Into the Labyrinth | A Witchlight One Shot
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. You have been in the Feywild for longer than most of you would like at this point. You've undergone countless adventures, made a multitude of memories. And oddly enough, this is the most boring the Feywild has ever been. As you find yourselves wandering along a wooded path that seems to just keep going on and on and on.

And though time here is different than it is in the material plane of the Vantress, and you have acclimated to it somewhat, this is strange. There have been no twists or turns, and the heaviness and the thicket of trees on either side of you is far too dense for you to feel comfortable wandering into. As you continue on this path, this straight path forward, the light never changing,

Warm, crisp summer day. Butterflies flit around you. But other than that, the path keeps stretching ever forward. You've been traveling six, seven hours at this point. Just straight one foot after the other. Oh, this is so boring. Any ideas of how we can pass the time?

Well... Shut the fuck up! I was talking to Jeremy! I can barely hear him! He's got a tiny flea voice. Oh, it's Jeremy again? Shut the fuck up, Frosty! I'm trying to hear Jeremy! Are you still there, buddy? Oh, I take my large goblin here and try to cone it down to my nose with a flea that lives in my nose. Thanks, Jack. Oh! Um... I'm not... He says he doesn't have any ideas. Do you think that there's actually a flea inside his nose? I mean, he's been saying that for the last, like...

Three days at least. I mean, I've always thought that. I just wasn't sure whether it could talk. But the flea exists, is what we're saying. There probably are many fleas, if we're going to be completely honest with ourselves. Well, now, I think there's just one. His name is Jeremy. He's a very nice conversationalist. I've tried to introduce you at least three times each. Yes, and the thought of putting my ear up to your nose is...

Not a comfortable idea for me, so I'm gonna continue to decline. I only got a little bit of schmooch on your foot once. Yes, and it'll never happen again. That you know of. Do we think that our destination is right around the corner? Are we gonna have to make camp, perhaps, in these strange woods? Or do you think that something else is afoot? I think we should go left. Is there a left? There is no left.

Oh, wait. Through there? Through the thicket. Yep. I'd prefer to stay on the path. We've not done very well walking off of the path. I mean, you should fucking know that, don't you think? Why, do you think? You think there might be a weird church with random dwarf babies that will then perform a horrible sacrifice and murder civilians? Oh, do you think there'll be a tower

in the middle of the woods where there's a giant pig demon who's gonna disembowel Kremi? That can happen. What, is he doing a very uncomfortably pregnant lady who's going to make vague insults besides disappearing and never to be seen again?

Yes, of all of the above. I can only think of one example of us leaving the path for it to be good. What if we encounter half a god when he's 16 feet tall? Father!

Look, they only appeared to be 16 feet tall because you're so short yourself. Oh, like a perspective thing. Oh, it's like when there's the wall, the Great Wall that keeps out the White Walkers, and there's someone who ever wrote that literally know how tall 700 feet was. You've lost me. I think we've been lost for a long time in the Feywild, Frosty. I would propose that we just continue off into the infinity point that is the horizon at this point. I'm sure we'll find something.

Infinity Point was my old band, why would you bring up those memories? Well, you're in a new band now, it's called Ketchup Lazy Reed. Well, I know that, well, we're the Jawsome Fawesome. The what? Jawsome, like Jawsome, like, you know, George, but awesome. Oh, like Jawsome. It sounded like George-some, I'm like, who's George?

Well, George was to flee before Jeremy. He didn't make it. I suppose that makes sense. If Jeremy has a jaw, it would be appropriate because the three of us have jaws. Oh, no, no, he doesn't have a jaw. He has mandibles.

Well, then we need to think of another name. Ah, fuck! Jawsome Threesome doesn't... I don't think that we want to explore that idea as soon as it came out of my mouth. Oh no, I'll watch it! It doesn't even rhyme, or like, there's no... I actually... ...a little reach, I like... It's not fucking tech! I can Jawsome Threesome off a Hollywood video. Let's keep walking. And so you do. You walk for another hour or two. And that infinity point that you're trying to reach never seems to get closer.

Occasionally you attempt to make your way into the thicket of the trees, and you do, and you wander for a bit before you find yourself spilling back out on what appears to be the same road with the same infinity point. As you keep walking and walking and walking. Well, gentlemen, I think we may be doomed. Why?

Well, I mean, we've been walking for weeks at this point. It's been weeks. About eight hours. We've been walking for weeks at this point. I can't see an end inside, frankly. It's only been about eight hours. Has it been weeks? Has it been another disturbance in the temporal vortex where we go back in time and Frosty starts a bank and makes eight quadrillion dollars? It was much more than a quadrillion. It was so much money. Fuck.

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think any of that's actually happened. No, you all have your previous memories. Oh, we do? Yeah, this is an extension of the old Feywild. I don't have time to start the bank. That never happened. And I tried to teach you about compound interest, but... What? Yes, that's exactly what you said. Yes, I remember very specifically. See, all I got from it was how to form a compound fracture, and then I was screaming for, like, the next...

The next eight hours, it felt like three weeks. It was very painful, yes. Well, I imagine that we're perhaps magically stuck, given the fact that we keep exploding back onto this path anytime we go through the thickets here. Well, I mean, do we just keep walking or do we go back? I mean, I'm worried if we go back, then we're gonna be in the same position. We could try going back and seeing if perhaps there's a way around this forest, uh...

Wherever we came from, we could ask those people. Oh yeah, that guy! The last thing that happened in our lives before we were in this eternal forest. Um...

Well, I mean, we could maybe why don't we split up? There's three of us, right? So we could one of us could walk eternally that way. The other one could walk eternally that way. And then, Draco, you can go into the woods and just see what happens. You think we'll meet a guy who's like this great legend leader and his name is just Dante? You're going to pay for this. Your ribs turn inside out.

I actually think that's a fair idea. If we are truly magically cursed, then the hypothesis is that regardless of which direction we all go, we'll eventually collide with one another again. Like a Mobius strip. Well, I don't know what that is, but it sounds threatening. I mean, do we want to try it? What do you think?

We'll need some way to communicate with each other if there's any issue. I believe I've lost my Rocky Talkie, but I can at least communicate with one of you as long as we're within a mile of each other and no more than six minutes pass, it'll be fine. Honestly, we can close that distance at about six minutes flat. Let's move quickly in the directions that you indicated. See what happens. All right. Who's going forward, who's going backwards, and who's going into the woods? Both of us are going into the woods backwards.

- What do you wanna do? - I think I'll continue forward. - All right then. - Good luck gentlemen. - You all turn towards your direction of choice and begin making your way, Frost, making your way forward towards that infinity point. Kremi, you turn around and head back in the direction whence you had come. And Greco and Jeremy, you turn towards the woods as you begin to make your way. You travel for 30 minutes.

Gricko, before you find yourself back on the path, completely alone. But as you look, you see just ahead of you, a small figure off in the distance looks to be walking towards you. Maybe 15 minute walk ahead of you. Frost, you walk forward. You keep walking and walking and walking. The sounds of the forest surround you. The chirping of animals, the rustling of leaves.

Nothing changes. Crammy. You hear the sounds of frost footfalls fade as you both walk in opposite directions. The scenery doesn't seem to change. It's darker in that direction. More covered by the thickness of woods, but no pinprick of light that you had been following when you'd been walking the other direction. You walk for about 30 minutes or so before you see off in the distance a figure about 15 inches

- Minutes, walk ahead of you. - All right, maybe it's that guy from that thing before that, when we did this. And I'll start like hustling. I'll walk up and try to intercept them. I will say, oh, I can't do anything. - You have Rocky Takis. - Oh, do we have our Rocky Takis? - Yeah. - Outstanding. - Oh, I'll pull out my Rocky Taki and I'll say, oh, Jeremy would like to say something.

Very saucy, Jeremy. I made it through the woods! I made it through the woods, I see somebody heading in my direction. So what you need to do is go back to where we both all separated, all four of us separated, and then make a left into, take a left into the woods, and I would have gone right. So I'm instructing them to go to the opposite direction of which I'm in. And I made it through the woods, I've escaped this eternal prison,

- Of not merit of oceans. Over. - Understood, I'll turn around and follow your directions. I turn around and if I'm walking this way and you went right and you instructed me to go left, then I would go the correct direction. - Frost. Frost, you turn around and you see Kremi standing there, walking the opposite direction that you'd been walking in, maybe 20 feet ahead of you.

And off in the distance, about 15 minutes paces down the path, you see a small figure walking towards Crummy. Well, I think you're right. I think we may be doomed. You hear Frost's voice. So are we just, I mean, we could, you know, maybe just, we could enjoy our eternity here. I mean, we're not here. Oh, do you think we're aging? I mean...

Do you think we'll just be here forever? Like until the end of time or? So you both stop walking? Yeah. You notice that the figure that was walking towards you stops abruptly and just stands and turns, just stands in the middle of the road. There's another, oh, near him. Okay, got it. Guys, you're not gonna like this. I've got bad news. What is it, Griggo? I accidentally snorted Jeremy.

Oh, also, the strange figure stopped walking. He seems very mysterious and he's probably going to disembowel me like the giant pig demon. Good news and bad news. No, it's just all bad news, Frosty. Today is a terrible day. What does the figure look like?

Oh, let me take a look. Over. Roll an investigation check, or perception check. Oh, perception. It's still not great. Ugh. Oh, well, it's an 11. It looks to be fairly tall. Humanoid in shape, but there are differences. The front of the head is elongated, and it appears to have a very large tail.

I think it's a skinwalker. A what? What the fuck is that? It's a monster. It's hideous. It's absolutely disgusting and hideous. Can you hide anywhere? Oh, God, it's green. You're green. Stop yelling. You'll attract the skinwalker's attention. Ah!

- Find the hiding spot. - I immediately just turned around and started looking at-- - The both of you hear from the direction of the small humanoid that was walking towards Kremi, the squeals and yelling just echoing throughout the forest. - I think that you may be near, Kriko. I think I can hear you. I start to seek out the sound and see if I can perceive where the sound is coming from that sounds like Kriko. - It appears to be coming from the person that Kremi had been walking towards.

Crummy, quickly towards that smallish figure. That small green figure? Yes. Wearing roughly Gricko's outfit. Yes. Yes. Yes. Quickly after it. I'll be right behind you, yes. Okay, well, I'll lead the way. I'll take my hat. And you walk about 15 minutes before you come face to face with Gricko, standing in the middle of the path. I'm going to have my ears covered and my eyes shut. If I can't see it, it can't see me.

Uh, what do they do there? Oh, it's you lads! Did you kill the monster? The horrible, hideous, ugly creature with terrible fashion sense? Yes. Oh, well done. Thank you. Did he have any loot? Uh, yes. Did you remember to loot it? Of course, he had this piece of chalk. Oh.

No, it's fine! The creature was known as a magnificent, unsightly, woodcock tinyface. Oh. I knew it would come tinyface. What the world said. Uh, you know, oh, wait, hold on a second! Could you describe a magnificent, unsightly, woodcock tinyface? I think I might be able to do six if I didn't do one. Exclude it in great detail. I spend the next five minutes inventing what I think a skinwalker would look like

based on that description. Just to accommodate Greco. I'm going to attempt to wild shape into a magnificent, unslightly woodcock tiny face. Nothing happens. Ah!

You really would have needed to see it, I think. Oh, maybe it's not a beast. Oh. Perhaps some sort of fey creature. Or an aberration. I need you all to roll a perception check for me, please. Oh, fuck. Crem you with advantage. Ooh. I get a nine. I don't know what my skills are. Yeah, me neither. I just looked up my perceptions. I'm ahead of the curve. Ditto. Nine. Thank you.

Cremie and Frost. Frost, you hear the movement first. But Cremie, you feel the tingling in your nose. A creature is near as you begin to sneeze voraciously. Glitter spinning everywhere. As out of the underbrush, a small worm wiggles its way out. And it looks up at you with its...

- Tiny face. - Oh God, I think that thing's enamored with me. Get away, get away from me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - It does begin to move towards you a little bit. It does seem to be enamored with you more so than everyone else. - Look, look, man, look, I'm not a worm. I'm totally different. I'm like 38,000 times your size. I mean, look, it wouldn't work anyway. - It brushes up against your leg. - What's the buzzing?

Do you hear that? Probably. Yeah, I did hear that. It's probably my word of thumb. It's never happened before. I think the world has a business proposition to me. Does that mean we would have to do... Do what? Do what? Do what?

We would have to do work. I'm so glad you said work. But it moves around you and it brushes up against your leg. This is not a tiny worm. This worm is about three feet long. Oh, God! Oh, my God! About a foot and a half around.

Is it like an earthworm? Yeah. It's three feet and a foot and a half. It's like Deanna Sausage. Yeah. You know me and my legs. It's like a stretched out basketball. I almost

I was going to say two feet around. But it's got this tiny little face right on the front. I'm imagining it's literally a Vienna sausage, but it's the face of the bull worm from Spongebob. Earthworm, too.

- Oh, he's got big ol', I think the little dots. Anyways, earthworms. - Does it have earthworm-like skin? - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, it's a little-- - That's disgusting. - I gotta get rid of this thing, I'm allergic to things. - Yes, and you're also very sparkly. - Well, I mean, you're all sparkly now, I really apologize, I do. - Oh, Jeremy, what do you think we should do?

Oh, gosh. Jeremy, that's... I thought you snorted, Jeremy. You're making me blush. Oh, he crawled back out. Oh, well, that's a shame. Well, I only have a few days rations in my pack, so perhaps we won't go hungry, at least for the foreseeable future, if we were to... And as you say that, you hear from this creature...

Well, if you're hungry, I could make you some food if you want to come to my house. Oh, you are sentient and can speak language. My apologies. Yes, I've got a face and a mouth and a tongue. Yes, there are many creatures who have those features who aren't able to articulate themselves such as yourself. My name's Willy Worm. Hello, Willy Worm. My name is Morning Frost. How are you?

I'm doing well, your friend smells good. And he's sniffing with his... Do I just keep sneezing internally? Yes. I can't... I'm sorry. Do you need a kerchief or something? Perhaps that'll... You seem to be allergic. Maybe you, Willy Worm, were a baller. These things happen...

- Oh, good, good. - Oh, I don't mind, I like glitter. - I wanna take a handkerchief out and shove each end of it in each nostril to try to help it if I can. - It doesn't help.

I'd sneeze out the handkerchief and see if it shoots under his face. - Oh, fuck! - And I'll just turn and I'll just try to get away from him until I stop sneezing. - He seems a little hesitant to let you go, as there's something about you that he's drawn to, but he's engaged in the conversation with Frost, so he willingly lets you move away and you're able to get about five feet distance from him and that tempers your sneezing. - Thank you for being so willing, Willy.

You're happy to. You look lost. I think we know where we are, but we can't seem to progress onward from this location. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Mr. Worm, may I call you Mr. Worm? You can call me Willy. Oh, can I call you Big Willy, because you're so little girthy? I'd rather you didn't. I wish you'd just call me Willy. What about Thick Willy? No, I think I like Willy best.

We're gonna be blinders, we gotta have a cool nickname for you.

What do we think, Laj? If you're gonna be part of our new band... I can't play an instrument. Can you sing? Nope. Well, you can just play the tambourine. We can teach you to play an instrument. I don't have any arms. You don't need arms to play the tambourine. Have you ever met a tambourine player? No, I don't think so. We can just put a washboard up onto a stump, and you can just get up on the top and roll down, and then it'll probably create some kind of cadence musically that we can enjoy.

I don't think I want to do any of that. I forgot what I was going to ask, really. I'm sorry. Oh, no! I wanted to see if you were lost, but if you're all right, I'll just go back into the woods. No, no, we are lost. We are lost, and we need help to get out of these strange, mysterious, maze-like woods. It's almost as if we're in the Lost Woods. We are in the woods in Lost.

And we would love help if you are a magical creature native to these native lands. Yeah, I live here. I just live like 10 feet away. Oh, well, we'd love to go enjoy a nice meal in your house and I promise that nothing bad will happen. I think you might be too big to fit in my house. That's probably true. But if we can sit around your house, then we can converse and you will have the amenities you're used to. And you want to stay there forever? Well, we're, now, we seem to be stuck here forever, so perhaps we are. Why don't you just walk over there and go through the woods?

There's an exit right there behind you. How fast are you? Will you join us and we'll test that theory? Because we've been trying to do that and we just keep ending up here. There's an entrance right behind you. And you turn around and where once there had been a wall of trees, there is now a beautiful stone archway with gilded roses and vine filigree winding up around it that leads into what looks to be a flower-filled grove.

I kick Willy and jump towards the arch. Roll an attack! Use your catcalls. Oh, well that wasn't here before. Moments ago. No, it's been there the whole time. You just weren't looking for it. Well, the Feywild can be a little strange to people who are new to it such as us. I promise you, we looked in all directions. There was no arch to be found.

Why are you trying to justify not being a dumbass to a worm you just met two minutes ago, Frosty? Because I'm not a dumbass. Oh, I'm sorry, oh, Mr. Worm. I'm just a wormy willy. I'm sorry. I swear I'm cleverer than you presume because I couldn't find an archway. That's so stupid of you, Frosty. Your offer is very generous. I'm sure we'd all enjoy a meal.

Can you stop being some kind of creature? Can we like say, since you're sentient, I mean, does this even really apply? What are you talking about? Well, I mean, you know, the whole thing is like you're enamored with me, but I'm allergic to you. It's this sort of weird like horrible blood curse. I gotta get home to my wife.

Oh, you have a wife. Oh, you don't want to bring this in. You weren't wearing a ring, so I didn't want to assume. He slinks off backwards into the woods and you never see him again. Oh no, there's the ring right around the base of his tail. Uh oh. You notice how it's a little bit darker, right?

Oh, that is just fucking disgusting. I love Willy Worms. This is the next four hours, folks, buckle up. All right. I have made some very poor decisions. Are we doing dinner with that guy? We've been traveling for eight hours. He's gone. You're not a little peckish? Oh, he's gone.

I think it's a really good idea that we didn't let Cody anywhere near Wormy Willie's wife. Oh, that's fair. It would be a very different kind of adventure. That's fair. I mean, we could probably find him 10 feet in history. He could probably listen to us right now. I mean, he's like totally gone. I mean, he can probably do the whole teleport thing. Hide your wife, Willie! Hide your wife, Willie!

What is that supposed to mean? Excuse me, Gregor. I'm just saying you have a way with all of the unmentionable creatures that no one else cares. I mean, even Jeremy. Every time I talk about, oh, what do you think of that crummy? I'm like, Jeremy, take it easy. You think I would stoop so low as a worm? Yes. I mean, look, you know, it doesn't even have limbs.

- Uh-huh. I look to make sure the arch is still there. - It's still there. Looking at it, you see that in the gilded iron that's shaped like twisting vines and roses, at the very top of the arch, there is a name, Woods of Eternal Sorrow. - Oh no. - I don't wanna go in there. - Well, I think that that's our only option unless you wanna go and make up to Willy. - Unless you lock your turn left or right.

Now, I mean, I think this is where we're supposed to go. Um... Alright, fellas, well, what do you think? I don't think we have any options. Let's go through and... and let's try to keep our wits about us. These are strange woods.

- All right, there's so much glitter everywhere and you know, it never fucking gets out. I'm gonna try to like press the digit, see. - But even the power of press the digitization doesn't get all that. - There's still like in the sun, the right angle, there's still holes, you can see it. - You can never clean off all the glitter. - Nope.

And so you turn and make your way in? We're going in. You turn and make your way in under the archway, and it is... There is a gentle breeze that wafts past you as you make your way in, and you know this to be the Summer Court. You've been traveling here a short amount of time, less than any of the other courts that you've visited, but it is a...

It is eternally the mid-afternoon with a soft, gentle breeze and the smells of vibrant, verdant flowers assailing your nostrils. The scent is sweet and beautiful. And for you, Cremie, it...

it clears your sinuses in a way that you were not suspecting. And you can breathe at least for the moment as you make your way beneath the archway into what appears to be a large hedge maze. And as you look this way or that, you're met with a wall of green.

You look to your left and you look to your right and it seems to be long pathways that extend down each side and jut off into random directions. And as you turn to look behind you, where there had been an archway, there is nothing but a wall of green. I need you all to roll a d6 for me, please. - I got a six.

- Oh, sorry, I need you all to roll a d20 for me, please. 'Cause each one of you is afflicted by something. The ones that have been given to you by the Twists of Fae are for the entire session. These ones are until a certain point. So these ones will fall off. Tell me what you got. - 14. - Five. - Gricko, you believe you are the world's greatest bard. - Oh, classic. - What did you get? - Classic. - Five. - Your breathing is loud and obnoxious.

Believe it or not, I'm the greatest bard and you guys are lucky to be around me. 12. Every time you speak, you neigh like a horse at least once in every sentence. Guys, paddling around with a croc and a cat. Excuse me? Who could it be? Aren't you a crocodile?

- Rick, how long have we been together? - Wait, what? - How many fucking people have I corrected?

And you still think I'm a crocodile? I remember when Rock was young. Me and Frosty had so much fun. Grillo, now is not the time for us to work on our songs for the Ketch Blazerbean band. Why are you vibing down like a triangle player? You're like a tambourine player.

I'm not sure. Look, I'm an alligator, not a crocodile. There's a gigantic world of difference. A fucking ocean of difference, you understand? There's an ocean of difference? Yeah, and why- There's an ocean of difference between our musical talent as well, and I mean, I still- I reside beside you lot, and I elevate you within the band. I'm doing all the work here. I'm the only one that anyone cares about in this band.

You think a dr- you being a drummer makes you a musician? Well, I also can sing about as well as a drummer as the world's greatest bard. Grimmie, I know that you just spent the last 30 minutes... sneezing a lot.

But could you do something about that very obnoxious breathing sound? Like blow your nose or something? Look, I think I have some upper... Do I have hives? I think I'm having an allergic reaction. Do you have any bandage on you? I step back two pages. I'm a little concerned. The pollen, I don't know. It's not agreeing with me. Oh, my God.

Keep going, man. Keep going.

Alright, well, that work being done, a jam session needs to come to a close so we can fire nerves way out of this fucking goddamn maze. Jeremy, you were cool all night. That was genius. That was genius. We're the world's greatest jam band led by the world's greatest bar. And in reality, there is a movie in there being like... I think my throat's closing up. I'll make Jeremy's all producer. Any kind of any history...

Why? You're fucking true, right? You got no like herbs or anything? So are you going to the left or the right? Oh, I'll think we go left. I go right. No, we're going right. No, we're going left. Oh, dumbass. Let's go. Because he doesn't have a difference to his right. Yeah, to agree with him is the problem. Can you believe you know the difference? Right, okay.

Majority rules, I guess. Let's continue on our way. You walk for about 10 minutes or so down the left path before you come to a turn that takes you immediately to your right or to Gricko's left. There are no other ways to go, so you take the path until you find yourselves at a fork in the road, a small circular outcropping with a bubbling fountain with what appears to be a...

winged butterfly statue. Riding atop it is a pixie with a stick as if playing in a jousting match of some sort. And spilling from it is water into this bubbling fountain. And there is a path forward or to your left or to your right, which path you choose to take. - Is there a living creature fairy? - No, it's a statue. - Oh, part of the statue. - It's a statue. But it's depicting a fairy or a pixie atop a butterfly mount.

Any guesses as to why there's a butterfly statue in the middle of this? Butterfly in disguise! I can fly twice as high! Flops, is it? Take a look!

It's not in a book because it's on that fountain. I can't do anything. And I continue. I'm going to try to ignore both Kremi and Graco to the best of my ability and focus intently on the statue to see if there are any features. I might... You said there's flowing water and that sort of thing?

Well, we can continue on, but I suppose we could drink of the waters or see if there's perhaps some sort of magical portal here. It could be anything. Look, it's war before, and I'm going to drink some of the water. You do? Yeah, I do. You're just going to scoop it up with your hands? Yeah. Your hand completely incinerates with acid.

I'm kidding. I'm gonna be okay. I have four vials of them.

You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You-- You--

It's just like the... Remember when we couldn't stop fucking singing? Just drink the water and you'll feel fine. Um, no. My manager specifically requested crystalline volcanic water and this is very clearly... No, no, no. Crystalline spring water. Very different. I do not

drink that. I guarantee, I personally guarantee that that is volcanic. While they're arguing, I'm going to take two vials and quickly dip them down into the fountain, trying to hide it from Gricko. I am the Gricko Grimgrin of Hoochie the Blowfish, Ketsublaze the Beam, Gricko and Willie the Worm Plush's wife. It just so happens that I have some of the water you, uh,

that you crave most. This is not the fountain water, you can enjoy this. - Oh, it's the one my manager requested. - Exactly right. - Jeremy, you really take care of me. - And both Frost and Gurko, you feel that fey energy ebb from you. And I will say you don't feel like you have immunity to it, but you do feel like you have held it off for a bit. - We're gonna wanna make our way through this maze as quickly as we can. There.

There's a lot of magic in this hedge maze. Well, let's not hedge our bets. So are you going left, right, or forward? Do we have any reason to change our path? I think we go right. As you point to the left. We just went left, so let's go right. So we're zigging and zagging. You always... If there's anything that strange experiences in Feywild and weird mazes, which are surprisingly a lot,

You know, if I had a copper piece for every time we've got lost in the maze, I'd have two copper pieces, but if you think about it, that's still a lot. It's kind of weird it's happened twice. Do you still have that piece of chalk? Oh, this? Yeah. Can you, not on the statue, near the statue, make some sort of a marker or indication that we've been here before, in case this is a similar infinite repeating dealio?

Oh, um, oh yeah, I guess, I guess I could. And I'll just grip it from the bottom. Oh, oh, it's in two pieces now. Okay, okay, let me just grip it from the rubber. Oh, fuck. Oh, it fell under the fountain. Okay, hold on, hold on. Let me just, oh. Okay, it's just a little nub left. G. Oh, I ran out.

It was gonna say Gricko was here. Well, if we need to... It serves the purpose of my intent, so I'm fine. We're gonna look out for G next time we see a fountain. Well, why don't we let fate decide which way we go? And I'll pull out one of my dice and sort of float magically. That way, one and two. That way, three and four. That way, five and six.

So we're going left. Okay. That way, one and two. You understand? Wait. That way, left is two or three. I toss my die on the ground and I roll six. We're going to go that way. So it's right, but he'll think it's left. We're going to go left. That's what I said. I'm being proven right. I've been going right every single time.

This is as good a plan as any. And you make your way to the right left and you walk another 10 minutes or so before you spill out into what appears to be a large grove.

The grass is thick and spattered with flowers of a multitude of colors, beautiful iridescent blossoms that are unfurling and almost glistening in the sunlight as if reflecting the rainbow back at you. And in the very center, there is a beautiful pond that is nestled in front of a large moss-covered statue, the statue of a woman.

who appears to be bent over, hands over her face as she cries and cries, the tears draining out of the eyes and flowing into the pool. All is quiet as butterflies flit this way and that. You see that at the very base of the statue, there appears to be some sort of tablet with writing on it.

You know, I bet this is that eternal sorrow that sign was referencing. We've come upon it almost straight away. I think a fortunate turn of luck. Yeah, maybe we'll pick the right way. Hey, the dice, you know, the baron is generous. I mean, Jeremy thinks this is a terrible idea. We should turn back right away. This isn't the eternal sorrow. It's more like the eternal mild convenience.

- Does she look that sad? - I need you all to roll a perception check at disadvantage. - Oh fuck, oh fuck. - I don't know. - Yeah, pretty good. - Well actually not terrible. - And tell me what you have in your possession. - Oh, I don't know. - I have a five perception. - Okay. - And my inventory includes a blanket, common clothes, a dagger, a set of robes, ball bearings, bedroll, bells, a map scroll,

A map case, I'm sorry, not a scroll. A crowbar, fishing tackle, a flask, a bullseye-style lantern, a light hammer, a lock, a mess kit, a steel mirror, a net, a flask of oil, a vial of perfume, a day of rations, 50 feet of hemmed and robed, ceiling wax, a signal whistle, a tinderbox, a towel, four vials, and my water skin. - Okay.

Thank you. And I will remove my chalk. It's all new. And how much money do you have? If it's called a farewell style money, I've got like 33,000 gold pieces. Okay, cool. Thanks.

Grummie? We have unimaginable riches. Grummie, what do you have on you? I have my clothes. I have my cooking set. You know, a frying pan, a cutting board, a couple knives, spatula. I need a couple, like, maybe some tongs. I have my dice. Probably a set of playing cards. Um...

- That's enough. - Yeah. - Gricko, what do you have on you? - My hat. - I have a wooden shield, any simple melee weapon. - Somebody didn't do their homework. - Which I think we're gonna go, I have a great club. - Every guy thinks that, Mikey. - That's what he called me to do.

And then I have a totem, which, okay. And I have like a series of animal totems, probably of different carvings and fetishes. That was very loud. I have a torch, I have a water skein. It's a water skein. Tinder box, I have hempen rope, I have rations, I have a mess kit, I have a bed roll. Okay, thank you. And what did the two of you roll? I have leather armor too. For your perception?

Oh, I have my actual, I actually have my energy. What did you roll for your perception? 15. 13. Okay. Kremi, you notice a coldness on the top of your head, a whip of wind. You reach up. Where your top hat should be, your hat is no more. Where's my, all right, great, go.

Very funny. Okay. And as he says this, Gricko, you feel...

the weight shift on your hip as one of your sacks is lightened. I hate saying anything to you. Nothing you can say. I hate saying anything to you. Oh!

I feel pretty good. Why is that, Greg? Is it because you stole Kremi's hat or did something else into your sack that lightened your mood? Jeremy says I shouldn't say. Jeremy again.

Crammie, take it easy, man. You just gotta relax. You just gotta relax, man. I have a sense of clarity now about me. But you find that your owlbear totem is missing, and so is your bedroll. Crammie? What? Are you implying that I'll stow your very unfashionable hat that is frankly much too small for your crocodilian head?

when you have stolen my precious prize hootsie-like wooden craftsman totem? Well, first, why would I ever steal a little crudely carved wooden figure worth absolutely nothing? Excuse me? My hat is perfectly fine. It looks handsome, if you ask me. Well, no one asks you. Jeremy thinks it's quite unfetching. Well, I believe it's the opposite. Roll an investigation check at advantage. It's fetching.

- All right. - It's more like a fetch quest from the beginning of the game that nobody wants to do, and it gives you no experience or gold. That's how bad it is. - 26. - Your water skein is missing, as well as your ball of string and your perfume bottle. - Water skein, perfume bottle, and ball of string. Yeah. - Nudge.

Gentlemen, stunt. Oh, and Crummy, you notice as you're patting yourself down that your spatula is also missing. What the hell are you talking about? All right. Okay, very funny. You know, how am I going to flip your eggs this tomorrow morning? I mean, my eggs have already been flipped. You stole my spatula.

All- Cram- Y'all don't even know the meaning of the word! Get a hold of yourselves, Luke!

This is what the lady of eternal Zorro wants us to do, is to turn on each other. I'm missing my ball of string. I know none of you would... No, he's a fucking prankster. I guarantee you, it's... You know what? Jeremy told him, hey, wouldn't it be real funny if we stole his hat? Wouldn't it be funny if we stole his spatula? Wouldn't it be funny if we stole his cat thing? I need you all to roll a group perception check, please.

You know what, Frosty? You, you, uh, smell decidedly less, um, adolescent and insecure lately. I... My perfume bottle's gone. It's no longer here.

- Oh, it means that you're gonna have to face the fact that the reason why you don't pick up chicks is because of your personality and not because of your smell. - Well, also I have a heavy dander smell as a tabaxi that I don't really like to talk about, thank you. I got a nine. - Thank you. - I've enrolled this, I don't know where to put the dragons. 11, I got a 14, 11. - The two of you don't notice anything, but behind you, Cremie, you hear the sound of faint giggling.

And then you hear a voice. Oh my god, Bixie, they're so stupid. They're never going to figure it out. Oh, they're going to be stuck in here forever. They probably haven't even noticed the door's gone. And then you hear a bunch of giggling. And then nothing. Do I get a sense of where they are? I would say somewhere behind you. How close? 10 feet. Hold on, fellas.

I am going- sorry, give me one second here. Just making sure I understand this new stuff here. Exactly right. Uh... It's- it's- it's not something I like to talk about. What is- what is Dander? It's, uh, like, uh, my natural musk. Especially after walking for eight hours, my sweat can get a little... I knew a guy named Alex Dander once. Yes, Alex Dander. Was it Alex Dander's full name, or, like, that was his first name, Alex Dander?

I wanted everyone to call him Dandur and I'm like, I'm gonna call you out. I'm not gonna do it. Uh, so anyway, as- Oh, we wait! Let's start! C'mon! I mean, Crammy still needs a little bit more time for his master plan! Was he a goblin? Keep- keep amping, keep amping! Oh fuck, I was looking at the wrong Crammy! No, he was- no, he was a, uh, he was a, uh- A hobgoblin. Oh.

I understand that hobgoblins and goblins sort of get along, but it's a little strange depending on what, uh... Depends on the setting. Oh. What did you call it? Was it a tribe? A commune? It was a nudist calling me, actually. Oh, was it? Mm-hmm. That explains very much. Uh, so... Ow, really? As I'm standing there, my shadow will begin to elongate.

out of me and then it will sort of rise up off the ground where I can try to see and I'm going to look through the eyes of my shadow and try to perceive it while still appearing like I am talking with these gentlemen. That's sexy. But there's no hat on the shadow, right? No. No. Shadow. And so how do you...

How does that change what you would normally see if you were turning and looking towards it? So I am perceiving through, it's my familiar, I'm perceiving through the eyes of my shadow. Okay, roll a perception check. At disadvantage. On a burst, 11. You perceive through your shadow and you see that the wind seems to move a little bit, almost as if there is something there. Something maybe invisible, but you see nothing.

- You see as it darts from one way to the next, or from one area to the next. - The wind? - It kind of seems like that. As if the wind's moving, as if there's something with wings. - So I'll be standing there, well, I mean, you all quit arguing and the shadow's gonna reach out and try to make an attack, I guess. Add whatever's moving. - Roll to attack at disadvantage.

10. The shadow swipes out and you hear a... You hear... All of you at this point will hear a quick intake of what sounds to be 9 to 10 intakes of breath all of a sudden. And then you clearly hear a voice saying,

Well, you know what? We're not gonna help you then if you're gonna play these kinds of games. Good luck figuring it out. And thanks for the top hat, you bitch.

And then you're gonna quickly hear the leaves rustle and whatever it was, this mass of something, you hear giggles and a little bit of snarling from 10 tiny individuals as they dart into the underbrush. - No way. - And as you turn around to look, you see that the entrance that you had come in through is gone.

This is a grove that's fully encased with no way to leave. Please come back. The ball of string that you took, I used it to repair my scarf, please. You hear nothing as these creatures have left. Insulted by the attempted attack on them. What just happened? Some fucking fake creature spying on us. What the...

They said something about your hat. I'm assuming they're the ones who stole our goods. You hear a loud creak as the water that's streaming from the eyes of the statue begins to pour even more heavily.

the pool begins to fill up and begins to spill over. - Ah, fuck! - And you would expect the water would start to seep out into the plant life around you, but some sort of magical barrier keeps it contained as now there's about an inch of water at your feet. - Oh, let's look at the fucking tablets. I'm tired of these weird games. - Yes, and without any exits.

If the water continues to rush in like this, we may be in more serious trouble. All right, Frosty, this is your thing. You know, reading and shit. I walk up and I start to observe the tablets and see if there's pictures of language, if I can read any of them. What languages do you speak? Oh, that's actually a great question, and it's considerably less than last time. That's under traits? Racial traits? I will also look.

What languages do you speak? Druidic, Goblin, Sylvan, and Common. Celestial, Common, and Elvish. You look at this tablet and the language appears to be symbols that you don't understand. None of it makes sense to you. Lines and dots and flourishes that look beautiful but form no coherent language to you is...

Gricko walks beneath your legs towards the statue and Gricko, you can easily see words etched onto this tablet in Sylvan. A dryad born of beauty and grace, the oaken king left her disgraced. A coveted love was once returned, love and lust both brightly burned. Titania's prize was not hers to keep, now the evergreen girl eternally weeps.

I'd like to refer to my Discord chat with Rich from two or three days ago where he said, I don't think you're going to need comprehend languages. How does it start again? A dryad born of beauty and grace. Okay. Stand back. I can't believe you girls would come to the Feywild without knowing how to speak. She wouldn't allow old Gricko Grimgrin to take a look. I... do...

Dreeeeen... Dreen! Uh-huh.

We're going to drown in five minutes. Hooked on Sylvan did not clearly work for you. Now I've even got them tapes with Schmuzzy. And I mulled along and repeated it, but I didn't understand what it meant.

I love Muzzy so fucking much because there's that one where they do the alphabet and they're like biking through a nice like field and there's like fences and shit going by and giant A's and B's are going into the sky flying past them but you know that's just what's happening in the fiction of their mind. In reality they're waxing insanely driving through people's fields. Anyways. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. dry.

ad as opposed to a wet well we are wet it's a metaphor it's a metaphor keep reading like an advertisement like a dry advertisement maybe like against alcohol advertising for dry goods perhaps no like a dry ad

Like, we met at the, uh... Oh, I was the only one that went down to that river and met the, um... The dryads. The dryads. The beautiful, beautiful women. The women that we met at the river. You guys didn't come down because you were scared. Oh! When you came back and you were like, oh, they lied. I'm frosty. And a bunch of beautiful ladies thought that I was interesting and wanted me to come hang out with them. It happened. Uh-huh.

- I swear it happened. - Oh yes, of course it did. - Are you sure it did? - I look up at the statue, does it look like a dryad to me? - You look at it and it does appear to look like a dryad. - And it looked just like this woman here, the weeping woman in the statue.

- Final key reading. - All right, okay, okay, dry it. - It's a dryad born of beauty and grace. The oaken king left her disgraced. - Bo, bo, boon? - You're on word three. - Oh. - The water is now about waist height. - Oh, for a goblin or for a- - For a goblin. - Okay. Oh, oaf?

Oh, a dryad born oaf. Like she's oaf-like. Uh... I'm born an oaf. Maybe, oh, like the ugly duckling, maybe. You know that, like, fable of, you know, maybe she was born an oaf, but then became this beautiful creature? That is a... Great. Start to a sad story. Have you ever met a duckling that could be called ugly by anyone? They're just so cute and precious. I mean, that's a good point. Ducks are pretty cute. Exactly right.

- Of, and I will basically struggle along. - By the time Gricko gets to the end of the,

the small poem, he's swimming and barely keeping his head above water. - All right, Grigore, that's one tablet. Now let's read the rest. Could I actually get it one more time? - Yeah, a dryad born of beauty and grace, the oaken king left her disgraced. A coveted love was once returned, both love and lust, or love and lust both brightly burned.

Titania's prize was not hers to keep. Now the evergreen girl eternally weeps. Titania's prize not to keep. Was not hers to keep. Not hers to keep. Now the evergreen girl eternally weeps. Am I starting to like get lifted up now in the water? Yeah.

I say, well, I've done everything I could. Sorry, guys. And I'm going to poof. And there is going to be a tiny... Oh, yeah, classic. I'm just going to be just chilling. Do you have noses? Have you just crushed Jeremy? I mean, he's got, like, nostrils, but they're... I mean, they're tiny compared to his...

You know, the flea could probably, I mean, he's gonna have to, you know, Marie Kondo that shit, but he'll be alright. No, the flea will drown. Oh, yes, that's right. Yeah, well, good news and bad news. No, no, Griggo. No, no, I'll crush you with my mind beams. I'd love to see that. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Grimeus is you and me now. All right. Okay. So what does that mean? It sounds like, you know, the old king is probably Oberyn. And it sounds like she had a little tryst with the old king. Titania got mad, probably cursed her. Maybe she's in, maybe that's not even a statue. Maybe she was turned into stone.

Oh. So some sort of, perhaps some magical healing magic or... Some kind of like spell magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me take a look. Roll a perception check. Actually, advantage Frost. Because I rolled a one. Look, look, look, I miss you.

Nick of time. 17. 22. You, outside of the sounds of Frog Gricko, you hear the fluttering of wings as if not all of those creatures had left. And fluttering by your ear, you hear a voice. Hey, it's Bob. Hello, Bob. Who do you think?

I didn't take your ribbon or your string or whatever. My string, my water skin, and my perfume bottle. I might have the perfume bottle. But I don't have the string. In addition to your wings, that's why I could tell you were near. Perhaps you can assist us if you would be so kind. Well, I kind of feel bad because I love sweaters.

And scarves. And I would really like a super nice scarf. So I'll help you if you promise you'll make me a scarf. Oh. But you can't tell the others because they're really mad. I would be happy to make you a scarf. That would be my pleasure, actually. So you're telling me that you're going to make a pact with me that if I help you, you'll make me a sweater and a scarf? Grumpily, yes.

- As long as the interpretation of that is not that I am going to turn you literally into a flutterer scarf, but that I will be making a physical object like a scarf that I will then gift you. - Okay, so what you're trying, hold on. And you watch as this entity drops their invisibility and on the back of a small butterfly, you see a male pixie and he, on his side, he has a pointed stick almost as if he uses it

For jousting or lance is his weapon.

And in his other hand, you see a very small perfume bottle, which is your perfume bottle, but shrunk down to size as he spritzes it on himself and sniffs it in, his butterfly flapping its wings. You see his wings are resting low on his back, not using them at all to keep flight as he zips around you. Yeah, you know, I think that'll work. So you're going to promise me that if I help you...

that you will make me a scarf and a sweater, not make me into one, but make me something to wear on my person. - As long as we're being specific, and I appreciate the exchange, the nature of your help will prevent us from drowning in this arena and allow us to either solve the mystery of the statue or escape. - Yes. - Do I hear any of this? - Yeah. - Oh, what'd it do? - He looks at you and he sneers.

Your attitude's gonna get you in a lot of trouble, buddy. Well, I mean, you were the one snickering behind our backs. You're gonna need our help later, and with an attitude like that, you're not gonna get it. Well, I'm just saying, if you had just approached us in a friendly manner, we could have... You see as he looks towards you and he bares his teeth, and they're razor sharp. If you had a hat such as Cremius and it was taken from you, you'd understand the aggression, wouldn't you? He'll be lucky to get his hat back at this point if they don't tear it to bits. Well...

- Suckin' you. - Nixie, Twixie, Bixie, Quixie, Mixie, Vixie, Zixie and Wixie are not pleased with him right now.

by the way did i tell you my name's bob yes that's it doesn't uh uh follow the same cadence and schema as uh your sisters they're not my sisters uh as you i barely know them oh oh i pooped well they i assume they were sisters because of the consistent naming parents mean like that i'm sorry i couldn't resist are you all mixer partners that's very impressive

Are we gonna make this deal a what? Um, yes. 'Cause you're about to drown if you don't get my help soon. I will extend a claw so that it's about the size of what he could pick up and like actually shake and very gently reach out. He puts your perfume in his pocket and he reaches out and he shakes your claw. Alright, we have a deal. Okay. You just gotta make the statue laugh. It's really sad.

- It's really not that hard. Come on, think about it. It's crying. What do you do when someone's crying? You make them laugh. - I mean. - Sometimes the hell gives also. - Yeah, like maybe, I mean, based on what she's got. - Look, I helped you, okay? Where's my sweater and my scarf? - You will get it. - Not right now? - Well, we're about to drown. We need to solve this problem and then the scarf will be forthcoming. - Roll a persuasion check. - That's where I'm a Viking. - Just, I'll do it raw. - 13.

"Alright, I'm sure this won't be the last time I see you. You're probably gonna need more help in the future and I gotta think about more things that I want. This was too easy." "Alright, well, that's what you get from me. I'll see you later, Frost." And he snaps his fingers, he goes invisible, and you hear the fluttering of wings as he zips around your head and then disappears. Goodbye, Bob. Thank you for your assistance. Alright, uh, we just need to make this, um, evergreen lady dryad last.

What kind of humor do you think she could do? Observational, puns. Puns are the height of humor. Really? Oh! Um, did you hear when I was a frog and I said, Oh, yes. Oh, Le Croque was with you. That was pretty good. Presumably you also heard that statue. Was that an attempt at a joke? My attempt was to...

remind the statue of what he'd been saying and that that's funny for a frog to say. Roll a d20. 18. Okay. Oddly enough, that shouldn't be funny. The DM doesn't think it's funny. But it's a high enough number that the statue thinks it's funny. And you notice that the water begins to reside just a little bit. As it begins to slow down. She enjoys...

Physical comedy and wacky antics. Oh, well, I mean, when we first met, didn't you two have some sort of bit that you would do, like some sort of slapstick thing with a corpse or something? Does that sound familiar? I don't remember slapping any sticks. I mean, I regularly desecrated the dead. It was funny every time in its own way. It was never funny. Yeah.

Depending on your perspective. Perhaps some sort of, like, a pratfall. Well, I mean, that would be great, but... Oh. I mean, you could try. Well, yes, I will give it a shot. I'm going to give myself... I'm going to spend two beans. Gotta give it up, gotta give it up. Gotta give it up for the beans, gotta give it up. They're back. And I am going to...

psionic or caste, I guess, whatever language we care to use for that sort of thing. Borrowed knowledge. I will become proficient in performance. Okay. And that will allow me to add my proficiency bonus to this roll. Okay. I will use my feline agility and very gracefully put my arms out and I will look at the wall and

and I will double my speed and run up it as quickly as I can, turn, and then attempt to do the most graceful belly flop that I can accomplish. Just slam into the water so that the water shoots up, and I hope that the shot and video that the statue enjoys upon seeing this image is enough to make it laugh for the rest of the day. Roll a d20 and add your whatever. 20.

It is, it seems to be enough as the water, you hear a very faint giggle come from the statue as the water begins to slow down and you notice the water table slowly begin to lower and then it stops. Stopping wet like a cat would be. Physical comedy is so lowbrow, Frosty. Well, let's...

The threat of death is upon me. I couldn't think of any actual joke jokes. Did we get out of it or is it still, we still gotta tell more jokes? Oh. It needs more. Hasn't laughed yet. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, oh, did you see, did you see what color shoes I was wearing when I was a frog? They was open boot sandals. Open boot.

- You see, puns. - Roll a, roll a, and I should have been asking, it's a performance check that you're doing. It's performance. - Yes. - So roll, roll a performance check. - I get a natural one. Plus, let me see what my performance is. - Probably would have been funnier if you'd remained a frog. - I can't, I can't speak. My performance, they'll be free. - You get no response from the statue. - Oh!

Crampy Shirley, you know some punchlines from your time in Agwe. It was something about party town. Oh, well, look, if they do physical comedy, maybe she'll act this. And my shadow will separate from myself again. And we'll do a...

basically I'm gonna be like where'd you go where'd you go and then all of a sudden it's gonna sloop up and then poke me in the eyes and then oh oh fuck and then I'm gonna turn around and this is gonna box me out and then oh fuck and then I'm gonna basically three stooges it the DM likes it roll a performance check okay

I can't believe Mikey's actual good joke. Your shitty whatever they are has worked. Yes, I'm always the funniest one in the group. I rolled a one, so it's a six. No. She just does not fuck down to one of you funny. I'm not really a performer, you know. I have a bit of a grim humor for you now. Maybe a little bit of an edgy joke. Oh, yes. So, a fly...

Says to a frog. Frog humor is all you're getting from me. I'm just really focused on it. I'm honestly surprised you have more. A fly says to a frog, Tom flies when you're having fun. And then the frog responds to the fly, No. Tom's fun when you're having flies. Oh!

- You get into the opposite of what you expect because it's a fly and it's a fly on the runway. 15. - Oddly enough, the statue is-- - Her tears lessen, a faint smile that you see peeking out from behind the hands that cover her eyes and the water table lowers a bit but there is still water here and there are still tears pouring. - Oh yeah.

- Not one for jokes. - Oh, that just makes me un-hope-y!

- Unhoppy. - Roll again. - Unhoppy everyone. - There'll be a 13. - 13's the DC. You are able to get, you now firmly see the smile as the tears are just trickling out of her, out of the statue now. All the ground has receded, but nothing, all the water has receded into the ground and into the pool, but nothing has changed.

There's still no door. There's still no exit. And she has not laughed. Well, we got to make her laugh. No, Frost, you tell like the funniest fucking stories. Remember that time that you like fell and like gravely injured yourself? That was real funny. That was not a funny story. I laughed. It was funny because he didn't know what to talk about. He needed a hoperation. This is not going to work.

It's an eight. You're gonna tell a frog joke at every opportunity, aren't you? Roll it!

- Methyl 20. - Gotta do it up. - It is with that that you hear, it's a strange stone laughter emanating out from the statue as the hands slowly move down and you see them take the shape of almost stairs as the mouth of the statue opens up wide with this laughter.

And deep within the throat, you see a strange crystal shifting and moving. A beautiful iridescent white gem. After all that, I thought there was going to be a frog in its throat.

The mouth closes, the tears start raining. I know. It does become a scream. Sweat this time! Essentially what you see is the laughter has made the hands drop, which has created stairs up towards the mouth, and you see that inside of it there is a gem, and back before--

back behind that, it elongates and it appears to be an entrance deeper into this maze or labyrinth that you're in. So it is an exit, but there's also this gem that is just swirling and moving within the mouth. - I propose we go through the exit, but if I might, I can use my mind to try to procure the gem before we risk ourselves. - That's a great idea.

I reach out. I'm not touching it. I'll reach out with my psionic energy and as if an invisible spectral floating hand suddenly were to try to grasp this, I pull it towards me and see if I can pull it free from its hanging location. You are able to do that easily. And as you pull it towards you, you see that it is a faceted gemstone of a milky pearly white and

But inside of it, the way that it catches the colors, it shifts with the colors of the rain. Think of like a moonstone or an opal where there are a multitude of colors shining within. And as you look at it, it seems to, you can see where it had been faceted as if it was a larger gemstone, but this is clearly a piece that has broken apart from something else. This isn't the whole thing. Hmm.

This does appear to be a fragment, some sort of a piece of something. Yeah, that's a better word, fragment. I'll put it in my backpack for now. Frogment. I touch it to do that. I finally release it from my psionic energy. As you touch it, you are overwhelmed with sorrow for a moment. Do I get the curse we were talking about earlier? No.

- No, we didn't talk about it, Curtis. That was good. - Your flesh slithers. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All your skin melts off with acid. - No, I turned into the fucking sausage worm. - That was a poor choice. That was a poor choice. No, you're overcome with sorrow. You can feel heartbreak.

But you are able to shrug it off as you put it into your pack. Are you okay? I just missed my string. I don't want to talk about it. They're going to give it back, right? Right. That was a deal you made, right? No, I made an agreement to give him a scarf and a sweater for the assistance. That seemed... How are we going to do that? I...

We'll attempt to make a scarf and a sweater. Have you ever made a scarf or a sweater before? No, nor at that scale. That's not really a problem. That's tomorrow for us problem. I mean, you're wearing a scarf. You could just like cut off a little. I'm not going to do that. I mean, if it's like tiny clothes for like tiny little people, I mean, we're in the summer court. You just get some summer court creations. A little nice metal netter joke for you, Frosty. I don't know what that means.

Every time our field said, "I feel like we should eat something. Maybe we could go to IHOP and get a large French Flies with a Diet Krook." The door starts to close. I think we best be going. Oh, yes, yes, let's go. And thank you for the sub, TTRP. Thank you very much! Welcome! And as I start to lead through the opening and into the labyrinth, I'll speculate that

Titanium's prize from the tablet. It may have something to do with this sorrow piece. I mean, maybe. I mean, so, I mean, the thing is, is this tied to this riot or is it tied to titanium? That's the question.

Well, there is a Titanius Prize at the very least. So I will say, because I was trying, I was worried that that would be a little confusing. That's Oberyn. That's Oberyn. Yeah. Titanius Prize was not hers to keep. I'm very literal. I'm going to keep on this track. Okay. I think it's more of a metaphor for the fact that she couldn't hold on to Oberyn and he had wandering eyes. There's that word meta again. Why is the theme of this adventure infidelity?

First Wormy Willy's wife. And now Oberyn? I think only you all met Wormy Willy wife. Wormy Willy wife. Oh, maybe it's more magical now.

- No, it's important in an adventure to have a strong thematic north star that you can map all the decisions that you make. Infidelity is as good as any, I guess. - You make your way out of the statue and into the maze and you find yourself once again in the labyrinthine hedge maze and I need you all to roll a d20. - Oh fuck. - Oh, natural 20. - Gotta give it up. - Oh my god! - 18.

Oh my god! Gricko, you are unbearably itchy. 18. You believe you can talk to plants. You cannot. That feels familiar. Well, some of these are recycled. Like this one! You randomly slip a sylvan word into your everyday speech and cannot be brought aware of it. Classic Flo.

What does it feel like? I have fleas. And you find that you're in this maze again and it is a straight path until, and you walk along the straight path until you once again find yourselves at a similar, a similar fountain.

And this time you recognize the visage of this fountain. It is clearly a pixie astride a butterfly mount with a small stick as a javelin. It doesn't look anything like Bob, but you imagine that it could be carved in the likeness of one of his ilk. And the water is completely dried up. But you do see written in chalk on the front, a G. Oh.

and you see ahead of you three paths. No, we seem to have returned to our original place. It's disappointing. Feyward. Well, maybe we just, you know, go to the next option. Maybe we gotta, like, collect the other fragments, and, I mean, have we tried asking that, like, weed over there? What? Is it ragweed? I'm allergic to ragweed. I mean, I don't know. You're a fucking druid. Oh, gosh. You tell me. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

Hey, it looks like Jeremy's invited some friends. Oh gosh, it's a house party! I'm gonna lean down and just find a weed that's growing out of the ground. Do you know, I mean, presumably you know the whole riddle, theme of this whole maze. Do you happen to know where we get more of these little crystal shard things? No idea.

You can't. I mean, what if I like pay, you know, what are you going to pay me with water? Oh my God. I got gold. I mean, I can give you plenty of gold. What am I going to do with gold? I don't know. Buy, buy stuff. I mean, what does anybody do with gold? What am I going to buy? I can't leave this place. I'm stuck right where I am. I mean, I could buy it for you. I mean, you have it. How are you even going to find me again?

I mean, I could like write a G in chalk next to you. Like, I don't know. We're out of chalk. We can't tell Pete. And all you hear is Kremi's half of this conversation. Kremi's going crazy. He's talking to an imaginary friend that only he can hear. What an idiot. Kremi's capable of amazing magics. It's possible that he's telling the turd none.

So you have no fucking clue. You are totally worthless. I'm quite literally a weed. Oh, well, I mean, I guess you are quite literally a weed. I don't know why I thought you may know. I mean, given that your entire existence and being is like a part of this maze, I thought you may have some sort of like... Okay, I'm gonna get to the bottom. I'm gonna actually cast a speed of plants. Okay.

Okay, Krabby, why don't you spill the beans? Mr. Weed, my name is-- I'm going to call you Mr. Weed. My name is Gricker Grimgrin. I am the brains of this operation, as you can tell. We are looking for the direction of a strange crystal. Now, I want to listen to my reptilian friend here. He can be very misleading and trickerous. I'm sorry, what was your question? By the way, my name's Weedney.

What do I hear? Nothing. Oh, Weedney. I think he said your name was Bob or something. What? No. Weedney. It's like Wendy, but with weed in the front. Oh, Weedney. It's just like a long E. Yeah. Oh, and you reversed your words. That's very clever. Are all weeds named Weedney? No. Oh. Uh, well, uh. There's Weedno. Oh, Weedno? Is there like a Weed-o?

No? That's a stupid name. I agree. That's what Crammy was saying. Anyway, don't listen to this idiot. My name is Gracie. What do you mean? I can't understand a word he's saying. You know that Wee's not talking, right? She's not saying shit to you. I think I must have a gift. Isn't that right? Wee, can you hear me? Can you understand me?

Yeah, I can hear what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. No, her name is Weenie. You fucking fool it. No, what? No, it's some gruff guy named, like, Bibb. Gricko, which one of us is telling the truth about the plan? I have incredible magics, too. This is something very rowdly is going on.

What's your name? What was it? No, my name's Fernie. Oh, no, his name's Fernie, sorry. Oh, what was it? It would have been strange. Oh, you're right, it is something Fernie. What is it? Routely. Well, something very routely is going on here. I mean, strange.

Oh, so you can speak in that ring. So did you have a question to ask me or what? I feel like it's very reasonable. I was getting ready to go down for a nap. Oh no, we're looking for where we should go for the next crystal. What crystal? Oh, there's crystals, maybe. We're trying to make a crystal. We're trying to get out of this maze. Where should we go? Left, right, or center? Well, that really depends. Do you want to go to the left, or do you want to go to the right, or do you want to go to the center? I want to go to the place, the path of least resistance. Then you should go forward.

That's a little boring, eh? Ah, fine. Forward? Yeah. Okay. We go forward. That's what Weedney says. Good luck. No, no, no. It's, it's, it's, his name's Fernie. And he didn't say shit. I think Fremie's finally had too much rum and it's fried his brain. Look, regardless, there are two more ways to go. So, you know, it's just... We're gonna go straight. We're gonna go straight. All right. Oh, thank you, Weedney. You've been very helpful. I appreciate it. You're welcome. Good luck. Thank you, thank you very much.

"For me, lads! "Told you the brains of the operation on this." We'll go forward. Forward at full night.

You make your way forward. You travel for 15 minutes, winding through pathways, making lefts and rights and turning this way or that until you finally spill out into a dry heat as the sand whips around you. The sun is set to eternally noon. Feel the warmth on your skin. You feel the liquid in your mouth dry up.

You're thirsty. Very, very thirsty. And off in the distance, shimmering almost like a mirage, you see an oasis. Crystalline pools surrounded by green vegetation. Large palms. Looks to be maybe a 30 minutes walk from where you are now through the sand. I think weenie was poisonous. And yes, you are still dealing with your fae.

You think that maybe those palm trees up there, they probably are a little more knowledgeable than that. Oh, do you think I'll get some aloe? Can we make some cream out of the palm trees if we hack them apart? I don't stir any aloe. What? What? I don't stir any aloe. If I had some, I would give you some, but I don't stir it.

Oh, I just would like... I don't need to stir it. Why would you stir it out of? I just want to apply it liberally. You're both being very permic. Let's focus on the problem at hand. Yeah, stop being so permic, Crammy.

- These must be like mystic words. - He means obtuse. - Do you know what that word means, Cleve? - Am I aware that this is happening? - No. - Okay. - And you can't be made aware that it's happening. - I'm just pretending that it's obtuse. - That is, I literally have it written down. - You're in a prison of my own design. - You randomly slip a Sylvan word into your everyday speech and cannot be brought aware of it. It's in there. - Look, that's clearly the next place to go and I could really use a drink of water, so let's get going.

It's also possible that the water will have the same healing properties as the Wintily that we went to earlier. That's a great point, Frosty. Are these like Yulong Ys words? I mean... Yeah, Grickle understands them because he speaks Silvan. We just said the Wintily, you moron. You uncoached swine. Let's ferret.

All right. And I just look confused. Let's make, like, a small, small weasel-like animal and ferret. It's a classic Superman saying. We say it all the time. Let's go.

You travel. We attempt to get to the mirage. You travel the 30 minutes to make your way towards what you were afraid would end up being a mirage, but it is not. It is truly an oasis in the middle of this vast desert. And you see desert spreading out outside of this oasis, what looks to be hollows

hundreds of miles in all directions. This is the only point of vegetation and source of water in this entire place that you found yourselves in. And as you make your way down towards it, there is a beautiful crystalline pool, palm trees all around you, and nothing more. No signs of animals, no signs of pixies, no signs of anything but water and trees.

I immediately go to the water and take a vial. I need you to roll a charisma saving throw. Just him? Yep. He's the only one going to the water. You reach down, you pull your vial out, and as you go to dip it into the water, you catch your reflection and... 15. Okay, good. You catch your reflection, and you are overcome with vanity and lust.

As you stare into your own eyes, your beautiful eyes, you see what those dryads down at the river had sawn you. You don't understand what Gricko and Cremie are saying about you not being this incredibly attractive cat. You don't even need your personality. Look at that face. Look at those broad shoulders. Look at that heaving chest, the rippling muscles. You are perfection. Perfection.

You are overcome with lust and vanity and narcissism. Oh, Frost, you Papa Cavist you. Oh, boy. I'm lush. You Papa Cavist. Excuse me, what? Papa Cavist.

Frosty! Look, you're clearly too smart for me. Excuse my being rude.

Do I not achieve getting water? Oh no, you can get water. It takes you longer than usual and you notice that Frost preens himself as he dips down to get the water. He gets distracted by his reflection as he smooths his eyebrows and touches up a little bit in his hair and he realizes what he was doing. He attempts to get the water again and he preens himself a little more. You see as he makes smoochy faces at himself in the water. He's clearly very attracted to himself. Are you gonna drink that?

Dubliera.

I at least get two golf before it's stolen by Gringo. You do, and it tastes delicious. It helps with your cracked dry lips and with the thirst that you were feeling, but it does not clear any of your face. And fucking itches! Give me some aloe! I'm going to go attempt-- No!

Should I drink this water? Oh, and I need you to roll a perception check for me, please. Me? I would like to look around. But you are overcome with vanity, so that will be a disadvantage. Oh. Um, Kremia Tinklowato. I'd like to look around to see if there are any kind of aloe-like plants with my drew. Just palm trees. Nine. Nine.

Yeah, you stare into the water and you think for a second that you see something in the very depths of the water. This is a shallow pool and it's crystalline. It's barely clear, but you are just so distracted with your perfectly chiseled jaw. And could a nose be any straighter? Could lips be any fuller? Could eyes be any brighter as you turn your attention directly towards your reflection?

I turn to the palm tree, the closest palm tree. He's kind of, he's like speaking in tongues. Is this wild and safe?

Well hello good sir, welcome to the Oasis. What I do there fella? What's your name? Oh my name is Paul. Paul where? Palm tree Paul. My name is Kramer LeCru. Welcome to the Desert of Desire, it's great to have you here. Alright, Desert of Desire, look this place is called the Desert of Desire according to my new friend Paul. And can you help us with the mystery- Does he have any aloe? Do you happen to have any aloe? I'm a palm tree sir.

Uh, no, he does not. He is a palm tree. Ah! Would you like a coconut? Uh, yeah, sure, yeah. All out, I'm afraid. Oh, well, I'd like one. Jeremy, I'm sorry. I know this is so much. I know this is going to really devalue your property, but I can't help it. Oh, no, he drowned. Oh, Jeremy drowned? Yeah, he's dead. Oh. He's not. Goodbye, Jeremy. Oh. Oh.

It's unfortunate, but as far as your itching is concerned, it's clear that its launels are not. Jeremy always had the best launels!

We're never gonna get through this one shot. I'm gonna drink, I'll drink some of the water. I need you to roll a constitution saving throw, please. Mm-hmm, this is some tasty water. Sorry, charisma saving throw. Charisma? Yes. You don't say, that is where I am a Viking.

Charisma is, that is a 26. You reach down and for a second you are distracted by the reflection, but the magic of the reflection and the sun shining on this pool cannot hold on to you. You are above this kind of charm. As you shrug it off, I need you to roll a perception check for me straight.

- Natural 20 plus five is 25. - And as you shrug it off, you see that at the very bottom of this, very clearly visible, only beneath maybe three or four feet of water,

Pure crystal water is a tablet, very similar to the tablet that you saw at the base of the willow, or at the base of the statue. You know, you could have mentioned the tablet at the bottom of this pool here. I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know it was of any importance. You're asking me for aloe and coconuts. Well, no, I asked you for the importance of, like, what's the key to all this, you know? And clearly, if there's a tablet at the bottom of this pool... There are no keys here, sir, but there is a tablet at the bottom of the pool. Well, thanks enough, Emily.

and I'm gonna dive in. You're very welcome, sir. I can provide nothing anytime you would like. I'm gonna swim down to the bottom of the pool and read the tablet. What languages do you speak? Common and Draconic, I guess, yeah. You look down at the tablet and it says, Heinflein Party Party, McFladum and Tidiboo, Wandsbindin McFarsh, Hulpan...

Dinglehopper. Farm mom. I'll swim back out. There's a tablet at the bottom of the pool. Rico, you're only going to make it to sorta if you keep doing that.

- I already have a disorder. - Plank the one you're doing. - And instant Jeremy is gone. - It's not nearly as eloquent as the last poem. It's like, said something like McFlurry, blah, McFlu. I don't really understand what you're saying. - As you say that, Gricko, you hear the words, "She turned to oak to protect."

Oh, she just turned her own to protect. That's so heroic. Just like Jeremy. I'm not sure I understand either of you, Streese. You're all talking Blaskert. Talking Blaskert, Frosty. And let's get to the case. And mourning Jeremy. Go down there and read that soul viper.

Gosh. Pushy, now he knows a little bit is open, suddenly he knows what to do. Fine! Yes. It's what Jeremy would want. Oh look, do I need to swim down there? I need you to make a charisma saving throw, please. Right on the edge, we'll see. Charisma? Charisma.

You stare into the depths and you see the outline of the tablet and you're about to dive in to go for it, but you catch that beautiful green tint to your skin. Oh my. Those sharp serrated goblin teeth, your bulbous nose, your discolored teeth, I should say. Oh.

Your hair hanging matted and unclean near your face just gives you that rugged charm. And you are handsome. And then you notice Frost. Oh. That is the hottest cat you've ever seen. Frost, you see Gricko. Oh my. You've never seen a goblin in this way before, but reflected in the pool, that is one sexy goblin. Gricko. Frost. Have you always been so...

Geolagrap? Frosty? I'm not a furry, but... I've never considered... ...sclatting you before.

But I've never noticed your bundler. I finally know that why I'm so itchy. I'm allergic to just raw animal magnetism. Jump into my cherubs.

i don't know how we solve this problem look i can't understand the mcflobby gloobity anything so did you read the tablet i read the songs

It is, I would say, it's, you could go down and remove it from the water. It's not like a ton tablet. Just, I'll be right back. I'll swim down. I'll grab it when I come back up. In the meantime...

We find our way behind a palm tree. And we deuces and enses. There's many Galils in all directions. Schmentor. Oh, the Schmentor. Very adventurous. And once we're squeezed, we walk back out. Okay.

- What? - So we're squeezed. Yeah, and you both come to squeeze a minute before Crummy comes back up. - Crummy. - All right. - Read this. - Oh, guess we can finish up with a romantic tale.

I'll read it. Just so he can get his fucking eyes over it. Read it, Graco. And I'll greenle. I love the way... Please don't ever say greenle. That's a... That's a bridge too far. I love the way you greenle, Frosty. They're sitting unusually close. You know, I always wondered about you two. LAUGHTER

I'm sorry. You're making fun of me.

- What are you doing with those fucking eyes? - She turned to oak to protect her soul. The love of a king had taken its toll. Her roots have spread far and wide, building walls to keep her pain inside. Controlled by lust, the girl was blind, a crystallized heart to protect her mind. - I didn't hear any of that. - I can't think about anything other than what's happening in my reality right now. I need to write this down. Holy shit. - One more time.

Oh, my eyeball itches, hold on, hold on. I'll get it. Your tongue is so rough and feline. Oh, that would be... You did this! Yeah, why would you choose this? This is the fate I chose. She turned to Oak to protect her soul. The love of a king had taken its toll.

Her roots have spread far and wide, building walls to keep her pain inside. Controlled by lust, the girl was blind, a crystallized heart to protect her mind. - Oh man. - Well, what do we do? What do we have to do at this present moment? - It's so beautiful. - It reminds me of you, Flusty. I would never make you turn to oak.

I'm not like the only inner goblin. If we're going to get back home and mental, then we're gonna need to solve this riddle. As you say the word riddle.

You see, standing behind you, between two palm trees, a sphinx, almost as if appearing out of nowhere. Oh, shit. Wow. Oh, no. Frosty, we have a voyeur. Yes, an astraph.

I was hoping it was gonna be Willy Worm, but here we are. I feel like showing our new friend my ass, Travis. This is a nice minute, as Derek, a human being who is separate from the situation. Holy shit. Oh, thank God! Please help us! Please! How do we get out of here?

Do you have any aloe vera? Each of you may leave. If a riddle you can answer. Oh. Step between my paws and answer me once. Should you fail, death you shall find. Oh, fuck. Wait, like literal death? Or is this more like a metaphor for like...

You know, like, oh, we'll catch it down and we can try again. You watch as it elongates its body and stretches beneath the sun. It growls a mix of a purr in there a little bit. And it looks towards you but does not answer. And there seems to be, this thing is huge. And there seems to be a space between its paws where you could stand. Almost like a pedestal. One wrong answer and we die? I mean, that doesn't sound very, I don't like those odds.

Neither do I, but I feel very... Intental. Intental? I think I may induct this. Let me give it a... Induct? A fish haver. Frosty, I look, you know, you're probably not the right person to go first, given that I don't think you're in your right mind right now. And I hate to break this to you, but you're speaking nonsense. And Gricko's pretending like he understands what you're saying.

If anyone is going to resent us, this is me. And feeling the narcissistic... Oh no, you can resent us, this is Frosty! I will immediately walk up to him. Ask if he has any lotion! The lotion comes later. What is always in front of you, but can't be seen? Your Millie. Correct. No!

- That was very clever, so I'm gonna give that to you. I'm gonna give that to you. - If you wanted a translation, I'll give you a real answer. - No, I'm gonna accept it. I'm gonna accept it just as it is. - The answer was the future. - That's what I fucking wanna know! I should've written it down, I'm such an idiot!

But that was very clever, so I'll give it to you. The sphinx says correct, and you watch as in the center of its chest, where there had just been the carved decorations of its large neck piece, a door now forms, and you see that there is an entrance of sand and stone that leads out into a forest pathway, and shining on the other side is another crystal shard.

"Thirsty, you're so smart!" You see everybody? That's where Frost is a Viking. And the word for Viking in Sylvan is the same as in common. Wait, there's just one riddle? Oh. "Each will answer a riddle on their own." Oh! We can't just go down the fourth way? I feel so inspired by that! "You may enter me, Frost." Oh!

I look very jealous. Frost helps those who...indox themselves! And I run through the room. And you run through, and you run across the sand, your feet find purchase on the soft, mossy ground of the forest floor as you make your way to the other end, and as you look through, you see Cremie and Gricko on the other side as quickly it fades into that same foresty hedge, and standing

or twirling in front of you held aloft in midair is another piece of that crystal. It looks like it fits nicely with the one that you have in your back. - I will put them together and yell through the portal. - And as you grab onto it, you feel lust overcome you for a moment. Mind-numbing, mind-controlling lust. You feel overcome by this. You would make poor choices.

- All alone, I'll take a bath. - But you are able to put it into your pack with the other one. - You've got this, can I yell through the portal or is it? - As you yell through the portal, it will close. - Grimmy, you've got this and Gricko, you've got this too, you sexy millie. - The two of you stand before the Sphinx. - Wait, do I get to enter you if I get it right?

- Yes. - Me next, me next! - Oh. - Oh, and Frost, you feel that the lust, the narcissism, and the speaking with one word and fey, that subsides from you. - Huzzah! - I need a fucking cigarette. - You did just flork Frost. - We florked? - We faded into black. - I'm so glad two of you failed.

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Frost, you shout out to your friends as the foliage, the wall of vegetation blocks them out. Cremi and Gricko, you stand before the Sphinx as it rights itself and prepares for the next of you to step up to the pedestal. And Gricko jumped in. Yeah. Oh. Gricko, you stand before the Sphinx as it leans down towards you and it says...

Oh, oh shit. Let me turn this off. Sorry. It's okay. I'm going to keep doing this. What can you break even if you never pick it up or touch it? I'm going to look. There's two answers to this question. I'm going to look at the door where Frost had gone and disappeared from me and I'll say, I'm a heart.

Correct. Oh, Frosty! You didn't choose wind? There were two answers, promise or heart. Wind and silence. But I didn't think about wind or silence. I'm just going off of the random riddles I found out. I'm the real master tonight. But as he says correct, you notice the door that opens up. And standing on the other side of it is Frost. And he looks...

like a big bowl of cereal in the morning. - Oh, I'm coming, my green- - I've got the lust of war, but I'm just...

And you watch as Gricko makes his way through the door at the base of the Sphinx, and as it closes behind him, Kremi, you are left alone in this oasis. Gricko and Frost, you are now standing, looking around you. There is only one path forward as you wait for Kremi. All right, well, that last one wasn't too hard, so hey, what's the worst that could happen? All right, hit me.

But yeah. You step up to the Sphinx and it speaks. What can't talk but will reply when spoken to? This is where Coney dies. Oh no. What is the airspeed velocity of a swallow? Red. No, blue! Oh, I know. A big old bowl of beer.

Can you repeat the rhythm? What can't talk but will reply when spoken to? Oh man, I wanted a frost, so Gricka would have known this one. Yes, I would have. It's a big old bowl of gear! That was a big old bowl of gear.

Jeremy's now in your nose. It's a big ol' bogey! Hey, it's Cranny. There's plenty of olive you can eat the key to where I'm at. What can't talk, but will reply when spoken to? I'm writing down my guess. It kinda sounds like us. Can I like talk to myself? Yes. And you hear behind you the fluttering of wings. I turn and look at the wings. You see nothing, but you can hear them, you can feel the way the wind moves.

Seems to be three or four sets of fluttering wings. I'll shloop into my shadow and I'll go up and I'll try to like, you know, I'll look like I'm thinking in front of the Sphinx and I'll try to find... Hey, psst, psst, hey, help! Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. Come on, come on, come on. That's cocked. We have twists. Two nines. But it's maxed. Twisted, twisted, twisted, twisted, twisted. You twisted it?

Right? Doesn't that work like that? Yeah, you have Twists of Fate. Hold on. I mean, persuasions. It's going to be crazy boogity. Oh, yeah. It's going to be 917. Okay. You immediately hear the sound of wings disperse and fly off in all directions. But you feel a weight on your shoulder as if one of these entities is now sitting perched. What are you going to give me if I help you? I already got you a top hat.

I had a feeling. What do you mean? Are you going to apologize for what you tried to do to us in the other glade? If I apologize, you don't tell me the answer to this riddle? No, but I'm more likely to help you if you're going to give me something good. Well, I apologize for the... Say, Bixie, I apologize for trying to swat at you and your friends. Bixie, I apologize for trying to swat at you and your friends. And for making a deal with Bob.

Well, I didn't make a deal with Bob, but if- One of your friends did just apologize for it or I'm leaving. We're making a deal with Bob, sure. Alright. Alright, so if you help me, how can I help you? It's not up to me to decide how you're gonna help me. You gotta decide how you're gonna help me. What kind of deal are you gonna give me? Don't you dare pull out your phone and try and look up the answer to this riddle. I'm not- well, do you want this Grig fiddle? Oh, I do. I do love a Grig fiddle. Well, I got this Grig fiddle and I can't play?

It's all yours if you help me out. Oh, boy. But it's... Oh, I really want it. Are you sure I can have it? If you tell me the answer to this, you will. I'm not going to tell you the answer, but I'll give you a hint. All right. Well, who the fuck am I going to do this anyway? I'll hand her the fiddle. She reaches out, and you see as she materializes on your shoulder, she reaches out to grab it and immediately shrinks down to a tiny size, and she looks at it longingly.

Think about what happens when you speak loudly in a cave, you idiot. And then she disappears. No, that's too, that's where my mind jumped, but that doesn't really make sense with how the riddle's worded. Wait, no! By Greenfield. I wanted that. My mind witch. That was literally the answer that I was thinking, there's no fucking way it's that. Good luck, don't die. Hope I'm not telling you a lie. Can you repeat it again?

What can't talk but will reply when spoken to? This is a bad riddle. See, here's the thing. It's not like it's not... What do you mean it's a bad riddle? I get cut in half. It's like the cave of wonders. No, you die. You will die. All right, all right. Die, die, die, die, die.

The Cave of Wonders. Is it an echo? A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in the rye- A diamond in

The door shuts immediately and you're trapped inside forever and you die. I don't say that. Cut to a thousand years later and there's just a bleached corpse holding a fiddle. A bleached alligator. Hatless.

What did you write down? Mirror is reflection. Oh. Because I thought you were mapping to the fact that the trigger for the charisma saving throw was seeing a reflection in the pool and that that would be the final riddle. I would say if you had said that, I would have accepted it. I wrote down echo. So with how it's worded, it shouldn't be, like, at least echo was the first thing I thought of, but I'm like, no. Why shouldn't it be? Because you can't.

- Read it again? - What can't talk but will reply when spoken to? - You don't speak to an echo, right? So I was thinking like, oh, a canyon, 'cause a canyon makes an echo, so it might be canyon, but then the cave, like wall, technically. - All I know is that I got it. I didn't write a big, whole bowl of skeet here.

I mean, I'm like, wore off. Oh, it finally wore off! Let's never speak of this again. Oh, it finally wore off. You're a good friend. Hey, champ. See that game last night? No, I mean the flea and flare. The trunks, I thought they had it this time. It smells like shit in here. LAUGHTER

Congratulations, Brody. I made it. I'm getting rid of it. Holy shit. I love this game.

All right. Is there another piece of the crystal? Yes, I would give it to you, but it fills you with the same kind of lust that we were magically possessed by and are no longer and never will need to worry about ever again.

And you find yourselves with a long path ahead of you. You travel for 30 minutes an hour. Oh, I love flea and flail. Give me a nice ale. Before you finally find your way back to what appears to be that same outcropping where there is the statue in the fountain that is all dried up. The G is slowly fading, almost as if it had been written there

20, 30, 40 years ago. - Holy shit. - And there-- - Is the weed still there? - The weeds that you had been talking to have long since died and regrown into other plants. As you see that there are now three, there are still three paths in front of you. Oh, and I need you all to roll a d20. - Oh no. - Nice. - Seven. Lucky number seven. Dos.

You cannot use your eyes and ears at the same time without producing hallucinations. Oh, me? Yes. So you have to close your eyes to hear or you have to cover your ears to see. Or you have horrible hallucinations. I don't know what's going on with my head right now.

with a 19, maybe I'll find out. I need to roll again. Oh, I'm staring into the face of God! You randomly slip a self-inward into your everyday speech. It cannot be brought away from it. Wait, what? He got it again? Is that three roll? Sure, you can re-roll. You get one more re-roll, and if I don't like that one, you're gonna take 16. Three.

I think three's already happened. Has it? I don't like number three. Roll again. Three sucks. I got two, by the way. It doesn't work because Hootsie's not part of this. 15. Roll a d4.

- I'm trying these cool ones. Four. Perfect. When she laughs when you roll, that's when you know that you're fucked. - You lose one D4 letters of your name. Your name is now fff. - And that's like all of us acknowledge that. - Yes. - Yeah.

Hey, F-man! Yes, what is it, Grigel? Are you seeing the face of God and all of his angels? And all of heaven and earth below? And the joy and hopelessness of existence? Doesn't see anything.

- I got a two. - You got a two? You are obsessed with kittens. - With kittens? - Yes, or cats. - Oh. - Oh no, what if it's a Daxi, which is different than a kitten, I'd argue. - So that was like a universal magical enchantment. Like they just, my name's always been F. - Yeah, your name's just F. - Would we know it as F or as F?

You would know it as "f". Yeah. You're pronouncing the F. You know that that is the letter F, so you could still call him F-man. Yeah. But when you're talking to him, instead of saying "Frost", you'd be like, "Hey, f..." Do I still have "morning"? Or is "morning" gone? Oh! Oh!

Hmm, actually, let's find out what your new name is. Yes, let's randomize it. My name is Morph now. Motherfuckers. My name is Orinfo.

Hark! Hark! Troits and below! Bid our father the Sith King rise and the depths full foul in his fury! Blackwaves to the... Your name is Morrig Fott. M-O-R-I-G F-O-T. Morrig Fott. Morrig Fott. Morf. Yes? Morf.

Black waves teeming as salt and foam to smother this young bloated mouth with putrid pungent slime to choke ye, engorging your organs till ye turn blue in cockle shells and slithering tentacles, tail steaming beer to take up a bit thin to trident. Ah! Rico seems extra Feywild at this time. Are you?

Are you okay? Are you feeling lucid? He doesn't seem that different, honestly. And kittens are kind of cool, I guess. Mm-hmm. Well. Plunges through your gullet, bursting ye a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film, now a nothingful, but harpies and the souls of dead sailors to pack and claw and feed upon. Well,

Looks like Morgfot's gonna have to get us out of this one again. Alright, Fog. Look, you're awfully cute and all with your kitty cat wigs. But could you get him to shut the fuck up?

I don't know what you're experiencing now. We need to continue on this right path. Swallowed by the waters of the dread emperor himself. Forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any creature.

I've never forgotten even to the sea for any stuff that is part of Gricko. Even any scantling of my soul is Gricko no more, but now is of itself the sea. Do you think we can... Can you continue? Do you need help? To save, you need help. I mean, I think he's done. We put him out of his misery. I mean, at this point, what the fuck do we do? Let me see if I can...

Let me just see how this works before I spend beans on it, goodness. Lest you should spend your beans, Morgfot. Morgfot. Great name. Alright. Last for a minute. I don't know if I can help us. Um...

Grego, just look away. Like, don't look at whatever you're seeing. You seem distracted by some strange vision. It's not real. Just close your eyes. But the Harpy's in the... Oh, that's quite nice. Are you all right? Are you back to normal? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

What's going on? What's been happening? Well, your eyes are closed. Oh, I was wondering why it got so dark in here all of a sudden. If that's not the problem, then I propose we continue on the path. Jeremy says I finally ascended to my true fate. And the goblin I was meant to be. Which is not a goblin, but really an avatar of the sea, apparently. The sea? Yeah, I don't know why.

Do you want to keep your eyes closed? Should we... I think maybe because the last memory I have, we were on a pirate ship sailing into some sort of great maelstrom, and then suddenly reality and all the laws of physics destroyed. Maybe I became an avatar of all of the seas of adventures. Wait, so did you open your eyes and do that again? Yeah, and then I closed them again. Unless you want to do a bit. You can open your eyes again. Do I have to? Yeah.

Close them? No, that's fine. You fine? Open them again. Close them. Oh, it's quite nice. I suggest you keep them closed for the next eight hours and I can't suggest you not. That's well deduced. Oh, um, okay. Do you resist? No. Well. My ears hurt. Can we keep going? Oh.

- Why do you use him? Do crocodiles even have ears? - Is Tempest correct, he can't use both at the same time? - He can't use both at the same time without having horrible hallucinations. So he can still hear and see at the same time, he just has the hallucinations, but if he covers his ears, he can see without having hallucinations. If he closes his eyes, he can hear without having hallucinations. - Okay, I was worried that Remi had just blinded and deafened Rico for the next eight hours.

Uh, here, here, here. Oh, let me grab your tail! Oh, ooh. This is a hempen rope, it's a hempen rope, it's fine, it's fine. Just hold on to-- no, stop reaching for additional appendages, just grab the rope. Just hold on to this. Tie it around your waist or something. Poor fart. Oh, more fart, oh gosh. You're such a-- Oh, morag. This is a very fuzzy rope. Yeah, yeah. It reminds me of Wormy Jim or whatever his name was, Willy?

I love that guy. I hope we meet him again. He's probably the big bad of this adventure. Just stay like four feet, five feet away from me. Don't lose him. So are you going left, right, or forward? Just the way that we haven't gone. The way that we haven't gone. Okay, so right. Right. But why are we going left? Or left, whatever. You're going the way you haven't gone. Why are we going right?

You make your way towards the left and you continue down the path, twisting and turning this way and that, coming to some dead ends here and there until you finally spill out into what appears to be a swamp.

thick and murky, the smells of putrid water assailing your nostrils, the sounds of croaking frogs and insects almost erupting around you. And you feel scared. You feel fear. You feel as if all hope has been lost as you look behind you and the way you had come. There's nothing but swamps for miles behind you.

You are overcome with sadness. I need you all to roll a perception check, except for Gricko, who fails automatically because his eyes are closed and he cannot open them. 18. 25. Both of you look around and you see the only bits of color that stand out from anything at all are these random bits of almost a...

a duochrome kind of moss that shifts from green to purple. And it almost shimmers and glitters as if it contains some kind of magical property. As well as you see that there are

these small, almost like hornets, but they're significantly bigger than you would expect. Their color is this shiny metallic black as they buzz around. They're badass fucking things. The Sylvan's path. As they buzz around these large trees that seem to have almost what you would imagine to be beehives that are dripping with this iridescent honey.

Outside of that, nothing else seems to be out of place. How much does this feel like home to me? Not at all. This feels very strange to you. The trees look similar, and it feels like a swamp. This is clearly a magical swamp. This is clearly a magical swamp. Smells like shit in here. Yes, watch this. Do you want me to carry you in the trap?

Oh, yeah, that'd be quite nice. He's going to drown if you... Well, I'm worried he's just going to, like, one of his foot... Yeah, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me... And what I will say is, looking above you, you see that this swamp is clearly under what appears to be a gigantic oak tree. And you are nestled within the roots, and it is swampy and murky, and there is... It almost feels like there's a sense or a taste of salt on the air. Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna grab both of Frost's ears and squeeze really hard. Ow, please stop. Oh no, go, oh. He's got like cute little cat ears. Stop doing that. That hurts, Bricko. Can I give you a scratch? Jeremy, Jeremy, keep saying. Can I give you a scratch? Get on the target, Frosty.

It's Fon, all right? I mean, Graco. Oh. No, his name's Fonny. Ride a tiger. You can see his thoughts, but you know he's mean. Does it smell salty to you, Kremi? Yes. Some lot can never be seen. Okay, we've got these bees over here. Yeah, there's some honey. And we've got...

That's awful. Can I just give you a scratch? Oh, me too. I mean, first, what's your name again? Fott. Morrig Fott. Oh, Morrig Fott. You're so... You're so scritchy-scrotchy. Just get it all out.

- We're looking for a tablet. We're looking for a tablet. - All right, tablet. - Does anyone see a tablet? - I feel a little spooked in here. I mean, it's kind of like, you know. - Oh, I'm sorry, Gricko. - Why is it so dark in here? - Roll an investigation check for anyone who's looking for the tablet. - I'll look as well. - Go that way, Frosty. I think I heard you. - Amarnath, thank you for the dix! - Thank you! - I'm gonna roll a d6 to see who this is going to affect. Three. Gricko, I need to roll a d20. - Man, I'm invulnerable.

- Oh, thank you. - Oh no, we're supposed to do the fast thing. - Derek, what is that? Want to roll? - You rolled a two. - Two. - I'll roll again. - 19. - Roll again. - You can probably use most of them. Numero uno. - Roll again. - Roll again. - 15. - No, roll again. - Seven.

No, roll again. What happens if it's already been chosen? Just pick the next one up. I'm not going to do that. I want you to roll again. Roll again. Four. Four. You are physically incapable of looking anyone in the eye. Great. I feel great. Easy. But that persists through the rest of this thing. Yeah, that's going to be forever.

I feel great. I'm glad. Within 20, you are easily able to look and you see that this tree, though it appears to be an oak in nature, that it is bent for, and it is enormous. It is like,

because I don't know distance, is like 200 feet tall. All right? This is crazy. Yeah. This is like Empire State Building levels of tree. 200 feet tall is very reasonable for a tree. Oh, cool. And you are nestled in the roots at the very base, and you can see that it looks like water is running down from the very tops of this tree as its foliage, as its boughs are bent in that weeping willow fashion. And at the very base, you see almost as if

curtained by the leaves. There appears to be a tablet that is etched into one of these roots. And next to it is a small seat, an easel, and a bunch of paints.

Hmm. Do you see that? This is some pretty epic stuff we're doing, guys! Yes, we're really making headway. Smells like shit in here! I just sort of jostle him like we're actually making headway. Krammy, do you see it? Yeah, but you still don't paint and stuff. I don't, where? Do you have the ability to undo your suggestion?

Can you cast Light? Yes, but I don't really want to. Can you cast Light? Can you read Sylvan? No, can you read Sylvan? I cannot. Do you know how we're going to get out of this adventure? Can't you just, like, use your mind to read every fucking written language? No, I have the ability to gain great proficiency in a variety of skills as I tap into the cosmos. But that does not include just being able to universally speak all languages. That would be absurd.

Fair point. Let's make our way over and see if it's in Sylvan, but we may have, Graco may need to read this. That's the last fucking resort, you understand? I can't tolerate him screaming for another fucking ten minutes. Well, I don't have, how are we? Why would I scream for ten minutes? You know, I can hear you loud and clear. It's really dark in here. Can someone use light? We make our way over to the table. You do, and you see that it is clearly written in Sylvan.

I'm gonna refer to the Discord from three or four days ago. Well look, I never once said that you shouldn't take the spell as part of your spelling. That's not what I meant. That's fair, that's fair. There's a distinction between psionic spells and the rest of these spells. That's right, that's right. Um... Fuck, I dropped a suggestion.

Oh, it's gone. Won't you, oh earth and sea, for the devil sends the beast with wrath, for he knows the time is short. You cannot make eye contact with them. I'm looking straight ahead. He knows the time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for he is a human number. I put my hand over his eyes. Oh, that's quite pleasant. Griggo, I'm not sure how to...

We're going to put you in front of a tablet. As soon as you open your eyes, we need you to read what you see, okay? Well, no, can't we just like phonetically like, I guess the characters don't even make sense. No, it would be all scripty, right? Well, if you remember when you tried to read it that one time, I did say that he understood what you were saying. So yes, I would say you could try and you could read it out the way that you see phonetically and that I would make Gricko roll to see if he understands that.

Your Sylvan pronunciation is pretty good as of like 15 minutes ago. So why don't you give, why don't you try to read it just phonetically and then he can tell us. I have no idea what you mean by that statement for me. Um,

I will take a piece of cloth and I will wrap it around in a blindfold style Graco's head and tie it in the back and just sort of secure his blindness knowing that Grameath's spell has ended. And then I will go to the tablet and I'll start to attempt to... Sure, what do you read? Um... I guess I'll pull out some shit. Ha ha ha ha!

Why did I close the tab? It's so stupid. Never knew when clothing was gonna come in handy. Uh, strip the list. Oh!

Protrom? Protrom. You have to hang on, take on the trom. No, you gotta let the M linger a little bit. Protrom. Okay, that's better. Unatindas. You try. I understand what you mean. Criple? Criple.

Okay. Ronal. Oh. Oh, this is very, ooh, this is grim. Gooparoy? And what have we gotten so far? Oh, you don't want Gooparoy. You do not want Gooparoy. Keep going, Frosty, keep going, Frosty, don't stop. Barrow's Lacerded Lurage Tricting Inverterent.

The next line: "Freaksus Ronal, Exisible We're..." Oh, Freaksus Ronal! Okay, that's okay, okay. "We're Dromson." Oh! Ooh, this is dramatic! "Pacidifical Sibleus, Fountainate." Oh!

Wow, that's very beautiful. Whoever wrote this. I think Korvalkal is the rhyme that gets made at the end there. I mean, it was actually pretty good until the last bit kind of ruined the case. I think Pantameter was really thrown off. It may just be my pronunciation.

Thank you for doing that. Can you read that again for us? And then I will translate as he says it. Her rage built up and darkened her soil. Her leaves would fall and her branches recoil. As the winters raged, her crystal heart shattered. All she'd lost, nothing mattered. Her roots carried the pieces far and wide, burying them deep for none to find.

That was the best I could do. I was writing a lot of rhymes, alright? That was the best I could do. Fuck you, yeah. See, the ending there just seems like... That's not like, wow, that's... I mean, that's really funny. I mean, you know, maybe it's like one of those poems, like, in the native language, like, to a native speaker, not someone who learned it like me, like, it makes a little more sense, but none of us can really appreciate the cultural significance. You know, um...

Translators note. Keikaku-mi's plan. One more again, please. Her rage built up and darkened her soil. Her leaves would fall and her branches recoil. As the winters raged, her crystal heart shattered. All she'd lost, nothing mattered. Her roots carried the pieces far and wide, burying them deep for none to find. Fied.

You see find is scratched out and fight is written and then fight is scratched out and find is written. Well, uh... I think it's more of a dialogue. I think I have it. Okay. I mean, I have the... I don't know what the solution is. Oh, it smells like shit in here. You keep saying that. It's a swamp, of course. Oh, I thought we were in a really dark cave. No. Oh, that's why it's so damp. And there's mosquitoes all over. Yes.

That makes a lot more sense. I guess we've got to put the crystal heart back together and shove it in the tree. And it'll awaken whatever got spurned by Oberyn the Green Lord. Well, Mantis is like anger and rage a couple times. Well, she's a jilted lover. You know, hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn and all that. No, no, no. That's extremely insightful, Grimko. I think that's very reasonable. Oh. Do we have the pieces we need? Is it?

- Yes. - You have two pieces. - Try to put it together. Does it make something? - When I had the two pieces just after finishing the riddle and being on my own, did it look like it created a complete-- - You put them together and it creates what appears to be the top part of a heart, but it does not have the tip piece. But when you put them together, they fused.

And so they're now one piece, but it's still missing. Do I feel sadly lustful when I hurt you? You do, yeah. Well, I suppose. We've already had riddles and knowledge and we had lust.

We also had laughter to get against sorrow. Is there some sort of trial nearby where we have to evoke rage or soothe rage? - There's an easel. - Oh! - And some paints. - Oh! - But it's, look, I mean, that might belong to somebody. I just don't wanna start using it in case-- - An easel in the middle of the swamp? - No. - Are these anybody's paints? Is there anyone here? - Roll a persuasion check. - That's where I'm a Viking.

That was a great silver word, mostly. Mm-hmm. Four. You hear the pixies' laughter. They're here. Mixie. All right, show yourselves. Look, let's talk about this whole diseasal thing. This is definitely not a coincidence. Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. You know what, I'm always...

- Oh, almost so good. - You're just not learning how to talk to Bixies. - 14. - You hear giggling and then you hear one of them smack one of the other and you hear a little bickering back and forth and then you feel a weight on your shoulder again. It's me again, it's Bixie. - Oh, what do do Bixie? - You know, you could use a happier tone. We don't like your attitude.

Oh, well, I mean, Pixies are a joyous folk, you know, and we're just stole my hat. It brought us lots of joy. Yeah.

Oh, I mean... We like to steal. From our point of view, yeah. Stealing is good. The pixies are evil. From our point of view, stealing is good. So yeah, we're joyful folk. What are you trying to say? I know, I'm not trying to say, look, I'm not passing judgment. You know, I just, if you could kindly, you know, let us know what the deal is with this here easel. What are you going to do for me? Actually, you know, you better be

You gotta be done something for me. What are you gonna do for Wixie? Wixie's not all in on trusting ya. All right, well, we got a new channel called Legends of Adventress and if it's Wix, we could get a sponsorship. We could definitely get a-- What is he talking about? Don't listen to him, he's seen the eye of God. My brain's a little melted. Oh, he's losing his mind. What are you gonna do for Wixie? I mean, we could use this easel here and paint you something awful nice.

no we don't care about that no well maybe the tree does though i don't think these people are seeing the angels of god now he's got a brain oh we don't care what these pixies want why are you asking what do you mean you don't care what you know we care what you want these pixies don't want to help you yeah we care what the pictures but we mix it we're not trying to appease my name is bixie and you are starting to offend me i'm sorry i assume that you were nixie twixie big

- Ness, Quixie, Quixie, Mixie, Vixie, Zixie, Wixie, and Bob. - Do you have-- - Ness, Quixie died! - Just out of curiosity, to sate my own curiosity, are there other Pixies like yourself who complete the alphabet gamut? - Oh no, there are some letters we don't use. - I was gonna say that there are two in specific ways that seem right out. - Yeah, you don't wanna use those letters. - Okay. - My favorite is Ness, Quixie.

What? Yeah. She's thirsty. Anyway, what was your question outside of the alphabet? If Wixie finds joy in any specific thing. If she has something that she loves even more than stealing hats. Hmm. Do you like mice? I do. I don't know if Wixie does. Wixie, you like mice?

Yeah, she likes mice. I have this mouse harness where if you could fight a mouse and slap it on a little mouse, you could ride him around like your own steed. We're gonna accept that trade. That's a really great trade. We only have our butterflies.

And let me tell you, if the ground is not firm at all, they can't walk on it. What good are butterflies if they can't even walk around on non-firm ground? I mean, probably flying on their big, beautiful wings. But what if you're tired of flying? No. If I had wings, I would never get tired. Before I give you this, will you give me my spatula and my hat back?

Oh, I don't know. I don't know if that trade's going to be good enough for us. You're going to have to sweeten the pot. All right, fuck it. How does a graffiti bottle stand? I wish I had my own inventory. There's so much crazy shit in there. What does that do? We got it from an innkeeper who is literally five million years old. I stole it. So he was pretty young then.

Well, I mean, I guess it's a matter of perspective. He was young and hard. Basically, there's a very powerful being inside that can grant you lots of wishes. Bob thinks that's a good trade. We'll take the Afridi bottle and the mouse harness and we'll give you all of your junk back. All right, here you go. All right, thanks. And they give you your stuff back. So what are you going to give us now to help you with this swamp problem?

Yeah, didn't think that through, did you? We want more. Oh, fuck. We want a lot more. I mean... Oh, what would you trade for a very lovely joke? Your humour. What?

We want your humor. Oh! Oh, so would you help us? They have a mice harness. Can't you, like, create a mouse and they can ride off into the sunset? No, but then they'll get really sad once he disappears. Yeah, we definitely would because he just told us that we disappear. Yeah, we disappear. I mean, that's a bum deal if you ask me. Sounds super bum. Do you like quiche? No. Fuck. He doesn't like quiche. Um...

What do you call a short, slimy, stumpy, wiggly pole? Gricko. No. A tadpole. We've changed our mind. We don't want your humor.

I mean, do you want more stuff? Frost has got a lot of stuff. You've seen through my pack, I would assume. Yeah, we looked through it all and we took what we wanted. We didn't know this bottle had something cool in it or that that weird pile of leather was going to get us a mouse mount. Yeah, I mean, you could literally get three wishes, which is like unbelievable. Cool. Wait, why didn't we just wish for the answer then? Oh. You know, I didn't really think about that. That's okay. It's us now. Fine.

Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, Gwime? I got this devil's gate book, whatever the fuck. Oh, it has a devil on the front. No. With the same as Pedri's chest. We want something that's going to make us really happy. Oh, oh no. A big old bowl of skier. No. That's all I got. Do you like magic? Will you give us your magic? Oh.

In a way. Okay. I got a paper with some magic written all over it. So? I mean, do you want it? No. Oh, well. Are you going to expand upon what that's supposed to mean? I'm not stupid. I'm a pixie, but I ain't stupid. Hey, look, it's a spell scroll. You know what a spell scroll is? I'm a pixie, but I ain't stupid. Well, I have a spell scroll. Of what?

Something that could have come in handy. A comprehend language. No, that's all right. No fucking way. Are you serious? I should have gone through my back. I use my slippers of spider climbing to climb up 200 feet to the top of this fucking trunk and then drop to my chest. I got a broom of flying. Okay, we'll take it. Oh, wait.

You'll take it for helping us in exchange, trade. Yes. Why don't you pay something that makes the tree angry? Be more specific with your wording. In order to accept the broom of wine, which for them it would be like a- No, I don't think we really want your broom anymore, but we would like language. Oh. Can you give us your language? I don't like the way you're wording that. She smiles at you. I will give you my druidic. Your what? My language of druidic language.

druids have a secret language they use to communicate and it's very secret there's symbols that they can read hold on bob what do you think about that what no ah no you just got jinxed idiot bob pulled out a guitar fucking bob

Yeah, we'll take you druid. You give us one druid and we will-- Druidic language, not my druid powers. How about you give us one druidic and we'll give you the answer to what you do in this swamp. Yes, here you go. Perfect, shake on it. She flies around and she shakes your hand. No, to your right, Rigo. Oh.

You got it. That's my man boob. And she flies around and takes his hand. Alright, that's great. Oh, you have very soft hands. Thanks. Finally, there's some aloe lotion around here. So what you're gonna do is this is the Swamp of Lost Hope. So you're just gonna pick

and show the Dryad that there's still hope left in the world. It's really as simple as that. I think I said that a half an hour ago. You did, which is why I don't know why you made a deal. Well, no, you said being an angry picture is what you said. That's true. We would have been trial and error. We would have forgiven. No, I said, or soothe anger. Yeah, that is what Greco said. Yeah, but hopeful's not really soothing. I mean, it's a little... Thank you for giving us your druidic magic, Gubal.

Goodbye. Oh, you know what? I think, um, blindfolded, I might be able to make a masterpiece of modern art. Here, give me the paint. Hey, our title is Hope. Give me $500,000. He's just taking a stick and he's hitting one of the roots. Oh, I totally forgot to tell you. Modern art! It's gonna be really hard to impress her because, you know, she's kind of a tree now. So you're gonna need to eat one of...

Is it the moss or is it the honey? I don't remember. I don't know. You have to eat either the moss or the honey to give you the ability to paint the kind of thing she's going to want to see. Thank you. You're welcome. That's good to know. Good luck. I call honey.

I call not eating anything and giving it a go without following the mischievous pixie's recommendation. Jeremy, what do you think? You're lost! Jeremy, what do you think we should do? I'll remember that you existed as part of the prompt for this adventure.

And the pixies make their leave. And Gricko, you feel magically empty. Oh no, I can no longer communicate the secret language of circles of other druids in the Forgotten Realm. You actually feel like you can't cast spells, period. Oh fuck, I've been bamboozled. The wording was druidic, and to the pixies, that meant all of your druidic magic. Oh gosh.

Well, I've done goofed. You're no longer a gorilla? No. I guess not. Now I'm just Graco. Not just the goblin. You've still got that crossbow and you are standing on a pumpkin eternally. Can I make a pie out of this thing? It's way too old for pies. Are you guys going to continue to play this game? No. No.

We're fried. I will go up and sans moss or honey, I will attempt to paint a picture of hope. I will picture in my mind the statue of the Dryad. And I will, instead of seeing her weeping, I will see her hands

outstretched in, um, uh, uh, not just excitement and joy and happiness, but in, in, in receiving what she wishes in her fondest heart. I will attempt to drop that. You, you pick up the paints and you watch as, uh, out of his pack, uh, Frost pulls out a beret and a, a black turtleneck sweater and some skinny jeans. And he, uh,

begins to paint like an artiste. Just, yes. But exactly like that. And he's covered in essentially oil paints. He smudges and draws this out and to you that are looking, it is beautiful. I need you to roll performance check for me, please. Has it been more than an hour? Yes. Ah.

Natural 20. Well, that's fucking good. What's your plus? Performance? Yeah.

This is where I'm a Viking. Natural 20. It doesn't seem to do anything at all. You imagine that the pixies were not lying to you. That for this to work, there has to be some innate magicality to it. And though they couldn't remember whether it was the moss or the honey, you need to have some kind of boon. Which one did you want? Honey? Honey?

I would have chosen moss. Grego, do you have any skin in this? I don't have skin. Yes. I go up to the onion and eat it. Okay. No, my skin's on me right now. I need you to roll an acrobatics to see if you were stung and killed by the angry hornets. Remember, if they start stinging you, don't go under the water. They'll just wait.

The moss is completely unguided. Yeah, I ate the moss. Okay, thank you. I forgot I got the hornets. These are honey-making hornets. Can I have the moss? Can I get the moss too? Yeah, absolutely. Hey Frosty, give me some moss. Sure, no problem. To your left.

I got a 15. There you go. Okay, yeah. You're able to weave in and out of them as you acquire the honey. It is this beautiful, very similar in color to the crystal and to some of the flowers that you've seen. It's this beautiful pearlescent, iridescent color to it. And you pull up a handful and you begin to eat it. And you feel that your charisma has increased.

as you find yourself with a baseline 21 charisma instead of 20. Oh. But you also gain a plus 15 to anything that requires your charisma. Oh, shit.

And upon eating this, you-- - Is it anything that requires his first move? - Yes. - Your spell save DC is fucking crazy. - You have partaken in Fey Honey and it has emboldened you. You feel like you could perform, you could paint, you could sing, you could kill fucking anything. However.

- You feel anything, Gregon? - You are both overcome. - Taste of shit in here! - You are both overcome with the horrible taste of melancholy moss. 'Cause your charisma is tanked to two from whatever it was before.

- And you have a negative 12 to anything that requires charisma. You are overcome with sadness. - Boo, boo, Jeremy. - I know him. - Jeremy never made it past the water frog antics. - I know. - I killed him. - Yes, you did. - I killed the flea.

In me. In me. Oh, Jeremy, can you ever forgive me? Hey, Frost, how many hit points do you think Ricko has? Now there's not a druid in the knowledge. I'll just take off like now. Like 10? Probably less. 24. 24. Roll it. You have three hit points.

I mean, he's not really useful to us anymore, is he? Your persuasive voice. No. Not without Jeremy. Jeremy was always the soul.

Jeremy was the brains of the operation because he lived in my brain sometimes. You realize you're fine. You're not melancholy, right? You're just fucking with us? Alright. Rick, I need you to open your eyes and look at the flowers. Oh, shit.

- This adventure's taking a turn. - Wait, what happened? - The flowers? - Look at the flowers. - No, I'm just-- - 'Cause you're hallucinating. - It's a literary reference. - It's a terrible literary reference. We'll never get out of here. - I will look, I'll open my eyes, and I'll say, "Oh, it's Charlie!"

And I'll die like a gnome in World of Warcraft. The quick hop and death. Uh, I fall and I weep uncontrollably. Uh,

I was-- it was just a prank, bro. Get up. It was just a prank. No, you're just the endless sobbing of frost over the floating corpse of Graco now. And you realize as you're sobbing that the moisture in the air and that taste of salt in the air is actually the tears that this tree has been crying for what could have been centuries. Yeah, salt.

How many hornets are there? A lot. Hundreds. Alright, let's get on with this fucking heist. I walk up to the easel. What's the point? You guys are just bringing me down. I should be able to talk my way out of this, but I guess a fucking painting will do. And I'll paint a...

beautiful cityscape of Agwe. You tear off the sheet of poster paper that... Just cover it up. It's useless. And you toss it into the swamp as you paint a picture. It's a beautiful morning in the Magnolia Promenade. People are bustling through the streets. For Morag Fott? What's that? Morag Fott. What?

- Or a font. - Sounded similar to, yes. - Got it. And it's just, it's a beautiful, hopeful beginning of a day in my beautiful hometown. - Roll a performance check. - That's where I'm sort of liking.

Well, remember this is-- Nine plus 20 is 29. You imbue the magics of this Fey Honey into every stroke of paint and you watch as it catches the light and almost comes to life.

and as you finish it with the final stroke of the brush, you watch as it does come to life. And almost like a movie, which you have no concept of, it begins to play out and you see the happy, bustling lives and people who had once been heartbroken finding love again. And you hear the sounds of roots rustling. There is an effect here.

As the roots move and open up and you see a wooden stairwell that leads up into the very heart of this tree. Your friends lay weeping in the muck. All right, fellas. Y'all need some honey. And I'm going to go over...

And I'm going to... I'm gonna get two big angels on it. Roll an acrobatics check. Can I just shoot the wasp? You can try. Oh god. I'm just gonna make an acrobatics check. Oh god. Twist it. I'm twisting it. Yeah. Oh god, I'm twisting it.

Oh god. That's outrageous. It was 10. And if any come near me, I'm just gonna fucking shoot them with Eldritch Blast. Are you? I'll just take a look here. I just gave a twist! Oh shit. One more. I rolled a d6. It was a 2, so that's frost. Can you roll a d20 for me? There we go, 17. Oh yeah. Or no, 18. 13.

- Wait, no it's not. It's 16, sorry. - You believe, this is so good. You believe you've been turned into a lycanthrope. You haven't. - Oh, we're wolves in London. - I'm bound with grief over the death of my friend, Grickon. And Morgfant looks to the sky to see his greatest fear.

You see the full moon. It's happening! Crabby, run!

You're like dodging fucking words. "Hey, I'm in it now!" "Hey!" What?! "Thank you!" "Let me fucking have the drink!" "I've never told you this before, but Morag Funt is a were-kent." What?!

Wait, what? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

I'm a weird cat, I'm a weird cat, I'm a weird cat! Eat it! Is it a werewolf solution? Uh, yeah. Don't let me bite you! I may still... I just smear the honey all over Grisha's face. The honey cures the melancholy, but it does not cure the pay afflictions.

All I feel is fear and hate. All I see are fear and hate made manifest by the darkness in the hearts of men. Close your eyes, Graco. Oh. Smells like shit in here. Frost, where's your pack? It's on my back.

Walt, if you're distracted enough, I'm just gonna try to go into your pack and try to just pull the heart pieces out. Probably. You'll feel sad when you pull it out, but you instantly get wood. Oh, that explains a lot. I'm a monster! I'm a monster! All right, fellas, let's go. Wait, what?

A monster. Why are you a monster? Are you alive? Apparently. Don't let me bite you. Stay away from me. Oh, you already did, Frosty. We follow up, Revan. I'm terrified of my transformation. I am!

- I'm like a pinky, pinky, hempen rope and I just tie it around both of them and I just pull them along into the tree. - You do, you pull them along into the tree and as you step foot in the tree, the afflictions that you had originally had disappear, not the twist of fate ones. So Jeremy's still in your nose, you still think you're a were-tiger, you're still sneezing glitter.

But the other ones had dissipated. As you're able to open your eyes without seeing those horrific visions and you find yourself in the bowels of this tree. Sorry, I had to burp. And these stairs, these wooden stairs leading all the way up and you can see it goes on what feels like for a mile and you walk and you walk and you walk all the while afraid you're going to turn into a werecat. That is happening, it's truly happening.

You claim the moonlight is shining in through the cracks in the wood, but you can both clearly see the sun out. It's midday, or early afternoon. As you make your way up through the tree, until you finally, it takes about an hour or so, you finally get towards the very top. There is a wooden pedestal and a landing, and on it is what appears to be the final piece,

final broken piece of the crystalline heart. And I pick up the last piece. Why am I so sticky? Is it anger? I pick up the last piece. No, it's hopelessness. Oh, I feel hopeless. You feel hopelessness. I don't know about that.

You pick it up quickly and you feel hopelessness wash over you, but you still have the honey pumping through your veins. You're able to shrug it off long enough to connect the heart pieces together. And you watch as they infuse with light and begin to expand and contract as the heart swells and fuses together. And then it begins to beat and pulse. You feel the tree around you shaking. - Look at that.

and it begins to get smaller and smaller and smaller, forcing you out. You feel yourselves being constricted by this tree as you begin to rush down the stairs as the tree is slowly getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And you run and you run and you run as you finally jump out of the door, expecting to land face down in the disgusting shit-smelling bog that you had entered in from. But you find yourself in a beautiful floral glade

You can hear the pixies, Nixie, Twixie, Bixie, Quixie, Mixie, Vixie, Zixie, Wixie, and Bob all laughing from the edges, seeming to find this entire endeavor hilarious. And as you turn and look, you see that there is a, what appears to be an oaken woman standing in front of you and inside of her chest cavity.

Pulsing and pumping is a crystalline heart that is slowly moving from that pearlescent white to a pale pink as it deepens into a darker red. And you watch as the oak flesh on her body begins to shift and change into normal skin. And after a while, as you all watch and wonder and concern, there is a beautiful,

drop-dead gorgeous frost dryad and you've seen these before standing in front of you she looks down at all of you as she holds her heart i cannot believe that you saved my life i was like a freaking tree for so long

Oh, well, what do you do there, Miss Lady? The name's Kremle Crew. You know, I felt so hopeless. It was like he left me, you know, for his freaking wife. Like, who even does that? Well, that does sound like... You know, and I thought, I am never going to find love again. So I should just turn into a tree and break my heart into pieces and, like, hide them all over the place so that no one can ever put them back together because I'm done.

Well, how do you feel now? I mean... I'm just super sad, but also like really happy a little bit.

Well, you know. Because, like, I feel hopeful, you know. Like, I saw your painting, and I want to go there. I bet there are guys there that would like a girl like me, you know. I also feel like I've had, like, 16 bottles of wine, and I get really emotional when I have wine, you know. I mean, there's at least pretty much 90% of the guys walking around that town would 100% go for a gal like you. But, you know, it doesn't even matter because I've realized that,

that my worth isn't determined by whether Oberyn thinks I'm hotter or better than Titania, you know what I mean? It was just young. I was like 4,000 years younger than I am now. And a broken heart is not a hardened heart. There's a freaking gnat here and I want it to go away. I'm talking to my new friends. I'm sorry. Before you continue, I'm glad that we were able to help you. Please, don't let me bite you. My name is Morag Fart.

That's gone. The mark of fire is gone. I thought that was one of the permanent ones. No. It's the lycanthrope one. Yeah, the lycanthrope one is the only one that you have remaining.

My name is Morning Frost. I'm glad we were able to help you. I'm so glad you were able to help me too. I thought that like hardening myself and like building this wall around my heart like figuratively and literally would totally fix my problems, but it doesn't. You know what I think would? Like a really good therapist.

Well, I think that's definitely the next step. Also build a support group. He was like super hot, you know, and I should have known everything he was saying was too good to be true. Like you could be the next queen of the summer court. Like we just have to go out into the woods and like it just, oh.

Sounds like you're dealing with an emotional hangover after a relationship with a narcissist. Oh my god, you're telling me. I think that you should really think about... And you know, all of my friends said, no, don't do it. You know, Griselda went and did it. We haven't seen her in like 14,000 years. Oh, that's a long time. I can't even comprehend that in my small goblin brain. We've got so much to tell us.

I'm seven influence. My name is Grim Grim. I'm sorry you said, but you know what? You'll be rebirthed like a mythical creature. Oh, you know, like one of those, what is it? Phonics? I think it's a Yeti. What? A Yeti.

You mean a Yemlin? Oh, a Yemlin. No, I don't think those have reborn in anything, but you know what is really... Oh, my God. No, seriously, though. Do you guys want to hang out and watch a movie?

I don't know. Because I've got major image. I could show you some really cool stuff. I actually need to be chained to some sort of object in the future. Otherwise, I'll attempt to kill everyone here. That sounds really horrible, Frost. But if you chain me nearby, I'd be happy to experience it as a monster. My favorite movie ever...

Mean grills and it's about barbecue grills that are horrible to each other Yeah, wait to each other like not they're not like evil attack grills. They've just mean to each other Well, yeah, like everybody in their life, you know And they have this thing called a burn book Where it's like a book that they put inside of them and they burn it up on the piece. Are there any fleas in it?

It's hard for Jeremy to relate to anything if there's no fleas in it. But there's a queen bee in it, and she's like a huge bee, you know, and she creates a lot of honey, but it's like super poisonous. It rhymes with flea, though. It's not really a flea. I mean, do you have any flea related material? Have you ever met someone named Karen? No. Oh. She can tell the weather. No. I think I could probably... Well, oh, no. Ah!

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I thought it was coming. I thought it was coming. But anyway, you know...

have to say is I'm so thankful that you came and you rescued me and you went through all of the stuff that I had laid out thinking no one would ever put in the time for me. I said, Willow Evergreen, you ain't worth it. You fell in love with that stupid slime ball Oberyn and you ain't worth nothing and so no one's ever going to go through these trials for you but you proved me wrong, you sweet little cat and whatever you are and this crocodile over here. You

- You did that for me. - I'm a tabaxi. This is a graco.

Yeah. And what's our reward? I'm gonna let you out of my maze. I'm not gonna trap you here forever. Oh, well. And feed on your souls. I mean, like, we got like three pieces of heart. Suck all of the joy and happiness out of your souls in the hopes that I find joy and happiness in my soul. I'm not gonna do that to you like I did to thousands of others before you. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm gonna let you go. Not even like a few extra hit points?

What do you mean? Just like, I mean, we put some like heart pieces together and, you know, made a- You've done me a great service. Are the other pixies still around? Oh yeah, they're laughing. Are these other pixies your friends? No, they're just pixies. They're just around? Yeah, they do what pixies do, whatever they want. Okay. Well, when I- I hope you didn't make any deals with them. Well, that's exactly my point. When I am feeling more myself in the morning, I have a deal that I need to finish with Bob.

Well, I hope you'll be able to get into contact with Bob. He's the worst of them all. He seems nice, but he ain't. Well, maybe I'll do it now then. Because if I can't get into contact with him, I understand that if I don't knit a tiny scarf and sweater that I will die.

That's my understanding of how packs work. Do you want a tiny scarf and sweater? If you have one that's pixie-sized, I would love it. Yeah, I'll create one right now, just out of the ether. And she snaps her fingers, and there's a tiny sweater, and a big bee is emblazoned on it. Oh! Hey, Bob. Oh! You quickly feel as a fairy snatches it from you out of your hand. Still invisible. Oh!

Thank you. I begin to tie myself to the nearest doctor. Oh, can you give me about roughly six levels of Druid? No. Ah...

Can you undo a fey pack that he made? I can't. No, I'm sorry. Fey packs are forever. Didn't you read about that in the pamphlet when you came into the Feywild? You should have been given a map and a pamphlet and a fanny pack. No, I didn't get any of those things. But you gotta be careful about where you call it a fanny pack, because in some places, fanny doesn't mean what you think it means. Oh, it means like... Yeah. Like a... Yeah. Yeah.

Like a what? Like a what? Yeah. Like a... Yeah. Like a what? I don't know. Oh, you know. We can't say the name unless someone would hear. No. I don't know. You know, you would blush. Maybe when you're older, Gricko, all right? You're too young. Well, I mean, with my seven headphones, I feel like I haven't... But you know, I just feel so great right now. So if you want

I can't leave. I just tied myself up. Great. That's totally fine. I'll understand. I mean, can I take that at face value? I feel like you're not really being honest. I'm totally being honest. It's not like he's been trapped as a tree for the longest time without a heart or anything, feeding on the happiness and the souls of unsuspecting wanderers into my glade. Why don't we watch Mean Girls on the major image? Oh my god, you mean it?

Oh, Mean Grills it. Perfect. And she'll cast Major Image and you will spend like two years watching Mean Grills because time is different until she finally releases you and she seems happy. Other Dryads begin coming into the Glade as you notice that the wall

of the maze have been relinquished back into the earth. - This is my favorite scene. - And she ends up, by the time you leave, she has maybe 15 Dryad friends who have surrounded her as they eat popcorn, drink wine, tell stories. All of them have had some kind of tryst with Oberyn that they're not happy about. And you are allowed to take a portal to wherever you want in the Feywild and that's where we'll call this session over.

I'm sorry for what you're about to witness. Turn away. I can feel it happening. I fucking hate to do that. The end. The end. You saved the dryad.

Thank you. And then alternative horror ending where it pans over, pans over, and it's like two years later, and it's Mean Grills, and the Dryads are all watching, and they're all laughing, and then you see three humanoid figures, and it's just like the fucking ring, and they're going... And there's a big music sting, and I jump scare.

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