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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. I hope you had other things to do in town. You didn't fly in just for me. But I would fly in just for you. Thank you. I always say, don't keep a billionaire waiting. So what else are you doing in town? I've just got some meetings for Cost Plus Drugs. Just out there, just talking it up. For what? CostPlusDrugs.com company I'm doing.
Oh, I know you're big on that. I mean, I'm always going after the pharmaceutical industry. I don't know if we're going after them for the same things. I'm certainly on your page for that too. But I am always on the tip of it's a bigger problem, which is that America uses too many pharmaceuticals, turns to that solution.
Don't get me started on COVID or do. Either way. I don't know where you are on that. Obviously, people needed, lots of people were saved by the vaccine and needed the vaccine. Right. And some people didn't need it and don't want to be told what to do. And every medical intervention is a very personal choice about your personal health.
So, you know, I don't know if that's all in your thing. I know you just want to get the cost down, right? Yeah, I mean, you know, the fact that people have to make a choice between rent, food, and medication is just wrong. Well, I would always pick medication. You know, sometimes it's what works. What do you drink? Just beer.
That's all you drink? Pretty much now, yeah. Why? I hate beer. See, I'm just like a sip and enjoy. Some people... See, my problem is I have two speeds, on and off. And so if I go...
I go. Oh, and then you crash? No, I just go too hard. I'll just do stupid shit, you know? Oh, you're talking about doing drinking? Yeah, just drinking, right? I mean, it's not like, I'm not just a, let's do one shot, you know? Let's have one drink. You were that way all your life? Pretty much, yeah. Really? Yeah. I didn't picture you that way. Oh, yeah, I go hard. Like, up until how recently?
Up until probably my kids got to be teenagers and it was more about the example. How long ago was that? My kids are 13, 16, and 19. So it's still going. You are still capable of... Oh, yeah. I could go hard. Yeah. I mean, I own a basketball team. Those guys go hard. I know, but they're so much younger than you. That's why they can't. So? You party with them? I have. I mean, not as often as I used to. Really? Yeah. I mean, I used to take pride in being able to keep up.
Isn't that hard to get close like that and then you might have to trade him or you don't care? No, I mean, because it's a business. It's like you transfer somebody to another office.
You know, they're still going to get paid. It's not as... That is such an interesting way to put it. Yeah. You're transferring someone to another... You are. Yeah, there's only 450 players in the league at the top level, right? Right. And they know they're one of the 450, so it's not like all of a sudden they're out of the league. They're still getting paid, and it can be disappointing at times. Well, you're phasing people out of the league all the time. Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's a Darwinian system. Very much so. That's why we love sports, is because it's like everything else in the country...
seems to devolve away from meritocracy, right? For reasons that are somewhat valid and sometimes very valid, you know? It's all different, right? But sports? But sports? You play to win. There is not one. I never doubt that those 450s
are the best 450. And it's insane. I mean, everybody's played basketball at some point. And what other industry can say that? None. Certainly not the sociology department. No, no academic institution anywhere can say that.
Or really almost any institution. No, for sure, right? I mean, whether it's government, whether it's a major corporation, academic, there's so much bullshit these days because you have to have people who manage people, who try to watch out for people's feelings, and it's just... I have no doubt that those are the best 450, but the refs,
That's been an expensive topic for me. Oh, that's right. I could find a lot. But if you were seeing our game last night. I find, not to make everything political, but in general, I must tell you,
And you know, I was a minority owner of the Mets. Did you know that for 10 years? Yeah. So I have, I know what it's like to be able to have a box and all that stuff and feel, and also lose money. I lost a fortune. That's crazy. Capital calls. Yes. And then made a lot of
- Well, that's 'cause that was the owner at the time that got hit by Madoff, right? - Correct, the Wilpons. - The Wilpons, that's the Wilpons. - And now, Stevie Cohen, I'm sure he's a buddy of yours. - No, not. - No, really? - No, it's not like "Billionaire's Hangout." That's not my crew. - Yeah, they think the same thing about people in show business. - Right. - It's like you all know each other. - You all know each other. No, fuck no. - But I must say, sports is too regulated. I will see somebody make the most incredible catch
And then they'll watch, of course, the replay like the Zapruder film. Right. And it just, the ball like jiggled a tiny tenth of an inch and they take the catch away. And I just want to go, fuck you. Fuck this.
That's because you don't own the team anymore. No, no, no. This is football I'm talking about. I'm talking about football. A guy makes a catch, and it's an amazing catch, sideline, toe-tapping, the pass is perfect. And in the old days when they didn't have replay, of course it would just be like, oh, I always want to go close enough, you assholes. Close enough. Yeah, but you know, how else are they going to fill the time in football? There's only like 12 minutes of real football in a football game.
But I feel like there is a parallel with that and the feeling of being overregulated as a citizen, which we know in California. I'm all for, you know, intelligent liberal moves, but like this state is nuts. Yeah, they do go a little bit overboard. I could not live here as a permanent resident just because taxes and the regulation. Yeah, I love coming out here, but I'm a visitor.
And those are the reasons, taxes and regulation. That's a big part of it. Yeah. Just because, I mean, look what's happened in San Francisco. I mean, an entire industry is getting pushed out. You know, the whole technology industry went from, okay, this is growth. This is, you know, the new thing. And now, you
You know, it's just about people shitting on the street. I was going to say the cleaning up the shit off the street industry is doing really well. You know, the apps that say where you can go take a shit. Cleaning broken glass industry. You know, just smashing. I mean, I don't want to add to the shit on the street and take a dump on San Francisco. I love San Francisco. I think we all love San Francisco.
No, you never did? No, I've never been a big San Francisco fan at all. You know, I know what you mean. It's a little clicky. Pretentious as fuck, right? Being in the tech industry, everybody is the smartest motherfucker in the world if you live in Silicon Valley. Well, and also too politically correct.
Not so much anymore. As for a comedian. Maybe, yeah, maybe. It's the kind of place that's like, oh, I know you think you're smarter, but you're not. First of all, you're not smarter than the people in Tulsa who come to my show anyway. Right. And they're a whole lot more fun. I mean, the attitudes, I mean, it's just like we're tech bros. We're tech bros. Of course we're smarter. We went to Harvard. We went to MIT. We're in tech. We're in tech.
You just can't hang, right? You don't know what the fuck is going on. I do all I can not to let any of my investments work out of Silicon Valley. Well, tech is, I mean, just because you're good at tech doesn't mean you're the smartest person in the world. No. Oh, okay. Yeah. Right. You're good at that one thing, which is very important. It's a vital. But they're not even that good at.
They're just there to pretend that they're good at it, right? You know, because if it was, look, there's a lot of capital there so that people follow the money. I get that, right? But the pretentiousness and the attitude and the expectations and the arrogance, like it's just a business.
And you can be good anywhere in the world. Hopefully you'll come here to this country and, you know, make the choice like immigrants used to and come here and start companies. But I'd rather start a business in Dallas all day, every day. I will not go to San Francisco. Oh, I know, of course. And...
Or Florida. You know, I mean, this, no, look, I hear this from so many people I know who, you know, again, the woke will cast this as some sort of too conservative. No, we're not conservatives. No. We're not conservatives. It's just like, you guys don't get it. Woke and liberal are two different things. They're very often the fucking opposite of each other. Yeah. So don't lump and then be like, anybody to the right of woke is a conservative. No. No.
People just want to live. Freedom should be a liberal thing. The word is, that's what liber means, free. Right. And look, we can have different attitudes, but just the idea of people getting classified as woke or non-woke.
conservative. We don't talk about ideas anymore. We don't talk about solutions anymore. I do. We talk about categories. You do. Yeah, I do all the time. Yeah, for sure. I mean, but generally people just want to classify you. Well, what they know, what they want to do is just hear what they already think they know and root for the team. And I always say people need deprogramming. And then it struck me, no, idiot.
They like programming. They like being programmed. They don't, of course they don't want to be deprogrammed. Here's what I think. Here's what I think. So my generation, I'm 64 years old. I'm a boomer, right? And we grew up sex, drugs, and rock and roll. So it's so disappointing that we evolved to be the Fox News generation, the News Nation generation, all these TV stations that dictate to my peers what to think. And thinking about it, it was like, how did this happen?
Well, we grew up thinking TV was authoritative. TV was the authority in any subject. Right. You know, Walter Cronkite says it. Yeah. Dan Rather says it. Yeah. It's gospel. Right. Right. I heard it on the news. How many times did parents say to us? You're right. I heard it on the news. Now, that doesn't just leave you. You know, it's not like all of a sudden you get to be 65 years old and you stop thinking everything you learned for the first 30, 40 years of your life. So when you turn on Fox News or whatever, Newsmax,
If it's on the news, it's right.
And so they just believe it. Nobody questions it. But that's also true of MSNBC. Well, yes, but they don't have the size of audience, you know, and I don't... Well, but they have a very influential audience because their audience is the media and the people who... Well, that's the difference. See, the difference there is in terms of influence is one thing, right? But you would hope that media and somebody else is not taking it as gospel. Like they're questioning it. They may watch it. But there are people who are saying...
This is right. What Bill Hemme or whoever on Fox says, it's accurate. I hadn't done MSNBC in a while, but I did Ari Melber's show a couple weeks ago.
I like him a lot. I think he's a big talent who actually could do a different kind of show. Especially with all the hip-hop references. Well, not that kind of show. But I realized when I was on there for a long time that the things that they cover, certainly not what I would have considered the most important stories of the day, just the stories that most make their audience go, yes,
Exactly. He's terrible. Oh, yes. Good. Something bad happened to him. Great. Yes. Oh, she's great. I love her. And yes, something good about her. And it's like, okay. I mean, it's not about like, it's sort of like when a cop pulls you over for a taillight, like,
Can a cop pull you over all the time for anything and find something? Yeah, they could. It's what you choose to cover. It's not like these things didn't happen. It's what you, it's your perspective. And what you're trying to accomplish. And are you really trying to find the truth? You know, a lot of people send me things and, you know, a lot of times I just, if I said something to them, it would just be like, I get it. You want me to see this. But when I check it out,
it doesn't look like it was sent by someone who really wants the truth. It's just like your side. You want your side verified. And then when I check it out, it's like, okay, this thing wasn't wrong. There was one study that said that. You just didn't tell me about the eight studies that said the- That said something different, right. Yeah, so there's one study in Israel, yeah. So you're not-
not interested in the truth. You're interested in confirming what you already believe, and I'm not interested in that. Without question, right? On social media, you go on Twitter, which is another question for it, but you want to engage with somebody who's going to challenge you intellectually, right? We do. Yeah. Lots of people, that's the exact opposite of what I'm saying.
No, I call it, you know, checking my whole card, right? And it's just like, I want to know if I'm right. And so I'll push it out on Twitter just for the whole point of someone saying, no, you're fucked up and you're wrong, right? But you can't have, especially now, you can't do that anymore. And with television, to your point, it's just about getting people fired up on their side. And, you know, how do you fix it? You know, what comes next? I don't know. You're the fix guy. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what, I mean...
You've got enough on your plate with this drug thing. By the way, I do think it's awesome that you're doing this. Appreciate that. I mean, you know, it's...
you know, the Republicans used to say about rich people, you know, like we shouldn't be punishing success. And I agree with that. I also agree that we need to, you know, tax, you know, intelligently and... Yeah, I don't mind paying more taxes. I don't either. I've said it's the most patriotic thing. Well, not more. Well, I mean, there's a limit, right? Yeah. I mean, I pay more than half. Yeah, so do I. So I feel like half is already a lot. It's a lot, yeah. Like, so, like, I don't mind doing it because I do think...
I look at it philosophically. I think being rich, no offense, because you're very rich, is like a little bit of a fluke because you could have been born at another time in history. I'm the luckiest motherfucker in the world. Tell jokes, figure out code, whatever it is. We get to sit here and get fucked up, whatever works, right? But so looking at it philosophically, I don't feel like, oh,
I'm owed this because I'm, no, it's a lucky thing. So, okay, so I don't mind paying, but just don't like give me the line that the Bernie Sanders, you know, the rich don't pay anything. They don't pay anything. I pay mortgages.
More than half. I did. I did my tax. My federal taxes, I paid 38% just on federal taxes. Right. Right. Not property taxes, not everything else. And California's 13. Yeah. So. I'm already over 50. And then there's, you know. Everything else. You know, lots of, you know, my fishing and hunting license. I'm kidding. Your rifle, yeah. Well, rifle I do have.
Not a fidget hunting license, but I mean, you live in Texas. You must have guns. No, I don't. No guns? I hire people to have guns. You hire people. That's a baller move. Yeah. You know who never, ever gets any respect? Who's that? Henchmen.
- Henchmen? - Yeah. Like in movies. - What have you been smoking? No one brings up henchmen. - Henchmen, well because you apparently have henchmen. - No, I don't have henchmen. - It sounds like you have henchmen. - No, I have no henchmen. - You just said I hire people to have them. - Yeah, but there's only certain circumstances that I do that, right? - Okay, how many are we talking about?
73? No, I'm just kidding. I watch old-time black-and-white movies, and I look for the best henchmen. It's like the bad guy in his underground volcano lair. Whatever bad guy is taking... He always has henchmen. He always has henchmen. Because, like, the good guy has to kill, like, all the henchmen, and then he gets...
And then he gets to like the bad guys. Oh my God. It's like Jimmy Cagney like comes out of retirement. No, now they kill like a hundred guys, you know, John Wick and people like that. Right, right, right, right, right. So you kill all the henchmen and then you kill the bad guy's main dude. He's always got like a main dude. Right, right.
And then you kill the bad guy. Oh, my God. But no one feels bad for the henchmen. And I feel like it's just a job. They're not really bad people. And no one cares when they get killed. They're just getting a paycheck. Yeah, right? It's like they got a family. It's like they took a job. Oh, somebody's got to take that job, right? Yeah.
world needs henchmen. And they're not cheap. No. Henchmen are not cheap. Henchmen are not cheap. It's good work. I feel like they should unionize. But no one feels bad when the henchmen get shot. And I feel like...
And I feel like that just shows what schmucks people are. Oh, my God. They have no pathos for the henchmen. None. Do you smoke pot? Not anymore. No, you used to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened? I just, one, I have a heart condition. I have AFib, so they told me, you know, nothing. Really? And pot's bad for that? Yeah. Might be good. No. No, trust me, not for me. Oh. Yeah. Thank God I don't have that. No, but I did. I was never a big pot smoker, though. I mean, it was like in college. Me neither. Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't have a lot of limits back then, but I wasn't a big pot smoker. Yeah. Let me talk about when I quit. Well, anyway, what were we talking about before the henchman? Oh, you hire people with that. Yeah, yeah. I'm just... Yeah. Well, you know what? Maybe this is just my paranoia, but...
A number of world leaders have been assassinated by their own Praetorian Guard, Indira Gandhi, Anwar Sadat. It's got to be especially, well, you know, sort of depressing for you to realize that
that your own people are the ones who turned on you. I don't have that many henchmen. I qualify my henchmen. My henchmen get good benefits. Just make sure your henchmen don't turn on you. My henchmen, I live like a normal life for the most part. What kind of, what life do you live? I see you don't even have socks. No, man, because I forgot them. You need some money, I can lend you some money. I literally worked out and then I had, oh shit, all I got is my funky socks. Are you in a hotel?
- All out here? - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, 'cause you know, I have guest houses. - Oh, I know, I appreciate it. - I know Elon Musk is couch surfing these days. - Yeah, you know. - Put you guys together. - That would not work. - You could be sleeping in the same bed like the Three Stooges and blowing a feather with your snorkel. - Squeeze over, squeeze box. - Did you used to work the Three Stooges? - Oh my God, I saw them in person.
The Three Stooges. Yes. And also Abbott and Costello. Yes. And Lauren Lurie. It's so funny. Before the gay era. But they used to introduce each other, like Abbott and Costello, as my partner. And yet they were in no specific business. No. Oh, my God. I used to watch Mom, Pop, Kettle. And they had this one little bit where, you know, they all would get into the room and be like, squeeze over, squeeze box. Right.
So my brothers and I would do it when we were growing up. I have two brothers in one bed. And then with my kids, right, we'd all be sitting there watching a movie. Squeeze over, squeeze box.
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So are your kids insufferably woke? No. No? Oh, fuck no. Because you live in Dallas? No, it's not even that. I think, you know, they're 13, 16, and 19, and, you know, my oldest is, you know, adamantly pro-choice, but we don't talk a lot of politics in our house. I mean, we don't. I don't try to push anything on them. I want them to think. Because all my friends, at least the ones, like, on the coasts, who are, like, our age, and they have kids who are usually, like, in their 20s and stuff like that, and they all...
bitch endlessly about their fucking woke kids. And these are, again, these are liberal people. These are not people who are voting for Trump. You know, in a social media era, everybody has to virtue signal in their own way, right? By the clothes you wear or don't wear, by the places you go, by the people you're associated with, because every single person, particularly if you're
13 to 25, you're a brand, you know, and you manage your social media. I mean, we see it in the NBA. These kids come in, you know, with a million followers and they know what to wear, what not to wear. And so when my daughter's on TikTok or either my daughter's on TikTok or my son, there's a way to do it. And you don't have to necessarily be political, but you're sending messages. Well, I mean, it is a whole different ballgame owning a team
managing a team, coaching a team in this day and age with the kind of kids coming up and how they were raised and so forth. It's,
I'm sure, I mean, I'm kind of pulling this out of my ass, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I've read this and heard this and talked to people who said it, that, I mean, the coach, it just can't be that old school. No, it's changed 180 degrees. Do it my way and give me 20. No, fuck, give me 20 push-ups. These guys, right, they just don't stand for it. It's not even that. They want to be coached, right, but you have to connect to them.
Connecting to a 20-year-old today, you have to recognize who they are because they've told the world who they are in their social media. And if you don't know, then...
you're not being a coach, right? You're not going to be able to have a... But what does that entail, knowing who they are? Yeah, look at you. Like, I follow all my guys on social media. So you know their tastes? Yeah, you know what they're about. And look, they're not... What they do in their DMs is a whole lot different than what they show publicly. But just getting a sense for who they are and what they're into...
It's a lot easier today than it used to be. What are they into in their DMs? I'm more interested in that. Oh, just women. Yeah, just women. Just women. Oh, my God. I'm sure. Are you on social media? No. No. Not really. Yeah, I don't remember seeing you. But I'm just telling you, at my age, I get some freaky shit from women. And I can't even imagine what these young, good-looking guys making a lot of money. And just the stories they tell me are just insane.
So how do you see the freaky shit? Oh, because they just send it to me in my DMs, you know? Oh, you're hot. Yeah, right. I'm rich. So... Wait, but...
Okay, I don't even understand, I guess. I thought you had to know someone to have a direct message. Anybody can direct message you? Yeah, so you just follow me and I have mine open so that if you follow me and you want to send me a message, 99%- No, I should. Every year I make it a New Year's resolution to get into social media and then I don't do it. Whatever I know about it just makes me go, God, what a fucking waste of time and what a minefield. Don't you feel like it's a minefield of potential? Oh, yeah. Well, then-
But I guess you have to do it for business, right? I have to do it for business. It's a platform to promote. It is. But it's also a way to learn, right? Because everybody just tells you who they are. You're right. You know, and you see, I'm just telling you, as fucked up as TikTok is, it is the best parental tool in the world. Right. Because all I have to do, because, you know, the way TikTok works, it's not about who you follow. It's about an artificial intelligence that, you know, based off of what you watch, it sends you more of it.
So if I want to know what my kids are into, I just look at their TikTok feed. And it's like, you know, you and I, when we were growing up, we'd be like, yeah, dad, yeah, mom, whatever, whatever. And our parents had no idea. None. Now it's really easy to figure out. I mean, I talk to people in their 20s. You know, I'm not married. Just leave it at that. I'll drink to that, too. It never happened. So, like, I...
I'm endlessly fascinated. But I need to hear it from the horse's mouth. I'm just not a social... First of all, I just think... You will get laid a thousand times more if you were on social media. I don't care. Okay. Well, you will have interesting conversations a thousand times more. And you know what? But people... First of all, I don't trust anything that's in the cloud. Like, I just don't...
I'm not interested, first of all. And I just don't want to put my shit out there. You get to control it. I don't think, you know, so they say. Now, what people say about you, they're going to say anyways. When people are going to give you shit, that's irrelevant whether you're on social. I've seen too many people embarrassed. Like if you do something stupid, right? Yeah. No, just because, you know, it's just embarrassing to, it's like seeing a celebrity on the subway. It's like, what the fuck are you doing here? Right.
You would take the subway? I don't want to be, no, subway? Yes. What? Yes. With the rats and pushing on the tracks? Why the fuck would I do that? No, the pushing on the tracks, not so much. Would you? Yes. You, a billionaire, would take the subway? Yeah, you put a hat on, you know, you're just nice to people. Put a hat on? Yeah, it's easy. Um,
Well, good, you do you. Me, I'm like, I don't have your kind of money, so whatever money I do have. I think of money as like cushions. When I started out, I had no cushions. My ass was right on the cold hard bed. I was right there with you. I was right there with you. And you know what it feels like. And then at a certain point in my 20s, I feel like, oh, I have one cushion. Yeah.
It's not the greatest, but it's a cushion. It's like, you know, I'm sitting on something. One cheek is taken care of. Right. And then I got two and three. And, you know, now I got, you know. All the cushions you need. Yeah. I'm just like lying on a, like a sultan on a bunch of fucking pillows and cushions. So, yeah.
I forget what that was all about. But for some reason, it was very important to me to explain that I have cushions. I'm just telling you, social media, if you know how to use it and you have a little bit of control, right? No, you're so right. It's fun.
I totally agree with you. Like when I get these naked pictures, I can't respond to them, right? I won't respond. Naked pictures. Yes. But it's insane. You know, these 20-something-year-old women and a couple times men, it's just like, oh, you're hot. Oh, I think you're so special. And you ignore it, but it's fun to get them. Okay. So you're talking about, you're saying the reason why you don't want to do this.
You're saying you can't trust these people. You don't think they're sincere. No. And there's no way you can evaluate sincerity over the phone with just pictures and text. Of course not. It's designed to be opaque. So why would I want to enter into that? Because.
Because it's entertaining. You're right. I should. No, I'm not... No, really. You don't have to like... You don't have to like, oh, wife potential number one. I never defend the things about me that I feel are deficient. I want to...
Better them. I want to do this. I'm the same way. I'm not arguing with you. I'm the same way, yeah. I really do. Like we were talking before about, like, I love to say, I don't know, because then I learn something, okay? To me, being curious is like... And I don't want to be like, no, I do everything great. No, I do this horribly. And I want to be better. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, because just that's what keeps you going, right? Just that curiosity about life. That's what gets me all jazzed up, right? Because, you know, and it sounds corny and cheesy and everything. Maybe you'll mentor me.
on social media no oh on social media yeah for sure really yeah for sure you take a day out and mentor me it'll take about 16 minutes and that's about it it's really it's not that tough you know you're so right it's just willpower it's just i'm just afraid of it and like again i feel like it's a bunch of phony you stand up and do comedy in front of people that you don't know and you literally open up yourself to that they know me yeah but still they bought a ticket they
know me. And they're coming to have a good time, but still. Right. Social media is the same way. No one's going to DM you or reply to you because they don't know you. Hey, and it's funny as fuck when I get those, right? You know, I never knew who you were, but you look really interesting. Really? Yes, it is bullshit, obviously. So you just read it for amusement. Yes. But
But you certainly, with all your zillions of followers, you can't possibly read all of them. No, no, no. But it's really easy. So you just sample them? Yeah, and it's really easy. Like, you can tell sometimes if it's a kid and they have a question about something, then it's really nice to respond, you know? Kids are on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like little kids? Yeah, you know, 13 and old, 15, 16, 18-year-old. But, you know, it's like you get questions about being in media or doing comedy, right? How'd you get started? And, you know, most of the time...
It's hard to deal with everybody to respond to those. But it feels good every now and then. Hey, I'm looking at starting a business. Can you help me? I always tell kids the same thing. I got started the old-fashioned way by giving blowjobs under a bridge. Oh, okay. And you should too, kids. Don't be too proud to blow people under a bridge. Jesus, these kids today, they're just so entitled. They won't do what they need to do.
No. Too funny. So there was something I wanted to ask you. You know, as you can tell, this is like zero agenda show. No, I love it. I love it, right? Isn't it great? Yes. You notice I've been cracking up half the show, right? I know. That's what I said. You know, there was a million podcasts. And I said, yeah, but there's a big...
hole for one that's like not looking like a shot in the day, you know, with big penis microphones in front of your face. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, exactly. It's like, it's a little, like, can't we just be like, I really am off camera? Yes. It's like, imagine if political debates, you had to take a shot between every question, right? So, you know, you get the true person. Nobody else here, the cameras are built into the walls. We're just
two guys and it's like you're a guy I always wanted to know well I appreciate that and like it's so a little sad that people like us we only really get to know each other when we work together yeah it's true it's like our work is so you know I've said to people before like I never married obviously I had kids my show is my kid yeah
So that's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. No, man. You know, we're so fucking lucky because we get to make our own choices.
You know, people are like, you know, what is the best part about being rich? Freedom. Freedom, right? Money is another word for freedom. Time. I get to control my time. When I was poor, I did not even have the freedom to eat what I wanted. And many poor people don't. I used to go to the grocery store at midnight because they lowered the price of chicken and these big French fries, right, to $1.29. That's a great story. And I would buy a bunch of them. I was the guy.
Wow. I would walk down and we'd have my friends and it'd be like, okay, stand there. And I'd take the cheese whiz, open the top, oh, look at the back. Oh, my God. Yeah, just dump shit like that. When I was at Cornell, the Cornell bookstore where you bought all, you know, it was used textbooks. That's how college works. But they also had like just tons of books. And they had a system where there were tables of books lined
What was on the tables on Monday cost a dollar and it would go down every day so that by Friday it was 10 cents if the book was still there on Friday. I would go in on Monday. Hide the book? Many books. Notice I knew exactly. You know how I got my first car in Dallas? The way I got my first car in Dallas, when I drove from Indiana to Dallas, I had a hole in my floorboard, right? Obama had that.
He told the story in 60 minutes. There was a hole. Yeah, I could see the lines go by. And Michelle goes, yeah, remember, we could see the road. It was, and then, you know, I had to put in oil every 60 miles, whatever. And so that car was dead. And so I was driving around with my buddies and I was, I had credit cards cut up. I had, you know, bill collectors. And I saw a car on the side of the road and it wasn't fucked up. I told him,
I told my buddy, stop, stop, right? Because I knew from my own personal experience that someone had abandoned that because they couldn't make the payment. So it's unlocked. And right on the, I'll never forget, right on the seat, there is a little envelope that was a little bit thick, right? Meaning there was loan papers in there. I called the bank the next day and I said, I found this car for you because I know you were looking for it. Can I take over the payments?
And they said, since you got it for us, yes. And that's how I got my first car. So that would never happen today. No, the car would be jacked. No, because you'd never get a human on the phone. Well, that's true, true. Yeah, that's true, too. But I called right to the bank. You'd never get a human who could actually make that decision. Yeah, that's true. We seem to go to this, everything is moving toward this unhuman place, you know, where
Dating is just by you can't date that way you have to look in someone's eyes you have to feel their presence Yeah, you know - you can't do it over an app. Yeah, I'm outside the app range right because you know being married and everything but My wife is hot. I like to fuck my wife so I'm good there But yeah, I mean
But that's your social media thing, right? You've got to just connect to that. I'd say I like online. I really, really do because it gives you access to everybody. I mean, this is where the world has moved. You have such an advantage if...
You have such an advantage over me, not that we're in competition. We're like in the godfather. Your business doesn't conflict with mine, so go ahead. Get into heroin. I don't give a fuck. I'm the godfather. But no, our businesses don't conflict. But you have such an advantage because you naturally acclimated to this. Yeah.
And we're basically the same age. But some people do. And some people don't. I'm into new shit, right? If it's new. But the funny thing is, I am too. Even more than almost everybody I know because I never got married. Because I never had kids. I never got stuck in...
in like the okay i'm now the past paradigm like i'm not young but i'm also the latest version of me which is cool as fuck right and i never really changed my lifestyle but that brings up another question right you know we're at that age where in your mind you're like okay am i supposed to act my age right what is acting my age and i fight that shit i fight my friend has a great saying he's actually quoting somebody i forget who don't let the old man in
- 100%, yeah. - And it's so easy not to. Well, I mean, not easy, you have to work at it to a degree, but it's so worth it. - It's so easier to fall in, 'cause everybody expects you to, right? How you dress, where you go, what you do, what you drink, what you look like, exactly. - Exactly. - How you do your hair, what clothes you wear. - Look, the one thing you can't control is how you look. You're going to age. - Well, people in Beverly Hills will tell you different. But father time is undefeated. - The difference between how people
took care of themselves. The way it shows up at people are, now you could take care of yourself horribly in your mid thirties. You probably don't look that different than somebody else in their mid thirties. At our age,
It can be night and day. Enormous. I mean, there are people who can't walk. No, it's crazy, right? And they're decrepit. Now we have friends who are dying, and it's fucking freaky as fuck. And dead people. Right? Because you get a sense of your own mortality. Not to get morbid in all this, but it's just like when people die, you feel bad for their families. And look, it's...
And then people are saying, well, it's easy for you to, yes, you're right. It is easier to be healthy and live longer when you're doing well. Absolutely. Not just materially well, but feeling good about yourself, which materially well is part of, yes. But it's not the main thing, but it's just like,
It's not the money itself, although that's good too. But it's the mindset. Yes, it's like, oh. You don't have to be rich to fucking just say, let's go out and dance. Right. Right, or just, you know what? It's great to listen to 70s music, but I'm going to put on Taylor Swift because I want to know what the fuck is Taylor Swift. You apparently go to the subway. Right, I do. Because I want to know.
- I don't know why. - When I go to New York, I stay up right around Columbus Circle. I'll walk right down to the Alphabet Street. Straight shot, just walk around. - Well, walking in New York, I agree. - It's beautiful. - Okay. - Yeah. - But the subway? - I don't mind, I don't mind. - Did you ever see the "Taking a Pill" on 123? - Yes, I saw the original, motherfucker! - I just saw it again, it's fantastic. - Oh, that was fucking cool.
crazy. You know, put aside whoever it was, John Travolta or whoever. That was the remake. Yeah, that was the remake. It was okay, but it was a different kind of look. But the original I saw in a theater, right? Walter Matthau. Yes. Oh, that was a classic. Robert Shaw. Yes. Straight from Jaws. That was a classic. I saw it with my dad, actually. Yes. Yes, it was a classic. Do you remember the ending, the sneeze? No, I don't. Well, spoiler alert, because none of you kids are going to watch this, but you should. It's awesome. The...
Four guys hijack a train, and Martin Balsam, the whole time, he's one of the hijackers. He's on the radio. Gesundheit, says Walter Mather, who works for the subway. He's the subway cop. So he knows he's got a cold, you know. And then they go at the end of the movie. They catch the guys. One guy gets away. They don't know who it is. They're checking all the people who used to work for the subway system. And he goes to Martin Balsam's apartment. He interviews them. And, okay, we can't do anything. It's probably not you. They leave the...
And he sneezes. Bam! And then the last shot is just Walter Matthau, his head through the door. See, okay, that brings up another point, right? It's just awesome. Because you can't fall into that trap, well, it was great back then and it sucks now. No, this one is good. No, that was a great movie, but you know what I'm saying, right? Many movies do not hold up. But it's not even about the movies holding up, it's just us and personally how people approach aging, right? And if you get into that mindset, well, it was great back then and it sucks now, you're fucked. Right.
But you know what never changes in movies? What's that? Henchmen. The henchmen, yeah. They're always fucking killing henchmen. Always killing henchmen. And nobody gives a shit. Oh, I remember. What? There was, like I was saying before...
Obviously, this is not a show I put any thought into, which is the way I want to do it, 'cause this is not, 'cause again, I wanted to do something that was exactly like my life. Who puts thought into like, oh good, I'm gonna meet Mark Cuban for dinner, what, I'm gonna take notes?
But there is one thing, but I might say to myself, there's one thing I really want to ask him about, which is Bitcoin. Because I've been very anti-Bitcoin, and I don't think you are. And then recently, there was a Bitcoin dive, and I must tell you, I'm rooting against Bitcoin. Never against you. I love you even more now that I got to know you. I'm rooting against Bitcoin. I want Bitcoin to go down a lot further so I can buy some more. Because have you ever bought gold? What do you think about gold?
What do you think about gold? I think it's good when you're trying to get laid. Right? But no, not when you're wearing gold. Yeah, come on, baby. No. Like, would you buy gold as an investment? I have gold. Okay. Everybody likes to have... You know what? If you have gold, you're dumb as fuck. Well, I mean, it never...
- It's a small part, it's like a hedge against everything else. - It's a hedge against everything but-- - Yes it is. Would I be all in gold? No. - No, but it's not a hedge against anything, right? What it is is a store of value and you don't own the physical gold, do you? - No, no, of course, well, who the fuck knows? What I know is that it never goes away. It's always worth something, you can always sell it. - Just like Bitcoin.
Bitcoin, gold is a store of value and so is Bitcoin. That is an apt analogy. Because you don't hold the gold. But the world is not run by gold. No, it's not. And it's not run by Bitcoin either. I can't deny that. Although it is based on actually mining something, which is crazily, that's why we got off the gold standard, because it's crazy to hook a currency to what you can find in the ground.
But you and your ownership, you don't own the gold bar. And if everything went to hell in a handbasket and you had a gold bar, you know what would happen? Someone would beat the fuck out of you or kill you and take your gold bar. And they can use the bar to hit me. To hit somebody. And that's it. What are you going to do, shave a little piece of gold so someone waves it? It's useless. The idea that currency is a state of mind. This is in, by the way, Yuval Harari's great book, Sapiens, about gold.
Humans are different than apes because humans can organize in great numbers just about an idea. Now, the idea could be we've got to go kill everybody who isn't a Christian or we've got to go kill everybody who isn't a Muslim. Those ideas, bad ideas. But like the idea that money is an idea is not wrong. No, it's right.
But we tie our money to, I mean, Apple makes something. A phone is something real that you drop in the toilet. You really need gold jewelry. No, but you're obsessed with gold. Most of the economy is not gold. Most of the economy is iPhones, which is a real thing with real value. And it's been valued at $1,000. So there's peg to something. We're talking about Bitcoin.
And Bitcoin- Which is pegged to nothing. Which is, neither is gold, really, right? Again, gold, if gold was controlling our economy right now, I would say you have a good argument. Gold is not. We got off gold in the 30s. No, you're making my point though, Bill. You're making my point. When you own gold, all you own is a digital transaction. Which is why we're not mostly in gold.
And that's fine, right? I'm not mostly a Bitcoin, right? It's just something that I own. But it's just, it's this digital transaction and it's a store of value. That's the term for it, a store of value. So people perceive that there's value associated with gold and there's value associated with Bitcoin. As Warren Buffett said,
It's just really about having something that you can sell to somebody else that has absolutely no value and then it's their problem. So it is- But that's a share of stock in like 90% of the companies out there, right? You think that? Yes, yes. You know, I can go on for days about this shit. But look, when it comes down to crypto- You think most companies are shit? It's not that- The price of a share of stock that doesn't pay a dividend is worth what somebody will pay for it.
That's it. You have a big hit with that Shark Tank thing, though. Yeah. It's 14 years. 14 years? 14 years. 13 for me. Oh, my God. It's insane, isn't it? All right.
I know you're not the guy who wants to come and just have drinks with a friend and hear this. Fuck yeah, I do. Let's get fucked up. I'm just going to put it out there. Soundproof underwear. Okay. So Bitcoin, I think, is a good investment. Soundproof underwear, not so much. And I'm not telling people to buy Bitcoin. Think about the guy who farts a lot.
You smell it, you dealt it, you know? Think about the guy. Well, but if it's soundproof, you can't prove it. That destroys the whole purpose of a fart. I'm just saying, think about it. I'm just thinking about it. I'm just saying, think about it. I hate to be that guy at the party who's like, oh, Mark Cuban, I'm going to pitch him my genius idea. Soundproof underwear? No. I guess I am. No, it's going to take a lot more alcohol for that to be good.
Well, I'm glad you drink. I'm sorry you don't smoke, but I'm not sorry. I mean, it's a personal choice. I mean, I probably should quit, but I can't think of a good reason why. Be you, right? Whatever. Yeah. I need it for everything I do that I value. I don't give a fuck. I need it. Be you. No, I know. I mean, it's probably not great for my lungs, but...
You know, I'm not obsessive with it. I save it for when I'm wanting to really have a good time.
I'm very circumspect. I feel like you're probably the same way. You like, your life is too good, you don't want to fuck it up. Isn't that the scariest thing of everything? Right? It's like something's got to go wrong. Of course. Yeah. It will. It will. No one dies healthy, right? But it's like, shouldn't. It's great. No one dies healthy. Exactly. So simple, but so true. So true, right? But it's like when things go so well, it's like, what the fuck? Something's got to happen.
Oh, yeah. Did you ever see Broadcast News? Yeah, of course. Remember that movie? Yeah. And William Hurd is the news anchor, and he has that great line. He says, you know, what do you do when everything you've dreamed of comes out better than your expectations? And Albert Brooks is like, keep it to yourself. Yeah.
That in the nest egg. You know, I'm jealous of you because you remember movie lines. I wish I could. I don't remember that shit at all. Oh, I can do like Gone with the Wind. Oh, my God. I can do The Godfather. That's insane. Some people can do impressions. Actually, you have to do the impressions for the movies. See, to me, that's a talent that I wish I had. For sure. Well.
- Yeah, I mean, your talent did pretty well for you. - But that's not the point. It's like you said, it's getting better. - No, I know, but we all, look, there's a smorgasbord of things out there that would be advantageous.
you know, as they're making you up in heaven, wink, wink, you know, you get this one and this one and this one. You don't get this one and this one and this one. Would I have liked to be six foot two? I would, but God fucked up and made me 5'8". You know? So, like, there's a lot of things that, but, like, in general, the ones that I did get worked out very well, as they did for you. So, you know, you would not go back and pick a different. No.
Hell no. It's like you get that question, right, which I hate. The one question I always say, what would you do differently in your 20s? And I always tell people the same thing. Absolutely fucking nothing, right? It turned out perfectly. Your 20s? No, you know how people ask you. I would do everything different. I wouldn't. Your 20s? No, fuck no. Really? Oh, I had a great time. You must have. No, I didn't.
- You must be much smarter than me. - No, I did dumb shit left and right. - Why would you do it again? - Because it was dumb and fun. Who gives a fuck, you're in your 20s. - I felt like mine was more dumb and painful. - Yeah, it wasn't so much painful. I did dumb, dumb shit. - Really? - Yeah, dumb shit. - Were you popular with girls when you were young? - When I was young? No, when I was my high school age?
- Fuck no. - Well, high school, college, early 20s. - So I started to blossom. - So wasn't that painful then? - Well, when I was in high school, yeah. I mean, literally I was, I'm 6'2" now, I was probably 5'10". - You're 6'2"? - Yeah, I was probably 6'2 1/2". - 5'2". - Yeah, you know. But I was probably 5'10 1/2" up until I was 18 and I weighed more than I do now.
And I had glasses. This was pre-contacts. And my parents didn't have a lot. And so literally I was playing baseball one day and running after a ball. A bite came this way, smacked me in the mouth, and I had to get caps on these two teeth. Only my parents can only afford stainless steel caps. So imagine being 16, 17, and 18 years old. And every time you smiled, these two teeth were stainless steel. Wow.
It was brutal nowadays. It would be great. Yeah, you'd be cool, right? It'll be a grill, you know Check out your grill cubes. Yeah No shit, right like most of the guys on the But I blossom right and so I all of a sudden, you know, I had cute girls interested in me and I was like fuck let's go
So who's your big guy now? Obviously, it must be... Luka Doncic. Yes. Yeah, he's the real deal. Yeah, that was smart. Did you lock him up for a long time now? Yeah, yeah, five years. Five years. Yeah, that's good. That's as long as we can lock him up, yeah. Well, also, like, it's a young man's game. Not that he's going to be bad at 28. No, he's 23 now. Right, he's going to be still, you know, he's going to be great for 10 years. Yeah, at least. But...
Yeah, you need a leading man. You need a star, right? A star, a leading man, you need a front man for the band. Absolutely. The hard part is getting the right band members around them so that you complement the star so you can win a championship. So it took time for Steph Curry to get the right people around him. The hard part for me... Michael Jordan. Yeah, it took Michael Jordan eight years to win a championship. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
So you feel like you have the... I think we're there. We need one or two more pieces, but we have a path to get there. Yeah. I mean, we have a shot. We came really close last year. We have a better team this year, but the whole league is better. We don't have to talk about basketball. I'd rather talk about alcohol. I'd rather talk about whatever else you want to talk about. Sweetheart, the idea that I have any agenda about... I don't know why that came up, but... I don't know.
But it does interest me. I mean, basketball does. I'm a basketball fan. Good. Okay, then we can talk basketball. Or not. I don't care. I mean, I also don't care. That's why I like being here. But I do love... I mean, like, I don't watch during the season because it's like... You know, I feel like sports...
In general, it's too important to people, especially American men. Too important. Not like it used to be, though. You know, when I see people, believe me, I'm one of them. Again, I bought into a team. I literally bought them. And it's baseball ball teams. And, well, it was the New York franchise. How about this? How about this? Everybody told me not to do it. And I'm talking about my money people, even. And I said, this is...
Sports, it always goes up. This is, and also, this is not Kansas City. This is not Kansas City. Oh, I know, it's New York, and I would look at that franchise. This is New York. Why didn't everybody else do this? This is the baseball franchise in the National League of New York. They're not making any more of them. No. This is the last one. No. And it was valid at $700 million.
Look at it now, you know? Well, yeah. Like we talked about timing, right? Sometimes, you know, shit happens. But I just feel like sports in general occupies too much of people's psychic energy and they know more about sports than they do about like things. But you know what? It's changing so much. What is? And I get to see it with my kids, right? I own a fucking team. What is changing? Just how kids perceive sports and connect to sports. How? Like...
My kids are more interested in the players and the teams. Like when we grew up, our family sat and watched a game, right? Your dad was there watching Saturday afternoon baseball. We all watched baseball football on Sundays. My dad was screaming at the TV for the Steelers games, right? Go, go! I'll never forget, right? Right.
That's not what kids do now, right? Unless it's on their fantasy team. Like my son will yell at the TV for his fantasy team. So it's all individuals. It's all individuals. Yeah. It's like they're Luka Doncic fans. They're Steph Curry fans. They're not team fans like they are. It's not that nobody is. That's interesting. We've got diehard Mavericks fans that I love to death, right? Right. I love them to death because they're there screaming and chanting and yelling, defense, defense, defense. But just kids in general...
Because think about just television, what happened in media, right? So that most people can't afford old school television. They can't afford direct TV or whatever. So like the guy, I think you lost a guy to my Knicks. Yeah, Jalen Brunson. Okay, who was good, right? Yeah.
So the people who are following him and are his individual fans. Are going to follow him wherever he goes. Much more than, it's not like Good Riddance, you know, the Mavericks. It's more like. Hey, we're still, you know, JB, I follow you on social media. That's so interesting. So different. That's so interesting. My son is like. I've never heard anybody talk about that. That is really interesting. And it's like.
And not positive, I don't feel like. It's much more like we're all in our silos and our divisive. It's heartbreaking because the one thing that kept families together in a lot of respects that was really unifying was sports.
You know, it's just like when everybody was just disagreeing on everything and then the Olympics came along, I was just hoping that there would be an underdog American team that just went on a run because that would bring us all together. And that didn't happen. Right. Because when during the Olympics, when it's us against the world, 1980 with hockey and whatever, right, where it's an upset, everybody comes together and puts aside everything else.
But you know what? It's still sports, though, even with the changes because of social media. When you win, everybody loves a winner. Right. Plus, think about it. If the Mets had won this year, then what kind of parade is going to happen?
There is no other business where they throw a, when Apple sells a zillion of those products and Cupertino, they ain't throwing a parade. Right. When the Mets win, when the Mavs won a championship, the parade, and there's hundreds of thousands of people, even when it's a hundred degrees outside, the city's on fire. The city is like the high school and that team is like the high school team and the
That everybody loves, right? Yes. Right? You're a team one. That feeling, there's nothing like it. There's no other industry where like, I'll get an email, my son has cancer. Can I get a signed jersey from Luca? Or my son died and we want to bury him in a jersey. Can you get Luca to sign it? That doesn't happen anywhere else. No. And so there is that emotional connection still, but it's different.
So then you pay them to sign it. Don't pay them to sign it. They're good people, though. These kids are good. I'm not fucking with you. Fuck you. Well, come on. Fuck you. It's like you said. It's a business. No, I'm sure they're good people. They really are. Because they're brands now. They can't be fucked up people. Right. It's harder because everybody knows they're fucked up. Right.
What do you think about this Kyrie Irving thing, or is that too political for you? No, it's not at all. I mean, look, what he says is awful. Is that right? Are you a Jew? Yeah, I'm Jewish, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm a Yid, right? I didn't mean to say it like a Gestapo. Just don't say the Jews, right? Are you a Jew? Yeah, just don't say, are you one of the Jews, right? Yeah, I'm a Yid. We will see you in the prefect's office tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. Let us call it a request. Yeah, no, I'm Jewish. And so...
We've both dealt with that. I don't think America knows that. Just go to Wikipedia, yeah. But they don't know. It doesn't matter. I mean... But, you know, they like you. I mean, if you're on the air, and I've been on 29 years, if you're on 13 years, they like you. Yeah, something's going right. They like you. Something's going right. People don't like, you know...
People just don't watch what they don't like. No. They really don't. I mean, look, the average age on television keeps on getting older, but people keep on coming back. And I love the show because kids watch it. We're like the number one or number two show watched by families together. Is that right? Yeah. And that's what's special because now we got people coming on pitching us deals that started watching us when they were 12, 13, 14 years old. I've heard it compared to...
Trump in that like, oh, he's a billionaire businessman. He's on a show on TV that advertises, wait,
I'm just saying what I've heard. What a smart businessman. No, no, it's not a crazy analogy. So let me tell you. America did get used to Donald Trump. So Trump. Did get used to Donald Trump as like a businessman who's like smart and makes smart decisions in the boardroom. And if he only had that in the White House. Is that right, Donald? You're fired. So let me tell you one of my Trump thoughts. I'm not saying you're Donald Trump. You're nothing like Donald Trump. No, I know, I know, I know.
So I'm at the White House for a healthcare thing. And Trump...
Didn't expect it, but he's like oh come on into the West Wing right and just you know because I've been shitting on him the whole time and he didn't care right and He's talking and he's talking nonsense about a lot of different things. You know 10% legit and 90% nonsense and I'm getting ready to leave and You know, I'm standing up he goes that's a good-looking suit you got on there. I'm like, thanks He goes are you still on that show Shark Tank? I'm like, yeah, he goes
Baron loves that show. He watches it all the time. I'm like, there you go Thank you very much. Tell Baron I said thank you liked him for a minute didn't you? Yeah for sure because I didn't think he was gonna win so I thought I said literally when he announced it was the best thing to happen to politics because he's not a step for Kim I think the same thing is gonna happen with the end Bitcoin anyway, I Don't know shots fired no no well anyway, I think you'd be
A fabulous president. I'd be awful. Really? I'd be so bad. I have no patience for that bullshit. No, no, no. I know that. You couldn't run like I couldn't run. I also think I would be a fabulous president. I think you would be too. Yes, because it's what you have to do to get to the job.
It's like it's the rivers and the field of glass you have to crawl through. Yes, and for your family, if it was just me, fuck that. My non-family, they'd hate it. Yes, if you had a family. I mean, oh my God. Every story, everything you've ever done, every picture that's ever taken about you, there's no fucking way. That's why I'm not even on social media.
I know you are. I'll give you my 16 minutes. Oh, no, no. I definitely want to do this, by the way. No, I'm happy. We'll go to dinner, yeah. I need a mentor. I got you. I do. I got you, Bill. It's great that you can be 66 years old and admit you need a mentor. I do.
But I'm not going to get someone like 32 who doesn't- Maybe 22. Who doesn't get me. Really cute. I've tried that a million times. And we're looking forward to a million and one. I know. I think I need someone who knows how someone might- I got you.
I got you. You got me. I got you. You got me. Don't go there and say someone my age, right? It's not age. I need a peer. I got you. I need a peer. It's not so hard. Because you know both sides. Yeah. You can do it. You're native to it or you act like you are. No, I am, yeah. And you both know. You also know who I am. Yeah, for sure. It's like the guy from the 1960s. You would have a blast. You would have a blast. Because you just use it however you want to use it. You know what my other big complaint about social media is that
It has supplanted reading. And reading, kids, is a really good thing. I'm an actual book. And I just think of so many people, especially anyone like under 40, who I would, and some people who I do not think are stupid at all. They're not stupid. They're intelligent people. But I could not imagine them reading a book. Okay, so two sides here, right? I'm going to take both sides.
Right somebody 40 and over even 30 and over if you're not reading you're fucked a book a book anything a whole book a whole book all the way through all the way through your fucked right Because because you're not you're not expanding your mind. I tell my kids it doesn't always work You know somebody who doesn't read lives one life somebody who reads lives an unlimited number of rights, but they don't read they scroll Well, no, it's not reading. So let me just tell you so here's what I learned. Um, I
My son, my 16 and 19-year-old, we bribe them to read by saying, okay, you read this book or X number of page books and you get shoes or whatever you want. So we bribe them. And they do it. And then we have conversations about the book. And I like that. That's good. That's cool. Yeah. But my youngest, my 13-year-old son, he's like, I don't like to read.
So I'm like thinking to myself the same thing you are. That's just wrong. It's going to hurt him long term. And one day he comes up to me. He goes, Dad, why do you not do royalty deals? I'm like, what?
You know about royalties? He goes, yeah, Kevin does them on Shark Tank and you don't. Why? And I'm like, because they use up a company's gross margin. I'm like, do you know what gross margin is? He goes, yeah, I know what gross margin is. And he's like 10 at the time. I know what gross margin is. It's the difference between what you sell it for and what you buy it for. What's left over is your gross margin. I'm like, how do you know this? He goes, TikTok and YouTube. That's how he learns. And so the challenge isn't
To get the right stuff on. Right. It's the challenge, yeah, getting them to look at the right stuff. But they consume a lot of information, TED Talks or whatever, that are really informational. So the challenge wasn't so much, are they learning? Right? They are. The challenge was me understanding how they learn.
And that was the hard part for me. I think the challenge is also, I mean, even if you can get them to look at something like, say, from history, because kids don't know history and that's a disaster. Okay, so that's another topic, right? So you got me rolling. Give me a couple of cocktails and watch out. Bam!
So I have a conversation with my daughters. Because if I, I only got two, but if I mention which ones, you get really pissed. And there was a thing that came up on TikTok that I showed her. It was one of these things where they go up to random people and they say, you know, what year was the war of 1812 fought? I've played them on my show. Yes, exactly. You would think just dumber than a box of rocks, right? I can't even. But. Not just can't, I can't even. But, but, but.
When you carry around a phone 24-7. Yes. And you can search for anything. You're an idiot. You're not, though. Well, you could be smart, but those... But no, the question is, what are you smart about? Okay, but those men on the streets proved this is what people... I mean, I've shown them. Some of the... So tell me... First question was, who was the first man to walk on the sun? Wait, wait for it. Answer? Because she did answer it.
Lance Armstrong. Oh my God. It's just like, no, there's so many of these. Like, what city is France in? You know, just these- No, I was like, how many states are there? How many states? Oh, beyond, way beyond that of stupidity. But, okay, so maybe I'm overly optimistic, right? But the shit that is easy to find with just one line in a search engine
I can see not putting any brain cycles to that if you're using your brain for something else, right? If you are learning other things, because you can't, I never took chemistry in high school. So if someone asked me about the periodic table,
I don't fucking know. - I took it and I've forgotten it, so we're even. - Yeah, so to somebody who's a chemistry teacher, if you said, what's the symbol for water, H2O, right? You would think everybody knows, but if you can't see aluminum and all the other things, your chemistry teacher thinks you're a moron. - Right, gold is AU, the one you're interested in. - Yeah, right, and Bitcoin is BTC. - Bitcoin is not on the periodic table. It's not on the periodic table, it's on an element.
you think is an element? I'm just fucking with you. Oh, good. I was just going to say...
Like, how much money can I get from this billionaire right now if I make him a bet and this fucking idiot thinks that Bitcoin is in the periodic table? Oh, my God. Damn. I would have peed my pants, literally. I had all these visions of gold, gold. Oh, see? It's so much fun to fuck with you because it's not hard.
You gotta come back to Club Randall. - Oh, please have me back, man. This is a blast. - I knew I would like to. - This is so much fun. - I never have anybody here I don't like. Because this is not my job. Again, my job, which I'm gonna have to go back to shortly, is writing real time with Bill Maher every week. And it takes all my time and my effort. - It's hard. That's a hard show. - Those are my kids. - Yeah, that's a hard show to do. - It is a hard show to do. And it's a once a week show on a premium channel.
I got, it's like a football game versus basketball or baseball, which they play every night or every day. Football's once a week. I'm once a week. I got to make it perfect or as perfect as I can. So like when I asked them, HBO, if I could do this podcast, they said,
I first said, look, I will not take one minute away from what I really do because tonight I'd be getting high anyway, taking a break. Because why not? I just would rather do it with you. No, I really appreciate you having me. This is a blast, man. This is just two dudes just fucking around talking shit. There's too little in the world of just sort of like, can we drop what we have to pretend? It's
And talk about henchmen. You know? But you know what I mean? Like, everyone has to pretend so much or else you'll get shit. Like, I'm sure you've gotten into trouble. I remember it, but I don't even remember the instances and I don't care. Always and always and always. Because if you open yourself up to things... And it's just like...
Like, I'm a basic liberal, but they piss me off so much when they just cop this attitude and it's like, just don't gaslight me.
I've always been an ally. Don't pretend. Don't say things like, "Racism has never been worse." Plainly, that's not true. But we all have to pretend things like that. Everybody's got a virtue signal to find their brand. Exactly. Exactly. And that's what fucks things up. And I've never been a guy who could play along with bullshit, whether from the left or the right. I'm the same way. I'm independent. I think for myself.
Fuck you if you think I'm supposed to say this or supposed to think that or supposed to be on your side. - So if you had to run for office, what party would you run on? - I'd run Republican. - You would? - Yeah, because I can fuck with them more and just, I think they're more pragmatic. - You know what also, I was bringing this up. - But I think Democrats are smarter.
I was bringing this up on my show Friday. The Democrats are very boxed in to identity politics. Who are Republicans, though? Anti-war? My point being, Democrats being so boxed in by identity politics, there's only two slots on the ticket. It can never be for the Democrats to white men. No, that's true.
So you're you as a white man, but we're already saying shit. They're talking about Carrie Lake and Trump, right? They do they play the same of course But I'm saying like you can easily imagine the 2024 Republican ticket being two white men and I bet you it will be You cannot imagine the Democratic ticket being two. No, there's no chance. No, I'm not saying that no, but I get your point I'm all for diversity. What do you think about ranked choice? It's just when we put it up against merit
We're having battles that sometimes are- But this is, we're in a duopoly. There is no world of Republican and Democrats where they come up with the best candidates. There's just no world where that exists. That's why I'm all- Because of that crawling over glass to get there. What-
Just because, you know, it's the power structure. It's about power structure first. If we could just get a, like, program a computer and put in all the data and figure out who are the two smartest guys to run the country. So what do you think about rank choice voting? We would come out of the computer. It would be like...
- Mark Cuban and Bill Maher. - Yeah, Bill and Mark. - Dead even, and then we have to flip a coin to see which one was president. - Bill and Mark's excellent adventure, right? - Or we just like direct the movie together like the Coen brothers did. We'd be co-presidents, okay. - But I gotta ask you before we-- - But that's not our system. - Before you kick us out, speaking of systems, ranked choice voting, what do you think? I'm really curious what you think. - I think it's good, I think, but am I a big expert on ranked choice voting? - No, I love it, I love it.
Yes, because it eliminates the extremism, right? Yes. And that's what takes the money out. That is our number one, number one job. One thing, eliminate the extremism. In primaries, particularly. Primaries, particularly that the extremists are controlling both sides. Yes. And it's just a big fucks up everything. So if you look at like Maine and Alaska, where they have ranked choice voting for Senate, those are the two who voted against Trump.
Those are two who actually- Well, everybody voted against Trump. Well, you know what I'm saying, for impeachment and everything else, right? Oh, right. Right, because- Lisa Murkowski in Alaska, right. And so Collins in Maine, right? And I think that's it. Right, you're right. Because they're ranked choice voting. Right. They don't have to, you know- Right, you don't have to cater to the crazies. No, no.
That is the difference. And so I've been a big advocate of ranking. You must get what I get a lot. People coming up to you and saying, you know, we want this common sense that you seem to, you know, like that we just we bring back common sense and like that.
As long as we agree with him, it's common sense, right? Well, I mean, you know, we're left-leaning. At least I feel like I am. Yeah, I mean, I'm a business guy through and through. But at the same time, I'm a numbers guy. I look at the effect. I'm pragmatic, right? And so I'm not against something just because I'm supposed to. I'm not dogmatic about anything. But I mean...
I'm so left-leaf. Like, you don't question how great it is that we have gay marriage. You think that's a great thing. Of course. Exactly. Okay. Well, this is not what they would say on the Republican side. So? I'm just saying...
It always bothers me. But if you're going to change things, you've got to go in. I agree. No, no, no. Look, I don't have a team. I don't have a team. Yeah, I'm the same way. I don't have a team at all. And it's rough because this is a team era when people just want to hear what they believe. Okay, so I think Trump has been political chemotherapy, meaning he was such a mess, right, that he changed the system. Maybe. You know, so we had those...
You know what happens to people who get chemotherapy? Right. A lot of them die, right? And a lot of the system may change. How about that? Yeah. How was the play? Um...
You're right. Yeah, Mrs. Lincoln. Yeah. But, you know, it's been 2016, let's say, to 2022, six years. In the big scheme of America, like my kids, when they're 60 years old, are going to look back and say, hopefully, say, look, we went through, the country went through this shit when I was a kid, but we learned from it. And I think we're starting to learn from what happened because seeing them throw them under the bus. Yeah.
It's starting. I mean, the poll was out today. He's still beating DeSantis for the nomination, 14 points among Republicans. Really? I didn't see that. Yeah. No, the tide is absolutely turning. I mean, since the election, absolutely. You see major pundits. You got housed. You see certain political people. We'll see. I mean, we've seen this. Rupert is throwing him under the bus. But he did that a while ago.
No, he started to, right? But he was just overtly, he's starting to overtly do it now. I mean, you saw the New York Post headline today. Yeah. Florida man. Yeah. That, I must say, the genius. Like, if people don't know, it's a big headline about something else, and then just on the bottom, in smaller letters, Florida man makes announcement. Florida man. Just destroyed him. Just fucking genius. Destroyed him. Fucking genius.
So, all right. Well, I'm going to release you back into the wild, Mark Cuban. I'm going to go back to what I do for a real life, my real living. But I'm so glad I got to know you. All right. So we'll do it again. Yes. You'll mentor me? Yes, that's the deal. Thanks. I'll give you a hug. Yeah, please do. Oh, I really do. Grow it up. Me too. I really do.