A Very Feywild Holiday Special | Yuletide One-Shot
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Welcome to Legends of Evantris. The smell of cinnamon and clove is so strong that at first it almost hurts to breathe it in. The cold air pricks at your flesh and helps to relieve the ache in your belly. Your head is still reeling from the pull behind your navel. The constant reminder that you've been pulled through space and time. Called forth once more by Oberyn himself.

As you look down at your hands, your knuckles are white from the grip you still hold around the invitation. Though it feels like days, it was but a mere few moments earlier that you heard the sound of jingling bells and the invitation began to hum and vibrate in your bag. You didn't even have a moment to read the words written there.

But as you look down, you see a familiar sight, but this time, the invitation to the twelve days of Yuletide revelry and the battle between the Yew Lord and the Holly King for the Wheel of the Wild. A sharp intake of breath pulls the frosty air deep into your lungs. The shock of the frigid air pulls you from your thoughts, and the still silence that you had endured is pierced by laughter and the sounds of dance and merriment.

You look around to see that you were side by side with your friends. All together in this place. A beautiful frozen hall decorated with colorful baubles, bright twinkling lights, wreaths of evergreen fronds and a roaring hearth. Hundreds of fey creatures flit and dance around you as you look about this gloriously decorated icy ballroom.

Trees taller than any you've ever seen line the walls, covered in ornaments and twinkling lights. Softly dancing snowflakes fall perpetually from the ceiling and dance around you, landing on your nose. You see that they're not snowflakes at all, but the tiniest of fey, dancing together on the cold wind that flits about you. The sound of merriment is broken only by the sound of loud, booming laughter.

Oberyn sits at the head of a line of tables, dressed in lush green velvets and leathers, ivy laced around the antlers atop his head. Dancing lights flicker about his form as he laughs and gulps down heavy drops of wine. He's deep in conversation with the bear of a man. Next to him, just his size, if not slightly larger, sits a man with a twinkle of pure joy in his eye. His thick auburn hair and beard is interwoven with sprigs of holly and mistletoe.

A light dusting of snow make him almost appear to sparkle in the undulating firelight that illuminates the room. He's dressed in fine red velvets and hardy leathers. He appears plump and jolly as he laughs alongside Oberyn. His cheeks and the tip of his nose both blushing a soft pink as if kissed by the winter winds. At his side, a polar bear cub sleeps peacefully by the fire, occasionally stirring as the man reaches down and scratches behind his ear. Both men appear to be firmly locked in conversation.

You make a motion to move forward. And as you do, you hear a voice call out. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Looking behind you, you see a small fae woman. She couldn't be more than two feet tall. Her body is covered in sprigs of holly and ivy.

Who are you and where are we? Her skin is covered in beige fur and spotted with pure white patches. Atop her head are two twisting antlers, a wreath of evergreen hanging from each. She moves towards you on two hooved legs as she ushers you towards the edge of the room in one of the roaring hordes.

You're friends with the Yule Lord, aren't you? I wouldn't interrupt them just yet. I'm sure they want to see you, but only after the festivities have fully begun. I'm Jacqueline Froust. Who are you? Greetings, my name is Morning Frost. Oh, great, you can call me Jackie. Jackie, oh, okay. Jackie Froust. Oh, you guys related? What? Frost and Froust? No. No, I don't believe we are. They're spelled completely different.

How do you spell? F-R-A-U-S-T. That's how you spell Frost. No. What?

No, it's with an O. An O? Yeah. I'm smelling a Romnish hotel! I've never seen you write. I should have gotten hooked on phonics! Hooked on common! She leans to the side and she takes two, um, or four foaming mugs of, um, frothing, warm eggnog and she hands it to each of you. It's freezing in here! Drink up while you catch a death of cold!

Now, who are you, Frost? In the Goblin Horde, all we ever had was hooked on commoners. That was a much different program. Anyway, my name is...

It was very, it was very horrible long. Goblins made it. Anyways, my name is Gringo Grimgrin. It's very nice to meet you. And this little lovely lass is Hootsie. She's a little baby owl, but I know you can see her. But for viewers at home, I'm describing full, full of the theater of the mind. Great. Enchanté, I'm Renée Joubert. What does that mean? Enchanté means it's nice to meet you.

What was that? I didn't know that. Did you swallow something? Is she choking? Uh, no, I- I- Kirby, quit using CPR! No, I don't want to! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don't want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want CPR! I don want

Is this not eggnog? Correct? I'm not sure what an eggnog is. Yeg? Is that from Neoblitz? It's very great. It will keep you really warm. I think she's trying to say eggnog. Oh, yes, it is. It will keep you really warm here. Oh, merci, Sanamani. You're not wearing...

Well, clothes. Uh, what? Am I wearing clothes? Well, not real clothes. Those aren't going to do anything for you outside. But I feel quite warm. No, you don't. It's freezing in here for you. Oh, okay. If there's nothing between you and the middle of that armor and you start to sweat, then you will stick to it and you will experience terrible blisters. Is that what happens when you stick your tongue to a pole? Yes, but your whole body. My whole body is wet. Yeah, and what's your name?

Uh, what a do. The name's Crem-y LeCrew. That's a horrible name, what a do. No, no, that was my greeting to you. My name is Crem-y LeCrew. What's a greeting? Crem-y, it's a pleasure to meet you. Greeting's a Crem-y? Um, where the hell are we? You're at the party.

We have been invited back to... Of course. I heard that you bested Oberyn during the Wild Hunt. So you're his esteemed guest. It's not really a big deal, Hortana. It was just this... Tonight, they're going to shake hands and commiserate the next three days in which they prepare for their battle on the third day, which then, sadly, will put Oberyn to sleep. But that is fine. As the Holly King reigns, we'll celebrate the 12 days of Yuletide Rebellion.

And it is the most fun. He only reigns for 12 days? What? No. We just celebrate for 12 days after, before Oberyn goes to sleep, of course. How long does he sleep, though? I have not known that man since last... Well, half a year. Until they fight again to bring in Midsommar. And Oberyn always wins in Midsommar. But you know you were there, the wild hunt. Oh, yeah. Oh, so they fought probably after we fought.

And then he took his sister-- After we got teleported away, he was probably like, "Man, I need someone that I can beat, so I'm gonna have a Fall guy."

What's a Folger? Oh, like his whippied hands. Yeah, he's like, "Well, I gotta show that I'm still strong. I've got-- oh, hey you, why don't you-- why don't you take a fall for me?" And he's like, "Yeah, that's fine. Just do-- do me a solid in six months." I think he's making a pun. He's like, "I'm going to take a nap. And then fall as a besides!" Oh, 'cause like the season fall? Like is that-- is that what it's-- Yeah, that's what I thought he was-- his magic-- magic besides. No, fall! No, it's mid-summer, it's not mid-fall.

Baby me dot M. If I was at the front, what's it be dot him? I was gonna say the same thing. I mean, I never, I never read hooked on common or enrolled in the program. Have you even read properly? I did read a book. That's why my wisdom is so hard. I don't recall that. Exactly what you're doing right now. Because nobody can speak to Oberyn.

the holly king until it's time for them to commiserate the festivities and they're not ready to do that yet they're not sufficiently drunk do you have any more eggnog oh of course do you have any other types of nog is there other types of nog i just was asking i i don't know myself there's normally the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic variety first is it always this boozy

I don't know what that means. She's asking if it's very busy today. It's really busy. It's very busy. It's a holiday, Ray. Everyone here that could be here who's important. It's very busy. But the turnout looks pretty good. We need to talk.

I can see why you bested Oberyn. Thank you. Yeah, well, thank you. No, it was... We had a little help. Oh, we had a little help from... Not my friend, from Snake Tits. No, not Tatyana. You don't refer to her like that. What? What is wrong with you, Man-House? You cannot say that about Tatyana. Man-House? Man-House! Was that the name of Snake Tits? You cannot say that about Tatyana.

No, this isn't a man house. This is an everybody house. He's referring to the Marilithi train. I don't know who Tatiana is. Who's Tatiana? Is she hot? God damn it. Titania. You're thinking of Titania. Oh no! She's new here. If he meant Titania, he would have said snake Titania.

And it is as if... How about that weather? It's very cold. Because it is right around this time that you see, as Oberyn and the Holy King rise from their seats, a hush falls over the entirety of the room as they stride towards the very center.

Jacqueline leans towards you. This is when they'll shake hands and the celebration will commence. I'm so excited. I'm sure nothing bad will happen. No, no, shut up. Shut up. Just shut up. Be quiet. Drink softly. Shut up. We're shutting up, Jacqueline. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm excited. I'm excited. As she calms herself down, you watch as they both move around opposite sides of the table and head towards the very center of the room.

The Holy King bows down towards Oberyn, his bushy beard bouncing as he chuckles. His jubilant laughter reverberates through the entirety of this room. The Oberyn leans back completely.

completely dressed in his green velvet, a stark contrast to the Holly King. And as they meet towards the center, their eyes meet and they both smile at each other with a knowing look. This is a dance that they have done for time immemorial. As they reach out and clasp hands, you can feel the shock blast through you almost immediately.

Oberyn's face no longer looking jubilant, a sense of worry and fear as you begin to see shadows undulate and twist around the hand of the Holly King.

His nails elongate into razor-sharp black talons as you watch the skin on his hands shift in change into a strange gray leathery shape. His outfit begins to meld with him as you see the beard retract up into his face as it elongates. The crown, the wreath of holly that he'd held aloft on his head

There's something strange about this eggnog.

And as you attempt to move, you realize you're held at bay as a wicked laughter begins to reverberate throughout the halls as you see this creature now four or five feet taller than Oberyn in his form, leered down at him, a tongue lashing from side to side. You see as a woman dressed all in white begins to move forward. She begins to shift and change almost as if you're looking through some sort of illusion as you see that she...

begins to shrink and become squat. A haggard older woman begins to cackle and laugh around as you see that she is not who she looked to be. Presence lining the edge of the wall begin to burst open. One, two, three, four, twelve in total. Twelve small, um...

shriveled, troll-like creatures begin to rush around the room and you're held completely at bay, unable to move as she watches these creatures on her command, snapping her fingers. No one is able to move but her and these creatures as they grab child after child after child from all over the room as they begin to fling it towards the creature in the middle, a large black sack around his back as he pulls it open and throws the children into it.

As you look around, you're still able to see, you see all of the children gone and now in the sack and you hear, I will reign supreme now. Krampus, follow mother. As she begins to move from the room, you see this hulking form, what used to be the jubilant form of the Holly King, now a horrific monster follow after her.

And as he makes his way towards the door, you watch as he turns around, his tongue swinging from his mouth. He whips it around and lashes against Oberyn's face. A thick, greenish-brown, putrid saliva begins to stick to his face and drip down around his chin. You see his eyes roll back. And though you can never imagine something strong enough to put a Fae to sleep,

Whatever this is has done the trick, as Oberyn crumbles to the ground. You all fall unconscious. Does this always happen? And I burn my tongue! You forgot to put the kids to sleep, goddammit! And there weren't even any marshmallows! You wake up and you find yourselves in the same room.

But it's different now. The snow is falling much more heavily. The decorations lining the walls are completely gone. You're alone here. It's cold, and you can feel it to your very bones. You imagine staying in this kind of weather for too long is going to have a number on you.

Where's the invites? Man. Is this a dream? Feywild has some fucked up holidays, huh? Born a way, you didn't speak. You don't have your eggnog in here. The eggnog was poisoned. Stop drinking that. No, it's rum. It's rum. Pour myself some rum. Hey, give me some of that. What can I do? Come on. This will warm you up. Here you go. Here you go.

I'm cold-blooded. Let's get out of here. Was that supposed to happen, do you think? No, I don't think that was supposed to happen.

Are you sure it's not like, you know, a dinner and a show kind of thing? It's like, "Oh no, what happens next?" No, I think that there's great evil happening right now. I mean, they stole children, you saw that happening. The crying and the green goop out of the mouth. So they weren't like volunteers, like, "Oh, Mr. Volunteer, are you part of the show?" And all the kids were like, "Me, me, I would love to!" Who puts children at first to alcohol?

- I want to be in bed! - Renee! Renee! Renee! You know...

You know, in a situation like this, I didn't think that you could really one-up yourself as a blanket that's been, like, you know, damp. But I figured it's more of a deluge blanket. Does anyone know who that woman was? What? What woman? You look like some kind of hag. Yes. There's always hags. Actually, I think I do. Did you clean? Yeah. Jackie? Yes. Oh, no, continue. Yeah, no, I was hiding over there by the table.

table. What? No, it's Jacqueline. No, I wasn't declined to have it in my account.

What happened? Jacqueline Frost. Frost? Frost. Is there a Mr. Jacqueline? What? No, don't worry about it. Do you want her to be? Let's ask important questions. I mean, I'm available if you want. Well, not now. What were you up to? Hey, why not? The one day I did not prepare ceremony. Who was that? That was Gorilla.

Who? G-G-Go-Ryla? No, not Go-Go-Ryla Gadgets. It's G-R-Y-L-A. G-R-Y-L-A G-R-Y-L-A G-R-Y-L-A G-R-Y-L-A She's an egg? She's the Wicked Witch of the Winter?

Yikes.

Normally she doesn't come out until the 12 days. You see, our traditions are this. On the first day, they shake hands. And then three days of revelry. Third night, they fight. And Oberyn always loses. Those are the rules. Oberyn always loses in the Holy King reigns. In the Wheel of the Wilds, it turns. Every year. Always. If that doesn't happen, then we can't move into the 12th of Yuletide revelry.

And then when does the six-month nap happen? What a nap happen is? A nap happen? Is that a new type of family name? I want to know when the six-month nap happens. It's nice to be learning about other cultures. After the 12 days of revelry, we celebrate for 12 whole days. And then Oberyn makes his way to the wilds and he sleeps. The king reigns. But that's not happening now. No, and if it doesn't happen...

She said, I don't know. I'm so scared. If it doesn't happen, well, the winter court will surely perish. You can see it. The storms are raging outside harder than they ever have. And...

The grove of the eternal Everglade is dying. Hmm. It sounds like you have a terrible problem, Jackie. It is so lucky that Oberyn called you to us. He must have sensed something was happening. Well, we can be heroes if we need to be. I signed, just in case you awoke, we only have two more days to live. Were there others who did not stay behind? Did they flee? They fled into the...

Oh, that's terrible. So what can we do? How can we help you? The Holy Halls. No. What?

all of the children. Will you do that for us? And you're sure they're called the Yule Lads? Can you please roll a d100 for me? Can you skip this song, by the way? No, 57. Okay. Notated. Yep.

Oh. No, I'm sure. I read it in a parchment. Oh. Did you see it in a document? I didn't. What? No, in a parchment. Oh, parchment. Okay. Well, I guess we'll take care of the you lads and, um... 57. Oh. I know. I saw. I marked it down. Oh, no. You'll pay for that later. Oh, no. But we need to make our way. This isn't D&D. We will follow you, Shaquille. It's the only way there. We have to travel through the

Rove of the Eternal Everglade and across the frozen winters until we make it to the holly holes. Are they holly jolly holes? Huh? Sure. Yeah, but we're gonna have... And I don't know how well you're gonna do in those outfits, but it's what you've got. So

Are you ready? Can we get special, like, winter outfits? Like at least a jacket or something. Do you have any suggestions? Well, I don't know. You probably should have changed before you came to a land of eternal winter. But, you know, I can't make those choices for you. We didn't really have a choice. We kind of just started out the invention being teleported here. Well, to be fair,

Your invitation did ring with jingling bells and you did chose to look at it. Oh, that's true. Actually, I'm pretty sure that we have really fine, heavy fox pelts in your bag of holding. I open the bag of holding.

Oh, yeah, that would be great if it had been yesterday before these horrible winds and storms began a-brewing. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, man, you're going to get so many blisters, Renee. Very terrible. If you need someone to lance the blisters, I'll volunteer. So, we should be on our way then. Let's do it.

Whoa. Whoa.

No!

They're not completely gone yet, but we have two days. We have two days. We can do this. Why would they call them evergreens if they're not evergreen? Well, they were evergreen until... until... Gryla... Sorry, notes. Until Gryla did what she did and stole the Holly King. If there's one thing that Gricko Grimgrin hates...

It's not really children being thrown into bags and used for sacrifice. It is ill-fitting names! We will get to the bottom of this, and we will save the eternal evergreen! Forever! But it's really cold out here for me, so... She snaps her fingers, and you see as where this fawn had stood is now a plump snow woman. And as she begins to bounce along, she motions to you with her branch-like arm, saying,

Well, follow me! Hey Grammy, you see how plump this snow woman is? What's your point? She's very plump. Made of snow. It's a very interesting concept. Does she look big like Benji because of her googly eyes? Yes. Very much so. Uh, well... Okay, let's go. We must follow her or we don't have much time to waste. Well, let's go. We only have two days. I'm very chilly. I mean, how far are we going to be...

If it's gonna take us two days, I mean, we're gonna freeze to death before anything else happens, aren't you think? Yeah, probably, but especially if you stand there and you don't keep moving. Alright, let's go, come on. I'm gonna, uh, wild shape into a walrus. Red is not fitting to this looking... You'll be moving at half speed on the snow. Oh, this is pretty fast. Can I, like, slide? Yeah, if you were on ice.

Oh, fun. But the snow is very thick and it's hard to move through. Okay, you see, I'll ride you. John, it's your idea. Then we can ride one of us. That's ridiculous. But you did last time one of us.

Yeah, one of us can ride you, one of us can ride you. Don't do that! That would be an insult to the Holy King! I would yet. Yeah, Renee! I thought you were learning about other customs and cultures! That goes to show what you know! But you would have done it anyway! I would know! A reindeer? That seems very ill-feeling for this adventure! Why would I ever turn into a reindeer? But what kind of... what would have been more spectral to turn into that would be of this climate?

You have a cold. You should really use some tissues. They're all frozen in my bag, sweetheart. I have some Mucinex if you want to borrow one or two. I think Mucinex is actually a demon lord.

Have you been practicing demon worship, honey? Do you worship demons? You don't know what I worship. That's awfully private, Rico. I don't want it. I don't want your voodoo tissues. I mean, if you're trying to pry, like... Did you go down a crossroads and meet old Mucinette? I'm just still a woman. How are you speaking? No, I chipped it out again. I thought it was going to be a holly jolly Christmas time adventure, and we were going to do... What?

What? This is Yuletide! A holly jolly Yuletide adventure, and it would be Diddy Kong Racing appropriate, and the first thing I thought of was Walrus. Pardon me. Mm-hmm. You could be a Walrus if you want. It'll just take you longer. No, it's fine. I'll ride Meowl Bear. She's fine. She's a snuggly penguin.

Penguin? No, penguin. A penguin? Penguin. Do you mean penguins? Penguins? Penguins? Penguins? Penglings, right? Penglings. I love penguins. Trust me, everyone thinks that the North Pole has penguins. But no, they are from the South Pole. They're not even anywhere near this place. They still can deal with ice. This isn't a pole.

Well, no, she said there was an ice and that's why the walrus couldn't slide, right? So you have the same problem. No, this is forest floor covered in snow. Very, very lots of snow. But we're going to get through the forest if you move your asses. And then you'll get to

There is an eternally frozen lake. And if you want to be a walrus and slide across that, you could. I would very much like to do that. So why don't we hurry on to that? Sure. Let's go. Let's go. So you make your way. You make your way through the...

You make your way down the slope and eventually find yourselves in the Grove of the Eternal Everglade. And you see that towards the bottom... Evergreen. Evergreen. Sorry. Yeah. Evergreen. Evergreen. I wrote it... I thought I was going to be like, oh, Evergreen. Yeah. I just wrote it incorrectly. It's Evergreen. Or autocorrect. I'm going to blame autocorrect. Yeah. Fucking autocorrect. Fucking autocorrect. You make your way into the forest and you see that the

bottoms of the trees are still that perfect deep green. It's at the tops where you can slowly see that they are draining of their life. And as you make your way through, it's eerily quiet. On occasion, you see a reindeer flit out of the shadows. And Jackie says, "Ooh, that's one of the Holly King's prized reindeer. They live in the grove. They're lovely."

They can traverse anything. Should we eat one? What? No. Are they unaffected by this, like, blistering cold? Of course. They can traverse through anything. Oh, well. Should we try to wrangle one and ride it? You could. Is it disrespectful? Well...

Why so risky? Alright, well, just give me a moment. Don't kill it. I'll use bonus action to change my psychic focus to bestial form, which gives me advantage on animal handling checks. And then I will start to stalk forward through this snow. I'll be like, hello, reindeer. Greetings. Please... Please...

We are but a group of humble adventurers. Please allow us to ride you to our next destination. Roll animal animal. Fourteen. Fourteen.

you watch as the reindeer actually moves towards you. Oh, thank you for the... That is a roll on the Naughty or Nice table. So, Henska, you get to choose one of the party members, Frost, Gricko, Crammy, or Renee, to force them to roll on the Naughty or Nice table. Naughty or Nice.

So once you do that, let me know and we will resolve that. The reindeer slowly moves towards you and you see that there is joy to his face as he leans down and bows before you. He raises himself back up. What are you gonna do?

I will attempt to approach and pet the reindeer to familiarize him with my touch. Roll an animal nameplate. Do you like bees? Night team. You slowly bring your hand down to the reindeer's fur. And you pet between his antlers and down along his back. And his fur is soft and warm. And he's...

his head moves in and he snuggles towards you. He seems to be enjoying it. Does it look like he can carry my weight? Yeah, easily. He seems to be very familiar with your touch, Rosby. Yes. Let's not have to get into it. He's familiar with your scent now that you've rubbed it all over him. Okay.

So I need you to roll a d100 on the not-of-your-knife stable. Give me some 54 in addition to that earlier 50. I need you to roll a d4 for me, please. Oh my god.

Uno. One. Color in one spot on your holiday Christmas stocking. We all got one of these. Choose something from the Holly King's bag of gifts. He has no power. He shaved his beard. Oh, there's so many good ones.

It's a big old sack! Feeling like a trifold thing going on in here? Uh huh, uh huh. Like this? Is this cool? This is one piece? Yeah, that's one. Okay. Oh. I uh... Oh no. I got a legendary jolly red bag of holding. This large red sack has a thick white fur lining. It acts as a normal bag of holding but can also change in size depending on how tight the cord is pulled.

It ranged from the size of a cat to the size of a small pouch. As a bonus action, whoever is holding the bag can alter the size. Every time the size of the bag is changed, it lets out a hearty, warming laugh of the winter's father. As an action, this bag can be used to trap an entity that has been naughty.

Well, I...

This bag just appeared in my hand. Did you get this from me? You watch as the reindeer leans towards you and nuzzles into you. I think we're friends now. My name is Morning Frost. These are my companions, as well as the snow woman over here. If you will help transport us, you could be a hero and aid us in our journey to save Yuletide. He digs into the ground and nuzzles you. He doesn't even understand a damn thing you're saying, but he likes the sound of your voice.

Means. I will attempt to get on the beast. You begin to climb onto the beast and you see as he's sniffing at you and he rears back almost repulsed as he knocks you from his back. I need you to roll a d6 for me, please. You take three points of damage as you are hit by one of his hooves as he knocks you to the ground. Oh no. I guess I probably should have warned you to ride when...

Reindeers, one of the Holly King's prized reindeers. You have to be at peak amounts of merriment, and you're really not looking all that merry. So for the sake of pulling things back, when you color in your stocking, you'll be at peak amounts of merriment. You'll be able to mount the reindeer. You have more coloring to do. Oh, I have more coloring to do. Excuse me. So, I guess, well, that does put us in that... Wait, right now. I have more coloring to do, or no? No, not right now.

So when you gain merriment, you get to color in your stocking. Oh. So we fill it out. You get to ride the reindeers. But they will not accept you on your back unless you have peak amounts of merriment. Well, perhaps I need to tell a joke in order to make merriment. Oh, maybe. What does one snow woman say to the other snow woman? Close. It smells like carrots. What? Is that even a joke? That's a fucking hilarious joke. That's just grossing! Wait, because...

Yeah. Because I got a carrot nose. I don't get you. I don't make fun of the fact that I have a carrot face. I'm not making fun of it. Yes, he is. It's hilarious. No, I'm not. I'm not making fun of it. He's got a big nose. He's making fun of it. I need you rolling the knot of your nice table. Oh,

Is that a D100? It is a D100. And because you are doing something that is naughty, I need you to roll a D20 and subtract the number from your roll. Oh, fuck. It's already naughty as fuck. I got a nine. So let's see if it's negative. Oh, so you...

- You got a negative 11. - You got a negative 11. - I got a negative 11. - Oh, the bag is black and the other one was red. You're gonna get fucking cold for Christmas. - Bring it on, why are you igniting in flames? - Ah! Ah! Ah!

It's gonna get deleted from this one show. I just feel it in my cold bones. As you begin to make... You can put these on the table, because I'm gonna be using them a lot. So, as you make this joke, you feel a strange sense of power come over you, as if the forest itself manipulates emotions and energies here, and it is not pleased by your actions. Ah! My toes are frostbitten!

The snow and frost are biting me toes and they will not stop and it hurts to walk. Ah! Fuck! What's going on, Grisha? Mom! What happened? The snow is literally biting my foot! Let me take a look at you! Oh, fuck! This is endless! Calm down, calm down. Do a handstand. Oh, me feet! Oh, me feet! I don't know, Becca, I don't know. Oh, oh, oh! Trout's a snake! And I turn into a snake.

You're all foot now. I never thought I could hear a snake scream before. That's remarkable. Now I'm like a pleasurable snake. I'm gonna pick up the snake and start thrashing it around. I need to run!

I need you to roll on the naughty or nice table. Oh no. And because you're being naughty, I need you to subtract a d20. I'm trying to help him. He's just turning out of the snake. Or 84. Wait, no, 48.

42. Please choose from the naughty bag. Oh, no. You're whipping a snake. Whipping a snake, trying to get him out of his form so he can lose God's grace. I'll lead down to Jack Queen and I'll say, Jackie, we should probably keep going. I don't want to see what he was. No, you really should. And this is horrible, what's happening to you. But you know, there are citizens here in the Grove of the Eternal Evergreen. And I'm sure if you brought joy to them, you could fill up your mirrorless.

Oh.

Are we not doing anything with these reindeer? Oh, they'll be here all day. No, we can't ride them until we feel very merry. Oh. I'll be back. Well, we could go see Ginger. She always needs help. The toy maker's been super busy this year. There's a really rude door that I need to have words with. And we can always go see Carol. Carol?

What do you think? I mean, we love doors. I feel like, uh, does it have knockers? What? Does it have, uh, you know, those things? No, it doesn't. It's just simply a keyhole. A mouth. Let's skip the door.

I immediately drop Corco, get down all fours, and immediately start shoveling snow into my mouth. Oh. Oh, God. Renee. It's so good. I'm so dehydrated. Are you okay? I'm just... She's an addicted person now. Okay. Hold on. This is good. You're missing out. Why don't you take us to Jandra, and we'll see what we can do for her. Sure. Let's do it.

And you begin to make your way through the forest, Renee occasionally stopping and shoveling snow into your mouth. Every time you feel that you've completed that which you had been trying to swallow. Gringo, nothing you can seem to do is getting the pain to stop. The frost is biting you everywhere. Frost, get off my fucking feet! I'm not doing anything. Frost, oh, you're related to these assholes, ain't you? I'm related. What was your plan to hold out?

Listen, if you make me a snow cone, I'll take a look at your foot. How about that? Okay. All right, make me a snow cone. How do you make a snow cone? Just pile a bunch of snow on the cone and I'll do that. I'm going to try to, like, make a cone out of snow. Yeah, sure, you do that. Roll performance checks. See how much of a cone it looks like. Okay. Make sure you flavor it, too. Flavor it? Don't ask that. That's a bad idea. Yeah, no, I don't know. Wait, flavor it. Okay, no, hold on. That's fine. Uh,

I'll go and I get to have some good berries. Oh, berries! Here we go. Do a little bit of a thing. Roll on the naughty or nice table. Add a d20 to your roll. I care for it. This is very good. I'm very excited to try your cone. Your snow cone. Your what? Your corn. That was a little too close to a few things. 45 plus 58.

Rolled from the nice, or pulled from the nice bag. Oh, here you go, Renee. My performance check was not very good, though. My performance check was a 11. It's a rough approximation of a snow cone. It doesn't look great, and it really doesn't taste great, either. They were not ripe good berries. They're slightly sour. It could be better. It's flavor. So just berries. I haven't seen Renee stick this much watch stuff in her mouth. That one time I came home early to the house, and Moth was over.

Martha's never been over to my room, I don't know what you're talking about! Oh. Ooh! Oh, let me take a look at your foot, come on. I suddenly hold out my hand, and a rapier appears. That's not a snooker! You got it! Have you ever... You watch as... Oh no, it's just the rapier, right?

Read it. The Rapier of the Mouse King. Oh, boy. Rapier very rare. When you hit a creature of the fate of this weapon, you double any damage dealt. Critical strikes always deal max damage. This blade ignores any mundane resistance a fake creature has. I am going to... Have you ever seen 384 mice in one place? Never mind. I am the Mouse King now.

Is it Mouse King or Mouse King? Mouse King. Mouse King with cold feet. My fucking feet. Just walk on your hands. Can we pause for a moment? I need to put... Sure. We're almost there. I mean, we've been pausing for a while. No, no, we've been walking while they're talking. I've been caroling him. Oh, caroling him. Oh, caroling. Oh, Utah, Utah. Day is here. Oh.

I want to take his shoes off and take a look at his foot and see if I can help him with his feet at all. A little medicine check. Carolyn, grab me. Come on, lead us off. Fifteen. I'm looking at his feet. You can see where it's warm and it's...

He's being bitten and it's not the frostbite you think of. Every single individual snowflake, no matter where it lands on him, has sharp razor-like teeth and they're biting into him over and over and over and over again. And you wish that it were something that you could protect him from, but there are far too many snowflakes to do anything about this.

Fuck! Doctor Zerdo, you just keep your socks on. Do you have perhaps any socks that could defend against this terrible plague? I think I'll send her socks. It is around this time that you make your way out of the trees and in front of you, you see a large gingerbread house. Oh. But it's been completely ransacked. The candy has fallen all over the place, ripped from the sides. The peanut brittle windows have been cracked.

broken in. The door is hanging off of its chocolate hinges. The candy cane fence post is torn up and you can see as you look at the ground tracks. Twelve trollish tracks. The Yule lads have been here and they've caused some havoc. Those damn lads. Oh no! Poor Ginger! I hope she's okay!

I'll follow.

However, we're going to find Ginger. Well, we need to clean the house, perhaps, in order to find her. You can clean the house? Well, I mean, I am capable of cleaning a house. Could we just, like, say, Ginger, if you're here, why don't you call out? Yeah, that's a good idea. Ginger! Ginger! Ginger! Ginger! Ginger! Hey, oh, I know how to get Ginger. And as you look down, you see, as Jacqueline raises up what looks to be one gingerbread arm...

Oh, I'm gonna be sick! But that's her gumdrop buttons! Oh no, we're gonna have to find all of her gumdrop buttons! Not her gumdrop buttons. Oh, then I'll tell you.

Do you know the horror of... Well, oh boy. Are you sure that's her arm? Or maybe she was like making cookies and that's just a piece of... You think she would make a gingerbread cookie and then eat it? What kind of monster do you think she is? So she's like a gingerbread person. All right, all right. I should have figured that out. Well, I think I might be able to fix her right up. If we can find all the pieces, I'm sure we could. Let's find them. Stop looking. Where would the eulach have gone? Ahem.

I start looking. See if you can find any tracks for the lads. I will start outside and I will search and navigate the house to see if any of her parts have been thrown out there. Six. You look around and it's hard to see. You do see crumbs here and there. You imagine if a room were cleaner, it would probably be a lot easier to find the pieces of ginger. I can't see anything from this mess and I'll just start picking things up. You know how you do find ginger?

What are you guys doing? It's... They're making a ginger snap joke.

It's not funny because she's not a ginger snack. No, it's important. It's hilarious. Have some fucking respect. I'm pressing digitation here. Oh! I need you to roll in on your nice table for me and subtract me 20. Oh, no! I'm legitimately trying to help. Please. You almost added to a TV. I'm going to go around to the gingerbread house and see if I can find any parts of ginger. Roll an investigation check. That is a 51. 51.

You barely make it. You can pick something out of the good bag. 14. So mechanically, if I'm like cleaning with pet presentation, it means that anyone looking inside can roll at advantage. Well, then can I attempt to look now that I've cleaned something? Ooh, that's no good. 14.

14. You're able to look around and you don't find all the pieces, but you're able to find another arm, two buttons, and a little bit of candy cane that you imagine came from a beautiful candy cane dress. Oh. It's going to take a little bit more help from your friends. You can't do this alone. I am going to see if I have any spells that help. I'll just kind of keep cleaning up, helping them investigate. Oh, I know what to do. It looks like we...

Looking around the house, you're able to find a couple more pieces of her dress. I'll bring them inside. Someone put out a pan so we can put all these pieces in. Oh, of course. And I pull out like a Ziploc Tupperware and I'll crack open the top and I'll say this will keep it real safe. Jackie, put the arm in the Tupperware. Yes, let's put her in the Tupperware. She doesn't need to breathe or anything. This is airtight. Don't put a top on it.

Oh, well, there's no reason. We're just putting down the hearth! I'll put a close one in. Um, I think we need a few more hands. Uh, come on, lads! Let's whistle while we work! And I'm going to cast Conjure Woodland Beings, and twelve Festive Satyrs will emerge. Oh! Or no, four Festive Satyrs, not twelve.

Okay. Of course not. Okay, lad chef, we're good for that. 12. Chip, chop, chip, no drinking on the job. All right, so all of you roll investigation at advantage because you have the help of satyrs and cremie. Dirty. 19. 13.

Eleven. You all begin to work and though Jackie is still a snow woman, she's not able to assist you but she is holding the Tupperware with holes poked in it and every time you come by with more pieces she opens it and allows you to drop them in and after about an hour of cleaning up this place, what appears to be a workshop where cookies were baked and stockings were made for the children,

you are able to find all of the pieces of ginger. As Jackie spills them out on the table, she begins to put them together and you're able to see that this would form a gingerbread girl, but

I don't have anything to adhere the pieces. I've got it. And I go into my bag, uh, my pack, and I pull out my alchemy jug, and I smack it and I say, "Happy Holidays!" And it'll turn into basically like sticky icing. Okay.

I will allow it. If I may. Yes, yeah, that's a good one. So you do that and you say this and as you pop it open, the room is filled with the scent of icing, of sugar. And you are able to all dip your fingers in as you add the sticky icing to all the seams and you piece ginger back together again.

And you wait and you watch. There you go, Ginger. Jesus. Come on. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus. Put it back together. Everything's fine. You're fucking gross. No. Yes. Oh. And you wait and you watch. It takes a moment, but the icing begins to harden.

You see her gumdrop, or you see her small little red candy eyes flit open. She jumps up. She looks around at you.

What are you doing here? We're just putting up... Oh, oh, Jackie! It's so good to see you, Jackie. Are you here to collect the snowmen? We're friends with Jackie! I mean, are you here to collect the stockings? Stockings? I create stockings for... Oh no, I remember now. Those rowdy lads. They came in and they stole all of my stockings for the children. They tore up my... House is perfectly fine.

As good as it's gonna get. Oh, you've brought me so much merriment! And perhaps I can give you a little bit more, and I'll whip out my red sack, and I will reach in and I will attempt to pull out a present for her by spending one of my charges. Roll a d4. A d4? Oh, sorry, so roll a d100. Uh, 57. Now roll a d4 for me, please.

Four. Please color in four, um, four bits of, you add, you get four merriment for this gift. Oh, I couldn't take anything from you. Not at all. But I would be honored if you would light my yule tree and take from the gifts beneath it. Uh,

I would be more than happy to. I will walk up to the yule tree. Do I see a yule tree? Out in her yard, there was a large yule tree. And I will conjure up light. I'll use the light hand trip and conjure it at the top of the tree. It's beautiful. Please add one merriment to your stocking. Oh, yeah. And then roll a double for me, please. Me? Yeah. Oh, would you like some...

You can add two more berries for your gift. Would you like some berries for your cookies?

Um, yes, sure. They're very good. I don't know why you're giving me so many things when I'm trying to give you stuff, but okay. Oh, we'll take your things, too. We like your things. Yeah, well, you know, go light my tree. Oh, we're lighting the tree? Yeah, light up my tree and take one of my gifts. Oh. It's really not hard. Yeah, all right. Let's go. I was going to make you, like, some friends or something. You're already married. You're already married. Married is just me. Oh, well, okay. I'm the merriest I've ever been. I'm going to light one of the things on the tree.

- Glorious. - I'll light a few candles. - I'll light two, oh, candles? I'll get up there and I'll be like, do I pull anything out of the bag? - I need, will you just hold on? You've got a lot to resolve. - I'm just very excited. - So everyone who added some illumination to the tree gets one merriment automatically, and then you roll a d4 to see if you get additional, how much additional merriment you get. - Oh.

So there's one D4. One D4. So does this little tiny ear count as one? That counts as his head. Oh, his head. Okay. So his head's one. Would a one leaf count as one? One leaf counts. I'm feeling very merry.

And then each one of you needs to roll a d20. No, each one of you gets to pull from the from the happy sack. Oh shit, fuck yeah. Happy sack? The happy sack. She's giving you one present from beneath her tree. Okay, and this is separate from what I pull out of the sack? No, I can't remember. Okay.

So yeah, probably separate. This is the present. And then I also attempted to reach in and grab it. Yes, yes, two separate things. Okay. Um... I found the midwinter exploding cracker.

What does that do? A pulling cracker stems from a long-standing midwinter tradition with a deadly twist. When pulled, it lets out a mighty explosion. Two creatures must pull on either end. Each creature must make a competing strength check. A character can feign pulling and forgo their role, losing automatically.

The winner increases in merriment but feels the full force of the explosion and the loser takes half damage and gains a mark of naughtiness. When the cracker explodes, it deals 3d6 force damage icing to both parties. If... Yes, yes. So the loser takes half. Oh, okay. Well, I got this... Looks like I can't pull both ends of this.

Renee, would you care to have a strength contest? I'm still opening my present. Would you like some of this snow? Yes. I'm telling you out of the sand. Well, this is so great. I can, I feel it. You're already bringing merriment back to the grove. I open my present and I got the tabard of the Holy King. Very rare. A handsome red tabard with gold brocade. Ooh.

A tabard? Tabard. The head of a bear surrounded by holly springs emblazoned in silver... Springs! Springs.

Embracend and silver upon it, these tab-outs are immediate signs of individuals to be welcomed and accepted amongst the fake cards. When making a Charisma-based check against fake targets while wearing the tab-out, a player may add an extra d6 to our rolls.

Oh, this looks like it may fit me. It looks great on you. Oh, I got one too, and I will match it now. By the way, Ginger inside, she had to keep cooking because when the children are returned, I told her they're going to need cookies to feel better about themselves. That's a good point. Oh, me too.

We all have tablets except Frost. Yeah, look, we're very cool. Frost, you're not in the tablet club. I don't even know what a tablet is. But you... I did attempt to reach into the job. So you reach into it and you feel like you can't... That's not a gift that you can give to someone. That is a gift that you can pull for yourself. And you rolled a 57. So you just pull from the...

You get to pull from the red bag. Perhaps I will experience the tavern. I don't know what to do, otherwise you can rock it with the sack. The red sack. I found a small red and white striped sleigh. It's a toy. And it's really pretty. Well crafted. I use miniature forms so that I can fit in the sleigh. Look up at everyone. Hey! What happened to you, Frosty? I run over and pick him up immediately. Hey! Yossi!

Can you like grab it now? Like throw him in the snow. Can you make it so small? No, no, no. I'm going to eat it later. Why would I throw him in it? What? What? The snow. I'm going to eat it. Oh, you're not going to eat it? Oh, right. I thought you meant him. Well, I'll just stay in here for ten minutes. Yikes. Um, well...

Who else needs help? Gin, Jackie, Jacqueline. We could go see the Toymaker. You've experienced one of his toys now, Tiny Frost Man. Yes. So we could see the Toymaker. We still could go talk to that rude door and give him peace of my mind. Or we could go see Carol. Let's go to the Toymaker. That sounds really fun. I'm into it.

Do we have to go through the snow though or- Oh no. Or don't care for that. Isn't- there's like snow everywhere, you can't really escape it. Do I know, DM, that if I cast Water Walk that it would help us walk on the snow? No, thank you, I appreciate the advice.

Good, good, good, good, good, good. So, you want to go see the Toymaker? Yes! And let's bring her. Let's bring Frosty and his girl on form. Oh, he might like us. Oh, he would like us. It's very charming. And we will bring him joy. Frosty, you're so charming and merry. Frosty sparks joy. You're so very charming and merry, Frosty. That's why they call me Frost.

You begin to make your way with Jackie leading you out through the forest. Ginger's leaning out her door, waving at you. You can see a fire roaring in the hearth and the smell of cookies as she begins to bake for the return of the children. And there is a small bit of merriment that has formed around this place. And as you look up, you can see that the creeping brown color that is slowly...

inking its way down the trees seems to have, um, moved back a bit as the green seems to be rising up as the forest itself fills with merriment. We did something good! Yeah, and it won't take us too long to get to the toy maker shop. Let me know when ten minutes is up because I'm going to rapidly expand and crush Renee. Ten minutes stops.

I rapidly expand and crush them. I make Snow Ages a lot of nice shoppers. Oh, you broke it, Troy! Oh, frozen! You roll on the not-your-nice list. Mine is a d20. Mine is a d20. Um, minus 15. Oh, I don't know why I rolled it. Yeah, I'm working on it. Where are my d20s? There's one. You need one? Yeah, there's the other one.

No, this is a d20. What do you have? I hate that. Oh, d10? I need them to be together. Give me 50, 100. Give me 50, 35. Minus 14. Yeah, 35 minus 14. Take something from the nonny bag. I'm sorry, Renee.

It's okay, I'm quite content, yeah. Of course, no. Is hacking in blood hurt you? No, it's blood a little bit and I have to go take a piss later. Oh, everything is hilarious.

Hey, Frosty. Yes. You want to hear a joke? Yeah, I would love to hear a joke. You know how this whole time, you know how you found a cloak? Isn't that hilarious? And you could have put it on the whole time to talk to your master for like months. We're talking like years now. It feels like it. It feels like it. And you did it and we literally got it in episode one. Yeah.

Isn't that funny? That is quite amusing for us. That is very funny. That's pretty funny. That's good. That's a deep joke. Oh my gosh! Jacqueline Frost on Jack Frost! Gregor, what's good with your feet? Oh my fucking feet! Ah, shit!

Oh, well, it's so great that you said that because if you look over yonder, you can see the Toymaker Shop. Oh, yonder. And it is at the... Oh, yonder! Where the fuck is my name? Where does that even come from? Yonder. That sounds like some old man's name. I bet if I got hooked on common, I would have learned the etymology of it.

And as you look through the trees, you see what appears to be a toy maker shop. The ground around it is littered with toys. And once again,

Everything seems to be broken. The door hanging on its hinge. And as you look in, Jackie runs in really quickly. No, Jackie, not again! Jacqueline! Oh, no! I'm glad to have you gone! And she runs in and she looks around. Oh, it looks like... It looks like they stole so many things. All the children's toys. How horrible.

And you hear a small whimpering in the corner. And as you turn and look, you see a nutcracker on the shelf. Oh. Crying. Oh. Rusty! It's Wally Lee, though, man. Are you kidding me? Look at this guy. I'm sorry, man. This isn't some macabre comedy. What?

This is not supposed to be the cup! My fucking feet! Ow! And a skeletal voodoo gator hand will start patting the nutcracker on the head. You do that, you do that. You should throw me a jug, yeah, maybe you could touch it. I wonder why he's crying. The nutcracker...

I'll walk over. Give it a cracker. Salut, monsieur. Why are you so sad? Are you the toy maker? Do you need a hug? No.

I'm just crying. I'm not gonna keep crying, but he just keeps crying at you. And as you talk to him, he's crying louder and louder and louder. I cast Calm Emotions on him. Okay. He has to make a Charisma saving throw 17. He's a toy? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I hope you feel better. And everyone within 30 feet of me, I guess, has a 20-foot radius has to make a... I don't mind!

Hey man, it's not so that bad. It's not so bad. You have a bad. It could be a lot worse. That tracker continues to cry. Oh, will this make you feel better? I'll play you a jaunty little tune and I'll take out my great fiddle and I'll terribly play the first bar of Silent Night over and over again.

Is this a dig at me? Hey, Krabby man, that's pretty good. Frost, how are you feeling? I got a 12. Does that mean I'm calmed or not? You're calmed. If it's anything below 17, you're calmed. Oh, Frosty. Is this helping? You know what I realize is funny? Is she's Frost...

You're Frost. No, it's Froust. And all of these little fucking assholes barting my feet are Frost. Oh, I know what's wrong. Hmm?

Everyone's calm. I'm gonna... Yeah, don't crack a disease, boy. I'm gonna dig in my pack and find a big old walnut. And I'm gonna reach behind him and open his mouth and go... You reach behind him and you open his mouth. He's got his hands in front of his face as he's crying. You reach behind him and you attempt to crack the nut and you hear...

I just thought I was giving you purpose in life. And he continues to cover his mouth and cry. Now, in throes of pain, I need you to roll on the knot of your knife. I'm sorry, yeah. I think, Grammy, I don't think this is more of like a metaphysical challenge. And you can add a d20 to this because you weren't trying to hurt him. That is a, no, it's a three.

There's no money. Please pull from the naughty pad. I'm sorry! Oh my god! Hey, it's not so bad. Jackie, what do we have to do to get into Tor? I don't know. We can always hit box. Oh, where is that? It's just over there on the shelf. Why don't you wind her up? Oh yeah, put on some tunes. I mean, I tried, but... Put on some tunes, girl. I'll do it. What did you get?

Does anyone feel like I'm getting a little stiff? What? I'm getting a little stiff. Step back from the nutcracker right away. Please put the nuts down right now. I'm getting a little stiff. Don't you think? Put the nuts down. Are you getting a little stiffy? No, I think this is calming me. I'm turning into wood. I believe I'm turning into wood and nothing anyone does or says will change my mind. Are you turning into wood?

I think so. Maybe when I was yelling at that tree earlier, like a few weeks ago, maybe this is fucking karma for that. Looks like walnut wood. Oh my God. Crummy. Crummy. I mean, it might not be so bad. Oh my gosh, look at his fingernail.

It's oak, it's a knot. I need you to roll on the knotty table and I need you to subtract a d20. You're still chill, by the way. This is a one minute concentration and then you're no longer chill, I guess. It's been a minute already. Alright, it was fine. Yeah, good fucker, man. Good fucker, man. Uh...

I failed. You roll one, you pull out another one. This is a fucking nightmare. Oh, is that Spalted Tamarin? From... Oh, you... Oh my god! It matches exactly! It matches exactly! I'm turning one! I'll walk over and I'll... You're not gonna be that bad. I have to roll a d12. I get to roll a d12! Oh no. Oh no. Eight.

Okay, hold on a second.

I have to keep all this shit straight. I remember from last time, I'm writing mine down. I'm going to go under a table and just scoop a bunch of snow off the table. You watch as Gricko begins to tell you this. His shape begins to shift and change. His nose, longer, slowly begins to shrink and become shorter. Stubby warts begin to pop up around his body. His nails begin to thicken and crack.

as he turns into something you've seen before. One of the Yule Lads stands before you. Gricko, you have taken the form of Skir Gobbler, a Yule Lad with a great affinity for skir, which is yogurt. Gricko, you look quite good. No! Chilly chocolate!

I'm just calling you. I'm just going to start whiting the boxes. Bring me more skin. You got me, DLRM. Oh, fuck. You got me, Danimal. Who are you? What have you done with Bricko? I'll just blast him in the face. Oh, no. I'm a lamb.

I'm just delayed. I need some... I need some skier. Is that you, Bricko? What are you doing with Bricko? I will not rest until I have all of the yogurt. Hold on, hold on. On the go. You can have it. I'm on the...

I need yogurt and I'm on the go! I think I need some gogut from Pronto! Well how about some icing? I can't do this again until the next dance, so I just have to make do with some icing and I hand out my alchemy jar. Icing is not remotely close to yogurt! It's the best I got, why don't you give it a try? Chilly chilla!

Surely we can make some yogurt. It is at this time that you inspect the music box for us. Trilly trillot, be gone thought. You better make it roll the naughty table. I love it though, I'm nice. I can't help it. I'm a steer goblin. You flip

the music box over and you see that on the very bottom there is a little knob you can turn. You write it. You turn the knob and you watch as it pops open and a beautiful sugar plum dancer begins to spin around and dance. She looks out at all of you and she says, Oh, well, hello. Hi there. How's it going? It's going on. Things have gotten a little off the rails. Not for the nutcracker you see.

They tried to take him when they came. They dropped him and broke his tooth. Oh no. Oh man, I made it worse. Does that mean he can no longer crack nuts? It does. It means that he's an agonizing pain. What's right? Granny.

Good thing you're made of wood now. What can we do to help you? You know what would be really great for the pain of the tooth? If only we had some ski and that I may gobble. And that he may also gobble, if he would know where I can find some ski. That doesn't happen. Oh! I don't think this will have any sort of sweet tooth, but I do have some icing. It's a vanilla flavored. Whatever is a favorite in the Feywild. How do we fix him? Ooh.

I believe that the elf on the shelf has the tooth. If you just take it or ask him for it. Oh, mask our parts! If you have magics to do so, you can mend the nutcracker, and then he would be able to mend nuts again. Can I ask you a question? And then be able to roast chestnuts for all of the land when the children are turned. A rat tooth, yeah, I can get it. I need to ask you an important question. Are you carved of wood? I'm not, no.

Well, do you know any of the folks that are carved from wood here? Yes. What's that like? Like, have you talked to them about what it's like to be made out of wood? Well, you could ask the wooden puppet. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey. My name's Pinocchio. Pinocchio? What kind of name is that? It's the name my dad gave me. Pinocchio. Very cool. Pinocchio's Pinocchio. Give me some carpaccio with yogurt on it.

I don't have any main wings. Do you mean skier? I need some skier. Yes, man. Skier. I need some skier on the go. Pronto. We don't have any skier here. Look, I'm turning to wood and I'm just trying to like mentally prepare myself. What's it like like being made of wood? It's horrible. Oh, no. Joints. They're wood.

Wait, so everything's wood? Your lungs are wood. Are wood. So how do you even breathe with wood lungs? You just don't? You don't. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. And if it rains, your body swells. Oh. You can do the flex. Well, that might work kind of good, right? Like, you sort of, you know, get pumped, you know? No. Oh, no, it's not like that. It cracks and warps. Oh, God. And then someone has to take a hammer and chisel and whittle away at you to make you what you were before. So someone could, like, fix me at least, right? If they wanted to. Okay, well, who's the fella that made you? I should probably meet this guy just in case, you know, I swell. My father, the toy maker. The toy maker? Oh, okay.

So we just need to find him. We just need to fix the... to the elf on the shelf. Well, it's been a pleasure, Pinatrio. Thanks for... I'm sorry, friend. Oh, well. Cremmy! I think you're... It could be a lot worse. You know, you're turning into wood. And looks like you're turning into road wood.

The Crooked Moon.

a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Mahalo! Holy shit! Do you have anything more to tell us, Super Plum Lady? Please!

I just gently close the top to just like bow her back and to put the stuff back on the shelf. You do that.

What do you think happens in there when I turn that key? You look around and you see that there is an elf sitting on the shelf. Hey, elf! And as you look up, you see that he's tossing back and forth in his hands the piece of wooden tooth that's missing from the nutcracker. Oh. You happen to have something that we need. What will you do? What can we do for you to part from that tooth there? Shut up, loser!

Wow, that hurts my feelings a little bit. Hey, uh... Hey, uh, well, don't... No, no, no, no, not that. How about the other thing? How about friendship and merriment and giving us the tooth? Perhaps we can make a trade. I have a variety of things in my pack.

He's not responding. What are you going to do for it, loser? Well, you're an elf on a shelf. Would you like to be some other place that rhymes with elf, perhaps? Never thought about it, loser. Well, maybe if this guy fucking sucks, maybe it's time to think about it. Do you want us to put you on that shelf? No.

No, you can't rhyme shelf with shelf today! Don't you know anything about poetry? What else rhymes with elf? Uh, gel? Gelf? Uh, pelf?

Pulse? Melphs? Melphs? Melphs? Acid Arrow. Melphs Acid Arrow. Perhaps we use Melphs Acid Arrow and dissolve him away. Does anyone have any way to shoot arrows? He'll be gone faster than a big bull's skin. It's scary. Yeah, of course. Of course.

I was testing you. You heard the man. Give us the tooth or it's going to be the acid arrow. Yeah.

Screw you, loser. Well, can we destroy the elf, perhaps? Well, no, I'm doing the agreement. Jackie, how do we handle the elf on the shelf? What does he want? You can try asking nicely. Just say, hey, can we please have the tooth? Monsieur elf on the shelf, may we please have your tooth in your hand? May we please have it? Yeah, sure. He tosses you the tooth. A lamb aloof, thanks for the tooth.

Merci and you're welcome, loser. Why did you give me the tooth and not me? She said, please, loser. You are kind of a loser if you're not polite. Everyone's making fun of me. I don't like it.

I'm gonna take the tooth over to the screaming, crying Nutcracker and be like: Monsieur Nutcracker, I have good news! I have a spell pot right here on my hand that we can replace your tooth! Yeah, dummy, you're gonna have to make him smile to even get the tooth in there.

Oh, Frost is all about jokes. Why don't you tell him a joke? Perhaps Frosty may have a funny... I can't think of anything that's funny right now. But everything makes you laugh. Is the bar so low that you'd laugh your funny bone? Let's see. You know how geese fly in a V? And you know there's like one side longer than the other side? You know why there are other... Because there are more geese on that side. Yeah.

I might pass out. Don't be alarmed. You're really dead rich. He says to you, this is the stupidest joke I've ever heard. Oh, my feelings again. You probably shouldn't have pulled the music box. She was much more helpful than I was.

Oh, show him the sleigh! And maybe we can turn him small again, I think that will bring him joy. I think I crushed the sleigh. I can go back outside and perhaps we can mend it, but... What do you mean you crushed it? When I expanded quickly, we destroyed the sleigh. Why didn't you warn me before you did it? I didn't know that... I could have saved the sleigh! It's very difficult to calculate how long ten minutes are!

She begins to spin around and dance. Oh, you found the truth. Good for you. Now, I beam, smile, and sparkle white. I brighten the day with a single light. I charm and enchant one and all. I can counter even the darkest pall. What am I? Oh.

Oh, fuck a riddle. Say that again. Sorry, I can only say it once. Oh, twist the thing again. Maybe then she'll say it again. Oh! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

She begins to spin around again. Oh, you found the tooth. Great! I beam, shine, and sparkle white. I brighten the day with a single light. I charm and enchant one and all. I can counter even the darkest pall. What am I? The sun! No. A snow. No. A star! No. Oh, a big old bowl of skew!

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do

Oh, you got the tooth. Great. I beam, shine, and sparkle white. I brighten the day with a single light. I charm and enchant one and all. I can counter even the darkest Paul. What am I? The laughter and skeer. I'm all out of ideas. The beam of light thing. It's icicle perhaps? No.

Ice in general. Maybe it's more specific. Can you say like hotter or colder? Ice cube? No. Shine. Candle? No. Bright in the darkest Paul. Like a... Like a what? No, like a... What is Paul? You haven't met Paul.

He's a very nice gentleman. My name's Paul Beth between York, because I'm not getting the fucking tea here. Fucking much. I'm fucking done.

than the one that made the prompt. No. Paul's like, you know, it's the pallbearer. It's like a... It's like a shroud, though, right? It's some kind of cloth related to death somehow. Well, no, not quite. As far as I know. Well, let's see. Jackie, can you make any sense of this? A bone? A tooth? A tooth! An eyeball, maybe a tooth?

No. A star on top of a tree, perhaps? No. How about these? And I conjure light in my hand again. While I'm shuffling snow in my mouth. That's not a word. Can you read it back to me? Beam, shine, light, charm, white, sparkle, lighten, brighten. That's all I got. It's very difficult to make fucking notes during the fucking... The theme is a tooth. Oh no. Well, what's in a tooth? A toothy grim.

Oh. A smile? Yes. Oh shit! No, are you serious? Yes. Oh, you got it. Oh, you got it. Draco just rolls every fucking riddle! You know what gives me a toothy grin? Oh look! That's good. A nutcracker is smiling. A big bowl of skewers. Oh my god. And I go up to him and I offer him his tooth. I believe this is what you have me seeing. Draco, how are you? Can I, may I attempt to? Don't get bit.

Don't worry. Nine out of ten dentists agree that this is the only way for us to get holiday cheer. Let's hope that other dentists isn't right. Jesus. Ringo, you are a mess. No.

Sizing up the tooth and seeing if it'll fit and if it needs to be sized all around. It looks like you're going to need to mend or repair it in some way. Can any of you attempt to repair these? I...

Gross. That's not a bad idea. Don't do that.

I don't think that's what you want. I mean, I guess I could. Jackie was suggesting Jackie about your game. I'll take a knife. Hold on, hold on. Let him do his work. No, I don't care. I'm a body horror. What are you doing? I'm just a piece of myself because I am wood, right? The wood isn't going to help fuse additional wood. It's still going to be wood on wood. We need sap. Can you produce? Oh, don't we have some sovereign glue?

I may have some softening glue. Oh, use that. And I will peel off a fingernail. And I'll say, can I have some glue?

We need some glue. You peel off a fingernail. It is incredibly painful. It's bleeding profusely. To everyone else, there is no wood here. To you, it looks like you've ripped a wooden fingernail. And look, here's some sap. Here's some sap. I'm smearing the blood on his mouth. And you're smearing the blood on his mouth. Sap, that stuff, you're going to make it work. No, no, you said sip. You said sip. Sip is not good. It's not just good. This is sap. No, look. This is a piece of wood, and I'm bleeding sap now, clearly. Is it helping, buddy? Ah!

No! You do have sovereign glow. I mean, I can't remember if I used it, so I'll just assume that I have the exact same choice. Yes, I still have some, in addition to this Murphy's Wood Oil soap here. Put a drop on this. Oh, not too much. Put a little drop on it, and then you'll put it in his mouth.

Be very careful. I cast silence.

Fuck y'all. I cast Silence, 'cause Grinco, I can't fucking trust him. Yeah, close the whole fucking section. And then for the next minute, or in concentration of ten minutes, I will carefully slot the thing in his hand. Roll a sleight of hand and advantage for me, please. Thank you. Sleight of hand, plus two.

Dirty 20. Perfect. You are with the silence now formed around you. You're able to slowly lower. You wipe away Cremie's blood that's now dripping down the face of this nutcracker. And you firmly place the wooden tooth into its slot. And you see as the nutcracker begins to move its jaw around. You can't hear anything. You drop the silence. Thank you.

Thank you for fixing my face. But of course. I can cry nuts again for the festival. You brought me so much merriment. Please, light my yule tree outside and take of my gifts beneath it.

Well, I saw it from earlier, but I mean, would it help if I gave you some purpose from like one wood fella to another? You're not... And I'm gonna read you. You're not... He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy.

As he's in the middle of speaking, as you crunch down on a nut, he pops, the shell falls to the side and a nut shoots out of his mouth and rolls into your hand. You know what goes great with walnuts? What, Rico? Ski-er! I can't wait to gobble some nuts with Ski-er. Lungard, I love you. Such a great suggestion. Maybe if you made it, it's not all bad, is it?

I like it just fine. I can pick up a side gig like maybe cracking a lot of nuts. You're not made of wood, though, friend. Well, no, but I'm turning into wood. Not that I can see. My fucking feet! Let's go! Goodbye! We have to go. Our night's just three. That's what I mean. We're going outside. Okay. Well, thank you for everything. And I hope that you're happy now. We're gonna go. Bye!

and you watch as Jackie hops in her snowman form outside and head towards the tree. I'll follow her towards the tree, and if no one else has any objections, I will light it again with my light lantern. You do that. You may take one, Mary. Let us be merry. I will use Crescent Injuration to light one of them. I will use Wall of Fire.

You can literally just do an action to light something on the tree. I use energy beam fire, it's fine. Yes. I conjure a fire elemental! No, I don't do that yet. So y'all take one mirror, and we roll a d4? So, then you each take, yeah, so you roll a d4.

And then you add that many merriment. Plus one, right? For the receiving of your gift. And then so, five, twenty-five. I've only gotten low rolls here. Does each berry count as one? Huh? Yes, each berry counts as one. All color them all. Yep, so you get one automatically, and then you roll a d4 to see how much merriment you get from being able to open a present. And then I need you to each take a gift out of the gift bag.

I hope it's Skier. Skier needs to stop, Gricko. But they don't call me Skier Gobbler for nothing. I did find an Everfilling Tankard of the Holy King, so...

Simple tankard card from Redwood, which small brown with small bronze bears and reindeer riveted to the side of it. This tankard never runs dry, never spills, and it's filled with beautiful golden mead. Oh, I thought you were going to say skein. You may take an action to drink from the tankard and remove one affliction from your person.

Or you may use an action to drain the tankard and it regenerates quite a bit of health points. If the tankard is drained, it requires a long rest to refill, which I'm certain we'll get. And the removing of affliction is for things like the Skeeter Goblin, but there is a limit of six.

I didn't put that down on there, but it's-- folks don't have six charges. Oh, six drinks? So you could remove six afflictions that are afflicting you currently. Oh, yeah. Three, four, three, six. Or whenever. Are each of these separate?

Each leaf is a separate leaf. It is here. The berries are not together. They're separate as well. Shabloo, Shablar, is your crazy if you think I'll get rid of Seer God's curse? No, it's yogurt. It's fine. What the fuck is yogurt? I wasn't scared.

Oh god. I mean, he is like, being Skiogoblin. Can you just fucking cast a suggestion? Do you think I don't know Skiogoblin? They don't call me Skiogoblin for nothing. I got a red Wintour's Heart. You do? Not real, not real. I put it on my head.

I'm still enjoying it. I got a Clockwork Noel Elf Soldier. Thanks. The first. Oh, I got a small wooden coom. I mean, comb. Oh, the Coomphoras. Oh, the Coomphoras.

I'm gonna take my hat off and scoop it in a bunch of snow and like shovel it in my mouth again and then put it back on my head and put a bunch of snow on it. Karemi, this is made from small and wooden just like you. Why don't you enjoy this? You can brush your hair that you don't have. I'll trade that, obviously I'll trade you. Do you like this?

What am I gonna do with that? You're gonna be wood together. Roll in the knot of your nice table for me, please. Oh, fuck. And subtract a detour. Oh, fuck! I'll roll the guy that rolls low. Now it, ooh! It's 55, but I minus 6, so I'm at 49. Please, bring me in the knotty bag. And this is where Graco breaks everybody. I was so close!

I hope it's another one of them so I can have a persona for all 12. But gosh, am I craving for this gear. Is anybody else craving some gear? Guys, we have to get away. We have to get away from this Yule tree right now. What happened? No. What? It's out to get me. You don't understand. That's where all the skiers

She is gone, the trees have gotten them! We have to hurry, we must get away from the trees! Why are you not listening to what I'm saying, woman? Yes, let's all go. Quick, take my hands and we'll teleport. Jackie, join us. She grabs your hand. I'll grab your hand. Brinko, there's trees everywhere, you're not gonna get away from trees! It's a particular tree that upsets you. And you were a manatee of the tree before, what is it with you guys?

Look, I'm just saying. I'm one with the truth. We're all made of wood here. They're keeping secrets.

The trees have secrets? The secrets are there, holding all of the skea. That's why I haven't gobbled them, because the trees are keeping the location of the skea secret. No! They're out to get me. Hurry, we must be quiet. He's made of wood, I don't know what you're expecting. He's not a tree, though. He's just a wooden crocodile. I'm an alligator first.

And second, I'm basically related to that tree. Skaboodle, Skabifrenz, what the fuck's the difference? Skaboodle, Skabifrenz. What the fuck? I think it was the same thing. Yes! I need you to roll in the naughty or nice table for me. You're using suggestion on him? Subtract a d20.

31? 31 pass? Yeah. Barely, barely, I don't know, barely not, okay. 27 minus 17, I got a 10. Damn, you're not having a good time. What's Edwin got for himself next? Oh, that's good. We do have a twist. We did? It's not a twist. Oh, we did that, Frosk up that one earlier. Oh my god. Oh, that's right, that's right, sorry. Okay.

Oh no, what did you get? Oh no. I will say, I did write the ones in the naughty bag. I love it. These are all mine. That's perfect. So you will see Kremi in front of you immediately burst all of his clothes and instantly gains 300 pounds. Kremi!

No

no ho ho is very disappointed I missed the missed opportunity I can't say no ho ho ho I have to say ho ho ho at the end of every sentence ho ho ho wow how could you take a drink from the fuck he had laughing

We can't complete this with you being 300, uh, 500 or whatever you are. You have two afflictions on you. I do. Roll a D4. One and three are wood and two and four are ho ho ho.

One. You are no longer returning to the wood. Well, let's just continue on wood. I can't do this, ho ho ho. Well, have another drink. I tried to lift him onto his feet. I gave him a drink from the tank. Have another one. He needs two. You want two? I feel like this is an early game for us to be drinking from the tank. I guess I can go on. Ho ho ho.

No, give him another drink. You'll never find the skier this way. Will you drink from the fucking tanker? No, I think I'm fine. All right. The only thing I'll drink will be a nice big goblin of skier. All right, let's just get on with it. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Okay, come on. And I try to lift him up on his feet to see if he can even walk. He can walk. He's essentially just Santa. I'm just Santa Claus now. Ho, ho, ho. Is it reduced speed? Mm-mm.

No, just say it. Well, you look great. It's like that. Put ten instead of six on there. You look like the alligator from Old Dogs Go to Heaven. I don't even know what that is. Ho, ho, ho. So I'm still holding onto your hand, Frost. Are we going to be doing something?

I do like you very much. No, let's not teleport. Let's not tempt the DM. Oh, I can take you directly to that door. I need to have a conversation with you. To the door then. To the door. Sure, everyone hold hands or sticks. We're holding hands. She has sticks. I'm a snow woman.

This isn't part of the prompt. We're all just holding hands. No, just do your thing. Galay's gano and away we go. Oh, okay, yes. I will focus in, uh, uh, zamf.

And you feel that as you utilize your mind power to phantom caravan the group, you focus on moving and you feel that your magic is being shaped as Jackie leads you in a certain direction and you find yourself spilling out in front of a large tree. And in it, carved into it, is a wooden door. As Jackie moves towards it, she says, Hey, you stupid door!

Fuck you! Oh, hey, yeah. And the door, a mouth on it, immediately opens back up and says, Ah, fuck you, Jackie, get out of here. Jackie, that's not... Piece of shit. That's not in, like, good spirit of the... No, it's a rude door. From our point of view, you were rude first. If you'll just... Well, he was rude to me the last time I was here. Well, let's just, uh...

Don't make a right, Jackie. The door. But three rights make a left. Shut up, Gorko. That was pretty naughty, Renee. Please don't want the naughty. What is this?

Is it 80? Uh, what? That's 70. 70, yeah, 70. Isn't this a 10, though? That's a d12, or wait, what? So this is not a 10 when you're rolling 100. Okay, so this is a 70? Yes. Okay, minus 16 is what, 54? 54. Okay, you do not have to pull from the big bag, okay? Or you don't have to pull from the half bag. Um, uh, Janky, if you'll just, uh... Oh, my name's not Janky, it's Jackie. I said Jackie. I thought Janky.

That's what I heard. I heard janky for sure. Well, janky. That's not very nice. Please roll from the nice table. Wow. We're getting cold on stock. Making a Frostian bargain here. Subtract a d20. Oh, 66. It's close. Natural 20, 46. Yes!

I can't wait till all of the Yule Lads join me. Did you put that one back in there? Because it needs to go back in there. Oh, it does? Yeah, there's only one of the Yule Lad ones in there. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to tell you I forgot. Oh.

I don't want that one. Can I pull a four? No, no, you have to, you better take this one. So just shake up the set. Are they all skier-eaters? No. You roll a d12, and then that's what... That determines your dual power. I'm a skier gobbler. Gobble, gobble. I prefer snowboarding to skier. Please be skier. ...

Um... Okay. Miss your door! I don't know what it was. Why are you in such a not great mood? Because of a rude door. But what can we do to make you feel better? What can we do to make you feel better?

It's a nice question. It's a nice question. Yeah, you're not really funny. Look, Pat, we're just trying to fucking help out. We're just trying to fucking... What the fuck's this ho-ho-ho shit? A rude door. Maybe someone who's full of holiday merriment, ho-ho-ho. Yeah, with a face like that. All right, open the fuck up, you fucking door, ho-ho-ho. No. What if we...

We'll... No, no, no. We'll tug on your knob. And by we, I mean Renee. Gross. What? Renee, go give it a little twist. Leave it open. What's wrong?

Why are you sacrificing me to twist nubs? You're not sacrificing me. Well, fine, fuck it. I'll twist them up. Huh. Didn't do shit, did it? Is it locked? Huh? Is it locked? Feels like it. Is locked? I think. Oh, perhaps this... Shablu, shabli, perhaps this is the key. Ha ha ha.

There's no point in making fun of him, he's already stupid enough on his own. I'd see if there's a keyhole for the knob. His mouth is opening up as he talks. Oh! Where's your key, fella? Ho ho ho. Fuck. These are the kind of people you're hanging out with now, Jackie? Shut up, you dumb door! He's a rude door. Jackie, do you know how he is?

Do I know what? Where his key is? No, he doesn't have one. Perhaps we can make a key and we could put it in there. Perhaps we can make a key and put it in there. He just likes to repeat whatever we're saying. Why is that amusing? Oh, I do have a question for the door that's very pertinent. Do you have any skier?

Yeah. Why don't you come here? Oh, I would love to come. They call me Ski Gobbler. Yeah, walk right up there. I'm ready to gobble your skin. Put your face right next to me about...

five inches or so. Oh, five inches? I'll do you better. I'll put you one inch away because I'm very compelled. Great, I've got some gear for you. Okay, bring it here. Did you do that? He opens up and slams directly into your face and slams shut. And you take a... Can you please roll a d10 for me? You take that amount of damage. I saw that coming. That's hilarious. Okay.

I was really hoping for skeer. Is there anything behind him? Or is there just a door? He's on a tree. So thank you for Nightmare Before Christmas. I'm picturing that. That's what I was picturing. Very much the same. Okay, well, we'll be right back, Mr. Dorm, now that we know you don't have any skeer. We gotta find the key. Oh, hello. There's no key. He's just a rude dorm.

Is it like a pun or some kind of puzzle? A rude door? Kill it with kindness.

I don't know if kindness can count. I have just the thing, Elvish, into my axe that I've named kindness. This is the only way, Mr. Dwarf. I don't think we should do that. Wait, Jackie, you said, if I'm looking at her horn, does she still have the wreaths on either end? No, she's a snowman now.

Jackie, could you temporarily turn back into a satyr so I could borrow one of your wreaths? Oh no, and I'm a faun. There's a difference between them. Don't say it.

I mean, we've been in the Feywild for how long, Renee? You don't know the difference? Yeah, it's like, I feel like we've been here forever. What happened about learning about other cultures while we're here, Renee? You can tell me I do the best all you want, but I'm trying to find a way to decorate this door. I think you could use a little bit of spirit. What the fuck is a bus?

That's supposed to make me happy or something. It looks very good actually. It's pretty sharp there, fella. It's not real.

I'm very! Wait, you don't think I'm attractive enough on my own? God, aren't you an asshole? Well, I mean, that wasn't the intention, ho ho ho. We're just trying to improve your fucking sensibilities, ho ho ho. We can make him a real one. Why don't you start proving your own fucking sensibilities, ho ho ho. We're just, we're surrounded by, like, pines, right? Yeah. We can make one with one of the younger branches at the top of the tree. I'll just...

But no! Ah! Be careful, Frosty! They have secrets! They're keeping secrets from us! The secrets of the old land! What are you doing? I can't wait to do it! Frosty, are you okay? I can fly in just a moment. I can get up there. Do you need a dollop of skeer?

It took me a second, sorry. I forgot what you got. I don't know why this isn't... I'll be right back. I can fly. One moment. Are you sure? I've never seen you fly. No, I have seen you fly before, actually. I know. I can. I believe that I can fly and I can do that without issue at any time I want. Be careful, Frosty. If you get too tall, that's how they keep their secrets. It's too tall for mankind to...

Maybe I need to get a running start. I'll use feline agility to get up onto one of the taller branches, and then I will jump off to attempt to get up to the top where I'd be able to make a reach. You do that. And you immediately plummet as you cannot fly. Oh, fuck. Frog, are you okay? You will take 1d4 bludgeoning damage if you smack him in the ground. Oh, fuck!

Did you want to read what you got so they understand? Yeah, I believe I can fly and I really want to, but I can't. And if I could fly before, I can no longer.

That is literally the perfect one for you to have done. That is so great. Well, we're gonna have to think of something else. I don't know why this isn't working. Perhaps the ground is moving up at the same speed I'm flying. Why are we going to the top of the tree? Why don't you just go find something lower that you can grab? Well, I really wanted to go up to the top of the tree, though.

All right, well, I'm going to try something else while you guys figure something out. And I'm going to start rolling like a snowman, like the base of a snowman. But as I'm rolling it, I'm taking big chunks. Oh, are you making a me? Oh, ew.

It's very good. You should try some. Ow, my fucking feet. And I'm going to like chomp away a little bit at it, but then I'm building on top of it and I want to position it like next to the door, but not within swinging distance of it, just like right outside. And I want to put like a little smiley face on it, a little carrot, however the fuck you can find it. What kind of fucking loser eats a snowman?

Do you not have any friends? I have, I, well, no, I don't know if these people are concerned about me though. I mean, I've been looking at the way they're looking at you, they definitely don't like you. It's good battles, it's good birds, the truth really hurts. You don't have to like me, but I think that you would appreciate the snowman that I'm building for you. Ah, well, you thought wrong, didn't you? Who are you to tell me what I would appreciate? I'm just gonna stare at it and chew more of the snow. Yeah, alright, get weird.

Get weird. Well, how are we- So look, what the fuck is the plan, ho ho ho? I don't have one. We gotta make this guy friendly? How the fuck are we gonna do that? Jackie, can you please? We're drowning in a giant ocean of scare. I don't know. I told you everything that I know. He's just always been rude. However you count a rudeness, I don't know. Alright, pal.

Call me pal. Get fucking ready. I'm not your buddy. You better call me pal. He needs to make a wisdom saving throw. Is it on for a creature? Because he's a door. He's an object. Yeah. Ho, ho, ho. Go, go, go fuck yourself, you fucking door. Ho, ho, ho. How do you un-rutify a door? Maybe... Oh.

I'm out of ideas. Why are you so rude, Dore? Tell us your backstory. Is it tragic? I don't like you. Yes. You're loud. Uh-huh. You're in front of me. Mm-hmm. And you're talking. Well, would you prefer, would you be joyful and merry if we left? I'd love it. Oh, let's leave. Goodbye. Go on, Dore. Perhaps there's skiing in the other direction. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're just gonna leave? I think that actually might work. I was going to ask if we could use one of your wreaths and we could hang it on his door. Oh, he wouldn't like that. What would he like? His key. He wants us to fucking leave. But he doesn't have a key. No, he does have a key. Give me a drink of that fucking thing. No, the only thing that can make him open is him. Oh, fuck. The only way to access this tree to illuminate it and get his gifts is...

Through him. Oh, you know what? Hey, you stupid door. You know what I would really fucking hate? I hate it when doors open. There's nothing I hate more than doors open besides not having any skier in my possession. Are you serious? Yes, I hate it. I hate it when doors open. It makes me so mad. This is the face of a door that doesn't give a shit. Oh. There's a...

Here's Rusty.

That's really good. You're gonna try and whack away at the door? No, I'm not. I don't have an axe. I don't know if he does. I don't actually have an axe, but if I did, I would name it kinder. I don't know. What can you tell us about the door, Jackie? What is behind it? Well, I'm assuming his tree, or the rest of it, and his gifts.

What is his name? Well, I just know him as the Roof Door. Oh, I don't think... To be fair, I've never asked. I don't think interrogation is gonna be our motive operandi. Why don't we walk around to the backside of the tree? Oh, that's a great idea. Because he said that we were in front of him, so why don't we get behind him instead and see what the fuck happened? Perhaps there's some skier behind him. Let's go. We make our way to the other side of the tree. You do that. You see the other side of the tree.

Nothing more than that. I hate trees. It has a secret. It's keeping the skier from me. It's preventing my gobbling. What the fuck is skier? It is delicious. That's what I must... Skier is what I must gobble, Frosty.

It is my nature to not... Rick, I'm freaking me out. This is worse than the penis arms. That was fucking weird. Look, Rick, what if I told you I could get you a skier right now? Would you shut the fuck up about the skier? No, I will never. Skier is my essence. It is my being. All is skier. Can you make some skier with your jug?

Not until the next dawn, but I have another idea, depending on how long we want to be here. When the world turns to skier, you all will see.

Greco, let's assume, and I'm chewing on snowballs and popping them into my mouth. Assuming that I can provide skier for you, will you shut up about it? Will you be satisfied? Well, we don't know yet, will we? Give me some goddamn skier and we'll figure it out, Renee! My fucking feet! Ah! The trees! Fuck! The trees! The trees! The trees!

I spend the next ten minutes creating a hero's piece of skeer. My only six level spell pot. Yes! Do you have the spell components for that? Sure. Roll a cool shroom.

I have a thousand gold pieces worth of Skia fiat currency and I'm gonna lay fucking Gyros Beast in front of the Skiros Beast. Skiros Beast! Yes!

Why did I fucking think of that? So I will spend 10 minutes making skewer for the party. Well, that was a lot easier than what I was going to do. I had to like take some culture and put it into like some cream and then it would take a couple of days and then you'd have something that kind of... Are you thinking of yogurt?

"Shmagroov? Shmorgitzbord? This is a smorgitzbord!" Oh, that didn't even-- I didn't even feel it. You haven't even paid attention, have you, bro? I don't think that's what skeer is, hohoho. Skeer's just fucking over. Do I see skeer in front of me? Yeah, you do. You see an entire feast of skeer.

Now I know why I was put on this earth, and it is to gobble some skeer! And I Scooby-Doo up into the air. And I gobble, I spend however long it takes to gobble as much skeer. Well, let us join you. You take an hour to gobble skeer. I'm going to do it. So I've enjoyed this skeer's feast.

On me. This isn't that good. What the fuck? Shut your mouth! Ho ho ho. Everyone's hit point maximum increases by 10. Goes up by 13. Max HP or 10? I'm not going to adjust it. Hit point maximum and same number of hit points up. So 13, 13 for both.

And, uh, advantage on wisdom saving throws for the next 24 hours. Immune to poison being frightened. I'm sure that'll come in very handy. Cured of all diseases.

It's not a disease. I love Skiir! And I love Goblin! Are you happy? Gobble, gobble! Are you satisfied? I will say, roll on the naughty or nice table and add a d20. Because that is nice to create a hero's deed. Thank you so much! And provide... 39. 39? Okay.

You just don't get to take from the other one. Got it. But I'm not going to make you do another thing. Oh, it's everything I've ever wanted. And all I've ever wanted is Skiir. This is all I could think of. I've never quite had it before.

Are we gonna try and figure out how to get through that door? We're really all out of ideas. What do we do? Well, so if you were walking, let's say you were spending time with a friend, and a friend was being a rude door, what would you do? Oh. Or tell them that they're being rude. I have an idea. What's your idea? Is it you going here? No, I drank the thing. You drank two? Yeah. Oh, no, you did the whole...

He drank too. You drank too? I did it quickly. Sorry, I didn't realize. Let me try something. I'll go around. Hey, door. Dumb cat. Fuck you. Fuck you too. No, no, no. Fuck you though. Are you trying to bang a door? No, no. I'm telling you to go fuck yourself.

Okay, fuck yourself. No, no, no, no, no, no. But if you were to fuck yourself, fuck yourself. Did you pay to hang out with them? Yes. Okay.

I walk back around and find a decree. Well, that didn't work. Do I get a thing? Or is it just the rolling? Oh, yeah. Roll a d4. I thought perhaps we could out-root him. Four! Oh, when we draw, should we be coloring in stuff?

No, she did something nice. So it was determined whether she got something out of the bag, but so she got to roll to see how many nice, how many cheer points. Because she brought you cheer. She doesn't get anything out of the bag. I have some oil. Perhaps we could oil its hinges. How about this? I'm going to take a bowl of skier. I'm going to walk up. All right, fella. I'm going to take a big spoonful and just shove it in his mouth. The keyhole?

I'm the keyhole. Yeah, you do that. He spits it out all over you. What the fuck is wrong with you? You just force shit down people's throats all the time? Well, I figured you might be hungry with that fucking attitude you got there. Did I tell you I was fucking hungry? Well, then what the hell's going on with you? I'm a rude fucking door dude. I mean, is there anything else going on? Like... Is there anything else going on? You probably ask a lot of people how we are. You walk up to me. But no one asks you how you are. You walk up to me and we start talking and you immediately tell me to fuck off. Go fuck yourself. What the hell do you want?

could you just open please oh yeah sure you say please please may you open door swings open oh

I mean, we put it that way. Sure, why not? Oh, thank God. That was nice of you. Thanks for asking. Nobody ever asks. I run around the tree. I've got it. All we have to do is sing carols in front of the door. Oh, it's open. Oh, thank you. So, on my note, it says the rude door. Simply ask politely for the door to open. That's literally all the notes I have for that one. I'm so full of skeer.

And it feels good. You know, no one's ever asked me to open like that before. That was really nice of you, friend. Well, may we take your presents and light your tree? Yeah, actually, I was going to ask. If you want to go ahead and illuminate my tree for me, that would put me in a really good mood. Would you like some skew? You know, I would love some skew. Do you mind feeding it to me? I don't have any hands. I will spoon feed him. I'm sorry. I was just being an asshole. I'm sorry. No, it's all right.

I was fucking apologizing to Jackie. You also benefit from 13 hit points mechanically. Okay, great. Well... Fucking cool. Sorry, sorry. Fucking cool. Fucking cool. So, with that, I need you to add one merriment. Alright. And then roll a d4 to see how many additional merriment you get. I got five.

How do you get five? Oh, I fucking rolled another four again! Fuck yeah! Dory, you're not you when you're hungry. Grab a spear. Oh, you have a four. I see, I see. Four. It's four plus one? Yes, so five. Is each antler one, or are both antlers one? I have to look at it. Each antler is one. Oh, fuck. Anything between the black lines. Oh, fuck.

I love that I gave you a coloring challenge. You're literally coloring a picture. This is so therapeutic for me. It makes me so happy. What's it like being adored? You know, it's kind of shitty to be honest. People walk up, they don't even say anything to you. They just grab your honker, trying to wrench you open. And when you get frustrated, they're just an asshole back to you. You don't like having your honker grabbed? No, I really don't. They shove shit in your mouth.

Oh, yikes. They take their fist and slam it against your face over and over again. Yikes. It's a bunch of bullshit. I think what you need at the door is a nice set of heavy knockers. Yes. Yeah, you know, metal against my face isn't going to help much either. People would be a lot more polite, though. I don't think that's the case. Are you sure about that? Do you know any good knock-knock jokes? Nah. That's shocking to me.

Do you not want to be Adora anymore? Nah, I kind of like being Adora. It's just people weren't so, you know, handsy with me. So it's like you're rude because the world was rude to you. It was a tragic backstory. I knew it. I was trying to ask how you were, ma'am. You could open up. That's a good point. He was kind of nice. I mean, obviously I was in a bad mood. Can you hand me some of that orange, please?

What orange? Which one? Do you want us to decorate you before we go? Uh, well I'm gonna have you guys finish your coloring. Apparently... It's gonna take a while. Look at my little grave cleric sock! Yeah, that's pretty graaaaaave. Graaaaaave. That's so grave. And maybe by Raven.

So, you also need to roll on the naughty or nice table, but you added d20 because you did a nice thing for the door.

I got a million. Oh, no, I didn't. I got... Wow. Seven, seven, seven. I failed. Okay. So just nothing. But do I... No, nothing happens on this round if you fail. Nothing and no marionette. It just determines whether you get something. You may take something from the happy sack. You may take something from the happy sack. Is that a natural 20? That is a natural 20. Very cool. Very cool. Very cool. Gotta give it a five. Five and a half. Nothing happens for you. Okay.

Well, the Great Cloak of Warmth. It's a very rare cloak. The Great Cloak of Warmth is woven from the fur of the Harley King's most prized reindeer and sewn together with the silk from elven worms. When worn, the wearer of this cloak gains immunity to cold damage and their speed cannot be reduced from spell effects dealing cold damage. When hit by an attack, the creature can use their reaction to regain hit points equal to 1d4 plus proficiency bonus.

That's so funny I got to see one. Wow, we're getting all the same shit. I love it. Let's put it on together like superheroes. Ready? Three, two, one. You know, I actually it's made from

from the great, the worms, and I've actually seen the wood where these worms are, and they actually, they harvest that rosewood and make great dice towers. That's really great, but I think that time is running out. Code of Antris. Oh, yes. I think time is running out, and we still have to go see Carol. Carol, lead the way. Lead the way.

Are you all ready? Yeah. Do we hold hands? Can you do that thing again? I'm going to be coloring for a while. Sure, yeah. Yes, hold my hand, Frosty. I'm all full of skier and merriment.

You feel as you do this, once again, she shifts and shapes it. And you find yourselves in a beautiful garden. There are frosty flowers all about the perimeter. And in the middle, there is what looks to be a large gazebo. And in the very center of it,

It appears to be a woman, but a woman made of bells. Everyone stand back. Oh, well, that's Carol.

Carol of the Bells? Oh, I get it. Oh, no. Perhaps the lads are up to more mischief. Oh.

You should go see how she's doing. Wait a minute. Is she in that gazebo? I don't trust it. Yes, she's standing in the gazebo. You can see her right there. Carol. Oh, what to do, Carol? The name's Kreml LaCrue. How you doing? How can we help? How can we bring you your merriment today?

I'm so glad you came. Hello. That was great. I apologize for my friend. It's been a long day. Please continue. My blinking feet. We were practicing, myself and the silver bells, and all of our sheet music flew away on the wind. The bells, they went to retrieve it. I haven't heard back from them since, and...

I'm afraid they might have been lost, and I just know if we can make sweet, beautiful music here in the gazebo, they would be able to follow it home, but without my sheet music, I'm... I can't play at all. I was not thinking you were going to say music. I thought you'd never ask. I'm playing my music at home.

Let's make music together. Oh, I get it! You hear as she begins to move her bell and is jingling back and forth, the sound of it piercing throughout the night sky. Please roll on the naughty or nice table for me and subtract a d20. Oh, so that was a naughty thing. Yeah, it was horrible. I'm just trying to be the little fucking Grinch.

Uh, higher than a 50. Is that subtracting the 20? 74 minus 16. Yes. Okay. So your sheet music is sheets to the wind? Yes, and I don't know what to do.

Well, we have finding capabilities. Perhaps we can find these bells. If you could just tell me, tell us what they look like. Well, they're bells and they're silver. Oh, wait, they literally are bells? This isn't some... Yeah. Wait a minute. They're not like an elandrin or... No. If we help you, does that mean that we're gonna have to listen to... Acapella? Acapella?

If you would like to, we'd be happy to perform for you. I guess our journey ends here. We are slated to perform during the 12 days of Yuletide revelry. My God, she seems like a professional. We can't do that if we can't practice. All right, we'll find the best. We'll find the best. All right, I'll get the machine music. If you could just write a song.

Oh. If you could write and perform a song for me, I know they would hear you and come running back. Oh. I was going to... Here, let me just quickly fly up, and then I'll be able to see if I can spot them from here. Oh, great. Hey, Frosty, now that I'm full of skier, I think it's time I drank out of your thing so I don't shred my vocal cords for tomorrow when I DM. No, I'm still here. Yeah, you're not flying. Yes, here, have some of the tankers. That's fine.

Do I get to, I got to roll a d6? No, just whatever you want. I have three things. Tree? One, two, and three. Say trees, skier, and feet. Frostbite.

Please be careful. Oh, that's... Scare. No, trees. Trees, scare, and frostbite. So it's a two. One to two. No, it's one and... It's D6, so one and two. Yes, I know. So I do one and four, two and five, three and six. She's been doing this since we did Tomb of Horrors. I don't know why you do it that way. Oh, I'm finally back. Thank God. What the fuck is scare?

I don't know what you eat. Oh, it's a type of yogurt. Ugh, it's disgusting. Come on, would anyone eat that shit?

Well, I found this for you. That's disgusting. Why would you feed me that shit? Please roll on the naughty or nice table because it was very nice of her to make you a gift. Did you see that ruby encrusted gem bowl that she used? That thing was worth a pretty penny. It was very expensive. And I did it because you asked. Oh, no. Pull up with the naughty bag. 13 minus 6. Give me my tankard back. All right. I'll be right back.

- Frost, you're not going anywhere. I hate to break it to you, man. What in the fuck is going on here? - Mike. Oh no! I see why! - Oh God. - You see a very sexy girl. You see as I begin, and I wonder if I can get the dicks, and I turn into a child, a very naughty child. - Because you are the naughty child, anytime you roll, you subtract a D4.

Sorry, so instead of rolling a four to see what you gain, you don't roll that d4 for your gain. Oh my god! My god! Is this an iPhone 9? This is an iPhone 10! I would like to attempt to contain him in my jaw. Yes!

I do, I need all three of you to roll on the naughty and nice table because this is naughty to try and stick someone in there. It's a charisma saving throw. Fuck, I want to fail. Stephanie fucking... 42. Okay, pull from the naughty bag. Okay. I need... Mikey keeps taking it, remember?

Get out of my sh- no, no, not the d4, I need the, the, uh... That's not mine, it's 100. I don't know. Is that mine? Or is that Derek's? I don't know, it's a greenshine. Mine's green. Maybe that's... Oh no, I have two. It's come back to haunt me. Is one of them yours? No, no, no. Oh. Yeah, those are yours, right? Ha ha ha!

Yeah. Uh, 30. I need it to fall over in the bag. Kiwi? Put it back in the bag. No, no. Let's get over here. That's so crazy. Um, I got a 30, so I'll be naughty. As soon as I attempt to try and help you.

Do I reduce in size? - So you watch as Renee begins to help you. - Oh no. - And as she grabs onto Gricko's new childlike form, her arms begin to shift and change and you see where once was her silver flesh is now burlap and cloth as her body begins to shrink down, her hair, that vibrant red now turning into red yarn and where once were eyes are now two buttons, she is turned into a ragdoll.

Oh, Renee, I got just the spot for you. I'll pick her up and I'll tie her on my belt next to all the other voodoo dolls that I've ever met. Roll on the naughty list. And I'm just wiggling there, trying to get away from the voodoo doll. And because you cannot see through buttons, you no longer have vision. That's true. I can no longer see. Well, that's a nightmare. It's probably for the best if you're on his belt. Twelve.

Oh my god. Raggedy Renee. Raggedy Renee! Alright, so I do not bag him. And I also, for your own meta information, I get this one. Oh, I was hoping you would get that one.

Put me down immediately! I can't see fucking shit! So, Fremmy now has Renee hanging from her belt. And you immediately see his clothes again burst. He gains 300 pounds more as he gets covered in brown fur. Little ears pop up. His nose shortens into a little snout.

And he has big claws and uh... Well, I guess I should have expected this. I mean, I'm a bear now. What can I say? Oh my god, you turned into a bear. I'm literally a fucking bear. Are you gonna try to sell me some Charmin Ultra? I mean, now that I think about it, my ass does seem pretty clean, frankly. I mean, you know, would you like some Charmin Ultra?

I am way too close to your ass and- put me down! I mean they're already kind of split at the seams but how do I look now as a bear? Pretty terrible. Can I talk as a bear or am I like a little- You can talk. This isn't so bad! You can call me- He's awful! You smell like... bear!

I don't know what's happening, but you-- That sounds pleasant to me. Let's continue. I think we're supposed to write a song for Carol. You see as Carol's standing there, her eyes wide, and she watches Griggo turn into a child, Grimmy turn into a bear, and Renee turn into a ragdoll all in front of her.

How about that song? I look at the underside of the gazebo. Do I spy any mistletoe? You do. There are wreaths hanging all around it, and each connecting point you see a sprig of mistletoe. There are six in total. We'd be happy to write you a song. If you would just lay one on me, I'd be happy to give you a song right now.

Lay one what on you? A kiss. Look where I'm standing. And I move over underneath the mistletoe. See? I guess it's tradition. She leans over and she leans in and her metal lips pucker out as she kisses you firmly on the lips. It's cold. Ew! That is gross! I don't care for kissing because I'm a naughty child! I'm not bad. No, pass me over!

saving throw you stupid hairy fairy tale creature Stephanie's read romance already why don't I get to read teen romance mum laughing

You know what it feels like to get mauled by a bear? No, but I bet it is very lame when you do it, you stupid stupid. I mean, would you like to try it? I mean, I got bear claws now. I could, you know, hack per se. You know, I'm a bit of a hacker. Are you a hacker known as Bear Chan? I mean, now that I think about it, I guess you could call me Bear Chan. I'm definitely at least four, I think maybe 800 pounds. I'll make you a three-year-old deer named Shrek.

This is the worst song you've ever heard. Are you gonna help? I need Renee's assistance. One moment. I swipe Renee off of your belt. Ah, thank you. And then I give you a sip from my tanker. I kiss your little ragdoll head. And then I give you a sip from my tanker. Are you gonna read yours so they know what's going on? Yeah, I am obsessed with mistletoe, but only because I'm even more obsessed with kissing.

One, two... For us, I didn't think you felt that way about me, but... I appreciate you restoring me to my good look. So you have... you have Ragdoll. That's right. And you have... what else do you have on you? The snow. You're eating snow. He's not eating snow, so... So a d4, one and two, three and four. Holy shit. So one for snow, two for Ragdoll. Three for snow, four for Ragdoll. I need two and four. Two and four. Two and four. Two!

You are no longer a rag doll. You have that alchemy jug there. Do you mind making me some honey? I can only offer you the icing that is in there until the next dawn, but you're welcome to have it. We have unlimited icing. Just don't break it.

It's not quite the same as honey, but I guess it'll sort of do, I guess. And I'll just start, like, chugging. This is infinite. I want honey too. I want sweets before dinner. And I don't want to spoil me appetite because I'm a naughty child. Now, do you have any space left after you ate all that skier? What is skier? This is a yogurt. Oh, shut up. Here you go. And I give him the alchemy jug. No, but don't. Eat the fucking icing. Don't break it. Oh, this is lovely. Mind me, I

My appetite is now spoiled before dinner. There's a very hot tea. You shouldn't have been giving him any icing. It's sugar. The only thing that you could have done worse is give him some coffee and teach him how to play Magic the Gathering. Do you have any games on? Do you have any games? I don't have any games on my phone. Shut up! Do you have games? Do you have games? I need to know you're doing that. I need to know you're doing that.

I just went, "Hey! Fuck!" Subtract a d20. I used to not be safe. I need a d10! Somebody get me a d10! You've been rolling a d100. I don't know, it's gone. They're all the zero kinds. Fuck!

What went behind it? I fail. It's a 15 minus 8. What is that? What is that? This is yours. Derek's has lost to the ages. On the floor somewhere? Yep, it's gone. Oh no, I think it's in your crotch. Is it in your crotch? No. I felt it ran real good down there. Oh yeah. Oh no.

Jesus Christ! Oh, I need to fill in his nose. I forgot to do that. Do I put this back in the bag? What is it? The eyeball one? No. Okay, so I just hang on over here? Yeah, the only one that goes back in the bag is the, uh, the skier one. We're burning through this tankard real quick, but I think you probably need... Oh, you spilled some of the icing just here. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

I can't do anything about it. You see the largest porcelain doll of your life. It doesn't seem to shrink down. So I'm now an 800 pound bear porcelain doll. Dear God. I'm not a pig.

Although I think it's because I didn't get enough sunnies. And I'm making out with you. Oh no, stop it. What is it? Ew, gross. Kissing is not very nice. And then I give you a sip of the tankard. Oh, you have how many things now? I didn't just tell you. Oh no. D4? Yeah, because that one overrides the bear. One and three is bear.

So the bear... Oh, so... No, it would be the doll. Okay. Because the bear was gone. So you're no longer a porcelain doll. Got it. Okay.

As he's kissing you, he's kissing the side of your mouth. You're not really able to move them, your porcelain lips. They're cold. You can feel your porcelain slowly starting to crack as the cold seeps into you. Frost is kissing the side of your mouth furiously while he's also pouring mead into the small slotted opening between your porcelain lips.

And slowly, Frosch, you can feel the warmth of Cremie's face join with yours as you're kissing him furiously. What once was a 600-pound doll is now a 200-pound alligator, and you're kissing him furiously. You have a long mouth, Cremie.

I don't know what any of those things are. I want to play

I want to play Minecraft! Give me the fucking tree! I want to play Minecraft! I get a roll. Tree, beat, child. Three or six, three or six. Fuck. What was that one? Feet. Feet. Feet. Ah!

One more, one more. My feet no longer help! You're holding him down and you're just pouring this meat into his mouth. One is child, two is the other thing.

Oh, thank goodness. Yes, thank you. Oh, the trees. Oh, no. I mean, the trees do have secrets, but that is the huge improvement. Look, as least of all worries, let's just make a song. Are you going to write a song? Are you going to keep doing whatever this is? Oh, let's write a song. Well, Grifo is actually a drummer, so... I'm a drummer. I pull out my drummer. The little drummer. I could have been the little drummer, but why do...

me that shit. I'm sorry. Fuck! Dealing with my own bullshit. I'm sorry. Really? Okay. We're gonna play a very nice tune from the top. Rum pum pum pum pum rum uh buh buh buh buh buh

I'm going to cast the magic energy to make myself sound very lively. Oh, ye merry rats. Oh, rum pum pum pum. Pum pum pum. Rat do.

Please roll a performance check at disadvantage. Didn't write anything out. Wait, wait, I can add a d6 because it's a charisma check. Well, it's a group one, so there should be like one person. Okay, that's fine. Does my Grig Fiddles bonus make that a not disadvantage? No. But you add a d6 because of your cloak, right? Or your tabard? Well, we're doing it as a group.

And that's a saving throw, I believe, not a check. Just charisma-based checks. Yeah, just charisma-based checks. Well, if he's making it, he doesn't have it. Two on performance, I'm fucked.

You can choose who's going to do it, but I'm going to have one of you make it at disadvantage. I should probably do it. Oh, yes. But the Grig Fiddle doesn't make it at advantage? No. It would make it normal, not at advantage. Yes. Because it makes performance checks made at advantage, so it's normal. Your Grig Fiddle's doing it. And I had a D6, and I got my very pleasant Tabidon. I'm going to use these Kiwi Dice from the Lone Guard. Only one of them, huh? Oh, okay.

That was horrible. I mean, normally when you write a song, you should actually write a song. Wait, you guys already wrote the song? Oh, we did!

Oh, uh, we- we- let's write a song! Um... I know just the tune. As they pull up Motley Crue. Oh yeah, we're gonna write a song for you! Frosty, you're the singer, I'm gonna give you a little beat, okay? We are starting a band. Uh, Krem- Krem- you're on keys! Uh, alright. Krem- you're on keys.

Renee, you're on bass guitar because you're the girl. Okay. All you have to do is this. I have a lute, if that makes sense. No, you're on bass. Oh, okay. I don't have a bass guitar. Frost, you're on lead guitar and vocals. I'm just on vocals, I think. Come here, I guess we're going to sing this. That's fine. I haven't sung this in perhaps a year. Come here. Okay. Okay.

You know I'm a gator and I say what I do. I found my way to the Feywild in search of better tasting rue. Another piece of pumpkin pie I would trade my soul. Just one more slice. So you'll learn why they call it a death row. I live for the good life.

Comfort is my code. They gave us a house, a stocked kitchen, and my velvet bathrobe. It's in the face. It's in the face. Roam, sweet, roam.

All right, all right, it's in the bay. It's in the bay. Rose, we rose.

You don't even need to roll for that one. As you finish your song, you see that Carol is raising up off of the ground a little bit as the bell part of her skirt begins to jingle. And you hear it before you even see it, the chime. The bell.

of the silver bells as they make their way out of the forest and all of them begin to play in unison together as they sing and they all clap for you. That was wonderful. Thank you so much for bringing the silver bells back to us. That's what I call a jingle bell rock. Oh, if I've ever heard

Classic Grickow! Vintage Grickow! Well, I speak for all of the bells when I offer for you to illuminate our Yule tree and take of one of the gifts beneath it. All right, thanks, lady. Thank you. So anyways, I started blasting. Oh, we have to roll, right? So you color in one, and then you pull a d4. Oh.

Another one? I'm gonna have to do that. Two. Two. Two. For the sake of it, you only have to fill up one of those. Whoever fills up one first. Oh, is each tree one? No, the trees all count as one. Oh, they do? Yes. Oh, hell yeah. That's next for me. Oh, they all... I've been doing... Man, I've been doing really bad. Oh, the trees all count as one? Yeah. Oh, I've been doing individual trees. Yeah, I've been doing individual outlines. Yeah, I was about to tell you.

What do you mean you've been doing individual albums? Well, you said fill in a thing. So it's like one part of the peppermint. Like, that's, I misinterpreted what you meant. Each antler is its own thing though, right? Or is it the whole reindeer? All the antlers.

Oh, so both handlers. Okay. Yeah, I've been way off. I need to catch up. I think I'm right. And then do we roll on the naughty or nice thing? Oh yeah, we do. Yes, you will roll on the naughty or nice thing. And you will roll at advantage. Or not at advantage, but with adding a d20. Okay. I don't need to add a d20. I totally succeeded. Okay.

So I got four. I got 49, but then because we added one. Hell yeah, motherfucker. Each of the thingies is a thing, so I'm gonna thing it. What happens to all my fucking dice? Man, having the color and mix the RP prompts was painful. This is great. I can't even pass. Like a little respite from the storm. I pulled two.

Wait, so if we fail, do we not get an item? You do not take a... You just don't get an item, but you don't take a other thing. Yeah, one of them has two things, so you have to read both of them. I just forgot to tape them together. Oh, it's another tavern. I got two taverns! You can put one of them back. No, put the whole one back. Do I get to take another thing? I got a wooden snow deer. Are you still turning into wood? No. So now I roll a d10.

Right? No. You rolled D100, added D20 to see if you choose something from the stack. Hey, silver bells. Hey, silver bells. Oh, silver bells. We are silver bells, everyone. Everyone loves silver bells. 73. You can take something from the bag. We're running out of bag stuff. I got a cloak of warmth. I think we already have a cloak of warmth.

immunity to cold speed cannot be reduced I got the plushy holly king and a big poofy oberon appears in my arms and I give him a big ose it's so cute the holly king is the other he's the Krampus but it's his plush form before he turned into the Krampus there we go

So each tree means this would be one? Yes. All of them colored in? Okay. So I got nine other things to fill out. Okay.

Exciting! Can you give me your hot red over there? Here's a hot red. I'll give you my hot red. Gross. Take it easy. Well, thank you, Carol. It was lovely meeting you. It was great to meet you, too. Thank you so much. We can now practice and we'll be ready to go once the 12 days of Yuletide revelry begins. That is if we actually save the... You will. I know you will. Thank you. And save...

Oh my gosh, guys, I just realized, are we saving Chris? I mean, you're tired? If only my friend Ernest was here, he would have known what to do. Perhaps you can call... Ernest was actually a friend of Jeremy, too. Oh, really? Yeah. Did he also have a friend named Vern? He was a possum. Ernest was a possum. He was.

Yeah, and Vern was a little deer. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then what? And then, oh, well, you know, we're going to save you all, Todd, together. So where do we go next? Yeah, help us out, Jackie Lynn, as we color. Well, let's leave the grove and allow them all back up. Oh, thank you, Becca. Come back up.

Who do you want to have to roll on the naughty or nice table? This is a straight roll. Or I will actually allow Becca to choose. Do you want them to roll at disadvantage or advantage? Add the d20 or subtract it? I think that we should leave the grove and we will... Well, it doesn't look like any of you have...

Well, who... Is there anyone else left in this grove? Or do we help everybody? Fuck! You could come stand over here underneath this mistletoe. We could make some more joy. Oh, yes, I do.

Isn't there a way that the DM potentially put ways for you to earn additional revelry? Oh, how can we do it? How can we do it? Well, I thought that that just triggered the bagpole. I didn't know if that triggered merriment. Well, you have to roll for it. So you're essentially getting free gifts. Oh, but some of these give us merriment? Some of the things in here give us merriment? No, it's, uh... Right?

You're supposed to be taking one merriment. Are you supposed to be rolling a d4 for every time you pull something from the bag? Oh, I haven't been doing that, yeah. Oh! That's why I'm confused. Okay, yes, I can pull things from the bag and hand them out to everyone. Has to be Mikey, he's been far too naughty this session. And I'm assuming that's going to be subtracting a d20. Oh, then I'm filled out, basically, if we've been doing that. Yeah, I'll just fill myself out of it.

Because each candy is its own thing, right? Yes, each candy is its own thing. Yeah, so I'm with that. With this roll, I'm filled in here. Okay, I'm naughty, though. I'm naughty. I hope I'm naughty to fulfill Becca's request. I'll roll a heart, by the way.

I'm naughty. Please vote from the naughty bag. Yes! Yes! I hope I get it. I will say the naughty bag was way too much fun creating prompts for. Which one did you create from scratch? The naughty side? Yeah. Yes, everything on the naughty side. Guys...

Yeah. Is it the trees again? Why are you trying to steal me joy? What about you? You know what? We've been traveling together for how long? And all you

you've done has brought me down. Oh, Gricko's just being Gricko again. Fuck that guy. I thought we graduated from this a long time ago. No, we didn't graduate. I've never graduated nothing in my whole life. I never even learned hooked on coming, Frosty. But you won't let me forget that I came

read. Well, that's why you have a book that literally will teach you how to read the ancient language of the... I think we gave that away and we destroyed the whole plot line. I think you're right. Yeah, we ruined everything, Frosty. I'm gonna do a nice choco-pop. I mean, you are all stealing me joy. What's wrong? Do you need to hug? Don't touch me, Renee! I need you to roll on the naughty list. Me? Yeah, you're yelling at Renee for no reason. Because she's stealing

No, I was offering you a hand. You are stealing me joy, Renate. I don't care for that. Why are you just grabbing something? Roll. Oh, I gotta roll. It's very tempting to do that, I will say. He's like, I just want more. Oh, 77. Minus 19. You're fine. I'm fine. Yeah, you're fine.

Rene! Why are you stealing me dry? I'm trying to give you dry. No, you're not. No, you're not. Do you want these hugs or not? You want some hugs? So, Bricko, you're a full merriment. Why don't you go on and get one of them reindeer and we can ride one of them? Oh, that's a great idea. No, no, no, no. I have to pull from the bag. We're not... Oh, he can ride the reindeer. Well, we can all ride the reindeer together. No, the DM has said that I need to finish my ship before I can ride the reindeer.

I did. Yeah, but no, you can fill up your whole merriment thing. He's filled it up all the way. So he can ride on that thing, right? Yes, he can ride a reindeer. Okay, let's go find a reindeer. Do you want to ride a reindeer?

Come on, let's go and run, reindeer. No, I'm underneath this mistletoe. Why don't you come back and make out with me? We'll have some joy together. So I will lead the group to the area and say, okay, Mr. Reindeer.

I'm feeling so merry. Have you seen me stocking? It's filled with delightful treats. Would you like one, Mr. Reindeer? Do you actually have something to give it? Do I? We have stockings, right? Weren't we given stockings by the person? No, you need to pull from my bag. Oh, we need to pull from the bag. I'll give it. Here, Frosty, I want to pull from your bag. Yeah, take my bag. Give me a little snooch on the way in. Why are you pulling something from the bag? I

I thought we need to get something for the reindeer. Didn't you instruct me that I had to pull from the bag in order to get the merriment I needed? No, I'm saying if you needed additional merriment, you can use the bag that has a certain amount of charges where you can pull a present from it. When you pull a present, you roll a d4, and you add that many numbers of merriment, and then you open a present. And that's always true about the red bag. That's always true about the red bag. And so I'm catching up from previous pulls because I was not doing that. Yes, I understand that. All right, but if... So...

I have no idea what we're doing now. So Griggo's at full merriment, so he can mount and ride a reindeer if he can find one and convince it to allow him to ride it. The same way you did in the very beginning. You just couldn't mount it because you weren't at full merriment. Oh.

So I need to be a full merriment, which means I need to use one of the charges. No, Mr. Reindeer, are you here? I'm a reindeer. Roll an animal handling check. I'm a reindeer. Come here. I'm a reindeer. Why did I roll that at advantage? I don't know. Exactly the same, literally the same roll. Animal handling, you say? 27. Yeah.

You call out and you see a reindeer slowly begin to approach as it peeks its head out of the fronds of the trees. You see that it is looking at you quizzically, but a little nervous. Hello, little reindeer. You're full of cheer. I'm feeling very merry today. You're looking very pleasant. It looks at you confused. It doesn't seem to speak common.

Oh, hello little reindeer, come here. I'm gonna walk up to it, and I'm gonna be feeling very wis-- And I'm gonna be like, I'll be casting Druidcraft and have little hollies. What-- What naughties do you have on you right now? I have-- I hate the trees. Right? Fuck. This Tree of Secrets. Everyone tried to steal my joy. Uh...

I'm not a child anymore. I've been transformed. My toes are frostbitten. Oh, my fucking toes. Right? Or no? No, you lost feet. I lost that. Yeah, you lost toes. So it's just the trees and everyone stealing my joy. Just making sure that you're keeping up with those.

I'll roll an animal handling check. They're stealing me joy. I did. 17. No, no, no. Another one. You're now approaching it. That was to get it to come to you. Natural 20. 30. I think he's got it. You are... It leans down and allows you to pet it. It seems to be calming to you and accepting of you. I'm gonna try to ride you now, Mr. Reindeer or Ms. Reindeer or Mrs. Reindeer. Yeah.

Roll an animal channeling check to see if it'll allow you to mount it. 1929! It leans down, its forward haunches, and it allows you to kick your leg astride it. There is a firm leather sandal mounted to it. Two straps of jingling bells, and as you find yourself astride it, you can see through the forest line that the other...

in the area are quizzical and interested as they make their way over, but they hold back to the side and you are firmly atop one of these, one of the Holly King's favorite reindeer. I'm going to cast Speak with Animals. Okay. I cast that and I'll say, Hello, Mr. Reindeer, do you understand me?

Oh yeah! Oh! That's great, I really like your voice! Thanks! My name is Grickle Grimgrin and I'm filled with lots of Yuletide cheer. Would you like me and my friends to ride your friends? Are they married like you are? Well, can I share the merriment? Oh no... So they need to be married too? Yeah... Oh well, guys, hey guys, you gotta pull off out of the bag.

Oh, give me the fucking bag. Take one. So you have to roll and not get nice. You have to roll. I failed my first roll. You roll with the 20. So you get to add 20. Can I roll another 20? Oh no, sorry, these ones are straight rolls.

Because you're using the charges of the bag. Can I roll it at two piece first? Uh, yes. Take the bag out the cremation. It's a D100? 52, barely. So roll a D4 and add that amount of merriment. Do we both pull from the bag? Yes, you pull from the bag, but then you add that amount of merriment. Can I roll? Yep. With D100, it's just a D100 straight. Okay. Alright, so... 75. Alright. Roll a D4, add that amount of merriment, and pull from the bag. Another one. Jesus Christ.

Gator watches color, guys. You like that? I have a second tabard. I'm going to pull again. Would you like my tabard? I would love a tabard. I've been very jealous of the tabard. That was very kind of you. You may roll with an additional 20 on the naughty or nice list. Merry Christmas. Oh, I roll again. I failed. Pulled from the naughty bag.

Me? Yeah, open the naughty bag. So I roll again? Yes. Can I add here a super green over there? This one? Yeah, that's the one. I got 31. So you don't have to do anything. Just nice. I add two merriment because of the thing. I will attempt to pull from the bag. Okay. And I get a 93. Okay, so roll a d4, add that. Okay.

And then pull some tag. That should finish me off with a one. It will not. But I do get to enjoy... Oh, run out. Run out. I don't know where this tiny motherfucker is. What's this guy doing in here? I got a little red winter hat. Oh, that's cute. That's just cute. That's just precious.

So is this one? That candy is one? Each candy is one. I'm pulling. I just want sweets. I just want to eat a lot of sweets. Why are you always stealing me joy? 71. Mr. Reindeer, he is so friendly. You roll a d4. Add that amount of merriment. Another one. Yep. I've only rolled a two and then all the rest have been ones.

Damn. We'll take another thing, make another attempt. I'll take another, yeah, make another attempt. Oh, that's fine. A Jackie in the box. Alright, we have four remaining. They're getting a nice respite right now. Yeah, we need a psychological aid. While they're gaining merriment. Another pass. A miniature snowball launcher. Oh, that's fun. So, hold on. Each one of the berries is one? Yes. So, hold on. I have...

So we have one, two, three, four... Is the sock itself one too? Yes. Okay. I'm almost done everyone, yay! I'm working on it, I'm working on it. I'm pulling from the bag again! Done. Okay. Do you have any charges left? We have three more charges left after you pull.

My stocking is done. No, that's a fail. All right, pull from the naughty bag. Oh, that's a great roll. Fail. Oh my goodness. Can we get these on the fridge after we finish? Yes, we do. I love coloring. What did you get? I zipped down my trash.

And I start pissing everywhere. Oh, no, my snow. I can't stop peeing. If you notice, Maya, yours specifically says you shovel snow into your mouth and you don't look at it first. Yeah. So I'm peeing everywhere. I eat this. Why?

Wow, this is disgusting. This is awful. We need to stop this right away. Both of you drink from the tankard right away. Hurry, quick, quick. You are stealing my joy by eating piss. Yeah, please. You're disgusting. Stop eating piss now. I can't dump it. Do I get to... Skedaddle, skedoodle, where's the scheme? Do I get to drink from it, Derek? Uh, what's that? Excuse me.

You need to drink from something. You need to drink from the tankard. Okay, I drink from the tankard. I no longer... Well, so is that the only thing you reflected with, is the snow? Yep. Okay. And you can roll for it if you want to stop peeing everywhere. I would prefer if you drank from the tankard this time. Yes, I would like to. Do you have anything besides the peeing? Yeah, I mean, we eat candies. The candy's one in three.

Great. So I'm still peeing. No one be nodding. Here's my stocking. Oh, it looks so cute. The tankard has 10 charges, so I don't know how many they have. It's going on the fridge. We used all but one. Oh, we have one charge left. Can I use one more to stop peeing?

I can't stop peeing! Can I take from the bag, please? The Santa bag? Stop stealing my joy! Yeah, we have two more bag items remaining that you can take from there, and I will also have to do that and hope that I get an acceptable number. So that's two. Nope, 32. You want to please take from the naughty bag? Oh, no, I forgot that that happens. Here, can I have the naughty bag, please? 56. All right, roll a d4. All right.

I made these bags today, by the way. Oh, thank you. I got exactly what I needed. I got three. Perfect. So I'm good. I don't need any more charges. I'm gonna take another charge from the bag if we have any. Any charge from the bag left? Of what? Of the Santa bag. Uh, it's the last time. Okay. I mean, you just need two more. 44. Uh, please take something from the naughty bag. Oh my god!

Every time I speak, soot billows out of my mouth. If I don't speak, the soot builds up until I start choking. This is an unfortunate predicament. I may have to drink from the tankard, but I have four naughty items. It makes it very low. Nothing makes me happy at all. How about these sweet winter shoes? Nothing makes me happy. And...

This is done. This is so much fun. I have a flute. Would anyone like a flute? No, I think that's all I have. Nothing makes me happy at all. Wood's gone. This is gone. Bear's gone.

Well, I don't know how we get out of this predicament. We are out of, uh, this bag appears to be empty, and, uh, we have only one tankard, uh, left. And, uh, I have only one more item to fill out in my, uh, imaginary, uh, thought town. Well, I mean, nothing really makes me happy, but I should try to be nice to me, maybe. That might work. Oh. Try to fucking cheer me up. I don't know. Are you still kissing people? There's no mistletoe here. Oh.

Let me think of something nice to do. I will go up to Kremi and I will take him around the waist. I can show you the world. The name shivering. Smoke is spilling out of his mouth. We haven't left the ground. Thanks for trying, Frost.

I know I can do this, so just hold on. Look, man, it's not going to work. Nothing makes me happy at all. What about a cute little dance from Hootsie? Hey, Hootsie, do a little dance. That's a great idea, Grickle. Hootsie, do a little dance for Crummy. Papa.

Nothing's gonna beat me. Hootsie does a dance and you feel like she gets to roll on the naughty and nice table. So I'm gonna do that for her. She's gonna have to throw a whole one of these? Luckily she passes, so she does gain some cheer. Good job, Hoots! I have to be nice. I can tell you another joke, perhaps.

Are you actually trying to be nice, Dan? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead and roll on the merriment table. Or the naughty or nice table. I thought I had to do something nice, not attempt to 94th. Oh, no, that's 49.

But with a d20, because you were attempting to do something bad. I can't fail, I got a two. 51. Nice. You may roll a d4 and add that to your marionette. It was signed by both Gricko and Hootsy. That's cute, Mike. That's cute. That's pretty cute. Oh, I got another red winter's hat.

Would you like a Red Winter's hat, Renee? I already have one. I have my Santa hat. There you go. Oh, another hat! Thank you! So with that, you feel all of yourselves full of merriment as you look around, you see... I don't have enough merriment yet. Oh, you still don't? No. Okay. And you're an asshole, so... Nothing makes me happy, but...

At least I'm with my friends. Let's all pull in together, I think this is a great time for a group hug. Come on, Uchi! Come on, Uchi, let's go! Kremi! Why don't you be something, do something nice, Kremi? I'm the Urusa Phantom Caravanus of Nihilandia, so I can fly you all around, it's very, very... And you don't have any more in the jug? I have one more tanker charged, but it seems like I should probably hold on to it.

Well, nothing can make me happy at all, so I don't know how I'm going to make others happy. Even with the Aggies? Hey, clap to him! Thank you! Give it to me! Give it to me!

You get to choose who you want to roll on the Naughty or Nice table and whether you want them to roll with a d20 or subtracted. Just know that there's a right answer and a wrong answer. Thank you for those, Delhoun. Thank you. Please, thank you.

How many more do you have? Check it out, everybody. I need one more roll. Because two's the minimum I can get out of two left. Here, why don't you drink from this tankard? Well, this is expensive. Give it to Cremate. Oh, no, that would have me sad. I drink the tankard. Oh, I'm happy again. Um...

What can I do? Oh, hold on. Give me an hour. I'm going to make you all a lovely meal. Oh, a lovely meal. What are you making for us, Crummy? Why don't you narrate as you cook? You know what? It's winter time. So Clapton just joined. So we are doing a very Feywild holiday one-shot. And when you do a twist of fate for us in this campaign, they are rolling on the naughty and nice table. So if you gift...

That to us, you can choose who you want to have to roll and whether they get to add a d20, which could potentially help them get something nice, or subtract a d20, which could force them to have to pull something from the naughty bag.

Which so far has been turning into Santa Claus himself. I just need one roll. Why don't you pull from this exploding cracker with me? It'll increase your merriment. Oh, really? Yeah, let's do it. So you might want to read it. It's fine. Two creatures must pull on either end.

competing strength check. A character can feign pulling and- Crammy, you get to roll and add a d20 thanks to Clapton. Oh, shit. Thanks, Clapton. Thank you, Clapton. 106. Nice. Yay!

That means you have to pull from the super not embedded. Thank you, Black Tim! Thank you, Black Tim! All those messy twists! You get to roll two d4s. Oh, shit. Oh, we need more coffee? Not that it will really help. Two d4s. I think that's everything. Yeah, three.

One, four, five. Yeah, I'm good. It is with that that you all find yourselves bursting to the brim with merriment. The reindeers are encircling the area of the forest that you're in and they're watching you curiously as you see Gricko astride his reindeer. What do you do? I think it's time. I think we're off of the line. Now we can...

mount one of these right here. Let's do it. Are you okay? No, I'm out of tanker. Oh, look at him. You see soot spilling forth out of his mouth. His lips are completely covered in soot. And you've been kissing with that mouth? Yes, very much. Pfft.

Let's go, Bricko, lead the way! I think we have to go and attract our own reindeer. Re-reindeer, hey! So, do a group animal handling check. Okay. And I still am at advantage because... Super cool. Do we get to add a d6? Natural 20. Are they fey creatures, these? They are. Alright. I got a 21. They're feyndir. What is that? They're feyndir, I love that. Why do we add a d6? Because they're fey. Because of our cloaks?

I think this is wisdom checks too. No, you add a d6 to charisma checks. This is a wisdom check, right? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I was doing performance. So never mind. Animal handling... 23.

Okay. Um, eight. You see as everyone around you is able to mount their reindeers, Cremie, but as you're moving forward, the one that you're trying to attract is having a difficult time. He seems very skeptical of you. I get off my reindeer and I come over and- Get the fuck over here! No, be this three and the- Please roll on the naughty table. Goddammit. I'm not good at this. I pass. Is that minus the d20?

Oh no, I don't pass. It was a 16 out of 61. I fail anyway. Oh boy. Well...

I'm now an ice statue. I can barely move. And if I melt, I die. We can definitely not get you on this reindeer now. Why were you naughty? Because he wasn't nice to the reindeer, and I was trying to help him. Well, there's no way for us to fix this now. Can we take a long rest? Can we just sleep? Let's take a nap.

Let's camp out in Rain Deer Town. Do I feel like there's anything that I can do outside of the mug to try and cure him of that? You think you could try? Could I...

try by casting Dispel Magic on me. I think you definitely could try by casting Dispel Magic. I will just do it at a third level because I don't know what's going on. Just don't melt him. Okay, go ahead and roll. Don't melt me or I'll fucking die! This is a... I roll a d20. Plus your... Wisdom. I hate body of war. That'll be a 12.

That's a 12. So that would be a third level spell or below.

Third level or below, I think automatically, but if it's... I always make you roll regardless because I don't want you to know what the spells are. You are able to channel your magic and dispel magic on him. You watch as the, as Kremi begins to turn back into himself, the statue form fading. Oh, look at that. All right, buddy. Hey, look, I just, look, I just don't want to, I don't want to fuck with you at all. You're very nice for me, dear. You look very kind.

And I don't know what the DC is, but why don't somebody help me so that I can roll with the advantage? Oh, hey. Renee is currently helping you. I did. You're not very thankful. Well, thank you so much. That was 15, but the advantage is going to be, it was almost a natural 20. That's a 13.

All right, come here. You slowly move towards it. It watches as you shift from an alligator to a statue back to an alligator. And as you move towards it, Renee's voice behind you coaxing it, it looks around and sees all of your friends astride their reindeer. And it slowly acquiesces to you and it bends down and allows you to pet it and then to mount it.

There you go. Oh, there we go. Isn't that nice? Isn't it nice to have Christmas cheer? You finished the first of four tasks.

Now, you have to get across the Forever Frozen lake, and then you have to get past the statue of the guards, and then you have to get into the throne room. No problem. Let's do it. Hey, Rene, do you remember that dispelling action? Action I could really... It does the whole thing. Me too. Me too. What's wrong with you? The trees, and I hate all of you right now. That's fine. You taking all me joy. Huh?

I'll dispel magic on him. On who? And I roll for it. On who? How many do you have on you? I can do d8 and then 1, 5, 2, 4, 6. That was not what I needed to roll. I need to roll a d20. Okay, so 23. Okay, you're easily able to dispel it as you wave your hand over him and you cast the magic and you feel all of the...

the afflictions. Oh, thank goodness. Well, that's a really simple magical solution. This is one time I can say that I actually care for magic. I appreciate that. Well, you know psionics is still magic, right? Thank you so much. No, no, no. It's totally different. No, it's not at all. It can't be counterspelled. It's not a spell, so it's a totally different thing. Well, it's magic, but it uses my mind brain power. But I mean, Renee uses the power of the gods and I use the power of...

of the wilds and Kremi uses the power of bear insomnity and it's all different ways and it's all just magic why is your brain we have people in the feywild who can also use their mind to do stuff and it still uses the weave well they were made of the weave and that's the same but I just use the power of my brain I don't have to have magical patronage I just do it through study and concentration yeah the same way wizards do it

We can have this conversation later. Okay, well, I'll see you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. I like your snow woman form. It's very nice. Thank you. Don't make any deals with the devil.

Stay cool, stay pristine. I don't know about anyone else, I've been literally imagining just the World of Warcraft snowman this entire time. And I'm imagining the Minecraft snowman.

And it is with that that you make your way to the edge of the forest, the edge of the Grove of the Eternal Evergreen. And you see the storm raging past you. And as you inch your reindeer slowly out into it, you realize that if you didn't have them as your mounts, you would take an amazing amount of damage, so much so that it would have forced you back into the forest to do exactly that which I had you do to get on the reindeer. Oh my god. And you realize that you have done it preemptively.

You've gotten onto these reindeer. And you believe they can travel you through. It takes hours. As they're moving slowly across the ice. But their hooves are able to find purchase in the snow in ways they don't slip and slide. They're able to see through the winds. And though you can't see anything in front of you, you know that they are leading you towards where you need to be. Two hours. Three hours. Almost four hours pass as you find yourself

looking out at what appears to be a frozen nothingness in front of you. And then there it is, slowly coming into view. The Hall of the Holly King. And as you look forward, you see that this place would be beautiful.

This large wooden and stone structure. You can still see the decorations around it. Twinkling lights, wreaths, garlands. But there's an emptiness to it, a coldness to it that you imagine hadn't been there before. And as you make your way towards it, you see a line of Nutcracker soldiers all at arms staring directly at you.

And as you move forward, they take their weapons and point them towards you. But they see that a couple of you are wearing the tabard of the Holly King himself. We all are. You all are. I gave him mine. As they lower their arms, realizing that you have entry to this place. And whatever shenanigans would have happened had you not pulled those, you are able to avoid as you ride the reindeer up towards the very front.

towards the inside of the halls. - Let us through, we've got these taverns. - The reindeer seem to know exactly where they go as they lead you from tunnel to tunnel to tunnel, or hallway to hallway to hallway, until you make your way into a large circular room with a gigantic open arched door.

Firmly emblazoned in two sides of these doors are two knights, one of them screaming at the top of their lungs, the other one praying to every god they can possibly imagine. They both look exactly the same, but the one that is praying has a beautiful silver halo hanging above his head. You listen and it's hard to hear him over the sounds of the other one screaming and screaming and screaming. The one that is praying is

Try brain to Mucinex. I'm sorry. Mucinex?

Mucinex, god of whatever you are god of, please end my suffering. Make him shut up. Quiet him before me. And he continues to pray. Oh, we could have told you what a tavern is. I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't realize that it was a sleeveless jerkin. You didn't know what a tavern is? I'm going to the rain bear now. I'm sorry. I learned what taverns were and rolled a workbook. Thank you for the reason. Thank you so much. So good to see you.

We have to make this man stop screaming, then we have to pray to do it. Dear gods, I've been praying for years. Make him stop. Just shut him up. Make him stop screaming. Well, if you all pray together to our own gods, maybe he'll stop. I don't think that'll work at all. He's been praying here for years. What's your name?

I do not have a name. I am but a knight in the door. Well, I've some prayers. Why is he screaming? Because he will not shut up. You ask him yourself, he'll scream at you. Monsieur, why are you screaming? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Why are we screaming? Ah! Ah!

Please make him be quiet. I'm going to take the midwinter flute and try to place it over the screaming man's mouth. The flute? And blow into it. You place the midwinter flute and you hear, Please leave me! Please leave me! As he blows air into it. Yeah, because I can't do a flute sound. And it is the most horrible sound you've ever heard. It hurts you. You bend your head over it and cover your ears. The sound of it is...

pure horror and terror as the other night. Oh, gods above and below, make them leave. Make them leave. Do not make this worse. Make him shut up. I have an idea. God, make him shut up. Uh, a screaming door. Please stop screaming. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Oh, God. Oh, Lord's above. I have sovereign blues. I have sovereign blues. Oh, why don't we play a nice lullaby? Oh, Lord's above. Go to sleep. I would like you to roll an investigation check. Go to sleep. Yes.

Go to sleep, 15 little scream doors. Frost, you're looking around. You hear Gricko performing this lullaby. And it seems to have no effect. You hear someone mention the sovereign glue, but you look and his lips never close. There would be no opportunity to...

to fix the lips together, his mouth is just open and screaming. The other one is grabbing his head and then you notice it. The halo above his head

is the only part that isn't fully fixed. It could be removed. Oh, is it a halo? Yeah, so the one that's screaming does not have a halo, the one that's constantly praying has a halo above his head. I'll walk up and you'll see me reach out for the halo. Oh, gods above, what are you doing? I'm going to remove this halo. It doesn't appear to be fixed. Sure, just make him shut up. Oh, lord, lords above and beyond. Yeah, you take it.

I have a halo. Lords above and beyond, please be given. Are you like an angel now? Shut himself up. Oh, lords above. Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm going to grab it and jump and try to put it. Here you go. Merry, merry Utah. What are you doing? I'm putting it above the gentleman and screaming. There's no slot there. You take it and you throw it above it. It clatters down his face and he continues to scream. Ah!

I think we have to fix it. Oh, there's a fix? No, it's not fixed. It's not a fix. A fixed. Please, gods above, make him quiet. Shut him up. Shut him up. Look through it. Oh. You look through it and everything looks... Yeah, here we go. Everything looks normal. Um...

Grammy, you usually know what to do in these situations. Are you a creature, fella? No, he's not. No, he's not. Come on. He's vile type. Oh, the door is screaming. It's not two knights standing there. So there is a door. It's an arch door that has the two doors inset into it. One has a knight that had a halo above it. He's the one talking and praying to you. The other one is constantly screaming and

And he has no halo above his head. Okay. You were able to pull it out, and it is a large ring. It looks roughly about the size of the mouth of the screaming one. Oh, if you give it, like, a mouth ring, like, I'm not into that kind of kinky shit. Renee. But you assumed that I would. I mean, this is about the right size. Of what? Go ahead! Use the ring! Okay.

What do you want me to do with it? I'm gonna grab it and shove it in the mouth. You take it, and I would like you to roll a sleight of hands check for me, please. Oh.

With advantage. I did not think you were up for that, Craig. Natural 20. Okay. You grab it from the floor where it had dropped as Frost attempted to throw it onto his head. The other knight, the holy knight, that's constantly praying for this one to shut up, you take the ring and you slam it into the mouth of the screaming knight, and his lips close around it, forming a door knocker.

And as you do this, silence overcomes him. The holy knight, please, that you finally silenced the other knight. Silent night. Holy night. As you silence the one knight.

You realize that you are now able to use the knocker to open the door and enter into the chamber therein. Hey, guys, we just did Silent Night. That's the best fucking thing ever. Do you get it? That's so fucking good. Do you get it? By the way, I mean, I guess she'd be okay. You kind of watched that. Maybe he's into that. That's why I was like, you know what? But it's fine. If you've seen Labyrinth, you'll understand. It's a big old knocker. Well, it's almost as good as Cyclops.

Yeah, that was so-- You knock onto the ring and you feel the door give way as it opens in front of you. You are now staring into the open chamber of the Holly King. Sitting on the throne is the haggard old woman, Gryla, spilling around her 12 Yule Lads, the creepy troll creatures.

You recognize one of them. It's easy enough to see him. The yogurt gobbler. Oh no. And you! We're going to have to defeat her and these twelve lads and whoever the other one was. Changed to the corner, you see, lashed and bloodied and hurt, crying out in pain, the Krampus, the Holly King in his new form, strapped to his back. The dark sack is bulging and undulating with the screams and cries of the children therein.

What is that? Give those kids back! And where's the Harley King? Oh, you want the children? Yes! Well, you can't have them. Why not? Once we've taken all the children, I will consume them and I will loan this land. How does that work? What? How does that work? Why do you need kids to own the land? Every child I consume, I get stronger. Oh. Well, it's not very festive of you to do that. So you should probably just hand it over to us. It is very festive.

I feed on their naughtiness. Oh, they're naughty children? Every child is naughty. Hey, who hasn't been there, frankly? So... Turn this fella back. Yeah. Or else we'll have to fucking kill you. We're gonna die. We can kill you. You think you can kill me? Hey, we've killed a lot of things. Do you want me to set my pet on you? What's your pet? Krampus. Krampus?

Do you want to do mommy's bidding? And you can see as it turns and looks towards you, its face has fallen. It's been beaten and bruised. It lets out a wail of agony, but you see as it tries to get up, its body is wracked in pain. But it gets up and it starts to move towards you. It pulls on the chain and you can see that it hurts it as it yanks it back. But it tries to anyway. Let's you kill each other then.

And she sits there and watches you. We need to free the children and we need to end this Krampus so that Holly can return. We need to kill the witch. Should we just go for it? Roll an intelligence check. Frost? Mm-hmm. Oh, Frost, remember that thing? Oh, you don't need me. Um, oh yeah, 24. Look at your magical items.

I knew it. The flute, probably. The flute? Right? Doesn't the flute do something? You're trying to use it on Gricko. You have Santa's scent. Well, I have this sleeveless jerkin. That's what I'm before you gotta banish the hag! Suck it up in the sack! Put the witch in the oven! Put it in Christmas! I mean, you!

Utah justice, not Christmas, not Christmas, please. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you're saying. I'll take the red winter's hat and I'll attempt to throw it in the head of the Krampus. Please make a slight hand.

Not bad. That's my best. 17. You take your winner's hat. You realize what Gricko's laying down. Oh, yeah, the rep. You take your hat and you sail it across. Gryla looks up confused as the Yule lads scamper about tearing at each other. One of them is shoveling yogurt down his throat. Hey, you're

Ooh.

in a lot of pain and very confused. I'm sorry. I know that wasn't what you suggested. I will fall for it behind the lady, and I will attempt to back her. And also, can you please roll on the naughty or nice list for me, please? You're terrible, Frosty! I will attempt to back the lady. Hey, skin gobbler! Skin gobbler, I'm your big fan!

Um, one. One? Wait, you have to roll a d20. We'll see what you get. No, no, it was just straight. That one was straight. I would like you to pull two from the naughty back. Give me the shit. While he's doing that, I want to shoot Eldritch Blast at the chains holding the Krampus. Okay. Roll to attack. No, not the Krampus chains.

Hey, skin gobbler. Hey. Hey, that's not what you're supposed to sound like. That's what it sounds like. That's all I can do. Do I see any snow around me? Oh, there's snow everywhere, yeah. The lowest is a 27. No, they all hit, yeah. And I want to yell, look, this isn't you, you tramp.

Now kill that fucking witch! And I'm trying to like break the chains. You are able... How many bolts do you have? Three? You are able to break three of the chains. One on... Both on its wrists and one on one of its legs. The other one is still attached. As it lumbers, it feels itself released. It looks back at her and you can see the crazed look in its eyes. She has some kind of effect over it. And though it looks like it's...

There's a sadness to its face. It still is trying to lumber towards you, but it's still completely trapped in chains. Oh, you want to use my pet against me? I'm going to shoot all three at the last one. My limbs start to curl like this until all of them look like candy canes. And then I start to stare madly at the snow, licking myself, and just unspeaking, I go into a nightmare madness house. I'm going to die for the bag.

Frosty, you're fucking useless! And you try to steal my joy! I'm gonna steal your bag in exchange! I'm a candy cane man. I want you to roll on the naughty table for stealing his stuff. Oh no! Just straight. 21.

You are able to hit it. As the last blast hits and it tears forth from it and it lumbers towards you and you need to all roll for initiative. No, no, no! Kill her! And you can put Krampus out there on the map. Oh, Krampus! Oh, skedaddle, skedoodle! My brain is a noodle! What does it say? Uh...

You probably, you already know how this goes. I can only speak in song, rhyme, riddle, or prose. Oh, God.

Can I get... Can... Do I still get to get the bag? I need to capture this filthy old hag. You do get the bag, but you all need to roll for initiative as the Krampus is lumbering towards you. I get the bag. We don't need a... Uh-oh, that map camera. Where is it?

Oh, remember it's a new camera now? Oh yeah. That's why I'm having issues here. Excuse me. I just want you to know I started writing Call of the Feywild and it turned into Feychild. Yeah, that's mean. That's you. That's mean. Call of the Feychild. Sixteen. Seventeen. I'm sorry, also sixteen. Wait, no, what's my dex? Never mind. I'm at fourteen.

And so you were 16? Yep. Uh, I am... 18. What were you, Gricko? Uh... Oh shit, oh no. 18. Sorry. Which one of you wants to go first? Frost or... Is this happening? Crummy. Yeah. Or Gricko or Crummy. Me. Me. No, I'll go first. You can go first. We're back.

I'll go figure it out. All right, Gricko, you are first in initiative. I don't have things, so... I'm gonna have the bag, and I'm gonna run up, opening it, and I'm going to... I don't know, what's the range on this thing? I'm just gonna open it as it unleashes the laugh of Father Winter. And I'm gonna say, um...

I don't know why you're sitting there all smug and hearty. All I know is that you've been naughty! And I'm going to... She's a roll at disadvantage for your... For my... Rich, we're doing this theater of mine. She fails. She gets trapped in the set. Just watch after the umbrella behind you. Ah! Ah!

You watch as Gricko runs forward. The bag opens up. You hear the booming laugh. As he jumps down, he swipes up some of the skier with his hand and licks it as he

covers the bag over Gryla, covering her completely with the bag. You see as she struggles, and for a second it looks like she's going to make her way out, but he's able to pull the string and trap her in it. You see as you, or you hear a loud pop as one, two, three, four, five,

Each one of the Yule lads begins to pop out of existence. No longer the anti-magic covering inside of this bag keeping her magic from working. As you watch as the Krampus lumbers towards you, it's in pain, it's bleeding, its eyes look charmed as all of a sudden you see the twinkle begin to appear.

as the horns begin to shrink and where there was leathery dark skin you now see the the auburn billowy beard his form begins to shift and change as running towards you is now a a pained and and beat up holly king i will immediately oh oh oh

Oh, what an adventure. Are you all right? No. Hold on, I'm going to go and open this stack of children. You are looking at me like you would like to kiss me. And you see that he has mistletoe, dragonflies,

wreathed all around his head. I am no longer under that effect. Oh, you're right, you're not. I think I'm a candy cane man, and I also... I mean, I wouldn't mind, but I still think I would go and free the children. And you see as he... There is still a pack on his back. It's almost an exact replica of the one that you have. As he flips it around and he looks inside. I'll get you safely home, young ones. Don't you worry.

And I'll hold his bag to him and I'll say... He reaches out and he grabs it from you and attaches it to his belt. This victory should not be shocking. Please put coal into her stocking. You're really good. We're really good. This is what I do.

You have done a good thing here today. Champions of Oberyn, and now champions of the Holly King. You look like shit, though. Here, please eat this, and I hand him the killing candy. You actually see as he opens up his bag on his back, and you see multiple tiny hands, the children, reaching out with what looks to be candy canes. As he grabs them, he begins distributing them to all of you.

This should clear your mind of all that ails you. I'm good. Well, at least heal yourself up. I know, I realize that. He doesn't. He's a can. He's just watching you lick the fur off of your hand. Well, what is the day? What is the day? I think you still have a whole day left. Is it too late? Can we all go back to the banquet? We can.

Let me summon Rodolfo, the greatest of all reindeer. Oh my god. That's a great name. Meet me out front. I hold on, and I'll take my hat off, and I'll plop it on his head. To not mention would be a shame. Give.

uh, takes his, uh, his finger and he like tilts up your chin and he gives you a smile. Oh, a jolly one. You meet me outside. I will ready this lady. I'll bet you that Rodolfo is a climatologist. Let me just say, as you make your way out front, you watch as the largest of all reindeers clops its way into the room. He mounts it and rides at full speed directly down the path. Um,

down through the gully of all of the Nutcracker guards and you see as some of them are pulling around a beautiful red sleigh. The reindeers that you had ridden here on now tethered to the very front. He pulls Rodolfo up to the front in a position of honor as he helps move you in to the sleigh itself.

As he cracks the whip, it begins to levitate and rise up into the air. And it quickly brings you back towards the festivities. You're held in a place of honor. The children are returned to the land. You're able to rest up and cured of all of your maladies. And you have a lovely couple of days in the lap of luxury. You spend time with Oberyn and hear the tales. You find out that he is but half of the Holly King himself.

They are one and the same, and not the same at all. You learn of their job in bringing about the changes of the seasons, midsummer and midwinter, what has entailed there. You've now witnessed both festivals, and you are an honored guest of both halves.

You're able to witness the rise of the Holly Kings. He defeats Oberyn in battle. And you're able to spend, I'm not saying it, you are able to spend the 12 full days at court reveling in the 12 days of Yuletide revelry.

You gain presence and honor and make brilliant new friends and form a bond with Oberyn that you didn't think you'd be able to form. Without Titania's watchful eye here, he was different, more jubilant, more himself. And it was lovely.

And you hope that next year you'll be witness to these festivities again. And that is where we will end this session. Happy... You'll be witness. You'll... I was going to say, you'll observe the end of this session. Holy shit, that was fun. Awesome. It feels fucking good. Happy Yule, everyone. Happy Yule.

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