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cover of episode John McEnroe | Club Random with Bill Maher

John McEnroe | Club Random with Bill Maher

2022/6/27
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Club Random with Bill Maher

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Bill Maher and John McEnroe discuss their shared experiences growing up in the outer boroughs of New York, feeling like outsiders, and their early career challenges.

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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Can I make you a drink? Sure, what do you have? Well, here's a bowl of ice, so that's a start. All right. I have tequila.

I don't allow myself much liquor anymore. Do you? What do you allow yourself? You know, I'm the Corona pandemic thing. I think I increased slightly intake, not decreased. From what to what? You know, just a little more of all of it. But like how many drinks would you say you average a week? A week? Is this going to be on anything? I'm sorry. This is an intervention. I'm going to say, yeah, 15 to 20.

A couple a day, a couple beers, occasional tequila. I love tequila. Okay, did I pour tequila in there? Was that tequila? I thought so. Yeah, I think you poured it. Would you want to try it with this soda? No, no, I like it straight. Straight. With a little lime, but beggars can't be choosers. You want a lime? I don't need it. I can get by without it. Maybe we'll get one later.

But, well, 15 to 20 a week. Now, I used to have, I would say, 30 a week when I was in my 30s and 40s, right? Mm-hmm. Then around 50...

You know, I was like, no. And I think I cut it down to like seven. One a day. Yes. Well, cheers. It's not one for you, man. But that's why you don't have anything. Oh, I will. OK, well, I'll wait. I'll wait. And now I I'm like three drinks a week. Wow. Yeah. Because that's impressive. I don't want to look like Ted Kennedy.

Well, neither do I. No, and you don't. You're obviously handling it, which is good. Well, I work out a lot still. You work out your face? No, I work out. I think it helps the face. No, your face looks great. Thank you. Tell me more. I told you this is not going to go in the direction you think it is. We're going to get to know each other as friends, and that's it. No, because we're Irish. No.

That's correct. So Irish is not good for aging. And I've been out in the sun all my career. Right. Yeah, so that didn't help. But luckily I grew up in New York, so I was indoors six months a year. If I was Mike Douglas, I'd say...

Someone told me you play tennis. Remember, they used to do that on talk shows. Everything was like, somebody told me. Johnny Carson was like, someone told me that you have a train set. It's like, no, the producer told me. I guess they still do it, right, on talk shows? The first time I came to L.A., they took me to the Mike Douglas show.

He had, what was the guy that stuttered? Mel Tillis. Oh. And he got like this, you know, close. What? Just totally got, the guy was so tight he couldn't get a word out.

Wait, Mike Douglas had Mel Tillis on? Yeah, as a guest. He sang great, but he couldn't talk. And you were in the audience. I was in the audience. And how did that... And I felt sort of embarrassed for poor Mel Tillis that this guy felt the need to do this to him. Do you think that there was a direct correlation between that moment and you being such a hothead in tennis? That you never really recovered from that? That was it.

I'd like to blame that. Did it actually make an impression on you, the Mike Douglas show at that age? It didn't make much of an impression other than that, you know, I didn't think a talk show host should treat the guests that way. Well, you got another... Which I got used to it. Boy, did you come to the wrong show. Oh, and how old were you at the time? I was...

17, I think. Oh, okay. 17, my first trip out here. You grew up on Long Island, right? Right. Okay, so I grew up in New Jersey. Oh, Queens. Douglasson, Queens, which is Long Island. Well, let's not get excited. No. I mean, Douglasson is Queens. It's not Long Island. But it's actually a fairly nice neighborhood. Okay. I'm not attacking your drinking. I wish it was Queens. I'm not attacking your neighborhood. But I always thought it was in Queens.

It is in Queens. It's like saying Beverly Hills adjacent, you know, no one gives a fuck. Well, exactly. So we'll just drop it there. No one cares. Whatever it is. I hear it in your voice. And you know, you probably hear New Jersey in mine. Well, because I hear I see your show, you know, so I know that you're from New Jersey. You mentioned that. But, you know.

I feel like guys like us from that New York area, but not like in Manhattan. We were in the outer ring, sort of looking in.

It's a little the plot of, remember Saturday Night Fever? Of course, that was your big first year, right? Like 77. 77, that's right. Yeah, so you and John Travolta were, well, let's not talk about what you and John Travolta were doing. We went in different directions. Nothing together. I mean, no, you can do whatever you want.

Something tells me we went in different directions. But that was the era. And that's what that movie was about, was he was from Brooklyn, and he felt kind of also the Trump story. People from the outer boroughs who feel like, fuck those Manhattan snob fucks.

Right? Right. And they just have this hole in their heart to get them and to better them and show them that, oh, just because I'm from Queens or New Jersey or Brooklyn, I'm not less than you. And I think that's...

Trump what we are known as the bridge and tunnel crowd exactly, you know So that was a bit of an outsider But I did my my father grew up in Manhattan and I went to high school in Manhattan So I had a little bit of it. So and it was always a goal to get to Manhattan That's that's what we live in Manhattan. That's what Vinnie Testarona or whatever his character was Yeah

Tom Marino. No, that was Welcome Back, Connor. I think, yeah, right. I loved that show. He had a range from A to B back then. I mean, it was big right then. That was huge. But I think in the Bob Hope sketch of Saturday Night Fever, he called him Tony Revolta. Yeah.

That's not as bad as what he called whoever it was on the Oscars. I can't remember. Bob Hope? No, Travolta introduced Irina Medina. He fucked that up royally. Can you imagine having, well... Doesn't rank up there with the Will Smith thing, but it was embarrassing. He set a whole new standard, Will Smith.

So yeah, so we are borough people. Yeah, we're borough people but and then I never went to Brooklyn because you didn't want to get you know Where are you from Queen watch out? It's crazy how that is. It's like turf wars in a way. Yeah, I

Right, honey? No. Is Patty here? Patty's here, yeah. Is that her laughing? Oh, good. Well, I thought I heard her. I'm glad we're meeting. She spent more of her time in Brooklyn. Isn't it amazing that I knew her, not Bill and Billy? Exactly. How well you know her. Tell me about before, because she always says like she didn't go out. I don't want to know. Forget it. Don't ask me. Because I started at this...

Club in New York catcher I went there all the time. Yeah, it's really yeah, I saw that where you met her No, no, we didn't mean until 93 ever see her. Oh, I never saw her there I saw her, you know early on and there's nice or every night. I

You saw her a lot. A lot because she was one of the singers. Yeah. And I was the MC. I saw Pat Benatar there. Yeah, Pat Benatar also started there. I saw her. I saw Seinfeld. I saw Larry David. He'd get pissed at everyone because they didn't get his jokes. Well, he would literally walk off like if someone coughed. Yeah. He was very temperamental. Yes. And I was not that much better than...

You were better, though. You were quite a bit better. Because I didn't walk off, which is actually worse, because I stayed there and made everyone miserable for 20 minutes, including me. I mean, I had some very rough early times because...

If it wasn't going well, I would do the one thing you are not supposed to do and shouldn't do. Spit this at the audience? Yes. And I would yell, you know, what's your catchphrase? You can't be serious. You don't get my joke. You cannot be serious. That's what really I was saying was the same thing. It's like, how can you not get what I'm doing? Right. That's how Larry was. And you were.

Uh, yeah, that's true, too. Isn't that what you were... I did relate to comedians a lot, because, you know, you lay it on the line up there. And I'm out there by myself, and you can tank and blow it, and it sucks, you know. But let me ask you this. Me. Every time you argued like that... Not every time. You're going to say I played better, right? No, no, no. Oh.

Okay. Are we married? Let me finish the question. So every time you argued, right, vehemently like that, it's because you really wasn't, you weren't faking it. And in other words, you really believed that shot was, you were right about where that shot was. Like if the guy said it was out, you were like,

I'm my vision is better. Exactly. In other words, you didn't fake it. You didn't like you knew it was out, but I'm going to throw this tantrum. You really believe you're right. That's the same thing with me with jokes. It's like I'm mad at you because that is a good joke. You fucking missed it. I didn't miss it. That was funny. Exactly. It worked on the eight o'clock crowd. So I know I have evidence.

That's pretty much it. I mean it was me or some 68 year old. Oh god now I'm getting closer to that but at that time, you know seven-year-old linesman I was thinking I think I can see better than you when they're half asleep I'm sure like Ted Williams Ted Williams had the great eyes great eyes. Yeah, and I'm sure Ted Williams many times was like Okay, um, I know you're just a guy doing your job but you know

I am the greatest hitter ever. I mean, I see the, I can read the label on the ball. I'm just telling you, you're wrong, but okay. I wasn't quite that nice about it. No, you... I was initially, you know, it took a while. You know, I would try to be...

Be like these NBA refs. Talk to me and don't look, you know, give me some look. You know, if I ask them a question, 10 seconds, you know, I mean, talk to me, you know, man to man here. Let's, you know, treat me the right way. Unfortunately, the one guy that did do that was thrown out of the game. The one referee that actually talked to us and talked to us by first name basis.

What do you mean? There was one good one? There was one good one, you know, when he got railroaded out. Good because he never missed a call? No, good because, you know, he'd go like, John, listen, you're going too far. I'm not going to give you this one. So he talked to you like a human. You know, he'd be like, the next time I got to call you on this. And that's what they do. That's like, okay, that's all I can ask for. If I do it then, then it's my fault. He was like the cop who, instead of just being an asshole by the rules, was like, look, buddy, you

I could take you in now, but I could see you're a human. And I'm going to treat you like a human. When cops did that more, it goes a long way with the public. And there's this rift now with cops that I was saying, maybe on my show last week, ever since the riots two years ago, the George Floyd riots,

protests some of them were got into rioty stuff looting and stuff and a lot of hostility toward the cops that they you know They have this kind of you've heard of the blue flu. No, that means like oh, you mean they wouldn't show up for work Yeah, yeah when you when you piss them off. Yeah, their way of dealing with it is like Oh, see how you like it without us exactly and they've kind of had a long blue flu since then and

And, you know, it's one reason crime is so up, you know. Well, the other reason is because of the way we think, we being Democrats, I hate to say it, have, like, screwed this whole thing up. Yeah, well... I mean, it's embarrassing. I mean, there's a lot of blame to go around. I mean, certainly the cops did need a correction. And still do many times. But, you know, it can get to a point where, you know...

Also, we tarred all of them with one big brush. There was just a lot of sort of like blanket collective guilt. And you know, lots of cops are not evil.

95% are good, and 5, 10% aren't. That's a great percentage. Hopefully it's 90. We don't know that percentage. I'm throwing it out. That's my personal opinion. You're pulling it out of your ass. This is a rectum-derived statistic. We don't know exactly how many. There's an awful lot of videos of cops doing horrible things

So, I mean, you could say, I don't know. And not just to black people, although historically way more. So we understood why there was all this pent up protesting and stuff. But to take it to the extreme they did then is absurd. And also at some point, I think somebody needs to right now go to the cops with a fruit basket or a Bundt cake or some sort of covered dish and just say, look, we are

We got a little over our skis. We still appreciate you, but could we just work this out? Right. Can we just work this out? And we will make an effort also to be accurate about exactly... I mean, we know exactly the FBI, you know, is it...

completely correct statistics? No, but I got to think it's somewhere in the ballpark. We know how many people are killed and of what races and stuff like that. And I think most people, if you ask them, would have a very exaggerated view of what those numbers are. I mean, they're not great. I'd be like it if they killed nobody. Of course. But they kill about a thousand people a year in a country of 330 million with a lot of nuts and a lot of guns.

I mean, some of those thousand, you know, they got to, what else were they going to do? I mean, there's- Well, there's a lot of split second decisions that I'm glad I wouldn't have to make. I mean, I'm glad one of them killed the kid in Texas, you know, the shooter. I mean, some people got to get themselves killed. That's true.

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You can never predict where life goes and what the thing is. Because back in your day when you were screaming,

you couldn't have predicted that it would turn out to be like such a good thing. Like you have a show now, the very funny Mindy Kaling thing. - Yeah, that's true. Who would have thought?

I would have thought I had a talk show at one point or quite briefly. Right. But, you know, when I was 21, there was something in, I think it was the Miami Herald, the most hated men in the history of the world. You? They had Hitler won a

Attila the Hun 2, John McEnroe 3, and Jack the Ripper 4. And I'm like, wait a minute. I think we're, hopefully they're exaggerating a bit. Well, they were making a joke, but. I don't know if they were. And not that funny. They took a, you know, they asked a thousand people. Oh. And there's a, you know, plus or minus 5%. You know, I could have dropped to eight maybe if people thought about it. The last type of human you ever want to trust are people.

But, you know. Well, you know more about humor than I do. Listen, hey, you're lucky. I've also been hated. It's a terrible feeling, I agree. But, you know, you're lucky in a way because it seems like you're peaking in a way. Do you think that? You feel like you're better than, because to me, you're like better than ever. Thank you. Finish your thought. Yeah, I'm going to. No, I appreciate it.

No, seriously, because we don't have that option in sports. Right. No. That's not at all. We're like, you know, we just try to delay the inevitable, which some people do better than others, obviously, like Brady or Fred or some of these other guys. No, in your 20s, you must feel like a hot chick. I peaked at 25. Six. I have this amazing superpower, but I know it's going to go away. There is no way around that.

And that's not the best feeling. I knew, you know, this was back in the day when I was out and about and stuff, but I knew women who like, you know, one in particular I remember, just a friend. You know, like there's always that hot chick. You don't have any women that are friends, do you? All the women I know are friends. Everything has to start with friendship in my view.

But I remember, and we were, you know, there's always that one like hot chick, but you're not hot for her for some reason. And it's great because, you know, then you. Then they're attracted to that one person out of a hundred that's not attracted to them. Well. Allegedly. It just, I don't know. But I remember that she used to be able to like, this is like the improv.

Like she would just be able to like keep like three guys interested in the room at the same time. She'd like go over and give like two minutes of completely undivided attention. And the guy would be like, and she'd go to this other guy and do that. It was like the guy in Sullivan who was spitting the plates, you know. She would spin this plate. That's par for the course. Well, I mean, that's a kind of a superpower. I couldn't do that. But I remember at a certain point, like that power was fading.

I remember watching her try to do that on a guy. I guess she had gotten a little older and men are shallow. And it was like, hey, my magic ray isn't working. What the fuck is wrong with this thing? I shine this on you and you do what I say and now it's on the blink. And it's a little like that with an athlete. You know from early on that, yeah, it's going to go away soon.

way too soon. You know, at least, I guess, try to look at the bright side now. At least you have these moments where you're like, okay, this is what I thought I could do. But also, it got you to

Yes, it's shorter lived, but you got to like a kind of ultimate pinnacle that most people in any branch of show business, mine or sports, which is show business kind of entertainment, do not get to, you know. I mean, winning grand slams. And also just being like world famous, like household name famous. You know, you don't need more than 10 years of that.

I suppose you'd be lucky if 10's lucky and then if you try to, whatever it is. It was my life completely changed at 18.

All of a sudden where people were like, are you that brat guy, man? Right. You know, because they used to call me Super Brat. So that wasn't the best nickname that I wasn't terribly fond of. Yeah. The English have a way of coming up with those names and sticking it up your rear end.

I doubt if it deterred one girl who was crazy for you, that nickname. I don't think if any, I'm sure you had a lot of women who were on your jock being a famous young athlete who, you know, had this pair of balls on them. That's very attractive to women. I mean, women love assholes. We all know that.

I didn't think I was an asshole at all. No, but like honestly, well, I you know what I say the same thing But people call me that it's like we're not assholes We're just honest, you know, and we don't like sort of bend the knee and people call that an asshole But yes, you act a certain way there doesn't mean you're the same way off the court So I thought I was extremely sensitive which I do believe I am actually I

Yeah, everybody's sensitive. Maybe not as sensitive as I used to be, but I'm still sensitive. Everybody's screaming inside. You just let it out. You were just honest about it. I was lucky enough to fall into something that I didn't think I'd fall into, where it actually, for a fair amount of time, worked.

But don't you think everybody in every office is thinking they wish they could do they're screaming in their head You dick I'm right about this Absolutely, you just did it. Yeah, and that's why you have a cartoon now No, because it's a very attractive thing. Everybody wishes they could so it's you know, I gave it my best shot You know, I gotta look at the bright side

I went for it. You won. You won at the game of life, John. I won for the most part. Yeah, the game of life. You live and learn. Oh, I mean, I always say life is the kind of sport where no one wins 11 to 2. If you win it all, you're lucky. That's true, too. A lot of people do not win at the game of life. But if you win 8 to 5, that's fantastic. Yeah. But there's going to be

Lots of sadness and heartbreak. What? No, I mean, you try to minimize that. Yeah, of course. Right, but I'm saying you don't win 11-2 unless you're Rod Stewart.

I feel like he... Oh, I saw you when he had Rod Stewart on. I mean, it's unbelievable. I feel like he completely skated our life. Well, there's some other people. I mean, he's an amazing talent, but that itself is very lucky. Yeah. He weathered the storm. He's still going. No, I'm kidding. It's unbelievable. No, yes, 75. I mean, Mick Jagger's 80 and Keith Richards, Paul McCartney, they're going, they're selling out stadiums. God bless them. You know, I look at that and I'm like, man...

We're lucky if we have a couple hundred people be pathetic enough to watch me play tennis at this point. Right. No one except John. I played like the old guys, close to 60. And to your original point, well, at least some time ago, it's almost the opposite. You're right. I am kind of peaking. You're peaking right now. Because what I do is almost not...

apropos for somebody even 40. I mean, I'm sure if I look back at what I was doing in 1996 on Politically Incorrect, there's a sign behind you, I'd probably cringe. Some things I think I'd be maybe surprisingly delighted by and other things I'd be like, oh, fuck. Did I really think that? Did I really say that? Well, you know, I know. I know that there was moments of douchey. So, you know, it's...

I like being this age because what I'm kind of selling, you know, like wisdom, wisdom

That's one of the few things you can do better at as you age. Yeah, one of the few things. I mean, but, you know, hitting those smashes. No, that does not. No. No. Not working. But I still, I have a tennis academy, so I'd like to try to play because these kids think they know everything. They don't know a damn thing, you know, and so I'd like to be able to teach them a little on the court. Also, look, life has chapters.

Right. And that's true of not just athletes when the career ends. That's everybody. Like, I look back just like 10 years. My life was very different in a lot of ways. Just the drinking we were talking about. If you go back like 15 years. Do you smoke more marijuana or do you smoke less? I smoke just the right amount. Yeah, that's good. Well, I'm getting I'm getting a little concerned about your marijuana intake now. Why? Why?

Well, I'm just, so, you know, I thought maybe. It bothers you? No, I was hoping maybe, because I have such concern about it, I thought maybe you could, you know, I'll take one hit of that. Oh, I'm sorry. That possibly. I'm so stoked. No, no, because I don't want you to, you know, get too buzzed. I'm going to. That's the problem. Oh, a fresh one. That's very thoughtful. That's the problem with getting stoned.

is that you forget to get more. I'll try it. I'll try it. Taste the first time ever everybody. I've never tried it. These are clove cigarettes. I've told them many times on this show. These are clove cigarettes. Now John, I don't know what they're putting in these clothes. These clothes are, yeah, they're pretty interesting. I don't know. It reminds me of my life when I went to see Led Zeppelin in 74.

You, Led Zeppelin. Now, how old were you in 74? Fifteen. Fifteen, and you got to go to a Led Zeppelin concert? Maybe 73 or 74. It was one of my first shows ever. Now, were your parents the type who brought you in to see a Broadway show a few times a year? Never. I knew that was the answer. Never went to a museum. Never went to an art gallery. Sports.

Really? I love sports. So you're saying your parents were Philistines? They were not culture vultures? I'm not going to say that. Throw that under the bus and you're no longer here. I just did that in my documentary. Oh, right. No, I don't want to do that. No, don't do that. No, they were good parents. And they were okay with letting you out to see Led Zeppelin at 15? They scared me into not doing...

You know, I really didn't ever even try drugs of any kind until I went to college. I went to Stanford for a year. And that's when I first got introduced to the thing that you have in your hand. Cloves? Cloves, yeah. They're very strong up there in northern Cal at that time. I think that's where they grow them.

That's where they used to grow. I think it has something to do with organic farming. That's why the cloves are so different than they used to be. Because I remember, oh, back in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and today, it seemed like it was weaker. Oh, yeah. But now the cloves... I wouldn't know anything about that. I wouldn't either. Where's the camera? Oh, yeah.

Don't you love this room? Oh, it's beautiful. Isn't this a great place? Maybe you can invite me another time. Oh, we're going to have a party next month for all the former guests of Club Random. Oh, really? You can mingle with...

MIKE TISON. MIKE TISON AND WILLIAM SCHATNER. OH, MY GOD. LOOK AT THIS GROUP. FREDDIE GIBBS. OH, THERE'S LOTS OF SOME OF THE TIKTOK KIDS WILL BE HERE. ARE YOU ON TIKTOK? I'M NOT ON TIKTOK. I'M NOT ON SOCIAL MEDIA AT ALL. NO, I'M NOT. I MADE IT THIS FAR AND I'VE MANAGED TO KEEP, YOU KNOW, I DID AT ONE STAGE NOT VERY SUCCESSFULLY

dye my hair a little bit and make it a little specks of a little black in there and then I was like at what I had a friend who recommended this hair guy and it's supposed to be the best in the world right so I go okay I was going to do the French oak and the guy comes I go look I just want to do a little tiny bit you know I gotta go how old were you at this point 47 47 you know something like that okay it's like 15 10 15 years ago right um and then all of a sudden um

They put the thing on. I look like gorgeous George, the wrestler. All of a sudden, my hair is totally blonde. I go, no, I don't think so. This is absolutely not what I wanted. And then I go, just thanks anyway. I'll pay you, but just take it out. I can't take it out. It takes a couple weeks. I go, what?

Which, by the way, if you get a picture of that year when I played the French Open seniors doubles, it would be... It's really sad. So then I was like, fuck it. So you had to wear that hair. I had to wear that hair. I tried to buy something at the local store to get some gray. It was horrible. So obvious. And so then I was like, forget it. I'm never doing it again. And I heard you mention, you know, I dye my hair because that's on TV. So I'm a little bit like...

Well, I get it. I totally get it. But then I'm trying to hang in there. And I know that's probably why I'm not getting certain things because he looks old now. Mac looks old. And I'm like, I'm young and hard. I got energy. Yes. You bring energy to something. And by the way, that is what matters. But you should. I think that's what matters. But you should also dye your hair. No, seriously. No, I'll tell you why. Because like.

Plastic surgery is different. First of all, they have not perfected it. The main reason not to do it is it doesn't work. Now you just look old. I didn't say I was going to do plastic surgery. I'm just going to go off to the sunset then, man. That was just my preamble. Okay, go ahead. That was just my preamble. All right. Okay. So that, to me, because under the broad topic of what we will do to...

Stay relevant. Should I be on social media also? No. In addition to dying my hair? No, no. Are you on it? Yes. I am. And you're peaking. I'm not. No, no. I'm on Twitter. No, I'm staying in the course. Not that much, but enough to not be a complete glutton.

I'm up at my house and I'm having scrambled eggs. No, I don't. I never. I've never done that. I'm here with John McEnroe. We just had a little bit of tequila. It's great. Club, random, you know, watch it on. Yeah.

Apple Plus or whatever it's on. And of course, always like it. Is there anything more pathetic in that fucking generation than begging for people to like you? Or buying it. Is that worse? Buying the likes. Because you should be able to do that. You still can, I think, right? On Twitter, that's what, what's his name? Elon Musk is complaining about.

Because 5% or 10% of it's made up. I have more respect for buying likes than begging for them. The people who are like, like me, like this thing, like it, please like it, please like. John, the drink I made you, was it good?

Like it, please like it, Joe. Please like it. What about... No, it's pretty good, though. It's simple. What about the cigarette? Is it okay? The clove is... I'm starting to digest it in a way that is allowing me to feel a little bit looser. And I don't have... I appreciate your advice. It is sad that, like... Because ESPN, which I work for at the big tournaments, it'd be nice to maybe sometimes promote some of the...

Tennis. Remember that? Right. Instead of like the football OT, you know, the camps of the non the voluntary camps four months before this. Who the hell cares about four months before the French Open final where Nadal's winning the fucking tournament for the 14th time, for God's sakes. And these people wouldn't even, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it.

Dye your hair. Maybe that's what it is. Dye your hair. Now say your catchphrase. I can be serious.

I wanted to be serious, but then I realized you get close to politics, which is why I can enjoy your show from afar and sort of like, thank God you're going, you're showing how pathetic both sides are, which I appreciate. You know, before in the old days you would, you know, and I did that in the show. I had shit on Bush and the worst president ever. Because in the old days, the Democrats were a lot more sane. It's they who have, well, they both changed. They both got worse.

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on HBO Max and wherever you get your podcasts. Your first marriage? My first marriage was difficult. Was a difficult divorce? The divorce is the worst part of the whole thing to me. But I must tell you, I hadn't thought about this in forever, but between the cigarette and... Like, I'm remembering now when you were with Tatum. And I remember thinking...

That's probably a little bit too explosive. No, but I remember thinking it's like, wow. It was worth a shot, maybe.

I wish I had seen Patty earlier. Oh, I wish you had. Yeah, I saw her. She was with me. She didn't come up this one time. I was at, saw her, it was another, I'm not going to get into it, but you know, better late than never. Well, I mean. Who knows what would have happened if we met in 84, which is when I met Tatum. I mean, to say that everybody at Catch a Rising Star was drooling over her.

Would be an understatement. Of course. And then, so when she got with you, everybody was like, okay, that makes sense. You know, she was going to get somebody great and did. And you did too. Exactly. And that was a long time ago. 28 years in September. Wow, that's impressive. I mean, considering the way that the family came together and the difficulty of mixing family. Patty had one with Richard Hell of the Voidoids, one to Ruby. Right.

I had three with Tatum. Then when I got with Patty, I was like, look, we've got to have another kid. OK, we got this. This in the Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch is, you know, he was gay. I don't know about her. He was gay. Not not in the show. Not the office show. But really, they had three boys and three girls. Right. And so they didn't have any together. So I'm like, we got to have something. We got to have a kid together. It's so funny. If they redid the Brady Bunch today, they would actually make him gay.

Because you can't do a show without everybody represented. You couldn't do the Brady Bunch today. Didn't you say that about, I thought I saw something where you said at the gay parade, everyone was there but a gay guy. Right? That's what you said. No, I did. So then they wouldn't need it if this would happen again. They would not have it. They'd have a macho guy. The opposite. And look, we're all, we're liberals. We celebrate diversity. Always have diversity.

But I just want to make something totally clear. I don't want to pay taxes either. If I could avoid it. I'm the idiot that lives in New York City, Bill. What about taxes? How do we get into taxes? Taxes? I said diversity. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about... Somehow I felt like...

No, because the liberals... Senator of the... We're liberal. I just wanted to state that. Oh, yeah. Because they always say, liberals with more taxes. Tax them to their... Oh, I see. That's what I'm saying. I'm sorry. I interrupted them. No, no, no, no. I get it now. You're just... You're...

Learning to voice your segues. Exactly. It's like a comedian. I've watched enough comedians. I was like, okay, these guys know how to transition. You were telling it to your own mind, but now I know it too. I'm just trying to see if you're paying attention. Because most people don't. It's all right if you don't. 99% of them don't anyway. That's the same fucking thing anyway. That is a good question.

That is a good way to be. I like being tested. You could be like, remember Kato used to attack Peter's... I'm not that... I don't remember that well. No, you remember the Pink Panther? I mean, yes, but I don't remember... Inspector Clouseau? Yeah, I remember that, but I don't remember the scene in the movie. It was in every movie. They had made like eight of them. Kato was his manservant, and he would ask him to...

attack him by surprise to keep him to keep him sharp exactly so Clouseau would just be about to get the girl in bed and Keita would come flying through the wall and attack him and you could do that to me

You could be like Kato. You could, like, attack me. I'm not looking to attack you. I don't mean, like, not attack me. I mean, test me. I think your show's great. Test me. I'm not looking to attack you. And I came on the podcast. No, Kato. Not to attack. I can attack if that makes you feel better. I meant Kato attacks. You test. And you should test because that's how people get to know each other.

You know? It just depends. You know, it's a level of... That's why it's not a superficial conversation. I certainly hope not.

No, but, you know, I feel like a friendship grows so strongly. Strongly. What am I, Trump? Very strongly. You know. Listen, can you believe. I don't even want to start now. No, just when you said Trump, it's incredible. No, I'm kidding.

I know the guy. And I didn't know him well. I met him 50 times. Everybody met him. Everyone met him. He was nice when you met him, right? He would say very nice things. He'd be like, John, you're the greatest. Exactly. Did I tell you about my new building? Exactly. And I was like, this is him in a pity. A year before he decided to run, we're at a Ranger game. Somehow we're sitting together.

And they go, ladies and gentlemen, John Wimbledon champion, John McEnroe. I'm hoping, you know, people, fellow New Yorkers still think I'm a good guy and clap. OK, next, Donald Trump, real estate developer and host of The Apprentice. Everyone booed. Fifteen thousand. I'm not kidding. That's 17,000. He sat down next to me and he said, they still love me, John.

And I said, this guy could be a politician. He could be. I didn't realize until then. And then Brexit happened because I was in Wimbledon. I always thought, you know, think of the, you know, you agree with this, right? How many years has the United States been? 250, 60 years? Yes, about. Has anything in the 260 year history of our country been more unlikely than Trump winning? No, he pulled an inside straight. He pulled the greatest...

Yes. Everything. That alone you have to. No. You got to respect that someone somehow did that. Right. How in the world did he. He never ran for anything. Well, also, that doesn't matter. They like. They like. He ran for president. They like that. When's the last time, you know, the guy that's never run for anything runs for president and wins? Well, today's audience, and by audience I mean the voters.

They like that when you don't have a record. Because when you have a record, they can find something to harp on and make you look like a bad guy. Obama, when he ran, they said, too early. You've only been in the Senate a couple of years. He was like, good. They don't have a lot of my voting record or other bullshit. I'm a fresh face. People don't give a shit. They don't know anything anyway. So it doesn't matter. And Trump...

Yes, but part of the... Is that Joe Biden, too? The fresh young guy? No, he was the calm guy. We needed calm after that. But nonetheless, this is the problem. Trump pulled something that no one in your wildest dreams, even though some people said this. It's incredible. Right. And part of the inside straight he pulled was the ineptness of the opposition.

You know, I mean, part of it was Hillary not going to Wisconsin. You know? That kind of shit. Exactly. So don't, you know, he's right about not that part. I mean, it's just, and Comey's letter. Yes, everything. He's a lucky son of a bitch. From the day he was born, somebody sold his soul to the devil because he's always lucky.

He skated on everything. I mean, his casinos went bankrupt. Imagine going bankrupt in the casino industry, the only industry where people give you money for nothing. Choctaw Indians can make this work. And this guy went bankrupt and all those hotels, Atlantic City took the whole city down. But you have said, though, let me just, can I ask you one thing? You have said, because I, listen, I didn't think that, you know, even though...

Somehow he had gotten to this stage. I didn't necessarily think that the call was, you know, Donald Trump to be president. I didn't credit. You know what? And you've got to admit that Hillary Clinton, with all due respect, I believe in my, you know, he doesn't know anything about, which is true, I guess. You do know about politics. The worst campaign ever.

in the history of politics. Right, that's it. That's part of the inside straight. So stop blaming, you know, that's the part where I get with Trump. There's plenty to blame. But it's also, I mean, the country had just been dumbified to the point, I mean, Sarah Palin was how long before? Oh, only eight years. She was the John the Baptist for his bringing dumbness to that level where it's actually applauded.

You know, this is a- Well, he's not dumb or completely dumb, Trump. No, well, he's- Because he somehow- No. You're not dumb if you somehow do what he did. He's like Hitler. He's crazy.

Not in every way. We don't want to compare them to Hitler. No, no, no. It's perfectly okay to make a Hitler analogy as long as you compartmentalize it. I'm not saying he's Hitler like he wanted to kill all the Jews. What I'm saying is Hitler was crazy like Trump is crazy. He is crazy. Hitler wasn't stupid. Trump's

more stupid, but they were both instinctive political geniuses. That's where that analogy is completely appropriate. No, he was not, Trump is not that evil. He does not want to take over the world and kill people and put them in camps, of course. But as a kind of a savant...

who's just this instinctive political genius. Trump is that. Boy, when he gets you, his fans, his crowd, the Proud Boys types, boy, that is a cult. You can have a base and you have a cult. Biden doesn't have three people who like him as much as Trump, like first 20 million. And I like Joe, but he is in what show business we would call a hack.

Okay, that's not a bad person, but you're a hack. You know, you've been around for a long time. You never can quite... I think that's a little harsh, isn't it? A hack? If I thought so, I wouldn't say it. Joe Biden? He's a hack. I mean, if he's a hack, then what are these other guys? Worse. Like I say, a hack is not the worst thing in the world. Trump, you know, it's not evil, but you're a hack. Unbelievable. He's a hack. And then, so...

I don't even know where to go. I mean, he's a journeyman. He's not a journeyman. He was a senator, and then he was vice president. That's not a journeyman, okay? That's someone who paid his dues, and then his son died, and he was too old. We all know that, but thank God he was there. I don't know what his son dying has to do with anything. Running in 2016. And then now, thank God...

The only guy that could have lost that election was Joe. Yes. No, Joe being there. And Trump, you know, wouldn't say like, if all he had to say was something about, you know. And he did the country a great job. I got the corona. And now I get it a little bit. And I have empathized with some of you that got it. And, you know, there are people that went through it. If he had done that, Trump, he would have won by 15 points.

If he got, showed a little empathy about even when he had it and said, you know, this is a tough thing. But that's too low a bar. Again, he's crazy and stupid. This is what I keep saying about Trump, which is just a terrible combination. I mean, you get one, one of those two is bad, but he's both. I don't think he's stupid, though.

I hate to say it. Joe Biden, look. And Joe Biden's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. Okay. Maybe you should start espousing who you think it should be. He's a nice guy. Then let him run a little store. Nice guys. We're talking about somebody who should be president. And look, he's fine as president. And he was the only guy, for whatever reasons of fate, who could have at that moment. The only guy. Okay. Okay.

But that's not to say that, you know, people, FDR, he's not FDR, he's Millard Fillmore. You know, he's going to, he's... Let's at least give him Jimmy Carter, okay? Jimmy Carter, I'm a big fan of Jimmy Carter. I'm a big fan of Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter did way better and was way more on the ball than Joe Biden. Jimmy Carter... I totally agree with that, but they're going to be considered in the same... No, you know, during Carter's term, no one ever fired a shot in our military.

The only one. He put solar panels up in the 70s on the White House. They took, Reagan took them down. And he leveled with the American people. That's why, if you're honest, apparently you lose. We have to start conserving energy, and we never did. And look at the shit we're in now. Yeah, now it's too late.

And he was religious, which is not my, you know, jam. Not mine either. Okay. But at least he was sincere about it. He wasn't one of these fake Republican, like, oh, I love Christ so much, and like never go to church. You're talking about Trump now. Well, all of them have to like pretend. Some of them are religious. A couple, some of them are.

Bush. Bush was a Jesus freak. Bush, yeah, he was a born again. And that maybe allowed him to believe in the outside. That's how Billy Graham got him off the sauce. It was like, you know, you're a drunk. Why don't you try Jesus?

I mean, that was sort of the deal. Like, you want to be president one day and follow... It's incredible that he became president also. Well, you know, when he first ran in 99, they did polls, and people thought it was his father. And that's why he went to the top of the polls. And once you're at the top of the polls, then you're like the guy to beat. But they... Yeah. Are you sure about that? Yes. Because he was governor of Texas. But they thought...

The person running, a lot of people did think it was George Bush Sr. You know, people are, you know, you just can't go broke. No. Underestimating. Again, this is where I have to just at least express my, for what it's worth, these people that voted for Trump, that 20 million you're referring to. More. Way more. There's way more than that. But a lot of these people had it where they were...

felt like they were left behind. We know this. In Ohio and all those places where the factories were. And we all went to Mexico, China, all over the world because the labor's 10 times cheaper.

And then you, what a surprise. How about that, for example, isn't there a way, like the coal miners, you know, can I just finish this? Yes, yes. A coal miner. These poor souls that died 20 years, they're like football players. Right. Died 20 years before the average person. Right. And then they closed the coal mines. Shouldn't we have just, like,

We've given these trillions of dollars to everybody, even rich people like these, you know, help for the when the pandemic hit. How about paying these coal miner salaries for whatever they made? God bless these poor souls. Part of this one point two trillion dollars, one hundred billion. I don't care what it is. I went to these people.

And take care of them. And then transition them, pay them full salary until they transition to a solar panel job. And you're saying we're not doing that? No, I'm saying we're not doing it. Yeah. You're saying Trump promised that and he didn't deliver it? No, I'm not saying even Trump did promise, but the Democrats also don't promise. Right. Neither one of them promise. That, to me, is a no-brainer. But can I give you what I think is the bigger picture answer to this? Okay. First of all...

Does it says so much about our politics and the Republican Party and the Republican voters mind? That Trump could make himself a hero by promising to save the worst job You could possibly imagine in your worst fucking satanic exactly. It's a tough job and Trump

Hillary was like, like you said, let's transition you to something better. Fuck you, Hillary! No, no, no, no, but they didn't say, they said like, oh, in the meantime, they're going to get, their salary's going down the tubes. They're making good money for these terrible jobs compared to a lot of people. The fact that the Democrats cannot, they don't have a way to convince these people because they're so skeptical of politics and for good reason, to convince them that, no, actually, if you give up this policy

horrible job digging up a toxic black rock. We've found something better now. Mr. Musk did it. Okay. So if you do that, it'll be a better life for all

for the environment and for you. And you can trust us that we will transition you. The problem is, there's so much fuck, and I don't blame them. Because there's so much, this has been my big theme lately, there's so much graft in the system. So much gets stolen. Like, I would be- You came out with it so true about the pandemic, you would just- The money! It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's horrible. Embarrassing is the beginning of it. It's so pathetic. I mean, like- That's why Democrats lose.

Hundreds of billions. It's not just their fault, but hundreds of billions. No, I'm talking about all these states where Democrats don't get it. How in the world could you let people get away with this and then sit back and do nothing? In that thing you just referenced, what I said was, I understand the concept of you can't transfer money from wealthy to poor except with a leaky bucket. That's what they've always said. I accept that, that the bucket has some leak.

But when it's all leaks, what you got there is a handle. There's no bucket at all. It's all. So when they say to people in, you know, Appalachia, oh, yeah, we're going to fix you up. You don't have to go into the dirty fucking black hole. They haven't said that, though. Well, if Hillary did. No, that's why she got killed. No, she was going to

lose that anyway. No, no, John. Hillary got killed for a statement which they turned into in attack ads of her saying, basically, I'm going to get rid of your coal jobs. But it was a let me finish moment. Exactly. Let me finish and give you better jobs. Because there are better jobs to be had. But they weren't offering to pay that, though.

Well, they... That's the catch. Well, that's the catch is that you... That's a big catch, isn't it? They don't trust the government. Because they haven't come through. They don't trust the government to follow through on that pledge. And I kind of don't blame them. Exactly. Right. That's why they... I know. That's what I'm saying. Yes. They could have...

Solve this in a way and maybe god forbid get people in West Virginia these poor souls there They're in the coma so and agree with them. Okay, they're too pathetic to even realize that we're agreeing on all this Here's the question. You're that guy in Appalachia. Mm-hmm. Who do you vote for then? I would vote for Trump you would yeah if I was that guy right because he's promising at least that I can keep that right, right and

That otherwise they were going to shut it down. Isn't it interesting that this is a rich, an inborn rich...

Little prick from New York. And the people that love them are those people. It's unbelievable. Right. They're poor. They're from the exact opposite part of the country. And yet they bond on a much deeper level. Really deep. It's incredible. I don't know how they think. I mean, because even President Donald Trump would admit. I think he would admit he's a narcissist.

It's not even a surprise. I think, oh yes. I just do things for me that are great for you. Like he'll say, whatever it is. And he's very convincing. Everything that's great for me is great for you. But then he's got the people...

The people that, do you think he, I mean, with all due respect, you say it on your show, you're like, he doesn't even call Eric up, his son. Right. If he doesn't care about his son, his son, et cetera, his family. Well, Tiffany. And you're kidding, I know you're Tiffany. Well, that's the one. How many, does he care about these people in West Virginia? I mean, do you know what he said? Do you think he's staying up at night worrying about them? Do you know what he said? I wish he was, in a way. You know what he said? Any of them. You know what he said to Tiffany the last time she walked into the- I'm afraid to ask. The last time she walked into the Oval Office?

Just say no what. No what? Kellyanne, you changed your hair. How's that marriage still going? Which one? Kellyanne and what's his name? She was on the other night. I mean, I did not. You should have asked. I know that you are nice to her, but it's like, come on.

Isn't that the... John, I'm like the mafia. Let me ask you something. I'm like the mafia. You and George. I don't mess with families and women and children. I'm like an assassin with a code. But this was a very, very unusual situation. I don't mess with the family. That is my code. He can't ask about... I'll come on if he doesn't ask about George. I will put a bullet in the back of a...

million motherfuckers heads but not women and not children i have a code oh my god i mean this whole thing in russia is crazy you think like is this am i right because i mean i grew up and even now that at this moment the number one ranked tennis player is russian

Who can't play Wimbledon. Medvedev is right. It's gone up to one because they didn't allow Djokovic to play. It's a boring story. But the bottom line is that... By the way, I watch tennis. I mean, you're complaining about this ESPN stuff. No, no, ESPN tries. I'm not saying they're not trying. They also have a lot of other sports. I mean, the fact that there are three guys still playing, all of whom have 20, 25...

20 or 20, 20, 22. Well, they're all around the same. Yeah. I mean, there was Ewan, Connors, and Borg, right? Me, Connors, Borg, Lendl were that time. Lendl was later, wasn't he? He was a year younger than me. Oh, really? One year. We grew up in the juniors. So I guess there's always the, what is it? There's like three or four, right? Who you're always worrying about. There's three or four mainly, yeah. There's a couple others, but...

Yeah, those are the three main rivals. And I must say, I'm totally on Djokovic's side with the vaccine. You know, people don't like to hear this. Well, I'm on his side, but I also thought he should have, like when it, you know, you're definitely taking a risk.

Going to Australia, which is very hardcore. They're hardcore about, you know. A risk in what way? The risk that something bad could happen. No, not dying. No, just having someone do the stunt that they did. But here's why I support him. Throw him out. This is why I support him and Aaron Rodgers and Kyrie Irving. These are athletes, as you once were, the elite of the elite.

Your body is your life. You take care of, I know these guys, especially now with all we know about nutrition and shit. These guys, and I'm sure you did in your day, or maybe you didn't, maybe you were drinking every night, I don't know. - This was our, I would have a beer, that will relax the body. Now they're an ice pack. - They take care of their bodies, they know their bodies, and we know that viruses are opportunistic. - Would you like the other side of the coin? - And if you're healthy in general,

Great shape. Djokovic is one of the best shapes of any athlete. Their view is, I do not need to fear the virus because I keep myself in this shape. So you're going to make me put something in my body that I don't want because you are less healthy than me? I understand that point of view. Yeah, I totally understand. And I got vaccinated. I did too. Right. I totally agree with that. Here's the catch, though.

The catch is, is that if he's so, you know, obviously he's an incredible athlete and aware. Just take the shot, the one shot. Get it out. It'll go in and out of your body in a couple days. You won't be dealing with it. This is a professional, one of the greatest athletes. No, no, no. Don't.

You've got, that's what I think you should have, that's my opinion. John, I have to stop you on one thing. Okay. Which is the whole crux of the argument. You said, take the vaccine, it'll be in... No, I said take the one shot. Okay, well, okay, take the one shot, that's the vaccine, you said. It'll be in and out of your body in a couple of days. Right. Okay, if I knew that for a fact, instead of, you know, just rectum-derived...

Would never say another word about vaccines, but that's just rectum derived. We don't know that's the whole point is that

Am I against vaccines? Of course not. Every medical decision is playing the odds. Sometimes the odds are like, absolutely, take the vaccine. But don't tell me that we know long-term what vaccines combine with so many other things that are affecting us. X-rays and what you eat. I agree with that also. I don't know what causes cancer and neither do they. Exactly. So don't tell me... I totally agree with that. Okay. But...

But if you're going to risk not getting in because of that, you got to weigh, you got to, you know something? The odds of something catastrophic happening are so minuscule because I'm a finely tuned athlete that's in incredible shape and I eat right, I train. This guy's one of the greatest shapes. Who the hell can't fucking put it in there? I saw when they put... And guess what? No.

Nadal won the whole fucking thing because he got thrown out. Nadal came in, heroic, unbelievable effort, beating Matt Bidet from two sets of love down. You talk about throwing a pie in your own face, boom. Then he goes to France and he... I don't blame him. I'd be pissed also if I got thrown out of the fucking country where I won this thing nine times. Nine times. I called, I texted him. I go, I'm on your side, man. But listen, I thought maybe they were going to let him play, but these...

Politicians, they, oh, oh. - Right, right. - Australians are outside all the time. The odds of them getting like this horrible, come on, it was the joke from the, they kept people in Melbourne and Sydney, these places, people are out all the time. It's bullshit what they did there. Then they throw 'em out. So Djokovic is all bent out of shape, which I don't blame him a bit. Doesn't that hurt your like morale? You're trying to be like the greatest of all time. You know, you go through a couple months.

He didn't play much. He didn't even know if he could play initially the French because this thing was still going on. It's gotten better. And then he got out of shape for him a little bit. Lost a few matches. Almost peaked at the French. One of the great matches. Him and Nadal went at it again. They just lost to me. It looked to me like he got a little tired in the end. Hopefully he'll win Wimbledon. They're not letting the Russians play Wimbledon. Do you know that?

They're not allowing them to play. That's terrible. The only country in the world that is not letting the Russians play right now is England. As if they invaded Ukraine with tennis rackets. It's terrible. So, John, these guys who are like the top dogs now, even though now they're getting all older. So what is their relationship with you? Because I imagine it must be like what good millennial comics are.

their relationship with me, they adore me, of course. As a person who has achieved... It's not quite that good. It must be somewhat like that. And I love them because it's like, oh, you guys are carrying on a great tradition and you're fantastic. You know, it depends how... But they must be very affectionate towards you. Well, they're nice to me. You know, Rafa Nadal is like total class. I mean, he is. He comes up. He doesn't need to... The guy's the all-time... But they must feel like you, in a way...

pioneered and gave them space to be a little more free. So whatever they do on the court, like say shit their pants. No, they don't even need to worry about that. Djokovic got defaulted at the Open, by the way, a year and a half ago. McEnroe did this in the 80s. So it's like, fuck you. I'm going to be who I am.

It wasn't what I did. It's more like the whole entertainment, hopefully, at the end of the day, where people started to think, hey, tennis can be thought of, and this was my goal, be thought of the same way as other sports. Like, I'm not saying football, because some of my buddies were football players, and I'm not even pretending. That's why I played tennis, so I didn't have to go on the football field and see these poor guys get their ass kicked.

I mean, it's incredible. Like, you see what these guys go through. But I would say that... I mean, I'm lucky in a way. I would say that in a typical football game, there are more boring plays than there are boring points in tennis. A good tennis match, almost every point is interesting.

Football has a lot of filler. A lot of two yards into the middle of the line, a slant pass for four, you know, punting. That's sort of like we have that. But what I'm saying is we... What? No, no. I'm saying they're not saying, hello, how are you, like at the line, even though it's a boring play. Who isn't? You know, like in football, those linemen, defensive line, they're like, how about football?

And so we did a little of that, like trash talking, like Connors was incredible. During the match? Yeah, during the match. Like basketball, they do the same thing. And that's part of like... Like what would he say? Like that point sucked? Whatever it was. You're never going to get that past me. That kind of thing? No, not quite that nice. But that's okay. Like you stink at this sport. Yeah.

But that's bad. But after you beat him, he couldn't say things like that, right? Not like be this upper class, like sissy sport. What's your relationship with him now? He seemed like a difficult guy. You know, he's a difficult guy. You know, I'd heard that. Oh, yeah. From me and you. I heard you had a difficult time with Connors.

I'm going to try this clover one more time before I go. I don't know when I'm getting kicked off. Yeah, I got to kick you off now. Oh, now? Boring. Not boring. I can do this all night. But we... You know, I have a real job. And I'm so flattered that you watch it. Because...

That's my real love and my real job. And I work on it. Absolutely. You do. Incredible. I mean, just the last 10 minutes thing I do, you know, it takes like 20 hours a week. So like, yeah, I go back to work. I just, this is like my, my break. Take a break. You need a break. But, um, I know your wife said, we're all going to get together. I say all like, who's the other person? The three of us. And, uh,

I would love to because I always liked you, even from afar. Thank you, Mark. Because I felt a little bit of a kindred spirit. The outer borough, Irish, and sort of like snarling at the people who don't get them yet. We both were very lucky. I'm glad I had a chance to come on your podcast and shoot the shit.

And someday, who knows, maybe I'll be on your other show, your job. I'd love to have you on. Sometimes you have some good people and there's other times where you have to get the hacks. You talk Joe Biden's a hack.

Like who are we talking about? I'm not going to mention names. No, I agree. No, no, but let's call this... Trust me, nobody is more aware of it or is bothered more than me. If you're talking about politicians who come on the panel... Or even some of these so-called know-it-alls that...

Yeah, I know it all is gonna be obnoxious, but if they really do know it all about something that's good but what I really can't stand is politicians who are just so careful they won't say anything and it's like oh please retire and then come back when you can speak like a human and

You know what's funny? Liz Cheney, of all people... Of all people! Of all people is the person that's standing up... Democrats, they never fail to fall in love with the next Republican, whether it's Mueller or Comey, any of these people, and...

You know, it's like if they would just get a personality transfer. That's what they love about the Republicans. You see the way Liz Cheney prosecutes this trial. It's like no nonsense and no bullshit and not distracted and play for the winning. But you can't forget her father, though. Of course. That's a big part of it. Well, she's not her father. She's not her father. And you can't hate her for being a conservative Republican. In Wyoming. In Wyoming.

In Wyoming. America has to get over that. The liberal part. No, no, I don't have a problem if she's a conservative. No, but like, you know, there's conservatives and we... There's got to be like, you remember when there was like a middle ground of some kind? Yeah. God forbid that you'd be like, you fight it out. At least you mentioned Ted Kennedy and these other people. But like in those days, at least Biden, when he was, you know, doing that...

Come to like, okay, let's get it. We both get some. We win some. We lose some, which happens all the time in comedy. You go up and do it. It's not like you hit it perfect every time. We don't win every match. Even Roger Federer loses 10, 15%. I lost 17, 18% on my matches, 17. And on and on. Yeah. On that note, cheers. Boy, it'd be a good... All right, now we can hug each other. You got things to write about, though.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys. You just saying that honey, I can't look at the box though.