Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 10 | Raucous Revelry
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Greetings. You're listening to Legends of Avantris. My name is Morning Frost, and this is Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Frost, still nowhere to be seen. Tore back, taken away, to...

Some unknown fate? You're presuming that the pole is coming towards me. What if, in fact, it's the reverse and that clowns are being pulled into my fist? I must fucking troll, Steve. Well, I will admit that what prompted us to come to this carnival was...

something of a situation, we were going to be paid to actually see if we could investigate a little bit and find the patron of an elderly man who grows giant pumpkins.

Oh no, I think it's the foul honknights. Ugh, the honknights. Of the Honk Legion. I've killed many of your kind, honknight. And one of the clowns, as he was trying to get out, tripped and fell directly into Gideon's sword, completely running him through. Derek, can you be klutzy for me? Ah!

Clutzy, Clutzy, Clutzy, Clutzy, Clutzy, Clutzy, Clutzy, I'm so Clutzy today. Free my hands, Lord Cremington. I'm going to kill him a second time. You're going to kill the rest of the clowns if I do that, kid. Yes, please. Clutzy won't be the last person I've killed. Crem.

Move it slower, Mr. Light. I want to try to catch it. You remember our deal. You come back with the Kenku and you can have all the answers you're looking for. Do you want to steal the weather vane? I don't steal it, I just be... Thinking about stealing that weather vane, huh? Standing in front of you is a Kenku in a dark blue robe. We want what's best for Sibylna. And I do not believe that Mr. Witch and Mr. Light are up to good. Mr. Witch.

You were making your way through the streets of the carnival with a mission that had been given to you by Mr. Light himself. And that was to capture the Kenku, Kettle Steam, and to bring them back to their wagon in the hopes that they would, or for the sole purpose of being able to have them answer the questions that you had.

As you were making your way through, you were, however, spoken to by Burly the Bugbear, who, though he trusts in the leaders of the carnival, is concerned because his brother Hurley has gone missing. His questions have not been answered. And he, listening in, eavesdropping as he tends to do...

noted something that you may not have picked up on. That Mr. Light offered to answer your questions, but he never said anything about honestly. And that if you wanted honest answers, you were going to need to have something to barter with. And that something was the Witchlight Vein or the Witchlight Hourglass.

He informed you of some people around the carnival who might be able to help you, people to talk to and get a sense of who might be on your side if you could befriend them in some way or another. And it was with that that you started to make your way through the carnival heading towards Pixie Kingdom, a place that you had not been yet. When you were approached and to your surprise,

You did not have to hunt for Kettlesteam because instead Kettlesteam found you. She motioned you to an area behind some of the carnival games and it is here that she revealed herself to be the Kenku you were looking for. And in the voice of the Candlefoot the Mime she began to speak to you. And it is here that we start our session

And before we start, why don't we go around the horn and talk about what curses we currently have. - It's actually funny that you said that. I was just going to ask you to do that. - Oh, no. - Thank you very much, Rich. - Go ahead and ask us. - Thank you. - I would like, before we start the session, if you would each go around the horn and explain what curses you are afflicted with currently. - That's a great idea. - We will start with Derek. - I'll start. - We will start with Derek. Then we'll move on to Mike. - I'll start. - We will start with Derek. - I'll start.

We will start with Derek. And then we will move on to Mike. I'm not done explaining. We will start with Derek. We'll move on to Mike. Followed shortly by Rich. And then quickly after by Mace. Mace in last place. Fuck! I was gonna say that! Don't break your pencil! It's not actually a pencil!

- Mace, go ahead. - So we're gonna start with Derek and then Mikey.

followed by Rich, and then shortly after by-- I don't think we have any curses. I don't think we have any curses either. I think they were cleared by Laffy Taffy. Legally distinct Laffy Taffy. Did you need to get enough? You have the one that you've got enough. Flower crown. Yeah, that's permanent. So we're gonna go ahead and start with Derek. Frost doesn't have any, I believe. So we're gonna go ahead and start with Derek. Derek, say you have any-- I don't have any curses that I-- Lovely, Mike. I mean, what other curse is there besides life?

Soon as you're born, you're dying. Yes. Trapped in a body that can feel hunger, pain, unable to escape. Crippling loneliness. I mean... And hemorrhoids. I don't remember who to say. And I know, chat, keep this in the video, Reg. We're pretty...

- I'm gonna go to the rich, keep this in. - I'll go to all this in. - Oh good. I know that it said that I can't talk about it, but I am interpreting it and with the DM's blessing that I just don't remember. - That's way less painful, that's smart. - I need to tell everyone that I meet that I love unicorns and I cannot intentionally or willfully lie, like George Washington. - I wear a beautiful flower crown and I have to water it once an hour.

- Just find like a bucket full of water and like dunk? - Well, it's raining when we had our kiss scene, so. - Oh, so it's already water. - So that counts, yeah. - Very nice. - Yeah. - We're cooking two meats on one fire. - Yeah, we were at that point. - All right, thank you. Thank you for that. And with that, we will go into the session. You are standing behind in the small nook behind a few of these carnival games. This is clearly an area where the Witchlight Hands

bring additional prizes and things in through the back curtains of these places. It's a storage area. It's places where the Witchlight Hands can change shifts and take breaks. And it becomes clear to you, having so easily moved your way here, that Kettlesteam, this Kenku, is very familiar with the layout of this carnival. And you watch as...

You make your way to this area and Kenku's visage begins to change as she now takes on the form of a witchlight hand. And she is indistinguishable, looks like a small female goblin, the butterfly wings firmly attached to her back as she looks out at the four of you.

And in that voice that was clearly stolen from Candlefoot the Mime, she looks at you and says, I know that you've been hunting for me. We haven't been hunting. I wouldn't call it that. I've watched you look for me in the crowds. Yes. We've been looking for you. Basically got a bounty on your head. You understand that? And we mean to collect. We don't all mean to collect.

Wait, I thought that's why we're here. No, no, no, no. I didn't want to necessarily go through with it. Wait, you don't want your cut? Cut of what? Of collecting. Treasure? No, we haven't been promised anything. It's for perhaps more answers that we now know we may not be able to trust. I want to have an honest conversation with this... Is this your true form as a Witchlight Hand? Were you previously a member of the circus? How did you come to be here, even? Are you stupid?

Yeah, he is. In some specific ways, but no, I'm quite intelligent. You know I'm a Kenku, you've been told this. Oh! I'm currently a goblin wearing butterfly wings. Oh! Yes. Have you ever heard this one before? Kenku? More like Kenku. Have you heard that before? You're really the people that Mr. Witch and Mr. Light are asking to do their dirty work. Well, I'm one person, I'm one goblin.

The rest of us are people. Before we go any further, look, they're looking for you, but I think we may be allied. First of all, I love unicorns. I forgot to mention that. Also, can you tell us what your role is in all of this? What are you looking for? Because I think our goals are aligned.

You see as she looks around and she stops and you notice that her body is completely still, but even her movements are still bird-like in this goblin form that she has taken and just her head moves from side to side as she listens and checks for potential eavesdroppers. And when she seems to feel comfortable, she begins to speak.

I'm looking for my patron, Zibilna. I've not been in contact with her for a while, to a point that is disconcerting. The last that I heard were whispers of the Witchlight Carnival. I believe that whatever happened to her started here. First of all, I wanted to just confirm that you were a Kenku now that we've gotten a chance to talk to you. I...

Promise you, I believe you now. Second of all, this is not the first time we've heard this story. Thank who? We're here in this carnival because someone else, another follower, what's the right term for someone who has the same relationship? Oh, Minion. Minion? Minion. Minion of the Sibilna had the same suspicions. How did you come to this understanding?

The gentleman's name was Madrick, I believe. Mr. Osloff. She immediately recoils and spits on the ground. Oh. Oh. An idiot in Imbuson. Well, I mean, you're right about that, but why do you say that? Yeah. Because he is an idiot in an Imbuson. Oh, that checks. Could an idiot in an Imbuson make a very nice slice of pumpkin pie? Yes. Pumpkin pie is not a difficult recipe. Well, lots of ways to fuck it up.

Did he purchase the crust or make it himself? You know what? I did taste a little store-bought now that I think about it. You know, in the garbage, I did see the Costco clamshell. Yeah. More than likely, he just put it in the oven. Why is it so delicious? Look, I'm going to be real with you. We haven't had the same goal.

But nothing's stopping us from turning you in and we'll get a favor from a very rich and powerful person. So, what can you offer us? Yes, I'm sure you'll get a favor. But it won't be the one that you want. You think that they're going to keep their word to a T? They're tricksy, just like the Fae. They have loopholes. They'll do whatever they need to not give you the answers that you need. And I know this. Because I know things you do not.

What I'm trying to communicate is that there's no skin off my back to turn you in, one way or another. I can... Either way, I'm still crossing my fingers and hoping they help. Sure. And you'll miss out on valuable information, then. And that's what I'm saying. Can we perhaps make a deal? Sure, if you stop threatening me immediately. I just want to make our terms clear, and that haste is of the essence. Then don't threaten me when I've come to you willingly.

All right, what can we do for you? I need help stealing their weathervane or their pocket watch. Oh, that's what we was going to do. I thought you were going to... Wait, what? Oh, we're going to kill Clown for... No. Oh, giddy-noddy. Cremmy just said that you were threatening to turn me in. No, we were asked to turn you in. I was letting you know that they want us to turn you in. And you were threatening me with you, with the possibility. That was our cover story, you know. If you had another plan, why didn't you say that?

Huh? What? What? Who? Kanku? I'm starting to understand why magic put the four of you on the case. No, it's still good. It's still fine. I know. I know it is. I'm still not quite sure why Mr. Witch and Mr. Light have put you on the case, outside of thinking you might be too stupid to...

to follow through. He knows actually, I think that's exactly what it is. He thinks you are so stupid you will not be able to accomplish anything. You'll be so distracted. The night will finish. You will at least keep me from my goal and they will pack up and move on to the next site. It understands that you're confused because I haven't hit you yet. If I had hit you, you'd understand why they sent us.

That's good. He does punch quite hard, but again, no more threats, please. Can we just taunt him? And no one has yet. No one's threatening nobody. We threatened to turn her in, we threatened to hit her in the body. I just said, you know, I've got a pretty good track record. I've got two kills since we've been here so far. And I'm barely touched him. My hands were behind my back. I want you to roll a perception check.

And you know, she's got a bit of a reputation as like a politically motivated terrorist. You know, a little bit of violent uprising. 21. Prescription, you say? Prescription? Oh, I've got to call in more prescription. 23! 10! 14. You are all arguing together.

And as you look over, you see that Kettle Steam is nowhere to be found. Oh, Kettle Steam! Well, you scared the her away. I thought it was Kettle Steam. I immediately look into the crowd and see if I can see any of the, even as suppressed as they may be in the getaway, the bird motions. Roll a perception check. Add advantage because you're looking specifically for...

I would say that is definitely enough. You are able to see what appears to be a wood elf

tall female wood elf that is darting in and out through the crowd heading deeper into the carnival towards the pixie kingdom and the movements occasionally you can see like the motion of the arms which almost look like flapping very slight but enough to give the kettle steam away well we failed oh just saw I but what I believe I'd bet my bottom dollar on it

Kettle steam heading towards Pixie Kingdom. Do we know her name? But we cannot scare her away the next time we have this opportunity to talk to her. Yeah, she told you her name, and you knew her name beforehand, Mr. Witch, and Mr. Light mentioned it. Well, let's go chase her down. Let's go. Well, then we scare her? Yes. I would say after the second round of threats, it became very clear that she felt like she was going to get nowhere with you. Ugh.

We need to go to the Pixie Kingdom. That's a beeline in that direction. If she's going there, she may cause additional disturbances, and perhaps we can either prevent an accident, or we can at least accost her there and see if we can get her to come over to our...

to confront her there. No, don't say confront, that's too aggressive. Too heavy. Just surround her. But the opposite of that. Yeah, well, we surround her and then, you know. How about have a pleasant chat over some corn frogs?

Mmm. It still sounds a little intimidating, oddly. Oh, yeah. Corn frogs can cut the roof of your mouth. It's gotta be like jam or double berry ice cream. I feel like a beet would be quite... Cherries, berries, ice cream. Cherries, berries. It's so good because it tastes extra. And tastes like plurals. That's what it is. Damn it, I forgot their tagline mark of it already. Well, after...

We go after him. Oh. Yeah. We start hustling after him. Yes, I will follow Gricko and we will start to make our way directly to the kingdom of Pixie. Sure. Roll another perception check at advantage to just see what you see. Twist it.

Oh yeah, let's do a little twisty twist. Got 'em! Oh yeah, we got 'em. Roll a d100 for me. I had to check. I wasn't sure if we were running low. You've been stealing twists and taking them home, you fuck. No, they're just holding my coffee. It's actually quite good now. I supplement my iron. Wow. What is that number?

Oh, it's a nine. Is it nine or six? It's a nine. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm positive. Okay. So that's 12. 12 of the bird-like-in-lookin'. Did you want to twist it again? What's your D100? I'll take a look. Oh, I have to roll a D100 first to decide if I want to risk it. Okay, so roll a D100. Give me some 28 action. Okay.

You are in constant physical pain. Do you have an idea of what we haven't hit? Do you know how scattershot we've been? Oh, there are tons you have not. You guys keep rolling the same things. Yeah. Like, you've gotten the clown one so many times, it's ridiculous. And the knees locked together one. They're my beautiful face. Yeah. You've been a lot of similar combos, which is crazy. Yeah.

I think she's in that direction. That really stings. I have an idea. You gotta say, oh, oh, well, I'll do what I'm about to do. Can you go and raise your back up and it'll be really funny? What? Oh, I'll do what I'm about to do. Can you go like, and then like,

And raise your back up? Uh, yes, I seem to have a friend. Hold on, okay, three, two, one. And I'm gonna turn into a spectral death dog, and two-headed dog, and I'm gonna be sniffing around, trying to get her scent, and smell a bird. Because I don't know if she's masking scent, so I might be able to smell feathers. Oh, nice.

That's good. And if you don't smell any feathers, you could try smelling for high... Ah, this is outrageous. What is happening? You feel that now? You need like a banana or something? No, it's sort of spreading from my finger to my wrist now. She slapped me really fast before she ran away? I'm going to sniff around. So do I roll a perception check at advantage because it's by scent? Is that what your death dog does? Yeah, the wolf does, yeah. Yeah. It's the stat block, but yeah.

- That's a good thing that's advantage right there. - I'm gonna twist 'cause I want to curse. - Not 'cause it's bad. Oh no. - I think I'll take two. - Twist again. - Are you succeeding? - A 21. - Oh okay. - I have an seven. - Oh okay. - So I wanted to get higher, a 20 or higher, a 21. - Two? Two twists?

Yes. Yeah, he used to. 21. Looking at you, as everyone looks at you, you all see as this spectral death dog is sniffing around, but all of a sudden it no longer has the head of a dog. It has the head of a donkey. Two heads of donkeys? Two donkey heads? Or a dog and a donkey. Oh, so yeah, there are now two donkey heads. Oh!

Jesus. Hey, he's doing the dog thing. Oh, that's new. I haven't seen that monster before. Oh my gosh. It's there, guys. Should we kill it?

Gideon punch it in the body. I feel like, brother! Brother! She's this way! What are you even doing? Just do your thing, brother! Come on! That was the other one. 14. Quick ban on weird chimera. I was hoping you were gonna go in a "I'm making pancakes" situation, but that isn't so much worse.

Can you roll again for me? Oh, of course I can. 33. I'm making waffles! You know what, at this point, I'm just picking one. Yeah, pick 'em. The rest of your body turns into the body of a corpse.

Well... We should have him killed now. By all of the gods. I'll take one head. One head is going to use its teeth to drag itself forward. Excuse me, can we get some love?

Laffy Taffy right at Ow! Ow! Laffy, ow! Oh! Oh! Oh, God! That's one thing when you were an old cripple with broken ankles. He's a dead corpse of two donkeys. You want me to touch that? Do you think he's going to remember this? Everybody likes bar face! Woo!

Pick him up! Oh god! You still gotta sniff out the cake! Oh god, okay, fine! I pick him up like a donkey, a double donkey. One head is gonna be covered in dirt. Now hee-haw if we're going the right way. Oh god. This is the worst divining round in history.

- I drag you. - Rigor Mortis does that again. - Hell, I drag you. - Hell. - I must fucking drag you. - Oh, Graco. - You, with that move, are able to determine that Kettlestein did make her way towards Pixie Kingdom.

Send me up on the high point. You don't have to role play those. No, you do. Well, I think it's this way. Yeah, it looks like. I mean, he's getting real excited. It's hard to tell. Get down. What did he just say? Get down. I think he's trying to communicate with you. Well, this is going to haunt my nightmares. Yes, this is going to haunt all of our nightmares. Are you trying to be the chimera from...

Yeah. A little bit of call may call him B, you know what I mean? That is... Yeah. A little bit of donkey from Shrek, a little bit of... A little bit of... A little bit of... A tortured hybrid from... Yeah, a full metal alchemist, a little bit of a horrible alpaca abomination from Color Out of Space, you know? Yeah, so you...

Should we break both of his necks? Yeah, go for it. No, look, it'll wear off. We just gotta get to Pixie Kingdom. Let's go! We'll get to Laffy Taffy when we get there, yes. We attempt to make it as quickly as possible to the closest Laffy Taffy station that is adjacent to the Pixie Kingdom entrance. Yeah, you look around and even with the highest rolls, you wouldn't find one there or not. I think you're right on this one. As you make your way... Mikey wanted...

- He wanted them, so he's got them. - You make your way towards Pixie Kingdom. You do see that there, it appears that the Candy Striper Pixies are not anywhere in this area that you can see, but you do approach Pixie Kingdom and you see that it is very small in comparison to,

to everything else. The tiny entrance is, there's no way that you can get into this space. The doorway to Pixie Kingdom is at the very base of a tree. And the only way in is through this tiny little arched doorway, but none of you are a foot tall or shorter.

I... I can't seem to lift my arm. Can you knock on the tree and see if we can get someone's attention?

I take Gricko and I smash it into the door. That's why I asked. Oh, jeez. His teeth are just flying out. Well, he's already a corpse. Might as well save Krem's knuckles. I was going to use my cane, but I appreciate it. Oh, I didn't think of that. Oh, Gricko, you okay? I'm okay.

I'm gonna use a twist of dread. I want you to all have more curses. Is it one dread per twist, or do you get to apply the Fae Curse to all of us with one twist of dread? No, it's one person per dread. Okay, so it's four. Three dreadises. No, for the three of us, or for... I'm presuming I'm getting another one. You are. Oh, God. You don't roll, I do it. Oh. Griggo, you turn inside out. Ha ha ha ha!

We're definitely putting him down if he turns inside out. I'm not carrying him. And you. We can't take him into the pixie kingdom like this. Two donkey heads, a corpse body. They'll never let us walk around with this hideous diviner. I know, but the candy strippers are nowhere to be found. Kremi, you begin to transform. You are now a 60-year-old human being wearing a bear costume. Ha!

I don't know why this always happens. Grimmy, you're an old man wearing a bear costume. There's no other way to say it. What happened to my poor family? What's your persona? Um... Frost. Yes.

You are only attracted to trolls. You aggressively seek after a troll for a long time relationship. I must fuck an elf.

Oh my god, I got the troll in again. That's kind of ironic because earlier he was trying to fucking troll. He was? You don't want to fucking troll. If anyone's going to be fucking trolls around me, I'll be the same. You got your old man no filter thing going on again. Am I having some sort of attack? This is just a nightmare. Maybe a cardiac event. I'm going to have to find that troll right away.

We don't have a lot of time left. All of your friends look like beautiful women and you're highly attracted to them. Even Graco? Even Graco.

Well, well, well. Two heads are better than one. Yeah, in this instance they are. Looks like we don't need those candy strippers after all. Oh, you're a whippersnapper. I got just the thing to make you look absolutely spectacular for the fair. Yeah, do those dancers pull out?

The what? You have dancers in? Oh no! And I pull it out and it's like a super long set of alligator dancers. Oh, dancers! I did not hear that correctly. You're a human in a bear costume. You're a human old man in a bear costume. This is the worst! And they do pull it out. Excellent.

- Well, just so it's still Gideon, let me just, I just wanna apply some face paint to you. I would like to use my disguise self face paint on Gideon and make him look like a troll. - Okay, cool. - Absolutely.

I just got trolls on the mind for some reason. You know, trolls and bears just really go together. I'm kind of mad. I don't know what the hell's going on around here, but this is my weirdest fantasy come to life. The magic of the face paint transforms Gideon as you take on the visage of a troll. We're ready for the convention now. Laughter

Frost doesn't need to change at all. Man, you have a beautiful voice when you talk like that. Can you put whatever Rico has become down? Yeah, I'll put him down gently. No!

No, I'll get him! Here, Gromit, take him. And I just drop him. My arms break. Feels like my ribs are breaking. My collarbone shifts within my frame. But something else also stirs, Gideon. What is that? Looking at your visage.

What do you mean? My handsome fire visage? I've never realized how troll-like you look, Gideon. Oh, well. If you're hitting on me, just wait a couple minutes. You can make those noises again. That wasn't the pain, Gideon.

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lift me. Press me up against this trunk. Well, damn it, if you weren't just such a beautiful woman, I'd be able to hold myself back when I can. So...

Frosty, here we go. Right here with Greco as a beautiful woman with two donkey heads on the ground. Greco, I know you can't move, but you may want to close your eyes. I'm already stiff. You can't close all four eyes. He has to watch everything. That turns me on even more. Greco...

Take notes. I have picked Frost. Oh! Dental! Dental! Oh, honey. I've never been accused of that.

- He deuces Ness's frost against the big future. - I will with great passion pin Frost against the closest thing that I can pin him against and make sweet, sweet love to him.

In public, as children and... Oh, as... You should have thought about this! As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the idiot... As the

An old man Kremi can't turn away because also his bones are brittle. I should probably stop this. And it is

It is the cries. I want you to move the happiness meter down one. People are cheering for us. Then move it back up one as they reach climax. Why do we intervene? Or does this just happen? It's happening. You can't move fast enough. You are too old to intervene.

As someone does seem to go report this to the Witchlight Carnival.

The pixie striper, the pixie striper-- The candy striper pixie. The candy striper pixies. Uncle Glorbo's in good country. They're just pelting us with taffy. They're just throwing taffy at you at this point. And you are force fed taffy as they try to pull Gideon off of Frost.

In what state are we when the taffy comes? You're in extreme states of undress. Have we, but I mean like... Oh, it's penetration. That's what he means to ask. There is a curtain of black, but you're both smoking cigarettes. Oh, you faded to black. I mean, we were all thinking it. You're a fiend of black.

You fade into black, but you're both smoking cigarettes.

Actually, all four of you are laying there smoking cigarettes. I don't know where we got these fucking cigarettes from. Oh, I gave you the cigarettes. I always carry a cigar, but... Wow! Is that twice in two sessions? You know, I heard about these conventions. I mean, I didn't think the stories were that true. I mean, what is in that taffy? Oh, God. Maybe we should just ask for taffy and have it in our pockets at any given moment. As Frost speaks to me, I can't look him in the eyes. LAUGHTER

Legitimately over his shoulder. Yeah. Perhaps, and I speak inside your mind, perhaps... No, not in there. Not where the memories are. We're being affected by fame magics. It's all right, Gideon. Oh, wait, I'm not ashamed. You're still beautiful. Oh, no, wait. Oh, God! Get out

It's gonna be, this is just me using my mental abilities. It's fine. We have to learn how to ride the tiger, so to speak. You have to learn how to go with the flow of the magics of the Fae. Oh, I think I'm... Oh, he's not okay. It's fine. It's all just part of the learning experience. We will eventually be able to master these magics, I think. It's okay as long as the minds don't touch. Ha ha!

T-shirt. I just wanted to be known either

not do that you did that okay why did you paint me like a damn troll that wasn't even one of your curses you're still painting like a troll you still are because that is not a curse that's a magic you can just wipe the face paint off if you don't know it lasts an hour i was a weird 60 year old man wearing a full-size bear costume and you just want a little company i don't know you know like the convention thing that gricko was talking about you know a lot of cosplay i think they call it

Well, we all had to take one for the team, and Frost had to take two.

Let's continue. This door's awfully small. I don't know what to do. I knock on the door. Excuse me. We would like to enter the Pixie. I have a ticket. Please. Is there anyone in there? Are you out of order? Out of service? What is happening here? You immediately hear and see a Pixie standing right outside of the door looking up at you in shock and concern. I've been trying to tell you for the

45 minutes. Oh, I'm so sorry. You were busy. I just gotta sprinkle some of this red pixie dust on you to make you smaller. All of us? All smaller or just where the dust hits?

Oh god! All of you! All of you small-o's! Bring on the dust, we want to enter the kingdom. I gotta ask my manager. Well, please do. You just did something outside of our gates that I haven't seen in years. Yeah, well, you're welcome. Didn't you see the happiness meter went up? Well, people loved it. It definitely went back and forth. I don't know how the people felt about it. Yeah.

I'm still reconciling that. It went down before it went up. You should see, check if you have any kind of burn book or something. Them names are probably on it, but maybe just double check with the manager first. Hi. Yeah. It's Lexi here. Yep, I'm on the Rocky Talkie. Uh-huh. Yeah, those two sex pests, they're outside. They want to know if they can get in the... Oh, they can? Oh, it's Dionysus now?

- I'll let him in. Yeah? - Oh, is Glorbo on that list? - They wanna know if Glorbo's on that list. Who's Glorbo? No? There's no one named Glorbo on that list. - Oh, okay, quite nice. - What did you say your name was?

Lexi, why? Wasn't that a name? Any relation to a fairy named Lexi? No. Oh, all right. Must be a common thing, you know, like John or Mary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So pixies kind of go under a naming scheme. Trixie, Mixie, Minxie, Tinksy, Lexi.

Shmexy. No, I've never heard of one. T-Rexy. That would be a really cool one, but no. Oh, yeah, sorry. I don't mean to keep you on the line. They're allowed in, though. Oh, Mr. Light's happy about it. No.

you got it on camera oh no what's a camera oh a major image a major image for tonight at the crowning of the wow oh miss light said something about this prank bank all right then no if mr light's happy then we're happy all right all right thank you

Thanks, Minxie. I'll talk to you later. And she hangs up. That's black man waiting to happen. Anyway, just hit us with the dust, please. Oh, and before, is there anything that we should know about the dust experience while we're inside the kingdom and what kind of activities we'll pursue there? Do we have to get out before a certain time or we'll enlarge inside of the kingdom and be crushed by our own exploding bodies? I don't know.

There is something horribly wrong with you. It's just a logical question. That one is just the risks. No, inside of Pixie Kingdom we've got dust just sprinkled out, sprinkled all about the place. You'll stay small the entire time you're in. Has anyone ever had an allergy to the dust? Oh yeah. What happened to them? Oh, they were burping bubbles for like four days. Burping bubbles doesn't sound so bad. Oh, that sounds so bad. I'm sure I don't have an allergy to that.

Sounds a little unpleasant. I mean, you have a hiccup for four days? It's not fun. No. Fast track to a six-pack.

I went to pick up for about three days. I, some corn frogs far too fast. I remember that. Yeah, remember? Yeah, now it was just like, oh, I couldn't stop myself. I tried scaring you, but it didn't speak. Yeah. Ah! I was just thinking about a memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I popped it out of nowhere. Ah! Oh. I was just thinking about a memory. How scary you were. Thank you. Oh.

Please, continue. Here, my ticket. Oh, tickets. I'll have to punch him once you're tiny. That ticket's as big as I am. That's a good point. Hold on to my ticket, then. Please do. All right, are you ready? Hold on. I'll pull out a handkerchief.

Do we got to be sedentary? Okay. Okay. There we go. That's better. Yeah, I'm not sure why you were holding on to that ticket the entire time. I couldn't let go. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

And with that, she blows the red pixie dust on all of you and you immediately feel your bodies begin to shrink down as you now stand about a little less than a foot tall.

Oh, look at you strapping, lads. You look so much better down here. Hello. Hello, welcome. Am I the same size as me lads? It was a lot proportional. It's probably proportional. It's proportional. You're very small. Can't there's no, like, adjust? Can we adjust? No. Can we adjust the knob a little bit? Cover your mouth a little with the pixie dust. If you take in less, you probably have less of an effect. Oh.

Not a bad idea. It's at least a hypothesis. Yeah. No, no, still breathe. Still breathe. No, breathe in and out. No, no, he'll tire himself out. He'll pass out before he dies. He always does. Thank you, Lexi, I believe it was. Yeah. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. Oh.

Do we have everything that we need? Yeah, you just need to enter in through the Pixie Kingdom gates. Here's my ticket. Thanks. Oh, thank you. We all get our dickets punched. Your dickets. My dickets. I kind of take a foot and shake Krico away. Hey, Krico, come on. Get up. Oh, am I tall again?

No! Just hold your breath until you pass out. Again! Again. You know, that kills brain cells. Huh? What? Every five times you do that, your it score goes down by one. Can you believe Frosty's like... Speak common! Idiot!

I follow the Bricko dejected way into the Pixie Kingdom. The event I'm most excited about is this whole fucking carnival. And now I hate it! Oh god. You make your way into the Pixie Kingdom.

in through the arched entryway that leads into the trunk of this tree and you see a copse of small oak trees that shelters a miniaturized fairground. At its heart, a hamster runs inside a tiny ferris wheel encircled by minuscule wagons and candy stalls. A pixie sits cross-legged in the hollow of a tree at the entrance to this realm.

Hi, welcome on in. It's nice to meet you. I'm Minxy. I just got off the phone with Lexi. So you're the sex best.

Well, not all of us, just the two of us. It's Dionysus night, so... Oh, so we're supposed to be sex pests? We're also sex pests. Don't put me out of this, all right? We're also sex pests, right? All right, she pulls out a scroll and starts writing your names down on it. Oh, hey, Dionysus night! So, on entry, you can go ahead and take yourself an acorn full of wine.

You can also have a little bunch of grapes if you would like to take some. Oh.

Are they full of booze or are they just grapes? Oh yeah, they're wine grapes. They pop in your mouth filled with wine. It's like boba, but not. It's like boba for alcoholics. Like those watermelon things people make in the summer. Oh, dog and watermelon. Are children allowed in the Pixie Kingdom? Not on Dionysus night. Do you have a Priapus night?

A what? A Priapus. He's also one of the gods of lust and... Never mind. Why would we have two of them? I don't know. It seemed naturally... I'll have another wine.

Do you have any questions about Pixie Kingdom before you go ahead and come on in? Is the hamster a normal-sized hamster and looks like a cow to us, or is it also shrunk down to the size of a... I'm sorry, I stopped listening to you halfway through what you were saying in your monotone voice. Can you repeat that to me again? Out of character. Is the hamster...

huge to us because we're pixie sized. So it's like a dog. It's like fat hamster. It's like, yeah, probably like horse sized. Is it a shrunken giant hamster? It's like a shrunken giant. It is a hamster that is large enough to run a pixie, a ferris wheel. It's a pygmy giant space hamster. Yeah.

It's a pygmy giant space hamster. So it's a space hamster that then was hit with the red dust. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's huge. Actually, oh yeah, no, it's very nice. What are the common questions that get asked?

Graco? Yeah, because it's Bacchus night, are there going to be a bunch of pixies that turn into leopards and tear us apart? Because I do love leopardy and I haven't seen it in a while. What the fuck are you talking about, Graco? No, not tonight. I love leopardy. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

I have to ask, contractually obligated to let you know that I love unicorns. Do you have anything unicorn related in this kingdom? Look, I'm going to be honest with you. Pixie Kingdom is the best attraction in the entirety of the Witch Lake Honorable. If there's something unicorn related you want, you're going to find it in Pixie Kingdom. I mean, look at this place. It's filled with pixies. I'm obligated to be excited about that. Thank you.

You don't have to raise your hand, we're not in class. Oh. Uh, if it's Pixie Kingdom, who's the Pixie King? Or Queen? Or Monarch? There isn't one. We're all equal here in Pixie Kingdom. Wait, how is it a kingdom if it's not hereditary monarchy? Yes, this sounds more like a Pixie Commune to me. Well, maybe they're all the king. The Witchlight Monarch is the monarch of everything.

What's the Witch-Late Monarch's tax policy? We don't have taxes here in Pixie Kingdom. Are you sure? I'm never leaving. Is there perhaps a pixie named Taxi? Oh yeah, for sure. She gets around. So before... That's the funniest joke I've ever heard.

That's the funniest joke tonight. That's the funniest thing that's happened. That was sharp. That was sharp. Everybody gets a run. Of course he has a quite good taste in name, I must say. I must say.

Well, before you can enter, you do have to take on your pixie names now that you're all pixies, and we do have to switch out your butterfly wings for your pixie wings. Oh, well. These? Yeah, you're going to have to keep them on your person because the moment you leave, you've got to put them back on or else. Put them in the bag. I was already going by taxi, but...

Someone already took that name. Yeah, no, I will assign you your pixie names. Don't worry. Oh, I can't just pick one? Hold on. I was going to go with Frosty because, but... Oh, no, we've heard of you, Twinkie Bell. No, there's no X in there. There's no X. Oh, yeah, you can kind of see me hanging out there. Oh!

- You really should wear fish night tights that fit you a little better, 'cause I can see like a lot of you. - I haven't gotten my robe all the way closed. - Hold on. - I think I tore it. - If I do this right.

Can you hurry up already? There are people lining up outside to get in. It's Dianite's night. How do you guys get this off? I use my mental mind hand to grab the back and do the bra trick. And it just snaps open. I feel so free. Oh, hoes, mental. Oh, hoes, mental.

- Little hand crummy, mine. - They're all in the bag. - I need you each to roll a D8 for me, please. - Oh, I love these. - I love going on a D8. - Eight, eight, eight. - All right, your name is Toad Hop. - What the hell's that? - It is the greatest name. - Toad Hop? - I've ever had. So if I got eight, re-roll. - Re-roll, please, yeah.

You get a one. I get a seven. Fuck. You're Puddle Mud. Puddle Mud? Yeah, after that. You're Bright Might. Like Rainbow Brite. Like a luminous louse?

Yeah. It's like one of those peg boards with the... Yeah. So like a little mitre insect. Like a little unicorn. If you have a concern, I will let you try again, but it's gotta be a valid concern, because I don't have names for days. I rolled a six, but may I have three?

You know, I think that's fine. Your name was supposed to be Panache. Oh, can I take Panache? Wait, is Panache from programs? No, it's been taken now. Oh. But you can be called Cotton Candy if you like. Oh, Cotton Candy. Well, at least mine ends with Y like an actual pixie.

On Toad Hop. Toad Hop. Or Hopper. I forget what it was. Just Hop. Toad Hop. Toad Hop. I'm going to have to write these down. So if you're unhappy with being called Bright Might, I can give you one other name. Yeah, it's bright much stupid. Do something else. Can I only see the options? Do I got to commit? I will just pick one for you and you have no choice. All right, just lay it on me. Fucko.

All right, your name is Jelly Bean Starfish. Oh, that's amazing! That's so much more appropriate. Jelly Bean Starfish! Jelly Bean Starfish? Oh, gosh. I can't wait to say your name all the time. When's the last time we saw a starfish? Thank God it was Jelly Bean and not chocolate. I love Jelly Beans. It's all I'm going to say. Why? I feel like a chocolate starfish would be quite a delectable treat.

Let's continue. I've forgotten your name, Gideon. I wouldn't mind eating it. His name is Puddle Mud. Puddle Mud. On toad help. Are you sure you don't want a different name? I've got a name I think would work perfectly for you. Well, sure. I'm going to call you Dimple.

Oh. That's kind of like Dumple. Oh, yeah. Do you shove Dumples here? Oh, yeah, if you head on over to the cart towards the back. Oh. It's the Dumple cart. You hear that, Dimple? He thinks she nameth too much. That's right. I'm Toad Hop. Yeah. I'm Cotton Candy.

Oh, God. What would be a good nickname for me? You're not going to say Jelly Bean Starfish. No, no. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. What about either Jelly Bean? No, that's sort of your thing. Yeah. What about just like Fish? Like, hey, Fish. Yeah.

That sounds like a scampy name. No, Jellybean Starship. Just take it easy. It's Starfish. Yeah, it's Starfish. Oh, I wrote down Jellybean Starship. What's a starship again? I don't know what that is. Ask me again on Saturday. Oh, we could call you...

Oh, but yeah, you were asking about dumples. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you're going to go down the path towards the left, and it's the third dumple door on the right, and it's run by a wizard named Dumbledore. Oh! I bet he loves stretching his legs. LAUGHTER

Does he make the dumples in a goblet? Oh yeah, he used a goblet of fire. You have to put your name in it to be chosen for a dumple. Does he talk very softly? Yeah, anytime you come up, he'll be like, did you put your name in the goblet of fire, Krimmy?

And then if you did, he'll say, "Your dumple is ugly." He sounds like a good friend. I've heard of this. I think he's a member of some sort of a Firebird order. Oh yeah, the Fee Fee Nicks fan club. Oh, they made a fan club already? Well, that'll take a long time. I guess, you know, Feywild's kind of timey-wimey, so maybe it's been like three centuries for them. Okay, off.

- Yeah. - Do you think he has a bathroom inside of that door or does he, do you think he just sort of wands it away? - Oh yeah, it's a very common thing for wizards to just press the digitation their crap away. - What? - What? Is that what you do?

I've seen it before. Wait, what? In a pinch? In a pinch, alright? In a pinch, yeah, sure you do it, but I mean, you try not to. You try to be like a civilized fucking humanoid. Finally some honesty, Jellybean Starfish. Wait, I can't lie! Do you remember the wonderful Wisenheimer at the carnival? Are you telling me he was just shitting on the ground and then making it disappear?

I mean, more than likely. Is that why his tent smelled so bad? Why do you think all those customers got pink-eyed that one time? He was blaming himself!

Well anyway, we're gonna go enjoy some doubles Thank You, uh, Schmexy

It's Minxie, but it's fine. Oh, Minxie. Yep. Minxie. Well, go ahead and enjoy everything. We just met Twinkson.

Yeah, that's fine. Goodbye. You know, I forgot about all those customers who got pink eye. We ran the worst carnival. And we start to make our way to the third door to the left. Do you make your way into the Pixie Kingdom proper? The Pixie Kingdom is a tranquil oasis compared to the rest of the bustling carnival. The

The air is filled with the aroma of blackberry wine and flower blossoms. Eight brightly painted doorways are nestled in the bark at the bases of the surrounding trees. Now remember, we're not just here for fun and games, though I will be here for the games and the fun. Oh, me too! We're also here to look out for the individual that we want to speak to. All right, well, can you just use your, like, keen goblin nose to, you know, sniff her out?

Last time I did my spirit beast magic, I turned into... No, no, no, none of that. Just goblin stuff, right? What? I mean, you're still like a little monster guy, right? I mean, you're a monster guy. No, I'm more like a gator guy, you know? What's the difference? He's more like a genie guy. We're both from swamp towns. He's like a tiger guy, and you're like a little monster guy. I'm a little fella. I'm like a little fella.

I'm like a little fella. Monster fella? I mean, I like monsters. I mean, they'd be quite nice if I was a monster fella, but no. I'm a goblin. Very different. Say, could we cook two meats on one fire by going on the Ferris wheel and perhaps observing the full Pixie Kingdom and seeing if we see any suspicious behavior? I think it's pronounced Harris wheel first of all, but I mean, we could. Yeah, I guess we could. No, ours was the Harris wheel.

Oh. Harris? Yeah, the Harris wheel. Wait, they call it a Ferris wheel? They call it a Ferris wheel here, yeah. Why would we call it Harris? If there's a joke in here, I'm not getting it. That's just, I mean, oh, maybe it was while you were gone, but Crickle made reference to the Harris wheel at the carnival. That Gideon engineered.

Yeah. And if we couldn't legally use the word, Ferris wheel is trademarked. Is that true? Yeah, so they paid for the licensing to use the term. And so Clemmie's like, oh, I ain't paying no inspectors. Also, fuck IP. Well, good thinking. That's very good thinking. I haven't met an intellectual property that I haven't been able to steal. Oh.

I mean, talk about enforcement. Who's gonna enforce it if you can just, you know, fly by an ant? That's why we called it the Harris Wheel. That's why it didn't really look like a wheel. It was more of like a... It was more like oblong. And yeah, it was very avant-garde in its construction. Mm-hmm.

Maybe that's why so many people fell off it and broke their backs. I remember their screams as it rolled away. Oh, yeah, that was a fun caper. And then Gideon's like, Gideon was like, I gotta build another one, Grimmy. Yeah, I'll fix that, bro. And you're like, Gideon, why don't you get to it?

Is that what I sound like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many people have you killed? Yeah, well, I mean... And Owen and all the parents were like, oh, you gave all my kids pink art. And Kermit was like, oh, what do I do? You need to pay extra for the pink art. They had normal regular arts, and congratulations, they are so pink now. Amazingly, some people did pay. Oh, no, I couldn't believe it. LAUGHTER

We make our way to the fucking fair. The hell was not bad, fellas. I mean, it was okay, right? We had some fun. We had some fun times. I mean, it was a bit of a body count. No, I mean, he didn't kill anyone. He just manslaughtered a few dozen people. Yeah, and some of my creations killed people. Yeah, it was more of criminal negligence. And you can't spell laughter without slaughter, so that just seems... Exactly right.

So the clowns have come to learn. Was the wonderful Wisenheimer one of the carnies that rose up against us or did he quit before that? No, I think he like died in the gutter before any of that happened. Oh, he did? Yeah, he fell asleep. He just, I think he accidentally drank like wood alcohol and just died instantly. It wasn't wood alcohol. I thought it was grain alcohol.

Oh, no.

You know, I'm starting to see a theme and all comes back to my arminal negligence. I'm just glad he's not a clown. That's all I can say. Can you imagine if Wisenheimer was haunting me right now? Oh, God. That would be crazy. That would just be terrible. Before he became Wisenheimer the Wizard, he was known as Wisenhonker the Clown. Oh, no. No, no, that's not it. Then we got his full resume. Oh!

Oh, the Dumpelstation! Oh, Dumbledore! Hey, Dumbledore, you like something to do? I say calmly. - You are standing outside of the Dumpelstation and you see that there is a wizard in half moon glasses, long beard and long hair.

A robe and hat emblazoned with moon and stars, very beautifully embellished. A phoenix rests on a perch behind his back as portraits line the stall, a moving portrait showing wizards of ages past just going about their days as he looks towards you and calmly says, - What's your name, Mr. Goblova? - Oh, can you just throw me a dump hole?

I would love one. Cotton candy, here. The goblet glows red for a second and then blue as it flies out and he hands you a gigantic dumbbell.

It's very hot, thank you. Oh, oh, how good, take a bite. Yeah, let us know. I don't even know if I want to-- It's very clearly a soup dumple and it is just filled with sloshing warm soup. It's leaking out quite a bit. They're not a bowl or anything like that? Oh, I'll speak wizard.

It's going good. I'm gonna pull out my puppet. Hey, be careful with that thing! Okay, it's killed already. Oh, hey! I look around for clowns. Oh, hey, Dumbledore! I love a good popstick!

Goes real good with General Tso's chicken. Now, I've always wondered who the heck is General Tso and how does he make such good chicken? I guess it'll be one of the world's greatest mysteries. No, there's a whole story about it. He looks at you

and smiles with a twinkle in his eye as he reaches down below the counter and pulls out a puppet of a very greasy looking man with dark black hair. And he starts going, "Snake, snake, snake, snake, snake, snake, snake, snake." - I don't speak wizard. Well, that looks quite nice. My name is Toad Hop.

And I'm going to put two Ps. And the same thing happens, you get your fucking dumple. I think I'm good on this one. Hold on, I'll think of this. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Wow, that's impressive. Yeah. Well, I always got room for a mid-afternoon snack. Dimple. Dimple looking for a dumple. Here you go. You are given your dumple. Coffee. Oh, anaconda. Oh, yeah, wow. Oh, my gosh. Oh, the whole thing without swallow. It's like anaconda style.

Oh. Oh, man. A very John Boyden. That was remarkable. All in one go. Oh, that was enough. That was pretty good. Crack this on, Frost. Yeah, actually. It's a little warmer earlier.

You sure you don't want a dumple? No, I'm good. I always get third degree burns on my tongue when I try to eat those things. Oh, yeah. I'm going to pass. You could have a dumpling. They're like very small ones. He's a little aggressive. I'm not really liking his energy. So I think we'll just move on if you don't mind. What to do, friend? I love unicorns. We're going to leave. He nods at you and says nothing else. Hey, goodbye. Hey, thanks for the dumple.

If you see genitals so, thank you for the chicken. Zeke! Zeke! Zeke for Zeke! Sounds like you said genitals. That's pretty funny. Well, let us see, now that we've enjoyed... It's, you know, they're not ever as good as you hope they'll be.

You know, they're like, okay. Yeah, that's why. And like, you know, the one, you know, it's a little, just this kind of taste is on the outside. You notice that towards the very middle, it was cold. Yeah. It reminded me of home. It was quite good. It was a little bit slimier than you'd expect. I mean, I like slimy. Could have used a little bit more leachiness. That's what happens when you try to buy a dumbbell from a pixie, really. He was a wizard. He was a little wizard. A wizard in Pixie Kingdom, really. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, let's go to the trademarked Ferris wheel. Yes, let's do that. You make your way to the Ferris wheel and you know that... We sing happy birthday to you the entire way. Happy birthday to you. You have to flip it around in order to...

And that's public domain. We're probably good there, right? Happy birthday is public domain. It is now, but there was a time that it was... Yeah, and I think someone might have bought it. Well... Because I don't think they can sing it in movies anymore. I think they have to do new happy birthday songs. Oh, what a nightmare. It was definitely true that it was copyrighted because that's why they have the birthday song that they do in Futurama. That...

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know at the very least that's the reason why they did the, let's all have some cake. What day is today? Which is a better song. I fucking love that song. It's Frosty's birthday. Oh, thank you. What day for a birthday? I didn't think you'd remember. Let's all have some doubles. I thought you were going to say cake, and then we're going to take it in a sexual direction like we always do.

We go to the Ferris wheel. You make your way to the Ferris wheel and this part of the Pixie Carnival is actually kind of empty, but the hamster looks incredibly excited as you make your way up towards it. One of the Pixies, Bixie, is hanging out here managing the carnival and she looks at all of you, or managing the Ferris wheel, "Oh, so you came to get on the Ferris wheel. You want a ride here?" If that's possible. Does it require an additional ticket punch or is it free?

Oh no, it's totally free. Everything inside of Pixie Kingdom is free once you get punched in. It's all included, not that they're free. Oh no, it's totally free. Alright. As in there's no exchange of funds. We'd like to get on. Yeah, sure. Biscuit's happy to give you a ride. Biscuit? Biscuit? Yeah, the hamster. Oh, what a cute name. That's a pretty cute name. That's a really cute name. Does he or she love biscuits?

I don't know. What does the hamster like? I've never fed it. I don't know. What? This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Avantris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas. Shroud over salt marsh.

You can also go to thecrookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Do you think Biscuit likes bananas?

Yeah, maybe. Do you think Biscuit would have a really terrible banana allergy and I would regret feeding it a banana? What do you all think? Well, it's more like a spectral monster spirit banana, right? Well, no, it's a real banana delivered to me by a spectral monster. Do you like to dance?

"Yeah, I do actually, quite a bit." Do you want to dance with me? "Yeah, sure." Forever? "No, no, no. I got a lot of stuff to do. I'm going on an adventure. I guess I don't have any pets or kids, so I'm a bit of a purge-loon."

I got no responsibilities, but you know, I can't be... So what do you have to do that means that you can't dance forever? I mean, I gotta walk, I gotta sleep. We kind of have a date with destiny after this whole carnival thing's over. We gotta, you know, do grand things and save the world kind of deal, you know what I mean? Forever can just be like 15, 30 minutes, and the answer will be yes. Do you want to dance for 15 to 30 minutes? Uh, yeah, could we do like a flash dance style? Can we keep it to like 10 to 15?

Why don't we all dance? Yeah, do you guys all want to dance? Can we do like an 80s montage? I want to get on the Ferris wheel. Oh, you know what we could do? We could kind of do like a flash mob and get everyone in on it. Yeah, and then we'll film it for YouTube and it'll be very cringe. And we have to do like the weird squatting thing, you know? Oh my goodness.

You know what we could do? We could dance in unison. Oh, are there any werewolves here? No, no. You know what we could do, though, which would be really cool? I mean, it's nowhere near spooky season, but if we dance to Thriller, that could be awesome. That's what I was trying to say. Oh. Ba-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

Do we get like a prize for doing this? I'm not sure, but I feel like if we were able to make it work, that you could at least have a really good shot at becoming the Witchlight Monarch. Oh, that's a good point. I mean, would it make you happy? Oh my god, it'd make me really happy. Okay. Yeah, we gotta make this carnival happy, okay? Let's do it. Okay, well...

Wow, that was way easier than I thought. And you watch as she picks up a conch shell and she speaks into it. Attention, everyone in Pixie Kingdom. Dionysus Knight is kicking off. Anyone who wants to be a part of the Thriller Flash Mob, please make your way over to the Varus Wheel and to Biscuit's zone. Here with me, Bixie, we are going to go ahead and get ready. Um...

Costume supplied by the carnival. Oh fuck does it? Oh, no, we don't have costumes Why don't you ride the ferris wheel first while everyone makes their way over and I'll make sure that we have costumes for the flashmob That's fantastic. It's a great idea. I appreciate it Bixie. Well, I'm so excited. Everyone's oh, this is gonna be great. Mr. Light is gonna love this You don't say. Biscuit nice job. You're doing great. So you're talking to Biscuit? Mm-hmm

Nice job. Thank you so much. I really, really love running the Ferris wheel. It makes me super, super happy. Do you have bananas? I've never had bananas before, but I really like acorns. Sometimes I like to have grass. Grass is kind of okay sometimes. If it rains, it's really good because it's covered in soil, which I love a lot. You guys want to get in? I can go really fast or I can go really slow depending on how you're feeling about it. But I really like to go really, really fast because that's a lot of fun. Sometimes it gets only bad because they get scared. Let's get on.

You should talk to a doctor and mention the word diabetes. I get on. Is this speech coming out of his mouth? Yeah, this is very clearly an awakened spell cast on the hamster. Oh. All right, well, I mean, he can hook you up with some bananas. Yeah, I mean, if you need a source for bananas, you know...

You make your way onto the Ferris wheel and it begins to move. And while it does, Biscuit is just chatting away. I really enjoy working at the Pixie Kingdom. It's so much fun here. The Pixie's wings move really fast. I get to constantly run in this wheel. I love running in this wheel. I can run in this wheel all day long. I hear a lot of stuff, you know, being on this, running the Ferris wheel because a lot of people don't talk to me. A lot of people don't even know that I can talk to them.

speak. So they just sit in these things and they just talk and talk and talk about all their experiences. And I just sit here and listen and I listen and I listen and I go round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and it's so much fun. And I really like it. Hi, my name's Biscuit, by the way. What's your name? My name is Morning Frost. Oh, good day, Morning Frost. It's really nice to know you. I'm Biscuit, by the way. My apologies. I'm actually being called Cotton

candy. Oh, hi, Candy. I'm Toad Hop. Hi, Toad Hop. Yeah, I'm Dimple. Hi, Dimple. Why do I do? I'm Jelly Bean Starfish. Oh, Jelly Bean Starfish is a really good name. I can say that over and over and over again. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish. Jelly Bean Starfish.

Starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish, jelly, starfish,

That was a lot of banana. I don't know how fast you are with those bananas. Use your practice. Biscuit, you say you listen to the other people instead of having this nice conversation that we're enjoying that we are listening to people as they go around. Oh, yeah, yeah. I listen to people all day long because they just think, well, I'm here in Pixie Hollow. That's just a hamster. That hamster's not listening to me. Why would that hamster listen to me? It's a hamster because they don't say, oh, hi, Biscuit. It's nice to see you today. Or they don't pet me.

Hmm. Well, the pets will be coming soon. If you could say, what was the strangest or most suspicious or disturbing thing you've heard today out of curiosity? Is there anything that seemed nefarious?

oh, I don't know about Nefarious. I've never met them before. But I was running this thing, like, I don't know, maybe like 10, 15 minutes ago. And there was this really, really cute halfling girl that was sitting on here. And I was like, wow, that's a really cute halfling girl. I haven't seen a halfling girl in a long time. She was really nice. She had pigtails and her hair was kind of pink, which you don't see often in halflings. What? Was she sad? No. You know, the fact that they're called halflings implies that there must be a halfle

That's ridiculous. Why would that imply anything for us to do? You know, for being as small as you are, you say a lot of dumb stuff. LAUGHTER

Hey, that can't go right. You're the stupidest one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you happen to get a good look at this happen? Did she kind of like move around like a jerky bird style motion? You know what I mean? I don't know what a jerky bird would even look like.

But what I will say is she was muttering under her breath about how she met four really, really stupid people and she didn't understand what Mr. Light wants with them at all. And it must be some kind of weird game. It can't be what we're looking for. We're really smart. Yeah, no, and we saw Halfling Girl too, but she ran away from her betrothed.

Or would be, but she really- Oh, you mean kind of like how Palasha ran away from Candlefoot the Mind because he lost his voice and now their love is doomed to never move past what it is now and she cries all the time and she really misses him. I'm gonna say it!

That's fair because she's a mermaid. I gotta say, there's not a whole lot of communication amongst these couples in a fair while. That halfling girl sounded just like Candlefoot before he lost his voice. It was really, really weird, but it was kind of nice because I liked Candlefoot a lot. Sometimes he would come here and hang out with me and talk to me. Even though he was a mime, I feel like he liked to talk a lot because he couldn't talk a lot when he was a mime. He'd come in and he'd talk to me and we would talk all

all the time. And he would sit in here, yeah. And he would talk to me and talk to me and talk to me. And I really liked his voice. It was really cool that she was sitting here talking to me because I kind of miss Candlefoot, you know? - I have a question. - What? - Was Candlefoot, you know, being a mime and all, like, was he very welcome on like Diognosis night? You know what I mean? Like on a list or something?

Kind of a sexy, pussy kind of guy. Oh, I don't know about that. I think Canapote only had eyes for Palasha, you know? He really loved Palasha. What did he like about her? What were her favorite assets?

- Well, he really liked her personality. He thought she was really cool. She had a lot to say and you know, she'd been through a lot and they really kind of, you know, all she ever does is sing and people just always want her to sing. And he kind of felt like all he ever did was mime and all people ever wanted him to do was mime. And so they really had a lot that they felt was in common and they talked and they really loved each other. It was sweet. - People wanted him to mime?

Some people enjoy mimes. Well, I don't know if people wanted him to mime, but that's what he was hired to do, so that's what he was supposed to do. Is it hard to listen in on people's conversations when you're running so fast you got the Harris wheel moving like a fucking power mixer? Yeah. The entire time. Are we all in one of those? Yeah. Well, I would say you're in two carts. It's two per cart. Hey, Biscuit! Run as fast as you can right now! Okay!

My dumple's coming out! LAUGHTER

That was an unnecessary physical comedy right there. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm here.

If everyone walks away comfortable from this table, we failed. Has Thacko the Clown been on the ride recently? Thacko doesn't come to this ride. Thacko's kind of a miserable fuck. I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that. This is a children's carnival. Oh, wait, it's Dionysus night. He's a miserable fuck. He sounds like a miserable fuck. Oh, yeah, we hate Thacko. It's Thacko.

That's what I'm saying. That's what he's saying. He ain't fucko. He's a fucko. He rhymes.

That's just sort of how he talks. He's just mean. Anytime I've come around him, he's like, shut up. You talk too much. Shut up. Nobody wants to listen to you, biscuit. Wait, where is he? No, no, I'll hang around. That's what I was going to say. Oh, that's what I was going to say. He wanders around and just listens to people's conversations and stuff. He's awful. He's always trying to get on Mr. Witch and Mr. Light's good side. Do you know if he has any allergies?

Food-borne allergens of any kind. Oh, I'll also take some. I think he's got a peanut allergy. Oh, I'm so glad you said peanut. Get the peanut pop guns ready. Oh, wow. He's pulled those out Donkey Kong Jr. style that way.

Grigor's been working on a Diddy Kong cosplay for quite some time. Oh yeah, Diddy Kong, my apologies. It's my, you know, also my friend Chunky. He's dead. I picked up Chunky's peanut pop guns in his quest for Van Damme. Rewinding just a little bit, Biscuit, did you see where this cute halfling woman went when she got off?

I mean, it's Dionysus night, but... Oh, the ferris wheel. I didn't. I wasn't really looking. You guys came up right after. Is Fakko a clown?

Do you mean Thacco? Thacco the Clown? Is Thacco a clown of time? We know he's a clown. Do we know that for sure? That's a good question, Griggo. What's in a name, as they say? Is Thacco the Clown a clown? That's your question to the hamster. Yes, the clown could be like, oh, it's a Trixie Faye paradox. It's all wrong.

I don't think that Gideon should join us when we confront Pac-Man. What? Why? I agree. You're going to touch him and it's going to be like turning on a blender to full speed without the top on. It's going to fucking move. Listen, you know, no! I don't think that's going to happen. Oh, we're home!

You're rubbing your muscles down with peanut oil. Oh, I forgot how to do that. I was going to hug him as a greeting. Ah, shit, I forgot I was covered in peanut oil. You want some boardwalk fries?

They're good. There ain't peanuts. These are fries. You grease yourself up every 15 minutes more frequently than you water that crown. No, I water the crown. Oh, damn it! No, you waterboard the crown. Which I'm pretty sure is a war crime.

Well, shit. That was a manslaughter, Mom. Biscuit, I know it might be difficult, but can you pause so that when I'm... He immediately stops. Oh! Oh! Got me right in the choker. Thank you. And if I'm at the top point of the hill, I'm going to look around for a cute halfling woman. Okay, roll an investigation check. Uh, uh...

I think I might have to use a twist. Can we help him look around? He can use a twist, yeah. No, I mean like giving him advantage. I mean, because you have so many twists, I'm gonna say no. I'm feeling twisty. Yeah, there is no more help in this fucking campaign. I'd like to help him, but I'm looking for any beautiful women, so I'd like to give him disadvantage on the roll. I mean...

Are you using a twist? I'm picking a twist. And that's much better. I'll have a dirty 20 for that purpose. And for the twist, do I roll or do you just want to start grabbing them? For your twist, for my twist, I roll for you. Because I'm choosing which ones I want. When I'm 54. That got me, Joe Gideon.

Oh, it popped to the other side of your face. That would be really, really hard to do. I'm gonna have you roll again. Okay. I think he wants you to punch back into place. It's for the old-- 33, we didn't get rid of that. You want me to run and leap and knee your jaw back into place. That's the Popsicle Maneuver. 80. Oh no, we're supposed to step down. You will unwillingly slip words into your everyday speech. Oh, classic.

You want me to punch you? Or you want me to just like...

Do you guys care if I pee? Like just sitting right here? I assume from the smell you already had. All right, man. Come back. Did you have asparagus for dinner? You have to go again? Did I tell Senpai here? Jesus. Oh my god.

And you look around and I will say that you do see that off in the distance there is clearly a halfling girl with strawberry blonde leaning closer to pink than blonde hair actually staring up at the carnival or at the ferris wheel and noticing you. Do we meet eyes? I would say yeah, you do meet eyes. Here we go.

The hyper indicated that we're looking for is just down there. Do you see? Do you see her? I hit my head real hard when we stopped suddenly. Just as we maintain game state. Your jaw is broken. Do you need healing?

I was gonna have Gideon punch me in the face, what do you think? It's worked in the past, I don't... I guess I should have some bananas. I'm fine now.

Oh, don't pee that. Is Goodberry a fucking tantrip? Yeah. No, it's a level one spell. I'm using literally all my spell spots. That's good. When we tackle Mr. Witch later, I'm sure he's not going to destroy you horribly. He'll enjoy it, that sick bastard. We need to get off of this histonette thing.

Why? Because we have to follow Kettle Street. Kettle Steam. Is it Kettle Steam or Kettle Steen? I thought it was like, "Oh, I'm Kettle Steen." Oh, it's Kettle Steen. I thought it was like Frankenstein, Falkelstein. Kettles don't stream very frequently. I think steam is the more natural and obvious choice. I thought it was like, you know, like a family name, like Falkelstein. Okay. I thought it was Falkelstein. A biscuit.

- Yeah. - How much more time do we have in the roundy? - As long as you want. We could have stopped five minutes ago. And you realize you've been on this Ferris wheel for about 15 to 20 minutes. - Is there anything else that you could tell us? Anything interesting and worth mentioning?

Oh, my favorite color is purple. I really love purple. Green's pretty cool, too. Okay, cool. I love green. I have not had a day off since I started this carnival 47 years ago. What? I really love running the Ferris wheel. My favorite night is definitely Dionysus night, but what comes close is Fright Night. But I do get a little spooked. Ooh, which Fright Night? Oh, it passed already. Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's the last night, so. Oh.

And so it's been a lot of fun. I don't like kids. Sometimes they spit on me and they're loud. What? Yeah, I'm with you there. Was it Chester Cheeks? That was a curse. Did Chester Cheeks come by here and spit on you? I don't know. That Chester Cheeks is a bad egg. I've had people drop gum on me.

Oh. It's had to be cut out of my fur. This is starting to get sad. I would say try peanut butter, especially because-- I hate peanut butter. I have a peanut allergy. They're actually trying to get rid of any-- Oh, you know of a jar of peanut butter here? Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, that's good, okay. Yeah, just hang on a minute. It's an alchemy jug of peanut butter. Where'd you get that?

You don't carry a giant jar of peanut butter around with you at all times? Yeah. Frosty and I always keep our emergency peanut butter. Cheers, Greggo. Cheers. You can't pour peanut butter. What are you doing? Peanut butter is a solid. It's kind of like... You're trying to scoop

What peanut butter have you been eating? It can be a liquid that you can pour. It's delicious. Hell yeah. Well, I guess I like drizzle peanut butter. Peanut butter topping. Yeah, peanut butter topping. Peanut spread, perhaps? I like peanut spread. So what I meant was more like any kind of interesting gossip that you overheard either today or... Oh, the king isn't well. Dark times lately.

Ever since King fell ill. What? Like your friend NW was saying. My friend NW? Yeah, the big tree. Northwind. Oh, I've never met Northwind. Northwind doesn't come over here. Oh, I guess he's probably too big to fit in this tree. He's probably the same size as the tree we're in now. Yeah. Red comes and sees us sometimes. Red and I got in a huge fight, though.

- Oh, what happened? - Red just doesn't like me. - Oh. - Oh! - Why does he like you? - It's like a personal beef or... - 'Cause I won't stop talking and every time he tries to beatbox, I just talk over him. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh, you gotta learn how to cooperate and collaborate. You need to learn how to stop, collaborate, and listen.

That's really the best-- Red is back with a brand new addition. You really need to, I mean, that's just how you make friends, and you know, you communicate-- Something's grabbing ahold of me tightly! You know, I mean, if it makes you feel better, I accidentally very terribly insulted Red and hurt his feelings quite badly. Oh, he's never gonna forgive, she's never gonna forgive you. Oh!

- Well, we should probably get down now if you don't mind just wheeling us, you know. - Yeah, sure. - And you very quickly are forced down to the bottom of the Ferris wheel and you are allowed to exit.

Thank you, Piscis. It was really great meeting you. It was a pleasure to hand you in, too, as well. What? What? It was a pleasure to hand you in, you as well. Oh, please don't do that. I mean, I guess it is Dionysus night. What? What, you're just around just giving out handies? What the hell?

What the hell are you talking about? All I said was it was a pleasure to handy in biscuit. Why you handy biscuit? And it was a pleasure? Did you do with your mind hand? What have you been doing, Frost? I mean, I know it's invisible, but... Handian? You can get away with anything on Dionysus night. You can. You're acting very histon at all of you. What? What? What the hell is he saying? Ugh.

Can you punch, uh... Hey, are you okay? I think I'm dying of onism. Toad Hop is dying of onism. Yeah, okay. Well, we can fix this. I scoop up behind Gricko in just a giant silhouette. Like a silver light pops in my eye across as I go, Hey, where'd it go?

And just like, cross chop his jaw. Please roll a damage. Yeah, don't you worry. I'm the one worried about this.

Aw, Graco's dead, this goes dark real fast. Just like that one time I downed him in combat. He canonically died. Graco, I want you to roll a d100, please. He's fast!

No, no, no, nine points of damage. It does nine points of damage and immediately your knees smash together, fusing together as you lose the ability to run. Yes, that's how that feels! Oh, I hit my jaw! Well, this has never happened before. Hold on, this is just so inconvenient. I'll just catch up on that.

Oh, God, why does this carry him again? Look, have we tried, like, forcefully separating the legs? Why don't you do it? Let's give it a little practice. Frosty, my fucking legs! I wouldn't do that. My fucking legs, Frosty! When this has happened to me, I... My fucking legs! Make a wish. Psychologically.

I try and separate his legs. You do with a very loud pop. You feel his legs completely separate and break in your hands. We did it! But you hear this sound.

I made a wish. What do I get? Yeah, well, I mean, we actually, I mean, I don't know. I physically overcame a fake curse. And all of a sudden, Gricko, you feel your knees separate by force and you look down at yourself and then you look up at the moon and you realize there was a reason your knees had fused together. It is the full moon on Dionysus night and you are a weregoblin. Gricko, you're looking very fetry.

i don't know what that means but it was very unwise for you to do that giddy what wait what do you mean i thought well i guess you didn't ask for it i just left in ripped her knees apart but what are you doing why are you doing put your hands down what are you doing maybe after you well this is the way i'm aware right as you all know obviously

Rats! Rats! We're the rats! Has he ever done this before? Is this a normal? I feel like you should probably veg as fast as you can. We stalk what? We pray at night. We're the rats. Are you just telling me to kill him? Again? No, no, veg. Veg?

Like, turn him into a veg. Like a veg? Oh, like a vegable. Turn Gatorply, use your Schwindagtorch, and veg. I can't use that on him!

I have a, I must feast on supple halfling flesh and cheese. I'm just going to skitter. I'm going to get our all fours and just like fucking skitter towards Miss Kettlestein. You do, but you are immediately blocked by a pixie.

as Bixie jumps out in front of you and she looks down at you. Oh no, no, no, you made a promise that we were going to have a dance. And she immediately looks at you and she blows pixie dust into your face, a beautiful purple pixie dust. And you are immediately, though you still believe you are a were-rat and you want the taste of halfling blood, dancing is far more important to you.

I'm gonna get you tonight. I'm gonna thrill you tonight. What have you done to me? I must feast on flesh and cheese. Oh, I can't stop this! Why are you-- Oh, it's the burden of my curse! We're supposed to be dancing. I was worried you were gonna go after your flumes, but let's go.

Are we all doing it? Is now the time? Aw man, I get it. Well no, I just had to stop him from fleeing. I do have your costume, so you're gonna have to help him get into his. Stay away from me! Especially if you're made of cheese! I'll hold this klusener back. No, alright, give me his costume. We'll get him in it. Okay, well his costume was of a werewolf, so I think it's close.

i mean he's just a goblin i look nothing like a wolf i'm very clearly aware of it well his costume is a werewolf so here okay well hey come here you gotta put this on all right it's just a shaggy no come on get in all right you're gonna like this this is gonna you know it's gonna feel nice i don't know get in hey quit doing that

I'll try and wrestle him to get him. I'm trying to bite you.

Roll to attack. You can really hit it. Peanut oil didn't work. What are we doing? He's rolling to attack you. Oh, okay. Roll to attack me. I think he's got you. That's pretty good. He got a 71. That's pretty good. Squeak, squeak. Yeah, this is filthy Oswald energy. Thank you, Chad. 20. Amazing. Does 20 hit? 20. Nice try. Yeah.

I activate my chains. I'm gonna speak to you tonight! As you come in and I realize you're about to land your vicious were-rat, your, I don't know, teeth into me, a chain snaps out around your jaw, and instead of clamping it, I just shift you onto frost. And you... Oh! Razzacum! Razzacum!

Dealing two points of damage. You feel the weregat's teeth sink into you and-- Oh my gosh. You have been bitten by this creature, this thing.

- How could you do that, Gideon? - Am I gonna have court moms? Am I gonna have court moms? - I don't know what the hell you're saying, but I know I didn't want him to bite me, now I mean, I got him, okay? - I would say in that though, you were able to get his costume on him and he was a winner. - Zip.

You can keep dancing, I mean, it's not stopping you. Now I'm trying to feast on humanoid flesh and teeth.

Frosty, join me and Marcus. We're going to squeak in the night. We're going to squeak in the night. Squeak, squeak, we're going to squeak in the night. Squeak, squeak, we're going to squeak in the night. We're going to dry west in the night. We're going to dry west in the night. Dry west, dry west. Do we all have costumes? Yeah, let me go ahead and, Frost, here's your Dracula costume. His name's not Frost.

Oh, yes, they call me Cotton Candy. Oh, I'm sorry, Cotton Candy. I was not updated with your names. I'm probably going to be dying of court mumps, but I will take this daytime Dracula outfit. That's a nighttime Dracula outfit. It's got the cravat and everything. Even fake fangs. You sure it's not Friday night?

Well, we're dancing to Thrilla. Oh, okay. This is leftover from Fright Night. Yeah, I had to raid the Fright Night closet to find these outfits so we could all dance to Thrilla. The Dying Night's Night outfits are just naked. You're going to have costumes for the dance. I forgot to tell you, can you roll a wisdom saving throw, please, at disadvantage? Oh, yes, my pleasure. I'm going to bite Gideon again. Oh, you as well.

You don't matter, actually, because you've already failed. You don't matter, Cricu. Ah, what the...

- Wisdom saving throw, you say? - 15? - I'll have a 10. - Oh! - As you don the costume, you realize that there is a magic to this. - Oh. - And that you start to feel the magic of the nighttime Dracula overtake you. Your voice changes. - I'm gonna twist it. - You become the Dracula in all rights.

I have a leaves manure prosper Damn you I twisted to bite Tell me what you rolled on your Now you will be the giant rat who doesn't make any of the room 89

trying to explain shit that's going on. - It's like a yappy little dog! - We're gonna squeak him to now. - You want to marry the closest fae to you and that's Bixie.

Oh, are we going to have a Nutcracker Rat King situation? So anyway, Frost, you put on the outfit and you feel the persona of the Dracula overtake you. And though you know you're Frost, you feel compelled to play the part of the costume you're wearing. Okay.

I'm really getting the roleplay of this. All right, this is all good. He wants to suck your blood. All right, so Brennan- And your Vita cheese. Here's your costume, and she hands you a witch's outfit. It's a sexy witch's outfit. It was clearly made by Leg Avenue. So it's got the fishnet tights and the tiny skirt and the corset, but it's a witch outfit nonetheless. Apart from the corset, I guess. All right.

I need you to roll wisdom saving throw at disadvantage for me, please. Hey, Pixie. Yeah, what's going on? I don't remember what your name was. Eleven. You can call me the Rat King and you would do me a great honor by being my Rat Queen. Oh, yeah, I'm a Pixie, so I can't do that, but thanks. Eleven. Eleven. You, as you draw on the outfit, you begin to feel...

You begin to feel the outfit overtake you. You're still cremy, but you want to play this part. You're a witch, a powerful witch with powers unrivaled by any. Hags, Baba Yaga, they've got nothing on a witch of the woods like you. I replace my top hat with the witch's hat. I get wrinkles and warts that start with a top up.

Well, I don't know why I've been three to eight times my age this entire carnival, but I like how this feels. I'm taking the course a little bit.

What do you think, kid? Oh, well. Just walking around like this? You look very powerful. Thank you. Certainly more powerful than you. Well. Or him, or... I mean, really, any magic user, especially old Dumbled fellow. How tight are you holding on to me? I guess pretty tight.

- No, I'm holding onto you, pretty tight. - How close to Crummy are you? - Yeah, I'm standing right next to Crummy. - He's very close to Crummy. - I'm spreading my curse to Crummy. - And you would, that's very much like it. - Oh, that'll be a 20.

Uh, that'll hit. Two points of damage. You dare to attack the powerful witch of the woods? Hey, quit smacking me! Now we're all to rat-rat. A rat shoot an Elvis Blass in his face. If you miss, it hits me. Eleven. No.

That misses. I dodge into Gideon's arms. Well, the good thing is it missed you, so it wouldn't hit Gideon since you're in his arms. Oh. Gotcha there. Do you really want to be hit by him? No. No. And that. You hit Gideon with it. I'll give you a taste of my magic if you know what I mean. And, uh...

See, I don't have to punish them. They want to be punished. Oh, these are D10s. They're masochists. 11 points of damage. 11 points of damage as Graco leaps into my arms. Hey, don't worry, but you gotta stop...

I scamper away. What do you make me do? Are you actually in trouble? I fall over again. I knew it. It is your, it is your inner were rat coming out. Accept your fate. We will all be rats and we'll also enjoy. You will all be invited to my wedding with this beautiful rat queen big city. I'm not going to marry you. I mean, come on, please.

Who's gonna be my simpleton minion now? - You watch as Bixie flies over to Gideon and slaps him on the face, tosses a little bit of tulip water into your face. And you do come to consciousness.

Fear not, I am going to assist with the medicine. Let me take a look. I will give him a manula. And I reach down and I bite into his neck. Oh, Frosty, are we taking turns? You have fangs, so I will allow it. Oh, terrific. I'll say an advantage because he's laying prone. Oh, that was a two. Uh.

So whatever. 17 plus something. I don't know what your AC is. Yeah, that hits. That hits, yeah. I suck one blood. Oh!

Hmm. Buh. Buh. Who be? Buh. Are you trying to finish him off or just have a taste? Or both? Finish me. I already finished him off. Oh, that's right. The lisp. This. This.

I'll leap forward and try to bite into Gideon as well. Yes, you can. Okay, we're just gonna eat Gideon. I'm far away from being permanent, lady. Carry on. Little hit. Two damage.

It is then that she flies over and smacks you awake. You need to put your costume on, Dimples. Yeah, I am. Have some of my powerful witch's brew. Oh, powerful witch's brew. Just open your mouth. Just open your mouth.

It's just whiskey. That's where I can help. Oh yeah! Oh, that'll wake you up. Trusty, I'm back! Can you put your costume on, please, so we can please get on with this dance? Oh, sorry, my friends just killed me, you know. I mean, cotton candy. Yeah.

And she throws the costume at you. And it is clearly a himbo Frankenstein costume. I'm going to catch it. It sails right between my hands. I bend over and pick it up. You go to catch it. I'm going to catch it like this. And it sails. It sails deep through my fingers. It's over my head. I'm going to...

Why does that feel like a deep cut? So much has happened in the last 10 hours. I don't know if it's that. Yeah, turn around and bend over and pick it up. You do, and it is the equivalent to a Frankenstein costume. I love you, Laura Bailey. I do, but it is not time for this song right now. Tom, shut up!

- Shut the fuck up. - It's Thomason. - Thomason, Thomasona. - It is a himbo Frankenstein costume. Think Frankenstein mixed with Rocky from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

- I didn't know there was a character named Rocky. - Yeah, he's basically just a really buff guy in a gold Speedo. - I put on my gold Speedo. - It's a green Speedo. - I put on my green Speedo. - And you have bolts. - And bolts and that's it. - Oh wow, you look the part of my minion. - Here is my old pal Frankenstein. - I need you to roll a wisdom saving throw at disadvantage. - You have been reborn as a were-rat.

I will name you Klungo. Join me, Klungo. Well, okay, yeah, 12. Yeah, so you fail. You feel them. Yes, you pull on your green Speedo and place your bolts on your neck. You are overtaken by the magic of this costume, though you know you are Gideon. You feel compelled to play the part of Himbo Frankenstein, and that personality overtakes your own.

I've worked on my latest brew and I need Eye of Rat, two of them actually, so if you wouldn't mind mentioning this to me.

Clungo. Oh, actually, I'm aware of that. Clungo thinks the distinction is irrelevant. Together we must dance. Clungo haunts Rattler. This is foreshadowing some sort of the mountain Oberyn Martell situation. Clungo pins the rat to the ground. Squeak! Ah!

Clank! Receives the ghost in the eyes. You murdered her! You killed her! You did other things that I can't say on Twitch. Duh!

"I remove the wear hat." And with more death is also the death of the writing quality on this show. How could you? Oh man, that was, you know, that's gonna get ruined.

All right, so now that you're in your costumes, are you ready to perform this stupid dance to see if we gain the favor of Mr. Light? Because I'm really regretting making this pixie deal with you. Oh! Klunga will dance stupidly. We must all quirm. My cauldron is-- Oh, yes, whatever happens. And you begin to notice that there are about 40 people around you that are all wearing costumes of varying horrible creatures.

that have been pulled from the costume closet for Fright Night. I need you all to roll performance checks. We're doing a group performance check to see how well this goes. Dance with me, children of the court. I am returned. It turns out you were just...

Okay.

Can you tell me what you've rolled? Oh. For what? Oh. Performance check. Oh. For the dance. 24. Eight. I'm gonna twist. Natural 20. 22. Natural 22. Roll a d100 for me. I'll also twist. 74. Roll a d100 for me. You twist again. All right, I'll twist again. I'll twist twice.

Oh, okay. You gain the beauty of the gods as long as you look, as long as you view yourself in a mirror each day. If not, your beauty will corrupt into necrotic horror. I am truly the Rat King. Oh, Bixie.

Squeak, squeak. Come, my little plague rat. Do not be so coy. Let us dine on the fanciest cheeses together. You know, oddly enough, you're looking mighty fine. I am the handsomest were-rat in all of Goblin Topia. I'm feeling a strange need to put my face on your face. Mm-hmm.

Well, don't suppress our need. We are truly where rats are grown. Oh, my yabbo's a-heavin'. Allow me to spread my curse to you. Just a nibble. I feel almost compelled to do this. Let's go behind this tree. Out of sight and behind the dark black curtain. As long as it's not a palm tree.

No. This is why he gives an eight and we all succeed. And she goes with you behind the nearest tree and you hear what it sounds when a pixie climaxes. So what did you get? It just sounds like...

67 for the first one. 67. Hey, listen. Hey, listen. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Ow! Ow! Hey! Oh, hey! Hey, hey! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, squeaky. Can you reroll? 34. Thank you for being prepared.

- 200. - You got a 200? - No, I'm kidding. - Oh yeah. If you get a 200, the taste buds in your mouth swap places with your asshole. You don't want that. - You now believe that you are part cat and you slip meows into everything that you say. - My next one is a 30, I think. - Oh, you had to roll twice? - Yeah. - Oh, jeez.

Do the asshole. There's a matrix. This is a 20. That's a 20? This is a 20. Oh, 20 then. Oh, 20. Oh. I don't know. Tweet, tweet. No, I'm going to have you roll another one. Tweet, tweet.

74. 74. Boo! Boo! I just chucked books at you. Boo! Boo! That's just not fair because you're colorblind. Can you do it again? 41. It's coming up a lot tonight. We've gotten like 83. You begin to bleed profusely from your mouth. So he got the asshole thing. Yeah.

How do you know about my quadrant? You know you had internal hemorrhoids, kid. The name is Klungo. Klungo has poor gut health. Klungo has been putting off colonoscopy too long. Oh, no. Klungo did not get his regimen early enough, and now his bleeding is confusing.

"This is just the result of the most early..." "It's a matrix!" The permutation.

- I can't. - I need to retire from life. - When we started this campaign, Nikki was like, "I think that we might be like three or four sessions "while you guys are at the carnival. "I hope you can handle this." - Yeah.

So you all passed on your performance checks and you do perform a beautiful flash mob to Thriller. Oh yeah! While all of this is happening, right? While all of this is happening. So someone in the crowd's like, wow, Dionysus Knight is pretty fucking cool. Yeah, exactly right. And you do hear the sound of the calliope get even louder as you hear, as you hear...

cheers and applause over the rest of the carnival. You're not quite sure why, what has caused this commotion. But all of the pixies begin to clap and the tracker, the happy tracker goes up by one. Hey! Well, we're back at baseline, fellas. It is at this point that Bixie

Bixie looks to all of you, she is sweating and half naked, as she clings to Gricko's side. - Which half? - The top half. - Okay. - He's clothed. - That's how you do it. - Yeah. And she clings to Gricko's side and, "Oh yeah, while y'all was dancing, "there was someone that wanted to have an audience with you, "so if you could step over into this Pixie Hut "with me for a minute, "I figured we could use a little privacy."

Do we get any taffy before this happens? No, all of the candy-striped pixies are busy at the moment. Is anyone here? I forgot I didn't have to do my rat voice. Was it good for you, too? No, but you know, you're beautiful, so who cares? I hear that a lot. To me, it was like a fine breeze.

Perhaps a gorgonzola.

"Uh, I'm gonna hear you talking about cheese." "Yeah, maybe." So do you guys wanna go ahead and go inside of this house? "I will attempt to turn into a bat, "but really I'm just flapping my cape." "I'm looking, I'll be bothered to enter house." Count Chocula, you are an ordained minister in the state of Prismia, are you not?

You are certainly dressed like one. Diabetes! Conjunkula, my dearest and earnest friend. Yes, yes.

I am the Rat King, as you know. I'm reintroducing myself, my oldest friend. You must marry me and my bride. Oh, I thought you were gonna stop at just me. That would be fine, I'm happy to-- No, I'm committed to my lovely betrothed. I'd be happy to court you and-- I had never thought I was gonna be a wife. You're gonna be the Rat Queen.

I mean, I never thought I was gonna be a wife, let alone a queen. Are you asking me to marry you again? Yes. Yes! This is gonna-- it's all good. Our lives are gonna be very rat themed. That's fine. We really should be hitting the old dusty trail. Georgia's incredibly beautiful, so all right. We're going to eat much cheese. We're going to open up a very fancy French restaurant. And serve everything but French dressing. I hate French dressing.

Okay, so when are we having the ceremony? Do I have time to invite my family and my friends? Yes, but tell them that I am the giant rat that makes all of the rules. Okay, well, I'm going to go

I'm going to go ahead and open the door for you. You can go in and talk to the person who's requesting an audience with you, and I'll go let the rest of the pictures know that we're getting married. Okay, gather your family and your friends and tell them that they can sit where they like. There are no sides. We are all one family. Yeah, sure. I'll tell them that.

All right, see you later. Goodbye, honey. Ah, my oldest friends, I forgot the most important... Hey, Bixie, did you hear? I'm off beyond. And she flies away. Ah, I forgot the most important part of a marriage.

"Our hashtag. "It will be important for all of the photobooth shenanigans "with all of the cardboard cutout sheet slices of cheese. "This is too real. "I'm cringing internally, so let us have our audience." I lead everyone with my cape and I cascade them into the door.

And you do, as you walk in, you're immediately forced into your mouth is a piece of taffy. - Oh, thank you. - Oh, fuck, thank you. - And as you look around, the door shuts. And once again, you are standing in front of a pink haired halfling that looks up at you and says, "This is absolutely ridiculous. "How the hell

Are we supposed to get anything done with you complete imbeciles? How are you not being affected by these waves of magic? Have you... Because I have two brain cells to rub together. No, it's not brain cells. Are we being targeted? There's something happening here. What are you doing, Tom?

Look at what I'm dressed in. I look like a... You willingly put on pixie garb. Yes, because at the time it made perfect sense. Why would you agree to anything with a pixie? At the time it made perfect sense. No!

So are you saying we say no to everything? We're just trying to have fun. I'm saying you need to think about things. No, I think you're right, although I do think the leather corset look is kind of, you know, sharp on you. Yeah, I feel like I just dodged a crossbow bolt. No, I'm pretty sure that you're betrothed to be married to a pixie that thinks that you're gonna ride things like-- Yes, good luck with that one. You've made a pixie deal. But you haven't tried the knight yet, right? Doesn't matter, he's made the deal. He will be married to a pixie. What would that mean?

Whether he was in his right or wrong mind at the time is irrelevant. He will marry that pixie. He didn't sign anything. He doesn't have to. He's dealing with the Fae. Well, but if he believed that he was a rat king that led a kingdom of rats... And now he is required to make sure that she is a rat queen. But what if he was of a different, you know, he was like a different person? It is irrelevant. This is what I'm talking about. We can't get married, guys. How are you supposed to go into Prismir?

How are you supposed to get... You can't even handle the carnival. I don't even have a job. Not a real job. How can I afford having a bunch of rat children? I need you to sit down. We will deal with your marriage afterwards. I sit down with you. I have something to tell you about Mr. Witch and Mr. Light. Oh. I put my top hat back on. I have decided that...

And I hate to say this, you might be my only hope. Which means I have less than one hope for this to resolve itself. Okay. But I will do anything to protect Sibylna. Okay. Is that mad? Well, less than one, but... The last time I was outside of the wagon, I heard Mr. Witch and Mr. Light say something. They were communicating to each other. And I heard them say, that is where we'll end the session. Okay.

Wait, so they said that's where we'll end the session. Fuck off. That's a very strange thing for them to say. Wow, yeah. Why do you think they said that? Do you think they were playing Dungeons and Dragons?

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