We Read the Wildest Confessions and Regret it | Trash Taste #240
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- Welcome brothers and sisters to another episode of the Trash Taste podcast. I'm brother Joey and I'm joined by my other two brothers, brother Garnt and brother Connie. - Sorry audio listeners, you can't see that we're wearing amazing outfits right now. - Yes. As Kevin would say, it is biblical. This is going to be the most biblical episode of Trash Taste you have seen so far because we are going to be judging.

- Some of the worst confessions on the internet. - Yep, so our team has gone onto the holy ground also known as r/confessions. - Oh, nice, nice, nice. - And has picked out some insane confessions for us to judge and talk about. - Okay, and whether they deserve forgiveness. - Yes. - Yes. - Or are they going to be burning in hell for that one?

- Right, right, right. - Yeah, so right now, so for this episode, we're gonna be doing it on r/confessions, but over on the Patreon that you can go watch after this right now, we actually asked you guys on the Patreon to submit your confessions and we'll be reading those out and judging them over there. So you wanna check that out, patreon.com/trashtaste. Check it out, link's in the description. - Well, brother Joey, should we start? - Yes. - Yes, what is the first confession? - All right, so this one here.

from hostile carrot who says I added Tabasco to Wendy's chili and used it to get second place in a chili cook-off face title basically says it all this wasn't a professional organized competition there was some BMX event with a couple hundred people and they always have a chili cook-off I'm not much for cooking so I thought it'd be funny to throw a bunch of Wendy's chili in a crock pot and see if anyone noticed they didn't I

I've been a vegetarian for roughly 12 years. So this was a long time ago. Honestly, based. - I mean, I feel like how bad was the rest of the chili? - Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you couldn't, I mean- - Also it's a confession that everyone was cooking mid chili. - Yeah. I mean, look, I've never cooked. Have you guys cooked chili before? - Yes. - Is it easy? - Yes.

That's all I needed to know. - Okay, look, making a good chili is hard, but making a chili is easy. - Making a chili, just put the fucking packet in and add some of your own spices. - Well, that's the question, right? - That's it, a bunch of meat. - Is it the fact that, it could go two ways. Is it the fact that the rest of the chilies in this competition were just dog water or is Wendy's chili just that good? - Wendy's chili is pretty good. - It's pretty good. - I've never had Wendy's chilies before.

- The chili fries at Wendy's is actually fire. - You call it Wendy's chilies. What the fuck is that? - I don't know. - Welcome to Wendy's chilies. - Wendy's chilies. - The first comment. - First comment, surprise. First place was just Wendy's chili, no Tabasco.

- Damn. So Wendy's Chili's just golden. - Maybe that's, yeah, maybe that just means Wendy's Chili's is just, I can't stop calling it Wendy's Chili's now. - It's called chili. - Wendy's Chili. - It's not hot. - Wendy's Chili is just that good. - I don't think this is a bad confession. It's just- - It's pretty harmless, let's be real. - Like if you,

- Look, there's no, it's not like life or death or the Olympics here, we're talking about a local cook-off that was in a BMX fucking event. - Yeah, also what's the connection between the BMX competition and a chili cook-off? - That's what I wanna know. - To be fair, if I had just shredded some BMXs, I'd love a good bowl of chili. - That is true. - 'Cause you eat some chili with some chips and some...

- I mean, is this any worse than having a cook-off on let's say hypothetically, a Trash Taste Special and hypothetically speaking, just having the chef

cook the dish for you. - Yeah, right? - Brother Joey? - That hypothetical sounds very familiar. - Yes, right? - I wonder. - Brother Joey, do you have something you wanna share with us? - Is there something you wanna share with us? - Also I saw here, someone asked, did you win anything for second place? And the OP said, top three got a trophy and the winner got some cash.

- Okay, so. - But did they get any cash? - No, well, they got second place. - Well, if they'd gotten first, would it have been immoral to take the cash? Or would it have been a big brain alpha play? - I'd say that's just a hustler's move. - I mean, the trip to Wendy's paid for itself at that point. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. You basically just got a free meal. - You have to have your chili be better than Wendy's. - I also love this comment. It says, "I like how murder has been confessed on this sub, but things like this are the most real shit."

- That's so true. - All right. - For me, brothers, I would say this doesn't deserve a spot in hell. I think this is quite harmless. - Forgiveness is given. - Pretty funny. He's working hard. - I would argue this isn't even a sin. - Yeah. - Yes. - Boys hustling. - Yeah, boys hustling. And that just means whoever he's going up against, they need to get their chili game up. If they can't even beat Wendy's. - All right, what's the next one?

- Cop pulled me over and I called 911 and lied to get out of going to jail.

- Holy shit. - What? - Okay, okay, okay. That's quite a start. - All right, this is a long one. - Tell us about the story, bro. - All right. When I was 19, I was running late to work in my tiny POS- - Piece of shit. - Okay, POS. - POS. - Piece of shit economy car and on fumes of gas, I didn't come to a complete stop on the right turn. - Okay.

Lights behind me, so I pull over. I know I've barely got any gas and all I... I know I've got any... - Ken, brother Garnt reads. - I'm struggling right now. - Would you like me to read it, Garnt? - Sorry. I know I've got any gas at all and I was almost to the gas station, hence why I rolled through the stop. - Fuck. You fucking read it.

- Can I get a coffee please? I need to wake the fuck up. - I know I've got barely any gas at all and I was almost to a gas station. Hence why I rolled through the stop a little, trying not to have the car die. At the time around 1995, fucking hell, we were having flashbacks.

At the time around 1995, a new digital phone had come out called Voice Steam, now T-Mobile. And their whole big thing was the phones were digital and not cellular. They were the first phones with caller ID. And one of the big things the sailman had said over and over since it was digital, the signal couldn't be triangulated or traced. - Oh shit. - Not that I cared, but it stuck in my mind. Well, as I give the cop my license, registration and insurance card, I got an idea.

I knew if I was late to work, I was gonna lose my job. - Okay. - They were super strict there. So I get the idea and right after I hand the papers to the cop and he's walking back to his lap cruiser, I call 911 and tell the operator I just saw the car.

"I just saw a guy with what looked like a shotgun "walk into a 7-Eleven that was about two blocks away. "I confirmed the address that I hung up. "About 30 seconds later, the cop comes springs to my car, "hands me all the stuff and rushes over and says, "'Come to a complete stop next time,' "then peels off to the direction of the store. "Pushed my car to the gas station "that I'd almost made it to "and felt pretty pleased with my ingenuity. "I was an idiot and I confess."

Also he did a little edit after the fact. Whoa, this blew up and I forgot to mention that I would have gotten arrested, booked and released because I was driving with a suspended license for unpaid traffic tickets. And I had a bench warrant for it because I'm an idiot. So it wouldn't have been just a few minutes late to work. The job was a physically high turnover one that didn't tolerate much. Thank you to the kind souls for giving me these medals. Okay.

- I mean, Jesus Christ. - I mean, look. - Okay, so you definitely broke a law there. - Yeah. - How many? - Multiple laws. - But look, the laws were made after the Bible. It's not about laws, it's the integrity of the character and his decisions. And we have to think about Matthew 17.

I don't know what it says, but probably it says something about don't fucking call on a fake shotgun. - That's pretty bad, right? - That's pretty awful. - Okay, okay. But you know, there are some confessions that are obviously pretty awful, but you got to, you always got to balance that with just the, how can I phrase this? Just like the, you know what?

- Kind of respect it. - No, no, no. The problem is that this is a very dangerous gamble. - It is. - It's a very dangerous gamble and it worked out from in this scenario. You'd have to imagine if this didn't work out, you'd have a lot of explaining to do.

- Even more, I don't know, you'd have like three crimes tacked on to your already crimes. This is such a stupid thing to do. - Yeah, because there was also the chance that that cop that pulled this guy over could have just been like, "Oh yeah, there's backup going right now." - Yeah, what if he'd gone into the 7-Eleven, drew his gun and the guy was holding like a two liter Pepsi. He probably felt like, "That's a gun."

- I was shooting him, you know? Like, you know, this could have been- - It would have been really bad. - Yeah, you're going to hell. - Yeah, yeah. - You'll go to hell for this one. - Especially in America for this one. - You're lucky nothing came, like nothing worse came out of this. - Yeah. - Because it could have been very, very bad. - Yeah. - That's insane. - Honestly, that is an insane story. What are some of like the top comments on this?

- This is like an always sunny plot. - It is. - And then this goes horribly wrong for them. As it should have probably gone horribly wrong for you. - The top comment is, "I once got out of the ticket "because the cop got called to another scene. "Not my doing, but I was sure thankful.

- Shit, this is, is reading this confession just giving people more ideas now? - It's like, oh yeah, that's a great idea. Let me do that. - It's like, well, hold on a second. I could just report a bigger faker, a faker bigger crime going on in the internet. - This person points out it could be fake. I think there's also, it could be fake, but at the same time, why would you even admit? - Well, here's the thing though, guys. Has anyone here actually been pulled over before?

- No. - By a cop. - I've not been pulled over. I got, I think I've told this story before. I got fined for jaywalking once.

- What? - I thought that was like, I got fined for J, I got fined $45 for jaywalking. - I thought that was an urban legend that people got fined for doing that. - No, I got fined for jaywalking once in the city. Like it was like the yellow, like the green light, the green walking man was flashing, right? And I was like, well, there's no cars on the road 'cause it's like still early in the morning. And I just like, you know, there were already a couple of people like sprinting across the road to get across and I'm like, shit, I'm gonna be late for uni.

I sprint across, there's a cop standing at the corner and he's like, wait, pulls me over. And he's like, you just jaywalked. And I'm like,

- Yeah, so did like six other people. You saw the whole thing and he was like, "I don't care, but you jaywalked." And then he fucking fined me $45. - What a bastard. - And I was like a broke college student and I was late for class. - What a bastard. - But no, I've had that happen to me, but I've never been pulled over in my car. I'm a safe driver. - Yes, same here. - Not a safe walker though. - Not a safe walker. - Apparently. - You're a fucking liability on the road. - I know, what the fuck?

- Look, I mean, this is, if it's true or if it's not true, it's bad. - Yes. - Yeah. - I think no one would agree that you did the right thing here. You should have, you know. - Even if this was fake, it's giving other people in the South an idea. Which you should not try. - This is a terrible idea. - Do not do this. - This guy, he already said he had warrants for other shit. - Yeah, you're not suspended. - This is like, this is, you know, categorically awful. - Yeah. - But it was smart.

but it was still awful. - I mean, he kind of outplayed him. - I mean, he kind of outplayed him in the worst possible way by taking advantage of- - Potentially an innocent person. - Yes, yes, yes. This is a villain story. Like this is a villain's origin story right here. - Yeah. - Yes. - I noticed this subreddit has tags sometimes for these. Bad behavior, false post accusation. - Oh. - Interesting. So this is another confession of you.

Brothers would allow me to hear out a six-year-old confession. The title is, I gave a lactose intolerant customer dairy on purpose.

- I love this already. - Let us hear our brother out. - Yeah. - I know this sounds weird, but when I worked at Starbucks, there was a regular customer that was very difficult and rude. I was warned of this customer on my first day of training. She came in every morning and would try to rush the workers on doing their job and makes other customers feel uncomfortable. - Classic Karen. - Yes. - Three months into working, she came in one morning and caused absolute hell.

She was complaining about her drink while one of our coworkers was making the drink. As soon as she got it, she accidentally spills it and asks for a completely different drink. I was so fed up. She wanted a Frappuccino,

Of course she wanted the fucking Frappuccino. You never hear about someone who wants an Americano. She wanted the Frappuccino. She went to the bathroom while we were making the new order. I switched with my coworker and made the drink. Instead of almond milk, I made the Frappuccino with regular milk. The drink was ready by the time she left to the bathroom. She takes the drink and takes a sip and didn't complain. Five hours later, she calls the Starbucks from the hospital and I was the one who picked up. She got in a car accident trying to rush to the bathroom. She said she shitted her pants.

I couldn't be any more happier that she was safe, but got her karma. - That's so real, dude. - I was worried there for a second when I heard she was rushed to the hospital. I was like, oh! - Did she fucking die? - Oh no, she just shit herself. Okay, thank God. - She got in a car accident trying to- - She got in a car accident because she shit herself.

- Okay, one aspect that I, and then other commenters also pointed out that, why would she call the Starbucks telling them that, "Hey, I shit my pants 'cause of you." - Maybe she was lying in the hospital and she's like, "I don't just like shit my pants on a daily basis." There must've been, she was tracing back to like, when was the exact point where I might've caused me to shit my pants?

And maybe she thought like, oh, it must've been the Starbucks. - Why would she call up me like, you guys made me shit my pants. I would not call them up. Not Batman would- - I got shit in my pants because of you. - Batman is not getting that out of me. - I mean, but like, according to the OP, she was already like being a dick to the Starbucks anyway, right? So she probably had no hesitation to be like, I'm gonna be a dick even more. - Look, in the church, we don't, we don't,

- We don't promote violence. - Wrongdoings do not- - Unless it's absolutely deserved. - Yes. - We do turn the other cheek as- - We should turn the other cheek. - We should turn the other cheek. - Three months of turning the other cheek. - But sometimes,

- Sometimes we've just had enough of turning the other cheek and sometimes karma needs to be delivered. - Sometimes we try to turn the other cheek and the Lord whispers in our ear and says, "No, fuck him." - If the problem is if you are the person admitting to doing this and you consciously choose to do it, it's kinda, it makes you, it's not a good look. 'Cause you know, you're picking and choosing when you wanna,

and take responsibility seriously. - You are bringing justice in your own hands. - Right, right, right. Like, I mean, like what if this person is like a peanut allergy and they were like deathly allergic, you know what I mean? So on that aspect, it's, you know, I think it's to be the person admitting that you did this is not good and you definitely shouldn't do this no matter what. But obviously in a calmer sense,

- We don't empathize with this woman and we are fine with this happening to her. - What's the, okay, peanut allergy, iron and sand. - Lactose intolerant. - Yeah, what's the worst thing that can happen if you're lactose intolerant? - Let's Google and find out. - Let's Google. - I thought you just shit yourself.

'Cause understandably allergies you can die from, but if the worst that you can happen from being lactose intolerant. - But I guess you don't have like a 20 fucking questions when you're like, why do you have almond milk? You just- - People with lactose intolerance are unable to fully digest sugar in milk. As a result, they have diarrhea, gas and bloating.

- Well, if she says that she was lactose intolerant, I guess it's, you know. - Yeah. - But I guess you wouldn't know. - Oh, so, oh. - Life-threatening, anaphylactic. - Oh, it can be immediate, yeah, okay. - Look, I mean, you're not gonna be like, you're not gonna be like, "Hey, so I don't like you, but how bad? How bad am I told, you know?"

- Yeah, it's like how bad is your lack of- - You wouldn't know, so it'd be very tough, but obviously you don't like, she was in the wrong in some senses, but so was he. So I understand we wanna be quick to be like, yeah, she got fucking justice.

- We probably shouldn't be promoting the idea that you can on a whim just fucking ignore people's health concerns. But it is, I think it's completely her fault. - It's karma. - Considering the ending that this got, luckily we got the shitty ending.

which is undoubtedly the most hilarious ending out of all. - She shitted herself as he says. - If karma exists, this is the perfect example of the perfect amount of karma being administered to just being a basically. - You couldn't have said it better than me, brother.

- I can just imagine the fucking, this Starbucks employee, just like a wizard huddling over a cauldron and just like pouring the tiny drop of milk. Just like, "Heh heh heh heh, this'll get 'em." - The universe spoke and they were like, "All right, what's the punishment for this crime?" Shit herself. Okay, that is a fitting punishment for this crime. - Okay, this one here is quite a short one. It's just the title. This is from an uncharted island who just says quite simply,

I just told someone I was too tired from day drinking to hang out, but it's actually because I had eight hot dogs today and I feel like I'm going to die. - Connor, is this your old account? - Did you post this Connor? - This is Connor's old account right here. - Eight hot dogs is quite impressive. - Eight hot dogs. - Our brother knows how to suck a glizzy down. - God damn. - I think it's understandable.

- I'm never normally out of commission though, even though when I'm full, I'm not always down to hang out. So I am wondering how far do you have to go? - I mean, I've lied about not being able to hang out for less, if I'm being honest, than eight hot dogs. Apparently as well, I'm looking at the comments right now, an uncharted island, this OP is a girl.

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So this girl day drank and then sucked down eight glizzies. - I mean, I would be tired, but would I be too tired to hang out? I honestly don't know. I sympathize. I mean, forgiven for sure. - Yes. Yeah, absolutely. - A white lie. The glizzies take precedent. - As an introvert, I would say that this is just, this is just,

except with eight glizzies on top of it. - This story definitely reminds me of the first day when we had our show in Denmark for the Trash Taste Tour and brother Kai had a,

sucked down three glizzies in one day. And he was backstage having heart palpitations. - Oh, they were so good. - I feel that. - He was trying to run the show and we were just like, I can't breathe. - They were so good. - He had the dong in him. - They were so good. - They were so good though.

- I mean, I have nothing to say. - Fair enough. - I have nothing to say aside from just respect. - Absolutely. Let me read another one then, 'cause that was kind of a shorter one. This one is from Pisica, Pisica?

"I run a fake restaurant on the delivery app," is the title of this. - Okay. - Okay. - "I registered a company, bought all the takeaway boxes from Amazon, signed up for a few delivery apps, made a few social media accounts and printed leaflets that I drop in mailboxes. I resell microwave meals. On some meals, I add something to make them look better, like cheese."

- So far it's at around 200 pounds a day in revenue. - Oh my God, it's the UK for fuck sake. - Nobody suspects a thing. Soon someone will come for hygiene inspection, but I'll pass that check without any problems. It's not illegal to operate out of your own kitchen. I don't know about that. Should I feel bad? I feel kind of proud to be fair and free as a bird from the nine to five life. And then she said, "Edith, please stop commenting on the legality of this."

- I'm doing everything by the law. I'm in the UK, so yes, I can work out of my non-commercial kitchen. Yes, I am registered and will pay taxes in January. Yes, I have my certificates and yes, I have insurance.

- I've never heard of a situation like this. - This is a YouTube video, isn't it? I swear there have been some YouTubers. - The shed, the guy made the shed. Yeah, people have done this before. - People have literally done this on YouTube and filmed themselves doing this. - So it's not like doing this. - This is like completely illegal.

- Well, yeah, it's legal in most places. - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah, because as long as you're taking the preparations and have the licenses, yeah, you can do this. - Yeah, damn. - It's just like, why would anyone order? - Yeah, I guess. - But apparently people are making 200 pounds a day in revenue. - I love the sentence of on some meals, I add something to make them look better like cheese.

- I mean, I can 100%, you know, I'm going to say 100% this is not a sin because they are getting away with it in a country that people barely have taste buds. So I am not surprised that she can- - Of course the UK. - Yeah, of course it's the UK. If it's Japan, then I'd be like,

- Oh, something's gone wrong with this man. The UK buying takeaway boxes and selling it on Uber Eats or something.

I 100% believe you can get away with that in the UK. I've had some takeaway boxes before that have tasted worse than fucking the Tesco boxes that I bought at the supermarkets. - I love this comment here that just says, "You kind of just started an actual restaurant." - It's like shit, they're kind of right. - Is this any different from like the ghost kitchens or whatever? - It's a ghost kitchen basically. - It's basically just a ghost kitchen, right?

where all they need to do is just make sure that the marketing is on point. They can just take some fancy fucking photos, pass it off and you got a business. - True. - That just shows- - I wonder if they're still turning a profit to this day. This was five years ago. - Yeah, this was just before COVID. So probably, they probably increased. - Yeah, they probably made a mad bank during COVID. - I mean, if the food's decent,

- Some microwave meals are good. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And the UK used to love the microwave curries. They're so good. - Honestly, it feels microwave curries. - Oh my God. - Put a bit of cheese in that. - Yeah, yeah. - So good. - You know, especially if you're selling to students or whatever as well, some of the prices for takeaway apps nowadays for actual restaurants is ridiculous. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

- It's only in Japan where it's like pretty okay. - Yeah, very reasonably priced. - Quite cheap, yeah. But yeah, I mean, just hustling, I guess. - All right. - This is a different stage of hustling. - What's next, John? Of course you got a long one to read. - Of course. I think I've woken up a little bit, so it should be better. I met my current boyfriend by slipping him my number while he was on a date with someone else and I was their server. - Oof. - Oh.

- So I used to work at Cheesecake Factory as a server. About one and a half years ago, my current boyfriend came in with some other girl for a date. I'm not sure what it is about my boyfriend, but he just does it for me.

- I'm good on you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for telling us that. He's not at all my normal type of guy I'm attracted to, but for some reason he just makes me melt every time I look at him. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. Calm it down, all right. - Keep it in your pants. - He's got this super self-assured smile and something about the way he talks gets me. This is just her sympathy for a boyfriend right now. This is like giving off like Yandere energy right now. I'm not gonna lie.

He's got this little chuckle and he's got this little chuckle he does and he always looks down and bites his lips after he's just like it for me. - This sounds like this is one step away from he smells different when he's awake. - I know right.

- It's kind of creepy. - Is this a mail insults account? - Yeah, right? Fucking hell. - So I immediately rush over to their table. Typically, if I saw a guy I was attracted to, I could give better service because I generally wanted to interact with him and everyone at the table. And that usually leads to nicer tips. - Sure.

- When I started serving them, I couldn't help myself and I was flirting super obviously. So much so that my coworkers were telling me to be careful I didn't get complained on. Damn, okay. - Jesus. - But he flirted back. So I was like a shark who smelled blood in the water. Oh my God. - Oh my gosh, it's psychotic.

I spent so much time talking to him at their table. Other tables I was serving had to call out to me because I'd forgotten about them. - Those are my tables normally. - Far out.

- Honestly, looking back, that was more of a date for me than, that was more of a date for me and him than her and him because we talked about what he did for work, what I studied, what my favorite foods are, what he likes, music. - What the fuck? - I must've been at the table accumulatively for about 40 minutes. - What was the other girl doing? - That's what I'm saying. Jesus Christ. At the,

Okay, here. "At the end of it, she was being very short with me and him, and I kind of figured she complained. So I said, 'Screwed it, screw it.' Scribbled down my number and put it under his cards when I gave it back to him. He texted me that night, and we've basically been dating since. I'm moving in with him on Friday."

It was honestly a very rude and shitty thing to do, but I do it over again in a second. - God damn. - You did not need to tell me you do that again in a second considering literally half of this confession is just being like, - I love my boyfriend. - I love my boyfriend. He just has this smile.

- Yeah, that's, I mean, first of all- - I mean, do you still have a job at the Cheesecake Factory after that? - Nah, she upgraded to an old gardener. - I mean, obviously I feel very sorry for the woman on the table. - Yeah, that's my question. What was the other girl doing? Like, was she just like sitting there or was she like trying to get into the conversation? - You guys feel sorry for the other woman? - Yes. - Kinda. - I feel sorry for the other tables.

- I do feel sorry for the tables. - Brother gone is the man of the people. - Gone, gone. - Yeah, yeah. - But look, I mean, look, worst case scenario, your cheesecake comes fucking 15 minutes later, but she's watching his fucking, her date be like swooned in front of her. - Yeah. - Okay, okay. - That's way worse than having to wait 10 minutes for your goddamn food. - But like, if I'm on a date and your date is clearly flirting with someone else,

- What are you still doing there? - Yeah, just leave. - Why just leave? Say something, get the fuck out. - Okay, I recognize that is what I should do. I know realistically, I would just sit there. I'd be like, you know what? I kind of came for the cheesecake at this point.

- God, imagine getting cocked at the cheesecake factory. - I would just wanna finish my food. - Just give me the damn cheesecake, I'm outta here. - But if he's paying anyway, then maybe you could just storm out and be like, you know what, fuck this. - Yeah. - But if I had set up the date and that happened to me, I'd be like, well shit, I mean, I'm kind of the one, I kinda wanna finish my food.

- I want to hear the story of the other dates. What's her perspective on all this? Seeing this go down. What's her mentality? - So this bitch came across the table and just started talking to my man. - I can't wait for the other confession, which is like, I went on a date at the cheesecake factory and- - I finished two cheesecakes and left. - I think everything about the situation, like this is only a positive perspective from her perspective.

'cause she's the one who gained from it. - Yeah, of course. - Literally, if you look at this from anyone else's perspective, this is just sad. - Yeah, it really is. - With the guys waiting for their food, the other staff have to keep telling you, "Hey, fucking chill out," to the girl who had to just watch this all play out. Like, "Hey, look, I'm happy for you, you found love, but at the same time, why did it come at the expense of everyone else?"

- This is like, and I guess to some extent, this is like the issue I have with some people when they talk about love or whatever, when it's so grandiose that it has to come at the expense of everyone else. Where it's like, dude, we're all just trying to fucking eat our fucking cheesecake.

- You'll find the one, chill the fuck out bro. - Like grandma, how did you meet granddad? - It's like, well, that was this bitch at the cheesecake factory. I took him. - It's like the whole point of like grandiose spectacles of like love. Like, well, my God, we love each other so much that I have to fucking inconvenience everyone else. - Yeah, exactly. - Do you think, okay, okay. - Just don't fucking do that. - How old do you think this person is? - Must've been like 20.

- Yeah, it must've been like early twenties. - 'Cause this is like late teens. - Yeah. - Kinda like story. - You snap your shit out. - 'Cause like I hear this story and my first thing, the first thing I think was, fuck. You know, I don't feel as bad for the other day 'cause you know, at that point I just like fucking walk out. - Yeah, yeah. - At that point I'd be like, okay, I'm just clearly being disrespected here. But I see someone here who is just not doing their job for the people around them.

As someone who used to work in the restaurant industry, waiting tables. - In the church, we cannot neglect our responsibilities. - Exactly. We need to be a man of the people. - We have to work our jobs assigned to us as a man needs to earn his keep. - Let's see.

- Let's see what some of the comments are. - It's sad, isn't it? - Yeah. - I'm not a big fan of this one. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You two, you both deserve each other. Yes. - No, no, no, no, no, no. You're missing the best part of this one. - What? - The rolling eyes emoji. - The rolling eyes emoji. - Oh my God. - Yeah, I would like- - You both sound like kind of lame ass people. - Yeah, the fact that the dude texted her- - You know what's crazy? You know what's crazy? I think I would miss the one if that was the one. If the one had came up to me and they're serving their job, I think I'd be like, "Fuck, you're kind of rude, bro. "You're kind of kind of nice."

- Just on like a moral perspective, I don't think even if the waiter was super hot, I think I'd be like, "Hey man, could you not?"

- Kind of like doing something here. - Yeah. - Don't be fucking rude. - It seems like the comments are not really on their side right now. - Yeah, why would you go out with a guy who accepted a number while out on a date? - Yeah. - I agree, I think there's a lot of character flaws here. - Yeah, that's a red flag. - Yeah, this would turn into like the red flag kind of episode where like, okay, if this is how you meet the person you're with, and also now that I think about it, just like the way she prefaces,

- This entire confession we've just like, - He's so dreamy. - Hello my boyfriend. - He's so dreamy. - I like the way his scrotum folds. - You guys don't understand just the way he smiles. He just gets it. The way he bites his lip. - Insufferable. - The way he mugs at me.

It's like paying for the check. - I wonder, do you know what would be interesting? I wonder if they've ever gone to another date at the Cheesecake Factory after this. - Oh my God, yeah. That's what I wanna ask her. - That would be true karma. - Yeah.

- She's like, "Babe, it's our anniversary. Let's go on a date to the Cheesecake Factory." Same thing happens to her. All right, Brother Connor, read the next one out. - When I was 16, I used to mow the lawn for extra cash. And I realized that if I raised the mower to the highest level, it cut the grass less and allowed me to mow twice as much.

I was mowing three times a week at one stage and my dad just thought he had overly fertile lawn. - That's so smart. - I mean, yeah. - That's actually just fire. - That's a GG. - Fuck, I wish I did that. - That's a GG. I mean, look, this is great to,

when you're a little kid, but I hope professionals. - No, no, no, no. - I know they're doing all this shit too. - You gotta learn how to hustle your parents. - You have to hustle your parents. - Did you guys have to like mow the lawn as like a thing? - Yes. - No, 'cause you know why? I do such a shit job, my dad didn't like it. - That's part of the hustling. - And he took his job set very seriously and I didn't do it very good. And he was like, "Don't fucking do this. "Don't fucking touch my lawn."

- Yeah, I had to do this. But like, I think though, there's a part of me that's like, damn, that's smart, I wish I did that. But at the same time, I hated mowing the lawn. So I'm just like, I just wanna get it done so I don't have to do it for as long as I can. - I also hated mowing the lawn as well. - What chores did your parents make you do? And did they pay you for the chores? 'Cause my parents never paid me for chores. - Yeah, I had like a monthly wage.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah, so it's like- - Very futile of you. - Yeah, I had a fixed rate and like, it didn't matter. - Contracted employee. - Yeah, no, it was very- - Is this motherfucker being paid to do chores? Oh, I didn't get that shit. - No, but the thing is, it was also very Japanese because like I worked overtime and I still got paid the same. - Motherfucker, what the fuck is this? - I got paid 20 bucks a month.

- That's, bro's living like a king. You know what you can get for 20 bucks a month? How many sweets and ice creams you can get with that? - Yeah, and it fucking disappeared like that. - Oh my God. - But like I had to do a lot. I had to mow the lawn. I had to do the dishes. I had to do the washing. I had to vacuum sometimes. I had to take the garbage out. Walk the dog. Yeah, it's quite a bit.

And I was like, damn, that fucking child labor. - When I was 16, my parents, I think it was either monthly or weekly, they gave me five pounds to encourage me to think about saving and think about money more appropriately. - Did that help? - Yeah, I actually think it did. 'Cause then if I wanted a game, they were like, "Well, you have your own money." So it was all about like, all right, so I had to plan around. It's kind of like,

- It sounds lame, but I was like, man, I'm kind of glad my parents gave me like a little bit of money to have to think for myself, like how to spend it. - Yeah. - I mean, that's- - And consistent. - Yeah, no, that's a cool thing for your parents to do, but like, 'cause my dad also did the same thing, but he would teach it in a not very nice way. - He made you work for it. - Yeah, he not only didn't make me work for it, but like every time I'd be out with my parents and I'm like, oh dad, can I like buy this thing or whatever? He'd just be like, did you bring your wallet?

And I'll be like, no. And he's like, too bad. - I could never ask my parents for stuff, but it worked out. - I just worked, worked. - Well then once I got a job at McDonald's, they were like, yeah, no more money. - I just had to help out in the restaurant.

So I was just working, working, I guess. - I think my parents actually increased my pay after I didn't get that job at McDonald's. They were like, fuck. - They were like, this is called- - If McDonald's isn't gonna pay my son. - This is called benefits, Sheriff. You'll get used to this. - Yeah, we gotta, he's like, we'll help you out. We'll put you in the trash for a door. - But I realized the hustle of getting out of a chore. - You really should've.

- Yeah, that was it. - Such a bad job. - You would do such a bad job. You get a scolding from your parents the first like two, three times. And then afterwards they'd be like, let me fucking do it. You can't do it correctly. - Out of the way. - Out of the way.

Future kids, if you're watching this, that definitely doesn't work. That doesn't work at all. - Yeah, we know your game. - Yeah, we know your game. You can't get away from me. I was there as well. - I'll make you do it no matter how shit you are. - I'm gonna stand there, I'm gonna watch you do it every single time. - I'm gonna micromanage. Like the toxic boss I am. - Yeah, I see this and I'm like, all right, this is a typical teenager hustling their parents. - Yeah, it's also like the fact that his dad didn't,

to look or realize, it would be a pretty easy thing to suss out. You'd watch him mow the lawn and be like, why is it? - Yeah, why is he like- - Okay, okay. - Why is it like barely being cut? I think I would suss this out. - Why is he like wheeling the lawn off? - I would like to think I suss this out. - Here's the real question though. If you're the dad in this case and you find this out,

- What's your reaction? - I play some. - Are you giving respect? - I doubt my boy up. - I feel like you're fucking dead to me, but well played. - I'd be like, well, I'm taking away your iPad now, but I respect the hustle. - But keep that shit up. - Yeah. - Do that to everyone but me. - You know, I would have been impressed

if you are smart enough to not get caught. And that's your punishment, son. - What if he confesses? - What if he confesses? - Okay, this next one is from Earl of Tees. This one's bad. - No. - Alex definitely picked this one. I asked an Asian guy for more kimchi at a Korean barbecue. Turns out he didn't work there and I'm just racist.

- I felt so bad. He was just another patron who happened to walk past my table. - I've done this in Japan. - Did you actually? - Yeah, but everyone's Asian. So it wasn't like, I actually just thought they were staff 'cause they were walking around. You know the worst thing is they actually helped me. And after they revealed, they helped me and then they were like, "Oh, I don't work here by the way."

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- Damn. - Sorry, I've done this. - As an Asian. - Come on, tell us you mix up the whites. - This is definitely not racist. This is not racist at all. - Yeah. - 'Cause I've done this.

And it's also happened to me as well. Is this just a thing that happens at Asian restaurants? - I think so. 'Cause like, I wouldn't blame him, you know? Especially if you're like, okay, if you were in Asia, for instance, then maybe it'd be like a little bit like, you know, whatever. But I assume this person doesn't live in Korea or like, I assume this is like done in America or something, right? - Yeah. I mean, this is all,

I would say this is one of those situations that easily could just be laughed off, but it really depends on how the guy reacts. If he's like, "Did you just pick me 'cause I'm Asian?" And then starts freaking out. - I've realized I've done the opposite as well. - Oh, really? - Wait, really? - Wait, how so? - Here in Japan, I've gone to like an American barbecue place. - Oh my God. - There was a white guy.

And I assumed he was, because it was one of those restaurants where you have more English speakers than Japanese speakers working there. I realized I've done the opposite. I assumed a white guy was working there because he was a white guy in Japan. - Your boss man, three waters please. - Maybe I'm the racist one. - God's racist. - I mean-

- From looking at these comments, most people are like, nah, this isn't racism. This is just a silly mistake and it's just funny.

- Forgiveness is deserved, I think. - Korean guy here on behalf of all Koreans, we forgive you. Shit, I would probably do the same thing, said someone. So you're fine, man. Don't worry about it, Earl of Tees. - Yes. - Kimchi's so good. I want kimchi now. - All right, let me read another one here. This one's from thunderclap175. - Okay. - Jesus Christ. "I used my roommate's face towel to clean up his pee. He still hasn't noticed."

"I go to college in Midwest United States." - I don't even wanna hear what the reasoning is. This is diabolical. - "I live in a dorm and have a roommate "who shares a bathroom with me. "He's not from the United States "and seems a little nervous to talk to anybody "who isn't from his home country." - So I pissed on his rag and fucking cleaned it up. - "The first few weeks of college, "I started to notice pee on the toilet seat. "No big deal, I cleaned it up. "After about the 10th time, "I asked him if he could stop peeing on the toilet seat "or if he does, wipe it up.

Fair enough. He said, okay, and went on his day. About three months later, I started to notice pee all over the floor, toilet seat, and all around the toilet. Worse than before. I used my own toilet paper and started going through it very quickly, so it was getting expensive.

- I ended up walking over to his side of the counter and grabbing one of his extra towels. I've been using it to clean pee for about one month now. And I've definitely noticed a change in color due to the urine and the fact that I've never seen him wash it. I feel bad about it, but what he's doing is disgusting. And I've tried to tell him to stop many times. Should I feel sorry and stop? Yeah.

This is, no, this is disgusting. Why would you do this? - I think what, if you wanted to do this and still have the same effect, I would be like, "Hey, next time you piss on the ground, I'm gonna clean it up with your towel." - Yeah. - Yeah. - You just need to like threaten him. - And then like, and then when I do it, I'll tell him, "Hey, I cleaned up your piss with your towel." - With your towel. - And then,

then it's solved 'cause you've taken extreme measure, but you have given him warnings and he has refused to change his mindset by not telling him. I think, yeah, you're kind of being a little fucked up. - Okay, as Connor said, the one fucking thing in university or college I couldn't fucking stand is this passive aggressive bullshit instead of just like, okay, you may have a problem with someone,

but by just being passive aggressive, you escalate in the wrong way. You get back at it and maybe they deserved it, but you lowered yourself down to their level. - I'd argue this is even worse than just pissing on the ground half the fucking time. 'Cause now you're being a dick. And then if you'd have told him you were gonna do it, if he did it again, you'd set that expectation. And then I think that,

you'd be a lot more understanding. And then he would know that it's,

I pissed on the floor, so he used my towel. Not later on be like, he was doing what with my fucking towel? And then you'd be pissed off and of course you're gonna piss everywhere. You're just escalating by doing this. Best case scenario for him, he never finds out and you maybe give him like pink eye or some fucking eye infection. - I think it'd be way worse than pink eye. - Yeah, it's kinda gross. - Yeah, I like how the top comment just completely disagrees with us. No, he needs to wash his towel and wipe his piss off.

- I mean, it's true. Like again, it's like, it's not hard to not piss all over the floor. - You don't have to stoop to his level. - Yeah, exactly. - Be the bigger guy. - Be the better man. I have no enemies except for some enemies, but even with the enemies I do have, please make sure that they know that they are enemies.

- He also might just be a complete like, "I'm gonna use your towel then to clean up my piss." I'm like, "What is wrong with you?" - Yeah, exactly. - Stop pissing on the floor. - Yeah, it depends on the person, I think. - Yeah, I mean, I would say, you know, this kind of- - But I understand dorms are stressful. - Dorms are stressful. - Yeah, see, I've never lived in a college dorm, so I don't know. - Bro, they would use my fucking plates and shit to cook like full chickens and never clean it up. It annoyed me to death.

And then they would like use everyone's dishes. These like guys, these rugby guys. And then one guy dared to complain. I was like, "Hey guys, can you stop using my fucking thing?" So he pissed in his pots 'cause he complained. I was like, "Guys, guys, don't you think this is a little mush?" And they were like, "No, he's a cunt, like."

- Damn. - They went the nuclear option. - 'Cause he complained. - 'Cause he complained. - He's like, "I'm pissing over everything you love." - Makes one minor complaint. "Well, I guess I'm shitting on your bed." - And then he was gonna use it. And I was like, "Hey man, just so you know, don't use this." - Yeah, they peed in it. - I was like, "They pissed in it, don't use this." - That's so gross, man. - He was mortified. - I'm so glad I never experienced that. - Yeah, he actually left our dorm. I didn't even know you could do that. Like he just left.

- He just packed up and left. - He moved out. I don't know where he went, I don't know how he moved, but he just left. I did not blame him. They were boys. - Yeah, gross. - I am glad we have moved out of our dorms and we don't have to re-experience that shit. But it did teach me a lot because you know what it made me realize?

- Damn, I'm a much more balanced person than what I thought I was. 'Cause you meet some people in dorms and you're like, how the fuck did you get away being raised like this for this many years? - Animals. - What the fuck, man? - Some people you realize they're like, were you raised in a barn? Like how did you turn out like this? - Were you raised with the farm animals? What's going on here? - Gross.

- For our next confession with a deleted account. I sneak in and use my old apartments gym three times a week. - Nice. - I say sneak, but it's not like I'm being stealth. I walk in the front doors, pass the nine to five workers at their desk, pass any maintenance people chilling by the coffee machines and into the gym. It doesn't require a passcode or any keys and it has a full setup, everything I need.

There's never anyone in there when I go, so I'm not hogging it from any of the residents. I feel bad, but at the same time, I paid rent for a year for these thin walls, shitty maintenance, and lousy parking that wasn't enforced. I'm about to spend dollar every month for a membership somewhere when I can get it for free. - Honestly, based. That's just smart. - Kind of sounds like, you know,

- This is not a you problem. This is this apartment's problem. - I mean, look, if the gym is there and no one else is using it and you're not like breaking equipment, I'm like, whatever. - If you're not breaking equipment, I'd say, and you're not hogging it from anyone else using it,

I'd say that's okay for me. That's okay for me. It seems like the apartment just doesn't, is too lazy to enforce their own rules. - And it clearly seems like literally no one else in this apartment uses this gym anyway. So it's like, yeah, whatever. Just go for it. I'm sure the people in this apartment as well, if they found out from this post or whatever, they'd probably just be like, whatever, dude, we don't care. - I mean, I certainly wouldn't give a fuck. I'd be like, whatever man, use the fucking gym. - Yeah, smart, smart.

- No, you're going to heaven for that one. - You're going to heaven for that one. - You're going to heaven for that one. - I don't think you go to heaven. - You're going to heaven. I'm giving you a fast pass to heaven for that one. - Do it. I worked for maintenance forever. As long as you're respected, who cares? Way to beat the man. - Yeah, facts. - That's it. - Facts. - All right, here we go. - Oh my God, I see a long one there.

- Oh, you always skip one, Garnt. - Do I? - Yeah, so it's the link is above. - Oh, do I not scroll down? - No, you do scroll down, but the link is above it. - Yeah, I scroll down for you. - Okay. - Well, I'll do this one 'cause it's short, and I'll do the next one. - Okay. - I went through the McDonald's drive-through and they offered me a small ice cream cone for my dog. I ate it.

- I don't know why it's so funny. It's so diabolical. It's so funny. Can you just imagine being the McDonald's server, just be like, oh,

- Here you go. And he's like, oh my God, she's gonna love it, thank you. - I think, yeah, why not? This is not a confession. Thank you, that's funny. - It's so funny. - I don't know, man. - I ate it. - I ate it. - I'm sorry, father. - Oh no, man. - I ate it. - Poor dog, poor dog. You would take happiness away from man's best friends for that? - Can dogs eat soft serves? - I don't know.

- I mean, it should milk, right? - Yeah, I guess. As long as it's not like a chocolate soft serve. - Yeah, I think they can eat it. I mean, I don't think it's great for your dog. - Yeah, right? - So maybe he was- - I mean, I don't think that was part of his reasoning. He just really wanted the ice cream. - Well, they do like, what are those things in LA? A lot of the coffee stores do like,

- They're like, what are you? 30%.

- Yeah, there it is. PSA, puppuccinos are not always a good idea. - Oh my God. - Puppuccinos. - When did that start becoming a thing? Unfortunately, I've never had a dog before or a pet, at least at my house. How often is it for people to do stuff and then blame it on their dog? - Wait, I love this post. The treat was basically a small cup filled with fairly dense whipped cream. It seemed like too much, so I only let him have half. Dude had explosive diarrhea for 12 hours.

- First experience was without warning in our living room. Then I had to get up to take him out every hour or two last night so he could go shut up. - No.

- No, scroll down. - Oh my God. - Oh, poor thing. Like dude, just like the dog doesn't know any better. Just give it like what it's supposed to eat and drink and give it lots of love and the dog will be happy, all right? - Yeah. - You don't have to give it fucking puppuccinos or whatever. - Okay, all right, next confession. I steal my housemates food and nobody ever suspects me because they think I am vegan.

- I was vegan when we started living together, but I gave up since then and I started stealing anything I can get my hands on. They never suspect me because they think I wouldn't eat those items. Never been even close to being caught. I always make sure to cook when nobody's home or hide the packaging and wrappers in my trash. It's more about the fact that I can do it without consequences that makes me do it. - What?

Nobody complained about missing food items more than a couple of times, so I don't think I'm that much of a nuisance. Edit, just wanted to clarify a few things. I didn't lie about being vegan. Other people know in my life I am not vegan anymore and don't lie or hide facts about this anymore. The people I live with are never really around to socialize, so they never had the chance to find out about it. Also, if they ever said anything about it, being upset or really in a bad situation because of my actions, I would definitely stop. Copium."

My reasoning is that I don't take a lot or that what I would take was going to go to waste anyway. Okay, sure. Food constantly goes bad in the fridge. This is no way me trying to get away from the fact that what I'm doing is wrong. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but it's a bit of an addiction. - A bit of an addiction?

- So this one is weird to me 'cause I saw the headline and I was like, all right, it's wrong, but it ain't that bad. But it's the way they justified it. - It's more about the fact that I can do it without consequence. - What I'm realizing from reading the subreddit is that I feel like it's not confessions, it's more like, please back me up in my shitty actions. - Yeah, it's not legit.

- So what? So you think it's like okay to do it because there's no consequences for it? - I was like, this didn't sound so bad. And then you kind of made it worse. And then even with the edit, you're like trying to justify it even more than what you did before. - So they used to be a vegan and they're not anymore, but the other people around them don't know that.

- Yeah, and then he's saying he didn't lie about it 'cause maybe someone didn't ask. - Yeah, and then he said, "I don't lie about being a vegan."

but you are. - I just like, this is the worst. 'Cause there's like, especially like, he's like, I don't even socialize with them. So he doesn't even fucking talk to his housemates. He's stealing from them. There's nothing worse than like coming home. Like I remember like again in university, you'd come home after a long ass day. I'd cycle every day. So sometimes I'm tired or it'd rain. I'm like, fuck man, at least I got that one oven pizza. And the motherfucker ate my oven pizza. I'd be like, dude,

- Man, come on. - That's the one thing I was looking forward to. - And he'd be like, "Oh, you're just gonna throw it away. "You weren't gonna." Fuck off, man. It's mine. I get to decide if that shit rocks. - It wasn't your decision to make. Do you know the biggest red flag about this confession? The fact that they contradict themselves. They first say, "It's more about the fact that I can do it "without consequence that makes me keep doing it." And then they say, "My reasoning is that what I was going to take "was going to go to waste anyway."

- This is what happens when people who are a piece of shit realize they are so close to the Venn diagram where they're like, oh my God, I'm actually gonna realize I'm a piece of shit. They're like, ah, no, I have good excuse. And they like pull themselves out of it. 'Cause he knows for a second, he's like, shit, maybe I am the bad guy. No, no, no, the food is going bad. I'm not a bad guy.

- This is one of those moments where everyone's sharing like a funny story or something. And then there's this one dude who says something like this and everyone's like, "Yo, what the fuck? Actually, that's a dick move." And he was like, and they have to like backtrack. They're like, "Oh, wait, wait, it's just a funny story." - "Let me give you my life story actually." - The food was gonna go to waste anyway. It was gonna go to waste anyway. - Probably, I don't know. I ate it before it did. - Yeah, the entire comments are like,

- Out of all the confessions we've had, I have not seen these comments. - You are the enemy of the people. - People hate this guy. - Well, yeah, because like- - This guy's the worst. - Because everybody is imagining being the roommate or the housemate. - Now here's the question. Would you rather be this guy's roommate or on a date with the guy- - Or get cucked at a cheesecake factory? - Or get cucked at the cheesecake factory?

- I'd rather be cooked at the Cheesecake Factory. - I'd rather be cooked at the Cheesecake Factory. - Damn. - You know, I think being cooked at the Cheesecake Factory, that's a one day thing. That's a funny story as well to tell. This one, you just have a dickhead or a roommate. - Yeah, that's a shitty roommate. Okay, this one is from a deleted account.

"When I was around 10, I bought about 15 packs "of fake Pokemon cards for super cheap. "I traded all of them for real good cards. "This subsequently got Pokemon banned from my school, "permanently to this day. "I lost the cards like a year later though." - How did he lose the cards? - How did you lose the cards, dude?

- This is, I mean, so you committed a crime. - Fraud, you committed fraud. - You committed fraud. - I don't know how I feel about this one. I mean, I need time to mull it over. - Did you ever, okay, so obviously everyone had that like phase in primary school or whatever where, you know, Pokemon cars or Yu-Gi-Oh cars were like really big, right? Did you ever have that moment where like those card games got banned from your school? - Yeah. - No. - You did it? - No.

- Why did they get banned from your schools? - Because people kept playing them. - Because people kept playing them, people doing trades, they caused problems, fights. - Oh shit. - Like people getting into like fights at my school because like, I guess a Yu-Gi-Oh trade had gone south. - Yeah, I think I remember like football cards got banned from like our school 'cause I had like absolutely scammed this kid. It was like such a bad trade for him. He gave me like, this is like back when like Ronaldinho was like the goat.

- He gave me Ronaldinho for like some fucking mid-ass defender player. And then his like mom stormed into the school 'cause he was upset about it after he realized. And I was like- - How did you convince him that that was a good trade? Or did he just not- - I don't know, some better call Saul shit when I was like 11. I was like, this is the best deal ever, man. He's a trade man. - You know what's really- - And I still think that's his fault. - Yeah.

Yeah. He should have known. He should have known. Don't be getting into trades with slimy dudes. You know what's funny? I have a very similar story to this. ABC Wednesdays. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So, a couple of days. When his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

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Like this Reddit post right here. Oh, yeah? My dad...

when I was back in primary school, he worked at like one of those like Japanese printing companies. I don't think it was Epson. - I think you told the story. - Yeah, I think I've told the story. - You printed some. - Yeah, he printed, he used the really high end printers at Epson. I think it was at Epson to basically print all the parts of Exodia.

And I've traded those for like actual real Yu-Gi-Oh cards. - So you're telling me that is, wait, what did this guy do again? What's his sin? - He bought some fake Pokemon cards and traded them for real Pokemon cards. - Did he know they were fake? - Yeah, probably. - Okay. - He was 10 though. Come on. - Yeah, you don't know any better. - You're 10, boys will be boys.

- Also a 10 year old is not gonna look at like, look that deeply into a Pokemon card. They're gonna be like, oh Charizard. - Honestly, it's on the buyer side for verifying the purchase. - Exactly. - You got scammed. - You're actually perpetuating scams.

- By participating. - No, no, no, no. - Your fault. - Okay, here's the thing. If there is a time you want your kids to learn a harsh lesson, it is at 10 years old. If anything, this guy might've been doing everyone he scammed a favor. - We should put a statue of this guy up. - We should.

- I mean, look, he's 10 years old. Look, it's a good time to learn about being scammed 'cause you will not forget that shit. If you get scammed at 10 like that, that haunts you. - This is a real crime with no consequences. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. - There are zero consequences for this. - Exactly. There are victims to this, but it's almost,

- A victimless crime, because I would say the lessons that those kids learned from being scammed at the age of 10, they are never gonna forget that for the rest of their lives. - Not only that, you double down by losing the cards a year later. So not only did you trade off fake Pokemon cards, essentially steal these kids like real Pokemon cards and you're like, fuck you guys, now I don't have them. They're somewhere. - So actually you gained a net,

- Nothing, at the end of the day, you taught some lessons. You learned a lesson yourself since you have clearly identified that you've committed a sin. I feel like everyone came out of this better. - Yeah, you're gonna head for that brother, don't worry. - Well done. - Kids need to learn sometimes, man. All right, next confession.

- I'm a bartender and saw a guy once drug another girl's drink. Oh, I don't know where this is going. And while he wasn't looking, I switched the drinks. I then watched the guy drug himself. - Oh my God. - I mean, perfect. - God damn. - This sounds like

a TikTok skit that didn't really happen if I'm being honest. - This is like a scene out of like James Bond. - Yeah, I was working a late night shift at a really exclusive club and there were tons of people there and I saw this guy drug a really pretty girl's drink so I had to take action.

This had been on my chest for the last few months and it finally feels good to confess about it. Until now, I had told no one and I just feel much better. I feel like I truly did the right thing and I acted on instincts. - Honestly. - Okay, well, you're kind of like,

You're kind of like sucking your own dick a little too much here. If you want to do the right thing- - I'm the hero. - If you want to do the right thing- - We have some live audio from his confession. - Yeah, yeah. If he really wants to do the live thing, why don't you just report the guy? - You could have also just easily, I don't know, grab the drink, pour it down, and then just be like, whoops, someone accidentally took your drink or whatever. - I get it. It sounds like a funny story. At the same time,

- Probably would have been better to just report the guy. So he gets on a list or get reported to the police or someone. - What are the odds? Okay, this is like me just going way too deep into the story. What are the odds that they both got the exact same drink and he could just do a little switcheroo? How often do you get the exact same drink as someone else? - What do you mean? Like at a bar? - Like at a club. They're like, "Oh, the two have the exact same drink. They didn't want to have a different drink."

- I think it can happen. - Pretty often. - Yeah, you can go up to a girl at a bar and just be like, "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" Or whatever. And they just get the same drink. - What do you want? - Yeah, what do you want? But like, here's my question. Like, okay, you obviously saw the dude putting stuff into the drink. What if that most likely it was gonna be like, you know, some kind of like thing to knock the girl out or whatever. But what if it was like cyanide?

- I don't think anyone's bringing cyanide to the club. - What if that guy really wanted to just kill the girl? - And it was like, switcheroo, oh, he's dead. - What if we were just witnessing the fucking KGB assassination? - What if he was like an undercover KGB assassin? - Like, "What, you think I'm putting plutonium in the TV?" - Yeah, yeah. - "What's going on here?" - It's like, damn, man, he just exploded.

- I'm just like, this seems like a one, this seems like a bullshit story. Number two, what the fuck is up with this confession being like, I have ascended now. I am Jesus. This is the best thing I've ever done in my life. - Guys, I gotta confess, I gave a million dollars to Travis. - Yeah, I feel this is like- - I feel bad that I couldn't give more. I wish I could suck my own dick harder. - Yeah, by really exclusive club, it's probably like some like pub in the Midwest.

It's just like, this is what I want out of my career. - Okay. - I mean, look, if you actually did it and this is like legit then- - Everyone's saying the same thing as me. People are just like, this is identical posts. I've seen this thing yesterday. - Oh, shit. - Yeah, this sounds like bullshit. - All right, next one. - We all wanna be the hero, man, but you know.

- I just don't think faking stories on Reddit makes you cool. - Nah, it really doesn't. - Okay, here we go. Oh, this one. I give my friends live stream fake views.

My friend wants to be a pro live streamer, but he said he needs an average of three viewers to level up. He only had one. To help him out, I open up a tab in Chrome, one in Firefox, and one with a proxy on a virtual machine. I know he would feel sad if he found out I was the only person watching his stream and giving him fake views, so I keep it a secret from him. Sorry, bro.

- You're a good friend. - Yeah, dude. And he left the fucking Twitch account as well. That's a good friend. - That's a good friend. - That's like something my mom would do. - That's...

- You're a good friend. - You support your friends, man. - Yeah, that's a good friend. - I don't know about making like 19 fake accounts though. Maybe a bit much, but just watching. - No, he said he only makes two. - Oh, okay. - Only two accounts. - He goes from one viewer to three viewers. - That's fine. - That's fine. That's a great friend, dude. - Yeah. - You know what? I hope your friend finds out about that. 'Cause if I was that guy, I'd be like, "That's super fucking sweet of you to do." - Can I make a confession? - Yeah. - I've actually done this. - Really?

- With who? - With Sydney. This was like right at the beginning of like quitting YouTube, like me quitting YouTube and I've just got to my career started. She was feeling a little lost in life.

And I've already told her this like after the fact. So she already knows all this. So it's not like she's gonna learn this from this one thing. But yeah, so back when she was starting to film in Thailand, she was like working...

she was at a point where she was like taking on like any job that she possibly could, just trying to make as much money as she could, like any money. And then I know to try and encourage her, I was like, I'm doing this YouTube thing, do you wanna try out streaming? 'Cause I think you could be really good content creator. And she at the time didn't have, she wasn't too confident about it.

I convinced her to give it a shot, even if it was just like whatever, something to do at the time. And I did this exact thing.

And I also donated to her subs as well. Just like every so often. She didn't know it was me until years afterwards when she'd already made it. - There you go. - But she did- - She did a little kickstart. - Yeah, she did. She was like, when I told her, she was like, "Are you this user?" And I'm like,

- Yes. - Are you Bowles McSwain? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is like something completely different name. - So I can't call this guy out for being a sinner or something. - No, no. - 'Cause I've done the exact same thing. - This is a great friend. - Is it a confession to support your friends? - Yeah. - Yeah, right? - Confession. - Yeah. - Sometimes people, especially in the streaming world, content creation world,

Sometimes they just need the confidence to just keep doing it. And even though you did it in secret, they might look back at that point and be like, yo, thank you very much for making me feel like there were people that cared about me at the time. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - Absolutely. Good on you. Good on you, Turbine. - Good on you, guy. Yeah, keep doing it. - All right, this one is from a dad.

- Oh, okay. - A father who says, "I let my son ditch school for a video game event." - Oh, okay. - "My son is nine and he's really into Fortnite." - Unbased. - "I guess there is some event going on today and he's been so excited about it. However, this morning we figured out that the event would be happening during his Zoom hours at school.

Oh, sorry guys, so this must've been during the pandemic. - Yeah. - I'm the type of parent who is super involved with their kids' school stuff, very strict about grades. Decided to let him take the day and enjoy his event. Emailed the school and said he had a headache, feeling like a rebel.

and there's a huge edit here. I didn't think this would blow up so fast. I wanted to add some more info. This event was virtual. My son did not go to a physical event. I would not let him go something like that during a pandemic. We live on the West coast. This event was during school hours for people on the West coast. I am a mom, sorry, a mom. I'm sorry, I assumed your gender. I'm a mom, moms can be cool too. - Damn, I did assume that gender.

- Yeah, right? - Holy shit, I read that and I was like, that's such a dad thing to do. - My bad miss. - Oh my God, I feel bad now. - If you don't agree with it, that's cool. I'm not telling you to let your kids skip school for video games. This was a confession, chill out. Based mom. - Based, okay. You have made a core memory?

- Yeah. - With your son? - Especially during like, you know, a really shitty time like the pandemic as well. You know, like that is something your son's probably gonna remember for a long time. - Yeah, I think there's no harm in, you know, making sure as long as the studies are kept on top of, having a little treat every now and then within moderation. - Yeah, within moderation. And I feel like, I feel like number one, this is as long as your son is keeping up with the studies and still not like,

taking off school. This I feel is just one way to,

one, make a core memory for your son that they're never gonna forget. And I cannot imagine the bonding, like the feeling of closeness you must have to your kid for just doing something like that. This is something that your son is going to tell people for like the rest of his life, I think. - And again, like, you know, at the end of the day, it's like,

one day in school. Like it's not like your grades are gonna be like depleting by with just one day of skipping school. So yeah, you know, again, like if I was in this kid's situation, I'd be like, I'd be impressed if my mom knew what Fortnite even was. Let alone if my mom came into my room and was like, nah dog, fuck school, you're going to this Fortnite event.

- Best mom ever. - Yeah, that's pretty cool mom. - That's so sick. Good on you. - Yeah, and honestly, I can't have a Giga Chad thing to do. - Giga Chadettes. - Giga Chadettes. - Kind of a Giga Chadettes. - What the fuck is this confession? - I hope I can be as cool of a parent like that. - Oh my Lord, you read the top. - And then the next confession.

- Dog, what the fuck dog? - This is Joey bro. - What the fuck? - This is Joey. - Joey? - This is Joey. - Joey, is this you? - This is Joey. - I pooped on the floor at McDonald's bathroom then left it. - I pooed on the floor. - I pooed.

- This happened when I was nine. Okay, okay, okay, okay. - Yeah, sure. - It would be so much funnier if they were 20. - Yeah, if they were like 19. - Yeah. My parents were getting us ready to leave, but I had incoming diarrhea. I lined up for the bathroom, three people ahead of me. I was desperately holding it in for the next five minutes. When it was my turn, I ran in, locked the doors, pulled my pants down, but I did not make the toilets.

- There it was in the middle of a bathroom, a piping hot chocolate soft serve. I grabbed a bunch of tissues and- - Why is Joey laughing so much? - And I left smears on the seat, nine year old me panicking while the next person is knocking on the door.

Also at that point, my parents have been waiting for me for about 10 minutes already. I washed my hands, left the bathroom and pulled the door closed as I exited. So I wouldn't get an immediate reaction. Then I ran out of McDonald's. I'm deeply sorry to the staff that had to clean up my mess and the person who tried to get it going after me. - I'm sure.

- They've seen worse in a McDonald's. - A hundred percent. This is like an average day. If it's an American McDonald's as well, average day. - I mean, look, it's diarrhea and you're a kid. You haven't learned the limits yet of diarrhea. - Wait, wait. I don't think this is a sin at all. He tried to clean it. - I love the top comment, diarrhea of a weepy kid.

- Look, you're nine. - What were you supposed to do? - Y'all missed me with this shit. - Look, you did the right thing, right? 'Cause most nine year olds would not have like the mental capacity to be like, I need to rush to the toilet right now, here it comes. - How dumb do you think nine year olds are? - They would just shit themselves. - No, they would not. - They would. - Nine year olds don't shit themselves that fast. - They would. - I think most would try to get to the toilet. - Right. - Nine year olds, they're pretty big.

- Yeah, I don't know. Have you ever diarrhea yourself? Have you ever had diarrhea in a public space like this? - Yes. - Yeah, of course. - Yes. - I had it on a plane. - Oh, you had it on a plane? - You had it on a plane? - I had it on a plane. - Damn, that might be the worst place to have it. - It was like a year and a half ago. - Oh shit, really? - I had it on a plane and I had to just like, and it was awful. You just have to keep like asking people to move. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - And that was the worst part. And I had to like climb over them every single time 'cause they were trying to sleep. It was a 12 hour flight and I had to poop every 30 minutes.

- So we agree this isn't a sin, right? - No. - No, he's not. - If they're like 10, unless they like kill someone, it's like, all right. - Yeah, this is just a hilarious childhood story of having diarrhea at a McDonald's. - So I've done this.

- What you've had, is this your post? - No. - Is that why you asked us? - I just want to confirm this isn't a sin, right? This isn't a sin. This isn't a sin, right? And it's on camera. They're like, no, it's not a sin. It's not a sin. - No, it's fine. - It's not a sin. It's fine. - It's fine, but did you post this? - No, I didn't. - Explain what happened, guys. Explain what happened. - Okay, so I was 18.

- Okay, go on. - Okay, same thing. I had, this is gonna get really fucking, sorry to anyone eating right now. So I was 18 and I was in a club. - Okay. - And I had diarrhea, right? - Oh God. - And we all know what club bathrooms can be like. - Oh yeah. - Yes.

So this particular club, they did not even have toilet seats, right? 'Cause they just assumed that everyone is taking a piss. - Yeah, no one's gonna come to a club and take a shit. - I would. I actually would do that. - What, go to a club and take a shit? - If I need to take a shit, I'm taking a shit in the club. - Damn. - Yeah, unfortunately that day my stomach was,

not cooperating, let's say, with stuff that I had eaten earlier that day. Probably I had Thai food, who the fuck knows? So either way, it's a club bathroom, it's full as fuck. I'm in line for what feels like an hour, even though it was probably five minutes, getting really, really desperate, right? I open the door, I fucking smash the door closed, lock it,

I see that there's no toilet seat. So I'm like, "Shit, all right, I'll just hover over." 'Cause I don't wanna fucking- - You're not touching that. - I don't wanna fucking sit on- - You can't touch it. - Every disease is on that toilet. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just comes out and then there's the immediate panic 'cause I'm like, "Where's the water sound effect?" You know what I mean? It comes out and I'm like,

I didn't hear water. Oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no. I didn't hear water. And luckily the whole thing, like the whole thing didn't come out 'cause I stopped it immediately. And I'm like, it's probably not that bad. It's probably not that bad. - Right. - It's probably not that bad. I turned around.

- It's bad, isn't it? - I completely missed it. I completely missed it. - It's on the floor? - It is not on the floor. - How far did you miss it by? Could you kick it in? - So it is not on the floor, but I had missed the toilet seat and because I'd missed the bowl and because the entire thing didn't have a toilet seat, it all went on the back of, there was just a puddle of it on the back.

- Disgusting. This is a sin. - Oh, that's a sin. - Yes, it is disgusting. - So how did you resolve this? - That actually made me gag. - I actually had to use the entire roll.

- So I didn't leave it, right? I didn't leave it. - Okay, okay. At least I had the dignity to clean it up. - No, no, I did clean it up. And this was with people banging on the door. And my biggest concern was I was really scared that the bouncer would think I was doing drugs in the toilet. Because when you're in a club and you're in the toilet for a long time, bouncers come checking in pretty often, right? And my biggest concern was,

a bouncer is gonna knock on this door and- - Because there's nothing more embarrassing than a bouncer coming into the bathroom to check if you're doing drugs and instead find out you shit yourself.

- He'd be like, "Oh God." - I think I would have preferred if I- - If you were caught doing drugs. - If I was caught doing drugs, then whatever the fuck I was doing, because what I was doing- - Just lean over. - 'Cause I obviously had to, to the best of my ability, just clean it all up. Took several flushes, obviously. - Oh my God. - Because that was a lot of toilet paper.

But we all agreed that it's not a sin. It's not a sin. - No, it's a, look, this is the thing. These stories are not sins because it's just like, they're just unfortunate. You know, I would have wished this upon my worst enemy. 'Cause it's just bad. It's a bad time for everybody.

- But I will admit it is also the funniest thing to hear. - So I apologize, I warned that that was very graphic and I'd forgotten about that until that came out. - I don't think Batman could get that out of me. - Yeah. - All right, next up we have a confession. I stole 60,000 from a game show by inserting a pager in my butt.

- What did he say? - I was facing financial stress and needed to pay back loans. 60,000 would have and has solved all my issues. My life has been a blessing since. I appeared on the game show similar to "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and would read the questions. My friend who was sitting in the far corner would page the,

Would page the pager on the correct answer. I could obviously feel the vibration, hence why I won 60,000. - This can't be real. - I wouldn't have made it past the third question otherwise. I haven't had to cheat since, nor have I had the opportunity to do so, nor would I do that again. - Okay, I'm looking at this top comment. Yeah, didn't like a chess player get like, yeah, this is the anal beach. - Yeah, that's very close. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Why didn't he go for the full million?

- Yeah, I guess because if it was the full million, it would have been too soft. - It wasn't actually, it wasn't. - It wasn't "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" It was a game show similar to "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" - It does sound fake to me. - Yeah. - It's a funny story, but it does sound fake. - Yeah, I mean, I don't know what game show this is, but like I'm trying to think.

- The chest thing is real. - Is the chest thing actually real? - No, it wasn't actually real. It was never confirmed. - Yeah, because this reminds me of a story. So in the UK, there was actually a big news article about someone who did actually cheat on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" - Yeah, with the coughs. - Yeah, yeah. So their biggest mistake was they went to the full million.

They won the full million. But if you watch back on like some of the tapes or some of their questions, it's so obvious that something sus is going on. Because he would say something like, "Oh no, it's definitely A, it's definitely A." And then you hear like some coughs in the background. There was one question like, so to explain the whole fucking frauds, basically he had helpers in the audience

check out the right answer whenever he was reading out the questions. - He had to ask the audience every time. - So he'd be like, "Oh," you know, he'd be like, "What is the, how old is Joey?" And then he'd be like, "Wow, well, 30 is a pretty good age, I think." And then no one would cough.

Like, "Well, 29 is also a pretty good age." And then no one would cough and then it'd be like, "Oh, 32. Oh, nice, nice." And then they'd start coughing in the audience. - Yeah. - So you'd kind of like talk through every- - First of all, I'm 30. - I know, I know. But he would talk through like every answer like that and then have someone cough. - Oh yeah. - But yeah, they went to prison for it, I think.

- Yeah, or at least they definitely got sued for it. But there's this one obvious one where he, for some reason did something so stupid aside from this, but on one of the questions, he was like,

I'm so sure it's like question A or like answer A. I'm so sure about it. And you can hear in the background, just like the coughs going like crazy 'cause like his partner was clearly panicking. It was literally that. I think at one time you can hear it in the audience of him going, "No." - A total of 192 coughs recorded. - Holy shit.

- Oh my God. - Yeah, so this was an insane story and I'd forgotten about this as well. If we were smarter, I would say that pay drop your asshole is probably smarter than this. - That is definitely smarter. - Yeah. - All right, well the next confession. - All right. - I lied about being allergic to pineapple for years. - Oh, I should do that.

- Okay, so this started when I was like 10 and my mom kept forcing me to eat pineapple even though I hated it. Like the texture, the taste, everything was just so gross to me. - Why was your mom forcing you to eat pineapple? - So one day I told her it made my throat itchy and she flipped out thinking I was allergic. Suddenly no more pineapple. I thought I was a genius.

But here's the thing. It got out of hand. My whole family started telling restaurants I had this severe allergy. My friends at school knew about it and would avoid anything pineapple-related around me. I feel like I couldn't backtrack without looking insane. I even started Googling real allergy symptoms to keep my story straight. If I saw it at college, my roommate ordered a pizza with pineapple. Gross. I was like, oh, sorry, I forgot about your allergy. I was too embarrassed to admit the truth, so I just sat there like...

Yeah, thanks for the heads up. Now I'm 24 and still living this lie. My boyfriend avoids pineapple completely and I can't bring myself to tell him that I just don't like it. Sometimes I wonder how my life got to the point where it got to this point all because I didn't want to eat pineapple as a kid. I think about coming clean, but it feels too late. Am I the villain here? I don't know, man.

- First of all, what situation were you in where your mom was like, "You're gonna eat this fucking pineapple." - Well, I- - There's also multiple ways out of this. Like you don't just have to be like, "Guys, I lied." You can be like, "I started trying to eat pineapple and you know, trying to beat off my allergy." - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause some people become less allergic over time. - Oh, because as well, like people can lose allergies as well over time. - Yeah, yeah. - So you could just say that. - Yeah, like there's like a million ways out of this. You are just, I don't know.

- Why are you being so dramatic about it? - My dad used to be like deathly allergic to prawns and shrimp when he was a kid. And then just like one day in his twenties, he had an allergy test and the doctor was like, "Oh, you don't have the allergy anymore." And now he eats prawns like he's fucking killing the entire cast of The Little Mermaid. - Not to call out the parent here,

- Probably have gotten an actual allergy to them. - Yeah, yeah. - Don't just believe in a kid. - Yeah, I mean, look, I know they can be expensive and time consuming and stuff, and it's not always the easiest, but I feel like,

- If your kid's like, oh, it's itchy and be like- - See, if I was the mom here, I would have taken that statement from my kid and being like, okay, well there is a chance you might be allergic to the pineapple, but you could be allergic to other things. So that would actually get me to do the- - But a good story about why lying is bad. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But also I should start doing this about ketchup. - No. - No one's gonna believe- - No one's gonna believe, oh, I'm allergic to ketchup. - When you eat like a fucking tomato pizza. - I'm specifically allergic to Heinz ketchup, bro.

- Did you see the new mayonnaise drink they sell? - Yeah, I did see that. - That's like your nightmare. - It is my nightmare. I saw it in- - I was trying to find it yesterday. - I saw it in Combinis and I was like, why would- - And you didn't buy it? - Sydney bought it. I was like, why would you buy this fucking awful- - She said it tasted good.

- I can't remember. We were pretty drunk at the time. - I was trying to find it yesterday and I couldn't find it. - It sounds disgusting. Oh, the picture looks vile. That sounds so gross. - We have to try it. Yeah, Garnt, I guess Garnt from now on is gonna be like, "Sorry guys, I have an allergy to condiments." - Oh God. - Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I feel like...

I feel like this is a funny story that, would you come clean about this? I feel like- - No, just be like, "Yeah, I'm not allergic anymore." - Yeah, just say, "I'm not allergic anymore." - I feel like it's, at this point,

as a grown adult, I feel like this has got to the point where you can tell this to your parents and they're probably, you could probably get to the point where you can laugh it off. - Yeah, because like your parents, I don't know about you guys, but like, I think it's like a very common thing for like your parents to do that with your kid. Like your parents tell this lie to their kid. This kid believes that their entire life and then one day they just come clean with it.

'Cause it happened to me. My whole life I was convinced and my mom kept saying this to me, my dad kept saying this to me. I was convinced that my mom used to be a car dealer in Vegas. - Yes. - I've told this story on "Trash Taste" because she was so good at like riffle shuffling and shit like that. My dad was like, "Yeah, your mother used to be a car dealer in Vegas."

And I was like, "Really? That's so cool." And I tell like my friends at school about it. And then I was like 24 or something. And my mom's like, "I've never even been to America." I was like, "No." So yeah, this one's fine. It's whatever. - There's one that's actually kind of interesting. There's one on the side. I made up a fake job to impress someone and now it's spiraling. - Oh my God. All right. - Oh, is it actually?

Okay. So a few months ago, I met someone at a party who seemed super successful and put together. When they asked me what I do for work, I completely blanked. And instead of just being honest, I blurted out, oh, I'm a graphic designer. I'm not. I work retail. At first, I thought it was harmless because it was just a random party, right? But we hit it off and started texting. They kept asking me about my design projects. So I had to just make stuff up.

I started Googling graphic design terms and sending vague replies like, "I'm just working on some logo concepts." Or, "Super busy with branding project."

- Now we've been hanging out more and they're talking about recommending me to their friends for work. I even faked an online portfolio by stealing images from Pinterest. It's getting out of hand, but I don't know how to backtrack without looking like a liar. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I just didn't want to seem boring, but now I'm living this ridiculous double life as a fake graphic designer. How did I even get here? - I think this is how most people become graphic designers.

- You need to become a graphic designer. Like legit, this is how most people become graphic designers. - At this point, just commit to it. - Yeah, just be a graphic designer. - At this point, just commit to like a career change. You've already been able to gaslight the people around you. - Honestly, I would swap. - You've already memorized all of like the terminology.

- You know what? - Just do it. - You wanted to become a more interesting person and I believe unintentionally- - Why graphic designers? - Yeah, I don't know. - Is that more interesting? - That's what I thought. There's way more interesting jobs out there. No offense to the graphic designers, but.

- Joey just calling out graphic designers. - I was gonna be a graphic designer. - What job did you think they were gonna say they had? I thought like lawyer or something. - Dude, if it was lawyer, I would have been like, whoa, really? - Yeah, like what job did you think came to, like what job came to mind when you heard that title? - Like a police officer or something? - Maybe it was fake job to impress someone and now it's spiraling.

- I mean, I would say- - You wouldn't think graphic designer, but maybe that's why a lie is so perfect because it's such a inconspicuous. - 'Cause like with graphic design, it's believable. And I'd say, you know, there's less you need to do to let's say fake that you have a fake job in graphic design than let's say being a doctor or a doctor.

- I'm gonna put it for this logo guys. I was stressing out. - We need a graphic designer. - I need a graphic designer stats. - So there she is. - Maybe they worked on the Jaguar.

- Like the new Jaguar logo. - That's how they got that job. - Maybe it's this person who has lied their way to getting to the Jaguar job. - Big bald. - Oh my God. All right, next one here.

This one is called got hammered at the airport and missed two flights in the same day. - Oh my God. - I 22 female had a flight with frontier that got delayed and delayed for over five hours. So I decided to get

hammered at the airport. I ended up missing my flight. Luggage was on the flight. So I bought another flight that left the next hour. I went to another bar, didn't see there was a gate change and missed that one too. I was sobbing. Ended up spending about $500 that day to just end up going back home. That was embarrassing. I ended up getting refunded and I did find my bag. Should probably quit the booths.

- Yeah, I mean, this sounds like you're an alcoholic. - Yeah, this is insane. - Who the fuck has their flight delay and thinks I'm gonna get hammered? That's insane. That is an insane person thing. - I was going to say,

- Until you said I ended up getting refunded. I will just go and say that it seems like the only victim here is you to yourself. - You did that to yourself. - This is literally not really a confession. This is like, ah, someone meeting the consequences of their own actions. - I just cannot, it's the worst play. You asked me where would I want to get hammered? I think I'd rather get hammered in like the London dungeon.

than fucking this. - Yeah, all the comments are just like, bro, you've got a drinking problem. It's like, they're just being sympathetic to them. - I mean, I feel bad 'cause like, why would you, I don't know, man, why would you think to do that? - And then someone just said, but did you have fun? It's like, no. - Okay, like this reads like a cry for help. - Yeah. - I mean, I was like almost,

I could see a world where I'm sympathetic. - If it was like me and the boys on like the bachelor party weekend. - Yeah. - Yeah, all right. - 'Cause you know, the first time it happens, your flight is delayed for five hours. - Yeah. - Hell fucking yes, I'm going to the bar. What else am I gonna do for five hours? - I just don't wanna be drunk on a plane. That just sounds miserable.

- No, I can be pretty fine. - No. - No, you can be pretty fine. - Seriously? - I can't believe I'm the only one arguing. - I've done this many times. - So your flight is delayed for five fucking hours. - I'm not drinking. I'm gonna fucking watch some goddamn YouTube videos. - You're not drinking? - No.

- Honestly, I'm getting hammered. - Same here, bro, same here. - Luckily for you boys, there are some subreddits that can help with this. Stop drinking. - No, but I'm getting drunk to the point where like, I'll still be able to get my fucking flight. I'm not gonna be like, you know, inebriated. - But it sounds like OP was alone. - Yeah. - I mean, if you're doing that alone, come on.

- If I was alone, okay, yeah, to be fair, if I was alone, I would not do that. - I get it, like if you're in Sydney, you're like, I don't want that. - If I was with one other person, then yes, absolutely. - Oh bro, me and Sydney are going to the bar, man. We know, we know God. Maybe I'm the one with the drinking problem. - I don't wanna drink at an airport. I just don't, I just don't like it. - I just don't wanna be in an airport. Drinking just makes it .

- He just makes you forget that you're in an airport. - That is the most alcoholic thing you've ever said. Just so you know. - It's my way of coping and being at an airport. - It's just like, I feel happy. - I'm in my good place.

It's just like that place is so special to me. - What is there to do at an airport for five fucking hours? I'm sorry. - The same thing, I just watch it or play games. - I just take a nap. - Just take a nap? - There's 19 other things I would do.

- Yeah, hopefully you don't do that again. - All right, what's next? - All right, all right. - In second grade, I caused my school to be fined $600. - Oh no. - Okay. - I was an introvert, quiet, known for being the well-behaved kids. I was in an afterschool program and one day when I was wondering about on my own, I came across this small red box on the wall that said, "Press here, fire."

- It's already funny. - I get you dog, I get you. My intrusive thoughts never went there, but I can already tell where this is going. I already knew I wasn't allowed to touch it because we've all been given stern instructions earlier that month not to touch it. But somehow I will still manage to convince myself that

Clearly I'm supposed to press it because that's what it says. - Bro discovered he had free will. - Bro, I don't know how many times this has gone through my mind. I think you know where this is going. Alarm went off, chaos erupted. I realized my mistake. Teachers were running and children were crying. I quickly stepped away from the wall and I put on a fake confused face. The fire brigade showed up.

A teacher even asked me to stop if I saw who did it. Never thinking it could be a quiet, innocent, good kid like me. Another kid got in trouble for doing it. Oh my, okay. - That kid just started his villain off. - Okay. And the school tried to charge his parents the $600 fine of the fire trucks being called out on a false alarm.

- In the end, they had to drop the fine because the other kids kept denying he did it. Because of the possibility of my parents getting fined and getting me in trouble, I never told anyone. I'm 32 now and still scared to tell them. LOL. - Nah, you should, yeah, I agree with the top comment. I think now is the perfect time to tell your parents about it. - There is some shit that we get up to as a kid that feels like the end of the world.

at that particular moment. - That's not great. I mean, that's not great. - This is not great. - I mean, second grade, how old are you? Like eight, nine years old? - I mean, if you're a nice one, I would. - Yeah. - You shouldn't put those buttons in the view of kids. - But,

- I always get it. - As someone who has had those intrusive thoughts, you live the dream. - Yeah. - In some ways- - I think every kid wishes they were this kid. - In some ways, I'm actually jealous of you. How did it feel pressing that button? How did it feel? 'Cause I know in the UK, we have those thin glasses. - Yeah, we have that too. - The thin glasses that you just, I just want, I just always wanted to- - No, you know what else for me? When you ride a bus, you know they have the hammers?

- Oh my God. - I always look at that hammer like, oh, I would pop this glass. - How does the resistance feel when you hit it? - I just wanna know how it feels. - Just like, what does it feel in your hand when you do it? - 'Cause they have like the hand grips on them too. - Yeah, yeah. This person has lived my dream of knowing what it feels like to just do something that clearly, you know, you're clearly told not to do. - Bro's gonna grow up to be a leader, not a foe.

- This is funny, no forgiveness needed. - Yeah. - No, 100%. - I feel like, I feel like- - Boys will be boys. - And like this has happened fucking so much more often than people think as well. I'm sure every school has had this happen at least once. - I thought that it was the alarm didn't immediately call the police. Maybe this is an American thing. 'Cause I'm pretty sure in the UK,

- I was just had an alarm go off. And then I think someone had to call. - Pretty sure they call the fire. - Like directly, like when you press it right away. - I'm going to assume so. - In America, in my school at least it did not do that. People kept fucking pressing it. - Really? - Yeah. - Okay, well that's like your school problem. - Well, I mean, I just don't know if we had that tech in the Welsh school back then. It would call the fire.

It wasn't even electric, it was a button and there's just the dude in the back just ding, ding, ding. - Yeah, with the town scar. - Yeah, the guy gets up on the top tower, it's like fire. - I'm pretty sure they would have to then call the fire to come over after the alarm went. - Yeah, see I'm so jealous that this never happened when I was in school. But every time, it was always like as well, I don't know why, like,

it was always just so tantalizing 'cause it was like the brightest object in the hallway. - That's so cool. - It's like a way point, you just want to go near it. - Even as an adult, there have been times when I've just been dozing off daydreaming and I've been on the tube and you know the tube, for some reason when something is even more protected, my mind goes,

- That just means you should do it more, right? 'Cause the tube has this like, in the London Tube, they have this big casing around the like stop, I can't remember. - The emergency stop. - The emergency stop. They have this big casing that you literally have to pull up and you know, it's either another press or another pull down, I don't remember. But I always remember the big casing that you had to pull up and I've caught myself subconsciously actually like-

- I was like almost opening it, just out of like intrusive thoughts. And I immediately put it back. - Shitting on the floor, fucking playing with this. What are you doing buddy? Are you good? - Why are you like teasing yourself? - I don't know. - My intrusive thoughts, man. - Oh my God. - So it's not that, there is a...

it's on every like tube station. - Right, right. - And I think it might be a big red button, but there's always a plastic casing that you need to like flip up. - I've also had this as well for, you know when you're on a flight and like right underneath your seat, there's like that tab to pull open the life vest. I'm like, damn, I wonder what that feels like.

- Don't pull that. - It always like tickles the back of my foot. I'm just like, it feels so good to just yank that shit.

- All right, so here's the real question. Who do you think should be charged the $600 fine for this? - No one. - I mean, no one. - Is this something the taxpayers do? - It's an honest mistake. - Is this something us as the taxpayers do? Do we have to pay for other children's intrusive thoughts? - We need those services there and that's the risk that we run. - I mean, look, the taxpayers are already paying for bullshit every day. Like this is just another one. - Yeah, I'm way more concerned with the other ways that my money's being spent. - Yeah, exactly. - Just the $600 fine. - Yeah. - Yeah, whatever.

- That's fine. - Alternative solution. - What now? - What if we had a system where kids actually have a permanent record of stupid shit that they did as a kid. - No, that's bad. - But it gets taxed when they reach adult age. - Dude, everyone will be broke.

- Because no matter how innocent of a childhood people claim to have, everyone's done some dumb shit. - This reminds me, there was like a post on Mildly Infuriating where this guy was complaining that his, he's like, "Wow, look, my kid broke another one of my TVs." And all the comments are roasting him. They're like, "Why did you put the second TV in the exact same spot with nothing changed?" And they're like, "Why are you surprised that your kid ruined the TV?" - Also Garnt, I think you just described like a George Orwell

It's like a post-apocalyptic. This is how the government fucking takes out money by monitoring us as children. - No, 'cause I always thought, did you guys have permanent records in school? - No. - What do you mean? - Did you go to prison? - Huh?

- Did you go to prison? - No, did you guys not have this like mythical thing that was like a permanent record? - No. - Which wasn't actually a permanent record, but it was just like, "Ooh, if you do something super bad, it's going on your permanent record." - No, that's just some bullshit the teachers say to scare the kids. - Yeah, I realize that now, but there was this like mythical thing for me as a kid where I was just like, "Shit." - Really?

- Even me as a kid was like, "Sir, you're capping." - "Sir, you are capping." - "Sir, you're capping." That doesn't exist. - I remember thinking like, "Oh, what if my permanent records, do they go on your fucking resume or some shit like that? What the fuck is this?" And then I realized, "Oh, this is just some bullshit they told the kids

- That was, I mean, there's a real permanent record out there and- - Yeah, there's one as an adult. - Yeah, it's called being on the police record. That's the real permanent record. - Maybe that's what it was. It was like the teachers after they would graduate, they would send it off to the police and being like, keep this shit on file. And then, you know, the first time you actually get a police record, the police can be like,

- See you shit yourself on A-Z. - I would rather just take my crime. - So you pulled the fire alarm when you were six years old. - You still owe this $600 from what we're pulling. - Oh, I see that you pissed on the street corner when you were drunk.

- All right. - Yeah, I would be 100% broke. - Next up we have a confession. I intentionally sent a bikini picture to my old boss and pretended it was an accident.

- Okay. - I have a confession to make that's been weighing on me. About a year back, I intentionally sent a bikini picture to my old married boss, but I pretended it was an accident. I cringe every time I think about it. I had this idea that if he saw the picture, he might take an interest in me outside of work, but because I was too afraid to approach him directly, I pretended it, oh my God, I pretended I sent it, I pretended I tried to send it to a friends with benefits and sent it to him instead.

He never said anything about it, but I did feel like he looked at me differently after. Am I a bad person? Has anyone ever done something like this? How did you deal with the aftermath? - I like how she ended it with, has anyone else done something like this? - It's just me? - Am I a bad person? - So you basically faked sending a sexy picture of yourself to a married taken boss because you were interested in them.

- What were you hoping for? - Yeah. That he was gonna like bust down the door and be like, "Take me now." It's like, nah, whatever. - There is,

no parts of the story that makes you look good. Unfortunately, I mean, I'm on out to say this. - I mean, dude sent dick pics too. I think that's a lot worse if I'm being honest. - Yeah, I wonder how differently this would be if this was just like a guy sending a dick pic to,

to a female coworker. I'm pretty sure- - Yeah, it'd be like sexual harassment if it was the other way around. - Yeah, yeah. - And then, I mean, this certainly is sexual harassment, but I feel like it gets waved away because- - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm sure the boss was just like- - That's literally the common FYI, the sexual harassment. Yes. - Yeah.

- Yeah, messing with a married man is kind of- - Yeah, just like don't even cross that path, man. - Yeah. - There's plenty of fish in the sea. - May I introduce you to someone at the Cheesecake Factory though? I feel like you might have more chance. I feel like you might have more chance finding your soulmate at the Cheesecake Factory, married men in your office. You are playing with fire. - The dogs at the Cheesecake Factory.

- Don't trust the servers at the Cheesecake Factory. - Or become the server yourself. - Or become the server yourself. That is a dream job. - Shall we do one last confession? - Go for it. - Okay, okay. - This one's... "I pretended I was deaf, so I didn't have to talk to the candy seller."

This is like a Junji Ito story. I know ASL would like to point that out. I was walking into a store and saw a teen going around the parking lot selling candy. I really didn't want to engage with him, so I just kept walking. They approached me and started talking, so I paused immediately and began signing that I was deaf. I thought that if I indicated I couldn't hear, they would leave me alone. Didn't work. They kept pushing me and asking if I was interested, but again, I kept signing and indicated I couldn't hear them.

Eventually they gave up and walked away. Still don't feel good about it. - I mean, okay. Not exactly the best thing to do, but is this any different to pretending any bilinguals out here, pretending you don't understand English and just replying- - Oh bro, I have done this.

- I cannot pretend to not understand English. Look at me. I'm the most British specimen. - Unfortunately, Connor can't get away with it. - I can 100% get away with it in Japan. And I have many times. Every time. - I don't think it's that bad. If you know sign language, I mean. - Yeah, I mean, this is basically just being bilingual except your second language is just sign language.

- It reminds me of that vine of the guy who did like the same thing to the Jehovah's witness person. Have you seen that one? - No. - Where it's like the woman comes up, she's like Jehovah's witness and the guy's just like, you know, starts doing like fake stuff and she's like, "Oh, you're deaf?" And he's like, "Oh, okay, well you have a good day." And he's like, "Okay, you too." He's like, "Mother fucker."

- So yeah, this has happened so many times. Again, I've done it like whenever there's like a fucking random like sales person or someone who's trying to pitch me shit who comes to my door, I'm just like, oh, sorry, I don't understand Japanese and I just go away. - I just simply ignore them.

- I don't. - Yeah, just ignore them as well. You could also do that. - Just ignore. - At least you know ASL, that's a plus. - That's impressive. - Not a dick. - Unfortunately, your biggest problem was that they didn't know ASL. - It would be so funny if they knew ASL. - It's like, "Oh, word?" It's like, "Shit."

but hope you enjoyed all the sins and confessions. Let us know down below who was the most diabolical. - Yes. That's not over because we're gonna be judging some of your confessions on our Patreon. - That's right. First of all, look at all these patrons on the screen right now. - Lovely, beautiful patrons. - I'm sure you guys have some

of horrendous confessions that you haven't publicly said. You should hold onto them though and join us again right after this video where we judge your guys over on the Patreons confessions. But hey, if you wanna check that out and a whole lot more exclusive content while supporting the show then head on over to patreon.com/trashtaste. Also follow us on Twitter, send us some memes on the subreddit and if you hate our face, listen to us on Spotify.

And may the Lord bless all of you for today. May your sins be forgiven. And we will see you all in the next episode. Bye. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. With Indeed sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates.

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