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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. I don't know who leaves the roaches. Does this happen at your house with your kids? No, kids don't leave the roaches around. How old are your kids? Five and three. So when will you start them on marijuana? I was never a big pot guy. I can tell. No, no, I don't mean that as an insult. I know that sounded bad. I can tell.
But this could be the night. It could. I mean, you never liked blowjobs before that first guy sucked your dick, right? I mean, I'm just saying the rumors I've heard. No. But even in high school, you didn't? No, no. No cigarettes, no pot. Then you probably don't want to start with this one. No, that looks lethal.
And I don't do like drinking or any type of drugs when I'm doing these things. Doing what things? I'm doing a podcast or a show. This isn't a podcast. I don't know what they told you. This is just a little get together. You don't want to drink at all? No. I mean, not even soda? No, I got water. Just water? Yeah. Jesus. And you're Italian? Yeah.
You know, your name, I have to say, always sounded to me like an explorer. I've never heard that before. No, I'm sure. Why would anyone have thought it before? But it does. Sebastian Maniscalco sounds to me like it would go in with Columbus or, you know, Vasco da Gama.
your name could have been vasco de gama i feel like that could have switched out easily um bartolome diaz um balboa you see what i'm saying it just you sounds like you that name i could see as an expo if they if i had learned that name in history class you know it's like in 1498
Sebastian was the first one to go around the Cape of Good Hope and discover, I don't know, Wakanda. Now that you mention it, it does sound like I've explored the high seas and discovered a lot of stuff back in the day. Who are your favorite explorers?
Well, you know what? I'm not versed on a lot of explorers. You must have a favorite. I was going to say Vespucci.
Is that an explorer? Vespucci. Amerigo Vespucci? Oh, Amerigo Vespucci. Yes, you're right. People have the thought that he was just a mapmaker because that's how we got the name America, from obviously his first name Amerigo. But he was an explorer himself, probably just for the pussy. Okay. I think back then, I think explorers were very much...
the rock stars of their era. You know, like I think they had groupies and, you know, your latest expedition was like your latest album, I think. I mean, I'm just, I'm just, you know, these are the things I think about when I masturbate, you know, about the 15th century. You have to like, hey, if you see a hot chick in a movie, you
Then it takes place in the 15th century. It's like, how could I get with that chick? Oh, I'd be an explorer, of course. And then, you know, they just throw themselves at the explorers. Maybe I should start smoking pot. Jesus Christ. When you're thinking about explorers on a day-to-day. No, it's just your name. It's just your name. It is the name of an explorer. So, I met you. You're not going to remember this. I was a...
I don't even know what you call it. You did a thing called Mob Week on your old show. Mob Week on Politically Incorrect. Yeah. That was in the days when it was 1999. It was in the days when TV took ratings three times a year.
So you had to do something special during ratings month. So all the shows would do things like travel the show, something to get people to like to goose the numbers. Like, oh, they're in New York doing Mob Week. And what were you, the guy that they hired to hit me? We were in a warehouse, me, you, and a comedian named Joey Diaz. And it was a promo for the Mob Week. And I thought like I hit gold when I got this part.
I just got out here in 98 and 99. I get cast to do a mobster in your show for a promo. I called home. I'm like, this is it. It's happening. I'm in a warehouse with Marr, and we're doing a Mob Week promo. So that's where I crossed paths with you. And you were just hired because you are the very typical Italian. You are the epitome of Italian-ness. Yeah.
I mean, if I rented you in the street, I swear to God, the first thing out of my mouth would not be, hey, that guy's Italian. I mean, I know you talk about it a lot in your act, so I understand that. But I don't even see it in you. You don't see it. I see an explorer. I see a guy in the bow of a ship with scurvy. That's what I see. I do not see it. But no, I understand you're Italian. And...
You know, as the senator said in The Godfather Part II, the Italians are a wonderful people. Oh, yeah, wonderful. And we're so happy they've come out to this clean country. Did you ever see The Godfather Part II? Oh, yeah. That speech? Well, that hypocrisy is so great of when the senator, played by G.D. Spradlin, G.D. Spradlin, one of the great character actors, also the coach in North Dallas 40, said,
And also in Apocalypse Now, he's like the guy who says, you have to go on a mission and terminate with extreme prejudice. But when he meets Michael Corleone in private,
He's like, I don't like you. I don't like your oily people coming out to this nice, clean country and bringing with your silky suits. He just could not be more of a put down against the entire Italian nation. And then, of course, when he's accepting the check, he's, my good friend, Vato Corleone.
And then, of course, when he's in Congress and he has to, like, excuse himself because it's a little awkward that he'd be in this hearing about Michael Corleone. And the Italian people are a fine people who have done so many great things for our country. It's just, well, that's right. Didn't he later get caught with, like, a prostitute and they killed the prostitute and he woke up? Correct, in the movie, yes. They set him up.
And then Tom Hagen comes in and he's just like, he's got his shirt off, you know, he doesn't know what happened. They must have drugged him too. And, you know, she's dead. And Tom Hagen comes in and says, we'll take care of this. This is a girl. She has no family. I just got to say those mobsters were, boy, they were next door explorers. Tough people. Ruthless. So where do you live now? I live right up the street.
Really? Yeah. Literally? Yeah. We won't mention names, but like- Like a mile away. A mile away. Eight minutes. And how long have you lived there? I moved there right before the pandemic. So- Before that, you were in New York? No, I've been here since 98. Oh, right. So I used to live on like Melrose, Fairfax, like West Hollywood area. Sure. And then moved up here. That's the progression. Yeah. You've got this big blossoming career. Yeah.
You're not going to fucking still live on Melrose next to the Shmada store. You're moving on up to the east side to a deluxe apartment. So you like it? Yeah, I do. I mean, you like being you and all this success. I'm having trouble kind of adjusting to the... Yeah, you seem kind of down.
Well, is it me? A guy with all your, you know. This is my problem. I don't know necessarily how to enjoy myself at this point in my career. That's what I'm getting. And I think I have your answer right here, but you won't do it. I've got it in my hand. I've got it on the table. I got it everywhere, but
No, the problem with me is I'm like an overanalyzer. I overthink things. Me too. Yeah. And I'm having a hard time being in the moment, enjoying where I am in life because I'm constantly thinking down the road. I'm constantly thinking my last gig I do is the last gig I'm ever going to do. You know what?
This all is not the worst possible thing. Overanalyzing, yeah. Can it be a bad thing? It can. But it's also, you know what, I'm going to keep that trait. I think I'm going to want to analyze because I like to keep trouble at bay. Yeah. I like to keep it far away. How do I do that?
I analyze things. As opposed to what? Being a stumbling idiot, just walking down a dark hallway and bumping into things? No. So I don't think overanalyzing, despite the drawbacks that it does have, is the worst possible thing. So I don't think you should feel bad about feeling bad. Well, I've never had to put it that way before. You never talk to anybody like me, and you should have.
Well, you seem like-- I mean, I don't know you, but just on the surface, you seem like a relaxed guy. You're kind of confident where you are in life right now. Yeah. And I'm at a point where I've got two small kids, five and three, trying to bring them up in Los Angeles, always kind of pining over everything. I mean, of course, kids change every dynamic 100%. Wouldn't you agree? Oh, yeah. No, definitely. And I'd say that as someone who's never had kids.
but I've seen them around. I don't enjoy them. I never have, but I see them. I see the way they're brought up. What's the problem with them for you? Well, Bill Clinton used to say about abortion that it should be safe, legal, and rare. And I feel the same about children. They should be safe, legal, reluctantly, yes.
but rare, and certainly not in places where adults go. And when I was a kid, now, I don't know, what are you like? 50. 50? It's going to be 50. There you go.
Well, welcome aboard. Welcome aboard to the second half of your century of life. Hopefully we'll make it a century. It is the normal lifespan, I think, of a human if we're not poisoned with toxicity. There are many people who live to 100. That is, I think, and I think an elephant also.
Live to 100? I think so, but I forget. Get it? Anyway, but 50 is... See, I think your generation is actually the last sane generation. You're Gen X. Okay. After that, it goes off the cliff quickly. And when it gets to Gen Z...
I mean, it's just the insanity. I mean, I know you share these views because I watch your specials, which are very funny. What's the one that's on now? Is It Me. Is It Me, yes. It's constantly walking around. Yeah, I love the tux. You like the tux? I love that idea. I mean, I love a tux. I love old schoolness, you know, and bringing back that Rat Pack-y vibe.
kind of Vegas thing is certainly something with, if it could happen, the accompanying mindset in a lot of ways, which is, you know, ring-a-ding-ding. Let's live, you know? I mean, obviously, see, the younger generation, you can't say that because, oh, yes, Frank Sinatra, but he also was bad with women. He
Everybody's bad with something. First of all, people evolve. Humans evolve. You can't expect, they think you can look back at the past and judge it by the mores of the present, which even their own generation will not stand up to in 50 years. We're doing things now that they'll hate. Yeah.
So, you know, the younger generation probably doesn't want to go back to the Rat Pack Eat Times. And yeah, it wasn't good in some ways, but there was a general feeling to it.
I think Vegas was better when the mob ran it. I do too. And I just feel like, I don't know, does that come back around? Do we see a Vegas in 10, 20 years where people are dressed in suits, cocktail dresses? I mean, Steve Wynn tried to implement that at the Wynn Hotel when he first opened it. No kids, no strollers. Guys had to wear a jacket and women had to have cocktail dresses. Yeah.
And that lasted 48 hours. And they were walking through the casino with a thong on. So it's like, I don't know. I feel like, yeah, there was some-- those times were whatever. Everybody in every generation was doing something that was probably not looked upon as good. But I'm just saying, how could you deny putting on a nice jacket, looking the part when you go out?
Now you go anywhere and it seems like it's just, it's just. Well, I mean, that's interesting that you mentioned that. I did not realize that Steve Wynn did that. Do you know what year that was? That was. Years ago? No, he opened the hotel around 15, 20 years ago. I want to say 2004, 2005. The Wynn. The Wynn and the Encore. The Wynn and the Encore. Yeah. Right. So, and there were signs all over the casino saying that this is what happened. Well, he's also the guy who, when he had the, didn't he have the Bellagio? Yeah. Okay. Okay.
had the exhibit of like art's greatest hits. They had a museum. And it was just the ones that, you know, it wasn't the Mona Lisa because you couldn't get that on loan. But they had Van Gogh's like, you know, Starry Starry Night in there. Yeah. I mean, they had some major artworks.
And that was his way of saying, yes, let's, as you were saying, let's raise the bar. Let's have a little class here. I mean, I thought that was brilliant. And of course, as much as that cost, the thing out front was genius because it cost like 10 cents and everybody loved that even more, which was the tape of Pavarotti they played and then the fountains.
with lights. So what do you need? Water, lights, and a disc. And it blew everybody's minds. And they were like, fuck Van Gogh. Look at this. He made water shoot in the air. He's the man who's a genius. So I think that's your answer about trying to get the masses to
put on a nice coat and tie. I don't think that's ever going to happen again. No? Not at all. I have hopes that that might come around, but who knows? I don't know where this is going. Not on a mass level. That's the thing. I mean, you could do it for a select group, yes. But they don't want that in a casino. They want throngs of people losing money. You want the biggest, you know, what they call it, the drop at the table. I think you probably know from working Vegas,
They don't really care about you as a performer, certainly not what you're doing, as long as it brings in people. But even that is not what they care about. They care about what the people who you bring in do when your show ends. And what do you think that is?
Well, I mean, listen, they're looking. Gamble. Yeah, they're looking. Gamble for the food, the nightclubs, the rooms. Not the nightclubs, not the food, not at gamble. That's what their business is. That's you're selling nothing. There is no product and people are giving you their money. That's a good business to be in there. You're just selling air and hope.
Food, you have to actually provide food. You know, that's have to pay you to tell jokes. But the gambling, it's everything. Everything is there to funnel them to lose their house and mortgage and their child's future at the tables. And that's all you're there for. I agree. I agree. But you yourself, did you play Vegas when there was hints of the mob still there?
When I was 26, I opened for Diana Ross at Caesar's Palace. Talk about thrilled to get a job. But it was what I call the dead ball era in Vegas. It was after the Rat Pack days, but before Vegas had reinvented itself as a place where young people would be interested in going. I mean, I was there for two weeks, 26 years old. I don't remember seeing any pretty girls.
It was just older. It was almost like what I guess Miami was like at a certain point, you know, that kind of... The acts were fairly octogenarian. I mean, they were... Let's just say they were veteran performers. I don't think everyone was in their 80s, but, you know, it was like Pat Cooper. I remember I went and saw as many of the comedians, Buddy Hackett, you know...
And Diana Ross was like the that was the Caesars at that moment was the biggest casino by far that was the shit and she was the biggest star and
I think the number I think she was getting a week was $400,000. That's pretty big in the 80s. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you had no hints of like, Mr. Ma, right this way. No, well, certainly at that era, no one was saying to me, Mr. Ma, anything or right this way. I was the sacrificial lamb that went on stage while people filed in to see the great Diana Ross. And she was great and is great. I loved her. Still do. Yeah.
But, no, there was none of that. And I don't, I mean, I would not have been privy to that, but I think it was phasing out anyway. I think, you know, the heyday was the 50s and 60s. I mean, that's, of course, the plot of Godfather II that we were just talking about is, you know, part of it is Bugsy Siegel opening Vegas. I mean, Hyman Roth has that great speech about,
where he talks about how Moe Green got shot in the eye, and there's not a plaque or a signpost. This was a man of guts and vision. He invented the city of Las Vegas, and we don't honor him. You know, that era, I think, had pretty much passed by the time I got there. The problem was they were fumpfering around a while before they realized that they were sitting on the gold mine of, this is the one place in America where you can be
An adult, he can be politically incorrect. You know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. So when they kind of went, they tried to be like family friendly. And it's like, that's not what you're, that's not who you are. And you shouldn't want to be that. You have, you have this almost all to yourself. People act in Vegas in ways they don't the rest of the country when they're home. And that is an awesome thing to be selling. They should actually be doing better than they are.
Well, I don't know. From what I'm seeing, it's constantly packed, especially after the pandemic. Macau, China, makes 10 times what Las Vegas does. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's crazy. Sorry you started down this road now, aren't you? What am I doing here? Let's go to Macau. Yeah. No, 10 times.
That's crazy. Yeah. So... With probably no entertainment. I mean, who the hell's going there? I mean, you don't see any... I don't hear anybody going to Wynn-McCow. Well, they're probably stars of China. Chinese singers. You know, I mean... I don't know. But it could very well be. First of all, they just take gambling much more seriously. Yeah. So it's probably a little more like... I'm sure you've played Indian casinos. Yes. They also can be kind of like light on the atmosphere, right?
And, you know, it's just like this is a big barn and we have gambling here. And that's kind of it. And I'm thrilled that they hire comedians. You know, I've had some great times there. But, yeah, it's not like Vegas. There's no fountains going off. There's no pirate ships. There's no tigers. There's no homosexual German magicians. It's just –
a place to gamble. I don't know what Macau was like and I'm not going to find out, but the Asian culture is much more driven by fate, the belief in fate, as opposed to Western man who is more of, I can create my own destiny. So given that as the background of their philosophical underpinnings,
It is probably why gambling, you know, it's just fate. If I'm lucky tonight, I'm going to make a fortune. But they do love their gambling, and they do it a lot. And, yeah, you should play Macau. Well, I mean, I noticed you go to the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas, and in the shower, the toiletries says soap, and then I'm assuming it says soap in Chinese, right?
Does it look like it's in Chinese? Well, yeah, it's Chinese. So I'm like, how much are the Chinese dropping here that they had a meeting to say, we got to start writing the soap in Chinese to make these people happy? So yeah, no, they take their gambling extremely seriously. Yeah. Yeah.
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But there's plenty of Chinese billionaires now. I mean, it's not a safe place to be a billionaire. Even Jack Ma. Yeah. Was he missing for a while? Yes. I mean, look, I certainly have a lot of things to say about America these days that aren't terribly flattering, but we don't quite do that. And that's not even the worst place to be an uppity businessman. That would be in Russia, where...
They constantly are just pushing them out a window. I mean, you would think that with this kind of scrutiny on you and you already have a reputation for someone who pushes a lot of people out of windows, at this moment you're involved in a war, that you would just keep doing it. It's just you kind of got to admire if you're a gangster Putin on that level because he's just like, yeah, I...
I will push you out a fucking window. And I don't really care who knows it. In fact, I kind of like it that everyone does know it. And I will bold-facedly say...
you know, I have asked for legislation in the Duma to fix our problem with faulty windows because people, it must be the railings have to be adjusted. The floors are slippery by these windows. I am imploring our Congress to do so. And he will just make that speech and no one will, you know, nobody checks them. Although we're kind of like
It's actually amazing the way that you follow that war in Ukraine. I don't follow a lot of current events when it comes to world affairs, and I'm amazed.
You're a very limited man, Sebastian. I don't have like a plethora of knowledge, put it this way. You're rattling off movie lines. Sure. You know explorers. Explorers. You know the inner workings of Ukraine and Russia. Right. I don't know nothing. Keep going. Well, you certainly know how to make people laugh.
that's what i concentrate on my time you're a you're a master craftsman at it you deserve all this you're getting because you're great at that and you know what not everybody has to be a renaissance man it's so much better actually to be good at one really great at one thing than to be sort of good at a whole bunch of other things i mean
Well, like a guy like you, you seem like you know a lot of stuff. What are you doing? Are you reading? Are you talking to people? Where's the information coming from? A fairy flies by once a day and whispers in my ear, Sebastian. No, but you just know things.
I don't know a lot of these things. I know, because... Like, what are you doing on a daily basis? You know what? I think it's just a little... A lot of it is just the brief, like, decade-and-a-half difference in our ages. At some point, I guess your generation is the last sane one, maybe. Yeah.
But they may be the first one that just, well, they kind of like just went, ah, fuck it with the education. I mean, now they just have complete, I don't know what you think your kids are learning in school, but I'm almost sure it's nothing. I mean, they do still teach them how to read, barely. But okay, they can do that. And maybe math, no, not even math anymore because they got calculators and they can't tell you what eight times seven is. I mean, we had to learn a times table. Did you have to do that? Yeah, eight times seven, 56, yeah.
But I mean, first of all, it was just part of something they did in school. Like they didn't let you out the door of high school unless you had a sort of basic understanding of the world and our place in it and what happened before us.
and basic things. I mean, I didn't like math or biology, but I fucking sat through them because I had to. And we were afraid if we didn't do well that there would be terrible repercussions like getting left back. You know, they didn't, nowadays they would never use that term, by the way. No. Left back because it's way too... It's negative.
Yes, it's way too, oh my God, you're stigmatizing people. And it's like, yes, good. I was worried about being stigmatized. As a, oh, a word I can't say, but it begins with R. But if I said it, then the whole show would be canceled or something. Yes, and that was good. It's not bad to be a little scared. I agree. Speaking of being canceled, are you at all
worried about that for yourself? Like, do you edit yourself when you're... I mean, that's, of course, a question I have to answer honestly and say everybody edits themselves to some degree. I just did it. Because there was a word I wanted to use that we should be able to use, but you can't. So, and it's a shame because, you know, America, there's just no other word that really gets at how dumb America is
And when people do dumb things, and by the way, in private, everybody uses it because it's almost indispensable with how stupid America is that you can't not stop yourself from saying, oh, my God, that is so blank. Right.
But what was the question? Oh, do I hit it myself? Well, you seem to be on a show that's like tackling some topics that are, you know, controversial. So I often wonder when I'm watching, is this guy like, is he just free-flowing thought or is it like, is he holding back? Because I don't really see that you're holding back. It's just kind of pure honesty. I don't hold back and I have the scars to prove it. But look, there are...
Things that I... It's interesting the way the milieu has so much to do with how something is received and what is allowed. I often have this joking sort of...
tease play with my boyfriend, Seth MacFarlane, about this because he gets away with things because it's a fucking cartoon that just make me... I'm like, if I ever said that, and he laughs at me because he's right. That's how you do it. You put it in a cartoon character's mouth and people accept it. Well, in a similar way, like I can say things here that I never say on real time because real time is different. It's not...
Well, it is better. I mean, I say this all the time. I mean, that's my real job. This is fun and it's different and it's as real as it gets. But real time is no less real. It's just that that is a network television show and I'm in a suit and a tie and I'm talking to a senator or a governor or something like that. There is a little, and the audience is, you know, it's a pay cable. There is a little more appropriate decorum or just, it's not pulling punches.
It's just, you know, it's nuance, you know, something the world has forgotten about so much, nuance. But yeah, so if you call that editing, yes. But even with my editing, I'm a thousand times more honest than the next guy. Oh, yeah. I mean, Howard Stern is honest also in his way. We...
unfortunately disagree about a lot of things now, not a lot, but like COVID. He's very, very concerned about COVID. And I think the whole thing was ridiculously handled and completely overblown. And the responsibility for it was misplaced, blah, blah, blah. But that aside, there's just not a lot of...
Yeah, there's just not a lot of people who will take on those issues that could get you canceled. And that's almost all I'm attracted to. That's all that seems to be worth kind of talking about. I want to talk about this. My criteria when we're choosing an editorial for the end of the show is don't ever pitch me something that anyone else is already saying because it's been done. I don't go, I don't want, I'm not interested in the obvious.
you know, and I'm, I'm much more rather take the blows and do it my way. That's your boyfriend, Frank Sinatra wouldn't say, is that your, like your theme song? Yeah. You must love Frank. Oh, I love Frank. I love Frank. I love Frank. I love Elvis. Elvis was good too. Yeah. I mean, well, I just think the entertainment back then was a little different in the sense that, I don't know, it was a little bit more original and, and I felt like,
You had to really be good to be on TV and film. I just feel like right now it just seems like entertainment and real life are all in one. Well, yeah. I mean, a lot of people have pointed out that Andy Warhol's famous dictum that everyone in the future will be famous for 15 minutes kind of came true. Yeah. I mean...
We're on a podcast. You do a podcast. There's four million other people doing it.
Yeah, this is like, you know, we're doing it here, and then there's two guys in their garage in Cincinnati doing it too. I'm saying, but it would be like if in, you know, the 70s, there was Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin and four million other guys who were, like, doing their version of The Tonight Show. Yeah, yeah. Now, of course, numbers matter, you know, so, I mean, but it is, if you're saying it's more diffuse, yes. I mean, things have been...
diluted in a big way because of reality television. And also, you know, some of it exposed people who were in show business and people thought they should be lionized and put on a pedestal and just showed, oh, wow, that's not that different than the Real Housewives or something. And maybe that's more entertaining. And it just showed that acting, most of it, not that hard.
On the highest level, I would say acting is some, yes, it's a great craft. But a lot of what you see in acting in television, sitcoms and so forth is
It's not that different than a reality show where they're just, you know, just go out there and here's the scene, you know, because we know they're not really reality shows. I mean, they have a script, not a script word for word, but just, you know, okay, you're mad at her because she flirted with your ex-husband or whatever goes on. I've never seen one of those shows, but I assume that's what they're... I doubt if they're talking about the Ukraine war. Okay. Yeah.
I don't think so. I think, you know, Bethany, I think if Putin can hold on to the Donetsk region, no, that's not what's happening there. But what is happening is that they're basically doing a little play, which is what a sitcom is. They just don't have the word for word, right? I'm sure the producer says...
suggests, I've seen this. I know this is what happens, right? And then they just act it. And it's not that different from people who got awards and are officially actors. And I think people see that and they go, oh, okay. I've got to get a podcast. Now what about your family on a reality show? I knew the answer to that. Not my speed. Can you imagine?
No. Just imagine, what if it was the law that you had to put your family on a reality show? You had reached a certain level of fame and success, and Congress had passed this law. What would it look like? I don't have... I'd have to... If I had a reality show, I'd be constantly telling the camera guy, shut the camera off. Because I wouldn't want to say what I was going to say on TV. There'd be a lot of that. So...
You know, with Instagram and Facebook and what have you, you're kind of doing a little reality show with showing some little clips of your life. Right, and you do that. Yeah, every once in a while. I don't do any of that. No, I wouldn't think you were showing what you're doing on a daily basis. Why do you say it that way? It's just not the time. Thank you. Exactly. You're reading. I feel like it would...
I've had people say, you really need to join the 21st century and Instagram. And I'm like, you know what? The analogy to me is Hugh Hefner. When he was in Chicago and when he was first in LA, he never left the house. The party came to him. Then after his divorce from his second wife, he went out.
All the time. And you'd see him at like the Garden of Eden nightclub. And you're like, really? Hugh Hefner's here at the same fucking shithole titsuit nightclub I'm at? And it was so uncool. And I feel the same way about me and Instagram. Like...
I feel like if I went on it, it would be like, it's like when you see a celebrity on the subway. And you're like, wow, Ethan Hawke, I thought you were doing better than this. What the fuck are you doing on the subway? Man, do you need any help? And I just, I feel like that's what it would be. So I very appreciate you giving me that. You gave me a great...
you know, sort of affirmation there. Well, there's a mystique about it too. It's like the fact that we don't know what the hell you're making for breakfast. It's kind of interesting to me because it makes me wonder. Yeah. That's for the same reason like Michael Jackson, when he, when he started to do thriller, he didn't want to do any interviews. He wanted to be elusive.
And he didn't want to give people any private information about his life or what he was doing. So this ironic since we know he was fucking little boys. Nobody did not do any interviews or to not really show people the other side of you is is. And plus, I just couldn't see you doing it anyway. It looked awkward.
Right. And also, one of the reasons I started this podcast is if you want to see what I'm doing when I'm just at home kicking it,
This couldn't be more it. So is this your vibe? Like, what do you do socially? I mean, you don't got no family. You got no... I'm just... You never sounded more Italian than that. Look, you got no family. This girl has no family. It's like she never even existed. All that would be left is our friendship. Uh...
Are you a dinner guy? You go out, do you have buddies? Do you have friends? I got a great life, really. If you knew what I was doing, you'd fucking kill yourself. Okay, we're not going to get into details, but it's good. Do you go out or do you just stay home? I went out Sunday night to the Elvis party at the Formosa. It was awesome. Thank you, Formosa, by the way. I signed their book.
Yeah, I had an awesome time. I don't go out to everything or that appealed to me because it's Elvis. But you're social. I'm not nearly as social as I used to. I certainly don't go out drinking like I used to. I mean, drinking was used to be a pursuit. It was like, what do you want to do? Like, that was the thing we're doing is we're going out drinking. We'd go to different clubs and bars. And oh, my God, I just I
Just thinking of it, I was like, what the fuck? But, you know, that's life. You evolve and you look back and you constantly think, what a dick. What was I doing? But you could go back to, you know, 10 years old and say that. You know, I was thinking about baseball cards constantly. You know, I remember one year my aunt and uncle, they wanted to give me a present. My birthday's in January. And I said, no, no.
I want baseball cards. They don't come out till April. So I forewent an actual present to wait and get baseball cards because that was all I cared about. Well, I've changed a lot since then, you know? And yeah, and it's just interesting to look back when you were well past childhood and still be disappointed in yourself. Do you feel that?
At 50, you can look back at 40 and go...
Jesus, what a dick. Why was I doing that? And it's still 40. I mean, you were still a grown ass man. Do you ever do that? No. No? No, I don't. You were doing nothing wrong at 40? No, I don't think I was doing anything. Fuck you. Who needs people like you? Well, I was. But that's, I mean, you know what? That's fine. First of all, I don't believe you. I was never like a trouble, getting in a trouble. But there's nothing you regret at 40? What
What was going on in your life 10 years ago? 10 years ago, I was just doing... I was doing comedy. That's all I was doing was comedy. When did you get married? 10 years ago, this year. I just said what happened 10 years ago. You couldn't come up with that? It seems like a big one. Well, I mean, I wasn't going, what the hell am I doing? What's going on with me? No, but...
If a guy asks you what you were doing 10 years ago and you go like, oh, geez, I think I did some clubs. Oh, yeah. And I got married. A lot of people say that's like the most important thing. My head was wrapped around you saying anything. Regret. So you got married 10 years. 10 years ago, I got married. Yeah. So you obviously think that was a good move. It was a great move. Great move. Yeah.
We're going to move the Rosato brothers out, and then I'm going to get married. Great move for me and my family. All right. No, and then five years ago, I had my first child, and then I had another one. So you always wanted a wife and kids? No, I was like you. I was like, I used to make fun of the, in my act, I used to go, oh, the kids and this, and your kid's so great. And I'd go to a restaurant, and the kids, get this. I had the same attitude. I was not a big kid guy. So you got married for the material. Yeah.
Well, over time, I'm like, you know what? You do get a lot of material, right? Oh, yeah. No, there's a lot of material. See, I don't have that kind of material.
Well, I mean, you have other material. You have other experiences that you're drawing. And a fucking life. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I know people love wives and children. I don't get it, but I know they do. A lot of people pretend they do. Do you know that they did a survey fairly recently, and most people, a majority, agreed with the line that the pollster asked, which was...
I love my kids, but if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't. They told a pollster that. Listen. I'm just saying, how fucking desperate in your mind do you have to be a total stranger on the phone? And you're revealing this.
Well, you've got to look at the pool. Help me. I hate my fucking kids, whoever you are over at Gallup. But, I mean, that's kind of a cry for help to say that to a stranger. Look at who's answering the phones on these things.
I've had, I know no one. I mean, someone's desperate enough to pick up the phone and talk to some stranger about their life. I don't know nobody like that. No. So the people I know, yeah, listen, some people aren't happy. It's a point well taken. Yeah. So some people aren't happy and some people are happy. Let me, counselor, let me rephrase. I've also heard anecdotally that
from people who've said the same thing, like just people I know who've said that same sentence, that I love my kids, but if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't do it. Just because I think people raise kids wrong. I feel like I've heard you basically say the same thing. And in doing so, they
They not only ruin the kids' lives, but their life. When they're too indulgent, the kids grow up undisciplined and basically feral, uneducated, terrible attitude, sense of entitlement. So they ruin their child. And then they also ruin their life because they don't have any fun, because everything is about the kid.
Like, like taxiing them everywhere and doing everything for them and apologizing to little children for bullshit that you do. Like you should ever be doing that. All this shit ruins their life. All the money goes to the kid, whatever the kid wants. So, you know, that's if you're doing that is, is not an easy task.
That's if you're doing it that way, which is the wrong way. I know, but kids talk to other kids. It's hard to not be infected by it. You certainly must have found that out already with how old is the oldest? Five and a half is going to be six. It's going to get worse. Listen, there's going to be challenges, but I got my kids...
Making their bed in the morning. They're getting a little allowance. I'm trying to teach them about money Good. Well good. This is why I got anxiety This is why I'm constantly thinking why because you're worried that you're gonna ruin your kids No, I just want to be present and I want to do it right and there's a lot of pressure right with with a lot of like you're saying outside factors that I want to give them like for example
when you're on the road and there's something your kid has going on at home, you wish you could be not on the road, but-- - Yeah, I'm like, what am I doing in Montana?
You know, sometimes that's what I think. Like, should I be home giving them the proper guidance they need? I mean, my wife's fantastic, but also I add another layer of parenting to what we're trying to do. Well, we sent you to Montana to take over the numbers business. Okay, now the Rosado brothers have been running it, but they've been running it badly. We're going to bring in the Roadhouse Boys just for a piece.
Oh, I'm sorry. Sometimes, yes. You know, that's another thing, you know, movie lines like what? That wasn't a movie. I know. But even like you, you did like the whole senator thing. I'm like, this guy knows the senator's speech from Godfather 2. Well, that's not normal. I mean, like a lot of people don't do that.
I should know it better. I mean, if I really knew it, it would be great. With the accent. Right. I mean, that's, you know. Oh, well. I don't know a lot of movie lines. See, now there's a good example of something that you would never see on real time. It's just not that kind of show.
But it is what you would see of me at home, which gets back to why I'm not on Instagram. Because this is Instagram. This is your Instagram. Kids, just chop it up into three-second clips. If that doesn't tax your attention span...
Because, I mean, you know, we have, how about, you must be worried. You want some anxiety with your kids, you must be worried about what the fucking phone. Yes. The portal to evil and social media and TikTok and how that is rotting and has rotted the brains of our youth. And how are you going to protect your kids from that? Well, this is what, we try and do things outside the house, activities, what have you.
Screen time is not something that we're always doing. How old was your-- how old when they get a phone? I want to do that like when they get a license.
Right. But see, this is going to be very hard to hold the line when that kid goes to school and the other kids have phones. That's what I'm talking about. This is going to pit you against the horror of where America is now with this kind of nonsense. My sister and I talk about this all the time. If the parents got on board with one another, we would have a problem. So when Tommy's parents giving the kid a phone at nine,
You've got to go to Tommy's parents and go, what are you doing? You're screwing up the whole vibe here. If everybody kind of waited to a certain age, we wouldn't have to be competing with other families when it comes to these phones. And a lot of these parents, they don't care. It's just give them the phone. I don't want to be dealing with this kid. And the kind of phone raises them. And it's not really my style. It's not what I'm trying to achieve with my kids. So you're going to take care of this thing? I'm going to take care of it. We're going to have a meeting. The thing we talked about.
You know, the thing about the guy? Yeah. The guy who's gone, right? That guy. I love the way they talk and their code, right? Yeah. Did you ever know anybody who was connected? No, my father worked in the hair business, still does. He's a hairstylist, and my mother was a secretary. We didn't really play around in the mob circles. Right.
I mean, we grew up in the northwest suburbs of Arlington Heights in Chicago. There was really no... I was not casting as... No, no. I mean, there was no... I know. It's not like, you know, maybe you would think or someone would think, oh, you're Italian. Did you come across any heavy hitters growing up? Sometimes...
the way you speak, you'll come to a sentence and it will just force me to talk like another mobster from any one of many mob movies. We haven't even gotten to Goodfellas. Okay. There's no encounters. No, I am not that person who thinks that all Italian Americans are in the mafia. And they had good reason to be
about that. I mean, that's part of the subplot of the making of The Godfather. Did you see that...
Oh, it was, I think, a Paramount show. Yeah, The Offer. The Offer. Did you watch that? I watched it. It was fascinating. I thought it was fantastic. Really. I have no reason to plug this fucking thing. It's on a competing network. But it really was. Yeah. And I became a Miles Teller fan from that. Before that, he just kind of like always played boys, I thought. And then it's like, oh, there's a man there. Yeah.
Hollywood needs more of those kind of sturdy actors. Like in the day, it was like, you know, Spencer Tracy. You know, not some matinee idol looking guy, just a pair of balls, hit your mark and bark, you know, and a sense of integrity about him. But you think that's lacking? Well, I mean, that's society, though.
I think it reflects the times. Now, that's interesting. Back then, you had people with balls, and now it doesn't seem to be that way. And listen, I'm hoping it comes back and cyclical, and maybe we'll see that time again. But I don't know. I mean, you're a dying breed. Meaning? Thoughtful or just old? Which was what are you saying? You're going to die soon.
Well, I tell you, I may be dying, but until I am, I'm going to be living. Well, you're certainly living. Yeah. No. Well, it's good to meet you. I was always curious about you. Well, I appreciate it. I appreciate you having me on. My sister is a huge fan of yours, and she was like, well, my God, you're doing a show. She's beside herself. And she's connected. She's connected, yeah.
She's in the mob. And that's the way you didn't deny it for one second. You just went completely with that. So do you have anything to plug? Well, I do a podcast myself. I do two. Let's do plugs. Yeah.
I am in Las Vegas at the David Copperfield Theater. Oh, shit, they got me doing magic now. All right, whatever it takes to stay in show business. That's what the guy said when he was shoveling the shit behind the element. Remember that old joke? What, I leave show business? Okay, February 17th, 18th. Yeah, moving over to the MGM. That's very exciting. And Albuquerque, January 28th.
At the Kiva Auditorium. Oh, I've been there. You must have played at the Kiva Auditorium in Albuquerque. No. No? No. Never played Albuquerque? I might have played a casino there, but not a... What do you got against Albuquerque? I got nothing against it. It's just there's not a lot of Italians there.
Oh, it's not somebody else's territory. Is it, Sebastian? We wouldn't want to stay out of territory. We don't want to start a war. It's bad blood. You need them every 10 years. Cleans out the bad blood. But what are your plugs? What are my plugs? Just the Pete and Sebastian show. It's a podcast. I do another comedian, Pete Correale. Yes. And Daddy vs. Doctor. You'll love this. I'm doing it.
My pediatrician and I hooked up. We're doing a podcast, basically taking callers' questions in regards to their kids and pediatrics, and he provides medical advice and I kind of provide the humor. Families are off limits, right? Families are off limits. Families are always off limits. Families, kids, and wives. We don't touch them. Horse's head, that's fine. How about that scene?
What a great scene. That house is actually down the street. Did you know that? Is that right? Yeah. The way they shot that? Yeah. It looks familiar. I bet you they used it for a thousand things when they want that like super like bar of an era. I went to go look at it. It was for sale. Not that I was going to buy it at all. I just was so curious about the house that we went to just go take a walk around the grounds. It's literally down this, really, if you go down this street, it's on your right-hand side, about a mile down.
I love the way Tom Hagen never loses his temper in that scene when the guy's ranting and raving and he...
Thank you for a lovely evening. Now, if you'll have your car, take me back to the airport. Mr. Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately. He never, like, fights back while the guy is ranting and raving. And she was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had. Just to show you it's not all about dollars and cents. And then Johnny Fontaine comes along with his olive oil charm and made me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can't afford to look ridiculous. Now you get out of here!
And you tell if any of those goombas come out of the woodwork. That's the way I say goodbye to all my guests. This is unheard of, guys. Are you listening to this back there? This is amazing. Tell your Italian friends I'm available for parties. I can do all the mafia dialogue. I feel like we did full circle from Mob Week to this. It's just... Oh, yes, Mob Week. You're right. You're right. I bet you Mob Week that we met and the whole thing was about mob. I forgot that. It must be the pot.
Are you sure you don't want to try pot? No, no. Okay. I think I got enough from what you were doing. Yeah. Stephen A. Smith was just telling me that he thinks when he was here, he got a contact high. And I don't really think there's such a thing as a contact high. But you know what? I'm so used to pot, it probably, I need more. I mean, not like a crazy amount. I didn't even finish that giant stogie. Do you sleep well? Yeah. Yeah.
Why? What did you hear? No. No. Yeah. Basically, I mean, like, you know, as well as I did when I was 24, absolutely not. I mean, you have more things on your mind. It's harder to turn your mind off. You get up once in the night to pee once if you're lucky. I know people who do it more. But, you know.
Do you sleep well? Can you turn off your mind? It's on. It's on. Yeah. I mean, I have to get into bed like a couple hours before I'm asleep, like an hour of watching TV and an hour of probably just lying in bed before I fall asleep. Yeah. But...
I do it, goddammit. I do it. Well, good for you. Because you have to get your sleep. Oh, absolutely. So, anyway. Pleasure. Pleasure, brother. Now that I know you live right up the road. Give me a call. Come down here and you can come up there. I got kids, though, so maybe I come down here. Yeah, maybe you can. Yeah, the kids are five and two? Three, yeah. Yeah, you come down here. Yeah.