For What It's Worth | Ep. 3 | Heist Story: Part 3
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Welcome to Legends of Avantris. Here's what happened last time. It's the big game. Right. Oh, that Fleen Flel game you're talking about all the time? Yeah, the Grand Fleen Flel Championship. The main problem with 3 to 5 million gold pieces... Yep. ...is that, you know how much 1 million gold pieces weigh? Come on and slam and welcome to the jam! Welcome to the final 42nd Grand Fleen Flel Championship! A giant fleshy orb.

behind the back of this bar, what appears to have multiple stalks of eyes pulling out from the top of its head. You mean someone else is trying to steal from the vault before we do? A heavy iron reinforced door that appears to be closed and locked.

I'm going to walk up to the door and open it. As soon as the door closed, you have jumped from wherever it was in the top of this building to some other plane of existence, staring out down the mountain, down the citadel, all the way around. You seem to be in a completely new place.

place surrounded by mountains of treasure and it's not the clicking of the elevator that you hear anymore, but the loud thump, thump, thump of some massive creature walking. On the eastern shores of Yona there lies the great city of Galtica, staring out into a dark and turbulent ocean.

But Galtika is not where the next chapter in this story resumes. Instead, you find yourself standing on a great tower or citadel or castle atop of what feels like an impossibly huge mountain that stretches down all around you. The blue sky spans in all directions, for you are just above a cloud line which tightly circles the base of this massive rock obscuring any hints of the terrain below.

Something tells you that you are impossibly high in the air, but it is not unpleasant. Cool winds whip around you as the bright sun warms your skin.

Not everything has gone according to plan. Or hasn't it? You and your crew have been able to infiltrate the Silver Lining Casino, navigate through the labyrinthine halls behind the gaming rooms, trick guards without setting off any alarms or traps, vanquish a sentinel beholder, and cleverly break into the vault. Running into another crew of thieves, a gang of dark elves, may have been a surprise,

but it was a threat you were able to manage together. Until now, one could say this heist has been going fairly smoothly. Until now. The moment the vault door closed, surrounded by treasure worth millions and millions in gold, there was an extra planar shift, transporting you and this loot to the strange new place you now find yourselves in. The next few moments could spell victory or disaster for your effort.

Here is what you know. The 42nd Grand Flim Flal Championship is over. Whatever the outcome, there are now guards heading back to the vault to collect the necessary gold needed to reward those who bet on the games in full. And they'll be here in just a few minutes.

On your side of the vault, the sound of heavy footfalls grows louder and louder and louder with each step. A booming voice tells you something massive is coming. Perhaps the owner of this vault and the casino in Galtica is on their way, and that this creature will be here in just a few minutes. The next step in your plan was to collect the loot. Thousands, tens of thousands, perhaps more than 100,000 pounds

Of gold pieces, gems, artifacts, some magical. Time may now be limited, but for all this to be worth it, this crucial step in your net plan needs to happen in the next few minutes. And you need to get away with it.

However the next few moments play out, you need to get back home from wherever you are now with your millions and not get caught. Powerful people care about what you're taking, the approaching giant notwithstanding. Without a way to take what you can and escape without fear of retribution, you'll end up in some prison somewhere. Or maybe even dead.

How you approach this moment, how you've planned for it, and how you work together to achieve your ultimate aim is up to you. Oh no. Is this the elemental plane of air? Where are we? I mean, it's just inside the vault, like, can they still get here, open the door, and then arrest us? You know, I don't know, Knuckles.

I, you know, I massed a lot of the mines.

but I was never expecting going to the elemental. I guess when we all played Wordle and we had the answer was cloud, we should have assumed that it was a cloud giant, especially when the second word was giant. What do you keep staring at, boss? I keep staring. Oh, I had the realization it's the elemental plane of air. How do you know? Because I'm allergic to it. Oh, also, I forgot to take my blood pressure medication. I'm sure there won't be any side effects.

- That'll be fine. - So what are we gonna do when we get out of here? - And I don't think there'll be much of us left to arrest if that thing gets here before they do. - Do you have a plan or should I use my backup plan? - Well, you know, I was gonna say that my plan was, well, let's say what the plan, what your plan, your plan and my plan is the same thing. I mean, I accounted for this, of course. We'll see you at the same time, okay?

- I'm gonna go ahead and do a countdown and on three, you're both gonna say what your plan is. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, are you ready? - Yeah, 'cause we thought about this already. - One. - One. - Two, no, I'm gonna do the countdown. - Oh, one, two, okay. - You just say what your plan is on three, okay? - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, not on three, but right after I say three, okay? - Okay, yeah, yeah. - One, two, three. - The plan is. - No, right after three, we're gonna start again. - Okay. - One, two, three.

- Three. - The plan is... - You're supposed to do it! - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - There's no plan. - Oh, there's a plan. - Is it over? - You hear the sound of this voice boom out and it doesn't echo, but nor does it seem to disappear into a vacuum. So loud and booming is the sound of this voice.

I look around immediately to see if I can see where it was coming from. Do you approach the edge to look down? This is a pretty wide open citadel top. You're effectively on top of a tower and looking over the tessellated edges of this tower beyond the sort of columns that

make the formation of this vault room, or what would have been the vault room before this transformation. You can see that there are two other smaller towers just adjacent, as if you were on a castle of some kind.

But you don't see any heads emerging just yet or anything. You just hear the sound semi-distantly, and you're not sure how long it'll take a creature of this size, depending on the size of this castle, to get here. Oh, fuck, we don't have much time. You're sweating something off. Do you need a handkerchief? Does anyone else feel like they have increased sweating and increased nervousness? Who won? Here you go. And I pull my handkerchief out of my coat pocket,

and you'll see that it's tied to another handkerchief, and it's tied to a-- so however many handkerchiefs, I'd like to use my twist of foresight. Oh, they're up here. We didn't get them down. Because you have two of them, right? Yeah, well, now we only have one. Well, no, because we didn't get refreshed, so I only have one from last time. Right? Yeah, we got them refreshed, didn't we? No. No? Oh. No. That was it. So the only one we have was the one that was donated last session. After this reason, I think there are twists of error, so I'm saying-- Well, those are my twists of friend. Oh.

I think we have one or two. We have two. We have two donated. Two communal and yours. Okay. We appreciate you, Chad. I will flash back to when I acquired these portable holes. And Derek, I'll let you set the scene. Oh. So you're looking for portable holes. And you've heard of...

somebody who has a lot of magical items, somebody who is actually a tremendously smart and clever wizard, if not a little bit forgetful. And in the search for this person, you have finally been able to identify, talking to many of your underground contacts, and it turns out your target, your aim over the week that you're preparing for this mission, the one you're on now,

is looking for someone named Tootles, a loxodon, a very learned and wise wizard who keeps a tremendous spellbook tome at her side at all times. This is your quarry for not only are there a million spells that you'd be able to find within this tome, but as a bookmark, she uses these portable holds, these unbelievably magical items.

And so one late night, you call all of your other rhino folk friends, the other bouncers that you've met over the years, perhaps cousins, nephews, that sort of thing. And in this moment, you are in an alley.

and waiting for this person to turn. And as she does, there she is. You see not just one Loxodon, this woman that you're after, but another female Loxodon at her side. You're not sure of the name. As well as what is clearly a well-armored, almost holy man of a Loxodon at the other hip. And then adjacent to him, sort of rocking back and forth,

a wild, strange Loxodon that you can hear his voice before you see him. Hey, does anyone else feel a little sweaty and overly nervous? My doc prescribed you blood pressure medication. Thanks for meeting me. You have what I'm looking for.

Stop there! The Holy One stands forward and steps forward and seems to try to stop you, but in this instant, you are surrounded by rhino folk after rhino folk after rhino folk, a gang of them. What do you want? I am looking for something magical, something I need.

It's the portable hole that I arranged one of you, I forget who it was. One of you has fucking a few portable holes. Sorry. I mean, somebody told me that, I forget who. Well, I do, and Tootle speaks up and she holds up the tome. You can see two of these slips of very fine, like silky texture, very thin pieces of fabric leafing out from the top of this tome.

We're not gonna give it to you though. Hand it over. Why would you do something so foolish as to give a bunch of very threatening large burly rhino folk her magical items that are probably quite expensive?

- Jiggles, how much do you think all those run together if you had to have a net cost? - Please, they probably just only want to observe the portable hold. - No, I think he wants to steal. They look very threatening. I think we're gonna start snapping. - No, no, Yancy. It is always important to trust your brothers and sisters.

I'm

- I'm glad to hear it. - And you guys are talking and in this moment, you've already grabbed the tome. - I grabbed the tome. - You grabbed the tome and the rest of the story plays out very quickly. Your rhino folk friends are on top of that. It's not just you. - You're the last of the loonies. - You get what you need.

- This is a mugging. - But what quickly becomes a single item that you need to steal, it becomes a complete theft. And they are left with nothing, penniless in the alley, and you find yourself running and diving into the shadows trying to escape. And that's where we'll pick back up. - Well, I'm glad I brought my life savings on this wall. I'm glad I didn't listen to my cousin and store it all under my mattress.

Ensure your portable holds today.

Anyway, I had to mug some elephants for these, but I think it'll work, and I'm gonna throw both of them down. Hurry, start shoveling! Oh, that's a great idea. See, that was my plan, give mugs some elephants for a portable hole, because we said it at the same time. You slap down these portable holes, one and then the next, and the rest of you see the magical item effect take place. A six-foot

round hole, 10 feet deep, suddenly appears in the stone floor. It's identical to the cartoon Acme product where all of a sudden there's a magic, yeah, you know the one. Yeah. The magical Acme product where they do it in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Why can't I do it? They're like, ah! Look at that!

This is an immature scream. So I can't, yeah. Yes, this is an immature scream. It is an immature scream. And it becomes immediately apparent. The four of you have moments to get as much loot into these two holes as possible, shoveling and pushing any of the magical items and any of the,

the items as you might. - I'd like to look for perhaps any magical items that might pique the interest of someone with a gambling habit. - Make a perception check an advantage. - Just start flipping all of the gold coins and seeing if any-- - Oh, there we go. - More than often. - It's a gambling habit, not an addiction.

- It's a gambling pastime. - It's a pastime. - It's a gambling hobby. - Yeah, it's my, everybody needs a hobby. And I mean, you know, some hobbies put you terribly in debt. - That's right. - Hey, it's healthier than cosplay. - 22. - Oh my god. - Oh, 22, next one. - That was so good.

With a 22, you glance around and hanging on magical nothing are a lot of different swords, a lot of different sets of armors, helms. There's a whole stack, shelf after shelf after shelf of tome after tome after tome, magical scrolls, map cases, these sorts of items. But in

The exact opposite side of you, as the three of you are starting to deal with the rest of the treasure and hauling bucket and bucket of gold coin into these portable holes, you see a small pedestal and on top what looks like a velvet, not velvet, vellum playing card stack right at the top there.

- Ooh. - No. - Oh boy, are you really doing this? - Does anybody notice? Would anyone care if I just took this perhaps for my gambling habits? - Or I'll just panically throw this up in the hole. - Yeah, allow me. - Take as much as you fucking can! - Whatever!

- Hanging on magical nothing is my favorite strip club on 48th street. - Are you there? I want to know the outcome of the game. - And you hear this sound and it's much, much closer now. You feel like you have 30, 45 seconds remaining. - Did we ever find out the outcome of the game?

- No, we just knew that it ended. We assumed that the trunks won because they didn't get wished out. And then we killed them. - Were there corpses that have been wished out? - Oh, are there corpses with us? - Oh yeah. - That is another important detail that you have yet to deal with. Perhaps the first thing you throw in the holes are four dead drow that are sitting on the floor. - No, don't take up too much space. - We've got a space limit here. I don't know if that's a priority. - Oh, look, there's an endless abyss.

Perfect place to store dead bodies. Oh, we know we gotta frame these guys. - Oh, we could just kick them over the side. - No, we need to say, "Oh, hey." They need to say, "Oh, it was on them drown, and they died." - Oh, no, and they stun? - No, so what we need to do, this is what we do, is, there's some big fella coming. Let's sneakily just--

Chuck all the corpses in front of his foot so he stomps on them. Oh, what did I step in? That was gross. It's dry. Oh, gross. It smells. You can tell that you have...

- Very, very little limited time. - I'm gonna grab the vellum playing cards and continue to just shovel as much as I can. - Okay, you put them on your person, perhaps in an inner jacket pocket, let's say. - I would be focusing on coins and like gold, platinum, whatever, and just trying to fill the portable holes up as full as possible.

And then once all the coins are in, or as much as I can get in, add armor and weapons, whatever else. Those helping fill the portable holes need to make a acrobatics or athletics check to see how quickly you do. And everyone needs to make an intelligence check with the exception of, I almost called you Yancy, with the exception of Gino, who has sort of casually walked over and picked up a deck of cards.

I got a 19. 21. For your acrobatics and your intelligence. Oh, do we need to do that? Yes. Oh, acrobatics is a 19. Oh, I don't need to roll mine. You don't need to roll. And you said 22 for acrobatics. Okay. And you said athletics is the other one, right? An acrobatics or athletics check. And then an intelligence check. And then for intelligence, I got an eight. Eight for intelligence. 13 for athletics. Okay.

- And 14 for intelligence. - Four for intelligence. - Four for intelligence, okay. I'll say, Nuckles, with your enhanced intelligence after the-- - Oh, you're right, it's a 16 instead of 14. - 15 was actually what I was looking for, so well done. With your enhanced intelligence, you are seeing them now

having filled the actual portable holes, 80% capacity, both of these 10 foot deep chasms, there's no more coins. It's to the place where now you're like putting in helms, putting in magical items, and you see Glitzy fly over to one of the hooks and pull a bag off of the, and start to fly in order to throw that loot into the portable hole as well. What do you do? - No, don't do it!

Don't do what? Don't put that bag in that hole. Why not? Do you want to die? Do you want to float through the astral sea for the rest of your very short life? I do want to do the second one, but I don't want to die. Well, you're going to die and do it at the same time. Give me that. Give me that. I'm not giving you this bag. Why? Well, then just don't put it in the hole. Put it just where it is, like a backpack or something. Can I put stuff in it if I want?

- I don't care. - How big is it? - I don't know, it's a glitzy sized bag. And I'm just gonna start putting stuff in the bag. - You look inside, it's actually almost full to the brim with magical gems. You can see rubies, emeralds, diamonds. - I'm gonna dump the stuff out of the bag in one of the portables. - And then you make enough room. What you clearly have is a bag of holding

It had nearly been at capacity as well, but dumping it out as you did. You look like you have a question or a suggestion. - Oh, I just don't understand what just happened. - Oh. - So if you put a bag of holding in a portable-- - Does it create like a singularity? - It does a huge like big bang. - I see. - And explodes, destroying everyone. - It would rip us all into the astral sea and-- - There's a dexterity saving throw to see if you get, it's like being blasted in outer space, like when a-- - That's amazing. - A portal opens and all of a sudden it's just like, like that.

- It's the dividing by zero. - Notice I didn't say sucked out, it's blasted out. I watch a lot of science fiction. - You really sucked out though. - Yeah, you really sucked out though. - It's at this point that you have to deal with the bodies or choose what to do next because you can see the head of what is clearly a massive giant just start to come up on the circular staircase that is around the perimeter. - What do you think?

What do you think? Elf on a shoe? Should we answer him? He's asking the one with that. No, but that's not... We're not Belvedere. Who did he say? What was the name he said? Hostelin. Belvedere, this fella. We're not him. Wait, no, you're a master of disguise. Dress up as Hostelin. Oh, that's right. I'm the master of disguise. Allow me to go to my disguise kit.

I'm gonna attempt to very quickly disguise myself as a drow. - I've never used a disguise kit, so can you tell me the rules? - I don't know the rules. - I really think it's a-- - No, I think it's just to keep with some makeup and a wig in it. - I think it's a dexterity check, and if you're proficient with it, you add your proficiency bonus. - Okay, do that.

Can I also have a disguise kit? Can I come over and try to futz with his hair? Oh, yeah, if you can give it to me at advantage, that'd be great. I mean, I think a disguise kit would be almost, at least even a small one. So if you have makeup and you have some of the usual accoutrement, just because you had to transform from a customer into a maintenance person, for example. This is what it says. This pouch of cosmetics, hair dye, and small props lets you create disguises that change your physical appearance.

Proficiency with this kit lets you add your proficiency bonus to any ability checks you make to create a visual disguise. I see.

So an ability check to create the disguise and then necessarily probably some deception checks later on? Yeah. Okay. But all it does is change your physical appearance. Like, you're a bear. But I'm... I got dark fur. I got dark fur. I got a little bit of purple. Get some pointy ears. You are literally a bear.

putting on prosthetic ears. I got-- I'm like-- Maybe a clown join us and know what a clown looks like. Yeah, no. No, I'm like those girls would go to anime convention. I got my little ears. Got my little backpack. Got all the little charms on it. It's an edamame. You're very quickly turning into a stereotypical circus bear, aren't you? Yeah, exactly right. OK, well, my role, if it's dexterity,

- What is our, oh it's gonna be plus five, eight, ooh, that would be 20. - 20, okay. It's at this point that the cloud giant emerges and turns with this excited face as he, you see over the tessellated side of the tower. - Ooh, good work. - He starts to crash up. Walking up these huge stone slabs. - Get the body, get the body.

- I collect the bots, I'm holding the bots. - Yeah, come on, come on. - I'll just stand in front of the bots. - Everybody grab one. He's murdered one, we're gonna chuck him. - Over the edge. - No, we're chucking him underneath his foot. So he thinks he steps on him.

- No, I got a plan! I got a plan! - We're all gonna crouch and throw the drone. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - What a horrible plan. - This is a great plan. - I have the one who is dating my daughter. - Oh, yeah. He turns and he sees what you're doing. And just to give you guys a picture before he reacts,

This cloud giant is 29 feet tall. He's massively strong, clearly. Covered in brilliant clothing, jewelry, bands, light blue skin, and he carries, or at least around his back, you can see a massive platinum mace with a bulbed head at the top. He has a billowing white cape that flows like clouds behind him. And you can see his...

face transform from excitement about the news of the game and what's to come next and what he was expecting. Almost certainly the people would come here to collect the winnings for those who were doing the gambling to shock and horror. - What in the hell is this? Who are you? You're not Arthelon! - Oh no, you scared my men to death.

Oh no! Our spider god and our cult will be very upset. Oh no! What?! Oh no, it's with the drow heister cult. We love the spider heisters. Make a deception check at disadvantage.

Oh no! Try a heister cult, it's gonna work. Oh no. Hold on. That's pretty good. Do we have any twists in this campaign? Yeah, there's a twist. Yeah, if that was unintentional, it'd be even more... Brilliant. Uh, did that change anything? Oh. Wait, hold on. Oh boy.

It's frozen now. Let me just refresh this page. Did anyone pick up the hole? Hold on. We didn't finish. Hold on. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Deception? Oh, it could be worse. It is a 15.

But if I'm using my disguise kit, it'll be 17. Oh, okay. Spider Queen. Oh, gosh. What happened to your other dragon? Why? I don't even care. Look at my treasure in these holes. Ah, we heisted. Foil the game.

You're not supposed to be here. What are you doing here? We're just like looking. Is there any puzzles while everything shut down from a pandemic? This vault door is pretty popular. Everyone's talking about it. This is my secure vault. I am Arcus, Prince of the Cloud Giants.

Did you say your name was Orcus? Orcus. Oh, that's really close to another very popular guy. Well, it's also a cloud pun and I liked it at the time. You gave yourself your own name?

No. I gave myself my own name. I'm Glithy the Bang Sparks. Quiet. Okay. Oh, no. Explain yourselves. They're drow that are- You're trying to steal my treasure. No, no, we stopped these drow. Ah, why would you stop me? I'm the leader of the drow cult. And we just, we were barely about to kill him. Yes.

And he didn't say barely because he's a bear. No, I hate bears. He said barely because... I'm allergic to bears. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to shut up. You were here trying to stop these drow? Yes. They killed all my friends and also you scared them to death too. I wave my meat hook around. I'm a member of private security.

Yeah, and I'm the demolitionist. You dress like a casino dealer. I'm dressed like a casino dealer. You still look like a maintenance person. And I still look like the person who's carrying the casino. So you look like you're coming from the casino. The casino owners told us. We were hired. Get into the vaults. It was an all-hands-on-deck situation because of the call. There was a call that was contested, and it threw the entire arena into chaos.

Where is Austalin? You three would know. He should be here any moment. I believe that the game is completed, yes? Well, you see, the moment we got to the vault, the drowse closed the door and then we were teleported here. So I'm guessing Austalin's stuck outside.

This was all happening as the game was ending. You know that's the most important part for Arstalen. - He looks over and leans over with his massive frame and glances at the top of the columns.

And this seems to register true. He seems to acknowledge, oh yeah, no, the vault won't be opening on the other side until I deactivate these rune wards that'll allow the Ostwin to come back because they only would have triggered once and you triggered them. You get all of this registration in just a moment in an expression via your insight, which I won't even make you roll because I'm just going to give it to you. Thanks! No problem.

So... We just gotta kill this remaining drow. Oh, yeah. And then we can let off the limit. We will not be killing this remaining drow. You have a much more horrible fate in store for you. Oh, yeah, no, I, yeah, that sounds... Guards! Oh, no. And you hear the sound of... What the fuck are we gonna do? I'm just...

- Point of order. - How do the holes work? - Time out. - What are we gonna do? - No, no, hold on. - How do the holes work though? Do they lead somewhere that's like predetermined? - No, we can just pick 'em up. - Does he turn to like look at his guards as they're coming? - He turns and shouts into the air around him. - Oh good. - And you start to hear

more wind blowing than there was before. And that's just starting to ramp, but I am going to be very generous in this moment and let you guys talk it out. - If I feel like he's turning his back to all his guards, I'm gonna try to quickly grab the holes and just quickly bundle them up and throw them in my pocket. - Okay, make a sleight of hand check as he turns. - Hold on.

- Oh no, my cult of spider heifers. What a tragedy, what a terrible tragedy. - We're all really good behind. - Oh no, my cult, a terrible fate for the drow. - 15. - 15. You pull the first of the portable holes up and you bend down to get to the other one, but you're not fast enough. Out of the corner of his eye, you see he turns and he says, "Hold there."

Oh, it's my drow magic!

You'll never find the treasure now. It was dead and it almost took us down. I'll never find the treasure. I have used my spider powers. Make a deception check. And the sound of whirring wind gets louder and louder when all of a sudden they start to create almost like humanoid shapes. Below the torso there's a

a miniature tornado, and at the arms, they are also these swirling cyclones, but you can actually see the shape of the blowing wind as one, two of these air elementals land down on the surface of this clock tower, this castle tower, and you see them rushing towards you in order to grapple you. What was your deception check?

- 11. - 11. - Can I get some heart of inspiration? - Typically you do it before the roll, but I'll allow it. - It technically says instead of two. - Am I rolling a two or no?

- I can add it if I see the roll of heat and survive. - Yeah, you would have had to inspire. It's like a condition you're inspired now. - 14. - 14. And, oh, that's gonna be an insight. - Am I helping him because I'm a mastermind? - No. - At this point, I don't think that you can in the reality of this moment. - Oh, it's my drow magic. You'll never find the treasure.

- You, in your haste and clear franticness, he seems to be at least not disbelieving that one of the holes seemingly disappeared and he seems even more suspicious of this drow that you guys have accosted. - Grab him, seize him, stop him! - No, no, no, don't touch him. - Oh no. - Don't touch him. - If you touch me, all the treasure's gone. - There's curses on him? - He's mine.

We don't know what foul magic he might have against the nerds. There's a curse on him and if you touch him, then you don't want to know what's going to happen. Look, this was supposed to be a clean gig, but Barso Hoolahan, you know Barso Hoolahan. Oh, yeah. He hired us as private security because he's made the biggest bet on his life on this game.

And so we were casing a joint, you can see our stupid fucking costumes. You gotta pay me a lot to dress like this, let me tell you. Oh yeah, that's-- Make a group perception check and you can make one at an advantage. Yeah, no. Perception or-- Deception, deception. Oh no, I love spiders. 19. Damn.

And so boss of Houlihan would have been one of the mob bosses that I served like a decade ago. I'm hoping him as an owner of casino might know. Yeah, because I cannot roll less than 10 on deception checks. That's pretty good. Oh, right. Because of my son's thing. So I rolled a six, but it doesn't matter. Fuck you, Dace. Fuck you, Dace. Get out of here.

The elemental start to wind forward towards Gino. And just before they get within five feet of you and start to attempt to encapsulate you, they hear that...

You guys are selling their master on this idea that he's convinced and they follow his orders. And then they hear the possibility of curses and they come to a stop just as Arcus puts his hand up and goes, "Paws, wait, Bartholoolahan you say?" - Bartholoolahan, you know him. - Oh no, not Bartholoolahan. - You know he has contacts in the Underdark. You ever heard him speak under, Carmen? - Oh, he's fluent.

How dare you speak our language? This will require a smarter man than me to solve. Everyone stay where they are. Skitter, skitter, skitter. I'm going to reactivate the vault. Ostlin should be here as soon as the game is over, and then we can discuss this out. And he walks over to the first top of the tower and hits it in runic magic. Oh no, you triggered the curse!

- And I opened the bottle and let out the beholder. - Is he still your friend? - Yeah, he's my friend for an hour. - He's your friend? - Yeah, for an hour. - Good lord.

- I think he's just gonna kill this guy. - Oh no! Holy shit. - How did I forget to add a beholder? - I'm a pig of the hole! You're not an ancient stone but you can fly! - You have a rock like-- - Oh, the underdog curse! Spider, spider, spider!

I'm a drow. I love being turned into furniture by fecky ladies. I just am thinking about all of the nightmares that are happening simultaneously. With that understanding, I'm not going to make you roll for initiative, but we're going to have to walk through what happened.

What music to use for this? I think I'll go to combat because this is not a good... This has not gotten very goofy and we need something that's like... How about some funky chunk? He hits the first column and he's like, the curse? The what? And he turns and... The iron flask opens up with a...

- And what emerges is a nightmare monstrosity, a huge orb. It doesn't look like it would fit inside the portable hole. It's so huge and fleshy, single wiry hairs coming out in different directions, but even more terrifying, these massive eye stalks, 13 of them in all I think, huge, crazy, impossible eyes

a massive, slobbering mouth with these sharp fangs and teeth in both directions, his tongue lolling from side to side. It's brown and red patches all over in every direction, and immediately it looks at you. And I'm gonna say, pretend to be boss O'Houlihan and tell him if he doesn't cooperate, you're gonna kill him.

Both the hula hand and beholder? It's out. It wasn't. Oh, beholder today, be gone tomorrow. Oh, it doesn't work like that. It nods and it gives you a wink. Oh.

And it turns with pausing. As it turns, the anti-magic cone that is the huge spread of coming out of his face does two things that you notice.

The magical hole disappears. The one that you haven't picked up just vanishes. And the air elementals turn back into wind and evaporate. They basically become invisible, just blown away by the natural winds in this moment. Oh my god, they went from the kill. Your disguise is non-magical, and it turns to Argus. And in this moment, you

You can see a few things get a little duller. Whatever he happened to be wearing that might have been magical is now also affected by this huge cone that would affect anyone in the eyesight of the Beholder. And attempting to abide by his new friend, the Beholder

only knowing deep speech and undercommon, turns and goes, And in his mind, Basahulahan, very helpful, What the fuck is this? The cloud giant pulls out his mace and immediately swings in to attack. Oh my god.

He hits it like a baseball, but it doesn't fly off into a direction. He just smashes into the side of it, leaving this disgusting mace-shaped hole that pops back into place, and the beholder loses it. All of a sudden, rays start going off. As the chaos of these two titans begins to unfold-- - It's like a fucking kaiju battle. - What are you guys doing?

- Oh, I nervously start, I nervously fiddle with the deck that I have. Oh, I got it ever since I quit smoking. I ended up doing something with my hands. - What are you guys doing? - I fiddle with the deck. - I'm just watching.

What you see is... A kaiju battle is a really terrific way of saying it. He's being forced back down the stairs. He's smacking into it as often as he can. Just wham, wham, wham. And it's clearly hurting the beholder. There's chunks coming out. There's skin spilling away. There's blood. This...

disgusting, almost like silver metallic black ichor that's pouring out of these wounds, but it is hitting it with ray after ray. One eyestalk turns and disintegrates a chunk of not just the armor, but of the muscle behind. You see him starting to lose this fight very quickly.

- The beholder's losing? - No, the cloud giant. - Oh great, okay cool. - I throw myself on the ground and try to feel for if the handkerchief is there still or the hole's just gone. - You start to do that and as the beholder moves forward and continues to float and get hit back and forth, it's finally when the angle of the anti-magic cone no longer covers that part of the floor.

it pops back into existence and you fall three feet into Scrooge McDuck style into a giant pile of gold and platinum and other precious gold pieces. - This is breaks your spine. - I'm gonna follow them and then when it looks like the cloud giant's about to actually lose, I'm gonna open up the iron flask and try and suck the boulder back in. - Okay, okay. - So he would just need to make a wisdom saving throw. - This fight will have them engaged for,

four or five rounds. So half a minute while you turn to your friends and you've bought some time for you guys all to continue to try to solve this problem, to get out of this with your lives intact at this point. And he like triggered the vault. He pushed the button that allowed the vault to be open from the other side. So that can be a problem at any time. I'm going to turn to Geno. Yeah. And I'm going to cast Agnazar's Scorcher on Geno.

I'm really sorry about this boss, but trust me. My blood pressure! It's a dex 15. This is the big one. I think I actually bet. You're pretty dexed. Dex 15 you say? Yeah. Okay, let's see. 18. Yes, you pass. So you're going to take five points of scorching. Ah, fuck!

But my plan is, and I will relay this to you. Oh fuck, I'll do it. Okay boss, I'm really sorry I had to do that, but what I'm gonna try and do is I'm gonna try and get the beholder back in his bottle right before he kills that thing. You gotta play dead, okay? We're gonna make it look like you were hit with a rogue laser beam. You burned a hole in my skinny jeans! Yeah, there were holes in them before, boss.

And if we get out of here, we'll buy you new ones. Yeah. And so we could put you in the hole and just be like, oh, yeah, you died trying to steal the money and you fell dead body into the hole, you know? Yeah, I'm going to make off and get away with it, too.

- It's their error in the holes when we took them back up. - Make a, make a arcana or intelligence check your choice. Sometimes it doesn't matter. - 19. - 19. - You got pictures on that can?

I have bees. Oh. So it's more of a icebound style drink. But with a 19, you do some quick math in your bunny head and you go, you know, I think that someone could survive in there for about 10 minutes before they start losing air. I'm very nervous and sweating and breathing heavily. Oh.

Anyone else have a dry mouth? I think I'm gonna take more pills. Why are you trying to suck him back in? Just let him kill a giant.

What if we need the giant to get out of here? He already pressed the button, and they're going to open it from the other side, and we kill that guy, and we'll use this boulder to kill him all the way out of here. That's a great idea, because when they show up, they'll see that the boulder's trying to kill the giant, and then they'll be like, well, clearly that was the problem.

We were just innocent bystanders. I think we need him for something else. But you don't want to open the bottle on him, so he's going to be like, oh yeah, they tried to kill me with his beholder. You told me to open the bottle. I didn't tell you to do that. Yes, you did. You looked at me and you winked. Unless we all know. You looked at me and you winked. He clearly wants me to open the beholder. I think we need to finish the giant off.

I'm pretty sure... Send him to Olga. You can still hear the screaming and the beating of these two titans against each other. He's getting weaker. He's...

making fewer hits and to me, to me, guards, guards and air elementals are coming in and just evaporating in front of its sight before he gets hit by a ray of disintegration, fear rays, petrification. He is getting dismolished by this and you can see pieces of him flying away. He's almost stumbling over the edge of his own castle stairs before realigning himself and trying before he is

Starting to really lose. I'd say he probably has another one or two rounds in him. - Does the deck of cards that I have have any kind of magical, do I feel like it's magical at all? - Make an arcana check of advantage, I would say. Because even holding them there's something of a thrum. - Well, you know, the problem-- - I am still going to fly up to the beholder at this point and I'm going to try and, I'm actually, 'cause he's my friend for an hour,

Stop hurting him, boss. Stop hurting him. Look at him. He's weak and sad. Make a persuasion check. Natural 20. Okay. 25.

- 25. You see all of the eyes turn on the back of his head and look right at you. And then he backs up. He keeps his main eye on the cloud giant who falls to one of his knees and says, "Please no more, no more." And has clearly at least paused for a moment. It didn't want to stop.

I know you didn't want to stop, but you got to. He might be the only way you can get out of here. It's frozen. It's just keeping its eye on the creature. And then I'm going to look at the cloud giant. If I were you, I wouldn't try and hurt him again because I don't think he wants to listen to me. I'm using all of my abilities to try and get him to stop fighting you. I'm helping you out, buddy. You're all liars and tricks and thieves. Go ahead and kill him. I'm going to stop him. Okay.

- The center eyestalk hadn't fired once, but with its death ray, it fires forward and it takes 10 D10, he takes 10 D10 necrotic damage. And because it reduces him to zero hit points, there is no save. He dies and the cloud giant, his light blue skin,

starts to turn gray and he falls back and stumbles down a few of the stairs before just over balancing at the edge and tumbling off into the cloud line disappearing which turns itself gray the sky darkens and you a storm starts to occur all around you as the bright life that was in this plane this space disappears

I tried to tell him and he wasn't gonna listen. I didn't know what else to do. We're on top of a castle. Imagine how much great shit's in here. Let's loot the whole place. It looks like this entire area is cracking and turning into dust, so we need to get out like now. Is that true? It looks like the... Make a perception check.

Anyone who wants to look, you're looking at the... Oh, you made an Arcana check. Yeah, I made it with a 17. 17. You've never held something that feels this magical. With a 17, this feels...

like the real prize. You almost forget about your gambling habit, habit, habit. You forget about this. Your hobby. You forget about all things. You are shuffling the deck and the card feels so good.

Even in your singed and bear-like hands, it's begging. Begging for attention. But with a 17, you also are aware of the danger that you've put your friends in and are aware that you're in the middle of a heist. This is the loot. You can do this anytime. So the conflict rages within you as you are... This is a very magical item. I have a feeling like this is the key to everything, everybody.

What are you all doing? I am going to look at... Oh, you're looking around. Well, I'm looking at Eddie Eyeball. And I'm going to open the flask and try and suck him back in.

Okay. And because he's not looking at you in this moment, and the flask is able to do its magic, and he gets pulled in. I don't know if he has to make a save a second time. He does, yeah. But can he voluntarily choose to fail because he's friend? Sure. Yeah, he could. I think it's one of those, like, I'm going to say let's get the beholder out of here. Come on, boy. Come on, Eddie. Let's get into the flask.

He turns around and closes this eye and uses his other stalks to sort of guide himself in. Good boy, Eddie. And I put him on my...

- For a moment, all is quiet. Looking at the sky, it appears to have darkened not because of some forthcoming threat, but almost of sadness for the loss of its prince, the sky itself. Turns dark, not as bright a blue. The winds are a little colder. It seems that the environment is reflecting this change of leadership in this space. - A solemn moment.

I feel pretty good. That was a very nice ending, everybody. That was all Knuckles. He's the one that told me to unleash Eddie, so I did. All right, here's the plan. Yeah. I'm going to wait right by where the vault door was. Okay.

- Absalom, I'm gonna fuck his name. - Absalom is gonna come. - He's gonna come and open it. - He's gonna come and he's gonna open it. - I'm gonna jump out and kill him. - And so Knuckles is gonna jump out and he's gonna kill him. - I'm gonna kill Absalom. - Yep, he's gonna do it. - You all go downstairs and then stope out the whole castle. - We're gonna go downstairs. - We're gonna stope out the whole castle. - Let out Eddie if you need to. - We'll let out Eddie. - And you need to make a death ray and whatever. - So yeah, tell him a death ray when that happens, okay? - Why are you repeating everything that Knuckles is saying, Keno? - No, this is my plan. This is my plan. - Can we vote for a new leader?

This is my new plan. I'd second that motion. I would like, you know, I feel like this is a good time. I would like to vote for Knuckles as a mastermind. I would like to put my name in the, in the, my head in the room. Staying as a mastermind. So who's, who's for Knuckles? I mean, do I get a vote? Yeah. Is this a mutiny?

- No, 'cause we're not gonna kill Gino. - It's a democracy. - No, I mean, this is-- - It's a democratic republic. - This is how it is. - This is how it goes. - Okay, well, I still think that's two versus nobody else voted, so... - Get out and vote, kids. - I'll vote for Gino. - Oh, yeah, no, the tie break. - It's a tie. I'll vote for Gino. - Okay, well, if I let Eddie out, he's gonna vote for Knuckles, so that's three. - You don't double-cross the boss. Let me just tell you, bad things happen.

He wouldn't even remember that we double-crossed him. Have you seen how many of the pills he's taken for his blood pressure? Give him another 30 minutes and his head's gonna explode. He's eating them like they're fucking Tic Tacs. Anyone else feeling sweaty and nervous? And wasps? When he says wasp, you almost can hear this faint. I think I have wasps in gas or wasp gas.

All right, is that a plan? Yeah, you're the new boss, boss. All right, go downstairs, check out the castle. I'll wait here and kill Absalom, and I'll keep the door open. And we'll get all the loot out. Everything in this hoard, everything in the castle, everything. Okay, I'll fly down and check it out. I'll fly down and check it out. You start to fly down. What are you doing? I'm going to climb down, but I'm going to have to...

step over the chaos of the battle if there's even steps left. Oh, there are steps left, though there are chunks of stone that have been blasted away, certainly. But these are cloud giant steps. So each one is like a good four feet. Four feet. So you have to hop and then land, take a moment. Luckily, I'm quite good at that. Oh, okay. Terrific. You bunny hop down each step with relative grace and ease. What are you doing?

I'm gonna use my climb. I'm just gonna shimmy on down. Oh, okay, so you shimmy on down and you stand in the center of the vault in order to... Oh, before I leave, I want to cast Bardic Inspiration to... I believe you can do it. You're gonna do it. Because you're gonna kill Ostwin. Right. Okay. We're all comfortable with this? We're all comfortable with leaving you alone? I don't think we're comfortable with anything that we've done, but we've done it. Okay.

The three of you start to make your way down and you don't have to wait very long at all. It seems that they were, I mean, only five, 10 minutes have passed since this moment. And probably they were trying the door over and over and over until finally it was enabled.

And it's in this moment that you see a door out of nowhere suddenly emerge and start to pull away. And you are plunged into darkness because you are in a vault room now. It is the flip reverse. You are no longer in the elemental plane of air at all. You are back in the vault that was on the prime material plane in Galtica all by yourself. And you are facing...

as the door continues to open up, you see some sort of

- An artificer armor standing there, and a second artificer armor, and a third artificer's armor, and another animated armor. These are looking massively powered. This is the highest top shelf security force of the man, the director, who owns this casino and worked with Arcus in order to put the Silver Linings Casino on the map in the first place, standing before you in front of eight

of these animated armor pieces is a, what is clearly Ostelin, a human artificer who is looking very suspicious and now very angry at his empty vault. - So the second that it would have opened up a crack and I would have seen that it wasn't just Ostelin, it was a bunch of security, I would try to shut it.

It's opening out. Yeah, if I could try to pull it closed. Because we closed it when we got in. I closed it.

The doors, this massive, huge circular bank vault doors, bank style vault door starts to swing open and you're expecting but one person on the other side in the center. But that's when you realize that he is a cadre of these impossibly strong looking armored suits, for lack of a better word,

that glow and thrum with arcane energy. And as soon as you see the first or second one, you look to see what you could possibly grab onto in order to pull it. This is a push out style door. There isn't a handle on the back, but maybe, just maybe if you can grab the side

you might be able to pull, but you're pulling against the leveraged force of what is almost certainly one of these armored creatures on the other side who's turning the wheel in order to get this thing to open. It's going to be very difficult in order to get there, and also pull it closed. You'll need to make a dexterity check in a contest, and then you will have to succeed a strength check at disadvantage.

22? Wow. You race forward and you are able to grab onto the interior of the door and you think that maybe, just maybe, you could save your fingers and get this thing to pop you back into the elemental plane of air. You have vertigo inspiration, remember. And there's probably a twist, yeah.

- Is that a seven or a one? - That's a one. - That was a nine, right? Or it was a five. - It was a five. - So that's still better. - So five, so seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. - Okay. - Where did you get this pug mug? - Oh, Mike got it for me. - Oh, that was nice, Mike. That's a great mug. - 17. - That is a great mug. - Does it have the writing on the other side too? - No, it's just pug. - Dog hair don't care. - The stat block I'm using for the other side of things is a Helmed Whore.

The Helmed Horror rolled a natural 16, plus four is 20. You put your fingers on the interior, and it's slick. It's very smooth metal. You try to pull, and you can't quite get the leverage that you need, and it starts to slip out of your grasp, and this door is opening. And to your horror, there are, what I described before, eight full...

- The artificer has made suits of armor ready for battle, carrying terrible looking swords, shields on either side, and this artificer who's looking at you with great menace, fury, a twinge of fear for the treasure that is now missing from his vault. Let's switch back to the elemental plane of air. - Okay. - Connie misses me, he's crying. - I know, I'm so sorry.

What is Glitzy doing with Gino and Orla as you guys are making your way down into the center of this castle? Just checking to see if there's more loots.

Yeah, seeing if there's any-- My plan is going really well. Is there any intact castles? There's a-- let me paint a picture for you. This center column or tower that you're coming down the exterior of passes a large framed doorway that looks into what is clearly the bed chambers of Arcus that was.

Moving, continuing on your way down, it would lead into a central chamber, some sort of a living area where you can assume that this is maybe where there's a kitchen or a dining room, maybe a reading room, these kinds of things. Through that space, you can see that there are two large additional towers. And knowing that you have very little time, I'm going to assume that you are moving quickly as you continue to explore, waiting to hear news from Knuckles.

And in this time, you make your way through that space and it's just as I described, there are living items. There are mounted hunting animals on the walls. Going through, you can take the left tower, you can take the shorter tower or the taller tower, I will say. - I like shorter. Short and squat. - Short. - Okay.

I'll follow. The three of you make your way into the shorter of the two towers, and this appears to be some great aviary. As you walk in, the musk and smell of animals hits you. This is...

what clearly was Arcus's sort of pet room. And along the entire interior of the walls, there are a number of sleeping animals. Each one of them seems to be a large griffin. Huge griffins who are all sort of slumbering and waiting. Some of them sort of look up and look at you curiously. - Are they behind anything? - They're in their play pens, for lack of a better word.

- I think these are terrible flesh eating animals, right? Wait, how do you spell Griffin? Is it G-R-I-F-F-O-N or G-R-Y-P-H-O-N or G-R-I-F-F-I-N? Anybody know? - So it doesn't look like there's anything to steal. - Yeah, I think that was the Walt... Hey here, hey Knuckles, did you murder that guy yet? Over. - What'd I hear?

Probably not, right? I don't believe that extra planar communication is possible with shell phones from Galtico. Maybe they are with other spaces, but in this moment, no. Across any distance and even other planes of existence. Does it say that? Yeah. But if the target is on a different plane than you, there's a 5% chance that the message doesn't arrive. Roll a d20.

- All right. - Holy shit. - Natural 20. - You got a natural 20? - No, he didn't. - You got a natural 20? Well, you hear it extra loud. As soon as the door starts to slip, you guys are quite a ways away from the vault door and the button at this point, but you hear Knuckles respond as soon as you hear this message. - I'm still holding on, right?

You, uh, it's, yeah, you're holding on, but you're being pulled along with it as it's starting to creep open. This is real bad. It's not just one guy. It's one guy in, like, eight million suits of fucking armor. I need help! Oh, we'll get back right away. I don't know if you got, I got ported back to reality. Can you port back here? I don't think so. Uh-oh. Are we stranded? This isn't good. How do we get out? I'm gonna be in this allergic place forever. Hold on.

I have an idea. How long can you survive, Knuckles? I don't know, maybe a minute or two? No. I think I need more than a minute. We're gonna come save you, Knuckles. Don't worry. How on earth am I gonna survive? We're gonna pull a card from this deck. You know, I think it might be our only choice. I think it's our only choice.

Well, let's see what happens then. It's dire. It's dire means. You're going to do very badly. Oh, yeah. There's only one way to save Knuckles. So why don't you hand me the deck and you pull one card just in case something horrible happens. Yeah, yeah. That way we don't lose the whole deck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I guess what will be happening now from my perspective? Yes.

- We're gonna do this first. - Holy shit. - All right. - Just hold the door. - Just a moment. - Hold the door. - We're gonna go back to Knuckles, but I just wanted to hand you this so you can start thinking about it. And when you pull a card, don't forget to say, "Don't fuck me, Kimma." - Kimma! - Holy shit! Thank you, Kimma. - Don't fuck me, Kimma. - Knuckles.

You hear that they're gonna come and save you, but you're now staring at an armor, an army of motionless armors and Austin, Austalin, and he looks at you. Now, what you gonna do about my missing treasure, friend? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

They tried to rob this place. I was hired as secret security by Boss O'Houla and I followed him in and I killed him. I don't want to hear a word out of your mouth. We're going to sort this out, but we're going to do it my way. And he pulls into his pouch what looks like an orb of metal and he whips it around softball style and shoots it at you. I need you to make...

Oh, he gets to make a ranged spell attack against you. Oh, no. Does a 15 hit? No, it does not. You have dreads.

- Thanks. - Oh no, it does hit, it does hit, nevermind. - Okay, on a hit, you suddenly, this ball just reaches your chest and then almost comes to a stop before elaborate iron bars start to come out like arms and hug and twist around you. You've seen this happen once before. When you were in the game room, you saw the drunkard who got immediately snapped up and pulled and this is exactly the thing that has happened to you now as you

As much as you are trying to resist, it is magically containing you and pulling you into a armor, an iron band of different scraps and stuff. You are basically motionless and not paralyzed, but unable to get out of the way, but you can still speak. - Let me out. I swear to God, it's gonna be real bad for you if you keep me in here for one second longer.

Tell me why that is. What happened to my treasure? What exactly is going on here? - The treasure is not there. They put it in a magical item that only I know the command word for. - Make a deception check. Oh.

- Ooh. - Ooh. - That's pretty good. - 21. - We're all Tim Allen here tonight. - Thank you. - I can do that surprisingly well. - I have like a B plus. - Yeah, all right, all right, all right. What kind of magical item

Something I've never heard before, but... The last Drowder I killed, it's dying words. Who gave me the command word? How did you make your way in here? Who are you? Private security for Boss O'Houlihan. Behold them. How can I trust any word you have to say? Where do these bodies come from? You could be trying to pull one over my eyes, friend. I'm dressed as a fucking dealer!

And why exactly is that? Because I needed to blend in. Barso Uliher made the biggest bet of his life on that fucking game, and he bet on a stupid Mighty Trunks, and I don't even know who fucking won the game, but he wanted to make sure that I was here so that his bet, nothing happened to it. And I stumbled on his drow trying to steal his gold. Now what happened on the other side of this vault then? Where's Arcus? He would have come running.

He died to a boulder. I don't know. It was all just chaos. It was pandemonium. I killed the drow, and then all of a sudden, everything turned to black. We're going to get to the bottom of this.

He turns and he whispers to one of the armors. The armor turns and starts to walk back to the lift and walks inside and starts to make its way down. Now, my friend is gonna go and get one of our chief security officers. He's gonna do a little magic magic on you. Make sure you tell him the truth. If you are, then it'll be a great reward and we'll find that treasure together, understand?

I'm just going to say, if you don't let me out right now, I'll never tell you. I'll never tell you the word to open up where that treasure's hidden and it'll just be lost forever. It almost died with that man. Make one more deception check. He rolled a natural one on the first one. Can I twist? Yeah, sure. 14. 13. Ah.

All right, but no funny business. I know how uncomfortable those things are. I fell into one of my own inventions once. He turns and he reaches behind the neck and you feel a little click and it suddenly collapses back into a ball, which he catches in his hand very dexterously. And he, yeah. Now, if you don't mind, we're going to stay real close. We're going to stay inside this vault. Understand? All right. We're all going to be in the vault.

But that's what I just said. All right. Now, we're going to wait for my chief security officer, and then he's going to put his own truth on you. All right? All right. And we'll get to the bottom of this.

So let's just go here, I don't mean any harm, and I'll go into the vault. You walk backwards into the vault, and you can see how picked clean this space is. There's a few dirty coins in the corners, perhaps, and perhaps one empty scabbard or sheath on the wall for a magical dagger of some kind. You're thinking about the fact that on your person is everything that used to be in this room. LAUGHTER

And that's where we'll cut back to the rest of you. What are you three doing? All right, boss. I shuffle them real good. Pick the right one. You know, just use, what do they call it? Like intention, like manifest success. You know what I mean? Okay. And just use your intuition and whichever card is drawing you to it, just pull that one. Okay. And like, don't second guess yourself, you know, boss, like pick the first one that comes to mind. Cause that's always the right answer. One moment.

I know you'll pick the right one and I'll cast Barak Inspiration on him too. Oh. Yeah, so, you know, just whichever one of these is drawing you to them. I feel very inspired. Yeah. I feel like I gotta... Just pick one. I feel like I wanna... Only pick one though, boss. You know, this little guy's trying to hide from me. I'm gonna give it to him. Before you look at that card that you've just selected. Oh. This one.

Doesn't look good. Yeah. I'm going to ask you to take a different card with my twist of dread. Can I move this one to the side so we can see what it is later? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Holy shit. And welcome, Dark Lord Blossom. Thanks for hanging out. Thank you. You know, boss, I don't think that was the one. No, I don't think that was it. You know, I know I said not to second guess yourself and to go with the first one. No, I'm second guessing myself. Is anyone else feeling a little overly sweaty and nervous and full of loss? Gino casts paper towels out of nowhere. So go ahead, pick a different one. This time, manifest success and pick your first choice. Okay. I think that this one is the right one.

Okay, boss. Oh gosh. I'll pull it out. Do you want me to tell you what it says? No, you do it. You do it, boss. Okay. You agreed to one card as per the magic of the deck and only you will be able to trigger its magic. You turn the card from its vellum side to its face and you look at your fate, your new destiny.

Dungeon? What? What does it say? Dungeon? Donjon. It's called like five. It's the Donjon card. This is a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. If you're doing Dungeons and Dragons. It's like Exodia. If you pull that and the Dragon card, you win D&D. Well, you know. You know. You know.

- Part of me wonders if this will help in some way. - This one is coming, sitting over here so that we can talk about whatever it is. - That was the meanest use of a dread I've ever seen. - I think that's great. - Thank you. - Did you see what it was? - No. - Or did you just do it for fun? - I did it because I wanted to make sure that whatever the shuffling that you were doing was accurate. I'll be completely honest. - I love that. - So what does Dungeon do?

You look at this card and... Oh, that's probably a good thing. I knew a guy named Don and a guy named John. They were pretty cool. The... Yeah, Don and John. There we go. I can't believe Derek didn't trust my shuffling. The world disappears. You...

feel nothing. There's no conscious thought. There's blankness. And for the two of you, you see him turn this card and suddenly drop it as his form disappears. And it feathers down to the ground, falling like a card, disappearing into... Not disappearing, but just landing on the ground, ready to be reshuffled into the deck. It's a Donjon. Donjon.

And it's got this weird Spoderman in a bubble in what looks like beneath a basketball court. And so that you have full player knowledge. Donjon, you disappear and become entombed in a state of suspended animation in an extra-dimensional sphere. Everything you were wearing and carrying stays behind in the space you occupied when you disappear. Oh, my drow costume! Oh, my drow costume! Hot topic!

You remain imprisoned until you are found and removed from the sphere. You can't be located by divination magic, but a wish spell can reveal the location of your prison. You draw no more cards. You're going to be the big bad on the next turn. Wasn't that in that Superman movie where he looked in that game? Yeah.

- This has got to be like one of the worst ones. - That's up there. - So, no, the boss is gone, but he got out. So should we pull a card? - What happened to him? I don't know if that's the best option. - Finally, I feel nothing. The meds finally work. - Boss, boss. - Oh god, yeah. - Can we send in some-- - Can we talk to you, boss?

Didn't it say extra planar? Well, you would see his, and then you'd probably hear... Oh, his stone on the ground! Oh, no! Oh, no, look, his stone right there. Oh, no, my bottle of pills on the ground. You talk into it, and you hear your own voice echo on the floor. Oh, look at that, Ola. His stone's right there next to his dirty underpants. Oh, no.

Why would he wear underpants with that many holes in them? Like, most of it's not even attached to the band! Were these supposed to be a different color than brown ones? They look like they might have been blue. This is distressing to think that we've been heisting with somebody with such terrible underpants.

Did he not have enough money to buy a new underpants? So should we pick a card? No, they're crippling debt, I assume. Should we pick one and see if we go to where he goes? Do we want to? Is there another way to leave this area? I don't know. I think we should try it. Seemed like it worked for the boss. I'm going to suggest that she goes first. Okay, well then you got to take the cards. All right.

Should I give him a little shuffle? Yep, yep. And let's resolve what the other card does. Oh, okay. So that we can put it back in. Comet. Comet.

What is this? You can put that one back in. If you single-handedly defeat the next hostile monster or group of monsters you encounter, you gain experience points enough to gain a level. Oh, I'm level four! Yay! I'm the king of the world! If I single-handedly... Oh, wait. It's the fucking... It's Tiamat. No.

Nose says, "Calling it now, Arc-5 of Prime, the party finds Geno's prison." And calling it now may also be suggesting it. And then they can deliver Geno to Bearhive. Holy shit. Alright. Okay, let me see. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. Oh, I got the moon card! I love moons. Roll a d6 for me. Oh fuck!

Three! Three moons! You worry if you turn this face that you'll disappear and end up wherever Geno is. You have no idea the nature of this deck, what it could possibly mean. But you turn the vellum face to see the image. Instead of blackness and darkness, there is what appears to be a beautiful illustration of

moon's face and it goes from waxing just a thin crescent to waning and then revolves it's really pretty and then revolves through full moon again and then it revolves through a full moon again before finally going dark in the face as of the card and the magic extinguishes just don't disappear you feel this sudden revelation in your heart

You feel this growing sense of power as though you have not just the ability to make a one wish, but three. No fucking way. This is part of my plan. I am the maximum.

Oh my god! I was the best! Shut up! Oh my god! You know, this guy's really pretty, Ola. I feel like... I don't know. I feel like I could have things if I wanted them. You know what I mean? Like a way out of here? Yeah, maybe, but I don't know. I think you should pull from the deck and see what happens. Oh my god. Ha ha ha!

- I don't know that that's the best idea. - Why not? I didn't go anywhere. - If it seems like you have some newfound power, maybe we should use that.

Yeah, but, I mean, so far, boss got out of here. That's great. That's a thumbs up. I feel super powerful. I mean, to be fair, he's a bear, so he's pretty hairy anyway. No one's going to notice his little wiener. He's not that little. He's in some strange, he's like Super Monkey Ball right now. Just like rolling through some impossibility. They're not even bananas.

What?

Orla, are you a punk-ass bitch? I look a little annoyed. No. Would you want your kids growing up thinking their mom was a punk-ass bitch? Too afraid to draw a card from a magical deck? I guess not. Alright then. Fine.

Just, you know, pick whichever one you think is the most, you know, like I said to Gino, manifest positivity. Pick the first one that comes to mind. Just grab whichever one you think is right. Think about Don.

- Think about the dawn. - Don John. God, I did my old boss. - Oh, this looks fun. Jester. - Oh. - That could be good. - The Jester. - I mean, I am a bard and there's bard-y qualities here. - Look, see that, Ola? You weren't a punk-ass bitch and you haven't exploded yet. - In 1.5 seconds. - As you say that. - You are now level four.

- Oh. - What? - And. - Is that a permanent thing? Can I like update my shit? - You have the option of drawing two additional cards. - What? That seems dangerous. - Do I put the Jesta back in here? - No. - You know what I said about being a punk ass bitch?

- I do. - I'll tell Merry Christmas that a mom flaked out at the last minute. - And you know who I think-- - Hold the lower. - Can you see? - Do I have the option of picking zero, one or two? - You do. And I would say I'm not as a DM going to say like make a charisma saving throw or wisdom saving throw to see if you're compelled. You just suddenly,

You always knew you could draw a card from this deck, but the idea is planted in your mind like a seed in a field. A carrot field. You know, draw the first one, see how you feel. See how punk-assy you feel after the first one, you know? You're very convincing, let's see. I don't know that I like it. It's part of being a fae folk, you know? Go ahead. Good card, I can feel it. Don John. For fuck's sake. Skull seems great. That's probably good. Hey, yeah. Yeah.

You play the lovely game Skull. I hate you all so much. You're pressuring the newest player. I don't appreciate it. I just want to go home to my family. Or la vaporize them. The sound of a bell toll suddenly resounds around you and you turn knowing what you will see before you see it.

An avatar of death. Great. A ghostly humanoid skeleton, tattered black robe, carrying a spectral scythe at its side. It appears just ten feet from you and raises its bony finger and hand outstretched to you. And you feel that...

You must defend yourself or succumb to this avatar of Beyond the Veil. We're gonna have to do some combat now. Can I cast Fall of Orochi? You can. Do you want to pull your second card and see if you can use it to do some death? Yeah.

- I'm gonna fucking kill you, Belmont! - Can she see the death avatar? - I would say I'm still just holding the cards out, like looking at you while you stare off. - You're now in slow-mo and I just look over and there's death. - Yeah, you just turn and you see an avatar of death. You hear a voice boom out as well. Glitzy, you hear this voice. - This fight is only between us.

I don't want to fight anybody anyway. Ola and death. Pull another car, hurry! You know that if you interfere with the battle that bad things will happen from just the sound of this crackling... The crackling voice of this avatar. We're going to... I'm going to switch back over to jazzy combat music. Roll for initiative. Will this thing do level 4?

Yeah, I'm great. Yeah, did I do this right? I am a level four now. Yep. Does anything reset when you level up? Nope. It's not like, wow. You know what? I totally get why they say don't give this to your party because you really want to keep pulling cards. Maybe I'm the one with the hand. What is your maximum hit point amount?

My 30? You mean like my full health? Yeah, if you were at full health. I'm at full power. What is your maximum health? 35. 35. You should take counter spell. It's part of your level up. I don't know what that means. I'll take the spell counter spell. You don't get it. Alright, it's a little furniture. This is a level 3 spell. 13.

- You go first. It starts to swing at you and raises its scythe up, but you're a fast rabbit and you're able to make your first choice as to how you want to deal with this sudden threat. - Just fucking blast him. Just destroy him. - I think I'm gonna shout out your death, that your death, I don't know, I was expecting something a little scarier and it'll cast hideous laughter.

Okay, it has to... I think it's a wisdom saving throw? It is a wisdom saving throw. It gets a six. Wisdom 15 is the attack, so that really fails. It falls prone, becomes incapacitated, and is unable to stand up for the duration. And the length of time is one minute, as long as I can concentrate. Prepare to face your mortality. And you say this, and it goes...

I'm just an avatar. And it falls over and in its drapes of tattered cloth starts to roll around on the floor, unable to do anything. On its turn, can it make a save to try and stop? That seems like an important thing to know. Unless there's anything else you want to do. And at the end of each of its turns and each time it takes damage, the target can make another wisdom saving throw.

- This time it succeeds. - Yeah, it has advantage on the saving throw if it's triggered by damage too. - Oh, it hadn't taken any damage. I took a natural 17 on my roll, so it finally succeeds. What am I doing? - But it lost one turn. - But it lost a turn and it's prone now. - That's fun, I like that. - I can't believe we've done this to the new game. - You're welcome. - If there's one class that's good for one-on-one combat, it's the Bard. - That's really funny.

- I'm gonna go-- - I think to myself in my prison. - I'm gonna go for a dart, I'm gonna throw a dart. - Okay. - Okay, we go, voila. - Otherwise I have to get in close. - We've roughed up weirdos in Rogue before. - A ranged attack against a prone creature will be at disadvantage.

Why? Because of the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. I can hit them extra well if they're just laying there. No, they can dodge as well. You have advantage on prone creatures if you do a melee attack. Oh, then let's do that. I'm learning. Give me some credit. Kick him in the face all along. I'm going to do a dagger attack then. I'm assuming I can just like... Yeah, you can literally just jump on it and start doing this.

I'm gonna do exactly that. Jail shank it. With those noises. Jail shank it. They're the prison shank and take penitentiary, I learned. I had given you my prison shank. With those noises. So I'm making an additional. Yep, add advantage. Dirty 20. And I do 1d4 plus 4. That hits.

So five damage? Five damage. I will say that just hits, which is table parlance for that's its AC. It's 20 AC, it's not so bad. It's got 20 AC? It's just an avatar of death. And it's like the blue cat people avatar. It's not the airbender avatar. That's how bad it is. Um.

You jump on the creature and you stab into it and you feel like you make a good amount of damage. It sinks into the ground incorporeally and disappearing and then immediately shifts back up right next to you with its scythe and swings down for an attack. It's going to do that and... I hate you all, by the way. Everyone on this table is my enemy. Okay.

- You are so welcome. - And the best part is you get to draw another card after you kill this guy. - I get to, I get to. - You get to. - Interesting terminology. - I see why this is scary. I don't roll to hit, it just hits. - Oh good. - Does he have multi attack? - You take five slashing damage as the scythe swings through you. It doesn't...

cut into you. It goes through you, but you feel the idea of slashing in your soul at the deepest, coldest part. - Oh, I just felt someone walk over my face. - And that feeling is so horrifying and painful, you take an additional seven necrotic damage.

This is all just straight damage I add to my HP, right? Yep, yep, yep. I mean, you should subtract it from your HP, but... I'm adding negative numbers. I think Nuzzle's in trouble. You're go again. It's standing in front of you, having just swung, and it's clearly coming around for another...

Good God. I am a baby. We have fought plenty of perverts and rogues before. Little Lone Guard says, Lauren brings you kittens and you make her fight dead. I didn't make her do this. I didn't call her a punk bitch. I think Lauren's talking to me. You want me to tell your kids you're a punk ass bitch? All right.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna like, probably like doubled over all of those. It hurts. It stinks. Didn't even hurt. And I'll cast Mind Fliver at him. Okay. Which is one of my cantrips. Intelligence? Yeah, it's an intelligence saving throw of 15. He gets a 4 plus 3, 7. So he takes 1d6 of psychic damage.

And I got a six. Oh, thanks. There we go. And you have to subtract the d4 from your next saving throw. I will remember to do that. Is that until the beginning of your next turn? Before the end of my next turn. Before the end of your next turn. It starts to swing around and it... And it swipes through at you with its scythe again. You take...

seven slashing damage and an additional two necrotic damage as it swipes through you from the side again, and it hurts. You realize that you're facing mortality, that you could die from this. If you aren't able to kill this thing very quickly, and you think you're doing progress, but you have no idea how tough this creature could possibly be, you're starting to feel a little scared, and the music is helping.

Is this what hell sounds like? Your turn. Alright, I'm gonna hobble up and do the whole, like, this is all you've got sort of swagger and say, you don't even want to be doing this, and I'm gonna cast Charm Person. Okay.

Make an intelligence check. Oh, fuck. Is he a, oh, is he maybe not even a humanoid? I would say that's an advantage if you want. See, the spooky skeleton is probably undead. 14. Is humanoid and undead mutually exclusive? Even between five and 10, you know that he has challenged you to a duel of death.

that his, not quarry, but his reason for existence via the magic of the card is to kill you. So there's nothing I can do. A charmed creature might make him like you more as he kills you. All right, so after he took the last swipe, did he get up? Did he spend any time? He actually sank through the floor and then emerged standing. Got it. We're going to do some more darts, I think. You pull out your darts and whip them forward.

- 10. - That misses, unfortunately. It goes through the rib holes and out the back of his cape and he swings down again. This is going to be six slashing and one necrotic. - Great.

I've been out of the combat game for so long as a mother of ten, which, by the way, you're responsible for when I die. You're gonna be raising ten rabbit babies. Perfect. Um... I'll make sure Merry Christmas finds a good boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. Why don't you just leave a deck of cards like this right next to it?

I was told that I could not interfere in any way. Yeah, she had death, so she couldn't interfere. Yeah, but as long as they're just sitting there and she draws one, it has nothing to do with you. They're sitting right there on the ground. All she has to do is draw one. I'm not stopping her. That's a good point. You're also not here. You could also join me in the Don John. It's right next to the Ron John. I was waiting for that.

It's right next to the... Don't go into the wrong one. I just wanted overpriced, kitschy surfing gear. Devastating. I just wanted some tight board shorts. I'm gonna fucking wipe the blood off my chin and cast Hideous Laughter again. Okay.

That's going to... Wisdom 15. Wisdom 15. And remember, you have to subtract a d4 from your taking throw. That is really, really good. I'm sure it was. He has a plus three wisdom. I rolled a 15. So what did you have to subtract? I have to roll a d4. Just fail. He gets a 14.

He falls to the floor, laughing at your pathetic attempts to hold on to life. It's your turn again. Oh, maybe just that. I think it's mind sliver time again. You keep mind slithering.

- Why do you have like a 2003 Motorola Sunday? - You hear this from the... So that bird that whispers, wherever that bird might be, it's not Knuckles, it's not Glitzy, but that bird, an avatar of death is summoned because it aided the person in the duel and they're having their own fight now. But you do get the advice. - That's amazing.

- All right, I'll mind sliver again. - A pigeon griffin. - You have to make an intelligence saving roll of 15. - Oh, it was a 17 and then a notch down to an eight. You're good to go. What do you sliver? - Ooh, one D6 psychic damage. You get five. - Five.

This damage is actually starting to seem to be slowing down. You feel that if you could do one more point of health damage to it, that you will have won this duel. But it's turn. And once again, it uses its incorporeal movement to disappear into the terrain itself. It took damage. Oh, it's still laughing. So it has to do a wisdom saving throw right now. I didn't do the one from the previous round. So it...

- It wasn't laughing the previous round. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She cast Hideous Laughter and then I said it's her turn again and that's when she just used Mind Sliver again. So I should have rolled previously. - Yes, at the end of its turn. - Oh yeah. - I failed that. So now I'm going to roll again at the end of my turn to see if I still am laughing. - But this time it's Mind Slivered so you have to minus the d4. - Now I will do the minus d4 again with 14.

- You just failed. - And I rolled a fucking another four. So he fails again. - I'm beating Jeff today! - With the humor of a mom, apparently. It's your turn once again. He's still laughing and prone on the ground. - I'm fucking mind slivering him again. - But you do get one more because she attacked. - Oh, end of turn and damage. Both are saving throws. - Both trigger saving throws. - 11, he doesn't make it. - Okay, I'm casting mind sliver again. You have to make an intelligence saving throw of 15.

And because I cast Mind Sliver the last time, your next hit. It's intelligence. Did you take four out of the last time? No, you took four out of that. It's intelligence. He has a plus three. It's a nine. I'll take my d20 back. And you use it. It's screaming and laughing in insanity, staring up at the darkening sky. It takes six damage. It takes six damage, and this avatar...

Dust in the wind. Holy fuck. See, I told you you weren't a punk-ass bitch. Now take another card. I'm like inches from death. There you go. I'm holding intestines like into my stomach. I will say you actually don't have any visible injuries. It was all fucking in my head. Siding through you is your face with mortality, not with physical damage. Oh.

My arm's getting tired holding this deck out here. Why don't you give me a minute, please? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. I don't know, but like, can I do my two at any point of time? Is it like genie wishes where I can do one twenty years from now? It's a weird way to say it. It should be like, you have to draw two more cards. Right. But...

It just says that you can take two more cards beyond your declared draws. Is there like a limit where you can only draw one card per player? No, it's sort of like the way that we do Twists of Fate in Icebound, where you have to say how many you're doing before you start drawing. So you say, I'm going to draw three cards, and then you take the first one, and then you take the next one, and then you take the next one. I really wish Orla would draw another card. But there's nothing stopping you from declaring more cards. Yeah, I picked one, but I didn't declare that I was only going to pick one.

- You said you were gonna draw one card, which is what you did. - At that moment, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But I didn't say like one of the two or anything. Like I just said, I'm gonna pick one card. - You said, I'll take an additional card and that would be in my mind,

satisfying the rule of declaring that you're gonna draw one card. - Okay. - So are you gonna draw another card or not? 'Cause I'm getting bored. - Not until I feel a little better. - I really wish we were all back in the room above Geno's house with all of that gold. - And let's take a coffee break. - Guys, what the fuck? - You're not even gonna let me work my way out of this?

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Gino, you turn the card to see the face of your next fate, your destiny. And the card vanishes from your hand. And you recognize the smell. You recognize the sight. You are back in the second floor of Gino's Deli. You look around and you can see Knuckles standing there, his arms up.

You can see Glitzy. You can see Orla, who's looking pale and terrified, but everyone is alive, and you all four find yourself exactly where Glitzy wished you to be. Well, well, well. Oh, my God. What happened? You used one of your wishes. I didn't know I had any wishes. You know? I guess that was just internalized knowledge.

Also... I just felt super powerful. Why do you even bother? Well, well, well. Anyone else like to celebrate our victory with a ye olde fashion? Hey, boss.

We got more of these cards. You want to pull another one? How the fuck did you just do that? Because, my good man, your aspirations to be boss will be your downfall, my young man. My ambitious young man. My young man. It wasn't even my idea. I can't believe you would try to usurp me on this, the day of the heist. But anyways, I proved that I was a mastermind when I said that that little deck was the key to everything. And it was. What?

I feel for the handkerchiefs. You're holding them. I slap them down. Oh, thank goodness. There is not enough space in this tiny apartment for a six-foot hole. But to be fair, I did wish for us and all of the-- Does that include anything that didn't fit in the-- Oh, Gino, you're entirely nude. All of your things have been left in the element-- Wouldn't anyone care for any old fashioned-- Yeah, all of your things have been left in the elemental-- It's like I'm at the YMCA.

Okay, here you go. I just look down. I don't care. I'm an old man. I got fur. Here you go. Here you go, Orla. - Thanks. - You have a little carrot juice. Pour a little bit of milk in there for you, Glissy. There you go. - Your bathrobe is right there where you left it. - Ah, there's my bathrobe. I gotta fix that fan. I'm really sweaty and I get nervous. You know, I already kind of miss a nice piece of the void and existenelessness.

I think we need to celebrate with a toast with that unicorn too. Haven't we been carrying around a unicorn the whole time? Waller, did you want to draw another card from this deck? I do. I have to admit that I do. I'm very grievously injured, I think. Wait, what? What is this deck? We found this, well, the boss found this inside of the vault and he used it and he was naked and gone. I used it and

felt like kind of powerful but I didn't know why and then Orla used it and she got bigger but only by like one point and then she fought death and won cause she ain't no punk ass bitch and so now she's gonna pull another card and see what happens oh and then I said well I'm not gonna repeat it just in case all of a sudden it happens again but I essentially asked for us to be here with all of the money and then we were

I didn't know that's what happened. I just thought it all worked out because I said for you to take the deck. That's really wonderful. Thank you very much. You really had a lot of foreskin. I mean foreskin. So are you going to pull? I think I will. Go ahead, do it. It works, Void. You know? Watch my children. What the fuck? It's like my...

- Oh, those were the pills that my doc gave me. Oh. - Okay. - What the fuck is- - Tell my children that peer pressure is for no man. - I'll write an after school special with all of my billions of gold and produce it myself. This is an enhanced Don John. - Stop it. - You know, I really wish Orla had picked a different card.

- This black card spells disaster. - I wish that I picked a different card. - Your soul is drawn from your body. You see the entire genus Delia disappear into a very small place. Almost like you're traveling through the astral plane. You see Galtika, you see the curvature of Vantress as you disappear into nothingness. - I have known all time.

Your soul, your body stays where it is. So all of you see Orla just collapse and hit the ground. The disgusting drab carpet of Geno's apartment. Ain't no bad drab. Your soul is drawn and contained in an object in a place of the dungeon master's choice.

One or more powerful beings guard this place. While your soul is trapped in this way, your body is incapacitated. A wish spell cannot restore your soul, but the spell reveals the location of the object that holds it. You draw no more cards. Well, I think there's a plot of our next ice. Okay.

You suddenly get this knowledge. Well, to be fair, I didn't wish to restore her soul. I wish that she'd picked a different card. The magic happens immediately. Just saying. Just saying. Loophole. Buckhole. I would say that your second spell occurs and is wasted. A wish spell cannot restore her soul. So you're not going to tell me where her item is? Oh, yeah. You've got to at least tell them where her item is. Oh, but it does reveal the location of the object that holds it.

Let him eat along. I just feel something like squiggling at my brain, you know? Like I'm seeing darkness. What the fuck happened there? I'm trying to talk to you right now. I think that Orla's not with us any longer. But I feel like I can see in my mind's eye where she is and where she's trapped. Come on, I didn't make it that strong, Orla. But it's kind of dark. Come on, you lightweight.

Pick yourself up. It's kind of dark and there were some big people there and they're guarding over her, you know. Maybe it'll come to you. Yeah, in the meantime. Yeah, I'm going to think on it for a while. No, boy. Come on. Knuckles, you've been drawing one. It's great. Everybody's doing it. Oh my, can it bring me great power? Yeah, it can. Yeah, it can. Or it can trap you in a mind prison. But you do have to

have to declare how many you're gonna draw before you draw your first one. How many should I draw? Like three or four or five? I think three is a good number. You can only draw up to three. I mean, the worst that could happen is what happened to me. I'll draw three. I'll draw three. Yeah, there you go. And we'll just do this while I wait to figure out where Woola's at. Yeah, exactly. Okay, there we go. Can I have another glass of milk? I come back after my R&D and you're drawing more cards? What's happening? This is why you don't give a party of cards.

I would continue to have many things. I think if you want to wait until... Sorry, Abby. To plan the next... Oh, yeah. Don't really get the commit. I see. No, no, no. It will come to you before we end tonight's session. Go ahead. Sun. Yeah.

Oh, I got the moon card, and that was really cool. So maybe the sun card. Give that to me. I have to put it over here with all the disappeared ones. Well, if you guys are going to play card games, deal me a nice hand. But I'm going to make Orla. Here we go. I'm going to prop her up in a chair. I'll adjust her hat. I'll, uh...

We should probably put some sunglasses on you. - It's like weekend at Bernie's. - Okay, and then there you go. - We get a Geno's. - We get a Geno's. That's the next one. I'll like pour another old sash with carrot juice and I'm like, okay, take this one. Take it, take it. Oh, you spilled my, my, God, that was some good bourbon. - Why? - Unbelievable.

- Oh my God. - So I wonder what this card's gonna do. - Thank you Murdock209 for the Prime Sub. - Thank you Murdock, thank you for the Prime Sub. Welcome to the family. - Wait, so I was able to be wished out of the mind prison because mine wasn't as bad as the void? - Yeah. - Oh wow, that's great.

- Well, I mean, man, I kinda wish I went back though. That felt real nice. It's like that stuff that Vinny takes from that quail. - I mean, that's what you really wanted, which you were back in the mine for. - Okay, you are suddenly you're level four.

You feel suddenly much stronger. But more importantly, you look down and... Your penis is gone. Your penis is sheathed by a beautiful belt. And you recognize this belt. This is the belt that Arcus was wearing. And you suddenly realize that you feel stronger than you've ever felt. You have a belt of cloud giant strength. What?

- I can't kill guns! - You have a 27 strength score. - What? - Oh, this is gonna be-- - You see what I said, Knuckles? I said that this deck is just so powerful. - That's really nice. - There's so many cool things in here. Go ahead and pull your next one. - Knuckles, have you been working out more than usual? - Pull your next one, Knuckles.

Oh, he gets another fucking level. I did level five. Bullshit. You did level five. And you give that back to me. And you know what that means? You get to pull three, two more times. Oh my goodness. Two more.

- Hit, keep going, deal me the next one. - Level five and if you want to, because of your declared draw, draw two additional cards, you may now. - Would you want to? - Oh, you want to go ahead? - I still have one regular draw card. - Yeah, give him the regular card. - Yeah, the next card has to happen and then if you want to-- - No, it's like when you have the blackjack table, you just keep saying hit me. - There you go. - Star. - Oh my goodness. - Oh, that sounds like a good one. I got the moon and I really liked how that one worked out.

Increase another one of your ability scores by two. This score cannot exceed 20, but it can exceed 20, but cannot exceed 24. - Strength is going up by two more. - Wait, Cloud Giant, it just sets you to 27. - It just sets you to 27. - Okay, then I'll do Calm. I'll add two Calm, okay? - Wow. - Okay, are you ready for more? - Oh my God. - I feel so sure, here we go. - Are you burning the cards so that they can-- - Yes. - Okay, okay. - I think Knuckles is on gear. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Be careful, you're gonna- GEM! Oh my- gosh! I like gems! They're really pretty and shiny, it's one of my favorite things ever.

Suddenly, jewelry from nowhere rains down upon you. 25 pieces of jewelry, each worth 2,000 gold pieces, suddenly appear at your feet. This is how Knuckles developed the gambling habit. That's great. I can't go wrong. Let's do one more. One more? One more. We're going to go one more. Okay? Here we go. Okay, okay. There we go. Pick a good one.

Which is actually very little wealth compared to the millions that you currently have on your person. Ruin. That's probably fine. You know, that's probably not a dramatically appropriate follow-up to all the power you just gave.

- Today's gonna be a real riches to rags. - You turn and look at the face of the card. Glitzy, in this moment, as you are watching this wealth get poured down, you get this image in your mind. - Yeah, that sounds right. - This image, you suddenly feel transported. You feel like you're looking at an extra planar space. You're looking...

The Feywild. Oh my god, this is the Feywild. You can tell just by its ethereal and beautiful quality. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. I can tell by its ethereal

And there's beautiful oranges and browns and golden colors in the leaves. This is the court of autumn. This is the court of autumn. And you fly forward and you realize you're in the central city. And as you get closer and closer, you realize that the object is the brooch.

on one of the arch fae of this court of autumn. - Oil is in the broche. What's a broche? - Oh, they make great French toast out of that. - This image hits you. - It's a brioche. - Oh, she's in a piece of bread. - She's in a loaf of brioche? I got them down in the deli. - It's more like a piece of amber on a broche.

It's a brioche. I'll go get all the brioche I have. All I'm coming. And I'll take my bread. A brooch? A brooch? A brooch. Oh, I. Sorry. It's a brioche. It's a brioche. She's eating a sandwich. She's eating all of them. This knowledge suddenly comes to you. And what question did you have? Nothing. Just what happens. Yeah, ruins. Did you look it up?

- What? - You looked up ruin, didn't you? - I have it here. - All forms of wealth that you carry or own other than magic items are lost to you. - Wait, did you just? - Portable property vanishes. Businesses, buildings, and land you own are lost in a way that alters reality the least. Any documentation that proves that you should own something is also lost to this card.

The jewelry disappears. The Dwarven belt dis- uh, the belt of Cloud Giant strength disappears. No, no, other than magic items. Right? That's what it says. All forms- yeah, you're right. Other than magic items. So you keep your portable holes. Oh, okay. And you keep your, um... But all the shit in it is gone. All of the shit in it would be gone. I really wish you'd drawn a different card. Return the card- no, no, no, I guess it's burned.

I don't know how to fucking roll this shit. I would say we can return it, because it's as if he had a different... Well, for now, he would draw another card. I would say it's as if that didn't happen, so we put that one back in and just hope that we don't get it. That's your final wish. Yes, I know.

- Welcome to Legends of Evandros where the points don't matter. - Derek, you shuffle. - Oh, thank you. - The rules may not be the points that matter. - Don't put Ruin back in. - No, we're putting Ruin back in 'cause I'm using the wish to undo it. - You're asking that I choose a different card, so I can't put Ruin. - And so when we-- - Yeah, Ruin would not be in. - Oh, okay. - Until after he comes back. - Yes, but then we would put Ruin back in. - Put in the burn pile. - Yeah. - Okay.

Okay, okay. I really wish that you had drawn a different card. I see all the gems vanishing in the sand now. You get an image of ruin. Fan them out. Yeah, fan them out. Thank you. So now all the gems are back and all the gold's still there. The gems are back and you'd have to check the portable holes to see if everything is there, but you suspect that it is even though Knuckles seems sudden panic in his face. Yeah. You're real.

Uriel? Uriel. Uriel. You are cursed. You look at the terrifying image on this card, and, uh...

In this moment, you suddenly realize that this is bad luck. Your streak has ended. Even though the image of all of the wealth being lost isn't true and reality, the thought will haunt you of losing such great wealth for the rest of your life. You've inherited so much from your heist that it's this fear that will cause a negative two penalty on all saving throws moving forward. Cool.

Indefinitely? Just forever? Only a god or the magic of the fates card, which you can also draw, can end this curse. Did I draw a five? Yep. Yeah, right? Yes. Two levels. Belt. Jester. You did commit to a certain number of draws, didn't you? Yeah, so he committed to five total. So you got a jester, star. Gem. Gem.

You have one left. Yeah, it ruined but replaced by a wish. So you have one left. So you must draw another card. Unless they all activate. Well, no, one is my last group from the Jester, so I could stop, but no, fuck it. I'm sure the guy will all need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like you gotta have it now. It's not an addiction. - You're sure? - As long as, as long as the, hey, why don't you transfer all of your wealth over to me? - They don't call him Wally and McGillicuddy for any of the, for nothing. - Exactly right. - Okay, okay, okay. - Fool. - Hey, that's not, it's like a gesture.

- Kind of fun. - You drop back down to level four. - Oh. - Oh. - You must discard this card and you must draw from the deck again. Counting both draws as one of your declared draws. - I gotta shuffle these 'cause I-- - I love the deck of many things. - This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to our channel. Thank you, Kimma. - Orla's body is just lying there. - Hey, Orla, aren't you enjoying this? - As if in disagreement.

Fights! Your luck is back. Let's go! A new story with an epic ending! I think that's where we call the night session. I don't have any more story for you.

- Oh, the Fates. So the Fates, Reality's fabric unravels and spins anew, allowing you to avoid or erase one event as if it never happened. You can use the card's magic as soon as you draw the card or at any other time before you die. So you don't have to use it. - You could bring Orla back. - You don't have to do it in order to get your curse removed. You could use it to do whatever you'd like, undo an event. - Don't bring Orla back. - It is way too funny narrative-wise. - I'm gonna use that as a hook for Feywild. - Yeah, for sure.

For sure, Abby. I don't want to be cursed. I don't want to be cursed. But I also don't want to be level four. That's a good point.

- Everyone knows what you're saying when you say this in reality. - Well, if you join my cult, you'll be able to pay money and get to level 85 if you wish. - I can't wish anymore, I'm all out of them. - I'm gonna hold onto these and just use it before I die. - Don't you have an hour to use it or something? - The Fates? - No, you're supposed to use it immediately. - Yeah, you're supposed to use it immediately. - Undo the curse.

You can use this card's magic as soon as you draw the card or at any other time before you die. Oh! Oh, the fates? Yeah. You feel that you have a... For the first time in the reality of the world, you have a twist of fate. I'll give you twist of fate. Oh my, that's very nice. This is how many we drew, and only one of us

suffered a horrible fate. - Actually, a couple of us-- - I have an idea if you thought last one to get Oylah back.

Yeah, what happened there? Because how does this dungeon mix, does this undo the... This is a twist of foresight. How do you solve this problem? How do you anticipate this moment and the emotional insanity rollercoaster that you've been on? Holy shit. This is the post-credits scene, by the way. I will actually, before you do this, I will ask if you were serious about...

the Court of Autumn. Oh, I think it would be amazing to incorporate that into the story in some way. Okay. So with that in mind, what are you attempting to solve? I'm just going to try it because we don't got any more of these, right? Mm-hmm. I think back to how, uh...

How Glissy was always bad at pronunciations. And so when she thought she saw a brooch, it was actually just a loaf of brioche down in the pantry. Guarded by two guys. And guarded by that quail. Guarded by a quail and a pervert rhino in a trench coat.

You have this moment of foresight. That's not the Feywild, Leslie! Haven't you been there? You have this moment of foresight, and you go down there and... It's really dirty in the Feywild. A lot of chickens. There are a lot of chickens in here. You go down, and these are the meanest quail, the meanest chickens. But you know how to handle them, and you're able to push them aside easily with your arms. Get the fuck out of here. You're the bogo...

Coupon on Tuesday. Get the fuck out of here. You grab the brioche and you feel that you have the loaf that contains Orla's soul.

I'm gonna make her... There's really not a pun, but I'll make her the Orla sandwich. Oh, he's cutting into her skull. You make a whole sandwich. I'm gonna make a sandwich. I'm gonna go up. Okay, Orla, open wide. This is the second time... Oh my god! This is the second time during this weird-ass three-shot that you've forced a sandwich down an unconscious person's throat. Your next, Glitzy. These are unconventional sandwiches. Okay.

And it's Orla's favorite. It's just carrots on bread. There you go, Orla. There you go. Eat up. Your favorite. You feed the unconscious body of Orla. It's your favorite. It's sole brioche and carrots. Sole brioche and carrots. But it's not sole brioche.

You know how Glitzy can mispronounce words sometimes. She meant brooch, and she meant the Feywild. Dang. Orla's buddy. Yeah.

She meant brocade. Oh, you meant baroque? Oh, gosh. I think she meant brocade of the fabric. I don't know why I can't say this word. Brooch? Brooch is a subject. Or an approach on yourself. Your body remains... Yeah, I'm not well. Now you have an unwanted sandwich in your mouth. Well, you know,

You'll have to continue feeding you until they get the soul back. If I had an Electrum Pete's for every time I had the foresight to create a special magical sandwich to force on someone's unconscious body, I'd have two Electrum Pete's. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happens like that. Thank you, Zach. But you know,

- Even though Orla's not here and she now has left 10 orphans to the world, we accomplished the heist. - No, we can't let little Merry Christmas go without a mom. - Can I grab the paper and see who won the game?

Oh, yeah, it would be easy enough to go outside and grab the... You boy would go by the biggest goose. What day is it? Who won? It's turkey, all right. Oh, it's a turkey. Is it a turkey or a goose? Who won? Who won what? Who won the game? Oh, the mighty trunk's good, sir. Everyone's celebrating down at the brewery. We're rich! I turn to the...

Those nerds just want a whole lot of money, and I want to try out this belt. Let's mug some people. Let's mug them! Hey, we're going to mug some people, little rabbit boy. Why don't you go buy us the biggest turkey down at the shop? Here's gold and treasure. You raise my hopes and dash them quite expertly, sir. I'm going to light someone on fire, maybe a whole block of the city. Ha ha ha!

- He runs. He doesn't even take the gold piece. It falls at his feet and he's just like, "Ah!" And runs as fast as his little feet will take him. - And Geo's still naked. - That is how the pervert and the quail and the pervert were gone. If they just saw me.

The nude bears are coming! The nude bears are bringing fireballs! Run! It's like the steam room at the YMCA. And that's where we'll end. And that's where we'll end tonight's session. I tried to end it like 18 times. A little early tonight, but you guys solved the problem very smartly. Just by getting English.

Oh, yeah. With a beholder, we can effortlessly mug them and steal all their newfound riches. And you've got like a timer on that friendship. So like he was only out for like six minutes. So every time you pop him out. Yeah, every time you pop him out, there's like a beholder timer. He's hurt. He's very hurt. But you've got a pretty good item there. Oh, hey, you have beautiful eyes.

Oh gosh, this is how it ends. - I will say that almost certainly you begin planning your next last heist. A heist into the Feywild. - The procurement of Ola. - A heist to get the Broke. - We gotta break. - Broke. - We gotta all-- - I'm munching on the brioche. We gotta break out Billy Mays before we get Ola back. So prison break, Feywild, Pixie break. Oh, she's not a Pixie. Fey break, Fey.

I got nothing. That deck of many things couldn't have gone better. What a fucking outrageous magic item. That is so fun. I understand why this magic item destroys parties.

- I don't wanna stop pulling cards. - I would never give it in a real campaign. - No, it's gotta be something like this. - It has to be something like this or if you do it in a real campaign, it has to be like a deck of many things dream. None of it really happens. - I'm doing, I've already debriefed. - But the rest of us need to debrief. - That's pretty funny. - It all used to be white.

Yeah, we need to talk about your underwear. Yeah, I mean, I just can't. Ever since I got gout, I can't walk to the laundromat. It's just too painful. I just go to the sink and, you know. Well, I got you your cherry juice.

- Well, you know, I-- - When your gout flares up real bad, something would feel-- - When I make my cherry juice potion, it's kind of more of just an ye olde fashion with a splash of cherry. - Thank you for joining us, Lauren, for this adventure. - Yes, thank you, Lauren! - This was super fun. - It was so great having you here. - Thank you, thank you, thank you. - Man, what a ridiculous nonsense session today was. Perfect, perfect way to end. - That was good energy. - I had really good energy.

to use one of these on to get out of my predicament, but we didn't need to. - What a ridiculous pull. - And you got to pull a bunch of, you know, 27 strings.

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