Icebound | Side Story 1 | The Choice To Head South
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Derek Hudson and you're listening to Icebound. Only two or three weeks have passed since the new year. You hail from Ogerton, but you are not in Ogerton. The three of you, like some before you, have chosen not to stay and rebuild that community, that settlement.

Freedom pulls at your heart. Why stay when you could learn about a world of unknowns, a world of magic and fantastic stories? You've heard rumors, you've been told legends, you've been told information from some who claim to have ventured beyond the small pocket of the universe that you once called home.

But now you are on your own, the three of you, looking to see what you can find, looking to see what is actually out there. You two yearn for adventure. Before leaving, you remember speaking with the, now in many ways, the leader of that community, Mylon. And he agreed that you could go. Certainly, you were free to choose your own path and your own destiny.

You took a few things that you could call your belongings, some cold weather clothes, perhaps something to defend yourself with, enough rations that you could carry, and he bid you farewell but asked as a favor. If you chose any direction to go in, why not head south? Why not head south towards the mountains? There is something very special to him, heading that same direction.

And if you happen to catch up or learn any information, well, it would make him feel better and sleep better at night to know that the three of you might just be there to help. So you've journeyed one week, two, three weeks, and you have learned for the first time how to apply the skills that you learned growing up as part of a strange family of ogres, let's say.

Learning how to cook in the wild. Learning how to forage in the wild. Learning how to do the things that have been done in this very palatial community on your own. Still, it is good to be free. Before I ask what happens next is up to you, I would ask for you to introduce yourselves. Who are you? What is your name? What perhaps was your name?

Tell us a little bit about yourself. And we'll start with Mace, because he looks like he's really red. I go last. I called it. Oh, hello. On this intrepid voyage, you are joined by Sausage. It's as far as I've gone with my character. Sausage? My name is Sausage. Okay.

And as a human, is sausage perhaps a descriptor, a name that might be very applicable? Or is it completely the opposite? They go with sausage.

Yes, it's very applicable. Seeing as how I've eaten so much sausage for breakfast. Mm-hmm. The last of the dried sausage is almost gone. You know that you only have two days, perhaps, of sausage remaining. You'll be starving unless you find more food. Sausage, uh, man of few words, perhaps. Wait, can we speak?

Okay, so I... Is it like a Valkyrie thing? In your languages, I made them these. Can we do the same thing? So in the languages section of their character sheets, viewers, watchers at home, it reads common, can understand but not speak, and they know the same hand code, that organically through necessity was generated by the humans of Ogerton.

And so they're going to be speaking in their voices, but you can imagine that it's actually the...

hand gestures, you'd still be able to get personality out of even hand gestures from code to code, from person to person. And so throughout, they're free to chat and talk to each other in RP, certainly. And I would ask that you only just sort of hold your hands up or do something like this rather than try to imitate ASL since none of us know it. That's how they will endeavor to communicate and that's just to answer your question. Mikey? I'm a bit of an older human.

I'm the butcher. And my name is Gaba Ghoul. Because that is one to three syllables, single word food item. So my name is Gaba Ghoul. Is there something in particular that has driven you from Ogerton? What is drawing you to the outside world, despite the potential risks? Well, I've got a wife at home. Oh. There you go. Ha ha ha!

Gamma Ghoul. Absolutely brutal.

Oh, that's incredible. What do you look like, Gabagool? Well, I probably still have my dirty smock. Uh-huh. Flash apron. Uh-huh. Even in the wild, you never know when you need an apron. Mm-hmm. What else? I'm older. I'm probably, you know, in my 50s or 60s, depending on the lifespan in Ogleton. Mm-hmm.

Typical human life. You know, I'm a little bald thing. I got maybe some darker hair. I got a very strong widow's peak, maybe. A little bit of dark hair up here and then some silver fox down the side, you know? Okay. Thank you. And Rich, who will you be inhabiting this evening? I am playing Pork.

Borg-godded gabagood. We are all brothers, actually. But I wanted to change my name, because that was my given name. Oh, I wrote it down in pen. My name is Borgos. And Borgos was Great Shepard in the homeland of Ogerton. And, uh...

His herds, they disintegrate in a grand explosion. There are a few left. There are a few left. You do remember the grand explosion with fear and terror. When his livestock was disintegrated. So Porcos seeks new herd to shepherd, and perhaps he shepherds his fellow, what do we call, vassals.

Yes. I also asked them, they get some weapon options, and they have a little bit of... I have a spear. Oh, you've chosen a spear for yourself. Oh, what's mine? That makes sense. You get to choose from one of the available options right here. You can choose one weapon, and you each have two sort of walking sticks, which also behave as javelins, should you use them.

On the club. And don't miss in the top right, you may boost one of your ability scores, should you want to. I do. To give you guys a little bit of variance and variety, because they're not just identical stat blocks that I copied from Dandy Beyond. I'm taking a handaxe that's actually a...

Just a giant meat cleaver. Mm-hmm. Those are the smart cows. That's true. I had to be crafty to put you in those bovines. That's unbelievable. I'm picturing like some spy versus spy shit, like Mad Magazine style. We adjust to add five to your max HP if you choose calm. Okay. Um...

For some reason I can picture you perfectly, Porcos, but why don't you tell us a little bit about what you look like before we get into the-- Very large man, very broad shoulders, but he definitely skips leg day, like, you know, tiny little legs. Totally shaved head, with a great big bushy mustache that he keeps kind of curled up. And he would just be wearing simple kind of shepherd's garb.

Thank you. Are we all brothers? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, pieces. The three brothers have decided to leave, married or not, and then venture into the world of Drakkar, which you've learned is the name for this realm of ice and harsh living conditions, certainly. And it's here as you are trekking on that you have been following through a great forest.

The forest that had surrounded you your whole life seems to extend on dozens and dozens of miles. Thin trees, very closely bunched together. All of them are heavy with snow.

There's a great amount of precipitation on the ground. You can hear as you take each step the crunch of the ice and snow and forest floor underneath your feet. You can look around and see every branch of pine or other trees that would be appropriate to the world of the Arctic are sagging down. Fur. Fur, yeah, yeah, yeah. Spruce. Fur, spruce, thank you. You can be out. See?

See, I told, I said it earlier. Kirby would swallow me and forget everything they've ever learned. That's true. Years of research gone and one of those things where you put your baby in. Oh my God.

Nose drink? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna nose drink. I'm gonna smell it. It does smell very pleasant in the forest. And it is midday. The sky is half-obscured with clouds, very tall wisps, very far up, seemingly unmoving. You can see the blue sky and the pale sun beating down, offering very limited amount of warmth, given your latitude. And...

You know that you have, between the three of you, three brothers, they're just called three brothers, that you are running out of rations in another day or two. You should be on the lookout for beasts or plants or something. You might have to eventually just stop and literally hunt.

should you suddenly find yourself out of food, otherwise you would have a hungry night, a hungry night for only a few nights before succumbing to the wilderness. What happens next is up to you. We're getting the stars. I'm out of interest. I don't know how else to say this. My dear brothers, my kid brother, you're just a kid, 42 years old.

Why did you not load sledge before we leave? I'm pulling a sledge and I turn behind us and there's like... There's like three fish.

I think, uh, no, I definitely loaded it. I think just when you hit a bump, we just lost all of it in an icy river. We were supposed to bring rations? I only brought all these spears! Why did you bring so many spears? I thought they were walking sticks! I thought we were gonna need them! If our mother may she rest in peace, can see us now.

She would be ashamed, Thorfinn! Just like she always was! You are all suddenly chilled to the bone with the mention of your mother, rest in peace, for she had not died of natural causes. She had instead reached a certain age where she could no longer benefit the house that you were all a member of and was consumed. Wait, can you say that again? What?

Your mother was... I was thinking some funny stuff to say! Yeah, well, I'm sorry to tell you that you have to remember the fact that, uh, you were a member of, uh, House of Ogres. And once you reached a certain age, they would, uh, kill you and eat you the way you kill and eat cows.

And that is what happened to your mother. Did we know this? Did we? Did we just get canon that wasn't real previous? I care if this don't know about this. Fuck those ogres. I got my plan without a plan. They got obliterated. A giant media. Not technically cannibalism, because they were ogres and you were... This is semantics. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, gosh. Poor mother. Eaten from head to toe. You remember the horror of seeing her on a platter, her face split down like one of those fish that gets opened up in half. You remember seeing all of those things having to serve the dish on that very special haunting night. Well...

I know we're just talking about rations, but I'm suddenly-- Does anyone else just can flashback the moth? Sausage is inconceivable-- or inconsoleable. I can see it there, split open like a fish. Like a butterfly fish. Like a coconut. I don't know why that's come to me just so clearly at this moment when you're talking, gabagool. Oh, sausage.

Why do you not claim your own names? We should pick new names for you. Because that was the name our mother made you choose. The pig thief called us. And you should not be disrespecting my pork. It is porkos! And it was the ogres that gave us these names. Well, that's what our mom said. You know...

I have the hearing after the great thief, the maw, and she would do the fish, whatever.

She died as she lived as a bitter old bra. I can't believe they made us watch that. Well, they couldn't rub an eight of family dinner. And they sat us down at the table and said, look, just watch it so you know this for all eternity. Oh, gosh. Like our father crackling before us.

May he rest in peace. May he rest in peace. Split from Bow to Stern. When he has no longer views. Unbelievable. Why they always cut them directly in half when it was time to eat is beyond me. Thank goodness. I was up next week.

Are we a second marriage situation? What? Are you older than us or are you... I figure I'm a bit older than you all. I figured you're my kid brother, 42, he's ever the youngest.

I would say that you know that Gabagool is the youngest brother. Whether or not you're the middle or the youngest is what you'll be. Yeah. I'm the oldest.

He's 55 and he's... How tall are you? The fan artists need to know. Oh, I'm about a good 5'5". 5'5". Or like maybe 5'6". 5'6"? 5'5" and a half. I put 5'8" on my, uh... My flint and tinder profile. That's pretty fucking funny. I'm the youngest. You're the youngest!

You need to drink your milk! Yeah, my kid brother, you're 42, you're a growing boy! You're a growing lad. I would drink milk, but we're all out of rations! We're dying in the snow! We're back in the fish and play of fish. I'm not kidding. I'm not slouching. Oh, just like for Len. Seven. Perception?

I'm getting plus two with them, 'cause I'm wide for my ears. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. So that, I get a four. Mm-hmm. May I have pen, please? Or pencil, thank you. Wait, hold on a second. Sorry, in my old age, I forgot what you looked like, 'cause you never described yourself. Oh, yes, well, you didn't get that far when I started, but...

"Ugh, Salmo said porpoise, sausage, salad, and lettuce." What have I done? This campaign's ruined. What do you look like, Salmo?

Great big guy. Yeah, with the family train. Yeah. It's a classic. Like, shaved sides and the head and a scraggly hair that spikes out in all directions like the top of a pineapple. Like a...

The mangoes have tops. If they don't, then something else that has a fanciful tropical top. Just pineapple, I think, is fine. I'm big. Well, I can't believe I can't decide who's bigger between the both of you. You know, I used to be as big as all of you.

Sausage-- I'd say sausage has extremely huge, like, legs. You skipped arm day, and so you guys make a hilarious contrast to one another. You know, I think the, uh... I can't believe that our mother named you Watercraft, and you only got your name if you met all the young ladies. As you're talking...

72 caribou weaving past you. But you don't see any of them. I can't believe we've been walking for two whole days. It's been 15 minutes. Who decided we should go south?

You see the winter coming? That's what the village elders said, that's what Mylon said. A good man that we all follow him even though he abandoned us for months. And then came back right as the kitten was good. I wouldn't trust him! I didn't vote for him! There's a word! No, that's what I'm saying, I didn't vote for him. I didn't vote for him, neither did I. Who voted for him? I think that there's a real serious problem telling

happening in Ogerton. That's what I'm saying. I don't think my island's gonna lead 'em all into an early grave. Out here, we got us, our own wild and skilled, like, real men. You know what I mean? Well, if the... Who needs those storage rooms filled with supplies and dirty ogres to help with all the chores? And my wife's back home. If we do not succumb to

Hunger, we will succumb to the cold, as Sophilith intended. And it is cold. It is snow and trees in all directions. It's chillier than zero, certainly. You wouldn't have Fahrenheit's in your minds, but you do know that this is the coldest perhaps you've ever been, even with your cold climate clothes, clothes designed for this new temperature that you've never experienced, really, in your whole life.

because of the unnatural warmth of Ogerton. Out in this space, and in the night, if you're not next to a fire, if you don't have the fuel for it, you know you could freeze to death. We should probably get some fuel. Let's burn those fillet fish, man. We could burn the sledge, too. It is fucking useless. You know what's funny is that my buddy T-Bone always said that thoughtfulness is actually a giant brain from out of space. And I would call them a conspiracy theorist.

Have we learned the truth about this? Didn't someone bring the truth or are we all still Catholic? I can't... There was a giant spaceship that crashed into the ground, so... I mean, that was pretty bad. I went to the spaceship. The story that Scrim told... Yeah, that Scrim told. You remember that the story of...

What you were told by those magic-wielding strangers who came in and in almost less than a week were able to completely transform all life as you know it. They had pulled back the veil of real horror that actually had been corrupting the city that you had known. And

that it had only been perhaps a little more than two decades that this had been reality for you and the ogres. That this had been a controlled experience, a controlled existence for you and the ogres alike. Something that was what made it possible for the community to bond and start to trust one another and not eat each other and regrow and rebuild and reshape and reform their culture.

But it took a nuke to make it happen. And yes, you were told of the nature of Sophilus through the one who was called Scrim's words. And that word of mouth had passed very quickly across the other humans like themselves. Yeah, then Mr. Bonefellow, he said it to the giant brain from out of space. I can't believe T-Bone was right. Why would we take a goblin's word for it?

We've worshipped Sulfalate our whole lives! You know, Ogus, you raised a valuable... You've raised a valid point. Mr. Bones was a fraud the whole time, wasn't he? He was a no-Oga! They claim to be, Ogus. Make an intelligence check, everyone. He was a gremlin! A little gremlin fella! A gremlin, he's called! A gremlin fella! Oh, gosh, is this a bad... Oh, this is my bad B20. Natural 1. Perception? Natural 1. Intelligence.

Eight. Eight? Eleven. Eleven? In the back of your mind, you suddenly put the two numbers together, because you've been talking about how old you all are for some reason.

Yeah, I mean, it's like... I was just thinking about a mother being split in half, it seemed like... And you remember, you remember, if the story were true, that you had a life before you were ever a part of Ogerton. You are more than 40, and those years in Ogerton were only 20, 22 years. There must have been a youth that you've lost. Do I remember anything about it? Or is it shlooped from me?

Make a wisdom saving throw. Damn. Just another book on the shelf in the library. I fail six. You've tried hard to think of that period before. You have what you think is a facsimile of a childhood that was given to you to create the experience and shared life. I feel like I've been Sean Bean from The Island. Exactly, exactly. You've been very The Islanded. An island hidden. And yet...

Every once in a while, you think you do get a sweeping glance of just a peak of perhaps you've been on the water at some point. Perhaps you've been in a warmer continent some far distance away. You've maybe been part of a group of explorers. It's just on the edge of your tongue, but it eludes you right now.

I'm just trying to think, like, from my perspective, all of this happened, and as far as I remember, my mind, like, there was this civilization, and as far as my brain understands, it's all I've ever known. And Sothlith was a god, right? Until this goblin shows up and tells me, hey, your god's fake! Yeah, him and four others. Four others who were

look nothing like anything that you'd ever known your entire life? You'd only ever known beasts, ogres, and humans. And what strange image Yorneir must have made. What does it look like to know rabbits as food and suddenly meet Queenie? What does it mean to suddenly meet these strange heroes who are fantastically powerful and seemingly...

in some ways disconnected from the world that you have known your whole life. Something seems off about everything that happened. I'll say. Mylon, that fucking bastard. I feel like it was an inside job. I think Mylon was all part of it. It was his chance to rise to the top. I never liked that bastard. Oh, he knew all those monsters that showed up.

and told us that our god was a giant space brain. That's right. That's right. He didn't know how to make it convenient. He goes, "Oh, suddenly I know all these strange fake ogre gods." "I think he's full of shit." Ah, the T-bone. I knew he was always wrong. Yeah, the T-bone was right. Perhaps the real reason why you guys have left is emerging, is you guys are realizing that you didn't give a shit about any of that, and that you're like, "I don't believe this Mylon guy. I'm leaving." Yeah, that's why we left. Three weeks ago. It was a false flag.

to destroy our entire home. That's it, Mylon. All due respect, that Mylon guy is a bitch. We must eat. We need to hunt. Okay. So, when are we gonna eat? I'll... If you catch something, I'll butcher it. That's all I got. I'll wave my big meat cleaver around. That's all I got. I will listen, for I am used to attending my flock.

Well, if something slow shows up, I'll just club it until it's dead. He will only have the great hunter. That's not very quick. A great hunter, Thorfinch. It's not very agile, but if it just moves real slow, maybe I'll just club it. With which club? Roll a perception check. 12. You listen. Oh, it's rough not having golf bars. You listen.

You hear... Or twists? The soft wind, the icy chill of it. You hear bows moving and perhaps the soft tussle of snow as it hits the ground. But you don't hear any animals or beasts. It's very quiet. And there's so much snow all around you, your movement, everything around you feels muted. Does that seem off to me? Like supernatural?

It feels alien to you, but not supernatural. It's unusual because you've never been in a forest like this. This is your first time in a forest where sound would be dampened. It is strange. Yeah. The sound. Can you hear anything? Let me listen. Yeah. I mean, I always could tell when a cow was nearby. It's a strangely intelligent panther. You both listen. Both of you make perception checks.

That's pretty good. That'll be a 19 for old Gopagool. 11. It's 11. What are their ears? What are your secrets? You do this and you turn and you listen and you don't hear anything but you do realize that you're looking in the direction of a caribou and that you're staring at a caribou. It's

but 200, 300 feet away from you right now and it's at a small brook where a frozen river is and seems to be attempting to get some hydration there at the bank. You just happened to have luckily looked upon it. It has nothing to do with your hearing. That is a big deal!

It races in three giant bounds. You can start racing, but in three...

Graceful hops. It disappears between the thicket of trees and evaporates into nothingness. You know when the sound of its hooves against the forest floor are gone that it must be much, much faster than your human legs will take you, especially Porkos's. That was the fastest land creature I've ever seen. I think they do more cardio. Oh!

You know, old Kimmy said I was out of shape, but gosh, I'm starting to think she was right. Is that your ex-wife? No, my current wife, Kim Chi. That's it. We're supposed to be taking it easy, Mikey.

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You're all running and attempting to follow this scaraboo as it disappears beyond the trees, but you continue to follow in that straight line. Arbitrarily, perhaps, but certainly maybe it'll slow down and you'll catch up to it again, your hearts all tell you. And it's just as you pass by the bend

It's just as you pass the bend of the, um, uh, a section of trees, uh, that you come to, uh, an opening. Ooh, thank you. And you see a body. You see the body of the caribou there, hunkered in the snow, having been filled by an arrow. And the arrow is sticking directly out from just behind its jaw, straight through the neck.

and you hear the crunching of feet as you watch someone that you've known from Overton also pass into view. Someone who calls herself Daisy now. Walk up to the body of this caribou, and instead of bending down and pulling the arrow out, she reaches and the arrow pulls itself free from the neck of the caribou, landing into her hand when she spots the three of you.

How did you do that? You three? Oh, you act so surprised. You're Mylan's brat, right? This is our caribou. We chased it right over to you, council. That's a thip. I think it's my caribou. I was the one who felled it. This is divine providence. Sophilus has granted us this meal today. Ex neon, the awfulest say.

You believe these stories that the outsiders tell? I know it's true. How do you know? Because I trust those who told us. You trust T-Bone. I trust, uh, Scrim. I trust Yorneir. T-Bone will thin the hoots pretty hard, along with all the mice. Which one are you referring to as T-Bone? You've always been this weird. The mystical dragon one is T-Bone. What are you doing away from town? What is going on?

I do not trust what is happening there. You don't trust what you saw with your own eyes? A ship? Strange creatures that destroyed the town? We're tired of living with ogres. Yeah.

They cut our mom clean in half and made us watch while they ate her. They ate her like a fucking filet-o-fish sandwich during Lent. Yeah. And we keep going back to that. I remember hearing that. They cracked her sternum like a wishbone. Yeah. And they made us watch really guttingly. I mean, out of character, that's a very soggy revelation. And crackling, too, our father. Oh, crackling our father. We wanted remains. We wanted remains.

I can understand that you would want to leave the ogres and leave Ogerton. That I can understand. Well, at least we can agree on that. We also think your father is a prick, who also probably orchestrated the whole thing. Mylon, the little bit of a jackass, I'll do respect. I love my father, but I do understand he can be a bit of a prick sometimes. Well... Where are they? You traveled with them. You're all right. Did you not? Yes.

I was with them until two or three days ago. And it was from here, this in this forest that they shifted somehow, transformed. And I was just about to move on, actually. We were camping at night and their bodies started to morph and change and they were pulled away. I thought perhaps they'd be returned or that they would find their way back here, but I am determined to find them and I'm determined to find where we were headed.

They were illusions. No, they- They were all tricks by the brain from outer space! No! They're the reason why you won't be killed and eaten like your mother! Likely story, kid. You know, you haven't been around as long as the rest of us. You're a baby. I remember how you guys were in town. Yeah, the best dang butcher that Ogre-Tinnin' ever seen. I was so glad that we were not in the same house.

Well, you know, we served our house very well. Yes, we did. What was our house again? We were the house of... of... Hold on a second. Do we need a side of the group? Can we roll for it? Yeah, why don't you roll a d5? A d10? This is a d6. So we rolled one of the numbers. I will roll.

Hold on. No, no, but the five on a D10 is a one and a two, three and a four, and it's a three, technically. Right? I don't know. Yes. Okay. Whichever's cooler between three or five, whatever's most fitting narratively for pork, sausage, porko's, sausage, and gabagool. You were from... Excellent, and kimchi. House Fangaro.

The military guy that you remember being a kid with. Yes, that's why, Fangaro. That's right. I stay no attention and snap my spear on the ground. Yes. I used to make my famous huevos Fangaro. With those real smart chickens. It was a, do you know?

You can't understand how difficult it was keeping those chickens in line with a regular chicken run every single night. You couldn't keep the chickens in line? They were very intelligent. Yes, they were. What the heck? The pigs were dead. It was hard. It was hard work. When I butchered those chickens and made a nice pot pie. Mm-hmm. The sheep, they were my friends. They all had their own personalities. And they were all vaporized. They were? Oh.

No wonder you've been so melancholy and you had to go on this pilgrimage south.

And I just decided to tag along with you to avoid my wife, Kim Chee-- really a very nice story now. Where is your wife? Sausage, why are you-- I left her back and whatever, you know, she's-- There was nothing home for me. Yeah, there's nothing home for any of us. I just followed you as the eldest. It was only until five minutes ago you revealed we did this 'cause you were escaping your wife. Do you remember my kid brother, uh, Sausage?

Sausages! Room temperature like you. With room temperature like you. He tags along. And in Jakarta, room temperature is zero. Very far on standard deviation. My camp isn't far from here. We can share this meat. We can...

Enjoy a campfire. I've got one set up. But I'm going to the mountains, for that is the direction that the friends who saved our town went. And... I don't trust it. You may not trust it. And you can go wherever you please, but that is where I'm headed in the morning. We were compelled to come south for some reason. You remember in my intro that Mylon asked as a favor. Oh, fuck that guy!

No, we're writing our own backstory. Sorry, Dungeon Man. I prefer your version. No, we went south because you were feeling so melancholy. Don't you remember this? I remember this one, yes. Floor calls? Yeah, we were melancholy about your sheep. You said, I need to go find myself. And I said, God, it's a great excuse to get away from the old ball and chain. For what is a shepherd without his flock? I need to find my purpose again.

Maybe there's some... some less intelligent sheep that won't get vaporized. Anyway, they got the little butcher, the deer that we killed. Let's drag it to camp and then we can do that. I look at sausage. Okay. Well, what are you carrying? You can move things with your mind.

Or some other way, I don't know that that's true. Well, you can carry it with your muscles. Could you try to do it? Well, I could. We just walked all the way over here. I'm just very tired. I can't carry terribly heavy things like that. I haven't bugled for this scenario, at least you figured this out. I can only carry things that are like an arrow. At least try. I'll lift it, I'll lift it. We'll loosen it up for you by the way.

I'll supervise. You're doing pretty good there, father. Do you have any chips? Get that caribou. And that is why you fail. Good food, good food. If you don't know what Star Wars is, go watch Star Wars. What are you doing watching this?

Did you move another elbow? No, no, just one paw comes up. Paw? Yeah, a caribou paw. The Drakkar caribou all have cat feet. And it lifts up and then it comes back down. I can't lift the whole thing. It's already on my back. I've picked it up. Oh, I guess I didn't do that either. Thank you. Well, I guess we can break bread together even though you are Mylon the Rat.

It's a kid. You're a good kid. And I'll, like, give her a little, okay, let's go. And I'll start walking in that direction. I think the camp is in. You go literally the opposite direction. I follow immediately. It takes you 20 steps to turn around and eventually follow. And the three of you follow Daisy's path. Oh, I know. For a...

20, 25 minute walk. Uh, not, not terribly far, but, uh, you find that, uh, a fallen tree has been made her home. She is, uh, obviously, um, broken off many of the branches and made something of a back wall out of the fur, out of the pine, uh, made something of a bed even, uh,

And in the center you can see that there is no snow, not just because of the heat of what would have been a fire the previous night, but also because Daisy has taken the time to clear away a circle. And it's very easy for you to pull over a few more logs and sit down, start the fire again, and very quickly you are cleaning a caribou, getting all of the meat put together so that you can have a meal this evening.

What a fucking dumbass. How you doing? All right, kid. I'm just busting balls. I'm just busting balls for you. Of all the three that had to... Couldn't have been anyone else from Elgerton aside from you three? This is... Nah, they're all sheeple. They're all staying behind. They're not trendsetters like these...

We three bachelors on our own. Yeah, 98% of them were vaporized by the spaceship. I left first. I left first. That's also really true. So Alcatra, tell us the word of your adventure since you left. Daisy. Daisy is your new name. Yes. All right, Daisy. You must convince them to claim new names.

You should. Picking a name for yourself is, uh... It fills you with... It affirms your freedom. It makes it real in a way that's hard to describe. Well, what I'm saying is Porkloin and Cracklin named me Gabagool. It would be a disrespect to their memory. Maybe they rest in peace like filleted fish that they is. Didn't Lucius Fangaro name you?

Yes. This is true. It was not our parents that named us. Well, I mean, what do you want me to call myself? Hey, I'm 55 years old. Am I supposed to be creative here? What? If my friends were here, they'd have a name for you. Well, give me some options here. Hey, Porkos, you're so creative. Very creative name from pork. My little baby brother, Pork. What about Gapagos?

Nah. It has a nice ring to it. Nah, that's too similar. Nah, it's gotta be something. I'm sure you'll think of something. But pursue it. Gobble goo. It rolls off the tongue, you know what I mean? Well, good job helping us kill this weird deer here, kid. My pleasure. Should I start butchering it?

You butcher the meat you're already eating. We're moving quickly through time now as you enjoy a meal together. Speaking of the adventures that Daisy has had, not just what's happened the last few weeks, for it was mostly travel, but the things that she's learned from them. She shares a little bit about what happened to her. You'd heard it from others, speaking of.

of when Alcatra had disappeared and then returned and then with these strangers. But hearing it from her is a very different story. You can hear the passion and authenticity in her voice, what she believes about her friends and about what heroes they are. And you can feel the determination in her to continue to find them going into the mountains.

I'll give it to you kid, that was a good story. Thank you. Very dramatic, that's all I'm gonna say. Maybe, uh... I'm just poking around with my food as I talk. Mm-hmm. Maybe, uh, maybe these, uh, these strange monster folk, maybe they ain't so bad. That's all I'm gonna say. That's all I'm gonna say.

What do you think, Sausage? Pork-ounce? His name is Sausos now, right? Why are you trying to name everybody? Let Sausage pick his own name. He's already Watercress and now he's Sausage. What are you waiting for? What do you mean? I'm not anymore a miniver.

Cabagool couldn't come up with another name, but you think I can? You had to look down and remember your own dear brother's name? No! I just looked at my plate. I was eating food. I was working for the next Smack Girl. I remember you were just a little boy when I took you to your first penny dice game.

Yes, I remember it well. Penny dice. Penny dice. There we were. What do you remember? What the pen is. From our childhood. I figure some sort of replicant thing. We got some false memory, that sort of thing. No, I know, but does it line up? Oh. Well, perhaps there's a similar story that they didn't get quite right.

I like macaws. He really misses those sheep. I do, I do miss my sheep. Well, all I know. Especially sheepos.

He was my favorite sheep. The sun sets, and after sharing some more stories, using only the hand code available to them, for no one can speak, to be extremely explicit for chat, you eventually make beds for yourselves, and you...

Sleep. You get to rest. You enjoy the benefits of a long rest. That doesn't mean anything mechanically for yourself, but that's true in the 5th edition parlance. I'm spitting. That was a good meal, kid. Good night, everybody. Good night. In the morning, you wake up to the sound of packing.

It seems that Daisy has woken especially early, and she's already rolling up her bedroll, putting her mess kit into a side pouch, pulling and twisting and tightening the backpack that she has on her, making sure that her bow is well strung. She seems to be readying to leave this site that she had made for herself, to leave this home and continue on her way. Which direction do you go?

See the tree line there at the mountains? Yes. I'm going to go past that and into the mountains. For when I watched my friends stretch to almost thin as string, they flew in that direction, pulled almost like the arch of an arrow over and beyond that horizon. And I suspect I may find them in that direction. Well, we will follow you.

We will? Yes! We're a chaser group of scary monsters that got pulled into space by a threat? Hey, hey, hey, hey, all the respect, Hawkeye. Remember, I'm the bossy. I'm the only. We will follow. Okay, we'll follow. That's exactly right. Try and keep up. Yes. A new member of our flock. Why are we all sheep-seeing?

Because I'm on a pilgrimage to find my new friend, my old one, the disintegrator! We never really got cheap-themed for our band of brothers. How many times have I told you about the disintegrations? I thought we were kind of like pig-themed. Yeah, I was just about to say, aren't we the three little pigs? I mean, I feel like that's what we're going for. We're all getting horribly murdered by a pig.

by a big bad wolf in the teeth of a cat. Oh no! Or the red riding hood. There's a big bad wolf right behind that line of trees. Just because we are pig themed does not mean we cannot choose a new theme. And sheep is the new theme. You have my rusty meat cleaver. You have my hefty mace. And you have my, what do they call those things?

The crook. Crook? Oh. I thought you said "wagging stick." I have one of those. You know, with like the hook on the end? Yeah. Yeah, the boat peep. Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty familiar with that. It's my crook! I'm going to check. She's already like 50 feet away from you, like, wagging. Oh, we gotta go! Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on!

And you spend the morning walking. It's brisk, and you're very grateful that the GM forgot to make you make a constitution saving throw until right now! You have to make a quick constitution saving throw, which you should have made before sleep. Should we do two? Let's do two! No, no, no, just one now. Just the one now. Wait, did you just add normal content? And Stacy needs to make one, too. Yep, just con... DC... I'm not going to give you the DC. You give me the number. I thought it was based on...

What is your constitution saving throw? Minus 10. Minus 10? Oh, sorry. I need to blow by does. So you get negative 10, you get eight. Huh? Oh, eight, yeah. And Kim Chi's husband, what did you get?

Oh, I got a, uh, my name is Gaba-Goo. I got a 6. You got a 6? Uh, you are not used to the wild. The fuck? All three of you.

And you go into the adventuring day frigid. What the fuck is this? You are all exhausted from the... Even with the fire, even with a full belly, the night air was particularly cold. And though it seems to be slightly warmer in the morning now that the sun is hitting you, it's been hard to get your center core to warm up.

Hopefully a walk might change that, but you're doubtful. And you walk an hour, two hours, three hours. The trees begin to thin. You go up the verticality of the side of this mountain, and what becomes a pretty steady walk starts to require twisting and turning as you reach one rock face and have to go up and around, and Daisy doesn't seem to

have been here before, but she had such purpose in her direction, in her mission to go and see if she can find her friends that she is, she seems to know where to go.

Are you sure this kid knows where she's going? I thought you trusted her! Well, I do! I mean, she whacks the good yarn, she tells a good story. I believe her, she agreed with me that Mylon was sort of a prick. She's got a good hand on her shoulders, all I'm gonna say. All I'm gonna say. It's just so cold out here, I don't know if I made it more than even just one more step. Yeah, I believe it was fate that we were to meet Daisy.

She's part of our flock and she is strong like Ram! Hey, you think this is what Mylon wanted us to meet up with when he said go south? 'Cause there's something south that I want you to meet up with? How did he know? Perhaps it is! It is his own daughter! Well, regardless, we're not doing it 'cause fuckin' Mylon told us to. It's all a new thing. No, we are doing it because of... 'Cause we want to. 'Cause it's my flock. 'Cause not Mylon. He's lost. You'll find a new flock.

We'll find the flock of birds. I don't think so. All the trees here going loose. It's fucking- Oh, this is an apocalypse! Oh, we're gonna fucking free the dead! I've never heard of Gabigool. There's a flock ahead of us. It's what I do. It's what I do. Hey, kid. Hey, kid, how much further is it?

I just want to get up over this ridge. It is colder up on the ridge. Daisy's attention, and she points, and you can see that there are two sort of mountains that are coming together like this, and she's trying to lead you through the pass, the passage of these mountains, and on one side,

Perhaps it's your unfamiliarity with the natural world beyond the outskirts of the town, but it seems to strike you as very strange. On one side of the mountain, there are these curves, these lines that seem to bend down and curve down and have created these like, disks of icy snow that just seem to be laying almost like coins on the side of the mountain.

Daisy continues to progress upwards. She's another 60, 70 feet ahead of you. Still, all this time, she seems to have acclimated to the cold. And so while you are all exhausted and moving perhaps a little slower than you normally would, she is...

one foot in front of the other. Do not leave us! Continuing to make her way. This is not her first rodeo in the wild. If the stories you've heard are true, certainly, she had that brief period of time before she returned with those strangers. How's she doing? Started getting the cold. I'm like 400 pounds heavier than she is. She's like a little twig. It's all that strange witchcraft that she's done. She has mind powers. Oh, man.

How do we get mind powers too? I'm freezing to death out of here. That'd be pretty cool to have mind powers. Perhaps. Why the heck was Ogleton so warm compared to this? We're not that far. You've traveled for...

Two, three weeks already on your own. This isn't-- you aren't three days from Oakerton. You're a hike. We haven't traveled that far! It's only been three weeks of travel! We only made it 50 feet a day! And winter is coming, and this is surely the wrong direction to be going. Perhaps we march into our certain doom. Daisy?

You look up and you are shocked at what you see. The sound of it is horrifying. There is a wave. What you think of when you think of water, a splash of water in a pot of soup or something along those lines, but a curl of what looks like

racing animals, not animals, snow, just snow pouring down from the side of the mountain and Daisy, between these two mountains, looks up, perhaps too late. It's from your vantage point that it's easy to see that a large tumult of snow and who knows what else is coming crashing down and before you're able to even get within a distance to not shout,

But to try and get her attention, she looks up and disappears beneath a white blanket. Oh no, kid! Are we? You are far enough away that you are not consumed by this miniature avalanche as it lands, filling the path where she was. You do not see any movement. What the fuck was that? It was fate. Still coming at us?

Or did it settle? No, no, no, it landed and settled. It was like an ice shelf just moving. And you realize that that was the indication of those disks of snow, is that on a steep sledge of ice like that, a small...

roll of ice would eventually come to rest like that. It's a real sign of an avalanche if you read up on that sort of thing like I do. We need to go! We need to dig her out! Get your speed! We'll go! Exhausted and as cold as you are, you start to push forward and you start to, uh, start to dig. Perhaps it's fate. We'll try to get a sense of where I think she was. Okay.

And I will try to just like, I'll probably just like drop to my knees and start like, What role would you like to make to see how well you do endeavoring to pinpoint? I feel like a survival check would be. Just a straight survival check. Is that int based? That is wiz based. Wiz based. I'm trying to think if it's like a deduction of where she is or, you know what, survival's fine. Go ahead and survive. Okay. Chat, help me out here.

Oh my god. And your whiz? 21. Whoa! Looking to your older brother, and him being a little bit farther up, he seems to be pretty dead set on where aligned, even in the snow, this, this, uh, uh, you know, He's over here! He's gesturing and pointing and starting to dodge. I'll take your shield and use it as a shovel. You have a shield with you, um, and, uh,

Uh, exactly right, you can use it like a shovel. Um, what are you both doing to endeavor to pull Daisy out from underneath this as time is beginning to draw? Is it like ice on top or is it like snow? It is fluffy skiing snow. Like it is wet but it is-- Fresh pow. Yeah. Fresh pow. Yeah.

Use your mind beam, use your powers to kind of like puff the snow if you can hear us. Oh, I will help! Old Mom's friend pin. Old Mom's friend pin. If you're just digging sausage, then make a acrobatics or athletics check to see how well you do in attempting to find Daisy in the direction that

I'm using my shield, I'm not using my sword. Go ahead. Make it an advantage because your brother's helping. I have like thick, sausage-y fingers, and I'm just going in and trying to dig. 21!

21, you are pulling away at the snow and you are doing the same. A bit of the, these are coming off as like big blocks at this point. Like every time you push in, it's like a giant snowball almost or like a cube and you're throwing them back behind you. It is exhausting work. It is taking everything out of you and you're already so tired, so cold. You feel wet and clammy but you know that underneath this amount of snow,

three feet, four feet, five feet in, you wouldn't be able to breathe. You begin to panic. Whatever this friend, this companion, certainly, for the night, whatever's happening to Daisy, you start to realize that this could get very serious very quickly. But with a higher than 20...

You realize that you see the canvas of a backpack and you pull it free and it comes free with no Daisy attached to it. I need you to roll a second time. An advantage because I'm helping? Exactly right.

Another athletics check? 18. 18. You continue to dig, but this time you have a sense the backpack was there. You must be getting close, and you're pushing down, but you are also being wary not to... There's a tug of war in your mind. You're being wary not to just dig in, because you could hit Daisy. So you are going sort of around and eventually... A hand. And you see it...

twitching, moving a little bit, just trying to reach out. You're able to grab it. - Go get a fire started! - You need to make a strength check to see if you can free her from this heavy wet snow. - Oh, I grab him. - Oh, my fucking hands!

If it's an advantage. I am healthy. Yes. It's a 19. With a 19, you start to pull and your brother Porcos pulls in and starts to sweep the snow up and off, clearing her body and you're able to pull her out and free. Looking at her face, looking at her matted wet hair, looking at her body, her eyes are closed. She seems to be out but breathing. Dream of fire!

Hold on one second, one second! Oh, I still have some shards of a sledge! And I'm gonna try to make a fire as quickly as possible. Make a nature or survival check. I'll just wrap her up in like a big... Do we have twists or not? Are we letting her ride? Do twists apply to this? I would say you could twist it. We've gotten some discussion. I wanna do one twist. We've gotten twists tonight. I wanna do one twist. I'm gonna manage the twists over here. Thank you, chat. I'm gonna write ten twists. Sixteen, to get the fire started. Sixteen.

We got more than ten. We got like fifteen. So sixteen to try to make a fire. As I'm pulling out the pieces of the uh... You still have the disassembled fledge. And you are able to actually surprisingly quickly, perhaps because you were in the kitchen and you occasionally had to start that fire, you are able to get a light much faster than you would under most circumstances. Thankfully.

getting it going and pretty soon you have a pretty warm spot. Having dragged Daisy 20, 30 feet away from this tumult of snow, you are hugging her, trying to keep her body warm, working the arms, just making sure that your body heat is doing what work it can given how chilled and cold and exhausted you already feel. What are you all doing? Hey, get into the fire, I got something to do.

I'll take all of my warm blankets and cloaks off and I'll try to put it over her, try to warm her up. You put it next to the fire, you start to warm her, and she seems to be out, almost like someone who'd gotten clubbed in the back of the head. But you do get the sense that she's alive and she's certainly breathing. Yeah.

Okay, not too close, not too close. Burn her hair off. Come on! Come on, you mook! I know, she's covered in ice and water and I thought she was dead maybe, but now I think she's sleeping. She's fine. She's okay. She's okay. This is very scary. Make a medicine check for me. You gotta crush it! Let it go, let it breathe a little bit! Come on, come on! What would medicine lose though? 13. 13.

You get a sense that she's starting to come to, and after a few moments of more work-- I slap her face, "Hey, wake up!" You start to gently tap, and her eyes moving under her eyelids-- Stop, stop! You see her push you off after a moment, and she obviously has a splitting headache, but you see gratefulness, a gratitude on her face as she looks around, blinking, and

I can't believe what was that. Just the ice? It was an avalanche. Perhaps this is why Myelin sent us. Does he have the gift of Second Sight? Your father? Did he know this would happen? I don't think so, but I am having talents emerge. And we three, the Brother's Pig, we are not finding a new flock. You are. Maybe in time you will...

also have abilities. I think any of us might have the potential. We were all being under the influence of a crazy space brain. Ah, no, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. It's too late for me. My kid brother Sausage here, though. He's just a kid. 42.

Yeah, you're all old as fuck. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I just said I can say that, kid! Look at that! But you're just busting balls! You're busting balls! Good kid, good kid! Oh, I tapped her on the cheek! Hey, good! These old folks put your scrawny ass out of the snow, okay? Is the snow supposed to still be moving like that?

I am jealous of his luscious head of hair. And it's just like a little tough, tough, tough. He's got a luscious mane, that's for sure. He's got a luscious mane. He's the baby boy.

The baby brother here. You're a tough fucking kid that you survived that. That would have killed your old man instantly. She's pointing. What are you pointing at? And she's pointing at the mound of snow. And at first you're not sure what she could be pointing at, just the mound, when at the very top you see sort of a sinking.

It sort of shrinks down like this, almost as if something is digging underneath it. And it's snaking and then disappears behind one of the tufts of snow. What is that? Perhaps it is sheep. The sheep that we set out to look for. There's no sheep that swim around in the snow, Porker. Have you seen any sheep? Is that always sheep, Porker? But it's right to be sheep. We do not know. She...

painfully gets out from underneath the blankets, dusts herself off, and immediately looks. My weapons, I don't have them underneath the snow. They must have gotten lost. Were you able to pull my bow, my axe? Oh, we found this backpack. I want to try to find her bow. You race over to the snow to see if you can find it. Make an investigation check. Oh, God, what die do I use? Come on. Fuck. Fuck.

Eleven. Eleven. You go over, and there's this crevasse, this sort of space that's been dug away where you'd pulled Daisy. Surely the item must be there on the floor of this mountain, and you start to dig away at it, and you find the tip of the bow, and it's

covered in water, a pool of water. Not ice, but it's almost like blood leeching out from a dead body. Instead, there's water almost pooling and flowing down like a thin stream, and it surprises you, and suddenly you feel this strange heat. I need everyone to roll for initiative. Oh!

Turn the music on now! And not- don't wait until we're done, you know? Crank it now. Yeah. Turn the music on now? The battle music, yeah. Now we can be hyped while we roll for initiative here. Oh. Okay. Okay. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. I'm gonna roll in the high music, but I'm gonna remember what I already rolled, what I already rolled for. Come here, first. Oh. Hey, kid, have some- regain your strength with some cured meat product. There you go, kid. It's the last we got. Sorry it's not much. Oh.

I forgot to turn this back on. I drop my roasted deer. Hold on. You're going to be Sausage. That's your token. That's your character now. You're going to be Cabagool. Okay. And I'm not going to get shoes, I'm sorry, but that's just the... That's fine. Who is Porkos? And Porkos is red. Yes. A mighty color. And Stacy is going to be...

Give me your thing, yes. Great. Yes. You are very similar in color. That is fine. Hopefully the folks at home can tell the difference. Daisy will be DB over here. Like this.

It's a Llamacorn! It's Dinky. It's Perfect Jackson. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

So we don't know what monster this is. In case you needed the visual. Oh! The hippo! Or the-- what's his name? The big bad hippo. Yeah, yeah. He looks like King Hippo from Punch-Out. Yeah. It got a luscious-- thought it got a luscious headache, let me tell you. Oh, no! I knew this would happen! There we go. Ah, for real. It's just one of those days. How do I-- Alright, 2230.

What's the- is this dex? Yeah. Oh. It's plus two. Oh, come on, are you fucking kidding me? Fifteen to... I rolled a natural twenty-four. Seventeen. Sixteen. Fifteen. Oh! Ah! Yes! I mean, the other one, the one with the kid and the- Did I get this right? I wasn't listening. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Um...

We'll start with your surprise, as you are pulling the bow out, and you have a grip on it, and all of a sudden there's this burst of snow, and you're hit wet in the face with not just

the snow, which melts seemingly instantly, but also the water that is seemingly melting this great pile of snow. And from inside you see orange and blue, an almost impossible skin, a carapace of strange...

marble-like skin that is deep purplish blue. You see an impossible alien face with these huge eyes, these thin antennae that ratchet up. It lifts up and you realize that it is skittering with many legs, almost like a centipede, as it has hundreds of legs that jut out from both sides of a long snake-like abdomen.

thin layer of razors on the back of it that glow red hot, and you realize this thing is heated. It is not just insect-like in its appearance. It is massive, and it is creating a glow almost like sitting right next to a campfire, and it is directly in front of you. I would have printed out a token, so I'm going to use one of the models that we have here to represent it. Please do. Use the snail.

GIANT DIRTY CLUB! Oh my god! Okay, that's bigger than I was expecting. What the heck is here in there? Oh no. It's not that big. What you're looking at is a young version of one of these creatures, which, those of you who know Dungeons & Dragons and have been paying attention, is a Remorhaz. We're a Remorhaz. We do? Yeah. We're a Remorhaz, yeah. Hold on, hold on, hold tight, hold tight.

We actually have a young one? Yeah. Oh. Well, that's the mom. It's watching and training it, let's say. It's out in the back. And you see, Porcos, this creature rise up with its many legs chittering and chattering, and it starts to swing down. Would I have time to, like, put my shield on my arm? Yes. Okay, so I'm going to throw my shield on as I see it, thinking that I wouldn't have time to get away from this massive thing.

And hold it up. Uh, it is going to get a 18 to hit. That hits, regardless, yes. Okay, you're going to take... Fuck. You're gonna take, um...

13 points of piercing damage. Oh no! And you're gonna take four points of fire damage as you realize that inside the maw of this creature, whatever is inside of it, is raging, boiling, broiling hot. It is like putting your hand over a steaming tea kettle as the steam from its mouth

singes you, you forget how cold you've been all day as you are burned in addition to the fight that cuts into you and you all watch as he tries to get his shield up in time and it just brutally smashes into him and takes a chunk out of Porcos' arm. - Porcos, no! - Mikey, you're up.

Oh, it's my-- oh gosh! You stay away from my kid brother! As I'm going to run forward with my meat cleaver and say, "Come on kid, use your mind powers!" And I'm just gonna run up here and say, "I killed giant house Santa Pete scarier than you!" And I'm gonna swing my, uh, my cleaver at him. Natural one. I'm twisting-- I'm using two twists. I don't give a fuck. Wow. Thank you, Chad. Thank you, Chad. We need it. I don't think either will hit.

- But, 15. - 15 hits. - Oh! - You slice down and in and you are able to make contact with the carapace of this creature and you're, it's like cutting through a chicken's neck. You cut in and it's hard to get through that bone but as soon as you hear the crunch you cleave into it. How much damage do you do? - Six points of slashing damage. - Six points of slashing damage and as soon as you do, you realize the same thing that Porcos realizes. As steam emerges from the wound and you take--

Five points of fire damage as the heated body of the young Ramirez burns into you. That's it, it's my turn. Rich. I'll stand up and I'll say, I'll look back at Daisy. Yes, this was our fate. And I'm going to stab him with my spear and with a 16 hit. 16 hits?

And it does not do much damage. It does not. Three, four...

Five points of damage. Five points of damage. It sails through the air. No, you're doing a... Spear. Spear attack. You stick in with the spear, and because you're within five feet, you also take six points of fire damage as steam emerges from the wound, blasting you, terribly burning your body as you cut into the creature, but you do damage it. Do I attempt to step away from this thing?

And grant it an opportunity, Doc. You gotta risk it for the biscuit, Porkos. Your big brother will protect you, Porkos! Get out of here! I must retreat! Get out of here! I am badly wounded! You're wounded! I'm badly wounded! Yeah, you're wounded! I got this, Porkos! And I'm going to, like, back up away from it as far as I can. And it latches out. You hear the snapping of its jaws as it gets a...

15 to hit. That misses! You just hear it clap right behind your neck, you duck and start to... And I'm suddenly, keep an eye on it as I back off and clamber over Daisy.

I like that you started at Dobro and you've ended up somewhere in like Rocky. You run over with your club. Yes, I realize now I picked the lowest damage weapon on the sheet, but...

And then I rolled a three, so... Twist it, twist it, twist it. Double twist, double twist. Thank you, chat. Thank you, chat. We're using them. We're using them. Pink Bros! Oh! Quadruple hit twist? No, I can't. You gotta call it. Uh, 14, right? 13? 13? 13 to hit? Yeah. It's not hit. It's AC is 14 for this round moving forward. Oh, Kip is so close. Oh, Kip, no.

In some ways, you were lucky. For had you clubbed into it, you might be experiencing its heated body. He's got me. He's in my head. He knows what I'm doing. You hit, is what I will say, but the club is not like a cleaver. It does not cut into. You realize you're going to have to, like, bruise your way through or break a bone with this thing in order to get there, and you rail back for another attack, but that's the end of your turn. Daisy is up. She...

sees what's happening, and she pulls forward with her mind, and you feel from your clutches the bow disappear from your hand. She pulls with her mind power, she pulls the bow there, and from her pack, knocks an arrow, takes aim, and releases. She gets a natural 16, it sails forward and slams into its head, dealing.

Trust your instincts, Daisy. Use... use the Mind Beans. Imagine her blindfolded with her hands behind her back. Have I ever told you?

Doing a good amount of damage. Have I ever told you about Kim Chi? She was a good friend. She was a good friend. She will sort of back up that to be next to Thoros here. Like there? Thoros, yeah, yeah. Of course I knew it. She wants to be 30 feet away. One, two, three, four, five, that's exactly 30 away. Okay, okay.

She stays there and she begins to pull another arrow out of her back pack and that is the conclusion of her turn. That's right, take it out kid, take it out! Gavagool, you see your brother is safe but unfortunately,

It's going to miss. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It bites down and unbelievably your reflexes, you're able to dodge down at the last second. And it does not forget about it. You realize it's going to be going in for another attack. But it is your turn. You fucking ugly. Is it my turn? Yep. We're doing two twists again. Sorry.

We will run out unless we've gotten more. Oh! Oh! No, we did, we got two. Three. 15 hits? We got three. That I didn't get. 15. Okay, I'm gonna do... Thank you. Nice, okay, okay.

Seven points of slashing damage. I'm hacking into this thing. You are hacking into this thing, and you see a leg, well, one of the legs come off right at the shoulder joint, and it falls down to the ground like a leg from an Alaskan snow crab, and it is still flexing and twisting and gripping there in the snow, making an insane half angel, but none of you are noticing this in the intensity and adrenaline of the fight. Porcos, you're up.

Oh my god, already? Yeah. Three person party. Yeah, really, that's true. I'm going to kind of lean down into the snow. There's like a snowbank that I can get behind as I'm realizing just how wounded I am. I'm burned and I'm bloody and I'm on the verge of falling unconscious. I actually have fewer hit points than this. I have that many. And I'm going to...

reach into my bundle of things and pull out one of the war spears from the military house javelin, so to speak. And I'm going to lean up over the snowbank and just chuck it at it. It sails forward and you do your best to avoid your brother while hitting this massive creature. I'll go natural one. Yeah, I'm trying to, you know, weave the gap there. That hits, that hits, yep. 16? Yeah, that hits. Yeah, range is 30, I'm within 30.

1d6 in melee or 1d, oh my god, damn, five. Seven points of piercing damage. Seven points of piercing damage. It sticks into a shoulder very close to the wound you just watched Gabagool make, and the strange insect-like screech that emerges from the mouth of this thing is

alien to your ears and you can see as it lets out that roar, the rippling illusion of the heated breath that emerges out of its mouth shimmering the mountains behind it. Is that all you do? That's it. Sausage. Everybody's doing equally great. You keep it up, guys. Get him. Oh! Double twisting that. That was a natural one. Two twists, two twists.

Finally! 22. 22 hits, yeah, that hits. Four points of bludgeoning damage. Very nice. You smash into it, and finally you hear that satisfying crunch sound, and you know that you've done some damage. However, the crunch, it crackles like the top of a creme brulee, and then releases this dis...

Noxious heated gas as you are sprayed with steam from the strange heated body of this creature and you take seven points of fire damage as it blasts into you. Very sausage-esque. Daisy notches another arrow and goes in with a natural 19. You see another arrow sail into the neck of this thing and does again significant damage.

Does anything about her arrows look like supernatural? Or like guided? Like purple arrows? Like proton torpedo style, like use the force biz. Oh, like pit? Like being guided. Yeah, like just slightly moved. Yeah, I think absolutely. When she loses it, it may be sailing. She's gonna whistle. Whistle.

When it's sailing forward, you see the creature start to duck down, maybe for an attack or something like that, and you get this little sense that there's almost like a nudge, and then it continues to sail forward. Just continue that momentum. Nice shot, kid! Don't get cocky! You yell out, as suddenly, with a natural 16, This is bad. Two giant mandibles clamp down on you.

On one of these, on each of us? On, uh, no, it only has one attack. It's going after you, Captain. It's disadvantaged if it doesn't hit me. That's not true. Damn it! You're not a barbarian. Get out of here. God, I'm ribbing like a book. You take 15 points of piercing damage.

and three points of fire damage as it bites down into you. I am unconscious or dead, depending on how you roll that. We'll do that same thing for us. Oh, no! Yeah, don't get cut! You watch as your brother, Gabagool, is chomped at the neck

a significant piece of him being released, and you can see that fire broiling the other side, like, again, a creme brulee, and he falls down to the ground, unable to communicate any further. I never had the makings of a 5'3 athlete.

That will be the conclusion of its turn and now it's your turn and since this is Icebound rules you'll be making a death saving throw so close your eyes. Oh no. You ready? Yep. Don't accidentally do it like I do. You may reveal your eyes. We're back. No spoilers, chat. No spoilers in chat. I'm not gonna look anyway. Is this the big bad wolf?

It's kind of huffing and puffing. It is huffing and puffing. And it's blowing us down. I do not sign. Uh, Porko, you're up. If I get... Would it take an action for me to grab my brother's, like, scruff and drag him away? I would say probably, yes. I would think so. Oh, I'm not close. Why did I back up? I guess either way it wouldn't have worked. I'm looking at my own wounds being on the verge of unconsciousness. I see what happened to, uh...

Agaba goes, "No! Hang in there, my brother!" And I'll chuck another javelin as I walk up and-- You pull your second and last javelin down, and you release it from your hand, hoping that perhaps you'll hit some vital spot, perhaps this thing will go down. It is still writhing and clicking and clacking. It seems focused on your two brothers that it's adjacent to, but you can tell it is voracious and brutal.

Come on. Thank you, Chet, for the twist. This is actually fucking intense! I know. Okay, that's 14 plus four. It's very reminiscent of the-- Come on, six. The sock puppets fighting the rats, the giant rats. Five points of piercing damage. Five points of piercing damage, very nice. It sails in. This thing, the front of it is starting to look like a porcupine. It's got arrows sticking out of it, it's got javelin. This one went even slightly deeper than the last one.

And I'm going to take... It is starting to release this hot liquid, equivalent of blood, all across the surface of the cliff face that you find yourself fighting on. Snow is melting all around it as its heated body is literally pooling down. You are splashing around in the water, Sausage. And still, it is not going down. You could say that at this point, it is bloodied.

Save him! You won't boil me? That's not how you cook sausage? Sausages! No! Save my brother! What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, like get him and run or something?

He's stomping like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You turn around and you're doing hand code to each other and like, He's dying! What are you doing? My brother. We're gonna take him down. There's no other way. I love you, Fredo. I love you, Fredo. Can I, I'm now standing right next to him. Can I get a sense of what he's looking like? Yeah. I just said he's bloodied.

No, no, no, him. Oh! Yeah, you're standing next to him. So because of that, he can't know, but... Alright. I'm not actually trying to influence your turn, I just, that's what... Hey, you look truly fine to me! Can I, can I... What do medicine checks do? Is that taking action? That would be a full action. That's a full action. A full action to attempt to stabilize. I try and hit him with my regular sized mace.

Twisting, two twists. How are you rolling this bad one? Thank you, Jack! You don't want bad balls out now. That hits, that hits. 16, I think? Don't let me cheat. 16. Remoraz. 16 hits? 16, all right. Remoraz, or Remoraz. Remoraz. Remoraz. Why did you choose Glove?

I didn't realize there was one weapon on this sheet that didn't roll a d6! I saw it in the club! Every hit roll! Sonic has ring temperature IQ and the entire time he's fighting, at his hip they're swinging a short sword. That's really funny. That's really funny. Now would be an incredible time to awaken amazing psychic powers. Where have you been? I don't think he's here.

How much damage did you do? Three! Three points of damage. Okay, and make an intelligence check to see if you unlock amazing psychic powers.

We're twisting it. We're twisting it. No, no, no. I'm one of my own amazing seconds. Damn it! Oh!

I punched the table and that flipped to a 19, but originally I went for it. With a 19. With a 19. With a 19, I hit the table with frustration. With a frustration 19, you dig deep and you realize that within you, you have a great intelligence. You have a psychic power. You are psychically going to move your arm and swing this club and hit it again. Here it is, everybody! That'll be the conclusion. Amazing team! Daisy lets loose another arrow and she gets a...

15 hits. And so she does significant damage again. She's rolling really, really hot. That's going to get us down to

You see this arrow fly through the air, take a quick nudge and then sail directly into the carapace body of this strange creature that you're now fighting. And that's the conclusion of her turn. It digs in and goes after you, the club-like sausage man, and it's gonna get fucking 20 to hit. Shield! You put, yeah.

I can't get it. You never pierced my magical psychic barrier, but... Don't kill me. Get me dressed up. What was our guy's name? Fangaro. Fangaro. Fangaro. Can we dress?

So anyway, I cast Shield. You think you cast Shield, and then suddenly the mandibles come biting down, and you feel terrible pain. It crunches down into your shoulder, and you feel your collarbone break if you take 15 points of piercing damage and five points of fire damage. What is that total to, 20? 20.

Brothers, he's got a hand-tied magic hammer! Sad exhorting magic. Brothers, he's got a hand-tied magic hammer! That's the conclusion of his turn. It's your turn again. Death saving throw, close your eyes. Close your eyes. Not you, Mace, but Rich has to. Alright, you can come back, Rich. And that is the conclusion of...

Gabagool's turn. Porkout, you're up. No, my other brother! I run up.

Two squares, and I look down at both of my brothers, how are they looking? He just went out, so he looks like he's just, he's like, rolling on the ground in pain and basically-- What, what are you doing? Fainting from, yeah, yeah, blood is pouring out of him. You look down at Gaba Ghoul, and even though he was seriously wounded, you suspect he's on the path towards stabilization, not the path towards death.

Mechanically, you see two successes and not failures. I look back and forth. You are the future of the family! And I grab you. I use my action, and I drag you. Wow. Wow. Wow.

You're a fool, you're a fool! You're my kid brother, you're my kid brother! You're my baby brother! I can't use it to kill the 43rd! You attempt to stabilize him? I use my action to pull him away. Yeah. Oh. So... Well, it's got its reaction back, so it's going to take us a second. And me? If his reach fires-- He's got to have ten feet of reach. You don't know.

Reach is five feet. Oh. So he didn't-- No, no, no, but mechanically I can't use an attack on him. You didn't use your own movement, I used my movement, so he cannot take any real action. Yeah, I can't snap at you, I could only snap at him and my reach does not reach him. Yes. Wow! I had no idea! Icebound is crunchy as fuck! I would never-- Let's fucking go! With the big brain on porkos, eh?

That's Porcos. Your turn. Close your eyes. No, no, no, he can keep his eyes open. You have to keep your eyes closed. I'm within five feet. Okay, Mikey, you can come back. Oh god. I'm all good, Chad. Daisy lets loose another arrow. She's gonna miss finally. She gets a natural 20. Let's fucking go. You can do it, kid! Daisy. The Force. It's not magic from a certain point of view.

You see another arrow sail in, and this one cuts through one of the holes that had been previously made. It hits the same arrow and sinks so far in, you can't see that arrow. It's in the body of this alien creature. And then it goes into...

Well, it looks down at the unconscious guy, Ghoul, and it looks at the creatures that are hurting it actively, and it races forward. And it sees that you are unconscious, and it had just gotten a big bite of you. So it's going to wrap around adjacent to, exactly right, and take a big bite or attempt to out of Porko. Daisy? And it's going to get a natural 20. Oh, no!

It's like when you fucking see the two of them tag on Titan, where Han is just like... And his fucking guts come out. As long as he doesn't, like, one-shot you, you're good. Baby boy, know you are safe with your ghost. Oh, you're gonna save yourself. It's like when Han has the realization that he can't do anything, I'm just like, I don't say a word. That's gonna be... And then over here. I'm rolling low. Still. You're rolling a lot of dice, though.

I will see you soon, sheepos. You think of the disintegrating sheep and how little pain they must have felt when the instantaneous blast destroyed them in Ogerton, just wiped from existence. And what a contrast that is to the amount of pain you experience now as it...

slinks down like a snake and takes a huge bite just underneath your rib cage, pulling your belly free as it does 21 points of piercing damage and 16 points of fire damage, pulling everything out from underneath you, ripping you totally asunder. You look down and you are going to have to hold in your guts, but you black out and that's the last thing you remember before perhaps being alive again.

Does that count as two different hits though? Like two different sources of damage? No, it's one damage. It's one bite. I don't know how... We've never had to do this because we usually have games of the world. If it's one attack, like plus heat, that's still one attack. It's not the amount of damage you take. It's the amount of damage you take in a single hit, right? That we're talking about, like instant kill? That's one hit.

I think I still might have instant killed you. How much is it? Total, it would be 37 points of damage. But it was split in two. 22. If it's split in two, then I would go unconscious and then take a death save. If it's split in two. It's just one attack. I think it's split in two. Let's roll it that way. Okay. So the first would knock me unconscious, and then the fire would give me a death saving throw if it's like a radiating heat damage. Okay. Hmm.

I will mark that down. And that is the conclusion of its turn. Gabagool, you're up. Do we close our eyes for this? Yeah, close your eyes. We're all conscious. Okay, thank you. I did. You may reveal your eyes. That's going to be Horkus' turn. Okay. Everyone else close their eyes. This is actually intense, guys. What the fuck? I'm gonna roll on camera here so that chat can see it. I'm not peeking.

You can peek now. Sausage, you're up. Close your eyes, Mikey and Rich. Oh. Okay. Daisy, seeing the three of you move down. She cuts and runs.

I would, yeah. She knows that her best chance is to continue to fire bolt after bolt after bolt, and she sees that it is not far from death itself, perhaps. It is still bleeding out of many, many different wounds, and she's seen the heat damage that she would take if she were to go in with the melee damage. Knowing this, she has to risk it. Mm-hmm.

She reaches forward first and she attempts to shove the creature with a telekinetic push. Oh, that's pretty cool. Force push. Move it back as it is pushed five feet. Oh my gosh. And as it sails backwards and she runs 30 feet in the opposite direction. Was that her action or did I give it to her as a bonus action? She turns and she pulls back, releasing another arrow.

She's going to do... We all gotta play science. It's getting pretty close. Science is such a cool fucking class. And it's going to go and chase her. Can it reach her? What's its movement? Its movement is 30 feet. No. It cannot if it doesn't have five feet. It is chasing after her. And that... Is it gonna sprint? Is where we're gonna end tonight's session. Because the three of you are out.

Should we see how we stabilize or not? Do you want to? Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I think we need to! We gotta keep playing! It's up to you. You're the Dungeon Master. I am the Dungeon Master, and it's very cliffhanger-y. It's up to you! The three party members are out. This is just NPC. Like, we'd just be simulating it. But we're still in the reality of the world. We still got chunks and minuses. Yeah, we don't know if we're dead. It's up to you.

Let's roll some dice. We're gonna see if you guys survive. Let's go to the casino. Oh god. But as soon as someone dies, we're gonna have to cut to black. Mikey, your turn. It moved, and now you have to- Oh! That's right. And now, uh, you can reveal your eyes. Porkhouse, you're up. Oh. Okay.

Mace, you're up. Oh my god. We gotta figure this out. We gotta figure this out. I'm really nervous. This is a bitter end! This is a bitter end, Derek! Don't deprive us of this! Okay. Before you reveal your eyes, Mace, just to clarify. Thank you. And now, you can reveal your eyes. And we're back to Daisy. She is going to...

Can she start to move this way and still be outside of 30 feet? She's gonna try to circle around. Would it have tried to use this action or the sprint to get up in her face, though? Oh yeah, it probably would've sprinted. Yeah, it almost certainly would've sprinted. So now it's, would it try to get behind her, too?

I'm not trying to be like DM. That's interesting. No, I think it would have stayed-- Oh, I see, because she's running this way? Yeah. She's going to attempt to run this way. So it will move a couple squares this direction? Like over here? Yeah, right there. Trying to cut her off? Exactly. Perfect, perfect, perfect. And you can just imagine its multiple feet as it is waving forward with its disgusting many legs. The few that remain. It's going to make another saving throw against her telekinetic shove.

Come on, Daisy. Come on, Daisy. Come on, Daisy. And this time, perhaps expecting the strange push from the small creature, it resists and is able to remain there, knowing that perhaps she...

She must attempt to save you. She is going to attempt to run and make a dash towards you. But it will take its attack of opportunity. She's gonna just run straight back towards Horkos. Four, five, six, yep. It's going to hit. It bites into her back. She's levels though, she's levels though. She's not, we're not. She has class features.

It rakes against the back of her back with the top two of its mandibles, and if any of you were there to witness, you would say that it did significant damage, immediately taking her from a good place to a bloodied place, as she had taken some bludgeoning damage from the snow earlier. Oh, and from behind! Oh no! That will be the conclusion of her turn, and it is going to run for... Oh, so she's dashing.

She wouldn't go any further than that to use her-- or she just-- 'cause he was a bonus action, that's what you call it. No, no, no. Or she just like fucking-- She turns and she fires another arrow at it because it is quite low on health. Let's see what happens. This time she will miss. Can we twist for her? No. Okay. We cannot twist for NPCs. I got an F for three. That's just the nature of it. It's gonna run forward and it's gonna attempt to bite into Daisy again. Oh shit. Yeah, it can catch up. Yep. Oh god. What about us?

It's... that was Daisy's turn. Oh, that was the attack of opportunity! Oh no! Miss, miss, miss, miss, miss, miss, miss, miss, miss. Does her roll on edge roll, totally? No. She's gotta have shield. Oh, she does have shield. She does have shield. It would hit. It would just hit, except she uses shield.

She turns and she does this and it bites down and breaks the shield which shatters outwards in a massive golden array of sparks. But you can feel that it takes a tremendous amount of her mental energy to do this. She almost stumbles and falls but manages to stay on her feet. Mikey, how is, oh, it's your turn. Close your eyes and we're back. Rich, Forcos, how's Forcos doing? Close your eyes.

Okay. Oh yeah, okay. Sausage, your turn. Close your eyes, Rich. I'm just keeping them closed until Daisy's turn. Or yeah, Daisy's turn. Wait, did you roll two dice? No. Okay. And then you may now reveal your eyes, and it's Daisy's turn again. She's hurting, and she knows that if she tries to get away again without a successful telekinetic shove, that she could be in deep trouble. Good luck.

She's going to attempt it. She pushes out with all of her mental energy. Come on, Daisy. And it pushes back five feet. No! She turns and she backs up the 30 feet that she needs to get away from this creature. That's huge. And reaches down, grabbing another one of her arrows. This could be the last one she ever fires. She thinks to herself as she lets loose and she manages to get a natural 13. She fires the arrow. That'll hit? That'll hit?

and hits into its eye.

I'm gonna respect the fact that I rolled the HP, and that's the HP that it has. I would love to give it to her, but it only has six health points for me. We're good, we're good. We're gonna have to go to one more round to see how this fucking goes. She's out of range. It crushes into the eye. You see this splatter, this heat release. It is struggling to move forward. This is no longer just about food. This is vengeance for this terrifying creature, this young ramaraz, who's just freshly born from the patch of eggs you would have discovered just over the bend.

But none of you are here to see this. All that is happening is the machinations of this cruel and brutal lamb known as Drakkar, as it's this creature. It will dash forward and get right up into Daisy's business. Just right up to her like this or further? I would say right there, yeah. Okay. Because I'm not gonna play the blind game again, we're just going to reveal Mikey and Rich's status, okay? Okay.

I'm gonna pull back the veil. They're both stable. So we need to roll de-force to see how long it takes for us to wake up. Oh. Really? Three hours. Three hours. Two hours. Okay. Now you may close your eyes. Oh! Oh, God. Come on, sausage, my baby boy. All right, and you can reveal your eyes. Thank you. My kid. He was only 42 years old. He's a kid. Daisy. Daisy.

is on the edge here. You can imagine the tunnel vision that she's experiencing, having to put herself through such mental rigor and the exercise of it being so much the adrenaline pumping through her veins, having watched the violence that she's seen and not having her friends there to protect her. She attempts to push it back one more time, knowing that perhaps this is her only hope, and it attempts to resist. It fails, it pushes back,

Let's fucking go. And she's going to run five, uh, yeah, five squares, give me 30 feet in that direction. Right here? Yep. Get your dice out of the way. Oh, sorry. She turns, and this time she aims for the other eye. Do I have any twists of dread? Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, you do. You have a ton. You do. I'm gonna re-roll this. Yeah! She does eight points of damage. Ah!

- She releases it and it attempts to dodge out of the way, knowing the sting, the bite of those arrows. And it starts to fly forward, but she gives it one last little nudge and it sinks into the other eye and it releases a scream for but a moment before curling backwards like a scorpion's tail and sinking back down, squirming, its legs go rigid and sink down into itself and it dies.

And that is where we will end tonight's show. Do we not learn of...

Eventually, she figures out that she's able to perhaps recover, to wake you up, though you are both mortally wounded, and it will take a long time for you to heal. It is not going to be a happy journey for you forward, having the many injuries that you have. And she perhaps takes some time to nurse you, even though she has her mission behind her. What about Salsa? And you two also learn the very sad news.

that Sausage did not survive the encounter. The battle was enough to take him out. And after you were able to stand again, you have a solemn burial. He was just a kid. A kid brother. Sausage, no. And happy anniversary, everybody. Happy anniversary!

Very good. Nicely done. Six years. Six years. Holy shit. Thanks for playing. I had two small stories lined up for tonight, and the first small story that I made took the entire night because this was just a fun, relaxed time.

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