Bonus Bang: Zach Galifianakis, Paul F. Tompkins, Dillon Campbell Pt. 1 (Essential Andrew Lloyd Webber)
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Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, host of Comedy Bang Bang, and welcome to our very first bonus bang. Each week we are bringing you a bonus podcast episode. These will be from the Comedy Bang Bang vaults. You've heard of the Disney vaults. These are even more airtight, the CBB vaults. Occasionally there might be some other fun stuff. We'll see what happens a little later, but...

Here we go. This is the first one. Are you new to Comedy Bang Bang? Well, that's amazing. This is a great chance to enjoy classic episodes for the first time. Have you been a listener since the beginning?

Now you can re-listen to your favorite long-running jokes that were previously behind the paywall. To kick it off, we are doing a series that we are calling The Essential Andrew Lloyd Webber. For the next six weeks, we're going to be releasing classic, very, very theatrical episodes.

Featuring Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, played by Paul F. Tompkins. This is one of Paul's classic characters. He came in pretty much fully formed. Paul had been doing him, I believe, on stage for a number of years.

This is how it all began. This week's episode is episode number 76. Wow, 76. It's called Can He Sing, Jeremy Piven? We recorded this back in 2010 when the show was known as Comedy Death Ray Radio and was also a radio show in addition to being a podcast. Zach Kalifianakis is a guest and musician Dylan Campbell joins singing two songs.

And of course, if you like what you hear and want to hear the entire CBB archive, you can become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com where you can find every episode that we've recorded as well as every single live episode. We're going to be back next week with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. And until then, though, enjoy this bonus bang. Comedy Bang

What's up, hot dog? Thank you, Reggie Watts. The perfunctory what's up, hot dog. Thank you, Reggie Watts. So nice of you to drop by L.A. Making time out of your busy schedule or schedule, as the English say. Yeah.

To sing that song and welcome to Comedy Death Ray for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. Have a great show for you this week. Let me just hype what we have. We have a musician. We have a different musician and we have a different musician and then some other people who are here.

And they, did I really set the scene all that well? I don't know. I don't know if anyone's going to keep listening after hearing that. But a little later we have some music from Dylan Campbell. Why don't you just say hi, Dylan, and we'll talk to you a little later. Hello, all. Hello, all. Wow. Taking a little liberties with his hi there.

Um, gilding the lily, one might say. But, uh, we also have a very special guest coming up a little later, but right here to my direct right, in the Earwolf Studios for the first time in his life, probably. Is this the first time, do you think, you've ever been in this room, in this building? Yeah.

Maybe when it was something different other than the studio? Great first question. Let me just welcome you first before you speak. It's Zach Galifianakis, star of, let me see, Scream, certainly. Scream 1 and 2. Yep.

Should I say scream or scream? Scream, yes. Star of Scream. A lot of people don't know that you had that Scream mask on the entire time. You were the killer. Yeah. And then they unmasked you and then they cut to a Skeet Ulrich. Is that who it was? Yeah, he was the killer. Spoiler! Scream 1 spoiler!

Skeet Ulrich and that dude Shaggy. They both played the killer in Scream 1. Oh, that guy with the annoying face? Yeah, the singer Shaggy. Oh, okay.

No, that guy, what's his name? I know who you're talking about. Yeah, Lillard. Matthew Lillard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you think he has an annoying face? It's not his fault, but it looks like something always smells bad when you look at him. Yeah, when you look at him. No, when he looks, it looks like he's always smelling something bad. So whose fault would you say it is? His mother's? His father's?

Maybe he has a sensitive nose. Maybe something always does smell bad. That is true. What if he was afflicted with that? Okay, see you later, Zach. Thanks for dropping by. You can join Reggie right outside. Hey, Reg. That's great going along with the bit there. I enjoyed that. Zach, thanks so much for coming by. It's great to see you. You're here and, oh, your shit's blowing up. Oh, look who's calling. I like that movie, too.

Zach is actually stepping on his phone, so I can't see who's calling, but I already did. Yep. Do you want to say who's? Yeah, I should say probably. Yeah, he'll enjoy a mention on this program. Yep. Yep. So, um... Casey, uh, oh no, what's his name? The producer guy. The guy that's sitting to my right who I don't know. Why are you shaking your head?

Wait, Casey, he's a producer or he's in the producers? I was trying to think of somebody's name. You can edit this part out. You almost said Casey Wilson. No, I know, but I was meant to say... You was meant to say... I meant to say the guy that did all of Michael Jackson's stuff. Quincy Jones. That is really far away from Casey Wilson. That's what I was trying to say. But I said Casey Wilson for some reason.

So, Zach, you're in L.A. You're here for a little while. Yeah. And since you showed up to the show last, you... What's been going on? I caught you in the middle of a yawn there. So sorry if you weren't prepared. Let's take it again in four, three, two... What has been going on since the last time I saw you in a radio show? In a radio show. Yeah, not since the last time you saw me, but in the last time you saw me in a radio context. Um...

I've gotten my radio voices a little bit better. Okay. I've been working on that. Let's hear them. Well, this is it. Oh. This is like a lower register. A little FM voice? Yeah. Like, hey, coming up next, we have a pretty good tune from the Beasties.

Right? Something like that. I've been working on my voice and I'm theater trained and all that stuff. Oh, you are theater trained? Yeah. Tell me a little bit about that. Since the last time I saw you, I've been getting some theater training. Really? Yeah. Is that due to your appearing in a lot of TV and movies and you want sort of a spine, a backbone of training? I've been lucky enough to find some work, but then everybody that I work for, they tell me I'm not good.

And I should get some training under my belt. So really, so what exact kind of training have you had? Martial arts, stage fighting, voice training, projection, meaning film projection. Right. In case something happens with one of your movies. Yeah. And overall, just limberness, stage limberness. They teach that class, really? Yeah. Is that like a movement class or is it actually called limberness?

What a dumb question. Oh, thank you. Of course it's called limberness. If you were ever in a hurry to get there, is it like a rush limberness class? Never mind. Sorry, I tried to traffic in what you normally... No, I don't appreciate that kind of humor.

So the big news with you is your big new movie, Due Date, is coming out in a little bit. And this is a movie with, I call him RDJ. RDJ? Is that what people call him? Robert Downey Jr.? Yeah, RDJ. I call him another Irish mistake. Yeah, people call him, I don't know, Robert? Robert? Robert Jr. Jr. Robert.

Yeah, you can call him anything you want. I can, really. Will you ever introduce me to him, do you think? Sure, if you want to meet him. Yeah, I'd love to meet him. Really? Yeah, definitely. Absolutely. Big Iron Man fan. Less than zero. My two favorite movies. The Pickup Artist. Number three. Haven't seen one of them. Really? Why is that? Not a big movie buff.

Now, that is interesting to me because you got into the field of movie. Yeah. Into the field of movie. You got into the film field, and yet you don't necessarily like them. Right. If you're a mailman, you like to go hang out at the post office? I don't know. It's just your job. Yeah.

Pretty good point, if you ask me. What inspired you then to get into the field if you don't even like it? No skills. I would imagine a mailman would see a mailman delivering mail one day and go, ah, that is what I want to do. I think it's process of elimination. Hold on, this is new voice. Yeah, what's going on with that? No, I think it's, well, I don't know. You stand up is how it started, and then you get offered these other things.

This is an interesting question, though. You don't have to be a film buff. I do enjoy it, but I don't know a lot about the entertainment business. I'm learning. Yeah, you're very savvy now, I have to say. Just in the last year since I've seen you in a radio context, you have a lot of information about what's going on with studios and studio heads. I know what a studio is. I found out this weekend when a hammock, when a TV show is hammocked. Oh, what is that? I don't even know what that is. No? Hmm.

It's when your lead-in show is doing well, and then the show you're in takes a dip, and then the show after is doing well. So it's hammocks, like a sloping negative slope. Wow. Now, did you learn that because it had something to do with bored to death? Or is that... What exactly has happened? Why would you have learned that term? I was online wanting to learn some entertainment terms.

Because I have a thirst. I have this real thirst for all kinds of knowledge, especially that kind of stuff. Like, are we going to win the weekend? It's become real important in my life. Yeah, I always explain what Hammock is because of a show I'm on. This is... I am actually fascinated with this because you have a certain... Je ne sais quoi? Not only that, but you have a certain disdain for the entertainment business. Yeah.

For your craft. No, you have, you kind of have a certain, you don't really care about showing up to events. I know you were invited to a couple of award shows to do some stuff on it that you've never done stuff for. On we. A certain on we.

But to what extent do you actually care about stuff like grosses? Like when The Hangover came out, were you actually excited by the fact that it made money or did you not even know about that? I didn't really know about it, but I did get it. I started getting excited because it was just like, oh, you're going to be in a big movie. I mean, I can't deny that was fun to watch. It's exciting, right? As a human being, it's exciting. Right, right. But that other stuff, it's just –

I mean, I don't know. It's not that important. I mean, it's good to... You want people to see things that you're in, but, I don't know, you find yourself... It becomes too much of a thing to talk about rather than other things like...

Dinosaurs or Asperger's Syndrome. Two of my favorite topics. Let's talk about either of those. Go ahead. Oh, the onus is on me. Dinosaurs. They recently said that the Triceratops, I believe, did not exist. Yep. Pretty weird. Um...

What was the other topic? Asperger's? Asperger's syndrome. Is that how you pronounce it? Asperger's? Well, the original German pronunciation is Asperger's. Okay. What do you have to say about that? I'll let you start with this one.

Let's think. Can we go back to movie grosses? Okay, great. Did you see the grosses from this week? No. Who won? Who won the weekend? Amazing. I know who won. Yeah. Because it's a great movie. Yeah. The Social Network. So that is a movie that you actually like. Fantastic movie. And why did you go see it since you don't really like movies? I like that guy's movies. No, I don't say I don't like movies. Fincher or Sorkin? Or Andrew Garfield?

David Fincher. Fincher. He does, I like the way his movies look. They always look like they're dark. Not like a theme, but just the way they're shot. Very cinematic lighting. Very, oh, what's this voice? I'm trying your voice on for size.

I can do a lot of different voices, so if you want, just through my training, so if you want me to. Yeah, I'd love to hear an example of it. Okay. But it has to come up organically. Oh, okay. I can't be commanded to do it. Right. You know, I... Hello, Gov! Yeah.

Was that really organic? I'm not so sure. So you have Due Date coming out very soon. And this is with Todd Phillips again, who did The Hangover. And this is his movie right after The Hangover, where he basically said, you know who I liked from The Hangover was Zach. You know who I liked working with is Zach. So let me work with him again.

And he puts our DJ in there. Your DJ? Yeah. He puts our DJ in there. From your wedding? Yeah. Oh, God. That guy was horrible. I think I've talked about it on this show. But what was that? Anyone hear that? Was that just in my headphones? I'm a party in wings.

Out there. Out there? Somebody's ringing the bell. Somebody's ringing the bell. It's a good song. What do you like in music? Right now? You're a big music fan. I know you listen to My Morning Jacket and Annuals. Music I can talk about. Okay, let's talk about it. Right now what I'm listening to, I'm listening to this German DJ guy that takes old southern... Our DJ? Yeah.

Old Southern. I'm trying to hit my phone with my toe to see. What is going on with your phone? I was trying to get my phone to... Oh, the name of the group is Alabama 65. Some German group. A bunch of... And they take these Southern... You know how Moby did it a few years ago? Yeah, he took old blues records from the early 1900s. These guys do the same thing, but it's a little cleaner. Cleaner in the sense of less VD? It's less... It's not as intricate. Yeah.

It's more simple. Just kind of stripped down arrangements, in other words? It's arrangements with old timies. And when you say old timies, is it blues records like Moby did, or is it a different style of music? It's gospel. Gospel. Some of it's gospel. What do you like about it? I like to think that there's German guys in Berlin mixing old gospel music. Makes me feel good. So you like the story behind the music. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. TV show.

I like music where I can imagine a commercial playing under it or over it. Oh, like this could be a Nissan. Yeah, this could be. This is very cinematic stuff. Or I can imagine this song in a David Fincher movie. Well, that's how they... I read an article that that's how a lot of musical groups are getting their break. Musical groups. Yeah. Combinations. Because what they're doing is the radio is not playing them. The radio is all the same...

They're not playing any new music, so the commercials pick it up. People go, oh, what is the name of that song for, you know, in that Skittles ad? Skittles has pretty good music in it. Hello? So if you're planning on reading an article about this topic, don't bother because it was just explained to you. Yeah, don't try to Google it. It's not worth a Google. Nope.

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years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Speaking of music, why don't we talk to our the person we mentioned a little bit before, but Dylan Campbell is here to do some songs for us today. Now, welcome. Hello all again. Hello all. Why don't you get right up there on the mic? You know, as a musician, you're going to have to be come accustomed to singing and speaking into a microphone. Dealing with the mic. Yeah, that's going to be a

One of the things that maybe you could go to Zach's school and maybe they teach a mic technique class. We do, actually. Do you really? What have you learned in your mic technique class? Well, I teach it. Really? What do you teach there? Mic placement, mic holding, just basic chord work. How many kids per class? Right now it's 55, and it's weekly. It's a weekly class. Just weekly? No, I have a class every night of the week, I should say. Oh, I see. You can only take it once a week, but I'm booked up seven days a week.

You never take a day off? Not for this. I'm real passionate about this class. Does it get in the way of your... It goes all the way to... It just goes to Easter, and then we're done. Does it get in the way of your filming at all, or...? Conveniently, I've worked my contract around my mic technique classes. That's the way you have to do it. It's at the Learning Annex, if you guys want to come down. Mm-hmm.

It's Monday through Thursday, then Thursday through Sunday. Okay, good. Excluding Easter? Easter will be, Easter service is the last class. What are you going to be doing in the Easter service? That's a morning class then. That's a little bit of a surprise for the students. I can't really give them away. Oh my gosh. Give a little bit away though. Well, all right. What we do is we have an Easter egg hunt and we've taped tiny microphones.

Really? Really.

I thought this was a mic technique class, not a recording class. This is part. It is all mic technique, but this is the bonus at the end. Oh, wow. Do you send them to the band in Germany and they mix it together or you do it yourself? Great question. What happens is I send it to, there's a radio show in Panama City, Florida.

It's right around spring break, right? So they mix it and then it kind of debuts or debuts in Panama City for spring break. Perfect. The end? It's not the end. This is not about me. This is more about Dylan. Let's talk to Dylan. Let's you and me talk to Dylan. Okay. Let's swing our chairs around and face him. Now, Dylan, you're a musician from Los Angeles. I am. You were saying to me that you grew up right here in

San Fernando Valley. San Fernando Valley, home of Magnolia. Yes. And Boogie Nights. Yes. And Three Days in the Valley. Is that a movie? I'm looking at Zach like he's any help. Three Days in the Valley. Yep. Throne. Justin Throne. Ha ha ha.

And you've been playing for a little while, an eye on a decade, you were telling me? Yeah, about seven years. Okay. That's halfway between a decade and a half decade. Dustin, where do you play? Dylan. Dylan. Olivertown. Olivertown. Olivertown. Now, as a musician... Oliverstone. Great director. Great director.

He's at Oliver Towne. Uh-huh. Just bringing it back to the movie. You really like him as a director? Yeah. Name one good movie he's ever made. One. And I'll let you off the hook here. That killer movie.

Natural Born Killers? I liked it. All right. There you go. Money Never Sleeps. Dylan, as a musician, is it difficult having a name like Dylan and then you play an acoustic guitar and you do harmonica? I mean, is that getting away at all? A little bit. That's why I started playing electric. Really? Did people start booing you when you did? No, no, no.

But really, you spell your name a little bit differently. It's D-I-L-L-O-N. But as a musician, did you ever think about changing it? Or maybe you did change it to that. I didn't. Really? That is your actual name. I changed my middle name. Really? Not my first name. What is your middle name? It was Ian, and I changed it to Tide. Dylan Tide Campbell. Is that a true story? It is. I was watching a Tide commercial. My mom said, do you like your middle name? And I said, no. And she said, do you want to change it? And I said, Tide?

She said, like the ocean? I said, no, like the commercial. I was three. And she changed it? Yep. Legally? Mm-hmm. Your mother sounds insane. Wonderfully insane. Yeah, that's amazing. So she seems like one of those San Fernando Valley artist types, or what does she do? She's actually from Wichita. Really? Kansas. Yep. Thanks, Zach. Good add-on. I'm a geology buff.

Zach Galifianakis will be here the entire hour. The reason that's funny is because the correct word is geography. Yes. And Dylan, is it tough having the last name Campbell? A lot of comparisons to Pete Campbell from Mad Men? Quite a few. Campbell Brown? Yeah. Other famous Campbells? The Soup Company. My... Luther Campbell. Luther Campbell, definitely. Yeah. Yeah.

Do I have to come up with another Campbell? You're last, so you have to come up with another one. That's how the game works. Campbell, Campbell. Any kind of... Any kind of Campbell. Craig Campbell. Great. Yep. You're last, so you've got to come up with another one. Oh, I was going to tell you who he is. Oh, okay. Please do. Second baseman for the Pittsburgh Pirates, 74 to 72. Really? You've got a time machine? Mm-hmm. How do you know so much about baseball? Baseball fanatic. Really? Yep.

Did you ever see that movie, The Fan? It was all about a baseball fanatic similar to you. No, I didn't see that one. Who's in that? Albert Brooks? You think he is? No. Oh, is he? I don't believe he is, no. There's no Craig Campbell. I don't know if that's true. Do you edit these? No. Oh, well, you should tell people. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure it's been clicked.

By now. A lot of people accuse me of getting too in the way of the guests, so I'm trying to take it back a little. I don't think that's the case, Scott. Dylan. Yes. Let me show you how it's done. Ready? Yeah. Dylan, what was, do you perform in the streets?

No, I used to. Where? In the beginnings, just all over the place. Just Hollywood and Highland. Sit there with a guitar, pick away. For change? No, just for fun. I was an MI then, so. Let me ask you this. Let's jump a few years. What do you think, where would you like to be ultimately in your career as a musician? The top tier. Scott, you want to take over? No.

What's so wrong with the other tiers? Nothing. Why you gotta shoot for that top one? Why not? You know? Um, alright, so Dylan, you, uh, you're gonna play some songs for us the entire hour, right? Yes. And, um,

We do want to talk about your CD and your, is it an EP? Do people call it an EP anymore? It's an EP. An extended play? Yep. Which means bigger than a single, right? Mm-hmm. Because this is four songs. Mm-hmm. And what is the title of that again? Save Yourself. Save Yourself. But you're going to play Save Yourself a little bit later. But what are you going to play for us right now?

I will be playing Wrong and Right. Wrong and Right. Now, this deals with the concept of morality and the choices we make in life? Yes. Okay, and just as a spoiler, before we listen to it, what conclusions do we come up with at the end of the song? I think everyone kind of draws their own conclusions from my music. That's a cop-out, Dylan. I want you to tell me what to think here.

I can't tell you what to think. God damn it. I don't know. What does your song tell me to do? It talks about a relationship and kind of goes over in hindsight what the right points of the relationship and what the wrong points of the relationship were. According to the narrator? Yes. I see. All right. Well, let's enjoy that. This is a song from the narrator's point of view.

Talking about the right points of a relationship, the wrong points of a relationship. It's called Wrong and Right. I'm sure you'll hear those words in the song a few times. And this is Dylan Campbell, and you can get the EP on iTunes. Here we go. You all ready to play it? I am. Let's hear it. This is Comedy Death Ray. ♪

How did you know just where I would be? Now you're living unhappy with me Guess I'll go out and I'll hang from a tree I could not speak and you could not see Where did we go wrong?

Where did we go right? Where did we go? Cause I'm sleeping all alone tonight I've been sleeping, bruised and beaten all through the night How did you know I would be here tonight? I danced until dawn and made love all night

My bark is much stronger and worse than my bite. Look into my eyes, not into the light. Where did we go wrong? Where did we go right? Where did we go wrong? Darling, I'm sleeping all alone.

Been sleeping, bruising, beating all through the night Where did we go? Where did we go right? Where did we go?

Dylan Campbell, this is Comedy Death Ray. I'm here with Zach Galifianakis, star of the recent, it's kind of a funny story,

And of the upcoming Due Date. And the Due Date movie, explain it just really briefly, just the plot of it. Sure, I'd like to. Okay, what it is. You ready? I'm so ready. I've been dying to hear this. There is a situation where a character, a very anal character, played by Robert Downey Jr., cannot get on a plane because he's lost his privileges. He's on a no-fly list.

And he has to get back to the birth of his wife in L.A. Okay. Got it. That's it? All right. Well, I'm in the movie. Oh, wait, wait. You're in this too? Talk about my part in it. Okay. Let's hear it. I play, you're not going to believe it, a chubby, bearded, annoying guy. And we don't get along. And we go across the country.

Why are you forced together in this situation, or is that giving too much of the plot away? No, because we're on the same flight. I bump into him knowing that he can't fly, and I can't fly either. I get kicked off the plane. I rent a car. He has no ID. No, he has no ID. So I say, do you want to ride with me? There's no more to it than that.

It seems like this movie's probably at least an hour and a half. You could explain a little more. There's more. Okay. Okay, great. We run into the law. Johnny Law. We end up in many places we shouldn't be. Do you think there's ever been a road trip movie where people didn't run into the police at some point? Like they've run afoul of the authorities? I was stopping the question. Do you think there's ever been a road trip movie? No.

I was just saying, nope, there hasn't been one. This is the first one. I am actually interested in that, though. That seems like every single time you ever write a road movie, there's got to be a scene where people pull over the car. Name a movie of recent time that doesn't have a gun in it. Yeah, that's true. That's what drives me crazy, so many guns. Because you have an issue with weapons and weaponry. I do? No, I'm just saying...

Why do so many American movies have to have guns in them? Well, a lot of people would say that danger raises the stakes in a movie. I know you're nodding your head no, but it's true. No, like what movies? The Social Network didn't have a gun.

Oh, wait, did it? It may have. It may have. I don't know. Oh, there was that scene where Zuckerberg bursts into the Facebook offices with that AK-47 and just starts blowing people. Maybe that's why I liked it so much. Yeah, no, that's true. I saw The Town the other night, which I really liked. I enjoyed that movie. That's a crime movie, though. I know, I know. You have to have guns in that. It started me thinking, like, it's a recurring thing with me. There's so many guns in movies. Yeah.

There's so many guns. In the movies I see, it's frustrating. What's your favorite genre? Prison movies. Gun movies. Prison, but it is prison movies where there's probably guns. Is it really? Yeah. What do you like about those? I like forced settings in movies. I love escape. Have you seen the trailer for that new...

Prison Escape movie where, oh fuck, I'm blanking on it, but the guy's wife is put into prison and he breaks her out of prison. That would be right up your alley. God, I can't remember what it is. Not Conviction, that movie. No, no, no, it's coming out. Oh, so it's Conviction. This is like a big Hollywood movie where... Who's in it? That's what I'm blanking on.

Oh, Elizabeth Banks. She's the wife in it, and she gets put away for a crime she didn't commit. Was she Robba Banks? She robbed a lot of her last name. Pretty good joke. Not bad. I mean, on the scale of things, you know? Really, in the scheme of history, it's not so bad. I get frustrated by guns in movies. Yeah. And yet you like breaking out of prison movies. Do you like it in those breaking out of prison movies where they make a gun out of soap and they cover it with shoe polish?

That was in Alcatraz. Wasn't it? That's okay with you? Yeah. That doesn't violate your gun? Soap guns. It's not a real gun. What if there was a gun that actually shot out soap bubbles? Would you like that? As long as there weren't too many movies about it. So needless to say in due date, getting back to that. And there's a lot of guns in that. Are there guns in it? Yeah. Always guns.

Do you feel like you're contributing to society when you... Oh, stop making that face at me. Do I think I'm contributing to society? No, do you ever think about, like, hey, I don't want to star in a movie like this because I don't like the message it sends out or I don't like the themes explored in it? Do you ever think about that kind of stuff? I know that in other... I've turned things down because of things like that. Mm-hmm.

I know in other aspects of your career you've done that too. We've talked about that a little. Off mic. Yeah. But that's something that is like, we've talked about like, I don't want that to be a sponsor of something that we work on because I don't believe in it. Right. So that's, I mean, you're a guy with a conscience who... Yeah, but a movie that you're acting in, you don't have a lot of control. I mean, you just show up and vomit your lines out.

I mean, I'm not the boss. I'm in a deep protest right now with the movie I'm working on. Really? Up in arms about something, but I can't get the guys. I'm not making any leeway. Really? Is that the... I know you're filming the... The...

It has something to do with the movie I'm working on. Yeah. Yeah. Tell you about it later. Okay. I'd love to hear about it. It's very frustrating. For 25 years, Mike's has been making lemonade the hard way. Mike's Hard Lemonade. Hard days deserve a hard lemonade. Mike's is hard. So is prison. Don't drive drunk. Premium all beverage with flavors. All registered trademarks used under license by Mike's Hard Lemonade Company, Chicago, Illinois.

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By the way, I say, oh, hello. Hello, Scottrick. How do you do, old boy? As I live and breathe, I never expected this. You do both and you did not. Just walking into the studio here is a friend of the show. Yes, dear friend. Dear friend of the show.

Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yes, hello, Scottrick. How do you do? Scott, but... I barely could get in here. I couldn't get through the thicket of Reggie Watts' hair.

It's very difficult. It's quite a tough job. It's like being in the belly jungles of some country where there's stuff. You didn't want to say deepest Africa. I suppose I didn't. You just chickened out right there. I sort of knew that I was headed that way. And then I took a sharp turn. Zach, let me explain what's going on. Oh, no, I know what's going on. Zachariah Gallifantino!

Andy. Hello, dear boy. How do you do? So you guys have met before? We used to work the bards together. Indeed. We've trod the bards. I think that's trod the boards, so I'm not sure what you guys are doing with bards. I tried. I courted Zachary for a long time, for the longest time, to be my sequel to Cats. Cats is... Deli. I had to have... That is where we quarreled. Zachary wanted it to be about the delicatessen.

I want it to be about a whole new bunch of cats. I had to have his whiskers, don't you see? And where did you land on this? You just couldn't compromise? I think we just walked away. Creative differences. Did you walk away agreeing to disagree? Did you still have respect for each other? No, I think literally we got tired of talking and walked away.

Yes. We talked for a very long time. And what was your idea of the project? Like, what did you want to achieve with it? Well, we were at Katz's Deli when he said I want to do a sequel to Katz's. So it's confusing right off the bat. Yes. We talked round and round for quite a while. He kept talking about

the animal cats, and I was confused. Then he wrote down the spelling of the cats that he's talking about. Remember that, Andrew? I do, but I was using the Queen's English, don't you know, and it was indecipherable to this collodial friend of mine. Really? So your writing has a different font if you're from England? There are many extra Ys and Es and curlicues. Like shoppy? Exactly. How did you learn that word?

Is that a secret? You're a clever fellow. Well, ALW, it's fantastic to see you. I haven't been on the program for quite a long time. A very long time, one might say. It's been many a moon since the last time I graced the Earl Wolf Studios. Is this ghost form? No, it's me. You can poke me. Okay. You are like the Apostle Thomas who doubted the appearance of our Lord.

Right. Go ahead and poke him, Zach. No, it's okay. No, go ahead. We're fine. Stick your fingers in my wounds, as it were. I like how you actually waved him off like, you don't actually have to do it. No, I was giving him permission. Oh, I see. It was more like... Different gestures. It was more like... I allow you to do it. Oh, okay. I see. It means something different. I wave hello to the idea of you poking me.

So, last time you were on, I'm trying to remember exactly what happened. It's been quite a while. I know. You had some sort of a scheme going on, as I recall. Let's say that I did. Why don't we just say you didn't and wait, let's not, never mind. Are you proposing a bargain wherein we do not do something, but we tell others that in fact we did do that deed?

I guess I never really thought about that bargain of just how much lying there is inherent in it. You went into a compact? It would be like unraveling a bowl of yarn. Yes, a bowl. What if you kept your yarn in bowls? Would it be a ball of yarn in a bowl? No, I think it would actually just be you'd undo it from the ball and then just plop it right into a bowl. It seems like not very efficient. What if you had a bowl full of bowl weevils?

Oh, my God. Or any other kind of weevil. Oh, that's frightening. Why do boll weevils get all the press? That's true. Zach? You're from the South, the American South? That's right. Tell me everything you know about boll weevils. I'm not even sure what it is. What is that? It's an insect. It's a bally frightening insect. Oh, it's the deuced enemy of cotton. It hates the cotton plant. And it shows its displeasure by eating it.

It doesn't do it for sustenance. No! Because it doesn't like it very much. It doesn't like it! Ha ha ha.

It's like a great white shark who discovers you're not a seal after all. And then he feels you've tricked him. So he tears your arms off even though he finds the taste disgusting. I bet it's a lot like McGruff, too, in crime. The crime dog! Yes, he's just taking a bite out of it out of disgust. The anthropomorphic bloodhound who wears a London fog trenching coat. Trenching coat.

Yes, that's what it's for. Right, okay. When you go a-trenching with your mates. This also reminds me very much of the...

theater guy in With Nell and I. Oh, yeah. We just saw that movie a few months ago. Yes. That was not in a radio context. Oh, the dear Richard Griffiths. Ah, yes. Gone too soon. I'm assuming he will be dead by the time this is over. Oh, no, no. He's very fat. Oh, yeah. Morbidly obese. Yes, he's morbid. He needs to get on the elliptical. But he does remind me of Andrew Lloyd Webber a little bit. This particular one. I

before, but I take it as a compliment. You should. I do? You should. You may poke me. Go ahead and poke him. No, he'll wave me off, which will be confusing. There we go. That was really nice. Tis real. Tis real. He extended a hand of pokeness. You

ALW, catch us up. Last time we saw each other in a radio context, we talked about something that neither of us remember. I was creating a new musical. Oh, yes. It didn't work out right. I don't remember what the subject of the musical was. Neither do I. Let's get on... It mustn't have been very important, I suppose. Let's get on Earwolf.com and figure out exactly... Oh, a little plug. I see how you did that. I snuck one in. Oh, you're very clever. I'm a naughty boy.

But since then, catch us up on what's going on. I mean, as Marvin Gaye said. Well, you're asking me what's going on? What's going on? I will tell you, in addition to the fact that there will be some sweet sounds going down on the night shift. Thank you, the Commodores.

For that and so many more things. Maybe one other brick house. The end. No. What? What do you got? Easy Like Sunday Morning? Easy Like Sunday Morning. I forgot that was the Commodore. Not Lionel Richie's solo. I associate it with Lionel Richie's solo career. It's included on a lot of his best ofs. He eclipsed that band. He really did. Lionel Richie. He shot up like a shooting star shoots. He did like a long-faced shooting star shoots.

Like a horse-nosed... You know I own the sculpture of him from the Hello video. Do you? Yes. That's what a dame sir Andrew Lloyd Webber buys. Oh, yes. With his phantom money. I put it inside a suit of armor. Really? So I will delight my guests by lifting up the visor on the helm. And hello, it's a clay bust of Lionel Richie made by a blind person. Bet you didn't see that coming is what I say every single time. Settle it.

Settle a bet with me. Pun intended. Is that made out of chocolate, do you think? Oh. I mean, you know. Oh. Like, it looks to me in the video like it's made out of chocolate. In a way, it's made out of baker's chocolate. So don't take a bite out of my Lionel Richie sculpture. You'll find it not to your liking. Wow.

Wow. So what other possessions have you bought over the years? I didn't realize that you were a collector of memorabilia. Oh, I have a stone hinge that I bought. Really? One of the actual stones from it or one of the stone hinges? A stone hinge. They used to be all over the place. Right. Oh, my God. The country was lousy with them.

You couldn't walk two kilometers without tripping over a stonehenge. Kilometers is the equivalent of an American mile, we should say. No, it's a foot. You've never been able to understand. A kilometer equals one foot. Really? Yes, the length of a human foot. Really? A man's foot. A man's? Women's feet were not included in measurements until very recently.

Welcome to the 20th century. So what other, do you have like famous baseballs or famous newspapers? I have two famous baseballs, yes. Really? Yes. But I thought that- That's curious that you asked. Yes, I have two famous baseballs. Which ones? Robert. Do you know Robert the Baseball? Yes.

They do. Yes, the baseball that came to life. Yeah, I remember that. Well, he's passed on. Oh. But I have his remains. From the 1950s. Yes, now he's just a regular baseball. Yeah, I remember pitchers used to throw him and he would scream just ever so loudly. Yeah.

And he would say, don't hit me, don't hit me. But they'd hit him every single time. Every single time because he was so slow. Indeed. Yeah. And what's the other famous baseball? Follow up. What's the other famous baseball? The other famous baseball is the one that came to us from outer space.

Do you remember when that happened? Yeah, it just dropped down in the center of New Mexico, as I recall, and made a big crater. That was 1977, I think it was. Yes, signed by the famous baseball player Babe Ruthbot X-14 from the future. That's right.

He hit it so hard that it traveled back in time and landed in 1977. And that's how we know that baseball will still be popular in the future is we have concrete evidence. Yes. He was trying to hit a dinosaur, but he missed. Speaking of, was he trying to hit a triceratops? Yes. That's probably why. They didn't exist. So he missed. The ball found its way into the 20th century. Zach, any questions? What do you do in your spare time? I mostly, I stare. I just stare.

At the wall. Do you think about something while you stare or are you thinking about what you're staring at? I picture myself staring. So I will pick a wall in my mansion and I will position myself in such a way that I am looking at the wall. Seems like you would face it. Oh, yes. I guess that's a simpler way of saying what I was saying. Thank you. We have all these words at our disposal. I like to use them. Sure. And then I will picture myself staring at that wall.

Oh, also I make stained glass. I probably should have mentioned that one first. That seems a little more interesting. Yeah. Of pictures of something or just... Pictures of me staring at a wall. Really? Over and over again. I've got a mental problem. I'd surmise that from some of your previous appearances, but it's nice to get confirmation straight from the horse's mouth. I feel as if that's insult after the fact.

Now, tell us about why you're here. I know... Let me tell you about why I'm here. Is that what you were just asking me? I do apologize. Yeah, no problem. Yes, well, I'm embarking on a new project. This is a brand new venture for me. I've never attempted...

We love when you come to us with projects because they're always so interesting. They're multifaceted. You're a guy who is a dreamer, I would say. You're a guy who has a lot of ideas. You know, I do my work in dreams. Oh, really? Yes, that's how I write my musicals. Really? Is that I go to sleep and then I'm off to the cloud cuckoo land of dreams.

Deep in the arms of Morpheus, that is where I hatch my little plots and plans. Yes, the Sandman.

That is when I come up with all my fanciful notions of adapting a book of poems about cats into a musical that no one will ever question is good. That is an insane idea to have, and yet it, by all accounts, it worked. Let me tell you, would a wakeful person have come up with the idea of a musical about trains featuring the actors on rolling skates? Now that you start to describe all your musicals, you are insane. Yes, it was a ridiculous dream by an insane person.

That I wrote down. I transcribed it. Well, what I love about you is you come in here and you have such great ideas and you have the means with which to pursue them. I'm rich? Yeah. Do you know what I love about you? What's that? Everything. Oh, dame sir. That is so nice of you to say. I think you're a grand fellow.

Yeah, so anyway, everyone be quiet. I'm working on this new project. Zach, shut up for one second. Sorry. It is a new... By the way, I loved you in The Hungover Ones. Is that the name of the film? Oh, good. Surprising that you saw that. It was some classic Zachary Galifianakery, if I may. Right. Thank you. What was your favorite part? Was it the part where he had his penis out and a woman had the penis in her mouth? I loved the female.

male characters in the film. I loved all of them. He writes them well. Yes, I loved the monster and I loved the prostitute. Did I miss any? I think I got them all. So what I'm doing now is...

This is a new area for me. I'm directing my first drama, first non-musical drama. Really? That seems like it would be out of your comfort zone. Yes. You have spoken a mouthful when you said the words you just said that I heard with my ears. You know what? A lot of people like to remain within their comfort zone. Indeed. Indeed.

Because it's comfortable. This is how we stagnate, Scottrick, don't you see? This is how we become just blobs of stupid. One can either progress or regress. One cannot just gress. If you... That is true. Progress or regress. And if you regress, let me show you to the egress. Because I don't want you around here anymore.

I love that bumper sticker. You stagnant pile of pudding. Did you write that bumper sticker? I did ages ago. No one cared for it. Maybe if you cut off the stagnant pile of pudding part and just ended it on the clever. Oh, I think that's the best part. Yeah, maybe you're right. Should I really cut it? I do try to get feedback from other people. It's important. It really is. You can't work in a vacuum. You can't throw out yourself with yessing men. Mm-hmm.

Now, this project I'm working on, on which I'm working, pardon me, is... Egregious. I'm doing an adaptation of what's the play, young man? What did I say it was? Waiting for Godot. Waiting for Godot. Famous play, surrealist play by Samuel Beckett from the 1920s, I believe. I've never directed a non-musical play before. To my knowledge, I've never directed anything.

But I'm going to definitely say I've never directed a non-musical play before. I think you usually get people to do that for you, yes. Yeah, well, who has the time, dear boy? I've got staring to do. And sleeping to achieve. And staining glass. But I'm very excited about this. Take a classic piece, do a revival, and try my hand directing non-musical type of drama. That is fantastic. Well, we will look for that at a future date. Well, I tell you. I tell you. Yes.

I'm just about to. Make sure. I just want to plug it so we properly plug it before we move on. Just look for that play sometime in the future. Sometime in the future. In the next few years, look for Waiting for Godot. Oh, no. It's next week. Oh, really? Yes, it goes up next week. Next week. Look for it. Be sure to check it out. I'm meeting with the actors in less than a week's time.

Six days. Six days time. I'm assuming they know their lines. You might want to check on that before you meet. You might want to shoot them an email. What I like about the theater is the honor system. That's true. And so I wouldn't mind, though, it would help me out if we could maybe run a few lines just to try my hand at the directing aspect of it. Meaning you want Zach and I to actually...

Well, Zach, more than I, certainly I've done my share. Certainly. Absolutely. Well, come on now. You don't have to put it like that necessarily. Any fool could see that. I mean, just because he's a major movie star and I'm... Inexplicably. I don't know if I'm...

You want to come over here? So we have some lines. Shit, it's not Waiting for Godot, is it? What is it? What did I say I was directing? You said you're directing Romeo and Juliet. Oh, that's right. You said you wanted to direct Waiting for Godot, but we couldn't find any lines from it on the computer. I remember that I thought it was. And you just switched it. I hope that those actors don't come with all the Waiting for Godot lines memorized. Part of the honor system, I guess. Indeed it is. And if their act was worth their salt, they'll know both.

That's true. I may call upon them to do lines from one and from the other. Like you play Robio and you play the fellow from Godot. As an actor. You don't know his name? Why should I know? You should know his name. I know the actors by sight. That's all I need to know. I meant the character's name. He's not a real person. Why should I know his name? Am I going to run into him at a party? My apologies. Oh, your name escapes me, fictional person.

Also, the way you came to life escapes me. How did that happen? I think I would have read about it in The Guardian.

All right. So we figured it out. We're doing Romeo and Juliet lines. But we don't want to play one of us play a girl. So why don't we do a scene? That's how they did it back in the day. They did. Yeah, we could do it. But instead, why don't we do the scene between Romeo and Benvolio? Oh, yes. Where Romeo talks to Benvolio about some things that are on his mind. Yeah. It's a perfect description of the scene. Yeah.

It's just two bros chatting. Now, Zach, who do you want to play in this? Because for my money, you're the bigger star, so you should be Romeo. Right. But Benvolio is a flashier part, and you've made your career on supporting roles, so this is quite a quandary for you, I would imagine. I've played Benvolio before. Oh, you have? Really? Yeah, so I'd rather go with Romeo. Okay. Shakespeare in the Park. Mixing it up. Shakespeare in the Park. Good for you, dear boy. Yeah. When did you do Shakespeare in the Park? 2001. What park was this?

Central. Central? Central Park. That's so nice. You didn't know that? No, I didn't know you did that. It's true. There's a tape of it online if you want to see. Oh, really? I'd love to see that tape. Oh, I love online tapes. Audio tape. Listeners, if you're listening to this, stop this episode right now and listen to that tape. Find it online. So you can just Google Central Park 2001. It'll come up. It's the first thing. Probably the first hit.

I look a lot different then, but it is me. Really? In what way do you look different? Just thinner. I'm more svelte. Otherwise, unmistakable. Right.

Welcome back, listeners. No beard. Welcome back, listeners. Welcome back. Hey. Now that you've seen that, I hope everyone enjoyed it. You watched that online audio tape. All right. So you've played Benvolio, so I'm going to play Benvolio. You're going to play Romeo. And what are you going to be doing? I will be directing you. Okay. You will be my puppets on a string. Is there anything we need to know before we start? Or do you just want us to kind of jump in? The lines are meant to be read out loud. Oh, great. Thank you so much. You'll be surprised. That is a great tip. A lot of actors. Do you mind if we just read them out loud?

as we're just reading the lines, right? We're not necessarily acting out the lines. No, you read the lines as you will and I will direct you. Right. So we can just start kind of from zero and hopefully get up to 10 or even 100.

One of those. Dame Sirs. It depends on what scale you're using. If it's a 1 to 10 scale, one would hope to get to 10. If it's a 1 to 100, one would hope to get to 100, I would imagine. I have a secret scale. Yeah. I'll let you know when you've hit the highest mark. Okay. All right. So this is- So far you haven't. Oh. Romeo and Juliet. Romeo talks to Benvolio about some things that are on his mind. That's right. And Romeo enters. Can I go forward? I'm going to stop you there. Yep. Sorry. Sorry.

Could you draw out the lines? Just say them more slowly. Yes. Okay. And action. Can I go forward? A little. I'm going to stop you. I'm looking for not to give you a line reading. No, I don't. Why would I interpret it that way? Draw them out even farther. To a degree where you think, well, surely he doesn't mean like this. Okay. But yes. That's good direction. Direction. Thank you. And action.

I go forward when my heart is here. That was good, except for the very last part. You sort of stopped drawing the lines out. I can tell you the pressure. It just seems so absurd that I... Does it? Yeah. What's absurd about it? You can't understand what I'm saying.

Well, I think I disagree. It sounds perfectly normal to me. All right. I'll go. I'll do the second line. Well, let's give Scott a try. I'm not done with my line yet. I'm going to be... Well, who cares? I'm going to be directing more than one actor after all. All right. So you want me to... Yes, when you're done texting, if you could just... Yeah.

Get back to hosting the show. I have to text people in the middle of the show. Life goes on. No, of course you do. You know, if this were a TV show, then maybe I couldn't get away with it. It's a free download. I mean, people can't expect utmost professionalism at every turn. Good point. You really make your money on the T-shirts. Yeah.

And we're making money hand over fist here at Earwolf. All right, so... Stop taking so many pictures of people. I'm sure you give them all a free one. Do you sell T-shirts? We do. As a matter of fact, I have one for you. It's a good T-shirt. Are you going to buy it? No, I have one for you for free. We'll take a picture. That's all. All I ask is for a picture. Oh, with me with the shirt on? Mm-hmm. Okay. We have a deal. Sounds like a deal breaker.

All right, so... Take a stab at any line. Any line, okay. I have one of Benvolio right here in front of me, and what I think I'll do is I'll just start and I'll just say it. Oh, serendipity. All right, here we go. Romeo, my cousin Romeo. No, stop. Okay.

This is going to seem strange. I'm going to give you the same direction I gave Zachariah. I need you to draw out the lines. This is a style that you particularly like. Well, yes, yes. It just sounds right to my ear. Okay. If you would draw the lines out. All right, all right. So the line being Romeo, my cousin Romeo, and I'll just draw out the lines. Yes, please. Yes, as I said. Romeo!

Romeo. May I give you a line reading? Would that offend your sensibility? No, I'm not that kind of actor. Anything that helps me, I would love to hear. If you would just do something along the lines of this. Give me the line as it is written. Romeo, My Cousin Romeo. Yes, please.

Something like this, I think, would sound, it would make more sense if people heard it like this. Romeo, my cousin, Romeo. Just say it like that. I will, but I do want to ask you one question. Yes. That seems more like singing. What's this now?

You say you've never directed a non-musical, but it seems to me... I did say that! I am not under oath, but I would gladly put my hand on a stack of your American Bibles! Are the Bibles different in the UK? Of course they are! The curlicues! Oh, also the English Bible! Everything takes place in Britain! Oh, wow.

And are the morals different or some of the parables? Britain is best. That's sort of the end of every story in the Bible. Britain is best. Keep your chin up. Indeed. Keep calm. Carry on. That's what we said to our Lord on the cross. So, but what I'm trying to say... At Covent Gardens. What I'm trying to say, Dame Sir ALW, is that it seems to me like you're trying to turn this into a musical, which is a style that you are more comfortable with and maybe deep in your heart you are trying to...

regress back into what's more comfortable for you. You're right. I am not progressing. I am regressing. Might I ask you to... A standard pudding. Might I ask you to head right over there to that egress? You're within your rights to do so by the rules I have established. By the power vested in you? By the compact of this podcast.

I am forced to do as you say. That's right. A lot of people don't know, but any time you're invited into this studio, you have to obey my every command. That's true. But the only way to get rid of me is to force me to say my own name backwards, which you'll never do. I've been trying to do that for so long. You'll never do it. By the way, what is your name backwards? No, it's... You almost had me, Skulltrick. Boy, Scott. Well, this is embarrassing because I'm...

I guess I'm just not cut out for this straight play business. And I had made a bet with Sir Richard Branson. Sir Richard Branson? Yes. The Virgin America? Yes. Virgin America, Virgin Atlantic. What other virgins? Virgin Galaxy with that ballet space shuttle of his. Have you been on that? How many times? How many times have you been on it? Twice. Not made back. Where'd you go?

We went to the moon! We went to the bloody moon! How was it, old boy? It was nice. I sort of strived the moon in the sea of tranquility looking down on the earth. I felt like Uatu the Watcher. A lot of people forget their space helmet when they go to the moon. They can't get out of the spaceship. Ten people have done it. Yeah. You've got to always remember your space helmet when you're going to the moon.

Because you can't turn around and go back and pick it back up, you know? It's like a wasted trip to the moon. True words were never spoken. You say you made a bet with Richard Branson. What kind of bet? Well, it was a gentleman's bet, don't you know? And now I owe him the sum of one heypenny. That is quite a gentlemanly bet. I haven't got a heypenny. Well... A penny would maybe do. I haven't got a penny. Well, then a heypenny would do. I haven't got a heypenny. Well, God bless you. That took long enough.

Let's stretch out some of those words. Should we read another line? No, I think what Dame Sir ALW is trying to say is that he is not cut out for this. No, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as I am afraid. Well, what do you think you're going to do now? I don't know. Does your phone say? I'm looking at the notes for this interview, and I suddenly found out there was nothing left. We've...

We've hit a conversational cul-de-sac. I was looking down at these notes like they could help me in some way, but no. I think we ought to throw it in reverse and back on out of here. We exhausted everybody. Look over your shoulder. Oh, hello. Don't run over a trash can or a football. American football. Soccer ball. Zach, anything to add to Dame Sir ALW? Ugh.

Oh, Zach, I thought of a, I heard through Reggie's hair, I heard you talking about motion pictures with guns. Have you seen Legend of the Guardians, The Owls of G'huul? I didn't know that was how it was pronounced. Is there not a gun? How else would it be pronounced? G'huul, maybe? Will you say the whole title again? Legends of the Guardians, The Owls of G'huul.

That kind of sounds like another movie. Just say the title one more time. Legend of the Guardians. Right. The Owls of... Gahoo! I have not seen that. Why do you bring it up? There's no guns in that. There's only two guns. One with which they shoot every owl, and then one extra in case they didn't get every owl, but fortunately they got every owl. That's right. One owl goes on a genocidal rampage.

He shoots all the other owls in the faces. But the good part of it is he saves one bullet for himself, so he doesn't have to use the other gun. Yes, he kills himself. Basically, it's a movie about an owl massacre and then an owl suicide. The last shot of the movie, he turns the gun on himself, and you just see the screen splattered with blood and feathers. That's right. Yeah. It's really horrible. Yeah.

Then a raccoon walks into frame, cradles the dead, suicidal, murderous owl in his hands, looks at the audience as if to say, What now? What hath owls wrought? What now, earth?

And then that rat from the end of The Departed walks in. That's right. Yeah. And the whole audience goes, ah, I get it. The words come up on the screen. Audience, colon, ah, I get it. The more savvy moviegoers know that line. One is to repeat it back, yes. It's much like the Sound of Music sing-along edition. Oh, what a wonderful invention that is, those sing-alongs, those jukebox musicals. Are you ever going to do one for one of your musicals? No.

That's how they were all intended. Every single one of them. Most of your musicals have been made into unsuccessful movies. Well, yes, that's true. I should have made the movies first and then told the audience they were to sing along. Many of the time I'd be pacing backstage during a playing of Phantom, waiting for the audience to start singing along, and they never did. Because I realized I'd forgotten to tell them. I should have put it in the program.

Oh, and be sure to sing along with these songs you've never heard before. Just humming Rutabaga is even fine. Yes, or peas and carrots. Yes, sure. Whichever you choose. Whatever your particular acting style is. Whatever floats your boat. Ah, the proverbial dinghy. Zach? What is a gahoon? Gahoon. That's ridiculous. It's gahool.

What is it that you speak of? That's where they're from. Oh. They are the owls of Gahoo. Oh, okay. Do you like animated movies like that, Zach? No. I know you're going to be in one. You're going to be in, you're playing Humpty Dumpty in Puss in Boots. Now, I didn't realize that you like- I beg your pardon. Isn't it Puss in Boots? Isn't it the remarkable thing that he's a cat wearing boots? No, it's Puss and Boots. Don't you tell me about legendary cats. That's right. We don't want to- What are some of the cats that you like? Oh, I like all sorts.

Like all sorts of cats. Like what? I love jellicle cats. Oh, sure. I love hep cats. I love stray cats. Oh, right. I love Halloween sexiest. I love lasagna eaters. Yes. I love the bull. Monday haters? They're also the lasagna eaters. Oh, that's right. Now, Zach, you're playing Humpty Dumpty, but I didn't realize that you liked egg rolls.

Is that a joke you came up with? Yes, it is. I gave it to you. What was the context of it? That was the exact context. Oh, that was the egg rolls. You're playing Humpty Dumpty, yeah. That likes egg rolls, right. Yeah. I forgot to...

suggest that to the writer yeah you uh feel free to use that but uh sharp-eared listeners of this show will realize where it came from you'll say you're layering the character yeah he yeah he's the this is not your granddaddy's humpty dumpty right this one likes egg rolls should i say that whole thing i think you should aloud okay i'll say the whole thing say it now okay

Uh, this isn't your grandfather's Humpty Dumpty. This ain't. This ain't your grandfather's. Why should anyone take you at your word? You must use the urgency. But I don't know the context in which I would say it, Lloyd. You're getting awfully familiar with him. Well, no, no, no. He's called me that for years. Oh, that's true. I forgot that you work together. Lloyd for short. Indeed. Only guy that calls him Lloyd. It's true. You're a lot like Jeremy Piven in Entourage. Screaming out Lloyd.

Can he sing Jeremy Piven? Yes. Sing Jeremy Piven for us, please. Yes, I was asking you. Can Zach sing Jeremy Piven? Go ahead. I'd love to hear that. I think you misunderstood the- I'd love to hear it. No, no. I'll do it. I'll do it. Zach won't do it. Let's not do it. Let me ask a question. Yes. Can he sing Jeremy Piven? Can he sing-

Yes, I think Scott can. Here we go. Ready? Me, me, me, me, me, me. Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven. To you. At Biddy Ball. Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven. On Channel 4.

All right. Let's take a break. Let's hear another song. Don't you mean end? No, we have so much more. Jesus. We have another song from Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven? Jesus Christ. Another one. All right. Here we go. Ready? Jeremy Piven. Okay. This is Save Yourself. More Dylan Campbell. Comedy Death Ray. Looking at you, you're looking at me. Devils in the details, I won't set you free.

Lookin' at me, I'm lookin' at you Wonder what I am gonna do Take my hand and I'll take yours I'm gonna lead you so far off course Take your hands and I'll take mine With my favorite number, Mama 69, you better learn To save yourself From runnin' around town Saving everyone else Like a Pentecostal preacher up in a tree Everyone but you and me You better learn

To save yourself Human soul lives behind the eyes Everything that was born was meant to die Stay with me and I will keep you alive Least to the age of 35 We live fast and we live free Live in the desert, we die in the seas All my loves, they let me be But I keep them here Inside of me and you better learn To save yourself

Running around town saving everyone else Like a Pentecostal preacher won't let you be Play the bird and I'll be the bee You better learn to save yourself Running around town saving everyone else Like a Pentecostal preacher up in a tree Bleeding baby screaming let me be You better learn to save yourself

Bravo! Bravo! Yes. Dylan Campbell, Dame Sir ALW, heartily endorses that one. I do. I don't usually like to see musicians and singers being the same person. I don't care for it. In a more civilized era, people split up those duties. People knew their place. Yes. There's a system, a class system. A caste system, as a matter of fact. Oh, if only. Oh, if only we had untouchables in Britain. Ah. Ah.

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman again. This recording sesh went so long that we ended up splitting it in half and releasing it as two episodes back in 2010. So we're going to be re-releasing part two next week as the second part of The Essential Andrew Lloyd Webber. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Come and see my crime. Let me get that. Here I go.

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