Heart's Desire | One-Shot | A Bilgewater Tale: Part 1
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. Welcome to Bilgewater, an unscrupulous port city unlike anywhere else in Runeterra. Hidden away in the blue flame isles, it's as lawless as the sea and the wind that surround it. And that's the way the sinners and scoundrels that live there like it. It's one hell of a place to make your fortune, and it can be made in the blink of an eye

just as fast as your ambitions can be ostentatiously shattered, sending it down the drain into the chum-filled blood harbor where a gargantuan leviathan is being butchered for profit, where pirate crews, dark gangs, and their cutthroat kin all congregate and indulge in the base pleasures and vices that one can fathom.

Yes, here in Bilgewater, if you have coin, you can seek it out, whatever your heart desires, and you'll probably find it. But remember, boys and girls, everything has its price. And here in Bilgewater is where we begin our story.

It's early morning and the murder fog has rolled in thicker than a bowl of oatmeal with an extra helping of molasses. But it's too early for breakfast. The sun's not even up as seven travelers from all over Runeterra make their way through the thoroughfare of the slaughter docks, all independently making their way

drawn by their own personal desires, are called by a confounding yet delightfully alluring song that will lead them to a chance meeting. A lucky coincidence for lucky number seven. But no matter how lucky they are, the odds are always in my favor, and it is my mouth into which all travel ends. Now sit back, grab yourself a bottle of rapture rum, and let's see how tall this tale gets.

Champions, you walk through the early morning fog of Bilgewater as you pass over Bilred Walk and dredge through Quagmire, called forward by a song. You all alone, save for Zaya and Rakan, who travel as a pair, but you've all heard this siren song, weeks, months, beckoning you, tugging at your heart, your ambitions and your desires.

Some of you may have tried to resist it, but in the end it was too powerful. Or was it your desires that were too powerful? All the same, you've arrived in this lawless city just six months after Captain Seraph Fortune took singular control by killing the rest of the Corsair Conclave. Things seem to be settling down after the chaos that followed the death of Gangplank just a year ago. At least enough for you to leave your own chartered ship unguarded.

You all obviously can handle yourselves with harpooners and bootleggers. You feel the cool sea air that's tainted with the stench of gore and viscera from the numerous butchered sea monsters from the previous day's haul, still churning in the waters of Blood Harbor. The city does not seem to sleep, and there seem to be just as many sea dogs that there are in the middle of their rum-fueled revelry as there are passed out in the gutter or nursing a hangover.

However, the raucous din of a bustling and lawless port city get more and more distant as you're called further into a nearly abandoned section of rat town. The fog now so thick that you can't see more than a few feet ahead of you. Then suddenly, as your feet step onto waterlogged planks of the dock, the music abruptly stops and the murder fog lets up a bit.

As the misty shroud dissipates, you see six other silhouettes emerge and face you, and you all possibly recognize each other. Can you please introduce your characters briefly?

Hello, my name is Brougham. I am Richie. I am playing Brougham from the Freljord. He's the heart of the Freljord and he loves to fight, to win, to protect poor helpless animals like poros or baby rams and he loves milk.

- My name is Andy and I am playing Draven. I'm also known as the Glorious Executioner and I'm looking for money, fame and fortune in the cheer of the arena. Draven. - I'm Nikki and I'm playing Lulu. You'll hear my voice later 'cause I'm not doing it now. And I am a Yordle. I have a Pix and I am all about the Fae all day, early day.

- I am Nick and I am playing Rakan. He is a Vestayan, which is kind of like a half bird, half human-y type person. He's also known as the charmer. He is a very, very much attention seeker and bear with me while I play my first bard because that is a little bit outside my comfort zone, but I'm ready. - And I am his partner, Zaya.

We are Vestayan together. Zaya's a little bit more edgy, a little bit more angry to his flamboyant peacock. She is mostly out here to kill all of these fucking humans that are around here and annoyed by their existence.

I'm Mel. I'm Maya, I'm playing Fiora of House Laurent and I aim to oppress those that defy my house and dishonour my name and I will not stand down, I will only stand up for what is right.

But yeah, I'm playing a... But yeah, let's see. She's from Demacia. I should have mentioned that as well. She comes from a very noble house, House Laronne.

that is now fighting back to regain their honor after a kind of scandalous event occurred in the city of Valoran. I hope it was a sex scandal. It was not a sex scandal. She wields a rapier, and she is quite nimble on her feet and a very wowsy opponent.

Very close. Captain Timo reporting for duty.

- She's having a thing! - She's having a thing! - She's having a thing! - I'm Kelsey, I'm gonna be Dr. Nemo. - Responsibly. - Yeah. A Yordle scout, and I am out here to prove that I am the most lethal and effective killer in all of Runeterra. - Thank you, Sith the Artist. - Yeah, what better place to prove it than Bulgewater? - Awesome.

And with that, wrote Bloodthirsty Killer, with that, you all stare at each other, the fog now clearing. The abandoned portion of dock in Rattown is eerily quiet besides each other's footsteps. As you see people you may or may not recognize, you can decide who you know and who you don't.

But it's very obvious that everyone that you see is not a native to Bilgewater. It's very clearly represented from Noxus, Demacia, even from Zaun and Freljord and Ionia and wherever Lulu's from. - Dandle City. - Dandle City.

I'm leaving! Get fucked! Who did she travel around anyway? Oh, yes. She gets me. You can't have a home, I still do! So what do you all do?

Oh man, humans are so filthy. Zaya, is there any mud on my cape? Please tell me there's no mud on my cape. No, there is not. Alright, good. You are furry, but you are no poro. What are- ooh, you too! What are you? You can see me. What are you? You're a poro with your eyes closed.

- Please don't touch me. - Draven? Draven? - Okay, let's get one thing straight. It's not Draven, it's Draven. - Draven. - Perfect. - Draven. - Thank you. - How you say Draven or Draven? I don't give a shit. - Draven. - Give it time. - Who are all of you? Did you hear a song? We all heard a song. - Yes. - You all heard the song. - I didn't have to be yours.

- Why did it have to be your-- - Oh, you see your-- - Eyes on the prize, baby. - Yeah, on the Yordle. - Hey, Lulu! Hi! Have you killed anyone today? - It's early. - I speak for you! And I explode as I hand you a mushroom. - You take 48 points, Amanda. - I'm doing it. - I'm doing it.

Well, Draven did hear a song. I was hoping that it would lead me to some sort of fighting pit. Well, do we know? I feel I had such great desire to come. It's impressive that the humans can do this song. You're pretty. So you heard it too? You're small. Oh, I know. I can get real big though. What does she mean by that? Is that an innuendo? No.

Is that an innuendo? I've never played that game before! You're also really pretty. If we all drink our goat's milk, we can all get big. Of course Wakana's pretty! What would you expect? You have something on your coat, by the way. Did you know? Just some dirt right there. You said there was no dirt. It's because you're so pretty I didn't notice. You are all pretty in my eyes. Though I don't see my heart's desire. What?

Yeah, it said something in the song, right? It said something about a heart's desire? I see mine. Well, to be fair, I just assumed that I was going to find another place to have the crowds cheer for me like they always do. Full fame and fortune is what I'm looking for. Draven! Draven! Draven! Draven! All of you can join in at any time. I thought this wasn't Draven, it was Draven. Thank you for remembering.

- Okay. - It's at this moment I never wanna make a perception check for me. - Oh no. - Oh fuck, rolls? I should probably open D&D Beyond. - 17.

- You laugh well, my friend. - Wait, you said perception? - That's zero to perception. - It's the one thing that Draven's not proficient in. - The one thing. - Draven got a 10. - I got the 10 as well. - Okay. - 23. - Okay. - 16. - 19. - 19. Everyone who got a 17 or above

you start to hear something as the immediate distraction of these new individuals that you're meeting. Suddenly, your attention is drawn as you hear skittering

I hear claws, very fast moving claws on stone and on boardwalk, as well as what sounds like the rattling of chains that seem to be surrounding you, just on the edge of the fog that you're now in. - I immediately pull out my raper and I go, "Oh God!" And I whip it around and start standing. - Easy there. Well, I hear it. - The dance is coming.

I'm the new enemy, why are you so on edge? What's the dance? You don't know, you're not quite there. You wanna see a dance? And I plant my staff and I start spinning. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I like this one. I've been following you around for four months, so I'd hope so. What?

- Yeah. - You've been following me. - I brush your mustache at night. What's the dance? - Not that. - It's at this point, you all start to see silhouettes as you hear loud, what sounds like a squeaking gnashing, as horrible monstrosities the size of large dogs erupt out of the fog. They look like a combination between rat and shark.

as build rats or razor fins leap forward towards you as you hear a voice call out, "Oh, you're in the wrong neighborhood, friends. This is the territory of the Grim Trawlers." As you all see chains with hooks at the end fling towards you and you need everyone to roll for initiative. - Oh, my gosh! - Oh, am I advantage on that? - Oh, no. - Ha ha!

I got a lot of high numbers. Can you even do this? So all of this? Can you even count that high? No. Honestly. So you guys can place yourselves like rounds. Mike, you drew for real.

You must like us. So we're at the end of the dock? You're like around the dock, yeah. Or like, you're probably all around here, yeah. You're this way, right? You're the rogue. You're probably all around this area here, wherever you want to be. Like on the edge of the dock? Or like on this side? Can you pass me the camera? We're probably the loners off in the corner, because we're cool kids. It's just going to be all over.

Coming up alleyways. Does Kelso have a mini? I did. You did? Where is it?

- Seven? - Rich, can you fix my character sheet? - What? - Pics is with Lulu. - There are seven. - Pics is with Lulu. - Pics is a separate open you, me, and next to Lulu. - We have to play find the penis. Mikey always accidentally draws a penis somewhere in the map. - Accidentally is what you think. - I'm seeing something in the back left corner. - I'm not seeing it. I think this map is actually pretty good. - Thank you for the follow.

You know what? Don't. No, thank you for following. Stop following.

I'm kidding. So, with this match over, we're going to do-- We keep saying thank you, oh, we're saying no. Yes, anti-freak, please unfollow and then refollow because I said so. And she's not, so you have to do it. 21 for Rakan! I got a 21. 21. I'm Draven. I'm Draven while you're in. 23. The end is for now. 20, 23 for Timo. Yep.

We're gonna be annual for now. One thing I forgot to do. Yeah, I know. What'd you get? The name's Draven. 21 as well, so who wants to go first? Dravenus or Recon. Judge. You go first. Okay. 21. Okay, 15 to 20.

- I got 18. - 18, okay. We're gonna have you, you're going to be-- - Yeah, Abby, we cleaned up the map for now. - Irish clown. - Yes. - Okay. - Over the rest is just a whole deck. - With that, what did Braum get? - I got a 13. - 13, got it. - I got a 14. - 14? Okay. We're gonna have, what's this? Persia, blah, blah, blah.

- So I'm gonna, I don't have names quite yet. I'll get that done when you guys are role playing. - Okay, I was very confused. - You're gonna be Hizaki by the way. - All right. - And Ernest, you're gonna be Caprice. - Here, let me, well, why don't we do this so I can write on it? 'Cause you don't wanna write on the Caprice one. - You're gonna be Caprice and then you're gonna be Hizaki on there. Okay. - So that's Rakan. - That's Rakan.

- Who's Caprice? - Caprice is Zaya. Okay, so they're going to do, okay. - It appears as though Draven's fallen-- - I had an 11, so I'm probably down at the very bottom. - I'm below you. I got an 18, so I'm below. - You got an 18? - Yeah. - Okay. - Bop, bop. Teemo. - Draven, right here. - Draven's there. Mandrake. - Teemo's there. - Technical difficulties with paper.

It's a very technical thing. And then, her erotic iris. Did you know that you can write on it? Cool. With many different pens. Okay. It's very versatile. You can fold it and make a swan.

- Okay, with that, Timo, you are up. As you see all, yeah, you're 23, right? - Yeah, I thought somebody was ahead of me. - Nope. - Nope. - 23, you see these warf rats and these dopp gang members as they begin to close in on you with murderous intent. - Jeez Louise. I'm looking at the map. - Oh wow, that's a lot of penguins.

That is a lot of things. Okay, so my traps. Is that? And bear with me because I'm wearing a... You can bonus action to throw a trap. Okay, I'm going to toss the trap out. Do you have a what? Erase marker? Because we should be placing them that way. I'll just throw a little guy out. A giblet. So I got that there, huh? Okay.

Okay, I'll give you all my details. I'm gonna throw out a mushroom trap as a bonus action. And then, I'm going to target number seven back there and take the blowgun. Okay, attack roll.

- 22. - 22 hits. - That is 10 damage. - 10 damage. That is enough. You fire the blow dart and the little warfrat, right? It pierces Anne and it lets out a shriek and a squeak as it collapses down into the water below. - Oh, what number was that? - Seven. - Okay. - Number seven.

- I love this. Okay, with that, it is Draven's turn. - Hearing Braum say what he said, I'm going to not stand behind him and say, "Make way for Draven. "Who wants a piece of Draven?" And I'm gonna attack number two there. - Okay. - My hand's gonna be all over the battle map here. That's gonna be a 19 to hit. - 19 hits.

Are you talking though, the Warp Rat? Yeah, number two. It is gonna bounce in a one, two, three, four, five direction. How many feet? Four times what is 20?

- Is that what we're doing? - Yeah, we're doing five, so. - Jesus. - So like bear. - If I can, it's like in the water-ish, if I can. So then I'm gonna move, I moved five, 10, 15, 20, 25. So to catch the first ax. So that's gonna be 11 points of damage on number two for the first attack. - On the warfrat, it flies and cleaves in half and it bounces back. - Then I'll attack number one with my next ax,

Which is only gonna be a 12 to hit. 12 misses, it dodges out of the way. Bonus action attack is gonna be a seven, sorry, 16 to hit. That'll hit. Which is gonna be seven points of damage. Seven points of damage, it cleaves in, what number is that? To number one. Number one, seven points, it cleaves in, it's looking rough. And then with my caught axe, I'm going to hit for 23. That'll hit.

- And that'll be another 11 points of damage. - Okay, you finish it off as it cleaves in half and you catch your axes. And with that, it is Rakan's turn. - All right, let's dance. Number six, I'm gonna attack the one. - Okay. - Is it a six or nine? - No, it's a nine, yep. - Nine, the one that's in front of Zaya, I'm gonna attack. I'm just gonna slap it in the face. - Okay.

- 18. - 18 hits. - All right. That is nine points of damage. - Nine points of damage, it is barely hanging on as your cake whips around and smacks it. You hear the crunching of bone, but it is still holding on.

I look over at Zai and I say, "You love it when I slap fools." - I love this. Okay, with that, it's Zai's turn. - Is there space for me to swing behind Rakan to your side? - I would say yes. - I'm assuming opportunity attacks. - Yes, that's a good point, thank you. And you see that as they are running at the pack, they seem to be tactical in this nature as they do that. - Tactical. - And that is going to hit from one

- And the other one is going to miss. As one manages to slice in here, it's gonna do just a little bit of damage. - Rakan, please pass Draven the toucan. - That's seven points of piercing damage. As one, as you've, although it's about the size of a dog and has the body of a rat, a full shark head gnashes into you, tearing your flesh, but you do manage to back up. - Okay. - You all right, babe?

- Fine. All right, D&D Beyond crash. - Thanks, D&D Beyond. - But I shoot the one that mine, that Rakan hit. - Okay, yeah. - I think seven plus 11, 18. - 18, it hits. And it has one hit point left, so you just fling your feather into it and it pierces right through the head and it falls into the wharf. - And I have the ability to count to two, so shoot the one that's left.

- 16 plus 11, so fuck. - Yeah, that hits. - Misses, barely. - A lot. - I don't know where my weapons are. - She goes, "I don't know how this works." - Can you give me a dry erase? - So eight points of piercing damage. - Eight points of piercing damage to Warfrat? - Yeah. - To number five? - Yeah. - Okay.

- The one in the far corner. - Yeah, oh six. - Oh, would it be-- - Your feather is piercing into it as it lets out a yelp and blood is pouring onto the boardwalk. With that, it is the wharf rats turns and they are going to, they're going to all run at just everybody here. - So they start their turn, so this mushroom blows up and all three of these guys take damage. - Oh, okay. - So how does it work?

When a creature enters this area for the first time or starts its turn there, it must make a con saving throw. On a failed save, the creature takes three D6 poison damage and three stacks of poison. - That's one shark rat and one-- - What's the DC on the con saving throw? - Baby otter. - Tell me, bitch. - The DC is five, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16. - 16. - Fail on the wharf rat, success on the trawler, on the pirate. - Okay.

- Three, two, three. - Those of you who get concerned when Rakan disappears, my husband has a very small bladder in his back. - But he loves strawberries. - He really has to go get the strawberries. - 11.

So the one takes 11 damage. - 11 on the warfrat, five on the-- - Jesus. - The mushroom, this is gonna be fucked up. - The mushroom is not visible and suddenly, and you see both of them coughing horribly as they're, you see the pirates puking up blood as the warfrat, its skin turns purple and blue and then dies and falls into the water. How much damage did the pirate take? Sorry about that.

- Five? - Got it. On number, he has one. - Two. - Two? - Okay, and then I'm going to, since I didn't move my last turn, I am also hiding, so I'm going to shoot the blow dart. Oh no wait, is it my turn? - No, it's your turn. - Okay, cool. And then they are going to run forward. One is going to run forward and go onto Renee's mini.

- Is that Rakan? - Yeah, that's Rakan. - And make an attack on Rakan and no one's around it. So that is going to hit though. And it does six points of piercing damage as the Warfret chomps into you. We're going to get two onto Lulu. - No! - And two onto whoever, what's, where is, what you call it? - That's Fiora. - Okay, Fiora, two onto Fiora.

That's gonna be one on Fiora. Another on Fiora is gonna hit.

Can I use my reaction as a defensive duelist to add three to my C-Pitch? You can. What about C-Pitch? Both were... Sewage? Both were 22. Nevermind, I needed a 20. Okay, so both are going to hit. And so we're gonna roll your damage first real quick. 14 points of piercing. One's gonna be a miss on Lulu, actually. The other one is gonna be a hit.

And that is going to be eight points of piercing damage. And then are there any other warfrats that are alive? Yeah, one is gonna be next to Timo and it's gonna try to attack Timo. And then one is next to you. That one already struck. Got it. Cool. And who are you hiding? I'm hiding. Okay, I'm gonna see if they can sense you. And what's your stealth? Just roll a stealth. Oh, roll a stealth. Yeah, yeah, roll a stealth.

- Oh, that's not very good. - 14. - 14 and with a natural 20 plus whatever, it does seem to see you and it's going to make an attack with a natural one. It fails, it stumbles and slips in its own blood. Okay, with that, it is Hookfellow's turn. And with that, they are going to

step forward and whip their chains around. Fiora, it's your turn. - Must feel like a deep shit. - Hearing Braum ask me to stand behind him and cannot control me because you're from Fjallraud, then I will listen. And I'll turn around and I will run through them and I will attack with my rapier. - Do you understand anything she's saying? - Draven, are you called about? - What is the one directly last? - 10. - 10. - 10. - Or three. - I'm going to attack with my rapier. - Her attitude.

Andras. Oh, merci. I do look good in this bag. I got you a great list of my favorite colors. 16 tweets. 16 does it. Oh, merci. Did she just say 16 tweets? What's a tweet? Draven doesn't know what that is. Merde only got a one, so it's going to be nine Mergicle Piercing. To the Warfrat.

What number? Ten. Ten. Barely hanging on, once again, as your blue rapier stabs in, does not find the weak point to kill it. Oh, God. May I finish you now? Oh, that would have been a natural 20, but it landed on my baguette! Ah!

- Yeah, it's literally-- - It's literally a baguette. - I have a baguette pen that I am playing as Fjord because I felt it would be very dramatic. I will reroll to die, I suppose. - It was dramatic. It ruined your natural 20. - Oh, that's still really good. - Dramatic.

- Oh, it would be a 27, eight. - That'll hit. - Good, and that will probably finish him off with a 14. - Yes, it does, and one hit point left. - Excellent. - With 13 points of overkill, you stab into its head, it lets out a squeak and then dies. - I will-- - Ruham, you're up. - No, I have not finished. - Oh. - Full, I will use a burnish action to compare duel on the Mr. Rat next to me. - Number three. - Did you just assume that rats gender?

Yes. With that... I attempt to compel it. What's the saving throw on that? It is a wisdom of 14. 17. This is the year you're 14. The rat looks at you and it's like, nah.

and with that with that it is the uh the grim trawler i don't know what she says but she does like the battle

Are you fish? Are you rat? I can't tell. And I'm going to do twice. I'm going to attack twice with my shield. I forgot as a bonus action, I will rage. Although I think of it more as smiling. Laughter.

aggressive smiling. Braum is aggressively smiling right now. I'm feeling his subtotals. I think you're the most smiling. Where's your mustache? I know, I know. I don't need a bald guy. What did you do?

- I missed twice and then I... - Aggressively smiled. - So you were smashing and trying to destroy this creature and it is very nimble, shockingly, considering how all of its friends died horribly. And with that, we are going to go to the Grim Trawler gang as they're going to step forward within 10 feet of the wall.

of Draven. He's gonna step towards Draven as he swings a chain with a hook on the end. We're gonna get one towards Fiora within 10 feet. Yep, yep, yep. And where's the other guy? There should be four. - 10 feet from Braum. - Did one die? - Yeah, one died. - One died. - This guy's dead. - Oh, he's dead. - I gloriously executed. - Okay, sounds good. I like that. - Ha ha!

With that, it's going to swing the chain around and we're going to do a chain attack on Draven, Fiora, and Braum. It counts to Draven. So Draven is going to be an 11. Yeah, I know you are. Is this because you don't know the AA attack?

Fiora is going to be a 17. Does that hit? Okay, and so it swings around and actually rather than doing damage, it's going to whip around your rapier and he's going to try to yank it out of your hand. Oh, for my dead buddy! I'm going to ace this. I am not proficient.

- You're 12. - 12, just underneath what you needed. - No! - I'll take that. - As the rapier flies out of your hand and you hear him say, "I'll be taking this." And it flies within the space in front of there. - Okay. - Okay, and then one on-- - Sound. - The one on Braum is a natural 20. And with that, he's gonna do the damage with that bad boy.

- Bah, why did you come up here? You're distracting me. - I'm glad I chose to smile this round. 14 points of piercing damage as the hook, the chain rips into you. - Yo, that's a lot. - That is just a pickle.

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- He's gonna step on to, in melee range of all of you. Draven. - Which one? - So Draven. - This guy? - Yeah. - Oh, he, I already, okay. - He's gonna step now forward and they're going, he's gonna get you in the hook. Can you move to Braum and Fiora, please? And then I do two knife attacks. And that's actually gonna miss on Braum. Fiora, one's gonna miss, the other's gonna be an 18.

- I will use my reaction to Red First. - And you deflect it easily, and then two on Draven.

- One is gonna be a 15 and a 21. - Draven does it all, ah fuck! - If he starts bleeding out in the streets, let him die. - With that, you're gonna enjoy seven points of piercing damage, or slicing damage he slices into you. Okay, with that, it is Teemo's turn to go. - Who was that on? - Teemo, you're up. - But it's my turn. - Oh, yes, it is, it is your turn. Your last. - The other one.

Oh no, this is horrible, get it, Pix! And I'm gonna Glitter Lance at the one attacking Draven. Okay. And both Pix and I are gonna Glitter Lance. One is a natural 20. How do you feel about that? Thank you, thank you. The other one's a natural one, so I'm gonna use Lucky. And it is not a natural one anymore, but it's still really looking good. 15.

- Sorry, one second. - Natural 20. - They clipped your orgasm. - Ooh, 16. - So they all hit. The glitter lances shoot forward from both the strange fluttering pixie and the yodel with the large staff. - 22 for the crit. - Okay. - Damn, it's fucking gone. - 13 for my hit. - He explodes into a...

Glitter. Into glitter. There's literally nothing left of him except like a little patch of like singed glitter business on the dock. And with Pix's action, he is going to place a shield on Draven. Okay. A glowing, shining shield envelops you. For one temporary hit. Yeah! The crowd goes wild!

- With that, it's Teemo's turn again. - I appreciate you, Abby. - You're the best, Abby. - So I am going to, oh, I guess I'm right next to me. I didn't see that guy. - Yep. - So hidden again, do I need to roll that again or to see if he sees me? - I would say, who are you attacking?

- Number four was the one who knew where she was. - So if you're trying to attack the one who knows where you are, he already knows where you are 'cause he was looking for things to attack. - Then I'm going to kind of duck down and lean between their legs and fire a dart off at six. - Number six. - Number six that you, yeah, he does not see you. - Okay, cool. - So you're at advantage. - You're at advantage. - You're an unseen attacker. - You'll use your sneak attack.

- You're almost never not gonna use it. - Yeah, so that is 24. - I always chase a Singed. - Don't chase a Singed. - I do it though. - That's why you die. - He gets me every time. - That's why you die. - I know. Well, not if I'm Sona, am I right?

- That's true. - 24 damage. - Half of the time. - The dart explodes and lets out a squeak and dies. - So I'm gonna scurry this way. - Okay, opportunity attack from the, are you at full health? - Yeah, I am. - Okay, nevermind. He's gonna make a regular attack on you. It's gonna be a 14. You dodge out of the way as you scurry on over.

My husband lost a race. So because you attacked out of stealth, you get another attack. Oh, I do? You do. It's gone forever into the abyss of the dead. I will fire a dart at number five. Sorry, I already used the ostradi. We'll find it.

- Don't get mad. - 24. - Yeah, that hits damage. And this is on the rat, right? - That is 10 damage on rat number five. - Rat number five, another one. You follow, it pierces into its flesh once again. - Another one. - Its skin, its blood doesn't bulge out and its eyes go wide as it dies. - Okay, and that will be the end of my turn. - Okay. With that, it is Raven's turn. - As I'm spinning my axes, I look at this last little rat guy over here and I say, "I'll leave this one for the birds."

You have a shield on you, it's weak, but you've got it. I give you a wink, a very handsome wink. And then I say, heads up! And I throw, I make, I'm gonna make two attacks at least on number four. Oh, watch where you're throwing, bonus. So that'll be, yeah, number four, the pirates. That'll be 20 to hit. What's that? For 12 damage. Okay, he's alive. What's that?

- Sorry, 17 to hit. - Hits. - 10 damage. - Cleaves into a chest, he is dead as he collapses to the ground. - Boom, that's another one for Draven. And then I'm gonna attack number three, the little rat there with my bonus action. And I can't probably catch this ax, but I'm gonna try. - Abby, you just need to catch these hands. - That's a 16 to hit. - 16 does hit. - Abby, he's just thinking really hard right now. That's what's happening.

I'm not catching that ax. That's gonna be seven points of damage. - To rat number one? - To rat number three. - You managed to catch it again, but it is still hanging on. With that, it is Zaya's turn.

- What do we got that's left? - There's a dude right next to me. - I don't know what is happening with my brows. - It's a rat shark. - Are they all rats? - You should be able to just move them a little bit first. No, definitely move them a little bit. - I'll go in front of the rat, I guess.

- Magic marker. - There you go. - I guess I'm just gonna slap it. - Thank you. - You slapped the best support I've ever had. - Almost the colors of the setting sun.

14 plus seven. Yeah, no, you smash this thing. Rakan smash. What number is he? Rakan slap. Number four. Slap. Seven to hit. Or seven damage. Seven damage. He's still hanging on as your brilliant cloak smacks into it. As I slap him, I just say slap. Slap. Slap. Slap like now. It is Zaya's turn.

- I'm gonna kill the thing that my lover failed to do, but I'm not gonna move, so it's a disadvantage, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Unfortunately. - That's okay, I still got a plus 11, so I'm at 17. - Yeah, you missed the camera, so you just fling a feather at it. - I have a plus 11 to hit. - Yeah. - Why was it disadvantage? - 'Cause I'm right next to it. - Oh, I forgot. - Yeah.

- I promise I'm a DM guys. I know these things. - Wrench on my character sheet. Why does it say about these words? - That's enough as you finish off the one that Rakan had weakened. - Can I see the other one on the other side? - I would say you'd be able to. You have bird eyes. - Okay, I'm gonna shoot the person for shot number two. - Okay, person number two or three. - I can't see it from here unfortunately. - Oh yeah. - 19. - 19 hits.

- So there's a feather in the ocean somewhere. And then there's-- - You shot this guy here? - Yep.

- This is land, right? So we're good there. - Yeah, there's a building. - So 11 damage. - 11 damage to number three. Your feather flies in and it's glowing. - There's one behind me. - He's hanging on. - Wait, didn't you kill the one that's by me? - I did. - Oh. - Yes, he's dead. - I wasn't hitting the rat, I was hitting the person. - Yeah, he was already dead and so then number three. - Oh, behind three. - Oh, person three. - Is that Lulu who's across from me? - This is Lulu here. - Yeah. - Oh, no. - That's Pix. - That's Pix. - That's Pix. - Oh, nevermind. - Okay. - Pix should be with me.

- I was gonna say something. - With that, there's one rat left. He's out for blood. Which between Lulu and Braum? Have either of you taken damage? - Yes. - Oh yes. - Okay, so he's going to go in between you and he's gonna roll a d6 to see who he's going to attack. He's going for Braum. - Which one? There's two rats left. - Oh, number-- - One and three. - He's gonna go. One's going for Braum, the other one's, they're both going for Braum. - Oh baby.

I assume you natural 20. Again, ooh, bite strong. I roll for roll, though.

Eight points of piercing damage. No, it's only four. And the other one's only gonna be a 15 to hit. That misses. You block none. I divide by half with. Okay, with that, it is Fiora's turn. Where is my weapon? It is in the square right next to you. Do I need to-- can I use a free object interaction to pick it up? You can. I will do that. Okay. Excellent. I will move up one and I will attack the one in front of the prop. You do that.

Excellent, I think that would be quite good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 22. 22, that hits. 10 points of magical piercing. You stab into it, you kill it instantly. Excellent. Move up one more. Finish you off. 23. 23, that hits. And that will be...

13 points of magical piercing. 13 points of magical piercing. That is... He's barely hanging on. As he's gripping his wound. Peasants! Brom, you're up. Do I have anything to do? I will...

That is a... the highest to hit is a... I guess lowest... the first one hits, second one is a 13. 13 barely hits. Okay. So that's just 2d8 plus... an 8.

- Eight. - That took a really long time. - Six, 11. - 19 points of bloodshed damage. - 19 points of bloodshed, you smash him into a bloody pulp. He drops his chains and hooks.

And with that, it is, oh, it would be their turn. It's now Lulu's turn. There's one rat left. They aren't going to like this. And we're both going to hit the guy in front of me at disadvantage for me and regular for Pix. I miss. And Pix is probably going to hit with a 20. 20, that hits. What number rat is this?

- 14. - What? 14 points of damage, how do you wanna do this? - I wanna explode his head into glitter. - Okay, just ahead of time. - Can you grab me my d10? - There's nothing as much as you reach out your staff, it's able to dodge, but Hicks lets a burst of glitter land and it's just right as the shark head is completely incinerated and collapses onto the ground.

And as quiet returns, you suddenly hear something. A lit match as someone that you didn't realize. One last gang member, a large barrel of gunpowder is getting ready to light it, blowing the docks of smithereens, sending you into the water with all the razor fins and sharks to be devoured by the carrion gulls.

And as he's getting ready to light, he's cackling maniacally. He lets out a scream. How did we miss that? As a massive pink and wet tongue wraps around him. And you hear him screaming and get pulled into the fog. And you hear a sickening... Oh no, the fog has teeth. Oh no.

I nominate Draven to be in first. Okay, bye, Draven. Are you telling me that you're all scared? I'll be happy to check it out. Okay, you walk straight in. I walk several steps towards where this creature... He's very courageous. Yes, can I help you, small one? It's kind of my thing. I could scout ahead.

Does she not know who I am? That's a boy? I'm sorry, did you just misgender this yordle? Does this yordle not know who I am? I transcend all gender! Who are you again? I was with you for two months and you forgot I existed. I'm sorry, it was the mustache thing that I blocked from my- anyway, it doesn't matter. So be it, go! Alright, I'll be right back. Then I'm gonna sleep.

You sneak forward and it's not soon, it's not long until you see a massive looming shape, wide and bloated. This massive mountain of a man is the largest person of your party, but this creature is even larger. You see finally as the fog starts to part, a final, a loud swallow.

As the fog parts of all of you now can see, a massive catfish creature, glowing yellow eyes, as he has a piece of bone picking his teeth, a massive smile of razor sharp ivory teeth. As you now notice, he seems to be very finely dressed, wearing a waistcoat, top hat, and

Two coats stitched together over him. I do pardon the interruption. I believe you have all heard the call. Pleased to meet you. Not as pleased as I am, darling. Are you the one that plays the music? Forgive me for the alluring siren song. There were many that were called, but only seven that answered. Can I do an HR check to figure out what race this is? You may.

- Sorry. - 14. - 14. I would say that you would know that probably you get the sense of, is this a Vestayan, like a fish type Vestayan? This seems far more grotesque than any aquatic of Vestayan that you know of. You would know that this is something entirely different. - Okay. This is not one of our blood. - As she's kind of saying this, I say,

What look do you think he was going for when he picked that outfit out? I think he just vomited on himself. Now, a gentleman always holds down his meal. But it is my song you have heard many who called you were the only seven that answered. I offer you a simple bargain with very meager reprise. You all have your desires. I've seen it.

And that is why you are here, is it not? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And so, perhaps, since you've made it this far, will be a very simple continuation of our partnership. He waddles forward. He's big? Yeah, he's a large creature. Tall. Much too tall. He's not that big.

No, he's tall. She said the thing. He lumbers up to you, Lulu. Girl, I know where you're trying to get back to. Yeah. But you know what they say, all the world's a river and I'm its king. No. There ain't no place I've never been and no place I can't go again. I can take you there. Okay. He then continues to waddle up to Draven.

I see your arrogance isn't unfounded. Do you want the adoration and appreciation that you rightly deserve, my boy? You follow your desire, you will find it. Draven always does. He continues to waddle up to you, Braum. You are well known and frail-yored. I am. Everyone tell tale of Braum, but...

They don't know who you are, and Ionia, Noxus. But this is true. If you want to be a hero of Runeterra, not just Freljord, you follow me. My husband fidgets, that's why the camera's on. Well, I've never met fish with mustache, but I trust you. My mustache could eat yours, boy. Well, I'm not sure about that, but it is quite big. He reaches out and he flashes you a toothy grin. He then turns to Yurikon.

You, both of y'all, you want his head. You want Zed to be dead, baby. And you may wanna make sure that she achieves that goal. Is that right? Something like that. Is that right, darling vengeance? Very simple tale, but a delicious savory dish all the same. She'll take it. He leans down and he tips his hat.

Pardon my manners. I forgot to introduce myself to the lovely lady and her compatriot. My name is Tom Canch, and I am the River King. Folks around here know me, but y'all from out of town, just like some pesky in-laws, you'll get the same response and reception here. But unless you pay heed to the River King, I'll take you to where you need to go. But I see the end.

of your line, the end of your quest, girl. And I see his head on a platter. He continues onward to Fiora. And I know you hear the whispers, what everyone says about your family. Oh, the shame and dishonor. It's not very nice. How terrible it must be. You haven't killed enough men to put an end to those rumors. But I can help you do it. What do you know of Arno? I know who has it and who don't, girl.

I know what it takes to lose it just as much as I know what it takes to get it back. So hard to earn but yet so easily burned is honor. Finally, you. You are the hardest. You're about as pleasant as a rat as a bridal shower. That sounds great! I've seen a lot of darkness in a lot of hearts and it is a pleasure to tantalize yours. You will have what you seek, boy. I usually work alone.

Well, I understand that that may be the case. He kind of steps back up a little bit. But I know that y'all might not normally on a normal day get along. But today's a very different, very special day. Y'all are going to be tighter than seven peas in a very large pod. I like the way he talks. That was a very specific reference to him.

You do talk nice. Please continue. Am I boring you, boy? I'm sorry, what? A lot of words is a little hard to understand. Okay, well, I will keep my words as trite and to the point as I can. Did you say trout? What's trite? No, I said trout. Now, trout is a delicacy where some of my people come from. Point is...

I just need one simple favor and he reaches into his coat and he pulls out a tiny bottle of rum. I need y'all to offer this to a god. I don't know if y'all know much about religion, if y'all the worshiping type. They have folklore around here. Some of it's about me, but mostly they talk about the mother serpent, the bearded lady. You're gonna be hearing that a lot. But somewhere shrouded in these aisles,

The Serpent Isles is the heart of the Serpent's Heart. And in there is the heart of the God. Single drop of rum from this here bottle into the heart and your desires will be yours. I just put that on hard and I can go back to the Glade? Exactly right. Okay, I'll do it. Sure. Well, there's only one bottle. Is this right? There is. I will hold on to it. Okay. I do not drink such spicy liquids.

But we're in agreement that if we do this, you'll get Draven everything that I've ever wanted. Do we all get what we want or there's only one? You all do. Yeah, I mean- And that's why y'all need to get along. Oh, like everybody. Like those peas in the pods. Consider it done. And then as soon as you all get what you want, the mission is over, y'all go back to hating and killing each other for all I care. I'm a bit skeptical. Big fella. Yes? He's real safe. Like a bug snug in a rug.

Like the cutest poro I've ever known. Even cuter. He hands it to you. Impossible. I want to take out my rapier. I'll put it on my pants. Lay it on his hand as he's handing it to Braum. Trying to kind of stand between him momentarily. How do we know we can trust him? Well, he's not human. That's a good start. We don't. And we can't. But I want the thing. I'm not sure anyone in Runeterra has that kind of money. But I'm willing to find out.

They exist. You're gonna find them. Girl, you're the one that followed the call. It was alluring enough for you to get here on this dock. And after all, I saved y'all's lives from the hungry fish below. You can trust me. Everybody does. I could have saved myself. I have no equal. Well, you may have no equal as a man, but a big barrel of gunpowder? I might bet on that.

Y'all know what to do, but it's not easy to get there. You're gonna have to first get a compass, very special compass. Oh, shit, what's a compass? Don't worry about it. It's a very special compass. It's lost. Lost in a wreck, but that is in

The Harpies Banquet. The most dangerous straits in all of the Isles. And for that to get there, you need a ship. And there ain't only one person in all of Bilgewater that has a ship that's that nimble, that quick. And that's Captain Fortune. You gotta get it from her. Y'all know, you all heard of her. She killed the old big boss.

- Yeah. - She seems strong. - Vakhan, keep your hands to yourself. - When she walks, hearts come out of her butt. - Oh, that it does. - That's why I said, or so I've heard. - Well, when there's many a man, I've looked into many a man's hearts and that butt is very popular. - Why you gotta keep your hands? - Draven wishes to change his greatest desire. - I know. - The Stian.

You do that one simple task and whatever it is you want, you will have. So, it will be tough. She has consolidated her power over this lawless city. It's not as strong as Gangplank had it. She wants to get it there, but I have a way to give y'all a hand. And he spits up

a human hand, an arm, a full human arm covered in saliva, but fully preserved. It lands on the dock with a sickening slap. And you see that the arm has been severed at the elbow, almost bitten off, but the arm has been cut open. And very clearly on the bone, you can see it's beautifully scrimshot.

the designs of tentacles and waves carved into it. And you see that there's a number of rings on the hand. And you can see very clearly there's one at the center. It has the sigil of the mother serpent wrapped around the cutlass.

the sigil of Captain Fortune. I want to run and try to pick up the arm. You do that. I'm able to just pick it up. You're able to pick it up. It is disgusting. I'm going to pick it up and be like, look at this, guys. I like your style. And I toss it back down onto the dock. Why is the man stupid? Because he's stupid. You don't know where the dock is, B. What are we supposed to do with this? These will help us, you say. Oh.

It is the only thing that can help you, my friends, because there's been a melancholy over Captain Fortune's heart. Vengeance is a compelling dish, isn't that right? But once you achieve it, is that emptiness in your stomach ever filled? No, there's a lonesome melancholy that washes over you. That quest, that journey is coming to an end.

Is it really ever gone? Don't worry, there's more on that list. And there will be more on her list when you show her this. This is the proof that she needs that her journey ain't done. Her vengeance ain't achieved. The old boss is alive like she wanted, like she worried. This gameplay, fella. Of course. He, like this fella, lost an arm too. This seems to be his new hallmark.

But this fella, this poor, poor lad, may he rest in peace, was one of Captain Fortune's trusted lieutenants. Now he ain't no more. I can only presume and guess what he told Gangplank when he was being tortured as long as he was until he passed out. But that'll be all of the proof that you need. And she'll probably give you whatever you want. Cool.

I will not be touching it. I'll carry it. Where is she? Where can we find her? She's all the way up there. And you see him point his finger. The fog now is cleared as the sun is rising over the horizon, basking bilgewater in the glow of dawn.

as you see a city made out of parts of ships and ramshackle together. You see the massive butcher's bridge that connects to the temple of the mother serpent. And you see a large galleon, almost fully formed. She's in her private quarters. Y'all, hustle. You may be able to catch her before she sits down to breakfast.

- Parley, that's what the types like to do here. Just say the word parley and I'm sure she will be accommodating. - You say parley. - Parley, girl. - That's where I'm from. - What do they say where you come from? - Parley. - I've been to Demacia, girl. - Why is she growling at us? - Like the man whose mustache is only second to mine, I don't hear the difference between those two words. - Y'all gotta fight for second, he strokes his tendrils, his catfish tendrils.

I have been told girth is better than length. You can't tell, but I've grown quite a beard under here. You keep it up, boy. You're doing all right. Thanks. Clean shaven is better. You've got some dirt on your cloak, by the way. If you tell him again, I will cut you. I'm sorry. It's just right there. We go now, you have grosar. Yes? You go... Yes. Yes. We go now. Yes. And...

Just tell them you need a ship that can get through the Straits, the Harpy's Feast. And then when you get there, you need to find a ship, a wreck, with a masthead woman coming out of a spiral shell rubies for eyes. It's the best fishing, the best monster hunting, the best diving, but it's the deadliest point in all of the Serpentine House. Well, we wouldn't want it to be boring, now would we?

And it ain't going to be. But with that, I must bid y'all adieu. And when y'all need some help, a little nudge in the right direction, I may be around. Good luck. Goodbye, fish man. - Thank you. - And he steps away and is almost immediately covered in fog. And you hear a splash.

Oh no. He bid us to do something, but he never told us what it was. He told us to put the liquor in the god. No, at the end, he said, I bid you adieu, and then he just left. Which is why I don't like turtles. They make, they give us a bad name.

What? I'm not one of you. It's not their fault. No, I know, but the humans are stupid and can't tell the difference. Yes, that's true. They are cute, though. No horns or mustache, but cute ears and strange hats. There's nothing strange about my hat. This is a helmet, sir. Strange headwear. Standard, is she?

I'm holding this really gross soggy fish stomached arm, so what do we do now? Well, we go up there. I don't know how to get there. We do the thing, right, Sam? The thing. Yes, we do the thing. And she will explain. I don't know. I think as Brom would say, let us go. Would you say that, Brom? We should go.

We hear a very powerful lady does not want to be disturbed during breakfast. It is most important meal of day. Then let's go! And Rakan just starts walking in the complete wrong direction. Honey, come back! He has initiative and I'll start following behind Rakan. That is the wrong direction, honey. Right, of course, I knew that. And the right direction is... This one. That one. I walked that way. You all make your way through Bilgewater.

As I change the music to the appropriate built water music. It's pulled up here. You make your way as you see this city doesn't really sleep, but the hustle and bustle increases. You see almost a fleet of ships leaving Blood Harbor off to fish, to plunder, to seek fortune, to slay sea monsters.

as you see men, women, children of all varieties descending into the docks. You see the white wharf named for the huge number of carrion gulls who turn the docks white. You wind your way up the cliffside city.

And you see the alluring call of taverns, of houses of ill repute, gambling halls of all varieties. And as you make your way through, you have a very singular goal, singular desire the River King puts you on. But there's almost an unnatural pull towards all of the various points of desire here. This place has a power.

As you make your way, you see the huge, infamous Butcher's Bridge. Right? Yeah, Butcher's Bridge. As you... You know that that is where there has been numerous, countless battles of various dock gangs, now fully controlled by Captain Seraph Fortune. You eventually arrive to the massive galleon at the top of the city, and with the ring,

You are immediately let in. You just hold the arm up. You see that all of the guards and crew members that are guarding her, guarding this galleon, are repulsed, but know not to interfere. It seems like they know whose hand this is, and they immediately start attacking.

ushering you in and they look around and you see that there's some whispers as they see and they hear the word Ionia, Demacia, Noxus. Sounds like the first night we lived. Good times. And you see one, an old, grizzled,

- A pirate. He has a hook for a hand. Thank you, Slave's Life. - Thank you for the hose, thank you. - As he looks at you, Timo, and his eyes are wide with fear. You don't know why. There's something familiar about him. As he kind of, he backs up. Eventually, you make your way to a large,

elegantly carved door, that same symbol, but beautifully emblazoned into the wood, painted. And you stand before it after being ushered there and there's a young, almost like a cabin boy. He says, oh, go on, knock. I ain't gonna do it. I knock with the arm. Good luck. You step back and with a...

- You're kind of shaking off the last bits of globs of Tom Kench's saliva. - Globs. - As you wait and you hear the creaking of a chair sliding back and you hear the clacks of boots. - Relax, my dear. - As they get louder and louder and the door opens

And you see a single figure standing in this doorway. Beautiful face, huge mane of red hair, whites and blacks and grays in her captain's outfit, a large hat, possibly even larger than Lulu's. No. As her ruby red lips

purse and her brilliant eyes stare at you, discerning, but with a bit of guile to them. And she... Are you just holding the hand? Yeah, I look up. Does this arm look familiar? She stands there and she just kind of looks at all of you and she looks at the arm. What do you want? Oh, we want a ship that's really fast that's going to get us where?

To the Harpies... Harpies banquet. Harpies fleas. Sir Khan, could you try to explain to this wonderful lady why she should flee this? Of course, my dear. We, um... What am I saying again? We need a boat to get to the Harpies banquet. Well, we were wondering if we could perhaps enlist your services to get to the Harpies banquet.

- Thank God you're handsome. - Come on in. - I know. - And she reaches out and takes the arm from you, if you will release it. - Yeah, thanks. - And she takes a look at the ring.

- That's what I thought. And she steps forward and you see that it's a private quarters. There's a doorway probably off to a bed chamber, a very well stocked liquor cabinet, beautiful maps hanging everywhere. You see a large table with an entire map of Bilgewater and the blue flame aisles around it. - I like after she kind of says that and kind of walks in, I just kind of do a very big flourish as I kind of

be doorman and gesture everyone in and kind of, "Come now, come on, come on, come on all of you." - And she

She goes back to a large desk and she pulls out the chair and sits down and one, two, her boots rest on it. She leans back and folds her arms, her two pistols at her side, and she pushes back her coats a little bit and just to show you that they're there and that not to try anything. As she folds her arms, she drops the arm on the chair

on the desk. So, you came to confess? Is this a diplomatic mission? I don't even know. A catfish peeped that up at our feet and told us if we gave it to you, you'd give us a ship. That. What she said. You want a ship? Yeah. To go to the heart's please. We don't need the ship per se. I think it was more just the, um... Travel. I think it was a ship. Travel. To the heart's please. Banquet. Banquet.

and showing me that one of my lieutenants got killed. Yeah, apparently he told Gangplank some stuff. Whatever that is. Something about him... Gangplank's dead. Do you want to see something really cool?

- The catfish. - Are you mocking me? - No, look, I can fit inside my whole hat. And then I just climb into my hat. - This, you know, we've had a very interesting morning. There was this catfish fellow, he appeared out of the fog, he spit out this arm, said something about the captain, someone being alive and that your worst fears-- - Your job failed. - Yeah, that.

He's not dead. Yes, what the burned man is saying is that the catfish man says that someone that you killed isn't killed. And that you want him actually killed and not mostly killed. Yeah, and there's... And there is some stuff written on his bone. Look at bone. Make a persuasion check, Willow. And advantage, because you're being a suspect. Fuck!

Persuasion, you say? Are you sure? I am. 21. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. Are you going to make it warmer? As she... Probably. I'll leave him for the sake of the bro. Do you want the heated blanket that's over here? Yeah, you can grab it and plug it in. She stops and looks around. You're not being put up to this by some aspiring gang leader, are you?

- I'll mention Tom Kensch is an aspiring gang leader. - Didn't we kill one of those? - He had the big fish mustache. He had top hat. - No, no, not him, the human. - We killed humans. They were bad humans. - I've killed lots of humans for her. - And the River King came to you in person. - Well, that's what he called himself. And she kind of- - She said that, or he said that we should talk to you before you had your breakfast.

She looks over and you see that there's actually like a dish with a metal lid on it. It seems to be very hot and pleasant. She looks like disappointed and then stops and turns back. Also, I really like your heart butts. Your butt hearts. Join the club. Where do I sign up? She leans forward and she takes a look at the arm and she reaches forward. Oh, Tom, you fool. Is that with an H-M or an O-M?

- Damn it. - And she looks as her eyes widen, as she observes the carvings on the bone. - This, no, I mean, I saw him a week ago. - Well, you saw him today too. - No, she means Tom, not the man. - Yeah, T-H-O-M, not T-A-H-M or T-O-M. - Oh, Tom. - I'm pretty sure that's pronounced Thong.

- Fuck. - I can't argue with that. - I think you mean to say you saw the man that once owned that arm, nearly a week ago. - Yeah, Tholham. - And yet here he is dead, carved by a person you don't like, and he's seemingly dead. - So you should give us a boat so we can go into the harker's fleas.

- I wanna walk over to her steaming breakfast and I'll put my cake behind me and carry it over to her desk and kind of open it in a gestured manner and lean down. - I walk over and I eat some of it. - I immediately pull it away. - Thank you! - I try to avoid why you think you're gonna spit it. - Oh, is there cheese? - Here! - All right, stop it! - Making a full of me.

- Capitan, we don't want to waste any more of your time, but we understand you have the best ships in all the fleets. I'd be more than happy to feed these grapes and cheese to you myself with my very, very sharp rapier. - Draven would also like some grapes and cheese. - Not everything is about you, shut up. - Some would disagree. - Yeah, it's about me. - I like where your head's at. - On my shoulders?

"It is a nice place." She looks and as you open, you see it's a beautiful cut, like filet of some kind of fish. And there's a variety of fruits piled high onto it. And she looks at you and her eyes look up and down. "Maybe after I kill that son of a bitch." And she takes the tray.

and throws it against the wall. - I'll still eat that. - But food! - If you are confirming that you need someone killed, there's no one better to handle it than Draven. - Is it human? We're good at that. - It'll be the easiest kill I've had all year. - That kill is mine. And you're lucky. You're even better looking than he is. - Debatable. - Is it 'cause he has that scar on his face? - Then there's not a body.

They're not dead. It's the mustache. Who have you told about this? The fish man, but he told us, so it goes both ways. I might have been humming a song I made up about it on the way here, but I don't know if anyone heard it. Me too. She reaches down and in a quick motion, she draws one of her pistols. Ooh, what's that? And she points. Do you know what'll happen to this town if Ford gets out that gangplank's still alive?

Well, we certainly wouldn't want that to spread around with me. I don't know. I see the chair like, closer to the desk. Hop up on top. Captain to captain, I think we can figure this out. I know better than anyone about a secret operative mission. So you can trust us to get the job done. Just take us with you and we'll make sure that kills yours. Yeah.

Make a persuasion check at advantage. See, I helped. It amuses Draven that the yordle has to stand on a chair. It amuses Zaya that Draven has to say his own name, not private. It amuses Lulu. She turns to you and says, I have a feeling a lot amuses you.

No. Ha ha! I have to not smile. This is so hard. I have to not smile. You want me to put some more of this on there? Yes. He likes to laugh. Ha ha. Don't freak out.

- My immersion! - My immersion! - Draven is attractive. - It's debatable. - Let it sit. - Let it sit for like 20 seconds. - No, no, captain, please continue. - As you say that, Timo, and she nods at you and says, "You're cute." - I thought you said I'm cute. - But you're cute too.

You're cute in a different way. Am I cute? But you're all pretty good looking, actually. Draven is waiting for his individual compliment. Do not pay him that respect. He doesn't deserve it. It's a good choice how few clothes items you decided to wear. You mean me?

- Both of us. - Draven can wear even less. - Silence. - If the humans start having sex, I'm going to vomit. - What? Why wear less when they can just wear-- - There's always time to span your horizons, but now is not the time. The time for vengeance is now. - I like vengeance. - But little one on your chair. - Which one? - The one on the chair. - Oh, I can get on her chair.

Well then that would be confusing. Okay, I'll stay off. I'll drink. I can't have any tea hurdles in the 40s. I have my own ways of dealing with Gangplank. What I need from you is silence. Not a word. Tell no one. Tell no one in Bilgewater. That's gonna hurt, but I'll try. We will do it if you take us to the Harpy Place. I'll give you a ship and a crew that can get you there. I'm gonna start immediately.

finding that monster, hunting him down like the warfrat he is. I'm gonna scooch my butt onto the edge of the table and kind of fling my cape back, and I'm gonna lay my hand on her boot and give it a squeeze, and I'll look deeply into her eyes and say, I promise my lips will be sealed, shit.

- As she's doing this, Rakan slowly walks upwards to where she flipped her cape and is examining her cape. - Comparing it to his own. - I do not flinch, I just maintain intense eye contact. - Make a persuasion check. - Does anyone else feel like it's getting warm in here? - Can I say as part of my- - No, just trade. - Why did I also roll the same thing you fucking rolled? - No, as I was doing that, can I use a bardic inspiration to get inspiration? - You have inspiration. - Oh, thank you! - Me with my,

- My capeness is giving you inspiration. - Wait until Maya gets a natural 20, you're not ready. - Oh my gosh. - It was worse. - No, it was slightly better. - No, inspiration is you add a, let me look it up. - Sorry, D8? - Yeah, D8. - Yeah! - Hey! - Big money. - Naturally! - Now, see you again. All right, that's gonna be a 17 for persuasion. - 17. She looks at you.

And she purses her lips again. And takes old Tom's arm and throws it into the pile. And she stands up. If I find out that any of you have said a thing about this, then nowhere on Runeterra will be safe. You understand that. - Skagflake is back!

Are you just trying to get it all out before we go out into the rest of Bilgewater? Do some stuff! Gangplank is back! Join me! We shall do lunges! And I just start doing lunges. Join me, Birdman! I assure you that if they decide... Varkondra starts dancing. She steps past Varkond and looks at Zaya. Can I count on you? He won't say anything.

I won't say anything! She nods. He's an idiot, but he'll lose it. Wait, what? You're cute! I know. She stands up as she walks towards the door past you, and she's full of purpose and determination. She looks and says, I'll make sure that you have a ship waiting. And

It leaves an hour. And when we get back, if there's no Mr. Fortune, I could use a little extra danger in my life. I'm going to be sick. Through the trial. So long.

Are you threatening to kill her husband? I'm asking if there is one. Why? We're doing a little bit of flirting here. Just stand back and let Draven work. You're not very good at it. You call this flirting? I'm working on it. I guess girls in Noxus are a little bit different. You should watch what Zion recorded they're doing. I don't even know what that means.

I haven't really been paying the bird people much attention. I am offended by that. I did say I like your style. Have you tried being bird person?

You could have ears or feathery cloak. And a brong could be your wingman. You realize how racist you're being, right? I don't even know what to say to that. I admire your feathers. It's not their fault, they're human. Yes, you can fuck them off of me and sell them at the market, human. Why would he want to do that?

Humans are stupid. When Gangplank's corpse is in front of me, then you're all welcome to try whatever you will. So does that mean there is a Mr. Fortune? Vengeance is Mr. Fortune. For now. That's a weird name. That's my ex-husband. Then we can discuss.

So she's saying there's a chance. Yeah. It is okay for you. She's lying to you the same way that Zyla is to Rakan. All humans lie. So your flirting must be working. Draven will have to think about that one. Probably not soon enough. There is always more snow on the mountaintop. Speaking of that, you come from a place where it's snowy, so why are you wearing any shirts? Because I do not need shirts.

The cold invigorates. Shirts are overrated. My fiery heart keeps me warm. I like the stitching on your hemline. Maybe Draven could wear a cape. I noticed it when I was looking at the beautiful broderie. It's so beautiful, isn't it? Uh...

Captain Fortune stops and she goes back to her liquor cabinet, opens it up, and just grabs the largest bottle of rum that she can find and she steps to the door and opens it and says, "You'll be on the Scarlet Dawn. "It leaves in an hour. "Get the fuck out of my office." Yes, I am. Good night, Miss Laney. Or good morning. You should clean up your breakfast. Bye.

Draven looks forward to seeing you again as I leave the room.

- You do this. - Good luck on your vengeance, Bloodquest! - I hold the door for Zaya and then immediately just let it go after Zaya's walked through the door. - Hey, uh, Emma knows! And I open the door and continue to walk out. - The door closes behind you and she closes it and she pulls out a large key ring and she takes the largest key and locks it and she goes down a different hallway than you do and she turns around and

gives you all one last look, make sure it comes back in one piece. - Okay. - And she continues to make her way and say, "And I shouldn't have to tell you this, "but don't forget to pay the tithe." - How much? - Whatever you wanna give, gold Kraken is all you need. - I don't have any money. - Good luck. And she turns and walks away.

You are ushered, it takes not quite an hour to get down to the docks. And you're able to discuss whatever you'd like to on your way down there. But you find the Scarlet Tide, a beautiful, well-crafted ship, not super huge, but it looks incredibly swift and nimble. And you see that there is a small crew,

Not much is needed to navigate this very simple two-mast vessel, but you see that there is a beautiful woman on the masthead that is almost enveloped in red hair as you make your way on to the deck. Unless there's anything you'd like to do in Bilgewater before you take off to the seas.

What is this tide she speaks of? I don't know. Is it the Scarlet Dawn or Scarlet Tide? Scarlet Tide, apologies. I may have said Dawn. Draven, I'm sorry, Draven. Draven? Occasionally gold coins appear at your shoulders. Can you pay for my tide? Well, Draven was a bit concerned about that as well because she mentioned this particular type of gold. In Noxus we just use gold. It all has the same value.

I'm worried that my money may not be any good here. Your money's good enough for me. Well, thank you. And I extend my hand. Ow, ow, ow. You're trying to rip my arm off. Humans are awful. Yes. I told you. Now you're starting to understand. Particularly ones from Noxus. There was a hair out of place. Thank you. Just behind the hair on you.

So how do we acquire this golden haken? Not familiar with the ways of the people in Birgewater? Who do we pay it to? The shipwrights, I think. Oh. Well, I wouldn't know. Are you serious about selling your feathers at the market? Ouch.

Can you actually sell your feathers at the market? That feels akin to me selling a finger on the market. They are deadly weapons. And it feels about the same. Do you want me to sell one of my fingers at the market? Then maybe don't do that. But they're worth a lot of gold. Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your own feathers, but so be it. Are yordle fingers worth a lot of gold? No. Oh. Please keep all ten of yours. You'll need them.

This one talks too much. I'm surprised you can count that high. This one talks too much. What? This one talks too much. To you or to everyone? To me. Have I heard of a golden kraken or a tithe or anything like that? I would say all of you make a history check. Draven knows nothing of history. I was rolling like shit.

But true lovebirds know shit. 15. 18. Draven got a four. I might know. I might not know. History? Wrong. Yeah.

- Three. - So the two yordles, I guess from the travels, the traveling portal to Bandle City. - Yordle portal. - Oh my God. - You know at the very least that a golden kraken is just simply a gold coin. You know that there are silver serpents and 10 of those equal a golden kraken. And that is the currency of Bilgewater.

but they'll take anyone's coin, but it is a special Bilgewater currency. - Would I know how much, when I was younger and people used to pluck my feathers against my will, how much gold they got for them? - Ooh. - Do we have gold? - Yeah, I would say you probably all have, you know, 50 gold.

That's funny enough, not on my character sheet. For whatever starting gold is. I like the 50 gold. I think that would be good. Rakan begins looking through a pouch and just throwing random items out of it that are like just random items that people would use. There's like silverware, there's like a cup, and there's just random things that he's going through. And he doesn't care about money, so he just takes some different gold pieces. He's like, is this a Kraken?

No. Is this a dragon? No. Is this a dragon? No. Just catching them as he's throwing them. Draven's character sheet says he has no currency. Draven finds this displeasing. I'm right there in your bag. That's what it is, those gold pieces. There are 15 gold pieces here. Suddenly you should probably add two equipment. But if 10 silver pieces

Serpents, you said? Yes, I'm the god of the world. Equal one gold kraken. Yeah. Then what is an electrum piece? Draven would like to murder Bra. Rakan would like to help. You hear an old voice as the captain, a grizzled old man with a gray beard, almost a green twinge to it. He looks at you and he says...

Electrum, there ain't be no Electrum. Must be a tall tale, a fabled coin, banished and cursed. Don't she be bringing bad luck to the ship? As he's saying this, Rakan is behind him, like miming it in a very dramatic way. Are you captain of ship? Aye, Captain Barnabas. At your service. Electrum! Rakan's still miming him.

The heart of failure, they call me. Do you wish to pay the child?

- We do, but we don't have coins. - We don't. - Yeah, we do. - Rakan is doing a one man play pretending to be everyone behind this guy. - I pull out seven pieces of gold and hand it to him. - One for each of us. That's not mine, that's everybody's. - That'll do. - I know. - And he walks over to the side of the ship and he throws the coins into the water. - Well, that's just a waste. - Now,

We all can be taken off now. And you all be in good hands. I'll get you to the banquet and back, no problem. You know how to sail to this place. It is very dangerous, I hear. Aye, it is. Ah, a brave heart in you. I'll slap him on the back. What's life without a little danger? Be easy, be easy.

We'll ship off now. And he makes his way and the crew, he starts barking orders as the crew begin to cast off and the ship, the Scarlet Tide, makes its way out of Blood Harbor.

and you see the massive corpses of sea monsters of all varieties, some of fish-like, others cephalopodal, others crustacean-like and reptilian, as they're all being butchered and sold for parts. You see the carrion gulls swarming over and diving down into the...

into the water to pick up bits of flesh and guts that are worthless. And you see the fins of the razorfish and the sharks that are absolutely all over this harbor. As you join a number of ships making its way out of the harbor, and you leave Bilgewater Bay and take it to the open sea.

You sail for several hours. The sun rises high into the sky and then continues to sink as time passes. And you see the other islands in the Blue Flame Archipelago, of which Bilgewater is the capital.

However, you see a large stretch of rocks and sharp reefs far off in the distance, and it seems to almost be shrouded in mist. From this distance, it's hard to make out, but you see that this is a very opportune, almost like a choke point, where if you were to be able to navigate through, you'd have quicker

shipping and quicker travel. And you see that there are great blocks of the carrion goals squawking above. As you get closer and closer and you start to see why. The mist, as soon as you entered it, you see as the

the brightness from the sun starts to get swallowed up by clouds overhead. As the storm clouds roll in,

The mist starts to engulf you, but you see the dangerous traits up ahead, and you see the jagged rocks, the colorful, sharp reefs, but amidst it is an absolute graveyard of ships. Dozens, possibly hundreds, that you begin to sail and weave through. And you see skeletons dashed upon the rocks, picked clean by the harpy albatrosses. And you understand why

This is called the Harpy's Banquet, as you see the ruins of hundreds of years, possibly, of sailors that are permanently entombed in these straits. And you continue to make your way, and you see that Captain Barnabas is quite capable. Despite his age, he's moving about with a surprising nimbleness, and he's commanding the crew

commanding the crew with a great level of authority, and they all seem to heavily respect him. And as the mist gets thicker and thicker, and the sun continues to get more and more shrouded by dark clouds, it gets darker. The large lantern is lit and hung out on the mast,

And there's a call to slow down as the waters get choppier and choppier, and the ship begins to move a lot more nimbly. And you understand why it's so difficult to find a ship that it can possibly be this agile. And you see as Captain Barnabus is looking around and

And the boat rocks a little bit to one side, almost suddenly, as he looks around and he says, "Oh no, that's impossible. We paved the tide--"

he explodes into a splintering mass of wood and seawater. The captain? The captain. As the boat lurches to a sudden halt. Step behind the boat! As crew members are thrown about. Ha, the dance. What's that? What is happening? Also a question? Yes. Is this how you usually go? Would we have had a short rest at some point? Yes, you would all enjoy a short rest.

Holy shit. Holy fuck. Guess I should be more liberal with my abilities here. As you see, first, a burst of seawater and wood splinters as the captain gets completely almost blown apart. As crew members scream, and you are luckily able to avoid it, but you see what caused this. A massive metal anchor

rising up through the center of the hole, sending all of its contents scattering as wood splinters and you lurch to the side and the ship begins to sink. As you hear loud creaking and groaning as the anchor lands on the deck and then is pulled down with a rattling of chains. And suddenly you feel another alert as the ship rocks again and you see a massive looming hand

giant metal, almost shell-like, grab onto one side and heave up as a massive titan from the depths in a metal armor that seems to be part of the body and glowing red, orange eyes heaves itself up. Everyone for initiative. I can't believe you're having a spider alien soul, mate. Oh my god. It's my greatest bot lane weakness.

I'm about to have horrible, horrible PTSD in the last, like, month. Instabam. Thank God it's not me. There's the shop. Gotta look for the penises. Oh, my. I see one. I don't. Oh, this is a pretty... That is a big old wanky danky. That's a big old not a lot of penises. Oh, it's good.

- It's a big maney boy. - Yeah, a big maney boy. - And you hear-- - Oh, there's the penis. Oh my God, Mike. You did that on purpose. - It's Nautilus' penis. - You hear a loud booming voice.

as it almost echoes in the armor. And although you are above water, sounds muffled, drowned, as you all are surrounded and you see all of the crew have been flung off or blown apart, stabbed with shrapnel. They crash onto the reefs and the rocks all around you. And the harpy albatrosses and the carrion gulls waste no time.

descending upon them, but it's too late for them. As the massive beast that has emerged from the center of the ship, its voice booms out, "Did not pay the tithe." And with that, I need 20 to 25. I forgot to roll like a dumbass. No. 21. No, I already rolled. Raven, 23. Would you like to go first? 23 for sure. Raven would like to go first. 21. We should put our, where are we? I got a 29.

15 to 20. At the front or the back, either way. 15 to 20 is an 18. 10 to 15. 13. 13 for Fiora. Braum and Lulu, what'd you get? Place your cells wherever you like. Nine. Nine. Who wants to go first?

Braum can go first. Okay. Where are you? Here, and with that, we're going to see where all of us are. I should be with Pix. Over here? Okay. Feel free to place yourself wherever you'd like. Can we just put this between you two up here? I suppose so. I don't know, can you?

Let's turn him around. So is he gargantuan? Jesus. He is a huge creature. Is that his class? Yeah, he's a huge creature, you can tell if that's relevant to your classes. The base is actually shockingly apropos. He heaves a massive anchor and looks at all of you with these glowing orange eyes,

but they seem to be just dull, but they are intent and aggressive towards you. Zaya, you're up. - I'm gonna cast Hunter's Mark on it. - Okay, you do that. - I'm just gonna fucking shoot it. - Okay, you fling two feathers. - Do you need me to draw feathers on here? - So first shot is 22. - So just anywhere behind the target from where she is, just put like a dot on that square. You know, just like five or 10 feet behind. It doesn't have to be perfect. - But if she hits with both?

- Then there's two. And you can either put it behind in a line or next to, yeah, it's fine. It's gonna be hard to miss this guy. - 12 for the first shot. - Both feathers fly and glowing. - You'll be better at this. You play Zion. - 10 for the second shot. - 10 for the second shot? Got it, okay. - He's setting up that whole-- - Hell yeah. - With that, he's going to use a legendary action as he stares at all of you and says,

Kill the guilty. As he is a swirling cocoon of what looks like seawater and dark eldritch power surrounds him as he gets a shield, what appears to be. I know that move. With that, it's Draven. I'm gonna take five, one five foot step forward, and as I begin to twirl my axes, say,

God axes need victims. I'm gonna make three attacks. You did the thing! I did the thing. You did the thing, you did the thing. First one's gonna be a 22 to hit. That hits. Next one's gonna be a 25 to hit. Hits. And the third one is going to be a 20 to hit. That hits. I will roll for one to see if I can catch the axe before I start doing damage. Eights I have to reroll.

Five, oh boy. One, two, three, four. Five's gonna come almost right back to me, so I'm actually gonna step back and catch it behind Fiora as I catch it to make one more attack. - Ah! - Sorry. - Watch where you're throwing that to. - That's gonna be a 17 to hit, the last one. - 17 misses. - Okay, so only three attacks.

Which is gonna be eight, nine plus 18 is gonna be 27 points of damage over the course of three attacks. 27 points of damage, okay. So, uh...

you throw, throw, throw, throw, one clatters off of the huge anchor, but as you pierce, pierce, pierce, you finally slash through the cocoon and it is now dissipated and the final one seems to slice a little bit of the armor into whatever flesh there is. - All right, get some, Mike. - Okay, with that,

I think there's one more. I try, you know. It's for the people at home. And he's going to look at you and use another two of his legendary actions on Braum as he takes his huge anchor and flings it forward onto mine. Oh shit.

- Oh wow. - Hold on, this might be it. - Think carefully, friend. - 17? - Misses. - Okay, you manage to block it with your shield as the anchor clatters off and the creature pulls it back. And as soon as that happens, you hear the last croaking groan of the creature.

of a sailor that's relatively close to you as he's slinking down into the water. No, Nautilus! As he's swallowed by the sea. And you get the sense that that's the name of the creature, so we don't have to say that it's not. What's that? Teemo, you're up. - Who the fuck is that? - Was that? Oh, got it. You can roll a Teemo, you're up. - Mal is confused as to what League of Legends is.

I'm gonna look at Vatom and say, "Size is a liability." And then I'm gonna run down 30 feet down the side of the ship. Uh-huh, you do that. And I'm gonna fire a blowgun. Yeah, right there. A blowgun. I'm gonna fire a dart for my blowgun. Yay! She said the thing. Gotta give it up. I don't know why we're clapping. 19. We clap at everything. 19? That barely hits. Wow. 10 damage. 10 damage.

- It fires and you see it get a weak point as it does that. - And then I'm gonna bonus action hide. - Con saving throw? - Huh? - Con saving throw? - 'Cause you poisoned him on the-- - Does that happen with the darts? - No, so he gets a stack.

So he gets a stack from that. Okay. But it doesn't happen. I didn't know if he had a shitter roll to get the stack. Oh, I didn't know that. It automatically gets a stack. So yes, a hit gets us a stack. You see that the poison seems to go, it hits him and you'll see what happens. And with that, oh, it's his turn. Oh, that is, no, those are his legendary actions. As you see him step forward. Forward, forward.

- How many? - He can move 30. - I mean, he's just gonna-- - Yeah, the mask is, he smashes the mask. - Yeah, mask gone, fuck the mask. - He smashes the mask. - Get that shit out of here. - He says-- - And he's gonna take, just walk directly up and you see as he, the same kind of eldritch sea water that surrounded him kind of almost engulfs him as he stomps onto the ground.

as geysers of seawater and eldritch dark magic burst out all around me and everyone 30 feet around me. Everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Last three of you are within 10 feet of me. Yay! Which one are you? Yellow. I'm the yellow one. Nope. You guys are out. Is it dex, you say? It is dex. 17. I have advantage. Yeah!

- You're all fucking queen! - Oh, heavy mind, heavy mind. - Yes! - Oh, fuck.

- Draven. - Yay! - That excitement is only matched by Draven's excitement. - My lashes almost fell off with that. - You ever yell so loud you blow your own eyelashes off? - Or eyebrows? - Or your mustache or your eyebrows, you know, anything. - Oh, that was good. 28. - Hold on one sec. Everyone who got,

- 15 was a DC. - Oh my God. - Bone passes. - 15 plus. - They're natural baby. - The lashes or? - 26 points of cold damage if you failed and half if you succeeded. - What was that? - Did anyone say no? - 23 or 13? - No, I think I got a 17. - All minutes to dodge out of the way as it all burst all around. - How much damage? - 26 divided by 13. - 13.

That's a lot of damage. And that's his turn. I hope the god of this world remembers we're only level six. Give me one second. I want to look at something to see if this changes what I wanted to do. If I failed, I was going to die in one hit. Yeah, it's fucked up. I mean, I love it. Okay. Um...

I'm going to take a step forward and I'm going to throw out with my cape. I'm going to cast a, or I'm going to throw my gleaming quill at him. So that is a ranged spell attack by me. That is a

17 plus eight. - This thing is very important for the map. - Yes, that hits. - Oh, that hits. - La la la la la la la la la la la la la. - So, 46. - It's very good. - Can I borrow a d6? - No, I have hundreds of my own. - You may. - He can't have any of my dice. - Ooh, two sixes is a five and a one. - Boom.

- 12, 13, 18. So that's 18 fire damage. - Okay. - And all allies within me regain. - Within you. - Oh, within you. - We are within you. - Raven would like to be in Rakaz. - Six plus five, so 11 healing damage, right? - Something about him. - So everyone within 30 feet of me,

30? Holy fuck, yes. So you see as I throw out a quill and as the quill kind of hits him, I am kind of energized with some sort of magic and then it kind of bursts out in a 30 foot radius. How much heal do you have? 11. All allies, four plus two is six, plus five is 11, yes. Is it heal or temp HP? It's healing. Okay, cool. Do I get a two?

Everyone is 30 feet. I think you're barely at it. Five, 10, 15, 20, 25. Yeah, yeah, 11. 11. Now that's teamwork. Feeling refreshed. Draven is better than ever.

- With that, he's going to look at you, Fiora, and he is going to take his anchor and smash it down onto you. Guilty. And he's gonna make a attack roll. - Okay. If it is above, if it's below 20, I'd like to use my reaction.

It is a 24. I will not take any reaction. As he smashes down onto you. Oh my god. Give me a hug by the giant gun that's gonna fuck your shit with his anchor. That was us, I mean, that's exactly his theme song. So you know how like-- That's what we're kinda singing. Hey hey, Nautilus. Fuck your shit with his anchor. Yeah yeah.

- It's such a staggering strike. It smashes down into you and it does 14 points of bludgeoning damage. I need to be the strength saving throw. - Yikes.

- You can't do it. - This wasn't disease damage, was it? - No, no, this is a staggering blow. The Nautilus special. - Very bad. - They call it the Krusty Anchor. - Strength of God, an 11. - It smashes you and staggers you and you feel a dark energy as the swirling dark Eldritch magic swirls around you and you are restrained. - Could I use my saving face?

- Ability here, once for short rest. If you miss with an attack or fail an ability check or saving throw, you can gain a bonus equal to the number of allies you see within 30 feet, max plus five. It says no action. - Is that a paladin thing? - It's a saving face. I've never seen this before. - That sounds like a custom thing.

I've never heard of that. Sounds like a paladin thing. It appears as though we've made Fiora OP. Fiora just... So if you fail a saving throw, which I now know that I failed, so it's after the roll, you can gain a bonus equal to the number of allies you see within 30 feet max plus a die. Let me check to make sure that that should be there. The Raven believes that if it's on your character sheet, you should be able to use it. Oh!

Oh, no, that's your Hobgoblin, I mean, Demacian trait. Yes, you can use that. Hobgoblin, ah. So you can do that. You heard it here first, folks. Demacians are Hobgoblins. I'm actually with an X-2 cost. I'd like to use it, which will bump it up to a 16. A 16. Damn it, just passes. Just passes as you manage to resist it. Okay. With that, it is Fjord's turn. Your turn now. I've been a noob in that one. You follow up.

- That's cool. - Who's turn is it? - It's Fjord's turn. - Fjord, it's actually your turn. - I will not go out without a fight. - I will make an attack. - Draven? - We're not like him. - He's gotta pee. - With my rapier. - That should hit with a 25. - I'm going at 25. - I'm gonna make this a Demacian Smite. - Yee! - Oh, yee! - Does Raid, very nice.

Does Radiant versus Piercing... The reason why I usually look hard... That's very you. So that would be 16 points of damage on my first attack.

- You do that? You stab into it and you channel your Demacian Training and it cuts even deeper with your special, was it Sapphire Steel Rapier, whatever it is? - Oui. - Next attack is a Necro Re-fucking 20! - Okay, there we go. - Hard limiters. - Hard limiters. - I'm going to make that a second level Demacian Smite.

So that would be six D8s, eight D8s. I need five more D8s. I don't have any over here. There's zero over here, Maya. I need five more D8s. Maya, do you want some D8s? There's zero over here. I don't have any. I took you literally. I'm sorry. I'm joking. How many do you need? I need two more now. For those of you in Ottawa,

I have like four sets of dice sitting in front of me. And they're all rocked for me. My passive perception is a 10 and also a 5 on Maya. There's a lot of dice in front of me. Oh my goodness. Oh my god. Oh my god. I don't know what she said. Steve?

If you want to learn other languages, use Draven lingo. Why should I? Just say Draven. It's Runeterra duolingo. It teaches you how to say Draven. In every different language.

Fiercing and radiant damage as I strike through. The problem is no Dracula. As you pierce in, you find another weak point. It stabs into this armor. A vital point. A vital point. And you stumble forward. What are vital points? Oh dear Jesus, Lord Almighty.

- What? - So 2d4. - Someone didn't read all their features. - Yeah, time out. - So is it 2d4? - Did you read your, did you? - No, no, no. - No, no, no. - Did you read your character sheet? There's a feature where essentially it should be under features and traits, I believe. - I'm not there. - It's not there? - It should be under one of the features. - It might not be, my guess would've been, I didn't put it together, but the idea is you pick an enemy, right? And you'll roll a d4 for a cardinal direction of north, south, east, or west, and that will tell you the vital point that you're trying to hit.

I don't have anything on here that says vitals. Go to... Oh, it's not your fault. Go to man's levels. You didn't put that together. And read it there. I don't know why it's not showing up in your features. It's probably something broken with the custom thing. Anyway, roll a d4. I'll put your vital point down there. The idea is that... Okay, I don't see it here. I'm sorry. He's going to turn around and swing, and he says, they will pay.

He's gonna make an attack with follow up. Anchor smash on you. Once you hit that point though, after you roll your d4, then you can, another vital point will show up, right? And the idea is you dance around him and keep hitting the vital points. Oh, okay, so. Minus what? I'm gonna roll a d4. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is gonna be a 19.

He's attacking. To me? Yeah. I have my reaction. Yes. So I'll use it to go into defensive duelist, and that will miss. And you parry it as it's about to hit you. Okay. Why does that ring on the bathroom? I rolled a three. So then depending on what you want it to be, whether north, south, east, or west, I would say one, two, three, or four. If you strike him from the front, you'll trigger the vital point. We put that bathroom there just for you. And then I don't know what the stats are. You need to come back from there. It's the same idea as if you played Fiora.

the vital points will spawn and you're trying to strike them and then another one will form and you try to strike it and you want to dance around it. Be like a defensor. You don't know that, Mal. I'm familiar with the ability. I didn't realize it was different here. It's all good. No, no, no, I mean, like I said, it's nice. I rolled a three, so I think we were saying one, two, three. The one right in front of you. Yeah, so you won't have to move to hit that one. Yeah, vital point. Okay, you do that and you--

You designate a weak point in the shell of what looks like an old diver's suit, but it seems to have become a carapace for this creature. Braum, you're up. - I will-- - You produce a rig? - I do. - I know I did.

This was a lot to throw together. That's why you're a hacker. I'll look up and I'll say, angry rust man, you just need shaming. And I'll take my shield and I will smile and I will attack him recklessly. If we're talking about... Happily.

How do you see when you roll them into a pile of dice? They're colored. So one, I think only one hits. 19 is the ace of eight. Yeah, so one hits. That's just the one. Four. So it's five damage. Five damage. Yep. Okay. Get it, Kim. Five damage.

as your shield smashes into it and you see him as the cocoon once again forms around him. - Okay, with that, it is Lulu's turn. - Oh, it's my turn. - Was the guy shield master on a huge guy or no? Is there a size limitation? - I think it's one size up, not huge, large. I'm pretty sure it's large. - Ha ha!

It's just a... shove a creature you can see within five feet of you. Is it a contest or anything? I mean, like... Right, so it just means it's probably gonna be strong as fuck. Okay, I will... Let's see how you do! And I'm going to do my bonus action to attempt to shove him. So it is a contest, I believe, right? Yep. Good luck. Athletics, right? Yep. 21.

I know. You smash into his leg and it just looks down at you. And then it uses a shield. Lulu, you're up. Let's use all the colors. And I'm going to cast, yeah, thanks. I'm going to cast Faerie Fire so that it hits him from behind. Okay, Dex. Oh wow, Dex. He does not have great Dex. DC 17. Perfect. Do we get fucked up if we walk into it with a plus zero? Don't walk into it.

It's a one-time burst, right? Yeah, any creature in the area when the spell is cast. Got it. When it's cast. 16, so that fails. Yeah, so he is now affected by it. You see, he's all glittery and sparkly. And I'm choosing to use all the colors. Yes, all the colors, and it's very glitterly and sparkly. Okay. See you in a while.

- And then, yes, so, and then Pix, I'm going to command Pix to use his action to put a shield on Fiora. - Okay, Pix darts over to Fiora and once again that glittering shield engulfs you as you are protected by the fairy. - Dust 'em, Pix.

- So I'm gonna keep checking now. - All right, saying it closer to me, not gonna like that too much. So I'm gonna go poof. - You get five Gem Parade hit points. - Oh, nice. - Much appreciated. - And then I'm going to, I maintain Hunter's Mark on it, so I'm gonna shoot it again twice.

The feathers land even if they don't fly. It's advantage. Perfect. So that's the first roll. So 18 for the first shot. Oops. The second one misses because I rolled a two and a one. You're at advantage on him. I know, I rolled a two and a one for the second shot, which means it was 13. Somehow that fucking happened. That's rough.

So I'm assuming the short shot 18 hit? 18 barely misses. He's glittered. Well, then I got nothing. That's my turn. Did the first one hit? No. Oh, okay. So you fly and they seem to be completely absorbed by the- Thank you, Aaron. I'm getting gamer for the host. Thank you. It's reflected by the tough armor. Draven, you're up. Before I had my turn, I yelled to Rakana. I said, you're doing great, sweetie.

Thanks, babe! My eyes kind of narrow as I look at the bird people and I say, "Let's admire me for a bit," and I make three attacks on the-- Advantage? Oh, they're all at advantage? Yep. Holy-- Because of Firefly. Oh, son of a gun, are you fucking kidding me? That's a hit. Yep. Get an 18 and a 19. Damn, 18. Yep, barely misses.

And then a 24 on that one. Then I'm gonna roll to see if I can catch this axe. One is, oh, oh no, says Draven. Yeah, I can't catch that axe. So that's gonna be two attacks that hit for 17 points of damage. Okay. And then I'm gonna move five, 10, 15.

15 is 25, 30, as I'm circling him. Okay. And I accidentally move. It doesn't show up. You can just tell me what it does, and I can write it down. So you fire, and it slices through, and it seems to chip away at some of the cocoon, but it still seems to continue to swirl around him. So did he reactivate his shield? He did. He reactivated his shield basically once per business. Okay, with that, it is Timo's turn.

All right, I'm going to, since I am bitten-- Oh, you warned him.

- And you're at advantage. - 24. - That misses. - Fits. - Whoa. - What do I need to do with the stacks? Just be aware of that. - On his turn, he has to roll con and then he takes damage based on how many stacks he has, if he fails or passes or whatever. - Okay, so, damn it.

- 15, 16, so that is 17 damage. - Do you want the heated blanket? - No, she has it. - Do you want the jacket? - No. - She took something out. - That's just a regular blanket. - Yeah, this is just like a shawl. - So he's gonna take 15 damage from the blow dart. - Wasarnax, I recognize that shawl. - And then I'm gonna toss a, like on his back heel, 15 feet in front of me, I'm gonna toss a mushroom.

You fire as another dart hits him and it seems to pierce in. It finally dispels the watery eldritch cocoon. It bursts, hits him as it seems that the poison seems to seep in. - Tall folk don't last long around here. - Oops. - That's fine. - That's what she said? - And with that, it is...

There you go. With that it is... Oh, Nautilus has turned. He has to roll for Teemo. I have to roll for Teemo. How does that work? So, well, the first thing is that it's gonna trigger this mushroom and gain extra stacks. So I have to do that first. Boom. So, Fon saves. It's plugged in, so you can just turn it on. Before or after the stacks? So you get three stacks. Or yeah, we'll say before. Okay.

And then that is 3D6/4D1.

How many is it per stack? You're welcome. I forget. Is it D4 or D6? What did I do? It says, on a failed save, the creature takes 3D6 poison damage and 3 stacks. Oh, for the mushroom exploding, yes. Yes, so for the mushroom explosion alone. And then it's a 1D4 per stack of... So that is a 9, so that is 10 from the mushroom, and then he has... Four stacks. Oh, five stacks. Holy shit. Two darts and three from the mushroom. And then it's, so it's a D4 per each? Jesus Christ. That's 5D4. Damn.

Holy fuck. This is what it feels like to fight a Teemo. I have seen some fucked up shit in Noxus, but this thing is truly evil.

Holy fuck! He is... That's a double team on 14. As you see the poof of venom. The yordle has the stench of death all over him. As it turns to you on... its turn

- How's it looking? - He's looking not great, but not terrible. - I recklessly attacked, if that matters. - Oh, that's great. - Get fucked, bro. - Get fucked, bro.

He's advantaged. And he's going to turn towards Teemo. And he takes his anchor as he chucks it. And move. Oh, okay. What's your stealth? What stealth did you get? Do I just roll that every time? Every time you use the hide action, yeah. Okay. Spell. Spell.

22 perception. 17. 17, so he can see you, and he flings the anchor, and we'll see what he gets here. Natural 20. Can I do a candy dodge? I will use my reaction and say, Stand behind Brom! And I'm going to leap to her, in front of her. Wow. And I'll take the attack. Oh, shit! Okay. Nice!

Oh my god, I love custom characters so much. So quit my face. So quit my face. Quit me, daddy. Quit me, daddy. Daddy, no. Wow, okay. I'm really uncomfortable. I want to go home. Wait, I'm already home. I live here. I made this bathroom this morning. For me to not go into

25. 28? 28. Ooh, that's more than I thought. And he flies, I guess. You basically split the difference between each other. And so he'll move five feet and you'll move five feet. He doesn't really even need to move. I mean, he's enormous. Yeah. He can move one of them. I mean, like, well, he takes up like three by four. Like, what do you want? Yeah, that's a circle. Well, then it's, that's what I'm saying. It's either four by four

Or it's three by four, right? So if it's four by four, he's not going anywhere. He doesn't move anywhere if it's four by four. You see what I'm saying? He's three by three. Yeah, see here. That's what I'm asking. I talked from my health. And he's going to just follow up because you're in the way. He's going to follow up on you. He's advantaged.

Find the guilty. - Now we're gonna watch our first friend die. - But now that he took damage from that, do they-- - That's gonna miss. - He needs to make a con save against them. - That is good. - He passes the con save he purchased. - As he smashes down on you with an anchor, and it's just an anchor, it's not a staggering blow. - Oh. - So. - I didn't realize it was as a reaction, I wanna cast Wild Growth on Braum.

- Okay. - Enormous! - And I'm gonna make him gigantic. - Boom! - So he's gonna hit you and you twirl damage. - No, after the initial hit. So it's my reaction. - What's the trigger?

- After his first hit, after he took the crit. - Okay, that's fine. So he's going to-- - Yeah, well it's just a reaction. So my reaction to him being hit is that. It doesn't say anything else. - So Braum becomes, what happens? - He is, yeah, he's really big. He is enlarged. - I gain the benefits of the enlarged spell. I'm resistant to all damage. And what else?

and all hostile creatures within five feet make a deck save or are knocked prone and push five feet away. - Wait, you gotta, yeah. We're gonna have to back him up 'cause Teemo's going into the water. - Do we have any, where's the Mithos? - I'm just large. - Do you want him to be Lulu? - Yeah, let's have him be Lulu, yeah, that's fine. - Is Lulu too low too? - No, yeah, Lulu's gigantic.

We're the same base. Use the coin. So you see Braum. He's a massive mountain of a man, and he just gets even larger to be the... What about that little thing behind you? Yeah, what about... Almost the same size of this creature. And he needs to make a saving throw. Could you slide a little bit that way? Deck save. Deck save. He fucking fails. Here. So he is knocked prone and pushed 5 feet. I look like Henry Elmuk. And you...

And he grows. Oh, he's not as large as Nautilus. He still gets much bigger. And with that, despite when you get pulled in, it's almost as if he was making it easier for you. You leverage your shield up, get underneath the helmet, and it pushes him back with a loud crash. You all shake as he lands onto the ship and the wood splinters everywhere as he lands on his back. I thought I was big before. And with that...

Stand back up, we'll keep the hit, 'cause I rolled that. Yeah, sorry, I just didn't realize it was reaction or I would've done it sooner. We'll keep the hit and that is going to do 13 points of bludgeoning damage. Is it halved because of the Wild Growth? Yeah, it's halved, yeah. So six.

And with that, he is going to stand back up. - That's very fire. - With his movement and that's his turn, Recon Draw. - Am I up? - Yep. - Braum, how are you looking at your eyes? - I'm like quartered-ish. - Yeah, I'm pretty good, I'm pretty good. - You've only taken a quarter or you're at a quarter? - No, no, I've lost about a quarter of my health. I'm not bloody, yeah.

- Thanks to a tank shirt. - Oh yeah. - I'm gonna try and go, hey, look at me, I'm a distraction. And I'm gonna try to cast blindness on Nautilus. - Okay. - Nice. - So that's a con saving throw, I believe.

- Which he's probably really good at, but I'm gonna try it anyways. - 16. - That is my DC. - Okay. - So that succeeds. - So yes. So as you see-- - No, Ty goes to the-- - Roller. - So you're fine. - Yeah, so a burst of a blinding light from your cape and it seems to almost do the trick, but then the glowing orange eyes still peer out and it seems to still be working. - Hmm.

Big man, do your thing! And I'm gonna inspire Vrom. Yes! That's my bonus action. You do that. I'm a Santa now? I am big now, so. I am Santa. With that, he's going to use a legendary action. Vrom evolves into Santa. As the cocoon swirls around him once more.

You're up. I'm going to move directly in front of him to the vital point that I have isolated. I will make an attack as it's advantage because he's probably fired. Yeah. How long does Frag Fire last for the Lulu trait? Is it one round? No. It's probably just concentration, isn't it? Or no? Yeah, it's concentration and it's one minute. Awesome. And Wild Growth is a concentration, so...

- Oh, 17? - 17 misses as it clatters off of the thick metal armor. - Stupid. - He's standing again though, right? Yeah, he's standing again. - Oh, that will hit. So that will be 27. - That will hit. - I will, it's an additional D6. - Mm-hmm. - Roll an extra D6. - What's my D6? - 'Cause I will hold on back. So it'll be this, this, and then I will do another Divine Smite. So this will be another 2D8.

- 10, 12, and 20 points of magical piercing. - 20 points of magical piercing. It pierces in and it seems to almost have burst the shield, but it still continues to swirl around him. - And then I will just hit it back around him with the rest of my movement just to kind of get out of the way. - Braum, you're up. Oh, with that, he's going to actually follow up, I think, with...

and attack on you. Okay. He's gonna try to Staggering Strike. Okay. And that is gonna be a 23. That will hit. Okay, and with that, he's gonna do Staggering Strike on you. That is gonna be... It's the wrong character. 21 points of bludgeoning damage. Ow! It smashes into you because Strength Saving Word will form you, please. So no. Psycho God! Strength Saving Word. Nope. Yeah.

- Echoes from the deep. - 21. - Echoes out of him, 21. You managed to hold yourself strong. With that, it is Braum's turn. - I will... I will again... - Now that I'm big, right? I'm just gonna walk up to him and say,

I'm almost as big as you now, and I think I'm quite strong. I'm going to attack him twice. Show me your pecs! Not recklessly, because he's fairy-fired, correct? Yes. Truth.

So, ooh, those should be two hits. He just makes it up. He's like, I take these two, I'll pair these two together. Yeah. They're color coded. Uh-huh, true. Would they be if they're two color coded ones? 26 and 21? Yeah, deal with that. We will then take... Maribyrn, not yet. Give us time, give us time. Five...

- Six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 damage total. - Okay. - The shield ruptures as you smash into him several times. - Okay. And he's looking like he's starting to slow down a little bit. - And then I will bonus action and I will try to shove him. - Okay. - So it is a-- - Athletics contest? - Athletics contest. - Beat team. - I beat him. - Okay. - So I will shove him.

I will knock him prone. Okay. He rolls to the ground. Hard. Lulu, you're up. Okay, yeah. And I'm just gonna shoot Glitter Lance at him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just do this. Fudge. So far, too far.

24 for the first hit. And then 28 for the second hit. 14 points of force damage. And then I'm going to send picks to... I'm going to send picks to Draven and give him a shield. Ha ha!

Six temporary points. - Hooray. - You blast into him, he's on the ground, looking around, did not seem to account for how powerful the champions would be on the ship. - Yeah. - Zaya. - What?

Okay. Sorry, I'm getting distracted by the fucking rapping yordles over here. He's prone now? Yes. No, he do drop. Yeah, which is not good. Why'd we do the prone thing? He's called a wing. X-prom. Why'd we do the prone thing? Because he's locked down. Great. Oh yeah, so I wouldn't have been at advantage, but all this would have hit anyway. Okay, that's fine. So I'm gonna just attack it. No way. Normally.

You hit the holy! The lowest I rolled was a 20. Yeah. So the first one is-- Do you have disadvantage, because he's probably-- No, but I have advantage because of Faerie Fighter. So regular. All right, all right, all right, my bad. So 20 for the first one. Yeah, that'll do it. Just missed. What? 30! Yeah, no, that'll do it. You're blocking? You're blocking? You need to look at the-- Maybe. Yeah, sure, I'm shooting at you.

I don't know what that does! It's that you take minus five to, minus five to hit. And if you succeed-- I'm like a big nuts and I am not wise. You other yordles are bad at smize. That's when you smile. Yeah, I gotta be able to, I can't see. Okay, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13. Little John and the little John. Bravo.

- What? - New album, coming up next week. - Okay. - 11 plus four, 15 for the second show. - Poor Mel, sorry. - I'm just doing the same fucking shit over and over again. - They're flying in, they're still hitting me with massive size, it's not stopping you. - That was beautiful, baby. - What was that? - It's Creepin's turn. - I know. - I'm going to action surge and yell, and the crowd goes wild, and I'm gonna make five attacks and attempt to make a sixth attack. - Holy crap. - Wow.

Natural! Natural 20 for one. The next one is gonna hit, so that's two. That's gonna miss, that's going to tie, that's 19, so that's one miss, so I got three hits. Then let me do a fifth one here. That's gonna miss, then let me do, see this if I can catch.

- Six is gonna be-- - You're at advantage, remember? - But he's prone. - Yeah. - Oh, I thought he stood up. - No, I just can't see when he's all messed up when I have to do one, two, three, four, five, six, and 10 feet. I can get there. - Yeah. - So I'm gonna get there, catch it, and make one more attack. - You run and catch your axe. - Okay. - And that's gonna hit, so that's gonna be four total attacks. One of them is gonna be doubled in the dice.

What? Yee! Which is going to be 10, 15, 19, plus 24. Play mine. She started it. You can roll an extra damage die for your Demacia Mation. Why is there a giant Lulu still on the map? No, just an extra, extra, extra, yeah, weapon die.

So hold on, that was, what did I say? It was 15 plus eight is, 15 plus eight is 23, plus 24 is 47, no, 50, what did I say, 23 plus...

47, 47 total points of damage in four attacks. 47, okay. He's looking very rough as you, you are unleashing your gladiatorial training. Just a pinch. One more for Draven. Just had to think. Very cool. Very cool. Sorry, 46 you said? 47, 23 plus 24.

- Got it. - The ax are cleaving in and with that he is going to once again... - Combine action surge. - What is he gonna do?

He's gonna die. He's just gonna fall over and be like, yo, this is hard, I'm done. He is going to... Fuck this, keep your time. He's going to swing at the... He's on his back, so he's just gonna try to slam down on Fiora at this point. Because I wasn't doing this before, but basically he's the same sort of feature as the barbarian. 17. 17.

17 does hit, yes. Okay. I don't have my reaction. Okay, with that, I'm gonna do anchor attack. Just a standard, oh no, he hasn't done staggering yet. And he's not standing up? It's his legendary action. Oh. 16, 17 points of bludgeoning damage. And I need a strength saving throw from you. With that, okay, and then it's Teemo's turn.

- All right, I am going-- - He's looking very rough. - 12 for a strength saving turn. - You are restrained as it swirls around you and Eldritch Magic pins you together. - I'm gonna move out, sorry, 30 feet-ish over yonder. - Five, 10, 25, 30? - 30. - Yeah, and then I'm gonna blow dart.

And then I'm gonna throw a mushroom. Oh, he has a cone. I don't really want that close. Is that, yeah. It triggers within five feet, though. I thought it triggers within 15 feet. Maybe, yeah. Is that a typo? 15 foot cube. 15 foot cube. Right, which is three by three. So right there would get him. Okay, I just don't want to get hit. Okay. You won't. You're good. You chuck a mushroom down and you...

- Oh no! - That probably does not hit. What's his DC? - 19. - 19. - Yeah, that's decent. Okay, so that misses and that is the end of my turn. - Okay, with that, it's no lifting actions for him. It's his turn. It explodes. Con saving throw, that's gonna be a 24.

- Passes. - Yes. - So he gets one stack. - Got him. - No damage or half damage? - He takes half damage from the mushroom, yeah. - Okay. - That's not the same con throw, see if he purges the-- - Right, so make another con throw as well. - Oh, I didn't do one at the end of the last turn. - So do two of them. - And that's gonna be 20. - Okay, so hand is next. - So do one more?

And then do another. Do another. Oh, do another? So he's at five. So now he's at 17. So you would've dropped down to two, 'cause I'm rounding up. So two plus one that he just ate. Right, so then you roll three. You rolled a 17, so what's the saving throw? It's like a 16 or something. 16. Yeah, so then that's another half. So roll the damage first for the three stacks, and then you drop down to one stack. Okay.

- Well, hold on, so the mushroom explosion, I had eight, nine, 10, ax is five. - So you take five poison damage. - Okay. - And then you roll 3D, four. - She comin'. - Oh, what she done?

- She's not standing on her toes. - Yes. - Swear delusion meant to be stacked. - Okay. - And then it drops to one. - Drops to one stack, yeah. - Yeah, we're still fighting Nautilus, Abby. - Okay. - But Relu's coming. - So the poison shifts, does a little bit of damage. What he sees is that he stands up and he's going to walk in between Fiora and Braum.

- It's slightly that way. - Okay, he's gonna move this a little bit. He's gonna turn-- - He can get through, which is difficult terrain for me. - Yeah, he's gonna get through, stay at an end right there, and he's gonna turn towards you, Lulu, and you see him point his anchor and it channels with this Eldritch Sea energy and then in a line directly towards you as he uses his ultimate. He uses Depth Charge. - Oh, nice. - And I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throw in that line.

- So, I'm at disadvantage. - Fiora, Father Draven, and Lil. - 21. - Yes. - Plus three from Fiora. - I'm lucky, and I got two ones in a row, so that's a natural one for me. - Wow, I rolled a 12 and I got a five. - That's a five. - I got a five. - Surprisingly, even though I'm restrained, I got a 20. - I got a five. - 20, okay.

So if you fail, you're gonna get the full damage and you will be knocked prone. Oh my god, I will tear, oh my goodness. Six, eight, nine, nine, 12, 12, 16, 18 points of cold damage. And you're prone if you failed. And that's his turn. - So Lulu fell over. - Do you take half or anything if you pass? - Half, half, yeah. - What was the half damage thing? - Nine, another nine.

Thank you. And that's your turn, Rakan, you're up. Rakan's up? Yeah. Okay. Who's the fire dude? You. The fire one? Oh, no, this one is Draven. Draven, Draven, how are you doing on hit points? Never better, my friend. Okay, Lulu, how are you doing on hit points? Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Remember, we want to tell potions we wrap and quaff. I just want to let everyone know. It's not my turn yet. Okay, I am going... You just did like 90% of my health in a minute. I am going to...

Battle Lance to Fiora and to Lulu as my action and modus action. Oh, thank you. So they each gain 15 temporary hit points. Do you actually move? Yes. So I first go to Fiora and then to Lulu. And then you stand on me? I'm standing next to you. Okay. Yeah, just a dash, so I'm assuming there's a space next to you. And so you each gain 15 temporary hit points. Ooh!

Thank you! You dance around and you all feel inspired by Rakan's beautiful dance. Okay, that's your turn. Thank you. Yes, that's my turn. He's going to turn towards you, Braum, and he's going to make an attack on you. Come on, you, let's dance! That is going to be a 23. Oh, that hits. That's gonna be Staggering Strike.

20 points of bludgeoning damage. And make a strength saving throw or you are restrained. And with that, it is your turn. He's looking very rough though. - Do you have advantage on that? - Oh, I do, don't I? - He's looking very rough as he smashes into you. - And if you need it, you also have inspiration.

- Oh yeah. - I got a 25. - A shitload. - Okay, yeah, you pass, but you take that damage. With that, it's Fjord's turn, as he's looking very rough. You see kind of this darkness spilling out of him.

How do I break my restraints? That is, oh, it's at the end of your next turn. Fuck. No! Can she attack, though, or no? She can still attack. And he's fairy-fired, so he's regular. Oh. Did Lulu make a con save for... No, I did not, so he might not be fairy-fired anymore. Uh...

Half I took, how much damage? 18, so nine. Oh yeah, yeah, I rolled a natural 10 plus my con, so very fire free. So this is just regular. This is very weak.

So I'm strained on the ground at his legs. I don't know if I can, if I'm, oh, I am in front of him, so I could try to hit his vitals? You will hit if you hit. If you're on that side, it'll pop it. Perfect. Yeah, so you don't have to like-- That'll hit. Perfect. And then I'll do d6, d8, and we'll snide it this time.

Nine and-- Sorry. Seven points of magical damage. How do you want to do this? Definitely. You can go pee now. Hold on, hold on, I got to find a good one for this one. You got to die first. Then I pee. Then pee, that's two dice, then I pee.

All right, so she's going to be wiggling on the ground and she's going to get kind of between his legs. Oh, Jesus. And with her rapier, she's still kind of like wrapped up. She's going to thrust in and up into the vital point. And she says, submit, you have already lost. Is this a tank shot? You see that vital weak point on the ground with that better vantage point. You're really stabs true and with a... Right in the gooch. Uh...

A groan, you hear a loud echoing as it is. The eyes dim and you hear the voice go, "I slumber, lost and forgotten." And with the loud crash, he crashes into the ship and slides off into the water. What is Gooch?

And you then hear a loud freaking groan as Nautilus slides off and is swallowed by the ocean. You, uh, the ship tilts and it rests up against a sharp reef that seems to be impaling it. And you realize for a moment that, that you've stopped sinking for just a bit as the ship is

tilting ever so slightly. And you see up ahead, however, the mist has cleared. And directly up ahead, no more than 30 feet, is the woman emerging from the spiral shell, the ruby eyes and the masthead. And you see that there is the top half of a ship resting there.

just beneath the surface of this large reef 30 feet ahead. The ruby eyes. The ruby eyes. That's the one with the ruby eyes. Are we looking for that? Yeah.

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