Icebound | Ep. 16 | Ending Start
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. I'm Derek Hudson and you're listening to Icebound. Here's what happened last time. Icebound

I don't wanna do it. Do we have to do this? - Yeah, we do. - So start reading the script. I'm gonna go get your costumes from the others up there on the stage. Finally, you must be the five. Stop! A man from all the way in the back of the auditorium. Stop, ladies and gentlemen! It has begun! The lottery has begun! You now see five figures, robed, blotchy skin,

four long tentacles coming down from around their mouths and eyes golden yellow like setting suns. What is this? And is held there before levitating from the ground with these five illipid. The center creature pulls out a dark bladed dagger and with a swift motion slashes outward, cutting through just the very crown of Spolricero's bald head.

He cries out, and his eyes roll up

and his body is turned, rotated, flipped upside down. You watch as his brains tumble out into the air like filling from a dumpling. - What? What is happening to me? What are you doing? - The ogre is killed again, regenerating from its natural regenerative properties, and then fed upon again. It's then that each of these strange creatures' heads turn, locking eyes with each of you.

They silently levitate forward, leaving the brain cylinder behind and float above and behind each of you now, out of view, and you can only look as they...

I'm not really Ogre Souls, are we? No. Nor not, Mr. Fire Blossom. And these brain-eating squidfellers...

We've all dreamed of the library. That's not a coincidence.

I'm not gonna marry you. I don't care what gifts you have, from who. We've barely spoken our whole lives. This is not some game. And she pushes him back. If there's anything in this house that's cursed, it's you. And she pulls out the scroll and she immediately uses it on Tito.

Out! Something transforms in Tito. Everything seems to break out into chaos as Tito immediately pulls his hand back and smashes into Minerva, crushing into her with a heavy blow. She's hit. Oh! No, no, no, no! And he points his wand, and for all of you, Ah, fuck. the pendants, and you fall unconscious and go into darkness.

Uncertainty. You start to peek around and you can see, looking up, the bodies of not just Tito, but also Commodus Corcuscus lie dead at the side of madness. You are but mere insects to us, insignificant and disposable. We have the power to control your every thought and action, to bend your will to our own.

Your minds are open to us, and your fate rests solely in our hands. Do not dare to think of escape, for we will know. Do not dare to interfere with the order we have created, for it is perfection in its design. Your only hope is to comply with our wishes and live out what remains of your pitiful lives here in peace. Sophileth may have other plans for you.

Plans beyond your wildest nightmares. Know this: We are always watching, always listening. One wrong move, one thought of rebellion, and your fate will be sealed. This choice is yours. Choose wisely.

It is late evening on the 23rd day of the 12th month, the night of the full moon. But tonight, if one were to look up to the sky, they would not see its shining face. Instead, storm clouds shroud the city of Ogerton in shadow. The muted sound of heavy rain can be heard beyond the walls and roof of the lavish villa that surrounds you.

Recovering from your fleeting moment out of time and space, these thoughts reverberate within your mind, mind, in, in, pattern to pattern, circles, circles, circles. Thoughts that you did not think yourself. It feels impossible to know what is truth and what is deception, even in your own mind now. This sense of uncertainty is further heightened as you stare stupefied at the confused scene before you.

Two bodies, those of Tito and his father Commodus Gurkustus, governor of the House of Commerce, lay bloodied on one end of the room, lifeless, motionless, save for the flickering light of the fireplace that illuminates their massive forms. At the other end of the room you see a scene of panicked sorrow and remorse.

Manius, the intelligent ogre you have come to know as the governor of the House of Knowledge, rocks gently back and forth against the wall, tightly clutching his crying daughter, Minerva. It's alright. It's alright. It's alright. What has happened during the brief time you were unconscious? What can be done about the otherworldly danger you now know commands and controls the people of Ogerton?

How can you save yourself in such a place, let alone any others? What happens next is up to you. Are we on the floor? Yes, you are prone. And looking up at the scene, the signs of Manius and Minerva...

being appropriate to the scale of the room, certainly, but you can see the furniture is all pushed over, displaced. There's clearly been quite a commotion all around you. Taishen, as you're coming to, you also feel a pretty tremendous pain in your arm.

as though something perhaps happened during the battle, maybe got hit by something. The rest of you are still blearied, confused. It's that same sensation as you first woke in Ogerton, but muted perhaps for the short period of time you seem to have been awake. - What, what? What has happened?

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright. It's gonna be okay. Why did you do that to us? Are they dead? Yes, they are dead. If you mean you used the wands in order to activate your bangles and put you to sleep, that was Commodus' doing. He was seeing that you were a threat to his son. It's okay, it's okay.

Manius makes a motion and sort of starts to get up with Minerva and quickly shifts her to the couch and sets her down. You can see tears in her robe and tears in his. Bloody, but behind and through those tears you see healing flesh almost nearly now totally regenerated due to the nature of these ogres.

What happened here? It all... It all happened so quickly, and I... After you all passed out, you have to understand, of course, we, uh... There was a brawl. I... I had to stop Tito, of course, of course, of course. And I did what I had to do. I defended Minerva. It's all right, of course. But I...

I had to take his life in order to stop him. He was mad, he was crazy, he was insane with rage. I don't understand it, I don't know what happened. He's now looking, sort of 50,000 foot yard, 50,000 yard stare. He's replaying in his mind and he goes quiet for a moment, still processing what he's experienced in this moment.

Is it possible that the madness is spreading? The madness? That could be. I've never seen an ogre act like Tito had in that moment. Minerva, did you do anything other than read that scroll at him? The scroll of remove curse? No, father, no. I didn't expect what happened either. I don't understand it. Thank you for defending me. I did what I must.

I did what I had to do. After that, it was Commodus. He saw what I did to Tito, and it was only because the two of us. Don't worry, Minerva. It's all right. I got the killing blow. I got the killing blow. It's going to be all right. It's going to be fine. This may happen again. Do you understand? How? If the madness is spreading. What are you talking about? She cast that spell on him, and that's what happened.

Why would it spread like that unless she starts casting spells on other ogres? If others find out about this, it could be used as a weapon against your house. Minerva, what made you use that scroll against him? Why would you think to cleanse him or remove a curse? I thought that it would be a funny joke. I didn't...

I didn't expect it to cause such a reaction. I didn't think he was really cursed with anything. I thought that he, uh, that I would just destroy the gift that he gave me, and I did it out of spite. I didn't think that it would unlock whatever was unlocked inside of him. The other houses will find out about this. That's exactly right. I have committed a great sin.

I will never get into ogre heaven now. That's probably for the best. Is there any place where we can dispose of these that's a bit more discreet? What do you mean dispose of them? I know I've created a great taboo here. I've killed two ogres. Don't you understand what that means? Don't you understand I'll never be with my ancestors? I'll never join them in all the great halls? I'll never see Sopholith?

I'm sure that's very difficult for you to process, but we are planning to get out of here, and I think it'll be a little bit more difficult for us to move about Ogerton if there's all-out civil war. Unless... Here's the thing, if they find out one way or another, who are they to say who gets into Ogre Heaven? We are from there directly. You were...

You slayed them in fair combat. You were defending yourself and your family. Yes, yes, of course, yes. You can put in a good word for Manius. No, we will defend you when the other houses come for you. But to do so, you must remove these Bengals from around our necks. The other houses? They may not understand, but I... I...

I can't think of them right now. The scandal that this represents is nothing compared to my immortal soul, my ogre. Nature will vanish into oblivion. I'll become nothing itself and end all things. No, no, no. I need to go to do more, to do more, to contact.

To contact the heavens, to tell Sophilus that this was right, that it was justified, that I couldn't have stopped it, that I had to protect my daughter. Well, to your onyx point here, I mean, you help us. Jotnar. Oh, my bad. I suddenly caught my throat. A frog caught my... Make a deception check. Helping old Jotnar here. I'm good at that. I know I am. Um...

Let me take a look at the screenshot you sent me. You help us by getting these bangles off our throats, then, you know, you're one step closer to maybe that ogre heaven. Deception, you say? Well, I rolled like crap. I got a 12. A 12?

Yes, yes, I am willing to do anything, anything at all to help, to get... In that moment, you hear the voice of Minerva. Father, it's obvious they're lying to you. Don't you see? Don't you see? They're not ogre gods. They're not demigods. These are...

They're not vassals, but they're not lying. No, no, no, no, no, no. They've already proven themselves. I'm sure that the play would have gone swimmingly. I'm sure they demonstrated the ogre's strength. This one, his language is coming back, and they're all, I'm sure, going to have the language of our ancestors very soon. Father, you're not listening. It's...

It's obvious. They're deceiving you, Father. Now, excuse me, young lady. But it is your actions that just caused the death of two people. I think we should be talking about that right now, don't you think? She immediately goes back to the panic and sorrow and guilt and...

Shrinks down. As much as an ogre could shrink. I hate to say that, because I know that your daughter is clearly in despair right now. But as we come from ogre heaven, I think it is important that we shed a light on her sins today. She is clearly not in her right mind, and she is acting out of character. It has been a long day. It has been a...

You think they're lying? I wouldn't lie. I thought... I thought perhaps you've been with them longer. I don't know, really. I... Just... It seems like there's more here that we don't understand. Well, let's all take a minute. What I am trying to say is that if you leave these bangles around our necks, you, your whole family, everyone you know will likely die. What makes you say that?

If this madness spreads and gets out, they learn that you killed other ogres. What's stopping them from coming for you? Do you think you can hold off the forces of the other houses? There will be an investigation. But I do not think they would risk their own immortal souls in order to attack me. It's unheard of. What I've done is perhaps...

The worst thing that I could do in the eyes of our religion, our gods. Yeah, you're absolutely right. They would have a trial if they were in their right minds. Exactly. But did you not just kill two of your own kind? Because one of them wasn't. So you're putting faith that they're all going to be just fine after what you've seen here today. What makes you all think that...

We're going to start losing our minds that this, that perhaps the madness is finally affecting ogres. This is, there's no precedent. Then explain to me what happened to that young boy. I cannot explain it. I have no idea. We... Why did it happen to him? It was your daughter's fault? The same spell scroll that was used on you. It didn't make you mad.

Alright, but I'm trying to think about this from the perspective of one of the other ogres, right? Your daughter did that to him and then he died. They're going to lock her up. You'll never see her again. She's dangerous now. You can't explain how it happened. How can you be certain that it was the same spell that was used on us and she didn't do something to it? I'm just not sure. Now she's your daughter. You trust her. But she's not their daughter, so they won't. I'm not... I need time to think. It's just...

Does everyone calm down? We are quite calm. We're suggesting a very reasonable solution to the problem that you've gotten us all into. Discretion is usually not our strongest suit, at least not mine. But here we might need to put aside punching sharks and punching with sharks and use a little deception and subterfuge so that all chaos and hell does not break loose.

No. No, the last thing we need is deception. He sits and thinks for a long while, and then turns back and starts to re-read through his notes. He starts to turn. He's looking at each of you, and you can see he's thinking as hard as he can, even with the surge of emotion that's going through him. He's trying to rationalize or...

put together the pieces, trying to use logic to the best of his ability and struggling. He seems full of doubt, uncertainty, and an inability to choose to believe his daughter or to hear you, to explore the options you're presenting to him. Minerva sits quietly, waiting and watching, also in many ways in shock.

I've got a potentially dumb question, if you're open to hearing it. Ha, ha.

Yes? Oh, well, we were trying to help you and your daughter by subduing Tito before we were, you know, unceremoniously knocked out. Do you not have your own wand? Could you not have reversed that? And now the wand, you know, that old Gorgustus has is sitting right there, right? There's no time. I reached to my wand. I put a barrier of protection on my daughter so that Tito would think twice. And he came after me.

I was able to subdue him with some of the missiles that I am able to expel from this wand. He went down and then Commodus was upon both of us. I know Minerva, you started to help too. I still believe I had the killing blow, but there wasn't time. It all happened so fast. I could have woken you, yes. I could have, I could have.

All right, all right. I'm sorry. I didn't think I could have used all of your help and your strength if you'd just joined me. I'd like to walk up towards where the bodies are, just a little bit closer to them, clutching my arm. And I just want to take a quick glance. You said that I think their clothes were shredded,

I don't want to get super close and really inspect, but I want to see the cursory glance. - Sort of corner of the eye, like getting a sense of what's going on? - If I get any kind of sense of what it looks like, so he just said he shot him with magic missile. I want to get a sense of if it looks like that that was the case. - Make a perception check. - 13.

With a 13, you look down. It's hard to not turn your head and try to get a good look because of the limited dim light in this space. Even with candles here and a fireplace, they're very much in the corners. And you look down, and it does appear that what he's telling is the truth. There are clearly, like, blasted holes in the robes. There's...

un-regenerating flesh, you know, torn open and seemingly burned perhaps by some magical effect. Even a cursory glance at as close as you are, you start feeling very confident that yeah, this is clearly the effect of whatever spells or magics that Manius and Minerva know. Manius, you brought us out of the cold.

Ever since we've been here with you, you've been good to us. You've trusted us with your family, with your home, like a part of the house. You bear a terrible burden right now. You face a horrible situation. Whatever you think of us, whatever you think of what's happening right now, you can trust that we want to help. How do you think we move forward here?

I think we... I think we make some... I think we make some coffee and we talk it through. We decide what to do about these bodies. We... We decide how to proceed. Whether or not I break another rule and perhaps remove your bangles. What we do about the other houses. What we can do about my ultimate fate with...

With the governor of religion having just recently been replaced, I don't know if we'll be able to get much help at the church, but Taishen, what would you suggest we do? I think that these two are dead. There's nothing that changes that. Something happened when your daughter used that scroll to lift something off of Tito. I don't think that's...

I don't think this is the only situation in which that would happen. I think that should circumstances occur again, something horrible could befall your, not just your house, but this whole place. I think that we're on the edge of something terrible occurring. We've just begun to see the outskirts of a larger picture. I don't know, but...

I think you need our help and I think we want to do that but we can't do that. Shackled is your... Minerva, I am beginning to believe you. It's Taishen, then? Taishen Fireblossom. I have it here. Yeah.

Manius, I'm gonna level with you, alright? This is not my first rodeo. First question we gotta ask here is how long is it gonna be until somebody notices that these two are missing? And what is your real name, Mr. Bone? It's Scrim. We're just gonna get that out in the open right now. Scrim, with two Ms. Don't mess that up. You're eating it like sandwich. You're brilliant. Barnabas! I...

Although I do quite like the moniker of shark puncher regardless. I have punched a few sharks. Speaking of sharks, do you have any sharks nearby we can mix the bodies up with some chum? They'll be gone. You're near. I'm called you're near, yes. And, uh... Oh, my name's Queenie. Queenie Miss March if you're nasty is what I wrote down. Oh, yeah. Are you nasty? Maybe. Maybe.

He reaches down and he attempts to pull out a towel almost as I like out of a habitual gesture going back to when you first met Manius and realizing he doesn't have one just runs his hand over his bald head. Have you been lying about everything? About your ogre nature? Because I would have removed your bangles. Yes. Well...

Not the whole time. I really did think I was Shoggoth of the Blackrock for quite a while there. It really wasn't until today that it had dawned on me that... We were gaslighting Mr. Fireblossom as well as all of you. He really convinced me. I was having memories and dreams. I'm quite persuasive when I need to be. I really could see it, you know? I want to go on record, too, as saying I did not come up with the name Mr. Bones. If it had been up to me, it would have been something way cooler.

That all makes sense now, yes. Hey, Mr. Bones is the coolest name that we had? Yeah, it's all right. I don't know about very cool. I don't know. I think Fiona Smash Mouth is pretty cool. I agree. I mean, it really played into some of the stuff you did in that fight. Give that guy osteoporosis. Yeah, is he going to be all right?

I'm just kidding, I don't care. We need to focus on what's actually happening there. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's just two inches shorter now. It's very strange. It's disgusting. That's normal. People start to shrink as they get older. Yes, well... Father? They're not vassals either. I think we have to remove the bangles and find out more, don't you? I know they've been lying, but I still kind of trust them. They've been in our house as our family, as...

For these past few days, no threat to us, I don't think. No, I wouldn't hurt you. I mean, to be fair, without your prompting, we jumped in to protect your daughter. That's good enough. He reaches down. And step forward, Queenie, please. Oh, sure, absolutely, I'll hop forward. Fiona, I mean, Queenie. And he wands across the front of the bangle, and he murmurs a few words in giant voice.

And like a airplane safety belt, one side freeze and immediately feel the pressure release and drop from the back of your neck and it lands against the tiled floor with a light clatter. Look at how matted down my fur is right there. I'm going to have that ring around my neck for a while. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is there a scar on her neck? She does not have a scar.

You do not see any sort of surgical or wound-like mark on her neck at the trachea area. What you would have heard, Yornir, is release the bangle. Bangle smangle! Like, what could it mean? Uh...

Yep, I'm ready. Nope, nope, nope. Right here. Come on, get this off. We're done. Mr. Scrim, yes? Yep, yep. What do you like, Mr. Buttons?

Release the bangle. I thought it was quite good. Ha ha ha! We're free! Ha ha ha! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course, of course, of course. Click. He speaks the words in turn for each of you. Taishen, he speaks your names. You're near. He speaks your name. And with just a few words, you feel freedom. Suddenly, uh...

This weight drops from your shoulders, not just the pressure on your necks, but you realize that if you wanted to, you have complete agency. If you wanted to, you have autonomy. If you wanted to, you could leave. You can go wherever you want. You're no longer subject to whatever these wands powers may be. You are...

- A brief thought of murderous intent washes over Scream, but he doesn't let the intrusive thoughts win. He steals himself. - Barnabas would definitely notice that and start to feel a little bit like himself. Do these seem fragile at all now that the magic is gone? 'Cause basically Barnabas would

If he got the sense that he could break it in his fist, he would. These are still magical items. Okay. And so you perhaps try to turn it into diamonds. A little bit of blood comes down. Yeah, yeah. It would. It would. And then I just throw it down. I want to scan the room and see if I can see Gorgustus' wand. Oh! Make a perception check. Okay.

I have to go to my Derek messages. Yes. D&D Beyond is down right now, so we're unable to-- It's back up. Oh, is it back up? Yeah, it's up now. 14?

With a 14, you turn and perhaps it's your height, but as you are thinking about this, you are looking at getting up on one of these large Kofa cushions perhaps to sit down, and just underneath, having rolled there to a stop, there does appear to be the free wand of Commodus. You do not see Tito's wand anywhere. I'm gonna head on over to it and I'm gonna pick it up. You do that. That's all. Well...

We're all not feeling any madness or anything. We're all cool. No different than usual. Okay.

Yoner, can you take a look at my arm? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. In the commotion, I stepped on you. What? You stepped right over me. Well, it was a very violent time. That's a bad bruise. You think it's going to leave a mark? It was the heel. It really went in there. I'm sorry. But I was so far.

from everything. I could feel your biceps shift under my foot. You would have had to have been in the action and then come like 40 feet over to me. Step on me and then go all the way back over there. I was knocked back. I nearly fell. I was fighting for my life. You were protecting your daughter. You walked 40 feet in my direction and stepped on me? I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm going to walk 40 feet back? How's that supposed to make

Is this your first time experiencing a wizard battle? They fly all over the place. And they squeak along the ground. They broke down the walls. Oh, did you shatter his wand, too? Oh, yes, oh, yes. And then I made him, in a really cool fashion, slide to the edge of a tower and just hover there. And now your bruise is like being a gold. You love that scene. It smells like iron now. That's strange. It's dull now. Oh.

Well, you're near, I'm fine then, I guess. Bacon! Bacon! You hear him shout out for his principal. The vassal who is head of his house. The sound of the rain hitting the windows, pelting against the surface of the roof of the villa fills the space and you find yourselves the

seven of you all sitting in this reading room waiting, talking, trying to sort out what to do next. Waiting for perhaps bacon to come. And Manius turns. We have much to discuss. Well, given, again, past experiences, I'd say we've got about 16 to 18 hours maximum if we really push it before anybody notices these two are missing. Who knew that they were here?

I wouldn't be able to say. They called upon us. They came here. Tai Shen, those are called loose ends, and we should tie them up as quickly as possible. Oh, okay. I think we move them into the cellar, into one of the cool rooms there, underground, to make sure that they are preserved. We treat them respectfully, honestly. We've never dealt with a dead body before. I can't imagine. Let's go lower than that. Not quite with the respect. Well, yes, with the respect. We're going to go lower, bring him to the sewer.

Oh. Why don't we just throw them into the pit? No, no, no, Bonobos is onto something here. I mean, these bodies are gonna start to stink, and I mean, the whole town is gonna know very soon. Is this a tradition? Is this something to respect the dead? Yeah, it's a tradition called saving your ass, okay? We gotta get on this. I'll consider it. We do bury our dead at sea, and...

Given that the great body of black water beneath the city is the closest thing we have to that, that would be mighty respectful, as far as I estimate. Would we be able to recover the body if we need to give it to the family? I don't know how people are going to respond. I don't want to keep it a secret. No, no, we're not going... They have disappeared and were never heard from again. Perhaps they ran off to...

hunt things and died by a boar. Mr. Scrim's point, they may have told others they were coming here. Their carriage is out front. They're polar bear. They're just out there in the rain. Well, what do those men have? We can burn those, no problem.

You want to burn the polar bear? No, the cabbage is not the polar bear. Goodness gracious. We're trying to keep a low profile. Do you know how loud a burning polar bear will yell? Goodness gracious. What are you, an amateur? It's a very grim Coca-Cola commercial. Oh, my God.

Scream Barnabas, if we were to dump them in the water, we would need to tie stones to their bodies or something. Well, no, you just poke a bunch of holes in the-- I mean, yes, stones would be very good, but no, for now, I think we do just put them in the cellar and then the sewers are backup option. Just while we talk about what we need to do, right? I mean, come on. Well, are we not-- I mean, if we put them in the sewers,

We're not gonna, they're gonna get disposed of. Well, that's what I'm saying, we wait, all right? That's plan B. If we really need to get rid of them, if we need to dispose of them, which we probably will, I need you to stay with me here, Manius, then we'll take him to the sewer, all right?

You all hear this heavy breathing sound and turning to the entrance, you can see Daisy, who's clearly been sprinting through the house, is standing there and she's gotten the largest fuck you two-handed cleaver that she could have found perhaps in the kitchen, maybe from the barn. And she's standing there looking and seeing the scene and seeing you all sitting with two bodies. Uh...

Oh, thank God, Daisy. I thought we were going to have to kill somebody. Zero, come in. It's all right. It's all right. Just come sit down. Everything's all right. We're working this out. I know. I know. Don't panic. Panicking is the worst thing that you can do right now. Just come on over and sit down with us.

And she clutches the cleaver, but walks in and she looks over at Manius and Minerva sitting there, suspicious, trying to pick up on the game, perhaps, just trying to understand what's going on, given the fact that she's never seen two felled ogres in a room before. All right, Manius, I'm going to say this one time, so you better listen really close. She is with us. It's a package deal. Do you understand that?

I remember you negotiated that when, poor Commodus, when we negotiated for you. Yes, yes, yes, Alcatra is a member of our whole family now, just as you are. Well, I guess you are sort of in between. I understand. The point is I understand. All right. She needs to have her collar removed as well. A vassal? Yes. That is not negotiable, Manius.

"Package deal, just like I said. Thank you, part of us." Now I... She is also not a vessel. She is a free woman who can come and go as she pleases. Just like the rest of us. Unlike yourselves, she didn't arrive here. She was in the House of Commerce for her whole life. Oh, that changes nothing. She was born without one of those, and that makes her have a right to live without one of those. "Package deal," as Mr. Estabiscotch says.

Make a persuasion check. I'm gonna use... We have twists. I'm gonna use two twists. I'm like, is Barnabas' brain gonna get fried and turn into a pissing cat? No. No, no, no, wrong. I'm like, how does that matrix add up? Persuasion. 16. 16. Now I've gone quite far.

believing in the five of you. You look different, you have the power of speech. There's no reason. I hear you, but I need more to understand what is going on, what is happening. Help me, help me understand. Why would any of the natural order, for centuries, why would I break all the rules? I can't just give you everything you want.

You've gone far, but I can promise you this right now, you have not gone nearly far enough. And if you want you, yourself, and your daughter to make it out of here alive, you're going to have to go much, much farther. And I want you to hear me, is that what you are up against, you have no idea, you cannot fathom. We are your only hope.

Or you and your daughter will be devoured by fiends from the deep. Make an intimidation check. There we fucking go.

I turn my head into Cthulhu. I hope those are all themselves! Is bread free? Well, split it all in half! That's still, I think, one of my favorite few drama jokes. Okay, I'm proficient in intimidation. I'm gonna use two twists, fuck it, thank you, chap! Thank you, Jed. 16. Wow. Okay. That's fine, that's good. 16 could be worse. Okay, I'm gonna bring out this guy.

"Now listen here, Barnabas! I am willing to hear you out. I know how strong all of you are. Certainly I saw that in the Hippodrome." One of my favorite words. "However, I'm not about to go freeing the peoples of this... disrupt the entire order of things. No! No, no, no! I..." Minerva pops up.

Exactly right! And he stands up. I think that we've made a terrible mistake! Alcatra, get your cleaver! And she... I'm gonna need you to hold on right there. You're near, and I'm gonna hand him the wand. You do it.

Bangle shmangle. You reach forward. And you bangle shmangle, and it clicks, and it falls back behind and rolls off of her shoulders. And you look up into Daisy's eyes, and you see no pupils there. Instead, they are glowing with sickly yellow light.

And you look up and you look into the eyes of Manius and into the eyes of Minerva. And they are glowing as well. Their eyes suddenly thickly. I need everyone to roll initiative. Yeah! Let's fucking go! Not like this!

I am going to use my ability so that we get-- Oh, the, what's it called? The Vagina Initiative, first rank. March of the Hare. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's fun. Oh, I thought it was called I Got Beads. Oh, wait.

Have we had a long rest? No. No, not that much combat. Then no, I don't, because I do not have any spell slots. Holy shit, we've done so much. Yeah, you guys have not been playing Dungeons & Dragons. You forgot that we were playing Dungeons & Dragons. Wait, this was-- It was the Hippodrome today. It was yesterday, but we didn't sleep.

And we had the combat against them and then got knocked out. And we're out for 30 minutes. Out of resources. That's what I got for spell. Oh my god. I always get last in combat, so I have everything. You know, Derek always draws a map. We've taken a short rest, though. You would have had a short rest on your way back from the lottery. That would have been like a two-hour carriage. Scrim cried the whole time. He didn't really remember. Yeah.

Sitting in silence. Fucking hell. Barnabas was angrily craving root beer. He was drinking his root beer. I'm not mad. You're mad. I'm just disappointed. You're mad.

What was that? 13. A 13, oh nice. Yeah. Right, so let's fucking go. This is a nightmare. And we'll go 20 to 30? 22. 22 for Queenie. It's hard to pull.

Plus 8 to a bunch of cards. Yeah, that's a good thing with rangers. And let's go 15 to 20. Oh, uh... I got... A lot. 18. 18 for Yornir. Let's go here. Which means this goes here. 10 to 15? 13. 13 for Taishen. Let's go 5 to 10.

Nine. Seven. All right, warm it up, guys. Come on. I rolled very poorly. This is an adaption to those cards. They're fully over the top. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, we're scrimming right here. Seven. Okay. I got a plan.

I got a plan, Derek. You all stare into the eyes of your, uh, friend, Daisy, and see that she has somehow been commanded, somehow is being controlled, somehow is being puppeted, and she's holding a big fuck you cleaver. You see, you see the eyes of Manius, and his rage being pushed, uh,

in the way that he was by Barnabas is not what is now controlling his actions and neither is the same true for Minerva. You are under threat and being challenged. Response perhaps by the creatures who observe all thoughts and actions in this strange place. Top of the round. Queenie, you're up. I lied about having a plan.

I have no plan. Why won't this music go? Yeah, we can't, like, this is bad. If we, we don't have a way to, like, restrain them, like, they're gonna just send them out as to control them. I don't have a weapon, so... Oh, fuck! You didn't keep your bow? It's been taken from her! It's been taken from me! We haven't had the bow in... I borrowed a bow during the Coliseum match where we had to give all that stuff back. Oh. Well, I'm still in my full costume regalia. Great!

That doesn't give you a weapon. Your costume is made of plastic. I'm glad that you're wearing full of armor. 40% off. Would the needles that Barnabas had requested from the thing count as darts to be thrown that he could offer to Queenie at some point? The needles remind me of- For the tattoos. I was going to tattoo all of us to ward off the ghosts. I will give-

straight needles, but I do not think proficiency could be added. So it would be... - Oh fuck. - Fake out, but just make sure everybody has a fake out. - I would say you could throw it, but it would be hard to hit with and not do perhaps a little bit as much damage. So it would be just 1d4 plus one, I think for darts. I can look it up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It would be for Queenie. I don't know if she's proficient with darts at all. - I'm not. - Oh. - So I'm gonna hop over to Manius.

And I'm going to slap him in the face. Okay. And miss. Snap out of it! What did you get?

Is mine out? 11. Okay, you missed. But you actually do hit. It's easy enough for you to run up Manius and do this. It does one point of damage. It's like punching one of those boxing bags. It seemingly does no damage to him. He barely reacts, and he looks at you with grim malevolence and cruelty. Yorner, you're up. Um...

I will say... Oh, is... Wait, so hold on. Just so that we know, where would Daisy be in the reality... Would she be in the doorway here? I put her where she is. Oh, in the middle, on my couch? Yep. So I did miss, though. You're just flavoring that slap. I'm just flavoring that you slapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a fun trick for all you DMs out there, is that you can say, like, no, no, no, you hit with the arrow. It just, like, bounced off the armor. Armor class. It just didn't matter.

Still having the molasses that I requested.

two days ago now. I will say, we must do what we can to make this as non-lethal as possible, but we may have no choice. And I'm going to swirl my hands around and you'll see this blowing, billowing kind of snow and frost start to articulate. And then I'll blow it out to, let me make sure I can choose. Yeah, otherwise we're all gonna be like, ah!

I cast Fireball. Six, okay, six creatures of your choice. Perfect. And a 40-foot cube, which it should be, yeah, so it's the whole thing. So it's gonna basically, this chill will kind of erupt out of us, or out of my arms, and cover all of us, and around Manius...

Minerva and Daisy, their skin and joints and muscles will start to get cold and stiffen as I cast Slow on them. Oh, terrific. And I will... They need to make a whiz saving throw. DC 16. Good choice. Manius passes with a 17. And

Minerva is slowed. And does Daisy pass? Oh! That's very funny. I suppose I should roll for help. I would know that she's an enemy of yours. I think of her as an ally. But you're right, I need to go get her stat block up. This is really combat music. This is like the Valley of Spirits. This is Ironforged. Oh yeah. It's also in... She fails.

Okay, so they're both slowed. They have a -2 AC and they have -2 on deck saving throws. They can't use reactions. They can only use an action or bonus action, not both.

They can't take more than one melee or rage attack during their turn. If they attempt to cast a spell, it's probably important. With casting one action, they have to roll a d20 on an 11 or higher. The spell doesn't take effect until the creature's next turn, and the creature must use its action on that turn to complete the spell. If it can't, the spell is wasted.

- Okay, so if Minerva were to attempt to cast a spell, she's gonna have to roll a d20 and on a one through 10, she cannot cast until the next turn. - Yes, and at the end of their turn, they can resave.

Okay. You all watch as this slowing effect impacts all of them, with the exception of Manius, who seems to shake it off. And it's his turn, and he immediately turns, pulling out his own wand and pointing it directly at you, Yorneir, seeing what a threat you are and how you've already impacted him.

impacted his allies. It's a robotic motion that he makes. He doesn't say anything, he just points and fires. And in but a moment, you are going to have to... And just while this is happening, now that I know that I can just pick it up and say words in giant and it works, I want to be very, like, listen very closely about the words they're saying to use these wands. Good. Fuck them.

He does speak a word in giant as he casts this spell and you hear it.

Yes, it's got verbal components. So he casts confusion. He says the word confusion. And... Confusion bangle. Confusion smug fusion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. That's where I'm a Viking. And I look at my costume. Nice. I crush it. I just absolutely destroy it. There's no way I don't pass.

- Uh, whiz? - Yeah. - 24. - Yeah, he passed. - He sends these words at you and you like are so focused on your own magics, but you like shrug off whatever hits you. This arcane feeling that comes through, I'm sorry, not arcane, this magical feeling that hits you. And you are, that'll be the conclusion of Manius' turn. He stays where he stands. Taishen, you're up.

Can't we all just enjoy a- Oh no. Queenie, quick, drink this tea. Oh, nice. And I cast...

I'm still coming up with the name, but it's pretty- it's really pretty bad actually, but I cast Dragon's Breath. Nice! At the- at a third level, which will give you the ability to cast Dragon's Breath as an action, which is 4d6. Holy shit! And a 15-foot cone. And it's like repeatable for like a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to hold concentration on it, I believe. Yeah, fuck yeah, but it's good. But yeah, for a minute you can cast it.

Oh, this stuff's real spicy, Tashem. Yeah, it's not very enjoyable, but it allows you to... What? Does that smell like rotten eggs? Um, no, no. But it allows you to speak with the voice of the dragons. Oh, all right.

The spicy curry from Super Smash Bros. Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. That's amazing. That's very good. Actually amazing. And then I'll also just fire off a firebolt at...

Yeah. I guess. Yep. Yep. And fire, just, you know. Minerva has minus two AC. And Minerva, I was talking about the whole time. That was Minerva. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can see that. You can see she's got minus two AC right there. She's turning and being like...

Okay, and that will be a 23. That hits. Land for Damage. 2d10. That's the only way that I have a level 3 spell slot, is because they have that wizard feature on Fortress. Oh no, it's not even Nervous' turn yet. Before Barnabas' turn, I was wondering if I could shout something. Oh.

I'll allow it. Okay. Nine points of fire damage. Nine points of fire damage to Minerva. And she doesn't react because she's in slow motion, essentially. You...

the firebolt crashes into her and sparks and embers fly out in all directions, but she's so focused and intent on completing whatever her next objective is, all that happens is it scalds. And you know that even in this slowed state that they'll be regenerating soon.

That being said, she does turn and start to complete her action, and she also has turned towards Barnabas to attempt to cast a spell. And speaking the words "missile" in giant, she gets a 16.

All of a sudden, five darts of insane energy that you've never seen before flies out towards you, Yorneir, and your, it's magic missiles. - Well, you rolled a 16. - Yeah. - So technically I'm supposed to roll, and if it's high-- - Oh! - If magic missiles can't, oh. - It's slow. - Oh. - So it'll have an extra-- - You roll? - Well, yeah, I could reroll if you, yeah, basically the person that's slow will roll, that's why high is bad for the enemy.

- So 16 would mean that it delays the spell to next turn. - I misunderstood what you were saying. Okay. - Give it another shot. Unless you wanted to take your 16. - I mean, if you roll. - No, no, no, no, no. Let's do it as written. - Okay. - That's the whole point of this campaign. Let's go. - Natural 20.

- Man, we are on fire at this table. Let's warm it up. Let's fucking go. She does this and you can see these needle-like spikes start to coalesce around the glass orb like this and they are turning towards you one after the other and you know that the spell is about to be released but

You're ready to move. - Yeah. She gets to reroll her save against slow. - Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I've forgotten how to do everything. She gets a natural one. - Oh boy. - She's still slow. - So before you go, Barnabas, Scrim yells out. - As all of this hell is breaking loose, I look to Barnabas, seeing that he's just acting more, he's reacting faster than I can, and I shout to him, Barnabas, get the biggins. I'll deal with Daisy.

I'll nod at Scrim and I'll say, oi, that was my plan. And, uh,

With that, I will turn to Manius. As salt water douses me, I'm covered in barnacles and starfish and sea life, and I will just walk towards him very slowly as my skin shifts, and once again, I just get these massive crab claws where my hands are, and I'll say,

No more games, no more acts, no more lies. All of us are born free. Free, every single one of us, and some don't believe it. Some try to take it away, and if anyone tries to take away my freedom, I will not hesitate to take theirs. And I'm just going to go fucking ham with my crab claws. - You can move up to Manius, yep. - Recklessly. - Manius is...

That will... the first one will hit. Ooh. Nine plus eight is... 17. Yep, AC is 15 for both Minerva and Mania. And then I'm able to... oh man. I'm able to attack... I have two attacks, right? Yep.

That'll hit, and then I'm going to just see how claws work. Okay, so three attacks. So then I roll, sorry about that, one, two, three. Okay, could be worse. Eight, nine, plus 21, 30 points of slashing damage. - Sweet. - As I am just tearing into

mani-ass with my big ol' crab claws. You do that and you are pulling strips of flesh down and away through his already tattered robes and blood is spilling out. It's a violent scene and he isn't screaming. He is the

The man, as you know, distant and far away, he turns and just immediately looks at you with these eyes and starts to go in towards you. - Do I get the sense that this is, that the thought eaters, the squid faced fucks are seeing through this? - Making intelligence check an advantage. - Yeah, I'm trying to keep all of that knowledge out of my brain right now. - But like, given the sense of what I would think an ogre would be, wow. Intelligence is straight intelligence.

- Is 19. - With a 19, I'd say the answer is absolutely. You get a sense that there is something controlling Manius. This is not the person you were arguing with but seconds ago. You had your disagreement, but for them to immediately go into this after everything you've been through, after everything you're talking through and the nature of their motions, expressions, and reactions to this violence, it's like they're someone else.

As I get that realization, I stare into his eyes, after just tearing him apart and getting no recognition of like an ogre. I'll just nod and I'll say, "Oy, hello beasties, we're coming for you next." As I start to like, get really fucking amped up.

Scrim. After shouting to Barnabas and him doing his thing, I turn to Daisy and I start to wave my hand and I whisper under my breath, please, whatever you are, please don't hurt her. And I cast Hexblade Curse on Daisy. And then without summoning the Brutal Blade, I immediately run at Daisy shouting, uh,

For all that's good and our pretend fake marriage, I hope you forgive me! And I throw myself at her and I try to headbutt her as hard as I possibly can. Okay. And I'm also going to use Fury of the Smalling. I'm intending to knock her out. Okay. I'm also going to twist this. I got a 19, which with Hexblade's Curse counts as a critical hit.

- Critical headbutt! - I am not using, but the problem is I'm not rolling any dice. So I don't know how that affects my unarmed attack. - You would double your fury this small. Or is that just, is that also flat damage? - It's also flat damage. It's all flat damage, unfortunately. - So technically it doesn't mean anything unless Derek wants to double it. - Unless Derek wants to. So what I would say is that I am doing 12 points of unarmed strikes damage.

but I technically scored a critical hit with my immensely dense goblin forehead. And the question is whether or not I would rule that the hexblade curse? No, I just wanted to note that I scored a critical hit, but I don't get to double anything because I'm not rolling any dice. There are no dice. So the question is, would you rule any extra damage given that it is a crit? I'm just letting you know I crit.

And I did a total of 12 unarmed strike damage because I'm trying to knock her unconscious. Even if it means suffering. He did 12 without manipulating anything. It's all flat damage. I don't get to roll any dice. So I just want you to know that I crit. You can think about it. I'm all in over. If I suffer a goblin concussion from my fake wife, you're so bad. But that's my whole turn. But I am attempting to hit her. I jumped on her and I headbutted her because she's taller than I am, you know?

She definitely wears the pants in that relationship. What's the math of getting... So it's, uh, the unarmed strike is three because it's my strength modifier, which is nothing. Okay. Three more for the Hexblade Curse. Okay. And then six damage for Fury of the Small. It's all flat damage. Okay. I'm gonna say the Curse and the, um, Fury of the Small don't double. But I'm gonna double the unarmed and give you an additional three damage. Fifteen shows. For a fifteen because it's a crit.

And if I can, I'm like, I grabbed her by the shoulders. Okay, you do 15 points total to Daisy. Yeah. And you...

- Like a coconut, and you hit her directly right in the center of the forehead. And she reacts, she pulls back, and you hear no sound or anything like that. Not that she would if she had a voice, perhaps, given the strange possession of these people. But she holds her head like this, and you can see her pained expression. She closes her eyes, rubbing her forehead,

You nearly knocked her out. For the entire time that I've been running Daisy, she's had 16 health points. And at one hit point, she opens her eyes and you see Daisy's pupils there. She is looking right at you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! That's my whole turn. And she's rubbing her forehead like this, just clearly a headache. The cleaver falls to the ground and she passes her turn. You knocked some sense into her, literally. Let's fucking go. Well fucking done. Top of the round. Queenie, you're up. I am still staring up at...

And I've just finished drinking the tea that Taishan gave me. And I'm like, I'm gonna... And I immediately just burst fire all over. Taishan!

What the hell did you give me? I'm sorry, I must have rude to it strong. Oh my god. It's not supposed to be premature. Oh, it was premature already. This never happens when I cast a spell.

I think it's a dex save. So it is a dex save, it just hits. Jesus. It's his dex save, it's also a 15-foot cone. You can get 'em both, for sure. So you can get 'em both, absolutely. Yeah, I can get 'em both. You would roll-- So funny enough, in my head, that was gonna be a burp, but for whatever reason, it naturally came out as vomit, so. It's a really spicy pepper, if you've ever watched one of those. Well, that is a spicy pepper.

- I got some meat balls, yeah, zooks! - Mania's a dex saving throw and he's not at disadvantage because he is not slowed, so he gets a 13.

15 is the dex save. He is on fire then. And also her, she also has to make it. She's not as advantage, she's minus two. Oh, just minus two, thank you. And you roll 46. And she actually fails even harder given her slowness. So both Manius and Minerva take whatever fire damage they're about to take. A wise man once said, fire, good. Fire indeed.

Please, your destiny, Queenie. 18 points of damage. Oh!

Holy crap! That's pretty good. And that's a bonus action. No, no, no, no. That's an action. Oh, it's an action. It's an action for her to cast. It's a bonus action for me to cast to give her the breath onto someone. Okay, okay, okay. So it's perfect if she doesn't have a weapon. That's amazing. Minus 18, minus 18. That was almost Felix's go-to spell, remember? Yeah. I used Dragon's Breath, and I changed it to Flaming Orb instead. Yeah.

i think he used it on toa right yeah hey great you can just like running around like torching crap oh man i wish we still had those videos

Hey, man. Hey, Grim. What's up? Oh yeah, I forgot that we don't have the session zeros for breathing dark wing, do we? That's very sad, very sad. Lost the ages. You see them again. They are taking normal damage, but despite their change in personality, they still have these physical forms and you are taking them down. That's the conclusion of your turn, Queenie? Yeah.

*Grunts* Your turn. Oh, this is already my turn, that just flew by. I have molten vomit on my coat. I was not expecting this. Um, I could Animal. You know, have you ever thought, just animal-ing? It doesn't feel appropriate to Animal. Poof! Gorilla! *Grunts* No, it was basically just a minor Yeti.

Do I see that Daisy is back to normal? And she's like clutching her head? She's clutching her head and I would say make an intelligence check at advantage. Or a perception check, your choice.

Only perception is 28. 28. She's now doing this with, it's not just the pupils. She is behaving like Daisy and holding her head and like pointing at Scrim who's like already apologizing. I will go up to her seeing that she has a pretty bad wealth.

- I'll say, we need you further from the brink and I'm gonna put my hand on sort of the side of her head and it'll kind of glow with the warmth of the hearth as I cast Cure Wounds on her. - Well, that's very nice.

She is on the brink of death and or KO. That is seven points of healing. I have a mighty goblin skull! She's feeling very eight. She's feeling very eight out of 16. And she... Thank you. We need you alive. That brings us to Manius' turn, and he's going to...

He's going to turn and he's going to endeavor to cast the same spell that he sees his daughter casting. And he is able to speak the words missile. And with his action, he points and you can see five of these all emerge. And each one...

fires out at each one of you. One with the exception of Taishen, which will go to Daisy instead. Since it's just a thing that happens, I believe that I just have to roll damage, correct? I shield. Oh, yeah. It automatically stops it. Very cool. Very cool. Okay. But that is one of my only two spell slots. That's a big resource. Um...

But it stays up. Yeah, I'm hoping I also soak my Herbaceous as well. Here's Yorneir. It's one for each of you, except he's choosing to hit Daisy instead of Taishan. 15dBeyond is down again. So that's going to be four points of damage to you, Yorneir. Force damage from the magic missile. Oh, wow. Okay. Can I see a dry erase just so I can keep track of it? Of any levels? Queenie, you take... That's an alcohol marker. Uh...

Oh, these are not D4s. Why am I rolling this? Okay, bitch. I'm not the bucket, okay? Why am I rolling D12? Four points of force damage to you, Queenie. For the record, I realize shielding this is really terrible, but I had to do it because nobody ever cast Magic Missile. I'm required. Oh, no. And if anyone attacks you, it's perfect.

And the final missile sails towards Daisy. And she's still rubbing her head like this. And when she sees this impossible magic flying towards her, she goes, and a shield emerges from nothing, nowhere. And there's this explosive...

pop sound. And everyone is knocked back five feet by this strange concussive force from nowhere. What? The ogres are themselves knocked back. Everyone falls into a daze as Daisy experiences some strange shift, some strange change in her. And she's holding her hands up.

Everything goes silent. All that can be heard is the rain against the windows and against the rooftop. Both Minerva and Mania slam against the back wall, sliding down and immediately looking around with the stupefied, strange, confused look on your face. You imagine you had not 15, 20 minutes ago, their pupils back to normal. What the fuck was that?

What the fuck? Oh my god! I'm going to swing in with my... I will have taken with my crab claws. I think I had a big prop shark. I was hoping to just swing in and take the wooden shark and smack him across the face. I'm attempting to knock him out. Roll a hit. I'm recklessly doing it. I want that. That'll be a natural 20.

And would you rule this as a great club or a improvised weapon? It's a great clubbit. Okay. These are beefy fucking ogres. You can't kill them. He'll survive. I think it's 1d12. We're not 7 yet, are we? No, 6. Yeah, no, I wish. It's 1d8. I'll take it. So that'll be 2d8.

Plus your rage damage. Oh yeah. Plus your nautical damage. Plus your strength damage. I'm like laughing as I've yanked out this giant shark prop. Oh man, that's not very good. 4 plus 7 is 11 points of bludgeoning damage. That's way below that move. Yeah, that's real bad.

You smack Manius very hard across the face. Any commoner in any normal village would be killed instantly. Their heads would be spinning around like a turd screw around their neck. But given Manius' great size and ogre endurance and stamina, you smash into his constitution, I should say. You smash into him. Oh, what the fuck? The shark snaps in half. And I'll say, have you learned your lesson? I got one more shark laugh. Stop it, stop. Oh, stop.

Oh, what's happened? What? Oh my goodness. What? Where are you? Minerva, are you okay? Yes, yes, yes. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. What? What? What's going on? What is the meaning of this? Yornir! Dijon! Queenie! Do you have no recollection of what just transpired? No, we were... We were... Think. We were having a... We were asking us to...

You were asking us to free the vassals, to free Daisy. How much time has passed? This is very odd. About a minute and a half. Your benevolent ogre god decided to take the reins, so to speak. What?

Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I puked fire all over you guys. It was really Tyshen's fault. What? Uh, uh...

I have no control over you. I stop concentrating on the tits. Did you put Serrano in that? No, it was something else. He got it from the boat. It's Barnabas' fault. It lately scorches the fresco feeling of this room as you dulse in flame into the Street Fighter II style into the ceiling. There are abominations beneath the city that are controlling your minds.

And they have some way to do so, even without the bangers. There's really no other way to say it. And also, has Daisy always had magic? Wow, that was a shocker, let me tell you. Did you transfer it to her when you smashed your head into hers in some kind of marriage ceremony? I mean, maybe. Maybe it was some weird magic osmosis. Wow. We should try that more often. I don't know. Maybe not until tomorrow. Monsters, you say? Yes. Underneath the city.

Die. How? How? What does it all mean? This is crazy talk. This doesn't make any sense. If we are being honest, we should just tell them. I mean, how are we going to explain what we saw? I mean, nobody's going to... I don't even believe what we saw. The lottery is not the lottery to go to Ogre Heaven. It's the lottery to have your skull removed and your brain devoured by...

Squid-faced, monstrous beasties. See, it sounds absurd, right? It sounds absurd, but trust me, we all saw it. You are cattle. You and all of your ogre kin are cattle to these beasties as much as you have turned these poor people into your cattle. You have no more freedom than your vassals. You understand? The vassals, they are part of the family. They're free to do as they please.

I know they have their bangles, and sometimes they get a little sassy. Fuck this guy! But it's not the same as cattle. If they can't leave the confines of this valley, they are not free. And if you can't leave the confines of this valley, you are not free. You are literally livestock.

Maneus. Eden! We could prove it to you. We could take you to the waterfall. We could take you even into the sewers under your own home. Show you the network of tunnels.

Where they operate. Let's start again. I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense. We ogres have been living peacefully here for years. Our ancestors found this town and create a paradise here in the mortal plane so that we can learn.

And you're telling me that there are monsters that have somehow infiltrated and remove our skulls from our heads and that they have strange, whatever the, whatever squid is, strange appearances, monsters. It's outrageous. I must truly be mad. First off, yes. Second of all,

"Yes. Third of all, that's what you think, but all of this was not started the way that you think that it was started. I would bet every penny I've ever made. Copper piece I've ever made." "By Sophilith, this is extreme. I--" Oh, also, Sophilith isn't an ogre god. Didn't you think it was a little strange that the name Sophilith didn't sound very ogrely and instead sounded a little bit more squid monster-y? "Yeah, that's about as ogre as Mr. Bones is."

Minerva, you were so perceptive before. Does any of this make sense to you? She's holding her wounds and shaking her head, but she looks up at her father and... I think we have to at least hear them all out, just to have all the information, and then we can decide for our own, Father. I feel that they're telling the truth, or at least they think they are, and...

We just lost ourselves. We just lost ourselves from something. What was that? Maybe this will help you understand. When I first came to the surface as a young lad, I had my first taste of beef. The surface? From under the city? No, under the sea. The what? Under the sea. Downward... Why did you hesitate?

I couldn't. I couldn't. Well done. I couldn't. I couldn't. From under the sea, I had...

my first taste of beef and my first taste of cheese. And it was unbelievable and I asked the innkeep where he found this just delicious nectar of the gods. And he said from the Jolly Rancher. And I went to decide to get my own beef and I went to the Jolly Rancher and they had a slogan and it was happy milk and rather the best milk and the best beef come from happy cows.

You understand my meaning. Oh, that's very poignant. My goodness. I need to start writing this down. The best milk, the best happy cows. Okay. Damn it, Manius. You're not paying attention to anything that we're saying. No, no, no, no, no. It's a metaphor for you. You are the happy cows in this instance. Do you think that life would be this idyllic in any normal city? Have you ever been to any other city?

Some people have it quite nice, but most of the people have it shit. There's filth, there's disease, there's poverty, there's the scum of the earth like me down by the docks getting into bar fights. And there's none of that here. It's all perfect and angelic and you get to go to heaven. Do you understand how absolutely insane you sound, not us? I never really thought of it. No, this is...

That's all I've ever known. It is strange to think of other cities, to think of other places beyond. It's all you've ever known. And just like water, when it doesn't move and change, it grows stagnant, and that's what's become of you. Soft and weak. More pathetic than any ogre I've gotten in a fistfight with. What else can you tell me about the...

The world. These monsters. Well, it's definitely worth mentioning that they claim that they can listen to us at any time and read all of our thoughts all the time around the clock, whether you're sleeping or awake. So I'm sure that they're being aware of what's going on right now. Even after what happened with, you know, this instance. They're listening to everything we say? Allegedly. And the lottery, it's not... There's no heaven. There's just eating. There's just... There might be heaven. The fiddler's green.

Thashen? Why Sothlis?

Where? My wife. My three children in the cellar. Them? Them? Them too? The dozen vassals in this house? This very house? Any of them? They could come and kill us at any time? Yes. Allegedly. Allegedly. You, Minerva. We saw them all controlled at the lottery. Daisy, all of them. You all turned against your will. You have no recollection of it. Well, how did...

How did you save Minerva and I? She did it. I'll turn the game over. Have you ever done that before? No. I have a real bad headache. That makes two of us.

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a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies, like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Don't you remember? I was asking Queenie and all of you how to make magic myself. This is... Do you think that maybe it's... Well...

My bangle was off out in the woods before, but you took it off just before we changed. Is it possible that that's what's happening here? Oh, and Yorneir was inspecting her. That's right, you wanted to take her. How do you inspect her? I want to basically, like,

Look into her eyes to see, because that's where I saw the glow. But then I also think back and remember the pains we felt in the back of the neck. And I want to look in her ears, too. Any basically access point to the head, maybe like the back of her throat. I want to just sort of look to see if I can see anything that's off or any evidence that there's something in her brain or in her head that they're using to like... And maybe they're just using the bangles, but I...

Took the bangle off, but it didn't stop it, but she had already turned, so I was trying to see if I could see anything that's out of place. You already specialized as an ENT in Druidic medical school. I was going to say the family physician, right? Like, all of a sudden, ah. He's the medicine man. You feel that nub in the back of the head. You see the scar. It's still there. It looks unchanged. Make a general medicine check.

Look, you can inspect all you want and maybe you'll find something, but I'm pretty sure that I'm the cause of this. I think I did it. I'm just going to say it. It was a magic headbutt. That's what it was. It's not as crazy as any other explanation. It's unlikely. Uh...

Shut up, Scrim. 23. 23. There's no physical change in Daisy. She looks and appears to be the same, with the exception of perhaps the red welt that is now emerging on the surface of her forehead. She's giving it attention, but it looks no different than what a welt would look like on any other forehead. Seriously, Yone, in a more serious light...

I mean, yes, I did some questionable things with my signature to get my powers, but I mean, it was a flip of a switch and they suddenly appeared. It was very much like lighting a spark, right? That's kind of what happened here. Isn't it possible that suddenly magic could just become awakened, right? That's what happened for me. Daisy, what did it feel like to draw on that power? Where did it come from? It felt like...

As if you had another arm. You never knew it was there. And suddenly, that you could feel it, that you could reach out, it's hard to describe. Well, either I knocked something loose, or maybe when those things invaded her brain, they made her aware of something, inadvertently. I still feel that arm. Try and do something.

Try and Polymorph Scrim! No, no, no, do not, no, no, stop, Ty, shit, do not do that. No, try and Polymorph Scrim! That's not a good idea, though. Turn him into a dragon! We've been talking about Polymorph for quite some time. Oh my gosh! It'd be nice to see! If it happens! Let me try something else. And she goes over and she walks up to one of the corners and there's a bust.

Mariana, Nannius' wife, there. And a heavy stone like this sitting on a pedestal, surprisingly one of the few items in this room that hasn't been turned over or damaged by the chaos that's happened here in just the last few hours. And she pushes back and turns just a smidge.

Holy crap, that's a 7-level spell. Now don't hurt yourself. That was pretty good. It hurts a little to use.

It's also a third level feature for some classes. That's mechanically broken! Does it hurt your mind? Manius and Minerva have stood up, and Manius is observing the conversation that you're all having, and it's evident that it's hurting her at this point to use, but in the back you hear Manius' voice. You can speak to the vassals?!

How do you communicate with them? They just gesture all around and listen to what we say. What are you doing with Alcatra here? This is all so much to learn all at once. I don't understand it. I'm sure it is quite a bit to take in. But we don't have time to catch you up, unfortunately.

"What we have learned is that your captors, our captors, can listen to us right now. They can just remotely take control of, I suppose, all of you. And that we're not safe no matter where we are." "If what you say is true,

We have to find safety. We have to protect our family. We have to try and vanquish these foul monsters. I don't think it's going to be that easy. There's really nowhere to run.

And if they have complete control over our minds and ultimately our bodies, then we can't physically attack them at will. Well, they haven't demonstrated that they can do that with us. And they only stopped us by the power of the bangles before. That was the only way we couldn't approach them. I think that we need to get our stuff back. I need my teapot. I need my pipe. Quinn, your bow. Oh, yes, are you...

Yuki, you mean the tattered robes that we found you in? Yep, check your notes about when you found us. Fucking brilliant. Wow! Well done, Mike. God, I never thought of that. Joke's on you, I have a knife. Go an ambulance. But not for me.

One moment. This is when we come to find that he just doodles in the book. He just draws like... It's like a veenie. Yeah, yeah. I really got the veenie right on this one. No, no, it's not what you think, it's a tower. Those are shrubs! Those are shrubs, I swear! In the combat, I bit so hard on the prop pipe that I just completely splintered it. I'm like...

"Oh, uh... yes, I can't believe I've read my notes over hundreds of times. I can't believe I've skipped this page before. In my writing it's anchor, some monster heart of some kind. Fascinating." A spiral shell. "A walking stick, a shell of some kind. Yes, yes." My space box!

Oh, yes, there was a spice box here. My teapot. Oh, yes, a teapot. An herbalism. Nice. A flower seed pouch. Daggers, fishing tackles, mess kits. Okay, you don't need to read everything. 150 feet of hempen rope for some reason. Well, hold on, all right, because I woke up, I was both dead gustous. So where's my stuff? Oh, well, we... I suppose we would have done something with it before...

Sending you on your way to-- Hey, now, I didn't have a lot, but it was very important to me. Very important. How many did you have? Well, it was a lot of gold and also a lockpick set. Oh, yes, there were some tools here. And a flask, like a great leviathan.

I have just flasks written down, all in one. I imagine I-- If there was a single gold piece missing from those gold pieces that I had-- He knows exactly how many there were. Yeah, it's gonna be your head, all right? He'll tell you right now exactly how many there were when you captured us, right now. That's exactly right. Do you suspect that the monsters took your things? Hold on, I didn't finish telling you how many gold pieces there were.

He's about to do that right now. 53,468. 53,468? That's almost half a chest of gold pieces. Yes, and I brought, I drug the whole thing all the way here, so you better have every single gold piece. You're exactly right.

Well, if we can't find your things, I'm sure we'd be happy to compensate. Scrim has a huge coin purse. Good, good. It's massive. Good. All 53,000 gold pieces. Okay, I'll write it down. Sucker. Wow, that's way more than I thought it would be. If it is too much to carry, we could take a conversion into diamonds or other...

rare gems as well. And anything that's valuable from the bistro that we might not be able to get anywhere else also. Have some Gruyere cheese. That'll keep. Maybe some Dijon aioli. All right. I don't know what Gruyere is. We only have Havati. Oh. That's Erica. That's not part of us. Oh.

"Oh, I want to agree, yeah. "Well, I need to get to my warding practices." "Do what you must, but--" "Oh, do you have any seal oil?"

I don't know what a seal is. All right. Whatever kind of fat you have. Polar bear? Yes, I imagine we have some. You'd have to ask... Bacon! Bacon! And it's at this time that the principal finally arrives, and he seems to have been very busy with whatever he's been talking to the other vassals about, but he...

"Bacon, Bacon, we have much to do, pay no attention to the dead augers in the corner. "You have to understand, a lot has happened. "We've learned so much, and we must-- "we must maneuver. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Yes, yes, you're thinking that we should-- "Oh yes, yes, yes, of course, of course, of course, of course.

"Bacon, I need you to get all the provisions you can. Anything that can be stored in the carriages. I need you to, uh, well, we have a third now. We need all the heavy weather clothes that you can get. We need all the blankets that you can assemble. We need everything that you can... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You're reading my mind, Bacon. We're going into the madness. We're leaving Oakerton."

Well, there's only one way for us to make a plan and figure out what to do is if we escape. If we go out into the mountains and find our way there, we might be able to come up with a way to fell these foul beasts. I just want to reiterate that they specifically told us that we shouldn't try to run or organize a revolution or anything along those lines. So...

They probably already know and we may make it as far as the polar bears before the polar bears turn on us and eat us. I just want to throw that out there. I'm willing to take the risk.

The very survival of our people survive depends on it. It's crucial that we get away and perhaps beyond the pool of their powers of control. All right, all right. You tell Bacon, you keep giving Bacon some commands. We're going to have a quick sidebar, all right? It's about the dead bodies, nothing else. Don't worry about that. The bar isn't here in the sitting room. It's just across the hall. Oh, oh, oh, Manny, it's you. Ha, ha, ha. Come on, guys, quick. Ha, ha.

Okay, come on, go ahead. Perhaps we do it in the bar. Okay, we'll actually have a little sidebar. By the fireplace. Daisy walks out of the room and goes immediately to the bar. Okay, we follow Daisy. Okay, here's the thing, all right? I'm all about making an escape here, and our best bet is probably sticking with Manius and Minerva, but what happens if we get beyond the walls of this place and all of a sudden the horrible creatures turn off all the intelligence?

We're fucked! Absolutely fucked! No, we knocked them out and we tied them up in restraints that they'd be able to eventually get out of and we leave. We know that we were far from here. I think we were at least decently far from this place. And Manny has showed up with his full intelligence. Oi, they said we were. As long as those creatures allow it, is my point.

We just don't know what they are capable of! Well, but it was broken from Tito by a spell. So maybe it's something that lingers on them without having a persistent contact. I hope you're right. I have an idea. If you say "Bangle shmangle" on Bacon, and I throw a wooden shark at him, we might be able to test something.

Does it need to be a surprise? I think so. He needs to be genuinely scared for his life, I would think. Oh, definitely yell something like "Bacon, you're going to die" when you throw the sharp metal. No, why don't you do that while I throw the sharp? Oh, done. This is gonna be great. As soon as the bangleschmangle happens, all right? And I'm gonna like-- We just walk up like sort of subtly as they're speaking and then just right out of nowhere we just go in and do it? Aye, I like that. What are you trying to test?

I'm trying to see if he has the same capabilities of, not Honey Daisy. What if he doesn't? You're going to throw a shark at him? It's not that heavy. I mean, now this is... You would instantly kill him. Wait, this is a thresher shark. It's not, it's only a wee thresher. It'll be fine. I bashed the bull shark onto Manius and he's fine. Manius is a large ogre. The thresher will do nothing to him.

We are at the point now where we are not safe anywhere near here, and I need to rest. I believe Rainy and at least some of us feel the same way. What I'm saying is that if we can... I think that we should do this regardless, but if we need to... If we can go around and use that wand to free all of the vassals and they can come with us... We'll have an army! Especially if they have powers like Daisy had. Yeah!

Come on, this is absolutely no way this can backfire. I agree to your test. This is a perfect plan. It's the threshold, just grab it by its tiny tail.

Okay, so you say the thing, you say the thing, and then I'm just, yeah. And then we just do it at the same time, all right? Oh gosh. Sidebar. You turn and you make your way out of this room where a bar is across from the sitting room, apparently, that now suddenly exists. Hey, guys.

Both of you conspiratorially start to walk into the hallway, and as you walk in, you can see Manius. Come on, Beacon, put your back into it. You're barely doing any work here. And they're pulling and dragging the body of Tito into the hallway. Push, push, good man, come on.

Look at you, you're so tiny. And Manius is just doing his very best to drag this corpse through the hallway towards the kitchen area where he might be able to find the cellar entrance. I like to stop next to them. It's like an anime. I'm like eating pizza all the time. And I'm like, Shadow, and all you see are my eyes. Blah, blah, blah. Bangles, mangos. Bangles, mangos!

Who knew shark? And I just fucking yeet the wood and the shark towards him. You all do this simultaneously, and the shock on Bacon's face as he's crushed by the shark is... If only he could say, oh, fuck. Instead, you just hear this silent scream and...

And he's crushed by the shark and he slides down to the tile floor with a sickening smack and uh... Out of curiosity...

He manages to stay conscious, but he falls under a... What in the hell is that? My Thaumath, what have you done? Oh my gosh! You've passed your test. Well done, Bacon. What have you done to my principal? It was just a thresher shark. I mean, come on. And I'll pick it up. It's definitely cracked. The tip of its tail snapped off.

Uh, we had to see that Bacon was in his right mind and not controlled by the beasties below. Oh, yeah, no, that's it. We saw a bit of that. We saw a glow, little yellow eyes. We were a little worried. We were concerned you'd been taken.

That's a good point. That's a good point. Bacon could be a tremendous third to us at any moment. But not anymore. No, he's safe now. He's going down. He passed. We freed him from the madness. He also doesn't have his bangle anymore. Well, you know the words. Yes. Let's free the rest. Yes. We have to get out of here. Yes, we will free the whole household, yes.

Well, come on then! I will join you, yes. You all can deal with the bodies.

Whenever I go and tell Mariana we're taking a little vacation. I'll follow Manius down there and I'll just start to go through and say, more than a dozen of these vassals and even the baby boy that you were unable to save from the monsters from below the city, we'll call them, are bangle-free minutes later. It's as simple as waving a wand.

And sure enough, the vassals are looking at Manius with wonder, looking at you with strange eyes, holding and grasping their necks and having never been able to make this motion their entire life. And suddenly looking at each other and pointing and communicating with each other, this...

The scar. What is the smooth thing? I've never seen this. It's always been hidden by that bangle. And there's a sense of gratitude. There's a sense of fear. There's a sense of uncertainty all about them. But Bacon shows up and immediately begins, not barking orders, but the equivalent in hand code. And they are...

riled up, they immediately get to work. Taskmaster being what it is, they start to find their way to the kitchen, find their way to clothes, find their way throughout the house, essentially assembling a caravan of sorts under Manius' close observation and by his command.

What are you all doing? How did we get stuck moving the bodies? This is unbelievable. Why are we even taking them? I was trying to get them down, I guess, the cellar, but, like, I'm pretty sure Manny has said his children are down there, which is really fucked up. But who am I to ask questions? Come on, Bonobos, put your back into it. No. I've disposed of bodies before, but this... Tito was a hefty feller.

I guess they got good eats here. I wish Mr. Yornir was here. You hear the barking of Manius talking to Manius. No, you can't bring all of your cats, perhaps just one, but no, really, you should

any of them. There's chaos in all directions as people are now running back and forth, essentially assembling for the journey to come. When we get to the... Mr. Stabiscotch, open the cellar door. I'll come like this crouched down...

Yeah, the most disgusting slinky of all time reaches the bottom of the pillar. It crunches as it goes down. It's a disgusting sound. Julian, that was the little one. I don't know how we're going to get the next one. I'll help.

Come on, let's move! It's gonna be a long night. I can assist as well. Oh, thank goodness. Just get him near the edge and we can just kind of tip him over and roll him down? I truly have to miss this now. I'm sure of it. Manius has had a complete transformation. He's ready to believe anything, it seems. And he has been convinced of the not knowing is.

means that he has to be flexible, that he has to do what's right by the family. You can see that his actions of confidence come not from the fact that he doesn't know if what he's doing is right, but that he doesn't know what he's doing is right. He knows that he believes in his family, and that includes even the vassals, as twisted as perhaps his prior ideas were.

And there's good in Manius, as strange as his upbringing may have been. And within an hour, I will say, there is now three carriages outside the front of the House of Knowledge, filled to the brim with goods to...

to feed the number of people that have to go, that have to go be pulling, uh, pulled by polar bear. It is still raining heavily outside, but the five of you are able to jump into a carriage with Manius and, uh, his son, uh, who is joining him along for the ride and the rest all jump in, uh, with the, he remembers that Daisy is a package deal. So Daisy joins you in the carriage as well. And, uh, soon enough,

You're being pulled through the mud, not towards the city of Ogerton. No, for the first time deviating from a path that has been well-worn down and then back up again around the house, past the farms, past the livestock farms.

And further from the city, too, right? Further from the city. Towards where Queenie and the youngest ogre twins had their confrontation when she was just at the very proximity. I look at my friends who are in the carriage and I look out the window as we're moving and I say, very much like the bacon plan, there's absolutely no way that this can go wrong. Are we in Gorgustus' carriage?

Sure. More like Dork Gustus. Fuck that dead guy. Too smooth, sir. I'll look out at the stable where the cattle were and I'll think about the look that it gave me before I had to butcher it and I'll just be... I'll just shudder and I'll turn away. Now, Dork Gustus was a good man. He was doing what he thought was right. You have to understand. I don't think that he meant evil.

Well, like I said, Manius, is that anyone who stands in the way of not just my freedom now, but of any of our new friends, we will gladly take theirs. I quite agree. And you are now, you have now earned the treasured title of ally of Barnabas the Dreadwick. Well, I...

This is all quite new. Thank you. That means a lot. But if I do not retrieve my pipe, my shell, my pipe weed, my spice box, my flask, and especially my pan, or especially my shell, all of it. And your anchor. Oh, and my anchor, too. There's a lot of things that you took from me. We will have words. I have no memory of taking these things. It's possible that I had...

came under their control. Oh, yes, perhaps they took it. More than likely. Well, what is it that he was saying, Taishin? There's something behind the waterfall. Yeah, well, the lottery, they came out from the waterfall. There was a glow behind it, and they selected the ogre that won the lottery and did horrible things to him, and then

cast him back into the waters but they came from behind the waterfall there are also very specific places we couldn't go while wearing those stupid necklaces oh yeah including a passage on the other side of the chasm and on that damn ship that you took us up to the orb attached to the silver ship above the city the one being handled by the figurehead

"The orb? It's a great crystal brought here by our ancestors. Well, I... we know nothing. Yes, yes, it's just been there since the founding of our city is my understanding."

I probably don't know what the psionic focus is, but if I did, I would probably understand the relevance of this. Yorni, what the fuck are you talking about? Psionic is such an easy word in the mouth. But actually, what I was going to say was, with these off,

Even if the rest of you stay safe outside the city, we can go back in and get inside there, wherever they are living, wherever they are staying. Underneath the waterfall, I projected my spirit out, and there was a great structure underneath the city, and there were countless ogre souls, I hate to say, those consumed in the lottery. It was no ogre heaven. It was...

eternal torment. Don't listen, Julian. Don't listen. But now that we know, we can stop the rest of you from experiencing this faith. But perhaps we'll get what we wanted. If they are trapped, these spirits, if we end these

Squid... Squiddies. Squiddies! If we end these squiddies, we can... Perhaps that is what is keeping them here. Maybe they will finally find some form of peace? Is this sounding anything like... I'm just making it up. I don't know. Well, to be fair, we don't know either. But that's okay. Right now, there are no bad ideas. Just like the bacon plan. Okay. Will, how are you going to...

I'm happy to try and help. I can perhaps lead you through the city, and perhaps we can go to the orb. I don't want to go into the sewers, I'll be honest. The hygiene of that sounds miserable. You know what goes down there. Actually, under the cover of darkness, going up to the orb right now might be a good plan. I would not risk taking you or any of the vassals with us, given that you were controlled even without the bangles.

Only the five of us can be sure

to be free from their influence. We don't even know that either, but at least we're willing to gamble on it, right? I know, at least as far as we know. Based on the last combat, I'm just crossing my fingers, Scrim. Well, if Manny has his offer, maybe he'll just get us close, right? He'll just take the carriage, he'll save us some time, and we'll scamper up into the ship, and we'll go see what that damn orb is. We are... Oh.

Oh my. And he looks out in the window and the rain has stopped. Instead, you've crossed a threshold.

the water that was hitting against the side of the windows no longer pattering, but softly hitting and freezing, creating intricate frost patterns. You are crossing away from whatever this warmth of Ogerton, this palatial place shifts very dramatically as you suddenly reach and cross this boundary. You are now making your way into

more mountainous terrain, hills, rocks, and great trees, a huge forest of these beautiful pines, and they are covered not in wet rain, but instead in frozen snow. And it gets colder, and you suddenly see your breath. It drops. It's no longer 40 degrees, 35 perhaps, still quite cool. Not deadly cold. 15, 16,

Ten. Zero. It happens only over the course of the next few miles. As you're having these conversations, you are realizing, oh, Manius was not the smartest in some ways, but it's a good thing you brought these fucking jackets. And you bundle up.

Can I just look back out the back of the character, stick my head out the window to see if... Can I see the Ogros city? Confirm what Queenie found. You peek out and you look and it is indeed frigid outside if you need to lean out the window in order to get a proper perspective. You look.

as though the city does not exist. You see nothing. There is but a slow, sloping valley. Lifeless. Covered in snow, even. No particular warmth. And then a tall mountain with a

waterfall and no life to speak of. It just seems like an empty space, an empty terrain. Not even a place worth putting a city on. If you need more proof that all is not what it seems, I suggest you look out the window. Speechless. Gone. Gone entirely, yes. What? That's

All right, so either they're letting us leave or they don't know that we've left. Right. So maybe we find a safe place to camp until it's nightfall again tomorrow night and we go back in under the cover of darkness. If that's a plan, right? We need to rest, I guess. Tonight is unfortunately out of the question, but tomorrow night, once we rest, we eat.

We get as far away as we can, we monitor the situation. Surely if they're upset that we left, they're not gonna let us just waltz out of there. So we keep an eye on things, we see what happens with our friends, our newfound friends, and we go from there. All right? Yes. And anyone who wants to join us will get a free tattoo and piercing from Old Barnabas. Not required.

No, Ian. Your funeral. You continue to travel, and I would leave it to your discretion to decide for how many hours you feel safe until you decide to make camp. I would say that we would want to travel... How late is it getting right now? It was...

late evening when you had your confrontation with Commodus and when you initially got back and then a few hours passed, you had all of the events that occurred towards the end of last session and this entire session and the preparation. It's middle of the night and it's still snowing but the clouds overhead are brightened by the illumination of the full moon that are hitting the top of it. It's dim light but not pure dark.

It's, I would say, quite literally the middle of the night. I would suggest we travel for another few hours and then get some sleep. No complaints from me. In the late night and early morning. And my hope is that the further away we get, the more mountainous and the more stone there is beneath us, they cannot burrow beneath us as we rest. Well, I haven't heard of no burrowing squid, so...

We know that something bore those tunnels and sewers. They have giant worms or something. Anything's possible. Well, as far as we can tell, they haven't left the city before. They've just sent ogres out. If they follow us, it would be on foot, maybe. We could find some place in the trees to hide these caravans. Is the snowfall pretty hard? It's...

It has parity with the rain. It's as though if you just turned the temperature down, that much rain would make sense for this much snow. Does it look quick, like take a quick look back, does it look like we're leaving tracks? Or is it like, would it be filling relatively quickly? I would say it does look like you're making tracks. Make a nature check. Okay.

Uh-oh. Garsh. Garsh, Taishan. Garsh. Garsh, Sora. We gotta seal the door to darkness. Fourteen. Are we at fourteen?

You have not very much familiarity with snow. You know that someone with more experience could get an answer, but with what limited experience you have, you have no idea how quickly that kind of track might be covered by the natural snowfall. That outcropping over there will give us enough shelter to camp for the evening. You've spent more time, I think, than I or really any ogre has in these mountains. I...

Would wager. And it looks big enough, flat enough. Let's make camp. We'll all get some rest. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the Oga City. I scrimmily have been gone for...

Four hours! I'm glad to hear it, Scrim. It was so warm, and I forgot how horribly cold it is out here. I know they have horrible, mind-sucking monsters, but I'm with Scrim. They also had hot cocoa. Yeah. And three-foot-long hot dogs. The best meat and the best milk come from happy cows, Mr. Stabascotch. I know, I know. All right. I'll go gather firewood.

I want to keep an eye on the polar bears. Do they still seem intelligent and tame? Then a wendigo shows up. Make an animal handling check. 18. 18.

There's a certain glint that is missing from the eyes of this bear. Wow. So yeah, it's very bad. While he's doing this, I'm going to summon the Brutal Blade and I'm gonna go search for firewood. Not very far, but as far as I need to go to hank off some branches. You take 14 steps before you see a vessel carrying wood.

Oh. I like, first I'm like, what? Who goes there? Show yourself! And then the vassal comes out and I'm like, oh, thank gods. I dismiss the brutal blast. Give me that! And then I run back. Hey guys, I got firewood! That was quick. They should have brought their own fuel. And you do this. You have the salt that I asked for.

The salt? The salt, yeah. Bacon, did you bring... He shows up. The sacks of salt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got as much salt as you need. Okay, I'm going to try to make an actual salt ring, throwing it over my shoulder around us. I spin three times to the right. LAUGHTER

Julian is immediately watching you and he doesn't have any salt, but he... Oh, yes, of course, of course. Oh, yes, yes. Wait, make sure you touch your heart every three times. Oh, it's the heart. The heart, yeah. One, two, three. Oh, three. Three. It's three. Oh,

And you start to settle in. This makeshift settlement, this makeshift camp, there's fabrics going up, tarps, ropes being pulled taut, vassals are getting to work. They are immediately clearing the area, digging out patches of snow, putting down as much fabric as they can before creating tents to the best of their ability.

And you can see that these are relatively crude shelters, but with the fires that are being lit so close and allowing the warmth to fill the trees in this outcropping, you are immediately feeling right at home as you would have, well, only since you arrived in Drakkar. Well, and I'll be heating up a really sharp, thick needle.

Over the fire. Anyone who wants a hex mark, feel free.

Alright. You saw like five or six people walking up and five of the six people walking away. I'll take one of the spoons that I had hatched, basically like a honeycomb symbol, and I'll once again heat the end. And I'll stick it through and I'll use just my fingers. Shit.

And I'll bend it around to form like a hanging spoon earring with a hex mark on it. Any other takers? I've got plenty more hex marks. All right, I've done this already like a half a dozen times, and you can see that I have like lots of piercings.

But you're gonna have to give me something a little more lightweight than that spoon you got there. I don't need my ear tearing, all right? Oi, I thought of that. Bring out the dainty teaspoon. Bonobo, what do you mean dainty? What is it? Hold on, hold on, this will be quick. It's so small, I can eat it real quick. Unbelievable. Hold on, I didn't want to waste this real nice teaspoon without, unless you were certain. All right, here we go.

Are you ready? Three, two, one! You take one piercing damage. Oh yeah. Here we go. I'll make you feel alive. There we go. Now we will be protected from the evil spirits. As long as you get your tattoo, of course. Yeah, well, that's why I'm here, right? How long is that going to take? It depends on what you want.

We talked about it in real time in our world only mere days ago, but it was months and months in our world. Your options are a seabird, preferably a cormorant, an albatross, or a frigatebird. Those are the luckiest. Cat, mermaid or merman. Clubatterman.

And then we have Elmo's Bolt. Oh, that's the one that I wanted. I wanted the Elmo's Bolt. Oh, Clemens' Anchor or Brendan's Nock. No, it's the Elmo's Bolt all the way. Okay, where do you like it? I don't know. Where's the luckiest? Please don't say my nutsack. I won't fall for that twice.

Well, you know, I'll show you what it looks like just to make sure. There's no more room there for a tattoo. No, no, don't show me the tipping a dick, no! Oh, no, I meant, I meant, and I'm gonna take like a stick and draw that basically it'll look like arcing lightning bolts, basically. Like, basically like the scar that Tysham would have given that mind flayer. Fuck yeah, I want that. Oh, yeah, that's cool. All right, maybe just, you know, maybe on my left shoulder. All right, sit down.

All right. And then however long it takes, I would let him tattoo me with it. Yeah. It takes quite a while to get a full tattoo like that. It hurts. It doesn't do any damage, damage, mechanically speaking, but you know that you'll be tender there for many days and that you'll need to protect a real tattoo like someone only like Barnabas could give you. This is the most sanitary ink that I've ever made. All right.

Man, polar bear fat. Hopefully there doesn't have any negative properties. I'm used to seal, but that'll be fine. What's the worst that happens? My arm falls off? Please, we're stuck in this hellhole. Or he gets hepsis and die. Like I said, we're stuck in this hellhole. And so I'll give him the Elmo's Bolt. I wanted that...

that tattoo that I got back on that mountain to stay and I was not gonna lie a little disappointed that it vanished I was hoping to keep something with me if we got through all of this and well now I've got this. Exactly right. We're not first of all I want a tattoo second of all we're not stuck here do you really want to go back? I I know that we are free from that prison now even you yourself but there are thousands of you in that city

And even the ogres themselves are cattle to those beasties. And entire populations upon populations have been made prisoners by those beasties. I say we smash their squid faces in and put an end to it. I cannot complete my pilgrimage without the weight of my burden. And until I retrieve my tusks, I cannot leave. And... I believe...

Fate brought us to this city. It was not just mere chance that we entered this bubble. And even if I did have my tusks now, I still would not leave as this is an important step in my pilgrimage. I do not know if we all feel the same. I also think we were drawn here. I'm afraid to go back. They had...

They didn't take control of us, but they stopped us at the lottery. We couldn't move. We couldn't even turn around. That wasn't even... That was just out while they controlled a thousand ogres. Who knows what kind of power they can bring to bear, but I don't think we can just walk away from this. Daisy's dad is still there. Honey gave her life to get them free.

I... All captive? Taishen, you're not alone. I'm absolutely terrified to go back there because a part of me is convinced we cannot do a damn thing. But it's like Queenie said, we gotta try. I do want my lover and all my effects, but all those people were born as free as the sea and the sky. And a wise person once told me, I can't recall whom, but they said that

What's the point if those with the means and the power do not fight? I feel a little bad now, honestly. I hadn't thought about it, and honestly, the thought of running away was so overwhelming, I forgot about my dad. Wait, you're right. There's... I'm still learning. Grab that tattoo tomorrow. I need rest, but... Think about what design you'd like. I did pack a few additional provisions.

And she comes out and she hands a bow and arrows to Queenie. She brings out this nasty two-handed cleaver. I know it's not your anchor. Oh, this is what we use on that cow. It is. You're proficient. Oh, man, you turned him into scrambled beef. Yeah.

I've never seen any weapons in your hands, but you've always been... It's hard to see you without those sticks, so I got you just this branch that we've had. Oh, thank you. It'll make a good walking stick. You were saying, Taishan?

Um. Oh yeah, yeah, there you go Taishen, here's a gift, I'll scream, here's a gift for you too, alright, no, thank you, that's very nice. No, neither one of us got gifts. That's what the point I was trying to make there, Taishen. Oh, I thought you were saying. Oh, you like the cleaver that kills? No, no, I don't want the cow cleaver. Are you sure about that? The great seller of cows. She passes you a small tin and on the top it reads beef butter. Oh, that's crazy, I had no idea. Yeah.

Alright, I'll be in cabin three. Alright, but Serena shouldn't have. It's actually just a ziplock bag and a sock. No, it's the other side. Oh my god.

Those jiggles, so sack-ily. What I was gonna say before the jiggly sack of massage oil came out. Strange gift, by the way. It froze. No, no, no. We just... There's so much we don't know. We don't know why those creatures are behind the water. What their goal is. They feast on the ogres, but...

Maybe there's another way. Maybe they do it because they have to. They have to eat. We have to eat. We were pushed to almost committing atrocities but killing creatures in the wild that we didn't want to but to survive. Maybe... Maybe it doesn't have to come to horrible confrontation. Maybe there's something we can do to help them find another way if they're open to it. If not...

Maybe they are just evil, but... Taishen, you make a good point, and then I remember that ogre being flipped upside down over and over again, and his brain spilling out and regrowing and spilling out and regrowing, and I think, Taishen, you're fucking crazy! The chances are not very high. Once they were done eating his head like a Flintstones bushbump...

He pulled out the jar from Whisperer in the darkness and just brought his brain along with him. Have you ever seen... Have you seen Scrimmied Eggs? Like, what's the... The eggs...

Of a chicken that wasn't even going to be a chick. I cried for four hours after that incident, Taishan. You ate the shells! The egg is in sentient, Taishan. The egg is an egg. Well, that ogre's not sentient anymore, I'll tell you that much. I don't know. It's pretty fucking bad, for sure. But all I'm saying is maybe there's a better way. Well, I wanted to make sure you guys could defend yourselves when you head back.

I'm going to bed. I'll be in cabin three. I'm going to pass on the tattoos, if you don't mind. I think that you have your own ways and your runes to ward off spirits, but your soul did almost get devoured by ogre ghosts. I do want to remind you. They just sent me back to my blog. And I believe that...

The triad will keep me safe. I have to go have a difficult conversation now. And I'll turn and I'll walk up to the bullermeres. And I'm going to use druidcraft. And I'll say...

You guys hear a moose rutting? Is this why he said it would be a difficult conversation? And I'm gonna use these animal calls to be like, alright fellas, they may look hungry, or they may look delicious if you all get a little hungry, and sure, there are hundreds of people that you could turn into a buffet at the Golden Corral, but...

Just think about how comfortable you were back in the city, how well you were taken care of. I implore you that you do not devour these poor innocent humans and things will go back to normal. Feel how cold it is, how frigid. It's so uncomfortable compared to a nice stable life being fed nice pieces of meat. Mm-hmm.

It's just a suggestion, I suppose. 25 people in the camp are all just like... And I can't actually talk with them, but I'm basically trying to use bear cries with the meaning of basically... No, are you trying to talk to them? They have a swim speed, being polar bears.

Fucking find out. I'm imagining this whole time of like Yorneir is like... It's like...

And then the dub over is, "I implore you to reconsider." That's very funny. It's like goblins. Remarkably, if we're doing this REW, apparently they do. Baseline stat. The first of the campaign. I can speak to them, can you? With your magical, fear-bull blood, speak to animals as well without being a druid. As well. Oh.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Polar bears. Just take it easy. We got some of that cow that we butchered earlier on. It's good eats. They were... I don't know. Yeah, I can communicate, but not understand, so it's the same idea. You're the one who killed Jerry. Oh.

Oh, fuck. Oh, no. So basically it's sort of the same idea, is that I can make animal cries and I can do them more than maybe a human druid could. So I'll continue to...

Give yourself a new tattoo. Or refresh old tattoos. I'm the thing. I'm going to basically, between the giant octopus tentacle and the plesiosaur head that's coming down over my heart, I'm going to give myself a seabird. These are the wings of freedom.

I'm going to tattoo myself and anyone else who would like one. I'm not going to make you roll. You feel the polar bears understand, and they do seem especially swayed by the comforts that they have enjoyed in Ogerton. I do advantage on charisma checks. They settle down into what is very clearly a keeping warm hibernation-y style posture and make their way to sleep. That could have been really bad.

I'll join the rest of them. And cabin three. Oh! Why is there oil all over the walls? Why didn't you go back to cabin three? Why does it smell like alcohol? It's like that moment in Shaun of the Dead when he slips on the blood. Oh, is that what Daisy was talking about when she was saying tripod?

I thought she was reading War of the Worlds. Too bad. We've gone down so many levels. Was somebody making pancakes in here? Funnily enough, you hear the ground shake. Do you do anything else before bed? No. Should we keep watch? Yes, we should keep watch.

- I would stay up as long basically to give any of the vassals that want a tattoo or want a piercing of a hex mark. I should have like plenty of spoons that I made and I have plenty of soot oil dye. And so I will stay up as long as it takes and then I'll go to sleep. So I'll take first watch. - All right, well, Barnabas is offering first watch, so good night. And I immediately go to sleep.

I'll go second. I can refresh the fire waking up. You're perhaps the one with the most energy of the five of you because you're the only one who has enjoyed something like a long rest in all this time. And the rest of you are all picking your order, so to speak. Everyone else, you are exhausted. It has been a long 48 hours to get to this point. Your name?

Uh, I would tell Queenie you'll take third and I will take fourth. Yes. That's a wrap on me. I don't know. Whatever fucking Queenie says. Anyways, uh, and she goes to sleep and you, uh,

Each of you take watch one in order. You also notice that there are vassals who are taking watch. Mania seems to have had his own command about this sort of thing, so occasionally you have company during those two-hour sections where you briefly wake up, make sure that you're just sort of keeping your eyes on the horizon and need to sound the alarm should there be any. But it is a quiet night. It is rain—not raining. It is snowing heavily. But aside from that...

It seems to be peaceful. And you all enjoy the benefits of a long wrap. I'll be probably much to the chagrin of the vassals. I'm tattooing them. I'll be regaling them with the seven grand voyages of Trothak, the shark puncher that I made up.

And I was like, oh, I'm thinking about calling that one the voyage of the Eye of the Bleeding Star. What do you think? Oh, yeah, that's a pretty cool sounding voyage. That's his second voyage. And then I'll go to sleep. Oh, Toy Shen, make sure to keep an eye on the salt circle as well. Oh, okay. Show me that you remember the motion. Oh, I think it was...

No, you hit your heart first, then you spin. No, no, no, no, no. You hit your heart. One, two, three. Okay. No, you're fine. Okay. There we go. Good night. The next morning comes, and though the snow is still coming down as hard as it had the previous evening, you are refreshed.

Morning arrives and the five of you wake the last one on watch having already been awake for a couple hours now and it's been an uneventful, blessedly uneventful night and it's early. You can already smell some of the vassals are preparing food and you notice that their numbers are a few fewer.

It does seem that some vassals had the same idea Daisy had and have taken upon themselves to perhaps grab a few provisions and make it into the mountain and decide to take agency and freedom into their own hands and decide to make their fate their own. But the majority have stayed, and Manius and his family are all hovered around a warm campfire, fresh with fuel, and...

They seem to be chatting amongst themselves. Manius, very close to his wife. The two ogre twins are running around and playing, perhaps throwing snowballs at each other. It's an idyllic scene compared to the intense feelings of dread and confusion that have filled your days for the last week or so. What do you do? I will...

I hate to do this to you, Derek, but I will get up in the morning and I will basically sit down, cross my legs, and feel the Arctic around me, the cold weather, the snow, the wind, the pine trees and the mountain.

And I want to meditate and just try to commune with the land and no matter how, you know, I'm so far from a mood, but do what I can to connect with the triad, with the triumvirate and connect with the land itself and cast augury and do a rune reading if I could in regards to if we go back into the

I guess you feel free to do inspiration, but the actual augury spell is... Let me just make sure that I read it. Let's do the spell. The spell is... Augury... Is it first level? Second level? Where is it? Augury, augury, augury. Augury.

By casting... So I'm basically using actual runes, right? You've risked it a few in your few hours over your watch. I receive an omen from an otherworldly entity about the results of a specific course of action that you plan to take within the next 30 minutes. So, presumably we're going to get up and go back into the city and... Go in the next 30 minutes? Well, it's...

It says... I didn't know that. A course of action that you plan to take. I would think that the course that we will start in the next 30 minutes will be beginning our plan to head into the city and face the Mind Flayers. I see. And so...

Wheel for good results, woe for bad results, wheel and woe, or nothing. This spell doesn't take into account any possible circumstances that might change the outcome, such as casting of additional spells with the loss or gain of a companion, etc. That's ominous. And yeah, and then so I would get some sort of result as I cast runes from my bag. The runes. Without your usual set of runes, you throw a simpler...

Oh, right, yeah, they'd be handcrafted. Simpler, perhaps you've taken some bark and you've carved, wristed a few runes into the back. That's the major ones. And so it's like drawing a two-dimensional drawing without the shading, without the depth that you might normally get with your traditional set made of bone. However, you focus on your question. You focus on...

The choice that you must make and the plans that you need to pursue. The choice of going back to Ogerton. And the result is surprising. You expected some level of gray, but it is black and white. Wheel. I will sort of...

Feel any bit of doubt that was in the back of my head totally evaporate as I kind of feel this inner calm and time almost like stops as I finish my meditation and prepare my spells in a mechanical sense. And then once I'm done, I will join my companions.

Yornir joins the rest of you. Daisy is preparing a small meal for herself, already eating what she's made for herself, leaving some leftovers for you. Barnabas, I'm sure you're probably already taking what provisions have been brought and cooking up your own storm on the surface of your own fire. And

It's just the six of you, including Daisy, sitting around having a moment of privacy. No longer convincing an ogre that his entire world is full of illusion, full of impossibilities, full of lies and deception. But you have these first few hours of the morning to think about how you are going to return to Ogreton, what you are going to do there, and

what you were going to do about this otherworldly danger that lies behind the waterfall. Now, I learned this recipe when I did a little bit of fishing in Delphinus. They call it a scrambled meatball on the bread tangle of pizza. It's quite...

What the fuck is a bread tangle? I don't know! Wait, really? You got past scrambled meatball? Yeah, that was my question. What's a scrambled meatball? He needs context clues to figure that one out. Oh, and it was the guy named Pete Za-apostrophe. It's a very fantasy name. Oh, I see. He invented the bread tangle. I don't know. I know you've only been in Ogerton in a short time, but the

Safest route in my mind, there's, if you hug the western side of the city, one of the sewers goes to, not a villa, but just to a well. You wouldn't have to go to any of the houses of any of the other places. You wouldn't have to go back to the House of Knowledge. You'd be able to get into the sewer system and perhaps skirt through the city that way. It would be how I would approach it.

- Yeah, I mean, that sounds like it would work. - If that's how you'd approach it, young lady, then that is how we will approach it. - Is there any way you could make a pit stop and deliver a message? - If we have some sort of a way to navigate the sewer system, absolutely. I don't see why not, right? Like a map maybe? - I can get some parchment.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And taking what remains of her parchment, you can clearly see that she's been writing a letter. And she starts to draw. And it'll take her another minute or two to complete as accurate a map as she can, leaving the rest of you to discuss what next. Well, uh...

If this entrance is as easily accessible as we thought, then we don't really need to wait until the cover of darkness, especially if we're not going back into the city. Aye. So we can head out as soon as we're ready. I would like, who's good with a pencil or a drawing implement? It's got a little bit of artistic. Aye, Mr. Fireblossom. You've got a pretty steady hand. I think we make as many copies of a map to get to this point as we can. So we run into any vassals. Mr. Yorneir can...

pendant, shmendent, or whatever he says, and then we hand them the parchment and tell them to take the well and to get back here, so they don't have to remember. All right. Sure. Makes sense. Okay. Let's see what I can copy up. Okay, if you wouldn't mind, Daisy, we'll take a look at whatever map you're drawing and we'll follow that, okay. Here we go, Mr. Fireblossom, here's one.

I will go to Manius. I will say. Yes, yes, yes. Did you bring any of your gems with you? That's one. No, no, we only brought what we needed to survive. We left the valuables at home. So no diamonds? No, no, no, nothing like that. What do you need diamond for? It's a very rare thing. It allows me to...

cast great life magics. So I was for the danger ahead that they would prove quite useful. I was just wondering if you had some, if we could potentially use them. Mannyus! Oh, no! Mariana, no. That is a part of our sacred bond. You can't possibly... But of course, if you believe these people, you must do

Let's do everything we can to help! Mariana chimes in. No, I... If you're convinced...

"I am, I am, I am. We've left it all behind. This is... it's time to roll the dice, as you might say." She pulls her wedding bangle off of her finger and... "Well, this is a diamond, is it not?" And for an ogre's finger, it's also quite large.

Is it... this might be a defensive question. It's cubics of gold. Is it worth at least 300 gold pieces? It's priceless in my heart, if that's what you mean. I stopped loving my husband years ago. So it's worthless. I'm not exactly sure how to determine the value of spell components, but this looks like it will do. If...

It needs to be worth anything at all. Perhaps you can just give me an IOU. I will give you an IOU of 300 gold pieces. I take it in my heart. Thank you. I will return this, presuming we do not have to use it. Thank you. Go! Go and save our city! Our brothers and sisters! Please! And my cats. No, no. Uh...

Is there anything else we can do? I... I... Are you certain that we can't do something... Anything at all? I imagine...

No one will suspect an ogre walking through the city, right? Perhaps myself, just alone. I could make the trek into the town square and see what I could poke around into. I could go to the library. Really, if there's anything you're not telling me, please. By the time you get to the town square, someone's going to have found those bodies in your basement. That's all I'm going to say, and you're going to be prime suspect number one.

That's how these things work. Don't ask me. I don't make the rules. I think Scrim is right, Manius. As the head of the House of Education, you draw too much attention, and the creatures have already seen through your eyes just last night, maybe, presumably. And who knows what would happen should you cross the threshold back into...

Ogerton. You probably don't take this as a compliment or an offense. Have a lot of brain juice, so if you've crossed them too many times, they might just take a little bit of a premature snack, so to speak. I take a little offense to it, but I understand your meaning, I understand your meaning, Garnibos. You've done a lot, that's what I'm saying, to grow that brain and

And look, you know, if things were different, maybe if you were the head of arts and entertainment in Ogre Hollywood, you'd have easily gotten away with this. LAUGHTER

There'd also probably be a lot more corpses in your cellar. He writes it down. There's so much to learn about the world. Oh my god. There's so many... I feel we could spend a week here and I couldn't... I wouldn't know half of what you know. I...

I wish you my very best. I wish you to succeed. And you're right. I think it's not just the bodies. It's too much of a risk that we be taking control. I'm going to stay here. I'm going to protect the family. We'll be all right. We've got more than a week. Weeks of food and fuel. And we can make a home of this place. We'll wait for your sign. I hope to hear from you soon.

Well, and if you do see more vassals coming this way, we will be pleading with them to make their leave from the city as we make our way through. If you do not hear back from us in a week, you should leave. It will be either us or them, and neither one of us is going to survive the full week if the other is still living as well. Well, I hope it doesn't come to that, but I'll take that to heart.

"Sophlas Speed. I mean, uh, good tidings or something. I'm still getting used to the language units." We usually just say good luck. Or fair winds and following seas. That's a good one, too. Ooh, fair winds and following whatever our sea is, yes. Perhaps I can teach you of the god of the giants and giant kin when I return. "That's right. You do speak as our ancestors did.

I do. We will have much to talk about. I relish the thought. Let us go. Daisy rushes up. You have the map? Scrim. Yeah. I trust you with this letter. Okay, yeah, no problem. Absolutely. It's for my father. Oh no, he's gonna punch me in the face again. Maybe. But he needs to get to safety. Yeah. No, no, we'll make sure he does. We will, I promise. Thank you. No problem.

I'm gonna stay here. I don't know what you are facing, but I don't feel that I'm up for the task. I agree. 16 is not a whole lot of hit points. I was going to say the same thing. Well, and what Gornia said stands for you too. If we don't come back in like a week, get out of here. Actually, in that moment, the DM leveled up the NPC. Oh, okay. You will die if you come with us. Yeah.

Well, we don't not likely doubt your ability in combat, but we are the five ogre demigods. Only we can face these thought eaters. An epic. Aye, I could write a story. There's no reason that you need to actually be demigod for me to write of truth, and... I, in his first voyage, the halls of the Merling King.

Maybe this would be his eighth voyage. Aye, the eighth voyage after sailing into the green flash and returning from ogre heaven. I like the sound of that, Mr. Fireblossom. His following his seventh voyage, the anthem of the emerald sunset. He's writing all of this down. We're on to voyage eight.

"I can only write so fast, Barnabas, good grief." "You should have been up with me last night, "you would have had all the voyages." "They're all very tired. "Anyways, he and the rest say farewell "and you begin to not follow tracks "because they have indeed been snowed over, "but you begin to make your way south

Sound blessed. When we get back in like a week, the carriage is going to be splintered. There's going to be vassal limbs like splattered out everywhere, blood all over the place. Remnants of like what looked like crazed ogres having eaten parts of the vassals. No, it's going to be a bunch of polar bears. Like, ugh. Ugh.

I just had a great big bowl of peach. That was like a buffet at the Golden Corral. With a chocolate candy, cotton candy fountain. I'm banning the Golden Corral from this table. I don't want to think about that. And the rock wall. And the tiger poster. Oh, man. I just want to marry. Sizzlers. And you make your way.

Just a few hours of walking. As fast as the polar bears are when pulling a carriage, they were pulling very heavy carriages full of people and provisions and cloths and fabrics. And so you eventually come back to a valley, a sloping valley, a giant, massive mountain.

a huge waterfall that you can see very much in the distance, and there's this dizzying moment when you swim through the illusion of this place, and suddenly, almost like a mirage of heat, but despite the cold, you watch as the snow transforms into rain, and you stare forward into this strange realm, this pocket, this colony,

of controlled ogres that is almost a hilarious joke now, thinking of what is... how blind they are to their lives, all the frivolities of their strange hedonism and lavish lifestyle and social faux pas and all of the culture that's been built up in this space. You feel that you can...

pierce through all of it and make your way directly to where you think these creatures lie. You find yourselves through the well that Daisy described following the map. You are able to go down. And I think for the sake of brevity, what I will say is that you deliver the letter.

I think actually that we will fast forward just a little bit. And we will immediately find yourself at the precipice.

In that time, I think that we would have... Tyshon and I would have basically been double checking our maps on the way in. And then I guess Yornir would have wanded him and any other vassals. And... I would even say you've learned that you can phonetically give the vassals what they need in order to use the wand themselves. Like you could empower them. We don't have to RP this, but you literally can be like,

"Shmangle-bangle," and they'll be like, "Oh no, they wouldn't be able to fucking say shit, so fuck it." Sorry, it's late. Wow, I was about to have my first plot hole. I was going to keep it anyway to use on mind flayers. Oh, I will tell you that you do not have the ability against the wand.

Oh, okay. I'm just gonna give you that so that you don't accidentally fuck up an action during a round of intense combat. Schmagic Schmischel! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perhaps before you wristed your runes, you gave it a few test tries with what you remember Manius saying, and for whatever reason, arcane application to this wand does not seem to be unlocking what you need to in order to make those magics occur.

Is there any way that we can... Oh, we don't draw. Is there any way that you can, like, keep the, like, record the word? I know that, like, our tempesters can do that. I don't know if there's any way that we can, like, record the saying of smargle, smangle, bangle. Bangle, smangle. I don't think we have a way to do that. And, like, yeah, I don't know if we have any way to do that. Let me take a look, actually. I don't... Is my character sheet the fucking one? We drew maps. We drew maps.

Is there a way where basically we give the wand to Mindland, we give him all of the fucking maps and say, take this, free as many people as you can, you know, if you can, and get the fuck out of here or hand out the maps. Like, that would be what Barnabos would want to do. Yeah. Okay. Um...

you spread the good word and you you are able to have a very um punchy moment with myelin uh he is uh he doesn't ask many questions he takes the letter and he just sort of gives you a stern look um he still seems

disheartened by the conversation that you all had in the sewers. We briefly, we get them up to speed. Oh, you tell them. I would tell them that where the letter came from, you know, his daughter, and that she's, for now, she's safe. And I would say, I would say that like, we give him the wand, if Yornir's okay with that, and say like, threaten whatever ogres you have to, or try to convince them, and then like, get them to do it. Right? But basically, here's

you're being empowered with this wand. If they can teach you how to use it, do what you have to. I don't know if... The thing is, if we get in a scenario where they get more of these back on us, do we have the wand? Maybe they would take it anyway. I think there's going to be...

A field of one don't work, Eno Mori. That's probably fair. Take the fucking wand. Get out of my sight. He says to Mylon, your character, get out of my sight. I am filled with rage. I am not.

So you have that exchange with Myelin. He doesn't open the letter right away, but you give it to him and you give him that context. You guys pass out more maps and you anticipate that the vassals will spread the word their own way. Is that a fair assessment of what we've decided so far? That's Barnabas's intention. I think so.

I just want to make sure as we're racing through, just because we started late and I know it's 12:30. I'll look and I'll say, "Remember, all that matters is freedom, and just keep moving forward until all of your enemies are destroyed." I'll clap him on the shoulder. And I'll head out.

you make your way back through the sewer system. And because of the heavy rain, this is no longer, uh, the still running waters that would have just been in the, uh, perhaps ankle deep, not even when you initially went into the sewers just a day ago. Instead, uh,

there is a raging torrent. It is difficult for you, Scrim, and for you, Queenie, in order to stay up because it's waist high for you. And you're all being sort of pulled forward. And every time another tunnel joins you, that water raises and races and rushes forward. And by the time you reach the precipice, what was a small amount of water just pulling and falling out and into this crevasse is, uh,

To use an anachronism, it's the scene from The Fugitive where the fuck... That's what I was going to say. Where there's a toilet of water spraying out and you are staring at the same place that you all confronted with the exception of you, Taishan. You were seeing all of this for the first time. And you are surprised when you see whichever one of you makes this choice first step out onto an invisible bridge.

what should be a hundreds of foot drop into who knows where this waterfall truly goes. You instead see them step onto nothingness and walk forward. Tommy Lee Jones, what are you doing here? I don't care! Join the fight, Tommy Lee!

He can cast guns. I need a hard target search. I'm just going to stand here and wrinkle. Truly, this is no country for old men.

We'll make it into the last quote and then we'll move on. And the five of you cross this threshold. I'm not gonna make you roll for it. Instead, you find yourself in a cave. - Yeah, I'm crabbing my way across and offering support for anyone who is not super, who might be a little nervous.

I think Queenie would probably have the bees make the lines so that's why I said we could sort of see. Oh, yeah, yeah. Can she do the bees without the pot? Yeah. It's an innate part. The pot is their home and it gives her enhanced bee ability. But she still has an innate communion. Communion?

Yeah, it's a little more convenient. Yeah, yeah. She still has her relationship with the bees, and she was able to attract many of their faith spirits to her. So they blink and create essentially like a line. You know that they're not a railing. If you do this, you are going to topple over the edge. And there's a moment of fear. But you're growing in confidence, Taishan. No, I'm not.

You are starting to trust each other, trusting your friends, and you make your way, all five of you, to the other side of this space and up, up, up in through what is not a natural cave formation, but some sort of chiseled opening, a tunnel made to go in deep and behind the waterfall. And that is where you are confronted by this doorway, this strange tunnel.

polished, marble-esque impossible door. Something that you very much wanted to apply your tools to, I believe, if I recall. Something that you were not able to approach Barnabas as you attempted to with the bangle. But this time, the five of you stare at it. You were without bangles. You're free to do as you please. What do you do?

The last time we were here, we looked at the door from afar. It doesn't look like there's any kind of keyhole or knob or anything writing on the door. It looks flat and symbol-less. There appears to be no symbols. There is certainly a frame that seems very cleanly built, crafted right into the stone cave wall. There is this flat, what seems to be a door. I walk right up to the door without touching it.

I put my hands on my hips and I look at it. Yep, we're done here. Let's go home. Can't get in. We're done. I know. Let's see how tough you are, door, without your fancy tricks. Oh, no, Bonobos, please don't.

It's like the Admiral's feast at Red Lobster. And I'm going to Urgot up to the door and just heave all of my weight into it as I give it the shoulder. You are but a few feet behind Barnabas as he crab legs up. And you reach out with a crab leg and you very confidently are ready to heave into it. But you don't get but six, eight inches away when...

It opens with a shock. Suddenly, immediately moves to the side, shoving into the wall and creating an opening, allowing you to enter into this opening space and you are...

through your momentum, thrown through the door and you crash onto the other side into a tremendous open ballroom sized space, a cave. You look up and you are behind the waterfall. You can see through the morning light, even with the rain that the waterfall is here to your side and that there's a giant shape in front of you. - Holy crap!

"Ooooooooooooooooh." Barnabus, you alright? "Ooooooooooooh." The Halo theme first. The library thing kicks in. Oi, that was a mighty quick door, for how big that was! Hold on, I'm coming. I'm gonna run over to you and, like, step through the threshold. Mm-hmm.

and try to run over to Barnbus, if he's okay. Does this feel like I'm on the other side of where I was, of that structure that I saw? Very much. This is the other side of the structure. Holy crap! This is beyond where you made it before. Yes. You know, when you said how big this thing was, I thought I was being a little bit liberal in my imagination, but this is even bigger than I was expecting. This is a huge structure. It is...

more than 100 feet long, hundreds of feet tall. It stretches out like an arm like this, and then like a massive bicep almost. A huge, massive structure. An ominous vessel sits in front of you. A giant coiled shell in its appearance. Its surface, slick black chitin.

It seems to shift and change in color in the dim light of this cave. It appears to be a single, seamless entity with no visible seams or joints to suggest that it was constructed from separate pieces. It is an imposing presence. Its very existence seems to challenge the laws of nature.

The ship's proportions are massive, towering high, high, and its surface is etched with strange alien symbols that seem to pulse with soft yellow light. It is clear this is a vessel created by beings far beyond the understanding of mere mortals, and its purpose is equally mysterious.

And you see a light. The brightest light at the end of the arm, outstretched. You can see this sickly yellow light glowing out, illuminating the rocks of the cave that it seems to be wedged into. And you know that somewhere inside, perhaps, is where these creatures call home.

Is the light coming... You said that it stretches out like an arm, and at one end there's something that forms like the shape of a bicep almost. The light... Which end is the light coming from? It's coming from the end of the boardwalk. The long deck that is perhaps the front of this vessel. So the light's coming from the end of that. Exactly right. Almost as though like a cargo door might be down. Is that...

ship or a sea monster? I can't tell. It was an abomination. I've never seen anything like this before in my entire life. I've never seen anything this size before. This is... We sailed on something... This is unbelievable. I want to listen for any kind of breathing. If I can get a sense of this creature. It has sort of biological function. Perception check. Oh, wow. Can I twist this? Yeah. Thanks, Jack.

Thank you, Chad. Do two. Two? Two, yeah, two. I need it. Yeah. So the highest was a 11. Plus. Plus eight, so 19. 19? Oh, my God. Not bad, yeah. You do hear a sound. You hear it.

just underneath the sound of the waterfall. It's almost impossible to make with the sound of rushing water being so loud and so reverberating in this echoing space of the cavern. But you hear it reminding you of like a cat purring. That's no ship. What do you mean? It is alive. Oh, it is a sea beastie?

What? It is breathing, I can hear it. You think that what we're standing on right now is... is alive?

- Are we on it? Are we literally on it or are we? - You're not directly on the shelf. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, it's like in the hangar. - To be completely clear, let's say this is the door opening. You've entered a huge cavern space with the waterfall falling behind you and you're standing on rock floor. And just in front of you is where you're seeing this arm and the huge bulbous speck of this large craft. So you're staring up and out at it.

towering many stories tall where it bulges up and seeing its long extended arm out in this direction. If you were to turn left and walk perhaps 100, maybe 150 feet in this direction, you'd be approaching the light that I described. If you were to walk straight forward, you'd walk

just only 30, 40, 50 feet before you came to the side of this great craft. If you walked in this direction another 100 feet, maybe 200, you'd find yourself falling into a waterfall. So I'm envisioning that the light is coming from at the bottom of the ship, like the fucking Star Wars latch is coming down. And would there be a ramp up and then the lights? Yeah, that's how I'm envisioning it. Thank you for giving me the words.

Are they expecting us? I mean, you heard what they said. They know everything. They know every move that we're going to make. Every thought that we've had, they have to know. Then let's parlay with them. There's certainly not going to be any element of surprise to blow. Say true. We've come this far. Should we head to that light? Mr. Yornear, you have one last chance. If you think we're...

You're threatened by the spirits that haunt this place. Mr. Staviskotch and I are warded. I don't sense them. Perhaps they are trapped in the ethereal plane. They are not here. That's right. You don't feel any of the creatures that attacked you. There don't appear to be any spirits when you were in your spirit form.

Do I hear a chorus of voices? What was your perception check? 19. You can keep it or you can roll again. I'd like to roll again. Roll again? Come on. Oh my god. I'm going to twist. Twist. Use two twists. Use two twists. He's using. Damn. Damn, Rich. It's still better. It's a 20.

It wasn't quite faded. With a 20. Is that enough? 20 is pretty good. It's a chorus chanting the Halo theme! Oh my god! You listen. You hear that purring. And you listen again. You lean forward. You take a few steps. And you... There's water? Is it... No, there's something else. Yes. Something...

very, very faint, eludes you, but it reminds you of what you heard so loudly when you were much closer to the back of this ship. Singing voices. Jesus. Singing? Singing voices, like a chorus. I don't hear that. How are you hearing all of this? Barnabas, what did you do? Did you mess up my ears? Is that now I can't hear any of this? I don't hear it. Mr. Yorneir, what do your fearful ears hear?

I hear what you're fearful guys see, Mr. Rehorn, you hear? Voices. Haunting things in the ship. A chorus. It's what I heard when I projected my soul. I don't know what that could be. Do you think it's coming from inside that thing? I don't know where else it could be coming from. Oh, God.

Well, I know one thing that that song might be. It's the funeral dirge of these squid-faced beasties singing their swan song before I bring my... eh, not my anchor. Before I cut their fucking heads off with my claws. Shall we? Wait. I will pull out a small stone that I pulled from the mountains before we left, and I'll take just some little knife or just some sort of metal instrument

that I would have wristed the runes previously with. And I will start to etch the Rune for Mind in it. And I will say: "Mammut, protect us. Anum, grant us strength. Bolden, give us the will to endure becoming torment." And I will cast Rune of Protection.

Which is a third level spell. A special patented Derek spell. Oh, classic. Those are the best. It rests a rune on a smaller tiny object made of stone, wood, or ceramic which becomes a magical for the duration of 12 hours. Nice. A creature that keeps this object on their person gains resistance to one of the following damage types. Oh, shit. Acid, cold, fire, force, lightning, thunder, or psychic. Oh! Uh,

You choose when you cast the spell. A creature may only benefit from one rune of protection at a time. Damn. So I will... I can't wait for my brain to get shredded. I will keep this on my person, but knowing that I could pass this stone around, and whoever holds this stone is now resistant to psychic damage. I should have said psychic, it should be obvious, but yes, I'm choosing psychic damage.

For the next 12 hours. For the next 12 hours. Hey, that sounds like it'd be great for a barbarian to have. I can't wait till they're lightning squids. And as this is happening, the remainder of you are still in awe, staring up at this strange alien craft and looking at its impossibility. You are...

amazed that as your eyes are adjusting to the light, you are looking at that arm and realizing that just at the very forefront there seems to be almost like twisting vines that interlock and are perhaps braided hair might be a better way of putting it that seem to come to a point at the very top. But that is the second tier. Instead, there's this lower tier where again that light flickers

guiding you, almost like a will-o-wisp, to enter it and find out what lies within. And as Jornir finishes, you begin to make your way. Queenie leading, as courageous and brave as she is,

She's ready to take care of business as much as the rest of you and starting to walk you cross the wet rock You you make your way over what would what is surprisingly? Unpathed and it occurs to you creatures like this with the ability to levitate wouldn't need a path to walk on just a distance to a door and

Making your way in a long, wide arc, you finally turn the corner and are able to look within and it is indeed, as you suspected, a ramp that leads up and into the interior of this strange vessel. Side by side, as wide as it is, you're able to walk and make your way up and suddenly walking not on rock or on stone, but walking up and in, you...

are confronted by the interior of the ship. And I think that is where we are going to end tonight's session. All right. Thanks for running the session, Eric. Thanks for playing this session. Thanks for running.

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