Beneath Dark Wings | Ep. 16 | Beast in the Machine: Part 2
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Hey men, welcome to Legends of Adventress. I'm Toa Komonui and you're listening to Beneath Dark Wings. Here's sort of what happened last time. It's very important. I know that I don't look it, but I'm an ex-member of the Talon Guard and I can prove it. And I say this knowing full well that I may take the full brunt of the consequences, but I went AWOL. Kujata was a fool to think he could hatch a plan as half-baked as that. Thank you all for joining me for dinner. Did not seem like we had a choice, but you're welcome.

Since all of my personal guard have been slain, and my six eyes I can no longer trust fully, I am counting on you all to take their place. I have personally questioned all of you, and I know, and I mean no offense, when I say that you do not have the means to deceive me in ways that

my other generals may be able to the way that Kujata did for so long. All of you, whether sent by gods, circumstance, far worse. Felix Ackerman. Yes, sir. For you, I would hope you would know that this would come with a full pardon for your desertion. Show those medals.

So anyone that gives you trouble, if they are of the court of Harkinian military and they will pass, let you pass without question. You will be meeting with Chumley in the morning. You must show him what you saw, where you saw it. I have found the entrances to three more tunnels. Oh shit. So the door is knocked. You hear this gruff voice from behind the other side. What are you guys doing?

I immediately go to the door with my bowl of- empty bowl of jello, uh, jello salad and I open the door and I say, "Oh hey, how are ya?" As you open the door, you see a barrel-chested human man who seems to be a little bit pa- considerably- a little bit past his middle years. He has

A dark brown hair that is kind of awkwardly combed and a huge bushy mustache that almost fully covers his mouth. He almost looks like this walrus of a man. As he... He's a general, right? He's one of the generals. Yes, he is dressed in the same uniform that you saw Paradiso and Huijada wear. And you see a metal that has the same red eye.

General Chumlee, sir. Private Felix Ackerman at your service. I also salute and drop my bowl of jello, sir. General Chumlee, sir. Tower Windchaser Kamanui at your service. Hello, Chumlee. Iris of the Sands. Unfortunate name you have there, sir. What's up, Chum?

I'm still kinda in bed, like, drinking out of the thing I took with me, but I wave. You're like in your socks and you like slide into view. So, at ease, at ease, there's no reason for you to be so uptight. Let's get this over with, shall we? Just have it, sir, I'm sorry.

We're all ready to go, right? Get out of bed. We won't be uptight. Everybody keep it down tight. You're the new, you're the new, wings of the raven, that's what General, our General Zurn says. Oh, was that a title before he made us the wings?

It's coming in and out of style. Oh. All I know is it sounds like a bunch of outsiders are going to be telling me how to do me job. No, no, sir. We're hard workers and we're here to help you do whatever you need to get done. Yeah, well, we'll take care of business. Whatever you and the Lord of the Wings needs, we'll be all set. High General Zurn. That's what I said. You said Lord of the Wings. That's what I mean. Lord of the Wings? Lord of the Wings, yeah. High General Zurn. Is he called Lord of the Wings? I just called him that. Ha ha ha!

He is now. I don't think he's called that though. Anyway, we're going to show you where to go. Okay, leave the wine. Leave the wine. We'll make sure to take care of it. So we're traveling all the way from Phlox Roost to the Seven Heavens. No, you're in the Citadel.

sorry we're okay yeah i apologize so actually there's a that's a shorter journey yes because there are openings to each other we can head right into that corner or that sector yeah there's a gate to every single one of the districts yes yes yes yes yes yes yes he's on his he's on his frickle rock right now oh that's

That's a D. That's a deep cut. And... Darn toot. Only 90s kids. Why is that a deep cut? I want to go to Fraggle Rock. That sounds awesome. Fraggle Rock. Everybody knows Fraggle Rock. I mean, we all know what Fraggle Rock is. We do. Don't age ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I outed myself. I remember when the phone was invented. I do remember not having to use area codes. Is that bad? Is that bad? Shh!

I remember that. Yeah, me too. "Hefford Fowl would remember this." Chum, chum, chum. We're chummin'.

So you begin to guide, and then there is actually a... As General Chumley walks with all of you as you lead the way, there is a long row of soldiers, some of them seem to be having large melee weapons at their sides or at their backs, and there also seems to be a number of hooded road figures that seem to be magic users of some variety, as they all march forward.

in two lines behind the general as you lead General Cholmondeley down through the corridor. - Are any of these people very clearly Talon guard?

I would say that the... Or are they more like priests and priestesses? I would say they're probably priests and priestesses and maybe like official wizards of the Zentra garrison, but probably not... I wouldn't expect to see Talongarb walking out in the open daylight. So you know that Chumlee is basically the head of the garrison of Zentra. He's head of the internal defense of Porvahia. And you know that...

It was, uh, Furman that was the, uh, the eye that was responsible for the, basically, the external defense versus internal defense. Okay, got it. Right, right. And so, uh, he follows you and he says, "So, I don't know what you did to get on the High General's good side, and I don't know how it was that you figured out how Cajala was turned traitor,

Oh, just know that I'm keeping me eye on all of you, so there's no funny business. None so. I can't stress enough that we're here to serve and help. There might be a little funny business in the sense that I use it during combat, but aside from that... He's very funny. He makes me laugh every day. Thank you. At least once. Sometimes hideously. He wrote a song just for Zentra. It's true. What is it? Uh, Zentra, Zentra...

No, wow, I forgot. No, the one about the, you know. That's more about the whole, it's more about other stuff. Oh, oh, uh, uh, is, um, uh, yeah, yeah, I did do that. Uh, my viol's in my case. As he puts it away and blocks the case. I think it's like that. Oh, shit.

Okay, he leaned away. As this man that seems to be almost busting out of this suit isn't quite as well tailored for him. Get me my breastplate, stretcher! God, I was strong then. You remember both Portia and Kujata were very just perfect men.

perfectly crafted generals. This... Chumlee seems to be maybe a bit of an old guard, doesn't seem to be as nearly as well polished as these other ones. As he continues to follow you, the gates open, leading into the Seven Heavens with this massive entourage of soldiers in tow. And finally, all of the...

The individuals that live in the Seven Heavens are all kind of scared. As soon as they see this massive group of soldiers, they start bolting in other directions. They go inside, they lock their doors, they peer behind curtains as you march through the streets of the Seven Heavens. You eventually arrive, I guess you're going to lead them directly to the barn that had this.

You arrive at the barn as it stands there seemingly abandoned. The cows and the goats that had been there seem to no longer be there. You see that the hay is disrupted around the large door where you came out of. And as you all stop, Charmalee points at this and says, So is this all it then?

Yes, yes, it's right through here and then if you wouldn't mind I could open the door for us. I'll help you out, Tor. Me too. I will stand back and jump since you know manually though. That's exactly what I will do. I'll stand next to him and say, Mike, I'm the guy and hand him a little flask that I'm drinking out of. Yeah, who's your helper? He looks at it as well, doesn't he?

What is this? - Spirit. - What'd it be? - Is he okay or? - No, I don't. He's like. - So we'll just stand there watching. - You see his big bulbous nose and like rosy cheeks are as red and like, okay, open it up then. Felix has athletics check both of you. - I'm helping.

- And both of you at advantage. - All right. - Now it's disadvantage. - I remember what my stat is. - Nice, yeah. - I have just my first roll of the night. - Jeez. - Athletics? - Yeah. - At advantage. - All RP. - 27 for me. - Damn. All right. - Are we all rolling at advantage? - Yes. - Oh, okay. - Ooh, that's good.

Caprice, you are absolutely no help. At all. I put one arm under her, and as they lift it up, I'm like, yeah! 17. 17. As Toa manages to squat down, and Herjia is helping to whatever extent that she can. She heaves up, and Toa, you lift, and it's considerably higher than five feet, and you lift it up, and it goes out of your reach. I'm hopping. The sheer...

Toa heaves open this massive door. I lift it off my feet a little bit. Yeah, you see Fatal is hanging on the iron handle as it opens and the loud clang reverberating through the deep dark tunnel that you had traveled very far from.

And, uh, immediately these soldiers start fanning out and they, some have their weapons drawn, others have their hands up, and there's this faint glow around all of them. And he's like, "Okay, step back now, step back now." You sit. And I'll back up. He steps forward. You!

Send out a light! One of the hooded figures steps forward and his hand glows with this yellow light and he casts a bolt of light and it casts down hundreds of feet, illuminating this huge tunnel that you remember walking through. And it just illuminates everything. And he says, I don't like to look at this.

It's the some horrible labyrinth that seems to be the situation. And it's a very far walk from what we remember. Yeah. Took a couple hours, yeah? It's several miles. It was like half a day maybe? Or was it just several miles? It was a few hours, right? Yeah, three or four hours of walking. Yeah, it was hours. Okay. And so Cass down, uh, Chumlee stroked his mustache as he looked at all of you and goes, Well, it seems as if

You wasn't lying to the High General. And I like you. Give me a little bit of... He moves away, dear Asa. No, we'll be kicked out. Well, you all know what to do. And you see the soldiers immediately snap to attention. And...

They start to sprint past the general and sprint past all of you as they run. Their arms are behind them. They run and they're like their Naruto run. And then you see as a light emerges down, you hear as the ground starts to shake beneath you. As magic starts to collapse these tunnels. As...

Does it look like it goes deep? Wait, wait, wait. Are they collapsing the tunnel? They're collapsing it. So as they're going in and they're trying to imagine to collapse the tunnel as they're very far down and they start to collapse and then they start backing up and collapsing further and further. Okay, that makes more sense than what I thought it would. As Charlie just waits there looking bored,

The redness around his cheeks and on his bulbous nose is even more intense now thanks to the second nip that you gave him. And he's looking bored. What could it have been?

Been through that there was nothing to worry about. Now I actually gotta do something. And honestly, we believe that there may be one of these in each one of the sections of the city. We know of at least, what is it, four more? Three more. We know of at least three more in, and I name off the cities because of the sections, because I don't remember what he said. That's fine, we'll do that. And we don't know the exact locations, but we believe that we can find them.

Oh, this is gonna be an all day thing, huh? I believe so, yes. Oh, very well. And he says, "Well, we'll go to the others afterwards."

and you hear the as all these soldiers, the magic users, step out away from the tunnel and with a final glowing of the hands, the swirling of the arms, you hear a loud thunderous roar as the last of the tunnel collapses almost out into the barn as it seems as if the tunnel has been collapsed at least for a very long way. Hey Chum,

Do we know who owned this section of the city? I'm blanking on the word for a section, a building that houses animals. The barn. The barn. The stable. The stable. Thank you. Wow. Ocelot? Do we know who owned this ocelot? It's...

To be fair, out of character, we had done some investigation and knew that it was, that's how we found about the news place, was that there was a guy who was visiting the barn regularly and he was on the news person's employ. So that might actually lead us towards who owns the area. That might be a clue for how we find the tunnels in the other districts.

It's right. Yes, sir. I know it's a pain in the ass. How deep did you bury that tunnel there?

About 500 feet. That's pretty reasonable. I imagine... Yeah, that'll stop any of the beasts we've seen, I think. Do we feel comfortable? I mean, thinking about the infernal contraptions, they look like they could be driving through even that much collapsed dirt stuff. The infernal contraptions are absolutely massive, and so they would not be going through those labyrinths. They didn't appear to be digging machines either. Can I insight check the tunnel for how safe I feel?

Now that it's flat. I would say an intelligence check. Just a straight intelligence check. That's where I'm a viking. You're not Rodek. You don't do stonework. Did you say stone? A commoner ten. Seems fine. Yeah, alright, let's move on to the next one. I walk up to the wall and I smack it twice and I say, you can fit so much collapsed stone in this bad boy. And I walk away.

Well, there's a lot of collapsed stone, that's true. Ja, well done. Looks... That's right, Huzo, you can't... Wow, that's so true. There's so much collapsed stone in this tunnel now. Looks good for government work. Okay. That's very... That's exactly what it is. I'm going to give Huzo a wink and kind of nudge her to grab him by the other arm as we keep strolling. Oh! Oh, if I may, yeah. I'm a little bit shorter than him. I suppose so. It's probably more like

Like, this way, down. That's all he is. But I'm like, that's the most different one. We're probably pretty similar. Yeah, we're five feet. Yeah, about five feet. So you're a tall dwarf and you're a short genasi. Yeah. Yeah, that's perfect. So you're both the same height. Oh, well, I suppose. Okay, very nice. He's guided off.

And I want to just say, for the sake of brevity, why don't we... So you're just going to look for the markings on... The Wings of Liberty! Goddamn right! You're damn right! Let them know that they should have people that are going to the other ones to try and search those out, assuming that they would probably be capable enough of figuring out where the other ones are.

Okay, so lead them to the first one and kind of show them the symbol and like do a like a shebang. So rather that, so you're going to basically tell them what is going to be etched on those sides. Well, we'd probably find the first one with them and then be like, this is what you're looking for in the other. So then for that, we're giving them a starting point at the very least. We're telling them here's where to look. The closest one would be the Conquest Ward.

So you guide him. I'm going to need everyone to just make a group perception check. No! Four. Seven. A seven. Apropos. Natural. When did Sean Connery go to the Wimbledon? Twenty. Ten-ish. I got a five. Twenty. I also got a five. Nine. Twenty. Nice. But I've been at the drink. You and your cuffs. At the drink. In my guts.

Drinking out of cups. Eventually, you spend with that, with those rolls, it takes you a long time as you are guided through the

The Conquest Ward. And this is really the first time that you've experienced a good amount of time here. You wander on the Conquest Ward and you realize that this, the activity here, is incredibly intense. That there, that you had heard the sound of industry when you had passed by. But this is at a pace far exceeding that. You hear the loud creaking of

siege weapons as they're being rolled out and guided through the city, brought to the walls as it seems if they are attempting to fully prepare for all-out war and a full siege on the city. Well done, Vern. As the... As people are just darting out of the way as you march through the city. And...

And you eventually, you're looking around, you're looking for everything that you can look for. Does it look like all the weapons are going just to the wall? It seems that way, yeah. So, you eventually, you spend a good portion of the day looking around, looking for those Wings of Liberty, and eventually you find a small alley off to the side that also seems to be a stable.

that, uh, seems to have the remnants of it being a holding area for cattle that, uh, has very subtly, though, the same symbol of Revali's crest that he uses. And, uh, as soon as you arrive, Tremblay, uh, says, Well, I took long enough. Are you sure that you know where the rest of them are?

Yes, they're all marked like this and if it would help we could accompany you for the rest of them. But we feel like you should be able to handle it, yes? You're capable? And two of them have been stables so far, so that might be a dead giveaway. I feel like my work here is done.

And he waves at the soldiers who rush past him and open it up and they destroy the tunnel. I gotta be honest, though. I feel like that one of the generals would have been a little bit more oomph than this. I'm disappointed.

Are we completely out of earshot? Yeah, no, yeah, I'm very, like, I'm very quietly just whispering to Della. Well, perhaps he's done so many great things in life that he's kind of over it. He's just accomplished everything, and now he's just sort of trying to do what he can. That kind of person doesn't seem like the kind of person to act like this.

Well, I mean, at least he's helping us. He's helping defend the city. What's immediately around the second, like, area that we found in the stable? There is a variety of... There are mostly blacksmiths and then there is a workshop as well. As...

As you see around, there's kind of a clanging of hammers on anvils and the like, but it seems to be that this area that you're in is mostly just this kind of back area that is very much off the beaten track, the treaded path. Cool. Got it. Okay. So you eventually direct him to this. The soldiers rush forward and collapse it. And he... He...

he watches this happening he says well I feel like my work is done here I don't need to follow you outsiders anymore I feel like so if it's all going to be that simple and once we can look into what the gales from newspaper companies financial records hold we should be able to get the rest of it to the point that I don't need to

He seems a little bit winded. I don't need to walk around the entire city looking for the same thing. I feel like I can put top people on it. I feel like we have done our work and we'll head back to the Citadel. He, um... is kind of having a realization that, uh, Xern told us not to trust anybody. Um, Toa is going to say, "On second thought, I mean, do you mind if at least some of us accompany the rest of your men around the city?"

Why do you need to do that? I told you that we had top people on it. I just, I would like to help and assist if I can. The rest of us perhaps don't need to stay, but I'm happy to assist them, lift the big door, because I at least have the heart for it. Yeah, I'd love to. And... I see what he's trying to say is we've been a bit under sun with Zurn, you know. We've been kind of locked away and, you know, put in a room. And like, this is the first time we've seen the sun, you know, and...

Had a nip to drink and fresh air and the smell of that street food is calling me. Negator's waiting check of advantage. Who would care to do that? I would say... Me. Well, I guess who do you think... Toho, probably. Yeah. Not good. Twisted fate! No. Eleven. Yeah, heck yes. For street food? Eleven. And he waves his hand and says, "No, I would hope you're not questioning my ability."

to provide for the protection of this great city. No, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. I just mean... Yeah. You know, we're the wings of the Raven and I figured that we should be doing something to help, otherwise we're just going to sit around. And I'd like to do something to help. I'm a very helpful person. If it wouldn't hurt too much, I mean, you could feel free to leave if your job's done. I'd tend to. Then why don't you leave and I'm happy to accompany your men to the rest of the spots in the city.

I was told to make sure you get back to the Citadel unharmed or unscathed because of cultists they could be lurking about. -Cultists? -Sweats and Vandross. I think we'll be okay and I motion to the badges that we have. Yeah, we can take care of ourselves. We can move through district to district. We'll be fine. Yeah, I think that's probably the least of my worries. You all want to continue then?

Yes. We want to make sure that they don't get help. With this chumly, do you think Xern would be pleased to find out that you did not see this mission through to the end? Oh, got him. I was waiting for the iris burn, just waiting for it, and I'm so glad we got it.

List of burn wards in the... Intimidation? I'm not intimidating. Eleven. Eleven. His mustache bristles as his face is all flushed and he says...

Got it.

Double got him. Triple got him. Make him on the intimidation track. No! You're intimidating! Use a twist if you need to. Okay, 21. 21. This...

He seems to take a step back and his face gets even more red and ruddy as he says, "Well, of course, he would totally understand. I speak with Zern every day and we are in very hard standings. But I suppose that we could finish the job."

I'll kind of grab him by the arm and kind of turn him away from the groom and be like, "Don't worry, she does this to me daily." And just give him another nip of the bottle. Then I will lead the way. And I'm going to serve both of you as the next district. I'm going to slide up next to Toa really quickly and be like, "You're welcome, big man."

And then I'm going to slide back towards Luke. Is there any way that our talents could be used elsewhere, though, if we've directed them where they need to go and they can handle us? So the reason why I changed our course is that how General Zurn told us not to trust any of his generals. And I'm worried that he said, oh, we've got the rest so that we don't have to worry about it. And actually, he's not collapsing the rest of the tunnels. So I would like to. And if you think if you want to split the group. Say no more. I trust you.

- All right, let's, I guess I'll lead the gang to where I guess the next district getting a sense of, you know, the order of the city. - So I'm gonna say another group perception check to see how you guys spot things. - Oh shit, okay. - 15, 16, 17. - It's gonna be a six. - 14. - Retiring the 20. - 14, 15, 16, 17.

- Six. - 14, 15, 16, 17, 20, 26. - I've got two fingers in the shell of a bull. - She doesn't see anything 'cause she's licking the dill.

What a nightmare. So she still has like this bowl of jello that's been- I've been- Jello salad! Jello salad. Gonna melt it, a little dust has gotten at it from the room. Oh yeah. It smells like fart. Please stop. Please, please, please. The dust of the slums especially has accumulated. A little bit of the manure stench from the stables. And- I wish I was dead. You spend the rest of the day

You spend the rest of the day going around the rest of the city, but far faster than you found the first two. As you eventually find the Wings of Liberty on yet another stable. And once again, all the magic users run into the tunnel and collapse it. I suggest to them if they can make it deeper than 500 feet, they should.

And can I roll an insight check to see if any of these people that are collapsing the tunnel seem to be irritated that they're being watched? Oh, make an insight check. That's a good idea. And I'm continuing to try to be like, persuasion check for you. That should be pretty good. 18. 18. You get the sense, Iris, as you're watching all of these individuals, Caprice, you convince them to go in now 1,000 feet.

With that, as Caprice, you manage to convince all of them to go into these tunnels and collapse them far deeper. Yeah, guys, go in and bop the bippitop. LAUGHTER

Is that the scientific term? Yeah, it's related to shabooping. Interesting. I have so much to learn about your magic. So you can oom-bop into a hooman and shaboop into a hooman. It just depends. It really depends on where the magic's coming from. Context clues. Charlie, as you're all walking through, he's grabbing his chest a little bit. He's like...

Oh, is this guy gonna die? "Hey, you, gimme that!" "Gimme that, gimme the oonah!" Holy shit, Lifty's gonna kill him! He unscrews the flask from Lifty again, he's like, "I'm gonna hold on to this." "What the fuck?" That's you, chief! And he wants- he takes your flask and just puts it in his breast pocket. And, uh, and keeps it, and he's like, "I don't much care for outsiders telling me how to do me job, but..." "If it's gonna make the hard general happy..."

Yeah, you know what I think here is you're getting a pretty good ride. We're just doing the work. You can walk along, have a drink with the pretty lady. And you know, you get the good word at the end. Oh, you're so nice, Lucy. You better give me a good word. Well, I guess you do. Okay, this is the last one. As long as you make sure that you very certainly have the hard general that I was with you the whole time.

Absolutely. 100%. No problem, buddy. General Chumley, sir, are you feeling okay? I'm fine, little man. Do I look not okay? Is there... Is there shape-shifting? He gets to sweat and refuse me. His face is really red. Is there nothing that I can do for you?

What do you got on? You got a sandwich or something? Give me a minute. Let me see what I can do. Felix puts his hands up towards the general and says, fetus, yeetus, I cure you of diabetes. Come on now, let's go.

What's diabetes? She's snorting. You can cure people? Why wouldn't you? You've never seen you cure anyone before. This is some strange magic. I would really like to know how you ended up curing him. What did you say this was? Diabetes? Yeah, that is how it's pronounced. Is this a strigins?

I'd be happy to explain to you later. To be fair, none of you asked if I could heal anymore. It doesn't work! Or I would have been more than happy to cure you of diabetes. I don't believe that I have diabetes. What if I do? What if we have diabolics? Make a deception check and a performance check. Shit. Okay.

You broke, you broke, uh, Kelsey. Yep, Kelsey's not there. Oh, Jesus. Uh, this is gonna be performance, which is gonna be a four, but my deception... is a fifteen! A fifteen. He stands there as you hold your hand out, but he's like, "That's not a sandwich, boy!" Hold up, I have some dried fish that I eat on my travels usually, would you like some of this?

I look longingly down at my bowl. It's only like six months old. He looks in his pack and finds that his dried fish is not there. Come here and give that to me!

No, there's not actually a fish. We're just rations, right? Well, no. I can't draw a fish. I mean, I have some other fish. You see Iris kind of turn. I can't believe it's not in there. I bet it was that strange dwarf. Hersha's drunken father. Oh, you're right. You're completely right. Who's you? We're going to find your drunken father. So while that's going on, I'm just going to be like, don't though. And I'll tap his hand and cast levitate on him. So he's just...

Kind of slightly elevated and pulling along with me as I walk without effort. Okay. So, we're gonna save Chumlee. No heart attacks on my watch. And he's like, he takes another, uh, grab the flask out of his pocket. I appreciate that, but I mean, he's not, I hope he's not, I don't think he's always drunk. I mean, I wouldn't normally take offense to that because I'm a dwarf, but...

Yeah, we're gonna find him, goddammit! Yeah, yeah, and I'll get my fish back.

I give him rations instead. He takes it. I wonder why he likes cucumbers. He's like, hold on a sec. And he makes you all wait and stop as he goes. There's like this little sandwich boutique. And he gets this huge sub. Does he come back with his penis? He comes back. It's actually the same. It's not in Skyreach. It's not Fantasy Jimmy John's? It's Johnny Jimmy, right? It's Johnny Jimmy.

Yes! I love Johnny Jim. Do I see the guy who went to the first Johnny Jim? Are you sure it's not Janky Jim? Janky Jim. It's Kurobaki and Mike's. Oh, is that a Ruben I see in your hand, sir? Oh my god, Kurobaki! Or a Croque Monsieur? That's in the other district. They're not in this one. Damn it! And Johnny Jim's. He's out by Johnny Jim's. The gentleman is not there. He's probably being horrifically tortured. Jiminy John's!

He probably actually lost his penis at this point. He actually probably must have had his attack. Can you imagine how horrifically tortured he is? As Chong Li is lifted up and he's like, I don't even have to argue. I should wheel myself forward. Well, thank you, young lady.

Well, let's keep going. So I'll just kind of grab him by the arm and just lead him. It's a fantasy rascal. He has to be pulled along. He can't move on his own. Well, I'll take the pretty young lady and he'll take your arm and you'll pull him around the city. And I would say as sunset falls over Zantra,

You finally arrive at the last one that Revali had marked out. Stinkasaurus! Oh, thank you for the bonus! Stinkasaurus! That we can renounce. That's Kelsey's favorite Stinkasaurus. Who fucking hacked my name? Stinkasaurus. Stinkasaurus is so nice. Thank you. Stinkasaurus is the best. No, no, no, no. You're Stinkopotamus. I am Stinkopotamus. That's true. That's true. Yikes. Yikes. That's a yikes for me dog. Yikes, ladies and gentlemen. Anyway, we're at the last one.

You're the last one. And you arrive and it's once again a stable. All the animals have gone. And once again, I'll just say for the sake of brevity, you all help lift it open. These holders go in 1,500 feet this time and they collapse the tunnel and you hear the loud breaking and cracking of stone as everything is collapsed in. And you make your way back out. And...

That's the last of the areas that you know of. That we're currently aware of. And as you're all, as you finish, he's like, oh, finally. It's the last one. Well, let's all go back to the Citadel and we can all have a rest. And with that, you see a silver raven fly up and lay on his shoulder and lean down and...

That's the best. That is the best raven noise I've ever heard. That is not a raven, Derek. That's an ocelot. Oh yeah, silver ocelot. Flies down. With its monkey wings. A weak monkey's log.

It's monkey tail, it's monkey wings. This is Wicked the Musical. The Wizard of Ventra. Yeah, and it flies down and it starts to... And you see a grimace on his face, his ruddy face at this point. He's like, oh, it looks like they found other stables that was owned by subsidiaries of the... The, uh...

What the fuck is his name? Wallstrom Newspaper Company. But you lads have it all. And he gestures to all of the soldiers. You guys have all of the coordinates. You know where it is. Here you go. And he writes everything down. And he rolls it up. And he hands it to a second in command who grabs it and reads it and nods. There seems to be a little bit of...

The spellcasters seem to be a bit weary as well as they've been, they've collapsed four tunnels.

However, they seem very resolute and dutiful in their... There's only three more tunnels that they know of, and so they get all of that, and they nod, and Charlie turns to all of you. Is he still levitating, I guess? I forgot about him! He has the last quarter of his John Jims or Jimothy Johns. Jimothy. That's a boss. He eats his sandwich as he levitates away. He's like...

Yeah. Yeah. It's going to age really well. Yeah. It's going to age really well.

Sorry. Thank you for putting up with us, Mike. Chat, get yourself a DM that puts up with your bullshit. Oh my god, yes. Highly recommend. Tony turns on you, he's levitating, he's finishing. He finished the last of his sandwich. He checks for speed. He still hasn't eaten. He's like,

Let's just do it. Okay. All in accordance. I feel like we're good here. Nothing bad is going to happen. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Insane. I love that guy. A lot. A lot. He seems to believe what he's saying. But he is not the DM. He seems to believe what he's saying. He says, well, nothing's going to happen. I'm just all overblown anyway. So this is the last tunnel that we know of. That we know of. We've just received more coordinates. And they are going, he's given the information to the soldiers that are going to then continue without him.

Listen, Shumlee, that is a really callous way to describe the situation. We are in really dire straits here. There is an army of giant beastmen coming towards Zentra right now. Closing these tunnels is one of the most important things we can do in addition to defending the perimeter. I know, that's why I've taught people on it. These people. Good luck. Do you know what their names are? Of course I do! I gotta go! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Yeah, there's Jimmy and Johnny and Jonathan. And Jimothy and Timothy. And Jimothy. And then there's... Jimmy, Jimmy, and Louie and the news. And then at the very end, there's Horton. Horton. Horton. He finds one of those motes that's floating around. So you're telling me that they're your top men, and you're not even aware of what their names are. I know what their names are, but I will not say that I'm not playing this game.

That's fine. Why don't you get some rest and we'll make sure that the rest of these tunnels get done. Yes. It's been a pleasure. I've very much enjoyed your company. It's been an honor to be in your presence, General. And I will make sure not to let High Commander Zern know what an alcoholic you are. Oh, shit! Shit! God, my teeth are shivering now!

Natural 20! - Gotta give it up. - Gotta give it up. - Oh my god, thank you. - Oh my god. - You said a persuasion check or an intimidation check? 23. - 23. - He looks up, "Well, Denilson, trust my abilities." And, oh.

Good luck, as you were, man. And he turns and he... Floats away. He floats away. He can't float away. He gets in his car and he drives away.

What kind of car, Mike? Ford Fiesta. It's always a Ford Fiesta. Or Nick's Emo should literally be a Ford Fiesta. Fucking Ford. Oh my God. You know what Ford stands for? That triggers me because I drive a Ford and it's fire.

- So is my fiance. - So broken, I hate that car. - Anyway. - Ford Fiesta with a blue light. - Japanese cars ladies and gentlemen, highly recommend them. - So I'll say for the sake of brevity. - And food. - Food is here. - Food is arrived. - All finished.

You all finish collapsing all of the tunnels. How many throughout the entire city? Eight tunnels. One in each district. We're being given all eight. Eight tunnels. One in each district. Damn. Perfect. And you eventually find them, the ones that Revali could not even find himself. Wow. And as you make your way back. You're a nice DM. I do what I can.

You make your way back and you arrive escorted by this large group of soldiers. As you're making your way, you hear the ch-ch-ch of the gate opening. You hear, all from a distance, a brrrrrrrr over the walls as a loud blaring war horn echoes over the walls and you hear the din of panicked individuals as you...

as shouting happens all around the walls. - Expects nothing from me, I talked to Rivoli too much today. - As you are escorted quickly in, you make your way through the winding halls of the Citadel, and you get higher and higher and higher, and as finally you get to your quarters, you see a window looking over the massive forest of the Clockwood. You just see, as far as you can see,

torch fires, campfires all throughout the woods as trees are dispersed and a blazing of fire all throughout. It seems as if the Horned Legion has arrived near Zentra and you're all level seven. Yuck!

- Do we get like a long rest maybe? Cause you're really crying DM and I cast the name twice. - I will say you all settle down and we'll, you all get a long rest and you'll discuss in the morning. - Okay. - Yeah.

Fucking raw. There we go. - We're getting a long rest in addition to-- - Level seven. - Oh shit. - I love you, Mike. Thank you so much. - Hell yeah. - Thank you so much. - You are now in your rooms. You've been told to stay inside, to prepare, and you will be fetched in the morning as the military prepares for battle. You are now all in your room, and what are you guys doing?

Thank you. I'll say that if you guys want to roleplay a little bit this evening to discuss the horned legion has arrived, we'll just say mechanically you've enjoyed a long rest, but we'll just say it's the evening before you've enjoyed that long rest and you hear the stay inside the garrison is mobilizing.

Are they going to go fight the war right now? No, not right now. We will march out in the morning. You will be joining the High General. Okay. Great. Thank you for this news. And the door shuts and locks. I don't know about you guys, but I feel pretty good. Yeah? Do we level up now? Or do we level up when we wake up? You feel a little better out there? You're level up, yeah. Okay. Well, no, I just feel...

Like I'm talking, not like myself. I gotta get back into it. Alright, there we go. Oh jeez, Derek. Can you make me some chicken fricassee there, Mark? Chicken fricassee porchetta. I'm not sure what you mean there. No, I just, I feel a flutter there.

It's the meatballs. It's definitely the meatballs. Well, it's all about the meatballs. I'm all about the meatballs. You seem like you've had a little too much jello salad. No, there's never enough jello salad. You better take that back, Capricci. I guess there's always room for it. There's always room for jello salad. In fact, I think I might fetch some before we go out to battle. That being said, we should come up with a game plan. Well, I think our game plan is defend the High General. I can't believe after all this time...

The whole legion's right outside this window. And I go over and I look out. Do I see like individual, like do I see giants or is it more just sort of like far off campfires? You just see far off through the woods. Fire. Massive horde. Fires. Trees being knocked over. Things rolling through the forest. Massive blazes. Strange, sickening, demonic, devilish.

lights coming from the forest and then approaching the large rocky plains that separates the forest from Zandra. I'm going to let you guys know that because I feel stronger, you should try to stick within 10 feet of me for not only the previous benefits of my aura of devotion, but now I've got a different aura that does not means you cannot be charmed as long as you're within 10 feet of my charming self. Does that only affect allies or should I not try to charm people who are close to you?

No, it's just for allies. You mean like, enemies? Well, like if you were standing next to somebody and I were to suggest something to them or do something charm-a-fee, then... Well, if you try to charm me, it wouldn't work. No, I wouldn't try to do that, absolutely. So you're immune to all charms ever? No one can ever charm Huja? Yeah, as long as you are within 10 feet of me, you also take that effect. That's great. Thank you for letting us know. Your will is so strong. I'm very impressed. Empowered by Morden.

That's nice. So I guess we just... Hopefully there are enough soldiers in this city to beat all of this back. I can't...

I can't fathom that we can win this, but... I'm not so much worried for the soldiers. I mean, these walls are strong, they've stood for thousands of years, and I assume that there are some pretty good protocols and lessons learned that they can apply to this siege. I'm worried about the people who are just outside of the city. I hope they all made it inside the walls and were able to find safety and their own homes.

Do you think they would even let them in the walls? That's a good question. They might be scraping at the wooden gates at this point right now. Would we be able to see any little towns or outcroppings right outside the walls or anything like that? I would say make a perception check, please. Okay. Yeah, I see.

i think i'm back into my phone i think i'm back in the accents it's hard after meatball perception you say one of the rings toothbrush cheeks that's a four a four you look out and you see flickering lights out on the planes here and there but it's hard to discern i realize i'm looking through a candle it's hard to discern exactly what you're looking at for sure cool okay

Is this before we're taking a long rest? Did we decide that? Well, if anyone wants to turn into a small beast or something, I can make that happen. If anyone has any weird fantasies about that, I'd be... Do you want to turn into a blue jay? You can converse with Beatrice. She's a blue bird, not a blue jay. I'm sorry. Thank you, Toa. You said what... I'm just going to leave it at that. It's a sensitive subject. I would just respect Beatrice's blue bird nature. Yeah, no, I just misspoke.

How tall is the room? Probably 10 foot. Dirt a mineral substance. Fuck. Now that's a bad thing. It says metal stone or another mineral substance. Dirt would be like obviously a bunch of minerals, but it's not like...

We're also leveling up apparently. I'm just thinking metaphysically, philosophically I'm doing Toa thoughts about what constitutes mineral substance. What's the difference between dirt and a mineral substance? What's the definition of dirt? What's the definition of dirt? Well, I think we need to get some rest. We obviously have perhaps a battle on our hands tomorrow or

Or we at least need to converse with General Zurn. Hi, General Zurn. And before we sleep, I would like to ask a question of my friends. It's going to be big. I have the ability to prepare new spells in the morning. And I'm between two should we get into a fight. Mm-hmm.

Would you prefer that I was able to curse one of the enemies and maybe make them a little more clumsy in their attacks against us? I love cursing. Would you prefer if I could shroud us in a magical circle which would make them, more of them, more difficult to hit us? I couldn't get into it. Mechanically is it like magic circle versus bestow curse? Yes, it is.

Well, remember that Magic Circle takes a whole minute to cast. I think if I remember correctly reading of a Felix show. It is true, but... Foot, foot, foot, foot, foot, foot. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's right! It does take a bit longer to cast, so it would be beneficial if we had the ability to do it beforehand. But would not be so beneficial in the heat of battle. Hmm.

I think that what do you feel more inclined to do? I think Magic Circle would be a bit of just totally out of character, totally would have no idea out of this. I think Magic Circle is a more, probably a better option, me personally. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Thank you. Now I'd like to go to sleep. Good night, then. Well, before everyone goes to sleep. No, good night. I want to introduce you guys to someone. Oh, dear God, is this another non-talking sentient weapon? It could be a weapon.

Introduce us to you. It could talk. I'm gonna back away a couple steps. Yeah, I think you should back away. Before we take a long rest, I want to summon my steed. Jesus. How much space do we have in here? That's what I was asking. So we'll see how this works. Gonna be tight. So I am summoning a musk ox. Oh, good. Yeah! No!

it's a big fluffy it's a giant of hair i try to find a good picture of it here we go i changed my mind i take banish it's like a fluffy magic exactly what you pictured today how long does it take you for to summon that

Is it like instant? I think Feinstein is instant, right? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So I just. Poof. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Mer. Or whatever. My card game. Everything just tumbles over. Clean. And it's just like this poofy monstrosity of insects. Shit, shit, shit, shit. And so I walk up to it proudly because this is the first time I've seen it as well. Like love and tears in my eyes. And I'm going to put a hand on the back and pat it. I say, this is Peyton.

She's my axe. She's pretty cool. - Is this the same axe that you had at home? - Yeah. - You just summoned her through the ether? - How did you do this? I had this for a while, but I didn't really have a good opportunity to summon her before, because we were kind of in like a labyrinth sort of place, and I just didn't feel like it was appropriate. So you waited until you were in a tiny bedroom? Yeah, I felt...

It's like knocking shoes. It's like poking holes in the mattress. Felix is standing on the headboard of his bed, like up against the wall with pen and paper like, I am literally stunned with what you are capable of doing. Standing on my viol. No! Splintered wood. No, she's really friendly. I'm in the corner like...

So I just didn't want you guys to be afraid if I decide to, you know, have it. Well, this was not the way to do it. What kind of magic is this? She's very cute. I'm not sure this is the best time or place for it. No, this is definitely the time. It's nice to meet you, Peyton. You're very fluffy. And I'll give her a pat. Can she understand us? Yeah, I'll come up and pat her. I don't know much about fine steam. What does it do? So I can write on her. Can we milk it?

I haven't tried, maybe. If Peyton sounds kind of like a guy's name, I guess? I don't know if milking it would be wise or not. So my question is... I have nipples, Iris. Can you milk me? My cousin's name is... Not my cousin, my... I guess... Family member has a daughter named Peyton. So yes, it can't be used as a female name. So yeah, this is Peyton. Holy... I didn't know you were capable of such...

Magic, this is incredible. I know, I didn't think I was capable either, which is why I was waiting until this precise moment to cast it. Before we went to bed. Interesting. Is he going to be here all night? It's a she. Her name's Peyton. Is Peyton going to be here all night? Well, I figure I'd dismiss her so she doesn't, you know, crowd the room. Oh, you can do that. Yeah. Yeah.

Does she go back into a pocket? She is a celestial creature, so she goes back to wherever that is. So this isn't the P.E.D.E. No, this is a celestial version of P.E.D.E. Oh, okay. That I have summoned that looks exactly like her. No, I think that's really

I know, I have a little friend that keeps me company now. In the reality of Peyton's mind, did she just suddenly become an is? Or is she from the heavens? We don't talk about that very much when it comes to familiars and created creatures. I turn to Peyton and telepathically ask her how she's doing. She, uh...

She's able to understand you, but she's not like, doesn't have an ascension creature, like, oh, I'm fine. She doesn't like respond. No, no, no. You're just able to give commands telepathically. She said she likes all of you guys and she's doing great. She's a liar.

Don't say that. You didn't hear that. No, I was talking about you, not the office. Sure. Thanks for the follow-up. Nacho cheese? Nacho cheese? It's nacho cheese, and who's this? Yeah, then whose cheese is it? That's the question. Thank you, 9966. We appreciate it.

can flavor it so she's got a little silvery wisps coming out of her hooves oh that's nice she's running hooves she's a hoofy wisp so Hayden is in the room she's kind of like trying not to knock over everything she's like that bull from the last unicorn I

I don't know what that is, but she's like an ox in a-- You are not my friend anymore. She's an ox in a tiny review. That's what she's like. So for your added character for stats, do I take one of these five or do I look up like ox something similar stats for-- You can reskin-- I mean, that's what we did. We reskinned it based on what was available.

I was supposed to look that up. Let me take a gander real quick, what you guys will play, and I will let you know. Think about it. Okay. I will let you know. Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to sleep. I'm pretty tired. If Peyton doesn't mind, I'm like shoving the ox out of my bed a little bit. Like, let me just squeeze in here under the sheets.

Yeah, that's fine. Okay, Peyton, I'll see you tomorrow. Alright, goodnight. And I boop her away. She disappears. Goes back to her celestial realms.

Felix is just like, "This has been quite the day," and just rolls over. Oh, it absolutely lingers, yes, that's 100% sure. Even as a Celestial Musk, Ox? She has gotten a Celestial Musk, so it lingers as a Celestial Musk. It's very bright and tangy and citrusy, but it still has that underlying, like, taste. It's where the smell stops, but you keep wanting to smell it a little. Yep.

Alright, well I just wanted you guys to meet her. Thank you for introducing me. She's very nice. Thank you. She's good with people and good with children. That's great. At least I think so. I don't think we're fighting outside of the city walls. I assume we're just going to be with... Well, if I need to throw myself off the edge of a, you know, a barracks at any point and land on my feet or in a crowd of Kenku, then I'll definitely summon her. Why? Why?

Because I already did that. So I might do it again. Because it was fun. Oh no, but like if you're falling, would you take less damage if you found her? No, I would still land on my shield. But I would then summon her after if I needed to trample over people in a very cool fashion. Oh, that's a good idea. That's fine. That sounds badass. Yeah. A dream. Okay. I got that. Good night. You do that. Yeah. Sweet dreams. And everyone enjoys a long rest. Whoa. You are awoken in the morning.

by a loud knock at your door. Oh my god, that fucking ox. What is it doing? I open my eyes. Oh, it's not here. What is that? So, it's the dwarf. Never mind. It smells and lingers. Come in.

The door opens and you see another soldier and he pokes his head in and says, "The general is awaiting you. "The high general, he wants to see you." He's very shaken. "The battle will be commencing today. "Everyone seal yourselves." And he says, "We'll wait outside, please be quick." And he closes the door. Oh boy. All right, well, I believe I have my things. I'm ready. Yeah, let's do this.

Why not ready?

I have faith in you. We have an entire city's... the biggest military nation in the entire continent. We have their army behind us. That means absolutely nothing against the hordes that we're facing. They're really more of a round-off. Perhaps that's true. Are we being sieged yet? I'll look out the window to see...

You look outside and the gray gloom of the Korovakian morning, your eyes get adjusted to consciousness, surveys the scene and you see the massive...

force ahead of you and you start to see right on the edge the movement of large shapes. It's these massive swarms and hordes directly on the southern side of the city that all seem to be amassing. You start to see that there seems to be formations getting assembled, ready to march very shortly. So not yet, I guess is the answer. The battle has not begun.

Not to say that I'm scared, really, it's just inconvenient and I haven't had enough time to wake up properly. I think we should go and take a glass of water and dump it on her face. Now do you feel properly awoken? I suppose. Also, I'm not quite sure if that was water or ox urine. Either way, let's away, please.

Why you would be keeping Oxion in a glass, I will not ask, but let me know. No, I wasn't. I just found it on the ground, and I was unsure. I'm going to look bleedingly in inertia. Maya, there is an Ox set block that is from Volo, so just Google 5e Ox, and that is what we can use. All right. It's about the same CR as some of the others on there, so that's perfect. Oh, that's nice.

- We follow whoever is leading us to the thing. - Okay. - Cheeky Joe. - You open the door and you're led through the Citadel as you hear the loud, hurried footsteps echoing through the hallways as soldiers are marching and rushing through. As you pass windows, you see that you hear the loud calls.

from well beneath you as regiments of soldiers begin to walk along the walls and head towards the battlements as there are massive siege weapons all starting to get loaded and equipped and ready to fire on the scene below. However, as you see outside the large gates being raised as soldiers start to form, get into formation outside of the walls.

and you are guided upwards and upwards and upwards, and you are brought to the massive doors where you had been before, where you had fought, Diamante Cujada. And you are ushered inside, and you see High General Zurn standing at the center. He is...

petting his raven as he turns to you as you enter. You see that the table that had been smashed by Kujata has now been repaired. And there is a large map with a variety of different large finely crafted wooden tokens all in different formations. And you see that there is a

box, finely polished box, and Zurn turns to you. And he says, the time has come to test your might as well as my own to see if I'm still as good in battle as I remember. Yeah, I'm ready. Let's do this. Where are we headed? To border of order, sir. Well, my engineers and my top wizards

have been poring over the plans for those infernal machines since you brought them to my attention. And I can safely say that if they arrive to the walls, they will immediately smash through. So it is up to the military, and it's up to us, to ensure that none of those hellish devices make their way to the walls, or thousands will die.

And they will be expecting us to hide behind the walls. And once they roll up those machines, they'll burst through, slaughter the entire city. But we have knowledge. They do not know that we know. We will meet them on the fields outside of the city. We will smash their hordes. We will smash their infernal machines.

But there's also something you must know about those horrible engines. From everything we know, it seems as if their horrible weapons built into these constructs is to fail you in battle. Your soul will be theirs.

What? It's usually their thing. In character, that... is this a common thing? When it comes to the devilish variety, the infernal variety, they usually own our ship of souls comes with the bargain. What do they do? Are the souls powering these machines? I do not know. All I know is what's in the plans.

And if you are slain by their weapons, you have but moments to bring life back before it is torn away forever. These machines are meant to kill as many people as possible and to destroy any buildings that hide those that would

seek to avoid eternal damnation. Do we have any way to bring people back? I mean, I don't have the magic. I do have magic myself. I try to use it sparingly as the Raven Queen should receive souls when it is their time. Many soldiers will die this day. And so if hundreds of thousands of soldiers die, that means that

For all of those hundreds of thousands, their soul is gone? Is it taken? If they are slain by the hellish engines, yes. But only by the engines, not by just some rank-and-file beast person. I do not believe so, but they're...

There may be things that I am not even aware of. Bless you. Thank you. That may be the trick then, is to disable these machines so that we can send as many souls that, if they happen to be taken from their hosts to the Raven Queen as possible. Would we have gotten a rough idea of the number of machines by looking out the window? They're still all behind the tree line. It's difficult to make it out.

What do you mean? Ditto.

As will the Raven Queen. These beasts think that they can crush us by the superior number and the superior force.

but we have the blessing of the gods on our side. We have the ingenuity of humanity. - I would like to, can, because that happened, can we take a playbook out of the magical girl one shot we did? And I would like to summon the Sphinx to battle for us. - Yeah! - That's the waifu! We have enough to do that. - There you go, that's exactly what I was gonna say. - You can send 10 twists of fate to summon the Sphinx. - I wish. It's gonna be fucking rad.

You see now that High General Zurn, in the same outfit that he was wearing before, it's just as polished and perfectly put together as it has been. He seems ready for combat. As he gestures over to the box on the table, and he says, "There are a few items for you there to hopefully aid in your survival. This will be a brutal fight. Keep an eye on me and I will keep an eye on you."

Yes, sir. But I will say on the battlefield, do not get in my way. And you will survive. You'll have a higher chance of surviving that way. Yes, sir. Understood, sir. Yes. I will stop at nothing to protect the city. And hypothetically, if you are to fall? Then all is doomed. Okay. Retreat and evacuate. I will watch you closely. I do not believe it is Anubis' will that you shall fall today.

I do not believe I will fall to die either. I appreciate... That was a Freudian slip, I'm afraid. I believe so. Who? There, I will not fall this day. And neither will any of you. Whoever is ultimately orchestrating this, whatever fiend from beyond the planes has their eyes set on Zentra, they will fail. And it will be the seven of us here that will deal the kill and blow.

Collect your things, my wings, and we will slaughter every last one of these foul creatures. Yes, sir. And he strides past you, and he nods down at the box and leaves. The room is like, I will be waiting at the base of the Citadel. We will march out together. Holy fuck. We'll be right down. Yeah, we'll be right there. I need but one moment. You have one.

I will see you soon. And his coat billows behind him. As he leaves the room, the door is shut. You're alone for a moment. Lufti, come to me, darling.

No, turn around. I don't want to spend time with you. I need to get you to my pack. I pull out my Anubis headdress and I put it on. I start to don my priestess regalia. Oh, God!

My buckler and everything. I'm significantly lightened by like the weight of this like, I'm sure. It's like pure gold gems. It weighs more than you do. Oh, have you been holding that this whole time? I've worn it. Yes. There's a lot of stuff in there. I must have missed it. It's so cool.

Cool! Why have you never worn this before? I wore it in the Trials of the Raven Queen. Oh, you did? Yes. Yeah, I remember it that very specifically. To be fair, I was pretty distracted in the whole Raven Queen thing. It was also in a lot of shadows, so you didn't get to see a glint in the sun. That's true. It is quite impressive. Watch, and I'll go stand by the window and just kind of... And you see, like, the gold shining off of it. Ding, ding!

I do minor allusion to make like an audience like, "Ooooh!" Oh, that's right! Where's that coming from? Capri! That's me. Look at you, you cheeky bastard. I do have cheeks. Now, Lufty. Oh, gross. Lufty. Wait, I'm watching you so you kind of... What do I do? Haja, come here. Don't make me wait! I see she wants more! Okay, okay, okay. Come. And I grab both of their hands awkwardly. Now, look.

I don't think- *stutters*

I need you to watch over the men. They are not nearly as capable... Oh, don't listen. They're not nearly as capable as we are. Caprice is... I'm not sure if he drinks, but I believe he is a drunkard. Felix, I don't believe that he will handle things well. And Toa is... What? Not as smart as everybody else is. So we need to watch them. And I will look over all of you like a mother would her... What is a disgusting farm creature that a mother would look over? Persia, I'm talking to you. Like a goose? Yes, I will be like a mother goose. Ah!

- To all of you. - Perfect, I was meaning to say I know you were. - To all of you, what is the plural for goose? Goose? Goose sign? - I think it's goose sign. - Guys. - A confusion of goose. - Guys. - Guys. - To all of you guys. - That's it, yes. - And that is all I'm saying. - Well, that's happening. - Well, they're like having their little like, you know, I'm just gonna look at the gentleman and be like, "Uh, guy, I guess we should be doing the same thing.

I've seen a lot of people die. That's good. No, no, I mean, I... No, it's while you guys are talking. I almost died. Even better. Do the best you can to survive. I'll look out for you, Tala. Caprice, I'll do what I can. I'm going to stop at nothing to protect this city, and we're going to kill those machines. We're going to kill as many vile beastmen as we can. Yeah.

Of course, I don't... Is there a... Is she casting a prayer or something? Well, I'm going to look as cool as Anrish does, and I'm going to go in my back. No! And I'm going to pull out the tiki mask that I got in the lodge. Fucking cool! And equip my big, with like a big kind of warrior face on it. I'll put my mask of haunting that has like the wooden painted feathers and like a big kind of scary face on it. Looking at Toa do that, I'm going to go, Oh, Toa, you...

You should have led this speech. Do I look cool? Do I look as cool as Captain Freeway? Oh, man, that's a hard compliment. And I high-five Tela. Yes! As that happens, I turn around. Oh, my God, one of them has made it in. Kill it! No, it's me. It's me. No, it's me. With that, I cast aid, and you guys all have an additional five hit points. Max HP is raised. Not HIV, but full-blown aid. For the next...

Oh, are we doing cool costumes now? I'll make myself look like an ocelot and I'm not even going to use any magic. I'm just literally going to do what I'm about to do. But you're going to look like not an ocelot. Oh! That's... That's disgustingly good. I don't...

I'm not a fan of what you're doing right now. I don't believe that's what an ocelot looks like. I do not think that means what you think it means. I had a moment. I grew up in the city. I know exactly what an ocelot is. Someone is lying to you.

I just don't even know anymore. Let's get down there and let's fucking take care of business. Wait, wait, before we go. The box of items! Yes, let's root through it so we'll root through the box of items. Oh shit. Let's root through it. What if Abe gave us plus five, but what if... Plus, it's five maximum hit points, so your max goes up by five. Those hit points, so your full hit points plus an additional five. You find three spell scrolls.

Lightning Bolt, Shatter, and Thunder Wave. I believe these are for you, and I hand them to Phoenix. I'll shuffle through them quick. What is it? Lightning Bolt, Shatter, and... I'll take the Thunder Wave and go, well, actually, I already know this one, so someone else should hold on to this. Who can cast it? I mean, I've got Thunder Wave, too. If anyone can else hold on to this, I'll put it back on the table. I'm not sure if I'm capable. I don't believe... It's not on my spell list. What level is it?

Thunder Wave is level two, I think. Thunder Wave is level one. Wait, really? I have Thunder Smite, but I can't cast Thunder Wave. You might be right. Okay, and then six potions of Superior Healing. Fuck yeah. We each get one. You get one potion of Fire Breath. Each? Or just one? One potion of Heroism, one potion of Growth, one potion of Diminution.

One potion of resistance. Don't put that in the water. Oh god, this must be a bad fight. And one bag of holding. I take that immediately and put it on my side. Yeah, good, because I hate tracking that shit. What was the HP level? Uh, five. No, the superior was... Resistance, diminution, growth, heroism, fire wisdom. And superior does how much healing?

Superior does... 44. Oh, it's superior. 84. 84? Doesn't it? 84 plus 8? Yep. Holy shit, that's the good stuff. So superior growth, resistance, diminution, heroism, fire breath? Yep. We should, um... Let's figure out who gets switched. Oh, fuck yes. Well, I already have heroism prepared, so that won't help much. What does resistance do? Because that might be really good for me. You roll a random die and you become resistant to that kind of damage. Oh, that's what growth does. Makes you big.

You want to be big? Do I? Big lady? Yeah, I do. I think that's a perfect one for Lipton. She gets right in their face. She might be a little more intimidating if she weren't in dwarfish stature. I think if I use it...

And they have a huge, just mechanically, I count as large when it comes to like doing stuff in combat. So if they have a huge thing, you'd be able to grab it. I might not use it today, but I always use my bonus action. So I would take the fire breath. I will refrain from taking any of these.

I will leave them up to you. She says as she hides the bagel holding. I agree. I just need the superior healing, and you guys giving me these scrolls is more than generous. Yeah, take the scrolls. Thank you. I can't learn from them. Of course. I think, again, I'm happy to take anything or nothing. Perhaps we just save them, and if there's a huge creature out on the battlefield, perhaps it makes sense that I grow big so that I can at least maybe handle it somehow. Take the growth. All right.

What does Diminition do? I assume it's similar to what Frost does. I believe it is, yeah. It just makes you tiny. It's not the same as... But doesn't increase your AC. No, it's not. You could take Diminition. It's really only good for getting into small places, because I think there are certain disadvantages to being small. Let's just meta this real quick. I will take the Firebrow. Okay. Perfect. Yeah, whoever would be close enough and doesn't use their bonus action every turn...

I'm already resistant to poison, so if, I mean, I don't know what you would roll for for the resistance potion, because I'm not familiar with it, but, uh. Zoran, I think it's 1d6? Yeah. It's a 1d8, I think. Oh, wow. I'll take whatever's left over. I believe that the resistance potion might, uh, benefit our wizards.

I've seen him melt in combat. It's true, that might be good for him. No offense, Felix, but it is. Unfortunately, it gives you a resistance. But it's a random damage type. I'll take it, but there's not going to be much time for me to be using things like that. There are better ways that I could be spending my time. It takes but a bonus action.

I'm letting you know out of character, it will be rare that I will spend a bonus action to drink a potion, unless I have to. Potion of Heroism gives you 10 temporary hit points, lasts for an hour, and for the same duration, you're under the effect of Bless, no concentration required. Yeah, that one's good. That one's good. I would like to take that one if no one needs it. Please, please do. But if anybody needs one, then they may have it. I'll take whatever's left on me. I think either you or Lufty, because Lufty makes many attacks. Lufty's on me. You take this.

just in case I cannot watch you this potion of heroism you are my hero today mechanically adding a 1d4 to every 3-4 attacks per turn is very good I think you are absolutely right

Okay, so everybody has a potion? Yeah, I just can't find in D&D Beyond, it doesn't say what it normally costs me to copy spells into my book, but both Lightning Bolt and Shatter are evocations, so it takes me half the time in cost. I just don't know what they are. So it's one hour per level of the spell, and it is 25 gold, because you do everything in half.

So it's normally two hours. 50 for spell level. Yeah, I thought it was like 100-something gold. It's two hours per spell level, and then it's 50 cents. I'm just shocked it's not under my wizard features and stuff. It's in game rules, so if you go to that. I had to look it up recently because I got a bunch of spells. I'll deduct it from my gold and stuff. I just didn't know. So do we want to put the Thunder Wave in the deck?

I can look it up if you... It's okay. I just didn't know. Diminution. I guess either way, would Felix have enough time to intcribe it now? Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. No. You probably do not. Right, because he said we have a moment, right? So either way, even if it took half an hour... It's fine. Would I have enough time to summon Peyton's ten minutes? I would say you probably would wait until after you're actually getting ready to get on the battlefield. Okay. So we pull up the other... The Thunder Wave and the...

Yeah, I can't use Thunder Wave. Thank you, though. Okay. I'm going to put Bag of Golden. So, copying a spell into your book. When you find a wizard spell first level higher, you can add it to your spell book. If it is of a level for which you have spell slots, and if you can spare the time to decipher and copy it. It costs two hours

for each spell level and 50 gold. Right. If they're evocation, that's half. Right. It was a flat thing, though. It doesn't scale based on the spell. No. For each level of the spell. For each level of the spell. So it's level two spell and would take four hours and 100 gold. Okay, so we're talking six hours and 150 gold. It takes time.

And it's going to be half of that. And then I just look up shatter. Don't stop on my account. If you're close to being ready, then I would say let's dive down. I'm ready. Let's go. All right, everybody, let's go fucking do this. Are you ready? So who took potion of diminution? It's in the bag of holding. It's in the bag. That's fine. So you gather all the things and you are escorted down through...

the Citadel. And rather than the ground level, you are brought out through a massive archway to the outside. You hear the churning of wheels, the grinding of...

Thank you. The grinding of metal and creaking of wood as you hear the loud footsteps and marching of soldiers hurriedly walking. You hear the raising and lowering of gates as you find yourself walking along the massive inner walls.

of the city. You walk along the walls, the inner walls, as you head towards the southern side of the city. Or as you make your way, the massive rocky fields stretching out, stretching out miles to the forest is now starting to become more and more populous with rows and rows and rows and rows and rows of soldiers.

As you are walking past dozens of installments of artillery, as massive trebuchets, ballistas, whole battalions of wizards and war priests are all along the walls, their hands are glowing, they're preparing for all-out war. As you make your way to the very edge of the city, over the massive walls that protect all

of the civilians inside from the invading hordes. You see, standing, his coat billowing in the wind, his arms slung out, his hand gripping pensively

the pommel of his greatsword. You see High General Zurn surveying the marching soldiers getting information. As he looks and as you stand beside him, you hear a brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The smashing of war drums, the horns of war. As you start to see figures emerge from the forest off in the distance. - I wanna turn towards Felix. Felix, rain hellfire down upon their head. - All I do is very, very solemnly nod in agreement. - You see a sea of creatures, humanoids,

covered in hair, small horns, sharp teeth, wild eyes. This reminds you of the human that had been suffering from the Beast Plague. As thousands of them emerge from the forest, you see that their feet have been replaced by hooves. With them, massive, hulking, bull-like minotaurs, goat-like creatures. You see them lumbering out of the forest.

Creatures that look familiar to you. Massive, bloated forms. Fleshy, but covered in hair ogres. Riding massive horned beasts flanked by huge, ferocious cats. All of them are covered in thick, dark hair. And even the cats now have thick black horns pointing upwards.

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the ogres riding their horned beasts. Even the ogres now are covered in the thick quartz hair, huge horns riding their massive beasts. You hear the loud bang of the horned hounds that you encountered in Myths of Crows Crossing with the scorpion-like tails. You see a myth creature that you hadn't encountered before, the thundering of hooves as quadrupedal

Creatures. But with humanoid-like torsos. Centaur-looking creatures, but with massive black horns all covered in hair, thundering towards the city. And you then start to see the trees bend and break as massive lumbering, bloated hill giants crash through

The forest, once again, covered in fur and horns. What size are hill giants? Huge. Okay. Nice. And... Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! Amidst these, you start to see horrible, almost glowing in putrid postulates and fiendish light, demonic-looking creatures thundering forward on...

Me too. On four limbs as these hairy horn creatures slavering. The sky starts to darken as winged creatures, small,

but incredibly numerous, fly forward. They're small, they have these whipping scorpion-like tails as creatures that are also centaur-like but far more vicious, demonic, not even armed in anything, just with claws and sheer hatred. Their hands glowing with lightning are thundering forward as this massive force of beastmen, demons, and several devils start to thunder forward. And then

Fabio?

Basically. Like 60 year old Fabio. Not the 200 year old Fabio that we currently have. What the fuck? A bird runs into his face and it explodes. And you see a man in full plate as he looks over the field and his hand glows with this bright red energy.

And he calls out, and his voice magically booms across the walls. Jesus Lord Almighty. "Gorovakians! Death and hell march upon this city! They mean to slaughter every man, woman, and child in our entire country!

And it will not end there. They will take our souls and who knows what. Raise a foul beast. Raise our city. Raise our citadel. And perhaps, once Korovaki has fallen, the rest of Avantris as well will fall. We are the last line. It is up to you brave men and women to stand against the darkness. To stand against the hellfire. We have...

the blessing of the Raven Queen upon us. We stand beneath her dark wings. We are all blessed. Today is the day we defeat the beasts and send them back from whence they came. Phocentra! And he reaches back and pulls out his massive greatsword. It stands in the air and glows with this incredible red energy, and you hear a boom of thunder.

as the entire thousands and thousands, tens of thousands of soldiers let out a huge cheer and begin to march forward against this massive wave of oncoming demons, devils, and beast creatures. And he holds out his sword and glows with this crazy energy. And he turns over his shoulder to look at all of you. All of you.

You are with me. Yes, sir. And he runs forward and you see him disappear down a staircase on this battlement. And he runs down. I'll take that for him. Sam? I'm going to do that and I'm going to yell, This is Zetra! Yes!

Can I cast Major Armor on myself during his speech and all that stuff? Yeah, I'll say. I'll say. I'll say you're a waste of round. Yes, I want to know a waste of round if possible. Since the last eight hours, I'm just going to wait until the battle is starting. Seeing giants, once we get down to an open area, I'm going to down the potion of giant strength, or giant growth, whatever.

Once we get down there, I'll probably start channeling Peyton and summoning Steve. Okay. I'll say that you're all able to prepare however you would like. You hear a loud as a large musk ox appears in a flash of a glowing molten energy. And then you just see an ox. She's ready to be mounted.

and you see a shimmering armor appear on Felix. I forget what Toa's doing. - The growth. - Giant potion. - I forget what Toa's doing. - Toa's on a mash. - I'm gonna drain my hair. - It's gonna last two hours. - Okay. - It's gonna be four hours. - And I'm gonna drink gray hair with some potion. - You see Toa down this potion, and he gets bigger and bigger and bigger until this already huge man is now

looming the size of these massive minotaurs that you fought before. Good lord. As...

You all... You're powerful. Easy, buddy. You all walk forward and march forward. And General Zurn walks through these rows and rows and rows of soldiers. You follow directly behind him as they are all marching forward. And as the soldiers begin to pick up their march into a run, you see Zurn start to...

hold out his sword and he turns into a full sprint. And as you are all facing this massive swarm of creatures that are all thundering towards you, you see Xurn veer off to the left as he points his sword at this thundering group of giants and ogres. And as...

As he veers off, he calls over and is like, "You get to the right, I'll get to the left! Keep an eye on me!" And he runs in alone against several ogres and giants. And as this happens, you see to your right a group of slavering, vicious beasts.

heading towards you. These seem to be humanoid goat-like. They just are in an all-out sprint. It's interspersed with these horrible demonic creatures mindlessly thundering towards you as these flapping, small, devilish creatures fly over, ascending towards you. And I never want to roll for initiative. Woo!

And as we do that, I say, tonight we dine in the nine hells. Nay. I feel like I'm going to throw up. And that will end tonight's session. Oh, my God. That's on the table. It's down by our feet. Oh, wow. It's foot water. You got it.

I don't not want it. Moonwater is a great name for a fictional town. Half of the table, Rich, the paper past you, just kind of slowly pull that off. I'm really nervous. Why are you doing this to us, Mike? Yeah, why, Mike? So this is all gone, right? So we're on with that cliff. I'm dehydrated. I need water. So yeah, that's it. Appreciate it.

I'll say that you can place your minis wherever you would be here. These are... Where are we seeing them come from? You're heading down this way and you're seeing them thundering up this way. Okay. Thank you. And I would say, place these... Oh, no! Is this the... You didn't insult me, though. Is this the greenback of Zombie Bay? Yes, if you care to. No, it's all right. You can just place them however... Just make sure they're on actual squares. Yep.

And I would say they're probably in rows as they've been gendered towards- Oh, you think? Yeah, probably as they're- Oh, they're like, yeah, so- That's beautiful. That was hot. That was hot. If we're gonna be Total War style, they're all gonna be in very different movements. Well, here's a unit of eight back here. That's good. Jesus! So here's a unit of six here. I don't know who would be in front and he would be like, no, this is all just a massive swarm of creatures that are all just swarming towards the other.

Keep your butt hole tight. Well, however you want to do it. I don't care. There you go. Perfect. That's great. That's fantastic. I can't control that. We're going to work on the ground. Here, drop us. I said I was running in the front. I would be in the back, similar to where Toa is at. I'd be next to Caprice. As long as I'm near Toa, but behind him, I'll be safe. Oh.

I'm gonna use this horrific fish monster as me. So something keeps making an echo every once in a while, just so you know. The echo's back. Yeah, it's every once in a while. I gotta figure it out. I tried a million things. So I'm just gonna be here. So who else would be up in the front? Me and her. I'm next to Caprice. I need my spiritual weapon. 20 is 25. 21. Go ahead. Toa's first.

Then Caprice, 15 to 20. 18. So I got a 17. I got a 17. You may go first. Okay. Lufty, what'd you get? I got an 8. Okay. So you got a 17? Yes. But Hersha's gonna go before me, because she also got a 17. Okay. They did not do great. Do I have it continually? Yes, so if I casted less on you, if I cast less on you,

Okay. And do you know what less does? 1d4 on attack and flicking? You got it, girl. Tight. I just, I guess I just want to make sure I can use it more than once. And you have the entirety of the potion.

So as you all run towards that, you see High General Jern run off to your left side. As these ogres and giants swarm him, you see him fire out his sword. And this massive swarm of what looks like flesh-eating insects erupts out of it and spreads and descends upon them as they are...

as all these creatures are yelling as the swarm engulfs them, you see him wade into the cloud of insects and he's sliced down these creatures. A massive greatsword in his single hand, his left arm still in the sling as he wades in and is slicing out. Meanwhile, you are facing a group of these creatures

These probably former humanoids, former Korvacians, that have been possessed by Beast Plague, and they've descended into full beasts at this point. You also see these horrible bull-like imps flying above you, and these horrible demonic dretches that have this thick black fur, and they're slavering, slobbering all over the place. They all look horribly minus. Ezreal heading toward you. Toei, you're up. I'm just gonna fucking... I'm gonna...

Spread my legs, kind of lean down in my new huge form. Does anyone sound fish? Come on! Oh, you found your fish? And I'm gonna go into a battle trance. And then I will kind of look in their eyes, but they can't see it over in front of this tiki mask. And I'm just going to bum rush right into here. And I'm going to make two attacks. Okay. And they will all be reckless, every single one. Yep.

19. That's a 19 plus something. That is an 11 plus 8, so 19 to hit. Their AC is 14 of those guys. Okay, so... Orange last. The first attack is going to be 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16... Sorry, hold on, let's see how much damage...

17, 18 damage. 18 damage to number 1. To number 5. Number 5. You smash into it as your mole hits it and lets out a as it crashes into it and it's still going. Okay, so the second one hit, I'm going to just attack that one again. 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 17 damage.

17 damage, okay. To this guy again? Number five, this whatever you got there. Number five, it slumps forward and it's the perimeter of Toonie. You see Toa, this massive form of a Goliath, swing down here as it collapses and starts to roll and its body rolls past Toa as its momentum is killed. Are we keeping this on the battlefield? Yeah, I would say that's fine. Keep it on the battlefield for a while. I'm done. Okay.

He smashed into it. Caprice, you're up. I'll turn to Herja and I'll be like, let's do this. I really need your thunderous thighs. And I'll diagonally move towards the front line. I give you bardic inspiration, by the way, with that. How close do you want to get? All the way in. There, it's fine. And...

Help me with the cone of 15 feet that I want to hit as many people as possible with, with Thunder Wave. I think it's reasonable to say like one, seven, ten, four. I don't know how, I don't know if one's... What's the distance? 15 feet. So you hit one, two, and then three. That's how it works. But I would not reach the final line there? I guess that's right.

For what happened? A 15 foot cube. Cone or cube? Originating from me. Oh, that's different. Cone? Cube. That's different. So it's 15, 15, 15. So five, ten and a half. You could get these guys. Yeah. It's like half in their square. I would say one, eight, seven, four, ten in one. So I'll just spend the slot and first level style. They all need to make a constitution saving throw. And I'll...

What's the DC? Uh, 17? Uh, 16. Jesus Christ.

They all fail. Oh, fantastic. All right, they all take 11 points of thunder damage and they're all pushed back 10 feet away from me. So I need to know what numbers of, let's just say the white, the orange guys are those... Eight to seven. White guys are the one that's right next to Caprice. One. Say white, and then what's red guys for the other ones? One, ten, and five. So for the one that's closest, the white one is one, the orange ones are seven, and he can get this guy too. Yeah.

Okay, so one in three. So one in three, they both take how much damage? Eleven. Eleven for one in three. For the orange, it's eight and seven. Orange is eight and seven. And for red, it's four, ten, and one. Yeah, I run up with my viol and I'm just like, and I make a sound wave, shock wave, pushing them all back in one huge, exactly. Four, ten, and one, I'm sure. That's exactly what I wanted.

- They are not resistant to any of this. - It does sound like that. - You see Caprice run up and you do a massive power cord on your viol and this blast. You see the three imps, which are the red ones, immediately crumble and collapse to the ground as the other ones are blasted back. - I kill the imps. I will turn and I will run back to my original spot with the rest of my movement. - Okay.

With that, it's Felix's turn. I'm going to move up to some portion here. Actually, maybe not. 5, 10, 15, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 50, 55. I can probably drop that right in there. I'm going to cast... I'm going to move up. Let's move up there and there. 5, 10, 15, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25, 40.

I'll drop it right here. I'm gonna cast Flaming Sphere right here. Okay. And based on the last time I cast Flaming Sphere, it will do damage the first time I cast it. So you guys have to make a dex saving throw. Otherwise, take 2d6 fire damage. To all the guys around there? Yeah, so it'll be red number 8 and 9 and white number 9. What's the dc? Dex saving throw of...

16. They all fail. Okay. Amazing. Yeah. This is my die, you know. So I'll take 8 points of damage apiece. Red 8 and 9 and white 9. I think. Unless it's a 6. That might be... I'm sorry. I guess that's a 6, right? So 8... Sorry, it's gonna be 8 and 6 for red, 9 for white.

Eight and six for red, and then white is what? Eight? White is eight? White is nine. Nine, okay. It's eight and... Oh, that one's already been damaged, right? Nine? No. Not for white, no. White is one in three that has been damaged.

Okay, okay. - I can't have the ability to manage numbers. - You see the fields run up in a flame sphere. They are trying to dodge out of the way and it singes all of them. They let them as they're all singed. - That's my turn. - Okay, okay. There's a flaming sphere on the field now. Persia, you're up. - Action? - That is my action.

Oh, I thought it was a bonus action. No, I can move it next to you when it's a bonus action. Okay. So first time understanding mountain combat, my mount can only dash, disengage, or hide as an action if I am mounted. Then it has other things it can do if I'm unmounted. So I will use half my movement to mount Peyton.

I am now a large creature. And then I will move its movement, which is 40 feet, right next to... Where do you want to end? Here? Or here? On your right. Oh, and it's still square here? I guess I'll move up so that I'm to your left so that I can touch both of those two creatures. No, I still want to be within 10 feet of Toa. I have 40 feet of movement.

You can be like here, and this would still be within 10 feet. You can walk over that body. That's a body. Yeah, I'll walk over the body to be right next to you. Oh, you'll be directly next to me. Okay. Yep. Herd, you're up there. You see Peyton run for this massive ox as she rides it. What are you doing? So I get right up next to Toa. As a bonus action, I'm going to cast Thunder Thighs. Okay. And then as an action, I'm going to use my channel divinity for a sacred weapon. Okay. Okay.

And that'll be my turn. Okay, so you hear a loud clang of a hammer on an anvil as thunderous magic swirls around and then there's also a glow, so Dakota's getting buffed up. With that, it's Iris' turn. I'm going to cast Toll the Dead on number one of the white guys. Okay. It's a wisdom saving throw. That'll be an 11. Okay, thanks.

And he's already damaged, right? Yep. What number is he? Number one of the white tokens. White number one. Wow. That's fine. It does four points of damage. Four points of damage. Yeah, necrotic damage. Thanks. Four points of necrotic damage.

You see it come stumble as it looks like it's rough, but it's still going. Amazing. Okay, with that is Monster 1's turn, which are the orange tokens. So can we have the one next to Toa go run up to Felix? Oh, what? I don't like this. And then let's get all the orange ones get up as close as they can to everybody else. They have 40 movement. These are up here.

Can they move through their teammates? Yeah. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. 5, 10, 15, 20, 30, 35, 40.

No, why would you do that? Did this guy move already? Yes. He could easily have gotten a Herrscher. Yeah, but how did he move around with a Herrscher? Which one? This guy? The one you just moved. The one you just moved, yeah. No, no, no, two. No, the one I just moved was this guy. I mean, he was whichever way you wanted him to go. Yeah, move him to Herrscher. Well, or there. Yeah, perfect. And then is that all of them? He was a Toa. I mean, it wasn't like he wasn't there. You guys want to adjust the camera a little bit? Did three, um, did this guy move?

Yes. Yeah. He's gonna sprint up to- so both of them are gonna sprint up to get around Utoa. Which way? This way? No, no, he's gonna get up to Utoa. And then the other one's gonna get up to Toa. Because they came from back here. Yeah, they're just there. This guy was back here, so then... So then we are gonna get, um... We're gonna get two attacks- we're gonna get two rounds on Persia. And... Oh no!

- All right, two on her jaws. It's gonna be, Jesus Christ, one's gonna be a natural one and the other's gonna horribly miss as they try to ram you with their horn as they're snarling. The two that can attack Toa will. One is gonna be a natural 20. - It is not actually. - Hey! - It is Sentinels at Death's Door says that it is a normal hit. - So it's a 23. So that's fine. - Still not a hit. - I will impose this advantage with my protection reaction. - Okay.

And that's gonna horribly miss. You guys used all your shit on him and now I'm fucked. And this shield smashes into it. And then we're going to get one on Felix. 16 is my AC. It's gonna be five. That would be a miss. And then we're gonna get two on Caprice. 15. One is gonna hit. Ouchies. There's one that finally actually fucking hits. That is gonna be five points of bludgeoning damage as they lord his head and rams you. Ow, hey!

And then, uh... I roll up on newspaper. BAD! And then, the red ones have 60 feet of movement as they're flying. As they're flying towards you, and so can we get some towards Caprice and some towards the back line? So 60? Yeah. 3, 4, 5... It can totally make it. It can move, we can call it here... 5, uh, let's see. It's 12 squares, right? Yeah. So that's 3, 6...

Get outta here, man. One, uh, three, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Don't forget that the ones that are next to the circle should be taking damage right now. How high in the air are they? Not until the end of turn. How high are they? Uh, they're, uh, currently about, like, ten feet. Okay. Yeah. So are they all falling to the back line?

Just the ones up front. Let's get one on Felix and then the rest of them are all gonna run to the front line. I mean, they can move like wherever. I mean, you said they have 60 movement, right? Yeah. Can they share spaces? Yeah, they can fly above. Jesus. There. We can easily go over here. You can go here. You can go here. You can go here. Actually, let's just put them... Let's put them like there and like there. So that it's... Okay. And let's put one like there.

We can easily get two. Okay. We're gonna get three attacks on... They all swoop in with their stingers. We are going to get three on Herja. Okay. One's gonna be a natural one. The other two are going to... One's gonna be a 19 and one's gonna be a 20. Both hit. Okay. Ten points of piercing damage. And I need two con saving throws against poison.

You're advantaged! Which I have advantage on. So let me do- so this is piercing damage? Yep. Um, okay, so let me do my concentration on... what's combined damage, so two attacks in- There's gonna be more damage coming from the stinger's. Okay, so let me- how many concentration checks am I making? Uh, you're gonna take two. Make two. That's five... nine, so that fails. Okay. So, I guess...

thunder-sized drops. I'm rolling for concentration on... And you rolled a nine? I rolled a nine. Yes. But I will use a twist of fate if that's cool. Yeah, do it. Because we have a million. So that would have been a 20 for that one. And then the other one is a natural one. Should I use another one? Go for it. Okay.

- Natural 20. - Thank you. - Maintaining thunder size. So now I'm rolling. How many for? - Two cons saving throws for the poison. - Advantage, okay. 19 and natural two.

- Nice! - Did those come right after your last natural 20? - That's so sweet! - Was that three natural 20s in a row? - You're gonna take half then? - No. - You're gonna take half of 19 points of poison damage. - That's the next tier. - And then you're resistant, so half of that. - So half of 19 is? - 18, so nine and then half of that, so you take four. - And so we're gonna get three attacks on Toa.

Natural 1. 1 is gonna hit you, Choa. And make a constant saving throw, please. Oh, you get +2 to saving throws. Oh, that's great. Which I guess I should have been doing too. Oh no, that already gets added in. 22. 22 succeeds, so you're gonna just take... You're gonna take 4 points of piercing damage, and you're gonna take half of... You're gonna take half of 8 points of poison damage. And we're gonna get 1 attack on Felix.

That is going to be a 10. That's going to miss. We're going to get an attack on Iris. That's going to miss. We're going to get an attack on Lufti. That's going to be a 19 to hit Lufti. That hits. That is going to be 3 points of piercing damage. So a 20. You get to add your Bless. Yeah, I added Bless. Okay, if it's 20, you're going to take 1 point of poison damage. Okay.

That's happened already. One point of poison damage, and then we're gonna get one on Caprice. You think you took five damage damage? That is gonna be a 21 to him. I think that does hit. That is gonna be four points of piercing damage and the comp saving throw from him. I thought he just said the poison. So one. So the piercing and poison. So you said, what's the total? Uh, ten. Four and then one poison? One poison, five. What was that? A ten. A ten. That fails, unfortunately, so you're gonna take an additional...

Nine points of poison damage as the poison seeps into you and that's all their turn. So then one of them is in range so roll dex 16. That's gonna be a seven. Two are in range, right? No, just this one because they haven't taken their turn yet. They have to end their turn in it. So these guys are all gonna move.

These guys haven't gone yet, so it's gonna be seven points of damage for the fail. To red nine. Red six, sorry. These are all like... It's red six. I don't think they're... Oh, there are nine of them, but that's definitely six. Red six. As the Flamespearer swirls around, he then gets blasted by this and he shrivels up and dies. Woo!

- From the flamesphere. - Get fucked. - With that, it's Lifty's turn. - Okay. I am going to take... I've got my spoon out. I'm gonna... I guess... So they're flying about 10 feet above me. I'm just gonna jump up and try to like boop with the ends of my spoon. - Yep. - The boop boop as you do. - As you do. - Everybody say boop boop. - So that's a 19 and a 17 to hit. - Both hit. - Okay.

And that is six. Thank you. BD Roman G. Okay, so six plus six. So let's say ten to number three and eight to number five. Of the red? Of the, yeah, the red one. That's red, right? Yes, those are red. Okay. Of red, and then I'm going to do a bonus attack. So ten to number three and then what to what? Sorry. Fuck. Four, eight to number...

- Five, is it a five? - It's three and five. - You hear a loud crack as Lofty, you basically take your spoon and smack one out of the air. It dies horribly from number, the 10 HP one. - Okay, I think that was reversed, but it didn't matter. Okay, and so I'm gonna make a bonus attack on number three. - Okay. - That's not very good. 13 to hit. - 13 hits. - Oh, cool. - Heroic. - Oh, he's got a plus CC.

Shit, my bad. Six damage. To number three? Yeah. Uh, is it the one that you just hit? It's not the one- it's the one that didn't die. Yeah, it's dead. Okay. It's dead. You punch it out of the air as, uh, it is dead. Very nice.

What was the other one? Five and three? Yeah, so five and three are dead, and then I'm gonna move forward and spend a key point to do Fury of Blows on number ten. Okay. Orange ten or, oh no, you're the one next to Iris. Red ten. You wanna move up, like, on the body? Yeah. Yeah. So that's two more unarmed strikes on number ten. Man, monks. Let me tell ya. Nice. Okay, so, I don't know if that's fair to assign which one goes to which.

How do you work that? Should I not have rolled them together? Just pick. Yeah, just pick. Doesn't matter. Alright. 16 and 19 then. Go ahead. That's pretty bad. Oh wow. So 5, so 10 total damage. 10 damage to number what? Number 10. Number 10. Once again, you raise up your leg and you kick it out of the air and it lets out a yelp as it dies. Oh, nice. That's it.

Okay, cool. And with that, it is the dredge's turn. They have 40 feet of movement. They're going to run forward. Some of them may have to dash if you want them to get somewhere. Yeah, that's fine. So he can easily get up here. What do you want to do as far as getting... They're going to just rush past you, I guess. One, three... Because there's a lot of space. Six. So you can go there. Three, six...

7, 8, and he's dashing? Yeah. So he can go there. So that guy already uses action. He can go there easily. So how many did not need a dash? All the ones in the back line dashed. This one had to dash up to Herjia. This one had to dash to get to me. So that means that there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 that can attack. 6 can attack Herjia, and 1, 2, 3 can attack me.

Okay, so three to attack you, Rich. Yes, and they're all advantage because I reckless attacked. Okay. Stupidly. So we're gonna get two here. One's gonna be a natural 20. On who? Natural 20 on Toa. There's nothing you can do about it. It's not the beginning of the round. I can't. Oh, no, you're right. It's not. It's not. So that is gonna be a bite. That is gonna be...

They're going to bite you for 8 points of piercing damage. And then they're going to try to hit you again. The claw's going to miss, we're going to get a bite. It's going to miss, we're going to get a claw. It's going to miss, we're going to get a bite. That is going to hit. 1 point of piercing damage. You're going to get a claw. And that is going to hit again, and that is going to deal... how much slashing damage will this do?

This will be seven points of slashing damage that are biting and tearing into you. So I'm gonna roll all the bites. Okay. That's a lot of bites. Bites, uh, what's your AC? 18. So one's gonna be at 20 and then another's gonna hit for the bites. Okay. So that's gonna be 3d6. Yikes. Sorry. Seven points of piercing damage. Yeah, now I feel like I should wash my mouth. For the first one? For all the bites. I'm with the piercing. Two claws are gonna hit you. Wow.

Additionally? Additionally, yeah. Just practicing basic arithmetic. Yeah, that looks like Mike. And... Oh wow, that's max damage there. He is managing like... For two or three people. Yeah, but... 14 points for slashing damage. I will use my reaction to... You will see a spiritual... Mikey can pick the animal.

And I will reduce that by... 17. Hardly. Hardly. Hardly. They'd probably see worse things than you. I rolled two concentrations. It was a 20 and a 7, so it would have been a 25 and then a 12. Yeah. But they really will be less than that. Okay.

- So do you see the damage? - Reduced by five. - It was-- - Reduced by five? - You take nine instead of-- - Thank you. - If I took 12, then it would be seven damage, right? - Or whatever, yeah. - Okay, reduced by five. - No, no, it was 14. - Oh. - Yeah, 14, so nine. - Nine, okay. - Okay, cool. With that, it's Toaster.

Okay, and I can already... No! One takes... One takes... Yeah, one's gonna take some damage. One is going to get a 20. That's gonna pass, so you'll only take three points of damage. Fire damage. What number is he? It's white nine. White nine. Three points of damage. You sunk my battleship. Not the battleship. Okay, as it blazes a little bit, managed to dodge out of the way a little bit. Okay, with that, it's Toad's turn. Top of the round we go. Okay, then what I will do...

and this might be unfortunate to track, but I will, having taken damage, I'm good. I will use the power from my tiki mask. Hell yeah. And I will use an action, and this horrifying, like, tribal chant will disperse over the crowd, and each creature within 30 feet of me that hears it must succeed on a DC 15 wisdom saving throw.

Which is all of them. Which is... No, not you guys. I don't think so. So basically like all of the... The only guys that are out of their range are this guy. I'm just gonna do one for each of the varieties just because that's gonna fail. Is it easy? 15. They all fail horrifically. Okay. And no allies are affected? No. It's your choice. Cool. And I can choose creatures to automatically succeed. Cool. Um...

So they are afraid...hold on, let me just make sure. Yes, you guys automatically succeed. Uh...surely that succeeds, they're immune to it, and then so I guess they're afraid. Yes, so continue. Sorry, it doesn't actually say...yeah, become frightened. Cool. One minute. Are they immune to being frightened? They're not. Okay, so I don't know how many can be in it, but it's what, 30 feet, so it's six squares, so actually that might be all of them.

One, two, three, four. Yeah, so every single one. Every single one. And that's, what is that? Is that 20? What? How much is the range? 30 feet. 30, okay. So they are all... Okay.

They all fray. As you see Toa, the crazy eyes go wild and wild and it shakes out and they all look at it and this magic swarms over them and they're all cowering a little bit and they're all frightened. I found this tiki mask. Say true. I am.

Can I... Help me with the cone, because I do not... Or the cube. I do not understand the cube. Would I be able to get orange, orange, and white in the cube? What's the range of a cube? It's 15, 13 feet. I don't see why not, is my argument. 15 out. So you can get all of these guys. Okay, that's Thunderwave. All right. So now that being said, we're really in a fight here. I'm going to pull out the big guns, and I'm going to start to sing. And I'm going to sing this for the duration of the fucking fight. We'll start with...

Polymorph, Wall of Stone, Alter Self, Trap the Soul, Stinking Cloud, Water, Breathing, Contact, Other Plane, Dancing Lights, Mass Adjustment, Simulacrum, Dark Vision, Magic Circle, Magic Missile, Continue, Wall, Flame. Blam! And all of a sudden...

I'll give it a, um, I'll Thunderwave everyone in front of me and I'll give Felix some bardic inspiration. So what can I use the bardic inspiration? Uh, the white token in front of you, uh,

- Passes, I'm doing the other three more next to her that are in it, right? - Yes. - It's red nine, white two and white seven. - So what's the one that directly acts like a priest? - The blam and blam squad. - There's white two and white eight? - White eight is the only one that's conceived. - And it's 15 and everyone else is pushed away from me 10 feet but the white guy takes half damage. - Okay.

I don't know what it is. The dredge takes... yeah. If he can get through you get him. So can I do damage first to make sure no one's dead? So I need to know all the colors and just tell me the damage. 15 for everybody except for the one with 15. It's gonna be orange 11 and 9. Orange 11 and 9. Half damage for white 8. Orange 11. Full damage for white 2 and red 9. I nearly rolled full damage.

I can say it again if you need it. Number 9 is blasting and dies horribly. Red 9 or orange 9? Orange 9. Or white 9. White 9. Red 9. So it's orange 11 and 9, it is red 9, and then it is white 8 and 2.

Eight took half damage. The red, all the red ones die. Okay, so they're just red nine. I'll just flip them, sorry. What was the orange one again? 9-11 orange. 9-11, okay, what's the white ones? Eight white took half and two white took full. It would say like, tackles and

Oh, oh, I see. They have disadvantage. It's okay. And then these get pushed back. So, uh, yeah. So, uh, two is barely enough to, like, as, uh, number eight is standing there, so he's very rough. And then he can move. He can get knocked, like, into her. You will take an attack of opportunity? Oh, no, I'll stay after that. Okay. If one of them gets knocked into the beast, into the yak, what happens? It hits against it? It hits against it. He goes in. Is there one under one? There's one under one, but nothing happened there. Okay. They were out of range.

- Oh, seven, it's seven, but yes. - I'm gonna kind of spread them. - It lets out a small part. - So now that I am in,

I'm brandishing the knife. I'm not hiding it anymore. I'm wielding the knife. It is glowing with arcane power. I'm going to point at a location and everybody say, get down! And I'm going to snap my fingers and cast Fireball. So it's going to be right here, and it's a 20-foot sphere, so basically I'm trying to save us in the front and then kill anything around. So I think this whole back row doesn't get hit, and then some of these guys might not get hit.

But I'll roll while Rich figures it out. What's the radius? No, if you center it right here, you can get everyone. Alright, then done. Done. Can I borrow two d6s? You name me, or I hate you. Fuck yes. Do you need more? Yes! I passed the height test. What's the dc? The dc is dex 16. Fail or fail? That's a throwout.

So it's gonna be 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. I rolled pretty poorly. That's acceptable. 19 points of damage. So I'm gonna need to know the color and the number. They're all red. Every single remaining unit. Okay, 19 points of damage. Holy fuck. Thank you. All of the white tokens are immediately killed. Woo! All of the red tokens are immediately killed. Okay, okay. I'm just gonna pretend they're all getting incinerated. Hoorah! Yeah.

have bell-bought my boy, Andy. - Yeah! - What a time to jump back online. - Number seven white is barely alive. - Well, you said all the whites are dead? - Except for number seven white. - Or no, I'm saying the orange one. - You said all the red ones. - All the reds and all the whites are dead. - Okay. - Yes. - Okay, so grab them in the front. - Number nine orange is dead. Number 11 orange is dead. - Yep. - Okay. So there should be one, two, three, four, six, seven, eight,

10 and 12 of the orange. Then I'm gonna use my bonus action and I'm gonna move the sphere to deal damage to 10, 9, and 4, I guess. Unless I can only ram it into one creature, in which case that... Wait, 7 and 8 are still alive? No. Orange? Which ones of orange are still alive? All but 5, 9, and 11. Okay. So I think that's fine. No, 7 and 8 are missing. Continue, sorry. 7 is right in front of you.

So, DC 16 save- Dex- Dex- Sorry. Dex 16 saving throw for 4, 9, and 10. Uh, they succeed. So they'll take 2 points of damage each. 4, 9, and 10. Or 4, 6, and 10. Orange for 6 and 10. Welcome to the Apes Fam! Welcome to our family! 4, 6, and 10. When you are here, you are home.

- So you see a massive fireball erupts. You hear shrieks as they all are burned and they all fall to the ground, many of them. The goat-like humanoids are still-- - Easy, buddy.

are still raising towards you. They're looking very angry. And you start to hear the thundering of hooves as you see these horrible centaur monsters are thundering towards you. As you look over and you now see the massive swarm of insects is spreading as Zurn, as there's a row of

dead ogres. There's a massive giant laying down as soldiers have now met him in the battle and he is slicing through. You see a massive burst of fire erupt from his sword, singeing several beast men and demons as he's going fucking ham. Can I just say that for my free object interaction or whatever, I just want to glance over at Zurn's to kind of check on him? That's what you say. Okay, got it. That's what you say.

How far away are these centaur creatures coming towards us at? They will probably get there in like a round or two. To us? Yeah. This is the first wave. I'm gonna look around at all the crispified bodies and go, "Oh, I should have brought some tap-thitator." And I'm gonna hit an attack. If you're not from the Midwest, you don't know what that is.

- What is this number? - That is a six. - Six? I'm gonna make an attack roll against six. First attack will be plus two 'cause of my sanctuary, so that'll be a 19. It takes 10 thunder damage from thunder smite and it must, does it draw? - What's that six? - Six. - Six, it's dead.

- Damn it. - It's straight dead. It's smashed into your loud crap of thunder. And it is blasted back and it spins back on itself. - Well, for flavor, I was gonna throw it and smack it into the next creature as my 10 foot push back. - You can do that, right? - I was gonna say, I mean, I don't know how it would affect the next creature, but it gets pushed back 10 feet. - Okay, yeah. - Slam it into the other one. - You can smash it into it. We'll say it knocks back, we'll make a dexating throw.

- It doesn't manage to be able to dodge it, but it does kind of set it off a little bit. - Okay. - Yeah. - And then for my next attack, I'll hit this one that's just- - 10? - 10, that one, yep. - 10.

That will hit with a 25. Roll damage. This will be... This one particular one has an AC of 26. I'm so sorry. The A plus 2. So it'll take 7 points of bludgeoning damage as I swing back around with Dakota. You swing back around and smash it in the chest. As it's barely alive. It's hanging on, though. Oh, damn!

I'm going to... Has the one in front of Felix been hit? Just by fireball. So I'm going to cast Hold the Dead on that. I just need to make sure it's hit. I believe it is taking damage. And it's a wisdom saving throw.

That's gonna be a seven. Yeah, no, that one's gonna damage it. No, it's only two dice, and it's really not great. That fails. 2d12 is great. I got four. My spell safety fee is four. Nine points of damage. That's gotta be enough. Nine points of damage to throw to number one? One. One. Is not enough, as you hear the gong of a new race. You could've put it nicely, Mattie.

God! Bullshit. I want to reach out. It's bleeding out of his ears. As it is also barely hanging. Your toes are bad and you should feel bad. You know what? Fuck that. I'm casting Spiritual Weapon on it. Good. Okay. I can't. That's a bonus. Fuck! Oh, no, no. I can. I can. I can. Yes, I'm casting Spiritual Weapon. I see that it's still standing there going like this. And I cast my Spiritual Weapon. Is there a foil on him?

Or next to him? I would right there. Yeah, that's perfect. Natural 20! For revenge. For the ultimate revenge. Fuck you! Fuck you, Mike! Fuck you! No, he didn't. No, you fucking didn't.

If it's not dead. Let that be a lesson to you. It's enough! It's number one! Yeah, I'm just like, now we're in the middle of training together and it smacks in. Number one is dead. I was so expecting you to look at me and go, yeah, not enough. Well no, if it was just two damage, that would not have been enough. And it's a hit point. It would have been no fucking way. That would have been fucking amazing. No, it was so good.

They are the one that is next to the spiritual weapon is going to run up to Felix. Two? Fuck you. Is it going to take an opportunity attack from this? I don't know. How's he looking? Number two. Number two is looking, I mean, rough, bloody, but not like non-death story. A little smoldering. Okay. Seven, eight, and ten are looking very rough.

Got it, that's fine. So we're gonna get an attack on Felix, that's gonna be A7. I can't win against this guy. And then we're going to get... Are these advantage on Toa? Yeah. No, they're not, because I used my... They're disadvantage.

Everyone has advantage because they're all afraid. So I'm gonna do a butt on... So that overwrites the fact that they have advantage on you? No, it makes it... Because last round I didn't use Reckless Attack, I used my action to... So it's only for a turn. Yes, like when you attack, then the next turn. How long does the Frighten last? A minute. At the end of their turn they can try to save it. Oh, they all miss.

I'm just gonna do... Don't forget that when they try to save, they are disadvantaged because they're trying to save because they're afraid. I like that one. Does it affect saving throws? It affects all ability checks. Saving throws are not ability checks. Right, but...

- Can you check frightened on there? - Yeah, I'll-- - I have it right here. - Anyway. - "Frightened creature is disadvantaged "on ability checks attack rolls "while the source of its fear is within line of sight. "Creature can't move willingly closer." - Oh, okay. - "Creature can't move willingly closer "to the source of its fear." So I don't even know if that guy-- - He moved him to a wall. - He moved him to a wall. - He ran away from-- - Oh, okay. - Technically he was running away from time. - So I'm just gonna go down the numbers here and just roll for the fear 'cause I-- Okay, so number two is gonna pass. Number three is gonna fail. Number four is gonna fail.

Number seven is gonna fail. Number eight is gonna fail. Number ten is gonna-- that's two natural ones, is gonna fail. Number twelve is gonna fail. So two is going to fail. Have they all made their attacks then? Is that the end of the turn? Yes, they all missed. Then four and ten will take dex checks. That's gonna be seven, and a fourteen. They both fail and they'll both take seven points of damage from the flaming spear. What numbers are those? It's gonna be four and ten.

Y'all done it? Number 10 lets out a roar as he collapses to the ground, Deb. So good. Rush up and just kind of just spinning

spinning my spoon and make a double attack on number seven. Oh, Hellhound Gang, this battle isn't close to over. No. We're just heating up. This is the beginning of what he's throwing at us. This is the pre-appetizer course. 18 hits on the first one. This is the amused bouche. This is the bread and butter, like they put the bread on your... The complimentary bread and butter. 17 to 18 hits. This tastes demonic. What is that fucking restaurant where they give you the ball of dough for two cheese? I'm an idiot. I've been doing that wrong.

I don't know if I've ever been to one.

- That's another conversation. - So 19 damage on number seven. - 19 damage on number seven. Number seven, that is just enough. Your crab spoon sends a clattering down to the ground. It lets out a yell. - Okay, and then I'm gonna just kind of like hop over with my spoon in the ground and like kick number 12, like bicycle kick him. - You do that, number 12, yeah, you're gonna have to attack him.

Get a bitch! That's my girl! Okay. That hits. For TSA's sake. Yes. That hits. You're a jibbitly bitch. That's my girl. You're gone again. Uh, ten, uh, eight damage. Eight damage? To number 12. Uh, number 12, eight damage to number 12. As, uh, it's still alive as you kick it in the face, but it's looking rough.

Excellent. Excellent. Is that your turn? I've not used it yet. How long does it last? 10 minutes? Okay, so basically as long as we're fighting, I'll have it for a round. I mean, as long as we're fighting. On the 601st round, you're going to lose. Right, right, right. He's done the math already. Can you do that for eight hours of mage armor for me? Calculate how many rounds. Yeah, I can. It's a minute. It shouldn't be that bad. With that...

You see the clouds being kicked up as a thundering number of these centaur-looking creatures are barreling towards you. - That's how long Mage Armor lasts. - And they are now entering the fray as three massive horned centaurs sprint forward with one demonic one behind them. - Hey, Mike, just do me a favor and let me know if we hit the 28,800 in the first round, because then my Mage Armor will drop.

After the 28,800 research. On a more realistic note, will you let us know when it's hit an hour of battle?

Well, no, that's... That's 600 rounds. Or something insane. We're gonna drop it for... 6,000 rounds. As long as we're in combat, you don't have to worry about that kind of stuff. In the reality of this universe, it's only like 30 seconds. For one minute, things that last one minute, I've been keeping track of. Because that's only 10 rounds. But if anything lasts 10 minutes or an hour, that's 600 or 6,000 rounds.

Okay. You know what I mean? So it's not really worth it. You good. Okay. Oh, that's not good. And then... Where did these guys come from? They ran in. Oh.

They full sprint it. Shit! I was trying to get to them, like if they were on the map, but... I'm gonna just put him and he's still gonna have his movement. He's a fast boy. He's a very fast boy. Who would win six really strong Avengers or one fast boy?

You want a fast boy, huh? A very fast boy. As these three horned centaurs charge forward at you, and one horrible demonic creature. These centaurs seem to have these huge pikes as they are running forward to spear you. And I'm going to just make sure that we just get all of their health.

So we're just gonna call them Centaur and then you can call it just Demon or Fastboy Fastboy and Centaurs Fastboys and Centaurs Does Fastboy look stronger than the Centaurs? Should I just ring the bell? No, Centaurs, oh yeah, Fastboy looks a lot stronger. A lot stronger, alright. This would be stronger. And then with that I'm gonna pull out Fastboy Man. Okay, so then it's, it's, uh, it is the Centaurs turn and they are going to, uh,

run up and they're gonna do their multi-pack attacks. They're all going to do their pikes first on you guys. They charge at you. So we're gonna get one on Toa. He's at disadvantage. No, he's not. 19 to hit Toa. That'll do. We're gonna get 20 to hit Harja.

20 hits? Yep. And then Lufty is going to be a 9 to do that. And so as they charge directly into it, they're going to spear you with their pipe, doing a considerable amount of piercing damage. Is that a 9 to hit? Yeah, so it misses you. And so I'm just going to roll damage for the... Wait, did one hit you, Toa? Yes. Which one was it? The centaur.

Number one. Oh, that one's within melee range of you? Okay. Basically, if you look at the corners, they're both giant creatures. They're like, he's like reaching over all the little guys. Okay. Can I impose disadvantage on that one that tried to hit him? Can you? You have to be within five feet of the target, right? No, within five feet of you. Yeah. No, you looked it up and said it was the other way around. I thought we looked it up and it was the other way around. No, I thought it was that way. Because I'm putting my shield in front of you.

If it was this guy and he walked up, at least last session you told me that you could've. Unless I changed. - I'm gonna roll damage on your version because we know that it hits you. - Is that a special book? - Seven. - No, that's just a player's handbook. - We probably haven't looked for all of Kelsey. - It would help if you actually read it, Kelsey. - Damn! - I can do it! - I didn't get too far. It was a fucking vicious mockery area, guys. - What was that? - 20 points of piercing damage to her.

Yeah, maybe you'd know how to play your class more. Maybe I just don't want to look at the pictures. And then one's gonna miss, and I'm just gonna play. No, it's imposing protection. That's what I'm looking at! It's a paladin ability. It's a fighting style. It's a fighting style. That fighters and paladins can do. PvP indeed. 18 to hit Lufty, 16 to hit Persia. You put that in my tit!

Natural, natural. Next time I'll be deadly serious next time. There's a 100% chance that 60% of the time I survive. Protection. When a creature you can see attacks a target other than you that is within five feet of you, you can use your reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack while you must be wielding a shield. Yeah. Sorry.

Pay attention. When a creature you can see attacks a target other than you that is within five feet of you, you can use your reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack roll. You must be wielding a shield. So I'm putting up my shield to protect you from the hit. And you are within five feet. So with that, it misses. It looks like it's going to charge into you. And you managed to block it, but unfortunately, through your selfless act,

You get rammed through. Can you take a look at the image that I wrote for you? It was 20 points of piercing damage. I took that already. It spears into you. You're charged with the forces as they ram into you. Lufty manages to dodge you. However, they rear up your hoods. Their hooves. They're missing both of you. But Lufty, their hooves come smashing down onto you. I don't believe it.

Dealing, wow, really great damage here. Seven points of bludgeoning damage. - I thought I missed you. - I thought I missed her. - The hooves got me. - The hooves. And with that, it's their turn. Toei, you're up. - So Toei didn't take any damage. - Oh, let's mess up. - Toei didn't, no. - Perfect.

It was gonna hit him. He's got very important-- Okay, Talon, you're up. Talon. Alright, I will-- so these-- which guys look scarier? The guy in the back looks scarier. Yeah, the demon-- the fast boy. I'm going to attack number one. Ghosts to swing at a truss-- One centaur? --gets blocked by a full shield. Yeah, centaur number one.

I'm gonna recklessly attack. So I'm a little bit taller now? Natural 20. Are you attacking the big boy? Yeah. How are you attacking the big boy? They're adjacent spurs. Sorry, when you say boy, I think fast boy. Big boy and fast boy. That's gonna be really confusing. 21 damage. 12 is their AC, the centaurs.

To one number one. I quit it. 21 damage to number one. Number one. Centaur. Okay. You do that. And then I will use my second attack to grapple them. Okay. This is so epic. We make a athletics contest, I believe. Giant Goliath Toa wrestling a fucking centaur. 16. That's amazing. I need fan art. No, I need to like give a picture. It's raining and the lightning is crashing and Toa is like...

- It could be his death, it could be his acrobatics, if that's strange. - In my mind, he's still being really polite, like he would be. - I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - 21. - Okay, so he's grappled. - So you smash into him and it knocks him down. As he leans forward, you then reach your massive arms and you grapple this big boy centaur. - So he can use an action to escape, and when he does, he still has to make a contest against me. Did they use their turns?

- The centaur said yes. - Okay, this one's gonna take a d6, I'm sorry. - Enjoy that. - I'm done, bye bye. - Please, make more honey. - It'll be three points of damage or five points of damage, depending on what his dex check is. Dex 16. - 11. - So five points of damage to number two. - Okay, it singes the centaur.

Okay, Caprice, you're up. Oh, shit. Yeah, okay. And the fast boy looks like the most menacing of all the boys. Yes, he's very menacing. He's looking very menacing. All right, I'm still singing. Menacing fast boy. Remove curse, ice storm, feather fall, flesh to stone, message planar binding and invisibility. Silent image, foresight, bigby's hand, eye bite, tiny hut, private sanctum, modify memory, Felix's fear of fire.

It's an orb of burning and it's always turning. I love that. I love that. And I will use the magic of my very singing voice and music to cast enemies abound on fast boy. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Okay. He's gonna enjoy...

What's the DC? Uh, 16. Wisdom? Just let me look it up real quick because I forgot that I don't have a card for it. Darius is spitting hot fire. He gets a 19. He succeeds. Fuck. Alright, and I'll drink a regular healing potion and I will move closer to Iris.

- Okay, so you try to warp his brain, however, this demon looks at you, it seems to be a bit resistant to magic as he looks at you menacingly and his hands, he has these massive claws, his right hand is crackling with electric energy.

And can you move me, like, literally to the adjacent space next to Iris there, Rich? Or... Oh, sorry, what? So you wanna move here? Just move me a couple spaces. Yeah, that's fine. Snuggle up the iris. Hey, how's it going? So this, the 1d8 for inspiration, is it a one-time use? It's a one-time thing, yeah. So, Fastboy is going to-- I'm gonna actually move him, because this is actually very important, because his hand crackles.

But can I use it to hit? Yes. Any roll that isn't damage. Okay. So, saving throws. Ability checks. Ability checks. Attack rolls. Attack rolls. Those are the only rolls. Yep. Those are the only rolls. Alright, death saves, maybe.

I don't think so. No? He is going to actually back up away from the flaming sphere. He's gonna back up so then, right there, is that good? Yeah. And he is actually one over. Actually, no, he's gonna stand there, actually. So moving back, forward, yep. So he is going to, his hand is going to crackle. Oh, bullshit, get the fuck out of here. And... Counter-spill!

And it is not a spell. FIRE! As his hand crackles and a massive lance of lightning pierces through ten by sixty towards Toa, Felix, Iris, and Caprice. Holy dicks! No, no, no. Fast forward. Oh, this guy. Yeah, he's going...

Is it a hit attack? No, it's a dex saving throw. So I wouldn't be able to reduce this with Stunning Spirit. It's 10 whiff. So it will also hit the horned gods. Question. I don't have to waste my counterspell to know that I can't counterspell it, right? No, you don't have to. You would know that it is a bonus spell. There are a certain amount of questions you don't have to ask. So, dex saving throw for everyone. DC is 15. I think I'll use it.

18. There's also tons of Twists of Fate. Yeah, I might be using one. Oh, sorry, what's the saving throw? Dex saving throw. Dex, you say? What did you say the save was? 15? 15, right? Okay, I'll risk being markup with Twists of Fate. I'm using one. I am also going to use one. Yes, markup, two.

- As I shake the dice. - Yeah, I passed, I passed. - I rolled worse than the first time. - You're shaking a lot of dice over there. - Three, nine. - I got a 14. - Perfect. - Nine. - Hopefully that's enough. - Wow. - What's the DC? - 15. - 15. - 15. - Jesus.

Oh wait wait wait wait, I have to have my dex. Then I'm good, I'm good. Because I have three. No, plus three. So I got a 17. I roll fucking terribly. So you all manage to dodge, wait what do you get? You all pass. So you all take ten points of lightning damage, as I only roll 20, which is close to minimum damage. So I've asked this question a billion times, I roll concentration, do I just roll and do I add anything to it? I'm using my reaction.

to send the spirit over Felix's way and mitigate that by 12. - So I took zero damage. - You took zero damage. - Thank you. - Wow. - A strutting spiritual moa, it sort of runs around and absorbs the blast of lightning. - I look at Tela and I say, "That's good." - And--

So, but how do I roll for concentration if I take damage? It's damage or 10, whatever's harder. Half damage or 10. Half damage or 10. And what do I just roll? Like, I don't add anything, right? Oh, okay, it's con. Okay. Con for concentration. But you didn't take any damage. I did not. Okay. That is fast, but I thought that would do a lot more. Did you fail? I did, but I, no, I passed. With a two? Yeah. Okay. With that, it is, uh, Felix's turn.

We already did me just recently. We already did me. So he's gonna take deck 16. That is going to be a 18. Max damage, unfortunately, so 6 instead of 12. 6 instead of 12. To fast boy. So close.

- Six instead of 12. And as it blazes around him, it singes him a little bit, but it's not as much as you were expecting. - Okay, so then I'm gonna use my bonus action to just ram the orb into big number two here. So Dex saving throw of 16. That's my bonus action. - That's gonna be a five. - Hell yeah. - Nine points of damage.

To number two of the centaurs. Nine points of damage. Then as the spear blazes into him, it's singeing his flesh. Then as my action, I'm gonna cast Scorching Ray at a second level, which is gonna be three beams. One is gonna be right in front of me, I guess I'll be disadvantaged on that guy. And then two at number two.

So the first attack on the guy who's right in front of me will be disadvantaged. Which monsters are you? Centaurs. I mean, like, which of them? Oh wow. 15+8. You, uh... Hit. They are. Are you sure? No, no, I don't think so. Just a 3-raise. Is it already a second card? Yes, it's a second level spell. Oh, okay. So, so, uh... Hold on, sorry. By the way, the, uh...

Those three all got incinerated by the lightning guy. The three satyrs. Oh. Yeah. Oh, they are. Okay. There's only one of the small boys left. Great. So I hit that guy. So that'll be seven points of damage to this guy. What number is he? He's number two, the little imp guy. Orange, number two. Seven points of damage. He's barely hanging on. No fucking way. Yeah, he hasn't taken that much. Okay. Then I will roll two more attacks on the big guy.

- 19 and 25. - On number two? - On centaur number two for attacks. - On fast boy.

- No, no, no, no, Centaur number two. That's gonna be four, eight, 16 points of damage. - 16 points of damage, this is full damage as you blast into it. These arcs, what spell is this? - This was Scorching Ray, so one beam to number two and two more beams to Centaur. - The other two arc around, hit him. His flesh is burning, he's looking rough, but he's hanging on, he's okay.

Is that it? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna bonus action use my shield to shove Centaur II and try to knock him prone. Okay. So that'll be at the Thalatex contest.

Grapple? Not grapple. Shove attack. So, twenty... twenty-three? So he's prone? So now it's prone, so I'm gonna make... You shove this creature down. I'm gonna make two attacks at advantage. Now that he's on the ground with my flail. Plus seven. So one is a sixteen? Sixteen will hit. The ace is twelve, the big boy. No, the centaurs.

Okay, so both hit with a... Oh, I'm sorry. That was an advantage, so I'll do my first hit. They're very big. So he takes eight points of bludgeoning. What number is he? Centaur 2. Okay, eight points. The one that Felix hit. Okay, he is... You smash down. He's looking rough as Dakota hits him the first time. Second hit. Will hit with a 22. 22.

Five points of bludgeoning. Five points of bludgeoning. He's barely hanging on as he's smashing again. Ooh.

I will dump a Divine Smite into him just to get him out of the way. And then he takes 10 points of Radiant Damage. You smack Anne and it's going to be enough. You're crying and you can't help power Morden. You let that roar and it sings his flesh. Divine Light kills me. Number two is dead. Good job, Morden. I'm going to wipe some sweat off my mouth and be like, I'm not

feeling all that great, but I did just fuck him up, so any healing would be appreciated, and that'll be my turn. No, I don't think so. Okay. Irish rub. I am going to, as my bonus action, I'm going to use my spiritual weapon to whack number two. Okay, please kill this little motherfucker. Um, probably not. Um... Number two. Um...

The little guy? Oh, the little fella. Yeah. 14? 14 does hit. Yep, it hits the little guy. Barely hits him. Oh my goodness. Probably not. I bet they're going to roll 2-1. Please flip and flail him to death.

- 13 points of damage. - You can smash into your crack as he collapses. - Nice! - Get outta here, you little-- - Slain. - You little bitch. - And then-- - License full three. Yeah, right? - No way! - Not my chair, not my car. - And then I'm going to turn to Herja and I'm gonna cast Cure Wounds at a third level. - Damn! - Where is she? I'll move up to her, behind her, and I'll touch her and I'll cast Cure Wounds. Thanks, BB!

I will roll that for you in a second. Okay. You run up. You feel your call on reach over. What's her name? Peyton. 20 points. Thank you. This kind of this warm, sandy sensation washes over you and your wounds are healed. That's insane.

- Rough and coarse, yeah, it gets fucking everywhere. - One is just going, even though all of the original creatures that had been with it have fallen, you see that there are swarms of thousands of the creatures that you just killed clashing with soldiers. You see massive fireballs erupting, arcs of lightning from the wizards and the front lines, and there's this massive war, this battle raging all around you. You hear--

The massive, fleeting treasure chest is launching a fleeting bomb from the walls, smashing into beasts and killing them. Huge ballistas are firing down into them. There are thousands of them, and this one is single-minded. It's trying to kill you, and it's going to horribly miss. That is it. Who's turn was that? The fast boy? No, the one real fast boy.

The little shitter that's been there for a couple of rounds. The little shit. The little shite. The little shite. Did that one take a turn? Did 12 take a turn? That was it. Oh, did it miss an attack on me? Yeah. Okay, I wanted to use a reaction. I wanted to use my key point for a tipsy sway and have it make its missed attack land on this feller.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah, girl! - You redirected and the attack-- - Did you just read the PHP? - Come at me. - Headbutts it. - I did. - And he's gonna enjoy some damage. I don't even know where big boy is. Oh yeah, here we go. We're gonna say that's what it is.

You're gonna have some water though. What number is that by the way? Number 12 is hitting big boy three. Big boy three. Okay, and his horns butt into it despite missing you. You direct it like the flow of ale and you do that. Okay. Okay, now it's your turn. Now it's my turn. Okay. So like while he's like, oh shit, didn't mean to do that. I'm gonna bop him on the head with my spoon. Sander or Settler?

Little guy. Little guy? Yeah, little guy. He's not actually a satyr, but you know. That's terrible! It's just terrible! Uh, 13 and misses. So I will second attack spoon on number 12. That's so bad! 13, 14. Yes. Okay, cool. Wow. Nice.

That's 8 damage to number 12. 8 damage to number 12. After it dodges out of the way, after you redirected it, it is leaving its net open and you hear a lot of crack as you send it crashing to the ground down. Get outta here! Nice! Good job, Losty. Get outta here. And so then my bonus attack, I'll just whip around and karate kick number 3, big boy 3. Okay. So that's 17, 20 to hit. 20 to hit, okay. Barely misses.

That's 8 damage to number 3, and then I am gonna spend another ki point and make two more attacks on him. Okay. Yeah, girl. Hunch Punch. You smack it. It's doing full damage. That's 15, so you said 12 for the big ones, right? 12 for the big ones. So it does still hit. That hits as well.

So that's 10 and 15, so 15 total damage. 15 total damage, uh, yup. That's a big buff 3.

As you are punching this, it is very easy to hit this large horned satyr. And with that, it is the satyr's turn, as it is going to keep trying to attack you, Lufty, that boy. The satyr? No, no, the satyr's dead. Yeah. The centaur. As the centaur is going to... 3 and 1, right? Yeah. Centaur is going to get a... Well, let me do this. That's a 19 to hit for his pike.

- That hits. - And then his hooves are going to forwardly miss. So his pike is gonna D-O out. - Are you within five feet of me? - Six points of piercing damage. - She is. - Is this within a new round? - It is. - I will impose disadvantage on that attack. Sorry, it's hard for me to see diagonals from here 'cause it looks like it's another space, but yeah, disadvantage. - 15.

16. Okay, yeah, so he got it. Get it, girl. Okay. Paladins, man. With that, Paladins. So this time, can he go? Yeah, he will go. He is going to see Felix, and he's going to thunder towards him. Nope, his movement is zero. He's grappled. Oh, shit!

- That's awesome. - It is angrily, as you're grappling, it rolls at the squishy in the back and it turns to you and is going to try to stab at you. It does not care that it's grappled. - That is awesome. - 20. - I can pepper the shit out of this guy. - I'm cutting words. Subtract a d8 from that. I'll be like, "You got it, Toa!" - You roll a d8. - I roll a d8? - Yeah. - 20. - It's a 15 now.

- Towa, you got this! Fuck him up! - That's definitely Kurt cutting. - This is gonna be 18. - That barely hits. - No, no, no, I have 17. - It hits? Okay, so he does smash you with his hooves. - Hooves, whatever. - 11 points of bludgeoning damage. And with that, it is Towa's turn.

I will... how would you rule... so if I have one arm, how would you rule me attacking with my maul one-handed? There's a disadvantage. There's a disadvantage? Yeah. Okay. There's a two-handed subversive. I was gonna say normally you roll less damage. It's not. Is it a versatile weapon? No, it's not. Okay. I will... yeah, so what I'm gonna... if that's fine, I will hold on to him and I will recklessly attack him twice. So it will just give me normal and not advantage, right? Yep.

Hey, that's gotta be good enough. You should really be rolling your eyes and getting down. The sound of it hitting against the side of the box is so cute. It's just like a boop boop boop. 14 to hit? Is that it? A boop boop boop. 14 to make sense? Oh yeah, they're only on 12 AC. Damn. Very nice. So that deals...

Ooh, that's terrible. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. You're grappling with one hand. You see this massively overgrown toy rip back its head and just...

And you hear a sickening cry. His brains are splattering everywhere. And he's grappling him. He just bludgeoned the living shit out of the centaur. That's awesome. That's exactly what I said to do. Well done, Toa. And then I'm going to just move up one to try to block the path. Okay. Are you going to be spirited-ified? Yeah, if you get close. Is it evocation? No, it is not. It is conjuration. Okay, that's fine.

He's taking it. It's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only like, it's only

I'm like half. You're at half? He's the best of... Alright, I will continue singing. Felix's fear of fire. Once he casts and lights it, there's no way to fight it. Counterspell, levitate, time stop, prismatic spray, unseen servants, thunder wave, telepathic bond. Shot, shape, change, true strike, gentle repose and light, feeble mind, wish, prestidigitation. And then, uh,

And then I will... Woo! Gotta give it up! I'm going for Rock and Roller Cola Wars. We're getting in there. I don't know what I'm doing with my turn except that. Rock and Roller Cola Wars? I will... I will take out the gauntlet. I saw this gauntlet and I will use it on Fastboy. That'll be a plus five to attack. Natural 20. Woo! Yeah!

- Is that a spell dice? - Yes, it doubles the dice, yes. If you make an attack with a spell. - I would just roll all the hits so you can roll all the dice at once. - Outstanding, that's going to be, every ray is 2d6, so that's 6d6 and then it's 12d6. - You have to roll for each individual ray. So one of those rays will be double damage. - Okay, so 46, 46, 46.

And then this is gonna be 15 to hit. 16. It's 16 AC, so it misses. And then that one will hit. So it's gonna be 46 damage plus 66 damage. Can I use these, please? Absolutely. Thank you. I need... No, that's 66, right? Yeah. Nice. That's fine money. 9, 11, 15, 17, 20...

20 points of fire damage to him, and I'll use my bonus action to give healing word to Herja. Aw, thanks, dear bud. Yeah, no problem. That's the first level, and you get... I will roll a heal on you. So, you pull out the

- You shove your hand in your coat and it has the gall on it and blasts. Once again, the fire damage is not new as much as you're expecting, but it does get singed. With that, it is a fast boy. - How is fast boy looking? - He's barely been hit. - Oh, okay. - Nine points. - Thank you. - So he's only got my five. - Feeling better. He's a big old fast boy. - With this huge Goliath in his midst, he's going to turn to Utoa.

And he is going to do his multi-attack. And I need to roll separately because they're all three different attacks. He is advantage on me. He is. That's gonna be a yikes from me dog. That's a yikes from me dog. So we got hooves first. That is going to be a 21 to head. That'll do. Hooves, old and sickish. So that is going to be 11 points of bludgeoning damage. Okay. Then he's gonna slice in with his claws. So 11 is 5. Wow.

12. No. Okay, and then he has a large serrated tail. I forgot to mention, he does. Oh! Does he? A massive serrated tail. He's going to swing it forward. He's advantageous. It's going to be a 19 to hit. Yep. Ooh, a 2d10. How about it? Oh my. 2d10. Oh my. Ooh. Ooh.

18 points of slashing damage as a serrated tail slashes into you. So it's 18 and then, so half of that is 9. Yes. I'm going to use my reaction, my stone's endurance to hold on. Okay.

Whoa, we're on stream, Kels. Why are you whispering? Away from the mic. The mic probably heard it better than I did. I didn't hear it. Exactly. Okay. The mic probably heard it better than I did. Nevermind. And so that's its turn, which is Felix's turn. Multiple yikes. We didn't answer. I'm yelling. I'm gonna yell, "Turret, no!"

I'm gonna use my bonus action to move the sphere all the way to the back here and ram it into this guy. Oh, he needs to take the damage from sending it. Yes, so just roll two dex saving throws at 16.

Dex is gonna be a 19 and a 7. Pass and a fail. So the pass will only take 2 points of damage. So 1 point. On the fail, he'll take 10 points of damage. Nice. That's my bonus action. So then as my action, seeing this creature tear into my friend here, I'm going to cast Scorching Ray at a third level. Nice. Targeting my boy, fast boy here. So it's gonna be 4 D, 4 Rays, I think.

When you cast this to level 3 or higher, you create one additional ray. Yeah, so it'll be four rays, so three... So four attacks. 15 plus 8 is 23. 17 plus 8 is a hit. 6 plus 8 is 14. 14 on Fastboy? Yes. 14 misses. Did you use your inspiration? I did already. And then 15 plus 8. So that's gonna be 2d6, 2d6, that's another fireball. Just shy of a fireball.

6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, plus 9 is 21 points of damage. 21 points of damage. Four Scorching Rays. As you grab, the blade glows and your hand explodes into fire and most of them hit. It still seems to be resisting that damage, but he's getting just blasted by all sorts of fire abilities and he's being worn down while he's still looking okay. With that, it is Hurt's turn.

Persia is going to command Peyton to use the dash action purely for flavor, because she could totally get up to fast boy. She's going to move this guy's body. And in slow motion, as she gets right up against him, she's going to use her charging force to bonus action trough him to try and get him prone. So, athletics check here. I believe.

I'm gonna-- 24. Okay, yeah. Well done, mate. Is it like the G shivers? Yeah, the shiver box. And I'm going to make two flail attacks against him. You see, effectively, almost two mounted combatants thundering towards each other. A large musk ox, a dwarf on a musk ox, swinging around a flail and this huge centaur-like demon as she smashes her shield into it and collapses down to the ground.

First attack is a 20. That'll hit. The second attack is also a 20. So I roll...

See how this does so I appreciated it So 11 points of damage and I will sorry 11 points of bludgeoning damage and I'll pump a first level divine smite into one of those an additional 11 points of radiant

Okay, Moradin empowers Dakota with his glowing molten energy and it singes the flesh he smashed in Dakota as he's knocked prone. He's looking rough, but he's looking bloody. Yeah. Okay, Iris, you're up.

I am going to... I'm going to... Could you move me to be, I guess, within five feet of Toa? I would have had enough movement to get to there. I am gonna move my spiritual weapon. It can move 15 feet, I believe. No, 20 feet. Yeah, 20 feet. So it should be able to get up there, because it can move through you guys. Right, then it can be, yes, if you put it right. So I'm gonna use... Crook and Flare!

Wait for it. And so I am going to hit it because I can move it and repeat the attack. So... It will definitely hit because I rolled a natural 18. Nice. It's that last minute hand switch. Yeah, that really hits. I love Bravely Default battle music.

Seven points of damage. And then I am going to turn towards this motherfucker and he's told to dead. So he has to roll a wisdom saving throw, I believe it is.

Yep, against a 16. Mr. Centaur Jones. Only this motherfucker. That's a natural one, yeah, you can't possibly pass. Oh, thanks. Yeah! Thanks, man. That's not my three, right? Yeah, and so then I'm going to get 16 points of product damage. Nice. Oh, shit. His ears are bleeding as he's looking very often. There's actually blood pouring out of his nose. I'm going to turn towards him and I'm going to say,

Fuck you. That's my joke. If I had picked it. He's resistant to fire. And with that, it is Lothi's turn. So I'm just gonna try to see in his head's bloody, just smack him across the face. Mind Spawn. Mind Spawn! Yeah, he's used that. He's got a 12. Seven damage. Seven.

- Seven damage to number three. - Seven damage to number three. Is that enough? - Is it? - It's exactly enough.

And then I'm gonna use my movement over to Fastboy and just kind of run at him, like, just run with my spoon at him and jab him in the gut. Spinning monk style. Spin me. Oh, that's so bad.

Yeah, that's 14. His 16. So that misses, but I'll do an un- So I'll just kind of whiff with my spoon and kind of fall into him with like a shoulder attack unarmed. Okay. Get it, girl. That'll happen.

That shit! Five damage! Five damage to Bigfucker. Call me Bigfucker. Oh, uh, she's blasted. You miss and you bring your knee up. She used the potion of heroism. And it knees you in the gut. You knee him in the gut. And monsters two is the centaurs, they're all dead. Toa, you're up.

I have advantage, he's on the ground currently, right? He's still raw. Okay, I will then attempt to-- Oh, you should have had advantage. She should have been advantage. You can roll the other one, roll by the eye. Just see if you roll a 20. Nope. Well, but that means that attack would have hit, so do you want your-- Oh, I should have been advantage on him? No. So you killed this guy and then you missed on him, but you're advantaged. So you have an extra hit, darling.

That second roll you made... No, it's an actual hit. Just roll damage for a single unarmed person. Four points. Eight. Eight, okay. There you go. Yeah, that second one you rolled at 11 was for the advantage. When you did your second hit against him, you missed, but you should have advanced. So, as you smash him on the ground, you should really read the PHP. I attack twice, I hit twice. Okay.

Suck on this. The longer Kelsey plays D&D, her brain just kind of smooths out. It just turns into like a smooth brain. Yeah, I'm not with you. It was so nice when I just played one class. Why would I read PHP when I have five lovely people around me? 35 damage. He's just on the ground. I just want to fucking just like sort of right on the head. Okay. You see...

As he's on the ground, Toa just steps over this massive goliath, grabs his mole that has grown to his size, and flattens his head. His brain sprays everywhere again. Before you describe anything else, you have to roll a DC 16 dex check. Oh yeah. It says "saving stuff"? Yeah. You add two to it because you're within ten feet of me. And I'm blessed.

- There you go. - Hashtag blast. - The fact that Andy is taking joy out of this is making my life. - Wah, wah, wah. - Damn it. - You take seven points of burn damage. - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - What's my dex, though? - It's good. - The Faving Thrust. - So three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13. - Yeah, so that's 10, 13, 15. - Miss. You take seven points of burn damage. - Yeah. - What's the DC? - 16. - How much? - She messed it. - She said 15. - What's your, what's your,

Dex saving throw. It was a 3 plus a 3, right? Oh no, you had 4 plus 4, dex plus 5, yes. You barely missed. So what was it, 7? 7 points, yes. Why are you relishing in this? And then it disappears.

Damn. Well, hold on, we don't know if the fight's gonna-- Oh yeah, good call, might not be, sorry. Purely for troll flavor. As you look to your left, and Xurn is probably about a hundred feet from you, he is slicing in the swarm of insects. You see a massive blast of green gas spray over these demons. They're all choking and horribly dying. I did imagine him being like a poison user.

and you see his sword swinging in as you

As you look around and you see soldiers are slaughtering demons. You see hundreds of dead humans, thousands of dead demons and beast creatures all around the battlefield. And you see giants letting out massive groans and collapsing. All of the beasts being slaughtered.

And as soon as it looks like the massive army of Zentra is actually holding off the horde, you hear and you see all of the trees of the forest shaking and rattling and massive glowing energy through the forest as...

The force is completely incinerated as you see massive machines rolling onto the battlefield. Oh my god. Wheeled. These massive wheeled machines made of this infernal looking metal. They have these massive faces, gaping mouths full of infernal hellfire. Clawed appendages on either side, crackling with lightning.

Four wheels on each, these exhaust pipes shooting out blazing hellfire as dozens erupt out of the forest and start rolling towards you. Dozens of machines. This is Ferngully. We're about to fight Tim Curry as the small guy. Yeah! I wish! Do your best, Hexus. Do your best, Hexus. Actually, I don't even know what Hexus sounds like. Talk slow. Ha ha ha!

- That's a very distant sound. - It's very modulated, right? - So these are dozens of these horrible machines that we can't die by. - Dozens of these horrible machines. - Can you just say delicious oil and then we'll continue? - How far away are they? - They're probably, they're several hundred feet away and they're heading towards you. I'm gonna let you guys prepare. - I am going to wait until they're basically right on us and I'm gonna cast Beacon of Hope on all six of us. - Okay.

Okay. So, um, as the, uh, all of the thousands, tens of thousands of beasts and demons let out a massive roar as the thundering drums get louder and louder as these massive infernal machines wheel and rocket towards you and I'm gonna show you what it looks like real quick. So roughly how much time do we have? You have, you have like maybe a minute. And so I'm gonna use the restroom while you guys prepare to

I finished singing my song, if that's cool with everybody. Just let it rip, Derek. We're going to need it. Sending sunbeam protection from energy, magic weapon, dispel magic, demi-plane, dimension door, blight, haze, knock, gate, sleep, slow, clone, maze, fly, shield, dream, blur, energy.

and meteors warm Felix's fear of fire it's an orb of burning and it's always turning Felix's fear of fire once he casts and lights it there's no way to fight it incredible nice job I named 63 of the possible 200 plus wizard spells in that song that's pretty good so that's Felix so now we've heard Felix's song and Iris's song yep

And for those of us, for those who are in our...

In our stream, if we haven't heard Iris' song, you want to bless us with that? Sure. Because I read the motivation. Absolutely. My pleasure. The inspiration, I should say. The inspiration. Chuck Corgi approves. All grave clerics with their gods can shepherd souls like Anubis do. High on his mountaintop, oh, way up. Respect the dead and pay them due. All restless spirits and undead, with your help, ease their suffering. On my deathbed.

I hope to see you there worshipping the devout and the pious. I always forget how that goes. Yeah, right. Wap like a tabaxi.

So my favorite part is when you say, like, I'm on my deathbed. I hope I see you there worshipping. That's the best line. That is the best. You learned a little bit more about why I would say that. Yeah, yeah. That is the best line of the whole song. And this is why we'll never get rid of Derek. He belongs to us whether he likes it or not. I literally am chained to this chair. I never leave. I'm going to reach into my pack and down my superior healing potion. I will also down my superior healing potion. Oh, wait. Are we? If I'm not admitted, sorry. Yeah.

We have one minute. It's not going to be a short rest. All right. So that's fine. I don't care. It's cool. Do you want to wait until Iris uses her beacon of hope to do that? Does that heal? That doesn't heal, does it? No. Max damage. But it, but it, it gives you max healing. Oh, well, the second that's done, I will down it. Okay. So I'm going to, so, so as you see that there's one, uh,

That there's one rolling directly towards you. Xern looks at you and he turns to you and there's a flash of red energy in his eyes. And this will be for Xern as well, by the way. I can choose any number of creatures within range. What's the range? As long as he's with us. He's 100. It's going to be a whole minute. I'm going to lose my fucking sphere. Can I have a greater? I'm going to lose my... Hold on. A greater? Uh.

Oh, you won't need to roll it because you'll get max. Everyone gets 40. You can still roll it. You can just take the max, okay? I've been waiting so long. Are we still under eight? Eight is still a lot, right? Yeah, look. I'm going to need a regular for eight and save my superior. So we shake up the bottles and throw the dice out and heal up.

You'll still take the max as you feel these sand beacons brought from... Sand is rough as course of life. But it does not get everywhere and you feel the warmth of the blessing of the new age. So the superior is 40 health, right? And you see the battlefield as they're slicing through these massive infernal...

machines roll forward and you see that some have arrived at the front line before the one that's hitting you. You see one belt out a massive spray of this horrific, goopy hellfire and you hear screams as dozens of soldiers are singed down to their bones.

And they glow, and the machine's eyes glow as this happens. Oh no. Oh fuck. And you can see some of them have crackling lightning from their hands that lash out and fry scores of soldiers as they are getting slaughtered by these machines. Do I recognize the machine from the diagram? Yes. Yes.

You guys all have advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saving throws. For how long? For a minute. That's why I was doing it at the very last second. So can I move all these corpses then? Yes. Give her the whole one. My channel divinity drops because it's only for a minute. Wisdom and death. Oh, death.

I want you guys to position as this massive machine runs towards you. I want to be up front. I'm still going to be torqued. Yeah, I mean, I guess we're just going to stand behind our front line. My spiritual weapon would be gone. It's only a minute. We know how our front line works. I'll be within five feet of Toa. Yeah, we're good. Perfect. And I want you to roll for initiative. Like, in the middle? I'll roll for initiative again. Yeah. Does this seem like a...

creature type like this? It looks like a massive construct. It's a construct, not like a mean... It's an infernal construct, yeah. But it would fall mostly under construction. It would fall under construction, yes. It is a... As a type of creature, a construct? Yeah. Motherfucker. I know. I'm holding haste. I'm wondering when to pull the trigger here. Good question. How long's it last? As long as I maintain concentration, like 10 rounds. Oh, shit.

It's usually good against a boss fight. I just don't know what this thing-- I don't know how we kill this thing, right? This is where I'm like, if there are dozens of these machines, I'm thinking, like, what do we do? What the fuck do we do? Falling down one at a time and pray to the events. Really? Kiss my butt goodbye. So as these machines-- everyone keep on to your initiative. As these machines

barrel towards you. Zurn looks at you, his eyes are blazing with this red energy, and he calls over to you like, "Take that one down! I'll take as many as I can!" And he immediately sprints away from all of the dozens of ogres that are swarming him as he cuts through them and he raises his sword and he's heading towards another machine that's not too far from you. And so initiative, 20, 25. - 20.

- 15. - 15. - 15. - Let me go first. - All three of you got 15? - You gotta ask Kersha. - If you wanna go before me, that's fine. I wanna go before Toa, that's all. If you wanna go before both of us, that's fine. I just have to go before Toa. - No, go before Toa. Okay, then I'll go third. - Yeah, okay. - So it's him, me, then-- - You do that, 15. - No, no, no, you go first. - 10. - You go first. - 10. - Go first before us. - Please, I, okay? - You can go first so I can make sure everyone's okay. - I'm before Felix. - Okay, cool.

- Oh. - Hersha before Felix. - Yeah, Hersha, Felix, Tawa. - He's in bridge contract, maybe he can't knock him down. - And I'll go before Iris. - And then Luffy, Iris. - You can't really have like an apple. - 'Cause we both got 10. - Iris. - And then. - We got so many double rolls. So many double rolls. - Jesus. - It's like a pork roll. Taylor's pork roll. - I love Taylor's pork roll. - I love Taylor ham pork roll. - Okay. - Oh my God. - That's the question. Is it Taylor's ham or is it a pork roll?

You see this massive machine rolling towards you. Its wheels are easily navigating the terrain. The axis seems to be effortlessly handling it and whatever strength and traction it is, it is allowing it to just barrel towards you as its mouth is blazing with this horrible hellfire. And I'm going to place it...

Do we recall from the, uh, the, blah blah blah, the diagrams, anything particular about its structure that would be useful to us at this point? Weaknesses and whatnot. Oh, good question. Yeah, that's a great question. I studied the blueprints for Revali for a long time. 20. You said Arcana? 18. That wasn't very good. Uh, skills. 18. 15. 16.

- 16? - 18. - 18? - Felix is stupid, what matters? - 20. - 20. I would, I want, so I will say that as they're barreling towards you, something, something strikes your memory. There's an infernal note that was written that was, I believe, no, it was infernal, yeah, it was an infernal note written that there is a weak point.

that the axes, while they can navigate any terrain, that would be the place to avoid the most attack. So that would be probably a weak point. Oh, I remember this one. You told me this word. It said fragili. Hmm.

Yes, a Fragula. I think it's Fragilla. But Fragilla-Migilla. I meant to say that while we were doing that thing, I wanted to use my Pearl Power. Okay, nice. Is the axis visible, though? Or is it on the underside of this? So it's on the underside, but it is moving up and down with the wheels and it's poking out a little bit.

I will say that it'll affect the AC, but it'll affect the damage as well. - Okay. - Say that again, I'm sorry. - So it'll affect, if you're going for the weak point, it'll make the AC higher. - 'Cause it's not completely visible. - But if you hit it, it doesn't hit it. - But if you hit it, it'll do more damage. - Excellent. - Yep.

With an 18 on top, I don't know if this would help at all, but do I know, do I understand how it's being controlled other than that? It's like, is there anybody in it, on top of it? You guys know that it is a sentient, it is a moving, it has a mind of its own. Yeah, there's no one right there. It has a mind of its own. Those eyes that you see are the eyes of the actual living construct. So when I ask that souls are powering it, that could actually be a thing. Yes. We just don't know. You know that they are harvesting souls for something.

But we don't know if the souls are actually powering this living creature. Jesus. I know it's a robin. Does it look like the fire is powering it? Kind of like the fire that I put out for the other guy? That was a living furnace. What you put out was a massive furnace of actual fire. This is this horrible, hellish, acidic, goopy, fiery business inside that is not... So it's not something that wind would put out? No. This is far more heavy than that.

It's a robot. Okay, freeze your arm. It's a robot. Shit. I'm going to look at it and I'm going to, for the sake of flavor, I'm going to do what I would normally do for Phantasmal Force and make like an illusion type operation, but it's just an antlers first.

Am I allowed to do that for this purpose? What kind of effect does that have? Oh, it's going to be a dexterity saving throw for it, and I get to do some damage. Is it an effect, or is it just a spell that you're using? It is a spell that I'm using. So it's not a charm or anything like that? It is a spell. Okay. It's a first-level enchantment. Yeah, I don't think it's a meaner, that kind of thing. Okay. Nice, excellent.

I guess I'll just whisper. I'm not going to do a bunch of crazy crap. It's free real estate. It has to make a dexterity saving throw. Dexterity? No, wisdom, wisdom, wisdom. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. It's 17. Uh,

17 passes, unfortunately, so it'll take half of this. Why did we let him play DMD with us? It's demonic hellish soul. Doesn't understand what you're saying and it's inflicted pain. It takes 7 psychic damage. It takes 7 psychic damage. You whisper to it. It seems to resist and barrels towards you. And it seems as if...

You're not reaching, you're still, you tap into a consciousness of something. It does not seem to be affected by psychic damage as much as you would like. I'll turn to Luvty and I'll be like, it isn't free real estate. I'll give you inspiration. That'll be the end of my turn.

Okay. What's inspiration again? D4? You get a D8 on any attack roll, a one-time attack roll. For Kek Jedder, we played this camp and you see this blazing, gooping, horrible, acidic mess from inside the mouth

blaze up and what you saw melt, soldier the bone, blast out into a cone. All of you, I need a dexterity saving throw. What is it? Dex you saved? Dex saving throw. To anyone that's within 10 feet of me, plus 2. DC 18. And Caprice and... I'm not. It's still going to be damage. Plus 2 to save. 60 foot fucking cone.

It's still gonna be damages, but I gotta-- Come on, I gotta roll one time here. Uh-uh. If you don't have the paper, you gotta find a rolling zone. Yeah, you're probably right. Do you want the other side of my banner? No, thank you though, I need to... I got an eight, but I'm tempted to use a Twist of Fate. I'm gonna use a Twist of Fate. Are we keeping track here? Yeah, Richie is, Richie is. We go along. I'm gonna use one. It's a disintegrate, isn't it?

I definitely pass. I'm going to use one of 12. Do another one, Andy. I fucking hate this. I'm going to use another one. Count off two for me. I'm probably going to use another one, too. It's a 15. I mean, this is miserable. I'm going to take my chance with 15. I'm not going to sit here and roll a 30. Can I use another one? I love LLM. This is what we gave him to you, LOL.

- Thank you, thank you everyone. - Oh my god, okay. - You should use it. - You are a fucking wizard, you should use one. - You will die. - Use one. - 15 is good. - No, no. - Use one. - I've already used two. I've made my decision. - I've used two, I'm not gonna use any more. Mine's a 10. Oh jeez. Okay, mine was a 22, by the way. - Mine was a 28. - So everyone in the back takes half of this. - It's not over yet. - What was the DC? - 18. - Oh fuck.

What would you have had to roll? An 18? 15. I would have had to roll, yeah, at least a 15. I mean, like, it's reasonable, but it's still gonna be hard and it's difficult, right? Thank you for that bardic inspiration, because I used it immediately. I wanted to use Shieldmaster against this, like, pass. 36 points of fire damage. Oh, good! I'm going! 36 points of fire damage, half for... That's like nothing! Jesus.

Does accident fire damage make a difference for anybody? Not for me. It burns the flesh! 18 points of damage. So for you... I reduce it by 5. Yikes. Thank you. Fire damage. It's 10 points of fire, so 5 points of fire damage. 36 total. I got an actual 20 on my concentration, so we still have beacon of hope.

- Okay, wow. - So was that fire damage? - Fire and acid. - Fire and acid, okay. - It was fire and acid. And this blazing gooping mess just hits all of you and that is going to be its turn. - That tastes gross. - Okay, first throw.

- That tasted good. - Where are the spokes, on the sides? - Yeah, by the axons that are connecting the wheels to this creature. - And the mouth of it is just in the front. - Yeah, it's directly in the front. It's massive hellish face. It has two massive horns and all these exhausts on it. - Okay. Are the exhausts pointing out, do I feel like I would take damage from it being on the side of it? Just from looking at it? - I would say it's very high up, but you wouldn't be getting blasted. It's being blasted upwards in the sky. - Okay.

I'm going to move 5, 10 with Dakota. Peyton. Did you roll for Peyton for the damage?

Oh no, I didn't. She has to make a... Sorry. She'll vaporize if she's at zero. Vaporize, do you mean? Yeah, that's what I meant. I just pronounced it, I'm sorry. She gets plus two to con. She gets one and one. Eight, so that would have been 18. Dex, 18 barely passes. No, it would have been half of 36 was 18. 18, so she has four hit points left. Okay. I'm gonna hop off of her after we move up 10 feet.

Like, with her? So, this way, ten feet. Yep. I'm going to hop off of her and use the rest of my movement to get to the...

get to the spokes and I'm gonna telepathically communicate to her, I'm gonna roll initiative for her right now to charge at the spokes on her turn. So she, her initiative is minus one, so she's a 15. - 15. - So she can go after Toa. - That's after, they both got 15, right? - Oh, okay. - So she's last. - She can be dead last. - No, we got 10. - Oh.

So she'll go after Toa. I'll move out of the way of the spoke slightly if you want to-- Sorry? --get me up like this way or that way, just so that she has a direct charge pack. All right. And then I will make two attacks against the spoke. I moved you that way so you're not standing in front of the acid cone again. Oh my god. Thank you. We should use the Gorgon mini as the axe. Yeah! Oh!

- Mike, grab it. - From our very first stream session ever. - Yeah. The Gorgon. - Unless you would rather use this big guy. - Oh, is that a huge monster? - Oh, I wanna milk this guy so badly. - That's a weird thing to say, Derek. - Yeah, no, we're saying- - It's from the Feywild. It's an inside joke from the Feywild. - Okay. Now we have Peyton.

Oh, sweet! Sorry, I just noticed that. Thank you. 13? You're welcome. 13 misses. And the other one will miss two of the 12. Your attacks delaying after you move off of the wheels have no damage at all to it. I will bonus action...

Yeah, actually I'll hang on to my thing. For good measure, just to see if this does anything, I will bonus action attempt to shove the spoke. Or like, clang into it somehow, just to angrily jam it. You attempt, and it does not budge from you to pro. Okay. Cool. So with that, it's Queen's turn. Please don't do that. My turn? Yep.

I'm gonna cough up a lot of blood. Oh. And, ah, god, smarts being on this end of that. Tela, now! And I'm gonna cast Haste on Tela. Okay. You got it. And then I'm gonna use my bonus action to drink a potion, and it is Max Healing, correct? It's Max Healing. So, well... 40 damage. Well, that's if I use my Superior. I have a Greater. That would be 20. I'm gonna use the Superior and just go to full.

Did you reduce the damage by five? I did. I did. Thank you. I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm good, I'm good. And that'll be my-- and I run. You run and you feel Felix, your hand glows the shimmering silver. And you hear a clock getting faster and faster and faster and faster and Toa, you remember this feeling, you are hyped up and heightened and you feel very hasted.

With that, it is Toa's turn. I'm going to run a... Thank you, Felix! I'm gonna run... I mean, my speed is so fucking insane. I'm gonna literally get over on this side, and I'll say, Come get me! And I'm going to attack him twice recklessly. Okay. Yeah, so you double speed, plus two AC, and an extra attack. Yep. Med for 20. Boom! Yes!

A 19 plus 8, that hits. Which one of those die did you get an afro 20 on? Mikey's die sometimes. The pink one! I knew it. Oh, this is cocked, hold on. Good. It's good. Is it a 14 hit? It's not. I know, I don't know where you guys are from. That's still a crit and a regular attack. Yes. That's good. So one, two, three, four.

Hold on. Five. Does anyone have any more d4s? Yes. I need two more. That's all right. No, four. That's six. That's two. Oh, those are d6. What did you need? Four. No. No. No, I just wasn't paying enough attention. Pretty bad. Whatever. One, one, one. So three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty-two,

20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26 damage to the spokes on this side. - 26? - Gotcha. - Duh, is your weapon magic? - Ooh, no. - No. - No. So as you smash in, one manages to bounce off the wheel, however the other two smash in, it looks like as if your hammer is not, your maul's not doing as much, but however you're hitting it, you hear a lot of cracking, so it bounces out, so 26 points of damage.

Yes. 22 points of damage. Okay, with that it is Dakota's turn. Peyton's turn. Peyton is going to back up 10 feet and then she's gonna use the rest of her movement to charge and attempt a ram attack on this spoke.

That'll miss with a seven. Okay, that misses. You see this huge musk ox just lumbering forward and it kind of trips a little bit on the terrain. It's never done this before. It's nervous, it's its first time. You got it! And then she's going to back up ten feet again because she's got 40 movement total. And that'll be her turn. Can it make an opportunity attack? It is going to make an opportunity attack. It's disadvantaged.

Why? Because he's marked by my fucking ghost shit. It may... Oh, boy. Ghost shit. You're a spirit shit. Actually, I don't think he can make an opportunity attack. You'd have to turn, right? He does not have any attack actions. That's bad. That's real bad. So we cannot make an opportunity attack. Spending up dice. What?

So you all see that that does not make an opportunity attack, so I will let that speak for itself and I'll be returning it. That is very good because I know that though, so. Felix squints in the distance. Look, you're up. Let's see. What is that? What is it doing? So I'm going to come in on 25, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. Two spoon attacks directed at the axis. Yep. That'll increase the AC.

So that's 20 something. I'm trying not to get in the line with this thing. I don't really know what I'm doing. That's 14, 15, 16. Misses. Okay. And what do I do for the damage? It'll be vulnerable because you are it's not magical. It'll be email. That was shitty dicks. Five damage. Five damage. It smacks in.

And then just being like really angry that I missed that one attack, I'm gonna just kick it like you do in a used car lot. Yeah. You damn shit! That probably is not a good... So 9 and 16. That misses, right? 16, yeah. Okay. Okay. 9 voice damage, you said? Or 9 to hit?

- You rolled a one. - I rolled five damage. That's awful, I missed everything else. - Okay, cool. You smack one spoon, you're trying to hit these folks, but as the wheels are moving and it's chugging along and it's very difficult to hit, it's gonna be very well protected. It takes a very well timed strike to actually hit these things.

Okay, with that, Iris, roll. I am going to cast Mass Healing Word at a second level. So y'all are going to get... Mass Healing...

Yeah, but it's still just Mass Healing Worse. It's still 8, 10? It's 9. So everyone's going to get 9 healing. 9 of our mobs? You're welcome. I'm so happy. That's great. I'm appreciative.

Thank you. It is not time for the sands to claim any of you. And then I'm going to rush forward, I'm going to cast Toll the Dead on its spokes. Okay. BONG! It has to make a wisdom saving throw somehow. BONG! So I would say that as spokes, it is, you have to do a physical attack on the spokes to actually do the vulnerable. So you're affecting its like brain.

- Okay. - We gotta bear with our DM here. He's going out in left field here on us. - Then I will not do that. - This is a unique thing that we, I've never fought anything like this before. This is very unique. - Do you wanna stay here?

Yeah. I don't see why I wouldn't. I don't know any better. Spread out, fucking rug! You guys don't know that! We just got hit with a comb. Yeah, I mean, that's true. I'm spreading out because we got hit by the comb. Right. I'm just saying you guys wouldn't know that that's all it can do. I'm trying to get around it. I don't know if it's all it can do. I'm trying to get around, like, its side. Yeah, I guess it'll still regularly pull the dead, because I don't have anything else I can do. It would fail. Okay. And it has been damaged, right? Yes. Hell yeah.

Thanks to Peyton. Oh, there's my thing! Okay, Peyton just shit to it. Peyton didn't hit. Oh. 17. 17. 17 from necrotic damage. You see it start to rattle as necrotic is actually one of the few damage types it's not actually resistant to. Wow, that's good to know. Oh, no I'm not. I just didn't see it. 17. That's actually... Shab-la-dee. Shab-la-dee.

Okay, with that, Caprice, you're up. I will move. Give me six spaces towards Peyton. Just straight in the line, yep. Just get me all the way up, that's perfect. And I will...

I'm still playing like a ditty version of what I've been singing earlier, but I'm like losing... I'm running out of words, so I... Spaghetti pineapple. But I will cast Faerie Fire on it. It has to make a dexterity saving throw. 16. It's a 14. It fails, so everyone has advantage on it forever. Yeah! I like that.

And then we'll... Well, fairy fire is an area. It's an area, but it's the only thing that's affected. Huh? I get to choose. I don't think it says on there that you choose who it affects. No, fairy fire you do. Each object in a 20-foot... Oh, no, it's every one. No, it's every one in an area. Can you, like, flip it so it's, like... Yeah, I'm going to do a diagonal, like, diamond. I play Sylvie. Is it a sphere? It's a 20-foot cube.

Oh, cube. So yeah, you could get the corner, I guess. Yeah, I'm just making the corner. I'm hitting it with the corner. What does that say? In the area. Yep. We can't go invisible, guys. Yeah, don't go invisible. So a magical glowing purple energy hums around this machine now. You see we're all advantaged on it. And I will use my bonus action to cast Vicious Mockery. Okay.

I'll be like, "You stupid! You-you-you-you-you-you spokes, you dummy!" And then, uh... Make a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom... 11. You stupid idiot! Nice spokes, dumbass! It fails? 11 it does. Alright, it takes... What kind of damage is this? Psychic, it takes... Psychic loses it to a... Three. Wait, did you roll a six or did you roll a three? I rolled a three. It takes one point.

Please don't shame nice folks. I do not like being shamed. And with that, it is... Please stop. No, no, no. That was a mess.

That was much better. That's my Stephen Hawking. Work it, baby. Work it. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You see as this machine turns and it's No one's within 5 feet of me. and

glows with a sparking energy and it lashes onto you, Herjia, because I believe that's the best, yeah, that's the, that is going to be a... Is it an attack roll? It is an attack roll. It's disadvantage. It's a spell attack. It's disadvantage. As long as it's an attack, period. 22 to hit Herjia. Damn. That hits. And it blasts in as it zaps you. Yo, this thing's not fucking around. No. No.

No, no, it's not. This lightning whip hits you for... Ooh, a lightning whip. A lightning quip. Quip.

It's really nice. Why are you saying it like that? 20 points of bludgeoning damage and... Oh, boy. 20 points of bludgeoning damage and... Oh, yikes. Felix is like, get me next, daddy. Jeez, ew. Jeez Louise. Maybe you would do it, babe. There's more than one way to use Wishes Mockery. That's right. I am at one hit point. You never do it by seven. No.

As the

- The massive whip smashes onto Persia and zaps her. And it arcs out of everyone, Persia zapping towards you, Caprice, Lufty, and Toad. And they're all going to make a dexterity saving throw. - Dexterity saving? - And that is Maya. That is even after I healed you for 20. - What's your total hit points? - 79. I've been taking a lot of hits for you guys. - I know you were low.

Damn. I just took like 50 damage, basically. Uh, 27. So it did the lightning thing and I didn't have to make a save for that? No, that's an attack roll. So it's a 23, an attack roll, and a hit. And then that's... So then everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw. 22 for me. I'm guessing Peyton does too. 28. No? Okay. It's up to three features.

So you're gonna take half of this in lightning damage. You guys succeed. Oh my god. Let it be shite. You take no fucking way. You take half of nine. Nine lightning damage. Four damage. You take four lightning damage. Mike, did you know that half of nine is four? It is. It is.

And that is the lightning royal. Damn. Not in D&D, it's not. It slams down. That's what it does. Yep. Because it's everyone within, yeah, Herges and Reign, all three of you. Okay, cool. As it arcs out of Persia, the lightning flits. Well, at least it didn't hit Peyton. Ow. Peyton's still up. What was it? Peyton has almost as many hit points as I do now. And that is going to be its turn. No, Peyton should have 20 more hit points.

Oh, that's right. With that, Virgil, you're up. Everybody, cool. So Payton's at full health. All right, I'm bringing out the big-- oh, fuck. I think this is the boss fight. I've made a mistake. As you can see here. I've made a grand mistake. That is called a tactical boo-boo.

I want to do this, but I should have done them here. Did I feel like the lightning lash thing came out from something within it, or did it just, like... It's from its hands. So the little hands that are, like, attached to its side, it basically... I only can do it once. Lightning flail smashed into you, and then sat out from it. Do I see... Damn it.

its turning mechanism, like, within sight other than the axle? Yeah. What you see is just the axis, whatever. There's nothing additional besides... Like, do I see gears or anything that I could jam? No, no, no. Just the axis. It's very, very, very well made. Okay. I will use my action to pump all of my Lay on Hands.

into myself for 35 points of healing. I will, I,

I will sidestep it. Okay. And then... In which direction? This way? In which? No, she's like staying in range, so she doesn't take... Oh, she... Yeah. Yeah, and then one more. Yeah, that's good. And then... You can go more if you want. Outstanding move. How tall is this thing? It is probably... Draw your eyes. 15 feet tall. Yeah.

- You're welcome. Thanks, Andy. - I wanna try climbing. - I think you're thinking I'm funny when no one else says. - Okay, make an athletics check at disadvantage. - 11. - 11. Oh, that would be your action to try to climb it anyway. - Well, I use my action, I only use my movement to try to climb it. - I would say that because it's a creature, you need to use your actual action to try to scale it. - Okay. - 'Cause you don't have climbing speed. - Then I'm not gonna...

I'm not gonna do anything crazy for my bonus action. I'm trying to save my spell slots here. I will just get within, um...

I'll get next to Toa then for the rest of my movement and that'll be my turn. Okay. So you run over to Toa, placing your hand on yourself. You channel power more than heals your wounds considerably. With that, it is Felix's turn. Okay, I am going to... I've maintained concentration on the... And I'm gonna... Maintain concentration, I'm gonna cast Ice Knife. He's disadvantaged, or I have advantage, correct? Oh, thank you for reminding me.

Alright, I'm fine. Then I'm gonna go for the spoke. You're ice knifing him? I'm ice knifing him, yes. Yeah, if it's in tackle, right? Yes, and I'm advantaged. Okay. Yep, you're fire. 15 plus 8. Yep. Yes, now your cheese are twisted. 23. Big pool is doing great. Yeah. We used a whole bunch, thank you. It's gonna be 2d6. Sorry, on a hit it's 1d10. But then it says the target in each creature, oh, on a hit or miss, the shard, okay.

I'm sorry, I lied. I apologize. You have to make a deck 16 saving throw, so I cannot aim for the spokes, correct? 'Cause it's not an attack, I don't make an attack roll. I'll jade for the body, that's fine. So deck 16 on your end, I apologize. Jesus Christ. Dexterity, everybody. That is a 15. So it's a miss, so you're gonna take 1d10 and 2d6. I don't like that one 'cause it freaks me out with the extra numbers on it.

Not bad. 14 points of damage. 14 points of damage. The knife flies in and hits the side of it and it shatters as Frostiness gets kind of burned out. But it is taking some damage. That will be my turn. Frosty's Nets. Okay. Toad, you're up.

I will stay right there and I'm going to hit it three times. Hit it and quit it. But I'm advantaged because of fucking fairy fire. Hit it good. 20 something. 18 for this folks.

18 misses for the spokes. It does not hit the bottom. No, you gotta choose what you're doing. I don't care for that. Damn. 21? 21 hits the spokes. Two hits, two hits. Ooh, that's really bad. That's terrible. Two, four, six, seven, eight.

- Nine, horrible. - Horrible. - 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 damage. - One of your moles gets knocked off of one big two minutes of smash and it starts to crack, it's starting to rumble. Okay, you're smashing it, it's still going. With that, it is the ox's turn. - It's gonna back up, yeah, it's gonna back up 10 feet and then charge 20.

And then, yes. Exactly, like that's going to use the power of its flatulence, which is Hersha's middle name, to make a ram attack against it.

Ooh, 14 does not hit. Nope. Okay. So it'll just stand there and be in the way and moo at it, and that'll be its turn. Do oxen moo? Or do oxen moo? I don't know what they sound like. Can you please make the noise of what Peyton sounds like, Maya? I mean, it is your steed, after all. Yeah, don't break my immersion. Please? I figured it would moo. Do it, then. Tell us what it sounds like, Maya.

Beautiful. Let's give it up. Gotta give it up. With that, it's my turn. Alright, I'm gonna make two Spoon of Time Coffin. Not aiming at the axles. So that's a lot. 7 plus 8, 22. Your advantage. Oh, I didn't do that for...

For Moo? For Moo. Rolling. So, I still would have hit, but not a thing. No Critterino. It's not your aim for dice anymore. Pardon me, my name is Miss Payton. And I would like to take you.

It's really sad when her just speed is far more polite and civilized than she is. Yes. Except for farting charge. It's got like the watch bangs and it's just like, excuse me. Okay, so all three of those hit. So you're hitting the spokes, you use roll damage. Not hitting the spokes, just normal. Yeah, because I would have had to hit high racing for that.

Uh, so it's 9, 10, uh... Are your attacks magical? 22. No. No. Okay. So 22 damage. 22 points of damage. As you are beating up on it, however the body seems to be absorbing a lot of it. What do you mean they are? You're a monk. You should have magical hands at this point, right? Level 6? She's level 7. Under features...

Beats and traits. It should be like... Magical hands. It's not. You know if you've read... Chelsea about to catch these magical hands. That's all I'm going to say.

I believe it's a seven. It might be eight. I can clap with one hand. Utterly ridiculous. Please don't ever do that. Your unarmed strikes count as magical for the purpose of overcoming resistance and immunity. Okay, so you are smashing into this thing. So only one of them is then. Yeah. Any unarmed. But right, the spoon is not magical. So only one of those counts.

Okay, so I'll just yell. Yeah, just average yourself. Okay, cool. With that, it is our turn. And I'm actually going to back away from this dude. Are you disengaging? No, it can't. It doesn't hit me. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It just burns us all to death.

I am going cheese. I'm going to kill this guy, and the boss is going to show up. Going to cast Toll the Dead on him again. With some saving. Yeah, I mean I'm all in at this point. I've pushed all of my chips into the center of the table. I mean we clearly have the rest of the battlefield to figure out. 13. Failed. I have to do some bad field shot while it's not my turn. 19 points of necrotic damage. 19 points of necrotic damage, okay.

Nice. And then, uh... You hear the tolling of the bell of Anubis as it rattles and takes the full damage. And I'm going to cast my Spiritual Weapon on it. Okay. That is going to whack him. And that is going to be in his spoke. Got it. 16. 16 misses the spoke and the body.

as it swings in, and that would be vulnerable, because it's magical. And so, uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It swings in, the Krook and Flail Harbor misses, clings against the side of the wheel. With that, it is Caprice's turn. Herge, are you okay? I'm at, like, half. Half isn't bad. Do you want to be not half? If you don't mind, otherwise I would save it for someone else.

Yes! This is a little different, and I'm going to polymorph you if you'll accept. I will accept. I trust you. Okay. My man. Uh, you are now a giant ape.

So an ocelot. So an ocelot. You're now a giant ocelot. Holy shit. Look, guys, an ocelot. So I do that. And then I'll turn to the monkey. You're really fucked now. Vicious mockery. It has to... Holy shit. That's awesome. Shit, fuck you. And then it'll take...

Three points of psychic damage. I already cut that in half. From the... It was six. And it was a seven. So one. One.

- God damn, that does nothing. - And you cut it, does seem to do a tiny bit of damage. As you see Caprice does a little ditty on his viol, and you see her turn into a huge ape creature. And I didn't know that was a thing. And with that, it is its turn.

And you see its mouth as it's kind of refilling the liquid. She's now King King. I love King King. You see the swirling. You hear this loud as a

It almost goes silent for a moment. And they use this thunder cannon directed at the center of Lufty, Peyton, Caprice, Felix. And it's going to blast. Everyone in that needs to enjoy. Words you want to hear during a fight. Thunder cannon. Deck saving throw. Can you tell us exactly who again? Because you didn't mention me. Everyone except for Toa and Purdy.

Oh wow, so everybody's... So Dex saving her. I'm trying to think if there's anything I can fucking do. 22. Passed. 22? I don't know. Passed. Oh boy. Uh oh. Now I'm a huge creature. I mean, I'm sorry, yeah. But you're not affected. Huge beast. Oh, it's huge! 14. 14 fails. Shit! Oh yeah, we have... Four for Caitlyn. I know, that's... I fail. That's a huge. Is it? Yes.

Yeah, oh fuck. That's a huge. There's nothing I can do to like up my dex. Like I can do things to up my AC and protect myself. So that the art isn't terrible? Yeah. So what is this then? That's a giant. I'm the giant. Oh, got it. Welcome to Black and White 3. I love it. Oh, yeah, because you can't be King Kong, you're now Queen Queen.

Oh, Queen, Queen. I love Queen, Queen. 21 points of bludgeoning damage. So can you describe this? What is this thing? It's a massive thunder cannon and it blasts this kinetic force and blasts out. This huge ordinance comes out. 21. 21 points of bludgeoning damage. Half if you pass? Half if you pass. Wait, does Furyfire drop?

Fairy Fire already dropped when I cast Polymorph. That's what I mean. And...

Wow, only 13 points of thunder damage. 22 plus 13. 22 plus 13, yeah. Fuck me! Half the thunder? Half the best. So it's 35 damage total? Yes. So Peyton just evaporates into this celestial-- Miss Anvilheart, I don't feel so good. Bye!

Have I used... Man, I'm so excited for Endgame. Holy shit. I'll use it. Yeah, reduce it by 10. Does that help at all? Was it 35? What? It would have been 25. I would have given it on the ox instead of somebody else. My turn's coming up.

It wouldn't have helped because she's a 30-foot range. Oh, no, it's a 30-foot range. 22 HP. Okay, whatever. It was 30, whatever. Yeah, she's sad. I hope it's not anyone else. Everyone else is out of range. That was a very graceful accent. It was like, try to be respectful. This is what the accent looks like. I love that accent. That's perfect. With that is her turn.

Oh yeah, oh yeah! The sound of the wild horse. So it's immune to prone unless I try to flip it over. I would say it would be... She's a giant. I would say probably not. Bigger than it. I'm the same size. I'm very strong, though. All right, I will make...

You get the multi-attack, I think. I do get the multi-attack. If I enhanced your ability and gave her double her strength, could she throw it? I want her to suplex the infernal machine. I will make two fists. I would say... I'm not doing that. Do we still have Moonbeam, Magik? You still have Beacon of Hope, yes. Thank you. I would say depending, if you wanted to try it because you were a huge creature, if you wanted to try to flip it...

Just listen to the hesitation in Mike's voice though, that's all I'm gonna say. The drops are gonna fall. And be a high DC. I'll just make my spoke attack, uh, getting very angry after seeing Peyton dissipate. Uh, I think that one will hit. Plus 9? So yeah, 25. It's a CR 7. Um, I'm hitting the spokes. Can I use a, uh, twist of fate to see if this other- Of course you can. Do it. Do the thing, do the thing, do the thing.

I think that one will hit. 20, but not natural, so two hits. 20 hit, yeah. Oh, it's 10 foot reach. Okay, good to know, good to know. 3d10, so it's going to be 6d10 plus 12 bludgeoning. Nice. Is a polymorph creature magical, or no? No. Okay. So we'll just take the straight damage. It literally just turns her into the animal. Got it, got it. So, 2, 4, 6d10. You are so right, it can't.

Come on. So 10, 20, 25, 33, 42. That's a one. So 43. Plus. Jesus. Plus 12, right? Yeah, plus 12. So 43, 53. 55.

- 55 points of bludgeoning damage. - 55 points of bludgeoning damage. - To the smokes. - And this massive eight that the Saints have. - Here comes the merc. - Whoa! - It is bucking full on attack on Titan Beast. - You gonna take a full hit, all that, or half?

Well, it would have been happy because his the spokes it does the full day. Oh, right 55 points of damage as you see her shoes now We tried and climb and then we all die yeah I

As the spokes are blasted. She banana slams the shit out of the stand. It's literally two Ks down me. Incredible. Yes. Keep you damaged. And smashes the spokes. It is actually looking incredibly rickety as you hear it starting to fall apart. It is looking absurdly rough after that massive hit. Wow. Okay. I will...

Get it again. I will move to the other side of Toa. You'll take an... Oh, you will not. Oh, no. Will I? No. It doesn't have an attack action. That's right. I keep forgetting that. And you have a 10 foot reach, so you don't even have to get right up there. Oh, yeah. You can move in there. I will... I have... How much movement? I have 40 movement. Oh, I have 40 climb. Get on him! Get on him!

on top of that fucking thing. I'll say, I'll allow that. I'll get on top of it. I don't give a fuck. Can you start throwing your shit at it? I'm gonna just put your token on top. I'm gonna put it out the fire. I'm gonna keep this here so that way you're... She literally is king calming. I'm king calming this motherfucker. And she's a grab onto the sauce and you heave yourself off. She's swatting at imps that are flying by.

Fireballs coming in and she swats it backwards towards all the demons and explodes them. I'm kidding. And that's my turn. All of a sudden you see your pick look up and start staring at it. I'm so pleased to have delivered this gift unto you. Okay. Kit Kaki.

How is it pronounced? Oh my god. Knife? I forget how I pronounce it. Knife. Knife. And then, yeah, so Ice Knife, so dex 16. Go, go. 5, 6, bullshit 7. That is fucking trash. 700 points of Ice Knife-y damage. Uh-huh!

And then I will gain 20 hit points using my greater healing potion, and then I am out of healing. You fling the knife at it, and it blasts it. It does a little bit of damage. It is looking rough as its eyes are going wild. Totally rough. Bullshit! I'm just gonna, seeing that it's weak, I'm just gonna fucking go ham and just try to finish it off here. A miss?

Use your twist of fate if you want. Oh, by the way, this is reckless. Yeah, actually, I will use my twist of fate. I used one earlier. Did you mark that off? I did. Okay, go. So hold on. I'm going to use one. So 12. So a 19. Does a 19 hit? A 19 does not hit the stone. Toa is great. He's the rock. Yes, I throw Toa. Oh, no! Oh!

I have one more attack. Natural 20. Gotta give it up! I watched it, it was like 20.

- I can't remember the last time I rolled a natural. - I might have to, these are fucking for an attack. - They've seen some better days. - For a long time. - Here, here, roll this. - In all campaigns. - We're just out of curiosity. - Yeah, just roll that. Like next time I roll. - No, just roll now. - Right now. - Roll now, see what you get. - You're gonna be pissed if it's a 20. - 19 damage. - I'm unlucky. - Yes. - Yeah!

Let's just say that Herjit killed it. That's way cooler. Yeah. Or I will assist in whatever way that you would help. I basically want to be able to like, I'll just shove my maul into the gears and that allows like the eight to, or the exhaust, something. Yeah, yeah. So that Herjit can literally

- Literally just-- - Just make it so that I'm assisting, she and I are killing it together. - So as Herja is climbing up, you smack the axle, you time it just right and only thanks to Felix's haste, you're gonna slam it in.

You hear a loud crack, and meanwhile, as Herja is climbing up this thing, it starts to crumble, and as it starts to lose its stability, the massive ape is able to just tear the thing apart. It clatters, and it goes, as it collapses. As its eyes go dark, and it's a scrap metal, and this sickening, acidic ooze

And as the machine falls around you, you look to the side. Zurn is now considerably far away from you as you see the wreckage of two of these infernal machines in his wake. Roughly how far is he from us? Just him? Like 100 feet? Yeah, just him. It was like 100 feet a while ago. Oh, shit. And... Okay. Okay.

and he's probably 300 feet away. Oh, okay, down. And you see that some of the machines have been brought down by some of the soldiers in the artillery. However, you see a

Some of them, however, are plowing through. And some almost make it to the wall and they're just defeated. However, there are some that are still going. And as they get, their eyes glow brighter and brighter the more soldiers that they kill with these infernal machines. And Zurn turns to you and says, they almost destroyed it! You see he's completely covered in demon blood and monster blood. As a Tabaxi, how long would it take me to get to him?

I would say, what's this, Brennan? It's double my movement speed. So what's your movement speed? 30. 30, so that if I'm sprinting 60, 120 if you did a dash, right? Yes. So 120 if I do a dash. So you do 120 to the single round. Less than 30 seconds. Like, it would be literally, yeah, 12 seconds. I'm going to rush to him, cast Death Ward on him, and then rush back.

Okay. So you sprint up to him and he barely notices you as you place your hand. You cast Death Ward as he sprints forward to another machine. And as he's running forward and as you're running back, you hear and the trees now rumble.

As the glowing eyes of the machines that are alive are blazing wide now, and the trees ahead that haven't been destroyed, you see one false, another false, and then out from the forest, a massive, massive statue.

It seems to be a brass statue, far larger than the one that you had killed. Oh no. Than the machine that you killed. It is being pushed by dozens of minotaurs. As you see that, as it gets closer and closer, you hear the faint wailing.

children on the winds as this massive furnace in its belly you see that is the shape of a humanoid looking figure two massive horns coming out of a blazing helmet blazing out of his eyes and its mouth as it is it is pushed forward this massive statue the flame blazes more and more and more and CERN

immediately stops what he's doing and turns to it and his eyes go wide and for the first time since you have seen him you actually see fear. I'm gonna use a bonus action to chug my superior healing potion. We're so fucked. This is over. Avengers is gonna fall. You see his eyes filled with fear as a massive swirling circle

demonic hellfire spins around the statue as this massive statue is continuing to be wheeled further and further. And as this massive demonic circle rises, it begins to engulf the statue as it blaze, erupts around it. And Zurn turns to you and he says, "This is Moloch!"

He is coming! And you start to see the statue begin to move as flesh begins to appear beneath the statue and the demonic portal rises. And you see him look up to the sky as storm clouds roll over. He thrusts his sword into the air and he says, My queen, give us the blessing we need.

And he lets out a roar that turns into a guttural croak as he begins to grow in size. His eyes blaze red and he hunches forward and two massive wings sprout from his back as you feel an extreme sense of dread but also power over all of you as you all get the benefits of the long rest. No! No!

- And powered by my General Zorn. That is where we're going to set up. - No! - Oh my God! - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You can keep going on and on and on. - You

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