wings. Well, no, then we've got to get the key and we've got to take it back to Sir Talivar. Okay, I can take the key to Sir Talivar. I'll lock us out of that. No, I think we've got to be the ones to do it, right? No, as long as we say, can we send both of them a note? Yes.

Yeah, okay. Well, can we send both of them, like, some sort of official contract? I mean, this is... We can write up a contract, yeah. Write up a contract. Do you mind? Oh, oh, oh, Twink, you can have them sign for delivery. Exactly right. Yeah, sure. And the thing is... COD, if you know what I mean. I'm super fast. Pulled that one once or twice. What? I'm super fast. All right, well... Does that mean that we should wait here? I can go 60 feet.

In what span of time? Anybody can go 60 feet. He's at the slanty tower in a cage. Okay. I can go 90 feet if I wanted to. Wow. But through the swamp? I need to rest. I've seen you like... I just appear 90 feet away. How many times can you do that? If I use my hut, I can go even fasterest. It's like you feel like you can look up in the sky and teleport us all one mile.

Yes, and? This is ridiculous. It's absolutely-- Can you imagine if you had something so un-ridiculously powerful? Yes. Well, I'm gonna leave now without any contracts. See you later, bye! I make the argument that I get 114,000 blood-reaching damage. Okay, write the contracts, Kremi! So, I'll snap from this shadowy, swampy, almost like...

portal will open up, these contracts will float, and I'll just sort of write them up real quick, and it's for services rendered. So there's going to be one for, you know, in exchange for Truffle's key to Cage of, you know, Sir Talavar. You know, please sign on delivery. And the next one will be for...

One key of Talavar's Cage, you know, audience with Titania, Queen of the Fey. Do I need to deliver these? Or could Big Tunia do it? Is Big Tunia capable of asking for a signature? There's not really any room to fuck this up. Do you want to see?

I mean, sure. She reaches down into her acorn purse and she pulls out what appears to be a small truffle and she tosses it up into the air and Pigtoonya appears out of the truffle. And she begins to fly. Twig's eyes go a milky white and you watch as Pigtoonya's mouth opens up and you hear...

you would like to sign? Hi, I'm Twig Junior, and I'm inside Big Junior. Here I am asking questions. So... Wow, Twig is twerking. I don't know what that means. I mean, she has the blood of the first fay. Oh, no.

Here we go! That's it, that's it. It's really good. Ah, great power! She's the three-eyed fairy! Ah, yo, it's for us! Oh my god, she's got three eyes, man! Oh my gosh! I can't wait to learn never what that means! Twig's eyes return to normal and she

whispers into one of Pigtoonya's floppy ears exactly what the instructions are as you are able to strap the contracts to two of Pigtoonya's feet. I'll take one of my rings and I'll, they're rolled up, I'll take one of my rings and just place it against the rolled up scroll of parchment. I do that two times and almost magically it'll generate a wax seal that has a skull with a top head on it. And it'll go, ooh!

The wailing sounds of souls. Yeah, it'll be the wailing. Beetlejuice door where they're all like. Yeah. And you are able to take the satchel of truffles and place them over Pig Tunia's shoulder. She sniffs at the truffles longingly, but she's been ordered not to eat any of them.

And she's a loyal familiar. All right, just put this in your mouth. You strap them to her legs. Oh, all right. I'll just lash it to her. Okay, Pig Junior, you know what to do. Go forth and deliver contracts with nefarious means.

Small script. Now remember, truffles for the keys. Yes. Keys, you unlock the guy, and the guy guarantees us the audience. And when you're done, come back to me, because until then, I don't have a very useful, important part of my life, and my only other friend. So go. Yes, if you mess this up, you're snout of a job.

She brushes over and she embraces Pigtunia and Pigtunia flies off into the fog carrying your contracts. Good luck, Pigtunia! Tying up some of the loose ends that I don't want to deal with as a DM. Oh, I love it. It's like Lumi in Prime.

Fucking, she handles all of that. We don't have to go back there. That happens. Oh, I also wanted to pitch that when, along with the Wailing Souls, it'll be in tune and in the same pitch will be a Duke Ellington style big band. Wow.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So it'll be souls and the Duke Ellington jazz whale. Okay, I feel much better about that. I don't think I'm ready to go adventuring all on my own just yet.

We've done unbelievably well so far. And also, I realized as I suggested, who's going to further the plot if I leave? That's a good thought. Oh, no, we need you desperately. So I'm going to stay for a bit longer until we can get our fair share.

You were able to negotiate, you handled yourself well in combat. Committed war crimes way before we ever did. And you were transformed into an owl, and even though you were twigging out, you were able to deal with it. What a wordplay with this guy. I thought she was waiting for three hours to say that. I've been waiting for so long.

- And you read that book like a champ. You know, it's hard to read. - I'm gonna continue to read this ledger while we make our way, 'cause it's all in Sylvan, and I know Sylvan like the back of myself. And so, let's get in the boat and go to Downfall, I guess, yeah?

If you say so. Okay. That's enough frosting. You know what? I'm going to get out of here. That's enough frosting. Stick with the intelligence, you know? Puns are behind intelligence. And I get the fucking scare. And I was like, here, you can play with this for a little while. You're a small fellow. It magically goes in as I use my magical hand, my psionic hand, to get it into the cup. Whoa! Okay, give it here, give it here, give it here. I bet I can do better. Okay.

Okay. Okay. On this attempt, it's about to go in and a hand knocks it open. Bad luck, bad luck. Hootsie, you should have always learned to be persistent, even for something as simple as bowling a cup. And with that, you all climb into the skiff. You unhook the rope. It's very easy, considering so much of it was damaged by Clapper Claw's claws.

But you are able to get into the skiff and begin to make your way through an opening in the Queensway, part of the Queensway that has completely crumbled by the encroaching swamp.

And though your vision is obscured, you follow the note and you just continue to head through the fog. And it feels almost magic in the way the skiff is propelled forward. You do not need to row as it goes.

As the swamp itself carries you deeper into the murky recesses of this place, the mangrove trees hang low over you. They graze against you as you move slowly along the almost still water.

The thick fog hangs heavy in the air, obscuring the area around you so that the world appears to have shrunk to only 20 feet in all directions. Before you, the waterway widens and the current slows, giving the impression that you have entered a lake. Croaking voices penetrate the fog, through which dark shapes appear, resolving into two rowboats, manning the oars of each rowboat or two bullywugs. And in them, you see that each rowboat has...

not only the Bullywugs that are rowing, but there are also in total four finely dressed Bullywugs. A male and a female in each. The females have their parasols twirling behind them as they wear lacy dresses. The men in top hats and coats

are singing songs to them as they giggle and laugh as they enjoy a nice row around this lake. And as you begin to slide in, one of the boats turns towards you and you hear, "Welcome to Downfall, travelers."

You should really make your way to see the king. Oh, he would love to see them, wouldn't he? I think he would. They're quite interesting. Oh, look over here, Julia. Do you see? They're not bully bugs at all. The king will love them. And that is where we won the session. Is there a song at night when the lake is a mirror?

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