Edge of Midnight | Ep. 15 | Pigeonholed
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Welcome to Legends of Adventress. I'm old Jericho Sticks, and you're listening to Edge of Midnight. Here's what happened last time. Good luck, friends. Hugo miss you. Most of the pigeons seem to be swirling around the jail. We have been summoned by the High Inquisitor, and we have urgent news to deliver to her.

His eyes alight in a violet fire, and you immediately see his head snap to the side and shake a little bit. Kill them! Knew that was coming. You slice through, and he begins to sputter as blood spills down over the top of his plate of Zephyrine Mirabelle in the lowest recesses of the dungeon. In the very center is that strange headless effigy body with a goat skull where a head should

And as you look down, the head of Zephyrine Mirabelle looks up at you and sitting in a large plush chair on the very edge of the room, High Inquisitor Mayville. She kicks the boots off of her feet and you see where human feet should be, two beautifully pink pigeon-like feet. She looks towards you and smiles.

After all this time in this godly province, our would-be witch hunters, although they haven't done much killing, have learned the hard way that the pigeons have come home to roost. In the city above, the vermin of the sky keep their eyes on the vermin of the streets below. Oh, pardon me. I meant to say people of the streets below. As they wander, roam, steal, and kill, and commit all other manner of sins in their mass hysteria,

And yet, deep below, our protagonists are about to fight and maybe die for them. Are these folk really worth dying for? Good question. As you look around you, you see this subterranean ritual-style room.

the very center you see a similar effigy, near identical effigy to the one you saw in the crooked house that housed the decapitated remains of Petunia Lockwood. And here in this room, though it is headless, you have seen this body many times before, serving you hot meals and making sure that you had a pleasant day. The body of Zephyrine Mirabelle. As you hear the

rattle of bone on stone as the woman that you know to be the high inquisitor of this land, Theodora Mayville, kicks the decapitated head of Zephyrine directly towards you, Marius. You feel it bump up against your leg and as you look towards her, you see as she spits the last bit of regurgitated food into the mouth of her strange familiar.

She smiles at you, a soft, seductive smile as she unlaces the last tendril of her boots, kicks them from her feet, and where feet should be, you see pigeon feet in its stead. She smiles at all of you. I'm so glad you were able to come. I've missed you, Marius. I'm glad you didn't keep me waiting long. I'm going to kneel down.

And if the eyes on Zephyrine's head are still open, I'm going to gently close them and say a soft prayer to Lathander. And just, you know, try to respectfully move it out of the way and like, you know, say, Lathander, I'm so sorry. Zephyrine, we were too slow.

And I will step forward and open up my bag to literally, like, as if accepting the head to hopefully be able to give it a good burial sometime down the road if we live through this experience. Please, we may be able to honor her later. Kind of like keeping one eye on the High Inquisitor, I will gently pick up her head and say, I swear to you, Saffarine,

We will get vengeance. Be good, Beg.

You, I would say anyone who's not watching this but is watching the High Inquisitor, you see that she slowly begins to rise but doesn't seem to stop what you're doing. And I need a perception check. I would say I don't think Briggsie gives a shit about this head. So, Briggsie, I need you to roll a perception check for me. I'm looking for gold teeth, to be fair. Well, I just did a thing and the bag doesn't eat the head. I told the bag to be good. Uh...

- Five. - Oof. - Okay, perfect. Yeah, you know, you see that she stands, that she begins to stand up, but she doesn't seem to, she doesn't seem bothered by what you're doing with the head. - The High Inquisitor's name was Mayville? - Mm-hmm, Theodore Mayville. - All right, Mayville, what is your real name then?

She looks at you, Marius, and you see her lips curl up on her beautiful face. A light blush come to her cheeks and her eyes flash purple for just a second. Why don't you come over here and I'll tell you in private, my dear sweet boy? I suggest you tell all of us out loud because it'll be the last time anyone ever utters your name ever again. Oh, do you plan to fight me? Good.

Death would be a welcome gift for the six of you. There's obviously Farron's here. You see, you've done me a great service by killing my sisters. They did not have what it takes to do what Mother Midnight needs. But I do, and her plan is far larger than you think, and...

Oh, death would be so good for you, it would hurt too much. You see, should you see it come to fruition, and it will, the cogs are already in motion. Well, if her plan's so great, what is it? Her plan? What's her plan? Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. Two natural 20s.

I'm so glad you asked. Her plan is... Well, allow me to monologue. Oh, look at you. Decaying already. Looks like someone's died once before. I mean, what's it to you? Are you saying maybe she could help me with a plan? Oh, you'd like to query Mother Midnight to help you with your affliction?

I mean, I might. I mean, do you have like a pamphlet? Could you give me some information about how I'd go about doing that? Are you troubled by what's become of your mortal form? What? Are you troubled by what has become of your mortal form? Um, I mean, it's not the best, frankly. Mother Midnight could cure you of all sickness and ills.

Accept her and she could break the tether that binds you to another. Oh, well, if you just jot down her address and, you know, let me know where she is, I'll go pay her a visit. That sounds like a lovely idea. Why don't you come join me, Briggsie? I need you to roll a... That's what I was going for. We have 1,400 twists of fate. I need you to roll Charisma Saving Throw for me, please. At least that's where I'm a viking.

Over 20. Let's go. The DC is 33. It is absurdly powerful. You feel this strange want overcome you for a second as you see her eyes flash purple. And for a moment, nothing sounds better than going to Theodore Mayville. You think for just a split second what your life could be like if you didn't have that chunk anymore.

And if you weren't tethered to Mr. Crossroads, but you shake it off, that's unlikely. And your salvation isn't with whatever this entity is that this abomination is worshiping. And you shrug off whatever spell or magic she was attempting to use to overcome your mind. Enough of your tricks. All right, I'm going to fucking kill her. I think that's...

That's what we all came here to do. It is time to serve justice. I would like to see you try. And you all roll for initiative. You don't. Yeah, initiative. Oh Christ, well, I'm going last. No, you're going-- You might even go more last! 20 to 25.

Perfect. 15, 20. Oh, God. Come on, somebody? Okay. One shot. 10, 15. I got an 11. Gollum Gray Gullet? Oh, God. Oh, God.

I got an 11. So yeah, what did everybody get? Because apparently-- I got five, seven. 11. OK, so it's Lethika first. Wait, you got 11? I got 11, yes. OK, so it's Jericho first. Oh, let's roll for Farron here. Oh, that's not important. Oh, gosh. Lethika. Farron just falls unconscious for no reason. Then Yorgrym. Yorgrym, and then Marius Briggsie.

And then in there... This'll be fine. You guys got five? Yeah. Shit. Oh, two? Huh? Huh? What? Huh? What? Huh? Oh, shit. Oh, my goodness. Oh, I guess they can't see the names. Yeah, she just put out an additional card. We'll find out when that happens during combat. Stay tuned.

Okay, let me just remember how to play my paladin. That's it, yeah. 1d8, 2d6. I believe that it's Lay on Smite. Yeah. Lay on Smite. Lathander, guide my hand and give me some big old natty 20s, because there's going to be some divine smiting in my future. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. The effigy that you mentioned. Yeah.

Was that connected to Zephyrine or those two separate things? So if you remember in the Crooked House, when you went up into the room with the first hag, there was Petunia Lockwood's...

decapitated body and she had her hands in a certain position she was holding a dish she where her head should have been there was a goat skull that is the exact same thing that is happening here on top of this runic circle but it's with Zephyrine's body but she has not yet been there is a goat skull where her head should be and her head was or is now in your back yeah

Be good, Bec. This is really gross, and I'm sorry for asking. Can we, like, see your teeth through the cheek holes? Yeah. Okay. That's what I was picturing in my head. Like one of the tagons from a tag. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, because, and I didn't describe it this time, but what she was feeding to Peeping Albert, which is her... Peeping Albert? Which is her familiar, were the flesh pieces from Zephyrine's cheeks. She was chewing them up and spitting them into his. So, Gull of Grey Gullet is clearly the hack. You can refer to it.

So, Mayville. Yes, yes. Familiar. Do we know? Gross. Gull of Grey Gullet. Did one of the witches say that name? No, we haven't learned her name. You have not heard her name. She will say it very shortly, I'm sure. And she will also reference Peeping Albert, which is why I put it on there. If you want to put these at the very head, one is...

Theodore Mayville, go love Grey Gullet. Yeah, she's a looker. That's for sure. She still looks, yeah, just basically right there in that corner. She looks just like that. The only thing that's strange about her, aside from the fact that her eyes are flashing purple occasionally when she's using magic, is that her feet are very clearly pigeon. She's even hotter than in my dreams. I mean... Lethika's hotter. Thank goodness.

So we just need a little bit more time while Rich helps me. We're taking a coffee break. Yeah, yeah. We can get started. I can't get started without the music. Yeah, if you're combat music's very important. As a DM, I understand. Maybe we can make our own combat music. Go to the Coven playlist. Did you put it in there? Add a new song. Is it Threat? Yeah, the Callisto one's not working, right? This one's using Strahd. Yeah.

That was really good. I was actually really impressed by that. I'm ready to fight. You guys did a really good job. I'm ready to fucking do that again. I think a guy got arrested by my house called Beeping Albert. Yeah.

I believe that 100%. - I definitely have Jericho's restraining order on me. - All right, so with that, she steps forward and taunts you as you decide that the only course of action is to end this hag's life. You all raise up your arms as she looks towards all of you and two things happen.

Her eyes dart about the room. And you all notice that in seven different areas of this room, there are these

As you follow the line of her eyes, these strange chunks of amber looking vaguely similar to the amber sarcophagi that you saw beneath the crooked house. And as she looks between all of them, it's almost as if she's hearing a voice somewhere inside of her mind. As she says out,

Yes, I think I will. Her eyes fall to one of them in the corner, and then her eyes dart to Farron.

And you watch as she begins to mutter an incantation. A tendril of amber light shoots between Farren and this shard of amber. And you see Farren let out a moan of almost pleasure for just a second as her eyes roll back in her mind, or roll back in her head. And she is completely still and completely silent, her eyes milky white. And you see that she begins to shimmer with that strange amber color.

almost as if she herself is in tuned in amber with a laugh Golub Greigolet looks to all of you and lets out a loud seductive moan. I need you all to roll a wisdom saving throw, please. - Oh, jeez. - Oh, gosh. - She's gonna use lair action, seductive moan. - I got a 19, let's fucking go. - Wisdom, you say? That'll be a 16. - 17.

Just for my clarification, is this like the liver around the rooms? No, so it's like amber sarcophagus. We want to start off strong and just take a twisty. Hold on. So I'm trying to explain so that Mace understands. So when you were beneath the crooked house and you met Kellen of the Crooked Teeth, she was entombed in amber. So these are small versions of that, and there are seven of them.

and they are spaced equidistant around the room. And she looked between all of them, picked one, and linked Farron to it. And I would say at this point, you do see that Farron has moved towards and is now standing directly next to this Amber Shard. Her eyes are completely milky white, and she is...

It's as if she is in some sort of trance, stasis, et cetera. - Probably nothing. - Probably nothing. Probably just a way for the DM to deal with a missing player at the table. - No, but I also see what you're projecting as far as her reaction to the Amber. That's very exciting.

You would imagine each player would have a different reaction should they be tethered to one of these. Oh no, Miss Faron! 14. We don't all notice that. You got a 14? No. You wouldn't. If someone in your group says what? I won! If you're a lot of people,

If you're lucky, you'll find out. Zog zog. Oh, and I guess what I should say is the moan that escaped her lips did not sound like it was Farron's voice. It sounded almost demonic in nature. It probably wasn't.

So was it like? Potato. I gotta take a drink from my diet. Yeah, so what did everyone get again? 19. 14. 16. 17. Marius, I want you to re-roll Twist of Dread. Get over here.

7. Yes! Goblin good. Oh, well played, Nicky. Well played. Get in there and lather him up. Lather him up with a little bit of ranch. You come in your pants and you get frozen in there. The beam doesn't even touch you. The beam doesn't even touch you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I put him in my bag and we continued to play.

What actually happens? The sound that emanates from this entity at first sounds incredibly seductive and sexual. And for a second, all of you are overcome by a feeling of lust.

And then all of you but Marius were able to shake it. And as you listen to this sound echo off of the walls, the seductive quality to the voice has been completely overtaken by the sound of a horrible hag breathing heavily and cackling. You hear her true voice for but a moment.

as she turns to Marius and says, "'Oh, old darling, come to mommy.'"

You are charmed for the next minute. Holy shit. Okay. That's, uh, what, like a hundred rounds? Yep. Ten rounds? There are times where you can attempt to... Okay. You're charmed. Thanks. Yeah, I can attempt. M equals charmed. That was her lair action. Oh, it's her turn. Oh, God. Got us. It was only extra because of the fair and stuff. Good luck to you. Um...

She is going to move directly towards you. She has a speed of 60 feet. Derek, can you help me? She can get there. Yeah, she's going to be a battle cannon. She's not going to go like immediately towards you. I'm going to say she's going to go off of the landing. Yeah, basically the first step off of the landing. So like right here? Yeah, basically right there.

- We should move Farron to the corner or something. - No, she's frozen in place right now. - She moved away. - She walked to an amber crystal, I think. - She's off of map. - Around her, she has, yeah, thank you. - I'm taking a decision. - Thank you. Around her, she has this strange pulsing purple energy, almost like an aura of sorts. And you can feel it vibrating through your being as she moves towards you. She is going to turn and look towards you, Briggsie,

I hear you like missiles and she's gonna cast magic missiles at you. - Oh, not again. - Oh, this is another sexual reference. - Oh man, this is not helpful. - Torpedoes you say? - Yeah, torpedoes. - I won't do anything about it.

- You just roll the damage. - Yeah, and I only roll once or I roll three times. Magic Missiles confuses me. I think I only roll once. - I think it's all. - I think it's, you have to roll. - I don't think they missed, did they? - No, they don't miss. No, no, she's rolling the damage. - Oh, duh, what am I doing? Yes. - She's rolling the damage. - See, this is why I don't use this spell, but I had to 'cause it was thematic. - We had a very long debate over this last time we came up.

You can do it however you want, Nikki. 12 points of force damage. Oh, that's pretty good. As she strikes you. It's like a fembot in Austin Powers and she's just... She fires him from her nipple. She uses machine gun jumblies and she fires magic missiles. She is then going to...

Actually, no, she's gonna get straight up on you, because I don't want to use any more spells. She's gonna use the rest of her movement to get directly into your face. Who?

- Who is directly in front of her? - Marius. - She's not gonna do this to Marius 'cause she wants him to do this to her. - We're pretty close. - Yeah, I think you could actually reach out. - I think she would go for Jorggrim. So we're gonna go towards Jorggrim if she can make it to him. - Most hands. - And she is going to utilize, she's going to utilize her,

- Hey, let's keep it in game, okay? - The feminine wiles of her chicken feet and she's gonna use stomp twice on your grip. - Oh, I'm jealous. - I wish that were me. - Imagine the smell. - The highest one is a 17. I got a 17 and a 16. - 17 hits, 17 hits. - She's disadvantaged. - Okay, well then I'll take that roll for the 17.

Is she disadvantaged on both of them? Yeah. Why? Did she hit for the first one? Well, I rolled two die and the, oh no, then it wouldn't have. The first one didn't hit. She's hit. She's stomped and missed. She's stomped and missed, but she's got a second one. So then this one would be a 17 because it's 10 plus seven. But it's still disadvantaged. So why is she disadvantaged? Because of his missed. Oh!

- Oh shit, why did I give you that? - I see what you did there. - I don't even dodge. - You don't even dodge. I'm sorry, this will get faster after other rounds. There's just a lot going on right now. I rolled a one, great. Five bludgeoning damage, but I do need you to make a strength saving throw for me, please.

Can I see it? Or does that even matter? I mean, you can see it coming. She's literally stomping you. 21. Yeah, she attempts to dom-stomp you into the dirt, but you do not fall prone. I choose to fall. Her heels just bounce off whatever she's stepping on. And that is her turn. Does she have two big pigeon toes? She has pigeon feet, yeah. Two toes, right? I thought it was three. Is it two? Oh!

- It's two in the front and then it's one in the back. - Okay, very dinosaur-y. - Didactyls? Anyway, didactyls. - Get those croc-as outta here. - Do I notice that Marius is charming? - I would say it's very obvious. Marius is essentially slavering as he stares at-- - I don't think I've chased that PA yet. You were gonna, I was gonna do some really awesome RP to let everybody know that I'm charming. - Yeah, but you would definitely, would you like to do that RP real quickly?

Oh, man. Okay. So then as soon as she does that, well, I was going to wait for my turn. But you don't have to. People are going to go before you. I know. It would be fine. They're not trying to break you out. There could be rewards for that. As soon as she charms me, I will have...

Almost like I was very tense with wrath and rage. I will almost have calmed down a little bit, taken a deep breath and say to her, as you wish, my High Inquisitor, I will do your bidding.

Pull yourself together. Garth, you don't have to be such a simp, Marius. That's all you want me to do? You're a piece of cum, you're sick and gay. Twang, I guess it's called magic on me. On Marius. Oh, very nice. BANG!

How does it work? So it dispels a magical effect or a spell. If it is equivalent of a spell level, you can set a DC if I need to roll for it, if it's above third level. Oh, no, it's not, so... Okay, so I would dispel magic. And then I would say...

I look at her and said, well, you got some real nice, some pretty pigeon feet there, Miss Lady. Too bad about the crow's feet on your ugly old face. LAUGHTER

"Gosh, gosh, who am I kidding? "You're gorgeous, but you really are rotten on the inside. "Pretty good joke, right? "Pretty good." Oh, that was pretty good. So does the Dispel magic work? Yes, it works. Okay, oh! Damn, I was really looking forward to chopping Lothica's head off. Don't worry, there'll be more opportunity. Yeah, not today, not today.

- That's what I did. - Oh, wow, that's your entire turn. She... - As I stand right next to her and don't move. - Oh, you're right next to her? - Yeah. - I can't see 'cause of just stuff.

Can we make it the big map? Yeah, yeah. Let's just, for the entirety of this combat, for my ability to see, let's just keep it the big map. Okay. She turns to you and lets out a hiss. She sees the charm that she had just put on Marius' fade, and she is going to use a legendary action to make a stomp attack on you. Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah, that hits. She is going to...

She reels back and she lifts her chicken foot, she lifts her pigeon foot up into the air and slams it down on your chest, doing-- - Chicken foot, now you have my attention. - 10 points of bludgeoning damage, and I need you to make a strength saving throw, please. - Oh wow, that actually is a terrible 15. - 15 meets it, and so you are not knocked prone. - So 10 points? - Yes.

Gosh, I was kidding about the crows. They give really nice skin. That's it. And that is Lethika's turn. What will Lethika do? No one has done any damage to her. But I guess no one's had a chance. I will...

I will pull out my chakram and I will give it a spin on my hand before grabbing it and as it spins you'll see a second illusory dark version of the seal circular blade emerge casting spiritual weapon. I will make a using my bonus action to cast spiritual weapon. I will check up

the spell slot, and then I will make a melee spell attack against a creature within five feet of the weapon. And I need the weapon, which is right here.

And that means that it's going to be an attacky-tack, which looks like this guy. That's going to be a 23 to hit. Big money. That hits. Okay. Let me just remember. Yeah, it's a little left. It's a cleric. Wow. Really surprising. That's going to be 16.

Minimum damage. That's going to be six points of spiritual weapon damage. Does it matter? The variety? No. Okay, so six points of damage. And then with my action, having done damage, I will stop the spinning of my blade and then slap the side of it, creating this eerie tone, this toll of sorts. And I will cast Toll the Dead on her. She needs to make a...

Wisdom saving throw. This is magic, so she's advantage. DC is 16. She rolled a natural 18. Yeah, okay. And I'll say to her, you are not as strong as you think. You will go down and justice will be served this night. You are not as strong as you think.

Mother Midnight can do so many things, and her plan has just started to unfold. But you are not Mother Midnight. No, but with what I've accomplished, I will be her thirteenth daughter. Though I can never be a witch, my path has already been chosen. The first steps have already been taken. The end is near, Letheka. You've glimpsed death. You shall glimpse it again.

She's just gonna stare you square in the eyes with her foot on Jericho's chest. I'm continuing to start to make myself away and I want to look around. Is this down like five feet or so? This pit? Yeah.

- And okay, there are no like obvious-- - I mean that's just a room then, but sure, that sounds cool. - There are no like obvious like hidey spots or something that I could get under or behind? - No. - Okay. - I mean if you can think of something cool, I would say-- - I have ideas, I have ideas, but that's the end of my turn. - If you pitch something to me like, "Oh, I would like to do this, "could I find something to do this?" We'll rule a cool bet. - It's no longer my grim, it's your grim. - Oh, that's cute. Except that-- - No, no, we can skip that, we can skip that, it's fine.

I don't think she has legendary action. Not a joke, no. Gosh, I hope she says the familiar's name on its turn. She absolutely has legendary action. She is going to use a legendary action, and she is going to turn towards Briggsie again, because Briggsie's not close, yeah? Nope, nope. And she is going to cast magic missiles at Briggsie again. Chipping them down.

11 points of damage. I mean, that's not insignificant. Stop getting hurt so bad. What are you thinking? Just dodge for it. I would say to her as I stand up tall and the mist begin to swirl around me, my eyes turn like a milky grayish white

You're right about one thing your path has been chosen Let's go and I raise up my shovel and just try and fucking cool shovel bitch. It's your Access miss reckless There's no there's another one there's a lot of metagaming pigeons here

17 17 hits her AC is 16 okay thank you but I want you that will do I'll be 14 points of damage I'll swing it once more onto the for 19

I love those decks so much. Yeah, they look really great. And an additional 16. Sorry, what was the total? 16 and then... 30. All right. Get it, brother. What am I doing? Okay, cool. I can do math. Simple math is fine. It's called subtraction. Okay.

Kill him! I'm quoting Critical Role, so... So that was your turn. Yeah, oh yeah! You swing into her and...

cleave into her flesh with your shovel and you see as blood begins to stain bits of the clothing that she wears. But she doesn't seem to recoil or be phased by the damage that you're doing to her at all. She turns and her eyes meet yours and she looks at you and she says, You do well to find new friend, your groom.

You're strong. Large. You could be an asset to someone like me. You see, you're aligning yourselves with people who do you no good. The Archbishop. He's been a lovely pawn. But a pawn nonetheless. You think you have friends here. Who's going to save you when the worst comes? I could. And so could Mother Midnight.

Don't be foolish. You know what happens to those you love when you can't handle the task at hand yourself.

And it is Peeping Albert's turn. Taking eight points of psychic damage. Peeping Albert, you're going to hear a loud squawking pigeon noise as Peeping Albert alofts into the air, or alights into the air, I like that word better. Alights into the air, and he is going to shoot directly towards Lethika. Peeping Albert is going to... What is she going to say when this happens? Oh, she's going to say,

- Peeping Albert? - Peeping Albert, to me! - That was Peeping Albert, thank you! - Great, great. - And you know what, I hear you. You knocked it, you got some home run. - Thank you. - And Peeping Albert-- - Okay, okay, Peeping Albert. - And Peeping Albert is going to fly directly towards you, Lethika, and its wings are going to wrap around your head as the two hands where it's

Talons, where its feet should be, reach up and try and hold open your mouth as it begins to attempt to regurgitate that horrible gray stuff into your mouth. Pigeon bro! I need you... Yes, pigeon bro. I need you to make a con saving throw for me, please. Can I get advantage on it because I'm wearing a mask? No. No.

- You know, you always have to-- - It drops in the slits. - That's a good question, but in this case, no. - Maybe if you hadn't have fucked up so much. - Just trying to maintain game state. - Okay, so Peeping Albert will use its object interaction to rip your mask off of your face and throw it across the-- And so you'll be at disadvantage for this because you're trying so hard to keep your mask on. - This is really gross, and I'm wondering if I could twist it.

I think you absolutely fucking should.

- You don't want any of this to happen to you. Let me tell you that much. I will enjoy a 21. - That will succeed. You are able to, with the help of your mask, you jerk your face and Peeping Albert spits out this glob of pigeon brew and if you hadn't moved your face away, it would have landed directly in your mouth.

but it didn't, it hit the side of your mask instead. And you hear a sizzle and a pop almost as it singes a bit at the side of your mask and peeping Albert then flies up into the air above you. - So gross. - Well, gosh, I'm disappointed. I thought his name would be Fragrant Terrence. - Fragrant Terrence. - Oh, there's a pigeon foot on me.

This isn't at all how I imagined it in my daydream. How is it different?

Marius, it's your turn. I'll shake myself out after I've been dispelled and damn you to the nine hells! Stay out of my head! And my sword will alight with flame and fury and rose red fire and thorns and I will strike at her twice.

- You're at disadvantage 'cause you love her. - It doesn't matter 'cause I miss both anyway! - Twist 'em. - Oh, no, no, no, no. - Damn it. - We could save 'em. - We could save 'em. - We got to save our tags. - I miss both. - No, because we miss all of our tags and then it's probably gonna take 80 years. - What I will say is you don't wanna miss that often.

One twist, one twist. I just don't want to blow them all. I want more failing saving throws. I want you to fail saving throws. Yes! And dissolve their insides? Just the one, just the one. Thank you, chat. 20! Fuck, I still miss. What did you get? Like a 12. No good, no good. Yeah, that misses. That's unfortunate. I needed to use my bonus action for something else this time. Maybe just use it for me.

- No, no, no, no, no, we're good, we're good. - Lock. - Perfect. She is going to use her last legendary action. - Oh gosh. - And she is going to

She is going to fly and you'll see as wings sprout from her back, these large pigeon wings, as she alights into the air and she is going to fly backwards while she stares at all of you. She's going to fly backwards 60 feet back where she had originally started. Does she have flyby? She does. When she does it as a legendary action, yes. Otherwise, no. So she moves without that legendary action. She doesn't. Yeah, no, she can easily get it.

And so that's her last legendary action. No, she has fly by when she uses this legendary action, which means that you can't take opportunity attacks when she moves. It means that she's an owl. She accesses the speed force. I'll be darned. With that, it's Briggsie's turn. Oh, fuck. Voodoo! So I'm still missing. Thank you!

My left hand will be throwing up the evil eye and I'm going to hexblades curse her. Okay. I see this sort of neon skull and crossbones sigil appear on her as I let loose. And what does that mean for her? Just as you do more damage? It means I crit on 19s and 20s. Perfect. I just need to know if there's anything I need to do. And yeah.

I mean, I heal five hit points when she dies. Probably for the best, when she dies. Oh, one's a natural 20, so. Hey! It's just an Eldritch Blast, though, so. Double damage is double damage. That's fair, that's fair. She'd be pretty good, though.

That is the most like, yeah, I just did this thing so I would get more natural 20s. Gets a natural 20. It's an actual natural 20. I don't have the thing where I add my thing, do I? No. Dummy. I'm waiting to roll a natural 30. Yeah.

Ooh. Nine damage. Yikes. I might want to give her what's held. That was with a crash. Warm it up, everybody. Warm it up. I don't add modifiers. I don't have that. And they're 12s or 10s, so they're a big wide range of numbers. Yikes. Wow. You suck. Wait, what did you do? I cast Elrish Blast. Oh. He just didn't hold it. Pew. Pew.

Uh, with that as her lair action, you watch as she reaches down to the platter that she had been... Oh, I want to just move closer to it, sorry. Okay. Where do you want to move to? Uh, just like at the middle, like right next to the horrible corpse goat thing. You watch as she reaches down to the platter that housed the carved pieces of Zephyrine's cheeks, and she picks up a large handful of that human flesh, and she places it in her mouth and begins to chew. And then she lets out a, um...

and she lets out almost like a yell as she regurgitates this human flesh on all of you in her lair action. And you feel this strange tingling in your stomach.

I need you all to roll a constitution saving throw, please. Could you consider this poison? And for, it looks, it's pigeon brew. I just want to do the cheek stuff for cool flavor. But she's regurgitating pigeon brew all over you. But no, it's not a poison. Thank you, I twitch. It's more akin to a curse.

I got 17. Okay. I'm only rolling well on my saves. Can I twist one? Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna let it ride. 10. 5. Cash it out. 10. It was worse than I thought. I think I did alright. Con, you say? 14. That might pass. Thanks, Jack. Agent Gimli! Agent Gimli!

- Thank you very much, Asian Gimli. - Okay, so we have five, 10, 14, 17. - 13. - 13. Everyone except for Marius, you begin to feel the strange fluttering in your stomach. You open your mouth, you feel like you almost have to burp. And as you open your mouth,

No sound comes out but feathers, pigeon feathers. All four of you now have pigeons growing inside of your stomachs. And if your body can withstand this strange transformation, you'll survive.

If not, I guess we'll find out. Tune in next time, folks. - These worlds, they're all gonna become detonated deadly! - Next time on Age of Midnight Feast. - I'll cough up feathers. Oh, that's just normal. Oh, they're gray! - Oh no! These are weird crew feathers! - It is her turn. She is going to turn towards Lethika.

And is there anyone standing next to Lethika? - No, not directly. - She's going to turn towards Lethika and in that area she's going to cast sleep. - Oh shit. - Okay, fine. - Can you not be sleeped? - I cannot be sleeped. - What's the range on it? - For sleep, 90 feet. - No, no, no, what's the radius?

- She can put it to a certain spot and so I would say she would target it in a way that it would only hit Letheka. That's all she's trying to focus all of the sleep powers on Letheka. - I have advantage against being charmed and magic cannot put me back to sleep because of my dark health. - Well, she will cast it. I'm not gonna bother to roll it and you will not be put to sleep and that saves me a bunch of rolling at a time. So I'm fine with that. - Ooh, nice tingly.

She is then going to move her 60 feet back towards...

towards Jorgrim, 'cause the sleep didn't work. So she's gonna move her 60 feet towards Jorgrim, and she's gonna stomp Jorgrim twice. Is she still flying, or is she moving? Actually, it's just regular movement, but she's still at 60 feet, so. She's got damn fast pigeon legs. I think she can get right there. Talon trots. So the first one is going to be an 18 to hit. Ooh, that'll hit. Can you make the strength saving throw for me, please? And you're gonna take seven points of damage. Yeah, you're good.

- Gotta be. 26. - Jesus. - And then what was the damage, six? - Huh? - Did you say six damage? - 10. - 10? - 10. - How much damage? - Three plus four, seven damage. - Oh, my bad. - Jesus, dude. - That's my bad, I thought she said seven. - She is going to replace her second stomp with Kiss of Death. - That doesn't sound good. - And that's gonna be a 19.

That hits? Yeah. Oh, okay. It's Kiss of Death, actually. You won't be able to hear it. And you're gonna take 14 points of necrotic damage. Your hit points are reduced by 14. Your max HP is reduced by 14 as well. That's not good. How do I do this? You will take 14 damage.

then what you should be able to do is, yup, and then max HP modifier, just do minus 14. - She slams her pigeon foot into your chest. - You can only be healed that much.

She slams her pigeon foot into your chest, attempting to knock you over. And you are immovable. You're not able to be swayed. Your large form stands towering over her. You see the smile alight across her face as she leans over and she blows you a kiss. And as you feel the magics of the kiss, her breath is...

a strange pungency to it, makes you recoil as the necrotic energy saps the life from your body. You see that your skin shrivels up for just a second, as if the vitality is being stolen from you. Does she look like she gets bitter from it?

It's hard to tell, roll a perception check. Okay. Oh boy. And that's the one mask that-- Yeah, it's really hard to tell. You've got pigeon shit on your mask. It's because when she blew the kiss, it Jessica Rabbit-style flew through the air and then like animatedly hit you in the cheek. Exactly. It's peeping Albert is circling ahead of you. He's just shitting on your mask. Do not throw up in my mouth. And that is her, that was her turn. Jericho.

I will look at... at... at Brixie, and I'll say, "And you will cut off both her pigeon wings!" And then I'm gonna give you healing word.

♪ There you are on the breath of more pigeons ♪ And then I'm going to, if you're Catholic, you'll know that song. - I was a Unitarian Universalist. - Nine Points of Healing, Debrigge. - That was a very pleasant song. - And then I will, that is a healing word at a second level. And then I am going to

Just, oh gosh, what can I do with my fucking-- - Action. - Action? - Can't you just banjo strike her in the face? - I'm actually gonna walk, do my spells that I cast from my banjo, can I use both of those?

- It's an item, so it doesn't have the same rules as. - Oh, I'll walk towards Briggsia and I'll go, and then I'll give you Cure Wounds. Okay, that's my turn. - Nice. - Wow. - Perfect. - Throw my banjo. - She is, where are you guys? Oh, she's there. She's going to use a legendary action as she flies up into the air and zoops back to her spot at the back.

- There you got it. - But she's not in the air, she's landing. - She's landing. - Okay. - Yes. - But she flew by me. - Yep. That is her turn, Lethika. - God damn it. - I'll bonus action call my illusory but very deadly and sharp blade 20 feet to get into range of Peeping Albert and I will attempt to damage him. - Okay.

Damn it. I am rolling like Garbo. That's going to be a 13 to hit. Misses. My action to... How high up is he flying, would you say? I don't know, like 5-10 feet above your head.

I have a range area cantrip with five feet. Do I think that I could do words of radiance on him? Have him make a constitution saving throw. DC is 16. Fails. Outstanding. I will do 2d6 worth of damages to him. That's going to be, I believe that's straight.

Nine points of dark radiant shadowy damage. Radiant mechanically, but I'm flavoring it. Gosh darn it. You watch as the radiance

pierces into the feathers and flesh of Peeping Albert. He sneers down at you, but you see that within that humanoid face, he is chewing, and he continues to stare down at you. He doesn't seem any bothered. I'll hold up my chakram, and I'll look through the circle. You and me, bird. Let's go. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It is Yulgrim's turn, but I can use a legendary... Yes. I am going... She's going to use a legendary action. And she is going to... Oh, but it's a touch. So no, she's not going to do that. Touche. Actually... She's got a touche.

Yeah, she's going to do lightning bolt and she's going to send it through Jericho and whoever else is in Briggs. I'll thank you for that, Heena! I should have stood slightly to your left or your right. You know, I should have presumed she was a night hag. A dexterity saving. With their famous genuine lightning bolt maneuver.

Oh, I crushed it at least. That would be a 25 for old Jericho. That's a big success. Hold on, trust for me. Yeah, no, you should succeed on this one. You'll still take half damage. Two twos. Yikes. Wow, so you fail. Well, hold on. Hold on. Let's see what I get. Crossroads. Give me a hand here. I can't do anything. Yikes.

That's it. At least I'm back to full health before I get one shot again. Yeah, this could fuck you up pretty bad. Yeah. Flamebolt's a pretty fight strong. It's just Firebolt in a straight line. It's pretty beefy. So depending on what spell level being cast. 26. Oh, gosh. And half for... Okay, thank God. Yeah. At least 86. Oh, gosh!

I'm like, ooh, two people and a lock. Yeah. I even was thinking like, gosh, I have protection from energy lightning and she is a night hag, presumably. Maybe I should use her. Too late. And that is her legendary action. Next. Yorgrum. Uh...

So am I, like, am I stunned? What happened? No, she just kicked you in the chest. So if you fail the strength, say you're knocked prone, and then her kiss of death is a little different. But you weren't knocked prone. So she just kicked you in the chest. So I can just do whatever I want? She just dom stomped you. No, you're, well, lots of weird things are happening. Weird, weird, a bunch of weird, gross pigeons. Um...

How far is 40 feet from where I kissed? Like, what are you trying to get? Towards her, if I can. Probably get, like, about over here somewhere. You can get here if you want. I can only be able to get here. Oh, oh, oh. Then you should do that. Yeah, beat the shit out of her. Don't send it.

He uses, uh, charge from World of Warcraft. Yes, that's true. I just find the path, so he, like, goes up the stairs. Path is found! I'm eating Scions all... It's an orc thing. Oh, tight! Aggressive. Love that. Yeah. Um...

I don't know, I'll think of something. I'll attack. I'll just pop off. I will attack recklessly. Let's go. Was it? Yeah. Oh. Hmm.

- No, I'm not gonna do that. - Literally the last time it happened, she was like, "We roll that." - I wanna save the Twist of Druids for all these saves. - Okay, that's fair. - Those are so much more fun than just negating damage and she is fine. - Yeah, it feels bad when it's got everyone's hands. - You don't need to negate damage when we can't hit anything. - Do I apply the mod only once? - Yes. - You just double the dice, so you roll.

- Aw, thank you for the twist. - Thank you. - The twist. - Thank you. - Thank you, Hiz. - Thank you. - Thank you. - It's a twist. - Yes, we lucky, yes, we lucky. - Big hit, big hit. - Would it hit 26 to hit? - That hits. - Unless she has pigeon shield. - Uh,

She's gonna use Pigeon Shield and negate all damage. Another 30 damage. Wait, so did I miss one? Did you tell me damage or anything? No, I didn't say the first one. I just rolled it. Okay, so it's 30 in total. 30 in total. Okay, cool. 30 in total. I just wanted to make sure that I, you know, accurately do this. That's amazing. For a level 5? Get it.

You rush towards her in this rage. She seems caught off guard as she sees you barreling towards her. Your shovel comes down on top of her and it slices through bits of her armor and her leathers and you see the skin not peel away but

you see is a large gash appears on her chest and you can see the fatty connective tissue beneath and she looks shocked and in pain, but still fine. She's going to reel back a bit and use her last legendary action to fly 60 feet towards Marius, getting out of range of you. You're not like behind, like towards the back of the room. - Oh, shit, do you even want it?

And that's her last legendary action for this round. Good. Uh, Mariah. No, Peeping Albert. Yeah. Peeping Albert is going to scan the room. Actually, it'll make it more fun. One, two, three, four, five. Stay away from me. Don't. Peeping Albert needs to stay the hell away from Mariah's.

- Yes! - Peeping Albert is going to fly directly towards you. His wings are going to outstretch and head hug you as his talons come up and he pries your mouth open and begins to spit pigeon brew into your mouth. I need you to make a constitution saving throw. - Oh, you're hungry or you got two dubs?

- That's disgusting, I hate you so much. - Quick question before Yorga meets Pigeon Pie. Does Peeping Albert have fly bites? - No he does not. - Can I take a attack? - Yeah, if you'd like to. - What did you say, Mace? - What are you on your roll? - So I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me, please. - You're a viking at that. - 15 to hit. - That misses. - 16?

- 16 passes. - 16 passes. You are able to shrug off this pigeon familiar and you do not consume the pigeon brew. However, I completely forgot about this so we're doing it now. Jericho, Lethika. - Yeah, I was gonna ask. - Yorgrim and then eventually Briggsy. I need the four of you, not Briggsy yet 'cause it's not your turn. I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me, please. - Oh no.

Why? Because you have visions growing in your body and I need to see how well your body is holding against them. 17 benevolent God. Okay. I'm going to write it down again. Well, I got a 10. Oh, no. Oh, please be virtual, please be virtual, please be. You fail. 16. So thank you.

So Jericho fails. - 16. - Yorghrim passes. Lethika passes. - My tiny stomach is made of iron. - And so that is what is important for that so far. Thank you. - Oh no.

- You, you-- - Of course, I don't feel so good. - You feel that fluttering in your stomach, it's still there, whatever is happening inside of you is ever present, but you are, all of you so far are holding strong against whatever is growing within.

You passed. You didn't hit. That was Peeping Albert. Marius. Having seen her, you know, come all the way back, trying to get away from your ground, I'm just going to double and make two more strikes and say, creature of the night, you will die! Ha! Ha!

You wanna borrow my dice? No, no, no, I don't! I just can't hit attacks! Like an adorable five-year-old flower girl, he just tosses roses. Did you miss both?

You attempt to bring your sword down on her, and as you do, you're distracted as you see the exposed flesh on her chest where Jorgren had sliced into her. You feel that lust creep up for a second, and it's just enough for her to dodge out of the way. Yeah, she got me. I don't want to do that, Marius. You know I'll treat you so well.

- She exposes her ankle. - Bonus action, compelled duel. You are going nowhere, stay here with me! Wisdom saving throw, 15. - I like it when you talk rough. - We're gonna try. - Wisdom saving throw what? - Yeah, 15, she's probably very wise. - She's fairly, well, no. She's got a plus two to wisdom. Does a 14,

All right. 15 or better. And now is an advantage. I got a three and a 12. So she is compelled to duel me. Okay. And for the duration, she has disadvantage on attack rolls against other creatures that are not me. I must make a wisdom saving throw for each time you attempt to move to a space that's more than 30 feet away from me. And if you succeed the saving throw, then it doesn't reduce the movement. Otherwise...

You just can't move 30 more than 30 feet away and then the spell ends if I attack anybody else if I cast a spell that targets anybody else or if a creature friendly to you damages the target or casts a harmful spell on it if you end your ass, so that's fine. Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah. Okay. Is the last part if we damage her? Yeah, but that's okay. You gotta do it. I just want to... I'm tired of her running all over the place. Let me slow her down for a little bit. Yeah, you're able to do that. You say this to her. She quips back. She seems like she's perfectly content standing over you. She... Her...

pigeon feet give her like the equivalent of like an eight inch stiletto heel. And so she's almost towering over you at this point. I'm smoking. My chunk falls out and it's like cooked. That guy grill marks me. Yeah, I didn't

I'm gonna like stumble over to her and walk this way. I'm headed with all these fucking hacks. I'm gonna hex her and I'm going to attack her twice. A one and a 20 something. - That does 20 something hits. - Yeah, girl gators bang so good.

And fried gator. Briggs, he's a crocodile, so I guess this is not totally to him. 20 points of damage.

All right, you do this and you see as she's blasted back just once, I guess, by one of your Eldritch Blasts. She lets out a little-- - It was a sword. - Oh, sorry, sword, whatever. By your magic that you do. But her focus is on Marius. She is clearly compelled into this battle with him and you are unimportant to her right now. It is her lair action.

She is going to lean her head back and open her mouth, and she lets out this strange guttural pigeon sound as all of a sudden you see feathers begin to explode into the air. And then six swarms of pigeons are going to fly out of her place, one on each of you and two on Marius. - Oh boy.

For good measure. Everyone can see the swarm. It auto-focuses off. Shit. Did you hit her? Oh, he hit her, yeah. Yeah, you're free to move. Awesome. That's her lair action, though. It's all utter lair action. And then she can move.

They are going to attempt to hit each of you. Oh shit. And that is going to be a 17 for Jorgren. Oh yeah. That is going to be a 14 for Marius.

- To hit? - Yeah, I need to, in general. - That is going to be a 19 for Brigsy. - Badly hit. - A 20 for Jericho. - Jesus. - No, that'll do it. - A 17 for Lethika. - God, these pigeons are fucking... - They only have a plus five. - And then, oh, there is a second one on Marius. And so a 16 for Marius. Okay, so both of them hit Marius. - Oh, finally. - Jeez.

So she can't hit me, but I can hit her. So this is like the immovable object. It's the unstoppable force. So let's see. Jorgren, this is for you. 18 points of damage. Piercing damage. Should have sent the pigeons first. Nine points, Briggsie.

- I might die here. - Pigeon damage? - Yep. These are swarms. - 18 points of pigeons. - These are swarms of pigeons. I rolled two sixes and a five. - They're whole swarms. - Yeah, they're whole swarms. Nine points for Jericho. - I'm gonna die. - And nine points for Lethika. - I don't wanna do that. - I know. Homing pigeons. - I love homing pigeons.

And that is their turn. Does anyone have AoE? They're minions. And they occupy their space, so they're technically all around you and in you. I'm thinking, eventually get spirit guardians.

I think Paladin's gonna eventually cast it. Oh, and then it is her turn. Yeah, at level, to wild, to half-cast her to wild, but yeah. She is going to, she is going to look towards your Grimm, and she is going to cast a spell on you. Ooh. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw for me, please. 17.

- Damn you. You see her eyes alight violet again, and she looks towards you and points her finger out at you. Stay put, dog. And you are not at all fazed by this. You see as she bares her teeth in anger, as she sees that you shrug this magic off, and she turns to Marius. Well, you want to play? - Yeah.

Okay. And she is going to use her stomp on you twice. Is that a trap?

Yeah. She's at disadvantage. No, on Marius? Yeah. Why? Because my spectral guardians are all up in her grill. Oh, the horrible misguards. All the misguards. Does 18 hit? It does. Okay. I have 18 on my list. You're resistant to all the damage you take from her. What about 12? That misses. Okay, so the first one. I need you to make a strength saving throw. Yep.

Eight points of bludgeoning damage. Four, and that's actually gonna be a 14.

- Oh, she misses the first one, the first kick, but you are almost dazzled by the smile that she flashes at you. And she spins around and kicks you with her other foot, not knocking you back, but pushing you slowly backwards and forcing you to the ground. And as she stands over you, she says,

When we're done with the Archbishop, I would really love it for you to be my new plaything. Not on your life! She shits all over your chest.

Well, we've entered Nikki's magical realm. Because she has pigeons. Is this what you meant? All right, that counts for Derek's studio night for you. She's done. That doesn't count. Yes, it does. That doesn't count. That counts for you. You can't pay to get this part. I'm calling an executive decision. Oh!

Derek just used up his only use for March. He's done. You made it 30 seconds into the story. You made it 12 hours into March. Anyway, that's her turn. That's it. Jericho. Do we know her real name now? I will say she said it.

- Okay. - You face Gullet, Grey Gullet in her magical realm. The dungeon of my haunted house. - And don't forget to tune in Friday where we'll be eating 240 pounds of chili.

Because I've seen Mary Smith so much, I'll look at him and as I'm being swarmed by pigeons, and I'll say, "Garge, this is real foul weather!" Got 'em! And I'll be pouring inspiration. Duh, D10 or still D8?

- Were you inspired? - Oh shit. - There it is. - That's outrageous. - There it is. - It's slithering. - Oh man. - And as, like I got really damaged by these pigeons. - Oh, Briggsie, roll your constitution saving throw, please. - Is it against poison? - No, it's not. - It's against pigeons in your stomach. That's pretty good. - I pass. - Okay. - 18. - Yeah, that passes, sorry. - After seeing

how brutally these pigeons are wrecking things and seeing Marius on the ground. I'm gonna look really nervous. And then my eyes are gonna roll back and my head's gonna flop open. And then you'll see my head snap back and there's those horrible eyes with the four-pointed star pupils. And it will call out, Go up and gregol it!

He will never love you like a daughter! You know this. Your doubt is your fear. Your doubt is your secret. I cast Terrify on everyone. Everyone? Uh, except for this guy.

Oh, on all the pigeons? All the pigeons and Goa. And all of you? No, no, I choose everyone as a save. Okay, okay, okay. As a burst of primordial, actual primordial primal fear washes out of me in a 30-foot radius. I'm using a twist of dread. As every single one of them needs to make a saving throw, he doesn't save any throw. It's fine, it was good enough.

So she's gonna succeed. I'm gonna roll once for them. I mean, they're not gonna. - Unless they all fail, then yeah. - I mean, I guess I could have them all do it. It just takes so long and I'm lazy. - No, no, no, make them all fail. Make them all fail. Do a 16. If they succeed, make them all roll. - It's a 16, yeah. You know what? They all fail.

I rolled a natural 12. They then start moving. That gives a reaction to move as far away from me as possible. Okay, so they will do that. You can move them all as far away as possible. That might save your lives if you don't have a way to kill them. Can we opportunity? Not when something's feared. Is that how it works? We're using their own movement. It's up to you how you want to roll it. Sure. Let's fucking go. I'm thrown so I can't.

You can. Oh, no, you're just disadvantaged. You're just disadvantaged. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can try to, let's see. All right. 100%. I'm going to blow, now I see here, now I get double 18s. I'm going to blow all my shitty fucking attacks. And then. It's just one attack. All right, well, I hit one, I guess. I rolled a five plus. They have an AC of 12.

Okay, well, I kill mine. You don't. Because it's a swarm, they have two hit points instead of. Oh! But their damage is reduced because they're no longer a full swarm. That's clever. I look pit-- swarm minions?

I like that. I do too. I got one hit on... So normally minions only have one hit point, but because these are swarms and swarms do less damage at half of their health, half minions, these have two hit points. So these are like a control ward with two points. Yes. It's like a control ward with two points. When you say two hit points, you mean they have to be hit? They have to be hit. They have to be hit. They can only take one damage at a time. Oh.

I will swing out with my sickle and slice through some. So tell me which ones. Number two is at half. Three is at half. One, two, three, four, five, six. So one is at half? Yeah, that's fine. One is at half and three is at half. Three, one, two, because you hit one, right? Yeah. So it's one, two, and three. Perfect. Yeah, because five was on Lothica, I think. All right, sounds good. That's important.

And so with that, I've turned off the true damage theme song that started to play during Ra'um. - That's fine. - Can we edit that? - That is his theme. - And that was Jericho, I need you to make your constitution saving throw for me, please. - This is number three. - I'm twisting it. - Yeah, we're gonna twist this. - Is there anything like a Medusa? - Yeah, let's-- - I would like you to twist it. I would like to twist it. Oh, you're twisting it. - Yeah. - Damn it. I don't want to twist the thread that shit.

- Can I use another twist? - Yeah. - One more. - What was it meant to be? - I was gonna say, it might be fate. - 11. - Okay. - Fate? - Okay, this is your second failure. - Is it? - So you, you, you, it happened. This is your second failure. - Got it, okay. - I will say what you feel is almost, it's tumultuous now, what's happening inside of you. It feels like,

birds are pecking you from the inside out. You feel the flapping of wings. You begin to feel full, like you're almost bursting. Your body, even though it's a mechanical form, is struggling against whatever is inside of you. I'll kind of like retch a little bit, then...

- Oh gosh, there's a lot of pigeon blood all over me. And I'm full of pigeons. - And then she is going to use a legendary action and she is going to look towards your Grimm again and once again, she is going to turn her eyes towards you. You're really, really causing me a lot of problems with that shovel. I beg, please do it for mother.

- Kneel. And she's going to cast Hold Person on you. - Oh, that's not good. - What does that do? - Well, I need you to roll Wisdom saving throw. - Good luck, wise. - You might find out. - Yeah, I know a couple of ancient sayings.

- Not today though. That'd be a nine. - Lovely. You are paralyzed for a minute. At the end of each of your turns, you can make another wisdom saving throw and on a success that you succeed, but you feel your limbs lock up and almost against your will, you feel your knees buckle and you do slam to the ground in a kneeling position. As you're staring up at her, your body becomes frozen and you all notice that

Yorgrem looks almost like he's turned to amber. Paralyze, if you get hit, it's an auto-crit. So you get to enjoy that. When they did an auto-crit, they didn't crit. Let the cut. I will Dark Mistress.

Guide my blade. And my spirit guardian will go and attempt to make an attack on Golub. That is gonna be a 15, that misses. And I will walk over here and I will grab Jericho's shoulder.

Stay with us. Do not let the demon out. Just hold on. Keep doing what you're doing. We have to defeat her. And I'll cast Cure Wounds. Oh, gosh, thank you. I'm full of pigeons. And also weird crows turn into an aviary inside of me. Yikes. And I'll roll his damage. And then I need you to roll a Constitution Saving Throw. Oh, well, let me do that.

- 12, 11 and-- - 11? - Yeah, 11. - That is a failure. - Yep. - And that's your turn? - That's the conclusion of my turn. - All right, she is going to use a legendary action and she is going to fly by to your room. - Meow. - Meow. - Meow. - Now doesn't she have to do, is she freed from your compel duel?

- Yeah, she's been for a while. - Okay. - And so it is your Grimm's turn. - I may have missed it. - Oh, you were paralyzed. - I can't do anything. - So you can't, so what you can do is pass your turn, do absolutely nothing, and then make another wisdom saving throw. - You do get a free come in your pants interaction. - Oh, that'd be handy. - Taking advantage of that, Moron. - You should twist this. Oh, you're fine. - 18. - Yeah, that succeeds. - God, now she's right in front of you.

She reaches down and she begins to caress your cheek as you,

Just the touch of her makes you so filled with rage that you steel yourself against the magics and you break and you all watch as the strange amber sheen that had overcome Jorgren begins to crack and tremble. And as you shrug it off in your rage, the pieces of magical, illusionary amber shatter around you and disappear into purple dust.

She looks shocked and concerned as she reels back a little bit. She realizes she made a big mistake. This is a long neighborhood. That's right. I slap her hand off my cheek. Wrong fucking alley. And it is, that was your turn.

And, yeah, that's two. And Peeping Albert. So I'm going to just roll a 10 because that's the easiest way for me to do it. Oh, sorry, Jorgrim. It's you again. Oh, well, bring it on. And so Peeping Albert, I'm going to need you to make a constitution saving throw. As Peeping Albert flies back down, wrenches your mouth open, and begins to say,

spit the... Remember, this is a pigeon body with a human face. It's the sexiest possible. Before he tries to spit in my mouth, I try and spit in his mouth. With a 23-pound spit. You do spit in his mouth, and he swallows it. He licks his lips. Don't enjoy it so much. And

And he seems to really, really like it. Oh, God. Nobody's spitting their mouths. He moans in pleasure. And it is his enjoyment of your spit that distracts him so much that he isn't able to land his spit back. I have a new secret weapon, I think, but I don't have the stomach to use it ever again.

Speaking of stomach. Oh, yeah. And then I need you to make a constitution saving throw. We need a fucking... Q track. Oh my god. You guys are so fucked. I'm keeping track. 14. That misses. Or that fails. Oh no. So you have one succeed, one failure. Latika has one succeed and a failure. And Jericho has two failures. Um...

It is Marius's turn. She is going to use her flyby to get away from Jörgrim. That'll be the last for this round. And she's gonna go to the opposite corner of the room by where those pigeons are. Yeah. No, other, closer to you. Yep. And she's starting to look, she's looking wounded. - Oh, okay. - So she's, it's very clear she's trying to stay out of harm's way. - Is she bloodied? - Yes.

And with that it is Mariah's turn. I'll stand up, use half my fucking movement. Shit. I don't fucking know. Can you do some pigeon control? No. I have no AOE. I'll attack one to see if I can hit him.

Their AC is 12. Yeah, hit him, he's dead. He's dead. And then I'll attack number two, who doesn't have any hits yet. No, he does. One, two, and three all have hits. And that's my whole turn. All right, perfect. Oops, sorry, hit the battle cam. And Breezy. Unless she has actions of legend. No, she used the last of them to get away from your room. Okay.

At the end of their turn, they can save on fear. Oh. So the question is, do I get close to her with six hit? No.

Whether you're close or far doesn't really matter in this room. That's fair. Enjoy some shawarma. Don't be lined up with anybody. Yeah, and also don't be a fucking conduit. I will turn, pull out my gun, and I will shoot number three, the pigeon swarm number three. Attempt to shoot. They're afraid, right? You can always miss. Yes, there's a sword advantage. There we go.

Well, I rolled a disadvantage. I mean, I rolled normal. So three's dead and I'll smoke that flock of pigeons. Which one? Three? Yeah, that one's gone. And then I'm gonna like back into this corner here. I'm behind Marius. But I'm behind Marius!

I'm still gonna kill you just from over here! With my other Eldritch Bolt, which is a... I think it's a 19. Don't forget, you guys do have greater healing potions that you got in the Crooked House. I've never been healthier in my life, so... So, I will remind you of that. I'm good. I don't have that in my inventory. When did we get that?

You got a little chest of them. You should each have one or two. I can't remember if I gave you two or one. I have ten pounds of pussy gold rock.

I have a light hammer. You puttin' that in your inventory? Yeah, I don't remember the potions. I don't remember the potions. Well, maybe I didn't tell you, but yes, you should've gotten at least, I'm only gonna do one, 'cause I couldn't remember if I gave you one or two. Yeah, I definitely did. But I'm pretty sure that you each had-- One greater? One greater healing potion. Okay, okay. I got a max damage on my Eldritch Blast, or 10 force damage. Oh, that is just, wow. Let's fucking go. With the Voodoo Blast. It blasts into her. Trust me.

- I'm gonna reach into my jacket and pull out one of those potions and down it as a bonus action. - All right, you only have one. - Yes, 44 plus four, right? - 44, yes. - 44, so it's an appealing group. - So for the pigeons are going to swarm around because it's lair action, so they get to do what they want. The one that's in the corner is gonna go to Marius.

- Sure. - Number four? - Yeah, the other one's gonna go to Lethika. - Sure. - They cannot come closer towards me unless, and at the end of the turn they can save. - Well fuck, so they're not gonna do anything and then I just roll. Damn it, I don't know what I got. That was a three. - They can all go to Yorgrim. - Yorgrim, yeah, they can go away from, they can all go to Yorgrim. - Okay, so yeah, they can go. So that one's a five.

I shattered the ember. Like a bronze god. They have 60 feet. Like a green god. And so these ones are at, oh my god, I'm going to kill you with the bitches. Like a patina bronze god. Woo!

19 and 15 to hit. Is this a near die? And 14. No, for the pigeons. Is that a reaction round? Yeah. They're disadvantaged.

They all miss then! They all just fly into the mist and it's like a plane. They all get confused. They're all pecking at the tombstone. They don't know what to do. They're doing amazing damage. Oh, Briggsie, make your constitution saving throw for me, please. Good luck, brother. For pigeon bird. If it's the rule of Rodgrubbs, we can't let it get to three!

- 16? - 16 succeeds. - All right. - And so with that, it's the lair action. She is going to move two spaces forward.

And she is going to use her spell to cast lightning bolt. Oh, fuck! I saw that coming. I saw that coming. I can't see you just said something! I'm serious, I can't fucking see! That's a fucking gesture. Maybe if the map were bigger, Rich. Stop moving it to the small! I need you guys to make a dexterity saving throw for me, please. Are you clipping in five pixels down here?

I think I pass. My dex saving throw is... Yeah, it's 15. But wait a minute. Saving throw, you said? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why does that have a plus thing? 21. That is a nine. Oh, you've shielded. Whatever, right? Against a spell or other harmful effects that target only me. That's fine. I still got a 17. Yeah, you pass. So you'll only take half of this, but you'll take the full amount. And nine.

I'm passing on my saving drill. I just can't fucking hit for shit. You are going to kill one big guy. I think so. Holy shit. So that's 10, 15. I'm going to be twisted. Let's switch his luck. Yeah, we'll pull out a twist. I love being twisted. Big shot. All right. What is the DC do we know? 15. 15? 15. Sorry, I need a 10 or higher. I can do that.

- Two. - You'll take 27 points of damage, the rest of you will take half. - 27 and a half is like 16, no 15. - I take all 27. - I was gonna get there. - Yes, because you failed. - Okay. - My nimble piercings are on fire. - She didn't cast tea metal. - It's lightning.

It actually just straight up melts the fucking piercing. Are you still alive? Yeah. Wow, look at you go. Well, it's only because I had max HP in you. Yeah, I was going to say, you haven't been hit yet. And now I have one. And then she is going to actually, the person she can probably get to is Lethika. So she's going to move forward to Lethika, and she's going to use her first stomp.

And that is going to hit. I need you to make a strength saving throw for me, please. Oh, that's definitely where Alethic is, I think. 13. 12 points of damage. I'm unconscious. Okay. Fuck! Holy shit. I needed to...

This fight is just not going well for Marius. And she is, you know, she's smart. She's going to, so that would be an auto hit and auto crit. So two failed saves because she's going to stomp you again. Yeah. Okay. Well, no, no, no, hey, she has a roll. Oh, she does have a roll. She has a roll. She's disadvantaged. Why is she disadvantaged? She's just advantaged is what I was saying. So she is advantaged. She is advantaged. She's at advantage? Yeah. Because you can still fuck her. 16? What did I need to say?

- So I've already failed twice because-- - No, no, no, no, no. This is to see if you fail twice. It's your AC 16. - It is. - I will say crossroads, fucking do something! - Re-roll it. With my bad luck feature. - Oh! But do I, I just roll one die or do I re-roll one? - You roll one extra die and you take the lowest.

Well, I rolled a 16 naturally, so the lower one. So two failed saves. So two failed saves. I tried. And she's going, as she stomps into Lethika's chest, she'll look out at all of you. You're really wasting my night. There's so much that needs to be prepared. Oh, the archbishop has done what he needs to do, but...

He's a pawn and he doesn't even know the full extent of what's going on. Please stop wasting my time or I'll make a meal out of your friend.

- I don't hear any of this 'cause I'm unconscious. - 'Cause you're unconscious and dying. - Why is Lethka made out of fucking cobwebs? - And then she can-- - I gotta move, but I gotta get in there. - She is going to use a legendary action because they've reset and she is going to once-- - It's only after another creature's turn. - Huh? - After another creature's turn.

That was her turn. Oh, shit. You're right. Never mind. So now it's my turn. I thought it was Lethika's turn. Damn it. No, no, no. I hope it's Lethika's turn. I have my own turn planned out. It doesn't work. It doesn't work.

I was just gonna try and hold purse in him. Oh gosh. I'm surrounded by pigeons. Right, and they could kill you if you're paralyzed. They're just raging though. And the swarm has been gold. What's the red? Oh, yeah.

Okay, I am going to look down at Lethika and look around and just see that she's flying all over with her gross pigeon wings. And I will look at Marius as I will start plucking my banjo. And I'll say, believe it or not, you're flying around. I never thought you could be so freaky.

Flying around on a wing and a prayer to the thunder, who could it be? Believe it or not, it's Mary.

and I am going to use my banjo to cast Fly on you. Yes. And these crazy demonic crow wings are going to sprout out of your back. And I am going to then, in the same action, and not flavor it any differently, I want to get within 60 feet of Jorgrim.

And then also use that in order to cast Mask Healing Warrior on everyone. Nice. And I will roll that. It's fucking good. It's better than what I had. At my third level. Derek wasn't wrong when he said I was going to kill him tonight. Jeez. It's getting close. I mean, Lethigo will live, but I actually am going to be murdered. No, I'm talking about Derek. The guy with the shotgun. We're paying him overtime. No shotgun, guys!

He's just waiting. So everyone enjoys nine points of healing. Yes! That was much better than my plan. You said nine points of healing? As you enjoy 60 feet of flying moon speed. Thank you. You feel the air fill your lungs as you...

as you look up and her pigeon talons are sinking deep into your chest. And she's looking down at you with disgust. Jericho, I need you to make a constitution saving throw. - Can I twist it please? - Yeah. - Yes. - We don't want you to explode in the pigeon cell. - No. - 21. - All right, you have one failed save. - Oh, D.

- One failed save. - Oh sorry, you have one successful save. - And two fails. - Lethika, you come too. You are prone on the ground beneath her pigeon foot, but you are alive with nine hit points. - I'm hurt, but I'm not thinking of myself. All I care about is serving justice in this moment and seeing an end to this hag. I will use my bonus action to call upon my Sharan and my

Chakram, and I will make an attack in the form of a melee spell attack that almost certainly hits. That does hit. 21. So that's going to be maximum damage. Destructo Disc! Destructo Disc! Why do they use that all the time? 13 points of spiritual weapon damage, which is apparently radiant? What is it?

- It's force damage. - No, it's force damage. Very exciting. - It's a very strong spell. - That's very strong. Yeah, that's very strong. - It's a crazy strong spell. - And so that's my bonus action. And being as hurt as I am, I just want to hurt her. So I am going to reach out. Do I see where her feet end and like flesh begins? Like what's happening in the ankle? - She's wearing pants. - She's wearing pants? - Yeah.

I'm going to grab where I can see flesh on her talons. Even if one of them is on my chest, I'm going to grab them and I'm going to say, you're going down, bitch. And I'll cast Inflict Wounds. Nice. I'm going to cast it at second level. Nice. And let's try a... Oh, I have to make a melee spell attack.

So you will be at disadvantage because you're prone. Is a melee spell attack affected by that ruling? Because it's a melee attack. You're at disadvantage. I mean, her AC is only 16. An 8 or higher. I don't think it matters. You got it. 8 or higher. 8. Nice. Holy shit. Well done. Nice.

Love Dungeons and Dragons. She'll take 40 10 damage, which is like this. Wow. Unless you're like me and we're one. 5, 6, 10, 26 points of necrotic damage.

Hot damn. If I hit, I'm just gonna start smiting. What spell is that? Inflict Wounds. It's literally just like, I'm opening wounds up on her feet. They're creasing her where you might normally see a wrinkle of skin or popping open and...

A black ichor is pouring out. As you reach onto her pigeon foot, you watch as the skin begins to dry out as if she's been walking barefoot through the desert. And as the skin tightens, it cracks and opens as it begins to pour blood. She's clearly in need of a...

Nail and hoot. A hoop treatment. And I'll call out to the group. Don't give up. She's almost done. That's the end of my turn. I need you to roll a constitution saving throw. Oh, good. What's your inspiration? 1d6? 8. Constitution, 9.

- That's two failures for me. - Yes. - She is going to use a legendary action because now it was her turn, or your turn, and she is going to look towards Marius. - I was gonna say, she's seen a jaw of vengeance.

She's going to look towards you. "Really, I'm getting bored of this game of cat and mouse. Fight for me, my darling. Fight for me." And she's going to... I need you to make a wisdom save, yes, a wisdom saving throw. He's proficient in that. Oh, no, wisdom. Paladins are great at wisdom. Aye, say true.

Might be good. It's 14, I could twist it. Twist it. I think you twist it. Yeah, I think you twist it. I think we just end her, like next turn. That's worse, so 14. She holds your person and you are paralyzed. I finally failed a saving throw. Holy shit. I tried, guys. Close. Oh, I do have inspiration. Yeah, yeah. You had it. Yeah. I gotta use it. I was gonna use it to fucking-- Oh, you had it. Two or more, I think. Yeah.

Two. Two? Oh! Yes! 16! That does it. Yes! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, bye! I swear to God. I'm coming for you! You start to get rock hard. And then you shrug it off. And then I'm actually rock hard.

Jorgren. Man, we are pulling this fight with our nails. To be fair, this is mostly my fault. I suck. I mean, these guys were all getting opportunity attacks on me, right? Garbage. If we were to leave, yes. Literally. Can I hit Peeping Albert? Yeah, you could try.

He's flying. He's flying in the air. All of the other familiars haven't really been killable. That just signifies he's like five feet in the air. I would say your experience from the other fights is you could do as much damage to him as you want. If she's not killed, nothing's going to happen to him. You won't be able to kill him before you can kill her. Does he attack?

No, he just attempts to spit brew in your mouth. I will attack whatever pigeon swarms. Four, five, or six? Yeah, all right. I'll attack one, then I'll attack another one. Sure, let's do it. Do any of them have one health? No.

- They're all full house. - I just attack one twice. - Okay, so attack four twice. - Was this a known thing? - Their AC is 12. - I spent energy and time during my turn to try and kill Peeping Owl. - The past two fights-- - I know, it was great. - The past two fights-- - Should I have known that in advance? - You could have asked. - If you could have used the laws of deduction given the way that the other familiars worked.

in the previous fights. Why would I play that much though? - Well, to be fair, like I kept them under like Slippery Oswald was in the ground, then he popped out. Jenkins, what's his name?

- Filthy Jasper. - Filthy Jasper was always trying to burn your chest. - Filthy Jasper was, he came out of the walls. - Fucking classic. - And so like I did things to make them not on the board. There's nothing for me to do outside. They're flying 20 feet in the air, but you have spells that can go 20 feet south. - I spent an entire turn doing an entire spiritual weapon to him and also using a cantrip. - I thought we could kill him. - I just put right here, I'm like, eh, give him an AC at 20 and he's got 200 hit points.

- That's a beefy boy! - Sorry, Derek. - Oh gosh, this is real foul weather. - I think I want to know. - I'll hit four twice. - Okay. Do you AC of 12? - Yeah, I do like 23, 22. - Well then yeah, so you destroy number four. It's just gone. - One virgin angel. - Roll a constitution saving throw, please. - Ooh. - Keep attacking my failures.

19? That succeeds. You have two successes. She is all out of spells. Is that the end of your turn? Yes. Okay. She's going to use a legendary action and she's going to stomp Lethika. Oh no, guards! 17 plus 7. Okay, perfect. 2.

That's not neat. It's usually like nine damage. Eleven points of damage. I'm unconscious. Oh, you're still prone. Yeah. No, you got up.

You had a turn? Yeah. I had a turn. Did you get upset? He didn't get upset. He didn't specifically say that. I didn't specifically say that. I grabbed her ankles. I saw her get up. But it's okay, because at advantage, I rolled a three. Yeah, you didn't crit. You're fine. I didn't crit. Oh, God. I mean, it wouldn't have mattered, right? It just would have knocked you dead. Let's think it was getting stupider as the amount of concussions there are. You like green swelling, like for real. Yeah.

- Yeah, that was, yeah, Jorgren, okay, that was her, she did that. Peeping Albert, Peeping Albert is going to fly towards... - No, Jorgren, people are trying to say disadvantage, Jorgren's been attacking pigeons. He's not debuffing the ridge. - Jericho, Peeping Albert is going to fly towards you and attempt to spit this pigeon goo into your body. I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. - I'm like the guy from Seven.

I don't think Garch, I crush it. Okay, perfect. 21. You bat him away and he's not able to land his pigeon grossness. Get away from me, weird. I got a restraining order against you. There he is. As these wings have sprouted from the back of my armor, I will...

rise up into the air and I'm going to try to attack her, but as a plea in game and in real life, I'm actually going to say a prayer to Lathander. Come on, man. I've been worshiping you for weeks, dude. Farewell, illuminated one, until we meet again.

We carry the sun in our hearts until then. Give us the strength to carry on until the next dawn. We greet your ally, the Moon Maiden, whose silver light guides us until then. There is always another dawn.

Farewell, precious son. And I will fly at her and take the fucking head off! Come on! Come on, Ladanra! I don't ask for much! Come on. Okay, that's gonna be two hits. I got a 19 natural now, and a 19 natural for 14. Oh, thank god. And, um, let me just real quick read a little something here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You're a eulogy. You googled it. Yeah, there doesn't seem to be a limit of the number of times that I can do this. What? Divine Smite. You use a spell slot. As long as you have the spell slots for it. I am going to make both hits two level two Divine Smites. Sure. Don't forget to throw a bunch of roses.

- I'm gonna twist a dread though, I'm just kidding. - Six, seven, eight, 16 and eight is 24, right? - Yeah. - And then plus seven is?

31. Okay. And then 10, 15 plus seven is 22 plus seven is 29, so 60 damage. How do you wanna do this? I cut her fucking head off with the absolute glory and light and radiance of my god. The room, which was awash in darkness, now begins to pulse.

with these bursts of sunlight that seem to be emanating from the inside of Marius as he raises himself up from, I'm gonna say you were in a kneeling position while you were praying. She was focused so much on killing Lethika that she's staring down at you, Lethika, and you see as she looks up, confused for a second, a smile starts to appear on her face as she looks towards Marius and sees him coming towards her.

The realization coming a little too late that he's not walking towards her in what she would imagine her charm or an act of love, but in an act of wrath and an act of justice. And as she goes to embrace you, she realizes just too late as you swing the sword around and plunge it down through her neck and into her chest.

With a loud crack, the sword breaks through the bones in her chest, and with a loud pop, you hear as the sword pierces her heart, as it bursts in holy flame within her body. Her eyes roll back, and she lets out a scream as she falls to the floor dead. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

She had 47 hit points left and I was like, "That really sucks because Marius isn't gonna get the final hit. That'd be kinda cool." - She really did? - No. - You calm, starts to come to the room for a moment

as pop, pop, pop. You see the two remaining swarms of pigeons explode into feathers and burst out of existence.

And you watch as her head begins to swell and pulse and swell and pulse. And as you're standing over her, staring into her blank, lifeless eyes, you're immediately covered in gore and viscera as her head explodes into blood and...

actual pigeons, as up out of where her head should be, her headless neck is now a dark, gaping hole, and flying out of it are one, two, three, dozens, hundreds of pigeons as they fly up and out and up through the hole that leads further up into the jail. They're not these strange, abominable pigeons, but actual pigeons as they make their way back towards the city above.

You hear a weird scraping noise as you look to the side where Peeping Albert had been. He is absolutely entranced with the form of Golub Greygullet, and with a lightning-fast movement, he rushes towards her body, completely ignoring all of you, as he begins to feast on her decaying flesh. Oh, Christ. Does she still look like a human?

That's actually a good question. So as you look at her at first, it looks as though she is just her beautiful form with her pigeon feet. But as you begin to stare down at her, you see that her skin begins to lose its elasticity as it begins to wrinkle and sag. Her once perky breasts are now hanging down around her waist.

Her skin itself is looking translucent and sallow, almost slimy, like her nails elongate with a dark purple-like tinge to them, the tips a near neon yellow, clearly

covered in fungus. And you imagine if you could see what her head would look like, though you've witnessed two horrific hags prior to her, just based on the bottom portion of her body at this point, she was far more grotesque in her actual form. Now that the illusion that she had been masquerading as has faded. The oldest and the ugliest of the three.

I shoot a fucking filthy Jasper's cousin, whatever his name is. He is completely consumed in the task of consuming, and you don't even need to roll to hit. It is easy enough to target him. You're able to walk up and place the barrel of your voodoo gun immediately at the back of its head as you let loose its magics as Peeping Albert bursts into blood.

- What? - I am dying. - Oh yeah, please roll. - Shit. - I succeed. - Perfect. - Leathergear, are you okay? - Yeah, he's getting worried. - Did she died?

I walk back over to the group, seeing Peeping Albert rushing towards a horrible display of Eldritch Terror in front of me. Seven. And I look at Marius and I just say, "Have you always had wings?" "No, this was the work of our very clever scarecrow friend."

Jericho. Well done. Sorry about all the gross demonic crow feathers that are around you. Is that permanent? No, it'll just last an hour. I need you all to roll a perception check for me, please. Or I could drop it, I suppose. Not that experienced in war. Perception? Let's take a look. Sixteen. Eighteen.

19. Give me some of that 25 action. Jericho? Real bad. Everyone but Jericho. You hear a noise, a light popping sound coming from the decaying body of Golem Greygullet. And it catches your attention enough that those of you that noticed it turn to look.

and a bit of her flesh shifts. And Briggsie, this is an area you had just been looking at, where bits and pieces of Peeping Albert were scattered about. Emerging out of the form of Peeping Albert is a strange gray coloration. And as the flesh settles, you now see where Peeping Albert had been, a large egg. - Oh, fuck. Take a look at this.

- So now, did the centipede or the weasel, did they lay eggs? - Not to my knowledge, we should just stomp it out. - Farron, are you okay? Oh yeah. - You have just undergone a very traumatic experience in this place. And as you begin to relax, though this egg is causing you a bit of hesitation, you look about the room expecting to see Farron

coming to now that this hag's magic has been quelled. But she still seems to be tethered to this strange amber shard and her eyes are milky white and she's motionless. She shimmers with that amber radiance. - Shakily I'll stand and put my hands on Briggsie and on Marius' shoulders to steady myself. - I do not think that we should destroy the egg. - What?

You must be joking. I am done with this. Look at Farron. Clearly the magic here has not been broken. This remnant of whatever that horrific familiar is needs to die. We do not know what it could mean. If we destroy it now and it was the ingredient to some future solution, I worry that we don't have enough knowledge to know that it must be destroyed the way that we knew that we must destroy this Gullub Greygullet.

I would like to look around and is there a similar kind of like glowy runic biz around the effigy of what's-her-face suffering? So on the floor, there's the arcane sigil that is no longer... And it's still glowing. No, there's no longer any illumination to it. With the death of the hag that has clearly been extinguished. I thought maybe we had a Cule Hagney do it. No, that's fine then. Look, here's the thing, Leffica.

We've been brash and done the first thing we thought of every time since we got here and it's worked out perfectly fine. So let's kill the egg. That is not my assessment. Stop! That is not the story that I would tell you if I were to repeat what has happened since we have arrived here. We have been...

Wrong. What are you even fucking thinking? We're still alive. It's my point. We've got free eggs and we're still alive. That's what matters. I agree with Lethica. Everything we've fought so far, something worse stands behind it. While the Midnight, power over life and death, we thought we had. Keziah and Maribel.

But now we don't. That power is shattered. This is some relic we could potentially use to channel. We may need it. Is there any... anything else here that we might... We must find a way to restore Varen. We must take the egg. We must take Zephyrin's body and see if we can give her peace. Poor Miss Mirabelle. Mrs. Mirabelle. We couldn't do nothing.

We did. After all this, we still ain't killed a single witch. Gosh. We did. Free that pie guy, though. What was it? I missed what you said there. We freed that pie guy. Oh, that's right. I'm sure he's fine. I made him pass all them guards heavily armed and through the city of masses. Now he's just Dark Souls rolling out. That's right. Look at those high frames. Wow. He's not taking any damage.

What worries me is that Hag mentioned a plan that was already in motion. Do you think it could still continue with her being dead? Certainly, yes. And look, I just want to make it clear that at the beginning of this file, I was just trying to find out the plan, not like I was actually considering betraying you all. Oh, guard, I was going to say, I was looking with... You really hurt my feelings there, Briggsie. I was like, gosh, after everything we've been through.

we've been through you're just gonna get a pamphlet for Mother Midnight I was just trying to see if she would be like arrogant and you know spill the beans listen we've known Briggsie for several weeks now the man's never gonna take a pamphlet for anything I've been trying oh I suppose that's true I never doubted you for a second

Yes, we must learn to trust each other, to be able to rely on each other. You yourself, Jericho, were starting to turn a little towards the entity within you, I think, and I knew that you would see it through, and I'm glad that I was right this time. The verger seems to be pretty quiet now, a little cross.

Do I recall how we or the amber sarcophagus in the crooked house was broken? Did it break on its own or did you cast a shatter spell? I can't quite remember. I think it was a combo. Yeah, I think it was a combo of things. You guys were fighting it. He cast shatter. Okay. Well, we know that this amber is brittle. It can be broken. Perhaps just breaking this will free Farron.

Let us try it, but if it does not work, let's find a way to get out of here altogether and... I sort of stop for a moment. I'm very weak. We got fried by lightning on multiple occasions. The stomping was...

Not as pleasant as I had presumed. Not as pleasant as I would have presumed, yes. You know, I used to tell folk I'll try anything twice, but no, I think once is enough for me. Do I? I reached him...

And do I still feel any fluttering or anything? Do I still feel... With her death, you feel that that has completely stopped. You're still spitting up some bits of feathers, but you imagine that the corpses of whatever pigeons had been birthed within you will probably pass over the next couple of days. I cough a feather and it's black. Oh, gosh, thank goodness. Well, I suppose we can try to do the old shatter thing.

tap operation on the one what is next to Theron, but I don't want to hurt her. Dumbass. Oh, gosh. I destroyed them stairs real easy with them weasels. Wait a minute. Wasn't it Marius' special gal? What broke it the first time? What cracked it? I'm not sure. I know that she broke whatever hold was over me. When I got too close, she in some perverted way protected me. Hmm. I'm going to

look up there and see if I can find anything that might hint towards her larger plan or this Mother Midnight. Briggsie, if you want to join me, you can help me find the clues that might solve this mystery. Well, I mean, before we go, the egg, are we killing it or are we landing on that? If anyone cares about what I have to say, and I know no one does, I kind of think we, to make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs.

Not that we should ever make an omelet out of whatever comes out of that egg. No, no, no, no, no, sirree. We'll discuss it. And I will reach forward to take the egg. When we are out of this horrid place. And I will put it into my sentient bag. The bag opens on its own and you see the hands come out and grab it. Its fingers, way longer than you remember them being, even just recently.

as it wraps around the egg and tenderly pulls it within the confines of the bag. Keep it all together. You hear a loud crunching noise. No, that's not what I said. You did the opposite of what I said. That's ridiculous. Don't do that. No, stop.

No. No. It's about the size of an ostrich. No. An ostrich egg, not a full ostrich. Oh, so not actually as big as I was envisioning. I was thinking like... It's not like a dragon's egg. Volleyball-sized. But that's still... Yeah, still a big size. It's a little bit, yeah. It's like an Easter egg.

I hate to be the player who's like, can I roll to see if I know anything about this egg? Yeah, no, go for it. Arcana. But can I roll to see if I know anything about this egg? I'm a cleric and I use spells. What kind of roll would you roll? Arcana. Arcana? Uh-huh. All right.

Acknowledge, yeah. Can I make an Acknowledge roll? What does the 14 tell me as I place this into the grossly long fingers? Um...

That there is something magical about it, clearly. That it is... that there is some semblance of life to it. That it is not a... I would say it's not an unfertilized deck. Oh, hell no! It's for Ganon, then. Yeah, it's definitely Ganon from Link. Oh, shit.

Oh, the legend of Link. Well, that's the guy that can help us beat Mothman, let me tell you. Only Marians can defeat Ganon. I'll grab my stuff! Well, excuse me, princess. I can even after rock. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

And I guess I'll walk over and start to sort through as I think upon the preganan egg. Things that I might be able to find. Go ahead and roll an investigation at advantage because Brixie's hoping Luke. I'll walk over to the amber that Farron's connected to and just try and hit it pretty hard. I roll an attack. That's the worst advantage roll I think I've ever made. Five. Purgatory end.

16.

Sorry. 16. Oh, yeah. You're easily able to hit it. The strength you have behind it completely shatters it. It's only about maybe this big, like double the size of the egg. And as you shatter it to pieces, you feel for a second like you hear a strange whispering voice, but it's so quick and it's so quiet that you're not able to understand or make out what it says at all as the tether that links it to Farron dissipates.

Farron rocks for a moment. Her eyes still milky white. She doesn't... She's no longer tethered to this thing, but she doesn't seem to be... She doesn't seem to be returning to normal. You imagine that you're going to need to contact someone with stronger magical ties to figure out how to remove this affliction from Farron. All right, well, at least we can carry her out of here. Do you remember? She heard someone speaking to her before we engaged in combat.

Oh, that's right, she did! For just a brief moment. Who was whispering in her ear? Like a whisper on the wind, as I shattered the amber. I couldn't catch it, but something spoke to me. So, um...

So with that investigation, you just do a rough check and you don't find anything immediately. But what I will say, it becomes very clear to you right away that if you're looking for answers as to what her plan is, this is the place to find it. There are jars, there are tomes, there are strange symbols and things that you would need the rest of your life

your friends to help you decipher. You on your own have not found anything, but you, I was like, even with a five, cause just fine stuff.

You know that there is important stuff here. - My vision is doubling. I've lost one gallon of blood. - And you only had half a gallon of blood. - Right, yeah. - While-- - I'm in the negative blood zone. - While Briggsie and Leffika go off and Jorgen grabs Farron, I'll look at Marius and I'll point to Zephyrine's

Presumably impaled body. And I'll try to reach up and I'll put Justin in a marriage. You want to give me a hand with getting her to a more respectable position? And I'll try to reach up to like pull the goat skull off first. Yes. And I'll be very careful.

I'll say you're easily able to do that. You can see that she has not been dead for that long. The body hasn't begun to start to decay. She's cold, but outside of that, it's been maybe a day tops. I am so sorry that we did not get here faster.

I'm going to take the goat skull and I'm going to put it beside myself in a safe place where I don't want to break it yet or, or, uh, for now. And then, uh, while Marius is trying to actually get her down, I want to see, um, are her hands grafting or, or holding the knife in the dish? Yes. It's the same position that the, um, and I would say what you, what you know so far is that, uh,

I at least think that you've been told if not well now you have that there are ties to the iconography of this and Mother Night which is different from Mother Midnight yeah that sounds familiar and so the goat skull was in Mother Night

Yes, the effigy with the knife and the dish in that position with the goat skull and the human body is an effigy for Mother Night. Does the dish have the pigeon centipede and... It is the exact same dish that you saw in the crooked house. I'll put that beside the goat skull as well. And then I'll hold Mary's. Yeah, and then I would just try to lay her down respectfully. You know, I don't have anything to cover her with, but just, you know.

Is there like a blanket or anything that we investigated? This is outside of this area where all this gore was. Looking around the room, you see that the rest of the room is

fairly nice. There's plush furnishings. There's the, um, the large, uh, velvet tufted seat that she was sitting in when you came in. All of the dishes and trays are pure gilded silvers. Uh, there is a, I would say, large plush throw blanket that she would use to keep herself warm during the torturing processes. And so, yes, it's easy to find that. Uh, and then all along the walls are old dusty tomes. Um, the table that, uh,

Lethika is at is clearly covered in important documents that she kept for her eyes only. Large, what look to be ancient books in languages that Lethika at this moment, with her double vision at least, can't discern. And that's what you see all around.

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I am desperately trying to find anything that I think will help us understand this larger plot, but I am struggling, and Briggsie is not being very much of a help. I would say with the cumulative effort of everybody, you could work together to start piecing these things together to get yourself a creation. Help me to piece these things together. She said that the Archbishop was critical to the plan. Is there anything that references him?

Once I can put everything down, I'll start helping. What are you doing with Zephyrine's body? Well, I mean, we laid it down and... I was gonna, yeah, I was gonna grab... See if we could cover it. Yeah, I was gonna grab that flush blanket and I was saying, maybe you can use this.

Yeah, and we just try to respectfully cover her body. Okay. I'll help. I'll just let me cut the velvet upholstery off this chair real quick. If I can. So you toss the throw blanket aside and start. Oh, you want to keep the velvet because it's expensive. Yeah. Okay. It's nice. It's nice. Okay, sure. Yeah, you can do that. You never know. This is why he's no help. Because you never know. You never know.

Get over here. He ignores the like beautifully like intricate silver cutlery and dishes and trays and he's carving them. I'm gonna cut this velvet right off this couch. I'll give y'all a hand. Now that she's covered and we're not feared of anything else coming to kill us, let's go scour this place.

It'll help. I would say over the course of an hour, you collect any bits that you can find that look like they might be pertinent to the situation. What languages do you all speak? Hmm. Let me check. Probably not much, to be honest. Orc and Primordial. You're used to... Draconic. Yeah, Draconic, Dwarvish, and Elvish. Abyssal and Common. Um...

Deep speech and elvish in addition to common. Okay. Just for the sake of you know more about this shit than... Well, not... I just don't remember. Abyssal is demons or devils? Demons. Infernal is devils. Okay, thank you. That's what I thought. I just wanted to make sure because that's important. Oh, wow. You... You begin to...

accumulate everything that you can find. And you take it all to one clean area, you pull the partially destroyed chair over and you begin piecing things together. And it takes you the better part of an hour to get this spread laid out. It starts to begin to make some sense. So now we're gonna have, you know, just Lorde drop the musical.

And you begin to see some things emerge. The mentions of a goddess, the goddess Mother Night. In working towards something called the Moonlit Rebirth, there are diagrams revealing something to do with Cyril and a power structure here. All of this circled showing Mother Midnight, and this is her concentrated effort.

There are bits of notes about if this can be executed. The workings of Mother Midnight's daughters won't even be necessary. She can do this on her own. This notes from clearly Golub, this could lead me to what I need to becoming the 13th daughter. Essentially, I'll never be a witch, but if I can help her to accomplish this, she would see me as one regardless.

You see that there is talk of seven entities trapped in amber held within a hexagram. You see seven Balor, mighty winged demon generals of demon lords long imprisoned in amber monoliths. All are sinful. You see that Cyril is notated as a locust of power within Folesense.

The reason being is sinfulness. Nothing is more sinful than a true human. And where in a land of death do you find humans but fulsomes? There is talk of demons feeding on the sins. These Balor feeding on sins.

There are some things that you don't quite understand, but many talks about the rebirth, that this is Mother Midnight's plan. And then you eventually get to a point where it says, it mentions that the Amber Monoliths are conduits.

And it depicts them as having the ability to transfer that sin to the entity. Essentially being able to take the deed that feeds the Demon Lord, or the Balor, or whatever is connected, or Kellen of the Crooked Teeth. And it allows it to feed it directly to them. But that these conduits could be rerouted.

and that if Mother Midnight can reroute them and feed them as she pleases, her task will be complete. You begin to look through the notes and you see what appears to be a crudely drawn map of the city of Cyril. And at the very head of it, the Church of the Blinding Light. And within it, seven dots clearly notating the seven different Balor. There's something to do with

the cathedral itself. What that plan could be. Let me just make sure there's nothing else that I need to

Do we know where the power... The power is being rerouted? So there are talks of utilizing... So basically what it's saying is the Amber Monoliths can be used to transfer power. Like, let's say you could use them to feed an entity, right? So, like, Kellen was trying to get you to do certain things to essentially feed her. Maybe she could have freed herself. Something of that. Yeah. But...

She was also being utilized, it seems, as maybe the practice monolith to see if there was a way to reroute that power to something else. And so what these notes are showing is that they've figured it out. And there are seven amber monoliths pertaining to seven Balor, which are like the right-hand helpers to demon lords.

each one of them notating a sin that are connected to Cyril in some way and feeding off the sins of the humans that exist in the city.

So there's seven Balor in the church and they're getting- Based on the map, it looks like they're in a hexagram pattern beneath the church. Beneath the church. And what you see as you shift through one of these books, and Jericho, you're the most help is you can read this abyssal language. Oh, yeah.

And you eventually get to a rough, on the back of this map that shows the church and the rough approximation of the hexagonal symbol in the very depths of the cathedral itself. You then see a list. NVIDIA. Envious Balor of Shaxx. The Balor of Envy, Lies, Murder, Torture, and Cruelty. Jericho.

Guthr Gluttonous Balor of Zovaran The Balor of Gluttony, Ruin, and Gargoyles Brigsi Lucrum

Avaricious Balor of Ereshkigal, the Balor of... Oh, sorry. Gluttony. I don't know why I said Briggsie. Gluttony in bold letters in her ink. It says Archbishop Danton Alexander Renault. Sorry. You're agreed. So, Lucrum, Avaricious Balor of Ereshkigal, the Balor of Greed, Portals and Riddles, Briggsie.

Tentigo, lascivious balor of Nocticula, the balor of lust, artist, and exiles. Farron. Veteranus, slothful balor of Jubilex, the balor of sloth, ooze, monsters, and poison. Yorgrum. Iracundia, wrathful balor of Orcus, the balor of wrath, necromancy, and undeath. Marius.

Wait, our names are written there? Yes. Well, uh, it's kind of the translation is a little off, but it's looking mighty safe. I guess we are missing one. Yeah, there's one for Pride, but I didn't write it down and I don't have anything else up here with me, so I'm not gonna read it off, but Pride is Lethica. Yeah.

I can tell you where it is, Lethika. You're Sokoth Banoth, but the rest of what they are. That's the demon lord that your Balor is associated with. Sokoth Banoth? Yes. We are merely pawns in this game, clearly.

She said the Archbishop was a pawn, and it's very clear that we are as well. Our presence here has probably done more harm than we could have possibly imagined. Just being here, we've been set up from the beginning. This makes no sense. What do they... They shat power from us? Why are we aligned to these Balor or demon lords? How have we fed her crystal? Or maybe they want us to?

All I can say is, long before I stepped foot in this land, I have hated what I've become. And made it my mission to hunt down creatures of the night. I told you about my dream. Just being here has only made things worse. When I heard that the High Inquisitor had tricked us and taken Sephirine, I wanted nothing more than to sever her head from her body. I would do it again and again and again, given the chance. Good.

I thought so. But now I'm worried that I haven't been able to control my emotions. Perhaps I've only been doing more harm because of that. We should attempt to be as stoic as we can. I have... I admit that I have felt much pride in coming here, being here, leading up to this fight. I... I must suppress it if it is feeding some entity. We must all try to resist.

It seems they have the power to impact our emotions. Nowhere more so than at the church, the blinding light, the bell tower. It seems that that's where their focus is. I mean, maybe that's what's powering the whole bell thing, making the town go crazy. We do have to deal with it. I don't know how or what we're going to do, but we have to do something. And it is at this point that Jericho, you...

Finally translate the last bit that's on here. There is scribbling, hasty scribbling. Once enough sin has been committed by the weak and manipulatable humans, spurred by the tolling of the bells, the final night of sin will commence. The entire province will lose their humanity entirely and irreversibly become maddened servants of sin with more fervor than they ever showed for Foltis. This will herald the beginning of the rebirth.

And that is where we'll end the session. Oh my goodness gracious. I have a lot to say.

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