Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 22 | Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow
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Welcome to Legends of Adventress! Chuckle's here and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight! Here's what happened last time!

How do you get those abs when you're made of mud? You find an open hole. Toreko, is that you? Toreko! Torbeck is panicking! Relax your muscles. Relax your muscles for a moment, Torbeck. I can't! Torbeck is panicking!

Tormek doesn't understand what happened to Tormek. Yeah, so like, what's my favorite food, bruh? It's not something stupid and obvious like mud pie, is it? This is the worst, but they're still alive. I can busk on the street corner with Hootsin. She can dance and you can drive your wagon for Gruber. Well, I just want to go meet Jingle Dangle.

Jingle Jangle apparently is in possession of a key that will allow us to free Sir Talimar. Oh, yeah. Here we go. You're right. I'm a big old hill. Well, I still wouldn't like to walk around with an eternal splinter. Just one key. I see you got a lot of them. Jingle Jangle's got lots of keys. If you look around the walls, you might be able to find one you like.

You're all welcome at Jingle Jangle's cave anytime you want to come by. I'll let Telly Hill know. We're going to make the woods safe for truffle hunting on Wednesdays, and we are not going to get into the particulars of how we're going to do it. Are you asking me to take you to Brigham's doorway so you can rough up those ruffians that was roughing up Jingle Jangle on days similar to Wednesday? You've got it, kids! Oh, Jingle Jangle!

Old Tellamy Hill is going to get his vengeance for Amy! You are all atop Tellamy Hill as it bounds through the swamp. This is perfect music for bounding Tellamy Hill. Look, it's what I've got. I don't know what to tell you.

The swamp rushes past you. You feel the roots of Tellimi Hill rip out from the earth and propel you forward. The fog here is so thick, it is still difficult to see too far in front of you, but on occasion with the way the wind blows, you are able to see glimpses of Briggan's Tollway off in the distance.

And even past Brigham's Tollway, what appears to be a city, a city rising up from the muck and towering over it is clearly a large structure, a hut.

Looking at this as it peeks out of the fog, it is easy to tell that that must be downfall. The hut clearly held aloft in the fog is Bavlorna's cottage.

Ropes stretch from the platform surrounding the hut and attach to different structures and things at the base of the water. Looking at it, even from this distance, you can tell that just past Briggan's Tollway, where Downfall resides, the water is at its highest peak.

But it is clearly obscured by Brigham's Tollway itself. The only way to get there is forward. The only way to get there is through Brigham's Tollway. And as you bound forward atop Tel-Ami Hill, you're finally able to fully scope out this place. A gigantic stump. 50 feet in diameter. Clearly chopped off maybe just a fraction of the height of what this tree would be.

surrounding it are pathways twisting and interconnected wooden docks, wooden planks that rise up over the fetid muck of the swamp itself. You see many different boats moored up against the side, all of them connecting and meeting directly at this stump.

You see that attached from the top, the flat portion of the stump where it was cut off at some point, are rope ladders that have been tossed down, allowing for easy access. But the plankways, the bridges themselves, look like they're in disrepair and shoddy. And as the mist swirls around it, it looks uninhabited, completely empty and quiet.

Telami Hill makes its way forward. Nothing in this swampland is a match for this gigantic moving mound as it bounds towards Friggin's Tollway. But it eventually comes to a stop. There's no way to get closer with all of the mooring and the planks around this stump. Telami Hill can only get so far. And as it slowly sinks itself back down into the muck, you are...

A significant portion of the way away from Brigham's Tollway, but it is silent. There are no sounds outside of the crickets and the insects that buzz around the swamp. Even as tall as Telami Hill may be, it's not tall enough to see what rests atop the stump. But it is quiet. Oh, fuck.

Unless I want to impale myself on these wooden walkways. And I don't. No. This is as far as I can get ya. But if I just... Nestle myself down in the muck here. You should have a nice pathway directly onto one of these planks. Watch your step. Clearly don't have any kind of...

"Oh, anyone taking care of this stuff is just a disrepair! Nobody cares about their possessions these days, young kids!" Oh, that's true. This is the, uh, the tollway? "I'm assuming these are the tollways to that stump!" Oh... Thank you for moving with such haste, this is, uh, incredible. "I haven't run that fast since... '82!"

Oh dear. 82 what? I think he means just 82. Exactly! Oh my bark! Oh my childhood scrumbus washed away in the flood of 82. Which one? Gerald. Oh. I meant which 82?

I thought you meant which flood? Gerald 82 was a rough year. Oh, I thought you meant which scrampus. That was Hurricane Gerald. Hurricane Gerald took your scrampus, Gerald? Are you going to wait here for us, or...? Well... It's past my bedtime! And that was...

Long run, yes, I will wait here for you because Jingle Jangle will want to make sure that you're all right. Thank you. I may move 20 feet backwards so that those brigands can't access my lower portion. Yes, we wouldn't want anything to impale your mound.

My thoughts exactly, Unfrost! Yes? Well, thank you, Mr. Hill. You're welcome, Torbuck. Be careful, lads! Alright, will do. Hopefully we'll have some blood on our hands when we get back. Well, please wash them before making your way up my mound!

I don't need to wash them. We'll just rub them in the grass. I'm specifically asking for that not to happen. Oh. The grass is kind of like his skin. It's kind of like his hair. He was telling stories about punching people before, you know? You just figure he's got a little blood on him. Idiot, do you typically touch mounds with unwashed hands? This is outrageous. Yeah, frequently. In fact, that's just about the only way I touch mounds. My hands are dirty. I rub them all over me.

pounds and it's a great job. It gets you clean. It explains much. Hey guys, Dorbeck has a question. Yeah, Dorbeck? What's a scrumbus? Screams

Well, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, no, totally. I know what that is, but Torbeck, you wouldn't know, would you? No. Torbeck doesn't know. Imagine not knowing what a scrumper is. Is anyone else worried about the fact that it's completely silent here with nothing going on? Do you think...

Don't listen, okay, Tommy? Do you think Tommy brought us to the wrong place? I definitely didn't take you to the wrong place! Little one, this is Friggin' Stalway. There's only one! Well, Twiggy, I think probably what happened was all these rabbits saw a massive hill kind of running straight at them and they just are hiding. Oh, do you think they noticed?

Ah. Are you implying suddenly that we've lost the element of surprise? Oh, you clever duck. He's not a duck at all. Unintended consequences. Well, if they're high, we can drown them out. Finally. How are you going to drown them out when they live in a swamp?

They live on the top of a tree stump that's conveniently placed above the line of the swamp water. That's a good point. Oh, there they are. You'd be surprised. The tour back almost wants drowned in a bowl of soup. But if we had a bowl of soup, wouldn't we want to eat the soup ourselves and not drown someone in it? That's a good point.

Alright, well, regardless, we'll figure out what's going on. We'll poke around and, you know, this could be a horrible ambush. I'm a bit scared right now. I've never been on an adventure before. Well, you're thinking like an adventurer. This is good work. That's exactly the kind of thing you should be thinking of. Yeah!

So I'm good at this? Like, naturally? So far. You've contributed suggestions and observations. You haven't died. Everything's fine. Wait, what? Are you saying that my potential death would be a sign of failure? No, not necessarily failure, if that's

It's only failure if you don't have a diamond with 500 gold pieces. I don't have a diamond worth 500 gold pieces. Well, you had failure then. Tell me, do you have a diamond worth 500 gold pieces?

"What a do!" "Oh, oh, uh, Mr. Hill?" "Hello!" "Mr. Hill?" "Mm-hmm?" "Please stop me if this question is weird or uncomfortable." "Can you take off those shoes?" "And if so, what does it look like?" "What are you talking about?" "Don't you have, like, big old shoes on?"

Grinko, what the fuck are you talking about? Wasn't there a map with a hill with shoes on? I never described it as a hill with shoes on. It's not what that's mean. You don't think it was huge red sneakers? And in the map, they kind of look like L shoes, but they're just the roots. Oh, okay, okay. I thought it was literally like fucking... It's just a hill wearing air drums. Yeah.

That's how we got here so fast. When you showed the map last week, I was like, oh, hell with feet. What the fuck? Oh my god. Okay. Uh...

And yes, just because you grew up in a swamp does not mean you cannot drown in a swamp as my old friend Neil learned. Oh, that sounds ominous. Oh, Neil with a K. Oh. Oh.

Is that a perk to them? Well, it separates him from his other friend, Neil. Without a K. Oh, all right. Tormek is learning. Okay, well, tell me, thank you so much for getting us here. We're going to go rescue, I mean...

Well, we kind of are rescuing the damsel in distress. Even though she's not currently with them, they hurt her. Jingle jingles, I'm talking about, in case you were wondering. And so we're going to beat him up and...

then she'll never, she'll be rescued for next Wednesday or days that resemble Wednesday. That was perfectly synthesized. We'll tell them that there's hill to pay. Oh! Yeah! Oh my God, that was a tell of me hill to pay! That's really good, wasn't it? That was a tell of me hill to pay. We'll tell them that there's hill to pay. Oh!

You can tell me the evil to pay. Yes, exactly. Oh, okay. Come on. If they already know we're here, let's walk up. Well, hold on. If they know we're here, then this might be some kind of ambush. So what do we do? Should we maybe make our presence known and see if we can parlay? Is that a good idea? Yeah.

Oh, I don't know. Do brigands honor parlay? Well, there's scarf fellas. A lot of people think that parlay tastes like gross stuff in your mouth, though. I find it completely flavorless myself. It's very strange. I don't like the stuff.

Yeah, it's like a DNA thing. Yeah. Like when you put parlay in your mouth, it tastes wrong. Like soap. That's what it was. Some people think it tastes like soap. So is that a good idea? What if at least half of them taste soap when we parlay them?

We'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it. They might all like it 'cause it's green stuff. Oh no, they'll love this stuff. And my 82 and he records have said, "I don't like this stuff." Frost starts looking around. You did that when Jerald died? He was Jerald. Does it look like we would be able to get off the hill, given that it's the-- The hill has made its way

directly here. So, so you can kind of take, just pass that around. So you can take a look at Brigham's Tollway again. It is interconnected docks that circle this gigantic stump. It is, it's like a maze. They're rising up out of the swamp and the swamp right now is

You've seen it fluctuate in... It's really pretty far away. In depth. Depth, thank you. And it is right now at its lowest, but you imagine, based on how far these planks are out of the water, that they would still remain out of the water should it be at its highest depth. Oh, so they're like tall up. Yeah, so this is tall up, and then the tree stump is just right...

rising up into the... They're not floating along with the water. They're on stilts. They're on stilts. They're built into the ground itself. They are... They seem to be, for the most part, structurally sound, though they are unkempt. So...

You can see that they are used. There are boats that are moored up against it. Skiffs, as it were, there are rafts. Just a variety of different water mounts.

essentially. And it's easy to see that this is how the brigands were able to make their way out into the swamp and find you and why they had a boat with them. They clearly came from these causeways, make their way out, steal and bring it back. You can see these knotted, uh, ropes that leads directly up to the top of this thing. Um, uh, yes. Do, uh,

This is not the first time the gang has encountered the brigands? No. So they know what they look like? Yes. Or we're not sure because there could be more. There could be a bunch of them. Yes, you encountered about ten of them. Okay. And you don't know if ten, you know that there was one additional that you hadn't met, and that was the brigand prince, they called him. Yeah.

Outside of, yeah, Agden Longscarf. Agden. And that there could be more. You don't know. It could have just been the 10 and Agden. It could be that there were five other vessels of 10 that had gone out from Brigand's Tollway. You do not have that information. Oh, they did have a snake. If the whole barley thing doesn't work, could maybe we use someone as bait?

Oh! Um, could I, um, could I request, um, not the bait, because...

I've never done adventuring before, and I get performance anxiety, and my first time being bait, I want to make sure I know how to do it, you know? Oh, you can observe, maybe. Mr. Crummy won't make you be bait. Torbeck is very certain. Yes, it's an advanced adventuring technique. Torbeck is a master baiter. Okay, so you've baited before, like a lot. Yeah.

Tormek's been known to bait here and there. Okay, okay. I've never baited once in my life, so I'm gonna have to watch you very closely so I make sure I know how to do it. Just don't make eye contact with me. It's starting to border on chronic. Oh, you're a chronic baiter? It's a thrill. So why shouldn't I make eye contact with you when you bait? Are you gonna get scared?

Eye contact is the direct window to the soul. Oh, and you don't want me to psych you out, because at the moment the bait goes off, if you get psyched out, you won't be able to finish. It's certainly explosive. Mm-hmm.

- No. Okay. - I'm still looking around as this conversation's happening. Does it look like there's only one path forward, just directly towards the stump via these docks? Or does it look like there is a chance that we, 'cause I'm assuming, Frost is, that their focus point is this hill that showed up. Would we be able to go around? - So how the hill has placed itself up next to it, if you look at the map, there is one, I can actually show you if you pass the map back to me.

Where the hill, I will mark it, has placed itself is right where I'm circling. So you have two planks that you can dismount onto and start making your way around.

Left ways or right ways? Behind you, however, is just the swamp. Should you disembark the hill, not onto one of these planks, you would have to, because the water level is low, you would have to find a way to climb up. And there are no ways to climb up onto these planks. It is very clear that the brigands don't leave these plankways unless the water level is high. So all of the skiffs are tied, but they are...

sitting at the low level and they will clearly rise up as the water gets higher they'll be able to embark onto the yeah onto the skiffs and the rafts and head out to do their stealing so there's a there's like a wooden like pylon coming off the plank heading into the water and it's above us like the yin

Yes. So if you were not on Telamie Hill, you would be looking up at all of these causeways. So we can gobble and glide it down onto the plank. You can literally just walk down. Oh, it's right up there. He's a hill. Oh, yeah. We can step off like Jack Sparrow. Yeah. Jack Sparrow. Exactly. You know, Tweek, it's okay. Uh,

You know, I'll let you in on a little secret. I also get performance anxiety when I try to bait in front of people. I've seen it. Yeah. One last thing before we go, Frosty. I'm really worried about it because the first time I bait, I want to make sure that I'm ready for it, you know? And then all the people that are watching are cheering me on. And they're like, Twig, you can bait, bait your life away.

And but not in a you're going to die when you finished. Got away. Oh, no. I'm real scared. She adjusts her glasses.

I don't want to bait anytime soon. Yeah, because once you do it the first time, you don't want to do it a second. That's what Torbjorn says. You definitely don't want to die in the first one. Is baiting addictive? Well, we talked to Torbjorn. It's more like if you die the first time you bait, you'll never become a master baiter. It takes years of practice. Oh, and you know what would be really cool? What?

I used to know this girl in Brownie school. She has a real mean head. She said that twig, you're never going to grow up to be anything cool. You'll never be good at anything. And I'm kind of good at running an inn, you know. But she's never stopped by, so she wouldn't know. But Briar Gigglewing, when I become a masturbator, I'm going to bait in front of you and then you'll know.

Yes, she will. Torbeck can't think of anything cooler than being a masturbator. That really showed Giggle. Yeah, Brian. Were you girls and brownies together?

Huh? He goes like brownies together. Well, she's a brownie and I'm a brownie, so yeah. I literally said we're in brownie school. Oh, that's a pretty good and funny poem. It's where you learn how to control your bugger, you know? Yes, I do know. So when it comes to Beaten, I think this is why Fate has brought Torbeck to us. Yes. I can't stop picturing Torbeck

in a grass skirt. Why? I feel like that's appropriate for bait. I feel for all the brigands out. Torbjorn won't say no. Yeah, like maybe a flower necklace or something, you know? Do we have a flower necklace and a grass skirt? I could make one.

I can make one. Well, yeah, we could make one with reeds and swamp flowers. But Tormek fails to see how this is applicable. That's a really good word. Tormek calls that a five dollar word.

What's a dollar? Five. Five is a dollar. Wow, that's expensive. That would be a lot of gold pieces for one. I just had a vision that instead of currency backed by precious metals, we used...

Government Fiat. Oh no! That's fucking crazy, Tom. How would that even work, man? Bossness! I'm losing it. I'm losing my mind. Okay, okay. Isn't a Fiat one of those tiny horses that always breaks down and no one can fix them? Yes, that's exactly right.

Why would you ever use tiny horses? And they got those big old mustachios. They're probably a bunch of perverts. Oh, yeah, those horses are good for nothing. Why would the government issue tiny perverted...

Italian horses that break down every chance they get. I don't know. The government's even more useless than Torben.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Ever since Bosnaff set up on Old Delamere Hill, things ain't never been the same. Let's stop this quest. Let's go talk to Bosnaff more. He was a cool guy. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Before we go, Frost, I feel like I'm contractually obligated, based on where we are, to do this. I'm the king of the hill. Oh.

Okay. Could you at least give me some kind of minor congratulations? Oh, no, it was a very good pun. Okay, now we may proceed. Thank you very much. Dang it, Graco! Let's go! Okay. We don't have a plan yet. Oh, that's right. Once we get on the dock, I propose that we hold any baiting options until we see if we can work our way around and perhaps their focal point will certainly be this massive hill that's run up on its very own roots.

they'll come to this area or at least keep their eye on it, and perhaps that's how we sneak around and find our way to this...

Ogden? Agden? Agden. Tore back the needle. Holding off on the baning is gonna be difficult. You're just gonna have to hold it in. Well, I'll just make a few more pretty flowers, and then all we need is a needle and some thread. Frosty, you got that? A ball of thread? And a needle? I do. Okay.

So hold on, we're talking about two completely different plans here. One is we're going to get off of the swamp, take your shoes off, and then wade through the mud to the other side of the stump. No, no, no, no. Looking at the configuration of these docks, we don't have to go directly to the trunk.

in order to bait. We can actually get about halfway and then perhaps circle around on the docks. Oh, you want to get one of these little boats and see if we can pull up to a different dock like on the other side. We don't have to be on the water. If you look at the mind map here that I have in my brain, then...

Here's the trunk. And here's the dock, right? We get to the dock that's here, and then we start circling around before we approach. That'll give us at least perhaps some element of surprise. Oh, yeah, let's steal the skiff. Go on water. Okay.

why don't we walk you want to be surprising why the hell we walk straight up to him why not get in the boat and just go like this far down we won't be able to get up from the skiff without spending precious precious D&D resources how are you gonna sail on the skiff when it's

when it's low water, there's no water to skiff around on. I think it's very clear. We have literally said that six times. Yes, we can't go by water. There's no way without spending precious, precious D&D resources. I had no idea you said an article. It's not necessarily

Not necessarily that monotical, Captain. I'm just looking down at the fact that them skips sitting in the mud. Okay, so there's no water at all. And I know that you can't sail a raft on mud. Oh, okay. It's all muck. I was thinking we could take Frosty's ten-foot pole and just like... Oh! Oh!

Oh, shit! Oh, my God, I'm good!

That was great, Derek. Thank you, thank you. Extremely fake and dark. You kind of sound like a Muppet. Do you want to see me do it again? Do you want to see me do it again? I knew many of the lyrics back then, but I don't. Well, shit, there's only one way forward. Let's just get on the dock and start walking. Oh, it looks like there are tons of ways forward. Just like Frost was trying to tell you guys when you

weren't listening to him that you could walk forward and then take any of the side planks in all kinds of different directions and then wide around on those and then take another one in a different direction and then go around go around on that one and then round back and go to the third one and the next thing you know we're on the west side instead of the north side we're on the south side we're the southeast

southeast side. Oh my god, I'm getting really worked up. Somebody stop me. This is what we call in the adventuring world a critical research area. You get involved down in the mechanics of how we approach. Nobody's going to answer the door if you don't knock. We just walk straight up to them. That brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much for listening to me. Alright, let's do what Frosty suggested.

Y'all can't believe someone was suggesting the low-tawed skiff. How would we even ride that thing? All right. I start to walk towards the dock. Oh, we follow. We walk towards the dock. A foggy marsh stretches out before you. Rickety causeways made of wooden planks from a wide web-like structure above the bog.

300 feet away, many of these causeways converge on an enormous ivy-covered tree stump that rises a good 50 feet above the 20-foot-high fog bank that enshrouds it. You make your way along the planks, and you can hear them creaking and rocking as you move along. But the sound is completely obscured.

By the sound of the gnarled roots being pried up out of the earth, this Telami Hill slowly moves away and back into the fog. You can still see the top of the hill peeking out between the mists of fog as it moves this way and that. But your ability to climb upon Telami Hill has been removed from you.

as he has separated himself from this leg of your journey. I need you all to roll a d8 for me, please. Jormagnotta, five. One. One. Are we re-rolling duplicates? Nope. I'll go a seven. Eight.

Our forehead skin comes off and blinds us. What skin? That head is so important. That is. That is the most disgusting. I filled a room

with human sweat and started to drown you guys in it. Spoilers. That was pretty bad. That's disgusting. I can't take credit for it. That's from a short story written by Robert E. Howard, the creator of Conan the Barbarian and other classic characters. That's disgusting. I heard that and felt that in my head. When you read it, you're like, oh no! Go on!

I don't know how to continue from there. I want to quit. I want to end the game. What do you mean? Stop it, please. Please don't do that to me. It's not nice. Okay, mate, you two really? Okay. So we had 7, 8, 1, 1, 5. 1, 1, 5, 7, 8, 7. You watch as Twig is...

prancing about on the wooden planks. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. Yeah, it's not as messy as I thought. Okay. Okay. It's not as... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not as slippery as I thought. Okay, my little booties aren't sliding around like I... And immediately, her foot gets caught on a rough portion of the plank as it cracks beneath her, and she...

to tumble down off of the plank. She, part of her skirt gets caught on the wood and she's dangling there over the muck. I will immediately reach out with my invisible mage hand.

- You all move. Gricko, you also move forward. You slip and part of the causeway breaks away as you two begin to tumble off of this 20 foot high causeway. Cremi, in an attempt to move backwards out of

danger of all of this, you aren't paying any attention to what you're doing as you literally step off the causeway itself and begin to plummet down. As I see... The other three of you are safe. As Torbek sees Frost go for Twig, Torbek has a moment where he looks at Gricko. He looks at Mr. Grummey.

He looks back to Gringo. Mr. Cranenby! With his ten for reach, I attempt to get there and grab him before he does. I will say, roll a dexterity saving throw at advantage because of your long range. While this is all happening, I'm like, oh my god, what the fuck? And then I look down, and I'm just standing over air. I look at the camera, and I blink twice. He's like, what?

- And your eyes stay behind your body. - You don't pull out a sign? - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Just dex saving throw? - Yeah. - 18. - Okay. - What were you doing fast? - I can only support 10 pounds. I do not know how heavy you would consider Twig to be, but she's small. I'm going to attempt to slow her as quickly as I can to see if I can reach her and grab her.

Part of her hem is attached to the wood. She's dangling above the plank. I would say you're easily able to grab what's dangling, and because she hasn't started plummeting, she's not free falling, you're easily able to help her back up onto the plank. Watch your step there, Quig. You pull her up and you're able to hold onto her. She's still flailing.

You're all right. You're all right. I did not have my Greco! Oh. And she looks, and nobody went for Greco. So... I was going to ask if there was anyone in the vicinity I had a chance of saving. I'll be walking along. Who'd see earmuffs? You know, there's actually kind of a coincidence about this low-tarred skiff. Back in Goblin College, I knew this girl named Tiffany, and she had a nickname. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- I don't get it. - I no longer am interested in trying to save Grigory. - Oh, he's upside down in the mud. His legs are just doing this. He'll probably drown soon. - If Grigory were to fall, I would try and catch him. - As all of this is happening, almost as if moving through the shadows,

an obscene reflex rate. Torbek, you see out of the corner of your eye as Kremi steps backwards, trying not to get involved with the chaos that's ensuing in front of you. And you see as he does step clear off of the causeway. And with the reaction time of an...

Eldritch being, I don't know. You reach out with your long spindly arms and instead of reaching forward, you reach into a hole, a knot in the causeway and you're able to grab Kremi before he completely falls. Kremi, you feel yourself plummeting down and then you stop as you are now chest height with the causeway and you're just looking out and your eyes meet Torbeck's and you see that he has you. You are safe.

Hi, Mr. Crammy. Torbeck's got you. As you begin to hear the screams, this greek of moments, Torbeck's got your feet to the ground. Can I try and save Grudkamp? I goofy the fuck out of the plane. I'm gone. Torbeck curls Craggy. What are you going to try and do? And sets him up on the... No, I would say, yeah, you're easily able to do that.

Torbek had to make a split-second decision and didn't choose Greco. Torbek had two arms. This one was preparing to bathe. And eat my Bo's sneaking mango snack. Oh, God.

- What would you, what are you doing to try and save him? - Impossible, impossible. If like we see everyone is falling off the gangway all at the same time, and I, presumably if I'm quick enough to see that Torbeck is gone for Kremi already.

Then I would try and dive towards the opening where Gricko was, and even if I couldn't get my hand to him in time, try and throw the end of my chain down so that as he's falling, if I could do it quick enough, it would be something that he could grab onto in the fall. I thought you were going to light him on fire. That's my second option. I won't let you drown, buddy.

That's no way to die. As I lay on fire and grab onto Gideon's chain, I'll just hold up a thumb. As I sink down. You

Roll a dexterity saving throw for me, please. Oh, sorry, buddy. It's your turn. And I will say, because you do have your chains and it's a clever use of them, you can roll at advantage. While you're rolling, Nikki, I was so horrified when you said that the wood splintered underneath Twig. I thought you were going to pull out a pencil. I'm like, no! Yeah!

- Yeah, so did I. You were like, and it breaks! And I was like, oh my god, the wood that's been standing on it. - 19, 19. - Okay, Gricko is telling this story that you don't know if it's real or fake. And as he gets to the punchline, walks just straight off of the,

off of the causeway. - I've known a couple Tiffany's. - And you watch this. - Zobrico! - And you are cracking it up, man! - You hurl your chain and you wrap it around his waist. As he's dangling there over the side, you're able to haul him back up. But you realize that this causeway is deceptive. That clearly these Harongons are light of foot.

And they must know all of the safe spaces to move along these wooden pathways. Because clearly, this is not a safe passageway. And though you do have the entire length of it to make your way to Brigand's Tollway, you will have to find a clever way to make it there.

Just walking will be precarious. This would take forever, but I could use my mind to test the creaks for each board we walk on and find the silent path. What does a creak have to do with this? We're on top of a water rock! Wait for us and I'll just die! The creaking sound like this.

Yeah, I almost died. Rico maybe almost died, I don't know. Yeah, you guys all okay, by the way? I was probably pretty... And two of them got mango all over my toe. Sorry. No, no, I'm still hanging above the swamp. Where is he?

- Quit yanking my chain, Gricko, get up here. - Nice. - Oh, good job keeping your earmuffs on, Hootsie. You can take them off. - Hey, well, why don't, I mean, we can, you know, we can wrap the end of this chain around Gricko, just tie it around him like a belt, and then why doesn't he just run back and forth up the gangway? If he breaks through, we just yank him back up. - I could turn into something alive and athletic.

Well, then we gotta... Well, how are we gonna follow you? No! You should turn into something giant and heavy. Wouldn't I just crash through? Yeah, probably. He'll pull you up and you just break all the boards that'll, you know, that'll be bad. Torbjorn thinks you should choose an elephant!

Oh, I'm not that strong of a druid. I'm pretty good. It's kind of a big, it's kind of a big animal. Have you seen an elephant? You know, Torbay's got those big, long arms. Like you just stretch them out and just start knocking on the wood in front, like 10 feet out in front of us.

See what's next, I do my best donkey. Jungle beats. You know what would be really cool? If we made friends with a family of termites and asked them to get into the wood and find out where the wood's good.

It's Quasaril. Does anybody know a family of termites? No. No. Yes, once, but it's not important now. Torbeck knows fleas. Do fleas know anything about wood? No. Griggo can probably turn into a termite. I can turn into a termite, quite a large one. I learned that trick from a fella named Mumbo. Oh. Yeah.

And while I'm at it, this is feeling like a little bit of Ghost Valley 1 from Super Mario Kart situation. And I feel like the way that we handle this is by me turning into a giant monstrous octopus. Oh, but elephant was ridiculous. Very different. Torbett doesn't see how. Do you know how many bones are in an elephant, Torbett?

Probably at least 12. 342. Torbeck was close. Do you know how many bones are there in an octopus? There was a two. Less than 342. Oh, did you know there are at least 286 flies in the Feywild at any given time? At least. Yeah. Do they bite?

There are some that bite especially on the beaches. You try and go out there and you're all covered in oil ready to get tanned. And then these big old flies come up and rip the skin off of your legs. And by the time you go home, you have no skin left.

I heard that the reason why flies bite is for sexual reproduction. There's... What? What? Is that true? What? Yes, that's actually true. Oh, my God. I never want to go to a beach ever again. They use the blood. They need it in order to reproduce. They need to bite my...

If you don't think I have a custom stat block about this for... Torment! You roll a natural 20, propagate 40 flies. It's not for nutrition. It's only for sex. Why are you licking your lips while you're saying that? No reason. You're normally so neutral about sex. Okay. Okay. Be fair. I do think... Could you have a question? Why do we think

Putting a giant creature on a rickety causeway is going to be in any way advantageous to us. No, I don't. No, what I think it is, is that I can be a big old tentacle creature and I can smack everything. And completely break the causeway so that there's no way to travel on it, period.

Oh, I think I feel like I was going a little too much towards the Ghost Valley one. It's always very sturdy places to go on. That's a good point. We could just destroy the whole thing. Well, we're just trying to go with just the simplest route, which was always going to turn into an Occam to push. Do you think maybe the simplest route would be to just pay attention to what we're doing?

Let's just move gently. We've never done that before. Either that or we run real fast crash bandicoot style. Maybe we should have the most smarterest and dexterous person in the front and Gricko in the back. I'll lock them odds. Well, let's approach these dire, dire darks with care. LAUGHTER

And Bayou Boogie! I'll take the lead. I'll take the rear. Uchi, you're with me because you're very clumsy. Thank you, Twig. Oh yes, I need to stay with Uchi because she's not very graceful.

Tormek will just stay in the middle. Tormek has long arms. Why don't you go second, man? Because then if the person at the first starts going down- No, no, no, that's a good idea! Because if he's in the middle, he has two arms, so as long as he's not baiting, he can reach in both directions in case something happens. Yes, but you have to stay close to Tormek.

I'll stay close to Torbjorn. Do you think I could just ride on your shoulders, Torbjorn? Of course, if you want to. You stink, but that's okay. Torbjorn can't really help it. Just get up here. Okay.

Twig is nestled between one of the vials on your back and your neck, and she's just sitting there with her head on your head. This is great! I can see so much stuff from up here! It's almost like I have advantage on my perception! Mmm. Oh. Well, um... Witches really lost, it doesn't matter, don't kick your hopes up, guys! Oh!

I will start to make my way slowly. I need everybody's passive perception, please. I'm sneaking and I am casting resistance on myself ongoingly. 14. Also a 14. Passive perception? Yeah. Oh, it's a donkey. Are you rolling or is it just passive? I just rolled for no reason. I rolled for no reason. 14. That's three 14s. Is it eight plus the thing?

It should tell you under Senses. Oh! Senses. Which is under your saving throws. I remember when Boss Mask came around with the 82 Senses. Wow. 13. I'm missing one. Man, we're not very perceptive, are we? No, I'm

I'm very prospective. It is, oh, that'll be a 17! Oh! Let's go. Good beast in the bag. You make your way along the causeway, and are you just going straight toward the stump, or are you... No, I'm attempting to zigzag and see if I can find a side route. I'm keeping my eyes on the...

causeway as much as possible, letting the rest of my gang focus on looking around. I'm assuming they would be smart enough to do that. And I'm using my hand and sort of

Taking steps at a gentle pace Toe first, toe first. If I feel a little creak I'll shift a little bit to the left and just sort of create the line as I make my way to attempt to reduce the possibility of falling because of traps certainly but also just to mitigate our sound as much as possible. Okay. You are able to do this. You are focusing your mind

on the goal ahead of you. And you are able to spot the places where the wood looks weakest, where you start to notice patterns. You can see indentations where clearly the area of the wood has been worn more than others. Spots where Harrengan might have jumped to, knowing those spots are the strongest. And you begin to, your mind begins to see

what this is and it like a puzzle you're able to now clearly see as you look along that's a dangerous spot that's a safe spot dangerous safe and

The deduction is no longer necessary as your mind is fully wrapped around what visual cues to look for to know where you can move. And you all create a sort of rhythm where Frost moves, the next follows. And it does take a while. This is a long winding pathway up to this stop, but you

You are making progress as you move forward and take the next path to the left and then to the right. Then you wind back and then another. And finally, you're on a straight shot directly towards Briggen's Tollway. There is just this one path ahead of you. I believe we've worked around the trunk as much as we can before we have to actually approach this possible ambush. Do we have any plans for when we get inside if we...

are confronted, perhaps aggressively. Uh, do we lost the element of surprise, I presume? Well, the hill did, and so just a question of whether or not we're being observed. I could try climbing up this stump, turning into something spooky with hooks for hands. Torbek can climb too, he can go with Gricko! We can go together, body system! Oh, yeah, exactly, body system, so I'll still use a presence. Torbek!

Stop breathing on my neck! Oh, sorry, it's just kind of the general air.

of Torback. No. Kydian, stop breathing on my neck. Well, I don't... No, I'm not breathing on your neck. I'm way over here. Grummy? Stop breathing on my neck? I've been hesitant to determine, look up. An odd feeling suddenly comes over you as you become aware that somewhere along the way, a hunched-hooded figure has joined the group.

The cloak falls away as you watch as with lightning speed, a creature barely taller than Gricko leaps around you. A flash of blue encircling you. I keep it all over myself. Encircling you as you hear

You have been being watched by none other than Agdon Longscar, the brigand prince of Prismir. Oh, man. Damn it, Agdon. You guys are too great. You've inspired me to sing a song, one of my favorites.

We are the mediocre presidents. You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents. There's Taylor, there's Tyler, there's Fillmore, and there's Hayes. There's William Henry Harrison. I died in 30 days! We are the adequate, forgettable, occasionally regrettable caretaker presidents of the U.S.A.

Okay, but can we talk about the fact that my favorite present, Rutherford B. Hayes, number 19. Number 19, everybody. Gotta give it up. B. Hayes was mentioned in that song. I was always a big fan of Groove. Some people. I guess his name was Groove.

This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legendsofavantress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon-exclusive campaign set on the high seas. Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to thecrookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplementary.

Implement the crooked moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Immediately, this entity begins to whip around you. A flash of blue. As you look this way and that, trying to...

trying to pinpoint this creature before finally he stops on one of the posts along the causeway. Clearly, a Haringan man

dressed in studded leathers, holding a, why can't I think of what it is called? A branding iron. Holding a branding iron that is clearly illuminated on the tip. It's bright red coloration is...

smoking and steaming. You see that the brand on it is the symbol of three herring gons attached tail to...

Tail to nose in a triangle pattern. I could actually show you. Red hunt brand you say? Like the human sentai pen? Oh my god. I was trying to think of a pun about hares and rabbits, which, give it time before you waste it. I was thinking like an Ouroboros, but instead of serpents, rabbits. Yes, so it looks like this. Oh! That's complex for a brand.

Oh, I think I know what that means. Three hairs. And that's why it's always hot. In the other hand, he holds aloft a shield and wrapped around his neck is a 15 foot long blue scarf

that trails off behind him. The end of it is tattered and ripped and broken, and for the sake of it, I will show you a picture of him. He's been on the map the whole time. He's right here. This is awesome. He was under our noses the whole time. How come we've never thought of a branding iron as a weapon? How sick is that? Because it's really fucking dark. My next character is going to have a huge pair of cutting shears. Yeah! I'm just going to...

This is sick. He stops and brandishes his branding iron and immediately you are met with the sound of bagpipes that erupt from somewhere overhead. And a song, a song that you have heard before as harangues pop up

all along the top of Brigand's Tollway. You see archers. You see melee fighters. They're at least...

50, if not more, Harangon staring down at you as they all begin to sing the song of Agdon Longscarf. He raises his hand and holds them at bay. As you notice, the waters begin to rise. There's a skiff on either side of this causeway. And in it, two Harangon. Two archers, clearly with their arrows pointed at all of you.

and two look to be melee fighters. They're cracking their knuckles. They're looking at you with a mischievous grin on your face. And Agdon looks down at all of you from his perch atop this post. You must pay the toll or leave. For I am Agdon Longscoth, brigand prince of Prismir, and you shall not pass.

We may have made a mistake, fellas. Parley! Parley! Parley! Start baiting. It's too late for that, Frost. Twig, stay close to me. Yes, what my friend said. Agdon, we would like to hear more about the toll. We'd like to parlay. You must pay the toll. Give up the goods. What exactly is the toll?

Whatever I want. Give me what you've got until I'm satisfied. Oh. That Torbic quite literally has nothing. Weapons, clothing, trinkets, money, everything. I want it all. I'm not giving you my clothes. That top hat. Pass it over. I narrow my eyes by that. Yes, and the jacket, too. Ha ha ha ha ha!

- Who do you think you are, fella? - He hops around and circles you quick as lightning. - What kind of toll was that? - You say this at him, but then he's gone in the flash of an eye. And as you try to follow him, by the time your head gets back to where he was, he's been standing there leaning on his knees, staring at you as if he had never left.

He's fast. Oh, Gricko, what are we going to do? Torbeck doesn't have anything. Well, you know, I mean, I thought I could get him to handle, like, maybe, like, five of them. That's a lot. I feel like this is, like, maybe, like...

Two times that! Perhaps if we can get them all to stand in a line and just come at him one at a time. I mean, we're on a bridge! We're not walking 50 straight at us, probably! We're as in an alleyway as we can possibly be! No, I mean, they're gonna have the Atreides war bag pops and play "Who are you?" the proud man said. "Wicked Red Wedding" 'til you get in! Can you punch an arrow?! They've got bows and arrows! Hmm.

I will say, for what it's worth, you did see him raise his arm and stop all of the Harrengan that are atop Riggan's Tollway from descending. It clearly looks like he's ready to challenge you should you feel you're up to the challenge. And he is with four Harrengan in total.

Tile by combat. Toll by combat. What? Did you hear that? We decree toll by combat. Is that a thing? As was decreed, yes. These weaklings think that they can challenge me. Agdon Lostoff, brigand prince of Prismir. All of the haranguans begin to cheer and chant, Agdon, Agdon, Agdon. Did that work?

If that is what you require, then Agdon will provide. They all clap and cheer. He attempts to swish his scarf around his neck and it spins and spins and spins. And then he flips it the other way and it furls out behind him. He raises his brand up into the air and you watch as it pops the embers burning hot as he looks out at you. This guy's a jack. Musa...

Which will be you. Becomes king. Becomes a new brigand prince of Brigand's Tollway. Because Agdon never loses. Agdon has someone special on his side. And you see as the the Harangans all kind of shirk away and kind of look this way and that, almost as if they know what he's talking about, but it's unspoken.

You say the loser becomes the prince, is that? Winner. All we gotta do is lose? The winner. Well... I just misspoke. We never back down from a challenge, and I'm the bravest goblin you've ever known. I'll select Gideon as my champion to fight. That's how that works, right? There will be no champion. No. Add Dinlongscarf and his...

Four companions, for that's all I need. Oh. We'll challenge all of you. Fair fight. Including the little one. Oh. He points at Twig. And me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I gotta fight? No, look, there's five of you and there can be five of us. And I pointed at the five of us. Yeah, and Hoochie stays out of it. Yeah, she's not part of this, man. Those odds are much too low.

Agdon Longscarf will destroy all of his foes, and that includes the little ones. You ready for this, Twig? Yeah! You gotta get angry! I am! You gotta get mean! But if I get really angry, I become a booger, and then you don't wanna know

Oh, we would, especially if you eviscerated that rabbit guard. I would eviscerate you, too. Oh, that's less. My bugger knows not friend from foe. Oh, it's a little bit of danger. That's exciting. Well, we might need that, so keep it in your back pocket. Okay. Roll for initiative. Yay!

- Let's go! - I cast kill all the rabbits. - I'm gonna call customer service here. - 18. - Return my love. - Also 18. - Well, that's not the total. - I also-- - Oh, you rolled an 18. - Oh, okay, I got a total of 18. - I got a total of 18. - Let's go fucking 20. - So, lair is just the haranguans.

You mean hair. Thanks. It was intentional. You guys are all grouped up. He is in front of you. By himself. They're here. He's here.

And then on either side of you, there are two Harangans that are each in a skiff. So there's two skiffs, one on either side, two Harangans in each. So there's no melee fighters on the board except him. There are two melee fighters, but they're in skiffs. Oh, okay. So in the skiffs, you see each skiff has a melee fighter, a guy who's cracking his knuckles, as well as an archer or a sniper, as it were.

20 to 25. 24. 22. 22, 22. I'm doing a little math here one moment. I need to figure out what I'm going to do for you. Exactly, exactly. 15 to 20. We both got 18s. Did you decide if you'd like to go first or me? I'll let you go first. You sure? Yeah, I think so. Who's going first? Torbjorn. That's all I need to know.

It's clearly Cromwell. Are we at the end with 18? That's crazy. I mean, they are a bunch of rabbit folk. So, Haringons have something called Hair Trigger, which gives them additional... Gotta go fast. And Twitch just rolled really high, so...

With that, Agden smiles, his pearly white teeth glinting in the light of his brand as he jumps forward.

Who is directly in front of him? Me. Oh, jeez. Who's leading the way, though? I think it's Gideon. Frost and Gideon, I think. Yeah, Frost was leading the way, for sure. Oh, no, he was facing Mei, so he was... Well, he was all over the place. You can leave it. I don't even know who I am. I don't know who I am either. I'm going to take this one. Just tell me which midi I am. Oh, you can be Rodak. Okay.

That's fine. Is that this one? Yeah. I think it's the squat one. I'll meet Jorgram. Can you move this for me? Oh yeah, sorry. You were Jorgram last time. Okay. Yeah, it all makes sense. Yowza. All right. Let's see if I remember how to play this character. That's very exciting. Agdon moves forward towards you, Kremi. He leaps forward.

a standing leap directly towards you as he waves his brand in the air and he brings it in towards a piece of your exposed flesh, attempting to press the brand into your skin. He is going to roll to attack on that. - It'll only hurt for a second before your nerves die. - Does 14 hit? - No. - Wow. - He waves it around quickly and goes in for a second brand. - Oh my god, you gonna fight with that thing?

Does a 20 hit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You feel the brand sear into your skin. The smell of burnt flesh assails your nostrils as the wound pangs with a fiery heat, doing... And something awakens within you. Ah!

- Doing 12 points of fire damage. - Oh my God. - You feel the brand take hold on your skin.

The brand itself is clearly magical, and now that you've been marked, you watch as Agdon smiles at you and winks as he disappears from view. Oh shit. My brain is saying what to don't. My heart is saying what to do. That's pretty funny. He disappears? Pretty good. You can see him just fine. Oh shit. But my body. Oh, he flippity-flopped his brain? Mm-hmm. Huh?

He flippity flop? He becomes a miserable deer. Oh, no. Where the fuck do you go?

Shit. Frost? Mm. Did someone say beans or breakfast? Or my fucking legs? Actually, immediately after, he looks towards-- who's next to Crummy? I am and Gricko is, I think. And I'm right behind him. And Frost is behind him. Gricko, he is going to look towards you. You're within five feet of him.

- In front of him? - Is there anybody who's within five feet of Agden? - Just me. - Just you. - Yeah. - Okay, he'll do it on you. I need you to make a sleight of hand check, please. - Me? - Yep. - Oh. - What the heck? - You're about to lose your hat.

Sleight of hand. That'd be crazy if he just starts robbing us. Oh, what? Oh, sorry, you don't make a sleight of hand, you make a perception check. Oh, yeah, it's probably a contest against his sleight of hand. I guess I'll keep that roll.

Ten. Oh wait, no no no, not ten. Twist it. It was a nine. Twist it. Plus one twist. We have a lot of twists. Yeah, we did a lot of twists this session already. Great, you're gonna get the forehead flap. That's better. That's a 19. You feel the weight of something.

Against your leg. That sounds so good. Oh, Jesus! So really. This is a fight, Agnid! It becomes very clear that he tried to pilfer one of your possessions, but was unsuccessful. Trying to pilfer my possessions or my heart? That's not my brand! My brand!

Frost. I see this all happen very quickly in front of me. Grammy, watch out. I'm...

I'm gonna try to do better this time and I'll focus my hands together and you'll see swirling energies, greens and purples all start to mix and interchange and I'll double the orbs in my hands into two orbs and then launch one at Agden and then launch another to my side at, did we make any distinctions between these four? Are they all identical? You can just say boat one and boat two. I'll make another attack against one. Boat one is the...

One closest to Gideon. Okay, vote one. I'll throw it into... They'll just leave my hands. They're levitating there and they'll just go in the direction that I think of as I make my first attack against Agdon. That's going to be a 24 to hit. That hits. Okay. That's going to be... Damn, really low. Six points of lightning damage.

And I will do the same against one of the creatures in, one of the Harangon in boat one. And that's going to be a 14 to hit. That hits. Their AC is 14. Outstanding. 12, additionally lightning damage. 12? Yeah, 12 goes to the other. You pick which one. You have melee fighter and sniper in that boat.

Sniper. You fire this, or you launch this orb towards Agdon, and he rears back as he takes the hit to his chest, but he rights himself very quickly, moving with lightning speed, seemingly taking the full amount of damage. He wipes the spit off of his face, and he looks at you, his eyes narrow, and he looks like he is coming for you next.

as you turn your attention towards boat one and you hurl an orb in that direction, quickly making a choice. Your eyes make their way to the melee fighter, but you switch over realizing that the danger that a sniper holds

and you launch the orb towards them. And just as quickly as he is hit with it, he reels backwards out of the boat and you see the life leave his eyes as his body plummets into the murky water around the skiff.

A moment of quick silence as a loud gasp erupts from the top of the tree stump. All of the Harangans are shocked to see such power in this moment, and they begin to mutter as they all lower themselves down and watch with bated breath, none of them making any effort at all to intervene. Careful, Agdon, this could go a lot worse than you think.

Which one's dead? Yeah, we have to take one off there. Which boat was it? It was a sniper. Alright, yeah. No, Rhett. Rhett's out of here. Crick up. I am going to...

Are these herring gone medium or small creatures? Would I know? They're medium. They're medium. I am going to look at Kremi as I pull out my owl ocarina and I will say, I'll play a little jaunty tune as I give you a healing word as a bonus action.

Nice. And then I am going to... You know what I'm just going to do anyway? I am going to continue to play...

And I will leap forward as I transform into a small spiritual froggy myth. This large three eyed tentacled creature with the stat block of a giant frog. And I'm going to leap towards the one of the Herring gone and try to basically attack it while I'm falling or basically just try to grab it with my tongue while I'm falling.

What do you mean, while you're falling? He's like leaping off the bridge to get to the boat. The water is basically level with the... Then what I'm going to do is I'll basically just leap forward and attack him. In my description, I mentioned how the water rose and the boats came up with it. So you could easily step onto the boats. I'm going to jump onto the boat and see if I can get him. Which one?

- Two. - Pug. - Vote one or two. - Vote two. - Is it the sniper or the melee? - Melee. That is an 11. - To hit? - Yeah. - That misses. - Okay. I'm a frog though.

You watch as Griggo's body begins to change as it undulates and shifts and where this goblin body had been is now the form of a minuscule frogginess.

much smaller than what a froggy myth should be, but a froggy myth nonetheless, as Gricko hops onto one of the skiffs and makes an attack towards one of the Herringon, unfortunately slipping on some of the moss that covers the side of the skiff, but he is nonetheless in combat range with them. As Twig,

looks out from behind Torbec's head, starts to climb down rather quickly and dexterously as she looks this way and that and sees the situation that Gricko has found himself in, caught between two of these Harangon. And she closes her eyes and waves her hand, and she casts Sleep.

on the Harringon in the boat. Nice. How much did I heal? Oh, all of a sudden you roll up. Actually, I cannot heal you because that puts a bonus action to Wildshade. That's fine. You don't get any healing. I don't know why I thought I could do both. Why are you not telling me how many? D&D Beyond, what the hell? D&D Beyond.

Gosh. Gosh. Dungeon, you have to use the full name when you're mad. Dungeons and Dragons Beyond. It is literally not telling me how many dice to roll. Oh, no, there it is. Sorry, my bad. First look. They're Bolton. Okay.

Okay. Both of the Heron-Gon immediately get kind of woozy as their eyes focus down on Gricko's minuscule form and they both fall unconscious in the boat. Gricko, you are unaffected by the sleep. Wrong. Because it starts with lowest hit points. I'm going to look at the frog. I'm

I mean the rabbits. Ah, ah, did I do good? Did I do... Good job. Well done. That's what Gungor's role is right now. Keep going, keep going. You're doing great, Twiggy. The, um...

The Harangon that's left looks towards you, Frost, seeing that you have injured their brigand prince. It is the melee fighter, and he is going to use his leap as he jumps out of the skiff. Is there a way for him to be next to, within five foot range of you, but also next to Agdon?

- No. - Not Frost. - You could get to Frost, me and Torbek. - But not also Agden. - Or you could get to Agden, Kremi, Torbek, not Frost. - Okay, he's gonna go for Frost. - Or in this, if you can jump like over. - He has 20 feet of jump. - Well, is this legit, like here? - I would say he's gonna go for Frost. If he can't get it easily, he is just gonna jump towards Frost.

Okay, I'd say that's it. I don't know if you guys got better at anything than this. You see as he jumps towards you, he continues to crack his knuckles, but he reaches behind his back and pulls out a very large club that he spins around and he's going to attempt to knock you unconscious with his club. You're some nasty-ass rabbits. Does an 18 hit? It does. All right. Oh no.

Eight points of bludgeoning damage as he smacks you with the club. Ow. Hurt.

I would like to react. I would like to react to that. Okay. As he comes in with the club and it's clear he's about to hit frost, I would like to thematically ignite into a flame form, have my manacles kick in. As they were and twist and come to life, you would see on its heat gauge that it would kick into gear one.

- Nice. - And the chains will immediately whip out, grab the end of the club and redirect it to hit Agdon. - Hell yeah. - And that just happens? - That just happens. - Okay. - Does Agdon need to be-- - Does Agdon need to be next to him? - Nope. - No? - No, it's when in 30 feet of the attacker.

I don't think so. Yeah, because it's chains. So why couldn't the chains whip the club? When a creature can see within 30 feet, use your reaction to see if it's a different creature other than the attacker within 30 feet of you to become the target of the attack. The target of the attack. But the target of the attack, it's up to you. Yeah. I think it's cool if it's not specified that it's within. It just picks the club up

He makes a sort of waxing and then brings the club back to the Harren guy. So it retains the same attack roll, so it also depends on what his-- What was the attack roll? It was 18, yeah? You could end up missing Agden. Was it 18? Using the same roll. Do you challenge? It was 18. Okay, it will miss then. Wow. But you still save the damage, which is awesome. But you don't take the damage. Yeah.

- He's fast. - That is very cool. You watch his acting very easily. He's not even looking, but

but as the fiery chains burning a similar ember color to the brand that Agdon holds himself as it whips towards him incredibly quickly, catching everyone else off guard. Agdon, like the speed of lightning moves out of the way, just a smidge, the tiniest amount to avoid being hit. - Oh, that speed! - And you hear a chuckle deep in his throat as he seems to be enjoying this.

Well done, Gideon. Thank you. I do not take the damage? You do not take the damage. Huh? Niggity dog. Um,

- Okay, as soon as violence breaks out, automatically without Torbek's knowledge, the equipment in his back begins to hum and glow and whir. The plungers drop, his eyes turn magenta, and I'll use a bonus action to consume a mutagen, which will increase my dexterity plus three beyond the maximum, if that's the case. You hear the cracking of bones and the twisting of flesh as his arms and limbs begin to grow.

There's this hideous snarl smile that appears on his face and he breathes deep. Oh, it feels so good to be free. And I will use my action to use Living Needles and shoot a five lust-like fingers at Agdon. And I need him to make a DC 14 strength saving throw. Holy shit. So...

This is the thematic-- No, dude! Come on! This is the thematic equivalent of the Woodland Critter Christmas of them trying to fight and then Santa coming with a shotgun. I am gonna use a Twist of Dread. Okay. He will pass. He very deftly gets out of the way of the needles, and that is Torbek's entire turn.

- Well done, Torbjorn. Good, good, good, good shot. - You watch as he is able to move out of the way of the needles, but you see a look of confusion and shock and fear as he looks at you and then his eyes move up to the contraption on your back as the realization hits.

that what is powering you is clearly Witchlight. Oh, he knows. And for the first time, you see the mask crack and pure fear appear on his face. There is something about you, Torbek, that absolutely terrifies him. Gas, gas, gas, gas, it's happening again! What the hell?

- Where, so in, if I'm right here, in this map, I guess we just like quickly did it. If he's here, where in relation is the stump? - The stump is about 20 feet away. - And what, like this away, this away? Like he's in between us and the stump? - I can't see over the DM screen to be quite honest with you. Let's just say it's 20 feet away, you can't get to it and yeah.

I would like to go here. If I could. Can I stand here? Yeah. Excuse me, kitty. If it's 20 feet behind him... I would say it's behind him, yeah. Okay, behind him. As...

I ignite in my flame form, I heat up the flaming and die down and pool into my manacles. I've entered gear one for my ability before. And I'd like to say to Agden, you know what's funny? You know what wood does?

It burns real good. And I'd like to cast Burning Hands out in a 15-foot cone. And it will ignite all of the wood beyond him and stretching out towards his stump kingdom. Okay. If it'll ignite. It has to be ignitable. Not my stump kingdom. And it's just a deck save.

My stump kingdom, no! No! I just took a stump in my pants! Jesus. What, man? I just refurbished the kitchen of my stump kingdom. So I would punch out with my fist, not even attempting to connect with him, but just out of the manacle would blast forth like a shotgun blast of fire. 22?

- Oh, that'll pass, it'll pass. So-- - And he's gonna use evasion, so he'll take no damage. - Okay, well. - And you're gonna really hate me, but this is all waterlogged wood, so it would not catch fire the way that you hope it would. As you ignite past him, he lets out a hearty laugh. Clearly, clearly in,

provocation to you as he mutters under his breath, idiot.

Well, shit, guys, I'm going to account for the fact that it's all fucking wet. We're in a swamp. Listen, I didn't think this thing's always existed above the waterline as far as we can tell. Who knew it was wet up here? How is that to assume? I've been writing a module where it's like the wood is very waterlogged. It's not going to catch on fire or spread fire. I'm like, oh, this is not going to work. LAUGHTER

I'm fucking action surgeon. I run up and I try and punch him in his stupid rabbit.

Oh, that's good. It's like punching a medicine ball. Yeah. Oh, I miss. I think it's a 17. Do you get twisted? I think you... I'll twist it. You know what I mean? This guy's clowning us. It's not like you can have a world of robs. Yeah, it wasn't meant to be. You rush up. You...

You feel yourself filled with anger as he mocks you. And you...

you muster up enough energy for a final attack as you rush forward and attempt to punch into him. But the wood is wet and it is slick and you stumble on a mossy patch and you, you swipe, you punch in, but he moves slightly to the side and lets out a hearty laugh. The Harongon that are all around Brigham's Tollway at the top, on top of the stump, all begin to roar with laughter as they watch you miss.

and you hear as they all begin to mutter and joke and pick fun at you. Well, it would have worked if you'd cleaned the fucking place up, Agnan. It's a dump. Take care of your stupid gangway. You got rot right there. Fucking hate these guys. Pronounce it dump. Do I... Would I notice that the voice I heard from Torbeck

It seemed like a different Torbek than what I would know. I would say absolutely. But Torbek is...seems like he's not focused on us. He's focused on the rabbits. For now. Yes, I very clearly went after...he very clearly went after Wollstone.

Torbek and Twigsy are gonna be hanging together to take us down. All right, Torbek, thanks for saving my life earlier. I really appreciate it. You're the best. Let's get these guys. You're my favorite employee, Torbek. Employee of the month. Do I see, is Agon still invisible to me? Yes. Ooh. Um...

- He did taunt, who did he taunt? - He taunted Gideon. - Do I get a sense of where he might have been? - You see where everybody has been attacking him, but you are unable to see him or perceive him in any way. So he is invisible to you. - All right. - You will be at disadvantage.

Two can play that game. I don't know where the fuck you are. We're gonna try this. I'm just gonna take my cane, and it's gonna sort of glow with this kind of eerie neon magic, and I'm just gonna sort of swing wildly where I think he is and attack at his advantage and cast Inflict Wounds.

- Oh, I rolled a natural one. - Oh no! - So that doesn't hit. - Well, what is your bonus? - Let's spice things up. - Yeah, if I just keep going forward. - I'm gonna use a Twist of Dread on that in a new way. I need you to roll a d6 for me, please.

- Oh no! - That can't be good. - Oh, it's a hit one on one. - Oh, you got the forehead flap. - You spin around and you let out this magical ability. Do you have to roll to hit?

- This is, yeah. - Oh, that was it. - Yeah, I rolled a one. - Yeah, so you rolled a one. You fired off haphazardly as you are horrified of what's happening to Torbek. Agdon has now disappeared and you let this magic fly as Twig looks towards Torbek. Torbek was, what the fuck, Freddy? And you hit Twig square in the body.

doing how much damage? Oh, no twig! And you hear, the second it connects with her skin, you hear this ominous jazz as this dark shadow almost leeches from her essence. Oh my god.

And she feels, she almost starts to wither. She might. I mean, it was a second level inflict wound. Whoa! Oh shit! Twig's gonna boggart and just fucking-- Bravo, Niki! I love you so much! That was pretty good. I love that shit. Critical failure, I love it. You killed Twig.

- I'm gonna be so unhappy. - For the foreseeable future, we are changing twists and dreads. So I'm trying this out this session. But for the foreseeable future, I can use a dread to natty fumble. - Sorry. - At your discretion. - At my discretion, yeah. - Yeah, because otherwise it's like difficult to deal with. - Because like if you natural one on something, I personally feel like your character should be able to exceed

succeed with, with your like, your super dextrous. So a plus 13 makes it a plus 14. Yeah, you should easily be able to do that. I'm not going to natty one. Well, also Gideon is going to have like 14 attacks by the end of this session or this campaign. So like he's definitely going to roll 14 natural ones at some point. Yeah, at the same time. And

And you know what happens to four heads in those situations. Fuck off, Derek. I just grab the chain and I start swinging it in a circle. And everyone, oh, oh, oh! Frost will look down at Gricko and say, do you see how Grimmy hit her in the body? Oh, wow.

24 necrotic damage. Oh my god! That spell is nasty. Yeah, I love that spell. You watch as Twig is hit with this magic and you see her eyes begin to roll back in her head.

entire body is illuminated with this sickly green magic. As all of a sudden, her flesh begins to shift and change as her cheeks sink in and you can see her cheekbones stand out. Her body begins to look frail and sapped of all vitality. And she begins to wither in front of you. She crumples to the ground and gasps out for breath. Crummy!

- Why? - She is barely hanging on. - I'm sorry, oh god, I didn't mean to do that!

Holy shit. That's it. That's all I say. I only have like two seconds. No, that's fair. It is Acton's turn. Acton looks at all of-- Oh, actually, how does that affect? Doesn't affect it at all. So her sleep is still holding strong, 'cause it's not concentration. Right.

Agdon looks around and his eyes dart to you, Frost, and he quickly leaps behind you. You don't want this action, Agdon. And he is going to, he swings around with his brand and attempts to sear it into your skin with an 18. That hits. No, fuck that. I'm going to cast Shield.

- Oh. - Okay. He is going to-- - As soon as I lose sight of him, I surround myself with a psionic bubble that protects my essence a little bit better than my normal. - His brand bounces off of the mind prison that surrounds you, the energy shell that you've created.

And he is not deterred as he once again swings in with the brand, aiming for the exact same spot he hit, hoping to be able to pierce through it. - Okay, DC's 21 now. - Okay, well he's going to hit with a 24. - 22, sorry.

Sorry, Dungeon Master! 17 plus 7 is 24. That's a lot. I know. No, we're good. It's a 22. I said that. And he is going to pierce in with his branding iron, doing...

12 points of fire damage and just as he does as he pierces through you watch as he hits the shield with the branding iron and he continues to push it through and as the hot magical branding iron hits the shield you begin to see it melt as the brand pierces through and directly into your flesh and as it sears you and you rear back he smiles at you and winks as he disappears from view wow

And that is his turn. Frost. Dear God. You may be blind to me now, Agdon, but that doesn't mean I can't find you with my mind. You've seen what my friends are capable of. You know what is going to happen. Stand down. Or my friend Torbeck here, my friend Gideon, Kremi,

Rico, too. That's the worst. Rico is the worst. This won't end well for you, and you'll have failed in front of all of your companions. Stand down. I'm going to cast...

Dissonant Whispers. Oh, nice. Those words start to echo and elaborate, and this doubt grows in his mind as it clouds. He needs to make a Wisdom saving throw, and I apparently don't need to see the creature that I'm doing this to, so I just say that out loud. And on a failed save, he's going to DC Wisdom saving throw 15.

That's pretty cool. Unless you want to eat some Twisted Bread, or... Either that or he's going to twist a Fled. Anything else? What does it do? Oh, he takes 3d6 psychic damage, and this is my favorite part. He uses his reaction to move his maximum speed away from me. Oh, fuck. I'm going to Twist of Dread it. Yeah.

Holy fuck. He said wisdom? Yeah, 15. 22. All right, all right. He still takes half damage, right? The creature... Yes, he takes half as much damage, so he will still take psychic damage as he attempts to resist my... He uses reaction to uncanny dodge. Can he do that? No, it's just... It's an attack. Yeah, it's just...

All it says is that Acton has the damage that he takes from an attack that hits him. It's not an attack, it's not an attack that's hitting, it's a saving throw. Oh, okay, okay, okay, that's fair. Eight points of psychic damage. Burning Angel wasn't an attack either. That's half of 16. He didn't uncanny dodge, he evaded. Oh, got it.

You do not have to move away, however, as I attempt to infiltrate his mind with these sinister thoughts. You are able to do that. The psychic damage causes him to let out a howl of pain. All of the hand gone atop Brigham's Tollway of...

look down in shock, seeing their brigand prince scream out like this. The mask he wears of his confidence and his ability to withstand anything, to be above everything, unable to be hit super quick. All of that begins to crack as they see that you are able to harm him. And you see as...

They begin to mutter and whisper to each other, sowing doubt in their minds about their prince as he lets out this yell. Even gods can bleed. I mean, some. That's much better. I'll stay where I am. No bonus action. No, no. So Agdon's right there. Don't forget Twig's also there.

Joey is missing 95% of her soul. But I see... I see what Agdon is doing, correct? Yeah. I'm going to look and go... I'm going to talk over to him and you're going to hear...

as I'm going to grow into a large six-legged crocodile. Oh! And attempt to spectral crocodile and attempt to chomp on to Agdon. As you can wild shape from form to form as long as you expend the action. Nice. Oh.

Wow, that's cool! I had to let Scott up. Yeah, that's sick. You could just drop it and then, you know, do it again, but it's cooler to go from beast to beast. Yeah, I think that's fair. It's like you bind the wild shapes in, whatchacallit. I'm going to make a bite attack against... I'm gonna twist this. Yeah. This die is not very cooperative. I'm gonna do one more twist.

I probably shouldn't have done the crocodile. It's okay, we need a Gricko head here. That looks big. 22. Nice. Oh! Chomp him. As the spectral crocolisk with tendrils on its face will lunge forward and chomp its jaws, I am going to deal a bit of damage here.

As... Wait, is this? Oh no. This is not the right one. Whoops. Sorry, I didn't look at the right. We established the 22 hits. 22 hits, yeah, for sure. I think my guess is Az's 20. 19 doesn't hit? I like doing my thing. I think we landed an 18 and it didn't hit. Maybe it was a 17. 18 didn't hit for sure. I deal 11 points of piercing damage.

And he is now grappled.

He is going to, he can reaction this one, yeah? Yes. So he's going to reaction this and you'll do five points of damage. How do you like them grapples? As he uncanny dodges and he doesn't take, you sink your teeth into him and instead of getting the full amount of teeth, you only get a few. Get him in his paw. And the grapple, the grapple is, he's still grappled, correct? Yeah. Does that give Torbjorn great damage?

It does. Oh, no, that's a strike. It's a grapple. I think they're both at this point. Actually, to grapple him, you do have to make an athletics check. Oh, is this part of the attack? Yes, but to grapple him, you have to make an athletics check.

It is part of Agdon's camp. Oh, because he's so slippery. Oh, so even if it is an attack. Even if it's part of your attack. To grapple him at all. Athletics. To pin him down, you have to make a successful DC athletics check. Go for the forehead. Go for his mind. It's been weakened already. Athletics, you say? That's incredible. 21. That is enough. So yes, you are able to grapple him.

With him in my jaws, I'm on this large crocodile creature. I am going to feel the water under my tail, and I'm going to basically try to slide into the water and pull underneath. Okay. Oh my god! This is classic crocodile versus rabbit. I've said this on the Sci-Fi Channel at least 20 times. I watched a lot

Are you doing this on your turn? Yeah, I'm doing it. Oh, fuck yeah. So I'm pulling him in, so I have, I've used five feet to get here, and so I have 25 feet of swim, which then is halved, rounded down, so I can go 10 feet underwater. 10 feet underwater. Oh, that's perfect. You drag him 10 feet underwater? I have a,

in my jaw, so this spectral crocodile 10 feet underwater as I'm swimming down. The other heregon are watching this, they're like, "You know, his scarf wasn't that long." "I mean, he really wasn't that good a prince, everybody." Yeah, we just pack it in. It is Twig's turn. I'm death rolling. Yeah, you're contractually out. Twig grasps at her chest and attempts to breathe.

her eyes swim and she is barely holding herself up but that is literally all she can do oh my god actually what she will do is she'll look towards she'll look towards one of the one of the hair and gone the sniper and she'll go you could

snipe two for my friends and she's going to let out her eldritch blast at this one just knowing that if she were to go unconscious that she wouldn't be able to help anymore hmm

And so she is going to... She's good. I took the Eldritch Invocation spell, Sniper! The feat! She will hit, and she is going to do a total of...

Okay. The Harangon's head is gone. 14 points of damage. Yeah, he's fucking-- And you watch as the, in a puff of green fog, this Harangon is blasted by her strange swampy magics, and he is completely torn limb from limb. Oh, right through the crunch.

From that angle? Both of the snipers have been removed from combat. Oh! My crotch! Dwayne commits a war cry. All other Harangana looking down. You know, his crotch wasn't that long anyway. I was sleeping!

Okay, he doesn't pay his way. Yeah, he dies. She's got a roll at disadvantage. It's fine. The other one was a natural. Oh my god! Because he is technically prone. So wait, it's just to make sure. There should be one asleep and there is one

melee guy. The robot. The dandy. The melee guy is next to Frost and Torbek.

The other one is in the Bodas League. So the only people who are next to the melee one are Frost and Torbjorn. Correct. Owing isn't there in any capacity. That's Twig. She's over here. She's here. She would be close to Kreming, so she would be over here somewhere. That's fine.

Is she in range? Of what? No. No, no, no. She's not. No matter how you slice it. Okay, just making sure. You can't do it! You can't do it! But Frost is? Oh, yeah, Frost is for sure. Frost definitely is. I'm still shielding. He looks around. He seizes this slumped over emaciated twig, blows his friend to smithereens. He looks up to... He looks over as...

Agdon is pulled. What on earth is this?

I hope it's Hellboy. Hellboy! Classic. That's vintage advantage. He looks over as Agdon is pulled by the spectral crocodile into the fetid swamp. He looks up at Torbek as witchlight is being pumped into his body. His needle-like claws are reaching out. And then he turns to Frost.

And he goes, and he takes his club and he swings it around. And he rolls an attack against you with a natural one. Oh, you almost had me. You know what? I'm going to use twist because I want to. I don't like natural ones.

Dude, that's the point of a Triss of Dread. You got a lot of them. You love rolling 18s on me tonight. I'll get my hit points out. It's 14 plus four. Yeah, that's fine. Does it work? Yeah. Perfect. Yeah, yeah. I've had an AC 17 except for the shield this whole night. I'm not going to memorize that. And it's been like 18, 18, 18, 18. I'm like, that's one more than I want. Ten points of bludgeoning damage. Two more, two more. Thank you.

"Oh, I'm not feeling very well, gentlemen." I'm rolling like hot fire. And that's his turn. Okay. I believe that Nightmare Torbek is up. Dark Torbek. Shadow Torbek. There's absolutely chaos happening. The inflicted wounds, people getting blown to bits. Torbek does not seem to give a shit at all about any of this. He hears Kremi's comment and looks him directly in the eye and says,

You fucking think I'm Torbjörn!

and moves to where he saw the crocodile slink back into the water. I'm gonna go right here. I've got plenty of movement. As he approaches the edge of the dock, he kind of gargoyles and his unnaturally long legs go up past his ears and he's got one arm on the edge of the dock. He lifts up his other arm and the flesh begins to undulate and those needle fingers turn into like knife hands and it almost had like a glistening,

poison on them, like a magenta poison. I will take 1d4 damage. Liquid Witchlight. Yes, I will take two points of damage to do this. I'm using my Witchlight right. That's so scary. He's like a fucking Asian fishing cat. And then with lightning speed, I will make a melee attack straight into the water. Like you're spearfishing. That's going to be a 22 to hit. That does hit.

- Looks like Agnen's back on the menu. - We're about to end this whole man's career. - That's gonna be four poison damage plus 11, I don't know, piercing damage, slashing damage, whatever you want it to be. So that's gonna be 15 total points of damage. - Damn! - Yeah, and I will say he cannot uncanny dodge because I don't think he would be able to see you.

I'm pulling him into the-- You rip the tendrils out and blood splurges into the air as you pull back. You do this and you reach your hand in and you pierce into flesh and in this moment, you don't know whether it's spectral crocodile flesh or a herring gone flesh, but it matters neither way.

as long as the end result is the death of your prey. And as you pull your hand from the water, the fetid swamp drips mixed with blood and attached to one of your long gnarled fingernails is a scrap of blue scarf. - That's Mulder.

Gideon. I say in crocodile, let's go! You're fucking dragging me to the depths. Oh, fuck. If I wasn't so scared, that'd be so cool! Can I move past my team? Is that fine? If I get here? That's alright, right? Yeah. If I just jump this way? Alright. Step aside, step aside. Pardon me. Excuse me. Um...

I come over for this melee guy because I'm thinking Agdon's not getting past a special crocodile dragging him to hell. And even if he gets out of it, there's a door back dragging him back to hell. So I'm going for this melee rabbit. And I will... 24. That hits. Okay. You check. Um...

So it'll be seven points of damage. And as I punch into him, the heat will become a little stronger for my body. And if you could see it, you'll see the heat gauge kick into gear too. And the chains will once again, war to life and attempt to wrap around this melee rabbit. And that...

It has to make a strength saving throw. DC 14. He's rocking the chains. Oh, and also... He fails. So the chains spring to life and wrap around him and squeeze tightly and begin to burn. What is the save? I mean, I rolled a seven, so I don't think it's... Oh, it's a 14. Yeah, no, he fails. And also...

Wow, just one additional point of damage and he'll take 2d6 fire. Yeah, one additional point of fire damage. So if he's wet. And then 2d6 of damage, I think on his turn. Oh, no, no, no. He'll take 2d6 now and then he'll take two. Wait, let me show you this, right?

He doesn't take any of the fire damage because he's waterlogged. So the attack using a weapon takes an extra 2d6 and then it must make a strike saving throw. So he'll take 2d6 now and then 2d6 every turn. 12 points of fire damage. You look down as Torbek pulls his arm from the water and

you realize that the situation is covered between Gricko and Torbek. As you turn towards the Harrengan that's now making his way over to the slumped body of Twig,

and you whip your chain up, and all of you can feel the heat emanating from these chains as they begin to hum and vibrate, and you see the mechanical contraption switch into gear, too, as you whip your chain around, and like a hot knife slicing through butter, your chains completely sever the hair and gonin, too.

I look up at the stump and I say, why don't the rest of you come down here? Because we're just getting warmed up. Oh, yeah. And he says, my crotch again? I wasn't aiming to cut him through the waist, but it just happens. I will run up to Twig and I'll just take a quick look. How's she looking? Crummy.

I'm sorry. It was an accident. I think everything's handled. Just in case. All of me hurt. You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay, all right? Just lay there. For me? Good adventure. You're a wonderful adventure. Can I help? I'm going to keep you real safe, all right? Okay.

Okay. Her glasses are cracked and falling off of her face. I am gonna put my hand on her and this sort of shadow will appear around my hand and will kind of blanket her. I cast inflict wounds. I don't feel so good, Mr. Krammy. It's so good to be a woman here. Uh.

I would like to cast invisibility on her. Oh, nice. The shadow will kind of just make her disappear. Well done. And if I could...

If it would take an action, then fine. But if I could use my free object interaction and pick her up... She's easy enough to pick up for a free object interaction. I'm going to turn to Hootsie, because I guess you're... I'm going to lay her down almost under Hootsie, and I'll say, Just don't move, don't do anything, don't cast any spells. You watch as Hootsie, a soft...

autumnal orange light glows in Hootsie's eyes and you can tell that she can see Twig even through this invisibility and she slowly moves over Twig and like a mother bear she nestles her in her arms and she's clearly protecting her. She's got a taste for hot draw jokes. I smell hot!

- What Jones is? - I'm such a- - I'm a Dora Walnut. - You're a pizza stick. - This goes straight to my thigh. - I'm ruined.

I'm ruined. Oh no, she's especially pissed because, like, oh, I'm such a good father, they're coming to, like, Hootsie, and she has an iPad and headphones. LAUGHTER

And then she's like, ooh, Twiggy Pudding. Our sponsor for the night, Raid Shadow. Oh, I'm a good dad, aren't I? I'm here to continue fucking our band, go away. That's wonderful. All right, Twig, no text, and just don't do anything. Just leave that right there, you understand? Okay, Crummy. I think I'm gonna close my eyes.

and get some sleep. - All right, get some rest, Hootsie, just keep us safe, and I'm gonna give Hootsie a scratch, and I'll just sort of stand up and sort of try to like, you know, block her from any potential arrows coming in. - And you noticed as you, 'cause I'm an awful person, you noticed as you picked her up that her body felt very frail, and that one wrong move and you could snap her in half like a twig. - Bird bones. - No pun intended! - I'm very gentle.

- Osteoporosis. - Mr. Bones was here. - Anyway, that's my turn. - I love that guy. - It's Agdon's turn.

Yeah, good luck, bitch. What options does he have to get out of your--? It's an escape DC. I think it's low, like a 12. So he just needs to roll an acrobatics. He would have to use his action to make an acrobatics check or athletic check, right, because he's an acrobatics, in order to wriggle his way free. I'm gonna use a twist. Let me confirm that the DC is actually a 12 and not lower.

Thank you, chat, for doing your best to save this weak rabbit. I would love to see Agni get drowned in a death roll. There's no better way for this to go. What's the DC? Oh, sorry. I was 12. I thought you had already crossed 12, yeah. Yeah, he rolled a natural 15 plus 7. He, with a 22, he...

He is in your jaws, but he wiggles his body around. He lets out a gurgling yelp.

as your teeth sink deeper into his flesh, but he anchors his feet at the very back of your throat and kicks off. As you choke and sputter, he is able to propel himself out of your jaws and into the dark, murky waters, and you immediately lose sight of him. As his feet hit my head, I go... LAUGHTER

He used the uvula, the uvula like a springboard. It's all about that uvula. You immediately feel one pound lighter. Me? How many pounds? One pound. One pound lighter? We took him on two middle legs. I just got four now.

Is he still underwater? As far as the rest of you can tell. He hasn't surfaced. Okay. Do I see him? No. The water is far too murky, and the moment he propels out of your mouth, he is... He's gone in the dark. That makes sense. Frost?

There's still one sleeping here. I'm in a war crime. Incredible. I reach out with my mind to see if I can still communicate with this unseen Agdon. And do I get a connection? Yes. Agdon, reveal yourself to me.

We don't have to end this in any more violence. If you reveal yourself to me so I can see you, I can save you now. Just let me bring you back up to the surface.

I look into the water, and I will prepare to cast Vortex Warp to bring him safely up to the boardwalk. How does that work? It allows me to teleport him to a safe surface. Yeah. Effectively, a forced Misty Step, where I would be able to bring him up. And I am promising Sanctuary with my feelings and my money. And you can do that without... With a second-level spell, but only if I can see his physical form.

He's invisible to you. Exactly. If he can drop that... He's readying it. He cannot. I still am making the ask, and when he doesn't say anything, I'm not taking any more actions. I will... I'll hold a Mind Sliver in case anyone attacks me. Okay. And that's all I'll do with my turn. Okay. You watch, and you see bubbling in the water for a second. Okay.

But then you see the head of a frog, just a standard everyday swamp frog, poke up out of the water. But other than that, there are no ripples on the surface. We can still talk, Egnon. Dragonflies dip down at the water and flit away. The buzzing of insects surrounds you, but all else is quiet. My turn. Gricko.

As I write myself and I'm looking around and smelling in the water to see if there's any blood trail, I'm trying to get a sense if I can perceive where Agdon is in this moment. Do I get a sense that I could attempt to try to like perceive him at all or is it like a mystical he's fucking gone? If that makes sense. Roll a perception check. Roger that. Hold that.

I didn't realize that the numbers on that d20 do that little wiggle thing. Yeah, it cocks all the time. It's really cool. What d20? Can I use one twist on this? I know I've been using a lot. The numbers inside each one of the d20, it'll be like... Here, it's tilted again. It's like literally... Okay. Okay.

Sorry. That's okay. Okay. Skeet roll. Do-do-do, perception. And I take the crocodile's perception, right, Druids? I don't take mine. Yeah. Yeah. Do-do-do. You might have, like, beast perception, though. Perception is...

I would say you are not able to perceive where he went, but that he has not disappeared by magical means, that he is clearly still swimming somewhere in the water. Oh. Oh. You look, mate, awesome, boy.

Rabbit in it? Rabbit in it. I... I fucking have this prepared. I am going to, uh...

start to shift back as the glow of my croculous form will just shrink back and I am going to pull out my ocarina and despite being underwater, it'll still glow and play even though the sound is muted as I'm going to cast locate object. One action.

and I am going to describe or name an object that is familiar to you, an obnoxiously long blue scarf. - Well played. - And I would like to sense the direction of that object's location, as long as within 1,000 feet of me. - You are able to sense the scarf. It extends for 15 feet under the docks. - Do I, so I'm going to get a sense of that, so that is an action.

and I'm going to use my bonus action. I want to make sure that this is actually a bonus action.

It is not. So I am just going to try to swim and I guess I'm just, I'm gonna try to swim up to and try to perceive him. And that's it. I will say you can perceive the scarf. You're able to perceive the scarf. It is very clear that he is somewhere under the docks beneath your front. I will swim to the surface and say, he's under the docks, he's under the docks, don't make him

I'm feeling my life, oh no, oh no! Are you still a croc at that point? No, no, I dropped it. What the fuck are you doing to me? And actually, I should actually have enough swim to, I have just enough to make it onto the dock. I do not think so, because you would have to climb five feet up into the boat, and then another five feet. So I'm hanging on the side of this, like I'm hanging onto the scalf, like slapping around.

It's like really echoey. Like, you know, it's like in between the skiff and like the pilings. Yeah, I would say with doing all of that, you'd be able to make it up into the skiff. But that would be the furthest you can make it. Twig. It's Twig's turn. Twig is barely holding on to consciousness. Not understanding how invisibility works. I'm a good adventurer!

♪ Oh, none of my friends be harmed ♪ And she'll reach her hand out and fire another Eldritch Blast at the remaining Harren Gaunt. Another crotch. And she does hit. More like Geneva's suggestion. Harren today, Gaunt tomorrow.

Oh, I like. Yeah, no, she kills him. Oh, Gideon, I like her style. In a burst of swampy gas and fog, this other Harren gone is completely obliterated by the blast of fire.

- Fae magic. - No more lair hairs? - No more lair hairs. - So we've done more work than all of us combined. - Hot dang Gideon, instead of twig, they had a colored tree trunk. - It is the lair action, but they are gone. - Timber! - You can't follow me here. - That is her turn. - It's going down. - I have two questions. One, if I don't have a swim speed, can I not swim? - You can swim, it's just a difficult trick. - Yeah, it's just that. - Okay. I have advantage on wisdom survival checks to track Fae.

May I use a bonus action to attempt to track this? Yeah. Oh, this, okay. Now that's how you prepare for witch play. It's just advantage on-- You're gonna fucking Spider-Man underneath the-- Oh, so, so, so! 16 plus six is 22 survival. You, you,

hone in your senses as you're leaning over the edge of the dock. You are not fussed by Gricko as he is splashing and making his way out of the water. You are... You have caught the scent of Agdon specifically. The scent that lingers on the scarf and on his fur. The scent that is solely unique to him. And even though the fetid swamp water is bubbling beneath the dock, you can still sense...

that scent. And you see a flash of blue as you look. Bits of the tattered scarf floating towards the surface and rippling on the waves.

And as you follow the line of it, you see a flash of just the tip of one of his long ears directly beneath Hootsie and Twig. Oh, come here, Agden. And you will see Torbek go underwater and you will hear the click, click, click, click, click, click, click underneath the dock.

as he's using his claws to climb along upside down. - We see the black tendrils spike up through the board. - And as soon as I'm close enough-- - As you crawl through, there's one area where the wood has splintered away and you see Torbek's twisted face, his magenta eyes look up through the hole in the wood directly at you as he smiles and his horrific fangs are bared.

is in a quick flash, he skitters away and positions himself directly above where Agden is beneath the waves. - I attempt to rip him to shreds.

Ooh, that's a 20 to hit. That hits. Oh, okay. His AC is 19. Ez? Ez, I guess Torbjorn just goes right past you. He's like, oh, hey, Torbjorn, do something with your hair. I'm re-roaming to one because of Great Weapon Master. Five, six is 11. 13 total damage. Two of it is poison. How would you like to do this? Oh!

- Violently. I mean, I just absolutely, this being absolutely just shreds him to pieces. Blood red will come to the surface as, and then maybe his scarf after all. - You use your dexterous feet to anchor yourself to the underside of this dock as you reach into the water and begin to rip

flesh from flesh and from bone tearing agdon the brigand prince of prismir into absolute smith smithereens um his blood is coating the underside of the dock uh those of you that are watching you see his bits and pieces of him and his scarf are thrown this way and that until as

one of you looks over in sheer horrified curiosity, you see that Agdon is in hundreds of pieces floating on the surface of the water.

Torbek is hanging there, his chest heaving, the magenta light pulsing in his eyes as the contraption on his back is pumping pure liquid witch light into his body. He's completely covered and matted in blood, gore, and viscera as he smiles down at his prey. And in his hand is what remains of the long blue scarf.

I would say immediately then after you see this and the apparent threat to Torbek is eliminated, he would, the light would fade from his eyes and he would fall unconscious. You watch as the light fades from his eyes, that magenta light pulses once, twice, three times, and then his eyes go back to their normal dark murky color and his hold on the dock fails.

As with a loud splash, Torbek falls into the water unconscious. Not zero hit points, just unconscious. Yeah. If we're looking through like a hole in the dock where we could see him, I would dive through it into the water. It's a small hole. It was just big enough that you could see his horrific face as he skittered

along the other side. I punch it bigger. I punch it bigger. Easily punch it bigger. You could jump over the side where he was hanging, but that would not be in Gideon's style. You can easily do that. The scarf that was still in his hand is floating at the top of the water and you're easily able to pinpoint his location and gain hold of him. The scarf, Gideon. Bring the scarf. Quickly. Who is it?

I thought I told you never to call me at home. Hey, can you hear what I'm thinking? Because if you can't, I'm sorry.

What? Frost is so shocked he doesn't see anything else. I've done this thousands of times. It's just always surprising, man. I'm just kidding. I know it's disorienting to you and I don't know who you are. Didn't I tell you to take me on those lists? Sweet Taylor, get in.

Hey, don't worry. Just our new comrades drowning in terrible times. Grab them all, but get the scarf. Yeah, I'll grab his clothes. Don't worry. Come on. Yeah, I'll try to get Torbeck. If he's like passed out, get him in one arm, find the scarf. And I'm like, can the severed head of Agamemnon bring Prince? I would say there is no severed head left. Oh.

- There's gotta be an ear over here! - If I get one ear, if I could find an ear in his scarf. - He's mostly some. - Yeah, if he just turned on the blender and just went . - I would say you are able to find an ear. - Okay, ear, scarf, Torbek. And I try and work my way back onto the dock. - You have enough time to do that. You're not in any rush at this point. - Oh.

Everything has quieted around you. And as Gideon is rescuing Torbek from his potential drowning, as he is now unconscious in the water, the rest of you have a moment to look about and you see that all of the Harrengan that had been watching

Not a single one remains at the precipice of the of the stuff. It is near complete silence. You can hear the occasional splash of creatures jumping into or climbing out of the water. Small creatures, nothing more than amphibians, insects and the like. As fireflies and dragonflies buzz around you, trees creak as they sway in the breeze.

But for all intents and purposes, you were alone. Are we out of combat now? Yes. Get the fuck up here, please. I'll scramble up onto the ship. There's part of the blood chunks. We need to help, all right? Where's she? Where's she? Where's she going?

No, she's visible. She casts spells. Oh, who's she? You look so nice. Like you're protecting some sort of invisible imaginary friend. She's got a huge chunk bitten out of her side. Her beak is covered in blood. It's ripping. No, that's fine. That's fine. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

I mean, bananas are just more efficient. Yeah, just eat another banana, I'm sorry. You get used to it, you get used to it, Greg. She wakes up, her eyes flutter open. She is very confused at first, but you help her to eat the first banana, and you slowly begin to see her cheeks filling out, her skin is no longer sallow.

She's no longer sweating profusely. Her chest slows to a normal rate as she regains enough hit points to be away from death's door. And then she begins to sit up and she reaches into her acorn and she starts to pull out some flour and some...

little candied chips and a bowl and she starts to make banana bread. Oh. She gotta love twig, man. This is so delicious. Now that I feel better, I'm thinking we gotta have something for breakfast, you know? Because do we even sleep? I don't know. But oh my God, I can't believe it. You guys,

"Oh my god, we fought something! Oh wow, that's a lot of blood in the water! Is that...oh wow, that's a nose! I'm gonna..." And she starts to move towards the middle of the dock. "I'm gonna sit here and not look over the side anymore and pretend like that's not happening!" Yeah, you exploded a couple skulls.

I just, I don't know what to tell you. I just felt, I felt this like I have to protect my friends. You know, if they were to wake up, what if they were to kill you? And I was dead and I couldn't help you. Who's going to go back to that horrible

chick from school. I can't even remember her name. Briar. That awful Briar girl. And tell her that Dwayne is the best adventurer ever. Gigglewing, I believe it was. Gigglewing guy. I hate her. You did very well. That's part of being an adventurer. Is this...

I'm hot. I feel adrenaline. I think I ate ten bananas. Can it heal up to twenty? I guess I'm casting two good berries. That's great berries. I mean, it's very efficient with my precious D&D resources. I don't feel great, but

But I feel pretty good. Dolbit, are you okay? Oh, hey, guys. Did the parsley work? No. No.

Did you guys see that? I'm like tiptoe. Oh, Uncle Torbeck's not feeling very well. Hootsie, let's just back away over here. Okay, here's your pad. Here's your fly pad over here. What was the last thing you remembered, Torbeck? Torbeck saw the long scarf guy with the brand and then nothing. I don't...

Go ahead. You don't remember putting him in a blender? Putting him in a what? Getting them all cut up, man. We'll get into that. Repeat after me, Torbeck. I. Torbeck. Yeah, man. This is just. I think just get him to say Torbeck is. Wait, what? What are you talking about? When he spoke? What? He said I.

Wait, no, that was that flexing rabbit, folks. I heard him from the water below. That wasn't a rabbit? No, that was Torbjorn. You mean the guy with the weird accent? Yes. Torbjorn, you talk like that?

What do you mean? Sometimes Torbeck hears voices, but Torbeck has Torbeck's voice. Well, that's a good point. I mean, he actually shouted out, you think I'm Torbeck?

question mark Torbeck thinks he's Torbeck yes yeah yeah he said ah do you need bananas Torbeck Torbeck could use some alcohol

Oh, we got that. Take a swig of this. I hand over my flask. Thank you, Gideon. On a scale of one to ten, how badly do your bones hurt? Well, do you mean mortally?

More than usual or about the same? I just mean like your tibia and your fibula and all the other ibeas that are related to your arms and legs and everything else about you. They're about doubled in length and there was a horrible cracking sound. Oh yeah, you... Dormech's a little sore and Dormech's head kind of hurts, but nothing that booze can't fix. I made that argument before. Yeah, my head kind of hurts too.

And you look over and you see sitting on the edge of the dock is a scarecrow? But where its head should be is a gourd. Ever since my actual head was taken by these herring gone, it's really hurt in here. And as this entity shakes its head, you hear rattling. The sound of something inside slamming up against the edges of the gourd.

But to be fair, it all kind of hurt since my soul was put in this place anyway. I mean, Gehenna wasn't great and all. It wasn't a bad place for a kid to be, you know? And that's where we'll end the session. Oh my god! Oh my god. You know... Anya!

You could have given me like 50 guesses, 100 guesses when you're like, oh, what's going to become of this Aguilar long scarf guy when he first heard of like these plucky rabbits? I'm like, you know, getting Mays Hughes wasn't what I was expecting. You know, that was like the last, like, you know, I don't think I would have guessed.

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