Icebound | Ep. 25 | The Frigid Depths
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Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Scrimstabberscotch, and you're listening to Icebound. Here's what happened last time. Well, that was a fucking nightmare. I never thought I was gonna say this, but I'm very happy to be back in R'hkar. It is done. The story is gone.

Based on what you know about dragons and dragonborn culture, is there anything you can tell about this tunnel, the way it was dug into the mountain? There's a small outpost. There's some sort of a wooden structure there. I do not wish to ask you to put yourself in danger, but... You're going to do it anyway. You are the best suited. Could you scout ahead? Come on, it's safe. Queen says it's safe. Come on. Come in! Come! Come in!

I'M IN! IT'S SAFE! You see what is very similar but not quite the same as the river sledge or sled that you saw in the outside world. But this one is built to traverse this strange tunnel. Hey, this is the only way to travel! Mr. Samus Cuts!

Faster! You are rocketing through this magically created tunnel, this tunnel that may have been crafted over many decades or perhaps even centuries. You see one of these outposts. Oh!

- Oh, that's cool. - And you see that it opens up into this great almost ballroom expanse with this large domed area. It's illuminated for a moment what looks like a small figure right in the center of the road. As you crash into whatever this creature is, it is not a ghost. You do not pass through it ethereally. It is some sort of a white skinned beast and it slams into the pilot, into the cow catcher.

You are unable to stop yourself because you are moving faster than you've ever moved in your fucking life. We want main hoodies! Ugh. Ugh.

- Is everything okay? - We hit something, we hit something! - It starts to inflate, pull like this. You can see bone shoved through his skin, start to sink back in and immediately start to close. You can see all of these pieces start to come together. This is happening slowly, but it is, whatever this is, regenerating. - What was that? - Part of the wall that you tried to protect pushes away and you see more trolls.

start to push in and down into the tunnel. You all hit the ground, bleary-eyed, looking around. You have crossed this chasm threshold, and you've come to a stop. Dozens of these trolls, all standing there,

but unable to cross the chasm without the same means of sick air. There is still more tunnel in front of you. You need to repair the sled that you were on. You are all hurting. Taishan is barely hanging on by a thread. It has been a hard thing to begin again. You can hear the sound of gusting wind being produced by the broken ice sled that now lies on one side. Rough canvas flaps and shakes in its path.

There's the muted sound of your companions all around you. They, too, are only just recovering from the terrific leap you just endured to cross the wide underground canyon in your path. You see they've all survived the crash in the phosphorescent light that spills out from the tunnel walls. But it is the sound of the creatures retching at you from across the divide that reminds you most that you are somewhere within the mountains themselves.

As they scream and prattle and moan, their voices reverberate against the deep stone in waves. You imagine the weight of the rock above you. For those strange, wailing creatures, this is their home. For you, it could be a tomb. You've no way of knowing how far you've come exactly, no possible way to tell how much further you need to go.

What will you find when you reach the end? Insidious thoughts are hard to push away when you are hurting in a place like this. The gusting sound stops. The canvas sail stills. The walls begin to dim. The light is gone. It is pitch black. The screen's gone too. Only the sound of your breath and heartbeat fill your ears. It is very still, and it is very cold. What happens next?

It's up to you. Ah, ah, ah, Katz! Ah, sound off! Is anyone dead? Quite the opposite, Mr. Stavis, Katz, I've never felt more alive! I'm solid ground, much less in the earth! I am alive. I'm gonna go check on Taishan. And I'm gonna float down on my bees and go over to where Taishan is and...

Taishan, you're lying prone, and you can feel the cold ice of the trail, essentially the track of this tunnel, the ground of it, underneath your dragon-scale flesh, and you're very close to the edge. It's precarious here, just on the other side. Queenie, thank you!

Oh, thank you for saving me. You almost turned into paste there, buddy. I thought I was lost. You went into a fire frenzy. I've never seen you shoot so much flame before. Wow. That was incredible, Mr. Fire Blossom. We couldn't have done that without you. Well, I've done that before probably. I've been that cool at least one of the time probably. Oh, I'm sure you have. I'm just surprised by your ferociousness. I don't know what came over me.

I think I still killed more trolls than you did. I'm just saying, stating for the record. I don't think you would have killed him if it hadn't been for his flying. Oh, yeah, that's true. But that makes all five voices, which mean we made it! Bottom of us, we did it! Ah!

Let's survey the situation of our vessel. I'm sure we can put it back together. I am not a carpenter, I will admit. You're all shouting out. It's a little dark. Yes, exactly right. It is pitch black. And those of you with dark vision, even you are coming to terms with how pitch black, pitch black can truly be. There is no form of light in any direction.

I pick myself up off the icy ground, stumbling. I'm hurt, bruised, I'm not looking good, but I'll generate flame in the palm of my hand, try to illuminate the area around us. Dim light sprays out and you all look and see this small, flickering beacon there in the hand of Taishen. No broken bones?

Everybody one piece. No broken bones and no broken bees. We should walk the rest of the way on foot. I don't think we have a choice. Well, let's survey the situation. How bad could this possibly be your act?

You make a investigation check. We saw the way it crashed before the lights went out, right? Yep. Oh, was it bad? At least half of it's down in that disk. No, it didn't crack. Oh, it didn't. It hit the back and slapped down. 15. And then rolled to a stop. So all of the pieces are at least there with a 15. Allegedly.

With a 15, you sort of... Do you have darkvision? I do! Oh, yeah! That makes sense. You walk over. And you can see the color fade as you get over and closer to the structure. It is very much on its side. Incredibly, it is not shattered or sundered. It is still a whole sled. It doesn't look like it would require...

maintenance to the body. The mast remarkably remains intact, but it is the fact that it is no longer producing wind that strikes you. It's all very silent, as silent as the creatures that were on the other side of the chasm seem to be now. You also do not see the gem that we've neglected to mention to Mace. There's a sort of a

magical object that kind of like a cat's eye gem stone. It'll actually indicate sort of what time of day it is. That seems to be missing entirely. Oh no. So do we feel like it

It snapped off in the crash. It looks like it had dislodged from that spot and that it might be around. It may have fallen down into the abyss. There was a lot going on. It's hard to say without additional investigation. But also because, to your point, you could certainly walk. You could do that. With enough time and energy, you might be able to ride it right

realign it back onto its track, get it up and running again, however that magical mechanism may work, and see if you could continue to progress via sled. There is a track on this side, though. It's not all, like, destroyed. Looking around, you... As you walk with your flame, you...

are careful to step, and there are grooves, there are two fat grooves on either side of this tunnel floor that are where the railings would typically go. Those seem to be just as they were on the other side, right there. - Did this look intentional? Or as if something like a bridge collapsed? - Make a perception check. - Good question. - Taishem, bring the light over here. - Oh no way. - Big money. - 23.

23. Big money. You get as close to the other side as you feel comfortable. The floor of this tunnel being made of effectively pure ice. It...

Five, ten feet away from the edge feels extremely precarious. If you lost your footing, you'd be going down without some assistance or magical means. And so you get to the edge of this tunnel and you sort of look around, and even in the dim light, you can see that this doesn't look like it was a naturally formed tunnel.

This does not look like it was, that there was a bridge here that just happened to collapse or anything like that. And what tells you this is that there are sort of scorch marks on the walls and the ceiling. There seems to have been some kind of intentional blast that created this massive fissure. This was created through some means after the use of this tunnel came to an end, presumably.

Do we think it was their strange, draconic technology that went awry? Well, there's scorch marks across the ceiling. Something, something caused it, or blew up, or maybe a princess. If I can feel my staff and get a sense of north, right, and use that feature... I heard it as soon as I said it. I'm going to, or if I could try to triangulate...

the direction of the tunnel and the direction of the chasm/blast and try to see sort of which directions they're each going. You are facing... the entrance of the tunnel is you face out towards the chasm. That is definitely south. You've been heading northeast-ish. Northeast, I see. Exactly right.

And then that means, is it perpendicular? Yeah. So that means that, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's as if right here at this particular point they decided to slash the tunnel in half to draw a line. I can climb down there, give it a quick look. You would go to the bottom of the chasm. What's the worst that can be down there? More trolls? Ten, a hundred thousand ogre souls.

It's very unlikely that would happen twice, Mr. Stavaskatch. You asked, I'm just saying. If something caused this Barnabas, it could live at the bottom of this chasm. I say true. But if we don't understand what created this, there could be one, two, there could be twenty more before we make it to the city. Perhaps... Perhaps this was done to prevent further spread.

Perhaps like a rot that takes the edge of the forest. You burn that part of the forest to prevent further spread. So what you're saying is now that we're on this side, we should be safe from the trolls? If they felt it was effective to prevent them from crossing, yes. All right. Sounds like a good thing. Well, we've been on this side for a little while now, and no trolls have come at us.

So maybe they can't get over here. I'm gonna keep looking at the trolls. What are they doing? Um, without illumination, you cannot see to the other side of the chasm. It's too wide. Mr. Fireblossom, you wanna aim into the darkness out there and see if you can snipe one? I'll fire some, I'll fire something off as far as I can. Uh, which is 120 feet.

You spit this fire into the air and you watch as like a firework tail, it flies through the air, shimmering reds and oranges and yellows hit the sides of this chasm and you can see the minerals on the sides of these walls, this felspar, almost glitter as it reaches the other side and goes out against the other side. You manage to nail the opening of the tunnel even without being able to see it.

and when it ignites and crashes, sparks hitting the floor of the other side. You see that the ice trolls have all gone. You, Scrim, see something that no one else sees. A pair of eyes watching you from the other side of the chasm. A figure, a shape, a shadow that you become very familiar with, and it's briefly illuminated by this red light before it goes dark. In that moment,

Whoever's closest to the scrim would probably be here, uh... and, like, take three or four steps back. We gotta keep going. We gotta keep going. Whether we... whether we get this thing up right, which is my vote, because it goes very, very fast, and goes very, very far very quickly, or we need to get hiking RIGHT now. We can't stay here. Nope. Not for a minute longer. Alright. Mr. Yornear, would you mind giving me a hand?

And I'm gonna go up to it and try to basically do whatever we can to get leverage. And with both of us hopefully being able to... You have to get between it and the wall of this tunnel, initially. You sort of have to climb up and over it and then you can put your...

mass your legs against the wall and sort of push. That slides and crunches forward. You can hear it roughly moving against even the smooth floor of this tunnel. But once there's enough room and you get it out towards sort of the center and you feel that you can push it over onto its track, you flip to the other side. Come on, quick, quick.

Let's go, let's go, work a little faster here, come on, come on! It takes all of your energy and the, um, tremendous strength of a queenie's hive to push all the hundreds of pounds that this sled would be in order to tip it and actually get it to land. And even then, when it lands, you worry that it is going to break, and it creaks and it twists, but it does not come apart.

With a few additional pushes, you finally manage to sink the rails of this sled back into the grooves, pointing the correct direction down the tunnel, and you seem to have righted it. The moment that's even remotely level, Scrim will have crawled up onto the deck of this thing and is in position to basically start it. Come on! Come on, come on, come on, come on! There's no time to waste! Let's go! Let's go! Come on! The lever is still in its 50 miles per hour position.

Did it seem like it needed that gem thing to run? I would say that... Is that something you could deduce? It would be easy enough to deduce that if you started to look at it and platoon it together. While there, Queenie's using her bees to help with that, but she would be looking around and trying to see if she could see any markings on the ground where it looks like something would have landed or rolled or...

trying to essentially track this thing and see if she can find it. Make an investigation check? Yeah. There are plenty of markings on the floor of this tunnel from the grooves and from the pushing of the sled, from the blast that could be... Let's do one more and then that's it.

Oh no, we had to call it, we had to call it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Oh, right. Wow. Maintain game state. 20-24, everybody. You look around and do you have a source of illumination?

And do you have darkvision? I don't know enough about it. Oh, I know I don't have darkvision. Okay, so with the dim light that you're just starting to look around, but you can't really leave the perimeter of the dim light that Tyshen is using to help guide those pushing the sled over, that you don't see anything. Something's wrong. It's not working. It's for the best. No, no, no, no, no. This is really bad.

Well, if we think that... Oh, sorry. No, you go ahead. Well, if we think... This was built by Dragonborn. I don't know if it needed that gem, but...

What's the size of the... Did it slot in somewhere, like on a console? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a... On the back of the dragon, it's sort of faced like this towards the mast so that as you opened its jaw with each of the notches, more and more of this gust would actually hit the sail and accelerate you faster and faster. On the back is that notching handle, and there was essentially a slot for it, right?

Do I think, is it anywhere that I would think that maybe I could slot in the base of my teapot? I would say that it would be too big. That it does not look like it could, uh, that it was custom made, bespokely made for that particular, um, artifact. I think, I think we need to find it. If it's, if it's here, we'll take less time looking for that thing and getting this ship up and running than trying to walk. I would prefer to keep my feet on the ground.

You don't want to ride this ship anymore. We have no idea how far we have to go down. We could be down here for days if we're walking. There's going to be no source of water. There's going to be no source of food. And we're underground. There's not going to be access to snow for us to turn into water. And if we encounter more of those things...

We would not be likely to escape. In a fair fight. In a fair fight, we would have lost. Plus, it's a lot of fun! It's fun, Yornia! I'm saying it's fun, get on the damn sled! It's not fun.

But I'll, listening to Scram, I'll get up on the sled and I'll sit down on one of the benches. We need to find this thing. We're not going to find it with you guys sitting on the sled. Bonobos has crazy legs and claws and stuff. You can find it. Climb out of the thing. Go look for it. All right. Use your, use your, use your. I do have a bit of a shirt, but I. I've got a lot of senses and all that. Come on, hurry up. I'll go down with you, Bonobos. We can, we can walk around, cast the light, see what we can find. All right, that's a good plan, Mr. Fireblossom.

First, let's look around here, through the rubble. Make an additional investigation check. And because Taishen is helping with his elimination, you may do it at advantage. No, I'm just trying. 18. 18.

It takes you 15, 20 minutes and you completely scour the ego a little bit farther. Maybe it slid. I mean a gemstone that thin would like a hockey puck just like maybe rocket forward. You go 150 feet down the tunnel finding nothing and it is, it would be evident.

You come back. You look at the grooves. You look at where everything landed. You check the sled. You check in the sled. Again, you find nothing, and you are left to the conclusion that, likely, it fell into the abyss. Can I try one more thing? Can I go to the edge of the abyss and, like I shot across, shoot down and see if I can get a sense? With the understanding that if you get within five feet of the edge, you'll have to make a dexterity check to make sure that you don't

Slip. Okay. Could I use my bee hand to create like a bee wall? Wall of bees. Yeah, to hold him over the abyss? Sure, you could create a bee plank. Yeah. A diving board of bees.

Yeah. It takes some getting used to. Or like little bee stairs to kind of go down a little bit. Sure. You could kind of walk down them and just... These stairs lay out before you, and you know how secure these platforms can be. You know how much support they can offer you because you were just carried over the entire chasm by Queenie's bees, and you stepped very confidently, making your way... Every time you step down here...

I'm so glad this is free. And now you are effectively standing over the edge. This is where the actual abyss is, but now you're standing on this platform of bees and you're able to look down and just...

like a flare, it drops down, and at the 121-foot marker, it extinguishes. It goes dark like an ember dying out, and it still has not hit a bottom. Nothing refracts around the edge? Only that same beautiful illumination on both sides of the walls, given the nature of this mountain stone, but you do not see a floor. Well, thank you again, Queenie.

Yeah, sorry, I couldn't be more help. I don't think... I think maybe the gem fell in the ravine. I don't think we'll be able to find it. Oh, this is just great! Even if we were to go down, I fired all the way as far as I could and it just disappeared into deep darkness. You and I, my bees can carry us and no more. We wouldn't have Barnabas.

We can ride them down there, get closer. Make an intelligence check. Really smart. It's gonna be all right. Wisdom. Nice. That's pretty good. 18. It occurs to you, I think Taishan would have known this, the DC was like eight. Oh, thank goodness. The...

The nature of the flame going out at 120 feet is because of the limited range of that particular sorcerer blood magic that you have, draconically. That doesn't mean that you couldn't light something on fire and drop it into the abyss. It wouldn't go out because it's non-magic. No, we shouldn't light Scrim on fire and drop him into the abyss. What? Nobody's suggesting that.

Somewhere in the world, Matthew Lillard is suggested. I understand why you suggested that, Queenie, but how about an arrow? You could fire a flaming arrow down into the ravine and see what happens. That's some cool shit.

It's like that other scene. And I'll fire an arrow. You fire an arrow and it drops 100 feet, getting smaller 200, getting smaller 300 feet. It's hard to say if it's 400 or 500 feet down, but you eventually see it stop and continue to light until presumably the entire shaft of the arrow is consumed by flame and it eventually goes out. But there's a floor. There's a bottom down there.

That's very far down. Yeah, but... yeah. We don't know what's down there and if we run into any more... resistance. So here's the thing. I could get people, except for Yorneir, down there. Well, and Barnabos. But Barnabos has claws. So he could claw down. And you and I could fly down. Grim and Yorneir could stay up here in the darkness alone by themselves, unprotected. I don't know. That's all I got.

I don't think we're getting this thing moving if we don't find it. To check for the gem, we might be able to just fly down, maybe just me and you, as quick as we can and do a quick sweep. And if it's not there, it's not there. But if we see it... Yeah, but what if there's a Baba Ganesh from that hit horror film Baba Ganesh? I'm sorry, more of your image.

All the good news. What? That clears everything up. I think we're fucked. All right. Well, how fast does that thing go? Is it more of a slow elevator speed? With my bees? Yeah. Oh, they're about 30 feet, I think. Ah. It's not too bad. I will tell you right now. They are, they're actually pretty cool.

Yeah, they travel at a... I can cast them up to a range of 60 feet from me. They have a speed of 30 feet and they can carry... It says more than 250 pounds, but I think it's supposed to say up to 250 pounds. They can't carry less than 250 pounds. They can't carry less than... Can't do it. Anything less than 250 pounds, they won't even try. They don't get out of bed for less than 250. That's why I'm here.

If it's less than 250 pounds, Barnabas has to carry it. All right, yeah, just do a quick look, you're fine. Okay, let's go down. Let's do it. Emphasis on quick!

Please! Yes, we're going as fast as we can! Yeah, like in an elevator, they just very, very, very, very slowly. No, I would like to think that you Silver Surfer it. Like, both of you hop onto the same, like, saucer of bees, and you just swim around, immediately corkscrewing down further and further and further. You keep your hand flame alive, and you can see the amazing crack

in this crevasse as you get deeper and deeper. As Taishen's flame begins to get smaller and more distant as we watch them go over the edge, Barnabus, Yornir, and Scrim will be standing there in silence. And unless anybody says anything, the only thing that they will hear is Scrim's foot. Oh my god, do you think that's the Baba Ganesh? You think that's the Baba Ganesh? I think that might be the Baba Ganesh. Oh, but it sounds like it's coming from where they are. No, it just sounds like it's echoing all around us. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

You get lower and lower and lower. Just as we descend, thinking about... I wouldn't necessarily be investigating, but I'd be wondering to pay attention as this chasm and thinking about the scorch marks up top as we're going down, if anything would stand out as we descend that would clue into what led to... I think a perception check.

Nine? Twist it. Twist it. I'll twist it. I'll one-twist. I'll one-twist. Okay. Two twists? The Barbican? Two twists. Two twists. I'll two-twist it.

I'll go to town on some bubble gummies. I am getting fucking hungry! Holy hell. I'm so glad you twisted, you double twisted. What did we say? 17. 17. 17. Wait, we're not-- Yeah, right? What's four? Oh, I was looking at persuasion. There are these sort of diagonal markings, these scorch marks, and your

Affinity with fire, tells the tale. You start to recognize that these blasts, the flames flew up, but not down. And it is as though tears were shed away with a series of concussive blasts. As you make your way down, every 30, 40 feet or so, you're recognizing the same story being told over and over and over again. It is as though this was an engineered blast.

abyss of fissure that was intentionally blasted away slowly over time not with one massive explosion but with many intentionally this fissure was purposeful when it looks like something blasted this up very purposefully yeah it does look that way we're trying to keep imagining that ship from reaching its destination we gotta get it up and running

Because if you didn't know this, this fissure was here. Fissure, fissure. If you didn't know it was here, and you didn't crank up the speed all the way to max, you would never make that jump. We barely made it. Yeah. Thank goodness for scrim. Don't tell him that, though. Oh, no, I would never. But, you know, outside of his earshot. Nice, nice throttle work back there. Do you smell that? I smell smoke. You smell that? You smell that?

Oh my god, it's the Bob Ganesh. Oh, well I am holding fire. Oh, alright. You get deeper and deeper and eventually the dim light from your palm illuminates the floor and it is fragmented stone in all directions. Rubble. It is...

very plain, however, to see that there are objects down here. There is not just perhaps the gemstone that you're looking for, but you can see pieces of wood. You can see bits of metal. You can see what looks like debris, almost like a trash heap down there, which is when you suddenly hear this scraping sound.

guttural sound and a hand, a massive hand emerges from the trash and you hear this voice, Baba Kanush! And you are both grabbed and swallowed. Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush! Baba Kanush

Nothing like that happens. You wanna hear them scream. Go ahead and make an investigation. Only if I choose to listen to them. Nice, almost where the work next. Back there, Mr. Ewing. I'm a good noosh. Alright, I'll... I'll... I'm gonna twist. We got enough. I'll double twist. I'll double twist again.

It's alright. It might be ten. It's just a matter of how long it takes. Well, and I'm helping, because I'm there with you. Yeah, roll an extra die. One more. Exactly right. You got worse. It's me. It's me. 11, 11, 11. It's a matter of, at a certain point, you have to actually step off of the platform of bees and get onto the rocket and start to actually push away some of these things. It's like...

It's like how you imagine if...

You looked underneath a pier or at the edge of a dock or something where people have been throwing their trash over and over and over. There's like chicken bones and flesh and all kinds of random assorted-- Chicken bones and flesh. And flesh. Rotted flesh and all kinds of disgusting stuff here as if, like your companions who still remain at the tunnel entrance,

500 feet above you, that it would be fun to throw a token or something off the cliff. And that is what you're scraping through, and finally your hand flame illuminates, and you see that telltale sort of cat's eye gem reflection. And you are able to pick it up, and examining it, it appears to be whole. It's intact! Look! I don't even believe it.

We're under the earth. We're being stalked by a Bob Ganesh. I can't believe you did that, Tyshen. What? Did you hear that? Did you hear that growl? I did. It's time to go. It's time to go. It's time to go. Baba. Nudge. Quiet, please. Quiet. Quicker. Nudge. I can't go any quicker. You leave Tyshen behind. He's concerned. Oh, queenie.

You fly back up. It's like Jack and Rose on the Titanic. There's not enough room. There's no room. Sorry, you just can't come on. You can't do it. The bees are huge. Oh, Queenie. Oh, no, Queenie. Oh, Queenie. Oh, don't let go. I'll never Queenie. And so you make your way back up. And the three of you see, unless you have been doing anything, aside from waiting. What were we up to?

I was sitting on the raft. What were you guys doing? I'll look at Scream. I would have... It would be extremely evident to the other two people on this raft that something is wrong. I'm more impatient than usual. I would be sitting there at this console waiting and then periodically every like 30 seconds or so looking over my shoulder back at the other tunnel. Looking over my shoulder back at the other tunnel. After a while of silence. Scream! Hi!

Those trolls were chumps.

Oh! They can't get us. Yeah, the trolls, no, that's ancient history. They're on the other side of the ravine. We're fine. We're fine. Why are you so shaky? You were elated when we were all alive. You were fine up until Taishen shot his fire across the chasm. What did you see? It's...

It is here. It's back. It's following me again. I haven't seen it in a very long time and I know that the things that we went through when we were on that island with the lighthouse, I'm not even sure if any of that was real. And yes, I might have summoned some sort of vestige of it or avatar or something, but it's here. It's right here. It's on the other side of that ravine and it's going to kill me. It's going to get me. It's finally going to take me. Have you considered...

that it is impossible for an actual hound or beast to follow us all this way. Have I considered? Yes, I've considered. It's clearly not just a normal thing. It's supernatural. It's beyond any of us. It will never stop until I'm dead. This is why I bring this up, because it is beyond the natural, and it has followed us this whole time.

Whether it is across the ravine or anywhere else, it could get you at any moment. Ah! Ah, she's just like Queenie. You're just like Queenie. She said the same thing. If it was going to get you, as you say, what would it do with you?

I'm thinking, "Oh, if it wanted to kill you, it would have done it by now." At this point. That's just it. It's savoring my fear and anxiety. It's like I'm marinating in it constantly for the last several decades. And it's just waiting. And it's watching, and it can smell and taste me. And it's only a matter of time before it lunges! That's the worst part, the waiting! The waiting constantly! Day after day, month after month, for years!

Why won't it just take me already?! Have you...tried...to stop fighting? Ah, Queenie said that too! Accept it. Don't feel the fear. It is there. For what reason, we or certainly I do not know. But you are giving it power if you think it is feeding on how you're feeling right now. The more you try to sail away from the ferryman, the more it's guaranteed that you will be swallowed by the depths.

It's probably the same principle here. I just don't know. It's out of your control either way. Accept it as a fact of existence, of life, of your natural state. Perhaps it will get you one day. Perhaps it will, but believe that if you acknowledge it and accept it as constant as the tides... Done.

How, uh... Would it be reasonable to assume that when I was sent to Ogre Heaven that I would absolutely know that that was not Ogre Heaven? Would I have felt closer to this being an entity than I'd ever felt before? I don't know if... You would know that it's not Ogre Heaven.

But the following dominoes of how that might be connected to this curse you have in Ben and Jordan, or the connection between when you were there, if you felt closer, or if you were even reminded of it, or if it felt like two totally disparate things, I would say is more elusive. Okay.

But it was definitely not Ogre Heaven. And I would say that as you were speaking, the rest of your conversation would be easily overheard by Taishan and by Queenie because you're essentially sitting in a megaphone in a big echoing environment. So, please continue. Look, you're right. I can't even argue with you. You're right. There's nothing I can do about it. But it's unsettling to say the least. And I'm struggling with it because someday...

Whether of my own free will, or we meet some horrific end right here on Jakar, my time will be up. And I know that that thing's gonna be waiting for me, whether it's on this side or the other side. And I am not looking forward to that day. If the beast is truly here, it'd make you feel better if we warded it off.

How many more spoons are you gonna stick there in my ear, Bonapos? I'm running out of room here. You do not have power to ward it away. I do. I'll open up my spice box and I'll pull out a handful of salt. Is there stata, Scotch?

As I taught you. Yeah, alright. I basically do every ritual that Barnabas has ever taught me. They've all become second nature at this point. And I do them, and you're not sure if I do them because I believe in them or if it's just to keep Barnabas quiet. But either way, it's mechanical by now. It's second nature. Alright. They can't get you now.

And I guarantee you that Miss March and Mr. Fireblossom will be up here with that gem any moment. And it's at that time you hear a screaming as the bees... No, Taishan and Queenie are stepping off the bee platform just as you conclude your ritual. And you're all there together, Taishan, with the gem in hand.

Oh my god, you found it! We narrowly avoided the Baba Ganoush. The what? It was down there. You had to be there. It was down there, all right. We could hear it noosh, noosh, nooshing off in the distance. And then it was Baba, Baba, Baba, and...

Get on the platform! These trolls, you saw the same trolls? We should go. We should go! We gotta go! Come on! It was gigantic. He was in his hand and then the eyes and then the... I'll slot the cat's eye in. Onto the ship! All right, everybody hang on. Buckle up. I'm not gonna buckle up. That's for losers. Get ready. Here we go. And I will slowly, once everybody's in position... I tie myself. You place the gemstone inside and a number of things happen.

A double knot. One, a light appears indicating that it is close to night. And additionally, the surrounding tunnel walls, as this element goes in, seems to resonate with whatever magic also powers the tunnel.

a gusting dragon, and the lights come back on. Slowly but surely, the walls, these crystals begin to illuminate more and more and more, and blinking, you realize that you can see again, and that it carries down the tunnel some few hundred feet, and all the way out across the cavern, the connection still seems to be made, and you can see the same entrance where you had thrown your firebolt.

There are still no ice trolls there, nor is there a shadowy hound. All right, everybody, hang on. We're going to see if this thing still works, and then I'm kicking it in an overdrive. The wind of the dragon begins to exhale, and the sail fills for a moment, and pretty quickly you're moving. I can't remember what my notches were at one moment. Four? Two miles per hour. Two fours.

I think we're good. What do you think? Bonobos, we getting the clear? All right.

Hang tight! Crank it, Mr. Sebastop! And I just punch it the rest of the way. We're outta here! Four miles per hour, 15 miles per hour, 30 miles per hour, 50 miles per hour. You begin to rocket down and take off. You can feel the wind blowing against your skin. It is still quite cold, but you are appropriately garbed at this point. And about...

Three, maybe four minutes into your journey, you realize that the tunnel is dark. That same illumination that stretches out from both sides is seemingly blocked off. I think as soon as I see that darkness, I'm learning under Barnabas's tutelage, I immediately pull back.

all the way down to two miles per hour, all the way back. We're not gonna stop, but I pull off the throttle. - You pull down and it takes some time for the momentum to come to a close, but you are sliding forward and you realize that the walls seem to have been

damaged that the that it is uh unable for these crystals to create the elimination that it has throughout this entire tunnel because the rails are also all uh mismatched you only get a sense of that because the rest of it is again a very very dark tunnel and all of a sudden you feel the bumping grinding feeling of the railings crashing through and you hear a twang the sound of uh like

a bow. Almost-- Tripwire? Yes, you do hear a tripwire. And I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throw. Shit. Do I see this coming? What in the hell was-- Here we go again.

Let's talk about whether you see it coming. You would be aware that sudden danger would happen as suddenly as you hear that twang sound. I see this rattling and twang. But would you know that it's coming from above you? I think that dex effects you can see. If it's supposed to be like a trap, surprise trap. Then I probably don't. I would think not. I'm just going to roll. But that's my take. This is not good.

Ability saves. Dex is 30. One moment, let me roll for damage. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Tyshan still has how much? I roll a 22. I roll a 22. You're out of your third hit points.

Nine points of acid damage. As you-- - Does anyone fail? - And half as much if you succeeded, managing to sort of sense that there's something coming and you're able to dart out of the way. You hear this sound of the twang and all of a sudden, like a small wave crashing down, acid suddenly splashes across the surface of the deck like rain. Then,

you see two canisters released from both sides of the wall, and they swing down, and before you have a moment, these two kegs collide and explode. You also take, I need to make an additional dexterity saving throw, all of you. - Oh my god! - You roll down. - Oh, I won in the play! - Oh no! - I'm twisting, I'm double twisting this. - Yeah, twist for me too. - I'm double twisting.

I would see this coming. You would have seen this coming. One more die for that. Now I'm double twisting. So we took, half was what, nine? Nine points of acid damage. Half of you succeeded the dexterity saving throw. Half is four. I got a 22 on my roll and now we're making another one? That's successful. Oh, I guess I should ask what everyone's acid saving throw was. I rolled half for one. 13. 23.

The DC is 15, so you both take the full nod. I did, yeah. Thank you. And for... I don't know why we're suddenly very quiet. No, this is fine. I have a plus 8 to Dax. Uh...

I rolled another natural. Two canisters came down and collided. And exploded. In addition to the acid damage that has rained across the top of this ice sled, all of a sudden everything is fire and chaos all around you. Make an additional dexterity saving throw for the fire, half as much on a DC 15 saving throw if you succeed. 22 damage total. Give me one twist. Give me one twist. Does a nine...

It does not succeed. You may want to twist that. I did. Oh, really? Yeah, so my first roll was a 5. Mm-hmm. What if you have plus 8? I do have plus 8, so does a 13 succeed? It's 22 points of damage if you don't beat the DC of 15. Yeah, but does a 13 succeed? No, it doesn't. Are you sure, though? I'm pretty sure 13 is fewer than 15. I know I could have, but I have a plus 8, so I'm thinking... Yeah, that's 22 there. So I take 11? Jeez Louise. Yeah.

I love it, though. This explosion rocks all around you, and the sled is still kind of gliding forward, grinding to a halt, and you realize that all around you, the floor had been covered in some kind of thick, oily substance as it itself ignites, and you realize that the sled that you are on is on fire. And so is Queenie. Weir had been a rabbit, is now a naked mole rat.

Yeah. All of her fur has been singed off. You realize how wrinkly her flesh is beneath her fur. With the egregial under-motion of the tunnel due to everything being on fire, does it, like, if I'm standing with the thing, if I look forward, does it look like I could walk forward? Does it look like the tunnel's collapsed? Does it look like there's anything impeding our progress? It looks like a battle zone.

Looking down the tunnel, even though you're only getting illumination from the fire and from the illuminated tunnel behind you, as you are coming and grinding to a halt, you are looking down what appears to be similar explosions that would have been similar to this, having scored and scorched the entire interior. It also comes to a complete stop. There seems to be like a flat plug on this end.

Oh, if I could see that the, if that there was no further progress, I think my initial reaction from the explosion would have been to back off the vessel, as opposed to try to go forward off the vessel. That's why I'm asking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To get myself out of the fire immediately.

I would have to make a quick split-deck decision whether to go forward or backwards. Yes. And if I see that it's blocked off, I think Scrim would immediately try to get off the back of the vest. You would turn and roll, and I would say that at this point, any of you who didn't succeed the saving throw against the fire would realize that you are on fire, taking an action to bat it out and put that out. I would take that action for sure. Yeah.

You take an additional two points of fire damage in doing so. Recovering from the explosion, I would see just the madness and chaos, and I would immediately grab my staff and...

throw it up towards the top of the cavern. And this sort of howling wind and clouds will sort of roll in, and I will cast Sleet Storm on us. All over, basically everywhere where I see the fire. And until the spell ends for a minute, freezing rain and sleet fall in a 20-foot cylinder with a 40-foot radius centered on a point we choose within...

The area is heavily obscured and exposed flames in the area are doused. Hey! So I would say that that actually encompasses the entire... This spreading fire was originally a myth, but with your quick thinking, you... A thin veil of mist almost swirling around like clouds hits the top of its tunnel and...

out of nowhere, magically summoned, conjured freezing rain starts to pour down and very, very quickly beats down the flames to the point that there is still oil. It was not all consumed. What should have been burned up very quickly, it's put out by the sleet storm spell, and you get this smell, not just of the burned hair and clothes and wood, but also this, like,

tacky kerosene smell that burns your eyes, your nose, your mouths, your lungs. - What was that? - It is a trap of some kind. - There is something that does not want this ship to make it to the end of this land.

I want to just, knowing that everyone's at least off of fire now, I want to get a sense to see if I can hear or perceive anyone that was potentially waiting, or get a sense of what caused this or what triggered this. Make a perception check. 20. Nice. Not bad. With a 20, you stare through the freezing sleet that continues to rain down, presuming that you maintain the spell.

You look down the tunnel, and you can see that on another 100 feet or so from here, there is a barricade. There is something that has been built. This is not a natural wall or anything like that. The tunnel should be going and continuing. But what appears to have been a built lumber and steel wall has been put up.

to enclose the space almost all the way up to the ceiling. Now you can see that there may be some creases. It does not come totally flush against the wall as if it was built after the tunnel was made. We need to gather ourselves. There is an obstruction built by perhaps the Dragonborn. I do not know, but not the trolls. This must be to keep them out or to keep something out.

They definitely destroyed the railway, the bridge back at that chasm. This has to be more assurances that the trolls wouldn't have made it to them. Someone is placing traps in this tunnel.

Poor girl. I'll pat the hull of the charred ruin. I presume the canvas is totally fucked. The canvas has been largely destroyed. Looks like Terlite's got to it. Yeah, it looks like Terlite says, have eaten away at the wood. It's wormed with holes, and it looks like you could certainly turn it back on, but at this point, the sled's journey has come to an end. Is the cat's-eye gem still intact? It is.

Oh, you gave us a great voyage. You did. I guess we're walking. Yorneir, you win. You were right, Mr. Yorneir. You were right. Yorneir, thinking to yourself, you realize this probably would have been about a 60-minute walk from the tunnel explosion from the castle. I keep that to myself. I told you so. How is everyone feeling?

Not good! I am badly wounded. I definitely don't... I can't keep this up. One more misstep and we're done. We're done. It's over. What's the likelihood that that's all ancient Silver Dragon born technology that just still works just like our vessel here? Well, if we can make it to that barricade, maybe we can get a sense of if it's old or how long it's been here.

If they had set it up some time ago to keep the trolls out, it might just be old leftover traps. Well, I don't think that we should face a barricade on account of the fact that barricades imply hostiles behind the barricade. Well, do we hear any- now that all these traps have just gone off, like the acids explode, presumably a large explosion has just sounded out, do we hear-

Like anything, like on the wind? Any kind of like shuffling noise? Any sense of it approaching? How long does sleep storm last? Just a minute. Okay. So it would be raining and then... Raining, and as soon as the rain stops and everything grows still again and is deadly quiet, you listen out. Make a perception check. 13. Only the sounds of your breathing companions. I'm in no shape to deal with any sort of...

enemy force, but we've not been quiet since we've been on this side. We were shouting at the ravine, I mean an explosion's just gone off. And nobody so far has even come to look at what's going on that I can tell. I mean if these things have been left here for some time, there might not be anybody left. We've seen no sign of life on this side of the ravine yet.

So what are you suggesting we investigate the barricade, see if there's any more ramshackle buildings, and if it's safe we can rest, I'll cook us a meal we haven't eaten today. Keep your voices down. If the structure is manned, they certainly know we're here. How far is it from us? 100 feet. Oh, so it's pretty close. I know I was downplaying the effectiveness of the trolls, but I got a little roughed up.

I don't know if I'm in fighting shape for another battle. Oh, I'm definitely not. I don't know if we have much of a choice. It's only 100 feet or so from us. What are we gonna do, rest right here and hope that if they know we're here, they don't just come and slaughter us while we sleep? No, we need to patch up ourselves up now, and I will wave my hand, and from the ground, we'll erect on this spectral blue, almost like a standing stone,

with, like, carved on top the head of a mammoth into it between us. Stay close and it will help to rejuvenate us. And I'm going to cheese Healing Spirit as you do. Do you want to read the errata, though? Do you want to reread that? It's 1d6 per turn, so it's 10d6. Doesn't it-- uses it up or something? Oh, like per target? Hold on. Oh, six times, so 6d6.

For everybody? We would have to distribute the six d6. So each one of us basically gets a d6. A d6 plus my wiz mod? The spirit can heal a number of times equal to one plus your spellcasting ability modifier is the errata. So yeah, if you're healing, it should be six.

66. Oh, each of us gets 66. Yeah. No, we get 66 total. Oh, got it, got it. And then somebody gets two. I got 11. That's pretty good. What is it, plus your mod? No, I don't think so. Oh, it's just a 66. Unless that's some other feature. I don't know. Three.

I see this beautiful totem from the ground with this absolutely just angelic, you know, aurora borealis light pouring from it. And I'm like, and then it ends and I'm like,

I didn't do anything! I get one point. So did I. The aurora borealis is swirling just above our heads. It barely gets to the two of us. That's it? It shows up and you have to race over to it and it's going back down just as you arrive. Ah, shit, I was too late! What was that? It's actually just a burning oven fire. That was beautiful and then gone! Just like that. Thank you, Yornir.

I feel invigorated. I do feel a bit better. And then I will go-- Insight check. Insight check. I'm gonna hit myself with the Cure Wounds, and if anyone else is looking poorly, how's everybody looking, I guess? I think we need a short rest, mechanically speaking. Yes, but at least before we investigate this structure, this is not-- I can take it. I can take it. How's everybody looking?

You should take some. Yeah, I'll take some. I'll do some. But... How's scrim lookin'? Pretty rough. Not good. It's not looking good. I'm all gashed up and like charred and I step near the totem and I got like a little less charred and that was about it. It still looks rough. Oh, here you go. Yes! I'll throw a Cure Wounds on scrim. There we go.

11 points of healing. Oh, that's huge. If my health pool had originally been a scale of 1 to 7, I was a 2. Jesus. Also a cast Cure Wounds. Queamy? Are you feeling okay? No, not very. I'm also feeling tapped out. Luck.

I don't want to be, you know, ever the optimist. But these caves outside of those creatures have been empty. There's been nobody around. I'm kind of with Barnabas. I think that these might be ancient leftover trappings of something that nobody's here. And if we have any luck at all, just a little bit of luck, then nobody will be in that barricade and we can just hold up in there. It's probably empty. Let's be honest. The only thing that's in there is probably the...

The what? The what? The switch, the first place that we got to with the switches, that was empty. There was nobody there. There's no signs of life anywhere outside of those horrible creatures. Oh, sorry, it was just you. All cast cure wounds and I will twin it. And I will fire swirl around me and it will change from red to

gold as it encircles me and I'll push it out and myself and Queenie will feel the golden flames wash over. You'll see a smile raise my face as I see this beautiful light. The flame washes over you but you feel no golden warmth.

Do you need another? No, I mean... Death comes for us all, you hear? Death comes for us all. How to share healing energy. Oh, sorry, I'm not queefing. I was talking to that rabbit over there.

Listen, we mean them no harm if there's anyone over there. They've put all this in place presumably to protect against the trolls. Even if there are Dragonborn behind this structure, we can talk to them.

We don't come with any sort of threat. We just come to journey forth. Well, then let us advance, and I can't wait to get stabbed right through my god's damned heart. Let me go first. Yeah, I'll let you go first, Mr. Yorneir. I'll go with you. I'm very compelling to other dragonborn. How about you go behind me? Mr. Yorneir first, then me. And if anyone's gonna get stabbed, it should be us. Should be us.

I'm going to... My eye will flash with blue. I would like to use Detect Magic as I begin to approach the door slowly. Okay. What's the range? 30 feet. 30 feet. You start to walk forward, and you have this second sight. Through your eye, you can see not just...

the non-magical sights that anyone would perceive walking into the dark end of this tunnel. But you also can see if there was any kind of enchantment or any kind of magic, be it a trap or some other thing. And you don't see anything. You walk 20 feet, 40 feet. I need you to make a perception check. - 27. - Oh, man! - 27.

With a 27, I will say that you do not trip it, but you stop and you realize that you were so focused on magical means of protection or defense that you almost stepped into another tripwire trap. You are inches away from two thin bands, one at your head,

knee height and another one just at your eye height. And looking up, you can see another vat of acid. You can look over and you can see ropes connecting additional kegs of alchemists' fire. And you can see that this one perhaps has a third triggering mechanism to something in the shadows, you're not sure. But you stop and you can feel Barnabas bump up against you just for a moment. Hold! Did you hear something?

What is it? Did you see them moving in the darkness? There are war traps. Like, like the same ones? Yes. And others. We're gonna have to be very careful. Is it avoidable? I do not know. We could, is it like, can we step over it or? It looks like, um, it's just as I described. It's at your knee height and it's at your eye height. So if you were to very carefully...

Do this ducking down and get your other leg over it. There's nothing stopping you from bypassing a non-magical trap. I have two fucking Mad Men tusks on my back. It'll require an dexterity check with some form of difficulty class. I see the one that's at, like, Yorner's knee height. I take my hat off and I'm prepared to go underneath of it. Mr. Yorner here.

This may not be wise, but you are able to summon magical creatures, are you not? Oh, shiz. Uh, yes. I may be able to... It may be cruel and unusual punishment for such a beastie. I'm not sure if they can feel pain, but if you're able to create some sort of tough beast and have it run through,

Bambi's mom, go! We used to keep some livestock in case we had to raid a pirate's fort and just let it go. Suggesting he summons a bunch of animals and gets them blown up in the cave? We don't know what these traps do. We're assuming that they're only going to go off where the trap is triggered. But what if it doesn't?

What if we send these things off, it triggers this trap and the entire tunnel behind us explodes, including where we're standing. Wow. That's a valid point. Or if it destroys everything here and there's something valuable that we need. We can't be risking triggering traps. And I cannot call the rains again. And if there are fumes that we cannot escape. I suppose we'll have to be careful.

Oh creature, oh foul Grim, I may meet you yet this day, un-fucking-believable. Can we proceed with caution? Oy. Gonna have to. I think that's wise. I will have removed my hat, and I will try to... squat.

As low as I can to the cavern floor, and attempt to slide beneath this knee height trip wire. Scrim bravely ducks down, and given his height, limbo's underneath the lowest wire. Make a dexterity check. Okay. Oh yeah, great idea! You are very brave, Mr. Stabiscotch. You go ahead and find all of the traps. Shh! That's enough out of you! No, fuck.

I don't think a 13's gonna be good enough. I think I have to twist this. Probably. I'm gonna twist it twice because I'm scared to death. Oh no. I got a 13. You do?

You get a 13. You're all right next to Scrim. Oh no, no, no, no, no. As you duck down. It's just knee height, I can walk under it! And you start to shimmy. And you have your hat in front of you. Scrim, where did you take your hat? I did take my hat off! I took advantage of this. The back of your cuff. Ugh.

Uh, the collar. Bullshit! You feel it touch the rope, and you're unsure exactly for a moment what to do. You pull away, and you hear this, but it does not trigger, and you are able to make your way smoothly onto the other side. Benevolent DM. Whoa! Whoa! That's a little lower than you think! It's just a tripwire. Be careful, guys. Don't, uh, don't pull on it.

And I take a few more steps away, and then I look around me to see if I can take a few more steps away for when somebody inevitably triggers this thing I don't want to be close to. You walk, I would say you could see far enough, even with the dim light coming from where it is, and no other source of illumination. You don't have dark thoughts.

I do. You do? Oh, with the darkvision you're able to splish splish splish make about 15 feet away from the pool of oil that has clearly been poured on the ground right here at this particular juncture. I get the 15 feet away and I look at Barnabus and I look at Yorneir and I step back about 10 feet and I say, "Alright guys, I'll wait over here. Good luck!" And I try to like press myself up against the wall and like... Alright! Here we go!

And I'm just gonna try to be as careful as I can. Dexterity check, let's see. 16. You are able to get one leg over the tripwire, another leg over the tripwire, you bend down and you've made it through this thin threshold, you reach the other side and you start to walk towards where Scrim is. All right, before anybody else goes, Barnabas, quick, get here, come on, there's no traps, come closer, get as far away from there as possible, this is not gonna end well.

All right, all right. It's real easy. All right, who's next? Maybe, maybe, no particular reason. I think you should send Queenie next. Send her through. Just, it's easier that way. I'm not picking, just send Queenie. I just look at Queenie. Just watch your ears. Duck real low. So the only gap is beneath it.

But no, there's a gap above the edge. No, no, no, it's two wires. Like, imagine like the edge of a wrestling ring, but without the center rope. Like, you can go underneath it, you can go through it, or you can go over it. One was, the lowest one was knee height to him, so that's why I figured going under was the good idea. Yeah, I'll go under it. Okay, make a dexterity check. As you carefully slide. Dexterity saving? No, check. Just check, just check. Um...

You are killed instantly. Damn! You get under, you don't feel anything. When you look up, you can see the tripwire is well away from you. You stand and constantly-- My ears droop and I walk through. Yeah, you gotta make sure the-- yeah. Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick,

But, you know... You think they're gonna die? Uh, it's very likely. Death comes for us all, Queenie. I know I said that to you once. And I can't get it out of my head. Lives in that rent-free now. Anyway, good luck! Good luck, whoever wants to go first, you know. Touch in, though, maybe? Maybe, but, you know, we're not picking. Just, you know, whoever, right? Whatever you guys wanna do, whoever wants to go. Well... Mr. Fire Blossom is less flammable. I go forward. Okay. Also a 13.

13 is enough. You choose not to go under what Scrim went under. It's also about your knee. Instead, you, like Barnabas, get one leg over. And then your massive dragon penis. Yeah, you make sure that you're... Dale! Dale went in the very... Cursed with a huge penis. Cursed with a penis the size of yours, you are killed instantly. Woo!

Oh, no! Actually, you do have to hold your tail and make sure that it does not go slack. Which is why I call my penis. Exactly right. Gross. Gross. You get to the other side, and then you lean forward and you tripod for a moment before you constantly walk over to your companions. Oh, gosh. I love them. Awesome powers.

- So the 90s called and won their comedy back. - The four of you are, thank you, waiting for Yornear who stands there, mammoth tusks on back. - Disadvantage in the DC is 25. - I'm not gonna change the DC. - All right, Yornear, just take your time, no pressure. We're gonna huddle together far away, we trust you. - Maybe take off those mammoth tusks.

Push him under or something, buddy. We know he's not going to do that. I know, but I'm still gonna try. I look at the wires, I look at the tusks on my back, I look at just how large I am. And you'll see my whole form glow blue as I shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink down to the size of a spider.

And I looked just like an ice spider from the sci-fi original film Ice Spiders. What?

No way! I really hope Derek still makes you roll the dexterity check. For having spent a resource, I'm not going to make you roll a dexterity check. But very smartly, whoever went last was going to get dreaded on that. So, well fucking done, Nylah.

I'm on the verge of death here. You ice spider your way over. It's a little strange being an ice spider, and it is even stranger to walk in what is clearly flammable liquid, but you goop your way over to your companions. I'll try to go up maybe along the wall. Yeah, yeah, it's easy enough. And you hear a sound. Shoot.

And all of a sudden, Scrim, an arrow hits the side of your leg, and you look down. There's an arrow in your leg. You take seven piercing hits. As you hear a voice cry out, Take that, ice trolls! And Neffler will take a quick break. Oh!

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Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to thecrookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You've been hit by an arrow. And you hear this voice. Take that, you ice trolls! And once I realize and scream, I, like, fall over, flumph, onto the ice. Ah-ha-ha!

Oh, God! We are not ice trolls! No, we're not! I think it hit the bone! It hit the bone! They're talking. They don't talk, do they? I don't know, it's been years. Prove you're not ice trolls! Who just shoots people? Hold still. I walk over to Scrim. Don't pull it out, don't pull it out, don't pull it out. Ah!

I yank out the arrow. Calm down! And I put my hand on his leg where he was shot and I'll use Cure Wounds. If you'd let us approach, you would see very plainly that we're not ice trolls. Do we look like ice trolls to you? You just shot us out of the blue! It's hard to see, it's dark! Well if you don't want an anchor smashed in your skull, I suggest you put down your weapons,

And we can have a nice civilized type conversation about this. Make a persuasion roll. Persuasion or intimidation? Your choice. It feels intimidating. Yeah, I would think. Very cool. It's probably the same. There aren't enough intimidation rolls in the game. I agree. Yeah. I never think of it. Yeah. Yeah. I like try to use like all of the skills. Yeah, history, nature, arcana. Yeah. 18. 18 is enough. Ugh.

We won't shoot. Can you illuminate yourselves? Yes. Pretty cool. You look strange, but you're no eyestroll. How'd you get here? We rode one of them ships until the eyestrolls attacked us and we killed like 15 of them. And then it exploded in a trap, I'm assuming set by you? We are pilgrims. We come from the frozen wastes. The withered lands.

You come from the south. How did you get all the way out here? I can't believe you survived the trolls. There's a whole chasm. You crossed the chasm? Aye. And that should give you an understanding of just who you're dealing with and that you should not want to raise arms against us. Our ship was icebound here months ago and we've been barely surviving. Oh, well... We're just trying to make our way through the mountain just like you. We'll open up the...

A portal in the barricade. You can come through and join us on the other side. But be wary. You be careful. We will...

We're very dangerous. Oh, screw you! Careful, my ass! You watch yourselves. What my friends mean? We mean you no harm. Speak for yourself, Mr. Fireblast. Yeah, speak for yourself, Fireblast. I say we may mean you harm, but we don't mean you harm. We are on a holy quest to complete our pilgrimage. We made it all of this way by our god's grace.

Our god watches over us and will see us through, and we just wish to have passage. Yeah, well, we're on a holy quest, too, to stay here and be vigilant and watch out for ice trolls. I gotta ask, are you also looking for pots? What? What?

Oh, that's pretty funny. I just got that. I'm using my pot scraper voice. Has anybody got any pots to scrape? I just want to slip into it. Just scrape around in there.

No, but-- Oh, don't say that! I am Stompy. You're gonna have to give us a minute, it's... It's tough to get this, uh, hold on! Get over here! Okay. You hear this voice, and it... It sounds oddly familiar, this voice. Oh! It's not a voice that, uh...

I'll wait.

You hear a bunch of pots getting scraped. I must have missed, I don't know what I... You get the sentence! No, I'm saying I don't know what joke you guys make. Oh, he's still on the pot screen. I don't know, it's still okay. The voice... Oh my god, when do they clone Taishan? Sounds very familiar.

And you hear the stomping of very, very heavy feet get closer and closer to the barricade. And then you hear a great heaving, lifting sound as though some huge lumber is being moved aside. It's almost like this crashing sound. And...

Pretty quickly, after a few moments, you hear the sound of this like unshackling chain and metal and eventually a small door to one side of the barricade is opened and you see, you can see light. In addition to the same tunnel illumination that you've become familiar with, you can see the flickering of what is probably a fire. In the doorway,

a figure appears. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust, but you can see that this is a white kobold. Well, you coming? Come on. We have met your kind before, and they were kind to us on our journey. You know the clan of the Frosthammer? The Frosthammer, yes. That's right. And you know how dangerous we are. Yeah, I got stabbed by one of you.

Yeah. Or almost did, I can't remember. It was a traumatic experience. Well, come on. We witness the near extinction of the Frost Hammer. I think back to Secundus and what would have happened if we had not stopped them. Mikey sheds a tear.

I'll proceed. You walk through and you realize that this barricade had been built just before a, um,

another one of these hub stations. Walking in, you can see that this is an outpost, as it would appear if it were manned. There are supply boxes, there is the same structure that you've become familiar with, but it glows with the warmth of what is clearly a burning hearth inside. And turning to your right, you see the large creature that said, okay,

is an ogre. And there are probably scattered another 11 kobolds all standing there, bows at the ready, they've got swords, all of them are on edge as they look you up and down and sort of take you in. You have had quite a journey, I'm sure. We almost got killed by all your tracks. That's why they're there. Have you ever tried to kill an ice troll? It's damn near impossible. Fire.

Acid. Acid and fire. It's been years since any crossing since the chasm was made, but we stay on watch weeks at a time regardless. You may want to rearm your traps if they're necessary. We set quite a few off. We heard the explosion, which is why we were ready for your approach. Has a troll ever made it across the chasm? Has a troll ever made it across the chasm? I don't think so.

Well, I can't argue with that. Sounds about as good of a use of your time as anything else.

Have you ever played, it's a role playing game, you just sit around with your friends, it's called Humans and House Cats, and you just pretend to be humans doing mundane things around the house? This sounds mundane. Yeah, I used to play it with my brothers and sisters. I can't say I have. I like to play a guy named George who worked in an office and he hated his job.

Thank you for sharing. He would drink all night long and try and forget that his life was what it was. You would burp. You would purposely take on this character? Yeah. That sounds very sad. Yeah, that's the point. You're supposed to feel emotions and stuff from it. But at least he had the cats, too. No. Keep an O. No, that's just the name of it. It doesn't mean everybody has a cat. You just never encountered the cats. No, you just look at the cats from afar.

So you're saying you're dicing, eh? Dicing? You're playing games, perhaps? Where are we? Yes, we play games, but mostly gambling and... That's what I'm referring to. This has been a pleasant conversation. May we pass? There's nowhere to go unless you want to walk hundreds of miles. Why set up this barricade here if you're not...

If you're not protecting anything. It protects the network of tunnels underneath the mountains, underneath the spine. Well, how come this, if you're protecting the tunnels, how come this one was destroyed? Wouldn't you want to keep this tunnel active? No, no, to keep the frozen menace, the ice trolls, from taking over the entire tunnel area. Oh, that's fair. Yeah, I should have thought about that. Because there were trolls in that tunnel. They don't come out from underneath the mountains. But they're deadly here.

and it's extremely convenient to be able to travel so quickly. Yeah, now it really was. I suppose if they're all connected, it really is sorted like one big domo. I think that's true. And so if they made it past here-- They'd make it everywhere. Be everywhere. Exactly, yes. Yes. Well, weren't they-- We actually passed a connecting station, or connecting chamber before the trolls. So couldn't they just turn around and just go and find another way?

Maybe it doesn't connect to the larger network. It doesn't connect to the larger network. Well, see? It obviously doesn't connect to the larger network. How foolish. I'm not making sense of this. Do you have any of those vessels that you could loan to us?

The only sled we have here is... And he gestures over, and you can see that there's a full sled, just like the one that you've been riding, which has been scooted off of the main tunnel area. It's unfortunately in need of repair, but the sled will be coming in a few days. Additional reinforcement, some of us will be able to return back to Argentholm, and we'll be able to get some more food and booths.

Arjun home, is that where you're from? That is our home, yes! Is it an encampment or is it... It's a city. A grand city where we all live together under the princess. Uh, how far is it? On foot it is a few days travel. Many days. And a sled it is, perhaps some hours. Did you all invent this system of tunnels and... No! No, no, no. This was built here long, long ago.

I see. So if we're fixing to head towards the city, Arjen home, like you said, would we be able to just take that one since it's broken anyway if we fix it? I don't think that you can fix a sled like that. What makes you say that? It's disabled. You should stay. We can trade. Trade stories and food. Perhaps you need something.

Booze. We need booze. Booze! We can trade for booze. Oh no, we're not gonna trade for booze. You're gonna give me some booze. To be fair, you did shoot him in the leg without even giving him a warning. Thank you, Queenie. I thought that if you shot someone and you thought that they were an ice troll, would you give them booze? How many ice trolls do you see that are barely reaching two and a half feet tall? Three with a hat on. He looked bigger in the dark. Nuh-uh.

I suggest you give me the booze or someone that I can shoot in return. What would you like to trade for the booze? Booze for my leg! No, just no scrim. Don't give him your leg. That can be arranged. We have an ogre. And the ogre's looking at all of you like, You alright there, big fella? Blink twice if you need help. You friends? Yeah, we're friends of ogres.

From Ogerton. Yeah. How do you know that? Tack from Ogerton. For real? Get here so fast, Tack. Ogerton, a dragon shows up and take Tack and others underneath the mountains. Well, well, well. It would appear that perhaps we have an ogre. What? What do you mean? Oh, how the ogre turns. laughter

Hey, Tack Buddy. I missed you. You look, and you actually kind of recognize this ogre. Yeah. This is not one of the ones from any of the houses that you interacted with, but once the city had been reduced to the population that you left, you would have seen at least exchange glances with any of the ogres.

And all of them would have been familiar to you. This is clearly an ogre that has been migrated here and placed here. How you been, buddy? And I'm going to walk up to him and pat him on the leg. Confused. Yeah, me too. How are things going? Oh, you remember when we went on that play? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh yeah bro. You remember the voyages? Hilarious, hilarious. How are these people treating you here? Okay. Just okay? You mean not as good as we treated you?

Now hold on just a moment. What are you- what are you trying to get at? We've been very kind to Tak. I'm just reconnecting with an old friend. I don't believe I was talking to you. What are you saying? A little mean. No! In cage for first few days.

No! No, that was for everyone's protection! We fed you! Do you hear the way they're talking about you, Tack? Wouldn't it be a shame if somebody suddenly realized how much stronger and bigger and more powerful they were than all of these tiny puny little people that put you in a cage? We would never do that to you, Tack! Yeah. Yeah! Yeah! How does that make you feel, Tack? Maybe a little angry?

Getting angry. It makes Scrim a little angry. And I shoot a glance over to this little kobold. Boy, you know what makes Scrim a little less angry? Some booze. Grin.

Why treats Tack so bad? Good question, Tack. Now, just a moment. These are getting out of hand. Uh-huh. Uh, it'll be a booze, yes? Yeah. It'll be my pleasure to get you some booze. Okay. Let me just go back inside. Maybe get Tack a little extra rations of booze. Let's get some booze over here. Let's treat Tack a little nicely, huh? You watch as, uh, the...

White kobold, who Tak referred to as Dren, immediately starts orchestrating the other kobolds, and they sort of see, feeling the shift of the political winds, start to get around, and you can feel them racing back inside, and...

grabbing some of the stock, the things that they have inside to perhaps try to appease the situation. Okay, easy there, Tack. We're here, your friends are here, we're gonna make sure that everything's alright and you're treated well. And I look over at Barnabas and I'm like,

It's all gonna be all right. We're here for you now. Don't worry about it. It's good to see you. Thank you, Skirm. Skirm. Skirm. He like hits you on the head, rustles your hat on your head pretty roughly. All right, let's all just take a moment, take a deep breath, and just be happy we found each other again. Heck, happier now. When did the dragon come? A week ago.

Less than a week after you left. How many did she take? Taken in batches. I was second to last. Many other kobolds, Frosthammers, take us. Why? Why did she take you? Why? Dren, why? Dren steps up. To unite the tribes, to unite Drakkar for its own protection. It's important that we all stick together.

Do they have a choice in the matter? Oh, you done fucked up now! Oh, you fucked up, buddy! You shouldn't have let us in the door, bud. You shouldn't have let us in. Oh, that was my bad, buddy.

I really thought this was gonna go okay, you're fine. I'm going to step forward and kind of unloose the anchor from my netting and just kind of hold it down low with one hand as I step forward. What this young, smart lad seems to be implying is that no less than a week after every single surviving soul in Ogerton

won their freedom from the horrible machinations of beings from beyond the stars. I still don't really understand it. That their newfound freedom was immediately snatched up by a dragon of your kind. Yeah. The princess rules, Drakkar. We were happy to take...

How many kobolds are there? There are a dozen or so, and they're all racing out, and they have bottles with them. And Dren grabs one of these bottles and says, If you wouldn't like mine to drink, I owe this one. And he hands you a bottle. I swipe it. I snatch it from him. And I'm looking at Barnabos. I'm looking at the kobolds. I look up to Tak. I'm, like, sensing the tension, and in this moment of, like,

like relative moment i get a word i look to attack and i say hey do you remember what happened to man manius man you remember what a mammy man is first to go with the others he perhaps that city well maybe there's still a chance that we'll find him i grab him by the throat if that's possible i would say make a attack roll to grab him

I drink from the bottle. This doesn't concern me. And the rest of you, you are also being offered these bottles. Like, they've speared out of nowhere. I would just smell it quick to make sure it's okay before, like, you know, it smells like booze before I, like, you know, take a sip. Make a perception check. Before, you know, Barnabas rips this guy's head off.

Perception? 17. 17. It has an herbaceous quality to it. Very vegetal. I drink it. I get a 28. I think that hits. You snatch him by the cuff or perhaps even just around the neck. You being your size and him being a kobold, you're able to almost completely close your hand around without choking him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, whoa. We helped you. We let you in. We helped them. We had to get them to the city to be protected. Protection from what? There's a war coming. The tribes, they all must swear fealty to the princess, to Sigdis. A war against what? I close my fist a little bit more. Some greater threat coming.

I let Luc- loosen up a little bit. I look at- and look at Yorneir. "Do you wish to live?" "Of course!" "Then you will let us have this sled and we will be on our way. Otherwise, I don't believe I can stop Bar-Nabose from doing what he will do."

Make a persuasion check at advantage. Or intimidation, your choice. I think it's all the same. Natural 20. I think it's plus zero or plus one. Somewhere in my heart I felt someone just win bingo. 20. That's very funny. Straight 20. What exactly was your assertion?

Give us this sled and we will be on our way. Otherwise, I will not be able to stop my friend. Fine. Take the sled. Take whatever you want. We'll be here waiting for our brothers, the Frosthammers. But if you kill me, I will see you again after I see the princess in heaven.

Do what you want. Oh no. I'm tired of all of these false fucking heavens. And I'm gonna like hesitate for half a heartbeat. We are simple, peaceful pilgrims. We'll be on our way. Tak, would you like to join us? I was just thinking the same thing. We need a guide.

We need a guide! Or if we want to be reunited with the rest of your kind as well. That's who. Either way, I think Dak's coming with us. Dak come, yes. Attaboy! Perfect!

You have stolen from us. Stolen the ogre, Tak. Stolen our booze, our sled. The booze was a gift and I'm keeping it. You'll be wanted men. You'll be killed when word goes out. We're just taking Tak back. You stole his life from him. We're giving it back to him! Do you understand that, little lizard man? I understand. This may be the last time I speak to you alive.

You're not gonna make it, are you? And I throw him down. He hits the Slore of Ice with a Sinkening Crack and the other weapon-wielding kobolds, seeing their leader fall down in this manner and seeing him acquiesce, take a step back knowing the odds are not really in their favor. They don't want to have a fight to the death. Maybe if you weren't magic users they could take you down, but with Tak on your side, you're backing away slowly. I'm gonna go to the ship.

Yeah, let's take a look at this sled. Let's take an extra bottle here. Someone keep an eye on them. Taking this right now. Enjoy. Yep, will do. Fuck you too, buddy. Let's go check this thing out. Come on. Come on, Dak. Let's go, buddy. Come on.

And we will go to the ship. Or I will go to the ship. You go to the ship, make a quick investigation check, anyone who is looking at the ship for damages or for areas that need fixing. Natural 20. Oh! 21. With a 21, this feels like it's perfectly intact. What repairs does this need? What's wrong with it? It's gonna explode into acid as soon as we try to turn it on. Nothing.

I was lying. Get out of here. Go on your pilgrimage. And I will have a word with the princess as well. Don't think that I'm afraid of her. Everyone should be afraid of the wondrous princess. I'll step forward for the first time. Your princess spared our lives. We came face to face with her and she did not smite us where we stood. We are part of her plan. And I'm sure you have never been in her wrathful presence like we have.

So I would think twice about what you may plan to say. For if we have her ear, it doesn't matter who you speak to. Then take the sled. Your kindness is noted. And when, and I mean this, when I see her again, I will let her know that you have done us this favor this day. He dusts himself off after having gotten up and... Perhaps you have been blessed. If that is so, I am sorry.

to each of you. You couldn't have known. We were gonna commandeer your vessel either way. Tat, feel free to hop on, Vlad. He gets on there and there's a sickening, creaking crunch of wood and you realize that this sled is almost at capacity.

Not almost the capacity, that's not true. It's just weighed down. It's not gonna be slowed down terribly much. Obviously they were transporting ogres, more than one, through these tunnels. But there's not really a bench to sit on. He seems to know that he just needs to sit on the floor, essentially. And he sits down and you can see his big bulging belly. - I thought that was going somewhere else.

- And then we're all piled on and we hear like the creaking of the wood underneath of our combined weight. I get ready to start moving the vehicle and I think, ah, bad news, Taishan, I think you gotta leave the teapot behind, it's too heavy.

I'd rather leave you behind. Well, that's definitely not happened because I'm the captain, I drive the ship. If it comes to you or the teapot, it's gonna be you. I don't know about that, I got tech on my side, buddy. Did anyone else drink from the spirits? No. Just me. Uh-oh. Roll 9d8 for me. 9d8? Yes.

Well, we don't know what it is. Maybe it's healing. Are you sure? Are you sure? Yeah. Are you sure? Thank you, Matthew Lillard. The food's here, by the way. Let me help, buddy. I'm gonna steal some of these deeds. I just wanna watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna watch Scrim die. Seven, eight, if you don't mind. Please. Nine needed. Yeah, it's nine, so you need two more. I thought you had eight. I think he said seven.

Just need one more. Here. Here. Thank you. Do I have any- am I blind? I don't see them. No. But I could be blind too. No. What the fuck? Here we go, here we go, here we go. Nine ones. It's gonna be the greatest mathematical anomaly of all time. Actually not too bad. Not too terrible. That's five. That's thirteen, which is eighteen. Another nine is twenty-seven, plus another twelve is... thirty-nine. Thirty-nine. What is your current hit point value? You're never gonna believe this.

No way! It's 38. Are you serious? You're talking to Scrim, and he looks like he's about to respond to your last comment, when his eyes just go, and he falls asleep and slams down on the surface. Oh, it's just sleep! He goes unconscious and lands on the surface of the sled. Totally fine. He's dozing.

That could have been so much worse. Do I get the sense that Scream has been poisoned? The empty bottle in his hand hits the ground of the sled, and it's easy to deduce that looking at it, because the liquid is flowing out. It's going, "Dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk," literally just pooling out on the surface of the sled. I could be snoring.

So is it like obvious that he's okay and he doesn't need immediate medical attention? Yeah, I'm just passed out. Yeah, he's just passed out. He went from zero to blackout. Got it. I really thought you were gonna kill me and I cast a stick on it. Slow death metal music starts playing.

And I look at Scrim, and I slowly turn, and suddenly barnacles and starfish and coral grow out of me, and seawater covers on me. You can go! I'm going to turn. Now don't come back! No, that's fine, guys! We've got arrows! You have one chance to convince me, Mr. Yornear! I believe I will do the honors. I see that Scrim's unconscious body and all.

I'll clank the-- Oh, you push into first gear, into second gear, and you start to take off. And as rageful as you are at the deception and the treatment that you have seen to yourselves to tack, to scrim, they start to diminish as the sled starts to hitch the rails, grooves into place, and immediately begins to make its way down the tunnel faster and faster as Yorneir accelerates.

And in a matter of a minute, you can barely see the orange light of the outpost that was inhabited by the white kobold frost hammer. You find yourself alone. I'm shaking with rage.

15 miles per hour, 30 miles per hour, 50 miles per hour, you are suddenly flying down this ramp, accelerating up and up and up, farther and farther north. You can feel that it is starting to turn more and more eastern length via the connection that you have with your staff, for lack of a better word.

I'm gripping it. And the five of you find yourselves still heated from your encounter with the frost hammers. And you... And Taka's there, looking at all of you dumbly.

I would have, as soon as I like, I would probably take like a minute or so to calm myself down. It would take time. Because that's how long rage lasts. Mechanically, it takes longer! Oh actually no, because I didn't hit anything, it would last six seconds. That's right. You eat one grape and it goes away. You fool. And then I would try to like,

Check on Scream to make sure he's... Or no, maybe Yornio's already doing that. I didn't, no. Oh, no. Roll 1d4 for me. Two hours is how long you'll be asleep. Perfect. Mr. Savage Scotch, what are they doing to you? Don't let him talk about my teapot. Leave him asleep. Do you damage him, like slap him? I will slap him and not damage, but if I feel like he won't wake up, I'll start shaking him and just give him a big ol'...

Wallop. If you could roll a 1d4 for me, if he takes damage, he would wake up.

Well, technically... Hell no. It's not worth it. You're like minimum damage open hand slap is like seven damage or something outrageous, right? It would hurt. It would hurt. What he's gonna say is that technically with the sleep spell or sleep condition, it just takes an action to wake someone up. It may not be a sleep spell. This is a custom homebrew potion. Just fucking punch him in the face. Uh...

I think it's five points. Is it five points? My strength mod? One plus six points of bludgeoning damage. Just straight up? You take six bludgeoning damage across the face. Enough to kill an average man.

Oh, yeah, I would almost straight up kill. Your head revolves around your neck like an owl and you just break. Bee's legend has a very important fact. Back to the American measurement system, ogres are distance, grapes are time, so one grape is six seconds. That's right. That's very important for this campaign. That's extremely important. Thank you. You are now going thousands of grapes per hour.

*laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *laughter* *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *Log *L* *

How much of that did you drink, Mr. Samus Gulch? No, I only had a couple sips. Those bastards drugged me. If you drank as much as you normally would, you'd be dead. You're right. I didn't have time. Things kind of got out of control. I only had a few sips. I was saving the rest for when we had our joy ride. Unbelievable. Those bastards. I wonder if the other bottles ain't good.

The bottle that was in your hand has completely spilled out. But you do have the other bottle in your hand. I would not joke about drinking it. I would just look at it and be like, Bastards! Again, and I would shove it in my pack and hang on to it. That might come in handy later. I don't want to talk about it as we're whooshing through this tunnel, the wind in our hair. Speaking of Barnabas, you have to stop attacking people.

After everything that we did in Ogerton! After everything that we achieved, and after all those poor folk were trying to build a new life for themselves, a week-- Now Bonobos is right! Those guys were way out of line! One week! Listen, I feel the same as you, but we don't know where we are. We're heading towards a strange city led by the Princess of Wrath herself! She's pulling together a warband!

We can't! I'm with you! We can free them, we can seek to release them if that's what they want from their imprisonment, but if we do it brazenly, if we come in swinging and we turn a whole city against us, there's no way we accomplish any good. I will stay my hand when there is a horde of thousands. But in a chamber with twelve tiny kobolds?

We could have killed them all in a minute. We don't know what kind of communication systems they have. They surprised us with their ability to travel. You're assuming that the Princess of Wrath doesn't know what happened there already. And that the city we're going to isn't already forewarned of what has happened and the tack we have stolen. I do understand where you're coming from and I feel you in your passion for this. But your rage could cause a lot worse.

If you don't keep it in check. I'll hear it from the princess's mouth herself. And I frankly don't think that the sniveling of a little henchman is going to draw ire upon us when we showed our strength and stole the ship by right of conquest. Maybe not. All I'm saying is to tread carefully.

And I'm with you, if a hundred of them show up and they're all single file, we burn them down! One by one. But in a big open, wide open city, we have to be careful. Find a very narrow mountain pass. Or an alleyway. Exactly right. Or that pass in Sparta, where 300 defended for days against... There was only five of us. Anyway...

I understand. I'm sorry it got a little heated. I apologize. No need for apologies. I just... I understand. We all just went through the motions in Ogerton. We figured it out. And after everything, to be captured and thrown in cages again. It was not our goal to free the ogres. It was not our mission. No, but I do agree with Barnabas on this.

Just because it wasn't our mission does not mean that it's not something that we can't do. Perhaps... Perhaps it was fate. Perhaps it was the land or the universe or the weird setting them on the path to experience what they put their own vassals through. Either way, it's out of our control. Our goal was to remove

the beings from another world that we accomplished. This is a good lesson. We should not accept drinks from strangers. And we should not threaten strangers unless we absolutely have to. We are going to a place that we are unfamiliar with. And the last thing that we need is to arrive there as the enemy. We have to deal with the Princess of Wrath in some way and

Doing that, starting with her ire is not how we want... We are making this more difficult on ourselves than it needs to be. So we best hope that they don't have any way to communicate. I think that even if they do, I've known thugs like her and she may be a very large and powerful thug, but a thug all the same. Dragon? We know nothing about her. She helped us get rid of the...

those extraterrestrial beings that were subjugating the ogres. I mean, sure, she did it for her own purposes. She did it nonetheless. What I'm saying is those who value strength above all, her most loyal warlord could be cut down by us and because we had the strength of arm to kill him, she would welcome us in. Strength isn't always just the strength of arm. That's what I'm saying, that I believe that's what she believes, but I could be wrong.

Oh, he could be wrong. What was it you said, Tack? Huh, buddy? Dragon. Yeah, dragon! Dragon. Sexy. What? Ah, Tack, what the hell, man? Did she put that... A man of taste. Did she put that Ohio Riz on you, Tack? Is that no cap? Skibbity toilet.

Oh no. Geissen up. What? For real, for real, on God? Oh my God, it's spreading. They're all having strokes. That's facts. No, hold on. I pushed back. Tech, what brought this on?

We're talking about dragon. Yeah, yeah, a dragon with large wings, a tail, claws, horrific powers of strength. And blonde hair. What? What? No, no, there's no hair on a dragon. Tall. Pretty. You're like half dragon, that doesn't count. You saw the princess, there was no hair on her. I'm just saying, there's hair on a dragon.

Oh, you don't wink the dragon. Tack is glad you came and saved him. It was boring at Outpost. All right, we're just glossing over the blonde hair thing. No big deal. Fine. So be it, Tack. We're glad we saved you two. Did she have a tail and the blonde hair and wings all at the same time? All right. That's all I need to know. Can you describe her? Blonde hair. Large, long.

Wings. What? No, you just said she didn't have wings. He's in the middle. I'm confused, Tech. Give me a one. Focus, buddy. Focus. I'm going to throw you off this ladder. Tech, can you draw for us? Yeah, do we have any, do we have any charcoal or parchment? Anybody got any charcoal and parchment? I'll pull one out. I'll pull one out.

There's a piece of charcoal. Do you have any parchment? Just do the floor of the sland. Sure, why not? You pull charcoal from nowhere and he starts making some marks and it's basically a stick figure.

It's like what Torbek drew when he thought he was the greatest artist in the world. Oh my gosh, it's a pretty good picture. I'll whip up a tack drawing. He draws what is like a hatched hair. A very voluptuous body, obviously. And that's it. Just those few marks on the floor of this sled that continues to fly forward. You're a great artist, Hek.

Beck knows. I like your confidence, buddy. Shut up, baby. Tack knows. He puts an arm around you. I, uh... Go back and find other ogres. Is she a shapeshifter? Shift...

Changes form. Drag into that. I point at the chalk drawing. Yes. Spoke with the humans. Wait a minute. What? The humans. Uh-oh. In Ogerton, what did she do with the humans? Take with us. I'll go. Were there any that were perhaps too sick to travel? Or too weak? Dak does not remember. You said that she spoke with the humans. Did she...

She appeared in a human form? Did she offer them an option? She didn't... No option. Commanding. Would I know of the shapeshifting nature of dragons? Or of some dragons? Or if that's even a dragon thing? I would have you... I think that you would either know or you wouldn't. I can't imagine that you... If that's something that's true, that people who live as long as you're near...

I would turn to the world builder himself and ask if that's something that is very commonly known about dragons, or if that's something that would require extremely specialized knowledge. I mean, I feel like you...

I'm thinking that a shape-shifting person is the most classic archetypical folklore biz. And I feel like, yeah, dragons would be-- shape-shifting dragons would be something that might not be super common knowledge. But someone like Jornir has been alive for 700 years, I think. For someone with your age, you've heard myths of dragons sometimes taking human form. Like Daphne, right? Yeah. Right. And it's referred to in an almost deific way. Yeah. Hey.

is a powerful dragon, yes. She can shift her form into a humanoid visage. Whoa, whoa, so this is the thing that just, that this happens? Like, like, it's, this is normal? This isn't like, he's not making this up? This is her chosen visage form. It is in their nature. What does that mean for us? Anything? I mean, like...

What are you- what ideas are you getting, Mr. Davos? No, I'm confused! This is the first I've learned that dragons can do this! I assume, like, I mean, if she's in our human form, like, is she gonna be the only human there? It must be easy to spot amongst a bunch of kobolds and ogres and beings of Drakkar. I mean, how many humans have we seen? Just the crew. And the vassals, and like, I mean, they were crazy out of place! Horned ones. What? And brutes. And...

Tall, bald, tattooed, pointy-eared folk. And short-bearded folk. Okay. Why don't you give us a drawing of everyone you just said? He reaches down with the charcoal. And do a height comparison with the dragon. Do a height comparison with the dragon lady. Oh.

Um, he starts to, uh, continue to draw, but he runs out of room very quickly. He gets, he gets, uh, he's making these huge gestures. It's kind of like when you write "birthday" on a banner, and you start off with a big-ass B, and you don't see any... You realize, "Ah, I'm already fucked up, I can't go back and fix it." And they all look like stick figures. Uh, they, they have some general, uh, marks about them that, uh, feel very obvious for someone who would know a given race, like, what is clearly an orc.

Perhaps Goliath, the Minotaur's easy to point out. You make the same connection with the clans that were described to you by the Frosthammer clan that you initially met by Hax when you were on the other side of the world, or the continent, I should say. It does not change a thing. All right. If this is in her nature, it always was. And so our plan remains the same. I do not believe that...

It changes anything. Well, it's good to know she can't sneak up on us. That would have been weird. You know, like, oh, as a human, let's just, like, you know, trash talk the Princess of Wrath in front of her. Oh, no, it's the Princess of Wrath. That would have been awkward. You will know. Well, now? When you see the princess. Oh, yeah, how will we know that? Large wings. Just a couple of reasons bouncing around there, huh?

Crazy. What a timeline, man. Who would have thought? Here under car, just the six of us. I have heard of... Coasting through an ice tunnel. ...myths of shapeshifting dragons. I've never seen it happen myself. I do not know of any additional traits or powers that this comes with. But what it means is that now we know she uses this form to...

conduct diplomacy and so perhaps she will be more open to negotiation than we had once thought. I'll hear out. We saw what Secundus was capable of. There may be a legitimate threat. She may have actually genuinely decent intentions. As savage and violent as she is, seemingly. She could have flown down and...

captured the humans. I say, "Give all the humans!" "Give all the humans!" "Give all the humans!" She could have flown down and just captured them all, but instead she chose to appear to them in their own form and worked with them, even if there wasn't an option. She might understand a larger threat. There are clearly things at play here beyond us. And so I think that this bodes well. Tat!

How did the humans, uh, travel? On sleds, like the ogres. No cages? No. Shackles. Oh, gods! Alright. Thank you, Jack. Blood pressure rising. You've been very helpful, lad. You've been very helpful, lad. This is a nightmare. Why? Why?

I mean, I understand. This is not good. This is not good at all. And it's in this moment, about two and a half hours has passed on your journey, traveling at maximum sled warp speed when you hear a

And looking up, you can see that one of the metal hang, like, ringers that hangs off of the mast has been smacked by a bar just passing through the tunnel. Oh, that's gotta be a signal. Slow her down. You boop, and the handle snaps off, and the jaw gets wider, and you accelerate.

Was that supposed to happen? Sled broken. Scrim said that that was supposed to happen! You have to be fucking kidding me. You hear another bang. They lied about lying! I should have killed them! I would have immediately...

I would throw my whole body, like leap up onto this thing and with whatever nub of a piece is there, I would be throwing my whole weight in this, trying to get it to budge to slow down. It would be like taking your fingers and untightening an extremely well secured-- Yeah, well, uh, uh, secure-- Oh, if it was an orangutan, I could do it.

Now don't start that again. Wild Shape? You've never seen one. You've never seen one. I know how Wild Shape works. You have small grooves. You're

You hear a third bang and you realize two things. One, you have caught up very quickly in the tunnel illumination to see that there is a hub area that you're approaching very quickly. There's only one more of these indicators, these rumble strips, for lack of a better word, to indicate that you need to slow down right now or you will crash into the next of the crossroads.

Do we feel like we'll just keep going on our merry way or do we'll crash into something? Looking through, it's hard because there's only 200 feet, maybe 250 feet of illumination and you're moving so fucking fast that the illumination has not reached the hub. You're supposed to be slowed down by now. This really isn't our fault. I say a lot. This really isn't our fault.

Seconds are passing. Do we get the slot? Time slows down. There's no way. Cast Whale. I think back to the moment last session. You're gonna get catapulted. Oh, Jesus. And I think about all those calculations I made about, wow, it'd be a really idea to shift into a whale right under the mast. It would just snap the whole thing off. It would add weight to the sled. And in that moment, I'll say, step to the back.

And I will walk to the front of the sails and the mast and I will, "All right!"

Do what you're gonna do! In a flash of blue and aurora borealis, I expand into a giant right whale. Do the rest of us die? You burst into a massive whale, and all of you are shocked to see, Tak especially yells out, as this whale wraps itself essentially around the front of a sled that has been speeding up.

50 miles per hour, 60, 70, 75 as you enter this small arena, for lack of a better word, this open space where you are intended to slow down and stop and perhaps change paths. You can see a tunnel whip by you on one side and you realize that you are cascading for two giant doors on the other side. You crash.

You take a tremendous amount of bludgeoning damage, I would say enough to knock you out of your whale-shaped form as you smash into this wall and you burst forward and through and you realize on the other side of this, you are hit with blinding,

- And tons of whale jelly. - Just so much whale jelly. - The lover and magical bones go in all directions as you cascade out into the open space and you realize that you are staring at a city that you are now crashing through.

transformed body of Yornir crashes and crumbles to the front of it. You're all rumbling and writing. All of a sudden, it starts to tip. It crashes and spills in all directions. You are crushing through houses now. One after the other after the other. You can see creatures jumping to each side until you come to a screaming halt. And that is where we're going to call tonight's session. Well done. Thanks for watching the session, buddy. Well done.

I instantly had the picture of them riding the chutes in Boston City. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it, like, kind of cracks a little bit, and they take the photo, you know? A zooey man-genus. A zooey man-genus.

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