Woody Harrelson | Club Random with Bill Maher
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This should take care of the first half hour. No, these are clove cigarettes, Woody. I don't know if you know about what they're doing with clove cigarettes lately. The clove's my favorite. Unbelievable. I don't know what they've been putting. I've been, obviously I've made a big mistake all these years with marijuana because I would never smoke marijuana on a show like this. But these clove cigarettes,

They must have developed something in the lab. I hope it wasn't that Wuhan place where there's so much trouble coming out of. I'm glad you brought the clove because I don't smoke anymore. Did you know that?

How many times have I heard this? No, I don't smoke any less. You're going to let me finish. No, I actually, I did quit, man. Yeah, I quit. You quit many times. Well, I haven't had any since noon, I swear to God. And that's not a, and that's. Yeah, I quit. I quit quitting. Anyway. No, but you know what? A lot of jokes to be made. On and off.

is not a bad way to do. - That's true. - Because-- - I did quit for a good while. - Do you think, I mean, now we're gonna smoke this clove cigarette which goes into our lungs. Look, we're both in our late 30s now. Do you think-- Do you think there's any chance

that we're hurting ourselves because I know we're both people who are very interested in health. You look amazing, by the way. You look fantastic. Thanks for saying that. I saw you with one of your boyfriends. Probably with McConaughey or something where the paparazzi. You were on a yacht or something. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing on a yacht?

Mad at the people. Well, you know, I try to help people spread their footprint out, lighter footprint. I try to do that. On a yacht? It's going to be a heavier footprint unless I'm there. Then it lightens it by, you know, one person anyway. But what was the yacht deal? I don't get it. It was for Guy O'Seary. Got a yacht for his 50th birthday. Holy moly. Right. I don't know what's in it. Oh.

What the hell? And that's our show. Oh, geez. Do you remember that joint that we had that was this long? And I showed it, the picture on the, we show it in our highlight reel every week where I show you that picture of you and I with that hysterical look on our face. And I'm like, this is you when you're quitting. And you're like, here's you when you're smoking. Yeah, no, it's true. During one of your many interregnums.

Well, yeah, because I recently did quit. I quit for four months or something. I didn't smoke. That is a very smart thing. And people were like, and I wasn't drinking. And people were like, you know, you're not as fun. And I'm like, geez, that's a, you know. And that's what your thing illustrated with that picture. None of us are as much fun. Why do you think we do it? To be less fun? Yeah.

To enjoy life less? Let's do drugs. It'll make life worse, said no one ever. No, but why we do it? Because not that you need kids. I've said this a million times. You do not need drugs to have a good time. But why take chances? That's what I tell the kids. Listen to your Uncle Bill and your Uncle Wood. We are the perfect, like, you know, role model uncles, right? Right.

No. I mean, you are much more of a perfect role model. I mean, you're a great family man. Yeah. You know? Well, thank you. Well, it's true. I mean, I've always thought that you have such a wonderful marriage, the key must be being on location 250 days a year. No, that's funny you brought that up because someone asked the wifey-poo,

"What do you think is the secret to y'all's long marriage?" And she goes, "Well, we spent a lot of time apart." I says, "Honey, first of all, I'm right here. You couldn't have come on with 'I just love him in spite of his faults' anything other than we spent a lot of time together." That had to be the number one on the-- That's what every married couple says.

Well, that is true. It does help because it's like magnets, you know, as attracted as they are, if they're together too much, too often, too long, they fall apart. They do? Magnets? Yeah. The attraction eventually ceases and then boom. Is that scientific fact that you learned? Well, no, I mean, that is a true thing that happens.

I'm just asking. I don't remember covering this in science class, but I'm just asking. So magnets, after a while, lose their attraction and fall apart? Yeah. Eventually that does happen. Wow. Anyway, it's just an analogy. And what are the repercussions? I mean, where are magnets used where I have to worry that they're about to fall apart? It's nothing that will affect my balls, is it? Yeah.

But when people say, you know, what makes a good marriage? You're overthinking it. You know what makes a good marriage? The two people in it are good people. Yeah, that's true. That's what it is. The ones I know that are good, oh, he's great and she's great. And what's going to make a good marriage for you, Bill? I mean, what's your top five? I think that bus has sailed. Yeah.

Dude, for sure. I can't ever see you getting married. I just can't see it. Well, no. And again, that ship has... That's way out to sea by now. You could hang out with some gal, like, you know, just blows your mind. Well, just the fact that you say hang out with some gal says that we're both too old to be beginning marriage. To say gal... Oh, I think this is your 1942s. Yeah, I think me and...

Ann Miller, I'm going to start an intense affair. Oh, is that? That's tequila. What are you making? I was going to give you, do you want some of this? Yes, I'm going to have it. What are you trying to fuck me? I'm trying to. Jesus Christ. Wow, yeah. Let's see how evening develops, Bill. Don't start right out with it. Here, let me give you. Okay, that's funny. No, there was a lot of ice, a lot of ice. So anyway, you're on the yacht with your boyfriend. You...

Boyfriends. I said boyfriends. Okay, go ahead. Because, yeah, because you have many, I mean, you are the king of the bromance, I got to tell you that.

Do they get jealous of each other? There's a lot of men I love. A lot of men I love. I know. You're one of them. I know I am. I don't flatter myself to think I'm first in line in your harem, but I know I have a special place in it. But do they ever get jealous of each other? That's the question I ask. Does McConaughey and Owen Wilson, is it going to come to Owen Wilson sadly murdered in his home today by an irate Matthew McConaughey and a lover spat?

That is... No, but like everybody you ever work with winds up being your asshole lifelong buddy, right? I don't know. I've been to parties like your... And it's like everybody you ever... Salma Hayek is there and the Farrelly brothers. It's like an IMDB of your whole career is the party because everybody you ever work with always wants to like stay pals forever.

With a good old Woody. Take the compliment. That's kind of you to say. It's true. I don't know anybody else like that in show business. Everybody they ever worked with. I mean, every time I see you, I mean, who's coming over tonight? People you just worked with, right? That's true, yeah. That's always the way it is. See, we were supposed to have dinner tonight, but then because we were doing this and I didn't want to stop hanging out with you because I did this, as you know, just to hang out with you. I appreciate it. You're a busy man.

A very busy man. Are you having a terrible time? I'm having a good time. Well, then shut up about it. I'm not kicking it. It's not me kicking it because I'm doing it. I'm glad to do it. Good. I'm glad you're here and I appreciate it. But, you know, I don't usually get high and do an interview. That never happens. I would hardly call this an interview.

Well, okay, it's a talk. It's you and me talking. It's exactly what we would be doing if there was no podcast being made. So, all right, so you're on this yacht.

I'm fascinated by this yacht. Well, you know, I'm not a yacht guy. I'm not a boat guy. But I try to roll with things. And Guy O'Seary, he invited me. He's a big manager. He's Madonna's manager? Yeah, he has his own. He's got a lot of stuff going. He has a big party after the Oscars. He's actually a brilliant, brilliant guy. I don't know him at all. I know he has the big party after the Oscars.

Everybody who can goes to that party, which must tell me he's quite the mocker because if everybody who can on Oscar night goes to his party, yeah, that's quite a feather in your cap. I was there, but you didn't come. Wasn't invited. I wasn't on the yacht either. Which is...

You know, you really, you have FOMO. I never took you as a FOMO guy. What's a FOMO? You know, fear of missing out. I'm a serious FOMO guy. No, no. Would you like to get on a yacht? You asked me a direct question. I gave you a direct answer. Okay, go ahead. I would never get on a yacht. I hate fucking boats.

They're just terrible to me. And why do you hate boats? Just what they symbolize? Because they're on water, which is not my natural habitat. You don't like water. And if something bad happens... So the water is the baseline. Well, if something bad happens to the boat, I have a much less chance of surviving on this particular type of terrain that's on Earth. I'm so into land. So what are the odds that something happens? On a boat? Yeah, give me the odds.

Right. No boat ever sunk. You're right. Give me the odds. I don't know. I mean, you're driving in Los Angeles. Is it worse than driving? Or is the odds worse or more, more or less than driving in Los Angeles? Oh, I think they're way worse on a boat. Yes, way worse.

That can't be true, dude. Well, you know what? We don't know. We're talking about our... How often do you hear of a boat going down? Meanwhile, you hear about people dying in car accidents, you know, every day. No, you don't. There's something like 35,000 car accident deaths a year. You don't hear about any of them unless they make the news. And how many boat accidents? How many death by boat? Is it, what, three? Plainly, neither one of us knows what the answer is to either of these questions. Okay, I mean, we're

I know. I'm just saying. You know, maybe these guys in the background, I don't even know where the...

But maybe these guys in the background are just looking up that stuff right now. Maybe they'll just... It's not that kind of show. Like I said, it's exactly what we would be doing if we were here without cameras, which is not having the information we need to be having the argument we're having. Because we're just getting high. But when somebody does this study, it will be interesting what the answer is. Because I think the chances of surviving on a boat...

are way less, but maybe that is paranoia about water. So you're not a swimmer at all? You don't like to get... I can swim, but I would rather walk because I'm so into land and I find it easier. And the breathing thing, I find is a big asset that I can breathe.

Which you can't do underwater? Not underwater, no. You wouldn't do the Wim Hof thing, would you? Wim Hof, such an interesting guy. Love Wim Hof. You do? I love him. You want to tell who Wim Hof is? This fellow, when he was a kid, twice he was found outside...

had fallen asleep and would have been died of hypothermia if he wasn't found. He's Danish, right? He's, no, he's Dutch from the Netherlands. Yeah, Dutch. And then when he's like, I can't remember all the details, but like he's like 11, 12, 13. He's out, it's in the winter and he's looking at a lake and I believe it's nighttime. And he says, I'm going in that lake.

And he goes in the fucking lake. Whoever would think that? Who is going to think? You're not going to think that. I'm not going to. He goes in the lake and he stays for like a minute. And so he started doing this shit regularly until he could stay longer and longer and like several minutes. And

I don't know what he's up to now, but he's set every record. And now every, because of this crazy guy who everyone thought was just out of his mind when all this was happening, every sports team, every major sports team does it now. Oh, is that right? Cold Plunge? Madonna does it, Icebat. Madonna does it after a concert for sure. He climbed Mount Everest in shorts and Vice did a piece on him.

And they had the kids there who were like in their 20s, you know, who were on the story. And he challenged them to do what got him where he is with Cold. And they did it and they all found, oh yeah, he's right. And what it really is, is just extreme breathing. Like the basic one is like three sets of 30 breaths.

Where you're taking in a lot of oxygen, right? Yeah. But that's just the basic. But that's basically what he's doing. Well, you do that, and then you hold your breath for a minute, and then you do another 30 deep breaths, hold your breath for a minute and a half, and then take one deep breath in and hold for 15 seconds, and then you do the cycle. I did it this morning. It's phenomenal. Oh, really? It's amazing. And you're going into cold?

No, I didn't do the cold. I did that breathing. No, but the breathing enables you then to withstand the cold. So have you done the cold part? Yeah, I've done the cold part. And is it easy to do? Fuck no, it ain't easy to do. Fucking freezing balls. It's worse than a little magnet nut. Is that right? Yeah. But I thought that was the whole point of it, is that when the breathing has the desired effect on your body...

then you won't feel the cold. That's how he was able to climb Mount Everest in shorts. Well, I think that there's a guy like that can literally put it out of his mind. Same way David Blanken just hold his breath for 10 minutes and just put it out of his mind that he's in desperate need of a breath, you know. Yeah. It's the same thing with him and the cold. They used to think that the time that you could go without breathing maximum was four minutes.

They said, more than that, and you will become mentally retarded from it. Yeah. And now the record is closer to 20. Hold it. Is that with the oxygen record? No, no. No, just not breathing. For 20 minutes? Almost 20 minutes, I believe, yes. I mean, there's these... Hold it. I think, because one's oxygen-assisted and one is without, right? And the one without, I thought it was more like nine minutes.

And I thought the oxygen assist was like 22 minutes maybe. It's a crazy... I don't think it's... But then there's the guy who... If you're having an assist, then you're... Hey, did you watch Last Breath? No. What is it? Oh, my God. It's this guy ends up underwater. He was with a crew that was fixing some gas stuff, underwater structure. Out in the North Sea, somehow the boat got wrenched away and he got like...

And he gets left, and the boat's, all of its computer shit's gone out, and the line has snapped, which was his oxygen line, his comm line, all of that. And he's just left there. I shouldn't really talk about what happens in this. I'm going to do the movie, by the way. Oh, wow. But he was underwater much longer than you could possibly imagine before he got assistance.

without oxygen. Right.

Well, again, I thought it was closer to 20 minutes. And I don't know what you're talking about with this oxygen assist. If you have oxygen assist, then it's not doing this thing of not breathing. No, no, no. They do this thing where they breathe oxygen for a while and then they hold their breath. Oh, I see. Before they go down. Before they... No, I don't think... Yeah, without breath. I just saw a thing on 60 Minutes of a guy who goes, I think they said, don't hold me to it, like 36 stories beneath. He goes down on a single rope.

It's called like deep diving or something. And it's this kind of thing without a tank. And it's just unbelievable what people can do or why they would want to. I mean, whoa, why put yourself that close to buying the farm? Some people are just... It's the exhilaration, I think. Of course, it must be. Because a lot of those guys, I mean, think about just those guys who do the big waves.

Man, they're ballsy, those guys. You're talking about the surfers? Yeah. Oh. You don't surf, do you? Yeah, I do surf. You do? Small kind. Small kind. What? Small kind. What's that? What? You know, I'm not into those crazy waves that happen. But you have a surfboard? I never... Yeah. I thought you should because you're so associated with Hawaii. Well, Texas and Hawaii.

Hopefully both. Yeah. Because I love them both. You are one of the few people like that who represents the two parts of America, but without hating each other or polarizing, you know, rednecks like you and hippies like you. Well, that's one of the most flattering things you've ever told me. And intellectuals like yourself, which really makes me happy.

A couple others, yeah. No, it's true. But it's more impressive, the redneck and hippie thing, because, you know, very few things are not like my team or your team, you know, red team or blue team. I'm kind of a redneck hippie, if I'm honest. That's what I just said. Well, you were talking about the two sides of...

But I'm saying of myself, I'm a redneck hippie. Were you saying that about me? Well, I don't know if you're a... No. No, I was saying you represent. I thought that you were. Although you are a bit of a redneck. But I mean, that's okay. But in a very good way. There's nothing wrong with being a redneck or being almost anything. I'm an alpha male. But so are you, dude. Yes, I am.

You're a definite alpha. Well, thank you. You want to just take it off of this thing? Is that a real candle? Yeah. That's a real candle. Now that was something I would have on tape from college days. Is that a real candle? Yeah, it's a real candle. When I was starting out in college, thinking of being a comedian, I used to have a little tape recorder everywhere I went.

And when we'd get stoned like this, I would just tape everything. Oh, I got to hear one of those tapes immediate. Immediate. Dude. Immediate. Where are they? Where are the tapes? Where are the tapes? I'd be so afraid to listen. Aren't you afraid of remembering what you were when you were 20? Oh, fuck. I don't know. I think I was a pretty good guy at 20. Really? Yeah. Oh, I guess you're more advanced than me.

I think I was just an insufferable idiot. Really? 20? Well, I know you saw what you had after, and I can confirm you're on track there. Well, some people are like... No, I've always liked you, dude. What, are we going to sing now?

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What do you mean everything? Like everything, like, you know, I really didn't like have a show or like that kind of notoriety until I was almost 40.

You know, whereas you were like... You mean politically incorrect? Yeah, right. You feel like that's when you became... Well, yeah, I mean, it's your first national thing. Yeah. You know, having a regular national gig. Right, right, right. You know. But like you were on a... You were like a household name before you were 30. That's a big difference in, you know, where your mind is. Yeah, that is a bit of a life alter. Well...

Until you make it, you're worried that you will. It's a great relief to like, you know. Oh, for sure. Yes, right? Are you kidding? I mean, you know, just like jumping up and down, fist pumping, just so psyched about great things that happen, you know. Yeah, you feel like you're the Beatles in 1963, you know. You're just, yeah. Wow.

I never had that delusion, but... No, not to that level. But it is. It's just a weird phenomenon, fame. And it's like, unless you've been through it, it's very hard to explain it, right? Impossible. Impossible. It's like acid. You have to either do it or...

Yeah. You can't explain an acid. And so, but now, it's such a, everybody wants to be famous, you know? And is. Like we wanted to be famous. And is. What do you mean? Well, I mean, social media is all about fame.

you know, spreading out the fame quotient. I mean, there's just many more people who are quote-unquote famous because they have followers. You know, there's tons of people you have never heard of, but your kids know. And like if they walk through a casino, like you'd see 12 people walk up to them, but they're on TikTok. You have no idea who they are. I have no idea who they are. And they have no idea who I am.

Everybody knows you because, you know, you have... I don't know the test. Oh, yes. Oh, please. You're in, like, the ape movie. You know? Yes. Even the kids know you, which, again, is a real feather because everything is so, like, you know, divided that way by age group. You know, we just don't mingle them together. And...

Yeah, there's pop stars that, like, where they start, like on, you know, some, it's just like models who are, that used to be like a thing, okay, the most amazing looking women. Now it's like all nepotism. Is it? Yes, I think. It's like Kardashian and like if you're linked to somebody or the daughter of somebody or, you know, those are the models. They're pretty. Yeah.

But it's like, it's all because social media controls everything. Isn't that why you gave up your phone? You don't have a phone. Yeah, that's true. Right? You thought it was addictive or something. Well, I used to do these little, you know, surveys. If you could go back to the 80s, not literally, but suddenly you're in a time when, you know, nobody has these devices.

If you need to get in touch with people, you call them, and if they're not there, you leave a message. Right. Now, there's some benefits you're going to miss, but would you want to give it up, or would you want to keep your phone? You're making me answer that question? Yeah. Yeah. I'm addicted like everybody else. It would be very hard. I mean, if you said to me, like, you could solve global warming tomorrow if we give up the phone,

I'd probably say, how bad is it going to be? Some of it gets a little hot and you can't stand the heat. What's your problem? It was delightful today. That's all I'm saying. Just delightful. Thank God all these beloved oil companies are looking after us, man. Beautiful day. Also because I'm of an age where, like,

I want to enjoy, you know, the years we have left, because there's not as many. We used up a lot of them, you know. Well, I'm going to $1.80, so I don't know where you're going to stop. You think that's actually possible? Yeah. $180? I mean, eventually I'm going to have to give this shit up, probably. Honestly, I think the same way. Not $180. I just think, because it helps you psychologically,

If you're 66, to think, oh, okay, if I could live to 100, that's 34 years. People do. In 34 years, they won't have figured out death? You know, that makes it easy to, like, do the things that you sacrifice,

for fun, for your health. You know, you could have pizza and cake, but you're like, no, because I want to, you know, try to like stave off this monster that's chasing me, which is age, is a monster that is always chasing you. And eventually it will catch up to you, even you, with all the sprouts you eat. Well, we're going down a morbid road, but I will say this. Uh,

There's only one thing ever been proven to reverse aging, ever. You know, Ponce de Leon, Fountain of Youth, all that shit, all the search for the ultimate fountain of youth. There's only one thing. Do you know what it is? No. Reduction of caloric intake.

Right, and they did this study with all these different mammals independent studies And they all found basically the same thing if you cut down your caloric in day intake by 40 to 60 percent You increase your lifespan from 60 to 80 percent in all of these different monkeys dogs They did this one study do right humans do it now I'm just saying the studies that they did all right right and they found this these independent studies so

If, why are we, you know, I love what you said last week, Dave. Fucking great. Thank you. It's important, you know, because we're not hearing that from our health officials. You know, from Dr. Fauci. Nobody's saying, you know, eat healthy. I have to tell you, I get so, for things like that, I get so much shit.

That sometimes the emails you send me are really so encouraging. I appreciate it. Well, dude, you're so brave and I applaud you for it. Because there's this stamping out in the mainstream media of anything that is derogatory to the national narrative. The press narrative. The mainstream narrative. And you always buck that trend and you go against it, dude. You're heroic to me. Thank you.

No, look, I couldn't agree with you more. I'm not trying to start a big fight about this. I'm just saying that point of view is kind of the love that dare not speak its name. So when I get your email or something, it means a lot to me. That's all. Gee whiz. Well, thank you. Yes, no. I mean...

I just, you know, dude, I'm worried about the way media is trending. And, you know, you know about the Trusted News Initiative, right? Sounds familiar. The Trusted News Initiative was begun before the last election because the whole idea being to

stop subversion by foreign powers. Who started it? And it was started by the BBC, but the New York Times, every Facebook, every, all mainstream media, right? Huge. Was this because of COVID?

This is before COVID. COVID, okay. This is to stop foreign interference in our elections. Oh, I see. Who can say it's a bad thing? It's stopping Russia from interfering with our... This is great. Right, I get it. And it's every big... I mean, it's... Yes. Everyone. It's Twitter. It's everyone. And so what they did was they made sure that there was nothing that entered mainstream media and could be heard by the masses.

that would affect the election. Well, anyway, after the elections they stayed together.

They didn't just stop after the election, after everything went smoothly. Then COVID. Huh? Then they focused on COVID. They focused on anything that suggested vaccine hesitancy. Right. They focused on anything to do adversely with 5G. Oh, yeah. Oh, well. They focused on anything that went against the narrative of the COVID and how it's caused and so forth. So-

There was just a blanket carte blanche. You can't... Those things don't enter mainstream media. Nothing derogatory. Like, I know I've sent you videos that they... No, I know. I talk about it all the time. They're just gone before you can... I've talked about it. I mentioned it. But that's the Trusted News Initiative. Yes. I mean, okay. I don't remember that title. There was something... There was like a...

A branch of the Homeland Security Office that they tried to open. Remember, this is only a few months ago, like the Office of Disinformation, I think. It was very Orwellian. They took it down in like two weeks because the outcry was so, it was so obviously Orwellian. You know, what is disinformation? And I mean, I had on the show tonight, this guy, Ross Douthat, he's a New York Times reporter.

columnist, conservative, but he's been on a lot. I like him personally. We don't agree on a lot politically. Serious Catholic. He got Lyme disease and wrote a book, which he was talking about. And it was a fascinating story to me because here's a guy who was more into mainstream Western medicine, got something the regular doctors couldn't figure out, and came out on the other end of it believing that

alternative medicine and the so-called weirdos on the internet, he said, actually did me more good than all the MDs. The first 10, he went to 10 doctors, doctors, in 10 days, the first 10 days, because when you get Lyme, it can just, it's just absolutely awful from, and it moves around. You know, one day it's a blinding headache and then it's a burning sensation on your skin and it moves and it's, it's obviously something in you. It's a demon in you.

And 10 doctors couldn't get it. I feel like I could have diagnosed that. And 10 of them said, "It's probably a lot of stress." Stress. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, boy, got that deadline and so, you know, I'm pissing blood or whatever. So I was just so glad to have him on too because I felt like here is a witness to the case I have been trying to prosecute on television all these years.

Not that I'm saying Western medicine is corrupt, although it is somewhat corrupt. We could go into that. Somewhat. But just that they are so in the dark about so much that they don't have the right to tell you how to treat your own personal medical issue. And to me, COVID is an issue. I should get to treat it the way I treat anything else.

Well, I have an issue with profiteering, you know. America's great at, I'll tell you, great at war. Great at war with other countries, powerful. Great at war with, you know, a microbe, a pathogen, a virus, a germ.

Well, if you'd spent even one-tenth or even, you know, just, I don't know, one-one-hundredth of that money that was spent combating that microbe on buying up, like,

You know, forest, you know. Right. You know what I mean? Like the lungs of the earth need to be protected and they're all for sale, right? Anyway, now I am high, dude, and I'm spouting off. Well, listen. I know everything we're saying is highly...

I mean, we haven't gotten too specific. I mean, we'll do this any way you want. But I think no one really should be able to get you for sticking to an overarching message of, because the crowd will applaud this, that Western medicine does not get the right to call it the science.

Because science is always changing. It's always debatable. They want to say, whatever we're saying is the science, which means anything else is you're a quack. Stick to the message of that's wrong. That's got to change. Because we have the evidence that it should change. Because they have been wrong about so much. Or they just don't know so much. Or how could people watch that movie about the opioid...

You know about the opioid, it was called Dope Sick, Michael Keaton. Oh, yeah, I heard that. It's great, yeah. Okay, so that's what that's about. Game strong, yeah. Well, the Sackler, I think, right, family, they own the pharmaceutical company that was purposely getting people hooked on these opioids.

which has killed hundreds of thousands of people. So, I mean, the pharmaceutical industry is capable of that. We all see that. But there wouldn't be something in, like, suggesting maybe more boosters than were necessary? That would be beyond what the pharmaceutical industry... We're still getting boosted right up to this very day. You know, like, I just... I find it ironic because I think Americans...

Most Americans, but maybe it's only, like I heard recently, a statistic, 33%, right? But I would think it's more. Like most Americans would not normally trust the government with helping them. Like what does the government actually do to help you? And they don't trust the city. They help big corporations, industry, all the people that got...

you know, got those people into Congress or ultimately to become president, those people all got to get taken care of. They don't trust the CDC Americans. We have the polling on this. Is that true? That is true. Okay, so here's the CDC promoting that we have to do all of these things, right?

I just, I don't like profiteering in war, you know? Think of the billions of dollars that have gone to big pharma. But I was getting back to my original point. The last people I would trust with my health...

is big pharma and big government, because neither one of those strike me as caring entities. Spoken as the perfect redneck hippie. Really. If that message doesn't... They're all about profit. Exactly. They're all about profit. And both sides know that. And it's a chain, the profit they've made. Well, again, and there's just a lot of money in selling medicine. I'm not saying some of it isn't necessary and some of it isn't...

helpful and has saved lives, but we should be able to, A, make decisions about our own personal health. I always say Obama said, if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. That was like the big selling point with Obamacare. Remember that? If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. And when it turned out like 2% of people weren't able to keep their doctor, of course the Republicans made it seem like it was...

the end of the world, when that was actually a pretty good percentage for doing something as big as Obamacare. Right? Okay. But I took that seriously. I do like my doctor, and I'm going to keep him. And I know plenty of doctors who have, let's just say, an alternate view of what the Dr. Fauci wing of medicine believes and would recommend. I should have the right to listen to those doctors. They are doctors.

Why are your doctors genius? You can see plenty of doctors on Twitter writing op-ed columns in newspapers and stuff who have a very alternative point of view that you and I would more agree with.

What? Their doc? It says MD. Sometimes MD and then some other fucking degree they have on the wall. Why? They have the same degree. If it's the magic formula to have the answers to have gone to medical school, and I'm not saying I know what doctors know who go to medical school, but if that was a magic formula, then why do they disagree with each other? If that one is the science, the science, and the science says people with a mask outside.

But see, this is the disparity. You know, like there's the germ theory and there's the terrain theory. We've discussed this many times. Well, you and I have, but we haven't discussed this. You're right, sir. People should know about that. The germ theory, which was kind of foisted on the public by a gentleman named Louis Pasteur.

who basically stole every good idea he never had from another guy named Antoine Béchamp. Béchamp believed in the terrain theory, and Pasteur believed in the germ theory, right? Can I just lay one bit of pipe here? Yeah. The germ theory, some people are going to think that means that they don't believe in germs. It's not that we don't believe it. The germs are real. We believe in germs are real. We just believe...

Well, okay. Right. But the germ theory is that like there's some, you know, Pasteur proclaimed that he knew this 1878 before the French Academy of Science. He says, I know that every disease...

It comes from these microbes that float through the air and just like land on your food or in your eyeball or something. The next thing you know, you're sick and maybe you die. And it enters, these germs enter pristine cells.

body, basically, internally. They enter your body and... But this is a part of the germ theory, that it's a pristine slate in there, and that these germs enter and they cause the havoc, okay? Well, this is the great thing about that. Now, this is the backbone of Western medicine, right? Including...

What is the culmination of vaccination? Yeah, viruses more with vaccines, but yeah, it can be both. Well, germ is a virus, right? Same thing. Well, no, they're two different organisms.

No, they aren't. A germ is just a broader term, which viruses, microbes, pathogens. Bacteria and viruses. And bacteria. It all falls under the heading of germs, right? But it's like an antelope and a kitten. I mean, a germ is not a virus. I mean, a bacteria is not a virus. But it's important. Bacteria is not a virus, is it? There's two different organisms.

No, but they're all germs. Germs is just the broader term. It's the umbrella term for all of these things, all of these specific things you're saying. I think of germs as bacteria. Like pathogens, I think, is the broader term for viruses. Right, but I'm saying those are all under the umbrella of germs. It's not that big a deal.

People are going to think we've been smoking pot. Well, we haven't. But anyway, I believe in the terrain theory. This is the main thing I want to get across. I believe in the terrain theory. I do too. Can I finish what I want to say? I don't want to interrupt your interruption, dude. I mean, are those ears strictly ornamental? Do you ever use them? Go ahead. Explain terrain theory. It's so important. The terrain theory is that...

What is important is the internal biological terrain. That is what determines one's health. The internal cleanliness or the internal filth. That filth generally originates in the colon or in the large and small intestine. When you're talking like what you said the other night about

Yes. The obesity and the tendency to just eat like it's Thanksgiving, but all the time. By the way, I've been doing it for the last two months. I was like, boy, you broadsided me with that. They didn't give me credit for at least opening the piece by saying, you know what? There are a couple of times a year when you can let yourself go.

I'm not a crazy person. It's the summer. You're on vacation. Do it now. The holidays, I get it. But all year round, I mean, is it like so fucking unreasonable, the things I'm asking for, honestly. But okay, can I make an analogy with terrain? Because it's, I'm sure you've heard it too. It's like mosquitoes in a swamp.

The terrain that Woody speaks of, that's the condition of your biome, your condition of your metabolic state because of how you handle your lifestyle. That's it. And it can be shitty or it can be good. If it's not good, if you eat fucking Pop-Tarts all day or whatever, you're going to be a swamp.

And the germs, pathogens, whatever you want to call them... Proliferate. Proliferate in a swamp, the way mosquitoes proliferate in a swamp. Mosquitoes can't breed if there's no swamp to breed in. So if you keep your body in pretty good non-swampy state, you don't have to fear the pathogens so much, and you won't have to take these, you know...

let's just say, exterior as opposed to interior solutions. I mean, staying away from people and vaccines. And yeah, there is a place for all of this. But to me, if we handled it, there was not even a suggestion that we handle this internally by making our immune systems stronger, not just with diet, but some basic things you can do, like instead of locking yourself away, get some sun.

I think they've done a lot of studies about vitamin D and how important it was when the people who had low levels, they were much more...

vulnerable to COVID. Why not tell people that? Can't you make money selling vitamin D? What's the worst that could happen? But that's just it, man. There was only one thing. Ivermectin got made into a horse tranquilizer, a horse whatever it is. Which it is, but also used by humans. It's used by millions and millions of humans. Millions.

Hydroxychloroquine got made ridiculous. And there was only one thing that could work, and that's the vaccine, right? And so ultimately, because of that, billions of dollars was made.

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ZipRecruiter.com slash random. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Did you know HBO Max had podcasts? Now go even deeper inside your favorite shows with audio companions to some of the most groundbreaking and award-winning shows on television. The HBO Max Movie Club is back for season two. Host Matt Rogers from the Las Culturistas podcast will once again be joined by filmmakers and celebrity friends as they dig deep into the HBO Max Movie Library.

The podcast covers the freshest new releases and the most beloved films from the HBO Max archive. You can listen to HBO Max Movie Club wherever you get your podcasts. There was a book about 2005, I think, Naomi Klein called The Shock Doctrine. I don't know if you recall it, but it was... I love Naomi Klein. Okay, big book of the year. Yeah. Because it was about how industry uses a crisis...

to then come in and make trillions. And her example was mostly Iraq. You know, Halliburton was selling, I'm sure, $30 sodas at the PX. And, you know, the Iraq war was very good for Halliburton. So that's the theory. But war generally is always very good to Halliburton. Yes, but like we didn't cause 9-11 to happen. But when it happened...

Once the crisis was upon us, that's when industry smells an opportunity to use the crisis to make a fortune. I'm saying... But do you not think that it was industry that got us into Iraq? Oil industry? Well, yeah. I think we're saying the same thing. Yeah.

So it's two in, there's a lot of profiteering going on. Yes, but the second Iraq war after, you know. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about too. When we were attacked not by Iraq, but then attacked Iraq in retaliation of the attack they never did against us. Not to mention Afghanistan, which never did anything against us.

At least bin Laden was in Afghanistan. You could kind of connect that dot a little. Right. But you think that's the reason we attacked Afghanistan? No, I think we should have gotten... Didn't have to do with those pipelines to the Caspian Sea. The pipelines go right through Afghanistan. Um...

Anyway... You think that's why we got into Afghanistan, to protect the pipelines? Well, I think that that whole play is all about oil. You know? Man, I don't know what's in these glove cigarettes, but it is working like a motherfucker. Do you think that those are not... I mean, I...

Are you naive enough to think? Do you think we go into war for anything other than resources? Yes, I do. Strategic? Yes, I do. Okay, we're going to go to World War II. Go ahead. No, no, not just World War II. We do go to war for other reasons. What do you think about Vietnam? Okay, but this is much more apropos to what I was saying. This is kind of the thesis of the shock doctrine, which I think why I like that book so much, because it's saying...

Kind of the opposite of what you're saying. Not that we always like purposely plan this. Industry plans this as a way to get. No. But when there is an opportunity which comes up because life is a fucked up place and shit happens, pandemics happen and other things, terrorism and from feuds that go back a thousand years.

You know, we went to Afghanistan because Bush is from Texas and you don't mess with Texas. And somebody attacked us and they tried to kill my daddy. And we're going to kick some Texas ass. That's much more than he didn't need money. You think it was that? You really think it was that? Absolutely it was that. It was nothing.

Do you think presidents don't, but first of all, you don't become president unless you bow and kiss the ring. And you get told what to do in scenarios like that. Believe me. You're talking to me like you're Michael Corleone and I'm Kay. Which I resent highly. Who's being naive, Kay? I would never lie to you. My father's no different than any other powerful man, a senator, a governor. Oh, Michael, you're so naive.

Who's being naive, Kay? Now that's dialogue. Oh my God. I mean, did you watch The Offer? The what? The Offer. It's on Paramount+. No. It's awesome. What is it? It's the first one I watched where I was like binging something. It's about the making of The Godfather.

Oh, I was just looking at a book about that. Really good. Is it amazing? Yes. What's it called? The Offer. You know, like, I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. Yeah. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. Yeah. That's good. So I have to bring my son Michael back to Sicily, and if he should hang himself in his jail cell...

Put a bullet in his brain. Then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room. And then I do not forgive. Isn't it ridiculous the way men, all men, it's like our Bible, and women, I can't, women don't watch this movie. Really? Yes. Yes. Women will not watch The Godfather. I think they're just fucking with us. I just think, I think they're fucking with us. It's a way to fuck with us. They will not watch The Godfather. Yeah.

You call me all the time, I thought I was worrying. I know. You asked me for this favor. Wow. That's really a dead-on brando. I thought you were doing a dead-on brando. No, I lost it. You were doing some dueling brandos.

Yeah. Now, the guy who does Brando, I mean, he's in the movie. It's not a big part. It's perfect. It's just about how and there the amount of actual hairy shit that happened with the real mafia, who, as you might recall, did not want the movie to get made.

Yeah, but the producer went and talked to him or something? That's what, like, an eight-part miniseries is all about. The producer went and talked to them. Yes, I mean, it's all about... Oh, but there must have been a lot of build-up, obviously. Well, it's all about... Because they were getting blocked from this, that, and the other. You remember Robert Evans? Yeah, yeah. Who was a... I mean, for people like us who actually knew him, and what a character. What a character. And this guy who does him...

Fantastic. Only a British actor could do it this good. He looked like him, he sounded like him. It was perfect. And then the lead guy who played Al Reddy, I remember seeing that name on the credits in The Godfather when I've seen it the 10 million times I've seen it, and I'm like, who's this guy? Is this a limited series? It's like eight episodes or something, yeah. It's great.

And Miles Teller plays Al Ruddy. And I was kind of agnostic on Miles Teller. He always was playing a very young guy. And I'd be like, okay, he's a good guy. Okay, whatever. He's good. Now he's a man. And he did this part. He's perfect. I give him five stars for this.

Yeah, he's a good actor. And my prediction is you'll be doing a movie with him in exactly 19 months because... No, we had talked about this project. Oh, he's your new boyfriend. I met him. He's your new boyfriend. They're getting younger. Oh, no. I got to text McConaughey. I know. I really get a hint of jealousy from you, dude. It's so unlike you. I'm not jealous. I didn't expect...

I just love the way you... Dude, I have other friends. I love them just as much as you. I'm not jealous. I love them just as much as you. I don't want to be on your fucking boat. With your reduced calorie... Oh.

I'm so glad I remembered that. Yes, I wanted to get back to that. I need to reduce the galleries, dude. I've been on, I thought about it. I'm in my summer mode, right? How long does summer go before you got to start tightening them? Oh, well, you're so active. You know, you can, I mean, you always look like you just came from a soccer game and you probably did. I remember you showing up here without shoes on.

Like now. Did you have any shoes when you came in? I remember you coming in. You would like show up at my house in bare feet, unannounced. Like I'm Huckleberry Finn and you're Tom Sawyer. You got them laughing back there, dude. Finally, the little chuckle. We've been so serious.

Wow, look at that. And what are your new projects? You're on the Ed Shmoinahed show. What? I hear you collect toy trains. Oh.

No. Did you pour something in here? Did you? No, really. What are you talking about? Did you pour liquor in there, or did I dream that? I can't use this ice. It's not melting fast enough.

Okay. At least you're not a denialist. You're not going to be hurt if I... I can't believe you did that, dude. Why? Why was that ice... Mr. Shortcut. Why was that particular ice so important to you? You shortcutted the melting. There you go. Hey, before I forget, seriously, this thing about reduced calorie...

that you were talking about. You know that there are people who are doing that right now. They believe that they will live to 150. Right. They're almost like... What do you mean? They're just reducing their caloric consumption or they're fasting sometimes. They are certainly vegetarians, but there are a couple of subway stops past that. You know, like a meal is like a bowl of lettuce. You know, it's really strict.

They believe, and I think they might. And of course, the immediate joke for everyone is like, but who would want to? But it's a good joke because it comes from the reality. I mean, yes, you probably could live another 50 years past what we would normally live on, like our best kind of life.

But is it worth it? Because food, like I'm not a foodie. I mean, you can't be a foodie and be healthy if food is that important. So I'm lucky in that way. But to not have any food. That's the luckiest thing because most people are foodies. I'm a foodie.

I eat too much, dude. I've seen you a billion times. You don't eat too much. I do eat too much. I eat too much. What foods are you overeating?

It doesn't matter that it's healthy food. It does matter. If you overeat, you still overeat. I can't even have this discussion. I mean, what if I overeat, you know, 20 times the 20 salads instead of having, you know, five salads? You see how that would be...

It's not that that's all I eat. No, I don't. But I've also eaten quite a lot of cooked food, and I believe in the enzymatic value of non-cooked food. I think you just must have eaten peyote because that's such a preposterous point you're trying to make. Of course it matters what you eat or overeat.

It does. Sickness is about congestion in the body. When you get sick, no, dude, you believe this. It's congestion in the body. And when you get sick, it's your body asking you to cleanse itself. Yes. That's exactly what's going on. But it is important to acknowledge also that not everything that goes wrong with someone's health is because of something they could or should have done.

Lots of things go wrong with people's health that is not at all their fault. I will grant you that. Thank you. Absolutely. All right. Absolutely. That's so important to me. I totally agree with you. Okay. There are those anomalies, but generally what you're doing in your life. It's a little more than an anomaly.

Children get cancer. They didn't do anything to deserve it kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? It's more than an anomaly that lots of health things can happen because as much as the religious people would like to call it intelligent design, it's not really that intelligently designed in a lot of ways.

And a lot of shit. I know many people who got cancer and cleanse as a way of healing themselves from what was called cancer. And many others tried that and died. It has happened both ways. But it's not. You and I are not going to agree on this subject. It is not a. Because. So the statement cleansing is a reliable way to cure cancer. No. Okay. Cleansing is a reliable way to counteract any disease.

Well, like... So cancer. To me, fasting is one of the most important things you can do if you're getting sick. I fast like...

Three or four times a year. Okay. Well That's what animals do in the wild, you know, they they they start to get sick. They fast they drink water It's also how it's a natural thing to do if you have a problem in your pipes Well, then you got at least turn off right in flux of the shit coming in before you can Address what's going on? Right, but people keep eating the shit. I

And people, I know many people who would not want to change their lifestyle if that's what it took to get well. I know people like that, too. They're called Americans.

Anyway. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm getting up on my soapbox. I don't want to be that guy, dude. I'm sorry. You don't have to be sorry. And like you said before, there's a lot of truth about health that does not get out there in America. It is a fucking very cloistered room.

where we talk about medicine in America. So I, for one, don't apologize at all for trying to open a window. Well, no, look, I want to say Western medicine is great if you break your ankle or you have some kind of acute thing. Right. But

in treating disease, it seems to be like three ways they address it. One is surgery. Pharmaceutical. Another is radiation. Another is chemo. So you're going to poison the system, you're going to radiate the system, or you're going to cut out shit from the system. All of which, if you just...

stop the shit from coming in. It's like earlier, we're talking about the terrain. The fly did not create the trash heap. Right. You got to address the trash heap, which is congestion in your body, which originates in the colon. From all the shit we eat all day long, where we can't even, our body can't even keep up the digestion process, you know? And so we grow here. That's not fat, that's shit in your colon.

So to say that we're full of shit is absolutely true. I say it of you all the time, usually when I'm not even around you. So, okay, we agree on all of that. That's where you and I hold hands like you and Owen Wilson in a canoe. Okay.

I do love Owen. I do love that fucking guy. One of the greatest human beings. Really? He really is. You just made Peter Farrelly very jealous. Huh? You just made Peter Farrelly very jealous. Doesn't make Pete any less fantastic. Well, I don't know. There's some talk among us guys. Yeah.

I love Pete Fairley, man. I love Bobby Fairley. You know, I did a movie with Bobby Fairley. No kidding. Champions. Oh, a new one? Yeah. Oh, they're in Kingpin. You did a new one. It's coming out? It'll come out in March. It's fantastic. What's it about? Well, I've never made a remake. Really? Didn't you make King Kong?

Oh no, you made apes. Sorry. That's a sequel. I'm Mr. Sequel. Here you go. Here you go. Like I'm a little kid asking for an autograph from Babe Ruth. Here you go. There you go. Thanks, Mr. Ruth.

You know, the herb dumbs me down sometimes. At least I'm going to contribute it to that. I think it dumbs you up. But I'm a bong half full kind of guy. Anyway, so you're, where are you? You never made that joke. That's a good one. No, but it's a good one. I like that bong half full. Oh, we should record it.

So, all right. So you're in a canoe. No, wait. Where were we? Your little jealousy thing keeps cropping up, man. It's like it's an ongoing. That picture of me and my guy on a stand-up paddleboard off of Croatia. Boy, that fucking bothered me. I'm just saying. Those fuckers are right there at the Bromnick Bars.

I'm just saying the way you're able to like clout all your boyfriends in the press and like none of them get jealous because it's like, oh, he's just my boyfriend. What could be going on?

Yeah, it's kind of like when Michael Jackson would be seen with all these kids. Everybody would be like, well, come on. If he was doing something with them, he wouldn't be in public holding their hands and being in a canoe with them. I mean, Michael Jackson's in a canoe with a kid. Nothing could be going on. And I feel the same when I see you. Anyway, how long have you been into canoeing? What is this movie about?

I know! It's the title and it's from Spain. But what is it about? Like, Jack and Jill go up the hill or we're warriors. What is it? Is it sports? Give me a category. Potpourri. Anything. So I play basketball. I'm an assistant coach. Basketball. In G League basketball. My character ends up...

Getting into an altercation with... Jesus, dude! You kept it on my fucking feet!

I'm sorry. You got me the pox on my feet. I'm sorry. The pox on my feet. Here, I'll clean up your feet like I'm the Pope. You're so poor. I'm the Pope. This is a real Jesus moment. This is a real Jesus moment, dude. You're like Jesus. Have you ever seen the Pope do this? This Pope that we have now. He loves water.

washing, like, peasants' feet. And I just always picture them, like, in the pulpit. Can you get over to the right? He's got, like, a stand-in. A little instep. You get the right instep. Setting up the cameras, the Pope is in the stand-in, doing this with the big hat. And they're getting it. And then the Pope just... Okay, we got it. We got it. The Pope is like,

The Pope's just like, I'm out of here. He's in his trailer. Yeah. Anyway. Oh, God, dude. I can't believe I'm laughing like this. So it's a basketball movie. I'd like to make toast to Bill Maher. I'd like to make toast because I'm hungry. Avocado toast? I ordered you some great food.

But since it doesn't matter what kind of food you eat, change that order to fat burger. Strong and fucking French fries. Yeah, if it doesn't matter, why did we... I know the food you love from the restaurant you love. You don't think that food is different than fast food? You don't think it makes a difference if you overate fast food or that food?

Oh, it definitely makes a difference. You said 10 minutes ago the opposite. You said it doesn't make a difference. What I eat, overeating is overeating.

You said that. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, what I'm saying is if you're overeating, you're still overeating. You know, like, even, I mean, I'm not, there is a difference. You know, if you're overeating, you know, very congesting foods like pizza and, you know, cheese. Well, that's what I was saying, darling. Okay, dear. Did you hear what happened to Salman Rushdie today? What? He got stabbed. Did he? Yeah.

He was doing an event. They said they were going to get him, and they did. It took them 30... They killed him? No. Well, we don't know. Hopefully not. He went to the hospital. Lost an eye, at least. He did? Yeah. Guy stabbed him repeatedly. He was doing an event in Chateau Croix, New York, about how great it is that authors have freedom of speech here in America. That was what he was talking about? Yeah. I mean, you couldn't write a script like that.

That's heavy, dude. I love Salman Rushdie. That guy's a master. Me too. Oh, I love him. Midnight's Children, one of the greatest books I've ever read in my life. He's a brilliant author. He's a brave guy. And he's a fun guy.

I don't know what more you want. You hung out with them? Oh, all the time. Really? I remember we were at the Tower Bar like maybe five years ago and we were waiting for the table and some lady comes over and is talking to us and says, I just want to know, how do you guys know each other? And we just were like, I don't remember. And that's like the way the, I'm sure it was from being on my show or something, but like when did we actually start hanging out together?

It's always best when it happens so organically. Oh, I met you before the show. I met you just out in Hollywood or whatever. No, I'm talking about me and Salman Rushdie. Oh, you and Salman. Yeah, I was with him at the Tower Bar, and the lady says, how do you know each other? And we were both like, you know, I don't remember. Because it just happens so organically. That's what I'm saying. Like, you can't force friendships.

When you're young, when you're in your 20s, that's all you're always... Sure it wasn't at the Playboy Mansion? Salman Rushdie, I want to picture him there with you. I don't think Salman Rushdie would go to the Playboy Mansion, but man, was he a pussy magnet. Salman Rushdie, absolutely. And I asked him about that many times, sometimes on the air. And of course, after he was targeted, he became a, you know, women like a bad boy.

You know, it would be more of a, like, then they, you know, the assholes tried to kill me and I lived to tell the tale.

You know, and I'm fucking Salman Rushdie and like, so smart. Dude, that's like, that was the beginning of a song. But I am actually quite sad to hear about Salman Rushdie. Oh, it's horrible. I think he's, I think that guy's like one of the great geniuses. I'd love to meet him. And not just, yes, geniuses are just. And do you think he's like at death's door? I don't know. We don't know. It happened today. Is he in intensive care or is he? Yes, yes.

Yes. Yes. It could go the worst way. And I just, I think if he's been there this long, I think they'll find a way. But he's 75. I mean, you know, he was repeatedly stabbed. We don't know by who. We think it's the Amish. Did you say Amish? Yes. Of course. I always say that. Anyway, but...

I didn't mean to bring you down. I just know that that is somebody you would love because you're a free speech lover. Boy, do I love that guy. You're a freedom lover. You know, you love your freedom. Like the way you, I mean, like when I went to your place in that one time that I went all the way out to your place in Hawaii, which is off the grid. There's no...

There's nothing. There's no toilet. There's a toilet. There's a hole you squat. No, no, no, no. There's no walls. You live in a porch. I always tell you that. But it's a beautiful house. But like all the grounds and you had a tree house. You still have the old tree house. Yeah. Right. It just, you know, it speaks of someone who really loves freedom.

- Ah, thanks man. - Yes, well you do. You don't want anybody to, I'm the same way. I want everybody to tell me what to do. And it's funny the way both sides claim that as their thing. We're the freedom people. The other people hate freedom. We love freedom. But everybody loves what their freedom is. Like that old thing about your freedom to swing your arm ends at my nose.

Well, if it ends in my nose, it's got to end inside my body, right? You can't say, well, I agree, I shouldn't be able to punch you in the nose, but I should be able to punch you inside your body. Oh, yeah, like a foreign substance, yeah. But that's what I object to. There are many people who I would highly recommend getting the vaccine. Really? Absolutely. Which is basically the elderly, the very elderly, or...

Yes, sorry, the obese. Who are the most vulnerable to all sicknesses. Of course, exactly. People with underlying conditions. We know, I mean, 40% of the people who died in the Omicron wave were vaccinated. A lot of people don't know that. Good. I'm glad you're saying that. No, sweetheart, do I ever pull a punch?

Well, no, but I mean, you're sitting here giving a lot of glory to the efficacy of the vaccine. I'm not giving a lot of glory. I'm giving balance.

Not glory. I'm just saying, people... I'm giving balance, not glory. Dude, that was like a big... A minute ago, I was washing your feet like the Pope. Like Jesus, dude. When are you going to give Jesus a little credit, man? When are you going to... When are you going to give Jesus a little credit? When you buy a pair of shoes. What is it with you and shoes? I mean... You mean... Don't you mean sandals? What?

Okay, but you barely have a, I mean. Dude, I'm worried about your soul, what's going to happen. My soul? Because I don't think you believe in, you don't believe in Jesus. You don't believe in afterworld, do you? You're not a Christian, are you? Afterworld, is that a movie? Now, you were raised a Christian, but you're half Jewish, but let me ask you a question.

Are you concerned about the fate of your soul? Fuck no. Of course not. What's going to happen when you die? Oh, for fuck's sake. Well, no one knows that. No one should pretend to know that. The people who pretend to know that are called religious.

I could say mean things right now, but I won't because it's not like me to make fun of religion. But yes, I mean, look, the fact that we don't know what happens when we die is universal to all humans. Some people, their response to that is, let's make up stories about what happens when you die. And some people are like, yeah, I don't know what happens when you die, but I'm not going to make up a story about it.

Because that seems more childish. I hope that didn't come off as too... Wow, that got real negative, dude. True or not? Wait, what are you, a Jesus ring now? Well, I believe that Jesus existed. Well, that's an interesting discussion. You're talking about the historical Jesus. Yeah. He may not have. I believe he existed. He may have.

Well, I don't know. If I were in Vegas, I'd bet a lot. I believe he existed historically. I believe if Jesus existed, there would never be a Vegas. But okay, go ahead. No, I love Vegas.

So you're Christian? I didn't know this. Boy, I'm glad you followed that. It was an ellipsis and then it's no. I love Vegas. I'm glad you threw that in. You're like, yeah, we're talking here. There's the cameras. No, you know what? No, yeah, because I work there in Vegas. Absolutely, dude.

Right. No one's saying that wasn't sincere. No. I'm not like you with $400 trillion in the bank because I'm in every giant franchise. Dude. Dude. I have to like... $400 trillion, that's a lot. I drive an Uber now. No. Okay. But...

But I would like to keep my Vegas gig. Hey, I got an idea. And then one day I'm going to buy a yacht and not invite all your boyfriends, but you can come. I got an idea. Yes. All right. You and I together, we take the Tesla out.

Take the what? No, the Tesla. And we Uber for a day or two. And we what? Uber. Uber. We become Uber drivers. Oh my God. You and me in the front seat. Oh. Someone gets in. We just do it. Oh, hey, we promote. What are we promoting? No, this is what you're... What are we promoting? This is what you're... You and me together. This is what your other boyfriends are for. What are you and I promoting? This is a great... This would be a great one for Owen Wilson. Oh.

You and Owen Wilson, I don't want to get in the way of what I think would be a much better pairing. What is your deal? I want you to come see me in Vegas, I'll be in Kansas City, I'll be in Cincinnati. And then it's like, is there never a word about the woods?

which you are one of the owners of the woods, and it's like, is that anathema to you? Why don't you ever suggest about people going to the woods? You're right. Now, I haven't promoted it myself until right now. And I was all ready to say, and you are right, I should, because I was always impressed from the second I walked into that place.

I was like, wow, I'm on Santa Monica Boulevard, and then I'm like, wait a second, I feel like I'm in like this, you know, the gardens behind, you know, the Angkor Wat, I was going to say pavilion, but I don't think Angkor Wat is a pavilion. Statues or whatever they are. I mean, it's like this amazing space with all these gardens and, anyway, it's the perfect place to get in. Koi pond.

Well, a koi pond. And beautiful, right? I have a fucking koi pond. But I don't have this whole like magical, I don't know, it seems multi-tiered. Maybe I was high. But that's the thing. It's a great place to be high. And it's perfect because the front of the store is where you buy stuff and get high and then you go back in that garden. It is amazing. And you can smoke. And you can smoke. Because there's smoking on the premises. Oh, it's a great place to go. Oh, yeah. There's bar. There's bar.

How's it doing? Everything's going to be open. How's it doing? How's my money doing? Well, dude, you know...

Well dude is not the way I wanted that to... Well dude. And then came my ellipses. Yeah. Really? Are we doing that? No, we're doing okay, dude. But look, we're still... Why aren't we doing great? Dude, we're still building the bars. There's two bars. Mars bars. Mars bars. Really? That's what I want to call them. Let's call it there. I mean, we're still debating me and Samba.

What? Me and Sam are still debating. Mars bars or is there something better? Right. McConaughey bars, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think there is something better. McConaughey bars. Oh. Well, that actually would be better, yes. I got to agree. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I'm all for getting my money back out. Yeah.

So whatever works. Dude, this is a big thing we're doing here. I'm so glad we're in this together. Yes, dude. I'm so glad you are. I'm so glad that you... I'm glad too, man. I'm glad you... I'm so glad we're both glad. I'm glad that we're glad. You know, it's nice to be nice to the nice. Okay. So... Jesus! Jesus!

How is your mom? My mom, by the way, she's doing okay, but she broke her foot. Oh, you can laugh. You can laugh. Your first thing when I say my mother broke her foot is to laugh. How'd she break her foot, Woody? Dude, what is wrong with you? That's your first response to my mother breaking her foot. How'd she break her foot, Woody? Yeah.

Wow, dude. Wow. Look, less and more. Can you tell which one is more? Would you like more? I know. This is more and more in our lungs.

Oh. Not bad, right? That was a ripper of a joke. I can hear those guys laughing back there. That was a fucking killer joke. Don't remind me about our lungs, though. Do you think we're hurting our lungs? Seriously. Fuck, dude, of course. What are you kidding? The ultimate thing is just to eat it.

But you're... I can't. And we're going to have, at the Woods, where ultimately, you and me, you're going to love it, everybody's going to love it, the best edibles ever in history. You know, Laura makes those fucking killer chocolates. I can't do edibles.

No, you can't do edibles. You're saying that because you don't know the dose. But if you knew the dose and you trusted the dose, then you'd be okay. Well, like Donald Trump, you're just pulling things out of your ass now. You don't know that I've never done it without knowing the dose. I've done it many times with knowing the dose. Dude, if you do the right dose, then your only reaction is going to be, I fucking love it. So, no, you didn't do the right dose. Why do you claim to know things you couldn't possibly know?

Why is that your... It's kind of in my nature. I was going to say that. I admit it. I'm a bit bombastic, and I'm a little bit wrong sometimes. Your specific super... But some of the things we've talked about, I've been right. I know, but... Wow. Put that on a bumper sticker. Some of the things I've talked about, I've been right. Hey... Harrelson for America. In Vegas. I'll get it right. Those are good odds, though. You got 60% right. That's pretty good.

Okay. Your spot, Vegas. Well... You love those guys, right? Is Vegas your favorite city in America? Is that your favorite? Of course not. I live in my favorite city, Rose. Whoa, dude. What? Okay, don't get on your heels. Or don't get on the balls of your feet, rather. Don't put me on my heels. What is your fucking... Why'd you raise your voice? What are you? Are you one of those guys? One of what guys? You know. Oh.

How are you?

Be honest right now. About what? Are you? You were talking about the Godfather. Are you? Be honest. I'm Irish. How could I be in the mafia? Be honest. My people, I'm Jewish-Irish. My peoples have much in common. Both achieved their independence as nations only in the 20th century, the Irish and the Jews. And both...

are a very... What? I'm starting to get the heavy ledge, dude. Oh. Why be? All right, just for that, I'm going to go through the entire history of both countries. Give me a minute to just nod off. Go ahead, though. Just wait until you're finished with this, dude. Please, be quiet. Come on. In the 8th century, the Celtic tribes...

were found across the Newfoundland border. They migrated through Edinburgh in what is today Glockenspiel. Meanwhile, in the Middle East, the Jews, as they always are, looking for a sale. Oh, my God. Now, I'm half Jewish. I can make a joke. You can make those jokes. I make that Jewish joke. Yes. Trouble.

Women are always like thinking that there's this level of you, you know. That's women. What do you mean level of you? What's that mean? Let me finish my sentence. I'll tell you. Sorry. I didn't. All right. You're back to your ellipses. I got fucked up about it. All right. Excuse me for getting my lines wrong. So women.

They love to, for some reason, think that there's always a level of you that is deeper, that you're not like sharing with them. You know, like, no matter how much you dig down. I'm not you, because you have an amazing Laura and you're happily married and you found your blah, blah, blah, but...

For people like me, a lot of... You find your blah, blah, blah. Yeah. That's a good song, too, dude. That's a good chorus. You find your blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I heard them back there. That's a good song. If someone chuckles, don't feel free, you guys. It's like, yeah, it's like a 60s Tommy James and the Shondells. You found your blah, blah, blah. You found your blah, blah, blah.

You found your blah, blah, blah. But they always think that there's like, you know, you're somehow not like giving all of you. And I...

A few times. I'm telling you. Please. There's no more. Are you about to tell me that you're giving all of you? I want to hear this speech about how all of you you're giving. I don't. It's not a speech. These women that you're so intimately and lovingly involved with. It didn't happen a lot, but I'm telling you.

that women in general think that there is this level that sometimes it's like, no. Like, this is it. You got to the basement. Below that is public parking. And I don't think you want to go in there. You got it. This is it. I'm actually not deeper. You know? And it's like, in a way, it's kind of flattering. And in a way, it's fucking annoying. Because, like,

No, I'm not hiding anything. I didn't want to. Hiding, I mean, you're the same way as I am. Like, hiding is work.

It causes stress. No, dude, you are yourself 100%. No, you really are. Yeah, as you are. I admire how honest you are. You're just like, this is how it is. This is how it is. No, no, but that's cool because I think women appreciate that too. Whoever associates with you, they're like, he immediately let me know this is how it is. Whoever associates, like I'm in the mafia. Isn't it?

Well, we're coming full circle on this, dude. Is there anything you want to tell me, honestly, right now? Do we have video or audio of me talking outside the social club? You would always get those mafia guys. So I've seen you in a couple of new ones where you were like...

Badass. Oh, yeah, you mean. Yeah. With Kevin Hart? Yes, and then what was the one where the woman, I think it was in Japan. Kevin Hart. It was in Japan. And I've seen him in a million things. This is the funniest I've ever seen him. Kevin Hart. You fell right in the middle of my promotion. I'm sorry. Shameless promotion. Sorry. But he is great. Kevin Hart. A man from Toronto. Netflix. Netflix.

Where is that? Oh, there. No, I loved it. It's great. I remember you telling me about it. I remember I was kidding you and I was saying to you, you always find a way to stay in the game. Here you are partnering with this hottest comedian actor

No, I don't do it for that reason. No, I know. It's pure entertainment, and I love action. And I love action movies more than anybody. I remember... And I think the tippy-top of the tippy-top is Bourne Identity. I love the Bourne Identity. Oh, I love them. Not Bourne Identity. More than my next breath. I love the Bourne movies. They're amazing. The best. Yeah. Anyway...

But what were we talking about? It was something important. You feel like your memory's still there? My memory? I have no problem. It's nearly perfect. Mine is definitely not perfect, but I mean, I feel like over time your mind transcends

What happens to the mind? It transforms things. It moves the furniture. It will remember. What else? What else happens to the mind, dude? Anything that I'm doing right now that makes you think of anything that happens to the mind? I know I'm supposed to be getting this point, but I don't. Doesn't do anything? Doesn't do anything. What are you talking about? Smoking pot. Yeah. Yes, it changed. What? You mean...

Yeah. It changes your thought patterns, your memory? Your memory, yes. You know, at the end of his life, I used to hang out with Timothy Leary. Yeah. And he said, you know, people say to me, you know, but doesn't drugs, you know, affect your memory? And he said, yeah, that's why I carry a pencil.

And I feel like that encapsulates how I feel about it. Like, do you lose something in things like memory, cognition, ability to operate a vehicle? What? Ability to operate a vehicle. Yes, you lose certain things. Mental clarity, consciousness. Yes, okay, there's a short list of things you lose. But what you gain is creativity.

And that's the trade-off. You're trading creativity for these other qualities which I think are more pedestrian because

Because you're a stoner. But you have to believe, my friend. I've learned the ability to memory, cognition, like a higher level of like attentiveness. Because I want to believe. No, those are not important. Yeah. I get it. I mean, of course. No, I just am saying, what am I saying? That the creativity...

is more rare. And so I'm willing to give up some brain cells or whatever I'm giving up

You know, remembering how to get out the door. You know, remembering, I feel like is... How many times have you had to go back and get your keys, you forgot your keys, and then you leave, and then you leave, and then you forgot your wallet, and then you go, and then you forget? I totally relate to that. Getting out of the house when you're stoned is a terrible thing because you're right.

Especially if you're like this meticulous paranoid like me, where like, oh my God, do I have everything? Do I have everything I need? And then it's, yeah. And you forget. I lived five story walk up in my buddy's house, Matthew in Primrose Hill, dude, for like almost a year. Who's this?

You know, Matthew Freud. Matthew Freud? Anyway, I used to go, I used to leave the house. Fuck, I forgot my fucking thing. You know, I'd go back up, you know, grab my wallet, whatever it is, and come all the way back down. Forgot, then walk back up and did like I was fuming at myself. Like, who's to blame for this lack of memory? Right. Right.

But I mean, you know, but you have to acknowledge that, dude. I know. Look, I'm going to I'm going to sit here and promote. Let's smoke. You know, we have a dispensary together. The Woods, Santa Monica Boulevard.

I really have dropped the ball on that. Yeah. I mean, you know, I see you at the end of the shows. You promote like the next, you know, place. You promote, you know, this, of course. You got several things you promote. The woods is something you should cherish. And you're one of the owners. And let's get the word out, dude. I haven't done it myself.

But we're doing it together. I love the way you add that as an addendum on that other speech. But yes, okay. Take yes for an answer. You're right. It is, I must say, a little bit of an... Thank you. All right. You don't have to thank me. Again, I thank you for bringing me in as a partner. Again, I'm in the mafia. Okay. But I must say, it is just a little odd.

I'm not going to say I'm not going to do it. I am going to do it. It is a little odd at the end of a show on HBO, which is a real network.

I mean, I think people understand promoting your upcoming live dates. I'm in Las Vegas. Johnny Carson used to do it. I mean, it's a thing. Right, right, right. Okay. Promoting your dispenser. And I don't promote this often, but I have mentioned it, I think, once at the end. Almost every time. Not every time. It doesn't matter. Probably twice I've mentioned it. 99% of the time. And not. You're making it. Carry on. Carry on, dude. Okay, Donald Trump. You're making things up. You're just pulling them out of the...

He promoted it the most in history ever. The most in history promoted this podcast. It's a disgrace. No, I promoted it a couple of times. Dude, who blames you? No one blames you. I'm just saying it's a little odd. Who would blame you? People don't usually plug stores.

That's what I'm saying. It's a store. Well, it's a store. How about a revolutionary dispensary? Never been done. Two bars, fucking outdoor space where you can actually imbibe right there the most beautiful dispensary you've ever seen in the world. It really is. And you've got to admit that. And so what do you mean? You know, where's the shame in promoting?

that. There is none. And who's going to ever say, and by the way, just make it into a funny thing at the end of your podcast. If they joined up now, what else do they get? No, I am not contesting. I'm going to take yes and an answer. I'm not contesting the... I'm going to take the yes and the ellipses as an answer. No.

That should be the name of your yacht, Ellipses. Wouldn't that be very erudite? This is the longest interview I've done in my life. It was hardly an interview. No, dude, we're just sitting here cracking wines. Okay. No, but honestly, how long does this boil down to? Can we get it down to 15 minutes? Whatever we want. Whatever we want. Really. Really.

Hey, 22 minutes is just us laughing. Yes. That's what I call the good part. All right, well, let's keep laughing.

Okay. And when we say cut, do they just keep going? There's no cut. You got every fucking space in this whole fucking room. Grandpa, this is... You're like London. You're like... Grandpa, this is podcasting. Fucking Hong Kong. Every fucking... There's facial recognition everywhere. Grandpa, it's so different now. Grandpa. I know on Cheers, it was great because you had all the cameras and the cameraman and all the producers are standing around, but

Things are different now. I'm not yet a grandpa, sir. Are you not woke enough for your kids? No, I'm not nearly woke enough. Really? I just want to... I don't know what the whole benefit of the whole woke thing. You know, like, I worry about comedians, you know? Saw Bill Burr, Night Before Last. Fucking phenomenal. Terrific comedian. In Queens. Yeah.

But it's so rare now, and you're an exception, but it's rare that you can really just speak your mind and not worry about the consequences. Like even Dave Chappelle, big blowback. Dave Chappelle is the most... They attacked him on stage. You would think the most invulnerable of any comedian. Bill Burr is saying things like...

It astounds me, the jokes he makes. And I love that he has that edge and he hasn't compromised, you know. And I love that you do that, dude. Like, you know, that's so fucking important. And right now there's a real threat to comedy generally. It's all going to get made, you know, sanitized, made vanilla, you know. They already did a lot of it. Yeah. You know.

Yeah. So bravo, dude. I love what you're doing, man. And dude, I know you can't take a fucking compliment, but I'm just trying to tell you. You know, it's important what you're doing. Thank you. Like people aren't doing this in mainstream media. We should say just for fairness and truth, there's also a huge threat to free speech from the right.

Trump is a huge threat to French people. And the left. No, but we covered the left. I'm just saying. That's true. We covered the left. That's why I was... I'm fucking sick of the left. It's like, you know, I consider myself a progressive. Right. But true progressives believe in freedom. Exactly. And the freedom that we've lost in the last two years is incredible. You know this John Lennon song, Jealous Guy? Yeah. Isn't that a great song? It's true.

I love that. That segue was beautiful, dude. I'm glad we got off of that subject. It started out as a song he wrote in India when they were in India called Child of Nature. And it was about being a child of nature because they were in India, you know, India, ooh, you know, the Maharishi. And then it didn't get on an album when he was with the Beatles. That was 1968. And then it reappeared, the exact same melody, a completely different melody.

subject. I'm just a jealous guy. You know, it went from child of nature to jealous guy.

Oh, that was after The Beatles. Yeah, that was a solo record. Oh, yeah, because what it was before was... It was like on his second song. On the way to Rishikesh. Yeah, yes. Did you ever hear it? Yes, that's the original. On the road to Rishikesh. That's what it was. And then it was like, fuck Rishikesh, I'm a jealous guy. He just repurposed. Just a jealous guy. Because artists...

are like fucking crows, you know? They build a nest by, if you get a good twig, you don't throw it away. You know, this is going to go in here somewhere. I'm sure you're like that. I'm sure when you, like, do your acting studies where you're studying real life and getting, like, things for your characters that you play in your movies, you're, like, studying people all the time. You're studying me right now. I can tell you are.

I really am, dude. You're like a great fucking car salesman, man. Car salesman? You can sell any car on the lot. It depends on what the guy's willing to pay. You'll sell it. They collect little bits for their art, whether it's your music. He knew he had this great melody, and he wasn't going to throw it away, and he's going to...

I'm sure you do the same thing. Anyway, your friends are going to be here. There's a fog. I like that segue. There's a fog upon L.A. Your friends have lost their way. They will be over soon, they said, now they've lost themselves instead. I told them, please don't be long. Don't be very, very long, for I may be asleep. You don't know that song? Blue Jay Way? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

All right. Oh, yeah. We got to go. All right. Oh, geez, dude. Okay. You got self-conscious, I guess. Thank you for everything. Can't this go on one more hour? Yes, we're going to stay here for like hours and do exactly what we just were doing. With the camera. You know I love it. Oh, now you love it. Now you don't want to stop.